#mostly those takes are on tiktok
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oreo102 Ā· 10 months ago
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I really donā€™t understand the complaints that the 13th doctor is always happy. Like Iā€™ve seen season 11, 12 and a bit of 13 three times, and there are plenty of times she isnā€™t, especially in season 12 and 13 but even as early as s11 ep2 she gets hopeless when the tardis doesnā€™t appear, in ep3 she is upset that they have to sit by and not help Rosa, in ep 4 dhe gets annoyed at the ceo,
in 8 she gets upset at the king and his sexism, and upset at the ā€œwitchā€ killings, in 9 she gets pissed off at the kidā€™s dad, in 10 sheā€™s angry at the icy dude, and resolution (which Iā€™ll admit Iā€™ve only watched twice because itā€™s so boring) sheā€™s not too happy about Ryanā€™s dad, and obviously not happy about the dalek
I definitely think she couldā€™ve had more moments of anger and frustration and anxiety and shouldā€™ve gotten at least one scene to be absolute terrifying to a villain (preferably one who fucked with yaz) but Iā€™m not really upset at how sheā€™s portrayed. I donā€™t like misery for miseryā€™s sake, and donā€™t think she wouldā€™ve benefited from being angry or upset unnecessarily.
And thatā€™s not even mentioning season 12 and 13 where she very much so IS angry and upset, she tells a guy that people like him are why she questions spending energy on the human race, yells at what I take to be time gods (idk if thatā€™s actually what they are) to let her have more of her past, sheā€™s shitty to yaz, and all of it -minus being shitty to yaz- is honestly fair
I think this became rambley, wouldnā€™t be the first time
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grizzlyhillman Ā· 3 months ago
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People have definitely lost the ability to look stuff up. If you're asking simple and easy to answer questions on social media, you likely have access to a search engine... Please learn to look stuff up yourselves šŸ™„
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starlightbright Ā· 7 months ago
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RIP Ricky September they had to kill you because it would have been unrealistic to not keep you on as a companion šŸ˜”
EDIT: I've noticed some people taking this post really seriously, so to clarify: no, I don't think Ricky was literally a perfect uwu anti-racist angel. This post was mostly a joke about how he was running around doing companion shit and, most of all, how the Doctor and Ruby both thought he was a hottie. My actual feelings about Ricky are that he's a complacent white liberal. Character reading under the cut if you want an explanation.
I do think the implications of making him unplugged from the racism bubble, paralleling him with the Doctor (man who shows up with knowledge about history and technology and guides the other character through dangerous situations), and directly contrasting to Lindy (including being open to trust the Doctor without second guessing him the same way Lindy and all her friends did) are supposed to be that he wasn't like the other people there and is thus LESS racist since racism comes to be what defines their society. I've seen some people basically ask "then why'd he move to White People City?" but within the text it's actually Rich People City; the reason everyone there is white is because systemic racism financially benefits white people. Making him LESS racist is NECESSARY to giving his death any meaning - because if he definitively would have called the Doctor a slur and walked away, then the Dot killing him quickly was a mercy kill because we KNOW all the other residents are going to die in the wilderness.
THAT SAID, I also don't think he was a progressive anti-racist. Do you know what Ricky actually is? A white liberal. He might disengage from the White People Bubble, he might not be outwardly cruel to black people, but he's still surrounded by people who are and benefits from a system where ONLY WHITE PEOPLE ARE RICH. The culture might be fucked, but he still benefits from it without doing anything to actually fight it. It's like how many a white liberal will read about the history of slavery, feel sad about it, and then be uncritical of prison labor. If Ricky was meant to be progressive, there'd be something, ANYTHING in the text about how he's tried to educate his followers on their society's problems, but it got deleted. He is COMPLACENT.
That's sort of the point, I'd say, since the theme is about how priviledged white people put themselves in a bubble of people like them and choose to look away from what's wrong in society. Those people become complacent at best with no effort to actually speak out or change things. Hell, even within the text, Ricky SEES a problem others are looking away from (the slugs eating people), but only tries to fight it by making a TikTok about it and becomes complacent again, accepting that people are just going to be eaten.
So tl;dr: no, I don't think the white liberal kid literally would have been a companion. I think if you stuck him in the Ood episode, for example, he'd have shaken his head when he found out about their plight, maybe made a TikTok with sad music playing over footage of them, and then said "welp, nothing else can be done." I think it's FUNNY to imagine another companion that the Doctor and Ruby both are giggling like schoolgirls over.
Also I kind of thought he was ugly - no offense to the actor but the makeup they had him in combined with the lighting and closeups made him look way older than 27 so he gave off this uncanny "how do you do fellow kids?" look.
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nana-gumi Ā· 10 months ago
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devoted f.toji
pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader
cw: heavy angst, arranged marriage, illness, inaccurate descriptions of heart disease (just did some research lol), megumi is 5 years old, mentions of abuse, some kissing, mentions of pregnancy, drinking, toji is giving mixed signals, suggestive themes, lots of cursing, happy ending. wc: 18k
a/n: this was a filo au that i posted on tiktok, but due to problems posting on tiktok, the story wasn't finished and now here it is with an ending!! sorry for the long wait my tiktok readers šŸ„¹ i'm sorry if the ending did not meet your expectations :') will post the angst ending soon
despite the years his past wife died, he still couldn't move on. it's up for the fate to decide if you could change him.
happy ending | alternate angst ending
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being an outcast in your family is the worst. you were forced to marry someone who's like you.
toji fushiguro, an outcast in his family and both of you were forced to marry each other. you've heard rumors about him. mostly bad ones. his father's company is famous after all.
toji have a son from his deceased wife. the time you met his son, megumi, you thought the kid will hate you but it was the opposite. he welcomed you, even told you that he was happy he finally has a mother.
you and toji never really interacted with each other that much, only if needed, like family gatherings or when megumi is around. who would want to show a kid that you're not interested with each other, right? but when it's just the two of you, both were completely a stranger to each other. there were times were you wanted to start a conversation because sleeping in one bed was awkward especially when there's no conversation at all.
you did start a conversation at some point but toji's presence was intimidating enough to shut you up. as time passes by, you're getting used to his presence. he seemed to be scowling at all times but you noticed that, that's just how he is. you continued to interact with him until you and him finally got comfortable with each other, where good morning and good nights were exchanged. but then you've grown attached to the man, especially his son.
when you asked toji why his last name is fushiguro, he told you that it was his deceased wife's last name. toji still refused to bring back his last name which is supposed to be zenin. he told you that his family once forced him to use zenin again but toji simply ignored them. even though toji was an outcast, none of his family couldn't argue with him so he kept the last name fushiguro while you stick with your own last name.
being an outcast, you didn't feel any love from your family and the simple things toji showed you made you feel loved. that night he let you borrow his jacket when it started to snow unexpectedly, those times where he makes extra coffee for you, he would even let you hug him if you have nightmares and most of all, he defends you from your family.
that's what you loved, noā€“ love about him. but you wonder, does toji feel the same? and the answer was already obvious. toji only accepted the marriage because he doesn't have a choice. they will remove him from the business his family owns and he doesn't want that because he needs money for his son, megumi. he promised his deceased wife that he'll take care of megumi after all.
and you adore toji for that. sometimes you think, will toji cherish you the same way he does with his deceased wife? even if his wife died many years ago, he still have the love he has for her, as if she's still around to feel it.
-
you were currently laying on the couch as you hug yourself for warmth. it wasn't an argument with toji, but you just want to be left alone for now. the words "i love you" accidentally slipped out of your mouth, and you didn't mind if toji doesn't reply and you just hoped he didn't reply to it at all.
"i love you, toji." you whispered, enough for him to hear and his eyes looked guilty as he looked away from you.
"you shouldn't." toji replied. "you'll just hurt yourself."
"i know."
"you know we're married only in papers, we already decided to be just friends." you already know that, but you couldn't just hold back anymore, and of course he would say that. toji thinks no one could replace the love his deceased wife showed and gave him. she was there at his lowest point, she comforted him, told him the words he doesn't know he deserves to hear and toji just couldn't open his heart to love someone, at least not anymore. his wife was enough, megumi addressing you as his mother is enough, even a part of toji doesn't want it.
you glanced at the ring he's caressing on his finger. it should be the ring you placed on his finger on the wedding day but instead, it was the promise ring his wife had gave him. your heart couldn't ache anymore. you're so used at the empty feeling that it doesn't hurt you anymore.
"i'm sorry.." you mumbled as you excused yourself, deciding to just sleep on the couch. there you've grown to realize that being attached with toji fushiguro was the biggest mistake you'll ever done but you'll never regret.
-
you woke up with a shuffling beside you. you opened your eyes and saw megumi with his small blanket on his hand as he frowned at you.
"mama, it's cold." megumi said as he hurriedly draped his blanket above you.
"it's fine, megumi." you smiled at him as megumi tucked his small body on your arms.
"mama, did papa make you cry?" megumi asked and you pinched his nose as you disagree with his question.
"no megumi, mama fell asleep here while watching." you said.
"okay, i love you mama." megumi said and it has been minutes since he said those words and you were still silent that it made megumi look up at you.
"mama, i love you." he repeated with a hushed tone.
"iā€•" it was as if you choked on something as you embraced the child. "i love my baby too." you muttered.
after that conversation with toji, everything feels weird as if it's reminding you of your place, that you were forced to marry toji to strengthen your family's bond with the zenin's.
"papa loves you too." megumi mumbled and you just hoped it was true.
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toji's mother suddenly visited that day without a notice and toji wasn't around. his family doesn't really hate you but there's always a weird atmosphere around when you're close with them. just when his mother asked where toji was, he suddenly came back from work.
you knew he went here in rush, and the way he wrapped his arms around you as his lips came in contact with your forehead made your heart flutter. but you reminded yourself that it was only for a show. his mother smiled at the scene as toji sat beside you on the dining table.
"what brings you here, ma." toji asked in an annoyed tone.
"i just wanted to visit my grandson." you excused yourself a bit as you made your way towards the kitchen to make them something to eat and drink, and when you came back, the question you and toji were avoiding got asked by his mother.
"when do you plan on having another child?" she asked.
"no plans yet, we're to busy to have another child running around. megumi is enough."
"it's been a year since you're both married. why not give it a try?"
"maā€•" you cut toji off before he could say something harsh to his mother.
"we did try it, ma, but it didn't really work so we decided to just wait for the right time." you answered, lied for toji and his mother seemed to buy it.
"ok.. but i am getting old, toji. we need to see a female granchild too." she said before excusing herself to go to her grandson who was playing. toji huffed at her mother's response as he stood up from the chair.
"i am sorry about that, toji." you said because as much as possible, you wanted to avoid answering that question too. toji sighed as he left the kitchen to get changed and when he went back to the living room, his mother was about to leave.
finally. he thought.
"just give it a try." toji's mother told you as she went inside her car.
"why'd she go here without informing me." toji muttered as megumi sat between you and him on the couch, showing the chocolate his grandmother gave him.
"i was surprised too."
"that's fine, thank you for covering up for me." he said as he stood up from the couch and took the chocolate on megumi's hand while carrying him. megumi whined in surprise as his father carried him like a sack of rice as you slowly followed behind.
"papa!" he exclaimed, kicking and punching but it was no use.
"come on, we don't want mama to get mad for eating to much sweets at night." toji said. he wasn't talking about you, you know that.
he placed megumi down beside the refrigerator as he placed the chocolate inside.
"too much sweet is not good for you." toji said as he carried megumi once again.
-
you just finished washing the dishes as you walked past megumi's room, and their muffled voices made you eavesdrop at their conversation, and you maybe you just didn't.
"megumi, why are you being so stubborn? you don't want mama to get mad right?"
"mama doesn't get mad at me!" megumi yelled as you smile a bit at his words.
"megumi, did you already forget your real mama, hm? she'll be sad in heaven. you want that?" toji said and his words was like a needle that was continuously poking at your chest.
"huh? but mama is here." megumi said, pointing at the door.
"look, (name) is just a replacement for your mama, but your real mama? she loves you, her love for you couldn't be replaced by someone."
"even (name)?" megumi said, and the way he addressed you by your name, you admit hurts. you took a deep breath as you felt a sharp pain in your chest. but that's fine, you're already used to it.
"yes, now go and sleep okay?"
"okay."
-
megumi started acting awkwardly towards you the next day, he was trying his best to avoid your gaze, maybe even you. he would stutter through his words between calling your name or 'mama'.
"bye bye, (name).." megumi looks away at you as he held toji's hand.
"bye bye." you replied as you forced a smile and megumi looked back once at the front door as they finally left the house.
-
"papa, i don't want to see mama sad." megumi said as toji placed his seatbelt. megumi might be a kid but he can clearly understood human emotions. when he called you by your name earlier, he saw how your smile disappeared but then you covered it up by a forced smile, and you just let him call you by your name.
"she's not sad-"
"yes she is."
"you don't understand, megumi." toji said and megumi only kept quiet because he knew arguing with his father is useless.
-
megumi jolted awake. he fell asleep after being in school the whole day as he searched for your presence. he had a dream, a really bad one and he found you in your and his father's room, talking to someone in your phone. megumi heard a sob coming out of you. you said something that megumi couldn't quite hear as you finally ended the call. he watched as you wiped your tears with your palms and took a deep breath. megumi silently close the door as he went back to the living room, sitting patiently as you appeared on his view.
"oh, megumi. how was your sleep?" you asked as you kneeled infront of the boy. megumi observed your eyes, they were a bit red.
"it's fine, mama." you were taken aback. he's calling you mama again. you smiled as you cupped his chubby cheeks.
"are you hungry?" you asked and he nods as you guided him on his feet. he didn't let go of your hand.
"mama, i love you. you're my one and only mama." you felt megumi's small hands squeeze your big ones, as if he's reassuring you of something.
"i love you too, my one and only baby. now let's go and prepare dinner!" megumi noticed that your mood shifted, and he was proud of himself that he was the one who brought a smile on your face.
-
it's unusual for you to wake up with toji's arms around you. you knew toji didn't do it on purpose, he was drunk last night and you just want to indulge the moment, even just for a minute or even seconds. you felt toji moved and you immediately stood up from the bed.
why do you feel guilty? it's not like you and toji were cheating on his wife. but that's how you felt. toji was still sleeping as you sighed, placing the blanket above him as you went out of the room.
"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he closed his ipad off.
"morning, 'gumi. what do you want for breakfast?"
"anything you cook!" he answered as he sat on the kitchen stool, watching you prepare the ingredients you needed.
"pancakes or rice?"
"rice!"
"okay." you laughed at his energetic response.
"mama can we buy art materials later? my teacher said we'll do arts on monday."
"sure, let's go out after we eat."
-
toji heard you and megumi talking as he arrived the living room. and just as he was about to enter the kitchen, your body bumped on his chest.
"oh, i was about to wake you up. breakfast is ready." you said, about to went back to the table but toji held your arm to stop you for a moment. he placed his other hand behind his head as he looks away.
"did i said something weird? last night." he asked as you look at him for a moment before you shake your head left to right. toji sighed in relief as he let go of your arm, both of you sitting on the kitchen stool. you look at toji, and he looks at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes as you smiled at megumi and place the food on his plate.
-
you just finished brushing your teeth as you were disturbed with a loud thud outside the bathroom.
"toji? are you there?" you called.
it was as if your soul went out of your body for a second, toji appeared infront of you. a curse slipped out of your mouth as toji's weight fell on you.
this was your first time seeing toji drunk, even your first time encountering a drunk person and you really don't know what to do so you tried your best to pull him with you in the room since he was so heavy.
once you opened the door of your room, you and toji fell on the ground. does his wife encountered this event a lot of times? if so what did she do?
toji was whispering something. you couldn't quite hear him as you placed your ear close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol getting stronger than it was and he was apologizing. you were confused as you move away from him.
"toji, i can't carry you anymore." you said, trying to wake him up as toji's eyes slightly opened.
"my wife." he whispered, you don't know if that certain beat in your heart was because he called you his wife or maybe because he mistook you of his wife.
and the next words he uttered is what you didn't expect as he suddenly placed his hand on your cheek and you were completely frozen in your spot as he continued to speak.
toji's hand finally slipped from your face as his head fell on your shoulder and you sit there, processing the words he said just a minute ago
he didn't mistook you as if wife, he indeed called you his wife and it warmed your heart.
"mama?" you were out of your thoughts when you felt megumi's hand above yours. "are you okay?" he asked as you look at him and then at toji.
"i'm fine, what was it again?" you asked, facing megumi as he smiled at you.
"papa will go with us later!" he said.
"oh? is that so?" you said as you look at toji, waiting for his answer.
he laughs at your reaction.
"looks like you don't want to?" he joked.
"it's not like that! it's always just me and megumi, since you're always busy.." you responded.
"yeah, today's a day off." you cursed internally. you have an appointment to the doctor today, you thought taking megumi with you would be fine, but toji? what reason should you tell him? you couldn't possibly say that you have a family meeting. no, you don't even have someone you can call a family, except for this two. plus toji would be updated if there's a family gathering.
maybe you'll ask the doctor to move appointments.
-
"are you sure? though i'm not sure when my schedule's gonna be clear again, (name)."
"it's fine choso, i can wait, just update me."
"sorry about that, i'm busy these days plus yuuji's been wanting attention too."
"is that so?" you said as you smile. "i want to meet him soon! looks like he's a good kid."
"soon, i'll bring him to the hospital with me."
"okay, see you next time then?"
"yeah. and (name), don't stress yourself too much, it's bad for the heart." you smiled at his words.
"of course, thank you. bye."
"who's choso?" startled by the voice, you immediately hid your phone behind you.
he was eavesdropping.
toji raised his eyebrow at your reaction as he opened his cabinet.
"a friend of mine."
"really? didn't know you have a friend." toji said in a voice you couldn't recognize, it was as if he's mocking you. you scoffed at him, deciding to just ignore his words.
you were about to leave the room but toji's voice stopped you.
"if you're starting to date someone, don't inform megumi about it. or he'll be sad." he said, mumbling the last sentence as you left. did toji really thought you were dating someone even if you're married already?
sure everything is one-sided, but you just don't have it in you to date someone, not when toji already has your heart, your everything. even if he doesn't know it. but you think it's better for toji to assume that choso is something in your life than choso just being an appointed doctor.
-
toji was too drunk when he got home and he think he just saw his deceased wife, but when he approached the person, it turned out to be you.
toji noticed that he was at the bathroom and felt your hands on his arms as you place it on your shoulder. he felt drinking that day, he wanted to forget everything or maybe when his wife appeared on his dream last night, the words he told her. he didn't want to wake up that night.
toji already forgot her face, her voice, how her hands felt on his. he already promised that they will meet again. in next life or in another universe. it doesn't matter where, as long as he could meet his wife again. but his wife told him in his dreams that he should move on, and he couldn't just do that.
toji did saw your efforts. he saw how you care for him, especially megumi. but he couldn't just stop himself from comparing you to his wife on his mind. no one could ever replace his wife. toji squinted his eyes, he saw you trying to pick him up.
"toji, i can't carry you anymore." but your words was a blur to him.
toji's hand twitched and moved on its own as he sat up from the floor.
"i'm sorry, i can't." he muttered as he placed his rough hand on your cheek, observing your eyes as he leaned his forehead on yours. "i can't love no more. i can't love you the same way. i'm sorry."
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toji was the man of your dreams.
he might not know it but toji saved your life, he saved you from the hands of your greedy parents.
"i can't love you the same way, i'm sorry." the way he said those words were filled with guilt.
sometimes you put yourself on his place. if you were the one that has a past lover who died, of course it'll be hard to move on, especially when that person made you feel love and gave you the world.
toji was miserable back then, not until he met her. she fixed him. just like you and toji, you met him and he fixed you. the only difference was they loved each other. she loved him and he loved her, while you love him but he was stuck in the past.
there were times where you watch him sleep, not in a bad way, but just want to admire him where you whisper your love for him. he won't hear it of course. his dreams must be more entertaining than the words you're whispering to him.
toji's words that night made an impact to you. everything he does for you, you started viewing it as him just doing it for kindness and not for love. maybe toji just doesn't want to hurt you further because he knew how badly your family treated you back then. you were on the same page after all.
now you realized that maybe it was bound to happen, that being married with toji is enough, being a mother figure to megumi was enough. he already did enough for you, for taking you away from your hell life. you'll just pay him back by doing what you should for him and megumi.
you'll just love him silently. you'll bury your feelings deep inside your heart that only you, yourself knew. maybe wait for him to finally acknowledge you. but you knew it wouldn't happen this time around.
for now, you'll just watch him love someone who wasn't even around anymore.
-
toji was showing you a picture of his past wife because you asked him to see her. she looked a lot like megumi, but a female version. now you know why toji fell in love with her. even in the picture, it was already obvious that his wife was kind and a loving person. but you're kind and a loving person too, aren't you? the universe is so unfair.
"this is when she was 7 months pregnant." toji said as he pointed a specific picture. you smiled at his words as you continue to listen to him. but toji suddenly went silent all of the sudden and closed the album as he cleared his throat.
"why, did you want to see it?" he asked as he placed the album back inside his drawer.
"just curious, she looked a lot like megumi." you said as you lean your head on your knees, facing him. "how did you meet her?"
"it was an arranged marriage too." he said. "i wasn't really favored with it but i don't have a choice." toji smiled. how can a person like her make him smile like this when you can't? "she was simple, i suddenly fell in love with her." toji said with adoration in his voice as he looked at you.
you sighed as you lay flat on the bed and started stretching your arms.
"ah, i wonder if someone would love me that way too." you sighed as you turned your back on him.
"you will, but that couldn't be me." he said straightforwardly as if reminding you that you couldn't change his mind anymore and it made you curl yourself on the sheets.
"are you and that choso dating?" toji asked as you turn to face him. he was leaning his back on the headboard with a laptop on his lap.
"no? why'd you assume we're dating?"
"you've been going out a lot these days, i just thought."
"are you okay with that?" you asked.
"of course." and he didn't even hesitate which hurt you more. "i mean, maybe he's the one you're looking for?" toji said as he closed the laptop, the surroundings being engulfed with darkness, the bright moon outside being the only source of light.
but you're already here. you wanted to say those words but you already knew what he'll respond to it. toji lay flat on the bed as he placed his arms behind his head while you were still facing him.
"not gonna answer my question?"
"oh? what was it again?"
"i said maybe choso is the one you're looking for."
"toji-"
"i just want what's best for you, y/n. you know, i can't really.."
"toji, i already know that. choso is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less." you said followed by a sigh. "at least just let me be by your side." you whispered, hoping that he heard even just a bit of it.
"if you insist, but i already warned you." toji said.
"i know.." toji was just beside you, but he's far within your reach. has it always been like this? every night, you and toji always ends the day with a conversation, same question with the same answers and toji will end up with his back facing you. every night, you couldn't sleep. only whispering those three words to him hoping and praying that he'll hear it and say it back.
every i love you's that was whispered were left hanging on the air. sometimes it was tiring, thinking of the words toji said that maybe he wasn't really for you and you weren't the one for him.
"good night." you mumbled.
"good night." he replied and everything was dark.
i love you, toji.
those words you utter to yourself every single day and night, hoping that he'll say it back, maybe just once, and it might heal the void inside your heart. but not a single day he said it back.
-
toji felt guilty but he shouldn't be feeling this way. you were just married on papers and already agreed that being friends was enough. yet he couldn't help but watch as you curl yourself, as if seeking for a comfort he knew he couldn't give you. he apologized on his mind, he couldn't say it out loud because he knew how it would hurt you more, so he just stayed silent.
toji switched off the lights as he lay comfortably to the side with your back facing him. he doesn't know how long he's been closing his eyes but sleep just couldn't take over him.
"i love you, toji."
he froze on his spot and his body tensed as he heard you whispered those words. he then felt your fingers caress the scar on his lips.
"i'm sorry if you ever feel guilty for not returning my love for you. but always know that i understand you." you whispered and your touch disappeared on his skin as he felt your warmth get close to him. "i'll keep waiting, maybe someday.." minutes passed, toji was still waiting for you to say something but you were already silent.
he opened his one eye and the first thing he saw was your back, there were a space between you and him.
is it always this far? are you always this far from him? toji doesn't know. he tried to reach for you but he stopped himself. and then again, another apology had slipped on his mind. he couldn't say it back, not when he swore to only say those words to the person he loves.
toji finally closed his eyes as the sleepiness take over his body. he knew that the one for you, who'll cherish you, love you like how you deserve it will eventually come and toji was already certain that it wasn't him.
it was really true that first love never dies now that you've experienced it and toji was enough proof. you couldn't stop loving him the way he couldn't stop loving his past wife. how can you even wish someone to just die when they're already dead? it was weird but were you too cruel for that?
you just hope that someday, toji will look at you the way you've always been wanting and craving. you'll wait, even if your and his hair turns white or even if you only have enough time to live.
-
"just this once?" you whispered as toji held your cold hands as he placed it on his cheek.
toji closed his eyes as he placed your hand back on the bed, hospital bed.
"i'm really sorry.." he whispered back and it was enough for you to hear it.
a small laugh left your lips. it's so hard even to laugh now.
"that's fine, at least thank you for being here."
"i'll say it if you want."
"don't say something you don't mean, toji." you smiled at him.
"yeah, i guess so."
-
you sit up from the bed as you wake up. it was just dream, but it felt to real for it to be a dream.
you couldn't help but cry as you cover your mouth as you felt a hand on your back.
"what's wrong? another nightmare?" toji asked. even in your dreams, in your death bed, toji still didn't love you. even in your deathbed, toji still couldn't love you the way you wanted it. maybe it was sign that toji doesn't have to know your condition.
he doesn't need to know.
"it's nothing, let's go back to sleep?"
-
you went out again. toji heard you talking to someone on the phone, he guessed it was choso. he didn't mean to follow you but he still did.
toji ended up following you on a hospital and he was confused. are you sick? toji asked himself, but you always looked fine.
he anxiously tap his finger on the steering as he waited for you on his car and it took you more than 30 minutes to finally come out of the hospital again.
why does that doctor have to send you out? even placing his hand on your back.
toji watched you enter your car. he waited for you to leave before going out of his car to enter inside the hospital.
he was hesitant as he finally arrived the front desk.
he cleared his throat as he faced the lady infront.
"is there a patient named (name)?"
"(name)?" the nurse repeated as she looked down the lists but your name wasn't there. "i'm so sorry but there is no patient named y/n here."
"ah, mr. fushiguro. did (name) send you here?" toji turned around at the voice and he was met with the same doctor he saw outside the hospital. toji's eyebrow furrowed as he fully faced him. "i'm choso by the way, y/n's doctor. i guess she already told you?"
-
"mama?" you heard as you enter the front door.
megumi approached you as he embraced you.
"did you just woke up?" you asked as both of you went back to the living room.
"a while ago.."
"where's your papa?"
"i woke up when he left."
"he left? but he said it's his day off today." you mumbled as you recalled his words. "anyway, what do you want for breakfast, gumi?"
-
as toji entered the house, yours and megumi's muffled voice can be heard at the front door. it looked like you and megumi is having fun. toji finally entered the kitchen and saw you with megumi baking a cupcake.
"papa!" megumi exclaimed as he jumped down the stool to approach his father, the icing on megumi's clothes being transferred to toji's clean ones.
"welcome back, toji. where have you been?" you asked and it suddenly smelled like cigarettes.
she looks fine. toji thought, but he was trying to stare at you as if it'll reveal something.
"toji?" you called him with concern as he snapped out of his thoughts.
"just went out. who's that for?"
"mama said she wants to try baking!" megumi answered.
"is that so?" toji said as megumi hummed in response.
toji looked at you once again, but his stare was making you uncomfortable. there's something weird about the way he looks at you and it was scaring you.
"i'll rest for a bit." toji said as he left the kitchen.
"mama, did you and papa fight?" megumi asked as he approached you.
"no megumi, he's just tired." you smiled down at megumi to reassure him and he warmly returned your smile.
toji didn't left the room that day.
you lay down beside him, still minding the space with both of your backs facing each other.
you heard shuffling behind you but you paid no mind to it. and when you turned your body to the other side, you were surprised to come face to face with toji.
"hey." you started as you slightly move back to create more space. "are you not hungry? there's still left over from the kitchen.
"i'm fine." toji replied with a low voice as you nod at his words.
"good night, toji." you said as you went back to face the other side again.
you were waiting for his reply but minute passed, he was still silent so you took a deep breath and sighed while closing your eyes. but the moment you closed your eyes, you felt him move close to you. he tucked his arms below your body and then the other above you as he easily pulled you close to him.
"good night." he replied as you look up at him with shock. did he just initiate a physical touch? he's not drunk, right?
"mhm." you simply replied, still surprised. toji didn't move away after that, he stayed still and so were you.
"are you drunk?" you asked that made toji open his eyes.
"i'm not. why asking?"
"well, it's- is this okay with you?" you asked and your voice was too small that toji almost didn't catch it.
you were out of words. it was weird for toji to act this way, especially when he's not even drunk. does he need something from you?
it hurts to think that he's only being affectionate because he needs something from you. either way, you'll still do what he'll ask you because you love him.
"are you not comfortable with it?" the way you immediately stopped him when he was about to remove his arms around you was a desperate move, but you didn't want to lose this chance because it might not happen again.
"no, i like it.. it's just, we've never done this before, shouldn't you be the one who's uncomfortable with this? i mean-"
"shh, let's just stay like this." toji murmured as he pulled you a little more close to him. his warm breath fanning on your neck.
you smiled but if felt like something was missing. you felt complete but at the same time you're not. you placed your hands on top of toji's that was around you as you give it a light squeeze.
"toji." you called his name in a whispered tone as you heard him hummed in response. "i'm not her, toji."
you didn't know why you even said those words. toji was hugging you but there were possibilities of him thinking his wife on you. because why would he suddenly do this if not for that?
as those words left your mouth, the warm presence that was comforting you suddenly disappeared. you weren't even surprised when he did that, just a tiny bit of ache in your heart.
heh, i knew it. but it's fine, i still loved it. you thought to yourself as you ended up curling your own body again, seeking for the comfort that was there just a while ago.
maybe someday, toji will hug you again, but that time, you hope he'll do it as him thinking of you, not while thinking of his deceased wife.
-
"i'm choso by the way, (name)'s doctor. i guess she already told you?"
"hah?" toji rasped in confusion as he looked at choso. so this was choso and he's a doctor.
not bad. toji thought.
"then why are you here, mr. fushiguro? your wife left just 5 minutes ago."
"i know." toji replied.
choso raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him.
"do you perhaps need something from me?" choso couldn't help but ask because the way toji looked at him was different.
"yes, i want to talk to you."
both of them ended outside the hospital where there were no people around.
-
toji slammed his hand on the wall, slightly embarrassed as he watch the doctor laugh in front of him.
"what's funny." toji rasped.
"sorry, sorry-" choso replied as he pants, he never had a good laugh these days. "mr. fushiguro, are you assuming that your wife is having an affair with me?"
"i didn't mean it that way, i was just asking if you and (name) have something."
"mr. fushiguro, ms. (name) is just my patient, i'm sorry if it came off that way." choso said as he leaned his back on the wall. "plus i know my boundaries, i wouldn't go with a married woman, y'know." toji calmed his body as he leaned his back on the wall like choso did.
"she's always talking to you on the phone, that's why i assumed."
"(name) told me a lot about you."
"i'm hoping it's the good ones."
"not even once your wife badmouthed you, mister." choso replied as he offered toji a cigarette to which he declined.
"she's not sick, is she?" toji asked.
"mhm, your wife was diagnosed with arrhythmia."
"arrhythmia?" toji faced choso at his words.
"her heartbeat is irregular, mr.fushiguro. are you not taking a good care of your wife?" choso tried to joke him but he didn't expect toji to stay silent. "well, i hope she's not lying when she said she doesn't smoke and drink?"
"no, she doesn't." toji said.
"anxiety or any emotional distress can cause this. are you perhaps having a lot of fight? her condition has been like this for a long time now."
"no, we don't fight." toji said "is it harming her that much?" toji asked
"for now, it's not. but if she doesn't take a good care of herself, it may lead to a heart failure."
"how to avoid this?" choso looked at toji in disbelief. did you seriously kept it a secret to your husband?
-
"toji." you called him as he was about to leave the house. "i'm sorry about last night." you said.
you frowned as you heard the front door close. toji was ignoring you. you felt guilty for saying those words last night but you just couldn't hold back anymore. it was hurting you. why would you say that when toji only wanted to be close with you?
you sighed in defeat as you turn around, continuing the dishes you were doing.
you knew how toji hated it when it's about his wife, yet you still brought it up.
-
"toji!" you scolded.
it was yet another night where he came home drunk, you're almost starting to get used of this scenario.
"i said don't touch me!" he yelled back as you stumbled back a bit from the force of his push.
you were getting scared. not even once toji had yelled at you, this was the first time. was the words you said really did have an impact to him? now you feel more guilty than you were. you were scared that toji would start looking at you the way your family did.
only because of the stupid words you said.
"toji." you said in a more calmer tone as you guide him on his feet.
"let go." he mumbled.
"i will. let's go to the room first, okay?" you sighed in relief when toji did what you said without saying anything.
"mama.." toji's voice must've woke megumi up as he look at you with concerned eyes.
toji shrugged his shoulders to remove your hand on his shoulders as he kneeled infront of megumi.
"megumi, mama's not here anymore." toji said.
you were taken aback but megumi was more surprised than you were that he started crying.
he was pushing toji away from him as he cry.
"i hate you!" megumi yelled as he finally free himself from toji and hugged your leg.
"it's okay, 'gumi. go back to sleep." you said as you kneeled on megumi's level while he cried in your shirt.
toji stood up by himself as he entered your shared bedroom, closing the door with a force as you flinch in surprise.
"mama." megumi cried.
"it's fine now, he's just tired."
"you say that a lot of times." megumi said as he wiped his tears. "let's sleep together, mama." you look at your room door as you nod at megumi.
maybe toji needs to have his time alone for now.
-
you were humming a lullaby as you sing megumi to sleep.
you already sang the lullaby 3 times already and just like you, megumi couldn't sleep at all. he knew you were crying but he decided to not talk to you.
megumi pretended to be asleep as you finally stopped humming.
he heard you took a deep breath as you pulled his small body close to you.
"night night, 'gumi." he heard you whispered as he felt the dip on his bed beside him disappear.
megumi squinted his eyes and saw you walking out of his room as the door finally closed leaving him inside his now dark room.
megumi sat up from his bed as he silently followed you.
he was tiptoeing as he followed you to the kitchen.
you were sitting there, a glass of water between your hands as you stare at nothing.
you were too drained as you wiped the remaining tears your eyes could release.
megumi was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear you walking on his way, but before you could caught him, he showed himself to you.
"megumi?" you called him, slightly surprised at his presence. "what's wrong?"
"um water, mama." he said as he noticed you smile a bit before giving him a glass of water.
-
"all good?" you asked as megumi tucked you and himself on the blanket as he hug you. he nods in response as he sighed in content.
"mama, i will tell papa tomorrow to say sorry." he said.
"it's fine, 'gumi. he's just tired and mama understands." you said as you brushed megumi's hair with your fingers.
"okay, i love you mama."
"i love you too, now go back to sleep you have school tomorrow."
-
when megumi woke up the next morning, you were still sleeping beside him. he kissed your tear stained cheek as he went out to start his day.
he found his father on the kitchen counter, holding his head with his hand.
toji noticed megumi's presence as he immediately approached his son.
"where's your mama?" toji asked as he placed his hands on megumi's shoulders.
megumi noticed that his father was restless, but he deserved it for yelling at you last night.
"say sorry to mama, papa." megumi said.
"ha? where's she?"
"in my room. mama was crying because of you!" megumi yelled, he almost wanted to cry as he recalled your unreadable expression last night. "i saw mama drink so many medicine, papa." megumi muttered.
toji massaged his temples as he made his way to megumi's room with megumi following behind.
toji slowly opened the door and sighed in relief as he finally saw you.
megumi's small blanket couldn't even cover your whole body as toji approached you and gently carried you to the bed, transferring you to your shared room.
"let's not wake up mama for now." toji said as he pats megumi's head. "i'll drive you to school."
-
"papa." megumi called as he fixed the seatbelt of the front seat. toji hummed in response as he waited for the street lights to turn green. "do you hate mama?" megumi was hesitant at his question.
"no." toji responded plainly.
"but you always make mama cry." megumi mumbled. "you always say that she's not my mama and it's hurting her. i always see mama cry, i just stay quiet." toji ignored his son as he started driving.
-
toji went back home after sending megumi to school and you were still sleeping.
he sat on the bed as he tried to recall anything that has happened last night but he couldn't remember anything.
he felt you moved as he look at you. you were finally awake.
you saw him as you sit up from the bed.
"good morning." you greeted as you rubbed your eyes.
toji was waiting for you to say something about last night but you didn't and instead smiled at him as you stretched your body.
"megumi!" you exclaimed as you realized that you were supposed to send him to school.
"i already drove him to school."
"ah really? thank you." you said as you finally relaxed your body. "then, what do you want for breakfast?"
-
has it been always like this? toji asked himself as he watched you prepare breakfast.
is it always like this the next day when he came home every night he's drunk?
you were all smile but this was the first time toji noticed that it was forced. is it really always like this?
toji wasn't the one to get nervous but when he recalled the nights he came home drunk, he couldn't recall anything.
he must've said or did something hurtful to you that you do not wish to tell him the next morning.
megumi was always a witness to it but you always tell him to stay quiet.
"i'll go out later." you said as he snapped out of his thoughts.
"okay. want me to accompany you?" toji noticed the way you immediately declined his request and there, he exactly knew where you're headed.
toji watched you drink the hot chocolate in your mug.
"(name)." he called.
"mh?"
"i'm sorry. if i ever did something last night."
not just last night, every time he comes home drunk, toji would say something hurtful and you were even convinced that he means some of it.
the first time he came home drunk, he told you he couldn't love you the way you love him and that was fine for you. but second time he came home drunk, he said the words i love you, but it wasn't for you. he said i love you but not your name in it. the third night he came home drunk, he compared you to his wife saying that you couldn't replace the role of being megumi's mother and you know that.
megumi was there and he cried with you saying that he loves you and don't listen to what his father said to you. but then it happened again. he watch his father get mad at everything, including you, his mother who just wanted to help him get to bed. he knew his father wasn't in his right mind because he was drunk. he cried with you again that night.
megumi got used to seeing you hiding your sobs from him. he already saw you cry silently or sometimes you just sit there to stare at nothing. megumi once caught you breathing heavily on the bathroom and there was a blood on the sink. you told him that it was nothing and megumi was just a kid, of course he would believe you that it was just nothing.
but as megumi continues to grow, he's starting to think that his father hates you. he started observing the two of you and there was nothing wrong with your relationship, except when his father is drunk. don't get megumi wrong, he still loves her real mother but you were the one who raised him. he haven't seen his mother once, only in pictures.
"(name)?" you snapped out of your thoughts as you looked from your plate to toji.
"i said i'm sorry." he said.
"it's fine, you were drunk."
"so i did said something, huh." toji cursed under his breath as he heard you laugh.
"don't worry, it's not that deep."
it was. but remembering it will only hurt you more.
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you've been having nightmares these days and you don't know if it's a sign for something. every dream you had was weird. there were times where toji would appear in your dreams. sometimes he hates you and sometimes, he loves you that you don't even want to wake up anymore.
you were currently sitting inside a hospital room as choso stood meters away from you.
"are you even taking a rest like i told you to?"
"yes."
"then why is your condition getting worse?" choso's words made you look at him, he was writing something on a paper.
"really?"
"really. (name), i am telling you this now, you'll suffer the consequences if you don't listen to me."
"but i do take rest."
"taking rest isn't enough, you should avoid your heart from getting tired. have you experienced panic attack these past few weeks?"
"n-no."
"you're lying."
"i'm not."
"your husband's worried, you know." you don't know why choso words made your heart clench, but you just hope his words were true.
"really?" you said as if you weren't convinced. choso looks at you and back at the paper as he sighed.
"i'll add another medicine, make sure to take it on time."
"why do we have to do these things?" you said as choso looked up from the paper to you.
"what do you mean?" choso asked as he raised his eyebrow at you.
"i mean, isn't better to just wait until it's over?" choso got silent, clearly surprised at the words you said. you noticed his reaction as you released a nervous laugh. "what am i even saying.." you said as you laughed at yourself.
"are you even hearing yourself?"
"i know what i said, choso. but don't worry, i was just joking."
"not a funny one. you just don't know it (name) but your husband's really worried."
"if you think your words would calm me, it's not working."
"huh?" you stood up from the seat before choso could say something.
"i guess we're already done here?" you said as choso nods.
"(name). take a proper rest."
-
you fell asleep the moment you got home and when you went downstairs, it was messy.
the television was on full volume and megumi was nowhere to be seen. toji was on the kitchen sleeping, there was a consumed bottle of liquor beside him.
"toji." you shake him to wake him up but it didn't work at first try so you did it again.
he was awake all of the sudden as he look around the kitchen. toji was drunk again as you thought of the things that happens every night he came home drunk. you hope he would just stay silent and wouldn't say anything anymore.
"let's get you to bed." you said as you helped him stand up but before you and toji reached the room, you fell on the floor as you entered the room. and the scene was so familiar to you.
"(name)." he called as you snapped out of the memory. "(nameee)." he called again.
"i'm here." you said.
"you're here?" he said as he touched your face as if he doesn't believe you. "you're really here." he said as he smiled and embraced you.
and you, you were taken aback, but you just let him.
"why did you leave me?" he said.
there he goes again.
"hey, look at me." he said as he held your cheeks with his thumb and pointer finger.
why does looking at him hurts.
"don't ever think that i don't love you, okay? i'm so grateful that you're here.." you were waiting for it. for him to call his wife's name but you didn't expect that he'll say yours. "if i started loving you, are you going to stay?" he said and you were speechless. "i'm sick of people leaving me." he mumbled as he embraced you. "i don't want you to leave. i promise, i'll love you like how you want it. i'll do it, i'll move on from her but in exchange, don't ever leave, okay? we'll heal you, you'll be fine."
what was he even talking about? it's not like your leaving or something, right?
you sighed, brushing off his words as you placed him on the bed.
"don't force yourself to love someone, toji. go to sleep, i'll look for megumi."
-
you were about to leave the house as you heard sobs coming from the house. and when you followed the sound, you were surprised to see megumi who tucked himself at a kitchen cabinet.
"mama!" he said as he embraced you.
"megumi, what are you doing inside the cabinet?"
"i'm hiding." he frowned as you wiped his tears.
"from who?" you said with a soft voice to calm him.
"mama.." megumi mumbled as his voice slightly cracked. "papa said you'll leave us."
"he said that?" you said as you kneeled into his level and he nods at your question. "he's lying." you said as megumi sighed in relief and embraced you once again.
"papa said you'll leave just like my real mama." megumi pulled away from the hug as he saw your surprised expression. "it's not true, right? mama."
your forced a smile as you pinched megumi's cheeks.
"of course, mama won't leave. never."
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"toji, can you drive megumi to school today?" you muttered as you saw toji who was about to leave the room.
"what was that?" toji asked as he closed the door once again and approached you. you sit up from the bed and your vision started to spin.
"bring megumi to school." you said followed with a small cough.
"yeah sure." he hesitantly said.
"thanks." you mumbled as you lay back down on the bed.
"you okay?" toji asked as you felt him sit on the bed.
"i'm fine, must be a fever." you said but toji wasn't convinced and placed the back of his palm on your forehead to your neck and you were burning. toji was about to say something but he felt your cold hands on his.
"i'm fine, don't worry." you assured him with a smile as you let go of his hand and faced the other side. you were burning but your hands were too cold.
"i'll be back." toji said, immediately leaving the room as you heard the doorknob clicked.
-
toji was back after sending megumi to school. megumi insisted on seeing you before leaving but if he found out you're sick, toji knew megumi wouldn't want to go to school anymore. you weren't in the room when toji entered.
he started looking for you around the house and the kitchen was the last place he expected to see you. he sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping on the table with a glass of water in your right hand. toji's eybrows furrowed as he silently approached you. he can hear your soft snores as he went closer and closer.
"(name)?" he said in a whispered tone and you woke up within a second as you look around.
"oh?" was the only word you let out as you felt toji's hands on your shoulders. "i fell asleep."
"what are you doing here?" he said as you tried to stand up but you failed. you don't have the energy even to stand up.
"i got thirsty but i got tired before i even drink water." you said as you finally drink the glass of water.
"you should see a doctor." toji suggested.
"i'm finee." you said as you let toji guide you back to the room.
slowly, you sit from the bed as toji helped you to lay down. he placed a blanket above your body and went straight to the bathroom inside the room. he went back with a wet towel and a bucket of water as he started wiping your face with it.
"thank you." you whispered, even your throat was hurting. toji didn't respond as he continued on his task and after that, toji took another towel and placed it above your head.
"toji." you called as he stopped at the door he just opened.
'can you stay please?'
how badly you wanted to ask him to stay with you, but the dreams you had before started replaying in your mind. maybe you shouldn't. "it's nothing." you said as you pulled the blanket above your chin.
toji seemed to notice your distress as he silently closed the door and approached you again.
"i will be back. i'll just buy you food." he said as you covered your whole body with the blanket.
"okay." you said and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.
do you have to be sick for toji to look out for you? maybe being sick is not that bad after all.
toji came back after five minutes, it's not that you're counting though, you were just bored.
"where did you go?" you asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"i'll just order, what do you want- i mean, you can't eat anything for now, let's just order a soup." toji looked at you as he heard you laugh at his words.
"there's no need, toji. it's not that hard to cook a soup." you said as you sit up from the bed, only for toji to push you back down on the bed as you let him place the blanket above you.
"don't be stubborn."
"toji, don't tell me you can't cook a soup." you said.
"it's not like that, okay? i just-" he paused for a moment before turning his back on you. "you seemed like you want a some company, that's why i am here." he said.
speechless, that's how you describe yourself now.
"is that so?" you said as you watch him scratch his head.
"i'll do this on my own way, okay?"
"okay. but let me, i know exactly where to order a good soup."
-
"this looks plain as hell." toji said as he opened the soup you ordered.
"but it's delicious, and why are you complaining?" you said as you raised your eyebrow at him. "i'm the one who's gonna eat it, not you!" you exclaimed as toji huffed in response.
toji started pouring the soup on a bowl before placing a chair beside the bed. and for a moment, you look at him and he looks at you.
"it's fine, i can do it myself." you said, trying to reach the bowl on his hand but he moved it slightly away from your reach. he hesitated for a moment before taking the spoon on his finger.
"ahh." he instructed.
"toji, this is embarrassing." you muttered as you move away from the spoon.
"how are you gonna get better if you're being stubborn?"
"just let me!!"
"tch, let me handle this." he said as you, again, tried to take the spoon from him but it was useless so you did what he said as he slowly placed the spoon with soup in your mouth.
it was quiet as toji continues to feed you, until it's the last spoon of the soup, you suddenly let out a cough as the soup dripped from the corner of your mouth and to the duvet.
"oh." you mumbled as toji reached out for the tissues. "sorry." you mumbled as you started to wipe the soup on the blanket and then the corner of your mouth. "we have to change blankets, i guess."
it was too sudden that you didn't have time to process everything when toji leaned close to you. you can feel his hot breath on your cheek as he pressed his lips on the corner of your lips, with him tasting the soup he just fed you.
you were sure you were losing your breath as he pulled away as if nothing happened.
"ah, sorry." he said as if he just didn't kiss you. he started to gather the paper bag of the soup earlier and took the blanket on your hands. "i'll get a new one." he said as he finally left the room.
-
why is he acting so normal when you're there sitting on the bed, trying to calm your speeding heart at the moments earlier.
you cursed under your breath as you hide your face with your palms.
why are you even embarrassed when kissing is normal to a married couple? it was normal but it was unusual for toji to act like that, you haven't even hold hands with him but a kiss? that's way more unexpected.
-
toji gently closed the door of the room as he leaned his weight on it.
"fuck." he muttered as he clutched the blanket on his hand.
seeing you wipe the soup on the blanket with that smile on your face urge toji to do that. he himself didn't expect it too. he cursed once again before proceeding to the task in hand.
-
you were startled when the door opens.
it was toji carrying a new blanket.
"i'll pick up megumi soon." he said.
"what about your work?"
"i took a day off." you hoped he did because you were sick. "you can't be left alone." he said as if he just read your mind.
"oh. thank you."
"not a problem. make sure to do the same when i got sick too." he joked, but it didn't fail to put a smile on your face.
"of course, i would love too! but i'm not saying that i want you to get sick!"
-
"mama!" you can hear megumi's voice from afar as he finally entered your room, throwing his lunchbox bag somewhere as he approached you.
"megumi, don't get to close." you said.
"mama! are you okay?"
"megumi, stop yelling." toji said as he entered the room, picking up megumi's lunchbox bag he threw minutes ago.
"you said mama is not sick!"
"megumi, don't yell at your papa." you said as megumi finally faced you, his face turning into a frown as he faced his father once again.
"i'm sorry, papa." he muttered.
toji was impressed that you could make megumi easily obey you. a thing he couldn't do when megumi was 3 years old.
"come on, change into your home clothes." toji said as he carried megumi like a sack of rice.
"i'll be back, mama!" he said before he and toji disappeared from your view and toji came back after a minute before closing the door with a sigh.
"come and rest." you said as you pat the empty space beside you.
toji sat beside you as the surroundings became quiet. he cleared his throat as he took the plushie megumi bought you and squeezed it.
"i'm sorry." he said.
"why?" you said, completely confused at the apology he just uttered.
"earlier. i didn't mean it."
oh.
"w-well, it's fine." you said as you conceal your stutter with a cough. "it's not like i'm complaining.."
"ha?"
"i mean- don't get the wrong idea!" you said, trying to find the right words. do you say it's okay, i liked it? or it's okay, i enjoyed it? "but.. did you regret it?" you asked, and the tension suddenly became heavy.
he was quiet and must be thinking about it.
"i did-" he paused, and that small pause sure made you nervous. "not?.." toji said in a questioning manner. you felt nervous and relieved at the same time.
"what about you?" he asked and you were more than confident at your answer.
"no. if i'm being honest, i really.. liked it." the last sentence were whispered.
"was that your first kiss?" he asked and you only hummed in response. it was true that toji was your first kiss, even if it was just a peck, his lips still touched yours.
you felt toji shift on the bed as he faced you.
"come closer." he said and you hesitated for a bit as you finally faced him and crawled a bit closer to him.
you were looking anywhere but his eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. and then he's leaning close again.
"tell me to stop and i will." he mumbled, forcing you to look in his dark blue eyes.
"toji, are you sure about this?" you mumbled as you clutched your pajamas under the blanket. "don't do something you'll regret, toji."
he cuts you off by finally kissing you and it wasn't just a peck like you expected it.
he continued and deepened the kiss, until you're laying on the bed and when he finally pulled away, his hands was between your head as you clutch his clothes on his shoulders.
"toji-"
"shh.. i do not regret any of it."
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"i need to confine you for 15 days, so i could monitor you properly."
"but i am resting!"
"yes you are, but it's not enough. it's better if it's being observed that you're taking a rest."
"is there another way?" you said as you clutch your phone in your hand. "i actually don't know how to tell my husband." you said as choso looked at you.
"but i already called him. he said he's on his way here."
"huh, what do you mean?" you said, completely surprised that it made you stand up from the chair. "he doesn't even know that i am sick." you said. "choso, i told you to keep it a secret right?"
"i'm sorry, he accused us of having an affair. i needed to." and then there was a knock on the door, and you knew who exactly it is. toji entered the room and you look away from him.
"take a sit, mr. fushiguro." choso said as he instructed him to sit beside you. you weren't looking at him but you can feel toji's burning gaze at you. choso left the room for a moment and being alone with toji became suffocating right now.
you suddenly felt his hand above yours. you thought he would judge or even get mad at you but you but he didn't.
"we'll talk later, okay?" he said as choso finally came back.
-
"15 days? if that's enough. as long as you treat my wife." toji said. he's doing all the talking while you sit there in silence and.. he really did call you his wife.
toji thanked choso after that as he held your hand and pulled you with him. you gave choso a last glance, a glance as if he just betrayed you and he was looking at you with his apologetic gaze, and there, you and toji left the hospital.
"when did you found out?" you asked.
"a few weeks ago. i followed you." toji said as the signal lights turned red and there was a faint sound of music in the background. "why didn't you tell me?" he asked and you hesitated for a moment as you sit up straight on the front seat.
"choso said it wasn't that life threatening, that's why i thought i don't have to tell anyone." you were mumbling that toji almost didn't understand your words.
"not life threatening but now you need to be confined for 15 days?" toji said and you went silent. "do you not trust me?" he suddenly asked and you immediately disagreed at his words.
"no!" you said. "sorry, i just don't want to be a burden and.. i thought you wouldn't care." you said, whispering the last sentence as you wait for his response. and he didn't respond anymore, until both of you reached the house.
"toji, i'm really sorry." you said and he finally looked at you.
"we're in this together, why would you think i wouldn't care?" he asked and you frowned.
"i'm sorry toji. i just didn't have enough courage to tell you because.. it's because of your wife."
"my wife?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrow as you nod.
"i don't know how to tell you because all you could think of is your wife!" you were frantic as you explain, trying not to say the wrong words because it might trigger him in some way as your emotions get the best of you. "i thought you wouldn't care because i'm not her." you said as you look down on the ground, trying to hold the tears that was eager to come out.
"but i do care, this is not about her. this is about you."
"you don't understand it, toji." you said.
"then i apologize if i came of that way, that you thought i wouldn't care because all i think of is my wife." toji said, emphasizing the words with sarcasm. "but you're my wife too, my wife now." he said, the sarcasm dropping on his voice.
"but i'm not the presence you've been wanting for, i know my place, toji. you reminded me a lot of times already." you said.
when did talking about your illness turned into fighting over his deceased wife?
toji sighed at your response and you took a step back when he stepped forward.
"i'm sorry, i want to be alone for now." you mumbled as you went to your shared room.
you and him were fine just last night? what happened now? it was all because of your stubbornness. it was obvious that toji was worried and cares for you but you're pushing him away.
you couldn't help it, you aren't used at him caring for you. you're mistaking his kindness into something, that maybe he's saying all of it out of pity or guilt.
that's right, now you realized why toji was weird the past few weeks. it's because he already found out and he just didn't tell you.
-
toji forced the door open with a key and he saw you sitting at the edge of the bed. you didn't even notice him until he sat beside you.
"i'm sorry." you said at the same time.
"sorry, i involved her again." you said as you felt toji's hand at your back.
"i didn't know you felt that way." he said.
"it's okay. i know how hard it is to move on from someone." you said as you held his free hand. "this will be the last time, toji." you said.
"what do you mean?" he asked.
"i'm not dying." you said with a laugh. "what i mean is this will be the last time i'll involve her. i finally realized it, toji. that no matter what i do, i still couldn't do anything for you to love me the way i love you." toji was about to say something but you cut him off. "but it's fine! like you said, we're married only in papers. i think i'm getting it now."
he was silent and you felt his touch disappear on your back.
"i just want to sort everything out before i stay in the hospital for 15 days." you mumbled as you sighed deeply. "sooo, friends then?" you said, the same exact words he told you before you two got married by force. but you saying it hit something in him, it made his chest ache.
he felt your hand take his and shake it, as if both of you just had an agreement. you didn't even wait for his reply as you finally sit up from the bed and started packing some clothes you'll be needing and he could only watch.
-
"don't worry, it'll only be 15 days. mr. fushiguro can still visit everyday but only around 10 AM to 5 PM." choso said as he glanced at your way.
"choso, did you know there was a theory that being hospitalized will only worsen your state. what if that happens to me?" you said.
"that's a lie, you're here not to worsen your state but to heal you."
"but what if? you know, everything is unexpected."
"why'd you even ask?"
"i don't know. i guess i'm ready?" you said and choso was looking at you with his judging expression. "just kidding." you said as you laugh.
"think of the people who cares for you. be strong for them because they're waiting for you to come home." choso said and megumi was the only person you could think of.
"my son." you said with a smile.
"yes, megumi's waiting for you so stop with your negative thoughts."
"ok, i will."
-
"mama!" your mood shifted as you heard megumi and he finally entered the room.
he was on his school uniform as he approached you, his upper body leaning on the bed as he tried to reach for you. you leaned close to him as megumi's small hands held you by your cheeks.
"mama, why are you here?" he asked as he frowned.
"mama needs to stay here for now but don't worry."
"why?"
"megumi, don't ask too many questions." toji said.
"it's fine." you said.
toji was watching you and his son interact.
megumi was still mad at him but megumi just didn't show you. toji mentally slapped himself as he recalled the happenings yesterday.
it was megumi frantically looking for you around the house.
-
megumi was running around the house as he call for you.
"where's mama?" he asked toji as he pants.
"she'll be staying at the hospital for now." toji said.
"why? is mama sick?" megumi said as he approached his father who's ignoring his question. "papa!"
"megumi, you won't understand. and yes mama is sick. now stop asking."
"why is mama sick!" megumi yelled, asking questions, eager to know the answers.
"she needs her heart to be healed. there, now go to your room megumi, you have school tomorrow."
"heart?" megumi muttered as he forced himself on his father's sight as toji sighed. "it's all your fault!" megumi yelled and toji ignored him. "you always make mama cry! now her heart is sad because of you! you always get mad at mama when you come home drunk!"
"what did you say?" toji said as he held megumi by his shoulders.
"i hate you! i wish it's you in the hospital not mama!" megumi said before he could even realize his words as toji let go of megumi. toji sat back on the couch and megumi ran out of the living room.
megumi cried to his sleep as he craved for your presence.
-
megumi was laying on top of you as you lull him to sleep.
"say sorry to your papa later, okay?" you said as megumi sniffed before nodding.
toji went to buy foods outside as megumi told you everything he said last night.
"it's not your papa's fault why i am here. remember that."
"mama get home soon, okay?"
"of course." you said as you pinch his nose. "stop crying now."
after some minutes, toji finally came back as you and megumi ate the food he bought.
-
megumi sat at the back seat as he hug his knees.
"i'm sorry, papa." he mumbled. "mama told me what i said is bad. i'm sorry." toji kept quiet as he drives.
he carried megumi who fell asleep at the back seat to his room, giving him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.
toji thought megumi was right, that maybe it was better that it was him in the hospital and not you. he didn't want to lose anyone anymore and toji hoped that he isn't too late.
he was blaming himself.
he already considered himself as a curse, because if he started to love someone, something bad will happen to them. worst is they disappear from his life.
is it a right choice to finally love you?
maybe not.
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first week of your stay in hospital wasn't that boring as you thought it would be.
toji would visit you at the starting hours and will bring megumi from school at the last hour, though megumi always sleep on top of you since he wanted to be close to you.
toji would sit there in silence as you hum megumi a lullaby he once heard his son humming while doing his assignments.
toji knew megumi were attached to you but he didn't knew he's that attached to the point that megumi always cry every night, looking for you and will end up sleeping beside toji occupying the space you usually lay at.
"mama, i counted and it's 8." megumi said as he sat on the hospital bed beside you.
"that's right, 7 days more and mama can go home."
"but 7 days is too long." megumi said as he frowned.
"it's not if you stop focusing on it."
"okay, i will not!" you and megumi laughed at the same time and he kneeled towards you as he started wiping your under eyes with his thumb.
"mama, are you sleeping enough?" megumi asked.
"i am. it's just so boring here when i'm alone." you said as megumi embraced you.
"don't worry, mama. i will pray so you can go back home."
"thank you, 'gumi."
"mama." megumi whispered after a minute of silence as you hummed in response.
"papa is not sleeping well." megumi said as he look around as if someone was there to listen but it was just you and him since toji left when someone called him.
"why?" you asked.
"papa misses you, mama."
"he does?" you said as megumi frantically nods.
"he said it to me!" megumi exclaimed excitedly.
-
megumi was sitting on the kitchen stool as he stared at the cereal on the table.
he hates cereal, he loves the food you cook for him but since you weren't around, he needed to eat it for now.
"stop crying megumi. she'll be back soon." toji said as he drink his black coffee.
megumi wiped his tears as he sniffed.
"i miss mama." megumi mumbled followed by another sniff and toji sighed as he sat beside his son.
"i miss mama too but don't worry, okay? let's have faith and be strong for her too."
"okay. but papa if mama is back you better not make her heart sad again." megumi said as he waited for his father's response and minutes passed, he noticed his father was spacing out. "papa?"
"oh?" toji snapped out of his thoughts as he smiled at megumi. "of course."
-
"bye bye mama." megumi said as he look away from you and you knew he was holding his tears back.
"come here." you said as he slowly approached you. "don't cry, you'll be back tomorrow, right?" megumi nods as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves. "bye bye." you said as you kissed his forehead before he went back beside toji as he held toji's hand.
you made an eye contact with toji "see you?" you said and he only nod in response.
why are you expecting something when you and toji already settled everything as friends.
toji looked at you for the last time before he and megumi left the room, leaving you alone again.
what are you even expecting? it's not like he would do something.
you just hope that he did something though. maybe a kiss on your forehead? or just a simple words of affirmation, but nevermind.
you sighed as you hug your knees, you should stop thinking about something that'll hurt your own feelings, you didn't want to worsen your state more, do you?
as if it was a coincidence, choso entered the room with papers in his hand.
"hi." you greeted as choso entered the room.
"how are you feeling?"
"nice, i guess?"
"good job, there's a lot of progress." he said.
"wow really?!" you said excitedly.
"yes, you don't have to stay for another 7 days. did your husband left already?"
"they just left."
"call them back so you could finally go home with them."
-
"mama, do you hate papa?" megumi suddenly asked as he looked up at you, both of you laying on the couch with book in your hand.
"why are you asking that question? of course i don't."
"really? but why do you and papa always fight?"
"we aren't fighting, megumi. that nights you saw him getting mad was because he wasn't in his right mind and he was drunk."
"oh, okay." megumi said as he lay down back on your chest as you started playing with his hair again.
"i love your papa so much, 'gumi. more than i love myself." you whispered as you smile.
-
toji is currently helping you with the laundry since he couldn't force you enough to take a rest.
"take a rest." toji said for the nth time as you wait for the laundry to finish.
"i'll just finish this." you said.
toji sighed, another attempt to force you failed and he could only wait for you.
he was getting impatient as he stand just at the door. he couldn't leave you alone, he's worried something might happen if he lose sight of you.
the same lullaby you're humming for megumi can be heard at the background as he watch you attentively.
but a sudden gasp left your mouth, your humming getting interrupted as you felt him hug you from behind.
"just take a rest." toji said.
"i'm almost finished." you said, an unexplainable feeling stirring in your system. it was as if you're uncomfortable at the physical touch he just initiated.
weren't you craving for his touch? now that he did it, why are you complaining?
"come on. i'll finish that. listen to your doctor, will you?" toji said as he held you by the wrist and pulled you going to the room.
"do you know what you'll do?"
"yeah, i do the laundry before." he said.
"okay, let me know if you're done."
-
you've met toji before, back when you were in middle school. maybe he doesn't remember you but you remember him.
that time when someone was making fun of you, he involved himself and protected you. it wasn't really a fight, it was just him pushing them away that made them run away from the scene.
"thank you." you mumbled and when he looked back at you, you noticed a band aid on the side of his mouth that was already red in color. he only looked at you as he walked away. but before he could get away, you held him by his hand. he made an irritated expression that scared you for a moment as you stutter through your words.
"i have a band aid here." you said as you look at each pocket of your clothes until you found it in your hoodie. toji was watching with an unimpressed look as he stand awkwardly. he hissed in pain when you removed the band aid from his lip and replaced it with a new one.
"there." you said. he didn't even thanked you as he left and when toji saw his reflection on a random store, the design of the band aid was really, embarrassing.. a hello kitty design.
-
you were at the middle of college when your parents told you to stop. they had arranged a marriage for you that you didn't even want. you didn't want to stop college, you wanted to be free but they wouldn't let you. when you met your soon to be husband, you thought he was familiar but couldn't place your finger with. you were sure that you saw this man somewhere, you just couldn't recall where.
the scar on the side of his mouth made you curious as you stare at it and it suddenly made toji self-conscious.
"ah this scar?" he said as your eyes shifted from his scar to his eyes. you were on your first 'date' with toji. the one both of your parents said to get to know each other more.
"i got this from abuse." he said straightforwardly as you laugh nervously.
"um.. did it hurt?" you asked.
"no." he said as he placed his hand near his scar and as if something slapped you mentally, toji's current position reminded you of someone. that kid from the playground, the one who defended you from the bullies, the one that you gave the band aid you just bought because you accidentally scraped your knee, but you gave it to him. toji noticed you genuinely smile at him followed with a wholehearted laugh.
"what's wrong?" he asked and you only shake your head in response.
what a coincidence. who would've thought that the kid you kept on searching for, the reason why you stayed at the playground for who knows how long, hoping to see him again was being married to you? what an unexpected turn of your life.
-
getting to know each other means getting to know everything in your life. personal or not. it was as if that 'date' made your heart full and ended up being broken in the end. toji was the kid you've been looking for, for a long time now but then he suddenly told you that he was already married and they had a son together.
he clarified that he only accepted the marriage because he didn't have a choice. he told you he just didn't want to disobey his parents and megumi just need a presence of a mother.
"being friends will do." he said as you hesitantly nod.
-
you didn't even know why you suddenly remembered the past.
"(name), where did you put-" the words died in toji's throat as he opens the door, only to find you standing at one of his drawers, a folder in your hand as you continue to stare at the paper.
the folder was immediately snatched at your hands as toji placed it back on his drawer.
"that'sā€“" you gasped.
"no, listenā€“" toji mentally cursed himself. he forgot to throw the divorce papers he requested back when it's the first month of your relationship. he forgot to throw it when he was cleaning his drawers the day you were at the hospital
you looked at him, and he hated that look in your face as another curse left his mind. what should he say? how should he explain it.
"well, if that's what you want."
"no." toji said as he moved close to you but your instinct told you to step back and you did. "that was, that wasn't.." he was stuttering through his words as he heard you sigh.
your heart was aching but you have to ease the pain. you didn't want to go back to the hospital again.
"it's fine, toji. you don't have to explain." you said as you sit at the edge of the bed.
"that was before. first month of us being married." toji explained and the small shift of your mood got unnoticed by him.
"is that so?" you said, looking up at him. "maybe i did something you didn't like to ask for divorce papers, huh." you chuckled as you recalled the first month of your marriage. it was megumi finally addressing you as his mother.
toji admitted that day that he didn't want megumi calling you 'mama' but he didn't want to wipe the genuine smile on his son's face so he just let him call you his mother.
"i'm sorry." he said followed by a strong curse.
"why?"
"fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't- that was before. i don't want a divorce now." toji said and the ache in your chest suddenly disappeared as you gave him a teasing grin.
"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you joked and it was clearly just a joke, but the tension suddenly changed. he wasn't laughing at your words but was looking straight in your eyes with something in it.
"i'm just joking.." you said as toji finally looked away from you. he couldn't stop cursing mentally. he was lost in his thoughts and didn't feel you moving close to him and when you were about to place a hand on his shoulder, to simply get his attention, he suddenly held you by the wrist.
"toji, what's wrong?" you asked. he started gripping your wrist tightly and both of you were interrupted by the knock on the door.
"papa! lala wants to talk to you on the telephone!" megumi yelled as you look at the door but when you look back at toji, he suddenly leaned close to you, giving your lips a peck, as if it was to reassure you and suddenly he was at the door.
you were frozen in your spot as you watch him close the door, your hand flying to your lips and caress it and instead of an ache, your heart was beating with happiness.
-
it was one of those nights where toji couldn't sleep again. it happens when something is bugging his mind. he was staring at the ceiling with a deadpanned expression and your shifting caught his attention. both of you were surprised when both met each other's eyes.
it suddenly became awkward.
toji sat up from the bed as he leaned his back on the headboard. you stayed at your position as you stare at the ceiling. there are questions that wanted to be answered, but you think staying quiet would be the best option for now.
toji side glanced your figure, and there were space enough for another person to fit. has it always been like this? now toji is sure that it has been always like this.
toji doesn't know what to do as he continuously stare at you until you finally look at him. (his gaze was burning holes into you.)
there, you sat up from the bed too, doing what he did as you cleared your throat to ease some of the awkwardness that was around.
"can't sleep?" he asked.
"yeah, what about you?"
"can't sleep." you chuckled at his response as you bend your knees close to your chest. why is it starting to get cold?
"about the divorce-"
"i already told you that it was before.. i have no intention in pushing the divorce."
"why?" you asked and toji thinks he doesn't even know why. you were itching to know the reason when toji could've pushed through the divorce long ago.
"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you recalled those words you said last morning and to your side, it was clearly just a joke so you removed that as one of the reasons why.
"was it because you found out i was sick?"
"no." he felt embarrassed on how quick he disagreed with your question. "i mean-"
"hm, what could be the reason.." you mumbled as if you're talking to yourself and toji couldn't help but observe you.
"it's best if we sleep for now." toji said as you hummed in response and started tucking yourself at the duvet, facing the wall. you weren't even surprised when you felt him pull you close to his chest. it was as if you're expecting him to do that. and he really did and there, you faced him as you wrapped your arms around his figure with your face hiding on his chest. toji inhaled your shampoo as he sighed in satisfaction.
"will this help you to sleep?" you asked as you look up at him. toji looked down at you with that stupid smirk on his face.
"i could ask you the same question." he said as he chuckled when you went back to hide your face on his chest.
"it will." you whispered but toji surely heared it clearly.
"then that goes the same for me."
-
"mama loves to cuddle." megumi said as he looked at toji's plain expression. megumi copied his father's expression after looking away from him, continuing the assignment he was doing.
"that's all?" toji said as megumi scoffed at him.
"you asked me what mama likes the most!" megumi argued as he fully face his father. "that's the most, mama loves cuddles!"
"okay okay, stop yelling." toji said when he heard your footsteps approaching them.
"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he ran towards you to hug you.
"good morning, megumi." you said, looking at toji as you nod at him.
"morning." he said as megumi pulled you on the table at the living room, showing his little drawing to you and toji.
"what's that?" you asked as megumi smiled.
"this is mama," megumi said as he pointed at you. "this is papa and this is 'gumi."
oh. it was a family drawing. your heart started beating through your ears as you look at megumi.
"my teacher said our assignment is to draw a family!" megumi exclaimed excitedly as he faced you and toji.
family? could you even consider yourself as one of their family? megumi could've drawn his real mother, why did he have to-
your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand on your back. you looked back and saw toji looking at you, it was different, the way his eyes calmed you. you awkwardly smiled at him as he pulled you close to his side while placing his other hand on megumi's shoulder.
"what's this?" toji asked as he pointed at a drawing which is color white and black.
"it's my dream dog! i want white and black." megumi said. your heart was racing as you feel the warmth of toji's palm on your side.
"why is mama carrying a stick?" toji asked as megumi huffed.
"so she can beat you when you hurt her again." megumi said as you laugh, finally joining in their conversation.
"that's cruel, megumi. i couldn't hurt your papa." you didn't even feel when toji already removed his hand on your side as he watch you and megumi, a smile making its way on his face.
-
"there.." you said as you dropped the pencil at the table.
"wow!" megumi exclaimed as you revealed some changes in his drawing.
"what are you holding, mama?" megumi asked.
"roses, mama loves roses." you said as you pat megumi's head.
"oh okay! then 'gumi loves roses too." megumi said as he grinned at you.
"but there are many types of roses." you said as you fixed megumi's disheveled shirt.
"really? what's your favorite among them, mama? megumi asked.
"the purple one!" you said as megumi nods at you.
"why not red, mama? red is famous one right?"
"yes, but i love purple more. because it means love at first sight." you said as you bump megumi's nose with your pointer finger.
you watch him look to the side as you follow his line of sight. he was looking at his father. you forgot that toji was even there as you look away with embarrassment. clearing his throat, toji stood up from the couch as he brushed his hair with his fingers.
"i'm gonna prepare for work." he said before leaving as megumi watch his father disappeared from his sight.
"mama, is papa your love at first sight?" megumi asked when his father wasn't around anymore. you smiled as you recalled the very first day you laid your eyes on him.
"he is." you said with admiration in your tone. "did you know i met your papa when he was a kid?" you said.
"really? what's he like?!" megumi asked with excitement as he leaned close to you.
"hm, he's still the same.. but he saved me from bullies." you said as megumi kept quiet, wanting to know more. "i scraped my knee but i gave my band aid to him because his lips were bleeding."
"is that why papa have a scar?"
"i guess?" you said as you ruffled megumi's hair. "it's just a secret between us, okay?" you whispered as megumi nods at you.
unbeknownst to you, he heard everything you told megumi as he recalled that day where he first got the scar on his lip, that hello kitty band aid. so it was you, huh.
-
toji left after eating breakfast and it was past lunch when you heard a knock on your front door.
but you weren't expecting visitors, who could it be?
you were surprised when you're met with, no one. but there was a bouquet of purple roses on your doorsteps.
you picked it up as you read the note.
'this is for you, i hope you like it.'
you bit your bottom lip to suppress the smile but it couldn't be helped.
you inhaled the scent of the roses as you finally went inside the house.
-
"thank you for the roses, toji." night finally approached as toji looked up from his laptop and to you.
"what roses?" he asked as you look at him in disbelief.
"that- you, weren't you the one-" toji suddenly laughed as he closed his laptop.
"i'm just kidding." he said as you glared at him.
"not funny!" you said, almost embarrassed when you stammered with your words just a minute ago.
"did you like it?" toji asked as he started preparing the duvet.
as if it was already planned, you move close to him as he finally covered both of your bodies with the duvet. "i love it."
toji's arms automatically made its way to wrap securely around you.
"how's your check up with choso?" toji asked as he switched off the lamp.
"he recommended me another medicine."
"huh? why? i thought you're getting better?" toji asked as you silently laugh at him.
"yes i am, it was just a vitamin, i mean."
"ah, is that so?"
"mhm."
"sleepy already?" toji asked in a teasing tone and you only further hide your face on his chest. "goodnight." he mumbled.
"i love you, toji." you mumbled against his chest. "you can say it back when you're ready." you said as you look up at him and toji lightly smiled at you.
"i'm almost there.." he mumbled.
"i can still wait.." you said as you looked at him with glint in your eyes. toji let you kiss him on the lips before you went back on hiding your face. he chuckled as he pulled you closer with his hand behind your head.
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it was a random night, a random song that was being played on the radio can be heard as you sit down on the couch of the living room. the lights were all closed, the street light outside being the only source of light inside your home.
toji wasn't home yet and megumi is already sleeping in his room.
your head almost fell on the couch when the click of the door woke you up.
toji sighed as he closed the door.
"i'm home." he muttered, but didn't expect to see you approaching him in the dark.
"welcome back." you greeted as you took his bag on his hand, guiding him on the living room.
"have you eaten?" you asked.
"ye-"
"let's eat together, i'm hungry!" you exclaimed as you held him by his hand, guiding him to the kitchen. well maybe eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt. toji thought.
"megumi?" he asked.
"already sleeping." you replied with an almost sleepy voice as toji sighed.
"you didn't have to wait for me." he said as he stand beside your almost sleeping form. "let's get you to bed." toji said and carried you in a bridal style.
"toji.. let's sleep." you said as he unbuttoned his almost tight polo.
"yeah, i'll just changed my clothes."
"hurryy."
"did you drink?" toji asked as he lied beside you.
"no."
"why are you being clingy?" he asked.
"miss you." you mumbled, wrapping your arms on his figure. "did you miss me?" you asked and toji couldn't help but smell you.
you didn't even smell like alcohol.
"i'm not drunk, i'm just sleepy." you said as if you just read his mind.
"alright."
"you didn't answer me yet."
"i did." he said as you squealed in happiness.
"okay, good night. i love you." you mumbled.
toji gaze softened as he pulled you close to his chest.
"good night." i love you too.
-
it was late at night again and toji was still not home. megumi was sent back home by a school bus last afternoon.
you haven't eaten yet. you were waiting for toji so both of you could eat dinner at the same time again and the door clicked as you stood up from the couch.
"i'm home." toji mumbled.
"welcome back!" you exclaimed.
if yesterday you were sleepy, today you have a lot of energy. you took the bag from toji's hand as you walked ahead, only to be pulled back when toji held your wrist, placing a kiss on your forehead as he loosened his tie.
it sure caught you off guard as toji walked past you as if nothing happened.
"well, have you eaten?" you asked, almost stuttering.
"yes." he responded and you mentally frowned.
"okayy." you said as you help him remove his blazer.
"what about you?" he asked, but before you could answer, your stomach growling did it for you. embarrassing.
"well, i guess eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt, right?" he said.
-
"hi, welcome back.." you slowly said as you took toji's bag in your hand.
"i'm home." he muttered, walking past you but suddenly he went back and give your forehead a kiss before removing his watch.
"bad day?" you asked, helping him remove his blazer.
"yeah, i think i couldn't eat dinner with you tonight." he said with a frown.
"it's fine! you go and rest." you said, giving him a smile of reassurance.
toji frowned once again when you made your way to the kitchen. you were humming a song but you were stopped when you saw toji sitting at his usual spot. you blinked twice at him as he sighed.
"well, i got hungry." he said, not looking at your way.
"okay! i'll re-heat some more then." you exclaimed with a smile and toji couldn't help but mirror it.
"thank you for the food."
-
another bad day.
you noticed it the moment toji entered the house with a slumped shoulders.
"welcome back." you greeted, doing the same routine.
"i'm home." he responded, hooking an arm around you before placing a kiss on your.. lips? "what's dinner for today?" he asked as he started unbuttoning his polo. "(name)? what's wrong?" he asked.
"w-well, i made your favorite." you stammered as you made your way infront of him, helping him remove his blazer.
toji made his way first at the kitchen, taking a mug from the cabinet and it caught your attention.
"coffee?" you asked as he nods and suddenly, you placed a hand on his back.
"take a seat. i'll make you one." you said.
"i can do it myself."
"just let me take care of this, okay? you're tired from work." you said, turning on your back to make him a black coffee when you suddenly felt his weight behind you.
"thank you." he mumbled before going back to sit and it made you proud of yourself.
-
"welcom-" you were cut off when toji harshly kissed you, his hand flying at the back of your head as he pushed you, until your body collided with a wall. "toji-" you mumbled through his kisses as you pat his shoulder. "can't breathe!" you said as he finally pulled away, with him leaning his forehead on yours as both of you catch your breaths.
"bad day again?" you asked but he only clicked his tongue, continuing his task on you, the food you made being forgotten as he carried you and made his way on the bedroom, and also not forgetting to lock the door.
-
thank goodness it was saturday today.
your whole body was aching and toji was out of sight as you sat up from the bed.
"mama?" megumi's voice can be heard at the door as he knocked three times before opening, only to see you on the ground. "mama!" megumi exclaimed as he approached you. "papa help!" megumi yelled as he struggled to help you stand up.
"megumi look out for the food in the kitchen." toji said as megumi followed what he was instructed.
"it hurts." you said as toji easily carried you, placing you back on the bed.
"guess i went rough last night." he mocked.
"shut up!"
-
"i'm home." toji said as he entered the house. you smiled as you approached him.
"not a bad day anymore?" you joked as he laughed, hooking a hand around you as he placed a kiss on your lips. you were used to it now.
"yeah." he replied as both of you did the usual routine.
after the dinner, you were quiet. it was unusual for you to be silent.
"toji-"
"what's wrong?" he asked, cutting you off. the night you both shared was 2 weeks ago, you were supposed to have your period 2 days ago but none came.
"i'm late." you said, starting to get stressed. "i'm scared, what if i ended up being pregnant-"
"then that's good. megumi will have a playmate. is it not?"
"but-"
"it's okay." he said, taking your hand on his and you were surprised when he removed the wedding ring on your finger, placing a new one. "wear this from now on." he said, placing a new ring with a rare design on it.
"thank you.. i love it but, why?"
"i want to get married again." he said, looking straight in your eyes.
"but we're already married." you said as you frowned.
"but for real this time." he said with a smile. "you know, before, i wasn't-" he paused, he couldn't say it but you already understood what he was saying.
"i understand." you said as you laughed.
"will you marry me again?" he asked and you couldn't contain the big smile that was on your face.
"i would love too!" you said as you embraced him, with him spinning you around.
"i love you (name).. thank you for staying with me and megumi. thank you for not giving up on us.. on me." he said and you couldn't help but tear up.
finally. it's finally happening.
"i love you too." you responded with a shaky voice as he wiped your tears with his thumb before finally connecting his lips with yours.
it was worth all the wait.
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delulujuls Ā· 1 year ago
Text
tinder buddies | ln4
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hi! i have no idea how to comment on that. i've got inspiration from the rumors that are now going on twitter and tiktok about lando and his activity in sm and i thought man, i need to write something in this narrative because sexting with him??? scuse me??? but of course all of this is fiction and and i dont have any statement on the rumors about lan, mostly because all of these are rumors and not facts. anyway, pls leave his poor papaya ass alone and enjoy this instead!
summary: when you met your tinder buddy irl and realize how indeed world is small
warnings: masturbation on cam (both male and female), bit of swearing, in general alott of sexual tention
pairing: fem!journalist!reader x lando norris
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Y/N thought that she was good at what she was doing. She thought that despite her young age she fit in the world of motorsport really well. Sometimes it even crossed her mind that she was no different from her older colleagues, what's more, sometimes she even thought that she was better than them. However, she admitted this only to herself with complete modesty and behind tightly closed doors.
Apart from the fact that Y/N was a really good journalist whose career was growing at a surprising pace, at the end of the day she was just a twenty-two-year-old girl who, like many other twenty-two-year-old girls in the world, had her smaller and bigger sins.
Y/N breathed heavily as she entered her hotel room. She set her suitcase and bag aside, taking off her shoes and plopping down on the bed. It was well after midnight, her flight was delayed by several hours and she was simply exhausted by the passing day. Even though she was excited about the events that awaited her in a few hours, right now she was just tired. However, she knew perfectly well what would help her relax before going to sleep. Not so much what, but who.
The girl unlocked her phone and easily found the Instagram icon, clicking on it and going straight to the messages. She entered the first conversation and was about to write some prosaic message, but she didn't have time to type out half of the sentence when a new message appeared in the chat.
"u up?"
Y/N smiled to herself. It looked like she could count on a pleasant end to the day.
"I was just about to ask you the same thing"
The reply message appeared a moment later.
"i was waiting for you to be available. i thought the evening would be wasted"
"And yet you see, surprise"
The person on the other end smiled and untied the drawstring on his sweatpants. He quickly wrote his answer with one hand.
"wanna call?"
"I think you know the answer"
She smiled and reached for the switch and turned off the light, pressing the camera icon with her other hand.
Y/N and the boy she had been messaging with for a little over a month knew next to nothing about each other. She had a private account and a few photos, he had a black icon and an empty profile. He only knew her name, she only the first letter of his. They met on Tinder, their profiles there looked quite similar. She has a few photos, more of the body than the face, he has the same, mostly in black and white. They had never seen each other's faces, but they knew each other's bodies inside and out.
Y/N placed her phone on the table and leaned it against the lamp, which she turned on a moment later. The light from it was dim, but it illuminated her body enough. The angle her phone was at only showed her from the neck down. She was perfect at maintaining her privacy.
"New background?"
He asked, seeing that the surroundings behind her were different from those he had seen before. She pulled her sweatshirt over her head, leaving her in only a bra and a thin t-shirt.
"I'm away from home"
"Work?"
"Too many questions"
There was quiet laughter on the other side. He liked her temperament. He liked her curves even more and the sounds she made when, at his command, she pushed her fingers inside her and brought herself to orgasm. Yes, he liked that too.
"Yeah, you're right. Strip."
Y/N pulled the t-shirt over her head and her interlocutor saw a red, lace bra that he never seen on her before. He smiled and ran his hand over his crotch. He felt a chill run through him.
"You look good, baby. Red suits you"
She laughed and pushed her hair behind her shoulders.
"Is this the first time you gonna tell me to keep my bra on?"
"For now, yes. I'd love to look at it for a while" he squeezed his cock and began to lightly massage it through the fabric. "You know what to do, dont'cha?"
Y/N bit her lip and lifted her hands, placing them gently on her shoulders. She slowly moved them down her body and when she found her breasts, she slowly started massaging them in circular motions. She closed her eyes and tilted her head slightly, hearing the sigh that came from her phone. He watched her carefully, following her every move.
"Take it off," he said after a while, "It's pretty, but I think I prefer you without it."
She quickly took off her bra and threw it aside. He smiled at the sight of her breasts. Y/N returned to them, continuing their massage. As she lightly pinched her nipples, she moaned softly. His cock vibrated at the sound that came from his headphones. He smiled.
"Does it feel good, baby?"
"Mhm, yeah" she answered, looking again at her phone "But you're playing unfair again. I have to see you too."
He chuckled and shook his head.
"You don't let me enjoy you"
He replied and put down the phone, quickly pulling his shirt over his head. He fell back on the pillows and turned on the light on his phone. Y/N smiled at the sight of the familiar, slightly tanned and toned torso. Her interlocutor didn't see it, but she smiled even more when he tightened his hand on his cock, which was now clearly visible on the gray material of his trousers.
"Take off the rest of your clothes and lie down"
He ordered. Y/N obediently lay down, taking off her pants and underwear. When the rustle of fabric could be heard on the other side, he easily freed himself from his pants and tight, slightly damp boxers. He spat on his hand and spread the saliva over his cock, feeling it tighten under his touch. Fuck, what he would give if instead of his hand it was this tiny hand that disappeared between the pair of thighs he saw on the screen of his phone.
The girl complied with his command and he saw her middle finger slowly sinking inside her, only to come out after a while covered with her juices.
"Fuck," he muttered under his breath, "You're so wet, baby."
ā€œI wish you were here and licked me clean.ā€
Y/N said, rubbing her clit. She felt that she wouldn't need much to reach orgasm.
Her interlocutor smiled under his breath, but she wasn't able to see it.
"I'm afraid that i would make you even more wet."
"Someone has quite an ego here"
"I know my capabilities, baby."
She snorted under her breath and made herself more comfortable, inserting her finger into herself again. First one, quite slowly, and soon she added another one. A long moan filled the hotel room as she began to move them, imagining that it was not her but him who was fucking her. And not with his fingers, but with his wet, hard cock.
"Yeah, just like that, baby. Keep going."
His eyes carefully followed the screen and the activities taking place on it. His hand moved smoothly over his cock, his lips were slightly opened. As he was stroking himself, the glass of his watch on his wrist reflected the light from the phone. He wore it every time they cam together. Y/N didn't know anything about watches, so she didn't know what brand it was or whether it was expensive. They never talked about it, honestly, they basically never had a normal chat. However, he once asked her about the tattoo on her forearm, just below the inner bend of her elbow. He noticed it after the first time they met on camera. When it was all over and they were about to hang up and return to their real lives, he asked about it.
"What does 33 mean?"
He asked when the girl started getting dressed.
"What?"
"Tattoo on your arm"
The girl looked at her forearm and only then did she understand what he was asking about.
"I can't tell you because you'll make fun of me"
Hearing this, he smiled. Not because there was probably some stupid story behind it, but because the girl was concerned about not looking bad in front of him. Even though they absolutely didn't know each other.
"I barely know your name, I don't know why I would make fun of you."
Y/N was silent for a moment, glancing at her tattoo and lightly stroking it with her thumb.
"Do you know Formula 1?"
He smiled and nodded. His reaction, however, was beyond her reach.
"I know a thing or two"
"My favorite driver drives with this number. Well, actually he did, now his number is 1. But for me it will still be associated with 33"
The girl explained. She felt a bit embarrassed to expose herself to him, especially with something like this. However, he did not laugh at her or comment on her confession in any negative way.
"I have a friend who is also involved in motorsport and has the same number. Actually, not anymore, because he also had to change it. But for me it will also be associated only with 33"
Y/N smiled at his words. Sometimes she wondered if they could become friends and get to know each other a little better. But then she decided to come down to earth and remind herself that she had no time for relationships or friendships. Now the most important thing for her is work and career, everything else can wait. After all, no one will satisfy her as much as herself. Right?
"Fuck, I could fill you so good, baby," he moaned, gasping for breath. He felt that he was only seconds away from orgasm "You have no idea how much pleasure I would give you."
The girl's lips were opened, her eyelids were shut tightly. She massaged her clit with her left hand and moved the fingers of her right hand inside her in quick, uneven movements.
"I'm about to- Iā€¦oh my god-"
ā€œYes, baby, thats it" he gasped, speeding up "Cum for me.ā€
She felt a wave of pleasure wash over her. The moment her back arched, she heard a long "fuck" coming from her phone. He came shortly after her, staining his toned abs with his sperm. He squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back, trying to calm his breathing. There was silence on both sides for a moment, neither of them moving an inch.
After some time, Y/N sat on the bed and reached for a tissue, wiping her hands on it.
"I have to go now. I have a lot of work waiting for me tomorrow."
"Me too. I wanted to let you know that we may not be able to have a call tomorrow."
He answered, also wiping himself.
ā€œIt's okay, no big deal,ā€ Y/N replied and took one last look at the muscled, tanned torso visible on her phone screen, ā€œGood night. And good luck with your chores tomorrow.ā€
ā€œGood night, baby. You too.ā€
She smiled and reached for her phone, ending the call. Exhausted from the previous day and the evening cam session, she just buried herself in the blanket and shortly after fell asleep. The next day, when her alarm went off, she was full of energy despite several hours of sleep. She couldn't wait for saturday's qualifying and all she was thinking about as she was getting ready was whether she would be able to get good material.
As she put on her red bra, she smiled involuntarily as she remembered last night. She wondered if he had already gotten lost in the whirlwind of his today's duties. Y/N quickly got dressed, gathered her things and, putting her pass around her neck, left the hotel. When she got to the track and was in the paddock, she couldn't think about anything else. Her only thoughts revolved around what was going to happen on the track in a few dozen minutes. However, for a split second she wondered what her tinder buddy actually knew about Formula 1. Maybe they could have something to talk about? Maybe she could even take him to some grand prix?
Her thoughts disappeared when she noticed Lando Norris hanging around the McLaren garage. The girl asked the cameraman to prepare the equipment and she would ask the Brit if he would be willing to have a short conversation. She squeezed the microphone in her hand and without thinking, she approached him, introducing herself and asking if it was possible to record a short conversation.
Hearing her name, his heart did a flip. He knew that name very well.
"Sure, no problem"
He replied with a smile, obviously not revealing himself, and ran his hand through his hair. The glass of the watch strapped to his wrist gleamed in the sunlight. Y/N had seen this watch before. Many times.
The girl smiled back and, hearing his agreement, gave a thumbs up to the cameraman. When she raised her hand, the sleeve of her shirt rolled up, and Lando's eyes involuntarily caught the tattoo on her forearm. A slight 33, just below the bend in the elbow.
He felt a sudden wave of heat wash over him. It's a coincidence, right? It must be.
"How's your mood before qualifying?"
Y/N asked, putting the microphone down and straightening her shirt. As she was arranging her collar, Lando's eyes caught a glimpse of her red bra strap. He smiled to himself and looked down. He wondered how many accidents and coincidences had come together in the universe and resulted in this situation.
"What? Something wrong?"
The girl asked, not knowing what made him react like that.
He shook his head and after a moment looked up again. He looked at the girl carefully. However, she was completely lost and looked at him questioningly.
"Sorry, as you can probably see, my mood is great. I'm positive about today's qualifying."
Y/N tentatively gripped her microphone. When the cameraman approached them, they started recording the footage and she had no time to analyze Lando's strange behavior. In fact, it was possible that this was their first and last conversation ever, so why should she care about it. When they managed to record a short material, Y/N thanked him and wished him successful qualifications. After that everyone went their separate ways.
Immediately after entering the garage, Lando found his phone buried in a pile of his things. He quickly entered his latest conversation on Instagram and, without thinking, decided to send the girl a message. Worst case scenario, he'll just make a fool of himself, which isn't a big deal since they don't know each other at all. At best, he would spend tonight as he had long dreamed of.
"ure even prettier than i thought, baby."
Y/N felt a vibration in her pants pocket and without thinking, she unlocked her phone. She was surprised to see a notification coming from Instagram, and she was even more surprised when she noticed who sent her the message. After reading it, she felt a cold sweat break out on her. However, she decided to think and act soberly.
"How do you know what I look like?"
"turn around"
Lando replied quickly and leaned against the threshold of his garage. The girl clutched her phone in her hands and obeyed his command with her heart beating wildly. Lando smiled at her, holding his still unlocked phone. Y/N felt a lack of saliva in her mouth. It's impossible, it's not really happening.
"Are you sure we're looking at the same person?"
She replied, having difficulty pressing the appropriate keys with her fingers. He was amused by her reaction. This whole situation didn't make sense to him. It was crazy.
"im looking at a pretty neat journalist with a mad bunda who has a tattoo with my friend's racing number. and u?"
Y/N blushed. Fuck. It's him.
"I see that your jumpsuit is a little tight in some places."
Lando snorted under his breath. The girl wasn't lying. The whole situation made quite an impression on him.
Y/N bit her lip and looked up. She'd be lying if she said it wasn't arousing.
"u know exactly why its tight"
"I guess I have to find out in real life. The camera likes to lie."
When she sent the message, she looked up again and their eyes locked. The Brit winked at her and quickly replied, turning on his heel and disappearing into the depths of the garage.
"my driver's room in five minutes. ill be happy to dispel your doubts"
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hannieehaee Ā· 2 months ago
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I was reading your boob or ass svt reaction and vernon's part reminded me of that one tiktok trend. I lowkey wanna see more of his reaction. Make it like oc is trying it out on him, he could just be doing anything and oc walked in and just flashed him idk just a suggestion hehe nice fics btw!
18+ / mdi
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content: bf!vernon, established relationship, smut-ish (fades out into smut), reader has boobs, boob worship, etc.
wc: 1088
a/n: this is the perfect concept for him thank u for the request!!
masterlist
"sorry, babe, i'm just finishing up this one thing. i'll be free in a bit, okay?"
those had been vernon's initial words when you'd asked him to come to bed so you could watch a movie you'd been meaning to for a while.
he somehow had a week off between his packed schedule, yet he had been spending most of it fine tuning some music on the small at-home studio he had set up a while back. you'd tried calling out to him a few times already, but he had absentmindedly dismissed you each time, an apologetic look on his eye each time he did.
after about an hour of constant dismissals, you were getting kind of fed up by the wait. had it been any other day, you would've let it slide, understanding that he had a busy job that required working from home on occasion. however, the two of you had agreed that you'd limit work this week in order to fully enjoy vernon's short-lived vacation. yet you now stood (well, laid) in bed huffing after yet another 'i'll be right there, babe' from your boyfriend.
enough was enough. you'd have to take out the big guns.
literally.
like any other man, vernon was a simple guy. when you first met, he was a bit of a mess any time the two of you hung out. it was clear to everyone and their mother how much he liked you. his crush on you manifested in shy glances and the occasional senseless ramble.
as the two of you got closer and eventually started dating, he became more chill around you, now considering you one of his best friends as well as his girlfriend.
there was just one thing that had not changed from back when the two of you first crossed paths. and it was the way he'd react to your body.
just as any other man, the sight of a nice pair of boobs could get him completely out of commission, shy in his glances and stammering just like back when you first met.
he could be formidable in bed, but he absolutely could not resist you if you caught him off guard. any time you initiated sex or sent him nudes out of nowhere, you'd have him wrapped around your finger within seconds.
today, you'd have to use a similar strategy once more.
getting up from your bed, you threw off your tank top without a thought, leaving yourself in just a tiny pair of sleeping shorts. looking yourself over in the mirror, you straightened your back so your tits could be in their nicest state for your boyfriend.
you made your way to his studio, finding him slouched over and working on something on his computer, back facing you. you knew that if you walked over to him and messed with him by wrapping yourself around his frame, he'd merely shrug you off with a chuckle and a promise to come to bed soon, so you went for something a little more out there.
"baby?" you called out from the doorframe, leaning against it in a casual yet sensual way.
"hmm? i'll be right there, baby," he practically dismissed you.
you audibly huffed, "look at me, at least?"
"oh, you're here?", of course he was so absentminded he didn't realize your voice was no longer coming from your shared room but from behind him.
turning around, he put down his headphones and faced you, eyes widening in surprise at the sight. he opened and closed his mouth a few times, brows furrowing in confusion and head cocking to the side. despite his confusion, you could tell his eyes were glued to your tits. they went back up to your eyes every few seconds but mostly remained south.
"baby?", he finally questioned.
"are you coming to bed, nonnie?", you asked as you slowly brought your hands up to your tits, taking short steps towards his chair.
"i, uh, i still have to-" he cleared his throat, "i'm almost finished, baby. i promise," he reassured, though not sounding too sure of himself.
"but you've been saying that for hours," you pouted.
"i- i know, baby," he sighed, "it's just- i just have to- fuck, can you put those away? i can't think when they're just staring at me," he groaned, interrupting himself.
"put them away?", you whined, "don't you wanna play with them, nonnie? they're so sensitive ... it's cold here. wanna see?", you asked once you'd made your way to him, standing over him as he sat on his chair, hands on his knees and digging onto them in what was clearly frustration.
"baby, please ... i need to finish, just- oh. oh, okay, i guess this is happening now," he gaped when you straddled him without such thing as a warning, tits now on his face.
"nonnie ..."
he shook his head, "don't say anything else, i- just, yeah ..." and with that, he ducked his head to get one of your tits in his mouth, hands pulling you to him so your covered cunt could sit right against his hardening dick ā€” his thin sweats left nothing to the imagination.
"fuck, nonnie ..." you sighed as he let himself go on your tits.
his tongue explored them, uncaring in the trail of saliva he left behind. nothing mattered when he had his favorite things at his disposal, practically begging to be marked up by him.
"you're so fucking mean to me," he groaned with no actual conviction in his voice, "this is why i never get any work done at home."
"are you complaining? want me to- ah! to take them away?"
"shut up," he grumbled as he increased his ministrations, mouth going from one nipple to the other as he made out with them.
at some point, his hands had reached the back of your thighs, lifting you with him as he sat up from his chair and resulting in a yelp in surprise from you. as he attempted to walk you out of the room and towards your bedroom without bumping into too many things, you interrupted him with a mocking laugh.
"thought you had work to do?"
"baby, if you don't shut up and let me take you to bed i'm putting a lock on that door and now neither of us gets to have fun," he threatened with a huff.
all you could do was sigh in contentment when his lips enclosed around your bud once more, ready to let him have whatever he wanted.
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deadghosy Ā· 11 months ago
Note
Okay so I just started reading Hazbin stuff on your blog, but they're AWESOME!! I'd like to request some Catnap!reader headcanons with the Vees if that's possible?
SURE! Thanks for the suggestion anonšŸ¦†šŸ’—
CATNAP! READER W/ THE VEES FOR A DAY
prompt: one of the Veeā€™s grabbed you out of now where and brought you to their tower to hang out.
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You didnā€™t know how this flat faced person got your attentionā€¦more like grabbed your tail like a untrained child šŸ˜­
Vox grabbed your tail dragging you to the Veeā€™s tower as you sighed, leaving some red gas out of your mouth annoyed.
I feel like somehow you would agree to hang out with the Veeā€™s as long as you donā€™t see them in your hellish life forever.
I can imagine a picture of you and the Veeā€™s taking a selfie, but Velvette is on her phone, Vox is smiling at the camera, and Valentino is trying to blow a kiss at you.
Valentino was trying to cook for the other two Veeā€™s and you only for the kitchen to burn down as you and Velvette order take out as Vox gets the fire extinguisher. Valentino is trying not to touch the āœØpretty fireāœØ
I headcannon Valentino finding you attractive because if your tall frame. But also your smile as you just stand there smiling having your hands behind your back.
Imagine Valentino showing off his guns and youā€™re like. ā€œWho needs guns when I can do this.ā€ You said smiling as poppy gas slides through your teeth and knocks Valentino straight out on the ground when you smirk.
I can see the Veeā€™s and you going in a shopping spree and you decide to fuck with them and spend almost all their saving worth. Vox knew what you were doing so he stopped you.
I feel like the Veeā€™s will try to use try to get info on Alastor. But thatā€™s mostly Vox so it would useless as you donā€™t anything form Alastor other than Alastor hates when you knock him out for bedtime
You literally sat there as Valentino was trying to get you to watch one of his sex tapesā€¦you knocked him out and left the room as you grumbled.
I can imagine if it was sleepover it would chaotic as hell as Vox would be the one to fall asleep first and duct taped to the ceiling as the other snicker
For shits and giggles, Velvette will say you give off Lana Del Rey vibes as you just side eye her saying, ā€œwhat tf you know about Lana Del Rey?ā€
You two are the best music buddies of modern genre.
Imagine a cute little headcannon where they all have secret matching bracelets and they let you have one.
Vox brought you on his channel to talk about your weird and cocky appearance. You were just on there to be clowned until you smirked letting poppy gas as the camera man fell breaking the camera.
ā€œWHAT THE FUCK?! You dumbass cat!ā€ ā€œIā€™m dumb?ā€ You said glancing at the man beside you as you slapped him smoothly with your tail as he had a shocked face touching his cheek.
I can see Valentino trying to get catnap! Reader to wear heels only for catnap! Reader to break them in their hands shaking their head no as they walk away again
I headcannon that the only V that catnap! Reader finds tolerable is Velvette because of her whole personality and not how she tries to bring catnap! Reader down
You definitely have that fun friend troupe with Velvette which is sweet and wholesome.
Velvette and you were hanging out on her side of the tower as she was getting you dressed in [style aesthetic]. You actually liked it as you gave her a thumbs up and grin.
I headcannon Velvette and Vox to try to make you do those dumbass TikTok dance trends with them so they could get #1 on the trending board.
I can imagine catnap! Reader ordering one of tose bug zappers to only electrocute Valentino
Velvette posted you and her doing a fashion walk as Angel was shocked seeing this on her page and shows the staff of the hotel.
The hazbin hotel gang will be like: ā€œwhy tf is our resident hanging out with them?ā€ As you are just trying to see why people even love the Veeā€™s.
I can headcannon that Vox forced you into a group chat with them
I can see that every time you hang out with the Veeā€™s, your phone gets blown up with worried text from the hazbin hotel crew. And then Vox will try to hack or get into your phone to disable your phone.
I imagine you and Vox literally shitting in each other. Like you say ā€œwhy as you so short.ā€ While he thinks of a comeback to say back to you.
I headcannon that if you and the Veeā€™s played uno together, youā€™re rigging it. Cause ainā€™t no one gonna win today.
At the end of the day, you left their asses as you used your red smoke on themā€¦well idk about Vox cause that bitch has a tv head. You probably gave him a virus to circuit.
BRO WHO TF MADE THAT SMIRK FOR CATNAP?! EHH? Anyways I hope you guys liked thisšŸ¦†šŸ’—
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princessbrunette Ā· 5 months ago
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omg i was doing a little deep dive on your page (cos wtf else would a girl be doing) and i saw you say something about pope and bunny!reader and i cannot get it out of my head like omg????
her throwing a little fit because she messed up her makeup or something and hes just gentle with her making her realise how small that problem is and he just keeps her down to earth
heā€™d be so gentle and patient oh iā€™m gonna cry.
ā‹† Ėšļ½”ā‹† šŸ°ą¾€ą½² ą­Øą­§ā‹† Ėšļ½”ā‹†
it almost makes him jump, the whiny ā€œno!ā€ that suddenly explodes from your side of the room as you do your makeup. pope was on his laptop, putting together some finishing touches on the research he was doing for a project that you felt was a little too complex for you to grasp. he blinks, looking over at you huffing as you stare into the mirror, teary eyed with a huge blob of mascara on your cheek.
ā€œi messed it up! i got it over my flawless base so now iā€™m gonna have to wipe it off and do it again and iā€™m gonna cry so now my eye makeup is gonna be ruined too!ā€ your voice seems to strain higher and higher as your brows furrow, and your boyfriend knows itā€™s only a matter of time before youā€™re throwing a crying fit on the bed. he knew how to work fast, luckily.
ā€œyouā€™re okay, iā€™ve got you.ā€ he shrugs as he quickly manoeuvres across the room to squat infront of you where you were sat infront of the mirror. ā€œall iā€™m seeing is a tiny mistake that can be fixed. donā€™t be upset.ā€ he waves your hands away gently as he cups your jaw gently, tilting your head back into the light. ā€œnow if i could just have a little lookā€¦ā€
he inspects you for a moment, mostly just taking in how beautiful you look before his face lights up. ā€œeasy, okay ā€” i saw this hack on my tiktok feed where you let the mascara dry and then you just gently rub it with one of thoseā€¦ where is it ā€”ā€ he bends over slightly to look at all your brushes standing in their pot because plucking out a spoolie. ā€œahaā€” this. you just rub on it a little and itā€™ll flake right off. totally foolproof.ā€ he smiles, and your heart swells. blinking the tears back into your eyes, you let out an airy giggle.
ā€œyou get makeup videos on your tiktok?ā€ you ask as he gently blows at your cheek, ensuring the mascara has probably dried onto your skin.
ā€œhey, i only watch them because of moments like thisā€” so i can help you.ā€ softly, you feel him brush lightly at your skin before pulling back victoriously. ā€œokay, not that i didnā€™t expect that to workā€¦ but that was really easy.ā€ heā€™s grinning victoriously. you check the mirror before clapping your hands happily, letting out a little squeal. ā€œyou havenā€™t put on your lipgloss yet.ā€ he suddenly announces.
ā€œso?ā€ you blink dumbly up at him.
ā€œso, i get to do this.ā€ he smirks, before pulling you in for a kiss.
ā‹† Ėšļ½”ā‹† šŸ°ą¾€ą½² ą­Øą­§ā‹† Ėšļ½”ā‹†
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mistiell Ā· 7 months ago
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We Keep this Love in a Photograph
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summary: since Joel gifted you a polaroid camera for your birthday, you've developed a habit of sneaking pictures of him whenever possible. He doesn't think he's worth the film "wasted" (His words, not yours), but after catching you looking over your accumulated gallery, you manage to win him over.
wc: 1.1k
warnings: tooth rotting fluff, Joel's a little self conscious, Reader's gender isn't specified, and they have hair but the length isn't specified either. If I accidentally did use a gendered term, lmk and I shall fix it. <3 NOT PROOFREAD (will likely come back to fix any mistakes later)
a/n: HOLY SHIT I'M BACK!!! This fic was inspired by this TikTok. I saw it and the Joel obsession possessed me so viscerally I had to make a comeback lmao.
**NOTE: I've linked ways to help Palestine here. If you're in a position to donate anything at all, please do! If not, you can reblog the post that's linked so it gets out to more people.
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It started on your birthday.
Youā€™d shared with Joel one evening, wrapped warm and snug in his arms within your soft haven of sheets, during one of those late night conversations where vulnerability doesnā€™t seem like a thing so daunting, that you used to love photography. Loved immortalizing things you loved or things you found beautiful. Heā€™d asked what kind of camera youā€™d had, what kind of things you usually took pictures of.
ā€œPolaroid.ā€ youā€™d told him softly, fighting you keep your eyes open with his tracing shapes into the curve of your waist. ā€œAnd I already told you. Whatever I found beautiful.ā€
The morning of your birthday, you woke to the smell of coffee and a clumsily wrapped box sitting on your bedside table with a note taped to the top; Happy birthday, honey. Love, Joel. And in smaller print near the bottom left corner; P.S. Wait until Iā€™m here to open it. Wanna see your face.
Youā€™d smiled, bashful, brushed your teeth in record time, scooped up the box, and made your way downstairs towards the sound sizzling and the tapping of a spatula on a pan. He gave you a good morning kiss, pretended to make a fuss about waiting until after breakfast to open it and watched with a smile as you carefully tore it open, popped off the lid, and visibly softened at first sight of the contents.
It was a polaroid camera. Coincidentally, the very same one youā€™d had twenty years ago.
Youā€™d cried, heā€™d panicked. You hugged him so fiercely, any worry that heā€™d fucked the whole thing vanished as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and held you close.
That was months ago, and in the time since, youā€™ve accumulated quite the gallery. You take pictures of just about anything and everything, but your main muse is Joel.
Which is whatā€™s led you to have half a shoe box full of polaroid of mostly him. Heā€™s no idea of your little stash, and you intend to keep it that way. Youā€™ve come to learn heā€™s got a thing about being photographed. Always nitpicking his appearance no matter what you say. He asks sometimes when he catches you why you donā€™t choose something nicer to look at, and your answer is generally always the same. There is nothing nicer. He walks into a room, and all you want to look at is him. Yeah, heā€™s got some more lines, got some more meat on his bones, his hair is a little more grey than it is brown these days. But he doesnā€™t see it the way you do.
Heā€™s got crows feet and smile lines etched almost as deep as the crease between his brows. He looks healthy now that heā€™s actually got food to eat, meals youā€™re both sure to share every morning in your kitchen and every evening in the dining hall. His greys are a tangible reminder that heā€™s alive, that heā€™s survived, and that he now gets to live, and youā€™re incomprehensibly grateful for every russet strand turned silver. Heā€™s all the more beautiful for all of it. And here, tucked into your armchair, polaroid pinched between thumb and forefinger, you get to commit every little detail picked up by your camera to memory.
Your gaze follows the sloping curve of his lovely nose, profile softened by the sun shining white behind. Itā€™s only one half of his face, but the beaming smile heā€™s sporting makes you feel whole. His hair was just starting to get longer, then, curling near his nape and flicking round his ears to kiss his jaw.
ā€œWhatā€™s all this?ā€ You startle, head leaning into the plush back of the chair to look at him upside down as you press the pictures into your diaphragm. He seems curious, if a little confused.
Caught, you swallow, ā€œIf I said nothing, would you believe me?ā€
ā€œNot for a second.ā€ He smiles teasingly, bending to give you a quick peck, bottom lip warm where it slots between yours. Your hold on the photos loosens, and when his gaze dips to them, the smile shifts into something closer to a frown, a little cagey, ā€œSā€™ that me?ā€
ā€œYeah.ā€ You answer simply, before joking tentatively, ā€œSwear Iā€™m not a creep. Youā€™re just pretty.ā€
ā€œSee now, thatā€™s exactly what a creep would say.ā€ He teases, and youā€™re glad for it ā€“ that heā€™s not upset. Rounding the chair, he sits on the arm, elbow propped up on the soft back of it and knuckles warm on the nape of your neck.
ā€œPretty.ā€ He echoes, blowing a short puff of air out his nose, ā€œNever been called that before.ā€
ā€œWell, you are.ā€
He smiles again, bashful and a little disbelieving. Thereā€™s a short moment where he just looks at you like that, backs of his fingers sliding down your spine a few notches then back up in a tender line before he juts his chin toward your collection. ā€œShow me?ā€
Warmth blooms in your stomach and fizzes up behind your sternum. You grin, handing him the one you were holding before sifting through the shoe box for your best works. He accepts your compliments and sweet talking reluctantly, but hangs onto your every word as you describe where you were, what you were doing, what made you sneak the picture in the first place.
You start to worry his limited responses mean heā€™s gotten caught up in his head until his hand slides up the side of your neck and settles over the side of your head, the warmth of his calloused palm encompassing the entirety of your ear as he guides your temple to his lips.
ā€œLove you.ā€ He murmurs into your hair, and the warmth sizzles like its carbonated, bubbling and burbling within the cage of your ribs.
You turn your face, slip your fingers beneath the curtain of hair at his nape and lift your chin to kiss him soft and slow. He rubs an affectionate line into the soft skin behind your hear as he hums, vibrations thrumming against your lips.
You lean back just enough to murmur, ā€œI love you to.ā€
He smiles, kisses you again. And again. And once more. He asks you to show him more of your pictures, and you oblige. Itā€™s early evening when youā€™re finally through, at which point Ellieā€™s come home and Joelā€™s started on dinner. You let her sift through the polaroids while you move to join Joel at the counter.
You wonā€™t realize until later that sheā€™s snuck a photo of the two of you by the stove, Joelā€™s large palm on the small of your back where youā€™ve taken over stirring a pot, gazing at you like youā€™re the only thing heā€™d like to listen to for the rest of his days as you talk and talk and talk.
That one, he hangs on the fridge.
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sapphireis Ā· 6 months ago
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Dark/Yan Daemon HCs
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ą³ƒā€āž· TW/CW: DARK CONTENT, 18+ (MINORS/AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS DONā€™T INTERACT), Bad English, Toxic Relationship, Implied AFAB Reader (talk about pregnancy and stuff in a part, but for the rest pretty GN), Jealousy, Manipulation, Implied Murder, Implied Kidnapping?, Daemon, OOC?, let me know if I need to add more TW/Tags ā™” My blog contains dark content, be careful when interacting/following! āž³ Characters: Daemon Targaryen
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ā¤  Dark/Yan Aemond HCs ā¤Ÿ Masterlist (soon!) ā¤  I'd do anything for you, Mrs. Highness (Aemond) ā¤Ÿ
This was requested by my bestie @kredpoison because she LOOVEESSS daemon, while i can't lmfao so sorry if those are short and bad, I literally have no ideas about this man other than i want him out of my life /j
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... Yikes.
If normal Daemon is already A L O T to take care imagine dark!Daemon who is so obsessed with you that he can't fully function
It also makes him angry how obsessed he is with you, not that he cares if it is right or wrong, but mostly because he wants to do other things but you are constantly on his mind he can't do it. Not when you are free to do as you wish
We all know how he is. Obsessive. Possessive. Mean. Violent. Just because his heart beats for you doesn't mean you will be spared from his atrocities
Daemon wouldn't hurt you. Not physically at least, mentally? He's always reminding you to who do you belong to constantly, manipulating you into believing that without him you are nothing, that you need him even to breathe.
Like Aemond he is always with you. Watching, following, observing you especially when you aren't married yet or haven't taken you in to go on this many adventures. Cause he will bring you too! Daemon wouldn't want you to be lonely without him.
Or to possibly try to escape him, why would you when he has a ferocious dragon on his side? He will follow you to the end of this world if he has to, you have nowhere to hide.
Once you are his you are forever bound to be his- Daemon doesn't care how he has to get you or if you are already married, we all can imagine the fate of your spouse once he found out...
Either that or he will ruin your reputation completely like he tried to do to Rhaenyra so that you have no choice but marrying him, even if you try to explain what really happened.
He doesn't treat you so badly, you just have to get used to him. But if you are good he wouldnt manipulate you, he will even let you get near his dragon and see him actually happy and content.
Of course, just like Aemond, he will make you pregnant as soon as possible. Its not like he actually cares about having children, but more so his possessive side its content because you have the proof that you are his forever; a little babe that looks like the both of you
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This work belongs to @/sapphireis, do not repost, translate, copy, rewrite or share on tiktok without my permission. Reblogs are appreciated and encouragedā™”
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catch1ngmoths Ā· 8 months ago
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šŸ«§š“‡¼*ą©ˆTIME AFTER TIMEāœ©ā€§ā‚ŠĖššŸŽ
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š„žāؾš“¢Ö“ą»‹ ā€œIf your lost, you can look, and you will find me..time after time. If you fall I will catch you, Iā€™ll be waitingā€¦time after timeā€ -Cyndi Lauper š„žāؾš“¢Ö“ą»‹
Summary: after a one night stand with Joost you both canā€™t seem to get each other out of yā€™allā€™s heads. You were always on his mind since then and you couldnā€™t stop thinking about the blond boy with the cute accentā€¦ until your paths cross once more. This time Joost wonā€™t walk away
Note: (all credit for the edit above goes to MCRBATS on TikTok!!) this is a part two for ā€œonly stay with you one more nightā€ ITS FINALLY OUT GUYSSS!! I beg for more requests because yall give me the most scrumptious ideas for fics ever!! Also, this is kinda bad so please donā€™t jump me!!!
Warnings: SUGGESTIVE, Talk of past sexual relations, mostly fluff!
Ė™āœ§Ė–Ā°šŸ“· ą¼˜ ā‹†ļ½”Ėš Ė™āœ§Ė–Ā°šŸ“· ą¼˜ ā‹†ļ½”Ėš Ė™āœ§Ė–Ā°šŸ“· ą¼˜ ā‹†ļ½”Ėš Ė™āœ§Ė–Ā°šŸ“· ą¼˜ ā‹†ļ½”Ėš
It had been months, you hadnā€™t seen Joost since that night that left you both achey in a good and bad way. Youā€™d pondered on your thoughts and feelings towards the blondie and you mentally scolded yourself for thinking heā€™d come back for you. It obviously meant nothing to him, he probably sleeps with people left and right. You were no different to all the others in his mind.
But you were. Joost couldnā€™t get your name out his mind. Couldnā€™t get your pretty face and voice out of his mind. He kept thinking about the way you said moaned his name and how soft your hands were against his rough ones. He wanted to go back in time and make himself bite the curb for leaving your apartment that early morning.
You were so so so much different. Sure, this one night stand wasnā€™t his first rodeo but the way he looked at you was. The way he felt towards you was, he didnā€™t know why. He really didnā€™t. Heā€™d only fully been around you for around 5 hours but those moments gave him a feeling heā€™d never felt before. He felt so much love, care, and warmth towards your personal being and just wanted to protect you from everything.
Heā€™d ruined it though, we walked through and out your front door that morning. He felt cold as soon as he did but there was no going back now. He had in his signature white earbuds in while he looked out the window of the Uber that was taking him home, his mind still on you. And just like that, that was the last time heā€™d seen your beautiful face and your addicting scent.
The sound of his friend, apson calling his name pulled him out of his trance. He was setting up for his concert in a few hours, when he was preforming it was the only time he could get you off his mindā€¦well somewhat at least. He went over and helped out apson and the rest of his crew and friends. Helping them set everything up and getting everything done for tonight.
You on the other hand were at your friend, Alexisā€™s house just hanging out when she interrupted you while you were talking. Her eyes were wide like sheā€™d just remembered something and her movements were one of excitement, taking you aback. ā€œOh my god!! Sorry to interrupt you but I totally forgot about something, so Mia, Rayo, and Lacey are coming over later and weā€™re all going to a musicians concert Mia likes!!ā€
You stare at her with a smile and sarcasm laced in your voice, ā€œnow why the hell would you wanna interrupt my story to tell me about that?ā€ You say with a chuckle, ā€œbeaacauseeeā€¦I want you to come with! Itā€™ll be fun and I know the others would love to have you there too!ā€ You furrow your eyebrows, this reminded you of that night where they all begged you to come out to that club with them where you met that boy you havenā€™t been able to get your mind off of.
You take a deep sigh, ā€œLex you know how I feel about things like that.ā€ You reply but Alexis isnā€™t ready to back down just yet, ā€œno I know but this concert will be different, itā€™s not as big as mainstream concerts and Mia said itā€™ll be fun!!ā€ Alexis says looking at you with those puppy eyes and pouting in a sarcastic way.
You groan and just like you did that night months ago you agree. Around an hour later the rest of your friends show up a to get ready. You hang with Rayo fixing your makeup before looking over to him, ā€œwho are we even seeing anyways?ā€ You ask him curiously, ā€œman I donā€™t remember, I just remember Mia putting on his music and showing me a picture of him. Good looking guy and his music isnā€™t bad whatsoeverā€¦sooā€ Rayo replies with a smile
ā€˜Whatever..ā€™ you think, ā€˜at least this will be something to get me out the house and doing something.ā€™ You sigh as your friends squeal and run to the car, excited to go. You laugh at their childishness and run after them. It takes around 20 minutes to arrive and the whole time your driving you feel this sensation in your chest, you canā€™t stop thinking about Joostā€¦he was always on your mind donā€™t get me wrong but something about this was just different.
Joost was backstage, talking with his friends and trying to calm his excitement for the concert. But something about this felt oddly familiar, heā€™d never felt this before any concert. His mind now fully immersed and focused on you, he shakes his head as apson calls him over. Trying to shake the thought of you out his mind, as he gets up from where he was sat to walk to apson.
ā€œHet concert begint zo, zijn jullie er klaar voor?ā€ (The concerts gonna start soon, are you ready?) Apson says to Joost, clapping his hand on his shoulder with a smile. Joost takes a breath and smiles at apson, ā€œJa, ben je er klaar voor? Heb je nog ergens hulp bij nodig?ā€ (Yeah, are you ready? Do you need help with anything else?) Joost replies, nudging apson with his shoulder, this makes apson clasp his hands together. ā€œAh, Ja, dat ben ik helemaal vergeten. Kom met me meeā€ (ah, yes, I completely forgot. Come with me..) apson says as the two men walk to set one last thing up.
You and your friends finally arrived to the concert. You all scooted to the front, people being nice enough to let yā€™all shuffle through. You and your friends talked before music played out making everyone around you, plus your friends scream with excitement. A guy runs out on stage, dressed in a while collared shirt with a black tie and black pants.
He hasā€¦short, messy, blond hair.. the same hair Joost had. No way, that wouldnā€™t be him- that was what you thought before he turned to face the crowd. Those features. Holy shit. It was him. He spoke into the microphone and you immediately knew from the sound of that pretty accent. It was Joost, the boy you couldnā€™t get out of your head.
Your mind races and you canā€™t decide if you should be excited or mortified that heā€™s standing right in front of you. On one hand, this is the boy youā€™ve wanted to be reunited with for months. On the other hand, itā€™s embarrassing to face him now. You secretly hope heā€™ll see you and youā€™re also hoping he wonā€™t.
He sings his song, ā€œofflineā€ as he looks at the crowd before he sees it. He thinks heā€™s imagining things, youā€™ve been a constant in his head for months but thereā€™s no way youā€™re here right now. No way youā€™re looking up at him with the same shocked expression that his face definitely has. His voice slightly shakes but he keeps on singing. Heā€™s imagining shit, god he needs to get it together
But it wasnā€™t his imagination. You were there, for the rest of the concert you and Joost made continuous eye contact. And after the concert was done and Joost was backstage he was his wracking his brain for any way he could catch you. He couldnā€™t let you leave again, he just got given a second chance and he wasnā€™t about to give it up.
You were thinking the same things, you were alone in your mind the whole concert. You were thinking and planing about what to do after this, once the concert was done and everyone was leaving. You panicked, ā€œu-um you guys can leave without me, I can get an Uber back home! I need to do something..! Iā€™ll text you when I get home safe!ā€ You say
You knew they wouldnā€™t let you so you run away before they can protest against your words. You look around, after your far enough away. You second guess yourself once your by yourself. Your heart is racing but your thoughts won. What if he didnā€™t wanna see you? What is he forgot about you and everything about that night.? You shake your head and realize what youā€™re doing, your friends probably havenā€™t gotten far.
Before you can run back to your friends you hear heavy footsteps, you turn around frantically. And you finally see Joost turning the corner to the hallway to where you were. He turns his head when you both lock eyes, both of you freezing. You stared at each other, breathing heavily and hearts racing.
ā€œJ-Joost..?ā€ You stutter out, your voice weak and body stiff. He immediately breaks out of his trace at the sound of that voice that heā€™d missed so much. He runs towards you and embraces you, it was strangeā€¦it really was. This amount of affection for someone you hadnā€™t seen a few months and only spend one night together.
But it felt like you both were intertwined, sewn together in some way (Adrianne Lenker mentioned?!) He smiles, picking you up and spinning you around. ā€œHoly shit itā€™s really you, fuck Iā€™m so sorry. I regretted leaving as soon as I closed your door. Iā€™m sorry if I made you feel used or unimportant, your not and i-ā€œ heā€™s put off my a soft kiss being pressed to his lips
You grab his face as his hands pull your waist to be flush against his hips. Both of you are out of breath, pressing messy and rough kisses to each others lips. You moan softly on his lips and joost took his opportunity to slip his tounge into your mouth. Nothing but love shown in the kisses as he presses you up against the wall behind you, towering over you as you finally pull away.
ā€œIā€™m not letting you go again, I hope youā€™re aware of that..ā€ he says with his signature smile and you giggle before responding, ā€œI wouldnā€™t have it any other way..ā€ you say before he lowers his head, catching your lips in his once more
š„žāؾš“¢Ö“ą»‹ ā€œ Wanna listen to the sound of you blinking, wanna listen to your hands soothe. Listen to your heart beating, listen to the way you moveā€ - Adrianne lenker š„žāؾš“¢Ö“ą»‹
Ė™āœ§Ė–Ā°šŸ“· ą¼˜ ā‹†ļ½”Ėš Ė™āœ§Ė–Ā°šŸ“· ą¼˜ ā‹†ļ½”Ėš Ė™āœ§Ė–Ā°šŸ“· ą¼˜ ā‹†ļ½”Ėš Ė™āœ§Ė–Ā°šŸ“· ą¼˜ ā‹†ļ½”Ėš
TAGLIST: @timewillpasssoon @poppymelonz @pickle-juice-and-vodka @imsiriuslyreal
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heavenbarnes Ā· 7 months ago
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More weirdo older bf Simon šŸ™
this is from the alternate universe!simon where heā€™s still older bf!simon but a weird old perv šŸ«¶šŸ¼ (implied ghoap at the end)
itā€™s cold, cold enough that older bf!simon can see his breath.
he can also hear johnnyā€™s teeth rattling, mostly cold but thereā€™s a hint of-
ā€œfuckinā€™ boring- shite end of the stickā€
boredom.
hold up in fuck knows where in the freezing cold with a rifle laid across his thighs listening to johnny whinge his fucking ear off.
ā€œcourse gaz didnae have tā€™do this- pretty boy never has tā€™freeze his bollocks offā€
simon gets how shit this is, believe him.
itā€™s shit that he and johnny have to sit frozen (figuratively and literally) and just wait for the target to appear.
itā€™s been three days, the fucker isnā€™t showing.
but whatā€™s worse (because simon argues he has the worse end of that shitty stick) is that he had to up and leave you.
got the call while you were in the shower, heā€™d barged through the door you couldā€™ve sworn youā€™d locked and once he got you to stop screaming heā€™d had to break the news.
ā€œmā€™offā€
ā€œoh, ok- for how long?ā€
ā€œnot sure, a bitā€
only hint of a silver lining was the ā€œgood luck, be safeā€ reach around you gave him when he peeled his kit off and joined you in the water.
he really felt like he was beginning to make progress with you.
yes, you still were a little uneasy with his staring problem and yes, he still needed to learn to ask ā€œpleaseā€ and not just put your hand in his pants.
but you hadnā€™t left yet.
and to simon? shit, thatā€™s as good as a hand in marriage.
he didnā€™t even have the pleasure of sitting in silence and missing you- not with that little bastard in his ear.
ā€œcanā€™ye check again, L.t?ā€
fuck sakes.
reluctantly, simon takes his phone out one of the pockets on his vest because, as much as johnny was doing his nut it-
he just had to know.
he chooses the app that brings up the livestream of cameras around your shared home. does his obligatory check of the outside perimeter, makes sure nobody is taking liberties.
then he begins the hunt.
youā€™ll be around here somewhere.
room by room, he looks for the shape of you.
ā€œhere pretty, prettyā€
johnnyā€™s eyes flicker from the horizon to the device in simonā€™s hands, almost buzzing in excitement.
ā€œcome out, come outā€
mightā€™ve been the trip down memory lane but itā€™s more than likely the anticipation, simon was chubbing up in his trousers.
ā€œfound youā€
johnny all but leapt from his post until he was at simonā€™s side, eyes drawn to the way you moved around the living room.
as you moved into the view of the other camera, simonā€™s heart nearly stopped.
you were in his shirt.
ā€œthe sight aā€™that, L.t.ā€
you were a sight, thatā€™s for sure. perching yourself in the corner of the couch, the two men watched as you scrolled your phone absentmindedly.
one leg outstretched, the other pulled up at the knee.
a rustle of leaves had both men snapping their attention back to their surroundings, keeping a keen ear and eye out before they hurried back to you.
pretty old you.
doing nothing more than reading an article or watching a tiktok or doing- anything.
but you might as well have been stroking yourself right there.
they couldā€™ve claimed it was your bare legs, the way they could imagine you mightā€™ve had no underwear, the curve of your chest under simonā€™s shirt-
it was no use.
they both knew exactly what it was.
they liked to stare.
liked watching you while you were none the wiser, that at any moment you could start touching yourself and have no idea you had an audience.
the thrill of the chase or whatever they called it.
ā€œcannae believe youā€™ve got thaā€™ waiting at homeā€
ā€œneither can i, mateā€
simon watched you sink lower into the couch, silently praying you were reading one of those dirty little stories you liked.
probably werenā€™t, obedient thing probably saving it all up till he got home to wring it out of you.
heā€™d have to make do with imagination.
ā€œhere, ā€˜old thisā€
johnny grumbled but took the phone nonetheless. his eyes stayed fixed on you as he heard the sounds of simonā€™s belt, rustle of trousers, spitting on hands.
ā€œif i have tā€™hold this yeā€™ave to help me ootā€
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beelinx Ā· 1 month ago
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jason grace boyfriend headcanons
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a/n: migraines have been killing me lately šŸ˜­ free me
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Biggest gentleman ever
But thatā€™s common knowledge I fear
Everyone and their mothers know Jasonā€™s absolutely perfect.
Heā€™s very traditional, so heā€™d want to ā€˜courtā€™ you properly before dating you.
That sounds corny Iā€™m sorry but like
Heā€™d get you flowers constantly, open every door for you, pay for your mealsā€¦
You get it.
When he confessed and asked you out, you best bet he also went all out.
SO many flowers
And it doesnā€™t stop there.
You better be prepared to be gifted flowers constantly.
Honestly itā€™s gotten to a point where you donā€™t even think you have space for any more flowers.
Your room looks like a fucking greenhouse at this point.
Heā€™d stop immediately if you mentioned disliking them, and would find a cute alternative to give you.
Jason is the type of guy to always text you to make sure youā€™re okay, and to let you know what heā€™s up to.
If heā€™s in a quest, heā€™d send you constant Iris messages to keep you from worrying about his safety.
In other words, heā€™s the sweetest, most attentive bf ever <3
Since Iā€™m pretty sure itā€™s canon: Heā€™s a big hugger!!
I do wholeheartedly believe he wouldnā€™t be the biggest fan of PDA, preferring those types of moments to be done in private.
He would hug you in public, but only if he felt comfortable with the people around.
BUTTTT if thereā€™s one thing he would never do, is drop your hand.
Only act of affection he is 10000% comfortable with doing publicly.
He loves holding your hand in his always, and heā€™s a big fan of kissing your hand, too.
Actually, he loves your hand a concerning amountā€¦
You and Jason would read quietly next to one another <3
Heā€™d let you wear his glasses if you asked.
AND if you already wear glasses (like me) then you two would definitely go shopping for new glasses together.
It is so much easier when you have someone helping you out tbh
Heā€™d always be prepared with anything you need.
Jason keeps a bag full of stuff just in case you find yourself needing one of them.
He also reserves a place in his room for you to place your stuff in.
THAT mostly because he wants you to be able to casually sleepover, but he gets bashful admitting that.
Related to all the before mentioned but I fully believe Jason would want to take things slow.
He wouldnā€™t jump into something if he knew he didnā€™t have serious feelings and wanted to pursue the relationship further.
In other words, heā€™s a date to marry type of guy.
AS THEY ALL SHOULD BE !
Wholeheartedly believe that, if he felt you were the one, he would immediately buy a ring.
But ā€” if he felt as if itā€™d be more proper to wait until a certain time to propose, heā€™d refrain from doing it for a while.
Instead, heā€™d get you a promise ring.
He would want you to be as committed to him as he is to you.
Itā€™s because of his abandonment issues and stuffā€¦
Anyway if you moved in with him then trust me he is ON IT
Those TikTok men are a disgrace in his eyes okay
He will help you out constantly
Except he doesnā€™t consider it ā€œhelping outā€ because itā€™s his job, too.
Honestly nevermind boyfriend headcanons he should straight up be HUSBAND headcanons
Because there has never been a man more husband material than Jason Grace.
I need him.
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xdyledz Ā· 4 days ago
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Tiktoks
this is a bakugou head cannon
*āœ§ ā”€ā”€ā”€ā”€ā”€ā”€ā”€ā”€ā”€ āœ§*
Ok hear me out, I feel like bakugou isnā€™t OPPOSED to doing tiktoks with you. I feel like before he gets with you he doesnā€™t post on tiktok that much. He probably would post those tiktoks that are just pictures with words saying ā€œ I hate annoying people like shut up ā€œ
Since i head cannon that the baku squad lives together ( minus mina ) i think the only time we will see bakugo doing quote on quote ā€œ trends ā€œ is on kaminari tiktok. That is until he met you and you guys went public.
For his page he would mostly post slide shows like the moon river trend and ( this isnā€™t a tiktok trend but this is for all my girls who love the princess and the front ) he probably hard launched you to the lyrics ā€œ Love always finds a away itā€™s true. and i love you, evangelline ā€œ
On your page all it takes is a kiss and heā€™ll do whatever you ask, i would like to say the hear me out cake is your guys most popular video together simply because A) he was taken aback by most of your choices and B) you put his dad on there.
All in all he does it because you love it and if he sees that pretty smile on your face heā€™s happy.
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scorpioriesling Ā· 2 months ago
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TikTok Thirst Traps
ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *
Featuring: Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel, Lucien, Eris, & Tamlin
Warning(s): none
Summary: Nothing much, just the ACOTAR males as TikTok stereotypes / thirst traps.
SRā€™s Note: Guys Iā€™m soooo sorry I swear Iā€™m working on Invisible String and THTH ā€” I have so much personal life stuff going on too and itā€™s been hard finding time to write! Anyways, hereā€™s a little sum sum in the meantime for you all. <3
Tags: @mellowmusings @rcarbo1 @lilah-asteria @kitsunetori @velarisdusk (inbox me or comment if you'd like to be added!)
ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ:* āœ§ļ½„ļ¾Ÿ: *
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Rhysand
major businessman / entrepreneur vibes for rhysā€™ thirst traps
a man in a suit is justā€¦ *chefā€™s kiss*
he has money and he knows it and does not care to show it on social media
his page is definitely a dark colored theme, most of his attire is black, and he comes across super professional
however
he knows what the ladies like
occasionally his car will make an appearance, or what he would deem ā€œrisquĆ©ā€ (ahem, the middle inspiration photo)
doesnā€™t care too much about commentsā€¦ he actually finds that the women who frequently spam his page are a bit annoying more than anything
regardless, he would never say anything rude to anyone
keeps his pages mostly professional to avoid conflict in the workplace; but lets be honest, everyone in his office is down bad for this man, heā€™s not getting in any kind of trouble
genuinely couldnā€™t find just one that was a perfect fit for rhys, but his page comes very close if it were a bit darker themed and more luxurious / CEO-ish? is that a word? more suit content? you get the gist
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Cassian
i almost feel like itā€™s a given that his tik tok thirst traps would be the ā€œgym broā€ / hot guy workout videos
a lot of these are simply him working out, not necessarily trying to get girls attention or anything but simply provide content for his fitness account
to take this a step furtherā€” when the girlies start commenting on his posts with emojis and such, he gets a little flustered. he wasnā€™t expecting thisā€¦ he just lifts, thatā€™s all
but, he canā€™t complain
his page is chaotic; videos of him lifting, flexing, what he eats to stay in shape, and even some videos of self reflection
itā€™s the comments like, ā€œlet me come to the gym with you!ā€ or ā€œyou could lift me insteadā€ etc that he turns into videos of how to get into working out / body buildingā€¦ not realizing the girlies just like to look at him. lol
he would respond to just about every comment with something kind or positive, even if it was sexual / silly in nature heā€™d find a way to make light of it
best example i could find would be this man
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Azriel
i think we already know modern!az is a biker boy. there. i rest my case. thatā€™s all.
iā€™m kidding
he thrives off the attention from booktok ladies; he doesnā€™t respond much, but he secretly reads every comment / mention / dm and takes every suggestion seriously when considering new content to create
yes, he films a few with a scream mask on
again, i rest my case
of course he has a darker themed page, lots of slow bass music on his videos and many videos of him riding at night
heā€™s always in a tight tee to show off his body that heā€™s spend years honing ā€” and yes, he knows the girls love his arms too
not too much humor online from this guy. no full face reveal either.
however, when he reveals his smile for the first timeā€¦
letā€™s say his followers just about loose their minds
thereā€™s so many tik tok pages like this yall already know what im talking aboutā€¦ hereā€™s an example in case you donā€™t
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Lucien
at first, he didnā€™t follow trends or do any kind of thirst traps of any kind. he thought those were kind of dumb and mainly used the app to send funny videos to his friends
however
lucien is creative, and his outlet here is music
apparently being a sassy redhead wasnā€™t enough, so he started filming himself playing his guitar
shirtlessā€¦ of course.
the jump in followers may have prompted him to continue filming such contentā€¦ or maybe the types of comments he was getting to boost that ego of his HAHA
anyways, his vibe is more acoustic / beachy / peaceful and light, very beach boy vibes with him but he will dabble in the electric guitar all the same once he gets used to playing it
per mentioned previously, he used to not make many videos, but now that he does, he finds himself being very real on this app and a lot of times recording small snippets of his own songs and talking into the camera
he enjoys the comments that show he is clearly capable of snagging the attention of the ladies; however, he responds to a lot of the ones that pertain to his talent and are interested in more than just his pretty face <3
i like this example best, with a lighter / more beachy and acoustic aesthetic ā€¦ this may be more accurate
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Eris
iā€™m really hoping you guys understand what iā€™m going for with this oneā€¦ eris cooks.
like, very handsome, very demure, very good looking, cooking alone, but alsoā€¦ he knows what heā€™s doing and likes to play with his food, so to speak.
walk with me here.
he knows that a man with expensive taste already gets the ladies going. but a man with expensive taste AND in the kitchen? sir-
he will show every skill he has. baking, cooking, mixologyā€¦
and of course, some implied skills as well
he reads his comments ā€” especially the ones where the girlypops are horny on main. he doesnā€™t give af; he loves that shit. in fact, keep it coming
sensual music, low lighting, expensive clothesā€¦ heā€™s a man that gets it. he could get it. and he knows that.
i think his videos would be a combo of this page and this page if you can use your imagination
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Tamlin
tamlin is a hot ass, gentlemanly, mothafuckin cowboy and i will die on that hill ā€” donā€™t play with me
while some videos are very pg, very church-boy, very homegrownā€¦ there are also the shirtless, sweaty, pickup-truck ones
donā€™t lie. you know exactly what iā€™m talking about.
he is a built dude. he works all day in the sun, heā€™s very caring for his land and the animals that live on it, and when he realized the attention he got from filming himself doing simple things around the ranchā€¦
boy oh boy.
it started with simple things ā€” throwing hay bales, riding horseback, etcā€¦
but then he read his comments. people wanted more. the pretty ladies on the tik tok wanted more.
so he yanked off his shirt and jumped on the trends.
did he particularly like it? no. he didnā€™t like filming himself walking around his oversized pickup in just his jeans and boots, the sun kissing his skin over the rim of his hatā€¦
but what he did enjoy was the cuties in his DMs and all their sweet messages for him.
he was a countryman at heart, so naturally his page was filled with images of the great outdoors and him in it ā€” though many of his comments went unanswered. he was a bit shy, as social media wasnā€™t something he liked to use regularly
nonetheless, he did enjoy reading positive feedback after a long hard day of work
his feed would look a lil like this or THIS
ļ¾Ÿ:* āœ§
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forwards-beckon-rebound Ā· 2 months ago
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dick grayson instagram hcs
basics
we are pretending dick is not a cop in this because i said so!
he's a professional model but also does perform at a local circus as a special guest
he's not actually going to the olympics (yet) but the american team has been trying to contact him for the better part of the decade so maybe you can convince him to go
he's kind of like one of your friends who you think is chill and normal but then you go to their ig and you find out they're something of a local celebrity?
everybody in gotham already knew him as bruce wayne's son but also he went semi viral on tiktok and got a bunch of new fans (and some edits) out of it
he used to have a less serious pfp but his management convinced him to use this one instead
followers + following
obviously you're there
as well as his friends and family
he manages to get away with following the superheroes since i mean, basically everybody else does as well
also a lot of industry people that he meets, both for modeling and gymnastics/trapeze
highlights
he is an abuser of the story function
will spend any opportunity to brag about his pretty girlfriend and all of the dates and trips you guys go on
he is weirdly good at taking photos, will give you tips on how to pose to get your best angles
also he has a lot of fans so he likes to post a photo of you every once in a while to remind everyone that he's happily taken
will also repost your work related stuff to be like hey look at how cool my gf is at her job!
dude has a million highlights that he updates for the fashion weeks each year
a lot of photos of his looks, him meeting with certain designers, it's mostly his team who posts this
same thing with his shows in the sense that it's usually other people (including you) taking photos of him while he's performing
but this is a more personal venture of his so he asks everyone to send him the pics and he decides which ones to post
will also repost stories from fans who came to the show!
oooh this man posts the most jaw dropping photos of himself
he will have just woken up and post a photo that makes you think it's so unfair how perfect somebody can be
he just likes to post when he feels good about himself and i support!
haley and (i did not come up with a name for your guys' cat so you guys can have fun with that!) also have their own dedicated highlight
it is exactly as cute and wholesome as you would think it is
there are even more highlights if you keep on scrolling. he has highlights for each year's fashion weeks, as mentioned, as well as trips you guys have been on (the most recent is a trip to greece and italy!)
posts
once again he's one of those infuriating sort of famous people who are like fine as hell but they post just enough cute and relatable content that he actually seems like a real and very nice guy (fun fact, he is!)
you can tell immediately when he's been on a trip because he'll have at least 3 posts up and they're all of the same place
you guys are like the photo taking couple
if you weren't good at taking pics before you started dating, his skills definitely rub off on you
he'll do the thing where he gets you to pose for him so he can take a photo of you and then you take the same style of photo for him
it's disgusting you guys have matching photos on your feeds of each other
if it wasn't already common knowledge that you guys are dating, i can imagine the conspiracy theory videos being like guys they were in the same place? at the same time? and they took the same type of pics? i think they're dating
he loves cooking with you (while i personally think it would be really funny if he can't cook, in some of the comics they do mention that he can cook, but either way he enjoys cooking with you)
you guys are like the parent friends who host dinner at their place and there's usually a theme surrounding seasonal ingredients and everything's plated really well
you probably watch cooking shows together and are now you can't serve a dish without some microgreens or sliced radish on top or something
also yes he did plan the picnic and he's quite proud of it
he watched all of those charcuterie board hacks to make the flowers and fancy cheese arrangements
and there were chocolate dipped strawberries, champagne with glasses, and freshly baked cookies (alfred might have helped with that one)
also yes he does wear glasses!!!! only at home when he's reading or staring at a screen too long. his prescription's not that bad
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jason ver.
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