#most of what else i couldve said i probably said in the tags of when i posted these individually

[wawamouse]

( @heffer-wen I was going to write a reply but got lazy about breaking up this word vomit into parts, so… new post!)

(Also… yeah, ace is probably what I was thinking last night (lmao… “business minded” 🤣) I think I do see him as some shade of asexual when it comes down to it)

More thoughts on Torquemada (aka Here’s How We Could Have Had It All)

I feel like I recall seeing some interview at one point where Fontana admitted that he didn’t have much of Oz thought out beyond s1 and a bit of s2, and for sure the later seasons get wacky but there’s still Something there with most of the little bits that end up in the show, imo. It’s mostly the execution that leaves something to be desired, like Fontana and the other writers (I'm not sure to what degree who writes what) didn't really have time to think out the story beats of the seasons or else didn't have time to come up with something better/do some editing. I said a while back (idr where/what post tho), but I think if Alonzo had been brought in earlier, a lot of the same s6 plotlines could have still been achieved while giving us more time to know him and make his appearance worthwhile. Like, first couple episodes after he’s introduced could’ve just been those in-betweener scenes where we see him settling into Oz and putting out feelers:

Interacting with the other Gays (more screen time for them at last??) and getting the lowdown on Oz; I have my other headcanon (based on the crowd scenes) that the Gays sometimes help the Latinos move tits, so maybe…

This would bring him toe to toe with Morales or at least have a chance to with him briefly while the former is on his way out; maybe Torquemada wants to bring his own expertise to the game and tries to talk business to Morales, who’s got other things on his mind and blows Alonzo off, or else puts Alonzo to task with finding out what’s going on with Redding, etc. I think Alonzo could handle himself here, as Redding is no threat at this point, but maybe the real question is whether or not he wants to try to conform and fit in under Morales’ control, which I think the answer would be no, meaning...

Seeing Alonzo ultimately decide to forge his own path to the top and take his sweet deal with Destiny to the Italians

Miguel’s + the other Latinos’ storylines could’ve been largely unchanged meanwhile. Obviously some shit from s6 would have to be sacrificed to accommodate expanding Torquemada's storyline but lbr, s6 had a lot of going-nowhere plotlines as well as storylines that couldve afforded to be much shorter, so there’s honestly plenty of fat to choose from when it comes to what to cut. And introducing Alonzo like this would’ve helped bring the Italians more into play in s6 (could've simultaneously explored a little bit of the post-Schibetta world of the Italians, or at least shown more fall out), as well as the gays. Canonically Alonzo comes in episode 7, and what I’m thinking is basically to bring him in on episode 3 or 4 (right after Said dies) (get rid of the ridiculous Idzik shit). With the 1 hour episodes, that would be plenty of time to start showing his rise to power. He could occasionally cross paths with other characters and get on their radar while creating small moments to plant the payoff of the canon e7 & e8.

I just feel like the pieces would fall into place in a much more satisfying way if we saw earlier on how Torquemada was quietly moving things in his own direction and being either underestimated or ignored due to characters being wrapped up in their own stories. He’d have been there the ~whole times~ and the show could’ve ended with his move to the top feeling more earned, with a little bit more of his potential as a kingpin explored and hinted at with the season finale. Again, it would also have been a good opportunity to explore the Gays in Oz and see how they fit in. Like I mentioned in my tags of the other post, I do think Torquemada would throw some of them under the bus/not care what happens to them once he gets his lmao.

(A s7/new post-canon tale of a subsequent downfall for Alonzo might concern itself mostly with hubris; burnt bridges and capricious impulses might leave no one in his corner if he did lose his footing and start to stumble… I think also him being queer and not just a ~fucker of men~ like Adebisi would motivate his enemies to unite to take him down more so than if he were anybody else.)

[poguestvff]

CALL ME BACK P. 2 — JJ MAYBANK

in which, JJ and Y/n finally reconcile whilst sat on the bathroom floor

taglist | masterlist | 1.8k words

warning(s): very small descriptions of wounds, angst if you squint, fluff, for the most part, and nothing else i dont think. she/her pronouns part one !!!

The ringing of the phone beside her hadn't made y/n budge instantly. She wasn't expecting a call, her parents knew where she was and who she was with, her friends knew where she was and who she was with. she didn't exactly think there was a reason for a phone call so she let it ring. When a soft ding followed it, the boy beside her let out a sigh.

She raised from the bed, sitting up as she stretched her arms above her head. Y/n picked up her phone from the small table as she noticed the photo she had tried posting finally went through, the tagging of Topper's account making his phone go off as well. She swiped down to the notification center, finding a voicemail from JJ. Her heart seemed to sink within her chest momentarily. She hadn't seen that name in a couple of days, hadn't come in contact with him in a couple of weeks.

It wasn't something she wanted, it was something she needed. Something they needed; Space from one another. She should've seen it coming, hurdling at her at a rapid pace since the time they'd began dating, but she ignored just about every sign until it was right in front of her. She never blamed him, she never would blame him. Y/n understood he had a troubled time showing affection, he was her best friend after all, she knew him in and out, there was no reason to not hold a candle to his name.

Seeing his name made a mountain of things run through her head. Questions upon questions on whether she should listen but a gut feeling made her decision final as she lifted the device to her ear. "Uh, hey. Hey, Y/n/n." She could hear the shakiness, the sound of hesitance that wavered within his voice. "I don't know why I called... Yes, I do. I just really need someone right now and—and everyone's gone. I didn't know who to call except you. Just... just if you get a minute call me back." Then the line went silent.

She looked over to Topper, the boy sleeping sound beside her on his stomach previously though now he lay, staring right back at her. "Was that maybank?" He asked in a groggy tone, a yawn following as he rubbed at his eyes. She hummed, pushing her legs over the side of the bed. "Why did he call?"

"I uh... he didn't say." she said in a low, confused tone, holding the phone in her lap. She couldve called him back, she probably should've. But she didn't know how she'd react if she heard his voice and have to listened to his pained tone again. She typed out several different messages, all in preparation to send but she couldn't decide on which one immediately.

"It's too early, just go back to sleep." Topper said, pulling lightly at the back of her shirt. She looked over her shoulder to him, seeing a tired smile on his face that she didn't reciprocate. "What?"

"I really have to go, Top." She told him as he let out a sigh, turning over on to his back to stare at the ceiling. "He needs me—"

"Just like how Pope needed you to come to dinner the other day or like how Kiara needed your help to chose an outfit."

She clicked her teeth, shaking her head as she stood, setting the phone on the bed. "Don't be an ass." She muttered, grabbing her hoodie from the floor as she threw it over her head. "This is different."

"Tell me how it's different."

"It's JJ! That's how it's different." She exclaimed, hands tossing up before settling at her hips. "If he needs someone and I'm the person he calls, it's not for a dinner date and it's not fashion advice. it's because he genuinely needs someone."

She wasn't quite sure why Topper was so upset over this. they weren't dating, they were just close friends. Friends who spent the night together, watching comedy movies until they cried of laughter. Nothing more, she didn't doubt that for a second. Especially when she knew even when she did these things with JJ, there was always the happy, bubbly feeling within her that didn't feel the same with Topper.

And so the boy rolled his head over to her, fingers thumping against his chest. She couldn't tell what was going on in his head. He hadn't looked angry and there wasn't a frown on his face. It almost looked like he was expecting this, expecting her to defend JJ, tooth and nail. "Then go, y/n."

He looked like he had more to say, like he was biting his tongue, but if he had, he kept those thoughts to himself. "I will." She said, grabbing her phone and her keys, placing them in her back pocket to leave the thornton house.

She sat in the drivers side, pulling her phone from her pocket as the second she'd opened it, JJ's contact was still there. She still hadn't decided on what to send and so she finalized her messaging that she was on the way, sending that she was on her way and a heart. Which, ironically, was the same heart, once again, that they had sent weeks ago before for the last time in their last and final text conversation.

Driving the direct route that she'd known to the chateau had made her stomach feel unnerved. She’d recognized every turn, every stop sign, and the dirt road leading up to the plot. Finding that the front door was not properly closed, clearly slammed as she remembered that the screen was missing a screw causing it to need to be closed slow. The creaky door made someone in the house move as Y/n entered. "JJ?" She asked, making her way further into the home. "Jay, it's just me."

Another noise came from the bathroom as she moved around the corner, seeing JJ sat on the floor. The back of his head was against the wall and his eyes were closed though soft tear streaks shined across his cheeks from the way the light hit them. He opened his eyes finally, only side eyeing Y/n as she stood at the doorway. "i'm sorry."

"Don’t even think about apologizing." She said, pushing his feet back lightly to open the bottom cabinet, finding the medicinal items she needed. She sat in front of him, her knees digging into the hard wood floor below them. She could feel his eyes on her every move while she poured the alcohol onto a small hand towel. "This is gonna sting."

"I know." He replied, a sad smile coming on her face as she began to clean up the small cuts on his cheeks and the split lip. Her opposite hand held his chin lightly, dragging the towel lightly over his skin. She avoided all eye contact, he knew that for a fact as his eyes darted around her face.

She sat back on her ankles as she pointed at his shirt. He nodded, arms raising though wincing in the process as she rushed to his aid, helping him pull the dirty tee from over his head. The bruises that had become more prominent in the time of him waiting on the floor had caused for a heavy feeling to settle in her chest but she didn't say a thing, continuing to work in silence to help ease his pain just enough, leaving at one point to grab a cold beer from the fridge to place against his abdomen since there wasn't a single thing in the freezer other than the quarter filled ice tray.

"So...you and Topper." He said as she tilted his head to the side to clean the blood from the side of his jaw. She gave him a rather chagrined glare. "Sorry, just looking out."

"You don't have to look out anymore." She mumbled as he frowned. "And no... Topper and i— never." she cut herself off.

He went silent for a second, feeling the way her short nails scratched at the side of his cheek lightly. "You’re wrong." he said, suddenly, in Y/n's opinion as she gave him a confused look. "i always have to look out for you. like... like how you're doing right now."

"That’s different." She said for the second time that day.

"You wanna tell me how?"

She sighed, placing her hands in her lap as she sat back. "It just is, JJ. I’m sitting here cleaning your stupid... wounds like old times. This is nothing new."

"And because you and topper's friendship is new, it's different?" he asked. She placed her hands over her face, letting out a low groan against them. "It it's different because we're exes? Because you and Topper dating shouldn't be any of my concern now? News flash, you and Topper even remotely being friends was one of my concerns when we were friends."

She moved her hands from her face, staring at him. "No. what? No, what are you talking about? I didn't even come here to argue about topper, I don't get why it's even a topic right now." she said, her voice faltering near the end before she began leaning forward again to place a bandaid over his cheek.

"Because you know..." he trailed as she didn't even bother stopping. "You’re not... his."

"So what? I’m yours, is that what you're insinuating?" she asked, collecting the trash into her hand.

He didn't answer immediately, fiddling with his fingers in his lap instead. "Yeah." He mumbled. it was clear to him that she had not expected that answer. She stopped, pulling back again, so they could look directly at one another. "I didnt just call you because I could, I called you cause I needed you. I couldve called anyone but I called you because you know me best and i know you best. I know you well enough that you'd drop whatever you were doing for me. That's selfish, yes, but I needed you. Not want, need. A want would be that i want you back."

He was right because that's exactly what she did. And she knew him well enough to see the way he suck his shoulders just slightly in fear of what she'd say next. What she did next. Y/n's hands moved to rest on both of his cheeks, leaning forward to press a light kiss to his forehead before hugging him to her chest. "It didn't work out the first time." She told him in a lower tone.

"That was a trial run, i know what not to do." It was a joke, she knew. He had terrible timing. She heard the emphasis on the ‘I’, implying that he was the only one who made mistakes with the relationship. She let out a very minimal laugh at this, shaking her head at his antics.

She pulled back, running her thumb over the bandaid on his cheek. "We know what not to do." She correct him, placing a gentle kiss to his lips that he returned.

And within that moment, They both knew they were neither a want or need for one another. They were both.

[thatsgonnaleaveamark]

thank you for the tag @the-wandering-whumper ! i was reading through your post and was like “oh this sounds fun“ and then was so excited to see i was tagged :D

1. why did you choose your url?

Well one of the bad guys’ catchphrases in Spiderman PS4 when they fight Spidey is “that’s gonna leave a mark“ and I thought it was very fitting. I know it’s a common phrase outside of that too but I really like it that way.

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

this is a sideblog, unfortunately tbh. I wish I could send asks/reply from this blog. My main blog is @sephs-ghost where i mostly reblog art and aesthetic stuff and I also got @mortal-ghost for my music stuff that I pretty much never post on and @ghostesques for my photography that I haven’t posted on in probably years. I’m way more active on Instagram for that stuff. can you tell i like ghosts?

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

oh damn i just checked on tumblr stats and my first blog was created in november 2012. i was 13 what was i doing on here. this blog was made in december 2018 i think.

4. do you have a queue tag?

yup. its “q“. very creative

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i’d been a lurker in the whump community for about a year after discovering the whole thing (still so grateful to @whumpgalore whose blog was my first introduction <3) and thought it was finally time to get in on the action :D

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Hm I just wanted something kinda aesthetic and whumpy? also non-character or fandom specific since I constantly switch favorites

7. why did you choose your header?

Same reason. I wanted it to kinda fit with the icon but also be non specific so it’s a nondescript pic of a basement wall or smth

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

Looks like its my “which whumpy trope are you“ uquiz. something i made very quickly out of boredom but it was fun. it got outside of this whump bubble and there were some very confused people lol

9. how many mutuals do you have?

Oh no idea. i don’t think there’s a way to check, especially with a sideblog.

10. how many followers do you have?

1088

11. how many people do you follow?

288 (aa i need to follow more whump blogs)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

for sure. and im a big fan of making whump memes

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

check it first time in the morning like the newspaper while eating breakfast. then all the time throughout the day

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

not really. I got my first ever hate-anon on this blog some time ago when i still posted some writing. i still wonder who that was cause id only had this blog for a couple of months then and never engaged in discourse or anything and i have no idea what couldve warranted that. unfortunately i do think its part of why i havent written in so long.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

this is my blog and i reblog what i want. i don’t engage in any of that guilt tripping. this is a tumblr blog, i don’t need to prove that i care about something by reblogging it, no point in that

16. do you like tag games?

I love them! as i said i was so excited to be tagged in this and i always am excited when i’m tagged in anything

17. do you like ask games?

yes! and i always send something to the blog i reblogged an ask game post from cause i know how nice it is to receive something 😊

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

uhh don’t know? gotta be one or two?

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

don’t think i know anyone well enough for that haha

20. tags?

@deepwoundsandfadedscars @set-phasers-to-whump @appy-polly-loggies @99point9percentwhump @pythagoreanwhump @adrenaline-whump @whumpadoodle @whumpgalore if you want, and anyone else who does!

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[sanqyeonn]

okay i was tagged for the deobi voice tag by @hwqll​ @tbzd​ and @baes-jacob​! 🖤

just a fair warning this is like 8 minutes long and i’m so sorry 💀💀💀 transcription+questions below the cut~

1. name + username

okay helloO my name is Tawa, my username is “sanqyeonn”, ‘cuz “sangyeon” was taken *haha* anyway--

2. who is your bias and why?

my Bias--believe it or not--is sangyeon *haha* he’s always been my bias but, like,,, when i was first getting into the boyz,,, sunwoo and changmin were also my biases i guess? like i really couldn’t choose between them and sangyeon so i was like “okay i guess i have three biases.” But i guess eventually i just....committed to my love for sangyeon i don’t know *haha*  umM the reason that he caught my attention INITIALLY was cuz he’s a november baby like me and also ,, born in ‘96 so i was like #gang gang 🤙 , we’re twins *ehEAHA* *sniff* but also ‘cuz like his vocals are--ahOHh my Godd, i literally,, fell in love with his vocals the moment i heard them like, i think Umm... it was in I’m Your Boy, when he does, like, his adlibs i was like “WHO is this i need to know who this is” so YEAH i was like “that’s my man, whoever this is” and i found out it was sangyeon so i was like “OKAY! there it is, that’s my bias”  *haha* 

3. biaswrecker(s)

uUumM my bias wreckers.. my main ones are haknyeon and juyeon but then there’s also sunwoo and changmin *the longest pause ever?* and pretty much everybody to be honest, like, i’m pretty sure everybody hasZ bias wrecked me at some point or another. like, it just depends on the day honestly like, i’m pretty sure one day hyunjae was my bias wrecker and then, like, for like 2 hours hwall was my bias wrecker i dunno *ahaha* but yeah just. Everybody.

4. favorite pairing?

Um. favorite pairing..i really like sanghak just b--OHh my God i cant talk--SANG.HAK. just for the fact that i mean, they’re like my two main biases kinda sorta? like seeing them together i’m like OHMYGAD but then also juyeon and eric is like..oh my God 😭💙 i love them sO much like they’re cute and like just thinking about--i don’t remember exactly what it was but i think juyeon was explaining a word.. along the lines of, like, friendship oR something to eric and he was like “it’s what WE are” [i was trying to refer to this post but i couldnt remember exactly what it said lol] and i was like hOH MY GOD --anyway that was a really bad like *aHEH* explanation-- ANYWAY moving ON

5. how did you become a fan and when?

“how did you become a fan and when?” UuMmm i really can’t,, exactly,,, pinpoint it --well i mean if i really wanted to i could probably pinpoint it because i mean i’m always posting stuff on tumblr so, like, i probably made like some ran-random post saying “oh my God i love the boyz now” but uMM .. it was around the time right here came out,, But it wasn’t because of right here? it was like. i was watching videos with one of my friends and we ended up watching giddy up so like after that, like giddy up was just always like stuck in our heads so like we would always like be listening to it and eventually we were like ok let’s get into the boyz and then--oHH my GOd *hah* and now i’m Stuck! *haha* but yeah it was essentially giddy up and then falling into the trap that is YouTube’s related videos and then eventually me checking out more of their music and then falling in love with their music and then...yeah..*aheh* ...

6. favorite song and mv? (can be different)

“favorite song aNd music videoo” uM so my favorite title song is right here if that’s not obvious bc i feel like i post about it all the time it’s really--it’s the Best..and  *aheh* i cannot get over the fact that it was really ranked one of the lowest ones [i was referencing ave’s survey graphic here] okay lemme move on anyway um ..favorite side track? i’m gonna say butterfly just cuz like,, it’s really a masterpiece. but i also love 4ever,, and okay yeah i’ll stop cuz if i try to list any more i’m just gonna list every single thingOKAY Umm favorite music video,,hhhUMMm *thinks* wow this is hard um *haha* um.. um i think it might be walkin in time like that’s a really .. everytime i watch that video like it just like,, gets to my heart like idunno that’s why i don’t want it that often to be honest because everytime i watch it i feel like im’ gonna cryhaha but like it’s just--i really like it and i guess, um,, second runner up would beEeEee no air just cuz like the song is good And the music video is Great... moving on *haha*

7. favorite vocal/rapper/dancer?

um.. favorite vocal--surprise surprise--sangyeon. i was gonna try to pick somebody else but like when it really comes down to it i just ,, i don’t really think i can choose like... i feel like i’ve said it before  but i really think his voice is really dynamic and like awesome and every time i hear it i’m like.. AAAHhh *haha* BUT honorable mentions um chanhee and juyeon. and hyunjae. and let me stop before i just name everybody else ahah favorite rapper i feel like this is just a generic answer but sunwoo? like i really like his rapping style annnd,,,usually i don’t really like. care for rappers? idunno that sounds kinda mean but like *ahha* idunno i think he’s really genuinely one of my favorite kpop rappers but yeah..i’m not gonna elaborate *ahah* umM favorite dancer...oh my God, i had an answer and i really just lost it. can i say everybody? no. *aheh*  favorite dancer is changmin. which i also feel like is a generic answer but after watching no air for, like, forever, and also right here stages ... [my little brother came into my room so i stopped shfjljk] ... how could you not fall in love with his dancing like honestly. um, Okay.

8. who do you think is the visual™?

“who do you think is the visual” *ahah* WOW i wonder, who could i i possibly think is the visual of kpop boy group the boyz UM  *haha*.. it’s definitely not sangyeon *breaks down laughing* okay that’s not even funny i dont know why i’m laughing so hard okay um okay.. i’m actually gonna say.. i don’t wanna say it’s sangyeon . like as THE visual .. i think THE visual. is sunwoo.. just because i feel like he’s ,, the most photogenic annnd yeah. i really think he’s the most photogenic and i think to be a visual you have to be really photogenic ‘cuz like obviously, there are visuals but sometimes you see pictures and i’m like,, it obviously doesn’t capture like. their visuals--i don’t know if i’m making sense rigt now but YEAH i feel like that’s the case with sangyeon like he’s really attractive but i don’t think pictures are able to even like, capture it like, at ALL like i’m really scared for the day that i’m gonna see them cuz i know im gonna like FAINT cuz *aha* it’s gonna be so bad okay anyway-- *aha* uhm 

9. have you seen them in person? If yes share your experience!

have i seen them in person? no i haven’t. ‘cuz if i did. i wouldn’t be here. cuz i would be dead. bcuz. sangyeon would kill me *aha* okay um. but yeah.i couldve seen them at kcon but i had to go out of the country so i couldn’t even like, be there i was really sad,, but i mean like i’m over it--not really--but i mean i’m over it. especially since they might be coming to america for like whatever sOOooO yeahhhopefully within the next year i’ll be seeing my boyz uM this is really going on for too long i’m so sorry ummM BYE

10. tag your friends!

i’ll tag @changminniebb​ @liinos @juyjae @waynct @5unwoo @081098 @sweetbbang @deobistay and whoever wants to do it~!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@uberoll-oystercrackers late night (early morning?) posting here but this is super nice ty and also again retroactively thank you additionally for all the long replies & kind tags you give

like really yeah it’s like, on the one hand, it’s fairly sucky having to have this thing where im always jumping the gun on considering someone Maybe An Friend and then having to remind myself / be reminded of the fact that like no probably not, which is true and yet sucks, which is just how some stuff is!! like sometimes stuff just is Not Good and is not ever going to Not Hurt, despite the fact you can kinda get better at living with it. and like this one isnt a huge deal even tho the larger problem of when ur like, lonely &/or isolated is kind of a whole real deal……

like it’s strange having these contradictory problems with it…..like, Being Myself has never really just been something i can Naturally do, so even just trying to be nice is like oh lord am i being ~manipulative~, and im always too prone to treat interactions like ive got to placate the other person, and then also just like….not having amazing social skills anyways in the sense that i know a lot of times i come across ~off~ to people and can’t really do a lot about that, but also, i feel like i’m always overcompensating for like, enthusiasm and just the fact i like to Get Silly and maybe i’ll act too cool~n~collected or come off like im trying to be all Smart and Smarmy and like jeez no……it doesnt help that when i was younger i generally preferred interacting with adults and so probably was trying to come across as clever and when i was wanting someone to like me i’d be real nervous and try to go too hard in seeming the opposite lol……oh the legacy of the time i found out my mom’s childhood friend who was funny and cool to us thought i was bookish (true) but like also snobby or something lmao like ah jeez i probably made too many sarcastic jokes about things….but oh well i was just like 10-ish at the time.

anyways tho i feel like that still kicks in and when i get the sense someone is cool and it’d be cool if they thought i was cool too i’m like Well So Then i gotta PLAY it cool!! and then like oh no am i coming across as a jerk? or an trying-to-be-an-intellectual?? i always have a lot of thoughts and i do go off when its like, also tied in to Opinions of mine, so im like, oh no am i coming across as trying to tell someone i think they should think exactly this?? or if i try to Be Witty and Tell Jokes are they just coming off as snarky b/c i hope not especially since a lot of times my actual Lighthearted Snark gets read as “i hate this and think its dumb af” lol. ahhhh i just do not know!! like, i wanna sort of dial back my Warmth b/c i can get enthused fast and i have a tendency to get too attached to ppl too fast, which really only sucks for me, but still!! yet i dont wanna rein it in too much and try to overcompensate and come off like im Eternally Unimpressed and don’t really care and etc etc and just…..idk its wild it’s hard to tell how i may be socializing awkwardly lmao ahhh….and on top of it all, i manage to be godawful at realizing when other ppl actually like me. like, that sort of sounds like The Opposite but i guess its just more of that problem of thinking that im going to always bother people….a lot of times it takes me like, months or a year (or two or three) to realize that someone who willingly interacts w me during that time probably does genuinely like me and is maybe a friend. wrow

uhhhh anyways lord that was all just. tangentially related. im Tangents

UH more to the point!!!! the good news is that yeah i don’t have to think “oh we’re totally real bffs” about anyone to really enjoy and appreciate Our Interactions…..and like i do have real appreciation and gratitude for basically all nice attention lol like, if a single reblog of smthing has kind comments, if someone cool just Likes a few posts, talking on occasion or like, ever at all. cuz for real The Little Stuff has always been a really good thing for years now, especially since there’s been plenty of times i havent really had anything happening In Person that was like….good interactions or ppl who were able to hear my actual thoughts and feelings about whatever and still be interested in interacting with me. cuz in terms of not being isolated and in what i find it easy to talk about and how, Online Interactions have been genuinely important and impactful in a positive way for like a solid decade now since i was able to be consistently Online and have my own accounts and stuff in the first place

so like yeah totally i really do appreciate stuff like that. i think its pretty incredible whenever anybody just like, thinks of me, and likes me. having None Of That Feeling is supremely trash and i so appreciate that i don’t have to feel like there’s nothing and that nobody out there in the world is aware of me, and yet i don’t need it to be that like, anyone is Constantly aware of me and like, intensely invested, cuz that’s just not how it goes lol and even kinda meaning a little bit to someone and having my tiny presence in their life be a positive one is a great thought and i really do appreciate it. Unfortunately for like….my entire life, The Contempt Of Others has been a consistent #thing i’m dealing with and it’s not great!! like yeah fortunately ive had the “felt so bad about myself that it eventually circled back around and now self loathing isnt too much of an issue for me” thing, but it still sucks experiencing it lol…..having any testimonials that like, whatever shit im talking about @ myself is fun to read, or i seem okay, or its fun to talk, etc etc, like thats fantastic really

and the kinds of leaf thoughts too, yeah, that kind of thing is nice to know too lol. i was hoping you were ok like, ten hours before i saw you posting again lol…..we’re out here……..

like yeah ldmbgglh whatever my weird problems are with being overexcited abt any Potential Friendship, and also being bad at realizing if people do like me, and also just being Weird and not great at talking, and overcompensating for whatever and maybe coming across too Coldly when rly im a fiery dumbass, wanting friends but also wanting not to be burned by getting ahead of things and being reminded that most ppl aren’t like, as starved for even just friendly interactions……..i’m better at navigating and handling it in some ways but c’est a m’ess!!! aaaggbfg

really what im trying to say is i do appreciate that sort of thing a lot yeah. i could very well Not be thought of by anybody and that would suck and the fact that i get to know that i am is a really great thing. maybe i couldve said this all better last night cuz i was kinda in my feelings abt Life a little but then also it was in a sort of déspresso way so, maybe this is okay lol….

also i worry i don’t express affection and appreciation enough!!! it’s not that i’m like Oh i don’t want to Commit to Being Friends ew…..it’s that i don’t wanna be the one pressuring someone else into being like uh oh i have to play up being invested in milo!! but then maybe my playing-it-cool just makes other ppl do the same thing or think i don’t care or something. like oh i appreciate this person a ton and think they’re great and they’ve been kind to me but if we only talk so often and obviously im not There for them and involved in their life in the way a ~real friend~ would be, maybe it would just ring hollow to say i love them, for example. lord lol……. it’s all “oh don’t dial down your kindness and affection” and yet also “but don’t wanna inadvertently push other people or Be Weird or get myself invested in something where i don’t mean as much to the other person not cuz they suck but because like, of course im just a fun internet acquaintance, which is fine!!” ahhhhhh the challenges. anyways!!!!!!!

the point is well i do like ppl yeah and i really appreciate ppl liking me. every now and then they do it online or even in person and thats just a Joy and i wish things were more secure!!! i also have to not even necessarily want ppl to get invested in me in case things go to shit too soon or whatever and it doesnt help that ~being open~ means talking abt depressingass stuff sometimes that like, i don’t mind being open about, but i also don’t want to put on other ppl. which, sidenote on that, im feeling relatively alright all these recent months even if im not technically thriving; it’s okay. it’s a hot mess! but that’s just How It Is sometimes!! it’s what it is. and ive had support from ppl in big and small ways that i know i could have had to go without and all the ways ppl are nice to me count for a whole lot and i have appreciated it, and do appreciate it, and will continue to appreciate it.

tldr 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[comicteaparty]

March 14th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on March 14th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PDT.  The chat focused on Sketch Dump by Aleks Stock.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Sketch Dump by Aleks Stock~! (https://sketchdump.org/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

one scene i particularly enjoyed was the scene where its revealed clear as day, no holds bar that Iladyl is a slave. https://sketchdump.org/post/179755402309/sketch-dump-c02p06-i-wanna-hug-iladyl-qaq the way its revealed is so straight forward but so simple really works i think. cause its just treated as a fact of life and that is indeed how it would be for the world.

i also loved the animated shattered screen effect because its both grounded in familiarity yet the way its illustrated kind of gives it that scifi fantasy tech feel that lets you know that nope, definitely not from earth

i also find the scene where Brogod meets Jen to be kind of fascinating. mostly cause i think Brogod is an interesting character since his first inclination is to make contact and help. meanwhile in the "real" world, cause i get the impression of simulation, his brain seems to be kind of exploding. but mostly i like it for the interactions cause its not the first reaction you really expect when meeting some crazy alien entity in a weirdo simulation world of sorts.

khkddn

im not done reading through the archive but i really like the scene in the beginning where the lights are flickering, it looks so cool

RebelVampire

yes i think the lighting effects are pretty cool. especially cause of how its animated because the animation kind of feels like the world is glitching. which fits with the whole world we see jenna in later

ezzy

i also like the beginning scene with the séance. just nice to see the characters fucking around. it really gives you the sense that they've known each other for a while

khkddn

it's a great artstyle overall, love it

ezzy

same!

khkddn

yeah i liked seeing the characters interacting too during the seance, some good moments there(edited)

ezzy

i love any sort of multimedia webcomic but the use of animations is rly good

it makes the world a little more vibrant

RebelVampire

yeah i agree it is really great to see the characters kind of just being them. no life threatening quest. no world to save. just a silly seance thing as an excuse to get together, hang out, maybe get some food later. i think it was a good way to introduce them since it gave more breather time to get to know them.

ezzy

i like the little hints that there's more to the characters, like that dudes scar

RebelVampire

yes or some of the subtle looks passed between certain individuals. it was interesting to see a little back history at play that we dont get to know about yet

ezzy

it really makes you want to read more

khkddn

all caught up now! definitely agree w @RebelVampire about the scene revealing Iladyl is a slave. a few pages prior to that i think lyral says something to the effect of "i stole you" which i didn't understand at first but once it got to that page i was like ohhhh

RebelVampire

haha i kind of suspected from that line but it was one of those lines that makes you go "hmm maybe not"

and then the story said nope, it was the worst thing you could expect

khkddn

harsh, harsh reality

RebelVampire

although im really curious about what gave it away. like i assume the horns or something, but im not sure what about them announced "slave over here everybody"

khkddn

i think it was the horns, since there is a panel focusing on them when those people say to leave the slave alone

maybe the hair color too but idk

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. At the start of the comic, we’re introduced to a slew of colorful characters. Which of the characters shown so far caught your eye the most? What about that character in particular interests you? Further, which of the character dynamics intrigued you the most? From what has been shown so far, especially of the human cast, what do you make of everyone’s relationship with each other? How do you think this devil summoning ritual began, and why is everyone simultaneously showing up and being grumpy about showing up? What do you make of every character’s choice of sins, and in what ways do you think that might come into play later?

ezzy

i like jake and jen a lot, mostly based off their designs

RebelVampire

while brogod definitely interests me, i think the character who caught my eye the most was Jake. Of all the humans he seemed the most down to earth and cool. that and of all the characters jack couldve called at the beginning, he calls jake. and that really makes me want to know their past relationship history cause who you choose ot call first is pretty revealing.

ezzy

i think there's a lot of things being set up for the future and i'm rly interested in seeing where it's going

obviously these are characters who've known each other for a good while and have their own rituals and inter-relationships

the devil summoning is being done for the sake of ritual rather than anyone (besides jackson) caring about the results

so i guess it will be interesting to see why it worked this time and how it will shake up their relationships now that its worked

RebelVampire

yes, definitely. cause if this doesnt test their friendships, nothing will XD

there definitely is a lot of character stuff being set up though

i think from the opening scene the character im most worried about sin wise is allen. cause allen chose sloth and life and while jake played it off as him just being a millenial, umm, yeah. i mean you dont pick life as a sin for nothing

which since allen is the one with the scar

maybe hes got a serious case of survivors guilt

and survived something horrific

khkddn

im really curious about that scar, since it seems like he makes a bigger deal of it than anyone else

RebelVampire

yeah especially when it really isnt that bad of a scar

so theres gotta be emotional ties to it

and not just vanity

since vanity is a sin and was not the one he picked

ezzy

oooh i didn't make the connection between the scar and the sin he picked

khkddn

if there is a connection, it could go multiple ways. maybe it was a situation where he got the scar through inaction, or maybe something happened to him that made him a more passive person

RebelVampire

that could be too

that would combine it well with sloth

the character dynamic i think i want to know most about is blake and ana. cause of this page https://sketchdump.org/tagged/comic/chrono/page/13

there are so many ways to read that conversation and that look

khkddn

oh that's true, i didn't notice that the first time reading through

ezzy

(can i just say i really like the composition of that page)

RebelVampire

yes, i love the visual flow on this page, the slight animation, and all the shot choices. it was a really good build up for that look

ill also point out blake wrote love as his sin

so that is a blush

khkddn

the was blake is in the second panel vs the last panel are super different. if it's related to why he picked love, then i wonder why he and ana haven't haven't seen each other in a while (based on the "long time no see")

RebelVampire

ok wait. im rereading this and the papers are sin and sacrifice. so love isnt the implied sin but what blake wants to sacrifice

so is it like...ana is his ex hes still in love with but he wants to move on?

khkddn

hm that would explain them not seeing each other

RebelVampire

yes and the awkward response from blake

ezzy

oooh

RebelVampire

if life is allen's sacrifice, then thats even worse tho and stands to reason that hes probably guilty of inaction

QUESTION 3. Within the comic, an “innocent” devil summoning seems to go horrifically wrong. What do you think exactly happened to everyone involved? Why did this summoning go so awry, and why did none of the other attempts before have the same results? How does all this tie into what Brogod was doing regarding summoning and translating? Did Brogod somehow cause what happened to the human gang, or were both sides victims? Also, why was Brogod found unconscious and barely breathing after making contact with Jen? What’s even going on with Jen? Lastly, do you think Brogod is okay and, if so, will Brogod try to make contact again?

I do think Brogod was responsible for why everything went awry. Cause its like he was trying to summon the summoner which probably created an extreme magical paradox

ezzy

my guess is that the two "summonings" happening at the same time is what caused everything to go all whoopsy-fucky

khkddn

i think the previous seances never worked because each time, there wasn't someone like brogod on the other end doing their own seance

it's weird that brogod got all messed up but the humans didn't. maybe it's because there was one of him and seven of them?

RebelVampire

i assume brogod got messed up more from making contact with jen

rather than the seance itself causing it

like had he bailed and said "no lets not talk to this person" he mightve been fine?

ezzy

i think the thing with jen is like... either happenning in his head or he's like projecting his conscious to another plane and thats why he's fountaining blood

RebelVampire

yeah

i got the simulation impression

like brogod was tapping into another world

another world i would not be surprised was purgatory or something

whereas the humans got physically transported

simulation world also cause last i checked human eyes dont glow blue like that

unless jen was secretly a cyborg all along

khkddn

im trying to figure out what jen is saying in the non-translated parts.... too hard >_>

RebelVampire

by process of elimination i believe jen was the one who chose to sacrifice limb, so i hope that thing brogod put on her doesnt have long term consequences

khkddn

sacrificing limb sounds pretty straightforward in terms of making it literal, wouldn't want to pick that one

the only non-translated part i think i understand is the one on this page https://sketchdump.org/tagged/comic/chrono/page/32

p sure she's saying something about his tail

RebelVampire

makes sense

i can read "That's a

but the rest i cant figure out

im really curious why brogod seemed to have all those translation bug things as the thematic colors we keep seeing to represent each character

khkddn

they also flew away into the void (i think they did, he tried to catch them) so im wondering where those lil things went

RebelVampire

i mean the most likely conclusion is to the other characters

considering in the latest page we can confirm emily made contact

and clearly the language barrier would still apply without help

ezzy

yeah, it would be silly to have the characters run around without being able to speak the language

so thats a neat solution

RebelVampire

also interesting. cause magic shenanigans must be at work

i do think brogod is gonna be fine and be back again to figure out wtf is going on. cause i think after he wakes up he might realize he had something to do with it. or hell make contact with jen and gleam info about their situation and go "whoops"

ezzy

im really curious about what's gonna happen lmao

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. As the comic has only gotten so far, there’s a lot of speculation to be had about the future. Do you think the human gang will ultimately get back to their homes? At the very least, do you think they’ll at least be able to find each other given they all seem to be quite separated? How do you think Iladyl will be involved with the plot considering his friend seemed to have located Emily? Why is the friend interested in involving Iladyl in the first place? Do you think everyone else has made contact with someone like Emily and Jen? On a different note, what about the world interests you the most right now? Finally, in general, what sorts of conflicts, events, or anything else are you hoping to see or think might happen?

so in line with the topic of sin and sacrifice earlier, im really concerned ana is gonna die. cause thats one way to sacrifice love

ezzy

i feel like they'll be separated for a long time and will have to deal with their relationships while being apart and thrust into a new and foreign situation

you know, like college

RebelVampire

yeah i dont think theyll find each other anytime soon. although the characters who know them may find them. like maybe brogod will find Iladyl's friend and they can chat about their alien friends. but i assume the humans are kind of like in pockets where they cant make contact with each other until theyre out in the actual physical world where there isnt a white void everywhere.

ezzy

they'll probably have to reevaluate their relationships under duress and will be different people by the time they see each other again

RebelVampire

yes, definitely. i mean not even their relationships. theyre gonna have to evaluate themselves cause they all seem to be early 20s or younger with exception to jake who seems to be working at a hospital

tho exception in the sense that im not sure what his job is there

ezzy

the description does say 2 teens and a number of young adults

i wanna say five but i cant fucking count

RebelVampire

i assume most of them are around jack's age

again minus jake

cause it really depends on what jake does

cause if hes a nurse or doctor or something hed be a lot older cause med school takes a long ass time

ezzy

if hes a nurse he might be younger i think(edited)

because nursing school doesnt take as long

RebelVampire

true. but tbf jake could also be some sort of genius and did the whole college thing at 10. hes mostly just the wildcard i wont put eggs into the basket

on a different topic, i bet the others are not having as great as time as jenna or emily. cause i will be surprised if they all manage to meet someone who legitimately wants to help them

ezzy

my guess is that theyre all within 4 years of each other

it will be interesting to see if they all have like... a demon counterpart to play off of

RebelVampire

i think thats plausible, just all their demon counterparts might not be the best of ppl. like knowing slaves are a thing in this world makes me think one of them is kind of destined for it

ezzy

yep

RebelVampire

the bit of world im most intrigued by is from this page https://sketchdump.org/post/174655505354/sketch-dump-c01p24-minor-seizure where brogod gets mad about almost damaging the most priceless artifact in the palace. cause i cant decide what hes talking about, although i assume its the lighter. and if so, wtf happened in the world that its the most priceless artifact

alternative could be talking about the computer, but considering technology seems rampant idk

khkddn

it does look like an ordinary lighter, but who knows

(ordinary lighter w blue fire, that is)

ezzy

hmm the computer says something about a gift and lyddal(?) also mentioned a soul gift

maybe its a soul lighter

lladyl lmao

RebelVampire

hmm that could be

but now that tells me why the friend probably wanted to get Iladyl involved

maybe Iladyl's soul gift is something that will help

with emily

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Aleks Stock, as well, for making Sketch Dump. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Aleks Stock’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://sketchdump.org/

Aleks Stock’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/sketchdump

Sketch Dump’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/sketchdumpcomic

[princebete-archived-moved]

I GOT TAGGED BY @murroyilodel WHO’S A MEMER TO WRITE A SHITTY EXPLANATION OF MY CHARACTER AND I TOO HAVE NO SELF CONTROL.

Hello. my name is a giant controversial question mark. Most of the time it’s beast, but no one knows how offensive it is to be called beast after the thing, and ptsd but also before the thing. it was  both validating and offensive but is what it is. so here. I grew up a noble, and i was sorta spoiled. “ like. let  them eat cake” yanno what m sayin’?  and I was kinda rude sometimes, but i was catered to. so dont blame me how i turned out.  i never had to tie my own ribbons. ya dig? and my mother was dead. my dad, a real asshole!  he finally died. and so time went and i was 12 or 18 . it’s kinda confusing.  and weird and uncomfortable. i was a maN child, but either way.  i was fab. 

one night there was a partay. but no one likes me so no matter what--- the partay was employees. idc, cuz im rich and famous? yanno? and then this really weird old hobo of a woman shows up out of no where. it’s freezing... and im in my tights, ya? so i wanna shut that fuckin door, after I OFFERED to open it. or she did. idk! i couldve been high on some opium. not sure. but i was extrA paranoid. and this is a hobo. hob os  are very sneaky. no matter their age. lots of crap happening to royals in government. so, yes im scared.  i wasnt bout to let a liability come in and endanger my *cough*paid*cough* GUESTS and employees b y this woman. for all i know she could be a cannibalist. plus she was so creepy, she scared my guests, and something told me not to trust her.... and also outright buzzkill. and she couldn’t give me anything besides a rose. coulda been poisoned if i tried sniffing. so i puff up my chest n say no. cuz i want my people to know im protective no matter how much of an ass I am. and immediately she comes out of her guise. SHE IS UNDER FuCKING COVER. WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY? I HAD SOME INKLING? HOW IN THE HELL?? k she looks clean, potentially safer. why didn’t u show me before hand?? fricken hell. before i know it.  . .  iwent through my first/second? third? puberty.... and my terms of finding someone to love me before the last petal of this poison rose falls. and i transform into this  chimera...anthro thing. n i had more hair then i knew what to do witth. and my voice and height got lower and higher. it was kinda exciting to me. but when i saw myself in the mirror, i smash. and my servants were scary af too. movin around as inanimate objects. i couldnt come to terms right away. she left some presents to look at to make me feel better bout myself. PSYK!  and veentually over time i had to think of a way to get out of this predicament. but my whole life i paid to have friends.... how tf is a teacup gonna get a hold of someone to be a guest . a lady or whomeber to come break the curse without money? and who would wanna live in this shity hell hole? i dont. but im stuck. and there is wolves that attack when i try to leave, and when people come [ alone] SO. i wait for god knowsz how long. any iniorganic objects aka. servants dont age. but u kno. i do. cuz i suck. im an ass. i deserve it. mhmm. plus i look like a buffalo-lion who can stand on two legs. im HUGE. i could probably win the final four. anyways. finally this old dude comes. and i try to stay out of the way. but im afraid he gonna break a servant. so i wait in the sidelines. and some say he picked a rose. which i say he did. he took some shit. and i let him get away. but hte rose tirggered me. and i got angry. i put him in a cell. and waited till i could figure out what to do. till his annoying daughter comes in and ruins it all for me--cept oddly attractive.cuz she stands up to me. despite my appearance. takes his place like an idiot, but it’s thoughtful.  when she tries to touch a rose. like father like daughter. 

im triggered. AGAIN. 

whats with this family and touching my roses? I cant. 

after a while i fight some wolves n save her. cuz u try to leave by urself. u get attacked n shit. n the forest is over capacity. and i win. but ifaint. cuz i  got a scratch and im a big fat drama queen. she save me. even tho. im heavy af how? adrenaline?  idk. theres something there that was their before. she not telling me. it’s ok. cuz i like her. i fall for her and give her my library. and we do a little dance.... make a little lov---- uh. no. not that. but we got down at night to the ballroom. and she’s so pretty icant contain my shedding. and i feel warmth in my lower gut, but it’s ok. very okay. she rests on my chest. and i realize im the biggest fucking teddy bear ever. 

i found my mojo. 

and women or just people might actually like me. so im ok with this. maybe it can happen.she likes my creepy inanimate-but-animated employees. and i love her scent. but then she is sad. a nd i dont like that. that no good. she misses daddy. of course. but... maybe if i let her go she’ll give me a bj--AH I MEAN. she cAn be happy, and ill die. so. i let her go. despite the other servants thinking tnheir to be free of my  curse and resign [ cuz who wouldnt?] and disapp;ointed them. potts said i  loved her, for me. annoying. fucking. uGH. i can speak for myself thank you! i have an EXPENSIVE EDUCATUON. so ok. i brood and desapir on the tower. wait for lAst petal to fall. and this mob  comes. o h great. wel lthey can finnish me off. im sure the belle told them bout me. and she dont cAre. till a man comes. and taunts me. and shoots an arrow which is startling cuz OW MY PELT WAS PENETRATED  OMYFUCK.

i flail a bit, and instincts kick in. the beast is coming tru. it wants to hide. but also die. and just i was letting me. the angel of BJ--- I MEAN. BELLES VOICE gets me out of my moping. i come to. all happy like an idiot  to see her which make me look desperate. i get diginity and quickly overpower puny human. he’s kind fun to dangle... but realize that my mistress -- i mean, belle. is standing their and it’s not nice to kill in front of a lady. so i put him down. also cuzi wanna show im forgiving. and so he leaves and i as i approach belle to tell her ( NOT POTTS) i get a blow t o the back which inevitably killsz me.  and the petal falls before hand before she say i love y....ou. which means it’s over. 

but the enchantress take pity. and fix everything.it’s kinda like if u pay ur car payment a few days late. u have a grace period before u get called, and a late fee appears. some thin g. like that. 

this had grace period. and so i suddenly open my eyes. im blind. fuck. 

but no that’s just bright light. phew. nonetheless my retnas burn and undergo a quasi sailor senshi--/ butterfly transformation with mah cape. and the light encompasses me. it tingles. makes me hooman. 

i hooman now. now i hug everyone with similar strength. and now i partay again. but this time people like me more. BJ TIME.

TAGGING: @demoisellebeauty @femmelieutenant @forevercanspareaminute @belladonna-of-thraneal @queen-of-frozen-arendelle @next-door-nightmare @anastcsie and anyone else!!

[dreamin-of-somewhere-else]

The Secret [2]

Part 1

I got numerous requests to write a part 2 for this (which made me really happy), specifically for some Dean angst, and who am I to turn that down?

Characters: Winchester Brothers x sister!reader

Words: 2900 (I may have gotten a bit carried away, oops.)

[Angst, A bit of blood, Guilt] - But nothing too bad, I wouldn’t say.

Tags: @daughters-and-winsisters, @evyiione

A/N: Also, I just finished this, which might be a bit rushed, so sorry about any misspellings that I failed to notice. I just really wanted to get this up right now!

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Dean always knew Sam had a more complex way of seeing the world of monsters and supernatural creatures. Himself, Dean had adopted John’s more black and white way of thinking. It was just easier that way, because although he admired Sam for that sometimes, he could get annoyed too. It was just harder doing what they do if you chose to let the shades of grey in.

But, this situation was different. Because now it was personal. It was family. And that was the reason for Dean not doing anything about it. He was angry at himself for it, but he didn’t know what to do.

The door to the bunker opened with a creak, and then a heavy slam echoed through the building as it closed. The noise brought Dean out of his thoughts, and he instantly got off his bed to greet Sam, who was the only person it could be.

Even though Dean really liked the bunker, it had some disadvantages. One of them was that he couldn’t keep track of Sam as well as he used to. He had noticed that Sam was gone, but never when he left. Let’s just say it was a big change from the motel rooms.

Dean and Sam had moved into the bunker only days after they parted with you. And even though they moved, traces of you were everywhere. Your old pair of worn and dirty converse stood parked by the door, still, even though you never took them off there. Other stuff of yours — like books, sketch blocks, clothes, your old mp3 player — it was all left in a room you’d never been in. You never left it there. Sam and Dean brought them. Even though it had been over a month — they couldn’t cut you out of their lives. Not permanently. Not yet.

”Hey,” Dean acknowledged Sam as the younger walked down the stairs to the main, living room.

”Hi.”

That was a little stiff, maybe.

”So, what were you doing?” The blond Winchester then questioned, wondering what his little brother had been up to.

”Just… Just in town, checking it out.” Sam shrugged, walking past Dean through the large hall.

Dean did not believe that.

”Oh, come on, Sam. Where were you, really?”

”Why do you need to know?” Sam called out in response, while Dean started following him through the building.

”Why do you need to keep things from me?” Dean retorted, not giving in. He could sense when Sam wasn’t telling the whole truth after over two decades, closer to three, with the kid.

Sam didn’t answer.

”Is this about—” Dean had a hunch, and he decided to venture asking. ”—her? It is about (Y/N), isn’t it?”

Sam groaned as he came to a stop. Dean watched his shoulders rise and then lower down again, until Sam spun around to face his older brother.

”Might be.”

Dean groaned too now. ”Sam, she lied to us.” He still felt unbelievably betrayed, the single thought about it physically pained him.

”Yeah, and I understand her.” Sam spat, rocking an expression that screamed ’I’m freakin’ tired with your shit.’ The tired, disbelieving little smile shared similarities with the ’bitch face’, but this look was far more serious. ”You need to cut her some slack. It’s not her fault she isn’t like us.”

”But she pretended like nothing was wrong for years. She could’ve just told us from the beginning!” Dean defended himself, eyes round and accusingly staring at Sam.

”Sure, but what’s done is done. She’s the one who’s out there, alone!” Sam argued, his arms spreading out wide as he spoke, frustration with the situation showing through his body language.

”Sam, she’s a kitsune. We’re supposed to hunt those.” Dean tried to justify his actions, even though he wasn’t entirely happy with the way he had handled the situation.

”How long will it take for you to realize? Yes, she’s not human. Yes, she’s a supernatural creature. But Dean, for god’s sake, get over it!”

Dean blinked.

”Dean, we are hunters. Hunters are taught to hunt supernatural things, right?” He didn’t give his brother time to answer, because Dean already knew. ”Well, that means others are going to hunt her down sooner or later.”

Dean was taken back. He surely hadn’t thought of that. He had considered you being a danger, but not in danger.

”I’ve been out trying to find her, okay?” Sam continued. ”And I suggest you make up your mind if you want to see her again, before someone finds her and kills her. Because you know very well that it can happen.”

The oldest struggled to process the new piece of knowledge as guilt started to wash over him, even more than before. He shook his head to himself, running his hands through his hair. For you to get slaughtered by hunters was not what he wanted.

”Dean, it’s still her.” Sam now spoke in a softer voice. Dean already understood. ”The girl we know, the girl who lived with us, the girl in your memories. Since she didn’t tell us for years and she’s been a kitsune all that time — it proves that it doesn’t matter. She’s still herself, the same as she’s always been — we just know more about her. And you know how bad it’s out there. If we can hunt kitsunes without a problem, so can others.”

A moment of silence passed.

”I’ve screwed things up haven’t I?” Dean then muttered, both to Sam and to himself. ”I’ve just made it much worse that it has to be.”

”I understand, I felt betrayed too. Who would have thought (Y/N) was a supernatural creature. (Y/N), of all people.” Sam let out a humorless laugh. ”But, the world is complicated. There’s shades of grey everywhere. I know you see things the way Dad taught you, I do too at times, but we need to believe in what we see, not what he said. Supernatural doesn’t equal bad.”

Dean nodded. ”We need to fix this, Sam. I mean, I don’t know if we ever can fix things between us… B-but, we should keep her safe, at least. You’re right, and I’m with you.”

Dean hurried after the silhouette in front of him. It was one month later, and Dean could have sworn it was you. He and Sam had searched, what it felt like, every inch, and then you just appear out of nowhere. Well, if it was you, Dean wasn’t completely sure. But, he wasn’t letting go until he was.

The young woman in front of him shot a look over her shoulder, and Dean quickly hid himself against the closest wall, invisible in the darkness of the alley.

Then, she looked forward again and hurried on, and Dean followed. He knew now. It was you, he could tell by the hair, the clothes, the silhouette and the facial structure all together. It was just scraps and pieces, he couldn’t see well through the darkness of the alley. But, it was enough.

So, he picked up the tempo, to catch you before you exited the alley, disappearing around the corner, possibly gone forever. This might be Dean’s only shot and he wasn’t going to mess it up. Not like he messed it up the last time you saw each other.

Dean’s steps got louder, heavier, and you noticed it. You walked faster. Dean was running. You weren’t — you were too tired. Dean caught up with you, and placed his hand on your shoulder and spun you around.

He was in for a rollercoaster of emotions.

First he was felt indescribable relief. It was actually you, his hand was on your shoulder. At last, after days where Dean didn’t even think of anything else than that he might never see you again.

The next emotion was uneasiness, once he saw your eyes that stared back at him, open wide. They were still the same, beautiful color, but the pupils were different. They were outstretched, like a cat’s — or a fox’s. A lump formed in Dean’s stomach and it took everything he had not to flinch.

The uneasiness intensified and transformed into worry once he saw your hands. They were covered in dark crimson. Drying blood — everywhere. Dean found himself wishing badly that you hadn’t hurt anyone. Although it didn’t seem like you, Dean didn’t know for sure, this was new territory for him.

But the worry transformed into fear, after he intuitionally lifted your jacket — to reveal a huge bloodstain on your shirt. He immediately grabbed your upper arms with both hands, as if he was scared you would collapse any moment.

”(Y/N)?” He asked, voice trembling and his eyes pooling with concern. His eyes wandered off the bloodied shirt, and came to a stop by the gaping whole in the fabric over your chest. Underneath a nasty wound showed itself, digging deep into your ribcage.  

”Dean?” Your voice was filled with disbelief. You were more focused on Dean being back than your own state.

”You bet.” Dean smiled just a little but it reached nowhere near his eyes. ”(Y/N), you’re hurt, I—”

”I-I know. It was a… close call.” You interrupted, panting. ”If it wasn’t for the fighting skills you taught me… I p-probably wouldn’t be standing here. So thanks for that.” Your voice wasn’t angry but it wasn’t happy either. It was lacking most traces of emotion.

”Can I do something—”

”No, it’ll heal… Just hurts right now.” You interrupted once again.

”Was… Was it hunters?” Dean was scared to ask. He hoped with all his heart that it wasn’t. That Sam wasn’t right about you being in constant, serious, danger.

”Three of them.” You spoke, looking at Dean with a blank expression.

Dean shook his head to himself, anger and guilt welling up inside. He felt a burning desire to find those sons of bitches and make them pay for this.

An awkward silence fell over you two, and you raised your eyebrows at how Dean still seemed unsure and uneasy. His glance was wobbly and hands slightly trembling.

”What?”

”Your eyes…” Dean murmured.

You instantly took your gaze away from him and stared down at the asphalt. You hadn’t even noticed your eyes, probably because the pain in your chest overtook everything.

”Why are you here?” You then asked. By the way he had acted the last time you saw each other, that night on the hunt, you had expected to never see him again.

He had told you that he killed those like you, and now, here he was wondering about the bloodstains on your shirt that those like him had caused.

”I’m so sorry.” He blurted out, his voice cracking. You lifted your gaze to look at him, and saw the pain radiating from his eyes. ”I’m so, so, sorry.”

Too surprised to speak, you remained quiet.

”I messed everything up.” Dean drew an unsteady breath. ”You’re our family. And it shouldn’t have taken me 2 months and Sam yelling at me to realize that.”

You nodded, lost for words, still.

”W-what you are… We can work around it. You’re still you. A-and I don’t want you out on your own, where hunters can get to you.”

You let out a weak, humorless laugh. ”Me neither.”

”I’m so sorry. I-I wish I could take it back, what I said.”

You nodded. It was quiet for a moment before you spoke up.

”You and Sam— You kinda… are my only family.” You fumbled with your words. ”Well — I don’t have any real family, but…”

”No, (Y/N), Sam and I are your real family. If you still want us to be.” Dean offered tentatively, although his eyes pleadingly screamed for you to please let them be your family.

You nodded. ”Yeah… I-I would like that.” The corners of your lips curled into a small smile.

”Thank you.”

”You don’t have to thank me.” You objected, slightly frowning.

”I do.” Dean assured you. ”This is all my fault, and I don’t deserve—”

”Hey, Dean!” You stopped him. ”Don’t guilt yourself to death, okay?”

Dean closed his mouth and nodded.

”I forgive you.”

”You do?” He asked in disbelief.

”I do. Now, where’s Sam?” You then questioned, changing the topic.

As on queue, Dean’s cellphone rang.

”Speaking of the devil.” He declared, with the trace of a smirk on his face. You felt a some of the weight on your shoulders lift when you saw it — it made Dean looked more like his usual self — something you didn’t even know you wanted to see. ”Hiya, Sammy.” Dean answered the phone.

You were quiet while Dean talked to Sam. You had good hearing, better than both of them knew, but you didn’t bother listening in on the conversation. Instead you just took in the moment.

It had gotten considerably darker since Dean found you, the last of the sunlight had settled below the horizon. It was pretty quiet, although you could hear a car somewhere in the distance. A couple talking as they walked down the street the alley you stood in eventually opened up to. You kept your eyes on the opening between the tall buildings as you waited for the two to walk into your view as you heard their voices growing louder. But instead — someone else stepped into the opening of the alley. Someone far better.

”Sam,” you whispered as your eyes met with his hazel ones. Meanwhile, he lowered the phone and hung up.

”(Y/N)!” He exclaimed as relief filled his eyes, although concern soon fought it off.

He started running towards you.

”Are you hurt?” Sam’s voice was stressed, trembling, as he stared at the blood.

”I’m going to be fine.” You smiled. You were so happy to see him — to see them both. The resentment you felt towards Dean when he showed up had melted off you. You were tired of being angry. Instead, you let the euphoria overtake you.

The relief returned to Sam’s eyes, and he became the representation of how you were feeling. He let out a laugh as he threw his arms around you, and clutched you tightly against his chest. You held in a groan as your wounds still hurt a bit, but you didn’t want him to let you go — not for the world.

Dean watched with admiration in his eyes. His brother and his sister, reunited. Two of the people Dean kept closest to his heart.

”I’m so sorry.” Sam spoke, and you felt his voice rumble through his chest. ”Oh god, I thought for sure someone had gotten to you…”

”Sam, it’s okay.” You reassured him. ”I forgive you, and even if someone tried — I can assure you that I’m not easy to kill. Promise.”

”Okay,” Sam nodded, and let out a deep breath. You felt his heartbeat slow down to a more normal, calm, rate. ”I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

Then he let you go, and you looked over at Dean, who was watching over you with round, soulful green eyes. You couldn’t stop yourself, before you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around his upper body.

After hugging him for a moment, you stepped back. ”I’m sorry I lied for years.”

”We’re sorry for what we said and leaving you.” Sam countered.

”What about we just forget it?” Dean offered, and both you and Sam nodded. ”Let’s go home, instead.”

You rose your eyebrows, the way Dean said home got you curious, as if there was something you had missed.

”We have something to show you.” Dean explained, anticipation in his eyes, and you smiled.

What could it be?

Arriving at the bunker, you felt the excitement grow inside of you. An actual home. Dean and Sam watched your reaction with smiles on their faces.

Now, you would have walked around and explored the building — if you weren’t exhausted. It had been a long day — heck, months — and the run in with the hunters that came after you had taken a toll on you. Sure, you were a kitsune, more powerful than any human, but your body had used up most of its energy healing itself. And now, you were ready to turn in for the night.

Sam and Dean saw this, and understood. So, Dean looped his arm through yours and began leading you towards his room. You would soon get your own room, of course, the bunker had a lot of space, but for now his and Sam’s were the only ones with made beds, so for the night, it would have to do.

Entering the room, you immediately crashed down onto the bed, and Dean gently pulled the covers  over you. You flipped over to your stomach and instinctively pulled the blankets over you head, snuggling into the bedding, just like you always did.

Just as Dean thought you were out, you spoke up. ”I love you, Dean.”

Dean felt how your words tugged at his heartstrings. ”I love you too, (Y/N).”

He smiled and ran a hand over your hair.

You shifted a bit, and snuggled in further under the covers. ”Tell Sammy I love him too.” You added, mumbling. Then, you nodded off into sleep.

Of course Dean would tell Sam that, because just like Dean, Sam probably needed to hear it again.

And even though Dean still kind of felt like he didn’t deserve it, he was beyond happy to hear you say it; that you loved him. Because, he loved you too.

[skiasurveys]

88

1. What era do you think is the most romanticized? What era do you romanticize the most? Personally I think either the 1940s-60s and 1800s Victorian era is romanticized which is stupid because they are both horrible times in history especially for POC. Usually just white people romanticizng it. I romanticize like 1500s just because I love history tbh.

2. When’s the last time you went against your eating habits or religion (ex. Eating beef when you’re Muslim)? this week i ate out a lot which is awful because money and i don’t want to get fat and unhealthy lolol. I feel awful too 

3. When’s the last time you either signed a petition or gave money to a cause? What was the petition or cause about? I signed a petition for my boyfriends friend for a personal reason that i rather not say lol

4. What are your opinions of apps such as SnapChat or Kik (where it’s common to send naughty pictures)? Do you have one? I have both and hardly use both. I use more snapchat than Kik, i dont like KIK anymore because I am in a relationship and people dont seem to respect that on there. I dont care if you send nudes on either, just be safe guys. I think the apps are kind of pointless imo. 

5. Even if you are not Christian or never celebrated Christmas, do you think you will raise your (possible future) children to believe in Santa Clause? Why or why not?  If i ever choose to have children i dont think imma teach them santa because I dont believe in lying to your children. its just fake shit so your kid will be good. just teach them to not be little shits.

6. Who has the most interesting phone cover you know or what was the most interesting one you have come across (in store or online)?  I dont know. I like the ones that look like the old game boy or mix tapes too.

7. What is one physical feature on yourself that you find masculine (or feminine)?  i guess my tits are pretty feminine but other than that ...prob my hands cus theyre so small.

8. What’s the most trivial thing to get on your nerves or makes you worried?  when people text me back slowly especially if I can see theyre online or posting stuff. Its not really a jealousy thing or whatever. I dont get mad cus they dont text back it smore so like i get worried if i said something wrong or if theyre mad. or sometimes im worried if theyre hurt like if i dont here back from someone for a really long time i get worried that they couldve gotten in an accident.

9. Has anyone ever told you something along the lines of “You had a great [...], but you screwed it all up”? How would you feel if someone did tell you that? I dont think anyone has ever said this to me. It really depends on what theyre saying. But it would probably hurt me like if they said something like You had a great future but you fucked it all up etc. I hate hearing that stuff.

10. Would you rather play a game such as World of Warcraft, League of Legends, or an app/Facebook game (Candy Crush, Bejewled)?  I would play WoW rather than a phone game. I fucking hate League of Legends though. and phone games i play only to pass the time lol

11. Post some pictures of anything or anyone you find beautiful or attractive.  eh check this link ---> justskia.tumblr.com/tagged/me

12. What’s the longest time you unwillingly gone without internet? How about a phone? wel i didnt use the internet til i was 10 years old and I also didn’t get my first phone til I was 14. But besides that, my longest was probably either a month or couple weeks.

13. What one word would you like be described as but never are? What is one word you are always described as but don’t want to be? i would love to be described as complelling. and Im always described as hot or whatever and i rather be called beautiful. Lol. barf.

14. Given the choice... Would you pick a rollaway bed, an air mattress, or a futon to sleep on for the next month? rollaway bed.

15. What's the most amount of messages you either woke up to on a social media site or your phone?  i have woken up to like 40 plus messages once. depends though.

16. If you were to go in for a job interview (just think an interview for a minimum wage job), how would you dress?  depends where. I usually dress semi-casual so i dont look out of place but also not toooo fancy.

17. When you have nightmares, do they normally have the same theme (ex. always being killed) or do they just relate to something going on in your life at the moment/random? random, or people killing me or something.

18. Some surveys ask if you ever stepped in dog poop. However, have you ever stepped in animal pee?  lol nope.

19. When's the last time you or someone else has overstayed their visit?  I am not sure.

20. Has a conversation starter of "We need to talk" ever ended on a good note for you? Explain.  it really depends. It can be good and it can be bad. It can be both. I dont like hearing those words cus i instantly think i did something wrong but it really depends on the context.