#mostly good natured but not really interested in running the church

[canisalbus]

Trying to imagine if the Pope in Machette's universe is, like, a Pomeranian, and thus shrinks down to a fraction of his original size when wet. Like it rains and everyone is like 'oh, Your Holiness. Oh no'

.

[lokh]

Im gonna need your like, whole musical rec list, bc literally every song you have posted has not flopped once, give me your faves i need to eat them

OUGHHH YOUVE UNLOCKED THE BEAST ARGSHHFHJDF....

in the interest of making this both easily accessible but not stretching the dashboard, im embedding bandcamp links when i can, otherwise linking to youtube when unavailable

in no particular order, inclusion based mostly on what im still actively into LMAO but also just things you should give a go at least once:

list of artist recommendations

zeal and ardor: described as a mix of african-american spirituals and black metal. try devil is fine, you aint coming back, wake of a nation or church burns

bloodywood: indian folk metal, literally nobody is doing it like them. recently featured in monkey man (2024), try chakh le, yaad or dana dan

stromae: if youve never heard any of his songs WHAT ARE YOU DOING..... incredible lyricist, described as a blend of hip hop/electronic. papaoutai made the rounds on tumblr a while back, but you should also try santé and l'enfer

alamat: pinoy pop. a youtube commenter described them as sounding like 2nd gen kpop which probably also explains why i took a shine to them LMAO, notable for the amount of filipino culture on display and the diversity thereof (singing in different languages, themes). first heard them thru kasmala either here or on twitter lmao, try aswang or maharani

andy bull: alt-pop. a lot of poppy and upbeat songs with a melancholic undertone imo. an australian artist, try it's all connected or keep on running

cosmo sheldrake: electronic, wikipedia also lists him as folktronica and baroque pop. you may have heard the song come along on an apple ad - hes known for sampling sounds from nature. pliocene for example features sounds from endangered ecosystems.

if you like cosmo sheldrake, you might like hidden orchestra (electronica, ambient). also making use of field recordings, i really love the archipelago mixtape but its a hard sell at about an hour lmao. if you like the following song then i implore you to give it a go

son lux: experimental, you may have heard from them in the entire soundtrack for everything everywhere all at once (!!!!!). try dangerous, dream state (brighter night) or live another life.

ammar 808: electronic/world fusion, also behind bargou 08 (folk rock you should also listen to). i just cant get ain essouda out of my head, but i also love geeta duniki

miyavi: j-rock, used to be a visual kei artist. these days he might be known more for anime openings like flashback (kokkoku) or other side (id:invaded), or for work like snakes in arcane (or actually inspiring and voicing a character in it), but ive always been partial to his early work like sukkyanen myv or ashita, genki ni naare

songs/albums

'threads' album by now, now (indie rock).

'dream to make believe' or 'what to do when you are dead' by armor for sleep (rock, emo). here's the truth about heaven from the latter album

i already posted about it but denzel curry's 13lood 1n + 13lood out mixx (rap, trap) is extremely good

the guilty gear soundtracks and im so serious im not fucking joking. different kinds of rock and metal and all sorts of influences put in, a genuine labor of love. xrd and earlier games are mainly instrumental with some vocal tracks (try give me a break or big blast sonic), while strive pretty much always includes vocals (of course i need to rec rock parade, but also try requiem. its genuinely hard for me to pick and choose lmao)

not an album and not an artist

coke studio pakistan and coke studio bangla knocking it out of the fucking park, im particularly a fan of harkalay and kotha koiyo na. you could try the other coke studios too (tamil, india, etc)

triple j like a version is when the radio station triple j brings in artists and has them do a cover of a song (artists choice). i liked denzel curry's cover of bulls on parade and flume's shooting stars (video for this one is incredible, man had a vision you just have to stick it out), but you get a lot of interesting interpretations like the wombats' running up that hill, gordi's in the end or, infamously. the wiggles' elephant

ive DEFINITELY missed out some, but thats what my music tag is for LMAO i hope someone discovers something they like here!!!!

[autisticandroids]

@pingnova replied to this post:

One of the things I like the most about your interpretations of spn and destiel is that they're both "bad people" and that's interesting. I was explaining to a friend how I loved some comedies bc all of the characters are "bad people" so when the slapstick and pettiness happens back and forth I can just laugh at all of them. it goes further for me (all humans are flawed and probably seem irredeemable and disgusting to someone else, no matter what). but I have never…

…been into interpretation that relies on characters being "right" or essentially perfect and sinless. I find drama between sinless characters utterly boring and contrived. I like characters that are messy and human. its a good reminder for me about myself and makes entertaining stories. sometimes when i talk about a character friends mistake me for criticizing them because I talk about their flaws. nah, I think it's great they're assholes. they're fictional, the only..

...place I want to deal w assholes in my life. stories are just complex bad people getting tangled with other complex bad people. my fave spn character outside cas is Meg, to the shock of many. I have given up explaining it to most people lol. "but she's bad!" yeah ok I thought it was hot? and kind of funny. I don't feel like explaining rn. 😅

oh thank you! this is something i always put a lot of thought into. like, one of the things that frustrates me about fandoms generally is i think the rough edges tend to get sanded off characters. like, some characters are vilified, yes, but that happens as a result of other characters getting herofied. like, if characters we're meant to like and root for can't be mean and self-serving and destructive, then to create conflict, one must invent flat, cartoonish villains to pit them against.

actually, as a sidenote, i was talking to @spriteofmushrooms on the phone the other day and trying to come up with a working definition of "darkfic" and we ended up deciding that it seems to mean "fic where characters are allowed to have unacceptable desires and motivations." and that's not exactly what it is, darkfic is hard to pin down, and it has some stylistic and genre conventions that are its own. for example, the first church at the end of the world by @withbloodstainedclothingon is a fic i love, and a really vicious and uncomfortable and vicious character study on both dean and cas (but especially dean). it is also unabashedly darkfic, and the reason it expresses the things it wants to express about cas through cas running like a misogynistic cannibalism sex cult is because one of the conventions of darkfic is a kind of aggressive edginess. that isn't a criticism, it's just saying that had the fic been working in a different genre, the author might have chosen a different method. or another example, my fic i fold in half so easily and @twoheadedcas' fic samson went back to bed are both kind of similar in various ways. they're both attempts to take late seasons canon seriously, attempts to reconcile with the position cas is in re: dean and jack in the late seasons, and attempts to put cas through a meat grinder. and they're both, i would say, darkfic. i know for a fact i didn't really start out with ifihse intending to write darkfic, and while melanie (hiiiii) might correct me here, there's a good chance they didn't either while writing swbtb. these are just the places one is naturally led to when engaging with the late seasons seriously. but there's a big difference between ifihse and swbtb in terms of: i am, on the balance, a darkfic writer. a lot of my fic is out and out darkfic, and even when it's not it tends to contain darkfic stylistic habits. @twoheadedcas has written a bit of darkfic in their tenure, but on the balance, they mostly write non-darkfic. so if you compare ifihse to swbtb, despite their tonal similarities, and despite the fact that both were written (in my opinion) primarily as pure reactions to canon, ifihse has some of the hallmarks of being a darkfic (in particular the emphasis on cas' erotic pleasure and his discomfort/ambivalence about it; darkfic tends to be even smuttier than normal fanfics and that smut tends to be both kinkier and more inclined to play with the lines of emotional comfort and consent), while swbtb has some of the hallmarks of being a non-darkfic (the best example is dean and cas sharing a sweet almost kiss in the middle, which is absolutely a classic destiel fic thing). this is actually one of my favorite things about samson went back to bed: in darkfic that is written to be darkfic, no matter how seriously and genuinely it engages with canon and the characters, there will always be the feeling that there is a finger on the scale, tilting characters to be just a little nastier, grosser, more evil. but non-darkfic is usually skewed the other way: the characters are skewed to be more comfortable and palatable. by aligning itself with non-darkfic, samson went back to bed legitimizes the dark interpretation of canon it presents by saying "i am not skewing things to be worse. i might even be skewing things to be better. and yet we're still here." which i think is cool.

but that's kind of the crux of the thing, isn't it? most darkfic is just a twisted mirror of most non-darkfic. instead of flattening characters to be better than they are, making them paragons of virtue, it flattens them to be worse than they are, making them cartoon villains. obviously, this isn't true of all darkfic, i am a great enjoyer of darkfic and frequently write it myself. there's plenty of good darkfic out there. but if sturgeon's law applies double to fanfic, it applies triple to darkfic. and i think it's because there is this inability, in fandom, to imagine that these beloved characters could be bad people. which means that non-darkfic tends to portray them as flat heroic figures. but it also means that darkfic tends to start from the premise "haha what if (character) was EVIL" rather than recognizing the ways they already kind of are (and the ways in which they are good, as well). both non-darkfic and darkfic frequently hold this black and white mindset, it's just a lot clearer in darkfic because darkfic always sets out to engage with darkness, whereas a lot of non-darkfic is just about things other than whether characters are "good" or "bad," and even when it's about characters' morality, it's usually less contrary to the canon, so there isn't as much emphasis on it or time spent contemplating it. so it's less in your face.

but yeah. i put a lot of work into taking the characters of supernatural seriously as complex and morally suspect people. that's what's fun to me. i find the other way kinda boring. i'm glad you enjoy what i'm selling :3.

(for some supplemental reading check out this post by @astermacguffin)

[19thperson]

19th Steam Next Fest Impressions - Day 5

Day 0/Day 1/Day 2/Day 3/Day 4

Hollowbody

Silent Hill 2 but sci-fi. Not to beconfused with the other Silent Hill 2 but sci-fi.

It's a flying car future and your flying car crashes you into a long abandoned town covered with a Mystery Grey Substance and a lot of dead people, some of them not all the way dead.

The game then tells you to go into a decrepit apartment complex. Just like Silent Hill 2.

The game has both tank controls and contextual direction control. I have unfortunately betrayed the church of tank controls. It felt more intuitive, and the game didn't consistently use hyperspecific camera angles enough to bother.

Has a legitimately creepy atmosphere, and the combat controls run the line between intentionally awkward without being infuriating. Which makes one last decision baffling.

If there's enemies nearby, you can't enter doors or use key items. So it feels like the game's structure is encouraging combat that its mechanics are discouraging.

Hoping that this is either a specific quirk to that one encounter/demo, or I was just somehow missing the prompt.

Arranger

Puzzle adventure game. The protagonist, Jemma, instead of moving normally, moves the entire row/column of tiles, and whatever else is on it, with her. She can also wrap around the edges of a path. Easier to explain in images than words...

the puzzles that come from this are pretty good so far. Arrange a sword to push into a monster's face, or placing weights on buttons and then trying to find a way to move that doesn't dislodge the button weight you just placed. Trying to maneuver around the few objects that can't be moved by you. And the trailer suggests they have a lot more to add to these building blocks.

I really like the presentation, especially the trick of having comic panels floating in the background to show details/movement that can't be shown with the sprite art.

I Was Lost

It's almost unfair that I played this right after the incredibly well done Arranger.

A simple maze game where you can re-arrange certain parts of the maze, with the gimmick being that the levels form poetry.

Alone as a puzzle it's... fine. Had a couple head scratchers.

Problem is that the poem it forms is specific to the demo. Whose meaning is "this is just a demonstration of something." So the poetry is the means for this game to generate pathos and they've already undercut it.

Hopefully the final game will have something to actually say, and do something interesting with the game mechanic. Because the demo doesn't.

Anyways, wishlist Arranger. And play Void Stranger.

Nekokami - The Human Restoration Project

A Dorfromantik-like, where you play as far future space cats, using their advanced technology and the borrowed power of nature spirits to try and resurrect their long extinct servants: Humanity.

Dorfromantik was fun but also kinda lost its novelty after a while. And a lot of successors look like they fall in the same pitfall. This game does some stuff to offset that.

The plot is mostly fluff and has some awkward "this was definitely translated" wording, but it's still nice to feel like something is progressing. Each level also has different win conditions, like having multiple fully leveled up flower fields.

I also like the kami-storm system. Midway through a level, a powerful kami will appear and change the rules somehow. The family kami will drop her kittens off for you to babysit and the little fuckers will laze around making certain edges unusable. the rain kami causes water tiles to appear more often as well as setting up little "rain bombs" that'll fill areas with water unless defused by placing a tile over. Stuff like that.

Lastly, it introduces two conflicting scoring systems: population and kami approval. Anything that ups the human population will displace nature and leave less room for kami, and you need to balance those at the same time.

Its interesting. Not mind-blowing but interesting.

[anniacal]

Octopath Traveler 2 is Finished

So, we just beat Octopath Traveler 2, and there are SO many thoughts to run through. As a start, this is the only sequel we've ever seen that is OBJECTIVELY better than the original game. Everything you may have enjoyed about the Octopath concept is enhanced and iterated upon, and most of the original criticisms are mostly or completely gone. The day/night system may be the most involved use of a day/night concept in any game. SO MUCH revolves around this system in story, theming, and of course gameplay.

So we decided to choose Castti, the Apothecary as our protagonist. We started with Ophelia in the first game, and it was enjoyable having a healer as a protagonist. At face value, Castti appealed to us more than Temenos, the Cleric.

This was our introduction to the new mechanic of this game: Latent Power. It's your standard JRPG "take damage and do good thing to fill gauge" mechanic, and they're specifically tailored to each character. They are as follows: Ochette - Choice of 1 of 3 super moves

Castti - Concoct without using any materials

Throné - Perform a second action within the same turn

Osvald - Transform a multi-hit spell into a single-hit spell with increased damage.

Partitio - Instantly gain a full 5 BP

Agnea - Transform a single-target attack or buff into a multi-target

Temenos - Make every hit for that turn reduce the enemy's shield points towards a break, regardless of the attack type

Hikari - Choice of 1 of 3 super moves (very different from Ochette's)

Several base class move-sets have been altered to fuse previous skills and create more options overall. For example, Apothecary's single heal and single revive skills have been combined into one skill. Scholar by far got the biggest buff. All hit counts of each element are contained in the same 3 skills with 2 other skills enhancing them to 2 or 3 hits. The divine skill in Octopath 1 also became Osvald's latent power in 2. This opens up room for 2 brand new skills: Elemental Barrage and Stroke of Genius, both providing Scholars with way more versatility.

(Images taken from the Octopath Fandom Wiki)

The 8 individual main stories (Octopaths if you will) are way more interesting and less predictable than their original counterparts. None of them have the original game's predictable 4 act structure with 3 McGuffins to take/kill/find. The premises and introductions of the Paths alone are a huge upgrade. As an example, compare Ophelia to Temenos, the Clerics of each game. Ophelia's premise is simply a pilgrimage to various churches with some heresy sprinkled in along the way. Temenos' on the other hand, involves a whole Sherlock-Holmes-esque murder mystery led by a cleric who prioritizes doubt, scoffs at others' claims of his supposed heresy, and provides fascinating insight on the nature of being religious, all with a healthy dose of sass.

The other major criticism that was thankfully averted was the lack of party interaction. A JRPG party barely interacting with each other is frankly a baffling decision. The original 8 Travelers didn't so much as have a voice-acted line addressing any other Traveler. Octopath 2 resolves this issue in several ways, most obviously with inter-battle banter similar to Xenoblade. It's amazing how much these details make the party feel so much more like a group of friends. It's so nice to hear Agnea say "Great job, Osvald!" when Osvald breaks an enemy, or Castti shout "Ochette!" when Ochette gets hit for a massive chunk of damage right before Castti's turn. They didn't stop there, however. They also introduced more main story content in the form of "Crossed Paths".

The Crossed Paths involve certain duos having a chapter between the 2 of them with all that tasty party interaction you've been craving. Sadly, there are only 4 storylines of crossed paths, but frankly, this 100-hour experience is packed as is. We didn't really crave more party interaction by the end of it all.

Overall, this was a fabulous experience. Way better than the 1st game, and easily our favorite game of 2023. We will be eagerly anticipating a potential Octopath 3.

[balapann-blog]

Day 28 - 3 October - Avanos (Cappadocia)

Woke up at 5! To get our taxi to the place where the hot air balloons take off from. We thought about getting a flight but they were like £400 each because there had not been flights for the few days before. But seeing them take off as the sun rose was pretty magical in the landscape. Cappadocia has these crazy rock formations due to the fact the rock is sedimentary rock formed by volcanic ash, topped with later basalt on top from subsequent eruptions. The whole landscape has these pillars and valleys that are very striking. He other really amazing thing is all the cave houses that have been built by peoples in the area all the time from the Hittites and later by early Christians and Greek communities.

Our fomo was lessened when the balloons seemed to land almost as soon as they took off, some before we even left the take off area. There were so many people taking ridiculous photos, such as in the back of classic convertibles, in their wedding dresses or my personal favourite; a guy who drove up late when most of the balloons were gone and then got his girlfriend to take a video of him doing MMA and boxing moves with the balloons in the background. I wasn’t sure what this meant for modern masculinity but it seemed significant.

We then went to Goreme Open Air Museum which was walking distance from Goreme town (itself walking distance from where the balloons took off). It was very expensive and I saw in reviews very crowded it’s tours. We were there so early though and managed to walk around in a not so packed atmosphere. The museum is of an old monastery complex with some amazing stone churches carved into the rock. They had really interesting frescos in the churches, all of them quite damaged. Some of them had been restored and were really nice. The museum is a unesco world heritage site but had been restored in some places in quite a haphazard way. One church was best preserves because it had less natural light and was restored but you had to pay another 6 euro to go in there (worth it considering it was by far the best thing and the entrance was 20 euro).

After this we walked down to Goreme and had a really average and expensive meal (I think this is what Goreme is) and then went to the post office to post our massive backlog of post cards. We then walked down and walked the ‘Love Valley’ trail which had some ‘interesting looking’ rock formations and a path that followed the river that runs through the valley in the winter. It was hot and we met lots of different people either going the opposite way or as we past them. I had my trusty light scarf that I got in India that managed to keep me mostly shaded, with factor 50 doing the rest.

We then got to Uchisar which has Uchisar Castle the highest point in Cappadocia which is an amazing pointed rock with a castle dug into it in true Cappadocia fashion. On the way we got a coke which then gave me a massive sugar low. I then got a delicious gozleme that was in the lower bit of the castle which sorted me out. It was so good we both got one on the way down (mine had the very strong blue cheese in it).

We then took a local bus back to our town and went to the same wine bar (like locals). There is a massive colony of starlings that live in the trees by the river which come back to roost in an endless murmuration. It seemed that there are french locals who live in Avanos and drink there each night, they even have a dog. The wine is delicious the first night we had white and the second red. We then got a chicken shish on the way home and went to bed as we were very tired.

Where we ate - Chef Kebap, Akdeniz Kebap Salonu

What we liked - The second place Akdeiz was grand - chicken shish

Day 29 - 4 October - Avanos (Cappadocia)

We had booked a ‘Green Tour’ for the day. It seems that there are 3 tours of Cappadocia, red, green and blue. We had basically done a red tour the day before ourselves but a green was more difficult to do because it required more driving. We had a delicious breakfast in the garden of our hotel, the highlight was cigarillo burek. We took some walnut pastries from breakfast to eat during the day, and then got picked up about 9.15. The tour was with other people and we went around in a mini bus collecting other people, such as a French couple, a few Aussies, a few Chinese people and a few Americans.

The tour consisted initially in taking us to a few panoramas and giving us time to take pictures, and then in classic tourist trap tour fashion, taking us to a gemstone and jewlery shop, giving us a quick chat about the stuff they have for sale and then offering us 20% off rrp. We then went to this random volcanic lake and then for lunch in the village in the Ihlara Valley. This village was right on the river that ran through it and had lots of ruined stone houses, like lots of Cappadocia, which I think were houses of Cappadocian Greeks who were forcibly moved or killed using the violence in and following the First World War and the Greek/Turkish war.

I started reading this journal article about it as the ruins of these houses seem to be everywhere and it is never really spoken about. All the references to Christians and Greek Christians in tours and in the museums is always Byzantine and they speak about how old all the settlements are without speaking about how many were in use all the way up to the 1920s. We then went to this amazing underground city which was about 5 or 6 stories down and carved into the rock. This city was not completely abandoned until 1923, and was used as a hiding place when the community was being attacked. Most houses in the town had a connection to the complex from a tunnel from their basement.

We then went back to the town via another tourist trap shop that did food and cosmetics. They did give us lots of tasters and we bought some menthol and rose oil. On the way back we passed another ruined town called Gore which had loads of stone building ruined on the side of a hill. The bus then dropped us back at the hotel. We then went to the wine bar again and then or dinner.

Where we ate - Random tourist trap restaurant, Gonul Sofrasi

What we liked - Gonul was okay, haven’t been that impressed with Cappadocia food tbh

Day 30 - 5 October - Avanos (Cappadocia) > Kayseri > Dogu Express

Woke up and went for a run to the bus station along the river to check bus times to Kayseri. We are going there to pick up the Dogu Express from there but it doesn’t go till 1am (if it is on time) so we have got a hotel for the evening very close to the station. Because we booked late, we are not in the same couchette, as unless you book out a whole one, we can only go in single sex rooms (we had this on the night bus last year to Istanbul where you could not book a seat beside someone of the opposite sex unless you book together).

We had breakfast in the garden again. It was delicious again which had this lovely pastry with tahini in it called yorosel? We also had apricots preserved in honey which was amazing. The garden is very nice and has beautiful trees in it. We checked out of the hotel but left our bags there, they have a wedding in the garden this afternoon which they invited us to but i think we are going to leave them to it.

We then walked to a cafe on the river and sat at a cafe doing some planning and relaxing. If I was coming to Cappadocia again I would definitely stay in Avanos again, it feels more like a normal town and has nice paths by the river lined with willow trees. It also doesn’t feel as tourist trappy as the other towns we went to. They are currently rebuilding the main bridge in the town which seemed to have broken and the main way across is across this wobbly suspension foot bridge.

We walked round the town trying to stay in the shade as it was roasting, we by chance stumbled upon this really nice restaurant called Gloria Tas Ev, which was hands own the best food we had in Cappadocia. It did the same things as the other places for the same price but was one so much better. It was also in a cave house so was much cooler. We then went off to the hotel to collect our bags, the wedding was in full swing and there was a band playing. The owners who were very sweet insisted that we dance so we did! Their dance moves aligned quite well with mine, just lots of clapping and putting your hands in the air.

We then walked to our bus with all our stuff over the wobbly bridge which was actually very difficult and caught the bus which absolutely bombed to Kayseri. We then took a taxi to the hotel we have for the evening and went for a walk into town. Kayseri is a very buzzy town with lots going on! We had a drink in a cafe inside the old citadel walls, and then went for some delicious rotisserie chicken and rice. We got some final supplies for the Dogu, including going to this amazing bakery and baklava place on one of the main streets. We got lots of nice bread and I got some baklava and it came to about £4 total which in London would have been 4x the price! We are now chilling in the hotel waiting to get the Dogu.

[eccleraprisma]

thinking about prayer and environment when a storm blew through yesterday evening. why people pray differently and in different environments, why do some people like and dislike praying in certain places more than others

some people prefer to pray alone. for me its easiest to meditate on the divine or a force of nature when im by myself and i think its because im in my head a lot. its easier to think about what you want to contemplate when no one else is around unless im really comfortable with that person's presence. from a background where prayers are usually said verbally and a lot of the time in a circle where people usually give signs of agreement during the prayer (mhs and yes lords) its surprising to me that i dont like that kind of prayer environment. after some close examination of myself i think its because i enjoy the quiet overall. even though that kind of prayer is a part of my culture i was raised away from 'the church' as in not inside it every sunday so maybe thats another reason. i had plenty of time to develop my own spiritual feelings without as much of other's input. another is that i need quiet time to function or i'll loose my mind. and for me a lot of my prayer is quiet reverence. something like grounding. reflection. theres no words most of the time its just a feeling that lasts a few moments

some people are also physically still when they pray or they might move around a lot. i like moving around a lot but i dont vibe the moving around a lot prayers, at least not a lot of constant movement. prayers where theres bowing and kneeling are interesting to me, ive never done them so i dont know how i'd feel about them. closing my eyes and bowing my head always felt awkward to me for some reason though, like why do we need to close our eyes to pray? i was that person that looked around at everyone else when they all had their eyes closed. when im experiencing reverence with some kind of movement like swaying unconsciously and stimming its not formal or anything but i can see why people would love the physical rhythm of prayer with structure

loud music is both a hell no and hell yes for me? the less upbeat music or just stuff from my playlist that makes me feel spiritual is better than in your face loud as hell upbeat music for worship for me. that feels intrusive and overwhelming. loud music in my headphones to drown out everything else and feel the music in my body is another story. less overt instrumentals and more vocals is somewhere in the goldilocks zone of whether i'll feel connected enough with a song to feel that way about it. they need to compliment and harmonize with each other. hymn choir music that was the precursor to gospel (low country singing) from my culture is the kind of spiritual music i take over the gospel with instruments and lots of shouting but i dont want to say shouting is bad. its not its amazing but its not for me. the repeated lyrics and stomping and clapping to a rhythm is really good. i absolutely do think music and singing can be prayer

another kind of music is natural sounds. rain falling wind moving through the trees bird song crickets water running. those sounds are like prayers all on their own. i love those the most and feel most grounded when im experiencing them. i think its mostly because i feel that way when im in nature and associate those sounds with tranquility and my own spirituality

[jaceeverett]

MERROCK TASK #19 THE TINIEST DETAILS

do they drive? if so, do they enjoy driving or do they hate it? or somewhere in between? He does. Jace has never really been into cars all that much, but he doesn't mind driving. Hitting a long, open road with the windows down is pretty nice, so he'd say yeah, he likes to drive.

if they drive, where is their favorite location to drive to? Definitely through the countryside; Jason likes those roads that have so many curves and hills that you feel like you're on a rollercoaster.

if they drive, do they own a vehicle? if so, what make and model? He drives a 2000 everglade Jeep Grand Cherokee that's been carefully maintained through the years.

what bumper stickers do they have on their car? There are a lot of bumper stickers on his jeep -- they're mostly all to do with state parks, a few about nature, he has a couple of those bragging ones about running half marathons, too.

what paintings and/or posters are on their walls? There's really no room on his walls for paintings or posters.

what is a song they listen to with the windows rolled down, turned all the way up, on the highway? Anything by Zach Bryan, some Caamp, a little Noah Kahan, he's been known to absolutely blast Hozier, too. Take Me to Church got scream-sang a lot in the ole jeep back in the day.

is there an artform they’ve always wanted to try (glassblowing, woodworking, painting, ect) but never have? if so, what about that artform speaks to them? Slowly, but surely, he's been teaching himself wood carving. It's not something he thinks he would ever do professionally, but he'd love to make little figurines for his nieces and nephews. Given that he lives in the forest, surrounded by wood, it just makes sense to use what nature can't.

what time of day do they usually start getting sleepy? That entirely depends on the day, but he's normally turned in around ten, unless it's a work night at the station. But if he's keyed up, sometimes he won't get tired until one, two in the morning.

do they catch a second wind? if so, what is their method for catching it (napping, drinking coffee, exercising, ect)? Exercising for a second wind, absolutely. Head outside and go take a brisk run, or do some sit-ups or crunches, or push-ups, just to get the heart moving and blood flowing.

are they a nap person? if so, how long are their naps? do they set a 20 minute timer and wake up before it? or set no timer and wake up in the middle of the night? Not a nap person at all, no. He's too busy to nap, and if he does have downtime, he'd rather spend it meditating or drawing, or doing something else that centers him without making him wake up feeling like a slug.

what is the most obscure book they’ve read? The Drunken Botanist.

what is a book that interested them so much they took it with them to the bathroom? When he was younger, he had a lot of books about state parks, and sometimes he would get so into them, that he would just drag them all over the house with him. Including into the bathroom.

what did the air smell like during their childhood? Saltwater. That's the most specific thing that Jace can remember about growing up in Maine, but Merrock-specific, he can remember freshly baked bread from Flour Co., the distinct smoky smell that stuck to his clothes after a night at a bonfire party in the woods, florals in the spring, and that earthen smell after a good rain.

what is a core memory from their childhood that they look back on fondly and for comfort? Any time that he got to be with all of his siblings at once; Christmas mornings, Easter dinners, late nights of summer vacation, playing outside until the sun went down.

when was the last time they were held, and truly held, for several minutes? who was it with? It's been longer than he can remember. Jason's more of the stoic type; he still to this day hasn't talked very openly with his family about things that he endured in the military, or a lot of details about his life afterwards. There was one man, when he was living out west, that he went on a date or two with, and they had gotten really close, which was probably the closest he had gotten to being 'held' or comforted in any way.

do they meditate? if not, have they ever tried? how did it go? Yes. It's normally a part of his morning routine when he has the time, and sometimes late at night, too.

how many pennies and quarters do they have in their couch? None.

how dusty is their home? spotless, lived-in, dust bunny haven? Annabelle Lee is spotless. Chalk it up to his military life, but Jason keeps his space neat and tidy. The bed is always made and tucked away, counter tops cleaned off, dishes done, there's very rarely a time when anything is out of place.

what is their favorite chocolate bar? Milky Way!

do they like their brownies fudgy or cakey? or not at all, and only want the crusts? The crusts are the best part, but he'd never say no to a brownie that's given to him, no matter how it's made.

what's that one weird food combination that everyone else thinks is gross but they think is delicious? Lobster rolls always bring about such a controversy, and although he likes the Connecticut version, he grew up thinking the Maine ones were the bee's knees, but he is well aware that cold lobster and mayo gross a lot of people out.

where do they put their shoes when they come home from a long day? Where they belong. There's a box just outside of the camper that he keeps his muddy work shoes in, and then if he's wearing his lighter boots, or sneakers, they go into the cabinet where they're kept until the next time he puts them on.

after a vacation, do they immediately unpack or slowly retrieve items from their suitcase until its empty? Unpack immediately. He doesn't really have the space to have things just sort of sitting around the camper.

how often do they do self-reflection? If self-reflection implies any kind of thinking about oneself, then... a lot. Jason is the kind of person that lives in his head way, way too much.

are they more afraid of being alone with themselves or with others? With others. He's genuinely used to being on his own, and alone with himself, and has learned how to deal with it.

have they ever had a near death experience? if so, what was it? Being in the military basically is a near death experience, from start to finish. But Jason had two close calls in his life -- he was hit with shrapnel that damaged both legs and caused him to have surgery on his knee, and was shot in the back of the head/neck area (thankfully, no long-term damage).

out of all the subjects in school, which was their favorite? which one did they excel at? Science, absolutely. He loved figuring out why the earth and the skies and nature worked the way that they did. He also excelled in art class.

how many alarms do they have set on their phone? what is their alarm ringtone? Just the one, and it beeps. He's the kind of person that the moment that he wakes up, he's awake, period.

do they fart in front of other people? or do they hide their farts? Well, the deer and the squirrels don't really mind, but Jason's not the kind of person to just walk around farting in front of his friends or family, either, no.

do they have to see any specialist doctors? if so, do they have a strong bond with their doctor or do they dislike them? There have been a lot through the years, for his various injuries, and he has seen a number of psychologists and therapists, counselors once he got out of the military. Physical therapists, too. He's never cared one way or the other, as long as he felt they were doing their job.

what is their favorite seasoning? That's a tough one... it would depend on what he's making, but he likes mixes that encompass a lot of flavors into one. (Less cabinet space, too.)

what is their favorite sauce? Any sort of sauce that involves lemon, to be honest. Goes great with seafood.

how spicy is spicy for them? (pepper, jalepeno, ghost pepper, ect) Jason will try spicy, but he's not a huge fan of it. Keep it at a mild level and he'll do just fine!

how long do they let the dishes go unwashed? They don't; every dish he uses that day is washed and put away by the end of the night, if not right after he uses it.

how much laundry do they accumulate before doing it? That's a little more tricky. Right now, Jason doesn't have the room for a washer/dryer in his house. But during the warm months, there are some things that he will hand wash himself and hang out on the line to dry. Everything else gets loaded up and taken into Get Clean about once a week to do a couple of loads.

what shampoo, conditioner, cologne/perfume and deodorant do they use? Admittedly... he does use a lot of those 'all in one' things, since he doesn't have a ton of room for beauty products. But he makes sure to use good ones, that he's done research on. As far as cologne, he doesn't wear a ton of it and will just buy a spray when he's out. But he does use a lot of natural, aluminum-free deodorant, too!

[delphadae]

Ramblings about my faith, deconstruction, reconstruction

For some reason, I feel like rambling about this topic. I'll put it under a "Read More" line, because I know talks of religion is not everyone's cup of tea (Especially since the blog is mostly catered to silly things that makes me happy <3 ).

Ever since I vaguely understood what religion/beliefs/concept of God was, I was a believer. I believed in God (I imagined Him as a giant star in Heaven that could only be reached by a big spiraling set of stairs). I enjoyed going to church (which is weird, because most kids seem to find church boring). The weird thing that sticks out to me when I reminisce on my beliefs as a child is this: For the most part, I didn't see God as judgmental or wrathful. The only bible stories that really stuck in my brain were ones such as "The Good Samaritan" , "Feeding of the 5000", "The Lost Sheep Parable" (and of course, things like Jesus's birth, Jonah, etc.. But the ones that I really kept in my heart were ones that were about compassion, love, etc"). I didn't grow up in a strict Christian household (and even though we believed/were taught the Bible, it wasn't the very center of our lives).

I didn't truly learn/understand the meaning behind concepts of Hell, judgement, wrath, etc until I became a teenager. An old friend from middle school invited me to their youth group (which was located in a small, legalistic Baptist church). After attending for a brief period of time, I didn't return until I was 14 (10th grade). At the time, I reconnected with an old friend via Facebook (who invited me to another youth group lol), and there was a lot of turmoil going on in my family...So I gravitated back to church (the evangelical kind).

Between the ages of 14 to 20, I was a "super Christian/Jesus freak". I was constantly worrying about my friends' salvation, and trying to muster up courage to evangelize. My non-Christian friends were initially confused by my sudden interest in God and Jesus, but thankfully they still stuck around (Sorry if things were awkward back then ^^;; ). I fully believed that if you didn't pray "the sinner's prayer", that you would go to Hell. I believed in the Rapture/end-times told in a very specific interpretation of Revelations. I was confused about topics like lgbtqia+ rights (because the church told me that "it was wrong", but despite my strong beliefs, I really struggled with believing in that), and evolution (unfortunately, I was among the young-earth/creationist crowd lol I am NOT a YEC). I believed that m*sturbation was a sin, and I CONSTANTLY journaled/prayed to God about it, asking Him to forgive me (Which is so sad...Because it's a natural and normal thing!)

In 2011, I also really struggled with depression, s*icidal thoughts, and thoughts of s*lf harm (due to family circumstances and loneliness). At the time, I fully believed that it was Satan tempting me to harm myself and the "seed of unforgiveness for my dad" causing this depression. I was fully entrenched in the idea of spiritual warfare. (I don't necessarily NOT believe it now..but looking back on this situation, I was a teenager struggling with my parents' separation/failing marriage, self esteem issues, and typical teenage stuff. Mental illness also runs in my family, and this was the beginning of the more serious aspects of that :/ I was not in therapy to help navigate this incredibly difficult time, and i struggled with handling my emotions too. It was basically disaster in a picnic basket ).

The first seeds of deconstruction were sown during my second/third year of college. I developed a crush on a non-Christian, and we started dating -gasp-. At the time, I believed that Christians should only date other Christians, and me "succumbing to my temptations" had me believe that my faith/beliefs weren't as strong as I thought. Throughout the rest of college (excluding last semester), I wrestled with guilt, shame, and slowly began my deconstruction of faith. Eventually, this relationship ended, and after a brief/sudden end to a budding relationship at the end of my last semester, I decided to start attending church with a family I was friends with (They are now my in-laws lol). I was hoping to rekindle the spark that I once had during my teenage years, but it never came.

Eventually, I married my best friend. <3 He grew up in a conservative/evangelical Christian household, and his faith is very important to him. Honestly, if it wasn't for him, I would've abandoned my faith long ago.. However, he also encouraged me to explore different aspects of Christian faith rather than abandoning it altogether. So that is what I did.

Within the last 2 years, I start deconstructing hardcore. It was incredibly painful and confusing... At times, I doubted whether or not I really wanted to call myself a Christian.. along with my own personal struggles of belief, I hated how the church treated the lgbtqia+ community, how the church treated the pandemic, how many churches worshipped Trump and conservative politics (I haven't read it yet, but there is a book called Jesus and John Wayne. It's about how conservatism and evangelical/fundamentalist Christianity became one in The United States. Their history is interwoven and influence each other). I learned over time that not all churches are like this (such as Episcopal churches and certain branches of Methodist churches). However, I felt (and still feel) very isolated and alone in the Christian community I'm apart of. My convictions and view towards certain topics (both political and religious) grow more apart from evangelism than ever before.

During my deconstruction, I delved into two different aspects of Christianity that I never did before.. Christian witchcraft/Christian mysticism, and Catholicism/Catholic folk magic. I haven't developed an actual habit of practicing either of those things longterm, but I'm still thankful for doing so. They both have a connection to eachother.

I've always been interested in witchcraft and magic. Magic has been part of my childhood for as long as I can remember (Thankfully, my parents weren't those Christians that banned Harry Potter, Pokemon, Dragon Tales, etc in the house. They allowed my siblings and I's imaginations to grow and develop freely.. I am eternally grateful for that!). During the height of my deconstruction, one of my very close friends started to openly practice witchcraft (She calls herself Wiccan, which..I know there are negative associations with Wiccanism. However, this is not the blog post to discuss that!). She would invite us to holidays that were in the Wheel of the Year (Samhein, Yule, Ostara, etc). My friend and my mom's neighbor (who is also a witch and does magic), opened the doors to witchcraft. I was exposed to their spells, crystals, various deities and rituals. It was/is honestly fascinating and a breath of fresh air to me.

In the Christian spaces I was a part of, magic, paganism, witchcraft, etc was a huge NO NO. The families and teenagers that I would interact with at youth group often had a negative reaction to anything remotely magical (I remember being baffled that people in youth group never watched Harry Potter lol. I know HP and JK Rowling has its own issues, but that is a completely separate topic. ). To this day, my mother-in-law (who I love dearly), hates Halloween and refuses to watch anything with magic in it. Needless to say, when I first discovered Christian witchcraft/mysticism, I had to keep myself "in the broom closet" (Even to my own husband.. However, I may finally spill the beans to him by sharing this blog post to him lol).

As I did research on Christian witchcraft, I learned that a lot of rituals and practices within the Catholic Church and early Christianity fall in this category (whether or not Catholics will admit/agree to this is a whole different issue lol). I learned that witchcraft is simply that - a CRAFT. You can be a Christian witch, a Jewish witch, a Muslim witch, even an atheist witch! (Of course, there is more nuance and such, but this blog post is long enough as it is...And I can't personally speak for other religions and witchcraft...just my own). Two HUGE inspirations/guidance that I've gotten from this topic is Sara Ratzresen and Chaotic Witch Aunt. (Sara is a Christian Witch and author/writer. Chaotic Witch Aunt/Frankie is a folk witch and practitioner of Italian-American folk magic). They have their own Youtube channels (click their names on this post to be redirected there).

I've dabbled in magic on and off for the past 2 years, but I haven't been able to form a habit of it (yet). My magic rituals mostly take form in mundane tasks (such as cleaning/cleansing the apartment, cooking, etc). I was doing tarot readings every morning for awhile, and I LOVED IT. I used Tarot as a way to talk to God, and also for self-reflection. I currently have two tarot decks: The Modern Witch Tarot Deck (Which I LOOOVEE. However, I don't use the booklet that comes with it.. Instead I use sites like Biddy Tarot to help me interpret readings). I also have a "Kawaii Deck", but I haven't been able to connect with it yet, and I'm convinced that it either hates me or that it likes to be very mean lol. I really need to start doing Tarot again. :(

Delving into Christian witchcraft eventually led me into learning/starting ancestral work/veneration...Which led into some Catholic practices. (mainly praying the rosary and attempting to do a novena lol). My mom's side of the family/my Portuguese ancestry is steeped in Catholicism. My vovou/grandma was a devout Catholic. Despite my mom denouncing Catholicism after Vovou passed away, she still kept certain aspects of her previous faith (such as having a statue of Lady Fatima in her bedroom, lighting candles before praying, etc...Those things always stuck with me). Even though I don't ever plan on becoming Catholic (due to doctrinal, political, and historical issues with the Catholic church), I want to start going to Mass someday (still haven't done that yet... ._.;;).

My mom's side of the family is almost a complete mystery to me. By delving into my Catholic roots, I hope(d) to find a connection with my Portuguese roots. I have made a small altar for my Vovou a few times (made coffee for her, played traditional Portuguese fado music, attempted to pray the rosary in Portuguese, etc. I did feel her presence, in the tiniest of ways.. It's hard to explain). Unfortunately, I've also fallen out of this practice, but I hope to bring it back up soon x.x

I actually have a separate tumblr blog for Christian witchcraft, Portuguese stuff, etc! --> https://raphaela-a-bruxa.tumblr.com/ (Note: I'M STILL IN THE BROOM CLOSET. So please respect my privacy in that space).

So what are my beliefs currently? Well...

I still believe in God and Jesus, saints, angels, etc.

The Bible IS NOT infallible (many books spanning 1000's of years and translated many times since then...I could go MUCH further into this topic, but I don't want to in this blog post).

The Earth is not 6000 years old

The Rapture is not going to happen and Revelations is a book made within the historical context of its time

Not sure my exact thought on Hell and still deconstructing that, but I guess I fall on the realm of "Jesus died for us, and that is EVERYONE. not just those who pray a "sinner's prayer". You can be the most anti-Jesus person ever, and you still won't go to Hell.

I'm not sure how I feel about the really shitty things in the Bible (death, g*nocide, etc..). My only explanation thus far is that the Bible was written by humans, and was influenced by the people/culture/politics of its time (which goes back to the point of "the bible isnt infallible").

God can show Himself in many different avenues (whether different religions, beliefs, experiences, etc)

Magic and Christianity can coexist (along with other religions)

No matter how confused I feel about my beliefs at time, my main belief/priority is to love others as Jesus does, advocate for the oppressed and poor, and make the world a better place.

Science should be trusted, and believing in science is not anti-christian (or anti-religion. Honestly, I view them as completely seperate).

There a lot of unanswered questions that I still have. And my beliefs are evolving. But despite my doubts, I'm happy and proud that I'm allowing myself to explore different beliefs and thoughts. we aren't meant to stay stagnant, and that definitely applies to our beliefs too. We must think critically of them too.

If you made it this far, Thank you so much for reading!!! ;__;

If you're going to comment or message me something mean, negative, and/or in the realm of "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!" "The bible is the ONLY way!!" (or some other evangelical/fundie response to deconstruction posts), I'm deleting it and blocking you. (I'm not using my energy to deal with people like you. :) )

[vastiitas]

History & Verses

BASIC RUNDOWN:

As of present, 37 years old. Observant beneath a seemingly open, laid-back, and charismatic attitude. Was all thunder and fury as a kid - it’s weathered away, softened, but manifests when you poke all the wrong buttons. He’s still got his impulsive, reckless and hot-headed tendencies for all his suave lounging he does now. Deadeye marksman with a revolver and knows his way through a grapple and brawl. If he’s not in trouble, he’ll make or find it; his impishness knows no bounds. Instinctively protective of those who can’t protect themselves, though he isn’t quite aware of it. Resourceful.

In terms of appearance, he’s 6′1. Brown Hair, Brown eyes. Left arm is replaced by a prosthetic, the amputation being transhumeral/above elbow (though whether or not he has it will be dependent on the timeline/verse.) In terms of Overwatch, I prefer his design of the first game over the second, so his attire will mostly be in reference to that.

To really break down my portrayal, I try to take pieces from: Cool Hand Luke (estranged relationship with god, when his mother says fondly and teasingly "you were boring everybody" when he tried to be a proper fiancé, when he says "i haven't planned a single thing in my life", his boyish instigations, when they give him his namesake and go "sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand!", and his inevitable death being true to his nature); just a lil bit of blondie from the good the bad the ugly (keeping cards close to his chest, his quiet empathy towards tuco as they leave the church and later the dying soldiers, being a show-off but also a dork in his own right, discernment to be wise enough to look out for one's own self-interest), and a bit of John Marst (disillusionment with Causes, being chained along to be used by the government, betrayal/being left for dead by the people you used to think of as family) and RDR in the more general sense that if I don't see him walking around in that universe as a grounded person - he simply does not sit right with me. I try also to integrate the violence within the books of C.ormac McC.arthy. There's a sort of mischief and craftiness that comes with a coyote motif. Self contradictory in being laid back, but also impatient and reckless (though more present in his earlier years and less so in the later -- unless you know him well). Headstrong and bold, but kind. Someone who can make himself at home anywhere. There's a running theme of self-burial and bloody baptisms: he has killed cole cassidy for all of his weakness; he has put to rest jesse mccree for all of his wounds that were too much to bear. Honorable Mentions include: JB Mau.ney (bull rider), and Randle McMurphy (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest), and Odysseus (Homer) for his perpetual bad luck and wily nature (but also this fic Captures Everything Quite Well), sometimes Achilles w his righteous anger.

pre-deadlock

V;HEATHEN THING BORNE FROM DIRT AND DESOLATION

ah, well, you know how the story goes. farm boy lives on a farm, war comes, war tears up the country, war tears up the world, farm boy is now an orphan boy who gets tossed around between foster homes 'til it starts getting on his nerves. the boundless sky mocks him, the dirt a reminder of what he's been reduced to; the grit of it scorns him on his skin. the boy finally says, "fuck this, fuck everything," and becomes a runaway. wild thing, coarse, and wary; but not without his charms when he feels like he doesn't got anything to prove. the name "cole cassidy" died with his family, but it sits tentative on his tongue like a habit that has yet to be kicked.

Headcanons about his youth can be found here.

deadlock.

V;CHASE THAT ADRENALINE DOWN WITH A CLASSIC TRAIN HEIST

the summer is screaming. gun shots, buck shots, iron cracking, glass shattering. home isn't an easy thing for jesse mccree, but he thinks he found one amongst the drum of bedlam and people here, in the seedling starts of a gang that will soon become a monster of a force in the American West. a boyish crush on a respectable girl-turned-woman, he strides alongside her steadily. banter, laughter, liquor. from 15 to sweet 17, he's on the adrenaline high of train heists. a menace, with his six-shooter and a mean deadeye. scrappy and snappy to authority, still a lanky son of a bitch growing steadily into the meat of muscle he's yet to don. a thorn spurs into his side though, slides right into his heart and festers. it feels insiduous, like doubt, and it feels like damnation. nauseatingly, something about it's like watching a compass turn away from north; but, hell, maybe that's just the booze. (i read deadlock rebels, and i'm not going to refute it.)

early blackwatch.

V;PRISON WITH A LEASH

an ultimatum is an ultimatum: a life-time of prison or service for covert-ops. hell, he thinks. hell, he reckons. at the very least, he'll get to stretch out his legs. an understatement, with what's to come in training. as far as he's concerned, he's an animal to be broken into; a hardy, mishapen piece of clay that they're trying to mould and shape. amusingly enough, it's looking not too different from what it already was: gun-shaped and deadly, being fine-tuned for the red hand of blackwatch. jesse mccree has always been easy to make friends with, but the people here, as far as he's concerned, are either mission objectives or prison wardens. he keeps his cards close, watching like he'd done as a child, biding his time to run. 

blackwatch.

V;SECOND HOME AND SECOND CHANCES

steadily enough, blackwatch and overwatch has wormed his way into his heart. at first, it'd been a veneer of professionalism forced upon him by military decorum, but it's near painful for him to consider that maybe, just maybe, he's found a second family. age and retrospect gives him a little more clarity in that the ultimatum really was an open-handed opportunity. his time with blackwatch in his early years hasn't beaten his tact from train heists out of him yet. still a little reckless, still taking gambits. a maverick, in his own right. he holds his cards a little less so tightly to his chest, learns to be less wary of omnics and ais, and is keener on the rolling with the punches than the resentment he'd held before. 

outlaw.

V;OUTLAW IN THE NEW WEST

disillusionment. with blackwatch and overwatch's fall, he reckons right or wrong aren't so defined after all. redemption is a hack of a word, one he'll forever associate with what they'd told him that he was doing. up until things just got a little too dirty. if he'd seen it earlier, maybe he could have stopped it. or, maybe it's just that he's a little bit too rotten, and he'll always fall a step left on that clean moral line. it wasn't like he disagreed that the man had to be taken down. at the end of the day, he's back in the dirt. back to a vague sense of home, some strange body of familiarity with the hug of gritty discomforts. money comes and goes, changes hand to hand. he picks up the jobs that he has to. he'll be hard-pressed to do some good, but maybe he can't help himself when something tips that moral compass needle anywhere away from the true north that he's learned to define himself. 

overwatch.

V;BACK IN THE SADDLE 

overwatch comes back. it stands, tall and defiant, struggling to find its legs proper, but deteremined nonetheless. a cynical part of him needles at him that this won't last, it'll collapse in itself like before. but there's no blackwatch this time, only an earnest, perhaps overly-idealistic gorilla who sees when there's wrong to be righted. with terrorist organizations back on the rise, with some mumbo-jumbo about bettering this or that, challenging humanity to be better or screaming about its downfall, he reckons overwatch is the one thing that stands against another omnic war in the making and creating more aimless, orphaned jesse mccree's in the world. if overwatch can come back from the grave, he reckons, cole cassidy can, too. better, that way, when there's a bounty hanging over the mccree name anyhow. (1)

retirement.

V;LIVING PAST THE MYTHOS

Self-Explanatory

a modern verse.

V;MODERN TAKE ON A DYING BREED

Same run down: Farm Boy turned Orphan turned Runaway. No Robot War to kill the parents, but it’s an unfortunate plight all the same anchored by shady back room deals. Ran away from the changing of foster homes to a string of farms looking for farmhands. Lost his left arm to a piece of equipment at one of those megafarms, got given the boot, got drunk, got angry, did something stupid, got into a gang, got arrested. if only out of spite, he attempted all the different ways he could try and make a break for it, but there’s only so much you can do when you’ve got phantom pains crippling your stub of an arm. somewhere down the line, after his release, he picks up a prosthetic and tries his remaining hand at bounty hunting after a serendipitous moment of taking down some asshole who decided to shoot up a diner.

this tag is a catch-all for all periods of his life in this verse unlike the filing system for his ovw verses.

rancher.

V;LIL SLICE OF HEAVEN SADDLED ON A COWPUNCHER'S DREAM

kid that came from dust-scraps that took to the pbr as soon as he could (min age is 18 for entry, I'm sure); he quickly takes the stage by storm as the kid who came from nowhere. in elaboration to his youth: it's not so different from how it is in all his other verses. a dispossesed, orphan traveller who works his ocassional odd jobs, but for the most part he DOES stick to being a cowhand; bothering the local vaqueros and rancheros about rodeo competitions. he does a lot of trial and error learning on his own, uses a lot of secondhand and borrowed equipment while building his own set for his first entry. before the loss of his parents, he'd started with mutton busting and being put on top of steers as per most kids. cole's other point of interest in the competitions is steer wrestling, which he will perform for on the occassion, but not as frequently for a bull ride; he's also a mean ass roper - but he keeps this skillset to the job despite folk asking him to partner up for team-roping or just enter as a roper. cole takes a lot of his winning funds to settle out and work his own property in his downtime. it's a modest size compared to an average ranch (he keeps about ~25 head or less), and he keeps it this way to be manageable when he's travelling between competitions. good neighbors will ranch-sit for him while he's away. he's well-known and well-regarded in the town he settles down in; knows most people's names. im just going to put some of his other modern-verse npc's residing in this town which include Ernesto, who taught him to maintain and build a motorbike, and Ol' Kooky Sal who threw him around on a crop duster plane. He still loses his arm, at some point. while this forces him into retirement for bull-riding purposes, he does continue with the upkeep of his ranch and falls into other portions of the events, such as bull fighting (protecting riders when they dismount), and the raising and training of bulls.

western period verse.

V;CAUGHT STILL IN TIME BY A BYGONE ERA

For RDR and etc.// I keep this vague in order to play Cole to whatever dynamic  is desired or comes into play. Otherwise, you can generally expect the same story beats as above: orphan -> gang -> mutual betrayal within gang that leaves him half dead and picked up by a lawman who gives him a second chance as opposed to a noose (age: 17) -> spends his time as a deputy and bounty man, eventually splitting and/or putting his mentor figure in the ground due to a combination of illness and political corruption.

tlou/post-apocalyptic verse.

V;TIP-TOEING THE RAZOR'S EDGE OF AN UNCERTAIN TOMORROW

For tlou, zombies, etc. Generally, a raider that can act in a group or solo. Tends to keep to himself and a wanderer. Also left vague to accommodate case-by-case plotting.

supermax prison. (upon request)

V;JUMPSUIT ORANGE AND JAIL CELL GREY

OVW DIVERGENT VERSE. he doesn’t take the ultimatum to join blackwatch and is set to spend the rest of his life in a prison. This verse can be set to further develop into a talon verse in itself after a Talon or Null Sector attack (whether wayward or intentional) causes an impromptu jail break. Keeping this separate from the Talon Verse below in order to allow room for Gabriels who want the potential for a pre-established past connection vs keeping it anon and new.

That said, most of the focus would be exploring relationships in prison and visitations.

talon verse. (upon request)

V;COULDN'T SCRUB THE DEVIL OUT OF YOU

" I can see your soul at the edges of your eyes. It's corrosive, like acid. You got a demon, little man. And I don't like your face. “

Callsign’s predictably Deadeye, but more for the dead-eyed look he’s carrying around. Started out as a muttered, whispered nickname amongst the grunts when he wasn’t feeling particularly conversational and stuck. He’ll introduce himself as Jesse though.

Personality wise: He’s basically the same, 'cept there's something perpetually restless itching beneath his skin. starting shit just to start shit, throttling forward into void with a devil’s glint in the eyes. This is a man with nothing to live for and nothing to lose - living a purgatorial existence where the only thing that serves to make him feel alive is when life or death is at stake. The sun blows out to a black hole; leaving behind a shattered carpet of shredded light and an unrelenting appetite for more.

OTHER STATS

Has a conversational grasp on Spanish. Grew up with it with a bunch of farm hands.

Texan outfit, Texan boy, Texan Southern Drawl.

Didn’t have a formal education prior to BW.

Is wary af abt omnics until fully integrated into OW.

has a bounty on his own head in OW verses. Not included in modern verse, but we can make it a separate one if you’d like >:)c

Joel was his father’s name. A narcissist obsessed with using those around him to better his own ends, Cole learned from him at an early age how to identify all the tells of a person trying to get something from you and at the basic level on how to lay on the charm (which he later developed further into his own thing.) Frequent arguments broke between them, bearing onto the physical, with mostly the blame falling onto him due to his own habits of instigating and finding trouble. There are some scars on his back from these years as a child; they’re faded and lost to other wounds as of current day.  

For OVW: I try to keep connections vague to have room with other people’s interpretations of their characters. For threads that don’t make use of these characters, here are my general takes on his feelings for said characters:

I personally think Reyes makes a Dutch equivalent for Cole (which in itself is all very complicated; dutch has shit going on, but i think he genuinely cared when things were good), but I specifically made his father a narcissist in order to give more room for lighter bonds/connections.

I also regard the falling out with Deadlock as a mutual betrayal; Cole came out of it bleeding and bruised. He will regard Ashe with wariness: He misses her, but the feelings are complicated. I see their ovw2 voicelines as more sibling antagonism than outright animosity. He does not rat on DL.

Jack may be “the golden boy” of ovw but my Cassidy won’t resent him for “not getting his hands dirty” like the bw crew. He might make fun of him for it, but Jack, to him, reads like an earnest guy trying his best. i think that jack is the one that gave him permission to leave when bw went to shit in retribution; furthering tensions between him and reyes. this doesn’t need to be the canon if you’re a character (e.i. reyes) that closely interacts with a jack.

ana amari was his first step in integrating with the ovw crew. Her sharpshooting skills and resourcefulness lended respect (the latter a feeling of ilk) and marks his shift from being wary of what he considered his prison wardens to genuine mentor figures. Reyes taught him a lot, but he enjoyed Amari's lessons the most.

For OVW - Explaining the Deadeye mechanic: On here, it’s an adrenaline effect; where one hits peak flow and it nearly becomes meditative. Cole’s good at keeping his head under pressure, actually almost relaxes in it, and this is that same thing except scaled up to 1000%. idk if you’ve ever, like, filled up a room with your presence alone without even a word, but it happens and i imagine this plays into the whole thing you see in-game when he activates it. post-adrenaline fatigue does hit him, and it hits him hard when he uses the mechanic multiple times within a short period.

Headcanons

Further Peripheral Details

[yandere-romanticaa]

stay with me. - reverse! isekai! owari no seraph preview scenarios.

I'm writing the first chapter but some of you got so excited for this fic that I couldn't help but to give you a little glimpse of how I imagine some things would be. This right here is mostly just mindless fluff with a hint of something more... Regardless, I hope you like it!

Ferid Bathory would become your university professor and he would immediately become an instant hit, but perhaps not necessarily for all the good reasons. Some are intrigued by him, others are charmed while the rest are just creeped out - he does and says the most random and craziest things anyone could ever think of, which really does beg the question of how he even got this job. You tried to get more details out of him but he is not budging so you give up, a smart decision really.

He would be intrigued by modern society and I can see him often debating online even if he has no idea what anyone is talking about. He doesn't really care if he wins his debates and petty arguments, he's just looking for ways to be entertained. The current politics are incredibly amusing to him and he wants to know it all. He adapts mostly well but since he has such an eccentric personality he still manages to look like a clown in public. Some people find that hot though, much to his delight and low key confusion. Humans are strange, he would think to himself.

As for the way he loves you, well, that's a complete ride of emotions. He says that it was "love at first sight" for him and be because of this he often bugs you of your whereabouts and with who you were with, and just to be extra™ he probably likes to leave random hickies all over you if he can grab you. He's acting like a proper lover ought to, yeah? They're supposed to be jealous, why are you getting so huffy with him?! Fine, he'll stop but not completely. All of your actions and reactions are very cute to him, there's nothing you could do that could turn him away from you. If someone were to ask what his favorite hobby was, he would probably say something like "I like to follow (y/n) around the city and annoy them!~"

He thrives off your attention, even if it's negative. Despite his constant teasing he understands that he's down bad for you once the two of you alone and how you treat him. He is annoying but you don't treat him like a pest and that's... sweet. Yes, that is very sweet of you. He's like child asking for candy, your words and touch start becoming something akin to a drug to him. He's curious to see what this new world has to offer but he's more curious to see whether or not you'd be willing to stick by his side no matter what.

Crowley Eusford feels a strange sense of nostalgia run through him as he walks around, especially if he comes by a church. He's often seen with a calm smile on his face and people are naturally attracted to him because of this. Small children probably want to play with him and chances are he will indulge their desires as he lets them use his big muscly arms like monkey bars. He laughs quietly to himself at the helplessness of these kids, they have no idea that he could tear them to shreds if he wanted to. In a split second this beautiful, sunny day could become grin if Crowley got a little bit too thirsty... But the warmth of your hand is more than enough to bring him back down to Earth.

He's not as needy as Ferid, but he does like to watch you. Again, he's not as obvious with it like that freak but he always notices even the most little things on you, always. He sees how sweet you are to the people around you, how hard you try to help him and the others and he appreciates that. He's a little angry with himself because sometimes he wonders how things would look like if he became a bit more greedy, just a little bit. He likes it when you hug him, he doesn't want to let you go.

It's almost like he's being brought back to life again.

Lest Karr and Krul Tepes are... interesting. Due to their tiny bodies they are either sent away to some sort of elementary school or are hiding away somewhere but for the sake of comedy let's just say they are forced to attend a regular public school and my oh my, does this cause some issues. Neither one of them wants to be put through this kind of humiliation but with one good, stern look from Urd they'll both keep their mouths shut. I imagine they break some furniture by complete accident because of how angry they get, maybe not even by accident now that I think about it. They'll play along after some time passes, hell, they will start competing with each other to see who can solve things faster! Cue them both running to you to see who was better but I imagine Lest would be a lot more vocal with his praises and complaints. Krul just sort of smugly says that such trivial and childish things are beneath her but you see the way she smiles whenever she bests Lest, it's impossible to hide.

As for their infatuation, this could be problematic. Lest doesn't seem to understand why you aren't attracted to him the same way he is to you. His mind has aged like fine wine but he is cursed to look like a young boy which causes him great distress. He probably binges a lot of romantic comedies in his free time but under the condition that he is alone. He doesn't necessarily enjoy them but he just wants to understand how human courting works.

Urd Geales is the first vampire out the bunch to get a real job and it'll probably be something really boring like an accountant. He'll get the title of employee of the month in the short span of 24 hours, everyone is in awe of his skills and intelligence. People pester him all the time and he may or may not help them out, it depends on the approach they have towards him and his own mood. He probably ends up buying a really nice apartment that is used like a base for the vampires.

I imagine he gets asked out a lot but he turns everyone down. "I already have someone in mind" is what he cooly says. It's you, you caught his eye the moment he saw you. He sees you as someone very intelligent and pointlessly kind. You're so weak and pathetic but he's into that. You're pathetic in a cute way. He probably keeps a picture of you on his desk and likes to steal glances at it from time to time. He is grateful for your assistance and wants to repay you in some way.

He also likes to stare but unlike Crowley, his stares feel a lot more cold. You think he hates you or just flat out wants to kill you right where you are standing which causes you to avoid him, much to his disappointment. He's a bit of a gentleman and he tries to spoil you with little gifts such as flowers and whatnot. You always turn him down though, always. You break his heart every time you do this.

Shinoa Hiragii is absolutely THRIVING. She became an internet sensation basically overnight and her main platform is TikTok. She posts the most random shit ever but it's so bizarre and scattered that it's hard to look away. She uses sex appeal and her cuteness to get away from the dumb stuff she does, probably has a ton of simps and white knights that defend her. She tries to include you in her activities but you're too scared to be seen by her pure monsters of so called fans.

❤️ TAGS: @ocielismyadoptedson

[agirlwithachakram]

Fallout DLCs rated from worst to best

3:

The Pitt. It’s just not very fun, the reward is useful but kind of a pain to actually collect, and while you don’t have to literally kill a baby to end slavery, kidnapping a baby is in the same ballpark. Look, I get what they were going for. There are horrors in the world and sometimes you don’t get to fight them righteously. Fine. But murdering a baby’s parents and kidnapping her for medical research is a little too on the nose, and there’s nothing in the writing that makes this interesting. It kind of feels like Marvel making a leftist villain and then having them murder civilians for no reason but red scare propaganda. Also, it suffers from the same problem as Nuka World: Once you decide not to work with slavers, your quest becomes to start shooting all these named NPCs with no options for surrender or takeover or any other interesting way to end the slavery.

Broken Steel. It’s fine. I’m glad Sara’s up and at ‘em. I’m glad I didn’t die for no reason. Yay fighting Enclave with a tesla cannon. Wheeee.

Mothership Zeta. When I’m not playing it, I’m like “oh do I really wanna go do that?” but when I AM playing it I’m like oh FUCK yeah. I love the sneaking and punching and getting alien guns and spacewalking and zapping another alien ship with a gun and the fucked up ageless Claudia kid, whatever her name is. And the cowboy! And poor medic guy from Anchorage. and of course Somah.

Point Lookout. I mostly enjoy playing this one in spite of the MASSIVE liberties taken with the geography. The Calvert Mansion is nowhere near the western shore (the MD peninsula in the Chesapeake between VA and the eastern shore peninsula), it’s in the DC metro area, two hours away! But, sure. I’ll take the Ark and Dove as the presby church up in Odenton. I’ll even take the military camp as Lexington Park. Whatever. I like the scavenger hunt with the Chinese spy, I like the punga fruit vault boy trip--fantastic bit of madness it is--I like the ridiculous fight with the ghoul and the brain, I like the fucked up soil testing quest, and I like the nature of it all. Love me a good expansive DLC map. But. There is a huge but. I do not like the creepers. I think it’s exceptionally gross to make monsters that are Deliverance type “what if humans were so inbred they weren’t human anymore” beings. Sure, they say they’re mutated, but come on. We all know what they’re doing. Still, I leave it for last because other than that, it’s the most fun one.

Operation: Anchorage. This one shouldn’t be as fun as it is. I think it’s just nice to get an ammo drop video game style where they change how it works inside the game because your character is playing a game. I like how you can fuck with the army guys by saying it’s a simulation. And of course I love the stealth suit. But mostly I love sniping invisible soldiers.

4

Contraptions Workshop. Is this fun? Can you actually do anything with this?

Wasteland Workshop. Do I want any of this stuff? What’s the point?

Nuka World. Yeah, it’s cool I guess. I enjoy running around the places, I like the Tarzan dude with his...ghoul? synth? gorilla buddies. I do not like the thing where in order to avoid killing or hurting innocents, you have to just start blasting bad guys. It’s fine. It’s not fun to take them all out and you pretty much have to turn on god mode to do it. Maybe you’re supposed to spread them all out at various settlements before killing them? But then you’ll piss off my boy Preston Garvey! And like! It’s one thing to work with “bad guys” but these aren’t fun villains, they’re slavers. So while NW has a lot of good content, it’s overshadowed by the fact that you have to do a LOT of work to liberate the place.

Vault-Tec Workshop. Oh, Ted. What a good dude. I love pissing off the overseer so much she leaves. I love cleaning up the place. I have never put a real vault in.

Automatron. What can I say? It’s cute! The characters are cute. It’s all just terribly charming.

Far Harbor. Aw yeah. The good one and it ain’t even close. Nick’s brother! The weird memories! The giant hermit crab! Turning the children of atom’s sprayer into a cleanser. The TWIST. And it’s a cool-ass location.

NV

Honest Hearts. NGL, this one is BEAUTIFUL. If it weren’t racist, it would be the best one. But it is, a lot, so it’s the worst. I didn’t initially think we were meant to think of the Sorrows and the Dead Horses and White Legs as actual Native American tribes, but apparently the Dead Horses at least are partially descended from Navajo people. Follows Chalk and Waking Cloud have your sort of stereotypical movie Native American lilt on purpose, regardless. They have a very weird naivete that makes Daniel and Joshua clearly, um, taking up the white man’s burden. Did a Mormon write this? Not that you have to be Mormon to be this kind of racist, but as Dan and Josh are, it leaves me wondering. It’s gross that the Sorrows and Dead Horses are both leaving the major decisions to a missionary and a war criminal, random white dudes who are trying to take over leadership of their tribes. It’s just all fucked up and I don’t know why we can’t have a beautiful Zion DLC that isn’t This. Ugh.

Dead Money. It’s a good DLC, it’s just a HUGE bummer and the radio shit is so stressful. It’s nearly impossible to get down into the vault (and out of it!) without your collar killing you. It’s a huge pain and that’s why it’s my least favorite to play. Plus, I got so annoyed you couldn’t bring Christine home to Ronnie that I downloaded a mod so I could. You won’t keep the lesbians apart, Elijah! You bastard!

Lonesome Road. It’s fun but it gets to be a slog after a while. Feel like I’m checking off a list of warheads to detonate. Also Ulysses is always telling me I’m with the NCR which is funny because I ALWAYS turn on them eventually and take care of Caesar and Lanius myself.

Old World Blues. I like the talking stealth suit and the messed up appliances. I like fucking with the brains and hanging with Morbius. (it IS morbin’ time!) I like all the weird locations and the hints as to what’s next in the DLCs. I have less to say about the DLCs I like the most. Tranquility Lane fucks me UP. Oh and I like teleporting.

[redacted-headcannons]

Obey Me! Headcanon: Most Traveled Locations in the Human Realm!

Where in the human realm do the demons go?

Lucifer 

always visits the exact same spot if its for him time 

a small village in Greece

which is once a year and he stays for a week

its the spot Lilith fell to 

he lovingly touches the ground 

sobs hysterically and loses composure to the point of bursting into demon form 

the locals here started offering him fruit at the entrance of the village

lucifer hated it at first 

local legend and translations call him the “Mourning Man” or the “Morning Man” bc of his wailing and tendency to stay from sunset to sunrise 

Ryan Bergara and Shane Madej definitely do a segment on him 

Mammon

as much we all might think its Vegas

its actually the red light district in Amsterdam 

hes a patron there 

not bc he sleeps with the workers but bc he has a shelter in the middle of the district 

its disguised as a sex shop but its just a front for mammon to run a school for uneducated workers in the district 

used to sustain it with all his gambling money but the graduates decided to become self sufficient 

the shop half makes a ton of money off of tourists AND humans give him a “principal” fee? amazing 

its something he’s actually really proud of and won’t tell anyone about

he honestly only visits every few years and very secretively 

Leviathan 

its Piss Alley in Tokyo 

though Levi will get mad if you call it by its English name. The Japanese translation is Memory Lane 

the tight alleyways made him extremely anxious the first time 

a kind restaurant owner who was smoking outside brought him in for tea and snacks 

they also happened to be streaming some anime 

Levi couldn’t get enough 

though he found it recently he travels there once a month 

recently for Levi is like 40 years ago though 

the couple who owns the joint think that levi is the spirit of their deceased son 

bc Levi only visits when no one is wandering the alleyways or inside the restaurant

their suspicion grows when levi mentions he was in the navy once 

Satan 

doesn’t have a favorite place 

travels through South America pretty frequently 

he grew bored of literature on Greco-Roman history 

decided to say f*ck it and travel to a random spot 

it was definitely Barranquilla

then discovered different dialects of spanish in South America 

ran into a language block in Brazil 

cannot understand Puerto Ricans 

but the countries he visits keeps his mind going and the cultures fascinate him

Asmodeus 

as the self-appointed part boi he loves South Korea and East Asia in general

something about a more or less conservative culture going absolutely ballistic with some alcohol and lust makes Asmo go feral 

one of the few brothers to exercise his sin while in the Human Realm

the country in general has a crazy range of seasons, which Asmo is really jealous of 

also likes it because people tend to compliment him in obvious ways here like taking pictures, giving him gifts on the street, or being scouted by entertainment companies 

no one can quite place if he’s a foreigner or not 

also likes traveling with Levi but mostly for the fashion scene in Japan 

Beelzebub 

it’s an American diner in Tucson 

its open 24/7 and run by a father-daughter duo whose trying to pay for her education 

the father is a big burly man with a kind smile and he thinks that Beel is probably what a son of his would look like 

the daughter has a crush on Beel 

Beel politely informs her that he’s “probably” around the same age as her dad 

understandably, they are shook

they talk about how they can’t tell where his accent is from and are weirded out that his bright orange hair looks like it actually grows out of his head

despite their suspicions, they feed him as much as his human form can handle

Beel returns the favor by tipping generously 

not like $100 tips kinda generously 

but like a few months of rent kinda generously

Belphegor 

used to go on yearly unexplained trips to Greece with Lucifer 

hated them 

when he finally got permission to travel on his own, he went to Mongolia 

it was an accident 

but the fresh air, the large open planes of grass, and the silence were really welcoming to him 

he could watch the stars for another 1,000 years there if his brothers stopped trying to retrieve him 

he avoids people like the plague here 

but its okay bc they don’t know he’s there when he visits 

actually the nearby village’s children think he’s just an odd cow 

Barbatos 

enjoys trips to countries that border the Alboran, Mediterranean, and Black Seas

there’s just so much to learn in these areas 

he can never really choose a favorite place 

frequents the ruins of the library of Alexandria, the island of Cyprus, and Gibraltar

was there when the library burned 

the food in these countries are also vastly different from each other with seafood often the common denominator 

he loves it 

unlike the stagnant nature of the devildom, the ever changing paces, cultures, and people of these regions and countries keeps Barbatos overwhelmed and happy

Diavolo 

he actually thinks that visiting random churches is super funny 

made it three steps in the vatican before feeling super sick 

not from the holiness 

but the stench of overwhelming human sin 

when leaving he cackles because its just so very human 

is interested in what humans interpret as sin within Christianity because their concept of good and evil is so grey

he doesn’t get to the Human Realm very often 

but stays for at least a month every time 

[testudoaubrei-blog]

Content note for discussions of eternal damnation, and all sorts of other shit that will trigger a lot of folks with religious trauma.

Before I get started I might as well explain where I’m coming from - unlike a lot of She-Ra fans, and a lot of queer people, I don’t have much religious trauma, or any, maybe (okay there were a number of years I was convinced I was going to hell, but that happens to everyone, right?). I was raised a liberal Christian by liberal Christian parents in the Episcopal Church, where most of my memories are overwhelmingly positive. Fuck, growing up in the 90’s, Chuch was probably the only place outside my home I didn’t have homophobia spewed at me. Because it was the 90’s and it was a fucking hellscape of bigotry where 5 year olds knew enough to taunt each other with homophobic slurs and the adults didn’t know enough to realize how fucked up that was. Anyway. This is my experience, but it is an atypical one, and I know it. Quite frankly I know that my experience of Christianity has very little at all to do with what most people experienced, or what people generally mean when they talk about Christianity as a cultural force in America today. So if you were raised Christian and you don’t recognize your theology here, congrats, neither do I, but these ideas and cultural forces are huge and powerful and dominant. And it’s this dominant Christian narrative that I’m referring to in this post. As well as, you know, a children’s cartoon about lesbian rainbow princesses. So here it goes. This is going to get batshit.

"All events whatsoever are governed by the secret counsel of God." - John Calvin

“We’re all just a bunch of wooly guys” - Noelle Stevenson

This is a post triggered by a single scene, and a single line. It’s one of the most fucked-up scenes in She-Ra, toward the end of Save the Cat. Catra, turned into a puppet by Prime, struggles with her chip, desperately trying to gain control of herself, so lost and scared and vulnerable that she flings aside her own death wish and her pride and tearfully begs Adora to rescue her. Adora reaches out , about to grab her, and then Prime takes control back, pronounces ‘disappointing’ and activates the kill switch that pitches Catra off the platform and to her death (and seriously, she dies here, guys - also Adora breaks both her legs in the fall). But before he does, he dismisses Catra with one of his most chilling lines. “Some creatures are meant only for destruction.”

And that’s when everyone watching probably had their heart broken a little bit, but some of the viewers raised in or around Christianity watching the same scene probably whispered ‘holy shit’ to themselves. Because Prime’s line - which works as a chilling and callous dismissal of Catra - is also an allusion to a passage from the Bible. In fact, it’s from one of the most fucked up passages in a book with more than its share of fucked up passages. It’s from Romans 9:22, and I’m going to quote several previous verses to give the context of the passage (if not the entire Epistle, which is more about who needs to abide by Jewish dietary restrictions but was used to construct a systematic theology in the centuries afterwards because people decided it was Eternal Truth).

19 Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will?

20 Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?

21 Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?

22 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:

The context of the allusion supports the context in the show. Prime is dismissing Catra - serial betrayer, liar, failed conqueror, former bloody-handed warlord - as worthless, as having always been worthless and fit only to be destroyed. He is speaking from a divine and authoritative perspective (because he really does think he’s God, more of this in my TL/DR Horde Prime thing). Prime is echoing not only his own haughty dismissal of Catra, and Shadow Weaver’s view of her, but also perhaps the viewer’s harshest assessment of her, and her own worst fears about herself. Catra was bad from the start, doomed to destroy and to be destroyed. A malformed pot, cracked in firing, destined to be shattered against a wall and have her shards classified by some future archaeologist 2,000 years later. And all that’s bad enough.

But the full historical and theological context of this passage shows the real depth of Noelle Stevenson’s passion and thought and care when writing this show. Noelle was raised in Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christianity. To my knowledge, he has never specified what sect or denomination, but in interviews and her memoir Noelle has shown a particular concern for questions that this passage raises, and a particular loathing for the strains of Protestant theology that take this passage and run with it - that is to say, Calvinism. So while I’m not sure if Noelle was raised as a conservative, Calvinist Presbyterian, his preoccupation with these questions mean that it’s time to talk about Calvinism.

It would be unfair, perhaps, to say that Calvinism is a systematic theology built entirely upon the Epistles of Romans and Galatians, but only -just- (and here my Catholic readers in particular will chuckle to themselves and lovingly stroke their favorite passage of the Epistle of James). The core of Calvinist Doctrine is often expressed by the very Dutch acronym TULIP:

Total Depravity - people are wholly evil, and incapable of good action or even willing good thoughts or deeds

Unconditional Election - God chooses some people to save because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, not because they did anything to deserve, trigger or accept it

Limited Atonement - Jesus died only to save the people God chose to save, not the rest of us bastards

Irresistible Grace - God chooses some people to be saved - if you didn’t want to be saved, too bad, God said so.

Perseverance of the Saints - People often forget this one and assume it’s ‘predestination’ but it’s actually this - basically, once saved by God, always saved, and if it looks like someone falls out of grace, they were never saved to begin with. Well that’s all sealed up tight I guess.

Reading through these, predestination isn’t a single doctrine in Calvinism but the entire theological underpinnings of it together with humanity’s utter powerlessness before sin. Basically God has all agency, humanity has none. Calvinism (and a lot of early modern Protestantism) is obsessed with questions of how God saves people (grace alone, AKA Sola Fides) and who God saves (the people god elects and only the people God elects, and fuck everyone else).

It’s apparent that Noelle was really taken by these questions, and repelled by the answers he heard. He’s alluded to having a tattoo refuting the Gospel passage about Sheep and Goats being sorted at the end times, affirming instead that ‘we’re all just a bunch of wooly guys’ (you can see this goat tattoo in some of his self-portraits in comics, etc). He’s also mentioned that rejecting and subverting destiny is a huge part of everything he writes as a particular rejection of the idea that some individual people are 'chosen' by God or that God has a plan for any of us. You can see that -so clearly- in Adora’s arc, where Adora embraces and then rejects destiny time and again and finally learns to live life for herself.

But for Catra, we’re much more concerned about the most negative aspect of this - the idea that some people are vessels meant for destruction. And that’s something else that Noelle is preoccupied with. In her memoir in the section about leaving the church and becoming a humanistic atheist, there is a drawing of a pot and the question ‘Am I a vessel prepared for destruction?’ Obviously this was on Noelle’s mind (And this is before he came out to himself as queer!).

To look at how this question plays out in Catra’s entire arc, let’s first talk about how ideas of damnation and salvation actually play out in society. And for that I’m going to plug one of my favorite books, Gin Lun’s Damned Nation: Hell in America from the Revolution to Reconstruction (if you can tell by now, I am a fucking blast at parties). Lun tells the long and very interesting story about, how ideas of hell and who went there changed during the Early American Republic. One of the interesting developments that she talks about is how while at first people who were repelled by Calvinism started moving toward a doctrine of universal salvation (no on goes to hell, at least not forever*), eventually they decided that hell was fine as long as only the right kind of people went there. Mostly The Other - non-Christian foreigners, Catholics, Atheists, people who were sinners in ways that were not just bad but weird and violated Victorian ideas of respectability. Really, Hell became a way of othering people, and arguably that’s how it survives today, especially as a way to other queer people (but expanding this is slated for my Montero rant). Now while a lot of people were consciously rejecting Calvinist predestination, they were still drawing the distinction between the Elect (good, saved, worthwhile) and the everyone else (bad, damned, worthless). I would argue that secularized ideas of this survive to this day even among non-Christian spaces in our society - we like to draw lines between those who Elect, and those who aren’t.

And that’s what brings us back to Catra. Because Catra’s entire arc is a refutation of the idea that some people are worthless and irredeemable, either by nature, nurture or their own actions. Catra’s actions strain the conventions of who is sympathetic in a Kid’s cartoon - I’ve half joked that she’s Walter White as a cat girl, and it’s only half a joke. She’s cruel, self-deluded, she spends 4 seasons refusing to take responsibility for anything she does and until Season 5 she just about always chooses the thing that does the most damage to herself and others. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, the show goes out of its way to demonstrate that Catra is morally culpable in every step of her descent into evil (except maybe her break with reality just before she pulls the lever). The way that Catra personally betrays everyone around her, the way she strips herself of all of her better qualities and most of what makes her human, hell even her costume changes would signal in any other show that she’s irredeemable.

It’s tempting to see this as Noelle’s version of being edgy - pushing the boundaries of what a sympathetic character is, throwing out antiheroics in favor of just making the villain a protagonist. Noelle isn’t quite Alex ‘I am in the business of traumatizing children’ Hirsch, who seems to have viewed his job as pushing the bounds of what you could show on the Disney Channel (I saw Gravity Falls as an adult and a bunch of that shit lives rent free in my nightmares forever), but Noelle has his own dark side, mostly thematically. The show’s willingness to deal with abuse, and messed up religious themes, and volatile, passionate, not particularly healthy relationships feels pretty daring. I’m not joking when I gleefully recommend this show to friends as ‘a couple from a Mountain Goats Song fights for four seasons in a cartoon intended for 9 year olds’. Noelle is in his own way pushing the boundaries of what a kids show can do. If you read Noelle’s other works like Nimona, you see an argument for Noelle being at least a bit edgy. Nimona is also angry, gleefully destructive, violent and spiteful - not unlike Catra. Given that it was a 2010s webcomic and not a kids show, Nimona is a good deal worse than Catra in some ways - Catra doesn’t kill people on screen, while Nimona laughs about it (that was just like, a webcomic thing - one of the fan favorite characters in my personal favorite, Narbonic, was a fucking sociopath, and the heroes were all amoral mad scientists, except for the superintelligent gerbil**). But unlike Nimona, whose fate is left open ended, Catra is redeemed.

And that is weird. We’ve had redemption arcs, but generally not of characters with -so- much vile stuff in their history. Going back to the comparison between her and Azula, many other shows, like Avatar, would have made Catra a semi-sympathetic villain who has a sob-story in their origin but who is beyond redemption, and in so doing would articulate a kind of psychologized Calvinism where some people are too traumatized to ever be fully and truly human. I’d argue this is the problem with Azula as a character - she’s a fun villain, but she doesn’t have moral agency, and the ultimate message of her arc - that she’s a broken person destined only to hurt people - is actually pretty fucked up. And that’s the origin story of so many serial killers and psycopaths that populate so many TV shows and movies. Beyond ‘hurt people hurt people’ they have nothing to teach us except perhaps that trauma makes you a monster and that the only possible response to people doing bad things is to cut them out of your life and out of our society (and that’s why we have prisons, right?)

And so Catra’s redemption and the depths from which she claws herself back goes back to Noelle’s desire to prove that no person is a vessel ‘fitted for destruction.’ Catra goes about as far down the path of evil as we’ve ever seen a protagonist in a kids show go, and she still has the capacity for good. Importantly, she is not subject to total depravity - she is capable of a good act, if only one at first. Catra is the one who begins her own redemption (unlike in Calvinism, where grace is unearned and even unwelcomed) - because she wants something better than what she has, even if its too late, because she realizes that she never wanted any of this anyway, because she wants to do one good thing once in her life even if it kills her.

The very extremity of Catra’s descent into villainy serves to underline the point that Noelle is trying to make - that no one can be written off completely, that everyone is capable of change, and that no human being is garbage, no matter how twisted they’ve become. Meanwhile her ability to set her own redemption in motion is a powerful statement of human agency, and healing, and a refutation of Calvinism’s idea that we are powerless before sin or pop cultural tropes about us being powerful before the traumas of our upbringing. Catra’s arc, then, is a kind of anti-Calvinist theological statement - about the nature of people and the nature of goodness.

Now, there is a darker side to this that Noelle has only hinted at, but which is suggested by other characters on the show. Because while Catra’s redemption shows that people are capable of change, even when they’ve done horrible things, been fucked up and fucked themselves up, it also illustrates the things people do to themselves that make change hard. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, two of the most sinister parts of her descent into villainy are her self-dehumanization (crushing her own compassion and desire to do good) and her rewriting of her own history in her speech and memory to make her own actions seem justified (which we see with her insistence that Adora left her, eliding Adora’s offers to have Catra join her, or her even more clearly false insistence that Entrapta had betrayed them). In Catra, these processes keep her going down the path of evil, and allow her to nearly destroy herself and everyone else. But we can see the same processes at work in two much darker figures - Shadow Weaver and Horde Prime. These are both rants for another day, but the completeness of Shadow Weaver’s narcissistic self-justification and cultivated callousness and the even more complete narcissism of Prime’s god complex cut both characters off from everyone around them. Perhaps, in a theoretical sense, they are still redeemable, but for narrative purposes they might as well be damned.

This willingness to show a case where someone -isn’t- redeemed actually serves to make Catra’s redemption more believable, especially since Noelle and the writers draw the distinction between how Catra and SW/Prime can relate to reality and other people, not how broken they are by their trauma (unlike Zuko and Azula, who are differentiated by How Fucked Uolp They Are). Redemption is there, it’s an option, we can always do what is right, but someone people will choose not to, in part because doing the right thing involves opening ourselves to the world and others, and thus being vulnerable. Noelle mentions this offhandedly in an interview after Season 1 with the She-Ra Progressive of Power podcast - “I sometimes think that shades of grey, sympathetic villains are part of the escapist fantasy of shows like this.” Because in the real world, some people are just bastards, a point that was particularly clear in 2017. Prime and Shadow Weaver admit this reality, while Catra makes a philosophical point that even the bastards can change their ways (at least in theory).

*An idea first proposed in the second century by Origen, who’s a trip and a fucking half by himself, and an idea that becomes the Catholic doctrine of purgatory, which protestants vehemently denied!

**Speaking of favorite Noelle tropes

[soldmysoultootomeboys]

Hi! Can I request headcannons for the human brothers accidently summoning an angel mc instead of a demon and the angel mc insisting on sticking around and helping them?

The other brothers: :) Satan: >:)

This has been in the drafts for too long. I really love the absolute mood switch between Lucifers and Mammons. And just Satans in general ig.

Lucifer

After years of religious trauma at the hands of his father Lucifer finally thought he was free of any connection to the church. Summoning a flaming seraphim at 3 in the morning was not a pleasant way to find out that he was wrong.

As for you, being summoned for the first time in your long long life was an unwelcome surprise. You were a seraphim for heaven's sake. The cream of the crop, highest of the high, and that wasn’t pride speaking only facts. You were crucial to running the celestial realm.

But somehow you’re undeniably tied to his human. You could feel where his soul became intermeshed with your very essence. How wrong it felt to be tied to something so mortal, and delicate, and free.

Any attempts to leave would surely be met with disaster.

So you stay. Lucifer is cold. You can’t blame him. Being there reopens old wounds that he’d rather have remained closed. But just ignoring each other isn’t going to work.

He’s not interested in the celestial realm, and despises any blessing you try and give him, but a fresh cup of coffee during an all-nighter seems to make him brighter than any magic you could do and when you run your hands through his hair he looks at you with more fondness than you can comprehend.

You learn to be more human. He learns to let go of the past.

And one day you find that you don’t want to leave anymore.

For celestial sake that thought should as well be treason! But it’s true.

It’s a spring afternoon and Lucifer plays celestial lullabies on his piano and you want nothing more than for the beautiful night to come so you can sweep him in your arms and remind him how he glows.

You don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore, but you know that this human is yours and you are his. To rip off your wings would be to find solace in his arms. But you can not give him that. This he knows.

So you promise to protect him, in words he can’t hear but he understands. The spread of your wings shield him from the world and you press blessings to his skin in the shape of the crescents in his back and your lips on his neck. If nothing else you’ll keep him safe. When the world seems too big and the stress of his life gets him down you’ll always be here for him to crawl back to. You can give him that much.

Mammon

That was it

You had to have been assigned the stupidest human in the world

When you were promoted to guardian angel you kinda thought it would be more ‘protecting orphans’ and ‘guiding lost puppies back home’ NOT watching a grown man spend his last paycheck on his eighth Nigerian prince scam

Seriously mammon? Did the prophetic dreams you sent mean nothing? The visions of the future he coincidentally had after hitting his head on a light post, only simple illusions? What more could you try beyond simply marching down their and clocking him on the head yourself?

...unless

Raphael would have your wings if you went to the human world. But that would be a lot less painful that having to watch whatever Mammon was going to do with all the rubber cement he just bought.

The next morning you decide to sneak down. The city was amazing, all colored light and fun machines that whizzed by you on the streets

But you had to stay focused

You were an angel on a mission

You made your way towards central park. Mammon went there every morning to swindle tourists out of their wallets. If you were fast you’d get there before the first patrol office started chasing him.

Spotting the albino you marched straight towards him, readied yourself, and smacked him over the head.

Maybe not very angel-like but it worked.

One introduction later and you're officially a guardian angel

Mammon’s actually pretty nice once you get to know him. Sure he may be a bit too obsessed with lining his pockets but for all his talk he never hesitates to try and help you out.

Consistent affection and care is good for him. He never really knows how to react when you wrap your wings around him but even with his tsundere objections it's obvious he’s pleased.

He’ll take whatever scraps of affection you’ll give him and practically beams at every little gesture you do, no matter how small or insignificant.

You do have to be careful though.

At his request you had attempted to bless him with a bit of luck. An easy enough spell for an angel like you (even if you were 90% sure he planned to go gambling after). Whatever scheming he’s doing immediately stops the moment you cup his face. He seems to freeze when you lean in, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek

You were about to congratulate yourself on a spell well done when you noticed the condition he was in. He was like a living statue, a statue with a very very red face

Before you can ask what was wrong he flails pushing you away and darting off to his room

Any attempts to speak to him the rest of the day were met with incoherent shouting.

It might be best to withhold any magic until you can figure out how humans work

Levi

Once again Levi’s dedication to anime gets him into trouble

It started with his most recent obsession, a new anime that follows a group of angels, produced by the famous company, Dove. The plot, the animation, the soundtrack, all of it was amazing so when they came out with a new limited edition item featuring the very symbol that the main character wore he just had to have it

The moment it came he was setting it up on its own altar, a handmade replica just like in the show only for- Oh no

Before his eyes burst a shining visage of light and then you

You blink in surprise, whether it's from taking a human form for the first time in decades or the strange new room you were in, only you know

The scene may be foreign but the guy quivering on the floor was not

BE NOT AFRAID

Your booming voice echoes around the room

For some reason the guy begins to freak out even more

Didn’t he see your halo? You even told him to not be afraid. Were humans really so strange? :(

Oh well. You hum making your aura as comforting as possible and slowly the guy calms down enough for you to coax him into a seat as you begin to explain.

Which might not have been the best move.

The moment it sunk in he was bombarding you with questions

Yes you were an angel, no you didn’t know what anime was, yes you had wings, no you didn’t have any secret ultimate moves...whatever those were

He ranted and raved over this and that and you let him. He seemed like he needed someone to talk to. It also let you piece together what had happened.

He seemed to be a natural sorcerer, and a powerful one at that if he could someone an angel with no training or even knowledge that he could do magic

Just a few minutes in his presence made his self loathing obvious. Mix in a bit of anxiety and envy and you essentially have Levi in a nutshell

So you decide to stay

What kind of angel would you be if you just left him here? Michael would understand.

Or he wouldn't, it didn’t really matter because you already made up your mind.

Living with Levi is an experience for both of you.

He introduces you to so many new things. He had little boxes that could control light and screens containing actual people to talk to. It was all quite fanciful

In return you act as his friend, encouraging him to go out with you and attending cons with him, even if you still weren't exactly sure what cosplaying is

Slowly he begins to open up for you

He’s still nervous to go out in public, and a complete introvert at heart.

But that was fine. You could both figure out this new world together, at your own pace

Satan

Definitely was not trying to summon a demon to lay havoc on his enemies

Nope, not him he says all while trying to casually kick away vials of mysterious fluids

...Right

You’ve been down to the human world enough to know a demon summoner when you see one

Or in this case a failed summoner

He has no excuse for why he called you and instead seems more insistent that you leave

As much as you you might like to return to the celestial realm, you cannot in good conscience leave a man that you know is going to try and raise hell on earth the moment your gone

So you stay, and it's a good thing you do

This man has anger issues like no other

You thought Raphael was bad this guy is like a demon himself

However he seems willing to try and make the best of what he considers a bad situation

He asks you a lot of questions on the celestial realm

For a guy who knows so much about the devildom he seems to really be lacking on any knowledge on the other celestial beings

He mostly asks you questions on the celestial war, which is a touchy topic at best and downright upsetting at worst

He’s very interested in your opinions as your point of view is very different from his own, what with being a different species and everything

You learn things too, mostly about humans and cats but you suppose its a fair trade

Because of this you become close friends

You really win him over when he finds out your calming aura naturally attracts the stray kittens Satan's been trying to pet for the last few months

It’s not uncommon to head out to late night coffee shops and discuss the merits of different aspects of your lives

But maybe you’ve gotten a bit to close when he starts asking you to revise his summoning notes

Asmo

Apparently a lifetime of partying has prepared Asmo for some very weird discoveries

When you're sent down to the human world you have one job, find and keep an eye on the potentially dangerous summoner who's been in contact with multiple high level demons in the past few days.

Instead you end up meeting Asmo

You were prepared for a fight, not to be tackled into a hug the moment you revealed yourself

Asmo on the other hand is squealing with excitement

Sweetie, he's been waiting for this moment! This is his first time meeting an angel after all

He immediately begins talking about everything he wants to do

You quickly find out that he hasn’t made any pacts...yet, if only because he “couldn’t bear to damage his skin with such an ugly mark”

...Well you suppose that's a reason to not sell your soul

Even thoughts he's aware of the three realms it doesn’t make him any less enamoured with you

He’s never met an angel, he’s quick to mention. He’d love to get to know you, if you get what he means ;)

Are all humans so upfront?

If you decline he still wants to see your true form, even after you explain that no, if you transform you will not just be a beautiful angel with wings but instead a glowing mass of eyes and feathers and angelic light that will probably end up blinding him

Blinded because of your beauty ;) ;) ;)

That said he’s easily satisfied when you just bring out your wings.

He loves fussing with them and decorates them with jewelry and roses whenever you leave them out

He even starts an angel trend on insta after posting a photo as if they were coming from his back instead

Claims your glowing aura is great for his skin

You’re not sure if that’s a pick up line or if he’s serious but he definitely basks in your presence

Loves when you talk about the celestial realm, somewhere he desperately wants to go

I mean it's the only place that's fit for a beauty like him right? But of course he can’t die yet, his fans would be sooo upset

You agree to bring him up there one day, even if that sounds a little morbid

Of course he asks you to become his guardian angel

That may not be your actual job but you can’t resist his puppy dog eyes

You and him go pretty much everywhere together, bar some more xxx rated sites

He introduces you to parties and bars, and while you don’t indulge it's enjoyable to see humans in their natural element. They’re so fun and free spirited just like Asmo

Maybe that's what attracted you to him in the first place

He loves life for what it is, something so admirably human

But you don’t slack off either. You take your role as Official Guardian Angel seriously. You guard his drinks when he goes to the bathroom, and hum celestial lullabies when he’s sad and escort him down dark alleys when walking home. He has nothing to fear with you around.

You’ve become very fond of this human. Perhaps you’ll stick around a bit longer than you planned

Beel

It’s rare to be assigned to a human so...mundane

But that’s exactly what Beel is. He goes to the gym in the mornings, works a nine to five, and comes back home to his dog

He even has a good relationship with this family, do you know how hard that is to find in this day and age???

The only thing even slightly abnormal about this guy is his appetite

He could put a gluttony demon to shame with the way he eats

But the point is you really can’t figure out why you’ve been assigned to him or how your supposed to guide him

Eat a little less? Stop stealing your brother's lunch?

It’s the first time in a long while you’ve been so stumped

So you do what any sane angel would, go down to the human world to meet him yourself

He’s a likeable guy and it’s easy to get close to him, more so do to your angelic status

Although it’s surprising how well he takes the whole angel revelation

To be honest your pretty sure he forgets most of the time

He tends to follow you around, especially at night when he insists on walking you to wherever you need to be. It’s sweet even though there's little that can really harm you in the human realm

You quickly realize that he’s the type to have nightmares, usually calling out for one of his brothers or his sister

It’s become habit to wake up and head to his room

Just being there seems to calm him down

The first time he wakes up when your doing this he ends up asking you to stay

Isn’t shy about sharing the bed either.

He’s easy going so goes along with whatever idea you have

Especially when he starts finding snacks in his bag, each one blessed for a good day or to stay full or whatever little thing you thought of that day

Belphegor

Humans can’t see angels. Not unless they want to be seen, you remind yourself for what must be the tenth time.

But you’re almost certain that guy is looking right at you.

Step to the left, his head follows

To the right, his eyes narrow looking at you like your some puzzle he just hasn’t figured out yet

…this was fine

You turn around pretending to just not see him in hope that he’ll get distracted by something else

...you glance back. Why was he still looking at you? What is with this creep?

Enough is enough.

You march over there ready to ask what his problem is. Instead he beats you to it.

Eh? You’re an angel right? He asks before you can say anything.

???? Shouldn’t he sound more shocked.

The guy just sleepily blinks. He doesn’t look like a sorcerer or a witch, in fact you can’t feel any magic from him at all.

You go to ask only to realize he’s sound asleep. It’s not like you could just leave him here. And at the same time a human who can just see angels is an oddity of itself.

You decide to hang around for a while. Belphegor doesn't mind. He only says something about it being "too troublesome to drive you off," and "you'd look like you'd just come back anyways"

Belphie sticks to you like glue, if glue was absolutely insufferable and seemed to enjoy annoying you at every possible moment

You would think this would be easy. I mean he sleeps all day and when he’s not sleeping he’s napping. Simple enough right? Wrong

When he was awake he was committed to pushing every single button you have

If it seemed like it might inconvenience or annoy you he was already doing it. Trying to smack your halo, pounce on you, or even jump off the roof just to see you scramble to catch him. He was like some terrible terrible cat

Luckily he was never energetic for long. When he wore himself out he’d retreat to the roof of his crappy one bedroom and wait for you to join him

He liked to look at the stars and he’d point them out to you. Orion, Polaris, Sirius, he would mutter, bringing you back to the days when Michael, who was once so fond of you, would sneak you down to the human world just to show you the stars and darkness the celestial realm could not offer

When he finally got tired you would take over reciting Celestial names and marking the sky with your finger just to show him where they’d be.

Those times were pleasant. Even if they were brief.

“I’m gonna jump.”

“Do it.”

“You’re an angel. Aren’t you supposed to stop me before I do something stupid?”

“You won't.”

“Aight. Bet.” Belphie pitches forward and you just manage to catch him by the leg before he falls off the roof.

Brat.

Always ruining a good moment.

You can’t even be mad. The moment you pull him up he’s already resting his fluffy head in your lap waiting for you to pet him.

He may be the most troublesome human in the entire three realms, but he’s your human

[fictionadventurer]

There is an elaborate somewhat-more-politically-realistic Princess Diaries 2 AU that forever lives in my head, and is an important part of my soul even if I’m never going to write it.

It starts with Mia and Michael’s breakup. Michael wants to focus on his music and doesn’t want to be overshadowed by being “the boyfriend of the princess” walking half a step behind her at all times. Thus leaving Mia in exactly the same situation that her father was in with her mother. The parallel is heartbreaking and the story digs into the emotional fallout from it.

The media and politics are huge concerns. There’s a ton of controversy around the fact that Clarisse has brought in a random American teenager as heir. Now that Mia’s been here a few years, the fairy tale glow around her story has faded, making her just another politician in the eyes of Genovia. A very controversial one, since she’s an American outsider in this proud country’s political system. Mia’s getting attacked from all sides at the slightest provocation.

Mia’s uncle, Father Pierre Renaldi, is a significant supporting character. He had been raised as the crown prince and abdicated to join the church (which is canon per the first movie). After Philippe died, Pierre had a moment of doubt that he’d chosen the wrong vocation and doomed Genovia to a succession crisis. He was relieved when Mia took the job, and he’s appointed himself a sort of spiritual advisor/father figure. He knows the expectations of this role--he lived in it--so he can give Mia tons of useful advice. He also guides Mia spiritually, since she and her Mom were mostly agnostic and she now has to take a role as the queen of largely-Catholic Genovia.

Another significant source of support comes from her grandfather’s younger sister, Ann. (Of Roman Holiday fame. Since this is only an imaginary movie, she is played by a gracefully aged Audrey Hepburn). Ann’s more free-spirited ways provide a nice contrast to Clarisse’s graceful propriety and Pierre’s sober wisdom. Ann will, on rare but necessary occasions, kidnap Mia away from a day of royal duties to enjoy a day of freedom in Genovia. This has actually been extremely helpful in getting Mia to understand and connect with the people and the culture of her new nation. (Mia will often wear her curly hair and glasses to avoid detection on these days).

Once the news of Mia’s breakup with Michael becomes public, the tabloids go wild. Everyone is suddenly speculating about her marriage prospects--which brings to mind the crazy succession crisis that brought Mia to the throne, and suddenly everyone is worried about the production of heirs and the stability of the monarchy and Mia is absolutely sick of it.

Mia is good friends with Andrew, who’s a Genovian duke. Her grandmother constantly hints that he would be the perfect consort. The tabloids constantly circulate wild rumors about the two of them. They have absolutely no romantic feelings toward each other, and Mia is just relieved to have one person her age among the Genovian nobility who provides good, solid friendship without expecting any favors from her.

The breakup with Michael has made Mia realize that normal rules of love and romance don’t get to apply to royals, and when all the marriage speculation gets to be too overwhelming, she proposes to Andrew for all the very logical reasons that everyone suggests. Andrew is all for it, also seeing the logic of the choice. Mia convinces herself that she’ll be very happy with him.

The romance plot afterward is still very sketchy. She probably meets Nicholas on one of her Genovian holidays. Neither of them recognizes the other (Mia’s wearing her glasses and natural curls, and Nicholas looks nothing like the wild young lordling the tabloids love to plaster on their covers). They later meet at a royal ball and recognize each other. Nicholas’ family doesn’t much like this American interloper of a princess, so he kind of holds it over her head that he knows about her secret escapes from palace life.

But Mia’s able to banter right back by bringing up some of the (wildly exaggerated, but still concerning) stories of Nicholas’ wild behavior. Before the end of the night, they’re both more interested in the other than they’d like to admit.

She keeps running into Nicholas and keeps finding more to like about him. They’re both finding that the other one isn’t nearly as bad a person as they had initially believed. Nicholas is surprised to find that Mia’s got a sharp mind and good ideas for ruling Genovia. Mia’s surprised that Nicholas even cares about the ruling of Genovia--he had some wild times in college, but he does care about this nation.

Clarisse sees the spark of interest between the two of them and warns Mia away from it--no good can come from letting a Devereaux near the throne, and especially not this one. If Mia thinks the tabloids are too hard on her now, what will they say if she gets seduced by the tabloid bad-boy darling? And especially if she backs out of her already-public engagement? 

But the connection she has with Nicholas is starting to feel a lot more like love than the relationship she has with Andrew. After one particularly stern lecture from Clarisse on the subject, Mia goes to Ann for sympathy. She learns that even Ann once gave up love--sparked during one glorious day of freedom with a journalist in Rome--for duty. Mia’s dismayed.

There are talks with Father Pierre about the self-giving nature of marriage and the requirements for the sacrament.

There is still an archery scene, and I’d really like it to involve the real-life Olympics-type competition that occurs between the micro-nations of Europe. Nicholas is a competitive arche.

There are complications once the tabloids and Andrew find out about all this. Andrew and Mia come to the conclusion that whatever friendship they have isn’t enough to sustain a marriage.

One of the ways Nicholas proves his suitability as a romantic interest is by publicly breaking from his family’s political positions to support a policy of Mia’s. He believes in her as a queen and is willing to support her.

The fact that I can’t get any more specific than this about the actual romance part of it is why this AU will never get written, but I still love it.