#mlc character study

[hyog-blog]

Li Lianhua character study

I love how Li Lianhua is all about maturing, changing, and basically transforming after a huge trauma. When you're in your 30s it hits differently as you've been through stuff, and you know how to rise from the ashes and re-invent yourself (if not, that's perfectly okay, too).

I just relate to this so much, the ability to go on and choose life no matter what. Li Lianhua is like a terminally ill patient with a ticking clock attached to his lifespan. 10 years is enough time to learn how to cherish whatever precious moments you have in life (even if all your loved ones are either gone, busy with their lives, or locked themselves inside a cave somewhere). It really doesn't matter at this point - all you've got is YOU, and that's what you have to deal with. And you either find new meanings or become forever a ghost of your former self.

See, I like how Li Lianhua didn't do that, despite his ailment. He learned to enjoy the simple things. He found a 'job' that fit his new narrative better. He ditched the heavy physical activities and started using his smarts and cunningness, relying on his brain rather than his gong-fu prowess. He developed new skills because one's life doesn't end with an injury, even if you can no longer do the very thing that WAS your life before.

When you have a clock ticking on your ENTIRE life that's got to change a person. A whole new mentality develops. So much so that he's mature enough to speak to his former GF kindly, so she finally lets him go and can look into the future. So much so that when a puppy Fang Doubing arrives at his doorstep, he doesn't want to do anything with him not to cause any more damage to the people around him. He doesn't love himself, I doubt it, but there's no avid self-pitying. It feels like he's accepted his fate for whatever reason. And that he just wants some peace.

The world being unable to let go of him is an entirely different matter. The old friends, old lovers, old family members, the death that haunts him, the past. If he could let go of that totally, he probably would have transformed, transmigrated into something else entirely, if he wasn't clinging to those bits and pieces that refused to die despite the clock ticking (but then he wouldn't be LLH I guess).

The world around him was clinging to the ghost of his former self, cherishing it like a statue of a hero that he once was, like a symbol of power, change, and youthful prowess that he no longer could or wanted to be. Fang Doubin accepted him for who he was, despite dreaming of meeting Li Xiangyi. His open heart and soul were pretty much irresistible for such an old and tired cynic whom Li Lianhua thought himself to be (otherwise, if you have hope, if you have people who love you, the ticking clock becomes too painful).

And then De Feisheng appears like a walking and talking memory of days long gone, hellbent on repeating the fight that was already in the past. That man obviously had issues of his own, but they still clicked, the connection was there, despite Li Lianhua being so different, despite reinventing himself from the ashes of his former self. I reckon it's because their connection was deeper than just the persona, the agenda, the whatever reason that got them fighting in the first place. It's just that Di Feisheng doesn't know any other type of relationship, so he fixates on what's familiar to him, and what's safe. Li Lianhua is safe as a sworn enemy, but in his mind, it might be just a skewed version of a sworn lover, a zhiji, a person who knows him like no other.

That's why for Li Lianhua their relationship is a double-edged sword. On one hand, there's a bond, a connection that survived the passage of time and his own transformation. On the other hand, Di Feisheng is trying to drag him back to where he was, to the version of himself that no longer existed.

In a way, I think, Di Feisheng partly accepted Li Lianhua, he could probably let go of the fighting thing as time went by (if they had that time together), and it would grow into something different, milder, calmer, more peaceful, more at ease with each other and themselves. I think it's a huge possibility because adjusting to new versions of people takes time (and A-Fei seems like the kind of person who has a hard time accepting that other people are not the same anymore), but it would have worked eventually.

Fang Doubing felt like a bridge between Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua, and Di Feisheng could have walked it, getting to know his old frenemy as a re-invented, different person (which he did in the series, we just don't get to see his inner thoughts about the matter). But A-Fei and LLH reconciling in that wedding chamber and drinking wine is pretty much that - they reminisce of the old days but as themselves, in the new setting, admitting that time has passed but some things haven't changed (their bond).

I don't know I just thought about it suddenly XD I blame my dash for MLC stuffs))) I love this throuple, though.

[mx-myth]

Okay so mlc hanahaki au except when fang duobing leaves li lianhua when he discovers he's li xiangyi (because that's about where I am in the show rn) he starts coughing up stuff afterward. He's like wtf is happening I got better things to do but then suddenly he's keeled over feeling like he's hacking up his lungs but all that come out are seeds and slender white petals stained with blood. Finally he starts researching and oops, he's in love with someone? This is where he notices that his seeds look suspiciously like lotus seeds. He's in love with LI LIANHUA? Seriously? Baby boy is so furious but he eventually decides to keep this to himself. (Something something lotuses meaning honesty and goodness and the sick irony of xiaobao's feelings about llh at this moment and the petals being stained with blood)

Fast forward to post-canon. He never told llh. The flowers are slowly taking over his lungs and his meridians are slowly decaying due to the disease. For months he's been throwing up pieces of lotus pods. He chokes out whole lotuses sometimes.

Does this mean llh is still alive out there somewhere? Or is he yearning after a dead man? Xiaobao doesn't know which one is true.

Di feisheng totally knows about this (I don't actually know what happens post-canon so they're living in the lotus tower with huli jing). They don't talk about this. He doesn't know the flowers are for llh but come on, xiaobao, it's not that hard to guess. But he makes xiaobao tea to soothe his throat and cooks sometimes. They sit together in the mornings quietly and they both know they're wishing for llh to be back.

And then one time when dfs is out fdb coughs up red petals mixed in with lotus petals. This can't be happening, he thinks. He does a little asking around when he goes out for groceries and they're camellias. It makes him want to throw up a little when he's told they mean devotion and care (and in China it symbolizes two lovers which I thought was a little funny).

No one else stands beside him but dfs. No one knows him like he does. No one knows dfs like he does. The one person who knew them both truly is dead. They're connected by their devotion to a dead man. They've cared for each other through their ups and downs. Xiaobao knows that dfs isn't the cruel villain of the jianghu. Xiaobao himself is no longer a wide-eyed naïve little detective.

Who else could it be besides dfs? Who else could he love besides these two men who know (knew) him like no one else does? It's a sick parallel that, just like llh, he only has so long to live.

Does dfs know? If he reciprocates, does it truly change the fact that fang duobing (fang xiaobao) will die? The love was there but did it truly change anything? Did it save anyone?

Edit: guys you'll never guess what I just finished writing

[potahun]

MLC Ep 19 (Fanghua)

I haven't seen it here yet, and i hesitated to post this because I find it difficult to word it myself, but i noticed the official subs translated the dialogue in Episode 19 between Fang Duobing and Li Lianhua at Lotus Tower, like this:

LLH: Li Xiangyi wasn't always right. (...) When he was young, he was very petulant. The downfall of the Sigu Sect was partly his fault. FDB: Someone said that to me before. But I've studied him. He should be proud of himself! LLH: There is a fine line between pride and arrogance. Arrogant is not a good word. FDB: He was proud because he had faith. Faith is a great word.

The dialogue in chinese is a bit different, and it's mainly because in chinese, there was a play on "proud" (傲 | ào), "arrogant" (傲慢 | àomàn), and what the subs translated as "faith" but was more like "unyielding in character" (傲骨| àogǔ), in a noble way.

It's very difficult to make the same sentence structure using only English words, so what they came up with was spun very nicely and a good translation. But to give a vibe of what was said in the original, this is it:

FDB: It's not like I've never heard of what you're saying about him... But I've studied his life closely. The word "proud" (傲 | ào) rightfully applies to him! LLH: If you add another character to "proud" (傲 | ào), it becomes "arrogance" (傲慢 | àomàn). "Arrogance" is not a good word. FDB: And if you add another character to the word "proud" (傲 | ào), it can also mean "unyielding in character" (傲骨| àogǔ). How is that not a good term?

...the vibe is slightly different and it explains why there is an emphasis on good or bad "word" in the English subs.

There are a lot of lines and dialogues that I find very pretty and rhythmic in this drama but are difficult to translate word for word... But it's a great script for the dialogues!

[7-sided-dice]

Part 2✨ of fence headcanons and scenarios cus apparently i have more of them hidden deep in my pockets: (these are all purely based on vibes and all canon should be expected to be thrown out the window)

(also @sometimeswritingsometimesdying Seiji with darts and Aiden playing pool has become so important to me- but consider: Harvard playing pool✨)

-In my head Bobby loves watching those slice of life + action animes- maybe like spy x family and buddy daddies but i also feel like ouran high school host club would have a special place in his heart

-Although I also believe that Bobby would read the most beautiful and probably really tragic mangas ever like I can see him falling in love with the art style of Toilet Bound Hanako kun or the storyline of Your Name or like the tragic plot of the Summer Hikaru died

-Nicholas grew up watching Pokemon XYZ while Bobby adored Pokemon Sun and Moon and Eugene (or Seiji) watched Pokemon Black and white- they talk to each other and nerd out about it once they find out

-I dont know if I see Tanner as someone who would watch anime but I think it would be really funny if he watched education based ones to skip studying like Dr stone and Cells at Work and he just got really invested at some point and brought Kally in it too

-Seiji and Nicholas watch Windbreaker together (the anime not the biker manwha) (this is me projecting my fixations on fence characters if you couldnt tell) argue with the wall/j

-I feel like Terrence (the black haired guy with one eye in MLC team) has an active wattpad account he doesnt use anymore

-I feel like Sungchul is just your average student and when you get to know him you are just shocked at how many extracurriculars and sports this man does at his free time like damn how does he fit all that in his schedule

-Seiji has watched Trigun Stampede (2023) liked Knives but grew to like Vash as his favorite character (catch my drift pls)

-Nicholas can pull off a Vash cosplay for halloween please hear me out

-Nate collects cards thats the vibe im geting

-While I feel like Halverton team bonding comes at the form of dnd nights i think that Macrobertson team bonding consists of movie nights where they watch tv shows like Brooklyn 99 and Modern family

-Dante, Bobby, Nicholas and Eugene playing pokemon while chilling in Bobbys dorm with Seiji leaning on Nicholas watching him play guys hear me out

-I know that its canon that Aiden and Harvard watch classic movies with sword fighting to judge them but consider that whoever picks a movie that day chooses one with a romantic storyline that fits their relationship (even if the romantic storyline isnt the focus of the movie) so they both just sit there watching a movie where the side character happens to be pining for her childhood best friend while the main character is trying to plot against the antagonist and also they have swords

-Kyle would play competition games like Fall guys or Mario kart while Nicholas would play something like Hades for the challenge and Jesse would probably have the watermelon game and block blast on his phone lmao

-Jesse and Nicholas are the type to know like really niche stuff in totally different spectrums

(i think this might be a good time to mention that a few of the shows i mentioned I have not watched- I am just going purely off of vibes and first impressions)

(dont be afraid to yap about what you think I love seeing peoples responses lol)

[ilgaksu]

Fandom Trumps Hate 2024

i'm doing this again this year, so this is the page to my listing, and i've copypasted it below for ease of reading on tumblr! i really loved doing this last year, and you can see what i wrote in 2023 here for @heliological, which ended up being one of my favourite fics of the year.

this year, i'm offering for mysterious lotus casebook, all for the game and i am the single-person write-in for dmbj :'))

i really loved doing this last year and i'm really excited about the organisations i've chosen for my listing this year, thanks so much for your support <333

the actual listing:

ilgaksu Auction 1/1

Organizations this auction benefits: Bellingcat *, Civil Rights Education and Enforcement Center *, Life After Hate, Middle East Children's Alliance * (See full list. * denotes an organization that accepts international donations.)

Type of fanwork: Written fanwork Subtype(s): fan fiction (new) Fandom(s): Mysterious Lotus Casebook, All for the Game, DMBJ (Grave Robber's Chronicles) - Xu Lei Highest rating: E Length/scope: Less than 5k words. Minimum Bid: $5

Especially interested in: Character Study, Kink, Body Politics

Unwilling to address: Terminal illness, rape/non-con, pregnancy, medical settings, development of worsening disability (in the case of MLC I am open to discussion). If the request is for DMBJ, I won't write Xie Yuchen as anything but a transgender man. Regarding kink, there are some kinks I'm uncomfortable with writing (including ageplay, puppyplay, knifeplay, some involving bodily fluids or extreme body modification, etc) so please be willing to accept that and work with me. I'll always suggest an alternative if there's one I veto.

Other notes: I'm a big fan of working collaboratively and checking in throughout the process and developing the idea together. I am also happy to continue an existing WIP as my request. I also love writing AUs, so please feel free to request one!

Special interests: Poly ships, Trans or nonbinary interpretations of canon characters, Racial or cultural experiences of nonwhite characters, Ambiguous endings

auction info:

Auctions run from 8:00AM EST, 5 March 2024, to 8:00PM EST, 9 March 2024. Bids before or after this period are invalid and will not be counted. If you would like to bid on this auction:

Step 1: Check the bidding spreadsheet to find out what the current high bid is. (Note: It may take up to five minutes for a bid to appear.)

Step 2: Fill out the creator's bidding form with a bid that is higher than the current high bid. If you want to make it harder for someone to outbid you, bid higher! We will NOT notify you if someone outbids you. If you would like to track changes to this bidding sheet, select Tools -> Notification Settings. Email notifications may not be immediate, so we do not recommend relying on them near the end of the auction period. Bookmark this sheet so you can check it manually. FTH will only notify you if you are the high bidder after the auctions end.

and another link to my page in case you don't want to scroll back up

[bbcphile]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love ❤

Thanks for the ask, @thesilversun! 😀

Since the ask said written, not “are writing,” I’m not including my current MLC longfic (as yet unnamed), but otherwise it would absolutely be on this list. It’s 58k and not yet halfway through (facepalm), and I’m really looking forward to finishing it and sharing it. So, for MLC folks, sorry there’s only one MLC fic here!

1. What’s Sealed Away (Mysterious Lotus Casebook, Dihua)

I really enjoyed figuring out how a-Fei’s amnesia works based on the details the show gives us and the things it’s oddly silent about, and reverse engineering based on how he acts towards LLH what his experience of amnesia might be like. (Also, as someone who has unfortunately had experience with amnesia, I feel like most examples of the amnesia trope really punt on the many different kinds of memory and how amnesia can mean you lose some but not all, and the wild things that happen when there are contradictions between them.) I’m also really proud of the ways I tried to convey the meanings behind LLH’s reactions even when DFS as the POV character had no way to fully interpret them because of all the missing context. It was a fun writing challenge.

2. Nunc Atque Semper (Horatio Hornblower, Maria/Horatio Hornblower, past Archie Kennedy/Horatio Hornblower; the only Dead Kennedy Universe fic I will ever write)

I can’t even read fics where Archie dies without being an emotional mess for days, so I was not ever expecting to write one. But 1. I got a prompt for it, and 2. It was a chance to hold Horatio accountable for the ways he treats Maria in the series while also being sympathetic to him for his overwhelming grief and being married to someone he doesn’t love; and 3. I love incorporating literary allusions into my work, and Archie’s canonical love of Shakespeare meant that I could have a central part of the fic be Maria essentially trying to do literary analysis to figure out what Archie and Horatio were to each other. I very much broke my own heart with this fic and I’m still proud of it.

3. Harboured and Encompassed (Horatio Hornblower modernAU (libraryAU + actor!Archie), Archie/Horatio; Archie/Horatio/Will pre-slash; 148,000 words)

I am still so incredibly proud of how I adapted the characters and events (with aspects of some of the books thrown in) to a modern setting while staying true to who they are. These characters will always have a very very special place in my heart, as will the special combo of humor, fluff, and heart-rending angst that having a character like Archie at the center of it enabled (I miss writing him so much sometimes). I love the whole series, too, but this is definitely the core of it.

4. Turning Over the Sands of Time (Horatio Hornblower, Archie/Horatio)

I still don’t understand why this one has so few kudos when I think it’s some of my best writing. Maybe the subject matter is too bleak/violent? (Mind the tags if you read it!) I really love writing missing scene fics and character studies, and the moments from the show that bookend this fic break my heart every time and make me fall in love with Archie all over again, respectively, and I wanted to delve into the hellscape of Archie’s mind in those moments and show how, even when he is in emotional agony and dealing with flashbacks, he is still compassionate and caring and trying with what little agency he has to make sure no one ever suffers as he did, or at least, if they are forced to, that no one has to suffer alone. (Also, a horribly depressed and triggered Archie means a very poetic Archie, which means I got to write lines like “The actors had changed, but the play had not” and “a rotting weed by any name would smell as fetid” and “Dying might be a price worth paying if it could but purchase that.” Have I mentioned I miss writing Archie?)

5. Taking Hands Against a Sea of Troubles (Horatio Hornblower, Archie/Horatio)

TW: suicide mention

The first time I saw a delirious Archie quote Anthony and Cleopatra during his suicide attempt and the play-illiterate Horatio has no idea what he’s saying, I knew I wanted to write the a scene where they see the play together years later in Drury Lane and Horatio finally understands the context. And I knew the scene in the theater box would need so much non-verbal communication and would need to be so comparatively subtle–because of the semi-public nature of the theatre box and the very real danger they would face if Horatio actually comforted Archie more overtly–so I waited a few years after having the idea until I was able to execute it the way I wanted to. I really love fics that deal just as much (if not more) in what’s unsaid than what’s said–for all that I love deep dives into character psychology–and I’m so glad I was able to finally write this. 

Thanks again for the ask!

[raypakorn]

Gif sets of 2023/Roundup

so i'm combining the tag game that @naomismcpherson and that @nick-nellson, @alexshenry, @pranink, @khaotunq, @smileytharn, & @i-got-the-feels tagged me in...thanks for the tags loves! 💛

Rules (adapted for fic, gifs, art, etc.): Share what you made this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you made or just the projects you're most excited about.

fun statistics

in total i made 296 gifsets in 2023

march was my busiest month with 49 sets (21 were for liz's 21st)

90 are only friends

53 are home school

13 include angsty song lyrics

2 are just to see firstkhao crying

10 are a show + txt posts

42 are elaborate sets

1 is based of liz's breakdown over first in mlc

JANUARY popular: watched MOD @morkofday's suggestion and needed to make this set favorite: neo being the most hilarious human being in midnight motel

FEBRUARY popular: tk staking his claim on carlos favorite: liz inspired alan gifset

MARCH popular & favorite: mama reyes admitting her biggest regret, i literally sobbed ugly over this scene and what it meant to me

APRIL popular: gun, win, & aye being kicked off the bed parallel favorite: khathadome & khathachan + ao3 tags, sometimes i make myself giggle

MAY popular: gwen being missed at the rehearsal dinner favorite: aye + love languages in our skyy 2 (had to help him beat the allegations of being a bad boyfriend)

JUNE popular: tian getting the 1000th star favorite: unhinged game of musical chairs

JULY popular: it's a tie folks... yeol being moved by ye chan's request & tien calling his future boyfriend an asshole for kissing his brother (which is fair) favorite: mok & mek absolutely devstating us all in ep 9 & 10 (let aj & jj be leads)

AUGUST popular: sand x ray dynamics favorite: actually popular is probably my favorite too but honorable mention would be the set i made before only friends aired because i was so hyped and i have actually started the video for the song and i plan to finish it

SEPTEMBER popular: only friends ep 6 +txt posts (felt like the funniest person because of the tags on this so thank you) favorite: ray + my final symphony (put my whole ussy into it)

OCTOBER popular: only friends ep 9 + txt posts favorite: it's a tie for me and both are khao/ray related...shocker... ray + five4three2one & fuck it, we bawl ft khao crying

NOVEMBER popular: khem, the comedian (this actually broke containment which good, it was funny) favorite: mork x day dino fight (i wanted to gif the entire scene)

DECEMBER popular: dani x jamie + make it a rom-com favorite: it's my blog url namesake...don't judge me...ray pakorn + character profile & ray pakorn + character study

tagging: anyone who wants to because i didn't actually look to see who's been tagged or who has done this 💛

[markiafc]

notes on mlc

some personal thoughts about buddhism and mlc :D in some ways, its a further elaboration of the ideas mentioned in this post. @ananeiah @seventh-fantasy

1.

amongst the 3 main chinese philosophies, buddhism is the closest to my heart and personal life. confucianism comes second as i was exposed to it only in accompaniment to buddhism (studied 弟子规 standards for being a good student and child pretty intensely and its had a lot of presence throughout my life + a more modest focus on 三字�� three character classic). and lastly, i'm the furthest away from daoism. i know little about its texts and theories though most of my relatives are daoist; buddhism is on the scanter side in my family. there's a lot more to chinese philosophy than just these 3 schools, but a lot can still be gleaned from this limited scope.

2.

namely: there is a cultural obsession with organizing society. it extends to other parts of asia as well, but chineseness does have a fixation with inventing structure, with dictating every facet of human life, with creating meticulous and intricate systems that resemble million-cog machines; all the little parts (living, breathing people) must perform what they were designed for, and the whole can then function perfectly. a lot of this lies in confucianism. it devises specific social roles and rituals, it calls for conformity and uniformity, it teaches you exactly how to live. confucianist texts (and chinese governing bodies) tell you what your childhood must entail, what your teenage years must be like, what qualifies as adulthood. what marriage is. what a family is and how to conduct yourself within it. here are the exactly defined spheres that make up your entire life like building blocks. there are details, situations that may arise and the correct way to respond, and there are steps. for every person, regardless of age, gender, race, class, etc. there is a guide to follow and stages to accomplish. this is a system for our benefit. we must abide. don't we all want to be good people and live a good life?

3.

it stands to reason that there is an old and enduring conflict within chinese thought. buddhism, daoism, and other chinese ideologies exist to combat this rigidity, this extensive manual to living human life. they assert that surely there is something beyond. surely there is something more meaningful to our time on earth than propriety, tradition, discipline, etc. does this really establish goodness and generate fulfillment? what are the ingredients to human happiness, really? this interplay lies at the center of these 3 major chinese philosophies. (among a multitude of other things, of course, a highly diverse and ancient culture can't be boiled down.)

4.

sometimes chinese stories explore that unyielding and severe, at times cruel, social order. it is the entire world as far as the eye can see. and these stories draw from buddhism (or other beliefs like daoism, mohism, etc.) to portray a way out. to find freedom from that choking machine. how do we escape institution and systems? from a mahayana buddhist perspective, that question is the same as: how do we be happy? and these are the chinese stories that truly, viscerally gut me to the core because i feel it deeply. it feels true and real and earnest. mlc is one of those stories to me.

5.

briefly, this is on a basic level what chinese buddhism is in spirit:

everything in our mortal world is because of 因缘 cause/effect. every event, every emotion, every phenomenon is a result of something else. and this newly-produced result will then go on to become a cause of its own, inciting other effects. it is a chain reaction.

significantly, it is also a cycle. in the chinese eye, in the buddhist eye, all is conceptualized as a process. everything is broken down into step after step, and understood as such. animals have a reproductive cycle, the chicken and the egg. rain exists via the water cycle. and the human being is the most complex creature of all. we are a result of many, many cycles working in tandem all at once. inside our bodies and our minds, the chain reaction is at play, renewal and cessation and renewal and cessation.

this means that everything is always changing, on a level we can perceive and also in imperceptible ways. everything is subject to change, especially ourselves. this, too, indicates everything is a byproduct of something else. everything has a recipe behind it, everything is a batch of different components, baked together to create the cohesive final product. we look at it and see sponge cake, with frosting and edible decorations. we dub it "cake", and forgo the reality that it is egg, flour, sugar, and so on. we place emphasis on the labelled idea of a "cake". so long as we think inside this framework, an instinct that comes naturally to all human beings, nothing is as it appears.

such impermanence & the human urge to depend on such methods of conceptualization creates suffering.

therefore, never be tricked by form and appearance. always look past the veneer, the whole it seems to be. a cloud is labelled a cloud but it is merely a step in the water cycle, water changing forms. matter is a combination of atoms. and our anger, sadness, discomfort is always more than the simple emotion. look closer. buddhism urges you to dissect it. analyze, question, break down. everything in this world is an effect, it is a construct. it comes from something, somewhere. and then remember, everything is subject to change. even society, especially society.

buddhism repeats over and over again. many things feel true but they are not. it feels true that women are inferior to men, but this reality does not stand up to close inspection. why do we think this? reflect on ourselves, what exactly did we intake that resulted in this final conclusion? what ingredients created and perpetuate this form we label misogyny? analyze, and then change it.

buddhism is a cultivation of the self, an endeavour to re-train the mind to think in new, better ways. it teaches how to recognize falsehoods that pass as unshakeable, irrefutable beliefs. how to remove ourselves from it. and how to master our minds towards better mental processes. this is enlightenment. in buddhism, it can mean so many different things. but the concept is most popularly synonymous with 智慧 intelligence, exactly because buddhism prizes the refined mind. one that is no longer stuck believing in falsehoods and illusions.

how do we be happy? we cultivate a different way of thinking from the mainstream, from traditional society. become unstuck from your old self who is entrenched in our world, along with the fraught beliefs it instills into every single person. nirvana is a state of mind. and happiness is freedom, which necessitates departure.

6.

llh re-evaluates his identity and his life, that is his arc. he pinpoints the beliefs he used to hold, that he was so sure mattered. the idea of heteronormativity and the patriarchy seemed so important to him at the time, it was all there was. but then he comes to realize he was wrong, it was all false. he interrogated himself and those ideals deeply, and spent years cultivating a new way of thinking. he also removed himself physically and emotionally from the world lxy inhabited. by becoming llh, he becomes undefinable. everyone else struggles to comprehend him, they are not equipped with the tools to digest the concept of llh.

(the fact is "lxy" was always there. he was just invisible to others because they simply could not properly process what they were encountering. this happens over and over with fdb and the baichuan folks. it is not his physical appearance, in fact he still looks about the same. he is rendered unrecognizable by the gulf between beliefs. by an inability to perceive what they are actually seeing.)

llh escapes but it is not far enough. society catches up to him again, llh becomes parseable to the world all over again. he is once again defined, and defining himself, through the mainstream concepts. uncle, master, guardian. a friend, an enemy. an ex-lover turned friend, a love rival, etc. his identity is contingent on existing in society. and as a participant in society, he attempts to construct his identity through a combination of labels. he allows himself to be perceived, for it to matter how others view and understand him. to let the way they think inform how he thinks too. the way he lives and goes about his life is wrapped up in new versions of old institutions. labels and concepts all over again.

the different combination of ingredients creates the illusion of a different final product, a different person. and to some, that may be the wisdom and change they need to be happy. not everyone needs buddhism to be happy. but llh makes an effort, experiments, looks closer and closer at himself. and he decides it is not enough for llh, so he transforms. he takes all his time and experience, and devotes it towards a new outlook on the world.

the cycle repeats, and every buddhist can only hope that this time the new round would end differently. its impossible to know but it is always worth trying. because this is the road to happiness; this complete and utter egress. the buddhist ideal of becoming a mystery. to become untouchable by that restrictive society and its standards. invisible once again. impossible to fathom because you are not beholden to definite labels. form and a consolidated, concrete, and organized identity is how the others process the world. but you are not what you seem. you are more than what you appear. your form does not reflect what or who you are.

so how do we be happy? it's simple, we say goodbye.

[qilingxiong]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @extraordinarilyextreme, 谢谢

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

On my current account, 25! (not counting everything from my old account I deleted in 2020)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

On said current account, 53,972

What fandoms do you write for?

As of right now the brainrot has taken me to MLC, and if I ever get my motivation back, then also DMBJ

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. The War Is Over, And We Are Beginning - Jiang Cheng & Jin Ling, 7.6k, Post-Canon

2. all of this mess (is just my attempt) - Chengning, 2.6k, Cloud Recesses

3. hold the world to its best - Jiang Cheng, 859, Long After Canon

4. won't run away (we're here to stay) - Chengning, 3.5k, Post-Canon

5. welcome to the storm - Jiang Cheng, 1.6k, Fall of Lotus Pier

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, but god help the ADHD. I read and cherish every one I get though, I promise!!

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's either didn't want us to burn out, which was canon timeline Chengxuan, or come back and haunt me, which was canon timeline Sangyu. I think I'll go with the latter. It had more tragedy about identity and memory, I think

(There's also one Hamlet fic I'm proud of, but that was a one-off I wrote. You can go find it if you want)

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh boy, uhhhhhhh. Out of the stuff currently associated with me, it'll be one of the Chengning fics, I think, or my aro!Wei Wuxian Ningxian fic. Not gonna lie it's slim pickings for happy endings around here haha

Do you get hate on fics?

No, thank god. I was always too much of a small fic writer for that.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hahaha, not really. I'll do handwavey and fade to black but that's about it. Might get there one day though!

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope, not a crossover person unfortunately unless you want to count the sins on my old laptop from my superwholock era (I don't)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Ehhhhh..... as of recently, ideas yes but actual written fics, not that I'm aware of

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! A couple of my MDZS fics and one MCU fic back in the day got translated into Russian

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Bestie I live in multishipper hell you can't make me decide

What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Basically every DMBJ wip at this point in time, but particularly the one I'm furthest along on that I do not have a working title for other than 'horrible huaxie backstory'. My relationship with DMBJ has changed a LOT since getting into it this year and now my hyperfixation is somewhere else, so who knows what'll happen *shrugs*

What are your writing strengths?

I've been told my narration has a distinctive voice to it, and I think that's what people tend to compliment most? Dialogue is also something I've tried to consciously work on over the years, and I don't know that it stands out as a strength necessarily but it's almost something I find easy to write these days if I'm in the swing of it

What are your writing weaknesses?

Action and smut. Basically don't make me mentally choreograph complex stuff

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Now that my Mandarin has improved after two years of study, I think writing bilingual fic could be fun. There's definitely dialogue I've thought up in Mandarin for C-Drama characters that just won't have the same impact in English, and it's a shame I can't just casually drop it into a fic untranslated and be done with it

First fandom you wrote for?

First fics I ever wrote were for Star Wars and they were written longhand into a horrid little hipster notebook from Indigo. The first fics I posted on Ao3 were for the MCU though

Favorite fic you've written?

Nah I'm not choosing on this, I have no idea <3

Tagging @nutcasewithaknife, @eirenical, and @ilgaksu (only if you want to and apologies if you've already done this 😅)

[toastofthetrashfire]

Thank you both for an already rich and nuanced discussion! I agree that the show could have had a complex depiction of choice and what it means to choose cure, but failed to do so. I hope it's okay if I add a few thoughts that were sparked for me reading this.

I think the larger question of ethics is an important one. Especially what we demand of a show, particularly one on disability.

First off, I think your right that we need to know more about how Thailand conceptualized disability, health, and the distinctions between these. What sort of dialogues are happening around cure? What narratives and discourse historically have framed disability and how does that shape what disabled Thai people want or need in narratives? Disability as a concept is fluid, contextual, and cultural. And I do think we need be careful about how we apply western views of disability when judging whether something is good rep or not too hastily. At the same time I think we can have nuanced discussions about how the show succeeds or fails to work for disabled viewers in other contexts.

So I wanted to return to what y'all have brought up here about ethics and narrative within the context of western discourses on disability.

I can understand the concern over demands that Day be expected to be a hero--supercrip narratives are common and just as ableist as cure narratives. But I also think it's important to distinguish a few things. Demands of the narrative vs demands of character's choices. And demands coming from a disabled vs non-disabled perspective. I recognize the lines between these aren't perfect but I think it's crucial because a lot of the reactions I'm seeing and feeling come from a disabled perspective and are a critique of the narrative choices around disability rather than individual character choices per se.

This comes out of a long context of how the west has handled disability in narrative specifically. We basically get about 3-4 stock narratives aimed at abled viewers that attempt to shore up their pre-existing feelings and anxieties about disabiltiy. So these narratives frequently end in cure or death, and not because they want to genuinely explore temporary disability or terminal illness with nuance. Rather because disability treated this way gives abled viewers catharsis and a sense of safety. It allows them to feel pity and the beauty of disability as a metaphor but in the end they are safely reaffirmed in their abled-ness. They're reassured it's not something that they will have to engage with long term. Their emotions and view is prioritized while disability is reduced to a metaphor or plot device (this is so common that disability studies has a term for it: narrative prosthesis).

Unfortunately these narratives have choked out a lot of the space for more naunced depictions of disability both in terms of those who might choose cure and those who might not.

So I think for a lot of disabled western fans at least, we went in with hopes that the show would choose to subvert this, especially after the handling of disability in MLC showed that sensibility. I say this as someone with permanent disabilities, some of which I would cure and others I wouldn't. For me, at least it wasn't that Day got his sight back per se that is troubling but the fact that the show shifted into this tradition of ableist framing and narrative tropes along side this twist at the end of episode 12.

In fact I'd argue that the last section of episode 12 actually is doing work to frame Day as heroic for an abled audience. He's recovered and that's the moment where the romantic relationship is able to be fulfilled. But it also strikes me that Day's sight is revealed through him helping another blind person as a twist. Now, exploring his continued place in the blind community and relationship to blindness would be great, but that did feel like what they did there. To me it read as being aimed at abled viewers. Saying, look, disability is safely out of the picture. It's contained as something you and the protagonist can help with in a heroic way by overcoming "the dilemma", becoming a better person, finding hope, and helping disabled people.

Even in the language used in the final monologues, the show shifts back into the safety of normalcy for abled viewers. But it also caters to this audience by making the metaphors and meaning of the show legible to abled people and what they expect out of disability narratives. Disability and overcoming it becomes a metaphor for second chances, romantic resolution, and a vaguely defined hope. And Mhok's trauma (also a disability) becomes a familiar plot device.

From an ethics perspective I think it's true that we shouldn't demand heroism. We don't need more supercrip narratives, but I don't believe people wanting Day to stay blind always comes from that place, especially for many disabled viewers like myself. A story that placed more emphasis on the nuances of temporary disability and what it means to navigate cure would be great. And we certainly shouldn't be reading or judging real people's individual choices or relationship to disability through narrative.

But I also think we should consider what it means that often a first reaction to seeing people want to choose disability is that it is an ethically fraught position.

This is well put by crip writer Eli Clare in his book Brilliant Imperfections: Grappling with Cure*

"How the world treats people who, in some fashion, choose disability reveals so much....The act of choosing disability in the white Western world is never neutral, simply one choice among many, but rather pathologized, shamed, or sensationalized. In contrast, un-choosing disability is celebrated and framed as a collective imperative" (130)

*highly recommend the book, it's a mix of essays and poetry that ruminate on the complexities of cure

At the same time, we also might want to consider how a narrow focus on choosing disability as the only route to positive representation can do harm in the long run. I think of Jasbir Puar's concept of debility. She notes how western liberal conceptions of disability often exclude those who come to harm for the sake of economic and political "progress." Groups that, as she puts it, neolibral and imperial powers feel they have "the right to maim." Whether that is through direct violence or other forms of harm such as environmental injustice. We need to account for the complex ways that power and violence can be disabling too. In cases like these there are very different ethical implications to asking someone to choose disability.

Last Twilight itself certainly doesn't go into that territory. It perhaps could have with Mhok's trauma but chooses to drop a deeper engagement with that by the end.

I think Last Twilight could've gone in a lot of directions with how it handled disability and the complexity of choosing or un-choosing it. Unfortunately I feel it took the easy ending slipping into tropes that serve mostly abled viewers.

Okay ramble over! Thank you both again for your takes and sparking a conversation here.

Last Twilight, episode 12: final reflections

Wow. It took me all of this past weekend to process this finale, notwithstanding the usual life craziness that has dogged me lately.

Let me preface this whole thing by saying that I'm confused by what I watched. I'd say that, overall -- I actually quite liked this series, and I especially, absolutely ADORED JimmySea, Namtan, and Mark, and their acting. JimmySea kicked major ass, and I really hope they get another big and complicated show to chew on.

I also want to say that between episodes 11 and 12, I felt that I saw uncharacteristic editing clunkiness from Aof Noppharnach and his team that left a lot of necessary emotional and ethical processing on the cutting room floor. I think that's what's ultimately making me feel uneasy about the process of watching this, but -- funnily enough, I'm not nearly as "angry" about the ending as I was with other bad shows that fell apart in their last quarter recently. It was obvious that MhokDay were going to get together.

But I needed to walk a few more steps with them on their journey to that end.

Before I got my eyes on the finale, a few reactions on social media, from Tumblr to Twitter gave me the case of the jibbles. Namely: that the story of Last Twilight would have worked better if Day had stayed blind through the end.

I wasn't really understanding how that construction could work without walking through some sort of ethical minefield.

Now that I've seen the finale -- especially that infamous 4/4 segment -- I understand better what those arguments were saying.

Yet, I'm still dogged by a kind of ethical confusion here. And maybe that was one of the points of this finale, another one of Aof Noppharnach's perhaps now-famous-or-infamous emotionally inconclusive endings.

To me, there are two ethical potholes that this show stumbled on:

1) The ethics WITHIN the fictional piece itself for a character to not depict the process of considering the various fates he might face vis à vis a potentially reversible impairment, and

2) The ethics of a REAL audience ultimately wanting a different outcome for a fictional character to NOT have an impairment reversed.

TL;DR — I don’t think Last Twilight spent enough time having Day consider the permanence or impermanence of the various fates he faced, including permanent blindness. I don’t think the characters, and as such, the audience, spent enough time understanding that a corneal transplant was always going to be Day’s endgame.

Last Twilight was marketed as a show focused on disability, on a man going blind in a society that prioritizes the able-bodied, and how he would adjust to his disability, and of course (this being GMMTV), his falling in love. As fans, we were prepared to receive a whole show about a character with a disability, not as a side pairing, à la Heart and Li Ming in Moonlight Chicken.

It so happened that Day's visual impairment was corneal deterioration -- a condition that could lead to permanent blindness, and thus qualify him for a corneal transplant.

What I'm struggling with is the crux of the ethical dilemma that this show was ALWAYS going to have to deal with: that a corneal impairment of the kind that Day experienced, in the prime of his life, could very well be reversed with surgery, a surgery that has tremendous success rates.

As such -- as we got that clarification in drips throughout the series -- this show was actually not ONLY going to be about the newfound adjustment of a recently-impaired man to an ableist society. It was ALWAYS going to have this door of ANOTHER major change, the reversal of the impairment, just slightly cracked open. I'm not sure that I, as a viewer, was fully prepared for this, even as Night and Mae Mhon spoke about "eye donations" as givens in the middle of the series. I believe the show needed to be much louder, earlier, about the "hope" that Day could "go back" to "living a normal life," instead of framing the high majority of the show around his adjustments to his impairment.

As we went through Day's adjustment to life outside of his room, I believe we needed to hear, FROM DAY HIMSELF, that a corneal transplant was a conclusion that HE believed in, that HE wanted. A failure of this series was that we unfortunately only heard that from his family members, leaving us to only ASSUME that the conclusion of the reversal of his impairment was ALSO Day's intention.

For a story that was very much about an individual's developing agency and self-advocacy: I believe I needed to hear from Day himself that he was good and ready for the final surgery. I only assume that was the case, as I saw his own body and mind in the hospital. But I believe, for dramatic success, that I could have used a basic, "I'm ready," from him, to make segment 4/4 more complete and contextual, against the story of adjustment and resilience we had so far seen before then.

And what a story of adjustment and resilience we had gotten, as Day had established a full career for himself, without Mhok next to him, during one of the time jumps of episode 12.

For my sake, as I process what I watched this weekend, I want to come to grips with what I thought were the major themes of this show, and see if I can come to some sort of sensible conclusion about what happened here.

This show was focused on:

1) the romance between Day and Mhok, 2) Mhok's caretaking and companionship being the lever to help Day out of his room and back into the world from which he had retreated after the onset of his visual impairment, 3) Day slowly learning how to function again in a society that prioritizes the able-bodied vis à vis his visual impairment, 4) Day learning how to self-advocate for himself in the face of those who condescend to him and/or keep him trapped in compassion bias postures,

and more that I'm sure I'm missing, but those are the themes that resonated the most with me.

I think the general feeling on Tumblr is that, save for the romance, that themes 3 and 4 were contradicted out of existence in the face of the sudden flip to the surgery of segment 4/4.

I think not hearing from Day himself that he was ready and willing for the surgery was a lost moment. I don't believe Day was ever acting as if he would choose anything else OTHER than surgery throughout the series. BUT, AT THE SAME TIME: what we had watched prior to 4/4 was his story of adjustment.

My biggest ethical concern here, vis à vis the audience reactions that I've read, is that NO ONE -- in fiction or in real life -- owes me a story of heroism. If there is an individual who has been impaired since birth, or is dealing with a degenerative condition later in their life, and has the opportunity to address or reverse the condition, who am I to say that that individual SHOULD NOT address their condition?

For me, this is huge. I believe this is a huge ethical dilemma that Last Twilight ultimately does not face. I wish this series had been much more centered, earlier on, about the utter REALITY that Day could have his condition reversed by surgery, in words he'd say himself, rather than assumptions made for him, on behalf of his family, who.... I presume were established to be some sort of legal conservators for him, as Mhon continued to be the one to receive eye donation text messages.

(I concede that I don't know if this is a more common set-up for disabled individuals in Thailand, as I would assume in the States, that Day himself would have been the one to receive that message directly.)

For this show to have seemed emotionally and artistically complete: I needed to hear from Day himself that surgery was an endgame that he was banking his hopes on. I also needed to understand, much more statistically clearly vis à vis the show, of the absolute risks that Day faced towards having permanent blindness for the rest of his life. Because the show ALSO needed to focus on the establishment of the romance between Mhok and Day, we missed out on the show taking time to explain to us, the viewers, of the absolute risks that Day faced in any of these scenarios -- and thus, we would have had MUCH more context into the nuances of the resilience that Day needed to establish for himself as he re-adjusted to society, with his numerous fates lying before him.

I'm going to borrow the words of @hallowpen in their final review here, to say that this show at the end needed much more "breathing room." I think @hallowpen is so right in saying it like this, because these two factors that I just laid out, geez -- the first 7/8ths of the series being about Day's social adjustment against the utter suddenness of the successful surgery and his sudden jump back to what's been translated as his "normal life" -- just clash so tonally. (I do wonder if we're getting as nuanced a translation on "normal" as we could be.)

I think this is about the most confused final review of a show that I've written. There is an ethical heaviness to all of this that's weighing on me, that I think I still need time to comb through.

I also feel that I simply do not know enough, by way of my lack of cultural competency into how Thai society approaches issues of public and private health, if Day’s unseen choice to get the surgery would have been a given among majority Thai audiences, AND that majority Thai audiences would not have asked for the kind of internal debates that I think the show could have used.

I feel thrilled that Day can see Poomjai/Mee, after making that wish in episode 11.

But I think, if this show was about a journey for someone to learn how to successfully advocate for his own agency -- that, at the very end, I needed to see that agency exercised, by him, to get to the part of the reversal of the impairment that I assumed he wanted.

Again: Day doesn't owe me his story of heroism. If fiction doesn't want to give me that, from a character with a recent impairment, I don't have the right to ask for it.

But the missing bits of artistry to get me, the viewer, to only an assumption, has led me to surprising ethical places, that will leave me wondering about what happened in this series for a long time.

[ijtsrd]

Soil Classification Using Image Processing and Modified SVM Classifier

Priyanka Dewangan | Vaibhav Dedhe "Soil Classification Using Image Processing and Modified SVM Classifier"

Published in International Journal of Trend in Scientific Research and Development (ijtsrd), ISSN: 2456-6470, Volume-2 | Issue-6 , October 2018,

URL: http://www.ijtsrd.com/papers/ijtsrd18489.pdf

Direct Link: http://www.ijtsrd.com/engineering/electronics-and-communication-engineering/18489/soil-classification-using-image-processing-and-modified-svm-classifier/priyanka-dewangan

call for paper biological science, biological science journal

Recently the use of soil classification has gained more and more importance and recent direction in research works indicates that image classification of images for soil information is the preferred choice. Various methods for image classification have been developed based on different theories or models. In this study, three of these methods Maximum Likelihood classification MLC , Sub pixel classification SP and Support Vector machine SVM are used to classify a soil image into seven soil classes and the results compared. MLC and SVM are hard classification methods but SP is a soft classification. Hardening of soft classifications for accuracy determination leads to loss of information and the accuracy may not necessary represent the strength of class membership. Therefore, in the comparison of the methods, the top 20 compositions per soil class of the SP were used instead. Results from the classification, indicated that output from SP was generally poor although it performs well with soils such as forest that are homogeneous in character. Of the two hard classifiers, SVM gave a better output than MLC. 

[ilgaksu]

fandom trumps hate 2024: bidding has opened! you can now bid! please do that!

i’m doing this again this year, so this is the page to my listing, and i’ve copypasted it below for ease of reading on tumblr! i really loved doing this last year, and you can see what i wrote in 2023 here for @heliological, which ended up being one of my favourite fics of the year. this year, i’m offering for mysterious lotus casebook, all for the game and i am the single-person write-in for dmbj :’)) i really loved doing this last year and i’m really excited about the organisations i’ve chosen for my listing this year, thanks so much for your support <333 the actual listing: ilgaksu Auction 1/1 Organizations this auction benefits: Bellingcat *, Civil Rights Education and Enforcement Center *, Life After Hate, Middle East Children’s Alliance * (See full list. * denotes an organization that accepts international donations.) Type of fanwork: Written fanwork Subtype(s): fan fiction (new) Fandom(s): Mysterious Lotus Casebook, All for the Game, DMBJ (Grave Robber’s Chronicles) - Xu Lei Highest rating: E Length/scope: Less than 5k words. Minimum Bid: $5 Especially interested in: Character Study, Kink, Body Politics Unwilling to address: Terminal illness, rape/non-con, pregnancy, medical settings, development of worsening disability (in the case of MLC I am open to discussion). If the request is for DMBJ, I won’t write Xie Yuchen as anything but a transgender man. Regarding kink, there are some kinks I’m uncomfortable with writing (including ageplay, puppyplay, knifeplay, some involving bodily fluids or extreme body modification, etc) so please be willing to accept that and work with me. I’ll always suggest an alternative if there’s one I veto. Other notes: I’m a big fan of working collaboratively and checking in throughout the process and developing the idea together. I am also happy to continue an existing WIP as my request. I also love writing AUs, so please feel free to request one! Special interests: Poly ships, Trans or nonbinary interpretations of canon characters, Racial or cultural experiences of nonwhite characters, Ambiguous endings auction info: Auctions run from 8:00AM EST, 5 March 2024, to 8:00PM EST, 9 March 2024. Bids before or after this period are invalid and will not be counted. If you would like to bid on this auction: Step 1: Check the bidding spreadsheet to find out what the current high bid is. (Note: It may take up to five minutes for a bid to appear.) Step 2: Fill out the creator's bidding form with a bid that is higher than the current high bid. If you want to make it harder for someone to outbid you, bid higher! We will NOT notify you if someone outbids you. If you would like to track changes to this bidding sheet, select Tools -> Notification Settings. Email notifications may not be immediate, so we do not recommend relying on them near the end of the auction period. Bookmark this sheet so you can check it manually. FTH will only notify you if you are the high bidder after the auctions end. and another link to my page in case you don’t want to scroll back up

[qilingxiong]

for the next year in fic ask game, 6 and 11?

(from this ask game)

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list?

Oh man there's too many and I didn't have a list really, but one fic I very badly want to get to is a Di Feisheng character study in which he gets to speak face to face with A-Fei in some sort of dreamscape, post-canon. I want some closure for him in looking back at who he could've become without the memories he carries now, and I think that one could be hopefully self contained enough for me to actually finish it, once I have time and energy.

11. Would you like to try any new fanfic genres or tropes this year?

I had a fic I started for MLC last year (the life where we let go) that, according to what I have planned if I can continue, is supposed to be a mix of both normal fic and in-story fiction that Li Lianhua/Li Fangxia is writing. I guess that would be something new for me, blending styles like that, along with more of what I did in the prologue/concept scene I posted which was visually writing out Li Fangxia's progress in his novel draft doc. Aside from that, I've been gradually working my way up to writing more and more risque things, here and there. Maybe this will be the year I finally bite the bullet and try my hand at actual smut.

Thanks for the ask!