#mostly to stay active you know but not to get into shape or whatever

[osamusbigtits]

osamu stretches, breathing out slowly. he's recently gotten into yoga- to work on getting exercise again as well as getting his mind to calm down. he finds it relaxing, a nice way to start his mornings.

while, it's relaxing when rintarou isn't around trying to distract him.

"nice ass. think you can take a quick break this morning," rintarou says, winking at osamu.

"nope." osamu transitions into his next pose. of course, his next move was downward dog, and of course, rintarou slapped osamu's ass. "make yourself breakfast then, whore," osamu says.

"you're an asshole." rintarou leans down and kisses osamu's buttcheek. "breakfast will be ready when you're done."

osamu smiles as rintarou walks away.

maybe yoga with rintarou isn't too bad.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

we should improve the state of physical fitness classes in elementary and secondary schools somewhat

[struwberrii]

kenma headcanons ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

like the title says,, here are my cute kenma headcanons from my head that i just made up just now, hope you guys like ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ (mostly relationship stuff)

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

hes super blunt and honest, a bunch of his classmates dont like him because he always tells it how it is

probably takes in stray cats sometimes and hides them from his family

lives in the same 3 hoodies

literally doesnt do anything if he doesnt feel like it, probably is behind on homework and stuff because of this

one of those people who say they don’t like the taste of water

HATES physical touch, but if you like it he lets you hug him or whatever you want

teaches you how to play his favorite games and also plays your games (if ur also a smelly gamer/j)

SLEEPER BUILD everyone always acts like hes so weak and scrawny like no he isn't the strongest but like he still played volleyball and practiced daily i KNOW he would beat me in a fight physically OR verbally and im literally taller than him (╥﹏╥)

i also feel like hed probably try and stay in shape after high school even though he doesnt have the best diet but i feel like hed still stay active yk?

probably writes you cute notes because he doesn't really know the words to say or hes scared of sounding stupid

loves doing small hands on things, like puzzles or lego building or rubix cubes

lays his head on your lap literally like a cat

loves when you brush/play with his hair

doesn't have the energy to argue over anything so he literally just lets you do whatever you want

if you suck at games he always carries you because hes just happy youre playing with him ദ്ദി(ᵔᗜᵔ)

gatekeeps you from his followers (they know he has a partner)

wears your cute hair clips to keep his hair out of his face while he games/streams

lives in fluffy socks

isnt very good at showing affection so he just showers you in little gifts and presents, even if its not super fancy or expensive gifts

i feel like he would give the warmest hugs

bluntly/genuinely compliments you

shares his food/snacks with you

probably has terrible vision and keeps his electronics way to close to his face

has the worst posture, you have to remind him to straighten his back, like it literally sounds like popping bubble wrap when he sits up straight

soda/energy drink addict

gets so aggressive on voice chat when hes gaming like hes airing out the whole server... EVERYONE is catching strays tonight

acts like he hates pet names but secretly loves it :3

[rubra-wav]

The Main Hazbin cast x taking care of sick reader

A/N : I'm going off of flu-like symptoms type sickness for this one

Cw: Sfw, gn reader, Niffty being strange asf - injection mentions

[ Part 2 ] >>

Charlie

- no. 1 caretaker of those who are sick istg (in theory at least)

- She pulls out every single thing; medicine, soup, heating bottles, electrolyte drinks, extra blankets, entertainment stuff, etc. Etc.

- She will straight up fixate upon you getting better so you can come back to group exercises without the others worrying about your contagiousness.

- The only issue with her is that she won't leave you alone like at all.

- Vaggie needs to come drag her out so she'll stop talking about all the 'work' you've missed while you've been away recovering and all the theory behind it while you're trying to rest.

- Charlie 100% gets sick as well.

- Probably will try to keep hugging you and stuff like that, disregarding your grossness because she doesn't want you to feel 'lonely'.

Vaggie

- Understandably a bit avoidant of you, but not straight up averse.

- She needs to stay in top shape to guard the hotel.

- She would wear a mask around you and come see you still in short intervals, though, bringing you some stuff you need occasionally.

- insists you stay in your room so the hotel doesn't have a sweep of whatever the hell you have. Even with you wearing a mask or something yourself, she's iffy.

- Apologises each time she has to pull Charlie out of your room so you can sleep in peace.

- Also apologises when Alastor and Niffty show up to be menaces.

- Wants you to get better probably just as much as Charlie does.

- But mostly so she'll stop having to personally come drag away her overly good-natured girlfriend and the other two.

- Probably ends up getting sick eventually because Charlie ends up getting sick.

Angel Dust

- Avoids you like the plague.

- If he has to give you stuff, he will just leave it outside, knock, then bolt.

- Would probably talk with you over phone calls a fair bit while you're bedridden.

- The absolute last thing Angel needs is to get sick in his mind. It's not sexy at all, and with the hours he works?

- Fucking hell no.

- And he doesn't want to find out if there's a kink about that.

- Sorry, not sorry, but he's staying away.

- Would probably dress in a sexy nurse outfit while he delivers stuff to your door as a joke.

- If you don't answer the door, he'll assume you are asleep and will send a selfie with whatever he's left at your door and send it to you with some kind of 'get well soon' esque message so you know it's there.

- Wants you to get better but isn't gonna actively take any kinds of risks.

Husk

- Would also not want to be around you.

- Another person with a 'I can't get sick with my job' mindset.

- Would probably just purely communicate over messages, wouldn't actually come up to your door.

- May make you special (nonalcoholic ofc) drinks to help you recover and get someone else to send them up to you - makes the excuse that he needs to be at his 'post' at all times so he can't himself.

- I hc him as secretly being really good at cooking and liking to, so makes you lots of soups and things like that.

- Annoyed because he then has to deal with other people complaining about why he isn't making food for them as well.

- He's confident you're going to get better so doesn't really care all that much.

Pentious

- He's genuinely worried.

- Both for himself, but also for you as well.

- He comes from a time where people got what you got and died very quickly with no treatment available, so he's scared shitless about it even if everyone's insisting it's not going to kill you.

- Doesn't go see you in person because he's freaked out about it, but sends his eggs to come talk to you, ask you how you are and deliver messages from him to you every day.

- Will lie and say he doesn't care at all, then probably go cry in private about it.

- When it's clear you're no longer sick, he's going to be so relieved.

- Will probably genuinely show physical affection without thinking about it.

- Glomps you via wrapping himself around you, and then acts like it never happened.

Alastor

- He's such an awful cunt the whole time.

- Always shows up to go see you but its only to laugh at you like you're the funniest thing ever.

- Will bring you stuff, but it's very obviously not goof faith.

- He cannot get sick off of normal things, so he's all up in your business the whole time he decides it's 'go bother (name)!' Time.

- If you're delirious with temperature he'll probably openly talk to you about certain secret things because if you remember and bring them up he can just gaslight you about it.

- "Oh (name), you must be misremembering because you were so unwell!"

- He is the absolute worst about you being sick.

- Vaggie is your saviour in this situation, shooing him out of your room when she realises that he's once again back.

Niffty

- Okay, Alastor is objectively the worst, but Niffty is also fucking terrible.

- She's seemingly good faith with her bs at least, though.

- Acts like the insanest, most unhinged nurse taking care of a child with you.

- Will be there trying to cram food and drink down your throat aggressively, spoon feeding you things while gripping your mouth open way too hard.

- Dresses up like a nurse as well, courtesy of Alastor of course.

- Will show up with God knows what in syringes and try to inject them into you.

- Probably will try get a blood sample from you as well for some terrifying reason.

- You probably end up tripping balls at some point because she's injected you with some unidentifiable substance.

- Also needs to be escorted out by Vaggie so you aren't straight up killed by her attempts to... help(?) You get better. The motivation is unclear.

-

I may also make one about reader taking care of them when they're sick too atsp 🤔

[nocturnalpl4gue]

hello hi hello ! i am an enjoyer of samarie and would enjoy headcanons of taking care of her or whatever else you wish to add on : ) youre doing a great service with this blog !

Of course!!! I agree that Samarie needs someone to help her…as a little treat. Hope you enjoy!!!

𝔗aking care of 𝔖amarie ꒷꒦✧🫀˖°

⚰️ At first when you started approaching her and showing more interest she was very hesitant to say the least, flinching at the proximity.

⚰️ However as you started being patient with her like with a scared stray dog, she slowly became more fond of you, always waiting for the moment in the day where you’d ask her how she’s doing.

⚰️ Because of Samarie being very aware of her short lifespan, she doesn’t really take care of herself, at all. You realised that fact once you were able to be at a closer distance, seeing the mats on her hair and her chapped, pale skin.

⚰️ So of course you go on a mission to help her to take care of herself. One small issue, every time you try to touch her hair, face, or body she flinches and retreats away from you.

⚰️ She winces not out of disgust or fear, but rather she’s flustered over someone actually taking care of her and showing it actively.

⚰️ Once she gets used to your touch she becomes quite addicted to it, always yearning for it, for your warm hands against her cheek.

⚰️ Samarie loves when you hold her face if we stay in topic, and leans on your hand much like a cat.

⚰️ She needs help brushing her hair from how matted it can get, so you not only would need to brush it roughly but also clean it up first to remove any dirt or mat. If you wonder how she gets it so dirty, let’s just say her hiding spots aren’t the neatest.

⚰️ So you’re on your way to the bath, warming up some water for her. You ask her if she wants to wash herself and you’ll wait her outside, but she grabs you with an ever so shaky hand, a bit sweaty you could say, by the hem of your shirt.

⚰️ She has very dry and sensitive skin, making it so you’d need to rub the soap carefully. She gets really flustered by this as she feels a tickling sensation when you caress her arms, shoulders and torso.

⚰️ As a little treat you peck her from time to time whenever you seems nervous about this whole thing, making her turn into pudding.

⚰️ Once all is done she will wait for you to get a towel for her, one which you put around her gently. She snuggles in it while looking at you, a bit shaky because of the cold but mostly because she’s in awe over how kind you are.

⚰️ She will let you braid and play with her hair if you’re close enough. You say you braid it because it’s good so it doesn’t tangle that often, but in reality you just think she looks really cute.

⚰️ Ever since you started to make a routine with her she’ll try to be consistent with it for you. She sees the smile on your face when your beloved Samarie looks clean and healthy, ‘it is what she deserves’ you say to yourself, and she couldn’t be happier about that.

⚰️ Even if she struggles she’ll try to help you clean up as well, maybe indulging in baths together, or in doing a facial care routine as a little house date.

⚰️ Sometimes you buy face masks with funny shapes like those of animals, and even if at first she was embarrassed with putting one on, when she saw you she found it adorable and joined you in the fun.

⚰️ Alas it all comes to an end, and as the sky darkens you two get sleepy. You have some food together, sharing stories (well, you tell stories while she listens nodding her head with shaky breaths) and enjoying each other’s company.

⚰️ She likes to sleep next to you, your presence is very calming and makes her brain quiet, indulging in the silence of the night and the warmth emitting from your body.

⚰️ She’s very hesitant to get closer to you whatsoever, afraid that she’ll cross your personal space and bother you. Of course you don’t mind, and you insist on that, making her face heat up.

⚰️ Next thing you know, the Sun has risen, and a lanky Samarie is wrapped around your body latched to you with no intention of letting go.

[unknownarmageddon]

Tell me about Heaven and Hell, boy

OKAY. so. prefacing this by saying not intended to be accurate to anything other than my own brain. so

anwayg what i’m thinking is

*to me* everyone has their own personal hell within hell itself, depending on what they did to get there and just who they were. and there’s like various levels, depending on what the thing they did is. and their hell could be something mundane, like standing in a line that they’ll never get to the end of. or living out their worst nightmares or memories over and over. etc.

and i think the actually like, places and circumstances happening in each persons hell arent literal. it’s like, a mind state theyre put in, while in reality everyone is wandering around these large barren, charred fields of fire in a mindless dreamlike state. and the majority of demons are essentially, primarily like the “moderators”. they make sure everyone gets to where they’re supposed to be, stays where they’re supposed to be, that nothing’s going awry, and documents who’s where. and then there’s other jobs, and jobs within that. some are specifically stationed as “deal makers” to strike deals with mortals for their souls, some are only stationed within the fields themselves, some are stationed at the entrance to direct souls to the right places, etc. and that’s the gist i think. mostly, i like to think demons are primarily people who were once mortals that arrived at hell who either struck or were offered certain deals with higher ups or lived out their “sentences” (which usually takes decades to centuries). killer was the former, and i think he does kinda like a bit of all of the above. and there aren’t any specific demons with the set job of fighting the angels, so he just ended up in that position by chance. also demons start off with the appearance of how they looked as mortals, just with. new. traits, but can also possess mortals. if they get hurt enough while on earth their form breaks and theyre forced to possess another vessel.

ANS THEN for heaven, i can’t decide as well. i think it’s like a large connected “sanctuary” type deal, heavily mirroring earth, where all the souls within it can directly interact and mingle with each other. and in it they can have anything they’d need, go anywhere they’d want at any point they’d want. it doesn’t necessarily feel like a, physical, coherent situation like how it is when they were alive. more like a perpetual dream that’s a bit hazy and a bit too bright around the edges. and they never see the angels after the one that greets them, either. and i think that whatever a person believed heaven, or the afterlife, would be while they were alive actively warps and shapes how they perceive it once they’re there.

and then, like the demons, the angels have set positions. some only stay in heaven to make sure no one makes it outside the sanctuary, and that movement of souls into it is stable. and then there’s angels specifically tasked with watching over earth and mortals itself. and then also there’s soldiers whose only task is keeping the demons numbers at bay. then there’s overseers who advise those angels (archangels maybe(?))

also, i think angels can take any physical form they want. could be so they can inconspicuously visit earth, or survey whatever’s happening in the sanctuary without sticking out. if they meet and interact with someone who knows they’re an angel (typically discouraged) they may mirror that person’s species (monster or human) while keeping a few of their angelic traits. this is what cross did with killer i think, and what other angels do when mortal souls first arrive in heaven

they also have “true” forms that have no set physical appearance, cannot be perceived, comprehended, heard, or properly seen by mortals (demons can, but its adjacent to a vampire being exposed to the sun). if you tried to talk to an angel in that state your ears would bleed and you’d go deaf, and if you tried to look at it you would become blind. it would be like looking directly at the sun if the sun was ten feet in front of you

with fallen angels, they’re typically stuck to one form, and returning to their true form takes a large amount of energy and is unstable. like if the sun you were looking at became a supernova

anywayg NO idea if any of that is coherent i am so so tired im just saying shit. but yea that’s the idea thumbs up emoji

[hugsandchaos]

Arthadow concept/AU???

I made this last summer and realized I never shared it. So here you go! While I work on the oneshot! And the rest of my WIPs, which I think is… 3? I’m bouncing between fandoms like a dang ping pong ball machine, so please forgive me for my all-over-the-place-ness.

Anyways, after Little Shadow was launched in the escape pod, his emotions got really out of control and started affecting his chaos abilities. When it all burst out of him, Little Shadow was transported back to Arthur’s time. More specifically, when Arthur was a kid as well. He just sat and cried as the pod crash landed somewhere in a forest just outside of Camelot. After the crash was over, Little Shadow curled up into a ball and cried himself to sleep.

He remained there for days, ignoring the hunger biting at his stomach and relying on the chaos energy to sustain himself, until he finally went outside and started to explore. More days passed and Little Shadow had learned, much to his horror, that he wasn’t on Earth. At least, not that he knew of. Last time he learned, Camelot was a kingdom from centuries ago, and magic wasn’t real. There was chaos energy, but not magic. Little Shadow also took one look at the knights and instantly feared that they’d be just like the G.U.N. soldiers. He didn’t know why they were after him, but he’d heard Gerald saying that he was scared they’d experiment on him or use him as a weapon.

Little Shadow became something of a petty thief, but could you blame him? He was starving! Besides, they’d literally left the food behind, and it was only about 8 times! He always returned to the crash site. The pod may not be in its best shape, but that and the stars were the closest thing the young hybrid had to home now. Every night, he’d look up at the stars and cry. He was supposed to see them with Maria. They’d spent so much time excitedly waiting for the time they’d look up at the stars from Earth, and now, he’d give anything to return to them.

One day, Young Arthur finally managed to sneak out of the kingdom unnoticed and made a dash into the forest. He just had to investigate that fallen object from weeks ago! The knights hadn’t decided whether or not to go yet for whatever reason, and Young Arthur had grown tired of waiting for the news.

He approached the crash site with great curiosity and some caution, but mostly excitement. He looked at the wreckage in awe and confusion. Metal and glass? What kind of strange object had come down from the endless cosmos above? Was it made by unknown divine beings? Young Arthur soon noticed that the cylindrical structure was hollow near the ground. He got down on his hands and knees, something he’d most likely never do if he wasn’t alone, and looked inside.

He came face to face with Young Shadow.

•Shadow has a near irrational fear of thunder and other loud noises, especially sudden ones (Arthur started to cover his ears with his hands if things got loud or if he knew things were about to get loud. At some point, Shadow started going straight to Arthur during thunderstorms for comfort.)

•Arthur is terrified of being submerged in water, so when he has to attend swimming lessons, Shadow tries to be as close as he can be (Shadow is an amazing swimmer as it’s one of his favorite activities, and he once tried teaching Arthur how to float on his back, which worked. When he first saw Arthur fall into the pool and heard him scream, he bolted into the water and got him out as fast as he could. Arthur still hates and fears having to swim, but Shadow being in there with him helps.)

•Most look at Shadow’s obvious, not-so-hedgehog-like features with disgust or fear, but Arthur is fascinated by them (He has so many questions and is one of the few people allowed to touch Shadow’s tail. Shadow also stays still to let Arthur look at his second row of teeth and forked tongue.)

•Shadow is grieving the incident and tends to cry a lot, and Arthur has no idea why because he hardly ever speaks, also thanks to the incident (The last time anyone tried telling Shadow to shut up and that it’s not a big deal because they didn’t know why he suddenly started crying nearly got really hurt when Shadow screamed and lunged at them. They got away with a few cuts on their arm from where Shadow grabbed them and dug his claws in, but they wouldn’t have been able to get away at all if Shadow hadn’t been pulled off. Shadow disappeared for two weeks after that.)

•Arthur is absolutely in love with him and doesn’t realize it yet, but everyone else besides Shadow sees it (The knights made a bet on when he’ll realize it and when he’ll confess.)

That’s all I’ve got 😐

[alistairssock]

List of companions from least to most likley to have abs

(Also want to clarify and disclaimer this that most people do in fact have abs, as in the muscles, which is very normal, but it's highly unrealistic that the majority have rippling, vacuum sealed ones, like Larian likes to pretend they make us believe)

1. Halsin. Bear. That man is a bear. He can become one and should be one, in both the literal sense and the queer sense. You can drag bear Halsin from my cold, dead fingers

2. Gale. This man does not have visible abs. He is in fact the last person on this earth who would have model abs. Whether you see him as some lean, frail, stick of a man, or if you see him as fat (correct opinion imo, because it makes him hotter /hj (head canons are to have fun with, nothing's 'correct')), that guy's only workout routine has been not skipping leg day in his little wizard tower. That's it. Maybe running after Tara if she causes some Cat Sheanigans. Point is: that man does not actively work out, because he simply doesn't need it, and I can't imagine him having the interest to do so. He's lived a repulsive autism king life idk what to tell you here

3. Jaheira. She looks like the average mom in her 60s, whatever you imagine that to be. She's also a druid, so wouldn't think doing sit-ups would be her first priority. She is strong tho, just not in a conventional way. More in a mama bear type of way. You get what I mean, in your heart

4. Astarion. Look, why would he have? I don't think it was on Cazador's criteria list that every one of his spawns should have chissled abs, I'd figure he doesn't care about that. Besides, it makes a lot of sense he'd just look how he did when he died in the first place?? So whatever that is, I refuse to believe it's how Larian wants him to look

5. Shadowheart. Look, being trained and brought up as she got, I would figure she'd get a fair deal of combat training. But he heart is also prone to Short And Stocky Shadowheart, so hence placing her here. She is wide and compressed (endearingly)

6. Karlach. She has abs, but in the way beefy wrestler women do. She is tall and built like a truck, beautiful tank of a lady. After recruiting her, she mostly works out to stay in good shape for battle, but most importantly to give her friends the bestest of hugs once she get the opportunity

7. Wyll. He's fit in like a pro fencer kinda way, in a prince charming kinda way. Kinda like his in-gsme build but less...that sculpted y'kno. He' a gym bro, but without the evil macho man vibes

8. Lae'zel. Githyanki anatomy is for most part being gangly and kinda bony?? but I know that gal takes sit-ups every day at dawn. Anime training montage music ensues, she's really in it for the kill #girlpower

9. Minthara. Built like Rhea Ripley, need I say more🕴🏳️‍🌈

10. Withers YEEEEEAH GO PEEPAW💪💥💪💯💪

[defensivelee]

The Lamentations of Mistress Morley: Because You Betrayed Me First

This is a new side story I'm trying out for Six Lives! Anne (Stewart) has a lot of things going on in the story, but I feel like it's impossible to fit them in and portray them as accurately as I'm thinking because the main POVs are all of her antagonists. So she gets her own side series! It'll be mostly in between main chapters, and very short compared to what I usually do, just to show what she's doing meanwhile-- it should be less than 10k words, and if it's more someone can hit me on the head with a baton.

So this is the first mini-chapter! Here is the link to the fic on AO3 (separate from the Six Lives link, but in the same series tag!) if you don't want to read on Tumblr. This takes place during the dwaallicht spirit festival in The Tenth Hot Spring, and Anne thinks she may have the beginnings of a plan to out James for the monster he really is.

CW: implied/referenced past child abuse, implied/referenced domestic abuse, implied/referenced torture, ableist language.

Even at the latest hour New Amsterdam was awake; Anne thought maybe it was the hour when it was actually most active. Especially now, with the beginning of the Western Kingdom’s reign, there were parades on every street, families taking their youngest children to witness their first religious celebration. If there was darkness, it came not from the sky, but from the haze in the air that made the stars impossible to see.

“Ugh, look at them, it’s disgusting,” Sarah said beside her. “Feeding their babies Ally propaganda! You see; that’s why the theocracy’s still here. Because of people like that.”

“You don’t complain when the Ally they worship is Marly,” Anne teased.

“His devil’s from the Eastern Kingdom,” Sarah huffed. “No Western Kingdom bullshit like Ally Bentinck. I’m just saying, if they’re gonna be stupid, they could at least do it the right way.”

“You sound like my father,” Anne said. She paused in front of the Hoerenkast they had been headed to, large and imposing with columns that twisted towards the sky in the shape of devil horns. She could see an Ally servant sweeping inside, but it was nothing remarkable. These places were open at all hours. “Is there a right way to be stupid?”

“There’s a wrong way to be smart,” Sarah said. She looked back behind her, in the direction of the ocean, where Anne knew her father was hosting a celebration for the dwaallicht spirits. He had complained in all the days leading up to it, but he was there now, and he couldn’t come for her here. He’d be furious later, but what else was new?

“I guess.” Anne turned resolutely to go inside the Hoerenkast, whisking past the servant without a greeting. Sarah followed her, and down the hall they went until they came to one of the only meeting rooms with its candles still on. Anne hesitated, reaching out to push the curtains to the side.

“Do you want me to stay here?” Sarah asked.

“No,” Anne said, a little more frantically than she intended. “I mean- no. Come with me?” She held out her hand, and Sarah took it with a laugh.

“Calm down, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know,” Anne said. She took a breath. “I know.” They stepped inside the room, where they found the Ally George fussing around with the plants beside his throne. There were gold bracelets hanging from his wrists, jingling with every movement he made, but other than that he wore nothing really flashy like most Allies. Somehow he had chosen his most boring suit today.

“Anne!” he blurted as he looked back. “Oh, my Ferocity, Anne. I didn’t expect to see you tonight. I thought you were going with James to the spirit party or whatever.” He cocked his head to the side. “Did something happen?”

“No, I just didn’t want to go,” Anne said. “So I didn’t.”

“And he...let you?”

“There wasn’t any way he could stop me if he didn’t know.”

“Anne!” George jumped slightly, stumbling back into the stream of water that twisted all around his room. He yelped and stepped out again. “Ferocity, I hate that thing. Why does there have to be water everywhere? It’s not like it ever did anything for the Allies.”

“Maybe you could start dressing more like the other Allies?” Sarah said. “You make everyone uncomfortable when you cover up that much, and it won’t be so annoying when you accidentally step into the water.”

“Why are you encouraging him to be like the other Allies?” Anne asked. “I like him like this. Besides, he looks great.”

“Yes, see, there we go,” George said. “Thank you, Anne.” He coughed awkwardly, and Anne snuffed out the candle closest to her with her tail. “So, isn’t your father going to kill you? What are you going to tell him?”

“That I love you and he’ll be the last thing to keep me from you,” Anne said. “But only in my head so he doesn’t actually kill me.”

“Then—?”

“I’ll think of something.” She shook herself out. “What are you doing, George, we literally haven’t seen each other in days and you’re out here asking about James?”

“Can I ask about you?” George smiled.

“By all the stars, you fool!” She laughed and leaped into his arms, kissing his face and pushing him back until he fell back on his throne. She lifted herself onto his lap and kissed him, one hand gripping his wrist and the other buried in his hair. He met the kiss with a small chuckle.

Don’t listen to Sarah, you look so hot right now, she thought at him, and his face flushed.

“Thank you,” he said. “Um, you too. So, have you killed anyone lately? Has your father sent you out on anything?”

“No,” Anne said. “Not yet, anyway, but the way Mary’s so bad at killing William, he might make me do it next.” She wasn’t completely opposed to the idea; out of all the people she had killed, he would be the one who deserved it the most.

George winced. “Anything about Charles’ murder?”

“Oh, please,” Sarah piped up behind them. “We all know it was James. Those are dwaallicht spirit tears.”

“Yes, George, it...doesn’t make sense,” Anne said. “It is to William’s advantage to take credit for the murder, it’s a whole thing if you kill an Overlifer, and the fact that Ally Bentinck had no idea what we were talking about when we asked him should say something. James pushing the blame so vehemently on them is no coincidence.”

“Oh, devils below,” George murmured. “So you really think your father killed his brother?”

Anne shrugged, sliding off of him to pace around the throne. “It’s what I’m thinking. I just wanted to get you in his presence, maybe, to see if you can pick up any clues from his mind when we talk about Charles to him.”

“I could do that,” George said, standing up. “I just don’t want you to upset him if you ask too many questions.”

“I’ll try not to, but what can I do?” Anne sighed. “Some days it could be anything that sets him off.”

“I know.” George glanced to the side. “And if it turns out to be true?”

“Then we tell all of the Disciples and we can get rid of James forever!” Sarah’s eyes flashed. “Nobody will want him around then! It’ll be a glorious revolution!”

“You would kill your father?” George’s eyes widened.

“Why not?” Anne said. “The Law of Honorable Succession is still in place and the Overlifers follow it, I could do it.” She took a deep breath, more shaken than she let on. It wasn’t so hard wishing that he was dead, praying to the Overlifers that had come before James to put a quick end to his reign, but it was something else to say that she would be the one to kill a violent, powerful man with six lives who happened to be her father.

I can do it, though, if I hate him enough. No problem. It’ll be nice to stab that self-satisfaction out of him. Besides, the Law of Honorable Succession stated the heir of any ruler may kill the ruler to take their place— clearly the devils before had thought of her. Clearly she was using the law as intended.

George blinked. “Anne, if you-”

“George, it’s fine,” she said hastily. “He’s an awful man, and I know he doesn’t deserve to live. I’ve always known that, this is just where I take action.” She’d come to the realization that her father was not just cruel, not just abusive, but pure evil, when she was rather young. She hadn’t known what to do with that information, though, not until now, when she saw that no one would question the divine authority of even the worst of Overlifers.

So it has to be me. It has to be us. Her and Sarah and George and Marly. The revolution within the revolution.

“You have a way of making things look easier than they are,” George said. “But if that’s what you want to do, I’ll be beside you as you slit his throat.” He seemed to immediately regret that statement as soon as he said it, shrinking back. “Just, uh, as long as I get to stand far enough away from him that I don’t have to really see it.”

Anne laughed. “Sure, I don’t mind that. The Law states I have to do it by myself, anyway.”

“About the Law...” George glanced at Sarah, then back at Anne. “Doesn’t it technically apply to James, too? If he killed Charles, isn’t that covered by the Law of Honorable Succession as long as the ruler has no children?”

“Well...yes, but you saw how angry everyone was about his death,” Anne said. “And they’ll be even angrier that James hid the fact in the first place and used it to stir up another war with the Devils of Orange-Nassau. It’s like Sarah said; nobody will want him around then. Nobody ever did want him around.”

“Ugh, except for Mary,” Sarah said, rolling her eyes. “Law or no Law, she won’t care that James killed Charles, and she’s gonna be furious that you killed her beloved father. You know she’s next in line after him.”

“Oh, is that going to be trouble?” George asked.

“Mary?” Anne hesitated. “She’ll be the next Overlifer after James.” Try as she might, though, she couldn’t imagine her sister as the supreme authority of the Disciples, humanity, and ultimately, the world. She had always appeared too subservient to her father, as if she herself never expected to take over after him. Maybe she never would, if James’ lives lasted forever.

“If she lives long enough,” Sarah scoffed. “She’s bound to overdose at one point and die on the fucking streets as if she didn’t come from the richest family in New Amsterdam. Either that or she’ll kill herself first. She’s fucking psychotic.”

“Oh,” George said, clearing his throat. “Well, the Law doesn’t apply if you’re the youngest child, right, Anne? Mary will have good reason to execute you.”

“She could...but she won’t,” Anne said. “Because she won’t know it was us who killed James.” She raised her eyebrows, and Sarah narrowed her eyes with a wild grin.

“So we’re pulling the same thing your father did!”

“Yes.” Anne nodded.

“But before Mary gets her six lives-” George began, and Sarah interrupted excitedly.

“Under protection of the Law, we kill her too!” She laughed, taking Anne by the shoulders. “This is it, Anne! She’s gonna pay for every fucking thing she did to John!”

“R-Right.” Anne pushed her hair back. When she thought of killing Mary, there was a revulsion in her that was not there when she thought of killing James. Maybe because the idea was too new. Or maybe it was because all she could think of suddenly was when they were children, and she had seen the desperation in Mary’s eyes to please her father while also protecting her sister.

But that was gone now. Anne’s mind shied away from that; she thought of all the times she had tortured someone too gleefully, how she wiped the blood away from her face with a sadism in her eyes Anne had only ever seen in their father. How she smiled when someone begged for mercy, whereas Anne could only look at them with horror.

I don’t know what I want but it isn’t to kill you.

But Mary knew exactly what she wanted— her father at the head of the universe, and all his enemies dead.

That is who we are killing, George. Forget everything else you just saw. Got it? Anne turned to George, who nodded rapidly.

“And then you will be queen!” Sarah cried. “Queen of all the world, Anne! Imagine that!”

“That’s a world I don’t mind living in,” George said, his eyes sparkling. “You’d make a fairer Overlifer than your father. And six lives, Anne, that’s a long time to live.” He lifted his hand to cup her face. “If you lived forever...”

“I don’t want to live forever,” Anne said, turning away. “I just want to live long enough to see Mary and James pay. As an Overlifer I’ll do everything they could never do.” She smiled back at Sarah and George. “As long as you’re with me.”

“Nothing could take me from you, Anne,” George said. He bowed low, taking her hand to kiss it.

“I’ll be friends with an Overlifer!” Sarah bounced slightly, clapping her hands. “You’ll be more powerful than the devils themselves!”

Power. It wasn’t something Anne had ever thought about. More often she thought about leaving, but there wasn’t anything she could imagine doing outside of her life here. Maybe this was something she was better suited for; it was the only thing she knew.

There was silence, and then George squeezed her hand. “But you don’t have to if you think it’s too much for you.”

“It- it isn’t,” Anne said. “Maybe it’s just what I need. Maybe it’s what the world needs.”

“If anyone can fix this fucked up universe, it’s you, Anne,” Sarah declared. She leaned on Anne’s shoulder, her eyes glinting.

Yeah, maybe it’s me. Anne stood up taller. Maybe it was her who would finally get rid of their dreaded rivals and their horrific leader, that Caliban.

Sarah’s phone buzzed, and she flinched as if it startled her. She glanced down at the screen and her eyes widened in shock. “Anne...”

“What? What is it?” Anne tried to peer over her shoulder, then looked at George.

George bowed his head, closing his eyes to focus on reading what Sarah was looking at in her mind. “It’s Ally Marly. He says that Monmouth accused James of killing his brother.”

Anne gasped. “Clever pup! What else?”

“John had to fight him off, but he let him go,” Sarah whispered. “Disobeyed orders to kill him. And James is furious.” She looked up, her eyes clouding over with worry. “I have to go to him—!”

“No!” Anne cried. “We- we can’t go there right now! He’ll be even madder at me!”

“I have to go, Anne, what if James tries some of his bullshit again?” Sarah said. She paused, taking Anne’s hand. “You can stay here if you want, if it’s safer.”

“No, no- no, Sarah, you have to stay!” Anne said. “If he comes here, then what- what am I going to do?”

“He’s not going to come here,” Sarah said. “He doesn’t even know we’re here.” She took Anne’s face in her hands, leaning in close. “I can stop by at your house later, okay? But right now I have to go see him before James does anything to him. I can’t make him stop, but I can try.”

Anne paused, then shut her eyes, leaning into Sarah’s touch. “Be safe.”

“I will. You too.” Sarah pushed the hair out of Anne’s eyes. “Stay with George, okay? I’ll let you know how it goes. I love you.” She kissed Anne on the nose, and with that turned to rush out of the Hoerenkast. Anne watched her go, her heart beating so painfully in her chest until she couldn’t stand anymore, and she stumbled into George’s arms.

“Damnit, George—!” she let out, her tears spilling out all over his jacket. “He did it first! And now he’s fucked, Marly’s fucked, how can we ever expect to fight back when he has such a chokehold on us?!”

“It’ll pass,” George said, holding her tightly. She heard him swallow. “His anger, I mean. You say it passes, so it will this time, as always.”

“I’m scared,” Anne admitted. “Scared for us all. If James and Mary lead the Disciples, then what hope do we have? What hope does the world have?”

“That’s why we’re killing them, right?” George attempted to smile. “So there’s hope in the first place. And- and you’ll be the one to do it!”

That was hilarious; for someone who was supposed to herald a new hope for the ancient Overlifers, she could find none at all within her.

[marengogo]

UGH!-5: JUNGKOO-GATE

Memories That Cannot Be Erased - by Sim Hee Jin  [The Glory, Pt.2 (Original Soundtrack from the Netflix Series)]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

I was going to just play the Sims, while watching youtubers reacting to “The Glory”, Anything BTS, or anything which my mind & soul might deem to be needed at the very present. Needed to feel something, what? I don’t quite know myself, maybe something that will help me finally carry on with my project? Maybe something that will make me feel happy for the time being, at this very moment? Or maybe just something that will make me feel like I can forget that there are so many thing I must remember, at least for one fucking day. Yeah, I was going to do all of that right at this very moment, and I still will, but now it will be after I’m done writing this. 

So I am here writing this because I couldn’t stop myself from doing so, because, AND HEADS-UP THIS IS ABOUT TO GET VERY GRAPHIC ✌🏾, when one is pressing to go to the toilet, they should. Trying to hold it in, is very bad for your system as a whole, same goes for throwing up or sneezing, or anything else which obviously your body has decided that “yeah no, this can’t stay here, it's gotta to go. Now”. So release myself I will, but like everything else in life EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING there is a place for such activity. When it comes to excrement, the toilet is such a place. When it comes to sneezing, opening your mouth widely into someone else’s face is not the place. When it comes to my feelings, with regards to a specific topic, my blog is one such place.

In real life, I am the type of person that cracks jokes to no end, because it makes me happy knowing that I was the person who was able to make you laugh; I love it, I almost crave it. I am the type of person who would choose friendship over romance, in the sense that if we are going to have a crush on the same human, I will step back and that is a fault, nothing to brag about, at all, because I don’t like unprovoked conflicts when your life has been a constant fight, after fight, after fucking fight, you will quickly try to veer clear of any, if you can and also I grew to be very selfish about my romantic ideal, in my head, if you really liked me like that, I shouldn’t have to compete with someone else also another fault, to a certain degree, so I’ll just keep being me, wait, and see; if we are not meant to be, I’ll be just as fine on my own, I got used to it. I am the type who is also so patient and nonchalant that, if you don’t know me, you will straight away peg me as the person you can easily walk all over, if you do know me, you will be carefully looking for ways to intelligently tell me anything, and if you love me friend or lover you know you can just come at me and we will get at it, whatever “it” may be.

Out of the many things that I am not, forgetful is one. I will remember anything: trivial, important, bad, good, numbers, shapes of clouds, you name it; I will remember it AND WHAT A FUCKING NIGHTMARE THAT IS and let me tell you, a memory like that is usually the product of a well trained self-defense mechanism process, so also nothing to brag about. I am not a person who can sit and watch seemingly innocent people take an unwarranted beating, be it physical or emotional, because I was once there myself and I wished someone else stood up for me. I am not a saint, through life experience I morphed myself into something far from actually, so I will never truly judge you, unless you ask me to, and anything else will always just be a deliberate relying of my opinion, in my blog.

So what does any of this have to do with Jikook? Hmmm … yesterday’s live, heavily highlighted how people like me, or rather, people who are not like a certain demographic in this fandom, are often not given the benefit of the doubt. It’s all so fucking guilty until proven innocent. It reminded me just how jarringly white and black many seem to be when it comes to Jikook’s relationship in general and as the gray-citizen that I am, it is alway so criminally mind-blowing that I usually have no words and just leave it at that unless being otherwise prompted or if I see someone I care about being pestered. 

Yesterday however, it specifically made me think about JK. I don’t think I’ve ever said this anywhere in my blog but I heavily relate to JK in his way of thinking, and perhaps also feeling soulwise I think I might be closer to Yoongi, but we are about to find out soon enough, which is probably why I like JM so much 😜😜😜. Because, people such as myself and JK tend to either joke or stay calm as their MO, we usually don’t speak about important things with people we don’t know/connect with, and when we do, it might look so out of nowhere, it will end up feeling “uncharacteristic” hence sounding weird, forced and scary 👻 at times.

Out of all that, there is one particular aspect I feel like JK and I have in common, which is the fact that you can't tell me what to do, at all. That is your quickest way to win a ticket at my “I think not, in fact, I will definitely find a way to NOT do what you just told me you want me to do” Show 🤡. The one very big difference I have with JK, however, is that his parents seem to have been the child's personal decisions supportive-type, whereas alas mine were not. So even though in my formative years I was a bit of a loose cannon and did everything I wanted, it was always just as long as it didn’t involve my parents. They had/have working on it, therapy, is a wonderful thing the strongest hold on me. But so … who has a hold on JK? Does anyone even have a hold on him? 

Hobi has expressed how JK is “handsome, but doesn't listen”. Yoongi has expressed how “JK might be a genius but that doesn't mean he doesn't work hard at what he does”. JM has expressed how “JK is different behind the cameras, he is actually cute, but also has a sort of manliness to himself”. Namjoon has expressed how “even though every member of BTS is important, there is no replacement for Jungkook”. Tae has expressed that “JK is the type of person who has outstanding basic talent”. Jin has expressed, with his caring actions towards JK, how even though JK is formidable, he is still a young man in a big-big world.

Very stubborn. Impossibly talented. Regrettably young.

  That is what I have gathered of JK, thus far. From what we’ve been allowed to experience through footage, from what the members have conveyed when talking about him and from JK’s “art/work” itself as fans. The one person who hasn’t had a problem in often pegging him as cute is JM. Namjoon has time and again pointed out how JK is a softie with the body of a rock, yes, but JM always attempts to point out the fact that JK in reality is just a big ball of softness, but he is then quickly “silenced” when instantly confronted with the fact that he is the “resident mochi” … we won’t get into that particular monicker today so he just ends up agreeing 😬. Why am I pointing this out? Do I think JM controls JK? … 😂😂😭😭 … Please 😑, if they are in a relationship, JM would be a lover not a ruler.

JM has a very big influence on some of the final decisions he makes, I honestly do believe that, but JK is first and foremost his own “unique” person, who however, for at least a good 10 years, had no other choice but to listen to a whole lot of other people. Control is a very big aspect of my life: I literally FEAR losing it. Reason why I am scared of trying sleeping pills, reason why I’m scared of falling asleep while on plane, reason why I don’t do drugs, but at the same time reason why UNFORTUNATELY I drink an unhealthy amount, ever since I figured out that I always remember everything i’ve done and I that I do get loose just enough not to lose myself. Basically, the second I feel like someone is trying to take “control away” from me and if I am in a position where I can I lash. 

And by that I don’t mean that Imma scratch you obviously, just means that within 3 second of the happening I would have already formulated plan A-Z in order for me to either regain the control I lost, or find ways to soothe me and give me the apparent comfort I need to feel like I have regained some sort of control I am a master at self-soothing. At that very moment, what is paramount, is knowing that from that moment on, every single decision made involving me would be made by myself and myself only. Meaning that, at that very moment, if you saw me being undecided between broccoli and kale juice, and you kindly offered your opinion, without me asking, I would most certainly feel the sudden craving for a vanilla ice-cream cone instead.

As an introvert I’ve often found comfort within my room. Is where I’ve created most of my projects, where I’ve taught myself a whole language, where I was safe from bullying, where I could allow myself to dream, where I am 100% in control. When I’m in comfort zone, I tend to not think much about what I do, even if 85.13% of the times what I do will not make sense to anybody and has made people call me “crazy”, at that moment, it made sense to me, because i decided to it, so I would quite frankly, not give a fuck. Anyways, me and my room are the main reason for the struggle people I love have when I rather stay home than go for a day out. Once I am out, I’m the light of the party; just gotta get me there 😬. 

As it just so happens, JK seems to have found one of his comfort zone in “talking” to ARMY. He maybe has an excuse to escape from whatever it is that he actually needs to be doing/thinking of, while at the same time he shows ARMY that he is alive: WIN-WIN. Reason why he drinks with us, he entertains us, does his laundry with us, eats with you, WEVERSE-living might be providing JK with a way for him to momentarily gain control while at the same time conceding it because he is fulfilling his role as idol, he is promoting things , etc without causing any causing much of any rifts in his comfort zone. So when people ask him not to drink, to go to bed, whatever it is, if it goes against what he was there for, do not for a second think he will do any of it; because in that very moment we are most likely just a part of his well constructed comfort zone.

So this should go without saying, but it is clearly NOT sticking with some people out there. When you are looking to get some reaction from Jikook as a couple, something that will give you the fix you need for the day, week, whatever, please kindly be reminded that not only their relationship isn’t confirmed, but it is also not a paid subscription show, so they don’t owe you shit. JK is not touching JM the way you want him to? JM is not with JK in the palaces you want him to? Jikook are not doing lives the times you want them to? It is all very sad and all but it also all very much sounds to me like you problem. Thus, please be reminded that there are MANY DIFFERENT TYPES of people on this sphere, and as it is hard enough to live a life as them, as me, as JK, as JM, as you, as anybody, a little bit of consideration, and “thinking before you speak” goes a bloody ass long way. 

Happy Easter, stay safe 🫰🏾💜

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

[jimothysomebody]

Rambling, Fitness, Mobility, Aging, Blah

Feeling kind of meh tonight, for a variety of reasons. Trying to snap out of it, or rather *stay* snapped out of it, it's just hard. Currently trying to refocus myself on my fitness journey.

I'd been doing pretty well about this time of year a year ago, I weighed about 245, down from 281 that June, strength training was going well, I was pretty active, and then February of this when I was 238 year I broke my toe and within 3 months between pain and depression gained back *half* of what I'd lost and have been struggling to lose more weight. It's mostly my diet and being more active that I've been struggling with, and this year with some health scares (read, random otherwise harmless events that triggered paranoia) I've been trying to be more mindful of things like sugar, sodium, alcohol consumption and caffeine.

It's not even so much for aesthetic purposes, I'm realizing. Honestly my goals are mostly strength related. I wanna be able to move heavy shit and not break much of a sweat, I wanna look intimidating enough to make asshats think twice about wanting to fuck with me, and want to have/maintain decent mobility, which I'd already wanted but a broken bone just sort of brought it back to the forefront of my mind.

There's some neat fitness influencers who could give a fuck about the BMI index or numbers on the scale who put emphasis on mobility and strength training and I'm so grateful for that, because for too long fat shaming and the attitude toward obesity and numbers on a scale was just so unavoidable, whether it was the attitude people wanted you to have toward yourself when pursuing fitness goals or judging others being socially encouraged in that kind of scene or whatever. I've made a lot of strides learning to love myself for who I am, the body I'm in, and trying to take better care of myself too.

The love I'm trying to show myself now is that a number over 230lbs isn't bad or wrong or shameful, and to wanting to be mobile with the body I have. I've seen some people, family and close family friends really struggling to get around as early as their late 30's and really struggling as they age and it worries me. In June of 2022 when I was 281 I was hiking over a dune to the beach in the outer banks of North Carolina and out of shame lagged behind some fit friends of mine because I knew it was gonna be difficult and I was gonna be out of breath. This year, even 4 months after breaking my toe? Moving along just fine, pretty tipsy (probably more drunk than tipsy but not hammered) and on island time, and I was chuggin' along up that hill so well Kate Bush would have written *that* song about me, lol. Mid trek and I realized how differently I was doing compared to last year and it hit me just how much better shape I was in, despite a broken toe and being drunk, and doing it mid conversation too. It just felt nice and made me worry a bit less.

Not that it means much, but today I weighed in at 252lbs, have gained some visible muscle mass and definition since last year (probably not enough to move the scale much but idfk) and honestly, as long as I'm still feeling well, can move around and exercise without getting too winded, I genuinely wouldn't be bothered if I don't lose much more of my belly and love-handles (or even gained some!). I do however want to continue with my strength training, get some more definition and mass. Today I got a new 25.5lb olympic barbell, I've been running out of room on my standard one to put the weights I have, and when my buddy regifted me all the workout & weight stuff he wasn't gonna use it included some olympic weight plates that I'll finally be making use of. In Sept. of last year I was using a cheap $25 42lb dumbbell/barbell combo thing from Five Below. Today I can bench *at least* 132lbs (not sure what my max is, ran out of room on the bar lol). The new bar has a limit of 310lbs, so who knows where I'll be this time next year.

I'm blaming all this on my birthday coming up Tuesday lol. Thoughts of the past, what I'm doing with my life in the present, where things could lead in the future, etc etc. 30 wasn't my worst year by far, I don't know what being 31 will have in store for me or if 2024 will be my best year, but... it'd be neat.

[itsadragonaesthetic]

BUG DREAM

So I had a pretty wicked dream last night about a beetle.

My family and I were visiting some kind of wetland. This wetland was immensely special and was home to many unique species that don't exist anywhere else, especially when it came to invertebrates. This is both good and bad for tourism. The environment is very unique and of course, attracts naturalist-type people from across the world, but the parasites are like nothing anyone has ever seen before. You couldn't even touch the water because of this. Being a human who isn't accustomed to the environment is like being an invasive species that pulls the short end of the stick and gets swamped by the new environment. The only humans who know how to live here are Native Americans (this place was somewhere in the eastern part of the US) and the earliest white settlers whose families have stayed here since.

I knew a few things before going there but I approached it with mostly the same precaution I took anywhere else. In my typical fashion, I wandered away from my family to look around on my own. It was a beautiful floodplain that was as dreamlike as you could imagine. It was a bit like the Everglades, as it was in the same region. The sun was setting and I was about to head back to my family when I felt something kinda... hit my arm.

I look down to see a very large black beetle on my arm. It seemed somewhat akin to a bark beetle (frankly not good at identifying beetles so idk lmao). It was around 4-5 inches long with most of its length being its abdomen. Its tarsus were large and round to compliment its large feet. Its antennae were not very long, but they were elaborate. I can't remember their exact shape. It had a really pretty and almost cute face as far as beetles go. It spread its wings with its elytra closed at one point and its wings were long and thin with a blue shimmer and sections of pure blackness.

Under its plates and elytra and on part of its legs, the beetle was surprisingly... hairy. I remember when it first landed on me one of my first thoughts was "oh... someone's scalp went flying in the wind and landed on my arm"

I wasn't frightened at all, because I remembered what this beetle does. There is a kind of parasite here that specifically attacks the wrists of humans for whatever reason, and as my hands had been sitting in my pockets for a while, my wrists were quite warm compared to the cool air around me. I would imagine this is pretty attractive to parasites. The beetle had seen this and came to see if I had any parasites for it to eat. I simply pulled up my sleeve and let it lightly nibble on my wrist looking for parasites. I don't actually know if I had any on me because in the moment I said to myself "nope I'm not gonna look. I choose to be Ignorant."

I walked back to my family to do normal family activities and whatever and everyone's reaction was "oh hey how was it over there did you see anything c- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT"

Me: *giant beetle chilling on my arm* "My friend :)"

It then chilled with me for the rest of the dream. I woke up with this weird sensation that the beetle was still on my arm. It's like the ambient weight was still there, and my brain was subconsciously hyperaware of the position of my arm so as to not inconvenience the beetle.

So anyway yeah cool beetle dream I will hold it near and dear to my heart.

[meadowmines]

OC-tober Day 1: Childhood

oh let's just start right off with a gut punch because none of these bastards had a happy one :)

[cw: Aoyagi's shitty parents]

---

Put that back. That's for boys.

Aoyagi overhears someone say that to her kid at Poppo one afternoon and his bro has to grab him by the shoulders and steer him outside and sit there on a bench with him until he calms down enough to explain exactly why that phrase made him see red.

How many times did he hear that one? Sure, this is the first time he's heard it in Japanese but it still hits the same as every time one of his parents said it, doesn't it?

How many times? At least once every trip to K-mart or Toys 'R Us or the mall or anywhere that had toys or magazines or sports shit or clothes or basically anything a six-year-old kid might want or need, he figures. Sometimes the thing he picked up wasn't even an action figure or a cap gun or anything like that. Sometimes they'd just straight up lie about what made a thing for boys. Like the cool pair of sneakers he wanted that one time. Did you know boys have extra bones in their feet and boy shoes will deform your delicate girl-shaped feet? Shit, he believed that one until he was well into his teens.

Bachan still rolled her eyes when his parents did this shit in front of her, still told them to be glad their kid was smart and mostly stayed out of trouble and find some better hills to die on than clothes or toys, still bought him whatever he wanted when she took him to the toy store or whatever and watched wrestling with him on Saturdays and kept a stash of good fighty manga phonebooks at her house for him. Did she know she actually had a grandson? Or was she just a tomboy herself in her younger days? Or maybe she just didn't like her daughter-in-law much. It didn't matter. Halfway through the summer before seventh grade, Bachan died and Aoyagi lost the only adult in his life who saw him as a person and not some kind of dressup doll.

By that point his dad had mostly, aside from lukewarm token complaints, decided to take his mom's advice and give up trying to steer Aoyagi towards the girl shit. His mom, on the other hand, doubled right the fuck down, almost the minute they set her mother-in-law's ashes on the mantel. You're a young woman, she told him while she made a point of throwing out everything in his closet that he didn't hate, right in front of him. It's time you started looking and acting like one.

And now literally everything he liked was for boys. Chess was for boys. Video games were for boys. The books he read, the TV shows he watched, the movies he wanted to see, the activities he filled his spare time with--the only thing he ever did that she didn't bitch about was bake and she even had some shit to say about how he was decorating his fucking cakes. And now even some of the clothes in the girls' department weren't for girls enough to make her happy. Everything in his closet was pink or pastel or had ruffles and bows and shit on it. She chewed him out when he didn't wear makeup and she chewed him out for doing it wrong when he did and she chewed him out for not fixing his hair right and she chewed him out for asking how to fix his hair right because apparently he was just supposed to fucking know and she chewed him all the way out when he asked if he could please just go get a bob or a pixie or something he wouldn't have to spend an hour fucking with every single morning. The harder he tried, the more she yelled at him for having to try in the first place.

Just look like a girl! she hollered. Why is this so hard? Why do you have to TRY? What's wrong with you?

Sitting here telling his brother why that one stupid phrase made him see red feels like ripping the scar tissue off all over again. He almost cries. Almost. "Almost," not because he thinks Nishida would give him a hard time about it (Nishida would give him the exact opposite of a hard time about it), not because he's afraid of what might happen if this got back to the boss (the boss once looked him dead in the eye and said, in so many words, I don't know who the fuck told ya men don't cry but they're chock full o' shit.) "Almost," just because "almost" is as close as he ever comes. He's probably got some shit to unpack about that, but this isn't the time or the place.

When he reaches a point where he's got nothing left to say about it, Nishida pats him on the shoulder and goes back into the store. He comes out a few minutes later with snacks and sodas for both of them... and the biggest shonen action manga phonebook he could find on the rack.

[julianobungus]

I uh, wrote some self-ship stuff, based on that self-ship questionnaire that's going around. I'll probably write for a second character at some point too.

4. Do you have pet names for each other?

I like to her ‘Starlight’ and ‘Glimmer-Ball’ (that last one in reference to the Peter Gabriel song). Also, ‘babygirl’ as well, which definitely works in more risqué contexts. Glimmer likes to call me ‘Handsome’ and ‘Earth-Boy’.

8. What do you two find to be the most attractive about one another?

I love the fact that she’s plus-sized, as superficial as that may be. I love her pear-shape, her hips, the swell of her rear and her soft tummy. Also, her *voice* is so soft and luxurious.

Glimmer adores my legs, my arms, my chest and my soft gut. She enjoys the feeling of my soft hair, too.

9. What do you two do to get each other “in the mood”?

When Glimmer wants to have fun, she makes it obvious for me. I find it hard to pick up on subtle details sometimes and she knows this. She’ll initiate soft, upfront physical contact by draping herself onto my lap, for example. Other times, she might just playfully feel me up (on the chest, the thighs, or the ass).

As for myself, I like to walk up to her from behind and wrap my arms around her, holding her close to my body and letting her hear my breathing. I’ll try and casually phrase my question as to whether she wants to ‘do anything’ or not.

17. Ideal way to spend time with one another?

I like to take her out to places, maybe into town somewhere casually or on a date (usually the latter), such as going out for dinner or going shopping. Even just eating out is nice.

Of course, another activity is simply staying at home and doing whatever, together. Leaning up together and reading, for example, or just enjoying each other’s presence in the silence. We mostly just talk, though, and about anything. We can go for hours chatting about all matters under the sun.

18. Who has the higher sex drive?

Oh, Glimmer by a mile. I hadn’t realised how much she wanted/craved. You want to go to bed because it’s late? But you’re in the middle of sex, and queen Glimmer is just so sultry and persuasive.

19. What areas do the two of you like to be kissed on?

I like to be kissed in the hands, shoulders, neck and collarbone. I’m so sensitive in those areas. Glimmer likes to be kissed on the bridge of her nose and her hands.

We also like to be kissed on more intimate areas~.

20. What are the biggest relationship flaws the two of you have?

I tend to be closed off a lot of the time, and I get anxious about the littlest things quite easily. It can be hard to deal with. Glimmer is a little immature and can get angry easily. She’s very stubborn when she wants to be and can let the ‘queen’ stuff get to her head a bit.

25. Who said “I love you” first?

Glimmer, actually. She always knows what she wants – she knew she wanted to be with me.

[dinitian]

alenia Yogyakarta serta serak sorai nyata; life lately

Been workin on some words dedicated for my thirteen happy pils, that are my classmates when I lived for 10 months in Yogyakarta. But it stucks and sucked to be exact. LOL. Then I come with this eventually. The feeling of fear and do not wanting to let go of (mostly) happy moments I had there, was the red line of my writing.

Well then, can I now letting that go? I dont think I can. Maybe it is a sign that it must have been a really good memory I want to keep forever. Instead of letting go and busy thinking how to let that go, better to live with it. Play along, hold it. But not too tight so that I can freely doing whatever I do without feeling pressure.

Alenia Yogyakarta will have its own deep meaning for me and maybe only me knowing of how big it is to deal with. Well, thank you for letting me know the other side of me. Being student in this age and at that moment, being vulnerable, having a brand new surrounding, met new people (that now become friends) and the list goes on and on and on. All that have shaped me who I am today. The life chapter that I did not expected and planned turns out being the best one.

Now that I already at home after almost fourteen years living outside, make me thinking on many aspects of life that never been on my mind before. One of them is spending time together with parents. Living on daily mundane life of online-german teacher, just zooming my life away every nite, can make me puke on some sort of point. But that is life!

How many people needs the job I do today and do not have the chance to. I should be more thankful. Well, I do. But the boring dull and lacking of variations activities just burn me alive.

Thus I just figured out on how Allah make me realize that He loves me through the people I long time can not meet. They are still there, loving me by staying there, standing, seeing without necessarily touch me. Evidently having a fortunate time to talk to and sharing life updates. It warms my heart to (again) meet wonderful human who are close enough to see that they are care. They dont judge me.

It is kind a unmatch on what I experienced lately. I was asked by a close friend that I think we are adjacent enough because of our 13 years of being bff. But I think it was not. He popped up a massage that asked on how am I feeling if he told the other friend of my marriage update. Oh I just pissed off until I have no words but TERSERAH. Surprisingly he still confront me on is it okay to still saying it or not. FUCKING HELL UP TO YOU.

Oh Lord, forgive me.

Another awkward feeling that happened lately. We were sitting, eating, laughing, telling stories and shits, joking and what not. Then he just said the word to me, on me, in front of me and our friends. I just had heart attack actually but I decided to continue laughing. OH FUCK. To get cursed by your (thought) close friend was just that hurt. But I know it is life, after all. You can not only taste its sweetness but also you have to taste the bitterness too. To make it balance, they say!

All and all for those who happen in need of learning new languages or wanting to take German Certificate. I am available. Call me soon! Am a B2 ECL Certificate holder, btw. Hihi. Love love. Peace out!

[nightmare-dreamt]

Hey! If possible I want a bnha matchup, student male. Btw I use she/her pronouns. 17 yo.

Physical: I'm 5'5. I have straight dark brown hair and eyes the same color. I have a short hair-cut. I'm normal rather slim, body shape though some tell me I have a slim-thick stature. My skin color is light-tanned tone. I don't usually wear makeup or just the minimum. I dress mostly in baggy jeans and I love sneakers and have a lot of them to wear with my jeans. For upper body I mostly wear dress shirts or jackets with a t-shirt. I wear glasses (I'm near sighted). And I always wear a watch and maybe a necklace.

Personality: I'm ENFP-A, 7w8 ennagram, Aquarius. My house is a Griffindor. They say, I'm very intelligent, kind, someone with a brain, understanding. I'm an upbeat person, energetic and passionate about my dreams and I have really big goals in life. I'm stubborn as hell. Always see the best in things and try to inspire people to see the best in life for them. So that makes me a perfectionist and even though I am easygoing I have really high standards. I can really read other people and their emotions well. I'm a leader and I am the mom-friend but I can actually be really goofy and do things that people who are with me regret their life choices. I'm very independent and asking help from people makes me feel like a burden. I'm very emotional, but I don't show a lot of them keeping it to myself and opening my inner world with mostly and only my bestie. I'm really protective of my family and friends, and I will take revenge from whoever that did wrong to them. In romantic relationship, I'm really a giving partner and I think I quite use all love languages. And what I look for in a partner is mostly for growth and getting a better person.

Hobbies: Drawing, Cooking, Listening to music, Crafting, Going to nature whether it's camping or hiking etc. Reading psychological articles on web. Brainstorming about topics I like.

Likes: I think my hobbies quite say it. Even though I'm an extrovert, I really like and need my alone time. I like walking and mostly any physical activity, don't like sitting in one place for too long. I love sunny days but I also like walking in the rain, but staying indoors when it's rainy I feel like a wave of depression hits me. I love learning new things, and am really into science (mostly Biology), languistics, art and anything mythical. I love talking about deep stuff of the world and brainstorming about it. I love cooking or drawing while listening to music. I don't have that much of a favorite when it comes to food, anything that goes with my taste, but I love spices.

Thank you so much if you answer this!

Bnha: Mirio

Mirio loves your intelligence, always amazed when hearing you talk about something new you learned being able to explain it well. He also loves your kindness, enjoying seeing you interact with a big heart to those you barely even know. The first time he saw your stuburn side, he laughed thinking of it as the cutess thing ever and to this day he still does enjoying the adoring features your face shows.

You guys' personalities are very similar, both being energetic and passionate about your guys dreams and goals. Whatever goals and dreams you have he'll support, he'll always be there for you and if you're in need of help he'll be there to help.

Cooking together his favorite thing. The two of you work well togehter being able to multiple task and always creating the greatest of meals. Dancing in the rain is something he always wanted to do and when meeting you he was able to. The two of you were on a date that was sunny and bright otuside, but the weather changed completly leading to a large storm. You guys began walking in the rain before the sound of music was heard leading to the two of you slow dancing. You're always able to tell when he's down and he's able to do the same for you. When the two of you are inside for way to long, he's there ready to go do something that will bring a smile on your face.

You mean the world to him, but so do his frineds and he wouldn't know what to do if you didn't get along with them. Thanfully, you do and from time to time the four of you guys will go hang out either going to a carnival or to go see a new movie that's being streamed.