#mom says that i should use this as an opportunity to learn how to draw traditionally again but like.

[linabirb]

i really wanna go back to traditional art bc come on i literally could only draw on paper until like. maybe four or five years ago?.. and even when i started to draw digitally i still tried to draw on paper as well bc i didn't want to forget my roots but now the roots sure have been Forgotten. the worst part? it doesn't even spark joy anymore like i feel like my traditional art just does not look as good as my digital art

[fbfh]

curiosity is a wonderful thing - ch. 6

wc: 2.8k

genre: slowburn, best friends to lovers, painful tooth rotting fluff

pairing: Audrey x Ben, eventual Ben x daughter of alice!reader

warnings: ben's deeply repressed feelings looming ominously in the distance, audrey being an absolute bitch but what's new, op fixing the lore with nail glue and packing tape, Evie is a fucking icon as always

summary: After a long day fighting your way through a mountain of paperwork, you find yourself unable to sleep. Sneaking into ben's room always does the trick. Mal can't find a love spell in her spell book, but she finds something that should work almost as well.

song recs: spring fever - sub urban

a/n: the one thing that pisses me off is that there is no canonical use of love spells in the disney universe outside of descendants. they literally don't exist. genie says no making someone fall in love with someone else. you'd think they would know their own lore /lh

anyway fangz to cici as always (i am so sorry about buggy) and also as always, an optional fit for your viewing pleasure

tags @yesv01 @magcon7280 @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl  @sunshineangel-reads @strawberry-cake1 @dustyinkpages @kiara7777

You spend the next several hours by Ben’s side as you bounce between various meetings, and of course, your etiquette lessons that you’ve been attending since you were no older than a twizzleroot blossom.  They're not really etiquette lessons, not anymore. They were when you were young, you would attend a few times a week with all the other kids your age. You’d learn how to drink tea, how to write thank you notes, and all the other things you need to know to feel comfortable in royal high society settings. By the end of middle school, most of your peers were no longer in attendance. 

You and Ben, however, used the opportunity to learn about more and more of the nuanced aspects of politics, social graces, and media training. Your parents were both glad for this, and since you seemed on track to be real politicians and not just socialites, it was a perfect fit. However, saying that you have to go to your class for advanced political studies, world history, social graces, and media training is a little too clunky for your taste. You and Ben never grew out of calling them etiquette lessons, so the name stuck to this day.

On this day in particular, you now find yourself sitting next to Ben at a large table in one of the many makeshift conference rooms on campus. You’ve been in and out of meetings and lessons and debriefings about the Isle kids’ arrival, and now you’ve finally made it nearly to the end of your to do list. Ben insisted you didn’t need to stay late with him to do all this paperwork, but you insisted equally as much that you wouldn’t dream of leaving him to do it all himself. Now as Ben skims the monotonous text, signing on lines and initialing boxes, you dig through a seemingly endless database of forms, trying to find the right one. 

You bounce increasingly obscure form titles back and forth for a few minutes. After coming up with nothing, Ben lets out an amiable laugh. He should have expected something that seems straightforward would take at least ten times as long as it should. That’s government for you, that’s what his dad would say. A knock at the door draws both your attention, and Jane pokes her head in awkwardly. She tucks a section of her dark blunt bob behind her ear, then speaks nervously. 

“Uh, hi. My mom sent me,” she says in a quiet, hesitant voice. “She said she’s going to be about half an hour late. There was a problem with some ducks in the forest, or something?” 

Ben smiles at her politely.

“Thanks, Jane.” Ben says politely. Jane nods and leaves quickly, fussing with her short hair. You let out a puff of air from between your lips.

“Even more delays…” you murmur, clicking onto page 23 out of 66 of forms to look through. “How fun.”

Ben chuckles, agreeing as he stands up to stretch his legs. He walks around for a moment, and turns on an extra lamp. It’s starting to get dark out, and the last thing either of you need right now is eye strain. Wait, it’s already getting dark out? He stops in his tracks.

“Shit.” He mutters, reaching for his phone on the table. He completely forgot about dinner with Audrey, but he has to find these forms and get them filled out tonight. You try not to look like you're listening too closely as the phone rings, but Audrey’s voice is quite hard to ignore. Before he can greet her, she’s already demanding to know where he is and why he’s late.

“No, no. I- I didn’t forget. I… well… uh, no. It’s-” Ben rambles around Audrey’s interjections. He gets up, pacing around a little, and walking across the room away from you. He doesn’t want you to have to hear this. 

“We’re just running behind. No- No! I would never intentionally… stand you up… I-” 

“Right!” Audrey snaps on the other end, forcing a smile. “Well then. Maybe we should just cancel!” 

“Wh- uh, okay. I- I’ll make it up to you. We can… uh, later this week? We’ll - before the next tourney meet? I…” 

Ben sighs and pulls his phone away, looking at the screen. Call ended. He walks back over to the table, sitting down to continue trudging through the task at hand. You wordlessly slide a teacup over toward him, the colorful porcelain filled with warm chai, perfectly sweetened. He cracks a smile, and accepts the cup. 

“Thanks, bunny.” He says quietly. You hum warmly in response. You settle back into your comfortable silence, trudging through forms and digging through documents. As you sit across from each other, the pile of completed paperwork steadily grows taller. Hours pass, and you don’t realize how late it is until you’re finally ready to call it quits for tonight. You stumble through your bedtime routine, grateful that you have your muscle memory to carry you through. As soon as your head hits your soft pillow… nothing happens. You toss and turn for a few minutes, trying to get comfortable, then let out an irritated sigh. You managed to get through such a long day and mountains of paperwork, and you still can’t sleep. 

In the opposite wing of the dorms, Ben has no trouble winding down. He’s cozy in his silky royal blue and daffodil yellow sheets, and he’s satisfied with a long day of hard, productive work. He lets out a soft breath, feeling himself teetering on the brink of sleep. Then he hears his door creak open. Soft, muffled footsteps creep across the wood floor, then grow silent as they meet the expansive carpet covering the majority of the floor. He doesn’t move, doesn’t open his eyes, but he can feel someone crouching next to his bed. 

“...Ben?”

He cracks a smile at the sound of your voice, how quiet and tiny you sound in the lateness of the night. You smile a little too when you see him fighting a little grin. After a moment, he answers. 

“Yes bunny?”

“Are you asleep?” You ask carefully. You wait in the darkness for him to answer. 

“Yes.” 

You smile at his sarcastic response, letting out a little breathy giggle through your nose. You kick off your bunny slippers - complete with little tophats - and crawl into bed next to Ben. He’s already scooching over and lifting up the blankets for you, pulling them over your shoulders the way he knows you like. 

He doesn’t need to ask if you couldn’t sleep, he already knows you couldn’t. You’ve been doing this, sneaking in for sleepovers when insomnia gets the best of you, for as long as he can remember. Something about his presence comforts you, relaxes you through even the longest, most never ending nights. No matter how tired he is, he’s always happy to be there for you on nights like tonight, he’s always happy to keep you warm and talk you to sleep. 

And that’s just what he does. He lets you lead the conversation, rambling about whatever springs to mind, emptying out your brain so you can rest. He’d like to think he knows you pretty well by now. He knows just what to do to help you settle down, to give you the best chance of having a restful night. It’s no surprise to him that you mostly seem to be thinking about the Isle kids. 

“I mean, this is real. Our actions mean they get a chance at a better life.” You mutter drowsily. Your cheek is squished against his pillow and your words are heavy with fatigue. Ben can’t help but think it makes your Wonderland accent that much… cuter. 

“Yeah,” He agrees. He traces his hand along your back soothingly. He glances down and notices you’re wearing the white button down shirt you sometimes wear as a pajama top. He asked you about it once, and you said it made you think of him. He smiles a little as he settles back into his pillows.

“I just hope they’ll be able to assimilate well.” You say, a tone of worry now present in your words. “The only thing worse than doing nothing would be having their decisions made for them because of social pressure…” 

“We’ll keep a close eye out for that.” Ben says. His voice is husky and drowsy. It fills you with warmth, with an appreciation for him and the way he stays up with you even though you know how tired he must be. You nod a little, then find yourself rambling again. 

“I just wish there was a way to guarantee that they felt welcome and not… ostracized.” You mumble. You inch closer to him, snuggling into his warm chest and listening to his soothing heartbeat. It speeds up almost imperceptibly as you do.

“Make sure they know that we know them as people. As individuals, and not just…” You continue, cutting yourself off with a yawn. You stretch a little as you do, then curl back up. Ben looks down at you, smiling a little at how sweet you are, at how clingy you get when you’re sleepy. 

“As the children of their parents…” You finish. Ben hums in agreement. He notices how heavy your eyes are getting, how your speech is slowing, how the flow of your thoughts have gone from a fully blasting garden hose to a subtly dripping kitchen sink. You’re about to fall asleep, which means he can let himself sleep too. He couldn’t have gone to bed before now if he wanted to. If he knows you can’t sleep, he won’t be able to either. But feeling your soft breaths across his skin, feeling the way your chest rises and falls as his hand lays comfortingly on your side, knowing that you’re warm and safe here, with him… Ben feels more relaxed than he has in a long time. Probably since… the last time you couldn’t sleep. 

Sometimes when it’s just the two of you like this, all drowsy and late at night, in the moments before he falls asleep, Ben sometimes gets… weird thoughts. Weird, random, impulsive thoughts that are not at all like him. Totally out of left field stuff, like… wanting to kiss you. Like, really, really wanting to kiss you. Sometimes that turns into wanting to hold you, too. And not like this, not holding you platonically, like a best friend, but… holding you a different way. Maybe wanting to hold you tight in his arms, and lay you down in his big, silky bed, and… 

Ben squeezes his eyes shut tight for a moment before relaxing his face. He puts a manual stop to that train of thought, absolutely refusing to let it continue anymore. He won’t entertain it, he won’t let it heat up his cheeks anymore. He doesn’t like thinking things like that about anyone, and he certainly won’t let himself think anything like that about you. He sighs softly. These crazy thoughts will be gone by the morning. They always are. They have to be. 

Besides, it’s so late, he won’t even remember this by the time he wakes up. That’s what he always tells himself. The last thing he would never admit to anyone - not even to himself - surfaces right before he falls asleep. It must be the late hour, where everything vulnerable feels completely abstract and intangible, but he thinks it’s a lot easier to stop himself from thinking those things about Audrey than it is to stop thinking those things about you. 

While you and Ben drift off to sleep, safe and sound in each other’s arms, someone else is wide awake. Sitting in the dorm she shares with Evie, Mal sits on her bed, scouring her spell book exactly like she’s been doing since Ben left earlier that afternoon. After hours of hitting brick wall after brick wall, Mal is met with the back cover of the book. Again. She lets out a frustrated noise, and flips back to the beginning.

“There’s not a single love spell in this whole fucking book!” She exclaims. She looks over the first few pages, reading them more closely in hopes that she somehow missed something. Evie sits across the room in front of a lit up mirror, plucking meticulously at her eyebrows. 

“Are we…” She winces, then inspects her skin and eyebrows again. “Are we sure we need a love spell?” 

Mal rolls her eyes at the question. Yes, obviously they need a love spell. Evie is oblivious to her irritation, and continues thinking out loud around her careful use of the sharp tweezers in her hand. 

“I could… just work my charm on him. All it would take is one look into my…” Another wince. “Hypnotizing eyes, and he’d be wrapped around my finger.”

She leans back, taking a final look at her work, more satisfied with her appearance now. 

“I mean, he’s not really my type, but…” she shrugs, and looks at Mal, waiting for some kind of reaction from her. Mal doesn’t look up at Evie’s eyebrows, she just keeps digging through her book and ignoring the sound of Carlos and Jay playing videogames.

“No, we need a spell. This has to work. It has to be foolproof.” 

Evie grabs a jade roller and some hydrating gel. She still can’t believe how amazing the makeup and the skincare in Auradon is. She hasn’t seen one half wilted aloe plant, and this gel is infused with roses from Aurora’s moors, glacier water from Arendelle, and caviar fished from the Caribbean. She can’t wait to get her hands on a decent blush, and a lip liner that doesn’t double as eyeliner and an eyebrow pencil. 

Evie notices the scowl on Mal’s face as she hunches over the spell book. Normally she would scold Mal for making faces that will give her wrinkles, but now that she has her hands on retinol, hyaluronic acid, and hydrocolloid patches, she can fix any stress wrinkles Mal brings upon herself. After what feels like an eternity of searching the same pages over and over, something catches Mal’s eye, causing her to stop in her tracks. It’s more of her mothers rambling annotations and scrawled notes, this time on the topic of hypnosis. 

Hypnosis can be useful as long as you’re stealthy with it. Jafar got sloppy, he kept hypnotizing that stupid sultan over and over, not bothering to use hypnosis for it’s true purpose - a means to an end. If you’re an evil genius like I am, and you use hypnosis sparingly, no one will be the wiser. Don’t get me started on that oversized calamari - Ursula has to be the best example of what not to do when you’re hypnotizing a bonehead prince to make him think he’s in love with you. Something as easily breakable as a necklace? Please. Besides, everyone knows the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. 

Her mother’s scratchy handwriting goes on for a while, some anecdote about her and Mal’s father, something she’d rather not read. Ever. She thinks back to what Evie said about wrapping Ben around her finger, and in one desperately needed moment of clarity, everything falls into place. A plan begins to form in her mind. 

“This… this could work.” She says. Those three, quietly spoken words get the attention of everyone in the room. Evie sets down her gua sha stone, and Carlos pauses their videogame. They all walk over, hesitant and eager to hear what Mal figured out. Mal lets out a laugh of disbelief. It seems so simple now, she wonders why she didn’t think of it sooner. She can just hypnotize Ben into falling in love with her. She can trick him into thinking that he loves Mal more than he’s ever loved Audrey, then - boom! Front row seats to coronation, which means front row seats to stealing the wand out from under their noses. 

While Mal silently hashes out the details so she can tell her friends, Evie inspects her cuticles. She really should push them back. She stands up, grabbing a cuticle pusher and an orange wood stick from her pencil cup before making her way back over to Mal’s bed. As the three of them wait with bated breath, Mal looks over the hypnosis spell again and again. After a few moments, she tucks a piece of paper between the pages, marking her spell to reference later. She slams the book shut, and looks up at her friends.

“Come on guys. Let’s go bake some cookies.”

[lightandfellowship]

I've been thinking about a Wish world in Kingdom Hearts (I didn't watch the movie sorry, I've just seen a bunch of clips and know what the plot is) and y'know. As unlikely as it is for Rosas to be in a KH game since the movie wasn't received very well from what I can tell, I actually think it has a lot of potential as a KH world.

First of all, I thought about which characters should visit it, and I decided it should be Terra, Aqua, and Ven. One, because of the movie's emphasis on looking up at the stars, which is a repeated visual for that trio in particular, and two because I think you could draw some parallels between Magnifico and Eraqus in terms of them being these leaders with tragic backstories who are pure looking on the surface but are kinda paranoid and controlling beneath it all, harboring darkness that they're not even aware of. I know Eraqus and his somewhat rocky relationship to TAV got resolved already in KH3, but I still think it would be neat if TAV had to more openly grapple with some of the bad things Eraqus did through witnessing Magnifico and making that connection between them. After all, it's not like they ever really got the opportunity to talk about it with each other. Maybe they even think Magnifico could be saved because of this, I don't know.

The biggest thing I think would make Rosas a cool KH world is the fact that in the movie it seems like wishes are a part of someone's soul, or at least a part of their lifeforce, and I think in the KH universe this concept would manifest a little differently; instead wishes would actually be a sliver of your heart. And Magnifico hoarding the wishes all in one place has the potential to create another artificial Kingdom Hearts in a way, regardless of if he's even aware that that's what he's doing or not. Maybe a KH character brings this up as a reason for why hoarding them is dangerous, or something. Maybe this is why Magnifico wants to keep all the wishes to himself by the end of the movie, even, because he learned about Kingdom Hearts from his books and knows how powerful it is.

Continued under the read more because I had a lot to say, apparently:

Additionally, Magnifico having the ability to just remove parts of people's hearts without much consequence (think about what MX did to Ven and how that put him into a seemingly permanent coma until Sora's heart intervened) would perhaps draw the attention of the Master of Masters and the Foretellers, giving them a reason to show up in this world and investigate. The movie implies that some people who give up their wish lose their zest for life, so I guess in a way that's kind of like a light coma situation that makes sense with what happened to Ven, but the cast wouldn't be aware of this consequence initially, and would think that giving up your wish/a sliver of your heart has little to no downsides.

As well, several interesting questions would arise: how did Magnifico manage to cultivate magic powerful enough to remove parts of people's hearts without being a Keyblade Master himself (could there be magical tomes from Scala in his expansive library)? (Or, shit, what if he is a Keyblade Master? That would be kinda sick.) Can he remove only the light or darkness from people's hearts if he so chose, and if he could, is that useful to the MoM? What happens when he destroys the wishes or absorbs their power (would the consequences be the same or different from the movie)? When someone's wish gets granted, what happens to that sliver of their heart? Etc. It creates a lot of intrigue for the worldbuilding of the KH universe while connecting it all back to a Disney property, something KH sometimes struggles to pull off.

I also think it would be neat if the act of giving Magnifico your wish was initially this perfectly safe thing, but then one day Heartless started spawning every time it happened, thus creating another reason for TAV to be here. The KH characters mistakenly think that this is happening because people are losing (parts of) their heart. But this is just misdirection, and it turns out that the Heartless only started showing up because Magnifico's own growing darkness drew them to the world (perhaps this darkness manifesting from his desperation to maintain his power) and it had nothing to do with the act of giving up your wish after all. This would kinda go hand-in-hand with the "no one suspected Magnifico of being villainous" thing; TAV would also not suspect him at first and would be trying to help him with his Heartless problem upon first landing in the world.

While I'm not a huge fan of how Magnifico gets corrupted/possessed by the magic book halfway through the movie (at least based on the details I know, maybe I'd change my mind if I saw the movie, idk), imagine that Ven witnesses Magnifico not acting like himself anymore and being clearly possessed and it causes Ven to have a flashback to his own possession from KHUX. Assuming in this case that Ven hasn't gotten all of his memories back yet; perhaps this is one event of many that leads to him recovering his other memories. I think TAV would also probably wonder if Magnifico's "change of heart" (pun not intended) was the result of darkness corrupting him. Maybe not just darkness; if the primordial darknesses are going to continue being relevant moving forward, maybe TAV even wonders if a capital-D Darkness is using Magnifico as a vessel. But, no, they find out that the magic book corrupting him is just powered by darkness and nothing more (though it does beg the question of where the book came from...)

Oh! And you know the scene at the end of the movie where all the townspeople regain their spark despite not getting their wishes back and they manage to defeat Magnifico? In this version they're actually growing back the sliver of their heart that they gave to Magnifico by working together and connecting with each other, like how the Nobodies did. I think that would be cool.

Finally. I'm also thinking about ways that TAV could relate to Asha, the main character. Aqua and Asha are both creative (metalwork and drawing), care deeply about looking out for others, and had to learn the hard way that everything they knew about their home and how they were raised was maybe not as idyllic or right as they thought. I don't know if this applies to movie Asha, but at least in the deleted scenes/old storyboards we learn that she desired adventure, and Ven could relate to her on that front. As for Terra...they both lost a father figure early in life and know what it feels like to have their guardian(s) not trust them/take them seriously.

[notmorbid]

exoskeletons... pt. 1.

dialogue prompts from i keep my exoskeletons to myself by marisa crane.

i could hang out in a dumpster with you.

what are you talking about? what are you saying?

if you die, i'll kill you.

this brandy has eggnog in it.

i don't want to be strong, i want to be a time-traveler.

if you're going to interrupt my nightly cry, at least make it interesting.

i want to be domestic with you.

according to my mom, i screamed for three years straight.

is there anything you want to know about me before we get in too deep?

do you have any crimes you want me to commit on your behalf?

you don't give up on family.

are any of your beliefs actually your own?

tomorrow, i'll recover from today.

i don't want anyone to know what i'm doing.

there are always scared, lonely people inside the internet.

accountability is necessary to promote change.

i'm only saying what everyone else is thinking.

human beings can grow used to just about anything if given the opportunity.

emotional regulation skills. you should acquire some.

there is a reason 'devotion' sounds like 'motion'.

i'll go with 'avoiding my avoidance' for a thousand dollars.

everyone always thinks the past was simpler days.

can there be healing without forgiveness?

can there be help without hurt?

don't make this more than what it is.

i want to ask people if they ever feel sad. i know they do, but i want to hear them say it.

you're going to have to learn to adapt, you melancholy goose.

when was the last time you left the house?

i didn't kill anyone, if that's what you're asking.

i want to try again with someone who wants to try with me.

the future is a place you can never catch up to.

i've seen the future, and this isn't how you die. i promise.

what is the difference between nice and kind? only one is a result of fear.

we would make a cute ass family, huh?

you really know how to divert and distract.

where, exactly, is safe?

don't you think it's time you were nice to yourself?

you somehow make a lack of self-awareness look worse than it already does.

you've stamped me forever. like a library card.

i'm sorry for disappearing.

what kind of things do you beat yourself up over?

are you filming me? stop.

i don't hate you. i just want you back.

after all this time, your default setting is still blame.

where do you draw the line for someone you love?

there comes a point when the 'before' and 'after' must merge.

i'd cry if i wasn't so sad.

remembering is a courageous act.

nothing is like prison except actual prison.

[stobinesque]

phryctoria | chapter 2: four by four (tau)

Sometimes your gay awakening is just having someone to show you it’s possible. Steve has just come out to Robin, and suddenly she's running around with ideas and schemes.

[1][2][3][4][5][6 & 7] | [Read on AO3]

“We should go to Indy this weekend,” Robin declares as she slams the beamer’s door behind her the next morning.

“Hello to you too, Rob. And you’re so welcome for the ride. My morning’s been great, how about you?”

Robin rolls her eyes with a put-upon little huff. “Yeah, yeah. Good morning and thanks for the ride, mom.”

“Don’t take that tone with me, young lady,” he snarks back in his best ‘beleaguered housewife’ impression. It’s enough to make Robin snort and elbow him in the side. 

“Whatever, dingus.” Robin throws her feet up on the dash as he pulls out of the Buckleys’ driveway, utterly ignoring Steve’s resigned protestations. “I don’t know what’s got your knickers in a twist when I’m trying to help you.”

Steve raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “And how would a 3 hour round trip to and from Indianapolis help me, exactly, Buckley?”

“Well, Harrington,” Robin starts, with a tone that mock-suggests that he’s the stupidest thing on the face of the planet. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Hawkins isn’t exactly crawling with queers.”

The last word comes out of her mouth a little wooden and self-deprecating, and Steve seizes up at it—the idea that ‘queer’ includes him now. It’s a truth he’s always instinctively flinched away from (and, oh, shit, he owes Byers a whole new round of apologies now)—but Robin just keeps barreling on, while he feels like he’s about to be pulled under by a riptide. 

“I was thinking last night— Okay, so, you know how you’re kind of a slut?”

Steve shoves aside the cresting wave of panic (if he can take on Billy Hargrove, demonic-gorgon-dogs, and murderous Russians, he can handle fucking homophobia, right?) and lets himself settle into the familiar banter. “I would take offense to that, but you are, factually speaking, correct.” The brightness in his tone isn’t even faked. “I thought we weren’t talking about my sex life anymore, though?”

“Right, well—” Robin gestures dismissively like he’s missing the point. “—the grace period has been extended.” She pulls down the visor to start messing with her hair. “Anyway, I figured—you learn by doing, yeah? And regardless of how you actually feel about women, you know you’re good at sex, right?” Robin draws up short and turns to shoot him an intense look. “…And that is literally the only time I’m ever gonna say anything even remotely positive about your ‘sexual prowess,’ and if you try to bring it up around anyone else they’ll never find the body, Harrington.”

“Threat acknowledged, Buckles.” The corners of his mouth turn up into a helpless smile. God—how does she manage to make the end of the world so easy?

“Eugh—Buckles??” Robin looks ready to grab the wheel and steer them off the road.

Steve shrugs. “It felt right in the moment.”

“I hate you,” she says, shoving a finger in his face to emphasize the point. She falls back into her seat and continues, “Anyway, back to your gay crisis—”

“Yeah. About that.” He frowns as the dark edge of his thoughts is drawn back to the forefront to be held up for inspection. “Did you…did you, like, turn my coming out into a science experiment? Are you trying to code break my gay awakening?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations.”

“Rob.”

“Okay, look.” Robin flips up the visor and turns to look at him straight-on. “You have an opportunity in front of you that I bet most gay people don’t get to have!” The look on her face is so painfully earnest it’s almost hard to look at. “I’m pretty sure most of us realize we’re fucked up by age eleven, and then spend the rest of our lives hating ourselves so hard we can’t see past our own navels. Or we just make it everyone else’s problem. Or repress the shit out of it until we get stuck in a loveless marriage with two-and-a-half kids, a dog, and a white picket fence!” The anxious edge to her voice has Steve sitting up straighter: muscles tensing up, spine going stiff.

“Robin,” he says, slowly, delicately. “Have you…met another gay person?” 

“No? I thought we’d already established that. Also, I don’t see how that’s relevant here.”

Steve drums the fingers of his left hand against the steering wheel as he reaches over with his right to fiddle with the radio. On every inhale he can feel his chest going tighter and tighter as his lungs struggle for air. He feels like he’s back in the tunnels, breathing in pores of the Upside Down’s death-ridden atmosphere, wondering between heartbeats if his next one might be his last. “Is that …do you think we’re fucked up?”

Steve is very pointedly staring at the road ahead of them, but he can still feel the way Robin’s face falls as she continues to look at him with what he knows will be too much sincerity. 

“I…” The way Robin’s voice trails off into quiet uncertainty is what finally makes Steve turn to look at her.

She’s wearing an expression he doesn’t think he’s seen before. Sadness, yes—but tied up with confusion, and anger, and—well, he looks in the mirror too often not to know what self-loathing looks like on a person. The two of them are too alike, he thinks.

“Robbie.” He reaches out a hand to her, palm outstretched and expecting. The comforting weight of her grip tightening in his follows a moment later, and he squeezes her hand twice, like a heartbeat. For courage, maybe. Or just to say I’m right here. And, I’m not going anywhere. Robin squeezes back twice in return. 

“I used to,” she whispers. “I still do, on bad days, y’know?”

Steve nods. 

“And, yeah.” Robin sighs and turns to lean her head against the passenger side window. “Up until now I’ve been figuring it out on my own. And, like, there are books and stuff? But anything I read I’ve gotta make sure to do at the library, but without anyone seeing me. And there are, like, two pulp novels—that are literally disintegrating—where the lesbians die at the end—and holy shit I think that’s the first time I’ve said that word out loud—and one book of gay history that I have to assume was ordered by accident in 1976. And I’m pretty sure if we were literally anywhere other than bumfuck Indiana I could probably find more…more anything. But. Uh.” Robin shoots him a halfway sheepish look. “I don’t have a car?”

Steve laughs, the shock of it unraveling the inky vines of panic that’d been working their way across his chest. “Oh my God,” he gasps through the laughter. “I realize I’m gay, and somehow the fact that I have a car is still the most interesting thing about me. Also, hold on a second— Robin, you don’t even have a license.”

Robin throws her hands up. “Exactly.”

“Thirdly—”

“Thirdly? Since when were we making lists!”

“Thirdly—” Steve over-exaggerates his steering on the turn he’s making to emphasize his point. “I can’t believe I’m being saddled with a field trip in exchange for baring my soul to you.”

Robin snorts. “We find the right bar in Indy and you can bare more than that.”

Steve blinks, thoughts grinding to a halt again, but this time he’s flashing hot with something closer to interest than shame. “Are there gay bars up there?”

Robin shrugs. “I mean, yeah? It’s a city, right?”

“Oh my God.” Steve stares off into the middle distance as he comes to a horrifying realization. “Oh my God. We really are just two idiots up against the world together. Doomed to symbiotic cluelessness for the rest of our lives.”

“Think of it this way: it’ll be an adventure! This time with at least 70 percent fewer drugs and torture.”

“Yeah, that’s comforting,” Steve scoffs as he pulls into the parking lot outside of Hawkins High. 

“Oh, come on, Steve. We won’t be the first gay teens who’ve stumbled into the city with no idea what they’re doing. We’ve just gotta…look the part?”

Steve bangs his head against the steering wheel with a resigned groan. “Fine. Let’s go on a big gay field trip to get me laid, and get you…gay…summer reading? Also we should probably talk about that whole ‘this is the first time I’ve even said the word ‘lesbian’ out loud’ thing at some point.”

Robin swats at his arm, and he snaps his head up to glare at her in confusion.

“You’ve concussed yourself enough without willfully banging your head against things, asshole! Also, it definitely doesn’t count as summer reading anymore.” She pushes open the door with a dramatic flourish, and Steve doesn’t bother to say anything when it bangs open with just a touch too much force. He’s already accepted that he’s never going to meet another person who treats his baby the way she deserves. Robin turns to plant an obnoxiously loud, smacking kiss on his cheek with a manic grin on her face. “But yeah, sounds like a plan! Except for that last part, I’m pretty happy to just keep ignoring that.”

Steve gazes heavenward as Robin slams the door closed again. He’s not sure what he did to deserve Robin Buckley, but if he ever finds out he’s gonna thank his past self, and then firmly smack him across the face. 

Actually—maybe in the opposite order.

“Have a good last first-day, Rob,” he calls out the driver’s side window.

“Yeah, yeah, see you at three, Steve!” She waves back at him without really paying attention as she runs to catch up with a couple of students he assumes she must know from band, or something.

Steve smiles after her, and then catches sight of the kids all nervously congregated by the bike rack. Dustin turns to face the lot, beaming his toothless smile back at Steve, and Steve waves back in response. Once the warning bell rings, and they’ve all dragged themselves into the building, Steve pulls away, wishing, for the sake of them all, a happy and uneventful year.

Notes:

We are simply handwaving away the fact that in season four Steve reveals that he didn't realize that Robin doesn't have her license. As funny as that is, it simply does not make sense for how close I have written them here. …and also I wrote that bit of dialogue before remembering it was technically non-canonical, but I liked it too much to rework it. Steve being out as gay already breaks season four canon and also this series will more majorly break from season four canon down the line so you can just consider this the first (second?) casualty. The inspiration for the line about a history book getting purchased accidentally in 1976 is a reference to Gay American History by Jonathan Katz, which did in fact come out that year. Also, while Robin is at least a little nervous about her parents potentially finding gay books she's brought home, her refusal to check anything out from the library is more because she's worried about the librarian seeing them/having a paper trail of what she's borrowed (even if no one should be looking at her browsing history). Also, to be clear (and also as a warning for chapters to come): while Robin and Steve did kind of forget about the AIDS epidemic for a hot second, I very much did not. They've got a lot going on in their little traumatized, teenage minds, is all.

[weepyyomei]

wips

I am a self taught digital artist and have been doing digital art for about two years now. If you have any, I would very much appreciate any feedback or advice. Please be honest, but do not be rude. I will not hesitate to block any who make rude/hateful comments, if blocking is possible. I’m still fairly new to tumblr.

Image 1 -> squid: it is supposed to be a squid- obviously- just haven’t finished the tentacle thingies yet- it’s going to be a tattoo for my mom ^^

Image 2 -> Lady in the dress: the smaller picture is the drawing one of my friends made of a woman from their nightmare. I’m also using it as an opportunity to better learn about anatomy, shading, and lighting

Image 3 -> Star Wars oc request: it is the oc of an online acquaintance. I haven’t exactly done many full body drawings but, as I am with the others shown here, I’m working on trying different poses, positions, and maybe soon I’ll learn to do better perspective. Image 4 -> persona: the name of it says it all. It’s my persona. Honestly, I have tried many times to draw other faces in the same style I used on this one, but I’ve failed more than I’ve succeeded. I don’t really think I have a trues style to my art. I feel like I change it to better fit what it is that I’m drawing rather than focusing on how I think it should be drawn.

Image 5 -> Yourself: I saw a video of the mod and immediately wanted to draw Yourself. I plan on finishing Yourself and drawing the whole scene with bf. Again, I haven’t really drawn much perspective art yet, so I’ll also be using this as more practice.

[fabulous109]

My light- Embry Call fanfic

Chapter 3-Emily

Trigger warning: anxiety, depression, mention of suicidal thoughts

Finally, the plane landed and I received my bags. Luckily, my flight was short enough to get to Seattle before too late to see anyone when I finally arrived in La Push. As I came outside the airport I saw him. Boy did the last nine months treat him well. Embry's face lit into his sweet smile and his arms engulfed me in a huge hug. I was shocked since he was never alone to pick me up, and this sudden hug without the awkward shuffling beforehand was new. He grew a lot but next to my 5 feet 5 inches, it seemed so much more. He also looked less like a scrawny kid and more like an adult. He turned 18 in February and graduated this year with Quil and Jake. I was unable to get to experience the party, however Quil drunk texted me the whole night about it. Let's say that I almost booked a flight that night just to kill him for it too.

"Hi"

"Hi" okay we're back to awkward. Embry took my bags without further words and loaded them into his trunk.

"New car?" I asked. "Nah, Jake's latest project. He thought Seattle would be the perfect test drive since the weather has less of a chance of getting bad this late into the year." Wow seems like Jake and Billy were putting their plan into motion early. I wouldn't have even thought of this one, and I am usually the coniving one. We must watch too many movies because I can see how this will go.

True to my thoughts the car broke down right when we passed the La Push territory line. As the sun set Embry looped his arm through mine and we started to walk to Billy's. It was about two miles and we had time. The arm thing was something we have done since we were kids. Conversations come naturally after the award hellos. We caught up on the ride here and now we are discussing our plans for the summer.

"So big bonfire and all, then Quil claims he will finally teach you to surf. I won't let him dunk you though. Mostly because I'll have to hold you back from killing him and I swear you see red and become the hulk. (This made me erupt in giggles.) Jake is arguing with Billy about what to get you to bake first. The whole rez is planning on ordering something from the bakery just to get your cakes again. Oh and mom said hello and to keep me out of trouble this summer for once." At that comment I stopped and inquired about her and him. He was having a rough patch with her over his father. "I mean you want to know your parents right? Speaking of why haven't I met them?"

And there it was. I've been trying to avoid this for years. "Embry, you know my adopted family travels and I am still not wanting to ask about my birth family. You know I think if you want to know your dad then your mom should tell you. It is why we are best friends." We went over this conversation a million times before, but it seems that his mom won't give in and tell him the truth about his dad. To me it seems like the truth either is so ugly like my own parent's truth that it would kill him, or that it is someone close to him or even far away. Possibly.. his mom doesn't know?

I remember the first summer I came to stay at Billy's. It was the age Embry learned from kindergarten that he didn't know his dad after seeing the other dads for special parties. There was a project where he had to draw his family tree and he could only complete half. It seems that broke him the most to this day that he never had the opportunity to know the other half of his heritage. When he met me and realized I never knew my birth parents, we stuck together, glued from the emotional trauma we battled internally. We became each other's best friend because ultimately that was the beginning of our commonalities.

Everything else fell in line. It was as if fate brought us together to help us both survive life. Embry was always there even when I wasn't in La Push. A text or call away, constant check ins for my depression and anxiety, making sure I remember to eat and sleep or not over sleep. He took that on, much to my guilt, as he stated he felt like he knew how I felt because he felt those emotions too. He claimed he wanted to be there for me because I was for him, but if you have anxiety you feel the guilt that is not always the truth, but your brain lying to you. There is so much more Embry has done. We agree that only each other seem to understand our emotions and thoughts about life. I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for him.

I might not be alive if it wasn't for him. The depression can turn my days very dark. It seems like not waking up tomorrow is a better option. He felt the same. Together we scream Twenty One Pilots "Stay alive, stay alive for me". One day we said we would get matching tattoos. For five year old kids, these emotions were foreign and hard to handle based on our parents. As teenagers, it became unbearable. He kept me alive.

Beyond the major crush I had on him, the hardest part of the friend zone is knowing that one question of the truth of one's feelings for another could destroy the 13 summers they have spent in an instant. Was it worth losing him just to claim him romantically? The feelings I have been harboring were more than romance. It was as if he drew me in with every breath because honestly I could only breathe air near him. When he isn't here, I hold my breath and fake it until he shows up again. One side tells me that can't be healthy, the other says there is a reason for all these things in my life that I am not aware of yet. I'm not a quitter, even until that brings the death of me literally or metaphorically. I want to know the reason I am tortured by this feeling. I want to know if Embry feels the same more than I want to know what this all is. If he feels it too, I wouldn't care what emotion I am drowning in, as long as he holds my hand through it like he has since we were five.

I know it sounds like I am crazy and some mental head case. I think fate brings you people who light the path for who you are. Being adopted brings a lot of questions of purpose and meaning, but he picked up every piece willingly with a smile. Always holding his hand out to grab mine or wrap me in a hug. No one else understood our moments, but we did. I would be having a mini anxiety attack inside but outside I was calm. He knew, he always knew and came running to calm me. I don't understand how or why, but fate put him here for more than a school girl crush. I am afraid to lose him, but I know I'll never be happy just being a friend. Apparently La Push knows it too..

[roomsbyadverbzine]

half bakery (aka why not) [0x763]

written by Angela Isaakidou | διάβασέ το στα ελληνικά εδώ

Eternity is now a reality!

Who said you need a body to live? With Afterlife™ you live forever!

Upload your consciousness to Afterlife™ and live with all your loved ones forever!

Communicate with the living people of your life at any time! It really works!

Don't miss the opportunity to live forever! Eternity suits us! Eternity is what we deserve!

(Subscription to the service: 12000 eternally. Contact your own insurance company to see the corresponding offers)

My dear grandfather,

It is strange that I am writing you this letter. I haven't had a real notebook in my hands for years. As I drag my pencil across the paper and watch its blunt nose shrink, I feel like I'm paying homage to your teenage self. I finally understand why your eyes glowed so beautifully under the artificial light in the emergency room when you talked about 2017 and your little black notebook. I thought it was silly, almost primitive to sit and write, but now I understand. My hand, as if it has a brain of its own, writes on its own before my head has time to think. I feel like I have a magical power that allows me to create something eternal and temporary at the same time.  

Right now you are sitting next to me on your white bed, your crazy bed as you keep calling it. You're sleeping peacefully, curled up like a baby. A moment ago you opened your tiny eyes and asked me, "What day is it, Mommy?" I didn't have time to answer you, you went back to sleep.

It's strange how even though we will meet again, relive it all over again, in a dimension we don't have the intelligence to comprehend, it hurts me to say goodbye to yourself in this body. I remember you saying that in this world we have numbered days and that's the way it should be. One day you told me that we are born into this world to love and write poems. You laughed and as your smile faded, you said that somewhere around 40 you lost your instruction manual and instead of poems you were drawing floor plans in Rhino and instead of love you had anxiety.

Ever since I can remember, you've had a worried look on your face and made hasty movements. You rarely calmed down, but when you did, you'd open your tablet and read "whatever I'm in the mood for at last." I'll never forget the first time I saw you cry. I was dancing Carmen, a role Grandma used to dance beautifully. Your favorite role from your favorite play. As soon as I got off the stage, I ran to say hello to you, Mom and the others. You said excitedly, "I wish your grandmother was here. She would have been so happy to see you dance..."

Just before you completely lost it, you vehemently refused to be uploaded to Afterlife. You may have never been able to tell me why, but I understood... I wouldn't want to be in an unknown place either, unknowable, dark and cold with all the people, or what was left of them, without the love of my life.

I love you very much, Grandpa.

I love you now. Truly, with my beating heart.

My great-grandfather was born in a village many years before the political transition. He was one of those who never thought he would live to be old. And yet he has reached the age of 126. Before he lost it completely, he barely spoke. All I knew about him was that he studied architecture, skated too much in his youth and that he was part of the last generation to eat chocolate. When he got Alzheimer's he talked incessantly, but only to me. That's when I also learned that my great-grandfather was a poet. A romantic, educated man who wrote in real pencil until he forgot his name.

He died on April 19, 2126, my birthday.

I read him my letter, he smiled. He took my hands, kissed them, and as he closed his eyes I realized that the last face he saw was Grandma's.

Angela Isaakidou is from Kavala, she studies in Ioannina. She shares stories usually with dance, she decided to try with writing. this is a machine-translation, later edited by humans.

photos: Fani Tranou | featuring: Stella Parastatidou, Christos Vogiatzis | graphic design: Stratos Politis | a&r: Konstantinos Karaiskos

[lightboundhellhound]

half asleep too tired to brain but. uh. idk what to ask just give information about creatures

okokok!!!! under the cut cos this is a lot of words skjdfkk

chip: half cat half fox because thats possible ig. the youngest of the group, she has a lot of energy and always wants to play. she’s determined to befriend bing even though he’s antagonistic af and doesn’t want friends. chip was found by duke when she was like a day old, and ive decided just now that duke has a family, a wife and three kittens, and chip fit right in (even if she’s a bit bigger thanks to her fox genes)

duke: the oldest of the group and the leader. he lost an eye when a dog attacked him :( for a while he wanted nothing to do with dogs until he got to know tyler (a dog i haven’t drawn yet) (well not since 2018, here’s an old drawing)

duke didn’t trust tyler but jupiter vouched for him, and so he joined the junkyard jaminals. duke and tyler are actually besties now!

bing: so emo. hates everyone 🥰 while duke went through hell and still has hope, bing went through hell and his hope died. he’s pessimistic, kind of a jerk, and is only a junkyard jaminal because duke insists on “fixing him”. he kinda serves as bombs second in command, and they’re both in charge of keeping outsiders away. he’s less enthusiastic about than bomb is lol

jupiter: she’s dukes wife! she’s co-leader of the junkyard jaminals and chips mom :33 she’s incredibly stealthy, having grown up on the streets with her brothers and parents and learning how to survive without being caught by animal control

squiggle: he’s in charge of surveillance, watching from his tower for any incoming enemies or threats. he mostly naps up there though cos nothing ever tends to happen. also he’s lazy ksjdkfk chip likes to visit tho! squiggle takes the opportunity to teach her how to watch for danger so he can nap lmao

clementine: one of jupiter and dukes kids and juneberry’s twin sister! she’s the nurse, helping juneberry take care of injured or sick jaminals. she doesn’t really enjoy it, and would rather be a fighter like bomb or bing. but duke and jupiter won’t let her cos they don’t want her getting hurt

juneberry: the doctor cat, and clementines twin! they call each other twins cos while there are three in their litter, they look way more similar to each other than they do with their other sibling i have yet to design ;^^ juneberry loves being a doctor cat! she’s all about helping her friends and family <3 she’s very silly btw

tallulah: idk what she actually is? i adopted her from another artist cos i loved her design but it didn’t occur to me that. i should have at least some idea of how she fits in the narrative? for now let’s say she’s a lab experiment that wasn’t supposed to be sentient. and now she helps with surveillance cos. she has wings? idk

xveca: she’s from a planet that was taken over by mars (space colonialism smh). she escaped, and was on her way to mars to fight those guys, but as she passed the sun her ship went haywire and she crashed on earth. duke and jupiter are the only ones who know she’s an alien. she’s very confused by earth customs and such. duke and jupiter have taught her a lot tho! she’s in charge of finding food

muffin: idk how she fits in the narrative actually. i never decided. she’s very sweet tho

bubbles: same here. he and muffin were such wasted potential </3 he loves to play!

bomb: she has an explosive temper (haha) but she’s loyal to the very end and very kind. she’s in charge of guarding the junkyard and handling threats however she sees fit (bing helps). she has this cool power where if she wants to she can explode, but it uses up one of her nine lives

now i need to design jupiter and dukes son and im golden! lmao

[musings-of-a-rose]

A Tale of 2 Javi's - Part 2

A Tale of Two Javi’s

Pairing: Javier Peña, Javi Gutierrez x f!reader (reader is married to Javi G)

Word Count: 8900+ (a little long, I’m sorry)

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: Please note this is part 2 of 3! 

I’m doing math so you don’t have to (just in case you’re a nerd like me):

Javier P arrives in Colombia: 1987

Javier and Reader Meet: Spring of 1988

Javier and Reader Breakup: Fall of 1989

Javi G and Reader Meet: Spring of 1990

Javi G and Reader Marry: Spring of 1991

Escobar dies: 1993

Story starts in summer of 1994

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

Main Masterlist

Javier Peña Masterlist

Javi G Masterlist

PART 2 of 3

&lt;<Part 1<<

Late Summer, 1989

Your youngest student, Mateo, lived several bus rides away from your classroom. He had just shown up one day wanting to learn English, but he came from a family with nearly no income. His family wanted the best for him and they thought learning English would put him ahead of others and give him opportunities they were never given. They tried to work out a payment plan with you, offering to bring you food or whatever they could scrounge up. Of course, you’d hear none of it and welcomed Mateo into your classroom, free of charge. The family was welcomed as well but they had to work, but Mateo’s mom would always accompany him on the bus to and from class, since he was only about 6 years old. 

Class let’s out and everyone gathers up their things and heads out. You stay behind a moment, chatting with another student before gathering up your things and heading out. You see Mateo waiting at the bus stop, completely alone. Walking up to him, you ask him where his mom is and he assumes she’s late. You wait with him for the next bus to see if his mom is on that one. She isn’t. It’s pretty unlike her, so Mateo and you head back inside to see if any messages had been left. His mom had managed to call and say she had to work late and that Mateo should take the bus on his own. Visibly nervous, Mateo shifted from foot to foot, holding back tears. 

Using English to practice, you turn to him. “Mateo, would you like me to go with you? To your home?”

Mateo sighs in relief, nodding profusely. “Yes, Miss. If you…” he screws up his brow in concentration. “If you can?”

“Great work! Let’s go. You show me how to get there, ok?”

Mateo is a great kid - very nice, chatty, in Spanish or English. He’s a fantastic student, very aware of his parent’s will for him to learn English, but also his own desire to make things better for himself and his family. You take about 5 bus changes before walking several blocks to his home. The sun is starting to dip behind the makeshift buildings and you hope someone is home for him. This isn’t a neighborhood to be alone in.

Entering his home, Mateo calls out for his family and receives no answer. He looks in the back bedroom, in case someone is there sleeping, but the house is empty. 

“Will you stay with me a bit, Miss?”

“Yes, Mateo. Are you hungry? Do you have something I can cook?”

He nods, walking over to the small kitchen area and grabbing a few snack bars. “My mom brings home food. Sometime she…is….late?”

You nod, and decline his offer, telling him you had a large lunch. There’s no way you were going to take his food.

About 40 minutes later, Mateo finishes and then all but drags you to the back (and only) room to show you a picture his mom let him draw on the wall, the door, on uneven hinges, closing behind you. The picture was a simple field with grass, clouds, a few trees, and some birds. He was particularly proud of the sun with a smiley face on it.

SLAM!

The front door slams open and you both jump. Mateo moves towards the door, but you grab his arm, pulling him back - something about this doesn’t feel right. The hairs on your arms stand straight and you feel a little sick. 

There’s rapid Spanish being flung between 2 men and judging by the look on Mateo’s face, it’s no one he knows. Silently, you point to the open window and then back to Mateo. He swallows hard and then nods, pulling himself through the window as you boost him up. He makes it outside and stands against the house waiting for you. 

Then the gunfire starts. 

Rapid pops fire off in the living room where the men’s voices were, but the shots were coming from outside of the house. Launching yourself through the window, you cut your palms on some jagged stone, choking back a swear as you tumble out onto the ground, gathering up Mateo and holding him to you as you crouch, back against the house, the door to the room you were just in bursting open, the gunfire getting louder. 

Then suddenly, it’s silent. Which is somehow more terrifying. 

After about 10 minutes, you hear some people shuffle out of the front door, get into a jeep, and pull away. Not daring to move, you cling to Mateo as he clings to you, silent tears pouring down his face. 

3 minutes later, more jeeps and trucks pull up, voices firing off commands in rapid Spanish. The door is kicked open and you hear men moving throughout the small home, and calls from the men saying it was clear. And something about “this is fucked up”. One of the men leaves out the front door, calling to someone by the jeeps that he needed to come see. The man responds and your heart leaps from your chest.

Javier.

Whispering to Mateo that it was ok, the good guys were here, you stand up and move around the house, just catching sight of the tight jeans and bright teal shirt that you knew he’d worn to work today. Some men by the truck spot you coming up and they rush you, telling you to put your hands up in Spanish.

“Javier!” You manage to yell as you put your hands up.

A second later, Javier emerges from the home, a mixture of horror and relief on his face at the sight of you. 

“Hermosa?” He waves the men off and you put your arms down, holding Mateo to your side as he had wrapped his little arms around you. Javier walks up to you and cradles your face, looking you all over to see if there were any wounds.

“I’m fine, Javier.” Tears start to stream down your cheeks, but your wipe at them furiously with your free hand. Mateo squeezes you harder and you blink, momentarily forgetting he was glued to your hip.

“This is Mateo. He lives here with his family. They were staying late at work so I made sure he got home ok.”

Javier glances down at Mateo who meets his strong gaze with his own. Before they could say anything, a woman yells Mateo’s name. His mother had come up and, seeing the scene, started screaming his name. Mateo bolted to his mom, hugging her and telling her what happened. She thanked you for everything, not sure how to repay you, which you waved off, just happy they were ok. 

But when you looked back at Javier, you were met with fiery anger in his eyes. He grabs your arm and steers you towards the back of Mateo’s house, anger and frustration in each step.

“Javier?” You question, but are met with silence as he continues to push and pull you around the small house, his chest heaving behind his tact vest.

“What the fuck were you thinking, hermosa?” He’s not yelling, trying to keep his voice quiet, between the both of you. But there’s no mistaking his tone.

“What?”

“What..the fuck…were you thinking? Or were you not thinking? Is that it?”

“I-”

“Do you even know where you are? What kind of a neighborhood this is?”

“Well, my stude-”

“This is where all the shit happens, hermosa. Shootouts, thefts, my work brings me to these areas all the time. And women…..well women get it worse sometimes.”

“Javier, my 6 year old student was going to have to ride home, across several bus changes to an empty home in this neighborhood. I couldn’t just let him go alone.”

Javier scoffs. “So you put yourself in danger? For someone else’s kid?”

“For a kid Javier. And if I wasn’t there, he’d have most likely died in whatever the fuck happened back there.”

He stands in front of you, one hand still wrapped around your arm while his other finds his hip, his jaw clenching together.

“That’s just it, hermosa. You don’t think! You don’t take the time to think about all the fucked up shit that’s going on here. What can happen-”

“I always think about it, Javier. I have to think about it everywhere I go, no matter if it’s here or the States. I’m a woman. I have to look out for myself.”

“Then what the fuck, hermosa?”

“Because Mateo doesn’t deserve to die because he lives in poverty and was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“The kid would’ve been fine on his own.”

“You just spent the last few minutes yelling at me about how bad this area is but he would’ve been fine? Do you even hear yourself?”

“You don’t see what I see every day, hermosa! Do the things I do, none of it.”

Sweat is beading slightly at his hairline, causing curls to start to form. The tach vest he still wears is heaving, and yet his anger doesn’t seem entirely towards you. But when he speaks, he’s no longer yelling. It’s quiet, almost as if he were afraid to say it.

“You….you could’ve been killed. And it would’ve been my….I wouldn’t be able to deal with you not being in this world.”

Reaching out, you grip the top of his vest and pull him towards you, Javier pushing your back against the stone wall of Mateo’s home as his initial surprise is quickly replaced by desire. He taps your thigh and helps you lift it over his waist, cradling your face as his tongue explores your mouth, feeling your hands fumble with the button on his impossibly tight jeans. Finally, it pops open and you slide the zipper down, pulling him out as he breaks the kiss to inhale sharply. 

You hold his hardened dick, pushing aside your underwear (and thankful you’d worn a dress) as he slides through your wet folds a few times before pushing in roughly. You cry out at the rough stretch and his hand claps down over your mouth as he thrusts into you at a hard pace.

“Ssshhh,” he rasps in your ear, his own soft grunts and pants fanning out across your neck. 

Your handles scramble across him, trying to find something to hold onto. Fingers land on the edge of his tach vest and your grip it tight, pulling him a little closer to you. This changes his angle and the bottom of the vest starts to hit your clit directly with every thrust. Moaning under his hand, your fingers grip the vest tighter as Javier continues to fuck you, his anger dissapating with every thrust. 

“So..fucking…stubborn…shit!” The last word is rasped out as you come around him, the walls of your pussy squeezing around him. He manages a few more thrusts before he comes, biting your shoulder to stop himself from moaning your name. 

A few moments go by before you both remember where you were. Javier pulls out, sucking in some air as your foot hits the ground. It’s now that you feel how sore you are, a pang in your hip from the odd angle, your back a little scraped up from the wall despite being covered, and you feel slightly bruised from the tach vest, but it’s not something you’re mad at by any means. Javier shifts as he tucks himself back into his pants and zips them up. 

“I’ll, uh…see you later.” He says awkwardly, his hands on his hips as he turns to walk around the house. 

—----

Present, Summer 1994

There’s no way you can call Javier, as you’re fairly positive the phones are tapped. Trusting anyone outside of Javi is impossible - Cali’s reach goes beyond even that of Escobar’s. Digging through your clothes, you manage to find an outfit that doesn’t match the style of clothes you’ve brought (loyal drug lord housewife glam). It’s simple jeans, flats, and a frumpier shirt that doesn’t conform to your figure. You’d also brought a wig, which you’d love to say is for roleplay but honestly, it was for this exact reason - disguise. Folding these up as small as you can, you find a larger purse and shove them towards the bottom, dumping the normal contents of your purse on top. 

Javi is out, at another meeting and so you head out, waving off the driver to drive yourself. This isn’t uncommon for you and they all know you’d lived in Colombia before, so no one finds this suspicious. You park about 20 blocks from the DEA building near a large shopping plaza, making a mental note to buy some things before you head back. You dress in your new clothes, tossing the one’s you’d been wearing in the bottom of your bag before checking your reflection to make sure the wig was in place. Heading out, you head straight for the DEA, not sure if they’ll even help you locate him or even have the information since he’s not in Colombia.

Taking a deep breath before you enter, you push the doors open and head straight for the receptionist. 

“Hello. I’m looking for someone. Maybe you can help me?”

The receptionist, an older lady, smiles. “I will certainly try, but this isn’t the embassy-”

You shake your head. “No, I know that. But this person is or was a DEA agent.”

She looks you up and down for a quick moment before speaking. “I cannot give out information on agents.”

“I realize that, but maybe you can tell me if he’s even here? It’s…really important.” Your hand comes to cover your stomach to help the nerves die down, but the receptionist appears to take this action in a very different way.

“Oh. I see. Who are you looking for?”

“Agent Peña.”

The receptionist scoffs, mumbles something like “That figures”, before shaking her head. “Would you like to make an appointment to meet with him?”

“I don’t understand. Is…wait is he here? In Colombia?”

“Yes. He’s the head of the DEA here.”

Your vision starts to darken around the edges as you sway slightly. You’d thought he’d be in the States, that you’d get some sort of non bugged phone to speak with him. But he’s here? In Colombia? And now you’ll get to speak with him face to face…are you even ready for that?

“I-I-”

Just then, a man walks around the corner and over to the desk, paying you no mind. There’s no need to look at this man - you’d know him anywhere. 

“Rachel, I’m heading out to lunch. If anyone needs me-”

“Actually, Agent Peña, this woman here needs to speak with you.” She gestures towards you and Javier turns, his dark eyes finding yours. 

Silence passes between you both as recognition washes over Javier. Rachel breaks the silence. 

“Agent Peña, I believe you were heading out for lunch? Maybe you could spare a few minutes for your-I mean this woman?”

“I-” he clears his throat, clearly caught. “I don’t have the time-”

Rachel fixes him a look. “Agent Peña. As a woman, I must insist.”

He glances at her and her stern look shakes him into action.

“Fine. Walk with me.” Javier takes off out the front doors and you try to keep up with him. 

He says nothing, making a beeline for the parking garage, walking up 3 flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator, and walking to his jeep. A similar jeep to the one he’d had before you realize. He doesn’t open the door for you, obviously hoping you’d have given up by now. He gets in and slams his door and you do the same, closing your door much quieter. He turns on the jeep and starts the ac, still saying nothing. A couple minutes pass, the ac getting cooler before you finally muster up the courage to speak.

“I’m in trouble.”

Javier doesn’t look at you directly. Instead, he pops a piece of nicotine gum into his mouth and starts chewing, his jaw clenching a little harder than it normally should. 

“It’s the cartel-”

“Everyone is in danger from the cartels.”

“Yes, but this is different.”

He continues to chew. “I’ve heard that before from many people.”

Now he’s pissing you off, acting like he wasn’t the one to walk out on the both of you. “Could you at least do me the fucking courtesy of looking at me?”

“Just say what you came here to say.”

It’s then you realize he thinks this is about closure, about what had happened between you. 

“I’m married to Javi Gutiérrez.”

That got his attention.

Javier’s eyes snapped to yours, an odd expression in them. “You’re what?”

“I’m married to Javi Gutiérrez.”

“Javi Gutiérrez, as in the head of the Mallorca Cartel, Javi Gutiérrez?”

You sigh. “That’s the one.”

“Why the fuck would you marry him?”

“That’s just it - he’s not what you think.”

Javier scoffs. “Yeah I’m sure he’s a great guy, behind all the drugs and murder.”

“He’s not the true head of the cartel.”

You've surprised him again. “What do you mean?”

You launch into your story, explaining how Javi is not the head of the Mallorca Cartel, how it was passed down from his father to his cousin, Lucas, but that he threatened Javi if he did not pretend to be the head so Lucas could run things behind the scenes and move more freely. Plus if anyone tried to take him out, they’d think it was Javi. It was impossible to say no and Javi told himself he could never get married or have a family. Until he’d met you. 

“And he just pulled you into all this shit?” Javier asks, his anger apparent on his face.

“No. He told me when he proposed.”

Javier’s eyes grew wide. “You mean you chose to stay with him?”

“Yeah. Because that’s what you do when you love someone, Javier.”

A heavy silence falls between you as it’s obvious he’s remembering the night he simply left without a word and proceeded to ignore you until you’d just given up. When he speaks, it’s calmer, trying to keep his frustration at bay.

“I want to help, but I…don’t want you to get hurt.”

Giving him a small smile, you hesitantly reach out and place your hand on his arm. “You’re the only person we can trust. Without your help, I’ll definitely be hurt.”

His muscles tense under your touch, and he glances down at your hand as his jaw clenches a few times. 

“I’ll need as much information as you can get me.”

Tears of relief fall from your eyes. “Thank you, Javier.”

You tell him about some big party that’s happening this weekend that you’ll be attending. He asks if you’d be willing to wear a wire and a camera, adding that if you’re caught, it would not end well. You agreed, saying that people rarely gave you a second glance, unless they were staring at your tits or ass. It was like you were a piece of meat, just arm candy. Javier disappeared for a short bit and returned with the gear, explaining how to use them. He places them in your hands and for the briefest moment, your skin touches, and butterflies immediately flood your stomach, which sickens you. Javi is a good man, always has treated you well and would never just leave you in the middle of the night. But Javier and you had history, and honestly, no closure. 

Suddenly, Javier closes his hands over yours and looks into your eyes. “Please be careful, hermo…just please be careful.”

—----

Making it back to the suite without any issues, you carefully store the spy gear in a back corner of a drawer, hoping no one goes through it. Javi enters the bedroom and you exit the closet, walking up to him to give him a kiss. 

“Hola, amor. I have missed you today.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

His eyes are wide and round as he looks at you, his voice dropping nearly to a whisper. “Did you talk to your friend?”

“I..did. Turns out, he’s still in Colombia. Here, actually.”

“This is great news! Unless…is he going to help us?”

“Yes but Javi, I have to tell you-”

“No, no amor. Keep details to-”

“It’s Javier.”

Javi’s voice trails off as he stares at you, his smile dropping from his face, replaced by a thin line, his jaw clenching. Javi knew about Javier and wasn’t a fan of the way he treated you in the end. He knew how much he’d hurt you.

“Do you think he can do it?” He asks through gritted teeth.

You nod. “If anyone can, it’s him. And he may be able to bring down Cali as well as Mallorca.”

Javi nods before studying your face. “And you, amor? Are you ok to do this? To work with him?”

Hesitating, you take a deep breath. “Honestly? I don’t know. But what I do know is I love you and will do anything to get us free from this nightmare and start a family with you.”

He looks at you a few moments more before pulling you to him in a warm hug. “As long as you’re ok. Just tell me if you are not, ok? It is not worth your suffering.”

“We’re already suffering, Javi. The least I can do is deal with my ex.”

He kisses the top of your head. “Still. Keep details to yourself but if you cannot continue, it is ok.”

—---- 

After fixing the mic and camera to your body, you smooth your tight, spaghetti strap, sparkling dress over your body. Somehow, you’ve managed to hide everything without it being obvious, even if people checked you out. You didn’t tell Javi about it, honoring his request to be kept out of the loop.

The party is lavish and expensive looking, which is normal for these things. Javi pulls up to the valet, walking around his car to offer you his arm. Looping yours through his, you pull yourself out of the car, smiling wide at him as he escorts you inside. You’ve been to many of these functions, but neither of you are thrilled by them, surrounded by people who would kill you for nothing. 

It’s the same routine - Javi and you make the rounds, saying hi to various people, eventually moving up the command chain. All the men gawk at you, saying filthy things about you when your back is turned. They’d never dare to say it to your face, especially not with Javi there. Respect is actually a huge thing with these cartels. 

After shaking everyone’s hand, you turn to Javi and lean in to his ear. “I’m going to go find the women. Come dance with me later?”

He nods and gives you a kiss, the Cali Cartel smiling behind him. “I’ll see you soon, amor.”

Taking your time, you sway your hips as you walk away, glancing over your shoulder to wink at Javi, who had been checking you out. He blushes and smiles, giving you a quick wink before returning to the conversation. You make the rounds, taking your time finding the bar. When you’re waiting for your drink, you find the women, the wives, girlfriends, and mistresses of the heads of the Cali Cartel, all huddled in a corner, stretched out on plush chairs, obviously drunk already. Jackpot.

Walking over, you pretend to sway a bit, giving the illusion that you’d been drinking. The women spot you and one of them waves, recognizing you from a previous party. They each acknowledge you and return to their conversations, never usually paying you much attention outside of what was required. You couldn’t blame them - you’re not from here nor from their click. They don’t really know you, nor you them. But you do know that the second they get drunk, they start talking.

One of them starts talking about a vacation they’re going to take to Curaçao. And that her boyfriend has a very important job to take money to a bank there. With a little friendly prodding, she gives you the name of the person her boyfriend will meet up with to transfer money - Franklin Jurado. A little bit goes by and Javi approaches the group of women, smiling at them all as they fawn over him, complaining when he walks away with you. 

“You know they’re all obsessed with you, right?” You chuckle at Javi.

“Me? No way.”

“Yes way. They’re all insanely jealous of me because I get to go home with you.”

He twirls you on the dance floor and pulls you close, speaking low in your ear. “Or maybe they are jealous of me for getting to go home with you.”

Javi dances with you for a few songs, and you stay for a few more hours before calling it a night, Javi having spoken to the people he needed to. You’d gotten enough intel for Javier. As you leave however, you swear you see Jorge, Cali’s head of security, eyeing you a little closer than normal - and not in the way that men normally do. 

—----

“I have to take some things to our…friend.” You answer in response to Javi’s question of why you were leaving the bed so soon - he’d only been able to give you 4 orgasms this morning. 

“Do you have to so soon? Come back to bed, amor.”

“I’d love to, Javi, but this is important. Plus I have to get rid of it quick.”

He sits up, walking naked over to you at the vanity. “What do you mean?”

You’re quiet for a moment. “Do you want me to tell you?”

“...if you think you’re in danger, then yes.”

You tell him about the party and the wires, and how Jorge was watching you specifically as you’d left.

“Shit. Do you think he knew?”

“I don’t know, Javi. I just know I have to get this shit out of here in case he comes looking.”

He nods. “What time do you have to meet him?”

You glance quickly at the clock. “In about an hour and a half. But I have to make extra steps to make it secure.”

He leans down, one hand on the vanity in front of you and one on the back of your chair, speaking low in your ear. “Can you spare me a few minutes?”

Your body shivers as it heats up, locking eyes with him in the mirror in front of you. Nodding ever so slightly, Javi smiles at your response.

“Stand up.”

You do as he asks, but before you can turn around, Javi stops you. “Hands on the vanity.”

Leaning over, you place your hands on the vanity and watch him in the mirror. Javi moves behind you, shifting your silky robe up your back and placing a few kisses there as he slides your panties over, running his thick fingers through your wet pussy.

“Oh amor. So wet already?”

“Yes. For you, Javi.”

He stands closer behind you, pushing your panties further to the side as he lines up with you. He pauses, locking eyes with you in the mirror as he pushes into you, chuckling darkly as you gasp, mouth opening like an O.

He sets a rough pace, his hands on your hips and your knuckles straining with the pressure of holding your body upright while he rails into you. Heavy breaths, broken up with each thrust, accompanied by moans and little “yes…yes…yes…” breaks the silence of the room, the vanity threatening to break. He reaches around you and barely touches you before you’re crying out, still sensitive from your activities this morning. He groans and sputters, spilling himself inside of you a few more erratic thrusts. Pulling out, he turns you around and smiles at your fucked out look. 

“I love you, amor.”

“I love..you too…fuck.”

He chuckles, leaning in to kiss you before you finish getting ready.

—---- 

An hour and a half later, you’re sliding into Javier’s jeep, staying on your side of the bench. You hand him the gear and he takes it, trying hard not to touch your skin. 

“Did anyone make you?” He asks, concerned.

“I’m not sure. I don’t think so, but as we were leaving, Jorge, who’s the head of the Cali security, was watching me closer than the men typically do.”

Javier watches you, concern creeping in his expression. “Shit.”

You wave him off. “I’m sure it’s ok-”

Just then, a loud knock on your side of the window cracks through the jeep. You jump, turning to look as Javier grabs your arm, pulling you across the bench seat towards him, wrapping his arm around you as he pulls a gun from nowhere, pointing it at the oddly bearded man outside your window. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Javier yells. 

The man puts his hands up and you spot the pinky ring. He didn’t think to take off all identifying jewelry.

Sighing, you tap Javier’s arm. “Ease up. That’s Javi.”

“What?”

“It’s Javi. I can tell. Open the door before someone sees.”

Javier hesitates, but trusts you in the end, unlocking the doors and watching the man get in, closing the door behind him. The beard on his face is a little lopsided, but it’s hidden by the baseball cap on his head.

“Javi, what are you doing here?” You ask.

The man takes off his sunglasses. “How did you know it was me?”

“You forgot to take off your ring.”

Javi looks down at his hands, spotting the pinky ring. “Oh, shit. I forgot.” He takes it off now, stowing it in a pocket where you hear it clank against what you’re assuming is his wedding band. He straightens up and stares at the man behind you.

“Javier Peña.” Javier sticks his hand out after putting his gun away. 

“Javi Gutiérrez.”

The handshake was forced, full of tension on both sides. 

“Why are you here, Javi?” Javier asks. 

“I am here because I am concerned. Did she tell you about Jorge?”

Javier glances down at you. “She has. You think this is concerning?”

Javi nods. “I do not like it.”

“I agree. Maybe we should relocate her for a few days, say she is what…on a weekend trip with some old friends?”

“I can take care of my wife.”

“Yeah, because you’re doing such a fantastic job of it so far.”

“What the fuck would you know about it? You left!”

“And here you both are now, asking me for help. So let me protect her, since you obviously can’t.”

Javi bristles beside you. “I have always protected her, always placed her ahead of me!”

“If you wanted to protect her, you wouldn’t have married her!”

The men are leaning in towards each other and you start to feel smushed. Normally, being crammed between these two men would give you very different feelings, but considering they both look like they’re about to kill the other, you speak up. 

“OK THAT’S ENOUGH! Javi, I love you but Javier is right. If we even think for a second that Jorge suspects something, I should plan a trip. Unless that makes me look more guilty?” You turn to look at Javier, who’s anger is still very much on his face. 

“I think you’ll be ok. Assuming they all know how…in love you both are, they will not look twice at you leaving without him.”

Javi scoffs. “And you think I’m letting you take my wife to a safehouse without me?”

“You really have no choice.”

Javi stops, mouth open to retort but none comes. He realizes Javier is right, and he hates it, but he also wants to keep you safe. And judging by Javier’s reaction when he first approached the window, he is still trying to protect you.

“You are right.”

The 3 of you hash out the details and Javi leaves, kissing you longer than normal before saying he’ll see you later. Shortly after, you leave, heading back to the room to pack, after making a few quick stops at stores to show you’d been out shopping last minute for the trip. 

You drive to a location Javier gave you, a random parking lot in the city that is used but not busy, parking your car and getting into his, tossing your bag in the backseat, next to the duffle and coolers that Javier had placed there. You drive for a couple hours, out of the city and into the farmlands, eventually turning down a well concealed drive that leads up to a hidden finca (farm). No one comes out to greet you and Javier explains that this was one of Escobars - that he’d never actually stayed here but was seized after he was killed. He’d apparently had hundreds of them. 

After unpacking, Javier tosses together some sandwiches for the both of you for dinner, turning on a small radio that he had packed to whatever music he could pick up. The conversation starts out light, trying not to talk about the current situation, until Javier makes one too many covert jabs at Javi and how he’s brought you into this mess.

“Javi told me who he was before we got married. I chose to stay with him.”

Javier scoffs. “You always did like difficult men.”

“Javi isn’t difficult. He’s a great man, kind, takes care of me, treats me well-”

“So well that he drags you to cartel parties and a life where you’re always scared someone will take you out?”

Anger rises in you and your voice raises. “At least he didn’t leave me in the middle of the night and completely ignore me for whatever fucked up reason!”

Javier’s face echoes your anger. “I was protecting you!”

Scoffing, you roll your eyes. “From who? Escobar?”

“From me!” 

Javier’s expression changes, looking sad and guilty as he rubs his hand across his face. He sighs, lighting a cigarette and letting out a few puffs before continuing. He confesses to you his involvement with Los Pepes and how deep he was getting in with the bad guys. It’s justified, of course, but he still feels guilty about the innocent people that were killed because of intel he fed them - including that day at Mateo’s home. That was the event that made him realize how much he was putting you in harm’s way. He knew Los Pepes had seen you and him talking and would figure out you were together, so he broke it off, making it look like a bad breakup so they wouldn’t come after you for collateral over him. When he finishes, he’s not looking at you, but staring ahead at the wall. 

“I’ve missed you ever day since then. It’s the thing I regret most in life, leaving you the way I did. And then…you walked back into my life and for a moment I thought we could…” He takes another drag from his cigarette before leaning forward to put it out on the ashtray on the table. “This is the world making me pay for what I’ve done, had to do, in this life.” He leans against the back of the couch and looks so sad and defeated. 

You’re speechless for several moments, trying to process everything he just told you, including the part where he thought you’d come back to get back with him. Eventually, you find your voice.

“Javier…you didn’t need to protect me. I know why you did it and..thank you.”

He nods, still not looking at you. “I couldn’t give you everything you deserve anyway, hermosa.”

Hesitating, you stretch your hand out to cover his for a moment. “I’d have stayed with you forever, even if that meant we never officially married.”

Javier turns to look at you, tears building in his eyes. Something passes between you both then. Some sort of closure? It doesn’t feel entirely that way. But at least now you know why he left. 

Shaking your head, you pull your hand back. “I’m exhausted. See you in the morning.”

Back in your room, you dress for bed, tears quietly falling down your face for the first man that ever held your heart. Flashes of a life with him, where he never left you, flooding your mind - celebrating the end of Escobar’s reign of terror, going back to the States to meet his family, taking him to meet yours, maybe not getting married (or maybe so), buying a house, and even starting a family, sitting on the front porch as you watch Javier chasing around your kids, rubbing your round belly that’s making your fourth. Happy and content, living a quiet life. 

Fuck.

—----

It’s hours later, and your eyes open a crack, hearing voices from the living room. At first, you assume Javier is on the satellite phone, but then you hear another voice. A familiar voice. 

“...doesn’t matter. She’s in it now. We’ve got to keep her safe,” Javier says.

“I agree. Every day I live with regret of bringing her into this life, even though she made the choice. I’ll do anything for mi amor. She is my life.”

Javi?

The men talk some more about your safety as you blink your eyes awake, listening to them talk without yelling at each other for a change. 

“I was thinking…” Javi says.

“Let’s hear it.”

“No. No it’s… It is not a good idea.”

“Javi, anything we can do to protect her-” 

“You’re right. You’re right. I just…it’s difficult to admit.”

A few moment’s silence passes before Javi speaks again. “It is obvious to me that you still care for her-”

“I would never-”

“Just let me finish. It is obvious to me that you still care for her and I cannot blame you. I would never forget her if she were to leave me. But…maybe because of this, maybe the only way she can be truly safe is if we’re both…with her?”

Silence for another few moments.

“What does that mean?” Javier asks.

“I mean that if we are both around her, no one would dare take her from me-us.”

“But..how would this…work?”

Javi takes a deep breath. “However she would want it. If she would want it.”

“And you’d be ok with..whatever she wants?”

“Yes. I will respect her wishes.”

Silence again for several moments.

“Deal.”

“Deal.”

Footsteps sound down the hall, coming closer and closer to your room. Slamming your eyes shut, you feign sleep, your brain working overtime to process what you’d just overheard. A quiet knock sounds at the door, but when you don’t answer, you hear it being pushed open gently. 

“Amor?” Javi speaks quietly into the dark room, sitting on the edge of your bed. He places a large, warm hand on your shoulder and leans forward, a gentle kiss dusted across your lips. Unable to stop the smile that spreads across your face, you open your eyes and find Javi staring down at you. 

“Javi? What are you doing here? How?”

“Javier called me and told me the location. We needed to talk about your safety and it was too difficult to do so in the city.”

“But won’t someone be looking for you?”

“No. I told them I was leaving to take care of some things and they winked, telling me to say hi to you.”

“Guess there’s no hiding our love, huh?”

Javi chuckles. “Guess not.”

He leans forward and kisses you again, sliding his tongue in your mouth to deepen the kiss. After a few moments, he pulls back, his eyes scanning your face. 

“What is it, Javi?”

“I…well more we have something to propose to you.”

“We?”

Javier walks in then, leaning against the door frame until Javi beckons him over to sit next to him. You sit up, looking between each of their faces.

“What’s going on? Did something happen?”

“No, no, hermosa. Everything is fine.”

“But- we figured out the best way to keep you safe.”

“Y-you did?” 

Javi takes a deep breath. “Amor, I- or we, rather, care for you very much. You know how much I love you and I think you know how much Javier still loves you.”

“O..k…”

Javi continues. “We think, that is, Javier and I agree that the best way for you to stay safe is to be with us. Both of us.��

“Oh. Like a bodyguard or something?” You needed to know you weren’t making up what you’d overheard.

“If you’d like. Or…if you want more…then…I would…be ok with…that.”

Your eyes haven’t left Javi’s since he started talking. “More?”

“Amor, there is no need to play coy. We are all adults.”

“Oh.”

Javier places his hand on your knee, over your blanket. “There is no pressure, hermosa. I would guard you with my life no matter what.”

Your eyes find Javi’s again. “And you’re ok with this?”

“It was my idea.”

“Really?”

He nods. “I just want you safe and happy, amor.”

“But-”

“Yes?” Javi asks, his eyes wide like a puppy.

“But what if I don’t choose? Can’t choose?”

“I-”

“What if I want..you…both…”

Javi glances back at Javier and a look passes between them before they look back at you. “Then you would have us both.”

Heat floods your body and you’re thankful for the darkness of the room or you’re sure they’d be able to see the sweat that just appeared on your face. 

Leaning forward, your lips find Javi’s in the darkness, immediately deepening the kiss, moaning into his mouth. You feel the bed start to shift, Javier trying to leave, but your arm shoots out and you grip his shirt, holding him in place. Kissing your husband for another minute, you pull back, able to see the lust in his eyes before he nods at you ever so slightly, confirming his consent. 

Your eyes shift to Javier, just able to make him out in the darkness. Sitting up on your knees, you scoot closer to him, your face hovering in front of his, as you both sit on the precipice of your desires, years of longing, of lost potential bubbling to the surface before something snaps. Making the first move, your lips brush Javier’s and that’s all it takes. His hand comes to the back of your head, pulling you closer to him as his other hand cups your face. He pours all of his emotions into this kiss, his apology, his regret, his lust, all of it.

It’s then you feel Javi’s hands sneaking under your shirt as he sits behind you, finding your bare chest and carressing your boobs. He pinches your nipples and you break the kiss to whine, Javier chuckling into your open mouth. 

“Fuck I’ve missed that sound, hermosa.”

Javi’s hands leave you momentarily, finding the hem of your shirt and lifting it above your head, tossing it somewhere in the room. Javier’s eyes dart down, licking his lips as he stares at your hardened nipples. Javi grips the back of your neck, pulling your head back as he kisses you, pushing your chest out and towards Javier. He wastes no time at the invite, diving down to take a boob in his mouth, licking figure 8’s across your nipple. Breaking this kiss, you let out a small whine, Javi’s turn to chuckle at your response as Javier moves to the other boob.  

Javi breaks the kiss, tapping Javier on the shoulder. Javier sits up, helping Javi to move you to lay on your back across the bed, your head in Javi’s lap. Looking up at him, he smiles down at you, love in his eyes as he caresses your face, his hands drifting down to find your boobs, pinching and rubbing your nipples. Your moan becomes louder when you feel a familiar mustache dust the skin on your inner thighs, Javier wasting no time in planting himself between your legs, ripping your underwear from you. He licks at you as if he was trying to make up for lost time. He sucks at your clit and you whimper his name, feeling him push in 2 fingers, curling them and finding that spot he knows you love. It’s no time before you’re crying out, waves of bliss washing over you as they continue to work your body. 

Once you come down, you sit up, Javi’s hands falling from you and you pull Javier to you, kissing him and tasting yourself on his lips. Your hand moves between his legs and you’re surprised he’s still got his jeans on, his hard cock begging to be let free. Pulling back you meet his gaze and a moment of understanding passes between you. 

Turning back to Javi, you notice he’s still clothed, never once assuming anything about this situation. Kissing him, your fingers undo the buttons on his shirt, pushing it down and off his shoulders, tossing it somewhere in the room. His pants come off next and you push him on his back, tossing a leg over his hips to straddle him. Javi helps guide you down onto him and your head tosses back, moaning out his name as he pushes inside. On instinct, you start to roll your hips, pulling little grunts and whimpers from Javi as his hands grip your hips tighter, pulling you deeper. 

A few minutes pass before you feel lips on the back of your neck, kissing your skin as Javier’s hand pushes your upper back down, your boobs coming to rest on Javi’s chest. Javi grips the back of your head and kisses you, his tongue finding yours as you feel a wet finger circle your other hole. Always gentle, Javier works at you, taking his time pushing in a finger, then 2, getting you ready, all while listening to the way you cry and whimper into Javi’s mouth. Javier removes his fingers and you feel him shift his weight, the tip of him already on you as he gets ready. He squeezes your ass cheeks, pulling them apart to watch you slolwy riding Javi. 

“Are you ready for me, hermosa?” He asks in a low voice.

Breaking the kiss, you breathe out “Yes,” Javi pulling you back in to kiss you more.

Javier slowly pushes inside of you and Javi breaks the kiss to let you moan and cry out, you body stretching to accommodate both men, your body burning with pleasure. 

“Oh shit,” Javi pants. “I can…I can feel you coming in.”

Javier grunts. “I feel you too.”

Javier bottoms out and the three of you stay still for a moment, the men giving you time to adjust to them both. Stretched nearly beyond capacity, you already feel your orgasm building. 

“I’m good. Fuck, you guys are…fuck…make me feel so…full…” You pant out. “Move. Please.” You’re begging and you really don’t give a shit.

They seem to communicate something over your shoulder and start to move, one of them pulling out while the other pushes in. The stimulation is constant, someone always brushing against a spot inside of you, lighting you up. The sounds they make, little grunts, whimpers, and whispers of your name and dirty things fill your head and you come quickly, screaming out incoherently as you tighten and pulse around them both. Several thrusts later, and you feel Javi start to tense, his breathing coming out higher pitched as he comes, mumbling your name. Javier grunts out something and pulls out, coming on your lower back as he whispers your name. 

No one moves for several moments, heavy breathing filling the air. Finally, Javier moves, coming back with a washcloth to wipe your back down. Once clean, you push yourself up, sliding off of Javi with a grunt. Javier pulls you towards him, laying you down on your back on the middle of the bed. He gently cleans you as Javi gets up to clean himself, coming back to lay beside you as Javier tosses the rag and lays on your opposite side, both of them shifting to hold you. Wrapping an arm around each of them, you manage to twist your arms so you can run your fingers through their hair at the same time as you all drift off to sleep, any conversations can wait until-

Your eyes fly open and you sit up fast, drenched in sweat as you look around the dark room. Patting the bed, you realize you’re alone, no signs of either man having ever been in your bed.

“Fucking hell,” You mutter, laying back down to try and go back to sleep.

You end up thinking about that dream for a long time.

-------

It ends up that Jorge had simply been eyeing your dress as his wife was a similar size and he was wondering where you’d gotten it. Javi had insisted the man take your dress, knowing you’d be perfectly fine with the idea. Eventually, Jorge caved and thanked Javi profusely, taking the dress to bring home to his wife.

After that night, Javier makes sure you get back to the hotel alright, giving you some things that you could’ve gotten on your night away trip to make it seem plausible. He takes the information about the bank you gave him back to the DEA, along with some other information Javi had given you to pass along about the Mallorca Cartel. Javier reached out to their connection in Spain, making sure they had a secure line to transfer the information over. The bank info you’d supplied pans out, Javier literally chasing down Franklin Jurado before catching him. 

When Javier returns from Curaçao, he received a message from his contacts in the DEA in Spain. The information Javi provided pans out and they try to coordinate efforts to close both the Mallorca Cartel alongside the Cali Cartel. This is difficult because of the impending deal between Cali and the Colombian government, but they both remain optimistic that they can catch both. Javier never tells you, but he feels relived, because Javi had obviously told you the truth about not being the true head of the Mallorca Cartel, but also sad because this means that Javi is probably a great guy, not deserving of the treatment he was no doubt forced into, probably under threat of death, or worse.

—----

Javi heads over to a small gathering with the heads of the Cali Cartel, sitting poolside with a drink in his hand, chatting idly with Pacho. You had promised to meet up with him later, an already established lunch date with a friend from your teaching days taking place that afternoon. No one seemed to mind - the other women of the cartel men were deeply engrossed in whatever it was they talk about when tanning. The door to the balcony open as Javi laughs at a joke Pacho told him, Javi’s eyes turning to look at the man strolling over to the them.

All color drains from Javi’s as he sees the face of his cousin, Lucas, eyes locked on his, an evil smirk tugging up the corners of his lips.

“Hola, mi primo,” [Hello, my cousin] Lucas says cooly, flanked by 4 cartel guards.

Pacho glances at the other Cali men before standing up, a hard look on his face. 

“Y quien mierda eres tú?” [And who the fuck are you?] Pacho asks, appraising Lucas. 

“Javi aquí es mi primo. Él es mi tapadera. Soy el verdadero jefe del Cartel de Mallorca.” [Javi here is my cousin. He is my cover. I am the true head of the Mallorca Cartel].

Javi knows this is not good. This will not end well for him and he swears to everything he believes in that they save you from whatever is about to go down. Pacho looks between Javi and Lucas as the other Cali men approach. 

“¿Por qué estás aquí Lucas? Te dije que te quedaras en Mallorca.” [Why are you here, Lucas? I told you to stay in Mallorca.] Javi decides this may be the best chance of him getting out of this, but his hope is quickly evaporating.

“Javi, Javi. Muy divertido. Actuando como usted toma las decisiones.” [Javi, Javi. So funny. Acting like you call the shots.] Lucas’s smirk widens and it’s all Javi can do to not throw up. But before he can reply, Lucas speaks again, this time addressing Pacho and the other men.

“Mi nombre es Lucas Gutiérrez. Soy el verdadero jefe del cartel de Mallorca. Y yo vengo aquí porque aquí mi Javi nos ha traicionado.” [My name is Lucas Gutiérrez. I am the true head of the Mallorca cartel. And I came here myself because my Javi here has betrayed us.]

Silence as the Cali men process this information.

“¡Cómo te atreves!” [How dare you!] Javi speaks louder and firmer towards his cousin, who just waves him off.

“Puedo probarlo si ustedes, caballeros, me permiten unos momentos de su tiempo.” [I can prove it if you gentlemen will allow me a few moments of your time.]

They look at each other, silently debating before Miguel nods to some guards who immediately walk up to Javi and secure his arms in firm grips, steering him inside behind the group of men. 

This is not good.

—----

>>Part 3>>

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe @greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @giuliarogers-blog @icanbeyourjedi @diaryofkali @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso @theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz @dirtytissuebox @jadore-andor @gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @sarahmilesbendrix @booksarekindaneat @mrsudontknowme @swol-bear @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox @amneris21 @gooddaykate @veenamay @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed   @ladykatakuri @marrianena  @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol   @mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry

[victimized-martyr]

i dunno if i’m doing this right… but for the kyman ask thingy… 17, 25, 31?

17. headcanons, just give us some headcanons. anything.

edit: This is super specific and I’m very picky on this but— Kyle is straight. Terminally. Irreparably. He is attracted to Girls and Girls only on all levels. but, because South Park loves to torture Kyle, his first and only stable, most consistent relationship is with a DUDE and that DUDE IS CARTMAN. Kyle has no idea how it even came to be. He doesn’t understand and Kyle is such a logical person and is at risk of driving himself insane any time he tries to wrap his head around this notion. He’ll ask Stan and Kenny what it feels like to be in Love and to know the indications he should pursue a relationship on the rare opportunity he gets to go on a date with a girl, and while on the date with said girl he keeps their advice in mind and, yeah, sometimes he’ll come across a girl that ticks all those boxes but for some reason it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Oddly, he ends up recognizing his desires and sensations not in his dates, but in cartman. and that’s when he knows he’s fucked up. He’s comparing all his heteromantic dates to THE Eric Cartman Hjfkgkkffj

Kyle is the only dude in the show that’s never had a gf for long and w/ anything I write/draw I wanna maintain that. Kyle gets no Bitches. He gets Cartman tho. So, just deal w/ it Kyle, m’kay?

Kyle and Cartman fight irl but are always texting each other across platforms. Cartman is a heavy emoji user, Kyle is more conservative with them. They correct each other’s grammar to piss each other off.

Kyle’s got big brother instincts so as they get older, he expresses a willingness to help Cartman when he’s hurt (even when…. Kyle was the one to deal the blow. But whatever) He buys Cartman’s favorite bandages and has them on hand at all times.

Kyle loves pinching Cartman’s cheeks. They’re his favorite stress toy (aside from Cartman’s man bewbs. but that’s for when they’re older), and the squeals he makes in protest are criminally adorable.

This is from one of my previous tags, but Kyle desperately needs hobbies outside of like, the three things he’s always done. so Cartman and Stan drag him to musicals to expose him to “Culture”. Kyle complains that “musicals are overly sentimental and gay”. Stan drops any further attempts, but Cartman is a persistent if not an infectious guy, so it’s bc of him mostly that musicals grow on Kyle over time. Getting Kyle to appreciate musicals is one of Cartman’s finest achievements. (Kyle’s very fond of The Producers)

Kyle, by complete accident, comes across multiple playlists Cartman has made of Kyle. Playlists for when they’re in a rut and Cartman needs to vent, a playlist for their casual cooking sessions, a playlist that’s about him in general. Kyle feels guilty for invading Cartman’s privacy like that, and never brings it up. But Kyle thinks of it often in private and, god, does he feel loved.

Kyle’s a freak in the sheets yo, learning to match his pace was a sharp learning curve for Cartman. literally a matter of survival. that’s all i’m gonna say. actually jk let’s develop this further. bc i need to articulate this and i DONT see it anywhere else and i might be the only one with this opinion but whatever. TW south park shenanigans ahead:

Kyle grew up in a household where his parents had a healthy, loving sex life and Kyle was NOT afraid to get involved in their marital affairs, not cuz he was inappropriately exposed to it, he just… got involved out of self appointed duty to his family and his savior complex. (for example, his insistence in getting his dad a “ner-rection”because he saw how it was affecting his parent’s relationship, or Kyle sitting his parents down and lecturing them on infidelity in Insecurity ). He has a positive, if not pragmatic view of sex.

Cartman resides on the opposite end of this spectrum. He has a history of being assaulted by men and is humiliated by his mom’s whoredom. Despite growing up exposed to her sex, he’s unable to discern pleasure from pain. Canonically, he interprets Liane’s moans as cries of pain. Cartman views sex as something inherently degrading, as means of exerting power over others, his own sexual fantasies are of him being taken advantage of and coerced to submission like what the FUCK this man will NOT willingly dive into sex with Kyle when he realizes he caught feelings. Or even before he catches feelings. Damn, THAT especially. Rip to 90% of kyman fanfiction out there but I’m sorry, Cartman would not. This paper cutout mofo’s got trauma for days.

At the start, these two are NOT compatible in bed because this hurdle is probably the biggest cartman will ever have to face. Cartman is so, so lucky he has someone like Kyle to teach him and be patient with him and walk with him in healing from that damaged perception. Honestly?? I don’t see them getting shrekshual off the bat, I hc it takes time for them. But once they (slowly) get into it, it’s fireworks dude. It’s a huge asset to their relationship fr, emotionally and physically. (this is why i INSIST cartman’s a “bottom”. Bc with Kyle having better knowledge + practices, Cartman’s got no choice but to follow Kyle’s lead. and like?? relinquishing control and being loved in that manner makes cartman feel safe in ways he’s never experienced before?? it’s almost a religious experience for him)

25. favourite (canon) kyman moment

AAAA no don’t do this to me! I can’t choose! My fav changes from day to day!

Um, rn I’m in love with this scene in Faith Hilling:

ah just *chefs kiss* Cartman and Kyle in sync with their weird ass roast. AND, to top this all off, probably one of my favorite kyman interactions ever (it’s so small but it means so much to me), is Cartman leading Kyle away and is able to anticipate holding him back from unleashing his Kyle Wrath @ Stan and Kenny. It’s honestly the uncanny levels of intuition they have for each other that make such delicious moments like this. It’s hilarious. It’s drama over somethn dumb. It’s Kyman 🤌🏼

31. how do you think, in canon, kyle and cartman REALLY feel about each other?

🧍‍♂️ oh boy, umm

To put this in simplest terms, Cartman and Kyle care about each other more than they realize. Though, Yes, there is genuine hate.

Cartman drives himself crazy with jealousy over the things Kyle has that he doesn’t. He finds reasons to hate Kyle in order to feel better about himself and in order to feel powerful (and on a smaller level now, to get back at Kyle for when he didn’t know how to fight back in s1) Seeing someone as perfectionistic and annoyingly self-righteous as Kyle go all crazy and take the bait in his challenges is narcissistically cathartic.

On Kyle’s end, he goes crazy over how impervious to change Cartman is. Cartman seems to operate on nonexistent morals, he lives shamelessly, and Kyle simply cannot comprehend that. it bothers him and is why he fights Cartman on even the smallest things (though, as of the covid arc, Kyle’s growing weary of challenging Cartman in this manner sooooo) Kyle has always seen Cartman as a spoiled brat that is allergic to the words “no” and “don’t”, and feels it’s his responsibility to knock him down a peg.

And whether they like it or not, there is genuine love (broship love rn) because they’ve been through so much together, they’ve obsessed over each other their entire lives, they’ve rescued each other in secret out of fear of showing vulnerability, and DO hang as friends. So to summarize, like… in canon, they feel highly complicated things for each other. But those feelings have always been reciprocal and intense.

[gemkidsau]

Season Three

I made some posts on Tapas about this but I guess some people missed them, so the confused people in that crew, here is a screenshot of an explanation:

The original plan was to draw the entirety of season two before scheduling it all to post. But a handful of episodes in I got caught up in something else and by the time I had time to work on it again, I just couldn't. I tried and tried but I really just could not get back into it.

So continuing in my promise, here is season three:

Super watermelon island

Garnet sees Malachite surfacing on Mask Island so they go there and ambush her. Peridot stays behind to work on the drill and Rose volunteers to supervise her. Alexandrite defeats Malachite. Jasper is lost in the ocean again and Lapis is brought home, passed out.

Gem drill

Same plot but replace Steven with Rose.

Same old world

Lapis wakes up and Amethyst helps her process what she went through and finds a new home for her (similar plot but Amethyst has a different approach cause of her personality). She chooses the barn.

Barn mates

Peridot insists the barn belongs to her because she’s already been using it. Lapis insists it was promised to her even though Amethyst never actually said that and doesn’t own the barn in the first place. Amethyst decides this is going to be hilarious and makes popcorn. She soon realizes she’s too close to it for it to be funny so goes to solve the problem, but it’s harder than she anticipated. It generally follows the same plot though. The red eye shows up at the end and lapis flicks it.

Hit the diamond

Yeah this one’s the same.

Steven floats

Rose learns she can float.

Mr greg

Steven & Connie’s backstory (Never fleshed this out)

Too short to ride

TBH the same but replace Steven with Rose.

The new lars

Rose wakes up in the middle of the night in Pearl’s body. Terrified, she shakes herself awake, which triggers the switch back. Pearl wakes up groggy and asks Rose why she’s awake. She says she had a bad dream and they go back to sleep.

Beach city drift

The cool kids invited Lars to a party and he’s bragging about it. When Pearl and Amethyst show interest, Lars says little kids aren’t allowed. They fuse and try to keep Opal stable so they can attend the party.

Monster reunion

Rose figures out that she does, in fact, have healing powers. She’s sure it’s a Diamond thing, but thankful as heck it’s also a Rose Quartz thing. Rose says she should try and heal one of the monsters and Pearl says she should do corrupted Rose Quartz. Once CRQ is half healed, it’s the same plot switching Steven for Pearl. We get to learn about the Crystal Gems’ demise. They were fighting at the beach and where Beach City would eventually be built. A Quartz fusion chucked the warp pad to prevent further backup from arriving. Rose notices a Nephrite receiving orders to retreat and looks up to see the diamond attack. The warp pad lands on the Nephrite. Rose doesn’t have a means to protect her friends(sword instead of shield), so they all succumb to the attack. (exit flashback) Rose runs to the temple, but can’t get in. Pearl lets her in. Pink Rose is in there like “wat happen why.” (Maybe CRQ finds something in the chest? IDK where to go from here.)

Alone at sea

Peridot is sad because Lapis is sad and she can’t figure out how to make not sad so she asks Garnet for help. Garnet takes Lapis into the ocean and does her best to show her more of the beauty of Earth. Lapis is finally starting to cheer up when Jasper sneaks up on them and begs on her knees to become Malachite again. Lapis tells her no and makes her leave. Garnet and Lapis go home wary.

Greg the babysitter

Sour Cream is excited because his baby brother is being born today. The gems are like what is a baby. We learn that gems don’t start out quite that small. They theorize that since humans only incubate for 9 months, they don’t develop as far. Gems incubate for years. They come out as 5-year-olds ish. Then Connie wonders if gems were to incubate for a very long time, would they form as adults? The gems laugh at such an idea. :^)

Gem hunt

Connie is getting very good at being close to danger even though she can’t fight or anything, so when she hears the gems are going to the frozen North, she insists on tagging along to supervise. The gems think that’s stupid but they aren’t gonna say no to Mom. Connie and Garnet get separated from Pearl, Amethyst, and Rose. While separated, Connie actually helps Garnet take out one of the beasts. Pearl, Amethyst, and Rose encounter Jasper, who poofs their beast and walks off menacingly as Connie and Garnet find them. (Rose summons her shield for the first time when trying to protect her teammates)

Crack the whip

Amethyst loses a sparring match to Pearl for the first time and is super self conscious about it.

Steven vs amethyst

Amethyst internalizes the problem instead of confronting Pearl.

Bismuth (This is out of order. Should happen before Monster Reunion)

Rose asks why she doesn’t have a room in the temple yet and the gems are like yeah that’s chill we have another spot go for it. She makes her room and to her surprise there’s already stuff in it. The other gems are like yeah there were a few things in our rooms too. We think they’re left over from the previous owners. Stuff like swords and relics. But Rose has some peculiar items in her room. There’s a chest, a sword, a flag, and a bubble. Rose likes the sword and wants to use it in battle.

Beta

Amethyst still feels like shit so Rose takes her to Peridot and Peridot takes them to the beta kindergarten. Same plot.

Earthlings

We find out that even though Jasper was originally made for Yellow, since she was young when PD emerged she was actually training to be given to Pink.

Back to the moon

Same plot mostly. The other gems hear for the first time (from the rubies) that Pink Diamond was shattered on Earth. ‘Who would do such a thing?’ It was a Rose Quartz. All eyes on Rose. Not having planned for this, she panics and runs downstairs. Pearl says she’ll talk to her since she’s closest to her and asks the other to continue helping the rubies without her.

Bubbled

Pearl talks to Rose about what they’re going to tell the others. They decide Rose was bubbled and when Pink returned to Earth in search of her Pearl, she released Rose. Rose asked who she was and she told her she’s a Diamond. Rose is a Crystal Gem so she identified her as a threat and took the opportunity to strike. Soon the others return but their cover (pretending to be homeworld gems for the rubies) is blown at the last second. Rose opens the airlock to blow them into space and one of them grabs her, trying to pull her with them, but she escapes the ruby’s grasp safely.

[fieryhonesty]

“Story’s based on a request from a Nonnie and they are right! Our Xiao needs hugs and rest a bit.”

Words: 1910

Genre: fluff, f!reader

Xiao is always keeping things for him. He will never seek company to share his burdens. After all, there is no trouble which will last long enough, he says. However he can't deny there are moments when he is fed up. Be it the never ending war he fights or his own problems. Which are having roots back in history.

Sometimes there's too much to handle at once, yet he stands tall and faces it headon. Never argues or falters with decisions. As long as it means he can protect Liyue. 

To anyone who has never seen him or rarely, he looks like a strong and cold man. But is he really like this? He is an Adeptus, he has seen a lot and experienced some battle scars. Was Xiao always like this? Back in the days when all other Yaksha existed. 

Many things happened in his life. He can't even count or remember it all. But all those things made him who he is now. Although there are things which still surprise or confuse him. 

He never liked showing himself in front of mortals. There are just a few ones which he tolerates or even allows to talk to him. If he is in a good mood of course. The ones who know Xiao also know about keeping distance when he is upset.

But there's one mortal whose boldness or maybe stupidity never ceases to amaze him. He told you so many times to leave him be, added harsh words and yet... you didn't turn away. Instead approached and offered a companionship. 

He eventually gave up with chasing the silly female away. At first he didn't know why she was so stubborn. Mortals are strange but you are like one or two levels stranger than anyone else. Just why do you wish to spend time with somebody like him?

You are like a bridge between the silent and closed up Adeptus and mortal realm. Part of him is still hesitant and refuses to share his burdens. He might have allowed you to stay beside him, be it in silence or tell him what you did that day. What strange things happened or something. He would just sit there and listen. But none of this means he will let his guard down. He will always be fully aware of what's happening around. 

You are often asking yourself: does he ever rest? As you know him for a while you are able to recognize when he is really sad and you shouldn't say much. Or when he is quite alright and willing to listen to your rambling until you fall asleep. The fact you can peacefully sleep in Xiao's presence amazes him.

Today is one of those nights when he would have preferred to be just alone. But why does he feel this burning desire to pay you a visit? Is it because you didn't come for a few days and he got worried? No. That can't be it. Xiao has no attachment to anybody, especially mortals.

Truth to be told, he feels tired and despite feeling the way he feels. He decides to silently knock on your door. At first he thought he knocked too lightly. For a brief second he thought to himself to leave. Why is he here anyway? But then he heard your footsteps from behind the door. 

He feels so conflicted. He shouldn't be here, seeking anyone's company. Solitude and sadness are nothing to him.

When you open the door of your apartment, the cold is immediately making you shiver. Not wasting any second grabbing Xiao's wrist and pulling him inside. The cold is too much for you. How the heck he can just stand there and not shiver?! 

Be it anyone else touching him, he would have asked them if they do have a death wish. He got used to your touch at least a bit. You sometimes gently squeezed his hand in a friendly gesture. To assure him you are there, willing to listen to anything or just sit silently and observe the sky.

Letting go of his wrist and looking into his golden eyes. As usually his expression is the same but you can feel he is not alright. His shoulders are unusually down and overall his posture is different. 

"Is something wrong?"

You ask with a slightly tilted head to the side. You are not even aware of this, you do it automatically all the time. It's kind of cute but don't expect the Adeptus will say it out loud. He is already confused. He wanted to be alone, why did he come here. He is clearly delaying your bedtime. He should have never come. But the words escaping his lips are even more confusing him. 

"You didn't come..."

Is he really worried about a mortal? Didn't he promise to himself to never get any attachment to anyone? Not even to another Adepti. 

Your next move is really bold and unexpected. Xiao gasps in surprise as you wrap your arms around him.

"Y/n? What are you...?"

Perhaps embracing him would not be the brightest idea if you consider how little he knows about human interactions. But you couldn't help yourself. Feeling a bit guilty for making the poor man worried. He already has a lot on his plate.

"I'm sorry if I did worry you."

You said as you gently rubbed his back, drawing circles in a soothing manner. 

It took him a while to realize what was going on. He seen this act between other mortals but never cared what does it mean. It's just two people are in close proximity, touching each other. But there's something strange about the act. 

Your warmth. 

He didn't feel cold while being outside, he is used to it. But when he feels your warmth he can't help it but feel a bit at ease. When you pull back to check on him, he feels a little... sad? Perhaps he missed the opportunity to repay the act. 

"You know. There's something I had noticed about you, Xiao."

He lifts an eyebrow at you. Unable to contain the curiosity.

"How much do you trust me?" 

You ask while trying to keep your smile. Aware of how much the question doesn’t make sense with what you said before.

Xiao on the other hand is pondering over your question. How much does he trust a mortal like you? And why are you asking him in the first place?

"That's stupid thing to ask. You should have known the answer already."

There we go again. Xiao and his not so sugar coated words. Surely you know he has at least a bit more trust in you than other humans. But would he let you touch him even more? No matter how you put it, it will sound wrong.

"Well then... it just crossed my mind out of nowhere but. Uh... There's something that always bugged me. Do you ever rest or relax at all? I mean yes you do just hang around at Wangshu here and now. But I mean like a real rest..."

You had to stop yourself. Feeling how your monologue was getting worse by each said word.

"I don't need to-"

"Yes, you do." 

Oh no. It slipped out faster than you could think of it. He is silent, eyes slightly narrowed. Did you anger him? It's quite easy to do it after all.

"What do you propose then?"

"Eh?" 

"Don't 'eh' at me. If you think I need to relax then you should have an idea how."

You are finally on the same page. Sometimes you hate your brain to jump into way too fast conclusions. You motion for him to follow you to your living room where you both sit on the sofa. Telling him to sit turned back to you. 

You are sitting behind him. What are you planning? Ah! A gasp escaped his lips making him feel embarrassed. You just barely touched his shoulders. Not even using too much force, just a gentle squeeze to test waters. 

"So, can I give you something that my mom calls a medicine for tired muscles?" 

A simple massage. Just by a single touch you could feel how tense his muscles are. He nods. Being glad you can't see his face now. Biting his bottom lip. He didn't know how much his back actually hurts. Not paying attention to it anymore. But now, he is melting under your touch. 

You try to be gentle but also applying some pressure to help his muscles to relax. You had learned how to massage when you were teen as your mother always had back pain from her work. This was the fastest help, along with pain killers.

Xiao deeply exhales, closing his eyes. He hates to admit it but this feels good, maybe too good. Perhaps he could let his guard down for a bit, at least for now. Letting your skilled fingers caress him. Exhaustion and fatigue is slowly getting under his skin. And this warm feeling, he wants more. Just like when you embraced him a while ago. 

You noticed how much he relaxed under your hands. You can't help it but smile from ear to ear. The mighty Guardian, always so rigid can't endure the pleasant feeling. 

"If you are tired you can sleep over, I don't mind. Unless... you have plans to mess up your back just right when I fix them up?"

You had secretly hoped he wouldn't disappear when you are done. You know when he leaves your place he will go back to his stiff attitude again. 

"Somebody has to keep you safe at night. Take it as a payment..." 

You giggle as he says that. You could tease him about admitting he likes this but decided to rather not.

When you were done and brought him a spare blanket you noticed his blush. Not saying anything and just offering the warm cover. What you did not expect was him grabbing your wrist. 

"Xiao?"

"How can... I keep you safe if you are in the other room?"

Oh damn. Your brain is preoccupied with why he just won't admit he wants to keep you close. 

"Um, you want to move the sofa into my bedroom?" 

He groans. Why you must play dumb now? All he wants is more of your warmth. When you embraced him, when you touched him. He felt at ease  which is new to him. Is it too much to ask for more? Well, maybe he should actually ask and be straight for once.

"Just... stay close." 

"Oh-"

That escalated quickly. For both of you. You decided to spare him from more suffering as you could see his face was slowly turning to tomato color. And you? You weren't much better. Turning off the lights before sliding under the blanket. For once being glad to have a bigger sofa. 

As you are both laying on your sides you feel Xiao's hand hesitantly go over you to pull you closer to him. Don't even think of escaping when he falls asleep. He has you secure. And certainly he won't admit any of this the next morning.

He is tired and confused by his behavior but he decided to blame it on his fatigue. You better don't mention any of this. Not even the way he is having a firm grip of your clothes. Or how quickly he fell asleep.

[miraculouswolf99]

Forest Wolf Academy Idea

I formed this idea after I read a Miraculous fanfiction where Marinette transferred to a school for magic along with Chloe, Nathaniel, Marc, and her brother. At the school already is Felix and the Quad kids. The magic schools are actually for those that are members of witch covens and you must be a member of the coven to join the school. Luke and Juleka are also witches but in a different cousin. Marinette and the other transfer because of Lila. Adrien soon joins them at the school as well. I also got inspiration from the anime Fairy Tail.

I loved the concept of it so much that it gave me my own idea. My idea if an Adrien-focused story since he is my favorite character and always will be.

My idea started after Miracle Queen. Because of Chloe working with Hawkmoth and because Lila had turned so many of Marinette's friends against her, her parents transferred her to an art school so that she can focus on her designing. The only ones that stayed her friends were Adrien, Nathaniel, Kim, Alix, and Juleka. Outside of the class, she had a lot more friends, but her parents wanted her away from Chloe and Lila.

Adrien's dad still makes him model with Lila despite how Adrien and the staff are always telling him that she is the worst model ever. She never shuts up with her lies, never poses as she is told to do, and is basically also sexually harassing Adrien as well. She drives them all crazy.

But then one day during another photoshoot, Adrien hears some music and is drawn toward it. The music is like a siren song that he does not notice that only he can hear. When he arrives at the source of the song, he finds an old friend of his, Lyon Garden. Lyon and his twin sister Vallia are friends of his that he met in Greece when their family hosted a charity fashion show at their family's nature and animal sanctuary. Adrien had gone there with his parents a year before his mom vanished and he kept in contact with them the entire time.

Lyon and Adrien are happy to see each other, Adrien spilling his guts about everything bad going on. Especially all the things with Lila and Chloe. And Lyon gives him an extraordinary opportunity. The reason why Adrien was able to hear his magical song was because he was magical as well. A fellow witch. So, he was able to offer him a place at his school, Forest Wolf Academy.

The two of them went to Gabriel and he actually let Adrien go to the magic school. It turns out that Adrien's mom had also been a witch and that was why he was allowing Adrien to go so easily. Adrien is more than happy to accept the offer.

When Adrien goes to Forest Wolf Academy, he is amazed to see such an incredible school. Forest Wolf is not the only magic school in the world. Each school is hidden in a pocket dimension where they can be entered in any place in the world through the use of a magical key. But each school still has a main magical doorway in the home of the founder of each school. Forest Wolf's main door is in Athens, Greece.

Adrien only lets his real friends know that he is transferring. He would have told Nino, but he no longer considered him his best friend since he turned against Marinette. But given that magical people can hear Lyon's magical song, there are more teen witches in Paris than Adrien knew about. So, even after he transfers, he is actually soon joined by a lot of his true friends. Luka, Kagami, Nathaniel, Marc, Juleka, Kim, and Alix. And each of them would have their own powers that Lyon and Vallia help them learn to control.

Lyon has siren song magic. He is a real-life siren with the added abilities to control sound and music, not just being able to use his voice as a weapon. Vallia has rainbow aura magic. She is also to surround herself with different color light auras that give her other abilities like how sky blue gives her flight and ruby red helps her shoot fire like a dragon.

Adrien would find out that he has light magic, being able to control all forms of light and even be able to change into it like a human shooting star. Luka would have enchanted instrument magic, being able to do all types of things by playing different instruments while still having his natural ability to hear a person's inner song. Juleka would have a similar ability called music spirit magic, where she is able to turn into magical creature spirits that are hybrids with music like harp playing fairies or werewolf drummers. Kagami would have Requip magic, where she is able to store weapons and armor in a separate dimension that only she can access. Nathaniel would have art-to-reality magic where he is able to bring his drawings to life no matter what they are. Marc would have Fairy Tale magic where he could read from a magical storybook that he has and summon any legendary or mythical creature from it. Kim would have were-beast magic where he is able to turn into any were-creature version of any animal like a werewolf or cat creature. And Alix would have time magic, where she would be able to manipulate time around her while also being able to travel through time on her own.

All of them actually have a great time at Forest Wolf Academy and learn to appreciate and covet their magical lives even if Hawkmoth is still a problem. But he would actually have become less active lately as if he is losing motivation for trying to gain the miraculous.

Vallia would actually gain a crush on Kim and the two of them would eventually start dating. The same would go for Juleka and Alix as well as Luka and Kagami. Nathaniel and Marc would be an already established couple since they are too adorable to break up. Adrien would also find himself gaining a crush on Lyon, something he never expected to have on his old friend.

But, as per all good things, their peace had to come to an end. Magic itself was not hidden, just the people that used it. It was why heroes and villains like Ladybug, Cat Noir, and Hawkmoth all had masks when they used the miraculous.

But, the schools have come under some fire with people thinking that they were secret evil cults that wanted to take over the world. So, they all had to open their doors to people. To politicians, school field trips, and even some tours of powerful world leaders just to show that they were all perfectly normal schools that just happen to teach magic to their witch students.

Only, one of the schools that request to tour Forest Wolf Academy is Dupont High, which puts the new students on edge. Especially Adrien and Juleka because of Lila and Rose. It did not help that Lyon and Alix were very protective of their partners and would hurt anyone that tries to hurt them.

But since they have to keep up appearances as a "normal" magical school, they have to accept the field trip request. Luckily, it is the whole school and not just Bustier's class. So, there are still good students like Aurore, Mireille, and Zoé. It is only Bustier's class that believes Lila, anyway.

Adrien and the others do their best to avoid Lila and her attack dogs. They have their jobs to stop the more temperamental students from attacking the annoying group with how they obviously bully almost everyone around them. Not to mention all of the lies that keep coming out of Lila's mouth that she is related to so many powerful witches, how she is a descendant of Merlin, how her grandparents run the best magic school in the world.

There are a lot of students that wanted her head. Especially since it was known through Adrien and Lyon that she had not heard Lyon's magical song, meaning that she had no magic at all. And since magic was passed down from parent to child, that also meant that no one in her family had magic either. Not unless they were one of those families that had been stripped of their magic for crimes against the magical world.

And if it wasn't Lila causing problems with her lies, Chloe was causing problems with her attitude. And how she kept trying to force the students to do as she says and make them her slaves. Like she would go to those with ice magic and demand that they get her a cold drink. Or she would go to the students with gem and crystal magic and demand that they give her the biggest diamond that they can make.

Once the former Dupont students are found by the group is when things really go downhill. There is a lot of yelling about how they abandoned their friends, that they should not be so jealous of Lila's accomplishments, how they needed to get over themselves, how they needed to stop being bullies. And the group fires back that they can not abandon friends that abandoned them first, that they can not be jealous of accomplishments that never happened, and that they never talk to Lila let alone bully her.

Meanwhile, Adrien is trying hard not to be seen by Lila or Chloe since he does not want either of them hanging off his arm like they usually do. But, Lila soon locks her eyes on him and down try and latch onto him, crying her crocodile tears about how much she missed him and how she wanted him back since he "promised to date her."

That is where Lyon steps in and would be so close to using his sonic scream on the annoying liar. Adrien uses his powers to turn into light and get back to Lyon's side. That is when the two of them go into a big "why Lila sucks" speech and reveals that the two of them were dating and that Adrien would never EVER date Lila.

She is not exposed, but a new demonstration of the more dangerous powers from the students, low key threats against the annoying class, makes them never come back after they leave.

Lila hopes to be akumatized over her rage about not being able to lie her way into dating Adrien, but she does not know that Gabriel gave Marinette the butterfly miraculous and the peacock miraculous already. He gave up once he saw how truly happy his son was and did not want the wish to change his son into any other version of him that would never be this happy. It also helps that a few witches from the school that could heal offered to help him restore his wife.

[tloujm]

Part XXVI: Giving Grief

Author’s Notes: This is the first chapter I’ve posted in months (literally since April). I don’t know if this is a full comeback. I have a few chapters in the drafts that need to be edited and formatted for posting but after that, I still plan on continuing the series bc my plan was always have a long fic. With no new content after part II of the game was released, my interest in the fandom waned but was always there. Now with HBO creating a show based off the game, as well as me being apart of the Pedro Pascal fandom, I think I will soon become more consistent in posting as new content gets released. I will say that at least half of what appeals to me for Joel is Troy Baker’s voice and while I love Pedro’s voice too, I know it won’t be the same. I still think Pedro will do the voice justice bc he can do a damn fine country accent as seen in the movie Prospect on Netflix. If you’re a fan of his and have Netflix, please go watch it!

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Summary: You and Joel reconcile and bond over Ellie and Sarah. 

Ship: Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Joel waited for you to come home. He paced back and forth in the kitchen switching from holding the card and setting it down on the counter. He was eager to talk to you about this new revelation partly because he was nervous to have the other conversation with you. After a while of calming his nerves down, you still hadn’t come home. The sun had set an hour ago and Joel was ready to throw on his boots and go looking for you. 

Just as he laced them up, the front door opened. You walked in and immediately stopped because his body blocked you from walking in the house further. 

“Going somewhere?” You asked as you slid past him. He was a grown man and could do what he wanted, but the thought of him leaving to go do other things before the issue between you was resolved upset you. 

He reached back down to unlace his boots. “Not anymore. I was ‘bout to head out and find you.”

“Why?” You asked dryly.

“I’d been waiting on you to come home for a couple of hours. We gotta talk.”

“You’re right, we do. I was helping Wendy walk the kids home from the daycare; that’s what held me up. I’m here now, though.” You leaned against the back of the couch and crossed your arms. The stance you took reminded you of what Joel would do.

He walked into the kitchen and came back. “Kiddo made this for us.”

You took it in your hands. “When did she have time to make this?” He shrugged. Your fingers brushed across the drawing of the hat before finally opening it. “Oh my God.” She looked at you for a split second before looking back down at her signature. “Her name has been ‘Ellie’ the whole time.”

“I know.” He commented. 

“She never said anything. All of us have asked her.”

“Technically, she still hasn’t spoken her name, but I guess she wasn’t ready for that.”

“She wasn’t ready to let anybody in.” You said. He nodded in agreement.

“Until now.” He walked up to you and pointed to her name on the card. “She’s doing so good, this Ellie. I can only try to imagine the horrors that she’s seen out in the world before she came to Jackson, but whatever happened out there, it led her to us. I’m...It’s just nice to see her opening up to this place.”

You understood what he was trying to say. “Yeah, I’m proud of her too.” You walked past him and into the kitchen to hang the card on the refrigerator. Joel followed. This time, his arms were crossed.

“(Y/N), I meant it when I said I was sorry back there. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

“If you didn’t mean it, you wouldn’t have said it.” You rebutted.

“I was upset with you because I expected you to react the same as me when Ellie climbed up that T-Rex, but I don’t want a carbon copy of myself. I love you and want to have a family with you because you are wise beyond your years, confident even if you don’t always think so, responsible even for things that aren’t your responsibility and most importantly, you’re level headedness. Where I have a tendency to lose my cool in certain situations, you are guided by this calm...patient sense of will that I envy.” He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, giving you the opportunity to say something. Seeing that you were still soaking in his words, he continued. “You’ll be a great mother. I saw it in the gentle way you juggled all those kids at the daycare. I saw it in the way you took care of Ellie the first day she came here. You’ll see though, if it’s meant for us to have a baby, how difficult it is to stop worrying. It didn’t stop when Sarah....even when I tried to push those feelings away. It doesn’t stop. I know she’s not her, but it’s hard for me to just stand by and watch her do something that could hurt her.”

“I wasn’t standing by, or at least that wasn’t my intention. I wanted to give her space. She’s so delicate, or maybe that’s my problem. I shouldn’t treat her like she’s some glass figurine. I just wanted her to grow comfortable with us by trusting her. Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me to do when there was nothing personally for me to go off of, but then I thought, she’s lived out there for God knows how long by herself. She’s not only seen things but has been able to survive things. It’s hard to see how clever someone is when they won’t let you in, but I knew she had to be to have made it this far. I get it though. I’ve never been a parent. I can only sympathize with your worries. I can not empathize with you until I’ve been where you have. I’m sorry too. I could have found a way to give her space without allowing her to be in such a dangerous spot. You must be disappointed in me.”

He moved up to you and placed his hands on your shoulder. “I’m not. Look at me. I’m not disappointed in you. She was both of our responsibilities earlier.” He brought you into a tight hug. “You’re right, she is smart. She felt comfortable enough to show a side of herself that no one else has seen. You know why? ‘Cause she felt safe around us. Despite the grief she put me through, it was nice to see her so happy.”

“I know it was, wasn’t it? I can’t believe she jumped though! I didn’t think she’d go that far.”

“At the end of the day, kids will be kids. It’s not an excuse to slack off on raising ‘em, but there's just a certain wild and carefree nature that every kid has. It’s instilled in their DNA or somethin’ and then it fades away as they get older, about the time their back starts to ache.” Joel chuckled as he explained. He kissed the top of your head before pulling away to get a good look at you. He made a face as if to ask if you were ok. You nodded. He took your hand and pulled you into the living room. You sat down next to him. “She reminds me of Sarah sometimes. Ellie’s about the same age as her. She ran me through the ringer, raising that one.” He chuckled at the memories. “I wouldn’t trade it in for the world, being her dad, but you shoulda seen the amount of grief she put me through. Especially being a single parent.” He wiped his hand across his face, letting it linger along the length of his neck. “One time, she snuck off to some skate park when I told her no. She was in this skateboarding phase. I bought her a customized skateboard for her birthday and she would practice using it up and down the driveway. She had barely learned that little flippy trick when she asked me to take her to the skate park. I told her no because it looked like it was for experienced skaters. I wanted her to practice more first. To say the least, she was mad at me. She told me she was staying after school for the science club, but she really went to the skate park with some friends. By the time I figured out where she was, I found her lying in the grass, holding her arm in pain. Turned out she had a hairline fracture in her...radius?” He pointed to the bone on his arm. You nodded that it was in fact called radius. “I grounded her for lying to me, but sometimes I wonder if I should have taken her to the park. I mean I’m no expert on skateboarding, but at least I could have been there to supervise; make sure she wasn’t on one of those tough looking ramps.”

“Did you ever take her skateboarding after she healed up?”

“After the cast came off, she switched interests to soccer. I installed a shelf on one of her walls to hang the skateboard on. Better that than being stuffed under her bed. Soccer was her life though. She made new friends from the team, won titles, learned tricks with the ball. Me and Tommy were regulars at her games. I was...am proud of her.”

You smiled as you envisioned his memories. “Did she give you grief with that as well?”

He nodded in an exaggerated way. “Oh yeah, but I’m sure I used to give her grief too.” You lifted your eyebrows with desire for him to elaborate. “I may or may not have argued with the coach and ref on a few occasions regarding plays.”

“You never dated any of the soccer moms?” You teased.

He scoffed. “Most of them were married and the ones who weren’t, I sent Tommy’s way instead. He wasn’t mad at it.” The two of you chuckled. “I did flirt with a few, married or not, so I could get my hands on some of their homemade baked goods.”

“I was under the assumption that soccer moms made food for everyone.”

“They did, but I still wanted a few more cupcakes for the ride home.” He admitted as you laughed. “Listen, I had a busy life. I didn’t have much time to hone my baking skills, so it was nice to be able to have homemade cakes and cookies for a change.

“Well, if you wanted cookies, that’s all you had to say! I can show you how to bake right now.”

“It’s late.” He reasoned.

“It’s never too late to feed your sweet tooth.” You rebutted as you pulled him back into the kitchen.

[guardianofthepeanutwrites]

Skirts and dresses Part 4

Part1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 5

Tag list: @purplefreakwolffish  @mayucerise​

This chapter is for @sarcastich​​ and @starkeraddictbaby​

Thanks to Gypsywoman13 for beta-reading!

CW: genderfluid Loki, Kinda asshole Thor

PeterParkerBingo2021: square Pet Names (card below)

Thor & Loki

Because Peter had been fairly young when he moved inside the compound, they had put his room next to Tony’s quarters since he was the one in charge of their youngest member. Then one day a door appeared in the middle of his room, connecting it to the Stark’s private quarters. They had a long discussion about boundaries: “Ask before putting doors in my bedroom” and “don’t threaten people because they hurt me” etc. Tony had argued it was easier (it was, but that was not the question) because they spend more and more time together. Which was true. 

Tony and Pepper had started to teach Peter some things about business practice. They took him to smaller meetings and introduced him as Tony’s intern; it suited Peter very much. That, plus his patrols, as well as other Avenger business, like training, and his new business classes...Peter was now even busier than he already was.

Except on Sundays. Sundays were days Peter could rest, sleep, visit his aunt May, hang with Ned and MJ, and watch movies with Bucky the other Avengers.

Every Sunday morning, before leaving their quarters, Peter and Tony would eat the most decadent brunch that Peter would let Tony buy him. From all the changes that happened in his life since he got adopted by Tony Stark, Sunday brunches were certainly Peter’s favorites. He loved those calm moments with the man that he admired so much. He also loved that he could put on whatever clothes he wanted because FRIDAY would only let people in the know enter.

That Sunday, they were finishing their meal when Steve entered. He briefly stopped at the soft pink hoodie, gray and pink plaid skirt, and long white socks Peter was wearing before dismissing it and greeting the two men.

“So, Steve, what can we do for you?” Tony asked, forgoing the pleasantries. Peter knew Tony hated being interrupted during Sunday brunches, and saw that Steve started to move from one leg to the other, a bit nervous. Peter frowned.

“Oh, I-I mean, I wanted to apologize for-” Peter tried to interrupt Steve, he had told him many times that Steve was forgiven, but the man was stubborn and didn’t let him talk. “I know, you already told me, but I- I made this for you.” Steve gave Peter a piece of paper. 

On the paper was a beautiful drawing of Peter in the purple dress that he had been wearing when Steve had discovered his secret. Peter was startled out of his stunned silence when his dad gently took the paper from his hands.

Tony simply whistled when he saw the drawing. “Aunt Peggy had told me you could draw, Rogers, but this is something else.” Steve looked at Tony, in shock.

“Au-Aunt Peggy? But you-you weren’t-” 

Tony snorted, irked. “I went to her grave later, Rogers, because there was an emergency, and if there was something Aunt Peggy could understand, it was emergencies. She was Howard’s friend, and my godmother.” Peter, who had been told the story, silently stroked his dad’s back in support as he continued. “We also fought a lot when you came back.” Steve opened his mouth to speak, but Tony didn’t let him. “Not that it’s any of your business, Capsicle, but who do you think covered the truth about Howard’s death? Who do you think had enough power for that? Peggy Carter. She let me think my father killed my mom because he was a fucking alcoholic.”

Steve looked as if he had swallowed a lemon, grimacing. “I didn’t know. I am sorry, Tony.”

Tony lifted his hand. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He lifted the paper with Steve’s drawing on it, looking at it pensively. “You’re very talented. We should make you an art studio. There is an empty room with great lighting.” Tony turned to Peter to watch him. “What d’you think kid? Wanna design it?” 

Peter felt excited to be offered this opportunity; he nodded with way too much enthusiasm. It made Tony smile, proud.

“You’re gonna make some blueprints, and we will see with the Captain what he needs and likes. No, Cap, don’t argue, it will be good training for the kid. Now, Steve, if you don’t mind, I was having brunch with my kid.”

Peter only had 30 seconds to thank Steve for the drawing and promise him he would make the best art studio there was before Steve left. After Brunch, Peter framed the drawing and put it on his shelf with the piece of his first skirt and the picture of his dad in a dress.

--

Later that day, while Peter and Tony were looking at a movie, before heading out for a diner with Aunt May, someone crashed into their quarters through the window.

Tony was ready to fight in seconds; his watch changed into a piece of armor around his right fist, while his left arm pushed Peter behind him, only to find that it was Thor, son of Odin, that had crashed on the ground. Peter couldn’t help but find it kind of cute that his dad would try to protect Peter with his body when Peter could take the most damage.

“For fuck’s sake, Point Break, what the ever-loving fuck?” Tony let the gauntlet recede back into his watch and put his hand on his heart. “I have a heart condition, you know? And we have doors. FRI, baby, tell everyone in the compound there is no immediate emergency. Put the compound in code orange until further notice,” Tony turned to look at Peter, seeing the pink skirt, the hoodie, and the panicked glances his kid was giving, then added, “Tell them there is no need to come and lock the quarters immediately.” 

Peter relaxed some and started to play with the hem of his skirt. 

“I apologize, Man of Iron. It seems like I missed the door.” Thor stood up from where he had crashed, and he opened his arms to hug Tony. “It has been too long my friend. How are you doing?” Tony frowned, but he let the god hug him. 

After they separated, Tony started to give instructions to FRIDAY for the reparations while Thor turned to look at Peter. There were a few seconds where Thor paused to take in how Peter was dressed before he widened his eyes.

Before Peter could react, Thor bowed deeply before speaking. “Good day, Lady Peter.” 

Peter winced. Why would he be a lady? Just because he was wearing a skirt?

“I-I, no, Thor. I-I am a man.” Peter hated how his voice shivered. 

Thor righted himself, beaming at Peter as if nothing had just happened. “Good, how are you doing Man of Spiders?” 

Peter looked at the god, completely lost by what had just happened. “I-I am fine? Thank you, mister Thor,” Peter said with a small voice. 

The god nodded happily. “I am happy to hear that.” Thor promptly turned to Tony. “Man of Iron, I am in great need of a favor.” 

Tony scowled looking at the damage. “Is it more important than repairing the hole in my wall?” 

Thor’s face became serious in a blink, making Peter shiver. “I am afraid it is really important, my friend,” Thor said in a deep voice. 

--

The meeting had been going on for hours, and Peter was exhausted. 

Thor wanted their help to get some information out of his brother Loki. The Asgardians had a reason to think that Loki hadn’t been the one behind the invasion and could even have been a victim of the scepter like Barton and the others, but Loki wouldn’t talk. Thor hoped that maybe someone on Earth could help them because they had tried everything.

The news was welcomed by an uproar, led by Hawkeye and Fury, and had calmed down after Thor had explained that if his fears were correct, there was something worse coming to Earth. He also promised that they wouldn’t need to bring Loki for them to interrogate him and that there was a magic mirror they could use to talk to him.

It was decided the mirror would be locked in Tony’s lab, the most secure room at the compound.

However, they all forgot Peter had unlimited access to the room.

--

The first time Peter saw Loki, Peter was walking along the glass walls of the main lab. He could see Natasha and Maria Hill looking frustrated at a mirror. In the mirror, there was a gorgeous woman with long, raven black hair; she had piercing green eyes, green lipstick, and she was wearing a stunning, black leather dress. 

If Peter hadn’t been gay, and stupidly in love attracted to Bucky, he knew that he could have fallen for this beautiful lady.

Then his brain started to work again and realization clicked: The woman was Loki. Loki was wearing (and rocking) a dress. He looked like a woman, but how? When she/he/the God of Mischief saw Peter, they winked. Peter startled and simply walked faster to the B-Lab where Bruce was waiting for him.

--

Peter couldn’t get Loki out of his mind. The God didn’t look uncomfortable wearing a dress or looking like a woman in front of his enemies. 

After some days, Peter decided to go to the main source of information about Loki: Thor.

“Oh, yes, Loki sometimes, uhm, switches? Mother always said to respect the gender he looks like, but you know that Loki is my brother, so it was difficult at first.” Thor massaged his neck, uneasy. “But then, Loki started to play vicious pranks on the people who would call him a man when he was dressed like a woman. So, I learned to, uh, call Loki a lady when he wears a dress.”

And then Peter understood. “That's why you called me a lady the other day!” 

Thor nodded. “But luckily you don’t ask me to call you a woman.” 

Peter frowned. “Why do you say luckily? I mean, I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking someone to call you a woman if… you feel like a woman?” Thor, confused, looked at Peter and was about to reply, but Tony (since when had he been in the room?) answered first, making Peter and Thor startle.

“No, there is nothing wrong, Peter. Loki is genderfluid, which means that they don’t identify themself as having a fixed gender.” Tony, who was at the door, walked into the room and up to Peter. “We asked Loki and he said you could use the pronouns depending on what he looks like. It’s easier because Loki is a shifter, and can change depending on his moods. But if you ever meet another genderfluid person, you can just ask them what gender they identify with at that moment.” 

Peter nodded. It made sense. 

Thor looked a bit crushed when he started to speak again. “So, it’s not only Loki?” Tony simply shook his head. “Oh. I think I need to talk to my br-Loki.” With those words, the god left the room.

--

Peter did some research about genders - Tony helped - and he concluded that he was a man that liked to cross-dress and that there was nothing wrong with that. Peter had felt very loved that his dad, who was always so busy, had taken the time to explain all of those terms to Peter until they found the ones that felt right.

But Peter was a curious person, and it was what led him to be bitten by a radioactive spider in the first place... Peter wanted to talk to Loki. He wanted to talk about the dress, and about being genderfluid. He knew that the god was not a good being, but Loki was already in prison. What could go wrong?

--

“The mighty Avengers are sending me a child, now? Interesting.” Loki’s bitter words made Peter flinch. Peter silently closed the door behind him, before he entered the lab.

“No. I- I mean, I am an Avenger, but they didn’t send me.” Peter nervously played with the plaid shirt he was wearing that day.

“Then why are you here?” 

Peter lifted his head and looked directly at Loki for the first time. He noted that Loki was in a male form. 

“I learned that you are genderfluid. I- I just wanted to talk.” 

Loki’s face softened a little bit. “Oh, yes. People of Midgard have been strangely open-minded about it.” His face then hardened again. “What do you want? Do you want to see the shift? Do you want me to become a female?” 

Peter winced. 

“What? No! Only if it’s what you want. But, no, who would want you to do that? You’re not some kind of animal.” Peter was horrified, just thinking about it. Loki huffed but said nothing, watching Peter with piercing eyes. Peter took a deep breath and gathered his courage. “I-I like to wear dresses. It is called cross-dressing here.” 

Loki looked at Peter like he was analyzing Peter’s very soul. “Why are you telling me this, human?” he seemed perplexed.

“I saw you in that dress the last time, and you were gorgeous. I mean, that dress, it looked like it had been made just for you.” Peter couldn’t contain the excitement in his voice. Loki raised an eyebrow, but Peter could see that he was fighting a smile.

“That would be because it was crafted for me. I am a prince of Asgard, little one.” The reply was unexpected, and Peter felt his eyes open with shock that was rapidly replaced by glee.

“Oh yes, my da- Mr. Stark let a tailor come to the tower, and he wanted to tailor some things, but I wasn't ready yet. Mr. Stark said that the man could come back later. ” 

Loki didn’t fight his smile this time.

“And why weren’t you ready, yet, dear?”

--

Peter and Loki talked a big part of the night until Peter started to yawn too much, then Loki sent him to his room. As days went on, after his patrol and doing some homework, Peter visited every night to talk about stuff with Loki.

--

“By the Norns! Dear Spider, why would you not simply tell the man that you want him?” Loki asked, sitting against the wall of his prison.

“What? No! He doesn’t feel that way about me,” Peter answered stubbornly while painting his nails with a green nail polish that had been approved by Loki.

“You won’t know until you try, dear.” Peter shrugged and changed the subject.

--

Of course, after a visit one night, they were discovered. While Tony and Natasha (and Bucky) hadn’t been really happy about it, there was nothing they could do or say to change Peter’s mind.

--

“You what?” Peter asked, dumbfounded.

“I stabbed the mongrel,” Loki answered, way too smugly if you asked Peter.

“Because he slapped your ass? Isn’t that a bit extreme?”

“Oh my sweet, sweet, little Spider. If you let men get away with unwanted touching, they will think it is alright to do it again and again. No one should dare touch a lady like that without consequences.” Loki played with the knife that had been in his hand since they started to talk that day.

“Yes, but still, Thor is your brother.” Peter never had had a sibling, but if he had, he wouldn’t have stabbed them, for sure.

“After that, neither Thor, nor any of the savages he called ‘friends’, ever touched me without my consent.” The smile Loki sent his way made Peter shiver.

“Yeah, ok, fair.” The god did heal fast, so Peter guessed that it was okay-ish.

--

Peter had been surprised when a raven had given Peter two identical letters one morning after breakfast. He was even more surprised when the letters ended up being Loki’s complete confession. One had been addressed to ‘The Mighty Avengers’ and the other to ‘Sweet Spider’. 

Loki explained how he had fallen into Thanos’ lap after the destruction of the rainbow bridge; he mentioned the torture, the scepter, and how the beating that the Hulk gave him had helped him evade his conditioning. He also laid out Thanos' strengths and weaknesses, including how and when to beat him.

At the end, Loki wrote that he would never have written his confession if it weren’t for Peter. 

Peter then took the last page, where Loki had drawn them both and had it framed to be placed on his beloved shelf.