#most normal conversation in this show

[cyber-corp]

"you think you're a god? i'm the one who's thriving dennis imeanlookatme"

"You look like you're covered in Hawaiian punch."

"...yeh"

"..yEah."

"mmPh"

[meowzet]

i adore the aspec community and how normal they are about sex.

regardless of your own personal stance [whether youre sex repulsed, favourable, etc.], fellow aspecs have always been so sex positive. i cherish seeing that.

[lgbtiwtv]

the thing about lestat and armand is that their relationship is literally incomprehensible. they are boy best friends they are codependent worsties they are archrivals they are platonic soulmates they are telepathic gossipers they are part time haters and full time ride or dies they are insane bisexuals but most importantly. they are toxic exes. despite the fact that they have never once dated. hope this helps

[unknownarmageddon]

Sorry.

BAHAHAHA

Jaa oh my god this is brilliant FHFHF WEEPING

[icewindandboringhorror]

"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"

I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming

[worflesbian]

anyone here ever heard of uhhh farscape

[angels-heap]

I know my Half Life blog is not the place for this conversation, so I'm holding back from posting a fucking dissertation here, but goddamn, the lack of nuance and empathy in the conversations surrounding the Nickelodeon documentary is appalling.

[brainworms-all-night-long]

I was suddenly attacked by nineami (in its most toxic itteration) they would be great foils to each other... (<- the versions of them that exist in my head)

[callanee]

I'm not gonna lie, I still kinda feel shocked that we actually get to see Buck as a queer man on screen. I never thought we were actually gonna get that, just wistful thinking. We already had Hen and Karen (amazing) and Josh, and this isn't a - capital Q- Queer show, they're not gonna do that. I don't really know how to articulate this all the way yet, but it's a really good feeling.

ABC is treating us well, and I'm so excited to see what the writers and crew have planned for us.

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

(from my main but this is variousqueerthings): am really enjoying reading your analyses of amy -- I definitely felt more resonance with her on this last Big watch I did, when I could disconnect the way she would at times be underserved by the writing, from what was actually going on in her story, and it's fun going from there to reading deeper analysis that picks on those threads even further

I don't know if this refers to only my straight analyses I've posted on this blog, the rambling rants I've done in the tags of other people's posts, or my fics (someone once called a fic of mine an "eloquent rant" and sometimes I feel like that's a great way to describe the more "character-study"-esque of my fics), but either way thanks! I actually had my own reevaluation of Amy Pond as a character when I got back into Doctor Who this year thanks to various other blogs/others analyses (shout out to @saint-eleventh, @thefiresofpompeii, @spoofymcgee, @ameliapondmd, and plenty of others, including you, @variousqueerthings, with your rewatch series). The first time around, when I watching Doctor Who as a freshman in high school, I couldn't pick apart the Moffatisms from the foundation of a very compelling character full of fascinating contradictions and unabiding faith and a desperate loneliness that connects so well with Eleven's. (I also, full admission, hadn't gotten the shift between how companions were written in Davies' era v. Moffat's, with the companion's arc being as integral to the story during 9 and 10 v. during 11's- though I am also now realizing the mistakes that Davies made, especially with his handling of Martha and other black characters.) Now, though, I can ride with the fairytale vibes of Season Five, which has steadily risen through my season rankings, and can also appreciate the push-and-pull of Amy Pond.

I hate love triangles but looking at Rory and the Doctor now as embodying the themes of domesticity/growing up/stagnation v. travelling/danger/curiosity and the way that the narrative constantly tries to shove Amy into the former (literally making her a wife, a womb, a mother, a vessel, stripping away her agency at every turn) makes it all the clearer how Amy, whenever given the chance, turns to the TARDIS. She doesn't want Rory to die in Amy's Choice but chooses him by choosing the TARDIS and life with the Doctor. Her biggest act of agency in the show is demanding the Doctor show up at her wedding, literally yanking him into existence and demanding that he prove to the world that her faith in him was never mad, was always the most sane thing in the world. Even at the end of the God Complex, when she should hate him more than anything, she still believes in him (and frankly, he believes in her. Eleven and Amy are each other's gods as much as they are each other's best friends).

I think that Eleven and Amy are made for each other in the same way that Nine/Rose, Ten/Martha, and Twelve/Clara are made for each other, to believe in each other, to change each other, to make each other's stories full. I love Donna&Ten, Clara&Eleven, and Bill&Twelve as much as anyone else does (I seriously adore all of these dynamics), but you can't tell the Doctors' stories and arcs without the first set of pairings I mentioned. And realizing that about Amy and Eleven and the effect they had on each other (the fact that after eight hundred years without her, she is still the last face he sees before he regenerates, the fact that she can literally remember him from nonexistence) really made me realize the potential and impact of her run as a companion/their dynamic this go 'round. I think that's the great thing about a show that runs for this long and with so many doctor&companion pairings- you are constantly going to bump up against these relationships that transcend friendship and romance and go into world-shattering, character-arc-altering, often-verging-on-codependent dynamics that impact both sides for the rest of their lives.

[spiritshaydra]

I fucking love the dumpster fire that’s the Nemesis crew <3

[konshokoentaiko]

i always thought i was a very typical enemies to lovers girlie but i think i just realized my actual taste in ships is the dynamic where the two are supposedly equal rivals/enemies who represent diametrically opposed themes (for the Aesthetic), but in actuality it’s just one of them yanking the other around on a chain while the other whines and rages and protests and ultimately makes an absolute spectacle of themselves

so uhhh. how did THAT happen and when and why

[theamazingannie]

I like Chaz but his whole philosophy of “don’t ease into a conversation, get immediately into the emotional stuff, and if you don’t share your deep emotional traumas with a complete stranger on a televised show, then I can’t trust you and we can’t be friends” is a little over the top

[morningmask27]

I do sometimes find it really annoying that most of the things I do right now are At Least tangentially related to a trauma I lived through.

I am living in a university dorm right now, it's a very typical thing to do, but most people return to their family home during the weekends and only really stay in the dorms because they have classes in the week and having to go from their home to the classes, especially the 9 am classes, can be heavy if they live somewhat further away. I stay in my dorm the entire week. For Reasons I don't want to go back to my old home for longer than half a day to drop my laundry and leave with clean clothes, some food and a chat with my mother. I wouldn't feel good doing so anymore, but mentioning that is weird because most people (except internationals because going to a full on other country just for the weekend, every weekend, would be a bit dumb) return to their home (My dorm feels more like home to me right now than my old house did btw).

When I say I stay in my dorm people are somewhat confused, as it on its own already implies that something must not be that good at the familial home for me to not go there for the weekends. By the simple fact I don't go back it's already implied there is something wrong, and it's true, there Is something wrong, but I can't just start explaining the whole thing, it's not really appropriate for most conversations, and I simply don't want to open up about this part of my traumas. So I just have to quickly and very blatantly brush off that fact and the unpleasant implications to continue the conversation without making it awkward and it's so annoying.

Most of my weird trauma responses at least have the added thing that if I don't verbalize them nobody will really notice. I am good at hiding them, I kinda had to, but this dorm situation is such a blatant sign of something Weird (and not the good kind) that I cannot hide since my actions on their own imply a situation already.

I am somewhat good at dealing with all of these issues, brushing off The Problems is a typical part of normal conversations, but it does get frustrating sometimes when I get severely affected by something traumatic, and it's The Only reason that my problem happened, but I cannot talk about it in casual conversations because of how heavy and intense it is. I have to vaguely mention The Horrors (They Are Complex) and move on before I make my conversation partner uncomfortable. It happened when I had to miss a class because of a severe relapse in my mental health, it happens every time I mention I stay in my dorm the weekends, it happens whenever I get too jittery and weird because of stress (I don't even always know Why I am stressed) and I just cannot explain anything about the cause because it's too heavy for most people to hear. (I do understand that fact, it makes sense you're not going to tell classmates casually about the horrific stuff you went through in your personal life, but it fucking gets annoying when it is fully related to a situation and I have to Shut The Fuck Up anyway.)

It's just frustrating to me that I have to deal with all these Weird Things because of trauma, and everyone sees them, but I cannot explain where they come from truthfully because of how much they are. It's in this weird middle state where people See I am weird hurt, but they don't Know why. I do things differently for reasons they can assume are unpleasant, but I cannot ever truly explain everything to them.

[deadwerewolfgirlfriend]

Meta: 1x07 Hook Man, repressed emotions, and haunting the narrative.

gifset // meta

I want to take a closer look at a scene about halfway through 1x07 Hook Man, an episode in which Sam and Dean catch a case involving an invisible spirit that kills people and seems connected to the daughter of the local reverend. They find out that the same spirit has been murdering people on and off for many years, always as retribution for what it considers to be immoral acts. At a college party, Sam and Dean have the following conversation.

Sam: A man of religion, who openly preaches against immorality. (Dean looks away) ...Except, maybe this time instead of saving the whole town, he's just trying to save his only daughter. Dean: Reverend Sorenson. You think he's summoning the spirit? Sam: Maybe. Or, you know how a poltergeist can haunt a person instead of a place? Dean: Yeah, the spirit latches on to the reverend's repressed emotions, feeds off them, yeah, okay. Sam: Without the reverend ever even knowing it. (Dean looks away again) Dean: Either way, you should keep an eye on Lori tonight. Sam: What about you? (Dean sighs, looking around) Dean: I'm gonna go see if I can find that unmarked grave.

It's worth noting further context of the episode. The brothers are still looking for John and haven't heard anything from him. Dean is interested in finding John and killing any monsters he finds on the way to hunting down the yellow-eyed demon that killed Mary, while Sam sees their time as a temporary vacation from his normal life.

I see a few reads of this scene, and what repressed emotions Sam is specifically referring to, because the MOTW is never just another monster.

1. The bisexual read.

Assuming that Dean is bisexual (source: Supernatural, seasons 1-15), this scene can be interpreted as Dean realizing that "repressed emotions" hits a little close to home. Sam either says this intentionally, that [Dean] is repressing his emotions and [Dean] doesn't even realize that people get hurt because of it, or accidentally, and Dean changes the subject because he doesn't want Sam to get any closer to the truth.

The righteous men the spirit has possessed preach against immorality. The reverend preaches against immorality. And "immorality" is the first thing that makes Dean look away -- whether because he knows that that could apply to him, or because he doesn't want to have to think about it.

2. Something (or someone) is haunting the narrative.

"Haunt the narrative" pun partially intended, because there's not a better word to describe how longing for a normal life, feeling out of place in a normal life, and whether hunting is an all-consuming lifestyle or a heroic and sacred duty are all present in every episode, even when they aren't mentioned. As of 1x07, Dean thinks hunting is a holy calling, and Sam thinks hunting is a necessary evil. Dean always believes that Sam can "escape" hunting, escape "the life," but he doesn't believe the same of himself. Dean believes that Sam is the smart one, that once they catch the yellow-eyed demon Sam will go back to Stanford and Dean will keep hunting until something kills him -- something he literally voices in 10x07.

Given how many times Dean will try to leave the hunting life and "be normal" in later seasons, I have to believe he yearns for something different. A life free of hunting, perhaps not, but I don't believe in 1x07 he thinks that leaving the life is an option. I think he believes that repressing his emotions and hunting are the same thing (and who taught him that?). The brothers don't know if they can ever return to a so-called "normal life," how they can stomach not getting involved when they know that monsters kill people, or what it takes for someone who kills monsters to become one themselves. These are not ideas that are named in every episode, but they exist in every episode, under every argument between the brothers, every difficult choice they have to make, every monster they do and don't choose to kill. Truly, these ideas haunt the narrative.

Maybe Sam believes that hunting is what's haunting Dean, that Dean would actually benefit from trying to be "normal" and taking a break from always being on the job, and that whether or not Dean is aware of it, refusing to feel and refusing to be human isn't good for him or the people around him. Unintentionally or not, and no matter how many people he saves and how many monsters he kills, Dean leaves collateral damage in his wake, damage often counted in human lives.

3. The crueler read.

What if Sam is implying that Dean is the one haunting him? Dean keeps dragging him away from his happy, ordinary life, free of monsters and hunting and demons killing people. And what happens as soon as Dean shows up again? Jess is killed by a demon. As much as Sam believes that he's the common thread, it's no coincidence that where Dean goes, there are monsters. Jess comes up again, almost always as ammunition in another of the brothers' arguments.

Wherever Sam goes, whatever he does, no matter how many times he tries to leave hunting, to leave the life, Dean follows him. Dean brings him back from the dead, again and again and again, making deals and getting himself a one-way ticket to Hell to save his brother's life, even when Sam wishes he'd just let him die. Dean tries to bring him back from the Cage. Dean makes deals with anyone who'll bargain to save Sam from remembering Hell. Whenever Sam escapes, Dean catches up, whether it's in season 6 or season 8.

And Sam is not like Dean. Hunting isn't the one true calling for him. While Dean enjoys Purgatory, even says to Sam that he enjoys killing monsters in 9x19, Sam doesn't. Sam doesn't want to kill Madison in Heart, doesn't want to kill Jack Montgomery in Metamorphosis, doesn't want to kill monsters, not the way Dean does. He doesn't take pleasure in it, and finds Dean's pleasure distasteful -- and when Sam gets just a day in Purgatory, he doesn't understand Dean's yearning for simple hunting, rather he understands Dean's pain.

Sam loves his brother, but their codependency is skewed one way, and Sam is the one who can go on without him, who can hunt without him, who can even escape the life without him. Sam is always trying to claw his way out, and Dean, without realizing, always manages to drag him back in. Dean, haunted by hunting, is haunting Sam, and he doesn't even realize who he's hurting.

[dykedragons]

bro talking w other queer + autistic ppl is rlly a healing thang... like at work im usually pretty quiet and masking all the time but then i met an acquaintance who also works there (different department, i never see them) and it was like oh yeah! haha! im alive again! i remember how to speak! amazing!