#moreid one shot 11

[spritehouse]

ShortMC's Whumptober 2023 Scrapped Scenes (pt. 1)

(Shorter) Scenes, dialogue, etc. that didn't make it into a final draft

Putting these here because I might use some of my ideas in the future (+ I like using this color scheme) All word counts are for me because I like knowing

Please heed the trigger warnings before every section

The aftermath of I’m Getting Desperate (losing my mind):

Prompt: "Make it stop" (no. 3 Ralvez | 59 words | I originally planned to extend the story into parts of the aftermath/Luke's recovery from the events of the fic

Luke blinks, looking up from his lap at their fingers interlock.

“Real?” he whispers, eyes wide, wondering if this is another cruel joke his mind is playing on him.

“Real,” Spencer nods, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand, the gesture tugging at the corner of the older man’s mouth—the closest he gets to smiling these days. “I’m real, Luke; I’m here.”

Spencer having a panic attack (I don't have a title)

Prompt: Shaking (alt for no. 4) 142 words

⚠️TW: panic attack & self-harm (scratching)

He’s shaking.

Spencer’s hands won’t stop shaking, folding his fumbling fingers together in an attempt to quell the anxious electricity buzzing beneath his skin.

He can’t breathe, gasping and gulping for air, dry sobs shaking his shoulders.

It won’t stop. He needs it to stop.

 It won’t stop.

He waves his hands, shaking them out, hoping to release some of the energy bubbling, burning through his body, digging his nails into his forearms and dragging them through his skin when that doesn’t work.

Deleted scene from The Sky is Overcast (I’m sorry):

Prompts: "You're a liar" (no. 9) + "You said you'd never leave" (no. 10) + Goodbye Note Ralvez | 46 words | Luke was originally going to give Spencer the note & imply that there would be another one if he died while he was gone.

“This–” Luke holds up an envelope, his partner’s name written on the front.

“Luke, no–”

“–this is for you, cariño.”

“–Luke, please don’t do this–”

“There’s another one, in case I–” He swallows, finally making eye contact with Spencer. “You’ll get it if the time comes–”

A single scrapped line from Wide Awake, Spiraling:

Prompts: Captivity (no. 11) + Insomnia (no. 12) Ralvez | 25 words | In which I actually use the word from one of the prompts instead of making them implied

⚠️TW: vaguely referenced (past) unhealthy relationship

He’s her captive, still trapped by a cage of claws around his memories, even if he isn’t still in her grasp; there’s no escaping her.

Scrapped Scenes from I Can’t Hide From You (like I hide from myself):

Prompts: Infection (no. 13) + "Just hold on" (no. 14) + "I'm fine" (no. 15) Ralvez | 101 words | One line where Emily & Luke worry + Spencer telling Penelope to call Luke

Emily glances at Luke when Spencer isn’t looking, eyes filled with worry, and the younger agent responds with a nod, exchanging an unspoken “I’ll take care of it.”

“Reid? Boy wonder? Can you hear me? What’s going on?”

“Pen... I need... need Luke…”

“Oh my god, Spencer– What’s going on? Are you hurt?”

“I don’t... don’t feel too good.”

“Okay. Okay. Okay! I’m calling Luke right now and getting an ambulance to your location, 187. just hang on.”

“M’kay…”

“Garcia? What’s–”

“Luke, Spencer’s on the line and he says he isn’t feeling well.”

“Cariño? Spence, can you hear me?”

“Mhm... here…”

Spencer gets shot.

Prompts: "I don't feel so good"/Infection (no. 13) + "Just hold on" (no. 14) + Makeshift Bandages (no.15) Moreid | 324 words | Spencer gets shot (again) & EMTs can't get to his location quick enough

The average speed of a bullet fired from a typical muzzle is approximately 2,700 feet per second.

“Reid?”

That’s 900 yards per second; a bullet fired from 25 yards away will hit its target in about 0.03 seconds.

“REID!”

The average human reaction time to visual stimuli is around 0.25 seconds.

“SPENCER!”

He will be 0.22 seconds too late.

“REID!”

Derek fires once, twice before the younger agent hits the ground, head hitting something with a sickening crack.

“Spencer!”

He doesn’t waste time on the unsub, one of his bullets hitting him square in the forehead, rushing to Spencer’s side instead.

“Come on, Pretty Boy. Look at me,” Derek kneels beside the younger brunette, hand instinctively moving to the wound on the back of his head, blood soaking Spencer’s hair and more seeping through his shirt. “Look at me, Pretty Boy. Show me those beautiful eyes.”

Spencer’s eyelids flutter, heal lolling to the side with a soft groan.

“Derek?”

“Right here, kid. Look at me.”

The younger agent pries his eyes open, gaze hazy and unfocused, finding Derek.

“There you are, Spence. Keep looking at me.”

“‘M bleeding...” He murmurs, eyelids drooping as shaking fingers weakly find the wound in his side. “Gotta stop the bleeding...”

“Yeah, got it, Pretty Boy.” Derek nods, forcing himself to focus, assessing as if he’s holding some stranger, not his best friend, before taking off his jacket and pressing it against the injury, drawing a sharp inhale from the younger brunette.

“It takes three to five minutes to bleed out from a gunshot wound... a person can lose up to 40% of their blood volume without dying, which is about 2 liters of blood–”

Derek wants to cut him off, tell him that isn’t going to happen, that he isn’t going to die, but talking means he’s still awake, that genius brain still calculating, crunching the numbers, gears turning, and alive, so he doesn’t.

Scrapped Scenes from Please Hurry, Leave Me (I can’t breathe):

Prompts: Drugging (alt for no. 16) + Touch Aversion (no. 17) + Tortured for Information (no. 18) Ralvez | 113 words | Luke trying to talk to Spencer/help him after Hankel

“Spencer, I understand you’ve been through something traumatic–”

“Stop! Stop talking to me like I’m a victim!”

Luke sighs, lowering his hands and leaning back in his chair.

“Okay.”

The younger brunette watches him for a beat, waiting for his boyfriend to speak.

“Okay..?”

“Okay, we’re going to sit here until you’re ready to talk because we’re not going home until you let me help you.”

Spencer frowns, fumbling with the cuffs of his sleeves

+

“Spencer, I understand you’ve been through something traumatic–”

“Stop! Stop talking to me like I’m a victim!”

You are, Luke wants to argue, but he knows better, he knows that it’ll only make Spencer close himself off more.

Total Word Count (only this post): 810

Check out my complete Whumptober 2023 Masterlist here!

[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 11 - "hold on to that"

Season 11, episode 16 "Derek" (the one where Derek is abducted and tortured, and stays in a coma for 3 days - but we're gonna pretend it was a little longer than that ;)

Of course in the show Morgan wakes up to a pregnant Savannah and asks her to marry him, oof

This is fluffy. I usually can't STAND cheesy fluff with other ships, but this is what these two do to me,,, smh

Note: this is OBVIOUSLY medically inaccurate. Waking up from a 7-day coma and immediately talk/hug/smooch would be quite the challenge

Read it on AO3

-------------

It was a gloomy, rainy late-afternoon. Reid had been sitting on that crappy, plastic chair for the past 3 hours and 11 minutes: he arrived at the hospital half an hour before the consented visiting hour - at 2:30 pm - during which he stood outside staring at the entrance with his umbrella in hand, under the pouring rain.

That had been his routine for the last 7 days: going to work to do some desk job - Hotch had made it possible for the team to not be busy in any new cases for a week after Derek's...incident - and coming to the hospital as soon as he got out, which, most of the times, was too late. Still, he persevered to quickly pass by every single day, regardless of the time, even if it was just to ask the nurse or Derek's doctor how he was doing. And the answer he received was always the same, along the lines of: he's stable, there's not really much way of accurately knowing when he'll wake up, but it could be approximately within a couple of weeks at worst. At worst. Like even just one, single day wouldn't be bad already.

In all of this, sleeping was obviously not involved. Only a couple of nights Spencer had managed to fall asleep, but he'd been woken up after 3 or 4 hours by the same nightmare: the doctor telling him that Derek was cerebrally dead.

It was more often during work, or during his endless hours of sitting in Derek's room, that he'd unconsciously fallen asleep, interrupted a few minutes later by a concerned JJ or Hotch, or by the fictitious sensation that Derek had finally woken up.

And that afternoon specifically, the weather wasn't contributing to making the sleep deprivation + almost complete loss of hope situation any better.

He hadn't really spoken to anyone on the team about what was going on inside his head, even though JJ and Penelope had tried several times to make him spill it out, and had eventually given up. Let alone his mom - to whom he was used to write letters, telling her all those things he couldn't bring himself to tell the others - who didn't even know what had happened to Derek in the first place.

He shut down like he always did in situations like this, partly because if he started opening up to someone about how he was feeling, he would irredeemably fall apart, like a small breach in the tarmac that one day, out of nowhere, could cause it to completely tear in half; partly because letting other people know what he was feeling would make them in some way witnesses of things and concerns and scenarios that, until that point, had only existed in his mind, making everything "real". As if what had happened to Derek wasn't real already.

Almost every day, at a certain point, some other member of the team would join Reid at the hospital, mostly to check on him rather than on Morgan. Penelope would even talk to Derek, since the doctor had told them that he probably could hear them. Spencer had tried to do that the first couple of days, when he was still hopeful and trusting of "the process" and all that motivational, optimistic and quite questionable stuff that Penelope had fed them with all these years, everytime something bad happened.

But then he gave up. He didn't even know what to say to him: did it make any sense to ramble about his day, when there wasn't Morgan around to make it interesting? To make it worth living? No, it didn't, Reid answered to himself, trying not to give in to such cheesy thoughts, constantly failing and starting to cry over Derek's bedsheets.

-

But it was 5:41 pm, and nobody had showed up yet. Reid didn't even know whether he'd hoped for that to happen or not. It didn't make that much of a difference to him, looking at Morgan's unconscious body alone or with someone, except for the fact that in the first case he didn't have to worry about the embarrassment of bursting out crying and the other person trying to comfort him.

Spencer finally shifted his eyes away from the wall in front of him, and lifted his chair up to place it even closer to the bed. He stared at Derek for a while and gulped, trying to rehydrate his desert-like dry mouth.

"Just wake up." he simply whispered, like it was an order.

He sighed as his eyes started to fill up with tears - again. If he didn't know the physiological process behind the act of crying, he would wonder - like a kid would probably do - how someone's eyes could produce so many tears in such a short time period, multiple times, without running out of them.

"Wake up for me." he pleaded once again.

Spencer reached out for his hand, holding it tight, like if he squeezed it as hard as he could maybe he would trigger in it the muscular response of squeezing back. He didn't really believe that, of course, but he had been struggling to spot the difference between what was real and what wasn't, probably because of the sleep deprivation.

Feeling the coldness in Derek's hand made him let out a sudden cry he didn't know he'd been holding inside his lungs, screwing his eyes close until the first tear wetted his cheek and gave in to dropping his forehead heavily on the mattress.

At some point, Reid shot up from his seat abruptly, making the legs of the chair screech against the floor, and stormed out of the room, without even bothering to close the door.

He quickly headed to the restroom down the hallway, struggling to even walk straight because of the dizziness the combination of getting up so fast and the blinding light of the neon lamps was causing him.

-

"...Spencer?" he thought he heard a male's voice from behind, not able to identify exactly whom it belonged to. He didn't turn around, guessing that it was probably the umpteenth hallucination of Derek's voice calling out his name. He couldn't afford to believe that again. He would fall apart altogether.

He got in the bathroom and made his way to the first stall available, locking himself in.

Spencer stood there, leaning with his back against the door, and started sobbing like a kid. He tried to make less noise possible, even though he had noticed no one was there as soon as he got in. But most of all he didn't really care anyway, at that point.

-

After a couple of minutes, he heard the door of the bathroom open, but no steps followed that noise. He immediately tried to pull himself together, wiping off the tears from his face with shaky hands and taking deep breaths.

The unknown man started to walk exactly toward his stall. By the sound the soles of his shoes made on the floor ceramic tiles and the rhythm of his pace, it finally came to Spencer's mind who said man was, figuring he must have also been the one calling his name in the hallway a few minutes before.

Spencer turned around and looked down, seeing the man's feet from the gap between the floor and the door. As he had imagined, he saw a pair of Blundstones, black, worn out and still slightly wet from the pouring rain outside: they were Rossi's.

"Come on, Spencer. I know you're in there." David said softly through the closed door, breaking such cold silence and giving Spencer the final clue that, as a matter of fact, he had guessed correctly.

Spencer turned around with a sigh, closing his eyes and placing a hand on the doorknob but waiting a few seconds before coming out. As if a few seconds were enough to prepare himself for the kind of talk he was well aware was expecting him. Specifically Rossi's type of talk who, as the older member of the team, was kind of a father figure to all of them - besides from Hotch, to whom he was a best friend and an older brother at the same time. To Spencer, Rossi had in some way replaced Gideon, even if not completely - evidence of that was in his reaction to the latter's death, a year and a half before - and Gideon, in turn, had in many ways replaced Reid's actual dad.

So, the "Rossi talk" wasn't that much different from a dad talk; even though, much to his defeat, Reid had to admit he didn't actually know what a dad talk sounded like.

-

Spencer finally came out and saw him, a cup of coffee in his hand and an expression of deep concern on his face.

He immediately looked down at his feet, putting his hands in the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie - which, by the way, wasn't actually HIS hoodie. It was Derek's. And that was the first thing Rossi noticed, since in 9 years that he'd known Spencer, he'd never seen him wearing a hoodie - and Rossi's memory was notoriously matchless. If one doesn't count Reid's memory, that is - of course. There was another thing that he noticed, about the hoodie: there were a couple of drops of something wet on it, clearly standing out on the light grey fabric. Tears, he figured - although to be fair he could've guessed Reid had been crying just by the swelling and flush of his eyes.

David affectionately put a hand on Spencer's cheek, interrupting the silence.

"Son," he sighed "You know he IS gonna wake up, eventually, right? You must know that." he paused, receiving no answer from Spencer, verbal or physical what so ever. "The doctor said he will wake up. You're too smart a kid not to understand that that's what you need to hold on to." he added.

Spencer raised his eyes to finally look back at him, trying not to get too affected by the worried and melancholic gaze the man was directing toward him.

"I-I'm trying-" he paused to clear his voice "-to hold on to that. But seeing him like that..." he gulped, feeling the lump building up in his throat again and his voice getting uncontrollably shaky. "Knowing that he is alive, but then I look at him and he seems-" he swallowed the word 'dead' before it could come out of his mouth. "...you know?"

"I know." Rossi replied. "But I also know that deep down you don't wanna give up, even if you feel like it." he gently patted on Spencer's cheek.

"You can't give up on Derek, kiddo." he concluded, making Spencer clench his jaw and his heart miss a beat when he mentioned Derek's name out loud.

"Yeah. I-I know that too." Spencer said, so low his voice barely came out steady, nodding like he was trying to convince himself of that more than he was trying to convince Rossi.

They stayed in silence for a while, Spencer still unable to look directly into the other man's pupils.

"Oh, by the way, this was supposed to be for you, but I guess it's disgustingly cold now..." Rossi said trying to lift up the mood a little bit, while handing him the coffee. There was no way of convincing Spencer that he needed to go home and get some sleep - not that he would've managed to, anyway - so David figured that, at that point, he might as well just help him stay up with caffeine, since that was Spencer's plan no matter what.

"Thanks..." Reid smiled shortly as he took the cup, trusting that Rossi would understand that he wasn't thanking him so much for the coffee, rather for his always pragmatical way of supporting him. Or everyone on the team, really.

"Let's head back now, shall we?" Rossi said checking his watch, implying that, maybe, staying in that cold and quite sad hospital restroom wasn't the best way of spending the last hour left of visiting time.

-

They got out and made their way back to Derek's room, through the empty hallway.

When they were 6 ft away, Spencer heard a voice coming from the room direction. Again, he thought he was dreaming of it.

But once he got only a couple feet from the door, he not only could hear the voice more clearly, recognizing it was the doctor's: he also noticed the door was now closed, recalling he did not close it.

"...am I going crazy or someone's talking in there?" Rossi asked from behind, frowning.

Spencer froze, staring at the door handle with goggly eyes and his mouth hanging open.

"Did- did you close the door?" he asked, without even turning around.

"What?- No, I never even got in in the first place." Rossi replied, quite confused by the question, wondering why it mattered.

Spencer finally opened the door.

-

He saw the doctor listening to Derek's breathing with his stethoscope, interrupting himself as soon as he heard the door opening.

"S-Spencer?" Derek mumbled with a hoarse voice, unable to see 100% clearly, partly because of the 7-day coma - of course - partly because the room was quite dark from the cloudy weather outside.

"Doctor Reid! Here you are." the doctor greeted, wearing a wide smile as he approached the two.

"He's stable and perfectly fine, as you can see. He woke up about 10 minutes ago and called me with the button..." he gesticulated, turning his head around to smile reassuringly at Derek "...since no one was here. We still have to periodically visit him and run some blood tests before determining when you can bring him home." the doctor paused, seeing that Spencer was frozen in spot and staring at Derek with an empty expression, while Rossi was the only one actually listening.

"...but we can discuss all this later, anytime. Now we're gonna leave them alone, right agent Rossi?" he concluded politely, patting his hand on Spencer's shoulder.

"Absolutely." David answered, with his phone already in hand to call Hotch, affectionately waving at Derek while the doctor held the door open.

-

The second the men shut the door behind them and left the other two alone, Spencer felt his eyes tingling again, his breath shaking; attempting to gather all his self control not to drop the coffee on the floor and run toward Derek to hug him.

Instead, he somewhat managed to almost composedly make his way to sit on the bed, beside him, putting the cup on the nightstand.

"Derek-" he called out his name, whispering, like he couldn't believe it was really him. Finally, he got to wrap his arms around the other man, who was still laying down on the bed; squeezing him so tight he could've broken his ribs and sobbing loudly against his neck.

Derek shut his eyes close, feeling his bottom lip slightly trembling and the tears run down his temples to sink into the pillow, as he held Spencer's head close to him with his fingers tied in his hair.

"I-I'm so sorry, kid- I'm so sorry" Derek whispered between sobs.

Spencer let go of - probably - their longest hug ever, wiping away the tears with his sleeve and cupping Derek's face in his hands.

"Don't. This was never you fault. I'm not mad at you." he comforted him, sniffling, while wiping Derek's his tears too, once again with "his" hoodie sleeve.

Spencer leaned closer again, this time to finally kiss him.

"W-wait" Derek stopped him a second after, when his lips were already brushing against Spencer's, having a hard time breathing properly in that position. He pulled himself up to sit, adjusting the pillow behind his back with a slight grimace of pain on his face.

"Better" he said, taking Spencer back in his arms, being able to finally kiss him the way he wanted to.

He put his hand behind his neck to get deeper, and as soon as he allowed his tongue to find its way into his warm, comforting mouth, he felt the slightly salty taste of Spencer's tears spreading into his.

Derek broke the kiss way before he'd wished to, due to his short breath - it took him a few minutes of inhaling and exhaling heavily against Spencer's damp lips to steady it out.

Once he'd managed to get a hold of his breathing, he leaned back on the pillow to take a better look at Spencer with heavy eyelids and a hand on his jaw, stroking his chin with his thumb.

Spencer stared back at him with big eyes and a silly smile on his face, for something like 3 full minutes, until Derek's voice finally breached through the homely silence of the room.

"Alright, you're looking at me like I fell from heaven. I just got out of a 7-day coma, this is not my best shape, just so you know" he said jokingly, while straightening up with his back.

Spencer giggled and looked down.

"Sorry. It's just- I feel like I'm dreaming..." he replied.

Derek's contagious smile gradually turned into a more serious expression. Now that his vision had cleared out, as the sky outside had, after the rain - "what a fucking cliché", he thought - he could see how exhausted his boyfriend was. His lips were dry - but that, he'd already noticed when his tongue had brushed past them - his hazel eyes had lost that "glow" they always had, not to mention the already dark circles around them had never been that dark, very much visible in comparison with the rest of his skin, paler than usual.

Derek leaned closer to him again, lifting Spencer's chin up with his finger.

"About that..." he sighed, his voice getting deeper. "...you haven't been sleeping much now, have you?" he asked, gently.

-

Reid's weakest spot was his sleeping pattern, so everytime he was going through a rough patch, that was the first thing that got messed up. Everyone on the team knew that, but Morgan in particular played a big role in it, willingly or not - even before they were a couple. Another symptom of Spencer not being well, that was maybe a little less obvious to the others, was a massive increase in his already above average consume of caffeine, instead of actual food.

As that, too, popped into Derek's mind, it seemed to him that Spencer's cheeks were almost imperceptibly more hollow, if it was even possible for someone to get visibly thinner in just a week - like he wasn't skinny enough already, as his mom always pointed out. 

Spencer gulped nervously, adjusting his hair - also messier than usual - behind his ears.

"H-how could I sleep?" he asked rhetorically, his smile fading away as he was having a hard time bearing with the sad look Derek was giving him.

Derek didn't answer: there was no way he - or anybody - could blame him for not being able to sleep. He wouldn't have managed to sleep either if the same thing that happened to him had happened to Spencer. God, he couldn't even THINK of such a thing happening the other way around.

"Derek uhm- even though the doctor told me you were going to wake up, that- that's just not how I actually processed it." Spencer continued, now that his voice had got steadier and he'd found the courage to finally look him in the eyes, albeit with a frown.

"I knew that you would wake up eventually, not just because the doctor told us, but because I knew the physical damage you went through wasn't severe to the point- anyway, I knew that. Deep down." he explained further, trying to break down for Derek what he had gone through the past week, but ending up rambling like he always did either when his brain was working faster than his words could keep up, or - as in this case - when he was uncomfortable and upset.

"In spite of that, at some point my mind took for granted that you were dead." he added, pausing to catch his breath and lower his voice. "...so I started functioning as if you were dead. And to be honest it was one of the scariest things I've ever experienced." he concluded, trying with all his strength not to start crying again.

All those things that Spencer was saying, made Derek feel like his heart was being shattered with a hammer, and his stomach was being tied in a tight knot; a rising sensation akin to flat-out guilt. He rubbed his face with a palm, trying to wrap his mind around what Spencer must have gone through.

"I-I can't even begin to imagine what you had to go through, Spencer, but I'm here now and-" he shook his head vigorously, as if forcibly attempting to cut himself off mid-phrase, shutting his eyes. "this is- this is all my fault, I'm so, so sorry Spencer I don't know how to make it up to you I-"

"Nonono, no, that's not what I'm saying" Spencer interrupted him immediately, taking his hand - the one not bandaged - and entwining their fingers together securely. "That's the OPPOSITE of what I mean. I am the one who's sorry, f- for- for giving up on you so quickly... I didn't do it on purpose though, it's like a defense mechanism that my mind employs to numb itself, I- I lose hope to try and get closure, you know that's what I do- I just don't want you to think that I did that out of not-" Spencer blurted out, almost choking on that last bit. He shifted his eyes down, stroking the back of Derek's hand with his thumb as a way of calming himself.

"I- I didn't do it out of not loving you. Because I do- I love you. You know that- a- at least I hope you do." his chin was trembling visibly by the time he had concluded.

Derek stayed silent throughout Spencer's whole speech, not knowing how to phrase that he had absolutely no fault in all this, what so ever. In actuality, nobody did, beside the people who hurt him - who hurt all of them.

"I know." he finally answered, simply. "And you don't owe anybody any explanation. Especially me." Derek told him gently, his eyes watery. "and- and I love you, too. So much."

Spencer nodded, smiling lopsidedly.

-

After a moment of silence, enough to lift some of the weight resting heavily on their hearts, Derek spoke up again.

"You can keep the hoodie, by the way. There are probably more of my clothes in your closet than in mine." he said, smiling a little.

"Yeah, It's enormous for me though!" Spencer giggled, pulling at the fabric of the hoodie to show him how loose it hung on his skinny torso.

"...but it has your smell..." he added, shrugging timidly.

Derek grinned even wider and cocked his head. What the hell did he do to deserve such a precious human being?

He shifted closer to place soft, smiley pecks on his boyfriend's temple, and cheek, and chin.

"It looks real good on you" kiss "pretty boy" kiss "if you ask me" yet another kiss, as his fingers ran through Spencer's hair and caressed his nape, making him slightly ticklish.

"O-okay-" he answered, chuckling and wishing he didn't stop.

-

But they heard a knock on the door. Spencer gently pulled him away looking down at his watch: visiting hour would be over in 20 minutes - of course the others were coming. He turned his head around, looking at the door over his shoulder; still feeling his heart beating like crazy in his chest.

"Hey you guys, we're coming iiin!" JJ's joyful voice got louder as she slowly opened the door, followed by Penelope, Rossi, Hotch and Tara.

Now that they were all inside, greeting him cheerfully, Derek saw Penelope was holding a bunch of colorful balloons in her hand - not surprisingly, if he had to be honest. Nonetheless, they needed her exactly as she was.

"Look at my boys! So pretty and happy!!" she squealed, wearing the biggest smile ever and walking toward them with her arms spread open, ready to snuggle them both in one of her signature bone-crushing hugs.

Spencer turned his head again to face Derek briefly, before they could be squeezed into said hug.

They stared into each other's eyes, smiling like two kids.

[thisiscalmanditsdoctorreid]

No one asked but I just finished so here a my criminal minds opinions.

Favourite male character: it’s a tie between Spencer and Hotch. But I can’t choose because I’m letting my infatuation with Reid get in the way

Favourite female character: Emily Prentiss- badass,funny, compassionate- wine mom vibes and a bi-queen you cannot convince me otherwise. Tara comes up close second.

Character I aspire to be: Emily- see above

Character I relate to: Alex Blake- a linguist with complicated family situation- c’est moi

Character I want to be with: does it need saying? Reid. I never really saw this dom energy the internet seems to see (maybe only when he pretended) but I love that intelligent soft dork with hidden trauma nonetheless.

Favourite friendship: Garceid and Moreid. Don’t make me choose but I need a Morgan bff in my life to call me cute pet names and be my biggest supporter. Shoutout to Hotchdad supremacy- loved all his interactions with his children.

Favourite canon ship: I never really felt a romance edge to the show and enjoyed that. I guess Simmons and Kristy had a nice marriage- too many kids though.

Favourite non canon ship: I was disappointed nothing Garvez really materialised tbh. If I had to pick one

Ships I’m really not into: Romantic hotchreid and any ships with unsubs.

Character I liked the least (cus I don’t hate any of them really- except Linda Barnes): Kate or maybe Matt? I just didn’t feel like I connected them as much as all the other “new recruits” over the seasons.

Favourite episode: 4x03 minimal loss- my two faves centre stage.

Favourite season: I can only go by the season that has my most favourite eps (separate post) because I can’t choose. So… looks like season 9?

Favourite Reid era: seasons 7-11. It’s basic but god he was serving looks the whole time

Episode that made me cry: 11x18 - those goodbyes and that last look. I’m tearing up thinking about it.

Most memorable episode: the lesson with the puppets or the one with that unsub who took eyes. Creepy ones stick.

Favourite director: MGG- you can tell within two seconds it’s him. If it’s well shot and creepy you know you’re in for one of his gems.

[softhairedhotch]

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last updated: 27/03/24 [british date]

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↪ I'm a huge 'Aaron Hotchner deservers a boyfriend' truther so I'm here to give him one <3 Whether that be Derek Morgan, my own ocs, or male readers, he deserves a boyfriend!

↪ On that same note, I don't write fem reader - only male or gender neutral.

↪ Requests are open but there's no promises that I'll write for what you send. And if I do, then there's a chance it'll take a while. Please be patient!

aaron hotchner

GENERAL HEADCANONS/ASKS

cute aaron things, some reader insert (gn and male) ideas.

last updated: 24/11/23

SMUT HEADCANONS/ASKS

nsfw, 18+. reader inserts (gn and male) and general ideas.

last updated: 28/11/23

ONE-SHOTS/DRABBLES

includes reader inserts (gn and male) and hotchgan! some nsfw fics too, minors dni!

last updated: 11/01/24

RANDOM HOTCH THINGS

includes playlists, gifs, edits, screencaps!

last updated: 12/02/24

danny nyland

GENERAL HEADCANONS/ASKS

last updated: 06/02/22

SMUT HEADCANONS/ASKS

last updated: 06/02/22

GIFS:

danny nyland forehead kiss

other tgibs characters

ONE-SHOTS/DRABBLES:

a day with greg montgomery <3

RANDOM THINGS:

greg montgomery appreciation post

all my playlists about this man [aaron, greg, danny, tgibs]

tgibs hug from a movie

kiss from the protected wife!!

GIFS:

greg montgomery at his wedding

david mcmillan smoking

ships

last updated: 26/04/21

hotchreid moodboard

moreid moodboard

aaron hotchner x team ship date headcanons

other cm characters

RANDOM THINGS:

sad to happy derek morgan edit

GIFS:

first derek morgan scene <3

MY OCS:

last updated: 27/03/24

link to everything about james hurst!

link to everything about gabriel henderson!

[hxneyandespressx]

since we’re alone, you can show me your heart

summary: what happens when derek gets a nightmare? the only one who can calm him down is his pretty boy

pairing: spencer reid x derek morgan (moreid)

word count:  1.9k

content warnings: mentions of gun and shooting

a/n: set after criminal minds season 11 episode 11 entropy

☆。*。☆。

Spencer ran frantically around his dark and messy apartment, picking up the case files and Chinese takeout boxes that had piled up on his antique coffee table. Few peanut oil stains stuck onto the wooden top. The anxious man took the nearest napkin, hoping that it was clean, and tried his best to wipe off the oil stains. Seeing that they wouldn’t come off, Spencer exasperatedly dropped the napkin onto the table and rushed over to his kitchen, grabbing the necessary cleaning supplies. He got his bottle of white vinegar and water, a pair of yellow rubber gloves, and an old rag underneath the kitchen sink.

By the time Spencer was done, every room in his apartment was clean to his standard. Not a book out of place, no dust lingering in the air. Spencer felt both scared and excited about having his co-workers come over to his place. He never had them over until today. He felt scared if a game, like truth or dare, made him confess his true feelings about his boyfriend.

Derek and Spencer had worked with each other for a long time. As the years went by, experiencing the highs and lows of being FBI agents together, the two of them felt their hearts yearn for each other, but neither of them acted upon it. They were scared of the possibility of rejection, tarnishing their friendship. It was not until Derek decided to break the ice and asked out Spencer. The young man was delighted to have his crush ask him out. It was the one thing that went right in his life.

Three months in and either of them hasn’t said “I love you” yet. Either of them was scared to frighten off the other. Saying “I love you” was a big commitment. They were trying to take things slow, not to rush each other, even though they had known each other for a long time.

The gang was heading over to Spencer’s for a little sleepover to relax as they hadn’t received any new cases within the past 2 weeks. It was nice to have a break from all the traveling and dealing with unsubs; however, it does get boring doing paperwork and in-office consultations for hours.

Spencer’s phone pinged multiple times and a bunch of text notifications came.

Hotch: Sorry, can’t make it. I couldn’t find a babysitter for Jack and Jessica is busy at work tonight. Maybe next time.

Tara: going out on the town with the ladies!

Penelope: sorry spencer but jj tara and i are having a ladies night :(

JJ: sorry spence! perhaps next time!

Rossi: Sorry kid. Forgot to tell you that I’m driving up to Montauk to visit a buddy of mine.

Spencer sighed and felt defeated. Everyone bailed on him at the last minute. Everyone except for Derek. That was fine with Spencer, as this could be a date night for them. Just then, the doorbell rang, indicating someone had arrived. Having a small smile on his face, Spencer scurried to the front door and opened it. It revealed one handsome Derek Morgan, who was holding a large pizza in one hand and a small bouquet of flowers in the other.

“I saw in the group chat that everyone else bailed on this.” Derek said.

“Yeah but this could be a date night for us.” Spencer smiled at his little proposition. Derek smiled, showing off his brilliant pearly whites, as he entered the apartment.

The couple spent their night-in watching movies, eating pizza, and Spencer going off tangents on his passions. Whenever Spencer starts to rant about one of his passions, Derek just stared at his little genius and smiled at how happy his boyfriend was. And that continued all night long, Derek listening to Spencer talk about 19th-century British literature, coupled with watching random movies of various genres.

Nearing 1 am, the couple laid on the couch, with Spencer in Derek’s arms. The tv was playing Julie & Julia in the background. Spencer was half asleep and noticed that Derek was sleeping already. He gently wiggled out of Derek’s arms and stood up from the couch, scratching his scalp and messing up his already messy curly hair.

“Hey. Let’s go to bed.” Spencer softly said, patting his boyfriend’s shoulder. Derek woke up, feeling groggy. Spencer led the way to his room, holding Derek’s hand. They both flopped onto the bed and Derek wrapped an arm around Spencer’s waist. They were used to sharing a room together, even a bed due to mistakes occurring at the hotels they stayed at when they were on cases. Sleep washed over them as the golden dust of the Sandman worked its magic.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Standing across from Derek were Spencer and Cat Adams. The hitwoman had a gun pointed at one scared Spencer Reid. Internally, Derek was screaming. On the outside, he kept his cool and calm composure.

“Morgan, get out.” Spencer demanded.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Derek said, his voice shaking a little.

“Hm… I guess we’re back where we started. You and me with a gun.” Cat said without a care in the world, keeping the gun aimed at Spencer.

“Reid, it’s time.”

“No.”

“We don’t have a choice. We have to do it,” Derek said. Spencer kept shaking his head no. “We found your father.” the unsub stood there in shock for a few seconds, before rage set inside of her.

“You’re lying. I don’t like men who lie. You men are all the same.” Cat said as she gauged the trigger on her gun. She shot Spencer in the head and without hesitation, Derek started to shoot at the unsub. Derek ran over to Spencer and held his dying love in his arms. He tried to keep him alive until the paramedics came. The last words Derek said was “I love you” before his boy wonder went limp.

Derek woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He heard himself breathing heavily and felt anxious from the nightmare he just had. The frightened man groggily rubbed his eyes to get rid of the Sandman’s dust. Leaning his back against the headboard, Derek stared at the wall across from him, concentrating his eyes on one spot. He hoped that this technique would help him fall back asleep. Alas, he was shaken up from the nightmare.

The dazed man anxiously searched for his phone, wondering how much time has passed. Fumbling through the grey sheets and trying not to wake up Spencer, Derek found his phone, turning on the touchscreen, the blue screen lit up brightly. 3:20 am. Derek took a deep breath and sighed, leaning his head back onto the headboard and looked over to see his baby-faced boyfriend fast asleep. A soft smile appeared on Derek’s face, reminding him of his reality: Spencer being his angel.

Feeling restless, Derek pushed the comforter off of himself and quietly got off of the bed. He opened the bedroom door and went to the bathroom that was down the hall. His hands turned on the faucet and cupped together to gather the running water. Derek splashed cold water onto his face, making him more alert and awake. His eyes caught the sight of his face in the mirror. Smile lines decorated his face, which contrasted the dark circles forming underneath his eyes. Derek sighed and made his way towards the kitchen.

Derek has come over to Spencer’s place many times before, so much so he knows the way around like the back of his hand. With ease, his muscular hand grabbed a tall glass, with an accompanying coaster, in one of the cabinets above. He filled the glass with water from the faucet below. Loud gulps could be heard as Derek drank the water, cool and fresh like he had found an oasis. Just as Derek gently placed the glass on the coaster, his ears caught the shuffling feet of a tired Spencer.

“Derek?” Spencer tiredly said. “What are you doing up?”

“Just needed some water, that is all.” Derek said his half truth-half lie. The young man shrugged and went towards the refrigerator.

Unknowingly, Derek started to tap his fingers against the dark grey laminate countertop. Spencer caught the sound with his ears and turned to face his boyfriend.

“Derek? Are you okay?”

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Because you’re tapping your fingers across the countertop.” Spencer pointed out. When the tired genius mentioned the action, Derek immediately stopped, his eyes glancing at Spencer.

“We’re profilers, Derek. You can’t hide anything from me.” Spencer said, feeling concerned for his best friend. The mousy-haired man felt like a hypocrite after saying that to Derek. During the many years he worked with the handsome man in front of him, Spencer developed a crush on him. At first, it was just a silly little infatuation, but as time passed, it changed to being a crush. The young man was able to hide it well. That was until Derek reciprocated his feelings. That same crush turned into Spencer dating Derek. In these past few months, Spencer wanted to tell his angel of a boyfriend that he loved him, but he was scared that Derek would run away from him, just like everyone else in his life.

“Ha– you’re right, pretty Ricky,” Derek said in defeat, hanging his head low. Spencer came up behind Derek slowly, hesitant to show some affection to his probably scared boyfriend. He mustered up his own fears and gave Derek a hug from behind, and felt his boyfriend relaxing in his arms. The couple stood in silence for some time, savoring the unspoken quietness between them.

“Remember when you had to go in as bait for Cat Adams?” Derek asked, breaking the silence.

“Oh– yeah. Why are you asking?” Spencer responded, not getting the hint where the conversation was going.

“Two weeks since that case, I had these nightmares. I thought I could get through with it, but I can’t. My nightmare was about that. I dreamt that you were shot by Cat.” Derek explained.

“Derek…” Spencer felt shocked while his heart was breaking. He felt like he had to do something. But all he could do was sit and listen to his boyfriend get everything off his chest.

"I wish this is a nightmare that I could just wake up from... but it feels all real... and I hate every second of it. I felt like I was going to lose you when it actually happened,” Derek’s voice cracked a bit as tears pricked his deep brown eyes. “And I don’t want this to repeat. I wouldn’t forgive myself.”

“I won’t let it happen again,” Spencer quietly said, caresses Derek’s cheek. “We will make sure she stays in prison, alright?” Derek brought Spencer in for a long embrace. The mousy-haired man wrapped his arms around his athletic boyfriend’s waist as he placed his head in the crook of Derek’s neck. The soft warmth coming off of Derek comforted Spencer, clashing with her cold pale skin.

“I just uh…” Derek said tiredly.

“Yeah.” Spencer replied, smiling softly. He knew in his heart that Derek said “I love you” to him.

“You know?”

“I know.”

taglist: @homosexualyearning / @ssajelle / @iconicc / @sunlightgalaxy / @pumpkin-stars / @hotchgans / @pen3mily / @hotchsbabygirl / @gravelyhumerus / @morcias / @notsosmexy / @cherrychris​ / @hqtchner / @girlbossjareau / @pagetsimp / @a-writers-ramblings / @morceid

[okimargarvez]

Gif sets

GARVEZ

How we started ; Shades of garvez ; The someone ; Difference (12x17 / 15x4) ; Smiles ; Evolution of a relationship ; 10 things man does when he likes/loves/is in love with a woman ; Walls ; Lancelot and Guinevere ;  The way they look at each other ; Crime scene photos ;  Same distance ;  The best ; Weird parallelism ; Asking a date ; Garcia is always cold with Luke ; Luke typical face when he sees Penelope ;  Before you ; Meteorology ; Last words (garvez, shea, delquesne) ; Same attitude (Luke vs Walker) ;  Frame ; Men do not grow ; What they were ; Happiness is just a facade ; Why Luke is fucked ; Alvez ; Why Penelope is fucked ; You are the best (2) ; Work or personal life? ; Never realized ; Get out / come in ; Take back ;  Brick by brick ; The right one ; The way Luke listens PG ; Easier ; Slight chink ; Intimate ; Evrrything happens for a reason ; Series: Garvez + quotes ; Find someone ;  Garvez story ; Times ; Parallelism ;

They all know: Matt ; JJ 1- 2 ; Rossi ; Emily ; Tara ; Spencer ;

Garvez & flowers : Part 1 ; part 2 ; part 3 ; part 4 ; part 5 ; part 6 ; part 7 ; part 8 ;

Garvez & Shea : Love is not perfection ; Ways to say I love you without saying I love you ; Just married

THE GOOD DOCTOR 

Until I met Lea ; Jordan & Danny ;

Garvez & Calleigh x Eric : Different blonde, same attitude ; Garvez / Calleigh-Eric ; Eric vs Luke

GENERIC

I’m pregnant ; 

CRIMINAL MINDS 

ALL BAU love interests; CM first apparition ; Favorite CM ships ; Heroes ; Goodbye ; Sergio & Roxy ; Pain is an universal language ; Wheels up ; First and last episode together ; Zugzwang ; Sweet dogs ; The glue ; Double date or disaster dinner ; The Bunker ;  The Fantastic Three ; Friendship ; We’re family ; Saturday ; Little profilers in training ; So much love ; If she makes you smile ; Definition of family ; Dangerous ; Don’t change (Hotch-Garcia)

Who are you? Penelope ; Spencer ; Emily ; Luke ; Rossi ; JJ ; Derek ; Hotch ; Tara

LUKE - Roxy ; Protective and caring Luke with BAU ladies ; I’m here (JJ / Penelope) ; Luke Alvez hugging people ; All Luke shades ; Luke Alvez, the profiler in training ; I belong here ; It’s a sundial ; Lone wolf ; Desk ; Behavioral Analyst ; - Luke dark shades: one ; two ; three ; four ; five ; six  -Favorite Luke scenes: 12x1 (1) ; 12x1 (2) ; 12x17 (1) ; 12x17 (2) ; 12x21 ; 13x7 (1) ; 13x7 (2) ; 14x6 (1) ; 14x6 (2) ; 14x6 (3) ; 14x6 (4) ; 14x6 (5) ; 14x6 (6) ; 14x6 (7) ; 15x5 (1) ; 15x5 (2) ; 15x5 (3) ; 15x5 (4) ; 15x5 (5) ; 15x5 (6) ; 15x5 (7) ; 15x5 (8) ; 15x5 (9) ; 15x5 (10) ; 15x5 (11) ; 15x5 (12) ; 16x4 (1) ;

PENELOPE & SPENCER - You really are afraid of the dark ; Brain challenge ; Fit test 1 Fit test 2 ; I’m crazy for cryptograms ; Penelope and Spencer hugging through the years ; Magia - Penelope: Garcia was shot? ;  All Penelope shades ; Nervous whistles ; Sam ; Living at the BAU ; Anything left ; Prison ; Beige ; Esther ; Hospital ; Garcia is a Latin surname ; Hugs ; Bat-cave ; Jealousy 2 ; Favorite emotional moment of S15 one - two - three - four - five ; Be soft ; Happiness is just a facade ; The love you take ; On the field ; Funeral Outfit ; - Spencer (with moreid hints): Sarcasm ; Two guns ; Coffee ; Why Reid always winning? ; Age ; Yale ; Music is math ; He has a point ; A mother knows ; E equals MC squarred ; Handshake ; Don’t judge a book ; Bulls ; Medico della peste ; Phantasmagorias ; Sweet goodbye 1 ; Inside the mind of a genius ; Prison ; Father

DEREK / morcia - Morcia / Garvez ; Work call (morcia vs garvez) ; Why I shipped morcia ; Gomez ; In love with a hero ; Smarter ; Rewrap, wrap, unwrap ; Let go ; Sweet goodbye 2 ; The genie and her lamp ; Latin girls are the best ;  Jealousy - Same attitude : On the field ; Remote control ;  Kind ;  

HOTCH - Hotch’s brother ; Smarty pants ; I work the case ; She makes him smile

EMILY & JJ - Willifer / Prendoza - JJ: Roslyn ; Marry me  - Emily: Take a decaf ; Prendoza one - two - three - four ; You are not alone

ROSSI - Breaking news ; Never again ; Papà Rossi ; Rain ; Rossi & Carolyn ;

[sunlightgaps]

rules: answer the questions and then tag 10+ other creators to answer the questions!

tagged/mentioned in post by @captainchilly​, @lgbtrogues​, and @saprentiss ! thank u guys sm, you guys are definitely some of my favorite content creators too <33

unsurprisingly mostly criminal minds themed but there will be other fandoms sprinkled in LMAO... i only just realized how little i dabbled in edit sets compared to scene sets this year... hm may need to rectify that next year

first creation and most recent creation of 2020: first set of 2020: this stanley uris appreciation set and most recent: gideon & rossi bullying derek & spencer

one of your favourite creations from 2020: this blue dbh connor set...... my first attempt at a color-blocked set and it turned out better than expected!

a creation you’re really proud of: this blue spencer reid set? for scenes where he’s moving, i had to color the background frame by frame which took a While™

a new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: will you guys hate me if i say it’s the pride gradient silenced style... i didn’t post them on my blog but i have like 11 gifs from different fandoms in the same style

your favourite colouring: hands down this thor: ragnarok set i made for @whiterubys (who also happens to be one of my fav creators <3) 

a creation that took you forever: this spiderman set that i made for my friend’s birthday! the footage hunting + the coloring killed me 😃

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: okay this is so embarrassing but it’s the “if i get shot do i get to keep the bullet” set 

a creation you think deserved more notes: okay this incorrect moreid quote gifset was a complete shitpost so i don’t mind at all that it didn’t get notes but it was kind of funny

a creation with a favorite scene/quote: you know what i’m plugging my “slightly altered” version of the season 2 deleted moreid scene,, that was a doozy imo 

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: criminal minds! i actually only made a few gifsets for other fandoms before october when i started getting really into cm LMAO anyway, here’s a “serious” scene set + my commentary that’s actually kind of funny (aka spencer has no self-preservation) 

a creation you made that breaks your heart: okay so this is a simple scene gifset of derek/spencer in amplification but the scene itself is so tragic </3

a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: the reddie/moreid parallel gifset... the concept is simple but just. the possibilities

a creation that was inspired by another one: can i put videos on here. here’s a joke vid of the bau + uncomfortable blinking music from only by nicki minaj but like. the original version was veggietales i feel like i’m digging a hole for myself

a favourite creation created by someone else: oh gosh there’s so many but recently, emily prentiss + she used to be mine by @heat-waveee, emily prentiss + evermore by @marvelfanlife, and the rainbow cm set by @ssaalexblake

some of your favourite content creators from the year: hmm rec’ing some artists @blinksinbewilderment, @lilliesthings, @cringesideblog, @gravelyhumerus, and also @bad-cm-art <3

and for good measure, another couple more creations of yours that you love: implied emily & spencer being each other’s beards, emily prentiss being the hottest person alive, spencer struggling in general, this video i edited with dad hotch & son spencer, emily & spencer relationship growth

tagging the people i mentioned above + anyone else who wants to do this!

[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 10 - "right now"

Season 11, episode 11 "Entropy" aka hands down one of the most beautiful episodes of the whole show Imho. (Idk I feel like this is such an iconic episode that you guys don't need me to remind you the plot but here we go: it's the one where Reid goes to dinner with Cat Adams, the most dangerous of the 4 hitmen targeting Garcia, pretending to be a husband who wants to get his wife killed. She figures that out and the team has to somewhat wing it. Specifically, she makes him confess that the reason he'd taken some time off work was because his mom was showing signs of Alzheimer's, and nobody on the team knew that. In the end Cat holds Reid at gunpoint so him and Morgan have to lie telling her that her father is right outside, in order to make her surrender)

SMUT! (= you can't read it here you have to follow the AO3 link. I know there's nothing wrong with posting nsfw stuff on Tumblr but still)

I really wanted to write some proper Moreid smut, I wanted it to be 1) hot, but also 2) loving, but also - most of all - 3) I ABSOLUTELY wanted to avoid it sounding like crappy cheap porn (I'm not saying I'm the best smut-writer out here!! Please! I'm acknowledging that writing sex scenes is very difficult). Note: the first dialogue between Reid and Cat isn't true to the show, if not for a couple of lines (cause it didn't make sense how it was in the show ? lmao)

I really hope you enjoy and confirm that I managed to fulfill these 3 goals, just remember it's my first smutty fic 👉👈... (I think I kinda did though?? *pat pat*) Update: I cheated. I basically re-wrote this months later so...if you still find it crappy, then I guess I have no excuse left :D

-------------

"Wait! Wait" Cat yelped, breathing nervously and sweating, to make Reid stop. He was walking her out of the restaurant in handcuffs, leading her into the van where her father was theoretically supposed to be; Morgan right behind them.

"Ok. I'm ready." she claimed. Reid started walking again, meeting Morgan's eyes, nodding at him with a slightly concerned expression.

Derek opened the back door of the van, clearly empty; the other silently helped her inside and made her sit, chaining her handcuffs to the bench before kneeling in front of her.

"You lied to me." she whispered, her face a few inches from Spencer's.

"But I didn't lie about looking for him." he said, as if feeling the need to justify himself.

"And you also didn't lie about your mom." she said, eyebrows raised and a smirk on her face. "I won." she added, with an emphasis that Spencer didn't quite understand.

"How so?" he frowned, afraid of the answer.

"Because I'll get out of here."

A mocking smile curved his lips. "Yeah. In 20 years, if you're lucky."

"And that's fine, you know why?" Cat waited a second, but didn't actually expect him to reply. "See, even if he has been a fucked up father, at least I will remember him, in 20 years. While you probably won't even remember your own mother." she concluded, staring straight into his eyes, a tear falling down her cheek.

Spencer didn't respond to that. His heart sank in his chest for a second, he gulped and quickly jumped off the van, striding away without even looking at the other man.

Derek hopped on the van and faced her, full of rage, clenching his jaw. Their noses 3 inches apart.

keep reading

[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 12 - "can't lose you"

Season 11, episode 18 "A beautiful disaster". This is straight up how I would've preferred the episode to go

I have to say some things! 1) This one was litterally the last good and easy idea I had, it's gonna be a while before I can find some more Moreid inspiration since now I'm at season 12...(and you know what that means *crying in the club*) 2) I kinda didn't wanna spoil anything until you actually READ it (like I want there to be "plot twists" and stuff), though if you have a good memory you've already spoiled it for yourself lmao

y'all I edited this at least 3 times over the past months and it still...kinda...sucks. Please keep your expectations meek *curls into a ball*

Read it on AO3

-------------

Derek furiously stormed out of Hotch's office, slamming the door behind him.

"Morgan!" he heard Aaron's voice calling his name from inside, mad that he had interrupted their argument in such a rude and disrespectful way.

-

It was the first of 3 days of Derek's suspension. However, that morning he'd been called in by Hotch to be given yet another bad news. Probably the worst news Morgan had ever received from him.

Since Strauss had passed away, the BAU had felt like they were somewhat off the hook, disciplinary measure-wise - but nobody had the guts to admit it out loud. On that specific occasion, though, Morgan had fucked up big time - there's just no other way to say it.

-

A few days before that, they were working on a case in Chicago's south side - Derek's hometown - where a "vigilante" had murdered 5 people among prostitutes, homeless and drug addicts, some of them barely 18 years old, by choking them. Clearly, that case really got under Derek's skin, so when the team had finally located the unsub, he snapped.

JJ and him had arrived first: it was dark and sketchy, hence she wanted to wait for the others, but Derek had vanished into the alleys before they'd even got a chance to actually SEE the guy.

Morgan had supposedly chased the unsub for a while, guided by just his dark shadow, until he lost him altogether. The unsub surprised him from behind a dumpster, making him accidentally drop his gun; so, obviously, the dynamic had quickly transitioned into a fist fight. Derek had got lucky enough that the rest of the team had found them and stopped the unsub before he could choke him with his forearm, against a brickwall.

-

So yeah: he had really screwed up big time. And even being the most comprehensive and tolerant chief that Mateo Cruz was, he couldn't close an eye on that one. So he suspended him for 3 days - basically, from the next case coming up.

But the suspension was nothing, NOTHING compared to what Hotch had just told him.

-

Derek was halfway to his own office, but heard the door of Hotch's office open again far behind him.

"Morgan!" Aaron's voice got louder as he reached him and grabbed his arm to stop him. Derek turned around.

"I-I'm sorry, Hotch- look. I'm not mad at you, I get it, this wasn't your fault." he sighed in resignation, shaking his head, seeing that Aaron's raging features had quieted down - probably because he immediately understood where Derek was going with that. He stayed silent for a while, wearing a lost expression.

"I just don't know how to tell him." he finally confessed, lowering his voice and directing his gaze toward Reid from afar, who was entering the bullpen through the glass doors along with JJ, right in that moment - which meant that luckily he'd heard none of that argument, at least. Not that that was of much comfort anyway, considering the news he was gonna receive in a few minutes.

"I know." Hotch said apologetically, patting a hand on Morgan's shoulder before heading back to his office. Seeing the growing anxiousness in him, and how much there was on his plate already, he decided to let him deal with that, figuring that scolding him for his previous behavior was only gonna add to it all.

-

JJ was chatting with Reid about something while walking past the sliding doors. Rather than talking with him, though, she was talking to him: he wasn't really listening that much, let alone participating.

Since the day Derek had made that mess, things hadn't been very good between him and Spencer - to use an euphemism. And everyone had noticed it. They had a big fight right after what happened; a second fight as soon as Derek had told him about the suspension, and - icing on the cake - they hadn't spent a single night together since then, staying at their own places: one might think it wasn't too bad, since after all only a week had passed, but considering that they ALWAYS went home together, it was...bad.

Being kind of everyone's counselor, Penelope almost always knew each and every side to the same story - not that the others wanted to, but she had such a persuasive way of making one spill whatever they had to spill. For said reason, she'd felt sure enough that she could reassure both Spencer and Derek that the situation of tension between them, that feeling of being lost and not knowing what to do, was just temporary.

Hence, Spencer came up with an idea to try and patch things up, an idea that had been wandering in his head for a while now, but he'd always wanted to wait for the "right" time. He figured that was the right time.

He raised his eyes from the floor and saw Hotch and Morgan, each heading back to their own offices. But Morgan got suspended, he thought, so the only reason why he would've had to be there was that Hotch had specifically asked him to. And there was no way on Earth that could be a good sign.

"...Spence?" JJ tried to catch his attention, seeing that he had stopped walking all of a sudden and was now looking up with a confused frown on his face. Receiving no answer, she shifted her eyes too, to see what could be so interesting that got him staring that intensely.

"Uhm- what is Derek doing here?" she asked, finally acknowledging the distraction.

"I don't know. I'm gonna go figure out though." he replied without shifting his eyes from Derek's office door, closing behind him.

"If...if you don't mind, I mean." he added politely once he'd regained awareness of his surroundings, now giving her puppy eyes.

"Come on now." she said rolling her eyes, wondering why he even doubted that she would let him go. "Go ahead! Do what you have to do." she nodded, affectionately patting her hand on Reid's shoulder.

-

Derek was in his office with the lights off, hunched over the desk to lean on his arms and, obviously, his back was facing the door.

"Hey, uhm...can I get in?" he heard Spencer's muffled voice from outside, knocking on the door.

Derek suddenly opened his eyes, feeling his breathing get heavier by the second; a sensation of unbearable coldness flowing inside his veins and freezing his blood.

Receiving no answer, Spencer chose not to get in yet, afraid to bother him.

"Der- I- I have to tell you something... Are you alright?" he kept talking to him through the door. His voice was so gentle, Morgan was dying inside at the idea of having to tear him apart with the things he had to tell him.

Derek kept ignoring him, so Spencer figured he'd just come in. He closed the door behind him and put his satchel on the floor, switching the light on.

"...What was that thing with Hotch about?" he asked nervously, fiddling with his hands.

Derek didn't move.

Spencer took a few, slow steps toward him, till he could finally see his face. He seemed... concerned, to say the least: his jaw clenched tight as if trying to contain the urge of throwing up, his eyes were open but glued to the floor; his whole body looked petrified, while on the other hand, his brain seemed to be working overload: it was almost as if he were keeping something from him - which he was, unbeknownst to Spencer so far.

"... Derek?" Spencer called him softly with an expression of deep worry, gently putting a hand on his shoulder.

Derek flinched at Spencer's touch, like his skin was so hypersensitive that even so much as a stroke of fingers through the cotton fabric of his henley was enough to bring him back to reality and finally face him, straightening up.

A part of Spencer was faintly relieved that he'd managed to awaken him, but the most part was utterly freaked out by his demeanor, bringing him to instantly take his hand off of him.

"Can I tell you something first?" Derek managed to finally speak up, his voice deep and slightly wavering, only adding to the discomfort possessing the man beside him.

Spencer nodded worriedly.

Derek sighed heavily, trying to find the right words to tell him what he had to tell him; his forehead was already glimmering with cold sweat. Problem was, there were no right words to announce something like that: he was expecting Spencer's reaction to be nothing short of sheer distraught regardless.

-

"Spencer, I- I'm leaving." he ultimately stated, getting to the point without mincing his words.

-

Derek had to leave. That was the terrible news Hotch had given him about 15 minutes before.

He had made sure Morgan understood that neither him or Cruz had had a say in that decision. He'd also made sure to remind him - but that, Morgan knew already - that the Board had been considering to transfer him for months, due to a series of reasons, and that mistake was just yet another excuse added to their list. Moreover, Hotch said that the Board had cared enough to specify that among those reasons, Derek being a risk to the stability of the Unit wasn't one of those. In reality, he was convinced at least as much as Morgan was, that that one had been the ONLY effective reason leading to his transfer: proof of such thesis was in the fact that, during all those months, the Board hadn't been sly enough to avoid hinting here and there that Derek had been, quote unquote, "more of a damage to the Unit than a valuable resource" for some time now.

-

The second those words left his mouth, Derek saw a painful scowl crinkle the space in between his boyfriend's eyebrows. The man was looking sternly into his eyes without blinking, although his visibly trembling breath was betraying that apparent composure.

"W-what do you mean?" Spencer asked after a few seconds of silence, during which he had tried to wrap his mind around that idea, even though he understood what that meant perfectly.

"Hotch said..." Derek paused, shifting his eyes to face the floor, unable to bear with the look Spencer was giving him any longer. "...he said that the Board have been thinking about transferring me to another unit since October. But that last...that last slip, gave them the final excuse."

"Transfer w-where ??"

"DC headquarters." Derek answered, aware that the fact that Washington DC was just an hour car ride from Quantico didn't make any difference. For that matter, it could've been 12 hours: how near or far wasn't the problem.

"Wasn't the suspension enough?" Spencer questioned further, incredulous.

Morgan merely shook his head.

"And you couldn't just say no??" the other added - quite naively on his part - raising is voice, which was getting a bit squeaky as it always did when he was mad.

Derek sighed, frowning. "No, kid, look-"

"Just- don't call me names right now, I wanna know WHY you didn't refuse ?? After all it's nothing but a damn job offer, no one can force you to quit if you don't want to!" Spencer interrupted him before he could even explain, as his sadness was morphing into pure anger.

"It's not a job offer, Spencer. It's- I don't know, it's like when years ago JJ left: Strauss forced her to." Derek explained as crystal-clear as he could, trying not to sound too annoyed by how straight up dumb Spencer was acting in that moment.

Reid stayed silent for a while, gaping and squinting his eyes at him, like he was trying to figure out something that Derek didn't want to confess.

"Is it because you want ? You want to leave?" he asked more calmly. That question only proved that he hadn't even physically heard what Derek had just told him.

"What the hell- are you even LISTENING to me?? Do you realize that what you're implying makes no sense? I don't want to leave, it's either this or being fired altogether, do you understand? I have NO say in this, I have no choice what so ever." he paused, letting out a quivering sigh.

"Fuck, Spencer." Derek concluded like that, with his arms spread open and an expression full of all the rage that he had tried to keep buried inside so far, because he knew he should've had to be prepared for such a reaction. It would be a lie to say that he hadn't tried, though.

Hearing someone scream at him like that always scared Spencer a little, he had to admit. But when Derek screamed at him, it was not only that: it was also painful, because it meant that he was the one hurt and scared in the first place. And, to Spencer, there was nothing scarier than the person who had always protected him and stayed strong for him turning into a scared person.

His eyes filled with tears of frustration, but he was determined to keep looking firmly into Derek's while spitting out to his face what he'd been holding inside since the beginning.

"You did have a choice, though." Reid started, gulping immediately after to try and steady his voice. "You said it yourself that you've known for months the Board were keeping an eye on you- and I KNOW they specifically have a problem with you for no apparent reason - there's no denying that. But exactly because of that, you should've been more careful. You chose to play rebel, untamed, indipendent like you always do when someone wrongs you, and I get that, I- I admire you for that to be quite honest, most of the times, but not this time. Because you know that your voice counts as much as zero to the Board, Derek- you have no power over them, none of us do- not even CRUZ or HOTCH for God's sake! And once again you chose to jeopardize your position, instead of stepping down and getting over your ego." he stopped for a second to quickly wipe off a tear that managed to escape his eye.

"And you knew this would affect me, too." he sniffled. "You KNEW that."

All those things Spencer said - partially right - left Derek speechless and with his heart shattered into a million pieces. Did it even make sense to apologize? To say a corny "I'm sorry"? What would that get him - or either of them?

So he just stood there, jerking his tingling eyes away from him because he couldn't keep up with that stare any longer.

-

Spencer's phone buzzed. He took it out of his pants pocket and read Garcia's text.

"New case! Briefing in 5 mins ;)" it said. If only she knew what Derek had just told him, he thought for a second.

"We-uhm...I have a case." Spencer said, his voice hoarse.

Derek clenched his jaw and ran a palm over his face, as the knot in his throat tightened tenfold: a case meant that they were gonna see each other again in 3 or 4 days at best. He hated the idea that they were splitting up like that, mad at one another.

Spencer had already picked up his bag and was about to open the door, when the other spoke up.

"W-wait, you said you had to tell me something...?"

Spencer sighed and took his hand off the doorknob, turning around. He hadn't forgotten about it - you can't put "Spencer Reid" and "forget" in the same phrase. He was hoping Derek had, though.

He stepped closer, searching for something in his jacket pocket. Without saying anything, he picked out a key and handed it to him.

Derek took it, looking into Spencer's eyes.

"Is- is this the key to your place?" he asked with his mouth hanging open, hesitant to wrap his mind around what Reid was implying with that gesture.

"I was planning on asking you...to move in with me." he shrugged, unable to keep the angry-and-outraged-tone thing going on because of the look he was giving him. "I thought it would bring us together but, look- I don't even know, at this point. I'm gonna let you choose what you wanna do with it." he concluded, resuming that unfazed attitude from earlier.

Derek wanted to wrap him tight in his arms and cry on his shoulder. He wanted to undo what he'd done and go back to how things were before. He wanted to run his fingers through his silky curls and tell him that he was sorry, sorry for letting the impulse of the moment overpower his rationality, and for not having thought of him when doing so; sorry for not having paid attention; sorry for having snapped at him a few minutes before; sorry for ruining everything: he wanted to say that corny "I'm sorry" despite having just decided against it. He wanted to crumble on the floor and hug his knees like a child, whispering a million "I love you"s while Spencer caressed his head, telling him that it was ok, that he had forgiven him. But it wasn't ok. Not anymore.

Morgan dismissed all those options, deciding instead to simply place a hand on his tear-dampened cheek; a hand that was shaking at the only concept of being rejected in a few seconds.

"Spencer...please." he murmured, unable to get a hold of the trembling of his bottom lip and the gradual blurring of his vision; symptoms of a raw cry he'd been keeping at bay for too long.

Spencer shook his head and slowly took Derek's wrist, pulling his hand away. He turned around and opened the door at last.

He froze in spot when Hotch appeared right in front of him, about to knock.

"I was right about to call you, we're all in the conference room already." he said to him with a slightly concerned look, seeing the upset expression on his face.

"I'm here now." Reid replied with an unsettling coldness, getting out of the room by quickly slipping through the gap between him and the door jamb.

Hotch stood there for a second, without actually entering the office, staring at Morgan with a look that said everything there was to say, needless to pronounce a syllable.

He sighed and walked away, heading back to the conference room.

-

- 7 days later, 12:30 am ca.

-

The team were on the jet, 30 minutes from Quantico, after a case in Phoenix, Arizona - long case, long flight. During which, Reid made sure that he was sitting alone.

He knew that Morgan had tried to call him, several times, and even left a message, but he just couldn't let himself get distracted while working on such a hard case.

Now that said case was over, though, there were no more valid excuses to keep ignoring him: he picked out the phone from his pocket and sighed, preparing himself for whatever Derek said in that voice message.

"Hey, look- I know you're ignoring me on purpose, and I get it, alright? But, just- call me back, please ?" there was a long pause, followed by a deep sigh. "I miss you, kid. Bye."

Spencer's heart broke in half. He didn't know what to do: he felt like he'd been too harsh on him but, at the same time, Derek had really messed up, and he wanted him to realize that he couldn't just bury the hatchet like nothing happened.

Another thing that was bothering Spencer was that he couldn't even tell the others. He was the only one that knew about Derek leaving, besides of course Derek himself and Hotch. For the past week he'd really had a hard time trying not to break and just blurt out everything, each time JJ had asked him what was troubling him so much and if he had made up with Derek; or, way worse, each time Garcia had called, admitting to him that she'd tried to reach out to them both, hoping at least one would spit it out. But, as much as he was still holding a hell of a grudge on him, Spencer could've never brought himself to be disrespectful to the point of telling everyone. Morgan had to do it, on his own terms, once they got back.

-

Spencer's flood of thoughts was interrupted by Hotch, approaching him - to be fair, he was quite surprised that he had decided to talk to him just then, 30 minutes from landing. He literally had hours of flight to do it.

"Can I sit here for a second?" he asked politely. Spencer nodded.

Aaron sat down, leaning closer to him with his hands crossed on the tray table.

"I don't want what I'm going to say to sound like a lecture, partly because it's not really my business and partly because you surely have already figured it out on your own." Hotch said straight up but quietly, aware of how Reid didn't like the others knowing about his personal stuff.

Spencer frowned, without saying anything yet, allowing him to continue with his speech to have actual proof that he was about to say what he guessed he was about to say.

"I need you to understand that the Board would've transferred Morgan anyway sooner or later, regardless of this specific mistake. They've been thinking that he isn't suit to stay in our Unit for a while now." he continued, looking straight into Reid's eyes to catch his reaction. It kinda was what Spencer had guessed he was gonna say.

"I-I know that. Point is, he should've been more careful anyway. Maybe at some point they would've given up...I-I don't know." Spencer answered ingenuously, toying with the buckle of his satchel resting on his lap.

"Yes, he should've been more careful. But no, they wouldn't have given up." the other man replied, getting to the point like he always did.

"All I'm saying is, try not to make things harder for him..." he paused. "...and for yourself." Hotch concluded, confident that he'd understand what he meant.

Spencer finally raised his chin, following the other man with his big eyes as he stood up and went back to sit where he was sitting before.

-

- an hour and a half later (2 am ca.)

-

Spencer walked up the stairs of the building - more accurately: dragged himself up the stairs - and got to the front door of his apartment. As he searched for the keys in his pockets, it came to his mind that he probably had to text Derek back, at that point. Even though it was 2 am, which meant he probably wouldn't have replied until morning, he felt like it was only fair to at least let him know that they were back in Quantico.

He opened the door, turning on the lampshade over the dresser, and dropped his jacket on a chair along with his heavy bag. He breathed out a slightly nervous sigh while staring pensively at the phone in his hand.

"Back home...sorry, long case. I'll call you in the morning ?" he pressed 'send' without thinking about it too much. Again: it was 2 am, he was too damn exhausted to stress over a text.

As soon as he put his phone back in his pants pocket, he heard a buzz, like another phone notification buzz, somewhere in the room. Spencer widened his eyes open like he suddenly had some sort of intuition.

He quickly picked his phone back out of the pocket and browsed through his contacts to make a call.

Spencer heard the unknown phone once again buzzing through the silence of the room, so he kept the call going to try and locate where the faint noise was coming from. Following it, he slowly made his way around the couch, which faced the window - not the front door.

-

He hung up the call and brought a hand to his mouth as a silly smile appeared on his face: Derek was lying down on the couch, sleeping. Of course he wasn't able to see him before.

He was wearing one of Spencer's huge, grandpa-like sweaters, which Spencer really only used when he was too lazy to do the whole button-down + tie + cardigan + jacket thing - almost never. He didn't wanna wake him up, aware that it was very late; on the other hand though, seeing him like that made him want to hug him so bad, and feel his warm touch, and the subtle smell of his skin, and hear his deep voice that made his insides flutter.

Spencer quietly sat on his heels on the carpet, and stared at him with heart eyes for a while.

He couldn't resist the urge, and decided that it wouldn't hurt anyone if he carefully reached his hand out to stroke the man's chin with his thumb, light as a butterfly.

-

Derek suddenly woke up, gasping.

"Spencer-" he softly called out his name; a faint hoarseness in his voice. "You scared me" he added with the widest smile. 

"I- I'm sorry, I couldn't just let you sleep." the other replied, smiling shyly before running his tongue in between his lips. 

"I tried to stay awake waiting for you..."

"Yeah, I figured" Spencer giggled.

They stared into each other's eyes for a while; Spencer's thumb inching a little upwards to brush on Derek's bottom lip - both of them pretended he'd done that unconsciously.

Suddenly, he averted eyes and took his hand off of him. His smile faded away, as if the fight they had a few days before had popped back to the forefront of his mind, coming from some place until then hidden.

Spencer gulped and tucked his hair behind his ears; one of many nervous tics of his. There were still a couple things he needed to get off his chest.

"Listen, uhm...I don't want you to beat yourself up too much over this like you're the only one to blame for it- I mean, I'm not talking about the Board, I know you're already aware that they've always had some...you know, doubts, about you, wha-what I mean is that I made some mistakes, too" Spencer finally said. He got back to looking at him and sighed. "I said some really stupid- and mean, things."

Derek stared at him with sad eyes, slightly shaking his head. "Kid-"

"Wait, I owe you an explanation, please." Spencer interrupted him immediately, with pleading eyes.

Morgan nodded, not without a moment of hesitation, though.

"When I said that thing about you having an inflated ego and-and I, basically I implied that you are selfish...that's so not true, because what you did that night was the opposite of selfish, and all these things that you do sometimes, putting yourself at risk...that's irresponsible, but not selfish." he paused, as if rethinking what he'd just rushedly said.

"You're NOT selfish. That's literally one of the most untrue, dumb things I could've said. But- but I was scared! You know? And that's what I do when I really care, I-I can't help it really, I ramble and say stupid thi-"

"Spencer." Derek stopped him right there, placing his warm hand on his jaw.

"I know. All of this, I know. But what it's done it's done, keeping on feeling bad about it and wondering if things could've gone differently it's just not gonna do us any good." he swallowed. "If-if anything, it's just gonna break us apart. And I can't think about that. We're gonna figure it out, you know..." he lowered his voice to almost a whisper, too afraid of the weight of what he was about to say.

He started running his fingers through Spencer's soft hair, a gesture that neither could quite explain how it worked like magic to calm down both of them - ok, NOT true. Of course Reid could explain why physical contact was notoriously soothing. What he couldn't explain, was why for him that applied only to Morgan's touch.

-

"I just can't lose you over this." Derek said at last, once the magic had worked.

Spencer's heart melted like when you hold a chocolate too long in your hand. Like Derek had held his heart too long in his warm hand.

"You're not gonna lose me. Not now, not ever." he hurried to reply, right a second before leaning closer, cupping his boyfriend's face and pressing their lips together.

Derek wrapped his arms securely around him, without bothering to sit up; the hand already entangled in his hair slid a few inches downward to massage the back of his soft neck. He let Spencer's tongue tenderly slip into his mouth, squeezing him tighter to get deeper but keeping it slow and intense. He wanted to take his time to savour his sweetness, that velvet-like way only that man's tongue had to melt into his mouth during the most lazy, chaste and gentle kisses as well as the messiest, hottest, most needy ones. He hadn't felt one of Spencer's kisses for so long that he just wished it could last for hours.

The other's sugar mouth started to slow down until that gum-mushing kiss was over altogether.

Much to Derek's relief, Spencer only parted his lips from his for a few seconds, in order to steady his breathing, and started sprinkling quick pecks on his mouth right after; one leading to another like cherries.

Derek couldn't bring himself to stop him.

"I...missed you...so fucking m'ch" he kissed back, "you and...your stupid kisses" another one, " 'nd I...love you."

After maybe 10 of those suffocating pecks - not enough, if he had to be honest - Derek pulled back slightly.

"Come here." he ordered, patting his hand on the cushion beneath him and shifting closer to the backrest of the couch to make space for the skinny man.

Spencer nodded immediately and stood up to quickly kick his shoes off and untie his tie. He laid down onto his side next to Derek, facing him to keep staring into his eyes.

They stayed like that for some minutes, relishing in the quiet. Spencer was so tired he inadvertently closed his eyes, at some point, still with a hand resting on Derek's temple.

"Can't believe you didn't notice this sweater is yours." Derek mocked, keeping his voice down to a whisper but well aware that the other was still awake.

Spencer giggled and shrugged briefly, without even bothering to open his eyes.

"I did, actually. It just looks better on you."

Derek snorted. "Doubt it, pretty boy."

They drifted to sleep a few moments later, into the comforting warmth of each other's bodies.

[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 8 - "how much"

Season 8, episode 18 "Restoration" (It's the one where the team is in Chicago and the unsub was one of the kids molested by Carl Buford, so Morgan is obviously really involved. At the end of the episode, after Derek finds out on the jet that Buford is dead - *yay*)

I have to say a couple things, since apparently if I don't write at least 20 lines of useless information before the actual fic, the Earth threatens to explode: 1) this is kinda obvious, but I always specify the episode and season so if you haven't watched that episode yet you probably shouldn't read the fic cause it may contain spoilers! 2) this is not obvious but highkey useless, I always imagine Reid having long hair (like season 4/5 or maybe a lil shorter), because FOR ME that's his best look (that's why you'll nearly always find expressions like "he tucked his hair behind his ear" even though for ex. in season 9 that wouldn't be possible lmao)

Update: goes unsaid that I partially re-wrote this as well as many others

Read it on AO3

-------------

"Yes. Uh uh. No I understand, thank you for keeping me posted. I appreciate that."

Silence, following that call. Everybody looking at Morgan, waiting for him to say something - anything really. The look on his face was indecipherable, a mix of relief and uncomfort, and wanting to cry or break something or preferably both.

"...Buford is dead."

That was all he said. Not when, not how.

He kept his look out of the window of the jet, like meeting his friends' eyes could trigger an emotional response way too overwhelming for any of them to handle in that moment.

They all stared at him without making a single sound, not knowing what they were supposed to say, what he was expecting to hear from them. Not even Reid: his eyes remained glued to him for a while, unable to get back to reading his book with that lump in his throat suffocating him.

-

As soon as they got off the jet, Morgan vanished. Everyone thought he'd probably quickly got to his office to pick up his stuff and head home, without talking to anyone. But when the rest of the team entered the bullpen through the glass doors, they saw him, not in his office, but sitting at Reid's desk; elbows on his knees and eyes stuck on the floor.

Reid stopped walking and stared for a while from afar, frozen, deciding what to do; while the others headed to their desks and offices silently, not even able to small talk after what Morgan had announced.

Spencer felt a light touch on his shoulder. He turned around.

"He needs you, Spence." JJ's soft voice spoke sense into him. "It only works with you."

That last statement left Spencer a bit confused, but he nodded anyway, replying with a sad but grateful smile as she walked away.

His friend's encouraging words and a few more minutes of waiting were enough for Spencer to finally gather the nerve of walking toward the man.

-

Once he'd approached his own desk, he stood still and carefully looked down at his boyfriend, hunched on himself; waiting for him to notice his presence. But Morgan didn't move a single finger.

"...I thought you ran home." he said, softly.

Derek finally tilted his chin up to face him, straightening a little in his seat: he wasn't crying, but he did look upset. Still: the crack in Spencer's heart couldn't but widen at the damaged look on his usually warm, handsome face.

"Yeah I thought of that, but I- I feel like I need to...talk. To you."

Few seconds of silence.

"You really don't have to talk to me about it if you don't want to..." Spencer pointed out a bit nervously.

Derek didn't answer. He just stood up from the chair with his hands in his leather jacket pockets, staring straight into the other's brown eyes, with a look that said: "Please". Spencer answered with a nod.

Except for Hotch and Rossi, both in the former's office, the rest of the team had quickly got home: it was 11:30 pm. As for the other employees, they simply didn't have such a crazy schedule, so the bureau was empty. However, Morgan didn't feel like talking there, so he headed toward his office, Reid following without questioning.

-

Derek closed the door behind him, not bothering about the blinds, nor turning the light on. He sat on the black leather couch in the corner of the room, looking down at the floor as his elbows dug further in the holes they'd already carved earlier in his thighs.

Spencer put his satchel on the floor and stood there, 5 ft from him, with his hands in the pockets of his jacket: he had a feeling it was going to be a few minutes before Derek could feel like talking. But that was ok. That was the point: being there, silently or not.

The complete but slightly discomforting quiet, the dim light pervading the room coming from the bullpen, but most of all the presence of Spencer that made him feel like he was allowed to finally let go, weren't helping Derek from trying not to burst out crying. He kept his eyes squeezed shut and face down in the attempt to avoid that.

He accidentally let out a sniffle that gave Spencer the final clue that he was, in fact, about to cry. He buried his face in his palm, failing to stop the tears from falling any longer: he got "caught", there was nothing left to hide, at that point.

Spencer gulped. Before that, he had admittedly failed to pick up on how uncomfortable his boyfriend must have felt and how serious that situation was. He just wished he had the power to hug him tight and put the outer world on a pause while Derek let himself crumble down into smithereens; and then whisper comforting words in his ear while he fixed him, piece by piece, bit by bit, until he was somewhat whole again.

"Derek..." he murmured, feeling like his knees were wobbling under his weight at the sight of him like...that.

Spencer finally sat down next to him on the couch, not too close neither touching him. He knew the odds of Derek reacting well to physical comfort right after he exposed himself crying were few. He ran the statistics in his mind. Plus, he knew him. So he just sat there.

-

"I don't know why I'm reacting like this to the death of the man who ruined my childhood." Derek finally managed to say, a bit coldly, still eyeing down at the floor.

"I should be happy or at least relieved. That's what you're probably thinking." he added, pulling himself together just enough to find the courage to face Spencer; a deeply concerned but attentive look on his face.

"I'm thinking that you shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling whatever you are feeling right now." he answered reasonably, and quite frankly Derek wasn't expecting it.

Receiving no answer, Spencer continued. "I think," he paused, clearing his voice "I think that there's no right or wrong way for you to feel about it, because..." he paused again, contemplating whether he should mention Buford's name or maybe it was better not to.

"...cause Buford was never just an unsub for you." He mentioned him anyway, but stopped right there, staying vague, without openly addressing the fact that Buford had in some way been a father figure for Derek, when he was a kid. He didn't know how Derek would react to that: if he'd agree and see what his point was; or accuse him of justifying Buford's actions, in a small percentage.

Morgan didn't retort. He knew what Reid meant, and that what he meant made sense; nonetheless he couldn't erase those feelings of guilt and frustration and sickness that were possessing him. He nodded briefly and got back to facing the ground.

Spencer thought that it was the right moment for him to finally touch him without the risk of him flinching back. So he gently put his hand on the back of Derek's neck, stroking it with his thumb and looking at him with sad eyes.

The second Derek felt the comfort of his soft touch, he felt like crying again, like he had pressed some kind of vulnerable button. He screwed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw, letting out a heavy breath accompanied by a faint whine that he'd been trying so hard to keep buried down in the pit of his lungs.

"He should've rot in prison. What I said to the press gave him a way out." he paused and faced the other way, looking at the empty bullpen through the blinds. "It's- it's like he got what he wanted from me for the millionth time." he concluded, his voice hoarse and shaky.

Spencer understood, from his choice of words - he got what he wanted from me - that he was comparing that to the specific act of the abuse. The way he said it and the change in his demeanor - usually strong, both physically and emotionally - made Spencer's heart ultimately shatter and its fragments fall down to his stomach; and his eyes tingle. But he couldn't let himself go like that - he had to suck it up and support him. That's what Derek needed him to do in that moment; that's what Derek was always ready to do for Spencer, so it was only fair that he at least tried.

Reid switched position from sitting on the couch to kneeling on the floor right in front of him, in between his legs, so that he couldn't avoid his gaze anymore. He cupped his face in his hands to make their eyes meet again.

"You know that's not true." he asserted, pausing to let him process such statement and wiping off with his thumb a tear that managed to escape from one of Derek's eyes.

"He stopped getting what he wanted from you the moment you got out of that block and started becoming the man you are now. Catching people like him."

"He doesn't have to spend the rest of his life in jail now, does he? I did him NOTHING but a favor. And I didn't even notice, just like when I was a kid." Derek instantly blurted out.

"Derek why are you being so naive right now??" Spencer asked, though he wasn't really expecting an answer. He saw the man in front of him imperceptibly flinch at his tone, so he took a deep breath and explained.

"Don't you understand that if you hadn't made that speech to the press, his true identity would've remained secret to everyone? He was counting on restoring his reputation by becoming someone else. You SAW that, Derek." Spencer paused once again to lower his voice further - he didn't wanna come off as aggressive, but he wanted so hard to make him see what his eyes weren't seeing; clouded by his own trauma doubling back to him like a punch in the guts.

"The only person you did NOT do a favor to with what you said, it's him." he concluded.

Derek knew he was right. But - despite him being the one always talking sense into everybody - when it came to the abuse he suffered as a kid there was a small, hidden part of him that just couldn't help but feel guilty and subdued and victimized all over again.

He gently took Spencer's hands, still cupping his face, and put them down, looking at the floor. He felt in some way sorry for him, wasting his time, trying to convince him of the falsity of things that were so deeply rooted in his mind that not even his purest and most unconditional demonstration of love and support could conceal. But he knew it wasn't Spencer's fault and that he in the first place didn't have that kind of demand.

Spencer was hurt, but swallowed the words before they could come out. He figured that gesture meant he had to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing more he could say to him, to make him feel any better.

-

"Is that how I won?" Derek mumbled after a while, his deep voice piercing through the thick silence.

Spencer frowned apprehensively. "What do you mean?"

"I- I won because he died ? Was his death the only possible way for me to find a crumb of...I don't even know, of- of peace ?" Derek explained, looking straight into his eyes again, searching in Spencer's caramel irises for those answers that he already knew but needed someone external to say out loud.

"You won the second you realized you were no longer scared of letting other people know about what he did to you." Spencer replied lucidly, with no hesitation what so ever. "The first time being when you told us, and the second when you told the press. And the third exactly 23 minutes ago, when you chose to wait for me to talk about it instead of going home and closing me out." He paused. "and I honestly don't know how you did any of that but-" he swallowed and waited a second for the courage to say it to arise in him. "but I'm so proud of you I- I don't think you realize how much I am."

Spencer's hand instinctively made its way back to the other's cheek, stroking it with his thumb; uncaring of how it had been rejected earlier.

"You won when you finally understood that you are worth healing." he concluded in an almost whisper; eyes becoming glossy at the slight changes in expression on Derek's face.

Spencer wanted to do more than just brush a digit on his cheek, he wanted to hug him but guessed it wouldn't be the smartest choice. So he just stayed like that, gazing into Derek's eyes, with the other hand resting on his own thigh while his knees started to get sore from being in that position for the past 10 minutes.

-

Derek was speechless. After a seemingly endless silence, he reached his hand out to gently tuck Spencer's hair behind his ear.

"I- I love you. And I don't think you realize how much I do." he finally murmured, with watery eyes, purposely half-quoting what the other had just said.

Spencer's heart melted when he felt his touch and those words coming out so genuinely and uncensored. He slightly tilted his head to lean into such warmth, putting his hand over his and kissing his palm without breaking eye contact.

Derek craned to inch closer and made Spencer do the same by pulling him slowly toward him, with his hand placed on the back of his neck. He closed his eyes and softly pushed his lips into his, finally allowing himself to fully seek comfort in his touch.

He shifted forward so that he was sitting on the very edge of the couch, to eliminate whatever inch of air was left between their bodies, letting Spencer's arms slide up his torso and end up wrapping tight around his waist underneath his leather jacket, left unzipped; as if he was afraid Derek would let him go and run away - which he would never do. He would never let him go.

Both his hands on Spencer's jaw, Derek could feel it unhooking, which he took as a silent permission to let his burning tongue find its way into his mouth, melting when it collided with his; sinking in the warmth of only his slim body in a way he didn't know he needed and didn't know he could.

Spencer shifted slightly to lower his head and let it rest on the other's shoulder, nuzzling his nose and lips against Derek's neck; while Derek soothingly ran his fingers through his curls, tilting his own head to lean into the shock of brunette hair.

Spencer slid a hand up front to place it on Derek's chest; slitting a narrow gap between their bodies as a sign to stop, being completely out of air.

They looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds; arms still tying them together even if not so breathlessly tight as a few seconds before.

"You scared me." Spencer's whispery words blowing warm air on Derek's skin.

"I know. I didn't mean to." he answered in a heavy sigh; Spencer's head cradled by the up-and-down movements of the other man's chest as he inhaled and exhaled deeply.

-

They stayed like that for a while, for as long as it took Spencer to start wondering what time it was. He gently let go of him - not that he got tired of it - and checked his watch: midnight.

"Wow. It's late." he stood up, helping himself by holding onto Derek's knees. As soon as he got back on his feet, his face wrinkled in a faint grimace of pain.

"Look what you did to me. I can't feel my legs anymore." he said jokingly, realizing only after a couple of seconds that that wasn't the usual context in which he used such phrase...would've been better if he hadn't let that slip out, he thought.

"Alright. My place? Is that enough to make it up to you or your legs?" Derek asked mockingly as he stood up too, finally showing him that smile of his that Spencer was starting to miss like oxygen in his lungs; confirming that his previous - stupid - comment had either gone unnoticed or hadn't bothered him that much after all.

Even though Spencer was definitely not one to like change, he clearly preferred staying at his boyfriend's place rather than his own. His house was more comfortable and obviously way less messy, but those were just a couple of superficial reasons, he himself couldn't quite put his finger on it - despite his profiling skills, which just gave him answers that didn't sound accurate enough in his heart.

After a few seconds of hesitation - not due to indecision, rather to the brief short-circuit his brain was put through when he saw Derek's blinding smile - he grinned back and nodded, picking up his bag while the other opened the door.

-

Right in the moment they got out of the room, they saw that Rossi had just exited the bullpen, heading to the elevator. God knows what kind of conversation had taken him so long with Hotch, still in his office and probably not even halfway with all the paperwork.

During those couple minutes Derek took to search for the office keys in his pockets and lock the door; Spencer stared at him, leaning with his shoulder on the wall, fiddling with the buckle of his leather satchel.

Derek put the keys back in his biker jacket pocket and raised his eyes to look at him.

"...What?" he asked, feeling his gaze on him.

"Nothing." Spencer answered shaking his head and dropping his eyes, standing straight again.

He tried not to smile, not only failing but moreover making Derek slightly smile too, even being yet clueless to what he was going to be told.

"I love you too."

[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 2 - "without even trying"

Season 5, episode 11 "Retaliation" (at the end of it, when Hotch goes to Morgan's office to talk to him)

I guess cute is the word to describe this one shot? (I hope so at least)

Also, I'm not a writer so Idk techniques and stuff, but to stay away from the "Reid is the troubled one so he gotta have the focus" cliché, I'm gonna alternate the points of view in my fics from Reid's to Morgan's. Idk if that's effective or, on the contrary, it confuses the reader. Let me know? If you want? Thanks! ❤️

Read it on AO3

-------------

Hotch had just got out of Morgan's office, after a conversation that took only 5 minutes but was definitely enough to leave Derek quite confused. But he was so tired he didn't wanna think about any of it for a while - him becoming head of the team temporarily because of Hotch's recent loss. 

He could relax now. He stretched on his chair and closed his eyes.

All of a sudden he heard footsteps approaching his office, breaching through that soothing silence. He could clearly recognize the sound Reid's - his boyfriend 's - shoes made, and the rhythm of his pace. He opened his eyes and sat up straight on his chair again.

-

"Pretty boy!" he greeted him with relief, smiling from ear to ear. If it had been anyone else coming in his office in that moment, it would have annoyed him. Even Penelope, to be fair - he loved her, but her always sparkling mood, sometimes, did not work for Derek, especially when he was tired. 

Spencer stood there without answering, hands in his pockets, trying to hide his smile at Derek's reaction.

"Come here" Morgan gestured with his fingers, while drawing his chair closer to the desk. Spencer followed the order and walked closer, putting his heavy satchel on the chair opposite from Derek instead of sitting down.

A few seconds of silence were more than enough for him to pick up that something was bothering him. And Derek knew that, but there was no reason to hide it. That's what Spencer did to him: he always put him in the condition of allowing himself to be authentic and vulnerable - probably, without even trying. 

Reid frowned. "You okay? Cause I saw Hotch getting out on my way here..."

"Yeah" was all that Morgan replied, followed by a few seconds of silence.

Spencer made his way around the desk and leaned on it with his back, crossing his arms on his chest. The space between the two was way smaller now, and Morgan felt the pressure to spit it out: it was all calculated, of course.

He sighed and looked up into Spencer's hazel - and tired - eyes.

"He came to tell me that he appreciates what I've been doing and that I exceeded everyone's expectations."

Spencer was now wearing an expression of confusion: he was struggling to pick up on how that could sound like something worthy of concern on Derek's part.

"...and?"

Derek sighed, again. "And, I don't know what to do with that. You know? He just said it like that. Was he implying that I should step down? Cause I can, I can do that for him, but he made it sound like it's up to me to decide, like he's not so sure in the first place." he explained, shaking his head.

Honestly, Spencer didn't quite get why he was being so paranoid - usually that was him. But on the other hand, he couldn't possibly know what he was going through: the pressure of having to fill Hotch's shoes, even if just temporarily. 

He reached his hand out to lightly touch Derek's, in the attempt to soothe down his nervous fidgeting with the edge of the wooden desk; without making it too obvious that he wanted to hold it tight. Not out of being afraid to be seen - it was late and nobody was really around anymore, plus they would just be holding hands - but because he didn't know how Derek would react.

-

"I don't know what you'll decide, neither if Hotch is gonna decide for you. What I do know, though, is-" Spencer interrupted himself, keeping his eyes on Derek's hand while playing with his fingers, and smiled a little.

"-what I know is that I'm actually very proud of you." he made sure to shift his look on Derek's face right after saying that, to try and decipher his reaction. 

Derek smiled in a way that made Spencer's heart melt, like he was satisfied with him saying what he felt out loud, instead of covering his actual feelings with statistics and facts that maybe worked universally, but did not really say anything about him or what he thought about things - about Derek.

He stood up from the chair and got closer to Spencer, combing his fingers through his hair.

"Kid, you know that what you think matters to me, right? Even if you look at me like I'm the most confident person in the room. When you speak your mind I care to listen. You know?"

Reid shot up from his half-sitting on the desk position, cupped Morgan's face in his hands and kissed him, out of nowhere, out of not being able to resist his gaze and words and that damn hand in his curls any longer. It actually happened more often that one would think, that Spencer was the one to kiss him first.

Derek got carried away - totally forgetting that the door was open - and pulled himself even closer to him, pushing him against the desk with his hips and breathing heavily against his soft lips. 

The kiss was getting real intense, their mouths melted together like they hadn't seen each other in months when, actually, they sticked around one another literally all day long - not only for work. 

Spencer got out of the kiss, craving for air. His hair slightly messy, just like his tie; his lips red.

Derek ran his hands from Spencer's hips up to his tiny waist, but without getting any closer than he already was, nor saying anything. The moment he did that, Spencer's chest was all racing again.

"Alright can we- can we get home?" Spencer stuttered embarrassed and quite visibly impatient, voice a little hoarse.

Derek nodded chuckling, leaning forward again to give Spencer a quick peck behind his ear, like he hadn't teased him enough already.

-

Reid picked up his leather bag from the chair - surprisingly remembering about it after that - while Morgan grabbed his jacket from the chair and they walked out of the office together.

"I have to admit that if you had to give Hotch his position back, I would kinda miss seeing you in shirt and jacket..." Reid said jokingly, avoiding to phrase it like: "you look hot in shirt and jacket and you're lucky I don't try to jump you all the time." But that's definitely what he meant. 

Derek chuckled. "Pretty boy, I would keep doing the whole jacket thing just for you, really, but I can't really kick doors open wearing that, can I?" he paused to increase the tension, smirking teasingly.

"I have reason to believe that you like that too, am I right?" he shot Spencer a look that made him blush and smile, even if he wasn't looking back at him. 

Silence. 

Spencer rolled his eyes. "...alright. 1-0 for you, I guess."

[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 15 - "my boy"

Season 12, episode 7 "Mirror image" (the one where a man with D.I.D. is drugged by Mr. Scratch and convinced that he is Tara's brother - Gabriel - who has actually been kidnapped by him. Specifically this fic begins right after the briefing on the case, the dialogues aren't true to the show but functional to the fic)

Reminder that in my fics based off of episodes from s. 11 ep. 18 on, I stick with Morgan leaving the bau which is canon in the show, BUT ofc Morgan and Reid are a couple and they live together at Reid's place because why not :)

SMUT! (= you can't read it here you have to follow the AO3 link. I know there's nothing wrong with posting nsfw stuff on Tumblr but still)

-------------

"First he stalked Hotch and Jack, now he's targeting me by hurting my brother." Tara reasoned, standing still, pausing to look in each and every pair of her colleague's eyes gathered around the conference room table.

"This was his plan all along: to bring us down one by one." she concluded, saying out loud exactly what everyone on the team had been thinking since the beginning, but couldn't bring themselves to admit.

"But we're not gonna let him." Rossi said reassuringly, looking convincing as always but, in actuality, not quite sure himself. Let's just say he wasn't willing to bet his ass on it.

"No, we're not. Come on guys, we have to work fast if we want to stop this son of a bitch." Prentiss added firmly, right before dialing a number on her phone and walking steadily out of the room to make a call.

-

Everyone moved quickly and started doing their part of the job right away; browsing through case files, giving Garcia hints to do her "magic", deeply loved cross-checking, connecting dots and putting pieces together on the transparent whiteboard.

Reid was trying to read a file that he'd been holding in his hand for 10 minutes, but his mind was elsewhere.

keep reading

[cyn-00]

Moreid one shot, 13 - "the person I come home to"

Season 12, episode 6 "Elliott's pond" (the one where it's officially announced that Hotch is not part of the BAU anymore because Mr. Scratch - aka Peter Lewis - is stalking him and Jack, so Emily’s gonna be the new head of the team)

Reminder that in my fics based off of episodes from s. 11 ep. 18 on, I stick with Morgan leaving the bau which is canon in the show, BUT ofc Morgan and Reid are a couple and they live together at Reid's place because why not :)

I MANAGED TO PUT THE “keep reading” THINGIE! Albeit 6 months after I first started writing fics... better late than never, right?

Read it on AO3

-------------

Morgan opened the door of Reid's - and his - place. It was around 10 pm, so he wasn't 100% sure that Spencer would be home yet. But the small light on the dresser of the living room was on.

"Kid?" he called him, not seeing him around, while dropping his heavy bag on the floor.

"Here." he heard his gentle voice, coming from the kitchen.

He entered the small kitchen, only lit by the soft, warm light coming from the living room, and the street lights outside. Spencer was sitting at the table, looking out of the window like he was lost in his own head - it happened quite often. It wasn't always a bad symptom, though.

He was holding an almost full bottle of beer in his hand, placed on the table, his shirt was slightly unbuttoned: Derek guessed he'd come home not long before him.

Spencer wasn't a huge alcohol fan: beer was his only "comfort drink" when his mind was running too fast and he needed to slow it down a little bit. So that was the clue that made Derek understand something was kinda...off.

-

"Hey" he greeted Reid gently, approaching him and sitting on the chair right beside him.

Even though he could - barely - see only his face and the sparkle of the lampposts outside reflected on the glass bottle, he didn't turn the light on: it bothered Spencer's eyes when he was tired.

He didn't greet him back, neither move.

"Everything alright?" Morgan asked.

Spencer sighed and finally shifted his eyes to look at the bottle in his hand, his thumb toying with the corner of the half-unglued label.

"I don't know. Lot of stuff happened." he answered vaguely and with the least number of words possible - which was quite the unusual event.

Derek reached his hand forward to tuck behind Spencer's ear a lock of hair that was covering his eye, in order to see his face better.

"I'm listening." he simply said.

Silence.

Spencer rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, closing his eyes like he had to funnel all of his concentration into choosing the right words.

"Hotch left."

-

Derek's heart sank deep into his chest. It was hard for Spencer to let go of the ones close to him - the team had had evidence of this many times over the years. In fact, to be fair, he was surprised that his only reaction to something like that was to casually grab a beer and sit in the dark. And Derek didn't feel quite sure that it was a good sign.

All of a sudden, he put 2 and 2 together.

"Let me guess..." Derek paused. "Peter Lewis?"

Spencer nodded, finally meeting his eyes for the first time since he came home.

"He's been stalking him and Jack for some time. So he decided it was best to go on Witness Protection." he explained further.

Derek nodded, remaining silent for a while to let Spencer feel free to get off his chest whatever he needed to, without interrupting his train of thought.

But Spencer never continued.

"...so...Rossi's the head of the team now?" he asked in the end, genuinely curious but at the same time almost certain he was right.

"No" Spencer shook his head, slightly smiling. "Emily is."

Derek's brows shot up in surprise. Knowing Emily, he wouldn't have expected her to take on such an important role - not that she didn't have the skills to do it, on the contrary, everyone thought very highly of her. Yes, she'd known the team for a long time and both Reid and JJ trusted her profoundly; but there was no denying that, in the past, everyone had seen her being kinda on and off the team, hesitant to stay in one place for long periods of time.

Morgan didn't blame her for it - not anymore: she was "wired" like that. It took him some time, but most of all it took getting over some grudges he used to hold on her, to understand this particular feature of her personality and be at peace with it. It was nothing personal.

-

Derek's faint smile faded away when he saw Spencer shifting his eyes to look outside again, taking a sip from his beer.

"Is- isn't it a good thing?" he asked apprehensively. There HAD to be something else: he was sure that Spencer was over the moon at the idea of Emily being head of their team. That couldn't be the problem.

Seeing that he wasn't about to answer any time soon, Derek inched closer to lean his elbows on his knees and placed his broad, warm hand on Spencer's leg, stroking his inner thigh with a thumb.

"Spencer. Look at me, please." he pleaded, his voice deep but gentle. He HATED seeing him like that. It made him go crazy.

Spencer finally looked straight into his eyes, like his touch had awakened him, and now he could hear him clearly.

"Tell me what's on your mind, kid." Derek subtly commanded, almost whispering at that point.

Spencer swallowed nervously, clenching his jaw.

"This job...it's continuously taking people away. And each time, it feels like...like it's taking away pieces of- of me... you know?" he paused, letting out a trembly sigh. "Elle, Gideon, Hotch, even Emily in some way... you"

Derek felt a lump in his throat. He didn't know what to answer. He couldn't guarantee that the job wouldn't take people away again - on the opposite, he could guarantee that it would. And he knew that Spencer knew it. There was nothing he could say that would make either of them less convinced of it.

-

He drew his chair as close as possible to Spencer's and took his hand, entwining his fingers with his. After a long, thoughtful silence, he spoke up.

"I can't promise you that the people around you won't keep coming and going. You know what happened with Elle, and I can't speak for Gideon, but I...I think I can safely say that Hotch wouldn't have left if it wasn't a matter of life or death...honestly after what happened with Haley I'm still surprised he didn't leave before. C'mon, he couldn't risk his son too." he gazed attentively at him. "But I think you know all this already."

Derek paused, leaning forward till their noses were 6 inches apart.

"As for me, I-" he sighed and shook his head: neither of them had the strength to fight about why Morgan had to leave anymore. "you know how things went for me but, kid..." Derek raised Spencer's chin with his index to make sure he was looking at him before going on to say what he wanted to say. "you are my family. And before you say what I know you wanna say: yes, there's my mom and my sisters but- I don't want you to think about it as blood. You are the person I come home to, and if you're not already here, I wait for you. I'm not going anywhere."

When Derek didn't receive an immediate answer, he thought he'd said something wrong, as though he had made him uncomfortable because maybe he didn't feel the same way. And, if that were the case, he couldn't blame him after all: it was STILL hard for Spencer to trust him fully, let alone considering him like family.

He had come to terms with the fact that it wasn't a symptom that Spencer didn't love him. On the contrary: Derek had understood years before, when they were still friends, that the reason why he hesitated to tell him some things, was because he was afraid of losing him - which was absolute nonsense, anyway.

-

He saw Spencer finally shifting in his seat, breaking those few seconds of complete stillness during which he didn't even blink.

He leaned closer to the edge of the chair and cupped Derek's face in his hands, sending shivers down his spine because one palm was freezing from holding the cold bottle of beer, while the other was now warm from keeping it squeezed into Derek's until just a second before.

Spencer pushed his lips softly against his, laying a single, slow kiss, realizing how much Derek had craved for it by how he immediately placed his hand on the back of his neck to draw him deeper. He didn't even know why Spencer had decided to bless him like that, out of the blue, but sure as hell he wasn't complaining.

Derek gasped into the kiss as soon as Spencer's wet and silky tongue slided into his dry mouth, spreading a faint but piercing taste of beer that made his cheeks slightly ache, akin to when you first bite into a too sour orange.

He gradually slowed down when he noticed that Spencer was struggling not to smile against his lips, and he was kissing nothing but his teeth.

"What?" Derek asked, laying one last peck at the corner of his boyfriend's mouth before pulling further to look at him; unable to avoid smiling back even though he didn't even know yet what the man was giggling about. He was so fucking pretty, Derek thought. As simple as that. Pretty.

Spencer rested his hand on Derek's bicep, stroking his smooth skin with his thumb from underneath the hem of his t-shirt. Derek secretly bit his bottom lip: he was more ticklish than one would think, in general, but God did he wish he had an answer for WHY Spencer's soft touch always did him dirty like that.

"I was- uhm..." he cleared his voice while simultaneously furrowing his eyebrows - as per usual. "My intent was to tell you the exact same thing as soon as you came home. It's- it's like you read my mind - even though, you know, I don't believe in these kind of things..." Spencer replied, stuttering in a timid way.

Derek felt his heart burst out of his chest. They'd been together for years, but hearing Spencer say things like that, made him feel like when he was a teenager acting awkward - and pathetically confident - with "chicks" every time. Crazy, he thought: it never happened with the other people he dated before, men or women.

"...yeah?" he asked, incredulous.

Spencer nodded before elaborating.

"You know, it was Rossi, he said something about our team, but actually it got me thinking about this...about us." he paused, swallowing. "he said: it's what happens when we're not on a case that has defined who we are. We stand beside one another, through good, through bad...because we're family" Spencer quoted David word for word - he didn't know any better - staring deep into Derek's eyes.

"It got me thinking that it doesn't matter if you're not on the team anymore, after all. It never mattered that much, to be honest- with you it's always been like, something more than just protecting each other from getting shot or...or kidnapped, I- I don't know how to explain it..." Spencer continued, getting stuck with his words so much that Derek had to try and hide his smile at how amusingly adorable he was.

"Well, for being a genius you gotta admit that it took you a hell of a long time to realize that we're 'something more', am I right?" Derek replied mockingly, air-quoting those two words. He always liked playing dumb, because Spencer's cute-annoyed reaction was priceless; however 9 times out of 10 he actually understood exactly what the other meant. It was just that he had this way of trying to give scientific-like explanations to things that maybe simply happen without us wanting to, or knowing how - namely: falling in love. "But love IS a 'scientific thing', Derek"; Morgan lost count of how many times he had replied to such comments with an eye-roll.

Spencer chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah, I know, but- you know, it just came to my mind that, if I think about it, it wasn't exclusively on the job that I...fell in love with you." he got more serious while saying that last bit.

Derek blushed a little - even though it was impossible for Spencer to see because of his dark complexion. Plus, SSA Derek Morgan NEVER blushed, so the thought didn't even cross Spencer's mind.

"So, let me get this straight," Derek started his teasing, looking at him with arched eyebrows and a mischievous grin "I spent years kicking down doors to impress you with muscles and stuff, and now you tell me giving you rides home or taking you to crappy diners after hard cases was what got you all adorable and flustered all along? That what you're telling me??" he asked mockingly. He loved to put him in difficult situations and see the tips of his ears flush. 

Spencer shook his head and chuckled. "Ok, ok, fine, MAYBE both."

-

Derek leaned back in his chair and stared outside, completely lost in a specific thought that popped into his head, as he mentally replayed those words.

"But the job made us meet." he said righteously, after a long-ish silence.

He slightly tilted his head and shifted his eyes to glimpse at Spencer's beer - that he had clearly forgotten about - as the cold condense coating the glass bottle melted down, dripping on the table in a small puddle.

"I can't think that we wouldn't even ever have met if it wasn't for this job." he added shaking his head in disbelief, lowering his voice like he was speaking to himself more than to Spencer.

The other raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"We wouldn't?" he asked ingenuously. Like he didn't know that two completely opposite people like them would've never met, in normal conditions. Not in a lifetime. Not even in a million years.

Derek laughed good-heartedly at him, face-palming. "We would? Where? At a chess tournament? Or maybe at a baseball game??" he said smirking.

Spencer tried to hide his smile, lightly kicking Derek's calf with his ankle and pretending to be offended.

"Don't make me smack you in front of all these people" Derek jokingly quoted himself with his finger pointed at him, trusting that Spencer would recall that "threat" from years and years before. Surprisingly, Derek remembered A LOT of those comments he was so used to tease him with when they were not together yet, because it was funny to him how he fooled around trying to hint that he was into Spencer, while the genius was COMPLETELY oblivious - he wasn't even pretending not to see it. He just, didn't see it.

Spencer looked at him with his mouth hanging open, impressed. "How-"

"You're not the only one who remembers stuff, you know?" Derek interrupted him immediately before he could ask him how he remembered it. He leaned forward and took Spencer's jaw in one hand to place a quick kiss on his lips, before standing up from the chair.

-

Derek checked his watch. "I'm starving. I'm gonna order some pizza." he stated, heading to the living room to get his phone that he had absent-mindedly left over the dresser.

He froze in spot right on the doorway and turned around, with a frown on his face.

"Wait, have you eaten?"

Spencer shook his head and bit the inside of his cheek, well aware that Derek was kind of a pain in the ass with that. It kinda bothered him, how at times he obsessively made sure he'd eaten - only when he was in an "off" period; though he couldn't say he was wrong: during those kind of periods, Spencer really forgot to eat, or simply couldn't bring himself to. Which was worrisome.

In the attempt to stop thinking about all that matter, he took another sip from his beer, not nearly as ice-cold as he had planned on drinking it, at that point.

Derek sighed heavily as he turned on his heels again, disappearing into the other room. A few seconds later he replied, raising his voice enough so that Spencer could hear him from the kitchen.

"If only your mom knew that I starve her boy. She wouldn't have no problem smacking me in front of a bunch of people, now would she?"

Spencer choked on a laugh, risking to spit out his beer.