#morley fan problems

[stan-morley]

and; the really neurospicy part is, that this post is probably going to be how sombeody learns the news for the first time 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

[moreloke]

csm x skinner, flower shop au, accidental time loop??

you can find other fics under #csm x skinner

Walter is not a big fan of flora. He's also not a big fan of places that smell like grass.

He's awkward and out of place amongst the delicate plants in the apron and work gloves. He's too old to be a flower boy. He's helping a family friend.

...He's very much applied when hauling pots and vases around and counting the cash meticulously.

🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸

Walter looks up - a man steps in, water dripping from his coat, muddy shoe prints everywhere, and puts a cigarette in his mouth. He's just cleaned up after the last customer, the weather was dreadful alright, a bit too wet, but then his shop is not a bus stop.

"No." The man freezes comically, a lighter half way to his face, brows going up.

"No?" He repeats, unused to being denied.

Walter silently points at the no-smoking sign. (He dug it out of a stationery box in the back for no particular reason. He's glad he did.)

"This is a flower shop." Walter points out helpfully at the prolonged silence.

"So it is."

"People buy flowers here."

The man ponders this, as if unfamiliar with the concept. The man is someone Walter could have seen in the endless halls of Hoover building. He hopes not.

"So. Sell me flowers then."

🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸

Man in a suit comes in with a frown and a lit cigarette in his mouth. The man puts it out at his stern look.

"Something simple. For a funeral."

Walter got no idea what's appropriate for a funeral.

"Lilies ok?"

The man nods.

He doesn't ask about colours or arrangement, sensing it's not that type of customer, and ties a simple black ribbon carefully around the bouquet.

"These are not US dollars." Some foreign currency, german maybe?

"You could still take them." The suit man's voice is gruff, from years of lung damage, surely. He frowns at his own hand, then at him and Walter guesses he's not used to being refused. Well, tough luck.

"I couldn't." He says it firmly enough and stands straighter, so they're the same height.

At that the other changes his stance lightly, less of a stand off, more of a size up.

"I'll write a cheque."

Walter shrugs and accepts the paper. He studies it attentively, then, finding no apparent fault, slips it into the drawer.

"Your flowers."

The man grabs them carelessly, too carelessly, but that's not Walters problem anymore.

"Sorry." At the raised eyebrows he adds "for the occasion." He doesn't know why he said that.

The suit throws him a look and leaves without another word.

Walter sighs and turns back to work. He hopes the cheque isn't a fraud.

🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸

"Something for a hospital."

There's nothing well wishing about the man, harsh frown, deep lines, insincire eyes. But then it's not Walter's place to comment on that.

He plucks carnations out of their vases, some fern and lemon leaf, and rolls them into a simple paper bag. They wouldn't smell too strongly and would last arguably well on a bedside table. He doesn't explain any of it, presuming that the other wouldn't care.

This time it's proper american cash but he still makes a point of examining the hundred dollar bill.

"It's genuine, I assure you." He insists, as if offended at the forgery insinuation.

"Hmph," agrees Walter and hurries to count the change.

🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸🌷🛸

A man in a suit rushes in and demands two dozen roses.

"We're closed."

The man winces, yet comes closer to the counter. There's a cigarette in his hand, unlit.

"You're still here, aren't you?" Walter is busy trying to discern the note of threat in his tone when the vague smell of Morley breaks though the grassy wet fragrance of the shop.

His supervisor's office reeked of smoke that day.

"You're doing good work in the field, Agent Skinner. We would hate for your career to... stall due to unsubstantiated claims and lack of concrete evidence."

It was back there. Whatever horror he supposedly never saw. It was still back there.

"Yes, sir. Of course, sir, I understand."

Someone else got the promotion. The thing, whatever it was, still roamed at large. Unchecked. Free. Hungry.

The cigarette man is looking at him expectedly.

"So? My roses."

Well, fuck it.

"Sorry." He breathes out unapologetically and looks straight into the murky blue eyes. "But we're closed for the day."

The man sizes him up. Huffs in an obvious displeasure. Stares at the "no smoking" plaque and lights his damn cig on the way out.

What an asshole.

[quordleona03]

Fic Writer 2023 Review

I got this from @jaelijn, who generously tagged me - 30 questions about my fic writing through this year.

I hope for a better 2024 for all of us.

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

I wrote the first three chapters - well, I can hardly say "wrote" - of a fandom fusion - Blake's 7 scripts with MAS*H characters replacing them. To find them funny - even to know what's going on - you would have to be simultaneously a B7 fan and a MASH fan. Judging by the response on AO3, I would say there are about four such. Maybe less. I probably won't finish it - though anything's possible - and I doubt very much if I'll do anything like that again. The problem was that it was not very creative, but even so, it took up a fair amongt of time.

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

I wrote about 211,000 words of All We Know - pretty steadily through the year. I was writing the September 1962 section last January, and I'm writing the April 1963 section now. I'm publishing chronologically, so the section I'm working on now will be posted in April 2024 - after being proofread, edited, beta-read, edited, and so on.

I also completed three MASH stories - Crabapple Cove, Major Heart, Under the Apple Tree, and one Star Trek story, Kirk and Spock's First Kiss. M*A*S*H works in progress include Rosary, Nurse Doctor, MirrorMASH, and another strange crossover, Buffy the Vampire Slayer And Her Gay Foster Dads.

And there's Gray-Eyes, which is something else again.

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

All We Know is easily the longest story I've ever written. I found that I can hold a story that length inside of my head and my heart, and keep writing it - and be confident I'll finish it. I found, too, that I do a lot of my writing inside my head before I sit down and stare at the screen. This last I always knew, I suppose, but now I really know it.

4. What piece of media inspired you the most?

Well, M*A*S*H, of course. Some lovely soul managed to upload All The MASH Episodes to the Internet Archive in such a way that they went unnoticed for over a year. (They are now gone- helpful people on the very public Mash subreddit started posting links to them, and whaddya know, once declared publicly, they're gone.)

I also watched some few episodes of E.R., most of the first episode of AfterMASH, a couple of episodes of Trapper John M.D., a specific episode of Sports Night, and I read Herman Wouk's Marjorie Morningstar and Kathy Hulme's The Nun's Story, among other relevant material.

5. What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

M*A*S*H. Star Trek. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Blake's 7, a little.

6. What ship(s) captured your heart?

Hawkeye/Mulcahy. Over, and over, and over again. Also, because they're so very sweet together, Sam Pak/Sidney Freedman.

7. What character(s) captured your heart?

Well, besides Francis Mulcahy and Hawkeye Pierce, 2023 was the year I got to like Trapper very much indeed, as I wrote him in October and in December. I saw a very old fanvid, Trapper Never Got To Say Goodbye, and watched a bunch of good Trapper episodes, and - I just got to like him. I also invented/discovered in my heart several newly adorable people: Sam Colquhoun and his daughter Barbara, Martine LeClerc, Pauline Morley and her partner Thea Schwartz and their friend Nadine Royer, Loretta Bradford, Doctor Jerome White and Doctor Aaron Elharar, Sarah Pargeter Pierce and her 12-year-old daughter Mary, Sister Maria Angelica and Sister Raymond, and of course Cathryn Jamieson.

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

No. Well, yes: I gave Margaret Houlihan the best possible husband I could imagine for her. I like Sam Colquhoun.

9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

At the time? Gray-Eyes. Ongoing through the whole year: All We Know.

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Crabapple Cove. I got the idea and wrote it and giggled most of my way through writing it.

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

Well, besides Gray-Eyes, I only finished four stories this year, plus some bits of tumblrfic: Crabapple Cove, Major Heart, Under the Apple Tree, and Kirk and Spock's First Kiss. They were all very satisfying to finish.

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

MirrorMASH. I have got to a point in that story where I know how it ends, and yet I am really struggling to write that ending - because when it's done, I shall never write MirrorHawkeye again.

But there was an idea for a story I thought of - "AfterMASH, only like the Golden Girls, Max and Charles and Francis sharing a house…" - and Honoria of course - and I wrote the opener for it, and then realised that I didn't see a way to write any more of it. I could see it in my mind's eye as an endlessly enjoyable TV series - but to write another word of it felt like climbing up the Cliffs of Insanity with Fezzik on my back and Inigo on his shoulders. It was like contemplating a land war in Asia. I just gave up.

13. What fic was the easiest to write?

Kirk and Spock's First Kiss. I wrote it at a writer's workshop at an online K/S con, and the story just unpacked itself into dialogue.

14. What were your shortest and longest fics this year?

Kirk and Spock's First Kiss is the shortest - a perfect drabble of 100 words. All We Know is the longest - 261,000 words in the current document, 143,314 words published on AO3.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

I'm very pleased with M*A*S*H goes to Pride - thinking through what each of our surviving friends from MASH 4077th would do at the world's first Pride March in New York City in 1970, and whether I think they are LGBT or ally or neither.

16. What were you go-to writing songs?

I was writing the first draft of Christmas in Maine (just posted on Christmas Day) in the middle of a really, really hot August (for Scotland), and I played a list of Christmas carols over and over. I was then writing a chapter from Sister Maria Angelica's point of view and I made a playlist of Christian religious music. Otherwise, usually Leonard Cohen, Janis Ian, Willie Nelson, Tracy Chapman, Johnny Cash, k. d. lang, and so on.

17. What were your go-to writing snacks?

Cashew nuts.

18. What was the hardest fic to title?

Well - All We Know. I'd been calling it "Virtues and Sins" til May, til I realised that if I was going to post the opening chapter in two months time, I really, really had to think of a proper title.

19. Share your favorite opening line

""What do you pray for?" Hawkeye asks: not every time, but often. And when he doesn't ask, he looks: he stares at Mulcahy's rosary sometimes as if he hated it."

20. Share your favorite ending line

"First and foremost: Francis J. P. Mulcahy, formerly chaplain 4077th MASH: without you, this book would not have been written, and without you, I would not have been here to tell it."

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

"Doctor Pierce - debauched him?" "It does seem unlikely, doesn't it?" Charles said. "But then whatever else Pierce lacked, it was not persistence or audacity. Good God, did he know the Irishman could write like this? How?"

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

After a moment, Mulcahy laughed. He sounded more tired than amused. "All right," he said. "Should I move this chair?" He got up. Hawkeye caught him by the arm as he was about the pick up his own chair. "Let me." he said. "I know just where it has to be." He moved the chair around, where the light from the central lamp would be falling at the right angle on Mulcahy's head, and waved Mulcahy to sit down again. All Hawkeye had time for, that morning, was to check that there was no indication of a concussion, and no broken bones. He meant to give Mulcahy a haircut, but he wanted to check his scalp for cuts or bruises. "And what can I do for you, sir? Pompadour, bouffant, some stylish Victory rolls?" Hawkeye was gently combing Mulcahy's hair out with his fingers. "Perhaps a little scalp massage?"

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

Winchester folded his hands in front of him. He looked calmer. He also looked pompous, and embarrassed. "It appears I owe you an apology." "Thank you," Mulcahy said, after a moment's effort. "I didn't intend to say anything to upset you. I'm sorry. Is Hawkeye all right?"

It may not look very difficult, but the whole passage of Charles Emerson Winchester and Francis Mulcahy talking in Charles's study in December (in All We Know) was hugely difficult and very painful to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite. I was so hugely on Francis's side that I was having difficulty seeing Charles's side. I am very happy with how it eventually turned out. Jakrar is a wonderful person to work through a story with.

24. What’s something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

While writing the final September section of All We Know, back in February, I realised something about Charles Emerson Winchester's son, Charles Emerson Winchester Jr, that I genuinely had not realised previously, and while it didn't change the story much, it did affect it. (Our Charles's father and grandfather are dead at the time All We Know opens, so CEW III has lost his ordinal number and his son CEW is Junior.)

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.)

I use LibreOffice on a Windows 10 desktop. I can and do write on my laptop if I have to, but my favourite place to write is at my desk in the little room with the window that looks out only on the sky, facing the wall. I take notes on Notepad.

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

"Please don't worry," Mulcahy said. "We can find our own way out."

(You will find out why, next year.)

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

No.

28. How did you recharge between fics?

What is this "between fics" you speak of?

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

I would thank my demonic proofreader Jakrar, who is enabling me to keep writing this story in the best demonic style, Ajay, who has been my closest fannish friend for getting on for forty years, and @rescue-ram whose fabulous pro-Trapper comments (and fic) make me very, very happy. Also, for ideas presented to me in 2022 and 2023 that I stole without conscience and used ruthlessly in my own words in 2023: FaustianSlip for Not A Second Time, @allcanonisrelative for Every time, I think of you, @yeats-infection for What the Thunder Said, and also Crystalrose and @topshelf2112-blog for their very different but quite illuminating takes on Charles Emerson Winchester in particular and his relationship with Hawkeye Pierce, which was not something I'd thought much about before I started planning All We Know.

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

I want to finish All We Know and Rosary and Nurse Doctor and MirrorMASH and I would quite like to write a few more episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer's gay foster dads. And I look forward to getting more ideas for something new.

Posted at 31:12:23:23:12:31.

[kizo2703]

Bellamy and Echo ('The 100')

"There is nothing quite as disappointing as trying to make an unlikable character appeal to the audience by attaching them to the fan favorite. For Bellamy (Bob Morley), his confusing romance with Echo (Tasya Teles) became a problem for viewers ever since its big reveal in the season 5 premiere. The 100 spent the next two seasons trying to avoid giving the relationship screen time instead of simply breaking the characters up."

[overseermartin]

One of my favourite things to do with a character I like, especially if the character is a little fucked up, is give them a small angry traumatised child to look after (which is why I think I like Daud so much. He lets me do my shit and it's basically cannon compliant).

Can't stop won't stop thinking about Martin taking a young man training to be an Overseer under his wing because the kid is just a little fucked up and reminds him of himself when he was younger. But when he was younger he was on the streets of Morley and this kid is literally within the pristine walls of the Overseer's offices most days, so he really needs to drop the angry teen sarcasm for some more refined so sly you can't tell he just called you an idiot Marin style sarcasm, lest some overstuffed Overseer gets a little too excitable during a punishment and half way kills the kid for back talk.

I just adore thinking about that intersection of a character not being a good person, teaching their kid Not Great things, but it still being gentle in parts and even if he says it's just so the kid will survive, and he's short tempered with him in places, or cuffs him around the back of the head when he won't listen, he's still listening to the boy's problems as he helps him tend an injury from a disciplinary hearing, he's still giving the kid a nod and sly smile when they do something well. It's still love in its own way, even if he's telling the boy how to lie, manipulate, and twist the situation to his gain, even if others get hurt.

Also a huge fan of 'teaching a kid to be tough and get back at the world' combined with 'kid teaching him right back how to have compassion and love and laugh and be lighter and happier and oh fuck he's a dad now. An actual dad- this isn't a void-damned kid that he just tolerates that's his SON. Oops.'

Oh interesting 👀 anon you should totally write that as a fic, I'm pretty the fandom would eat that up

[denimbex1986]

A little bit over a week ago, Netflix released their adaptation of David Nicholl’s book One Day. As a fan of the novel and the panned 2011 film, I knew what to expect from the story of Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew, which One Day follows over the course of eighteen years. While it might come as a surprise to the critics, the film adaptation had the potential to make me weep back in the day. Alas: when I watched Netflix’s rendition, the tears didn’t come. There were a few, but they weren’t the guttural sobs that I’d expected. I had the same experience with All of Us Strangers and The Iron Claw too. But scroll X or TikTok, and you’ll find that it’s quite the opposite for most viewers of these sad-centric media, with people describing themselves as “traumatised for life” and “choking on [their] own tears” in response to One Day alone. Was it a ‘me’ problem? Or is it that misery porn is at such a saturation point that I simply can’t withstand anymore?

“The way the iron claw broke me is insane [sic] definitely ugly crying at the moment, ” reads a tweet about A24’s flick on the Von Erich brothers. “I’m dead inside” reads one in response to Andrew Haigh’s All of Us Strangers. It’s safe to say that misery porn not only has the desired effect, but that people gobble that up. There’s no better illustration of that than the sheer amount of it. As well as those mentioned, last year saw a renewed interest in Hanya Yanagihara’s novel A Little Life, and recently we’ve been blessed (or cursed) with films like The Whale, Past Lives, and Close. While Hollywood execs aren’t going to slap it on their films anytime soon, misery porn is now almost a genre in itself...

And all of this comes at a time when we’re not only recognising our society-wide penchant for “yearning”, but wondering what it is exactly that we’re yearning for. Happiness would be an obvious answer to that question if it weren’t for the popularity of films like The Iron Claw and All of Us Strangers. With them in mind, it seems what we’re looking for is the experience of feelings, no matter how positive, negative, or how extreme. Given we’re all a bit numb – big chunks of our existence being mediated by phones and computer screens – that makes sense.

Essentially, we’re at a kind of crossroads with the genre. Still, what is it about the people, like myself, that don’t get a kick out of misery porn anymore? Some say that not crying at films makes you a bit of a weirdo. Some say it means you’re depressed. I’d hazard a guess that it’s down to the fact that, as I get older, I’m increasingly aware of the fantasy element of what I’m viewing. In this sense, you could argue that misery porn capitalises on a vulnerable audience that has something of a sell-by date...

But the idea that misery porn finds an audience unified by their shared vulnerability does tap into something important: that there’s ethical considerations that come with the genre. It’s a rhetoric that all the chatter around A Little Life comes to time and time again. Namely, is it okay to use trauma as entertainment? Or is it veering on the voyeuristic side of things? It’s a hard line of argument to pursue – you start getting bogged down with whether anyone can tell someone else if their art is appropriate – but it’s arguable that there’s a time and a place for misery porn. A landmark work of the genre, for example, might be something like Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar. That feels off the table in terms of its supposed “value” as misery porn, because it was so seminal in exploring women’s mental health. The same might go for something like Ava Duvernay’s limited series When They See Us, which dramatised the events surrounding the central park five. It’s horrible to watch, but we need to see that.

Beyond that – and this is most definitely a ‘me’ problem – there’s something annoying about the inherent competitiveness of misery porn. The hordes of tweets with suicidal ideation and increasingly obscure clips… They’re grating. As it is when someone obnoxiously sniffs during the final moments of The Iron Claw. That’s no-one’s fault, per say. Directors like Andrew Haigh don’t set out to have their work diluted into a clip from Fleabag and the girl loudly weeping in the cinema is probably just responding to the Letterbox-ification of cinema in a broader sense. You haven’t watched a film unless it’s been recorded on an app, given an arbitrary rating… And sobbed because of it.

Where does all of this leave us? One thing’s for sure, and that’s that I don’t think we’ll see the back of misery porn anytime soon. That’s okay, though. These conversations are a testament to the fact that we’re increasingly conscious of who’s benefiting from the exploration of these hard-to-swallow subjects. With that, we might usher in audiences that find value outside the things that pluck at their heartstrings. While their online reception obscures it, there’s so much radical loveliness in films like The Iron Claw and a TV series like One Day. Both, in fact, are unified by their endeavour to represent the afterlife, which I’d argue is worth more merit than how much they make you cry...'

[whatisreggieshortfor]

My Gypsy

Yasmín x MC

Morley had just been trying to get a bloody coffee.

She had finally managed to slip away from her handler, dodged past fans that recognized her, and made it the shoppe.

Only to slam into another person as she tossed open the door.

“Oh shite!” She caught the woman’s arm, “I’m so sorry.”

“No worries,” She waved her off with a smile, eyes crinkling as she laughed to herself seeing her coffee spilled on the floor.

“Let me buy you a new one,” Morley offered, not noticing she still the woman’s hand in hers.

“It’s really okay,” the stranger responded sincerely, “Might be my sign to finally cut caffeine.”

“Could be a sign to let a pretty girl buy you a drink!” The barista shouted, his unruly curly brown hair swishing as he laughed at his own joke.

But the woman smiled, “Yeah, maybe you’re right, Rocco. Okay, miss. You win.”

Grinning, Morley led her to the counter, buying both of their coffees just before her phone started ringing.

Her handler had finally realized she wasn’t there. Sigh.

The tabloids had gotten a picture of her holding the mystery woman’s hand, though Morley had learned that day her name was Yasmín. It was fitting, a free spirited name for a free spirited woman.

The problem was that tabloids were circulating the image of a secret love, and Morley had no idea who the woman was.

“The fans are lapping this up,” Her handler informed her, walking her through one of the many winding corridors of the offices in the record label, “It’s been great for both of your careers.”

“Both?” Morley’s face scrunched in confusion as she was shooed into a conference room-

Only to find the mysterious beauty seated in the same room.

“I knew you looked familiar,” Yasmín mused, “You’re more mainstream than I am, but talent recognizes talent.”

Morley blinked, entirely unsure what was happening. But her producer was a step ahead.

“The public thinks you’re dating. Your music is flying off the shelves, merch is running out, downloads are higher than ever- for both of you.”

“So you want us to go all in? Fake eggs in the basket?” Morley was in awe Yasmín had caught on so quickly, but as soon as she said it Morley realized how obvious it was. Of course that would be their answer.

The producer hadn’t been happy when Morley publicly aired her split with her ex (and still dear friend) Talia. They got a temporary spike in ratings as fans converged to show support for the singer through the break up, but sales stayed high when she was in a relationship.

The pains of being a pop star with songs of love and romance.

Shouldn’t it feel more awkward?

Morley had that thought more often than she expected she would. Yasmín was a breath of fresh air- sometimes literally, if the mood struck she would drag Morley out of the city on a whim to pick wildflowers.

But it felt less and less like it was fake.

Like when they went to the flowers and there was no way paparazzi followed them for so many miles, but Yasmín still held her hand.

Or when they had at home date nights to watch movies and Yasmín insisted on cuddling as they watched some indie horror flick she found for the ‘authenticity’.

Or when Yasmín would find her at break at the studio and they’d have lunch, in a storage closet so no one would bother them, and she would press a kiss to Morley’s cheek each time they were about to separate.

Morley didn’t want to get her hopes up. She was told by a therapist years ago she had attachments issues, and she could tell Yasmín wasn’t the type to stay nailed down for long.

She didn’t want to catch feelings just for Yasmín to remind her it was fake. Unlike Morley, Yasmín had the wandering heart of a gypsy.

She needed a freedom that Morley had never felt.

Morley wasn’t a person that could hold on to what she could have. She was all or nothing.

So where Yasmín was able to play up fake affection for the camera, Morley could only handle handholding and smiling.

She was able to free herself in some aspects, not being so stringent on a routine of what she ate, setting her own schedule even if her producer originally got annoyed with it. She was learning that not everything was conditional, but somethings could change.

She liked to think Talia was proud of her, their affection firmly held in platonic realms now, but she had improvements she used to struggle with. And it was thanks to the same reason Morley couldn’t let herself get attached now.

Yasmín was a drum with her own beat.

She was a bolt of lightning that didn’t strike twice in the same place.

An unexpected pearl only found in the deep sea.

An award ceremony is where it all came to a head.

Yasmín had won an award for a song she’d released as a single, and her speech was entirely about finding something unexpected when she met Morley.

It was touching, and affectionate, and so so so much of what Morley wanted to be real.

But it just wasn’t.

When Morley won best new album, she knew what she was supposed to say.

She was supposed to say that she couldn’t have done it without Yasmín.

Supposed to say that the love they shared inspired her many new hits.

Supposed to say that she found everything she was looking for when they found each other.

Supposed to say that My Gypsy was inspired by Yasmin’s hold on her heart.

She was supposed to say everything she actually felt.

And she couldn’t.

Because the second she did, everything she’d been pretending was fake and hiding from the light of day would become real.

So instead Morley thanked everyone in her life, Yasmín and Talia by name. Saying that she couldn’t have done it without all the support she received.

And then she hurried off stage.

There was a moment, as the seat fillers came to relieve them to step outside and use the loo, where Yasmín looked at her with an expression she couldn’t quite read, and Morley figured it was the end.

She walked slowly and quietly as she left the room, feeling Yasmín trailing behind her-

And suddenly she was yanked into a closet.

“You don’t like me much, do you?” Morley felt herself blanche, this was it. “Sometimes I feel like maybe you do, but other times it feels like we’re not even mates. I can call this off now, leave you alone, just tell me it’s what you want.”

“I just-“ Morley sighed, “I don’t want to get attached when you aren’t going to stick around.”

Yasmin’s shining eyes seemed to search Morley’s face, like she was trying to decode a secret message, “Kiss me.”

“Wha-“ Morley gaped, “Why- Did you even listen to what I said?”

“I did.” Yasmín answered simply, taking Morley’s hands so she couldn’t run away, “Just let go. For once. Let yourself get attached without the promise of forever.”

“I can’t!” Morley snapped, “I can’t love you just to be left alone!”

Yasmín stepped forward, leaving her unable to retreat in the small closet, and pressed their lips together.

Morley wanted to pull away, to stop, but she melted far quicker than her defenses were prepared for.

Stepping back, Yasmín held her face in her hands, “I can’t promise forever.” She said quietly, “But I can promise you that for as long as you want me, I’ll be there.”

“What if that means forever?” Morley asked, hope mixing with the concern.

Yasmín shrugged, “That’s a bridge I’ll cross when it comes around. But… forever doesn’t actually sound too bad if it’s with you.”

Masterlist

[musicblogwales]

HMS Morris unveil Impressive new ‘Family Souls’ single

The band’s first release since reforming as a family of four offers up a bouncy art-pop collage dealing with the dissonance between Heledd’s roles as a dutiful west-Walian daughter on one hand, and as a badass creative force to be reckoned with on the other.

Despite the general global turmoil of the last few years, HMS Morris have had a pretty good time of it since their last release, Pastille EP, in December 2020. They’ve branched out into composing for theatre and television, added two new members to the crew (danger-hips guitarist Billy Morley and renowned Kermit impersonator Iestyn Huw Jones on drums), and have more or less settled into the idea of being in their 30s.

Their new live show reached maturity last summer with two very special fully-costumed 7-piece performances at the Eisteddfod in Tregaron; now Family Souls marks the beginning of a new phase in their careers as recording artists. After an introduction of sampled strings, drum loops and bratty BVs, a riff-led verse finds lead singer and lyricist Heledd Watkins berating herself for her inability to perform properly in front of her family.

Her inner-critic is annoyed and confused, but this is a problem for a lot of artists; how do you reconcile the persona you’ve cultivated in order to give yourself creative freedom with the image that’s held by those who raised you? Or at least, the image that you imagine they hold – as the song passes through a dreamy bridge into a low-key funky chorus, the narrator realises that she probably doesn’t know what they’re thinking after all. Despite the unshakeable conviction that you know these people on a deep level, ultimately you cannot read their minds, and it might be an idea to actually talk with them.

Treating your parents like people in their own right, how terribly grown up! Family Souls will be released on Bubblewrap Records on April 7th , and will be available on all major digital services.

Music video by Trigger Happy Creative

HMS LIVE

May 5th - Supporting Melin Melyn in Hyda Park Book Club, Leeds

May 6th - Focus Wales

May 7th - Supporting Melin Melyn in The Bunkhouse, Swansea

May 27th - In It Together Festival, Margam Park

FOR FANS OF: Talking Heads, MGMT, Sparks, alt-J, Still Woozy, Kate Bollinger, Steve Lacy, Stereolab

[scottwbeattie]

Review: Iron Man Epic Collection 11: Duel of Iron

A bit sillier than I remember, but great nevertheless

My previous reviews have all been for Epics where most (if not all) of the issues are new to me, however, I'd already read all of the single issues in Duel of Iron prior to owning the Epic. So I think my perspective has altered slightly based on reading these for the second time.

I had forgotten (or had been so caught up in the good parts) how silly a lot of the villains are in Iron Man 11. In general, and, I say this as a massive Iron Man fan, Iron Man's rogues' gallery isn't great considering he's a founding Avenger and has been around since 1963. Even graded on a curve, many of these antagonists in these issues fall short. Foes like the Brothers Grimm and Vibro are basically goofy, one-off Silver Age villains, except that these comics are from the 80's not the 60's. There's also the cartoon-ish Zodiac crime organization, which tries to kill Iron Man in ways that feel like they'd be more at home in Looney Tunes (putting TNT in the van engine! Blowing up a bridge!) than the serious title that this was intended to be.

That said, the issues in this collection work, because the true conflict is actually James Rhodes and Tony Stark battling their own inner demons. Carrying on from the previous collection, James Rhodes is still serving as Iron Man, however, the armor seems to be giving him increasingly severe headaches which, in turn, make him more erratic. Meanwhile, Tony Stark, having lost literally everything in his battle with Obadiah Stane, is living on the streets as a homeless alcoholic. Tony's alcoholism reaches a turning point in the harrowing #182 (one of my favorite Iron Man issues), and he eventually attains sobriety. Yet when he joins Rhodey, Clytemnestra and Morley Erwin's fledgling tech startup company, it triggers Rhodey's sense of jealousy and his behavior becomes even more unpredictable and violent. Eventually, Tony is forced to don an older version of armor in order to stop his friend in the excellent #192 (another favorite of mine).

I love the way that O'Neil writes Tony and Rhodey. It's quite clever how the Iron Man armor represents something that gives them purpose and maybe even happiness, but both also believe that it's the source of their inner demons. The reader saw in this volume just how far he had fallen, and it makes sense that, since he thinks the armor exacerbated his personal problems, he would also be terrified to put it back on. When he finally does (albeit briefly) 10 issues later, the moment is that much more powerful. I’m less in love with the way that O’Neil resolved Rhodey’s headaches, but I did like that he sought out Henry Pym and Shaman of Alpha Flight to help him. I love when characters appear in other titles without it becoming a crossover. Those types of small interactions are what the Marvel Universe does best.

I knew penciler Luke McDonnell from the great Suicide Squad comics of the late 80's long before I read any of these issues. He's a very solid, no-frills storyteller. Given his clear, straightforward layouts and reliability (he even draws the Annuals in addition to the regular issues), I can see him being a favorite of Jim Shooter-era Marvel.

Duel of Iron is a great read, although I'm not sure how much you'd get from it if you hadn't read the previous volume (Iron Man: The Enemy Within). If they're read together, it makes one of the best character deconstructions ever done in comics, especially since O'Neil cleans up his own mess and puts a mentally stronger Tony back in the suit by the end of his run. We're still waiting for the conclusion of O'Neil's run with Iron Man 12, but would it also be too much for to ask for a reprint of Iron Man 10?

[vampyr-bite]

This is an incredibly niche greivance but I'm reading an article about T. Rex from 1980 in which the journalist is making the point that in the 70s, T. Rex were considered 'trivial' whilst prog rock bands and heavy rock bands (e.g. Led Zeppelin) were considered 'serious'. This is fine, except he goes on to say that T. Rex fans ended up in groups like Buzzcocks or Positive Noise whilst Zep fans ended up in groups like Def Leppard as if the Leps aren't all massive fucking T. Rex fans..............

[puthyflapps]

“In regards to my last stream, I said what I said, and I stand by it. There is no real time or right way to speak about abuse. The policing of me finally doing so has been vile, and I said nothing that wasn’t true. If you choose to take a twenty-second clip out of the full context of a two-hour stream, that’s not on me. That’s on you for not doing your due diligence.

You speak on mental health and having compassion for those with mental health problems, yet you’ve also sent me death threats, aggressive and constant hate for years, found my phone number to send me pictures of my ex’s wedding, texted my mother, sent me e-mails and actual mail to my actual house. Called me a rat, a goblin, fat, everything under the sun. Tried to hack into my social media accounts, continuously tag me on Instagram in photos of my ex, and then you have the audacity to tell me to move on as if you haven’t been the ones holding me hostage to them with all of these things.

It’s been daily for almost 5 years now. How do you not see how this over time could absolutely break someone? I personally suffer from depression, anxiety, an eating disorder, and body dysmorphia, and yet, you still send me this vitriol. Where’s your compassion then? Last year I was silent and you still managed to find something to be upset with me about. So I had all of these things along with what was happening in my own actual long-term relationship. So of course I’m going to be upset and use this platform to finally speak out.

I’m obviously still scared of that man, and I’m obviously scared of you. This is my safe space. I have every right to speak about my past. Nothing you say can change the fact that I lived it. I was there, you were not. I’m not spreading rumors by speaking about my own history. You however, will forever repeat the same untrue thing over and over and over until you’re blue in the face, no matter how many times you’ve been told it’s not true. No matter how much proof you have to the contrary.

My stealing anxiety medication or telling my ex to get over it when he had a panic attack at a convention didn’t happen.

Removing my ex from the crowd of fans surrounding our hotel in France, AFTER we’d been followed by them the whole day? He paid me to do that.

My “stealing Ellie”? Where’s all this energy for Clover? Because we got both of the dogs together over a year into our relationship.

My cheating on an ex, a prior ex, with a girl? That partner and I had a conversation about it before hand, because we were two adults in a relationship with communication.

That partner never had any problems with my sexuality. The only one who’s ever taken issue with it was my most recent ex. They were not happy when they found out I was bisexual and in that relationship I was never out and proud.

The people angry with me for laughing or smiling when saying these things — I laugh to break discomfort.

Do you have any idea how embarrassed I am that I let all of that go on for so long? How nervous and scared I am to come out with this now? It took over a year to get to a place where I felt healed and safe enough to finally say a fraction of what happened to me. And now I’m happy for having let it out, and I’m done with this.”

– Arryn Zech

Twitch stream on 07/01/2020

Addressing harmful rumors perpetuated by members of the bellarke fandom as well as the abuse she endured from them and her ex, Bob Morley

[stan-morley]

There are two genders; Morley Stan and Morley Anti.

And my brother in Christ, you better believe I’m about to start gendering.

[autolenaphilia]

Granada Holmes (series review)

The 1984-1994 Granada series of Sherlock Holmes adaptations, starring Jeremy Brett as Holmes are regarded by fans as a milestone among the many adaptations of Sherlock Holmes that were made. Brett is said to be “the definitive Holmes”. And I would largely agree with that, despite it not being my favourite version, and it having some flaws and weak episodes, especially as the series went on.

The first thing that set this show apart is that it went back to the original stories and adapted those. Now, it isn’t the first version to do so, as some people (including Brett, apparently) claim. The 1920s silent film series with Eille Norwood was fairly canon accurate, and the 1960s BBC tv series with Douglas Wilmer and Peter Cushing also followed the canon. There is also the 1979-1986 Soviet Russian series with Vasily Livanov. And on radio you have more canonical dramatizations, such as the British John Gielgud 1950s series and the BBC Carleton Hobbs series from the 50s and 60s. People have an unfortunate tendency to ignore radio in favour of screen adaptations.

Still, it must be granted that Granada at its best is probably the supreme screen adaptation of the canon. The production values and acting are far superior to what the 60s BBC tv series had.

Jeremy Brett was a revolution in Holmes performances. The previous era defining Holmes, Basil Rathbone, as great as he was, made Holmes into too much of a straightforward hero. Brett brought back the eccentricities (including the drug use), the nervous energy and the character’s general moodiness and emotionality that was there in the text.

Holmes in the Granada series was ultimately on the side of good and a benevolent figure (if occasionally rude), but fictional justice perhaps had never an odder champion. He did everything from sitting weirdly, jumping over couches to taking drugs. Holmes felt neurodiverse, and indeed Brett used his own experiences with bipolar disorder in the performance.  And it was true to canon, in a way we seldom had seen on screen before.

Jeremy Brett’s performance as Holmes is extremely influential and often imitated by later screen adaptations, but has never been surpassed. The portrayal of Holmes in BBC Sherlock and the movies with Robert Downey Jr. is clearly inspired by Brett’s nervy eccentric genius Holmes, but ends up a bad parody. Holmes in the Granada series can like his canon counterpart occasionally be rude or careless towards other, but it was lapses, not a general trend. They seemed to be caused by an eccentric brain on another wavelength from the people around him, rather than any malevolence. Holmes in BBC Sherlock is a male nerd wish-fulfilment fantasy, where the character’s eccentric genius are allowed to excuse any crimes.

At its height, Brett’s Holmes is an awe-inspiring performance, with the actor pouring everything of his skill and energy into it. You could criticize it as melodramatic over-acting, but it makes for great viewing and fits the man who said “I never can resist a touch of the dramatic”.

The Granada series gets much credit for rehabilitating the role of Watson. Both of the actors playing him depicted as very much intelligent and capable. It is somewhat overstated of course, the turning away from the comedic figure Nigel Bruce portrayed started already with Andre Morell’s Watson in the 1959 Hammer Hound of the Baskervilles. Still, the Watson depicted by the Granada series is still one of the show’s chief draws.

The series had a switch in the actors playing Watson, with David Burke portraying him in the first two seasons of 13 episodes  and The Empty House featuring Holmes return to a Watson portrayed by Edward Hardwicke. And honestly it is hard to choose between them, because they are both great and there is a consistency in the writing that makes them feel like the same basic character. 

Burke’s Watson comes across as younger and more energetic of the two actors and has perhaps the better comedic dynamic with Holmes. He is perhaps my pick, as despite his actual age while playing the part, he feels closer to the young Watson of the canon.

But that is no serious slight against Hardwicke’s performance, which is still first-rate. Hardwicke’s Watson feels older, despite the difference in age between the actors being but a few years. The performance is also defined by an effortless charm and warmth, giving Watson an avuncular aura. But Watson is not at all infirm and is still an intelligent medical man and an experienced soldier, ever ready with his revolver.

An interesting change from the Canonical stories is that Watson never gets married and moves out of Baker Street. The Sign of the Four features Mary Morstan, but at the end she walks out of the story without any romance between her and Doctor Watson. The reason this was done, is that it simplifies the set-up of the stories. With Watson in 221B, he is always on hand to join Holmes. No need for a scene at the beginning of Holmes taking Watson away from wife and practice. Also it saves them keeping track of when Watson was married or not, something that Conan Doyle himself got into a serious continuity tangle about.

As producer Michael Cox (quoted in David Stuart Davies’s book Starring Sherlock Holmes)  noted, Conan Doyle himself probably regretted marrying off Watson, considering The Empty House has Watson suffering from a “sad bereavement” and then moving back in with Holmes. So it is a very much acceptable deviation from canon.

It also frees the writers to focus on the most important relationship in the canon: the friendship between Holmes and Watson. The canon has been called “a textbook of friendship” by Christopher Morley, and the chemistry and relationship between Holmes and Watson is vitally important to any adaptation. And that aspect of the stories is wonderfully conveyed here, with both actors playing Watson working together with Brett as Holmes well to convey the odd but close friendship between the two men.

Rosalie Williams plays Mrs. Hudson, and she is excellent in the role. The Granada series has a lot of little scenes of Mrs. Hudson added into the canonical cases, and they work excellently, giving her more of a presence. Many of them are comedic, making jokes about how a difficult and eccentric lodger Holmes is, but there is a clear undercurrent of affection throughout their interactions.

The recurring cast members include Charles Gray as Mycroft Holmes and Colin Jeavons as Inspector Lestrade.

 Gray as Mycroft is close to ideal, fitting the character of the overweight, lazy and intelligent canon character perfectly. He was such a good fit for the role that he had actually earlier played the part in the film adaptation of The Seven-Per-Cent Solution.

Jeavons fit the part of Lestrade and his acting is superb, capable of showing the full extent of Lestrade’s character, having both smug over-confidence at times, yet also having genuine respect and affection for Holmes.

The acting skills of the actors playing characters who only appear in one episode is also generally very high. And that is part of the general high quality of execution the show had for most of its run. The period sets and the directing was of a similar high standard. The music by Patrick Gowers is excellent, and I suggest any fan take a listen to this Youtube playlist of his soundtrack.

The scripts are quite excellent, for the most part sticking close to the Conan Doyle stories. Of course there are always infidelities here and there, and sometimes the episode would go on non-canonical tangents.

Usually it was to make the story work better on screen. For example, the villains in The Greek Interpreter escape from Holmes and Watson, ending up being killed “off-screen” as it were. So the Granada version of the same tale has a non-canonical ending of Holmes, Watson and Mycroft confronting the villains on a train, something that works rather well. Another example is The Musgrave Ritual which entirely ditches the original story’s framing device of Holmes telling Watson the story of an early case of his. In the Granada version Watson is with Holmes on this case, and it works better that way.

And with all of these elements working together, for most of its run, the Granada series is perhaps the definitive screen adaptation of Sherlock Holmes. The first four seasons of 50 minute episodes, which were broadcast under the titles of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and The Return of Sherlock Holmes from 1984-1988 plus the feature length adaptation of The Sign of Four are pretty much all great. It went from strength to strength, consistently making very well-made adaptations of the canon.

The Sign of Four is probably a good pick for Granada’s peak, due to its epic nature. And it is definitely the best of the five feature-length films they did. Outside of leaving out any romance between John and Mary, the film is faithful to the book, although it goes too far in that direction in keeping in the racism of the story. But it also has all of the book’s virtues as a story too, and fine acting from Brett, Hardwicke, and John Thaw as Jonathan Small make for an enjoyable viewing experience.

There was however a decline in the series later years. The lynchpin of the series was Jeremy Brett, and his health began to seriously fail him by 1987, leading to his death in 199 (my source of information on Brett’s health decline and general behind the scenes things is mostly Davies’s book Starring Sherlock Holmes) Once lean and looking remarkably like the Sidney Paget illustrations of Holmes, his conflicting medications for his heart problems and bipolar disorder caused him to retain water and bloat, causing him to no longer look like the lean figure he once was. His looks wasn’t really the problem, what was however was that his health problems drained him of the energy that he once was able to put it into his performance, creating through no fault of his own a more lethargic and weaker Holmes.

There was also a growing lack of care shown towards the series by Granada itself. The budgets began to shrink by 1988, and while the series looked good for the most part, it did impact the show.

Probably the first disappointing episode is the double-length adaptation of The Hound of the Baskervilles from 1988. You would expect the Granada series, with their excellent leads and excellent track record up to this point, to create the definitive version of this often-filmed story, but it just isn’t. It isn’t bad, but it is ultimately mediocre in a way that is hard to pinpoint. My guess is that the direction and cinematography doesn’t manage to create the suspense the story needs, resulting in a slow-paced and slightly boring experience.

It also ends up show-casing the problems the show would now begin to have, with the production crew not having the money to do location shooting on Dartmoor and Brett obviously showing the signs of his failing health.

The Hound film was followed by a season of six 50-minute length episodes, called The Case-book of Sherlock Holmes. And these were mostly fine, considering the circumstances. The budget had been reduced compared to earlier seasons and you could tell the writers sometimes lacked a first-rate canonical story to adapt.

There were one or two weaker episodes, but those were due to the original story being weak. For example, the season ended with a faithful adaptation of The Creeping Man and it is as good and well-made a tv adaptation you could ever hope to make with such a bizarre plot. The result is of course pure camp, but so is the original story. When the show had a good Conan Doyle story to adapt, like The Boscombe Valley Mystery, The Problem of Thor Bridge or The Illustrious Client, the results are indeed up to the standards of its past.

The real nadir of the series came later, however, when in 1992-93 the series decided to do three double-length episodes. Granada wanted the Holmes series to copy the success of Inspector Morse and its 100 minute tv film format. The problem was the show would still adapt Conan Doyle’s short stories into a format that was far too long for them. So the scriptwriters had to pad the stories out with their own inventions.

This sort of worked for the first film of these three films, The Master Blackmailer. It was based on Charles Augustus Milverton, which is one of the shortest stories in the canon, but one of the most rich in dramatic potential. Writer Jeremy Paul’s script decided to show in detail what is merely mentioned in the story, such as Milverton blackmailing people and Holmes courting Milverton’s maid in order to gain access to his home. The end result works, it is somewhat slow-paced but is ultimately coherent and at its best feels like you are watching the backstory to the canonical events.

The same can’t be said for the second and third of these films, The Last Vampyre and The Eligible Bachelor. The Last Vampyre is an almost completely incoherent non-adaptation of The Sussex Vampire, where elements from the canonical story probably make up less than 5% of the resulting film. There is an attempt to create intrigue and suspense around the original character Stockton, but the film is so vague about what he is and what threat he poses that the resulting film makes no sense.

The Eligible Bachelor is a similar adaptation of The Noble Bachelor, where the canonical story elements that remain is entirely subsided by a new bizarre plot where Lord St. Simon is now a ruthless Bluebeard-like villain. It is slightly better than The Last Vampyre, simply because the villain here poses an identifiable and somewhat coherent threat. Still, the film has to pad things out with bizarre subplots, like Holmes having prophetic dreams, which ultimately doesn’t lead anywhere.

Wisely, the series returned to the 50 minute format for the last season of six episodes, which aired in 1994, under the name of “he Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes. It was with this season Jeremy Brett’s health problems and the lower budgets really began to seriously affect the show. Brett was in a bad state at this point, and the description of the production in Davies’s book makes for sad reading.

During the filming of one episode in this season, The Three Gables, he had to use a wheelchair between takes and supplementary oxygen to ease his breathing. His performance is naturally lacking in the energy he once had, but the fact it is a performance at all is testament to his commitment. The Three Gables is actually one of the better episodes of this season, as it actually manages to improve on one of the weakest stories in the canon.

Edward Hardwicke was unavailable to film The Golden Pince-nez, and they couldn’t re-schedule the shooting dates (which I suspect was a budget issue). So the writer wrote out Watson and replaced him in the role of Sherlock’s assistant with Mycroft, since Charles Gray was available. The result is well-made otherwise, with guest stars Frank Finlay and Anna Carteret giving great performances, but the lack of Watson is sorely felt. It is fun to see Charles Gray’s Mycroft again, but it feels contrary to his character to accompany his brother like this.

And before he could film The Mazarin Stone,  Brett’s health gave out on him and he was hospitalized. Again Charles Gray was called in by the producer to play Mycroft as a substitute. It is nice to see Mycroft for a fourth time, but Mycroft doing this doesn’t feel true to his character. And this episode is one of the weakest in the series, due to the script. Not that I blame the scriptwriter too much, The Mazarin Stone is one of the worst stories in the canon. The efforts to improve on the story by combining it with another weak story  The Three Garridebs don’t at all manage to rescue it.

However, there are still some rather good episodes in this season . The Red Circle is good and The last ever episode of the series, The Cardboard box manages to close out the series on a good if dark note.

Jeremy Brett died in 1995 due to heart failure, ending all hope of any future series.

I might have delved too much on the series failures in this essay. Because all of that is outweighed by the consistent high quality the series managed to achieve in the first four seasons, and with a few failures, still managed to sometimes achieve again in the later ones. Those adaptations are perhaps the peak of Holmes on screen.

It is not my favourite adaptation, that is the BBC radio drama versions made starring Clive Merrison as Holmes from 1989 to 2010. Those were just as consistently good, with Merrison and Williams/Sachs as Holmes and Watson being on the same general level as Brett and Burke/Hardwicke as performances. In fact, the BBC version is more consistent, never going off the rails as the Granada version sometimes, and it actually managed to achieve the goal Brett had hoped for: adapting every canonical story.

Still that doesn’t take away from Granada’s great achievement in adapting the Holmes stories with such quality. It is an achievement that later movie and tv adaptations haven’t been able to surpass.

[tuiyla]

Standing Together: On Bellamy, Lexa, and the Disappointment That is The 100

Alright so despite having kept up with The 100 since season 3 started I haven’t really been a part of the fandom so you can dismiss this as a “she doesn’t even go here” post but I do have some thoughts after this latest episode.

So Bellamy died. He was killed off for what I can only see as plot contrivance and shock value, with Bob Morley’s absence from filming also being a reason. I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who found this to be a good writing choice or even felt the intended emotional effect. Much like with Lexa, the anger overshadows the hurt. Fans are not (just) upset because a beloved character died: they’re upset because it made no sense in a series already plagued by consistently bad writing.

You can be upset at Clarke as a character if you want but The 100 has what I call a “blame the writing” problem. With certain media I can trust that whatever happens is in character and fits into the narrative and therefore I can feel what the creators want me to. With shows like these? I can’t take the conflicts, the character struggles seriously anymore. They make it up as they go along and do so poorly.

And look, I’ve already said I don’t consider to be part of the fandom. I’m also admitting that pretty much the only reason why I keep on watching is because we watch together with my sister. So with all this in mind, I really don’t feel like I have emotional stakes here. Again, I just don’t trust the show. All of this said, what truly pains me is to see people going at each other. No matter what you ship, no matter what aspects of the show you like and dislike, there’s no need to be malicious. It saddens me to see a lack of compassion in the fandom.

So let’s be compassionate. Let people mourn this fictional character and let them be upset at the creators. Let’s not point fingers and call people out for perhaps not being kind enough when Lexa died. Generalizing, in particular, is no use right now. I mean, look at what Lexa’s death resulted in! From raising money for LGBT charities to ClexaCon and so much more. Believe me when I say that the hurt people felt four years ago made an impact. Lexa is part of academia now and papers are being done on Bury Your Gays and the importance of representation. It, the whole thing, but also she far outgrew The 100 and there’s poetic justice in that.

People pulled together then and they can now. Before you say that either a) Lexa was different because she was queer or that b) The 100 has a race problem and Clexas are all racist, please, stop and think both critically and compassionately. The statements “Lexa’s death was unnecessary and played into dangerous tropes” and “Bellamy’s death was unnecessary and The 100 has a huge problem with PoC characters suffering and dying violently” can and should coexist. Lexa’s death was a catalyst. Bellamy is another example of The 100 mishandling PoC characters, to put it mildly. Both instances are issues, not just because of the minority aspect but because they’re examples of the writing’s flaws. They’re also part of the same larger problems that the show (and its showrunner) has. Remember, intersectionality. In a way, like with Lexa, it’s good that disappointment in fictional media can raise awareness for such issues.

When I witnessed the aftermath of Lexa’s death four years ago I never would have thought Bellamy would follow her just three episodes before the show ended. I’m personally quite neutral when it comes to shipping and stopped having favourites in The 100 when Raven was tortured for no reason for the umpteenth time. This shouldn’t be about that, though. Fans of Clexa, please do not gloat. You were hurt, and I’m sorry if anyone disrespected that, but The 100 made yet another mistake and people are hurting once again. That is, again, valid. It’s valid to be upset because you think Bellamy deserved better or because you shipped Bellarke. And it’s damn right valid to be upset over how the series treats minorities.

Be kind to each other and don’t stop pointing out logical inconsistencies, bad writing, and harmful tropes. I think it’s safe to say this show let everyone down, so let’s learn from that and do better. Lexa’s death was a catalyst; maybe, in a way, Bellamy’s can be, too. At the very least, viewers should be able to ask for better stories.

[laynemorgan]

These past few weeks -- this past presidency really -- have been wildly eye opening for me. As a liberal white person, I’ve spent the better part of the last few years learning and unlearning, checking myself, checking my peers, etc. But these last few weeks it has been even more so. Unsure of what to do with my voice in the din of twitter, and preferring to elevate voices of people of color around me, I wound up taking to facebook, spending the better part of the last months sharing political posts that I had died off on posting after Trmp’s election, confronting relatives and family friends that i had, a few years ago, decided i’d need to just come to terms with. Through all of it, I have seen a lot of grace. I’ve seen a lot of learning. And I’ve scene a lot of stubborn refusal to learn. And I’ve been those people. I’ve been learning but I’ve also refused to. I’m hoping to change that now. 

A few months ago, a girl on twitter approached me. She was angry. She confronted me flat out about how I felt that it was okay for me to preach equality and social issues as someone who had been so bad at confronting and apologizing for my own missteps in the past. As someone who had hurt people without consequence. She was right. I told her that. She told me that my previous apologies had been shitty and selfish. And she was right. I promised her I’d write a new one. 

And then I never did. 

When our world erupted into protests and marches and major social movement this last month, I became immediately embarrassed. The words I had promised had never made it out. I prioritized a million other things in my life instead of the people I had hurt. I regret that. So so so much. I regret not immediately writing an apology that I truly meant when it was pointed out to me how much I had let it all fall off my radar. I regret only thanking that one girl on twitter for her time and education and not the many, many other voices who had been trying to reach me over the years. I should have done that right away. I should have done that even before, without it having to be brought to my attention. I thought that because I had learned and knew better, because I personally knew where I had gone wrong and wouldn’t do it again, that it was over. But the truth is, that was a lesson I hadn’t been ready to learn either. That the people we’ve hurt don’t go away, that shitty apologies don’t make up for pain, that having selfish things to do with our time doesn’t excuse not prioritizing growth and reflection and acknowledgement. So for starters, I am sorry for that. I am sorry that it took me four years to say anywhere on the internet that i KNEW that apology I wrote was shitty. I’m sorry it took me four years to acknowledge to anyone how wrong it was that I was constantly requiring them to push me toward change. I am so sorry it has still taken me a months since that twitter exchange this year, and a full month since I realize I’d STILL forgotten about it to be here. And writing this. I’ve been selfish. I’ve shoved all of your important words and experiences and thoughts and lessons to a place where I could look at them when it was convenient for me. And that was fucking selfish. And ignorant. 

To now skip all of that intro and go into more detail, this whole story begins in my fandom days. When I loved and adored The 100 and was a very active member of that fandom. The reveal of Clarke’s bisexuality, the introduction of their Lesbian character, Lexa were important to me. In making that clear, I said in a tweet that another character, Bellamy (portrayed by Filipino actor Bob Morley) was less important and received preferential treatment by the fans due to his ability to be seen as a “hot white guy.” In short, I entirely erased Bob’s lived experience as a non-white man, I erased the visibility that Bellamy created for men like him, and when it was pointed out to me, I doubled down. I defended my stance, I fumbled to explain myself over and over. I thought that because my intent was not to harm that it excused me from the impact of what I had said. And it didn’t. What I said was wrong. It was erasure, it was ignorant and came from my own unchecked racism. I know that now. I didn’t then. I was embarrassed and upset that people thought the worst of me. When what I should have been was humble and willing to listen. And THAT is what is truly embarrassing. 

Then came the apology, several years later. I had spent time arguing about a cause that effected me personally and suddenly, was moved to more properly address what I had done. But again, my apology was about me. It came on my time, a day late and a dollar short. It wasn’t an apology at all. It was an explanation, a plea for understanding, laden with white fragility that I hadn’t yet examined. It was an apology that had learned how to fix what went wrong but hadn’t actually learned what was wrong about what I’d said and done. It stepped over the voices of the people who had been fighting to teach me. It re-centered myself, my experience, my emotions. And again, it was selfish. 

To be explicitly clear: the way I behaved toward the people who corrected me and tried to educate me in both of those instances was shameful. My inability to listen something I am actively working on as much as I can. I am so so sorry to those people especially, to Bob whether he knew about this incident or not, and to the entire fandom community at large for setting such a shitty example. 

This apology isn’t only about that moment, though. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately, and I wanted to make sure to talk about other stuff too. Other stuff that no one has been publicly calling me out for, but that is still bad. Whether it’s pointed out to me or not. Because I think growth is important and I think it’s important to humble ourselves to know when we were wrong, to look back on our actions once we have learned better and pull out the bad parts, show people, teach others. In my years in fandom, I made a thousand missteps. I was quick to get upset, when someone said a show or character I loved was racist or had done something racist. I was the person always shouting that not everything is racist. I was a fucking ignorant. I dug my heels in simply to defend things, without taking time to listen, without understanding the history of pain that people of color face when it comes to stories and representation. I thought I was smarter than I was. 

I didn’t listen when I was told that you can’t dreamcast a next gen character of a mixed race couple with just one of those races. I didn’t listen when white washing was explained to me. I was too stubbornly wrapped up in the things I wanted and my own perceived kindness and correctness to think that I could get something wrong, that I could need to put in a modicum of effort to change my ways. “There just aren’t that many mixed actors,” I’d say. But because I couldn’t name any off the top of my head didn’t mean they didn’t exist. And frankly, the fact that I couldn’t name any was shameful too. I know now, how important racial representation is. Again, I am sorry for not listening. I am sorry for whitewashing and for thinking that simply dubbing myself a good person and good ally didn’t make it so. I was too proud to learn. I’m working on dismantling that fragility too. 

I work in television now. I work in television because I want nothing more than to tell stories about everyone. This year I got my first script. And that same girl who called me on twitter a few months ago told me she didn’t want to support the show I worked on because she didn’t trust a project that I worked on. That fucking devastated me. I wanted to proudly wave the expectational diverse show I loved over my head and say “but look what we did!!” And when that instinct hit me, this time, for the first time, I checked myself. Because what I did didn’t matter without fixing what I had done. Without earning that trust back, without making it abundantly clear where my head and my heart are now. Something that felt “so long ago” to me was fresh and painful for other people. Being able to shove it away was a privilege I had and didn’t see. I had sat in the writers’ room on that show and advocated for our representation and felt proud of the stories we told. But none of that matters if I haven’t checked myself, and fixed the hurt that I’ve caused, personally first. 

I am truly sorry. I’m sorry for the mistakes I inevitably forgot about making that did not make this post. I’m sorry for the ignorance that made them less important to me than they are still to the people of color who witnessed them and the things I perpetuated. I’m sorry for not understanding that I can contribute to the problem, that I can BE the problem. I’m sorry for talking over you, for not listening to you, for letting you be the villain in my head and my heart and out here on my public profile for so long. I’m ashamed of my past, but I don’t want to keep letting time go without talking about. I want to bring my selfishness and my ignorance into the light and talk about it. I don’t want to cause anyone hurt for any longer than I need to, and I’m so sorry for never giving anyone closure on any of this before, even when I thought I had gotten it for myself. Thank you for reading this. Thank you for trying so hard to explain shit to me that I just didn’t hear. I know I’m inclined to wordy bullshit. I want you all to know that I’m listening. I’m late. But I’m listening. And again, I am sorry for having hurt you in the first place. I was wrong. I will likely be wrong again. But I promise you that I will do everything in my power to never, ever be as unwilling as I have been to learn. I am educating myself all the time now, in hopes that you won’t ever have to educate me again. But should that day come, I promise to meet you with the grace, humility, and open mind that I should have a long time ago. 

[sir-silly]

The Last War fan review

So, our beloved show has ended. And while I wish things would have gone differently, I did cry with relief when Clarke looked over and saw everyone already waiting for her.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of my thoughts on the finale.

1) Going right into the title sequence kind of shocked me. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but I was just immediately like “oh.” It was a bitch-slap in the face that they left a gap in the credits for Bob Morley. Why you gotta do us like that?

2) Murphy screaming “come on” while they used the defibrillator on Emori was heartbreaking. And his little whispered encouragements were so freaking cute.

3) Clarke rampage? Yes, please! I love me a badass woman. However, unlimited ammo is a sin in writing. The moment Octavia picked up the sword was a big “oh yes.”

4) Did Cadogan not care about his son like at all? Lmao. Why is he so hung up on Callie and not his other kid (who I can’t even remember the name of). I don’t care if they explain in the prequel, that’s still a shitty parent choosing favorites. Along with his wife, like, was she not his greatest love? It was Callie? Kinda fucked up.

5) Why the fuck could Jordan figure out it was a test and not a war in 5 seconds when the Disciples were studying that shit for decades? I know he’s Monty’s son, but he’s not a genius or anything.

6) Thoughts on the test: I think Cadogan would have failed and the human race would be destroyed. Why bother asking questions if you already know all the answers?

7) Why wasn’t Gaia in the finale like at all?? Like, what the fuck. She was hunting??? For what?? That really annoyed me because I’ve grown to really like her and there was no point in her not being involved in the last episode. They seriously couldn’t have thrown her in there? Like, come on! Even Niylah was there! (not saying that I don’t like her, it’s just that Gaia has felt far more important to the story than her).

8) I do think that Jasper and Hope are cute together, and I know they spent the majority of their lives either alone or only with their parents, but GOD I can’t stand how awkward they are. Also, I know ya’ll have feelings for each other and shit, but is now really the time to be making out?? Why do people think that’s okay in literally the worst situations? I know it’s a show, but come on.

9) And how the fuck did Jordan throw and catch that sword? He’s a child who’s never fought a day in his life. Unless they suddenly want to tell me that Harper and Monty were secret ninjas and taught him all their tricks, I don’t believe that.

10) I’m being pissy and bringing up things from the past, but I don’t care. Why the fuck couldn’t Harper and Monty gone into cryo? I know they were happy and shit, but I’M NOT. How the fuck did it take so long for him to get into the files for Sanctum? His ass has done that shit a thousand times before in about two minutes and suddenly it takes him 80 years? Bullshit.

11) I’m still being pissy, but how the fuck does Jordan know what a magician is? “For my first trick, I will make an army appear.” Bruh, no. Monty wouldn’t have known what a magician was either. If they weren’t being taught what a Navy Seal was, there’s no way they knew what magicians were. Calling bullshit on that one as well.

12) I was pretty surprised that the Disciples didn’t start firing on Wonkru immediately. Like, this is the war they’ve been gearing up for forever and they don’t attack as soon as possible? Also, where the fuck did Wonkru get their war paint? Do they just constantly have it on their person? Or did their asses literally spend time making their paint before going to Bardo?

13) I fucking love Miller and Jackson. They’re freaking adorable. Murphy’s flat “I am glad you are safe” was so fucking funny. Also, saving Emori in one scene just to kill her in the next is bullshit. They should have just killed her the first time and done the same thing anyway. Murphy screaming at Jackson to do something and sobbing was heartbreaking. Fantastic acting on Richard Harmon’s part.

14)  Octavia putting on Lincoln’s same warpaint again was once again, so sad. I miss that man. He was too good for his own good. And while I do think that her and Levitt are very cute together, I’ll always prefer her with Lincoln. But I think that he would be really happy that she has found someone new to love.

15) Apparently whatever Echo “did” to Levitt was so forgettable that I don’t even know what she’s talking about. Bad writing. I shouldn’t forget that in just a few weeks, I should remember as soon as I see the two of them in the same room.

16) Lexa. Just all of it. There were some suspicions that she would show up for the last episode, but I didn’t really believe them because I didn’t understand how she would be integrated. I’m glad that they did bring her back, but I’m also not. It was amazing to see her back by Clarke in all of her armor and glory, but knowing it wasn’t actually Lexa was just a punch in the face. It wasn’t her mind, so it’s almost like they didn’t bring her back anyway. I honestly would have preferred if they used someone else for her Judge, because that just really didn’t do it for me. Their hug was sweet, but it didn’t even count as her returning. I personally think that her Judge should have been Bellamy or Madi instead, as they both certainly could fill the role of “the subject’s greatest teacher or the source of their greatest failure...it can be their greatest love.” This is just my preference. Believe me, I know how much Lexa meant to Clarke, but as a fan, bringing our favorite Heda back in that way wasn’t the best way to do it. As a writer, it makes sense, but it doesn’t as a fan. The writers can’t just think of what is the best storytelling, they have to think of what those watching will think.

17) I’m confused about the mindspace? Why did Clarke wake up in her solitary room with her memories painted all over the walls, but Emori woke up in the castle with a view of the desert? Why wouldn’t it have been her and Murphy’s cave? Is there a reason it was the bedroom and not the cave?

18) I know this isn’t canon in any sense, but could you imagine if Murphy and Emori fought over John’s body and she won, and then suddenly woke up with a penis? How fucking funny would that be? Just had to throw that out there.

19) Can I just again reiterate how fucking cute Miller and Jackson are?

20) I’m curious about the location of the test. Why did Cadogan’s take place on a pier, while Raven’s happened on the Ark? If it was their favorite place, wouldn’t Raven’s have been actually out in space? Like during a spacewalk? I’m confused about that.

21) I knew that Raven was somehow going to be involved in the test just because of the trailers we got for the final episode. My two guesses for who the judge would be were Finn and Abby. Though I am happy that we got to see Abby again, I would be curious to see if the scene would have played out any differently if it had been Finn.

22) Where was the full line that was given in the trailer? Because that was amazing. “We’re selfish, and we’re violent, and we have destroyed too much, but we survived.” I loved that line far more than what we got instead, which was simply, “Have we made mistakes? Yes. Clarke, me, all of us, but we were just trying to survive.” I definitely would have chosen the former over the latter. Poor choice on the editors’ parts.

23) How the fuck did Octavia and Echo go out to the field and get Levitt with Echo only being shot once? With all the bullets, the three of them should have been torn apart, I don’t care how much Indra could cover Octavia. Calling bullshit on that as well.

24) Bringing this up kind of late because I’m giving my reviews as I’m rewatching the episode, but what they had Eliza do was really fucked up. Her and Bob suffered a miscarriage during the filming of season seven, so the scene of her holding Madi and crying “my baby” is like 10 times more heartbreaking. If they made her film that after having a miscarriage mere days, weeks or few months before, that’s really, really messed up.

25) They really played-up Sheidheda’s bringing back of “jus drein jus daun” in the trailer. In reality, it was far less intense. I would have preferred what I had been expecting, which was him coming to help convince Wonkru that they would be able to win. However, I am super glad that he is dead and Indra finally got to kill him. I love how that bigass gun just turns people into mist lol.

26) The beginning of Octavia’s speech was literally like “what the FUCK guys” and it was hilarious. And I swear to god if I hear her say “we are Wonkru” or “you are Wonkru” another time, I’m gonna scream. I know it was legit the last episode but I’m sick of it by now lol. When Indra was like “I hope you know what you’re doing,” Octavia’s face was just like “omg me too” and it was really funny.

27) Bellamy. His situation was a whole problem itself. He deserved a hell of a lot better and wHY DID HE CUT HIS HAIR I LIKED IT THE LONG WAY. Anyway, you can bet your ass I’ll be writing a different ending where he didn’t die because FUCK THAT. When I do, I’ll be sure to share it.

28) I’m fucking confused about Murphy and Emori both transcending. Because, what the fuck. Emori died. The dead don’t transcend. Her mind wasn’t even in her body, it was in Murphy’s. So how the fuck did she end up alive and in her own body again. I’m glad she’s alive, but I just don’t understand. It would have made way more sense to have either not had her die in the first place, or to have Murphy, Miller, and Jackson keep pumping her heart so she technically “lived” anyway like Echo.

29) If Madi had decided not to transcend, would she still have been paralyzed? I mean, I would assume not because Levitt and Hope’s gunshots were healed, as was Emori, but I’m curious. Also, wouldn’t Raven’s leg have been fixed? Because if they only fix recent wounds and not old ones, that’s stupid.

30) On the point of Madi deciding not to transcend, why did she? Why didn’t so many other people choose not to? Like, not one Eligius prisoner or person from Sanctum chose to live? No one else from Wonkru? Why didn’t anyone else other than the main cast and guest stars not transcend? I totally understand the Disciples transcending, but seriously, nobody else wanted to live? That’s really weird. Madi and her friends really couldn’t have chosen to live on Earth with Clarke and the others? I just think it’s really unrealistic that not one single person outside of the group chose not to transcend.

31) I was really surprised that Murphy and Emori chose not to transcend, because as the Judge said, they would eventually die and not join them in the infinite. It shocked me due to their fear of dying and wanting to be immortal, but I’m really proud of them.

32) I’m disappointed that those who don’t transcend can’t have children. There were suspicions that Emori might have been pregnant (which were never confirmed), but the idea of her and Murphy having a kid together was adorable. They’d have their teeny tiny families with those two, Hope and Jordan, and Octavia and Levitt.

33) This isn’t as much me pointing out a problem as me wondering, what was Clarke going to say to the Judge when she turned around? What else did she have to say or ask? Was it about Madi? Or maybe Lexa? Or just transcending in general?

34) It’s pretty shitty that some of our questions went unanswered due to the fact that there will be a prequel. On the other hand, I live for lore, so I’m just glad that they eventually will be answered. But still, that doesn’t excuse shitty writing.

35) I want to see a stupid edit of Picasso taking the test where the Judge is Madi.

I think we all know that season seven was really not what we wanted it to be. We’ve been really disappointed by the writers and unfortunately, this is what we got out of it. I believe they really could have done a better job, but I am at least glad that everyone ended up together.

The writing was lacking. Too many questions were left unanswered, I don’t care if you’re making a sequel or not. Plot holes. It really could have been a good season if it was done better.

My ranking of the seasons is as follows: 3, 2, 4, 1, 6, 5, 7. Seasons 4 and 1 are kind of interchangeable for me in spots three and four, as are 6 and 5 in the two spots behind them, whatever the order may be.

But I still love the show. I love the characters, their development, and many things about it. It has been quite the journey and I am glad to have been a fan of the show.

May we meet again.