#movie and calm down now before I have a shutdown..

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Saviour- Criminal Minds.

Summary: You’ve been kidnapped by an unsub but the team will always come to save you.

Warnings: Typical criminal minds occurrences, blood, Language, beating, torture, angst.

Pairing: Derek Morgan x fem!reader.

Word count: 1,665.

Agony. Red hot, burning agony coursed through my body.

I couldn't work out how long I had been hanging here but it felt like years had passed since I last saw my team. Days and nights had blurred together with my periods of unconsciousness and day and night were indistinguishable in this basement.

My skin was littered with cuts, bruises and burns, arms chained above my head and legs shackled to the floor. The metal cuffs bit into my skin until blood ran down my arms, cracked and flaking in some places. The cold air enveloped my body, my underwear being my only sense of warmth. I hadn't quite lost hope but I was weak and I couldn't lift my head from its resting place on my shoulder.

Footsteps pounded down the hallway, he was coming back. In my mind, I could hear my screams of protest but my body was too weak for them to become a reality.

I wanted my team. I wanted them more than I had ever wanted them before and them finding me was the only reason I hadn't given up yet. I was so close to giving up, to just embracing the darkness and accepting my fate but they kept me alive.

I wanted my boyfriend and his warm, secure arms that made me feel so safe and loved. My best friend, who sprouted off random facts and figures because he knew that it was calming for me or read poems to me when I couldn't sleep after hard cases. I wanted to go shopping with my girls and gossip about everything and anything. I wanted to watch movies and munch popcorn with my gorgeous tech queen. I wanted to take Jack to the park with his dad and tell him amazing stories about his mom and the adventures me and his dad had in the BAU. I wanted to sit in a kitchen and be taught all about Italian cuisine and learn recipes to make for the team. I had so much more I wanted to do, but not until I escaped this hell.

As a profiler, I had studied my kidnapper as carefully as I could in this state and just hoped that the team knew as much about him as I did or their chance of finding me alive was slim. I prayed they were close by now, and begged for them to make it stop. I knew Derek wouldn't be much of a help right now. He'd be snapping at people, making impossible demands out of worry and fear and being an overall hothead. They would all be pushing themselves beyond their limits to find me, that much I knew.

My kidnapper was very organised and careful, a sadistic twat. He wanted everyone to know he had an FBI agent and taunted the authorities by sending them messages. He thought it was a game.

It was my own fault I was here. I was doing some door-to-door questioning and he baited me with some evidence he had apparently found. I knew I should have waited for backup, but we were desperate for new information and I didn't feel like I was in danger. Until the sudden pain in the back of my head and waking up in a basement that stunk of congealed blood and rotting flesh.

I had a killer migraine and I hadn't drunk anything since I woke up. My sight was limited but I could make out shapes in the dark, the wall full of tools, the wooden door that rotted on its hinges and a slight glow of light under the door. Every so often my body would go on temporary shutdown and I would become unbelievably drowsy and weak, passing out for hours at a time. When I woke, I had fresh cuts and bruises, exhaustion so strong my body didn't register the feeling anymore. He taunted me from the second my eyes opened, telling me I would never be found, and that we were too far away but he didn't know my team like I did. They would always come for me.

As he sauntered in, I lifted my eyes to glare at him. It wasn't my smartest move but I was in too much pain to say anything. I couldn't let him believe that I had no fight left in me.

"You look so beautiful just hanging there with all those pretty little marks on your skin," I growled at him, anger was the only thing left to fuel me. My neck snapped backwards as he threw a punch at my nose, smiling as the blood ran down my face.

"They'll find me. They'll always find me." My voice was hoarse and scratchy and talking only made my sore throat worse.

"Is that right?" He smirked grimly at me, aiming another fist at my gut as blood trickled from my mouth. His face was inflamed with rage as he stormed to a table equipped with weapons, grabbing his favourite blade before stalking towards me.

I lost track of how long he carved into my skin, revelling in my pain and cries, staring at me like I was his prey the whole time. Only when he heard thundering footsteps upstairs did he throw down the blade, facing the door with the biggest, most disgusting grin. He wanted to be famous, he wanted people to know what he was and what he did. He made me sick.

The footsteps stopped outside the basement door for a moment before it was thrown open, splintering under the force.

"FBI! Get your hands where I can see them! Cole Bailey, you are under arrest for the kidnapping, torture and murder of 3 women and the kidnap and torture of an FBI agent!" An unfamiliar voice thundered through the rank space as he was cuffed and dragged away by multiple officers. My head flopped down with relief as my body swayed in pain and exhaustion.

"Y/N? Hey, we're here," I winced as Spencer stood before me, hands and eyes assessing my state and the chains I was rigged in. "Can I get a medic and some bolt cutters in here!" My head swam as he shouted up the stairs. "Guys, Y/N is down here!" Despite my pain, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the relief I felt hearing his voice again.

"You didn't think you could get rid of me that easy did you bookworm?" My voice came out as a raspy whisper but a caring smile grew on Spencer's face upon hearing it. Footsteps thundered down the wooden stairs as the team came flying in like a herd of elephants. They got to work straight away, David holding me by the waist as Aaron cut the chains. Slowly and carefully they moved my arms down to rest them on David's shoulders. After being held up for so long the pain was excruciating and I slumped forward with a cry as I was freed. Spencer quickly shed his vest and cardigan, draping it over my shoulders before JJ appeared with a blanket which was also piled on me. It felt like years since I had seen their faces and I couldn't help but smile through the pain and grip onto Rossi like he was my lifeline.

My tired eyes came to rest on Derek who stood at the back of the room, face painted with anger and sorrow. Even though I felt I could barely move let alone stand, I tried my best to walk towards him and as I got closer to him my knees buckled from underneath me. His arms wound around my waist just in time.

"Why are you hiding over here away from me?" I loved the fact the rest of my team helped but I thought he would have been the first one there, not letting anyone too close.

"I couldn't protect you in the first place Y/N. Why would you want me to be close? I had my chance to prove I could care for you and that psycho managed to get to you and hurt you." I fought back a sob as he held me to his chest and I gripped his shirt as hard as I could. How could he ever think that

"Derek Morgan, you have done everything you could to protect me. It was my fault for not waiting for back up but we needed evidence and I didn't want to lose the only chance we had at finding him. You have protected me so many times before, this wasn't your fault, just like it wasn't anyone else's fault. Nobody knew he was our unsub until it was too late. I'm just glad I got to see you and the team again." I cried against him, my body shaking with weakness as he lifted me into his arms. "I don't need better Derek, I have the best I could ask for. If anything I should be apologising. I'm so sorry, I promise next time I'll wait for backup." He choked down a sob as he kissed my cheek, his tears mixing with mine.

"Don't you ever do that to us again Baby, ever. Let's get you out of here." I whimpered as pain shot through my body when he walked up the stairs to an ambulance. The team followed behind us, relieved and overcome with their own emotions. I sighed in relief and rested my head in the crook of his neck, squeezing JJ's hand as it clasped gently around my own and smiling at Emily as she wiped her tears away.

I was finally home. In the arms of the most important man in my life, surrounded by my family and I felt like I could finally relax. I couldn't ask for better people. As I was carried to the ambulance I let my eyes droop closed and fell into a deep sleep knowing that I was safe with my family now.

[norrisscented]

A Little Help

Daniel Ricciardo x Autistic!Fem!Reader

warnings:: ~shutdowns and meltdowns~, reader has a hard time communicating verbally. mentions of harm during a meltdown, talks sensory overload, ngl this is very self indulgent-

(a/n):: ANOTHER BLURB <3 motivation was poopy but i’m back i think!!!

You could feel your own skin, taste your saliva, and hear yourself blink. The comforter that you and Daniel had to search for in stores now felt too much, even though you couldn’t feel it on your skin. He wasn’t home, yet. He hasn’t seen you like this in a while.

By this you mean, the aftermath of a meltdown. You were hyper aware of it all. Your face red from your emotions and feelings. It all felt as though you only understood it fully but you knew if Daniel were to walk in, there’s no way to tell him how it felt.

You really tried to calm down, use the coping skills you have learned. You couldn’t though. Nothing was going right and you had reached your breaking point when you opened up a package that contained your safe food, it is what you are used to. Except it wasn’t, you are certain they changed the recipe. It all came crashing down on you then.

Other people would call it childish but you have few things you can rely on as a normal thing. This includes packaged foods that usually always taste the same, movies you’ve seen 50 times, and Daniel’s love and support. You could really use the last two things right about now.

Click.

Speak of the devil- or angel? You don’t know at the moment.

“Hun? You in the bedroom?” Daniels voice echoes throughout the home. You can’t find it in yourself to reply just yet, you know you should but the words are stuck in your chest.

You know he’s taken off his shoes by the softness of his footsteps, memorizing footsteps and the emotions or actions behind them was easy for you. The footsteps grow closer. You watch him slowly fully open the bedroom door, it being almost closed.

“Hey, you okay?” You notice the little things in his voice, how his voice lowers and softens when he sees the state you’re in. You don’t have enough energy to hide the fact that you had a meltdown just some time ago. You just don’t have energy now.

He sits on the edge of the bed, near you. Pressure, you need pressure on you. That’s all you can think, but once again you can’t verbalize it.

“Is there anything I can do for you right now, hun?” He keeps his voice calm, you nod.

“Are you able to tell me right now?” He’s so understanding you could cry if you weren’t dehydrated right now.

“Pressure.” He smiles at your reply, happy to help.

“Ok,” He scoots over to you and pulls you into his chest. Fully wrapping his arms around you and squeezing just the right amount.

“Might have to get you one of those weighted blankets, ey?” He laughs but you know it’s a real suggestion. You’ve talked about it of course, for when he’s gone. You just nod in his chest.

“When you're able to, wanna tell me what happened?” You sigh, the words stuck in your chest start moving upward.

“Built up. They changed the recipe in (your safe food) and that’s what threw me overboard.” Short and sweet, that’s the only way you know how to communicate after anything that has drained you.

“I know how much you liked that.” He draws light circles on your back. He takes a deep breath before continuing “You gotta let me know if you hurt yourself, I know how hard it can be to express your emotions especially when you're by yourself.”

A quick shake of the head is good enough for Daniel. He knows that you would’ve told him if you did harm yourself, accidentally or on purpose to try to soothe yourself.

“Can we watch (your favorite movie).” You ask.

“Of course.”

[ccherlush]

(THIS IS EXTREMELY INCOHERENT HOWEVER I AM CORRECT)

Let’s start with the center. Akechi Goro is our ace detective/black mask. The ALIVE???? Above his head is to represent my insanity and act like a detective in a movie. He is the star of this theory. That’s abou all I will say about him as of right now. I am going to truly begin with the photo in the bottom right corner. In this photo you can see a screenshot from within the game. This is the point ingame that Akechi reveals his “true form” as the black mask. I put true in quotations because, like joker, he can also hold multiple personas at once. This is only the second person in game to be shown to be able to do that. Whether or not he can hold as many as joker is simply unknown. I also put true in quotation marks because both Robin Hood (prince side) and Loki (black masks) were formed within him. This means they both represent his true self in a sense. You must battle with him twice(?) I believe in the game before he is defeated. Your first fight with him is against Robin Hood, once you defeat that he has a monologue. This monologue is quite funny and the start of it is shown right below akechi. TEAMMATES????? FRIENDS???? TO HELL WITH THAT. WHY AM I INFERIOR TO YOU?? I would type out the whole thing, but I don’t have time for that. (every single website with it is also blocked on the school computer sighhhhh) In this whole spiel he goes on to talk about how he worked so hard to maintain his perfect image. He talks about how he was an ace detective, a celebrity, and how did you, a criminal living in an attic, defeat him. As you continue to try and calm him down, he starts going crazier. In the midst of it all he explains that Shido is his father, and that he was working with him. (Shido does not know that Akechi is his son.) He goes on to say he wanted to be the one to defeat him, and he was not about to let you take that away from him. As he gets crazier and crazier (I <3 my crazy gf) he soon reveals Loki and the black mask. Triggering mental shutdowns is a capability that only black mask can do. He triggers a mental shutdown within himself and then you get launched into battle with him again. After you defeat him again you begin speaking with him. During this speech it seems he has a slight change of heart and he wants to join you but his shadow counterpart interrupts this conversation (as see in bottom right photo).

In palaces there are sometimes shadow versions of people. These shadow versions are not the actual people, just how the palace ruler sees them. This shadow version of Akechi is like Shido’s lapdog. He calls real Akechi pathetic and worthless for not being able to complete his mission in killing the Phantom Thieves. He proceeds to threaten Akechi, so Akechi shoots a button in the room you are in with him and it causes a wall to come up between the two of you. Behind this wall you can hear two gunshots go off. After those gunshots Futaba (the navigator of the Phantom Thieves) claims to see no singles on the other side of this wall. This would hypothetically mean that both the shadow and Akechi are dead. HOWEVER I DO NOT THINK THIS IS THE CASE IN ONE SPECIFIC UNIVERSE WITHIN THE GAME.

In all the previous persona games there have been errors with navigation in the game. (Error that are canon within the game, Not mistakes with the creators.) In Persona 5 Royal this could be the navigation error. If we look at the photo in the top left, you can see MAruki. Maruki comes into the story soon after you defeat Kamoshida, the first palace in the game, he is a therapist and will be working as a school counselor to help students cope with the abuse that they endured with him. (Assuming you’ve played the game I am not going to explain further). He is one of the confidants you can up your friendship with within the game. You do that by hanging out with him after school for counseling. If you reach the max level with him before he leaves the school you will unlock the 3rd semester and a new palace. You unlock this palace after you defeat the god, Yaldabaoth. Typically this is the end of the game. You defeat the evil, mementoes disappears, and society is mostly reformed, but not in this timeline. In this specific timeline Maruki finds the remains of the dead god and absorbs its power. With this power he “reforms” society to his ideals. He makes the world perfect for everyone and grants their greatest wish. In this scenarios Sumire becomes her dead sister Kasumi, Ryuji is still on the track team, Shiho is perfectly okay, and Futaba’s mother is alive. There are more examples, but that’s all I’m going to say right now. I’m going to rewind a bit again.

Back to right after you defeat Yaldabaoth. It should be Christmas Eve when you defeat it. No later than that. And on Christmas eve it starts snowing, you adire the snow in towns square in Tokyo, but then Sae approaches you. (Sae is a detective much like Akechi. She was building a case against the Phantom Thieves, but at this point in the game she is on your side.) When she approaches you she requests that you admit that you are the leader of the Phantom Thieves. Doing this would incriminate you and send you to prison but asks that you trust her. In the timeline where you do not max out your friendship with Maruki, you will be sent to jail and used to help in trial to incriminate Shido. In this timeline I presume Akechi is dead because he is MIA the entire time. So he is either fleeing and taking on a new identity (which is something I really don’t see him doing) or he is dead. HOWEVER, if you DO max out your friendship with Maruki, right before you accept Sae’s offer Akechi comes out and say he will take your place for that.

I say this is the strongest evidence for his survival in Shido’s palace because this is before Maruki fully absorbs or even absorbs the power of Yaldabaoth at all. This means that Akechi was physically there on his own. MAruki’s weird perfect world powers don’t kick in till at night on New Years Eve. This is known because you have a dream the night before, a very vivid one. It takes you through the school and to Maruki’s office. When you wake up the next morning, you go into the cafe part of LeBlanc. You woke up without Morgana, but you ignore it. When you get downstairs Futaba and HER MOTHER????? Are here. That’s when you first realize something is wrong. (that was all kinda off topic). My point of this is that none of Maruki’s freaky shit triggers until New Year’s day.

Now to disprove anything that may prove me wrong. (I physically can’t be wrong. I’m always right) The first thing that may make my theory seem untrue is the Confidant cards. In Akechi’s, after the altercation in Shido’s palace, it says, “He sacrificed his own life in order to save you…in the end your wishes become one.” In this we can INFER he is dead. HOWEVER THIS CAN”T PROVE ME WRONG. These descriptions are based on what YOU think of the person. What Joker himself knows. This means some information may be inaccurate. It would be accurate for the point of time in the game, but can change in the future. At that point in the game Joker THINKS Akechi is dead. Therefore this can’t prove me wrong. The other thing that may prove that I am wrong is the fact Akechi disappears after MAruki’s palace with all the other delusions. If you think i’m wrong L + ratio

[screechthemighty]

Titanfall fic writing is back, babey!! Fun fact, I started writing this *checks notes* literal years ago, but only just now circled back to it now that I'm filling in the holes in the Titanfall part of my Respawn Cinematic Universe. I will be eventually circling back to the stuff that happens after The Citadel, don't worry! I just wanted to get this one out of the way (again: literal years). AO3 link will be in a reblog, but you can read the first chapter below!

crash and burn (and then return again) | a titanfall 2 fanficpart one

cw: vomiting, loss/grief, shutdown, references to alcoholism

.

Things would’ve gone a lot differently if he were a in movie. For starters, Cooper wouldn’t have passed out within five minutes of arriving on the main battleship.

That was his own fault. His body had been giving him signs it was going to quit on him the whole flight back. He was shaky, almost dizzy, nauseous, and it felt like someone had replaced his brain with piles of stuffing. Cooper had figured it was just the adrenaline. Been there, done that. He’d be fine once he had something to eat and some real sleep. He didn’t say anything because it wasn’t a big deal.

Turned out it, was a big deal.

His memories of what exactly happened were hazy. Commander Briggs was there, he knew that, and Robert Taube. He remembered there were a lot of other people, and that he thought it was all those eyes on him (even in a positive light) that were making him feel worse. He tried to be subtle about excusing himself. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded or not; he thought someone followed him, but he couldn’t remember if it was Commander Briggs or Taube or both. Maybe it was neither. But he was pretty sure he remembered someone asking if he was okay, and replying that he didn’t feel so hot.

That must’ve been when he passed out, because his next concrete memory was lying on a moving gurney and someone checking his pulse “...repeated physical contact with an unknown energy source, we have no idea…” someone was saying.

Cooper risked opening his eyes. Commander Briggs was there, Taube, too, and a nurse, and a medical droid. It wasn’t that big of an audience, but it felt like a whole stadium of people once he realized what happened. “Did I throw up on anyone?” he mumbled.

“No,” Taube replied bluntly. “You about to?”

“...uhm…”

He must’ve gone grey or green or whatever color you turned when you were about to puke, because Taube swore and got out of the way. At least that way, Cooper didn’t throw up on anyone. Puking on the floor in front of his new CO, a respected war hero, and two medics was still in the top ten most humiliating moments of his life. There wasn’t much in his stomach to throw up, just water and one and a half energy bars. But apparently his body really didn’t want it.

There was a hand on his shoulder, someone asking him something, but Cooper barely registered the question. He stared down at the floor, eyes defocused. This had happened before, right? Fracture? Yeah. Fracture. He’d hit his head, suffered a concussion. Did he have another concussion? He’d fallen so many times on Typhon. He’d thought the jump kit and the helmet would take the worst of it but…hell, he didn’t know. He had no clue what he was doing. “Shit,” he muttered.

“Were you given any medication during Broadsword?” asked the med droid. Its voice was neutral in a calming way, but higher pitched than BT’s had been.  Thinking about BT made his stomach churn. “Exposure to any other energy sources?”

Had he? So much had happened. He could barely keep track. “Uhm...s-sansufentynal. After my drop pod landed. And...Lastimosa…” The name tasted bitter in his mouth. “…gave me something, I don’t know what. He said it might knock me out, but I’d feel better once I woke up. I was in a power chamber, there was some radiation, but I think it wasn’t so long that my suit couldn’t handle it.”

“Understood.” The med droid began speaking in softer tones to the medic, something about blood work and scans; Cooper was too busy trying to control his still-revolting stomach to really pay attention.

Am I dying? Did I really survive all that bullshit just to die like this?

“You’re not dying,” said Taube roughly. Cooper looked up at him, confused. Had he said that out loud? How out of it was he right now? “Just keep it together, kid. We’re gonna get you help.”

He was the one resting a hand on Cooper’s shoulder. The reassuring pressure of the grip contrasted with the way Taube actually looked: worn down, five o’clock shadow, bags under his eyes. He looked just as ready to pass out as Cooper felt.

Cooper couldn’t blame him for that. It had been a hell of a long day. Using the past tense didn’t feel right, though. A day like that couldn’t just be…over. Not like this. Not with…

He lay back down and shut his eyes tightly.

He can’t be gone.

How can he just be gone?

The thought kept echoing in his head as they dragged him into a private room in the medbay. Cooper went through the motions, sitting up, letting them look him over, responding to any questions he knew the answers to. The answers kept getting shorter and shorter; if that concerned the medics, Cooper barely noticed. Everything was growing more distant—sounds, sensations, the overall feeling of reality. All he wanted to do was curl up somewhere quiet and dark and sleep.

Sleep and wake up in a world where BT wasn’t gone.

.

Cooper had gone quiet.

Barker hadn’t noticed it at first. He’d only realized because he’d happened to glance in Cooper’s direction. He was hunched over, face buried in his hands, not making a sound even as his shoulders shook slightly. Barker wasn’t shocked—after everything Cooper had been through, having an emotional crash with the physical one wasn’t out of the blue or anything.

Should I do something?

Barker barely knew the guy from Adam, but he had a feeling Briggs didn’t either. That might’ve been part of the problem, now that he thought about it. All that shit and no one he could talk to about it.  Still, one of us should say something. Briggs was still talking intensely with the human medic, and the bot didn’t look like the reassuring type. It was either interrupt or…

He sighed. Ah, screw it. “Hey, Cooper?” Barker said carefully as he stepped forward.

Cooper didn’t reply.

Shit. “Cooper?” Barker repeated, a bit louder this time. When that didn’t get a response, he knew it was time to switch tactics. Cooper had been a rifleman before this; maybe he just needed a good prod from a CO to get him out of it. “Pilot,” Barker tried, trying to force his voice back into tones he hadn’t used since the IMC.

Still nothing.

Except he hadn’t been pilot for longer than a few days, right? Field promotion, no time to get used to it. So maybe…

“Hey, Rifleman.”

Cooper straightened up immediately, shoulders squared, hands dropping down from his face. “Sir,” he said. His eyes were pink, still wet with tears. He didn’t seem to register who Barker was at first; his body just responded to the rank. Muscle memory. Hell of a thing.

Barker had Cooper’s attention all right, but now he didn’t know what to do with it.

“You, uh…” Barker took another few steps forward and clumsily rested a hand on Cooper’s shoulder. “You okay?”

The kid looked at him like he was trying to figure out the right answer to the question.

That look didn’t last long. Whatever it was Cooper was trying to press down and re-shape into an acceptable answer shattered like a glass bottle. His composure and decorum went with it. Next thing Barker knew, the kid’s face was pressed against his chest as his body heaved with audible sobs.

Damn it, I am not equipped for this.

Though he may have been more prepared than everyone else there. Briggs looked just as caught off-guard as he did, and the medbot wasn’t going to be any help. The flesh and blood medic looked lost, too. Barker shot them all a baffled look as he clumsily patted Cooper’s shoulder. You’re gonna let me do this? Really? “’S’okay. Let it out.” Don’t worry about me telling anyone. I will definitely be drinking enough to forget this. “I’m sorry.”

The words tasted sharp, bitter. I get it. That part was left unspoken, but he did. The empty hole in your head, in your soul. You formed bonds quickly in combat. Cooper might not have had the years of connection Barker had with Juliet, but that wouldn’t make it hurt less. Someone sacrificing themselves for you never went down easily.

Barker gritted his teeth. Definitely drinking tonight.

“You’re safe now,” he said instead. “We’ve got you, kid.”

Cooper’s sobs slowed eventually. He let go of Barker’s jumpsuit, instead tightly hugging himself. He rocked slightly in place—self-soothing, if Barker had to guess—and his eyes stayed clenched shut. “Can’t,” he choked out.

“Can’t what?”

“It…mmph.” His shoulders hunched more tightly, like he was trying to shrink into himself. “Bright.”

Briggs finally snapped out of it and went to dim the lights. The medbot said something to the human medic, who cursed quietly and started digging around through some nearby drawers. Barker, meanwhile, crouched in front of Cooper, trying to catch his gaze. “That better?” A pause. A nod. “Anything hurt? Like, about to drop dead hurt?”

Cooper hugged himself more tightly. Damn it, I’m making things worse again. Barker didn’t think this was a panic attack; he’d seen plenty of those before. So what is it? What’s wrong?

The medic nudged him aside gently and held out something to Cooper. “Here,” she said. “Do you think you can use this?”

She small tablet she’d passed him had an application open with a bunch of buttons. Barker could see an alphabet, and some standard words and phrases. Cooper took the tablet, then stared at the application as if trying to register what he was looking at. After a lengthy pause, he tapped one of the options.

“No.”

Okay, they were getting somewhere. “No, nothing hurts?” Barker guessed. Cooper nodded. “What do you need, kid?”

A pause. This time, Cooper tapped at the letters.

“Alone.”

…yeah. Fair.

“Can we clear the room, guys?” the medic asked. To Cooper, she added, “We’ll be just outside. Come get us if you need anything, okay?”

She seemed confident that Cooper wouldn’t hurt himself or have a heart attack, so Barker followed the others outside. He took one more glance at Cooper as he stepped out, and almost wished he hadn’t. The freshly minted pilot had hunched back over, the tablet hugged tightly to his chest. It was something no one should see, least of all the drunk who’d only just met the poor guy.

Barker looked away. Jack Cooper was going to be the talk of the town when they got back to Harmony. The least they could do was let him grieve in private while he still could.

[sisselin]

Uuuugh I give up for now! I just can’t figure it out OTL 

Grey arrow: The bows are getting squished 

Green arrow: Stupid spikyboy..

Blue circle: What is up with this shadowyness D=

Anyways if someone feels like looking at my package or blender files they are available here: http://simfileshare.net/folder/85619/

Also you can just get the mesh if you want to make something yourself with it too.. edit or use parts of it it’s all good

@aleniksimmer I went through the bones and they are the same as another ea dress and in the same order =( And the shadow issue I mean is circled in blue ;__;

[batarella]

3 birds 1 stone - BLUE

From a world once so cruel, that never seemed to have granted them the time enough to be together, it’d never built up into anything more perfect.

WORDS: 7785 WARNINGS: Sexual Content

MASTERLIST | 3 BIRDS 1 STONE MASTERLIST | RED | YELLOW

-----

Dick:

It was concerning how at the moment he stepped into the narrow elevator, he wasn’t the least bit surprised at the pile of animal shit at the corner. It wasn’t until the doors closed when he noticed it, or rather his nose did, and he had to clog his nostrils just so he doesn’t pass out on the floor.

“Gar!?” he yelled just as the doors opened. No one was there, save for Raven with a book sitting at the couch. She didn’t glance at him. “Gar, I swear if you took a shit in the elevato-“

“That wasn’t me!”

Gar’s voice came from the kitchen, panting and occupied with something unruly. Then he heard plates falling to the floor, breaking, then there was a whimper. Not one that came from a human.

“Then who was it!?”

His question was soon answered, when a dog, a brown-furred mutt, sprinted out into the living room with a strip of bacon lodged in its teeth. “Gar!”

“I told you!”

Gar came out of the kitchen with a leash that had been ripped. “It wasn’t me!”

“You brought a dog into the tower?!”

“It was hungry!”

The mutt had finished off the bacon and headed straight for Raven’s lap. She gave it a scratch under its ear.

“Not on the couch,” Dick said.

“But Dick-“

“You’re not allowed on the couch either,” he told Gar. The boy murmured something Dick couldn’t hear, and after a second, no longer was he a boy but a green parrot. It squealed against Dick’s ear before it flew to Raven’s book.

“Jesus-“ he rubbed his ear. “I’m not in the mood.”

“SQUAWK-,” the parrot said. “WHAT’S UP WITH YOU?”

Having some coherent answer to that would only cement it as some grueling reminder. Hell, even thinking about it hurts more than the coward’s way out of pretending the past year never even happened. But then again, here he was, back in the Titan’s Tower to escape from the love of his life he could never be with and force himself into this infernal damnation of having forever to get over her. Here. Thousands of miles away. Where he’d only have his thoughts to battle and nothing else.

But all he said was: “Nothing.”

Dick should have told her, at least. Given her that kind of closure instead of his current disappearing act without so much as a note or a text or even a notice memo at the manor’s announcement board, which Alfred insisted with there being eight kids around.

But being away will be good. For her. For him. The first step to moving on. And with that, cutting all ties. Make it hurt less for both of them.

Maybe not all ties. He’ll have to go back to Gotham soon enough. But at least he was trying something. Not like the past five, six, seven years. God, has it really been that long?

She was probably over at Tim’s office, or Jason’s apartment doing whatever. Thinking about it won't do him any good. Doesn’t mean he subconsciously won’t.

It was apparent, and out into full consciousness, when he pulled out his phone and saw her name in five missed calls, with voice messages she’s left behind. A whole lot of minutes of them, too, it seems. She’d called while he was on the plane.

He could listen to them. Hear her voice one last time. Let his mind trail away. God, he was pathetic.

Dick put it up to his ear, his other hand stuffed to his pockets as he went out to the tower’s highest balcony so at least the air wasn’t so stuffy and he wouldn’t choke so much.

He wasn’t even nervous when he heard her speak. “Hey, Dick.”

A plane. A helicopter. Some folks over at the apartment building nearby partying it out. At least he’d have something to look at. He was exhausted, too. It was eight am over at Gotham. Shouldn’t have taken the overnight flight.

“You weren’t at the manor. I tried calling there first. I wanted to see you. Call me when you get this?”

He might. After he listens to the four other messages she’d left behind.

“Hey. I know it’s only been an hour. But please call me.”

Another one.

“Dick, where are you? I hope you didn’t change your phone. or I’ll look stupid leaving all these messages behind, which I’m not about to stop doing. Call me. Please. No one knows where you are but no one’s panicking either. It’s worrying me.”

Next one. From another hour after. He’d been gone a little over ten hours since he left. If Bruce didn’t have a tracker on him, they’d have called the police by now. But he highly doubted Bruce would take the time to announce his little trip to the West Coast to everyone in the house.

“Dick, if this is you ignoring me, you’re doing a hell of a good job at it. Did I do something?”

He heard her huff over the phone. No one else seemed to be around her.

“Please, I just wanna talk. Call me.”

The last one. Sent just four hours ago, which meant she’d been awake at four in the morning.

And, on top of that, the last one was five whole minutes long.

A call to tell her she was dating Tim again? Explaining how there are no hard feelings? Catch a movie sometime? An ass of him to think she’d be that cruel, but he was jetlagged and exhausted and the smell of dog shit still hadn’t left, which could be explained because that mutt had made a home just a few feet away from where he stood.

Dick played the message despite all that. Even if she called to tell him she’s getting married. He’d answer it.

“Dick…”

He could hear the rain, sheets shuffling under her feet.

“I’m sorry…” she said. “I… I probably took too long… I guess, if you’re ignoring me, you still deserve to know. I hope you get this message. I’ll tell you now, I guess. So you won't have to respond if you don’t want to.”

Tears. He could hear her wipe them off her skin.

“I kept you waiting for… I wanna say months but it’s a lot longer than that. Years… God, and I didn’t even see it… I took too long trying to figure this all out for myself, and you just kept waiting for me. No one should be worth waiting for that long.”

He was laughing as if it were one of her god-awful jokes. Funnily enough, it was worth it. Even when it sent him nowhere in the end. All that waiting was worth it. Somehow.

“Which is why I don’t blame you. Because you shouldn’t have taken this long. I thought even if I took another few weeks before I’d have enough courage to finally ask you to be mine, you’d still be there waiting for me. Selfish as it is, but I guess that’s your fault, too. Spoiling me and whatnot. Now my expectations for men are out of hand. Sorry.”

She even fucking laughed all the while he could hear her biting back her sobs. If he were there, he’d hold her by the shoulders and squeeze the fucking sense back into her and tell her yes, I did wait for you, and I’d wait for you for a hundred more years if I had to but I know you love someone else and-

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Backtrack.

What the hell did she just say!?

“I mean, I’m…” she continued, completely ignoring his panic. Was there a rewind on this thing??? “The past two days all I did was read your letter. Over and over again, trying to find something I could have missed. I memorized it by now. I’m a wreck. I’m sorry. I know it’s all so complicated, but I can't stop thinking that if the timing had just been good to us the past few years, all this would have been so different.”

Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT, is she actually saying she-

“I’m so sorry, Dick…” she sighed. “I kept you waiting. But even if… even if you’re not anymore, I already made up my mind. I’ll be here. It’s my turn to wait for you. As long as it takes. I love yo-“

Something hit the back of his knees.

Which, unfortunately, with him not in some defensive stance, caught him in a rather vulnerable position.

And with that, Dick tumbled off his feet, almost fell off the railing, and failed to catch his phone from slipping right off his hands.

“NO!”

“DOWN BOY-SQUAWK!” Gar the parrot cried and followed the obnoxiously unruly dog running around the terrace. “SORRY, DICK!”

The dog kept running around and almost crashed to his feet twice with it being too fast even for Gar's supposedly swift wings, and if he wasn’t so frozen and horrified, watching his phone descend from almost a hundred stories above ground, he would have grabbed that mutt by the neck.

“GAR, I SWEAR TO GOD-“

“I’m sorry!” He turned back into a human and caught the dog. “It was him!”

“My fucking phone just fell over the railing!”

“Want me to go get it-“

A car alarm. He could hear it even from above. Or Gar did. Because he went to look over and caught sight of his phone breaking a car’s windshield below. He scratched the back of his neck. “Sorry.”

“I have to…” Dick pulled on his scalp. “I have to go call her.”

“Call who?!”

“Give me your phone!”

“I don’t have a phone!”

“Give me Raven’s phone!”

“She talks to people with her mind,” Gar twirled his finger against his temple. “She doesn’t need a phone!”

“Just get- UGH!”

He stormed back into the building. “Where the hell is everyone else!?”

“They’re all out of town!”

“So it’s just you and Raven in here?! Without adult supervision!?”

“Why do you think we got a dog into the building?!”

Said dog stuck his tongue out at him like it was just so awfully adorable.

“Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok.” He can do this. He can calm down. “I have to go back. Or call her at least.”

“You’re going back to Gotham now?!”

She said she’ll wait. But to hell with keeping her waiting. “Yes. I do. I’m going back now. As soon as I can call her and tell her I’m on my way-“

“I wouldn’t do that.”

Raven didn’t even look up from her book, legs up on the couch as seemingly relaxed as if the whole wreck of a home they lived in wasn’t a mess at all.

“Next flight to Gotham’s in an hour.” She levitated an apple to her mouth and took a bite. “And the one after that’s in two days.”

“Two days!?”

“Airline shutdown. Some strike is happening,” she pointed at the TV playing the news. “I’d hurry if I were you.”

“God fucking dammit-“

“Good luck.” Raven took another bite.

Of course. Of course, this would fucking happen.

But, fuck, he didn’t know if he should just leap out the window to keep up now that everything he’s ever wished for had finally come to be. Because, to his own beliefs up in the clouds, he could probably fly with just the flap of his measly arms.

Y/N chose him.

He left for the elevator, just before Gar stopped him for leaving his wallet, then he was sprinting his way back to the airport.

.

You:

“I already made up my mind,” you said to your phone as if there were anyone else on the other line. As if he was there, listening to you. And that in a few seconds, he’d respond.

“I’ll be here. It’s my turn to wait for you. As long as it takes. I love you, Dick.”

Quite haunting how easy it was for those words to just roll off your lips, because as much as you thought all this to be so complicated and difficult, it was the easiest thing you’ve ever had to say.

At four am, alone in your studio with all your lights off and your sheets in an unkempt mess. You stuck your knees so close to your chest, trying to conceal at least some kind of warmth against you. But even with it so easy, it didn’t mean it wasn’t hurting.

“I can't,” you stuck your palm to your forehead. “I know things are so hard between us… and this past year is just…”

You breathed, longer than you’d hoped, just to get enough air into your lungs just so you wouldn’t collapse.

“God, I don’t even know what to tell you anymore. It all just… It feels like it’s too late. Everything went so wrong between us and I can't stop but think maybe it’s the world saying we’re just not meant to be,” you swallowed. “And the scary thing is… I don’t even care.”

The blue rose you painted, staring back at you once so bright, but as the passing days of you still wondering if were brave enough to do this at all, it had dried up and was now blank, patronizing even, that maybe it just wasn’t right, even when you wanted it to be.

“I don’t care if it’s so complicated, I want you…”

On the bed, just by your feet, you locked your eyes onto Dick’s beautiful handwriting, some that had been smudged with the sweat from your hands with the paper now crumpled up after all those months of reading and rereading.

You closed your eyes.

“You sent me an awfully painful, heart-breaking letter,” you said. “This is my awfully painful, heart-breaking reply.”

.

‘I usually just say all this in my head. That’s when I get poetic. Sometimes I write it down. Most of the time, I try to paint them. I think of galaxies and meadows and skies and flowers and all that, metaphors as they are, but I’ll say everything I’ve got. Right now. Because you deserve to know that all those years of you thinking nothing could ever go how you wanted, that it could end being just that.

.

Dick:

“Hey.”

Hands on the counter, the attendant looked startled at the least.

“I need a ticket for the next flight to Gotham.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” she said, after taking a while to look at Dick’s handsome yet frantically uneasy face. “You just missed it-“

“I know, I know, I missed the last one.” The one that left just five minutes ago because of fucking California traffic. “But I need to get on the next one. Please.”

“All flights from San Francisco after the next hour are canceled I’m afraid.”

“Any connecting flights? Anything that leaves before that?”

“Sir, I-” she stretched her fingers. “I’ll look for something.”

His fingers, tapping onto the counter until the tip of his nails started to hurt.

“The best option’s a connecting flight to Denver, then to New York.”

“New York!?”

“Then there’s the railway transits to Gotham. I can book you a ticket for that, too.”

From a seven-hour flight to a seventeen-hour trip with layovers and a crowded train.

But as soon as he heard best option he pulled out his wallet quicker than when they told him his rent was three months overdue and that if he weren’t to pay the doorman that very instant they’d evict him.

He rushed to the first plane, closed his eyes, and prayed she hadn’t said anything in her voice message too important for him to miss out on.

.

‘The universe, or whatever it is out there that has a say in all this, they didn’t make it easy for us at all. If they did, we would have met long before we went too far into this mess. We were friends, sure, and you have no idea how much I value our friendship.

But I guess not even that friendship’s strong enough for us to deny what’s really going on. And that’s why it’s all so hard. I can't even look at you without thinking about kissing you, or holding you, or touching you. I can't hold your hand without wanting to never pull away. I can't even be in the same room with you and not stare, even when you’re just reading a book or talking to someone else. You are… you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and you’re just as beautiful within, which is why it was so easy to love you, and so hard to keep it in.’

.

You:

Morning. Eleven am at that. You slept before the sun was up, at least. But you were up all night.

Nothing. Not a call, not even a text from him.

Everything shattered, and you were still half asleep. The next thing you did, and the next thing to do, was wrap yourself up with the thickest layer of your blanket and hide in the dark, even with it such a lovely day.

Another message wouldn’t be such a good idea if he still hadn’t opened the last five, which seemed highly unlikely with him gone for almost a day now.

A day. It had been a day.

But nothing on GCPD’s notices reported a missing person’s file of an utterly gorgeous, half-Romani hunk of a man in any of their websites. You called the manor, again. Still, there was nothing.

Twelve at noon. All you had for lunch was a bagel from three nights ago. It stuffed you, at least.

You sat at your dining table and stared at your phone.

If there was a moment for so much love to come crashing at once, it would all have been too great for that to be possible.

But the moment you realized it was there at all,

A few weeks ago. Steph’s birthday.

A party at the manor. It wasn’t much. Just a little get together with everyone at the parlor.

Everyone was talking, laughing, and frankly you wished you’d joined them. It looked like fun.

But instead, you were looking out the window, at the gardens white with melted snow and winds strong enough to knock the leaves out the branches. But you couldn’t hear any of that, which made it peaceful. It was the trees that danced, birds instead of planes that hovered over the sky, not a star above but perhaps it was because it was so full of clouds. It looked cold. Cold always looked so beautiful when you were looking out from the warmth of the inside.

Dick walked up to your side, just a reasonable distance away so he wouldn’t touch your shoulder, but close enough that you’d smell the jasmine from his neck.

“You’re just gonna stand out here and watch the glass fog up?”

You remembered laughing, probably at something else he’d said after that.

“It’s pretty when you look hard enough.”

And all the while, he didn’t pull your arm and drag you over at the crowd. He didn’t tell you to join them, to loosen up and have fun or have a drink or in any way stop you from what you were doing.

He just stood there and joined you, instead. Ditched his family. Didn’t even speak much.

He stood there because he wanted to. Because you staring out the window was more interesting to him than a whole crowd of kids doing whatever.

When he balled up his fist, covered it with his sleeve, and wiped the window right in front of you to rid it from the fog so you could see the gardens clearer, you knew you loved him.

Such a small act that was, but it was the finality of everything else that built up to that moment.

Then, you remembered what you told him last night, in a voice message that lasted way too long and sounded far too painful.

.

‘I don’t regret what I had with Tim… but I do regret not saying anything the past four years when I had the chance. You were there. You were there and I could never have had it any other way. When we’re not trying so hard for everything to be alright, everything’s at its best. I’m not even your girlfriend, and already I think about every minute I spend with you and laugh before I’m off to bed. I think about your jokes way too long than they should ever last. And your smile, god your smile, saying that that it’s all I could ever think about wouldn’t do it any justice. You have drawn out the ugliest laugh out of me that never should have come out of any human in existence. And frankly, I’m glad you do. Because just when I thought I could never smile again, you made me the happiest I could ever be.’

.

Dick:

Of all days. Of all times.

His survival rate at that point, rushing through Denver Airport with just a fifteen-minute layover period, with his shoelaces undone, probably wasn’t one he should have relied on. He was starving, but he had the appetite of a mammal in hibernation with the horrible airplane food costing a hundred dollars and everything else taking too long to prepare.

With just thirty seconds to spare, he fell to his too-narrow coach seat, shuffled along so his large ass-damn this cursed asset-would fit through the aisle and breathed just as the air hissed into the cabin after they closed the service door.

Head against the back of the seat, eyes up the ceiling, at the smoke that blew in through that gap outside the overhead locker, he ignored his dried skin, his dry mouth, his feet that were close to standing on a thousand knife tips, his eyes so close to just shutting out, his wallet painfully thin with this whole trip costing the equivalent of a round trip to Shanghai, and his whole body about to collapse. He hasn’t slept in twenty-four hours. It didn’t look like he was ever going to sleep at all.

And he hasn’t even called. God, what was she doing at home? Is she okay? Is she eating okay? Is she worried about him, staring at her phone wondering what she did wrong when she was nothing less of a perfect creation of all the gods that existed, an angel the earth didn’t deserve?

He really, really had to call.

Someone just sat next to him. A child. And next to him was his mother, who just put down her phone from a call.

“Excuse me.” Dick put on his award-winning smile, pretended he wasn’t sweating his balls off or that he was in any way close to psychological death, and hoped he looked the part as well.

“Yes?”

“Is it okay if I, uh, borrow your phone? I have to make a call. It’s sort of an emergency.”

“The plane’s about to take off.”

“It won't take long. I promise.”

He probably didn’t look as charming as he’d hoped. His hair was a mess not even a bird would settle into. The woman looked at him quizzically, up and down, and shrugged. Like it was handed to him on a silver plater, she gave him her phone.

The aircraft was about to take off. He only had so long.

He called Y/N’s number that he didn’t even know he memorized and settled back. It started ringing.

“MOM!”

The kid beside him. He was tugging on his mother’s shirt.

“MOM, I’M BORED.”

“We’re in a plane,-“

“I’M BORED. I WANNA PLAY ROBLOX-“

“Not now, we’re in a plane. Sit down.”

“GIVE ME YOUR PHONE-“

“That man has my phone.”

Fuck.

Y/N, fucking pick up.

“HEY, GIVE ME MY MOM’S PHONE BACK-“

“Kid, I hear ya. But you have to give me this one-“

“GIVE ME THE PHONE-“

That kid, a chubby one not older than six, stood up from his chair and was wild enough to grab Dick’s hand away from holding the phone up his ear. If he weren’t so desperate, he would have let him have it.

But god almighty, he’s never been as desperate as a starving man in a desert.

“Kid. Just one minute.”

“NO, GIVE ME!”

The mother put on a sleeping mask and faced the other way.

“KID-“

“GIVE ME MY PHONE-“

Back and forth, both grabbing onto the phone and the kid having the strength he did not at all expect, they ended up wrestling it out in the cramped-up economy seats until the kid was screaming out his ears.

He’s never looked so ridiculous but jokes on everyone else if they thought he could care less.

“Excuse me.”

An attendant, bags under her eyes and giving both of them, not just the kid, a dirty look.

“I’m sorry, sir, but the other passengers have complained about the noise. I’m gonna have to ask you to take your seat.”

“NO!” the kid screamed.

“DID YOU JUST BITE ME!?” Dick cried out.

“GIVE ME THE PHONE!”

“I NEED TO CALL SOMEONE!”

Dick grabbed the phone off his hands, palm to the kid’s face to stop him from reaching out to his outstretched arm. “Don’t you have some kind of coloring book you can give him?”

The attendant smiled, albeit forcefully, and walked back over to the back of the cabin. The kid did not stop trying to grab it off Dick’s arm.

She gave the kid a bag that probably had books and crayons and whatever stuffed inside. It looked so old. It had to have been in storage for the past ten years.

But as if some miracle heard him, the kid shut up, took the bag, and settled on his seat. Then he was as quiet as a mouse.

Fucking finally.

He held the phone up his ear and closed his eyes, fingers easing the tension on the nerve on his forehead.

“And sir?”

The attendant smiled at him. It didn’t look so much of a smile as it was a death threat.

“I’m gonna have to ask you to turn off your mobile device.”

To say he wanted to squeeze the life out of everyone in the whole aircraft, including himself, wouldn’t cut it.

And he didn’t even have it in him to protest.

“Hello?”

Her voice. At the other end of the line. That word was all there is to it, the only thing he heard.

Dick sighed, closed his eyes, counted to three, then ended the call after just two seconds.

The next thing he heard, for the next three hours, would be the screams of the child at his side, kicking on his seat like a fucking soccer ball.

.

‘That call from a year ago. The one about Kori. Fuck, I don’t even know where to begin. I overreacted. By a mile. Did some stupid shit to make up for that guilt and masked it over as another heartbreak when really, it was me refusing to have to go through all that again. I had to see you with that woman when I was in love with you for three years. Of course, it hurt. But I shouldn’t have an excuse. It was so stupid. Just thinking about it makes me want to break. I’m so sorry about that, Dick. I know we’ve already been over that months ago, but I just want to clear everything while I still can. God, I don’t even know if you’d listen to all this. I’m rambling. I’m sorry. I put all the blame on you when I had my share of mistakes. A whole lot of them. I’m sorry. I love you. And I’m sorry.’

.

You:

Hung up after two seconds. All you heard on the other end of the line was breathing and huffing, and nothing else. Whoever it was, they’ve been calling the past two minutes, just as you stepped out of the shower. And you almost cracked a rib flying from your bathroom to your kitchen table with just a towel around you, hoping to see his name on the screen. But alas, your luck just wasn’t at its peak.

You put your phone down, still with nothing to do, nothing else you could think of doing, than to just wait on that seat, stare at your phone, and hope Dick hadn’t hurt himself going after some goon alone the night before. Still no missing persons report. Nothing from the rest of the team, either.

Maybe just once more. You could call him. It wouldn’t annoy him too much. It had been hours since the last one.

You called, put the phone up your ear.

No ringing. It went straight to voice mail.

You opened your mouth, thinking you had something to say.

But you didn’t have anything to say. Not anymore. Not after you poured your whole heart out on the last one and now your throat was as dry as your palms were sweating.

You put your phone down, facing away from you, then you sank to your arms, burying your crumbling face away even with no one to see you.

.

‘That’s why I hate myself for not caring if this was difficult. Because I know, somehow, that’s it’s all still gonna be worth it. With you. Just thinking about the things we’d do, you’ve been the light of my life, the one person I look for not just because I need it, but because being with you makes so much of my day, every day that I see you. I look for you in crowds. I turn to your face when I want to look at something pleasant. I stare at doors, constantly hoping you’d be the one to walk in. I seek out for your voice, call you even when I know it’s a bother, find the most ridiculous excuses and the most stupid questions just so I’d have a reason to stand close to you, to have you talking to me, wanting all that everyday. I’ve never met anyone like you, Dick. I’ll never get used to you, and there’s no way in hell that I’d ever get tired of you. And maybe that’s the price to pay with all this being so hard. As complicated as it is, the troubles aren’t half the worth of the happiness it comes with.’

.

Two flights, three within the past thirty hours, jet-lagged far beyond a night’s repair, and his stomach in so many knots that even the bag of peanuts from the plane was too much to digest. And it wasn’t from poisoning or hunger or whatever it was. Everything in a whirlwind, one he can't even track.

He got to New York before it was dark, and he wanted to kiss the floor.

But he wasn’t at Gotham yet. This trip wasn’t over.

And if it weren’t for the half a million people crowded over at the airport, he would have been in Gotham right at that second.

Past the crowd, fumbling and running for whatever life he had left that wasn’t a spirit descended into something infinitely better than this, he made it over to the other side of the terminal, with his pits sweating his shirt off and his legs made of cooked chicken drumsticks and dough.

He got to the railway station, over at the attendant behind the counter.

“Excuse me,” he panted, and just like the one at the San Francisco airport, it startled her. Except now, there was no using his charm or his looks when he looked like he crawled out of a swamp.

“To Gotham,” he said.

“Ticket?”

He reached for his wallet, hands shaking so horribly it was worrying if he hadn’t known it came with his mind being as much of a mess as a wrecked ship from the 1800s.

And all the more did they tremble, down to his sorry knees, when he opened every flap there was on his wallet to find every pocket empty.

No.

No. no. no. no. no.

He searched his pockets. His jacket. His pants. His fucking shoes. If he had a hat he’d probably look into that too.

Nothing. Not a stub. A tiny stub that would have easily been blown by so much as a gust from a fan, let alone running a marathon in three airports in a single day.

“I,” he swallowed. “I seemed to have lost my ticket.”

Yeah. He wasn’t getting out of this one. The attendant looked at him and snarled like the annoyance he was.

“All the trains are sold out. And I’m afraid you can't board the train without a ticket.”

“Ma’am, I really, really, have to get to Gotham-“

“I’m afraid you’re gonna have to step out of the line.”

Like every force in the universe was out to get him.

“Do you have a phone? A payphone at least? I really need to call someone-“

“Sir, please step out of the line.”

“Please, ma’am, there has to be some way you can squeeze me into one of those trains-“

The attendant waved at someone behind him.

Two security guards were at his side before he could even turn around.

“Alright, alright, I’m leaving,” he huffed. “You guys don’t happen to have a phone I could use?”

Both guards ignored him, set him aside against a pillar.

And, with the excruciating exhaustion finally crashing into this one blow to the face, he stuck his back against the column, head up to the ceiling, then fell on his ass.

God, what does he even say to her after this?

If he actually gets to talk to her, that is.

“Final call for boarding!”

That light. One, single light. Or two, if he focused his eyes. The headlights from outside the revolving doors, from a bus that just opened its doors. It was a light, because it had GOTHAM in bold letters pasted onto its windshield.

And a line of people stepping inside. Kids and adults, old people alike.

He sat up from the floor, hungry, tired, and in pain.

But this was all going to be worth it. Every minute of this.

He just knew, that one last push, after this tormenting, inferno of a day, would all come to an end he’d dreamed about since he first laid eyes on her that day at the Wayne Manor’s library.

Dick got in line outside the bus, told the conductor he’d pay when they get inside. And after he did, he had just a quarter in his wallet to spare. No one sat beside him. The others were at the back. The one across was fast asleep. He couldn’t call her.

He’ll just have to hope, that whatever worries she had waiting for him to come up, that she’d forgive him enough for all this to end the way he hoped it would.

Three hours on a bus.

Didn’t even sound like it was remotely a long time.

The moment he took his seat, the bus doors hissed closed, and the air so silent, so did everything else calm.

He’s waited so long.

But he just had to wait for another three hours. In a bus. Then he’ll see her.

He closed his eyes.

.

‘I don’t even know why I rambled so much about all this being so complicated.

Because even if I had to walk up to the sky, I know there’s a galaxy waiting for me at the end. You are worth it. You are worth everything. I’ve never been so obsessed with anyone my whole life. You are, with my whole heart, my greatest love. And you are so beautiful that I never want to look at anything else ever again. And I never thought I’d get know beauty the way I do when I talk to you. You are everything I could ever want. And so much more.

And that pain, that hurt we both had to go through after all those years. That pining and waiting, and the heartbreak just because I was too stupid to understand that it didn’t have to be so hard after all, it doesn’t even matter, when at the end, I get to be with you.

I’d go through all that again if it means I can be with you.

You are the man I’ve dreamt about since I could first dream, and I’m lucky enough to have you in my reality. It’s you I want, Dick.

So I’ll wait for you. As long as I have to.

I love you so much.

Please, for the love of God, call me.’

.

You:

That message.

The longer you stared at your phone, the more you wondered if it was the right thing to do at all.

It was four am. You were tired. And worried.

And it was four am now, a whole day after.

Not a single call.

You’ve done it this time. You tripped at the finish line.

You were selfish enough to keep that man waiting for so long hoping he’d keep going, just as he had been for years.

And now, this is what you get.

You have yourself alone, in your apartment, one you haven’t cleaned in a week, and your heart in the same shatters as it often had been.

Your phone rang. You weren’t so excited to pick it up. Rightfully so when you saw it was just Bruce.

“Hello?” you said, your weight against the table’s surface, also surprised that it hadn’t broken.

“Y/N,” Bruce said. “I heard you were looking for Dick.”

“Mhm?”

“Sorry I haven’t called. Anyways, the last location I can point him to was at the Titans Tower in San Francisco.”

Okay.

You’ve had your heart broken before.

But it wasn’t just that that had broken right then.

Everything else, every bone, every bit of flesh there was, it was this numbing buzz you couldn’t even fight.

“What?”

Just then, someone knocked on your door.

And it wasn’t just a knock. They were pounding against the wood.

The ringing in your ears hadn’t even subsided, and you were breathless, muscles stiff. You just let the pounding go on until you heard Bruce hang up on the other line.

Life didn’t even give you so much as a second to process all that, of what he could be doing there, who he was with.

Your walked to the door, and without looking into the eyehole, you unlatched the lock and opened it.

Some glitch there was if all this were nothing but a simulation.

But it was as if the last five minutes-no-the last two days hadn’t happened at all.

Dick never looked like such a mess.

But, nonetheless, the way you stared at him was as if he was as beautiful as he ever was.

Everything that had broken, the moment you looked into his eyes, had fallen right back into place, into an entity far stronger than any quake could knock it out of.

Dick shut the door behind him.

He grabbed your face.

Then he kissed you. Without words. Without letting so much as a speck of time, however it worked now that it’d stopped, pass and waste away.

.

Dick:

Whatever she told him in that message he never got to hear, everything she ever had to say, the instant he felt her kiss him back, it was like every word flew out of her lips. How she wanted him. How she chose him. How in love she was with the mess of a human being he could be. How all the trials they’d been forced to go through, all the misunderstandings and the fights and the long months of this troubling, awkward place they wanted nothing more than to climb out of. He got all that with the way her lips molded so wanting and harsh, pressed so hard against his dried, chapped pair that have never witnessed anything more beautiful and so awfully perfect.

No more time to be wasted.

Not another second.

He had her. He finally had her.

He got the girl.

Not a chance that he wasted so much as another second.

He pushed her against the wall and the gasp that came out of her wasn’t at all out of pain, but at the sheer desire that had sparked at such impact that only knocked her into the same place he’d long settled in. And he could just feel, how much she wanted so badly to speak, to tell him what was raging in her head that was as much of a mess as his. But they’ll talk. Eventually. After.

All he wanted, right then, was to have her. Love her. Love her. To send her off to some paradise that long surpassed oceans and mirages and heavens that stood on clouds, to culminate that seemingly endless torture into a reward so great, that to say it would have been worth it would be so much an understatement. To play every instrument there was and let the song resonate into her body, and make it last for the rest of his life for so long as he could touch her. All that, he was going to give her tonight. Tonight. Right then and there.

Grabbing her legs up to his hips, her hands pinned to the wall above her head, it was too much of a flash for him to rush into this beautiful thing that shouldn’t be rushed at all. But he couldn’t slow down if it meant that he lives. Even if he died right after, he just couldn’t hold back.

He was pushing himself into her and the sounds that he earned out his lips were more than any songbird could cry out. After just having her against that wall, he finally got the sense to take it to the bed. It was dark. Not a light was on. And it was raining outside the one window she had near the bed and just the streetlight outside was enough to make him see her face. Dick placed her on top of his lap, on which she enjoyed herself to her own pace. Her hips were like waves, the ocean that rocked about, and the stain on his pants that she’d left behind was just as wet as so.

At that moment even she didn’t want to wait and talk any longer.

He took off her clothes, lied back.

Then he hoisted her up so the sweetest part of her body was just hovering over his mouth, her strong, beautiful legs, one of skin and the other of metal, on either sides of his head.

.

You:

You were made of gemstones. You were shimmering.

Of diamonds and rubies and emeralds, of the most precious rocks that could be found on every soil on earth.

Everything. That pain. That darkness. All the troubles and hardships, the disputes and every tear you’ve ever had to shed. Gone. Gone when he drew out this wonderful melody of sensations from his sweet, sweet tongue quivering you to every core. You were rocking, shaking, trembling, barely keeping yourself up. Not long after you screamed, and like the skies heard you it screamed back with a thunderous roar.

Then Dick shed his own clothes and moved inside you, rolling your hips with your two bodies now this one, beautiful entity, like you were holding his hand, just as you did right then, as you both ran through the darkness of a cave that has long haunted you, with creatures and bats and ghosts flying about, just to reach the end that was a light so close and so bright, you chased yourselves, chased that very light.

And once you reached it, that blinding, flashing white light that shone with this painful, glorious sting to every bit of your flesh, to say you found that end would be wrong. It wasn’t an end. It was this continuous, tantalizing aroma that would last a lifetime. It was beauty. You felt beauty. And it was in ripples you couldn’t see. A blur you couldn’t comprehend.

You had so much to tell him and ask him about.

But just as that wonderful night showed you, you had the rest of your life to do just that.

.

Epilogue

Dick:

Life could only ever be so cruel.

But life gives its niceties. Sometimes, to the people so used to it that they take it for granted.

But it’s even more so of a nicety when it’s the people who’ve long deserved it.

Not to say he deserved the world, but it was just that he’d gotten. From a world once so cruel, that never seemed to have granted them the time enough to be together, it’d never built up into anything more perfect.

Watching her from his car’s driver seat, from where he had a perfect view of her looking at the wondrous scenes flash by outside the window. It was even more beautiful, more than ever before, now that he could take just a second off his time from the steering wheel just to kiss her.

Just a little over six months together. Never has there been anything so rewarding in his life. A rainbow, ten of them at least, that filled what was once this depressingly grey sky. He always knew it’d be worth the world. But even he surprised himself.

When they parked the car, got out into this wide, orange field, a farmland just outside of Jersey with a valley at the farthest end, the only thing that battled the brightness of her smile was the sun itself.

“It’s beautiful, Dick.”

Her voice, even more so.

He set up her canvas, all her paint, and her brushes. They found a spot on the grass that was clean enough for them both to sit on. She didn’t use her easel. Instead, they both laid on this plaid red and white sheet over the grassy soil, her using her own knees to hold it up. And Dick sat beside her, watching her as the hours ticked. Without looking away, no longer ashamed when she’d catch him.

Just before the last of the sun had set, he pulled out from his pocket a ring, one with a diamond a shape of a white rose on top.

He got it a week after they got together.

Her face, her lips wide open as she realized what came in front of her, then he asked her to be his. Forever.

She said yes, just as the sun fell.

-----

MASTERLIST | 3 BIRDS 1 STONE MASTERLIST | RED | YELLOW

-----

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[nomsugayoongi]

Off My Face. - Part 2

Pairing: Jungkook X Female OC (nameless)

Tags: FLOOOOOOOOFFFFF. Slight angst but mainly just sappy, ridiculous fluff. ("She" is SO into him) And smooching. Think of this as the warm up before the straight up filth starts. :p

She walked outside in silence with Namjoon close beside her. He'd realised quickly that this wasn't a light-hearted situation to poke fun at. She looked troubled and it worried him. He stayed quiet, following her to the very bottom of the garden. She wanted to get as far away from the house as possible due to her irrational but overwhelming fear of someone overhearing. She settled on a picnic bench among some trees at the very end of the garden. Namjoon sat on the table itself with his feet on the bench. "What's going on?" He questioned. She sighed with exasperation. "God, I don't even know. It's so stupid." She groaned. She felt like a complete tool. "Ok, I'm just going to ask you something. Did you sleep with Jungkook?" Namjoon asked.

She frowned, shaking her head emphatically even though the very suggestion made her stomach clench. "But something happened between you right? Last night maybe." He wasn't exactly sure what it was but he was definitely sensing a shift in their relationship. She continued to shake her head. "No, nothing happened. Literally nothing. But..." She broke off and shrugged. "But...you want it to. You like him." He finished. She nodded. "I don't get it Namjoon. He's Jungkook. I've known him ages. I've never even slightly looked at him like that but...last night. God, when he walked in it was like the light dimmed around everything else. He changed right? While I was gone. Something happened to him. Something must have. He's...so different." She muttered. Namjoon smiled slightly and shook his head. "Not really. He's made a couple of changes to his appearance I guess but...that's just Jungkook becoming more fully who he is." He mused. She glanced at him with a slight smile. Namjoon could always be counted upon to speak pure sense. "But then why the sudden attraction? If he is the same guy I left 3 months ago, how come I can't look at him now without my insides going nuts? They didn't before I left. My insides did nothing. Now it's like my heart is trying to physically beat itself out of me so it can get closer to him. It's dumb. I literally can't handle how...sexy he is. He's like this whole new person to me. He's the damn maknae. He's the baby. Unthreatening, sweet little Jungkook. Now he walks into a room and it's like a pheromone bomb explodes in my face and there is not a fucking thing i can do to keep my hormones in check. He walks in, I check out. Full mental shutdown for anything that isn't related to him. I'm like...possessed of something. Can't see, can't hear, can't think anything else. Just him. And my head is taking me on this fully realised, sense-surround journey of me and him. Thoughts of him...in ways I didn't even know I COULD think about him." She shook her head, the floodgates opening and everything she was thinking and feeling just spilling out. "This cant be happening Joon. It just can't. I can't feel this way about him." Namjoon smiled, "Why not? He's not seeing anyone. You know that. Maybe you should talk to him. Tell him what's going on" he suggested. She shook her head rapidly. "Ohhhh no. Nope. No way. Can't. What the hell would I say? Oh Jungkook, I Lost my damn mind in England and now you're crazy hot. Wanna make out?" Namjoon laughed heartily. "Maybe don't word it that way. But you know you can talk to him. He's Jungkook. He'd get it. And maybe it would help you to feel not so crazy. You can't keep this to yourself." He said. She shrugged. "Have to. I can't tell him Namjoon. I don't even understand it. And hey, it could be just like....a fleeting thing. Quick infatuation cause i've missed you guys." She mused, not actually believing it at all. And apparently Namjoon didn't either. "Well... Are you having these feelings about any of the rest of us?" He questioned. "No." She replied. "Exactly. I don't think it's just cause you've been away. I think you've realised that home wasn't what you thought it was. Going back to England showed you how much has changed and now you're back here where you belong, your eyes are opened to other things that might not be what you thought they were. Like Jungkook." He offered. She hummed thoughtfully. It did sound plausable. But the part of her that didn't want to engage in this messiness threw up defences. "But why him? He's Jungkook. I'd get it if it was Jin or you or..Shugs even. But he's the baby. He's the least threatening of all of you. Except maybe Jimin and that's only because he's actually made of rainbows." She joked. Namjoon smiled and shook his head. "But he isn't. I think this is why you feel like he's changed. Jungkook isn't a kid anymore. We've all joked about the Maknae. But he stopped being the baby years ago. He's grown. He's an adult. The changes... The tattoos and piercings and hair. He doesn't want people to see him as a kid anymore. You thought he

was safe because he fit into a nice little box of being the baby. Now he's challenging that. And it's not just how he looks. He's more...in control of himself. He's putting out hard that he's grown. You're just...picking it up!" Namjoon explained. She huffed, dropping her head between her hands. "Well he needs to quit it. Things were simpler when he wasn't threatening. His new sexiness is offensive to me. I feel attacked." Namjoon laughed and she raised her head, smiling slightly. She knew she sounded childish. "I really think you need to talk to him." Namjoon suggested. She sighed, shaking her head again. "I can't. It's too messy. And he'd feel weird about it and it'd make it awkward and I don't want that. It'll pass. This time next week we'll be laughing about this conversation." He could hear the hopeful tone in her voice but wasn't convinced. convinced In all honesty, Namjoon thought she'd be great for Jungkook. He needed someone to balance him out. He was too hard on himself. Overly critical about everything he did, from starving himself before video shoots to completely breaking down if he made the smallest mistake. He needed someone to bolster him. To show him how he actually was. Not what his critical mind told him he was. It was a running joke that Jungkook was good at everything but Namjoon didn't like where it seemed to be going. He worried for his youngest brother. He felt that her affections could be exactly the thing Jungkook needed to calm him down. To show him that he didn't need to try so hard. He was enough. He needed someone to adore him for exactly who he was. And she was perfect. And Jungkook was perfect for her too. He could ground her. Show her that even though this wasn't where she was born, it was where she belonged. Show her that she wasn't an outsider. He could anchor her. Give her the confidence she was so desperately lacking. They would be so perfect together. But he could tell by her expression that this wasn't a conversation that she was willing to hear right now so he kept it to himself. "So what now?" He questioned. She shrugged, looking defeated. "Dunno. Just wait for it to pass I guess. Namjoon, please don't say anything to the others." She asked, looking suddenly panicked. He smiled, jumping off the picnic table and pulling her into a hug. "Of course not. But if you need to talk about it..." She nodded against his shoulder, suddenly overwhelming thankful to have such amazing people in her life. "Thank you Namjoon. I don't know what I'd do without you." She whispered. He laughed, tightening his hold on her. "You never have to find out" he said comfortingly. ----------------------------------------------------------- Weeks passed. Her feelings didn't. If anything, they were getting stronger by the day. Being around him was painful. Being away from him was worse. She was convinced that she acted differently when he was around. She felt more distracted but Namjoon assured her it wasn't noticable to anyone else. Her cover was still in tact even though she was sure that every interaction with Jungkook turned her into a spazz. They'd planned a movie night. She was going to cook for the boys, something she loved to do then they were all going to crash out in the lounge and binge watch films. After a day of shopping for food and prepping, she was ready for a relaxing night. It was extraordinary how much food those 7 guys could put away. Even after overestimating and cooking what she thought was way too much, they still managed to finish everything. She picked at her food. Cooking always made her lose her appetite and honestly she was just tired. She wanted to collapse on the sofa and zone out for a while with the comforting noise of her favourite people around her. As the meal finished, she began to gather up the plates and clear away. It could have waited until the following day but she thought she might as well do it then while she still had a scrap of energy left. With a tower of plates and bowls balancing precariously on her arm, she teetered into the kitchen and started loading the

dishwasher. She'd have to go back out for glasses and serving dishes. She smiled to herself, listening to the rabble coming from the guys as they moved into the lounge and fought over who got what seat. She heard the kitchen door open behind her and figured it'd be Namjoon or Yoongi. Generally If she was doing something, they helped. She turned and saw Jungkook wandering into the kitchen with a stack of serving dishes. He was balancing them on one arm while eating the remains of the top dish. "How are you still eating?" She chuckled, shaking her head. He smiled sheepishly with a shrug. "I can't waste good food." He replied with his mouth still full. She rolled her eyes, having a moment to enjoy the warm feeling that filled her tummy when he looked happy. "You didn't eat much. Are you ok?" He asked, the concern he expressed marred slightly by the giant amount of noodles he was trying to stuff in his mouth. "Yeah I'm good. I'm just not hungry. I'm always starving when I start cooking and by the time I've made it, I don't want it." She explained with a smile. He dumped the dishes on the counter next to her pile and turned to her, leaning against the worktop. "Are you sure you're ok? I feel like I haven't seen you in ages" he said softly. Her heart fluttered as she turned to face him. There was a moment of silence where she contemplated her answer. A tiny part of her was telling her to tell him how she felt about him. The vast majority of her was screaming to keep quiet. She nodded, wrapping her arms around herself. "Yeah...I'm ok. Tired I guess. And a little cold. Maybe I'm getting sick." She shrugged. He nodded slowly, the expression on his face was difficult to read but it made her stomach churn nervously. She turned to the dishwasher, distracting herself from his gaze by stacking the plates. "Leave that. We'll clean later." He said. She felt his hand on her back and almost jumped out of her skin. She straightened up and steadied herself. He'd taken off his white hoodie and was holding it out to her. "You said you're cold." He offered. A wave of affection surged through her as she looked at him. His soft brown eyes studying her carefully. She tilted her head to the side, taking in how beautiful he was. Not just in looks but In general. "Jagi" she whispered, barely audibly. The endearment left her lips without her even noticing. His eyes widened slightly for a second then a shy smile tugged at his lips. He pushed his hoodie into her hands. She took it, pulling it over her head, the smell of him enveloping her. As she straightened the hood and pulled out the yellow drawstrings, he stepped closer, untucking her hair from underneath the hoodie. He straightened her hair then paused, catching a loose strand from her forehead and pushing it away from her eyes, tucking it carefully behind her ear. "Sit with me?" He asked. She looked up at him, her heart hammering as she nodded. "Mmm hmm" She followed Jungkook into the lounge feeling slightly dazed. Maybe it was the lack of food. Maybe it was the brief interaction she'd just had with him. Maybe it was a combination of both but she felt...different. Her tummy was squirming but in a good way. She felt...warm. Her interactions with him were usually tinged with nervousness or fear. Would she slip up? Would she say or do something that gave her away? But at that moment she just felt peaceful. She just wanted to be with him. Wherever it was or whatever they were doing, it didn't matter. The guys were already sprawled over the sofas and Yoongi was arguing with Jin over what film to watch first. Jungkook picked the corner of the largest sofa, nudging Namjoon further over so there was space for her. She didn't miss the knowing smile Namjoon flashed her as he relented what was arguably the comfiest spot on the sofa. Jungkook sat, patting the space beside him which she took happily. He threw an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into his side. The arguement about which film to watch ended, the lights were turned off and silence fell as the movie began to play. She wasn't paying any

attention to the film whatsoever even though she was technically looking at it. She was too lost in her thoughts to actually notice what was happening. She'd watched films and cuddled with the guys numerous times. Jungkook included. But she felt so different. She could see him out of the corner of her eye. His face illuminated by the screen. She could seem him gasp at a cool part or laugh at a funny part. She felt every movement when he stretched or wriggled. His arm moved from round her shoulders and rested between them as he slumped further down on the sofa. She watched his hand gradually move closer to her leg. She moved her hand closer to his, using her little finger to trace the letters tattooed on his knuckles. She saw his face break into a smile and he straightened out his fingers, making it easier. She traced each letter slowly, then the crosses between, then the BTS logo. He chuckled softly and she glanced at him. "Tickles" he mouthed. She grinned, stopping her tracing. "Sorry" she mouthed back. He shook his head. "Nice" he muttered. He turned his hand over so it was palm up and she smiled, turning her attention back to his hand to trace the lines across his palm. He sighed quietly, resting his head against the back of the sofa and closing his eyes. He liked the attention. He needed it. He'd been feeling pretty down on himself over the past couple of weeks. He'd noticed that she'd been avoiding him and it bothered him. He couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong and though he felt the constant need to apologise to her for it, he didn't know what he was apologising for so instead he just kept quiet. His hyungs did their best to boost his mood but their affection and attention didn't affect him the same way hers did. They were his family. They loved him so it made it easier to take their encouragements with a grain of salt. But she had no reason to pretend. If she was giving him her attention, it was because she wanted to. And he craved her attention more than he wanted to admit. He knew that to her he was just the maknae but sometimes it was nice to just feel like himself. He focused on the feeling of her fingers gliding softly along his hand, moving up his wrist. It tickled pleasantly. He wanted more. He wanted everyone to go away so that he could have her full attention for a while. The delicate stroking of his arm stopped and he felt movement beside him. He opened his eyes as she was getting up. "Leaving?" He asked, unable to hide his slight frown. She smiled and shook her head. "Bathroom" she whispered. " Back in a minute" She needed a breather. A second away to collect herself. She was falling into this a little too much. Being in such close proximity to Jungkook. Neither one of them actually paying attention to the movie. He looked so peaceful and content as she'd been playing with his hand. She noticed every time he'd smiled or sighed happily, every twitch of his fingers when she ran over an extra ticklish bit. She wondered if he'd noticed that she'd traced the heart on his hand more than any of his other tattoos. She studied herself in the bathroom mirror. His hoodie was too big on her and she grinned as she wrapped the yellow drawstrings around her fingers. She took a deep breath, tried to calm the butterflies in her stomach and headed back. The way she felt in that moment, 2 minutes was too long to be away from him. He greeted her with a smile as she crept back into the room and took her place beside him once again. "Okay? He whispered. She smiled and nodded. She snuggled back into the big cushions and turned her attention to the film. She wanted to keep touching him but didn't know if the moment was ruined. He closed his eyes again, also wondering if her attentions were finished. He felt her shuffle beside him but didn't open his eyes. He was kind of disappointed really. Or at least, he had been for the first few minutes. Then he felt her fingers in his hair, pushing through until she touched the skin on the back of his neck. The pleasent tickle returned with the smooth, feather like glide of her

fingers. He shivered slightly, leaning into her touch. His eyes fluttered and he let his head lol forward. She traced swirly patterns from the nape of his neck, down, pushing her fingers under the collar of his t shirt to stroke the top of his back. She'd tickle up and down his neck then under his collar and along to his shoulder then back. He was almost purring. Her light touch felt so good. He was angry that his hyungs were in the room. Had they been alone he would have just laid on his front, whipped off his shirt and left her have it it. He wanted more. He wanted to feel the soft glide of her fingers all over his skin. As she pushed her fingers up through his hair another blissful shiver traveled down his spine. All thought fell from his head as a he lost himself in her delicate stokes. Slightly more pressure against the back of his head then soft again as she wrapped his hair round her fingers. He wasn't sure how long it'd been going on for but it didn't feel like long enough when she stopped. His eyes felt heavy but he forced them open, looking at her quizzically. "What?" He asked, noticing the slight bashful expression on her face. "I need to stop" she whispered. He frowned, "Why?" She sighed, exasperated. "I need a drink" she mumbled, getting up and heading for the kitchen. He sat for a minute, puzzled, then headed after her. He found her in the kitchen leaning against the opened fridge door. "What's the matter?" He asked, closing the kitchen door behind him to drown out the movie sound blaring from the next room. She huffed and shrugged keep her back to him. "I just...need a drink. And to stop petting you like a dog" she muttered. He laughed, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I don't mind" he replied. "Well I mind" she snapped back. He frowned, dropping his hand. "Oh....ok. Sorry." He mumbled. She turned to look at him, a bashful kind of hurt look on his face like she was angry at him. Her heart ached. "No...Jungkook, I mind because...." She took a deep breath, hating the look on his face, "...because I don't want to stop. I want to stoke you and pet you and make you feel good. But I can't because the more you enjoy it, the more I want to kiss you." She blurted. He looked at her wide eyed. Her face burned, her heart thudding wildly. Well damn. She'd said it now. "Jungkook...I'm sorry. I have been having such a shitty time being around you. Since I got back from England, you're all I can think about. I am so fucking into you it's not even funny. And I want to be close to you and do things that make you feel good cause there is NOTHING nicer than seeing you happy but it's just all tangled up in this shit i'm feeling and I don't know if I can keep them separate and I'm so scared of making you feel awkward or uncomfortable so....it's better if I just...go!" She sighed. Jungkook didn't seem phased. He nodded as though he understood then took a step towards her. "Kiss me?" he said softly. She nodded, rubbing her face. "Yes, I wanna kiss you" she replied. He took another step, a smile tugging at his lips. "No I'm not asking if you want to. I'm..." He sighed, "...I'm telling you to do it." Now it was her turn to look surprised. She frowned, looking at the smirk playing round his mouth. "Huh?" She barked. He took another step, closing the gap between them, he reached for her hands, pulling her to him. "Come here....and kiss me." His voice was lower and breathy. His brown eyes flashed as he leaned in, shaking his hair off his face. "Show me what you're feeling" he whispered. She almost wilted. His eyes closed heavily, his nose touched hers, their was a sharp inhale of breath from her, her grip on his hands tightening then her lips brushed his so lightly. Her heart was beating so fast she could hear the blood pounding in her ears. Her legs didn't feel like they could take her weight. His mouth opened, she could taste his breath. She wasn't sure if he was teasing her or they were teasing each other, either way, there was a delicious moment where the promise of the kiss hung in the air between them, then it ended, her lips

caught his, her hands sliding up his arms and winding round his shoulders. It didn't feel like a tentative first kiss. It was supercharged. All force and heavy breathing. It was like he could feel how much she wanted him and he fed off it. His hands tangled in her hair, holding her head steady as he took possession of her mouth, his tongue explored, he nibbled her bottom lip, she moaned against his lips, fingers curling against his shoulders. He could feel the slight nip of her nails through his shirt and it only served to make him kiss harder. He was rapidly losing control of himself. He felt greedy. He could feel the waves of desire radiating off her. The air was thick with lust. She wanted him. And he wanted her to want him. But not here. Not like this. He hated it but he eased up, letting go of the handfuls of her hair, trying to steer this back to somewhere manageable. He kissed her softer, running his fingers down her cheek, feeling her grip on his shoulders relax. He diverted the attention from her mouth, kissing sweetly along her collarbone then up her neck. A slight, mischevious nibble of her earlobe made her breath catch but he grinned, running his fingers through her hair. "Naekkeo!" he whispered.

[acommonloon]

TL;DR

about last night's mperfect ending. After stops at three Louisville venues, each more fun than the last, we decided to get a nightcap in New Albany. We didn't manage to get a drink at any of four stops in that sleepy town but we did witness a police officer chasing a black man down the side of State Street. Still watching for a news report.

Alternately a night for Morgans

_____________________________________________________________

D's niece's husband, J, is a sweet guy. He has almost no family of his own living in the area and his own family unit consists of an unruly teen (not his) a precocious 6 year old and 3 year old twins. It's a lot.

With that in mind, I always wait for him to contact me and he always earns his kitchen passes so when he texted me he had a free night out I was glad to hang with him. I only asked if he had a curfew. No sir. He's nearing 40 and regularly admits he wishes he could more often frequent the places D and I do, meaning bars and restaurants. I remember those days when self came last.

Our 1st stop was World of Beer. With 50+ taps and hundreds of bottles and cans sitting in glass front coolers directly across from the bar, it's one of my go to spots. J immediately set about building a flight of five small pours while I took my time picking one or two low gravity beers to sip since I was driving. They had two bartenders on this Wednesday night, Morgan was ours and our service was prompt and friendly. By the time we finished a plate of tots, loaded with melted cheese and fresh jalapeno slices I had our plan.

I hadn't been to Commonwealth Tap since before 2020. This small wine bar is in a movie set sort of town called Norton Commons. Think "The Truman Show." The houses were all built over a small number of years and though they are comprised of many different styles, with no two near each other being the same, they are on the same size lots and there is no variety in terms of weathering or decoration. Everything to plan. Unreal. Creepy.

I glanced at the wine list on a chalkboard noticing a Turley Zin at $18 and a Cotes de Rhone at $8. When the bartender asked what I wanted, I said, "Talk me out of the Turley and into the Cotes. He hesitated for a second and I said, "I want something minerally, earthy, not fruity." Like a Beaujolais Morgon or an Italian grown on the side of a volcano. Before he could reply, a guy sitting at the bar said we don't have that on tap. The Cotes is your best option and the bartender handed me a generous taste saying, try that.

I took the glass all the while evaluating the man who'd spoken up. He'd said "we" don't have that. He was alone at the bar except for us. I doubted he was just a bold regular, maybe drunk, who felt everyone benefited from his opinion, he wasn't drunk. Then he stood up and walked over the the wine racks. His search was one of familiarity and he pulled a bottle and sat it down on the bar next to me. Was he an employee or maybe a distributor on good terms with the staff? Then he began talking about the wine, about his many trips to France, and I suddenly I knew. "You're an owner here aren't you?"

He laughed and admitted he was. He introduced himself, Neal Morgan and for the next 40 mins or so he told us about himself and the bar. He told us about his wife, a pediatrician who worked for 20 years in Indiana and he went so far as to describe his Scottish heritage along with his general thinking about wines. When he said he was going a friend's house for a pizza party, I thought he was about to leave. Then he said he was going to take a kick ass wine but first he wanted me to taste it. It was a California pinot noir priced at $30 more than the first bottle he'd put down on the bar. It was fantastic! He gave us tasting notes and I admitted I couldn't perceive half of what he reeled off. I said he spoke like a sommelier and he laughed again and said he claimed he had a better palate than Kenny, the sommelier who worked for him. He thanked us for coming in and seemed sincere. When he left, J looked at me and said, "That was amazing." I laughed and said it was a Wednesday at a bar.

Before we left, I asked Rainha to make me a Penicillin and we talked about Scotch. She related how she introduced her brother to Scotch and now that's all he drank. We talked about how things were during the shutdown and I told her about a new place I'd been the previous Saturday. Outside, J exclaimed this was just the best time! He said he'd never be able to talk staff like that, let alone the owner. I said talking to industry people was one of my favorite things. They are so interesting and I think they find it refreshing when someone at the bar wants to hear about them instead of wanting to talk about themselves. Then I said, I know where we'll go next. Maybe Stephen is working.

Our next stop was at Cuvee Wine Table and Stephen greeted me at the door with a huge "Shane!" and a hug. If J was impressed with Commonwealth, I thought he should fasten his seatbelt. Stephen is a trip. Except, Stephen exclaimed I'm on this side of the bar now! To my quizzical look, he said he was the manager now. Amidst introductions, our bartender, Andie came over and introduced herself. She was tall, regally thin, and wore a colorful scarf on her head. She offered an engaging personality I perceived as professional banter but sensed alos she seemed to enjoy her job.

When I described what kind of wine I preferred, she said, "OOh how about a white?" Ooookay??? I thought to myself, this is going to be fun. Stephen came back as Andy set my glass down in front of me and asked, "What are we having?" Andie said, it's the Santorini. Stephen, a newly minted sommelier, immediately launched into an enthusiastic description about this remarkable wine from a Greek Island. He said it was so constantly windy, they braided the vine boughs into bowls to protect the fruit on the inside. I smelled it and it reminded me of a Sav Blanc but when I tasted it, I knew I'd found a new favorite. It had a salty savory aspect with more minerality than any white I'd had previously.

Andie was from Lexington and our other bartender, Heather, was newly arrived from the Nashville area. Heather was training behind the bar but seemed tres calm. At one point she asked us to wish her luck and I realized she was going to take an order. When she came back, I was a little surprised but delighted when J asked her where she was from specifically. It turned out they were from the same area and knew the same high schools and such. Great fun. When Stephen came and asked if we were eating, I said, "What am I having?" The cassoulet he responded immediately and then he tried to add in sweet breads but I insisted I was out on that. J selected a flatbread and when my giant bowl of white beans with pork and a small chicken leg came, I felt I'd got the better order. He admitted sheepishly he just didn't like beans and that was that.

I suggested we finish with a French brandy served in proper snifters and asked for a bottle of the Santorini to go home. It was full dark but comfortably warm walking to the car and J asked if I were up for one more on him. I suggested we go see Emily at Brooklyn and the Butcher. She made me a perfect drink in January and I'd been craving another ever since.

All the way to New Albany, J kept bringing up how much he enjoyed the two wine bars and how he hoped he and his wife could indulge in similar experiences when their children were older. He worried his wife didn't really like anything but sweet wine and was picky about that. I laughed and said D was exactly the same but she was game to hang out and recently started to appreciate ciders and frutied beers, and even some semi-sweet wines.

There were still plenty of cars parked on the street when we arrived at Brooklyn and the Butcher. I noticed there was no one at the hostess stand when we walked in but I breezed past into the bar. There were two women sitting at the bar and I was a bit disappointed when I realized the bartender wasn't Emily. I was even more so when she came over and apologized but said they'd closed already. I laughed and made a joke about the owner being an old man for closing so early then I realized who it was sitting at the bar. I asked, "Is that Emily sitting at the bar?" she said it was and I got up and walked over. We talked for ten minutes about my last visit and I asked her about her trip to Savannah. She kept apologizing for the bar being closed but I assured her I would be back. It was fine, we'd walk down to The Earl.

I got a bad vibe the minute we walked in. The bar was mostly full and there was only one bartender. He was wearing short shorts and took forever to get us a drink menu then never looked our way for the next five minutes. I suggested we go to Recbar nearby. There it was the same. The lone bartender, woman this time, was overwhelmed and though the bar was half empty she never looked our way before I lost patience.

Okay then. We were driving to my final option (so I thought) when I stopped at a light. J said, "Look at that! A cop is chasing that guy!" Sure enough through the sparse traffic I could see a black guy sprinting along the side of the normally busy road. His arms were pistoning up and down, his hands flattened into chopping motions like a track sprinter. Coming behind but steadily losing ground was a hefty police officer. He looked ridiculous and I can only imagine he might be thinking everyone watching thought he looked ridiculous. I wondered if he might pull his gun.

The light turned green then and I moved forward. That's when we spotted a car with the front passenger side crushed in where it had impacted the guardrail, on the opposite side of the road. There was a cop car with its lights flashing parked behind it. I couldn't see any activity around the cars as we drove past. About a half mile up the road we pulled into the parking lot of our 4th attempt to get a last drink. It was closed.

We laughed and decided we'd had enough fun. As we headed back towards the scene of the incident, sirens and flashing lights were suddenly all around us. I guess there was a manhunt. I weaved through parked cruisers while J counted eight more with lights flashing on side streets . Fifteen minutes later I dropped him off. He thanked me profusely but it nothing but what I like to do anyway.

20 mins later I pulled into the garage and for a second my heart did the little flutter it always does when I see D's car parked in its spot. Then I sighed remembering she wasn't home and wouldn't be for another week.

Just a Wednesday.

[moonprincemulti]

You Are Always Mine - Chapter 8

- 17 July 2021

- eighth chapter of a series (YAAM)

- catboy/shapeshifter hyunjin x music producer chan

- top chan x bottom hyunjin

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Chan awoke slowly, being in a feverish state. He tried to find out what was the last thing he could remember, but the harsh lights above him brought him back to reality really quick. His eyesight was somewhat blurry, and he felt like every sense was getting in way too much information. He turned his head, looking around for the one person he could think of. Hyunjin. The younger male was right there, still in the same spot as before, his eyes closed as he had no choice but to give in to their current fate. Chan took a small breath in order to speak, whispering the male's name. Hyunjin's eyes shot open, his head turning towards the older. "Chan! Chan are you okay? Are you in pain?" Hyunjin was relieved the older was awake again, having been nervous for a side effect from the hybrid dna. He had seen others die because of the first injection of the dna, as their immune system was too weak or their body seemed to reject the dna, causing a complete shutdown of all muscles, even the heart. Hyunjin struggled against his restraints, wanting to comfort Chan. "Answer me, are you in pain?" Chan shook his head slightly, not being in pain. He felt terrible though, and he wished he could sleep it off, but he knew that wouldn't be the case. "No, I'm not. I just feel horrible. Feverish.. all of my senses are.. ah.. it feels like everything is ten times bigger, louder, harder.." Hyunjin hummed and sighed. "I know.. your senses are adjusting to whatever dna they gave you. I'm sorry, really sorry. This shouldn't have happened to you."

Chan took a deep breath and looked at Hyunjin, smiling gently at him. "I'm glad you're alive. You don't want to know how many times I have grieved your disappearance.." Hyunjin pouted slightly. "I know how much you missed me. I've seen you cry before. I.. I'm sorry that I couldn't remember all of this earlier." Chan closed his eyes, already being tired from just talking and listening. "Is this.. is this what you felt like too? How many times.. did they do this to you? You must've been in so much pain.." Chan couldn't imagine how much poking and prodding Hyunjin must've endured during his years in this lab. Hyunjin bit his lip as he thought back to his time here, having flashbacks of painful procedures and strange tests he had to do. "They've done too much to me. That's why I feel so bad for you now.. I don't want you to go through the same thing." Hyunjin struggled against his restraints one more time, but he knew fighting was useles. The door of the room then swung open with a loud creak, Chan flinching as it sounded like metal scraping right next to his ear, his sense of hearing having been heightened. The doctor smirked as he saw Chan's current state. "You haven't died, good. How're you feeling, hm?" The doctor checked Chan's heartbeat and breathing, humming contently as he knew Chan's body was taking in the dna well. "You'll become a wonderful hybrid. Just stay strong, okay? I'm sure Hyunjin can tell you all about the pain that is waiting for you." Chan balled his fist and glared at the doctor. "You are a psycopath. I never gave consent to this." "You don't have to. You're our lab experiment now. Your human rights went away the moment we gave you that first injection of dna." ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶ A few days after Felix and Minho had reported their two missing friends, the police was busy preparing a raid of the laboratorium. Other previous lab experiments had escaped and slowly uncovered a big part of the secret operations of the doctors there, and the police wanted to take the whole organization down. Felix and Minho had been invited to be a part of the raid, as the police wanted them to find Chan and Hyunjin since they were the only ones that knew what the two males looked like. On top of that, Chan was the only person that had been taken without a good coverup, making Chan the perfect case to arrest the doctors for abduction and mutilation. Felix was pretty nervous as the police instructed them on what the raid was going to look like, while Minho just looked around with big eyes. Guns, ammo, weapons of multiple sorts and bulletproof vests were being handed out to the police officers, and Minho felt like he was in the middle of an action movie. As the head of the raid finished his explanation, Felix and Minho got handed bulletproof vests to ensure their safety during the raid. Felix gasped as he felt the weight of it, wondering if he was even able to carry it around the whole day. "It's so heavy.." Minho chuckled and put his own down, helping Felix to put the vest on. "You'll get used to it quickly. And if you get sore shoulders after all of this, I'll treat you to a massage." Felix smiled and looked at Minho. "I'll make sure you keep that promise." Minho hummed and put on his own vest once Felix's was on. "Sure, lixie." The head of police ordered everyone to take place in the guarded vehicles, ready to depart. The whole convoy of police vehicles raced through the city, but kept their lights and sirens off so not to let the doctors at the laboratory know that they were coming. Felix felt his anxiety increase as they came closer and closer to the lab, all sorts of thoughts running through his head about what could've happend to Chan and Hyun. What state would they be in when they found them? Could they be.. Felix was pulled from his thoughts as Minho placed a hand on his thigh. "Calm down. Let's not think ahead of what we might find and be grateful that we atleast get to join this raid. We can tell others we played a role in saving our friends." Felix nodded slightly and placed his hand over Minho's. "You're right." Minho and Felix smiled at eachother, holding hands the whole way there. As the convoy stopped in front of the lab buildings, the policemen got out of the vehicles, just as they were trained to do. Minho and Felix followed instructions they got from the policeman that was guiding them, making sure they wouldn't get in the way of the plan. As the head of the raid was busy breaking into the laboratory, they could hear a siren going off inside of the building. A warning sign for everybody inside. Luckily, police had surrounded the buildings and checked for any exits further from the buildings, so anybody who tried to escape, would walk right into the arms of the police. Minho watched the policemen do their job, the front door of the lab crashing open, walking inside to start doing what needed to be done. ➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶ As the siren went off, Chan was about to get injected with a second dose of dna. They had been in the lab for a more than a week now, and while Hyunjin was pulled away for testing and 'cleaning of information of the outside world', Chan was being experimented on just like any other victim in the lab. Chan had been in pain the whole time, as either his senses were overloaded, or the experiments they did with him caused his body to ache. Chan had no chance to fight back, as they were intentionally kept weak and chained up, only having eaten a few hundred grams of food over the course of the time they had been in the lab. He had only seen Hyunjin a few times, just to be tortured by the doctors as they treated Hyunjin in such a way that it made Chan beg them to stop, tears streaming down his cheeks. Chan had already thought about wanting to give up on live several times throughout their stay, and he couldn't imagine how Hyunjin survived years in this place. Now, the siren rang through his whole body as his sense of hearing was highly sensitive, and the doctor that was holding onto him let go in surprise. "No, no, not an evacuation." The doctor quickly put the injection needle away, cleaning up his stuff in an attempt to cover up their illegal deeds. Chan wondered what was happening, because an evacuation could mean several things. Either there was a fire, or they were attacked by something.. or someone. Chan bit his lip, kind of grateful that the siren had stopped the process of getting more dna, hoping it would help even more than just that. Every employee of the lab was frantically trying to hide either experiments, victims or equipment that would be an obvious sign of illegal activities. The police infiltrated the building more and more, arresting doctor after doctor and rescueing every person, or animal, that they could find. Minho and Felix looked around in astonishment as they were lead through the lab, seeing the filthy conditions and horrible surroundings that these people had been living in. Felix held onto Minho's hand tightly, Minho getting more worried about what Chan and Hyun must've endured in their time here. Then, as the front of their group had broken into another room, a figure ran down the hallway towards them. Coming closer, Felix immediately recognized it. "Hyun!" Felix let go of Minho, walking towards the taller male. Hyunjin had been able to fight against the employees that were transferring him, and had escaped and ran towards the nearest exit. As he saw the policemen and his two friends, he picked up his pace. He ran into Felix's arms, trembling with fear but also sighing of relief. Felix held onto Hyunjin tightly, bringing him into the safety of their group before studying him to see if he was hurt. Hyunjin was littered with bruises and small cuts, but it seemed like that was all. Hyunjin looked at them with curiosity, wondering how they had gotten into the lab. "How? Why? Are.. are we safe? Have you found Chan yet?" Minho shook his head. "Not yet. This is a raid Hyun, the police have forcefully entered the building and are arresting every doctor right now and saving all the victims." Hyunjin nodded and took a deep breath. "We have to find Chan. Please, he's in a lot of pain." Minho nodded. "We will. Come on, let's-" A gunshot. Loud and clear. The sound echoed through the hallway, as suddenly everybody had gone quiet. Hyunjin had made himself small on the ground, holding onto Felix's legs. Minho looked at the man at the end of the hallway. The doctor that had 'treated' Hyunjin and Chan was standing there. Gun in hand, unconscious Chan at his feet. Minho balled his fists, as the gunshot had only been a warning shot, but he knew the doctor meant business. The policemen of their group all pointed their guns at the doctor, who smirked evilly. "You won't get to this boy without a fight. You'll have to take him from me with violence and I can't promise it'll be without blood being spilled."

[dumbwaystodeviate]

Have you done anything like Nines deviating because Gavin admits that he's been in love with him since they met? I'm in the mood for fluff ❤️

“Be careful of Gavin, if he gives you any shit feel free to deal with him or come get me, ok?”

It had already been a few months and yet Hank’s comment still confused the hell out of Nines. The lieutenant was so sure that Detective Reed would be a hassle, always keeping an eye on him and checking in on the RK, that Nines was almost convinced he was right and that Gavin was just biding his time. Little jabs and the occasional tincan being thrown around with minimal, if any, had him a little wary.

But he’s starting to question the humans’ sanity as he watches Gavin, not for the first time, come back to his desk with two cups of what he knows to be coffee and thirium. It was always a quiet little exchange from the man, the cup left on the RK’s desk before he took his own seat and got back to work. It always was a nice gesture, and he even heated it up to ward off the cold. Not that Nines would be bothered by it but still.

Today was a little diffrent, finding a little baggie sitting next to the cup as he picked it up. The contents were a bright blue and he didn’t need a scan to know it was some kinda of android candy.

“Detective-” Nines must object to things a lot, considering Gavin knew it was coming.

“Just... try it? Heard it was good.” He really was doing his best to try and hide the fact he was watching Nines behind his monitor.

He couldn’t really find a reason to say no, so the RK carefully opened the little package to find the closest approximation to toffee that an android was going to get. He did his best to ignore Reed as he took a bite, errors popping off with a yellow led but clearing quickly as he ate another.

“Thank you, detective.” His smile is half baked but he was trying his best with what he got. Thankfully Gavin understood and nodded, going back to work for real this time.

.

The days move on and things more or less stay the same, Gavin’s rough and a bit of a jackass but Nines thinks their partnership is going well. He really wished he could get the man to leave Connor be, but his predecessor seemed to have things under control. He didn’t get why the human always picked fights, it was a wonder he didn’t really try it with Nines other than the names and occasional arm punches. Maybe it was because the RK was bigger and could toss him.

Sometimes,though, jackass would go to hazard. Nines knew from records the man had a streak of getting himself in danger, but this was the first time he had been there to see it.

Charging into rooms was generally a bad idea even when there wasn’t anyone armed, but in the middle of a search it was worse and tended to lead to gunfire. Gavin might be good at his job but that doesn't mean he’s psychic, but thankfully for him Nines is able to make up for it with predictions and a stronger body. One that can take the bullet for the human, and you would think said human would be happy about not ending up in the hospital again but here he was, smacking Nines arm.

“You Idiot! Do you think?! Look I know I can get into messes but you are smarter than I am!” Judging from the red on the human’s face, he was livid.

And Nines just didn’t understand. “I did what I needed to do, which is keep you from getting hurt. You know well that I can replace parts.”

Whatever Gavin had to say got washed out by a fustrated yell, throwing his hands up and storming off. Nines himself took off to get repaired but when he got back he couldn’t get a word out of the human, cold shouldered for the whole week. But there was always warm thirium on his desk regardless.

.

Gavin eventually calmed down from the little indecent, and much to the android’s comfort started looking around more when they had to enter places. He might have been mad but Nines could tell he learned from that, something a few other officers were a little surprised at. At least it made later cases less of a mess.

However today Gavin was a lot more fidgety than normal, burning through his work like the world was going to end and while it should be pleasing the curiosity over it got to be a little distracting even for an android. In a way, Nines was kinda happy when the end of their shift came, not that he minded the man. But some quite time to sort files without the hyper human would be useful.

Except that plan was soon thrown out the window. Gavin’s eager saving of files and shutdown was rushed as he prepared to leave, almost the same as every other day, leaving Nines to take to a charging port. As he turned back to his work he was suddenly spun around to face said human.

“Come on, Nines. Save that shit and lets get out of here. We got a movie to go see.” His grin stretched from ear to ear, an eager child in a man’s body. 

“A movie? Me? Don’t you normally watch movies with Tina?” So many questions, which was normal for him but this was a whole new topic.

“Well yeah, but that’s fridays. That and she’s got her new girlfriend so they are off having a hell of a night tonight.” He couldn’t help his snickering at that.

The more he thought about it the more confused Nines got. Why would Gavin bring him to see a movie? He was a machine, at best the entertainment value would be lost on him, worse he would possibly ruin it. “Why me?” Seemed like a logical question.

Maybe that was the wrong question, seeing Gavin’s face fall a bit caused quite a number or errors. “Cause I Love you and wanna go watch a movie with you? Didn’t I make that clear? I’ve been trying to show you that since the day you walked in. You’ve put up with me when others ran, you care enough to try and keep me safe even when I don’t need it.” A bold faced lie, each word punctuated by him lightly poking the RK’s nose, but Nines wasn’t calling him out right now. “Phuck you got such a pretty face...”

A lot of things can happen in a matter of seconds for a android, many things. Like his hud playing back all of the little things Gavin did, seeing them in new light. And how his systems started to overheat from the revelation. Burn right through his systems and programming to light his face up in a newfound embarrassment and excitement.

He didn’t look back behind him as he interfaced with his computer, saving his work as the excited grin came back full force. “You... think i’m pretty?”

Taking the RK’s hand, he attempted to pull him along. “Hell yeah, I’ll tell you more about it along the way.

[iliumheightnights]

We have a jedi [8] | Peter Parker x M!Stark Reader

Fandom: Star wars and Marvel

Pairing: Peter Parker x M!Stark Reader, Tony Stark x Son!Reader

Summary: (M/N) discovers earth has some secrets.

Read from beginning

The sound of tools and workers filled the warehouse. (M/N) followed Fury up some stairs to an overlook of the ship. There he was able to see workers fixing the ship with Janai overlooking it. He wasn’t sure just how he felt about so many people crawling around their ship. Not that there was anything to steal...but they didn’t want any information to be taken,any one could be a spy for the empire. 

“So you’re Stark’s son. I keep tabs on everything around the avengers so imagine my surprise when I discovered he had a son I didn’t know about.” The man looked at me like how some of the masters back at the temple did, it was unnerving. “And you come from space. Your mother told me about some of what’s going on. A galactic war? I knew something would happen in space...didn’t know just how big it would be.”

This man was acting surprisingly calm for learning about a large war in space. I leaned on the railing and looked at him. “You don’t seem so shocked. I’m guessing we aren’t the first person from space you’ve met?”

Fury nodded his head. “Your right about that. Hell I’ve even been to space. It’s one of the reasons why the avengers were created...in case a threat from space ever came. It was also if a threat from earth got too big, but space is a big mystery with lots of dangers.” (M/N) laughed at that. “You’re definitely right about that. If only it was a blue milk run.”

The man looked at him in a weird way. “So I have to ask. If Jedi and Sith exist...is all of Star wars real?”

“What’s Star Wars?”

…

“So apparently there's a movie series about Jedi and Sith?”

“Oh that, yeah that’s just propaganda used to try and make planets more likely to develop space travel.”

“Then why did most of the jedi get killed off?”

“You have to have some drama.”

…

A couple days had passed since their arrival. (M/N) had told Janai about his vision and warning of Darth Kren. With what they knew, fixing the ship became an even higher priority. Progress had been going alright with the help of Tony and Bruce. Along with progress on the ship, (M/N) had been spending time with the avengers.

He of course spent the most amount of time with his father. He had met Pepper and talked more with Happy. Tony would take him out to see different hotspots and interesting things he thought he’d like. (M/N) was happy when doing this, it made him forget about the war going on for a bit. He also spent time with the others, he’d spend time with Bruce in the lab either teaching or learning. He’d often practice hand to hand combat with Natasha if she was available. At first she was a little hesitant with how young he was, but that changed after he one upped her in their first practice. After Thor returned from taking Loki back to Asgard, the two would talk about war stories. Asgard wasn’t part of the galactic war, but they definitely had a history of conquest. Steve and him would talk strategies. Steve wanted to learn about new strategies and techniques the team could use and came to him and Janai for advice since they had experience with fighting in space. Clint was the closest with (M/N) after his own father. The man practically acted as a second dad and made sure he was always alright. He’d make sure he ate and got the necessities before he’d take him out to something like the park or for ice cream.

“Where are you guys going?” (M/N) watched as all of the avengers paced around the tower, getting ready for their mission. He noticed how the quinjet had been prepared. “Oh it’s just a simple shake down mission. Some idiots think playing with alien tech is a good idea so we have to go take it from them.” Tony said to him. “Don’t worry bud, we’ll be there and back in no time.” Clint chimed in. “Hey he’s my kid.” Clint snorted. “He’s our kid now.” (M/N) rolled his eyes at that. “Girls,Girls you’re both pretty. Now go on.” The two shook their heads, Clint patted his shoulder and Tony gave him a hug before walking off to finish their preparations.

(M/N) had turned to go back to his room when he heard a low whistle. Turning around, he looked to see who was calling him. When he didn’t see anyone turned back around only to hear the whistle again. He once more turned back and glared. What was going on? Then he heard the whistle from inside the quinjet. He felt a surge of energy rush through him and push him a little, it was then he realized the force was guiding him. He watched as the avengers all entere the jet, they would never take him with them...he’d have to sneak on.

Once the last of them had entered and he heard the engines begin to roar, he made his move. He quickly dashed to the ship and jumped inside as the door was closing. Luckily he hadn’t been spotted yet and hid himself behind some seats. He felt the jet begin to take off, unlike his ship you could still feel the turbulence. He moved around a bit, he had a feeling he was going to be there for a while, might as well be comfortable.

They had been flying for a couple hours, he had heard bits of conversations here and there. Eventually when they had gotten closer to their destination, The avengers gathered around a holographic table. “Alright, so we don’t know much about who these guys are. All we know is they took a good amount of alien tech from new york and high tailed it here.” Steve began the brief. (M/N) listened to all of it, he needed as much information as he could get. Why was the force calling him out here? “Our goal is to receive all the tech and to capture all of them. We don’t need them trying to get anymore. One invasion was enough.” That was his dad. He smirked at that, (M/N) didn’t want to fight another invasion again just yet. It wasn’t long before the jet landed and the team all rushed out to where they were supposed to go.

Exiting his hiding spot and leaving the jet he discovered he was surrounded by jungle. He could sense the force here, it was strong. He looked towards where his father and the other avengers had went and was about to follow when he heard the whistle calling him in the other direction. Giving one last look to the path the avengers took, he turned and walked the other way.

The path through the jungle was thick and teeming with life. It reminded him of being on Kashyyyk, except there were no giant Wroshyr trees. He could sense the many different life forms moving through the thick jungle canopy. The low whistle continued to call out to him until he found himself at a large crevice. He could hear the call through it. Taking a deep breath, he began to squeeze his way through. Finally he made it to the other side, it was dark and he couldn’t see anything. Taking his lightsaber, he ignited it to use as a light source. The light didn’t show anything useful except that he was in a cave. He continued to follow the call.

Walking for what seemed like ages, he finally arrived at a door. “Huh, what do we have here?” Moving his saber for better lighting he discovered the symbol of the Jedi on the door. “Jedi? What were we doing here?” Looking over the door, he saw there was no way to open it which meant one thing. Stepping back he reached out his hand and with the force, opened the door. With the door open, light was able to enter the cave. Walking through the door he turned off his saber and looked around. He was in a hallway which seemed to be a back exit of sorts. 

Walking down the rest of the hallway he found himself in a larger corridor. It was dusty and he could tell whatever this place was had been abandoned a long time ago. Old banners hung on the walls, many torn and tattered. The carpets were also in pretty bad shape. Exiting the corridor he was currently in he found himself in a large room, larger than even the main room in the Jedi temple on Tython. That’s when he realized it, this was a jedi temple. From the looks of it, it had been abandoned a long time ago.

Suddenly the room brightened and when the light cleared, the temple was different. It was bright, and the temple was filled with Jedi. The fountains below were flowing and the sound of younglings running around could be heard. He smiled at the sight. As quickly as it came, he was pushed from his vision and returned to the dreary desolate temple. “What happened here?”

The sound of a motor could be heard, it was faint like it was far away but coming towards him. It didn’t feel like a threat...yet. Suddenly he could see the maker of the sound across the hall. An astromech...an old astromech. “I guess this place isn’t as derelict as I thought.” The little droid saw him and seemed to jump a bit before rushing to try and reach him. Deciding to meet it halfway, (M/N) began making his way over to it.

Upon reaching the droid he knelt down to it’s level. The droid beeped happily at him. “Hey there little guy. What’s your name?” Beeepweer. “T3? It’s nice to meet you T3, I’m (M/N).” Bweepeep. “Do you know what happened here?” Bwooo. “Sith. I should have known it was the sith.” bwooh. “How long have you been here?” Bweeawamp. “Six hundred years? That was long before this war. How are you still charged?” Bwaaamp. “Stasis shutdown? So you were put in shut down until you felt someone comeback? So that person was me?” Bwoop. “Well...I’m glad I could help.” He felt a strong sense of cold come from the door besides them, but the whistle also called to him from in there. “I feel like I have to go in there. What is that place.” Bweep Bwoomp. “The Jedi council chambers? Then why does it feel so...dark.” bwoo. “Slaughter you say? No wonder it’s so cold. But I have to go in there. Wish me luck.” With a deep breath (M/N) entered the doorway.

Entering the old council chamber, he felt colder than he ever had. T3 had told him a slaughter happened here, but only now did he feel just how bad it was. He could feel the death that happened here. There was a lot of it.

“Look at you.” The voice came from a figure who stepped out of the shadows. The figure was dressed in dark armor. Stepping further out of the shadow (M/N)’s eyes widened at who it was. The figure...was him. “You’re weak.”

“W-what is this?”

“You could be much stronger.” Without a response, the other him ignited his lightsaber and lunged at him. (M/N) blocked it with his own. He then noticed how the other him had a red blade. A sith. “You call yourself a Jedi, yet all I see is a weakling.” The other him had gained the upper hand and seemed much stronger than he was. 

“I...I am a Jedi.”

“Are you? What kind of jedi actively ignores the rules of the order? Your attachments already make you not a Jedi. Break your chains!”

“I will be no sith!”

“You will never be a true Jedi!”

He was right. He never felt like he was a jedi and this other half knew it. “You’re right.” He used the force to push the other him back. Giving enough space, he turned off his saber. “I am no jedi.”  He dropped to his knees and closed his eyes. He waited for death to come. When he felt nothing come he opened his eyes to discover he was once again in that place he had spoken to Revan. He heard the low whistle once more and looked to see what was causing it. A kyber crystal. Grabbing the crystal he once again found himself in the council chamber, crystal in hand. “Huh...I guess it’s time.”

Looking around the council chamber, he discovered many discarded lightsabers from fallen jedi. “ I may never be a full jedi, but I will still try to be what you all believed in.” Closing his eyes he focused on the force. Parts and components from the discarded lights sabers broke off of them and gathered around his new crystal. After a couple of minutes he heard the final click as his new lightsaber fell into place. Grabbing the blade he ignited it and found a (Color) blade. “I will carry you with me and remember what you stood for.” He now had two lightsabers.

Exiting the council chambers he was once again greeted by T3. Bweep? (M/N) chuckled at him. “Yeah I’m fine. I found what I was looking for.” He looked at the little droid. “So what are you going to do now? Are you going to stay here?” Bwoop. “Well...Would you like to come with me? I could use a friend like you by my side.” The droid let out some happy beeps. “Good to know. It’s going to need some explaining to others but I’ll handle it. So, how do we get out of here?” The droid beeped and began rolling off.

(M/N) followed T3 to the bottom floor of the temple and through the main hall. After the vision he could feel the loss of what the temple looked like before. “Huh, What’s that?” T3 stopped and looked at him. (M/N) looked to another part of the wall where a mural was at. The mural had 3 figures, 2 men and 1 woman. “They seem...strangely familiar.” bweep. “Nothing, let’s go.” T3 and him continued through the main hall until they reached a large door. The little droid used a panel to open the door. The door opened and (M/N) found himself looking at the confused faces of the avengers. “Uh...hey guys.”

[heartfulselkie]

New Fic WIP

Sooooo I’m writing yet another Miraculous Ladybug fanfic because I have a problem. Don’t know when I’ll get the first chapter uploaded but it will be on my AO3 for sure when it’s ready. I’m considering posting chapters to my blog too, since I’m not planning for it to be as explicit as Penumbra.

So! Here’s a WIP snippet below of the new fic if anyone’s interested.

Citrus and Lavender

“Target acquired.” Alya sniggered, “The Sunflower is in sight. Deploying the Fair Maiden!” “Wait - fair what?!” Marinette squeaked, “Wha - hold on - Alya!”

She tried to dig her heels into the ground, but Alya still managed to push her forwards until Marinette was left standing in plain view of the school’s entrance. When she looked over her shoulder to argue, Alya had already retreated back behind the stone wall that lined the edge of the steps. She was about to cry abandonment when someone else called out to her.

“Marinette!”

She whipped her head around, her body freezing solid again as she saw Adrien bounding down the steps towards her. Was it possible for someone’s heart to beat at the speed of sound? Cause it certainly felt hers was damn sure trying! What had been a gentle blush had now ignited into an outrageous scarlet across her face as Adrien approached her with a sunny grin.

“Hey!” he greeted casually, his breath visible in the cold air as he spoke, “I thought it was you. What are you doing here? I thought you’d have gone home after class finished.”

Marinette stared at him like a brain dead goldfish, suddenly finding herself lost in the gentle shine of his eyes as he looked at her. Marinette.exe has stopped responding. System shutdown.

Adrien’s grin fell to a shy smile when she hadn’t answered him, “Marinette?”

The sound she made could have only been described as when one lets out a tiny amount of air from a balloon. A quiet, drawn out squeak that was painfully awkward.

“Sorry. Did I catch you at a bad time?” Adrien ducked his head slightly as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

Say something! She urged herself, He’ll leave if you don’t say something!

“Alya!” Marinette announced louder than she intended, making him jump, “I wa-was studying Alya! I mean - with Alya of course. We libraried in the study!”

Adrien stared at her for a moment before letting out a soft laugh, “I see. Did Alya leave already?”

“No...I mean yes! She’s gone. Long gone. Just me. Here. Hello.”

Again Adrien smiled at her. It was gentle yet somehow enigmatic, like he was thinking about something but was purposefully holding it back. Her heart was doing a whole circus performance in her chest as she basked in his kind expression, finding herself once again wordless and breathless. She looked down at the box of macaroons waiting in her hands.

I had some of these for while we studied but there’s some left over. Would you like some? Oh, passionfruit is your favourite? I had no idea!

It was as easy as that, right? She just had to offer him the box, maybe offer to make him more if he likes them. Maybe mention going to the movies sometime. Easy. ...Right? She just had to unglue her tongue from the roof of her mouth first.

“Well, I’d better go meet up with my bodyguard.” Adrien sighed another warm cloud into the cold air, “He’ll be waiting to pick me up. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Morrow...to...uh…” Marinette stuttered.

Adrien smiled at her once more as he turned to leave, giving her a small wave of his hand. He was leaving. He was going to leave and she hadn’t been able to make a single coherent sentence. Marinette bit her lip as she looked down at the box in her hands.

Food is a great conversation starter, is what Alya had told her.

“A-Adrien wait!” Marinette yelled, once again louder than she had intended.

Adrien stopped and looked at her with wide eyes. He turned back to face her again, tilting his head in confusion.

“Is everything okay?” he asked gently.

Why did he have to be so nice? His polite concern and kind voice were not helping her calm down at all.

Marinette gulped as she instead focused on the box in her hands, “I-I was...with Alya. Studying. And had some...um…”

He waited patiently for her to get her words out, staying quiet for her while she tried to untwist her tongue.

“Do you..want...um…do you study?”

Yes! She asked him! Wait, hold on. What did she just ask?

“Do I study?” Adrien repeated carefully, pausing a second as his phone chimed somewhere in his pocket before continuing, “Well, yeah. Whenever I have time to that is.”

Marinette was internally screaming. If she ever needed a black hole to open up and swallow her immediately it was right now this second. The very simple plan to strike up a conversation with Adrien by herself was going down in flames. A complete tragedy. There would only be a singular fatality and it was her dignity.

Adrien’s phone gave another insistent chime. He lowered his gaze a moment, making a face as though he was considering just ignoring it.

“Um...your phone…” Marinette whispered when it went off again.

Adrien frowned as he muttered an apology.

Marinette waited quietly while he lifted up his phone. He didn’t even bother to unlock it, only pressing to light up the screen to check what the notification was. Adrien’s brow furrowed as he let out another clouded sigh. Her heart skipped in her chest when he lifted his gaze towards her, his vibrant green eyes looking at her softly as he drew his lips into a thoughtful line.

“Marinette-” he started but was quickly cut off by the sound of a phone going off again.

Marinette’s heart had been soaring in the clouds until that point. But at the series of beeps her own phone started emitting, her heart fell straight back down to earth and went splat at her feet. She recognised the specific noise her phone was making and as she checked it, the flashing purple banner over the screen only confirmed it. It was a public Akuma alert. Of course things had to get worse.

[bee-boyz]

you guys can have little a dbh whump. as a treat.

Tainted

Connor could have sworn he was alright five minutes ago. They’d been at a crime scene, analyzing evidence like he always did. One sample and...the thirium on his shirt and dripping from his chin spoke for itself. He let out a groan of pain, eyes firmly shut to keep the lights of a patrol car out.

Patrol car?

Connor opened his eyes just a bit to see he was sitting outside, Gavin next to him with a begrudging look on his face. “Haaaaank?” Connor slurred mechanically, trying and failing to do a diagnostic. The files came back corrupted time and time again. The only things he could register were how goddamn bright it was and how much he ached. Ached? In short, Connor felt like shit, which was unusual.

“‘S Haaaank?” He tried again, looking up at Gavin as a fresh wave of discomfort washed over him. “‘S dad?” Connor mumbled to himself absentmindedly, head lolling to the side. “Daaaad!” Connor’s head snapped up, voice louder but less clear than before. The action sent frantic notifications dancing across his vision, and Gavin reached quickly to guide Connor’s head over his lap as yet another round of thirium came up. The sound was eerily human in a way that made Gavin flinch in sympathy. “C’mon now tin can...” He tried in a quiet voice, pulling Connor around for a moment until the android was successfully leaning against him. His fans whirred, LED cycling a lazy red over and over again.

“Someone call Hank!” Gavin yelled to the techs milling about, pointing to Connor. “NOW, YOU ASSHOLES!” He growled, wrapping an arm around Connor in what he validated as not wanting Hank to kill him. Really, Connor had been naught but kind, and he was vulnerable. Shivering and whimpering and perhaps even overheating a bit. Connor looked like a child curled into his side, and it tugged hard at Gavin’s heart.

Within minutes they greying lieutenant was sprinting over to them, dropping in front of Connor in a panic. “Hey, Con, Connie, look at me!” Hank held Connor’s face in his hands, listening to the quiet murmur he let out at the warm contact and cursing under his breath. He ripped his jacket off, ignoring the frigid January air and wrapping it around Connor. “Can he stand?” Hank leveled his gaze to Gavin, who shook his head. With a sigh and a grumble, Hank gently got his hands under Connor’s knees and around his shoulders and scooped him up like a child. Like Cole.

Connor twitched in his arms, letting out a pitifully overheating computer-ish whine. “‘S daaad?” He asked hopefully, eyes opening ever so slightly. His LED flashed an overjoyed blue for a moment before spinning back to red, and the android let out a giggle. “Daaaad!” He cheered, hot face against Hank’s neck.

“Dad, yeah.” Hank mumbled, holding Connor close to him. He was too focused on the way the android was limp in his arms, the way his artificial skin burned with heat even though both jackets. Connor’s head lolled back and Hank snapped his gaze down, seeing his chocolate brown eyes flutter shut. Shit. He’d passed out.

Captain Fowler was at the scene, and Hank called to him urgently. “Fowler! Open the goddamn car, Connor’s out.” The captain took one look at the limp android and the thirium covering his shirt and scrambled to whisk the car door open, allowing Hank to set Connor gently into the backseat. The android curled in on himself, arms wrapped around his stomach like a sick child. It made the greying detective’s heart clench in his chest with what could be called affection.

Hank leaned into the car, wiping the last traces of thirium from Connor’s lip and brushing his hair back from his face gently. “Hold on son, we’re going home and you can sleep or enter rest mode or whatever stuck up shit you call it. Just stay right there, okay?” No response; but he knew Connor had heard him by the way his LED cycled to yellow and back to red. “Get some extra blue blood shit.” Hank muttered, tucking his jacket around the android and shutting the door.

Once they’d pulled into the drive of the house, Connor seemed a bit more lucid, arms still wrapped tightly around himself. “Hank,” He said in a quiet, pitiful whimper, not daring to move. “Hurts.” Hank’s head immediately snapped back to look at him, and if Connor was human his face would be flushed green. As it were he was colored a pale blue all over, and his head lay flat against the seat as he panted in what was probably pain. “Shit, kid, you okay?”

Connor pushed himself up suddenly, clapping a hand over his mouth. Drips of deep blue thirium leaked from between his fingers as he fumbled dizzily with the door handle, finally shoving it open and falling to his knees on the driveway as a frankly nauseatingly human wave of sick flew from his mouth. Hot, sick, embarassed tears- saline, usually for cleaning his eyes- ran down Connor’s cheeks as he rocked back onto his heels, keeping his hands firmly on the floor as his head- technically his gyroscope- spun wildly. His breathing shallowed, artificial stomach still cramping.

Hank came to kneel next to him, ignoring the thirium on the ground but dutifully avoiding it as he rested one hand on the back of Connor’s neck and the other on his side. “Deep breaths, Con. It’s okay, thirium evaporates. I know you’re sick, it’s okay, we can go get you cleaned up and cooled down.” The detective soothed quietly, rubbing gentle circles on Connor’s too-warm skin and wiping the thirium that dripped down his chin. “You wanna get up now?”

Connor nodded slowly as not to mess with his head, sniffling and sitting back to lean on Hank. His brown eyes were slightly glazed, face splotchy and blue from where he’d been crying. “Hank...” He whispered, voice modulator crackly from all the thirium that had run through it. “‘M tired. Feel like shit.”

Hank laughed, wrapping his arm around Connor and gently slipping the other under his knees. The whole plastimetal frame thing meant he wasn’t too heavy, luckily. “Yeah kid. You look it, too.” The detective slithered one hand from under Connor to unlock the door, pushing past the boisterous St. Bernard and taking Connor not to the couch, but to his bedroom. This confused the already feverish- no, overheating, the detective could almost hear Connor saying it- android, as he never slept in Hank’s bedroom.

“Quiet, kid. You’re sick, you’re sleeping with me. Lets me monitor you easier.” Hank shut him up before Connor got a word in edgewise, settling the android on the bed and starting to take off his shoes. Despite his earlier protest, Connor was quiet now, almost worryingly so. He was just exhausted, Hank reasoned, pulling the younger detective’s jacket and tie off. Connor looked startlingly human like this, tired and sick and needy. Like Cole, a bit.

“Con? Hey, Con, look at me buddy.” Hank looked up to see his eyes closed and his LED cycling a lazy red, cheeks a feverish blue. Letting out a sigh, Hank put a hand behind Connor and eased him onto his side, tugging the blankets from under him to cocoon him in warmth. Connor seemed securely asleep, so Hank rationed it was safe to lean down and press a kiss to his forehead. “Get some rest, son. I’ll be in the living room.” He whispered before turning off the lights and walking out, leaving the door cracked. True to his word Hank settled in his recliner and flipped through stations for a bit before settling on a movie. “Fast and Furious, huh?”

Roughly six hours later, according to his internal processors, Connor awoke from rest mode. He felt at least a bit better, though his diagnostics were still offline and his gyroscope was still a bit off. He pushed the blankets off and sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes as he took in his surroundings. “Hank’s room..” Connor mumbled confusedly, pushing himself up to his feet. The floor was unexpectedly cold, making him almost hiss at the sensation. His sensitivity felt like it was dialed to eleven.

Slowly, carefully, Connor made his way to the living room, seeing Hank in his recliner. “H-Hank?” He called quietly, hand resting on the wall to steady him. Maybe Hank was asleep. Connor thought to himself, turning to go back to bed until he heard rustling. “Kid? That you?” Connor whipped his head back around, face flushed a dark, embarassed blue. “Hank!”

“You’re up early.” The detective quipped, standing and stretching before stepping over Sumo and walking over to Connor. “How you feeling, kid?” Connor thought on the question for a moment. “Not...On the verge of shutdown.” Hank let out a short laugh, resting his hand on Connor’s forehead. “Temp’s down. Think you might just be alright, son. There’s cold and warm thirium in the kitchen, if you’re up to it.”

“I think...I would just like to lay down.” Connor’s hands had started to shake a bit [MECHANICAL MALFUNCTION: BIOCOMPONENT B26A IS EXPERIENCING INSTA-] He dismissed the notification. “Out here.” The android made a brief nod toward the sofa, and Hank seemed to get the idea, wrapping a gentle arm around Connor’s waist to keep him steady and guiding him to the sofa. The detective fussed about him, grabbing a blanket Connor hadn’t even noticed- were his analysis functions also offline?- and tucking it in around him until he looked almost as comfortable as he felt. “T-Thank you, Lieutenant.”

Hank groaned, slapping a hand over his face irritability. Sarcasm. Connor’s system detected. “C’mon now, kid, it’s Hank or even...I don’t know, fuckin’ dad or something. Not Lieutenant, I get enough of that shit at work.” Connor could’ve spluttered, a distinctly human thing. He sat up at just about mach speed, processors going haywire.

[GYROSCOPE MALFUNCTION: PLEASE RECLINE INTO A HORIZONTAL POSITION.]

[THIRIUM PRESSURE RISING. 2%..4%..6%..]

Hank could practically see the dizziness in Connor’s face, spreading a hand over his chest and pushing him down onto the sofa firmly. “Con! Look at me, jackass! You look like you’re gonna fucking hurl, a g a i n, calm down.” He could feel the android’s chest heaving under his hand, “cooling his internal biocomponents”. At the moment, it seemed more like a calming move, and after a minute or two the panic seeped away from Connor’s eyes and the kid just looked beat.

“Alright, son...” Hank paused, sliding his hand down Connor’s chest and under his legs, sitting down and resting the android’s calves in his lap. “Get some rest.” Connor tried his damned best to keep his eyes open, but what with Hank gently tucking his blanket tighter around him and the weariness that filled his frame, who could blame him for sleeping?

[autisticsidesau]

I just wanted to say that as an autistic person, I've really enjoyed reading through this blog, and getting to see one of my special interests (sanders sides) shown as autistic characters made me really happy, I stimmed a whole bunch while I was reading!!!! also, if its okay, can we see more of Logan and Virgil's friendship???

Aww ty!! ts sides is also a big special interest of mine, and autism is awesome so hell yeah. Super glad you’re enjoying it. And hell yeah!! Stim!! ~Remiel

I’m glad you like this blog and it made you happy stim!!! TS sides is my main Special Interest (some side ones are Try Guys, fashion history, and neuroscience) and I personally love seeing autism rep in the fandom too!! It’s cool to see characters like me!! -Max

TW: meltdown, losing a comfort item temporarily, routine change

So The Whole Gang decides to go to an outdoor mall one day as a group

They prefer the outdoor mall because it has more space and the open area means sounds and smells aren’t as trapped so it’s generally less overwhelming

Throughout the day they end up in smaller groups

And eventually Virgil and Logan are left as a pair wandering through different sections of the mall and generally being stupid teenagers just enjoying life

(Virgil wanted to stay in Hot Topic and Logan wasn’t opposed and that’s how they got separated from everybody else)

Eventually they get the text from Roman that everyone’s gonna regroup at the front of the mall

As they walk to the front of the mall, Virgil realizes, somethings is very very wrong

But they don't know what 

So Logan goes grabs his tablet and pulls up virgil’s checklist and they run through it

(Virgil’s checklist is essentially: when was the last time you: ate, drank, used the bathroom? Are you overwhelmed? Is it too loud, bright, smelly, etc? Do you have everything you need? 

And it’s when they get to this last point that it clicks

Virgil doesn’t have their hoodie

Which immediately causes them to Panic Big Time

Logan helps to calm Virgil down saying they didn’t go many places it’s probably in one of the few stores they went to

Logan leads Virgil through some breathing exercises and has Virgil wear their headphones b/c they get overwhelmed easier when they’re anxious 

So they go through all the stores and Logan uses his tablet to ask the store workers if they’ve seen Virgil’s jacket and shows them a photo

After searching all the stores they went to, Virgil and Logan decide to meet up with the rest of the group who is now Concerned b/c Virgil and Logan are late and have not responded to any texts or calls

Eventually they walk up to the rest of the group and Dee turns to see his brother shaking and crying and bordering on a meltdown with headphones and no jacket???

And Dee immediately rushes to comfort his brother and then tells the rest of the group to go without them and that their moms are gonna come pick them up 

Logan gives Dee Virgil’s backpack as Dee calls their moms

So everyone leaves and Dee and Virgil get picked up

Virgil’s pretty unresponsive for the evening and goes to bed really early that night

It’s the next morning when everything really comes crashing down

Virgil gets up and starts their morning routine

Shower. Dressed. Grab breakfast. Brush teeth. Grab backpack. Grab jacket. Go to school.

Wait where’s their jacket?

And now Virgil remembers and this isn’t okay because this is their comfort object it makes them feel safe and it’s part of their routine and now it’s lost

It’s lost

And Virgil‘s trying to hold it together. They’re trying

But this is their comfort object and they might never ever see it again

It’s no wonder they have a meltdown

And Oh Boy it is a really bad meltdown

And because it’s a really bad meltdown it’s a very draining meltdown 

And Virgil is in no shape to go to school

Dee wanted to stay and help for as long as possible but eventually he and Janet had to leave while Lindsey stayed with Virgil for a bit 

Being a lawyer she has a lot more schedule flexibility and is able to stay home with her kid 

They spend the day in the sensory room together, Lindsey works on paperwork while Virgil watches movies and is nonverbal the whole day

Eventually they feel well enough to text their friends that they’re ok they just had a really bad meltdown and couldn’t go to school

Logan responds offering to come over and help Virgil with their homework

Virgil shows the text to his mom and Lindsey allows it 

So Logan comes over and hangs out with Virgil and helps them with homework 

Logan comes into the sensory room to find Virgil in a weighted blanket burrito with their mom on her laptop next to them

Logan settles down next to Virgil and sees Virgil’s spider stuffie which he promptly puts on Virgil’s head because he knows it’s another of Virgil’s comfort items

This gets a happy face and happy hum from Virgil

Virgil starts rocking as Logan explains the math from today

Then Virgil’s phone starts ringing

And the noise of the phone is instantly overwhelming to Virgil

Their rocking turns more frantic but they dig around in the blanket burrito for their phone before practically throwing it at Logan

Logan looks down and recognizes their area code.

Logan: “Do you want me to answer it?”

Virgil nods so Logan turns down the volume slightly and answers it

The person from the other side of the call is someone who works at the mall

And asks if this is “Virgil” and that they have their jacket.

Logan gets the location and information and hangs up

Virgil is very overwhelmed so they’re not listening and processing at all.

Logan tells Virgil and their mom they got their jacket and Virgil is unresponsive

Virgil’s mom lets Virgil know that she’s going to go pick up their jacket and then leaves

Virgil’s still unresponsive so Logan just hangs with them why they wait for their mom

Eventually Dee and and Janet get home and they find that Lindsey’s gone and Logan’s here and Virgil is unresponsive

Logan quickly fills them in whilst Virgil is going to town on their bat chew in the background

Dee joins them in the sensory room and sits down and opens his homework 

He and Logan get distracted and have a discussion about science philosophy quietly

Dee checks on his brother every couple minutes tho 

This gets small slow nods from Virgil 

Who is stimming a lot

Eventually the garage opens and Virgil slams their hands over their ears because L O U D

Dee grabs Virgil’s headphones as quick as possible and puts them on his brothers ears

Soon after, Lindsey slowly and quietly enters the room and hands Virgil their jacket 

Virgil is stimming even harder now and starts crying and making many noises that are good and bad

Eventually they figure out virgil’s having a shutdown

Lindsey quickly grabs Virgil’s PECS board and emotions binder and leaves the room to give her child some space

Because there were a lot of people in that room near Virgil and that was Not Helping

Eventually Virgil comes back around and signs “thank you” over and over again 

They happy stim a lot and shake their head 

And Logan and dee are smiling as virgil tries to put on the jacket whilst happy stimming 

Logan stays for the rest of the afternoon and for dinner 

Around 7 Emile arrives to pick Logan up and Virgil feels well enough to walk logan to the door and when they step outside Virgil quietly says “Thank you”

Logan: “No problem Virgil, i’m glad we were able to find your jacket.”

Virgil hums and flaps their hands as Logan says this 

Virgil: “I’m glad it wasn’t lost. But I meant thanks for staying with me and helping me communicate. To the store clerks and on the phone, i know how frustrating it can be for you.”

Logan: “You’re very welcome. I understand how important comfort items and routine can be. I- I don’t want you to be upset.”

Which is admitting a lot of Logan, because while Logan is a very caring friend, it’s not often he’ll straight admit to caring for others

Virgil: “You’re a really good friend Logan”

Logan takes the compliment, but doesn’t seem to happy about it

Virgil signs “ILY” 

Logan pauses for a moment before signing “Same”

Which is a big deal for Logan

They both flap their hands a bit and Virgil watches logan get into Emile’s car and drive off and waves as logan drives away and doesn’t stop waving until they can’t see the car anymore

[godsofmonster]

Bangtan MC ≽ VI.

Reader x Bangtan- Motorcycle Club

Word Count- 7.1k

Warnings- sexual content, death, murder, guns, drugs, violence, betrayal,  mentions of suicide, mentions of rape, etc.

For as long as I can remember back, I always wanted to be in a motorcycle club. Since I was six years old, the only thing on my mind was getting my hands on a Harley and a cut. I was a wolf, a wild cur, cut from the pack with bloodstained on my fur. Every wrong has marked a debt because a beaten dog never forgets.

The sun was gone, but its light reached for the last bit of sky it could find. The road was practically deserted, I passed a total of four cars on my ride to 18th street. 

My father's motorcycle felt foreign under my touch, and as much as I wanted to make it mine, I couldn't find its compassion. At any minute, I felt it would flip on me, shutdown, or crash. I was riding with no helmet and prayed no police would pull me over. As much as I wanted to race down the road, I took the ride with ease. I could not act relentless, the world was not in my favor as of late. 

Coming up on Charming street, I spotted an old Chevy Impala that was tinted dark. It wasn't black, but it appeared that way in the moonlight. The extravagant ride stood out like a sore thumb in a small town like this.

Once he spotted me, as well, he proceeded to turn on his engine. I parked on the opposite side of the road, and his headlights flashed on as mine went out. My eyes scouted the environment, peering over both shoulders, as I unmounted the bike. Even while knowing that this road would be vacant at night, my paranoia was louder than any voice of reason. 

My feet paced quickly for the passenger seat. I pulled on the handle and almost had a slight heart attack to find that it was locked, I pulled it again, yanking it out of temporary distress. Upon closer observation, I noted his car was a deep moss color before finally hearing the click of the lock open. 

"What the hell is this?" I questioned, while plopping into the seat, and swiftly shutting the door. 

"What?" Romero asked, clueless.

"This," I gestured to the vehicle that encased us. He glanced about as if he could not see what I was suggesting. "This car- it's obnoxious!"

The seats were a custom leather, a soft cream color. Personal articles decorated the car’s interior space, novelty items, and religious emblems. "What? Are you infiltrating the cartel?"

Agent Romero stared at me with puzzled eyes, shortly before a chortle erupted from his lungs. He raised his hand at me as if to ask for a minute, while he allowed his giggles to run their course. However, I was not laughing.

"That’s racist,” He pointed out in the midst of his laughter. He leaned forth, stretching his hand to tenderly stroke the skin of his dashboard. "Don't hate the car,"

One would think that I would be more understanding given my choice of lifestyle. Except, for the fact, that my brain was screaming with anxiety and frustration.  

"You couldn't pick something more... appropriate?" I said trying to push my emotions away. Romero shifted the gear into drive, and pulled out of the parking space.

"What? Like a police car?" He joked.

I don’t know if it was just by comparison, but Romero seemed to be in a rather good mood tonight. I, on the other hand, was a panicking mess in the seat beside him. There was little to no tolerance for joy on my side. Any trace of it registered into further panic and uncertainty. It was apparent in the way my leg bounced in place, and it was noticeable enough for it to catch his attention. 

"Try to remain calm," He said in a tone of encouragement. 

I was in no place to accept guidance. The last thing I wanted to hear was the cliche crap that everyone knew how to spill. We were here to do a job, one that risked my life in every possible way. I didn’t want his encouragement, I wanted his understanding. If he was going to use me to his advantage, he needs to know that I had the most to lose. My life was on the line, in more ways than one. 

"Can you at least tell me where we are going?”

As much as I wanted to sit in silence, I had to fill him in on everything that had happened since our meeting this morning. 

"Down Riverside road," I tried to reduce the coldness in my voice. 

I rolled my head against the headrest, squeezing my eyes shut, and attempting to dismiss all of the tension and panic from my consciousness. It was seemingly coming from nowhere and yet, everything stressed me more. 

My entire life, I only ever heard stories of things the club did. They always came from third, outside parties that were biased against them. I told myself a number of things to find reason in the terrible stories I heard. 

Bangtan wasn't full of doctors or lawyers, they were blue-collar guys. The way we saw it, they were out there risking everything to protect our way of life. Everyone knew they cut some corners, sold a few things on the side, and asked for their money in violent ways. It was all to get a few extra bucks and perks. When you lived in a community like that, everything seemed normal, even crime. There were never any outsiders with a different perspective, never.  It used to make me proud to have the kind of father I did. 

Though, now I was the outsider with a new perspective.

I was terrified of what I might see, the corrupt and brutal choices that they could make. I was afraid that Bangtan really had turned into the gang Romero mentioned. Comparing a group of individuals I always admired to some of the foulest scum I’ve learned about would be earth-shattering.

"Do you mind filling me in?" He asked after I failed to, myself. 

My eyes reopened, and found him focused on the road ahead. He held the steering wheel with a single arm at the twelve o'clock position. He was mostly a combination of darkness and a dim outline. The fake lights from inside the car did little to illuminate him.

"After our meeting, I ran into two of the club members," I began to explain, reliving the event like a movie in my mind. "We witnessed a deal go down, and they handled the situation as you would expect."

He wasn't looking in my direction but I could tell he was paying close attention to my words. Not only for information on the club but information on me. 

"What were you doing?" Romero was concerned about my behavior in the field. He had a right to be, but it still bothered me. 

"Babysitting some bimbo who was with us," I muttered annoyed at just the thought. I could have left it there but I knew I couldn't lie to him. "Until, I saw a PB member approaching them..."

He recognized the tone in my voice, and took his eyes off the road for a second to ask,

"What did you do?" He sounded like an angry parent, on the verge of lecturing.

"What was I supposed to do?” I attempted to remain calm. I thought he might see things from my point of view. “I had to interfere, or they could have been hurt." 

"You shot him?" He asked in disbelief and quick anger.

"Not dead!" I clarified, defensively. "I!- I just injured him."

I could see his demeanor change, that good mood I suspected earlier was gone. His fist tightened around the steering wheel, veins popping and outlined by the faint lighting.

"Are you insane?" His voice was rough, bossy, and cold. "You're an unauthorized federal agent and you fired rounds, on the street, in the middle of the day?"

I found myself, once again, being lectured about the same event. I was criticized for saving lives and doing my job. Neither of them were in a place to talk down on me.

"I did what I had to do!" I yelled. "If it wasn't for that- we would have no idea that the PB was cooking meth in Blackburn. We wouldn't have the exact address and time Bangtan was planning their retaliation."

I reminded him of the facts, what actually mattered at this moment. "If you wanted a traditional agent, then you should have gotten one!"

Romero didn't say anything in response. He didn't know what to expect from me. I was raised with a set of beliefs that were different than his own, but that was exactly why he needed me. 

I was here because of my connection and inside knowledge of the club. I knew how they thought and operated, I could speak their tongue. What I did today, established trust between me and them. One that I certainly needed,  after learning about Yoongi's suspicions. If he could doubt me, so could have the rest of them. Bangtan didn’t believe in coincidences and they left no loose ends. I could no longer raise any more suspicions.

"Take the next left," I sighed, after taking a moment to notice our surroundings. 

"Riverside road is still up ahead," He stated as if I didn't know.

"I know that," I said bitterly, wondering why he continued to question me. "This is another way there. If we go down that way, there is a chance we might run into the club."

That was the last thing we needed. The house was in a rural part of town, at the very edge of Blackburn by a lake. Not many people lived by that area, and with a car like this, we would be suspicious for sure.

-

The roads on this side of town were made of only dirt, they were bumpy and uneven. The night fell heavier, with the tension of the forest, it crept on a single side of the path. The lights beams were soft, we couldn't see more than three feet in front of us. Romero worried about the condition of his wheels and took the drive gently. 

"That's got to be it," I muttered, staring out the window. 

Romero drove the car slowly past a driveway that led to the house. It was small, red brick, and cabin-like. It was invisibly ordinary. 

To common folks, there was nothing about this residence that raised eyebrows. To the trained eye, however, a small detail stood out instantly. "Look at that- industrial filters,"

They were large black tanks that were attacked to the side of the home. By the looks of them, they were cooking deadly amounts of meth. 

"Any sign of life?" He asked as he was keeping his eye on the road in front of us. 

"The lights are on, but the blinds are shut," I informed him. There was only a blue pick-up truck beside the house. No other vehicles in sight. "The club will be in a black Nissan NV200." 

It wasn't long before some trees cut my line of sight from the property. I leaned back in my seat and looked at the surrounding area. "Turn into the field right here,"

The car bounced as we went off the trail. The left side of the house was blocked by a few oak trees and bushes. It wasn't dense enough to cover the house, but just enough to set the property boundaries. In the dark, it was the perfect place to hide behind. We were at least twenty yards from away. 

"Now, we wait," Romero muttered to himself with a sigh. 

He shut off the engine, the interior lights went dark, and we were hidden in the night. 

"Do you have the papers?" I said, turning to look at him. The only light source came from the nearly full moon in the sky. It was pale on his tan skin. 

"In the glove compartment," He instructed, keeping his eyes on the house.

I leaned over and popped open the chamber, where a stack of papers and a few CDs, was all I could feel with my hand. The contract was stapled together, but it was difficult to make out the small print in the dark.

"They agree with all your terms. None of the information you give us on the mc can be used against them in a court of law. However, any drug-related crime that may occur with the Camilo Cartel is still our jurisdiction."  

I planned to stop that before it could happen. If it got that far, then I have already failed them. 

"What are their conditions?" I asked, knowing very well that they would have a few. 

"That you don't withhold any information," His voice was skeptical of that happening. He turned my way but looked back forward before I could do the same. "You also can't take part in any illegal activity, or report yourself as a D.E.A agent." 

The D.E.A was very particular about their image, having someone like me on their team, had to be kept confidential. But I didn't care. I wasn't doing this for any kind of recognition on their part. 

"I'll also be administrating you a drug test every week for the remainder of the investigation," When considering my past, it was no wonder why Romero and the higher-ups were cautious. “If any of these rules are broken, the deal goes out the door.”

I was an agent who was never meant to see the light of day in this job. I was a gamble, and they desperately needed the odds to go in their favor. 

I was being observed on either side of this situation. My will had to be strong to voluntarily put myself in this position. Trusted by no one, and yet, needed by everyone- I was the help no one wanted to thank. 

I grabbed the pen that was sticking out of the cup holder between us. Turning to the very last page, where at the bottom, was a line waiting for my signature. 

When I scribbled my name onto that piece of paper, I felt as if I was sighing my own death certificate. 

"(Y/n)..."

His voice had shifted into a low pitch, steady and cautious. I turned to see what had triggered this behavior. I followed his gaze, out his window, to the dirt road we had just stirred out of. There was a black van stalking down the path, with its lights shut off in the middle of the darkness. 

"Oh shit," I whispered. Even from this far away, at night, I could make out Taehyung's familiar head through the passenger window. "What do we do?"

"Nothing." He was firm, eyes glued to the movement of the approaching vehicle. "Absolutely nothing,"

He looked back at me to ensure that what he spoke was understood thoroughly. "No matter what happens- we cannot interfere, (Y/n)."

That meant, even if someone got hurt. 

"Okay," I responded. 

Though, I worried that my emotions were still much out of my control. I wanted to do my job, but I was being asked to stand by and do nothing. 

"They're passing the house," Romero stated. 

It was getting more difficult to see through the thin patch of wilderness that protected us. The road, directly in front of the driveway was almost impossible to see. Especially, with such a dark vehicle and no headlights. 

"They aren't going to park in the driveway," I thought as I spoke. "The van would be right in the line of the crossfire." 

"But if they leave the driveway open, there is a chance for the PB to escape." He contradicted. 

They must have known that, so why would they do it anyway? Were they that confidante that they could take them out? 

Our eyes stared into the darkness of the driveway. The dirt leading up to the house was visible enough to see shapes and shadows the ground. We watched for any sudden movement on either part. I also tried to foresee the plan that Bangtan had in motion.

"Unless they want them to," I suggested.

"What are you talking about?" He wasn't very convinced. "This is supposed to be retaliation for the shooting at your house."

"But killing foot soldiers who run a small lab isn't much of a statement." I know the idea didn’t make any sense, and I didn't know what the right answer was but there was something we were missing. I was sure of it.

"A lab in Blackburn, (Y/n)." He sounded annoyed by my doubts. "That goes against their deal, of course, they are going to kill everyone in that building!"

Romero simply assumed that I was sugar-coating the events that were about to take place. That I didn't want to see Bangtan for the killers they were. But I knew that they were much more than that. 

Brains before bullets. 

That is what hung behind the table of their meeting room. They weren't some unorganized street gang. There was a reason they had made it so far in the arms dealing business. 

I wasn't known for holding my tongue during an argument, however, we both were quick to do so. 

There were four male figures quickly approaching the house. They were dressed from head to toe in black, shielding their face, and wearing ski masks. There was a large gap between where they stood and the red house. 

"Where are the other three?" Romero asked as we continued to watch. I wasn't sure, but I thought I could make out shadows in the bushes at the front of the driveway. 

Based solely on height and posture, I thought I could make out Jimin and Taehyung. The other two could have been Jungkook and Yoongi. Though, that didn't matter for long. The figure I deemed to be Taehyung, looked back to the bushes, where I had seen the shadows. He seemed to be making sure everything was set. 

Then he nodded to the others beside him.

All four figures brought a KG9 below their chests. Their aim was the building right in front of them, and the night seemed so calm before they pulled the trigger.

Fully automatic weapons ripped through the silence, the flashes coming from their muzzles were like the Fourth of July. 

Even this far, the sound surprised me. It illuminated the surrounding ground as if a lightning storm had formed on Earth's surface. The details of their black clothing were visible with every burst of light. I could make out each individual set of eyes glowing in the dark. 

The windows into the house were pierced and shattered by the ammunition. The boys began to step back, slowly, keeping their fingers tight around the trigger. It didn't take long to hear the response of those who were inside. 

The front door was kicked open, out came pouring about five or six PB members. All they had to buy them some time were a few FN-57s while they made a run for it. By that time, the four bodies were seeking cover behind a large stake severed tree trunks. The other three came out as their replacement, returning fire while the others reloaded. 

The PB made it into their truck, two in the front, and three in the exposed back. All of them continued shooting except for the one in the driver's seat; his shadow was frantically attempting to get the engine started. The wheels screeched dirt into the air, almost as loud are the gunshots.

The truck shot down the driveway, threatening to run over anything in its path. Though the blasts remained, I couldn't see any indication of injured bodies. 

"What the hell is this..." I heard Romero say as the scene unfolded right before our eyes. 

All of the seven boys gathered in front of the house. Three of them ran into the open residence, while the rest stayed on the lookout. 

"They aren't going after them," I stated. I felt relieved seeing that the dangerous part had passed. However, the question remained, what were they going to do now?

"This doesn't make any sense," Romero sounded irritated. 

My eyes remained on the outside figures, taking note of the tall man with long legs. The others seemed to be working around him. Namjoon was the only one who ever stood that way, with so much authority.

The other three members came out of the house shortly. It appeared to have exchanged some words as they walked down the porch. They didn't appear to be worried about any other unwanted company. They felt safe enough, that they removed their masks. 

Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook were the three that searched the house. They gathered around the rest of the guys in conversation. 

"What the hell are they doing?" Romero asked me directly. He looked at me as if I had all the answers. 

"I don't know, " I assured him.

In between the group, stood Hoseok, with a black box in the grip of his hand. We watched carefully as he handed the mysterious case to Jimin. Jungkook stood at his side and encouragingly patted his shoulder.

The group disbanded. Everyone began to make their way back down the driveway, their feet racing to the shelter behind the bushes. 

Everyone, except for Jimin. 

He, instead, returned into the house with the case in his hand. I thought about anything and everything in that house that could be valuable. Something that would be worth risking their lives to obtain. The only thing in there, that could be worth anything, was the methamphetamine they were manufacturing. 

"They're taking the drugs," Romero reached the same conclusion I had. But why would they? Bangtan did not need it.

"They're going to sell it themselves," He told me. The tone of his voice was almost positive as if he was happy for me to see them in a bad light.

"No," I replied, even though it wasn't a question. "That can't be it,"

When I looked at Romero, he was watching me with aggravation, my constant denial of all his claims were frustrating him. 

"(Y/n), look at them!" He raised his tone. "They didn't break into a drug lab to leave empty-handed!"

His words fell on deaf ears, there was nothing he could say to change my mind. I knew, in my gut, that it wasn't the case, but I couldn't escape the dreadful feeling beside it. 

"If you can't start to see them for what they are- we're going to have some serious-"

"Wait-" Just then, the idea clicked in my head. My heart began to race, like a drum line marching in my chest. The dread in my stomach was replaced with pure terror. His racing figure was running out the front door. I gasped, 

"Jimin!" 

It was as if daylight had emitted from the house. It was as blinding as the sun and powerful as a volcano. The explosion trembled the atmosphere, the ground rumbled and shook the vehicle. Romero's arm reached over me, instinctively, shielding me from any threatening shock-waves.

The house was set ablaze. It was an empty shell of stone, consumed by smoke and fire. There was so much smoke that it was difficult to see any details on the ground. It was a sight straight from the underworld. 

After the initial fright, a new one consumed me entirely. 

"Oh my god, Jimin..." 

I re-assembled in my seat and directly lunged for the door. My hand wrapped around the handle and it clicked open.

"(Y/n)!" 

Romero surged forward, grasping for the base of the window, and slamming the door shut. "You can't."

"B-but he-" I stuttered with panic.

"He made it out of the house, (Y/n)." He tried to soothe me, spoke to me calmly and reassuringly. 

"What the fuck is he thinking?!" My head spun with a muddle of fright and anger. "Why wouldn't he use a remote detonator?! Is he insane?!"

I yelled as if Romero would care about their well-being. He watched me panic and fear for the safety of Jimin. I continued to search for movement through the cloud of dust and smoke.

"Maybe... there was no time?" He suggested, trying to figure it out for profiling purposes. "This was just decided today."

I understood that they felt the need to act fast, but that didn't mean they had to act recklessly. Putting Jimin's life in danger like that was idiotic. The worst part was that it was probably his idea in the first place. I could imagine him declare that he had it perfectly under control. 

"Look," Romero called.

A strong wind had come toward the property, blowing the smoke toward the back of the home, and leaving the front clear for sight. I made out Taehyung's form running toward the house, where, getting up from the floor was Jimin. 

I sighed a deep relief in my chest that was almost overwhelming. Taehyung ran up to Jimin, placing his hands on his shoulders and checking on him. Once Jimin reassured him that he was alright, Taehyung assisted in getting away from the burning building as fast as possible. 

"Goddamn idiot..." I cursed him for scaring me. I never wanted to so badly hurt, and embrace, someone in the same breath. 

-

After that, the events that followed were rather simple. Bangtan gathered themselves and left the property as soon as Jimin was on his feet. Even in that rush of violence, it was nothing compared to what they could have done. All they left behind was a single drop of the rage that fueled them. That was the warning they were leaving for the PB.

Agent Romero and I didn't speak much on our return to 18th and Charming street. There was tension inside of the vehicle that made the silence appear like the best selection. 

I assumed we were both left with a confusing haze in the back of our heads. Nothing of what we expected had happened tonight. His knowledge of a field agent didn't assist him in this investigation. Neither did my connection with the members of the club. We were left to re-think everything we thought we knew. 

"How did you know?" He asked out of the blue. We were merely two blocks away from my drop-off point. 

My gaze turned away from the deserted stores that drifted away, as we passed them by. His exterior appeared unbothered as if he had continued our streak of silence. 

"Know what?" His question was unclear. 

He remained expressionless and without any new movement. I almost questioned if he said anything at all, but he was only hesitating. 

"How did you know Bangtan wouldn't kill them?" He asked more specifically. He asked as if I had some kind of psychic vision into the future. 

"I- I don't know," I replied, honestly. I could have explained it as some kind of outlaw intuition. "It just didn't feel like they would..."

I knew that wasn't helpful, nor something he wanted to hear. His distrust in me came from the connection I held with the club. Especially now, I've been home after so long. But it was the truth, they weren't as thoughtless as outsiders thought. 

It was easy for Romero to group Bangtan with every other organization he's dealt with before. That would be his downfall, though. Bangtan was different. 

"Why would they wear masks- if they planned on killing everyone?" 

Romero turned his head at my rhetorical question. That detail was the only thing I took notice of. However, I wasn't sure when I precisely figured it out. 

"So, why didn't they kill them?" He asked, actually looking for my opinion this time. "Why would they let everyone go and just blow up the place?"

That was the question we needed to figure out. I understood that it wasn't the typical response for a gang. Especially for Bangtan, who were capable of doing much more damage. 

"If they covered their identities, then it means they don't want the PB to know it was them," I stated the obvious. Romero nodded his head and agreed. 

"Who else could they blame it on?" He continued the train of thought. 

"The Camilo Cartel is the only significant group that is fighting against the PB," I mentioned, as they were the only ones that mattered. Was Bangtan trying to put the blame on them?

"Blowing up a lab and letting people escape in the process, isn't part of the cartel’s MO," Romero pointed out. "They are more 'cut off your limbs' type of organization."

The visual idea gave me chills. "Do you think the club would know that?"

"I don't know, maybe it could have slipped their mind," I thought to myself, recalling back to their brilliant idea of manually detonating the bomb from the inside, instead of having an outside detonator. 

When time had passed after my words, I figured he didn't need any more convincing of my observation. We continued our silent drive.

The street was exactly as we had left it hours ago. No cars in sight and the only light came from the street lamps that lined the sidewalk. His car came to a gentle stop and lazily pulled into the curb. 

"I apologize about before," He said before I made a move to the door. I watched him sigh in the seat. "I just thought that you-"

"I know," He didn't have to explain himself. It was easy to see that his trust in me was delicate. "You aren't the first person to question everything I do." 

I didn't mean for my exit to sound so dramatic, but there was nothing else he could say. I knew how to function under the opposition of those around me, it wouldn't stop me from doing what I had to do. 

I let the passenger door shut behind me. A cool breeze ran up my arms as I stepped onto the empty road. My father's Dyna sat, waiting for me, exactly where I had left it. 

The streetlight above illuminated the bike, like a sentence from God, its metallic structure reflected the luminosity. I mounted the machine, its seat feeling cold under my weight. 

"Hey," Romero had rolled down his window. His face was almost canceled by the shadow that his roof cast. I met his black eyes. 

"Next time, I'll listen to your judgment," He spoke with a bit of shame in his voice. "You did good work today... thank you." 

I rode off feeling satisfied that night.

-

The night had gone by quickly once I returned to the House of Cards. I arrived at the crowded bar but was vacant of any comforting life. There wasn't much left for me to do than to sleep for the night, in hopes, of being a different person in the morning.  

It didn't take long for daybreak to come by the sheer curtains of the two windows. The light illuminated my face, making my body stir within the sea of bed-sheets. I had forgotten the benefits of getting a good night's rest. 

I also underestimated the blessings of a warm hot shower. All the past tension and worries of the past few days were stripped away with the heat. After the events of yesterday, I was expecting today to be more on the ordinary side. I was praying for it. 

It was early in the morning, and the bar wouldn't be open until noon. Which meant I had until then to be alone and collect my settling thoughts. There were so many blurred lines I could not see the edges to, where I stood in certain situations. My job, the club, my worries, the doubts; they all seemed to merge into one. An unhealthy mixture of morals that contradict one another, they fought for the steering wheel that was my life.

When I stepped out of the room, feeling rejuvenated, I thought I would walk into a peaceful, empty space. However, I was met with a quite disturbing sight, instead. 

"Mornin, sweetheart." 

Jaeeun was seated at the edge of the bar. She wore a pair of reading glasses, resting low on the bridge of her nose, and a stack of papers in her hands. Even the terms of endearment that came from her mouth seemed to be demeaning. 

What had I done to deserve such misfortune?

"Morning," I replied shortly after the shock, walking toward the back of the bar, where the coffee machine had become enticing. 

There was a freshly brewed pot already made, the black liquid was threatening hot, and a third of the way full. I found a few empty mugs right beside the machine and poured a cup tentatively. 

"There's some food there," She spoke directly behind me. 

I looked over my shoulder and spotted the plastic bag not far beside her on the bar. The bag held no identifying writing, simply a 'thank you' printed in red. I was wary of accepting food from Jaeeun. I could not see her missing out on a chance to poison me. My suspicious eye was no secret. "Namjoon brought it,"

She rolled her eyes at me as if she would actually bother, but I was sure she would. The possibility of her lying crossed my mind. However, my stomach was rumbling for anything, even if it was poison. I would die happily for whatever smelled that good. 

I took a seat two stools from her, using a napkin as a coaster, and digging into the bag. It was a standard breakfast platter, barely at that point between warm and room temperature. My mouth watered at the sight.

While I stuffed food down my throat, Jaeeun remained silent and inspected her documents, and my mind began to wonder. 

"Namjoon's here?" I tried to remain casual as if Namjoon wasn't one of the topics raging through my mind. Jaeeun saw right through me, of course.

"He was," Her eyes remained glued on the paper. "He mentioned I would find you here,"

The bitter tone in her voice was a clear indication that she was not pleased with my new living arrangement. Hell, if it were up to her, I wouldn't be living at all. 

"I'm not staying here for free," I felt the need to explain myself. 

"Believe me, I don't want to know how you'll be repaying him." She said suggestively. 

Heat rose to my face immediately, as I had trouble swallowing my food at her words. I imagined, in her head, I was doing all I could do to be close to Namjoon. Though it was not completely wrong, it was not for the reason she thought.

"It's not like that," I muttered, embarrassed that the words embarrassed me in the first place. "I'm going to be helping him with the bar."

The scoff from her lips seemed unconvinced by my statement. She simply thought I was lusting to ruin her life. Explaining that it was not all about her would be a mission impossible. Her narcissistic behavior would not allow her to believe anything else, even if it was the truth.

"What are you even still doing here?" She spat, finally blessing me with her piercing eyes. "Do you really have nothing to go back to?"

One would think I would have grown accustomed to Jaeeun’s spiteful words. But there was always something about her that just struck a nerve. It was a never-ending argument with her, and I had even lost my appetite.

"You know, you seem to be spending a lot of energy worrying about my life." I wished I was as composed as her, but my anger was rising to the surface, and she loved to see it. 

"I don't care about your life," Jaeeun smirked and removed her glasses, making sure nothing would distort the resentment emanating from her eyes. "Just the people you dare to touch." 

She settled her feet on the floor underneath, her leather heel boots clicking on the tile surface. Her body followed in walking toward me, wanting me to squirm in my seat, with each step. She granted herself the open seat beside me, giving our conversation the attention I didn't want.

"Namjoon has enough going on," She warned me. "He just lost a father for the second time." 

She pulled out a single cigarette from behind her ear, holding it between her fingers and looked at me like I was nothing. "He already inherited his responsibilities- he doesn't need his burden too." 

Sometimes I underestimated just how terrible she could be. Her lips painted dark stained the foot of the cigarette. A lighter flickered a heat source for her to enjoy her taunting with an extra kick. 

I swallowed my temper and dared to remind her,

"I'm not the one looking for him." 

 She continued to hold her poker face as if she already knew. Her porcelain cheeks hollowed in with a smooth drag, nicotine was like oxygen for her lungs.

"His head is twisted, he doesn't know what he wants." She justified him, smoke escaping passed her lips, unworried. 

"And you do?" I asked her to see the absurdity that I did. "You can't dictate his life forever, Jaeeun."

I was gravely mistaken. Jaeeun believed, wholeheartedly, that she could. Namjoon might not have known but his mother's influence was always there. In her eyes that was not about to change. My very doubt meant challenging her. 

"I’m his mother, and until I am dead and cold, I'm going to do anything I have to do to protect him." Her voice went from taunting to threatening. The words practically hissed out of her mouth, then I remembered what Jimin told me.

"I must really scare you, huh?"

I found a smile sneaking onto my lips at the thought. Jaeeun was much less frightening when she let her emotions seep through, it reminded me that she was human as well. 

"You're a greedy whore," Her black eyes leaned in, her poisonous tongue whispered like an empty threat. "And bad shit happens to greedy whores."

Her aggressiveness only confirmed my suspicions. 

She flicked her young cigarette into my mug of coffee, tainting the drink with its ash, before rising from her spot. While watching her walk back to her stack of papers, I realized I was not left with the same drained feeling that our conversations had in the past.

In the stillness of our talk, I began to see us for what we truly were, just two little girls fighting for the attention of a man. Even with her age, it never stopped being that, and I was going down the same path. 

In a normal relationship, two people entrust each other to respect the love that they share. That meant listening, understanding, and being faithful. That, however, was not the deal when it came to an mc like Bangtan. Women were objects to share, possessions to show off, comfort to lean on when times got hard. If you were able to marry one of them, you got the title of old lady, which just meant you belonged to one specific member. But even as with an old lady, their picking of women did not stop, if anything, it increased. Groupies that hung around the club wanted nothing more than to get that title. The security that a relationship was supposed to give you was nonexistent.

Jaeeun had been the president's old lady, that came with a lot of respect and constant threats. It was a fight for your place, or someone might take it, which is why she was so defensive. I don't think she was ready to give that up just yet.

"How did you handle it?" I was curious about how someone could live like this for so many years. If I had never left, I probably wouldn't have noticed. "This life is intoxicating- it kills you from the inside out while giving you the best high of your life."

Jaeeun didn't respond aggressively to the question. In fact, it appeared to cause a deep stage of nostalgia, taking her back to the struggles that this life brought her. True wisdom conceived by the most painful teacher- experience.

"There are only two ways an old lady makes it in this life," She answered quietly. When her eyes locked with mine, I found a different kind of hate within them. "You tell her nothing or you tell her everything."

I imagined neither option was comfortable to live with. But I knew that if you loved the man, then you learned to love the life. Then there was no truth you couldn't handle. 

"You have no idea what it takes- what it will cost you to be his old lady."

Jaeeun looked at me with pity, with actual pity from a place of true understanding. 

"Old ladies can make or break a club, (Y/n)." She shook her head. When she spoke, it was no longer an attempt to scare me away. For the first time, I felt that she was being sincere, even if it isn't what I wanted to hear. "You'll ruin him."

"You don't know that," But neither did I. 

I had always been so disinterested in love. This way of life dissolved any chance for trust. The choices seemed to be, live as a fool or be doomed to die alone. Jaeeun had made her choice a long time ago.

"I know that you need someone to tell you the truth," She once again approached me. This time, as if she wanted to comfort me from her own words. "Namjoon and you, together, are a recipe for disaster." 

The silence that followed had never been so tormenting, the notion of not even knowing why was alarming. Why? Why when I wasn't even supposed to care? Namjoon represented everything I hated about this life; the secrets, the lies, the sexism, the violence. He was forbidden, just like my rightful place in the club. 

Why did I only want what I could not have?

Then, like the sick joke that was my life, the doors to the bar opened, and his presence came into the room. I didn’t have to even turn around to know, for certain, that it was him. I only ever felt this way when he was around.

"You should get out while you have the chance, sweetheart." Jaeeun whispered as she walked past me.

In a tunnel-like hearing, I could make out Namjoon and her greeting each other. She informed him that she was on her way out. The words they spoke faded in and out as I realized Jaeeun was giving me no time to contemplate. She would be leaving us alone, forcing me to make a decision right here, right now.

The doors closed, and I could feel it was just the two of us now.

Masterlist ≽

[beerecordings]

I was thinking about that Therapy AU (ish. thing. question mark?) that you brainstormed a few months back, and I find myself wondering—which of the boys realized “oh hey, I should probably see a therapist” first? And what was the impetus? (Jackie. I’m asking about Jackie. I want to know the story behind how Jackie found his Alderian/Adlerian duder and why he sprung for it. Also the thing about who came first, but Jackie. My boy. Im lov him)

lol yeah you’re right it’s not so much an au as something that i’d like to be canon in just about every universe i come up with lollll. but yeah hm…

I think Henrik goes to see a therapist first because he’s been through literal hell and there’s no way he can handle any of this without professional help. and everybody knows that, you know, like… it’s easier to justify some reasons to go than others. so even though everybody probably needs it they’re all here like “oh GEEZ someone else has had it SO MUCH WORSE than me so HE’S going to therapy” and they all end up ganging up on Henrik with their love and support like “yeah bud you need to see somebody please we’re worried about you!!” and it’s hard to argue when he’s both physically and mentally exhausted so he just ends up letting them take him. he doesn’t have his existentialist therapist at first, that’s too intensive for his mental energy at the time, but he just sees a nice calm therapist who really helps him deal with some of the outstanding issues and find ways to hold on when he’s really bad off. and the others are all so excited and supportive but for some reason when he recommends they try it too, they seem to think he’s joking?

then Chase gets court-ordered to therapy and he’s like “FUCK fine!!” and it makes him sob his heart out every week and he feels so dumb and weak and stupid for like two months before he starts to come around to it. and it’s Henrik who really convinces him that it’s okay, and then eventually it actually starts to help?? and he gets to see the kids again!!! ahh!!! it’s a good time! he and Henrik start scheduling their appointments at the same time so they can get lunch together first and then walk home together too.

JJ gets pressured by the family to join them after he starts getting into some really bad habits like getting into fights and tearing his fists open beating up his punching bag and staring at his razor for long enough that Henrik gets scared and practically drags him there himself (he would not go but he hates to see Henrik so nervous and upset). Marvin has a complete breakdown after years of being the family tough guy without crying once in front of the others and they all get freaked out and ask him to go see somebody for their sake if nothing else (he would not go but when his little brothers look at him like that) and then Jackie is there like “good job guys! I’ll just be over here! love you! :)”

cause the thing is Marvin had convinced himself that he has to be tough enough to deal with everything he goes through in silence, but Jackie is WORSE because he’s just convinced himself he doesn’t have anything to deal with. He’s the big brother, first of all, so he just doesn’t have time for that, and he’s a hero, so nothing’s going to get to him anyway, of course. and then he just hasn’t been through as much as the others, right? Henrik and JJ with Anti, and Chase with his family, and his poor Marv must have been dealing with so much so quietly for so long, and if Jackie had just been a better brother to him he wouldn’t have HAD to do that, he wouldn’t have had to hide anything from anyone, he’d come to Jackie instead of hiding his problems but he doesn’t because he doesn’t trust him enough and that’s because of Jackie’s failures and ALL OF THIS IS JACKIE’S FAULT -

yeah, no, no problems! he’s good! he’s cruising! He doesn’t have it that bad he’s fine! he only struggles sometimes cause he’s a baby, right? he should toughen up, after all he heard Henrik sobbing last night and he has it so much worse, he’s been through so much, Jackie needs to look like everything’s okay so Henrik feels safe and calm. and then everything will be better and everything will be fine. once his brothers are fine, he’ll be fine.

and then his brothers are fine.

he stops, pauses, looks around.

Chase is out with the kids, sober for a year straight. JJ’s just got a new job and he seems happy and well-adjusted. Henrik’s showing his scars without freaking out and has been dealing with his panic attacks well. Marvin admits he had a bad day but says he’s going to make tomorrow a better one! Jackie’s never heard him say anything like that in his life and he seems to mean it, what the hell is happening?

all his brothers are fine and he’s still not… what is happening…. if everyone’s okay why does he still feel so bad about himself?

The others want to go to family therapy now. Apparently JJ’s therapist keeps recommending it because so many of his issues come back to worrying about upsetting the others, and then Marvin’s therapist agrees, and they’re all pretty comfy with therapy by now, and they want to go, they want to try it. and of course he’s not going to turn them down!! yeah, they need him to be the calm big brother in the room, keeping everything together, making sure they’re all safe? of course! he’ll come and support them all!! he’s a little bit terrified at the very prospect but they need this so he’ll do it, he can do it! for their sake. if it’s for their sake it’s okay, it’s permissible, and it’s not weak because it’s not for him, it’s for them.

and then they get in there and it’s so much messier than he expected. first of all the therapist right away goes “so everyone is seeing a therapist personally but you, Jackie” and he goes hot red and feels all his brothers looking at him and makes up something about not needing that and he sees Henrik turn away from him when he says it. and then she keeps trying to draw him into it and he hates that, this wasn’t what he planned, he just wanted to sit here and tell everyone they were doing great!! and then, oh, hell, everything is coming out. everything is coming bleeding out of his brothers and it’s messy and it’s ugly and he’s not a bystander, he’s a part of it, they even say his name sometimes, they even seem to accuse him sometimes. it’s not what he expected, it’s not at all what he expected, it’s not Chase going “I’m sad sometimes when you’re sad Marvin” and Marvin going “oh no I’m sad when you’re sad let’s work on this :’((” it’s like Jameson saying “I can’t tell any of you ANYTHING because half the time you treat me like an infant and the other half of the time you get so upset that even though I want to confide in you I can’t because I know it’ll send you all spiraling, I feel like I’m not allowed to be fucking suicidal but I am and I can’t trust any of you to deal with me - ” and then before he knows it Jackie is fucking sobbing in the therapy room so hard they all have to be done for the day and JJ is sitting there staring at him like he’s just proven his point and the guilt comes crashing down and he feels like he’s dying and he REFUSES to go back next week.

they’re all upset and JJ won’t talk to him. he WON’T go back to that, that was so horrible and humiliating, he’s not doing that again, he’s NEVER trying therapy again.

his brothers go to family therapy without him. that’s fine. that’s good. they’re allowed to. he waits for things to go back to normal.

they don’t.

JJ never talks to him anymore, not about the things that matter. He says there’s no bad blood between them and most likely that’s true, but the fact is he just doesn’t trust him. can’t confide in him. Jackie starts to feel sick every time they’re together, wondering if his baby brother is suicidal right now and just hiding it from him, sitting there doing his embroidery with a movie playing on the couch, thinking about killing himself. Jackie’s starting to get upset more often. Jackie’s starting to crumble. everyone is fine, for the most part. he doesn’t want to upset that. doesn’t want to put the burden of himself on their shoulders. he’s being such a fucking baby. why is he crying himself to sleep again every night? why did he have to go hide in the bathroom for five minutes at the restaurant yesterday because someone said the word antifreeze? why does Chase teasing him about taking the last piece of cake make him want to die so badly? why isn’t he ever happy anymore? Marvin asks him if he wants to go to the arcade and he doesn’t, he isn’t up for it. energy’s gone. hasn’t had much for a long time but he could bury the exhaustion from their sight and that was all that matters. Jamie accidentally cuts his thumb one day in the kitchen and Jackie wants in and sees the blood dripping onto his wrist and he loses it, he loses it, he’s screaming, he’s shouting at JJ, and Jameson just stands there and takes it, Jameson stands there staring at him when everybody else is shouting at Jackie to cut it out, stop it, what the hell Jackie? Jamie is still standing there in silence when Jackie has a full meltdown on the kitchen floor, followed promptly by a miserable, silent, exhausted shutdown that lasts for two days afterwards.

he goes back to family therapy. it isn’t really working. he’s really tired and sad and every time someone tries to confront him about an issue in their family he might be involved in he immediately starts crying and apologizing again and again, taking all the blame on his shoulders, promising them they didn’t do anything wrong even if they did, not accepting comfort or apologies from any of them, everything’s his fault, he promises he’ll fix it, he’ll never go out on patrol again if that’s what they want. and it’s so uncomfortable for everyone and soon family therapy starts turning into “tip-toeing around Jackie while Jackie feels miserable and gets worse” and their therapist tells them this isn’t working anymore.

You need to go to a therapist, they start telling him.

I’ve been going with you all the time, he says.

No, they say, you need to go to a therapist.

Oh.

Well, he can’t do that.

Well, why not? Huh?

Because he just can’t.

Because that’s not who he is.

Why isn’t it who he is?

Jackie, why?

Jackie, say something, say anything.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Because he’s not allowed to be that. He’s not allowed to need help. He’s got to keep them safe - you don’t - I do!

fuck’s sake, Jackie. You can’t keep doing this anymore. You just can’t.

I know, he says. I know.

but he won’t go even when it’s all sitting out in the open and everyone’s staring at him like they’re waiting for him to shatter into glass because the family therapist was not what he needed and he’s scared of the questions and the feeling of being torn apart and the conflict and the sadness and he thinks all therapy’s like that and it’s not for him and he won’t go. and then one day sweet little brother number three comes and lays down with him and hugs him real tight and puts himself right there in Jackie’s arms so his big brother gets to hold him and push their heads together and hear his heartbeat and feel him rubbing at his shoulder. and Chase has probably waited for a soft calm night to tell him this but there’s this really cool thing his therapist recommended for Jackie’s sake where you don’t have to talk at all in therapy if you don’t want to. they just give you this great sand and you can run your hands all over it and then they get all these like toys and models and things out and they ask you questions like “tell me about a time when you were happy” and you just have to build, man, and work from there. and he knows he’s been so sad and tired lately and he wants him to try it because he loves him and didn’t Jackie used to try and convince him to go too?

and you wouldn’t see me as a failure if i went? and you wouldn’t think you had to take care of me? and it wouldn’t be weird for you? and you wouldn’t make fun of me for it? and nobody would ask me too many questions? and i could just build?

and Chase gives him a lot of no’s and one good solid yes, yeah, bud, you can just build, and Jackie goes two weeks later and sits down with the sand and the toys in front of him and just lets it all go and, in plastic houses and little figurines that remind him of his family and the cool soothing weight of the sand in his hands, he tells the truth at last, without ever speaking once.

plus his therapist is really funny and sweet and positive and warm with him. and she keeps going “just between you and me” and he grins and knows he can tell her anything and it doesn’t have to come back and hurt his brothers at all if he doesn’t want it to, he can even say Forbidden Horrible things like “it makes me angry when he does this” or “I wanted to kill that man that night and it scared me how strong I was” and “sometimes I think I’m just as much a mistake as Anti was” and slowly, slowly, they start to work on it. and he learns to apologize respectfully and fairly, without being accidentally manipulative, and he learns to take care of them in a way that he couldn’t before, and he learns that he’s important too, and needed and loved, even if he isn’t strong or positive or perfect every day of every year.

they start going back to family therapy once he’s ready. they keep getting more and more tools to help them put themselves and each other back together again. it’s a good fit after all.