#mostly because the details are killing me and i’m on mobile this took forever

[wawataka]

bones making it their mission to make the worst quality images known to man so i made it my mission to fix that @ofsunhillow

[buckyssoldat]

Chapter 16: Multi-tasking

Warnings: injuries, strong language

A/N: If you wanna be tagged in this, just send me an ask or a message. Feedback is always appreciated, don’t be shy to share your thoughts on this :)

Come together and fight together

Unite together as one

We gotta come together and fight together

Fight forever till we have one

Natasha skilfully drove the car through the streets, driving Steve and Alice to Shield’s headquarters. Once there, they quickly geared up and proceeded directly to a waiting Quinjet. As the aircraft flew over the vast expanse of the Indian Ocean, Agent Rumlow took the lead, providing a detailed explanation of the mission.

During the briefing, Alice couldn’t shake the uncanny feeling that she had some prior connection with Agent Rumlow. Despite it being only their third mission together, an inexplicable familiarity lingered on her mind. Deciding to put aside these thoughts, she focused on the imminent task at hand. Aware of the chaos of her mind, she was determined not to let personal reflections interfere with the mission’s success.

Rumlow gave the details of the mission – the hijacking of a mobile satellite launch platform, the Lemurian Star, by pirates.

“Did the pirates make any demands?” Alice asked while the platform was being projected onto the screen.

“Billion and a half,” Rumlow responded to her question.

“Why so steep?” Steve inquired, suspicious of the big amount of money being demanded by the pirates.

“Because it’s Shield’s,” Rumlow clarified.

“So, it’s not off-course. It’s trespassing,” Steve turned to Alice and Nat.

Natasha slowly turned her head to Steve, “I’m sure they have a good reason.”

Amidst the banter, Steve decided to express his frustration. “You know, I’m getting a little tired of being Fur’s janitor and I’m sure Onyx is too.”

“Relax. It’s not that complicated,” Natasha interjected, her attention back on the screen above her.

Ignoring Steve and Nat’s conversation, Alice turned to Rumlow. “How many pirates are there?”

“25. Top mercs led by this guy,” Rumlow showed the picture of a man on the screen. “Georges Batroc. EX-DGSE, Action Division. He’s at the top of Interpol’s Red Notice. Before the French demobilized him, he had 36 kill missions. This guy’s got a rep for maximum casualties.”

“So, someone paid Batroc to hijack the ship, right?” Alice said, “I can’t see Batroc having any kind of interest on what’s on that ship besides getting paid.”

“Maybe,” Steve agreed. “Hostages?”

“Mostly techs. One officer. Jasper Sitwell.” Rumlow showed the picture of the agent on the screen and, once again, Alice felt like she knew him. But that couldn’t be possible, right? She had only met Rumlow on missions and she had never seen Sitwell until now, yet their faces looked very familiar. “They’re in the galley.”

“What’s Sitwell doing on a launch ship?” Steve questioned but no one answered. “All right, Onyx and I are gonna sweep the deck and find Batroc. Nat, you kill the engines and wait for instructions. Rumlow, you sweep aft, find the hostages, get them to the life-pods, get them out. Let’s move.”

“STRIKE, you hear the Cap. Gear up.” Rumlow ordered his team.

Everyone started to gather their weapons and parachutes, getting ready to jump.

“Secure channel seven,” Steve checked the intercoms.

“Seven secure,” Alice and Natasha replied at the same time.

“Did you two do anything fun Saturday night?” The Black Widow asked the two soldiers.

“Went to the movies to watch ‘The Theory of Everything’” Alice was putting her knives on her holsters, “I think Steve cried, but he denies it.” Natasha chuckled and Steve ignored them.

“Coming up on the drop zone, Cap,” the pilot warned, and Steve pressed the button to lower the ramp of the Quinjet.

“You know, if you two are always together, why you just don’t go out on a date? You’re both single,” Natasha teased her friends.

“Ew”, Alice answered in disgust before she and Cap jumped.

“Were they wearing a parachute?” An agent asked Rumlow.

“No,” Rumlow replied with a smirk on his face. “No, they weren’t.”

Both submerged into the warm and swam until they found the anchor, eventually climbing it to reach the ship’s deck. Quietly, they began taking out every man in their path.

“You go right, I’ll go left,” Alice told the captain as they encountered two armed men. Subsequently, they that splitting up would clear the deck faster. Alice took out each mercenary effortlessly, almost without breaking a sweat. They reconvened at the front of the ship, where she noticed a man pointing a gun at Steve. In a matter of seconds, she grabbed the man’s shoulders, turned him around, and delivered a knew to his groin. While he groaned in pain, Alice struck him in the head with her food, knocking him out instantly.

“Remind me to never get on your bad side,” Steve chuckled.

The Strike team and Natasha arrived shortly after.

“If you two won’t date each other, at least let me find you someone,” Natasha remarked as she walked between them. “Steve, what about the nurse across the hall? She’s kinda nice. And for you, Alice, I know someone. He’s Canadian, has a bit of a temper, but he’s a good guy.”

“Secure the engine room, then find us dates,” Steve ordered.

“I’m multi-tasking,” she replied before leaping down the deck.

Steve and Alice continued walking in silence, occasionally knocking out someone. The captain tossed a small device at the control room window, allowing them to eavesdrop on the ongoing conversation.

“STRIKE’s team in position,” they heard Rumlow through the intercoms.

Steve raised his wrist near his mouth. “Natasha, what’s your status? After a few seconds of silence, Alice repeated, “Nat, what’s your status?”

“Hang on!” Natasha yelled to her intercom. “Engine room secure.”

“On my mark,” Steve announced, “Three…Two…One.”

The STRIKE team initiated the hostage rescue, while Alice and Steve advanced to the control room. Steve threw his shield against the window, shattering it. Afterwards, they jumped inside. While Steve chased Batroc, Alice engaged the three men already throwing knives at her.

“Hostages en route to extraction,” Rumlow reported through the intercoms. “Romanoff missed the rendezvous point, Cap. Hostiles are still in play.”

“Alice, Natasha, Batroc’s on the move,” Steve warned his friends. “Circle back to Rumlow and protect the hostages. Natasha? Alice?”

Alice finished fighting the three men and started looking for Batroc and Steve. Encountering two more men, she had to engage in combat. After incapacitating them, she found Steve fighting Batroc. As she moved to help, Steve managed to knock out Batroc while running to a room.

“Well, this is awkward,” Natasha commented without taking her eyes off the computer she was typing on.

“What are you doing, Nat?” Alice asked her friend.

“Backing up the hard drive,” she answered, exchanging glances with them. “It’s a good habit to get into.”

“Rumlow needed your help,” Steve started walking towards Natasha. “What the hell are you doing here?” Both he and Alice acknowledged the screens, realizing Natasha’s actions. “You’re saving Shield intel.”

“Whatever I can get my hands on,” Natasha admitted.

“Our mission is to rescue hostages, not steal from our bosses, Natasha,” Alice stared at her friend in disbelief.

“No, that’s yours and Cap’s mission,” she quickly took off the hard drive from the computer. “And you two have done it beautifully.”

As Natasha attempted to leave, Steve quickly grabbed her arm. “You just jeopardized this whole operation.”

“I think that’s overstating things,” she calmly replied.

Suddenly, Batroc, who had woken up, threw a grenade at them. With impeccable reflexes, Alice kicked the grenade to the other side of the room while it was still in the air. Steve grabbed Natasha, and they jumped through a window to a different division, with Alice following closely behind. They landed on the ground just as the grenade exploded, luckily avoiding serious injuries.

Natasha groaned in pain. “Okay. That one’s on me.”

“Yes, it is,” Alice spat. She still couldn’t believe Natasha was stealing information from Shield.

Alice and Steve got up and tried to find Batroc, but he had already escaped.

“Well, goddamn it, Natasha,” Alice sighed.

   ← previous chapter           next chapter →

masterlist

[selfmademen]

Top Surgery Experience

Okay, so I said I would do a write up of my top surgery experience and I’ve finally gotten around to it. Uni started right after so I’ve been fairly frazzled.

Please feel free to ask any questions you may have! I’ll do my best to answer them.

To start with, I currently live in NSW, Australia. There are a few Australian top surgeons, but as a NSW resident my best bet was Dr Steven Merten, with Pure Aesthetics in Sydney. Because Australia has a public healthcare system I was able to get my top surgery under that scheme. As far as I’m aware Dr Merten is the only top surgeon who offers this surgery through the public system. He works in partnership with Concord Hospital in Sydney, and that’s where I had my surgery. If you go privately there are other options for the hospital you stay at. There are pros and cons to the public system, which I’ll detail below.

Pros:

I paid $500~ out of pocket instead of between $5k and $10k (if you have private health insurance it may cover some)

Since he’s in my state I didn’t have to travel far

He’s one of the most experienced top surgeons in the state

there’s two places for appointments, either at his clinic or at the Macquarie uni rooms

Cons:

because I went publicly he didn’t perform the surgery personally, rather a registrar did. However, he was in the room the entire time overseeing the operation.

because he’s so popular I had to wait a full year from the first consultation to the actual surgery date

 it was extremely hard to get onto the wait list due to how popular he is.

the public system is only available to NSW residents over 18

I was lucky in that my GP at the time knew him professionally and called in a favour so that I knew the moment his books were open, and I am forever grateful for that. It is MUCH easier to get an appointment with him through the private system, but that’s a lot more expensive. For me, the pros far outweighed the cons here, and I decided I could wait a year for my surgery. I had also intended to lose weight beforehand, but that didn’t happen. Woops.

Prior to my first consultation I needed a referral both from my GP, and a registered psychologist or psychiatrist detailing my transition and documented dysphoria surrounding my breasts. The first consultation was $300 iirc, and I paid a $100 deposit, so only paid $200 on the day. Medicare also gave me a $100-something rebate.

The first consultation was fairly quick. He asked some questions about my transition, what my expectations were regarding surgery, detailed my options, and explained the procedures. He measured my breasts, but never touched me (I kinda just picked them up and moved them where he asked). He also took a photo of my chest, with my consent.

I didn’t actually hear from them until about three months before my surgery because my details got lost, but USUALLY the hospital will get in contact with you regarding your surgery date, what you should expect, and when your pre-op consultation is. I also had to fill out a pre-op health questionnaire and personal details. Due to my high level of haemoglobin as a side effect of T, I was required to provide them with more recent blood test results, but you may not have to do this. Usually there is also a pre-op appointment with the nurses and anethetist at the hospital, but the nurse I spoke to said that I didn’t need to go if I didn’t have any pressing concerns.

My pre-op consult with Dr Merten was a couple of weeks before my surgery, however, it’s usually around the same time. This one was $100, and I also had to pay $130 for a medical compression vest which I have to wear for up to three weeks post-op. Again, Medicare partially reimbursed my consultation fee, but not the vest.

During this consultation we basically covered the same things, and I also saw a nurse who told me what medications to avoid, and briefed me on post op care. She also gave me my medical vest, wound tape, and some pamphlets.

Some things she covered:

smokers should stop smoking 12 weeks before surgery

 you should limit your alcohol intake the week before surgery, and don’t drink alcohol AT ALL during the two days immediately prior to surgery

no herbal medications, asparin, ibuprofen, or other blood thinners for two weeks prior to surgery. IF YOU ARE ON BLOOD THINNERS FOR MEDICAL REASONS THIS MAY BE DIFFERENT FOR YOU.

do not eat or drink anything from midnight the night before your surgery. Morning medication (antidepressants in my case) can be taken with a sip of water.

 the night before and morning of surgery I had to shower with a special soap that was provided in order to kill bacteria on my skin.

I did have to call the admissions centre the day before my surgery to confirm my appointment time. For me it was 8:30. Before going in I had a brief interview with a nurse, who took down my details and checked me for allergies and medical conditions. I was given my wrist bands (red, since I have a codeine allergy), and directed up to where I would meet the nurses. There I changed into the operating gown (you can keep your undies on) and compression socks due to my weight.

I was taken to a prep room before the operating theatre where Dr Merten marked my chest. Basically where things would be cut, lipo’d, etc. I was feeling nervous so the anethetist also came in, did my canula and gave me something to relax (don’t know what it was). He was extremely kind and friendly, and said he was honoured to be included in this part of my journey, which I honestly thought was an incredibly sweet thing to say, and I’m very grateful for how he looked after me.

The relaxation shit kinda made me dopey, and pretty much immediately I was wheeled into the theatre. They had me wriggle from the bed onto the table, I nearly fell off, but it was all good. I don’t really remember much from here, but there was some music playing, and the nurses and registrar were setting up.

At this point the anethetist put the mask on and told me to take some deep breaths. I remember it tasting and smelling really weird, and the next thing I know I was waking up in recovery.

I’m not sure how long I was in recovery for because I kept drifting in and out, but they gave me something for the pain and then wheeled me to the ward. I started waking up properly around this time, had a chat with the people transporting me, and by the time I was in the ward I was fully alert (and really needed to pee).

Because of my size and the way the surgery worked out, I did have a few staples at the ends of my incisions, and I also had to put the compression vest on. I also had drains, with bags that needed to be changed every twelve hours. Nurses would also come and take my blood pressure and check that everything was okay and that I wasn’t in too much pain. They were all extremely welcoming and accepting, never misgendered me once, and even double checked my name and pronouns to ensure that everyone knew. My mate was also allowed to stay with me pretty much the whole day until dinner, which really helped me cos I’m bad with hospitals.

After surgery I was stiff and ached a little, but there wasn’t too much pain. I was able to go to the toilet myself, although wiping was very difficult for the first week.

I stayed overnight, and was discharged the next day. They gave me anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, and some opiates to help the pain. I should note here that I do have an extremely high pain tolerance, so outside of days where I pushed myself a bit too far, I generally didn’t need to use them.

I’m unsure if my experience is unusual, as I was able to do pretty much everything immediately post-op. Of course, I’ve been taking it easy, but dressing, sleeping, cooking, moving, has all so far been generally okay. I have had some pain on days where I moved about too much, or sat up too much, but that’s also partially chronic pain flaring up due to my bad back.

I was discharged with my drains still in, as I’m a bleeder. Usually with Dr Merten they’re removed before discharge, but I was sent home with some bags and instructed to change them every 24 hours and keep a record of how much had drained. I think I wound up keeping my drains in for around a week before they were removed.

I went to the medical centre twice to have my dressings changed and drains checked (and eventually removed), and was sent home with a sterile staple remover for my GP to remove my staples with. They’ll be coming out at the end of the week. The drains didn’t hurt when removed, it just felt like an odd tugging sensation. The stitches Dr Merten used are dissolving ones, so no need to get them taken out.

I do have to change my nipple dressings every three days, and the tape on my incisions can stay on for up to a week. The stuff I use is extremely strong and has glue on it, so I’m a bit hesitant to change it on my own (nearly ripped a staple out last time I changed my dressings).

I’m roughly three weeks post-op now, and I have pretty much all my mobility back. Showering is difficult, as is bending over or reaching to one side (tugs on my incisions). There is pain when I do things, but unless something actively tugs at, touches, or puts pressure on my wounds I’m not in any pain. Mostly its just an annoyance at this stage.

I’m still sleeping on my back, although I can lie on my side for short periods of time. There’s some bruising around my armpits where I had liposuction, and there is a small numb patch on my left side. I can’t feel my nipples, but I also couldn’t feel them prior to this so it’s not a huge loss.

I’ve seen some people say that they felt depressed post-op because of a hormone fluctuation, but personally when I saw my chest it felt natural and right. I didn’t cry (not a big crier) and I wasn’t surprised or shocked or… overwhelmed. To me it was my outer body finally reflecting my inner self. I already looked like this in my own mind, so it was just natural that it looks the way it does post-op.

Unfortunately some dysmorphia and self-esteem issues surrounding my weight have resurfaced, but that’s not really related to the top surgery, and it’s something I’m able to work on as I recover.

If there’s something I haven’t covered that you’re curious about, please send an ask! I’ve tried to be as thorough as possible, but its been a few weeks and some details are fuzzy.

[kursed-pixels]

What was your old au GlitchShift about?

WOW I have not thought about GlitchShift in literally forever?? But what a refreshing question! :D

Although be warned, it’s a bit of a long explanation to make any sense and I can’t exactly do that thing Ppl do when they want to collapse and hide long word counts on mobile!

So!! GS was pretty much me wanting an excuse for some Sans Angst and also a way to combine a theory of mine, haha. It started with the question, “what if the Fundamental Essential Laws of a universe began to break down due to too much bending, thanks to Frisk’s RESETs?”

Now, this would assume a number of things; that Frisk is an asshole, for one, who doesn’t mind murdering all of their one-time friends for the chance at discovering absolutely all there is to know about the Underground. Another assumption would be that Sans definitely, indubitably remembers RESETs.

So, what happens if a universe - in this instance the word universe referring to an AU - begins to breakdown with timespace going a bit wonky? Think of it as... well, Shiny Timelines appearing with more frequency before the inevitable hard reboot! (Sort of like shiny Pokemon, haha - something might be off, like dialogue, or the color of someone’s hair. Imagine seeing a white-haired Undyne, or red-scaled Alphys!)

So Frisk RESETs way more in an effort to see all the variations — and I’m imagining that physically, they’re at least 12. Who knows about mentally/emotionally after all their RESETing, that’s probably up to your own imagination! — which, while certainly brings up Variations, is also a Very Bad Idea; cue one too many RESET, and the universe reboots like an overworked computer! The result? Bye-bye Undertale AU variant, hello Underfell.

I think you can guess where I’m going with this!

So yeah, the cycle starts all over again; Frisk wants to find out EVERYTHING about their new universe, although in the original drafts for this entire AU it read like an attempted but ultimately failed Timeline Fixit Fanfic in that Frisk and Sans ultimately had to give redoing their lives a go lmao.

As an aside, Sans on his end is freaking out regardless because new universe?? No one he knows is the same, at all?? Sans Is Freaking Out??? A too nice guy, like any regular UT native in UF, Does Not Handle A Kill Or Be Killed Society Well. (Is this also a bad Bro au starting Papyrus as the natural bad bro considering Underfell’s typical rep? Well...)

So yeah: Sans remembers both Undertale and Underfell, and it seriously fucks with him lmao. It’s just his luck that the cycle begins again with Frisk by the time they appear; though since it’s been quite a few years by this point, Sans is certainly more than a fair bit agressive and active in Trying To Get Frisk To Stop!

(Though if he succeeded, there wouldn’t be anymore to say. =) )

So, Sans tries to Agressively Persuage Frisk to stop. Does it work? Not in the slightest! What’s a bit of death and pain to someone who can just go back along the timeline and try, try again? So the whole Shiny Timeline Incidents, UF version happens after a great deal of Timeline Murder on both sides here, to Frisk’s immense frustration. Sans c’mon it’s all in the name of science, Frisk probably says at some point. Kid what in the actual hell, Sans would reply if they did.

Anyways, anyways!! There’s plenty of fun details to be had on both and, but the obvious conclusion is this; Underswap can, will, and DOES eventually occur. And you know what, Sans decides fuck it. He misses Bro 1.0, he’s Tired[tm], and the role is a Sans in this Au is obvious, so he decides to quite clearly embrace his role here. It’s certainly not the worst coping mechanism, though probably still not the healthiest considering that a bunch of Denial going on!

But then Chara’s there instead of Frisk, and Chara’s an actual kid in the way Frisk hasn’t been for years.

That’s really as far as I ever got in planning GlitchShift, haha — it mostly boiled down to Timeline Shenanigans and Trauma, Trauma, Trauma!!

Anyways, Anon, thanks for the ask — sorry if the details of GlitchShift are a disappointment or anything, but it took me a hot second to remember which AU of mine this is and I ended up writing an entire textbook over it! 😅

[thatssomental-blog]

Too Coward for the "Coward's Way Out": Living with Passive Suicidal Ideation

TW: This article may be hard for some to read, but is intended to assist others who may be dealing with passive, or active, suicidal ideations. The following text contains details of suicidal thoughts (without intent) and mentions self harm (briefly, and without detail), in addition to depression and it’s relationship with suicidal thoughts. 

So many people label suicide as the “coward’s way out”. If that’s true, then why is it that I feel like a coward because I could never follow through? Passive suicidal ideation is defined as wishing you were dead or that you could die, but having no intention to take your own life. Whereas, active suicidal ideation means one is not only struggling with these thoughts, but may have full intention, or a plan already in place, to take their own life. Passive suicidal ideation is still a risk factor among patients with depression and suicidal thoughts, and just because you are not planning your great escape from this world now, doesn’t mean you should skip out on your therapy sessions. All that being said, it is very real, your thoughts are just as valid, and you are not alone in feeling the way that you do.

Before I continue, I would like to specify that “wishing you were dead or that you could die” isn’t a reference to how you feel waking up in the morning, before you reluctantly drag yourself to work/school, it is in reference to a very real, deep desire to stop living, that may come or go, or may stay with you incessantly, even on your best days when everything seems hunky-dory. I am specifying this, because as someone who suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, the mental illnesses that myself and others suffer through daily are not meant to be #relatable, just because you like things neatly organized or hate your job/school.

My own struggle with suicidal thoughts is a plague that I can't seem to get rid of. I suffered from them long before I even knew what suicide truly was. I was about 14 when the first thought came along, and I clearly remember it. I was putting away the clean dishes and took a knife from the dishwasher. I stood there for about five minutes straight, just staring at it, and thinking that I could just slash my wrist open and the numbness I’d been feeling for weeks would all go away. I scared myself with that thought, put the knife away, and didn’t do it; I couldn’t do it, and I wouldn’t have done it. I can’t remember any other thoughts as vividly as that single instance, but sometimes they were there, and sometimes they weren’t, and every time I had them I could never bring myself to act on them.

Health care is necessary for a healthy life. In the US healthcare is expensive, whether you have coverage or not. Health Insurance, especially with Mental Health included, is hard to come by. Even if you’re one of the “lucky” ones that manages to land a job that provides it, a good plan for yourself, not to mention a whole family, can easily eat up what little bit of wages you work for, and have to live off of. In the past several years, life has been difficult for me, though it was mostly adjusting to living the independent life, learning how to pay bills, and learning how to take care of myself. Despite all of the challenges and obstacles I’ve faced in that time, I was doing pretty well. Even through the trauma of sudden death, which my family is not equipped to handle, I managed. Within the past eight months, I attempted to better my situation by leaving a toxic work environment and moving on to something new. Unfortunately, by choosing to leave that job I also left what little health coverage I had, and since have had to move on to even worse challenges and obstacles, all with untreated, depression, anxiety, body and gender dysphoria, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If you’ve never been through that, I’ll tell you right now that it is hell, and as petty as I am, I wouldn’t wish anything I’ve been through on my worst enemies.

Factoring in all of the above, with the soul crushing feeling that your whole life and all of your freedom is crashing down around you, like an imploding dumpster fire, it really adds up. In my last few months before moving back home with Mom and Dad, something none of us want to do even if we love our parents with a fiery passion, I was at rock bottom. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything but the bare minimum, which made moving day tougher than it already was, and left me feeling hopeless and drained of life. I would lay on my couch for hours, wrapped in a blanket, staring at the wall with an empty mind and heavy heart, it was the worst I had ever been, and I allowed myself to wallow in it, only making it worse.

Even now that I am home, and surrounded by the love of my family, I frequently wish I was dead. I don’t think such things only when everything is going wrong in my life, but the harder times get the more I just want all the pain to go away. I think of scenarios in which I could put myself out of my misery. I own a gun, I have access to others, and medications, not to mention every knife in the block or kitchen drawer that could easily end all of my suffering. But, why is it that despite my desires to no longer deal with life's stresses, my battle with my seemingly, ever changing, gender identity, and my unbridled hatred for the world we live in and the multitude or horrible people in it, do I refrain? Why, when it seems like the only option for peace of mind and escape from the emotions I can’t control, can I not do it? Why, when I wish for the calming embrace of death, do I fear strangers who could kill me in cold blood? Why, if I want to die, did I seek medical attention, without any health coverage, and go to the ER when I legitimately thought I was dying?

Fear of the unknown. I was raised in the Christian faith from a very young age, and was even baptized twice. My mother was raised within that same faith, and my father is an atheist. Despite my current pagan-leaning/agnostic dogma, there is a fear bread into me from childhood that I will burn in hell. Since becoming “woke”, so to say, I have completely denounced the Christian god for what he is. Despite my genuine certainty that this god does not exist, and if he does, he’s actually quite a terrible deity, because of how I was raised, I will more than likely carry that fear of denouncing him and burning in hell with me, for the rest of my life. Religion aside, and taking things from an atheistic perspective, maybe I’m just going into a hole in the ground when I die, but the thought of everything being black forever is also terrifying for me. Even though I am aware that, in this scenario, I will literally not be conscious of my own death, it is almost impossible for me to wrap my head around it, and as someone who has exhibited a very present case of FOMO all of their life, that just doesn’t fly with me. Regardless of whether we go to sit at Odin’s table in Valhalla, or up to a magic golden kingdom in the clouds where everyone is happy and wants for nothing, or we just literally kill over like a toy with dead batteries, no one actually knows until they actually die.

Fear of failure. I have had a very hard time succeeding at pretty much everything I’ve tried in life. No matter what I do, I never feel like the product is good enough. I am my own worst critic, and, on top of that, I am a rage-quitter. If I am not instantly or naturally good at something, I get bent out of shape when I mess it up, maybe I cry, then I quit, and I move on. (Though that statement doesn’t apply to absolutely everything, it applies to a pretty big chunk of things.) One of the greatest fears that keeps me from “attempting” is knowing that if I mess up, I may not recover. Some people are saved at the last minute, and depending on what you’ve done to yourself, sometimes the wounds or the manner in which you’ve attempted will mend. However, if some things are done incorrectly, i.e. putting a bullet in your brain, or a fall that just wasn’t quite big enough to kill you, you may still survive, but there could be permanent consequences such as brain damage, loss of mobility, etc. I’m sure you catch my drift. I suppose this also technically falls under fear of the unknown, because you never truly know what’s going to happen until it does. Sometimes you just have to stop and ask yourself, would you rather be depressed and fully functional to the best of your capabilities? Or depresses and handicapped, and therefore, with your anxious/depressed brain, if it works anything like mine, an even heavier burden on those around you?

Forcing others to suffer. I am very lucky to have an amazing family that is full of love. Even for those of us living a life that others may not agree with, disowning and/or not loving one another is not in our vocabulary. I am very close to my mother and my grandmother, and it would devastate them beyond comprehension. That used to be my only line of thinking, however things have happened and times have changed. Less than two years ago, we buried my grandmother’s youngest child, my mother’s youngest sister, and one of my best friends, who was more like my sister than my aunt, along with her unborn son. Even if I intended to follow through on my own suicidal thoughts, and even excluding the above reasons, I could never force my mother to bury her only child, or my grandmother to bury another grandchild. I also have an amazing SO and friends who would at least be a little devastated, as well.

I just can’t. Ignoring every other reason I have included, I just can’t do it. Despite my fear of death, failure, and hurting those I love most, I just don’t have it in me. It’s not the pain that I worry about, one could easily swallow a bunch of sleeping pills and hope to not wake up, and as much as I hate to admit it, I have physically self harmed before, way back in my teen years. I don’t know how else to explain it, other than I just can’t. I have a huge fear of missing out, if I don’t know all the details of something it will drive me nuts, and I hate surprises. Despite how great it would be to just not have to worry, and despite how hopeless I feel, there is a part of me that knows something better is coming. If I were to take my own life, there are countless things I would miss out on, things I’ve always wanted and things that I may not even know that I want yet. The future is a mystery, and I’ll never find out what it holds if I don’t have one.

Do those things make my suicidal thoughts invalid? No, and though your reasons behind your lack/full intent may differ from mine, they do not make yours any less valid, either.

I am by no means encouraging suicide, though if you ever lose your battle just know that I will never call you a coward when you’re gone. Suicide is the final side-effect of losing your battle with a very real illness, one that may not be visible to even those closest to you.

My parting wisdom is this: Whether you intend to follow through on your suicidal ideations or not, if you take your own life, you will never be around to see it get better. I know it seems hopeless, I personally feel hopeless about 95% of the time, and I know that sometimes it seems like the only escape from not only the world, but your own mind. I really do. I know it hurts, and even if I don’t know what you’re going through, or how you feel, perseverance is the answer, not death. If you are strong enough to make it this far, through all the grief and torment and suffering, then you are strong enough to build your own future. Please don’t take that away from yourself, no matter how much you may want to.

If you, or someone you love is feeling suicidal, please check thatssomental.tumblr.com/resources for a list of suicide and mental help phone lines, chats, and websites.

©thatssomental.tumblr.com 2019

[imagine-loki]

The Sound of Silence

TITLE: The Sound of Silence CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 39/47 AUTHOR: nekoamamori ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you are mute, and Loki comes to Avengers tower for the first time. Loki asks you a question and you answer through sign language. Loki looks at you crazy and thinks your making fun of him, he starts yelling saying that you should respect him since he’s a god and prince.  RATING: T+ NOTES/WARNINGS: Also on AO3 Click here

     Your words, your tone must have registered. You saw Loki whip his head up to look at you and finally recognized the tears in your eyes. You gave him a small smile as you took one step back, then another.

    [Forgive me] you signed, knowing that he wouldn’t for a long time, if ever.

    You heard his muffled yells behind the duct tape. Duct tape was not the most effective gag ever, but it was all you could steal quickly, so it had to do in a pinch. The tears spilled from your eyes before you made it to the door.

    “I love you,” you whispered again. Really for the last time this time. You couldn’t help it. It was the last opportunity after all.

    You slipped out of the room before his heartbreak could stop you, before you could go to him and spill your soul and let him stop you. He would definitely try to stop you. You closed the door behind you and smirked at the little sign on the door:

    Angry Loki inside. Do not enter.

    You wiped the tears from your eyes roughly. Fury was waiting for you and wisely didn’t comment besides an “Are you sure?” You nodded firmly. You walked with him to the medical bay just down the hall.

    You tapped Fury’s arm to get his attention. [Tell him? After it’s done?]

    He glared at you, but softened when he remembered all of the many reasons you were doing this, including preventing a war between Earth and Asgard. “I’ll see what I can do, but you may have to do it yourself. Boyfriend isn’t exactly the most pleasant when you have him this riled.” You pointed to your wedding ring.

    [Husband] you corrected firmly, though the tears were back in your eyes. Would Loki actually want to stay with you after this? Much less be your husband? He hadn’t really agreed to it in the first place after all. Was divorce even a thing on Asgard or was he just going to kill you and be done with it?

    “You’re going to have to tell me what the hell happened on Asgard after we finish saving the world,” Fury told you firmly.

    [I’m Asgardian now] you warned him. He cursed at that sudden revelation.

    You nodded and stepped into the med room with him. There was an entire crew of surgeons and nurses waiting for you, all scrubbed in and ready for this. “Time for Plan Z everyone, you’ve prepared for this. It’s changed slightly. Y/N is Asgardian now. Don’t ask, we don’t have time for it. Drug her like you would Thor and she’ll heal just as fast. She doesn’t need or want to know what the details on what the procedure entails, which is better for all of our safety. Whatever you do, don’t fuck it up. She’s a member of the Avengers Initiative and potentially more importantly Loki’s wife.” There were gasps at that. Everyone knew you were dating Loki and what he’d done to get you back from Hydra, but no one besides Fury had known you were married. And he only knew as of about thirty seconds ago. “You know damn well that he will kill every single person on this boat if this procedure does not go as planned. This is the most VIP patient you will ever have. Loki is also on board and…. antsy as hell,” Fury warned them all, though that was the understatement of the century. He may have also been overstating how much Loki cared about you right this moment. “So do this quickly and don’t fuck it up,”

    “No pressure,” one of the nurses muttered. No one even looked at her. That was safer since Fury looked about ready to kill her.

    Fury gave you one final look. “You’re absolutely sure this is the only way?” he asked. You nodded. “Then go before that husband of yours gets even more antsy.” You nodded again and let the nurses lead you behind a screen to change into hospital clothes, which was thankfully something resembling scrubs instead of one of those godawful backless gowns.

    You were settled on the table, there was one final confirmation, the anesthesia mask was placed over your nose and mouth to knock you out quickly, then the procedure began.

    *

    You don’t know how long you were out, and you felt like shit when Fury was desperately shaking you awake. “C’mon kid, knock that anesthesia off quickly. Loki and the team are all in a right state. I can’t keep the Avengers from finding you much longer.” You blinked stupidly and managed to sit up.

    [It’s done?] you asked, your hands numbly slow.

    “Yes, it’s done. Are you awake? I know it’s bad to rush coming out of that medical crap, but we need you up. Now.” You nodded and reached up to your throat. It hurt like hell. Which was to be expected. “We couldn’t get to Loki to tell him what you did, so you’re going to have to do it yourself. Can you stand?” Fury asked, looking actually concerned, not for you, but for whatever Loki would do to all of the agents and his ship if he wasn’t calmed soon. He didn’t trust Stark’s restraints to hold Loki forever. You nodded and swung your legs over the side of the bed. Fury helped you get to your feet and made sure you stayed there. You shook the last of the sleep and weakness from your brain. You were going to need your wits and every ounce of luck you had to deal with Loki if he had Fury this unnerved. “Thank God you’re Asgardian now or you’d never be up and mobile this fast.” You still weren’t sure you were up and mobile. You were pretty out of it and fighting to stay on this side of conscious. It was too soon for you to be moved and it hurt like hell, but there was a job to do.

    Fury led you back to the room where Loki was waiting as fast as possible. You could feel Loki’s rage from out here. You touched Fury’s shoulder reassuringly. He didn’t have to come in with you. He looked relieved that he didn’t have to try to help with this. Dealing with an angry Loki was well above his paygrade, especially when you were around. You stepped inside to face Loki’s wrath alone. He was still bound and gagged. Fury was right, no one had been able to get near him, or they hadn’t braved it. Cowards.

    You rushed over to him to free him, disregarding his rage. You expected it and knew it was mostly aimed at you. And still you moved without fear, trusting that even in his rage, he wouldn’t kill you without at least an explanation, not with all you had been through together. You moved too fast in your rush to free him and the world was turning black. You weren’t as awake or free of the meds as you had pretended for Fury. You worked quickly to undo the bonds on Loki’s wrists.

    He used magic to remove the duct tape, which was way faster and easier than ripping it off manually. He was on his feet, glaring down at where you were still kneeling next to the chair he’d been sitting in. You’d had to kneel to reach the manacles. Now you weren’t sure you could get back up. You had to try, you couldn’t face him on your knees. Especially not in your current state. “What did you do?!” Loki raged. “You tricked me and lied to me. Tell me. What. Did. You. Do?!!” he roared. You struggled to your feet to face him, using the chair to leverage yourself to your feet.

    And promptly fell into a dead faint.

    That was not how this conversation was supposed to go.

    *

    When you came to again, you found that you were tucked safely in the bed in the same small room. Loki was sitting on the edge of it. The chair was no more than a twisted pile of metal. Loki looked over at you when you sat up. He was still angry, beyond angry, but an ever so slight amount of his rage seemed to have dissipated.

    “That was one way to postpone getting yelled at,” he told you dryly. “Kindly don’t do it again,” his words were dry, but his tone gave you a glimmer of hope. Just a glimmer. He wasn’t raging. That was a good sign. But only slightly. It was going to take a lot to win his trust back. If you even could.

    [I’m sorry] you signed sheepishly. You hadn’t meant to pass out. [Fury moved me too soon so I could get back to you]. He nodded, accepting that piece, however grudgingly.

    “You owe me an explanation, Lady,” Loki told you, his voice icy and too formal. At least he wasn’t yelling. Or breaking things. Or killing you. Yet.

    You nodded. [I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry for the trick] you told him quickly. He gave you a look.

    “I don’t want apologies. I want an explanation,” he growled. You didn’t want to tell him, didn’t want him even more pissed at you, but there was no choice. You signed slowly, making sure that he could keep up with your words. It was important and your computer wasn’t here to make sure your words were clear. You couldn’t ask Loki to summon it either he was too angry to appease you, so you had to rely on signing.

    [It was the only way. Odin won’t follow us, because we no longer have what he wants] Loki raised an eyebrow and looked ready to question you, but you pressed on. [Fury had a back-up plan, Plan Z, a last resort in case my powers were truly out of control. He never intended to use it, trusting that the Avengers would help me learn to use them properly. I made him use it. I’m sorry I had to trick you, but you would never go along with it if you knew what I was doing…]

    “Lady,” he growled. “What. Did. You. Do?” he demanded again.

    You sighed, looked down at your lap, then bravely up at the hurt and pain in his eyes. You had to tell him. You had to tell him what you did. Slowly, carefully and as clearly as you could, you signed out what you had been dreading telling him.

    [I gave up my powers. I gave up my voice. Forever]

[thegrayship]

i have had a couple of antis pop up on posts saying that shipping reylo was endorsing abuse... or something. i’m not immune to feeling bad whenever people harrass me about the fictional characters i ship.

but whenever it happens, i just remind myself something i learned in acting school:

i trained for two years in a private conservatory and something that came up a lot was when students were given violent, villainous, or otherwise unsavory roles. they (or i) would get uncomfortable at the moment of violence and it would be so hesitant as to be out of character or unbelievable.

my coach inevitably had to drill it into us (paraphrased): “the hesitation is because you think this is really happening or that it reflects on you as a person. it is not real because once the scene is over, your partner will get up and go about the rest of their day just fine. it does not reflect on you as a person, because you are not portraying yourself.”

it took me a while to really understand this, but one thing that helped the most was remembering the games i played as a kid.

CONTENT WARNING: I TELL AN EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD. IT CONCERNS A POOP MONSTER. IT’S UNDER THE READMORE BUT IF YOU’RE ON MOBILE SCROLL DOWN TO THE SECOND LINE OF ASTERISKS.

*******************************************************************************************

being a pretty imaginative kid, i would play out stories with my sister. and since we were only two people, we would inevitably switch off to play different roles in conversations.

we were both girls growing up in 90s america so sometimes it would be stories about lisa frank style unicorns and fairies. other times, it would be about poop monsters in swamps.

the poop monster was a recurring character for an embarrassingly long time. this is where i rely mostly on 20 year old memories because i am not currently strong enough to ask my sister, ‘hey, remember that poop monster we told stories about when we were kids?’

i do remember that for about an entire week in a row after we got home from school, we would excitedly stand in the living room and shout, “LETS TELL A STORY ABOUT THE POOP MONSTER!!”

we got grossly detailed. “PEOPLE COULD SMELL THE HORRIBLE POOP MONSTER FROM A MILE AWAY BECAUSE HE WAS SO STINKY AND THEY RAN AWAY SCREAMING AND THROWING UP.” and to our eight year old selves, it was so funny we’d laugh till our sides hurt.

we got violent. “AND THE HERO OF THE DAY STOMPED HIM INTO A MILLION BAJILLION PIECES AND SPRAYED AIR FRESHENER OVER THE PIECES AND HE DISAPPEARED FOREVER.” (but we’re going to tell another story about him tomorrow.) it was a pretty even tradeoff between who mimed the killing and who died dramatically on the floor. sometimes one of us would mime the killing AND the dying in rapid succession and then the other would go, “OKAY MY TURN!!” and act out a different way.

does this mean that two eight year old girls had no sense of hygiene because their favorite story was about a poop monster? did our constant reenactments of murder and death scenes mean we harbored actual homicidal or suicidal thoughts?

NO.

*******************************************************************************************

as children, we could laugh about literal toilet humor while still taking baths and still thinking it was gross when actual classmates said they didn’t brush their teeth. we apologized when we accidentally hurt someone. sometimes we would fight and pulled each other’s hair or slap each other, and apologizing might take a little longer depending on how angry we were. BUT EVENTUALLY we still said we were sorry and tried not to do it again.

when our pets were asleep we would shriek, “HEY, THEY’RE DEAD!!!”, poke them, and laugh about zombie pets when they woke up--but when they actually died, we cried. i gleefully mimed death scenes while playing but in real life, i’d still cry when i skinned my knee on the playground.

so if you come across an anti who says you’re endorsing Bad Stuff™ for liking kylo ren or reylo, remember this post. maybe even remember the stuff you liked to imagine as a kid.

if professional writers and actors who get paid to depict violence and problematic relationships are told that they are not endorsing the stuff they reenact because it’s fake and no one ACTUALLY gets hurt, an unpaid fan is not guilty of encouraging those same things when they enjoy watching, reading, or making fanfiction/fanart of that material.

so chill, reylos (and other ships who get lots of hate). you’re not endorsing bad stuff just because you ship fictional characters.

[minimin1993]

S/M 13 & B/L 13

Warning: Implied smut.. Violence

The year 2012 for duo flew by quicker than they ever expected. Sebastian ended up dating one of his co-stars in the TV show Once Upon a Time which Min is obsessed over and could not get enough of how Josh Dallas looks like Chris Evans. Min and Sebastian friendship has been great, she no longer avoids him and he made it clear with Jennifer that they are strictly friends. Min and Jennifer actually gets along really great, when Min comes to visit Sebastian sometimes the 2 girls goes out and shop together which always surprises Sebastian but he really appreciates that Jennifer is willing to accept Min.

“Min I am honestly excited you’re coming back to America for a while. Maybe we can meet up again when you are not busy on set and go to the new vegetarian restaurant that no one wants to come with me.” Jennifer said while Sebastian was skyping Min. 

“If you want I am down.” Min said excitedly. 

“I will never understand you girls.” Sebastian said behind Jennifer. 

“You and me both.” Jonghyun said cuddling into Min side. 

“Jong I was disappointed you didn’t go with Min to the Avenger Premiere?” Sebastian asked.

“I want to but my group had to go to Japan for a tour, we barely just got back and I finally got some time to be with her before she goes back to America for Winter Soldier.” He said. 

“Eh its fine, I had fun going with Chris Evans.” Min said with a smirk. 

“I swear you are cheating on me.” Sebastian said jokingly making them laugh.

“Can’t cheat on someone when your not with them.” Jennifer said nudging him. 

“Exactly! Plus if Jongie isn’t jealous why should you?” Min asked wrapping her arms around Jonghyun shoulder nuzzling into his neck. “Anyways we should let you guys go, ganna go finish packing.”

“Ok princess, talk to you soon.” Sebastian said. 

“Bye!” Everyone said respectfully before ending the call. 

“I am going to miss you my love.” Jonghyun said pushing her on her back climbing on top of her. 

“I know baby, our relationship has gotten to be one of the hardest so far but we can do it. I trust you.” Min said wrapping her arms on his broad shoulders.

“I trust you too love.” He said giving her a kiss. “But I am so going to miss this.” 

He started to kiss all over removing their clothes and made love all night long before they have to separate for a while. 

 When Min exited LAX she was picked up by Sebastian and Jennifer.

“YESSS you are finally here.” Jennifer said running over to her giving her a big hug. 

“Yes I am and thank god in one piece. You look great!” Min said checking Jennifer out before shooting Sebastian a smirk. 

“Pft, girl have you look in the mirror?”

“I do too much at the dancing studio.” Min said gagging playfully.

“Whatever Princess, I miss you.” Sebastian said hugging her.

“I miss you too. Working out much?” She said squeezing his biceps making him laugh.

“Right!” Jennifer said.

“Well I gotta play the Winter Soldier and I highly doubt he is scrawny.” Sebastian said. “Plus I gotta show my abs this time.” 

“Oh yeah god your abs in Broadway. Jennifer you one lucky son of a bitch.” 

“Oh shut up Jong abs are drooling too.” Jennifer said playfully hitting her arm. 

“Pft, I am so not telling him that. His ego is already off the hook.” 

They were in the car, Sebastian was driving before he bust out a plastic knife and starts to twirl it with great efficiency.

“God damn someone been practicing their choreography” Min said. “He’s been doing it non stop. Even at home.” 

“Kinky mother fucker.” Min said with a smirk.

“Oh you bet.” Jennifer said looking back at her winking.

“Shit!! Jenifer I don’t need to know about your sex life. My innocent ears.” Min said covering her ears. “Oh shut the fuck up! You innocent my ass, your one of the most naughtiest person I know.” Sebastian said 

“Hey don’t ruin my image!” 

“Naw I known you for 3 years, I know all about your ‘Image’” He said with air quotes making them all laugh.

“Shhhh I am full of secrets.” Min said placing her finger on her lips. 

  Linda was in the swimming pool running laps when she heard footsteps coming toward the pool.

“Hey Tasha.” Linda said smiling at her. “Whats sup?” 

“So remember Micheal from Starbucks?” She said.

“Yeah what about him?” 

“He asked for you today, said you haven’t been in for your daily coffee. And your number.” 

“Oh god Tasha please tell me you didn’t give him my number, I am not interested.” Linda said pushing herself out of the water. 

“Come on. He is cute.” 

“Nat you know why. I am not interested.” 

“Linda you can’t hold out forever.” 

“Actually yes I can. I am not interested in anyone else anymore.” Linda said placing her palm on her necklace. 

“Linda…”

“Tasha, thanks for looking out for me but I can’t do it. My heart is too broken for someone else.” 

“Fine. I will stop. Anyways I came here because we have a mission. Know where Cap is?” 

“He is doing what he always does.” Linda said smirking. 

“Then go change we gotta go.” Tasha said throwing her towel at her. 

Linda and Natasha pulled up by the cub in a Chevrolet Corvette Stingray. 

“  Hey, fellas. Either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I'm here to pick up a fossil.” Natasha said rolling down the window.

“Hey! That means I am one too.” Linda said looking over at Natasha seeing her smirk.

“  That's hilarious.” Steve said walking over to the car while Linda jumps in the back 

“  How you doing?” Sam said giving Natasha and the car an appreciated look.

“  Hey.” Natasha said with a smirk.

“She’s single.” Linda mouthed popping up from the back pointing to Natasha making Steve laugh. 

“  Can't run everywhere.” Steve said looking at Sam

“  No, you can't.” Sam said watching them drive off quickly.

  On the Quinjet flying over the Indian Ocean with Shield agents, Brock Rumlow was going over the details.”

The target is a mobile satellite launch platform: The Lemurian Star. They were sending up their last payload when pirates took them, 93 minutes ago.” 

“  Any demands?” Steve asked as they all stare at the screen.

“  A billion and a half.”

“  Why so steep?” Linda asked 

“  Because it SHIELD's.”

“  So it's not off-course, it's trespassing.” Steve said 

“  I'm sure they have a good reason.” Linda said 

“  You know, I'm getting a little tired of being Fury's janitor.”

“  Relax, it's not that complicated.” Natasha said 

“  How many pirates?”

“  Twenty-five, top mercs, led by this guy. Georges Batroc.” Brock said showing them a photo of Batroc on the monitor. “Ex-DGSE, Action Division. He's at the top of Interpol's Red Notice. Before the French demobilized him, he had thirty-six kill missions. This guy's got a rep for maximum casualties.”

“  Hostages?”

“  Uh...mostly techs. One officer, Jasper Sitwell.” He answered pulling up Sitwells photo.

“They're in the galley.”

“  What's Sitwell doing on a launch ship? Alright, Linda and I are gonna sweep the deck and find Batroc. Nat, you'll kill the engines and wait for instructions. Rumlow, you sweep aft, find the hostages, get them to the life-pods, get 'em out. Let's move.” Steve said 

“  STRIKE, you heard the Cap. Gear up." Brock said as they prepare to dive out of the jet. 

“  Secure channel seven.” Steve said speaking into his wrist communicator

“  Seven secure. Did you do anything fun Saturday night?” Nat asked 

“  Well, all the guys from my barbershop quartet are dead, so... No, not really.” Steve answered placing the earpiece into his ear.

“Ouch Steve, I thought us catching up on new movies was fun.” Linda said pretending like it hurts. 

“Linda you know what I meant.” 

“I know I was just joking.” Linda said winking at Steve. 

“Coming up by the drop zone, Cap.” The Pilot said over the radio when he hit the button for the ramp to open

“  You know, if you ask Kristen out, from Statistics, she'd probably say yes.” Natasha said 

“  That's why I don't ask.” Steve said attaching his shield onto his suit.

“  Too shy or too scared?” 

“  Too busy!” Steve said jumping out of the plane. 

“  Was he wearing a parachute?” Shield agent asked before Linda turned to look at him winking falling out backward behind Steve. “Was she?” 

“No. No, they weren't.” Brock smiles. 

When they both climbed onto the boat Steve ran right while Linda ran left effectively knocking out the pirates before both meeting at the meet up point, Steve was about to finish them out before one came behind them pointing his gun at him.

“  Bouge pas! Bouge pas. (Don't move! Don't move.)” The pirate said but Linda whips her whip around the guy shocking him knocking him out.

“  Thanks.” Steve said smirking at her.

“  Yeah. You seemed pretty helpless without me.” Linda said winking at him as Rumlow, Natsasha and the other agents parachutes down onto the deck to join them 

“  What about the nurse that lives across the hall from you? She seems kind of nice.” Natasha said as the three walk toward where the hostages were being held. 

“  Secure the engine room, then find me a date.” Steve said 

“  I'm multitasking.” Natasha said jumping down to the bottom deck. 

“She wasn’t wrong you know. If you want some time alone, just let me know and I can always leave the apartment.” Linda said practically skipping next to him making him laugh at her childish ways 

“Linda can we talk about my love life, I am perfectly content with our lives now.” Steve said 

“You know 70+ years dry spell can give you major aggression.” 

“Like you can talk. You are in the same boat.” Steve said smirking. 

“Yeah but I am a girl, no testosterone to worry about.” She said winking at him getting into position to jump onto the higher deck shooting a camera toward the window where the leader was waiting. Steve and Linda watches them from the deck while the STRIKE agents gets in position.  

“Targets acquired.” Shield agent said 

“STRIKE in position.” Rumlow said as well.

“ Natasha, what's your status? Status, Natasha?”

“  Hang on!” She said attacking the pirate knocking him out. 

“Engine room secure.” 

“  On my mark. Three. Two. One.” Steve said as the STRIKE team starts shooting the pirates effectively killing them. 

“Ready?” Steve asked Linda.

“As I ever be.” She said flashing her eyes at him, Steve ran up the deck before sending his shield in smashing the window knocking out the other Pirate with George Bartroc. George took this opportunity to start running while Steve and Linda runs after him. 

“  Hostages en route to extraction. Romanoff missed the rendezvous point, Cap. Hostiles are still in play.” Brock said over the radio. 

“  Natasha, Batroc's on the move. Circle back to Rumlow and protect the hostages ...Natasha!” Steve said but no answer from her. 

“Linda go protect the hostages.” Steve told Linda as she runs over to meet up with Brock. After Linda and Brock secured the hostages on the plane they heard an explosion. 

“STEVE!! COME IN STEVE!” Linda said over the radio running toward the explosion.

“Grey stop!” Brock said trying to catch up to her but her speed was no match for him. When Linda reached the fire she looked around not caring about the fire around her seeing Steve and an almost beat up Natasha breathing heavy. 

“What the fuck happen?” She said running to check on Steve. 

“I’m fine, help Nat.” He said waving her off. 

“What did you do?” Linda said helping Natasha up. 

“She jeopardize the mission that’s what she did.” He said walking out pissed off.