#modern witcher nonsense

[magdelanesingerin]

Blooms on the Mountain

“Oh, buddy, come the fuck oooonnnnn.” The brake lights on the RV in front of him lit up again as they went slowly around a gentle curve in the mountain road, and Eskel let his head fall back against the seat of his truck, clinging to his patience and the steering wheel with white-nuckled hands. He wouldn’t trade his house in the middle of nowhere for anything, but driving through the pass in summer was an exercise in frustration with the road clogged by nervous, goggle-eyed tourists inching their way through the mountains, distracted by the stunning views and the unfamiliar twists and turns of the highway.

Eskel glanced down at his speedometer sadly and sighed, backing off from the RV a bit more and resigning himself to going 20 under for the next few miles til the next passing zone. The day was gorgeous, deep green conifers against the stark white of the remains of last winter’s snow pack blanketing the high peaks. The brilliant green of the feathery new larch needles, the yellow flash of glacier lilies scattered along the roadside. The rich blue of the sky crowded with towering clouds.

He rolled his shoulders and tried to relax, eyes flickering to his rearview mirror to see the line of increasingly impatient cars strung along the road behind them; getting home would take as long as it would take.

Still, it was a relief to finally turn off the highway onto his own gravel road. Winding his way through the cool, dappled shade of the woods helped to wash away more of the day’s stress as he passed the rough log archway marking the private entrance to a multi-million dollar lodge, then a shabby log house tucked into the hillside. The few houses were widely-spaced and private, something he appreciated. The truck bounced along through the ruts and holes that pockmarked the road every year, no matter how many times he and his neighbors paid to have it re-graveled, his mind already occupied with chores and dinner plans and the thought of his own bed.

The neighbors’ cabin winked through the trees as he turned off onto their shared driveway, curving up the hill. A deer burst through the underbrush in a panic, and Eskel slowed for a moment to let it dart in front of his truck, followed closely by a pair of spotted fawns.

“Look out, mama,” he murmured with a smile as they disappeared back into the woods, white tails flashing. His own house was just visible through the thick grove of birch and larch trees separating the properties when something else caught his attention and he stopped the truck with a frown.

continue on Ao3

Chapter 1 is up! Thank you, @dapandapod for betaing!

[willowser]

thoughts: drabbles and nonsense

⤷ general tag

⤷ themed tags: ex-husband | nerd | cowboy | domestic | love island | dad | amnesia au | best friend

๑ snippet of witcher!bakugou that i will never finish

๑ modern au boss bakugou

๑ bakugou confessing

๑ the last of us: bakugou

๑ pro hero!bakugou x fairy!reader

๑ soulmate/arranged marriage au

๑ fantasy/god of war-ish au

๑ next door neighbor bakugou

๑ ex-boyfriend!bakugou

๑ bakugou comes in izuku's place

๑ vigilante!bakugou (+nsfw add.)

⤷ general tag

⤷ themed tags: dad | step dad | cowboy | pro hero | domestic

๑ post war arc touya

๑ band au!dabi

๑ friends to lovers

๑ soulmate au

๑ crown prince!touya

⤷ general tag

⤷ themed tags: pirate | nerd | love island

๑ will's drunk dad!kirishima thoughts

๑ ex-boyfriend!kirishima

๑ vampire kirishima

๑ pro hero!kirishima x assistant!reader

๑ kiri with a crush

๑ ex-best friend kirishima

⤷ general tag

android

general writing tag.

*not everything i've written is listed here; if there is anything in particular you are looking for/would like to be added to the list, please let me know and i will do that !

[ghostinthelibrarywrites]

Geraskefer with 13 and/or 29 for the prompts! 💚

This is another one where I kind of lost sight of the prompt, but here's some modern with magic old married throuple!Geraskefer. CW for mentions of infertility.

13. Leaving notes for them around the home

29. Swapping gifts for a holiday

On Midwinter morning, Yennefer wakes to a sticky note stuck to her forehead. Already knowing whose scrawling, near-illegible handwriting she’s going to find, she peels it away from her forehead and squints at it.

My dearest, darlingest light of my soul and fire of my loins,

Please proceed to the kitchen.

Sincerely,

Your favorite husband, who loves you beyond measure

As if Yennefer wouldn’t have proceeded to the kitchen upon waking anyway. That’s where the coffee is. Foolish man. Rolling her eyes, Yennefer sits up and stretches. The bed next to her is unsurprisingly empty; Jaskier and Geralt had both been asleep for hours by the time Yennefer got home after a late night at work.

Yennefer tucks the sticky note in her bedside table, where she keeps all the notes that Jaskier leaves her. Not that he can ever know that. When Jaskier, Yennefer, and Geralt first became roommates, the notes started out as a passive-aggressive thing, reminders that those with long, luscious locks should be the ones to snake the shower drain and demanding to know who finished off the last of the apple juice. 

Once the three of them started dating, Jaskier got in the habit of leaving her and Geralt little love notes all over the house, because he’s congenitally compelled to be as ridiculous as humanly possible. With a fond shake of her head, Yennefer pulls on her robe and heads downstairs.

In the kitchen, Yennefer finds a steaming cup of coffee waiting for her on the counter. She’s unsurprised to find a sticky-note next to it. She is surprised that the note is written in Geralt’s blocky, no-nonsense handwriting.

Come to the basement. G

Yennefer frowns down at the note. This seems like the setup to an elaborate Midwinter gift, he three of them had agreed not to exchange presents this year. After three rounds of failed IVF treatments and flying all over the Continent to meet with adoption agencies, funds are tight and none of them are particularly in the mood to celebrate the holiday.

She takes the time to drink her coffee, because it’s good for them to be left waiting once in awhile, before she heads down the stairs to the basement. She expects to find Jaskier grinning up at her while Geralt stands next to him, looking affectionately tolerant. Instead, there’s a tote bag sitting at the bottom of the steps. Yennefer picks it up, confused. It’s not like any kind of purse she carries, though the black and white pattern is pretty. It’s twice as large as her current purse. With a pang, she thinks that it looks a lot like the bag that Eskel and Triss haul around with all of baby Deidre’s things. Pushing the thought aside, Yennefer checks the bottom of the bag and finds another sticky note.

My most beautiful of flower petals,

Please proceed to Roach’s couch.

All my love,

Probably your 2nd favorite husband by now

Yennefer heads back upstairs to the living room, grumbling to herself. She finds their elderly pit mix, Roach, sprawled out on her favorite spot by the window, snoring lightly. The dog’s ears twitch when Yennefer scratches them, but she doesn’t wake. By Roach’s head sits a cheerful stuffed unicorn. It looks a lot like Corny, the stuffed unicorn that Yennefer has had since childhood, though significantly less threadbare. She picks it up, running her hands over the silky soft fabric. It’s sweet, but why would Jaskier and Geralt think she needs a replacement for Corny?

Roach rolls over for belly rubs, revealing another sticky note. Yennefer gives Roach’s belly a quick scratch before picking up the note.

Come out back. G

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Yennefer grumbles. It’s unlike Geralt to go along with Jaskier’s nonsense to quite this extent, but Jaskier has had the witcher wrapped around his pinky finger since the first day he showed up with a guitar and a cardboard box of his possessions. Grabbing the quilt that Jaskier’s grandmother made for them as a wedding present from the back of the couch, she wraps it around herself and trudges into the backyard.

Jaskier and Geralt aren’t waiting outside, because it’s too damn cold for any sensible person to be outside. Yennefer looks around the backyard, grimacing a little at the sight of the playset they erected when they came so close to being able to adopt a three year old boy a few months ago. They’re still not sure why exactly the adoption fell through, but adoption is difficult, especially when you’re a queer, polyamorous family consisting of a sorceress whose name has been connected to several high-profile political scandals, a witcher who used to be known as the Butcher of Blaviken, and a musician with at least one sex tape circulating.

But when Yennefer looks back at the playset, she’s taken off guard by the sight of something sitting at the foot of the slide. As she approaches, she sees that it’s a pair of shoes. Not the dinosaur light-up sneakers they bought for the little boy who was almost their son, but a pair of purple baby shoes she’s never seen before, with little birds on the side. They’re impossibly small and Yennefer feels something bubble up inside her that might be hope.

She moves the shoes aside to read the sticky note under them.

My love,

Please proceed to the office. I promise, this is the last note.

Yours,

The man you’re probably contemplating divorcing by now

Underneath, there’s an addition in Geralt’s handwriting.

Love you. G

Yennefer almost forgets to be annoyed as she hurries inside with the shoes and the stuffed unicorn and up the stairs to the office. In another fit of optimism during the early days of IVF treatment, she transformed the home office that she rarely used into a nursery. Once it was clear that them having a child was as unlikely as Jaskier taking a vow of silence, she turned it back into an office, but she hasn’t stepped foot in the room since.

She pauses at the top of the stairs in front of the office door. There’s one last note, written by Jaskier and accompanied by scribbled hearts.

I lied. THIS is the last note. Midwinter surprise inside!

With a hand that’s only shaking a little, Yennefer pushes the door open to find all the office furniture gone, replaced by the nursery furniture that she put in storage months ago. Geralt is sitting in the armchair while Jaskier is perched in the windowsill. When they see her, Jaskier leaps to his feet, smile wide.

“Surprise!” He sweeps his arms out dramatically.

“What’s going on?” Yennefer knows what she hopes is going on, but she’s not quite letting herself believe it.

Geralt stands up to cross the room to her, putting his hands on her shoulders. “We got the call last night while you were at work. We’ve been approved.”

“What?” Yennefer looks between them in disbelief.

“We wanted to tell you in person,” Jaskier says, coming over to join them. “But you got home so late that we decided why not make it a Midwinter surprise?”

“Plus, Jaskier wanted to be dramatic about it,” Geralt deadpans.

Jaskier swats him on the arm. “That bag will be a lifesaver, according to Triss and Eskel. We have matching ones too! Well, Geralt’s is all black and mine has rainbows, but close enough. And obviously she’s going to need a Corny of her own, just like her Mama. And I saw the shoes last week and thought they were just the most darling things—”

“This is happening?” Yennefer feels a bit dazed. This seems like something that would happen in the saccharine Midwinter movies that Jaskier loves so much.

“This is happening.” Geralt kisses her on the forehead. “She’s a ten-month old in Cintra and she’s ours.”

With a disbelieving laugh, Yennefer kisses him. And then Jaskier is there, wrapping his arms around both of them and pressing kisses against Geralt’s shoulder. He’s making a strange noise, like he’s laughing and crying at the same time, and she thinks Geralt might be crying too.

“What’s her name?” Yennefer asks when she pulls away, voice hoarse. Okay, maybe they’re not the only ones crying.

Geralt presses another kiss to the top of her head, pulling both her and Jaskier closer. “Her name is Ciri.”

***

Tag list: @kueble @mollymawkwrites @feral-jaskier @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde @dawnofbards @thisislisa @tsukiwolf42 @mosaicscale @rockysstupidity @fontegagrilledcheese @kuripon @help-i-need-a-cool-username @julek @flowercrown-bard @eveljerome

[limerental]

limerental's themed self-rec lists

read my old fics, you cowards! these are majority witcher fics, because i have an illness.

silly goofy modern au

how long we were fool'd - jaskier/yennefer(&geralt)

married neighbors yennskier, suburban dad!geralt, modern witchers, little kid ciri, aroace geralt, relationship misunderstandings, borzoi roach, supernatural mystery, some canon-typical violence, found family nonsense, and my own clairvoyance in writing yennskier husband-wife but it was spring 2020

(don't) poke the sleeping dragon - jaskier/yennefer/geralt

a retelling of bottled appetites but it's a nerdy fantasy music festival, copious drug use, yennefer's sick wizard van, unicorn edibles, golden dragon dildos, outdoor sex, geralt getting pegged and double penetrated, a dialogue only threesome, accidental yearning old friend geraskier tenderness, and someone once told me they wouldn't read this fic because yen had her tits out in the summary and i will always remember that criticism for the rest of my life

as if you were a mythical thing - yennefer/geralt

old married couple, dom/sub dynamics, sex unicorn mention, geralt is very vanilla but loves his kinky wife, and he's too autistic about horses not to ruin ponyplay with horse facts

this one might hurt

long on the road & how light carries on - geralt/jaskier (eventual geralt/regis in the sequel, plus many platonic relationships)

the 80s trucker/hitchhiker au that got away from me, vietnam vet trucker geralt, aging hippie musician jaskier, AIDS crisis, terminal illnesses, dealing with mortality, falling in love, road tripping, copious american geography, period-typical queer community issues, and then... life after loss, aging, grief and mourning, queer and traumatized family dynamics both found and otherwise, finding love again, and watching the sun set on a life well lived

in dark and twisted braids - fringilla &/ yennefer

aretuza school days slumber parties, girlhood crushes, pining, unrequited love, i shook a sorceress and intergenerational trauma fell out, the inherent adolescent horror of making lasting decisions about your future when you are barely 18 but even worse because there's war and violence and permanent alterations to your body and forced sterilization and your little schoolgirl crush on someone you thought was a friend ends in betrayal and bloodshed and you end up on opposite sides of the war and she never even looked your way or thought about you and--

then send down the storm - aiden/lambert, lambert/geralt(/yennefer)

witcher roadtripping, just guys being dudes, horse stuff, winter at kaer morhen polyamory but different, ~trauma~, the mortifying ordeal of accepting you deserve more from life and also of being known, but it's too late (or is it?), grief and mourning and loss and love that was worth its loss, and also, the character death(s) are largely temporary.

aw that just ain't right :/

the witch in her tower - eskel/yennefer(/geralt)

dark fic, fairytale elements, hurt no comfort (mind the tags), morally dubious heartbroken yennefer, pining and years of yearning for geralt eskel, unrequited love, non-consensual mind control during sex, flashbacks to messed up witcher child abuse and violence and cruelty, the inherent horror of mutated and manipulated little boys becoming men who think they can't or shouldn't love paralleled with the inherent horror of enchanted and manipulated little girls becoming women who-- you get it.

the flesh calmly going cold - geralt/jaskier

this one's gross for real, a hunt gone wrong, hurt NO comfort, major character death and it's gross and tragic, gore, necrophilia, organs lovingly described (and jizzed on), basically it's just like that scene in twn where filavandrel exploded but if francesca humped his goo after. sorry.

blood of the covenant (water of the womb) - geralt/&renfri, geralt/stregobor

supernatural pregnancy body horror as revenge, ......pregobor, black sun princess trauma and curses, apocalyptic monster fetus imagery, it's about women and violence against women and evil men suffering for inflicting that violence mostly, and also the evils of standing by and watching evil happen. also, yes stregobor is magical yucky bella swan pregnant and then bad stuff happens to everybody.

[troublemakingrebel]

Fanfic Tag Game

Ayyy, @krankittoeleven, thanks for tagging! Love these little lists!

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

34! (I used to write in two languages, but for this game i count only the English ones)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

295,814... (~1.5 times more words than "Fellowship of the Ring" by JRR Tolkien *sweating*)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Totally obsessed with Assassin's Creed (Valhalla in particular), but also have some WIPs for Cyberpunk 2077.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Right Behind You (Witcher 3), a piece about epic friendship & love between Geralt of Rivia and the absolute husband material Emiel Regis

10 years apart, no more (AC Valhalla), a fix-it for the fLicKEriNg flame nonsense (if you know you know...)

Shall We? (AC Syndicate), another fix-it that makes Maxwell Roth survive the fire as there's no fire at all

The Truth (The Wolf Among Us), about shaky relationship between the Big Bad Wolf and the Woodsman (i'm so surprised it made it to the top-5!!)

In the Belly of the Beast (AC Valhalla), about Ivarr Ragnarsson eating the forbidden Saxon fruit while no one is watching hehe

5. Do you respond to comments?

Of course! Can't leave them hanging there in silence!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Usually, I don't do sad endings, but the most bitter-sweet one is Pebble (Dragon Age: Inquisition) about a kossith who cuts his massive horns off to look more like a human so he could follow his lover to the city where kossith race isn't welcome :c Although I don't think his lover would let him go there anyway......

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Haha every other one :D But Sun, Rum and Gunpowder (AC Black Flag) has the happiest and the most carefree vibes whatsoever!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not on the fics, but the ships! I just delete those because why is it an author's problem suddenly that some people don't know how filters work??

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh, I sure do ;> It's not extremely explicit (no holes in sight, but dicks and balls can be spotted) and is mostly focused on emotions and dialogues.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nope, but I write AUs sometimes to spice things up! Modern days AUs are the bane of my existence, and still... somehow... I keep making them...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, but I noticed my lines and phrases in the stories of fellow writers. I appreciate it!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah!! Out of all possible fics, it was The Remnants of a Ruined Past, a Mad Max (the game!) story translated into Polish. Love it lots!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Never as i am incapable to work in groups haha. I did some challenges though, such as picking a theme and writing something small with a fren to compare the results later. It's very fun and helps to keep your brain gears spinning!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Like, the one and only ship that I could bring along if I was stuck on a desert island? Or the one I don't even write for anymore but carry in my heart daily? The former would be Hawke x Varric (Dragon Age 2) because they're a comfort ship with many possibilities for plots. The latter is Ezio x Leonardo (AC II + Brotherhood + Revelations) and Arthur x Eames (Inception) because they started it all hehe.

15. What’s a fic you’d like to finish but don’t think you ever will?

It's a compilation of drabbles written for a very niche CGI Resident Evil movie (Damnation) & very rare pair that i was planning to continue for as long as the planet keeps spinning, but got overwhelmed with the amount of ideas I had in mind :c

16. What are your writing strengths?

Humor and dialogues!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Everything el– 🥲 Deep character studies, believable politics and fights.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

A big yes from me, it ads depth and character when used correctly. Also, it's very interesting to keep an evening reading about the language you're planning to use, even it's for a few simple words.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It was an attempt to mimic Marie Corelli and write a ficlet for her novel "The Sorrows of Satan". And then Assassin's Creed took my soul and I've never seen it since! Kinda ironic, huh...

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I'm gonna cheat bc I'm quite proud about Beautiful Decline, a series of four fics written for Assassin's Creed Valhalla. It's an enormous project that was never meant to break out from its confinements and produce three more stories lmao.

Tagging @firefly-partyn and @krankittoeleven if you wanna join!

[this-acuteneurosis]

Random. But do you have any star wars fic recs ? Fics recs of any kind are welcome actually ^_^

Oh, uh, sure.

Let's see, I've mentioned @chancecraz a bunch of times, I love all their stuff, if I had to pick a favorite I'd say Of Queens, Knights, and Pawns but how does one really choose?

I've also mentioned @fialleril and Double Agent Vader, which really got me into the SWs fandom in the first place. I love everything I have ever learned, it hits me so hard in the feels each time. (I also really loved Sigyn's Saga if we're also talking not-SW stuff.)

I enjoyed The Desert Sun series by @blue-sunshine-mauve-morning. (I will be honest, I have only read the first series I have not started Rise and Fall.) It's engaging and fun and thoughtful.

doing it by my lonesome and staring down the barrel of the hot sun by magneticwave are two fun Luke/Din stories featuring appropriately cute Grogu. I also liked pages filled with scribbled ink, which is an epistolary Padmé/Obi-Wan fic that had me cackling. (their non-SW stuff is good too, I especially enjoyed just me against the sky)

Other...serious(?) recs include: The Wingless Dragon by husborth if you like being sad and horrified about Vader's bad choices. Food Scandal by Malicean for some situational hilarity and for lots of OC perspective on Imperial bureaucracy (my other weakness aside from politics). PRojects IN Controlled Environments by Beth Winters for Imperial R&D bureaucracy, more situational hilarity, and very relatable coworker nonsense.

More silly/fun premises include: Compromising by samvelg, which inspired me to write a (very different) Piett POV of Luke and Vader nonsense. Memo: Jedi Maintenance (The Care and Feeding of Your Jetii) by RainofLittleFishes is exactly what it says and what you would hope for from such a title. Luke Skywalker is Altogether Too Likeable by Mokulule is another Piett POV of Skywalker nonsense.

As far as Non-Star Wars recs

It would be a crime and sin if I didn't mention Embers by Vathara , an Avatar the Last Airbender fic which honestly changed my life and how my brain was shaped.

World Ain't Ready by @idiopathicsmile is a Les Mis fic I've gone back to a few times. The dialogue is just really good. I spend a lot of the fic laughing, and also screaming at the characters.

I fell absurdly in love with Second person familiar, I think because it tickles some part of me that just dies over linguistics, and I'm a fan of pretty much everything @jackironsides has done for The Witcher.

Salvage by @muffinlance is a very fun Avatar the Last Airbender fic about Zuko getting reluctantly adopted by Hakoda (it's so good).

Finding the Line by Miss_Lazy_Tuesday is a Batfam fic that sort of ruined me at one point, it's fine. (I enjoy their other stuff too.)

The Angel of Hell's Kitchen by MarbleGlove is a Daredevil fic. I don't really go here, but this was about social structures, bureaucracy, and doing the work, and we all know I can't help myself.

Reconstruction by rageprufrock is the story of Stephanie Rogers, but like, it's Pru writing it. So. Characters are great. World building is great. Tension and longing and grief are great. I cannot stress enough how good the academic and news article asides are. Like, it's good. Incomplete, but so good.

Ordinary Numbers by BootsnBlossoms and Kryptaria, a James Bond fic that I keep coming back to because I too would be a sucker for someone who sent me needlessly expensive gifts.

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets is a Supernatural fic about poetry. I am not in this fandom, but again, my weakness for language gets me every time.

ever fallen in love (on national TV)? by ganymede_elegy is a GoT Jonsa modern Bachelor AU and...guys I cannot express how much I Do Not Go here, and how much I still recommend this fic. Like, it's just...I don't know. It worked. In spite of me knowing nothing about GoT or The Bachelor. wtf

survival of the fittest by cywscross is a short Naruto fic about a very unpleasant adventure for Sakura and Shikarmaru that just...worked. As a story. Dunno, I just really like it.

I could be wrong, I could be ready by harryromper is a Harry/Draco fic where they are disasters and traumatized, and it is about healing and building houses as a metaphor for overcoming trauma, and it's fine, I'm fine.

eternity will be born from hope by theseviolentdelights99 is a Yuri!!! on Ice fic that is about a time traveling Yuuri who (you'll never guess) goes back in time and does bureaucracy in his hometown and his sport to help the people that he loves. The unreliable narrator is excellent, the social media asides are wonderful, and it's not complete but it is exactly my poison.

(Wow, this is so long and all over the place...)

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern AU) - Sibling Vibes

Yennefer and Jaskier's early relationship worried Geralt at first. It had caused a certain level of tension that kept Geralt on edge, making him feel like something was coming. Something he would not at all be happy about. He was convinced that Jaskier, at some point, would make a move and try to f**k Yennefer. He had a certain reputation, after all. Geralt was left in a perpetual state of uncertainty.

Geralt knew that Jaskier had considered the idea when he first met her, but at the time he was mildly terrified of her so he elected to behave himself. He was very good at reading people, and it was obvious at the time that Yennefer was not going to put up with his nonsense.

But years later, well after they had figured each other out, he'd never tried to make a move on her. There was nothing but chaste forehead and cheek kisses, hugs, and cuddles, and Jaskier never put his hands on Yennefer in any kind of inappropriate way.

Geralt had been suspicious for a long time, watching Jaskier closely. He was uncomfortable with the way Jaskier seemed so casual about making jokes and calling Yen his 'wife'. He knew Jaskier knew that Yennefer was taken, but that had never stopped Jaskier before. Geralt had heard many of Jaskier's stories about past lovers. Many of them involved individuals in commited relationships.

Geralt wondered how he was still walking this mortal plane.

But Yennefer was different. Jaskier told Geralt one evening, as they sat drinking in Van Roach, that Yennefer was...just special. He loved her in a way that he had never loved a woman before. She made him feel seen, and like he was just an average, irritating brother. She didn't give two sh*ts that he was a Viscount, or a famous bard.

He couldn't really explain the feeling. It was complicated. He knew, without her even telling him, that even though she constantly reminded him of how much she abhorred him and wanted to vomit at the sight of him, that she didn't mean any of it, and that she would go to war for him. She would burn the world to the ground if anyone hurt him. Or if he asked it of her.

"She would b*tch about me the whole time, but she would do it without hesitation, and give no quarter. It's actually mildly unsettling, now that I think about it."

"I know it sounds stupid...but she's...she's the b*tchy, edgy, slightly unhinged-- probably demon possesed -- sister that I didn't know I was missing in my life. The thought of touching her like that... I could never! It feels wrong, and it makes me feel sick to my stomach."

"Geralt, you know how I am. A week or two and I would be chasing someone else's a**. I don't want that for her. I won't do that to her. I won't f**k either of you like that."

"What do you mean how would I-!" *offended gasp* "How dare you! I'm trying to have a heartfelt conversation with you, and you are making jokes!"

Yennefer had summed her thoughts up less poetically, and much more consicely.

"He's a f***ing aggravating, derpy a**, sing-songy manwh*re, who is so f***ing stupid I don't know how he's survived this long. But he's so babygirl I can't help but like him!"

"Oh please! He's not my type."

*eyeroll* "Big, beefy, oblivious, white-haired himbos with better tits than me and dummy thicc a**es."

"You f***ing heard me."

Geralt had been left feeling kind of silly for not trusting his own family. Every day that passed from then on was just more proof that what they had said was true.

Geralt realized that was what was special about Jaskier. Sure, he was a genious when it came to his craft, but he was also gifted at reading people and he naturally interacted with them in the way that balanced them; gave them what their heart needed the most.

Geralt thought about his own interactions with Jaskier. He knew he tended to brood, and be too serious. He kept things to himself and self-isolated. Jaskier balanced him out by bringing the humor, playfulness, and extroversion Geralt needed.

He could see that Jaskier was meeting a need in Yennefer that she probably didn't know she was ignoring. Something her heart needed. He was allowing her to have a little of the life she could have had if she had not been sold to Aretuza. She was experiencing life with a sibling.

There was a certain level of bellicosity to their interactions. It appeared as if they lived for confrontation, craved it, bickering just like siblings would. Neither of them could let an opportunity to make a comment go to waste. Geralt secretly kept a score card on who came up with the best insults. Jaskier was winning so far, but only because he was a bard, and words were his business.

There were pranks, and made up games, and hundreds of little things they did to each other to pester, annoy, and irritate. Most of them, if not all of them, were f***ing childish, which somehow made it even more amusing.

Their pranks on each other were just as childish and sometime impressively creative/sneaky. They were mostly harmless and didn't make too much of a mess, and the way they would scream when they got pranked was somehow satisfying.

Names were often called, but in an affectionate way. It was all in the tone of voice. There was a difference, Yennefer insisted, between "b**tard", and "b**stard" (affectionate), even though it sounded the exact same to Geralt.

And there were the times when they were so soft with each other. Just little quiet moments where they stopped pretending to hate each other and would be disgustingly cute or playful. They really were like a brother and sister.

The only thing that gave Geralt a headache about their relationship was how it could just randomly change. One moment they were close, loving siblings, then they were being brats to each other, taking immense joy in f***ing with each other, then they were threatening to disown each other, then Yennefer was jumping Geralt's a** for something he said to Jaskier, or both of them had ganged up on him and were being petty little a**holes becuase Geralt had p*ssed one of them off.

It was exhausting, and that was why Geralt called them the Chaotic Siblings. It was as if everyday they woke up and chose violence. But Geralt couldn't complaint too much. It was free entertainment after all!

[sassaffrassa]

The mob Boss au?

mob boss au

ok so i’m tagging @kuwdora bc i was supposed to answer her ask from The WIP Game from idk years ago probably, BUT

mob boss au

so: modern with magic setting, 1930’s prohibition era, film noir style gangster au feat betrayal, gun running, vicious retaliation, iorveth as a femme fatale, you know, all the good stuff

Foltest is from one of the big old style mob families, but he’s been taking it in a new direction, divorcing himself from his father’s legacy. Roche is his best enforcer, hired on as a teen when Roche took out the pimp who ran the brothel his mum worked at, and was brought in for discipline and then kept. Foltest can use that kind of fire and spark. point it somewhere useful and who knows what might happen.

the Blue Stripes are Roche’s personal crew, built out of a gang of orphans and other street rats Baker St Irregulars style, and absorbed into his family structure. any time Foltest puts out a hit on someone with a family, any kids gets adopted into Foltest’s family to show them what real loyalty looks like.

the Scoia’tael are a much older gang, built out of the remnants of old neighbors and the old Aen Seidhe residents of the city, and worked more along the lines of a local militia protecting their neighborhood and running off intruders, until these new gangs started vying for territory, the Temerians and the Nilfgaardians and such. more mutual aid, if not entirely altruistic

bc all of this is heavily inspired by the Irish mob, there’s also a through line of religious discrimination— Roche is fantasy!Catholic and had guiltily buried his mothers practices for the sake of his boss/lover. his patron saint is fantasy!St Jude, saint of lost causes and things despaired of. Foltest is fantasy!Protestant and negligibly that at best, and doesn’t understand all this superstitious nonsense. Iorveth was forced into the equivalent of a residential school and had fantasy!Catholicism ground as salt into his wounds, and is (understandably) bitter about it.

Geralt is a well intentioned cop, working for Emhyr, the chief of police and fighting against a system designed to fuck him over.

Saskia is the bright eyed new District Attorney who’s putting in a bid for mayor of the city, working with the Scoia’tael to clean up the streets, ruining Foltest’s plans, and also still a dragon

this is Mostly Vibes, Partially Plot, but there are some words about it, and more on the back burner bc i fucking love an overly complicated au lol

violence and gun kink snippet:

also this all started bc i put roche in a funny hat and the KM discord took off with it, which is where most of my ideas come from

[restless-witch]

If your fic uses the shorthand of poverty or age or “poor hygiene” or fatness as indications of a bad person I’m just closing the tab every time now

Like someone can be a bad person and you can signal it other ways than resorting to “poor/old/gross/fat” physical tropes

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ crooked teeth 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ being fat 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ being old 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ dirty aprons 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ these are all fine states of being that have no correlations with your morality or motivations?

It’s fucking fine to be any of these and fat, old, poor, etc. folx don’t need to be your fucking shorthand for “bad” or “morally dubious”

And you can be any of these things and be a “bad” person but like— the shorthand of these =Bad is a tired writing trope, they have nothing to do with each other

I’m getting real fucking tired of these Witcher fics that are like- you know the innkeeper was trying to cheat them because his clothes were greasy- like what the FUCK clearly some of you have never had to work in a kitchen 🤦🏻‍♀️or all the stuff that’s like the SCARY bandit was extra SCARY and EVIL and had CROOKED TEETH like what the FUCK kind of nonsense is this MOST PEOPLE have crooked teeth and if you’re lucky you too will grow old and live a full like where you will be “dirty” sometimes

Crooked teeth is maybe a bad example because our ability to fix that, if you can afford it, is relatively new but that one especially gets at me because my mama is so wonderful and she and all her children have crooked teeth and to reduce a representation of her to her teeth is wildly off the mark

And on the flip side- you can have a “bad” character with any of these traits but simplifying it down to “we know they’re bad because of X Signifier” is fucked. Like Sigismund Dijkstra can be bald and fat and a underhanded man and guess what??? Those things have nothing to do with each other- normal human variance right there. He’s lived a life leveraging his position and knowledge- his age is a testament to his abilities to not get caught.

I feel like I’ve been poking around a lot of fic recently where they’re really just using signifiers of poverty, age, modern western ideas of “unattractiveness” (hairy, crooked teeth, etc), poor hygiene (bad breath, looking “greasy”, dirty fingernails, etc), or fatness as a replacement for actually writing something interesting

But like, you and your friends from marginalized communities don’t need this shorthand in your life

[vands38]

intro post

fanfic on AO3

filk (music) on tumblr

ko-fi if you want to support such nonsense

FIC TAGS:

oxenfurt verse (the witcher) | lavender (the witcher) | julian (the witcher) | F1 AU (the witcher) | rumours series (the witcher) | patience (BG3) | misc fics

WIP: the yet untitled modern AU (BG3)

WIP: rebelcaptain angst (star wars: rogue one)

fic writing in general

asks | fills

about me:

call me vands. british, 30s, white, queer, chronically ill and chronically grumpy about it, genderqueer (pronouns: they/them), married to a wonderful human and living with two troublesome cats.

FAQ:

my username used to be vands88 and I've been active in fandom for many years now on FFN, livejournal, discord, and various forums. My old fic is routinely orphaned so if you're curious if I wrote a thing or was in a fandom, send an ask.

I give blanket permission for all fannish adaptions (podfic, translations, fanart etc) of my works on AO3, but please let me know about them so I can squee with you & link/promote them!

if you wanna ask me a thing away from tumblr then hit me up at discord (vands38) or email thevands38[at]gmail[dot]com

[blueberrymffn]

@serenailith tagged me and made me face the horrors of my own reality, the mortifying ordeal of my WIPs being known

-original urban fantasy series, about 140k in and onto the second volume. It's about if the world of the fae courts were just dimensionally adjacent to ours, slowly colliding over the centuries, and the drama that would cause in our modern era. -Gil-galad focused Silmarillion fic where the 'young son sent to Cirdan in the havens' was a decoy, he never stopped playing along, and whoops now he's high king of elves

-Unnamed Geraskier nonsense, its just a weirdly horny monster hunt. They're horny, not the monster.

Way too many dreamling fics, or general Sandman

-Witcher AU fic, elf dream. I feel like I'm combining all the things I like with this one -1600s road trip fic, this one is so close to done I can almost taste it.

-Sad Author!Dream human AU, 1/3 finished with the final part, SOON -Soulmate AU fic, exactly what it says on the tin but its canon-verse and the soulmate thing is super specific to immortals

-SPN crossover, where the crossroads Dream tried to pull out of dreams for the Hecate was where Sam and Dean were summoning the crossroads demon. Universe did a whoops and summoned a still weak Dream who hadn't got his tools back yet God there's probably more, and I have more outlined, someone save me from myself. It's Camp NaNo and my goal is 100k but that's not enough for all this. idk who all has done this already, so if you want to consider yourself tagged cause I want to see everyone's WIPs! But also @sleepsonfutons @honeyteacakes @lenreli

[pangolinheart]

I’m partially using this as an excuse to let out these ideas that have been pinging around my brain

I tend to keep certain things in mind when coming with outfits/glams for my characters, so this is all just nonsense about what fashion tastes I assign to them

Tyr is more understated. He doesn’t like calling attention to himself and it’s reflected in what he wears. Casually I put him in something more for fitted but not revealing or just what I feel like is the fantasy fashion equivalent of a nice t shirt. The shirt I tend to doodle him in is deadass just a rip of that shirt from the Netflix witcher where Geralt is fishing around in the lake. The dalmascan top is more of a workout shirt/ “it’s really hot out here but I don’t want to be bare chested” top.His armor got a little more ornate as he’s gotten through expacs, but I still try to keep it simple and with more plate than fabric.

The operative word for Monroe is loose. Point shirts, long jackets, that sort of thing. She gets more accessories/ jewelry. I tend to giver her silver/black more than gold since she’s got a lot of warm tones going on already and silver and a colder black/gray stands out more. More willing to show skin than Tyr, mostly in the chest area than anywhere else. She’s predominantly ranged so there’s not much difference between casual and armor.

Both of them lean more masculine for fashion, so skirts/ dresses are not really in their usual attires/ in their comfort.

Freya is the most feminine. She wears mostly skirts/dresses. She not like opposed to pants, but it’s more of “if there’s no other choice” option. Also has a preference for loose. I would describe her taste as cottagecore/elegant. I personally don’t dress in her degree of feminine so it’s a little harder to pick out for me.

Kuzhuk is the least caring about his fashion. All he wants is for it to fit and not be restrictive. He doesn’t wear a shirt or many accessories. Not opposed to skirts, he just doesn’t think about them much.

Oooooh I love fashion analysis!! Poor Tyr already stands out in Eorzea, so I'm sure he doesn't need to attract more attention by being a flashy dresser. Tyr definitely feels like, in a more modern setting, he would be a "Jeans and a T-shirt" guy - in a good way. (Though horns might make putting on a t-shirt problematic...) I think the shirt you mentioned is a good fantasy equivalent - and it seems like it clasps or button or laces or something to make it easier to put on.

There are a pretty good number of secondary and tertiary characters in FFXIV that are always seen wearing armor or otherwise uncomfortable formal clothing that they probably don't wear all the time, and I semi-regularly wonder what they wear in their free time when they're not wearing armor or a uniform....

Monroe has good taste I looove some of the long jackets in FFXIV. The fact that a lot of her accessories are silver is an interesting choice! I feel like some people might go with gold because it's closer to the warm tones in her color scheme, but I like the way the silver pops. I've also always liked all of Monroe's piercings. Long Viera ears means there are soooo many possibilities for piercings!

Freya definitely looks like she could pull off flowy, drape-y, feminine dresses dresses and skirts! (She's lucky she's a viera and therefore tall lol). The options in-game for actual dresses is a little limited, but I can envision it very well nonetheless.

Kuzhuk is valid for never wanting to wear a shirt. Hopefully he doesn't get sunburned.... Sunburn is also something I think about a lot in-game/in fantasy settings in general. Probably because I'm the type of person who gets a sunburn if they so much as glance at the sun through a window. It's bad enough that when I was in elementary school some other kids started a rumor that i was a vampire because if I spent too much time in the sun at recess i would get a sun poisoning rash... Kuzhuk seems like he's probably better equipped to deal with it, though!

[bookgeekgrrl]

My media this week (9-15 Apr 2023)

ᵍᵘᵉˢˢ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᶦ ᵇᶦⁿᵍᵉᵈ ʸᵉˢᵗᵉʳᵈᵃʸ

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

🥰Love Exactly (darter_blue) - 64K, zimbits AU - fluffy AU with a chance meeting in a bar and instalove - fun read, like wrapping a warm blanket around yourself

😊👂‍Death Beside the Seaside (Lady Hardcastle Mysteries #6) (T.E. Kinsey, author; Elizabeth Knowelden, narrator) - Emily & Flo try to take a holiday at the seaside but there's no sea and a surprising number of internal spies. -

😍Wish Granted (ambut) - 40K, stucky no powers AU - reread of this fave D/s getting together fic

😊👂‍A Botanist's Guide to Parties and Poisons (Saffron Everleigh Mystery #1) (Kate Khavari, author; Jodie Harris, narrator) - entertaining enough cozy mystery set in 1920s British academia with the standard 'plucky & smart-but-also-foolish' amateur detective (newly minted botanist) trying to exonerate her mentor from murder charges. I enjoyed it enough that I might read another but I'm not feral for it

🥰Winter's Children (Neery) - 66K, stucky - "When their attempts to recreate the super soldier serum failed, Hydra started trying to breed Captain America clones from his genetic samples. Unfortunately, the serum's effects aren't passed down genetically, so instead of an army of tiny Captain Americas, they get a bunch of tow-headed, asthmatic, allergic, immuno-compromised little Steves. And then the Winter Soldier stumbles across Hydra's failed experiment…" - just a great fucking fic. I stayed up until 1AM to read and I am too fucking old to be doing nonsense like that, but it was totally worth it.

😍Fourth Floor (dirtybinary) - 41K, stucky modern magic AU - "The one where Steve is an angry millennial wizard, Sam is a Disney prince, Natasha is a shapeshifter, and Bucky is a spoiler."

🥰👂‍Rattling Bone (OutFoxing the Paranormal #2) (Jordan L Hawk, author; Tristan James, narrator) - another enjoyable & spooky ghost hunting adventure with the OutFoxing The Paranormal found family, this time dealing with Oscar's actual family history/trauma.

🥰You're the One That I Want (PR Zed (przed)) - 53K, stucky modern no powers AU - reread, angsty arranged-marriage-for-insurance that is so satisfying

💖💖 +203K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

toasty warm heart (wearing_tearing) - Stranger Things: steddie, 9K - TOO FUCKING CUTE AND WARM AND FLUFFY

as sunshine falls on the wretched (KivrinEngle) - The Hobbit: gen, 18K - a very sweet canon-divergent AU where bilbo adopts a lost little dwarf baby

Handy (softestpunk) - The Sandman: dreamling, 3K - ceramicist Dream lusts after handyman Hob, doesn't make his move, is sad but is saved when he meets the hot professor he's giving a guest lecture for - short and sweet!

the game is on again (ReinventAndBelieve) - The Witcher: Geralt/Jaskier/Eskel, 7K - hot and tender af!

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Dirty Laundry - s2, e5-7

Ted Lasso - s3, e5 [x2]

The Brokenwood Mysteries - s9, e1

Uncommon Comfort Reads with Malka Older, Martha Wells, KJ Charles, and T Kingfisher - super fun panel

Schmigadoon! - s1, e1-6

Schmigadoon! (Schmicago!) - s2, e1

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

99% Invisible #316 - The Shipping Forecast

The Sporkful - Bill Nye, The FOOD Science Guy!

Big Gay Fiction Podcast - A Trip to the Ballpark with KD Casey

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Places Our Families Took Us

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Ashley House

The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Fairy Circles

Vibe Check - A Satisfied Geriatric Millennial

99% Invisible #532 - For a Dollar and a Dream

⭐The Atlas Obscura Podcast - Fun and Funny Science with Mary Roach

Off Menu - Ep 187: Lily Allen

Into It - Are We Into Taylor Swift's Breakup, Lofi Girl, and a Baby Shark Podcast? {worth a listen to hear whatshisname Alwyn described as 'sentient mayo'}

You're Dead To Me - Al Andalus

ICYMI Plus - Meet the Internet’s Princess

Welcome to Night Vale #226 - Creditors

⭐Hit Parade Plus - The British Are Charting Edition

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

CREDITS: Burt Bacharach

AM In The A.M.: '70s Pop Morning

Classic Sunny Afternoon

Best Of '81 To '85 [Ratt]

Essential Glam Rock

Ratt radio

"Summertime Girls" [Y&T] radio

The Fixx radio

[definitelyyessnakedemons]

here's a fic that was sitting 90% written n my drafts and i completely forgot about it until i went "hey, what's in this file?"

290-ish words, crack, modern AU roommate video game nonsense, Jaskier and Geralt play Pokemon Unite

[rahabs]

I suppose if the point of Witcher: Blood Origin was to show us that the main Witcher series could have been so much worse with so much more bizarre, nonsensical dismissal of the lore and horribly written, modern agenda-based characters and situations, then… success?

[ao3feed-destiel-02]

Three in the Morning Nonsense

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/BFbQ8Jj by AtticusAreola I honestly don't have an explanation for this, Sertraline gives you the craziest dreams, so here we are. This is a multifandom collection of one-shots that I wrote at three am, I probably won't do more with them but I needed them out of my head. Words: 17355, Chapters: 7/?, Language: English Fandoms: Supernatural (TV 2005), Once Upon a Time (TV), Hellsing, The Witcher (TV), Criminal Minds (US TV), Call of Duty (Video Games), Five Nights at Freddy's, Avatar (Cameron Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Original Children of Bobby Singer and Karen Singer, Castiel (Supernatural), Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan, Jake Sully, Original Female Character(s), Captain Hook | Killian Jones, Emma Swan, Henry Mills (Once Upon a Time), Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Alucard (Hellsing), Integra Hellsing, Seras Victoria, Father Anderson, Eskel (The Witcher), Lambert (The Witcher), Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Simon "Ghost" Riley, John Price (Call of Duty), John "Soap" MacTavish, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds), Aaron Hotchner, Henry Emily Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Castiel/Dean Winchester, Neteyam te Suli Tsyeyk'itan/Original Female Character(s), Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Original Character(s), Alucard (Hellsing)/Original Character(s), Alucard/Integra Hellsing, Eskel & Lambert (The Witcher), Eskel (The Witcher)/Original Female Character(s), Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s), Simon "Ghost" Riley/Original Female Character(s), Michael Afton/Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: What Have I Done, The Author Regrets Everything, One Shot, Random & Short, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Quote: I Have A Bad Feeling About This (Star Wars), References to Game: FNAF World (Five Nights at Freddy's 2016), Witchers Need Hugs (The Witcher), Autistic Spencer Reid, Soft Simon "Ghost" Riley, Lieutenant John "Soap" MacTavish, Game: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II (2022), Author Has Played Call of Duty, Vampires, Mommy Issues, Daddy Issues, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, One Shot Collection, Fluff and Angst, Eventual Smut, Mild Sexual Content, Alien Culture, Religious Content, Na'vi Culture (Avatar - Cameron), It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Supernatural Elements, Canon-Typical Violence, Not Beta Read, Inspired by Swan Princess (1994) read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/BFbQ8Jj