#most of their music is shit thats been shared between me and my ex

[toziers]

concerts are so embarrassing now with everyone constantly taking photos… like im here to listen to music i dont need my lesbian breakdown to be accidentally documented in the background of your obsessive fan photos let me rock in peace

[goldfades]

★ THOUGHT OF CALLIN' YA, BUT YOU WON'T PICK UP / 'NOTHER FORTNIGHT LOST IN AMERICA / MOVE TO FLORIDA IOWA, BUY THE CAR YOU WANT / BUT IT WON'T START UP 'TIL YOU TOUCH, TOUCH, TOUCH ME ─── PB⁵ (part 2/2)

❪ requested -> paige and ex gf!reader that plays on iowa where theres a lot of tension on the court bc they ended on rough terms but u can see that they still care abt each other yet have to prioritize the game // hii could u write for paige x ex gf iowa!reader where they play against each other in the final four and everyone can tell theres sm tension on the court between them bc they ended on rough terms ? they still care abt each other a lot but r forced to put those feelings aside for the sake of the game (but they def had a talk afterwards) - u can make it so that iowa still won or uconn won i think either one would be interesting ! tysm ❫ part one!!!!!!!!!!!!

─ warnings | dramatic as FUCK, resolution type shit, iowa v. uconn but like i changed a bunch of stuff so it's not "canon" to real life LMAO. uhhh angst?? idk?? HAPPY ENDINGGG!!!!!!!

─ ev's notes | i just picked LA sparks cause thats the team i want paige to go to but uh it might not be realistic, also this will make sense when u finish ;)

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APRIL 1, 2024

THE AIR WAS ELECTRIC in the arena as the final buzzer sounded, sealing UConn’s victory over USC in the 2024 NCAA Finals.

Confetti rained down, and the deafening roar of the crowd filled the space as the Huskies celebrated their hard-fought win. Paige Bueckers, at the center of it all, was surrounded by her teammates, hugging and shouting in excitement.

Hours later, the team was at an afterparty, the celebratory atmosphere continuing. Music blared, and laughter filled the room as the players enjoyed their victory. Paige, drink in hand, was beaming, her joy evident to everyone around her. She had worked so hard for this moment, and it was everything she had hoped for. She overcame her ACL injury and everyone who had doubted her, she'd ─ no, they'd ─ made it to the Final Four.

As Paige moved through the crowd, accepting congratulations and sharing in the excitement, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out, glancing at the screen. It was a news alert about the NCAA tournament brackets.

"Iowa knocked out LSU," Paige read aloud, her brow furrowing. The notification showed that Iowa had defeated LSU in a close game, securing their spot in the next round. This meant that UConn would be playing against Iowa next, and therefore against Y/N L/N.

The realization hit Paige like a ton of bricks. She stood still for a moment, the noise and celebration around her fading into the background. She was going to have to play against you.

The same Y/N who had been such a significant part of her life (arguably was the most important part), who she had argued with and ultimately lost, who had moved on and found success elsewhere.

A mix of emotions surged through Paige — anxiety, determination, and a hint of sadness. She hadn't seen you played alongside you since your explosive breakup and your transfer to Iowa. Now, they were going to face each other on one of the biggest stages in their collegiate careers.

Nika noticed Paige's sudden change in demeanor and walked over. "Hey, what's up? You look like you've seen a ghost, we won the game, remember?" she tried to lighten the mood as she smiled.

Paige forced a smile, shaking her head slightly. "Nah, it's just... LSU lost to Iowa. We're going to have to play them next."

Nika raised an eyebrow, understanding dawning in her eyes. "Oh. Y/N."

"Yeah," Paige replied, taking a sip of her drink to steady herself. "Y/N."

Aaliyah joined them, catching the tail end of the conversation. "What about Y/N?"

Paige sighed, glancing between her friends. "We're going to play against her in the next round. Iowa knocked LSU out."

Aaliyah gave a sympathetic nod. "Oh shit. That's... that's going to be intense."

"Tell me about it," Paige muttered. She took a deep breath, trying to push aside the personal turmoil and focus on the challenge ahead. "But we have to be ready. This isn't just about me and Y/N. It's about the team. We have to win."

Nika clapped Paige on the shoulder, offering a reassuring smile. "Exactly. And we will. You've got this, P. We'll face whatever comes our way together."

It left a bitter taste in their mouth, Y/N ─ their (besides Paige, obviously) good friend and old teammate ─ now, they had to knock her out or vice versa.

Aaliyah, sensing Paige's inner turmoil, leaned in closer. "Paige, you've always been one of the strongest people we know. You can handle this. And who knows, maybe facing Y/N will bring some closure."

Paige nodded, appreciating Nika's words. "Yeah, maybe. It just feels... complicated."

Nika chimed in, her tone supportive yet firm. "It is complicated, but remember why we're here. We've worked too hard to let anything distract us now. We owe it to ourselves and to our fans to give it our all."

Paige took a deep breath, steeling herself. "You're right. This is about the team and our goal. We need to stay focused."

Aubrey, who had been quiet, suddenly spoke up. "Y/N is a great player, but so are we. We’ve got each other's backs, and that’s what matters. We’re Huskies, and we fight together."

The next day, practice was intense. The team worked tirelessly, their focus razor-sharp. Coach Geno was relentless, pushing them to their limits. Paige appreciated the rigorous drills, as they helped distract her from her thoughts about Y/N.

──

"Didn't you like, date Paige?" Gabbie spoke up as she glanced toward you, a curious expression on her face. "Like, Paige Bueckers at UConn?"

Everyone was in your hotel room, trying to recover from the afterparty last night. LSU was a hard fought win and everyone was really feeling the win, especially after the controversy from last year so obviously that meant drinks with the team.

Gabbie and Jada were on your bed, Kate had her head on your shoulder as Caitlin struggled to keep her eyes open, despite her laying upright in the chair.

Kate's head perked up at the name, looking up to gauge your expression. It'd been a while since someone (other than reporters) asked you about her, your heart skipping a beat at the mention. The only people who really knew what really happened were Caitlin and Kate, you didn't want to open up about it to anyone else.

Caitlin's eyes opened as she gave you a look. She wanted to speak up before you answered, giving her a nod.

"Yeah, uh a while back." You answered with a nervous smile, feeling the weight of everyone's attention. The room, filled with the soft sounds of recovery and idle conversation, seemed to focus in on you for a moment.

Gabbie raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. "Wow, that's wild. Must be kind of crazy having to play against your ex in such a big game."

Kate shifted slightly, giving you a reassuring squeeze on your shoulder. Caitlin, still half-asleep, managed a supportive smile. You appreciated their silent encouragement.

"Yeah, it can be," you admitted, trying to keep your voice steady. "But at the end of the day, it's about the game and the team. We’re all here to win."

Jada, who had been quietly listening, chimed in. "That’s a good mindset. It’s gotta be tough, but you’re been handling it really well. Better than me,"

"Thanks," you replied, feeling a bit more at ease. "I just try to focus on what I can control. And right now, that's playing my best for the team."

Caitlin's eyes fully opened now, her gaze steady on you. "And you've been killing it. We wouldn't be here without you."

"Same goes for you, Cait," you responded, grateful for her unwavering support. "We’re all in this together."

Gabbie still seemed curious but nodded, respecting the boundaries you had set. "Well, for what it's worth, I think it's pretty badass. Turning something tough into motivation like that."

"Yeah," Kate added, her voice gentle. "And besides, we’ve got your back no matter what."

The room fell back into a comfortable rhythm, the conversation shifting to lighter topics. You felt a wave of relief, glad that the subject had been handled with sensitivity by your teammates. It reminded you of why you loved this team so much ─ their understanding, their support, and their ability to focus on what truly mattered.

As the evening wore on, you found yourself thinking about the upcoming game against UConn. It was inevitable that facing Paige would stir up old emotions, but you knew you were ready. Your time with Iowa had been transformative, helping you grow not just as a player, but as a person.

You had a team that believed in you, and you believed in them. That was enough to face any challenge, even one as personal as this.

The next day at practice, the atmosphere was intense but focused. The coaches ran through plays, strategies, and drills, emphasizing teamwork and communication. You felt a renewed sense of determination, ready to give it your all.

After practice, Caitlin and Kate approached you, their expressions serious yet supportive. "You good?" Caitlin asked, her concern evident.

"Yeah," you said, nodding. "I'm ready."

Kate smiled, her eyes reflecting pride. "We’re gonna crush it. Together."

You smiled back, feeling the warmth of their support. "Yeah, we are."

──

APRIL 5, 2024

"And here we are folks, the most anticipated of the season! The NCAA Women's Basketball Championship Final Four is about to tip off, featuring the Iowa Hawkeyes against the UConn Huskies!" The commentator's voice boomed through the packed arena, the excitement palpable among the sea of fans.

The camera panned over the teams warming up on the court. The Iowa Hawkeyes, led by their star player Caitlin Clark and Y/N L/N, looked focused and determined. On the other side, the UConn Huskies, with their legendary coach Geno Auriemma and standout players like Paige Bueckers and Nika Muhl, were equally intense.

"Tonight's matchup is not just a clash of two powerhouse teams, but a story of redemption and rivalry." The commentator continued. "Y/N L/N, former UConn star, now shining with Iowa, will face off against her old team. This game has all the makings of an instant classic."

Kate stood behind you, giving your shoulders squeeze as you let out a surprised yelp. "Ow!"

Kate smiled as she put her arm around you. "You nervous?"

You laughed, shaking off the nerves. "A little bit. It's a big game."

Kate squeezed your shoulder again, this time more gently. "You've got this, Y/N. We've all got your back. Just play your game."

You nodded, taking a deep breath. "Thanks, Kate. That means a lot."

As the team huddled up for a final pep talk, Caitlin took the lead. "This is our moment. We've worked hard to get here, and now it's time to finish what we started. Play for each other, leave everything on the court, and let's bring that trophy home!"

The team roared in agreement, the energy palpable as you broke the huddle and took your positions on the court. You were guarding Paige, that was the ultimate goal for you ─ make sure she does not score.

As you walked to the court, your gazes met and your heart sank. She looked determined, her eyes sharp and focused, a mirror of your own intensity. Her blue eyes carried years of memories, both beautiful and painful. There was a time when those eyes looked at you with nothing but love. Now, they were filled with a competitive fire, and something else ─ something you couldn’t quite place.

But you also knew that you were ready. You had trained for this, prepared for this, and you were not going to let her outshine you. She looked you up and down, but she kept her lips shut as you took your position.

Paige moved quickly, weaving through your teammates with a grace that was almost mesmerizing. But you were right there with her, matching her stride for stride. Every pivot, every fake ─ you were there, anticipating her moves as if you were still in sync, like you had been during the best of times.

The whistle blew, and the game began. The crowd's cheers became a distant roar as you zeroed in on Paige. Paige moved quickly, weaving through your teammates with a grace that was almost mesmerizing. She tried to shake you off with a quick pivot, but you anticipated her move and stayed in front of her, blocking her path to the basket.

You were right there with her, matching her stride for stride. Every pivot, every fake ─ you were there, anticipating her moves as if you were still in sync, like you had been during the best of times.

Right from the start, the intensity was through the roof. UConn came out strong, with Paige leading the charge. She was as formidable as ever, hitting shots from all over the court and orchestrating the offense with precision. But Iowa matched their intensity, with Caitlin and you leading the charge.

"Clark drives to the basket... passes to L/N... she shoots... and it's good! Y/N L/N ties the game at 20!" the commentator exclaimed.

As the game progressed, the physical exertion mirrored the emotional toll. Each bump, each shove, was a reminder of the walls that had gone up between you two. You could hear the crowd, the commentators, your coach shouting instructions, but it all faded into the background.

All you could focus on was Paige, everything about her almost felt like a ghost of someone who you'd known intimately but had somehow become a stranger. The familiarity of her movements, the way she dribbled the ball, the sheer determination in her eyes ─ it all brought back memories that you had tried so hard to bury.

As the game progressed, those memories kept flooding back. Late-night talks after practice, shared laughter over inside jokes, the way her hand used to fit perfectly in yours. Each interaction on the court was laden with unspoken words, with the weight of what once was and what could never be again.

In a particularly intense moment, Paige drove to the basket, and you fouled her hard, sending her sprawling to the floor. Time seemed to slow as you reached out a hand to help her up, your eyes locking onto hers. The crowd's noise dimmed, and for a brief second, it felt like it was just the two of you.

"I'm fine," she said, brushing off your hand and getting up on her own. But her voice was softer, lacking the sharp edge it had carried since the breakup.

"Sorry," you muttered, more for everything unspoken between you than for the foul itself.

She gave a curt nod, her expression unreadable as she walked to the free-throw line. You could see the conflict in her eyes, the same one that mirrored your own. Despite the competitive fire, there was an undeniable connection that neither of you could ignore, could ever ignore.

Midway through the first half, there was a brief pause in play. Paige looked over at you, her chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. "You're really making this tough," she said, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips.

"Just doing my job," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. Inside, you were a whirlwind of emotions.

The first half ended with both teams neck and neck. In the locker room, Coach Blunder gave a rousing speech, but your mind was elsewhere. You couldn’t stop thinking about Paige ─ the good times, the bad, and everything in between. The harsh words exchanged during the breakup, the regret that followed, and the lingering hurt that neither of you had ever fully addressed.

Each glance, each brush of your arms, felt like an electric shock. It was more than just a battle for victory; it was a confrontation of your shared past and the emotions you had both tried to suppress.

Back on the court, the tension was palpable. "Paige on the drive... she dishes it out to the wing, but L/N intercepts! What a defensive play!" The commentator’s voice boomed, but you barely registered it, too focused on the person right in front of you.

In a brief moment when the ball was out of play, Paige walked up beside you. "You're playing good, L/N," she said, breathless but sincere. It was the first civil thing she had said to you in months.

"Thanks," you replied, your heart aching. "You too."

The final minutes of the game were a blur. With the score tied and the clock winding down, Paige had the ball. She drove towards the basket, and you were right there with her. She went up for a shot, and you blocked it, the ball flying out of bounds. The whistle blew, and UConn called a timeout.

As both teams huddled up, coach emphasized the importance of the next play. "This is it. One more stop, and we win this."

When the game resumed, UConn inbounded the ball to Paige. She glanced at you, her expression a mix of determination and something else ─ something softer. She made a move towards the basket, but you stayed with her, your eyes never leaving hers. She pulled up for a jumper, and you leapt, your hand just grazing the ball enough to alter its trajectory.

"Caitlin grabs the rebound... she sprints down the court... passes to L/N... Y/N for the win... and it's in! Iowa takes the lead with seconds to spare!"

The buzzer sounded, and the gym erupted in cheers. Your teammates rushed to embrace you, lifting you high as the reality of your victory set in. You had done it. You had faced off against one of the best ─ and your ex ─ and emerged victorious.

You felt the tears of happiness trail down your face uncontrollably as you shouted, "We did it! We actually did it!" Your voice was almost drowned out by the roar of the crowd and the jubilation of your team.

As you were carried around in celebration, your eyes searched for Paige. Despite the euphoria of the win, there was a part of you that needed to see her, to understand her reaction. You spotted her near the sidelines, her expression a mixture of disappointment and quiet acceptance.

Gently, you extricated yourself from your teammates' embrace and made your way over to her. The noise of the gym seemed to fade into the background as you approached. Paige looked up, meeting your gaze with those familiar blue eyes that had once been your world, except now they were teary eyed.

"Uh, congrats, Y/N." She sniffled, her voice steady but soft. There was a depth of emotion in her eyes, a mix of pride and sadness that tugged at your heart.

"Thanks, Paige," you replied, your voice catching slightly. "You played an amazing game. You always do."

She nodded, a small smile playing on her lips. "You too. You deserved this win."

There was a moment of silence, a charged pause where the weight of your shared history hung between you. Finally, you broke the silence.

"I'm sorry," you whispered suddenly, your stomach twisting in gulit.

Paige scoffed, shaking her head. "For what? Playing your best? Don't apologize-"

"No. For having to be the one to take you guys out. I mean... you guys are my family," you felt your own tears build up in your eyes. "Were my family," you corrected quickly.

Paige's expression softened, her teary eyes locking onto yours. "We are a family, that doesn't just go away. But you have your own path to follow, Y/N. And it's okay. We all knew this day might come."

You felt a lump in your throat, struggling to find the right words. "I just... I never wanted it to end like this, with us on opposite sides."

Paige reached out, her hand finding yours and squeezing it gently and it felt like how it did, two years ago. "Life doesn't always go the way we want, but that doesn't mean what we had wasn't real or important. We grew together, and now we're growing apart. It's part of the journey."

You nodded, swallowing hard. "I just hope we can find our way back to being friends, someday."

Paige's smile was bittersweet. "Maybe. But even if we don't, know that I still care about you, and I always will. I never... I never meant what I said, I swear. I'm not angry anymore, I'm just proud."

The tears spilled over, but you managed to smile through them. "Thank you, Paige. That means more than you know."

Before you could even process it, Paige pulled you into a tight hug. She buried her face in your neck as you felt your tears flow freely, her breaths coming in hiccups. You hugged her back just as tightly, feeling the familiar warmth and comfort you had once known so well.

Her lips found your temple, pressing a kiss on to it. You squeezed her tighter, but it was a cathartic release, a letting go of all the hurt and tension that had built up over the past years.

After what felt like an eternity, Paige pulled back slightly, her eyes red and puffy but filled with a kind of peace. Before she could say it, you felt someone's hands on your back. You met the eyes of Nika, pulling her into a hug.

And soon, the seniors of your old team surrounded you, taking their own turn in hugging you and congratulating you. It was bittersweet moment, reunion tinged with the pain of separation but also the joy of shared memories and accomplishments. Each hug brought a new rush of memories, a reminder of the bond you had shared with these incredible women.

"Well, what a remarkable sight we're witnessing right now," the lead commentator said, his voice tinged with emotion. "It's not just about the victory for Iowa or the hard-fought battle for UConn. This is a moment of true sportsmanship and personal connection. You can see the genuine respect and love these players have for each other, transcending the rivalry and the outcome of the game."

His co-commentator nodded in agreement. "Absolutely. It's moments like these that remind us why we love sports. It's not just about the competition, it's about the camaraderie and the human stories behind the game. These athletes have given everything on the court, but off the court, they are still friends, still a family in many ways."

The camera panned across the court, capturing the emotional reunions and heartfelt embraces. It zoomed in on you and Paige, still holding hands and exchanging a few final words. The commentators fell silent for a moment, letting the images speak for themselves.

As you walked away, you felt a sense of closure. It wasn't the perfect resolution, but it was a step in the right direction. You turned back to your teammates, who had been watching the exchange with quiet understanding.

Kate came up to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "How are you feeling?" she asked gently.

You took a deep breath, feeling a sense of calm settle over you. "Better. Lighter, somehow."

Kate smiled and squeezed your shoulder. "Good. Now let's go celebrate!"

You laughed, the sound light and free. "Yeah, let's do that."

As you joined your teammates in the celebration, the noise and excitement of the gym washed over you. For the first time in a long while, you felt truly at peace. The future was still uncertain, but you knew you had the strength and support to face whatever came next. And that was enough.

──

"I just hope we can find our way back to being friends, someday."

"Maybe. But even if we don't, know that I still care about you, and I always will. I never... I never meant what I said, I swear. I'm not angry anymore, I'm just proud."

ESPN, APRIL 2025 Reunited Once Again | Paige Bueckers and Y/N L/N Embrace as Teammates Once Again with the LA Sparks

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↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

i almost never see art w the pigtails and its like damn. i feel like kind of look.. bald without them lol?? but maube thats just because im so used to seeing myself with them that anything else feels kind of weird. im used to it now since i almost never see anything else (opposite problems fr..) but i still cant help but feel i look TOO similar to my brother without them..! which.. i actually dont mind too much, i guess. i talk a lot about him negatively but in all honesty im actually very attached to him (as a character, rather than the guy who fucked up my life.)

i like reminding myself that everyone is their own person and will never be exactly like me because i tend to forget about it, especially with .. some stalking issues ive been facing lately where my ex has been stealing vital parts of my identity just to be petty and fuck with me. but when its not malicious, i find shared attributes quite interesting.. i still think the differences are more interesting though, because everyone is so different in even the slightest things.. like even if there are shared experiences, it affects the people differently, and i think tjats cool..

i lean very heavily into .. a lot of different things, itd take forevr to list everything too since i consider all of my traits to be significant and major aspects of me so i wouldnt want to leave anything out, but i guess to oversimplify, i really like being 'cute' and silly and shit like that. i do like more "serious" and dark aesthetics too, i think its kind of a given with me considering the majority of my sources are focused around those, but i focus much more on the lighter ones most of the time. ive made a lot of jokes about my sources vs the music i listen to because theyre a good representation of the interesting part of what im trying to get at and i find them funny. eh.. i couod put a lot of words into this but i feel like i wont be able to properly .. say the thing im trying to say, so i guess im done with this specifically for now .

🪷

Ithaqua isn't at the front at the moment but I didn't want to leave you waiting. He's fronted less and less after the drama we mentioned before but I did ask and he gave me the go ahead to reply. (Though these asks have intrigued him and he'd love to attempt fronting a little more)

I explained the contents of this ask and he trusts me understanding him well enough to know how he is.

One thing a vast majority of our system finds fascinating is exactly that. The idea of how everyone is their own person living their own lives doing the best they can to thrive and survive and even if it means that they are raised to be hostile or gentle. That everyone has experiences that shape them.

It's always been such a fascinating concept. He'd understand you wanting to separate from your brother so much, for very obvious reasons

One of the things we enjoy talking about is realism. The very reality of life even the dark topics most people find themselves uncomfortable talking about. It's amazing to us that they are even so uncomfortable with the dark truths of life. But we can't judge, there are still some topics that genuinely disturb us but they are far and few between.

- ☁️ (apologies if you'd have preferred his direct response. He needed time with Alva but he too didn't wish to leave you hanging)

[sour-n-salty-citrus]

Do you have any hopes for the season finale? I saw in another ask, you described the dynamic between rick and morty this season as "very weak, distant, and downright frankly boring" and I completely agree with you! I hope that, because this is most we'll see rick and morty interacting this season, it'll have at least a few moments of what makes their dynamic so interesting to watch.

(Ok i started airing my grievances with this season, which ended up being... long, so skip this paragraph (starting at / / /) to get to my thoughts on the finale)

Oh gosh I remember that ask (I think-). And yeah, maybe I'm being a bit overly critical. I'll probably look back on this season with retrospect, and a kinder, fonder view. Ik androgynousblackbox (think thats right) made a great point about it being the season FOR rickorty shippers. And sure, I agree on some bits, like Rick acting all pissy and partying the way you would if your ex got with someone new in the planetina ep. Overall though, i think my problem lies in that I was enjoying more individual moments than episodes themselves, especially the middle three. For example- Amortycan Grickfitti. Like, I really liked the idea of the Ship getting on a crazy adventure with Summer and Morty (and Chutback). I like the idea of a Beth-Jerry-Rick adventure. But put together, it's just kinda... meh? You know? I liked the first half of the Thanksgiving special... but it kinda dragged on after that. I get that they want to give other characters (particularly female ones) more attention, which is completely understandable and i encourage it(!) but I can't help but find it underwhelming. Like, Summer in the voltron ep was like- girl how are you STILL vying for Rick's attention! He's the worst! Haven't we done this already? (I will say though I ADORE how far Beth has come, props to her for continuing to seeing through her dad's BS. I was worried the character would relapse into a more typical s1/s2 Beth, and I'm glad she didn't). Some of these plots, funnily enough, seem more fitting of the comics (they actually had a voltron parody already). Fun and entertaining for two or three-something issues, not so much a 22 minute episode. i think most of my complaints come from the dynamic between our titular characters- ok, I know I'm very biased (I mean you can see it), but I came to the show primarily for their relationship. It doesn't even feel drama-fueled, just that they kinda... can't be arsed. I'm torn because on the one hand, they're unhealthily codependent and this separation is probably a good thing, but on the other... it doesn't feel natural? I'm not sure if that's the right word- it's like, season 4 had them practically joint at the hip, but all that's suddenly flung out the window. It just kinda feels like this "i got better things to do" vibe from both of them and its strange. The only time they both got a solo adventure (I'm classifying "solo" as an adventure where they spent a significantly large portion of time together, without the other family members) was in the sperm ep and Thanksgiving ep. And, well, in the Thanksgiving ep Morty felt like a side character in his own show, and the sperm ep... um. Yeah. I don't think it's AS bad as people were saying, but I was cringing the whole time (the second hand embarrassment for Morty was so strong I had to turn off the episode multiple times and return to it. It's just like- godammit MORTY). And I think there's good reason those two seemed to be the most disliked episodes overall. They're the ones RaM spend the most time together and it's... meh. Meh? Meh. I don't mean to say the season overall is bad (it has loads of good points, and its amazing for Smith family as a whole) just that if we're talking specifically about the dynamic between these two? Yeah, I wouldn't recommend a single episode from this season so far to use as an example of their relationship.

/ / /

There's one thing this season has been pretty good at, though. And it's showing us what happens when Rick is alone.

And that brings me to the finale.

"Who is Rick without Morty?"

Well... we already know the answer to that. Pathetic. Sad. Lonely.

This season has been phenomenal in humbling Rick. (And trust me I'm happy for it- every time someone beats the crap outta this shitty old man I'm like YES!!! IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES!). Ep 1 had his "nemesis" clearly besting him, ep 2 had Beth making constant digs (love her) and overall pointing out his extreme callousness and cruelty towards even himself(ves). Ep 3- when Morty shows interest in a girl and ditches him (like seriously it's not like he's moving out, chill) he immediately goes on a bender and develops a deep attachment to the first person he can (wearing yellow, funnily enough). Ep 4, he devotes himself to becoming an "honest man" for his new child, only for it to instantly be taken away from him. Ep 5 highlights how RICK is the asshole for making fun of and taking advantage of someone well-meaning and honest, if "simple", and how literally not cool that is. Ep 6 has his crazy rivalry with the president, and they both get smacked down a couple pegs for that. Ep 7 shows what happens when he allows himself to get carried away, and that he can end up driving everyone else away in the process (lucky they still wanted to save his ass when he needed them). And episode 8? Hooooo boy. Episode. 8. We see a direct parallel in Birdperson with Morty, and the whole "Rick and [insert] 100 years!" Rick has few people he cares about, arguably only one or two that he truly devotes himself to, but when he does, boy does he go HARD. We see younger Rick, optimistic, energetic, friendly and hopeful. And we see all of that crushed in minutes. Rick is desperate for a companion, someone to see the stars with. He needs someone there, someone he can trust and rely on to stay. Someone like Morty. So without Morty, who is Rick?

No one.

And the thing is, Morty doesn't need Rick anymore. Not like Rick needs him. In season 1, Morty was this bright-eyed kid who was new to the cosmos and the multiverse, who needed his grandpa there with him as they explored all these places together. But that's not him anymore. That's not them.

The promo has Morty using the portal gun to go somewhere w/o Rick's permission (i like to think it's boob world lol). It doesn't matter to me as much where he's going, as much as he's doing it alone. He doesn't just not need Rick there, he doesn't want him.

(Also correct me if im wrong but I've missed that sweet portal gun so much. I think the last ep was like- the first time this season we saw it).

Morty's response to Rick? "Replace me!". And wow. Wow. WOW. Morty doesn't give a FUCK! I think Rick thinks that because he's so smart, that he can offer so much, that Morty will come crawling back, and I don't think he will.

Hopes for the finale! Hmm. I mean, I definitely hope "evil" Morty makes a reappearance, haha. I think we all do tbh ;). I want to see some Morty development too, this season has been very Rick-centric (not that there's anything wrong with that!) so I wanna see what's in store for Our Boy. I really hope we get to see the Citadel again, and see the state it's in, but I doubt it. We know something super big is in store, it's just a question of what? Other hopes I have is some Summer + Beth action (please let them team up Im BEGGING) and Jerry too ahaha. I'd love if some other side characters made an appearance as well. Oh- I'm definitely expecting a dramatic cliffhanger at the end of the first half leading to the second half, with the kind of angsty music that leads into the credits (pls that shit is so good (OH WAIT imagine if it was like, for the damaged coda, but like- the chopin version or smth so it could be more subtle maybe bruhhhh)). Ok haha, maybe that's asking too much, the writers made it clear in the story train ep that they weren't gonna do that big dramatic showdown (... unless 👀). Oh, I'd also love some Premium Angst too, like someone getting kidnapped/nearly dying (like ACTUALLY nearly dying). These stakes better be so damn high I could spear a man on them! OH, also I remember androgynousblackbox (is that right? I hope it is) mentioned something along the lines that they could be driving Rick and Morty apart this season in order to have them come back together stronger than ever in an explosive finale, which, I'm strongly hoping for myself.

Thanks if you made it this far! If you have any thoughts on or hopes of your own for the finale please feel free to share! :D

[demenior]

Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons: 

I love talking about my own work and 

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and 

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories. 

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God. 

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’. 

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency. 

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics. 

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression. 

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question. 

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”. 

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish? 

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent 

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult 

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance! 

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired). 

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc. 

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years. 

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did. 

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.) 

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]

[maggotmouth]

          hillo sexthy legends !!   i’m nora and i’ll be writing margo colby n probs sm1 else bcos lets be real, i lack self-control. u can find her pinterest here n some info abt her sexy self below the cut. plot with me on discord ( hot girl midsommar#8664 ) or in my ims !!  x o x

     * CAMILA MORRONE, CIS WOMAN + SHE / HER  | you know MARGO COLBY, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, ELEVEN YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to SCRAWNY BY WALLOWS  like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole BLEACH WHITE SNEAKERS POUNDING ON A GYMNASIUM FLOOR, USING THE SAME BLUNT SCISSORS TO HACK THE SLEEVES OFF AN EXES T-SHIRT THAT YOU USE TO CUT YOUR 3AM FRINGE, A WALNUT-SHAPED ACHE IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH FOR THE PERSON YOU COULD HAVE BEEN thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 8TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nora, 25, gmt, she/her )

CLICK ANYWHERE ON THIS SENTENCE FOR SEXII GOOGLE DOC!!

bullet point summary of margo.

—   born margaret but NOBODY calls her that. its colby, coach or margo, and go to the privileged few. margo grew up in the creek commune n then dropped out of school cos of a teenage pregnancy so she was a bit of a cautionary tale back in’t’day (said tht in my yorkshire accent). she now works for summer camps coaching pee wee soccer and pee wee cheer, as well as helping out her beekeeper dad on his honey farm, which is jst north of abernathy creek, and working at scuba on the off seasons.

—  its just her and her dad, and has been for as long as she can recall !! everything she knows about her mum could fit on the back of the weathered passport photo she keeps in her wallet of a stranger who shares her face - her name’s melody, or at least tht was name she used when working as a dancer, she’s from argentina and dropped mag’s dad as soon as someone w more money came along.

—  margo’s father is a beekeeper with his own organic honey company. margo and her dad moved to irving in the early 00s, the summer between grade school and middle school, because her dad had heard about the communal living in abernathy creek and wanted to lend his skills there and live off the fatta the land in a very lenny from of mice and men kinda way.

—  for a few years of middle school margo was bullied for living with the ‘freaks from the creek’, but when they realised how chill her dad was with underage drinking, margo ‘keg-bringer’ colby soon gained popularity among the more renegade students. every so often, the high school parties would happen at her end of town, occasionally with members of the commune even offering the high schoolers a spiritual experience they’d never forget (often in the form of mushrooms) which meant people tried to stay on her good side. to get an invite to a margo colby party handed you a free pass to make up the most ridiculous shit about the commune you liked and nobody else could say anything, because they’d never been to the creek.

—  at school, margo had a lot of ‘behvioural issues’ bcos of undiagnosed adhd, she found it difficult to sit still for hours n write down huge chunks of information n her restlessness was seen as laziness. she was encouraged to do sports, as were most of the kids who weren’t that academically inclined, but she turned out to be pretty hot shit at sprinting, because she grew up surrounded by bee houses and he who runs slowest gets stung, baybeyy!! so yea, in school sports became her LIFE. she was gonna get a sports scholarship to college but ended up dropping out of school in senior year n becoming one of those kids who could have had it all but lost it.

—  she had sex with sutter at a house party when she wasnt really ready because it felt like the right thing to do at the time and everybody else was doing it. she’d attended health class, she’d seen the corny videos. she knew about all the statistics, but she also knew that it had never happened to anyone she knew and the pull out method was basically safer than the morning after pill and way less expensive.

—  a teenage pregnancy knocked her out of the runnings for prom queen and meant she had to leave school early. she didn’t go to college when her friends did, instead she spent the time interviewing potential foster candidates and eating her weight in lindt chocolate while marathoning love island in her room.  

—  she had a son, who she passed off to someone else a couple of towns away.  it was a closed adoption which seemed like the best idea at the time, but she now wishes she had access to his life.

—  after peaking in high school and jumping between jobs for a few years, she got a more permanent role at scuba which she loves with all of her heart and soul, but unfortunately a bar job doesn’t pay the rent.  

—  she works at summer camps coaching  junior soccer and netball on the side. she’s extremely competitive and takes it very personally if her team lose. the kids all call her, coach colby n write her longwinded letters about how they’ll never forget this summer camp before they go back to their suburban picket fence houses n she keeps all the letters in a drawer n takes them out to read when she’s feelin depressed.

—  enjoys surfing and worked for a number of years on resorts like mila kunis’ job in forgetting sarah marshall. she went on to work 18-hour days as a stewardess on luxury yachts which is a part of her backstory i added after watching season one of below deck because i guess i really am that fucking impressionable. met most of her surf friends doing tht but said she’d never in her life do it again bcos it was mostly just picking up after rich white ppl for shit pay. she came back to irving n thats when she started doing the summer camp jobs so she could move out of the creek n get her own apartment. 

—  she never actually finished senior year so she’s currently going to night school at the community college to get through her exams and is trying to save to go to college or open university. she wants to major in criminology. she’s super ambitious but also super adhd so she fluctuates between thinking she can achieve anything to just feeling like a failure n thinkin whats the point

—  used to shoplift to feel joy and as an act of resistance to her hippy commune routes, but now sees herself as a reformed, bin-diving freegan (sims 4 eco living can i get a hell yaaaa). also she thinks it’s totally wrong to steal when you have enough money and clearly don’t need to steal to survive, ppl risk imprisonment for basic necessities, so for her to do it for a brief thrill and some new shades felt a bit derogatory

—  was raised jewish. became a vegetarian as a child because it seemed, at the time, easier than having to explain which foods she was and wasn’t allowed to eat together, so she just cut out meat entirely. still a vegetarian now and dabbles in veganism, although its become less about not eating certain meats in the milk of their mother and more about her global impact / carbon footprint

—  nurses little animals to health in her garden. has a hedgehog name OJ short for orange juice not the other one filthy pig. her and her dad have always been huge animal rights activists and existed on a vegetarian diet. the only one in their house who isn’t vegetarian is their cat, auggie. (short 4 augustus gloop)

—  has a lot of stupid ass stick and poke tattoos. there was a phase during her years as a barmaid where she wanted to train as a tattoo artist n would mostly practice on herself or any friends who would let her

—  she doesn’t form many long lasting friendships cos she tends to be super excited when she makes a new friend and just see them all the time but then it wears off and she can ghost a bit. she’ll always coming pinging back but she’s not the most predictable or loyal friend, sometimes she’ll sleep in your house every night for a week and then you won’t even get a text from her for a month. her best friends are elderly neighbours and houseless people she meets when volunteering at the foodbank. she thinks they’re more authentic than most of the ‘fake posers’ she meets down the vela pier

—  calls herself a butch lesbian but still has sex with men when she wants validation. sexually attracted to some men, especially effeminate men, but only romantically attracted to women. very possessive of the gals in her life.

—  stopped giving a shit about getting older or adhering to anyone elses bullshit standards, realised it was all fake p much as soon as she dropped out of school and one by one her friends just stopped texting her

—  lives in one of the lofts in port apartments. it’s open plan with rugs and lava lamps everywhere. she has a palette bed. its all very ‘sustainable chic’. like, oh wow, a pallet bed that im supposed to think you made from scratch but i KNOW you got it  off ebay because you thought it looked trendy

—  constantly says shes poor but still buys clothes from urban outfitters. sus.

—  frequently found at fannies flirting with the cute bisexual bartender with a choppy black bob.

general vibe / personality

vibrant, vulgar, self-absorbed, tenacious, veers bewteen apathetic and dogmatic, temperamental, flighty, unreliable, magnetic, charismatic, passive aggressive, likes to play devil’s advocate, takes the moral high ground. estp and a leo

likes: 70s music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy, cowboy chic culture, dc comics, the smell of locker rooms,, deep red lipstick, lacrosse sticks, smoking weed from a bong, dogs, karaoke, pet rats, kate moss, late-night strolls, hawaaiian shirts worn open over a bralette, skinned knees, thai food, picking the apples at the very top of the trees, zip-lining, cigarettes, the idea of pegging but not the practical application of it, decorative lamps, LGBTQ+ pin badges, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

dislikes: girls who call other girls ‘pick me’ girls, woody allen movies, mental mathematics, wealthy children, quentin tarantino, ironing, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, ‘dump him’ feminism, wes anderson films, spoken word poetry nights, college-educated bar staff who act like they’re better than you,  indie softbois, the general mentality of cheerleading squads.

aesthetics

orange peel, the smell of bleach, skeleton drawings in the margins of a journal, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, bleach white sneakers pounding on a gymnasium floor, setting dumpsters on fire for the hell of it. a hit flask of vodka decorated with hello kitty stickers, split knuckles, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, a child in an oversize bee keepers suit, scabbed knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you,  a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

hoo boy this is getting LONG AS FUCK but here are my wanted plots

wanted plots

ok margo’s been in irving since she was like 10. she’s quite a vivacious person?? she dresses completely instinctively without any sense of cohesion so she stands out. a guy once told her she was wearing the ugliest outfit he’d ever seen and he thought that was so cool and brave of her. but anyway where was i going.. she grew up in the abernathy creek so stuck out like a sore thumb,,,, maybe ppl who were super interested in the creek or maybe poked fun at her bcos of it idk.....

b4 she dropped out, margo used 2 b in with the cool kids at school bcos her dad would buy them booze and rarely ask for the money. maybe a fun plot cld b with some of the ‘it girls’ she used to hang around with b4 she got pregnant n dropped out and they all went off to college n stopped texting her.

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! some1 she feels like she knew before irving ???

since margo literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships. fwbs. enemies with benefits. all the angst. all the slow burn mutual pining we hate each other narratives

locals who play sports. margo wld be all over community soccer n take it way too seriously. maybe ppl she plays hockey with. girls who she’s like, weirdly intimate with but its not a thing cos the other girls straight !!! what do u mean !! aha just fun !

she works part time at scuba. i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry.

she's also a surf instructor and occasionally works as a lifeguard!! gal has like 7 jobs ik but regular swimmers hmu

ppl she coaches at the gym !! she wants to be a personal trainer

i reckon she might have recently started meditating to try and calm down her mind cos its always bustling with thoughts, n i think she’s p interested in buddhism so if anyone’s a buddhist hmu

someone she’s trying to make a zine with on female empowerment and women in film and art, etc. just a very feminist zine. 

TLDR:  angry sports gay, former high school track prodigy turned drop out, who likes feminist literature, wearing leather jackets over slip dresses, and smudged red lipstick.

this was so long !!! im sorry !! if you’ve read this far have a biscuit, love x

[keepcalm-and-beyou]

Her

Summary: Running into Pete at a Party was expected with the mutual friends you have. When a simple so called secret is heard how will the night turn out between you two. 

Colson’s place was decently packed with people you know having a good time drinking, smoking, and doing some illegal things to. which uh i didn’t mind that’s for sure. I’v seen faces of friends and people i know, people i don’t fucking know and someone i didn’t know was going to be here. man Colson is an dick he should of told me she would be here. him of all bros knew her being here would be something i’d like to know. I have no clue if she even saw me or cares that i’m here when she is here to, why would she care really not like i’m her ex boyfriend. nope not hers, just her best friends.. and that how i first met her through Ariana. she was one of Ariana’s friends i got along with really well, someone i really liked maybe a little to much. but i was with Ariana and i wasn’t the type to act on the confusing infatuation i seemed to have in my head with her. like fuck come on who wouldn’t of been attracted to her, she was gorgeous, her curves were sexy as hell not the body type i tended to be seen with skinny no ass chicks. she was also smart and funny her laugh was intoxicating and i loved making her laughs with the comedy i attempted. her bright big smile could make any one smile to and her eyes always held a kindness in them to most but they could also hold fire to go with her sassy wits when needed that she used to stick up for her beliefs and the people she cared about. she is a mix of many things and all those things just made me like her more. 

“your a dick” i whisper yell into Colson’s ear where he is standing by a wall drink in hand laughing with a few people by his side. know i wasn’t meaning it to be rude it was like half you are a dick and half joking bro. 

“what did i do man” Colson chuckled looking at my annoyed facial expression. 

“could of warned a bro” is all i said while nodding over to the direction Y/N was standing. seeing her smiling while shes surrounded by people. Colson followed my gaze and nod direction. 

“Oh.. my bad” he chuckled again. 

“uh oh yah your bad dude” i reply sounding annoyed.

“i don’t see the issue man your single now who cares if you wanna get with Y/N” he says slightly louder then i liked. 

“uh still not a good idea the whole best friend thing” i shook my head while speaking

“no it wouldn’t of been a good idea to do anything with her while dating Ariana but now you can and not feel bad about it” Colson tried to reason. and then turned his attention back to people he was near clearly making his words the end of that convo.

 I thought his words over battling with my self to even talk to Y/N or act like she wasn’t here, wasn’t here looking amazing and full of life as she always was. standing against the wall in the common area looking over to her, watching as she embraced a girl friend of hers, them smiling laughing and talking into each others ears. they pulled away slightly from each others faces as it seemed their short conversation was over and i caught her eyes on my slumped figure for probably all of two seconds. and even in that short time i felt panic in my self. was she talking about me? did she magically hear what me and Colson were talking about? oh fuck.. nah its probably nothing. i’m just to stoned i’m being paranoid. 

I decided on smoking more weed and a few shots to distract my self. keeping a good distance between me and her and trying real fucking hard to stop glancing her way. Thank fuck for the liquor i been drinking making me enjoy my self and focusing as much as i can on the music and friends around me. a few of us dancing as a Kid Cudi song came on. that’s awesome love this dude. my dancing slowly came to a stop as i stupidly looked her way again but seeing eyes on me as well and a small smile on her lips. there was a split second i felt i was gonna faint at the sight her. her looking at me looking at her looking at me. air escaped my lungs and i coughed awkwardly looking away from her beautiful figure. i seriously wish i could stop looking at her. anytime i see her looking at me i freak the fuck out like why.. why you looking at me for? did i have something on my fucking face? like no oh okay then why??? 

Few more shots later and i’m sitting with Colson on a couch zoning in and out on the conversations around me. then i hear her laugh. if i can hear it she must be close, and i mean to fucking close. i look up to see her standing across from the couch only like three meter sticks away where a big chair is and shes laughing with a douche bag looking guy who’s sitting in the chair. my face crunched up and great now i get to see and hear her and some dude probably flirt. who the hell wouldn’t flirt with her right. 

After witnessing enough giggles from her lips and his hand on her body i had to leave before my bitterness came out full force at that dude. so here i am finding more liquor in the kitchen to drink. i wondered if i was being an idiot. maybe it was simple just talk to her i was freely able to i had no girl holding me back. but i keep thinking would i be an ass to go after her sense i dated her friend.. its not like i’d be the first guy the world has seen with an ex’s friend. 

“You gonna share that bottle or have it all to your self” that voice.. that giggle.. fuck me.. i turned to her my eyes bugged out my head a little surprised shes here talking to me. 

“Uh..Hi” really thats all i can come up with! uh hi yeah sure that doesnt sound like an idiot idk what does. 

“Hi” she giggled. and then silence.. great i made this awkward. of course i did yep that’s me everyone Pete Davidson the awkward dude that makes other awkward with my awkwardness powers. Mr superAwkward! my superhero name. 

“Well you seem awkward” she blurts out like no big deal. her and her bluntness. 

“uh yeah you uh can just call me uh Mr superawkward here to make every situation as awkward as can be. that’s me!” i stupidly use my awkwardness as comedy with her cuz the fuck else should i be saying right now i don’t know shit. 

“awe i miss your humour” she laughed. awe she laughed! yesss i made her laugh!

“I miss you too!” wait that sounded weird to say.. shit hold up let me remove my foot from mouth. why she looking at me like that. one raised eyebrow hand on hip and smirking. 

“oh yeah i bet” her smirk turned into a smile. i cant tell if she is joking or being sarcastic or what that meant. all i could do is take a swig of the bottle of liquor i was still holding and swallow hard in my still awkwardness. 

“there was this little bird that told me you liked me” she says no big deal all nonchalantly stepping closer to me. if i thought my big ass eyes were bugging out before then i was a dumb ass cuz now i look like Jim Carey in the mask. 

“There’s a bird here?” faking seriousness in my sweaty panic. 

“oh yeah flying around hearing things they couldn't help but chirp away telling me” Y/N smiles while talking. that’s good right that smile that’s a good one. she took another step to me, she was close as fuck few inches between us. i licked my bottom lip nervously starring down at her. “so did the little bird lie or is there truth that was told?”.

“uh that bird might have good hearing and no reason to lie most likely” I shake off some nerves by taking another swig of the liquor in my hand. the second it leaves my lips Y/N is taking it into her hand bringing it up to her sweet looking lips taking a delicate sip as she brought the bottle down to her side she slowly moved closer to me, it took me a moment to realise when her lips were on mine. Once i knew what was going on i was more than willingly to apply to what she wanted and i have wanted sense what seems like forever. 

“Glad to know Mr superawkward liked me back” she whispered so sweetly on my lips. I cant believe she liked me all this time to. thank god for being single now and following my desire. Her. 

[kingneptunesthinninghead]

How much do you weigh? what a weirdly personal question

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? sitting in the shade reading a book

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them? yes but not in a way that will ever be truly fulfilling

What’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? i live in a very rural area so i grew up with hunting for sport extremely normalized but once i actually developed and used my critical thinking skills i realized how morally reprehensible it is. literally just begging these people to use their brains.

Do you have a fairly fast or slow internet connection? eh its pretty fast

Have you ever been someplace tropical? florida lmao

Are you sensitive to caffeine? somewhat. i dont really consume it that much

How do you usually get around? driving myself

Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? no bc i’m generally pretty independent unless i reallyyyy like someone

What do you think about Kim Kardashian? neutral

Can you speak any French? je parle un peu français

Favorite yogurt flavor? i’m lactose intolerant so i recently tried dairy free yogurt and i hated it sooo i guess none

How much money do you have in your wallet right now? i dont have any cash in my wallet rn lol

What bottled water brand do you like? deer park or aquafina

Your favorite way to eat chocolate? brownies

How often do you listen to country music? sometimes.

Linkin Park or Avenged Sevenfold? neither

Last surgery you had? my wisdom teeth surgery

Have you ever played guitar? no but i wish i could

Is there someone in your life whose career/life choices you find immoral/unethical? Have you ever told that person your views? Do you find it difficult to support them (emotionally or otherwise) because of their choices? um i dont think so

What trait do you feel you lack that you wish you possessed? a little more confidence

Have you ever considered writing your memoirs? maybe

Do you find it difficult to stay invested in online relationships? i dont have very many online friends anymore but when i had a bunch i loved talking to them

Are you the type of person who pays close attention to the release dates of movies, music, etc., and will, for example, go see a movie or buy an album on the date it is released? If so, when is the last time you did so? only for something i really like.

Do you have any stickers on your laptop? a bunch

Would you rather have a job for which you had to go in early in the morning or one you had to stay late into the evening at? early in the morning so then i have the rest of the day to myself when i get off

Do you use any apps to track your health or medications? i have a workout app but that’s it.

Whose opinions/recommendations do you value most? my mom, sister, and my 2 best friends

If you could’ve been at any historical event, which would you have liked to witness firsthand? probably the women’s suffrage movement or the civil rights movement

Is there something that you really want to do but are afraid of doing? If so, why are you afraid of doing it?i want to tell him how i feel but i’m afraid i’ll ruin the friendship

What is something society “expects” you to do that you don’t want to do and/or don’t plan on doing? wear a tampon i’m sorry but i can’t do it

Have Jehovah's Witnesses ever come to your door? no

Are you well-known by people in your area? eh somewhat

Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no and i dont want to

What's your favourite type of bird? owls!!

What tv show(s) have you been watching currently? i’m watching loki, hsmtmts, planning to watch s2 of never have i ever, and i started one piece but i haven’t watched in a while

Have you ever dated a smoker? no but that might change😳

Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? no

Have you ever been a member in a band? No.

Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No.

Do you have separate emails for personal and business? i have my school email and personal email

Have you ever missed a flight? no

Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? i think so.

Have you ever taken a ride in a convertible? i literally rode in my best friend’s convertible last night lmao

Why did you last need to use a band-aid? i dont remember

What fruit do you eat most often? bananas and clementines

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? maybe my great uncle?

Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? no but i’ve been in a few on insta and twitter.

Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? i don’t straight up drink milk but i love things made with almond milk.

If you could experience life as a Disney princess for a week, which princess would you pick and why? elsa i want ice powers

When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? sometimes but normally during the day i’m in the living room with my family

If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? No.

Do you find piercings attractive? Yep.

Do you like potato chips? Loooove 'em.

What’s the most stalker-like/creepy thing you’ve ever done? If you don’t think you’ve done anything like that, what’s the most stalker-like thing someone’s done to you? i’ve looked up a few people’s houses on zillow in my day.

Do you think it’s a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it’s assault? absolutely, you shouldn’t hit anyone

What’s your favorite old Disney movie and favorite new Disney movie? my top 3 are princess and the frog, tangled, and frozen 2. i also love the little mermaid

Name something “trendy” or popular that you dislike. idrk

“Dirty talk” in the bedroom…love it, like it, don’t care, dislike it, or hate it? it depends on what it is. it should also be mixed with some loving or praise talk imo

What is/are your favorite type(s) of ethnic food, and what’s your favorite food within that type? i LOVE italian food specifically fettuccine alfredo and i also love asian food such as general tso’s, sweet and sour chicken, lo mein, shrimp fried rice, LUMPIA 🤤

How would you describe your relationship with your hair over the years? i’ve always liked my hair color and thickness. i always go back and forth between growing it out long and cutting it short bc i can never choose which i like more also it has lots of red undertones so i’m thinking about dyeing it a deep red

How do you feel about your SO daily/regularly checking up on a couple of his exes on social media? hypothetically it would be a red flag to me. a clear sign they haven’t moved on from the past

Do you prefer your guy to wear cologne or not? a good smelling cologne on a man will quite literally make me bust a nut.

Ladies, how important is it to you that your SO wears/would wear a wedding ring? i’d want them to unless it didnt fit or something

What was the turning point that led you to decide for or against having children? i’m very close with my family so i’ve always loved the idea of having one of my own with my future spouse

Is having your “dream” wedding really that important to have? i definitely have ideas for my wedding and i would want it to go a certain way according to our plan but in the end if things go wrong or plans change it wouldn’t matter as long as i’m marrying the loml.

Do you consider it cheating if your SO goes to a strip club and then doesn’t tell you? i wouldn’t consider it cheating if he was just watching but i would be angry that he hid it from me

How old is too old for trick-or-treating? i dont think it matters unless ur posing a danger to little children

Do you sleep with your arms over or under the covers? depends but mostly under

Do you own any t-shirts of your favorite band? i have nsync and harry styles shirts but thats it

Fries or onion rings? Fries.

True/False: you’ve had an odd dream this week. all the time but most of the time i forget them right after i wake up

Do you find tattoo sleeves attractive? depends

Do you like carving pumpkins? Yeah.

What’s an animal you want to have as a pet but can’t? i think raccoons are adorable but its kindaaaa hard to domesticate them

Have your parents ever caught you drinking? no bc my parents let me drink in the house and i’ve told them abt every time i’ve drank at college

How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? i would absolutely piss and shit on myself.

Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? no

The person you have a crush on is drunk and goes to kiss you, you know they don’t realize what they’re doing, but do you kiss anyways? i would stop it even if i want to bc i don’t want them to regret anything and i wouldn’t want them to kiss me if they don’t like me bc it would hurt too much.

What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? i would love them all but something abt a guy taking the time to write a poem for me makes me melt

Do you any shirts with any kind of images of food on them? no.

Which holiday is the most fun to decorate for? halloween

What was the first website you had an email account on? gmail

Have you ever written a fanfic? YES AHSHDH.

Tattoos or piercings? tats for sure.

What’s the last gross movie/show/video you saw? the scene where alexei breaks the inmate’s wrist in black widow is SO GROSS i cringe every time

Would you rather live in a huuuge house or a little cozy one? definitely a little cozy one

Do you have a tutor for anything? No.

Who’s the best kisser you know? i’ve only kissed one person.

Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No. I'd like it to stay that way.

(If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you "shortie" instead of girl? no and i hope they dont

Do you have a deep voice? not really

Do you play games with boys/girls, like 'hard to get’? no thats dumb

Is there a Sonic where you live? yes i’m a whore for sonic

What do you like on your pizza? pepperoni or sausage

[kissygrayson]

LANDSLIDE: Chapter 2 - Happy Birthday Liam

… in which Y/N and Harry fall in love at university.

series masterlist

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“Are you ready?” Amy asked entering Y/N’s bedroom. Y/N was sat at her desk in front of the mirror. Her makeup was scattered across the desk and a thousand dresses and skirts lay on her floor. 

“The party started already” Amy said noticing her best friend wasn't dressed yet, still sat in her joggers and hoodie. Y/N sighed. 

“I have nothing to wear” 

“You literally have a million dresses right here!” Amy said bending down to grab the few dresses. 

“They're ugly” Y/N muttered, turning in her seat to face her best friend. 

Amy left the room leaving Y/N confused, then returning with a white crop top and and black denim skirt. 

“Wear this, please!” she pretty much begged. Y/N took the outfit then going to try it on in her bathroom. 

“Well?” Amy questioned “Do you like it or are we going to be another 90 years?” she laughed. 

She left the bathroom, a small smile on her face. She shuffled through the boots and shoes beside her bed then chucking on her black doc Martens. 

“Is that you done?”Amy asked with a huff. She felt like she’d been waiting forever. 

“Okay I'm done, can you stop complaining for a second?” Y/N laughed. 

The girls quickly put the essentials into their bags and left their flat. They passed their neighbour Mary on the way out, she usually sat on a seat outside her flat - for no reason really, other than wanting to see the drama that usually happened across the hall between the couple that lived in the opposite flat, Josh and Beth. 

“Hi girls, you both look nice!!” she smiled sweetly, warming her hands with the cup of tea in her hand. 

“Thank you Mary, anything exciting happen tonight?” Y/N asked with a laugh, gesturing to Josh and Beths side of the hall. 

Mary laughed “No not yet, soon though im sure. You guys going anywhere exciting?” 

Amy gave Y/N a look, telling her to hurry up. They where already an hour late. 

“Going to a birthday party, we should get going though. We spent too long getting dressed” Amy said smiling. Mary nodded watching as the girls got into the elevator and left the building.

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The girls finally found the building after searching for so long. They had walked up and down the same street for 20 minutes then realising the apartment was right in front of them. They entered the building hearing loud music, knowing exactly where the party was taking place. They walked up the stairs then coming to face with Liams apartment. A few people stood outside, some smoking, some just chatting and of course a few making out. 

“Shall we just go inside?” Y/N asked Amy. Amy nodded. 

The pair stepped inside a few hundred people cramped into Liams flat, most of them dancing to post Malone who was currently playing from the speakers. They stood awkwardly to the side, Y/N’s eyes searching the crowd to see if she could spot Harry or anyone else she knew. 

“Y/N!” Harrys voice called out as she finished her short search. A smile spread across her face, Harry making his way towards the two girls.

“You guys just got here?” he asked.

“Yeah, took us forever to find the place” Y/N laughed. “This is Amy” she said introducing the blonde to Harry. 

“Harry” he said with a smile in which Amy returned. 

“You girls want a drink?” he questioned. 

“Please” Amy groaned. Both girls then following the older boy to the kitchen where a thousand bottles of alcohol and snacks sat along with a few people. Harry handed both girls a bottle of beer then getting one for himself as they made small talk. 

“So, do you both take the same classes or?” Harry asked followed by a drink of beer. 

“No, Amy’s taking art” Y/N smiled. 

“Wait” Harry paused then shouting “Yo Zayn!” 

A boy around the same age as Harry entered the kitchen, a warm smile on his face and a red cup in his hand. Amy spun on her heel to look in the direction of him noticing he was in her classes. 

“Zayn, this is Amy, she's also taking art” Harry introduced the pair, Y/N shook her head giggling when she realised what Harry was up too. Harry gave her a silly smile telling her to be quiet. 

“Amy, I recognise you!!” Zayn said pulling the blonde into a hug. 

“Please tell me you haven't did the work yet for Monday” she said with wide eyes. The class was to draw something that inspired them, Amy was yet to find that thing, leaving her homework to last minute - as usual. 

“You haven't?” he questioned. Amy shook her head. 

“Follow me Amy” Zayn laughed. Amy looked back at Y/N shrugging her shoulders, Y/N whispering for her to go. 

“Look at you playing cupid” Y/N laughed once the pair left the kitchen. 

Harry smirked “Its what I do best” 

Before Y/N could say another word Harrys phone ringing interrupted the pair. 

“Ill be right back, stay here” he said while running off to answer it. 

Y/N stood awkwardly. She didn't really know many people at the University, never mind this party, so standing alone was her only option. She gave a small smile to the girl stood beside her who just drew her a dirty look back. Typical she mumbled to herself. 

“Have you seen Liam?” A female voice said interrupting her thoughts. 

Y/N looked to her left noticing a brunette that sat behind her in her Friday class. 

“Y/N?” she questioned also noticing the familiar face. 

“Sammie right?” she asked back then offering her a drink.

“Im okay, thank you though. Just looking for Liam, I swear that boy is always disappearing” She laughed.

Y/N smiled “I wouldn't know, you're the only person I know here other than Harry”

“Harry Styles?” Sammie asked taken a back. 

“Thats the one” Y/N smiled, slightly confused. 

“Be careful Bella” Sammie said. Careful? The boy seemed harmless. 

“What?” She asked eyebrows furrowed. 

“His ex girlfriend is a literal pyscho!” She laughed. “No but seriously, they broke up a few months ago and she's bat shit crazy. So please be careful” Sammie finished giving the girl a comforting smile. 

“We aren’t dating, just friends” Y/N awkwardly said. She wasn't sure what to feel anymore. “Thanks for looking out for me though. Do you know where the bathroom is?” she questioned. 

Sammie pointed down the hallway telling her it was the door to the left, then running of to find Liam. 

Y/N made her way along the hallway, passing a few people on her way to which she gave them a small smile. She turned left seeing two doors, opening the first one her eyebrows furrowed. This certainly wasn't the bathroom, she thought to herself. 

The walls where black, a few posters and photo frames scattered the walls. A laptop sat on the desk near the window, a TV and playstation beside it. She took notice of the white picture frame to her right sat on who she assumed was Liams chest of drawers. The picture was of 5 guys, one of them being Harry and another Zayn, the other she soon recognised was Niall and the two brunettes she didn't at all, surely one was Liam though. 

“Y/N?” She heard Harrys voice call from beside her. Harry exited the bathroom that joined to whoever bedroom she was standing in, a confused expression on his face. 

“You okay?” He asked. 

“Yeah sorry, I was looking for the bathroom. I should go” She hesitantly said. Harry took a step closer to her, shutting the bedroom door. 

“Do you really wanna go back out there?” He laughed taking a seat on the double bed. She shook her head with a laugh. 

“I kinda hate parties too” Harry said with a smirk. Y/N took a seat beside him. 

“Arent you supposed to be the bad boy, Styles?” She said returning the smirk. Harry chuckled at the girl, I guess she had heard the rumours. 

“I’m really not as bad as you think” he said. 

Y/N shook her head still smiling “Sure Harry. So why’d you hate parties?” She asked. 

“Sophie is always there, I try my best to avoid her” he laughed nervously, knowing Y/N had probably been warned about her by now. 

“Sophie? Your ex?” Y/N asked confused also worried. Harry seemed nervous now, so maybe Sammie was right in saying she was crazy. 

“Yeah, she's insane” Harry laughed. “But just ignore her” He quickly said making sure the younger girl wouldn't be scared and decide not to speak to him anymore. 

“You haven't dated since her?” Y/N asked curiously.

Harry shook his head laughing “Dated? More like I haven't had a proper conversation with a girl without her evil eyes staring at me”

Y/N eyes widened in shock. Maybe this was more serious than she thought. She’d never been in a proper relationship before, sure there where little things here and there, but shed never been commited to anyone, so she wasn't quite sure how Harry was feeling right now. All she knew was that this boy seemed nervous, scared even. 

“Cmon she can’t be that bad” Y/N giggled trying to lighten up the mood. Harry raised his eyebrows shaking his head. 

“Y/N you really have no idea” he laughed. 

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.

.

The pair sat in Liams room - she soon learned it was his room, for the next hour or so, getting to know more about each other. Y/N had learned that Harry had met most of the boys in high school, some of them shared classes with him and the others he played football with. He also hated the university library, calling it fate that she happened to be there the one day he was. She knew from that day in the library that he was soon to take over his fathers company, what she didn't realise was how big a deal that was. His father owned what seemed like a thousand hotels around the world much like her cousin Ollie, most of them in the US, some in Dubai, the UK and the list went on. They where some of the fanciest hotels in the world, only the best of the best could afford to stay the night there. Y/N was shocked. 

Harry soon learned that Y/N had moved from Italy to Oxford to do nursing school. Her mother passed when she was 2 leaving her father to raise her on her own in Brighton, soon she met her step mother when they then moved to Italy and was blessed with two half siblings, Issac and Oscar. They also realised they both adored Fleetwood Mac, Harry claiming he was good at singing then promising he’d sing for her one day - he rarely sang in front of anyone, she must have been special. 

Their meeting was cut short with Y/N’s phone ringing, Amy telling her to meet her outside. Realising that it was now 2am, she waved her goodbyes to Harry, him making sure she knew he’d see her again soon. 

“So what happened with Zayn?” Y/N smirked, hooking her arm in her best friends as they both walked back towards their flat. 

“I’ll tell you everything when we get home. Now you tell me what happened with Harry?” 

.

taglist: @vinylhazza @cryinabtharvey

[pizzarollpatrol]

Fic Rec List #2 10/28/18

If any of the links don’t work, please let me know!. Just wanted to say thank you to all the authors on this list. You and all the effort you put into your fics are very much appreciated 💖

Kiss of Life by @sincerelymlg

Summary: Bucky and the reader go on a mission that quickly takes a turn for the worst. 

Flustered by @notimetoblog

Summary: It’s easy to see when Bucky is flustered. His mannerisms are beyond adorable but they might be hiding something more. --- I’m such a hoe for soft!bucky. I loved this fic, its so sweet and endearing.

Quick Stories by @notimetoblog  

Summary: Waking up early with Bucky is not always so bad. Bucky x reader.

Marry Me by @buckymorelikefuckmebarnes

Summary: Wedding day. (thats a shitty summary im so sorry) --- You thought this fics was shit but HA you are so wrong because it broke me :) Bucky x Reader

Death Do Us Part by @sgtjbuccky

Summary: For centuries, the God of Death had known two things about mortals. One, they were his job, his to collect when their days came to an end, and two, they were obnoxiously odd beings. Their purpose ceased to make sense to him. Never did he understand thy they created a life for themselves, why they loved, why they love other morals when they knew none of it would last forever. It was nothing but sheer stupidity, but that was until he met you. A mortal unlike any other. A mortal that would make him question everything. A mortal that would teach the God of Death how to live. God of Death!Bucky x Mortal!Reader. Ongoing series --- Wow. Where do I even begin? I absolutely love this series, its so different from others that I’ve read. I loved every chapter. 

A Supernatural Marvel by @angelkurenai

Summary: Imagine being transported in the Supernatural universe, with no memory of your life, where you become a hunter and fall in love with Dean. Only for a very important person from your past to come looking for you and change it all. Dean Winchester x Reader, Steve Rodgers x Reader. Ongoing series. --- This is one of my current favorite series!! You really know how to keep us on our toes, I love it!!

Take Me Higher by @buckychrist

Summary: Who knew that the way into the big broody super soldier’s heart was through his unmet need for a good cuddle? Bucky x Reader. --- If a fic has a cuddly bucky, sign me the fuck up. I loved this, its so sweet.

Educating Bucky by @buckfics

Virgin 1930′s Bucky x Reader. Smut. --- Holy fuck. This has got to be my absolute favorite smut I’ve literally ever read. I get so happy when it pops up on my dash again. There isn't a damn thing I dont love about this fic. Its so sweet and believable and I just cant stop myself from reading it.

Sincerely, Me by @buckitybarnes

Summary: Bucky Barnes is a quiet fellow when it comes to socializing with you. After one mishap, however, he finds a way to communicate his feelings without speaking so much. You’ve soon come to learn not every relationship has to be verbal to be important. Bucky x Reader. Completed series.

A Week in Boston by @blacktithe7 

Summary: It was your first vacation in years. Just one week all by yourself in the big city of Boston. No rules. No expectations. Just a list of places to go and things you wanted to see. That all changed the you run into a certain blue-eyed Boston boy who turned your world upside down. Is it really possible to fall in love with someone in just one week? Or is that kind of love just a fairytale? Chris Evens x Reader. Ongoing series. 

Stubborn Love by @barnesrogersvstheworld

Prompt: You cant live your life based on “what-ifs”. Steve Roders x Reader. --- This was so intense, I loved every word.

Date Night by @jaamesbbarnes

Summary: Heavily pregnant but very tired, you still insist to go out for your usual date night with your boyfriend. Chris Beck x Reader. --- This is one of the sweetest fics I ever read. I’ve never heard of “stardust” being used as a pet name and I swear my heart exploded when I read it.

Body Guard by @oliverwxod

Summary: Tony Stark is a very rich man and with that came a lot of enemies. After a tragic event Tony decides himself and the people most important to him, especially his daughter, are in danger. He hires personal body guards. Bucky Barnes is assigned to Y/n Stark, the most troublesome, reckless Stark that there is. Bucky x Reader. Body guard!AU. Ongoing series.--- Absolutely loved this series! So many twists and turns!

40 Days by @abaddonwithyall

Summary: Dean and you are already in an established relationship when he tempts you to give up orgasms for Lent. The only catch? Anyone and Everyone is open to trying to get you off. Let the games begin. Dean x Reader. Eventual Sam x reader, Castiel x reader, Gabriel x reader, Crowley x reader, Charlie x reader, Bela x reader, John x reader, Gadreel x reader, Lucifer x reader, Rowena x reader, Benny x reader, Jo x reader etc. Smut. Uncompleted series. (its from 2016, only the last two parts are missing but its all good) --- This is pure filth and its amazing.

Starved by @theonewiththefanfics

Summary: The Reader is a touchy-feely kind of a person and when she joins the Avengers nothing changes. Apart from the fact that Bucky Barnes is so touch starved, he craves for the soft feel of her skin against his and is over the moon when she treats him the same way she treats everybody else. Yet now day she simply stops, and he doesn't know why. Bucky x reader. Smut

You Aren't My Father by @winchesters-favorite-girl

Summary: When Sam shuts the gates of hell, Dean promised that he would take care of Sam’s little girl. However, things didn't go the way anybody suspected. After Dean settles into his apple pie life, he drifts away from his niece, who decided to take her future into her own hands. Uncle!Dean x Niece!Reader. Angst. Completed series. --- Holy crap. This is one of the best fics I've read, I read this series a long, long time ago and I’m still thinking about it.

My Turn by @sis-tafics

Summary: You and Dean are blowing off some steam. Dean x reader. Smut.

Afraid of the Flame by @thosekidswhohuntmonsters

Summary: Bucky learns from a surprising friend that you shouldn't live a life of things unsaid. Bucky x reader. 

It’s My Favorite Movie by @notnaturalanahi

Summary: Classice movie challenge. Movie prompt: “Are you not entertained?” Gladiator - 2000. Sam Winchester x reader. Smut

The Pumpkin Carver by @softlybarnes

Summary: Bucky and Y/N prepare for Halloween, when Bucky realizes something. Bucky x reader. --- I love The Florist and The Beekeeper so much, I was so happy to see you wrote another part. I loved it.

Watching by @mrsjohnsmith

Summary: Dean likes to watch. Sam x reader x Voyeur!Dean. Smut

Stepping Sideways by @siren-kitten-his

Summary: She steps sideways between worlds just watching those that live there...until Jefferson catches her eye. Jefferson (OUAT) x Fae!OC Mae. Smut. --- This is the first ever Jefferson fic I’ve read and i loved it!!

Ride by @wayward-and-worn

Summary: Sam and Y/N are in an established relationship. The milestones that had to cross to get this far go without saying. She's never been on top. Sam Winchester x Plus!Reader. Smut

All that Glitters by @moonbeambucky

Summary: Natasha found a sneaky way to get you to reveal your secret relationship. Bucky x reader. Smut. --- I LOVED this, its so clever and hilarious.

The Unimaginable by @moonbeambucky

Summary: As Bucky’s wife and mother of his child, you always worried for him when he was on a mission. This last mission will change your life forever. Bucky x reader. Angst. --- When i read the summary, I thought I had an idea about what was going to happen but it was so much worse. There were so many tears.

My Love, by @emilyevanston

Summary: Steve writes you a letter every time he goes on a mission. They usually arrive after he gets back. Steve x reader.

The Fiancé by @mycapt-ohcapt

Summary: Life takes an unexpected twist when you and Steve Rogers have to pretend to be engaged to cover up your little white lie. Steve x reader. Fake dating!AU. Completed mini series.

I Can’t Swim by @revengingbarnes

Summary: The reader pretends to drown to grab the attention of the hot lifeguard who looks after the beach. Lies don’t last long though, and eventually it backfires. Lifeguard!Bucky x reader. --- I LOVED this, its so cute and sweet. I had this goofy ass smile on my face the whole time I read it.

Sound by @bucky-barfs

Summary: You and Steve have been pining after each other for a while. Both to afraid to make a more, that is until you're stuck in a limo in heavy traffic. Steve x reader. Smut.

Crowded Places by @papi-chulo-bucky

Summary: You have a hard time warming up to Bucky, who constantly rejects you. But one day after his Winter Soldier mode is triggered, it seems there’s more to his brooding and stand off demeanor than he let’s on. Bucky x Reader/Winter Soldier x reader. --- I loved this!!! I’ve never read one like this and it turned out so sweet and weirdly endearing.

Memories and Music by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Summary: When you follow the sound of beautiful music, you find Bucky Barnes in front of the piano, and wonder if your heart might break just a little. Bucky x reader.

Three Shades of a Man by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Summary: It was different every time, what Bucky needed from you to survive himself. It was in these moments you saw the shades behind the mask he work in front of the world. Bucky x reader. Smut. Completed mini series. --- The first chapter was so intense and such a difference compared to chapel three, which I absolutely loved. It was so sweet and relieving to see their relationship like that after reading the first two chapters. I loved it.

Trepidation by @cumonbucky

Summary: Everything your world was right until Bucky’s ex girlfriend came along. Bucky x reader. Completed mini series. --- This was so good, I just had to add it to the list so we can all share a mutual annoyance at how stupid Bucky was in this fic. Like is he really that clueless or is he just that stupid??? Homegirl should of had a smack down with Dot but either way I absolutely loved this fic!

[kylorenpunk]

Do them all. Suffer as I did 😂

Bitch I told you this was our friendship. We force each other to answer all the questions. 

1. selfie

Well… I wasn’t dubbed Selfie Queen for nothing… 

This one is interesting bc I have zero makeup on. The most recent ones are too blurry. A lot of my fav selfies are full faces of makeup tho. 

2. what would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a decision for both parents but I really like the names Felicity, Isabella and Dimitri. Yes, all of them are names from various franchises I enjoyed throughout the years. Be glad I’m out of my phase where I thought Vladimir was a good name. 

3. do you miss anyone?

I miss all my friends I don’t get to see frequently. Love all of y’all and hope y’all are doing well in life! 

4. what are you looking forward to?

Fucking graduating. Jesus Christ it’s taken me five damn years. 

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

From my club it’s Chris, Yara and Josephine. Also my entire friend group from back home. Honestly I love my friends so much. 

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

I feel like every situation is different so that’s a tough question to answer. 

7. what was your life like last year?

I honestly don’t remember much from December of last year. It was a good time though. 

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I’m an emotional bitch. I’ll cry over anything. I cried over fucking Mulan the other day. 

9. who did you last see in person?

My parents and brother. Earlier in the day my club. 

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I’m shit at it. My face gives away everything. The other day my professor was going into her inspiration porn narrative and I just gave her a cold dead look the entire time. 

11. are you listening to music right now?

No but I have the Hamilton soundtrack stuck in my head right now since that’s what I was last listening to. If you haven’t heard it I highly suggest it. Man I wanna see it so badly. 

12. what is something you want right now?

Sleep but I’m trying not to throw off my sleep schedule right now and am waiting a bit before going to bed. I only got three hours of sleep last night so that’s fun. 

13. how do you feel right now?

Kinda tired. Relieved that I got two service projects in a row done today. It’s been a long weekend. 

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

My friend Sebastian hugged me when I dropped him off. I guess that counts. 

15. personality description

I’m a makeup loving nerd who enjoys sitting in pajamas watching anime and superheros as much as she enjoys swatching EVERY lipstick in Sephora. According to my friends I can’t go 5 seconds without mentioning how old I feel and my love for Dungeons and Dragons. I’m also an asshole. (Wow this sounds like a 12 year old writing this)

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Yeah tons of times. It’s bitten me in the ass. Oh well live and learn I guess? 

17. opinion on insecurities.

Everyone has them? If they say they don’t then they are lying. Mine is mainly related to my appearance or how I speak. 

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

I miss how things were in the beginning of this year. It started off strong then kinda turned into a shit show. 

19. have you ever been to New York?

No but it’s my top thing on my bucket list. My friends and I are highly considering a trip. 

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

Of all time: Get Low by Lil Jon 

Currently: “Told You So” by Little Mix (If you haven’t heard their new album I highly suggest it if you love girl groups that preach women empowerment) 

21. age and birthday?

22 - June 21st (She’s a Cancer)

22. description of crush.

I don’t have a hardcore crush right now. More like 5 second crushes that are over the second they do something I don’t like. 

Edit: Currently “celebrity?” crush is Nathan Sharp. I am seriously considering dropping $55 to see him at a convention this month. 

23. fear(s)

Heights, something terrible happening to my loved ones, wild snakes, and the usual common anxiety fears 

24. height

Five foot three inches. I’m short. Yes I know it’s not that short but tall people like to put me in the short category anyway. 

25. role model

My mom’s coworker who was my internship supervisor. She has a doctorate’s in what I want to do and is amazing at what she does. The amount of knowledge and experience that women has is incredible. She is also extremely funny and knows how to teach with a sense of humor which I appreciate. 

26. idol(s)

Celebrity idols? I don’t really idolize celebrities bc humans are humans and have flaws. 

27. things i hate

Immaturity, intolerance of differences, demeaning slurs, The Last Jedi, and the new Fantastic Beasts movie 

28. i’ll love you if…

Play with my hair, are kind to my friends and family, share common interests, show an interest in what I have to say, basically respect me and those close to me and we’re good 

29. favourite film(s)

Hairspray, High School Musical, The Greatest Showman, Stardust, The Harry Potter series, Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy

30. favourite tv show(s)

Jane the Virgin, Naruto (fuck off I hate myself too ok), the first three seasons of Arrow before it turned to shit

31. 3 random facts

I’m not artistically talented but I genuinely enjoy makeup and creating looks

I have a nonverbal brother with autism and he’s my favorite person ever

I completely programmed my brother’s communication device by myself 

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Now my friends are mainly girls but when I lived in Tampa 90% of my friends over there were guys (Hi Mason). I’m going to say that’s bc of us all playing video games in the Delta lounge (RIP Dirty D). But yeah now it’s mainly girls and 80% of my dude friends are gay. 

33. something you want to learn

Sign Language. Ice skating. Hairstyling. Fashion (I’m trying to be better about putting clothes together). Also I’m down to learn more about makeup and techniques 

34. most embarrassing moment

Either farting while doing an air guitar in front of my entire girl scout troop

or signing to my friend that I liked her friend at a party and his brother repeated what I had signed out loud in front of everyone

wait. No. When I F U C K E D  up in front a super hot guy while volunteering and then chose an 18 year old jock as my wingman. 18 year olds are dumbasses. Don’t use them as wingmen. Fuck you Khaled. 

35. favourite subject

In grade school I think it was English or History. It really all depended on the year. 

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

VISIT NEW YORK 

Hike the Smokey Mountains 

Visit Europe 

37. favourite actor/actress

Chris Evans (especially when he is trying to fight orange president on twitter) 

Also Mark Hamill is perfect 

38. favourite comedian(s)

I don’t watch comedians often. I guess the Fluffy guy? 

39. favourite sport(s)

The only time I give a shit about sports is when my university is undefeated or playing my first university in football. Or the soccer world cup if it’s on. However I appreciate the skill it takes to do a sport. 

40. favourite memory

San Antonio. It was my first time traveling without family and it was the greatest time. It was such a cool city 

41. relationship status 

Single - I take my sweet ass time 

42. favourite book(s)

Eragon (No, I haven’t finished the entire series. No, I don’t want spoilers bc I will do it eventually.) 

43. favourite song ever

“Get Low” by Lil Jon 

“Look Through My Eyes” by Phil Collins 

44. age you get mistaken for

Last year I got mistaken twice in a row within an hour for a middle schooler. I was 21 at at that time. During my internship one of the parents asked me if I had any kids. I’m either mistaken as a parent or as a 13-15 year old. There is no in between.  

45. how you found out about your idol

N/A since I don’t have an idol

46. what my last text message says

“lmao it’s alright” to Joey but the previous one is more funny “thankfully no one threw up this time” in regards to my friend’s party last night

47. turn ons

Well I aint about to talk about my sex life so let’s go with personality 

Common interests such as superheros or anime, charismatic, easy to get along with, common goals in life, cares about their loved ones, has passion, and someone I can hold an intellectual conversation with 

48. turn offs

rudeness, immaturity, inattentiveness, bad tempers, superiority complex, not being genuine, judging others, treating people like objects, and general lack of care for others or themselves

49. where i want to be right now

Back in the smokey mountains in a cabin watching movies and anime

50. favourite picture of your idol

N/A 

51. starsign

She’s an emotional Cancer

52. something i’m talented at

Apparently I’m good with kids      Makeup too I guess? 

53. 5 things that make me happy

friends, family, nerdy shit, makeup and Kakashi

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

Some shit happened last night that has me worried for some friends but I’m sure they’ll figure it out 

55. tumblr friends

A shit ton of y’all I know IRL. I won’t tag y’all bc that’s annoying af 

Joey’s my only internet friend @earthschampion (answer my text bitch) 

56. favourite food(s)

pasta, empanadas, crab rangoons, taziki sauce 

57. favourite animal(s)

Meerkats and koala bears

58. description of my best friend

K @burnitstronger: realest damn friend you will ever have. Will tell you how it is and provide never ending love and support. Never understands my dumbass shenanigans but loves me anyway. Love you boo 

J : Will also tell you how it is and forces you to watch Naruto and ruin your damn life. Will happily go with you to eat junk food after class. Will fight anyone who wrongs you and is def still plotting revenge on all my ex’s. Stans Loona

M: Will scream at you in Leo in a frightening but loving way. Has the best damn fashion sense I have ever seen. Is the friend that comes by when I need her to and brings a shit ton of snacks and love (J does this as well).

59. why i joined tumblr

I was bored on fourth of July in 2012 and my friends kept telling me that this website would be fun. Also the avengers “fandom” from back then 

60. ask me anything you want

I would say I’m sorry Mason but I enjoy making all my friends suffer. Make sure to give him a follow bc he’s cool. @masonjar828

[tamiddyinyourcity]

I was almost over the patrick situation, buuuut then i realized I've not only been so in edge lately because of some of the fuckass people at work...... but, i might be holding in certain emotions and not releasing them.

1:16am. Bad night. Need to forget.

Got my wine. And my emotions.

So.... I almost felt over Patrick. This new guy I'm talking to has been pretty fun so far, sharing r&b music tastes and whatnot. He's chill, a bit older than the people I usually prefer to date. (As if I haven't been with legitimate boomers....)

It's only a ten year age difference. And between the new guy and any exes ive had, then only eight years or so apart. Not a huge difference, thank god.

And I had this like... empty feeling, lately.

Not like an empty, "i am darkness, i feel nothing" sort of angst that i felt the previous weeks. Yes, edgy.

More of a, "I care, to an extent, but what is the point?", numbness.

Like I've officially stopped seeing him through rose colored glasses.

Once the lust somewhat subsided today, (slightly..... slightly,) then the rest was just.... "What did I like about him? Do I feel anything towards him at all by now? Why do i feel so numb to any sort of emotions relating to him?"

It could be that I haven't seen him for a week and a half. And since he accused me of whatever the fuck he accused me of when he was high, I lost an interest in trying to get common sense out of someone who responded to anything I said like a brick wall.

I just.... lost interest.

My period came and went. It's hard to focus on your unreciprocated feelings for your ex, when you're too busy spending an hour at a time, trying to forcibly remove a stuck diva cup from inside of you. (Sometimes more than just an hour.... it was a mess. Periods are a sin.)

And then I eventually decided to get laundry done, remove a bunch of garbage from my hoarder-esque looking bedroom.... I felt good.

Spent money on a bunch of sundresses to wear, now that the sun is out, and I wanted to feel flirty again.... So I did.

I bought trader joes non msg fried rice, hella wine, and more.

And i felt.... good. Confident. Kind of proud of myself. And just happy to be figuring out how it feels to love myself again, to the point of not desiring someone else for the sake of validation or a decent time.

.......

Somethings still a little off.

I guess, I'm sad at the idea of losing feelings for someone I genuinely felt for. I hated that concept. He always told me that he would need to be at the point where at least 3 months had passed, for him to 100% lose feelings for me, and forget our past.

But, that really sucks, my dude. I'm tearing up, not gonna lie.

Since of course if for months, I think, "God, this boy is gorgeous. Literally amazing. I hope things end well between us, and that we don't lose touch...."

It feels like total shit, if things end like total shit.

I never wanted to break up with him in the first place, is what makes it suck most. Imagine if the night never had to be cut short by us arguing near the lake. Or the altercation in the McDonald's parking lot. Or most recently, if he just told me how he felt. Those are things I wish went differently, but its out of my hands right now.

And maybe last Friday, I thought, "What a fucking piece of shit, i hate this prick."

But, I don't anymore.

And maybe last Wednesday, I thought, "He deserves an apology for how badly the last time I saw him went. I should make another letter, but still not linger."

........

Now, I'm indifferent. Indifference is a terrible thing to feel for a person. Since with hatred, you still care somewhat about a person. Even if its, "God, youre such a fucking dick", you still feel a sort of passion towards the person.

But indifference is when you no longer care about a person at all anymore.

Like how I feel indifferent to Marco. I don't hate him enough to keep him out of my life, but I don't like him enough to let him in by choice. He comes, he cums, he goes. Or, thats how it used to go. Usually with a trail of broken promises and lovebombing for the sake of manipulation. Which made me loathe him further.

But now, I pity him. It's his millionth time going back to his toxic ex. And millionth time trying to cheat on her. I find him sad. The way he will spam me with tons and tons of messages about desiring me, but, still being quick to toss me aside, sexually or non sexually.... He lies and gets the hopes up for no reason.

If Marco fell on train tracks and needed my help to get him off the tracks before the train makes him roadkill, I wouldn't laugh at him. Nor help him. I would just calmly walk away. If he survives, cool. If not, dont care.

Indifference is.... not a fun emotion to have towards someone you had feelings for.

....

I guess if Patrick were in the situation, I'd help him up.

So, its not truly indifference. Its just.... losing hope for us. I doubt I cross his mind by now, he's always seemed to be better at the whole "leaving a relationship and still having your hobbies and friendships intact" thing that i hadnt excelled at previously before.....

I don't hate him, you know? And I did want to apologize, or get my emotions out in a positive, and healthy manner. I don't like going down the route of violence, and would probably flip shit if someone ever hurt him. So, yknow, i should probably follow my own standards of how i think he deserves good treatment.....

But, i dont know if I could handle face to face.

Would i try to kiss him? Would i get attached, or be repulsed? What if i felt absolutely nothing? What if he feels nothing? Or feels something?

Would just giving him a letter on his porch instead of trying to see his disappointed face again be satisfying? I dont know.

And of course, which is better....

Leaving him alone and forcing myself into other things

Telling the man, who is not your man, yet again how you feel just to embarrass yourself some more.

I've had too much wine, and a long night. Yime to fickig sleepem

[wanderingsatanist]

SAME AS BEFORE

its too windy outside, too windy to smoke a cigarette. i wonder if that’s going to stop me? 

im finishing my bottle of wine, and thats a pretty melancholic moment if im being honest. its sad to know that, for the moment, ill have no other source of relief. the weed has been smoke, the liquor drank. 

for the moment, i am suspended in the midpoint between fantasy and reality. i see the world, but i cant experience it. i can recognize faces, feel the wind as it blows on my arm. but none of it feels real. as my brain is trying to recover from the constant shades of abuse i subject it to, my body is left completely idle. its almost like im still high even though it should have worn off days ago. 

do i want to stop? its a question i ask myself every day, for years now, and i still cant formulate a proper answer. i dont know if i want to. i cant take my poison in moderation, thats outside of who i am. when i start flying i want to make it all the way to the moon. i have little self-control, it seems. 

so, that either means i continue how ive been for the last few months, or i stop. stopping never lasts, i know this from past experiences, but even the initial STOP can be a grueling, and sometimes unrealistic, expectation. to not get high when you first wake up, ignore the drink after work. its a change of habit, and i cant believe people can live their lives without this dilemma. how is it so addiction doesnt rule their lives? how is it that they dont need to drink when they hang out with friends, or smoke during a get together? meeting with someone doesnt automatically mean youre out to get high. im just- what? that was an ingrained part of any social interaction since i was fourteen, and the fact that some people dont experience the same pressure or the same dependency is just...really mind boggling to me. 

i live in a community where having a dutch is common greetings. “im upset.” “have you gotten high?” “i wanna have fun tonight.” “should i bring the liq?” 

it attacked my family, my friends, everyone i know and come to know. but, as i grow older and explore more of the world, i realize that my area is not so different from the rest of the world. as i said in a previous post, were all more than desperate to numb ourselves out of the real world. to die without the death, the permanency. 

i think of who i wouldve been if i never got started. the power, intelligence, wisdom...all wasted, and for what? i started before i realized the consequence, and by the time i came to recognize them i was already too far in deep. i think of the people who stay sober despite everything else--peer pressure because that shit is real and family genetics and how everyone in the world and on tv and social media seem to live to get fucked up--are some of the most powerful in the world. they dont have this fucking chip on their shoulder, all of what they create, whether that be music or art or writing, doesnt have to have the influence of the fucking devil on their side. because thats what this is, right? the devil? it seems so great at first, enticing, a home away from home, until it comes crashing and you realize you have a tab you couldnt possibly pay. all of the fun of getting lit and downing shots and smoking loud doesnt come without a price, and for some that price is fucking steep. 

i went to aa before, when the dependence on alcohol was fairly new but still my family were painfully aware. it was in a community center that they closed for the night, and bed sheets and pillow cases covered the windows. not in a skeezy basement, and there was no circle of chairs and weeping people, a little podium up front with an ex-addict like they do in the movies. the chairs were all aligned and pointed forward, like students during an assembly. there was the ex-addict host, and she sat before us like a god on their throne, handing out chips to those who made it twenty-four hours. a week. a month. six months. a year. 

when people had stories to share, theyd stand and everyone would be forced to look. well, not forced. youd think social pressure would be enough to glance at the speaker but for a few people it isnt. i remember getting pissed when i looked over and saw a woman fucking knitting. can you believe that? someone is telling their most sensitive secrets, most shameful side of themselves, and shes fucking knitting like shes being forced to come and doesnt give even the slightest bit of a fuck about anyone outside of her little, insignificant world. i thought it was completely disrespectful. 

this post is getting long, and my wine is officially finished. i have nothing else keeping me from my demons now, haha. how fun. oh well. im going to take a bath and try to not slit my wrist. 

until next time...

[marshmallowsims]

All for Feyre xo

Thank youuuuuuu :3 

1. Are looks important in a relationship? “I think in the beginning yeah, cause that’s what you notice first. But from there I don’t think it matters so much” 

2. Are relationships ever worth it? “Yes” 

3. Are you a virgin? “Nope” 

4. Are you in a relationship? “I’m not quite sure on that one yet” 

5. Are you in love? “uhm no.. I don’t think so” 

6. Are you single this year? “Sort of” 

7. Can you commit to one person? “Yeah, its not really a relationship otherwise” 

8. Describe your crush “tall, nice hair, is in a band. Really cute” 

9. Describe your perfect mate “Hey, if they’re not an asshole then they’re pretty damn perfect in my book” 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? “hmm, kinda 50/50 with that one” 

11. Do you ever want to get married? “Of course!”

12. Do you forgive betrayal? “Never” 

13. Do you get jealous easily? “Nah, it takes a lot to make me jealous”

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? “maybe more than a crush but yeah”

15. Do you have any piercings? “a nose piercing, got my ears pierced too. And I’m getting a belly button piercing soon” 

16. Do you have any tattoos? “a shit ton” 

17. Do you like kissing in public? “Not really. I’m not too fond of that whole pda thing. Kisses fine but no making out” 

20. Do you shower every day? “Yes I do” 

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? “possibly” 

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? “No clue” 

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? “Yes I can” 

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? “5 years is a little soon isn’t it?” 

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? “Yes I do” 

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? “yeah...” 

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? “Not yet!” 

28. Have you ever been cheated on? “Yup, it sucks ass” 

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? “Never have. Never will”

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? “When I was younger I wanted to fix my nose.. but not anymore. I like my body” 

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? “I have” 

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? “Yeah” 

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? “YeS” 

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? “oh yeah” 

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? “Everyone I've ever kissed has been older than me, so yup” 

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? “No” 

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? “I believe I have” 

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? “Yes” 

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? “Yes” 

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? “Nah, I’m not the best in the compartment” 

41. Have you had sex so far this year? “I have” 

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? “Huh, I haven’t really tested that out yet” 

43. How long was your longest relationship? “2 years” 

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? “About 4″ 

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011? “I have no idea” 

46. How many times did you have sex last year? “I don’t think I had any tbh” 

47. How old are you? “22” 

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? “I’d be accepting of that. I mean they like someone else, they like em. Can’t really change that” 

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? “Their smile” 

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? “fuck no” 

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? “Hmm, I’ll have to come back to this one” 

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? “yes, and its a long story” 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? “I don’t think so?” 

54. Is there someone you will never forget? “Unfortunately, yes” 

55. Share a relationship story. “I don’t really have any good ones, but though when I was 15 I was trying to impress a boy, however he kept walking over to the pond where these scary ass ducks were so I didn’t walk to him until one of them decided to fly out the water and he turned around and ran right into me. So that was pretty funny, we spent the rest of the night talking about ducks and scary stories” 

56. State 8 facts about your body “lots of tattoos, pretty boobs, long fingers, my legs are pretty long too... I can’t think of anything else right now xD” 

57. Things you want to say to an ex “just a big ole fuck you” 

58. What are five ways to win your heart? “make me laugh, pay attention to what I like, go on drives with me, have a good music taste, enjoy cuddling” 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) “brown hair, brown eyes, small button-ish nose...” 

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? “About 5 years” 

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? “Their hair, I don’t know. I have a obsession with hair” 

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? “I have no idea haha” 

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? “Lmao, idk. The same as everyone?” 

64. What is your definition of cheating? “when you start hiding your texts from your partner” 

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? “I don’t really have a favorite. Its good to mix it up” 

66. What is your favourite roleplay? “never really done that...” 

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? “I’m a sucker for cheesy candlelight dinners” 

68. What is your sexual orientation? “bi-sexual” 

69. What turns you off? “bad smells lol” 

70. What turns you on? “jawlines, like just damn” 

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? “I’d rather not share that” 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? “do moans count?” 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? “Take me to Disney land” 

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? “confidence? is that superficial...” 

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? “made me breakfast in bed and took me to build a bear lol” 

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? “I’m an awful human and have yet to have done something that can be classified as the ‘sweetest’” 

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? “I don’t see the big deal, unless its more than 6 years... then its strange” 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? “It wouldn’t be a secret if I shared it now would it?” 

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? “Couple years ago, cause I was immature and thought people were property” 

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? “Does my mom count?” 

81. Who are five people you find attractive? “Thats a secret too” 

82. Who is the last person you hugged? “Pity me and the fact that I haven’t hugged anyone in a week”  

83. Who was your first kiss with? “Ah, his name was Rick and I was 13″ 

84. Why did your last relationship fail? “personal reasons” 

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? “Yes” 

[have-some-mercy]

Broken Pieces CH.2 Junkrat X CisFem Reader

Part 1 found HERE

Warning! Cussing, Steamy teases, Fluff,  bad relationship mentions, bad self esteem, anxiety.

I got your other messages, no worries. Sorry for the wait with this chapper. I promise more is to come!

NSFW will come soon! Don’t worry! Just trying to hit all your specifics. I hope this helps! If you need to talk to someone my messages are always open! I hope your ok!

Junkrat’s speech will be in Bold

Hana (D. Va) will be italics

Your own is the normal text.

Tonight was a first among many. Pushing your work aside the two of you just relaxed in each others arms. “Ya know darl, this’ll be the first time i hear ya lettin work slip between.” Chuckling slightly you hum in affirmation. Enjoying his hand thumbing your back. Unintentional massaging you. Hearing another chuckle he spoke playfully. “Lettin anythin else ‘slip’ between tonight?” Adding a cheesy wiggle of his bushy brows.The thought had you blushing like mad, hiding your face against his chest.

“take a girl on a date first!”

The act had him recoiling with a laugh. The one you always loved to hear, regardless of how crazy it was. Then again you do love the mad Junker so who know’s you must be too!

“‘m only Joking darl’!” words spoken through fits of laughter. Catching your chin with his prosthetic. Thumb rubbing your bottom lip as he pulled you to look up at him.

“What? Think I’d be that shameless after what ya been through?!“ Before you could reply he was poking your sides.Your self flustering to grab his hands but he wasn’t about to let you stop him. Not yet at least. You bit your lip, choking back giggles but his determination was winning.

He loved seeing your beautiful smile, and your cute adorable laugh was always to much for his heart. After a few he was reminded of it all. Even getting you to where you squeak through the fits. The one you hated but man was it music to his ears. Yet enjoying the sound was short lived as you fought back, tickling his sides. The two of you were now a laughing poking mess. Trying to stop each other wail demanding one say Uncle. It didn’t take long for Rat to win. where you had patience he had stamina! You couldn’t even recall how you shouted the word but you did and were so thankful.

Exhausted and defeated you flopped back. Being reminded very quick that the two of you were still on the desk chair. A flurry of colorful words and many misplaced limbs you both fell on the floor, Rat on top from trying so desperately to catch you. The chair crashing somewhere behind.  “ah.. i’m sorry-”

When stuff like this happens your previous partner would always get so pissed. Expecting the same reaction you winced and waited to get yelled at. Yet instead of shouting something else echoed. High pitched laughter that bounced off the walls. It doing well in snapping you out of that state. wide eyed you stared, slightly confused. “Hooley Dooley that was somethin’! Gave me a run fer me money there! But ‘ol Fawkes still won!” with that be booped your snoot. A soot mark now apparent at the tip of your nose. You blinked at him, still waiting for a change but soon it dawned on you.

This is Jamison Junkrat Fawkes.. He’s never yelled at me for something like that before.

His smile beamed till he noticed your look. Pouting the man soon sat up, essential straddling you. Arms raised as Rat now grinned evilly. “Do ah gotta start this war all over again? ”

With that you giggled, sighing in relief as that silent confirmation to your worry was done.

Yeah, he really is too perfect. In a weird, cute, explosive way.

“No no, I give remember?”

“Hah! Thats right! I win!! I WIN! ….Um…what do i win?”

You couldn’t help but giggle again. This man had a way of making you remember happiness. Hell-he is happiness for me.

“This” quickly you rose and gave him a kiss. It was soft and warm. Jamison soon touching where ya did it. smiling like a loon . “m’a have to win more often!”

After all the fuss you both decided to head to the nearest room. Yours of course, You were expecting him to say goodbye but he flopped himself on your bed. Moaning slightly at how much more comfortable it was.

“Always did luv your bed..”

Giggling you went to get some pj’s. Grabbing what ever was close. .”Oh I know. Remember the first day I got it you stole it? ” His laugh was muffled from the bed till you see his head lift. “Hah! Yeah that was a funny day! You were absolutely spewin! I swear you were bout ready to ‘ave me killed! What was this thing again? Therapeutic or Memory foam? Always forget when I come here! Then again I usually don’t go in your room. “ Playfully speaking in a high pitched voice-trying to mimic you. “Oh Junkrat you sexy stud, Alass if you touch my douvet ah swear you’d better Shower!- But love, deary, sweaty, Angel!- I can always just steal ya a new one! But nooooo! your a goody goody and just go,  Oh you beast you shant! That be a crime against crimes! Keep up such filthy suggestions an I’ll down right spank you!” Right away he laughed like mad. Smooshed his face back against the bed. You shook your head at his silliness. “Never knew I was British Jamie-  Neither did I!- Do i have to be prepared  Since your into spanking”

“Hey- wait- m’jus jokin but if your into it I think we can arrange something long as we reverse who gets it!”

The man just chuckled now, grinning to you with catching your tinted cheeks.

“Back to your earlier question-” He jolted up with a grin all to eager. “OF THE BED.- AAuuuggh!!- Its both actually. “

“fiineee don admit it! Just gona find out me self then! Makin me be patient! Tis a crime against crimes!”

“aww.. i’m sorry.-’M only jokin don’t worry darl. I hate waitin but it ain’t gona kill me!.. much. Side’s if it makes ya happy I Guueesss i gotta. ”Giggling he soon watched you with a smile. Sticking his tongue out playfully.

This man was too much! Too much blushing in one day you were sure a spectrum of values could have been used with them all. You were not exactly hell bent on waiting when it came to Jamison and being In bed- for more then sleeping.You’ve known Jamison for a while. Years in fact! During the time you both became friends fast. Loving his work, his humor, hell thinking about it you were unsure how early you fell for the pyromaniac. As of now you commended his patience, he was being thoughtful. However he was a good flirt, or at least in your eyes. The fact being new as before he would joke about it being with a random but now its solely directed to you. You were not used to being flirted with at all, even with your ex and their lovers, no one made you this nervous in a good way. The whole butterfly’s and 9 yards.   Admittedly you would love if he’d try but unlike most you knew it be best to wait. It was just the first day and you wanted to settle things with your ex first. Good thing you knew how to hide how needy you are.

“Your too sweet Jamie. “

“Hey I am a hardened criminal! I can always steal your bed again! Next time you jus wont get it back!”

Soft smile you nodded. “Okay Okay Jamie. Still am glad I convinced Roadie to help! Pshh and you thought I couldn’t bake remember? ” All you got in response was a strained “Yeah.. lost that bet real fast.”

Going to your private bathroom you came back ready for bed. Cloths tossed in your hamper. It wasn’t the first time the two of you shared a bed. Always innocent as you feared ruining a perfect Friendship. Jamie thinking the same. Normally you would get upset when Jamison got soot on your stuff but tonight was an exception for many things. Crawling on the bed you soon found yourself nestled against him. He took off his prosthetics wail you changed. Now wrapped his arm around you. Leg tangled with yours.

“Speakin of cookin, ya gotta make those french cookies again. The fancy dolled up ones. Macaroons right? ”

Hand over his you nuzzled his throat.

“Mm.. French Macaroons. ”

“Yeah! Those-now those.. Nnnnn.. Shit hits the spot!!!”

Emphasizing such as he nuzzled the top of your head. Pausing before putting a pillow between you two. You looked at him confused but he smiled it off. Your self back to nuzzling his neck. Unaware of why the pillow and how your nuzzling is not helping what so ever. Before the two of you just slept with some distance but now there was no need for it. Before you both knocked out, Rat in his now groggy state played with your hair. Humming as you did the same. It was an awkward position but comforting.

“Hmm… Macaroons..”

“Still on about then Jamie? I can make some in the morning?“

”No-Yes-kind of- but no. I mean…“

You knew something was eating him but you were a very patient person. Nosing his chin as he thought. ”.. I know this place, they be pretty good on junker food.“

"Junkfood?”

“Same thing we aint healthy fuckers-but i was thinkin.. Wana go in the morn? Assuming miss night owl here wakes on time?”

You found your self blushing, you’ve been out with Rat before but this time it would be different. Trying to confide your smile the nod was felt. Your hair tickling his chin. “Hey I can be an early riser! But yesh.. It be nice to go out.. There.. With you”

He couldn’t help but giggle along, the two of you now giddy sleep deprived agents who started kicking the blanket eagerly like the weirdo’s you were. His stump occasionally knocking your knee but neither of you cared. It didn’t hurt much and the prospect of a date had you both blushing like school girls.

That night the base was quiet, no tinkering from rat, no bombs going off due to failed experimentation, and Jamison actually slept a full night. Only waking briefly when he heard someone open the door at night. It was Roadhog, checking where he was. Seemed the sight surprised him for Rat chuckled at him. Or, what would seem like his normal expressionless mask to others but Jamison had a way with reading people. Quick Thumbs up and the tank was out the door. Closing it softly.

That morning Jamison woke first. The unfamiliar surrounding had him on alert, at least until he felt you tug the remnants of his right arm. You held it against your chest. Legs kept his right between yours. Keeping him close like a pillow. This had him squeak in surprise. Not used to others handle it. It still often reminded him he needed “bot parts” and growing up in Junkertown, that was never a good thing. Could get a target on your back more then others. Then again you never shy’d when seing him with out prosthetics, it only being before bed, when he went to bed. “Your still Jamison Fawkes” he remembers you saying. “It doesn’t make you any less human.” You often reminded. “Your not alone, i’ll always be here to help.” The one he loved the most.

"You could always heal me wounds sheila.”

With his left he moved some stray hair that covered your face. When the stands tickled your cheek you reflexively drew his stump closer. keeping a tighter grip. His upper arm of his right slowly started to numb. He wanted to pull away but suddenly much more then your strength kept him glued.

“Nnn who am i to wake a sleepin beaut.”

Words being true but the truth was much more.. Simple. He’s a man, and you kept his arm between your breasts, and right now gave him the most perfect view and feeling of em. He wished your shirt would allow more to peek but he wasn’t about to make it happen.

“Nnn…Jamie.”

But that was going to fade fast if he just heard what he thought he did. Eyes wide the man wail watching your lips. Unknowingly moving closer.

“… Jamie? you here?”

You cracked an eye open, meeting his closer then expected. The immediate pout on his face startled you but upon getting up his brows rose quick. “Whah? What?… Did i oversleep?”

All he replied with was a long whistle of appreciation. “Wishes do come true~”

As you looked back you noted the shit eating grin as his lowerd blushing gaze was unwavering. Following you yelped. Covering your now exposed chest.

“J-jamison?!”

“Whoah wait a tick-You did that your self-an might I add there grade D! Double D to be exact!!”

Blushing you took the nearest pillow and shoved it on his face. He tried peeking again. “They be sooo perfect that me hearts about to stop!Just like the rest of her be!” Playfully muffling him you added another, Rat jokingly acting as if hes being suffocated. “If ya must suffocate me use the all natural pillows! ” You blushed more wail fixing your shirt.  "They are not double d’s!“ He wail blind pinched your cheek. "They still are the best cuz they belong to the best girl ever!” You couldn’t help but bury your face against the very pillows your using. He laughed at every second, knowing full well your already flustered. “S-shudup you!!”

“Oh beautiful maiden.. If ya see my pig..  Tell him.. Tell him… To fuck off!” Giggling once more before he went limp dramatically. “Bleeehh.. dead”

After a few seconds you lifted them. Catching him quickly stick his tongue out to emphasize “carked..”You found a smile on your face again. “You really are a silly rat. "As you got up he peeked to you. Grinning once more. "Dead cuz me girl got grade A cans!” Turning you threw one more pillow. It bounced off his smug grin. Your self now shuffling through the closet for what to wear.

“Oh my gosh enough with my tits, Why you so rude to the hoggo?”

Hearing cracks as he stretched the man was now donning his prostethics. “Ah you know m’ jus piss fartin 'round. He’s a good bloke-hell he’s me best mate! ”

“Oh! ”

“Yupperino!”

“Just one question..”

“Yeah?”

“Um..  Whats piss farting?”

Hollering a laugh he waggled a finger. “Finally know a language you don’t! ”

Tilting your head he chuckled. “Just slang love. Was just fuckin around”

“Oh! But still i’d like to know-”

“ no i mean- its like Fuckin around. You know? I was jokin.”

“Oooohhhh!!!!!! ”

Noticing how concentrated you looked he fawned. “Aww look it me lovey bein so eager to learn! Did ya get a learn?”

Giggling you nodded. Cloths now being set on the bed. “I got such a learn. Much wow.”

“You and that dog i swear!”

“Hey they are still cute!”

“The memes dead! Carked it since what? Early 2000’s?!”

Puffing your cheeks you waited for Jamie.

Once he made sure his leg and arm was on right the tall blond jumped up. Stretching once more. “Alright! Gona get me a fresh coat a cloths 'n meet ya out front. Needa wash first. ”

“Alright Jamie, if anything have hog text me! ”

The word got him remembering something. “Text!! Your phone!! ” face immediately turning sour. “That fuckin bastard! ” before you could question it he scooped you up. Holding you close with a protective growl. “I know your not one for leavin things halfassed.. So when you tell the fucker you make sure I’m right there. If they try anythin. ANYTHIN!!!-I’ll make sure its the last fuckin thing they do!”  Wicked chuckled as he emphasized. “If they get the chance!-want me to just take care of em instead?”

Setting you on the bed he looked eager, all fired up already. “Oh it be a ball!!”

Nose to nose the man was to excited. “5 to be exact! Only takes 1 but extra never hurt!” Backing up as he held an invisible frag launcher. “Oh it'l have explosive results!!!” Acting on his own already you had to jump off and out the room to catch him. Hugging his back, he grimaced. Though your embrace was always wanted be knew full well what you intended. “Please? I got this okay? ” Letting go you peeked at him. Smile contagious for he found him self doing the same. “I’m a big girl, I can dress my self an anything remember?”

“Hmm.. But this morning your shirt–”

Poking his arm as you blushed again. “S-SHHHH THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!”

Snickering he spoke proudly. “For once I’m not the loud one in the hall!”

“JAMISON!”

“Aawww and here I thought i’d have to be in bed with ya to hear you shout my name-”

Quickly you pushed him to down the hall. “You were already in bed with me– wait!-OH MY GAWD GO SHOWER YOU PERVY RAT!”

“HAHA! Can’t help but be YOUR dirty rat now babe!”

Before you could react he turned fast. Pinning you against the wall. The contact echoed in the hall. Heart racing you stood. Frozen as amber eyes stared hungrily to yours. “Fine. I’ll let ya do it.. But just remember what ah said. Cuz if he hurts ya.. ” Inching closer he closed the gap with a rough kiss. Quick and sloppy.  "There be hell to pay.“ You gulped and nodded. Blushing as he stood nose to nose. “w-what brought this on?” A grin soon formed and his lips were back on yours. Just as rough as before. You held back a moan,much to his annoyance. He never liked if one hid such and you were no exception. Especially now that he finally found the one he really wants. That he’d trust with his heart in an actual relationship. Wanting to hear you moan he bit your lower lip. Slight blood which he was quick to lick away. Your small gasp made way for him to slide his tongue in your mouth, gliding it across your teeth briefly before dominating your tongue. As your breath hitched he growled for more. Lifting you knowing you’d yelp. On instinct your legs wrapped tightly around him. You shuddered at feeling his erection already prominent and grinding against you. Using the wall to press himself harder. You were lost in how good this felt. How much you needed this, its been so long and even longer that you’ve wished it be with Jamison. You don’t even remember feeling this loved. However with public display there’s always a draw back. The sound of footsteps brought you both back to reality.

As promising as it was you had to stop.. For now. He knew it too. Panting as the two of you parted. String of saliva dropped soon after.

Relationships among other agents are forbidden. The only reason why yours with your ex was successful is due to the fact it was technically before you enter Overwatch. Having gotten together the night before officially moving in to be exact. Even then there was much to be discussed and many didn’t like it, even now. Its a big deal that many would often talk to you about. Even after all the years you’ve been there it was still a much discussed thing. Come to think of it, there were few even among your friends who wouldn’t comment on it.

Heaving a sigh Junkrat set you down. Trying to calm himself but having to soon turn to adjust a very apparent tent. Your self left blushing at the fact you could do that to him.

As the steps drew closer you were happy to see Hana(D.va). She was one of your good friends. You trusted her with many secrets and she did for you as well.

"Aaayyy!!”

Seeing as Jamison was with you she waved. “Aaayy!!! 2 of my best friendos!”

“Aww killer, always with your perfect timing!”

Though his voice was happy you could feel the slight annoyance. Silently you reminding him she is innocent.

“Pfft-like i’d be interrupting anything- so whats up?”

“Actually!-” “Oo D.va! You can help me get dressed! Lets go! ”

Jamison was surprised but shrugged. Resting his hand on his hip. “I mean i could always help but–”

Flustering you bolted up.

“J-Jamie go shower! ”

Grinning he looked between you and Hana.

“Hey she’s gona find out sooner or later!”

You expected Hana to retort like she did earlier but instead she ran up to Jamison. The man standing smugly.

“Wait did you finally tell her?!”

Prominent nod from the Junker you were left confused.

“Eeee! What did she say?! ” Turning to you Hana shook your shoulders. “What did you say?!”

You giggled at this. “Woah woah! Wait whats going on?!”

Junkrat rolled a hand as he spoke sheepishly. “She maaaaaaaaaaay 'ave known 'bout my feelins for you”

Hana just turned, her time to be smug.

“Oh please Jamison- EVERYONE knew!”

“Wha!-Wait just a!- NO THEY DIDN’T?!!”

Hana nodded  with an exaggerated eye. “Yes.. Yes they did. Why do you think Y/N’s S/O doesn’t like you?”

You knew this part but were oblivious they did too.

“Dunno. Cuz the’re an abusive cheating ass?? Never liked them much either”

“Yeah that’s something we could agree on”

“T-They weren’t abusive.. Just-”

Looking back at the two who just stared sternly. Leaving you to twiddle your thumbs. “I mean.. I was never hit..”

“Abuse ain’t just hittin’ darl.”

”Yeah and I know you know better! Besides i don’t know if anyone likes then at all anymore..“

"Wait whah?!?! Why?”

Both defenders looked at you. As if you should already know. After some moments passed, the two exchanged looks then Hana spoke first.

“Ok.. I’ve been nice because 1. I love you-Hana?-Oh calm your tits you! Not like that! -Better not-Please if i did shed be mine already.-BITCH YOU WISH!”-No offence y/n but no, no I don’t. That’s rats job!.”

“Damm straight– hey wait.. are you insulting me?”

You blinked as the girl waved. Showing shes only joking. “Anyways, we all tried being nice to him- all?-MOST OF US! Because we care about you! Plus like-it have to be you who really realizes it and stuff..We could tell you everything we see but it just make you hide it more instead of actually solve it. You see this online all the time. People fight- one cheats- they break up. But then like-the one who was hurt still gets back with them. Even if we all support them!–and before either of you get me-yeah! I know its hard and all that but- its not right. How *YourNowExsName* treated you isn’t right! -”

You waved a hand to calm her. Smiling apologetically. “Ah.. I know.. And i’m sorry–”

“Why the hell are you sorry? It’s that shit heads fault!”

“It’s both our fault actually..I let it happen and get like this..but I just felt like there wasn’t any other way. That maybe they could change and that it all get better some how..”

“Oh-Ho-ho! No th–”

“Look- you did your best! You were the faithful cute little cinnamon roll who did everything for them..- But they just crapped all over it!!-Yeah! Yet your still defending then! Even now! It just shows how innocent you are! I mean from what I’ve noticed They haven’t been around at all! I’m sorry if it hurts, where have they been all this time? Yeah you guys are polly… were?”

Watching you nodd she continued.

“Were polly. but that doesn’t give them a right to be unfaithful!…Let alone to ignore you.. You used to be a confident ball of fire who always went everywhere and was down for anything anytime but.. they started getting mad if you left them or did anything with out them. Even when they go somewhere else! Even if they are busy they keep you on a leash!” Shifting slightly you rubbed your shoulder. That was something you vented to Hana about some time ago, in fact by accident because you were so fed up that day. “Well.. In all honesty I wasn’t the best..I mean look at me.. I’m not the most attractive.. And i’m too clingy.. But… Like-also not enough??… I don’t know its just me who kept messing up..It was just.. complicated”

Awkward pause you looked up. This would all be new for Jamison to hear. You always kept most of what really went on a secret. Especially from Jamie. You cared about the rat to not worry him but as you looked at him the sight startled you. You have not seen Rat look so pissed in your life! His silence was another thing that was pretty scary. Even to Hana as she looked at him. Your self tapping his shoulder cautiously. With that Jamison pushed past Hana to reaches for you. You flinched but surprised when he pulled you close. Blushing at how gentle it was. Picking you up he held you close. Nosing you with a protective growl. “It WAS complicated…Cuz they didn’t see the beautiful girl that I see everyday! That I’m sein’ right now! Right in me arms!”

Blushing you looked away but rat was quick to change that. Propping you on one arm the other cupped your cheek so you face him. Subconsciously leaning into it. Confused when he wiped a tear with his thumb. You didn’t even know you were crying…Were you shaking too?

“Y/n I may be a liar but with you.. With us- I’d be honest as a saint fer once! Jokes aside when it comes to the knitty gritty I swear! We won’t be like that. The bastard was a fuckin cactus! I mean just look at ya! ”

“Theres not realy much–”

“Roight there! Your such a beautiful gal an don’t even know it! Looks n on the inside!! Think i’d fall for just about anyone? Told ya before ah got a discerning eye! I know valuable when i see it! N babe you have been the only thing i seen thats made me dream! Any time I sleep its of you bein mine! An I don’t sleep often! Last night was a first this week! N’ if I know it was THAT bad I’d ‘ave done it ages ago!”

Mean while Hana was now a fan-girling mess. Having her “I ship it!” Face.

“Y/n.. I ain’t trusted no one this much. Aside from Roadie but thats with me back! Fer you its with me heart.. An i just don’t give that away!”

You watched him for awhile. Then looked to the other side.

“M’ not the best with words.. But ya really do mean the world to me..even before last night.. Have been for..don’t even know when it started but i know ’ve been hooked for a long time..Ye just.. Get me all moosh and feelin good.. Like life actually needs me fer more then just.. just. I don even know! I just feel needed an its amazin! I told ya all this last night but i’ll say it again if i gotta! ”

Hana in the background nodded fervently with his words.

“I know its hard… But ya gotta trust me. M’not lettin ya go now that I finally ‘ave ya!” Nuzzling your cheek he growled. “Yer mine.”

Smiling you nuzzled back. Stroking Jamisons cheek, getting a purr from the rat as your fingers soon worked stroking his hair. “Jamie.. I admit too.. I also have guilt because.. well after some time.. All I could think of in that relationship was you.. Even when I was with them..” You weren’t looking at him but could feel the grin. “It hurt because it only showed what was missing, and yeah we were poly so.. I mean..I could have asked you… but I didn’t want that..” Junkrat just listened, Hana was taking pics of you two secretly. “I guess.. I guess through out it all.. I ended up just wanted to be yours.. Before I just couldn’t admit or come to terms with it ‘cuz I was already taken.. and I’ve never broken up with anyone before… Oh god what if that’s why it all went to shit?…“ You whimpered but Jamison was quick to calm you. Stealing a kiss then nosing you once more. “Calm down lovey. It’s ok. You ain’t the type to let that. Pluss you were always there for the bastard.. Killer was right when she said ya was perf! You were to good for em! fuck, I think yer to good for me to but ah can’t stop me ‘eart from lovin ya!“

“Y.. You .. Love me? ”

Realizing his words the lanky man paused. Face contorting from a flurry of thoughts going by. it all adding up to him nodding. “Well.. Yeah! Think its kinda obvious by now?”

Looking away briefly you smiled back. Nosing him gently. Junkrat uttering a pur wail reciprocating. “You really are the most beautiful jewel y/n. How they treated you like shit they deserve to burn. n’ i ant sayin quick either!” He chuckled darkly at the thought, shuddering gleefully with a cackle. “It be the best BBQ!”

Petting him calmly you gave another Eskimo kiss. He was a mad man but you loved the fact he was this caring for you. It was cute.

“Thank you Jamie.. Just please don’t kill them? ..and sorry to make you repeat your self.”

“I did?-Oh! Well.. Mean if ya gotta hear it again don’t make me stop ya! I like runnin me mouth if ya haven’t noticed?”

Chuckling he kissed you roughly. Hana soon cleared her throat with how it started to get long. “Hello?! Broad daylight here?” You were the one to part it. Blushing wail smiling sheepishly to your friend.

“Psh what happen to bein happy bout us?”  Giving a laugh the man gave you a peck. “So no worries deary, i got chya covered!“

Nosing his chin you giggled thankfully. "Your too sweet Jamie, guess i better get ready for our date?”

Putting you down he waved. “Right! I’m a wash up! See ya beauts out front!”

“Oh am I invited?”

“NO!-Its a joke. Like hell i’d want to be a third wheel!”

With that you and Hana watched him leave. You both now heading to your room.

“Alright! Lets get crackin! ”

[lovelesstrainer]

ALL THE QUESTIONS

1. Are looks important in a relationship? 

Eh Not really. 

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

HA depends i guess. 

 3. Are you a virgin? 

Nah 

 4. Are you in a relationship? 

Complicated

 5. Are you in love?

I guess

 6. Are you single this year?

Nah 

 7. Can you commit to one person? 

Yeah

 8. Describe your crush 

I’d rather not. They’re an asshole. Good music taste. idk. 

 9. Describe your perfect mate 

?? Uh 

 10. Do you believe in love at first sight? 

Meh not really. it’s called infatuation, not love

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Fuck no 

 12. Do you forgive betrayal? 

HA I have grudges held from 5 years ago. so no 

 13. Do you get jealous easily? 

Damn straight

 14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Sure

 15. Do you have any piercings?

9

 16. Do you have any tattoos? 

Nope, not yet 

 17. Do you like kissing in public? 

not really. 

 20. Do you shower every day?

yeah 

 21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmaybe? 

 22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? 

Doubtful, but I can dream 

 23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

sure

 24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

LOLNO

 25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? 

Meh sure idrc 

 26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? 

Not that I can think of......? 

 27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

yeah lmao 

 28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Not gonna answer 

 29. Have you ever cheated on someone? 

Nah 

 30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? 

to be 100% honest

breast reduction LOL

 31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

More often than I’d like to admit

 32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? 

Too often LOL

 33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Mhm 

 34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

nah 

 35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? 

yes 

 36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? 

Yeah

 37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? 

YEAH LMAO

 38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? 

yeha

 39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

always lmao 

 40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? 

nop

 41. Have you had sex so far this year?

yeah

 42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends, really 

 43. How long was your longest relationship? 

year and a half?? ish??? 

 44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

uh 

4? 

 45. How many people did you kiss in 2011? 

bruh 

i dont remember what i did 20 minutes ago 

 46. How many times did you have sex last year?

refer to last question 

 47. How old are you? 

18 

 48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? 

you do you boo 

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

  50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? 

LOL NO

 51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Anna 

 52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? 

Many people

I came to terms with reality 

 53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? 

oh probably

 54. Is there someone you will never forget? 

yeah tbh 

 55. Share a relationship story.

uhhhhh how about no 

 56. State 8 facts about your body 

- i have skin

and legs

and arms

and blue eyes

my ankle is fucked 

i have nerve damage in my right hand

thats all youre getting

 57. Things you want to say to an ex 

no 

58. What are five ways to win your heart? 

look at the other one of these i answeered

 59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) 

no 

 60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

2? 3 years?   

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? 

if theyre an asshole or not 

 62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

fuck if i know 

 63. What is your definition of “having sex”? 

insert video of Papa Emeritus III talking about birds and the bees 

 64. What is your definition of cheating?

anything you wouldn’t say/do to an average joe ig 

 65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? 

routine sounds very monotonous. change it up boyo 

 66. What is your favourite roleplay? 

\????? 

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? 

a surprise. with the right person, anything can be great 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

bi

 69. What turns you off? 

unclean

 70. What turns you on? 

scratching, biting, dirty talk (preferably in other languages--) 

 71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? 

no

 72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

??????

 73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? 

Dunno 

 74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? 

Nice hair ig 

 75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? 

FUCKIN CALLING ME PRINCESS

YOU DONT EVEN KNWO

 76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? 

ANything and everything. I am a fantastic person 

 77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

2 years give or take 

 78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

idk

 79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

Like fuckin today. it’s stupid, really 

 80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

LAST NIGHT LOL @xerinos 

 81. Who are five people you find attractive? 

uh 

Anna

Trin

Aidan

uh 

idk

 82. Who is the last person you hugged? 

UH  my mom I think? 

 83. Who was your first kiss with?

Lacey. 7th grade. 

 84. Why did your last relationship fail? 

I am an antisocial piece of shit 

 85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?  

sure 

kys Chris