#more just exasperated that this is still a problem in the fandom | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

one-flower-one-sword · 3 months ago

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There's a thing I've noticed that repeatedly crops up in the (English) fandom portrayal of hualian's relationship, where Xie Lian is shown as dismayed and put off by Hua Cheng's attitude towards other characters, oftentimes openly criticizing him and wanting him to "do better", to be more polite and/or to be more openly caring towards others. I found this at first perplexing and then increasingly upsetting, but I've debated for a long time if and how to post about it, because I don't want this to come across as a kind of call-out post or veiled personal attack.

So I hope people take this post as a genuine exploration of canon vs fanon hualian, and understand that I think it's something worth exploring because I feel that this particular fanon portrayal creates a problem in hualian's relationship that simply doesn't exist in canon - more than that even, it makes a problem out of one of the core strengths of their relationship.

I've mostly noticed this kind of portrayal pop up when it comes to the way Hua Cheng interacts with Mu Qing and Feng Xin, the Ghost City citizens, and Shi Qingxuan. I'll therefore focus on how Xie Lian reacts in these instances - since that's really the crux of the matter, that in fanon Xie Lian reacts negatively towards Hua Cheng in these instances - though I'll also use scenes with other characters when they become relevant.

This is when Hua Cheng, still in his San Lang disguise and knowing full well who "Fu Yao" and "Nan Feng" are, pointedly asks Xie Lian if they're his servants and throws a broom to Mu Qing to rile him up:

"Calm down. Calm down. I only have one broom -"

Before Xie Lian could finish his words, he was cut off by a burst of white energy that shot out from Fu Yao's hand as he bellowed, "Reveal yourself!!"

San Lang stayed where he was, arms still crossed in a relaxed posture, but he tilted his head just slightly as the beam of energy narrowly missed him and smashed one of the altar table's legs. The table collapsed with a loud crack and all the plates crashed onto the floor in a heap. Xie Lian rubbed his temple and thought this had to stop. With a wave of his hand, he released Ruoye and bound Nan Feng and Fu Yao's arms. Both men struggled but failed to break free.

"What are you doing?!" Nan Feng shouted. Xie Lian made a gesture for a time-out. "We'll talk outside. Outside." Then he waved his hand and Ruoye flew out, dragging the two in tow.

"I'll be right back," Xie Lian said to San Lang, then closed the door behind him.

Vol 1, page 216

Xie Lian does react exasperated and annoyed - but with Mu Qing and Feng Xin's attitude, not with Hua Cheng's. Keep in mind that he's already suspecting by this point that Hua Cheng is a Supreme, but he reprimands them for attacking "San Lang" just because they think he's odd:

"Nan Feng, that's where you're wrong. There are all kinds of people with various temperaments and mannerisms in the world; odd doesn't mean dangerous. [...]"

Vol 1, page 217

And impresses upon them repeatedly to be nice to "San Lang" and treat him well, then goes on to apologize to him for their rude behavior:

Nan Feng said in a low voice, "No. We still have to think of a way to test if he's a Supreme."

Xie Lian rubbed his forehead. "Go ahead and try, but don't go overboard. What if he really does turn out to be a runaway young noble? I get along pretty well with this kid, so be nice. Don't bully him."

The "don't bully him" made Nan Feng screw up his face, and Fu Yao's eyes rolled to the back of his head. Xie Lian nagged a bit more before reopening the door. San Lang was checking out the broken table leg, and Xie Lian cleared his throat to get his attention.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm alright," San Lang smiled. "Just checking to see if we can fix this table leg."

"Everything just now was a misunderstanding, please don't mind them," Xie Lian said warmly.

Vol 1, page 218

And it's not just that he defends "San Lang" from Mu Qing and Feng Xin's animosity and judgement - Xie Lian enjoys Hua Cheng's sharp wit and the way he wields it like a sword:

Fua Yao smiled without mirth. "This young master sure knows a lot."

San Lang smiled back. "It's nothing. You just don't know very much, that's all."

"..."

Xie Lian smiled in spite of himself, amused by San Lang’s sharp tongue.

Vol 1, page 221

This pattern continues throughout the entire novel so there are several other examples, but there's another scene I want to draw attention to. This is when they're at Mount Tonglu and Mu Qing is trying to mess with the statues despite being warned against it by Hua Cheng:

"I'm only trying to touch the stone now, not remove the veil. Why is Crimson Rain Sought Flower stopping me again?" Mu Qing questioned.

Hua Cheng shot him a fake-looking smile. "I'm preventing you from causing problems."

Xie Lian put himself between the two. "Stop, stop. It's not like we have to see which god is being worshipped here. We shouldn't stay here too long anyway, so let's just go. Don't forget that we still have a mission to accomplish."

Hua Cheng stared at Mu Qing's hand. "Since that's what gege wants, have him put his hand away and I'll let it go."

"Mu Qing, back off, all right?" Xie Lian said.

Mu Qing glared at him. "Are you nuts? Why shouldn't he back off first? What if I back off and he doesn't?"

Between a heavenly official and a ghost, Feng Xin naturally chose to stand on the side of the heavenly official. "At most, we'll accept both sides standing down at the same time."

Hua Cheng showed no signs of doing so. "You wish."

Seeing that neither side would give in, Xie Lian rested a hand on Mu Qing's arm. "Mu Qing, drop it," he urged gently. "You're the one who started this, so you should be the one to let it go. All right? Can you think of it as giving me some face? I swear that if you back off, San Lang will keep his promise."

Although Mu Qing was clearly reluctant, he held the stalemate for another moment, then slowly dropped his hand. They all returned to the road. Finally, the tension relaxed, and Xie Lian sighed in relief.

Vol 6, page 44-45

And then when Hua Cheng picks the path for them at the next fork in the road:

Feng Xin frowned. "How can you pick randomly? Let's not go blindly - we might tumble into another pit."

Hua Cheng smiled. "Even if we fall into a pit, I have ways to pull His Highness out. You can follow us if you'd like, or you can head off on your own if you'd prefer. To be honest, I'd rather not have to rescue you again."

"You-!"

That was just the way Hua Cheng spoke - even if he had a smile on his face and his words were perfectly polite, it always sounded fake. The faker his smile, the more his tone enraged people, so much that Feng Xin nooked an arrow on his bow.

Xie Lian knew that he wouldn't actually shoot. "Sorry about this, Feng Xin. But considering our current situation, it really makes no difference which way we go."

Hua Cheng laughed heartily. "Ooh, I'm scared. Looks like I'd better stay far away from you." He waggled his brows at Xie Lian and really did put some distance between them. Xie Lian knew he was just trying to leave the other two behind, and he smiled as he shook his head.

Vol 6, page 45-46

Several things can be gleaned from this. First of, this is happening before Xie Lian finds out who Hua Cheng really is and what the deal with the statues is. He doesn't know why Hua Cheng doesn't want them unveiled, but he still trusts his decision and his judgment over Mu Qing and Feng Xin's, and it's Mu Qing he asks to stand down, not Hua Cheng. Now you might be saying, well Mu Qing and Feng Xin were right about Hua Cheng being a Supreme Ghost King and they were right to be suspicious about the statues. But there's a second insight to be gained from this scene - Feng Xin doesn't side with Mu Qing because he thinks he's in the right, be sides with him because Mu Qing is a god and Hua Cheng is a ghost. Their animosity and constant suspicion towards Hua Cheng is based on what Hua Cheng is, based on prejudice. And Xie Lian knows this.

Lastly, Xie Lian's reaction in the above quote is, again, to back Hua Cheng up and then be amused by the way Hua Cheng pushes back against Mu Qing and Feng Xin's antagonistic behavior.

This continues all the way up to the end of the novel:

The group of heavenly officials didn't look like they wanted to sit; they probably had only stopped by to congratulate him and quickly show their faces. After delivering their gifts, they left in a hurry.

Xie Lian turned to Mu Qing. "Why did they leave in such a rush?"

"Do you even need to ask?" Mu Qing said.

"Well, yeah."

"Then why don't you ask your dear San Lang?" Mu Qing spat crankily.

When Hua Cheng came back, the first one to know was Xie Lian. Second to know were the gods of the Upper Court, who hadn't even warmed their seats yet in the new Heavenly Capital. On the day of the Shangyuan festival, they had worked so hard to put together a Battle of the Lanterns...which was abruptly obliterated by Hua Cheng's casual wave of three thousand lanterns, the same move he'd pulled at the Mid-Autumn Banquet. In addition, the heavenly bell had been tolling nonstop ever since that night. The entire Upper Court echoed with its ceaseless reverberating gongs, as if it were reminding them that the Nightmare of the Heavens had returned!

And right now, the Nightmare stood before them; no normal heavenly official would dare approach. However, they still wanted to get in Xie Lian's good graces so they could beg Hua Cheng to show them some mercy in the future. After all, the gossip about the relationship between Hua Cheng and Xie Lian in the Upper Court was already fairly lurid with no need for exaggeration.

When he heard about this, Xie Lian recalled how Hua Cheng had demanded the Upper Court proclaim his heroism for an entire year. "Cheeky," he said with a laugh.

Vol 8, page 153

Again, Xie Lian is openly amused at the way Hua Cheng keeps the other gods on their toes and deliberately annoys them. Mu Qing complains about Hua Cheng's behavior and Xie Lian's reaction is that actually he thinks it's funny and cute. I could not find a single instance where Xie Lian takes Mu Qing and/or Feng Xin's side over Hua Cheng's, much less demands Hua Cheng treat them differently or apologize to them. It is consistently the other way around. (With good reason too, but if I get into that this already lengthy meta will get even longer and stray off topic).

The situation with Shi Qingxuan is similar. I've repeatedly seen people portray it as though Xie Lian should be angry with Hua Cheng over his involvement with He Xuan and demand he betray him and help Shi Qingxuan instead. But when whe look at canon:

"It's too late," Xie Lian muttered. He shut down the communication array and whirled around. "San Lang."

Hua Cheng seemed like he'd already anticipated his question. His hands were clasped behind his back as he gazed at him in solemn silence.

"Did the two of you reach some kind of agreement a long time ago?" Xie Lian asked. Hua Cheng didn't immediately respond. Just as he began to move his lips, Xie Lian quickly reassured him of his intent. "No, no, no, don't tell me! You don't have to answer. If you had a prior arrangement with someone, don't go back on your word on my account. I wouldn't want that. It's my fault for asking so suddenly; I didn't mean to put you in a difficult position."

"I'm sorry, Your Highness," Hua Cheng murmured.

Xie Lian shook his head. "Don't apologize. I should’ve thought of this before. That arrangement must have prevented you from interfering, and from directly telling me the truth."

Hua Cheng had tried to talk him out of it, but he hadn't interfered with Xie Lian's wishes. He accompanied and protected him the whole way, with an escape plan already prepared - except at every turn, something always came up that dragged Xie Lian deeper into the affair. "I should be thanking you," Xie Lian said.

Vol 4, page 215-216

The same way Hua Cheng respected Xie Lian's autonomy and choices, Xie Lian respects his. And not in a bitterly resigned way either - there is no evidence of Xie Lian feeling any kind of resentment towards or moral superiority over Hua Cheng for the latter's agreement with He Xuan. In fact, he apologizes once he realizes that he puts Hua Cheng in a difficult spot by asking about it and also thanks him for both letting Xie Lian make his own choices in this complicated situation and also making sure he wouldn't get hurt by involving himself. And this doesn't only happen once but two more times at least:

Was Shi Qingxuan dead? Did Black Water Demon Xuan reinforce his barrier? No matter the reason, he couldn't return to Shi Qingxuan's body. Even if he rushed to the South Sea that very moment, he'd almost certainly be too late.

Seeing how disconcerted Xie Lian was by this development, Hua Cheng said, "Your Highness, I'm sorry."

Xie Lian looked at him.

"But outsiders shouldn't interfere in this affair," Hua Cheng added.

Xie Lian waved dismissively. "...You don't need to apologize. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to do much even if I were there."

Vol 4, page 254

Hua Cheng flashed a brief smile. Then he said, "I thought gege would blame me."

Xie Lian shook his head. "San Lang doesn't need to overthink things. I really don't blame you. In fact, you were right about this whole thing. Outsiders really...can't possibly interfere."

Vol 4, page 260

Hua Cheng feared Xie Lian would blame him for his involvement but chose to do what he could to both respect Xie Lian's autonomy and protect him while going along with what Xie Lian chose to do. Xie Lian recognizes this and is grateful for it, and now that he knows how complicated the whole situation really is he also understands where Hua Cheng was coming from with cautioning Xie Lian against involving himself. It would make no sense for Xie Lian to be angry with Hua Cheng or even demand him to interfere because he understands that Hua Cheng's stance and his choices come from a place of wisdom and of respect and protectiveness in regards to Xie Lian himself.

He also defends Hua Cheng when Pei Ming demands Xie Lian leverage his relationship with Hua Cheng against the latter to make him assist in finding Shi Qingxuan because he knows how unfair that would be towards Hua Cheng, aside from the fact that it wouldn't be that simple anyway because of how complicated the situation is:

"Your Highness, why not talk to that Crimson Rain Sought Flower of yours, instead of waiting around while the Palace of Ling Wen drags their feet like an old ox pulling a broken cart?" Pei Ming asked. "Can't you have him ask that mad ghost Black Water where he's taken Qingxuan? He already took Water Master-xiong's head - what more does he want?"

Xie Lian shook his head. "General Pei, please don't assume such things are doable," he replied helplessly. "Does one Supreme Ghost King need to keep the other informed on whatever he wants to do?"

With that, Pei Ming didn't say anything more.

Vol 4, page 265

Lastly, there's Ghost City and the way Hua Cheng runs it and treats its citizens and his subordinates. I've often come across Xia Lian being portrayed as though he wants Hua Cheng to change things, for example the way he runs the Gambler's Den, based on how Xie Lian expressed concern over it when he visits it the first time. I've already touched on this in more depth in a different post so I won't go into great detail again here, but when we look at what Xie Lian thinks and says, it becomes clear what he's actually concerned about:

After some hesitation, Xie Lian spoke up again. "San Lang, it may be out of line for me, but I still have to say it. That Gambler's Den of yours is incredibly dangerous. Won't it blow up in your face one day?"

A place that allowed the betting of sons and daughters and people's lives, granting wishes for others' sudden death - it was dreadfully sinful. Never mind a little brawl; if one day the bets got out of hand, the Heavenly Realm wouldn't be able to stay on the sidelines.

Vol 2, page 107

Xie Lian's worry about the Den is motivated by his worry about Hua Cheng, about his fears that something might happen to him if the Heavens aka Jun Wu decide to actively interfere. Xie Lian knows that Hua Cheng is already on Jun Wu's radar in regards to the Ascending Fire Dragon spell having come from an area near Ghost City, and though he still trusts Jun Wu he knows firsthand how terrifying Jun Wu can be in a battle.

I've also sometimes seen Xie Lian portrayed as wanting Hua Cheng to change the way he speaks to Ghost City's inhabitants. However, this is what happens when Lan Chang sets fire to Paradise Manor as a diversion for stealing the fetus spirit and the citizens put out the fire:

They hurried back to Paradise Manor, and on the way, the main street was laden with smoke and jammed with little ghosts and monsters frantically running back and forth with buckets of water. When they saw Hua Cheng and Xie Lian approach, they all called out. "Chengzhu! Don'tcha worry yer ol' lordship, the fire ain't big, it's already out!"

Hua Cheng gave no reaction, but Xie Lian let out a breath of relief. "Thank goodness! Thank you, everyone, for your hard work," Xie Lian gently praised them.

The little ghosts hadn't expected any kind of gratitude at all - not to mention that the "thanks for your hard work" came from Chengzhu's friend! They became quite excited indeed.

"Not hard! It's nothin' major!"

"It's our duty!"

Only then did Xie Lian realize that this show of gratitude was rather inappropriate, as he wasn't the master of the establishment. However, since Hua Cheng didn't say anything, it probably wasn't too horrible that Xie Lian took initiative to do so. He briefly reprimanded himself mentally, then stopped worrying about it.

Vol 3, pages 334-335

Xie Lian doesn't praise and thank the ghosts because he thinks Hua Cheng should do it, he does it because that's simply in his nature. And then he worries about it being impolite because he's not chengzhu and feels it's not really his place. He deeply respects Hua Cheng's authority over his own territory and also understands that Hua Cheng simply isn't the kind of person to talk this way and that there's nothing wrong with it. It's also important to keep another thing in mind that I've mentioned in other metas, that Hua Cheng's care and sense of justice show through his actions, and that because he doesn't speak of them, we most of the time only learn of them through other characters:

Xie Lian said to Hua Cheng, "I will make a trip to the Upper Court this instant and report this case."

While Lan Chang protested, she knew she couldn't stop him. After snapping out of her shock, she suddenly knelt down and prostrated before Hua Cheng. "Chengzhu, thank you for your kindness and grace in sheltering me!"

Vol 3, page 347

I've seen something similar also crop up in regards to Yin Yu. I've already written an in-depth meta analyzing Hua Cheng and Yin Yu's relationship and how I feel it's often mischaracterized in fanon as Yin Yu being exploited by him when it's actually the Heavens who treated Yin Yu that way. So I'm not going to go over all of that again here, but I couldn't find a single instance in canon where Xie Lian ever expresses the need to praise Yin Yu on Hua Cheng’s behalf or anything of the sort. When Xie Lian meets him properly for the first time without his Waning Moon mask and sees Yin Yu work and take orders, this is his reaction:

Xie Lian noticed that Yin Yu had included him in the question, which confused him. "You don't need to ask me," he replied gently.

"It's all the same," Hua Cheng said. "What does gege think?"

Xie Lian thought it over. "Since we were almost out of the valley by the time the mountain spirits came crushing in, fifteen kilometers should be far enough. The air underground isn't sufficient; if we stay down here, we might get dizzy. Let's start digging upward."

"Yes, sir!" Yin Yu acknowledged. He instantly changed directions, digging upward at a slant and even erecting beautiful mud stairs as he went.

The man really is an outstanding assistant. Quick and efficient, and he speaks exactly as much as necessary, Xie Lian remarked to himself. Vol 5, page 236

Xie Lian is surprised to be included when Yin Yu asks for orders since he's Hua Cheng's assistant and Xie Lian again respects Hua Cheng's authority. He also remarks upon Yin Yu's efficiency and overall excellent manner as an assistant, but at no point in the future does he express concern or criticism that this isn't valued or praised enough by Hua Cheng.

So, to sum up: While in fanon, Xie Lian takes issue with Hua Cheng's attitude in general and in regards to these characters/situations in particular, in canon it's the complete opposite. He respects Hua Cheng as a person and a Ghost King, reprimands other characters when they mistreat him, and is amused instead of put off by his sharp wit and the way he keeps the other gods on their toes.

And again I want to stress that me pointing this out isn't meant in a "and that's why you shouldn't write x thing" kind of way or anything like that. I'm merely expressing dismay that I find these fanon portrayals to undermine the very core of what makes Xie Lian and Hua Cheng's relationship so healthy and loving: their mutual respect for each other's autonomy and choices, and the fact that they love each other for who they are, not who they think the other should be by any given standard. Hua Cheng puts it like this: "But only His Highness can decide what he wants to do. I will never oppose his decisions" (Vol 8, page 45) and as this analysis has hopefully shown, the same goes for Xie Lian.

Lastly, I think it's also important to remember what a big theme kindness plays in the novel, especially choosing kindness over prejudice. Hua Cheng falls for Xie Lian because Xie Lian chooses to treat him kindly instead of abusing him out of prejudice about his appearance, and then Xie Lian falls for him because Hua Cheng chooses to treat him kindly no matter what state Xie Lian is in. This should be kept in mind so we don't replace this genuine kindness with a superficial "being nice and polite" attitude and don't confuse genuine righteousness with "acting the way others think we should act."

#tgcf #rereading tgcf #hualian #canon vs fanon #I've started this meta months ago but life got in the way #i hope it still turned out coherent

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fluentmoviequoter · 7 months ago

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Lonelier in Misery

Part 2 of Lonely in Misery

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!paramedic!reader

Summary: After you first date with Tim, you decide to keep your relationship from Nolan and Bailey for as long as possible.

Warnings: brief angst, fluff

Word Count: 1.7k+ words

A/N: Titles are hard sometimes. This is one of those times.

Masterlist | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Fandom List

The morning after your first date with Tim, feigning your continued misery isn’t hard. You miss him already, even though it’s been less than twelve hours since he kissed you and turned your world on its axis. He changed everything, and you never want to go back to how it was before. Now your absent smile and downcast demeanor are because you miss Tim; you miss someone rather than not having anyone. It’s a nice change, but you’re still craving another kiss.

When you arrive at work, Bailey runs across the station to meet you. She pulls you into a tight hug, and you slowly wrap your arms around her in return.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “I thought it would work out with Tim.”

“Oh,” you murmur as you realize she’s still making assumptions based on your text from last night. “Right.”

“Don’t take this as a sign or anything, though. I promise I will do better next time! Just tell me what you did and didn’t like.”

“Bailey, you don’t have to set me up again.”

“No, you need someone. I hate seeing you like this. Being lonely sucks, and with our job, we deserve to have a person to go home to.”

“I agree, but a blind date isn’t-“

“You have to give me another chance. Nolan has more friends, plenty that aren’t cops, so I can find you the right guy.”

Bailey turns when the battalion chief calls her name, and you’re left alone again. You’ll have to convince her not to set you up on another date later. The problem is that you can’t tell her why, not unless you want her to insert herself into your relationship with Tim. Bailey is great, she’s your best friend, but she meddles.

You sigh as you pull your phone out. Tim has responded to your good morning text, so you send a quick warning: Bailey wants to set me up on another date since last night ‘didn’t work out’

Tim answers quickly, and his message brings a smile to your face.

Don’t worry about it. I’ll handle all the dates from now on.

While you avoid answering Bailey’s questions, Tim is dealing with his own line of inquiries about the date last night.

“How did it go? You like her, right? I know you’ve met before,” Nolan asks quickly.

“It was fine,” Tim answers.

“Fine… Is that it? I don’t get more details?”

Tim shrugs and repeats, “It went fine.”

Nolan tosses his hands up in exasperation. Tim won’t elaborate, he already knows that, but he needs to know if he and Bailey were right about their idea that you and Tim would be perfect for one another.

“Sergeant Grey!” Nolan calls. “Bradford and I can deliver the safety brochures to the police station.”

“You want to do a rookie’s assignment for them?” Grey asks, his skepticism audible.

“Yes, sir.”

“Yeah. I know you’re just going to visit Bailey, though, you’re not smooth, Nolan.”

“Never expected to be. Thank you, sir!” Nolan turns to Tim to say, “Let’s go.”

“Why?” Tim asks.

“Because I want to hear from both of you. Fine isn’t good enough.”

Tim grumbles as he follows Nolan to the shop. “I’m driving,” he yells when he catches up.

You’re restocking an equipment kit near the open garage door when a police car parks outside. As you set your gear aside, you see Tim exit the driver’s seat. You smile at him, but he shakes his head just before you see Nolan on the other side. It’s not a friendly visit, then.

“Good morning,” Tim greets. “We are here to drop off these public safety cards.”

“Great. Thanks,” you reply as you take them.

Your fingers brush over Tim’s and you feel the same jolt as when he kissed you last night.

“Where’s Bailey?” Nolan asks.

“Kitchen, I think,” you answer.

He nods to thank you, then walks past the fire engines to find Bailey. You raise your brows and look at Tim, but he just sighs. It’s not far-fetched to assume Nolan gave him treatment similar to the one you got from Bailey.

“Alright,” Nolan calls. He returns with Bailey beside him, and you sigh with Tim this time. “Let’s get to the bottom of this.”

“What happened last night, Tim?” Bailey asks. “You get to the restaurant, and?”

“She’s not who I expected,” Tim answers. He glances at you quickly, and you immediately decide to play along.

“Exactly,” you agree. “Blind date usually implies that you don’t know the person. We’ve met before.”

“Okay, but there’s no animosity or anything. You get along,” Nolan argues. “So, why’d you leave just as sad as when you got there?”

“Because I was still lonely,” you answer.

It’s not a lie. Neither you nor Tim will lie, but you’re going to answer the questions without admitting that they were right. They’ll never let you live it down if they can take credit for your relationship with Tim.

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t enjoy yourselves,” Bailey says. “But your relationships are your decisions. And I already have another guy lined up that I want you to meet.”

You open your mouth to argue, but Tim winks at you before you speak. He told you not to worry about it, so you won’t.

“We need to get back to the station if you’re done with the interrogation,” Tim tells Nolan.

“Sure, yeah,” Nolan responds.

You wave discreetly as Tim leaves, and your internal countdown to when you’ll see him again resumes.

As you walk out of the fire station after your shift ends, your phone rings.

“Hi,” you answer.

“Hi,” Tim repeats. “Are you off?”

“I am. I’m leaving right now.”

“Then you should come over for dinner.”

“I’d love that.”

Tim texts you his address, and you smile for the entire trip to his house. When he opens the door and pulls you into a hug, you feel complete again.

“Whoa, it smells amazing in here. Are you cooking?” you ask.

“Maybe,” Tim answers. “That depends on if you have any stereotypical views that I can’t because I’m a man and a cop.”

“I think you can do everything and look good doing it,” you reply happily.

“Then, yes, I’m cooking. And thank you.”

You follow Tim into the kitchen and settle at his side as he finishes preparing the meal. Everything looks great, but you’d do just about anything as long as you were with Tim.

“I’m sorry if I pushed everything too far today. I know we don’t want them in our business, but if you want me to stop covering things up, I will,” Tim offers.

“You didn’t go too far. I thought it was kind of fun. Plus, I like being with you, even if we are lying to my best friend.”

“Lying,” Tim scoffs.

“By omission, yeah.”

Tim rolls his eyes but tugs you closer to kiss you. His hands rest on your cheeks and as you move with him, you know that it is impossible to feel sad or lonely around Tim Bradford.

Two days later, you find yourself pacing beside your ambulance. Tim texted this morning, just: I won’t answer for a while.

There hasn’t been anything on the news or the radio channels about big police operations, so you’re left to worry about him with nothing more to go on. You try to convince yourself that he’s just in a meeting or on patrol with someone, so he can’t use his phone, but then your mind wanders to a dangerous situation where using his phone could get him killed.

“Oh no,” Bailey murmurs. “Are you okay?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” you answer, snapping yourself out of your thoughts. “I’m just stressing. For no reason.”

“Get your stuff.”

“What? Why?”

“You need a distraction, and John Nolan is my favorite distraction. Tag along with me?”

You consider it for a moment. If you stay here, you’ll just be worried and alone. “Yes, please,” you decide.

When Bailey parks at the Mid-Wilshire station, you follow her inside and force yourself not to check your phone again. Tim will reach out when he can. Someone calls your name, and both you and Bailey stop.

“Hi, Detective Lopez,” you greet when you see Angela.

She hugs you tightly as she says, “Stop, it’s Angela. Especially now that you’re dating my BFF.”

“What?” Bailey interrupts.

Angela’s eyes widen, and she whispers, “I’m so sorry. I thought everyone knew. He told me, so I just assumed.”

Bailey says your name and points at you, ready to accuse you of lying to her and keeping secrets. Before she can, Nolan yells, “Why?!” from somewhere else in the station.

A few seconds later, he walks into the bullpen with Tim following closely behind him. Tim is talking, sternly and meanly, based on his stance. Nolan sees you and Bailey and quickens his pace.

“Bailey,” he begins.

“I know!” she replies. “They’re liars.”

“Why would you lie about that?” Nolan asks.

Tim steps to your side as you answer, “Technically, we didn’t lie. We answered your questions.”

“You just didn’t ask the right questions,” Tim agrees. “Which is part of your job, Nolan.”

“No, no, no. Don’t make this about me,” Nolan argues.

“Wait, so then are you going out again?” Bailey asks.

“And did you actually consider that to be a date? Enjoy it and everything?” Nolan adds.

Tim takes your hand as they continue asking questions, and you wave kindly to Angela as he leads you away. You smile as you follow him blindly. Once he has you away from the bullpen and the endless questions, he stops and pulls you close.

“Are you okay?” you ask. “I’ve been worried.”

“I’m sorry. I got called into a meeting to consult on a UC operation. Everything is confidential, so I couldn’t have my phone on me.”

“I’m not mad. I feel much better now that I know you’re okay.”

“It’s Friday,” he reminds you. “We have another date tonight.”

You nod, and Tim moves his hands, one on your waist and one on your jaw. He dips his chin and kisses you in the empty hallway, and you wonder what did it feel like to be miserable again?

#tim bradford x reader #tim bradford x fem!reader #tim bradford x y/n #tim bradford x you #tim bradford fic #tim bradford imagine #tim bradford fluff #tim bradford the rookie #tim bradford #the rookie x reader #the rookie abc #fem!reader #hanna writes✯

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angelasscribbles · 7 months ago

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All That She Wants Chapter 7: Now What?

Series: All That She Wants

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings for this chapter: Liam x Olivia

Word Count: 1,297 Rating: MA

Warnings for this chapter: faintest whiff of lemons

My other stuff: Master List.

Chapter is under the cut.

"Damn, that was good.” Olivia was still pinned against the shower wall, water cascading down her naked body as Liam pulsed inside her. Her nails raked across his shoulders. “But this isn’t what you summoned me to the palace for.”

“No, it isn’t. But it is a nice fringe benefit.” He smirked as he pulled out of her and lowered her to the ground.

Olivia made a noncommittal noise as she turned the water off and stepped out of the walk-in shower. She grabbed two towels from the warmer and tossed one at Liam before drying herself off. Wrapping herself in the plush robe hanging on the back of the door, she turned to face her lover expectantly. “Are you going to tell me, or do I have to guess?”

“I thought we could discuss things over dinner. It should be here soon.” He opened the door and exited the bathroom.

The bedroom in the suite that was always reserved for House Nevrakis contained a dresser stocked with men’s clothing in the king’s size. He began dressing, humming happily to himself.

Olivia followed him. “I would prefer if you just tell me whatever it is. Is it about the annual budget for Lythikos? Because—”

“No, no, nothing like that!” He assured her as he pulled on a pair of pants. Noting her serious expression, he huffed out, “Fine. I’ll tell you now.”

“Please do.”

“Riley has given me two days to decide to either give her a baby or a divorce. I have a day left to decide.”

“Okay…” Olivia said carefully. “What does that have to do with me? If you want to keep your wife, give her a baby. If you don’t, then what’s the problem?”

Liam gaped at her. How could she not see the obvious? “It has everything to do with you, with us! This is our chance to be together, Liv. For real this time! I’ll give her the divorce and then you and I can get married. No more hiding, no more pretending!”

Olivia’s face bore a mixture of horror, disbelief, and amusement. “Liam, you know all the reasons I said no to your proposal the first time.”

“But this is different, Liv! I know you never wanted children, but I’ve already had them! You won’t have to—”

She drew back as he stepped toward her. “You expect me to be a stepmother?”

“I have nannies, Liv. And they have a mother. Riley won’t stop being their mom.”

Olivia shook her head vigorously back and forth. “I hope you didn’t call me here to make some sort of proposal. If you want to divorce your wife, be my guest. But I’m not replacing her.”

“Why not?”

Olivia snorted with exasperation. “We’ve been over this. Your world comes with too many strings and obligations, for starters.”

“You don’t want to be queen.”

“No. You know this.”

Liam sighed in frustration, but he wasn’t giving up. “There is a third option.”

“What is it?”

“Let someone else give her a baby.”

Olivia’s eyebrows shot up. “Would you even agree to that?”

“If I agree to it, we would go public with the Cordonian Arrangement. There’s no way around that. The mandatory paternity test would out us.”

Her eyebrows shot even higher. “That is not something I would expect you to do. You’re too conscious of your public image, decorum, tradition—”

“Generally, yes, but there is an upside here.”

“I’m listening.”

“If it’s public knowledge, then that frees me up to do what I want without the hiding and sneaking around. You and I can still be together publicly, Liv, even if you don’t want to marry me.”

She watched him warily. “Together how?”

“I could make you the official royal mistress.” He offered, his tone, facial expression, and body language implying that he believed this to be a boon.

She stifled a laugh. “Liam, that title comes with almost as much baggage as being queen.”

It also would require her to remain faithful to the king, giving up all other lovers, something she was not prepared to do.

His face fell. The romantic dinner he had planned was going completely sidewise, and the food hadn’t even arrived yet.

Olivia tried to disarm the situation. “I’m sure she’s bluffing, anyway. Riley is in love with you, Liam. She’s not going to get pregnant by someone else.”

He laughed humorlessly. “She’s already sleeping with Drake.”

“With Drake?” Olivia focused on him with an intensity he found a little uncomfortable. “He had a vasectomy. When he and I were an item. We both agreed—”

“He offered to reverse it for her.”

Olivia felt like the floor had fallen out from under her. “He what?”

Anger rose like the tide inside him as he clocked her reaction. “He offered to reverse it for her. Why are you so upset? Do you still have feelings for him?”

“What? No!” she scoffed, but her inability to look him directly in the eye told him everything he needed to know.

He tamped down his rage as best he could. He needed things clarified for him. “So, you won’t marry me if I get divorced, and you won’t be my official mistress if I don’t. Do you actually want any type of relationship with me at all, or have I been wasting my time all these years?”

She threw her hands up in the air as she stalked away from him. “Don’t be so fucking dramatic. I have always been crystal clear that our relationship is purely sexual. You know I have other lovers and I like it that way. I need my space and freedom, Liam. I don’t want to be tied down to any one person.”

“Unless it’s Drake, you mean.”

“Oh, for the love of God, stop it. I am not in love with Drake.”

Liam felt like he’d just been slapped. “Who said anything about love? I didn’t use that word, you did!”

“Stop trying to make this about me! This is about you and Riley! Why do you need my input to make this decision?”

“Because I love you and I thought you loved me back!” White hot fury mingled with wretched despair.

He had convinced himself they were star-crossed lovers, kept apart by circumstance. He had believed that if the universe aligned so that they could be together, then they would be together.

He had been willing to throw his reputation to the wind for her. Willing to disregard public opinion and be the first monarch in Cordonian history to get a divorce. He had frozen out his wife, the woman that did love him, for a lie. A lie he’d told himself.

Olivia Nevrakis had just ripped his heart out for the second time in their lives.

“I’m sorry, Liam. Maybe you should go.”

He gathered his things and left without another word. The walk back to the royal wing felt like a million miles as he contemplated the fact that Olivia was still in love with Drake.

He hated him for it.

He knew it wasn’t fair. Drake didn’t seem to return Olivia’s feelings, nor did he seem to be encouraging or leading her on in any way.

Still.

It rankled that the only reason the woman he loved didn’t love him back was because Drake Walker existed.

Exacting any type of revenge seemed pointless. Drake hadn’t done it on purpose. He had, in fact, backed all the way off when Liam had asked him to.

Olivia wasn’t aware of it, but Liam was the reason Drake had broken things off with her.

That fact didn't make him feel any better about the situation.

An emotion he wasn't proud of stirred in his chest.

If Liam couldn’t have the woman he wanted, why should Drake get the one he wanted?

Maybe it was time to reconnect with his wife.

#the royal romance #trr #the royal romance fanfic #angelasscribbles #choices fic writers creations #cfwc fics of the week #choices stories you play #liam rys #olivia nevrakis

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newtthetranswriter · 1 year ago

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'Ello, 'ello, 'ello! I just saw your post about making GO2 x readers. I was wondering if you can make an Aziraphale x reader? The reader is a rank lower than Aziraphale, but more chaotic when they got on earth. Reader's a freaking simp to Aziraphale and tells everything they like about him to Crowley.

Bonus if Crowley literally yeets the reader to Aziraphale for swooning too much.

Word count: 1335

Paring: Aziraphale x reader

A/n: Thank you for requesting I hope you enjoy it. It was nice dipping into the Good Omens fandom for writing. Requests are currently open, just make sure to check my rules and character list before requesting thanks, and enjoy. Also very small season 2 spoilers so read at your own discretion. MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT

Having been on earth for the past 6000 years has been wild. I have witnessed and maybe participated in multiple wars, seen the rise and fall of empires, but the best thing I have witnessed on earth is my fellow angel, Aziraphale. I just love his fascination with books, and the workings of human society. The fact that he even is so kind as to help the demon Crowley with tasks that they both happen to be assigned to is amazing, he is such a kind individual and needs to be protected.

Over the years I have noticed that whenever I’m around him my brain goes fuzzy, like it becomes impossible to think of anything other than him. I have no idea how to tell him this, I mean it’s not like he would feel the same about me. After all that we have been through together I think it’s best if i just keep these feelings to myself, as I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship.

Well keeping it to myself is far easier said than done as I was currently pestering my favorite fallen angel, and some things may have slipped out.

“I don’t know when I started feeling this way, I just think he’s so sweet. And the look on his face when he thought his books were destroyed in that church back in ww2, he was so sad and then he realized you saved them he was so happy. I love how he takes care of his books like they are the most important things in this world.” I said, talking the demon's ear off as he just rolled his eyes at me.

He just continued to sit on the park bench while we were waiting for Aziraphale, watching me pass in front of him. “Why are you telling me this, I don’t care.” He said hoping I would just sit down and shut up.

I just rolled my eyes and continued knowing it would probably still be a few minutes before the angle showed up. “I just wish I knew what he was thinking in that pretty little brain of his.” I sighed as I sat next to Crowley. “Who am I kidding, he would never like me like that. I’m one misstep from being a demon, he’s so straight laced while I like to cause trouble. He wouldn’t even look my way if we weren’t both angels.” I said exasperated.

The demon next to me just sighed before hoping the other angel would show up already. “Just because you are more of a morally gray angel doesn't mean he wouldn’t look at you. I mean look at me, I’m a demon and he talks to me.” Crowley said, jestering to himself. “ And trust me he does like you, talks about you whenever you aren’t around.” He said, trying to cheer me up.

“Yeah right, there is no way Aziraphale, the perfect angel who runs a book shop that is really just a cover for his hoarding problem, would like me. But it’s whatever, I've resigned myself to watching from afar. I’m fine watching him light up every time he finds a rare book, or finds a new food he likes.” I said in a dreamy voice. “Anyway I’m done talking about it, he should be here soon.”

Just as I finished the sentence, said angel walked up to us. We both greeted him before checking in on whether any of us have heard from hell or heaven recently, thankfully not. After about ten minutes of quick catch up, Aziraphale stood up and turned to us. “Would either of you care to join me for lunch?” He asked with a bright smile.

I was about to decline when Crowley spoke up with a wicked smirk. “Oh I’m not in the mood to eat right now but our dear Y/n would gladly join you.” He then pushed me off the bench towards the angel ignoring my glare.

“Well then, shall be off than Y/n.” Aziraphale said as he reached for my hand. I hesitantly accepted it, not missing the thumbs up Crowley shot my way as me and the angel walked away.

As we approached the small dinner we had picked for lunch Aziraphale took notice of me being more quiet than usual. “Is everything alright? You’ve been oddly quiet.” I could hear the concern in his voice as we took our sets.

I gave him a small smile before responding,”Everything is fine just feeling a little under the weather I guess.” I said hoping he would accept the answer and leave it at that.

“Oh, are you sure you are up to getting food then, we could go back to the bookshop and I could make you a nice cup of tea?” The angel asked, making my heart swell and blush rush to my checks. “You do look a bit warm.”

I silently cursed myself of course he would notice me blushing. I tried to think of an excuse. “I’m fine really, it’s just a little warm. Let’s just order.” I watched as he let out a sigh before waving down the waitress and placed our order. I relaxed slightly hoping he finally let it go.

After about thirty minutes, we had finished eating and were now walking back to Aziraphale’s bookshop. It was an awkward silence, I could tell he wanted to ask me about something but I wasn’t sure what. As we turned a corner on to a less crowded street he stopped suddenly, I turned and looked at him confused. We were only a couple blocks from the bookshop, why did he stop all of a sudden.

“You’re hiding something from me.” He said out of nowhere, his tone wasn’t angry but more concerned. “I heard you talking with Crowley before. I didn’t hear everything but I could tell it was something about me because you ended the conversation saying ‘he should be here soon.’. And I don’t want to over step but if there is something you need to tell me please just tell me, I promise to listen. I’m really good at Listening.” I could tell he was worried that it was something bad.

I froze for a second before walking up to him. “It’s nothing bad, I just don’t know how to tell you this.” I said, looking away slightly. “Look, you don’t have to respond now or ever actually, but I like you, a lot. And I know you probably don’t feel the same but I just needed to get it off my chest. I love how much you love books, and helping people.” I finally got the words off my chest hoping to at least still have one of my best friends.

There was a pause before he smiled at me and grabbed my hands. “How could I possibly not feel the same way? Yes you tend to go about things in a less than angelic way but that’s part of what makes you so amazing. I love that about you, I love that I can talk to you about my rare books and you will listen, I love that you get along with Crowley cause let’s be honest he’s not the easiest to talk with. It’s amazing to have you here. So I do feel the same, and never be scared to tell me your feelings. I am here to listen.”

I just looked at him in shock. Crowley was right, Aziraphale does feel the same. I was at a loss for words but I settled on giving him the biggest smile I could before pulling him in for a hug. As I pulled from the hug, he placed a hand on my cheek and smiled. I knew that whatever came next, we would have each other's back. Little did I know that what came next was a very naked Gabriel who had no clue who he was or why he was here. This was gonna be fun.

#good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens x reader #aziraphale x reader #aziraphale

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snowbellewells · 2 days ago

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CS Secret Santa 2024 Gift Fic: "Christmas Getaway With You" for @stevebcks

I am sorry that it is so late on Christmas night for your present @stevebcks! But yes, I have been your Santa this year. I have really enjoyed chatting with you and getting to know someone I hadn't ever met or gotten to talk with yet in this fandom. I hope you will still enjoy this, even though it is later than I had hoped. I also hope that this Christmas has been a great one for you and that you've truly enjoyed the warmth and joy of the holiday.

You gave me so many great ideas in your answers to my asks, and I tried to work in several of them - giving Emma and Killian more time together in their happily married everyday life, giving a glimpse of them raising their daughter, getting to see them celebrate the holiday, and to visit New York again together. I even attempted to sneak Merlin into the story (at least a playful nod to him!)

Without further hesitating, here's your story!!

“Christmas Getaway With You”

By: @snowbellewells

“Emma, for the last time, Love, you’ve checked everything twice! We’re all ready to set sail.” Killian’s gentle tone of affectionate exasperation finally served to snap Emma from ducking back into the kitchen to be absolutely certain that the door into the mudroom and their backyard beyond was secure and that the coffeemaker was indeed unplugged from the wall for what was at least the third time. Shaking her head at her own anxious dithering, she leaned into his side when he wrapped his arm around her, bringing her to a standstill in the entryway. Killian’s steadying presence soothed her frazzled nerves, just as he always did - no matter what the problem, and she thrilled at the sensation of the smooth curve of his hook rubbing back and forth lightly over her hip, the simple gesture somehow lulling in its familiarity.

“You’re right, Babe,” Emma breathed out as she looked up at him with a grateful smile. “I’m acting crazy and I’m not even sure why.”

“Nonsense, I wouldn’t necessarily call you crazy. Any pirate worth his - or her - “ here he waggled an eyebrow and gave his wife a knowing wink, “salt, knows well enough to properly safeguard the treasure.”

Emma snickered at that and pulled away, but this time she finally moved toward the door, as had been her original intention. Reaching to the coat rack whether her favorite leather jacket and beanie hung waiting, Emma grinned at her own worried expense before speaking to him over her shoulder, “Still, enough’s enough. We’re only going to be gone a few short days. Henry comes in on Friday, plus he’ll have Hope here then, and probably Violet too once she gets back to town, and we’ll be back on Monday.”

Killian’s eyebrows both rose up to disappear under the dark fringe of hair hanging over his forehead as he feigned shocked surprise. “You’re allowing the lad and his lady love to cohabitate under your roof when we aren’t here to chaperone?”

Her husband’s playful pretense of being scandalized had Emma putting her hands on her hips in equally mock consternation. “Oh, don’t pretend your delicate sensibilities are overcome. If you think I don’t know you gave him some tips on successful wooing of said lady love along the way, you’d better think again, buddy.”

Killian chuckled in return at that, dipping his head in a slight bob of agreement to show that he knew she had him there. Taking his own jacket from the peg next to his Swan’s, Killian swung his own outerwear over his shoulders and then waited at the door for Emma as she patted her pockets and made certain she had her keys, phone, badge, and cards before following her out onto the porch and locking the door behind them.

“There,” Emma said, pleased to feel the weight of everyday concerns falling from her shoulders with the closed door. Taking Killian’s offered hand, she added, “Let the holiday adventure begin.”

~~~~**

The next afternoon found them snuggled in a corner booth at the charming Serendipity’s in the Upper East Side of New York City itself. Not only was the frozen hot chocolate heaped with whipped cream and toppings decadent enough to induce guilt all on its own, but sitting there cozily tucked into Killian’s side had Emma almost feeling selfish for escaping from her family and friends in Storybrooke, not to mention her little girl to steal a few days - and nights - alone with her pirate husband. Nevermind that Hope had her Grandpa David completely wrapped around her tiny fingers and would be dragging him around with the dogs, goats and sheep on the farm until dark and then she and Grandma Snow would probably create the most intricate and icing-frosting gingerbread castle known to man; suffice it to say Hope was in little girl heaven being spoiled by her grandparents at present, and would get to spend a whole day with her adored big brother right before Emma and Killian returned; she was hardly pining away feeling left out. Maybe she should feel ashamed of herself for counting it almost a luxury to canoodle with her handsome husband in public without interruptions from well-meaning neighbors (or parents), Ruby winking at her knowingly from behind the counter at Granny’s, or one of the dwarves bursting into the middle of the date to proclaim some new emergency, but she felt incredibly spoiled and pleased at pulling it off all the same.

A pleasant rumbling chuckle from Killian’s chest vibrated through her as he licked the last of his own dessert from the spoon, making Emma’s heart rate triple and her cheeks heat at the image of his lips enveloping the utensil and thinking of how deliciously they felt sampling her bare skin as well when they were behind closed door. “You seemed pensive, Darling,” he murmured low in her ear, voice sounding mild and innocent, though Emma could clearly see otherwise when she shot a sideways glance at his twinkling eyes and mischievous expression.

“As if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing,” she countered with a huff, pushing away slightly to sit upright, sip the last dregs of her melty treat, and rise to stand before him determinedly. “Enough stalling, Captain,” she added with tart certainty. “You aren’t going to get me addled enough to forget what you promised. I may drag you back to our room, but…”

As she paused for a shaky breath, Killian ran his tongue salaciously over his lower lip, eyeing her intently and taking her internal temperature up another few notches. Still, Emma arched her brow right back at him in return and leaned in to meet his teasing look with one of her own. “But not before you take me ice skating, as planned,” she finished.

Shaking his head at her antics, Killian rose to his feet as well, leaving a generous tip for their server - with dollar bills, not doubloons, as Emma had reiterated he must do to blend in properly in the Land Without Magic - and offered her his arm as gallantly as ever while they made their way back out into the frosty night. Once they were back on the sidewalk, shoulders hunched against the chill air as they turned their steps toward Central Park, Killian spoke up again with resigned knowing, “Though I suspect you largely wish to see me at disadvantage and looking foolish, you wish is - as always - my command, Emma.”

The wide, dazzling grin she gave him in return sent any hesitance Killian had felt at the strange activity fleeing to the furthest back corner of his mind. His lovely wife beaming so open and joyously was still entirely too rare in his opinion, and it made any upcoming embarrassment well worth it. Emma, for her part, could see that decision in his adoring gaze, and blinked back the tears that beaded her eyelashes, loving him all the more for his dedication to her happiness.

~~~**

Upon reaching the crowded space sent aside as an ice-skating rink within the acreage of Central Park, not only did Emma gain a bit of an eager spring to her step, her shining golden hair swinging mesmerizingly over her shoulders, but Killian felt himself charmed too, in spite of his reluctance. The borders around the frozen surface were looped and festooned by a wealth of twinkle lights glowing cheerily, and at some point during their stop for dessert at Serendipity’s, snow had begun to fall lightly, giving the entire scene just the sort of pretty white dusting that added the perfect festive look to the atmosphere. People were scattered all around the busy clearing - as they were all throughout this major city, Killian was coming to understand, almost packed atop each other really. There were couples skating hand-in-hand and parents helping their children put on skates interspersed with teenagers weaving in and out of the slower skaters on the ice and laughing over their cocoa in clumps at the picnics tables; humanity of all ages and races converging here in holiday cheer. It truly was something to witness.

Emma led the way to the rental stall with confidence, causing Killian to wonder with blatant curiosity if she and Henry had come here often in that lost year when they were separated and her lad was still just a youngster yet. That time had dragged and tormented her unendingly, thinking Emma was lost to him forever, just when she had begun to see him for the man he wished to be, the man she had restored in him. All the same, for his Swan, it must have been such a sweet, simple respite in many ways. She didn’t remember the family, or the pirate, she had lost. Henry was hers alone, and had always been so. Returning to the constant battles and demands, to sharing her son with the woman who would have gladly seen her dead - or in a cursed sleep forever - could not have been the easy choice. Killian knew that - and yet, it struck him anew in moments he least expected it.

Turning to see the slightly pained expression on his face, Emma’s brow puckered in confusion. “What’s wrong, Babe?” she asked worriedly, tugging the hand she held to get his attention fully. “You know I’m mostly kidding you, right? If we skate a couple rounds and you hate it, we don’t have to keep going.”

Killian shook his head with a light scoff at that, waving off her concern before bending to press a kiss to her forehead in reassurance. “Don’t you worry, Love,” he soothed. “I was only lost in thought for a moment.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, leaning in to rest a hand over his heart as she often did, ever since his time in the Underworld, it having become a bit of a habit to assure herself his heart was beating with life once again.

“Aye,” he nodded decisively, without a moment’s pause, not about to keep her guessing or make her feel he wouldn’t wish to join her in whatever she truly wished to do.

By this time, they had reached the front of the line and turned from conversation with each other to face the attendant renting skates to all the bravely bundled up visitors of the outdoor rink. To Emma’s surprise, the young man smiling back at them had an oddly familiar glimmer in his deep chocolate-brown eyes and soft affection to his smile. It was completely at odds with her certainty that she’d never met him before, nor could she begin to guess his name, but the way he greeted them with such friendliness and - she could have sworn - a playful wink, made it seem as if he somehow knew them. He was a handsome and eye-catching guy, his close-cropped black hair, mocha latte skin, and lean height made him hard not to notice, all the more reason Emma suspiciously felt she ought to know him, though her mind offered no further clues. “How can I help you fine folks?” he spoke then, bright and completely innocuous right words. “A couple pair of skates?”

“Right you are,” Killian answered, giving Emma a curious look to show he found this effusive welcome strange as well, but carrying on normally. “Two pair for an hour’s rental, if you please.”

With a nod, the attendant turned to reach behind him to the shelves and retrieve the skates in their sizes which Killian had requested. Emma offered him the rental fee money, as Killian had taken both pairs of skates in his good hand and didn’t often choose to extend his false wooden hand to strangers, even if he did concede to wear it when they ventured outside Storybrooke. However, when her gloved hand touched his to give him the money, a shivering flash ran through her, nearly knocking Emma back on her heels.

Glancing up at the man sharply, Emma drew in a quick gasp of surprise, even as she felt Killian’s touch at the small of her back in silent support. All she got in return was a subtle bow of the head, acknowledging what she had felt, and the lowly murmured, “It’s lovely to see you happy for the holidays at long last, Savior.”

“What - ? Wait, who are you?” she sputtered, floundering for a response. “How did you - ?”

“Emma, Love, maybe now is not the time,” Killian whispered at her ear, nodding subtly toward the line of people behind them, beginning to shuffle and grow impatient when they didn’t move on with their skates and make way for the next customers.

“To answer your question, I’m Melvin Emrys, skate shop employee extraordinaire,” the enigmatic young man broke in with a smile. “Though I doubt that helps you, as I am sure even now you are thinking that name does not quite fit.” He winked again. “Both of you enjoy your time on the ice. It truly can be magical this time of year. But I’m afraid that now I must see to the rest of my customers.”

Killian ushered Emma over to a bench nearby, she still looking back over her shoulder uneasily, trying to understand what had just happened. Her pirate was hovering a bit more protectively than usual, but nothing overtly threatening had actually happened, and so they soon attempted to shrug off the odd encounter, see to their skates, and were soon gingerly stepping out onto the ice.

To her utter delight, Emma found that the gliding movement came back to her easily, her feet moving almost as if on auto pilot, her muscle memory seeming to sustain her, even if it had been years since she’d last been on skates. Swirling around she faced Killian, who was still on solid ground, looking dubiously at the frozen surface and then her as if again trying to gauge if she only wanted to see him land on his arse.

Holding out her hand, Emma cocked her head to the side and gave him a playful pout before wheedling, “Come on now, Pirate, don’t tell me the scourge of the high seas is afraid of a little frozen water. Don’t you trust me?”

Resolve seemed to crystallize in Killian’s bright blue eyes, the determined bob of his chin seeming to solidify his decision. “That’s hardly fair, Sweetheart. You know I trust you as I would no one else.” He took first one, then another cautious step forward, until he was, wavering only slightly, standing fully on the icy surface. “I simply wonder if you might also wish to see me looking as ridiculously uncoordinated as you sometimes do.”

“Hey!” Emma blurted out, almost jerking her hand back to cross her arms over her chest in feigned affront.

He had hold of her already, and rather than slipping and losing his balance, he pulled her into his unexpectedly solid embrace, grinning down at her with a face so full of mischief that she knew immediately she’d been had.

“You already know how to ice skate just fine, don’t you?” she asked, the answer having already dawned on her without much of a doubt.

Waggling both eyebrows at her in a way that made her want to both giggle and smack him simultaneously, Killian nodded in confirmation of her words, not willing to string her along any further.

“Why didn’t you say so?” she asked curiously.

“All that time on the seas, traveling to so many different lands and times, I would have had to have picked it up somewhere. There are parts of the sea that turn so cold, even that much water can freeze solid,” he offered simply. “But you seemed to eager to show me something from your world, to teach me something that you loved to do, that I hated to spoil it for you. And I wasn’t completely sure that after so long in Neverland, I would still remember how…”

“Hmm…” Emma grumbled a bit, but it was half-hearted, seeing that his heart had been in the right place, and also eager to skate with him, to feel the breeze in her hair and the snowflakes on her face and enjoy the feeling of almost flying with him at her side.

“Now, now, Darling,” Killian crooned, taking her hand and pushing off gracefully, both of them setting off in a smooth glide that curved gently when they reached the end of the rink. “Don’t pout, just because you won’t be getting to see this arse you love bumped and bruised and frozen from landing on the ice.”

“Yeah, yeah, we’ll see about how much I love it once you probably show me up at this,” she said, but her cheeks were heating pleasantly just watching how smoothly he moved beside her. He was as graceful in this as he was everything else he tried.

~~~**

By the time their few days in the city drew to a close, it was Christmas Eve. As they packed up the Bug for the trek back to Storybrooke, Emma couldn’t help reflecting on what a difference a few days away could make. She and Killian hadn’t had this much time to themselves since they were married, quite possibly even since their inadvertent trip to the Enchanted Forest of the past. She couldn’t claim to read her pirate’s mind, but they did understand each other, just as they always had. It was clear enough that he felt as renewed as she did, and anxious to get home again to their loved ones, especially their little girl.

She knew Killian was also thrilled to have found gifts fit for his pirate princess at FAO Schwarz and couldn’t wait to give them to Hope the next day. He’d found a huge, ostentatious, feathered pirate hat worthy of his showy old nemesis Blackbeard, but he knew his daughter would love it. Along with that, he’d purchased a shining miniature toy cutlass which looked as much like his as he could have possibly imagined without being an actual weapon. Emma found herself grinning even more at the thought of the large, squishy-soft stuffed octopus she’d found herself to add to the haul. After being spoiled by her grandparents and then her older brother the last several days, Hope would be on a sugar high and bouncing off the walls with excitement already. Seeing all her presents from the big city would have her beside herself.

And Emma wouldn’t want it any other way. There was something incredibly healing about seeing her own child get to have the sort of Christ mas she herself had always dreamed of - surrounded by belongings and love - and getting to be a part of it herself at long last.

So when they drove past the Storybrooke sign some hours later, snowflakes still sparkling in the chill air and Killian’s solid warmth at her side, nearing the rest of their family and a Christmas celebration sure to be of royal proportions at her mother and father’s farmhouse that night, Emma smiled at her True Love and let herself savor that extra little thrill of Christmas magic.

#cs ff #cs fanart #csss2024 #cssecretsanta2024 #gift fic for @stevebcks #ouat post s6 future fic #cs future family fluff #cs christmas one shot

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yolowritter · 7 months ago

Text

In Defense of Chloe Bourgeois Part 1: Who is Chloe?

Well...shit, here we go again! Hello there everyone, welcome back to the source of my endless exasperation! Before any of you pick a side to the argument, I want to make it perfectly clear that this isn't a post about whether or not Chloe should have had a redemption arc. This is not my point, and any argument for either side have been repeated so many times by now that I can recite most by memory. So, let's begin by establishing why exactly I'm even writing this post!

Chloe Bourgeois is one of my favorite characters in Miraculous Ladybug. The...the fanon version, obviously. Canon can go keel over in an alleyway, it already has more holes in it than the average swiss cheese. I've been a part of this fandom for a good few years now, and at the time of watching Miracle Queen was understandably upset at the...direction, that her character was taken. It left a sour taste in my mouth because I honestly didn't see it coming, but I'll get more into that later. Point is, I was once a defender of Chloe's redemption arc. I am not stating if I am or not still one of those at present, because that's not what the point is. Regardless of what side of the fence you're on, we can all agree that her character was horribly mismanaged in the latter half of this show. Erratic, extreme and oftentimes illogical choices that sound stupider than Lila's average gaslighting scheme, and a character who previously had an arc going for her now being defined only by the sheer inconsistency that writhes every moment she's on-screen. I'll be honest, I no longer particularly care if Chloe "should" have been redeemed or not, because either avenue could have allowed for some brilliant (or at the very least pretty decent) storytelling.

This defense strives not to strip anyone of their arguments, nor to challenge anyone's headcanons, or make a point about what the "correct" way to handle Chloe's character should have been. Again, I lost interest in the debate a long time ago. I'm simply here to examine who Chloe is as a person, what drives her, what her life experiences have been like, and where all this could logically lead from both a writing and human perspective. I care about Chloe as a person, and about a character who if nothing else, at least acts consistently, in a way where the audience can watch them and understand why they're acting like this. I'll be trying to give context to some of her actions and fill in as many plot holes as I can, as well as giving a glimpse as to how a possible Redemption or Corruption Arc could have gone. So without any further ado, let's dive right in!

Firstly, let's start by laying out some common ground. After the Gabriel Agreste post, I think it's necessary to establish some clear lines as to what exactly we're talking about here. So before anything else, let's look at what we learn about Chloe in Season 1, yeah? Without going episode-by-episode, we generally don't get a good impression of her. Chloe is clearly spoiled by her father, used to always getting her way, and has no problem pressuring others into making that happen. She treats her classmates more like annoyances if not outright minions (Sabrina and on occasion Kim), has little consideration for other people's feelings, and likes appearing superior to everyone else. A pretty bad start, all things considered. She bosses Sabrina around, and we're explicitly told that Chloe often bribes her with her second-hand stuff, or whatever she wants to get rid of. Sabrina clearly doesn't know how to stand up for herself, and Chloe seems perfectly willing to take advantage of her doormat status. She also has the roots for a sweet sweet superiority complex firmly planted, considering how she rejects and humiliates Kim when he tries to confess his love to her. I'll be damned if I ever understand such bad taste, considering how Chloe is generally disliked by the rest of the class, but the point stands. She could have just told him no, even rudely if need be, and left it at that. Instead, she actively chose to humiliate the poor guy. Something similar happened with Nathaniel, whose feelings about Marinette she made public to everyone else for what seems to be entertainment value.

All in all, Season 1 Chloe has all the stereotypical makings of a popular girl from a 2010s American high school movie, including the narcissism, bullying, strong-arming school staff into not punishing these behaviors, inflated ego, and the complimentary minion! Except...Chloe isn't popular. With anyone, actually. Most of the class dislikes and barely puts up with her on a good day. They don't laugh along or jeer at whomever she's giving trouble to. Instead we have several instances where people actively try to either push the teachers into doing something or remove her from a situation where Chloe is causing problems. Think about the filming scenes in Horrificator for example. Chloe is acting like her usual self again, and refuses to allow Marinette to be the lead actress because she'll get to kiss Adrien. A tragedy, I know! Therefore, there's a whole plot to get her out of the room long enough for the scene to happen. People actively consider her at the very least a pain in the rear, and probably someone they just don't even want to talk to.

Obviously this isn't an excuse for anything she does. My point here is that from the perspective of the narrative, even while acting the part of a "Queen B", Chloe reaps none of the benefits, and in fact only serves to make people dislike her more with every episode that passes by. Even Adrien, who I'll circle back to in a second, her childhood friend who has a good opinion of her when he first comes to school, eventually stops trying to defend Chloe's behavior. There are, I think, a lot of reasons as to why she acts this way. Precisely none of them are an excuse or a "get out of jail" free card. Chloe still chooses to behave the way she does, regardless of the motivations.

About Adrien, we know that he and Chloe have known each other for a long while now. She was quite possibly his singular friend during his otherwise relatively isolating childhood, and she's very clearly attached to him. Chloe constantly clings to Adrien and drapes herself over him, and while he seems to find it annoying, there's still never a sense of disgust like with Lila in later Seasons. She's being suffocating, but there is never a connotation of romance here. Still, Chloe does everything she can to keep Adrien close to her, and (in Origins) "teach him how things are" in school. She's the one who got him signed up as a student in the first place, mind you, so she very clearly wants him to be around her. And while Chloe does brag about him being a famous model, she could just...do that without ever actually bringing Adrien out of the house? Clearly that's not the reason why she went through all the trouble to actually get him in the class, because bragging about it would probably go worse if she did it in front of him, or in an environment where Adrien could easily hear about and react to it. Chloe is very possessive of her "best friend" (and only friend, discounting Sabrina), and constantly belittles Marinette for trying to get close to him. Mind you, she doesn't find out about her feelings for Adrien until Season 3 I think. We never see Nino get bullied for befriending him, so what gives?

I'll talk about reasoning later down the line. For now, let's move onto Season 2. Amidst the beginnings of Ladybug handing out Miraculous jewels like candy to her best pals, seriously Season 4 overdid it, Chloe also exists. And during Despair Bear, Adrien finally puts his foot down about her behavior. He tells her that he can't be friends with someone who acts like a bully, and Chloe is genuinely hurt by this, to the point where she does her best to put on a good show and convince Adrien that is capable of not being an ass. Which is actually the case, believe it or not. She holds back the snides, does her best to make casual conversation with the people she considers to be inferior to her (I'll get to that, don't worry), and makes a real effort to keep at it for the sake of their friendship. The reason why she blows up here is made very obvious by the episode itself. Chloe is in unfamiliar territory and clearly reining herself in a lot, which Despair Bear pokes fun of in several back-to-back scenes. She doesn't want to do this, clearly has mutual dislike for the people she's forced to put up with every day and has made up her mind about a long time ago, for the sake of the one person she considers a genuine friend. And mind you, Chloe never uses Adrien for something. She brags about his job in Origins, and preens about their friendship often, but she never takes advantage of him like she does Sabrina. I will get to their toxic friendship in a minute, don't worry, but Chloe chooses not to try doing this with him. Adrien is...oblivious, to put it nicely, and she could easily try and play around that to serve her own goals, but she doesn't. Keep this in mind.

Anyway, she blows up because Armand (also c'mon, if you wanted to make the joke that Chloe doesn't know her butler's name, Jean "insert today's last name" was more than enough, Thomas) keeps lugging her teddy bear and playing pretend with her in a room full of people. I'm sorry, but that may be the most relatable Chloe moment in the whole show. Are you kidding me??? Of course she'd be embarrassed by this! I mean sure, her reaction to the situation is wrong, she shouldn't have screamed at him or threatened the man's job, but Chloe has serious anger management issues. That is obvious, because she acts like this every single day! Why would Armand do this??? She's already way out of her comfort zone by even hosting the party in the first place, surely there's easier ways of reminding Chloe not to be a bitch? Just tap her on the shoulder and say "miss, remember Adrien?" because that's the whole reason this is happening! The teddy bear is completely unecessary! Especially the voice acting! It made me laugh so hard when I first watched that episode but can you blame Chloe for being pissed? Again, she reacted poorly because her self control is comparable to Plagg's when there's camambert in his field of vision! So yeah, it's wrong to scream people's ears off like that, but she was also upset. And she's fourteen mind you!

Anyway, my actual point about Season 2 is that we get to see Chloe's character development. Thank Nooroo, finally a proper arc in this damn show! And we also get to see her family life. Side note, Andre Bourgeois is a spineless coward who I'll be bashing momentarily. But Chloe's mother is horrible! Audrey Bourgeois is blatantly neglectful, if not abusive to her daughter! She treats Chloe the same way Chloe treats everyone else! As disposable, expendable things that don't "deserve" her attention because they're not good enough. Like, if this doesn't give a six year old some hefty trauma along with an inferiority complex, what will??? And the situation becomes even worse as Chloe becomes incresingly desperate during Style Queen, trying again and again to please Audrey by copying her behavior (which she's been doing this whole time) even more intensly, and acting like the entitled, self-absorbed narcissist that her mother is! And this is where we see exactly why Chloe does what she does! Again, none of this excuses her actions, but it does help us understand the behavior. Audrey constantly puts Chloe down and belittles her the same way she does to Marinette...only to later pick the kid that Chloe is jealous of (I will explain this in a second!) to come with her to New York, where Audrey had presumably yeeted herself off to years ago and never bothered to come visit! We already know that she pressured her husband into giving up his love for film to stay with her, maybe even during her pregnancy or after Chloe's birth. Only to promptly vanish and leave him (a person who never grew a spine or managed to stand up to what is undoubtebly a toxic relationship) with her miniature copy. It's obvious that Chloe's barely ever seen Audrey, but she idolizes the woman because that's her mother! Heck, Adrien idolizes Emilie even if she was arguably not a great person (see here) and Chloe is always kicked to the curb for just doing the same!

Audrey is a horrible person and an even worse role model, but when you're five years old and she disappears from your life, is it any wonder that there's a steaming hot pile of mommy issues here? If Chloe has been told by Audrey from the moment she was old enough to understand words that she isn't "exceptional" enough to "deserve" her time, then isn't it obvious why Andre tries and fails to make up for this by always coddling his daughter and giving in to her every whim? He's trying to please her and give Chloe a sense of self-importance that Audrey made near-impossible to develop, and also makes up for his own absence by basically bribing his own child! Not that Andre is innocent in this! If anything, he's even more at fault than Audrey! Because while she flew off into the sunset to fire her twenty-seventh unpaid intern of the week, he was still in Paris with Chloe! Who grew up with him, mind you! And sure, he got elected into office and had a busy job as a single parent! You know what else he did? Crime! Almost everything he does in this damn show is completely illegal! Bribery, blackmail, undue termination of Roger's position as a police officer, who Andre doesn't even have juristiction over mind you (because Paris had the National Police until like 2021-ish if I recall correctly), he's just a corrupt, scummy politian whose ideas (see Megaleech) are harmful to the people he's supposed to be serving and outright motivated by greed! And also, we are explicitly told that he taught Chloe to do these same things! Andre Bourgeois is a total idiot who's probably been committing tax evasion for all we know, and Audrey is a self-absorbed diva who bullies her own child constantly, when she even bothers to go see her! Which is never, unless she needs to be in Paris for some other event related to her job!

Thomas, what the heck do you mean Chloe is evil? Lila is an accomplice to a domestic terrorist, and a psychopath against whom the only protection is the show's PG rating! If Lila could, she'd burn Marinette's house down for shits and giggles my good man! Audrey is everything I just mentioned, Andrey is a corrupt, spineless politician, Tomoe physically abuses her daughter with fucking katanas on the daily, Gabriel Agreste is that domestic terrorist who almost fired every nuclear warhear in the USA by the way! Because that was stupid of the NYC special to do! But he still did it! Plus the genocide in Shanghai! Accident or not, Hawkmoth is still responsible! And later on he also put his son in a room! A rubber room! Thankfully there weren't any rats, as if he needs another OSHA violation! Are you people insane when you say "I don't know why Chloe acts like this"? Have you lost your marbles??? Do you want me to have an aneurysm? Of course a child is going to act the way Chloe does if this is the shit she's been dealing with since Day 0 of her life! Does that make it okay? Absolutely not! But does it mean that she deserved what happened to her canonically? Also no! I'll talk about how the corruption arc could have worked at the end, because they tried and failed to do that, so let's circle back to the "jealous of Marinette" thing from a minute ago, kay?

Note: We're doing this in part 2 because this is closing in on 3k words already. The whole rant is done, no you don't want to know how long it is, I'm just splitting it because nobody will ever read 7.5k words worth of anything on Tumblr dot com.

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cha-melodius · 1 year ago

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oh man, okay, so, firstprince, Harrod's food hall

(In which I take Henry's canonical skill at recommending cheese to its logical extreme. This got longer than I intended because I kept waxing rhapsodical about cheese [only half joking]. I hope it lives up to your wildest dreams!)

chamel’s fandom fest info | read all the fics

Will You Brie Mine?

(firstprince, 5.8k, T; read it below or on AO3)

“Ah, Alex,” he says with a soft, fond smile curving his lips and crinkles at the corners of his blue eyes, like he’s pleased to see him.

Alex pointedly ignores the way that something in his stomach swoops.

“We have a new Manchego in this week that I think you’ll love,” Henry continues.

Right. Henry’s pleased to see him because Alex is his best customer. Alex assumes so, anyway. Surely no one else buys this much cheese on a weekly basis.

He hadn’t meant to start this little routine. June had been telling him since he moved to London that he had to go to Harrods and visit the food hall, so he’d gone just to be able to shut her up about it. And sure, it’d been reasonably impressive and he’d gotten some tasty stuff out of the trip, but he probably wouldn’t have been back if he hadn’t wandered by the cheese counter and caught sight of the most beautiful man he’s ever seen standing behind it. Alex hadn’t really spent much time contemplating his sexuality until he was suddenly confronted with floppy golden hair, ridiculously full lips, the finest cheekbones he’s ever seen, and broad shoulders only emphasized by the contrast of the green apron tied snugly around his narrow waist.

(It had still taken him several weeks of visits to the cheese counter before he realized why he was so drawn there, and a few more to come to terms with the fact that he really, really wanted to kiss the man behind it.)

Unfortunately, he’d been caught staring and had to play it off like he was particularly interested in cheese. He likes cheese, don’t get him wrong, but he never really thought too hard about it. Now he’s in pretty much every week to see Henry and has learned more about cheddar and brie and gruyere than he ever wanted to know. His fridge is always full. He brings cheese plates to pretty much every gathering he’s invited to. It’s kind of becoming a problem.

He hasn’t stopped visiting, though.

Today, as Henry tells him all about the Manchego, Alex tries his best to listen and not fixate on the mole next to the corner of Henry’s mouth or the way his shoulders strain the seams of his white uniform shirt. It’s not a particularly easy task for him, in all honesty.

“Would you care for a sample?” Henry asks, as if Alex has ever said no to him.

“I’d love one,” Alex tells him instead of saying I’d like to sample you.

The Manchego is quite good. Alex buys a chunk and takes it home, along with a baguette and a bottle of wine that Henry recommended to go along with it, then stands in front of his refrigerator and contemplates how absurdly pathetic he is.

Maybe he should make fondue for dinner.

~~~~~

“I don’t get why you don’t just ask him out?” Nora says as they weave their way through the various food hall areas. They’ve already purchased several pastries and a pile of chocolates, though Alex wouldn’t let them visit the wine shop until they’d seen Henry.

If Alex had his druthers they wouldn’t be here at all, but Nora is visiting for a job interview and pretty much demanded that Alex take her to see ‘the hot cheesemonger’ that he’s been talking constantly about for the last six months. (He hasn’t. She’s grossly exaggerating.)

“He’s in the service industry, Nora,” Alex argues. “Being hit on by customers is the worst. You get put on the spot and you have to smile and act all polite while you’re trapped because you’re at your job? I’m not going to do that to him.”

She pops a chocolate truffle into her mouth and chews thoughtfully. “Mm. You could casually ask when his shift ends and bump into him.”

Alex shoots an exasperated look her way. “That’s not better.”

“Oh, but accumulating the world’s finest collection of cheese in your one-bedroom apartment just so you can see him is a completely reasonable course of action.”

That, he doesn’t deign to dignify with an answer. Anyway, they’re nearing the cheese counter, which means they’re definitely done discussing this. He spots Henry immediately, looking unfairly adorable in his little green hat as he helps an elderly lady pick out some munster, and browses the display cases behind the counter as they wait. The fact that the other employee at the cheese counter doesn’t even bother trying to help him probably says something.

Eventually Henry finishes and turns toward them, though his smile falters slightly when he sees Nora. Weird. Probably Alex is just imagining things, because a moment later it’s back to normal.

“Hullo Alex,” he says, and Alex’s stomach does that swoopy thing at his name on Henry’s tongue, same as it does every week. “You’re early this week.”

Alex ignores the pointed look that he can feel Nora giving him. “Nora is visiting and wanted the ‘whole experience’,” he explains, gesturing with a sideways nod of his head toward her. “We’ve already hit the bakery and chocolate shop. Saved the best for last.”

Henry’s smile widens, and he ducks his head slightly before he looks back up. “Not actually last, though.”

“I mean, obviously Eric over at the wine shop is the best.”

“Of course,” Henry says solemnly. “Good to know where I stand.”

“You know me, always here to put you in your place,” Alex returns. Next to him, Nora loudly clears her throat and gives him a pointed look, and he has to bite back the too-revealing grinning on his face. “Right. Nora, this is Henry. Henry, Nora.”

“Hi,” she says, smiling in a way that makes Alex nervous. “Pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Nora.”

Henry looks bemused by this information, his eyebrows arcing skyward as he glances over at Alex. “Really?”

“Ignore her,” Alex tells him.

“I’ve heard a lot about your cheese, then,” she revises, eyes sparkling with pure mischief.

“She doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” Alex says. He can feel his fucking cheeks getting hot and prays it’s not noticeable. “Whatcha got this week?”

“Ah, a new one arrived that I think you’ll get a kick out of. Tête de Moine.”

Alex furrows his brow. “Tête…”

“… de Moine,” Henry repeats. “It means ‘monk’s head’.”

“Of course it does.”

Henry huffs a soft laugh. “It’s from Switzerland. This one’s aged four months, and it’s very full-bodied, with an earthy nuttiness to it. The real trick is in the serving though.”

“Oh?” Alex prompts. He has to admit, he could fucking listen to Henry talk about cheese all day. It’s not really the cheese, though; it’s how passionate and animated he gets, sometimes downright rapturous. It’s the spark in his eye and the confidence with which he speaks and the sheer depth of his knowledge.

Behind the counter, Henry holds up a finger to indicate they should wait a moment, then sets about retrieving a small wheel of cheese already set up on some kind of circular contraption. There’s a post sticking through the center of the wheel with a small blade radiating out toward the edge, which has a handle that Henry grabs. In one slow, smooth motion, he spins the blade around the top of the cheese wheel, and a delicate little rosette of cheese appears. Then he pinches it carefully by the base and holds it out over the counter toward Alex. It looks for all the world like he’s handing Alex a flower.

“Like this, it melts in your mouth,” Henry says, and Alex barely manages to avoid swallowing his tongue.

Their fingers brush as Alex takes the little cheese rosette from him, and Alex feels a little frisson of electricity even though Henry’s wearing gloves. Henry watches him expectantly as he sticks the whole damned thing in his mouth—because what else is he going to do with it?—and oh. Wow, that’s really something. It does melt in his mouth and it’s a little funky but not too much?

Henry’s cheese recommendations truly never miss.

“That’s fucking amazing,” he says once he’s finally swallowed it. “And it has to be served like that?”

“The only way to eat it,” Henry confirms. Then he turns his smile toward Nora. “Would you like to try it?”

“Sure,” Nora agrees, and as soon as Henry’s attention is diverted toward the cheese again she kicks Alex in the shin.

He gives her a what the fuck was that? look, and she in turn replies with some significant eyebrow raising and head tilting toward Henry, like he’s supposed to know what she’s on about. A moment later, she schools her expression back to normal as Henry reaches out to hand her a rosette, which she polishes off in about two seconds flat.

“Yeah, it’s good,” she says in her typical understated manner.

Whatever. Alex knows an exceptional cheese when he eats it. “So how do you sell it, then?” he asks Henry.

“Well, you can buy the whole wheel and the girolle to go with it, but I assume you’re not particularly interested in acquiring specialized cheese equipment,” Henry says. Honestly, Alex would probably let himself be talked into it, if Henry was doing the talking. This is definitely becoming a problem. “But I can shave you a collection of rosettes if you think you’ll eat them within a day or two.”

“A bouquet, then?” Alex jokes.

Henry’s cheeks go slightly pink, and Nora kicks him again. Alex ignores her.

“I suppose so,” Henry says.

“All right then. And the wine?”

“A full-bodied variety, like Bordeaux or Côtes du Rhône.”

“Perfect,” Alex says. “I have one at home, so I won’t even need to visit Eric.”

Henry’s lips quirk upward. “A shame to miss out on the best stop.”

“Did I, though?” Alex asks, scrunching up the side of his face in fake thoughtfulness.

It makes Henry laugh, which is pretty much everything.

He can’t even be annoyed that Henry pretty much ignores him to ask Nora about her visit as he works on the rosettes. Then he catches himself thinking that it’s kind of sweet that Henry’s making sure she’s included, before realizing that it’s his job to chat with the customers.

Jesus, Alex is hopeless.

“He’s nice,” Nora says once they’re done and have walked far enough away. Alex wasn’t looking for her approval, especially since probably nothing will ever happen, but still. He trusts her judgment. It feels good. “Also he totally wants to dick you down.”

“Nora,” Alex hisses, eyes going wide as he looks around to make sure no one heard her.

“And you obviously want him to, so.”

“How could you possibly know that after ten minutes?”

“Besides the fact that the entire time it looked like you wanted to eat him instead of the cheese?”

Alex huffs in frustration. “I meant about what he wants.”

Nora stops walking in the middle of an aisle between counters, and Alex drags her to the side so they don’t get mowed down. “Alejandro. Babe,” she says flatly. “The look on his face as he watched you eat that cheese was nothing short of pornographic.”

“You’re imagining things,” Alex scoffs.

“He. Wants. You,” she repeats firmly. “Ask him out. He’s not gonna say no, I promise. Ninety-six percent.”

Alex bites his lip. “Ninety-six?”

~~~~~

Nora’s numbers should be reassuring. Instead, Alex is freaking out. Ok, maybe he wants Henry, and maybe Henry wants him, but he’s never dated a dude before. He’s done precisely nothing with his bisexual revelation, partly because he’s always swamped with work and partly because he doesn’t want to go hook up with random guys. It’s not like he hasn’t kissed a guy before; he flat out made out with Liam back in high school, and it was nice but he still managed to come out of it thinking he was straight, so. That doesn’t inspire much confidence. The idea of kissing another man now makes him weirdly nervous because if he does and if the same thing happens—worse, if he kisses Henry and it doesn’t do anything for him—then he loses all of this. He likes what they have now. He still doesn’t know a lot of people in London outside his office. As ridiculous as it sounds, the cheese counter feels like a lifeline he can’t afford to let go of.

It’s probably better if they just stay friends. Acquaintances. Whatever the fuck they are.

Anyway, Nora is probably wrong. She couldn’t possibly be that certain after watching them interact for ten minutes. He holds firm to this (misguided) belief right up until he makes his weekly trip to Harrods and Henry positively lights up when he sees Alex approaching.

“Oh good, you’re here,” Henry says, not even bothering with a greeting as he immediately goes into the case to fetch something.

“Hello to you too,” Alex says with a lopsided smile.

“Yes, hello,” Henry huffs, “now come here and close your eyes.”

What.

Henry’s not even looking at him, he’s too focused on the cheese in front of him, and Alex has no fucking clue what to make of any of it.

“Uh, Henry? Is this some kind of new thing y’all are doing?”

Henry smirks at him. “Only for mouthy Americans. Are you coming?”

Jesus’ tits. Alex looks around, but not a single person in the bustling food hall is paying attention to them. Henry appears to be by himself at the counter today. With a deep breath, Alex braces himself for whatever’s about to happen and steps up closer to the counter.

“Now close your eyes and open your mouth,” Henry tells him, which is more or less what he expected, but still. Those words, in that voice. It’s a fucking lot.

“Henry, what—”

“Come on, after all this time, don’t you trust me?” Henry teases.

Well, when he puts it like that.

So Alex closes his eyes and opens his mouth, and a moment later a small morsel of cheese is deposited on his tongue—via toothpick, he realizes as he closes his lips around it, and not Henry’s fingers. Thank god, honestly. Fortunately, the flavor of the cheese completely distracts him from how insane all of this is, because wow. It’s hard and a bit crumbly, salty with a tang and kick of smoky, fruity spice that builds on his tongue. There are peppers involved, chiles like he has rarely tasted since he moved here, and the flavor of them just about punch him in the gut with the flavor of home.

He opens his eyes and finds Henry watching him raptly. That’s a lot, too.

“It’s unbelievable,” Alex says honestly. “What is it?”

“Queso de cincho enchilado,” Henry answers, with passable Spanish pronunciation. “Imported specially from Guerrero.”

“What?”

“I did some research and found out one of our suppliers had a contact in Mexico,” Henry explains. “And, well, you’re always complaining how it’s nearly impossible to get Mexican ingredients here, so I thought you might like it.”

Alex’s throat feels like it’s closing up around the emotion that’s trying to choke him. “You ordered it… for me?”

“If any of our customers deserve a special order, it’s you, Alex,” Henry says, a small, soft smile curving his lips.

“Oh,” Alex says.

His brain is spinning endlessly, like a gear never quite able to make contact with the next one. He needs something to make sense of this. He needs… a list.

1. Henry went out of his way to order something for him. 2. Henry saw a chance to bring Alex something that means something to him and made it happen. 3. Henry chose not just any Mexican cheese, but something special, something he wouldn’t get anywhere else. 4. Henry cares enough to know him.

Fuck.

With a truly heroic effort, he manages to paste on a smile, shoving the rest of it deep down where he will decidedly not inspect it later. “Well, thank you. It’s amazing. Honestly, I don’t know what to say.”

“That has to be a first,” Henry quips, and Alex protests with a ‘Hey!’ and a laugh, because the only other alternative is having a breakdown in Harrods about cheese.

They fall into something like their regular banter after that, and all of this is fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.

It’s totally fine.

~~~~~

The queso de cincho enchilado haunts him. Quite literally, since he bought a large quantity of it and every time he looks in his fridge he’s reminded of what Henry did for him. It feels like a lot. It feels like maybe too much.

Maybe Alex needs to take a step back before he goes spinning out of control and fucks something up, badly.

For the first time in a while, he doesn’t visit the food halls that week, or the next. He’s got a crazy case on his plate at work and can’t afford to spare the time anyway. It’s fine. Henry probably won’t even notice he’s not there.

Then, a couple of days after the day he usually visits, he’s in the middle of a long, brutal run through Hyde Park to try to clear his head when he nearly collides with someone in a wool peacoat and a Burberry scarf.

“Jesus fuck, asshole, watch where you’re—”

Alex cuts off because, when he finally regains his balance and turns toward the person, he looks up into a pair of startlingly familiar blue eyes.

“Alex?”

“Henry,” Alex exhales. He suddenly feels much more out of breath than he did a second ago.

Alex would try to claim that he almost doesn’t recognize him out of his uniform, but that would be a lie. He’d know that face anywhere. Those eyes, those cheekbones, those lips curled into a small, pleased smile. He’s bundled up against the February chill, but he still looks effortlessly put together in a way that makes Alex starkly aware of how sweaty and bedraggled he is in comparison. Alex is so overwhelmed by seeing Henry here, outside the safe realm of the Harrods food hall, that he almost completely misses the beagle sitting, well-behaved, at his feet.

“You’ve got a dog,” he manages. He feels strangely unmoored by the situation.

“That I do,” Henry says with a little chuckle. “This is David.”

Alex doesn’t mean to make a face, but it happens. “Weird name for a dog.”

“It’s after Bowie,” Henry tells him.

“Oh, well. That’s cool.”

A beat of silence stretches between them. Fuck, this is awkward. It’s never this awkward when there’s a case full of cheese between them.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your run,” Henry ventures.

“No, it’s fine. You just surprised me.”

“So you usually berate innocent pedestrians while you’re running, then?”

His teasing surprises a laugh out of Alex. “Fuck off with ‘innocent’, you stepped into my path.”

“Well, yes,” Henry admits. “And I do apologize for that. David was very excited about a squirrel.”

“Oh, blame it on your dog, real smooth,” Alex says, grinning, and Henry laughs. Alex makes a motion toward the beagle. “Can I pet him?”

“I’m sure he’d enjoy that,” Henry says.

Alex squats down in front of David and holds out his hand for him to sniff, which David does and then proceeds to immediately tuck his nose under Alex’s hand and nudge it up onto his head. He’s utterly adorable, and Alex spends several minutes scratching behind his ears and feeling some of the remaining tension bleed out of him—dogs really are magic—before Henry speaks again.

“We missed you at the cheese counter the past couple of weeks,” he says lightly. We, like any of the other employees there care about whether Alex comes in. He’s probably just that weird guy with the cheese addiction to them. He can appreciate why Henry would put it that way, though.

With one last pat, Alex stands again and pushes a hand back through his hair before remembering how gross it is. “Yeah, I got slammed at work,” he says. It’s mostly not a lie. He doesn’t actually need to explain why he wasn’t there, except he feels oddly compelled to. He quirks his lips into a sardonic smile. “Sorry, I know I’m probably a substantial part of your monthly sales quota.”

Henry laughs softly. “You are,” he confirms, a teasing glint in his eye. Then his expression goes more serious. “But that’s not why I was concerned.”

Oh. Henry was worried about him.

“Well, I’ll be back this week,” Alex promises.

“That’s good to hear,” Henry says, and when he smiles his eyes crinkle at the corners. “I should let you go before you catch a chill out here.”

Alex doesn’t want Henry to let him go, although yes, he’s getting really fucking cold in his thin exercise gear now that he’s not moving anymore. He thinks maybe if he wasn’t completely disgusting and exhausted he might ask Henry if he wanted to go get a cup of coffee. Or tea, whatever (he knows, in fact, that Henry’s a tea drinker). It’d be low stakes, friends get coffee all the time, and he could feel things out a bit more. Asking if he wants to get together some other time feels more intentional. Like a date.

They’re not at the shop. Alex could just ask.

“Yeah, ok,” he says instead. “It was good to bump into you, man.”

For some reason Henry’s smile seems to go a little tight at the edges. “It was. I’ll see you soon, Alex.”

~~~~~

It doesn’t occur to Alex until he’s standing in the shower later that he could have asked for Henry’s number at the very least. Now who knows when he might run into Henry again. Maybe he could just haunt Hyde Park during the same time frame and hope that he runs into Henry walking David again. Maybe he should just take Nora’s suggestion to ask him when his shift ends and meet him then.

He’s still contemplating his options when he visits the cheese counter that week. It’s oddly busy for some reason, and he waits a while for Henry to be free. Unfortunately that also means that they’re not going to have as much time as usual to chat, which is quite honestly the whole reason he visits. He’s just wondering if maybe he should come back later when Henry appears in front of him, clearly tired and worn around the edges but no less beautiful for it.

“You guys are hoppin’ today,” Alex says, glancing around.

“Yes, well, lots of romantic cheese plates to sell, I suppose,” Henry sighs.

Alex frowns in confusion. “What?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow?”

“Right, yeah, I totally remembered that,” Alex says, shaking his head as he bites his lip. “Shows you where my head’s been.”

“I hope for your girlfriend’s sake that that’s not actually true,” Henry points out, and now Alex is confused again.

“Girlfriend?”

Henry frowns back at him. “Nora?”

Alex chokes out a surprised laugh. “Oh, Nora’s not my girlfriend. I mean, we dated a while ago, but now we’re just friends. She’s dating my sister actually.” Henry’s eyebrows shoot up. “Don’t ask. Anyway, that’s why she’s trying to move to London—her and my sister, actually—because June feels a need to watch over me or something, I guess. It’ll be good to have them here, though.”

“Oh. That’s nice,” Henry says. “Sorry for assuming, you just talk about her quite a bit.”

“God, don’t tell her that,” Alex groans.

“So no girlfriend, then?” Henry asks casually, or it would be casual if he weren’t avoiding Alex’s eyes and fidgeting with some kind of cheese.

Alex swallows and licks his lips. “Nope. No boyfriend either. I’ll just be hanging out with James Bond tomorrow, I guess.”

“What?” Henry asks sharply, for reasons that are beyond Alex.

“I dunno, Bond movie marathon sounds like a good way to spend Valentine’s Day alone.”

“Right, of course,” Henry says with a tight smile. No explanation for the weird reaction is forthcoming, so Alex shrugs it off. “Our special cheese this week might be kind of moot, then.”

“Why’s that?” Alex asks.

Henry turns away to grab something, and when he turns back he’s holding up what looks like some kind of heart-shaped brie. “Neufchatel,” he says. “From Normandy.”

“The heart shape seems a little gimmicky for the Harrods cheese counter.”

“Ah, but it’s not actually a gimmick. The shape goes back to the Hundred Years’ War,” Henry explains. “The English occupied the region, and the story goes that the French dairy maids who fell for their occupiers gave them as gifts to the Englishmen.”

“Ok, now it makes sense,” Alex laughs. “Of course y’all would sell something that commemorates the people you tried to conquer falling in love with you.”

“I didn’t say it was an admirable story,” Henry protests, flushing a delightful pink. “It is a wonderful cheese, though.”

“Well?” Alex prompts. “You gonna give me a sample of your occupier cheese?”

Henry laughs and shakes his head, but he cuts Alex off a chunk and passes it over the counter. It actually is delicious, ridiculously creamy and velvety on his tongue. It’s also the kind of cheese that’s probably not something you’re going to eat alone, since he doubts it will keep well after it’s been cut into, but…

Alex has to admit, he’s kind into the symbolism of Henry giving him this particular cheese. Not that Henry is giving it to him, Alex is buying it, not to mention that Henry has probably sold a hundred of these heart-shaped cheeses today, but still.

“Yeah, ok, it’s really good,” Alex says, like it pains him to admit it. “I’ll take one.”

Henry blinks at him. “Really?”

“For my date with James Bond.”

A kind of weird look passes over Henry’s face again, but it’s gone as quickly as it had come. “All right,” he says. “I’ll get that wrapped up for you.”

Alex watches Henry package up the cheese, which means he absolutely sees Henry pick up a pen and write something on the inside of the butcher paper that he wraps around it. But Henry also gives no hint as to what it could be as he hands over the cheese and rings Alex up at the cash register. As expected, he doesn’t really have time to linger; there are more customers waiting to be served, so Alex takes his purchase and heads home, the small package burning a hole in his pocket. He can’t very well unwrap a soft cheese in the middle of the London streets or on the tube or something, so whatever Henry wrote remains a mystery until he gets into his kitchen and nearly tears the paper off.

It’s a phone number. Henry’s phone number.

Alex checks the time, and by now it’s after the food hall counters close. With slightly shaky hands, he types the number into his phone and presses call.

“Hullo?” a familiar voice answers, slightly distorted over the line.

“Henry,” Alex breathes. He just saw Henry less than an hour ago, and yet still the sound of his voice sets every one of Alex’s nerve endings on fire. “Um. It’s Alex.”

“Ah. You got my message, I see.”

“I did,” he confirms. A little puff of disbelieving laughter escapes him. “Leaving your number on the inside of a cheese wrapper? Really?”

Henry laughs softly. “I suppose I got tired of waiting for you to ask me for it.”

“Why didn’t you just ask me for mine?”

“If I did, it would have to be for some kind of special order purposes,” Henry tells him. “And I couldn’t use it for personal reasons. It’s against company policy.”

“Oh,” Alex says. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” He takes a deep breath. “I wanted to.”

“Wanted to what?”

“Ask you. For your number. Or… on a date.”

He hears Henry exhale, and then, with immense fondness, he says, “You certainly took your time.”

“Fuck off,” Alex says automatically. Something thrums under his skin at Henry’s answering laughter. “I didn’t want to fuck it up,” he confesses.

“You didn’t,” Henry says softly. “You won’t.”

“How can you possibly know that?”

“After six months, I think I know you at least that well, Alex.”

And yeah, Henry does.

“So, uh,” Alex starts, not even knowing where he’s headed with this until the words are coming out of his mouth, “Turns out I’ve got this really romantic cheese that probably shouldn’t be eaten alone.”

“I can confirm it’s better shared.” He can hear the smile in Henry’s voice.

“So you could come over, if you wanted. To my place. Tomorrow? I’ll make dinner. Not just cheese.”

“I’d love to,” Henry says, his voice full of something that fills Alex to the brim with warmth. “I can bring wine?”

Shoot. In his rush to get home, Alex forgot about the wine. So really—

“That’s perfect, baby.”

Alex feels the noise Henry makes over the phone in his toes.

~~~~~

Whatever possessed him to make their first date on Valentine’s Day at his own apartment and to volunteer to cook dinner, Alex is sure he doesn’t know. They could have gone for coffee. They could have gone out to dinner a few days later, or something reasonable that didn’t involve Alex fretting over last minute menu plans and laboring over the stove for hours. He considers something from his Mexican wheelhouse before deciding that sourcing ingredients at this point would be nearly impossible, and in the end he takes inspiration from the Neufchatel and goes French. Coq au vin, potatoes, haricot vert, crusty bread that he picks up from the French bakery down the road. For dessert, though, he dips into his precious supply of dried chiles that his abuela sent him and whips up the batter for a spiced chocolate lava cake that will bake while they’re eating dinner.

So, you know. Nothing fancy.

Henry shows up right on time with a bottle of wine to pair with the cheese and another for dinner, which he’d chosen after wheedling tonight’s menu out of Alex via text earlier. He’s utterly stunning in a blue sweater that looks ridiculously soft, and Alex desperately wants to touch it. Or maybe he just desperately wants to touch Henry.

He doesn’t, though. He greets Henry at the door, and they do the slightly awkward dance of knowing this is a date and knowing each other pretty well, but not knowing exactly what they are to each other yet. Are they on hugging terms? Kissing? Alex sidesteps the question entirely by taking the wine from Henry’s hands and leading the way back into the kitchen.

It’s blissfully not awkward after that, though. The conversation flows easily as Alex finishes up the last bits of dinner. They drink wine and eat heart-shaped cheese and Henry drops light touches on Alex’s hip or his arm or his lower back as they maneuver around each other in the small space. He’s suitably impressed by Alex’s cooking and isn’t shy with his praise, which warms Alex to the core.

It is, all in all, probably the best date Alex has ever had, and by the time they retire to the living room couch after dessert he feels like he’s going to vibrate right out of his skin with anticipation. Something of it must show on his face, because Henry gives him a gentle smile that is clearly intended to put him at ease as he relaxes into the couch, his body angled toward Alex and his wine glass dangling loosely from his fingers.

“I’ve had a lovely time tonight,” he says, nudging a knee up against Alex’s.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Alex replies honestly, putting all of it into the smile he returns. “Me too.” Then he pauses, steeling himself, and Henry must sense it because he just waits. “There’s something you should know,” he says eventually. “I’ve never done this before.”

“Done what?”

“Dated a guy.”

Henry’s expression is maddeningly neutral. “But you want to.”

“I didn’t do all of this because I don’t want to kiss you,” Alex retorts. That, at least, brings a pleased smile to Henry’s face. “I just… this isn’t some experiment for me, but some things are going to be a little novel.”

Henry nods and sets his wine glass on the coffee table, then shifts on the couch closer to Alex. He slides one hand onto Alex’s thigh just above the knee, and the other he reaches up to the side of Alex’s face, gently cupping his jaw. “We can take things as slow as you like.”

Alex leans in, inhales the scent of Henry’s cologne. “And if I’m not interested in taking it slow?”

“I can’t say I’d complain,” Henry answers with a soft puff of laughter.

His eyes drop to Henry’s full, wine-stained lips, to the mole at the corner of his mouth, to the other one at the edge of his jaw. They both sway closer, until the tips of their noses nearly brush.

“I have another confession,” Alex says abruptly, and Henry lets out a fondly exasperated sigh as he pulls back again and looks at him expectantly. “I’m not really that into cheese. Or, I wasn’t, I guess. I only really visited to see you.”

“I know,” Henry says, biting back a smile.

“What do you mean, you know?!” Alex demands.

“I mean, it was clear that you didn’t actually know much about cheese, and though you seemed interested, you never really struck me as a connoisseur,” Henry tells him. He takes a deep breath and lets it out again. “That’s why I always hoped, even when I thought you had a girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Alex breathes. “So you wanted me…?”

“Christ, from the first time you stopped at my counter, Alex. Now will you please kiss me—”

Alex leans in and presses his lips to Henry’s, and it’s everything he could have imagined and more. Henry’s lips are plush and soft under his, and he tastes like red wine and chocolate and chiles, and Alex already never wants it to end. Kissing Henry is new in the best way—from the way Henry’s end-of-the-day stubble scratches against his own, to the strong hands in his hair, to the sensation of the hard planes of Henry’s waist under his palms—but at the same time there’s something achingly familiar about it. Like coming home.

The more they kiss, the more he realizes that there’s something else that’s different about this kiss: it feels, unmistakably, like the last first kiss he’s ever going to have.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #rwrb fic #rwrb fanfic #firstprince fic #firstprince fanfic #chamel's fandom fest #my fic

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chronological-knight · 2 days ago

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Like A Weighted Blanket

Fandom: Hermitcraft

Word count: 669

Content warnings: Character losing time (it's played for comedy and caused by Magic Reasons, but I figured I should warn just in case)

Misc: Truth be told I've had this written for months by this point and just never bothered to post it, but I like it and figured hey why not! Plus all my other fics are between 5 and 75% percent done and I really just wanna post something already. Might put it on ao3 later who knows.

][][][][][

“And it just keeps happening! I keep losing time when I’m in this place, I come in for half an hour and when I go back out again it's feakin’ 3 AM! I can’t be awake at 3 AM! I have a reputation to uphold!”

Joe looks around the place critically while Bdubs is talking: It’s a small, beautifully decorated cottage with Bdubs' signature building style written all over it. The walls are an expertly crafted gradient including everything from andesite to dead coral, the furniture is neat but detailed, and it all has a wonderful character and atmosphere to it.

It is also, most definitely, a Temporal Zone.

The weight of Time usually lays heavy on Joe's shoulders, like a familiar weighted blanket wrapped around him. It’s a comforting constant in his life, reminding him that no matter what he or anyone else does, Time still goes on. Stepping into this house is like tripping on a sharp stone and hearing the blanket tear, right down the middle. It’s still there, of course — you can never really escape Time — but now the weight is distributed unevenly, and it hangs half on and half off your back, dragging on the floor collecting dirt. It’s unnerving. It’s uncomfortable.

He tunes back into the world and realises that Bdubs is still talking. “—I went to X about it cause I thought, well it's a problem with the code right? so he can fix it! But he told me to see you for some reason so— Here! Fix it so I can sleep again!”

Joe does another spin around the room, just for good measure, and asks, “How long since you spoke to X about it?”

Bdubs grunts in that way he does when he's being overdramatica on purpose. “For me or for you?”

“Either.”

“Well for YOU it's been about a week, but for ME it happened two hours ago.”

Joe nods along, only half paying attention to what Bdubs is saying. In truth, he already knows what's happened; it's hard not to feel the frayed edges of Time against his mind. He knows what he has to do, so he goes towards where the tear is widest — near a window by happenstance — and sits down on the floor in one quick motion.

As Joe starts rummaging through his inventory, Bdubs keeps talking.

“What are you gonna do about it, anyway? I didn't think you were any good with code.”

“Oh, I don't touch that stuff. It clashes with my nature.”

Ignoring Bdubs’ confused stare, Joe pulls a needle and thread out from the fabric between space, carefully avoiding the fabric between Time as he does so. Best to not get those two mixed up, in his experience.

Bdubs is apparently still having trouble grasping the situation, because his eyes get somehow even wider and he asks, “What the heck, are you sewing?! The fabric of spacetime is warping around my house and you’re sewing?!”

“Fabric of Time,” Joe says.

“Huh?”

“The fabric of Time is warping around your house, no space. And actually, it's always warping around everything. What's happening now is more like the fabric of Time is tearing around your house in particular. It's very uncomfortable.”

Joe takes the threaded needle and closes his eyes, reaching, this time, for the fabric between Time. He feels around until he catches the edge of the tear, and then holds firm.

“You might want to leave for this bit, by the way. It gets a little weird.”

With his eyes closed, Joe can't see Bdubs' expression. But he can hear the exasperation in his voice regardless.

“You know what, sure! Fine! I'll see you in half an hour, and that half an hour better actually be half an hour this time, and— and not five minutes, or a month, or, or yesterday! Got it?”

And with that, Bdubs stomps out of his house, grumbling all the way down the hill.

Joe chuckles fondly, pierces through the fabric of Time, and pulls.

#joe hills #bdubs #hermitfic #hermitcraft #hermitblr #mcytblr #fic_final #< new fic tag? maybe #i need to organise my tagging system #okay mini rant time. ALL MY TMNT FICS ARE KICKING MY ASS. ITS ACTUALLY BAD #I'VE GOT LIKE SEVEN DIFFERENT ONES GOING AND I LIKE ALL OF THEM BUT NONE OF THEM LIKE ME #I WANT TO POST MORE OF MY WRITING! I AM SINCERELY WORKING ON IT!! PLEASE DO NOT THINK I AM NOT WORKING ON IT BECAUSE I AM!!!#gods and SAINTS. okay. hope you liked this shortfic hope i see you soon with another less short fic

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oliviaischillin1204 · 3 months ago

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tickletober day 12- "mischief"

word count: 1,094 words

another fandom i've never written for before!! i LOVE mlp (fim specifically, i haven't watched any other version) and i have a few more ideas for fics bc i absolutely adore the characters and relationships in this show. hope u enjoy!!

Rainbow Dash was trying to be a good friend, she really was! And out of all her friends, Fluttershy was definitely her best one. So she wanted to be extra super duper good to her. But come on, they were at flying camp! There was so much to explore, and Rainbow Dash really wanted to get a headstart on the new flight manuevre they were practicing tomorrow. But all Fluttershy wanted to do was... was nothing!

"Come on, Fluttershy," she groaned. She paced back and forth impatiently on the cloud in front of her friend, where the two were hanging out after class. "Can we please go fly for just five minutes?"

"The teachers said it was going to get windy, Rainbow Dash," Fluttershy said, biting her lip. "And they told us not to practice when it was too windy."

"We're pegasi," Rainbow said in exasperation. "We're supposed to learn how to fly when its windy!"

"But we just started learning! And I don't want us to get lost, or get hurt, or get in trouble..." She trailed off, but to Rainbow's surprise she held her ground. "I'm not going out, and I don't think you should either."

A beat. Then Rainbow Dash sighed dramatically before flopping down next to Fluttershy, rubbing her face on the soft cloud.

"Fine," she said. "Guess we'll just stay here and do nothing."

"Aw, come on, Dashy," Fluttershy said sympathetically. "There's other stuff to do besides flying! We can tell stories, or play the quiet game--"

"The quiet game isn't even a game!" Rainbow Dash whined.

"It can be!" Fluttershy insisted. Rainbow shut her eyes and sighed again; if she'd been looking up she might've noticed the little glimmer in Fluttershy's eyes. "Here, let's play."

Rainbow Dash felt herself pout. She could be quiet. She could be the quietest ever. Not that that was much fun at all, but--

Suddenly there was a purposeful nudge against her side, wiggling into her flank and sending Rainbow shooting upwards with a scream.

"Hey!" She flew on instinct, circling around the in the air like she was trying to chase the tingles away, before moving to hover suspiciously above Fluttershy. "What the heck was that?"

Fluttershy didn't answer her question; instead she looked up with a smile just this side of cheeky. "You lost."

A beat, and Rainbow's jaw dropped. "What? That was totally cheating!"

"Well, you said the quiet game wasn't enough of a game for you," she replied, "so I decided to make it harder! But if you think it's too hard..."

It was bait, and Rainbow Dash knew it, but it didn't stop her from puffing her chest out. "No way! I just wasn't ready-- I can stay quiet, no problem!"

"Oh, good!" Fluttershy replied. "Come back down here and we'll do it again."

Her voice was all innocent, but it still made Rainbow Dash nervous. But she said she could do it, and now she had no choice-- she eased back down to the cloud next to Fluttershy.

"Ready?" Fluttershy asked, and Rainbow Dash barely even had time to answer before she leaned down to nuzzle her nose against Rainbow's side. She jerked to the side on instinct, but she didn't break. She could do this!

But Fluttershy was determined-- she nuzzled harder, wiggling her nose from side to side and letting her long pink hair brush against Rainbow's underbelly. Rainbow tried to shift away, but she was suddenly met with a fluttery feeling on her other side. Fluttershy's wing! It was stretched over her as far as it could reach, and her delicate feathers were tracing all over the side Rainbow thought would be safe from tickles.

Rainbow remembered that Fluttershy had a brother, which must be why the shy was suddenly so good at being mischievous. She could feel her face twisted, biting hard on the inside of her cheek, but the trembling twitchy feeling in her tummy wouldn't go away.

"Oh, you're very good at this, Dashy!" Fluttershy said. She pulled away, and Rainbow took the chance to take a few deep breaths. She almost said something taunting in return, before remembering that she had to be quiet, duh!

Suddenly her knees buckled, and she had to choke back the gasp that almost escaped her mouth. Fluttershy had moved behind her when Rainbow was distracted, and without any warning she'd reared back on her hind legs to wrap her forelegs around Rainbow's body, her hooves pressing and wiggling blindly over Rainbow's tummy. Rainbow barely kept back a whine as she shifted from hoof to hoof. Oh man, that tickled!

"You've got this, Rainbow Dash!" Fluttershy cheered, like she wasn't the one tickling Rainbow at this very second. Again her hair draped down, sending itchy tingles across Rainbow's skin, and she stamped her feet trying to ignored the tickly feeling. Even Fluttershy's breath on her back sent sparky tickles up her neck.

"Mmmmmmmm-hmmmm!"

It took everything in her power to keep from laughing right now. Rainbow suddenly realized with a start that they never said how long she had to be quiet for-- was Fluttershy just gonna keep going until she laughed? Was it even possible for her to win?

But before she could even try to start a fight about that, Fluttershy's wings curled around her once again, fluttering and tracing and dancing all over Rainbow's sides, her tummy, her neck--

"Ahhhhhahahahahaha!"

That was all Rainbow Dash could do before she collapsed to the ground, rolling to the side and launching Fluttershy back onto the cloud next to her. She landed with a small 'oomph' that Rainbow Dash couldn't even hear over her own giggles.

"You suck," she said in between breaths, rolling around on the ground to try to dispel the tingly feelings that were still running across her skin.

Fluttershy didn't seem offended. "You lasted a long time! That must've been difficult for you."

Rainbow flushed. "You made it difficult for me!"

"Yes, I did," Fluttershy replied, a tone of smugness Rainbow Dash had never heard in her voice before. "But at least you weren't bored!"

Rainbow paused. That was true. She hadn't been bored playing the game; in fact, it had been kinda fun. She'd do it again.

Suddenly she froze before narrowing her eyes at Fluttershy with an evil smile.

"Your turn."

"My turn?" Fluttershy blinked once before her eyes widened. "Wait-- Dashy-- hehehehehey!"

Man, Rainbow Dash didn't realize how bad Fluttershy would be at the quiet game. But that's okay! They had plenty of time to play it together.

#my posts #my writing #tickling #tickle fic #tickletober 2024 #augtickletober2024 #tt24 #mlp tickling #lee!rainbow dash #ler!fluttershy

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rockyfr0g · 1 year ago

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my thoughts on "writing on the wall" by will stetson (as someone who relates to kaveh an unhealthy amount)

(ill preface this by saying im not good at separating headcanon and canon, especially when it comes to kaveh, and im not the best at understanding songs at more than face value cause im autistic but i just have so many thoughts on kaveh and this song and aaa)

firstly, the differences between the three choruses. i love how it encapsulates the devolution of both his mental state and how he views his work. in the first chorus, hes careful and precise, taking a lot of pride and happiness in his work, excited to see the completed project and overall enjoying working on it. whereas the second and third choruses hes been beaten down and rejected more and more by clients, failing to understand his vision, he feels more and more trapped by his creations. but still he holds his pride in them because if he loses that, he'll lose everything hes worked for. at first hes able to ignore the "writing on the wall", but as it gets harder and harder to please his clients or be able to afford what he wants to do, or even to create his visions, the writing becomes harder to ignore. as for what the writing means, im not too sure. but my idea is that the writing refers to the voices of doubt or dissaproval (both from his own thoughts and others comments), as well as the little criticisms when a client asks to revise his design once more. all of the negativity mixing within his own confidence in himself and his art, culminating in the writing on the wall. it represents the thoughts he desperatly tries to keep hidden until it gets too much and overflows (the end of the song).

secondly, i wanna talk about the actual music video. ive only watched it the one time for now, but here are my thoughts on it. the transitions between choruses and verses, and how it becomes redder and more exasperated the longer the song goes on to me feels like a really good expression of kavehs emotional state during the song. how the lines between him as a person and as an artist are slowly blurring, as he feels like hes becoming one with his buildings. being "trapped" by them.

another thing i love about the song is that its JUST focusing on kaveh. it isnt kaveh and alhaitham, it isnt 4ggravate. its all about kaveh. which is rare to see, especially within fandom space where i find kaveh is often diminished to just alhaithams partner, roomate, tormenter, whatever. so its really refreshing to see someone focusing solely on him and his problems without regard for anyone else for once, i love it. it gives you more of an understanding of just how much kaveh struggles, not only when it comes to his professional life, but his personal life too. we see how he struggles to balance keeping his aesthetics and pride while also trying to adhere to what the client wants, with "the right way takes a toll" showing how no matter how hard kaveh does try to keep this balance, it often gets toppled over and his ideas are more or less ignored in favour of something simpler. the balance is something kaveh struggles with throughout the whole song, but it becomes more prevalant in the last couple minutes. as for how he struggles personally, well the song mentions "the bigger the sorrows to drown", hinting at kavehs struggle with alcoholism and his use of alcohol as an escape from the voices and torments hes subjected to by his mind, turning to numbing his feelings with alcohol and often ending up worse off, physically or mora-wise. his alcoholism specifically isn't something i see people talk about a lot as its often glossed over or treated as just one of his quirks, when its evident that it is a serious problem, hes jsut so used to it at this point that he doesnt present it as such.

apologies, this kinda stopped being about the song itself and more just about kaveh and my own thoughts in some parts. but i hope its an interesting read at least!!

#kaveh #kaveh genshin impact #genshin impact #writing on the wall #will stetson #genshin kaveh #genshin impact kaveh

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fauville · 10 months ago

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fandom: the wayhaven chronicles

rating: (eventually) explicit

pairing: female detective/ava du mortain

chapters: 1/3

A/N: cozy winter vibes, ahoy! who cares that it's spring started this originally in 2021, i'm determined to finish it

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┛

“Ava,” you say, turning a page on your copy of Pride and Prejudice. “Please stop.”

Ava doesn't look at you or even acknowledge your words, she keeps staring outside from the frosted window with her hands folded against her chest and jaw flexed with irritation.

Always so stubborn. It's as frustrating as it is endearing, because Ava du Mortain hasn't changed one bit after the day you met her eight months ago. She is honest and sincere, always. She's also the most bull-headed woman you've ever met. Yet, you love that about her. Sometimes, when you're lonely and sick with feeling the way you do, you wish you didn’t.

You sigh at her silence and close your book, keeping your forefinger between the covers to mark the page you were reading.

“The weather won’t change no matter how hard you stare at it. It's supposed to storm for two more days.”

Ava just grunts and unfolds her arms-- only to fold them again a few seconds later. She’s actually wearing a long sleeved shirt because of the weather, it's still grey and boring, but the fabric is fuzzy and it looks soft and warm on her. Her pants are the same as always, though, and her blonde hair is on a bun, but it's just a little bit looser than normally-- a few hair strands frame her serious face nicely, making her expression appear gentler than it is.

You shake your head in exasperation and return to your book.

There are three problems to the situation you have found yourself in:

1. The huge snow storm raging outside that prevents you and Ava from leaving the cabin.

2. Ava and the fact that she has avoided being alone with you for the last two weeks and now you're stuck in here in the middle of nowhere for at least a couple more days than was originally planned.

3. Nat, Farah and Morgan left before the snow storm started for a reconnaissance for your mission. So, you're with Ava. Alone. And things happen to be very awkward between you two because you might have kissed her at the New Year’s party drunk on longing and too much expensive champagne.

[❤️ read more in ao3]

#the wayhaven chronicles #twc #ava du mortain #ava x detective #a du mortain #a x detective #twc fanfic #twc ava #twc detective #how to tag................#vilna writes

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siilverwiitch · 7 months ago

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Chapter 1: I am the problem

Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs

Characters: Dazai Osamu, Kunikida Doppo, & (mentioned Nakahara Chuuya)

Language: English

Words: 1,208

AO3 Link

Opening his eyes, Dazai noticed the morning sunlight streaming in through the window. Despite the warm rays resting on his skin, he felt cold. Sitting up, he let his futon pool around his waist.

“I see God has made me live another day and I’m about to make it Kunikida’s problem.”

Chuckling to himself, he avoided eye contact with the mirror as he went about his morning routine. The final part of his morning involved wrapping his arms, torso, neck, and legs. Every time he did this, he ignored the little voice in the back of his mind that unhelpfully reminded him that it was easier with the help of a certain red-haired chibi. Pushing that thought back, curb-stomping its face, putting three rounds into its chest, and then throwing it into the river of his subconscious, he finished up the last bandage.

Time to start another day.

Today was just like any other day at the agency. Work was as unstimulating as ever, and Kunikida was as entertaining to annoy. Today alone he had called Dazai a ‘waste of bandages’ eight times, twice in the same sentence. Dazai was honestly impressed.

"Dazai, I swear if you don't stop being a pain and actually start writing the report that was due two hours ago, I will force you to stay behind until you actually finish!"

Kunikida's face was now less than an inch from his own, and was so red Dazai could practically feel the heat of his anger coming off in waves.

"Why, Kunikida-kun, if you get any angrier your blood vessels might explode, and that would be a very painful death," Dazai replied in his usual playful tone, earning an exasperated sigh.

Kunikida stood up and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Just get it finished, alright?"

Deciding that he had probably pushed Kunikida's buttons enough for one day, Dazai turned towards his laptop, staring at the screen and the small icon that lay ignored on the taskbar. Guess I should stop pretending I've not done anything, he thought. Sitting at the desk, he opened the icon and began checking the contents. I really need to remember that not everyone takes my playful jabs as well as... Anyway, he realised this fact more and more each time Kunikida seemed less and less pleased with his antics unlike... no, stop it... I'm not going there. I'm not giving that pipsqueak any room in my thoughts.

I can't. It's still too soon.

He hated when his mind did this to him, reminding him that one dumbass decision he made destroyed any chance he may have been able to have... Although blowing up his car may have been the final straw for the pipsqueak—at least it wasn’t his bike. He thought he would have hunted him down and ended him years ago if he had destroyed that.

Looking up from his laptop, Dazai realised the office was busy today and yet he still felt as lonely as he always had since leaving. He needed some air.

Dazai stood up from his desk, his movements languid and deliberate. The office buzzed with activity, voices overlapping in a cacophony that felt distant to him. He weaved through the bustling room, heading for the exit, his mind replaying fragments of past memories he wished he could forget.

Stepping outside, he took a deep breath of the fresh air, the cool breeze providing a brief respite from the turmoil within. The streets of Yokohama stretched out before him, alive with the rhythm of the city. He walked aimlessly, his thoughts a chaotic mix of regret and longing.

He found himself at the edge of the harbour, the water lapping gently against the docks. The horizon was painted with the soft hues of dawn, a promise of a new day. Dazai leaned against the railing, staring out at the sea, his mind drifting back to happier times. He remembered the camaraderie, the laughter, and the warmth of friendships that had once been his anchor.

But those days were gone, shattered by his own reckless decisions. He couldn't help but think of the red-haired chibi, Chuuya, and the bond they once shared. A bond forged in the crucible of battles and struggles, now reduced to a painful memory. Blowing up Chuuya's car had been the final act of defiance, a misguided attempt to sever ties he didn't know how to maintain.

Dazai sighed, his breath misting in the cool morning air. He couldn't change the past, couldn't undo the mistakes he had made. But he could try to make amends, to find a way to bridge the chasm he had created.

As he stood there, lost in thought, he heard the faint sound of footsteps approaching. Turning slightly, he saw Kunikida walking towards him, his expression a mix of concern and frustration.

"Dazai, what are you doing out here?" Kunikida asked, his tone softer than usual. "You should be inside, working on that report."

Dazai gave a half-hearted smile, shrugging. "Just needed some fresh air, Kunikida-kun. The office can get a bit stifling, you know?"

Kunikida crossed his arms, studying Dazai with a critical eye. "You can't keep running away whenever things get tough. We all have our burdens to bear."

Dazai's smile faded, replaced by a more serious expression. "I know, Kunikida. Believe me, I know. It's just... some burdens are heavier than others."

Kunikida's gaze softened slightly, and he sighed. "We all make mistakes, Dazai. But we have to face them, learn from them, and move forward. You can't keep punishing yourself forever."

Dazai looked out at the water, the weight of Kunikida's words settling over him. He knew he was right. He couldn't keep running from his past, from the guilt and the pain. He had to confront it, to find a way to heal and move forward.

"You're right," Dazai said quietly. "I can't keep running. I need to face what I've done and find a way to make things right."

Kunikida nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "And you don't have to do it alone. We're a team, Dazai. We're here for each other."

Dazai felt a flicker of warmth in his chest, a reminder that he wasn't as alone as he sometimes felt. He had people who cared about him, who were willing to stand by him despite his flaws and mistakes.

"Thanks, Kunikida," Dazai said, his voice sincere. "I appreciate it."

Kunikida clapped a hand on Dazai's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Come on, let's get back to the office. There's work to be done."

As they walked back together, Dazai felt a renewed sense of purpose. He knew the road ahead wouldn't be easy, but for the first time in a long while, he felt like he had the strength to face it. With his friends by his side, he could confront his past and work towards a better future.

And maybe, just maybe, he could find a way to heal the wounds he had caused and rebuild the bonds he had broken. It was a daunting task, but one he was willing to undertake. For himself, for his friends, and for the chance at redemption he so desperately sought.

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd kunikida #kunikida doppo

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she-karev · 7 months ago

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Playing Cupid (Japril Season 16 Imagine)

Previous Part Here

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of Two

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Jackson Avery x April Kepner

Canon Episode: Season 16 Episode 20

AN: I decided to shift the focus to Japril because I strongly believe they missed an opportunity to bring April in after Jackson was shot. Amber in this story represents all of us Japril shippers and she is basically gonna be Cyrano to this couple that deserved better writing. The next chapter will be posted tonight so be prepared.

Summary: April is surprised to find Amber at Jackson’s apartment and learns what happened to him. They talk about their relationship problems where April reveals her impending divorce to Amber.

Words: 2541

Amber holds the door open still looking at April Kepner in mute shock who looks at her in visible shock with her mouth wide open. In a stroller between them is Harriet who looks at Amber with a smile happy to see her. Amber snaps out of it and remembers her place.

“April I didn’t expect to see you here…in Jackson’s apartment.” Amber suddenly remembers something, “Wait is it Jackson’s weekend already?”

April blinks before answering, “Um I took some night shifts at the clinic Jackson and I switched the dates, I am sorry I am trying not to be judgmental but what are you doing here in one of my daughters’ homes?”

“No, no it is not like that.” Amber tells her with a straight face practicing this speech she did with Maggie and Andrew when they questioned the nature of her and Jackson’s relationship, “Andrew broke up with me and kicked me out.” April’s face morphs to sympathy, “I needed a place to stay and his is roomier than my brothers. It’s just a friend helping a friend I swear. I thought he told you this.”

“He didn’t. I’ve been busy with clinic and I guess he wanted to figure out the best way to tell me.”

Amber chuckles lightly, “Well it’s an interesting way to find out I guess.”

April looks behind her, “Where is Jackson?”

Amber’s slight grin falls at that question, “They didn’t call you to tell you?”

April suddenly gets worried, “Tell me what? Is Jackson, okay?” Amber realizes she is still holding the door open and talking to her out in the hall. She steps aside and April quickly enters the living room with Harriet in the stroller while she sits in the armchair. Amber takes a seat across from her on the couch.

“Um…there was a shooting today.” April’s face falls at that word shooting and she looks down in silent shock not registering what Amber says next, “He was working with Warren at the PRT but he is fine. A drug addict tried to rob them at point blank and shot Jackson in the leg. The patient died and so did the shooter but everybody else made it out safe. They applied a tourniquet so there was no major blood loss, bullet went through so they just had to debride in the trauma room. The bone isn’t too damaged but Link thinks he should do PT just in case-”

“PT?” April looks up confused just now latching on to the one word that doesn’t make sense. Her mind was paralyzed by shock and growing grief that she didn’t pay attention to what Amber said, “What are you talking about?”

“Ortho doesn’t think it’s too bad.” Amber says on an exasperated edge, “Haven’t you been listening? It’s a bullet through the calf they had to debride in the trauma room but he should be okay after a few weeks.”

April gasps clutching her stomach like it was gonna drop, “He’s-He’s alive?”

Amber quickly nods, “Yes he is, weren’t you listening?”

April exhales in a relieved manner and looks close to tears, “I-I just…when you said shooting, I thought…I thought I lost him like we lost Reed and Charles. Reed and Charles were-”

“No, I know Jackson told me about them and how you two were there during the hospital shooting.” Amber sighs with regret, “I’m sorry I should’ve tread more carefully and lead with he’s okay. I didn’t realize it would bring all of that back for you. Are you okay?”

April swallows and nods, “I am, I am now that I know he’s okay. How did this happen?”

Amber groans at that reminder, “It was a junkie with a gun, she stopped the PRT for drugs and I guess she shot Jackson to make a point. She’s dead so we can’t get our revenge.”

“Well, I believe she’s earning a well-deserved punishment from the red guy downstairs so I’m good.” April gets Harriet out of her stroller and puts her in the play mat with her toys before coming back to talk to Amber, “How long is he gonna be at the hospital?”

“Assuming everything goes well, he should be out with a cast by the end of the weekend. Jesus, I swear with this and Dr. Webber the whole world is going upside down.”

“I saw the video.” April nods in understanding, “How are you holding up?”

Amber chuckles darkly sipping her drink, “Is that a rhetorical question? Because with the bipolar ex, squatting at a penthouse, my teacher possibly having dementia and my brother figure in the hospital with a bullet wound I’m gonna need more whiskey.”

April looks at her in sadness knowing her pain, “I’m sorry. You said that DeLuca is bipolar? Are you sure about that?”

Amber swallows the lump in her throat, “Yeah, I have been on this ride before and I know how it looks even with a manic and not a psychotic. I never knew what it was to be in a relationship with someone with mental health issues but for the last two months I now understand that you don’t matter to them. Their problems become your own because they feel the need to take it out on you because your close targets. It gets frustrating to the point where you just want to get out and leave them to suffer from their own delusions.” Amber sighs with April giving her a sympathetic nod, “I think I understand why my father left my mother.”

“Hey come on.” April starts with a motherly tone, “Just because you fell in love with someone with mental health issues doesn’t make you your dad and it doesn’t make him your mom it just…it makes it a rough patch you can either work through or not.”

“I’m not sure there’s anything left to work through.”

“Listen I’ve seen mental illness with soldiers in Afghanistan. They take on a whole new personality, it’s like somebody else took over. It’s the same thing that’s happening with Andrew only instead of war its genetics causing this.”

Amber sips her whiskey, “I know I’ve repeated that mantra with my mom and brother. I know he didn’t ask for this like I didn’t but he is ignoring it and making it worse. I know you think that’s selfish and I’m projecting my family problems on him.”

April shakes her head, “No that’s not what I think. Neither of you are being selfish here, you’re just tired of repeating this pain. As for Andrew the illness doesn’t make him inherently selfish, what makes him selfish is refusing to do anything before it’s too late.” Amber nods as her eyes begin to glisten. April looks at her in sympathy, “Are you really sure it’s over? There’s nothing to mend at this point?”

“No I made it more than clear he lost the right to beg for forgiveness when he showed up to help Webber instead of trying to fix himself and us.” Amber starts to tear up, “I thought I found the one. He was it for me. He was sweet and kind and handsome and he could handle my crap. He knew what it was like to grow up with a parent who neglected their mental health. I thought I hit the jackpot. Instead, I was so worried I would get my mother’s illness I never for one second considered he could get his father’s. And now he has and he refuses to do anything about and I feel…I feel like I’m broken and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.”

April pulls out a travel tissue packet and hands it to Amber who takes it and wipes her tears, “Thanks I know this isn’t how you envisioned your night going, taking care of a heartbroken resident sleeping in your ex’s guest room.”

“Well, it’s definitely more interesting than what I had in mind.” Amber chuckles while April grins.

“God I am such a mess, not even a hot paramedic asking me out can cheer me up.” April raises an eyebrow, “Wren Jones, I gave her a cast with my number after she asked me out.”

“I’ve met her, she brings patients to my clinic, she’s pretty.”

Amber wipes another tear, “She’s freaking gorgeous but I can’t April. I’m too screwed up to date and I want it to be because I like her and I do but…a part of me thinks about the look on Andrew’s face when he see’s me with someone after he dumped me and the satisfaction it will give me to beat him. But Wren deserves more than to be a weapon in my relationship war. And I don’t know if I can give her what she really deserves. I don’t know if I can jump back in the game so soon after what I’ve been through.

April squeezes Amber’s knee in comfort, “There’s nothing wrong with taking some time for yourself and regrouping and healing. It would be wrong for you to jump into another relationship so soon after your breakup because that will just make things worse for you. Maybe this is a sign for you to get your priorities in order and connect with yourself.”

Amber nods, “Yeah I know I need to step back from the dating game indefinitely…it still sucks though.”

April grins, “Look for what it’s worth I completely understand where you are at right now.”

“No, you don’t.” Amber sniffles, “I know your divorce from Jackson was messy but you found your true love after him.” April frowns as Amber continues, “Your one is perfect, he’s cute, he’s in the business of saving lives, he worships the ground you walk on, he doesn’t make you feel like crap. I mean you pretty much hit the jackpot after your divorce while I-”

“We split up.” Amber freezes and looks up in shock registering April’s fallen face. April sighs and takes a moment before explaining, “We kept trying to tell ourselves that our whole winding road was God's plan to bring us back together. But he was still so angry and so hurt. I mean, I left him at the altar, and then his wife died. You know, you don't just stop feeling hurt 'cause it's a better story if God brought us together in our pain.” Amber looks at April feeling sympathetic, “He denied it for so long. You know, he tried so hard not to hate me. I think loving me, making us a full circle was the story he was writing. I mean, I guess it was the story we were both writing. I mean, I was trying to get past my guilt. He was…He was trying to forgive God for the loss of Karin…but y-you know, ultimately, we learned that…” April bitterly chuckles, “Life just isn't always so tidy. And God's plan isn't always so easy to understand. He's always been so good with Harriet, and I adore Ruby, but we both started working longer hours, just avoiding coming home. And then, his sister got sick. She lives in Philadelphia. So, he and Ruby went to Philadelphia to be with her, and…now she's better, uh, but they're still in Philadelphia. And…they are not coming back.” Amber looks down in guilt over her previous assumption, “So yeah, I get how it feels to be broken beyond fixing. I am about to be divorced for a second time and a single mother again and according to the bible and my family I am a sinner in the eyes of the lord. I am doing about as great as you I think.”

Amber holds out her expensive whiskey, “Here you need this more than anyone I’ve ever met and that’s a lot of people.”

April chuckles, “Thanks but I’m working tonight. Speaking of which I gotta get to the clinic.” April stands up grabbing her purse and Amber stands up to lead her out, “Are you good to take of her tonight?”

“Don’t worry it’s not my first time with her it’s just double the diapers without Jackson around. If it’s okay with you I can take her in to see him tonight before she sleeps, maybe a visit from his little girl will be good for him.”

“Yeah of course, he needs a good end to a day of being shot.” April chuckles darkly, “I swear it’s day like these I could kill him for being so brave and so stupid.”

“You and me both sister and thanks for the talk I think I needed some girl to girl talk with someone who get’s where I’m coming from.” Amber smiles at April gratefully.

“Of course, and if you want, I can help you unleash your rage the right way.” Amber raises an eyebrow, “Gun range, shooting a paper target is very cathartic trust me.”

Amber chuckles, “I’ll think about it. Hey, does Jackson know about you and Matthew? I mean he never mentioned it.”

“No, he doesn’t I’ve been busy and so is he. Plus, he thought it was crazy what I was doing he didn’t say it but I could see it and I’m really not in the mood for an ‘I told you so’ my family already got their share after I told them.” April sighs, “Amber, I would really appreciate it if you didn’t tell him before I did. This is still new, it just happened and I want to figure out how to tell him myself. Can you please keep this between us and Harriet who I already swore to secrecy? Please?”

Amber looks at the pleading face on April and despite wanting to tell Jackson knowing his lingering feelings for April decides to keep a promise after April helped her with her emotional turmoil, “Yes I can keep this between us. I mean it’s not like it’s gonna change his life in any way.” Amber grins to sell it knowing it would be the opposite for Jackson.

April grins, “Okay thank you so much I already fed Harriet so your good there, you just take her to see daddy, read her to bed and she should be out like a light.” April goes to the play mat with a wide smile for Harriet, “Okay ladybug mommy has to go but your gonna see daddy and then you get to have a sleepover with auntie Amber is that fun?”

“Yay!” April laughs at Harriet’s joy as does Amber who can’t believe intern year that little girl hated her and now, she’s the designated aunt.

“Yay! That’s right I love you so much ladybug I’ll see you soon.” April gives Harriet a lot of kisses before walking to the door with Amber leading her out, “Okay call me if you need anything seriously.”

“Don’t worry I will, have a good shift.” April nods and leaves. Amber closes the door before making a raspberry sound and lifting Harriet in her arms so she can get her ready to see her dad. Amber sighs as she carries Harriet down the hall to her room, “Harriet it’s days like this I wonder what my life has come to being thrust into other people’s problems.” Amber closes the door in Harriet’s room.

Next Part Here

#greys anatomy #grey's anatomy #greysedit #greysanatomyedit #jackson avery #april kepner #amber karev #season 16 #head canon #liz gillies #elizabeth gillies #sarah drew #headcanon #mine #japril #jackson and april #jackson x april

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