#moomi makes me happy. there i said it.

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 23

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader CW: Drinking, slight internalized homophobia A/N: The first part dives into Lily's sexuality. It’s pretty innocent but may make readers uncomfortable. If you want to skip, go past the line break and I bolded the words ‘Round round get around’ for when it’s ‘safe’ to continue!

Chap 23 Playlist

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Chapter 23: The Daily Quarrel

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Lily always considered herself to be calm, rational and level-headed, that’s what made her a great prefect and student. But over the last five months, Lily felt herself becoming everything but that.

Lily never concerned herself with dating. Of course, she’d entertained the thought. She had crushes before, many crushes, and dabbled in the idea of romance, love, dates and commitment. Especially now as it seemed like the older she got, those around her fell into relationships and quick snogs in the broom closet that she was forced to break up one too many times. If she were to date, she didn’t want to force it. Lily wanted it to come naturally. It was never that important. If it happened, it happened, and she would welcome it with open arms.

But recently, it was all she could think about.

At first, it was a passing thought. Boys — dating — and then other things she thought she buried deep down began to resurface.

Girls, by every definition, were beautiful. Lily would admire the way they style their hair or religious headwear, how they carried themselves with such effortless grace that they never seemed to notice themselves. Girls, women; Lily thought they were thoughtful, kind and more respectful than men. She felt loads more comfortable around them before her thoughts began to turn more obscure — until her mind quickly shut it down and interjected that she just wanted to be close friends.

That was an utter lie.

It’s not like Lily didn’t feel any sort of attraction towards boys. She did, very much and had feelings both romantic and well… er — unleashed a plethora of other feelings. Lily was not opposed to holding hands, kissing or cuddling them, she really liked the idea and felt herself grow warm. She would do all sorts of things with the right boy. But there was something so exciting, yet frightening when the idea of hand-holding, kissing and cuddling with Y/N. That certainly left Lily with sweaty palms, heart racing and a flustered mess.

Whenever she held her hands, went around holding her arm in the halls, or crept into each other’s beds at night, Lily felt like a puddle of nerves.

She’s managed to force a smile most of the time whenever improper thoughts surfaced. She could be alone, walking the hallways for her prefect duties and something would pop up: when her fingers ran through Lily’s scalp when she brushed her hair. Her smile. Her eyes… her damn eyes… All she thought about these days was her. How was Y/N doing? She’s so funny! Would she like the way she styled her robes today? How would she look on top of — ARGH! Lily was mortified half the time.

Let’s just say that it was a gradual realization.

Lily wasn’t stupid, far from it and knew what was happening and it left her on complete edge, especially around Y/N. It left her face scarlet red and felt as if her chest was about to burst into a bloody mess. She couldn’t even look or be anywhere near her sometimes because it was too overwhelming.

But her feelings… Lily grew up being taught that she wasn’t supposed to feel this way for another girl, let alone both boys and girls...

Her heart, mind, morals, feelings, everything she believed in was at war. Lily felt herself change inside and out. It’s always been there, those… emotions — and suddenly it just ripped at the seams. Y/N was just the tipping point.

But why did it feel like such a crime for something so innocent? Something that is supposed to be beautiful?

And Y/N… out of all people!

It had been a very tiring and stressful school year so far.

Potter’s birthday had coincided with Gryffindor’s win against Hufflepuff and thus, a joint party was thrown. Lily watched from the sidelines as Y/N’s back faced her. The glowing of lights, all charmed red, immersed her as she snapped an abundance of photos of a very plastered Potter having the time of his life. He stood on a table, drunkenly singing.

Another bright flash went off and she brought the camera down, took the photo and shook it. A wide smile plastered on her face as she watched the photo develop and her body shook with laughter. But as if Y/N knew Lily was staring, her head swivelled around with a smile so blinding that it hurt Lily’s heart; now filled with hot shame again.

She shouted over the loud music. “Petals! C’mon, let loose for once!” She pointed to the cup in hand.

Lily looked down, looking at the amber liquid filled to the brim of her cup, untouched. Her gaze looked back, giving her a shy thumbs-up and brought the cup to her lips. The bitter taste of Firewhiskey burned before spreading warmly through her. But, Y/N’s reaction was worth it.

Lily tried to still her heart as she ripped her gaze away. Y/N made her feel everything but calm, rational and level-headed. It was terrifying. 

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‘Round round get around, I get around, yeah

(Get around round round I get around, ooh-ooh) I get around’

“Hip-hip —” James bellowed, raising a glass filled with Firewhiskey in the air.

“HOORAY!” The Gryffindors roared back.

“Hip-hip —”

Throughout the night, Sirius danced with probably every girl there before he went to turn the record player louder, re-filling his glass. He watched as James hopped off the table and made his way to Emmeline, peppering her skin with sloppy kisses that made her laugh and eyes crinkle.

They all officially met her that night. She’s sweet, kind and they found out she’s just as crazy as James in the love department and they seemed beyond happy.

Peter was there, who looked at the two, almost enviously, faced stained red before solemnly bobbing his head to the music. Sirius didn’t think much of it, instead just passed it off as a sad drunk.

‘I'm gettin' bugged driving up and down the same old strip

I gotta find a new place where the kids are hip’

Sirius cringed; he was never a fan of the Beach Boys but Wormtail and Prongs loved it…

Students jumped, rocking to the blasting music. Some talked, some were snogging, others tipsy or drunk. Sirius grinned from ear to ears as he looked around the room, searching for Remus. He was already a pole light, he would stick out like a sore thumb. But instead of Remus, Sirius’ eyes settled on L/N; film in hand, talking to another student. He was blond, a year above them, large in stature and Sirius recognized him from the Gryffindor tryouts back in September. Aldrich McLaggen.

His face was beat red as he chatted with L/N, his hand toying with the sleeves as he looked her up and down, wearing a flirtatious yet apprehensive grin. The bastard was flirting with her.

Sirius felt himself grip his glass tighter than normal, his free hand bunched into a tight ball while pressing firmly to his side. Neither she nor Sirius spoke, aside from their Puffskein assignment and it was killing him. From the discomfort or wishing they had kissed that night — he didn’t know. But it was tortuously awkward.

“Padfoot,” came a voice. Remus leant against a nearby table as he sipped his drink. No matter how much he seemed to drink, Remus was able to knock back drinks after drinks without it affecting him. Sirius envied that but then the thought passed, eyes settling on L/N.

“Moomy.”

Remus followed Sirius’ eyes, scrutinizing the situation.

“She’s so annoying,” said Sirius. He didn’t even mean to speak, it just slipped out.

Remus’ brow rose. “Talking about this, again? She’s not. L/N’s my friend and I like her.”

Sirius shook his head. “She’s insufferable. Who does she think she is?!”

“... Who?”

“Just look at her!” Sirius exclaimed, using large hand movements. “She acts like she owns the place. Just because she’s new she assumes she’s better than everyone else! And —” Sirius continued to rant but Remus blocked him out, head shaking.

Fucking idoit, Remus thinks. He wants to slap Sirius silly. When will he stop talking about her?

“— taking all of my friends: Prongs, Lily, Marlene, Wormy, you! I was —”

“You sound like a child.”

“— so smart. The Slugclub? All filled with stuffy pricks — except you and Lily — the kicker, I’ve seen her with Regulus! A Slytherin! Come on. That’s just asking for —”

“Padfoot —”

“— don’t understand how —”

“Crikey! Sirius!” Remus scolded. Sirius went quiet, intimidated by him. Remus took a deep inhale, his eyes fluttering shut but asked, “Why do you hate her? Is it because of that fucking rejection because —”

“What?!” Sirius’s voice cuts, loud and booming to the point where several heads swirled to look at him.

Remus looked at them, making hand movements to shoo them off. “Mind your business.”

“Moony, you know me! Come on! Sure, I’m a dick, but I’m not that much of a dick!”

“Then what is it? It can’t just be that she’s annoying.” Of course, Remus was right again. Always so blunt and never failed to be clear-cut.

Remus then tipped back his drink in one go without a flinch and left Sirius’ side. He’d much rather do his prefect duties than listen to him go on about the same conversation for what seemed like the eighth time that week. With Sirius left to sulk, he sighed and looked back to the scene, feeling irrational jealousy bubble up.

L/N laughed at whatever McLaggen said, who leant into her ear. What an obvious bloke.

Maybe it was because of the mix of alcohol that made Sirius place his cup down and stride up to them, but even he knew it wasn’t just the Firewhiskey.

“I’ve always wanted to visit. How was it like living —”

“McLaggen.” Sirius’ voice came out gruff and cold.

Both their heads turned towards him and she sent him a look, telling him to go. But too stubborn, he stayed put.

“Um… Black. Hello,” McLaggen responded. Sirius continued to stand tall, body language closed off, telling him silently to leave.

Tosser. Pillock. Daft bimbo lookin’ arse —

The boy coughed awkwardly and threw L/N a tight-lipped smile. “See you!” She nodded her head, giving a small, friendly wave. “Bye!”

Sirius took his place instantly. “Finally, you said something right for once. He’s a git.”

L/N’s face scrunched up in confusion. She sent daggers his way and he had to stop himself from smirking. “Surprise,” he drawled, hands going up to shake in jazz hands. “You seem happy to see me.”

“Why are you talking to me? People might think we’re friends.”

“Like we were ever just friends.”

Her mouth hung open after registering what he said and Sirius felt like using an unforgivable curse on himself. Did he have to bring it up like that?

Sirius was all over the place with his thoughts. Point blank, he didn’t know what the fuck was happening. He so badly wanted to draw near, to touch her and hear that damn laughter, but did he?

His… very unwelcomed feelings — whatever they were, were beginning to get in the way of his already messy life. Was it the chase that made him feel so electric, the need to dive into someone else to cover up his own problems? Was this him dabbling in his unhealthy behaviours and would this just set him back? Sirius wasn’t sure and he walked a fine line.

Humans, especially those like Sirius, are social beings. Like most people, they craved recognition, approval and constant reassurance from those around them. People want to fit in that desired image but struggle to find happiness — lost in that perceived image they chase. Desired reality… it’s like a mirage. The constant back and forth only drained him and it had been more apparent than ever since the break. That pretty packaged Sirius — was that him subconsciously crawling its way out, making him lose the little progress he’s made by continuing whatever this was? A game, his true feelings or a way to be social, to fill that void settled deep within his chest?

But he doesn’t think so, and that freaked him out even more. What scared him was that he wanted to get to know all the little parts of her, no matter how much he tried to deny it. It felt like a mantra playing in his head, questions about her he wanted answered. But he could never be sure.

L/N remained silent and he cut in, trying to cover up his internal dilemma.

“Now look who’s the quiet one.”

“Be more conceited, will you?”

“Insolent brat.”

She grinds her jaw aggressively, to the point where he swears he can hear bones crunching but she holds back from a snarky comment. His mouth opens, ready to add on before L/N turns around to survey the room. He watches as she looks up to James and back to him and then a small, separate room that’s cut off from the main room. The last thing either wanted was to ruin James’ night or cause a scene. “Follow me.”

Sirius rolls his eyes, teasingly staying back a beat before another Gryffindor girl comes up to him. He’d danced with her earlier. “Pretty boy,” she greets, “Fancy another dance?”

Sirius’ eyes travel to L/N who’s eyes hardened as she stomped back up to him. “Sorry, but pretty boy” her voice dripping in obvious sarcasm, “Has somewhere to be.” Then, she tugged on the hem of his sweater and the action had Sirius’s heart flutter. He let her lead him through the crowd, nearing the room.

“Pretty boy? So you do think I’m pretty?” He smirked, watching her duck her head to prevent him from seeing her reaction.

Out of the entire student body he could’ve had feelings for — feelings he’s never felt before that caused him to go speechless, heart speeding and the urge to inch closer — it had to be her? She never knew how to take a joke either! How James and Remus were so fond of her, he didn’t know.

She shoved him into the small room, casting Muffliato. It was ill-lit, the only source of luminosity were the red lights seeping in the cracks of the door and the small window; twinkling stars shining just enough. The mixture of lights made her look alluring.

“What do you want?” Her voice is passive-aggressive.

You, he reckons. Or maybe a permanent silencing charm to never have to hear her speak again. Either seemed great.

Her eyes rolled, impatient as he remained silent. “Could you be anymore… confusing? You’re hot and cold! First, you’re nice to me, then mean. Then come up to me, ruin my conversation with Aldrich and now you’re silent.”

“Fine. I don’t want to be here with you, happy?”

“Like you didn’t start this.”

“It’s not my fault you’re infuriating, constantly running your mouth.”

She takes a deep breath, her hands rubbing her face and let’s out a frustrated groan. Her eyes snap back open, “I hate you.” The silence was loud.

Sirius felt himself freeze, eyes turning half-lidded as he took a few steps towards her. She backed up, sliver of a smile there. His chest rose, breathing deeply, “Say that again.”

L/N looked up at him with those eyes he swore looked right through him. Simply being that close made him feel as if he ran a marathon. Then, a wicked, yet timid grin worms its way on her face. Their soft breaths were tense, like if either were too loud, everything would come crashing down.

She repeats. “I hate —”

She doesn’t finish her statement as Sirius pressed himself against her, pushing her back but snakes a hand to prevent her head from hitting the jagged wall.

His voice was low. “Are you sure you want to say that again?”

Her breath hitches. He grins. She swallows. “I. Hate. Y—”

Each syllable was hushed as Sirius pressed his lips onto hers, gentle, sweet and hesitant, contradicting compared to their banter.

When the initial shock wore off, he felt Y/N respond to the kiss, deepening it. Her lips parted and Sirius slid his tongue inside. She was a bit clumsy, hesitant but eager. Sirius smirked at her. Everything felt startling, incredible and better than what Sirius imagined it to ever be like. He felt like a firecracker, a warm feeling spreading through his veins like fire.

She’s soft, incredibly so. His free hand went to roam around before settling on the base of her back, stroking the soft skin up and down. Her hand is threaded through his hair just hard enough that he has to bite back a groan. Her other hand is pressed firmly onto his chest and god — she feels so good.

To Y/N, Sirius tastes like what you think he would taste like. He tastes expensive, smells really good and his kisses are a lot softer than she expected — the very opposite of him: energetic, rough, messy and wild. Instead it’s delicate, sweet and velvety.

She’s the first to pull back and Sirius can’t help but move his head to try and catch her lips but settles on pressing his forehead against hers.

Their soft pants fill the air and Sirius feels like screaming. His skin is boiling and she looks beyond enthralling. Their eyes locked and her eyes washed over him with such an intensity that it could rival any ocean wave.

Neither spoke, just trying to process what happened, letting their eyes run wild before she tucks a fallen strand of hair behind Sirius’ ear. The action, so small and fairly insignificant, made something so bubbly flare in his chest.

Both of their pupils are blown wide and this time, she’s the one to lean in first; with a series of soft peaks before Sirius prolongs it. Both his hands are now on her face, tilting her head up before one goes to graze her neck.

There wasn’t a sinking or horrible feeling in his chest that made him feel used or worthless and he took that as a good sign to continue.

This time, it’s faster, rough and passionate and Sirius leads, his hips pressed against her, caging her against the wall. Her hand then went to embrace Sirius, her nails scratching down his back and he involuntarily slipped out a soft groan into her lips.

Merlin… she’s more intoxicating than any brand of alcohol he’s ever drunk.

Eventually, they simultaneously pulled away, using whatever sense they had left and Sirius was left feeling high and shaky. Y/N looked away first, Sirius continuing to stare wide-eyed.

“Um — w-we should — ugh — get going —”

“— Right, I was just about to…”

Sirius backed up, letting Y/N free as she went to sit on a nearby chair. Sirius ran a hand through his hair and stumbled back into the party. He exhaled deeply, fingers outlining his lips in shock.

He must be mad — blood fucking mad! They’re both equally mad!

God, he must be blushing like a damn fool and certainly, he’s not going to be able to sleep tonight. Blimey…

Once James saw him, he pointed and made a B-line, strutting over, his hips exaggerating until he swung an arm around him.

“Siriusss! You’re my best friend!” James ruffled his hair, “Did you know that? Merlin — you light up my world.”

Sirius felt himself smile, but he’s still not fully there. His mind thinks back to her touch: soft and fleeting and god does he crave more and — what is she thinking?

“In love with me? You’re going to have to get in line.”

“Love with all m’friends… Moony… Wormtail — Whiskersss.” James slurred his words slightly and went on a tangent but Sirius’ eye remained on the door, waiting for her to come back.

She’s taking an awfully long time. Fuck, did he push it?

“Mate — earth to Padfoot?” James says, this time knocking his fist on his head like a door. “SIRIUS! Yoo-hoo! In there?”

“Yeah — sorry. A lot’s on my mind.”

James studied him, looking a lot more sober than he did just seconds ago as he went to fix his glasses and said seriously, “Is it… the nightmares again? We can go and talk about it?”

This caught his attention. Ever since Valentine's, he’s been talking to James about them — or at least mentioning bits and pieces which helped a lot more than he expected. “What? No, no it’s not that.”

“But if it is, you’ll tell me, right?”

Sirius has to stop himself from snorting, but it’s all too endearing. “Of course — I’ve only gotten them two times this week.”

Prongs grins like a mad man, throwing his fist in the air. “That’s one down! Amazing! You are amazing.”

And then he hears the door click open and it’s her. She sent him a small smile, barely there but Sirius felt his heart swell. Marlene bounced up to her, pulling her into a dance along with Mary. He watched as her head tipped back with a smile so dazzling and he felt his skin turn fuzzy again.

She got under his skin like nobody else and he’s starting to love it.

[marshmallowprotection]

I replayed Seven’s route and saw through the secret ending episodes (haven’t done that since 2019) and man is it me or is Rika kinda apathetic towards Saeran in the secret endings. In Ray’s route and especially his AE, she’s so fixated and obsessed with him and Saeyoung in hopes of this “happy family” and to feel needed. She was obsessive and possessive saying how much she loves Saeran like a mom loves her son. But in the Secret Ending when Saeran had a mental breakdown over him not getting the revenge Rika promised him. She got irritated and basically asked her believers to brainwash Saeran again and treated him like he was disposable, like Saeyoung can just take his place in “paradise”.

Like what happened, do you think the time between Another Story and Original Story was enough for her to lose her humanity along the way and play prophet full time. Like how Saeran’s demeanor in both those timelines are different bc he had to withstand Mint Eye’s treatment long enough to fixate on revenge completely and get a tattoo that solidified his devotion to what he didn’t know was a false cause.

Do you think Rika’s apathetic attitude is why Ray was “disposed” of in OS (I would say as an alter he was just dormant, covering his eyes and ears in a sense yknow?). Ray didn’t really play any part in OS so I thought Rika was done “playing mom” (since in the AE she said she missed Ray bc Ray was someone who needed her.) and wanted 100% focus on her plan

Sorry for rambling too much, this started off as a simple question but then my brain went “wait 🤔 what if 🤨”

-Moomi✨

So, a lot of this comes down to how you feel about connecting the two stories. A lot of people do not connect Another Story and Deep/Casual. So there are people that will say that it's just two different realities where possible circumstance can happen. I personally connect the two and I write with that in mind. Let me just say that there is a two-year time period between the two points that you can play in. That is a long time for things to happen and play out.

It's only been 6 months since he was taken in Another Story when Ray is there. Not a lot of time has passed and he is fresh in paranoia and in the manipulation that has been expended upon him. He is loyal to a T and very emotionally distraught. He is very lost and clinging to the last shred of hope that he has. There's a part of him that is cut throat and willing to destroy if that's what he has to do, but there's another part of him that's crying out when that happens.

Because he doesn't want to do those things but he has no choice.

She is the only person that's left in his life that hasn't abandoned him and he truly believes everything that she's told him. He's constantly trying to get her praise and attention because he doesn't want to be left behind. Suit Saeran said to himself that all of their vulnerable points of holding onto hope are inside of Ray. There is a reason why without the MC that Ray wouldn't be able to survive for very long. It's because Ray would never be getting positive influence. He would be a hurt more and more the longer that he was forced to lash out.

It would eventually destroy him. It would be too painful for him to exist because he would have nothing and it would be pointless. He would run himself ragged to give his savior what she wanted and he wouldn't be able to keep up with what she wanted. It would overload him. That is why Suit Saeran what eventually emerge at some point during that time period that would be after Ray combusted.

Suit Saeran isn't exactly stable either. He is built on anger and animosity, but he has just as many emotions as Ray has even though he tries to deny them. It's just instead of balling up everything inside of him, he's taking it out on everyone else because that's what he's been told his strength. He would work himself just as hard as Ray had, but there would be a part in the side of him that was just as twisted.

I personally do not see Suit Saeran and Unknown as the same person so that's important to note here. I imagine that at some point during that period after he gained control, something really bad would happen and it would cause a fracture inside of him. Unknown would be born if that split and eventually take control of the body. He is a lot more twisted. He's let go of the part of him that has hope, and the only thing that he's holding onto is devastation and destruction.

Everything is everyone else's fault and they need to pay for it. His sole purpose is completing their Revenge. He has a one-track mind and there's no doubt about that. He doesn't know what he's even going to do once he gets his revenge. He hasn't even planned that far. You can see that in a lot of the Bad Endings on Seven's Route. He is very emotionally vulnerable and on a hairpin trigger that could be easily broken. In a way he's like Ray. He and Ray have a lot more in common than he and Suit Saeran do with that.

Unknown has fully committed himself to this system. Whereas, with Ray and Suit Saeran, the both of them are able to express to the MC in the game, but they have doubts and that they know that she's not right but they have no other choice. Yes, they are committed to it in a sense but that doesn't mean that they are completely and wholeheartedly consumed by the Cult. There is still a part of them that is seeking that individuality and fighting against the pain and what sounds wrong.

Unknown has given himself to this. He sees no other point and he sees no other purpose. He's been tortured and pushed around his entire life, and it's been blamed on V and Saeyoung. This is the only thing that he's able to focus on and it's the only thing that he knows. It's the only thing grounding him. Rika is right behind him and whispering these lies and manipulation into his ear every single day. She treats him the way that she treats all of them, like a dog chasing food on the end of a string. She says pretty words and has great ideas, but if you follow her, you're never going to get the treat at the end.

And with Unknown, you know that he's been gaslit and manipulated to a degree much more lengthy than what Ray and Saeran went through; he's been stuck in this place by himself with nobody to hold on to. That just didn't stop because he started listening to what she wanted. That continued on. So did her constant denial of giving him praise. He's constantly trying to do things for her and that will make her praise him, and she always avoids doing it. He's always Chasing the Sun but he's never going to be able to touch it.

With Rika, you know that she's trying to cope by saying that she's a better mother. She's so lost in everything that she's been through and all of this anger that she's holding onto, that she's masking everything that she's doing and living her lie to the fullest. It's her way or the highway. She wants to get her revenge and she wants to prove that she was always right. She wants to be able to look at the crumbled remains of RFA as they seemingly all join her side one by one, and leave V in the dust.

She wants him to be a million things all at once. Her expectations for him are beyond what anyone could ever be. She says if you do this or that, she'll praise you and you'll be the best. But in reality, you're never going to be good enough in her eyes. That is the reality that he has to face. It's one that he tries to deny because she's made him truly believe that she's the only person that he has left. Yet, she treats him so horribly and only gives him enough so that he doesn't have enough doubts to make a fight.

She is apathetic. It's been so long and he's been failing her consistently in the secret ending. He wasn't able to get the MC. He wasn't able to get the party guests or the plans. He wasn't able to make good on any of the promises that he said that he was going to do. She's angry at him and she does what she's always done, blame him for being too emotional and punish him with more cleansing ceremony is so he can become the person that she wants them to be.

But like I said, the problem with that is that he's never going to be what she wants him to be.

She gets impatient. She stops putting on a pretty and friendly face for him. It's because he's not getting her the results that she wants fast enough. It's because he's not living up to what she wants him to be. It's because she's not happy and no matter how much she tries to use him to get what she wants to be happy, she's never going to be happy.

She's in a completely different place at this point in her life than she was in Another Story. She's had a hell of a lot more time to ruminate and get angry about how she's not getting results. At some point, she gets bored and tired of not getting what she wants. She's got a throne and she's got all of this power, but it's not making her happy. V is never giving her the response that she wants whenever they interact, and this just keeps feeding back into it. Her unchecked trauma and inability to accept responsibility for her crimes all play into this. The shame and the guilt...

I really do think that she lost whatever shred of humanity that she had. If you want to say that she had any of it. She's really had more time to get herself into place with the Savior position. She starts to think that she did the right thing by what she did to Mother Choi. She starts to think that she was right about doing what she did to the boys. What she did to V.

All of the people around her are constantly likening her to a saint and telling her that everything that she's doing is perfect and correct. She becomes more and more desensitized to the violence that she is committing. She is personally involved with many of the cleansing ceremonies. She is constantly there with all of this violence and trickery.

These are things that affect your psyche.

At some point, everyone around her is just useful for her goals. She doesn't really care what happens to Saeran because she has no more patience for him. He's constantly questioning her and fighting her. He doesn't listen like Ray listened. He makes a point of pushing back and at some point she just decides that it would be easier to get rid of him if she has to do it. In a lot of the Bad Endings, he does not know what the trigger to the bomb does. She literally just tells him that it's going to do something that will hurt his brother so much.

And he believes everything that she says. In those endings, she gives him the trip to the bomb because she wants to clear up the loose end. If she gets rid of him, she can easily manipulate his brother to do what she wants and turn him against V. She can use that opening to get whatever she wants. Seven would never know. She would just change her tactics and manipulate the other brother. Because at this point in her life, all she cares about is getting back at V. She blames him for everything and wants to destroy him for it. Nothing else matters at that point. She has a one-track mind at that point.

And what's more disheartening is the fact that she thinks that she wants that, but there's something inside of her that doesn't want that. She's just as conflicted as the rest of them are. I think it should be very telling to anyone about what's going on in her head space just by telling you to look at how willing she is to throw him away in the secret ending. She was ready to just throw him into the basement to have him used and abused again. Even if his brother tries to defend him and offer himself up, she's still pretty much ready to throw Saeran away.

She screams at him because he doesn't listen. That's why she says that she should have took his brother instead. She's tired of him fighting her and not obeying her every order and being her little puppet. She stops caring about him as a son when she realizes that a son isn't going to be her cute little puppet.

[dakogutin]

nightmares and cuddles

thank you to @swottypotter​ for hosting this comfort mini-fest! and to my beta @windywings who helped me get into the mind of a ten year-old hehe

9/27 prompt: gratitude

summary: harry thanks moomy and dadfoot for being brave with him

word count: 2.1k

ao3 link

---

A blinding flash of green light. Screaming— a woman’s. Deafening explosion then a piercing ring as everything turns dark once more… Forehead burning…

Harry woke up in cold sweat, panting. He felt adrenaline coursing through his veins as he sat up, hands subconsciously running through his untameable wild hair. The silence made his thoughts yell louder and the darkness felt eerily inappropriate to his turbulent feelings.

This wasn’t new; the nightmares, the insomnia, the constant panic in his restless mind alerting him that Voldemort was by his bedroom door— a forceful pull back to consciousness. Sleep has been a challenge for Harry, he’s set the bar so low that sometimes he forgets it’s not normal to wake up crying in the night at all.

That doesn’t mean it gets easier each time.

Harry hugged his knees tight, cursing himself through harsh sobs for not being brave enough to face his demons alone. Everyone tells him that both his parents were brave, so why wasn’t he?

The worst part is, he doesn’t even understand why the vivid flashes of weird images in his dream cause him to fall apart this quickly. He just feels embarrassed. Stupid. Mad— in both definitions.

It was getting more and more difficult to breathe as he refused to let his cries out; the lump in his throat obstructing his air flow as it simultaneously intercepted with his continuous sobs. Harry sounded like he was choking through air but at the same time felt like he was drowning in it.

He pulled his blanket up to his chin and looked to his window, contemplating on whether or not he should move to open it, when he heard the doorknob slowly click open, the sound shattering the silence of the room… 

Harry jolted and an involuntary yelp escaped his restricted throat. Instantly, warm but strong hands wrapped around his apparently trembling self, gently holding him in place and stroking his back in a soothing manner.

“Breathe, Harry…” The voice said. “Come on, do it with me.” A deep inhale followed and Harry felt his body slowly relax as he focused on mimicking the action.

More minutes passed until Harry finally felt calm enough to snuggle into the soft but firm arms around him. He opened his eyes and saw locks of black hair by the person’s shoulders and felt guilt replace the momentary ease in his stomach.

“Padfoot, did I wake you? I’m so sorry…” He rubbed his eyes from the stale tears there.

To his surprise, Sirius huffed a laugh. “Nah, Moony woke me up.” Harry felt the hand resting on his back still its movements. “But I’m kinda glad he did.”

“Why?”

Sirius was quiet for a while, like he was mulling over his answer. “So you didn’t have to go through this alone.” he said simply.

Harry knew those words meant more than they suggested. After all, Sirius only hinted about his own past, never really giving Harry the full picture. Harry wanted to finally ask about it, but a concern persisted in his mind. He leaned back to face Sirius properly, “Why did Moony wake you up? Is he all right?”

Sirius broke into a soft smile before fiddling with Harry’s disheveled duvet. “You really are your parents’ child, Harry. Just like them you’re uncommonly kind. I went here for you yet you go asking about others as soon as you can.”

For a second Harry felt conflicted about this comment. The looming thought of him not being able to live up to his parents’ braveness suddenly entered his mind once more. “No, of course I am thankful you’re here. It’s just that… well, with the moon just yesterday, I couldn’t help but wonder…” Harry couldn’t finish this sentence as he found himself too distracted with Sirius who was shaking his head.

“Listen, kid, I don’t mean it that way.” He grinned, ruffling Harry’s unkempt hair. Then he sighed, looking more forlorn this time. “We— er, couldn’t sleep too, you see.”

“Is he still awake?” Harry blurted, eyes scanning around Sirius’ features in the dark.

Sirius already scooped Harry in his arms and stood up. “Let’s go wake him up if he isn’t still. Merlin knows it’s time for my revenge.”

“Are you sure it’ll be okay?” Harry asked tentatively, gripping onto Sirius’ shoulder.

He scoffed. “As long as it’s us. You know Moony can’t hate us— even if he tried. We’re irresistible like that, Prongslet.” Sirius winked.

And for the first time that night, Harry cracked a smile.

--

Sirius glanced behind at Harry, a sly grin etched on his face. Harry put a finger to his smiling lips, shushing his godfather. At this, Sirius placed a finger over his own lips, as if scolding himself as well. Harry quietly giggled before Sirius carefully opened the bedroom door where Remus rested.

Together they tiptoed to the rising and falling lump of sheets on one side of the wide bed, only his tawny mess of hair was visible. But as they approached, stealthily avoiding the creakier floorboards, a startling grunt sounded from under the sheets.

Sirius hastily carried Harry to sit on the bed and spoke, “I present you this offering! Please don’t impair upon me your wrath for disturbing your slumber.” They snickered as Sirius also hopped on the mattress, rocking the bed slightly as he laid beside Remus with Harry right in the middle.

Remus simply opened the blanket with his arm for Harry to settle inside, the younger boy quickly complied, feeling himself immediately comforted by the warmth around him. Harry felt his forgotten drowsiness washing over him.

After a period of silence, Harry heard Sirius softly speak. “Hey, what about me?” He couldn’t help but chuckle at this.

“What’d you think, Harry? Should we invite the gaudy nitwit inside our cave?” Though facing away, Harry can hear the grin in Remus’ slurred words.

“Sorry Padfoot, I don’t think you’ve earned your place yet.”

Harry knew it was all in good fun but he was too soft on Sirius after calming him down from his earlier ordeal, he told this to Remus who pulled down the blankets, revealing a giant black dog where Sirius previously sat.

“What do you mean? What happened?” Remus sat up, piercing eyes steady on Harry.

“I’m fine now.” Harry chewed his bottom lip. 

Remus looked unconvinced but acquiesced, sighing. “I’m glad Padfoot could be there for you then.”

At Remus’ reassuring smile, Harry felt this newfound courage to open up more about it. “It’s just the same nightmare again.” He then felt a cold nose press to his arm. Harry scratched the dog’s neck then fully wrapped his arms around Padfoot, burying his face in the soft shampoo-smelling fur.

“Do you want to talk about it, pup?” came Remus’ voice beside him as he felt a gentle hand rest on his back, it reminded him of Sirius’ soothing pats earlier. 

Harry doesn’t know what it was about Remus that makes it so easy to want to talk to him. Maybe it was the underlying desire to want to be comforted; that while Sirius’ presence always inspires him to be brave, Remus’ presence is more on reassurance— telling him that he doesn’t have to be brave all the time. He’s never been more thankful they balance each other so well and that he was blessed with both of them all to himself.

As quick as that gratifying thought occurred, he felt an unsettling churn in his gut.

He turned his head so his face was visible to his other godfather. “Is it selfish that I sometimes forget my parents?” 

Harry sat curious as silence hung in the air. He sat up to face Remus and felt the familiar gentle incentive of being vulnerable. He was aware this was a rather sensitive topic but he wasn’t planning on backing out of it now that they’re willing to engage.

“You have to understand, Harry…” Remus began, “Sirius and I always bring up your parents because we miss them so, so much. It’s cruel that we got to spend so much time with them while you so little.” He patted Harry’s cheek. “It’s perfectly forgivable if you sometimes… forget. Moments you shared with them are ever so scarce, Harry, it’d be quite impossible to keep holding on to them all your life.”

Harry sniffed, indignant not to cry twice this night. Just then, he felt Padfoot gradually shift back into Sirius behind him. 

“You’re not selfish for feeling too happy to think about what you’ve lost. Remember that.” said Sirius.

Remus gave an approving smile to Sirius before sighing wistfully. “We feel guilty about it too, Harry.”

“About my mum and dad?” Harry asked softly. This part about his parents was new. Neither of them deliberately bring up the events after they graduated so needless to say, Harry’s interest was piqued.

They both nodded then Sirius replied, “We talk about them a lot because you’re a living reminder of them, pup. It’s just uncanny.” He smiled, shrugging.

Harry smiled back.

Remus chimed in, “Look, we know we will never fill their shoes in your life—”

“No that’s the thing…” Harry interrupted.

Both his godfathers looked taken aback by the sudden loudness of his voice but waited for him to continue.

“When I think of parents, I just now think of you two.” He stared intently at the ruffled duvet. “I can’t help but feel like these nightmares are punishments for it.” Harry felt Sirius pull him into a crushing hug and heard shuffling before feeling Remus join them.

Remus was first to pull apart and maybe it was the dim lighting but his eyes appeared to be glistening. He then heard Sirius behind him. “You are not to be blamed for anything, Harry. You hear me?” The ten year-old turned to glance at his speaking godfather and nodded.

“I’m sorry about these nightmares Harry.” Remus says. “But you shouldn’t think of them as punishments. They’re nothing more but bad memories. It has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship with Lily and James, alright?” He tilted his head to level with Harry’s gaze under his ducked head.

“And besides,” Sirius spoke. “Who says you’re limited to just one pair of parents?” he grinned.

Harry hung his arms around their necks. “Thank you.” He mumbled, pulling their heads together, feeling their cheeks press against his own. Harry poured all of his profound gratitude through his tight grip before pulling away and beaming at them.

A thumb swiped his cheek and Harry realised he had apparently failed to keep his tears from flowing until then as he looked up to Remus smiling softly at him.

“Well, I’d say you telling us that we’re nearly good enough replacements for your parents is the highest form of compliment in my life so far. And this is coming from me, who got voted Witch Weekly’s most charming smile of the year — and I was still a student!” Sirius beamed.

Remus rolled his eyes as he leaned in for a whisper. “Still lost to Gilderoy Lockhart, though.” He then made his voice louder, positioning to lie back down. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.”

Harry giggled. He was about to make a move to head back to his room but Remus was already making space for him in between them on the wide bed.

Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus. “Just this once I won’t say anything to that since I’d rather savour every last moment we can sleep with Harry still here.” He then shifted into a lying position with them.

“Damn right.” Remus mumbled.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows at this. “What does that mean?”

“Hogwarts, Prongslet. This is your last year before you finally become an official student there after all.” Sirius replied, yawning. “Couldn’t wait for you to become our little prodigy.”

“Sirius.” Remus said warningly but was simply met with a lazy chuckle.

That’s right, Harry mused. Soon, he would be surrounded by other magical children. He suddenly wondered how different his life would’ve been if he were raised away from the Wizarding World, but then he just couldn’t— and that was all because of Sirius and Remus. Harry felt overwhelmed by this relief.

“Moony?” He called to the darkness.

“Hmm?” came his response.

“Padfoot?” Harry called once more.

“I’m here.”

“Thank you.”

Harry doesn’t know which of them did it, but there was a kiss near his scar and he felt his cheeks strain from him grinning so much that night. Not quite what he expected since being woken up, but undoubtedly the best turn of events since.

[pumpkin-queen-96]

The Boggart

It had been a little over a year since James and Lily were killed, Sirius Black's name was cleared, and he and Remus Lupin took custody of Harry Potter. Harry was now a few months short of being three years old. He could walk and he could speak well enough to get his point across. Harry, for the most part, was carefree and happy with his guardians; whom he began calling 'Dadfoot' and 'Moomy' after some encouragement from Sirius. 

Remus was a "stay at home dad," while Sirius worked a desk job at the Ministry of Magic, in the "Misuse of Muggle Artifacts" department, reporting directly to Arthur Weasley. Sirius took this job specify for two reasons: first, he and Remus agreed they would not use any of the money Harry's parents had left him, it would be up to Harry - with some advising - what he did with that money after he turned 11. Second, his work schedule would always  be Monday-Friday 9am-5pm, so he would always be able to have breakfast with Remus and Harry, and then be home in time for dinner. 

They lived in a small cottage in the middle of the Northern Lake District of England, a ways north of Keswick. On the weekends they would take Harry to Keswick - with a hat to hide his scar - to do the weekly shopping. During the week of the full moon they sent Harry to stay with his Muggle relatives, the Dursleys, as they promised Dumbledore they would.

One Friday evening, Harry was asleep in his bed, Remus and Sirius were across the hall laying on theirs as Sirius talked about his day at the office. 

"Filed paperwork for a rather interesting item today," Sirius began. "It was a record player, hexed so that when you tried to play a record it began insulting you to the tune of whatever record you chose, but the volume would gradually increase until it became defending."

Remus was about to comment on the type of person who would ruin a good record player, when suddenly he could hear Harry crying and the screaming of a familiar voice that made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. He moved lightning fast, at Harry's door before Sirius was out of bed. When he threw open the door he couldn't believe his eyes. 

What appeared to be Lily Potter stood only a yard away from Harry, her back to him as she screamed, "NO! NOT MY BABY! NO, PLEASE!!!!"  then there was a flash of green light, Lily fell to the ground, dead eyes staring up at Harry. 

Sirius was at the door now and Remus moved - wand in hand - to put himself between Harry and the "dead" woman on the floor. There was a noise like a whip crack, and Lily's body was gone. Now a silvery-white orb was hanging in the air in front of Remus, who said, "Riddikulus!" 

Crack!

The orb transformed into deflating balloon that zipped around the room before flying into Harry's closet. Remus quickly shut the closet door and charmed it to keep the boggart inside until he was ready to deal with it. 

Remus turned to see Sirius holding Harry tightly in his arms, a look of both shock and pride on his face. "I cannot believe we let a boggart into the house," Remus sighed.

"You never cease to amaze me Moony," murmured Sirius as Harry continued to cry. "I saw her and I froze, but you - whether you knew it was a boggart or believed it was really her like I did - you put yourself between it and Harry…" 

"For a moment, I thought it was her too," admitted Remus. "Well, there's no way any of us will be sleeping for a while. Take Harry, his crayons, and some paper to the living room. I'll move the coffee table out of the way and spread out a blanket. Then you can get a fire going while I make us all some hot chocolate in the kitchen."

It took a few minutes to get settled and finally Harry stopped crying. They drank their hot chocolate and drew pictures half way into the night. 

Remus woke as the sun started to filter in through the windows. He smiled when he saw Harry sprawled across his chest, and Sirius curled against Remus's left side using his arm as a pillow while he had one hand resting on Harry. He wished he could stay in this moment forever - he knew in a few hours he would have to get up and deal with that boggart, then do his best to explain to a two year old what a boggart is - but for right now, he closed his eyes again enjoying this peaceful moment with the two people he loves most in this world. 

[goodlucktai]

a life in your shape

the moomins pairing: moomin/snufkin word count: 2290 read on ao3

x

“Oh, my,” Moominmamma says, pressing a hand to her mouth. It doesn’t quite manage to hide her smile. “Someone looks comfortable.”

“Shh, don’t wake him!” Moomin whispers. He can feel his face warming at everyone’s attention but he scowls around at them anyway. Hunching his shoulders and hovering protectively, Moomin insists, “He’ll be embarrassed.”

“He should be,” My says immediately. But there’s no heat to it, and she nudges Sniff with her boot none too gently when it looks like he’s about to say something else. “Let’s start a new game. I’ll be the dealer.”

Moominmamma sets a folded blanket within reach of the sofa before she moves back toward the kitchen. Snorkmaiden is grinning, bright and full of mischief, but she reaches over to take Moomin’s playing cards without making fun.

The moment Moomin’s hands are freed, they gravitate automatically to the mumrik on his lap.

Snufkin makes a noise in his sleep that is entirely contented and rolls over so that his face is smushed against Moomin’s stomach. Oblivious to the muffled giggles from the other side of the table, thank goodness, and dreaming deeply.

He gets this way sometimes, when it’s warm and sunny and the air is sweet. Moomin can’t count how many times he’s nearly stumbled over Snufkin having a nap in the middle of the garden or the flowering meadow. Typically, Moomin is quick to crawl in and join him. It isn’t strange at all!

But he’s never done it here before. On the sofa in the drawing room, with all their friends around, right before lunch. Snufkin nodded off with his cards still in his hand, slumping over onto Moomin’s shoulder.

“Oh, Snuf, you’ll ache all over if you sleep like that,” Moomin had said right away, thinking little of it. To be fair, there was a patch of sunlight pouring right over them from the window, which made their seat the perfect spot for an afternoon nap. “Lay down properly, I don’t mind.”

Half-gone already, Snufkin promptly did as he was told. He took off his hat, scooted far enough away that he could lay down with his head on Moomin’s leg, and was out like a light. That was nearly twenty minutes ago, and Moomin has lost every single game he’s played since. To say he’s distracted is, perhaps, an understatement.

It’s just-- Snufkin is very soft when he’s asleep. He’s solid but not heavy, and warm like a hot water bottle. Every other breath he takes catches on a faint purr, so quiet Moomin is probably the only one in the room close enough to hear. Snufkin’s arms are curled up by his chest, the sleeves of his weathered smock riding up, and his dappled wrists are like velvet where the dark fur of his paws meets his much paler forearms.

Moomin smooths his fingers over one of Snufkin’s wrists with unending care, marveling at the texture. He’s very different from a fluffy moomin or a snork. Even his half-sisters don’t have paws or a tail or eyes that shine like lamps in the dark. He’s a creature all his own, as far as Moomin knows. Even if there were others just like him out there somewhere in the big world he so loves to travel, Moomin can’t imagine they’d hold a candle to his Snufkin. No one ever could.

“He’s really tired,” Sniff says through a mouthful of one of the cinnamon rolls leftover from breakfast. When did he filch those from the kitchen? Moomin didn’t even see him get up. “Winter must have been hard on him last year, huh?”

Moomin’s mouth is already open to scold Sniff for hogging all the leftover sweets, but that draws him up short. He blinks, and says, “I dunno. He didn’t tell me anything about it being hard.”

“He wouldn’t, would he?” My says impatiently, glowering at what must be a losing hand of cards. “You’d worry, and he would feel bad, and then he’d have to make it up to you somehow. He saves himself a lot of hassle by only telling you about the good stuff.”

Stricken, Moomin blurts, “I make him feel bad?”

“That’s not what she meant, Moomintroll,” Snorkmaiden jumps in. She looks like she’d like to pat his arm, but doesn’t want to reach over the sleeping Snufkin to do it. She settles for an affectionate smile. “She just means he’s considerate of your feelings. He would be really sorry if he hurt you, so he’s careful not to, that’s all.”

Little My says, “That’s not what I meant, you’re putting words in my mouth,” and Sniff loses interest in the conversation in favor of another roll, but Moomin thinks about it. He can’t stop thinking about it. He turns it over and over in his head, even as he goes on carefully petting one of Snufkin’s wrists.

Truly, the only things he knows about the world and Snufkin’s journeys are the things Snufkin tells him. Snufkin has sometimes told him about little things that have gone wrong, the days he only had mushrooms and berries to eat because the fish wouldn’t bite, the nights his tent leaked or let mosquitoes in. But surely he must get tired sometimes. Surely it storms, surely he gets lost, maybe he even gets hurt.

Moomin can feel his stomach turning at the idea, and realizes My has a point. If Snufkin ever told him something terrible had happened to him when he was away and all alone, Moomin would probably be sick with worry every time he left from then on, and it would turn every autumn sour.

But-- he isn’t a little child anymore. He knows better. After all these years, he knows that the three quarters of the year Snufkin stays in the valley is more of a compromise than Moomin had any right to ask for or expect. It’s blatantly going against his nature, to stay so long and return every year, but here he is for yet another summer. Here he is, deeply asleep while his friends talk and play around him, closer to them than he’s ever let himself get before, a companionship he had to learn.

Moomin thinks of how little he’s given in return and bites down on an unhappy noise before it slips out.

“Lunch is ready, everyone,” Moominmamma says from the kitchen, her voice a bit softer than usual. “We’re eating out in the yard today.”

Papa must have set up the table and chairs already, or Mama probably would have asked Moomin to help. As his friends lay aside their cards and get up to file outside, Moomin says, “Mama, can I eat later?”

“Of course, dear. I’ll put a plate aside for Snufkin, too.”

When the door closes behind her, Moomin and Snufkin are alone in the house. It’s quiet, the mealtime chatter muffled through the walls and removed from this peaceful, sun-filled room. Everything is touched with gold, dust motes winking in an out of the light.

Moomin has never been so happy to sit still. He’s a little hungry, and his leg is starting to itch, but he doesn’t want to move an inch.

“I don’t ever want you to feel bad, Snuf,” Moomin tells his sleeping friend, petting the dandelion puff of Snufkin’s hair into order with his fingers. It takes some work, since Snufkin very rarely wants anything to do with brushes, and Moomin bends all his attention to the task. “You’re always looking after me, but I’d like to look after you, too. Every now and then, at least. You hardly need it, but when you do, I’d like it to be me.”

He doesn’t want there to be a line between them that Snufkin thinks he can’t cross. He doesn’t want there to be things Snufkin can’t tell him.

Moomin will never be happy to see Snufkin leave, and he’ll always miss Snufkin when he’s gone-- but a few weeks out of the year is small change, really. And it’s always such a delight to see him in the spring that it makes the time spent missing him worthwhile. It makes Moomin’s heart race, to hear that harmonica drifting over the hills for the first time in the new year, to run headlong down the hill and crash into Snufkin’s waiting arms, to love until he aches from it.

He doesn’t think he would ever want to give up those moments of meeting again. Yearning desperately for someone isn’t a pleasant feeling, not all the time, but the giddy expectation of seeing them again is sweeter than apricot jam. Moomin is suddenly much closer to understanding part of the reason why Snufkin is so adamant about leaving in the fall.

Most of it has to do with the manner of creature he is, the wanderlust in his heart and the hungry curiosity that drives him from place to place, but perhaps some of it has to do with how nice it is to miss someone you love and be missed by them when you’re away.

“Oh,” Moomin says, very still. “Oh, I see.”

“Hmm,” Snufkin murmurs, barely rousing. “What do you see?”

Moomin shakes his head, pushing the untidy fringe out of Snufkin’s slitted eyes. The touch lingers, because it has no reason not to, his friend a familiar shape beneath his hands. “Just thinking about how clueless I’ve been, that’s all. We can talk more about it when you’re awake.”

Snufkin blinks a few times, giving the words a moment to permeate. Once he’s made sense of them, he agrees, “When I’m awake.” A pause. “You don’t look very comfortable.”

“I’d rather lie down with you than sit up anymore,” Moomin admits.

So they shuffle and maneuver themselves into a different position, a well-practiced ritual from all the stormy nights Snufkin was bullied into sharing Moomin’s bedroom over the years, and Moomin remembers the blanket Mama left for them on the table by the sofa.

The sofa’s not really meant for both a moomin and a mumrik to nap there together, but they manage. Snufkin can sleep in impossible places, and he fits really anywhere he puts his mind to. He’s mostly laying across Moomin to consolidate space, and the weight of him, and the weight of the blanket, and the weight of the sunlight touching down on them from all the windows, makes staying awake for very much longer a Herculean task.

Still, Moomin doesn’t want to sleep yet. He touches Snufkin’s hair, distracted by it, and Snufkin says, “I should cut it.”

“If you want,” Moomin says agreeably. When Snufkin cuts it, he cuts it all the way gone, and his head is left covered in an uneven fuzz not unlike the dappled fur on his wrists. Moomin likes that as much as he likes having this ridiculous mane to mess with. There’s not much about Snufkin that Moomin doesn’t like, really. “Or we could try braiding it. Mymble probably knows how.”

Snufkin makes a noise of interest at that. He’ll hold off cutting it, now. Moomin smiles at knowing him so well, and bumps his nose to the top of Snufkin’s head.

“You’re silly,” he says fondly. “Go back to sleep.”

He would chafe at this, if it were a few years ago. He would want every second of Snufkin’s attention he could have, and he would want to fill those seconds with adventures and games and memories for Snufkin to take with him into the wider world when he left, as if begging don’t forget me.

Moomin is a little embarrassed to have been that child. He was kind and thoughtful without a doubt, because he was raised that way by kind and thoughtful parents, but sometimes he was very greedy, and never more so than with Snufkin.  

Snufkin, who would never forget him. Who has seen the whole world and then some and chooses their little valley to return to, year after year. Who wrote Moomin a song of his very own, the happiest song Moomin’s ever heard, and plays it in both greeting and farewell.

One doesn’t have to be present to be here, Moomin thinks. To say Snufkin is truly gone is to say he’s not there in Moomin’s heart, and that is a lie and a falsehood and every horrible thing in between. And it’s okay to miss him, because loving him while he’s away isn’t quite the same as loving him while he’s here to hold, but it’s nothing to be sad about.

In fact, he’s rather lucky.

“Don’t forget, though,” he says, blinking through a wetness in his eyes he can’t explain. “I want to talk to you about something when we wake up.”

“Something important?” comes the mumble, muffled against Moomin’s shoulder.

“Oh, very. I have an apology for you. And an epiphany to share!”

“The apology I don’t need. But any epiphany of yours will be an inspiration.” Snufkin’s tail swings once, lazy, where it’s hanging over the side of the sofa. He stretches like melting rubber, all languid limbs and self-satisfaction. “We’ll write it into a song.”

Absurdly touched, Moomin says, “You don’t even know what it’s about yet.”

“A poem, then. A secret one, for you and me. Can you tell me what the theme will be, or am I meant to wait for the rest of this very important conversation?”

“You’re silly,” Moomin says another time, because it bears repeating. He noses Snufkin’s hair again. “I suppose I can tell you now, since it’s nothing you wouldn’t have guessed. The theme will be love.”

“Ah.” Snufkin sounds pleased, but not surprised. Moomin can feel the shape of a mumrik smile pressed to his fur. “The very best one.”

[shingia]

Yeah Tsumuxotle is cute and all...

But i think Omi and my morning routine would look sth simular to this.

i am : absolutely not surprised. like- at all. but yeah it does look like a very moomi thing <33

[ichoiheedong]

who Are You [JJK] M  pt .9

JUNGKOOK X READER

Genre: smut angst

Summary:- please y/N do this for me you already did a lot before so why not this time??“  Tali begged she looked pale and weak and you hated seeing your twin like this  you bit your lips you couldn’t tell her the truth you were hiding - but how can i just marry him , i don’t even know him  and i can’t though - we look the same he will never have a clue just do it until i recover …

one   two   three  four  five  six  seven  eight

"c'mon baby boy you need to go i now you still need to rest ,you can play with your animals tomorrow

you said getting up of your chair , you and jungkook decided to spent some time talking and having a drink in the garden as the boy played around and he was no more scared he was sitting and watching the turtles as they walked slowly and he enjoyed lifting it up and put them back in the departure point as he giggled

jungha nodded and got up

"i'm coming back tomorrow wait for me buddies ! " he sang out waving to his new friends as he hurried towards you

" let's take a bath and get you into bed alright ?" the boy nodded and you took him inside

you were happy seeing how much he liked his new room specially the bed which was a car bed and it was really a great idea so you would convince him to sleep

-

you're doing too much" you let out telling jungkook as you saw him sitting in the bed ,he raised his eyes off his phone and looked at you as you came closer

" i mean for the boy , he is more than happy now

jungkook grinned brushing your forearm skin "it's nothing i like to do that and see him happy

" i'm so sorry , jungkook i think you will spend the rest of your vocation here when you took two weeks for the trip

" i'm totally okay with this as long as you're here with me you blushed looking to your thighs as he rubbed on your skin

"i'm going to change "you let out and headed towards the closet and you ended up choosing a pajama shorts  

jungkook was lightening your favorite candles when you stepped in

"oh i thought you slept " you said coming closer to the bed

" i'm planning to cuddle with you , i missed you though he added

you both laid on your shared bed , jungkook was comfortably laying his head on the pillows as he held you to his chest ; his hand kept massaging your arm before he stopped

"jungkook you hissed his name softly and he hummed in response

"can i ask you something ? you let out without looking up to meet his gaze but you would know he was worried you felt that when his breath hitched and you sighed you wanted to know a lot about him , how he spent his teens days how he fell for you and why he didn't feel how much different your skin was of your sister's you couldn't deny how jealous you were every time thinking of him touching her moaning your name that was insane

"tell me hun ,what's going on he whispered lowly this time letting his palm resting on the small of your back as he pulled you closer to him

"what if one day i will change jungkook will you still love me the same "you finally let out not sure if he got what you meant

he pulled his arm out and wrapped them around your shoulder as his hands waved into your long hair tilting  your face towards him ,your eyes met and for seconds you thought he would just smack his lips into yours but he just closed his eyes sighing before reconnecting with your gaze

" don't worry about this , we're still novice we would have ups and downs and life will make us change but i would always suspect if something happens with you ,, you know when we firstly met i was heart broken and i really wanted to know you when you firstly showed up wearing that hoodie you looked so pure and innocent and so ready to get into fights though

you both chuckled as he continued " and as things got fucked up and i didn't meet you again i felt scared asking you about your feelings when we met again

"how ?you asked frowning

" i mean you kissed me back when i did kiss you , you even initiate sex when we met and i couldn't really understand how but it's already three years and people change , didn't you he let out and you felt like you wanted to shout , god!! how to tell him  that girl wasn't you ?

" who was your first love? the girl you told me that she cheated on you "you bravely asked and jungkook arm muscles tensed he got annoyed talking about that before but now he didn't really wanted to hide any thing from you

" she was older than me and i fell for her for that "

"you never told me you're into older women before you said resting your chin on his chest  as he caressed your back

" y/N i wasn't that kind of good boys before i liked playing with girls feeling hurting them because of her ,she was strong independent successful and i liked the atmosphere around her every thing was tempting and she was so cute when i was around so heartless when i leave and that's what i started to noticed as days went by , i tried to take a break and started to have friends around and i tried to see other girls but i couldn't forget about her ,but when i came back to see her i found out that she moved on telling me i was just a little toy and i still need to be a man to win her ; i was about to go into fights because of that but i backed up reality was cruel but you were there when i got my rights together and i felt something different when our eyes locked i felt like the man inside of me finally find out something interesting for him to live again

you were carefully listening ,jungkook was so warm and nice to you and only because of tali you need to sacrifice you felt mad all of sudden why would you always be the one who sacrifice, you were always there when she needs you why will you give her your love and man when she hadn't the right why !! you let out a broken sigh and jungkook immediately caught your face into his warm palms

"i'm sorry did this story annoyed you, baby tell me "

"no i'm just feeling sorry for what happened , and i'm thankful for you because how much you are in love with me

"i will be always min y/N he let out kissing you and you melted into his warm hug as he gently rubbed on your back while he nibbled on your lips eager to taste you more and more when his tongue get in dominating yours

you both lazily enjoyed making out sometimes giggling if his fingers slipped to touch your side and he found it funny to tease you

" you're my sweetheart jungkook said panting as you touched his swollen lip and you leaned on picking his nose few times tickling him

"mommy!!! a low voice came from the outside and you clinched turning to look at the door as you heard a slight knock

jungkook was the first to jump out of his bed to check the sleepy cute boy standing in front of the door

"big boy what going on you couldn't sleep

"no i saw a scary nightmare , can i .. he sniffled and jungkook just lift him up and closed the door

his eyes locked with yours and he grinned reassuring you as you were looking at your son coming closer as he immediately grabbed your arm when jungkook put him in your bed

"scared, crying jungha looked so small and you wanted to cry he was always sleeping next to you  and you just thought how he passed his night when you were so far

"my love you said squeezing him into your arms "

"jungkook pulled the sheets and brought an other pillow from the couch placing it on the bed as you watched him

"c'mon jungha lay down here you will not see nightmare when you're with your parents "jungkook reassured him taking him off your hands and placed him on his spot between you and him

the boy's face beamed and you felt your heart racing flattering seeing jungkook tickling him and flipping him all over before placing him into his chest jungkook was like a kid playing with his son you gulped realizing the scene in front of your eyes jungkook was looking happy giggling and screaming like a baby too he was jungha's father but he couldn't even know and you were the one to blame

"enough you too , let's just sleep you said frowning and both of them looked at you then burts out laughing

"moomy is always serious when it comes to bed time ,"

"and you should do what mommy says okay big boy "

"yes he said and cutely moved to lay next to jungkook

both laying quietly and you were just admiring them ,your happiness and life

"mommy " the boy sang out stretching his hand up to you and you took the hint , slowly took your bed side and circled his little frame as he finally slept jungkook really drained his energy and speaking of him he was also sleeping soundly

next morning you were first to wake up you felt jungha little feet touching your head and you looked to the side surprising the boy was sleeping into jungkook chest as the men wrapped him closer they looked really cute and it ached your heart more specially seeing the similarity in their faces

you quickly grabbed your phone and captured a picture so you would change your home page and what's better than this !!!

-

you were done preparing the breakfast when both jungkook and your boy walked in they both were singing and you could feel that the little kid forced him to sing along because he didn't even know the lyrics

" c'mon just sit so we can eat and we will go out later

" mommy i want to go and play with my turtles can i now?

"sure sweetie

"i got them names too he shouted excited and you both giggled along

so what did you plan for them

"doris ,korish for parents and the kiddo name it will be jayjay  he sang out cutely as you and jungkook looked at him sipping his juice totally mesmerized by him he was energetic and full of life

"what will you do today ?" you asked jungkook

" i still have five days to spend with you so i will just enjoy your company , where do you want us to go

"lotte world the boy let out and you grinned

jungkook high fived him " i'm in good choice

"are you both serious "

" yeah ,what you want us to go camp outside ? he teased and you rolled your eyes

"it's the best i can do "

as you were getting ready jungkook was dealing with the little kid so they both get ready and you looked surprised when they stepped outside both wearing jeans and light blue dress shirts with timberlands and the most important thing was they even got the same black hat in their hands

we're ready mommy !" the boy said excited and you chuckled seeing how jungkook was enjoying this

"big boy look at your mom she even didn't wear a blue dress ,

you looked down to your black dress

"you're not serious jungkook !!

"yeah i'am he said pushing you again in the dress section he searched for something matched with his outfits and he smirked seeing the dress

"this !!, c'mon hun put this on and get out we're late

you sighed and get inside changing and as you all made it out the room

your day was great as you enjoyed playing and walking around the lotte world was getting more crowded  as it approached to 4 pm

you decided to just go have some snacks in one of the near restaurant it was really fun today

"excuse me i will go wash my hands , jungkook nodded as you left your chair heading to the restroom and suddenly you felt someone crushing into you pinning you

you panicked you wanted to shout but it was really impossible as he pressed your mouth

"Do you know how much i searched i thought i would see you clubbing at night baby not hanging out in a park ??

Who was he!! You looked into his face he was tall and strong and more than that he looked handsome and from his jacket you would know he was rich

"Who are you you let out scared as you finally got a chance to speak

" that's not cool Tali ..well let's suppose you forget my name bit  i know you would never forget the way i made you feel hmm

"No please get way from me i'm not Tali you said pushing him and you couldn't shout not when jungkook was there and he could find out

" tali sweetie stop this joke that's not cool let me just take you somewhere else so we can talk

" listen , i said i'm not tali i'm her sister and i'm sure you are mistaken us and at the moment he backed up a step frowning he looked to your body from head to toe examining you and he smirked "no you're not but i like you really worked out so well can i just see this my self he said touching your waist

"Hands off" jungkook voice echoed on the place as he harshly pushed the guy

"who are you?? the guy let out ready to fight back as you gripped the wall

"i would ask you the same? why are you trying to hit on a married woman!"!

"married!! this bitch is married !!goood since when! were you cheating on him all the time he shouted making your lips parted as you shivered

"how fucking dare you "jungkook said finally allowed his fist to do the job and hit the guy hard so he ended up laying on the floor

some people noticed what happened and they intervened trying to stop them

" Tali you're gonna regret this one day he shouted and you kept your mouth shouting as you looked at your furious husband

"you okay?? jungkook let out checking you and you nodded

"i'm so sorry , you hissed tearing up "

"c'mon let's go back to our table jungha is alone and i'm sure you need to calm down

" he was mistaken me i told him i'm not the girl he wanted but he didn't stop

" i will broke his ribs if i see him again jungkook hugged you closer and then he dragged you to the place where jungha waited for you to come

his face lightened as he saw both of you coming towards him

-

you couldn't forget what happened and you didn't hesitate to tell your sister about what happened so you could really get some information but she couldn't help and of course she would be confused she freaking knew all korea guys in just few years and it scared you what if someone did the same later

jungkook will get confused and you weren't ready to face him ,not now when you are both having a good life

-

"jayjay if you reach the point in five minutes i will give you candy " jungha talked putting the small animal on the grass and started counting

you chuckled as you watched him playing , you were alone this morning as jungkook said he had a meeting and you sat on the swing waiting for him

when you heard his car engine turned off you grinned relief ran in all of your body

"baby you shouted looking to the gate ,but the surprise was he wasn't alone

"oh what a surprise oppa !!" you sang out walking towards them

" sweetie how are you , yoongi stepped towards you and you hugged him

"i'm happy to see you welcome

you looked to your husband knowing he was waiting for you to hug him so you just picked his cheek

" can we order something from my favorite restaurant you let out

"too late sister i already ordered sea food when i was coming

"great then let's all have lunch here "

"emm let's do this because later we have something to show you jungkook added calling for the boy as he ran towards his uncle

"hyung is here yaay i missed you

"i did miss you too , y/N can i take him for tonight "yoongi asked and you nodded

"i can't trust someone better than you

"so mommy can i go and sleep in grandpa house

"sure

"yaaaay

"and why you like it there? jungha jungkook asked as he took him into his arms

"because hyung will let me touch his piano ?

"oh so you will really like it here if you got a piano

jungkook he didn't mean than you giggled stop it you know jungkook was trying to win this time

" yaaas hyung you said i can be good musician if i kept working hard

"sure yoongi added chuckling and that's why jungkook brought you something

you all stopped talking when some one pushed the big gate and it was two men

they greeted you and brought the big box inside carefully placing it on the opened living room

jungkook passed to talk to them as you watched , you could guess what he was doing and when he was done he asked you to come closer

you hold the boy and along with yoongi you all walked towards the living room

"omg omg the kid shouted asking you to drop him quickly so he would go check his new friend and this time it was something he wanted so bad

" it's for you i hope you will have fun learning

" so that's what you were doing the whole morning guys you let out asking your husband and brother

jungha sat immediately letting his short fine fingers touch the keys as he randomly pressed

"so cool woaah ! thank you so much the boy said carefully leave his seat and ran to hug jungkook who immediately lift him up

" can i call you daddy" the chock on your face was obvious as you felt how much  guilty you are yoongi was feeling sorry for you and you felt this when your eyes locked he nodded and you sighed

"jungkook was happy ,jungha was happy your family was cute and a lot wanted to get what you had but fears were there , tali was there too and you felt how much your next days will be hard to live after seeing her text

"i'm coming back next week ...

so  guys every reader now knows that tali is coming back hahaha

get ready !!

[moomiesblog-blog]

The Imperfect Life

Hey out there in the silent but yet so loud world wide web.

Did you ever stop to consider your life? Have you ever seen your life through other people's eyes? I try to sometimes. It's not an easy task and it is most certainly not something I enjoy watching. Well sometimes yeah, but the times I stop is often times I feel bad about something I did or something I said or thought.

We often choose to share the perfect moments on social media. We do this to make people see how happy we are, or at least how happy we want you to think we are. This is why I will try to share the pain of life too. Having lived for over 30 years, this gives me quite a few experiences to tell you about, and you may or may not already have read my suicide note, or my confessions of the evil monster that hits my children.

There is also a perverted side to me. A sick and twisted side. Not the sexual kind but the dangerous and dark side. The side I am afraid of. The side I hope will never control my action ever in my life.

I have sometimes thought, and told my husband, that if anyone ever hurt our children I would hunt them down and slice the genitals off of them like an animal. This is actually something my mom used to say she would do, so maybe the apple didn't fall so far from the tree. The difference between my mom and I, I hope and I think is true, is that I am not joking. I have thought it through. And I am not afraid of being put in jail if that is what it takes to hunt down and hopefully kill a person if they do not deserve to live after hurting my little loved ones.

I sound like a crazy person, and maybe I am. But I have never had a reason to act on any of my crazy thoughts and I hope by all that is good, that I never will.

I am the type that has calculated the route from my bedroom to my kitchen knives, and how I would run naked after them as a distraction if anyone ever broke into my home. Have you? Or do you have bat right next the bed?

Now I will go and make sure my children feel loved and safe before having another great day with them.

Thank you for listening, and remember that violence is never the solution, but if someone attacks you, you better win.

Have a great day or evening whereever you may come from <3

Hugs from Moomie

[moomie-marketing]

Lots of symptoms, don’t know what to be worried about (not first timer) – by: Kayp1

Hi This will be my 3rd baby, after 2 premies, and one miscarriage. This is a very latecomer to the family, oldest 14 (girl,32wks, healthy at birth, overnight NICU, home in 4days), youngest 10(boy,30wks,6wkes NICU, anal antresia, ventilator for a week, many surgeries in time that folowed, none for years). They are both super healthy with no complications as they’ve grown up. I am currently 25 wks pregnant with another girl. I got a McDonald stitch at 15weeks. We are in another province, but my doc knows the history, and assisted my sister as well with a successful pregnancy after she also had 2 premies that did not survive. He is very nice, and I hear only good things. Problem is, this entire pregnancy has been very unpleasant for me. I have had pain and discomfort throughout, no "enjoyable" moments, like you would expect. I know many things are "normal", but I can’t help think something is wrong. I did mention to doc, had a list with last apt, but he is happy, baby is growing very well, even though she is already squashed. I know that my previous experiences contribute to me being paranoid. I don’t want to run to doc for everything, but also don’t want to leave something that should have been checked. I can’t afford many tests etc. Here’s my symptom/concern list : Severe pain in my right side, just behind ribs and below, sometimes going down to pelvis, shoulder blades (I know also can be normal), like a torn muscle, but this is severe, I can’t inhale well, can’t lay or sit down properly, does not get better when I do. I had it a while back as well, but contributed to all the coughing from reflux. Last week I have been very nauseous again, and have thrown up couple times. I have had bad reflux throughout, but that has also been worse, and vomit actually burns and tastes bitter and sour at same time. Dr gave me 20 nexium tablets couple of visits ago, but it did not make much difference, so I am using gelacid, which works much better than the gaviscon. Of course this also means sharp pain in mid chest/sternum, I know backache is also normal, but especially in mornings I can barely stand, nevermind walk. It takes a long time to get going. I do make a point of laying on my (left) side, as recommended. I feel weak all the time, not just tired and fatigued, have constant headaches. Each time I have my bloodpressure checked by someone, it is normal, but when I home check (wrist monitor), it is very low (95 and below,usually 80’s/65 and below). At my last apt monday, doc said BP is bit higher than usual, not much, but he checked again after exam, and said see, it’s normal now, but I don’t know what the reading was. Generally I have "perfect bloodpressure"). I had a severe rash, actually hives all over my face 2 weeks ago, kind of hives I get from shelfish, bit no tight chest, just itching and burning, and hives. Went to pharmacy, they gave me allergex ointment. All I had before then was a banana and an apple, no creams either. I have been itchy all over for some time, mentioned to doc, he requested liver function and bile acid bloodwork, but lab phoned me following day saying they require upfront cash payment, which I don’t have. Mainly my face, neck, forearms, hands-top and palms, between fingers, thighs, mid calf and down, and sides of feet, top of toes are itchy. Baby is generally very, very busy. Past saturday baby’s movements reduced drastically on sturday, I got very worried, but in the evening started feeling very light movements, so waited, as I had apt on monday. Was the same sunday, little more monday. Doc was ok with wovement, but said if it happens again I must come right away. I just feel really crappy, to be honest. I phoned twice previously with questions/concern, and doc’s "ladies" just said "I don’t know, go to your GP". She had me in tears once, my colleague was very concerned, so I’m actually too scared to just phone in. Please advise.

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