#motion in a plane exam fear

[just-another-blog-of-fluff]

A Game of Jealousy

Word count: 4050

This one is focused more from Loki's perspective, lots of fluff (and tickles!) Guest starring Bucky 😎

* * *

Loki never needed anyone to make him happy. He’d spent the better part of his life on his own, learning to rely on himself and not others for comfort. He’d been lied to his entire life by his parents, and while his relationship with his brother was at least improving gradually over time, he still remained very guarded, afraid that anyone he let in would only hurt him the way everyone else in his life had done. No, Loki felt he was better off alone.

That is, until he met you.

You had joined the team about a year ago, just a few months after Loki himself had finally given in to his brother’s persistent requests for him to move into the Avengers tower. The others were polite enough, but Loki could still sense the fear and anger in their eyes when they looked his way. Thor insisted they would warm up to him over time if he’d just try to be more sociable, but it was difficult to bring himself to want to spend time with people who burned holes into his soul with their eyes.

The day you had arrived to move into the tower to join the team, your few belongings in hand, his curiosity was piqued almost instantly. Steve had showed you around that first day, introducing you to all the members of the team. Loki had been in the study, reading in one of the oversized armchairs Tony had furnished the place with, when he saw Steve walking by the doorway with you in tow. You’d paused for a moment, taking a few paces backward to peek inside the room, eyes trained on Loki. He had braced himself for the inevitable exclamation of surprise and fear when you realized that you were living in the same building as the monster who tried to take over the city.

But it never came. You had merely smiled at him, waving in greeting, and introduced yourself as you would with anyone else. Even when he told you his name, your eyes lit up in recognition, but without an ounce of fear. You had hurried along to catch up with Steve after expressing your pleasure to have met him, a slight bounce in your step as you disappeared from sight.

He couldn’t deny it – he was intrigued by you.

Loki’s interest only grew as he began to get to know you more over the next couple of months. The first day he had seen you working with Natasha in the training room, you had impressed him with your grit and determination, not to mention the graceful ferocity with which you fought. And you were smart, too. He’d never forget the day Tony was teasing you, and you’d come up with such a witty retort that even Tony had to applaud you.

Unfortunately, Loki wasn’t the only one in the tower who had started noticing you.

As you became more integrated with the team, the others began to get more physically affectionate toward you. You spent a lot of time with Wanda, often leaning against her on the couch as you watched TV or giving her hand a squeeze when one of you was excited about something. Steve often put a comforting hand on your shoulder after a rough day of training or patted your back in encouragement when you came back from a successful mission. The friendly gestures never bothered Loki to any significant degree.

But there were other team members, notably single team members, whose advances tended to irk him more than the others. Thor was one of the worst offenders, as it was in his nature to wrap any one of his friends into a giant bear hug whenever he saw them. Bucky often liked to push your buttons, teasing you and egging you on until you’d start play wrestling with him on the couch. Even Bruce, on occasion, would wrap an arm around you in a side hug and squeeze you against his side for a moment in silent thanks whenever you’d help him with something in the lab.

He wasn’t jealous, of course. He just… wished they’d give you more personal space sometimes.

You were physically affectionate with Loki as well, which took some time for him to get used to at first. Once Loki started swallowing his pride and began initiating conversations with you instead of waiting for you to talk to him, the two of you became fast friends. He found he didn’t mind it when you squeezed his arm after a jump scare during team movie night, or if you rested your head on his shoulder on a long plane ride home from a mission. Dare he say… he even enjoyed it a bit. Recently, he’d developed enough confidence to initiate physical contact with you himself – giving you a quick hug goodnight when walking you to your room after a late-night conversation or resting his hand on your knee when sitting side by side on the couch.

Yes, you were someone he was willing to tolerate.

One evening, Loki was wandering through the compound, trying to find a quiet place to sit and read. Normally he lounged in the study, but it seemed Peter had overtaken the room with his schoolbooks as he studied frantically for one of his final exams the next day, and he showed no signs of leaving. He decided it would be easiest just to read in his room tonight but decided to swing by the kitchen to grab a glass of water before making his way back there.

As he paced down the hallway, a sound coming from the common room captured his attention. He drew near enough to the door to elucidate that it was your bright, infectious laughter that he was hearing. His heart swelled at the sound. Loki very much enjoyed making you laugh, often telling you embarrassing stories of Thor from their childhood, or otherwise whispering inappropriate jokes in your ear during team meetings, just so he could hear you snort before erupting with giggles. He reached the common room and stood in the doorway, trying to identify the cause for your hysterics.

You and Bucky were sitting on the large sofa in the common room. Although, admittedly, you couldn’t really call it sitting. You were leaning away from the super soldier, giggling frantically and swatting at his hands as he wiggled his fingers into your sides.

“Buckyhyhy! Cut it out!” you ordered, grasping at his wrists. Bucky’s agile hands evaded yours, poking and prodding at your belly and sides.

“What? What’s the matter? I thought you said you weren’t ticklish,” he teased, squeezing gently above your kneecaps, and eliciting a squeal.

A pang of jealousy stung in Loki’s chest. He had discovered your ticklishness a few months ago himself, having accidentally jabbed you a bit too gently in the side during an impromptu sparring session. When he dug his fingers into your torso with more intent, you had shrieked and laughed, but hadn’t pushed away as hard as he knew you could. He interpreted it as you enjoying the playfulness, or at least not minding it all that much. Since then, he had experimented on occasion, proudly discovering over time that you were definitely most sensitive right along your ribs where your back and sides met. He delighted in the silly, giggly mess you became when he scribbled his fingers into that spot, practically melting into his side as your muscles weakened with laughter.

Now, watching you and Bucky as he tested out your vulnerable spots, he felt his throat tighten a bit. He knew he had to find a way to interrupt this little exchange without letting on how he was really feeling inside. Luckily, the God of Mischief knew how to tell a good lie, and above all he most definitely knew how to spin a partial truth.

“You’re doing it wrong, Barnes,” he called into the room, leaning with his forearm propped against the doorway. Both you and Bucky glanced up at him, Bucky’s fingers slowing a bit against the back of your knee but not quite stopping.

“L-Lokihihi! Help!” you pleaded, a bright smile on your face, cheeks tinged with the exertion of your laughter. His heart skipped a bit at the request, proud that you would seek his assistance to escape the winter soldier. But he had to hold firm in his resolve. He couldn’t let you think he was soft for you, after all.

“Now, why would I want to do that? It’s so entertaining to watch you squirm.” He flashed you an evil grin, slowly striding into the room. “Move over, Barnes. Allow me to demonstrate.”

Bucky obliged, an equally mischievous smirk on his face. “Please, do tell!”

Loki motioned to you to scoot closer to Bucky so he could sit on your other side, gently pushing you over when you refused to make space for him on your own accord. You were now sandwiched between him and the super soldier, glancing nervously between the two men. In a desperate attempt to escape, you suddenly leapt to your feet to make a run for the door. Loki predicted your movement, his hands pulling you back down by your waist before you could even fully stand up.

“Ah, ah! You won’t be going anywhere, darling,” Loki teased, holding you in place while he leaned around you to look at Bucky. He ignored your desperate protests in favor of keeping you trapped there beside him. “Now then. First, you must understand that you won’t be able to access her worst spot until you weaken her adequately. Personally, I enjoy beginning right here.” He slid his hands slid around your waist to your belly, fingers drumming tauntingly against your T-shirt. Loki felt your muscles stiffen immediately under his touch, which made him grin.

“Loki! What the hell! Why are you helpihiHING HIHIHIM?” Your scolding of your mischievous friend was made much less intimidating as giggles bubbled from your lips once again, Loki’s fingers having sprung into action, expertly skimming across your belly. Your hands closed around his wrists and tugged to try to remove them from your sensitive torso, but Loki maintained his hold on you.

“Ah, yes, I see that is quite effective,” Bucky noted somberly, his eyes flashing. “Please, continue to show me your ways.”

“Notice that she will continue to fight you when you tickle her here, but trust that her laughter is slowly beginning to weaken her,” Loki continued, conversing casually as if he weren’t torturing you. “However, if you aren’t cautious-“

“Ha!” you shouted triumphantly, having twisted out of his grip and jumped to your feet.

“-she may find a way to escape.”

“That is unfortunate,” Bucky lamented. “What do you suggest if that were to occur?”

“No! No suggestions!” you demanded, defiantly holding out a hand toward the boys to protect yourself. Loki raised his eyebrows, looking up at you with a serious expression, although he was unable to prevent a smirk from pulling at the corners of his lips. You appeared so much more composed on the battlefield and in the training room – seeing you so disheveled, yet still with an involuntary smile on your face, made a thrill run through Loki’s chest.

“If she does escape,” Loki continued, completely disregarding your protests, and trying desperately not to start laughing at your adorably indignant expression, “you simply need to ensure you have a backup plan. Catch her off guard, if you will. Like this-“

Taking advantage of his inhuman speed, he lunged forward and grabbed your leg just behind your knee, causing your leg to buckle unexpectedly beneath you. He chuckled as he watched you stumble a bit on your other leg to try to remain standing but couldn’t maintain your balance and toppled to the floor. Loki swiftly took advantage of your bewilderment at finding yourself suddenly on the ground, standing up and grabbing hold of your ankle.

“Now, you won’t find her worst spot on her legs or feet, but she is most definitely still sensitive here – this can serve to weaken her resolve further,” Loki continued, fully aware that he was causing a blush to rise in your cheeks now as he tugged on your ankle to straighten your leg, yanking you onto your back. You began cursing at him, which he quickly silenced by dusting his fingertips across the sole of your trapped foot. He had discovered this spot a few weeks ago, when you had refused to move your legs to allow him a place to sit. Not to be deterred, he had plopped himself down atop your shins, grinning at you as he had tested your reaction to his fingers dragging up the bottoms of your feet. The frenzied giggles this elicited from you were some of his favorites, only encouraging him to want to continue with the torment.

“But what about her knees? Will that help to weaken her resolve?” Bucky queried, smirking down at you as you shot him a glare.

“Allow me to show you,” Loki obliged, his hand moving to scratch against the delicate underside of your knee. You snorted, then, and he nearly broke his façade by laughing aloud. He experimentally pinched your calf muscle gently, just below your knee, and was not disappointed by your sudden violent jerking of your leg away from his touch. “Ah, a new weak spot. You see, even being an expert at tormenting our little friend, you can still learn something new.” Loki was speaking to Bucky but kept his eyes trained on you, smirking as you beat your fist against the floor in protest.

“I thought wehehe were friends!!” you cried through your laughter. Feeling somewhat merciful, Loki paused his torture and lowered your leg back to the ground, offering you a hand up.

“I apologize, darling; are you tired of this?” Loki asked, holding a hand down to you in offering to help you to your feet. He kept his hand outstretched as you sat up on the floor, your eyes fixed on his, brows furrowed as if trying to decipher whether he was tricking you. Hesitantly, you took his hand. Your skin was pleasantly warm against his own, which almost made him regret what he was about to do.

Almost.

No sooner had your feet rooted onto the ground beneath you did he grab hold of your arm, spinning you around and wrapping both arms tight around your waist. He wasted no time dragging you backward so your back was flush against his chest, his ticklish touch making its way to your lower ribs. You let out a shriek, followed by rambunctious belly laughter. He relished in the feeling of your giggles vibrating against his chest as he tightened his grip around your waist, holding fast against your desperate thrashing.

“If you can convince the girl to trust you,” he continued, having to speak loudly to be heard over your squealing, “an unwise decision, honestly,” he added, his voice rumbling low in your ear, “you may be able to trick her into falling into your trap.” You screamed his name as he walked his fingers agonizingly slowly up your ribcage, your fingers hooking around his wrists and pulling desperately at his hands.

“An excellent tip, thanks for that,” Bucky teased. You whined at his words, which somehow only made your laughter even more adorable. Loki had the sudden urge to squeeze you tighter and nuzzle his nose into your neck, but he thought that you might interpret such a gesture as a flirtatious advance, and he didn’t want to spoil this little game.

At this point you were doubled over, hands weakly tugging at Loki’s fingers as your muscles began to fatigue. Loki could sense that you were leaning more and more of your weight on his arms as you tired, forcing him to tighten his grip even further to keep you from collapsing onto the floor. He slowed his torment a bit, allowing you a moment to rest. You gasped for air, your chest heaving under his forearms with every breath.

“Notice, Barnes, that she has weakened considerably by this point,” Loki explained, continuing under the ruse of showing Bucky how to torture you. “It is only at this level of exhaustion that you will be able to target her one true weak spot.”

Loki felt you jolt at his suggestion, twisting your torso as much as you could in his vice-like grip to look back at him, wide-eyed. You shook your head, pleading with him. He hardened his expression, albeit with some difficulty as he was struggling to wipe the smile off his face, and he splayed his fingers across your ribs so his fingertips rested just along that overly sensitive spot near your back on each side. You were already giggling, bracing yourself for the inevitable torment that was to come.

“Ahahahaha… please Loki, you dohohon’t have to do thihihis!” you begged, pouting at him. Loki couldn’t help but laugh at that, his heart melting at your tiny frown and protruding bottom lip. For a moment, he considered releasing you. But then again, he was getting drunk off of your sweet laughter, and he wasn’t ready for it to stop.

“Sorry, love – I have to show Barnes how to tickle you properly,” he lamented, a faux sympathetic smile on his lips. Before you could beg him once more and break his resolve, he went in for the kill, fingers drilling into the crevices between your ribs. You screeched, torso jerking in his grip for a moment before going limp as you accepted your fate. Loki knew exactly how to tickle you, his fingers expertly vibrating against your ribcage until your laughter became silent. He finally relented after that, loosening his hold so you could catch your breath but not releasing you yet.

With his arms loosened, he could lean around to get a better view of your face. Your cheeks were bright, small tears of mirth collecting in the corners of your eyes. You still had a smile plastered across your face, so wide it caused your nose to scrunch up the tiniest bit. Loki’s heart fluttered at the sight of you, pleased that he had been the cause of your giddy laughter.

“That was an excellent demonstration,” Bucky observed, winking at you as you groaned. “Could I give it a go?”

Loki hesitated, and you stiffened, already arguing with the super soldier. He had anticipated this might occur, given he was supposedly teaching Bucky how to tickle you ‘correctly.’ Still, the idea of having to watch Bucky’s fingers skittering over your belly or scribbling into your knees made his throat burn with jealousy. If he refused, though, he would almost surely give away his feelings.

Reluctantly, though he hid it well, Loki motioned for Bucky to take his place behind you, releasing you only once Bucky’s arms snaked around your waist. Your pleas for mercy were quickly drowned out by your laughter once again as Bucky’s fingers spidered along your ribcage.

“You weren’t kidding – this is much more effective,” Bucky noted, your resolve already weakened from the prior bout of torment. Loki watched as you leaned involuntarily backward into the winter soldier, your head resting back against his shoulder as you submitted to his ticklish onslaught. Loki’s fingers contracted into a tight fist at his side, willing himself not to intervene and give away his displeasure. But damn it, if watching Bucky’s fingers exploring your ticklish sides wasn’t setting a fire in his belly. It felt as though someone had grabbed hold of his heart in his chest and was squeezing it painfully tightly in their clutches.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

Knowing you wouldn’t appreciate if he lashed out at your friend, Loki placed a firm hand on Bucky’s forearm, urging him to stop without saying a word. Confusion etched itself into Bucky’s features as he stilled his fingers against your sides, his grip around you loosening. Your eyes were shimmering with exertion as you looked up at Loki pleadingly.

“I believe she has had enough for today,” Loki stated sternly. He took a step toward the two of you, swiftly scooping you up bridal style in his arms without a second thought. You let out a squeak of surprise as your feet left the ground, your arms instinctively reaching up to wrap around Loki’s neck to stabilize yourself. He turned back around with you in his arms, looking Bucky in the eye. “I’ll be taking her now, thank you.”

Bucky held Loki’s gaze, his face contorting from confusion to surprise, then finally to a knowing smirk. He nodded in approval, waving him off nonchalantly as he returned to his original seat on the couch and turned on the television. Loki carried you out of the room, a fuzzy warmth spreading through his chest as you began to giggle once again, leaning your head into his shoulder.

He arrived at your room, opening the door with his magic so as not to risk dropping you, then turned to avoid striking your head on the doorframe as he carried you inside. Carefully, he set you down on your bed. You sat up, your legs dangling off the edge of the bed as you smiled up at him.

“Your savior has rescued you from the winter soldier’s clutches,” Loki teased, smirking.

“Excuse me – my savior? If I recall, you were the one who nearly tickled me to death,” you retorted, playfully shoving him as he sat down beside you on the bed.

“You enjoyed every minute of it, love,” he smirked, giving you a swift poke in the side to make you jump. You smirked back at him with mischief in your eyes.

“You know, I know exactly what you were doing back there.” Something in your calculated gaze made Loki’s heartbeat quicken ever so slightly.

“Is that so? And what is it you think I was doing?” Loki asked, trying to keep his tone casual and sarcastic to avoid giving himself away. You leaned closer to him, bravely holding his gaze.

“You were jealous of Bucky,” you declared. “You couldn’t stand to see him with his hands on me, even when it was as innocent as tickling. You don’t think I noticed?”

Loki opened his mouth to retort, but for quite possibly the first time in his life, the silver-tongued god was at a loss for words. You maddeningly perceptive thing. You’d seen straight through his little façade and into his heart. Your eyes glowed with the triumph of having silenced the God of Mischief with just a simple observation.

“Do you deny it?” you queried, your grin expanding. Loki sighed, recognizing he’d been caught.

“No, love. I can’t deny it.”

“Good.” Your hand reached up to touch his cheek, leaning forward and pressing your lips against his. The shock of your sudden advance was quickly replaced by elation, and Loki kissed you back fervently. His hands found your waist, gently grasping your hips with enough weight in his touch to keep from tickling you. He felt you smile sweetly against his lips. When you finally broke away, Loki lifted his hands to cup your face, resting his forehead against yours. “Now then – I believe I’m owed some payback for the torture you just put me through…”

“Oh, really?” Loki raised his eyebrows at you, grinning playfully. “And how do you intend to execute such revenge?”

“Hmm… Maybe I’ll just take a page out of your book.” The mischief in your eye reminded him uncannily of himself. He suddenly felt your delicate fingers squeezing into his side, making him jolt. Your face lit up with pure joy as you witnessed his reaction.

Oh, he couldn’t be having that.

His arms were wrapped around you in a flash, dragging you into his chest and leaning backward until you were lying on top of his chest in his arms, eliciting a squeal. He leaned in close, his lips right beside your ear.

“Darling, you don’t want to be doing that.”

The room was soon filled with your frantic giggles once again. But this time, you really didn’t try to get away. Because in all honesty, he was right before – you loved every minute of it.

[siriusmydeer]

my pretty witch

james potter x fem!reader

summary: james shows you how beautiful your body is.

word count: 2.8k

warnings: soft dom!james, sub!reader, fingering, fem!receiving oral, body insecurities, self doubt, missionary, penetration, marking, daddy kink, kissing, praise, mentions of sickness, wolfstar mention <3

note; requested.

the birds were singing, the sun was glowing, it was the most memorable saturday of the spring season.

students were speaking amongst themselves as the birds were increasingly chirping and the glinting sun that was only visible hanging planet in the sky that was emitting shimmering rays upon the two girls sitting amongst themselves. the faint gust of wind peering as subtle background noise whilst the rest of the courtyard was trifling around on the weekend.

“'m not sure lils, i just feel— it’s hard to explain.” you began to explain with an expression of embarrassment starting to linger on your face, a simple yet prying conversation amongst the ginger whilst you both sat upon the fresh-cut grass upon the millions of acres that belonged to hogwarts.

students of hogwarts were fairly spaced out upon the yard, as well as corridors and the library with madame pince no doubt hurrying them away to keep the tranquility rather in unbroken, as it was one of the first warm days for weather since the scotland air was filled with ivory flecks that completely covered the viridescent grounds.

almost no gryffindor peers around only the two of you insight. james, remus, peter, and sirius had all made their way closer to the quidditch pitch the minute they left breakfast; mainly so james could practice alongside sirius, and they could prance around the pitch on their brooms like first years who had just learned how to fly, as remus and peter watched. mainly peter, remus had cracked open his most latest read as soon as he sat upon the stands whilst faintly blushing from time to time at sirius’ winks and irritatingly pleasant wolf whistles.

what you hadn’t known was james leaving his mates with each other slightly earlier than expected in a quest for his girlfriend.

he had a glistering grin formed on his lips after catching sight of you speaking amongst lily. he was ready to parade over to you and boast about his newest quidditch tricks he had learned whilst sitting upon your lap ruining the serene aura that swarmed around your conversation with the ginger.

the deviant sun flickered delicate rays over your figure, to james you were effortlessly gleaming in the golden hues that radiated upon your skin.

his girl.

how could someone be so utterly beautiful?

the only thing diminishing his smile from the apex of his lips was when he was close enough to catch wind of your conversation with the gryffindor.

“i don't want him to think ‘m disgusting or anything! i just— i have stretch marks and stuff. i don't wanna be unappealing or something.” you whined following a groan whilst tilting your head back, covering your eyes at the slowly sinking sun radiating into your irises.

lily gaped at you befuddled before speaking, “but i mean, you’ve had sex before—” she spoke rather boisterously, you rapidly took the palm of your hand, clutching it over her mouth before she removed it and continued speaking, “and he's never been ‘disgusted’ or anything prior.” she finished in a whisper at your widen eyes; your face contorting into fear, afraid someone had heard what she said.

“’m just nervous that just because he doesn't express anything, doesn't mean he doesn't think it.” you chewed heavily at the skin of your peeling lips before applying a fresh layer of chapstick to the chapped cushions.

the awareness of your pending stress began to become overwhelming in your veins as you expressed your concerns to lily.

the bespectacled boy less than ten feet away from you tremendously creased his features in bewilderment, his face almost permanently contorting into a grueling grimace. did he ever do anything to make you think you were undesirable to him? you were quite literally an angelic essence that roamed the acres of hogwart’s at every waking moment of the day, it was like he had won the lottery, (something muggle-like you had mentioned to him) when you had agreed to go on a date with him.

and now you suspected something he couldn't even imagine in a nightmare.

he stayed a moment longer, listening to you drone on upon the fact he might've found you horrid or repelling. his psyche opting to trudge back to the gryffindor towers where he had originally planned to meet with you after your meet-up with lily.

what decision could've reveled in your mind to decide that he might've thought grueling thoughts on the certain aspects of your psychical appearance that he particularly found beautiful. your personality was captivating, of course. but that didn't mean he wouldn't bore his eyes into your figure trying to memorize every micro-detail of you and your features. any juncture of time he had with you he would spend adorning every aspect of you, when you happen to be separated he would spend his mind fulfilling images of you.

there wasn't one moment where he wasn't thinking of you.

and there wasn't one singular nanosecond he didn't think you weren't a goddess walking the earth.

even before you had brushed your teeth on particularly rough mornings before classes when the mangled tuffs of your hair that clung to your roots before brushing it, even when you were blowing your nose and heaving the tissues onto the ground when you were adamantly sick and you couldn't even whiff the most pungent scents; you were angelic.

so how in merlins name would you think so negatively of yourself?

james proceeded to haul his legs in pacing motions across the floor whilst he awaited your presence in the vermillion stricken common room. his thoughts overwhelming him on the mere thought of you and your psyche negatively impacting every nook and cranny of your mind-- which he would opt to remove any moment he got the chance to.

at the tumble of his limbs moving around the common room he heard a similar pair of footsteps enter the common room, “you alright, love?” you inquired gently, your figure tremendously slouched and drowsy after being in overwhelming embarrassment, the quick spin of his figure catching your attention.

“should i not have—” you initiated to speak again, your words almost completely disorganized, speaking first rather than overthinking your words at his slight apprehensive behaviors since you had arrived mere seconds ago.

“i love you,” he began, now walking over to your tense figure, “and you're my person,” said james in a rapid pace, the words of his tongue rolling off haphazardly. you began to crease your eyebrows confusedly at his confession, his hands deciding to sit on both sides of your fragile jaw that began to clench in the encasement of his palms.

you were adamantly confused at where his arbitrary confession had sprouted from, and the intentions behind it.

“’m quite aware, yes?” you sighed in the duration of your sentence recalling the conversation over your appearance with lily just a few minutes ago, now defiantly looking at your shoes before speaking again. “why the sudden confession, james?” you inquired again, this time sorrowfully.

“’m not an eavesdropper or anything,” he began to defend himself, seeing your eyes hastily peer ascent to him along with the widening of your eyes, “but, i— i heard what you said to lily.” he finished his sentence wistfully. you respired heavily for a moment, your hands now clutching onto his that remained laid onto your complexion.

“just, i dunno. ignore my thoughts, they’re stupid.”

his eyes proceeded to widen at your request. his reaction to being adamantly confused was contorted in the features of his face like he had been peering over the defense against the dark arts section on an O.W.L.S exam after not studying for a week.

“i could never just ignore you. i care about what you think, m’love.” he dragged the pad of his thumb against the dermis of your cheek, feeling the broad flush of your skin begin to warm the velvet palms of hands. “i just— i can't explain it.”

there was a detrimental feeling pooling in your mind at the feeling of embarrassment beginning to tinge your cheeks. you felt as if you were in the middle of a school audition and suddenly forgot all of your lines, the insistent feeling of unworthiness popping up in your mind every couple of minutes like a menace throughout your life.

“c’mon, darling,” he whispered whilst beckoning you, removing his hands that were clutched onto the apple of your cheeks now sliding his digits through your own. the balmy feeling of his palm radiating into yours was the only steady grasp you had while he had led you into his empty dormitory.

his emotions continued to display as unknown whilst he sat upon the vermillion knit comforter that laid quite messily upon his bed. his legs began to open whilst he brought your body between them. his palms making a heavy grip upon the curvature of your waist, and his thumb now stroking the cotton material that adorned your figure. his thumb gliding down to the hem, suddenly feeling the warm flush of your skin melding into his own.

“let me make you feel good.” james began to plead, his face quirking into a mild pout. your mind reflecting on your insecurities for a moment, the ripples in your skin, the vergetures tissue that was rooted upon your flesh, but as of right now that was now to be the least of your concerns that ventured in your mind.

the pads of his calloused palm lingered to the planes of your lower back to the swell of your bottom, his hands palming at the denim material while he awaited your answer; you merely nodded your head, his grin increasingly growing whilst his grip managed to maneuver you hurriedly onto the middle of his bed. your legs slightly fumbling before your spine was adjacent to his mattress.

his lip was now faintly tucked under the cushion of his lip while his athletic form began to hover over your body. the ivory white top you were dressed in was now being pulled down to the point of the exposure of your brassiere, and the dewy kisses emitting from his lips were now faintly pressed against the mantle of your skin.

his fingers feebly started to grasp at the flimsy material of your top before raising it over the undulating form of your body, his hand flinging the pallid fabric onto the mahogany wood of his dormitory. james had now buried his head between your supple mounds that laid gracefully on your chest, his swirling tendrils of brunet tickled at the planes of your jugular.

he felt the slight respire hitching in your chest while lips suckled at the skin that guarded your sternum, the slight blossoming hue rested in the juncture of your chest whilst his lips proceeded to move around your midriff.

the silk tresses of his brunet tuffs faintly titillated at your abdomen as the sponges of his kisses landed directly on the lower regions of your abdomen. his lips continuing to suction recurrent markings till the fluorescent blooms of umber and vermillion spilled delicately onto the searing flesh of your midriff.

his cerulean eyes peeled off of the buckle from your jeans, his eyes now sauntering out your face, and your arms now balancing yourself so you can gape into his eyes. he tilted his head in question, emitting a second nod of confirmation from you. taking it upon himself to rid of your clothing from your legs, leaving his hand traveling into the flimsy sheet of scarlet lace you had been clad in.

his finger swirled upon the swollen button once, releasing an enclosed gasp from your lungs that had been held in your trachea. his hands grasping upon the tight material and removing it from your body before looking at the sopping folds of your cunt.

once, twice, three times, he glided his fingers through your arousal effortlessly before attaching his lips to the swelled nub, proceeding to suckle like a babe. his tongue exploring your cunt whilst your wavering moans were transferring through the air. he began to maneuver your legs to balance on the bend of his shoulders whilst your pending moans lay enticingly in the air; your feeble digits feeling the strain of his tuffs in the clutch of your fingers at his arousing stimulation.

his ring and middle finger began to prod at your entrance before sliding into the depths of your aching cunt nimbly. his tongue stretched upon the crevices of your cunt while it collected your sickly nectar on the tip of his tongue, his face now buried in your cunt.

the unyielding quiver in your legs around his head was only steely increasing as he etched you closer and closer upon release. the bubbling moans exuding from your throat only increasing his current pride at your pleasureful noises making him grin into your cunt until you were pleading out to him, rather desperately.

“daddy, please. can i cum?”

“since you asked so nicely.” he retorted to your question enticingly. removing his mouth as his fingers recurrently impelled in the silken encasement of your cunt until your legs were trembling over his shoulders, and your mind had finally bleared out from the explosive butterflies that now lingered in your belly.

he caught sight of a few unwavering mauve lines that retracted in the inside flesh of your thighs, pressing a few absentminded kisses to them before his body began to hover over your own.

the bespectacled boy had now removed the indigo shirt from his body, his abdomen and rippling muscles were now in desolate from your slightly fatigued eyes. his body now recurrently hovering over your heaving one. his thumb swiped against your cheek once before his eyes came in the direct view of your churning abdomen.

he lowered his face till his nose was slightly smeared against your rib cage and his lips came in direct contact with the mauve and pallid lines you had been so doggedly insecure about.

his hands now placed on the curvature of your waist, admiring the stripes that now defined your midsection. tracing the small lines on the left, on the right, then craning his neck under your thighs so he could press a few absentminded kisses to the swell of your bum.

when he had returned from your underside, now catching your lips in a kiss. the hues of orange and red now bleeding into the atmosphere of the room, the sun slowly setting in the underworld amongst the other planets whilst he removed the remaining articles of clothing that had lingered on your figures.

“you’re so beautiful,” he murmured, pressing a kiss into the junction of your neck, landing directly on your pulse point that had been unwaveringly erratic. “astonishingly beautiful, my angel.” he crooned into the curvature of your neck whilst his lips moved to the crease of your jaw.

his hands delicately were fixed on the apex of your thighs, the limbs hanging closely on the burly muscles of his waist. “please, daddy. need you so bad.” you began to mewl while his cock had nudged faintly at your thigh.

at your words, james leisurely filled you to the brim with his cock until the happy trail sprouted ascent his lower abdomen was now pressed against your hips in a minuscule grinding-like motion.

his forearms now embedding into the mattress beside your hair that was cascading around your face similar to a halo that an angel wore proudly, his hips continuously grinding against your hips whilst your ankles were brought into a tight lock on the lower curvature of his spine.

“my pretty girl.”

the motions of his thrusts were steady and protracted. the movements drawing out your orgasms substantially, rather than the feeling of intense euphoric elation, it’s rather prolonged and comforting in the small snap of a coil that trembled in your belly.

the searing flush of your skin colliding with one another whilst his mouth had now been placed upon your own once more. your arms now resting on the nape of his neck, the minuscule scratch, and tug of your fingers bringing him to center of the actions he was trying to exhibit towards you.

his love, his adoration, his appreciation.

the small kisses he left on your hairline whilst he was etched closer, and closer upon his release until the splintering clench in his belly had profusely slackened . “you’re so captivating.” he crooned amid your kiss after separating his lips from yours for a moment.

the meld of his skin against your own was enticing and inviting. his tongue swept into your mouth to envelop the feeling of you just a little more before the ropes of his release had seeped into the depths of your cunt; only deepening the liplock whilst his prick had remained inside of you.

it wasn't a long duration of time before james quickly scrambled away to dress you in his freshly cleaned vermillion and umber quidditch jumper and a pair of his boxer shorts, quickly cuddling close to your side whilst placing a few last kisses to your forehead before he had changed into a pair of sweatpants himself and beckoned you to lay on his chest.

“you m’dear, are, completely, and irrevocably bewitching. my pretty witch.”

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[magalidragon]

Romantic one-liners

“However many years we have left, I want to spend them all with you.”

Can it be some fluffy angst? 🥺😁

Sooo when I saw this quote I IMMEDIATELY thought of leap of faith universe. 🥺🤭 This is angsty fluff/fluffy angst in the only way I know how....with a happy ending! Enjoy! (?)

(Oh this has a TW for cancer)

Romantic One Liner Prompts

When his mother died, he'd been too young to be in hospital rooms with her for longer than a few moments at a time, the doctors afraid that he'd be bringing in all the germs and general dirtiness that followed around a preteen boy. It had been relatively quick; she fell off her horse and broke her neck and after a few days on a ventilator, his uncle made the sad decision to turn it off, with the knowledge that her organs would go on to help others. It was what Lyanna would have wanted.

All he remembered was entering the room a couple of times, the last time kissing her forehead, whispering he loved her and would miss her, and then being ushered out by his Uncle Benjen. The woman lying there with all the machines and tubes was not his mother, so it was easier for him to process. He'd kissed her goodbye when he had been on the way to school, surrounded by her earthy scent from spending her waking hours with horses in the stable, and the faintest sweetness of winter roses.

Any other time in the hospital as a patient, he had blocked it out, because he hated it so much, but there was one thing he oculd never get rid of when he walked through the doors nad it was that antiseptic coldness. It gave him a headache, forced him back to those days saying goodbye to his mother, to his uncle Ned after his heart attack, and then when he'd been there after his accident, his discharge from the military already stamped the moment he'd coded on the trauma room table Beyond the Wall.

Now, he was not here as a patient or as a visitor, but as a supportive partner. That antiseptic smell was still there, the room cold and sterile, and he maintained his composure, because he had to be strong. He couldn't afford to succumb to his own fears about why they were there or his spiraling thoughts of doom and gloom.

The papery gown crinkled under his light touch, his hand running up and down her cold arm, comforting her as best as he could. He didn't say "it will be fine" because they didn't know if it would be fine. He studied her blank expression, her lavender eyes sunken, dull shadows under them. It had been a long time since he'd seen those shadows.

They'd only been married a year, he thought, glancing at his silver wedding band. He leaned on the edge of the exam table, his arm wrapping around her shoulder, bringing her head to his shoulder. She rested it there, eyelids fluttering closed, her tiny body sagging against his, exhausted.

"What if it's back?" she whispered.

"Then it is back and we deal with it."

She nodded, turning her face into his chest, her hand clutching his shirt. He covered it with his, lifting to kiss her knuckles. "You didn't go through it the first time with me," she murmured. Her eyes clenched shut, tears trickling down her cheeks, wetting his hand when he tilted her chin up so he could gaze down a ther. She sniffed. "I was so sick, Jon. I thought the cure would kill me."

He cocked his head, knowing that all to well form his own accident recovery. "You have me now," he said. They'd talked about this, breifly, when she'd been having the headaches again, when he found her on the floor of their bedroom, sick to her stomach, too dizzy to stand, the pain blinding. She'd called her doctor immediately, scheduled an appointment.

They were waiting on rush lab results now, to determine if she would go down the hallway to get a brain scan. He brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear, tucking the long strands back over her shoulder. It had grown out since he'd met her, tumbling beautiful over her shoulders, like a silver waterfall.

The motion had her tears falling faster, but she remained silent. "I don't want to shave my head again," she mumbled. "It's stupid, but...I don't want to have to do that again."

"Dany we don't know yet if..." If it's back, he didn't say, the words stuck in his throat. He took a deep breath and moved his arms from her, placing them on her cheeks, her face tilted to his. He wasn't very good with words, he hoped he could explain this to her. "I love you, Daenerys, and I have loved you since the moment you walked into my life and jumped out of a plane with me." He dragged his thumbs over her cheekbones, her forehead furrowed. The motion drew his attention briefly to the thin silver scar that he could see in a part in her hair, from the first surgery she had.

He took a deep breath, his heart hammering into his ribs, swallowing down that fear that he'd almost lost her, but he didn't, because he had her now. And he would have her forever too, she wans't going anywhere. "Dany whatever those results show, I am here with you, forever. For a thousand years and more, like we promised each other before the heart tree and however many years we have left, I want to spend them all with you."

She hiccupped, her hands wrapping around his wrists, smile wavering. "I love you too. So much...but it's a lot..."

"You're my wife," he breathed. He grinned. "My dragon, my partner, and whatever happens I'm here. I'm with you Dany."

She nodded quickly, eyes closing again as he brushed feather kisses over her cheeks, kissing away the tears. Her arms snaked around him, holding tight, and she released a long, shaky breath, mumbling, "I am so lucky I found you."

Me too, he thought, eyes screwed shut, squeezing her close. He had made his peace with the idea that if it was back, he was going to be there for her in everything. It would be better, he thought, because he was here for her. Last time she had been alone. Sure, she had her brothers-- one of whom was an esteemed doctor himself-- along with Missandei, but this was different.

They remained in each other's arms for a long time, until the door opened, her oncologist entering, Dr. Mel a tower of crimson hair and odd robe-like dress with her medical coat. "Good afternoon," she drawled, her accent unique and entracing. She turned her blue eyes to them, smiling serenely. "Daenerys, how lovely, you have found your promised prince."

Dany laughed, wiping her eyes with the heel of her palm. "Um, yes, I suppose I have."

"Lovely. I reviewed your blood tests and I am pleased to tell you upon first look I do not see indicators of a cancer resurgence, however I will do a CT scan to confirm. That being said, there was an anomaly in your bloodwork." Mel smiled again, unblinking, her head cocked. "One I suspect you will be pleased with."

Pleased? Jon barely registered that, because all he heard was Dany's relieved sob, her hand clutching his, her other going to cover her mouth. "Oh! Oh thank you Mel! There's nothing?" She frowned, realizing there was more. "Wait...what...pleased? I don't understand."

Jon didn't either, an arm around her shoulder now, his hand so tight in hers he wondered which one might break the other's first. "Whatever it is," he began, but didn't finished, because Mel spoke over him.

"You're pregnant."

His heart stopped beating, before it lurched into his throat, strangling any sound he might have made. In his arms, Dany cried out, shocked, her hands over her mouth. She dropped them after a second, whispering, incredulous: "Pregnant?"

"Hmm, indeed. I suspect your migraines were the result of fluctuating hormones, the dizziness and the nausea were morning sickness that perhaps carried out throughout the day." She squinted. "Are you still jumping out of planes? That might also have something to do with it, you're dehydrated again."

"But I..." she stuttered, while he was also at a loss for words. She pressed her palm over her belly, breathing. "I wasn't supposed to be able to...after the chemo and...and the radiation..."

"This is a miracle from the Lord of Light," Mel cooed.

Jon thought it more a miracle from his Old Gods, but as Dany believed in neither the Fire God of Mel or the Old Gods of his forest, he said nothing. He wasn't sure how he felt, the knowledge that they were having a baby...he met her gaze, the joy within her formerly sad eyes. "A baby," he whispered.

"A baby," she laughed, beginning to sob, arms clutching him. "I didn't think it was possible!"

"I'll give you both a moment," Mel said, turning and leaving them, door closing quietly behind her.

In his arms, Dany cried, relief and exhaustion and happiness at once. He scrubbed his palm over his face, dropping it to her back, rubbing lightly. She pulled back and lifted up her gown, peering at her flat stomach. "Hello in there," she called, lightly touching her fingertips to her hipbone. "It's Mummy and Papa."

He lightly pressed his hand over hers, touching her belly, and smiled, unable to stop. It was frozen to his face, the dopey grin. "It still stands," he said, a moment later, after they had quietly reflected, fingers joined over her stomach.

"What?"

"However long in this life we have, whether it's just a year or for a thousand of them, I want to spen dit with you." He brushed his lips over her brow, embracin gher, amending it slightly. "With you both."

Dany nodded, touching her fingertips to his cheek. "Me too." She laughed, glancing down at her tote bag. After a second, she climbed from the bed and went to it, pulling out her battered notebook. She flicked to her list, which was all checked off and removed the pen, making a notation at the bottom.

When she left with Mel to go get a CT scan, just to double check, he took a quick look at the note she'd made.

Have a baby dragon.

He picked up the pen and made a simple edit, before folding the book back up and returning it to her tote.

Have Hatch baby dragon dragons.

[trashfor-imagines]

How I Met Your Mother Father: Haikyū Edition! | 2

Ft. Oikawa / Iwaizumi / Ushijima / Tendo / Semi

Summary: How you met your husband-o! Warnings: I took creative liberties regarding Ushijima’s story and how the Olympics work. Also I’m sleepy and going back in and editing my mistakes. :)

Part 1: Ft. Kuroo / Bokuto / Akaashi / Yaku Part 3: Ft. Daichi / Sugawara / Asahi / K. Ukai

-

Oikawa Toru

You and Oikawa met in university. You were studying for a degree in Kinesiology & Sport Science and your goal was to get into Sports Medicine and work for one of the National or Olympic teams.

It was by chance you joined the men’s volleyball team as their manager. You originally gunned for track and field, but a mishap with your train pass at the station made you late for sign ups.

On your first day of practice you arrived early to get a head start on things - ordering uniforms, getting sports drinks ready, gathering clean towels. You were coming back from the laundry room when a ball was headed straight for you. Fear reached your knees decided to lock them in place so your first instinct was to block, holding your palms out, but the sheer force and velocity caused your hands and the ball to be thrown back, still smacking you in the face and quite literally knocking you off your feet.

Lying there, you wanted the gym floor to open up and swallow you whole.

“Are you ok?! I’m so sorry!” Eyes fluttering open, you looked up into brown eyes, wide with worry.

“Well boys, this is your first year team manager. Oikawa! I thought I told you first years to stop showing off! Take responsibility and help her to the nurse’s office. When you come back you’ll be doing flying laps until I say stop,” the coach yelled, blowing a whistle and signaling the start of practice.

He picked you up easily in his arms, some of the boys who were out of earshot of the coach whistling at him. Now that you weren’t lying on the ground and he wasn’t so close in your face, you could really take in his features and god was he handsome. You really did wish the ground had swallowed you whole.

The nurse flashed a light in your eyes. “Well, you’re definitely going to have a bruise.”

“You don’t have to stay with me,” you told told Oikawa as the nurse looked you over for signs of concussion.

“I feel bad; I just want to make sure you’re ok,” he reasoned, giving you his most charming smile.

“If you feel bad, then you can make it up to me later instead of using me to stall facing your punishment.”

“It’s a deal. No take backs, my cute manager,” he sang, quickly escaping before you could rebut.

And that’s how you ended up going on a date with Oikawa Toru and marrying a year after he went pro.

Iwaizumi Hajime

You sighed, resting your chin in your hand as you watched Iwaizumi from across the library. While most girls at school fawned over Oikawa, you were absolutely smitten with his best friend.

Letting your shoulders drop, you turned back to your textbook, tapping your pencil eraser to the tip of your nose as you bit down on your lower lip, clueless that the boy who’d invaded your thoughts had noticed you.

Months later and graduation was today and it was official. You’d spent the whole year pining for a boy you’d never ever spoken to. In a month you’d be starting college and hopefully someone new would catch your eye.

The summer wasn’t exciting. You spent your time packing for Tokyo and wandering around town, hoping to catch even a glimpse of Iwaizumi in passing; no luck.

You were starting classes at UTokyo in a few weeks for two degrees in Creative Writing and Publishing. You wanted to write stories and if you couldn’t do that then you wanted to help people get their stories out there.

First day of classes were incredible. Everything was interesting and you were reignited with a new sense of excitement. You’d almost forgotten about why you were so mopey before.

It was Wednesday and you were on your way off campus to find lunch when you felt your heart skip. There he was just across the courtyard; Iwaizumi.

Was he seriously here too? Gripping your hands tightly around your book bag, you considered your options.

New school.

New city.

New you.

Right?

Breathing steady, you quickly crossed the courtyard. The closer you got the stiffer your body felt and the more your hands shook until you couldn’t walk anymore. Your feet were glued in place and you watched as Iwaizumi walked right past you.

Dammit.

As weeks passed it was like high school all over again. Now that you’d seen him once, he seemed to be popping up everywhere and it was driving you mad. You even saw him at a coffee shop off campus the other day.

You sat in the library, studying for your first exam. Nervously, you bounced your restless leg as you tapped your pencil’s eraser against your forehead, frustrated.

Things were supposed to be different.

You barely registered when someone sat next to you.

“If you aren’t careful, you’ll leave a mark on your face.”

Your face flushed and you dropped your pencil; that’s Iwaizumi’s voice. Almost mechanically, you turned your head and met his gaze.

He sat with his body turned toward you, arm propped up at the elbow with his cheek resting on his fist.

“I wasn’t sure it was you, but now I’m positive,” he said, smiling at you. Smiling at you. You’d only ever dreamed.

“You know... who I am?”

“Well yeah, we went high school for three years together.” His voice was teasing and everything you ever wished for. “I was always busy with school and volleyball, I never gave myself a chance to talk to you.”

“You wanted to talk to me?”

“I might have seen you looking at me a few times.” There it goes. Called out. You were a stuttering mess. There was no way you could play it off now. 

Letting you flounder a bit more, he rested his hand on your bouncing knee, sending a jolt of electricity through you, and that expression on his face told you he might have felt it too.

“(Y/N) why don’t we go out and we can catch up for lost time?”

And that was how you and Iwaizumi Hajime became inseparable ever since, marrying a few years after starting your careers after college.

Ushijima Wakatoshi

The Olympics were almost every athlete’s dream.

You were raised to play, eat, breathe, and dream gold.

Gold medals that is.

All your life you’d been on national teams and qualified for the Youth Olympics in Track and Field at 14.

Now, four years later, you were off to the actual Olympics. You were boarding the plane to London for athletes who were heading over early. It was a long flight with a layover in Turkey.

Dressed in leggings, your Team Japan Olympic sweatshirt, and slipping on a pair of comfy house shoes you wore specifically on planes, you snuggled into your window seat, gazing through the small frame of glass.

You snapped out of it when you felt someone sit in the seat beside you. Turning, you felt your jaw slack slightly at the large and fit build seated right next to you.

Okay, full disclosure, you were boy crazy deep inside. Your parents didn’t allow dating and drilled into you that boys were just a distraction from your dreams.

“Go for gold. Boys come later.”

But holy shit. He was looking right at you too. Oh my god, was he talking to you? What was he saying?!

Oh right.

Smiling, you reached up and removed your earbuds. “Sorry, what was that?”

“My seatbelt.”

You felt your mouth run dry. His voice. Was life serious right now?!

“Sorry,” you laughed lightly, reaching under your thigh for the belt strap, handing it to him. You might have handed it to him in a way so that your hands touched on purpose. Maybe you didn’t. All you knew was that you wanted to keep talking to him and you definitely wanted to touch him.

“Thanks,” he spoke simply, buckling in before facing forward.

 Okay, you mouthed silently, straightening up in your seat. Tucking a stray hair behind your ear, you turned to him again. “I’m (Y/F/N), Olympic Track and Field.”

He turned to look at you. “Ushijima Wakatoshi. Volleyball.”

A man of few words? “You know, I think I recognize you now.”

“We were featured in the same article in Number last month.” His voice was blunt.

Your eyes widened. “Wow! You remembered what article we were both in?”

He didn’t respond, but by god, he just said more than just three words to you and it was a full sentence. You gave a few more tries at making conversation, but he had no response. With a sigh, you shrunk into your seat and put your earbuds in.

You weren’t sure when you’d fallen asleep, but you were awakened by a jerking and shaking motion. An arm was wrapped tightly around you as the cabin continued to shake and rattle.

A ding sounded and the captain made an announcement: “Sorry passengers, but we’re currently experiencing some turbulence. We’ll be adjusting our flight pattern. Please stay seated with seatbelts fastened.”

The hand on your arm tightened, but you were tucked tightly into his side to where you couldn’t adjust your head to look at Ushijima’s face. Reaching over, you placed one of your hands on top of his and he adjusted to hold your hand tightly, as your other arm stretched across his torso, holding onto him.

Even when the plane moved into less turbulent air space, he continued to hold onto you and eventually you slept again.

He woke you up when you landed in Turkey and asked if you’d spend the layover with him in the airport while some of the other athletes left to explore. Though most of the conversation was one sided with you talking and him listening, there was a connection and when you finally made him laugh, you knew you wanted to always be the reason for his smiles.

When you finally reached London, you spent as much time as possible with one another before the events began; morning runs in the city, sightseeing, eating meals together, taking tons of photos together.

You’d won gold in the 500 meter. The volleyball team won bronze.

When the both of you finally returned home to Japan, the two of you stayed in contact as more than just friends, but he’d never label your relationship out loud.

That’s how you and Ushijima Wakatoshi, medal winning Olympians, ended up together, keeping your relationship on the down low and out of the press for two years and marrying just before the next Olympic Games.

Tendo Satori

As far as you were concerned, Tendo was an insensitive goof.

You had known him since you were babies, your mothers were best friends, and by god he was the most annoying force to ever appear in your life. Your childhood was filled with plenty of hair pulling and teasing.

It was embarrassing when girls started growing breasts and you were still flat as a board. His teasing was unrelenting. And when you finally grew some semblance of breasts? You didn’t even want to get started on that nightmarish period of life.

When high school came around, he was like a second shadow to you, never far. It was irritating, but you tolerated it.

He wasn’t an idiot, managing to also get into Shiratorizawa. He also knew when you were reaching your limit with him and he’d instantly change his behavior, turning into the sweet and gentle boy you first knew.

Hell, you even welcomed his attention at this point. There weren’t any other boys looking your way. As soon as you’d start talking to a guy, the next day they’d avoid you like the plague.

He was your best friend.

You hated him.

You loved him.

Second year didn’t seem to be any different from first year. Valentines Day came around and a boy you’d been crushing on rejected your chocolates. It was absolutely embarrassing.

You studied in the library, keeping yourself mentally preoccupied, while waiting patiently for Tendo to walk you home after school, you only hoped his practice didn’t run late like normal.

You heard girls whispering about your rejection earlier. It was so hard to not just break into tears. You’d been holding them in all day.

After a couple hours, you slammed your book shut, temporarily stopping the whispers while you packed and left, waiting for Tendo outside of the school gates.

“Hey washboard!” came his cheery voice.

Biting your lip, you kept your head down as you walked with him down the street. You hadn’t made it ten steps before stopping, trying to hold in your sobs. Reaching into your bag, you pulled out your thoughtfully wrapped rejected box of sweets and held it out to him.

“Weren’t you going to give these to that Suzukita guy on the swim team? Chicken out?” He turned the box over in his hands.

Balling your hands into fists, you snatched the box back from him. “Look Sato, if you don’t want them then just say so!”

He took a better look at your face, noticing streaks of tears down your face. With a small growl, he snatched them back before tearing into the box, eating a couple of pieces. “I didn’t say I didn’t want them!”

Shoulders trembling, you let yourself cry freely.

Tendo frowned, brows furrowed in worry. Stuffing the chocolates into his bag, he held your hand, pulling you along with him and walking you home silently. No jokes. No teasing. Just the sweet boy who always made you hold his hand when you were toddlers.

Your troubles weren’t over just yet though. White Day came along and you weren’t ready for the horror show of feeling alone again.

The day was uneventful. You hardly spoke to anyone. Even your girl friends avoided you so they didn’t accidentally make you feel bad.

White Day was lonely and it sucked.

Thankfully, the day didn’t drag out and Tendo didn’t have practice, just a quick team meeting, so you waited at the front gates like normal.

“(Y/N)! Ready to go home?” he asked, ruffling your hair.

You shrugged, running your fingers through your hair in an attempt to fix it.

“Hey.” He caught your wrist, gaining your full attention. Holding out his hand, he offered you a small white box with a white ribbon. “Here.”

Carefully, you accepted, removing the ribbon and handing it to him. You opened the box and a small smile made its way onto your face. Marshmallow chocolates. You got them once when you were little from your dad. You shared them with Tendo and hadn’t had them again since.

“Thanks, Satori,” you whispered, unable to meet his eyes.

He reached forward and grabbed a lock of your hair, clumsily braiding it before tying the end with the white ribbon from the box.

Reaching down, he took your hand, walking you home. As the two of you walked, the hand holding yours began to fidget. Glancing over you watched as he slipped a white beaded bracelet from his wrist onto yours.

Stopping, you let go of his hand to look at it. Peeking up at him, you caught the faint blush on his cheeks before looking at the hand made kid’s bracelet carefully.

SATORI <3 (Y/N)

“Sato...”

“It’s true. I... I love you, (Y/N).”

And that’s how you and Tendo Satori ended up attached to each other for life, getting engaged after high school and marrying after college.

Semi Eita

“What can I get you?”

Those were the first words you ever spoke to him. He was dressed casually and brooding at the bar you worked.

At night, you worked at one of the many tiny bars in Shinjuku’s Golden Gai, a huge tourist trap, and during the day you were a student at Bunka Fashion College.

He wasn’t much of a talker and wore an unmovable scowl, but he bought drinks all night and didn’t bother you unlike the other customers.

You were surprised when he showed up again the next night, and the night after that, and again after that.

When he stepped into your tiny bar for the sixth day in a row, on a Monday night, it was almost automatic the way you moved, pouring him a whiskey before setting the glass and bottle down in front of him.

It was pretty quiet tonight. And late. There wasn’t a ton of activity. In fact, your only other customer left within the next thirty minutes, leaving you and Mr. Serious alone.

“Let me know if you want something different for a change,” you said, laying out some books on the counter before hopping over the bar and taking a seat at one of the eight stools - the only seating in the whole place.

“What are you reading?” His voice surprised you. Honestly, you almost forgot he was there.

“Ah, it’s for one of my classes. History of sewing, basically. Kind of boring, but they say I have to learn it,” you shrugged, laughing a little.

“Where do you go?”

You smiled at him in a teasing matter, holding a finger up to your lips. “Can you keep a secret?”

He quirked a brow. “Promise.”

“Hmm... I guess I can trust you,” you teased, “I go to Bunka. Students aren’t supposed to have jobs so my life’s in your hands, okay?”

He scoffed, masking a laugh that almost escaped him. “Sure.”

From that night forward this was a common theme. He’d stay late and when it was just the two of you left, you’d have deep conversations and talk about anything and everything either of you could think of.

You learned quite a bit about him.

He was a musician in a band and a civil servant.

He was stressed about some projects he was working on, which was why he started coming to the bar.

He liked “your calm energy” and how you didn’t bother him; that’s why he kept coming back.

He played volleyball in school and was a setter.

His favorite food was tekka maki.

He was a Scorpio.

His friend used to tease him a lot in high school about how he looked in clothes so now he tried to be more conscious of how he dressed.

Soon your relationship evolved from just bartender-patron. He was inviting you to his concerts and asking to see you during your time between school and work.

You recalled him mentioning wanting to find a new casual jacket that didn’t make him look weird, so you spent a few days in your design class making him a jean jacket you thought would flatter him.

He met you outside of the school building one evening - the two of you had plans to go to a night market for dinner and try the different stalls. It was supposed to be chilly so it was the perfect time for you to give it to him.

“Semi! Here, this is for you,” you said, holding out a simple gift bag to him. You literally finished today, applying some patches and last minute details. “Go ahead and open it.”

“(Y/N)... This is exactly what I was looking for.” His normally grumpy expression was softer as he held it up, examining it. He noted there wasn’t a tag and he was pretty sure there was the tiniest bit of blood on the collar. “Did you really make this for me?”

You stuttered, “I-I know y-you were having a hard time finding something you liked so I thought you deserved something you wanted.”

“I... deserve what I want?” he repeated, looking you in the eye.

A blush flared across your cheeks. “Well... Yeah.”

He paused, taking in your face and how different you looked when you were flustered. “I want to date you, exclusively.”

And that’s how you became the musician Semi Eita’s girlfriend, marrying a year later.

[random-mha-thoughts]

Skater Boy (Kirishima x Reader)

Pairing: Kirishima x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: College!AU; You’re going to get pizza and you run into a group of skaters from your university

Word count: 2,640

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ @bunnythepipsqueak​

a/n: I was talking to my cousin one day and the thought just suddenly hit me, What if the Bakusquad were skateboarders?  And so this idea was born!  Not the best but I think it’s cute, and he deserves fluff after I just wrote angst for him.

"I think I might actually fail that class," I deflate, hunched over.  "I study until I'm blue in the face and I still do bad on the exams.  And he doesn't even curve the grades!"

Tzuyu raises an eyebrow at me.  "(Y/n), you have a B in that class, why are you so worried?"

"Because I want an A!" I burst out as we walk up the parking lot of the pizza shop.  "It's still only the middle of the semester, I need a good enough cushion just in case I slip up on the last few exams.  I can't get another C!"

My dark haired friend grabs my shoulders and looks me in the eye.  "You're freaking out for nothing, just chill.  Do something fun for a change."

I sigh exasperatedly.  "I don't have time for fun.  I need enough time to study and do my homework, and I need time to procrastinate because of how stressed I am."  She doesn't understand since she's not a science major, she's a lucky Communications major.

She rolls her eyes.  "If you keep going like this, you'll start having premature grays hairs.  And you'll look older than you already do."

I shove her playfully.  "Are you saying I look older than my age?"

"Yup.  And it doesn't help that you have resting bitch face either."

I jump in front of her to jokingly insult her too.  "You're-"

"Incoming!"

Stepping backwards, the ground underneath my foot is slightly higher and shaky, making my leg jerk to the side instinctively and I land square on my ass, almost knocking into the shop's glass doors.  My head follows the sound of wheels rolling to see a skateboard gliding away from us.

"Hey, stupid."  A shadow casts over me and I meet the eyes of a pretty annoyed ash-blond boy, his hands in his forest green cargo pants pockets.  He looks down his nose at me with a grimace.  "That was my board you tripped on."

I blink, not knowing what he expects me to say.  "Um.  Sorry?"

Tzuyu helps me off the floor.  "Why would you let it roll away if you didn't want anyone touching it?"

He grabs it from the small distance it traveled, kicking the edge and gripping it by the metal between the wheels.  His board is almost all black with a giant white skull in the middle surrounded by orange and yellow flames.  "We warned you, not our fault you stepped on it like an amateur."

My gaze flicks briefly to the group of other people hanging around the side of the building before returning back to him.  "All you said was 'Incoming,' how were we supposed to know what to watch out for?"

The boy rolls his eyes and swaggers up to me.  Being almost an entire head taller, he slouches over me.  "You should've know to just freeze up," he growls.

The combination of his height towering over me and his murderous crimson eyes makes me gulp, but stand my ground.  I cross my arms over my chest.  "M-Maybe if you weren't so bad at skateboarding, you wouldn't have messed up for it to roll away from you."

The boy growls and bares his teeth at me.  "You wanna say that again?!"

"Okay, calm down, dude, it was just an accident."  A red-headed friend of the boy runs up and pushes him away when I flinch into Tzuyu's arms behind me.  "You don't have to pick a fight with everyone you meet, just chill."

The porcupine-haired boy grumbles under his breath and walks back to the rest of his group.

I turn to the saintly friend.  "Thank you-"

As soon as he turns around, the words get jumbled in my throat.  The front of his hair is so cutely tucked over his face under his black beanie.  His features give off a boyish charm with sharp features like his eyes and his jawline.  His beaming smile puts blindingly white sharp teeth on display as his eyes crinkle up.  "Sorry about him, he's a bit of a hothead."

"It's okay!" I say quickly, waving my hands in front of me and looking down.  My eyes meet with his board, the pattern a scarlet matching his hair color with black lettering outlining the initials RR.  "You have a pretty cool board.  Matches your hair."  It's a dumb compliment and I know it is, I'm just trying to make conversation.

He picks it up by the sides and admires it himself.  "You like it?  Painted it myself!  I bought the wheels, but I sprayed the trucks black because I thought it looked cooler."

"Seems like a personification of you."  You sound so lame and boring, why would you say that?

"It's new, I'm trying to get it scratched up and everything."  He holds it with one hand at his side and holds his hand out to me, flashing another brilliant smile.  "I'm Eijirou Kirishima by the way!"

Tzuyu and I introduce ourselves.  "Do you go to the university here?" my friend asks.

"Yeah, we all do," he motions to the rest of them.  "We just like to come out and chill every once in a while, usually we're at the park though."

I know which one he's talking about.  About a block away, opposite the direction of our university, is a skate park that I've seen whenever we pass by here to get food.

Tzuyu clears her throat and nudges me from behind and I shoot her a look to stop.

"Yo, Kiri!  We're goin' back to the park, you comin'?"  One of the boys with bright blond hair and a black hoodie calls out.

Kirishima's head flits back and forth between us and his friends.  "I'll meet up with you guys later!" he answers before turning his attention back to us.  "I can treat you guys to lunch since Bakugou was being an ass if you want?"

My eyes widen.  "You don't have-"

"Sure, why not?" Tzu talks over me and grabs my arm.  "Let's go grab a table!"

I will kill everything you love.

.

Tzuyu does most of the talking while I eat my pizza like a silent bunny.  We find out he's an Exercise Science major with an average GPA.  The most surprising thin is that his loudmouth friend who almost jumped us is a pretty bright student.

"You really can't tell, he's such a hothead," Tzu comments.

"Yeah, he's been trying to work on it," Kirishima laughs and rubs the back of his head.  "But he's a really smart guy, I usually ask him to explain stuff I don't understand."

I stare at the board he's laid down on the seat next to him.  We're spread out inside a semicircle booth near the window, so it's right next to me.  I stealthily reach out to spin one of the white and red wheels.  Some part of me feels like a child because I get easily amused by these things.

"You must really like my board."

My heart lurches when I realize I've been caught, my face turning red when I meet his beaming face.  "I'm sorry for touching it."  I scoot away from it a little bit.

"No need to apologize, I don't mind."  He pushes it towards me and leans his arms on the back of the cushioned seats.  "Do you skate?"

I fiddle with the wheels again.  "I have a board, actually, but I can't really skate."  It's at my house, under my bed where I can't see it.

"That's cool, do you have a picture?" his scarlet eyes light up in excitement."

"No, I don't."  I deleted it.  "I, uh, dated someone who bought it for me and was supposed to teach me how to skate."

"And you broke up?" Kirishima finishes, his expression neutralized to a blank slate.

Damnit, look what you did, you've made everyone uncomfortable now.  I take a last bite of my pizza, leaving the crust.  Usually Tzuyu eats it for me.

Kirishima eyes it and his face turns a bit red, darting away from me.  "Would it be weird to ask if I can eat your crust?"

I feel my own face get hot at his suggestion.  Tzuyu coughs to hide her giggle and nods slightly.  "Sure, go ahead," I manage to get out shakily.

He doesn't even hesitate to grab it once he has permission, happily chewing at it.  Tzuyu bites her lip to keep herself at my obviously red face.  Don't think about it, that's so childish, I chant to myself.

He licks his lips when he's finished.  "So, (Y/n), do you still wanna learn?"

My entire body erupts in a strange combination of warmth and cold.  I never really thought about skating after I broke up with the previous guy.  It's just been sitting under my bed because  I unconsciously can't bring myself to remind myself of anything about him.  It wouldn't be a bad idea, but I also don't really want to embarrass myself in front of another cute guy.

Noticing my hesitation, Kirishima offers a warm smile.  "You don't have to worry about falling in front of me!  I couldn't stay on the board at first either!"

I can't imagine it, but something about his affable, trusting demeanor draws me to him.  "I guess it wouldn't hurt to try."

"Awesome!"  His entire face lights up and his eyes crinkle up again.

"You guys can go ahead, I'm going back to the dorms to study," Tzuyu gets up to throw her plate away.  When Kirishima isn't looking, she wiggles her eyebrows and mouths, "Have fun."

"That's too bad.  It was nice meeting you!"

I shake my head quickly at her, but she just sticks her tongue out at me and leaves.

The redhead grabs his board and stands up.  "Shall we?"

Lord, I'm gonna die today.

.

Kirishima had already got me to feel out my balance standing on the grass and was now planing on moving me to the concrete.  Cue all my fears of falling off and busting my head open.

"Do you know which stance you're more comfortable standing with?" he asks, placing the board in front of me near a pole in the parking lot.

"I think so?"  I'm not familiar with it, but I can switch it up later.

"Alright, hold onto the pole and step up.  I'll stand in front of you just in case you fall forward, just be careful falling backwards."  He's been extra patient with me this whole time, it's endearing.

"Can you clone yourself so you can be in both places?" I ask feebly, clasping my hands in front of me, staring at the little board.

He chuckles, "I wish I could.  You'll do fine, I'll try to catch you either way."

I take a breath, holding onto the pole and placing my foot on the board.  I don't want to look like a coward in front of Kirishima, so I grasp the metal tightly and plant my other foot, wobbling a little in place and whining.

"You're doing good!  Are you cool so far?"  He moves to stand on the side where my body faces forward.

"I think so?"  My blood pumps with adrenaline and all I want to do is leap off and go back to the dorms.  Damnit Tzu, why did you leave me here?

"Okay, whenever you're ready, just push off and roll!"

My front fist clenches in front of me, every instinct telling me not to let go of the pole.  "You'll catch me, right?" I confirm, my legs shaking in anticipation.

"Yup!"  He holds his hands out, palms up and ready.  "Ready when you are!"

Don't be a coward, just do it.  I push off weakly and start rolling only slightly faster than a snail's pace before I shake and spasm, putting a hand on Kirishima's arm instinctively.  "Shit, sorry-" I take my hand off only to windmill my arms and lean backward.

He grabs both of my hands.  "Lean on me, it's okay."

His warm smile and gentle voice makes me feel stupid for being an imbalanced fool.  "I'm sorry, I'm such a klutz, I'm really bad at this," I burst out quickly.

"You're fine, take your time."  The warmth from his hands flusters me even more and I want to let go, but if I do I'll fall over.  "Do you want me to push you so you can try again?  Is it okay?"  I nod, my body still shaking.  I shift to balance with one of his hands as he frees the other.  "I'm gonna let go after I push you, plant yourself."

He pushes at the small of my back gingerly, sending me rolling a little faster than before.  Despite being wobbly, somehow I manage to keep my balance for a few more seconds, the board wavering back and forth under my feet.

"You've got it, good job!" Kirishima praises, keeping a brisk walking pace to keep up.

The board slows to a crawl and I waver, stopping when I grab his arm again and letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding.  "That's not too bad I guess," I exhale.

He chuckles.  "Do you wanna try riding towards me alone this time?"

Please no.  "Okay," I squeak out.

Kirishima stands a good 10 meters away from me.  Starting from the pole, I push off towards him and balance myself across.  When I approach him, he raises his hands up for me to hold onto and walks backwards to match my speed.  "Just step off now."

As soon as I take my back foot off, the front tips forward into the ground.  The mini sensation of falling makes me yelp and lean into him reflexively.

A snicker leaves his lips.  "Not really a successful stop, but at least you did it."

I look up, about to say something snarky, but I realize how close we are to each other.  His eyes bore into mine, and I notice he has a small vertical scar on his right eye.  I'm about to reel back for staring before he grips my hands tighter and brings them down to get closer.  My heart thumps in my ears, body still shaking with adrenaline.

"You know, it won't take just a single day to skate well, you need to practice at it."  His eyes relax into a half-lidded state, one side of his lips lazily turned up slightly.

"Yeah..." I want to curse myself for such a dumb response.  The smell of his wooded cologne wafts from his hoodie.

He bites his lip and glances down at mine briefly and his voice drops an octave.  "Would you like it if we kept this up?  Maybe tomorrow?"

Without thinking, I nod slowly.

"Maybe we can grab something to eat together?" he tips his head, "Like a...date?"

My face flushes.  Oh, this is happening.  I nod again, not trusting my voice to do anything but scream.

A low chuckle resounds from him throat and he quickly brushes a finger to my cheek.  "You're cute.  I'm glad you wanna see me again too."

My chest throbs at the compliment, eyes dropping to the ground.

Another melodious laugh and he lets go of me, grabbing his board that rolled a few feet away.  "Come on, I'll walk you back to your dorm."

I hang back, dazed after what just happened.  The adrenaline is slowly emptying out of my system and my heart is trying to normalize, but replaying how close we were a few moments ago kicks everything back into gear.

"You coming?" he calls from behind.  Seeing my disorientation, he smiles teasingly.  "Have you lost your balance to walk too?  Here," he clasps his free hand with mine gently, "I'll help you."

A new tremor of warmth flows through me.  Oh.

[luvknow]

priceless | bang chan [2/2]

genre: rich kid!chan x fem!reader feat. rich kid!felix & rick kid!woojin ; friends-to-lovers ; fluff ; angst ; alcohol consumption ; crazy rich asians inspired summary: lucky you, you fall for the rich and powerful bang chan that every woman has their eyes on and he likes you back! but you get a taste of the luxurious life they all live in and you realize that someone like you isn’t meant to be with someone like him. wc: 13.8k

A week after Singapore, after pouting in your room from sunrise to sunset, you called Woojin and cashed in that offer for a date. You deserved to get out there and find the perfect guy, right? Who knows, maybe it’s Woojin and maybe it’s not, but at least you’d find out. What was the use of wallowing inside after the man of your dreams broke your heart? You weren’t just going to sulk like a loser! No, that’s not what _____ does! You’re way better than that…! Kind of.

Needless to say, it was the best decision you’ve ever made thus far.

Woojin picked you up at your doorstep wearing a light jacket, a white shirt, blue jeans, and loafers. His shoes were the only things that showed a brand name - everything else was plain, but regardless, he couldn’t have looked more handsome in your eyes. His car was a black Audi R8 Spyder, which was definitely still luxurious, but much more toned down than anything Chan or Felix drove. As your heartbeat sped up while pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant, thinking it was going to be some expensive place you couldn’t afford, he pulled up to the local all-you-can eat barbecue shop.

“You’re wearing white to a barbecue joint?” you teased him. “So risky.”

“Call me a daredevil,” he winked.

So off you go on your first date with the son of a CEO of a software company. What you feared the most after agreeing to this was that Woojin would be a constant reminder of the worst weekend you’ve ever had in your young life. Not only were you scared that you would be thinking of someone else while the perfect guy was right across the table, but you were also scared that time would repeat itself. Kim Woojin was one of The Elite, after all.

Maybe it was the endless plates of meat or the infinite bottles of soju or the way you couldn’t breathe from laughing the entire date, but you weren’t reminded about any of your worries at all. The closest thing you got to thinking about last weeks shenanigans was when you couldn’t believe how that horrendous trip brought this beautiful, humble man to you. Was this what they called fate? Or rather the result of the best mistake of your life? Maybe it was too soon to tell.

Dinner lasted until the restaurant had to kick you out because they were closing. You thought you were being so sneaky when you ‘went to the bathroom’ so you could hand the waiter your credit card, but it turned out Woojin beat you to it the second you both stepped through the door.

“I hate you,” you whined after you returned.

“I was the one who asked you out, so I should pay. Those are the rules, silly.”

“So if I ask you out on a second date, would you let me pay?”

The incredibly handsome man raised his brow and you couldn’t believe a gesture so simple was so sexy. “I don’t know, are you asking me?”

“Kim Woojin, I am having an amazing night tonight and would love to go on a second date if you’ll have me.”

“I could never say no to you.”

“Then you’ll let me pay?”

“Are you crazy? Of course not!”

“You just said you couldn’t say no to me!”

“I am a complex man, _____.”

“... I hate you.”

Since neither of you were capable of driving, Woojin ordered two of his drivers to come pick the both of you up. While one of them drove you and Woojin to your place, the other took his car to drive back home. The back seat reminded you of a limousine. The car even had a partition to which Woojin rolled up so you two could make-out for the entire twenty minutes back. Yes, it was kind of, uh, provocative to kiss someone on the first date, but to be fair it’s not like he was a stranger! And it wasn’t your fault you thought he was so hot or that his cologne was so intoxicating or that you tempted him with your lip biting! Yup, definitely all his fault.

Unfortunately, you arrived home, and Woojin walked you to your door hand-in-hand. You turned to say your goodbyes, giggling at how pink and plump his lips were from moments ago. Instead of ending the night with a last kiss on your equally-plump lips, he pressed a sweet one to your forehead.

“I’ll be waiting for you to plan our second date,” he said.

“Text me when you’re home and I’ll get right to it.”

“So eager,” he chuckled cutely. “I like it.”

As soon as Woojin drove off and you safely locked the front door, you squealed like a little school girl and immediately called up Felix to annoy him about how his friend that was like a brother was an amazing kisser.

Since you hopped off the plane until this very moment, this was the longest time in the entire week you haven’t thought about Chan or the girl he was with. For those short hours, you never questioned what she was to him or what you were to him and you felt so free and it felt so good. So if not seeing or talking or texting Chan for a long time meant getting over him would be easier, then drastic times called for drastic measures.

It’s not like he was calling or texting you, anyways. He only made it easier.

You saw Chan while the sun was setting on a Thursday evening. With the sky painted different shades of pink and orange, this sour encounter made this beautiful scenery hideous.

You were on your way to meet with Woojin for a quick dinner before you had to hibernate at home and study for your midterm. He wanted to take you to his favorite bakery close by because he kept on raving about their crepe cake but had yet to take you, so he thought you could use something sweet before you felt miserable while studying because he always had you in mind. Of course you said yes and sent a bunch of heart emojis. 

God, you were so, so lucky to have him.

During the busiest time of the night on the busiest street in the city, that’s when you saw them smiling and giggling like no one else around them mattered.

Like in those dorky dramas Felix always binge watched, time ran in slow motion when you spotted the happy couple. The warm breeze flowed through their matching gold locks and the sky painted their skin in a warm glow. Any passerby could see how well they were meant for each other, especially when they matched wearing Alexander Wang.

You thought to yourself how if the timing was just a bit better during that unfortunate weekend, that could have been you on Chan’s arm instead. How weird would that be? There’s a sharp stab and a deep crack down the middle of your heart that you thought was slowly being repaired, but all of that work came undone when Chan looked up and saw you. Then, like all those dorky dramas, time had halted. No one else passing by mattered.

His face dropped. His smile, his dimples, and his laugh all fell from shock. At this point, it’s been almost a month since he last saw you. He wasn’t mad or upset, like how he left you, he was just surprised. What were the chances he’d run into you while with Sana? But you thought his face twisted that way because you were the last person he wanted to see.

Chan couldn’t read your expression at first. Your eyes shifted from him, to Sana, to his arm linked with hers, and back at him again before you shook off any initial unknown feelings to plaster on your fake smile. It was the same one you gave him the very first time he met you, when you couldn’t stand to be in his presence.

“Hey,” you breathed out nervously.

Chan cleared his throat. “Hi. Long time no see.”

“Yeah…”

The girl beside him also cleared her throat while clinging more tightly. You felt your cheeks burn darkly. Finally, a proper introduction.

“O-Oh, right. _____, this is Sana. Sana, _____.”

She smiled and waved politely. Her blond hair, twinkling eyes, and chic clothes, though black to match Chan, made her very pretty. She was gorgeous, like a model straight from a magazine or the catwalk. Sana was everything you thought Chan wanted in a girl. Hell, even you were charmed by her looks. It was no wonder why her and Chan were together.

They were perfect for each other.

“Nice to meet you,” you smiled back.

“Likewise.”

“Are you guys going out to dinner?”

“Trying to. We always have a hard time deciding between which Osteria to eat at.” Oster-what? “How about you? Heading to the library?”

“Luckily, not tonight. I have some dinner plans, also.”

“Oh, with Felix? We just saw him.”

“No, not him.”

“_____!” someone yelled behind Chan and Sana.

All three of you turned to see Woojin waving to you across the street. Thank God, your knight in shining armor was here to save you from any further embarrassment! 

Of all people, Woojin was the one taking you out to dinner. Not Felix, not even some stranger that you were going on a date with, but Woojin, someone you already had a connection with, someone you spent hours until the sun rose on Chan’s foreign porch laughing until he interrupted. You were going out to dinner with the man who got under Chan’s skin, the man who bested him in almost everything since he was five years old. He remembered being upset whenever Woojin received a higher grade on an exam, he was pissed when he was chosen captain of the basketball team, he was livid whenever his parents compared him to a lowly CEO’s son, and now he was numb after Woojin stole that special spot in your heart that Chan thought was made specifically for him.

When he turned back around, you were no longer awkward and acting like a stranger. In fact, you pretended like he and Sana weren’t even there. You were too focused on waving and grinning at the man across the street. It’s been a while since he last saw you like this, or saw you at all really, with cheeks burning his favorite color, and now another man could claim to be the reason behind it. He used to be the reason, but you didn’t choose him. If the timing was just a little better that unfortunate weekend, that could have been him taking you out to dinner. It wasn’t fair.

Chan’s jaw hurt from clenching so hard.

“I’ll see you guys later,” you said quickly, not even bothering to look at them while you said it. But why would you, when you only had eyes for Woojin?

You looked so happy - happier than you’ve ever been since Chan has known you, even while you two were still friends. When he was with you, of course he knew you were happy, but only because he was a good friend. But when the source of your happiness was coming from someone you had fallen for, someone you wanted to be held and kissed by, someone who made you feel loved, it was nothing compared to how happy Chan made you. He watched you run into Woojin’s arms as he swung you around, peppering little kisses all over your giggling and blushing face. It was then when he turned away and lead Sana far away from there. His chest was hurting.

Chan looked happy. He looked happy to be with someone he could finally relate to - someone who had the same tastes and understood his expensive lifestyle. You two would have never worked out. But that’s ok, because in the end, all you ever wanted for him was to be happy, even if it was without you. There was no use dwelling on what could have been.

Things were better off this way.

Encounters with Chan or with Chan and Sana were becoming more frequent, but the frequency allowed for numbing and now months later, you were able to look at them without your heart feeling like it would shatter to pieces. For that, Felix was thankful because he didn’t have to pick and choose who he could hang out with on certain days nor did he have to hear both sides whining about how weird it was for the other to be with someone else. Of course, things were a little awkward at first, especially when you were left alone together, but it got easier with time, as all things did. You hoped to reach the point where things were almost back to how they used to be, but reaching that point would take a while.

Chan knew you were never good at hiding how awkward you are, so he knew the exact moment when you could look at him normally without shifting your eyes half a second later. It was during Felix’s and Jisung’s joint birthday party at Felix’s place. You offered to be the designated driver tonight so Woojin could have fun with his little bros and Chan did the same because Sana always loved to party. While your two partners were off either drinking some more or rubbing the backs of the puking birthday celebrants, you and Chan caught up outside on the balcony.

“Usually they’re better with their liquor, but I guess no one’s safe on their birthday,” Chan said light-heartedly.

“They’ll regret it in the morning, but at least they’re having fun.”

“Yeah. How about you, though? Having fun?”

“Yeah,” you admitted genuinely. “I am. It’s been a while since we’ve all been together.”

“Last time was, uh, Singapore.”

Your face twisted with disgust. “Well, at least tonight’s a lot better.”

“Agreed.”

There’s a long pause of silence in between. You two didn’t face the city while on the balcony. Instead, you faced inside, watching the chaos the birthday boys created and watching all of your friends having a good time. A fond smile grew on both of your lips.

“I’m sorry,” he said suddenly, interrupting your people watching. “For that Sunday after. I shouldn’t have been so mad at you for talking to Woojin.”

“It’s ok. If it weren’t for you, me and him would probably have never ended up together.” Yeah. If it weren’t for him. “Why were you mad, anyways?”

Chan took a moment to think. How could he word this without sounding selfish? There wasn’t a way, but at least he’d be honest. “I was mad because you came to San’s party with me but then left to be with him.” Chan shook his head shamefully and even laughed a little. “It sounds silly now that I’m saying it aloud.”

Your lips flipped into a frown. “Yeah, it does. I didn’t leave you to be with him just like that. Do you know how out-of-place I felt being at that party alone for those short minutes? Chan, all of your friends kept staring at us the whole night, and they didn’t stop when you left the room! It was suffocating, so then I went to find people who wouldn’t judge me for my net worth. Woojin and Hyunjin were the first people I saw.”

“I know that now. I’m sorry. I was just drunk and when I saw his arms around you, I was furious. That’s how I ended up with Sana that night.”

“Furious? I didn’t think you were that mad...”

“I was because that should have been me you stayed up talking with until the sun rose, not Woojin. I keep thinking about how I shouldn’t have left you alone to begin with.” He sighed tiredly, his lips curling into a lazy smile. Admitting these feelings on Felix’s balcony while everyone in the apartment was dancing and having the time of their life was a heavy subject for two poor sober souls, but Chan was happy with you beside him. Even if you were just friends, he was happy you were here, with him. “Fate had a funny way of playing with us that night. Don’t tell Sana I’m saying this though or she’ll kill me! I would have never reconnected with her if it wasn’t for that night.”

Yes, fate did have a horrible way of playing with your love life.

“You and I…” You hesitated. You shouldn’t be saying this to him, but your heart wouldn’t listen to your mind and empty confessions spilled out before you could stop them. “You and I wouldn’t have worked out anyways, right?”

“You really think that?”

“You think otherwise?”

“I think you and I would have been something else.”

“That’s one way to put it…”

His honey chuckle made you smile, as it always did. Then he looked at you and smiled, too, as he always did.

“I think you and I would have been just fine.”

The idea of you and Chan together being just fine didn’t sound so bad. Maybe the two of you really would have been just fine. Guess you’ll never know.

Chan figured you didn’t want to dwell on that night either, not while your significant others were inside having the time of their lives, so he ushered you to follow him inside and both of you found your way to the opposite side of the room in the arms of your person.

Chan’s reasons for being mad the last day of the Singapore trip would burn permanently into your memories, but you did your best to cover them up because you deserved to be happy - you deserved to be happy with Woojin.

You caught Chan’s gaze eight times that night.

Woojin broke up with you after one year of dating.

One year of dates, one year of kisses, one year of your first ‘I love yous’, and then suddenly it was all over. No amount of life experience could have prepared you for this milestone. Heartbreak from a guy you weren’t even dating was one thing, like it was inevitable to happen falling for someone like Chan, but a broken heart caused by someone who once mended it back together hit you twice as hard.

Despite the resulting pain, Woojin ended it as politely as he could and no bitter tastes were left. It was the simple reason of falling out of love and outgrowing each other’s presence. The spark was no longer there, as he put it. If you were being honest, the feeling was mutual, but somehow you were left with holding broken pieces of what was while he walked away freely and light-heartedly.

Woojin wouldn’t think much of it after that night. He might dwell on it if he sees you once in a while, but he’ll be able to fill the void with someone else in no time. But what about you? What were you to do with the broken pieces you were holding? Just throw them away like they meant nothing? Of course not! These were precious memories mixed in with the pieces of your heart, you couldn’t just throw the whole mess away! Your toxic attraction for any sort of feeling made you hold on to them to properly mourn like you were holding the ashes of some dead childhood pet. Morbid, but hey, this was your way of getting over Woojin.

The first time someone shattered your heart, Woojin was the one to help glue the shards back together. Now that he was the cause of the damage, you were left to deal with the puzzle alone, but that’s ok. It was like a lesson on self-love and discovery, albeit a long, painful, and challenging one. Progress would be slow, but it’d be noticeable.

All of it went down the drain on Chan’s birthday.

The night started off great; Felix dressed you up like a personal life-sized doll in designer clothing per usual (tonight’s brand was Balmain), made his driver drop the both of you off at his holiday house (whatever that meant), and you gave Chan the personalized neon red sign that said ‘BANGer’ he kept on planning to buy but never got around to it. With the biggest grin on his handsome face and your ears deaf from his screaming, he pulled you into the tightest hug - the type of hug you missed very much.

“Ah, _____! What the fuck, this is so dope!!” He screamed, jumping around like a little kid. “I’m gonna hang it up in my studio, come help me!”

He was already halfway up the stairs before you could even think about declining, so you quickly joined him. You’ve only seen his studio in the spare room at his apartment and the one in Singapore, both of which already had the latest technology in everything music, but this studio? This studio had a recording booth! A room in a room!

Chan was setting up the sign just above his triple monitors. You were too busy gawking at the details to help him straighten out the sign.

“Does this look ok?” he asked.

“Uh-huh,” you hummed mindlessly.

“You’re not even looking!”

Finally, you looked up. A happy Chan smiled up at the cherry red sign. “I know it’s a little meh for a gift, but I hope you like it.”

“Are you kidding!? This is the best gift I’ve ever received! It must have cost a lot to get it customized.”

“Don’t worry, it was only a couple of dollar signs on Yelp.”

“Thank you, _____. This means so much to me.”

Chan pulled you into a long, warm hug that made you forget about everything. His hugs always had that kind of effect on you. If you had the option to never leave his arms and forget about the world around you forever, you’d take that opportunity in a heartbeat.

Even after all these years, his cologne never changed.

“Now I’ll always think of you whenever I make songs here,” he said lightly as if those words didn’t hold much weight. “Take a shot with the birthday boy?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Nope.”

Chan led you through the sea of people to the bar where he hired one of the bartenders from his favorite bar. The shot the bartender poured was not some silver or gold liquid you were used to. This one was purple.

“I won’t die, will I?” you gulped nervously.

“You might, no promises. Bottoms up, Buttercup!” Chan downed that shot like it was nothing while you hesitated, which was a mistake because you tasted the vodka and wanted to hurl, but the finish was a sweet, creamy blackberry.

“Oh, that’s dangerous,” you giggled, enjoying the burn that was spreading.

“Just like me,” he winked. “Hey, thank you for coming, by the way. I didn’t think I’d see you tonight.”

“Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“I don’t know… Things are different, I guess.”

“Yeah. Different. But you’re still my friend, so your birthday means a lot to me.”

“Oh, don’t make me blush ~ My birthday isn’t special.”

“Really?” you dead panned as the loud bass, hundreds of party-goers, and the glare of the giant disco ball made you believe that tonight was anything but ‘not special’.

“Don’t give me that look, this wasn’t my idea!”

“Sure it wasn’t. Are you at least happy on your not-so-special day?”

“Yeah. At least now I am,” he smiled genuinely. You wished he’d stop with those flirtatious answers. “How about you? Are you happy?”

You didn’t answer right away, or rather couldn’t think of a proper way to explain what you were feeling. What an odd question to be asked, even though you were the one to ask him first.  Were you happy - like really happy? Were you happy with life in general? No, at least not yet - that would still take some time. Were you happy to be here with Chan? Absolutely, but you couldn’t say that.

While you were choked up on your answer, a worry-filled Chan looked like he was ready to ask you if something was wrong, but then a swarm of his boys pulled him away and dragged him towards the bar on the other side. He couldn’t help but look back at you still, worry still written, but your teasing smile and thumbs up reassured him if only temporarily.

You wondered where Sana was. You hadn’t seen her at all yet.

Half of the night was spent as a wallflower and the other half was in the middle of the dance floor because Felix was trying to help you get out of your funk. Though you protested every time, you hated to admit that it was working, but it was dangerous. Being on the dance floor felt freeing which only led to easy persuasion when offering you drinks, which only fueled your dancing energy and the whole ordeal was just an infinite positive reinforcement of dancing and accepting questionable drinks from Felix.

This was definitely not part of your ‘101 Healthy Steps to Get Over Your Ex’ plan, but it filled the empty void in your heart temporarily and you didn’t mind one bit. Tonight would be your cheat night, so you bottoms-upped in this bitch until your vision was blurry and you somehow ended up in the backyard alone laying on the grass trying to focus on the stars above. Even with a house filled to the brim with people, you still ended up alone.

No matter what you did, the stars had written your fate to make sure you were brought to Chan no matter what. You stopped talking to him and you even dated someone else, yet the stars were so cruel that they made sure you returned to Chan as broken-hearted as you were when you left.

“What are you doing…?”

Chan hovered over you after he scooted over. It was your favorite person to forget who interrupted your moment of existential crisis. “Eh? When did you get here?”

“_____, you goofball, I’ve been out here this whole time. You were the one who imposed on me.”

“Ah, I did? I didn’t even notice.” Hiccup. “Sorry ~”

“Drunk?”

“No ~... A little.”

He cracked a genuine smile for the second time that night. “Why aren’t you drunk inside?”

“Why aren’t you?”

The birthday boy shrugged. “Good question. I didn’t even want to have a party in the first place, but of course Hyunjin said I had to. I kind of got tired of socializing, so now I’m here.”

“But you love socializing. You are Bang Chan.”

“I do, just not today. Now you tell me why you’re out here.”

You sat up and hugged your knees. You might have hesitated talking about this if you were sober, but you weren’t, so your lips talked before you could stop them. “Woojin broke up with me last week.”

“What!?” he screeched incredulously.

“That’s not why I’m out here, I’m out here because the alcohol told me to get some air. Not sure why I even shared that with you…”

“He broke up with you?” he repeated, still unable to believe it. “Unbelievable. What a fucking douche bag! Whatever! You don’t need him! Men ain’t shit, I should know!!”

“You included?”

“Of course I am. I’m the King of Douche Bags.” He hoped to make you laugh, even just a little, but to no avail. “Are you ok?”

You shook your head. “No.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“There’s not much to say. It was nothing bad, he didn’t cheat on me, or anything. This is what happens when the feelings aren’t there anymore, right? I was upset at first, but you know what? I feel good.”

Chan involuntarily straightened his back. Why was he feeling happy? “Then why are you crying?”

Were you crying? You touched your cheek to check, and yup, you were definitely crying. You blamed the alcohol. “I don’t know… I’m not so much sad because Woojin broke up with me rather than I’m all alone again. Loneliness can only be comforting for so long until it’s suffocating.” A shaky sigh escaped your trembling lips. “Chan, what if I don’t find that someone who was meant for me? What if that was it? That was the only chance I had?”

“Hey.” The handsome boy grabbed you by the shoulders and gently shook your crying form like a silly child, hoping maybe that would get you to smile. He leaned in close enough that you could see the stars reflect in his big eyes. He saw the stars reflect in your pool of tears. “That special someone is out there, _____. They’re just taking their sweet ass time because the timing isn’t right just yet. You know how time likes to play these shitty games with us, right?”

“Yeah...”

“Then you just have to be patient. Time wants you to heal from this first before you meet him. You can’t carry this heartbreak when you meet him, right?”

“No…”

“Exactly. Time wants you to be the beautiful, lovable, whole-hearted you before you meet The One. It’s only right.”

“What makes you so sure he’s out there?”

“I know he’s out there because the world would be very cruel if it didn’t inhabit the lucky man who could wipe your tears away and make everything better in a matter of seconds.” Chan plucked pieces of grass from your hair before squishing your tear-stained cheeks together playfully. “I promise he’s out there, ok? The luckiest man in the entire world is somewhere out there waiting to love you every second of the day.”

A week’s worth of healing patched up maybe two pieces of your heart together. There was so much more lying on the ground and mixed in with the broken pieces of your relationship that you struggled to filter through, but finding two pieces of your heart that fit was a small victory you were proud of. But all of it just went down the drain. The two pieces you thought that were glued together by some unmalleable metal tore apart so easily all because of Bang Chan. That was how weak you were for him, whether you already knew it or not. You would dwell on this sometime later when you were sober and shutting yourself out in your room. Who knew you could feel heartbreak worse than when Woojin broke up with you?

Looking at Chan as he let go of your face, you could only think about how Sana was the luckiest woman in the entire world.

It was so hard holding back your urge to kiss him.

“Sana’s lucky to have you be that guy for her,” you admitted quietly.

A bitter chuckle, much different from his honey chuckle, left his lips before he dropped his hands to the ground. “Actually, Sana and I broke up, too.”

“What!? Why?”

“The spark isn’t there anymore, either. What a coincidence, huh?”

“Are you ok?”

“Not yet, but I will be soon.”

“How do you know it’s soon?”

“I just have a feeling,” he nudged playfully.

You hugged your knees once more. “I hope I’ll be ok soon, too.”

“You will be. That I know for sure.” There was a short pause in between, allowing for his heavy words to settle in the deep corners of your heart that would haunt you for a very long time. “Do you want to go inside?”

You shook your head. “No, I’m ok. I’ll stay here for a little longer.”

“Then I’ll stay with you.”

“Don’t stay with a downer like me, go have fun! It’s your damn birthday, for God’s sake.”

“Hey, I’m feeling down, too! You’re not the only one with a broken heart,” he pouted cutely.

“Fine, be my guest, birthday boy.”

“Gladly.”

You and Chan stayed up talking until the sun rose.

Falling for Chan the first time was messy. You were just two young kids in college sitting at a coffee shop before you asked him out to dinner not ten minutes after he arrived. Yes, he was charming, kind, and the result of putting together the ingredients for The Perfect Man, but you didn’t take into account his lavish lifestyle and his equally-lavish friend group, the stark differences between you, or the lack of reciprocated feelings while driving down the road of falling for Chan filled with potholes.

The first time didn’t work out so well. Clearly.

Falling for Chan the second time was almost too easy. Maybe it had to do with how nothing had changed at all. He still lived his expensive lifestyle and shared it with the same friends, you shared close to nothing in common, and you didn’t even want to think about what his feelings were towards you, but not thinking about all of the above was what made it easy. This was how it was supposed to be the first time - easy, but most importantly, natural.

It started out slow for the sake of you trying to put yourself back together after the break-up. You had relied on Woojin when the first round with Chan didn’t work out, but you couldn’t give the same responsibility to Chan or anyone else. This was yours to fix on your own without any help and you made sure to take your sweet-ass time.

“This whole self-love thing is so hard,” you groaned to him while on the way to lunch. It was the weekend and you had just rolled out of bed at noon without anything to eat yet and that’s when Chan took the liberty of dragging you out for some lunch and sunshine because sleeping in was definitely not contributing to your whole ‘piecing yourself back together’ plan.

“It’s supposed to be. Stuff like this isn’t easy, _____.”

“But why do you seem so put together? How come you’re not as miserable and conflicted as I am?”

“Time heals wounds differently for everybody. Besides, I wasn’t all that upset to begin with.”

“No offense, but she broke up with you on your birthday, how could you not be totally miserable right now?”

“Who said she broke up with me?” your handsome friend defended with a scoff. “Is that what everyone’s saying!? God, I knew she was going to twist the story! I was the one who broke it off on my birthday!”

“Really? This whole time I thought otherwise.” Did that mean he was the one who lost that spark? “Can I ask why?”

“Nope.”

“What, no fair! I talked about my whole break up to you!”

“_____, please, I… I’m still healing… I can’t talk about this… I’ll cry…” he snickered.

“What a load of crap!”

“I’ll tell you soon enough, I promise.”

“But when will that be?”

“When the reason for breaking up doesn’t matter anymore.”

“How can you be over her when the reason for the break up still matters?”

“I am a complex man.”

“Complex is an understatement.”

Chan roughly wrapped his arm and lightly crushed your neck between his bicep and forearm before messing up your already birds nest tangle of hair like boys who used to bully you in kindergarten. A low whine came from your lips before you shoved him away.

“I’m glad you always agree to go out with me whenever I come and bother you,” Chan admitted proudly.

“I can’t let you be the only one reborn from the ashes.”

“You’ll be reborn a much stronger phoenix, I know that for sure. I’m just saying I know the healing process isn’t easy right now, but I promise you it gets better.”

“I know. It’s challenging, but…”

“But?”

“Having you with me makes it easier.”

The lips of the handsome blond beside you curled into a grin. “That so?”

“Yes… No need to get cocky.”

“I didn’t even say anything!”

“You didn’t have to.”

Chan sighed dramatically. “Well, just know I’ll always be a phone call away if some days are harder than others.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Anything for you.”

Some days were definitely much harder than others. Some days you’d stay in and shut yourself out from the world while tucked under your covers reading a sad book or binging a bunch of sad movies - anything as long as it made you cry because you believed this was the only way to get all the tears out. While you did that during the day, the nights were spent switching between old memories with Woojin and newer ones with Chan. Of course memories from both of those heart breakers were happy at one point, but now they just reminded you of what used to be and what could never be. This was like the opposite of being stuck between two lovers, but infinitely worse in every aspect possible.

On those days, you never put the burden on Chan even when he insisted it wasn’t a bother at all. If you did, you’d be cycling back to your old ways of relying on someone else to heal you at your current state, and look how that turned out the first time! For now, you enjoyed the re-development of a relationship between you and an old friend with some space in between, slowly and naturally.

A few all-nighters, emotional breakdowns in front of Chan at the quiet section of the library, and seven boxes of Thai noodles later, you somehow managed to make it to graduation with a full-time job lined up for you to start a couple weeks later. College was a fucking mess if you had to dumb it down to a single sentence, but as the saying goes, you wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

“Can you believe it?” he asked, shoveling the same Thai noodles into his mouth on your tiny balcony for what might be the last time while still wearing your graduation gowns. “We made it!”

“Just barely…”

“Barely still means we made it, so it’s an accomplishment in my books.”

“Chan the optimist, as usual.”

“One of us has to be.”

You sighed contently. The air was warm, the food was hot, the company was much needed. Today was a good day. “Got any plans now that we’re real adults in the real world with real problems?”

“You know them already - gotta run the charity organization while they polish me into the rightful heir of the hotel chain. It’s what the prophecy had foretold.”

“Of course I know that, Mr. Bang Chan of the Bang’s Luxury Hotel chain,” you teased, dropping a saucy broccoli into his box. “I mean like personal plans. Are you moving out? Getting a dog? Buying a new Ferrari?”

“I might move out. Four thousand square feet gets a little stuffy sometimes.” You gave him the dirtiest look and he smiled innocently. “I just want to go with the flow while I can. Let things happen naturally, you know?”

“Naturally sounds nice.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“What about your partying days?”

“Oh, of course I’ll still go out. I’d go mad if I didn’t. Real business moguls black out when they do, you know. My father knows that all too well. And you’ll accompany me, right?”

“Why would I ever agree to that?” you scoffed. The mere thought of seeing either Woojin or Sana - or worse, both - at any of Chan’s fancy shmancy parties without any Margiela on made you want to choke on broccoli.

“Because it’s all part of the healing process, baby! What better way to forget about your ex than to wash the memories away with alcohol!? A cleansing, if you will.”

“Chan, that was so long ago! I can’t even remember the last time I thought about Woojin.”

“Really?”

It was true, you honestly couldn’t remember. It helped that you almost never saw him, give or take someone’s Snapchat story, but otherwise you were just fine. It also helped that seeing Chan’s face practically every other damn day helped push your ex to the back corners of your mind, but that was a detail you could leave out.

“If I can look at a picture of him without crying, I think I’m pretty much over him.”

“Hey, that’s great! We should celebrate some time.”

“Celebrate that it only took, what, like six months for me to get over some guy I dated for a year?”

“Gotta celebrate the little victories, my dear.”

“Does this count as accompanying you to your lavish parties?”

“Nope. Speaking of which, I do have one planned, but it’s not for a while. Would you like to join me?”

You raised a suspicious brow. Ah yes, the very quirk that made his heart beat for you when you first met. It still had the same effect. “Depends. What is it?”

“Oh, you’re gonna have a ball with this one. Ready?” You nodded eagerly. “It’s San and Mina’s wedding.”

“What!?” your shrill giggle echoed into the night. 

“I know, right!?”

“When the hell did he even propose!?”

“While I was picking up the food, I got a Snapchat with the huge ass boulder on her finger saying ‘everyone’s invited to the wedding!’ and when he means everyone, San means everyone. That man literally could not have waited for a couple more months to use his damn salary money and not his father’s music industry money? I suppose he has nothing to lose these days. I just hope they get a prenup.”

“Wait, hold on, this is a lot to take in - he proposed tonight? Like, an hour ago?”

“Mhm.”

“Oh, my God, they are both so stupid.”

“You’re telling me. I witnessed all that mess in real time.”

“Do they already have a wedding date?”

“No, but I wanted to ask if you’d like to come along anyways. San has taken quite a liking to you since the Singapore trip, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you as my plus one.”

“You don’t know when the wedding is, but you’re already asking me to be your plus one?”

He looked at you with his shining eyes and dimpley smile as if you had already agreed to be his date. “I wouldn’t want to ask anyone else.”

You shyly turned away but couldn’t deny a growing smile of your own. Chan and his way with words… How were you ever supposed to deny him? “Fine, but if you find a girlfriend before the wedding, I’m still going no matter what.”

“Hard to believe when you sounded so disgusted at the idea not too long ago.”

“That was before I knew it was a wedding. I’m a sucker for centerpieces.”

“Well, don’t worry about not being my plus one. You’re going no matter what.”

You were convinced time was a form of black magic. The six months it took you to get over Woojin felt like a never ending cycle of slow death by self-depreciation, but the six months since you graduated up until now flew by before you could blink. It was probably from all the first-job excitement, moving into a bigger apartment, and always being around your two favorite blonds that made the transition into adulthood enjoyable. Life was finally starting to go your way for once.

“The best man, huh?” Felix pondered.

In the kitchen, you were fixing Chan, Felix, and yourself three mugs of the richest hot chocolate you’ve ever tasted imported from Mexico in Chan’s rustic white marble and dark chestnut kitchen in a small copper pot over an induction stove top. Tonight, you and Felix thought you were celebrating your friend moving into his new loft, but it turned out he needed company and reassurance as he was just given the ever-so honored title of being San’s best man at his wedding, which was a week away, six months after he proposed to Mina with a fat-ass VVS1-grade diamond with a band of tinier diamonds set in platinum. Seated on the Bradford plum velvet sofa was a stressed Chan clutching his hair as he buried his head in his hands.

You settled the three mugs on top of the coffee table that looked like it once was part of the trunk of a young redwood. “I didn’t know you and San were that close.”

“That’s the thing, we aren’t!” Chan cried out. “Sure, we went to the same summer school in Singapore every year and then attended the same high school and university, but I see him like what, only every time we party? That’s it! Hell, I don’t even see him in class! Yet he still chose me as his best man.”

“Why are you complaining? Being the best man is so dope!” Felix said.

“How?”

“For starters, you get a whole new designer tux with some jewel-encrusted cufflinks without having to buy one ‘cuz San will probably pay for it, you’re next to the center of attention without any real commitment, and you’ll be the most wanted bachelor at the closest thing Asia’s got to having a Royal Wedding!”

“San does like to call you the most eligible bachelor,” you teased a pouty Chan.

“That’s because he is the most eligible bachelor under twenty-five for the third year in a row.”

“The results came out already? Damn, I bet Minghao’s pissed.”

“Absolutely livid.”

“Guys, focus!” the eldest whined. “How am I gonna get out of this!?”

“Well, for starters, you aren’t.”

“Why not!?”

Chan was smart, but why was he so dumb when it came to women and parties? You could tell that Felix was getting a bit frustrated. “Because you already said yes! And frankly, I don’t see what the big deal is!”

“_____, some help here?” Chan begged tiredly.

You took a moment to sip on the velvety chocolatey goodness. “I have to agree with Felix here. You already said yes, and it’d be pretty shitty of you to call San up and be like ‘haha, never mind.’”

“I wouldn’t say ‘haha’…”

“Reiterate again why you don’t want to be the best man?”

“Does this not scare either of you? _____, we just graduated and people our age are already getting married! Isn’t that terrifying!?”

“Well, yeah, but the important thing is I’m not getting married, so it’s not as frightening.”

“You don’t understand,” Felix began. “Our parents pressure kids like us - the high-class snobs, as you kindly described - to get married soon after graduating college. Like, really soon. Something about wanting to be grandparents at a young age… It’s a weird flex.”

“How come you’re not as stressed as Chan?”

“Do I look like a father-figure to you?” The newly-brunette boy scoffed. “I don’t care what my parents say, I’m not getting married until I’m forty. Besides, I still have a couple more years in school.”

“Ok, so I can understand why you’re a little stressed… But come on, this should be something to celebrate! You get to plan the bachelor party, say the best man speech, get first dibs at the bar and second dibs on wedding cake, I mean what could go wrong?”

Chan chugged the rest of the hot chocolate. “The only thing that could go terribly wrong is that the bachelor party is tomorrow… and I have yet to plan it…”

“Yikes…”

“Oh, I know the perfect strip club -”

“Felix!” you burned darkly.

“What!? A bachelor party isn’t complete without a strip club!”

You and Felix stayed at Chan’s place until three in the morning planning out San’s perfect bachelor party. You knew Chan had a lot of money, but this was one of the few times you were reminded with how much power he really had. The first thing that distinguished bachelor parties of the normal citizens like yourself versus The Privileged like Chan and Felix was that theirs started at eight in the morning. The first stop was to San’s favorite breakfast place that served their famous ricotta and jam on brioche and lobster benedict, and of course bottomless mimosas and Sex on the Beaches. Next would be flying Chan’s private jet to island-hop in the Philippines while swimming in different caves and drinking coconut juice straight from the shell. Then it was back to the homeland for dinner where all the groomsmen were personally served heavy, salty steaks at San’s home that would help soak up for what the night had in store for them. Finally, it was the coup de grace, where the real party began after hours.

Chan didn’t think he could survive past 5:00 pm.

chan is the sexiest man alive [4:08 pm]: omg i can’t do this anymore.

When did he change his name on your phone?

you [4:10 pm]: it’s barely nighttime. you have at least 12 more hours to go, buddy.

chan is the sexiest man alive [4:14 pm]: kill me pls, i can’t take anymore of them showing me girls on tinder and seeing who has the better abs.

you [4:15 pm]: just out of curiosity, who DOES have the better abs? you know, for science.

One second later, Chan sent you a Snapchat. It was a bit suspicious that he sent it so fast, but you figured since they were all together that he took a quick pic of one of the guys, but it ended up being a mirror picture of himself shirtless with the caption ‘me, of course ;)’ There was always a good amount of traffic around your desk at work and you were ready to throw your phone against the wall in case anyone got a peek at you looking at something so scandalous. You put your phone face-down and covered your burning face in your hands, taking a few minutes to calm down before you responded.

you [4:27 pm]: omg i’m at work, don’t send me nudes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chan is the sexiest man alive [4:30 pm]: how insulting! as if i’d ever take nudes in that lighting!

You avoided opening his Snaps until you were in the comfort of your home.

It was easy to say that your friendship with Chan had reached that point where it used to be before the infamous Singapore trip, but something was different, as if it was beyond what it used to be. No longer did you have a stiff back and watched what you said around him or cared too much about what or at what time you were texting him, but you had it all backwards - you should have been over-analyzing Chan instead of yourself the past few months. How was it possible that he was even more flirtatious than when you knew him a few years ago? Could it be possible that he was, dare you say, trying something?

Well, it would make a little bit of sense, right? Both of you are single, you’re around each other a lot, you practically know the ins and outs of each other by now after seeing every facet of each other every other day. But for you to believe that Chan had any residual feelings left for you sounded insane and what was even crazier to think that he was acting on it! It sounded stupid, right, like why would he want to restart the cycle of what ended up becoming your relationship downfall?

Could you take another trip down that road again? Think about it, there were two possibilities; the happy, calming ending made sure you two ended up together while the other ending restarted the downward spiral to your descent as a woman. The fifty-fifty chance sounded worth it to risk it for the biscuit, but you had to remind yourself every time you thought you were falling for Chan again that you weren’t a part of that lifestyle, and you never would be.

After going over your two hours overtime limit, you came home exhausted and a little lonely. Fast food and ice cream didn’t have the same comfort as it used to but you weren’t going to admit it was because you missed Chan and was wondering what he was doing. Other than all the island hopping and stuffing their face with edible gold, what do a bunch of guys in their mid-twenties do during a weekend-filled bachelor party?

Oh, my God, they were probably at the strip club! Were you missing a guy who was getting a lap dance right now!? Stupid, _____, stupid -!

The doorbell tore you away from your anxiety. You weren’t expecting anyone or any food, so either you were about to get a pleasant surprise or get murdered, either of which you were completely fine with.

On the other side of the door was a seemingly-sober Chan holding a plastic bag. Of course, you couldn’t get the imagine of his naked torso out of your mind.

“Hey,” he greeted with a crooked smile. “Hungry?”

This was like the start of a terrible porn video.

You did your best to shove that imagine in a dark corner of your memory. “Shouldn’t you be out with the guys taking shots on an unnamed island or in the club dancing with strangers?”

“Why do that when I can eat delicious Michelin-star leftovers on your couch? Also, San blacked out at 6:00, so I had time to sneak out.”

Still confused, you let the strange man into your home who went straight to the kitchen to prepare you the prettiest plate, even if it was just leftovers. He plated your meal as if he was the head chef - he did the spoon-thing with a dollop of sauce, spread the veggies in a pretty manner, and then made the star of the meal stand in the very center.

“Madam, your meal,” he said in a fake accent, placing it in front of you on your kitchen island. “Your kitchen is way bigger than your old place.”

“Yeah, once I got an offer at my job, I wanted to upgrade a little, especially the kitchen. Do you like?”

“I really like! All the marble and stainless steel feels so luxurious.”

You squinted at your awestruck friend. “Don’t patronize me, Bang Chan.”

“I’m not even!”

“Your kitchen is the size of my whole apartment and you’re telling me my kitchen is luxurious?”

“Well, I didn’t say ‘compared to mine’,” he defended with a pout.

There’s some silence before you dig into your first bite of heaven with flavors you never thought could exist. “Holy shit.”

“Good, huh? We ordered way too much, so everyone was able to bring home some food in case they needed something to soak up the alcohol.”

“Speaking of which, you never properly answered my question; why are you here completely sober when you should be wasted with the Groom-to-be?”

Chan shrugged before stretching his arm across the back of your chair. “Like I said, he passed out.”

“Yeah, but you and the others could have partied some more.”

“They were all too preoccupied, so I saw an opportunity to escape and I gladly took it. Did you know that bachelor parties aren’t what they seem if you’re the Best Man? You would think the Best Man would be the second person to black out after the Groom-to-be, but no~o, this title meant you were the babysitter! Do you know how tiring it is making sure no one falls off the yacht or takes a piss on sacred island property!?”

“I can only imagine…”

“Right!? I got tired of it, so I came here instead.”

To think you were the first person and place in Chan’s mind to come to at this hour after a long day really did a number on your fragile heart. Of all the things he could be doing, he chose to be here with you.

“Aren’t you tired? You shouldn’t have gone out of your way to come here and feed me.”

“I’m exhausted, but that’s ok.” The arm that was once on the back of your chair had now found its way around your shoulders. He felt safe and warm. “I’d rather hang out with you instead, making up for lost time.”

“You don’t think we’ve made that up already? We see each other like every other day.”

“It’s not enough,” he said genuinely, enjoying the blushing color of your cheeks. “You know during bachelor parties, you’d think all the guys would talk about their days when they were single or be like, ‘ah San, you better enjoy the single life while it lasts’.”

“Did they not say that?”

“No! Can you believe that? San called Mina like, five times today to tell her what was happening! Everyone who had someone was talking about their significant others or how much they missed them the whole time! I swear, I was the only actual bachelor there! But then when we were all on the beach, digging our toes in the hot sand and drinking coconut juice, I got to thinking…”

In the midst of his storytelling, you were a bit preoccupied with finishing your food and thought he’d finish his sentence with ease, but that wasn’t the case. When the silence was unbearable, you turned and hoped he wasn’t about to pass out on you and gladly he didn’t, but instead he was looking at you with his intense gaze that was somehow soft at the same time - like you were a precious jewel he had searched eons for but happened to be ten feet away this whole time. It was different than any look he ever gave you before. It was hard to read his face and you couldn’t even begin to predict what he was thinking about, but you didn’t miss the way his eyes would shift to your lips and you could only assume from there. You returned the gaze with a wide and nervous one of your own, making Chan break his suave character and let out a smooth chuckle.

“What were you thinking…?” you whispered.

Chan opened his mouth ready to say what was in his heart, but then stopped himself. No, he couldn’t confess how much he wished you were with him earlier today or how he talked about you to the guys tonight or how he wanted to try the whole dating thing just yet. What you two had right now was working and if something were to happen then it’ll happen, slowly and naturally.

He shook his head. “Nothing. Just that all my friends are softies, I guess.”

You breathed a sigh of relief hoping that would help alleviate your racing heart. “Well, you’re not wrong.”

“They’ll be even softer next week for the wedding. I bet all of them will cry - I bet you will cry.”

“Oh, no doubt am I gonna stuff tissues in my dress just in case.”

“Don’t cry too much or I’ll feel bad as your date.”

“Don’t you have an assigned date already? Like someone from the bridal party you have to sit with at the fancy table?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does! Who will I sit with?”

“Felix, of course! He’s your replacement date until I’m free of all Best Man duties.”

“Ah, yes, a girl loves having a replacement date,” you pouted, popping the last pomegranate seed into your mouth.

“I’ll be all yours when the dance floor opens, ok? You’ll dance with me, right?”

“Hm, I’ll see if I can fit you in after I dance with my replacement date, of course.”

Chan kissed his teeth and said, “You are so funny.” Then, he pulled you in a light headlock and teased your hair. The air filled with both of your laughs.

“Fine! I think I can squeeze in one dance!”

“Promise?”

“Promise!”

“Good.” He finally released his hold on and helps fix your mess of hair. “Since I annoyed you all day talking about this bachelor party, wanna tell me about your day?”

“You wanna hear my boring complaints about my co-workers and how they still treat me like a newbie?”

Chan cutely propped an elbow on the counter top and rested his chin on his palm. “Tell me all about it.”

“How much time do you have?”

“All night, baby.”

Another sunrise was spent with Chan. 6:00 am was a little sweeter with the sun by your side.

“Does this make my ass look nice?”

‘Tis the season for helping Felix shop for his outfit on a Saturday afternoon just hours before the ceremony would begin. He’s tried on at least a dozen tuxedos, in different shades of black and burgundy, in every fabric Dior had to offer. On a chair outside of the fitting room, you sat holding tiny bags that held different cufflinks, tie clips, earrings, and watches. In front of you, Felix was wearing a classic black tux with a collarless white shirt underneath unbuttoned at just the right length.

“Your ass always looks nice,” you muttered bitterly.

“But is it nice enough to bring home one of the bridesmaids?”

“Felix!”

“What else am I gonna do at the wedding!? I can’t just eat and drink all night! Now is this a yes or a no?”

“I don’t know, I kind of liked the navy one more.”

“I wear that kind of stuff to work. Did you like the Tailleur oblique style?”

“Hated it, you looked like you had a stick up your butt.”

“How about the one with the button placket detail?”

“Ooh, I actually did like that one -”

“Gotcha. You heard the lady, Mr. Kim, box it up! Wait, what color?”

“U-Uh, black?”

Before you could count to ten, you and Felix were already out the door with the entire outfit. How was shopping with your best friend both the slowest and quickest thing?

“Do you want to borrow one of my sisters’ dresses tonight?” the overzealous boy asked.

“God, no, I’m never doing that again.”

“Why not? You look so good in them.”

“It makes me look like I want to fit in with your people and that is definitely not what I want to do, and you should know that by now. I am perfectly fine with what I already have.”

Felix groaned dramatically as you both stepped into the back seat of his Rolls Royce. “We’re not dumb college kids anymore, _____, we’re adults going to a wedding and I don’t think ‘my people’ would care if you’re borrowing. I can’t stop them from asking who you’re wearing, though.”

“I’m fine, Felix. Let me enjoy my mediocrity with fake ignorance.”

“Kind of hard for you to do that with Chan around, isn’t it?” Felix nudged you playfully.

“What do you mean?”

“That the most eligible bachelor under twenty-five has taken quite a liking to you again. Ah, it makes me feel young ~”

You felt your face and body burn. “Shut up, no he doesn’t.”

“Open your eyes, _____! He never wants to hang out with any of us this often, he didn’t even see Sana that often!”

“We’re just… making up for lost time…?” Even to you, that sounded like a question.

“Lost time my ass, that time was made up twice as much by now.” The spoiled, but kind man beside you shook his head at how oblivious some of his smartest friends were. “All I’m saying is tonight is a night for love, so take advantage of it.”

That was all you could think of the entire time you and Felix were getting ready. Had you really missed all the obvious signs that Chan liked you or were you purposefully not looking for even the slightest signs so you wouldn’t fall down the rabbit hole again?

After lunch and setting aside a couple of hours to get ready, Felix finally entered his living room where you patiently waited wearing a long gown.

“That’s what you’re wearing?” he tisked loudly. “No, you’re wearing one of my sister’s dresses.”

“Why!? I look fine!”

“Chan’s going to look like the finest marbled piece of Wagyu beef and you’re going to look like the discounted cut compared to him. Do you want that to be the imagine of when you two confessed to each other?”

“First of all, rude, second of all, there’s no confessing!”

“Yeah, ok ~ Now come on, I have the perfect piece.”

You thought an Elie Saab Fall-Winter 2017 couture piece was way too over the top with all the beadings and metallic details, but Felix insisted that you’d be on the muter side compared to all the other women attending and you took his word for it. Luckily, he was right. As his driver pulled up to the venue in the other Rolls Royce, you saw guests both familiar and unfamiliar piling in like a bunch of male peacocks trying to outdo the person who entered the venue before them. You almost thought this was some haute couture fashion show instead of a wedding by the way everyone was dressing like they came straight from the runway.

The venue was out of this world. It took you a moment to realize that it was the Contemporary Art Museum you were walking up to. Instead of the exhibits of the season being hung up and displayed in all the rooms, it was a display of San and Mina’s personal collections ranging from massive Asian scroll paintings to Takashi Murakami flowers and from loose jewels to ones set in silver crowns. It was crazy what old money could buy, especially if it went towards butlers dressed in all white handing out flutes of champagne and candied fruits on silver platters.

“This is insane!” you gushed quietly, trying hard not to stand out.

“And unnecessary… Is this a wedding or an auction?” Felix groaned with disgust.

Red rose petals on the floor lead the party into the largest room in the museum where the entire ceiling was open to let the setting sun rays spill in. Five people were hidden at the top with huge baskets full of petals ready to be gently sprinkled whenever the cue was given. Everyone gathered to their respective side of the wedding party and not-so-patiently waited for the whole affair to begin. All you and Felix could hear was people either complaining about how plain the chairs were decorated or complementing the clever use of organic decorations, both raw and dipped in gold.

While trying to take every detail in, Felix nudged you as everyone hushed quiet.

“Yo, your future groom is coming.”

“Shut up!” you hissed.

Eagerly, you and the rest of the guests turned around as the party silently walked in. Doesn’t music normally play, or something? Second to last, just before San walked in, Chan made his way down the rose petaled-aisle. His tux was clean and traditional, though even from far away, you could tell how expensive the material was. He was so effortlessly handsome that you forgot how to breathe for a moment. Can you believe that? That you were so affected by his mere presence? It was incredible. He spotted you as he approached the front and shot you a quick wink before stepping up to where the live band was and picking up his guitar.

Chan cleared his throat. Then, he began to strum the chords to Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley.

As the slow hum of the guitar echoed throughout the venue, rose petals gently floated from above as the bridal party walked in. Each bridesmaid dress was different from the last, catering to the tastes of each woman and all in different shades of sage green that matched the organic style of the decorations. At the first perfectly timed step onto the aisle from the first bridesmaid, Chan began to sing, and that’s when you directed all of your attention to him.

While the entire room - the guests, the groomsmen, the officiant, and the groom himself - all looked at the graceful bridesmaids and awaiting the bride, you were faced forward looking at Chan. He stared at no one else but you, with his soft and loving eyes, as if he were singing this song just for you.

“Wise men say only fools rush in,” he sang gently. “But I can’t help falling in love with you.”

The world was cruel for allowing this moment to happen. You felt like all the repairs done to your fully-healed heart were going to unravel at any second. Then what would you do? What would be left of you?

If listening to Chan’s beautiful voice as he looked at you like you were the center of his world meant all progress would be lost, then so be it.

Somewhere near the last third of the song, Mina walked in, and everyone stood up to watch the beautiful bride also wearing Elie Saab walk down the aisle. Even when you tried to focus on the star of the ceremony, you couldn’t and found yourself back to Chan for the duration of the song.

He still had his eyes on you. ‘Only look at me.’

“Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be.” Slowly and naturally. “Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I can’t help falling in love with you…”

As tears pooled in your eyes, Chan could only smile. That meant he was teasing - ‘Why are you crying, love?’ You reciprocated one that said, ‘I don’t know. Pathetic, right?’

His angelic voice drifted away and so did the music and the falling petals. Before you realized it, the moment was over and he was standing next to San. No tears fell, but you had to avoid blinking or else the dam would break and everything would flow freely.

From the officiant’s greetings up until just before the vows, you were able to finally calm down and get your life back in order. But of course, like most weddings, it was the vows that brought the guests, yourself included, to tears. When San referred to his fiance-to-be as the light of his life and Mina similarly addressed her man as the sunshine after the rain, the familiar pang of jealousy hit your chest that finally made the tears pour.

One day you’d find the sun to your moon. Chan hoped it was still him.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the officiant proclaimed. “You may now kiss the bride!”

Another cycle of rose petals (white this time) rained lightly on the parade of the exiting wedding party. You watched in envy as San and Mina walked hand-in-hand, locking eyes and exchanging smiles. Chan passed you once more with another heart-stopping wink. Thank God that was over - you seriously needed some fresh air. Luckily, the reception was just outside in the garden of the museum. You hoped this moment away from Chan would be long enough for you to forget the past hour.

By the time all eight hundred guests entered the massive garden, the sun had set and the sky was the perfect gradient from indigo to marigold. It was like the sun refused to set on this glorious, blessed day, just for the newly-wedded Mr. & Mrs. Choi. The transition from twilight to night was a slow burn but you and Felix passed the time with hors d'oeuvres and more flutes filled with sparkling gold. Was this what rich people did in purgatory before they descended into their personally-decorated hell lofts? You could get used to this.

Your’s and Felix’s table placements was presumably the cool people’s table, as he put it. Your names were embossed in bronze on an acrylic rectangle with Table 9 underneath cursive letters. From Minho to Jeongin and company, the whole gang was there on the runway-like. Sans Woojin, who was rumored to be in Italy (thank God). You weren’t kidding about being excited about the centerpieces - they definitely didn’t disappoint! You couldn’t name half of the blossoms a single color! You’d be sure to steal some later…

As soon as the sun was beneath the horizon, the glow of the floating lanterns on the center pond and the twinkling lights gathered around the massive perimeter were the only sources of light, though your surroundings weren’t dim at all. Then your moment of peace and easy-breathing was over too soon.

The wedding party had changed their attire completely. Now, the men wore grey and the women wore a specific shade of pink you swear you’ve never seen before. They all walked in paired up, walking the same amount of steps from the archway to their seats and you wondered how long that must have taken at rehearsals. Chan was the last to walk in linking arms with Sana, the Maid of Honor.

Well, that was one way to take your attention off of him. Instead of ooh-ing and aw-ing with the crowd, you counted the petals of the blossoms in the center of your table.

You avoided his gaze all throughout dinner, obviously too engaged in the discussion of whose private jet was the most luxurious or who looked best on the Alexander Wang runway (the consensus was Hyunjin for both). The sunset cocktails helped fuzz all sensation, including the way Chan burned holes in the side of your head.

Why wouldn’t you look at him? Was it because he sang to you with his heart on his sleeve? Were you thinking about Woojin? Was it the way Sana clung to him?

Chan stood up and clinked his flute with a salad fork.

“Speech! Speech ~!” the boys at your table cheered.

“Hello, everyone. For those that don’t know me, my name is Bang Chan and I am San’s best man.” An eruption of cheers and whistles came from all the guests. “Oh boy, where do I start? Our time together began at the party country of the world. We spent every summer at Singapore’s International Boys School and when we’ve been going there since five years old, we sort of learned to think on the same wavelength. We have the same tastes in food, we drink our body weight in liquor, we spend our parents’ money like there’s no tomorrow, and…”

He paused, taking a quick glance to make sure you were looking. You were.

“And we wear our hearts on our sleeves. We love until our hearts hurt and feel like they’re going to burst. Mina has had the lovely privilege of dealing with that all throughout college and now she’s been gifted with the lifelong task of doing just that.” Laughter faded into the night. “Mina, you married a man who would talk about you so much that there were moments when I thought that I was dating you! You’re the first person on his mind when he wakes up and the last person he thinks of when he falls asleep and I know this because I am both the first and last person he texts every day. There isn’t a day that goes by where he hasn’t mentioned you. Regardless of the infinite gushy, cringey, nauseating talks, Mina, you married a man who loves with his whole heart and he’s lucky he’s found someone who loves him the same. Without realizing it, you two have taught me to be honest with my feelings and honest with how I love and for that, I thank you. I should be as shameless with whom I love the same way San is so shameless with Mina. Truly, I envy you both. You two complete each other - you have a love like no other and I hope my Mina will find me someday. San, you’ll be the first to know.”

The rest of the ceremony feels numb after that. Voices and words didn’t register, the food didn’t taste like anything, and you couldn’t even smell the blossoms anymore. You should have known coming to this wedding was going to be a terrible idea! Nothing made sense anymore! When the dance floor opened and the people scattered all over with the chairs in disarray, you hoped to use this opportunity to escape this fishbowl.

Weaving through bejeweled people and marble statues, you tried to find your way out of the party, but somehow you ended up in the opposite direction. Now you were facing the Grande fountain sculpted from some alloy which was the piece located furthest from the museum. Now you had to turn around and weave through all over again, but that could wait until after you caught your breath.

“Hey, beautiful. Are you lost?”

Chan had followed you in hopes of catching you before you could escape. He knew you well enough to predict that something like this might happen, but he wasn’t going to let you go without a fight, or at least an explanation. Luckily, you were directionally-impaired.

When you didn’t turn to face him, he continued. “The party’s back there, you know.”

“Yeah, I just needed some space,” you lied.

“Some space to escape perhaps?”

“Perhaps.”

“_____.”

You finally turned around with glistening tears in your eyes that reflected the stars. You’re tired - tired of trying to keep up with your friends’ lifestyles, tired of trying to keep it together, and tired of falling apart all because of the man in front of you who held out his hand.

“You promised me a dance,” he said. “Will you dance with me?”

You nodded silently - a promise is a promise. You thought he would drag you all the way back to the party and take you to the middle of the dance floor, but you failed to remember how well Chan knew you. Instead, he pulled you in close right there in the shadows of the garden, with one hand holding the one you gave him and the other resting on the small of your back. You both danced to the quiet hum of the live band off in the distance.

“Free of your Best Man duties?” you asked, breaking the tense silence.

“For now, at least until I have to babysit again. I think a few of the single groomsmen are feeling lonely, so it’s my job to comfort them and tell them how they’ll all find their Mina someday.”

He managed to make you smile a little. “Such a good friend, you are.”

“I like to think so.” Chan let go of your hand and fixed a loose strand that fell in front of your face. “How do you like the wedding so far?”

“How do you think I like it,” you deadpanned.

“Hard to tell. I can never tell if your tears are from happiness, or you’re sad, or just so full of emotion…?”

“How about all of the above?”

“I don’t like that answer.”

“What do you want me to say? That I’m happy to be in the same environment around the same people that ruined us in the first place?” You took a step back, breaking his hold on you. “Chan, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep feeling anxious around you and your friends and all your money anymore, I can’t keep questioning whether I’m even worthy of being your friend, and I definitely can’t keep wondering whether the way you look at me with those soft eyes and-and that small smile thing you do is anything other than that’s just how you look at all of your friends!”

Chan did exactly that. He looked at you with those half-lidded eyes and wore a curly, cheeky smile that teased you to no end.

“That’s it! That’s the look! The same one you gave me singing that sappy love song earlier!”

Lightly chuckling, he took the hand you pointed accusingly at him with and gently pulled you to him once more. Even after you cried out about being unable to do whatever this was between you anymore, he pulled you back in his arms like it was nothing.

“I don’t think I look at Felix like this,” Chan teased. “At least I definitely didn’t today.”

“Yeah, I know, because all you did was stare me down like a sniper shooter.”

“Did it really feel like that!? I’m sorry.”

“Why…”

“Why…?”

“Why do you look at me the way you do?”

He tucked another strand behind your ear. “Because you drive me crazy. There’s no one else I’d rather look at. And maybe one day, you’ll be able to look at me the same way.”

“Like how…?”

“Like you love me.”

Boys were so stupid. “Do you think I would’ve gone through this personalized diamond-encrusted hell and back if I didn’t love you?”

“I suppose not.”

“You make everything so hard, you know?” your voice cracked and the tears fell freely. “I tried to stay away from you, I tried to cave in, I even dated someone else! And even after all of that, I could only ever look at you. Chan, you drive me insane!”

His thumbs tried to brush away the tears. He hated seeing you cry, but he couldn’t help but laugh because even if this was all because of him, you still loved him after everything you’ve been through.

“Good,” he said. “Through your tears of happiness or sadness or random bursts of emotion, only look at me.”

You nodded, still too embarrassed do just that at the man you were so in love with. But that’s ok, because he enjoyed giving your forehead kisses. The first one made your face burn - his lips were so soft. The second one made you wrap your arms around his waist. By the tenth one, you managed to look up at his cheeky, grinning face.

“I want to try this,” he admitted confidently.

“Try what?” you asked innocently, and he knew you knew, but you wanted to hear him say it.

“Dating you. Loving you wholeheartedly. Wearing our hearts on our sleeves. All that jazz.”

“Don’t you want to be with someone who could actually afford to buy this dress?”

“No, I want someone who can make me the best damn Mexican hot chocolate in the world, someone to eat cheap Thai food with, someone who will watch my spending habits, someone who will cuddle with me when it’s raining, or watch the sun rise with me, or -”

“Ok, I get it! I like the sound of that.”

“Me, too.” Chan leaned in, the tips of your noses touching and his breath ghosting your lips. He stopped just before your lips touched, that damn tease. “Can I kiss you?”

You responded with closing the gap in between and wrapping your hands around his neck. You felt a grin grow on his soft lips before he dipped you like in those old romantic movies and even laughed in between when you both took a breather. This felt so, so right, finally being wrapped in his arms and kissing those lips you snuck glances at for years. A couple minutes later, the fountain turned on and lit up the area completely, lightly sprinkling you and your lover with cold water. The story of you and Chan in each others’ arms kissing in front of a fully-operating modernly-sculpted fountain sounded like the perfect fairy tale.

“Ah, cold! What the hell!”

“Oh yeah, I slipped the security guards a few hundreds to turn it on,” Chan proudly admitted. “Cool, right? Good thing you agreed to date me, otherwise this would have been very awkward.”

“You’re such a dork!”

“A dork for you only, love.”

In the middle of kissing your man, some of the guests found their way to the fountain. It was a small number, and then a small dozen, and then it ended up being half of the guests that danced the night away with their one and only. You almost asked to leave, as the number of people seeing you in the arms of the most eligible bachelor under twenty-five was stressing you out, but when Chan’s hold on your waist tightened, you pushed your worries away.

“I love you, you know that, right?” he asked desperately.

You kissed him again. “And you should know I love you, too.”

“Too bad I love you more.”

“Bang Chan, you always have to one-up me, huh?”

“I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.”

[learnphysicabout]

Class 11th Physics NCERT Solutions : chapter 4 motion in a plane

Class 11th Physics NCERT Solutions : chapter 4 motion in a plane

chapter 4 motion in a plane

chapter 4 motion in a plane Find the CBSE Class 11 Physics NCERT Solution for the Chapter-4, Motion in a Plane. It has been framed keeping the Students’ perspective in mind. This will help the Students with easy and simple understanding of the concept and technique employed in solving as per the CBSE Marking Scheme.

Few Sample Question from this Chapter are given below:

[wordsandshawn]

Not sure if you’re still doing blurbs but if you are and you happen to see this one could you maybe do blurb about helping shawn through an anxiety attack?

trigger warning: anxiety attack

“Y/n? y/n!” You hear someone shouting, and it pulls you from your nap. You’re still groggy when you pick up your head and open your eyes trying to figure out what is going on. It’s Andrew. “Please wake up. Shawn needs you.” Both the concern and hint of fear in Andrew’s voice combined with those words gets up up and out of bed in seconds. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask, grabbing a sweatshirt, “Where is he?” 

Andrew just motions for you to follow him as he starts talking. “He’s having an anxiety attack. He’s been a little off all day, but he didn’t mention anything about the anxiety. We just got back, and I think it hit all at once. He came to my room because he didn’t want to wake you, but I think he needs you.” 

Shawn had been doing press all day, and you haven’t seen him much. You just flew in this morning. You saw Shawn briefly, but you had barely slept on the plane and had been pulling all nighters to cram for exams before that, so both you and Shawn decided it would be best for you to stay at the hotel so you’d be rested to spend the day tomorrow with Shawn since he had the day off and was busy working today. 

He has a tendency to isolate himself when things become too much. Even though he knows that he shouldn’t, sometimes, he just can’t help it. He blames himself, a lot, for a lot of things, but you don’t blame him. Sometimes when the anxiety comes, he doesn’t know what to do to make it better and that frustrates him. You don’t know what to do to make it better, but you just know how to be with him, to stay near him, and to remind him that you’re there for him, always. You feel guilty that you weren’t better at being there for him today, you had no idea that he was feeling anxious. 

Andrew unlocks the door to his hotel room and lets you go in first. You rush in, calling out, “Shawn, baby?” The room looks empty, but the bathroom door is closed and the light is on. 

You knock softly, since there are no sounds coming from inside, and you don’t want to startle him. “Shawn? its me.” The doorknob turns and cracks open a little, you push it open enough to enter and close it behind you. His breathing is irregular and he just looks so lost. He’s not looking at you, he’s pacing the room and looking everywhere but at you. 

You approach him without waiting. You know him well, and you know what he needs right now. “Love, I got you. I know that you’re feeling really stressed and anxious.” Even though he towers over you, you do your best to provide him the feeling of safety by pushing your body up against his and wrapping your arms around him. He weakly puts his arms around your shoulders, but thats all he has the energy to do right now. 

“Can you breathe with me, love?” You question before leading him through a breathing exercise. You don’t ask why he’s anxious, or whats bothering him, or why he didn’t say something before it got this bad. There will be time for that later, but for now, all you’re worried about is bringing him back.

“I got you,” You soothe.

He finally manages to regulate his breathing, and he drops his head so its resting on your shoulder, with you supporting a lot of his weight. You stay like that for a while. He slowly calms down. He begins to think more clearly, you can see it on his face.

“Sorry for waking you up.” He mumbles into your shoulder once he’s finally back. 

“No, no,” You say softly, but still kindly, “You have nothing to be sorry for love. I wish you had woken me up earlier. I love you. I’m always here.” You brush your fingers through his hair in a way that you know soothes him.

“Lets go back to our room.” You finally say, taking his hand and intertwining your fingers with his, you gently lead him out of the bathroom,. Andrew jumps up from where he was sitting at the desk when he sees the two of you. He shoots you a questioning, concerned look with his eyes, and you answer before he gets the chance to ask anything. “We’re just gonna go back to our room. We’re okay now.” You speak for Shawn. Knowing Andrew needs confirmation, Shawn nods along. “Gonna get room service, and have a chill night.” 

Andrew nods, “Okay, call if you need anything.” 

You promise you will, then walk hand in hand with Shawn to your room. You order room service, and find a movie on the tv. Shawn is uncharacteristically quiet, and you know why. You don’t ask about it. When he’s ready to talk, he will as long as he knows that you’re here for him. So you hold him in your arms, and he even lets you be the big spoon for once, or attempt to. On any other night, you’d joke about it, but not tonight. Tonight, you do your best to be the big spoon because you know he needs it. 

[septic84]

Eschew The Chew

“Phil, wake the fuck up!” I jerked up fast, feeling my stomach lurch.  

“What the hell, Dan?”  

“We need to pack and go, now!”  

“Go where?” Dan wasn’t playing a joke on me; I could tell by his demeanor that he was scared. “Dan, calm down, what’s going on?”  

“It’s all over the BBC, Phil!” He said, pulling a travel bag out of the closet. “It’s like some virus,”

A03

 I had now fully sat up, if Dan had not have been so scared, I would have laughed at how animated he was.  I grabbed my glasses and placed them on my face. “Virus?”  

“Yes, it’s making people cannibalistic.”    

“Dan, are you intoxicated?”  

“Fuck off!” Dan was now shoving random pieces of clothing into the bag. “Just look at your fucking phone, okay?”    

So, I did, but nothing would load, not on Wifi, not on data. “there’s nothing Dan, I can’t get anything to load.”  

“Shit,” Dan said, “That means it’s getting worse.” I walked into the lounge where Dan had the TV on, we hardly watched anything on cable.  

“Started in the northern parts of Ireland and is spreading rapidly. Daily curfews and quarantine zones are now going into effect in all of Ireland and are expected to affect the UK later tomorrow.”  

“Holy shit,” I muttered.  

“You see!” Dan demanded, “What I believe to be one of or the last Plane to Florida is leaving in three hours and we need to be on it. It may be our only chance.”  

“Hold on,” I took a deep breath. “Dan, we are talking about leaving country. We are going to leave our families here?”  

Dan took a deep breath, “Phil, we are going to have to trust that they can take care of themselves.”  

I was stood frozen, I couldn’t move.  

“Phil!” Dan screamed, “I am not fucking kidding. We need to move!” I went back to our room, placing various things in my travel bag. How do you know what to pack for the apocalypse?  After I had packed clothes, some irreplaceable keepsakes, and my pillow, I took another bag to the kitchen and filled it with nonperishable food items. That was smart right? If the disaster movies taught me anything, it was that food becomes scares quickly in these types of scenarios.  

Dan walked into the room, “Okay, I have packed everything in the bathroom.” He looked at me and nodded approvingly. “Oh, good idea. I hope they don’t limit our baggage.”  

Once we arrived at the airport it was sheer chaos; people were screaming, crying or just staring into nothing. “Dan,” I whispered, “What if we don’t get out?”  

“We will,” was all Dan said. He was surprisingly calm. We saw armed officials with medical staff examining people.  They were making their way throughout the lines and were currently examining the family next to us.  I started to panic.  

“Deep breaths, Phil. Don’t draw too much attention to us, okay?”  

“Right,” I said  

“Names?”  

“Daniel Howell,”  

“Phil Lester.”  

“Country and city of origin?”  

“United Kingdom, London.”  

“Both of you?”  

I nodded.  

After the doctor looked into both of our eyes, then mouths, he took each of our temperatures. “They’re good.” I breathed a sigh of relief.  Since Dan and I were cleared to fly, one of the armed guards led us directly to the plane. There seemed to be limited staff and the normal “check your bags” policy seemed out the window.  Dan and I had all of our bags with us in the cabin of the plane, on our legs.  

“See, we’re fine,” Dan said when we had gotten arranged.    

“Are we?” I asked, hesitantly.    

“Don’t Phil, not now,” Dan warned. Looking closer at him, I now noticed the fear on his face. I could tell he was doing everything in his power to keep moving forward, to keep going. I took his hand and squeezed it, not releasing it when I had finished. He gave me a tight-lipped smile.    

The plane took off a short time later; it was eerily quiet. There were no conversations and only the occasional wail from one of the two babies that were on board. Glancing around I noticed everyone either had blank stares or panic on their faces, there was no in-between.  

“Where are we going when we land?”  

“I have booked a hotel for at least a week in Orlando.”  

“Okay, then what?”  

“I don’t know Phil, I got us out. Right now, that’s all that matters.”  

“Thank you,” I stayed quiet for the rest of the flight. I wondered how many people in the UK had already been infected, how quickly had is spread and if it had reached London. I then wondered how much time we had running to Florida before it got there.    

The plane had touched down about 10:00 pm local time. At the Orlando airport, there were also many armed guards and more medical personnel at the gates, screening people before they were allowed to enter.  We had passed again, but this exam was more in-depth. They asked about medical issues, medicines we were taking and the last time we had had a physical. They went through all of the bags of the passengers and gave them cards that showed they had been cleared medically and their bags had been searched.  

When we were in the hotel room Dan looked as if he were about to break.  “I’m going to go take a shower,” he didn’t wait for my response, but I still muttered “Okay.” As soon as the water had been running for about 5 minutes, I heard Dan start to sob. I wanted nothing more to comfort him, but he clearly needed to be alone. Using the hotel phone, I called my parents and brother, leaving them messages in case they were able to get them. I hoped they were okay. When Dan came out he looked as if he hadn’t slept for days.    

“I called my parents and Martyn and left them messages in case they can get them at some point, you should do the same. I am going to shower now.”  

“Okay,”    

The bathroom was steamy and smelled like Dan, this brought me a little comfort. I wiped the fog off of the mirror and stared at my face. I didn’t look that bad, maybe a little tired.  I turned on the shower and stood under the stream of water, watching it swirl down the drain.  I wondered why I wasn’t crying now, why wasn’t I as upset as Dan? I didn’t feel much of anything and I figured I must have been in shock.  I washed and got out feeling like I was in slow motion; as if time had been thickened by honey and I couldn't move properly.    

When I went back out to Dan, he had the news on. As he predicted, all flights out of Ireland and the UK had been grounded. Also, the same had happened in The Netherlands, Belgium, and France; no planes were allowed in or out. The number of infected people had grown increasingly, hour by hour.  The news was repeating clips of people that were caught on security cameras who were infected. Some were just aimlessly walking, staring blankly ahead. Others were violent, going after and attacking anyone who was not behaving as they were. It was horrific to watch, I was numb.  

“They are literally fucking Zombies,” Dan breathed out.  

I did not have the words to respond to that. I sat next to him watching video after video of the same scene. The further advanced the virus progressed, the more violent and dangerous they became.  If I didn’t know better, I would have thought we were watching a movie, but this was real life. Dan silently grasped my hand as we watched what appeared to be the fall and demise of humanity.    

“Are you hungry?” he asked, surprising me.  

“Are you being serious right now?” I asked, motioning to the TV.  

“I,” I watched his head fall in dismay. “I don’t know what to do, Phil. I don’t think we are ever going back to London.”  

“You don’t know that,” I said, indignantly.  

“Phil,” He said softly, “Look at them. Even if they can cure these people, they are destroying everything. Without humans, healthy working humans, the city will collapse.”    

“So, what are we going to do then, Dan? Live here? Look for a house? Do we go elsewhere? What do we do?”  

“I don’t know,” he said honestly.  

“I don’t either.”  

“This is really happening isn’t it?”  

“Yes. It is.” He yawned.  

“We should sleep, it’s not like staying awake is going to help us right now, watching this over and over won’t either.” I turned off the TV.    

“I don’t know if I can sleep,”  

“Then we should lay down and at least rest.”   We both got settled and started by laying far away from each other, but gradually Dan was inching closer to me.  I pulled him onto my chest, kissing the top of his head. “Rest, love.”  

“Phil, I’m scared.”  

“I know. Rest.” After a while, Dan’s body stilled. Knowing he was asleep helped me to relax and with his breathing as my guide, I drifted off.  

We woke up around noon the next day, we didn't speak. We sat on separate beds, both trapped in our heads trying to process the unthinkable.  

“Should we turn on the TV?” I asked.  

“No,” He said, “Not just yet.”  

“Okay.”  There was still Wifi in the hotel; Dan started one of his playlists and we sat together, listening to relaxing instrumental melodies that helped to somewhat put my mind at ease.  

“I'm not sure what I am allowed to say,”  

“Well, talk to me about anything other than what’s going on.”  

“Ah,” I came up with nothing.  

“Yeah, I know.” He said shaking his head.  

“I didn’t pack sun cream.”  

He smirked. “Lucky for you, I packed the bathroom and there was some in there.”  

"That is lucky for my translucent skin, thank you. We should eat something.”  

“Are you hungry?”  

“I don’t feel hungry, but I am sure I am.”  

We decided to walk down to a nearby café, not going too far from the hotel. As we picked at our sandwiches, I started to watch and listen to the other patrons.  

“It’s spread into Spain already,” someone said. “It’s spreading so fast and no one knows how to stop it. I am afraid it’s only a matter of time before,”  

“Phil, don’t eavesdrop,” Dan looked at me. “Hey, we should go swimming.”  

“You want to go to the beach?”  

“Yeah, why not?” He opened his backpack, showing me the towels and sun cream.  

“Okay, yeah.” I smiled at Dan as we left money at the table. On our way out I overheard the same person say. “We are all screwed.” I couldn’t help but agree with them. It seemed to be the end of the world.  

On the beach Dan and I were sat on our towels, watching the waves. I had to admit, it was easy to get lost in them and forget why we were actually here. I wondered how many more moments like this I would have with Dan. Would this be the last? I looked at the way the sun was hitting his face, he was truly beautiful.  

“Let’s swim.”  

I smiled at him, “Yes, let’s.” I wanted to make sure whatever time we did have left was spent doing things that made us happy.  As we made our way out into deeper waters, Dan came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.  He started to kiss my neck. It was so public; it wasn’t something I was used to.  

“The ocean and the sun make your skin glisten a lovely shade.” He murmured against my neck. He continued to kiss my neck, softly starting to suck at the flesh. “So, you wanna?” he whispered as he trailed his hand down my side.  

“Here?” I whispered harshly, “Dan, the world is ending and it’s three pm, we are at a public beach .”  

“I know, but no one can see us.” I was hesitant, but remembering my earlier vow to make sure the time we had left was memorable, I agreed.  So that is how at three pm, in the ocean during the apocalypse Dan and I were having sex. “I love you so much, Phil.”  

“I love you too, Dan. You mean so much to me.”  

“Please don’t stop, I am so close,”  

“Me too,” I moaned. When I felt a breeze I noticed that somehow, we were not in deep water anymore, not at all. The water was brushing against us about knee level.  Anyone who looked our way would be able to tell what we were doing and could see all of Dan. “Dan,” I slowed down, “We’re in the shallow, people can see!”  

“Good,” He growled, "I want them to see.”  My whole body shuddered, I was moving my hips faster, spilling inside of him.  

“Yes, Phil, I’m cuming.” Dan moaned low and quiet as he found his release. When he had stopped panting so heavily, I slowly moved us back to the deeper water.  “Holy shit Phil, that was so hot.”  

“End of the world brings out your kinks, does it? I see you were already prepped.”  

“Well, It could be now or never so, a guy needs to plan ahead.”  

“And if it ends up on the internet?”  

“Well, then we will be giving them one hell of a finale, won’t we?”  

I laughed pulling him close to me, kissing his lips. He tasted of salt. Looking deeply into his eyes, I brushed a curl off of his forehead, suddenly his brow knit together.  

“Phil, promise me something?”  

“Anything.”  

“If I get infected, leave me.”  

“What?”  

"We both know it will be me that will get infected, of course, it will."  

"Dan,"  

“Don’t stay with me and die. Please.  

“We’re not going to talk like this.” I said, “We are going to be fine.”  

“You can’t possibly know that, Phil.” He said softly.  

“I can and I do. I’m done swimming now; I need to shower.” With that, I started to make my way back to the shore. I refused to listen to that, I just couldn’t.  With Dan in tow, we made our way back to the hotel.  We did not speak, but Dan did bump his shoulder into mine. It was our silent signal that we were good.  

“We should turn the telly on now,” I said after we had both showered. “As awful as it is, we should know what’s going on.”  

Dan sighed, “At least we had a nice day.” Grabbing the remote, he turned on the news. It was worse than we could have thought.  They now had blocked off most of western Europe.  So many countries were infected now, it was only a matter of time before it made its way to America.    

“How does it spread? Where did it come from?” I asked, not expecting an answer.  

“I have no fucking clue, it seems to have started in Ireland, but who knows what started it.” Dan sighed. “We have to figure out what we are going to do, Phil.”  

“How? We are Youtubers, we make videos, what would it be? “How to survive Zombies” tag?”  

“Actually,”   “DAN! I am being serious.  

“Jesus Phil, how should I know? It’s not like I have a contingency plan for the living dead, do I?"  

“Dan I’m,” A knock at the door cut me off midsentence.    

Dan looked at me and got up to answer it. “Tom?”  

“Oh, thank Christ, you’re still here. I’m glad to see you, mate.” He invited himself in. “Hey, Phil,”  

“Hi, Tom. Glad to see you’re okay.”  I said,  confused as to why he was here.

“Well, I’m not sick physically, so there’s that.” He ran his hand through his hair. “A literal Zombie apocalypse, bloody hell.”  

“How are you here, Tom?”  

“I hoped that you both had gotten on one of the planes to Florida, I checked and you had. Then I tracked you here, was able to get your hotel information and here I am.”  

“Wait,” Dan said, “what do you mean you tracked us here?”  

“Well, I hacked into some systems, but yeah, I found you.”  

“How?” I asked.  

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, boys.” He said.  

“Right, so what’s the plan then, Tom?”  

“Go north, into the woods.”  

“Are you mad? Into the woods, he says. What do you know about the woods, Tom? You’ll get eaten by wild animals. What do you know about survival?”  

“You really think that I would be unarmed in a Zombie apocalypse?”  

“Okay, but why are you here? Why did you come to find us specifically?"  

Ah,” he rubbed his neck. “I figured you may need help.” He sat down. “I was already in the air when it crossed the border into the UK. I knew America would be the best bet.  I lost my cell service, then I knew that it was bad. I am kind of a doomsday nerd, so I have planned for something like this."  

"You think you know a guy, "Tomska, Youtuber and a doomsday aficionado." Dan sighed.  

“You want us to go with you?” I questioned.  

“Staying here is a death sentence. “  

“What are you on about?”  

“I am sure it’s here already, Phil. I am sure someone, perhaps even many people are infected.”  

“How? There are medical screenings.”  

“Yeah, but what are they even screening for? A fever? No one knows how this started. It is spreading too quickly to do any early-stage testing. They have no idea what it is. They can’t tell if a fever is even a symptom. How could they know?” He paused. “Look, lads, this thing is unpredictable and it’s quick. If you are in a city that is infected, the chances that you will get away unscathed are slim to none.”  

“How do we know you’re not infected, then?” Dan asked.  

“How do we know either of you isn’t infected?”    

I sighed. “We don’t.”    

“No, we don’t, however with how fast it develops, I think we would have been starting to feel off by now. Then again, I have no idea. Maybe it’s just poof, Zombie.”  

“Right, so what do we do?”  

“We head north,” He said.  

“How do you even know where to go? How familiar are you with America?”  

“Oh, I know enough.”  

“Where north?”  

“Just north, for now.”  

“This is all so fucked,” Dan said, looking at me. “What do we know about survival?”  

“Not much,” I admitted.    

“As I said, I thought you may need my help.” Tom looked at the TV. “We aren’t going home lads, soon there will be no home left.”  

“What does that mean?”    

“They are going to burn it, Dan.”  

“The entire country? What? Why?” I was confused.  

“Phil, they are trying to save humanity. They have already burned most of Ireland.”  

“Who is “they?”  

“I don’t know, citizens? Government? I don’t know. All I know is that it is what is in store for our homeland too. It’s been three days and it’s ramping up to take over all of Europe.”    

“Oh my god,” I muttered.  

“We want to survive, right?”  

Dan and I both nodded.  

“Good, pack your things, we need to get petrol for the car, supplies and we will leave.”  

“Right now?”  

“The longer we stay here, the less likely we will make it out alive.”  

“Wait, can you even drive in America?” I asked.  

“I’ll manage just fine." Dan and I exchanged looks. “Listen, it’s not like we are here to sightsee, we are running for our lives. I’ll be fine driving.”  

The Black SUV was packed to the gills with supplies. We were both nervous about Tom driving in America, let alone in a huge SUV, but we didn’t know what else to do. Tom seemed to have his wits about him and he had a plan, that was more than we had.  Tom’s gun occupied the front seat as Dan and I sat in the next seats back.   I figured that he probably had more than one, but I didn’t ask. As much as guns made me nervous,  in the circumstance we were in, it seemed like a good idea that someone had them and knew how to shoot; at least if the movies were any indication.  

“I’ve got it mapped out; we will be sticking to the back roads to avoid the county border health checks.”  

“We aren’t sick though,” Dan said.  

“Mate, we are British, they will automatically assume that we are infected.”  

“I don’t know that that’s true,” I said.  

“It is. People are scared.”  

“That’s xenophobic,” I muttered  

“None of that matters, right now Phil. Even though the American media has given them a false sense of security by closing the borders, people are still fucking scared. How could they not be?”  

“So, do you know exactly where we are going yet?” Dan asked.  

“North,”  

“You keep saying that,”  

“You’ll know when we are there.” He looked at us in the rearview mirror, “Why don’t you try to get some sleep?”  

I felt Dan grasp my hand, it was the slight comfort that I needed to be able to fall asleep. I was awoken an unknown time later to hushed voices.  

“He’s very calm about this,” Dan said.  

“I think he’s in shock Dan, no offense intended, but Phil’s a pretty happy go lucky guy. Something like this must take a much larger toll on his mental state. We are darker, more cynical.   I mean, how many times have you been in an apocalypse together?”  

“Fuck off, Tom.”  

“I’m just saying, give the man some credit. He seems to be holding his own.”  

“Right. Tom,  I am still a little confused. Why did you look for us? Phil and I, I mean.  You have been friends with us for years, but we have never really been good friends. I don’t mean to be rude and I am not ungrateful, I’m just wondering why you went to so much effort to find us.”  

His voice dropped low, “I didn’t want to be alone.” He paused a moment. “I tried to find the others, too you know. The “YouTube” gang.”  

“Well, who else did you find?”  

“No one.” He said, his voice thick with emotion.  

“Oh god.”  

“I think the Brighton crew made it out, but I can’t be sure.  I really hope they did.”  

“Me too,” Dan said, somberly.  

About 20 minutes had passed, I still had my eyes closed. I hadn’t even thought about our other friends, they could be dead, infected or just as lost as we were before Tom found us. Just like my family, just like Dan's. I still really couldn’t muster any emotion about it, but I knew I would be shattered if my emotions ever returned.  

“We should stop and eat,” Tom said, breaking the quiet. “We’ll stop here, wake him up.”  

Dan slowly rubbed my shoulder, but I could tell he knew I was awake. I faked waking up.   “Hm?”  

“Food time, Phily!” Tom said from the front seat.  

I sat up and stretched. “Is it safe to stop?”  

“We’re going to find out,” Tom responded, parking the SUV in front of the large windows. When we went in, he requested the table in front of those windows. Tom wanted to keep an eye on our lifeline, which currently was a vehicle full of our supplies.  

“Glad you fellas are here and not over there,” The waitress said thoughtlessly as she handed us menus. I somewhat agreed with her, but the uncertainty of the health and safety of my family and friends had me on edge. “So, what’ll  ya have?” I pointed at some sandwich; I wasn’t very hungry anyway. I guess I had been lost in my thoughts because Dan was softly nudging me.  

“Food’s here.”  

I shrugged, looking down at the food as if it were the enemy. My stomach lurched.  

“You should try to eat something,” Dan said, softly.  

“I don’t know if I can,”  

Tom cocked his eyebrow at me, “You’re not feeling poorly, are you?”  

I was, a little, but I said. “Not Physically.” I figured the unease in my stomach was fear or emotion-related. Maybe even both. Also, some could be contributed to the fact that we had been riding in a car for so long.  

“You should try to eat,” Tom said, his voice harsher than before, almost as if I were to eat something it would prove to him that I wasn’t infected.    

“Tom, back off. Phil gets travel sick; we have been in a moving car for hours.” I was thankful for Dan.  

“Oh, right.” He looked at me. “Sorry.”  

“When are you going to sleep?” I asked I wanted to take the attention off of myself.

“I don’t know, I don’t want to stop moving.”  

“You still need to sleep,” Dan said, taking a drink of his coffee. “We’re sticking to back roads still, right? Then I can drive while you sleep for a bit.”  

“Dan, are you sure?”  

He shrugged, “It can’t be that hard, just the other side of the street, right?”  

“Yeah, okay.” Tom conceded, “I could use a nap.” We had finished at the diner, after paying for our food and an uncomfortable and disgustingly wet handshake from the owner, we piled into the car.  Dan and Tom had gotten out the door before me so they had avoided the grotesque gesture of appreciation.  As I walked to them, I noticed my hand was stinging.  I looked down to see a cut that the man’s sweaty palms had come into contact with; I cringed and desperately attempted to keep down the two bites of sandwich that I had taken.    

“You okay?” Dan asked.  

“Yeah,” I said wiping my hands on my pants.  I didn't want to talk about it.

 Tom pulled into a petrol station and filled up; he also bought many food items and drinks. He waved his credit card at us. “Might as well max the bastard, they can’t expect me to pay the bill when the world’s ending, can they?” He winked; Dan rolled his eyes.   Tom drove us to the back roads so Dan could take over. He turned on the radio.    

“Officials say outbreaks will be likely, but the CDC has assured AXI news that they will be able to maintain it, keeping casualty rates lower than other countries”    

Tom scoffed, “Oh yeah.” he said sarcastically.  

“Be as snarky as you want, but you had better hope they’re right,” Dan said.    

Tom had pulled over for Dan to drive; but not before a quick insisted lesson on how to shoot a gun.  

“Tom, I don’t want to know how to shoot a gun.”  

“Tough, you need to. If something happens to me, you need to know how to protect yourself.  

“I won’t shoot anyone, anyway.” He said, bitterly.  

“You would if it saved him.” Tom pointed in my direction. I saw the inner struggle happening, it was written all over Dan’s face.    

“Okay, show me.”  He said, his voice wavering.

I had stopped paying attention at this point. I couldn’t handle the thoughts that the conversation had spurred on. It was too much.  Watching Dan have to choose to kill someone to save me was a daydream I didn't want to indulge.

After about 20 minutes, they both got back into the SUV, and Dan started to drive. He surprisingly did pretty well. Tom and his gun (at least the one I knew of) were now in the back and I was next to Dan upfront. With Tom sleeping, I felt calmer.    

“How are you doing? Dan asked, quietly.  

“I’m not sure,” I was progressively starting to feel worse. I had a headache and was currently doing everything in my power not to vomit. Dan knew I was sure of it.  I knew he hadn’t said anything because he didn’t want to draw too much attention to me; Tom was already suspicious.  I wasn’t sure what lengths Tom would go to avoid infection.  Even if I wasn’t infected, would Tom’s paranoia get the best of him?  

“I’m not sure we are doing the right thing,” Dan said.  

“I know, neither am I, but I don’t know what else to do.”  

“I know.  

It was starting to get dark and I could tell that Dan’s confidence in driving had drastically diminished. I saw a sign for a motel, lit up. “We should sleep,” I said, motioning to the sign.  

“I doubt Tom would approve,” He said, but he was already slowing down.  

“I don’t care,” I said looking at him. “Dan, I need to get out of this moving vehicle.”  

Dan nodded, took the exit and pulled into the “Lazy side Inn.” He left me in the car with a sleeping Tom while he got the rooms.  

“Wake up, Tom,” He said getting back into the car.  

“What?”  

"I have gotten us two rooms for the night. I need to sleep on an actual bed and Phil needs to be stationary for a while.” Tom sighed but didn’t protest. Dan handed him his room key as he unloaded our bags.  He went directly to the shower as I sat on the bed observing our room. This was a questionable hotel, I was sure it was typically only used for one thing, but at least we weren't driving.  

“What are you thinking about?” he said, scrubbing his hair with a towel.  

“Nothing, really. I am just thankful to be still.”  

He kissed the top of my head, “Go shower, you’ll feel even better.”  

So, I did.  The water felt fantastic and it was nice to change into clean clothes. When I came out, Dan had the Tv on.  

“In addition, to the closure of the US border, the military has amped up the efforts, putting in a nationwide curfew. No one is to be outside after 10:00 Pm in your respected time zone.  Fighter jets and military-grade vehicles will now be on constant patrol. This will remain in effect for an undetermined amount of time.”  

“So, it starts,”    

“Yeah,” Dan said softly. “It appears so.”  

“I’m so,” I paused trying to find the words.  

“So,” Dan prompted.  

“I don’t even know, numb, I guess.”  

“I’m sure a lot of people have that reaction,”  

“I’m just having a hard time accepting this is reality.” I shook my head. “This is actually a Zombie apocalypse. I just don’t understand, how?”  

Dan threw his arm around me, “We should sleep, I’m sure Tom will have us up early.”  

“Probably,” I groaned.    

Dan looked at me intently. “I know car rides make you sick, but you seem unwell otherwise,”  

I looked at him, “I’m not sure.” I sighed. “Maybe you should just leave me here.”  

“Fuck off, Phil.  I am not leaving you.”   "How is this any different than what you asked me in the ocean, Dan?" "Goodnight, Phil."  

When I woke up the sunlight told me that it was probably late morning. Dan was still sleeping; I kissed his forehead softly so it didn’t wake him up. I looked out the window, everything seemed peaceful, calm, normal. If I didn’t know better, I would think we were on holiday and not running from a deadly virus.  I guess we could look at it as a holiday, except we wouldn’t ever be going home. We didn't have a home left, from what we were told. My stomach felt better today and I was starting to feel hungry. I wondered if that was what happened in stressful situations; once you accept the chaos and fear, your emotional responses are muted and they stop having physical effects on you. I didn't know, but it seemed plausible.  

“What are you looking at,” Dan’s sleep voice was one of my favorite sounds, I smiled.  

“Birds, currently. I wonder if animals can be infected?” I asked, rhetorically.    

Dan grunted and stretched, untangling himself from the blankets. “How are you feeling?”  

“Better, hungry.”  

“Good, that’s good, Phil.”  

“Mm,” I hummed, noncommittedly.    

“We should eat, I’m surprised that Tom hasn’t been banging on our door for ages. What time is it?”  

I looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand, “11:30.” I frowned. “That’s a good point. Maybe we should check on him.  

Dan hung his head, “Yeah, maybe.”  

We got dressed and attempted to leave the room, but before we could I noticed an envelope on the floor.  

I picked it up, retrieving the letter inside and read it out loud.  

“I had to leave, I located some of the others. I have left you the car and half of the supplies, there are bullets and a gun in the glove box. DON’T GET RID OF IT. You need it and I want it back when we meet again.  I left a map in the car, the route is highlighted and marked, I also made some marks for stopping places. We will all meet up at the circled area as soon as we can. Don’t waste too much time staying in one place. I have heard that it was confirmed to be in America now, so the further north we get as quickly as possible gives us the best chance. Be smart, don’t get caught up in things that don’t matter. God speed! (I’ve always wanted to write that in a letter.) -Tom”  

I stared at the note stunned, I wasn’t sure that Dan and I could do this on our own.  

“Well, I suppose we had better get moving then.”  

I looked up at him, “How are you so calm about all of this?”  

He shrugged, “This is pretty low shock value, all things considered.” He was calm, I was numb and I still couldn’t wrap my head around any of this. "We can eat in the car."  

“Dan, the gun,”  

“I can use it if I have to. Hopefully, It won’t come to that and I can give it back to Tom without shooting it.”  

“Right,” I wasn’t sure Dan would shoot anyone, even if it was to protect me. “So, I guess we are leaving?”  

“Yeah, I suppose.”  

Dan’s driving wasn’t good back home, so here it was even worse. Despite that, I was giving him credit for how well he was doing. He had managed not to get stopped by the authorities and we had not been in a collision. That’s all that mattered, I supposed. The map was leading us far north, to Thunder Bay Canada, so following the map, we drove. We had driven for most of the remaining daylight. It was starting to become dark.    

“We need petrol,” Dan said  

“I will look for a place,”  

“Great.” He rearranged. “I am so bloody bored. And sick of fucking driving.”  

“I’m sorry.”  

“S’not your fault. I just am sick of this nightmare. No internet, no sofa crease, no Netflix. Tom is gone and we truly are on our own. We have no idea how to get anywhere without this map, which is just fragile paper that can be destroyed at any moment. It's pretty much our lifeline at this point. If we lose it, we are screwed. I am not sure why we split up. In every movie known to man, splitting up ends badly. Yet here we are.” He glanced at me, he was waiting for me to reply.  

“I’m not sure what to say,” I said honestly.  

“Then don’t say anything, much like you have been since this started,” he huffed.  "I'll just be alone in this worry, I guess."

“Dan,”  

“Don’t say you’re sorry again.”  

“Why are you mad at me?”  

“I’m not mad, not exactly, but you’re acting strange and I’m bloody scared, Phil.”  

“I’m,”  

“Don’t. Just don’t”  

We got petrol and drove for about another hour, tense silence as company. There was no light left in the sky now, it was fully dark.  

“I need to sleep," I could hear the fatigue in his voice.  

Holding the map close to the radio for light, I said “There’s a “rest stop” marked here."  

“What does that even mean?”  

“For lorries, I think.”  

“Right, just tell me where to turn.”  

We had parked in a quiet corner, under a tree, and dim amber light. The rear seats were folded down into a makeshift bed, I grabbed a bag that contained some of our food and set up two plates.  

“Snacks for dinner,” I said, smiling slightly in the overhead cab light.  

“No shit, Phil. You don’t see a diner, here do you? Don’t be stupid.” His voice was callous and mean.  

“Dan, can you please stop being rude to me?” I had finally broken. The tears I had questioned the existence of that first day in Florida were now flowing down my face. “I know you’re scared and I haven’t been that supportive, but now,” I stopped and looked at him. “You may be the only one I have left. My family may be dead. I can’t deal with your cruelness or attitude right now. I am sorry, whatever I did or didn’t do to you. I am sorry. Just, please.”  

“Phil,” Dan said softly, moving towards me, pulling me into a hug. “I’m sorry. I will do better. It’s not fair for me to expect you to process a certain way or in a certain amount of time. I’m just tired, yeah? I’ll do better. Once I sleep, it will be better. Please, don’t cry.” I sniffled, “Let’s eat, I’m sure we both could use some food.”    

We had eaten and were getting ready to lay down to sleep. Dan had the gun back with us, though I was sure he was somewhat scared of it. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with it either, but I didn’t say anything.    

‘I love you, Phil,”  

“I love you too, Dan.”  

Unfamiliar voices woke me up, harsh hushed whispers seeped in through the doors.  

“Do you think anyone is in there?”  

“Maybe they are asleep?”  

“There isn’t anyone around, maybe we could,”  

“I don’t want to do this,”  

“Dan,” I whispered directly in his ear “Wake up.”  

“Wha,” I put my hand over his mouth, pointing to my ears indicating to him to listen. The dim amber light from outside gave just enough light for him to be able to see me.  

“We have to do this. We have to at least check.”  

“What if they are infected?”  

“We don’t even know if it’s occupied.”  

“It could be,”  

“I don’t think it’s spread this far north.”  

Dan reached for the gun and sat up, oh god. This was happening. He didn’t pick it up yet.  

“There is someone in here and we are very much awake.”  He said, causing me to jump.

“Oh shit,” the female voice hissed.  

“So, you’ll be on your way then,” Dan said with more confidence than I had ever heard him express.    

“Ah,” I heard more whispers, unable to make them out I strained harder with no luck. “Listen, we don’t mean any harm. We just need some supplies, we had to run,”  

“They were collecting sick people, we had to go.”  

“You’re sick?” I squeaked, fear in my voice.  

“We’re not sick at all and the one who is isn’t “Zombie” sick.”  

“Doesn’t matter, leave!” Dan yelled.  

“Please,” the female voice sounded desperate, “We just need a little food for my child so he can take his medicine. We don’t have any food right now, we are,”  

“Prove it!” Dan barked. I had never heard him speak in this tone.  

“What? How?”  

“I haven’t heard any children.”  

I heard a car door open and close, then a child whine. “Moses, wake up,”  

“Momma, I don’t wanna,”  

“I know, baby,”  

“There,” the male voice said. “So, you see, we need to help our child. We don’t want to hurt anyone.”  

“Dan,” I whispered, “The kid,”  

“Yeah, I know,” he closed his fingers around the gun, still not picking it up. “Okay, this is how this is going to work, I have a gun.” He took a deep breath. “If this is a trick, I would just leave right now. Think of the kid.”  

“We promise, just a little food and we will leave.”  

“Momma, I’m scared,” I heard the child start to cry.  

Dan’s hands were shaking so badly I doubted he could have opened the door, let alone pick up the gun. Without much thought, I picked it up, Dan looked at me confused. My hands held it steadily, I wasn’t sure how. “Phil,” Dan whispered, I shook my head  

“How can we be sure you’re not infected?  

“We have hand sanitizer!”  the male exclaimed  

Dan scoffed. “I doubt that will combat becoming a Zombie,”  

“The alcohol sizzles on the skin of an infected,” the female said, “It’s been all over the news!”  

“What?” How could we know if that were true? We hadn’t paid any attention to the news lately.  

“Do we trust that?” Dan whispered.  

“I don’t know,  how do we know how it spreads, is it through the air?”  

“No,” the male voice said, “direct contact with bodily fluids.”  

“We haven’t been keeping up with this as well as we should have been,” Dan said, shaking his head.  

“Fine,” I took a deep breath. "I have the gun, I am going to crack this window,”  

“Put your arms together and show us you aren’t infected.” Dan finished.  

We cracked the window and saw three arms and a hand applying the sanitizer, nothing happened. Dan opened the door and climbed out, I followed closely.  

“Thank you,” the woman said, relief flooding her face. I looked at the little boy, he looked sick. I frowned. Dan reached into the back and grabbed a bag of fully sealed food and water. He knelt to him, “Hello,” I heard him say in a tone of voice he saves solely for animals and children. I smiled. “Are you hungry?” The boy nodded. “Okay, here.” Dan handed him the bag as he retreated to his parents, stumbling slightly from the weight of it.

“Thank you,” the man said.  

“You’re welcome,” Dan said. “So, they are rounding up sick people are they?”  

“Yes,” the woman said, “They think they are more susceptible, but it’s spread through bodily fluids, not the air. It’s ridiculous."  

“What are they doing with sick people?” I asked. Both of them remained silent. “Oh,” I said.  If they couldn't answer, I knew it wasn't good.

“You’re British?” The man said, panicked, suddenly noticing our accents. “Did you live here before, or did you flee?”  

“We just made it out,”  

“They say it started in Texas, a flight from Dublin. At least in the US”  

“We hadn’t heard,” Dan offered.  

“The updates we’ve heard is that they lit most of the Uk on fire and alcohol burns the skin of those infected in the stages where they don’t physically appear sick.”  

Suddenly, the woman dropped the bag and the man tossed the hand sanitizer to Dan. They just had realized they didn’t know if we were infected or not.  “Your turn then,” He was nervous. Dan nodded and applied some to his arm and nothing happened. Relieved the woman picked up the bag. Dan handed it to me.  My hands shook as I took the bottle, setting the gun down on the seat.    

“Phil?” Dan asked, his face dropping.  

“Yeah, Yeah.” I popped open the cap and drizzled a large glob on my arm, suddenly pain blossomed and I heard sizzling.  

“Holy shit,” the man said, ushering his family quickly to his car. “He didn’t touch the bag, did he?”  

“No, I didn’t,” I said sadly. They all slammed their doors and sped out of the parking lot.  

“Oh, Phil,”  

“Dan,” I said quietly. “I am not sure how I haven’t infected you.”  

“How did you get infected, Phil?” He asked, raking a hand through his curls.  

“Must have been the sweaty guy at the diner,” I said. “Dan, I’m going to turn into one of those things. I am going to die.”  

“You don’t know that, I bet the American government is trying to find a cure right now! You’re going to be fine Phil; it’s going to be fine.”  

“I don’t know how I am still me; I thought this thing moved fast.”  

“See? Maybe you are somehow immune to that part!”  

“Dan,” I said softly. “You know you have to leave me here.”  

“What? No Phil. No. We have to go to meet Tom and the others.”  

“Dan, I am going to become a Zombie.”  

“We don’t know that for sure!” He insisted, he was becoming hysterical.    

“Dan, please don’t make this harder than it needs to be,”  

“No, we will live here, in the car, until they come up with a cure!”  

“Remember Florida? You asked me not to stay and die with you. I am just asking you the same.  How can I allow myself to even consider having you stay with me? How can you do this to me? I am going to infect you.  You are going to die, because of me. You have to leave, now! Somehow you are not infected!  You are going to survive. Go.”    

Suddenly Dan opened the front door, laid across the seats and got something out of the glove box and came back to me.  “I'm sorry about this," He said, confusing me.  

“For what?” Suddenly, Dan, had me pinned to the rear seat; I saw he was holding something that glinted in the light. “What are you?” My words died in my throat as there was a  sharp,  burning pain in my arm. Dan then slit his palm open and pressed it into my cut, as hard as he could, causing both wounds to open further.  

“No, Dan, what are you doing! Stop!”

"You have not infected me and you won't, Phil. I am infecting myself."

I struggled against him, “Please, stop.”  Tears welled up in my eyes.

“Shut up, Phil.” He said softly, “You know, my whole family is probably dead too.  I’m not fucking leaving you, Phil. I knew you wouldn’t accept that. Now we both are going to be infected.”  

I was crying at this point. “You are an idiot.”    

“I don’t see it that way.”  

“We are both going to die now, you realize that, right?”  

“Or become mad Zombies together,” He had removed his hand from my arm and grabbed a wad of napkins. He pressed some to the cut on my arm as he tried to control the bleeding in his palm.  

I moved my arm and held the pressure on my wound. “You could have gone to Tom, could have been happy. You didn’t have to become this,”  

He shrugged, “Can’t be bothered, I can't see a life where I am happy without you.” He grabbed my face and kissed me hard. “I love you.”   “I love you too,” I said resolved.    

“So, what do you say, Phil? Want to be my Zombie boyfriend until the end?”  

“This is so stupid, you should have run from me. This is going to be hell.”  

“Nah,” he said kissing my cheek. “This will be the most fun I’ve ever had!”  

[prabbling-blog]

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway (Bill Skarsgard X Reader)

Requested: Hello!! :) hope you're having a great day! I was wondering if you could make an imagine where you are watching 'IT' for the first time with Bill but you hate clowns. Kept up the good work!

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1665

A/N: Thanks for requesting hopefully this is what you wanted - I know it is a bit different, but I really enjoyed writing this!

All her life, Y/N saw herself as a coward. She was a coward during the first grade spelling bee, during every exam or test, during her first date, during college tours, during everything. During every somewhat challenging situation her heart would begin to race, her hands would become clammy, and her mouth would become ickily dry. No matter how much she recited ‘this too shall pass’ to herself, the mantra never seemed to stick.

A few years back, Y/N decided to make peace with her cowardice and therefore come to terms that she was just destined to lead a boring, dull life. No airplanes (it could crash!), no public-speaking (what would everyone think of her?!), no walking atop the space needle (heights!). Which was fine. It was fine with her.

This epiphany (as it was just her luck) took place a year before Bill entered her life. A daring and fearless character, hell, the man was a regular Nik Wallenda. While she spent her days alone answering phones in a cubicle, he was out pursing his dream in one of the most difficult industries out there. If she ever asked him about it, she knew he’d laugh. He’d clutch his stomach and laugh aloud and say, “Yes how courageous of me to go to forty auditions a week and get none of them”. She wouldn’t reply, but in her head she would think, that is exactly my point.

Her cowardice was even the root of most of their arguments. Even though the majority of their disagreements dealt with silly things like forgetting to buy Bill’s peach smelling soap or printer ink, some, however, were very much real. Those debates could be so loud it rattled the ceiling above them and quaked the floor beneath them.

When Bill got the role of Pennywise the argument they had was earth shattering.

“I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU’RE TELLING ME NOT TO TAKE THIS! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR MY ENTIRE CAREER!” Bill yelled, he was blue in the face already from screaming and he had stretched to his full height of 6’4. He was still dressed in his plaid yellow pajama pants and an old t-shirt from Y/N’s cousin’s wedding (‘Laura and Tom Forever’ was hardly visible now that he had worn it and washed it countless times). He reached over Y/N’s shoulder and roughly poured coffee into his mug. The hot coffee splashed all over the floor, burning the tips of Y/N’s toes.

“I’M NOT SAYING THAT YOU SHOULDN’T TAKE IT, BILL!” Y/N countered, ignoring the dull pain in her toes. “I’M SAYING THAT MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK TWICE ABOUT HOW GREAT THIS IS! HOW OFTEN DO YOU THINK WE’LL SEE EACH OTHER ONCE FILMING STARTS HM? ONCE A WEEK? THAT - IS - NOT - GOOD - ENOUGH!” The thing about Y/N (and most cowards for that matter) was that she could never let an argument go. Once she started she was like a ball rolling down a hill. She couldn’t ever walk away for fear of what might happen if she did; would he walk away too?

“I THINK WE’LL WORK IT OUT! HONESTLY YOU’RE JUST BEING SELFISH AS ALWAYS!” Bill screeched back, but as he used his arms to gesture the rest of the coffee in the mug spilt onto the floor. Y/N jumped and retreated but, if she were to be honest, she wasn’t quite sure if it was because of the coffee or because of the vile in Bill’s words. Selfish as always, he had said. Though they had made up eventually, after cleaning the coffee and apologizing to one another profusely, she couldn’t get those words out of the back of her mind. Like a ghost they followed her, when Bill came home for the first time since filming started, Selfish as always, when she met the cast of the Loser’s Club, Selfish as always, when Y/N went to set to see Bill, Selfish as always. Perhaps it was in the nature of the cowards, to be selfish, always fearing the ultimate thing as they watched their own backs.

So Y/N tried to make peace with that development too.

“Hey honey,” Bill murmured as he leant down to peck Y/N’s buttery lips. She had just gotten off the plane, her pillow still hanging around her neck and headphones spilling from her ears, she lugged a heavy carry on bag. “Let me get that for you,” Bill said, still just as quiet as he attempted to grab the handle of the case but Y/N immediately used her right hand to pull it away from his helpful grasp.

“I got it babe,” Y/N replied, rubbing her boyfriend’s shoulder comfortingly with her free hand. He looked at her, eyebrows furrowed, lips apart for only a moment, before shaking it off and telling her all about his day (“I told you about how I was nervous for that scene but Andy said to just…”). Y/N listened carefully, trying to hang onto every word to ask him about later. As Bill spoke on and on and on, Y/N nodded, laughed, smiled at what she hoped were all appropriate times. She dragged her suitcase along the cold floor of the airport, finally reaching the sliding glass entrance doors which revealed a cloudy scene. There were plenty of places she would’ve rather been then cloudy and rainy Vancouver (take for example sunny California), but Bill had wanted her here to experience the full screening of IT with the rest of the cast and crew. Therefore here she was.

Once they reached Bill’s car, Bill, helpful bugger that he was, took Y/N’s suitcase, opened the car door for her, and buckled her seatbelt. Selfish as al-. She stopped herself from thinking the rest, breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. She had been concentrating so much so on her breathing that, before she could realize it, she was sitting in front of a big blank movie screen in a small, freezing theater. She could slightly remember going to bed the night before, being pulled by the waist into Bill’s long and strong arms. She could slightly remember getting dressed this morning, being prepped on what she could and could not reveal to the public about the movie (like she’d be able to talk to any sort of media).

As the introduction music played and the screen blinked to life, Bill wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him like he had done last night. He looked at her, smile wider than Y/N had ever seen before and whispered in her ear (as to not to disturb anyone else in the theater), “Are you excited?” Y/N quickly nodded back, smiling just as wide (but not nearly as genuine), before motioning for him to hush.

As the movie rolled on, the happiness from the cast and crew was palpable, which was ironic considering the dark subject of the film. Bill kept on leaning in to whisper things in her ear and nudge her to let her know to pay attention at certain bits. Y/N was so proud of him. It was truly beautiful to know how talented the person one loves is, but as the scenes played on she couldn’t help herself but tear a bit. She was not necessarily afraid of the movie. Pennywise, for all intents and purposes was her boyfriend, she had seen him in and out of costume a number of times. Regardless, by the time Bill was on screen climbing out from a refrigerator, Y/N couldn’t help but silently sob. Wet, full, heavy tears rolled down her cheeks and pooled into her lap. Selfish as always, Y/N remembered as she rubbed her nose with the back of her sweater, creating a pitiful sniffle that alerted Bill to look at her.

“Y/N, ar-are you crying?” Bill asked, reaching up to touch her cheek with pads of his fingertips. She looked away from him, causing his arm to fall from her face. “Y/N?” He repeated, and she could feel his looming figure ghost over her shoulder. She took a shaky breath in, letting it rattle her rib cage, before grabbing her coat and leaving the small cinema entirely. She pushed her way out of the double doors, and covered her face with her hands, as tears after tears pour from her ducts.

“Y/N! Y/N WHAT THE HELL!” She could hear her boyfriend shout from in the theater, but she ignored it. She simply leant against the wall and sank. Sank to the floor.

“Y/N WHAT - WHAT - oh.” He stopped as he saw her state. Sunken. “What happened? What - is- is it movie?” He didn’t crouch on his knees to comfort her like she had expected him to, rather he just stood aloof.

She wiped tears from her soft cheek and laughed sardonically. “No n-.”

“Then what is it? Why are you -?” Bill asked, Y/N could sense the strain and panic rising in his voice. He waited for a few moments shuffling back and forth on his heels awkwardly as he awaited a response.

“BECAUSE!” She finally yelled, cutting the tension, causing more wet hot drops to squeeze out. “I’m TRYING NOT to be ‘selfish as always’ and I’m TRYING to brave, because I can see how much you love this but - but..” She trailed off, to have the things she have been thinking about over the course of the last year finally vocalize was a relief but she couldn’t help but to stop once she saw Bill crestfallen.

“But what?” Bill whimpered so quietly Y/N wasn’t sure she had actually heard it.

“But I can’t.” She said, pushing herself off the wall and standing up. Tears still streamed down her face and she could tell that her eyes were red and puffy, but she got up anyhow and left.

[mcttdumcnt-blog]

chain reaction // a matt selfpara

WHEN: june 2017 WHERE: classified overseas mission, somewhere in the middle east WHAT: the event that changed matt (and the rest of his team’s life.) TRIGGERS: death, ptsd, explosions. 

“You can’t blame yourself. It could have been any of us...”  “Morales would not have wanted that, buddy. You know he loved you best...” “Look, it’s over, just...come to the funeral, dude.” 

Matt had locked himself in his bunker, the memory still too fresh in his head. Closing his eyes, he could still picture the day, almost by heart. The laughter, the banter...the inevitable boom. Victor Morales was Matt’s hero. Their sergeant and the best man Matt would ever know, besides his father. The tears had stopped a while ago, but now his eyes stung. He couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. He just paced around a lot, driving himself insane. 

Now, the thing that very few people knew about Sergeant Victor Morales was that he loved placing bets. But these weren’t the gambling kinds; he loved betting on trivial things. Something like, “if Dumont makes a full lap around that field in two minutes, then I’ll trade my care package for yours” or “I bet you couldn’t finish this whole pitcher of water before me”. There was also the thing about Victor Morales being a grizzly war instructor who took no shit and a sadistic pleasure in pushing the limits of his cadets. Gender be damned, he didn’t even spare Gabi Henderson, and she had two brothers in the Air Force. 

Matt loved that man. He had trained under Sgt. Morales for twenty two months, and he learned so much from that man. As much as he feared Victor, he also respected the man. Because for once in his life, Victor Morales didn’t pigeonhole Matt. Matt was a plain piece of cardboard to Victor. Something to break down and strengthen again. 

That morning started out like any other; these cadets were now officially senior airmen. Out of the country, in freaking [redacted]. But Sgt. Morales had warned them to pace themselves. That the field was dangerous, nothing like they had done in base camp or in the training camps after that. Officers Alvez, Dumont, Henderson and Way, Morales’ prodigies as he liked to call them, not fondly. “I could taught ballet to monkeys and have better results than you fucking ‘prodigies’.” Way had wanted to quit the very next day. But like they said, the day started out like any other. Gabi and Matt couldn’t keep their hands off each other, Alvez threw an empty can at them, and Morales told them to suit up and get ready in ten. 

And within the next hour, they were in the sky and monitoring the grounds for any signs of suspicious activites. “Today we’re looking for Vector 5. Find coordinates, over.” That was Morales, chatty as always. “This is Henderson, coordinates have been locked. Ready for flight change. Over.” “Team, do you copy?” “We copy, over.” It was a chorus, marred a little by static. They were flying sout east, where signs of rebel activity seemed to have been reported increasingly.

They had just finished ‘sweeping’ when Matt noticed something on his radar. It was still on the ground, but it looked like someone was planning to shoot a bird out of the sky. But Matt didn’t pay attention; it had been there for their last sweep. Something inactive, perhaps. 

“This is Dumont, Team do you copy? Unidentified object on the ground. I repeat, unidentified hostile.” “Dumont, this is Morales we copy. Team---” There was more static, louder and painful enough for Matt to momentarily lose control. And then it all happened too soon. 

The thing fired, too fast for the team actually notice. Sgt. Morales plane took a nosedive, and before they could even hear, there was a collision. Matt saw it with his own eyes; in slow motion, like his life was a fucking movie.

The blast looked like an orange sunset in the blue sky, and even before Morales’ voice got cut off, the team knew that he was long gone. That was the first time Matt ever felt devasted; like a trap door had opened and his heart just fell out, dropped on the ground. 

He was horrified. 

Back in Atlanta, Matt stood beside the grave of a brave man, listening to the pastor give a speech about the man who seemed so much more than those words. He was a hero, a veteran, would never be forgotten. And as they stood there, survivor’s guilt began to flood Matt’s system. He could have stopped it.

The team was shaken; Way had suffered a concussion in the incident, on his way to a full recovery soon. So it was just the three of them, and their mentor on the ground. They got to meet the ex Missus Morales, pay their dues and then get drunk. But through it all, the man couldn’t shake the guilt. The close call. 

He could have died that day. 

And two days later, he was on a plane to North Carolina. Coming home was bittersweet, and for the first forty eight hours, Matt just slept. Plagued by nightmare upon nightmare. The emails came soon enough; a temporary leave of absence for twelve months, followed by a psych eval. There was also numbers for trained psychologists. 

But Matt found comfort in keeping it quiet. Never addressing his feelings, keeping it all in. He had more problems to deal with than some stupid psychological exam. He was fine. Even though the voices in his head said otherwise.

[sarahsilverdog-blog-blog]

One Problem At A Time Ch. 4

So, it looks like this is gonna go for a while, so I am tagging it #OneProblem. Thank you!

FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES

I’m not big on social graces,

Think I'll slip on down to the oasis.

-Garth Brooks

One hour and thirty minutes left.

Clementine stayed in the lab with Sam but everyone else surrounded the plane’s main door, guns raised and ready for their visitor. The man who stepped through the plane's hatch could have been anywhere from forty to seventy, iron gray hair peeked out from beneath the brim of his cowboy hat but there were few lines on his face. he was big and burly like a bear but lean and hard, no fat anywhere on him. He wore jeans with leather chaps, intricately stitched cowboy boots, a plain blue workshirt covered with a worn denim jacket...and a fancy, pearl-handled six shooter hung from his hip, Flanked by two men in an eclectic mix of military and western clothing, he didn't seem disconcerted at all to be greeted by six people bristling with loaded weapons all pointed at him and he raised his hands cooperatively and grinned, showing even, white teeth. "G'day folks,” he said in a thick Australian accent, inclining his head to Mitch who was the closest one to him. "Morris Brown, formerly of the Royal Australian Regiment, 4th Battalion, currently of the SoCal Extract/Evac Company, at your service." He got a good look at Jamie, covered in blood and filth, and Jackson, whose eye had blackened magnificently and whose throat was ringed with darkening bruises. "Looks like you folks had a bit of a scrap.”

Jamie snorted. “That's an understatement.”

Jackson eyed Morris Brown closely and said in his gravelly, injured voice, “I’ve heard of you. Your company did the San Diego job a couple of years ago. That was some nice work." He lowered his gun, and the others did too, the tension easing in the room and Brown dropped his hands to sides.

Tessa said, "Impressive work, you mean." She explained to the others. “They evacuated five thousand people in one group, walked them 350 miles through hybrid infested desert and only lost one person- to appendicitis. That's the stuff of legends.”

Brown looked pleased at the praise and rocked back on his heels. "Yeah, that was one bugger of a run. Took two months to get ‘em to the safe zone, razorbacks attacking every few days." He turned to Jackson. "But you're a bit of a celebrity yourself, mate. I know who you are, Dylan Green. Number one evac specialist north of San Francisco, though I think your pet lions give you a bit of an advantage.” He glanced around the interior of the plane with delighted curiosity. “I don’t suppose they are with you now?"

"The lions didn't have enough frequent flier miles," Mitch interjected impatiently. "Not to be rude, but we are kind of on a tight schedule, soo…”

“Oh, right,” Brown said, not seeming offended in the least. He turned and nodded to one of his men, who disappeared back out of the plane. "We're on our way back from a run and well, there's strange things going on in the hybrid zone." He scratched up under his hat at his cropped gray hair. “I maybe saw the most bizarre of all a few hours ago...anyhow it's something we need to look into but we picked up a, uh, passenger that isn’t suited to fast, hard travel in a truck caravan. I was hoping we could leave it with you folks...” he trailed off as the man reappeared, holding a tiny bundle that suddenly let out a squalling scream.

There was stunned silence for a second. then Mitch handed Jamie his rifle and with a happy sob took his grandson in his arms. Relief swept like a wave over them all, suddenly they surrounded baby Sam, laughing and smiling with the utter joy of his unbelievable presence. Clementine came racing down the staircase from the lab, having heard her son's cries; everyone fell back and let her take her son from his grandfather in her trembling hands, hugging him tightly as Mitch held them both in a protective embrace. Jamie sidled away but one of Mitch's hands caught hers and pulled her into their family circle, though she resisted slightly he was insistent and she gave in, letting his arms encircle her too as she hugged Clem and smiled over baby Sam.

Morris Brown was taking in this scene with keen interest, and he waggled his bushy eyebrows at Jackson and said, "I guess you lot don't find a baby as strange as we do.”

Jackson was smiling happily, tears in his eyes and he shook his head at Brown and said hoarsely, “We suddenly don't have such a tight schedule. How about a drink and you tell us how you ended up with the baby?”

***

Brown set one of his five men on guard, to watch out for hybrids- or other things- and the rest of them retired to the bar for a drink. Jamie excused herself after one; Clem had taken Baby Sam to be with his father in the lab after Mitch examined him (and after Abe administered the sterility cure injection); Jackson/Dylan and Tessa were discussing evacuation runs and other business she didn't particularly care about too much with their visitors, though Abe and Dariela were extremely interested as they discussed tactics and various plans that worked, or didn’t. The sticky dinosaur blood that covered her was getting unbearable, itchy and crackling against her skin and when she moved her right arm there was a worrisome tugging sensation that she was afraid was a deep cut that her clothes had dried to. She was brutally sore and wanted nothing more than to peel the filthy clothes off and climb into a steaming hot shower. Mitch started down the hall after her and she almost told him to stay put but then she realized he didn’t particularly want to listen to tactical Evac stories, and he didn’t want to intrude on his daughter's newly reunited family- he wanted to be with her. She waited for him to catch up and teased, “Time for my private exam, doctor?”

He smiled but his eyes were serious. "Actually, Miss Campbell, it is. I’ve noticed the way you’ve been moving your right arm and favoring your right side. I know am just a vet,” she snickered at that, "but I think I am qualified to check you out.”

They needed to talk, she knew, needed to work out some of the events of the last 72 hours; Max, and Logan, and discuss some things that had been said, or maybe hadn't been said, but now wasn't the time. She was tired, sore, and they were still both too warm with the residual happiness of baby Sam to start dissecting the darkness between them.

Mitch saw her hesitation and guessed the reason behind it truthfully, he didn’t really want to hash it out now either, he was too confused, too amazed, too unsettled… just too much. “I don’t –“ he started, then took her hand and said, “I just want to make sure you’re okay, Jamie.”

Taking it as a promise, she opened the door to her room and let him in.

***

Mitch rejoined the others in the bar a short while later. Jamie hadn't had any serious injuries, the worst was the laceration she had feared, a deep cut in her shoulder from the dagger sharp talons of the dinosaur. Adrenaline had kept her from feeling it, but she had felt it well enough when Mitch pulled the clotted, matted cloth from it with a sickening ripping sound, making her pale as fresh blood seeped from the gash. She also had a darkening bruise from her right armpit to her hip, where she had landed when the dino attacked her but otherwise she seemed fine and as promised, when he had determined that she didn't need any serious doctoring, he left her to it with a kiss and a promise to let him disinfect the gash after her shower.

The conversation in the bar had shifted to different hybrids they had seen recently, and the talk had turned from somewhat jovial to something more subdued and tense. Apparently there were more terrible creatures out there than they had already dealt with, and Mitch blanched at the mention of spider hybrids the size of golden retrievers, massive eight foot tall goats that had five foot long horns and razor sharp hooves, and at least one woolly mammoth, which had used its massive tusks to knock a locomotive off of the tracks outside of Los Angeles. It was somewhat frightening to consider that six-foot tall, vicious Cretaceous dinosaurs weren’t the worst they were going to face as Abigail’s creatures roamed freely into North America.

Once he had poured himself a drink and taken a seat with the others, the conversation changed as Mitch said. "So, Crocodile Dundee, tell me how you figured out country music scares the monsters away.”

Brown just laughed. "Crocodile Dundee. You Americans are so unoriginal. 'Throw another shrimp on the barbie’ and all that.” He squinted hard at Mitch, then shrugged. “To be honest, Dr. Morgan, we have no idea how it works. We just happened to luck into the discovery.” He took a deep swallow of the golden amber liquid in his glass and settled back into his seat. “We don't only do evac work, though that is our main focus. We also, eh," he searched for a delicate term, “clean up after the survivors have been evacuated.”

“Loot, you mean.” Dariela snapped. Brown only shrugged again. “If that's what you like to call it, mate. One man's trash is another man's treasure. Anyway, about a week ago we were cleaning a cabin we found in Nevada outside some desert town called Rachel. Wasn't much in it, but Chuck here," he motioned to one of his men, “found some little ipod type thing and snagged it, thinking there might be some good music on it. Turns out there wasn’t, just that terrible song on a loop, over and over and over." He shook his fist at the sky and said, “I’ve got friends in low places too, mate! Such a bloody come down. We were in one of the trucks and we came on a herd of those goat hybrids and Chuck was so mad at the song he was about to throw the damn thing out when all of a sudden the goats started to run. Away. Now, in our experience those stubborn, canty headed bastards will charge every time, but while that bloody awful music was playing, they ran.

“We experimented. Cut the song off, they charged us, turned it on, they stopped in their tracks and skedaddled the other way. So we tried it on the next hybrid we met, a razorback. Ran. Vulture, flew away." He grinned, his hatless gray head shining in the plane's soft light. "It's a terrible price to pay, but for those we love, we sacrifice!" He guffawed and gulped the rest of his drink down, motioning to Mitch to refill it.

Mitch took his glass, rose and went to the bar, but he stopped short of pouring the whisky. “I owe you,” he said, inclining his head gratefully towards Brown, “for bringing the baby back to us -and l still want to know how that came about - but I think if you let me study that device with the song on it, I can figure out why it repels the hybrids and maybe you won't ever have to hear that song again,” he shrugged, “Or at the least, maybe I can change the song.”

“That in itself would be a relief, my friend." Brown said, and Mitch smiled as he handed him his drink.

***

They moved the party to the lab, after Mitch saw Clem and Sam into his bedroom with the baby. Sam was still in rough shape but seeing his son and spending some quiet time with Clementine had done wonders for him, and the lab was too cold and uncomfortable for someone trying to rest. Jamie rejoined them, clean and fresh and creamy white in the glow of the lab's lights and Mitch was gratified to see her in somewhat casual clothing - in his mind he characterized it as ‘Early Jamie', faded jeans and a cute t-shirt and a light sweater -and she hadn't done her hair, it was tousled and curled and Mitch wanted nothing more in the world than to twist one of those curls in his fingers, pull it down and let his hand graze her cheek...but his imagination was cut off as Morris Brown whistled slowly at Jamie and said, "Well, we are officially a part of the jet set! Pun intended, of course! Jamie Campbell, of one of my favorite authors of one of my favorite novels.” He was quite a few drinks in, and he gave Jamie a friendly leer as he said, “I didn’t recognize you before when you were so...dirty," and winked, taking her hand, bending low and kissing her knuckles softly.

Mitch rolled his eyes loudly and Jamie withdrew her hand firmly with her ‘celebrity smile', the one she always used on talk shows and interviews and with overbearing fans. Mitch recognized it at once, how many times had he seen her use it when weaseling information out of someone or dealing with idiot officials who couldn't be handled by anyone else? lt was another glimpse of the old Jamie, and Mitch found himself feeling grateful that she was still...her.

"Thank You," she said to Brown, then pointedly joined Mitch at his computer and took his hand, looking down at what he was working on.

Morris Brown chuckled and took another drink. “Aye, you're a lucky man, Dr. Morgan," he said, slapping his hand on his thigh. "No offense meant Miss Campbell. And you’re still my favorite author." He leaned sharply forward and said to Jackson/Dylan, "She may be the writer, but now I want you to tell me a story.”

Jamie stayed next to Mitch as he worked on the device Brown had given them. It was connected to one of their diagnostic computers and he ran a variety of different tests on it as Morris Brown listened to Jackson/Dylan and Abe take turns telling him about Abigail and the hybrids, New York, the volcano, Clem's miracle baby and the cure for sterility, and the breach in the barrier and their escape, though they left out Jackson's involvement both as her brother and as the one who drove the plane through the wall.

Well," Brown said, his deep Aussie accent broadened by alcohol, "I told you I had seen some strange things. About four hours before we found you, we came across the herd of rhino hybrids you folks acquainted yourselves with earlier. They were acting fairly bizarre, all standing in one place, looking the same direction. No panic, no snorting, no bellowing, not even when we started to drive around them, Then we saw a jeep parked at the edge of the herd, and a sheila, right up close, using some kind of hand signals and be damned if the rhinos weren't behaving as if they knew what she was saying!”

The crew all exchanged looks as Morris continued, "Well, we got up to the jeep before she noticed us, close enough for me to notice a baby seat in the back. Funny how baby seats never caught my eye before but I guess after you haven’t seen an ankle biter in a decade those kind of things look out of place. Anyway, she finally saw us and she didn’t bat an eye as she waved her hands and those damn monsters came charging at us so fast Chuck almost didn't hit play." He paused and threw a toothy grin at Chuck, who answered. "But l did, and those sumbitches wheeled around so quick they almost trampled the lady where she stood.”

Morris Brown took over. "Seemed like the music was hurting her too, she grabbed her head like it was about to bust but then again, maybe she just doesn’t like country music. But here's where the craziest part comes in. She was too far from her jeep, and she seemed pretty surprised that the beasties were running away such a hurry. She got a look at our arsenal bearing down on her so she made some kind of sign and one of those big bastards came back to her, let her climb on it and she rode away on it!” He shook his head as if he still couldn't believe what his own eyes had seen. "Craziest damn thing I’ve ever seen. We did a quick go over of the jeep and didn't find anything but well, the baby. We had figured on taking it to the Barrier and leaving it, but since you say they’ve evacuated –“ he shrugged and took another swallow of whisky.

Suddenly Mitch broke in. "Hey, Ja- uh, Dylan, could you come over here for a sec?" Brown didn't miss Mitch's mistake and his keen eyes suddenly narrowed as Jackson rose and joined Mitch at his computer. He had a screen up and Jamie peered over their shoulders as he pointed to two parallel, wavy lines that intersected at uniform points, "This look familiar to you?”

Jackson looked up at him incredulously. "That looks just like the combination of frequencies Abigail used to make the beacons, hers and mine, but opposite ranges, So instead of drawing the hybrids-“

“They repel them." Mitch finished, halfway between triumph and jealousy. “It’s genius, l don’t know why think of it before.” He beamed at Jamie, who squeezed his hand as he said, "I can isolate the frequencies and we can play it from anything that can broadcast. Looks like we may have a new line of defense.”

***

Everyone had gone to bed except the two of them; Morris Brown and his men were sprawled on various couches throughout the plane and the others had gone to their rooms. Mitch had isolated the repellant frequency from the music and had it on a loop that was silent to the human ear but would hopefully keep hybrids away and Jamie had set proximity alarms on every entrance to the plane so everyone felt reasonably secure. Having six extra, heavily armed people on board for the night made it feel a little less worrisome too. They sat close together at the bar, nursing what was left of a bottle of vodka. Other than the impersonal exam earlier, and his quick, post-shower dressing of her wound, it was the first time they had been alone together in what felt like weeks, though it had only been little more than a day.

Jamie could feel him steeling himself up to say something and she was pretty sure she knew what it was going to be. As much as he had tried to make her feel better before, trying to claim darkness for himself, she knew he really wasn't accustomed to ruthless Jamie. Single-minded Jamie, yes, she'd always been that, but his brilliant brain was having trouble processing what ten years of bleak disappointment and pain had done to her. For years revenge had been her only motivating factor, in truth, years before she even met Mitch revenge had been her motivator but she'd had hope then, hope that things would work out in the end, hope that the little guy would win, and even hope that she and Mitch could make some kind of life together after the animal apocalypse. Then Mitch was gone, and she had hope that she could take care of Clementine the way he had wanted, hope that she could keep some part of him alive in herself through his daughter. Then Max took Clem and she had nothing. Logan hadn’t been, would never have been enough for her, so vengeance had filled that hole in her heart and she didnt know if she could make room in it again for something so weak and fickle as hope.

“So what was that out there?” He finally asked, his hand cupping her cheek, gently but firmly, she wasn’t going to look away.

She did anyway. and he let his hand fall, picking up his drink instead as she answered innocently, "What was what?"

He wasn’t going to deal with her bullshit tonight, and he rolled his eyes as if to say, really? "Didnt we just have a whole conversation about darkness? I think kicking Jackson in the face and threatening to burn him alive is a bit dark, even for you.”

“I wasn’t going to burn Jackson," she scoffed, though she couldn't deny the kick in the face so she took the easy one first. “l was threatening to burn the zombie because they are afraid of fire, which worked by the way.”

“No, it didn't. What worked was the flaming Thanksgiving turkey smashing into it." He had her there, and she leaned slightly away in irritation, pursing her lips and rearranging her socked feet on the barstool railing. Mitch didn't miss her reaction, and he pressed his advantage. “And what made you think fire would work on a zombie?”

Already annoyed at him, she rolled her eyes so hard she was afraid she'd strained her optic nerve. "Hello? I grew up in Louisiana? Bayous?Voodoo? Zombies? Didn't you spend a year there?”

"Studying giant river rats, not the undead.” He finished his drink, poured himself another and topped Jamie's off with the remainder of the bottle, plopping it loudly on the back of the bar. "Need to get some more of this." He sighed, swirling his drink in the bottom of his glass and deciding to let her off the hook for now said instead, "l could be studying the undead right now, but we left them in the compound. Not that I could do much with the soldier, since I think he's been barbecued beyond use,” he looked emphatically at Jamie, eliciting a snort of laughter she tried to suppress, "but l could still learn something from the dog.”

She swallowed the last of her drink in one gulp, jumped up from the barstool and said, "Well, lets go get it then." He looked at her blankly and she said, "The dog. It's still there in the compound, right? I mean, where would it go?"

He took another sip and looked sideways at her, then down at her feet. "Uh huh. You going in your socks or are you gonna put on some fuzzy slippers first?”

The laugh was real, warm and honeyed and rich and it sent shivers down his spine as the mood subtly shifted between them. "Maybe we can wait until tomorrow," she said, her voice suddenly husky and low, stepping between his knees she leaned into him as he bent to meet her lips with his. Electricity surged between them, fusing them together, all sparking neurons and melding molecules; her hands burned against his thighs, through the thick material of his jeans and in the desperate reaches of his lizard brain he wondered vaguely if she planned on burning him alive, though at the moment he didn't really care if she did. He buried his hands in her hair, pulling her closer, needing her closer and she responded, tightening her body against his because she needed him too.

They finally surfaced for air, and Mitch stood. holding her to him and brushing tousled tendrils of her hair away from her face. "Uh, my room is currently being used as a nursery ..sooo, think maybe l can crash with you tonight?" he asked gruffly.

She answered him breathlessly, running her fingers over his stubbly cheek, “I think that can be arranged.”

"Afterwards you can tell me all about zombies," he said, lowering his head to nibble sharp kisses at the soft skin of her throat. “We have to keep up our reputation for lively pillow talk.”

***

Here, darkness was good. Here, darkness kept them safe, hidden from the outside world and its monsters; it hid their scars in shadows, even as they bared themselves completely. Here, in the darkness, it was just the two of them, together.

***

[qksqortn]

- reflections -

tl;dr - 2019 fucked me up, but here’s to hoping that 2020 will finally be my year. heavy stuff -- proceed with caution

Four days into 2020, and I have only now been able to put my thoughts together to reflect upon 2019.

2019 was the year that brought me much deeper down than it brought me up. It was the year that I longed for the end before it was even halfway over. But it was also the year that I grew the most, learned the most, and loved the most.

(skip to bottom if you don’t want to read the detailed description of how 2019 fucked with me)

This year started off with my last semester at Berkeley. I knew from the semester before that I had clinical depression, but I had it under control. Shortly after the semester started, my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer, and I quickly realized that I did not have anything under control. When I found out, I cried for a week. A month, really. At first, it wasn’t because I thought I would lose her. It was because it was the first time I heard so much fear and uncertainty in her voice. It was because my mother had worked so fucking hard her entire life, and for her to be punished like this was unthinkable. I held onto my faith because it was the only thing I could do, but I also hated God for having let this happen. My mom was and is my world, and my world was shaking.

But what could I do? All I could think of from February onward was that I needed to do enough to graduate from college and go back home. I hated myself for having gone to school so far from home, so far from my mom, whose vulnerabilities only became clearer when I left for my freshman year of college.

Who knew that just doing enough to graduate would be so fucking hard? School was busy, and life was busy, but I spent 4 years with some amazing friends, and I spent April having some unforgettable lasts with the same friends who I had my unforgettable firsts. And lo and behold, I graduated from UC Berkeley!

I came back home in May and accompanied my mom to weekly chemotherapy sessions. I watched her in fatigue, pain, and overall constant discomfort. I cried when I was alone, and put on a smile when I was with her. I went on tinder date after hinge date to take my mind off things. It was fun, but nothing was promising. I already wanted the year to end.

In August, I joined my church young adult group and met some great people (some I liked more than others). My mom had her total mastectomy and lumpectomy, and the surgery went well. I spent the rest of August putting in job applications and taking care of my mom. At the end of August, I agreed to temporarily work for my parents full-time for the busy season. I took control of the college counseling program, which was always a headache for my mom. 

September was a month filled with 눈치밥, dressing more professionally and speaking more professionally so no one could say that I was taking advantage of my parents’ position. I worked overtime and at home to make sure that everything got done when it had to get done so no one would have reason to reprimand me, because we all knew how uncomfortable that situation would be.

In October, work only got busier. I was Jaehee the college counseling coordinator, photographer, in-house tech consultant, in-house graphic designer, handbook-writer, and many more. Church got busier as I inadvertently took on more roles. Life got busier as I started dating someone I had no feelings for and taking my mom to radiation treatments every day for 5 weeks. From the outside, it seemed like I had my life together. I was working out almost every day, dieting and losing weight, dating, working hard, and had a church life. But on the inside, I knew I was just going through the motions.

I quickly put an end to dating. I also found out that he was 재활용 불가능한 쓰레기 and a borderline sociopath. Anger took over most of my days, and I became more unstable. I was angry at him, at myself, and at the church group I was in. Nothing could quell my anger but time and work. Work was busier than ever in November, with early action/decision deadlines and BCA prep, and more stressful than ever, with parents breathing down my neck and looking to take advantage of me at any chance they got. It’s safe to say that my anger quickly became insignificant compared to what I had immediately in front of me.

December was an insanely busy month. I had church events left and right, and I again had too many roles. I was working overtime every day, juggling my mom’s hospital appointments, and submitting job applications. In the week before Christmas, I got into two car accidents (I was at fault for the latter one), and I went into mental breakdown. I spent the last week of the year submitting college applications with students and preparing students for their BCA exams.

(end of detailed description)

2019 was not my year. But that doesn’t change the fact that it made me who I am as I start the new year.

Some lessons I learned:

True fear is not something you can get over by jumping out of a plane with a parachute or jumping off a ledge with a bungee cord. True fear is feeling the ground that was so solid and firm under your feet suddenly shake violently. It is being uncertain about things that you have been certain about all of your life. It is not being able to trust yourself with any decision, any opinion, or any emotion. Sometimes, true fear is not having nightmares that wake you up, but having nightmares that don’t let you sleep in the first place.

The only way to get over fear is to confront it and to take control of it (at least for me), and then deal with the consequences. I need to take (educated) risks, and be comfortable with where that may take me.

운전 조심, 남자 조심. It’s so easy to read someone incorrectly, and it is just as easy to read your own emotions incorrectly. When times are rough, the place to look isn’t new romantic love, but tried-and-true love.

I need to stop overloading my plate, and I need to say no.

I need to stop cutting the people in my life slack. If they disappoint me time and time again, I need to reevaluate that relationship.

Even at the most physically, emotionally, and mentally vulnerable point in her life, my mom is the strongest person I know. She will always be my world.

Don’t get me wrong; 2019 wasn’t all bad. I met some amazing people at work and at church who I really hope stay in my life for a very very long time. I made some lasting friendships with unlikely people, and I strengthened the friendships I have with the ones I know have my back. Although I won’t be working there for much longer, I made some instrumental and highly necessary changes in the way things are done at work, and I fulfilled my goal of making my mom’s life easier in all ways that I can (although I probably made it harder in some areas too). I have relationships that I want to deepen in 2020, and goals to fulfill.

Instagram told me today that in 2020, I will be happy (in the 2020 instagram story filter). My new year’s resolution in 2019 was to be happier, and I can confidently say that I was not successful. In 2020, I will be active about seeking happiness, even if it means that I get to my goals a little later and I drink a little less.

[spicynbachili1]

Is a US-China war in Asia inevitable? | China News

New York Metropolis – Chinese language President Xi Jinping’s latest speak of “getting ready for conflict and fight” is simply the most recent instance of feisty language that has stoked fears of a army flare-up with the USA over two potential flashpoints: Taiwan and the South China Sea.

Final week, Xi advised his army commanders in Guangdong province to “focus preparations for combating a conflict”, in feedback distributed by government-run media following a four-day go to to the south.

In the meantime, retired US Lieutenant-Normal Ben Hodges stated it was doubtless the US could be at conflict with China inside 15 years because of a “tense relationship and growing competitors” between the world’s two biggest economies.

With sabre-rattling on either side, two long-standing points between Beijing, Washington, and others have come to the fore as potential flashpoints – the disputed South China Sea and Taiwan, which China views as a renegade province.

Al Jazeera spoke with US-China specialists who stated whereas all-out battle was potential, there remained possibilities to barter, compromise, and handle a aggressive relationship between Washington and Beijing that didn’t want flip ugly.

“They’re each getting ready for it, however it could take an extremely silly management in each nations to finish up in a conflict between the US and China,” Bonnie Glaser, a former Pentagon guide, advised Al Jazeera.

“Sensible insurance policies can take us in a extra optimistic course.”

Sharpening strategy

Washington’s efforts to handle and accommodate China’s rising financial and army clout have shifted underneath US President Donald Trump, who has slapped tariffs on Chinese language imports and accused Beijing of buying and selling unfairly and stealing mental property.

This month, Vice President Mike Pence spoke at a conservative think-tank about cyber-attacks, Taiwan, freedom of the seas and human rights, in a coverage handle that highlighted a sharpening US strategy to China past the bitter commerce conflict.

Pence stated China was waging a complicated effort to sway the elections in opposition to Trump’s Republicans in retaliation for the White Home’s commerce insurance policies. He vowed to proceed exposing Beijing’s “malign affect and interference”.

China was deploying anti-ship and anti-air missiles on synthetic islands within the disputed South China Sea, Pence stated.

He additionally accused Beijing of bullying smaller nations and destabilising Taiwan by pressuring three Latin American nations to chop ties with Taipei.

WATCH: The financial toll of China-US commerce conflict

There have already been real-world penalties.

Final month, the usDecatur was crusing close to Gaven Reef within the South China Sea, when a Chinese language destroyer approached inside 45 metres and compelled the US vessel to manoeuvre to keep away from a collision, the People stated.

Washington sends warships on so-called “freedom of navigation workouts” by way of the South China Sea and the Taiwan Strait to point out they’re worldwide waters and counter Chinese language claims, in addition to bolster US allies within the area.

The Trump administration has struck two arms offers to Taiwan value greater than a $1.7bn mixed.

In September, Washington slapped sanctions on China’s army for getting fighter jets and missile programs from Russia.

China has responded by calling off high-level military-to-military talks; cancelling US Secretary of Defence James Mattis’ go to to Beijing; and conducting live-fire drills with bombers and fighter jets within the South China Sea.

Whereas China’s financial development has been slowed by the commerce conflict, it’s nonetheless increasing at greater than twice as quick because the US’, whereas the state is pouring cash into new applied sciences, resembling quantum computing, biotech and synthetic intelligence.

In accordance with the Worldwide Institute for Strategic Research, China has launched extra submarines, warships and different vessels since 2014 than the variety of ships at the moment serving within the mixed navies of Germany, India, Spain, Taiwan and Britain.

South China Sea dispute

Analysts recall previous political crises between the US and China. In 2001, a US spy aircraft was pressured to land on Hainan after colliding with a Chinese language fighter jet. In 1996, then-US president Invoice Clinton dispatched plane carriers to the Taiwan Strait over Chinese language missile exams.

“There’s an entire basket of points that would result in a US-China battle,” Gregory Poling, an Asia and maritime regulation skilled on the Middle for Strategic and Worldwide Research, advised Al Jazeera.

“The South China Sea is the thorniest. It will get proper on the coronary heart of US primacy within the area, the worldwide order that Washington constructed up since World Struggle II and China’s willingness to bully neighbours and problem that rules-based order.”

The ocean covers some 1.7 million sq. kilometres and accommodates greater than 200 principally uninhabitable small islands, rocks and reefs.

It’s the shortest route between the Pacific and Indian Oceans, and has a number of the world’s busiest delivery lanes.

Brunei, China, Malaysia, the Philippines, Taiwan and Vietnam are concerned in a fancy set of traditionally based mostly territorial disputes there.

China’s claims, the broadest, cowl all the Spratly and Paracel Islands – and a lot of the South China Sea.

The dispute has intensified political and army rivalry throughout the area between the rising energy of China, which has been projecting its rising naval attain, and the long-dominant participant, the USA, which is deepening its ties with Japan, the Philippines and others.

“Washington must get up and realise that whereas the South China Sea is quiet proper now, we’re dropping. Every single day the Chinese language place will get stronger, the positions of the opposite claimants will get weaker, and so they should query the credibility of the US extra day-after-day,” Poling stated.

They’re each getting ready for it, however it could take an extremely silly management in each nations to finish up in a conflict between the US and China.

Bonnie Glaser, a former Pentagon guide

There are additionally indicators of progress, added Poling. This 12 months, the 10-member Affiliation of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) and China began formal talks on a legally binding code of conduct to ease tensions over the strategic waterway.

“There’s numerous cynicism as a result of talks have gone nowhere for the previous 20 years,” stated Poling.

“However there’s nothing basic that makes this unimaginable. There’s nothing within the authorized positions of China, the opposite claimants, and worldwide regulation that may’t permit for a negotiated settlement. These items is doable.”

Taiwan can also be spoken about as a powder keg.

Final week, China’s Defence Minister Wei Fenghe vowed any effort to “to separate Taiwan from China” would lead to China’s armed forces taking “motion at any worth”.

China has claimed self-ruled Taiwan by way of its “one China” coverage since 1949 and vows to deliver it underneath Beijing’s rule – by power if vital.

The US is obliged to assist Taiwan with the means to defend itself underneath the US Congress 1979 Taiwan Relations Act.

Regardless of army build-ups, the intensifying commerce conflict, and heated rhetoric, Glaser stated cool heads will doubtless prevail in Beijing and Washington – even when warships skirt previous one another and “hot-rod pilots” undertake daredevil fly-bys.

“Over the following 20-25 years, I would not essentially anticipate a sizzling conflict and even one thing just like the Chilly Struggle between the US and the Soviet Union, however a chronic, intense, strategic competitors between China and the US that will not finish with the Trump administration,” stated Glaser.

Comply with James Reinl on Twitter: @jamesreinl

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[jacewilliams1]

Student pilot nerves and the fear of flying

Most flying instructors will be familiar with the sight of student pilot nerves and most pilots can remember experiencing them. Learning to fly presents the student with all kinds of challenges. How each person reacts to these depends upon their individual strengths and weaknesses. For some, they must overcome a fear of flying itself.

There are those seemingly gifted novice pilots who seem to sail through all the practical lessons and pass each exam first time as if they were born to the task. They qualify for their licences in minimal time and head off to hour build before moving on to the next round of training that will lead them further along the path to either a career in aviation or perhaps a future in which they are truly pilot in command.

It’s OK if you’re a little nervous in the left seat.

However, I suspect such people are the exception rather than the rule. Most students will take more than the minimal number of hours to learn the practical lessons, and they will not be as confident at every stage. Besides, some of those calm and collected student pilots may have all the appearance of an ice cool fighter jock but underneath they are in as much turmoil as anyone else.

No one likes to admit to being nervous or unsure. It is as if by doing so one utters a social faux pas and this may be because nerves can be contagious. By drawing attention to nerves, one reminds others of their own feelings of anxiety.

The Guilty Relief of a Cancelled Flying Lesson

It is the night before your next lesson. You have been circuit bashing and you know that your first solo is looming. Or perhaps you have been set the task of going on your first cross country solo, your first land away, or the skills test is booked for the following morning. Whatever your next challenge is, there may be some moments in which you feel less like Tom Cruise in Top Gun and more like a quivering plate of jelly.

There may be moments when you look out of the window to check the weather and secretly wish the cloud base were a bit lower and that the weather would close in and postpone the imminent lesson. You might call the flying school and wait with hope in your heart while they check the weather, and you might feel a guilty sense of relief when they tell your lesson is cancelled.

You did not really want to learn to fly, did you? You would much rather put your feet up and watch a film. What fools learn to fly anyway? It will all end in disaster or divorce! Put away those silly, self-indulgent thoughts and keep your feet where they belong—firmly on the ground.

Then you remember other things. You recall the inspiration of books, films, and family members, or people you have met who sowed the seed and started you on this journey. You remember that you look up at just about every opportunity when any type of aircraft passes overhead. You remember that sense of freedom when you first took to the air and looked down at the towns and countryside below, and the beauty of the skies when your instructor took you through a gap in the clouds and you flew above in the bright sunshine, watching the shadow of the aeroplane on the white cloud beneath.

Overcoming Nerves with Distraction

Nerves are normal. They are part of the process of anticipation and they are to be expected when you are about to do something you have never done before or at least not often. The trick is not to focus on them and turn your attention to other things. In other words, distract that fearful part of yourself by thinking about something else. Use the power of your imagination to portray the outcome you desire. There you are, confidently flying the plane, in full control and command. That is, you, in the left-hand seat, flying neat circuits, and flying from A to B in full and certain knowledge of where you are at any given time.

Visualizing success is a powerful distraction.

Have you ever been on your way to an interview, dental appointment, or presentation (substitute your own fear-inducing event if need be) and seen something that quite literally “took your mind off it?” That is all distraction is—turning your attention away from your thoughts of disaster and towards either mental images of success or something completely different from the imminent experience.

Worried about getting lost? If worst comes to worst call on 121.5. They are there to help. They want to help. It is their job and that is what they are waiting for—anyone to make that call so that they can give the help they have been trained to provide. There is no shame in admitting that you need some help. The idiot is the pilot who stubbornly refuses to admit to him/herself that help is needed and flies on into some unhappy outcome.

Breathe, and become calm

Butterflies in the stomach? Sweaty palms? Wobbly legs? As well as the mental trick of distraction there is another simple method for calming your body down—breathing. No, not that shallow breathing we all do on autopilot, but deep abdominal breathing. It is a conscious way of filling your lungs with more air and consequently more oxygen. By adding more oxygen to your lungs and consequently your blood stream your brain receives more, and therefore your mind feels clearer.

As the name suggests, abdominal breathing is simply the process of extending your abdomen outwards as you breathe in, and inwards and you breathe out. By doing pushing your abdomen out you draw your diaphragm (the wall between your lungs and your stomach) down, and that motion in turn creates a partial vacuum in your lungs so that air rushes in. The reverse helps to push the breath out once you have absorbed all that lovely oxygen. The motion should be gentle, fluid, and rhythmic. Try setting up a sequence where you breath in for four counts, hold for two counts, and out for four counts.

Three deep abdominal breaths can have a calming effect in all kinds of situations, not just before your next flying lesson.

Confidence increases in proportion to logbook entries

Another thing you can think about is that feeling of elation after successfully completing a flight.  Remember when you walked across the apron feeling ten feet tall and ready to fly around the world? That is one of the reasons we fly. To feel that buzz again you have got one little task to do first—fly the aeroplane again.

The post Student pilot nerves and the fear of flying appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

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[renus-justine]

PALEx Graduation, my Valedictorian

I was 3. My mama told us a story of a plane crash in our neighborhood that took place many years before I was born. The story keeps repeating in my mind. I started to fear airplanes.

I was 4. It was raining so hard that it's almost impossible to hear any sound other than the heavy rain. But I heard it— the frightening roar of an airplane passing. I hid under the table, covered my ears, and prayed that it will not fall on us. The preschool teacher explained to me that the roaring is a normal sound created when the airplane is traveling in opposed direction to the wind. My hands still sweat whenever I hear the roar.

I was 5 and starting to like geography. My father and I are discussing the landmasses of the Americas when I told him that I want to get inside the Atlas and walk my way through the different countries found inside. He said that I'm already big enough to fit the poor book but there are people that work in the airplane who get see different countries everyday. I asked him if they are "astronauts", he said that they are some sort of like those minus the weird helmets and space suits. I said that I'd like to become one. He answered that it can only be possible if I grow into some 5 ft 6 inches tall and got my crooked teeth fixed. That was the first time I dreamt of becoming a Flight Attendant.

I was 11. My classmate said that one of the requirements or becoming a Flight Attendant is jumping off from a moving airplane that is 10,000 ft above the ground. I hate heights, they make me feel nauseated. I told myself to set aside that dream and focus first on my high school entrance exams. I completely forgot about my dream for years.

I was 14— a school pub writer and a weird adolescent. I have this big crush on a Thai Actor named Jirayu "Kao". I wrote a story in my diary where we get to meet each other in the plane; him being the cool rockstar as he is, and me being the FA assigned to serve him. It's humiliating to remember that I wrote that story— I still laugh at myself sometimes.

I was 16, an incoming college freshman with absolutely no idea on what course to take on. I qualified in a scholarship program in a local college where I got to choose from three courses; Computer Science, Information Systems, and Tourism Management. I have chosen the latter because I've had enough of binary language and Visual Basic back in high school. I hate programming.

I was 18. I am nearly finished with my college course but has never rode nor even got close to a real aeroplane. Sure my college conducted Educational Tours and Cultural exchange programs, but I was never able to join because we cannot afford them. I wonder what does it feel like to be up there and flying.

I am 20. Few days ago, my friends told me of a mass hiring of a local airline happening in our city. I said that it's quite impossible for me to attend due to work commitments. I woke up early, I hear that little voice inside me saying that I should give it a go. But I just can't, it's another busy day at work. Due to a reason unknown to me now, I had to stay a little longer at work. I was left by the company shuttle. I told myself that maybe, in one way or another, being a Flight Attendant is a profession not destined for me. As I motioned my way to go, one of my workmates offered me a carpool going to the mass hiring venue.

It was already 3:30 pm at the time I reached my destination. The employee in the registration area told me that I am the last person they will accommodate before registration closes. For a brief moment, I thought that I'm lucky— not until when he asked for my resumè. I wasn't able to bring one. Thinking.... Thinking.... I heard a voice calling my name. There he goes— my best friend waving at me saying, "I printed your resumè." All I can think of was, "God, what a save."

It was the third stage of the hiring process when one of the HR asked me, "Why shouldn't we hire you?". I was caught off guard. I thought that marketing yourself in front of five professional looking individuals was hard, until this question came. I was quiet for two minutes, I didn't know what to say. It was then that I decided to just be honest and answered, "I'm a fresh graduate. There's nothing much I did in my past two months of employment that I can truly be proud of. I have crooked teeth, that's why I'm still required to wear braces until such time that my teeth get straight. I have an imperfect complexion— mosquito-bite marks everywhere, dark elbows and knees. I have poor eyesight, I've had it eversince I was 7. And most importantly, I haven't been in an airplane before. I don't have the slightest idea of what the interior of the airplane looks like. I'm not even sure, on whether I can stand airsickness or not."

What are the odds of getting hired after hearing those things? One from the HR team said, "We can feel the genuineness in your voice whenever you speak. You need not to be perfect, you just have to be yourself. Congratulations, welcome to PAL Express." Seeing your dreams, the things that you have prayed for, for years, unfold before your eyes was surreal. I always pray for the same thing every night, that God will help me find my vocation in flying. And I did.

To my tatang— the first person who believed that I can be a Flight Stewardess, see you in the skies. To my mama— the wind beneath my wings, we will reach places together. To my family and to friends who treated me as their own family— I owe everything to you. Maraming salamat po!

Not many are blessed to know what they really want to become in life, so when you find it, make sure to give it a good fight. It sure is a turbulent journey, but never let circumstances sway you from your resolve.

Mirjan Hipolito 2P-9917 Former First Rider, now flying with you.