#most of my friends are. not in hugging distance. and im the kind of person who needs like eighty hugs a day to live

[patrophthia]

theodore nott headcanons

these are just my personal characterisations of theodore nott and just me rambling about him bc i love him. please let me know some of your own head canons of him and let’s talk about it!!

this has no word counts, not beta read, just fueled by my love for theodore (be kind about it please)

let’s start of with some canon complaints ones!

from what we know theodore (physically) has dark hair, dark eyes, pale skin and was described as lanky/tall. based off of these, i think he definitely has a few girls outwardly crushing on him. like how can you not when he’s quiet and tall? honestly i get.

theodore, with his pale skin, would honestly get flustered very easily and you can tell by his ears!! HIS EARS THAT TURNS RED WHEN HE FEELS JUST SLIGHT EMBARRASSED AND ITS THE CUTEST THING EVER (im taking no arguments here) i said what i said. theo would def keep his hair longer to help mask this little quirk of his and it would work for the most part, if not for the red tips shining through his dark locks from time to time

with how tall he is, i think he’d be pretty clumsy and uncoordinated but it’s just that he has amazing luck that no one ever gets to see him fall flat on his face.

he’s smart, we know this, but i think he’d definitely be book smart rather than street smart (that’s why blaise is in the picture), he’d be pretty closed off and intimidating to anyone who wasn’t part of his friend group, def the type to glare at you if you looked at him wrong

never held hand romantically before, this man gives off straight up ‘no bitches 🤨’ vibes

always needs comforts/hugs or any kind of support but would isolate himself from anyone who tries to provide him any of that because he’s scared of being seen as vulnerable by them

so so hard to read when you first meet him, but the more you spend just literally sitting by his sides you start to able to differentiate between his hums and nods (that’s all you’ll get from him so long as he’s sober and not your boyfriend)

i personally think seventeen’s jeon wonwoo is so so fitting for theodore (or atleast the theodore i write) he has the very cold closed off ice prince thing going on but is such a cutie i love him

now for some romantic traits one

isn’t the biggest fan of PDA —that is if it’s not him initiating it, i feel theo is the type to hold your hand under your desk, or linked pinkies as you walked down the streets, he’s very subtle with his touches but he likes having you in his hands? (if that makes sense)

forehead kisses enthusiast!!!! he would leave a small little peck on your forehead whenever you’d separate for your own classes, he does it very quick —so quick that no one ever catches it and it’s just between you and him and it’s so sickeningly sweet

would have a hard time with impromptu dates, theodore is the type to go all out when it comes to date so when the slightest thing goes wrong he thinks the whole date is wrong and you’re going to break up with him (please reassure him that you aren’t)

has a pet of some sort, he’s such a loser there’s no way he doesn’t have one; convinced you to adopt a v chubby grey cat on your first anniversary, ernie is a very happy member of the family!

isn’t the biggest pet name user? i know i write theodore using princess a lot but it’s mostly to avoid using y/n. but truthfully i think theodore would mostly call you by your name, and on the rare occasions he uses a pet name it would be between baby or my love

lovveeees being called pet name though, call him sweetheart and watch him be at your beck and call

when he loves he loves hard, you can’t tell me theodore wouldn’t be obsessed with you when you’re together. when it’s in private it’s so obvious that he wants to just bask in your attention even though he never does anything (he thinks) is worthy of it, the type to pull away from a kiss with a dopey look and try but fail to hide a smile from you

you know that trope of A calling B clingy and B distance themself bc they’re upset? ITS SO THEODORE, he’s very averse to touch and maybe one day you’re just feeling a bit too upset and need comfort from him “why are you always so clingy?” slips out and everything just comes to pause.

he knows it before he even looks at you that you’re upset, the type that thinks ‘my gf is mad at me i wish i was dead’

doesn’t really know how to apologize to you but you seem pretty cool about it, you’re still going to bed with him and not banishing him to the couch, you won’t let him touch you though “something about it being too hot”

it’s the next day when you won’t even look in his direction let alone kiss him that makes him want to hire a hitman on himself, will buy you so many things as an apology it doesn’t really work

almost asked blaise for help but scratched that idea and asked for pansy’s help instead (still doesn’t really work)

at the end hired a chef and prep dinner in your shared apartment where he got onto his knees and apologize (yes he looked ridiculous, yes it was blaise’s idea, yes blaise told you the plans before hand and asked you for a photo of theodore begging for forgiveness, yes you did get one for him)

he’s possessive and wants you to himself but also knows his place, he knows when to step in and set healthy boundaries but always breaking them just to make you happy, tries to go above and beyond for you always

tried to talk more and communicate with you how he’s feeling because he does not want this relationship to end just because he doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings

such an act of service type of guy too? would run you a bath if you seemed down, learned to cook your favorite food for you despite having the money to always eat out at the best restaurant/hire a private chef to do it for you, knows your work/school schedule very well and made sure that his visits (if there were any) was well timed

big on quality time as well!!! he just likes to have your company no matter what it is you’re doing, he just likes being by your side

loves spoiling you!!! honestly it’s sick how he does it. i think theodore would be the type to buy you whatever you wanted without ever asking you if you wanted it, if the relationship gets more serious (we’re talking living together/sharing socks serious here) would hand you his v sleek black card if you were to tell him you were going out with your friends.

i could see you at one point having an argument with him about it like: “i’m your s/o theo, not your sugar baby.”

“why can’t you just be both?” this mf

—from bee: that’s all for my theodore related rambles, pls don’t be shy and send me ask about theodore so we can talk about him tgt!!!

[delcakoo]

stop you're making me want to reread harry potter </3 ravenclaw!won has been stuck in my mind for DAYS

slytherin!reader who's in a relationship with ravenclaw!jungwon and is mean and cocky to everyone except won i am in shambles

slytherin!reader x ravenclaw!won random hcs!! ✧.*

STOP OMG anon this idea made me all giddy insidE i adore the ‘im mean to everyone but you’ grumpy x sunshine trope sANJSHS AND WITH RAVENCLAW JUNGWON AHHHH this is a bit longer than i planned but uh. enjoy JSHSJD

your boyfriend aka the biggest nerd on the planet (ravenclaw moment) doesn’t even see it most of the time

but the way you treat him in comparison to pretty much everyone else at hogwarts is VERY different

you could be like. about to fist fight someone or seconds away from pulling out your wand and hexing a gryffindor’s ass

all 😐😡😡👿👊💥

but then jungwon just

“y/n!!! :D” WITH THE CUTEST LIL SMILE AND OH GOD HIS DIMPLE :(

SUDDENLy every hint of rage and anger in your body just poofs into nothing and you’re just SMILING because there’s your sunshine with his cute nerd glasses and mountain of books

“wonnie!” you let him give you a big hug and the random gryffindor you were about to fight is just 🧌😦 in the distance

“guess what i learned in herbology today!!”

if pretty much anyone else asked you that you’d give them the most disgusted face imaginable and just.

“the fuck would i care? 🤨”

or

“when?”

“uh i think it was last satu-“

“did i ask? ☺️”

listen you’re just a very honest and straightforward person!!

but when it’s wonnie <3?

you quickly take all the books in his arms and lead him away with a smile, “what, baby? tell me all about it ☺️”

and by now a majority of the students in hogwarts knows not to mess with jungwon

because doing so immediately means messing with you too 💗

you’re extra strict on this because in the past your boyfriend did get bullied a lot for well. to put it simply, being a ravenclaw

luckily though, you were able to find out their names 😊😊😁

at first you were going to use magic but.. lets just say your knuckles were sore and bruised for the next week ❤️

doing the damage yourself was so much more satisfying y’know 😍

of course jungwon didn’t find out about all that.. at least you think

though he does get suspicious whenever one of his bullies stop even sparing him a gLance 🤨

when he confronts you, you just say karma did it’s thing and smile evilly 🫶

(little do you know, jungwon can read you like an open book and knows damn well you did it <3 however your cute proud smirk makes him decide to let you have this one 😞)

but if your revenge ambushes ever result in you getting any kind of injury, he’s always quick to bandage you up with a disapproving frown :(((

he sighs while whiping up your bloody knuckles, “seriously, i hate seeing you like this more than anything. why would you do that for me?”

you scoff, completely nonchalant with a small smirk on your lips as usual

you could care less about your fists when in the end, your boyfriend isn’t being picked on

“that’s a pretty dumb question for someone as smart as you, love”

he groans, “no y/n, really! they’re not worth your time, revenge isn’t the—“

“it is. it most definitely is the answer baby.” you grin, he sighs “now stop worrying about me and come give cuddles ❤️”

another thing jungwon gets away with all the time is bossing you around

you fr just take it like a champ every time without a word because only HE can tell you what to do

if anyone else tried to…? 😬😬

for an example scenario. you’re doing a group project in potions with jungwon (<333) and his other nerd friends

being surrounded by so many losers almost had you throwing up but you pulled through for won since you knew he wanted to be with his friends too

this didn’t stop you from being a dick ❤️

“hey y/n, can you grab the frog eyes?” sunoo gestures from the cauldron your group is watching carefully

“didn’t even say please,” you mutter, “who the fuck are you to tell me what to do four eyes?”

poor boy shuts up for the rest of the project T-T

“y-y/n,” jake would stutter nervously, refusing to make eye contact with you, “can you maybe g-“

“ask me to help one more time and i’ll stick that stirring stick up your ass”

but then jungwon sighs, making you frown because wait, is he disappointed in you or something??? :((((

“babe, you’re not contributing at all, go get the missing ingredients on this list at least”

you pout

he sounds so unimpressed :(

of course now you’re feeling needy so you rush to get everything for him and bring a bowl full of the ingredients back with puppy eyes

jake and sunoo are absolutely flabbergasted

but your bOYFRIEND who you thOugHt was an angEl from heaven STILL gives you a disapproving look :(

“thank you, now apologise to my friends please,” he asks strictly

WHY IS HE TREATING YOU LIKE A CHILD IT MAKES YOU SO MAD AND SAD AND GRRRGHH

your frown deepens, trying to lean in for a kiss at least but JUNGWON MOVES AWAY FROM YOU???

“won…”

“apologize and you can have a kiss”

your eye twitches but you’re so desperate

so you turn to those

those two

gargOyles.

and murmur out a “sorry, i promise to help from now on,” without making eye contact once with either of them <\3

at this point sunoo’s jaw almost fell off because THE POWER HIS FRIEND HAD OVER YOU?? popUlarly known as one of the meanest students in the school??????

you dont even wait for their reply (because you frankly dont care) and turn back to wonnie who’s now- UAHSJHSN HE’S SMILING HE’S PROUD OF YOU?!!! :D

you pucker your lips in anticipation and he gives you a dramatic mmmmWAH

after that you’re just so giddy and happy and help by doing whatever jungwon asks and ignore the other two <333

secretly jungwon feels like his heart is about to explode because the soft spots you have for each other is 🫶

AUGHH my favorite trope ever sushjsbsh thank u for the lovely req <3

[updownlately]

can't stand (when you're not close to me)

absolutely cannot get this idea out of my head so i need to share it somehow. if you're confused on what this is, check this out :) song: notice me by role model

might not ever write this properly tbh

smidge of angst with fluff, just softness between the two characters

in my mind its an alessia fic (im just on an alessia arc don't mind me)

the whole thing really starts after you come back in after a night out with a bunch of friends

the group was huge, a mix of teammates and a few of everyone's personal friends just coming together to enjoy the start of summer

everyone was having fun, at least you were trying your best to make sure of that

alessia however, had been slightly quiet the whole night, not letting herself be as loose as she normally would

it concerned you, but you brushed it off after the first three times she told you she was fine

you tried to stick by her for a lot of the night but you eventually got swept away by friends, old and new

the night passes, you both don't interact much, not for your lack of trying, but it was just like the universe didn't want you beside each other. plus, even if you absolutely tried your hardest to be near the other girl, she was distant, no matter how close you guys sat

when it comes time to leave, alessia's quiet, not protesting like she normally would, adding to your worry

"you sure you're alright babe?"

a hum is all you get in response

when you make it back to your shared apartment, the walk back one of the quietest you've both ever had (and not in a good kind of way) she wordlessly puts her handbag to the side, removes her shoes and heads to your guys' bedroom, not waiting for you

you just stand there, sighing, locking the door behind you. you didn't realize it till now but her distancing herself took its toll on you

the whole night, all you wanted to do really was be by her, in her arms, kissing her, touching her in one way or another, anything really, just wanted her near you, yet she didn't want the same

it didn't help that she was dressed to the nines too, the black dress that she wore hugging her frame perfectly, her hair in loose waves, a personal favourite of yours, and makeup making her look ever so angelic, the world's most beautiful, ethereal human in your opinion.

all in all, all you really wanted was a nice night out with your friends and then a soft night in with your lover, someone who clearly couldn't stand to be near you right now, this night immediately losing its place as one of your favourites taking a deep breath to call yourself down, you follow her lead,

removing your shoes, locking up the rest of the house and heading to the bedroom

entering, you could hear the water of the shower running, sadness enveloping you just a little more

more often than not, practically an unspoken ritual of yours now, you both would get ready for bed with the other, showering the night out away together, just a small little tradition that charged both of you up, the intimacy of it all calming to you, strengthening

you wait for her to finish up, sitting on the edge of the bed, her appearing out of the bathroom practically ready for bed

catching her softly by her arm when she doesn't look at you, you ask "hey, are you sure we're okay? did i do something to upset you? cause if yeah, please tell me so i can fix it" you're practically begging, looking up at her, alessia barely meeting your eyes before darting them elsewhere

"we're fine. i'm just tired"

you knew that was bullshit. any time a woman, especially a girlfriend, said she was tired whilst she was ignoring you meant that you fucked up, one way or another. it was very much a no brainer. yet, in that moment you chose not to press it, knowing alessia and aware that it wouldn't end well if you prodded right now.

so instead you nodded, placing a tender kiss to the back of her hand before heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed yourself

what you didn't see on the way out was the unshed tears in alessia's eyes, how she stood frozen in her spot for a minute, the ghost of your lips on her hand taunting her

she didn't know how to tell you, but ever since the both of you had walked into the dinner venue and heads had turned, many of the gazes taking you in, your outfit and the air of confidence that surrounded you, (in my mind reader's wearing a suit or maybe just a button down with slacks, radiating an aura of power), alessia had been uneasy with the attention

it wasn't often that she doubted herself, rarely on the pitch or during trainings and even more seldomly when she was with you.

so she didn't know why, here in this moment, the assault of thoughts telling her she wasn't good enough for you was the only thing on her mind.

the repeated thoughts of how you could do better, how any of your other friends or the other girls at the dinner would look so much better on your arm instead of her were on the forefront of her mind throughout most of the dinner, only easing just slightly in the club due to the sheer loudness of the music playing.

she thought about telling you, aware that you wouldn't mock her for it like she feared, yet the fear itself of the possibility of you leaving her at how pathetic she was stopped her

instead, she willed for the thoughts to go away, waiting until they would pass before she came in contact with you, knowing you'd otherwise read her like a book (being in a relationship for two years would do that to a person). deciding that sleeping it off would be best, she had made a beeline for exactly that the second you had both entered the apartment.

she knew she was hurting you, you never one to hide your emotions from the blonde, but yet, in the this moment, fear with its hand wrapped around her throat, alessia didn't know what else to do but protect her heart (something a part of her knew you would do too, without a second of doubt)

however, her plans fall short the second you reenter the room, ready for bed, smaller frame being swallowed in a hoodie of hers

as you tuck yourself in onto your side of the bed, alessia facing away from you, the back of her head and torso the only things visible, you consider giving it one more try, going for a gentle approach this time

you roll onto your side, your front facing her back now, running a featherlike touch over her bicep, trailing down to her forearm before wrapping it around her waist

"please talk to me love. it's killing me seeing you like this...seeing you so far away from me, your sweet smile not on your face." its a hushed whisper, too afraid that if its just a decibel too loud the whole world would crash and burn

when seconds pass, turning into a minute, then almost nearing two, you're about to give up and just call it a night

right as you go to pick up your arm from where it laid across the striker, you feel the mattress move from body movement that most definitely wasn't your own

holding your breath, you wait

slowly but surely, alessia turns to face you, her head hung down, eyes not meeting your own

reaching out, you intertwine your hands with hers, your other hand coming to rest at her hip

"i'm sorry"

"less...don't be. just let me in yeah? what's going on in that pretty mind of yours?"

swallowing hard, her eyes flicked up to meet yours before coming back down, gaze fixed on your interlocked fingers

"i just-" taking a sigh, she reminded herself this was you. the same you that had stuck by her even after seeing her at her worst after losing so many important games. the same you that had always diligently taken care of her the few times she was sick. the same you that would always know how to take care of her on her worst days, magically always making the perfect dinner, running her baths, cuddling her until she couldn't help but smile. this was that you. you were that you. and you were safe. she knew that. she just had to believe it, had to trust in it.

"it's stupid"

"wanna let me be the judge of that? plus anything that's bothering you isn't stupid my love. in fact, if it's bothering you as much as this is, it's actually quite important to me. you're important to me"

closing her eyes, alessia inches closer towards you, foreheads nearly touching now.

"i can't help-... i can't help but think sometimes how you'd be better off with another girl. it's silly, i know. but like even today, when we walked into the restaurant, so so so many people turned to look at you, and before you say anything, yes they were looking at you, i saw their gazes scan you.

you couldn't help but smile at how well she knew. even with her eyes closed she was ready to cut off your imminent statement.

shoulders relaxing at your silence, recognizing your genuine intent to listen (mentally cursing herself for ever doubting your love for her) she continued.

"even at the dinner and then the club afterwards, you just looked so...i don't know...relaxed? with the other girls around you. and they weren't worried about you like i was. they weren't stuck in their own heads. they were just there. just pretty, holding the conversations well, making you and others laugh, not stuck in their own heads, questioning why you were with them, doubting yourself, and it just...i can't help but think, you'd be so much better off y'know..."

alessia trailed off, eyes still closed, the last sentence hanging heavily in the air

you took a deep breath in, shaking your head ever so slightly before pulling the taller girl into you.

"less, baby...i don't want any else but you." pausing to place a soft kiss on forehead, you continue. "all night, all i could think of was how gorgeous you looked y'know? the whole time...dinner, the club, even the walk home love, you didn't leave my mind. i couldn't wait to get home to be with you, just us two, in our apartment, our bedroom, together."

you could hear alessia hum at your pause, her eyes still not meeting yours, her heart still not believing you.

"i want you. just you. only you. i can't stand it when you're not close to me y'know. just having you near, hands intertwined, or maybe not, maybe you're just beside me, yet each time my hearts doing summersaults. hell sometimes i can't even manage to fathom how i got you to date me. you're perfect, and everything in between y'know."

it was as your last sentence trailed off that Alessia finally looked up, meeting your eyes for half a second before they fell on your lips.

giving her a nearly imperceptible nod, you let yourself lean in, meeting her halfway.

your grip on her waist tightened, alessia's own hands reaching out, grasping at your hips, tugging you closer to her, bodies now flush.

between gentle kisses, featherlike touches, and quiet whispers, sighs, and gasps, you let your actions speak.

chaste kiss after chaste kiss, you chased her lips each time she pulled away, not wanting to spend even a second an inch apart, not when she'd been so far from you all day.

it was when alessia pulled away, air likely finally an issue that you scanned her face. this time though, all you could see was apologetic eyes and a tired mind.

"i love you alessia. so fucking very much. and just know that you're the only person i ever wanna love. ever in my whole life. i want to love you forever."

and when you received your favourite soft smile in return, followed by a quiet murmur of 'i love you too, so much' against your lips, before another kiss is placed upon them, you know that this may not have been the best night of your life, but it was one of your favourites with the blonde. just the pair of you, cuddled up, loved up, relaxed, together.

you both knew that the intrusive thoughts hadn't left her mind, at least not yet, but you were going to make sure that eventually, no matter how long it took, you'd make sure that she knew she was the only one for you.

(a small part two to the initial idea, read if you want :) technically a continuation)

its why just before going to bed that exact night, you suggested having a date the next day. "just the two of us, you and me, lets spend the day together yeah?

and so when you wake up the next morning, you do so with the blonde's arms wrapped around your midsection, your back pressed tightly to her front, her face snuggled into your neck, slight puffs of her breath tickling your collarbones.

your guys' morning goes by quietly, just pure softness really

it starts of with you both just laying in a bed a bit longer, cuddling after you eventually wake up alessia (after you've taken the time to admire her and her little freckles, and the curve of her nose, and ran your finger over the gentle wrinkle lines that were beginning to form on her face ofc),

the pair of you brush your teeth together, you pulling silly faces and catching your lovers eyes in the mirror before you end up making a mess around the counter, you both giggling whilst cleaning up after your impromptu mr. bean impressions

after freshening up, the pair of you head downstairs, you starting the coffee pot while alessia hangs off your back like a koala, hunching over just a little so she can comfortable smush her forehead into the space between your shoulder blades

breakfast goes by without a hitch really, you both not leaving the other's side for more than a minute at any given moment, even going as far as eating at the island so you could pull two stools impossibly close together

its as you get both get dressed and alessia's asking you where you want to go out for the day, that you decide that now was the perfect time to set your small surprise into motion.

convincing the blonde to go to an outdoor shopping centre isn't hard at all, since she's smitten with you

what is difficult though, is hiding your intentions from her

so when you eventually lead her into the fifth jewelry store of the day alessia can tell something is up

and when she prods you on your intent, you can't help but shrug, wanting her to witness your idea for herself

so as you talk to the jeweller (you have a good feeling about this store having what you're looking for) you can feel alessia drape herself over your back once more. except this time, alessia sneakily slips her hands under your (technically her) hoodie, resting them on your stomach, skin only separated by the thin cotton t-shirt you had on under.

you do your best to try to finish telling the jeweller what you were looking for without stuttering too much, the warmth of her palms pressed flat against your midsection sending butterflies throughout your chest

as you chastise her quietly without turning around (not wanting her to see the smile on your face). "lessi you need to stop, they're going to end up asking us to leave otherwise" you pout

despite of your tone, you can feel her silently laugh into your neck, placing apologetic kisses along your nape

slapping her arm, you composed yourself just in time for the person you were talking to earlier to show up, a velvet box in her hands

taking the box from her hands, you gently opened it, revealing the small platinum chain, a small 'R' hanging off the middle.

tapping alessia's arm, you grab her attention, her head popping out from where it rested in the crook of your neck

"whatchu think?"

flipping over the charm, you felt alessia take in a sharp breath, her grip on you getting just a tad bit tighter

"i-... what? are you sure?"

you shrugged in response, a smile taking over your face.

"pretty sure yeah. i know what i want babe. it's you."

letting her finger run over the engraving on the back, alessia couldn't hold back her smile, in awe of the way you knew exactly how to make her feel better.

and as you go ahead and finalize the purchase, alessia offering to pay before you can even take out your wallet, you both have the biggest smiles on your face.

just before you walk out, you let her examine the 'alessia' written on the back

"can i put it on you?"

you nod eagerly, moving your hair out of the way.

you feel her fingers skim your nape before she sets the necklace perfectly across your collarbones, clasping it into place

finally walking out, ready to make your way home, you reach out intertwining your hands with hers

you knew you both would have your ups and downs, your love for each other being tested so often. but you also knew that if you had to walk through hell for anyone, with anyone, it would be the blonde beside you, the striker that had your heart.

letting your love envelope the quiet surrounding you both, you quietly made your way home, the silence comforting this time, a unsaid promise of support, of love, of forever.

lyrics this is based off of (not many btw, the idea came to me first, the song after but oddly enough so many lyrics fit perfectly with my idea):

"you're perfect, and everything in between"

"keep going, until they tell us to leave"

"let's dance when we're not supposed to be"

"can't stand when you're not close to me"

"damn, can't believe you notice me"

"now i'm angry, cause i'm fallin' in love"

"i'm mad, 'cause i used to hate all this stuff"

"and i won't let this go, never fell this far"

okay damn. i had to make multiple text blocks, i wrote that much holy shit. its 3k words of an unfinished idea...this is killing me.

i don't know if i'll ever write this one out properly, but i might maybe. we'll see. anyways, this was just a nice little idea/scene that played out in my head that i decided to continue and then eventually added the second little part bc i thought it would be cute (i'm sorry you cannot tell me alessia wouldn't absolutely lose her mind seeing you wear a necklace with her initials). hopefully the cuteness was retained as the ideas went from visuals in my head to actual text.

anyways, i hope y'all enjoyed and that this makes sense grammatically bc this was not at all proof read.

take care 🫶

[httpiastri]

im the BIGGEST mclaren fan and oscar fan in the world ever and i dont even have the energy to celebrate oscar's first win (yes bc of the fucked up way mclaren did it but wtv not getting into that) bc of how devastated i am about paul. i just want to give him the biggest hug in the world and tell him its ok and that we all still love him. i hope he knows how much support he has and that making mistakes is ok, its only his rookie season no one expects him to be schumacher or senna or whoever, we just want you to be a happy paul aron :(

seeing him banging his head and looking out into the distance after the crash omfg i will jump off a cliff i swear. hes so hard on himself and i was legit sobbing thinking about how much harder he is on himself (probably) this year after what happened w merc and prema. he deserves so much more omg. the fact that kimi ended up winning the race just made me think of the lacy edits too and omfg i cannot. i love kimi dont get me wrong but what are the chances that paul's win became kimi's instead? i js cant.

and dont get me started on that fucking penalty. he already dnf'd i don't understand the point of them punishing him any further did u not see how mad he was at himself?? fuck you fia fuck. you. cz WHY WHAT WAS THE REASON??? i feel like ive never seen them do that to a driver, usually they cause a collision and dnf they just get time penalties but a TEN PLACE GRID PENALTY?? FOR THE NEXT RACE?? THIS LATE IN THE SEASON?? it just seems SO unfair and so harsh. not agreeing w the grid penalties at all esp when the driver alr suffered from their mistakes but the crash w maloney fine i can kind of understand, but ollie's? sorry but i didnt even see them crash that hard? (or was i half asleep? idk i js literally do not remember seeing it) seriously tho wtf.

i hope his friends, family and team gave him the biggest hug ever. he'll come back stronger ik it! we'll get thru this u guys:(

paul nation family group hug 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

-🧸

this is very valid :(( it wouldve been easier to celebrate if it had been better with the team and whatever, but now it was so easily overshadowed by everything that happened in f2 and i just 😶

to me, most of my pain is based on (just like u said) the fact that i think he's hard on himself, and wants to prove so much after everything that has happened. i just hope he sees the reality; that he's doing super well, in his rookie season nonetheless, and we're all so proud of him. mistakes is okay, shit happens, even max verstappen made a bunch of mistakes yesterday!!

i didnt wanna look at the clips of him in the car nor hear his radio (ive seen the screenshot of him admitting that it was his fault tho) and i saw the clip of him after getting out of the car and i just...... nope. and esp w kimi winning aaaa it made me so happy but-

god i dont understand the penalties like. yes he made a mistake but zane was also going very very slow (on the slower tyres also) so it was hard for him to tell what zane was going to do. like these things happen within even a fraction of a second and you need to trust your instinct and sometimes it doesn't work out? like obvs i cant compare it to any personal experiences in racing but in my own sport i know the feeling of getting a bad pass etc, and something tiny can mess up the entire timing and feeling and everything? so zane just going slower makes a lot of difference :// it's not common that they do this but ive seen it sometimes but this is just so.... gAH!! esp with the thing with ollie because they didn't even show it, so it can't have been THAT important, right?? so stupid

pls everyone gather around for a group hug! with paul in the middle bcs he deserves all of the love!!!!!!! <3<3<3

(oh and just so you know. "we just want you to be a happy paul aron :("........... you actually broke me with that one, i hope you're happy that im crying bcs of you 😭)

[floralhuqzz]

Apology.. (Johnnie Guilbert x fem reader)

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

warnings: a bit angst

🦇author : I apologize if theres any misspelled words, english is not my first language:)

♱

“Im just tired you know?..” ive been on the phone with my best friend for hours now.

“you just gotta tell him how you really feel y/n,, you can just be ignoring what he does to you and not tell him that its affecting you.” she was right. This past month Johnnie has been almost completely ignoring me, always coming home late, and barely spending time with me… At first i thought I was the problem but what could ive possibly done wrong? Ive been nothing but worried about him, but he keeps refusing to talk to me.

“I just…I just dont get it.” i looked sad, and how couldn’t i? i WAS sad,, Ive been dating Johnnie for 2 years now and he is acting like a total stranger.

“if something happens you know you can always stay at my place y/n” she kindly smiles

“i know… thank you so much… you’re re the best” i smile back

I hear the front door open, “it must be Johnnie” i thought to myself

“Johnnie’s here ive gotta go i love you” i whisper

“ok good luck honey” she smiles as she hangs up

I stand up from my bed and walk out of mine and johnnies shared bedroom..

“Hey babe” he says as he walks towards me to give me a kiss

“hey” i kiss him back and as i was about to walk away he takes me by my arm

“hey whats wrong?” he looks at me confused but i could still feel the worry in his eyes

“what do you mean? im good.” i look at him

“you dont look good to me, just tell me whats the problem” he sounded a bit angry now

“whats wrong with ME?” i point my finger to my chest. “Johnnie whats wrong with YOU” i point at him

“What are y-“ i didn’t let him finish his sentence

“You have been acting weird for this past 1 month Johnnie, why? did i do something? tell me Johnnie.. Ive been nothing but kind to you and worried and thats how you pay me back, for gods sake im the only one communicating in this relationship”… I continue now starting to tear up “You have been ignoring me for this past month… We have been together for 2 years Johnnie… Why are you treating me like this? What the fuck did i do to you to deserve this?…” i wipe my tears “i dont deserve this…”

Johnnie stood there without saying a word, he looked sad, did he feel bad?

“Im….im sorry..” he starts walking towards me

“thats the only thing youre gonna say? youre not even going to give me a proper explanation?..” i looked pissed

“Ive been a complete fucking dick head… I shouldn’t have pushed you away..” he puts his hand on my cheek “I thought you were going to leave me..thats why i distanced myself..”

“why?…”

“i kept overthinking it.. i thought you deserved someone better than me and i freaked out and…completely fucked it all up..im so sorry y/n im… im a fucking idiot,, i wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave me i-“ i cut him off

“i dont want..to leave you..” it broke my heart he thought i wanted to leave him..how could i? he is the most important person in my life

he looks at me like he wants to cry too

“you dont deserve me…” he tears up

“johnnie dont say that…we will get through this,, okay? but only if theres communication babe… relationships cant work without communication” i get close to him as he nods

“youre right… im sorry..” he hugs me tight

“i love you so much “ i say as i began to tear up again, he takes my face with both of his hands and wipes my tears “i love you more…and again im so sorry ill make it up to you..” he kisses my forehead as i smile.

“wanna go out? go eat?” he asks me “can we just stay here and watch a movie?”i say as i look at him “of course princess, anything that you want” he kisses me.

Finally, it was all over, all those past days in pain,, they’re gone. It almost feels like i can finally breathe now…Me and Johnnie spent the night watching movies and cooking together, catching up since we barely spoke those past few days, it felt good, it felt right…

.

.

.

.

me right now after finishing this fanfic at 3 AM:

[faerishv]

guess who has another req..(IM SO SORRY) ok most of my reqs have been fluff but what about angst? y/n distancing themselves from hanako, nene, and kou bc they think they're cheating on them - 🐝

PLS DON'T APOLOGIZE YOUR REQUEST ARE LIKE MWA chef kiss. Anyways i never wrote anything angst but i guess there's a first time for everything 👁️👁️ the end will be fluff again cause im not mentally stable to do a whole angst post -

paranoid

; hanako :

you never hated yashiro , she's a really good friend and she could never betray you in any way , but why were you feeling this jealousy towards her and hanako ? Everytime you walk in the bathrooms they are always togheter , but its normal , they are friends after all , and there's nothing wrong with that ; but why seeing them alone made you feel this sensation of disgust .. not for them , but for you. You were ashamed of yourself for thinking bad about them , that's why you started to distance yourself from them , especially hanako ; obviously he took notice of that. At first he thought nothing about it , maybe you had a test and you needed to concentrate or something like that , but when he tried to talk to you and you ignored him , not even glancing (?) at him , that's when he took matters into his own hands. Classes ended and you were heading out of the classroom , that's when hanako jumped on you and hugged you closely , so that you couldn't escape .. you were trying to get away from him but it was impossible ; " [name] why are you ignoring me ?.. You know im kind of sad because of this , the love of your life not even looking at you , don't you know how this hurts ? " he was trying to fluster you so that you would talk " leave me alone hanako ... " " why tho ! Did i do something wrong ? If so please tell me what i did so that i can apologize for good. " " it's .. you and yashiro : i always see you guys togheter and it kind of hurts me , i know it's selfish and all but - " " ooohh you're just jealous ~ " you began to blush and trying again to escape his grip on you " that's cute [name] , but .. im sorry if it made you uncomfortable in any way , i really do apologize ... " you stopped moving ; realizing that your reaction was too much , you hugged hanako .. you guys kept hugging for some solid 5 minuts.

; yashiro :

it wasn't a surprise that yashiro often went for guys like teru , handsome boys with a good reputation. Obviously after you 2 started dating she stopped , but you don't know why , you started to have some complex about if you were really good enough for yashiro , if you could reach the level of the oldest minamoto brother. This caused you distancing yourself from yashiro , because of an nonsense jealousy towards someone that never interfered in your relationship. Yashiro took notice of that real quick and started to overthink herself " did i do something wrong .. " " did they find someone better than me ?? " " why are they ignoring me !!? ". She didn't want to wait any longer so she texted you to meet her on the roof and , became you can't say no to her , you accepted. It was lunch time when you met , she was there before you " [name] ! Im glad you're here. " " mhm .. " " i bet you already know why i invited you here .. i noticed that you started to avoid me and i've been wondering why , if it's because you got tired of me or something else please tell me " your heart broke into pieces , you didn't want to hurt her just because of you jealousy " no its not that ! Im sorry if i made you think this " you walked closer to her and gripped her shoulders " i don't know what has gotten into me recently , but i just feel like im not good enough for you , like minamoto senpai or ... - " " ARE YOU KIDDING ME !? " you almost jumped off " YOU ARE THE PERSON I'VE EVER DREAMED OF , YOU'RE EVERYTHING I WANT >:( " she sighs " please [name] , don't ever think down about yourself , i really love you , don't ever doubt it in any way .. " it was hard to tell who was more flustered between the two of you.

; kou :

you know that kou is an exorcist ; you know about hanako , yashiro and mitsuba. You and mitsuba don't talk much , he always has some negative comments ready for you , you know he acts like that to everyone , but why he's more soft with kou .. you don't think kou or mitsuba himself noticed it , but you did and of course there was nothing wrong with it : you're glad that kou is getting along well with mitsuba but sometimes you can't help but to think bad about both of them , and you felt ashamed for yourself. You know that kou could never cheat on you or do anything bad to you in any way , but isn't it normal for people to think about the worse scenarios , sometimes ? Because of that you started to distance yourselffrom your lover , just to think. Yokoo and satou took notice of that " kou ! Do you know where's [name] , its been a while since i saw you togheter " said yokoo to his friend .. " o - oh , uhm , i actually don't know , i've been really busy this days .. " " you should go check on them , i heard that its bad for a couple not checking up on their partners you know " added satou. He was right , he was really busy with mitsuba that he didn't even checked up on you ; what if something bad happened to you while he wasn't there ! " i - i'll go now , bye you two ! " he started running until he found you , in the classroom alone. When he saw you his heart shattered , he couldn't separate the time between you and mitsuba so he left you alone , you didn't deserve this. " [name] ! Finally i found you ... i really need to talk to you " " ah kou , i also need to talk with you " he immediately thought it was something bad so he talked first , taking your hand to his chest " im really sorry if i didn't give you enough time , i was really busy with mitsuba that i didn't think of anything else. I apologize for not being a good boyfriend ; im free now so we can do anything you want ... just , please , don't leave me .. " his grip on your hands tightens " kou .. im not going to leave you , never. You are the most perfect boyfriend anyone could ever ask for and you don't have to apologize .. i was actually the one who distanced theirself. I admit i was a little jealous of mitsuba and i needed time to think " you kissed his cheek to calm him down but actually he became more flustered.

[chicspo]

this may be very long but i want to explain in depth so u can understand my situation better so im sorry but here goes,

ill give u some info about myself first: im 18 i go to university and i spend most of my time there, i live with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. im not a touchy person, especially if im tired and spent my entire day studying. i care so much about certain people but im not good at showing it, and i dont exactly intend on changing this. i show my sister and my parents a lot of love and they know i love them but i can do this bc theyre family and i knoe our bonds are unbreakable no matter what.

ok so heres the situation, i want to be alone. i want to live on my own and im comfortable with not having many friends (i have some really good friends that moved for uni and i text them kinda often and i know our bonds are unbreakable) but im fine with not making more friends if its uncomfortable or whatever. but recently i think my boyfriend has noticed im distancing myself from him, unintentionally, but i care a lot about how i do in university so im dedicating myself to it. i dont ever initiate anything with him (sexually or just touchy in general) but i never really have to be honest. yes at the beginning of our relationship i was younger and more carefree and our relationship was fun to me so i was more touchy but never very touchy.

he told me how he feels like i dont love him bc i never try to start anything with him and im always at school and i was kind of cold to be honest i told him i love him bc i dont want to break his heart and it is true, i do love him and i care so much about him but i dont want to be either him anymore. its just so hard bc we live together and we have cats together and gis family loves me i’ve visited them in florida (i live in canada) twice and we’re planning on visiting them again for Christmas. i dont know what he would do if we broke up. he would br incredibly hesrt broken and im genuinely worried he would k1ll himself bc his step dad is abusive and both his parents drink all the time and dont rlly care about him, he doesnt have many friends, just one that is always at work so he never sees him, and he has an online job so he never goes out. he does a lot for me tho. he cleans the apartment A LOT whenever im gone (im a clean freak) and he tells me im the most beautiful girl in the world, he touches me and hugs me and kisses me, tells me he missed me so much, tells me im his world and that he wants to look after me when we’re old, that he wants to have a daughter with me, he buys the groceries, cat stuff, hr buys me little random things he thinks ill like. he’s honestly a really amazing boyfriend. but i dont want a boyfriend. i cant tell him that tho. i want to talk to my mom about this and ask her advice but she thinks hes a low life bc he has an online job and doesnt go out, he has chronic back pain and has to take medication and he smokes weed everyday. she knows he takes really good care of me tho.

my sisters planning on moving in with us when shes done highschool (this school year) and i want to just live with her. i dont know what to do bc we have such a concrete relationship thats more serious than anything and we care about eachother so much. he loves out apartment, its the first place hes lived without an abusive family and hes so happy. im in such a bad situation in my head rn.

i understand ur concern but u always have to put urself first. and i think with having to asking me or ur mom or anyone else all ur looking for is for someone to validate ur feelings. u dont need anyones approval for this. u dont want to be with him then dont be. ur not his mom. the most u can do for him is have a talk with him, when u tell him ur decision, and try to orient him in life the best u can. however thats none of ur responsibility. if u fear he has no other relationships other than the one u two have u can tell him that. if u believe he should get a different job tell him. his life seems pretty bleak and lonely, and he copes by focusing on you. that isnt healthy. he should also look out for himself first and he should have bigger goals in life. a future with you or any other woman isnt a goal or achievement. all he does by telling u he wants to take care of u when u get old or have kids together is mentally trap u so you wont leave him. he cant be that weak. he needs to learn to be independent. and u already seem more than capable and independent, so if u want to live alone or with ur sister u should do so. its great that ur so focused on ur school. its ur life u should do with it what u want

[themonopolyhat]

shoulder the sky: the windix hanahaki au

that time i was screwing around in chat with @shootingstarpilot and accidentally coughed up a 6K+ windix-flavored hanahaki au for his shoulder the sky series. (hanahaki disease is a fic trope in which unrequited or unconfessed love causes flowers to grow in the afflicted person's lungs.)

compiling the comments here for funsies. featuring mace and helix, needle and stitch, cody, obi-wan, and a whole pile of tropes bubblegum-taped together.

as always, helix the clone medic belongs to @swmoddy, needle and stitch belong to @shootingstarpilot

the setup:

@shootingstarpilot​: this is taking the concept and running with it, but i like the thought that it's not just romantic feelings, it's familial too. im just thinking about kamino's fucked up upbringing, how dangerous that sort of out-loud acknowledgement would be--

@themonopolyhat​: oh i knew you would hurt me with this i knew it

@shootingstarpilot​: thinking about helix, helix who loves in everything he does but doesn't say it, never thought he needed to, starting to cough up flowers

my crimes:

so maybe it's not every clone, maybe it's just a few really unlucky ones that get hit with this predisposition

most of them die young bc kamino is a bad place and lots of clones get culled, it's statistically likely for any clone with a deviation from the norm to get caught and killed

helix is one of the very, very, very, very few that makes it out. and he does so without becoming a cold unfeeling bastard, which is the usual defense mechanism

if he loves someone, he starts to cough petals. the symptoms abate if he confesses. that's easy enough for him, he's a medic and he's kind and he's not shy. he tells his brothers he loves them, no problem.

sometimes he coughs petals for a few days before he figures out who the new culprit is.

sometimes he coughs for a few days and then the symptoms clear up, and he figures out that the culprit died.

the thing is that he really does have a good grasp of professional distance. he doesn't love every patient, though he cares for them. he's good at holding his heart carefully. he just doesn't mind loving colleagues and friends and batchers easily.

he loves needle on day three. coughs petals, isn't even fucking surprised. needle hugs him desperately when helix tells him he loves him. it's something needle hasn't heard since -- well. since he got up from the chair a different person.

he loves stitch on day two. that one's a surprise. it's not because stitch is quiet and wary and obviously, obviously hurt. that inspires sympathy and protectiveness.

it's the way stitch fixes pillows and adjusts cannulas and talks so softly to the men in his care. he remembers everything he's told. he's brilliant. he's sweet. he cares and he's talented and he doesn't ever look for praise.

helix tells him he loves him on day eight, because any sooner and he's sure the poor kid would shut right down on him. it's cutting it close -- stitch is confused but thanks him. helix pops another throat lozenge and goes about his day.

[needle and stitch] figure it out after a while and in retrospect they're like ohhhhh helix you enormous sap you loved us that fast???

things are fine, really

u n t i l

there comes a day, a little ways into the war, when helix coughs petals. and it takes him some time to realize that he's coughing them up over his first natborn.

the first natborn he's ever loved -- the first who's ever earned it --

helix just kind of bangs his head down on his arms when he finally cottons on. he's a moron. of course it's their general. their kind, funny, exasperating general who loves them and flings his body between them and pain and death every goddamn chance he gets -- who defends them with every scrap of that gigantic brain and that silvery tongue and the weight of his own title and influence and connections --

helix loves obi-wan. he's coughing petals over it.

his boys figure him out way too fast, as always, and they suss out the complication just as fast when they've cornered helix in the office.

needle and stitch stare, a bit wide-eyed, as the reality sinks in.

"have you ever -- a natborn --?" needle asks delicately.

"no," helix grumbles tiredly, rubbing at his sore throat. "exactly which natborn would have made the cut?"

"how are you going to tell him? does it work if you use synonyms, or if you say it like you're joking?" stitch asks, undelicately.

helix gives him a wan little smile despite himself. "unfortunately, no, it doesn't work like that. i experimented when i was young. and... gods, i guess if i don't want to die, i'll have to figure out the how sooner or later."

fortunately for helix, blind luck gives him an easy out soon enough.

he's holed up with the general alone in a shallow crater, where they flung themselves to avoid being spotted while picking their way back to their own side of the battlefield.

why are they out here alone? because helix is playing field medic today, his larty got shot down, four men survived the crash aside from him, two of them died minutes after, the other two he was able to patch but they couldn't move fast with their injuries, and helix ended up hiding alone after an ugly chase.

and then obi-wan turned up to get him, in person, already dusty and sweaty and dinged up after the day's fighting, and helix still doesn't know exactly how the hells the general found one lone clone out here.

so they're here in the depression in the earth, catching their breath and drinking a little of what remains in their canteens.

"shouldn't be long now," the general murmurs lowly, checking the coordinates and the sky. "we're not far. another hour or three, if we're careful, and we'll be past the droids' scanning range. then it's just another half a day to camp, if cody's scouts pick us up right away."

helix nods. watches his general poke at the readout from his wrist comm some more. "i'm sorry you came all this way for just one," he hears himself saying out loud.

obi-wan doesn't look over, which is, helix has learned, a sure sign he's feeling some strong emotion and hiding it. "i'm not," he says easily, the reply so ready he must have had to express similar sentiments before. "this is what i am for, really. i'm just sorry i wasn't there soon enough to save anyone else along with."

helix's throat itches, and his lungs feel abruptly heavy. he hasn't coughed in front of obi-wan yet, and he doesn't intend to start now. maybe it's the fact that he knows he's talking to an empath, but it doesn't seem so difficult to get the words out, not when they're delivered on a swell of feeling.

"you make it easy to love you, general," he murmurs. "and i do. love you, i mean."

(he has to be explicit, or it doesn't work.)

obi-wan does look over, now, and his surprise is clear to see. "oh. ah. well." it's not often that he's caught so flat-footed, and helix finds it both hilarious and charming. "thank you? you must know i care for you, as well." a pause. "very much, helix. i care for you very much."

helix knows what he means. he feels lighter. breathing, of course, is easier. so is running, when they inevitably get to that point in the escape.

[fast forward to] the SECOND natborn helix loves enough to start the flowers growing again

everything develops in series canon... [mace and helix are] trauma besties. then friends. confidantes. they trust each other. they care for each other.

mace comes into helix's life at the same time that practically everything is horrible. so it's understandable that the realization takes time.

the coughing doesn't start, luckily, until after helix gets back from his trip through the rift. after seeing the utter lack of recognition in that other mace's eyes, the impersonal sizing-up and curiosity and distance. after seeing his mace again, clocking the warmth and depth of mace's attention and attentiveness, the way he carries himself with such grace, the faint curve of his mouth when he's amused and the light in his eyes --

helix coughs. realization comes swiftly. he hides from needle and stitch for nearly a full day.

the first time his voice goes scratchy, needle eyeballs him malevolently. the first time he stifles a cough around stitch, stitch immediately comms needle. it's inevitable. helix is resigned.

"who is it?" stitch asks outright. "it can't be someone new. we haven't gone anywhere in days."

"except to the past, and i can't see helix being the love at first sight type," needle muses, as he often has before. (he's very right and should repeat the facts often, in helix's opinion.) "so it's got to be somebody he already knows and just had a Moment about."

stitch gently, carefully listens to helix's breathing and hands him a lozenge, with the exact air of someone handing a child a sweet after shots. "do we need to guess or do you want to tell us?" he asks.

helix sets his hand over his eyes. "it's mace," he says flatly.

"oh," stitch says brightly.

"oh," needle says, deflating somewhat. "that makes sense."

helix swallows a chuckle and, in a spurt of ill-timed desire for support (even if it's in the form of teasing and the worst suggestions known to clonekind), he adds, "it's not... the regular kind."

"oh?" stitch asks, frowning, immediately concerned, the diagnostician in him leaping to the fore.

"oh," needle repeats. he blinks at helix for a moment. "oh." surprise, delight, and smugness are fighting an audible pitched battle for dominance. "stitch, buddy, put that away. it's not a difference in strain. it's a different catalyst."

stitch looks at needle and waits for explanation, which he will get -- nobody who loves stitch plays coy with him, it's not kind.

"helix doesn't just love like a friend or a brother this time," needle continues, though his voice is quieter now, soft and overjoyed and conspiring. "do you, helix? it's more than that."

helix leans back and looks up at the ceiling, biting the inside of his cheeks to keep from smiling like an idiot. damn, but it does feel good to have it outside his own head. good and annoying, but for now he'll coast on the good. "more," he replies simply, dryly.

it's more than enough for needle, who audibly grabs stitch and shakes him in place. "stitch!" he hisses. "helix is in love. romantically. with general windu!"

a deafening silence follows. helix can hear stitch processing from here. "is that even allowed?" stitch wants to know. he sounds baffled. little gods on rye, helix adores him.

helix looks at them again in time to see needle squishing stitch companionably under one arm. "if it's not, most of the army is in trouble," he answers cheerfully. "show me a man who hasn't got a thing for at least one of the generals and i'll show you a certified liar. or a you, unless you're holding out on me."

stitch wrinkles his nose. "i'm not holding out. they're the generals." which is all the explanation he seems to feel is warranted.

"right, right, but you've seen the nose art and the tats and the cartoons on the forums. the polls, too. didn't you vote for general kenobi in the last 'sexiest jedi' poll?"

"yes, because general fisto was winning and general kenobi deserves our support."

"well there you go."

helix doesn't want to think about any of the jedi generals in terms of sexiness (except one, maybe, and isn't that a new and shining and fragile line of thought), especially not kenobi. he coughs lightly into his fist, catching their immediate attention. "widespread pining aside, i know i can count on you both to be discreet about this," he tells them. "i probably wouldn't say anything to him if this damned disease wasn't going to force my hand, but as it is... well. i'll figure something out. i just need some time."

helix may not have any prior experience with this kind of love, but he knows it's not the sort of thing he can confess easily or casually, like he does to his brothers. nor does he anticipate circumstances conspiring to give him a good opening, like he had with obi-wan.

he has to figure out how to tell mace he's in love with him. a clone in love with a natborn. in love with a jedi, and the master of the order, at that.

but first, there's the rift. the past. and there's ben.

(watching mace tread carefully around ben does nothing to tamp down helix's feelings. he coughs for some minutes every morning, now. petals and more petals, mixed with mucus. sometimes it's tinged pink.)

he doesn't find the time. he doesn't make the time.

in his defense, there's very little time to be found or made.

he blinks, and ben is gone, the rift sealed, and mace has so many duties pulling him in every direction. helix is busy, too -- the clones are hurtling toward citizenship, and one of their first acts of freedom after the war is declared over?

[shoulder the sky spoilers redacted]

mace is going with them. he's on a different ship.

helix coughs and coughs and coughs. he takes suppressants during the day, and pays for it at night. pink turns to red. petals turn to buds, then to blooming flower heads. a leaf here, a young stalk there.

some nights he lays next to the commode after heaving up half a garden and gasps for air, his vision darkening all around the edges.

needle and stitch notice. of course they do. they know his throat is sore, his breathing hampered. they see the exhaustion dogging his steps.

needle takes helix aside one day and very, very seriously affixes an emergency call bracelet to his wrist. "it calls to stitch and me, both," he says crisply. "use it any time, any shift. you know we mean that."

helix just looks at it, guilt stirring down deep. he's killing himself slowly here, like a moron. and he's making them watch.

"helix," needle presses.

"i will," helix tells him softly.

"don't make us find you," needle begs him.

which is what makes helix decide he actually will use the damn thing. if he needs to.

he needs to sooner than he expected.

he gets a comm from mace that makes him chuckle fondly for half a day after. that night, he coughs so frantically that he finds himself fumbling for the bracelet -- he's going to pass out, he can't stay upright, he's afraid he'll vomit and aspirate, so he tumbles sideways and hopes it's close enough to the recovery position --

he comes awake hacking, convulsing with it. a hand strikes his back firmly, and a voice murmurs to him that he's all right, most of it's out already, there are just a few residuals, it's okay, you're okay...

he blinks wetly up at needle and stitch, who've wedged themselves into the little 'fresher with him and look very solemn indeed.

"drink this slowly," stitch commands, passing down an opened bulb of water. it's been warmed and tastes like salt and lozenges -- one of stitch's own recipes for sore throats.

needle holds helix's head in his lap, stroking his hair. "we pulled the major obstructions out while you were unconscious." he pauses. "it's never been this bad before."

he's scared them. he can see it.

"you have to tell him," stitch says, with such clear uncomprehending pain that helix has to close his eyes against it. "you can't do this for much longer, not without staying in medbay for observation and intervention."

"which means we'll tie you to a bed and intubate you and you'll have to make your confession via battle sign," needle adds darkly.

it's a little funny. helix doesn't mean to laugh, but he does, a little. a cough rattles free.

"i'm sorry, boys," he murmurs, and presses his cheek to needle's leg. "i really am. your cmo is an idiot."

"yes," stitch agrees. "which is why i already asked ponds to have general windu comm you tomorrow at lunch time. you can tell him then and your throat and lungs can start healing."

"you asked ponds...?" helix croaks in surprise.

"well. i asked ace who asked ponds who called to ask me for clarification and then told me he'd arrange it."

needle is all smiles. he lays a hand across helix's brow. "i want to hear the details of that conversation later."

"later," stitch agrees peaceably.

helix gives a shallow sigh. he didn't want to do this over comms, but he's running out of options and he knows it.

fast forward, the call with mace gets interrupted, helix does not get to tell him. he ends up back in medbay and needle and stitch look so hopeful and he feels worse about having to shake his head than he does about his own diminishing health.

(it's not an easy death, or so he imagines. there's never been a clone who lived long enough to die of this particular ailment. they don't even really know how long it might take.)

there won't be another chance to talk to mace before they make planetfall. it will have to wait.

(he shakes his head, no he didn't tell mace, no he's not taking a shift off even though he was up late gagging on flowers, no he doesn't need a break, he's fine, he just needs to sip water and take a hit off the inhaler stitch concocted for him)

it must be mentioned that some of the 212th has noticed their cmo seems a bit off. the boys aren't stupid, and they're so accustomed to the way a clone ought to look and move that deviations due to injury or illness stand out like flashing alarms. helix's color isn't great, and his breathing is wrong, and he doesn't move as quickly as he used to. he talks like it hurts his throat. he shifts his balance like he's fighting dizziness, sometimes.

it's noticeable. they notice. they have noticed.

cody is the one who comes to ask. he sets his helmet precisely on the corner of helix's desk and looks him squarely in the eye. "you're sick," he says, straight to the point.

helix doesn't bother asking how he knows, or whether anyone else does, too. it's likely that every clone aboard has a hunch, at least, or has heard about someone else's. (kenobi is actually the least likely to know. clones keep some things strictly in-house, and old habits die hard.) "i am."

cody nods slowly. "treatable?"

"in a manner of speaking." helix sighs, shallow and careful. "but not at the moment. i'm managing."

"will you need to go back to coruscant for treatment?"

helix considers for a moment. it might not be a bad idea if cody knows the truth. he's trustworthy with secrets, and if helix does croak, someone ought to tell obi-wan why. "it's hanahaki."

cody's expression is sort of hilarious. "you -- what?"

"the love disease. i'm coughing up flowers. it'll kill me at some point, if, well. you know."

cody opens and closes his mouth, and apparently has to sit down, because he drops out of his upright parade rest and into a chair as though he's had a few strings cut. "what the kark," he finally says.

helix grins wryly at him. "yeah."

"that's... i didn't know anyone got off kamino with that. they all got caught as cadets."

"most did."

"but not you."

"not me."

cody just stares at him. "you're sick because you love someone and you haven't told them."

"that's the sum of it, yes."

"helix, that is the stupidest way a clone could possibly die."

helix is surprised into laughing, which threatens to send him into a coughing fit. he reaches for the inhaler, smiling, and rasps, "don't i fucking know it, cody."

(it will occur to helix later that he really should have ribbed cody about his thing for the general -- if cody had been coughing flowers, it might have saved them all years of watching him and kenobi sashay around each other like nubian flamingos.)

cody doesn't ask who it is, and helix doesn't volunteer the information. it's immaterial to the situation they're all about to be in, anyway.

cody does tell helix in no uncertain terms to get his shit together, though. he does not want him to die of this like some tongue-tied airhead shiny.

truthfully, that leaves helix feeling very cheerful indeed. after they've [redacted], he decides. he'll find mace somewhere and tell him. short and sweet.

[redacted shit happens]

helix glimpses mace twice, from a distance.

there's no time to talk to him.

and then there's even less time than before.

[redacted redacted]

he's choking before he can catch a full breath. choking, coughing fruitlessly, clutching his chest, his throat, staggering to his knees instinctively because he knows he's going to fall --

someone is shouting. several someones, nearby and far away. there are hands on him, frantic questions, a light in his eyes. so many dismayed expressions hovering over him, he wants to bark at them to quit gawking and do something before they catch flies.

he can't speak. blood slides down his throat, coats his lips. there's a flower caught at the root of his tongue, huge and strangling. he can't breathe. he can't breathe. he can't --

he wakes up.

it's slightly surprising, to be honest.

he knows he's in his own medbay before he's even fully conscious. the sounds, the smell, the feel of the place is sunk into his bones by now. he knows it. it's home.

helix gingerly swallows, curling his fingers slightly in the blanket. he's so sore inside. breathing hurts. his throat feels like it's been peeled raw. his chest is tight. the oxygen cannula in his nose is some relief, but he'd blackmail somebody for a lozenge or warm water with an analgesic dissolved in it right now.

"are you awake, helix?" someone murmurs from the bedside.

helix licks his lips, tasting the medbay chap gel there, and opens his eyes, blinking blearily until obi-wan's face swims into focus. "sir," he tries to say, and his voice is such a ruin, his throat flares with such pain, that he shuts up immediately.

"no, shh, don't try to talk," obi-wan says quietly. "you don't have to talk. just rest. i'm sure needle or stitch will be over in a minute, they've been watching over you very carefully."

helix absolutely believes that. his heart twists. they're such good boys. they deserve better than this bullshit. there's enough going on without them having to manage their cmo, too.

obi-wan eyes him a moment. "i didn't know you were sick," he offers quietly. "and no -- that isn't a criticism. you're entitled to your privacy. i'll go if you prefer that i am not here, but i wanted to watch over you while you slept, at least for a little while."

helix could cry, and he almost too tired to stop up the impulse. almost. he points wearily at an insulated cup on the bedside table. it's full of ice chips, he knows. kenobi can stay if he pays his way in ice chips.

obi-wan cottons on in an instant and immediately fetches the cup and a spoon. he feeds helix an ice chip without another word.

the trickle of cold water hurts. then it feels wonderful.

needle is the first to arrive over, and his smile is warm and sweet, though there's stress in the pinch at the corners of his eyes, and in the careful way he checks helix's vitals and monitors and the tuck of his pillows.

"you can read the chart if you want details," he tells helix softly. "but it was close." he pauses significantly, and helix glances at kenobi and then nods at needle, wordlessly giving him clearance to keep going. "we cleared your throat and suctioned your lungs as much as we could, but the... symptoms have advanced to the point that surgery is the next step. and no, we have no idea if that would help or make things worse."

helix sure as hell doesn't think surgically scraping the plants out will fix him. he shakes his head gently and sets a hand at needle's cheek, all gratitude and apology.

“that's what we thought you'd say." needle cups his hand over helix's, and he's still smiling, but it's even more painful now. "we're not sure how many more episodes like that you can survive, helix. and even if you... get the treatment, we don't know if the damage will reverse fully. no one's ever gotten to this stage, that we know of."

helix nods and eats another ice chip when it's offered. he's been thinking about that, too. whether his body will heal as magically as it's destroying itself, if he confesses to mace. nobody can know what to expect.

"needle," obi-wan interjects quietly, "is it... the treatment, is it a matter of cost? availability? i can make sure you have access to any help the temple can provide. anything we can do."

helix reaches for obi-wan's hand and squeezes it, and needle shakes his head. "sorry, sir. that's not the problem. there's nothing you can do."

obi-wan eyes him shrewdly, fingers curled securely around helix's. "but there's something that can be done. yes?"

"yes, sir."

"who do i need to make pleasant or unpleasant overtures at, in that case?"

helix huffs a silent laugh. their general is truly one of the finest the temple has on offer. /windu,/ he signs succinctly. /need windu./

obi-wan does not ask why he needs mace. he simply procures him.

needle is off duty and asleep, obi-wan is long gone, and stitch is helping helix sip some more lozenge-water when mace arrives, not three hours later.

he's such a welcome and painful sight, helix feels his chest constricting. he swallows his water carefully and lifts a hand in wan greeting. (truly, he thinks morosely, he has never felt more attractive a prospect than he does right now.)

"obi-wan told me you asked for me," mace tells him, coming to the bedside, his expression all concern. "i didn't hear you had collapsed until a short while ago. will you be all right?"

helix can't speak, still. there's no amount of painkillers that can mend his raw throat enough to let him talk. he gives the signs for /red band triage/, which isn't the clearest answer but it's as close as he can get with battle sign.

"red," mace interprets. "critical but salvageable, given immediate treatment." off stitch's and helix's confirmation, he looks between the two of them seriously. "how can i help? obi-wan seemed to think the treatment is something you can't access by yourselves, but he didn't know any details."

helix pats stitch's chest gently and flashes him a couple of signs. stitch nods -- he's not always great with reading the nuance of battle signs when they're used in other contexts, but these he can read easily enough.

"it's very private, sir," stitch explains, his voice pitched low, for their ears only. "a secret. no one knows. this condition is rare, and as far as we know, helix is the only one with the predisposition to have survived this long, and this is the latest stage of acuity anyone's ever seen."

mace absorbs that and gives helix a Look. "there's such a thing as striving to be singular in too many areas, you realize."

helix grins at him. he wants to touch him. he holds the impulse back.

"i'll let helix tell you himself how, exactly, the condition manifests, if he chooses to do that," stitch continues soberly. "but it's serious, and he will die if he doesn't take the necessary action in time." his expression twists. "there's not much time left, as far as we can tell."

"i see." mace presses a hand to helix's arm, warm and grounding. "what can i do to help?"

helix looks up at him. little gods, mace is so handsome, and his dark eyes are endlessly deep, unfathomably sincere. the constriction in helix's chest winds tighter, and he gulps in a breath, signs quickly to stitch.

"you can listen, sir," stitch replies softly. his palm rests lightly on helix's brow for a moment. "i'll be nearby if you need me." and then he's gone, stepping away and twitching the privacy screen closed behind him.

they're quiet with each other a moment. helix isn't sure how to begin this conversation, especially since he can't actually fucking say most of what he wants to. he hesitates, picks at the blanket.

"it's been a while since we were alone together," mace remarks easily. "i haven't talked with you in person for weeks." he arches a brow. "would i have noticed you were sick, i wonder."

helix considers. /maybe,/ he signs. he's been in obi-wan's presence a couple of times since this bout started, but not since it got bad, and anyway, obi-wan's been slightly busy, himself. if he didn't notice, it wasn't for lack of care. mace might have picked up on something, but there's no way to know, now.

"it seems to have gotten serious fairly quickly, in any case." mace tips his head, presses his lips together slightly, as he does when he's working through strong emotions. "stitch said you needed me to listen, helix. i am listening."

this is it. after everything, it feels almost anticlimactic. and yet -- it's unbearably dramatic, with helix lying on his near-literal deathbed and reduced to using gods-damned battle signs to confess his adoration.

(why me, he laments internally, and not for the first time in his existence.)

/insufficient signs,/ he begins. /rig on the fly./

"you don't have the signs to say what you want to, but you'll figure out how to get your meaning across," mace interprets aloud.

/you know s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g signs?/

"yes, i know the sign alphabet."

/copy./ helix swallows, his throat feeling more raw than ever, if that's even possible. /you and i. take cover together. trench battle. review footage./

mace takes in the sequence and nods slowly, somberly. "you showed incredible conviction and kindness, in suffering through that for obi-wan."

/you had injury. you k-i-n-d. no success without you./

mace quirks the faintest smile. "far be it from me to argue while you haven't got your sharp tongue available in full. it seems unfair."

helix hopes his expression conveys something like "damn straight." /i have an urgent report,/ he signs, and it's so stupid, but he thinks mace will catch his meaning.

"you have something important to say," mace guesses. "to say to me, specifically?"

helix nods. his tongue feels dry, despite all of the ice chips and stitch's water.

he lifts his hand and spells, slow and clear.

/i l-o-v-e y-o-u/

he sees it, the exact moment the meaning becomes clear.

mace's eyes don't go round, he's far too controlled for that, but there's an opening-up in his expression, a glimpse of utter surprise.

"you love me," he echoes, so very softly. "i didn't misunderstand?"

/l-o-v-e./ and, because why not, helix taps his own chest twice, directly over his heart, and points to mace.

and something in his chest twists. helix gasps thickly, claws at the neck of his scrubs and digs his heels against the mattress. terror spirals through him -- is it killing him anyway, was he too late, is mace going to watch him die -- ?

the alarms are shrieking. there are hands on his arms, on his chest, on his face. mace is here, warm and steady. stitch has reappeared and is just as steady, in his own way -- grim and fast and going through the steps, a dance they both know like --

well. shit. they know it like breathing, don't they?

"sit him up," stitch orders sharply. "in case he has to cough it up."

they slide their hands behind his back, hoist him half upright, half leaning into the support. helix doesn't quite feel like coughing. his chest feels -- strange. not necessarily bad. but strange.

he swallows and realizes with a start that his throat doesn't hurt. the weight on his chest is sliding free, like someone's released a vice around his ribs.

"helix," stitch says imploringly, "cough if you need to. i'm right here. i'll help you get it out."

helix tentatively sips at the air, disbelieving. there's no pain. no threatening tickle in his throat, no sandbags in his lungs. he's still tired, and his head is spinning, but -- but --

he shuts his eyes and sucks in a deep breath, the kind he hasn't been able to draw for weeks.

stitch's hand does not leave his back, but the familiar sounds of a scanner start up. "oh," he says, shocked at whatever he sees.

mace's hands are here, too. one at helix's back, the other secure around his arm. "what is it?"

helix breathes in again and again, biting the inside of his lip and mashing down the urge to cry with relief. he opens his eyes and looks at stitch. "i'm fine?" he asks aloud. his voice is a little thready still, but he thinks that's just reaction, not damage.

stitch nods, huge-eyed. "the scan indicates no abnormalities. no blockage, no foreign mass."

helix smiles at him. he takes his face in his hands and leans to press a kiss to his forehead. "scram for a minute, i want to talk to mace. get needle, will you?"

stitch scrams, nearly tripping over himself on his way out.

mace's expression is bemused but soft when helix turns to him. "sorry about all of this," helix tells him first, reflexively. "i didn't mean to let it go so long."

"i believe you." mace curls a hand around helix's, gently, questioningly. "i have never quite felt anything like that in the force before. are you all right, really?"

helix grins at him and squeezes his hand. "i'm better than i've been in a while, mace. the boys will run tests to be sure, but i feel like it's receded completely. and the damage got undone, but don't ask me how the hells that happened."

"that question is maybe sixth on my list," mace says dryly. "i would rather ask you if you meant to tell me what you did, just now."

an easy question, in a way. helix looks at him squarely. "yes. i meant it." he feels his smile turn crooked. "i love you. i have for months, i think."

mace does not take his hand from helix's. he looks like he's listening to something far away. it's a very jedi look. "i won't do you the disservice of pretending i don't know what kind of love you mean."

"i appreciate that."

without so much as a blink, mace is back with him, right here, close and sturdy. he lifts his other hand and cups helix's cheek. "you must know that i have thought very highly of you since the beginning." there's something in his voice, a note of softness helix hasn't heard from him before. "i have cared for you for nearly as long. we were in the trench together, as you said. a bond not easily forgotten, even if i were of a mind to."

helix nods wordlessly. he realizes he's holding his breath and makes himself inhale. he doesn't know what answer to expect from mace, but whatever it is, it'll be kind. mace is kind.

mercifully, mace is also straightforward. "i think that, given room to grow, my regard for you will become love." he smiles, more a warm cast in his eyes than a curve of lips. "quickly."

helix covers his hand where it's fitted to his cheek. "what kind of fertilizer do you need?" he asks, a chuckle threatening for more than one reason.

END

[limeleviathan]

introducing traumatised lesbians: part 2!

meet Cerulean

yes im using the same second image as i did with AVIAN, sue me

anyway, this is Cerulean! she goes by she/her and is AVIAN's beloved girlfriend

her speech indicator will be C, for example (C: do you need a hug?)

she is one of the few members of the group who is not a Subject of Operation Vanguard, however she bore witness to what caused AVIAN to become part of it, and was most supportive of getting her the help she needed. she is incredibly compassionate, but fiercely defends her friends, drawing her blade if she believes any of them to be in danger

she is the quietest member of the group by far when around people she doesnt know, but around her closest friends, or especially her girlfriend, AVIAN, she is able to talk for hours

while she has no special abilities herself, the sword she wields does grant access to Blinking, a low-distance, electrified teleport, and the sword itself is capable of chaining lightning in exchange for a large amount of energy

BACKSTORY (Sunset Beginnings)

its an even longer one than the other two, 3000 words this time :3

I’ve never been the extroverted type. The fact that some people are able to talk to new people easily just doesn’t make sense to me. Whenever I see someone cool, someone who I want to get to know better, I’ve tried talking, but for some reason, when I began the conversation, it quickly ground to a halt.

Naturally, this made school difficult. Where others were in bustling circles, each group intertwined through a person or two, I sat alone. Whenever I tried to change that, people just moved on. I felt like no one wanted me. I felt like no one cared. A few other kids tried to stick with me out of pity, but I just couldn’t handle the group environment of most friend groups.

It wouldn’t come as a surprise that group projects always filled me with dread. Usually, when I see everyone else’s results, I see them all standing together, sharing together, enjoying each other’s company. My groups, however, are never that cohesive. While the rest of the group is always just talking and being happy, they leave me all the work because I don’t talk much, and then when my nervousness prevents me from sharing, they just take all the credit! I was considering just leaving school altogether, and I was only 10!

This all changed one day, though. As I walked into class, hoping I wouldn’t get too screwed over in the group project I knew we had today, the teacher gestured for me to sit at the table at the back of the room. Not a great start, considering the kind of kids that usually sit there. At least for now, though, the table sat empty, and I waited anxiously to find out who I would be with.

And then she walked in. I saw, coming through the door, the vibrant orange of Tangelo, known for assisting anyone with any troubles whatsoever. Whether just a confusing homework question or even losing a family member, she always put others first, and always made sure that the problem was managed before she left. I had always been hoping that someday I may be able to talk to her about my inability to make friends, but just being in her vicinity made the words get caught in my throat.

She followed the teacher’s gesture to my table, her face glowing with excitement. She was my opposite in almost every way imaginable: while I was reserved and kept to myself, she had an expansive circle of friends and talking to others was second nature to her. While I was always shy and scared of others’ perception of me, she was proud and uncaring of any criticisms anyone else has. Not that they have any. She had never made an enemy, as far as I knew.

Ever since our first day in this class, she had caught my attention and I wished I could be closer to her. The way she always smiles when anyone compliments her, the way she fervently defends anyone being bullied or even just insulted, the way she lights up the room just by entering it. Unfortunately, she made me more nervous than anyone else at first, so I was simply hoping that she would someday approach me.

Now, as I sat right next to her, I hoped that it would finally happen. And it did. About a minute after sitting down, she started talking. I still love how she is able to talk for hours on end, even when she has a sore throat and it physically hurts. She just loves the company of others, and being able to listen to her ramble on about her interests still warms my heart.

Wait, I’m getting sidetracked now. Where was I? Oh wait, she just sat down. Yeah, as she started talking, I immediately felt nervous, but unlike with anyone else, I was still able to talk relatively comfortably.

“Hi!” she exclaimed, her permanent smile still as bright as ever. “Hey,” I responded quietly, not sure how to approach a conversation like this. “Sorry in advance that you have to work with me… you probably know that I can’t present too well, so I think I’m going to have to leave that to you…” “Hey, don’t apologise. I didn’t just get put into this with you, I wanted to work with you. You’ve always been alone, and when you haven’t, you’ve always been thrown with the… less mature kids. Anyway, I asked Mr. Saffron if I could work with you, and he let us!” “You… you actually wanted to work with me? I… I’ve never actually had anyone want to spend time with me, let alone work with me.” “Well, that’s their loss! From what I’ve seen throughout the year, you’re a really cool person, and I probably would have approached you a little sooner if it weren’t for how you often seem kinda uncomfortable when talking with people.” “Wait, you noticed that? I’d always thought I’d kept that a lot more hidden…” “It is actually hidden fairly well, it’s just that I’ve always been able to tell when people don’t feel comfortable. Hey, if you want, you could hang out with me and my friends at lunch! We’re usually in the games room, you could meet us there!” “We have a games room?! Why did no one tell me about this sooner?!” “I take it you’re interested, then!” “Absolutely! Video games are my favourite!” “Well, I’ll see you there! Also it’s good to see you being excited, I haven’t seen that too much this year and I’m glad I’ve been able to help!”

She was right. I couldn’t remember the last time I was excited to do something social at the time. Usually I’d thought of it as a chore, but that time? Between spending more time with Tangelo and getting to maybe meet more people who love gaming, I was genuinely excited to meet someone for the first time in years.

We kept chatting as we worked on our poster, and when class finished, Tangelo led me out and towards the games room. As we stepped into the room, I was amazed. The whiteboard that stretched across the room was glowing with the light of a screen I knew well, coming from a projector at the back of the room. I looked around and saw a long table with bags and lunch boxes scattered across. In the centre of the room lay patches of beanbags, with 2 couches at the back. There was a group of sticks gathered around the front, where they each connected their controllers before they all turned to us.

“Hi guys!” Tangelo said, cheerfully. “We’ve got a new player here! Cerulean, say hi!” “Hey…” I murmured, not expecting to encounter so many people here. Tangelo noticed my hesitation, and turned to me, face warm with compassion. “It’s alright to be nervous. I know you struggle with talking to new people, especially so many.” How did she know? “Maybe it’d be better if we introduce you through the game. You know how to play Smash?” “Do I?! Of course I do!” “Well then! Grab a controller and let's play!”

I ran excitedly to the front of the room, and a tall purple stick handed me a pro controller. That stick came to be known as ARACHNID, Tangelo’s adopted sibling and fellow Subject later on. They have expressed wishes for their former name to not be disclosed, so I’ll just refer to them as ARACHNID from here on out. Anyway, I grabbed the controller, thanked them, and flopped onto a beanbag. Tangelo sat down with me shortly after. Then, we began.

These sticks were a lot better than I was expecting, but I think I held my own fairly well, especially considering that this was my first ever 8 player game. They were all so welcoming, and when I won game 3, they had an idea.

“Let’s all go random!” a green stick called out. Another stick I got to know better later on. Her, although at the time it was his, name was Forest, now known as LEVIATHAN or Lime. The reasoning behind that last nickname was an interesting one. One day, a while later, she would just pull a lime out of her backpack, mid-game, and just… take a bite out of it. Skin and everything. It was… certainly an interesting thing to witness, and distracted us just long enough for her to just get two free kills in that game. We never got distracted like that again, but we called her Lime from then on out.

Anyway, we all went random, and chaos ensued as almost everyone groaned after seeing their fighters, and then proceeded to target Tangelo who allegedly got one of her best ones. She still won. Her skill was admirable, and although the gap has closed slightly, it’s always impressive when she manages the impossible.

We kept playing until Lime checked her watch and declared that this was the last game. Upon its completion, we packed the switch into the drawer at the front of the room, which contained many more games and controllers left unused. I thanked everyone for letting me play and being so kind, and they let me know that I could return every day if I wanted to. Now, fast forward 4 years, me and Tangelo still go daily, with her whole friend group, although Lime and ARACHNID have both moved on to high school. Allegedly they also have a gaming group there, and also play Smash, so I expect that when we arrive next year, Lime will be ready to take us on in a school environment once more.

Anyway, that's enough about Year 5, time to talk about the next big moment. In Year 7, Tangelo invited me to her house for a sleepover, and her being my bestie, I accepted immediately. Here’s the difficult part, though. I had realised I was actually a lesbian a few months prior, when I began to develop a crush on her. I knew that I would probably get rejected, since she was probably straight and wouldn’t feel the same way, but after all that time, I thought I might as well tell her.

I thought of an amazing idea as to how: Truth or Dare. Never have I heard of a sleepover where Truth or Dare was never played, and you are bound to speak the truth there. So I decided I would try and slightly manipulate the game to the point where someone, hopefully Tangelo, would ask me about my crush. 

As I arrived, I greeted Tangelo with the standard hug and bonk on the head that we often did to each other. She welcomed me inside, and showed me around. I saw ARACHNID just sitting in the living room on their phone, and they waved when they saw me. I waved back. When we got to Tangelo’s room, we heard the doorbell, and both sprinted back to the door to welcome Lime in. We all went back to Tangelo’s room, and I actually got a chance to look at it this time.

It was a fairly cosy yet chaotic place that reflected Tangelo very well. The bed was vibrant blues and oranges in a sunset, completely unmade. The corner of the room housed a large bookshelf, filled to the brim with many different series. Her bedside table held a stack of books seven high, all from one series. A desk in the corner held her laptop, and there was an external keyboard and mouse connected to it, all glowing a pale blue. I felt at ease in her room. I felt calm.

Another knock at the door, and Tangelo ran back over to let Scarlet in. As they both returned, we all sat on Tangelo’s bed and continued chatting. Eventually, Tangelo suggested we play Truth or Dare to spice things up. Considering that I was hoping for it, I accepted immediately, and Scarlet began.

“Tangelo, truth or dare?” she asked. “Let's start with a truth.” Tangelo replied. “Have you ever wished you could kill anyone?” “Nope! I try not to make enemies if I can avoid it, and besides, messing with them in every way imaginable is a lot more fun.” “...How would you know that it’s more fun?” Lime asked curiously. “Doesn’t take much thought to know that messing with someone is more fun than murder,” Tangelo responded. “Fair enough.”

I went next.

“Scarlet, truth or dare?” I asked. “Truth,” she responded. “Lotta truth already, huh,” I responded. “Anyway, have you ever had a crush on anyone?” “Yeah. There’s this one guy in my math class, you wouldn’t know him though. His name’s Turquoise.” 

Next up was Tangelo.

“Forest, truth or dare?” “Truth,” he responded, sounding… nervous? Also I’m using he because that’s what he was at the time. That wouldn’t last much longer. “Hmmmm… What is your biggest secret?”

He took a deep breath, clearly mentally preparing to let out something big. We all waited anxiously, wondering what could be making him so nervous, especially considering that he very rarely got nervous at all, let alone THAT nervous. 

At last, with a deep inhale, he finally began. “I… I’m…” He sighed, and, with a sudden burst of energy, announced “Ya boy’s a girl!” We all sat in silence for a moment, shocked by the sudden announcement, before Scarlet began chanting “One of us! One of us! One of us!”

Me and Tangelo immediately burst out laughing, before both flopping forwards to hug Lime. Scarlet joined us a moment later.

“I’m so glad you were able to tell us,” Tangelo told Lime, slightly muffled by being mid-hug with 3 other sticks. “And managing to keep your usual energy? That would have been tough with how stressful that must have been. We are all so proud of you” “Damn right we are!” Scarlet added, her voice filled with her usual fervour. “We’ll always love you, girl!” I exclaimed. In a much softer tone, I added, “we’ll always be here for you, you can come to us if you need it.” “Thanks guys,” Lime responded, “I’m so glad you all are so supportive. It means a lot to me.”

We all sat there for a few minutes, hugging each other like there was no tomorrow, before Lime sat up once more.

“Well, the game’s still going,” Lime announced, “and it’s my turn! Cerulean, truth or dare!” We all returned to where we were sitting, eager to return to the game. “Let’s mix things up a little. Dare!” “Slap ARACHNID with a fish.” “What?” “You heard me.” “Why?” “Why not?” “Hey, sorry to burst your bubble, but there aren’t any fish in this house right now,” Tangelo stated, sounding… regretful? Why was everyone so intent on me slapping Tangelo’s sibling with a fish? “I’ll deal with that,” Scarlet said, eyes filled with determination, “nearest supermarket is only a couple minute walk if I’m fast enough. I’ll have your fish soon!”

With that, she left the room. I was still confused on why everyone wanted me to slap Tangelo’s sibling with a fish, but hey, a dare’s a dare. In the meantime, we opted to continue our game without Scarlet until she returned. It was my turn once again. I decided to continue my plan.

“Forest, truth or dare.” “Truth.” Perfect. “Who is your crush?” “Don’t have one right now.”

I hoped that Tangelo would continue the cycle. This question frequently began one.

“Cerulean,” she asked, seeming surprisingly hesitant, “truth or dare?” I hoped this would lead where I thought it would. “Truth.” “Who… who is your crush?” This was exactly what I was hoping for. And it was incredibly nerve-wracking. But I wasn’t going to back down now. Nervousness be damned, I was going to confess! “My crush…” I began, nervousness near overwhelming. “My crush is… it’s you, Tangelo. But I know you’re probably straight, so I haven’t told you… until now.”

Lime went silent, turning to Tangelo. Tangelo seemed even redder than usual.

“That…” she stuttered, clearly nervous about something. “That was… This is… I can’t believe…” She stopped, as though words were failing her, and then simply jumped forward and hugged me. As I sat there, about to hug back, feeling my face burning up, she whispered “I had a crush on you too.”

Lime sat there for a moment in awe, then finally let her excitement show, letting out an incoherent string of words, clearly excited that her friends had found love, and that she was there to witness it.

Now, to this day, that was still the greatest day of my life. Me and Tangelo are still together, two years later, and have really been through thick and thin. I mean, yeah, we did both explode in a car crash that one time, and it was easily the most terrifying moment of my life, since while me and her mum had recovered quickly enough, she was still completely unconscious, and had to have cybernetic replacements to save her life.

She made it through completely fine, especially due to Lime, now also known as Subject: LEVIATHAN, and her newfound mechanical abilities. ARACHNID went into the Operation that saved her life as well, which is where they got the name of Subject: ARACHNID. Now, me and Tangelo, who is now also known as Subject: AVIAN, like to make use of her new abilities of flight to fly around the sunset, me in her arms, away from the rest of the world. 

I am so glad I was able to meet her, and I love her with all my heart. She was my only friend when I had no others, and then as I got to meet her friends, I finally had a group I felt at home with.

Oh yeah, Scarlet did get back, she did get a fish, and I did slap ARACHNID with it. They were confused for a moment, but found it very funny as well. Good times!

[anzulvr]

Chiba & Terasaka fight!

requested by: @blitzdragonking

꒰ pre fight ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･

Chiba wasn’t the most confrontational person, anytime Terasaka said anything he’d just ignore it.

Today, though, Terasaka was acting like a bigger nuisance than usual.

He kept going on and on about some new combat technique he'd learned from Karasuma and how eager he was to kick someone's ass with it; he was referring to Karma; ever since he'd lost to Karma in an overly aggressive "sparring" session last week, he'd been looking for vengeance.

Terasaka was determined to return the favor, so he had been working extra hard.

"That’s cool man!" Muramatsu admired

"Yeah right, his ego is too big to practice anything."

Chiba muttered. The whole class turned to face him.

"You wanna see it in practice?" Terasaka threatened.

꒰ During the fight ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

That's what got Chiba into this mess; now he was out in the forest after school in a fight ready stance.

"This’ll teach ya not to open that big mouth of yours."

He wasn’t wrong, Chiba was already beating himself up for saying something, and now he had to fight Terasaka? As much as he completely stood by the fact that Terasaka needed to be humbled, he didn’t want to be the one doing it.

"Are you going to stand there and do nothing, or are you fighting?"

"Karma? The hell are you doing here?"

"I didn’t feel like going to class or staying home; this is great—I've got front row seats, but don’t mind me." He put his DS down.

Terasaka launched himself first, Chiba managed to dodge by a millisecond.

Chiba threw a punch, Terasaka then grabbed onto his hand hard before it made any impact; in doing so he leaves the other one open.

Chiba punches Terasaka right in the nose; blood trickles down his face.

"You’re gonna get your ass beaten by Chiba too?" Karma instigates

"No but I’m gonna beat yours when I’m done-"

Terasaka doesn’t waste time closing the distance between them again; if he was holding back before, he definitely wasn’t holding back anymore.

He put his arms under Chibas and wrapped them around his neck, adding pressure, a full Nelson hold.

"You wanted to see it in practice, no?"

Chiba tries shuffling around with no luck; Terasaka's grip only tightens.

Chiba kicks back in an attempt to get Terasaka to loosen his grip a bit, a familiar voice rings out.

"What’s going on here?"

Korosensei’s face was red and angry.

"Ah shit—" Terasaka lets go and pats Chibas' shoulder.

"Nice round Chiba."

"Yeah-? you too?"

"Im not falling for that sparring lie again—what are you two thinking?! You could have gotten seriously injured if i had come any later."

"Well yeah, that was kind of the point?"

"Rightt we should be heading home now-"

They were pretty brave, but to face an angry Korosensei was a mess no one would willingly put themselves in, it was way too late for all of this.

"Not so fast, no one will leave until you make amends... and Karma, what are you doing here? You said you were sick.. I even made you soup.” You could hear the feeling of betrayal in his voice.

"I lied, the soup was good though.”

"Alright. Everyone inside."

꒰ Aftermath ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

"Now, I am proud of you both for the way you’ve been improving but- what if you broke his neck!!"

He scolded like a worried mother.

"And Chiba, what if Terasaka loses his sense of smell after this? How could he live without the ability to breathe in the smell of freshly baked goods?!"

He sighed before continuing.

"My point is assassin training is meant to beat enemies, not friends." Korosensei looks them in the eyes over dramatically.

"Yeah yeah, can we go now old man?"

Terasaka wasn’t touched in the slightest, but neither was Chiba who was staring out the window ready to leave, or Karma who had started playing Mario Cart again.

"No one is leaving until we resolve this, now hug."

"No way-" Chiba and Terasaka said in unison.

"Wait, why can I leave? I’m just a bystander."

Karma looked up from the game’s screen.

"Nufufufu, would you like detention for skipping class instead?"

"No.. this is fine"

"Now apologize or spend after school time cleaning the classroom together."

Chiba wraps his arms around Terasaka, who sits stiffly awkwardly patting his back.

CLICK

"Aweee, aren't you two the cutest thing!"

Karma says capturing this once in a lifetime moment on his phone.

"Delete that or I’ll kill you."

"I’m more scared of Chiba, he got you pretty good"

"I HAD HIM IMMOBILIZED??"

"YOU’RE THE ONE BLEEDING."

"All Of You. Outside right now."

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Gulps…, hellohi.. confession I’ve been daydreaming about angst recently and that cult leader Geto drabble u wrote only made me think about it even more… <///333 ignore that I’m a little bit obsessed with the mentally ill/traumatised reader + stsg trope but… can u really blame me ☹️ they would be so good and I think they would be the best comfort u could possible have :((

Ok but. more specifically reader with a rough childhood (a lil like sugu.. he def has some sort of daddy/mommy issues i will die on that hill) or some sort of abandonment/trust issues that has a habit of self sabotaging or intentionally distancing themselves. More specifically maybe grown up stsg where they’re a little more mature and have more of a grasp on how to help you better.. maybe reader has a nightmare or something, goes out for a smoke on the balcony etc etc.. sugu meets them out there n. They just have a good old fashioned talk like :( just being honest and vulnerable because it’s late and u just need a hug most of all :(( def ends with him carrying reader back to bed n playing with ur hair until you fall back asleep GODDDD KILL ME NOW ☹️☹️ moments of tenderness/vulnerability are my absolutely favourite thing in writing/shows/etc ESPECIALLY when it’s from characters that usually don’t display those sort of feelings because you just know it means there’s such a strong bond between them…. Can u hear my heart breaking

^^ either this one or reader with trust issues that’s a little cat-like personality wise (which I think fits so beautifully because stsg are the most wolf coded boys ever) who’s fully convinced they’re better off on their own, they don’t need friends or people to rely on. Until they meet stsg!!!!! Because suddenly there are two irritatingly charming losers following you around and worming their way into your heart and you just. Physically cannot bring yourself to deny them, even if it’s a little scary allowing people in. And god i think it would make them feel SO special once you started warming up to them. Allowing satoru to greet you with hugs or pinch ur cheeks… letting sugu baby you a little…… (distant screaming)

THIS HAS BEEN ANOTHER YAP SESSION BY ME ^_^ it’s literally so late at night rn I don’t know why these ideas always come to me just as I’m about to sleep ffs ☹️ N E WAYYYSSSS im looking forward to that satoru fic/drabble thing u were talking about :3 a mix of scared and excited ngl I feel like I gotta prepare myself incase it’s angsty….. but WHAT HAVE U BEEN UP TO?? It’s literally just been grey n windy where I am so I hope ur getting better weather where u are 😞😞 I HOPE U HAVE BEEN HAVING FUN N TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!!

(Also irrelevant but I was just about to add a silly image to finish and I stumbled across this image of satoru and I’m laughing my ass of why is he so lanky?????? I could NOT be his friend I would just make fun of him for being built like a fucking STICKBUG 😭😭😭 LOOK AT THE RESEMBLANCE)

(Yes I made the second image myself what do you think of my artistic talent ^_^ ignore the flag)

HELLO HI MY DEAREST OLLIE i am gulping right with you ……… this made me so insane 😔😔

i’ve said it before n i’ll say it again . ariollie STAYS synced up i’m convinced we share a brain……. your scenarios always make me feel so ill (affectionate) and this scenario just means sm to me :((( they really would be the best!!! a reader like that would be treated so tenderly and with sm understanding…. especially since suguru and satoru had rough upbringings too!! (not canon for sugu maybe but i agree w you 100% ollie i literally can’t see his childhood being anything but messed up…. he def has both mommy and daddy issues i know my own kind 🙏🙏)

aaaaa just!!! yeah. reader isolating themselves when they feel down and overwhelmed and being taken care of so effortlessly… stsg just wouldn’t let you face your struggles alone. you’re a team!!! and yeah grown up stsg would for sure be the best at this. i think that as teens they won’t know exactly how to help/might be a little overwhelming….. but as adults they’re more mature and grounded and have a better understanding of your struggles and their own!!! goshhhhh the balcony scene 😔😔😔 ollie do you want my heart to shatter (also what if i told you that exact scenario has popped up in my head multiple times we’re so linked) suguru would just be so vulnerable and patient and caring :(((( our papa bear…. carries you to bed and lulls you to sleep. for sure makes you a warm cup of tea too… sighhh i need him i fear 💔💔

AND AND ANDDDD a catlike reader 😵‍💫😵‍💫 one of my personal favs. independent and a little distant….. used to being on their own……. very picky with who they allow close. it’s just PERFECT for stsg (WOLFCODED BOYS SO TRUEEE)… ollie the way you describe it all makes me feel ILLLL they really would feel so honoured 😭😭😭 cue satoru melting into a puddle when you finally wrap your arms around him….. suguru literally grinning like an idiot (he’s trying DESPERATELY not to but it’s impossible) when you shyly ask him for affection. yeahhhh their hearts would explode i think

ANOTHER BANGER YAP SESSION FROM OLLIEEE i look forward to them sm yknow!!! i can always trust you to have the tastiest stsg scenarios ready to go 🙏🙏🙏 i’m a lil late to this BUT i hope you had a cozy sleep my friend <3 AND WAHH i’m so glad you’re excited for bfb!satoru!!!! i’m gonna try to get it out by next weekend…… i promise not to make it angsty hehe it’s just a lil bittersweet!!! a tiny bit!!!! (depends on how you feel abt the unrequited love trope though 😭😭) IT’S GRAY N WINDY HERE TOO i’m hoping for more sunlight soon………. and i’m doing well hehe i’ve been playing a bunch of pj sekai + watching my favorite streamer play zero escape >:33 WHAT ABT UUU OLLIE what have you been up to?? good things i hope!!! pls remember to rest up and take care of yourself as well <333 it’s what stsg would’ve wanted!!!

(also PHDKDVDJDJYFU NOT THE SATORU SLANDER?????? 😭😭😭 LEAVE MY STICKBUG ALONE???????? i snorted so loud thank you for the free art it’s beautiful <333 i’m gna print it and hang it on my wall.)

[notallwonder]

Alrighty. Here we are. Criminal Minds 16x06, "True Conviction". I've already seen it a couple times now, but I wanted to do one of these anyway.

Spoilers and extremely long play-by-play under the cut.

I'm unreasonably psyched for this

this technobabble doesn't wholly make sense to me. why would GPS matter?

obvs the most recognizable thing about JJ is the symbol of her marriage, great

lmao this is how I know I'm way down the rabbit hole for Paget - when I first saw Garcia's "bring 'em home, Emily" line, my brain helpfully supplied the sound of Arden Myrin's hilarious impression of Peter Pilot's mom Barb crying "Bring her hooooooome, Peter!" iykyk and if you don't, it's very unimportant

the smirk and eyebrow was completely wrong for the moment, yet Incredibly Hot

big style Janeway vibes as the turbolift elevator doors close

wow the jet is schmancy - wall sconces! it's wide enough to accommodate the new aspect ratio!

SUEDE JACKET EMILY

Tara you look so sad. Wish you had a hand to hold, your friends keep getting blowed up

Luke's ALIVE yessss

oh little baby unsub running through the forest....got bopped on the head....

now he's...locked in a cupboard under the stairs? harry potter?

MAC AND CHEESE MOTIF

god I want mac and cheese

I like this bad uncle guy. He's hilarious. Real good crazy eyes.

this really could have been a musical

honestly I think my dad served me that exact meal when I was a kid and my mom was away on business. Except mine also included canned potatoes (disGUSTing)

Emily hugging Luke and like...no shot of her acknowledging JJ? It annoyed me the first time and now it's HILARIOUS. Just...conspicuously avoiding JJ? I love her relief about Alvez (me too Emily!), and she already knew that JJ was up and moving and not dead. But...they had time for that hug and nothing else? FUNNY. CM flew too close to the Jemily Sun with "200" and the long walk back is still ongoing.

I guess if I wanted to watch this with my Jemily goggles... this could fit *very* well with the plot of "Late Bloomer", a lovely fic by angestreet in progress on AO3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/43418964). ANYWAY - the not touching/having trouble being normal with JJ fits with an Emily who has been putting distance between herself and JJ for complicated emotional reasons she's just starting to understand. Or perhaps an Emily and JJ who have had some sort of personal conflict that we, the audience, were not privy to (see also: the "what ifs and if onlys" conversation in season 13). I mean, I still think it's a conspicuously odd choice on the TV screen, but there's room for some interesting storytelling there.

on the other hand - the flight down there from Quantico is at least 90 minutes. Plenty of time for the folks on the jet to get a phone update from JJ. I think we're led to believe they did NOT have that communication (i.e. the splosion interrupted cell service for a prolonged period), as otherwise why would Emily be palpably relieved about Luke's well-being once she gets eyes on him?

Ponytail Prentiss. Ma'am.

The brief and supportive embrace of JJ from Tara and Rossi? Beautiful. Chef's kiss. Lovely.

LOL this music. Teachin' the kid to lye. (haha im so funny)

So...are we to believe he is conflicted about his serial killer education?

No time for politics, Dougie boy!

ooh I wonder who the Attorney General is. Do you think we'll get to see her? Please be CCH Pounder.

Political pressure and machinations seem to be a theme this season. As I recall, prior CM painted its political villains more as bad individuals (Barnes, Strauss, seemingly Bailey at the start of this season). It does feel like CME is more deliberately placing the BAU in the context of a justice / law enforcement *system* that is corrupted or disturbed by political concerns (and otherwise wonderful and perfect and not at all corrupt in itself). Kind of interesting.

Poor Tyler.

Look! JJ talking directly to Emily! It happened! Not in the same frame, but. I just have to remind myself that these things actually happen.

Can you imagine Prentiss arm wrestling Bailey. She'd wipe the floor with that silly noodle. Her glare is too powerful, forget her arm.

So Bailey's *not* the reason they haven't been using the jet? It's the nebulous "politics"? Vague, but not a huge leap. We've already had Senator Aunt Zelda call back to the way Congress sometimes likes to hold the federal budget hostage to achieve certain ends.

ugh....friends....this should come as no surprise...... i'm so gone for her...... her visage pleases me no end..... (mind filled with spooky echoing whispers of sssmokeshhhow prentisssss)

Acting! Executive realness Emily. And she does trust Tara's ability to do the job, but is cognizant of those "politics" etc.

Tara knows she's staring at a shit sandwich coming her way. Tara, I love you. I'm sorry this is hard.

Tyler: "Some dude gave me my clothes back. Also he took my sick Crocs. I don't get it. Am I getting out of here?"

I like PG's dress.

MOAR HUGS!!!! love that. Whoopsy you hurt Luke's lil injured wrist bb.

JONATHAN DEL ARCO, my MAN. First watch through I did not recognize him but found him compelling. I love that guy. I loved seeing him reprise his role as Hugh in ST: Picard. I love his work here.

Emily is... compassionate in this interview. Doesn't feel adversarial. That look when he says he just wants to die.

Oy, poor JJ. She is stuck in this stupid situation with her business gnome husband where she gets to feel guilty AND almost got blowed up! And Will, please. "I promise to never miss your call ever again." Guys come on - be realistic here! This is So Dumb. I've never been able to hate Will despite the ways their relationship rubs me the wrong way. Because if nothing else, JJ does seem to mostly really like him. I don't get it, girl, but who am I to say? She looks really shaken in this scene. This gives me a bad feeling. I'm a little worried this storyline is going to end in her transferring out of the BAU or retiring or otherwise putting her family above her career in a more decisive way.

Tyler and Penelope... I don't hate it. Pen deserves some lovin' and she's a kind and compassionate soul. Luke adores her and he's better than Tyler in terms of current emotional stability I'd say. But the heart wants what the heart wants and sometimes the heart simply enjoys whatever is on offer. She must have her reasons.

I had to watch this Tara/Emily/Luke scene like 4 times because I couldn't hear the dialogue over everyone's insane BEAUTY. The HAIR. the..um...curves...the brown houndstooth over the navy shirt...Luke was there too...

side note: I hate the AirBnB/Target/IKEA generic-ass photography decorating the FBI offices. Federal offices are boring yes but usually in a more dorky way.

Oh! They are fighting in the Family Room.

Oh, Rebecca you little nightmare. Tara says Reeves is not Sicarius and that's all it takes for you to accuse her of dealing in conspiracy theories? That got my hackles up. FASCINATING. I can't look away.

Again...this plays into that same looming "Politics" business - the people around & in the way of our heroes are motivated by optics, by career ambition, by the *appearance* of justice served and the currency that provides. ...That exchange in episode 1602 or 1603, when Bailey suggests getting Domestic Terrorism involved to make people feel safe and Prentiss replies that that wouldn't make them safe.

This scene with Tara/Emily/Luke is lovely. They've got her back. She's a professional. Emily's reaction like "oof been there".

This interrogation. The tacit communication between Tara and Emily when Tara steps in (hot). The way Tara carefully talks her way to the point. The way Silvio's eyes cut over at "I met this woman" and then he looks away. The way the connection has been made - he does feel seen. He's smart too. And he's spent how many years committed to his path - death for the safety of the man he loved. I really enjoyed this scene.

Y'know Emily is consistently good about acknowledging Penelope's good work. I'm sure that's been true for the whole show, but noticeable here too - in 1603 when she tells PG her idea is really good, and here. Love it.

Oh now that I'm watching it carefully - PG has a whole MOMENT as she opens up about her own grief (unfortunate how many times the word "hole" appeared in this convo but wcyd). His lean in is NOT unwarranted, it's there in her eyes...

new catchphrase "it just makes the hole different"

I like Silvio's novio. I like that he found a way to live free of shame and fear. It does kind of beg the question why he didn't try harder to exonerate Silvio in the intervening years, but let's not dwell.

Rebecca's "I have never not been on your side" okay lady. you were pretty mad earlier and implied your girlfriend and her team were full of shit so... I guess you're a human being! lmao. I hate to see Tara back-footed like this but this is juicy.

oh hello hottie. Emily Prentiss, the way you sit in a chair.

Paget's delivery of "I'm not quite following" is hilarious. hashtag relatable.

So "family is what gets you killed". Family as weakness, as vulnerability. I don't doubt that over the next few episodes we'll get more rebuttal to that notion from our heroes, a la "we're a family and that's our strength."

These episodes really don't stand up on their own. They work better together. Can't wait for the next one.

[sincelastsession]

Therapy went well I feel. I am looking in my inbox for the dissociative information you were gonna send me. I really need to find a printer that doesn't have cartridges that are a zillion dollars. I'd like to be able to print out things and put it in a bright colored big binder, I think that would help me not lose therapy papers. Adhd is a bitch to find loopholes for.

One thing my Dominant partner does is loophole my brain to stop when I'm in a worry spiral. I really want to know why on earth my brain stops the bullshit for him and not other ppl or myself. It just feels like my brain clicks into place. Sometimes if he has time we have a little play and he puts me in sub space. It feels like complete relief like I'm floppy relaxed and floating and I crave and chase that feeling. There's nothing that compares. The idea of letting anyone else dominate me is sickening. It gives me a break, it's like letting someone else drive when you're so exhausted from life. He isn't a perfect Dom because honestly as a woman that has been a Domme it's not easy to always accommodate your subs and we've had hiccups but I don't think I'd trade him out for anyone else in the D/s dynamic. We've been on a break from playing for a bit because of his lack of time which bums me out but I know he can't fix that currently and is having a hard time so I've been holding space and giving him praise and recognition for being there for me at the capacity he can be currently. I think he deserves it and I'm not fawning. Sometimes I worry he will be mad. This is a very irrational fear of mine. But I worry about even the calmest of men exploding at me. I think it stems from my dad issues and general bad experiences with men. Matt knows about my fears and keeps his anger generally private unless he's asking to vent about something and needing support which he rarely does these days. At a long distance I feel as safe with him as I would in person. There are people i've known longer than him but not all of them are safe. Very few are safe, even the most well meaning in my mind.

My ex is also protective of me.

I find it odd that the men that are sorta grouchy assholes to others see me and are like "I WANT THAT WEIRD GOBLIN CREATURE AND IM GONNA PROTECT IT" This trope is HILARIOUS to me. I literally don't understand why though. I can't complain.

Travis is going to take pto for the therapy appointment.

He got me an iPad from his work with a digital art program I've been wanting. He said it was because I'm doing a good job and handling things well. I told him he didn't have to but he said he wanted to and emphasized he didn't expect anything in return and just wanted to make me happy. I'm really grateful for a friend with no ulterior motives. He works at CACRC downtown and it's just a refurbished one, they sorta get their pick of things they aren't going to sell so he assured me it wasn't something I needed to even consider paying him back for lol because I'd been talking abt buying a used one.

I do wish sometimes I had feelings for Travis other than just a really good big brother type. I wish we could cuddle as friends however I don't feel comfy and he gets it. Sometimes he gets big hugs tho. He really deserves a good woman to be the maw maw to his paw paw. I have sorta made it a side mission to wing woman and introduce him to people so they can see his kind heart. He has been through addiction and homelessness and is part of the recovery circuit in the sense I could call and ask if we could "find a bed" for someone ready to get help.

I've told him he'd make a fine therapist and counselor for people with autism and drug addiction especially. I think you will see that.

I feel lucky to have such a supportive friend.

[temporalreverie]

Im bored & i saw an ask game so I just answered them all for fun~

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

No

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

I don't have an ex

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

No

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Eh, it's complicated

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

Yes :3

6. What are you excited for?

Just having fun

7. What happened tonight?

???? It's morning. Hi.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

I support women <3 be safe with alcohol though

9. Is confidence cute?

Yes!

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Coffeee

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

Im paranoid but like mostly my dad & brother. But Aidan for sure.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

Yes but my jeans phase died when my thighs came in

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Idk hopefully play katamari and talk to friends

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

IDK.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

I kiss my parents goodnight so no.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

Im always changjng

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Either my marefriend or Aidan depending on the subject

18. The last time you felt broken?

Hmm sometime in the past few days I think i had a tiny moment but not seriously for at least a month.

19. Have you had sex today?

Im still drinking my coffee calm down..

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

Just spam out job applications low care style and make it their problem. Waste the companies time not ur own

21. Are you in a good mood?

Kind of but I'm soooo sleepy

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

My parent have swam with whale sharks once that would be nice

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

Yes! Mine are maybe a little more colorful but we both have gray with a ring of hazel orange

24. What do you want right this second?

To hug my girlfriend & fall asleep

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Im in a unique situation for this question where my GF is poly and already is with a few other ppl before we started dating and I'm the most comfortable talking through being BPD triggered with her so like we could talk through it if I got bothered

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

I haven't dyed my hair for a few years. going pink could be fun

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

I laugh at a lot of things rlly easily so probably no. All sorts of jokes even bad puns, and just like cute or charming behavior

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

I don't remember laugh out loud. Probably something my girlfriend said last night

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Long distance is hard but I don't feel like that's exactly the same as missing someone. I was thinking about my late childhood dog the other day and how I can still image the feel of petting her in various places, the shape of her body and the texture of her hair on like her back and in front of her ears and her neck.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

Ya

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

My dad is nice

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

We are marefriends!!

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

Yes. I had a pespi for the first time in ages a couple days ago and it knocked me the fuck out

34. Listening to?

Just noises rn but I've been playing We <3 Katamari so various variations of the main theme keep playing in my head.

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

I go through phases of using a little note book for organization but not recently.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

I kiss my parents goodnight so yeah

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not rlly, it's like infatuation & good first impressions. Love of everything is like built up over time.

38. Who did you last call?

My marefriend <3

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

I don't remember, but Im always dancing alone with myself

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Saying goodnight to my parents

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

My mom bought cupcakes and a scone a month ago and we all agreed the cupcakes were pretty bland #sconesweep

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

Not this morning no

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Maybe years in the past? Not rlly recently.

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I don't want skin cancer </3 or a tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

No

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

Close to. Very sleepy

47. Who was the last person to call you?

My dad

48. Do you sing in the shower?

Always!!

49. Do you dance in the car?

Yea

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Probably in some boy scouts thing years ago

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Maybe graduation?

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

I love music

53. Is Christmas stressful?

A little but mostly fun

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

Yes they r my best friend

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Cherry

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Engineer, artist

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Nop

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Too much

59. Take a vitamin daily?

Probably should

60. Wear slippers?

In this season

61. Wear a bath robe?

No

62. What do you wear to bed?

Soft pants + white t shirt

63. First concert?

Green Day probably

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Target

65. Nike or Adidas?

Esos son Reebok o son Nike?

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Cheeto

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

Im ageric to peanuts & i love sunflower.

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

My fortnite parody of Romeo & Juliet I wrote this January.

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Hmmmm probably not

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

No

71. Can you curl your tongue?

Ya

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

Never been in one but i probably could've done well

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

Yes, i cry easily

74. What is your favorite book?

Idk reading is for losers. Sorry that's a lie

75. Do you study better with or without music?

With

76. Regularly burn incense?

No, I'm a good cook so i don't burn stuff <3

77. Ever been in love?

💞

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Vylet Pony i guess

79. What was the last concert you saw?

Ummmm idk. I feel like it was something eh with my parents we just passed by. Like third eye blind

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Not rlly a tea person. Cold?

81. Tea or coffee?

Coffeeee

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Smirking dog

83. Can you swim well?

Decent. I love water

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yes

85. Are you patient?

Very

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

Idk. I guess DJ has more powers so DJ

87. Ever won a contest?

A few. I won a jellybean guessing one like 15+ years ago

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

Noooo

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Green but all 'lives are beautiful

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Im gay..

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Under chimnie

92. Do you want to get married

Down the line

Link to original

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

in my worst one (serious relationship, didn’t see it coming, over text, still in the same circles so we encountered each other a lot after, the whole nine yards) probably 5ish months before it didn’t take up 86% of my brain and i could listen to any music that wasn’t made by a member of boygenius. but after that it was a year or so of just slowly reclaiming the parts of my brain that she was involved in. it didn’t stop being startling to run into her until a few years on when we sat down and talked for the first time. im sorry i feel like that’s a really grim prognosis. it helped a lot that friend told me at one point during the whole thing that there is no such thing as being pathetic and that the stigma around being the stereotypical “person in a breakup” is also entirely nonsensical. and like, they were right. this is one of those universal things that we all go through so ofc it’s all stereotypical and it sucks ass so of course we’re all gonna cry ab it on the floor while listening to sad shit. im so so sorry you’re having to go through it, you deserve every inch of leeway and kindness you are able to find for yourself. 

yeah :( that's just how it feels rn. like i can't do anything without fucking thinking about her. in the beginning it was so much worse, and i actively remember the first morning i woke up and my first thought wasn't her. i'm always grateful for ppl reminding me i'm not being pathetic or dramatic. i've now stopped being in touch with my ex, after months of on and off contact that i couldn't tell if it was good for me or not. bc she doesn't struggle getting over what happened, it's just me. 'i'm sorry you're struggling'. and then just be friends? i couldn't do it anymore. bc. we started long-distance and were that for the most of our relationship, so cutting off contact would be losing her completely? just zero contact after a year of intense contact... so yeah. this ramble is a good representation of my brain rn. it sucks. i'm trying to be patient with myself, to be kind. i've been trying for the last few months. so i'll just keep trying

i'm really sorry you went through that. thank you for sharing, it really makes me feel supported. hugs <333

[rowan-ashtree]

hmmm. many thoughts head tired