#most of it doesn't even have research value anymore

[merrymorningofmay]

gonna be bold here and suggest that the icc or whatever institution is gonna be tasked with prosecuting russia after this has enough evidence by now and will do just fine without another wagnerite promising to testify in exchange for asylum or an umpteenth interview of a war criminal/propagandist/whatever

[endlessfuckup]

feel slightly better about the election but i am still worried

Watching this debate has me like this rn

[fuiabarcelos]

Exiled Hearts: How to keep a secret? (2)

Pairing: Sam Winchester x reader.

Summary: After breaking up, the hunters begin to disappear. Sam needs to be quick to save you.

Bingo: a folklore song - Exile.

Genre: Angst and fluff - 4989 words

Warnings: Kidnapping, torture, trauma and Sam being sweet.

A/N: I'm not fluent in English, so a lot of mistakes can happen.

This story takes place between 12x09 and 12x22.

Now, I’m in exile 

You and Sam broke up a month ago and since then you've both been creating strategies to heal the pain in your hearts.  

Sam isn't the same anymore. He has focused much more on research, because when his brain is busy, he doesn't blame himself as much for what happened. However, every time the pain becomes intense, he seeks solace in drink, something he was never used to doing, but after realizing that alcohol uncontrollably increased the number of endorphins in his brain, he started drinking more often. And most of the time, he drank until he blacked out.   

Sam was feeling exiled. You're not his homeland anymore. He didn't know how much he needed you until he lost you and that hurt even more, because he didn't value the incredible woman who was by his side enough. To berate himself, he punched the wall every time he remembered that he never said he loved you.  

Dean, Mary and Castiel were completely preoccupied with Sam's mental state. None of them understood what was happening, because Sam didn't have the strength or courage to explain to his family how much he hurt you. That you left them because of him and wouldn't come back. 

"Sam, we need to talk" Dean wasn't willing to negotiate right now, he would finally get his brother to tell him what was going on and figure out the best way to help him "What the hell is going on? You look terrible, I've never seen you like this! After Y/n left you became a depressive alcoholic, and you won't let anyone help you."  

"Leave me alone, Dean. Take care of your life." Sam was ready to leave the library, but Dean grabbed his arm and pulled him into a tight hug. They didn't hug often, but Sam needed it.  

That was the last straw for Sam to stop once and for all hiding his tears when he was around his family. Dean had always been there for him, if there was anyone Sam could trust, it was his brother. Dean tightened his embrace when he realized that Sam wasn't going to stop crying any time soon and was willing to stay there for as long as it took.    

When Sam was finally ready to let go of his brother, they sat down on the sofa.  

"What happened between you and Y/n?" 

"I was horrible to her" He wiped away his own tears, feeling ashamed of having been so vulnerable in front of someone, but what he was about to admit embarrassed him more "She and I kissed the day we escaped from prison. We started dating that day, but I asked us to keep it a secret."  

"Why did you request that?"  

"I couldn't bear the thought of having her as just a friend, but I couldn't let happen to her what happened to all the people who were once important to me. So, I thought that if we kept it a secret, she'd be safer."   

"Did you tell her the real reason you asked her to do this?" Sam shook his head negatively.  

"Y/n was tired of us trying to protect her all the time because she was a novice hunter, I thought she'd get angry if I told her the truth. So, I told her that you and Mom wouldn't like the idea of us dating because of work" Dean secretly rolled his eyes at his brother's actions, but Sam had been judging himself internally for a long time, Dean didn't need to do that "I was too radical. Every time we slept together, I left her alone for fear that you'd get suspicious because I was always leaving her room. I never took her on a date. I never said that I loved her, because I thought that if I said that the next day, she'd be dead. That wasn't the relationship she wanted to have with me, she didn't like all that... and neither did I, but I thought we'd get over it, because the important thing was to be together." 

'Why didn't you ask her to stay when she left Jody's house and tell her all this stuff, you're telling me now?"  

"I've hurt her too much, Dean. I want her to be happy and I couldn't make her happy."   

"Sam, you made a mistake, but what makes you a better person is whether you persist in your mistake or use it to improve. You can still make her happy, because no matter what, you still love each other, you can still start again."   

You were going through the same situation as Sam, but instead of resorting to drink, you directed your frustration at hunting. Bravely, you worked a few cases on your own, although all of them didn't end well, leaving you with multiple injuries. You didn't mind any of them, because the wound in your heart was much more painful, and the adrenaline was a necessary distraction to make you feel better. 

You had just got out of the shower and were trying to pay attention to the movie you were watching, but every time the main couple had a romantic moment, you remembered all the plans you had made for your relationship with Sam, all the places you wanted to go with him or all the kisses you didn't have because you were in public. Soon you were crying again, thinking about how things could have been different and how much you wished this relationship had worked out, because you love Sam too much.   

You were feeling exiled.   

All these bad feelings had to be put aside when your phone started ringing. It was Jody.  

"Hi, Y/N! How are you?" 

"Not very well, but I'll stay" You hadn't told Jody the reason for your fight with Sam that day, but she knew he was the reason for your sadness.   

"You told me you were focusing on work. My new friend asked me to help him with a case, but my life as a sheriff conflict with my life as a hunter, so I thought you might be interested."  

"Sure, Jody."

Jody explained all the information her friend had given her, including his description. His name was David, he's a very handsome man who certainly attracts attention and he treats you very well, it's as if he knows your tastes and tries to please you constantly, without losing his professionalism.  

You were at the party where all the victims used to go before they died analyzing any suspicious activity, but so far nothing.  

"Do you want to dance?" David asked.  

"I'm sorry, I don't like it very much."  

"Come on, please. I promise it'll be fun." You weren't in the mood to argue, so to avoid further insistence, you accepted. 

You had been dancing together for a few minutes when your heart almost stopped as soon as you saw Sam in the corner of the hall staring at the two of you. How long had he been there? He's probably thinking that you replaced him too quickly. You wanted to run up to him and explain that it wasn't like that, but you remembered that you didn't have to explain yourself to him.  

David made a joke in an attempt to lighten your mood, you laughed to make yourself look cool, but the joke wasn't that funny. Sam knew that even though that guy had his arms around you, he made you uncomfortable.  

You took a deep breath in an attempt not to let the tears flow. Having only half of Sam was unpleasant and frustrating, but having nothing was torture. You thought it might be impossible to forget him, Sam thought the same thing about you.  

When the song finally ended, you simply left the party, leaving David alone and confused.  

David still had a job to do, he couldn't let you go. 

"Y/N! Where are you going?" David shouted as I ran after you.  

"I can't stay in there any longer. You can finish the job yourself."  

"If I could, I wouldn't have asked Jody to help me" He managed to get you to stop running "What happened?"  

"My ex is in there. I can't look at him without feeling like crying." In other circumstances you wouldn't have told a coworker anything, especially one you'd just met, but you were too vulnerable to try to be strong.  

"It's okay, I understand. I also ended a relationship recently and I feel the same way. I'll take you home." 

"No need, I'll go by myself." 

"I don't think that's a good idea. The people who came to this party died, remember?"  

You agreed with him and accepted the ride. His car was a few meters from the party, and you walked in silence to it. David was very kind when he opened the door for you. 

You explained the way to the hotel to him, but you had already been in the car longer than you should have been. You questioned David and he said that he had to change the route because the GPS indicated that the road you were supposed to take was under maintenance. However, 5 minutes later you saw the sign indicating the city boundary.  

"Change of plans. I'm taking you somewhere else, darling."  

You couldn't react, David had pressed a button that made the car's dashboard spray white smoke in your direction. Your vision blurred and you tried to open the car door to jump out, but it was locked. You started to feel sleepy, and your eyes got heavy, then everything went dark, and you fell unconscious. 

You are my crown 

When you woke up, there was a very strong light over your eyes that made you open them very slowly. You were in a completely white room, wearing cotton clothes of the same color that were clearly not the same as the ones you were wearing when you went hunting with David.  

You tried to get up, but you were tied to the bed. You felt something strange in your hand, there was medication being transported into your veins and it hurt a lot. Were you in hospital? It would be much better if you were, but when the door opened, Arthur Ketch came into the room along with the guy who brought you here. 

"I see you're finally awake. How are you feeling?" Ketch asked.  

"What am I doing here? What's this you're injecting into me?"  

"David here did a good job of bringing you here, didn't he?" He complimented David and then dismissed him to be alone with you "We were going to go after Jody Mills first, but when she mentioned you, we saw it as an opportunity. You weren't on our radar of American hunters. Sam did a good job of keeping you a secret."  

In his mind, things seemed to make more sense. And if Sam didn't want to announce to the world that you were together to protect you from the bad things that would probably come after you just to shake him up, but that doesn't make sense to you, the boys tried to give the British a chance, even after they had tortured Sam.  

Ketch seemed to have read your mind when he spoke: 

"We and the Winchesters had a business problem. You know, we were having a lot of disagreements and difficulties bringing them over to our side."  

"Of course, your thinking is sick! You killed Magda, who was an innocent girl, for example." You had the chance to meet her, so when you found out that the British had killed her, you were enraged.  

Even with all this, the boys tried to give them a chance, but now you realize that they were only manipulated.  

"She wasn't innocent!" Ketch seemed to get quite annoyed with his comment "We're teaching a lesson to the hunters who didn't agree to work with us. It's very frustrating that all the good hunters are on the Winchesters' side, but now there won't be any left!" 

That information made his hands freeze. How did they have the guts to murder people so coldly? You thought their goal was to save people, when in fact the world was supposed to be saved from them. They were the real monsters you were looking for.  

"But we managed to bring a great huntress to our side. Mary Winchester was our brainwashed guinea pig and it worked! She's doing a great job of eliminating the hunters."  

"Is that what you intend to do to me? Brainwash me?" The boys were probably in too much pain watching their own mother murder the people they helped, and you certainly didn't want any part of it.  

"No, no. You're not an experienced hunter. Let's try something else on you." He approaches you and carelessly pulls the needle, which was transferring the medication, out of your hand. The door opens again, revealing other British men of letters, some armed "We need more hunters on our side, let's find out if we can turn normal people into great hunters, especially without that thing you call empathy."  

It was 15 days of shocks, invasive medication, exposure to high and low temperatures, sleep deprivation and simulated danger. In the first simulation, you had to fight two vampires with no weapons. They were just holograms, but they looked very real.  

This experiment broke your mind 

Sam and the other hunters were preparing to raid the British men of letters' hideout.  

It had been two weeks since he saw you dancing with another guy, that scene still hurt in his heart, but he had to be taken out of his "exile" by force to save the other hunters from the British.  

"You didn't call Y/n? She may not be that good in the field yet, but she's got great strategies," Dean asked Jody.  

"I tried, but she won't pick up and she won't answer my messages" Sam stopped what he was doing to understand the situation.  

"I thought she was just ignoring me. I've been trying to talk to her for two weeks, ever since I saw her at a party with a guy" Sam said the last sentence, saddened by the memory.  

"What? You saw her with David?" Jody looked shocked that Sam had thought you and David had something "He's a new hunter friend, I called Y/n to help him on a case. She's started working alone since you broke up. If I'd known you were solving the same case, I'd have asked you to help him." 

"There was no case! Dean took me there to try and cheer me up."  

"We've never left a party so quickly. We stayed for 15 minutes" Dean made an unnecessary comment. He clearly wanted to stay longer at the party.  

Sam's body froze as a great possibility crossed his mind. His heartbeat accelerated, like a deafening drum resonating in the deepest recesses of his feelings, as he tried to assimilate the possibilities of you being in danger or something worse. 

"Bevell, you said Y/n wasn't on their radar" Sam glared at her, Dean quickly rushed over to his brother to restrain him in case he lost control of his emotions.  

"She wasn't" Sam didn't believe a word Bevell said, he'd hated her since the day she kidnapped him, he wouldn't spare her if she was lying now. He was ready to confront her when Mary, who was tied to a chair after trying to kill Jody, let out a frightening laugh, making it clear that she knew something.  

"Ketch loved hearing the story of how you broke her heart, honey" Sam tried not to get angry with his mother, after all she had been brainwashed, but seeing her mocking and laughing at the whole situation while you were probably suffering or could be dead, left him with a bitter taste of sadness and indignation.  

Sam could stay there and demand that his mother talk, but that would take too long. So, he organized all the hunters to leave in less than five minutes. He wouldn't leave until all the British men of letters were dead and you were in his arms, safe. 

Tragically, three of the six hunters who helped attack the British hideout lost their lives. However, the operation managed to eliminate all the enemies, including the leader, Dr. Hess. Sam, however, continues to struggle with the alarming revelations she has told him, especially the news that Lucifer is on Earth. In addition, her words about your supposed death kept being heard in his mind, dominating all other thoughts.  

The three survivors were acting urgently to get away from the place, as bombs were about to explode everywhere. If it had been up to Sam, he would have chosen to sit on the ground and let the tears flow, begging for someone to bring you back, but neither Jody nor Walt would let him do that. Jody would certainly offer him her support and maybe a hug when they were safe, but now they needed to get out of there.   

As they ran, Sam heard a noise that sounded like crying, but it was too low for him to be sure.   

- Did you hear that? - Walt asked. Both Jody and Sam agreed.   

They could have ignored it, after all the bombs were about to explode, but they thought it might be another hostage. They quickly began to look for where the crying was coming from, but without leaving each other's side, they had already lost half the team. Until Walt finally manages to break down another door, he finds a man desperately trying to find a gun and a woman on the floor, stuck and crying.  

Sam rushes into the room and his heart nearly leaps out of his chest when he sees that the woman on the floor crying was you. You were alive. 

"What have you done to her?" The three of them point their guns at the man who conducted the experiment on you.   

"They asked me to test an experiment on her with the aim of perfecting the skills needed to hunt without the need for experience and training. Technically, it would turn normal people into well-trained hunters in a short time, increasing their performance and courage."  

"She doesn't look brave at all," Jody comments.  

"The problem is that the experiment went wrong. It ended up reviving her traumas and making her mentally fragile. She's even afraid of her own shadow."   

Sam became angry, his anger only increasing when he saw the crash chair in the corner of the room. He wanted to pull the trigger on that man's head, but that would only worsen your mental condition, you had already been through a lot in that room. Sam walked over to you and crouched down to your height.  

"Y/n" He tried to touch your arm, but you slapped his hand away and shrank further into the corner. 

"Stay away from me" The man was right, what they did to you really messed with your mind, Sam has never seen you so scared.  

"My sweetheart, it's me Sam. Look at me, please. I won't hurt you, I promise." You were really scared, but his voice conveyed a certain comfort and reassurance, making you feel a little safer. Then you finally looked at him.  

"Sam..." You said, thrilled to see him there saving you. You practically jumped into his arms, wrapping him in a tight hug. Sam held on tight and left a gentle kiss on your forehead.  

"We have to go, Sam," Jody shouted.  

Sam tried to lift you up, forgetting the chain on your wrists. He was moving faster and faster to get you out of there, even though he wanted to give you the minimum of reassurance, it was difficult with so much pressure.   

"Where's the key?" He shouted at the man who still had guns pointed at his head.  

"Ketch hid it in his locker" He pointed to the lockers next to him "Number 598, but I don't know the password." 

Sam ran to check the lockers and see if he could guess the password, but was frustrated when he saw that the password had 5 digits, there were thousands of possible combinations, he couldn't guess it. When Sam looked at you, he saw that you were curled up and crying again, so he ran over to you and sat down next to you, putting your head on his chest.  

He wouldn't leave your side and he wouldn't leave without you.  

"Sam, what are you doing?" Jody shouted again, not believing what he was seeing.   

"Lock that idiot in that room and get out of here!" Jody was ready to protest and demand that Sam get up, but she knew that Sam was strong enough to get you both out alive. Walt and Jody threw the man into a small room, put one of the cupboards in front of the door so he couldn't get out and then ran out of there.   

"Sam, you can't stay here. Get out, please" You were still crying, not wanting Sam to die because of you. 

"I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying by your side this time. If I have to, I'll die with you and everyone will know how much I love you." Suddenly, the fear didn't seem so bad. You snuggled closer into Sam's lap, put your head on his chest and held one of his hands. He rested his head on yours and stroked your hair "I love you so much" he whispered.   

"I love you, Sam."  

You closed your eyes waiting for your imminent death. Neither of you wanted to die, but if it was going to happen, you should die together in each other's arms. You heard a loud noise and thought the bombs were going off, but death didn't come, when you opened your eyes you saw Jody had come back and opened the door with force, she ran to the closet.  

"I found Ketch's cell phone in one of the rooms I passed, the password is on it" She quickly typed the password into the cabinet panel, rummaged through things and finally found the key. Jody threw it to Sam who hurried to get you out of the chains. Fortunately, you managed to get out of that place before the bombs exploded. 

You were walking alone, even after receiving several warnings from Sam not to do this, through the corridors of the bunker. Some of the lights were already off, as it was getting late, so you were using the flashlight on your cell phone to guide you. You were looking for the book you were reading, but you couldn't remember where you had left it. Your hands were shaking a little, but you tried to convince yourself that everything was fine.  

You entered a room that you believed to be the same as the one Sam and you had spent together reading. The minutes it took you to find the light switch were nightmarish, you felt like all that darkness was ready to tear your body apart, but you breathed a sigh of relief when you finally managed to turn on the light.  

You quickly looked around the room for the book, but the only thing you found was a human skeleton. You knew it wasn't real, it was just an object of study and decoration, but the fear inside you consumed all your rationality and activated your survival instinct.  

A loud noise consumed the room as the door closed on its own, this had happened several times before when the bunker's ventilation system was too strong, but it was enough to send you into a state of panic. 

You screamed for help, many, many times, because you couldn't control your screams. That skeleton looked like it was going to run up to you and chew all your flesh off. Your hands began to shake and you broke out in a cold sweat, your breathing was labored and seemed like it would stop at any moment and your heart was beating faster by the second. You kept screaming and crying until you felt Sam's strong arms around you.  

"Honey, what happened?"  

Dean was there too and only lowered his gun when he was sure there was nothing hurting you.   

"He's after me" Your brain had completely forgotten that it was just a fake skeleton. The boys looked where you were pointing and were sure that the situation was getting out of hand.  

"Y/n, it's just an object, it's not going to get you" Sam wrapped his arms around you and left a kiss on your forehead to calm you down. Sam and Dean had already noticed that Sam's presence reduced your despair, and he made a point of staying by your side the whole time to make you feel safer.  

"How did you end up here?" Dean asked. 

"I was looking for the book I was reading, I think I made a mistake." you explained as you snuggled closer into Sam's arms.  

When you calmed down, Sam took you to your room, made up your bed while you put on your pajamas and lay down with you. He gave you the medicine you were using to sleep, because even that was something you were afraid of, and read it to you quietly until he was sure you were asleep in his arms.  

There were long days like that, you were so scared that you thought the world was made up of shadows that were ready to swallow you up, but finally you received the news that Dean had found a cure in one of the ancient books of the men of letters. The boys were confident that it would work, after all, they had succeeded in curing Mary.  

"You need to relive your good memories," Dean explained.  

"How am I going to do that?" 

"When my mother was brainwashed, she was stuck reliving her own memories. We've found a way to do it with you, without suffering and that will only last 30 minutes, that's enough."  

You agreed and the boys began to prepare everything.  

It was the most comforting experience you've ever had. You relived a part of your childhood, the years you spent helping your mother make clothes, the days you set aside to play with your dead dog, but what intrigued you most was how many memories you relived after meeting the boys. And even though you didn't like Sam's relationship conditions, you had a lot of good memories.  

When the 30 minutes were up and you came back to reality, the boys quickly brought the skeleton close to you to see if it had worked out.  

"I think being scared of it was the most embarrassing thing I've ever done" They sighed with relief and laughed at your remark. 

Sam had sent you a message asking you to meet him at the lake in the forest behind the bunker; you even asked why, but he said it was a surprise. If you were still numb from the effects of the experiment they'd done on you, you certainly wouldn't have been able to stay in this forest for long, even with the sunlight illuminating it, but now this place gave you peace and comfort.  

You found Sam sitting on a checkered blanket arranging the food he had brought in a picnic basket. And it was then that you remembered that the first date idea you had suggested to him was a picnic by the side of the lake.  

He remembered...  

"Did you prepare all this yourself?" The sun shone on his face, and he immediately flashed an adorable smile when he saw you.  

"Yes, I prepared your favorite snacks: chicken sandwich, yogurt with fruit, lemon pie..." He said as he showed you everything he had made. 

"That's incredible, Sam. Thank you so much" You sat down next to him.  

You sat in silence for a few minutes, looking at the lake ahead and watching the ducks swim by. Being silent with him has never been uncomfortable, but now it felt like you were both trying to say things, but you just didn't have the courage.  

"Y/n... I waited until you were healed to talk to you, it didn't seem fair to broach the subject with you in that situation" He sighed "I didn't like hiding our relationship either, but I felt it was necessary to keep you safe, but I was wrong. I thought I was protecting you, when in fact I was hurting you. I'm sorry." 

"You should have told me this, I would have understood and we could have found a better solution." 

"I know, you're right" Sam looked at you and held your hand "I just didn't want to lose you, but I did anyway.  

"It's never too late to start again," you said as you put your hand on his cheek. Sam was smiling.  

"Are you willing to give me another chance? We can do the right thing this time." 

"Sam, you were willing to die by my side and in the last few days you've looked after me so much. I couldn't ignore that. I believe in us, we can use our mistakes to improve."  

"You're incredible and I felt like the worst person in the world when I hurt you." Their faces were inches apart and you could feel your stomach turn as Sam ran his hand down the back of your neck until he reached your hair and gently grabbed it "I love you so much, baby."  

"I love you, Sam" Your lips finally came together and you felt the same emotion and desire you felt the first time he kissed you. Starting again wouldn't be easy, but you were both willing to face it and, this time, everyone would know it. 

[tadaxii-i]

i need you to tell me about rosestarkillerchaser like they're a sales pitch please

You got it bestie *hiss* (I definitely didn't have to research what a sales pitch was, what are you talking about?)

Hey, you! Yeah, you, hi!

I'm gonna make it short, I'm *your mom haha*, I just saw you had a bunch of marauders on your feed, yeah? You like them? I really really do, especially Regulus.

And you know Reg, you know Reg! He's got a hard life, he deserved better, yada yada yada, so we got him a boyfriend, obviously; but love, what if I tell you there's better out there?

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I know it's a mouthful *corporate laugh* but that's also was Reg will say right before a night with them!

And well, between you and I, my love, who would want to deny Reg anything, yeah? Not me, that's for sure, and I know it's not you either!

With rskc - i'll shorten it for your pretty mouth - you could have everything you've ever wanted and a half for your sad, pathetic little wet sock of a blorbo.

Now imagine- please close your eyes, my love, and imagine. Regulus, poor Regulus. His mother's a bitch, Sirius doesn't want to be around him anymore. Barty and Evan tell him to stay away from the Gryffindors, but James slithers past their watch. He's hot, Reg knows it. And Barty, he's so determined to protect his best friend, yeah? Because he loves Evan, and he loves Reg too, in equal measure, and he want to hate James. But James is soft touches and starlit eyes and everything Regulus ever wanted and well, how can one guy be so likeable? Barty, by virtue of well-intentioned protectiveness, finds in James what Regulus saw in him, with his pretty eyes and the dimples on his cheeks. In an effort to hate James Potter, he falls in love with him.

And you might be thinking, "how is this beneficial to James? He deserves full love and attention too, my boy" and I agree with you! But I assure you, beautiful, that Barty bites, and he bites hard. He'll bite him too, when the time comes. Wouldn't you love, to ask, a reprimand, "Barty, have you been biting?" And he would look around sheepishly, but you, you wonderful soul, you could look James in the eyes, and he would uncross his arms from behind his back and tell you "I don't mind" when his arms are bloody and bruised. Isn't that the most wonderful thing you've heard today?

Of course, we're not robbing Barty of a proper, full time boyfriend. See, you and I, we need to make sure the dog is on his leash - and if that leash is called Evan Rosier, oh, what can we do but rejoice? And Evan can have Regulus, too, in the quiet ways that Barty and James don't allow themselves. He is masterfully calm, and when I say the guys will team up to make him lose his composure, it's a once in a lifetime deal I'm selling you.

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Here's my card, I'll be waiting for your call, yeah? Remember, PBAM, okay? Have a great day, lover, and with every great day, comes a great ship! Toodles~

[what-even-is-thiss]

By now you can probably tell what I'm researching in depth at any given time for my secret project by how much I blorbo post about mythology on any given day.

Anyways, yes. Today was an Achilles day. A comparing a couple different translations of the Iliad day.

But anyways, people have been debating since ancient times how Achilles feels about Patroclus. I'm personally on the side of their relationship being romantic, but that isn't actually the most important thing. The most important thing is that Patroclus is the single most important person in Achilles' life.

What's often forgotten about Patroclus is that he was a competent warrior on his own and he was older than Achilles. In fact, other characters use this as leverage when trying to convince Patroclus to talk to Achilles for them. Achilles, though higher in rank than Patroclus who was a disowned man in exile, was the younger in the relationship and would have been expected to listen to Patroclus' extra wisdom from his life experience.

What's interesting in this dynamic also, is that if you read their relationship as romantic, because Achilles was younger, that would traditionally put him in a slightly submissive role in a male/male relationship. And whether you read Achilles as being in charge, Patroclus as being in charge, or if you read their relationship as completely equal, it's a little weird. It's not totally clear what the power dynamic between them is supposed to be.

Whether they're friends or lovers they appear to genuinely love each other. Achilles is noted at times as being a generally angry and snippy person who doesn't get along with anyone unless he's with Patroclus. Then he generally becomes more gentle.

Achilles is a weird and complicated character, but his defining act as a hero is going on an unstoppable rampage caused by his love of another man. He says in the Iliad that the Trojans have done nothing to him. They have not taken or destroyed anything important to him. And this is true, until Hector kills Patroclus.

What's interesting to me is that Achilles and everyone else in the Greek army is an example of toxic masculinity, but it's a type of toxic masculinity that doesn't really exist anymore. Achilles was created by a society where men wept openly and loved each other. They also saw women as their property. Achilles is not an exception to this. The loss of his abducted girlfriend Briseis wasn't just a massive blow because he loved her. It was a massive blow because she was his prize they had stolen from him.

There's a lot about Achilles that toxic manly men would take issue with. According to some versions of the myth, he absolutely has sex with other men. He also would likely disrespect women to an extent that would even make incel podcasters cringe. He was an expression of the culture that created him. Of their values, their flaws, their frustrations. Books and books have been filled on him for good reason. He's weird. He's disturbingly familiar. He's a cautionary tale of what happens when you let your emotions consume you completely. A lover and a fighter with no contradictions to be found in that. And he mostly dies offscreen.

[firespirited]

It was bothering me that I didn't enjoy Longlegs - I've been reading solid reviews and preparing for a rewatch (where i'd try to ignore the "nic cage" of it and just take the character as is) but I think, maybe, it says more about me than the film itself.

You see, in the past two reviews, they compared it favourably to well known exorcism or demon possession movies and something went *click*.

I'm too close to the satanic panic and too jaded by all the nonsense that surrounded it so most satanic imagery doesn't shock anymore. I could be terrified as a kid by just a red horned cartoony picture and then the satan 'hype' got so big and so stupid it fell apart.

The grunge goth wicca nerd and satanist forced unity (all alternative kids got the same spiel) in my late teens meant that pentagrams and baphomets lost all shock value along with the concept of the devil having such power because where does that even come from?

then I did my research on hell and basically canon doesn't have much, nearly nothing outside of gehenna (pagan burial ground with methods considered desecration of the body by Jewish standards) or Revelation (book of code or metaphor).

I guess there's a point where so many people in your life have said "X is devil music" "The Matrix is demonic art" (I'm not joking, my parents pastor and wife took me aside for 'subjecting my dad to material that erodes the soul') and all that 'spiritual warfare' jazz... You just don't find it scary once mediocre shock rockers and the anarchy symbol have all been assigned unholy power.

It's left a big cultural hole where other people can enjoy movies about demons, possession and the devil.

I'm fine with films with demons as physical monsters, I love a reveal that the person is having a mental breakdown that felt like being out of control of their mind. Love movies about doubt and faith. But goat and snake imagery and 'the devil made me do it'... for family annihilations of all things. The plot means I can't enjoy the film no matter how pretty.

[episims]

Judi negotiation skill appreciation post

I've already played Judi's household so it's unlikely I get a chance to let her explain how buying Hanna was for her. This super self-indulgent post sheds some light on Judi's point of view!

No pictures. If you're not dying to know, this probably isn't for you lol.

So let's chop this scene into pieces:

Judith “You’re not stupid, Craig. You must realize that if I didn’t have a pressing reason, I wouldn’t be here.” Chase “Hmph.” She’s right. “I’m listening.” Judith “Thank you. I would rather negotiate indoors if that suits you.”

Judi has literally called Chase a nutcase, and that was before Chase slept with her ex. She needs to really compose herself to be polite.

Even more so to flatter him, as Judi tries to do by acknowledging Chase's intelligence. It works; it's a small step forward to get Chase to agree about something. Being inside the house also makes it slightly harder for Chase to just walk out of the situation.

Chase “-no. She’s not for sale.” Judith “Oh, I’m sorry for my choice of words. Do you wish me to call it a she?”

Since the goal is to get Chase to sell Hanna, it might be a problem that Chase humanizes her. So Judi lures him into changing the pronoun, hoping that it creates some emotional distance too.

Judith “I agree. But I could point out that I can afford to pay its current market value in full. I evaluated its components; many of them are outdated. Its wholesale price will only continue decreasing.” Chase She’s researched based on what Jonas has told her. I was careless with him. “The components don’t matter. They hold their value as scrap metal.”

Chase doesn't take Judi's bait about Hanna's decreasing market value so seems like he isn't hugely interested in cash. It's a bit of a setback for Judi; she doesn't have anything else than money to offer.

Judith “So it comes down to the code. Do you have proprietary over it?”

Spoiler alert: Judi knows damn well that Chase doesn't have proprietary over Hanna's code. She indeed did research. But considering how tightly Chase has pursed his lips about his past, bringing it up would likely only get Chase to raise his guard.

But the negotiation isn't moving anywhere so Judi tries to subtly push Chase to a more uneven ground. She's careful to make it look like an innocent question, something that would make sense to ask.

Judith “I’m not desperate to buy, Craig. I can hire home aid, just as well. There’s clearly a lot of potential going to waste with this project ending with the first prototype, but you’re right. It’s your concern, not mine.” Chase “Hmph.” Hanna’s value decrease was inevitable. But… the market has advanced for my benefit as well. It shouldn’t be impossible to find equivalent parts anymore.

Would Chase sell Hanna if he didn't feel it was completely by his own choice? Probably not, so Judi gives him room to make that decision. And while she has money to spend, it doesn't hurt to leave the impression that she's not ready to pay anything.

Since she now knows that Chase can't be won over by cash only, she tries to convince him that selling Hanna wouldn't take away his lifework but offer a means to continue it.

You can tell that Judi found the right lever as Chase stops to think about the possibility of selling for the first time.

Judith “What I need is a childcare assistant so it’ll only be for a few years. After that, it can break down all the same.” Chase Most of Hanna’s components have extended their lifespan by then, anyway. “It would be cheaper for you to hire a person.” Judith “Cheaper, not easier. Thanks to these idiotic restrictions, I would need to find a local for it. That aside, as you well know, I don’t need sleep. Having service available around the clock would be beneficial.”

Yeah, right. Judi has pretty good connections, of course she could find someone who has the right to pass to Foxfire.

The thing is that Judi wouldn't have considered buying Hanna if Jonas hadn't asked for it. That is a strong motivation for Judi to get the deal done; being seemingly ignorant of Hanna's fate is a bluff to hide that. Assuring Chase that Judi isn't trying to monetize Hanna herself is important, too.

Judith “It’s important that you answer in short. Do you understand?” Hanna “—yes.” Judith “Good. Do you know how to cook?” Chase *mutters* “Of course she knows how to-” Judith “Let me review the product, please.”

It's an act, aiming to close the deal for good. Judi attempts to keep the conversation with Hanna simple so that she doesn't accidentally talk to her in a way that conflicts with what she just told Chase.

So, here you go! If it seemed easy, it's only because Judi's a crazy good negotiator.

[masterskywalkers]

So I'm reading that new Larian interview for BG3, which has really popped up at a great time for me research-wise, and I see this for Ascended Astarion:

"So with Astarion, his evil ending is actually him…much of what he does is out of fear. And as a player, you can say to him, "You're right to be afraid." And that sends him to a really horrible place, and that I think is really powerful."

Now I've been doing a lot of research into vampires and vampire spawn in literature & D&D mechanics lately - partly for fic ideas, partly because this fandom frustrates me to no end sometimes with some of the things I read and I kind of want to do a breakdown on my own view and interpretation on the character - and this quote is very much something I agree with.

From Act 1 Astarion acts mainly upon fear and survival. He is not a good person, and he will do anything to survive. He literally uses any weapons or tools he has to build a net of safety within the group or with Tav, regardless of whether his methods are healthy for him or not. He knows no other way, because for the past two hundred years at least, he has known nothing but cruelty.

Even as you move further and further into the game, Astarion doesn't stop being afraid. As a Bhaalspawn who romances him but fails to kill Isobel, Sceleritas will comment that 'he is so afraid, so very afraid of everything, but you. The one thing he should fear the most'. In Act 3 after the other spawn attack the party, if a romanced Tav argues with him about the Ascension ritual, there's a response where Astarion will say 'I'm doing this for both of us, you know? To keep us both safe'.

Astarion is fueled by fear, and he believes that power is a way to ensure he won't ever have to fear anything again. That he won't have to be weak anymore (he sees himself as weak, ignoring the utter strength he has to even be able to survive the amount of torture and abuse he's lived through for so many years). During the decision of whether to allow him to Ascend or not, it takes an intervention from the person he trusts the most to even attempt to talk him down - and even that option is a journey of dice rolls and making the correct choices.

Astarion follows in the footsteps of the playstyle and the behaviors of the player character. He values his freedom and independence, but he doesn't know how to live without fear because, as far as he remembers, fear has been his entire existence. Even if you don't let him ascend, when you ask him how he feels about freedom he says it's both terrifying and exhilarating - it's a new kind of fear for him, the fear of a vast future open for him, one that isn't ruled beneath the hand of someone who controlled him.

In either ending - bad or good - Astarion gains and loses something. In a good ending, he gains freedom and the chance to start anew - to a limit, as he looses the ability to walk in the sun. In a bad ending, he gains security, safety and power - but loses himself in the process:

"Whether or not a vampire retains any memories from its former life, its emotional attachments wither as once-pure feelings become twisted by undeath. Love turns into hungry obsession, while friendship becomes bitter jealousy. In place of emotion, vampires pursue physical symbols of what they crave, so that a vampire seeking love might fixate on a young beauty. A child might become an object of fascination for a vampire obsessed with youth and potential. Others surround themselves with art, books, or sinister items such as torture devices or trophies from creatures they have killed." - Players Handbook, 5e

^ This is something that really interests me, because how much of that extends to the Vampire Ascendent is up to the player. I have my own thoughts for what this means for a romanced Astarion - and maybe I'll write something about that at some point, or post my thoughts in more detail later if anyone is interested - but the fact that the Vampire Ascendent is different from a normal vampire due to it being born from a deal made with a devil, I think, gives enough creative leeway for writers and players to play around with how they interpret to fit with their own playstyle.

Astarion, throughout the game, is at the very beginning of a long journey of being a survivor of abuse and trauma. I don't think he's really able to process or work on recovery until Cazador is dead - he is the looming threat for Astarion, after all, the shadow that is always there. Because even if they defeat the Netherbrain but don't defeat Cazador, Astarion is still at huge risk of becoming his toy again - but how he chooses to work through that and learn to handle his fear, depends on the person he becomes throughout the journey. And the player character is a huge influence to this - for better or for worse.

[bleedingcoffee42]

so many wips! need to hear about casablanca <3

I did too much research into Lewis Nixon I and have to use it. Nix comes homes to his parents divorced, Stanhope being Stanhope and most of his grandfathers estate sold off. The will still not anywhere near a probate court. He's staying at the Yale Club and struggling with how much has chanced. Dick isn't back yet. Kathy is now the ex-wife. He doesn't have his dog. He has drinking and a bit of nostaglia and a family who owned a house damned near everywhere. Except---not anymore. There are articles in the paper about Grandpa's estate, he needs something to get his mind out of a fog. Starts looking into it, I mean what else does a former intelligence officer do? Some habits are hard to break.

The scene is set: The house in Monmouth Beach. It always seemed a little sketchy to him that the 'hotel' next door burned down because the town had been after the owner to shut the illegal hotel down. Even taking it to the NJ Supreme court. Still, the Nell Grace Hotel remained open. The town, filled with men like Grandpa who had outrageously large and expensive homes, probably were not happy with the operation of the hotel next door. So, it always struck him as convenient that the place burned down. And that they used the water spicket on Grandpa's house to fight the fire, a house he wasn't going to be staying at because it was winter and was winterized, yet the hotel was occupied and water was frozen. He's known the men in this neighborhood all his life, he wouldn't put it past them to resort to arson.

Why does it matter if the neighbor lady's house is gone? Well, probably nothing except that the records on Grandpas house list Mary Nixon selling it to another rich widow. Mary using an address in Newark he's never heard of. Mary who has been busy selling off everything. He's a little suspicious that the will left everything to her, without a single thing to his grandkids or Joel. He thinks there could be another will hidden somewhere and his guess would be the house closest to the ocean, the old sailor was always in a better mood when he could breathe in salty ocean air.

The problem was the house was sold and sold again. And the great hurricane of 1944 had battered the shore, destroying roads and houses. When he drives by so many houses are gone and another era of Jersey history forgotten. However, he remembers good times sitting under that red and white striped awning on the porch listening to stories of the sea, stories of Grandpa going to school with the King of England, meeting the Czar, having Stanhope meet the Pope(Lew is convinced it was for an exorcism) and a slew of other insane stories that were packed into amazing life of his Grandpa. Someone he wished he could have come home and talked to about everything that haunts him.

It doesn't make sense he got nothing. That Blanche got nothing. And Joel, nothing? He adopted that kid, named him after his own father, and leaves him nothing but the Nixon name? None of them needed money, but there was a lot of sentimental value lost. And something feels wrong. So he buys the house, and comes up with a reason to piss off whatever neighbors are left so he can find out who exactly was behind the Hotel burning down.

So why not make it a bar? Maybe some illegal gambling thrown in to really twist the knife. He has just watched Casablanca with Blanche, and he drank enough to get through it that he started to blur the lines of what was on screen and any fantasies he had of Dick looking fabulous in a tux and him being some snarky investigator who clearly was more of a love interest than Ingrid Bergman. Hell, that movie was about those two guys ending up together, wasn't it? Screw the girl, let her leave with the text book husband and the dog and save the world, who needs her when you have a buddy who has a gambling and drinking problem and sharp whit? So he names it Dick's Cafe Americana and has the arch thing from Holland built over the sidewalk to the house. Puts up dick's picture. Uses the bar that's already there because grandpa was a fine gentleman. Has the piano tuned. Adds tables. Hell, the place looks like it was sold full furnished, so he starts looking for hiding spaces he remembers to see if there is a copy of the will somewhere.

And Dick finally comes home and is a dick about not calling. So Nix has to call him and ask why he doesn't want the job he offered him. Instead of meeting in New York, take the train to Monmouth Beach I have something to show you--

And Dick Winters thinks his friend has gone insane but he's glad he's not drunk. Owning a bar seems like a bad idea, owning a bar because you want to piss off an arsonist even worse. Dick's been locked up in his bedroom for a week so he's not really upset at the change of venue and Nix tells him he can go swim in the ocean if he wants. beach is next door. Nix plays the piano for him, As time goes by, and Dick is 100% gone and agreeing to all of it.

Dick takes the job at the factory, and spends weekends with Nix on his little project. It feels like good times, working together. It feels like purpose. The struggle to blend back in at home lessens when he's too busy being a host to Nix's neighborhood parties on the weekends. He gets to see a little of the old Nix, the Nix who he met at OCS come through as he works the crowds for information and gambles and drinks with the rich neighbors. And he is weak for Lew playing piano....

Maybe it just ends up being another Winnix and a gay bar fic.

[fishboneart]

things I've learned about ai art so far

So with the distressingly plausible rumour that Matt "never witnessed a credible threat in his life" Photo is planning a deal with Midjourney, I decided to actually investigate machine learning properly. Here are things I have learned, in no particular order:

ai doesn't real

tumblr's image data is a dirty mess of untagged, improperly tagged, unattributed, misattributed, undescribed, poorly described, and outright stolen images, it's not good value for training a machine learning model

Midjourney is currently not even doing large-scale training and doesn't need new data

Midjourney seem unlikely to buy tumblr data

Midjourney quite possibly may not even know Matt "totes not a transphobe prommy" Photo is planning a deal with them

Matt "midlife crisis" Photo may just be building castles in the air about big lucrative machine learning deals he assumes are just out there waiting for him

Glaze and Nightshade don't work against Midjourney

Glaze and Nightshade don't work against DALL-E

Glaze and Nightshade don't work against LoRAs

Glaze and Nightshade work against Stable Diffusion under lab conditions. Maybe.

their results have been resistant to replication (that's science words for no one else can get it to work even when they try really hard)

Glaze and Nightshade use Stable Diffusion to generate the stenographic mask (iow the "poisoned" image is an ai generated and altered copy of the original)

Stable Diffusion encodes an invisible (stenographic) watermark to exclude its own output from subsequent training sets

this is because machine learning models collapse when trained on their own output

a tool to emulate this invisible watermark is available

only Stable Diffusion checks for it, the rest don't

Stable Diffusion's invisible watermark functions can be disabled

Glaze and Nightshade don't work against Stable Diffusion in the wild

there are several reasons for this

one is that it would require a substantial portion of images in a training set to be Glazed or Shaded to actually affect the model and do you have any idea how many images there are?

another is that training for image models isn't actually ongoing the way it is for text models

image models are no longer doing large-scale training crawls that would be affected by any countermeasures taken now

the large-scale training sets have been completed, they're done, it's over, they're not mass-indexing new images anymore

tumblr was probably already indexed no later than 2022

your art isn't "in" the training set

machine learning models don't download or copy images to a database, they "look" at them, "read" them, and do a bunch of statistics about them

that's literally why the fingers and teeth are like that, they don't snip out elements from existing images and smoosh them together (that's what human photomontage artists like me do thx), they calculate the statistical likelihood of the next part of a shape, and statistically the thing most likely to appear next to a tooth is another tooth

a mathematical description of some properties of your art might be in a training set and it's too late to do anything about it

r/StableDiffusion is a hive of scum and villainy

the most despicable ai hypebro strawman you can conceive of pales in comparison to the aggressively smug, self-entitled, gloating mediocrity of the comments in that sub

ai hypebros absolutely love trolling you

they love when you panic about ai, it gets them off

actual machine learning researchers find ai hypebros just as tedious and insufferable as the rest of us do

people on tumblr are really fucking ableist about machine learning

you people need to work on yourselves

in 2023 United States District Court Judge Beryl A. Howell ruled that ai generated images can’t be copyrighted, asserting that "Human authorship is a bedrock requirement of copyright."

it's free stock

[lyriquette]

Might make the main character be called Lenore instead. Levant is too much of a wind-associated name lol.

Typically the stories that used Imperial-related stuff with the poor-to-rich storyline are usually village -> town -> prefectural city -> capital. And I kinda want to make a reasonable storyline that drags capital people into the village that Lev lives at. It becomes the new capital because it's eventually perceived as a blessed land.

--

For "future skills" so that readers don't think I'm pulling stuff out of my ass, I will just limit it to farming and cooking - and it's not really that good cooking either because in the Modern / Celestial World, it's easier and cheaper to mass-produced nutrient biscuits to satisfy hunger and get proper nutrition than actually buying food.

Social media is heavily regulated in the Modern World. There is no anonymity anymore. What you say can affect your job prospects and your social life.

Cooking and satisfying your taste buds is more of a rich person's hobby. But being rich enough to become a streamer and talented enough to do cooking is enough to earn a living.

Too bad Lenore was neither rich or good at cooking. She was originally an orphan abandoned by her parents because people in the Celestial World test for powers like the real world tests for gender. A celestial who can cause earthquakes is a particularly bad power.

She was lucky enough to be born in the neutral areas rather than the companies since the companies would've just immediately stuck her in child labor. The Neutral areas are headed by the celestial courtm but as soon as she turns 13 - the age of adulthood agreed by the companies - orphans are auctioned based on their learning and potential.

Orphanages have a focused education course where the top 90% must pass or get kicked out of the orphanage. No point in wasting time and energy on kids who refuse to either obey or avoid their studies. Martial arts and cultivation are also of value because during company fights, the company literally goes to war. A kid's potential worth is the only reason why they're being nurtured in the first place.

Racism no longer exists, if only because it's been replaced by cold meritocracy and profit. If one doesn't fit in the mold, they are discarded.

Lenore isn't that smart school-wise but she's clever and when she's fixated on something she likes such as farming, she earns more easily about it. Turning her into a farmer was ultimately going to be her destiny - the problem is most people who become a farmer have powers related to plant growth while she could only cause earthquakes. She studies hard to try and even the odds, but there's only so much fertilizing and farming technique can do against a cultivator that can ripen their crops twice as fast as you.

She tends to get into arguments with her peers. She's stubborn like a mule, usually to her detriment. She'd rather break than bend - and a good part of her character development is just to learn how to interact with other people and to resolve her abandonment issues.

She might not be able to achieve the highest yields from her land, but she isn't the worst either, and that's big given her competitors have supernatural powers to grow the fields. Need to figure out the exacts on this - and how much modern farming the Celestial World actually has.

Eventually, she gets kicked out for getting into arguments / not fitting in.

------

I am looking forward to the farming research lol.

[goggles-mcgee]

Out of all of the main, secondary and background character's thoughts and feelings on PFO there is one you haven't mentioned yet.

The most logical of the main cast.

The one who is said to be "The Brightest Witch of Her Age".

The one, the only Hermione Granger.

Oh man Hermione at first tried to reason with Harry, because honestly his idea was so silly it couldn't possibly be true but then Snape's reactions made her pause. Now it could have been he was just thrown off by her best friend's question but the reaction was bigger than she expected. She didn't want to just believe in something, something an adult, her Professor, so adamantly denied but so many things followed after that somehow proved the opposite.

For a long time she didn't do much other than observe and make notes on everything she witnessed because she needed more evidence. She does become convinced that Snape and James Potter were bitter ex's and is so baffled that he would lie that it kind of shakes her perspective of adults and authority figures. She doesn't take what they say at face value and does more research. Honestly this whole thing was actually a blessing for her development. She didn't just have a blind faith in adults and authority figures anymore and that was slowly bleeding its way into her view of books as well.

Because if adults lied for no reason, and as she began to find out for nefarious reasons, then maybe books could be biased too???? This becomes more of a stable idea and thing she believes after 4th year and the whole Rita Skeeter nonsense.

She is a secret fan of all the drama but is the not so secret co-writer of The Potter Family Opera Bulletin. She works with the Patil Twins and once Luna gets involved in everything she joins the writers circle. They end up actually making a student staff for this and to the surprise of the students but not everyone else, they start getting subscriptions outside the castle and even start making money from it.

They all agree that the issue will be free for students and teachers. Hermione, Theo Nott and Padma were the ones to somehow charm the papers from being copied or sent out of the castle once they were in the hands of students or staff as they thought it would be unfair and bad business if the complimentary papers they gave to their fellow students were sent to family members without said family members having to pay for a subscription.

Surprisingly it was Padma who brought up the issue and Theo who pushed for them to do aomething so they didn't lose money as they (the students) used the money to make Hogwarts more homey. Money got donated towards making clubs, buying better brooms, guest speakers, more books for the library! (All things Albus said they didn't have the budget for.)

Because they do such a great job of relaying any PFO news out to people they end up making a Hogwarts Herald. A school paper by the students for the students. It included studying tips, a charm of the day, advertisements for clubs, latest gossip, just any news they think is important or entertaining!

Hermione thrives!

At this point she does believe the original rumor and a good chunk of info that follows but overall even if it wasn't true she would never say anything because this has done the school a world of good and she made a ton of friends!

Plus she finds it amusing when she hears the latest gossip of how many people have crushes on Harry and makes sure to tell him about them before an issue of the HH hits the stands.

And look...at first she thought Cedric and Harry could be cute. Ron was adamant about it....but then she found out Theo maybe had an interest in Harry and maybe she gives him encouragement and advice ut she does so in a way to not make it obvious. She just drops hints on what Harry's favorite treats were, maybe drop he was looking at something in the shops in Hogsmead. And let's just say she's not surprised when Harry gets a secret admirer who sends him all those things.

[neerons]

What do you think are the MK guys most prized possessions?

Hi! I'm so sorry for replying late! I've been busy with exams for the past weeks but I'm finally done now

At least from what I've seen, Yuzuru is so into space and research I think what he really values is his space... screws? If that's the right word. Or his bugatti(s), I actually don't remember if he actually owns any or just adores them but I think he does have at least one. There's also this tiny box in his crafting room where there are photographs of his family I think? And of course there's Victoria, if she counts. I'd say Victoria is his most prized possession since she's linked to Yuzu's father

For Kazuomi, it's his girlfriend it's a bit hard to say because he's attached to his resorts but if we're talking about some kind of furniture or object kind of possession, I feel like he's not really attached to anything in particular? He can own anything he wants but I feel like he's more attached to food, like the Pino ice cream since it's linked to his memory. For now I don't really have any idea or remember anything when it comes to objects so I'll just say his resorts are his most valuable possessions

I'm not sure about Kei either. Aside from his rope that he currently doesn't even use anymore, he had never wanted to live his life before so I don't see him being attached to an object since he found no meaning to even live before. I didn't read his VIP stories but apparently MC gave him a watch in these stories, so that could be his most prized possession since he finds his happiness through his lover while figuring his life out. I'm sorry for doing Kazu and Kei dirty, I'm a bit brain dead and they're complicated men 😂

For Boss, it's definitely his croton plant. That one wasn't hard 🤣

Thank you for the ask ❤

[chocochipbiscuit]

for the fic ask game, I'd like to ask these for Gaze!

What is something you learned/researched while writing THIS fic?

Any Easter eggs in THIS fic?

(easter eggs defined liberally, maybe a reference or plot point or joke you inserted?)

GAZE!!!!

What is something you learned/researched while writing THIS fic?

Everything related to Singapore, honestly! Most of it, really. The Fraud Squad focused more on the glamorous socialite scene as a contrast to the main character's less-than-glamorous apartment shared with her mother, but for Anya to learn about hawker center etiquette, I had to learn hawker center etiquette.

I've read some of the criticism re: Crazy Rich Asians and the way the movie depicts Singapore, and suspect most of the same would apply to The Fraud Squad, which was billed as Crazy Rich Asians/The Devil Wears Prada. I don't think it's really my place (or can be reasonably expected) for me to write something that delves more deeply into that, so the best I could do was write something that felt true to the book. And where the book is about Sam infiltrating high society and learning to pass herself off as a socialite, this fic was intended to be more about Anya learning to make peace with the fact that she doesn't quite swim in those circles anymore, and realizing that she's tired of being a fraud.

Any Easter eggs in THIS fic?

Using the term 'Easter egg' very loosely, originally I thought about having Anya's mom offer her Horlicks instead of Milo because that's what my mom would make sometimes as a comfort drink. Except part of my research showed that while Horlicks may be the drink of choice for Hong Kong, Milo is more popular in Singapore. (I suppose I could argue that even if most people would have Milo, Anya's mom would prefer Horlicks, but it felt like too much effort to justify for a very small scene.)

The Earl Grey lavender cupcake appeared because of a similarly flavored cupcake appearing in Last Tang Standing, another book set in Singapore, if that counts as an Easter egg? I fully acknowledge that particular flavor was on my mind because of it. However, considering I disliked Last Tang Standing, it's less 'deliberate insert' and more 'reading this book made me very aware of this particular flavor profile and I decided it was tasty enough to include.'

Last Easter egg of dubious value: One of (two of, technically) the first things I bought after my divorce was a bookshelf. (Or two bookshelves). The first poetry book I bought after the divorce was Devotions by Mary Oliver. And yes, I did dog-ear the "Wild Geese" poem. It was a fresh start for me and I wanted it to represent a fresh start for Anya.

Thank you for asking, I had fun! :D

(Self-indulgent asks are from this ask game!)

[vazaha-tya]

can i ask what you think about regulus? and jegulus/jegulily as well, if that's alright. i like reading your thoughts and interpretations of the marauders era characters

that's more than alright! fair warning, i'm gonna be all over the place because i have so many thoughts! some of it is interpretation based on what i remember from canon and the rest might be fanon i internalised from reading too many fics lol.

first up, i should say that regulus is my favourite slytherin and i'm endlessly fascinated by the relationship dynamics he and sirius would have had. it's obvious sirius loved him and we don't know if the reverse was true but there's definitely something raw and painful that suggests he did and that their estrangement was even more painful for it.

since regulus is a reserved boy (fanon or canon? not sure) who is pretty smart, brave and kind on top of being a seeker, he kind of feels like what harry could have been in slytherin.

more importantly, he's the only redeemed slytherin i can think of who is first described as "soft" before being described as "brave". regulus is someone who is only described by people who love him (sirius and kreacher) and despite the whole black family situation, the most important thing they can tell us about him is that he was gentle. i think that's a bit incredible, especially considering who his mother was.

and i'm not sure if it's canon or fanon that he researched voldemort's life? but if it's canon i think that's also really interesting and tells us a lot about his inquisitive personality. one thing that strikes me about the black brothers is that they were clearly both extremely sheltered before coming to hogwarts and it's only by being sorted gryffindor that sirius was able to meet people that were different from the ideal his parents were trying to force on him. regulus didn't have that chance yet he still managed to make friends with kreacher and see him as someone worth betraying voldemort for. it's because regulus watches and learns , i think. he observes people, what they value, how they treat each other and at first he probably tried to push it down so he could be the perfect pureblood his mother wanted but at some point he wasn't able to anymore and he made his choice. he weighed what he observed of kreacher's kindness and adoration for him against what he saw of voldemort's cruelty and decided the former was worth dying for.

beyond that, in a more pragmatic sense, regulus is the first time we are given any indication that purebloods have limits. because death eaters are so violent and cruel we feel like they have no boundaries but regulus found out about the horcrux and he, a black, was horrified. i'm not sure if this means that potentially more death eaters would have disapproved of horcruxes if they knew or if it's regulus particularly but i think that's also important to note.

about jegulus and jegulily, i am all for it! though jegulus means harry wouldn't be born so i don't like it as much haha. but there's so much to work with in those ships, especially because of the sirius-regulus reconciliation that would come with it and the idea of james finding value in slytherin qualities which would rid him of his own prejudice. i just like the idea of them acting as a bridge between the two houses in the middle of war. and lily finding a slytherin who doesn't wait for her to die to do better would be bittersweet but something i'd be curious about. i'm not sure i'd write those ships myself (mostly because i'm bad at writing romance) but i do find them really interesting

thanks for the question, i had a lot of fun thinking about it!

[broomsick]

hi, broom! i've recently started getting into nordic polytheism again after some...christian relapse??

the first time, i just jumped head over heels into polytheism, making offerings left and right without knowing what i was even doing. it ended as abruptly as it started with me turning back to christianity with so much guilt in my heart. after some time i drifted off from christianity again (this religion has helped me through many tough times but somehow it just doesn't feel right for me anymore). now i'm picking up nordic polytheism again, this time easing slowly into it. most of my time is spent researching now and it just feels so much better than the first time! and it's fun!

(ramble over, sorry but i'm still in the broomcloset until i am confident enough so i never really get to talk about this)

anyway, i just wanted to tell you that your blog is a wonderful inspiration for me to keep reading and being observant. it's always great to see you on my dash! i hope that you have a great day 💜

Thank you so much sharing your story. Know that’s it’s perfectly okay for you to hesitate and to take a step back from time to time. The way I see it, Christianity and paganism aren’t, and shouldn’t be “opposing forces”. Some people prefer to not choose one or the other, and to incorporate both into their practices, and it’s perfectly healthy to do so. For this reason, there’s no guilt to be had in your having gone back to Christianity for a while. You have to respect your needs when it comes to spirituality! In any case, I’m so, so glad I can be a part of your journey into nordic polytheism. I’m extremely honored that you value my content, and hope that whatever comes next in your spiritual life is fulfilling for you. Please never hesitate to message me, or send an ask if you ever have any questions, and if you want my opinion. Have a great day, and take good care of yourself my friend.