#mostly because I don't really understand who and what they were referring to and it was only an assumption that it had to be about another

[obsessivestar]

'What If It's All A RomCom?' a Ted Nivison x Reader (Lemon)

{{-This might be the longest fucking chapter I've ever written for anything ever so please enjoy LMAO also gif made by me-}}

//General Warnings: 18+ (MINORS DNI FUCK OFF), Reader is implied to be afab and under 5'5. She/They pronouns used.\\

//Chapter Warnings: More Rainforest Cafe, references to old chapters including smut from chapter 6. Oh also smut here LMAO. Semi-public sex, reader played with, dirty talk, articles of clothing ripped, how many warnings do you want before I give the whole scene away--\\

Word Count: 7.4k fuck

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@k-k0129 , @callsign-scully , @limecorpse & @hyper-fixation-nation-13

☆Love Ya To Death!☆

Chapter 18: A Left Turn

We spend a lot of time inside the Rainforest Cafe, mostly because it took quite a bit of time to be served. We got our drinks fairly quickly, but Dan and Joe were having a hard time deciding what to have to eat so our server left us for a little while. Thankfully, a majority of all the talking was distracting us from how hungry we were. We talked about literally everything that we've accomplished together both as a film crew and a friend group. We talked about how we all kinda freaked out during that first day when Conner couldn't make it, and how relieved everyone was when Ted took his place. Joe talked a bit about where he got the inspiration for Kara and Mason's wardrobe, our characters, and Dan once again apologized for almost hitting me with that football that Tanner made him throw at Ted and I. Good times.

Speaking of Ted and I, that topic came up shortly after due to Dan's genuine curiosity.

"I just don't understand how this happened." Dan admitted with an innocent little smile, holding his hands out in front of him as he speaks. "Like, you guys weren't already together when I threw the football?"

"No, it happened like 3 days later." Ted admitted with a casual shrug, relaxing a bit against the back of the booth. He was right, but I was surprised to hear him admit it to everyone.

"What happened, though?" Dan asked with a bit more emphasis, placing both of his hands on the table. It's a weird question to be asked but I can tell that Dan means well. He isn't necessarily trying to pry into our business, he's just...very young and innocent at heart despite being one of the older members of the friend group. Ted turns his head to look at me, giving me a smug little smirk with an eyebrow raised, as if to signal me to answer.

"What?" I look up at him with my own brows furrowed a little, a slight chuckle slipping out. "Do you want to talk about it? Here?"

"Why not?" Ted replied with a simple little shrug. "My friends already know a bit of it, yours could as well.."

"Wait, really?" I'm a little surprised to hear that. "Who? Which friends?"

"Tucker and Schlatt--well, Schlatt doesn't know what we did, but Tucker does."

"Tucker knows?"

"Yeah."

"Everything?"

"About that night, yeah. Mostly everything."

"Mostly?"

"Well I didn't go into excruciating detail or anything, but yeah, mostly."

"When did you tell him?"

"I had texted him before you woke up that morning."

"You texted him while I was next to you?"

"Yeah."

"So he knew before I was on the podcast?"

"Yeah, he did."

"...huh."

"Why are you surprised?" Ted chuckled a little, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "How fast did you go to Joe about us again?"

"I'm--Okay, that's a fair point, actually.." I playfully roll my eyes and nod a little. After a decent little pause, Ted turns back to look at Dan.

"Anyways, we had sex."

Most of us started laughing at that response, with Dan letting out a genuine, but almost exaggerated "What!?" in between laughs. Him being so shocked is honestly valid, especially after that tangent between Ted and I.

"3 days later? Jesus, man!" Dan chuckles, gently smacking his hands down on the table. "No patience!"

"What day was that again?" Tanner asks with a confused little smile, looking over everyone's expressions.

"The day we had to go out and replace my wardrobe.." I admit in a slightly softer voice, sort of hugging myself in my seat.

"It was when you passed out in my bed." Ted added, pointing over at Tanner. "The first time we were up late editing?"

"Oh yeah.." Tanner glanced down a little, nodding slowly before looking up at Ted again. "And my door was locked, right?"

"Yeah, no idea why." Ted admitted with a shrug. "I couldn't turn the knob and I didn't really want to wake everyone to the sound of me breaking down your door, so I just knocked on theirs. Knew they were awake."

Huh. So Tanner really was taking up Ted's bed the first night. What an odd way for the world to put Ted and I together. "I genuinely thought it was a fuckin' story." I speak up after taking a sip from my drink. "I thought it was a whole-ass excuse just to get me alone."

"Hey, I know you like to think I'm some hot-shot lady wranglin' casanova over here.." Ted snickers slightly, turning his body a little to address me. "But despite what you think, I didn't intend to sleep with you that night."

"It kinda sounds like you did." Tanner admitted with his head tilted, resting his elbows on the table. I could tell that everyone was invested in this whole thing, Joe included, despite him already knowing everything. Mostly everything.

"I didn't! It wasn't--alright--" Ted's tone became defensive as he held his hands up in mock surrender, letting out a chuckle. "Alright, alright, listen: Was I kinda thinkin' about it? A little, maybe. Sure, but I wasn't plannin' on tryin' anything; not that night anyways."

"So how did it happen?" Joe asks with a knowing smirk, his body turned towards the both of us to give us his full attention. Joseph, you fuck, you already know.

"Because (Y/N)'s kinda a little whore, if I'm bein' honest." Ted admits without an ounce of hesitation, using his usual exaggerated tone.

"YO!" I laugh out and turn to smack his arm, hearing a quiet 'ah' escape him as I laugh. "I am NOT! You jumped me!"

"I didn't jump you! You were--"

"You cornered me by my window and my bed!"

"You wanted to kiss me!"

"I had no where to go!"

"You were givin' me the goo-goo eyes! The bedroom eyes!"

"I glanced at your lips ONCE, Ted!"

"And what does that mean, princess? Hmm? What does looking at the lips mean?"

"It's a fucking--"

"What does looking at the lips mean?"

"Ted--"

"Do you remember? Do you remember what it means?"

"Shut the fuck up!" I laugh.

"You used the tell for the film?" Tanner chimes in with a soft laugh, furrowing his brows in disbelief. "That's what did it?"

"Absolutely she did!" Ted points at Tanner with pure confidence in his expressive voice. "She looked, I made her admit it, then it happened."

"And now the whole fucking cafe knows." I lower my voice a bit with a playful eye roll, shaking my head at Ted. "You're being loud as fuck, you know that?"

"Oh come on, babe. Doesn't it feel kinda good to tell everyone?" Ted grinned back at me, getting yet another little eye roll from me. "Isn't it kinda funny?"

"....In a sense.."

The conversation was cut short when our server returned to take our food order. Dan and Joe had finally decided on what they wanted, so we could all finally order our food and wait for it to arrive. It was hard to believe that we'll all be separating in the next 9 or so days. Some of us will be flying back home, some of us will make a long road trip out of it and Ted will simply be just getting on the highway for, like, a 45 minute drive at best. It's odd. He'll have the smallest distance to travel, but he'll feel so far away...

I try to keep my thoughts focused on the group and their loud banter, watching with a smile on my face as Joe and Tanner rock back and forth in a laughing fit. Joe put his head in his hands and Tanner leaned his head back with his hand on his chest. I've clearly missed something. "What? What did you say?" I ask with a confused little smile, tilting my head at Joe as he leaned against my shoulder.

"We were talking about the--oh god.." Joe almost couldn't answer my question, wiping under his eyes as he chuckled. "Tanner, fuck man, oh my god.."

"I still have to show it to you guys, but we're talking about something we caught while editing last weekend." Tanner was able to catch his breath enough to start explaining it, an occasional laugh slipping out. "Y'know how we had to reshoot some scenes outside the other day?"

"Yeah, that's why Ted had to shave." I reply with a small smile, glancing over at Ted.

"She's still very upset about that." Ted adds in a joking tone, giving me a little point.

"Well--Okay, first of all, rude to just air that out." I let out a little laugh, turning my body more to look at Ted. "I was not upset, I was just...wanting you to grow it out a bit.."

"I am, half of it is already back." Ted rubs his slightly stubbled cheeks with his hands, shrugging a little. "It grows in fast, princess."

"Have you ever thought about growing a mustache?" Dan chimes in, resting both of his arms on the table.

"Ooh, y'know what..." Ted narrows his eyes with a smirk, leaning back a bit with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Man, he has nice arms... "I haven't grown in my mustache in a long time...maybe I will.."

"It'll look schnazzy for the premiere." Tanner gives him a gesture of approval before adjusting himself in his chair. We gotta stop going off on tangents like that.

"Anyways, what we were laughing about was something Joe and I caught while we were editing last weekend. There was a part of the file that got corrupted and it created this weird mix match of scenes that made it look straight out of a YouTube poop."

"The files mixed? Mixed how?" I repeated, tilting my head a little again. "Like, into 2 scenes?"

"Yeah, it mixed one of the outdoor shots with Ted pushing you into the pool." Tanner explained, beginning to laugh a little as he recalls the scene for us. "And--and so the camera pans--it pans, cuts to you two, you get pushed into the pool and it froze on the exact frame you go under the water. When it froze, the audio still plays and it's the loudest fucking, like...crashing into water sound I've ever heard. It was so fucking funny."

"Here, I recorded it on my phone." Joe takes his phone out of his pocket and opens the video, handing his phone to me so Ted and I could watch it. It was almost exactly how Tanner had described it, but it looked like it was some video game glitch. When I hit the water, the file was so corrupted, it looked like water was continuously coming out of the pool with my body vibrating inside it. The sound was LOUD, too, making Ted and I erupt into unexpected laughter.

"Jesus christ!" Ted laughs out, smacking his thigh a bit as he leaned back. "How the fuck did that happen!?"

"I honestly have no idea!" Tanner chuckled, shrugging his arms out a bit. "It was fine inside the camera! Sending it to my PC just did that!"

"Can you send that to me?" I ask Joe in between little laughs, placing a hand over my own chest.

"Yes, absolutely. It's so fucking funny.." Joe chuckled, carefully taking his phone back from me so he could send me the video. I needed to put that on my Instagram story or something. I'd have to do it later though. Maybe we'd been here longer than we thought, or maybe we were being so rowdy that it caught the staff's attention, but we finally got all of our food shortly after Joe sent me the video, so we were all finally able to calm down a bit and enjoy our meals, glancing up from our plates when another rainstorm occurred. That's still a little jarring, in a good way.

Honestly, the food wasn't too bad. The safari fries were a lot better than I thought they'd be and I thoroughly enjoyed what I had ordered. Everyone else seemed pretty satisfied too. I would've finished everything on my plate if it weren't for Ted, who had ordered a bit more than the rest of us. He wanted all of us to try a little bit of the nachos so we all sort of had a free appetizer with our meals. Honestly, Ted was the most eager out of all of us to come here but we were all having a blast. I couldn't stop smiling the whole time, even after another two or so Rainforest thunderstorms. I could tell that Ted was enjoying himself just as much, if not more. I kept catching him looking at me with a big dumb smile no matter what I was doing, whether I was turned away to talk to Joe or straight up stuffing way too many nachos into my mouth, he looked infatuated with me. It was really nice, in a strange way.

Once we were all done our food, Ted called for our bill. At first, he tried to pay for the entire meal, but most of us strongly disagreed with that idea. I stayed relatively quiet while everyone argued about paying for their own meals. I mean, I'd happily pay for my own meal if I had to, I'd feel bad about making Ted pay for it...at the same time, free dinner sounds pretty good and I oddly like the idea of Ted spoiling me even a little bit. The argument was settled when Tanner brought up the fact that he still had money on the credit card the school had given him for the film. Yes, the "emergency" credit card. Dan brought up the fact that Tanner seemingly wanted to use it for what was clearly not an emergency, Tanner just shrugged and said "We can't decide who's paying, sounds like an emergency to me." And we ultimately all agreed to use it, because making his school pay for our Rainforest Café dinner is just really funny.

After we've paid our bill, we make a quick trip to the gift shop to buy matching shirts, very similar to the one Ted had brought, and take a few group photos inside and outside of the joint before finally separating back to our vehicles. Joe, Dan and Tanner returned to their ride and Ted and I moved back to his Toyota Tacoma. Just as I had hopped into the passenger seat, I watched Ted do a quick little jog over to the guys and tell them something, though even with the windows rolled down I can't make out any of it. Huh.

Ted quickly steps back over and gets into the driver's seat, a small smirk on his face as he starts his truck up.

"What did you tell them?.." I ask with a curious smile, but I don't get an immediate answer. Ted takes his time carefully getting out of the parking lot, the smirk staying on his face. I furrow my eyebrows a little at him and just sort of...watch. His silence is making me a little anxious.

"Hang on, I'll tell you when we're on the road.." Ted speaks as he stops to let another car pass. He's being strangely...inconspicuous about this, which means he's up to something. I see Dan's van drive out of the parking lot and make a right turn to head down the main street, but when Ted gets to that same exit after a bit of navigating, he turns left. I furrow my brows again and turn to look at him. He's still smirking.

"You feelin' alright?" Ted speaks up again once he's on the main road, keeping his eyes front with his smug little smirk still along his blush-toned lips. "Not feelin'...stuffed at all?"

"Stuffed? I mean..." I'm getting more confused by the second, sitting up more in my seat. "I'm full, but I'm not sore or anything. Why?"

"Just checkin'.." Ted glances at me briefly, staying straight on the road. I don't know this area very well, but I know that our set isn't in this direction. "I told the others I'd take ya sight seeing for a bit."

"Sight seeing?" I repeat and briefly turn away, my eyes focusing down in my lap for a moment. "What are we seeing? Where are we--"

It hits me.

Oh.

Oh.

I remember.

"That...kinda depends on whether or not I'm makin' another left at these lights up here.." Ted slips his hand off the wheel slightly to point out towards the lights we were approaching. It seemed like turning left would lead into some sort of middle class neighborhood, while turning right would likely bring us back to the path home.

"Y-You're making me decide this now?" I'm immediately flustered, turning to look at him with a nervous pout. "How long did you say we'd be gone?"

"Didn't specify, but we don't have to be gone long.." Ted gave a slight shrug, easing up a bit when the light began to turn red. "Doesn't always have to last 20 or so minutes. Am I turnin' left?"

I try to get something, anything out quickly but I just stammer over my own voice and let out a nervous chuckle. I can't tell if he's bluffing, thought at this rate I doubt he ever is. He mentioned knowing a few spots before we got to the restaurant, but I thought it was a fucking joke. It's very quickly not becoming a joke...and it's very quickly becoming very, very tempting.

"I won't be upset if it's a no, but you got about 15 seconds to answer me. Give or take." Ted speaks up again to get my attention, glancing at me briefly. "Am I turnin' left?"

"Do you actually have a spot in that direction?" I ask, my curiosity getting the better of me. I want to have at least some idea of where we're going. I certainly don't need to know what we'll be doing. I already know.

"Yes." Ted answers simply, slowing down ever so slightly. "I know a few, this is the closest."

"But that's through a suburb."

"Yeah, I know."

"The spots near those houses?"

"A house, kind of."

"Have you ever used it?"

"Not that one, no."

"Have you ever been caught?"

"Not in L.A."

"Isn't there a chance we could get caught there, especially if you've never used it?"

"No, not with what I know. Am I turnin' left, or...?"

Christ, I can't believe I'm doing this. "...turn."

I see Ted's smirk grow into a mischievous smile as he carefully switches lanes so he can turn left at the red light, bringing us into a neighborhood I didn't recognize. A devilish little chuckle leaves Ted and he shakes his head. It's like he also can't believe what I had just agreed to, and he's the one who made the damn offer in the first place.

"Don't laugh at me.." I playfully glare at him, anxiously crossing my arms in front of my chest. "This was your idea.."

"Yeah, and it's fucking awesome that you're into it." Ted replied with a cocky little grin, removing one of his hands from the steering wheel to rest it in his lap. I turn away for a moment just to glance out the window, noticing very quickly that there wasn't a single other car on this street. Even most of the driveways were empty. Maybe a majority of the people in this neighborhood work nights and closing shifts. Ted must've known that, though how he came across this area was a whole other story.

"Hey." Ted gets my attention by placing his free hand on my thighs, glancing at me with that confident, charming little grin. "Got a question for ya, princess.."

I can already feel my cheeks heating up and my stomach bubbling up with anxiety, turning my head to look at him. I was trying to appear as calm as possible. "Yeah?.." I respond simply, keeping my tone soft just in case I became shaky. His hand feels so warm on me...

"...Didya ever...think about me?.." Ted lowers his tone a little, occasionally glancing at me as he drove down the empty street. "Y'know, before anythin' happened? Did ya...think about how it'd go? How it'd feel?"

I find myself rolling my eyes and looking out my window again, letting out a shaky sigh. There's no way I'm gonna be able to answer that while looking at him. "Yeah..." I'm able to speak up enough so he can hear me clearly, but my tone is otherwise quiet and shy. "It...pretty much went exactly how I'd pictured it. You on top...a leg over your shoulder..."

"Oh yeah?" Ted speaks with a little purr, giving my thigh a small squeeze. I feel his thumb begin to slowly caress my inner thighs, his tongue gliding along the ends of his top teeth. "Ya like me on top?.."

I roll my eyes again. It's instinctual. It's like I'm annoyed with myself for enjoying his suggestive questioning. I look forward to see Ted go through a roundabout, heading down a new street that seemingly lead to no where. "I like...losing control. Giving it.." I admit after a little pause, slowly moving my tongue along my lower lip to wet it a bit. "You're just so...right for me in that way, I never have to worry about...telling you to slow down or curve up or anything, you just know. You just do it, and it's been good...every single time."

Even thinking about it now was making that familiar tingly warmth appear between my legs, lightly dragging my teeth along my lower lip. Sometimes, if I really think hard about it, I can still feel the anticipation of him pushing into me for the first time, how well I shape around him...

I can see that Ted is happy with my honest answer. A pleased little hum leaves him and he squeezes my thigh again. He keeps doing that and I'm gonna make him pull over...

"I know I haven't left you alone since that night, but..." Ted pauses to choose his words carefully, glancing at me again. "You ever...touch yourself to me, princess?.." Just as he ends his question, he slowly slides his hand more up my thigh, his thumb inching closer to my clothed core. Even through my clothes, I can feel his warm touch, I can feel myself aching for him, desiring him all over again.

"I've....never had the time.." I admit with a breathless little chuckle, trying not to tense up against my seat too much. "But...I've thought about it.."

"You've thought about it, huh?.." Ted begins to slow down a little, giving me another quick glance with his suggestive grin. "Ya wanna try it?.."

Gods, how does this man do that with just his voice?...

"Try it?" I turn to look at him fully, raising a curious brow. I'm trying real hard to hide how much he's getting to me. "Try it how? In here? In--In front of you?"

Ted, once again, chooses not to answer me right away. His suggestive grin grows and another low little chuckle escapes him. "...You'll see. You'll like it..."

Ted continues to drive until he's at the very end of the street with some large looking home to our left and a small little forest to our right. There isn't a single car in the driveway and it looks like all of the lights are on. The truck tilts and bobs ever so slightly as Ted pulls into the dirt path leading into the small forest, removing his hand from my thigh to steady the truck with both hands. Where the fuck are we? And how did he discover this place? Ted glances around a bit before parking and completely turning off his vehicle, letting out a little sigh. He removes his seatbelt, letting it slip behind him before turning to me with a smirk.

"Backseat, princess." He gestures back with a thumb. Oh god, okay, this is happening. Why am I even surprised? It's Ted, with me. He's obsessed...and honestly, so am I.

I quickly remove my seatbelt and move around to crawl into the back seat, grunting as I attempt to get through this awkward crawling bit as fast as I can. I realize that I've never seen his backseat so...cleared before. I don't think I've ever seen anyone's backseat so cleared. Did he plan this?

X

As I'm getting comfortable, Ted immediately moves towards me to crawl overtop of me, pinning me down on my back with his body. I'm honestly surprised he can even fit back here with how tall he is, but he seems relatively comfortable. He grabs my face and pulls me into a deep, sultry kiss, letting out a muffled groan against my lips. With how short these seats are, one of my legs are hanging over the side of the seat, my lap already completely spread for him. I'm able to loosely wrap my arms around his neck, already feeling him slip his tongue into my mouth for more of me. A small moan escapes me, which immediately turns into a more surprised moan when I feel his tented shorts press against me. He's trapped me beneath him, I couldn't go anywhere even if I wanted to. I can already feel my own excitement growing at that realization.

Ted kisses me roughly a bit more before pulling away to begin trailing hot kisses down my neck. As he pulls back a bit to say something, his glasses slip off his face and bop me on the bridge of my nose, making both of us let out a little laugh.

"Fuck, sorry--" Ted chuckles lowly, carefully snatching his glasses before they'd fall, tossing them onto the side surface in between the front seats.

"You're...so impatient.." I let out a soft purr, leaning my head back a little when he continued to trail his kisses along my neck.

"I know, I'm not doin' well at all.." Ted snickers a bit against my nail, nipping a bit along my jaw. "Soon as you agreed to it, I just...fuck, (Y/N).."

Ted knows we need to be semi quick, so as his hand moves down my body, he completely ignores my shirt and heads straight for my pants. He slips his hand in between my opened legs to touch my clothed core, my thighs flinching as a shaky moan leaves me. "Theo.." I tilt my head to moan into his ear, feeling the tips of his fingers press into the loose fabric of my pants. I know. I know he can feel how wet I already am, and it's all his fault. I don't know if it's normal for a man to make me such a mess so quickly, but he does it to me. Oh, he does it to me so easily...

"I know, baby. I know.." Ted moves up ever so slightly to whisper into my ear, moving his hand up to slink under the waistband of my pants, pushing my panties aside to slip his fingers between my folds. "I've got you, I've got you.."

A sharp gasp leaves me at his warm hand against me, glancing down to see his hand down my pants, wanting the pretty sight burned into my memory. I'm already soaked against his fingers, my panties are probably already a mess. My arousal only grows when I feel him push two fingers into me, making me lean my head back and moan out for him. I feel his fingers curl up inside me, massaging that perfect little spot from the inside.

"Oh you're drenched.." Ted purrs into my ear with a low little snicker, beginning to pump his fingers inside me with the small amount of room he had. "Did you get horny at the thought of me fuckin' you in my car? You're bad, princess. You're...fucking perfect.."

My pants have never felt so restrictive in my entire fucking life until now. I close my eyes as his fingers work me inside, pressing my foot against the back door with a groan.

"T-Take my pants off.." I beg with a slight growl in my throat, a shiver running through my body as Ted trails his tongue along the side of my neck, knowing he's doing it just to tease me.

"Hands are kinda busy, princess.." Ted purred against my neck with another low snicker, rebalancing himself overtop of me by moving his free hand against the backs of the seats. I groan in response, giving his wrist in my pants a quick smack so he'd remove it. I grunt quietly as he slipped his fingers out of me completely, listening to his dark chuckles as I push my own pants down my legs, wiggling my hips to slip them down to my ankles.

"These too, princess.." Ted shifts slightly to look at me, pressing his two fingers against me through my panties. A quiet gasp escaping me in response.

"Y-You do it.." I huffed, giving him a needy glare. I know Ted wants us to be quick, which of course means I need to start misbehaving, to test his patience. I see his eyes sparkle a bit with a surprised smile spreading along his blush-toned lips, raising a brow at me.

"Oh you really don't want to test me right now, babe.." Ted purred down at me, giving me a small shake of his head. "You're wearing lace. Y'know how easy that is to rip open? You wanna find out?"

"You think you're gonna rip them?" I ask with a quiet, mocking little chuckle.

"I will rip them." Ted insisted with a slight nod. "That's not a concern, that's a promise."

"Oh is that so?"

"Absolutely. Wanna test me right now? On the way back, you'll be sitting with nothing to cover how much I've stuffed your sensitive little cunt.."

"Bet."

Ted's eyes flared up at my response, like I just snapped a twig while he's on the hunt. He sits up a bit more so he can use both of his hands to grab the front of my panties, ripping them open like they were nothing.

"Ted! You--" I gasp out, the rest of my words muffled by the feeling of his fingers pushing into my mouth, making me taste myself.

"Shut up, I fucking warned you." Ted scoffs down at me, removing his fingers from my mouth so he could return them to my core, spreading my essence and saliva over my sensitive bud. He uses his free hand to lift my shirt up just so I feel even more exposed, leaning back over me to return to my neck. He uses his two fingers to make slow little circles around my sensitive clit, my exposed, spread thighs shivering in response.

"Oh my g-god, Teddy...that's..." I moan softly for him, leaning my head back once more. I don't even have the energy to think about my torn panties anymore, his touch is so sensual and pleasent, it feels really good.

"Yeah, there you go..." Ted whispered into my ear with another low snicker, changing the pace of his fingers to begin flicking them back and forth against my clit, pressing a kiss to the side of my neck. "Relax, baby. Relax beneath me.."

I let a few shaky moans escape me, closing my eyes to focus on all of the touches and noises around me. I can feel Ted's hot breath against my neck, his fingers working my sensitive bud in alternating paces. I can hear the way his fingers rub against me, occasionally dipping into my entrance for more of my essence, spreading it over my sensitive clit, my arousal making my breathing quicken and become uneven. I began to let my thoughts wander, recalling our first night in bits and pieces. I thought about how it felt to kiss him in my room with true passion and desire, how it felt to have him in my bed...

"You're thinkin' about it, aren't you? Bout that night?.." Ted purrs into my ear, flicking his fingers against my clit a little faster, letting the tip of his tongue curl along my ear. "Y'know how often I think of that? Of every night I've had you beneath me?.."

My mouth is open to let my sweet sounding moans slip out, though words refuse to form. I give him a shaky little nod instead, angling my hips up ever so slightly as if to grind against his fingers.

"I think about how well you responded to everything I did to you.." Ted whispers to me, alternating between circling and flicking his fingers along my sensitive bud. "I think about how we didn't need to say a word...how we knew exactly where to touch each other, where to feel, where to taste. Oh baby, and you taste so good..."

I close my eyes and allow myself to fully focus on his words and his touch, unable to balance my heavy breathing. An occasional little moan escaped me, urging him to keep going.

"I'll never have to touch myself again with you so eager, mm?.." Ted continues to whisper sweet nothings into my ear, occasionally moving to nip or suck on little spots along my jaw or neck. "You'll just do anything for my touch, won't you? You were made for me, princess. Made for me to play with. Look at you, look at how pretty your pussy is to play with.."

I can't help myself. With him, I must do as I'm told. I can feel the arousal in my body increasing, my core becoming warmer and more sensitive. I feel him adjust so I can look down at myself, watching as his fingers dip into my core to get more of my essence along his fingers, bringing them back up to continue to play with me, the pace of his fingers flicking across my clit only becoming faster and faster.

"Pretty little thing, mm?..." Ted glances down at his hand, a low, mocking chuckle leaving him as he watches my chest rise and fall with my quick, desperate breaths. "God, you're so fun to play with, baby. Pretty little pussy's all mine, isn't it? Can you say that, baby? Can you say that before you cum?..."

Everything is starting to feel more and more intense, I don't know if I'll even be able to get a word out before I finish. I let out a needy moan and lean my head back again, closing my eyes once more. "P-Pretty--pretty..." I manage to mutter out in between quick breaths, pouting my lips out with a desperate little whine. "T-Teddy, I'm--"

"Don't cum, princess. Don't cum just yet.." Ted teases me with a low snicker, yet his quickens his pace against my clit. "Tell me, tell me it's pretty. No no no, don't.."

"I-I am!--I'm!--"

Unfortunately, him urging me to hold it in while his fingers increased their pace was the exact thing that triggered my first climax. I shut my eyes and moan out for him, my body shivering and shaking as my orgasm intensifies through my whole body, rising up my chest and into my head. His fingers continued to move relentlessly against my sensitive clit as my head gets all fuzzy, my eyes rolling back as the last of my climax shivers up my spine. That was a completely different kind of release, at least compared to when he goes down on me, but it was...exhilarating. It felt amazing. He knows my body so well. I have a sneaking suspicion that he intended for me to finish then and there, despite telling me to wait

My hazy thoughts are interrupted by Ted snickering lowly at me, spreading his fingers over my core. "You bad girl.." He purrs to me, bringing his hand up to lightly clasp around my throat, keeping me down against the seat. "Thought I told you to wait. Pathetic..."

I open my eyes to meet his heated gaze, my lips parted as I tried to catch my breath. Ted was right, I liked that. I really liked that. Having him play with me was incredible. Now I'm the impatient one. "T-Too bad, I guess.." I manage to speak out with a shaky chuckle, letting my tongue smooth along my upper lip. "Now, you gonna keep everyone waiting or are you gonna fuck this pretty pussy?.."

I see Ted's eyes once again flare up with desire and arousal, hearing him let out another dark, yet shakier chuckle. That's exactly what he wanted to hear.

"Oh, I'm fallin' hard for you, you little bitch.."

Ted leans down to catch my lips in another deep, passionate kiss, using his free hand to begin working at the button and zipper of his shorts. I groan impatiently in the deep kiss, kissing him back with my own hands going down to his shorts to help him pull them down, helping him slip his boxers briefs down as well. Once he's fully exposed, I feel his right hand move up to smack onto his back window while the other let's go of my throat to align himself with my entrance, wasting no more time as he pushes deep into me. By now, he feels perfect slipping into me, every single god damn time. Something is missing if his cock isn't nestled inside of me. I'm shaped for him and him only and he knows it. He better know it.

He moves his hand up to press against the back door behind my head, bucking his hips up as roughly as he can against me. I can already feel how much he's been aching for me, his throbbing shaft massaging my inner walls warmly. Pleasure begins to surge throughout my entire body with every smack of his hips, a loud, needy moan slipping out of me everytime our skin connects. I lean my head back and let him hear the desperation in my sweet moans, smirking a little to myself when I can feel the truck rocking with his thrusts.

"Oh. God. Every. Time. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.." Ted growls, a single word leaving him with every thrust of his hips. "So. Fucking. Good. So tight, so--wet--FFFFUCK." He nuzzles his face into my neck, putting more force in with every single buck while his lips once again find my neck. His pelvis rubs up against me everytime our hips meet, I'm already getting lost in the pleasure he's rushing through my body, feeling his heavy pants against my skin.

"Oh god, Teddy! Teddy it's good!" I whimper for him, wrapping my arms around him to cling to him as best as I can, gripping onto his shirt to keep him close. "It's good, it's good! It's so good! So good!"

"I know, baby, I know--ugh, I'm gonna--" Ted growls into my ear, his hand moving from the window to slightly change the angle of our bodies, making my head nestle more into the corner of the backseat. "--gonna tilt this whole truck over fucking you like that, hold on.--" He puts us at a more diagonal angle with one knee on the seat with his other on the floorboard to keep himself steady, pulling my hips in closer. "There. Better..."

This new position gave him the room that he needed, able to tug me in with his rough thrusts over and over and over. The truck was definitely still rocking back and forth with us, arguably a lot more with how much harder he was fucking me, but neither of us cared now.

Ted quieted his own low moans and growls so he could focus on my own needy sounding voice, my head completely leaned back as I whimpered and whined for more, unable to form a coherent word or sentence that didn't include 'It's' 'so' and 'good'. It was all I could say, all I could feel. It was so good. It was so fucking good, everytime with this man is so fucking good. The intensity of it all was becoming too much. Here I am, in the backseat of his truck, getting railed like there's no tomorrow and no one has any idea where we've gone or what we're doing. It's exciting, it's exhilarating and I want to do more of it with him. I want to do everything with him.

"Ted! Teddy! I'm--It's--I-I'm cumming!" I cry out for him, finally able to get some words out when I begin to hit my peak a second time. I can feel his length throbbing inside of my tightened walls, my release building up more and more until it was nearly about to burst. Ted moved in to press his body down against me and latched onto my neck once again, panting and moaning sweetly into my neck as he bucked his hips against me like a needy animal reacting to heat. His pelvis continued to rub against my sensitive bud while the tip of his length massaged me from the inside and I'm able to release for a second time, crying out because of him; crying out for him. I can't control my volume even if I tried. I close my eyes just as I feel his hot seed push into my core, hearing his hand smack his back window as his body lightly convulsing against me, comfortably emptying into me. All of the pleasure centers around my aching core and rushes up my entire body and rumbles into my head, leaving me with a satisfying, light-headed haze, even as he gently pulls out of me.

X

Just as this pleasant high begins to fade, I feel Ted pull back from my neck with a weak moan, relaxing against my body to catch his breath, the truck's rocking still persisting ever so slightly. I lightly wrap my arms around him, one of my hands moving up to run my fingers through his tall dark hair. A part of my neck feels warm and damp and it's a little difficult to catch my breath with most of Ted's weight on me, but I'm completely satisfied. Maybe I'll keep this little adventure with Ted to ourselves. Joe doesn't need to know everything.

"You're incredible..." Ted whispers into my chest, letting out a shaky chuckle as he lifts himself off of me a bit, his dark orbs sparkling down at me. "You're fucking incredible, you're...everything.."

I meet his gaze with my own weak little chuckle, lightly biting the corner of my lower lip. I can feel the high of sex with Ted mixing with my infatuation for Ted. "E-Everything?..." I manage to repeat after a deep breath, giving him a little smile. "I'm...I'm everything except properly clothed, Theo.."

"Oh yeah, right...right..." Ted replies with another breathless laugh, glancing down at my bare legs. Fuck. This motherfucker really ripped my god damn underwear. "I...did that."

"I can't believe you did that.." I lean my head back for a moment and shake my head, my smile spreading into a satisfied grin. "You son of a bitch.."

"Hey, I did warn you. I tried to warn you." Ted insisted with a playful grin, shifting a bit to give me more room to move. "I just--ooh...uh...uh oh..."

"Uh oh?" I lift my head to look at him with my eyebrows slightly furrowed. "What uh oh?"

Ted, once again, doesn't answer me right away. He's looking down at me, but he's not looking at my face. What's he looking at? My chest? My chin? My neck?

Ted brings his hand to my chin to lift my head slightly, squinting his eyes and leaning in a bit, like he's focusing on something. I'm starting to get a little anxious. "What? What do you see?" I ask again with a frown, clearly getting more nervous by the second.

"Uhh..." Ted let's out his own nervous little chuckle.

"I...think that's a hickey..."

...Fuck.

"...A big one.."

Oh fuck.

__________________________________

*All Chapters, uploaded and not, will now be listed and linked at the bottom here ♡

Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 (smut) || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 (smut) || Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 (smut) || Chapter 15 || Chapter 16 || Chapter 17 || Chapter 18 (smut) (here) || Chapter 19 || Chapter 20 || Chapter 21 || Chapter 22 || Chapter 23 || Chapter 24 || Chapter 25 (final) ||

[zerotwoooo]

so which way to get to Dedede's castle? Grape gardens? Sand Canyon? Orange Ocean?

"Given the current location, it should only be a short trip west to Iceberg,"

"Iceberg... Couldn't it be somewhere warmer...?!"

"I guess he got bored of islands after the last time"

[kinardsevan]

i wrote a whole ass psychology breakdown (for the first time in FOREVER) about the break-up. enjoy (if you so choose):

so I've been reading a lot in relation to Tommy's speech during the break-up (and have actually gotten through the scene several times now, mostly as a creative reference for these fix-it fics. I think one of the first things that I've seen completely tossed aside (that bothers the shit out of me as someone with over a decade of therapy treatment and a psychology degree) is whatever trauma Tommy carries.

We know that there are issues with his dad. We know Lou's lore behind him is that he spent a lot of his childhood alone. We don't know anything in relation to his mom, but she may or may not be the cause of more trauma. We know that his way of dealing with abuse of authority is to shut down and follow the leader, which is likely a mix of his military time and growing up in his father's household (and when I say this, I mean from what we saw of him under Gerrard's command). This is a person who has put years into getting himself into some version of okay after all that he's endured, and we know he still generally does it on his own.

To that end, here, have my breakdown of the break up (roughly right about the time Buck says "I want you to move in with me"). (with pictures!)

Prior to the offer, we watch Tommy process through Evan's explanation about his relationship with Abby, things being transformative for him, etc. We have to bare in mind that this is where we also start to get what I've dubbed "starry-eyed Buck". He's so in the throes of what he's saying that I don't think he's really considering the connotation of his words. At the same time, Tommy doesn't know what lore Evan is about to drop him about this prior relationship. Remember that he now has to contend with the fact that they both have strong opinions on their relations toward Abby, and Tommy can't know if their feelings toward her as a person will be the same. I think Lou played this beautifully, appearing anxious and apprehensive as Tommy listened to Evan explain that Abby was transformative for him. Then he shifts into how Tommy has been transformative for him (which, he has, and we as the audience know this, but we understand it from a bigger POV than what Evan is saying with his words.)

There have been posts about Evan putting Tommy up on a pedestal throughout this speech (and really, possibly even sooner, but this is where we really get it expressed). Tommy tries to rectify this to a degree by countering "I wasn't always that way".

To that end, we then get Evan telling him "I know, and it just makes me admire you more." Tommy gives a bashful smile, clearly heartened by the statement, and even opening his mouth as though he's going to respond to it in some form. It would be interesting to know what was on Lou's mind of what (if anything) he thought would've been said there. Are there lines that were removed in this scene? Was 'I love you' actually going to come up? We can't really know. However, there's this part of me that thinks that Tommy thought that they were having a discussion on the depth of their relationship which would've possibly brought those 7 letters to the equation. Either way, this entire bit of facial acting is SO important, because it speaks volumes about how Tommy feels about how Evan feels about him.

From there we get the "I want you to move in with me, and this, THIS, THIS is such an important point for this ENTIRE scene. It's two seconds, but it holds SO much for the narrative. This man, who seems to be on the verge of ...something, clearly (who knows if I Love You was on his mind, or if it was just the fact that Evan was expressing how much he cares about him.) The reason this is all so important is THIS REACTION:

Now again, we don't know Tommy's trauma, but the joy literally drops out of his expression and shifts to panic. Now, speaking solely from the standpoint that these two haven't even said "I love you" yet, his boyfriend steamrolled over him from a possible declaration of love straight to moving in together without discussing semantics. Further, it's not even "I want to live together", it's "move in with me". We don't know much about Tommy's house (because these shitheads haven't built him a set yet), but we know that he has a HOUSE. With a GARAGE. Buck lives in a LOFT. Regardless of how much of an asshole this makes me sound like, it's crawling with red flags. It comes across as "fit more into my life" instead of "lets do this thing together". Further, if that's not bad enough, mention of getting engaged and married is thrown at Tommy as well, which holds two major bits of information: One, these are on Evan's mind. We've NEVER heard him talk about getting engaged or married to anyone. This speaks to the importance of their relationship to him, but the lack of I Love You also speaks on his own trauma. If we truly are getting the rom-com trope, at some point there's likely to be a conversation about why he lept over it (*cough* Taylor, his parents *cough cough*). Meanwhile, as he's continued in his starry-eyed speech, this is what Tommy is giving:

Now for those who don't know how to spot it, this my friends is a PANIC RESPONSE. The shift forward, the move to get up, the literal deep breath. He's having a panic attack. Now, obviously we don't know what brought this on, but god-willing, we WILL get the answers.

Now, to his own point, Tommy doesn't just straight up pop Evan's pink bubble. He does express that it's a sweet sentiment, but that it's a bad idea. To which point we get:

"Evan, that is so sweet. But I can't move in with you." "And why not?" Because. I know how this ends." "Uh, what-what's that supposed to mean?"

At which point, we clearly get the qualities about Evan that Tommy likes. "Incredible guy. Big-hearted. Hot as hell. Impulsive." I don't feel that the expression here matters as much as his tone of voice, because we can see on his face that he's expressing these qualities from a good place. The next point of reference isn't until Tommy's next line, when he says that Evan's reaction is out of things being "new and exciting".

To that end, the way Evan is talking to him makes this statement valid. He's not talking to Tommy like they've been together for six months and have built a relationship that should be moving in this direction. (For the tenth time I will repeat, he couldn't even dignify whether he was in love with Tommy when Josh asked).

Furthermore, I think when you consider this part of the scene, you also have to consider the strain in Tommy's voice. Something about those concepts (living together, getting engaged, married) is terrifying. It definitely gives the impression that Tommy has been faced with some version of this before and he got burned. Why is this important? Because of this:

"I'm saying no matter how bad I want it to be, I'm not your last." Those 9 words are important on their own, but when you couple them with the expression on Tommy's face and what we've just seen him go through, there's a clear point to the fact that he's been through this before. I also think that there can't be enough importance placed on the way he intonates "how bad". This is not a man saying no because he doesn't want to. He's backpedaling because he's sure that he's going to get burned. We get this point further driven home with this exchange:

"I'm your first." "But hey, they can be the same thing." "But, they usually aren't."

See this doesn't read to me as someone who's scared because he knows Evan has never been with another man. They're both fully grown adults who have had multiple relationships. What this speaks to me (now) as, is someone who has let someone convince him before that he would be their forever, that they were all in, and then broke him. When you include his childhood trauma and whatever abandonment issues it's left him with in correlation with all of this, yes, it's still an extremely biphobic set of lines. But in the context of what he's expressing and why, it's not about telling Evan he needs more experience, it's about telling him that he doesn't believe that he'll want to stay settled down with him six months, a year, etc., down the road. And THAT my friends, is abandonment issues 101. "Everyone else has left, so it doesn't matter that I'm in love with you, because you will leave too, and I need to protect myself from that."

Following that, we get this: "if I were to move in with you, you wouldn't mean to, you wouldn't plan for it, but you'd end up breaking my heart."

This line is SO important, right next to Evan's exchange with Josh about his relationship with Tommy. Why? Because even though neither of them have said it, it spells out that these two are in fact in love with each other, even if they haven't said it.

"I don't think I could deal with that." Tommy is fucking GONE on him. He's expressing that if he gave himself fully over to what Evan's referring to, losing him would break him. Again, we don't have the full picture on his trauma, but we know there's a mountain there. It's also worth noting again, that the intonation he uses in these statements clearly come across as someone trying to reign in their emotions and keep it together. That says to me that we're dangeously close to touching his trauma.

I don't feel like I have to include the final few bits of the scene in gifs because they're all over the site now, but the next line gives over the fact that he hasn't really been open about his trauma to Evan, given that his immediate response to expressing all of this is "I should go". This kind of reaction is generally brought on as not being accepted for having certain feelings. Now, obviously Evan is caught off guard by the entire interaction, the same way Tommy was (but for different reasons), so we have to take all of that into account when we think about the fact that instead of countering Tommy's logic, he asks instead if Tommy is breaking up with him.

Body language is also so important here for Tommy. His shoulders are hunched in, we see him wipe his face (meaning there are likely tears), and when he turns around, he's so caught up in whatever wave has taken him over that it takes Evan asking him for Tommy to state "yeah, I guess I did" about breaking up. Further, there's the fact that he states that he didn't see the break-up coming, which goes back to my point at the top of this post, that he clearly thought the conversation was going one direction, and instead it goes the other. From this point, we have Evan reeling, because he wants to create more of a life with Tommy, while Tommy is shutting down because of whatever is holding him back.

Finally, as I've referenced before, we get this line:

"Should've known that parking spot was too good to be true."

That line makes zero sense out of context, but in consideration of someone trying to lighten the weight they're carrying (which you can literally see by the way he has his hand on his neck, which you generally only see people do as a stress response). You can also double entendre this statement that getting to be with Evan was too good to be true. We get that little inhale with the smile, and I swear to God the only time I've seen that kind of reaction is right before someone cracks.

And then in closing, we get the "I'll see you 'round, Buck," our closing gut punch. Evan is still reeling, clearly. His face is very "what the hell just happened". Tommy is clearly not okay. This entire scene has opened an entire can of worms on them without a whole lot of answers.

Now, I've owned the fact that basically from the end of 806, I felt like this had to be a swerve, and that there has to be more to the story. I've also pretty much owned the fact that if the writers did actually just do this for kicks and don't have a resolution for it, I may not keep watching. However, in the context of the fact that, for the moment, I'm choosing to put hope in some kind of resolution, these lines make so much more sense. It is worth noting though, most people in the fandom, let alone the general audience, aren't going to psychologically break this shit down line-by-line. They're not going to lean into whatever trauma Tommy has that we don't know about yet. Its why the internet has been a mess since Thursday night. But it's also why I talk about how, when this situation gets resolved (because right now I refuse to say if), Buck has to give up the loft and give more of himself. Tommy, by the nature of the show, has fully immersed himself in Evan's life, but we haven't seen or heard mention of Evan doing so at all in Tommy's life. That doesn't mean he hasn't, but we haven't gotten any version of that. So when I say Evan needs to give things up... it's about matching what he's asking Tommy to give up. Because at the end of the day, when this circles back around, he's effectively going to be asking Tommy to trust that he won't break his heart like others have, and when you have a lifetime of abandonment issues and have learned to cope by being hyper-independent and alone, moving in the opposite direction is more terrifying than anything else. ESPECIALLY when you love that person, which we saw Tommy spell out. Evan has the ability to break him (and probably already is via this cut-off-at-the-quick break up.)

So, I'm really gonna need these shit heads to figure out that they'll be more miserable apart than they'd ever be together.

That's all. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[pippin-katz]

Voices We Don’t Hear

I was thinking about the scene in the cell down in Hell and wondering why it makes my heart clench so much even after having watched it so many times at this point, and I figured it out! It also led me noticing something in another scene that sticks out when it shows up. It’s the scene in the forest with Edwin and the Cat King.

It’s two lines of dialogue that I’m referring to: “This is all you are. Do you understand?” - Edwin from Ep. 6 “Hey, hey… let’s get you out of here.” - Charles from Ep. 7

These two lines have rare emotional tones for each of them. That sentence is a really bad way to say it, but I'll try to explain it.

We don't hear Charles speak in a soft voice often. He whispers down there in Hell and in Esther's kitchen, but I can't think of any other moments where Charles actually whispers. And there's something different about his voice in that line specifically. Because even though he's whispering, his voice is very clear and not breathy. With full whispering, the person's voice gets mostly obscured by that weird static-like/screen-filter that comes from talking that quietly, like Edwin's voice. (I have no idea how to describe what I'm talking about, but hopefully that's enough for you to understand lol)

So, even when Charles is speaking softly, it's not as quietly as he can. That line in particular is right after Edwin tells him what the demon does to him, and it's softer than all the others. And it's obvious why.

This is without a doubt the first time Charles has ever seen him like this: crying, small, scared, and so unlike himself. It's already heartbreaking. Then Edwin tells him about his torture, and he breaks down crying after managing to keep his most of his composure before.

If you look closely, Charles blinks a few times fast before he turns and cups Edwin's face. It's so dark and the lighting is so strange, but his eyes are shinier than they were previously. He forces himself to keep his focus on the task and being strong for Edwin, but he looks like he wants to cry.

Then he says that line so gently, so delicately while looking directly into his eyes while he holds his head between his hands. Charles voice is softer and a tiny bit strained from keeping his emotions in check.

It's the softest, most loving, and gentle moment of Charles in the entire show.

On the flipside, the line Edwin says to the Cat King is similar. Edwin definitely gets angry, frustrated, etc. and shouts and yells. But all of the people he yells at are people he has personal connections with, and the root of his distress comes from himself.

He yells at Crystal because he's having an anxiety attack after all the rapid changes to their routine, and bickers back and forth with her, but it's never truly malicious. He’s angry, but more importantly, he’s hurt. Crystal’s seeming lack of understanding of the weight of the importance is reminding him of how little people care. He snaps at Simon in Hell, but within minutes he calms down, recognizing how genuinely remorseful and ignorant Simon had been. He yells at Charles in a sort of angry-loving way on the staircase in Hell; he's not actually angry with him.

But in the forest, Edwin finds out that the boy he's been seeing and making friends with has been the familiar of the witch who wants to destroy them in disguise, and was pretending for at least some of their relationship. He also learns of all this because the Cat King exposes him rather than Monty confessing. He's hurt and angry, and then the Cat King pulls the "you owe me card" to try and get Edwin to kiss him even after all of the times he's rejected him.

He tells him off and goes to leave, but the comment the Cat King makes about dismissing him makes him turn around immediately. The way Edwin gets close to him, invading his space like he's done to him multiple times, and shoves the bracelet in front of his face.

There's real venom in his voice when he says the line. It's rough, gravelly, and it's obvious that Edwin has truly run out of patience for the Cat King's antics.

It is truly the angriest we see him in the show, at least from a standpoint of genuine anger toward someone he considers an adversary of some kind.

Edwin has no real relationship with the Cat King; he's basically his warden, the person who has trapped him in this town, and then treats him like he owns him. Given that it was a matter of diplomacy and caused by an error he made, he allowed the Cat King to have his fun to some extent, but in that forest, when he's just found out his new friend is actually a crow and there's a massive, ghost-eating mushroom monster threatening his and Charles' existence, he could not give less of a fuck about playing nice. He's frustrated and upset and stressed about so many different things all at once, and then this smug cat guy, who seems to think they're something more than a captor and his captive, has the audacity to say that Edwin owes him? Yeah, bye bitch! He is done.

I want to hear more of both of these versions of the two of them. I want to hear Edwin rip into an enemy, voice dripping with malice. I want to hear Charles comfort and reassure him (or anyone, but preferably Edwin) with that soft voice that is cherishing and gentle, treating him like something delicate that deserves to be handled with care after the universe has quite literally ripped him apart and crushed him.

(ko-fi)

[eveninglakehomeworld]

hi friends and lovers, I've gathered a small collection of dialogues from Zevran in DA:O regarding Antiva & the Crows.

I got this together mostly for myself, but thought I'd share in case anyone who is maybe looking to flesh out their new Crow OC, write fanfic involving Crow characters, or is looking for a refresher on early Crow lore would like something to reference. I trimmed down dialogues a bit, so mostly just information relevant to the Crows, Antiva in general, and Zevran's own attitudes about being an assassin are present.

this post has dialogues from Zev's recruitment event and a couple of early game camp conversations. because it's only a handful of dialogues, this is, ostensibly, part 1 of several. I plan to post more as I progress through my replay of origins. enjoy! <3

Recruitment

Warden: "What are the Antivan Crows?"

Leliana: I can tell you that. They are an order of assassins out of Antiva. Very powerful, and renowned for always getting the job done... so to speak. Someone went to great expense to hire this man.

Zevran: Quite right. I'm surprised you haven't heard much of the Crows out here. Back where I come from, we're rather infamous.

Warden: "You came all the way from Antiva?"

Zevran: Not precisely. I was in the neighborhood when the offer came. The Crows get around, you see.

[After being asked if he's loyal to Loghain]

Zevran: Beyond that, no, I'm not loyal to him. I was contracted to perform a service.

Warden: "And now that you've failed that service?"

Zevran: Well, that's between Loghain and the Crows. And between the Crows and myself.

Warden: "When were you to see him next?"

Zevran: I wasn't. If I had succeeded, I would have returned home and the Crows would have informed your Loghain of the results... if he didn't already know. If I had failed, I would be dead. Or I should be, at least, as far as the Crows are concerned. No need to see Loghain then.

Warden: "How much were you paid?"

Zevran: I wasn't paid anything. The Crows, however, were paid quite handsomely. Or so I understand. Which does make me about as poor as a chantry mouse, come to think of it. Being an Antivan Crow isn't for the ambitious, to be perfectly honest.

Warden: "Then why are you one?"

Zevran: Well, aside from a distinct lack of ambition, I suppose it's because I wasn't give much of a choice. The Crows bought me young. I was a bargain, too, or so I'm led to believe. But don't let my sad story influence you. The Crows aren't so bad. They keep one well supplied: Wine, women, men. Whatever you happen to fancy. Though, the whole severance package is garbage, let me tell you. If you were considering joining, I'd really think twice about it.

Warden: "Aren't you at least loyal to your employers?"

Zevran: Loyalty is an interesting concept. If you wish, and you're done interrogating me, we can discuss it further.

Warden: "I'm listening. Make it quick."

Zevran: Well, here's the thing. I failed to kill you, so my life is forfeit. That's how it works. If you don't kill me, the Crows will. Thing is, I like living. And you obviously are the sort to give the Crows pause. So let me serve you, instead.

Warden: "And what's to stop you from finishing the job later?"

Zevran: To be completely honest, I was never given much of a choice regarding joining the Crows. They bought me on the slave market when I was a child. I think I've paid my worth back to them, plus tenfold. The only way out, however, is to sign up with someone they can't touch. Even if I did kill you now, they might kill me just on the principle of failing the first time. Honestly, I'd rather take my chances with you.

Warden: "Won't they come after you?"

Zevran: Possibly. I happen to know their wily ways, however. I can protect myself, as well as you. Not that you seem to need much help. And if not, well, it's not as if I had many alternatives to start with, is it?

Warden: "Why would I want your service?"

Zevran: Why? Because I am skilled at many things, from fighting to stealth and picking locks. I could also warn you should the Antivan Crows attempt something more... sophisticated... now that my attempts have failed.

A few early game camp conversations

Conversation 1 Warden: "What does it take to become an assassin?"

Zevran: Well, the Crows would have you believe that it is an involved process that takes years of training, the sort that tests both your resolve and your endurance. Survive that process and maybe, just maybe, you're good enough to start being considered one of them. But quite frankly the truth is that all it requires is a desire to kill people for a living. It's surprising how well one can do in such a field.

Warden: "It doesn't take any special skill?"

Zevran: I don't know about that. It's simply a slightly different skill set from your average killer, as I see it. An assassin simply specializes in striking from stealth... and in maximizing that first attack to be as lethal as possible. Debilitating your foe, either by poison or by crippling their limbs, makes any follow-up combat you need to engage in that much simpler.

Warden: "That sounds like it could be useful."

Zevran: See? Getting paid for the act is beside the point. An assassin is more a tactical choice than a lifestyle. Of course, the Crows like to pretend that their abilities are trade secrets, shrouded in shadows and wrapped in a blanket of mystery. So let's just keep this between you and me, shall we, hmm?

Conversation 2 Warden: "Why did you want to leave the Crows, exactly?"

Zevran: Well, now, I imagine that's a very fair question. Being an assassin, after all, is a living, at least as far as such things go. I was simply never given the opportunity to choose another way. So if that choice presents itself, why should I not seize upon it?

Warden: "You didn't choose the Crows?"

Zevran: Mm? To be truthful, I didn't even know the Crows existed when I joined them. I was but a boy of seven when I was purchased. For three sovereigns, I'm told. Which is a good price, considering I was all ribs and bone and didn't know the pommel of a dagger from the pointy end. The Crows buy all their assassins that way. Buy them young, raise them to know nothing else but murder. And if you do poorly in your training, you die.

Warden: "That sounds awful."

Zevran: "Oh, I don't know about that. The Crows who are actually good enough to survive come to enjoy some of the benefits. In Antiva, being a Crow gets you respect. It gets you wealth. It gets you women... and men, or whatever it is you might fancy. But that does mean doing what is expected of you, always. And it means being expendable. It's a cage, if a gilded cage. Pretty, but confining. [note: I transcribed the first line of the last section as it was written in the subtitles because it seemed to make more sense in context, but when Zevran speaks it aloud he actually says "That does not mean doing what is expected of you." presumably an editing error, but can't be 100% positive which is the intended message.]

[After being asked what he thinks his future might hold]

Zevran: As for what I'll do in the future... presuming that there is one... I truly can't imagine. It might be interesting to go into business for myself, for a change. Far away from Antiva, of course. For now, naturally, I go where you go.

Warden: "Won't the Crows eventually find you?"

Zevran: [laughs] Eventually can be a very, very long time if one plays one's cards right. Come, now. Enough chit-chat. Talking about the Crows summons them, you know. Any Antivan fishwife could tell you so.

Conversation 3 Warden: "Do you actually enjoy being an assassin?"

Zevran: And why not? There are many things to enjoy about being a Crow in Antiva. You are respected. You are feared. The authorities go out of their way to overlook your trespasses. Even the rewards are nothing to turn your nose up at. As for the killing part, well... some people simply need assassinating. Or do you disagree?

Warden: "You've never killed an innocent?"

Zevran: Now there's an interesting word, "innocent." How many men do you know who can claim to truly be innocent? But if you're talking generalities, such as children and relatives and bystanders and such... never on purpose, but it happens. It's unfortunate, but death comes to us all. If not me, then some wasting disease. Or a fall down the stairs. Or at the hands of a darkspawn. It's all relative in the end.

Warden: "I suppose that's true."

Zevran: "Death happens," as we like to say. And when I get paid for it, death happens more often. As far as enjoying the act of killing itself, why not? There is a certain artistry to the deed, the pleasure of sinking your blade into their flesh and knowing that their life is in your hands.

Warden: "I know what you mean."

Zevran: There are many things I did not enjoy about being a Crow, of course. Having no choice, being treated as an expendable commodity, the rules... oh, so many rules! But, simply being an assassin? I like it just fine. I will continue to do it, if I can, even if I am not a Crow. Honestly, could you picture me doing something else?

Conversation 4 [note: I trimmed this one down a lot bc it's just one of the ones where he tells you about a job and there's not a lot to be gleaned about Antiva, how the Crows operate, etc] [In response to being asked, "The Crows were willing to anger the Circle of Magi?"]

Zevran: In Antiva, nobody is too important to escape the reach of the Crows. They have killed kings and queens. That's simply how it is.

[After elaborating on how he fumbled an assassination attempt and the mark died accidentally, instead of by his hand]

Zevran: Then I found out she had told the driver to take her to Genellan instead. She has planned to lose me in the provinces. I would have looked very foolish to the Crows. As it was, my master was very impressed that I had done such a fine job of making it look like an accident. The Circle of Magi was unaware of foul play, and everyone was happier all around.

Conversation 5 Warden: "Tell me a little about Antiva."

Zevran: Oh? You wish to know about Antiva, do you? The only way to truly appreciate it would be to go there. It is a warm place, not cold and harsh like this Ferelden. In Antiva it rains often, but the flowers are always in bloom... or so the saying goes.

Warden: "Don't you want to go back?"

Zevran: [sighs] It is not really a matter of wanting to go back. I cannot go. At least not yet. I hail from the glorious Antiva City, home to the royal palace. It is a glittering gem amidst the sand, my Antiva City. Do you come from someplace comparable?

Warden: "I'm not from any glittering gem, no."

Zevran: No? That is too bad. If you were, then surely you would spend as much time boasting about it as I do! Hmm. You know what is most odd? We speak of my homeland, and for all its wine and its dark-haired beauties and the lillo flutes of the minstrels... I miss the leather the most.

Warden: "Is that some kind of euphemism?"

Zevran: [laughs] It may as well be! But not this once, no. I mean the smell. For years I lived in a tiny apartment near Antiva City's leather-making district, in a building where the Crows stored their youngest recruits. Packed in like crates. I grew accustomed to the stench, even though the humans complained of it constantly. To this day the smell of fresh leather is what reminds me most of home more than anything else.

Warden: "That's a little bizarre. There's leather everywhere."

Zevran: Ah, but it's not Antivan leather, is it? I do not know what the Antivan tanners do that is different, but ther is no leather more supple nor more fragrant.

Warden: "You sound like you've been away from home forever."

Zevran: Oh, not so long, I know. It is my first time away from Antiva, however, and the thought of never returning makes me think of it constantly. Before I left, I was tempted to spend what little coin I possessed on leather boots I spotted in a store window. Finest Antivan leather, perfect craftsmanship—ah, but I was a fool to leave them. I thought, "Ah, Zevran, you can buy them when you return as a reward from a job well done." More the fool I, no?

Warden: "Your home is still there, Zevran."

Zevran: True, and it's a comforting thought. One simply never knows what is to come next.

Now, if it is all the same to you, I would prefer not to speak more of Antiva. It makes me wistful and hungry for a proper meal.

Bonus banter snippet because I found it amusing:

Morrigan: You assassin types have a death wish, I see.

Zevran: [laughs] Only the really good ones.

[snufkepo]

7/25/24 update they're still at it and they still don't understand what they're doing wrong this is their Instagram account:

Only users that have content directly affecting them can report for intellectual property, so if your work is stolen report the post.

~~~

7/23/24 update: the user has taken down the stolen content ❤️ I'll still keep the post up in case there's any repeat cases in the future from the same person, but I'd appreciate if there were no further confrontations to this user

~~~~~

hi wild kratts tumblr here is a nice casual "please be aware of this user" post of the following individual on tiktok. pictures have been attached.

i reached out to this person 3x in their comments, (their DMs are only available if you're mutuals), and they seemingly have deleted my comments. because i sincerely want the posts that took my work down, I'm creating a PSA about the issue.

if you are a wild kratts artist posting on tumblr, chances are high this person reuploaded your work without permission or credit. I'm unfortunately one of these people, and I want to express explicitly, right now, I do NOT want anyone to reupload my work without my knowledge, explicit consent, or credit. here are the following people i know that have their work stolen:

@clementartz @ranfordgallus @littlecrittereli @beanskcid @burntnoodls11 @starruby-123 @yes-asil @jessadamsdraws @creatorping @vazaez

it is fully possible for there to be more people out there, i've just cataologued the ones i've recognized.

There is an example in particular I want to go over in more detail.

Warning for the following of mentions of incest.

I'm going to emphasize this STRONGLY. I do NOT, never have, never will, and will not condone any form of incest, or any type of proshipping, for that matter. It is uncomfortable and distasteful that this user reuploaded my work not only without asking or credit, but also with the assumption that my work is proshipping. I do not want to associate with those types of people, so it is especially important to me to remove this post and all associated stolen content.

In addition, it just generally sucks that this person reuploaded a work that's really personal to me, (my high school graduation artwork), because that's something that reflects a major event in my life in particular. To have it cheaply reused for likes and attention removes the meaning I put behind the piece, disrespecting me, the artist, and my intention behind it.

If you're one of the people who's had their work stolen, you can file an Intellectual Property Report on TikTok. This is the action I will take for the work stolen from me.

Though their account appears to have some original works, their general post catalogue consists of mostly stolen content, so reporting their account rather than just a singular post is also an option if they've been a repeat offender to your work, + might be easier for those who haven't had their work stolen but still hope to help.

If you, the reuploader, are seeing this post, I want you to know I don't hate you, nor do I want anyone to attack you. I want you to know that this behavior is wrong, and is disrespectful to the artists whose work you exploit for your own personal gain. Even if you did leave credit, permission is always an expected courtesy of reposters from artists, so please, for future reference, take that to heart.

We're all people. Please be nice to each other and respect each other's boundaries.

[drdemonprince]

Hey Devon. This is related to community-building ask, as I feel it kinda hit something in me, and that is my frustration with my local queer "main community", who is mostly made up of people who can work/hang together (people in visual and performative arts, LGBT NGOs, event organisers and so on). It's so closed off and so circlejerk-y that it's demoralising. I've been trying to fit in ever since I started being an adult, almost ten years ago, but I have never made any progress on getting to any of its members. I have made queer friends who are wonderful people, and as you said in the previous ask, that is enough and makes a community of our own already. Nevertheless, it is frustrating for all of us to go to a queer space/show/event just to see that the crowd there is made up of people who know each other and talk to each other and make big groups, while we're just sitting there. It brings us down to know that for queer political events like protests (which are ofc organised by them), we have no one left to fall back on except us. It makes it weird when only one of us is able to go protest, they'd rather not go because it feels so lonely to be sitting around all those people who just know each other, who have been passing by us for so many times over the years, and yet never take interest in even saying "hi" or whatever. It makes us think that they're fucking disingenuous and their "community building" is a load of crap. And I don't really want to feel like that about my people, but look at me, after almost ten years in my city, I fucking do.

Hi there, thanks for your message.

Let me just say that while I understand where the perception comes from, the queer people who put on shows, run nonprofits, and go out clubbing are not "The main lgbtq community" in your city. They're just a bunch of cliquish, careerist, young, privileged people who market themselves as such because they've been convinced that's what the "queer community" is and because doing so helps them get butts in seats at events.

I've seen theater kids, drag performers, DJs, comedians, party promoters, and other various people of the attention-seeking arts (said neutrally) do this all my fucking life. They stake a claim on building "feminist spaces" and "anti-racist" spaces, too, among other things, and use those higher values to sell tickets to their shit too. It's a way to make every tragedy that strikes oppressed people into an advertisement for their burlesques and shit. Don't let the self-important myopia get to you.

The real queer community? In any given city? Well, it's not any one thing. There is no singular "queer community". What people often refer to as the LGBTQ community or the queer community is a demographic, not an actual community. That demographic is marketed to, including by fellow queer people, but that does not a community make.

A community consists of people who know one another, and have enduring bonds, and who have shown up for one another mutually in multiple ways. A lot of these hot cool stylish young queer people are actually merely colleagues of one another. When there's a conflict, or a cancellation, or a venue that closes, they will be tossed to the wind like so many dandelion seeds. Compare that to you and your friends, who can and do remain in contact as the seasons of life change.

It is demoralizing to see so many people who talk a big game about community fail to show up to do activist work that is meaningful to you. I can't deny feeling the same way. For many years, I dated an actor who was very plugged into the local scene, and while his theater company had a reputation for being progressive, trans inclusive, even left-leaning, almost nobody in that collective did anything for the broader 'community' at all. They were all too busy being overworked five nights a week for like a $200 per week stipend, writing plays in which they repeated leftist platitudes but did relatively little.

I'm being a big overly cynical here -- the theater did just put on a big pro Palestinian fundraiser -- but the fact is that running a club, a theater, a local education org, or a regular drag show is a business, and in the end the business always comes first. Even when the members of that business might not want it to. They're often extremely exploited and underpaid, which is part of what makes them so hungry to market themselves and maintain their careers. I have sympathy for it. But meaningful social connections and local impact it does not make.

All of which is to say: please try to remember that these people presenting themselves as the symbols of the local "community" are just a bunch of artistic kids who are trying to make a living doing what they love. They're naive, exploited, a little self-absorbed yes, but they're ultimately not that important. they just deal in a very self-important line of work.

There are SO many queer people all around you who never go to those fucking clubs and shows and aren't even on instagram. The "main" queer community, demographically, is more like the nerdy 40 year old gay couple that lives down the street from you who goes out to the movies once or twice a month and holds board game nights with their friends. The "main" queer community is volunteering at the zoo, going camping with their fraternity brothers that they met 20 years ago, working at the car dealership, planting tomatoes at the local community garden, taking care of elders with dementia, organizing weekly running groups.

You can find people like this -- total normies -- who will care about causes greater than themselves and want to contribute to community building efforts. Many of those people are already doing a ton to make community. It's just less sexy and less self-consciously queer than like, the dance parties. It's also more diverse, accessible, and capable of meeting people where they are at.

It does sound like you would like to meet more activist friends / politically engaged friends, and for that I'd say try looking at pro-Palestinian (for example) events and spaces and seeing who turns up there, checking out a local food not bombs chapter, looking up local mutual aid groups or buy nothing groups, getting involved in hyper-local initiatives, and putting what feelers you can on local forums and personals boards (like Lex, local Facebook groups, local Meetup groups, etc). You probably wont find a perfect space, but you will find worthwhile people scattered everywhere you look!

[lostreverb]

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS / HEADCANONS ABOUT MAX COOPERMAN

just realized that aside from jake, most of max's relationships with people were either superficial or transactional which he probably just thought was normal growing up as a rich kid who was a "loser" learning that ppl only liked him when he had something to give them.

of course, when he was younger everyone loved to go to his birthday parties b/c his parents were loaded and they always planned something extravagant to try and make up for the fact they were never really around but, as he got older his parents stopped really caring to put on those parties. after that, no one bothered to give max any attention or befriend him unless they saw his wealth as something useful, or just brought him around so he could be the butt of the joke. and the second they got what they wanted from him they discarded him. being the kind-hearted and naive boy he is, he doesn't really fully grasp it until after ryan beats him to a pulp. he brushes off what happens but it honestly profoundly affects him from then on.

he thought ryan was a friend but turns out he was just being taken advantage of, his parents didn't care to come see him in the hospital despite how serious his condition was, and jake, the only genuine friend he ever had, ends up leaving (prolly bc college) and max later refers to him in passing as "a guy i brought up back in the day" which hints that they likely don't talk anymore.

so college starts. a fresh slate. max guards himself with this macho (with a very small hint of being an asshole) persona. he's got a leadership position as the RA of his floor, got two nerdy "friends" that are very reminiscent of ryan and his guys (remember when they snicker along with him at mike?), and a semi-famous reputation online. he loses weight the summer before college and decides to stop fighting (probably caused by the trauma from ryan) but we see he uses hand grips so even he definitely wants to keep himself strong for his physique and to protect himself. though max is still fairly lean which is likely an insecurity for him. the last thing he ever wants to be seen as is a dork.

let's not even talk about how being conditioned like this affects his views on women and relationships. first off in highschool he only gets attention from baja's friends b/c of his association with jake, then in college he gets all this attention because he's "attractive" now and has this cool car, dorm and fame due to the fighting videos + promotions. he's (mostly) only ever made out with drunk women at parties or events that just throw themselves at him but it never goes further than that.

he likely has made himself believe that he should think of women as prizes (again as awful as ryan was max kind of molds his new self with his influences subconsciously. he had the kind of attention, the girls, the intimidation factor max aspires to have), but if a girl were to ever genuinely like him it would fry his brain. he wouldn't understand the idea of someone wanting to spend time with him, even if he wasn't really doing anything. to intently listen to him and partake in his interests. or how much happier you'd look after just going on a walk around campus with him vs. when he bought you jewelry or flowers.

it left him with a feeling he only experienced once before when jake saved him, and went after ryan.

it just clicks for him like-

oh. this is how it feels to be genuinely cared for.

it's not soon after he realizes that you tell him you love him for the first time, while cuddling in bed (he's sure his mother used to say it to him when he was younger but he honestly can't really remember anymore-- the most communication he has with his parents now is the deposits into his bank account).

once the door closes, and you've left for your classes.. he feels the lingering heat of your lips, your words echoing in his head and the way you looked at him...

and he cries.

[horsechestnut]

I think my ideal Steph, Cass, and Tim dynamic would be that they're all best friends, but they can not all hang out together. Like, if you ask any one of them who their best friend is they genuinely will not be able to pick between the other two, but all three of them together triggers each of their insecurities in the worst way and always leads to a fight.

Like, Steph and Cass are so affectionate with each other, and constantly flirting and Tim assumes their teasing, but what if they're not, and oh god is he third wheeling on a date between his ex-girlfriend and his sister? They don't actually want him here, they invited him to be nice and he was to oblivious to realize it wasn't genuine. He should leave. But before he can come up with a believable excuse they've changed topics and... hang on, did Steph just say her dad threw a book at her once? Because so much of Steph and Cass's relationship is built on an understanding that they won't make a big deal when they mention something messed up about their past that they just say stuff like that, but Tim does not have that same understanding. So Tim hears that and instead of rolling with it, it's "Steph you can't just say that like it's not a big deal... why is Cass laughing? You can't laugh at that it's fucked up! I don't care that it was a long time ago!" And now Cass is confused and Steph is angry and Tim feels like shit for probably ruining what they wanted to be a date and frustrated that he's being treated like he's overreacting despite being the only one with a normal reaction to child abuse. Mostly he's terrified that he screwed this whole thing up somehow and neither of them is going to want to hang out with him again.

Meanwhile Steph and Tim are so intrinsically linked to each other. They've shared things they will never share with anyone else, they were each others first love. And Cass understands that, she does, but it's hard sometimes seeing how easy they are with each other. The way Steph knows Tim's upset without having to read his body langue the way Cass does or Tim can predict exactly how late Steph will be to any given situation. More than that though, what truly makes her want to hide away from them, is the history they both had but didn't share. The sly comments about Tim looking like a character Cass has never heard of or jokes that make no sense but send Steph into laughing fits. The kind that when she asks are brushed off with "it was an old meme" or "just a show from when we were kids". The reminders that she isn't normal, she can never really be like them. If she doesn't ask most of the time it doesn't occur to them to explain, it seems so obvious to them. They start doing a synchronized dance from some movie that came out when they were in middle school and Cass slips away into the shadows. Later she gets a string of concerned text that slowly turn angry when she doesn't answer. Cass never tells them what was wrong.

And it's hard for Steph to look at Cass and Tim and not feel jealous, because more than just being friends, they're siblings. They are full members of the club, Bruce's children, let into the fold in a way she never can be. She doesn't even want to be anymore if she's being honest, but it still stings. They'll casually mention family dinner or reference inside jokes from the last Wayne charity whatever and Steph will feel the growing desire in her chest that she can not, under any circumstances, let anyone see. The desire that has caused her so much pain, she will not give it control over her again. And Cass calls Tim Robin sometimes, and he calls Cass Batgirl in return, and Steph has to bite back the urge to scream at them that she was Robin too! She is also a Batgirl! But it doesn't matter because she wasn't Cass's Robin or Tim's Batgirl, and it drives her insane that they're romanticizing that time, because don't they remember how much of an asshole Bruce was back then? And now Tim is mad at her for bring up the past as if they're not the ones who started it, and Cass is assuring her that Bruce has changed, and maybe he has, but it's to fucking late! He already ruined any chance of Steph every feeling fully comfortable with her place in their lives. So she storms off, fuming, leaving a baffled Tim and Cass to go enjoy their stupid family dinner.

So yeah, they are best friends. They all love each other more than they know how to say, and trust each other more than anyone else in the world. But they can never all hang out together. That only ever ends in disaster.

[another-random-paradise]

Hey!! I was wondering if i could request what you think some housewardens would be like with a S/O who makes a lot of references? Whether it's anime, video game, pop culture etc etc, I don't mind which ones you choose as long as Idia is there!! Thanks :D ur underrated

A man of culture

Thank you so much for the request and the kind words, it really makes my day <3 I mostly kept the references vague, because as much as i love them, i am horrible at coming up with them- Hope you enjoy!

---------------------------------------------------------

Reader makes a lot of references

Characters: Idia, Malleus, Cater

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: None that i can think off

Idia

-You're on a somewhat big bolder, looking down at him "It's Over, Anakin, I Have the High Ground!" He is down on one knee with a ring, Or at least he would be were he not way to socially anxious he is so in love with you it is unbelievable

-Because it would most likely mean that you not only make references, but would also understand his! He won't have to switch to normie language nor constantly explain everything!!

-I feel like he'd be a lot more comfortable around you, because he feels more 'normal' with you; he knows you won't judge him for his word choice nor his interested, because you do the same!

-Of course his social anxiety won't disappear completely, he is still anxious around you, especially because your important to him, and there might be some days were it's worse and needs time to himself, that of course won't change that he loves you and tries to be as open as he can be with you (Speaking from experience here lol)

-If you two are dating/really close, he'll let you still chill in his room, even during some of his worser days, just don't expect much conversation. 

-Don't be afraid to look over and make a joke or reference based on what he's currently watching/playing, you'll make his day! He might not reply, but you can hear him laugh :)

-On his better days, chances are the two of you are having a date in his room, watching anime or playing video games in wich he definitely won't get competitive, noooo while eating snack and you're just almost exclusively talking in references, just going back and forth-

-In fact, not just during dates, during the few times he is outside it would be the same!.. much to your friends dismay, because most of the time, they can't understand a word you say. Cater might understand one or two from pop culture or if they're popular memes but that's about it

-Ortho also understands because he can just look it up! He very much approves of the two of you, because thanks to you, his brother is outside AND smiling for more than a few seconds, that's an absolute win in his book! :)

Malleus

-He doesn't understand a word you're saying, but he loves you anyway.

-Most of the time he just lets you say your references, happy you're comfortable enough around him to be yourself, even it confuses him!

-If the reference directly impacts the conversation though, or if one just happened to catch his interest. He'll listens very intensely to your explanation, almost scarily so! Not that you would ever find him truly scary <3

-You'd probably hold back from making to many references around him, not wanting to confuse him. When he finds out, he tells you not to. He wants you to be able to be your authentic self, and if he gets to ramble about gargoyles to you, then it's only fair that you get to make as many references as you want, no? He just needs some explanation some times

-That gives you an idea! You make a slideshow about the most common/popular, as well as your favorites, to show to him!.. Turns out he doesn't know what a slideshow is, but he is intrigued!

-So now you have a date teaching him how to make slideshows and help him make one about gargoyles! Now you have a slideshow date at least once a week, where you explain refrences and he talks about slideshows :)

-He is actually really happy about it, it shows your comfortable enough to be yourself around him and your slideshows lets him understand a bit of modern media, making it just a tad bit easier to get along with his classmates!  

Cater

-He either gets all of them or none of them; it really depends on the type of references tbh

-If it's pop culture, then he would get most of it, you'd be the type of couple who flirts through references and memes

-Half of his tweets would just be stuff like "[Insert popular hot character] ain't got nothing on my s/o" and his fans have a field trip every time. He'd also sends you like a bunch of memes and "Happy spouse, Happy life" videos

-So if you do the same? He'd love you even more than he already does! He really loves all your references that he does get, they never fail to make him laugh! You two would just be out and about, till you spot a dog that can jump very high, "Oh wow, that dog can jump higher than super Mario himself." You look to your side and see cater giggling to himself, a genuine smile on his face   

-And if you compliment him through references? Suddenly, he is very flustered!

-It might take him a while to accept the compliments though; You can't tell me he isn't actually insecure behind that influencer act. But once he does, he'll be a flustered mess every time, stuttering while trying to come up with an equally flirty comeback, BUT once he gets used to it, you two will absolutely go back and forth trying to out-reference-complement each other

-If it's anime or video game references, i feel like it'd be a bit different, since he would probably not get them unless they're really mainstream- I don't see him too invested in stuff like that 

-He'll still encourage you though, because he adores the how you'll excitedly compare something to your favorite scene, or how monotonly you'll compare someones stupidity to a character that's known for their stupidity 

-He loves it all, even those that he doesn't understand :)

This was so fun to write!! also, first time writing Cater, kinda nervous

Feedback is welcome, just be nice :)

hope you have a nice day/night!!

[kaliforniahigh]

I'd rather take my whiskey neat - n.s.

Bestfriend!Noah <3.

Warnings: two misogynistic comments from Noah and smut. I think that's it.

WC: 2.6k

You and Noah are having an argument in the middle of the living room. You don't really remember what prompted it in the first place, but you know it is about the fact that you are going out on a date with one the band's good friends. And that really didn't sit well with Noah.

It is not that the dude is a bad guy. it's just that he is everything that Noah is not. He is blond with a buzzed head. He has blue eyes and not one tattoo in sight. And the fact that you wouldn't go after someone like him pisses him off. Or maybe just the fact that you didn't go for him and chose to go out with someone who you have barely met.

Anyways, he is heated and so arr you.

"I don't really understand why you would go after someone like him. There is literally nothing interesting about that guy!" he exclaims gesturing around with his hands, as if that is going to make you understand his point. you don't.

"There is the fact that he treats me well and is actually very nice to me. Isn't that enough for me to find a guy interesting? but if you're referring to something else, I actually do think he is good looking" you state, as a matter of fact you do think he is very cute.

"Well then he must be fucking you really good for you to defend him this much"

You go quiet after this comment. Mostly because you're sure your ears are deceiving you. He couldn't actually have said that, right? Noah has been your best friend for many years, he cares for you and he wouldn't make such a crude comment, right? But by the looks on Nicholas' and Jolly's faces he would. And he just did.

"I can't believe you would say that to me. Not that it matters in the slightest, but no, we haven't had sex yet. But if I wanted to let him fuck me on the first date, I would, because I can" you told with a serious face, your voice was quiet now.

He knew he should have stopped there. Hell, he should have stopped even before he made that stupid comment. But something made him continue, and later he would realize that it was the fact that imagining someone else fucking you drove him up the walls.

"Well, maybe that is what you need. A guy to fuck you real good so you stop being a fucking bitch."

The whole house went quiet. You could hear a pin drop and you swear Nicholas and Jolly even stopped breathing for a moment. Honestly, so did you.

In the next couple of seconds, as you stare at his face with a shocked expression, you wondered what do you need to stop being a bitch about. He started the argument, a completely useless and pointless argument, and he has the nerve to tell you that you're a bitch?

"You know something, Noah? I expected this from anyone, really, but I didn't expect this from you. Don't bother texting or calling me once you realize what a dickhead you're being, and I won't be coming around either."

With that, you left and got inside your car. You really don't remember the drive to your apartment, your mind was running a million miles a minute. But once you got inside, you decided that cleaning the whole apartment was a good idea to get your mind off of things.

What you didn't expect was to realise just how deeply rooted Noah is in your life. When you tried to organize your desk, you found the polaroids you took with him and of him when he invited you to tag along during the European leg of the tour because you were on vacation from work.

Or when you tried to organize your cabinets and you saw all of his favorite snacks that you kept for him when he came over.

Giving up on all that, you decided to fold and hang your clothes that were scattered around your room inside your closet. That is when you picked up your favorite sweatshirt, that obviously belonged to Noah. He gave it to you when you made a comment about how soft it was.

So you sat on your bed and wondered. About the reason he was so angry at you going on a date. And you thought about how you would react if the roles were reversed. He has obviously dated before, but they were never serious and he never really took the girls on dates.

The girls were fine, and they were temporary, you knew that. Deep down you knew none of them were good enough for him to have a serious relationship with. They didn't know how he liked his thermostat temperature. They didn't enjoy the horror movies he liked so much. They didn't know what time he went to bed or what time he woke up. How could they make him coffee in the morning if they didn't know how he liked his coffee?

And it dawned on you that YOU knew all of that. That you were the person who was ever going to be good enough to date him because you knew him inside out. And he was the same with you. And he knew this other guy could never treat you like he does, or do the things that you like, because Noah is the only one who knows how you like things, without you having to tell him.

So you gave up on trying to clean your room, you picked up your keys that you dropped off on the side table and drove to the place you have left not even an hour ago.

You didn't knock because you had a spare key. The house was quiet and there was only one car in the driveway, so you knew Noah was home. As you rounded the corner into the kitchen, there is where you found him. Back turned to you and drinking a White Claw.

"I thought you said you weren't going to come around" he quoted you from your argument earlier, not even turning to look at you, because he felt your presence the moment you unlocked the door.

"I want you to tell me why you think he isn't good enough for me." He sighed and finally looked at you. He had a dark look on his eyes that were so different from the soft one he always showcased around you. That fact took you back a little, and you knew this conversation was going to take a turn for something entirely different. You didn't mind that at all.

"Because he doesn't know you. Not like I do. And he can't treat you like I do, and he certaintly can't make you feel like I do."

"And how do you make me feel?" you challenge him with a look, wondering what his answer is going to be.

"Why don't you tell me? You're the one with your thighs clenched".

"You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking you need to bend me over this counter so you can show me how you can actually make me feel. You know, that whole fucking the bitch out of me thing." You really couldn't believe you said this, but you couldn't take it back. You didn't want to.

He rounded the kitchen island and closed the distance between you in a couple of strides. Eyes never leaving yours. "I think I need to get you in my bed so you can be real comfortable when I eat this pussy for hours." He truly left you speechless with this one. "Ladies first", he motioned to the stairs.

So you went up to his room, where you've been in many times, just the context right now was completely different. He closed the door behind him, as you stood near his bed, honestly not knowing what to do now that this was about to happen.

You felt his presence behind you, making you shiver. "Turn around and look at me" you did as told, tilting your head up to look at his eyes. "You need to tell me you really want this, forget about that stupid comment I made, this is not about that."

"I do want this, and I know this isn't about that". As soon as you said this, he grabbed you by the nape of your neck, grabbing a fistful of your hair, tilting your head back. When his lips made contact with yours, you never felt something so right before. He guided you to his bed, lips never leaving yours, as you laid back and scooted up to laid your head on his pillow.

He left kisses all over your neck and collarbone, making you sigh loudly at the feeling. His hands roaming your body with purpose, gripping your sides and hips, travelling under your shirt to pull it up and off of you. His hands now encopassing both of your boobs completely, squeezing to feel how heavy they felt under his hands.

As he made his way down your body, finally arriving where you wanted him, he looked up at you, asking for confirmation once again. You just answered him by hooking your hands under your pants and taking them off completely. That is all he needed to begin cupping and feeling your warmth through your panties.

He dragged his nose up and down your covered slit, taking in your scent. "Fuck, I always wondered how you smelled like, how you tasted like. I bet you're really sweet, baby". You were about to quip back with a response when he pulled your panties to the side, licking a generous stripe from your hole all the way up to your clit.

You moaned, never having felt like this with just one touch. After tasting you for the first time, it was like he couldn't stop himself anymore. He just loved how you became do pliant and relaxed for him.

It didn't take long for him to pull the first orgasm out of you. Making you arch your back and close your thighs in on head. He just stayed there, running his hands up and down your thighs, licking you all throughout your high. When you finally relaxed back on the bed, he made his way up towars your face, kissing you throughoutly. You could taste yourself on his tonge and that made you feel the need to taste him.

When you tried to turn the two of you around on the bed, he didn't let you, he kept you in place with his hips pressing into yours. You could feel how hard he was under his sweatpants.

"As much as I want to have my cock in your mouth, I really need to be inside you right now or I'm going to go crazy", he told you and you thought you couldn't get wetter at this point, but you were absolutely wrong.

"I think you're wearing too many clothes for that to happen". He then stood by the end of the bed, taking his time with stripping down to his boxers, and then to nothing at all. You couldn't stop admiring him, the tattoos all over his body, his arms and suddently you couldn't just lay there and do nothing.

You crawled over to the end of the bed, kneeling so you were at eye level with his chest. You begin kissing him to your hearts content, running your hands all over him, scratching him with your nails. You looked up at him and his head was thrown back, eyes closed. You palmed him and descended your kisses even lower, leaving featherlight kisses on the head of his cock, only to feel his hand grip your hair and yank you away from him. "Get on the bed".

As you were about to get on all fours for him, he stopped you "Lay on your back. I need to look at your face when I first slide into you". You lay back on the pillows, spreading your legs as an invitation for him to fit in between them. He laid down over you, supporting himself on one elbow, as his other hand traveled down to grip himself and guide him to your entrance.

He was serious about looking at your face, his forehead was touching yours when he pushed into you. You gasped, your mouth making an "O" shape as you gripped his back with your nails.

"Fuck, you're so warm and so ready for me, baby. Feels like this pussy was made for me", you could only nod, as your legs went up to lock around his hips, pushing down, telling him you wanted him to move. "Give me a second, baby. I want this to last".

He began slowly, and then picked up his pace, getting up to kneel on the bed, spreading your legs wide open, gripping around your thighs to get more leverage so he could fuck into you harder. He had a hazy look in his eyes, as he watched your tits bounce with each thrust of his hips.

His tattoed hand roamed up your abdomen, in between your breasts and traced the outline of your lip. "Know you wanted to suck my dick, sweetheart, but you can be a good girl and suck on my fingers, right?"

"Yes, please. Give me your fingers", you asked as he slid two of his fingers inside your mouth. One of your hands gripped around his wrist, controlling the pace of the movements, swirling you tongue around his digits as it went in and out of your mouth.

When he deemed them wet enough for his liking, he pulled them out and begin tracing circles on your clit, making you gasp. "You're gonna make me cum", you told him, with your voice strained. "I know, baby, I can feel you clenching around me. Where do you want me to cum?"

"Cum inside of me, I need to feel you inside of me, please", you asked him with a begging tone. You noticed his pace falter a bit. "You can't say shit like that and expect me to not blow my load inside of you. Tell me when you're cumming".

You knew he was close by the way his thrusts became a bit sloppier, his fingers on your clit picking up their pace and you felt your high approaching. "I'm gonna cum, please don't stop, please", you moaned as your core tightened and your legs shook, a silent cry leaving your lips as your orgasm ripped though you.

Noah watched you with admiration and pride, knowing he was the one making you feel so good. Your orgasm prompted his, as he emptied himself inside of you with a loud groan.

He couldn't keep himself standing on his knees anymore, his bones felt weak and spent, so he laid down on top of you, burrowing his head in the crook of your neck, cradling your head, breathing heavily.

You closed your eyes, revelling in the feeling of his weight on you, as you started to run your hands through his hair. He was still inside of you, and you weren't sure you were ready to let go of the feeling yet.

"I'm taking you out on a date and then I'm keeping you to myself forever", he told you, voice muffled by your hair neck. You laughed lightly.

"You don't have to keep me, I'm already yours".

[wisteriainslumber]

baby twst headcanons

happy mothers day, have some disorganized tiny shenanigans feat. the twst women warnings: ch7 spoilers for draconia family members, siblings lying for fun (borderline malicious behaviour), foul language, and maybe a teensybitoftraumaoopsies

Riddle

if he could, he'd be an outside kid with tons of bug friends

secretly kept a caterpillar pet in a lil terrarium jar until it could fly on its own

he found it while it was raining outside and wanted to help it grow :(

my guy was a sickly victorian child

rarely would three months go by without riddle falling ill

he has dyslexia. without the pressure of having to get everything right on the first try, riddle can kinda enjoy reading now because he gets to learn new words and concepts at his own pace

deep in the corner of his room sits a journal with only half if it filled out. most of the entries start like 'i read a new book today' immediately followed by something like 'i do not understand life'

he actually can't bear to read the contents of the more recent diaries, but he equally can't bear to throw them away (not until he can send his younger self a letter that it will all be okay)

his only connection to other people his age were trey and che'nya

and on the occasions where trey was absent che'nya would 'teach riddle about the queendom of roses'

most of the time he fed him lies and riddle believed him

and most of the time riddle would yell at che'nya for being confusing and not clear enough

you can't just tell him that the hat man haunts him at night then reply with "what hat man?" when riddle asks for clarification

like !!! the hat man you just told him about !! (which gets him a reply of "who told you about?" damn you che'nya)

his favourite childhood memory was going out with them to get matching pins together

he still wears his little crown pin today!!

cats would frequently perch on his windowsill and riddle likes to watch them lounge in the sun and wonder what cats think about

(che'nya claims to know but riddle has never seen the beastman talk to a single cat)

but kitty-speak was riddle's first learned animal linguistic. he would practice by talking to the regular cat by the window

it stopped showing up for a while and then came back with four kittens and riddle smuggled them for a good... three anxiety-riddled hours before telling the cat their babies will be well taken care of with che'nya instead

riddle may had to give up those kittens that day but owning a pet cat will be in his future soon. #manifest

Trey

it was a massive game of follow the leader in the clover household

when mama clover was carrying flour over to the patisserie, you'll see the mini clovers carrying small bowls and utensils to help

easy bake oven user

but he was ass at it

legend says his unique magic manifested at age 10 when it was mommas birthday and he baked a really shitty cookie, so he prayed to the queen that his mum would think it tasted nice and it did :D

his siblings took a bite out of the rest of the batch and wretched very dramatically

had his hands full trying to convince che'nya to not eat the glass he found on the sidewalk because it 'looks crunchy'

in fact, whenever talking to adults, trey never refers to che'nya by his nickname but his entire full name. he just wants you to know!! also che'nya is a nickname for friends and family >:(

trey's room has always been free reign for his other siblings, they treat it like a common room

why? mostly because they don't have permission to do anything fun without supervision but big brother trey can to be their supervision :)) right :)))

the clover household is no longer shocked by che'nyas abrupt presence in their house. he seems to favour a certain corner of the house and most of the material on trey's bed

theres usually an extra set of utensils by their table in case che'nya appears. there used to be two extra sets but.. you know🫠

his siblings started a game of hiding as many rubber ducks in trey's room without him noticing

but after they permanently clogged the pipes of the toilet with their duckies, they switched to ugly stickers all over trey's bicycle

howEVER, it happens to be their bicycle now because trey outgrew it and had to get a new one. have fun cleaning the stickers :D

unofficial designated seats at the table and in the family car. real fights have broken out over the siblings because of these spots

still fears basketballs to this day because his brother threw one and trey happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and he woke up with the wrong accent. oh, and a concussion

Cater

all brands but barbie was ruined for caycay

his sisters used him as a mannequin to practice makeup

he had extremely elaborate revenge plans to pin them on the other sister but would get his ass whooped if he was caught

of course, that never stopped him from being extremely crafty to get out of trouble :)

referring to himself in third person cutely was a learned behaviour for survival™

it never worked in his household but it surely worked with other kids his age

collecting pity points but at what cost

had a girlfriend on club penguin for two months and got publicly dumped on club penguin

banned from club penguin because he wouldnt leave her alone and she reported him

sold off his sisters rainbow looms

those kids that are cognitively gifted such as he thought the people in the tv were trapped in there and then asked his mom if they were also in a tv and trapped

whenever dad worked in the office, cater would sit in the big boss chair and 'help', which meant that he was sorting coins and bills based off colour

he also told his dad to wash the money because it looked dirty on the corners

whenever he and his sisters played together, they'd tried to open the compartments of their toys and cater had so much fun with the screwdriver and taking stuff apart

also owned a joint notebook with his sisters. there would be things like poems, drawings, and the hair of ruined barbie dolls taped inside

cater has his own journal though, and he composes very emo poems in there. all written in glitter gel pen. cater would later look back on these and cringe but the more you read, the more you kinda get into it. it is a tad bit profound... for an eight year old, that is

Ace

demented ass doll player

his version of fun was making his dolls de-limb each other and throw them into a big pit to summon his darth vador figurine

whatever in-game ace is, that was his brother except he was significantly worse

my boy ace was the number 1 victim of big bro trappola

ate brown paint chips, which was 'chocolate' according to his brother

was locked inside the bathroom while his brother whispered bloody mary into the walls

sat through horror movies to prove he was a big boy and shit his pants when his brother recreated the jumpscares in the middle of the night

until he got a little older and started outsmarting him

now the trappola brothers team up to terrorize everyone else

its a competition for the brothers to compete over who can spoil the plot of which movie first

weaponized the slap bracelets

sucked milk out of plushies. no i will not elaborate

he's a jump rope champion! and it carries over to those skipper hoops as well

he does prefer the skipper hoops over the rope simply because there are um... ankle shattering consequences if you miss a jump, which meant it was perfect for sharing with the neighbourhood kids! gotta keep those stakes high, ya know?

tried to do a lot of magic tricks to impress papa trappola

made his brother take him to the amusement park and big bro got MAD tips because everyone thought ace was so cute, and quote unquote 'an angel'

like NO HES NOT???? if only big brother trappola knew ace picked up his charisma from him😭

Deuce

grew up with 80s movies, he thinks every that happens in those movies are true stories

he was always presented with old gadgets to 'fix' so its now something he can do pretty well; restoring old devices

the kids his age thought he was like wayyy too old fashioned, like born in the wrong generation

bike kid. if he wasnt inside he was on wheels

he kept a barbie doll in his bike basket and always made sure she wore her helmet (she was the bike guard)

slept with eggs and held them in his hands hoping to hatch a baby chick

thinks teachers live at the school

super sweet child. he's the first at the other kids' side if they got hurt

at the same time he is the biter kid. especially on fathers day

loves reading stories with grandma. whenever she came over, he would bring her a book

he'd also stick around the kitchen and try to see what she was doing. he thought that maybe he could learn to cook a few things by himself so they had more time together

in times like these he would be internally angry at his father because?? grandma is always working, mum is always working, fuck that guy specifically.

easter is his favourite holiday. his family have a tradition of egg painting and deuce used to hide caramel candies in them because grandma liked them

best helper kid around. will hold the dustpans and stuff while Dilah was sweeping

knew the names of all the trucks his mum drove and also a lot of the mechanical part names

had a habit of accidentally breaking things like clocks so he learned quickly how to fix them back up

his grandma takes him shopping for stamps so deuce can send mail to his house, addressed to his mum

Leona

parkour child

bounced all around the palace, climbing the trees outside and everything. gotta keep those claws sharp

before his father fell ill, the kingscholar family used to have lil picnics with Kifaji outside

without fail, leona would always find the highest seat or a nice sun rock to rest upon

unconsciously, even now, leona finds immense comfort in sun rocks

followed his brother around everywhere

when he couldn't catch up, Falena would give him piggy back rides while he was going about his day

asked him many questions bc hes curious about the world

would ask him difficult questions he already knew the answer to just to see Falena struggle lol

whenever tiny leona got tuckered out, his brother would carry him back to bed in lieu of the servants

leona insisted on sitting in the conference room with his dad to gain insight on how kingdom affairs were run

papa kingscholar agreed since it would be good exposure for them, and leona was the one who took notes, Falena would point out the participants at the table and quietly introduce them to leona

ruined the lives of people he played chess with. imagine being bested by a nine year old in chess. the shame.

after Falena got married, leona shifted his studies from maintaining amicable kingdom relationships to medicinal research and ancient curses

the palace staff thought it was out of malice, but leona wanted to focus more on the properties of magic now

(and also, well, based on the new target on his brother, his new sister-in-law, and his nephew, there can never be too many precautions..)

even when he was a tiny child he did whatever he fancied

his servants may have told him that tending to a servant's hair was below his stature but that only made him sneakier when making tiny braids in Kifaji's hair

git gud g

Ruggie

another crafty child

aye, when it depends on your survival, you learn to use those legs of yours to run like the wind

even worse he was a small ass child so he was hard to find

snuck into schools and pretended he could talk to ghosts and charged the kids a quarter to talk to a ghost for them

mental math god. from multiplication to geometry and time, ruggie knows the most efficient ways to get the job done, as well as a few backup plans

would sew up little felt dolls for his neighbourhood friends

left the house to do a bunch of odd jobs and picked up quite a few languages, which meant even more jobs all around, and now he has some pretty unique talents

like, he can preform acrobat tricks! and he can also paint a house upside down. oh, and he can travel quickly on one foot! (don't ask)

oh yeah, ruggie had a huge slime stand

he would make so much slime and sell it off and it made mad bucks but he also absolutely hated slime. what a good waste of detergent and glue, honestly... >:(

and people wanted them different colours and with charms and the like. at least it was a thriving market, but ruggie cannot stand the sight of slime ever since he retired from the slime scene

really liked rubiks cubes because it was like painting a little puzzle. also, when the children got bored of it, they would try to detach the squares and put them on the faces they desired

it was so funny to watch because they will use the oddest tools and tricks to dislodge the squares (like tying a shoelace around a square and trying to tug it off like you do with baby teeth)

ruggie also made lots of origami as seasonal decor :D his grandma really like the flowers and birds he would fashion

this IS canon but i want you to know that he would take the neighbourhood kids and rotate the group around houses in different costumes to get more halloween candy. everyone stan ruggie

Jack

he has younger siblings so his sense of justice was in his personality wayy back then

got to be an exemplar big bro for them💪

whenever they were playing castle, jack was always the princess because his sister wanted to be the heroic knight

if you asked jack, he would say that his sister only wanted to be the knight as an excuse to beat the shit out of his brother

wanted piercings but couldnt get them pierced so his sister gave him sticker earrings

they did not work nor stick very well but he loved him

let his siblings bite him, it seems to be their preferred mode of affection

sometimes they will wordlessly enter his room just to bite him and chill

often had playdates with vil when he was home

jack still doesn't quite know what the difference was between all these water brands vil was showing him but the spirit is there

oftentimes vil was alone in the house so the two played grown up and cooked by themselves

vil had told his dad that they were married because jack would come over and had sleepovers a lot

jack has a big green thumb. he wanted to plant a garden but he started with succulents first because they are notoriously hard to kill

by now he's ready to advance but every time he goes to get different plants, he comes back with more succulents haha

the plants under jack's care are happy enough to bloom flowers, and he gives them to his mama

if vil learned a spell, he would teach jack and vice versa. the BIGGEST supporters of each other. friendship is magic, guys

the first time they learned colour changing spells was an entire mess and vil was bawling in a panic by the end of it because they dyed Eric Venue's favourite couch bright blue and didn't know how to reverse it

jack wanted to call vil's dad to tell him but he ended up calling the wrong number and thought they were in trouble so he ended up bawling too

whenever vil wasn't in the class, no doubt jack is going to question his whereabouts

oddly, jack and neige have never interacted and only found out about vil being their mutual friend well into their teen years

Azul

like ruggie, was a master hider

unless he wants to be found, you will never find him

learned how to read earlier than kids his age because he wanted to prove he could spell big words to his mama

he may have cried a lot as a kid but do you know what that means? FREE black paint!! SUCK IT, PLEBS.

my boy was an astounding artiste, its why hes so creative with getting his way

azul is a visual learner, and always finished books a little slower because he REALLY analyzes all the pictures like downright dissects it

his grandma suggested art as a way to express himself while also making sense of the world around him

even though he thinks his old drawing of him and the twins is outdated in terms of his skill level now, he has a sentimental attachment to it and keeps it in his room always

trading trinkets was a common thing between the trio aka the twins would pop by

mama ashengrotto adored the twins bc they adored azul('s mom that is)

also inherited a beautiful singing voice from mama ashengrotto. he and his grandma would bond by playing the piano and singing. sometimes, they'd do a little show at his mom's restaurant

red hair was seen as very attractive in the coral sea and he very regrettably colour-magicked his hair

it was not the shade he wanted, but he was curious on what was, so with the many complex spells he learned at his age, he experimented with different lengths, colours, and styles until he restored it back to its original form

there remains one surviving picture of his red hair and it is kept in his stepdad's wallet (because its the only place azul wouldn't look!)

no azul is not aware pictures of his redhead era even exist

Jade

loved to weave necklaces and bracelets using shells and plants

gave a lot of necklaces made of sharks teeth to his family and azul because those are valued good luck charms!

it might also be because he loved to hunt sharks but he pretends thats not the reason :)

wandered off all the time and floyd always had to drag him back home before night

hes a curious boy, wanted to explore everything around him, especially the dangerous places

child leashes don't work in the sea but im sure mama and papa leech would have loved to have one anyway

was the main reason why he and his brother have separate rooms

too many petty "stop leaving your mess on my side (of the room)" and hissy fights had mama and papa leech mad

things definitely settled after they had separate rooms

sometimes if he got into trouble he would pretend he was floyd and sent his parents off to look for "jade"

highkey never worked but it never stopped him from trying

started a new method of using tears and his parents were more lenient with him after so he realized he can get away with things if he shed a few tears

he can cry on command and this is his primary weapon if scaring people off didnt work

will then pin it on the other party as if he didn't enable the fight

straight up told floyd lies growing up, that the pufferfish would crawl inside his ears when he sleeps, or that floyd was 'allergic' to seahorses, or that in order to get an angler mer to go away, floyd had to use bioluminescence

this carried over to land as well except jade didnt know whether his words were true or not he just straight up made things up

was also a very very sickly child. got ill extremely easily and is much more sensitive to temperature or water pressure changes

esp during pollen season? jade is gonna lose those lungs he just acquired from sneezing and coughing

Floyd

grade A hoarder

he sees something he likes? he's bringing it back home

unlike at NRC, the twins have separate rooms so the entire space is filled with a bunch of floyd's knickknacks (its why jade is always mad)

as soon as hes done playing with one he's found something else on his swims so his room is 80% things lying around

and when jade stole said knickknacks claiming it was his turn to play thats when floyd suddenly claimed that mermaid doll (that he highkey forgot existed) was his prized possession

back off jade thats his property😡

when he was younger, he loved looking and behaving exactly like jade, but as he got older he valued being his own person instead of an X2

is actually legitimately the older sibling by a few minutes and deliberately decides whether its his privilege or not whenever he can

but as soon as "because you're the oldest" is said he claims that none of them are older because they were born on the same day

to the outsider, it sounds like floyd is feeding jade a heap load of bs, but he likes gathering trivia and wording it so it *sounds* fake but really isnt

like that seahorses give birth via baby explosion

one exception to this rule is that floyd is constantly changing the story of how he met jade

one instance it was that they found each other, another was that some kid kept begging him for food and that later their mom said that was his sibling, other times, jade had allegedly died before floyd used his awesome magic to revive him

most of the time floyd tells jade that a whale shat him out and whatever came out of it looked so deformed and floyd thought jade was so soppy pathetic (in a cute way) so he brought him home

jade never tries to refute nor confirm any of these allegations but when the last story gets told he's always a little more passive aggressive with floyd that day

Kalim

sickly victorian child #2

its from all the poison attempts

and as a result he may or may not have tried mithraism so maybe its worse than we think😭

allergic as hell to bug bites too like someone please give them a electric racket

hide and seek is banned from the Asim household

at that point in his life, kalim had a good 6-7 siblings and letting them loose in a big household AND telling them to hide is a recipe for disaster

it was almost impossible for him to get in trouble too because no one was about to scold the heir of the house

workers of the Asim palace were absolutely not going to scold him and his parents had like fourteen other more rambunctious younger children

but don't be fooled, kalim is a very good seeker when it matters! he can spend hours focused on finding something important, so those hide and seek games were banned for a VERY good reason when kalim was out at night searching and didn't return the next morning (meaning he got childnapped)

oh, whats a little kidnapping but a minor setback? hes fine and in one piece, the doctor triple-checked! anyways, who's ready for another round of hide and seek??

every now and then, kalim falls victim to the good ole' midnight hour and kitchen scissors hair disaster. no, no one learns

the birds and random animals in the Asim park (that's right, his private park..) all have names and kalim visits them often to befriend them

he's learned around a total of eight languages and he will personally translate (with jamil as the scribe) his own books so he can teach his younger siblings

even remembers all their favourite hobbies, genres, activities, etc, etc

the Asim children all have one thing in common and that is their love for bubbles, but who doesn't?

kalim spends time in the nrc lab to create the perfect bubble solution with big, long lasting bubbles. trust.

remembers faces, names, and even birthdays very well. you can always bet on kalim to wish a servant or one of his tutors a happy birthday!

to kalim, having someone know your name and be happy to see you is very important! so he wants his loved ones, guests, and servants to feel appreciated, especially on their very special days :)

Jamil

has the immune system of god he has survived all of the flu seasons without catching it himself

he and kalim played in the bird houses often

taught the parrots a bunch of silly words and phrases

Najima taught one of the parrots to only refer to jamil as 'stinky'

he and Najima claim they look nothing alike even though kalim and everyone else insists its true

the two siblings fought over particular hairbands while sitting next to an entire selection of them💀

Najima loved to fight over things that jamil wanted first just for the victory

yeah, even in childhood jamil never got a break. as if the universe would give him that

we all heard the silly goofy story of jamil shuffling around under a vase thinking he was all sneaky and shit. he has many more stories like this

such as climbing in trees (he only got stuck twice!), wrapping himself in cloth and slithering on the ground (very conspicuous!!), again, draping himself in fabric and trying to blend in with the walls (with a 50% chance of success) etc, etc.

he is SO good at hiding and has so many secret spots around Asim palace, trust him.

Najima?? literally sent him a picture of curry for his birthday to celebrate. the two constantly send each other a bunch of pictures of random rocks, disfigured trash, and all sorts of unsavory things with the caption 'look its you'

while other servants were renovating Asim palace, they told the kids not to run around, because someone could crack their head if they fell off the ladder/the ladder fell on them

so, like the curious kids they were, jamil, Najima, kalim, and a few of his siblings camped around the construction zone waiting for someone's skull to break

its just morbid curiosity, they weren't wishing ill upon anyone

Vil

'don't carry me! i can walk by myself!' but in a way to convince his dad to pick him up

loved being carried around but would never admit to it

partook in many sweets as a kid even though he limits himself now

had a tradition with neige to make hot chocolate every thursday after school. in the warmer seasons, they switched to making their own fruit juice with the blender

from whole kiwis, to sweet potatoes, and ginger roots, it evolved to throwing random things in the machine to see what kind of funky juice would be made

our dear Eric Venue thinks this is so cute he has no problem with it as long as they dont waste food and clean up after. it would be a good habit to learn

plus vil looks so happy because he thinks operating a blender is such a grown up thing to do

1000% ate things he wasn't supposed to

the lipsmacker smelled so good though :(

when he failed a spelling bee and didnt want his papa to be disappointed in him the most logical thing in his seven year old mind was to eat the test

ripped it up and munch munched on the paper

and that had been his primary solution to bad grades until he was able to get in a good study technique (that, and his stomach rejecting the paper)

HORRENDOUS handwriting and it was because he tried to trick himself into being left-handed for a good portion of his life because the Beautiful Queen was left-handed >:(

also had trouble with enunciation from learning very big words. Eric can understand him but a bit of speech therapy and musical training helped

(if you're lucky, you'll still hear hints of it when vil's extremely sleepy)

often made friendship bracelets with, like, no one to give them to

traded a few with jack because vil taught him how to make them. jack thought that they would be a nice thing to give to the rest of his family, and made a few for vil in exchange

Rook

you think him crawling around on the dirt was a recent thing? hell no this was a learned childhood behaviour

he may not have had a bow back then but he had rocks and a will to play

and by will to play i mean he would pelt a lot of things with rocks

his old teachers had to placate him by teaching him how to skip stones on the lake for every one else's safety

only members of his own family were willing to play hide and seek with him

mostly because he is a terrifying seeker. you hide in the bushes and not two seconds later you hear those loud ass military grade boots stomping in your direction

ik no one wanted to play hide & seek with his ass. he only got worse after he developed his unique magic

helped paint his family's nails bc he had such a precise hand

its probably the nail polish fumes that made him this way. among 10 million other things

you know how kids would give each other cards and lolipops on valentines day?

well, on heart's day, rook would have drawn a picture of all his recipients and attach a cool leaf or flower to it

its very adorable and extremely thought out. his old recipients still think of him to this day (real)

rook had very nice penmanship even at a young age. he started by replicating his fathers handwriting and liked the flow of cursive and flair of a signature (rook has made a lot of personal signatures for himself)

had a wax stamp phase where he would dry out and collect a bunch of flowers and presses to make wax stamps

he still is crazy about wax stamps but now he can carve his OWN presses with his OWN knife 👍👍

made homemade twisttube videos at home with his siblings. they range from movie scene recreations, lip sync videos, or full on original scripts

be assured that the costumes, lighting, acting, and editing were rather top tier for their age, and it is because rook's family is exuberant like him (all cutie pies!!)

Epel

mud pie maker

he and the chickens in his village go wayyy back

didn't need animal linguistics to understand the clucks

uhh hey did anyone else have the experience of having pet chickens and then having them disappear and reappear on the dinner table??

im not saying it happened but im also not saying it didn't happen

he does brush his hair. the only reason he hates it when vil brushes his hair is that he feels like his scalp is getting scraped off

the only way to get epel to bathe was to use those three-in-ones because he would never sit still

those children that get dirty thirty minutes after you bathe them. sigh

overlined his lips with his ma's lipstick because ma used it to look nice before going to sell their produce, and epel wanted to help with sales this time. you can probably guess what happened after

the dislike for cosmetics is lifelong

(he did apologize by picking a handful of dandelions for his ma)

adrenaline junkie through and through. as soon as his legs were long enough to touch the pedal, he'd be operating the forklifts and in no way was it safe or responsible

fed the birds with seeds meant for their garden. they were hungry :(

fiddled around with the stray instruments on rainy days, now he can play in perfect harmony during celebrations with his relatives

epel has perfect pitch. destined for pomefiore all along <3

epel did not fear bees. he has potential for being a beekeeper but he didn't want to wear the bee suit

learned how to read and write very early in because he wanted to help out around the village. epel put checkmarks to confirm shipments and things

a bunch of his drawings are hung around the home

'helped' his grandma Marja knit by using the needle to stab the ball of yarn she needs to hand it to her

Idia

banning him from anything was impossible

locking your kids away from the cookie jar would work for anyone but idia. and not for the spiteful reason you think

makes him want to do it more because its interesting enough to stimulate his genius little brain

at that point he doesn't even want the cookie anymore

doing mental gymnastics to exploit loopholes. having a remote controlled airplane fetch him a cookie isn't going against his parents' word because technically he never touched the jar at all

which leads to extremely specific rules established in the shroud household

some notable ones include "severed limbs are only allowed in the staff freezers on halloween" and "no hacking the automated showers to chase down staff member C for thinking Premo are cuter than ortho"

his minecraft boyfriend broke up with him after they built their house together

it doesnt end there though, it never does. ortho took control of the pc to burn down the house and idia also got them banned. never underestimate the rage and revenge spirit of a child scorned

you know that thing about a devil and an angel on the shoulders? well, ortho was 90% the enabler for Bad Behaviour

and mostly because if idia was thinking of doing something, chances are, ortho was already doing said something

the S.T.Y.X staff often with the brothers were usually roped into playing video games and were happy to listen to whatever the boys felt like talking about

idia would bring new inventions to them and play a guessing game of what they think the function was

ortho stunk really bad at building things from scratch, but he was pretty good at memorizing the names of the parts to help idia

idia would ask the staff to take them to the observatory often. they would learn all about the constellations and idia liked to chart how they changed through the seasons

Ortho

his parents mostly had him because idia always got too creative when he was bored and thought having a new baby in the family would help idia fix up his behaviour, you know, be a good role model for ortho and all

... turns out, ortho would be pulling idia into all sorts of mischief. and worst of all, he ALWAYS GOT AWAY WITH IT.

he is tiny but mighty

lots of attitude in this little body

his favourite word was 'why'

him and idia had new nicknames for each other all the time

some of the time they were just kid things, most of the time they were a prize

whoever clears the extreme level with the highest score gets to make the other call him a nickname of their choosing

his received nicknames included such like "cosmic warrior", "lord of the shadow realm", and "the almighty" (when he beats idia's high score... after 5 losses in a row that is)

has no problem hacking the main S.T.Y.X system then blaming it on the employees for having weak security (some bs like 'im six and managed to break into the most secure network')

im sorry but i can't deny it. yes, ortho is an ipad kid and yes his ipad was disgusting

except ortho actually does listen to cyber security and he didn't have the passcode lock, he had the password lock, and it was changed every other week

(idia has accidentally locked the ipad on several occasions trying to guess the overly complicated password)

insane attachment in the sense that he will make up some bs reason (AND a forged research paper to further solidify it) on why he can't be separated from idia

if he were actually surrounded by children his age, just know ortho would've been the biter kid

weaponizes his cuteness just like jade but in a more ^^🌸 way

in these cases he will only refer to himself in third person because it pulls the most heartstrings

tugging on idias sleeves and telling him "ortho wants a cookie" had yielded better results for him than "i want a cookie"

and ortho is nothing if not a very smart boy

Malleus

fully believed that eating the seeds of watermelons would cause one to grow in your stomach

grandma Malificia found it too funny to correct him and to this day malleus still believes it

1/2 contributor to lilia's hairstyle. whenever lilia tried to make him take his bath he would spit fire

(until lilia let him play with the bubbles that was)

when he was a little kid and knew he was in trouble, he would hide in all sorts of places and pout

except he sucked at it. his hiding skill was between "if i dont see you, you cant see me", or his tail would be poking out behind the couches

usually the servants would turn the other way unless it was an emergency. because if malleus was found by anyone but the Queen or lilia, he'd have a toddler tantrum (he thinks they gave up on him)

spent most of his early days finding comfy nesting places or hunting for shiny things. there was nothing but Instinct in his little noggin until he could transform into a bi-pedal form

every day, without fail, he would get his horns stuck in something and throw a fit over it

testiest kid to ever test. when you tell mal he can't do something he'll do it bc he wants to understand why he can't do it

wanted to help grow the roses in his garden faster by summoning a thunderstorm that lasted three days and three nights

whatever tantrums you think malleus throws now are the most mild ones in his entire life

a younger malleus would summon entire hurricanes unknowingly and he would screech and babble in old fae tongue

a non-briar valley resident could easily mistake this for a demon summoning, but this is a normal tuesday in the palace

TRUST, malleus' temper is the tamest ever in the entire draconia lineage

the palace staff actually thank the witch of thorns for her mercy because this tantrum only burnt the entire east wing of the castle to the ground. the young prince is so tame !!

Lilia

straight out of a horror movie, this one

has the long dark hair and only wore long white dresses to really complete the look

loves walking around bare foot to connect with nature. that dress will be smeared with mud, fur, and berry juice (that were always red or purple tones, to everyones horror)

you all have lilia to thank for the inspiration to this horror trope

im talking wandering around in the dark, glowing magenta eyes, which appear red at times

sits SO still when its story time and the story is ancient curses and tomes

was also the kid that claimed they had a ghost friend and that his peers were being mean to "billy"

and no his family was probably the exact same way tbh

the fae are sturdy and lilia went without supervision for days

its quite a normal thing in his household

lilia would be fighting real ass ghosts in diapers and his mom would be cheering him on

the streaks are not from a goth phase but it was more of a 'the fruit juice in cranberries make really nice paint did you know??'

he also really loves tomato juice and it happens to be pretty too, so, why not?

it was originally red streaks but faded and he liked the pink better

one day he packed his bags and told his parents he was going to live in the afterglow savanna and his mom straight up joined him in packing

i like to believe that lilia did have edible food as a child but the army just ruined his tastebuds for Ever bc at that point, food was only a substance needed to live, it didn't have to be enjoyable

yeah, anyway it would be super funny if lilia's parents were good chefs, but lilia legit cannot tell the different between salt, flour, and white glitter

lilia was scooped up by Malificia mostly for his skill but it really turned out to be a glorified playdate for Meleanor

the princess was a mENACE and lilia could take her thunderbolts a bit better than the rest of her servants

(meaning that lilia was the only one that wouldn't be screaming bloody murder, he just would be hella mad and Meleanor thinks his audacity is funny)

Silver

lilias method of feeding him was waterboarding him with milk and that does not come without consequences

although lilia would go out often, its safe to say that silver was never really 'alone'

lilia would have a magical beacon on him at all times even if mal was babysitting, and he appreciates that the wildlife took a liking to silver

speaking of, silver had no concept of stranger danger no matter how much lilia told him so

every time malleus would come over silver would ask him to play murder mystery with his dolls

his first word was an attempt at malleus' name

they played together a lot it was really inevitable

helps worms and snails when it rains by helping them get under tree stumps or grass

played with axes & garden shears (thanks lilia)

2/2 contributor to lilia's hairstyle. and by that i mean he gave lilia a haircut with garden shears (that lilia fully encouraged so silver could 'build his repertoire of skills')

at this point lilias hair length was more of a liability since his sons loved to tug on it and one had a penchant for burning it

take your eyes off silver for one second and he's gone. he saw an ant, a bird, a cool statue, etc etc

loved all the fairytales lilia read him and always asked to be read the ones where true love reigned

him and malleus ran off together (more like mal whisked silver away) everywhere to play and explore

mal loved to show silver the most random things and he would always speak to him like a grown up

would often protest at the end of the day because he didn't want to part ways with him

their earlier conversations looked like mal was listening to silver say something profound even though all silver could do at the time was babble in toddler language with the occasional 'tar-tar' (no one knows what this is but malleus insists that silver is telling him he's hungry)

Sebek

beat the shit out of rocks with sticks

in the colder seasons, and and silver would find rocks or big ice pieces to smash on the ground

poor dude grew up confused as heck. lilia tells him lots of things, and he goes home and his parents tell him a different thing

complained about going to the dentist so much that now silver knows so much about the teeth structure of fae

his siblings love him so much, they're always doting on him and pinching his cheeks and that's why his smiles are so big and nice (real)

refused to eat anything on a fork. he hated the taste of metal

much preferred to use chopsticks. learned because he was a Big Boy now (he is one) and can help himself!!!!

unexplainable hatred for felt fabric. he used to melt all of his felt puppets in the water

him and silver dug a hole in lilia's backyard thinking they could make it to the shaftlands

they didn't make it to the shaftlands, but they dug too close to the river, so the hole filled up with water

and while silver panicked, sebek straight up burst into tears thinking the hole was going to drain the river

also burst into tears one halloween where lilia was dressed up and claimed he was the river spirit and didn't know anyone named sebek

ate a dog treat at some point but silver and malleus also joined him (not before malleus trolled sebek by saying he's going to turn into a dog now)

sebek was so distressed that he dragged malleus into it that he questioned his entire life because he loved playing with sticks. did he eat a dog treat earlier in his life???

when questioned, sebek told silver he didn't need to worry about the dog treat because he already drank milk like a puppy anyways (referencing the milk waterboarding, of course)

anyways, this incident ended in a stick-sword fight and malleus got a bonk on the head from lilia for his instigating

this is where sebek learned it btw. silver developed a thick skull because sebek is ALWAYS bonking him on the head for not knowing things he deems 'everyone should know'

taglist (let me know if you want to be added): @bigmoose1964

[webslingingslasher]

waitttt what does peter do if one of the frat dudes refer to trouble as his bitch, or if he heard anyone call her that? it happened to me before, but was such a let down because he actually just let his friends say it 😻 we’re no longer together btw

while peter's in the bathroom you butt into the group and voice your opinion, 'i think you guys should do the maze! everyone does haunted houses.'

one brother didn't like your opposing opinion, 'why do you think you have a say in anything we do? you're just parker's bitch.' you freeze on the spot, you didn't mean to offend anyone, or try to impose, you were just trying to voice an outsider opinion.

your brow furrows, 'okay, well, i was just thinking that-'

'no one cares what you think.' it's aggressive for no reason, you want to stand strong but feel yourself slinking to the back of the group. another member catches your mood, he jabs an elbow and gives a supportive smile.

'you know he didn't mean it like that, he's just on edge.' you give a barely there nod and drone out the brothers proposal, feeling sorry for yourself until peter returns and has his hand resting on your lower back.

when no one spoke up for you it felt like it was mutal agreement, you didn't feel welcome in the house that night. you slide closer to peter and mumble softly.

'i just got a call from ally, i gotta go.' you don't even give him time to respond, high tailing it from the frat house and back to where you can not feel like such a bother.

you weren't going to make a big deal of it, and you knew if you told peter, especially in the moment, he'd make it a big deal and your embarrassment would increase tenfold. it doesn't make you feel any less bad when peter looks disappointed and confused.

----

ten thirty in the morning you’re standing outside peter's front door humming. playing off last night as a fluke, you don’t feel so judged. you think the other brother was right, the comments weren’t coming from a place of resentment but because you just confirmed his anxieties about his party turning out to be a dud.

ethan greeted you at the door, you gave him a quick hug before squeezing by him. ‘good morning, friend.’ ethan wrapped his arm around yours as he tugged you further into the house, turning for the kitchen.

‘your boy is in the shower, want some breakfast?’ you nod and smack your lips watching him make you a plate from the earlier meal. tearing a piece of french toast with your teeth you peer up to watch the brother from last night pass by.

you give a small wave, testing to see if he was still bitter from last night, he wasn’t. but you became extremely upset looking at his face as he turned to wave back. the bar chair spins by how quick you drop, making it to him in three steps, you tug at his chin.

‘did peter fucking hit you?’

you already know the answer, he has a black eye to prove it.

‘i know i was out of line last night, i shouldn’t have-‘

‘no, no, no.’ your mind spins, this isn’t what you wanted. that's why you didn't say anything, you wonder who tattled. you shake your head in dissapointment, you pull in the brother for a tight hug.

'i am so, so sorry. i didn't tell him to do anything, i didn't even tell him anything!' he gives a nervous laugh, 'i shouldn't have-' you push him away and hold his arms, 'nothing you said warrented that, okay? i'm sorry, i'm really, really sorry.'

he shrugs it off, he does seem mostly unbothered, but it makes you shake in fury. peter doesn't understand that he just proved his claims right. peter punching a guy for calling you his bitch, made you feel like his bitch.

you stare at ethan and raise your arms, 'tarrent.' you roll your eyes, of course he'd be the one to gossip. without second thought you stomp up to peter's room, going straight into his bathroom and slapping the glass on the shower.

peter jumps in alert, you're giving him a dirty glare behind a slight fog. 'hey, trouble. did you have some french toast?' you stay silent as you tug the shower door open, you barzenly step in, peter does his best to block your clothes from the showerhead with his body.

'you are such a douchebag, peter. what you did? that was such a douchebag move.'

he knows what you're talking about, you make him feel shameful. he was, but only to a degree. he probably shouldn't have punched him, but he also shouldn't have called you a bitch and sent you running away.

'no one should speak about you like that.'

'you shouldn't put your hands on people like that.'

peter narrows his eyes, 'is this what we're doing?' you cross your arms, 'i want you to apologize.'

peter keeps his hold for a few seconds, then he deflates and looks to the side. 'i'm sorry. i shouldn't have punched him.' he warms up when you coo and rub his arm.

'aw, petey. yeah, that sounds perfect. let me know when you're coming downstairs so i can grab him.' the second you leave the shower he stops you, 'hey! what does that mean?'

you hold a hand to your chest, 'you didn't punch me, i don't want your apology for it.' peter turns the water off to wrap a towel around him, 'just- hold on.' you're followed back into his bedroom, you do your best to ignore water droplets over his chest.

'you want me to apologize to the guy that called you a bitch?'

'i want you to apologize to the guy you gave a black eye to.'

'for calling you a bitch.'

you slap your hands on your thighs, 'for calling me your bitch, peter! and when you go around punching guys that say that, you make them right!'

oh.

when you say it like that it's painted in a new light, all peter could think about the blatent disrespect, he didn't think about how it would affect you.

'i mean, the guy was petrified to see me. he kept saying sorry and wouldn't look at me, that doesn't make me feel like you protected my honor, it feels like you tarnished it.'

peter can't even look you in the eye, he feels horrible. you already felt like you weren't liked because of his frat brothers comment, and now you would feel like everyone would be scared to talk to you.

peter just made you feel more uncomfotable in his house than a passing comment could ever.

'i didn't think about it like that. i'm sorry, trouble.'

he sounds sorry, you accept the apology, but just this once.

'the next time you punch somone on my behalf, it'll be because i asked you, agree?'

peter nods quick, 'yeah, yes, agreed.' you look him over, he still has some shampoo suds in his hair. 'i'm going downstairs to finish my breakfast, and the next time i see you, you better be ready to give an apology.'

he's still annoyed at the thought, but he'd do anything for you. 'yes, ma'am.'

--------

ethan had just taken your plate away to wash it when peter came down the stairs, he was fully dressed this time and his hair was only slightly damp.

he raised his eyebrows at you before taking a deep breath, calling for the brother by his last name. peter stretches before shaking out his shoulders, he called out again, but for a house meeting.

you were weary at the least and curious at the most. staying in your seat you watch carefully, each member at the house stood around in a half circle.

'it's been brought to my attention that my actions last night were out of line and childish. i let myself, my brother and my frat down. it's a rule we try to solve things with words first, and i didn't do that.'

a few eyes flash towards you, you know they're all thinking about how you got him to apologize.

peter turns to look at his brother with a purple ring coating his left eye. 'i should've never hit you and i'm sorry.'

'ah, it's alright, man. i came after your girl, i'd do the same.' your eyebrows turn in with how quick things turned around. guys are so easy.

peter still feels like it's not right, so he speaks up.

'the apology may have been prompted by someone else,' everyone knows who, 'but this part wasn't.'

peter looks at his fellow member, 'i want you to punch me.' soft oo's pour from the groups mouths, you feel choked up. the brother looks nervous, 'are you sure?'

'yeah, it's only fair. i punched you, you punch- oh, son of a bitch!’ a righthook to his jaw, he didn't see it coming.

peter held his face and hissed, 'fuck me, that sucks.'

'yeah. tell me about it. my eye's still pulsing.' peter winces, 'yeah, still sorry about that.'

a red splotch painted peter's jawline, making sure to look at the small crowd when he spoke. 'if you guys have a problem with my girl hanging around, you let me know, not her. and i promise, no punching.'

when no one adds anything he looks to his friend, 'we good or you need another hit?' the brother raises a fist, before lowering it and cracking a smile. 'we're good bro.'

the members disperse, you slow clap for peter.

'very impressed, parker.' his nose scrunches, he hates when you call him by his last name. 'does that mean i'm out of the dog house?'

you reach out for him with a pucker, he gives a slow kiss, it's the first one you've given him since you've seen him.

'hm, i'm gonna need at least three more kisses before i think about it.'

peter has no quelms in finishing your request.

[xiao-come-home]

stone faced anon (💫 anon if it's free) here; as someone who has a hyperfixation in IT and coding I also think it would be very funny if Boothill had an s/o who wasn't necessarily a mechanic but like a software engineer or just a real big nerd about coding or something. He'll be experiencing a malfunction or a memory leak and go "oh yeah this happens sometimes don't worry about it" and then 10 minutes later he's sitting down plugged into a laptop listening to his s/o rant about how terrible his code is (crack hc: boothill's code was written in javascript) and how it's a wonder he hasn't bricked* yet

Would also be mad funny if Boothill ever got hacked and his s/o basically says "no you're not" and uses a previously made system restore point or something because of course they would both use and design every feature imaginable to keep Boothill in control of his own body, can you imagine the stress that losing control would cause him?? Even better if whoever designed him originally intentionally left a backdoor incase he ever went against their orders and when they try to use it his s/o just goes "oh yeah I quarantined and encrypted all the old files related to that backdoor and whatever else you were planning on a partition as bait and personally rewrote every file and function involved since your code is *an actual crime against technology*. by the way i'm going to go ahead and format that partition i mentioned, boothill- we won't be needing anything on it now that we can trace whoever made it. trust me, this won't be happening ever again."

*(bricking is a term mostly used to refer to hardware that's been rendered basically completely nonfunctional and beyond saving by using it wrong, mostly by messing with system files. Kinda like how windows can't even repair itself if you delete the system32 folder. Though i guess you could still install it with a usb stick if you formatted your pc- i digress you get what I mean. also since this almost happened to me recently: if you manage to fill up a hard drive to the brim, with literally 0 bytes of space left, that bricks it. reminder to check your storage thoroughly and often!)

Honestly wow I read it all and I'm a little bit speechless 🥹 thank you 💫 anon, it was great 🙏

Boothill would DEFINITELY appreciate a s/o who's a tech savvy in general! I think at some point, he'd be pretty shocked you're so knowledgeable and just sit there, listening to you rant.. and just letting you do your thing.

Don't get me wrong, he definitely knows a lot about his body, his system and the way he works, but once you start to get in the zone and explain stuff to him, berate his code even, he just sits next to you, plugged in to your laptop, leaning his cheek against his hand listening to you like he obviously understands everything you say.

His other hand begins to gently play with a stand of your hair, humming deeply when the soft clicking sounds of your keyboard reach his ears; he twirls your hair with his fingers and chuckles, "mmm, really now?" Boothill raises an eyebrow, "encryptin' this, encryptin' that... How about we do somethin' more fun instead?" And then you shut him down from your laptop (😭).

Jokes aside, he'd feel very secure with you especially when he first got his new body, just knowing you'll probably fix a lot of things that could possibly blow up his face in no time, maybe even improve his life even more.

[some-triangles]

I found a video essay which is about Neil Gaiman but is also a critique of fandom culture from the left. It's fun! My guy dresses up as Death from the Seventh Seal and talks about Roland Barthes in rhyming couplets. It's too long and overly pleased with itself but hey, leftists.

I took a break while watching it to go on a milk run to the bourgeois grocery store (might as well not abbreviate it under the circumstances) and saw this:

Given that the video was just talking about Gaiman being more a brand than an author I took this as a sign to share my two cents.

The cents are these: beyond considerations of fandom, parasocial attachment, Death of the Author and capitalism, which the video covers admirably*, can we posit that the art you find yourself the most attracted to as a teenager might not be stuff you should be buying as an adult?

*(they do quote an Alan Moore article from The Fucking Guardian in which he says he hates the growing trend of treating authors as "part of the costumed entertainment" without pointing out that the man wears a costume at all times, which is part of his branding, just like Gaiman. Also maybe given the company he keeps we should start asking more questions about Lost Girls. But I digress.)

Do you want to live in the moral universe of C.S. Lewis? J.D. Salinger? J.K. Rowling? J.R.R. Tolkien? (Maybe going by one's initials is the problem here, actually.) A grown person who thinks for a living shouldn't be going around saying that Neil Gaiman is one of their heroes. Even if you like his books, you've got to admit that the dude's mostly style and reference, that his actual insights don't go beyond those of a bright teenager. It's commodified rebellion for rebellion fans, sitting on the shelf next to Rowling's commodified conformity for conformity fans. We can still have fun with pop but we have to understand that the people who make it are in the sales business. (Yes, even Kendrick.)

The reason this stuff is constantly sold back to you is that it's really easy to sell things to children. The less like a child you become, the harder it is to market to you, so it's in the interests of money to draw you back to your childhood in a million different ways. So: grow up and get some esoteric, contradictory tastes, just to fuck with them. Cut out the hero worship - don't respect people for their "talent" any more than you would respect them for being rich. This will make you less likely to be starstruck enough to follow around a third-rate tumblr daddy dom who thinks he's a wizard.

(no, not me)

Finally, because I'm also a leftist, here's the overlong and self-satisfied part. I read a lot of Gaiman in high school but I also read a lot of one of Gaiman's heroes, Harlan Ellison. He was my favorite! I liked him because he was stylish, aggressive, arrogant and brutal. Teenagers like power and he had it. The fact that none of his stories had real people in them and that he seemed to have a problem with women in particular was nothing to me in the face of his Muscular Prose. Then I went to college and met some people who were smarter than me.

I ended up dumping Ellison for what was in his work, long before I knew much about all the other stuff. Same thing with Gaiman. So if you're worried about being let down by one of your heroes, I suggest looking at all of them carefully. Particularly at their feet. (Not for horny reasons.) And then maybe stop looking at them at all and go do something else.

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Hero, Villain God 40

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*Grian's pov*

Pearl is the one to open the door and let you in, as you walk inside her apartment you see Martyn and Cleo are already on the couch while Scott seems to be preparing some ..food? You can't really tell what it is but you have to assume It's some kind of snack.

"Finally, we were waiting for you guys for a while now... Pick a spot on the couch while I go set up the first movie"

"That sounds good... ...so, what movie's first?"

Scott perks up at that, you can guess It's probably one of his, either that or he's just really excitedby the idea of watching movies in general.

It was the former, it is one of his, you feel very smug for something that is completely unimportant.

Mean girls is a pretty strong start for this whole marathon thing, you didn't expect a story about mortal highschoolers to be even remotely close to being entertaining but you aren't going to lie... it was actually pretty good.

Scar had never seen it either so you weren't even the odd one out... Also the main "mean girl" character got run over by a bus at one point which actually made you laugh. More chaos! Yeah! Exactly what you want!

... Unfortunately also run out of snacks because Martyn finished them so now you have to wait to get more before the next movie.

The second movie is the one Martyn chose and that Scott seems to be insulted by, the lego batman one... The main problem you don't know what either lego or Batman are so...

"What is Lego?"

Scar whips around so fast you are surprised he didn't snap his neck in the process...

"You don't know what lego is???"

"Nope"

"Pearl told us it was bad but I didn't think it was this bad..." Scott chimes in from the kitchen.

Pearl for once decides to be helpful and explain. "It's a type of toy, plastic blocks that can be connected to build structures and scenes...this movie is going to mostly use a similiar style."

"I see! ... What's a batman?"

So, apparently Batman is a vigilante/hero from some comics that is "super famous" and "known even by non comic fans"... Watching a movie about super heroes. And super villains is pretty ironic considering your situation as both...

As for the movie, definitely fits your brand, It's 1) fun and 2) you don't understand what's going on for half of it. Perfect chaos...though that's mostly because you don't get the references. Still you have... fun, like... genuine entertainment even. There's also at one point a part where the clown guy summons other villains and the room just devolves into you asking who someone is, one of the others being appalled, an explanation and repeat...

After a small break It's time for Cleo's pick, she prefaces to you that's the film is in stop motion and this time you don't have to ask because you already know what that means! From one of the documentaries you watched with Mumbo! You didn't think you would ever gain something from them... something to keep in mind...maybe... probably not.

The movie is definitely different from the other two. On one hand nobody is hit by a bus, on the other you got a song about kidnapping Santa so...

The movie follows what you can only assume to be an halloween deity considering the whole holiday lands thing is strangely similiar to the divine planes you and Pearl and the other gods share. You also know that It's probably not the way the others are interpreting it, or even how It's supposed to be interpreted for that matter...still, it ends up being the movie with the protagonist that's the most relatable to you. Yes, the one about the talking skeleton copying christmas...wonder what that says about you.

This time Pearl doesn't go to set up the next movie.

"Ok, time for a break. We already watched three movies in a row and I'm sure some of you need to go to the bathroom"

That's fair, you don't but the mortals might... As the room devolves into chatter you slowly tune in mentally into what's happening with you...other you... Mother Spore.