#monster donks

[struno2841]

stupid fucking monster drawing im so tired of everything

Stupid fucking process I dont know I hate myself and everything else

Behold the red monster of flowers, fruits and blood yippee im gonna go cry now

[redwineconversation]

Olympique Lyonnais Behind the Scenes (Episode 6)

Kind of like last month's segment, I didn't want to do this one either because of how annoying fucking stans are. They genuinely make me want to not translate / transcribe things because they have an inability to just take a step back and act like a normal human being / football fan. However, I also want [normal?] people to get to a point where they can understand this team the way I do, so it leads us to this: me screaming into the void at how much I hate stans overstepping boundaries while I translate a genuine cause of sleep paralysis.

Again, I feel this would be simpler if OLPlay would let one screen record and my technology skills were better, but here we are. Can't have everything in life.

Blah blah standard disclaimers apply; @OL Comms Dept either chip in for Starbucks or a bottle of wine, I'm cool with either option; banning stans from stadiums would make the sport a better place; what won't I do to put off vacuuming? Apparently not much; y'all know the speech by now.

Come for Cascarino being unable to hide her Lyon DNA, stay for Becho's admiration of the likable red team. Love a team who literally recoils in horror at the thought of being seen as human. It's not that Lyon creates monsters, they honestly don't. The players were already monsters before they signed for Lyon, the only thing Lyon did was take the muzzle off.

OLYMPIQUE LYONNAIS BEHIND THE SCENES (EPISODE 6)

[LYON -SLAVIA PRAGUE GAME FOOTAGE]

Danielle van de Donk: We had a draw against Slavia Prague at home as well. It was a bit frustrating, it was just not nice for us because we wanted to get into a nice flow.

Vicki Becho: It's not the kind of performance we want to do, it's not the kind of result we want. So it was disappointing for us, for our fans. It's the type of performance we have to keep in mind to tell ourselves there are still lots of things to work on, and that we have to do much more.

[OPENING SEQUENCE]

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE]

Delphine Cascarino: After the draw against Slavia Prague, we wanted to do much better, and then we played against Reims. There was good content in the game.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: I was really happy for Euge[nie Le Sommer] because she was going through a complicated period and that she scored, I was really, really happy for her. I remember Eugenie's brace because I provided the assist on one of her goals. Having playing time again, getting some minutes under my belt, it was the best of things. And in that game, when I provided the assist, I'm happy. That's what I take away from it. Beyond that, I told myself that I can do much better and those are just the kind of performances I should keep in mind to do even more.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

van de Donk: Eugenie [Le Sommer] scored her 300th goal, so that was amazing for her. And I saw the people in the stands with the little paper going up. Everyone on the bench was asking what that was for, I think it was Laura [Benkarth] and I explained to her that she [Le Sommer] had 300 goals for Lyon, which is just amazing. It's great, they're so much more up to date than I am. They're actually very helpful.

Cascarino: Obviously - obviously we were happy for Eugenie [Le Sommer] because she deserves that status of top scorer for Olympique Lyonnais. And yeah, I hope she will score many more. It's quite frankly exceptional for her and the club. It shows that she's really a club legend.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: There was a good context within the game. However we conceded a goal, so that was - that was a negative.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: Conceding a goal is never easy, be it for the goalkeeper or even for the forwards. We owe it to ourselves at Olympique Lyonnais to not concede any goals.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: We won, but it remains super frustrating because we've been conceding quite a lot lately. At the beginning of the season we weren't conceding at all. Lately we've been conceding more. We need to do better. We know our previous performances haven't been that good, we need to do better in terms of defense, and offensively we need to do much better.

[LYON - STADE DE REIMS GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: At the end of the game, when I saw Eugenie, I said to her "Another one? Another record? How am I supposed to catch up to you?" [Becho laughs. I don't] No, I really like to tease Eugenie. I'm really happy for her. She leaves such a big imprint at Lyon and even in French women's football, and global women's football. And I know that for many girls, she's a role model.

van de Donk: After the game, in the locker room, we celebrated of course with the song and everything. We did a little bit extra for Eugenie [Le Sommer], of course, because it's just amazing to achieve that.

[TRAINING FOOTAGE]

[UWCL DRAW FOOTAGE]

Cascarino: So there was the possibility between Benfica, Ajax and Hacken. We landed on Benfica, who is a really good team. So yeah, we know it won't be easy. They drew 4-4 against Barcelona. So we're expecting a really good opponent.

Becho: They can cause problems for us, so we will need to avoid falling into their trap. We'll need to play really good football to get past them. I would have liked to have played against Ajax, I see what they're doing this season and honestly it's incredible. They manage to sell out their stadium, they're doing a lot of things. So they're a really good team that I wanted to play against. In any case, to win this competition we have to beat the best.

van de Donk: I do think Benfica is like very tricky, they're all very technical players. I feel it's just like the Portuguese team. As we experienced it lately with the Netherlands, they're quite hard. But yeah, I'm just very excited. I mean, they're kind of my style of football so I love to see them play, now I have to play against them. They want to keep possession all the time, they have all the skills. It's just going to be frustrating, but we're just not going to have to bite, you know. And then get them when they're the most - I don't know how you say it - when they're the most vulnerable?

van de Donk: The thing is, when you build it from the back, that's kind of my quality, coming out with the press[ing]. I know when to go, so when people do it, it's fine for me. But I do think that Lyon has a good press. It's kind of our game.

[MICHELE KANG FOOTAGE]

Cascarino: Honestly, it was positive than it ended - that it became official, but unofficially we knew that the club had been sold to Michele Kang, so it was just formalities that needed to be sorted out. Now it's done and we can move forward with peace of mind.

Becho: We talked about it a lot. We heard a lot of people talking about it as well. But as long as it wasn't done, we couldn't look ahead as much as we can now. And now we have peace of mind. We know there is someone there for us, we know there is someone who wants us to have the best possible conditions. We know our future is set, so there aren't any worries in that regard. We're very happy on our side.

Becho: She hadn't even officially taken over her role and she was already doing a lot for us. We saw the number of staff members increase. A lot of things changed. For the better, but with the caveat President Aulas had already done an enormous amount for us. Knowing there will be this person going forward, it was reassuring for us.

Cascarino: Since Michele Kang's arrival, there has been a lot of positive changes. There's almost as many staff members as there are players. So it shows we're becoming even more professional. We're getting even closer to what is done for the men's teams. So it's really positive for Olympique Lyonnais. In every area, whether it's nutrition, fitness preparation, psychology, mental health, in every area, if there's any doubt then we have someone we can ask questions to. It really helps us to reach the highest level.

van de Donk: We were kept up to date with how the process was going with Michele [Kang] buying our side, of course. Because as soon as she stepped foot in our changing room, when I met her, I was blown away by her. I think she's amazing. She's going to do very, very good stuff for women's football. So yeah, I'm a big fan, not going to lie. When I heard it was done, it was just a nice feeling. I think we're in good hands.

van de Donk: She's so involved with the women's side. She was already making so many changes for us. You can tell that she wants things to be better and bigger, which is really nice for the next steps of professionalism in women's football. When it was all done, because everything in France takes a while I think, I think it was very good. I was very happy.

[TRAINING FOOTAGE]

Becho: You're not allowed to lose a Lyon - PSG game. You're not allowed to lose. Those are the types of games we like to play, those are the types of games we want to play.

Cascarino: We know that PSG knows us by heart, we know them by heart. So it really comes down to tactics to win the game. We worked really hard in preparation for PSG. We worked really, really hard on tactics that week.

van de Donk: Every time we play against PSG, it's just - it's wild. I think everyone goes into a different mindset. I think everyone is just a little bit more focused because the rivalry, it's just amazing. It's just a different kind of level, everyone just really wanted to beat them.

van de Donk: Before the big games, we do a lot of tactical training during training sessions [news to anyone who has watched Bompastor coach recently]. It's not necessarily my favorite part of training sessions, but I like all the small stuff, all the small games, the technical stuff. But I do think we need all the tactical stuff. But it was good. You can taste what kind of game you're going to play or something. It's hard to describe how it is if you're not a player yourself. But normally you have a whole week to prepare. So the beginning of the week it's a bit more chill, a bit more jokey, we can have a bit more of a laugh during training. But before PSG it's just not like that, everyone is focused, "we need to get this and go."

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE]

Cascarino: It was a pretty close game, pretty difficult.

Becho: We started the game off well. We started really strong, we managed to press pretty high, we're in their half. We had chances.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: As time went by our level dropped, we weren't pressing as much, there was a slower reaction time. We weren't unified. We were a little - how to say this - we were late in the press, and it could be felt. The team opposite us starts to gain the upper hand over us.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

van de Donk: Obviously they have a good team, super fast wingers. On the midfield, I feel they just overload us. The attackers are dropping into the midfield so we're having to play four or five against three. It's going to get complicated if we don't do the defending very well.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: It was pretty frustrating to see that we weren't able to do it.

van de Donk: They had one long ball on Chawinga. It's complicated because she's just super fast. It was outside of the foot, I remember. So it was actually a very good goal, but it's just hard. Don't allow them anything and you give one long ball away and it's goal.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: For the whole game we didn't give them any opportunities, and that's - that's the top level. If we let them have one opportunity, we'll pay for it. We told ourselves that we had done everything not to concede that goal, but yeah. We conceded. So now we have to switch on.

van de Donk: No, losing is just not an option for us. There's certain players on the team who make sure we're not losing. They keep the standards very high and whenever we need to be picked up, they will pick us up. I think it was kind of an equal game, like both parties were in the "gray, but not bad". It was just a bit of a weird phase in the game. Luckily, when Delph[ine Cascarino] came in, she changed the game so, so much.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: I felt that the team needed help in that moment and was losing 1-0, so you have to take risks. You really can't hesitate to go into a challenge, and press for a goal.

Becho: I think it's harder to come on when the team is behind, because you don't have the same way to react. When you're losing, you want to do everything quickly, you want to score, you want to equalize. When I came on, I said to myself it will come from us, the substitutes. The game was at a bit of a stalemate. You have to bring something extra to the team. They have to feel like we are there for them, that they can count on us, that we're a relief.

Cascarino: It wasn't easy to come into the game, especially a game like that with so much intensity. But I owed it to myself to give it my best for the team.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: Delphine [Cascarino], when she comes on, we know what she is capable of. The opponent knows it too. But I don't think they were expecting her to do it so quickly and at that moment. Delphine got the ball and she did what she had to do, what she knows to do.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: Well in that moment I felt there weren't really any solutions because they were defending well, really, really well. They're playing one-on-ones. I could feel when I got the ball PSG as hesitating. So I took advantage of it and faked passing in order to dribble past some players. Then I put in a strong cross. I said to myself "it doesn't matter, Ada [Hegerberg] is a little behind." But I put weight on it anyway. And she managed to get the defender off balance enough to put the ball at the back of the net.

Cascarino: At that moment we - you're not thinking. You're acting on instinct. I saw there was a small amount of space. I scampered into it and it paid off. Sometimes it doesn't work, it depends. It depends on the situation. It depends on a lot of things.

van de Donk: Delph[ine Cascarino] did this trick with her leg, it was crazy. She runs with the ball. She's super fast, first of all. It's hard to keep up with her. And then she does stuff with her leg in the air, and she keeps going and goes past you. It's just done.

Cascarino: It made me happy in the moment to have been at the origin, if we can call it that, of the equalizing goal. But I was still disappointed with the final result because we didn't win the game.

[LYON - PSG GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: We weren't able to put forth the style of play that we wanted, but we didn't lose and that's what we should take away from it.

[OLPLAY STUDIO ANALYSIS]

van de Donk: I had no idea where Montauban was, it was a bit of a shock. It was quite far as well. But it was a cool game to be fair, I think they had a good crowd going on.

Becho: The away trip to Montauban, it reminded me a little of the away trips when I was young. You could tell the crowd was family-leaning.

Cascarino: Montbaunan was playing the game of their lives. It was good, the crowd was really pushing them to play well, so it was nice, we like those sorts of games.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE]

van de Donk: Games like that, they always start off a bit weird because the pitch is not as good, the opponent is fired up because they're fired up because they're playing against Lyon. They always go the extra mile, I would say, a bit harder in tackles and everything.

Cascarino: We gave ourselves a fright at the start. Unfortunately I gave away a penalty. I think it was the first time in my career.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Cascarino: Maybe subconsciously there was a little bit of carelessness. Maybe a bit of tiredness as well. The month of February is never easy physically. So maybe that's why there was a bit of a drop-off.

van de Donk: I think we're just very patient as a team. Instead of killing them straight away, I think we're like "get into the game first, play our game, and then the goals will come". In the end that was true, but the second half was more easy.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: It was nice but in that moment, I wasn't thinking that- I was frustrated. Like I said, we've been conceding more goals lately, and it's something that I really hate. We are Lyon, and we - I want no team to think they can beat us or even think to themselves that we tossed them a bone or that they got something from us. No. We can't let them have anything. So I was frustrated to have conceded that goal.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

van de Donk: Yeah, everything is a bit harder, it's a bit always - when you start the game, then after five minutes you know what kind of game it's going to be or how they are exactly. But that's why they are a bit more hard. I think it's a bit more difficult but very exciting always.

Becho: In the end, when you could see even the substitutes, Eugenie [Le Sommer] come on, Ada [Hegerberg] come on. We know we're a team where you can count on everybody.

Cascarino: Yes, the second half was much better and the goals kept coming.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON GAME FOOTAGE CONT'D]

Becho: After that, we were really happy to see Alyssia [Paljevic - former Lyon academy goalkeeper, best known for being the same height as Selma Bacha], who used to play with us. We were happy as well because we qualified for the semifinal.

[MONTAUBAN - LYON POSTGAME FOOTAGE]

van de Donk: Before the game I saw Alyssia, our little goalie from last year. I think she's amazing, she's such a good kid. So it was really nice to see her but I could tell in her eyes that she was a little bit down. I figured it's because she didn't start the game. But for her it was really nice, she came on so she could play against her old club. She's just amazing, I love her.

[INTERNATIONAL BREAK]

Becho: We're leaving for the international break.

Cascarino: First of all I really happy to be called up by the head coach. It was really nice for me to go back to the French National Team and play in my city [Lyon] as well. So it's really a pleasure for me to play in the Groupama Stadium. And yeah, we were really happy to have won.

Becho: In the final, we were playing against Spain. They were playing at home. We know that in that moment we have an entire stadium against us. But it's okay, we tell ourselves it's a final, it's the League of Nations. We have to win it. They were better than us, we're not going to hide it. They had a better game plan than us, we tried to play with what we had.

Cascaarino: They played really well tactically. They really moved the ball around, they really lulled us. And yeah, we know it, it's the style of play that they have and it worked. Unfortunately for us we weren't able to impose our style of play and, yeah. I came on as a substitute. It was complicated to come on in that type of game, especially when we were down 2-0. We weren't able to get any goals back.

Cascarino: Now we are ready for the month of March and we hope we will win everything in the month.

[wolfface2]

EYE BLEED

[whatisurgatepolicy]

Myself and the player of the only wizard Rhea likes, Donk the half-orc, are thinking of getting the band back together for a normal session and absolutely not tricking our DM into a Dungeon Meshi campaign BECAUSE WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT aside from the times we did ask to roll survival checks to eat monsters in the underdark.

(I'm trying very hard to get him to play BG3 due to his love of Minsc/BG1+2 but he's so far resistant. But I just wanna get some of our tiny party back in the underdark in multiplayer mode hahahaha.)

[berryhobii]

Baby Mama Drama(jjk x reader)

Pairing: BabyDaddy!Jeon Jungkook x BabyMama!Female!Reader

Word Count: 3.2K+

Warnings: reader and Jungkook coparent, they have a daughter who is mentioned but doesn’t appear in the story, reader and Jungkook technically aren’t together but they still love each other and fool around🥴, reader irritates the hell out of JK but he can’t stay mad at them, reader is definitely a little toxic, Smut(18+ but I don’t control what you consume), oral(m and f receiving), 69 position, the sloppiest of top, face riding, fingering, reverse cowgirl, reader rides like a pro, missionary, reader has a tattoo🤭, reader is also dragging that wagon, reader also also has that certified WAP, reader is flexible, squirting, unprotected s*x(don’t do this and then turn into this couple), creampie, dirty talk, one face slap, multiple ass slaps like seriously JK is obsessed with reader’s badonk a donk, a little degradation and a dash of dumbification

A/N: I’M BACK EVERYONE!🥳for anyone who didn’t read my last post, my tumblr was suspended for a little while so that’s why I wasn’t posting. Anyway, it’s over so I’m back to work. This is a piece inspired by @joonberriess and their Sleazy!JK storyline. Shoutout to them. I love everything about the way they write JK and reader so definitely check them out if you haven’t already! Their stories make me want a sleazy baby daddy who can’t leave me the hell alone but I know I’ll never be able to handle that in real life so fictional is good enough for me!🤣this fic is just kind of a reverse of theirs where I made reader a sleazy and jealous baby mama. I know this kind of behavior is a stereotype among the black community but I am in no way condoning it. It’s just fiction and meant to be entertaining. Anyway, please let me know what you guys think as I am always open to criticism and please look forward to my upcoming posts! Much love and thanks for reading 🤎🤎🤎

~

“So, do you have any kids?”

Taking a sip of his drink, Jungkook nodded. “Yeah, one. A daughter. You?”

“Two. Their father is an absolute nightmare though. Thank goodness we have a court order. I can’t even be in the same room as him without wanting to pull all my hair out.” She bitterly laughed with a shake off her head, tossing the rest of her drink back. “What about you? Is your child’s mother a monster?”

Jungkook titled his head, a strained chuckle leaving him. “Um, well she’s…..something.”

The woman hummed. “I get it. A real bitch, huh? I hate women like that. Ones who can’t let their baby daddy’s go and are somehow always around. So annoying. Like don’t you have something better to do?”

“Yeah and I do it 4 times a week in my Queen sized bed.”

Jungkook stiffened at the sound of that familiar voice. There was only one person he knew that spoke that crassly to strangers.

The scent of your perfume and the smell of the mousse you used on your braids invaded his space and solidified that shit was about to go downhill.

The woman, who’s name he don’t think he ever caught, made a noise of surprise once you appeared before her. Your body stood right between her and Jungkook, forcing her to step back a little. Arms crossed over your chest and hip cocked out to the side, your eyes roamed up and down this woman’s body in a scrutinizing manner.

“And who are you?”

Leaning back a little, you plopped yourself right on Jungkook’s lap.

Looking her up and down once more, you answered simply with a big smile, “I’m unimpressed. Nice to meet you.”

Ignoring you for a moment, the woman looked around you to make eye contact with Jungkook who was shooting her a look that screamed, “please walk away!” She didn’t really understand what was going on. Who were you and why did you walk into their conversation on 10 like that? It was one thing to interrupt a conversation but to be that disrespectful to someone you didn’t even know? That didn’t go down well in her book.

Copying your previous stance, the woman replied, “Well I’m unimpressed with your attitude. Didn’t your mother ever teach you any manners?”

“No but she taught me to how to wrap a bitch’s hair around my wrist and keep swinging until my arm gets tired.” Your smile was sugary sweet but your words cut deep like knives. The woman was stunned. No one has ever spoken to her this way and it was a rude awakening. She didn’t even know how to respond.

Not wanting to see you demonstrate your mother’s teachings, Jungkook quickly stood to his feet. “Well, we should really be going. It was nice meeting you. Let’s go.” He grabbed your arms to start pushing you away from the woman.

“No it wasn’t!” You called out, both of you leaving the shocked woman by herself.

Once you two had made it outside, Jungkook’s frustration boiled over.

“What the hell is wrong with you? Why is it everytime I meet someone, you show up and scare them off? We aren’t together anymore. Is it not getting through your head? Like what the hell-“

His rant was flying right over your head because all you could focus on was how unbelievably sexy he looked today. How dare he walk outside like that? And he was going to waste all of that on some random stranger in a bar? Yeah right. Not as long as you had a say about it.

Your greedy eyes trailed from the top of his head to those bulging veins in his neck and down to his soft cock that was pressing against his jeans. Whew, just imaging that monster had your panties sticking to you. It was so big and warm and when he was giving you back shots…..

“Are you listening to me?”

You blinked a few times, your eyes slowing raising until they met the searing glare of your baby daddy.

“Uh yeah. Something about airline prices. So what are you doing tonight?”

Jungkook couldn’t fucking believe you. God you pissed him off to no end but he always had a way of letting off some steam.

“Let’s go. Now.”

“Yes sir.” You purred with that mischievous glint in your eye. Jungkook’s own eye twitched at the implications behind your tone but he decided to ignore it in favor of turning around to begin walking to his car, you hot on his heels and a Cheshire like grin on your face because you were getting what you wanted.

The drive back to his place was quiet, as was the ride up the elevator and the living room as he moved to sit down. He didn’t even raise his eyes to look at you once since you got in the car. Although you could see right through his petty act.

Flopping down on the couch next to him, your head leaning against your hand, you said, “come on, baby. You’re not still mad at me, are you? I said I’m sorry.”

No answer.

Moving closer to him, your hand trailed over his chest and up to his face to turn his head to face you, lips just centimeters apart. This wouldn’t be the first time you were on the receiving end of his heated glare and it certainly wouldn’t be the last but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t turn you on.

“What do I have to say for you to forgive me? I hate when you’re mad at me, baby.”

“Then stop doing shit that pisses me off and I won’t be.” He fired back, that low tone of his sending shocks down your spine.

“I’m sorry. Now let me make it up to you.” He could pick up on that sultry voice anywhere and those bedroom eyes you were currently shooting him was a dead giveaway as well.

He rolled his eyes. “You need to stop expecting dick everytime you come over here. It’s not gonna fix anything.”

Gasping dramatically, you moved back a little to hold a hand to your chest in faux offense. “You wound me, tater tot. I came here with pure intentions to apologize to you. Can a woman not apologize to her baby daddy without him thinking she has an ulterior motive?”

An unimpressed look crossed Jungkook’s face from your dramatics and from that stupid pet name you gave him all those years ago.

“Whatever.” He mumbled. “Fine. I accept your apology. Just don’t do it again.” A warning that fell on deaf ears because yeah, you’d definitely do it again if needed but for now, you’d bask in his forgiveness.

“Thank you, baby. You know I only want to make you happy.”

“You do,” he whispered, those doe eyes lifting to connect with yours.

Your lips met, your hands pushing Jungkook back against the arm of the couch to climb into his lap. He went willingly, melting into your touch and the feeling of your plump lips. His own hands traveled up your thighs to squeeze at the plushness of your ass, his grip forcing your covered cunt to rub against his growing erection.

His grunts mixed with your low hum of pleasure as you grinded against one another but Jungkook could only tolerate about a minute of that before he started getting impatient.

Groaning against your lips, he struggled out a, “fuck. Sit it on already.”

The sounds of your giggles made him pause, eyes cracking open and his eyebrow raising because what the hell was so funny?

“Oh nothing.” You said as if reading his mind. “I just remember a very certain someone saying not to expect dick everytime I come here yet that same person is telling me to sit on his dick. How the tables have turned.”

Rolling his eyes yet again, Jungkook suddenly heaved himself up, forcing you backwards. Your giggles increased, the contagion of your amusement finally breaking him and stretching a full blown smile across his face.

“You’re so goofy.”

“Then do something about it, Mickey.”

In a show of strength that turned your panties from a pool into a water park, Jungkook heaved you over his shoulder, hand coming down on the fat of your ass.

“I’ll do something about it alright.”

Once you made it to the bedroom, Jungkook tossed you down onto the bed and was about to climb on top of you but you were a little quicker. Grabbing his arm, you pulled him down until he was flat on his back with you straddling his waist—his hard cock pressed right against your clothed cunt, just waiting to be released.

Leaning down, you captured him in another kiss while he captured your ass in his grip.

“Damn I love this ass….” He murmured into your lip lock which made you giggle.

After deeming him throughly kissed, you sat up to take in his flushed face and reddened lips. Perfect.

“Forgive me yet?”

He hummed, fingers playing with the hem of your top. “Maybe after you take this off.”

Ever so compliant, you gripped both sides of your shirt and pulled it over your head to reveal your bare breasts to Jungkook. His eyes could have popped out of his head, the groan he let out a mixture of arousal and slight irritation.

“You’re not wearing a bra?”

Shrugging one shoulder, you simply answered, “I knew I was coming here. What’s the point? Do you want to know if I’m wearing underwear?” That cheeky smile answered the question for him and it only sunk him further into the already unhealthy infatuation he had with you.

Gripping your ass, he roughly grinded your cunt down on his erection. The friction made both of you gasp, the air starting to feel electric as desperation began eating at both of you.

It didn’t take long for both of you to undress each other. Jungkook helped you wiggle out of those tiny shorts you wore, letting out a curse as a little drip of sticky arousal snapped back against your inner thigh. Sitting up, he grabbed the back of his shirt to pull it over his head and toss it somewhere in the room. Now you could feast your eyes on the hard planes of his body and trace your fingers those intricate tattoos that marked up his skin.

Leaning down once again, you trailed kisses from that sweet spot on his neck, down his chest and over his abs until you reached your destination. Your eyes never left his as you began your descent, hands tugging at the waistband of his jeans to pull them down and Jungkook helped kick them off. You licked your lips at the sight of Jungkook’s hard cock slapping against his abs once you freed it from the confines of his pants . He could see that hungry look in your eye, smirking as he took hold of his erection and began lightly pumping it; a motion that drove you fucking crazy was watching him stroke himself. It just did something to you.

“You want it, bug?” He teased to which you nodded frantically.

“Yes, baby. Give it to me.” Opening your mouth, you held your tongue out to lick at it, Jungkook hissing at the contact. He slapped it against your wet muscle a few times before letting the tip slip in your mouth. You immediately wrapped your lips around it, suckling at it like a desperate whore. Which you were but only for him. No one else could make you act like this.

You replaced his hand with your own, licking and spitting all over his cock to lubricate it. Taking him down your throat, you began bobbing your head up and down, making sure to twist your wrist just the way he liked it.

Jungkook let out a series of low moans, curses, and the tiniest of whines everytime you went down. One hand gripped at the ponytail you put your braids up in and one hand behind his head, he let you take the lead. You knew just how he liked it, just the way to flick your wrist and tighten your throat to throw him over the edge in minutes.

Coming off him with a wet cough, you continued to stroke his cock, your spit soaking your own hand but that only helped the glide. Your hazy and hungry eyes stared right into his, your chin and mouth soaked in saliva. “I love this cock so fucking much.” You gasped before taking it back down your throat and bobbing your head.

Tossing his head back, Jungkook let out a strangled moan, forcing your head down. You let him, of course, relaxing your throat so he could fuck up into your mouth.

“Come sit on my face, baby. Right fucking now.” He demanded.

Pulling off him a little, you maneuvered your body until your pussy was right over his face—69 style. He gripped both of your ass cheeks in his palms, pulling you down until he could suck your neglected clit into his mouth.

You let out a sharp gasp around his cock, finally getting some type of relief. Sucking his cock made you a different type of horny and he could see that with the way your cunt was dripping.

His mouth and tongue started going crazy, ravenous as he alternated between sucking and licking, making sure to dip his tongue in your opening every once in a while. His hands continued to slap and grip at your ass, one wandering sometimes to pull your slippery lips apart so he could really get in there.

His hand trailed down from your ass to your tight opening, squeezing a finger into your spasming walls. He located that sweet spot with practiced ease, slipping in another finger in beside it and stretching your snug cunt open. The squelching of your walls was like music to his ears, adding to the salacious ‘gluck gluck’ noises your throat was making as you swallowed his cock.

Since you were horny on your way here, it didn’t take long for that feeling to start burning hot in your belly.

You pulled off his cock but continued to stroke him, your cheek resting against his thigh as high pitched moans left your lips.

Jungkook flattened his tongue, his grip on your ass guiding you to rut against his face. The fat of your ass almost suffocated him but Jungkook couldn’t imagine going out any other way. He hooked his fingers right into your gspot, your eyes rolling back and head hanging low as you used him for your pleasure.

“Oh yes! Oh yes, daddy! You’re gonna make me cum!” Lifting your head, you took his cock back into your mouth, burying it all the way to the hilt in your throat. Jungkook’s hips jumped, him groaning against your clit, the vibrations sending shocks right through you.

A few swallows around his cock and a few more jabs to that spot inside of you and both of you were cumming. Your body tensed, hips rutting faster against his face to ride it out. He thrusted his hips up once, twice, three times before letting out a drawn out moan as he pumped his release down your waiting throat. Your body shivered as buzzing pleasure raced down your back and to your toes. You don’t think you’ve had an orgasm like that since…….three days ago when Jungkook ate you out in his car after he had to pick you up because you forgot to get gas.

Amazing car head aside, the party wasn’t over yet.

“Sit on it, bug. Hurry.” Jungkook rushed you, tapping your ass a few times, his breath labored and tone dripping with desperation.

Good thing you were just as eager because you crawled forward on your weak knees until he was lined up with your entrance. Reaching between your legs, you held his wet cock steady as you slid down on it. Jungkook’s hands held your ass cheeks apart to watch, eyes blurring slightly as your hot, tight, and gushing walls wrapped around him. You weren’t faring much better, your head knocking back as his thick cock stretched you to your limits. It didn’t matter how many times you had taken his cock, the pure g i r t h always knocked the breath out of you. This is why you couldn’t leave him alone, his cock was just too fucking good. You’d be damned if you ever let someone else take it from you.

Once you were settled to the hilt, your body leaned all the way forward to rest between his legs and you began bouncing your ass on his cock.

Jungkook was mesmerized by how your fat ass rippled and moved against his pelvis. At this moment, he didn’t give a damn how many women you threatened or how much you pissed him off; just the sight of your ass and the feeling of your juicy cunt wrapped around him was enough to make him remember another reason why he couldn’t let you the hell go. He loved your pussy too much. And if that wasn’t enough, the sight of that tiny ‘♡JK’ tatted on your left ass cheek certainly let him know.

Jungkook’s hands came down to slap repeatedly on your bouncing ass. “Faster baby. Fuck, this ass is so good!” The seat of your ass was wet from a combination of spit and cum, the wet slapping noises filling the space. Your moans were in competition with the clapping of your ass, your cheek pressed against the sheets and your nails digging into his calves.

“Ahhh! This cock is so b-big,” you whine, “love it so much…..right there….! Oohhhh-ohhhh fuck!”

Lifting up a little and adjusting your knees to a better position, you began throwing yourself down on his cock, the head brushing against every spot you had and sending you reeling. You’d come all the way up until just the tip was inside before slamming back down, the bed shaking underneath the force. Jungkook’s toes curled, your cunt gripping him tighter than a vice.

He was about 98% sure his soul left his body, eyes rolling and head knocking back against the pillows as his lungs struggled for air.

Not able to hold it anymore, Jungkook was quickly flipping your positions. Now it was your turn to be on your back, your legs spread in a wide V shape, his cologne invading your senses and his lips covering yours. He was everywhere, all over you. Your skin was on fire from his touch, sweat soaking your back and air becoming sparse as he kissed away what little oxygen you had left. You were obsessed with him. He was yours as you were his. Nothing would ever change that.

His cock buried itself back into your walls, a deep moan of pleasure getting caught in your throat once he began jackhammering into you. Your hands gripped the bottom of your feet, keeping them apart so he could continue to plow into your soft spot. His hips moved like a well oiled machine, making noisy contact with your ass with every thrust.

Your mouth dropped open, “oh my…..fffucking g-god…!” Tears welled up in your eyes as blinding pleasure spread over every nerve in your body.

Jungkook grunted, his own pleasure peaking at the sight of your fucked out face.

“Yeah? You about to cum? Are you gonna what the fuck I say and stop acting so fucking jealous? Huh?” Drool dripped down the sides of your mouth as you tried to form sentences but hurried ‘yes yes yes’ were the only words you could manage. “How many times do I have to fuck you before you get that through your thick head? I only want you. Fuck you push my fucking buttons but I know it’s just because you want me to fill up this tight cunt, isn’t that right?” A slap came across your cheek, orgasm crashing into your body without warning from the sudden strike.

Jungkook could feel wetness soaking his pelvis and cock, jaw tightening as he began moving even harder—the headboard knocking into the wall so hard that he doesn’t think he’ll get his security deposit back for this place.

“Juicy fucking cunt squirting all over me. Mhmmmm….I’m gonna fill this pussy up. You want that? Want me to send you home with my cum running down your legs?”

Your ears were ringing, his dirty talk propelling you right into another endless orgasm, your toes curling in the air as blissful overstimulation began to take over.

Jungkook wasn’t far behind, a few more thrusts and he was burying himself deep in your sopping cunt. His cock throbbed inside you, the thickness pressing right into your abused gspot. Your hands released your feet to scramble against his back, sharp acrylics digging into his skin and making him hiss in slight pain.

“Ohhhhhh shittttttt….fuck baby,” He groaned out as he pumped creamy ropes inside your clenching pussy, your spasming walls sucking him in and milking him for everything he was worth.

Both of you collapsed from exhaustion, Jungkook’s face planting itself in your breasts and your legs falling weakly to the bed with a light thump. Only the sounds of your heavy breathing filled the room, both of your hearts beating wildly as you two came down.

~

“So am I forgiven?” You asked as you two soaked in the tub, the scent of an apple scented bath bomb wafting around the room.

Jungkook was behind you, head leaned back against the wall as he tried not to fall asleep. “I guess so. Just stop doing that, okay? It’s so embarrassing.”

“Deal.”

A beat of silence washed over the room, just the sound of water lapping against the sides of the tub filling the space.

“One more time.” You suddenly said.

“Huh?”

“You asked me how many times do you have to fuck me before I get it through my thick head to stop being jealous. I think one more will do the trick.”

Jungkook let out a chuckle, opening his eyes only to find your beautiful irises staring back at him with that playful and lustful glint.

“You’re impossible.” He scoffed with an endearing shake of his head.

“But you love me.”

“Yeah, I do.”

[sillydoctorwho]

[bigdog2024candids]

12:33 monster donk edit

[gumycandyyy]

Heyo I'm here to request that Male Reader x Winter King you wanted-

Anyways, can you write for a male Reader that used to be Simon and Betty's friend before the crown and the Mushroom War, who randomly shows up in the Land of Ooo? As in, Simon thought that they had died a long time ago, alongside Betty, but the Reader had survived through some odd means and got reunited with him?

Lol, if that's too much, then I'm sorry. It could be a fic or Headcanons, whichever you prefer!

⠂"ʏᴏᴜ'ᴠᴇ ɢᴏᴛᴛᴇɴ ᴏʟᴅ."⠐

⠂"ᴡᴇ ʙᴏᴛʜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ."⠐

AHJFHJGSKHA HOW DID YOU KNOW I WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT SIMON?? I LOVE THIS WET CAT.

Winter King actually isn't this one, because I wanted to focus on Fionna and Cake ver. Simon

Male reader

Platonic/Romantic (I'm leaving it ambiguous, because I mean, c'mon. It's Simon.)

Type: Headcanons (With a drabble and oneshot mixed in)

Summary: An old friend shows up after a bunch of time-related shenanigans, and is finally ready to settle back down in Ooo. Though this sudden happening is quite a shock to Simon.

⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂

-You used to be an old family friend of Betty's, and met Simon through her.

-Y'all were really close, and they invited you over for dinner every other weekend.

-But one day, you just...

-Vanished.

-Everyone thought you were kidnapped, and Simon and Betty were heartbroken.

-However...

-Through some odd means, you were kept alive for a thousand years.

-It all started one weird day when you bought a little doodad from a garage sale.

-the next thing you knew, you were in a big yellow cube with a pink wall guy.

-Apparently the little thing you bought was an item from another universe, and it was janking up Ooo.

-Aaaaand technically you just committed a serious crime by purchasing the little thing.

-And whether intentional or not, you now had to go on trial for this little accident. You tried to explain what happened, but you were found guilty.

-You were sentenced to a thousand years in some donked up time jail.

-Apparently, you wouldn't age in there, and a thousand years would pass on Ooo before you were set free.

-It was the worst thing that could've ever happened to you.

⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂

-The time jail kept you from losing your sanity, and a thousand years later, you were released.

-You were teleported back to Ooo, which looked quite different than how you remembered it.

-It felt like an eternity since you've seen rolling green hills and a clear blue sky. An eternity since you've breathed familiar air.

-You heard something, about a hundred yards from you.

-You approached the loud noises to see some buff dude with a sick beard and robotic arm beating up some one-eyed monster.

-He punched the creature, and it was sent flying towards you.

-You ducked, and the dude noticed you.

"Ah, sorry man! Didn't see you there!"

-You assured him it was nothing.

"You're not from around here, are you?"

⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂

You shook your head, then blinked confusedly. Well, technically you were. It had just been 1000 years. You tried to get your story straight, then told the guy.

"Woah, so does that mean you're technically a time traveler?"

You shrugged. Time travel hadn't been proven yet, has it? You weren't sure. You asked the guy his name, so you didn't have to refer to him as just 'the guy.'

"Oh, yeah. Name's Finn. Good ol' Finn the H."

"The H.?"

"Y'know, the Human?"

But you were human too. With all due respect, you asked him about his strange surname.

"Oh, uh.. My real last name is Mertens, but I like 'the Human' better. It's only recently other humans have started living in Ooo. So I'm kinda seen as 'that one human' y'know?"

You nodded, trying to make sense of what he said. what had happened that caused humans to leave Ooo? How was that even possible?

The two of you talked for a short while, and you learned a little bit about Ooo. You were used to knowing a lot, but you barely even recognized this place.

"Oh, you're from the 20th century, right?"

You nodded.

"I've got a friend from then, maybe you'd like to meet him? He's one cool dude."

⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂

-You agreed politely, wondering if this 20th century man would help you adjust to life in whatever century this was. What century was this anyway? 30-something?

-Finn ended up taking you to a scrappy little bar filled with people that looked to be made out of candy.

"Anything you'd like to order?"

"Nothing for me, Dirt Beer Guy. Maybe he'd like one, but we're just waiting for-"

⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂

"Simon?"

You stared in disbelief at the face of your old friend, who looked at you with the same expression. He was carrying something under his arm, but he dropped it in shock.

"No way, you know him? That's awesome!"

Simon slowly walked up to you, as if afraid you'd disappear at any second. Tears welled up in the both of your eyes, and you had to suppress breaking down right there. It hadn't occurred to you that this 20th century man could've been Simon, but now that you were seeing him, you realized you subconsciously wished it would be him.

He spoke your name softly, not much more than a whisper, as if anything louder would cause reality to shatter, or one of you to wake up from a dream.

"You... You're really here, aren't you?"

You nodded softly, not daring to say a word. Tears spilled out of your eyes, and Finn looked slightly confused.

"Do you guys, uh.... Wanna step out for a minute?"

You agreed, still quietly, saying it would probably be better to not make a scene. Finn gave you a thumbs up and shooed you out, saying he'd wait for you when you got back inside.

You stepped out of the little bar with Simon, realizing it got dark out while you were inside.

"So..."

"How about we take a walk?"

You nodded, falling into step with Simon as you walked into a nice little forest. The small stream rushing by provided ambient noise.

"How are you here..?"

Simon asked, with an air of disbelief. He blinked, wiping his glasses and rubbing his eyes. As if you'd disappear once he'd open them. You explained what happened, and suddenly gasped.

"If you're here, that means Betty must be here too, right? Where is she?"

Simon sighed, bringing his arms up to hold himself.

"She's..."

"She's not."

You decided not to pry, but you couldn't help but notice the sinking feeling in your gut. She was one of your best friends, and she was gone. But she was Simon's fiancee. It must have hit him harder, whatever happened to her. You'd ask later, when the emotional turmoil between the two of you wasn't so fresh.

You walked in peaceful silence between the two of you, listening to the sounds of the stream, or chirping crickets.

You took that time to study Simon, how his appearance changed, and things that stayed the same.

Same fashion sense,

same goofy circle glasses,

even the same walk you remember.

There was a white streak in his hair now.

Wrinkles on his face.

Something about him just seemed so...

Sad.

"You've gotten old."

Simon smiled, though it seemed bitter.

"We both have."

"I missed you, Simon. Not a day went by that I didn't think of you, Betty, or any of our other friends."

Simon stopped walking, and you copied. He seemed as if he was about to cry again. To be honest, you were too. Talking about all of this while looking him in the face didn't fare well for your emotional state.

He took off his glasses, wiping at his eyes. Simon smiled bitterly through it though. He seemed to be so lonely. You wondered where he lived now.

". . ."

He wiped his eyes again, then looked straight at you with an unwavering gaze.

"You have no idea how much we missed you. Even years after you disappeared, we still looked. Even when the police failed, we still-"

He inhaled sharply, breath shaking. He turned his head away, as if ashamed of his emotions.

You placed your hand on his shoulder, trying to provide comfort. Simon suddenly wrapped his arms around you, pressing his face into your shoulder. You returned the embrace, holding onto him just as tightly.

Simon's breath shook, and you softly rubbed his back. You had no idea what he's gone through, and you were genuinely unsure whether you were helping or not.

"Simon..?"

His grip on you loosened, and he looked up at you.

You said nothing else, but you gently rested your forehead on his. He sniffed, then took a deep breath. Your hands fell to his waist, while his rested on your shoulders. Simon closed his eyes, cherishing this small bit of comfort.

After a few moments, Simon pulled away, bringing his fist up to his mouth and clearing his throat.

"W- well, today was certainly... Eventful."

You laughed softly, agreeing with his remark. The two of you walked back to the little bar, realizing you'd gotten farther from it than you thought you did.

Simon cleared his throat yet again, once you reached the outside of the bar.

"Yeah, Simon?"

He thought for a moment, then spoke.

". . .Thank you."

⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂⠂

Thanks for reading! I absolutely loved writing this, and Simon needs a hug.

Your complimentary artwork ^^

reblog for a beginner writer?

[hunsimonbrainrot]

Something about Hunson learning a lesson in Daddy's Little Monster (being proud of his daughter), then trying to apply that lesson in Marcy and Hunson and STILL somehow donking it up is the most autism thing ever. I know because I'm autistic, I follow instructions to a T and still mess shit up royally. He does exactly what he thinks he is supposed to do but ends up embarrassing his daughter. I once heard someone use the term 'discomfort character' to describe a character that makes you hate that you relate to them and I couldn't describe it any other way.

[mrazzoholic]

Stormiiy

[jeffgerstmann]

I would love to hear your vision of how a Donkey Kong heel turn would be like in 2024

he is an evil monster, he is hoarding all the bananas and the children of new donk city are getting massive leg cramps from the lack of potassium. only mario can save the children.

[0ystersaucedrawsthings]

[Image ID: A photo of a traditional illustration. The illustration's subject is a dead hagfish whose coils are draped over a castle made of bright yellow, blue, and red children's building blocks. The hagfish's side is pierced by the tines of a yellow plastic toy sand rake. Blood leaks from the wounds and pools by the hagfish's head, which lies upside-down, mouth open, with two rows of teeth visible on either side of its jaw. A blue-and-yellow watering can is entangled in the upper part of its coils and is dripping blood. The hagfish's skin is colored in shades of orange, pink and grey-blue that are dull compared to the toys it is arranged with. The hagfish and the background elements have been cut out and placed on top of a layer of algae cut out of textured green-grey paper. The entire illustration is on a black background. / end ID]

additional info and rambling below the readmore!

A while ago Felix Colgrave released a short animation called DONKS that I immediately become extremely obsessed with. I loved the use of toys to symbolize pollution and trash, since everyone usually expects trash to look outwardly grimy. Ocean trash especially is usually depicted with "uglier" stuff like six-pack rings and oil spills.

Toys are something I'd only associated with, like, innocence and wholesome, nice things, so I was shocked when I realized the whimsical harmless-looking doodads in DONKS were analogous to trash. Even though toys are supposedly for harmless fun, their mass production and subsequent discarding makes them just as harmful a pollutant as any other garbage.

The strong reaction DONKS got out of me stuck for a while, and I was really inspired and wanted to make something that subverted expectations in a similar way. The theme of a lot of other art I was working on at the time had to do with trying to depict animals popularly considered "gross" in a more sympathetic light, so I figured I would try to turn the tables on cliches by making the protagonist of this painting (the hagfish, usually viewed by people as yucky and disgusting) fall victim to unexpected danger from kids' toys (which are all fun and games until they get lost at sea as debris and become plastic waste).

I tried to pose the hagfish in a way that recalled the kind of heroic tragic death poses that show up in old paintings. The hope was that piece'd make people stop and think about who was the real "monster" here and why.

Overall I'm really happy with how it turned out! I like that the papercutting gives it a kind of 3D effect.

[duckapus]

SMG4 Faces the Consequences of Not Buying Physical or Pirating

AKA The One Where the CCC Avatars Get Got

We start off with Jayin and Mr. L going over the plan, which goes like this; L, Reboot Saiko, Brobot and Rhythmi will each go after one of the CCC Avatars with their respective purchase key, represented by actual big goofy-looking gold key props Because Cartoon. They have to actually stick it into the Avatar in order for the Recall to take effect. When it does take effect, anyone and anything that's not meant to be in the game (memes, Code-Level beings, SMGs, visitors, etc) will be left behind, presumably to fade away into the code-dense ether if it isn't something that can survive in that. (I know the initial plan was for the Recall to just Happen all of a sudden but I've been having Ideas this whole time and it grew into an action setpiece). The only exception to non-native entities getting left behind is Tama, thanks to her recent Full Integration into the game's code.

Mr. L's going after Juliano, Saiko for Tulip, Brobot for Nimbus, and Rhythmi for Irene, and they'll also have basic Twilight enemies from CCTG as backup, and will be employing L's Anti-Admin tech to keep the USB avatars (and Emulator) trapped in their Podspace and block anyone from getting in so they can't interfere (it'll also somewhat weaken any Code-Level entities already inside so they'll only be Very Difficult to deal with instead of an instant loss).

Juliano

Mr. L strolls into the Showgrounds with an army of weird shadow monsters like he owns the place and demands they hand over Juliano, who has no idea what's going on, then sends the monsters to attack without waiting for an answer. Everyone there quickly works out that something really weird is going on, because Mr. L's almost always been focused on the Mario Bros before and suddenly switching to Juliano specifically while the whole mysterious amnesia thing is going on is kinda sus. Most of the crew along with a bunch of Leggys from the Meme Factory (there were tons of them I insist that they didn't disappear when Meggy went back to normal) sticks around to fight off the monster horde and distract Mr. L while the Bros, 4, Meggy, Bob and Toad throw Juliano in Luigi's RV and book it.

Mr. L eventually gets away from them and makes chase using the tank version of Brobot L-Type. So now there's a car chase through the streets of New Donk City, which the police and army get involved in since Mr. L's an extremely wanted criminal. Luigi tells everyone to use all the modifications from the demolition derby that Mario was supposed to get rid of but totally never did, and Toad gets to use a roof-mounted machine gun turret. Mr. L actually questions why Toad is helping since last he remembers he doesn't even like the rest of the group, and Toad's response is of course to just flip him off and yell "SUCK MY DDDDDD!!!!!" Because Toad.

Eventually the chase leads them to SMG3's old Gauntlet of Gloom. The good guys run in, and L tries to follow them only to be met by Stu and Pid, who tell him that to brave the challenges of the tower he must first answer their Riddles Three. He of course asks why he can't just kill them and move on, and in response they introduce their new manager; Slenderman.

...He answers their Riddles Three.

(I should note that in an actual episode we'd be periodically switching scenes between the four capture attempts, but since this is a summary I'll not be doing that. I'm putting this note here since it's the most obvious place for a jump-cut so far.)

Anyway, after getting up to the control room he gets into a fight with the group, and has clearly prepared to exploit all their weaknesses, so eventually they're all defeated and he approaches the spot where they've stashed Juliano... only for it to actually be Old Man Hobo in a wig, a recolored outfit and Juliano's top hat (as an explanation for why his CCTG model doesn't have it). The real Juliano is with the Haltmann kids, Marcy and Saiko in the Meme Factory's Great Glass Elevator, headed towards a safehouse in the Splatlands.

Mr. L gets so pissed that he fucking snaps and starts laughing uncontrollably, Super Jumps through the ceiling to the roof, pulls out Domains Western Spaghetti Headset, summons his Circuit model around himself as a sort of Code-Level power armor, and takes off towards the Elevator. I should also note that he made an exception for Circuit in the Program Weakening Field because why wouldn't he. He actually straight-up rams through it, sending everyone inside flying and falling onto the hard desert ground, and they do their best to fight him but with their injuries from the fall are no match for a full-power Program, so he grabs Juliano, sticks the Key in him, and flees through a portal.

Tulip

Tulip's being checked over by Kelsie when the attack comes due to her more volatile condition compared to the other three, and Kelsie actually manages to get out a very brief, may-or-may-not-have-even-gotten-out distress signal because Reboot Saiko was a little bit careless and only activated her anti-Admin tech right when she attacked instead of preemptively. Tulip's got no idea why a purple ninja and a robot girl with a hammer (who she can somehow understand despite not speaking Japanese) are fighting over her and would rather not stick around to find out, and Dale, 7 and 10 are inclined to agree with her (even though they do actually know who the two are), so they all try to make a break for the van...and there's a bunch of shadow monsters between them and it because of course.

Fortunately, it was one of Ashley's modeling days so he shows up, does a Team Rocket style quick-change-reveal (Tulip: how do you yank off a sundress and suddenly have more clothes than before!?), sends out whatever Pokemon he has on hand, then jumps into the fray himself because he has Aura Powers and can Do That Now. The Kelsie vs Saiko fight bursts through a wall into the front lawn where the Pokemon vs Twilight fight is already going on at some point, so Ash, Pikachu and Primeape switch from fighting the mooks to helping with the boss because the rest of the Pokemon have crowd control more-or-less covered.

It's very fast paced, at one point Primeape gets in enough Shadow Punches to Evolve into Annihilape, but they're fighting a Murder Drone (and one who has its normal weaknesses mostly removed no less) who has built-in Anti-Admin tech and happens to be Saiko FUCKING Bichitaru in full Hyper-Sadistic Yandere Mode, plus it's going on long enough that though there is now a path to the van every Pokemon except Pikachu Gengar and Staraptor is knocked out, so things aren't exactly going great, especially when Ash gets thrown through one of the few parts of the front wall that's still standing.

And then suddenly there's blue stiletto knives in Saiko's wing joints.

Everything stops and they look up to see Cursor of all people on the roof since apparently she was close enough to both get Kelsie's distress call and get in before the portal jammer went up. So now Saiko's up against two Admins, one of which is specifically designed for combat and is used to fighting at a disadvantage, and her quarry is getting away. So once she gets an opening she breaks off from the fight and flies after the van, and once they check on Ash (he's fine, he's actually already getting up and telling them he'll catch up) Kelsie and Cursor turn into a barn owl and a giant prehistoric dragonfly respectively and take off in hot pursuit.

Meanwhile in the van, Pikachu is doing his best to help Tulip calm down, which considering his attitude, the fact he's a giant talking rat, and the whole "Dale is breaking every traffic law in existence trying to get away from a psychotic killer robot" thing, is going about as well as you'd expect. Anyway, Saiko manages to catch up and is now having to deal with Gengar and Staraptor attacking her, and then SMG7 gets on the roof with a TF2 minigun to provide supporting fire Because Odd Number SMG, and eventually Saiko gets thoroughly sick of everything and throws her hammer at the van so hard it blasts clean through the back, the dashboard, the engine, all the way through the front and into the road causing the whole damn thing to fucking backflip.

With 7 still on top of it.

This is just about where another one of Tulip's lucid moments starts.

Meanwhile back at the mansion, Ash has apparently been chugging an obscene number of X-Speeds and fully intends to straight-up run on foot fast enough to catch up with everyone. And considering he sets off a small sonic boom when he starts running he's probably gonna manage it.

Kelsie and Cursor arrive on the scene where there is just Absolute Carnage. The van's a flaming wreck, Dale and Gengar are unconscious, 10's hysterical and clinging to 7's broken body, Tulip's seemingly in the midst of a panic attack while Pikachu and Staraptor are barely standing but still keeping themselves as a shield between her and Saiko, and everyone who can be injured is. Kelsie immediately goes Medic Mode and makes a beeline for the SMGs while Cursor hurls herself at Saiko like a bat outa hell, soon joined by a Supersonic Ash Ketchum.

Kelsie finds out that 7's broken most of her bones, including her spine, and has several ruptured organs, (also she's somehow still awake and can't feel her legs) so it's taking everything she has just to keep the poor girl's condition stable because this is bad enough that even Vitality would've had trouble and Kelsie's good but she's no Vitality yet.

Anyway, the thing about X-Speeds is that eventually they wear off (and they're not exactly safe for human consumption, especially as many as Ash just used) so the boost from them doesn't last too long, and the fight's been going on long enough that even Cursor's getting tired despite being and Admin and robots don't get tired, so soon enough all the little mistakes accumulate to the point where Saiko can get past them and finally tag Tulip with her Key.

The world starts fading away around them with some very conspicuous exceptions, and Cursor very quickly realizes what's about to happen and comes up with a plan, yelling at Ash to make a portal to anywhere but there and then once he does grabbing the edges of it and pouring everything she's got into it, with the resulting supercharge sending every non-native element on the server to the location Ash set, which was of course his own world.

Him, his Pokemon, the two Admins and the SMGs land in his mom's living room, since that was the first place he thought of, and as you can imagine Delia is very surprised so suddenly have a bunch of very injured people and Pokemon in her house. Once they land it's like a switch flips and he goes into full Regional Champion Ash Ketchum mode, sending Kelsie and the SMGs to Viridian Hospital with Delia so they can handle 7 (and also 10 since she was also in a massive car crash but she's not the one actively dying so it's a slightly lower concern. Delia's going to keep the poor girl from falling apart), sending Pikachu and Staraptor to Oak's Lab with the balls of the rest of the team both to get them healed and so Pikachu can tell the Professor and Ash's SMGs what's going on, has Mimey keep an eye on Cursor who's completely knocked out on the couch and will be for a while because between the fight and her crazy portal trick she's completely drained, and Ash himself needs to call basically every Major Official-Type Person he knows to get the refugees from Renata handled, starting with the other Champions, as well as call the other Avatars when he's got that squared away.

Nimbus

Dedede and Tune are both in town when shit goes down. Brobot shows up in his Mr. M body with Twilight monsters, and unlike with the other two it's not going his way at all, because he's got an entire army to deal with, Harmonian light magic is super-effective against creatures of pure Darkness, they have a goddamn mythical Pokemon (though the anti-portal field does apparently work on Hyperspace Hole so Hoopa doesn't have it all his way), they have an Absol so they had advanced warning that something was about to go down, they have King Goddamn Dedede and a Megaman Ripoff with a full arsenal of special weapons who fights dirty, and Canon Nimbus is very much not defenseless, nor is she going to stand idly by while whatever this thing is attacks her and her home.

They actually manage to outright destroy Brobot. Or at least, his current body.

Turns out there's now plenty more where that came from. And he can control several at once without any issues. So now instead of dealing with a near-endless swarm of mindless shadow monsters they're dealing with a near-endless highly coordinated army of Mario robots, which is significantly more of a challenge.

Especially when one of them manages to get his hands on Tama and decides to use her as a hostage.

Even when she has no memory of this kitten who's calling her "Mama," Nimbus absolutely can't let anything happen to Tama, so she actually end up turning herself over willingly. And when the world starts fading away, there's no Admin to save them. There is however the Hyperlink Gates, which gives Tune a crazy, stupid idea. The group (at least, the ones that aren't getting taken away) runs for the gate and inputs the coordinates for Dreamland, then Tune wires her arm into it and tells 8 and 9 to boost her as much as possible. The result is similar to what happened in Renata, except for two details.

Number one is that something went funky with the coordinates due to the rewire and they landed in the Anime Dreamland in the middle of Cappy Town's main square (that circular spot with the big tree).

Number two is that Tune's arm blew up and she needs some medical attention.

So, the group runs for Doctor Yabui's clinic, Dedede starts organizing Search and Rescue and temporary housing for the Harmonian refugees (both the local memes and any tourists) by barking orders at everyone in earshot (both getting some of them to actually start the search parties and getting others to send messages to the actual authority figures in the castle, including, unfortunately, his local counterpart). Cappy Town is thankfully familiar with this bigger, nicer more impressive Dedede, so they're immediately On It. He also calls Bandana Dee and finds out that about half of the refugees did get to the right Dreamland and the Star Allies already have things handled there even though they don't exactly know what's going on.

In the meantime 8 and 9 get in touch with 11 and 12 to let them know what happened to Tune, since I imagine they're kind of freaking out about sensing that their Avatar is suddenly seriously injured somewhere when she was supposed to just be checking in on Nimbus.

Also Dapple is very much freaking out because this whole situation is way too similar to her tragic backstory, and she needs something to take out her rage on that isn't breakable and/or important (there's just so many breakable and important things, you know? Cities, people, planets...). Fortunately, she landed in Cloudy Park, and Kracko is an unrepentant asshole who can't die in a way that matters.

Hello misplaced aggression.

Irene

I've unfortunately not got as much detail here as the rest of them, both because there's just not as much to work with with Irene and because this has been a very long post.

When we get our first look at the scene, Rhythmi's already got the SMGs and Comets wrapped up in her webs, and is slowly closing in on Irene, clearly having decided to drag this out and savor the poor child's fear.

And then a giant green flyswatter flattens her.

What follows is an absolutely insane, utterly hilarious fight sequence where Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda show off just how much Anti-Admin tech doesn't work on Fairly Oddparents Fairies. But one slip's all it takes and the fact they aren't allowed to kill her is a massive disadvantage considering the kind of person they're up against, so eventually Rhythmi stops playing, finds an opening, and goes in for the kill. Timmy realizes what's about to happen to all the memes and wishes that everyone was somewhere safe, and they all get Poofed to Equestria.

End Result: All CCC Avatars (and their games) captured, zero casualties, three hospitalizations, the Admins will now know who was controlling Circuit, Cursor's a hero and everyone somehow has to live with that now, and there's a 95% chance SMG7 will never be able to walk again.

[sillydoctorwho]

Hi, welcome to Round One of the Silliest Classic Who Death Tournament! I'll be posting four polls a day for four days (one every two hours from 9am BST).

Oh, and please excuse the terrible puns and goofy titles :)

Links added below as and when I can. Here's the schedule:

Wednesday

Jazz Hands! (Gharman, GotD) vs Aggedor-dor-dor (Torbis, CoP)

We Hade To Grey (Hade, Sunmakers) vs Defenestration (Hippias, Time Monster)

Tree Hugger (Scorby, SoD) vs Sack O'Spuds (Cyberman, Invasion)

The Scream (Guard, Armageddon) vs Camera Collision (Morbius, BoM)

Thursday

Biiiig Stretch (Braun, PoE) vs Blobsorption (Adrasta, CftP)

Your Excellency's Safety Is My Sole Concern (President, CoA) vs The Electric Wall (Tesh, FoE)

Fuck the Police (PC, ToWC) vs Wile E. Coyoted (Ice Soldier, KoM)

Mandrel Mangle (Passenger, NoE) vs Down, Boy! (Cyberman, RotC)

Friday

Sofa-cation (McDermott, TotA) vs Sudden Drop (Zake, Sontaran E.)

I Have Failed! (Dalek, DttD) vs Space Sucks (Varan, Mutants)

Wardrobe Malfunction (Sardor, HoN) vs Punch Decapitation (Cyberman, AotC)

Mysterious Box (Cyberman, AotC) vs Cardvoord (Voord, KoM)

Saturday

Old Age (Kerensky, CoD) vs Bubblegum Bomb (Sarn, TatR)

Karate Flop (Solow, WotD) vs (In)security (Security Chief, WG)

You Are All Doomed! (Soldeed, HoN) vs Ganging Up (Dalek, DttD)

The Monster's Revenge (Kettlewell, Robot) vs Badonker-donked (Poacher, PoM)