#move right now babe
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I think I may just have to accept that my mum had absolutely buckwild manic pixie dream girl game back in the day
#my posts#I feel so unhinged right now#apparently there is a man who has been holding a flame for my mother for like 40something years#this man has added me (who he has NEVER MET) to his WILL#for more inheritance than his actual flesh and blood son will get#babe what is u doing#my mum will not fuck u just bc my dad died#baby girl this move just seems very desperate#who am I to discourage my mums rich ex from having a midlife guilt complex and leaving us money I guess#but what the FUCK do his kids and real family think about this#like my guy you literally had ur chance and blew it#u left and married another woman without breaking up with her !! she is never gonna take u back!!#absolute best kind of family drama bc I have 0 stakes and no involvement#look if my guy wants to soothe his guilty conscience by throwing his money at us that’s fine I guess ???#my mum thinks it’s a big man move to throw money at ur problems tho lol
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Eliza and William Moments » Series 4, Episode 5
“Good evening. My name is Miss Scarlet, I believe you are... an associate of my father’s.” “He said there’d be food.” “Yes, I cooked a smoked ham this afternoon. I’ll cut you a slice.” -- Dear William, I’m happy to hear things are going well for you in New York. It’s been an interesting week here. But, on balance a good one.
#tbh this flashback here is where I begin to doubt my theory but then 4x06 happens and I'm like nah babe you are right#I hate having to prove my own theories to myself#like the structure yeah I can see this as a final goodbye#but the dialogue of the goodbye FOR NOW scene and everyone saying in the next episode that he's only gone for a year... yeah#like you don't say 'for now' and talk about going over your options to be together#and then write all these letters#for it to be a planned final goodbye...#(plus the way Stuart was still an EP and still credited for the episodes still had flashbacks etc...#if 4x04 was his last planned episode I doubt he'd be billed as lead still but this is me basing things off of DA and other shows...)#again if I'm wrong shush let me think this so I can move on#miss scarlet and the duke#my edit: miss scarlet and the duke#my edit
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thank you to the clearly gay teenager whose mom told them to put back the shirt that they got when you two were already well into the home goods section of the thrift store i shopped at right after you, i will think of you every time i wear it.
#context: i was at a thrift store and i saw this gay ass shirt next to a pack of some fairly gender neutral underwear (i would know because#i picked the exact same kind as a kid and still wear it now lol) and a gay ass sweater with skeletons on it right in the home goods section#and i immediately knew what happened#but i actually really liked the shirt because it was just like the shirts i would wear when i was eleven and not insecure#and i tried it on and it fit perfectly so now it’s in my laundry#so. thank you gay teenager i hope you move out soon and buy as many gay shirts and gay underwear and gay sweaters as you want#side note right before i went to the thrift store i was at the gas station and good luck babe! was playing on the speakers and i was like#woah you can do that in florida? awesome. i love being gay.
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self indulgent got concept.
Ned brings Jon home, Cat hates the boy, everything stays the same... until Robert Baratheon is charging through the halls of Winterfell looking for the babe, ready to butcher the poor thing where he lay helpless in his cradle.
in a matter of moments Catelyn learns three things:
The babe was never a bastard, Ned had only lied to her to protect Jon, and that she would die before she let Robert lay a finger on the babe she'd previously wished death upon.
cue Catelyn Stark snatching Jon from his cradle, holding him, protecting him, loving him as she would her own son, risking it all to keep him safe, all care for herself thrown to the wind.
like they say, what a mother's love holds no bounds, and what it makes her capable of had no limits.
#listen listen listen#I just want Catelyn to love Jon Snow and I don't care what I ahve to do to make it happen#(plus the angst is delicious)#I was rewatching old kids movies and ended up watching ice age and idk why but the mom sacrificing herself for her babe gave me ideas#I just imagine young Cat holding onto the boy she hated and wished death on for being bastard (only to find out he wasn't one) as tightly-#as she could. knowing Robert and his men were coming. knowing they would slaughter the boy in front of her. knwoing she'd wished for this-#and deciding she'd give her own life to protect him if thats what it came to.#and in my mind she jumped from the window of the nursery knowing the halls will be filled with the kings men and leave little chance for-#escape. before fleeing on injured legs to hide the babe and herself knowing Robert would be right behind her. she's in agony. but she'll-#going for the babes sake. she won't stop until her heart is dead in her chest. even if it hurts to move and breath and think he keeps going#maybe she takes a horse and flees wintefell all together. maybe she hides somewhere in/around the castle. maybe Robert catches her?#if she runs with him she'd have nothing but the clothes on her back. she'd have to feed him and keep him warm. she'd have left her own son-#behind. the potential angst and hurt/comfort as Cat misses her own son and learns to love another. feeding him and keeping him warm from-#her own body while she's injured and lost and at the will of the elements of the strange new place she now considered calling home#idk I just think it'd be an interesting concept#there's something about a mother and her child being cornered by 'wolves' (in this case a stag). this has the added spice of Cat and Jon's-#dynamic. just earlier that day she could barely look at him and now she's willing to die for him. the change happened in seconds.#that was a lot of ranting in the tags. oops. anyway...#catelyn stark#jon snow#I love putting these two in harrowing. life altering. and/or traumatic situations so they can finally just be mother and son#I live for the angsty family feels#got#game of thrones#asoiaf
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way finally saying "you really don't know how i feel" next episode, i prayed for days like these.
#pit babe#pit babe the series#way we're moving on to bigger better hotter things king let's go#pete im placing so much trust in you right now you don't even understand#please keep my trust pete
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yeah, so i just finished cataclysm
#spoilers in tags#do not read unless you've already gone thru phase 2#the high republic liveblogging#the high republic spoilers#cataclysm#i am....... in agony#i spent pretty much the entire last 20 pages crying#I THOUGHT I WAS HEARTBROKEN WHEN AIDA ACTUALLY DIED. SO IMAGINE MY PAIN WHEN THE LAST LINE TO REFERENCE HER SAYS#''[ENYA ZIRI AND PHAN-TU'S LAUGHTER] ECHOED THROUGH THE TEMPLE HALLS AND MADE THE OTHER JEDI SMILE BECAUSE IT SOUNDED LIKE AIDA'S LAUGHTER'#SHUT THE FUCK UP#SHUT UP#WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME#THE FIRST THING CREIGHTON DID WHEN HE WOKE UP WAS TRY TO FIND HER#I'M DISINTEGRATING AS WE SPEAK#WHAT THE FUCK#CREIGHTON TAKES ON ENYA???? THEY'RE GONNA HELP EACH OTHER THRU THEIR GRIEF??? HE BEFRIENDED THE MED DROID?????????#the entire funeral for the 3 fallen jedi had me fucking sobbing btw i was a mess#also. wasn't expecting this but axel's redemption did end up winning me over. i was so sure i would continue to hate him#he's very much in love w/ gella and that means i love him very much as well#cataclysm also keeps up a 2/2 record that it shares w/ convergence by way of:#gella nattai says a deeply profound and spiritually moving/comforting line in each book and it hits me right in my religious trauma#the whole 2nd half of the book was incredible. i quite literally spent about 7 hours reading it as fast as i possibly could#i'm not the biggest fan of certain parts of kang's writing but her strength ABSOLUTELY lies in describing battle scenes#those were the easiest to read battle sequences i've ever read in my life and that's out of the entire phase 2 + other prequel books#i think the only other book whose combat didn't confuse me was the 1st republic commando but it's been long enough that i'm not sure#chancellor greylark is so interesting i'm obsessed and also the end scenes w/ her and axel had me weeping like a babe#anyways. that's all for now#my posts
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sometimes I think about how the game that completely changed how the general public viewed pixel rpgs, has a breathtaking soundtrack that has completely escaped it's original circle, has lines like "It's you!" "Despite everything it's still you", changed so many people's mind about empathy in video games, was damn near revolutionary in how it used game mechanics as part of the story and literally fucked with the code of your computer, uses the game code as a means of storytelling, has secrets people still are trying to unravel to this day, and has a boss fight so mind-blowing people still talk about it and for so many people it's ongoing legacy is Kanye West likes...., selfcest, and that time it killed the queen of England. And I love that. good job team
#undertale#I will forever gas up undertale are you kidding#also if you weren't there in 2015 you might not get how like. jaw dropping sans' boss fight was.#just because how it became a meme#all the endings were secret!! For every one except a very very specific one that you have to grind for Sans does not fight you#you can't get him to fight you#he's the true fucking pacifist for better or worse!!#and it's not just his own nihilism he genuinely believes violence#and taking a life especially is this just insanely cruel thing#so you listen to him preach on and on about not hurting others#about not killing#about how it's wrong to kill#and then just completely decimates you when you first encounter him in the worst ending#'his boss fight isn't that hard!!'#YEAH NOW!#after people have had the better part of a decade to dissect it down to the millisecond#the reason it caught people so odd guard it because randomly the game changes the rules!!!#the character you're fighting changed the rules#you can the first move every encounter? no not this time#boss fights work up to their stronger moves to let you adjust? not here he hits you hard right out of the gate#the game gives you hints how to beat enemies? no. good luck babe#he opens the fight with a bit of dialogue the same bit of dialogue every time like every other fight? Not this time now he just goes#every fight gives you the chance to back out and finish the game like normal? no you're out of options#You have to restart the game if you want to start fresh#Again this is a character who never fights you! his fight isn't an option except in the worst time line!#and now he's just put every card on the table and is wildly considered the hardest fight in the game#AND! he fucking counts out your death#sans undertale is that dude.#He's always a character that breaks the rules everyone else follows and now he's breaking the rules YOU follow get dunked on idiot#This doesn't even get into how the game treats you the player as the villain in that route
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oph, hey anxiety ✌️
#wonderful#lovely#hate that#*heavy breathing*#yep yep cool totally#sorry#just sorta venting a bit#yeah ofc naturally#youre allowed this behavior but im not <3 got itttttt thanks#like obviously sure whatever i get it#but also#you do you realize the absolute hypocrisy right? like? you see it right?#you understand how often you do this to me?? and now you're mad that it happened to you?? once??#in a situation where a lot was happening??#like yeah babe it happens <3 sometimes you get ignored or (more accurately) you speak and people dont hear you#or people speak at the same time and only one gets a response#im sorry honey i grew up youngest of 6 kids. as an introvert with severe social anxiety. like.#you will get ignored sometimes. life moves on. you aren't going to die from it.#*DEEP BREATHS*#sorry sorry. like i said i just kinda need to get this out of my system.#so that i don't blow up at her or either of my sisters.#bc babe. honey. really?#shh ac
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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That Should Be Me In The Crowd Trying To Grab Jon😭
#jon bon jovi#i love this man so much#he’s so hot#one of my men#i need him right now#im on my way babe#move over
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i'm so tired of being tired
#babe started snoring two years ago. i meed complete silence. my ears give a reaction to plugs. it's ear pain - sore back (couch) - no sleep#plugged 15 minutes after going to bed last night. ears started throbbing at 4am. unplugged. snores. cried. moved to couch at 4:30.#my eyes are so heavy..#had to get up early because a maintenance guy is coming over 'between 08:30 and 12:30'. i hate big time frames#i hate everything right now tfb#end of rant.
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idk maybe it makes me a child or Someone With Shit Media Literacy, but i feel like when people discuss fictional events that were good or bad writing, they often look to general fiction tropes rather than what makes sense for the individual story? like, oh, well, this is a [genre] story, and in these, it's either X or Y, so it's going to be either X or Y. or: this character technically could count as a [character archetype], so obviously they only have one very predictable ending. what wonderful, emotionally moving writing!
and like. are we writing stories, or producing products that check off all the most common boxes on the Successful [Genre] Story list? this is not to say that you can never kill off your mentors/father figures, or that your protagonist should never fail miserably in this or that point of the story -- sometimes it really is the most fitting and sensible solution! sometimes leaving a character alive would undermine or muddle up the message, if there is one, or it would simply make it more difficult for the writer. and it's fine. but when your reason for this or that writing choice is not "because it makes the most sense" but rather "because that's what happens in other stories", it's, uh, not good writing at all. it's barely any writing, really!
#shrimp thoughts#i still can't understand how people not only expected izzy to die but also found it satisfying. like. you have GOT to be kidding me#you have GOT to be closet izzy haters who thought that saying 'oh i was so moved it was so beautiful' would like. legitimize your#'grr grr stupid baka character want him to DIE'#it must have been said at least 49857 times by people way better at words than me but it would've been cheap and frustrating if it was#izzy ~redeeming himself~ to save ed and doing a very last minute u turn from the path of Villainy. but he was not a villain he was barely#even an antagonist. and he was first and foremost and accepted part of the crew for (over?) HALF OF THE SHOW by now#and saying that he had to die precisely because he 'redeemed himself' (hello hello i'm starting to hate this word yknow) doesn't make it#better. if anything: worse.#and the argument that izzy had to die because he's said it himself -- babes. what. izzy is a character. in a VERY badly written episode if#he has to explain HIMSELF why he's dying and why it's necessary. like. you can see it right. you can see it. right?#post sponsored by me once again letting the curiosity win and finding out the sad way that i made the right call by unfollowing someone#for the grave sin of not liking my blorbo back in 2022
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hey! just wanted to reassure you that i think you're being reasonable with your reactions re: soobin, on one hand there's a lot that we don't know about how he watched it / what version he watched and what he knows abt it, but on the other hand i don't think it's fair to pretend that idols are morally perfect people and that we should just "trust" them (never mind that trust in parasocial relationships doesn't work that way). so i think you're handling this in a level-headed way! and i don't mind hearing your thoughts & seeing your reblogs bc they mirror my own too, and i hope you're doing ok despite all the news coming out
thank you, i'm glad you can see it that way! i just don't wanna condemn someone without knowing the full story, but i also don't wanna defend them blindly yk?
i'm a little stressed out bc as i've mentioned soobin has been a big source of comfort for me, especially this year, so this whole situation is really frustrating (and it's even worse that he mentioned the anime in september last year but it's only being brought to people's attention now lol how did that go over EVERYONE'S heads). but i understand we'll never truly know them, so yeah i'm just gonna wait until we get some disclosure. i just honestly hope he comes forward asap to give us his side of the story bc when taehyun was under fire for being in a club bighit just kept him in a dungeon for 2 weeks and that was it, but this time there's an actual REAL problem so i hope they make him say smth rather than hide him away and act like nothing's going on.
hope you're doing okay as well anon, have a wonderful week 🤍🤍🤍
#we have enough information to believe either side could be right so i don't wanna jump to conclusions#i'll just keep him away from my blog for now#and if it's true that he watched the Seriously Problematic™ version then yea we're moving on from him#what's getting to me is that he mentioned it on a welive like . how do you mention that kinda content in front of thousands of ppl#i hate it here#i also hate how some people are acting like this is IMPOSSIBLE#when i was digging through it earlier i literally saw someone saying ''people are insane. i know soobin and he would never do such a thing'#like babe you do not know him at all#none of us do 💀#but i digress#anonymous#💌
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Mum yells at dad for not asking how she is earlier in the day, then the next day he asks how she's going earlier. She then berates him for not actually wanting to know, and you can tell by her voice that she's annoyed by him asking 🙃
Look, dad isn't perfect btw I'm not saying he's done nothing to deserve this but like!! My god. You couldn't get two people who are less compatible than them. If someone's very nature pisses you off and triggers you (in the actual meaning of the word) then you need to separate. I understand wanting to salvage something you've put decades of your life into - but if you're screaming in emotional pain every day then you need to work out separation. Even if it's difficult and painful and you don't get any closure.
You can't "fix" someone who's just different from you.
#skip talks#fam venting again!! I'm sorry babes i just need to say this somewhere without burdening my friends#i promise that it (most likely) will be less once i move in with my friend#I'll have new and interesting things to vent about yaaay#also thank you to everyone who's comforted me or tried to cheer me up i love y'all#sorry if i dont always reply to stuff#i see it and appreciate it but my mind is just not here right now#idk what to tag?#parental trauma cw#?
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if anyone needs me for the foreseeable future, my cousin bought me the new pokemon game so i'm going to throw my sad ass into that until my arm improves. calling the doctor tomorrow to try and get something going for the brace or whatever the fuck is going on cause i'm so miserable existing is pain
#trashy yells#like#there's no long fix right now#just very short fixes until it hurts more#i could deal with the wrist but not being able to move my arm ways it should without shooting pain is frustrating#but yeah i'm just hella sad#and i have to go to work tomorrow#so just gonna curl up and watch babes and play pokemon#pls send good vibes
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I need to call the pharmacy to refill my prescription. My pill bottle is on the bedside table. If I sit up I can reach it and get the Rx number and call the pharmacy and refill my meds. The idea of sitting up and reaching over is fucking unbearable and feels impossible to do. The pill bottle is in view. It is like 3 inches out of my reach. If I don't call it in today I won't have my refill in time for the holidays. I physically cannot make myself sit up and grab the bottle. This is what we in the business call absolute bullshit.
#yes im depressed what gave it away#its frankly embarrassing that I'm losing a fight with what surmounts to a messed up chemical reaction occuring inside a hunk of meat#getting my ass beat by shitty chemistry#im losing the struggle to fuckin elements and electricity#this is so cringefail dont look at me#my brain screwed up a step somewhere during the chemical reaction that is my mental functions#and now i cannot move 3 inches#like BABE youre setting the house on fire while you're still inside it#you are putting poison in your own dinner and then wondering why we feel like shit#stupid cringefail ass meat hunk can't even chemistry right
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