#motivation better stick with me on this one
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STOP LEAVING THIS SHIT IN THE TAGS I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD DUDE
This is the kind of shit that wakes me up from the afternoon sluggishness, the mindset of "fuck everyone I'm not going to work today and everything is shit".
Jesus Christ I'm gonna get you one day. I will make myself an idiot sandwich when I do. I will make you understand the brainrot you curse me with, the dull sense of fascination I feel about these faggots, stages and headcanons and all.
It has become a great point of borderline-obsession for me to imagine Stage 1 and Stage 2's complicated dynamics with Color before they finally both understand he's got no ulterior motives. Then they turn against each other full-force because Stage 1 is a wuss with attachment issues.
I think it would be funny if Stage 2 is the Stage that starts trusting Color first, no apprehensive questions asked, and then Stage 1 starts having a fucking conniption over it, like they don't understand what the fuck #2 is doing or why so they automatically assume the worst when really #2 is just happy to finally have a guy that doesn't treat him like the odd one out or try to alienate him over premeditated assumptions.
#1 recognizing Color is safe and trustworthy is the equivalent to strangling themself to not fuck up the one good thing they have going for them while #2 would appear to just accept it, like a simple "okay" while he's constantly making calculations about the what-ifs anyway. They're both paranoid, but #2 picked up the habit of scheming so he always has a semblance of a plan if anything goes wrong while #1 constantly obsesses over the potential of everything going to shit, not so much how they'd react aside from breaking down, running away, and maybe finding a way to finally die.
Color gives #2 basic fucking respect then goes beyond that as they keep interacting and #2 finds he likes that a lot actually, only for #1 to try and sabotage their relationship through their paranoid bullshit.
And like, I'm not saying #1 has no reason to be this way, they do, it's all just popping up at the wrong time where these behaviors and habits aren't necessary anymore.
#2 is bound to get pissed at #1 openly at some point. He just wants to be around his pookie and chill, no bloodshed needed, and the constant hot-and-cold, yes-and-no, will they-won't they, push-and-pull attitude #1 resorts to makes him realize that maybe, just maybe, he's gonna have to invest in a notebook to start communicating with this bitch thoroughly. Cause his main man, his one trusted guy being pushed away is not doing them any favors and he wouldn't know what to do if Color had enough at some point and just left like #1 seems to want.
So they have this back-and-forth for several months while Stage 3 is the one actually chilling. It gives no fucks about the other two imbeciles, it's enjoying every minute it spends with Color, but may or may not scream when #1 or #2 try to switch in.
...imagine what a blend of #2 and #3 would act like. I think they'd be extremely clingy to Color, maybe hug him with their entire body and stay like that even as he's moving around doing his own thing, but retains the #2 behaviors of studying everything that piques their interest and not responding to much emotional stimuli, and all while they're heavily dissociating. Once separate, neither of them remember where they got that information but just accept it.
ANYWAYS I hate these fucking people, I should stick them in the pear wiggler and lock the door behind them.
#2 I believe, while he's trying to do better through his bond with Color, still has manipulative habits compulsively. He knows he has an issue with that but the problem is he doesn't recognize the hows and why's. But #1 does and reacts the completely wrong way in getting anyone to notice the signs. They are set in fucking over #2 when what #2 actually needs is a clear reference in how he can change these behaviors.
He really does value Color, all of them do, but he feels like at this point in time he's the only one actually being productive about it and that's gonna be another reason why he's so infuriated with #1.
He's trying to get better for his own sake, taking notes and observing Color's needs as well so he can stick by him more effectively. If only #1 stopped destroying those notes under the pretense #2 still thinks of Color as a jumbo-sized lab rat and not the most reliable ride-or-die in existence.
I am waiting for the time #2 finally snaps openly and Color receives a rant about #1 being a bitch while he's stuck in sleep paralysis. That would be one hell of a way to find out yo boy's got suppressed issues he's struggling to sort out himself.
-- Sarco
the way stage 1 handles the other stages and advises others to the same is just both hilarious and sad
“Yeah no don’t trust me when im like that. im sure being told that everything i do or attempt to express is just me manipulating and lying won’t have consequences”
“oh yeah just kill me when im like that. what? I tried to defend myself against being murdered and killed when I was like that? gee golly im just so insane and crazy and violence is all I know you simply must kill me”
“what? hiding this part of myself and trying to suppress and resist it and pretend it doesn’t exist has consequences in that it will only make itself more know the more I resist?..I need to hide all evidence of its existence even more! In fact you should kill me before i ever become like that!”
like is it any wonder you feel so threatened in other stages when you actively turn others against you and encourage them to dehumanize and demonize you, thinking you’re doing anyone any good
#Sarco Screams#color spectrum duo#stage 1 killer#stage 2 killer#stage 3 killer#color!sans#killer!sans#colorsans#killersans#color sans#killer sans#othertale#something new at#narcoleptic color#plural killer#OSDD-2 Killer
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animating something
#for the first time in forever#motivation better stick with me on this one#or else i'll cry#no wips#no spoilers
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Both 27 year olds in wh go crazy age regressing Charlie in a more physical manner (literal 10yr old body and for example her penchant for plushie-collecting) Ashe it just happens to him tragically mostly when talking to Noel it's not his fault he happens to trigger the most vulnerable emotions in Ashe on accident every single time (sorry i mentioned them once but then i went off about them in tags.) Charlie and Ashe parallels are so intriguing for real. Something is wrong with you guys
#Omg kris talking about wh on tumblr!? What the heck.. It's because twitter down#I know after most siriconc noelashe conversations the first thought Ashe has after they break apart is like#What the fuck just happened why did i say all that. *trying to erase all memory of it immediately*#If it was me i'd be suicidal. But it's good to be suicidal sometimes. Like when you're that far gone lol (insane person thought process)#But seriously for some reason recently i have been alot more dissociative (or noticing it) and i understand him way better#It's self sabotage from instinctual desire to be 'saved' like a moth to a light when you're NEVER in your right mind but#Nothing really pushes you to be influenced by others in that state... Until it gets unbearably personal and then you crumble#I think also that my main motivation for obsession over their relationship in specific is my love for Ashe#And to break him apart like a watermelon. And noel is capable of this. And I relate to Noel really crazy bad#>:) Come here Ashe my darling the wooden stick isnt for anything silly or bad i promise. Ignore that im drooling#sorry for the twitterinas i think i soujd like a broken record i think i am one well that's the life when your spin is a piece of media wit#limited content. As is all media
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See the further irony is:
That in using 'Mall Goth Sauron' as the take on Dark Willow over 'misogynist has character randomly killed for LULZ' it also allows for greater accountability on the one hand and for Season 7 to thematically focus on repairing all this damage in the midst of facing an enemy of shadows reliant on lies to further itself. The only way to break the Druj is the absolute Truth in a very Zoroastrian sense. Characters don't get to neatly skip past accountability for their actions, and this would spiral over into further later seasons with the essential reality that in an otherwise lower-level setting this one random girl from California is a Dark Phoenix-tier reality warper and the most powerful person on the planet, or the universe.
And the questions of how that power could and should be employed on the one hand and that Willow is essentially a Doctor Strange type who beats up Gods and Eldritch Abominations for her regular line of work where her counterparts deal with the more 'street level' crises would in turn be the logical conclusion of where the show ends. She doesn't do as much physical fighting for the same reason that Stephen Strange never uses magic to go punch the Hulk in the face, her narrative role is ultimately that of Sorceress Supreme of Earth, with literally nobody in an ancient established war anticipating that this one random ginger from California was and is the new Sorceress Supreme and that if they had had such awareness the realities are that this power would and could have taken worse forms.
Unfortunately for the world, the reality too is that it is a shy computer geek who has a not at all subtle dark side and the usual teenage anxieties and insecurities given the equivalent of being able to reliably actually do things other people might dream of but can never do.
But again as long as Dawn Summers being a good thing is a narrative convention that's established memory magic is a poor choice to show the corrupting effects of reality-warping. It's a case of 'yes as established in canon all of this is true for that one season but then they decided to retcon it, so the fans are not obligated to care about it any more than the canon does about this itself.'
#willow rosenberg#tara maclay#dawn summers#you will never convince me as long as Dawn Summers is a plot device that 'memory magic unforgivable' is anything but bad writing#it was the choice used but there are other equally toxic things that could have been done instead#the basic theme of 'very powerful person decides things for another in an abusive fashion' works just as well without it#Tara's growth arc in refusing to tolerate abuse even from the person who brought her out of her shell can stand perfectly fine#it works even better with a budding Sauron than abruptly deciding 'wholesale memory rewrites good retail unforgivable.'#killing Tara off also denies her any sense of closure or ability to get that closure with the person who does this#the entire element here with the way things went down is bad writing from Point A to point Z#and it's also easily forgotten but Tara wasn't in fact intended to be Willow's love interest#she was replacement Willow for sympathy points#her entire arc as such became Willow X Tara but it was a choice from actor chemistry#So in giving Tara a role besides 'Willow's Girlfriend' it arguably does better by her character#tara x willow#btvs#and yes yes the 'scale changes things' argument is true but only to a point#it's really no different to introduce Dawn than what Willow did#if the retail is wrong so is the wholesale and the decisions to make this that point of no return is an avoidable mistake#plus honestly imagine a Season 7 Tara going 'sweetie no' and a Season 7 Willow dealing with those consequences in real time#equally one can have Tara's cold turkey approach stick exactly as it was#and serve as her role in the time bomb because she's a product of an abusive family and not an infallible moral guide#she rightly sees the problem and at least tries to address it when nobody else did#but unfortunately her solution was pouring gasoline on the fire and then vacating the range where the fire would burn#still further between that and Willow being human enough to resent being told to take that pain and do it going it alone#there'd be plenty of reasons for a surviving Tara and Willow to spend season 7 broken up as is#Tara would not at all be wrong to be wary and not want to touch reformed Sauron with a 400 foot pole#Willow equally would resent someone whose bad advice helped create the problem and who evades any recognition thereof#good old fashioned drama with entirely human motives
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people interacting w wgoin in my notes... this would be a rly bad time to say all my writing will probably be on hiatus for the indefinite future huh
#not like it makes a practical difference considering i only upload twice a year at best#but im realising how much my writing is shame motivated and its just not sustainable or healthy#it saddens me that these stories i invested So much time and effort into will probably never get finished#i wanna hold out hope that they will but#i dont want anyones expectations to be too high#bc knowing myself they probably wont#i started wgoin thinking that this would be the story i commit to finishing and not just abandon as soon as i get bored#but that was before i had really realised how my brain works#and for a while writing these chapters have felt very forced#gbgb had a much better run till it crashed and i was just unable to pick it back up#tbh that one could potentially still be saved bc of how open ended it is if i get any inspo for it back whatsoever#bc it had no strict plan i was entirely making it up as i go#and im realising thats how i write best. i tried to plan wgoin so id commit to finishing it but im realising that has the opposite effect#if i plan anything too thoroughly writing it becomes like gnawing on lead#cause i got all the dopamine out of the idea already#i write best when i have nothing but a vague idea or a vibe#gbgb crashed bc i ran out of vibes and ideas but if i find any again who knows#there is the possibility where i scrap the plan i had for wgoins entire plot and make the rest up as i go#which i might try purely bc i love the story sm#and i think i enjoyed writing it most back in the first three parts where i Was making it up as i went#which is why im saying indefinite hiatus instead of discontinued#bc there is hope for them. just not. much#so if u stick around maybe follow me on ao3 if u dont wanna see all my posts n just my stories#maybe in 3 years time youll see another wgoin notif or sumn#sorry to the small but dedicated handful of readers who really loved these fics#i wanted to write more for you guys bc ik its hard to find this kinda fic anywhere else; its why i started writing it#but i am but one unmedicated autist w severe adhd. we r working on the unmedicated part tho#ive learned so much abt how my brain functions now n how to make the most of it tho#i told myself id finish any new writing before i post it. so know anything new Will be complete :3#mischiefing time
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the past two days, i've just been watching mukbangs
#brain off frfr#staring at a pretty girl eating a shit ton of food#there was this one girl i watched for a bit bc she had a cute dog but i couldn't handle her mic quality ;-;#i haven't even edited any chapters#i think i'll have to stick to one update a week =v=...#smh#i was hoping to get to two a week#i guess i could do a stable one a week and two ever other week#i can't even figure out the next arc#i vaguely know the ending at least but the two arcs between the middle and the end are making me wanna gouge my eyes out#a part of me is like well i can always go back to edit/rewrite it right#which is true#but the problem is my motivation...#i think if i just sat down and stared at the word doc for long enough i could do it#it just sucks bc after the previous arc things change so much...and i wanted to do a big time skip#i still want to do a big time skip#but at the same time i'm like#could i do a smaller time skip??#it adds to the slow burn...which i do like...#but then i'd have to break the major arc i had into a smaller piece?#which honestly might be better bc the first drafts of those arcs that i deleted felt way too rushed and i hated it
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i literally cannot keep living like this
#oh god... having one of those moments.... < guy who knows i will fail time and time again like always bc i am incapable of getting better#with the Current resources and support i have and the state of myself and my life... would not be saying this if it werent true its#bad for me guys and ive been fighting for like 10 years and it just gets worse and ive dug myself into a massive hole its going#to take so much effort and time and help and resources and genuine professionals help to get me out of... and i dont have that right now so#i just rotttt... its awfulll... i need to do better i really do its just extremely hard to take care of myself and to Care about myself#and to get the motivation to push through the pain and stress and agony etc that comes with recovering and trying to get your life together#especially when its just me... and i suck at sticking with that and holding myself accountable and giving a shit about myself#plus i need like. therapy and medication lol#delete later#vent#sorry about venting Just needed to get it out in the tags. damn... i will get through it i will find a way
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reaching Points and Milestones and shit
#a... certain fic... now only has 20% of it left to be written#I am TERRIFIED#all of it isn't posted of course#i have a couple scheduled posts#but holy fuck. i am nearing the end#scared but also EXCITED because this means i can do other stuff so soon#soul riders baking fic... character studies... jorvikpov-esque stuff that ISNT jorvikpov... 5+1s... mayalex... angst... what-ifs...#i've also over the past week been much MUCH better than usual at writing Ahead#(thanks manda for providing fantastic motivation and thanks me for having the brilliant idea to finally ask someone to beta read)#so it's possible I might wrap this up way sooner than I thought#(writing wise - I'll probably stick to one post a week at the same time and day from now)#z talks
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Me at 2am last night: I’m gonna wake up at like 10am, maybe earlier, and then immediately start sewing some projects at 11am! I have iced coffee waiting in my fridge. I will get so much done!
6am: *Still awake, mad at the world.*
7:30am: *Wakes up, gets water, goes back to bed.*
12:30pm *Wakes up and gets confused at the time*
Me: Ok, this isn’t that bad. I’ll drink the coffee and have breakfast, then start sewing only two hours later than planned.
1pm-2pm: *Youtube and Tumblr*
Me at 3pm: ...Hmm... maybe I’ll just sew tomorrow...
#god i'm the worst#my therapist wants me to create a better sleep schedule and a schedule of getting up and out of the house#while i'm unemployed and applying to jobs and not having a normal human schedule at all#and i was SO READY to do that.#especially since i have some sewing to do for a community theater and i'm using the sewing machine at my late grandma's apartment#so i am leaving my apartment to do it and being productive in some way while unemployed#and yet. still no motivation to actually get up and leave and go sew#i have to go to a birthday party at like 7-ish so now at most i'll only be able to sew for 3 hours before i need to shower and leave#but 2 days ago i got a LOT done in only two hours of sewing. so. maybe i can do that again today...#ugh. ok. 3:30. i will get up. get dressed. go to my grandma's. at the very least sew the skirt that is a personal project of mine.#ideally sew that and part of one of the pieces i need to make for the theater#ok now that i've written out this plan i gotta stick to it
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I got a comic idea so I just wrote down the entire scene I might sketch it out tmw it's gonna be real bad looking teehee
#i also rly want to do some proper in depth studies over time... like focus on one part of the body a week....#i tried it a few years ago n didnt stick w it at all but... i want to try again i need to challenge myself as a person yk#i wanna ask my friends to do it along w me no pressure so maybe we can motivate each other#um but yea i really want to get better at drawing people#right now thats what i enjoy and ik i enjoy it bc im better at it but for now its what i think abt so i may as well get goated#i enjoy still lifes a lot tho. the thing is i only ever do them traditionally and i need to get into the habit of self motivating#woa that was a lot oopsie
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personally I don’t hate gray wing nearly as much as everyone else because he’s a great example of having rose colored glasses just because ‘well, he’s family’, and not realizing until far too late that that essentially ruined his life and made him amount to almost nothing. Because clear sky is his brother, he wants to assume the best of him. Surely, my brother would never. Surely he didn’t mean it like that. Surely he’ll do better next time. He’s my brother. He COULDN’T be a bad guy. So he keeps giving him chances, over and over and over again, until it’s completely destroyed him. Until he can no longer breathe, his lungs full of toxic smoke that clear sky abandoned him to breathe in, until he is under his claws, nearly killed under the moonlight, until his people are battered again and again, until borders become inevitable. But he never, ever realizes, because- it’s his brother. Surely, his brother will do better next time. Surely, he didn’t mean it. Surely, he will change.
And believing that is the death of him.
#It was always to my understanding that he died early BECAUSE of the lung damage#And that the fire and leaving gray wing behind was on clear sky. I don’t remember how but I remember it was#Clear sky’s actions got gray wing killed in the end. But he loved his stupid brother so much he was blind to see it until he literally died#Hell. And even after.#Because- they’re brothers. Surely. Hell do better next time.#Like people who keep forgiving their family over and over#Ohhh but hes changed!!! No he hasn’t. He may pretend for 10 minutes but he’s going back after another#but it’s my mom/dad/brother… I HAVE to have a relationship with them… because… yknow… family….#When really the best thing to do when you have a clear sky is cut that fucker off#Because he will slowly drain the life out of you and everyone around you#BUT. I don’t HATE the person who doesn’t cut off their family member#I feel SORRY for them. That they can’t realize how badly they’re hurting themselves keeping this up#So. I don’t hate gray wing.#Clear sky is a bastard and I’d say I hate him as a person tho. but not as a character either#Because he’s a villain and those motivate plot. I know they change their mind later. But I didn’t. I didn’t forget#And I choose to believe the powers that be didn’t either. Given skyclan all dies within the next decade and stays gone for generations#But I guess none of that is CANON text. It’s just also not NOT canon. It’s not an AU au because it like#COULD be why. They just didn’t say one way or the other#Anyway gray wing is really just like. A pathetic wet mop of a guy#Definitely no wise sage#But I do not hate him. I cried when he died at the end of path of stars#I pity that he never got to live a life free of all that toxicity because ‘but we family’.#Like a lot of older. Perhaps religious raised. People I grew up around with shitty family members#No you don’t owe it to anybody no you don’t have to respect thy father and mother if they don’t respect you#You never asked to be born. Etc etc#But that. They gave me something and family is family and blood is thicker than water attitude#Is very common around rural religious areas. Which is. What I think of the clans as. Backwoods evangelicals#ESPECIALLY in the early days#Well. Bulls’ shit is thicker than blood. And that’s what your life is gonna be full of if you stick with toxic people because of blood#Anyway whatever none of this means anything. Just. Saying words
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So annoyed that my writing/sims blog seems to have been shadowbanned. I've barely even done anything on there yet.
#feel so defeated like i can't make friends in real life and now that i actually put myself out their for the first time#i'm just getting punished for it#i don't want to quit but i can't even find community to help keep me motivated and on track#what's the point in even trying to be present on social media if no one sees you#i just want a space to get better but know one wants anything that's less than perfect from the jump and it just makes me want to quit#maybe i should just delete and stick to shitposting on the cat blog
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ah yes,
my favorite
the jester!
#of the tmp2 cast anyway#my doll designs could only dream of being so fanciful#they all stick quite closely to their in-game appearances#but MAYBE THAT'LL CHANGE#maybe#~who knows?~#also out of my dolls jester is one of the few with any sort of ~shapeliness~ to her#like these curves that make her frame distinct from the androgynous and basic ones of the other vessels and give her some sex appeal#i could definitely explain it better with a visual#but ~that~ would require me mustering up the will to make references#tldr: i am in need of an art motivation beam#jackbox#jackbox fanart#jackbox games#trivia murder party#trivia murder party 2#tmp#tmp2#tmp jester
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Every planet in the 12th: Observations
The 12th house shows you in which ways you can leave the biggest impact on the world in the purest most intentional way if you so choose.
*I didn't feel like proof reading spare me*
sun in the 12th often misperceived or seen as having underlining motives even when that is furthest from the truth. Actually quite often upfront with their intentions regardless if they know more than they've led you to believe. The projection others put on them is veryyy high, sun person unconsciously triggering deep seated wounds in others while they just assume they’re having a normal conversation. They either love gossip or are always being brought up in gossip. Attracting secret admirers bc of the taboo aspect of their personality. They teach others how to be themselves through example and that gives them the popular loner vibe, everyone wants to know whats going on in their life. Though Its often not as interesting as the stories that are being created about them (probably at home chilling). Unintentionally very funny their light hearted nature makes others feel comfortable. They know how to create warm welcomes. They can read animals minds. They dress how they feel. Escape artist. Probably through music, film or imagination. Gift for photography.
moon in 12th romantic relationships have a big influence on these people. They'll change their whole life around to fit into their lovers life for better or worse. Naturally harmonious these people are seemingly unsuspecting until you piss them off then you realize they just choose to keep peace. Prone to escapism usually through some sort of creative pursuit turned business. Obviously not forward with their feelings ppl tend to label them as having their head in the clouds when in reality they have plans its just nobody else's business. There's a love/resentful relationship with the mother. The mother could've been a physical provider but not emotional. These ppl had to nurture and comfort themselves and it made them very good at being those things for others. Children and animals loveeeee them. They are givers and don't mind sharing for the greater good. Dependable and persistent they can stick out something they feel is important. But if they don't care... Oh its very obvious. That job they don't like? Oh don't even worry about it they'll quit. They don't like feeling stressed or unharmonious and don't mind removing anything thats trying to hinder that. In the lower natures this creates a person that ignores anything that would make them have to readjust their behavior. Extremely delusional and misreads the room quite often. Very emotional changing how they feel about you frequently. It can become hard to give and receive trust.
Mars in the 12th manifest things/experiences so easy especially through their connections. They know how to put themselves in the right rooms with the right people. They date people that improve their social standing and they do the same in return. When its comes to career they could've seemed like the runt in the group but they grew themselves to be well respected in their field. Often hearing ''you only got this because''. They attract a lot of haters jealous of their success or the way they got their success. these people are attractive and naturally have a body others envy, they always have options and good ones at that.
Venus in 12th boy oh boy the hopeless romantics, but whats so hopeless about it? Others may often wonder why you picked the person you did viewing you as opposites. There may be an age gap or cultural difference. The women often choose partners that have a different social standing or perception than their own. The Men do the same though their more willing to be in relationships with unrequited love. Have had their fair share of infidelity issues until they found the person that would ride or die for them and vise versa. Privacy and trust are high priority for these people. Very good at socializing they know how to read what is needed to improve the energy of a space. Their parties/hostings are always so inviting and rememberable. They work very well with children and animals. Especially those in need. Fostering is something they wouldn't mind doing, along with nursing things back to health. Examples hair, nails. Plants etc. Very crafty they'd create beautiful jewelry and clothing. Their style is unique and acquired taste even. Controlling an image or narrative comes natural these Pol could do damage control for celebrities. When Ppl are in a frantic state they know how to calm assist.
Mercury in 12th are good at controlling the narratives around themselves. People hand on to every word that's said. These are the types that prefer to talk when necessary and not give out to much information. Just enough to keep you hooked. They have a unique sound and are musically inclined it helps that they think outside of the box. Usually the leader of the group because of their ability to see the broader picture and keep everyones best interest at heart. They attract haters bc they set high goals for themselves they get viewed as outlandish or unpractical when actually they just believe in themselves and remain optimistic. They know alot about very specific niche things.
Jupiter in the 12th don't get the credit they deserve for being so iconic. They really are trendsetters that break molds and stereotypes and tend receive backlash for the things they say & do simply because they were the first to do it. Opening up the pathway for others to show up more authentically and protected. They have big expression and are passionate about the things they choose to do. Their not afraid to speak their truth and having a forgiving nature. Creative pursuits are well received by the public attracting sponsors easily. Its also easy for them to find/create a community ppl reall gravitate to them. Their kryptonite lies in their self esteem. If they can't face rejection they'll hide the best parts of themselves. Only seeing the beauty in others and not what they offer the world.
Saturn in the 12th need to know when to stop while their ahead. They get into unnecessary battles bc of a fragile or inflated ego. When the ego is healthy this makes for a very powerful person that commands rooms with ease. They make Pol want to sit up in their chair when they walk in. These Pol are stubborn but more often than not it works out in their favor. Very hard workers and the same energy they apply is expected from those around them. If they put in 80 hrs a week they expect the same from you, if I can do it why can't you mentality. They achieve alot and Ppl notice it but its like no one ever sees them working they just see the finished product and know a lot had to be done behind the scenes. For example let's say someone is very popular you know they would've had to built those relationships you just didn't see it happen. They could have a guilt complex about their achievements and feel like theirs still more they should be doing for other ppl. Growing up as the star, the golden child, the one thats going to help the family put a lot of pressure and responsibility on them. This could've also affected the relationship between the others siblings. Lastly these Ppl are either very serious about punctuality or show up whenever they want to. Maybe even both they could've started out one way and over time became another way. When saturn is damaged they run from responsibility and are viewed as childish and never learning from their lessons.
Neptune in the 12th know how to win over the audience. I chose the word audience bc they love an audience. Ppl will make excuses for their behavior like ''you know they had a rough childhood'' as if that excuses hurting others. Professional sympathy grabbers even when their not even trying and great ass kissers when they want to be. That is in neptunes lower natures ofc. These ppl speak their mind without a fuck given. This is like the only pile im cursing in and that kind of explains them. Their going to say what they want and don't mind shaking the room up. Image is important to them. They'll study their own footage to see what they looked like, sounded like, acted like, and change anything they deem as not fitting. They could be great actors or social media personalities. Also would be good at managing social media accounts. These ppl may be easily persuaded especially by those they view as having a higher social ranking than themselves. Knowing how to adapt to any environment is their strong suit. They act as a mirror in their environment and reflect back whatever energy you give them. To a T at that. They know when to play it up or be more lowkey. This is type of person to always leave lasting impressions on ppl. They could be the first in a taboo field to achieve something. Like being the first pornstar to get 100 million views. Its like when you think you have them figured out they do something else that shows there's many other sides to them. Often hearing ''i didnt think I would like you at first''. With a great sense of humor they know how to laugh at themselves and lighten the mood they don't take life to seriously. They attract a lot of unique ppl their friend group is very expansive. They could be friends with a stripper and an attorney. Hell they might've been a stripper and an attorney.
Uranus in the 12th they just pop up and ppl are surprised like ''omg what are doing here'' these ppl are held in high regard mostly bc their very selective with their energy, your viewed as a busy person so when you come around it makes ppl feel lucky. You treat others fairly and want everyone around you to feel accepted. You value keeping the peace. The fact that I'm even using you instead of they is a reflection of how inclusion is important for you. Having an eccentric vibe is more obvious here but alot of ppl go the opposite way and don't want to appear uniquely at all they actually want to be as plain Jane as possible. This can actually rub ppl the wrong way and make them feel something is being hidden from them like your pretending. Feeling criticized in childhood is why accepting others is something they prioritize. They end up in rooms with many different types of ppl. This placement has a lot of experience in a lot of different areas. With a free spirited nature they are open to trying new things pushing themselves outside of their comfort zone quite often.
Pluto in the 12th, a quiet energy standing in the back of the room scoping out the scenery. They notice more than ppl realize and are smarter than they let on. Often having their power tested bc of their calm observing demeanor. Ppl try to make them feel they don't belong in certain environments or that their not really qualified but they don't mind showing you why that perception isn't accurate. They know how to push back. The type to pretend they don't care about popularity but they work very hard at obtaining it. But maybe they don't care about the popularity just the power that it brings. Knowing the value of relationships they put alot into maintaining them. They are very giving to those around them. Self sacrificing even, its like they believe thats how you show someone you really care. These are some of the most passionate people you'll meet. They just know how to make you feel understood and seen. They make everyone feel special. This is one of the most intense placements for the 12th house. The transformations are deep, murky, confusing but it breeds and very self sufficient determined person. They question everything and are always growing and adapting. When they find something they like they become obsessive about it. They will work for extended amounts at a time. Like binging behavior. In Pluto's lower natures they develop a chip or their shoulder and use their influence to hurt others. If they are operating from that place they become very good at it. If they are never brought into awareness they continue generational curses but their children will have it worse than they did. These are the type of Pol that will tell you a traumatic experience in such a casual way and your just left like wtf you said that like it was normal. They also could've grew up experiencing their traumas being brushed off like they were normal. They were familiar with death from a young age and may have felt like they never really were a child. They build the trust of others easily and its bc their honest. It is what it is to them. They are natural born leaders it doesn't take much convincing & they don't mind leading the way as long as you give them their accolades for it. Mind you they could have a god complex but to be fair if you've experienced or achieved the things they have you might too.
#astrology#12th house#astrology101#astrologyfacts#8th house#astrologyzone#astro notes#astrologychart#pluto astrology#pluto aspects
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that's that me, espresso l y.jh
❥ Synopsis: Jeonghan fucks you hard, Jeonghan fucks you good. You both know that much, so why do you refuse to give him the time of day outside of bed?
❥ Genre: Smut, Desperate Jeonghan, Reader is closed off, one sided pining (until it's mutual), Fuckgirl!reader, Formula One drivers!Seventeen, Reader is a life guard (so is Joshua!) theres also like angst if u really squint.
❥ Warnings: *takes a deep breath* unprotected sex, degradation, praise, choking, implied face slapping, multiple sex scenes (like 3), creampies (ew i hate that word!!!), exhibitionism, jeonghan is a little mean during sex but its okay, jeonghan fucks her while seungcheol listens in but she does not know, fingering, oral, face fucking, car sex, jeonghan cums in her and makes her keep it inside while they play beach volleyball, reader likes to send videos of her sleeping with other people (cheol and josh) to jeonghan to mess with him. i think thats it.
❥ Word count: 8.6k
a/n: so im finally done this LMAOO. huge. huge. HUGE!!!! thank u to everyone who helped me with this fic @hanniesluvr my lovely aera my fellow jeonghan freak my WIFE!!! for keeping me motivated through this and matching my freak, @haologram for the banner and basically ghost writing this (if u like the whole f1 driver thing, thank alta :D) and @dearlyjun for using her big huge sexy brain and f1 knowledge and helping a girl out ANDD!!!! @jihyokat for beta reading i love u all MWAH <3 ANYWAYS!!! here she is <3 hope u enjoy :D
“You’re already leaving?” Jeonghan called out from behind you, watching as you redressed yourself. Jeonghan knew you never stayed. Well, you never stayed with him at least.
You let out a laugh, ”You know I'm not staying” Jeonghan let out a groan at that, annoyed that he’s seen you stay the night with other hookups but not him. Why not Jeonghan? He was hot, he fucked good, he fucked hard (the way you like it), he fit all of the requirements that made him a good fuck buddy. So why did you refuse to spend the night with him every time you hooked up?
The answer was simple, you didn’t want to stick around when you know they’re gonna catch feelings. You know Jeonghan is going to get attached too easily if you keep staying. But there’s something about him that’s just too good to let go.
The first time you and Jeonghan had sex, it wasn’t like anything you’ve ever experienced before. Jeonghan was different. He single-handedly fulfilled all of your depraved fantasies on your first night together. You never thought that someone like Jeonghan would be so…nasty in bed but the second you followed him back to his car you were in for a surprise to say the least.
For someone who looked like an angel, he sure didn’t act like one in bed.
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You were invited to the party Jeonghan threw to celebrate his win in Las Vegas. Your best friend and second place winner tonight, Mingyu, drove you to the venue with him. You could hear the music booming before you even got to the entrance of the nightclub. It was huge and the only other person you knew at this party was Seungkwan, Mingyu’s teammate.
The moment you were let into the club your eyes landed on Boo Seungkwan, the other man you were expecting to see tonight. His eyes locked with yours and immediately they lit up. He was conversing with Yoon Jeonghan, the man of the night and no matter how many times you’ve seen the man on TV, it’s nothing compared to the real deal. Jeonghan was nothing short of ethereal. If you didn’t know any better you’d think he was an angel on earth, not one of the top racers on the whole grid.
“Y/n!” Seungkwan shouted over the crowd, your smiles mirroring each other as Mingyu led you through the ocean of bodies. “You look fucking stunning tonight dude” He left the group he was talking with to pull you away from Mingyu. You were aware of how good you looked tonight. You chose not to drive to the party tonight in plans of going home with someone at the party and you knew that you had to dress to impress. With your little black dress and matching stiletto pumps, you were sure you’d get someone to either A) buy you a drink or B) take you back to theirs.
…Hopefully both?
“Thanks Kwannie! I thought maybe I’d dress to impress tonight” Seungkwan snickered at that, “Why? got any plans tonight?” He wiggled his eyebrows, looking over your shoulder at Mingyu, implying you’d be going back to his place after this. Typical Seungkwan, he was always so determined to someday expose that you and Mingyu were secretly hooking up on the down low but that day won’t be soon.
“Fuck no! You know damn well i would never fuck Mingyu of all people” Lies. You and Mingyu did hook up once and never again. Not that it was bad but because on your way out that day you met the one and only Choi Seungcheol, Yoon Jeonghan’s teammate at Ferrari. You and Seungcheol have been hooking up on the down low since. You wrapped up the conversation with Seungkwan and made your way around the club, searching for Mingyu.
“Hey!” A tap on your shoulder caught your attention, You turned around and there was the man of the night, Yoon Jeonghan, you watched him give you a once over before meeting your eyes. “Hi! Jeonghan, right?” You were quick to introduce yourself, maintaining eye contact as best as you could. It wasn’t easy when his big brown eyes were looking deep into your own and to make it worse, his pretty face was glowing, the aftermath of a huge victory on the track today.
“Are you looking for your boyfriend?” Jeonghan frowned, eyes searching around looking for whoever he supposed was your boyfriend.
“Boyfriend?” You snickered, “Who’s my boyfriend dare I ask”
“Mingyu, no?”
You burst into laughter, hand resting on his shoulder for reassurance. “Mingyu is not my boyfriend, we’re just friends. And yes, I was looking for him”
Jeonghan sighed in relief. “Thank God, Mind if I buy you a drink?”
BINGO!
Jeonghan led the way to the bar where he bought you your drink of choice, a Vodka Tonic. You were sitting on a bar stool with your back to the bar while Jeonghan stood in front of you, looking down at you and taking in your figure. “You look amazing tonight by the way” He smiled at you as he watched you take a sip of your drink, smiling creeping onto your face at both the taste of your drink and the compliment.
“Thank you, I put it on in hopes to go home with someone tonight” You gazed up at him expectantly.
“Oh? Is that so?” Jeonghan smirked, stepping forward to situate himself between your legs, leaning his head down enough to where his lips were hovering over yours.
“Wanna take me home?” You smiled with faux innocence, downing your drink before Jeonghan pulled you up and off your seat and out of the club.
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The drive back to his hotel was exhilarating, Jeonghan feeling up your bare thighs while he drove while you leaned over the center console and pressed kisses all over his neck earning you halfhearted warnings. He knows you shouldn't be distracting him like that but he also knows he does not want you to stop, your lips on his neck almost making him lose focus of the road.
Before you knew it, the two of you were back at his hotel room with his lips against yours in a desperate kiss while you were pressed up against the wall. Jeonghan’s hands wandered all over your body, feeling up every inch of your body that he could get his hands on.
“Get me naked Jeonghan,” You let out a sound that was something even more desperate than a whine, but Jeonghan ignored your plea, continuing to attack your lips with his own, enjoying your pretty sounds as you got even more desperate for him to do something.
“On your knees” Jeonghan ordered. A sudden shift in the atmosphere made you freeze. Jeonghan’s voice dropped an octave as he looked at you with lust filled eyes. “I’m not going to repeat myself” You instantly dropped to your knees and looked up at him, locking eyes with his own.
“I’m going to use your throat like a fucking fleshlight. Okay?” Your body buzzed with excitement as you heard that, sure you’ve sucked cock before but never has anyone ever done anything like that. “Squeeze my thigh if you want me to stop” You only nodded enthusiastically and within an instant, he was ridding himself of his pants along with his boxers before he was pressing his hard cock against your open mouth. You eagerly sucked the tip of Jeonghan’s cock into your mouth, and began to tease the slit on the tip of his cock with your tongue. As you sucked his cock into your mouth, you could feel the wetness seeping out of your pussy. You did your best to ignore the urge to just have his cock in you.
Jeonghan roughly pushed you all the way down on his cock making you gag immediately but you were quick to remind yourself to breathe through your nose. Jeonghan was pulling you up on his cock and slamming you back down with no relent. True to his word, he began to use you as if you were nothing but a toy, placing his hands on the sides of your face to get a better grip. His noises filled the room, tumbling out of his mouth in a way that only made you leak more on the floor of the hotel room. His one hand maneuvered to your hair, gripping tight as he began fucking into your mouth with even more force. In no time he was cumming down your throat, pushing your head all the way down his cock until his whole cock hit the back of your throat.
“Get on the bed,” You obliged wordlessly, submitting to Jeonghan and whatever he wants of you. Making yourself comfortable on the bed, you gazed up at Jeonghan, watching as he stared down at you almost as if to mock the way you submit to him so easily.
“Jeonghan-” Before you could finish Jeonghan delivered a light slap to your face. Muttering a small but stern ‘shut up’
"You speak when spoken to," he grits, glaring at you with dark eyes. He presses down on your cheeks, forcing your mouth open, you wince out in pain. “I’m gonna give you your safeword okay?” He didn’t really give you much room to agree before he assigned you a safeword, something easy for both of you to remember. You repeated it back to him to which Jeonghan smiled at your obedience.
“Use it if you need to, okay? I won’t be upset if you do” Only after you nodded in understanding did Jeonghan inch closer to you to rid you of the rest of your clothes. He grinned when he caught a glimpse of your soaked pussy. “So wet already? Just from me fucking your face?” The question was rhetorical the way Jeonghan dropped to his knees, wasting no more time to dig his face between your legs. Dragging his lips between your slit, sucking your arousal onto his tongue.
Tugging his shirt off, he fixes himself back between your legs. Letting out groans against your core, prompting you to moan out yourself. He presses a last kiss to your clit before pulling away. He sits on the edge of your bed. “Sit that pretty pussy on my cock, slut.” And again, you had no will in you to deny anything the man asks of you. Immediately making your way over and straddling his thighs. You take a deep breath before reaching down to guide him in. Feeling your stomach twist as the stretch slowly splits you open. Your eyes shut as you cry out at his thick cock stretching you open. “Why the fuck are you so tight. Holy shit” Jeonghan winces, his own eyes slamming shut at the feeling of your warm walls enveloping him in.
“You’re too big—“ you whine, your head falling down to rest on his shoulder as you slowly begin to move up and down on his cock. But it didn’t go far before Jeonghan was wrapping his hands around your hips and taking over your movements with faster and harder ones of his own.
You let out a string of moans at his intense pace making him chuckle. “Fucking slut. you like that dont you?” he gave a hard thrust, bottoming out inside your cunt. “Like getting fucked like this by a guy you just met, hmm?” You moaned out choruses of ‘yes’ as Jeonghan began rutting up into you. Moving a hand down to rub at your clit, your body jerked as you felt your high incoming.
“Fuck, I’m gonna cum Jeonghan” Your voice came out in a high pitched whine as you rubbed your clit harder, body shaking as Jeonghan fucked you harder to help guide you to the edge. Your eyes roll back as your high hits you and Jeonghan helps you ride it out, not forgetting to kiss you through it too. The two of you with no care in the world for who can hear you. As the high of your orgasm dissipates, he flips you onto your back. He’s close too, you can tell by the way his cock is throbbing inside you and his thrusts turn erratic.
“Cum inside Jeonghan.” You all but begged, Jeonghan moaning out before he also toppled over the edge. Cock throbbing erratically inside you as he emptied ropes of cum inside you. The two of you took a minute to calm your racing hearts before Jeonghan pulled out and flopped down on the bed next to you.
“Holy shit” He huffed, looking over at your smiling face. “Please tell me you’ll give me your number” He was still out of breath and it only made you chuckle, rolling off the bed to pick up your purse from where he he face fucked you moments ago. Fishing out your phone, you unlocked it before handing it to Jeonghan who was nearly knocked out on the bed for him to put his number in and text himself.
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Since the day you two hooked up at Jeonghan’s party, you’d started seeing each other more often. It’s not like you only seeked Jeonghan for your dick appointments. In reality Jeonghan was the one constantly calling and texting for when he can see you again. You won’t say that you minded it though. Sex with Jeonghan is an out of the world experience. Him making you feel highs you have never felt before with any other partner or yourself.
As for Jeonghan? Jeonghan felt nothing short of smitten. Getting into his bed with anyone other than you made the most uncomfortable feeling arise within him and it had been practically days since he last saw you so he had to hit you up.
jeonghan: i miss youuuuuuu jeonghan: hi jeonghan: cmon respondddddddd jeonghan: alright.. what position he got you in???
you: [attachment: 1 video]
You knew Jeonghan didn't expect you to actually send him a video of what position your last hookup had you in, you watched the video back and you couldn't help but get a little ego boost while watching yourself getting fucked by one of your coworkers, Joshua. He had you on all fours, hand gripping onto your waist as he fucked you.
Another thing you couldnt help is noticing how Joshua was not fucking you half as good as Jeonghan does. There's no bruises on your hips, there's no hair pulling, and the worst of all, there's no degradation. One thing about Jeonghan, for someone with such an angelic face, he has the nastiest mouth. It’s not something you're complaining about though, you would never complain about the way Jeonghan treats you in bed.
It wasn’t like Jeonghan was the only guy you could pull, never that. Jeonghan just happened to be one of the best guys you’ve ever slept with. Which might even be the only reason you keep going back to him. Something about the way he treats you just has you always craving more of him- not that you’d ever admit that to him but it was true. Jeonghan might call you all sorts of names in bed, treat you like some common whore, but right after he’ll always clean you up, attempt to hold you close, give you all the reassurance you need for you to know he doesn’t actually think you’re a common whore (not that it matters).
jeonghan: what the fuck man… jeonghan: i’m about to have the saddest wank of my life jeonghan: ^^^woah idk who said that jeonghan: might be the demons idk
you: have fun jeonghan <3
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you: hey, you wanna come play beach volleyball tmrw @3?
seungcheol: hmm seungcheol: i dont think i can make it, seokmin wants to hang.
you: boo you whore.
[seungcheol disliked “boo you whore.”]
If there's one thing you hate, it would be your job. Sitting in the sun for hours on end and staring at people who were obviously having a lot more fun than you were. You thought you could invite Seungcheol so you could play beach volleyball but apparently the universe didn’t want you to enjoy your shift. But that’s when it hit you, you could just invite Jeonghan. Surely he wouldn’t let you down.
you: hey r u free tmrw?
His reply was almost instant.
jeonghan: yea, why?
you: wanna play beach volleyball at the beach i work at?
you: i'm thinking around 3pm
jeonghan: i'm down, which beach is it?
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You saw Jeonghan’s car pull up to the beach almost thirty minutes before your shift was supposed to start, giving you thirty minutes to spare before the rest of your coworkers piled in to start their shifts.
“Hey, Beautiful” Jeonghan called out as he got out of his car, leaning back against it as you approached him. “Hi Handsome,” You smiled back as you watched him give you a once over, looking at you in your work uniform, a simple red bikini with the word ‘LIFEGUARD’ printed on it in white. Jeonghan leaned down so that he could whisper in your ear, “Do you think I can make you cum before your shift?” You nodded, not trusting your voice to do the talking, knowing you’d accidentally moan or whimper out loud.
“Get in the car then”
You didn't need to be told twice, immediately you hopped in the backseat of Jeonghan’s car and he followed suit. There wasn't much time for foreplay so he leans in, connecting your lips eagerly. As if he’s been craving this for years and is finally being satiated. The limited space doesn’t offer much room to maneuver but Jeonghan shifts in between your legs enough to grind his clothed cock against your barely clothed core. The whole situation arousing you beyond belief, about to fuck Jeonghan in the back of his car, parked someplace where anyone could see what was happening inside. You could feel your arousal seeping out of your pussy and staining the seat of your bikini. Moaning out into the kiss you pushed your hips into his own, urging him to do something.
“Jeonghan do something” You urge him in a hushed whisper, barely able to get the words out with the way Jeonghan was grinding into you so deliciously. Jeonghan merely hummed in response, halting his movements to slide down his swim shorts and free his aching cock.
“You realize how much of a slut you are for this hm? Letting me have you like this where anyone can see you, hear you, find out how much of a slut you are for me.” Jeonghan’s gaze was dark, almost mocking you. You let out some sort of groan at his words. A chill running down your spine at the thought of what Jeonghan is gonna do to you. Flashbacks of the first night you spent with him running through your head. Jeonghan was so rough in a way that no one else had ever been with you and you couldn't help but admit that you loved every second of it. Being too absorbed in your thoughts, you couldn’t respond back to jeonghan which earned you a slap across your face. Your cheek stinging at the contact but nonetheless making you clench around nothing. The feeling of your damp swimsuit sticking to your core making you wiggle your hips in discomfort.
“Pay attention to me slut” Jeonghan seethed, wrapping a hand around your throat and putting just enough pressure to have your eyes fluttering shut. “Beg for it if you want it” Another slap to your face, this time it was harder than before. Your eyes tearing up a little before you squeaked out a little ‘please’ Another slap.
“You can do better”
“Please fuck me Jeonghan” You pleaded, a tear running down your cheek at the hit.
“Try again” His voice was softer this time, rubbing his free hand over the spot he just slapped.
“Jeonghan please” you whined. “ Want everyone to hear how good you fuck me please” You begged harder this time, hoping this would be enough for Jeonghan and boy were you right. He pushes the seat of your bikini to the side before repositioning himself and pushing his length into you, moaning in delight as your walls stretch to accommodate his size. You cry out in pleasure, the feeling of finally having Jeonghan in you making more tears roll down your cheeks. He doesn’t take it easy though, keeping a steady, rough rhythm from the start. Pounding you into his backseat while watching you lose yourself in the feeling of him ramming into you. “You love it huh? Tell me how much you love it” You didn’t have it in you to deny it, fully aware of the way you literally begged him for it moments ago.
“I fucking love it Jeonghan” You gasp, his hand reaching down to rub at your clit in harsh circles.
“Does anyone fuck you like i do?” He grunts, rocking his hips into yours harder, as if it was even possible with the way he was fucking you so hard you were positive anyone passing by could see the car visibly shaking.
You shook your head immediately, “No one fucks me like you do” You confirm. Jeonghan hummed, your answer satisfying him enough that he tightened his hand around your neck once again and rubbing your clit with the other hand. The head of his cock fucks into your most sensitive spot and you feel all the thoughts in your head slowly disintegrate. Head full of only Jeonghan. You urgently reached out to grab onto something to steady something, quickly opting for his hand that was wrapped around your neck. You gripped his forearm with both hands, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Your vision goes unfocused as your orgasm hits, letting out weak moans and gasps as the feeling consumes you entirely. Feeling it course through your whole body all the way down to your toes. Your walls constrict around Jeonghan the whole time, urging his own orgasm to hit him fast.
“Gonna cum” Jeonghan warns. His thrusts turn erratic as he lets out a string of guttural groans.
“Inside” You plead, “Need you to fill me up again please Jeonghan” Jeonghan moans loudly at that, your begging pushing him all the way over the edge. His eyes shut tightly and he groans out loudly. His body tensing up as he fills you up entirely.
“Gonna be a good girl and keep that inside you yeah? All your little friends oblivious of the way you just begged me to slut you out” Heat rushed to your cheeks at the way Jeonghan was humiliating you but you agreed either way. Jeonghan’s eyes lit up when you nodded your head with a small smile. He took time to calm down before he slipped out of you wordlessly, ignoring the way you whine at the feeling of emptiness and fixing your bikini bottoms to cover you up again.
After fixing himself up he spoke up again, “Can I kiss you?” Jeonghan asked, rather shyly, his demeanor a stark contrast to the Jeonghan that was pouding you into his backseat moments ago. You chuckled at his sheepishness. “Yes Jeonghan you can kiss me” Your voice was small but he didn’t hesitate to press his lips onto yours once again, this time the kiss was much softer than before. His hands cupping your cheeks as he used his thumbs to wipe your tears.
You pulled away first. “Let’s get going? I think I’m already late”
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“Why the fuck is he here?” Jeonghan muttered from beside you, watching as his teammate, Seungcheol approached your group. Ever the show off, Seungcheol was wearing only a pair of black swim shorts, showing off his toned body for everyone at the beach to see.
You turned to where Jeonghan was looking and lo and behold, there was Choi Seungcheol. You and Seungcheol had….history. Well, not really history but you two have been fucking for a couple months and you were fully aware that he is Jeonghan’s teammate and its not like you were picking out the Ferrari drivers in specific to sleep with. The two of them were the ones who came onto you first.
“Seungcheol?” You gasped, not expecting him to show up after rudely (not really) canceling on you. You felt Jeonghan’s arm tentatively wrap around your waist as Seungcheol approached.
“Hey baby!” Seungcheol grinned, completely ignoring Jeonghan on your side, with his arm obviously wrapped around your waist. You heard Jeonghan mutter a small ‘baby??’ under his breath while continuing to faux nonchalance.
“Hi Cheol! I thought you were gonna hang with Seokmin today?”
“Well, I was, but Seokmin had to meet with Chan today” He shrugged, smiling wider showing off his stunning smile that initially captivated you.
“Oh! Cheol, this is Jeonghan” You were quick to detangle yourself from Jeonghan’s arms, standing awkwardly in between the two men who were finally forced to make eye contact (thanks to you)
“This is the new guy you fuck? Really? Had to be my teammate?” Seungcheol scoffed, losing the smile once adorning his face.
“ Uh yeah, Hannie, this is Seungcheol.”
“The other guy you fuck.”
“Well, yes.”
Jeonghan wasn’t too phased at first, especially considering it was Jeonghan’s cum currently inside you and not Seungcheol’s. Jeonghan sighed before speaking out once again,
“Okay...let’s play ball?”
“Let’s play.” And the three of you set out to join the rest of the group where they played volleyball.
Jeonghan teamed with three of your three coworkers, Soonyoung, Yuta and Xiaojun. While Seungcheol teamed with your other coworkers, Vernon, Jaehyun and Joshua (yes, the same Joshua). You self appointed yourself as the referee for the round because you obviously didn’t want Jeonghan’s cum splattering out of you while you played.
That would not be ideal in front of your coworkers.
As the round started, you noticed that Seungcheol in particular was putting a little too much effort into this, as if he had something to prove. Which you weren’t wrong, he did. He wanted to prove he was way better than Jeonghan at this (among other things.) but Jeonghan was hitting the ball back with little to no effort.
You watched, amused as the two men on the court played as if no one else was around, as if it was a battle and they had to get past each other to make it to the final round. You think it might
You were right, Seungcheol did have something to prove. He wanted to prove that he was the better one out of the two of them, as if it wasn’t Jeonghan’s cum currently in you.
You were pulled out of your thoughts by a LOUD shriek. Only to see that Xiaojun was on the floor, holding his head in his hands while he cried out pathetically.
“Xiaojun what happened!?” You ran towards the man on the floor.
“Seungcheol spiked the ball and it hit Xiaojun’s head” Soonyoung explained hurriedly, jumping in to do a poor attempt of CPR on him (though he’s a lifeguard. You’re not too sure how he got hired in the first place).
“Get off me!” Xiaojun screamed when Soonyoung leaned in to give him mouth-to-mouth.
“I got hit in the head I don’t need CPR idiot”
You did notice though, Seungcheol and Jeonghan were still playing amongst each other, not a clue in the world that they just took Xiaojun out and everyone was crowding around him. Well not anymore, Xiaojun was up and crowded away with Yuta and Soonyoung. You’d assume he was talking mad shit about the man who hit him in the head and didn’t even care to check on him.
Typical Xiaojun.
Also typical Seungcheol.
As the round progressed, Xiaojun and Soonyoung dipped first, going off to get back to their jobs, then Yuta and Jaehyun also went on to do their own things and take care of their shift duties until finally Joshua and Vernon were about to head out too.
“Dude, what the hell is their problem?” Joshua murmured, rolling his eyes at the two men still actively playing ball without noticing the absence of the others.
You shrugged, “They’re both teammates and mad that I’m fucking them both. They both have something to prove to the other” You leaned in closer to whisper to Joshua.
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
jeonghan: hi y/n :) you: hi jeonghan :)
jeonghan: i wanna see you :(
you: aw really?
you: my jeonghannie wants to see me o.O
jeonghan: yes :( jeonghan: please?
You snickered as you hit send on the video. A video of you while you were on your knees for a man whose face was not in the frame. With your lips wrapped around his cock - though unable to fully wrap around him. While you hollow your cheeks, lowering further down. The man grips your hair, holding your head still as you gag around his cock.
“You’re such a good girl, taking me like a champ, princess.” He praises you. Hips bucking forward letting out raspy groans.
That’s when he sees it.
What was it? It was a silver ring with the word ‘Ferrari’ engraved on it adorning the man’s pinky finger, identical to the one on his own.
The same ring that only two people would have. Him and his fuckass teammate.
You fucking sent him a video of you sucking off Seungcheol.
jeonghan: is that who i fucking think it is?? jeonghan: be so fucking fr.
jeonghan: i'm coming over.
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
“Please give it to me, fuck, Jeonghan,” you stuttered, breaking away from the kiss to whine against his lips. He spent much too long rubbing his tip along your slit and you could not stand it anymore, you needed him in you immediately.
“Why don’t you ask Seungcheol hm? I’m sure he’d give you what you want more than I will” His tone was taunting, he was obviously still bitter about the stunt you pulled earlier. Not that it bothered you though, it just made the sex even more exhilarating. To know that Jeonghan is actually bothered by the video made you feel sort of giddy.
You whined when he sunk barely just the tip inside of you before pulling it out again. Your grip in his hair tightening as you felt the need to have him buried deep in you grow more and more. “Wanna cum on your cock. I wanna feel it inside me so badly. Please. Please give it to me.” You whined more, hoping Jeonghan would give in and he did, pushing into you ever so slowly but he made up for it by pressing his lips onto yours again.
“You know I’m not going easy on you tonight, right?” Your lover of the night bottomed out in you, smiling at the way he could see you going dumb on his cock and he hasn't even done anything yet.
“God, I’d hope not”
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
You haven't seen Jeonghan or Seungcheol in two weeks.
Seungcheol has been AWOL but Jeonghan has been texting you nonstop. It was nothing sexual like the first few times he texted you. It was wholesome? Texts full of Jeonghan checking up on you, asking about you, wondering if you had eaten etc.
This time however, Jeonghan texted you something different?
An article.
F1 - Ferrari sealed 1-2 in Silverstone ahead of Kim Mingyu.
you: what the fuck is a 1-2 and why did ur team seal it
jeonghan: i won p1 and seungcheol won p2 jeonghan: party tomorrow jeonghan: ill end the deets. i better see you there
you: wtf?? thats AMAZING jeonghan congrats <33333 you: yeah, send the details ill be there :) you: see you tomorrow!
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
You weren’t used to seeing Jeonghan and Seungcheol in the same setting, not after that hell of a volleyball game. And apparently you won't see them together this time around either because you’ve been at this party for half an hour and have seen every other driver on the grid except the two men you actually wanted to see. You decided you’d just sit at the bar and sip on yet another vodka tonic. You watched the rest of the partygoers drink away and dance together while you sat here miserably waiting to find any of your two fuck buddies.
Until you were pulled from your misery by none other than Seungcheol.
“And why do you look so miserable?” He asked, taking a seat next to you. Your face lit up at his voice, “Cheol!” You grinned for the first time since you got here.
“I’ve been by myself all night, Jeonghan invited me but i haven't seen him anywhere” You shrugged. Seungcheol watched as you downed the rest of your drink before he led you away from the main party area, pulling you into a dim corner.
“You know, I’ve been dreaming about your lips on mine since the last time you came over” Your lips curled into a smirk at that, “Yeah? Are you gonna do anything about it?”
Oh, he was.
Seungcheol angles his head to perfectly lower his lips onto yours. Like any kiss with Cheol, it has you dazed and yearning for more, your fingers gripping at his shirt to pull him as close to you as possible.
You both part for air momentarily,looking into eachothers eyes with equally dazed stares. your heart racing from the thrill of making out with him where anyone could catch the two of you, not that you mind, but you’re sure Seungcheol’s career might. Though the thought doesn't last long until Seungcheol searches for your lips again, pressing his mouth hard against yours with not a care in the world as to who may see you.
Except the only person who saw you was none other than Yoon Jeonghan.
There was no word to describe how upset Jeonghan felt at that moment. You came to a party he invited you to, celebrating mainly him, where he spent an hour looking for you and youre making out with his fuckass TEAMMATE?
There were only two people that could save Jeonghan now.
Mingyu and Seungkwan.
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
After he had to witness you and his teammate down each other’s throats the other day. Jeonghan is on a mission to win you over. There is no way he’ll let Seungcheol of all people get his girl.
Seungcheol wasn’t even looking to settle, Jeonghan was.
According to your two closest friends, Mingyu and Seungkwan, there were 3 things that Jeonghan could do that would win you over. Which happened to do with the 3 things you loved the most.
Music, Food, Sports.
…Well, that was the only input they gave him. He just had to figure the rest of it out himself.
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
First thing: Music.
That was quite…simple? All he had to do was show you his fire music taste!
So the next time he picked you up he’d just blast his tunes in the car and that’d be sure to have you swooning.
Jeonghan rang your doorbell at 7:00pm on the dot. He seemed to have this whole evening planned out and you knew nothing except a text the day before asking if you were free at 7 today and it went on from there. He did specify to dress casual so you wore just a pair of shorts and a black tank top.
“Hey” You smiled wide, opening the door to see an equally casually dressed Jeonghan.
“Hey, you look cute.” You grinned at the compliment, gesturing inside for Jeonghan to come in but instead he just shook his head.
“Let’s go, I’ve got plans for us”
Jeonghan spent a good ten minutes trying to connect his bluetooth to his car, assuring you that you’d love the songs he’s picked out for tonight only to play the most ratchet music you think you’ve ever heard.
“What the hell is this Jeonghan?” You grimaced, appalled by his choice of music
“It’s Mozart!”
“How the fuck does that make it better?”
Jeonghan only sighed and handed you his phone with his music app opened.
“Play whatever you want”
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
Second thing: Food
Jeonghan’s attempt to be…romantic? Was not as successful as you think he’d hoped. His plan was to cook together while sipping wine and have a cute little night.
Cooking with someone was not something you enjoyed.
Jeonghan was on vegetable duty while you were on sauce duty. Though time with Jeonghan was enjoyable, what you did not enjoy was him repeatedly coming in your way while you maneuvered around the kitchen.
“Jeonghan, MOVE” Your frustration reached its max when Jeonghan was hunched over, eyes watery from the onions he was cutting but he was hunched right in the middle of the kitchen, leaving you with no space to pass.
“I CAN’T SEE” He screeched, finding his way over to the sink in an attempt to rinse out his eye.
God, he’s such a dork.
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
The last part of Jeonghan’s plan was to woo you with Sports.
There was no better sport to enjoy with you other than his own! He’ll just invite you to the race this week!
jeonghan: hey jeonghan: you wanna come to the race this weekend? Its in hungary its gonna run friday-sunday but we arrive on thursday jeonghan: tix on me :)
you: wtf?? of COURSE i want to go :O
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
And just like that, you found yourself in a hotel in Hungary on a random Thursday morning. Well, it wasn’t random, you were invited to the Hungarian Grand Prix by none other than Yoon Jeonghan himself.
Speaking of, Jeonghan had asked if you wanted to go explore the village with him on your off day and who were you to deny an offer like that? So here you were, rushing your makeup at 9 in the morning. Jeonghan was supposed to come to your room at about 9:30 so you have less than thirty minutes to be ready and out the door.
Jeonghan showed up at your hotel room at 9:30 on the dot, wearing a variant of an outfit youve seen him wear a million times, baggy jeans with an oversized shirt. True Jeonghan fashion you’d say.
“Good morning beautiful” He greeted, walking into your hotel room and closing the door behind him before backing you up against the wall.
“Good morning handsome” You can't lie and say you didn't internally cringe at that, no matter how true the words actually were. Jeonghan himself grimaced, his face centimeters away from your own “Never say that again please”
You rolled your eyes, “God forbid a woman try complimenting a man for once”
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
You and Jeonghan spent all day exploring the city. Going from coffee shop to coffee shop, spending hours walking aimlessly around and even checking out the track. You enjoyed Jeonghan’s company more than you’d like to admit. Jeonghan was a witty guy. He was funny, hot, really fucking good in bed but most of all he was genuine. That’s one thing you loved about Jeonghan that Seungcheol didn’t have. Where Jeonghan’s intentions with you were clear as day, Seungcheol? You were not too sure what the fuck his intentions were with you.
You knew you weren’t technically supposed to dig this deep into either of them. After all, they were just your fuckbuddies, people you only saw when you were horny and needed release but you still couldn't help but feel more drawn to Jeonghan than you did Seungcheol.
Jeonghan was a genuinely good person whose company you actually enjoyed and you knew he did enjoy yours too. Seungcheol however ignored all your texts until he was the one that needed release and you didn’t have a problem with that until now. Until Jeonghan brought it up.
“You know, I really like spending time with you. Aside from the sex” It came from out of the blue when the two of you were walking back to your hotel.
“So the sex just sucks huh?” You looked at him with a mischievous grin
“You know that’s not what i meant”
“I know, I really enjoy spending time with you too Jeonghan” He smiled at that, pulling you closer by the hip until you were pressed right by his side. The two of you walked in a comfortable silence until he spoke up again.
“You know, you should stop seeing Seungcheol”
You chuckled, this wasn’t the first time Jeonghan has hinted towards how much he doesn’t like you fucking his teammate.
“Yeah, okay”
“I'm serious! It might have to do with the fact im like fucking obsessed with you or the fact that I know Seungcheol doesn’t want you like I do but I swear, the way i want you does not compare to the way he wants you” Your eyebrows raised at that, you knew you prefer Jeonghan over Seungcheol but hearing him tell you why you should pick him over Seungcheol is just all the more satisfying.
“Why do you think so?”
“Because-!” He groaned, rubbing his face with his hands, not wanting to tell you how much he wants you. How he stays up thinking about how it’d be if you were his.
“Because I like you beyond the sex, I want a relationship with you. I don’t wanna have to share you with anyone because I’m greedy and I want you for myself. I wanna show you off as mine without anyone else coming in the way. I want you Y/N”
You stopped in your tracks, prompting him to stop with you as well. “You want to date me?”
“Really fucking bad. Please let me?”
“Okay” You nodded, acting nonchalant on the outside when you were actually going fucking insane on the inside. “I’ll be your girlfriend but only if you ask me out properly” Jeonghan all but jumped for joy, screaming a couple choruses of “YES!!”
“Y/N, light of my life, will you please be my girlfriend?” he playfully rolled his eyes
“I’d love to!” you smiled wide, his own smile mirroring yours before he leaned in to kiss you sweetly, in the middle of a street in Mogyoród.
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
The next morning, Seungcheol was just doing his normal pre race rituals when all of a sudden he heard an awful lot of giggling just outside of his room.
What the hell could be so funny right before a race?
He swung his door open only to see Jeonghan sitting on the couch while you sat on his lap, one leg on either side of him while the two of you smooched away like a couple of highschoolers on their first date.
“I think I can come P1 today! After All, I have my beautiful girlfriend here to cheer me on” Jeonghan teased, cupping your face so he can press yet another kiss to your lips.
“Yeah? Good luck out there boyfriend. I’ll be cheering for you”
Girlfriend??? Boyfriend??? Since fucking when? The last time Seungcheol remembers, you were not looking for anything close to even a situationship, let alone a relationship.
That kinda explains it too, you’d been too busy with your stupid boyfriend to return any of his calls or texts for the past few days too. This is exactly why Seungcheol hated couples. Gross.
Screw Yoon Jeonghan, he stole his girl in plain sight.
Well, not really his girl. Realistically Seungcheol was just tryna hit. Much like yourself until you met Yoon fucking Jeonghan.
Cheol knew he wasn't all that upset about the situation but he had to mess with Jeonghan just for the fun of it and man was he geeked.
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
You couldnt fucking believe what you were seeing. Today was the day of the first two free practices and the only two drivers on the track who were not behaving were none other than your very own.
Normally, Jeonghan and Seungcheol would stay very…civil during their races but something was off today. Jeonghan was minding his business, leading the race like he usually does until in comes Choi Seungcheol and overtakes him.
So naturally, Jeonghan starts to speed up and get back in the lead. Which lasts maybe a minute until in comes Choi fucking Seungcheol again and runs him off the track.
What the hell was Seungcheol’s problem today?
The race continued to be a mess of Seungcheol messing with Jeonghan, overtaking him then running him off the track and repeating it. You could tell Jeonghan was getting frustrated. Hell, even you were getting frustrated.
Did Seungcheol find out about you and Jeonghan?
God, you’d hope this wasn't the result of Seungcheol’s…jealousy? There really wasn't anything to be jealous about on his end but still, if it was, that’s not okay and you were going to speak to him about it. The race went on like that, with Cheol repeatedly provoking Jeonghan and Jeonghan fighting back. You could hear the chattering of the people around you talking about the two of them and how it was ‘so odd that they’re acting this way!’
As expected, Jeonghan came P1 and Seungcheol came P3. P2 was none other than your best friend, Boo Seungkwan! The race went surprisingly well after the second to last lap and continued to trail behind Jeonghan who was in P1.
“Jeonghan!” You squealed, embracing him in the tightest hug possible but immediately pulling away when you made contact with his sweaty body.
“Baby” He whined, pulling you back into his embrace, ignoring your noises of protest. You gave up the fight without much convincing, hugging him back tight and congratulating him over and over.
“Wait, I’ll be back.”
You excused yourself from Jeonghan and went on to find the one and only..
“Choi Seungcheol!” You muttered, aggressively making your way over to the ever so sweaty man sipping away at his Hydrorace water bottle.
“Hey gorgeous” He cheekily smiled at you, pulling the straw away from his lips. You scoffed, annoyed by how calm he seemed after what he pulled out on the track today.
“Don’t ‘hey gorgeous’ me, what the hell was that on the track today? You know either one of you could have gotten hurt, right?” You were practically fuming.
“You know I'm smart enough to not let either of us get hurt out there right?” He mimicked your tone. Whatever he said didn’t matter in the moment, you were too heated to even think straight.
“Talk to me when you’ve calmed down, Y/N.” And with that, he walked away from you.
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
It was finally time for confrontation.
You pulled out your phone camera to make sure you look decent enough to confront Seungcheol. Once you made sure you looked okay, you tucked it away in your back pocket. Taking a deep sigh before knocking on Seungcheol’s hotel room, waiting for him to open the door. “Hey, Cheol…” You greet hesitantly, stepping inside and closing the door behind you, locking it shut just in case.
“Y/n…it’s so nice to see you!” Seungcheol smiled bitterly. “After you practically blew up on me in front of everyone today.” His fake ass smile dropped.
You grimaced, hiding your face in embarrassment. “Don’t be like that, I just want to apologize.” You offered a small smile.
“Delta time can be time too late, Y/N.”
If there was an embodiment of a question mark, it would be you right now. “You know I don't understand when you use racing speak, Seungcheol.”
“Delta time…anyway, just, don’t worry about it. I know you made your choice. Especially by the way you just full-named me. ”
“Cheol-”
“We had a good run, yeah? don’t worry about it.” He smiled, “This doesn’t mean I don’t want to be friends though you know. I just want you to be happy even if it’s not with me and with my…teammate.” You could sense the lack of sincerity at the end. Seungcheol was not happy about this and you knew that.
“Thank you Cheol” You smiled, opening your arms and offering him a hug which he gladly accepted, engulfing you in the most warm hug you’ve ever received from him.
It wasn’t easy to let Cheol go but you had to do this for Jeonghan.
You were the first to pull away from the hug. You gave him a smile before turning on your heels.
“See you at the race on Sunday?”
“You know it.”
────────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────────
“It’s just me and you baby” Jeonghan breathed against your lips, pinning you up against the wall and relishing in the way you sigh out in relief when he finally presses his lips to yours. “Be as loud as you want love”
Jeonghan knew damn well it was not just the two of you, somewhere in one of the stalls was Seungcheol. He was about to walk out when he heard you and Jeonghan at the door and ran into a stall to avoid being caught.
“Please Jeonghan” You whimpered when he pulled away to trail his lips down your neck, “Touch me, please?”
“I am touching you”
“Jeonghan” Your voice raises a pitch. Jeonghan can’t stand it, he loves how your squirm and whimper, so desperate to get fucked by him. Something in him loves how pretty you sound when you beg, especially when you scream his name with your eyes rolling back into your head.
“Please, please fuck me…”
“Shut up.” He groans, proceeding to jackhammer two fingers inside of you. You yelped in surprise, leaning back onto the wall, gripping onto Jeonghan’s arm to hold yourself up. Jeonghan’s other hand trails up and covers your eyes. Hold around your head tight, leaving you more vulnerable to his ministrations.
“I want your cock Jeonghan, please” He loved that your noises were getting louder but he knew that when you finally got his cock you’d be even louder. Just what he wants for your little audience. Jeonghan halts his fingers in you and smears the wetness all over your aching pussy.
“Pussy’s so wet for me, know why?” Jeonghan smirks, “Cause you’re a fucking slut, and all sluts know how to do is take cock.” And without warning, he glides the entirety of his length in at the same time and you were left gasping at the stretch.
“J-Jeonghan..” you moaned loud, “You’re so fucking big. Oh my fucking God.” Jeonghan chuckled, setting a brutal pace from the start. You could never get tired of fucking Jeonghan, every time with Jeonghan bringing you to a new wave of euphoria even you couldnt fathom.
“Yeah? Who fucks you this good huh?” Jeonghan wrapped his hand, previously covering your eyes around your throat and applying just enough pressure to make you see stars. “You, Jeonghan! Only you can fuck me this good” His thrusts were sloppy but they were so hard and deep. Tears rolled down your cheeks with every thrust as your body buzzed with pleasure.
“Good fucking girl” He praised, “You’re so good to me aren’t you?” You couldn’t respond. You don’t think you had it in you to say anymore. Just letting moan after moan leave your lips as you writhed under his hold.
He pressed a soft kiss to your lips, smiling at the way you attempted to kiss him back.
“My pretty girl, only mine.”
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#so the past few days i have been on maybe a down swing w both my mental+physical health#bc ive managed to eat the exact minimum amount of calories necessary for my meds bc everything makes me sick#but nothing is more motivation to choke shit down&keep it there than the idea of rebounding from missing my fucking meds LMAO#anyway my energy levels have been on par w that of a sickly sloth for the past couple days bc of it#&that+everything else is not like. GREAT for my mental state. lmao.#&like i just got the remainder of the root removed from that tooth i yanked out of my fucking head a million years ago lmao#&i am once again reminded of the fact that-- truly-- there IS a force out there somewhere that wants me to fucking starve to death. lmao.#... its probably karma. lmao.#no matter what i Do Not appreciate it.#my four week review is up this week for the new meds&i need to sit down+do an honest workup on how ive felt&w/e so i dont go in blind#but the idea of doing one makes my head hurt lmao.#the one upside to all this is that of the ~15 foods recd for me to eat one is ice cream&another is malts#so maybe once i cry unreasonably thru a chocolate malt like a pussy ill be in a better place for that LMAO.#... i wanted to be a dentist when i was like five&obv that didnt stick (lmao) but it did assure that i was never afraid of the dentist#&i thought about that stroke of luck a couple times today lmao so it could definitely be worse. 🤷🏾♀️
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