#missing out on my opportunity to make out with bears year after year Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[sunnibits]

we need to start holding a second pride month in july to accommodate all the adhd gays who didn’t get around to it the first time

[thestayathomedragon]

This thing is so much more massive then I ever thought it would become. You'll have to forgive any mistakes in English and Spanish you may find. As well as any risks I've taken that at the time I thought were worth taking. I don't know when I'll be able to stomach reading this again after fighting with it for weeks now in order to fix anything I missed so I'm sorry in advance.

There are probably some tags that also need to be updated but I'm tired and I just want this posted and done. I'll get to those sooner than later I hope.

Anyway if you're still willing to read this monster of a chapter (11,000+ words) and open to yet another AU I appreciate it. :3

I want to scream "I love you" from the top of my lungs (but I’m afraid that someone else will hear me)

Time is luck and I wish ours overlapped more or for longer…

The first time he laid eyes on Luis again after all these long years, Leon realized just how much he had forgotten about the other man.

He had forgotten what color Luis’s eyes were, smoke gray, and how big and expressive they were. He had forgotten the curve of the man’s jaw and the way the dark curls of his hair fell around his face. The bend of his lips when he smiled. He had even forgotten the sound of his voice, deep and lilting, with just a little hint of a rasp. Probably from those damned cigarettes he had always been so fond of.

It had been a long time. Ten years? But really, who was counting?

Leon also realized pretty quickly that the only thing he truly remembered about Dr. Luis Serra Navarro was how being with him made him feel.

“Hey.” He said softly in greeting and he couldn’t help but cringe internally because he knows these were not his first words to the man.

“Hey…” Pale eyes blinked a few times trying to adjust to the light shining directly into his face. Then Luis smirked and said, “Got a smoke?”

Leon couldn’t help the stupid grin that spread across his face at that. “No… but maybe we can find you one?”

He was already working on cutting Luis loose and as soon as the man was free Leon held his finger up to his mouth and showed him the flash bang tucked in his coat.

Luis looked confused but then his eyes widened in response to something… or someone behind Leon. “Close your eyes.”

The first meeting with Mendez went quite differently this time because Leon was expecting him.

A flash bang in such an enclosed space wasn’t a great plan, but it was the best Leon was able to come up with on the fly. It was, however, enough to incapacitate the big bastard long enough for them to get past him.

Leon rushed Luis up the ladder first and to his surprise the other man stuck around to help him up in kind. They took off together with Mendez not far behind them. Then Leon suddenly remembered the trip wire he disarmed on the way inside and used it to blow their stalker to hell.

“Merida!” Luis wheezed, trying his best to keep up with Leon. Leon made sure to check on him often but then, “Hey, wait!” He heard Luis’s yell but it was too late.

Pain exploded in Leon’s leg, it was nearly enough for him to pass out on the spot. “Fuck!” In his hast and attempt to make sure Luis kept up, he had completely missed that bear trap.

Luis could have kept going, he looked like he was considering it, but instead he cursed under his breath and doubled back for Leon. “You better be worth it, yanqui!” He hissed.

Leon was in too much pain for a quip and Luis was too distracted by his fight to get the bear trap open… Which meant neither of them saw the axe wielding villager until it was too late.

“Luis!”

Leon didn’t feel a thing when Mendez finally caught up to him.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

“You alright?”

He still expected Luis to try and run at the first opportunity, but the man surprised him by sticking around again this time. Leon thought that maybe since Leon hadn’t gotten his ass handed to him in front of the guy by Mendez this time that maybe he trusted him enough to watch his back. They were currently taking shelter in a rundown shack that was more of a storage shed than somewhere someone would actually live.

“Si? You?” Luis’s voice was back to normal. His breathing had evened out.

“Yeah. I’m good. No sweat.”

“So… got a name, Yanqui?”

Leon smirked, “Yeah. Leon Kennedy. You?”

“I’m Luis Serra. Seems you… me… picked the wrong spot to vacation, eh?”

“You could definitely say that.” Leon huffed, chuckling.

It had been ten years since Leon had traversed the village of Valdelobos and that had not been with Luis at his side. The man knew his way around much better than any map Hunnigan could have provided him. The extra fire power had made it much easier to make it through the valley full of “Ganados” as Luis had taken to calling them.  

“I heard chatter about your missing senorita…” Luis whispered after they had successfully ducked and slinked passed some patrolling Ganados “Then later… I saw some of them dragging someone into the old church. It isn’t too far now. That way. But first… we’re gonna need to make a pit stop.”

“We need a key, right?”

Luis looked at him with a raised brow. “Si.” He said slowly. “It should be in the Big Cheese’s house.”

“Big cheese?”

“Si. Very Big Cheese.”

“Oh.” Leon grimaced. Now he remembered.

“That beauty there is our ticket in.” Luis said gesturing to the Eagle Emblem Leon had tucked in his coat. They had been able to snag it on their way through the valley.

They would have to be quick about it.

They were in fact not quick enough about it.

It went almost the way he remembered, only this time the injection Leon had been able to avoid in the old cellar of the Navarro house was revisited upon him in the Mendez home.

“Fuck.” Leon hissed, hand to his neck. “Fuck!”

“Shit! Shit!” Luis panicked, going pale as a sheet as he paced the room. Apparently, after injecting Leon, their hulking assailant no longer saw a point in sticking around.

“Hey, hey! Calm down.”

“No. No, you don’t understand.” Luis hissed and snatched his arm away from him.

“So, take a minute, calm down and explain it to me.”

And so, Luis did.

On the way to the lake, Leon couldn’t help but notice the looks the other man was giving him.  

“Why didn’t you ask me how I knew about the plaga?”

“Huh?”

Luis narrowed his eyes at him.

“Uh, you’re from here, aren’t you?” Leon had been trying not to be too obvious about exactly how much he knew but he was becoming impatient. In his hurry to get through the same nightmares he had already experienced there was no doubt that he had let a few things slip.

Luckily, Luis didn’t press the matter. It wasn’t like they had a lot of time for chitchat while they tried not to be beheaded by a bunch of plaga infested villagers after all.

When they finally made it to the boat and onto the lake, the fight with the giant fish monster or salamander monster, according to Luis, went about as well as it always did.

They made it to the church battered and bruised but with key in hand. And when Leon tried to yell for Ashley, Luis was quick enough to stop him.

“What are you doing?!” He hissed. “You want to tell everyone we’re here or something?”

Leon rolled his eyes. He already knew there wasn’t anyone else here at the moment but kept quiet instead and conceded that the Spaniard may have had a point.

For some reason with Luis there, his first introduction to Ashley Graham went a lot smoother than he remembered.

This time he had to catch Ashley and Luis when they jumped out of the window. He not only learned what Luis’s giggle sounded like right next to his ear, but he and his back also learned that Luis is a lot heavier than he looks.

Having Luis for back up as they fight their way out of the church should have been a boon to their side and it had been up until Ashley slipped on the rain softened ground and the other man went to help her.

Leon turned just in time to see the Molotov burst against Luis’s back.

“Oh shit.” He gasped and it was pure reflex that put that bullet through the head of the bastard that threw it.

But it was no use.

Ashley’s shriek of Luis’s name was the last thing Leon heard.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

This time they weren’t able to avoid ending up in the cabin after they save Ashley from the church.

Although Leon did remember this time that there was a way from Ashley’s hiding place that would allow her to get upstairs to the door outside and unlock it. Which meant that the fight didn’t last nearly as long. Which meant that they got out before the Bull-head guy showed up.

This turned out to be unfortunate for multiple reasons but mostly because during their run from the cabin they crossed paths with the bull-headed bastard on the way to the wooden portcullis-like gate with Ashley having led the way. They are all startled by the appearance of the hulking Ganado, but Luis was fast enough to push Ashley out of the way. However, he was not fast enough to get himself out of the way in time to avoid taking a blow from the bastard’s oversized sledgehammer.

“Oh god! Luis!”

Ashley was still sprawled on the ground where she landed. Leon hesitated for a split second before he returned his attention back to the hammer wielding son of a bitch but it was just enough time for him to be grabbed from behind by a group of Ganados from the cabin.

“Leon!”

He swore he heard the Bull bastard laugh as he swung again.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

“I’m fine. I’m fine!” Luis hissed, pushing Leon away from him. “Tenemos que darnos prisa! Tienen a la princesa!”

Leon could admit that maybe this time he may have been a bit more overprotective of Luis than he should have been. He was so worried about Luis that Ashley had been easily snatched right from under their noses.

“What the hell is wrong with you, yanqui? Don’t you have a job to do?” The other man said before he took off in the direction they had seen Ashley being carried by the village chief Mendez.

Luis was rightfully furious. He had also been risking his life to protect Ashley too after all.

Leon knew that Luis was right. That he had to get his head back into the game before someone took it off. And Leon had every intention of doing so up until there was a flaming barrel of fuel was thrown Luis’s way and he had only a split second to decide what to do.

The choice was a lot easier than it should have been.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

Leon spent days with Luis and it was just as he had always quietly suspected all these years. Luis was the one that had slipped right through his fingers. The one that got away.

Leon tried not to dwell on it every time. He did have a job to do. Ashley was the priority. And he didn’t have to do much to convince himself of that. Of the three of them Ashley was the one that least deserved what was happening to her. And surely, she needed him more than Luis ever had but it didn’t make his failures any easier to stomach. Every time he watched Luis die another part of him went with the other man.

He didn’t even want to consider what happened to Ashley every time he failed her.

So, Leon took these chances and instead of losing his patience with the other man this time he actually listened when Luis talked.  

Leon wanted to know more about Luis, and he knew he had to earn the man’s trust in order for him to do so. Leon learned just how similar they were. Apparently, Luis had lost his family at a young age as well and had also used that as fuel to work his way through school and to the top of his class. And though Leon had never gone to college he had done the same when he joined the police academy.

Apparently, neither of them felt comfortable enough to bring up their history with Umbrella but he could tell that Luis was suspicious of just how much Leon knew about his past.

And where the Leon of the past had been irritable and stand-offish, the Leon of now wasn’t nearly as uptight as he had been during their first meeting. And because of this, this Leon found that he and Luis actually had a similar since of humor. One that apparently consisted solely of dumb puns and corny one liners.

It also did not help that it turned out that they both seemed to have a competitive streak. It had quickly become a competition of sorts to make each other laugh. Ashley didn’t seem to find their brand of humor quite as funny as they did. She called their particular brand of humor ‘dad jokes’ or something like that to which both he and Luis took offense.

Was she calling them old or something?

“I gotta say, you aren’t what I expected when you told me my dad sent you,” Ashley had told him once, giving him a small smile.

“Well, I guess I’ve just been through enough stuff like this to still have a sense of humor about it now.” Leon had shrugged and then ruffled her hair as he walked back to reclaim the lead in their little trio.

“Hey!” Ashley had squawked in outrage and tried to swat his hands away. Leon snickered as he went on his way.

He had started to notice that he and Ashley’s relationship had developed a lot easier this time around and was grateful for it. It made it a lot easier to keep track of her and her confidence seemed to grow a lot quicker than it had before.

“Oye, Sancho! That’s no way to treat a princess!”

Leon nearly tripped over himself the first time Luis called him “Sancho”, his heart squeezing a bit in his chest. When Leon snarked back and called him Don Quixote the other man immediately laughed at him and corrected his pronunciation. Though the smile on Luis’s face had been worth the embarrassment.  

From then on Leon did his best to keep the three of them together as long as he could.

---------

The first time he and Luis kissed was right after the minecart. Leon, high off the adrenaline making him jittery and reckless, just decided to hell with it and went for it. He just grabbed Luis and kissed him.

And to his relief the kiss was enthusiastically returned.

Honestly, it wasn’t actually much of a gamble at this point because if there was one thing Leon had noticed during his extended interactions with Luis was that the man was a terrible flirt. And apparently, had been the entire time, every time. How Leon hadn’t noticed when they first met, he had no idea.

Perhaps it was because he was a lot more attuned to the Spaniard this time. Now it seemed like Leon noticed everything Luis said or did and now it was just so obvious in retrospect.

It was actually kind of funny how oblivious 2004 Leon Kennedy had been versus 2014 Leon.

When they finally broke apart for air they just stood there for a bit, both of them grinning like fools. They stared into each other’s eyes like a pair of love-struck teenagers, their heads pressed together, noses almost touching. It was the happiest Leon had felt in so long that he could almost forget they were still in the depths of an ancient insect mine in the middle of nowhere Spain with Luis Serra of all people.

His therapist would have loved this.

He could hear her now. Something, something, trauma bonding… something, something.

“Mierda, Sancho. If I had known you were like this, I would have tried something hours ago.”

Leon couldn’t help but laugh like an idiot because Luis was pretty fucking cute when he blushed. “Well, now you know, cowboy.”

Leon also learned that while Luis Serra could dish it, he most certainly had a bit of difficulty taking it.

“Don’t go all shy on me now, Quixote.”

And if only Leon had a way to physically capture the way the other man’s eyes lit up in delight at the use of that nickname so he could revisit it over and over again.

Instead, Leon had to make do with a desperate attempt to capture the image into his memory.  

“I have to say… I didn’t expect you to be so receptive to my advances, yanqui.”

Luis was probably right to have been surprised by Leon’s reaction to his advances he supposed. The Leon of 2004 had been a young man forced into a military that had enacted a policy that was unfriendly at best and downright hostile at worse for someone like him. So needless to say, he hadn’t exactly felt encouraged to explore his possible bisexuality back then.

That Leon, forced onto a leash that had been at its tightest at this point in time, would have been very surprised to find out how his older counterpart turned out.

It took a hell of a lot of willpower, but he was finally able to pull himself away from Luis now that he finally had him. But they did still have to make it out of these mines. And Leon still had to make sure that Krauser didn’t get the drop on them and that the man didn’t get a chance to get to Luis.

Not to mention the fact that they still had to find Ashley before it was too late.

Ashley was still the priority. She had to be.

But that didn’t mean there wasn’t something else he could do to ensure Luis made it out of here alive as well. So, before they moved on, Leon was able to convince Luis to take off his jacket and trade it for Leon’s body armor.

Leon argued that if Saddler had sent someone after them this would be the perfect time for them to get the drop on them and he wanted to make sure that Luis was safe.

Luis objected at first of course. Leon was the one that the president sent to save his daughter and he couldn’t do that if he got himself killed because he tried to protect Luis. Leon assured him that he hadn’t gotten this far just because of a vest.

Luis acquiesced but not until he got Leon to agree to wear his jacket.

The fight with Krauser goes a lot differently this time around.

Leon remembered that the son of a bitch was a lot cockier the first time they did this. However, this time the major hadn’t gotten the chance to literally stab Luis in the back first. Now he had to deal with both of them at once. And the Leon he was up against now wasn’t the 27-year-old former rookie the major was accustomed to.

This Leon was a battle-hardened veteran with an additional ten years of experience under his belt.

Leon had insisted that Luis hang back and cover him with his pistol and the Spaniard was just as good of a shot when it really counted as Leon remembered.

He could tell when Krauser realized he wasn’t going to win this fight. When he realized that he couldn’t get in Leon’s head the way he had planned.

“He was after the amber.” Leon had said once Krauser had retreated.

The look on Luis’s face was one of shock and then resignation.

Sometimes, Luis told Leon about his deal with Ada. Sometimes, it never came up. Sometimes Leon ran into Ada. Sometimes he didn’t.

“Don’t ask me how I know.” Leon sighed, this time it never came up. “Just… keep it safe,” turning to the other man and giving him a meaningful look. “Alright?” He knew that Krauser wasn’t the only one who was trying to get their hands on it. And he wanted to make sure that Luis knew it, only breaking eye contact once Luis nodded in agreement.

It was a rare occasion that Luis was speechless, and Leon couldn’t be more grateful that the other man had chosen now to clam up and listen instead.  

“C’mon. Hard mode is just beginning.”

---------

The first time Leon actually looked at himself in a mirror he was surprised by his reflection. He had almost forgotten what he looked like back then and was fascinated by his baby face. A grinning Luis came to stand next to him and he couldn’t help but wonder what Luis would look like in ten years.

Leon gave him a soft look.

“What is it?” Luis asked although the only answer he got from Leon was another quick kiss.

“Nothing.” Leon shrugged.  

They fought Salazar together because Luis wouldn’t let Leon leave him behind, and surprisingly it went a lot smoother than Leon remembered it.

Not only did he give Leon the same taunts as before, but Salazar also now has some for the “traitor” Dr. Serra as well.

Leon found that he was unreasonably curious to hear what the little shit had to say about Luis. Mostly he found that Salazar was obsessed with Saddler, which he was already quite aware of. And that he had taken it upon himself to be upset on Saddler’s behalf that Luis had the nerve to not only reject the plaga but to remove it. Or as Salazar called it, “clawed it out like some rabid animal”.

But what had actually given Leon pause was that Salazar seemed to be particularly outraged that his Lord Saddler had chosen Luis over all his other and decidedly more loyal subjects stand beside him.

And that… was unexpected.

Leon had seen the way Luis’s face as fallen when the mold son of a bitch spit out that particularly jab.

After the fight with Salazar was finally over, Luis looked pale and stricken. And before Leon could ask him…

“It’s nothing. And I don’t want to talk about it.” Luis said. He wouldn’t even look at him. Instead focused on checking his pistol and making sure it was reloaded. With Leon’s vest on he almost looked the part. Almost.

“Uh… okay.” And Leon had to remind himself that there was still so much he never got a chance to learn about Dr. Luis Serra Navarro.

The scar he’d seen on the other man’s chest had taken on a whole new meaning.

Luis had to have been desperate to get that plaga out. Willing to go through unspeakable pain to do so. Not that Leon wouldn’t have also done the very same in a second. But Luis was a scientist, a researcher, not a battle-hardened soldier. For him to choose to put himself through something like that…

Leon felt ill.

---------

Running into Saddler again was an experience. For once this time Luis was with them and it pretty clear that the man was petrified at just the sight of the decrepit bastard.

Which was rather unfortunate since Luis was the only one of them not currently infected with las plagas. Which also meant that he was the only one of them currently not under Saddler control.

“D-don’t. Don’t t-… Luis.” Leon grit his teeth as he tried to fight just to get the words out. That was different. He remembered that he hadn’t been able to speak at all before. Even if it was strained. He still couldn’t move an inch, however.

And poor Ashley was once again standing in front of him… them fighting for her life. And that son of a bitch had his eyes on Luis the whole time. Not even bothering to give he and Ashley his full attention as he put them through hell.

Ashley and Luis.

He had failed them both. Again.

“L-lord Saddler…” Luis had finally found his voice and it sounded just as terrified as the man looked. “Please…” But before he could get a word in…

Leon flinched when the first shot went off. The sound of the disciple standing to the left of him falling was louder somehow. But then things played out a bit differently then Leon remembered because for once… Luis was with them.

“N-no.” Leon hissed.

“Please. S-stop.”

Saddler’s smile was chilling.

“Do you think I don’t know what you’ve done, dear boy?” His eyes were still on Luis. “I can sense it in their blood. You’ve tried to poison them against me. What lies have you told them? What heresy have you spread, ungrateful child?

“I had such great hopes for you, my little lamb. But there are only so many times I can turn the other cheek. You’ve been given chance after chance to learn the error or your ways and still… you persist.”

“Lu-Luis… You n-need to…”

Saddler didn’t even bother to look at Leon as he willed his hold on him even tighter.

“Lord Saddler please… I never meant to…”

The withered old bastard raised a hand and this time both he and Ashley screamed out in pain. Luis fell silent immediately.

“I offered you a most coveted seat by my side and this is what I receive from you in return for my generosity? You… Dr. Serra aiding in the massacre of your own brothers and sisters at the side of these American heretics?”

“I’m not sure,” Luis’s voice was so small. “What you want from me? I’ve already done what you asked.”

“That is true. You have… in part,” Saddler said as he paced around Ashley standing beside her and suddenly the gun in Ashley’s hand moved to point at Luis instead. “But you forget what I desired most of all…”

“N-no… I don’t…”

“Your fealty, Dr. Serra! I require your complete and utter devotion, my child… To our lord of course.”

Shit. No. “Y-yeah… r-right.” Leon wheezed as once again the invisible hold on his chest squeezed tighter. It was clear what Saddler was really after and it was even more stomach churning than Leon could have imagined.

“But that, my dear boy, is something I now see you aren’t capable of. What a pity and such a waste!” Saddled rested a hand upon Ashley’s shoulder. “What is it they say, my child?” The sickly son of a bitch actually chuckled as Ashley’s panicked cries increased, “An eye for an eye?”

“No! Wait!”

The next shot went off and then there was the familiar sound of a fallen body and Leon was helpless to do anything to stop it.

Ashley’s mournful sobs filled the room as all that Leon could do was continue to tremble with rage as all he was able to manage were a few tears of his own.

Leon knew that had Luis had the chance he would have moved to block the next shot. He also knew that even at this range the body armor would have protected them both, no problem.

But Luis did not get that chance. And this time Ashley did not miss.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

They didn’t even make it past the giants this time.

All of Leon’s previous failures had begun to weigh on him. He was tired and desperately trying to ignore the feeling of defeat that loomed on the horizon. He had just gotten the hatch open underneath the first Gigante after he had made sure that Luis was out of the way. But it seemed that they both had miscalculated just how much of a reach one of those bastard’s had even while sinking into a pool of molten ore.

Leon could do nothing at that moment but stare in disbelief as the hatch closed. “O-oh g-god.” He gasped and fell to his knees. “Fuck.”

Unlike Leon, the armored of the two giants didn’t waste any time mourning the death of its partner.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

The mine cart was getting old. Leon knew he was being unreasonably cranky but if Luis had to ride that thing as many times as Leon already had he would understand where Leon was coming from.

But Luis didn’t know what it was like to ride the minecart so many times, because Luis never remembered.

Thank god.

Luis got to live his life over and over again. Completely oblivious of the horrible way he had just died the time before.

Leon, of course, wasn’t so lucky.

Leon also hadn’t been lucky enough to dodge the novistodor that had been hiding to the left of him.

“A little help here!” He hissed as he wrestled with the chittering son of a bitch.

“Now, Sancho what would you do without me, eh?”

The thought alone turned out to be plenty to throw a PTSD ridden Leon off balance enough that he didn’t even see the novistodor intent on taking advantage of Luis’s vulnerable back until it was too late.

“Luis! On your six!”

“Eh?” Luis yelped as he was practically tackled by the giant insect.  

Leon’s struggle increased in his panic to get to the other man in time. Finally, he was able to dispatch it with a blade through its eye just in time to hear Luis’s panicked screams reach a fever pitch.

Leon turned over just in time to watch as not one but two of the monstrous bugs tore into Luis, tearing him apart right before his eyes.

The other man’s screams stopped abruptly, leaving only the sound of the insects as they fed and the sound of Leon’s harsh breathing echoing throughout the cavern.

Leon wasn’t sure what killed him this time, but he had a good idea.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

Leon knew he had been acting strangely this run.

He knew that he had been a lot more paranoid and overbearing than usual. Protective of Luis in ways he had never been in the past. And somehow Luis seemed to know he was not quite himself.

Luis, unable to see that Leon was only trying to look out for him, grumbled more than once that what Leon had actually been doing was treating him like a child instead of trusting him as his partner in this.

Luis argued that he was just as serious about helping Ashley as Leon was and Leon would see that if he, “Saca la cabeza del culo para que puedas oírme.”

Leon didn’t know what that meant, his Spanish was regrettably not as good as it used to be due to disuse, but by the context of their argument and the look on Luis’s face it couldn’t have been complimentary.

“Watch your mouth, amigo.” Leon hissed.

“You’re kidding.” Luis snorted in response and shook his head. “Lo que sea, amigo.”

Their ongoing argument eventually came to a head when they lost Ashley to one of Salazar’s bug bastard bodyguards. Each of them then turned their frustrations with each other onto the hapless cultists that dared stand in their way.

Leon had been able to avoid getting infected this time, so the plan was to grab the stashed vails of suppressant and the amber sample, then get Ashley and head straight to Luis’s lab.

Hours later, covered in sweat and other such bodily fluids, the two of them clumsily stumbled into some long forgotten sitting room, the furniture covered in a thick layer of dust. They were all over each other, practically attached at the lips like two dimwitted and horny teenagers.

Adrenaline pumped through their veins and made them dizzy and dumb with lust.

“This the sort of shit you’re into eh, yanqui?” Luis sneered at him. “Your government training screw up your wiring or something? Es cierto?”  

Leon answered by shoving the Spaniard down onto an ancient-looking sofa. A plume of dust erupting into the air.

“C’mon then, querido. You can tell me. I don’t judge.” Luis’s snickered and only served to grate on Leon’s nerves even more. He’d forgotten how irritating this asshole could be in his obsession with saving his life.

“Do you ever shut up?” Leon growled before shoving at Luis’s shoulders and following him down, clambering onto him to straddle his narrow hips.

“Why don’t you give me a reason to, yanqui?”

Insufferable. But Leon was grateful for the distraction. Having Luis in his arms again like this after so many failed runs had made Leon feel things. Things he didn’t think Luis was ready for. As far as Luis was concerned, the two of them had only known each other for less than a day, so he knew that there was no way that Luis felt the same. And Leon could accept that. The other man just wanted to have a good time.  

But even still, Luis’s stupid little giggle had cracked Leon’s heart wide open and he was helpless against the flood of emotions that brought.

“H-hey… Gimme some space, eh Sancho?” Luis’s chuckled, his face flushed adorably. If Leon didn’t know any better, he might have thought the other man looked nervous. Luis grumbled at him as he wiggled out of his jacket.

His white dress shirt had already come loose out of his jeans and had ridden up to expose a wide strip of the tanned skin and the thick dark hair spread over his belly.

He looked up at Leon from beneath unfairly long eyelashes and bit down on his swollen bottom lip. “You just gonna stare,” his voice was low and smokey, “Or are you gonna help me out here?”

Luis arched his hips up enough to dislodge Leon from his waist pushing the other man back enough to reach his own belt and unbutton his jeans.

“Whatever,” Leon snorted gracelessly before grabbing a hand full of the other man’s jeans. He tugged them off with enough force to nearly pull Luis off the sofa with them, leaving Luis in just his wrinkled, filthy dress shirt and boxer briefs.

Luis cackled and flailed around for anything to hold on to. “A little rough don’t you think?”

“Oh, you don’t like it rough?” Leon asked, eyes roaming over all the newly uncovered skin now on display. And he might have been a little impatient. It had been a while even by his standards and even then, none of them even came close to Luis Serra Navarro.

“Could have fooled me. Fuck… You’re gorgeous.” Leon said out loud before he could stop himself and Luis just could not resist preening for him.

It was more than obvious that Luis knew just how attractive he was. He had never been particularly shy about it. And at that moment, he just laid there, sprawled underneath Leon. Watching him with dark eyes as Leon fumbled with belts and clasps, pouches, and holsters like a loser, all while he leisurely stroked himself off. Snickering at Leon, who might have been a little distracted and a little frustrated with one particular strap that had decided to be difficult.

Leon rolled his eyes and tugged hard enough to hear a ripping sound. He sighed. To be fair when this version of Leon Kennedy had gotten dressed this morning it had been for a mission and not for… well… this.

“You okay there, cowboy? Need some help?” Luis seemed sincere enough, even if there was laughter in his voice.

“Nah, I got it. You just keeping laying there and looking pretty.”

“Oh, that I can definitely do.”

Leon had the feeling that Luis would have given him a mock salute if his hands weren’t already preoccupied.

Finally, he got the damn thing loose and tossed it. “Some help you’d’ve been anyway.”

“Hmm… I do have another one ya know.” He said raising the hand he’d had resting behind his head for show.

“Yeah, well…” Leon’s voice was muffled by the end of one of his fingerless gloves that he was currently using his mouth to pull off.

“C’mon, Sancho!” Luis growled in a way that could almost pass for a whine. The Spaniard apparently had grown impatient with Leon’s quiet contemplation of his hip bones. “Are you trying to torture me? We don’t have all night.”

Leon looked down at him, really looked at him, taking him all in.  

It felt silly to even think it but, Luis truly was a dream come true.

One that he was willing to fight tooth and nail for, no matter how many times it took.

“Por el amor de Dios, Sancho…” Luis, ever impatient, wrapped one of his long legs around Leon’s waist. He used his foot at the small of Leon’s back to pull him forward so he could grab a handful of blond hair and tug him down for a kiss.

And then he gracelessly shoved his other hand down the front of Leon’s now open pants, into his underwear and wrapped those long fingers around him. Leon groaned loudly into the other man’s mouth, his hips twitching forward on reflex.

Leon struggled to push his own pants down his thighs before he wrapped both of his arms around Luis and pulled him impossibly closer trying to press every inch of their skin that he could together. They both moaned in unison. Luis adding something in Spanish that Leon’s muddled brain couldn’t be trusted to translate so another groan was all he could muster in return.

Luis, just as loud and expressive as he was with anything else, answered back with another groan of his own.

Leon knew the Leon of 2004 wouldn’t have had a clue what to do with the beautiful and very willing man underneath him. Leon was not proud of the man he’d been back then. He knows that Luis had been right to be wary of flirting with him.

It had taken years to untangle that particular fucked up mess of anxiety and self-loathing the military had left him in.

The Leon S. Kennedy of 2004 would have been too freaked out by the fact that there was another dick so close to his own to do anything worthwhile about it. But luckily for both of them, the Leon of 2014 was now fucked up in a new and more interesting ways and now had no time to entertain such bullshit. Which meant that now he had more than enough experience in that department. He was well over his bi-panic phase and was seated quite comfortably into his bi-disaster phase.

And now that he had another chance and an even younger body to use to his advantage and he was not going to waste it.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t nearly enough time to do all the things to Luis that he had been dreaming of. And this certainly was not his ideal venue for such a thing anyhow. There was also no time for any meaningful preparation. They would have their first time together but for now they would have to make do with the borrowed time and space they had.

“Oh f-fuck, Luis!” Leon groaned into the crook of Luis’s throat, shuddering at the spark of pleasure that shot up his spine when Luis rolled his hips up against his just so.

If he were honest, there wasn’t enough time for any of this. But after everything he had gone through, everything he had seen Luis go through, he wasn’t about to pass up this opportunity. If Luis was willing to risk it then so was he.

Luis babbled something low in Spanish that Leon was still in no mental state to translate, whimpered right next to his ear and it was like the sound vibrated down Leon’s spine and right to his dick. He was already leaking a crazy between them and this only made even wetter. It was more of a blessing than a curse however, seeing as they probably weren’t within a hundred miles of any proper lubricant.

Every slip and slide of their skin was electric and addicting. Every increasingly desperate sound he was able to pull out of Luis only made him want more.

“Joder. Por favor... eres tan buena. Estoy tan cerca, cariño.” Ended with a whine that Luis would probably never admit to Leon would be playing on repeat in his mind for years to come.

“God, you’re so fucking hot.” Leon slurs the words, rocking his hips back into Luis’s in time, their cocks slipping against each other perfectly. He had to admit that the Spanish, the accent was really doing it for him. He was practically drooling against the side of Luis’s neck before latching on to spot right underneath his chin dragging his teeth a bit before sinking in.

The other man giggled in response to the praise and it was simultaneously the most ridiculous and most endearing thing Leon had ever heard.

And well, that was Luis Serra Navarro in a nutshell, wasn’t it?

That thought only made Leon hold on to him even tighter.

When Luis came it was with the softest, most fragile sound Leon had ever heard.

And Leon was an absolute mess for this man, twitching and cursing through his own orgasm not a but a few moments later.

As they laid practically on top of each other on a sofa that definitely was not big enough for two grown men of their stature and panted against each other’s sweat damp skin, Leon couldn’t help but try and catalogue every moment of what they had just done together.

Okay, maybe he was more than a little obsessed.

Curled into Luis’s side, Leon watched as the bastard smoked leisurely. His thick, dark hair was wild, a few sweat soaked strands framed his handsome face, eyes closed and long, lashes fluttered against high cheek bones. The Spaniard looked the epitome of vice and debauchery and Leon adored him for it.

He knew in that moment that he had done the right thing coming back here again… and again… and again. Damn the risks. Leon would burn the whole world to the ground if it meant he got to keep this beautiful man. If he got to have him for the rest of his life, he would do anything.

And wasn’t that a dangerous revelation.

Just how far was he willing to go?

They could just leave now. They could find a boat. Leave this place together. No Ada. No… Ashley.

No Ashley.

Leon couldn’t lie and say he hadn’t ever considered it.

What if that was the solution? What if that was the only way to make this work?

He wasn’t infected. Luis wasn’t infected. They were free. They could just go.

They didn’t even have to go back to the States. They could go anywhere. Change their names. Start over.

Leon had made plenty of unsavory connections in his time as a lapdog for the government. It wouldn’t be difficult.

“Leave the girl. She’s lost no matter what.”

Luis even told him about the amber this time. Maybe they could even get Ada to help. It wasn’t like Leon didn’t know how all of this was going to play out anyway. He had lived it many times already. One way or another Ada would get the amber, maybe at least this time Leon could get something out of it.

Before all of this, he had missed Luis sure, but he had barely known the other man. The despair of never having gotten the chance had been enough for him to risk his life over and over again just to try and save him. But now that he did know Luis, Leon could not fathom what lengths he wasn’t willing to go to get what he wanted.

He had lived years past this point in his life already. He knew that there wasn’t anything to look forward to if he continued down the same path.

Leon cuddled even closer to the warm body lying next to him and buried his nose into the other man’s hair. Underneath the smell of sweat and smoke he could smell a lingering hint of the other man’s cologne and it calmed his hectic thoughts.

Even if Leon could somehow stomach the idea of leaving Ashley here on her own to fend for herself until they realized that Leon was gone and sent someone else to try and save her, there was the matter of convincing Luis to go along with it. And wasn’t saving Ashley the reason Luis was even here with him right now? Luis could have left them both high and dry hours ago. Found Ada and left with her with neither of them none the wiser.

But he had stayed. Because it was the right thing to do. Or… as Leon had heard him say many, many times by now…

“I just want to feel good about myself. Make amends. Something like that.”

“En qué estás pensando, mi vida?” Luis didn’t even bother to open his eyes when he offered Leon a pull from his half-spent cigarette. To which Leon answered with a curious quirk of his eyebrow before he took the man up on his offer. “Puedo sentirte pensando desde aquí.”“Qué crees que estoy pensando?” Leon asked bravely after he exhaled curls of smoke into the air above them, laughter in his voice. Luis always teased him mercilessly about his accent. Although lately he’d had nothing but time to practice. Luis naturally became his unwitting teacher whenever he was tired, or upset, or excited.  

“Creo que estás pensando en mí, por supuesto.”

Leon just hummed as he traced gentle patterns into the soft dark hair on Luis’s stomach. The other man shuttered delicately against him, and Leon couldn’t remember ever having felt so content in this life. It was pretty ironic considering where they were.

Luis squirmed again. Ticklish then. Leon filed this information away for another time. But at that moment, he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Luis was. It was like years had melted off of him. Leaving behind a man that Leon had only gotten small glimpses of before from behind tired eyes and feigned bravado.

This was the Luis that the man hadn’t gotten the chance to be. Here was a man still obvious of all the ways Leon had failed him and probably would fail him again until he finally got it right.

Would Luis forgive him if he knew what he was considering?

They had spent so much time together now that Leon already knew the answer.

Nonetheless, this was the first time they had gotten this far. Leon couldn’t help but feel hopeful that his time might work out. That he would finally figure it out. A way to save both Ashely and Luis.

“You think I’m gonna give up that easy?”

“I’m going to get you out of here, Luis.” And Leon was proud of the way his voice had not cracked there. “You and Ashley.”

Mist gray eyes blinked open, a contented smile on the handsome face. “Damn.”

Leon’s face fell and confusion took over. “What is it?”

“It’s… it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Luis said all of sudden he looked bashful.

“Nothing, huh? I just made a bold declaration. A grand gesture.” Okay, maybe it was more of a grand promise of a grand gesture. “Don’t get all shy on me now, Don Quixote.”

Luis’s eyes lit up like the moon on a clear night. “Don… Oh, my sweet Sancho. Now I know for sure that I want to keep you.”

Leon chuckled, realizing that though this was not the first time either of them had used such pet names for each other, neither of them had ever said them like this.

“How could you know so well the key to my heart, querido?” Luis’s hand on the back of Leon’s neck pulled him in so he could kissed him deeply. “You’ve done it now.” Luis kissed him again. “Now you’ll never be rid of me.”

Leon smiled into yet another kiss, “Promises. Promises.”  

“Hey, does this make me like one of your Bond girls?”

Leon choked on his laughter, “What?”

God, Leon hoped he was right.

---------

Krauser’s knife had cut through Luis’s belly like butter. And the sound that came out of Leon’s mouth was one that isn’t even recognizable to him as being human.

The bitterness of his failure and despair consumed him as he watched Luis stumble in a daze as he tried and failed to hold onto his own innards. Krauser, more considerate than Leon ever remembered him being, was kind enough to let Leon watch as his partner fell to his knees and coughed up a mouthful of blood so dark it almost looked black in the low light of the cavern.

“Sloppy!” The major growled and Leon was still so stunned and horrified by the sight in front of him that he didn’t even notice when his own throat was slit.

Krauser tutted before he sauntered away with his prize. “What a disappointment.”

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

When Leon finally does kill Krauser, Luis held him as he cried.

The victory and sorrow was short lived, however. Because less than an hour later Leon found himself on his back as he slowly bled out into the dirt, his fingers going numb as they stubbornly held on to Luis’s limp hand. A plan for what he would do differently next time was already taking shape in his fading mind.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

“Hey, hey! Luis! Talk to me! What are we looking at?”

“I… uh…

“Hey, look at me. I’m right here. You’re not alone, alright. Not anymore. We’re partners, yeah?”

“Partners?” Luis looked surprised, confused. Shit. Luis was bleeding from his hairline from a wound on his head. Leon couldn’t even remember if they had even talked about being partners this run. Did they even go to the cabin this time?

“Yeah. And I need my partner right now. Run me the plan again. From the top.”

And he did. He even only slurred his words a little. Only slipped between English and Spanish a couple of times but Leon had gotten it for the most part.

Now, Leon lay there on the ground, his laughter near hysterical. He was bleeding from a wound that would eventually kill him. Fuck it all. Luis’s plan had actually worked. Or it would have worked if Leon hadn’t fucked it up.

“Sh-shit.” He wheezed. “Luis? Fuck. Luis!”

“Fuck. I’m sorry. I’m s-sorry.”

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

One minute he was ushering Ashley through yet another wooden door, the next he was being flung through the air. The only other sign he got that something had gone oh so wrong was the sound of Luis’s choked off yelp of surprise and Ashley’s scream.

“Oh…shit! Luis?” Leon crawled to the edge of the cliff. “You gotta be kidding.” Voice cracking in a mixture of exhaustion and defeat. He wasn’t even able to see down far enough to find him.

“Leon!”

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

They were on their way to the chief’s house when they realized that they weren’t going to be able to outrun the bastard with the chainsaw. But Luis was the one who got clipped by him this time. All because Leon was too slow to reload his shotgun.

In a frustrated rage, Leon unloaded every round he had into the bastard’s face though in end it did nothing to bring his partner back. Instead, all it did was leave him completely out of ammo by the time group of Ganados out for his blood caught up to him.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

This time they were separated by the explosion in the town square and for some reason the bell tower fell in between them.

And that just didn’t make sense.

This had never happened before, and Leon just couldn’t understand how it could have happened.

They had done this dance so many times now that they were almost in sync. What had they done differently this time? What had he said to make Luis think it was a good idea to walk just that few feet to the right without him?

He could rack his brain all he wanted but in the end all he could do was listen as the pack of infested wolves finally caught up to Luis on the other side.

Digging his hands into his dust covered hair, Leon sobbed out in defeat. Then he took a calming breath and then another before he found a spot on the ground to sit and calmly wait for his turn.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

"Ay, Dios… Ay, Dios… Mierda! Lo siento, lo siento mucho, mi amor."

“It’s o-okay. H-hey it’s okay, Luis. I’ll… I’m gonna c-come back for you, okay. I’ll… I’ll come back.”

“Leon?”

“J-just wait for me… please…” “Ay, Dios! No, no... Por favor, no. Q-que voy a h-hacer...”

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

Luis shouldn’t have even been down here. The Verdugo was supposed to have been his fight.

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

Leon had lost count of how many times he had done this by now. How many times he had found himself stood in this very room. Usually, he was with Luis, but they had been separated by bad luck. Salazar had Ashley. Leon was just so frustrated that he knew he had become extra snappy.

He had done this dance with Ada before. It was one of his clearest memories of Spain. Seeing the woman again after six years of nightmares and regrets. Leon really hated how attached he could get to people who never gave a shit about him in the first place.

He could only hope that Luis would turn out to be different.

But right now, he was tired and because of that he had been sloppy.

Ada hissed when his knife sliced into her arm. And Leon is shocked by the sight of her blood on his blade. It’s not the first time he’s seen her bleed, but it is the first time he was the one responsible for it.

“Fuck.” He sheathed his combat knife and is already moving toward her to help before he can think that his help may not be wanted at all.

But Ada made that clear with the gun pointed at his chest and the look of surprise she made a poor attempt at hiding with a scowl.

“Not a bad move. Real smooth.” She still had her gun trained on him though, her eyes hard. He can see that her arm is still slowly bleeding. At least the cut wasn’t deep enough for serious damage then. He wasn’t going for the kill after all, but he had never meant to hurt her either.

“Let me…”

“I’m fine.” She looked embarrassed if he were being honest.

He had been very much in his own head since he lost Ashley and lost track of Luis. Fighting on auto pilot. It was dangerous and stupid he knew it but he was so thoroughly compromised and Ada seemed to just know that something was up with him.

Her script was the same, however. She tells him to leave Ashley. But what he wasn’t expecting was when she told him that she knew about him and Luis.

Leon was too shocked to convincingly deny it and she just looked at him with something like pity in her eyes. She tried to convince him that Luis was trouble and that he couldn’t be trusted. That Leon should get away from him while he still could.

Which was rich coming from her.

“You’re kidding, right? You’re telling me not to trust someone?”

“I would know, wouldn’t I?” She said, grunting when he wiped away the blood to reveal the cut underneath. She had finally given in and let him try and patch her up. His way of apologizing and her way of getting close enough to him to speak right into his ear her poison against whatever spell she believed Luis had put him under.

“I know about him working for Umbrella… Just like you did.”

She doesn’t look surprised at that. It was old news after all.  

Leon scoffs. “I’m well beyond that.”

Ada sniffed and sized him up. “I suppose you are.” She gave him a look and now he knew for sure that she knew. “That’s a shame. Still the same Leon S. Kennedy I know and…”

They both still when they hear footsteps on the other side of the door. Leon would know them anywhere and Ada didn’t seem concerned once she took note of Leon’s reaction.

“Sancho? You in here?”

Ada give him her usual mysterious and cryptic non-goodbye just in time for Luis to find Leon alone.

“Hey, c’mon I know where they took our princess.”

They made it all the way to Saddler only this time Luis died in the sanctuary mere feet from his laboratory.

Ada made her appearance too late to stop it from happening and Leon couldn’t help but wonder if that had been a case of unfortunate timing or a part of her plan all along. Not that it really mattered anymore now.

This time when she yelled for him to move, he didn’t. She would just have to watch this time as Saddler ends him too.  

[You Are Dead. Reload Save? Quit?]

[Quit]

“What?”

“What the fuck…”

He stumbles out of the machine. Catching himself on the slick stainless steel. He stands there for a moment, staring at his hands. His vision is blurring, there are tears in his eyes.

“Leon?”

It was Salazar this time. Luis had pushed him, but he hadn’t been fast enough to get himself out of the way in time. The moldy son of a bitch just wouldn’t give Leon the chance to get near enough to Luis to try and stop the bleeding.

“I need to go back,” he says quietly. “Send me back.”

“Wait. No. I’m not just going to keep…”

“Send me back!”

The doctor gives him a stern look. “I said. No.”

“Every time! Every fucking time!” Leon stops and takes a breath, then another and runs his hands through his already messy hair. “Every time he dies it’s because of me.”

The face of the woman standing in front of him is unreadable. She is quiet for a moment before finally speaking again.

“If that’s true, what do you plan to do to change that, huh?”

Leon looks back at her like she had just said something vulgar.

“If he’s just going to keep…”

“I have to go back.” Leon pleads. “Dr. Dawson, listen if I just…”

“Leon… I can’t just keep sending you back. I told you… this technology isn’t exactly well tested. You shouldn’t even be here. I shouldn’t even be here!”

“Well, think of this as your tests. I’ll keep being your guinea pig… or lab rat or what the fuck ever. You got a waiver for me to sign or something?”

“What am I supposed to tell the DSO when this goes wrong? Huh? Because it’s going to go wrong, Leon. I mean look at you. You’re barely keeping it together as is!”

“Please. I’m this close to figuring it out. I know it.”

“What if there is no figuring it out. What if… what if he’s supposed to die?”

Leon’s eyes were bloodshot, red rimmed and sunken into dark circles. He looked haggard and completely hollowed out. Like he was already a bottle in and half way though another. He was so tired he was even slurring his words.

The two of them had been at this for quite some time. And there was no telling how long he had been spending back there every time before he came back.

“No. No he’s not.” He is not proud of the way his voice cracks then but he’s too desperate for pride now. “The only reason he…” He licks pointlessly at dry, cracked lips. “The only reason he didn’t make it was because he was trying to help me.”

“And that’s supposed to change somehow?”

“I won’t let him this time.”

“You said it yourself! You already tried that! And every time he…”

“It’ll work this time!” Leon yells. “It has to.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t care about me!” Leon said.

“What about Ashley?”

He pauses at that, blues eyes widen like he had been slapped.

“I… I can’t do this.” He hisses from between grit teeth. “I can’t keep doing this. Living like this.” Leon slumps down into a chair nearby, his head in his hands. “It’s… it’s not fair.” His shoulders are shaking, he’s trying not to be obvious about it but it’s clear he’s crying. “You don’t understand… h-how fucking miserable this is.” He growled the words, spitting venom, his hand clenched in front of him. “To have to keep feeling like… this! To be this close…”

She sighs and takes a seat in front of him.

“So… you’re just going to trade Ashley for him?” She asks, already knowing the answer. “Because you told me that Doctor Serra was the only reason you and Ashley Graham made it out of Spain in the first place. If he doesn’t help, then… Then what?”

“I… I know what to do now. I can just…”

“Okay.” She said leaning back in her chair, spreading her hands as if to say ‘go on’. “What’s the plan, Agent Kennedy?”

The silence that spread between them tells her all she needs to know.

“Leon…”  

“What do you want me to say? What do I need to do to convince you, huh? I’ll do it.”

“Well, you could actually listen to me for starters.”

The look on his face isn’t enough to deter her.

“I never told you why I started all this in the first place, did I?” She says, purposely not looking right at him. “You’re not the only one who’s lost people, y’know.”

Leon looks up at her, sniffling.

“I tried too. And tried. And tried. And tried.”

Another tear escapes those big, sad blue eyes and rolls down into the stubble on his chin. It truly does hurt her to have to do this. She had hoped that maybe he could have succeeded where she had not. But now she see how much more damage she’s done, and she wishes she could take it all back. She’s let this go on much too long. She feels sick with what she’s done. Dangled hope in front of a desperate man, only to snatch it away again.

Still, maybe she could at least do this much.

“It was no use. There was always something I didn’t see until it was too late.” She shrugged. “It was like… no matter what I did, it was always going to happen. The only thing I did was watch her die over and over again in new and more fucked up ways. I just made it worse every time.”

“No.” Leon shook his head. “NO. Just because you couldn’t do it doesn’t mean…”

“I’m not going to keep doing this to you, Leon. I’m not sending you back again!”

Leon pushes up from his chair so fast she doesn’t even have time to register that his hands are now balled up in the lapels of her lab coat, her feet dangling inches off the ground.

“Sh-shit! Leon!” She has somehow let herself forget just how tall and intimidating the government special agent was.

“I’m not asking.” He growls, spittle spraying her face. “I’m a fucking… government s-sanctioned k-killing machine. What is the point of all of that shit… they put me through if I can’t even save one person that’s important to me for once?”

“Leon…” She says slowly reaching up to grip one of his wrists. “I know… I know it hurts. So much sometimes that you can’t breathe, right? But…”

“He’s saved my life over and over again and I can’t even save him once?” His grip on her falters, her feet once again on the ground. “He’s just a fucking scientist. I’m the soldier. What’s the point then, huh?” He gestures to the machine. “What’s even the point of this if you can’t use it to change anything?”

“Maybe… that is the point… that there isn’t a point. Or a reason. It just is.” She shrugs. Or as much as she can in his grip. “I couldn’t watch her die again. And… I don’t think you can do it again either.”

They’re in a standoff. Neither one of them is willing to back down.

“He wouldn’t want you to do this.” She says finally.

“How do you know what the hell he’d want?” He said finally releasing her with undo force, she stumbles back only a step. A frown on her face. She’d been reckless. She had read his profile. But she hadn’t been allowed access to his psyche evals. She understood why but still she shouldn’t have gone through with this.

“Because if he’s done half the things you said he has, then I know enough.”

She watches something change behind his eyes then. And suddenly, without saying another word, he leaves.

“Leon! I’m sorry!” The knot in her stomach gets heavier.

That wasn’t the look of a man that was willing to let go of anything.

---------

It was either the neighborhood bar or home and since Leon wasn’t exactly in the mood to be seen by anyone right now, home it was.

It’s just after midnight when he stumbles into his apartment and goes to the bathroom to wash his face. He feels like shit and looks like shit according to his fingerprint smudged, toothpaste splattered bathroom mirror.

“Just another day in the exciting life of special agent Leon S. Kennedy.” He snorts and goes to take off his fingerless gloves and stops cold. He looks at his hand in shock.

There is a silver ring resting on his ring finger.

He blinks at it dumbly.

---------

“Nervous habit?” He nodded toward Luis’s hands, where the other man was absently twisting one of the rings on his finger.

Luis’s laugh was nervous one. He had been caught. “You noticed, eh?”

Leon chuckled softly. “Only a bit.”

“It helps.”

“Oh?”

“You should give it a try.” Luis smiled at him, and something grew warm low in his belly at the sight. He really shouldn’t have been entertaining this, but he was a weak man.

“Here.” Luis said and reached for his hand. Leon allowed it and watched as Luis slipped one of his rings onto his finger. “There. Now we both have one.” He could tell that Luis was trying to appear suave and nonchalant but the blush that was dark enough to be seen on his deep tanned skin was more than a bit telling.

Leon remembered thinking, “This guy can’t be serious.”

---------

Back in Leon’s cramped bathroom in front of his dirty mirror, he is trembling with emotion. He twists the ring gently on his finger and stares at it with blurring eyes. The first sob of many breaks through pushes through.

How is this possible?

“What’s the point if nothing ever changes?”

What is there between us, if not a little annihilation?

[yabai-korra]

The reasons why we're getting Manorian book

There has been a lot of speculation whether SJM is going to favor us with book/novella about Manon Blackbeak and Dorian Havilliard, recently I saw some fans doubting it, so here's a list of logical reasons why it's happening.

1. It's SJM

This woman writes two 500+ pages books per year, for her it would be a piece of cake.

2. There have already been books focused on side characters

a) Chaol and Yrene - Chaol was one of the most unpopular characters before Tower of Dawn (which made me love him hehe) and she still wrote a 600+ pages long book about him, just imagine what she'd do with the most popular character (Manon) and one of the most popular ones (Dorian).

b) Nesta and Cassian - this is ship is the closest to Manorian equivalent in ACOTAR series, aka starting from a physical relationship that develops into a sentimental one. Also 6th ACOTAR book will be focused on a new characters (most probably Elain)

3. Favoritism

SJM has talked multiple times about her love for these two. When asked about her favorite TOG character, she said Aelin, but Manon was a close second place and she said that she absolutely loves writing her.

In another interview, when asked who she would go on a book tour with and a few similar questions, she answered Dorian.

Now, I haven't seen all of her interviews ever and I'm not sure how much she loves Nessian and Cahorene (seems to love Nessian a hella lot tho), but it's definite that Manorian are some of her favorite characters and it's just logical that she would write about them.

4. Unfinished story/Unresolved feelings

Ships at the end of TOG:

Rowaelin - married

Elorcan - engaged

Lysaedion - engaged

Chaorene - married with a baby on the way

Nestaq - engaged

Manorian - hug and "we'll see"

All the ships basically got engaged in the last chapter (it's not like I didn't like it hehe) and their stories, romantic-wise, were pretty much finished and they have no unresolved tension between them. Manorian on the other hand, have enough of it for all the ships lol.

KOA spoilers ahead!

Keep in mind, Manorian relationship was mostly a sexual one, and they don't quite yet have a way of communicating their feelings properly. So there is a lot of unaddressed between them, even though they obviously care a lot about each other.

The unresolved things between Manon and Dorian:

"“And if I asked you to stay?” / “I’d need a very convincing reason, I suppose.” / “Because I don’t want you to go.” - they just fucked and Dorian left for Morath later, which impacted Manon a lot but they haven't discussed it

"I even care about you." - Manon got up and left

"There is only one witch who will be my queen." - Manon doesn't know about this

Manon saved Dorian from Valg demon even when Aelin couldn't. It was the worst thing to happen to Dorian and he still bears scars from it, yet he didn't have an appropriate situation to thank Manon for it

Dorian knows that Erawan lusted after Manon, which got him pissed of course, and he didn't have a chance nor time to ask Manon about it. It might be nothing, but if I were Dorain and my girlfriend who doesn't show feelings was locked up with a crazy guy who has a thing for her, and have seen the way he treats women, I'd be concerned. Erawan was a Valg king, a tough opponent even for Manon. If he had done something to her, and he had plenty of means and opportunities and wish to do so, Manon would never openly tell anyone (maybe Asterin) about it, because it would imply opening up and being weak, which is Manon's worst fear. Again, SJM, as the Queen of Foreshadowing, wouldn't just randomly throw in the main villain having a thing for an important character, everything in her books always has a meaning and purpose.

"Would you miss me if I didn't [come back]?" - Manon didn't reply

This is how SJM described Manorian marriage: "She would be his wife, his queen. She was already his equal, his match, mirror in so many ways. And with their union, the world would know it." - and you're telling me it's not deserving of its own book? Not just that, Manon asked Dorian for marriage and they, again, just had sex, with Dorian loving the idea but deep down knowing that Manon would feel caged in a marriage. And that attitude won't just change out of the blue. It takes time and development which is something SJM writes amazingly.

With the Thirteen gone, beside Abraxos Dorian is the only creature Manon cares about.

Dorian's mortality (although as you'll see in point #6 I'm sure he's not human)

The dreaded "You could just marry each other." / "We'll see." (Thanks Yrene :)

5. Foreshadowing

Listen here, SJM IS THE QUEEN OF FORESHADOWING. She thought of a detail (Dorian's dad's name) in the first book that would matter in the last book. Of course, there are many many many more examples of that, but if we got "We'll see." then we'll fucking see it happen.

6. Unresolved things about Manon and Dorian as individual characters.

Manon and Dorian and both pretty broken at the end of KOA.

Manon lost the Thirteen, the only people she cared about. That is a huge trauma that needs to be addressed, especially with someone so reluctant to show feelings and heal like Manon.

Dorian can't be human?? He has fae abilities due to his relation to Gavin and Elena even though he's not even called a demi-fae. He possesses powers no one else does, phantom hands for example, which he didn't steal like shape-shifting. And Maeve pointed out that due to his father being possessed by Valg when Dorian was sired, it's possible he got some of the Valg abilities. (Also she said that he's stronger than Aelin) The main villain, especially written by Queen of Foreshadowing, wouldn't just let drop it there and that's it. Also not to mention Dorian's own struggle with depression and self-worth.

They have both just become rulers of their kingdoms, completely new to it. Dorian has spent a big part of KOA imagining what kind of a king he wants to be (one that will have a witch queen hehe) and it was a major point of his character. And addition to that affecting them as characters, the future of Adarlan and Witch Kingdom could make a good plotline.

7. Other TOG characters

Although pretty much all the readers would die to see Chaorene baby, Lorcan in Perranth, Aelin and Rowan ruling Terrasen, Lysandra and Adeion officially adopting Evangeline, Nesryn and Sartaq becoming Khagan and Empress of Antica, all of these don't make enough of a plot on its own. They are great side-plots.

We know all of these characters love each other and are happy together, there isn't that much to be added to their personal stories other than kids. (same way Feyre and Rhys got a baby in Nessian book) Manorian however, they haven't even kissed without it leading to sex, they hugged at the end of KOA and it was the pique of their relationship. Their relationship is merely at the beginning, whereas others have pretty much reached their ultimatum (ofc SJM can decide to add some drama with betrayal, kidnapping, pregnancy etc. but for now everyone is good and settled beside Manorian)

Not to mention the way other relationships would affect them. Chaol, Dorian's brother, and Yrene, Manon's wannabe bestie and Manorian shipper, would bring their baby to meet his/her uncle Dorian and aunt Manon, and imagine Manon with a baby lol.

SJM loves Aelin and other characters way too much not to give us an insight on them as married couples, but since her books are huge and it's her, it needs a plot with drama, addressing traumas, repressed feelings, worldbuilding, and sex, and Manorian's got all of that.

8. Abraxos

We need more Abraxos, that's just a fact.

Wow that was a long one. Anyways, in conclusion, we're getting that Manorian book. Pretty sure it's gonna a book rather than a novella (TOD was also planned as a novella but then guess what) because there is just SO MUCH possible content.

[samstree]

and the wolf was nowhere to be found (1/3)

In which Jaskier chooses to lie, until he can no longer tell the truth.

(lying spell/potion, cursed jaskier, geralt apologizes, post mountain, miscommunication, rated teen, read on AO3)

A big thanks to @wanderlust-t and @a-kind-of-merry-war for the prompt! <3

The reverse trope series: [1] [2] [3] [4]

“You are gonna run after him again, just like that? Don’t you remember what he did to you? What you went through?”

Essi leans against the doorframe, her arms crossed in front of her chest, watching as Jaskier packs a second bag.

“Come one, poppet. Geralt was having a hard time back then, and now he’s come all the way to Oxenfurt to apologize.

“So what?”

“So I’m forgiving him.”

She grumbles a few rude words regarding the witcher’s lineage.

“Hey! That’s not nice.”

“And this is way too easy! Why can’t you see a disaster waiting to happen until it hits you in the face?” Essi exclaims. “Do you know what I would have done? I would make him grovel! Give him the cold shoulder. Or…or at least play it cool for a while longer so he knows not to take you for granted again! Sorry, but I’m…not like you.”

“Um…excuse you. I am plenty cool!”

“There’s nothing cool about being utterly in love and then getting cast aside over and over again, Jaskier. You know that.”

Jaskier sighs, walks to Essi and pulls her into a tight hug, all his scattered doublets ignored.

“I’m going to be okay,” he tries to tuck her curls away from her eyes but fails.

“Are you?” When she pulls back, there’s something inscrutable in those blue eyes, the curtain of blonde hair obscuring her emotions. “When you came down from the mountain, the way you couldn’t even … I don’t know. I just need to make sure it won’t happen again.”

“It—” Jaskier opens his mouth to make an easy promise, but finds the words choking in his throat. “I, um—”

Essi squeezes him on the shoulder. “He’s apologized, profusely from what you told me, and he’s being nice now. He will certainly be nice for a while, but what happens after he wins you back? What’s preventing him from hurting you again?”

Jaskier has no answers for her, so he resorts to giving her another hug.

“At least, think about my cold shoulder tactic. Sometimes people need the reminder, just so they know what they can easily lose.”

“Essi—”

“Think about it.”

She presses a small kiss on Jaskier’s cheek and leaves him to his packing. Outside the window comes the familiar sound of Roache’s hooves, clicking against the cobblestone.

Jaskier straightens his tunic and lets out a heave. He can see Geralt is being good now, friendly even, after all these years of denying their friendship. Now, the witcher is even waiting downstairs to begin their next journey.

Essi is just being overly protective, Jaskier decides.

He winds down the stairs and finds Geralt cooing at Roach. The urge to melt in those golden amber eyes is overwhelming.

“We good?” Geralt takes Jaskier’s bags and secures them on Roach, side by side with his saddlebags.

“Good,” Jaskier lies.

 ---

The truth is, Jaskier has heard of this so-called “cold shoulder” tactic. He’s even contemplated it for longer than he’s willing to admit. Every time Geralt dismissed him as a friend, brushed him off, Jaskier couldn’t help but want to retaliate with equal measure.

What if he’s the one to give Geralt a time-out? What if when Geralt tells him to fuck off, he just…leaves? The same idea churned in Jaskier’s stomach for two decades, but in the end, he knows the answer—he can never bring himself to go through it. His feet would carry him back to Geralt before even taking a step away.

He was left anyway.

But now…

Jaskier can’t afford to be left again. Essi was right. He isn’t sure if he can pick himself up again. He barely managed it the first time.

Jaskier lets out an audible scoff as he comes to the realization. He’s going to do it. The cold shoulder tactic. It’s so cheesy that it feels like something only school girls would use to get attention from a crush. Keep your distance, string him along a little. That’s how you get him to notice you exist—

“Something funny?” Geralt turns on horseback, sunlight peaking through his silver hair, a curious frown between his brows. He’s towering, beautiful. He has always been the most beautiful person Jaskier knows, even if he doesn’t know it.

Jaskier strums an absent chord on his lute. “Just something Essi said.”

“Hmm.” Geralt nudges Roach forward. “I was thinking… You’ve never seen a basilisk, have you?”

“No?”

“There are rumors about a nest in the next town. Want to see it?”

A hint of smile hints at Geralt’s lips, and Jaskier’s heart almost leaps out of his throat. A basilisk hunt is one he’s been dying to watch for years, if not decades. He’s drooling with excitement just thinking about the ballad that will certainly sweep the continent off its feet.

“Of course I want—" The sentence stops in its tracks. Jaskier bites his tongue to hide the slip. “You know what, I think I’ll stay in town. This new song needs some polishing before its debut. I’m sure a big witcher such as yourself doesn’t need a bard’s moral support for a meager basilisk, right?”

Jaskier adds a wink for good measure, but Geralt is not amused. He’s staring from his vantage point, his expression inexplicable. Is it really so shocking that Jaskier will turn Geralt down this once, after all this time?

“I understand.” Geralt pauses before continuing, almost too carefully. “Perhaps I can help? Sing it for me tonight?”

“Sing it…for you?” Jaskier asks, dumbfounded. The lute in his hands suddenly feels a lot weightier than it is.

“You wanted my review for so long, Jaskier. I’m giving it to you now. I’m sure your playing will be…nice.”

Geralt looks at him with hope in his eyes, and Jaskier can’t help but let his ego grow a little. It’s unbelievable that a simple refusal is what got Geralt to finally say anything positive about his music. The tiny triumph fills his chest with unexpected giddiness.

“Maybe I will. We shall see,” he replies. His fingers strike another chord.

Jaskier feels a spring in his steps, urging him forward to the mare’s steady gait. Golden amber eyes are burning a hole into his back, but he doesn’t dare to look back lest the tiny bubble of this perfect moment break.

 ---

Night falls, and Jaskier scribbles down another line. The door opens and Geralt drags his feet into their shared room.

Jaskier makes no effort to get up.

Once upon a time, he would have raced across the room to greet Geralt, checked for injuries and fussed over any scrapes and cuts, all the while getting dismissed with the witcher’s grumbled words. He’d help remove those heavy armors when Geralt’s muscles ache from exhaustion and get ichor all over himself.

He will not do that tonight.

Play it cool, Essi’s words echo in his memory. Right, he’s doing things differently now.

Jaskier fixes his gaze on the notebook in his lap and listens as Geralt shuffles around the room, putting everything back in place. One by one, his armor pieces drop in the corner of the room.

“How was it?” he asks with the most nonchalant tone as if he’s just noticed the other man’s existence.

“Fine. The basilisk’s dead.”

“Hmm.”

Jaskier chooses the single hum uncharacteristically as Geralt puts his swords against the doorframe and sits down on the single chair.

He’s so still, hovering even.

“What?” Jaskier finally looks at him. Geralt, as he claimed, looks fine, with only a smudge of a black ichor sticking to his hair. A frown appears between his brows.

Adorable.

Jaskier shakes the thought quickly.

“Your new song?” Geralt prompts.

“Oh yeah. Never mind. I don’t feel like singing.”

It’s another lie. A necessary one, Jaskier tells himself.

“You,” Geralt says, raising an eyebrow, “don’t feel like singing?”

Jaskier clutches the notebook to his chest almost defensively, not sure what to do with the accusation. Is it a tragedy that Geralt knows him like the back of his hand? Or is it a shame that Jaskier is indeed buzzing with excitement to test out this song, with the most important person in his life?

“Well, I don’t.”

Jaskier keeps his chin up and scrambles off the bed to put away his books and pens. Geralt’s intent gaze is on his back again.

“Twenty years, and I’ve never known you to turn down an opportunity to sing.”

“I guess you don’t know me that well,” Jaskier bites back with a force that seems to come out of nowhere. “The bard may not want to entertain all the time, darling.”

The endearment sounds false, more like a jab. He lets out a dry chuckle and hopes to ease the tension but to no avail. Geralt’s eyes are wide with surprise. So Jaskier reaches for his bedroll as a distraction, but only serves to make the confusion deepen on Geralt’s face.

“What are you doing?”

Jaskier lays it by the fire, on the soft rug that magically seems clean enough. It should be self-explanatory, but apparently not because Geralt is still staring quizzically.

“Sleeping.”

Geralt looks at the double bed and then back at Jaskier. “On the floor?”

“Thought I’d give you the space. I know how keyed up you are after the potions.”

Jaskier can feel his heart pounding in his chest, the nervous energy buzzing as more words he doesn’t mean comes out of his mouth. He crosses his legs on the bedroll and pulls the blanket onto his lap to hide from Geralt’s scrutiny. But then, something dawns on Geralt’s face.

“Jaskier…” Geralt rubs his forehead, his face pinched. “What I said in Oxenfurt, I meant it.”

“You do?”

“You can count on me now. It won’t be like…before.”

Their gazes meet, and Jaskier bears the intensity of it with everything he has. He feels bare, seen through by the amber gold he’s missed and cursed and loved so much.

“I’m here, and I’m all here, Jaskier. Please believe in me.”

“I do.”

It’s not the truth despite how much he wants to believe it. Jaskier wonders if lying to Geralt ever becomes easier.

He doesn’t know what is not convincing him. Geralt looks so genuine, and Jaskier wants more than anything to trust him again, but the smile on his face feels too stiff.

The plan is going as Jaskier wanted. He’s showing Geralt that his friendship doesn’t come freely anymore, and the witcher needs to make more effort, meet him halfway, somehow. Then how come as the quiet night creeps in, Jaskier only finds a hollow space in his chest?

The roaring fire in the hearth warms his back, but Jaskier clutches his blanket tighter. It can’t stave off the coldness left by the lack of a witcher’s body by his side.

 ---

Jaskier continues with the same scheme the next day.

Ignoring Geralt is not a difficult task in the beginning. The barmaid is a beautiful thing, doe-eyed and curious, has too many questions for her own good. She keeps asking about Jaskier’s ballads, and wouldn’t quite believe any crazy stories in them.

“Is it true that the White Wolf fought a sea serpent on the Skellige Isles? Surely, those creatures only exist in legends!”

She’s getting familiar, pressed up against Jaskier on the bench, almost pushing him back into Geralt’s side—the real subject of the topic, but it’s obvious her fascination lies only in Jaskier. Her brown eyes stay on the bard alone.

“Why don’t we find somewhere more private and I’ll tell you all about it?”

“Is it a good one? It must be a heroic tale, isn’t it?”

“Heroic, of course. There’s also a twist. I won’t spoil it for you, but—” Jaskier winks, his fingers brushing past her wrist. “—it’s a love story that holds more heartbreak than you can bear.”

Her giggles are like soft wind chimes, and Jaskier guides her away from their table. He takes two steps and turns back, smacking himself on the head as if he’s only just thought of it.

“Oh, shoot! I know I promised to go the market with you, Geralt, but you see…” He gestures to the girl waiting expectantly in the near distance. There’s nothing I can do about it, he says with a shrug. “Have a good time, will you?”

Geralt is holding his tankard, his knuckles white and his face ice-cold. It’s like Jaskier is looking at one of those ice sculptures made by Oxenfurt’s art students every winter.

“You said you’d come.”

Geralt’s voice is so gentle, so full of dejection that Jaskier’s resolve almost breaks. He clears his throat and darts his eyes elsewhere. Those acting coaches back in school would have been disappointed in him for letting his emotions peak through, but Geralt doesn’t seem to notice what’s underneath this front.

“Surely you can find a new bridle for Roach by yourself,” Jaskier waves his hand in dismissal. “You are a big witcher.”

Geralt opens his mouth and closes it, before speaking again. “And the pastry shop you wanted to visit?”

Jaskier thinks of the lemon cakes he’s been itching to try and swallows the yearning in his throat. Gods, being with Geralt all day with not a care in the world, and with the best sweets on the continent. What is he doing turning all this down?

“Well,” he insists, “Better company comes before cake, my dear.”

With that, Geralt lets go of the topic. His amber eyes drop back to the half-finished ale. “Better company. I see…”

“Surely you understand, Geralt.”

“Just—” Geralt purses his lips in an attempt at a smile. “Don’t exaggerate too much.”

Jaskier should feel bad as he walks out the tavern door with a beauty on his arm, he should, but instead, a pang of anger rises in his throat. How many times did Geralt abandon him at the sight of Yennefer in the past few years? How long did he brood on top of that mountain, recounting every bad choice he’d made in his life and decided that it was all Jaskier’s doing?

For once, Jaskier doesn’t want to put Geralt first in everything, waiting for a bone thrown in his direction, and the witcher—this infuriating man—is going to act like a kicked puppy.

Horrified at this burning rage, Jaskier turns only to watch helplessly as Geralt walks down the street in the opposite direction. He’s planted to the spot, unable to chase Geralt down, and clueless as to whether this plan is doing him any favors other than the fleeting satisfaction of getting back at his friend who was at fault.

Was.

Geralt was at fault. Jaskier has forgiven him, or at least, that’s what he said at first sight of his witcher’s travel-weary face back in Oxenfurt.

And yet, he’s punishing him still.

The barmaid is still waiting for Jaskier’s stories, her cheeks still round with a timid blush and her eyes gleaming with expectations.

The colorful adventures taste stale on his tongue and she loses interest too quickly before returning to her post. His mood sours further as the day stretches on.

Jaskier ends up wandering around town without an aim in mind. The only place he’s carefully avoiding is the market, and the stable, and the smith’s shop. Anywhere he might bump into Geralt. When night draws in, a sudden downpour catches him off guard and drenches him from inside out.

Great. Just the perfect ending to the worst—well, the second worst day of Jaskier’s life.

Candles are still lit as Jaskier enters the room. He finds Geralt fast asleep already, and on the table, right next to his writing supplies, is a lemon cake.

It’s drizzled in honey and looks just as enticing as he imagined.

Jaskier picks it up and finds a lump forming in his throat, choking him with guilt. He wants to scream, to let out the frustration at all the mistakes made in the past and haunting him still. He wants to cry. It’s just…

Now, he doesn’t know if he still deserves to.

---

Okay, I know I'm being mean to Geralt here, but don't worry, I’ gonna be mean to Jaskier in the next one ;) 

Also, whatever Jaskier is doing here is very unhealthy. Don't try this at home.

Tagging: @rockysstupidity @flowercrown-bard​ @alllthequeenshorses @mothmanismyuncle @percy-jackson-is-sexy- @constantlytiredpigeon @behonesthowsmysinging @kitcatkim3

Please feel free to tell me if you want to be removed or added to the list <3

[tyongxnct]

𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 - 𝘭𝘦𝘦 𝘫𝘦𝘯𝘰

masterlist

pairing: Jeno x reader 

special guest: Jaemin, Mark

summary: You were dating Lee Jeno, the one and only Lee Jeno from NCT and after years together, you got pregnant. Your parents kicked you out but Jeno promised to stay with you forever and he asked you to marry him. Your son’s almost one year old now and you and Jeno are fighting most of the time. One day, Jeno explodes and leaves you heartbroken and alone. But no matter what, you are his first and last love.

genre: angst, fluff? idol!au marriage!au

word count: 4.4k

A/N: I tried to proofread but I’m still sorry If there are any errors. I hope you enjoy this! I have a couple of fics planned and I can’t wait to share them! 

© tyongxnct on all platforms

“Stop being so fucking clingy!”, he shouted.

“Clingy? You think I’m clingy? News flash Jeno, I don’t have anyone except you. I’m sorry If I’m being clingy, but I can’t call someone to hang out because there’s no one!”, you yelled back.

“Oh come on, don’t act like you’re the victim here. Everything’s your fault! Did I ask you to get pregnant?! I’ve almost lost everything! Everything! I almost lost my job, my fans. My fucking perfect life. I lost my fucking opportunity to make a solo album! You fucking destroyed my career!”, Jeno looked at you furiously, he closed his eyes as he tried to calm down, but it didn’t help. Jeno felt this way for a long time now and finally, he exploded.

Jeno never talked to you like that. You’ve been together for almost three years now and he was always sweet and he never, not even once, yelled at you. His outburst right now really scared and hurt you. You started to doubt your decision to keep your baby and stay with Jeno. Did you really destroy his life like that?

“I’m.. sorry.”, you really were. You were sorry that you took everything from him, his life, his fans, just his whole career. “Yeah, sorry doesn’t fix this.”, he snapped and turned around, he was about to leave but your son, who was barely one year old, started crying and yelling as he heard his father shouting at you. “Here we go again! Why the fuck is he crying again?! My head’s going to explode that baby just never stops crying!”, you had enough. He can yell at you as much as he wants, but he can’t talk to your baby like that.

“’That baby’ is your son and If you can’t bear his crying then leave! He wouldn’t be crying If you weren’t an asshole who just yells and yells, so just leave!”, you picked up your son from his crib and patted his back to calm him down.

“You know what? Fuck you!”, Jeno shouted at you one last time before he left you alone with your baby in the living room of the apartment you shared. Jeno went back to the dorm, back to his members. He couldn’t stay with you any minute longer.

When you found out that you were pregnant, you were scared and you knew that everything would change, you could lose Jeno, or you could lose the little life in your belly.

Jeno promised to stay with you forever- through thick and thin. He’d be by your side no matter what, he didn’t care about the company or about his family. It was just about you, him, and your baby.

Jeno stayed with you and he even asked you to marry him, and you did. Just you, your baby, and his members, because you had no one else, but it was enough for you. You didn’t need anybody else.

Your parents kicked you out, they looked at you like you were a disease when you told them that you were pregnant with Jeno’s child. You were just 22 and having a child before marriage was a big no go for your family, you were a disgrace for them. They never wanted to see you again, and you had no siblings who could help you go through this fight with your parents. You were all alone now, and that was alright because you had Jeno, the love of your life, the father of your child.

When Jeno told the company that you were pregnant, they told him to stop promoting with NCT and focus on you and your baby. At first, that was alright for him, he was happy that they didn’t kick him out or anything like that. He would spent his time with you and in the first months of your pregnancy, they allowed him to work on his solo album, and it was perfect, until they told him to stop working completely until the baby was born. Fans lost interest in Jeno and they hated on you, they were really cruel and Jeno tried his best to cheer you up but you could see the sadness in his eyes, not only because you were getting hate, but because he couldn’t do what he loved the most. He had to stop being an Idol for quite a long time. After your baby was born, you asked him to stay a little longer with you before he could focus on being an Idol again. You were scared, it was your first-time taking care of someone who wasn’t you, a tiny little baby who looked so fragile in your hands and it scared you. You were scared of being a mother, scared of making mistakes and scared of losing Jeno.

He always assured you that it was alright, that he would give up everything just to be with you, you believed him, until he started to act weird. He’d ignore you and he was just grumpy, but you started to fight more frequently and now he let out all of his anger and left you alone.

You were an overthinker and right now you were devastated, your heart hurt, and you hated and blamed yourself. Did you really destroy Jeno’s life like that? You thought about it, all night long, because Jeno was still gone.

As soon as Jeno left your apartment, he felt a knife stabbing his heart. Jeno drove as fast as he could to the dorms, he needed to talk someone. Someone who wasn’t you or a little baby.

When Jeno arrived, he knocked on the door and it was Mark who opened the door. “Hyung what are you doing here?”, Jeno asked him. “I just wanted to visit the others. What are you doing here? Where’s (Y/N)? And little Minho? I missed- Jeno are you alright?”, before Mark could finish his sentence, Jeno broke out in tears. “H-Hyung…”, he covered his face with his hands and cried.

Mark pulled him gently inside and looked at him with concern in his eyes. “Hey what’s wrong? D-did something happen to them?”

“No, it’s just- I fucked up.”, he was ashamed of himself. He couldn’t even face Mark. “I really f-fucked up.”

“Hey, calm down. Drink some water.”, Mark guided Jeno to the kitchen and gave him a bottle of water. The bottle was empty in 3 seconds and Jeno tried to breath calmly.

“Now tell me what happened.”, Mark sat down next to Jeno, Jisung and Chenle were out and Renjun was at wayv’s dorm. It was only Jaemin and Mark there. “Yo Jeno Lee what are you doing here?”, Jaemin entered the kitchen and greeted his friend. “Why is everyone asking me that? Am I not allowed to visit?”, he asked annoyed.

“You can but you have to bring Minho with you. Oh yeah, and (Y/n) of course.”, he sat down next to Mark and Jeno and looked at Jeno’s red eyes. “Wait, did you cry?”

“I- “, Jeno didn’t know how to explain the whole situation. “You?”, Jaemin said. “I said some things to (Y/N).”, he whispered. “Things like?”, Mark slowly asked. “I told her that she’s being… clingy and that she, uhm, that she destroyed my life- something like that.”, he mumbled as he looked down to his hands in embarrassment.

“You did what?”, Jaemin asked in disbelief. “I told her that she’s clingy and that she destroyed my career and that I almost lost everything because of her. And then Minho started crying and I yelled and then she told me to leave. I said fuck you and left.”, the tears were falling down his cheeks again. Realizing how harsh and cruel he was broke his heart. The words that left his mouth, they were horrible, and you didn’t deserve them.

“Wow, that’s- wow.”, Mark never thought that Jeno was able to get angry at you, let alone say such things. “Did you mean it?”, Jaemin murmured. “No! No I don’t know why I said that- I just said it and I was so angry, and I just wanted to hurt her.”, Jeno loved you so much, even If he didn’t mean it, he hurt you and he didn’t know what to do now. “She told me that she has no one and I know that it’s true, but I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore.”

“Look, you are here- talking to us whereas she’s at home with a little baby, all alone. We can’t really tell you what to do because we don’t know what’s going on in that head of yours, but I can tell you that you should be with her and not us. We know how much you love each other, you shouldn’t run away after a fight like that. You hurt her and I don’t think it’s going to be easy to make her forgive you, I’m telling you this as your leader, but as your hyung I’m telling you that we are always here for you.”, Mark explained Jeno what he thought about the whole situation and Jeno knew that he was right. “Y-You’re right. She’s always alone and I have you guys and my parents, of course she wants to be with me all the time- fuck I’m so stupid.”, Jeno admitted.

“Yeah you are.”, Jaemin agreed.

It was past midnight and Minho was fast asleep, the baby monitor showed you every move he made, and you tried to sleep, but you couldn’t fall asleep- the events of the night still haunting you. It’s been hours since Jeno left and you didn’t stop crying. You were doubting yourself and your relationship and you had no one to talk to. A little baby couldn’t help you, you were all alone. The voice in your head told you to disappear, to leave Jeno so he can be happy and life his Idol life to the fullest. It hurt, to think that he didn’t want you or your child.

You heard the front door open and close as you turned your back to face the wall. You tried to keep your tears to yourself, tried to stop whimpering, but your head hurt from all the crying.

Jeno slowly opened the door to Minho’s room, quietly checking on his sleeping son. He closed the door again and entered your bedroom. The room was dark, he switched on the lamp on his nightstand. Jeno knew you were awake, you couldn’t fall asleep without him next to you, which annoyed him before but after your fight, he hoped that you’d be awake and waited for him.

Jeno reached for your exposed shoulder, the rest of your body was under the blanket, but you slightly flinched away. “Don’t touch me.”

It hurt Jeno, but he had no right to be hurt. After all the things he told you, after leaving you alone and after being an asshole, he didn’t deserve to touch you.

“C-Can we talk?”, he stuttered.

“Aren’t you done telling me how annoying I am?”, you were so angry after he tried to touch you as if nothing happened. “Don’t say that. You are not annoying.”

You didn’t say anything. He let out the breath he was holding and talked again. “I love you. You are the best thing that happened to me. You and Minho, you are my family and everything I need in life. I don’t care about the other things. I don’t need a solo album or fans- You were always my biggest fan and that is enough for me.”, how could you believe him now? After all the other things he had told you?

“I don’t believe any of your words right now. You don’t have to explain yourself. I got it.”, you were still facing the wall.

“Babe, please. What I said earlier, I was just angry at myself and I let it out on you, and I know you didn’t deserve it, you don’t deserve being treated like that, and I’m sorry. You have to believe me…”, he couldn’t stop his tears from falling, so he just let them drop on your blanket.

“I want to sleep. Turn off the light.”, you ignored his words and closed your eyes. Even with Jeno on your side, you knew you wouldn’t sleep tonight.

“I love you.”, Jeno whispered. He changed his clothes, turned off the light and got under the blanket, you were right next to him, but it felt like you were far, far away. It’s hard to reach you after what he had done to you, but Jeno would do anything to make you believe him again.

It took you so long to actually fall asleep, that you slept almost until 1 pm. You woke up slowly but as soon as you realized that it was that late, you jumped up. You had to feed Minho, you had to change his diapers, you had to- when you entered Minho’s room you saw Jeno changing his diapers. You watched him as he talked to your son.

“I love you so much, you know that right? You may be a little tiny, cute baby, but you can see that I love you more than anything, and that I love your mother. She’s perfect. You have her genes. Your way too perfect to be like me. Well, except your eyes. You have my eyes. But it suits you better than me. I look stupid, you look cute.”, Jeno talked and he didn’t notice you watching him. “We have to be really quiet. Mommy is still sleep- “, before Jeno could finish his sentence, Minho saw you and laughed happily. He tried to reach for you and Jeno turned around to see you. “Oh you are awake already.”

You didn’t answer him, you just took Minho and left the room. Jeno trailing after you like a lost puppy. “Are you hungry? I can make you waffles If you want to? Or anything else?”

“Did Minho eat?”, you asked blankly.

“Yes. I can make pancakes If you- “

“Jeno why are you home?”, you kissed Minho’s chubby cheeks after you asked him that. “W-What do you mean?”, he was scared of the answer. When you told him to leave yesterday, you didn’t mean forever, right?

“Don’t you have any practice or, I don’t know, concert or radio show or just anything to do?”, you spoke coldly.

“N-No not today, I have no schedule for today, I thought maybe, I don’t know, we could go to the park or- “, you looked up at lifted your hand to stop him from talking. “Let me stop you right there, I don’t know If you lost you memory or anything, but I don’t want you around. I want to be alone.”

It was the first time you told him to leave you, well, the second time, but this time it was different. You were still hurt and angry, the wound is still fresh, nothing healed over night and the way he acted to you, it boiled your anger even more. “I don’t want any pancakes or quality time with you. I don’t want to act like a happy family when you are clearly forcing yourself. I get it, go and do music or dance, just don’t act like yesterday didn’t happen.”, your voice was still calm, you didn’t want to scare Minho. But the calm way you talked, scared Jeno. There was no emotion on your face, just pain in your eyes. You put Minho to the crib in the living room.

“Please, what can I do for you to forgive me? Do you want me to go down on my knees?”, he kneeled down and looked you in the eyes. “I’m begging you, please forgive me.”

“Jeno stop it.”

“Do you want me to stop being an Idol? I’ll do it. I’ll leave NCT If you want me to.”

“Jeno! You are doing it again. Our relationship has nothing to do with your job. I don’t want you to choose between your family and your work. I want you to talk to me, to tell me If something is bugging you. I want you to be happy because your happiness is my happiness, you are everything I have. But If you don’t want me, tell me, and don’t let me suffer here. If you stopped loving me, tell me! Tell me to leave and never come back If you aren’t happy anymore.”, you started crying again, you don’t want to fight for Jeno’s love anymore. You are not strong enough to go through pain every day because he stopped loving you.

“No don’t think that, please.”, Jeno got up and held your head between his hands. “You are my world. I don’t need anything. I just need you and Minho. I could never stop loving you. I don’t want you to think that, please, don’t ever think again that I stopped loving you.”, with his thumb, he brushed the tears away, which were falling down your cheeks. You were crying and he was, too.

After that, you could see Jeno trying, but you couldn’t forget his words that easily. It’s been two weeks since your big fight and your heart still hurt. Jeno tried everything to make you forgive him, but every time you looked at him, you could hear his voice in your head, telling you that you were annoying and that you destroyed everything he worked hard for.

“Baby, please. It’s been two weeks. Are you never going to forgive me? Please tell me, what do you want me to do? I’d do anything for you.”, Jeno turned in bed to you, but he only see your back. You always slept with your back to him, you avoided his presence as much as you could.

“Let’s not talk about that, I’m tired.”

“You are perfect. I don’t deserve you, but it hurts so much that you’re avoiding me. Please just look at me.”, he begged you, his voice almost breaking.

You turned around and looked at him. You missed him so much, but you felt like a big burden. Maybe you should stop acting like that and forgive him. He’s preparing for a new comeback, he needs you.

“All I can think about is you. Whatever I’m doing, It’s always you. I can’t focus on practice because I just want to leave and come home to you.”, he slowly cupped your cheek with one hand. You let him because you missed him so much.  

Jeno slowly caressed your skin with his thumb and looked you deep in the eyes.

“Can I kiss you?”, you’ve been together for so many years and he didn’t even ask you the first time he had kissed you, years ago, but now he did. He was scared you’d push him away, but you didn’t.

You slowly nodded and he leaned in and placed his lips on yours. God, how much you missed Jeno and his lips. The kiss was slow, and you could feel how much he longed for you. How much he missed you.

You could taste his salty tears on your lips as he deepened the kiss. Jeno gently pulled away as he looked at you. “I love- “, before he could finish, Minho started crying and interrupted you two. “You can go to sleep, I’ll go check on him.”, Jeno pecked your lips.

The next day, you woke up without Jeno by your side. It’s a Sunday, Jeno was always home on Sunday’s. You got up and checked out the whole apartment for your baby and husband, but none of them were there.

Not even a single note was left. You called him, but he didn’t answer the call. You got a little worried, but not even a minute later, you got a text from him.

From: my love

I’m in the park with Minho, I thought you should rest a little. I love you.

That’s what Jeno told you, but actually he was somewhere else.

Jeno visited your parents, he was determined, to safe your relationship with your parents. He was angry, angry that they treated you like that. He didn’t care If they hated him, but hating you, his own wife, and their only child. Jeno couldn’t let that pass.

Now he was standing in front of their house, with Minho in his arms.

“You’re going to meet your grandparents now.”, he kissed Minho’s forehead, his tiny son was looking at him and not getting anything his dad was saying.

He rang the ball, and it was your mother who opened the door. “How can I help y- “, her voice broke as soon as she recognized Jeno standing there with Minho in his arms.

Her eyes got teary and her mind created the worst scenarios in her head. “J-Jeno? Did- Did something happen to her?”, she was so scared to hear his next words.

“So you do care about your daughter?”, he asked.

“Of course I care about my daughter. Please tell me that nothing happened to her.”, she whispered the last words.

“(Y/n) is fine. Well, as fine as you can be without your parents. I am here because I need to stop this, whatever this is. My wife didn’t deserve the way you treated her.”, Jeno said.

“Honey who is- What is he doing here?!”, your fathers voice raised as he saw Jeno standing there. But as he saw Minho in his hands, his eyes widened.

“This is your grandson. Minho. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me and (Y/n). We love him so much and it was the best decision to keep him. It wasn’t even a decision, there was never another option. Your daughter is still heartbroken because her parents kicked her out. Why? Because of a miracle named Minho. I want you to stop treating your daughter, my whole family, like something bad. She’s your only daughter and this is your only grandson. You can hate me as much as you want, but don’t hate your daughter and your grandson.”

Your mother wasn’t the only one crying. Your father started also crying, Jeno’s words hitting the spot in his heart that was empty, because his daughter wasn’t there anymore and that was his fault. You never did anything wrong, your parents’ decision to kick you out, slowly teared both of them apart. They missed you so much, they couldn’t imagine the pain you lived through. Your pregnancy without them by your side. You had no one to help you with raising your baby except for Jeno. They should’ve been there for you. They should’ve been supportive and excited. But they weren’t. They acted terrible, they regretted everything, letting you go and not having enough courage to face you after all this time. If it wasn’t for Jeno, none of you, not you or your parents, would’ve tried to end the war between you.

It’s been a couple hours since you woke up, time was going by really slowly. You had showered and cleaned the whole apartment. You cooked Jeno’s favorite meal because you wanted to make him happy after the last weeks.

You heard the door unlocking and you were so excited to see your husband and your baby, they were only gone for a couple hours but you missed them so much.

“I missed you two so much, don’t go out without me next time. I don’t need to rest I just need you two.”, you hugged them both tightly and your son’s giggle lit up your heart. “We missed you too. I have something for you.”, Jeno kissed your cheek as he stepped to the side. Your parents were standing right in front of you. You thought you’d never see them ever again.  

“M-Mom? Dad?”, you whispered. Your parents couldn’t hold in their tears. “W-What are you doing here?”, you looked at Jeno who smiled at you.

“We are here to apologize and ask you for forgiveness.”, your father explained, your mother was unable to speak as she looked at her daughter.

“We are sorry for treating you so bad. We never deserved a daughter like you, the decision we made, it was impulsive and stupid. You are our only daughter, and we made the biggest mistake. We will understand If you don’t want us in your and your family’s life, but we want to apologize. Not only to you, but also to you Jeno. We were too blind to see how much you loved our daughter and you were there for her. We can be lucky that our daughter found someone like you.”, you could feel the tears falling down and the weight on your shoulders fade away.

You didn’t say anything. You couldn’t say anything. Everything felt like a dream, your biggest wish just came true. You pulled your parents into a hug and you cried with them, you finally reconnected with your parents and everything thanks to Jeno.

Your parents stayed over for a while, you told them everything about Minho and about Jeno’s career. You talked and talked and Jeno never saw you happier (except for the day Minho was born) and he wanted to see you like this forever. He made sure you’d never cry again and just always be happy.

After your parents left, you put Minho in his crib and when you entered your bedroom, Jeno was waiting for you already, he was walking in circles, he wanted to tell you how much he loved you. When you entered he stopped walking around like a maniac and faced you. He got closer and gently cupped your cheeks.

“I just want you to know that I wanted to talk to your parents for a long time now. You don’t deserve your parents or me, but we need you. You are way too perfect, you are everyone’s dream girl and I’m that lucky bastard who got you. I will love you forever and I would quit anything just to be with you and our son. You two are all I need in life and I promise you to love you forever.”

“Stop talking like I’m a rare crystal or something. I was also wrong, I do mistakes and I’m far from perfect. You have no idea how lucky I am to have a husband like you. Look what you did for me today and not only today, but you are always too good to me. I love you so much.”

With that, Jeno pressed his lips on yours and you melted into the kiss.

[lilyharvord]

Omg describe the parent trap au pls I'm begging you

AH! Okay! I've got five requests... means I have to do it XDDD

(bear in mind I had this idea before broken throne came out and we knew Cori and Shade were a thing)

1. Mare and Cal are still young, they're dealing with the ramifications of everything. Mare gets pregnant, they have twins. Their relationship sort of falls apart... and they go their separate ways, each one taking a twin daughter. Mare to Montfort, Cal to the States

2. Some years later (11) the twin daughters both end up at the same sort of camp thing (not sure exactly what's going on there, but they do). They totally hijack each other and end up being forced into an isolation where they only have each other. Then they realized: HOLY SHIT YOUR MOM IS MY MON AND YOUR DAD IS MY DAD. Then they hatch their "master plan" to get Mare and Cal back together. One daughter Coriane (Cal's) and the other Avery (Mare's) switch places, going back to the opposite parent in hopes that they will have to come back together to switch them back.

3. Shenanigans obviously ensue. And Cori realizes horribly quickly that Mare is dating someone... and Avery kinda didn't know about it. The guy (who is not Tyton because I Would NEVER slander that boi like that) is an asshole period. So Cori has to be a snappy little shit and tries to break them up. I just have this one conversation in my head where the guy confronts her and is like: For your information, I adore your mother, she's exactly the kind of woman I always dreamed of marrying. And Cori just leans forward and goes: and my mother's political and military standing wouldn't have anything to do with that... would it? And he goes from being nice politician guy to straight dick in .2 seconds and leans forward to day: listen here puss, I'm marrying your mother in three weeks, whether you like it or not. Is that clear? And once I do, I'm shipping your ass off to the Lakelands. And that's when Cori sends emergency message number 1 to Avery in the States who has been busy ignoring her panic because she's having the time of her life with her dad.

4. Anyway, Julian is the one that figures it out, cause he follows Avery after she runs out to place an emergency call to Montfort to tell Cori to hang in there. He makes Avery tell Cal and we get the cute scene where she's in his office and she has a little suitcase with her, and he laughs and asks where she is going when she buries her face in his shirt. And all muffled says: I'm going to find Cori. And he laughs again and says: I see Cori, so where is she exactly? And she just kinda sniffles looks up at him and says: In Ascendant, with her mom Mare Barrow. And Cal just kinda of looks up at Julian who gives him that little smile. And then he cups Avery's face, lifts it up to look at her, and says: You're not Cori.... you're Avery? and then he puts it together. They decide to go to Ascendant to switch them back. Cal is low key a wreck all the way there, and Julian goes with them with Sara because he's low key gotta chaperone his stressed out nephew still. (Little does Cal know that Julian, Sara, Cori, and Avery all planned it so that they go to the place Mare/Fiance are looking at for their wedding, without Cal knowing what's happening, and without Mare knowing anything at all.)

5. They all end up there, They get separated from each other for a split second and when they happens, Cal ends up spotting Mare getting into an elevator with her asshole fiancé, and she literally almost falls over leaning to the side making sure she is actually seeing her ex-husband and not a ghost of him induced by her low key guilt over remarrying (especially since who she thinks is Avery has been so very opposed to it). Then Cal goes up (mind you, he may be slightly drunk cause... it's funny in the movie, so it works here) runs into both the girls, and finds out Mare is getting re-married, and they try to convince him to stop it, but he won't hear any of it, and tells them he is only there to switch them back.

6. Cal goes down ahead of the girls, and is in the bar trying to get something to deal with the raging headache he has, and who does he run into but Asshole Fiance who is so freaking excited to realize it's him because wow, political ambitions to the max there.

6. Anyway, they go down to a garden and the girls are sitting there with Julian and Sara, and Mare is literally on the HUNT for Cal. She's so confused why he's here, etc. etc. Then she spots him walking down the stairs of the garden (it can be in slow motion while he's adjusting his jacket if you like 😏) and she literally runs into someone, and ends up in a fountain. Cal pulls her out, and she's just looking up at him shocked and confused, and then the girls show up and explain what they did and Mare's just baffled until she laughs and hugs them both. They sit down, Cal gives her his jacket and they talk for a second and Mare just says: I can't believe this... seeing them together, seeing you again... I just-- And then asshole fiance shows up and is like: FINALLY! There you are! Oh um...oh good, you've met! Honey, I was just speaking with him in the bar and um, we were talking about some trade deals, and um wait, I dont understand how did you two meet? and Mare... why are you all wet? and Mare just looks at Cal and goes: you're doing a political trade deal with my fiancé? and Cal's like: i didn't know he was your fiancé? And then Mare's like hahahaha how did we meet? How did you two meet? And Fiance just goes: Am I missing something here? And Mare going: hahaha this is one small world. Cue Avery popping up near his elbow and saying: Hey. And then him sniffing and going: hello. And then Cori popping up and going: Hi, how's it going? And him having a small freak out before Mare sort of grimaces and says: Um... did I ever mention to you that Avery was a twin? And he's just totally put out and grumbles: you neglected to mention that little detail. And the girls are more than happy to introduce Cal as their dad, and fiancé just goes: well, this is a small world. And Mare just awkward grimaces and says: and getting smaller.

7. Anyway, the girls make them go on a cute little date, and they sort of talk about why they broke up and why she left, and we get my favorite dialogue exchange from any movie every made and Mare says: well, I got on an airship to Montfort, and... you didn't chase after me. And Cal just sort of leans forward and says quietly: I didn't know you wanted me to. Then we cut to the next day, they're agreeing to send the girls back and forth between them for certain things, and then low and behold their trouble making daughters show up wearing identical outfits, and the girls give them their proposal. They will tell them who is who after they go on the camping trip. (Aka the one Mare takes Avery on every year in Paradise Valley). Cal crouches down and says: This one is Cori, I'm sure of it. And the one he's point to who is actually Avery just smirks and says: Are you sure dad? You wouldn't want to take the wrong kid all the way back to Archeon would you? And then they're forced to agree to said camping trip.

8. Cue my absolute favorite part of the 1998 movie, where we cut to the fiancé going: AND WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FOR FIVE DAYS? STAY HOME AND KNITT? And Mare just turns around and says: listen, we're in a bit of a situation here. And then Cal's coming down the stairs from the Barrow's town house with his backpack like: 🙃 I have such bad timing. And Fiancé turns around and says: hold on, why is he going? And mare's irritated as all get out so she just snorts and says: because it's part of the deal... we go on this trip... together. And then Cal walks up and being the little shit he is says: is there a problem? And the guys just looks him up and down and goes: Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm not so sure I'm okay with this. And Cal immediately knows how to make this man's life fucking miserable, so he says: Oh I completely understand. The ex in the next sleeping bag is just... so awkward. And Mare just puts her head in her hand and Cal gives this guy his best sympathetic grin and says: which is why I suggest you go with them. And the girls in the truck are like: DAD! NO! And Cal's just like: No I insist. And then the guy is walking down the stair, looking for all intents and purposely like a jackass, and Cal's behind him, already trying to contain his laughter. And the guy gets in the truck, looking annoyed as all get out, and the girls are pissed, and Mare's just looking at Cal like: I can't decide if I wanna kill you or laugh with you. And then Cal just pats the side of the truck and says: alright have fun. And the guy kinda leans across Mare and says: I mean on second thought, maybe this isn't the best idea... I mean... I"m not much a... nature person. And Cal's like mock horrified and says: No, no you really should. This is a great opportunity for you to spend time with the girls and get to know them. And then he gives that jack as his prize winning, shit eating grin and says: Cause starting next week, they're half yours. And Mare just sticks her tongue between her teeth with her smile and puts her shades on and drives away. Cue Kilorn coming up next to Cal and smirking with him and saying; Oh I would pay BIG money to see that man climb a mountain.

9. The camping trip goes miserable, they come back early cause the girls create chaos and the fiancé leaves. Delivering the key line: Once we're married, I'm shipping those BRATS off to Tiraxes. Got it? IT's me or them, take your pick.

They come up the stairs to the town house and Cal's there (wearing super comfy clothes) and is mock shocked when he says: what happened? And the Avery just goes: we've been grounded. and Corie comes up behind her saying until the end of the century. And Cal's just like: why? What happened? and Cori says: we played a couple harmless pranks, and [insert fiancé's name] got a little upset. And Mare storms up behind them and says: Upset? A little Upset? Then she glares at the girls and then at Cal and says: But like father like daughters. You're grounding starts now. And the girls go inside, and Mare just kinda stays out there, fiddling with the engagement ring she took off and says: One day I'm going to have to thank them for this. And then Mare and Cal kinda of have a cute little conversation and then that night, they have their little romantic moment where they almost kiss, but then Mare pulls back. The next day, they leave. (At this point they weren't in Ascendant, they were in a smaller Montfort city near Paradise Valley). So Mare goes home. And once she and Avery get there, they walk into their apartment, and Cori's sitting on the couch, and Mare's just like: oh... um hello. And Cori just smiles and says: it took us about two minutes after you left to realize we were never letting you go again. And Mare's like: us? And then Cal comes out, and is like: us. And Then we get my Second favorite dialogue exchange of all time where Mare goes: so what now? Am I supposed to... to say that we're going to work all this out, that we'll... fall in love again and raise out children together and cry hysterically? And Cal just pulls her close with a smile and says: Yes, to all of that. Only you dont have to cry hysterically.

Then we get happy ending cause YAY the girls won and their parents are back together. Anyway, as you can see I've thought about this AU for far too long and I actually came super close to writing it but then decided, eh better not.

[bella-donna418]

Happy Birthday Eren!

A/N: Been very half inactive here 💀💀💀

So it’s our special boy’s birthday today, I might as well make a headcanon like how I did with Mikasa and Falco's birthday (missed Annie’s birthday but like, I celebrated her bday IRL 😂😂😂)

And…

Actors AU again wew 😂😂😂

(Please don’t mind the timeskips)

~~~

Birthday boy's day today, so might as well make something for him 👉👈

Let’s go!

Mikasa was literally sitting at the nearest chair she could find in the set and of course;

It's her boyfriend’s birthday today and there’s no fucking way she'll forget about it.

But she can’t just let him get away without revenge!

That’s right, last time on her and Falco's birthday—Eren pranked them.

At least they got surprises and all—

But that’s not the point!

She needs to at least prank him back—worse than what he did. (evil ik 😔😔😔

But he did “indirectly” made her cry that time.

So she decided she’ll also prank him back then surprise him.

An idea then popped into her mind and she couldn’t help but grin to herself.

“Mikasa!” Sasha called, snapping her back to reality from her ‘annual brainstorming’.

She shook her head and looked at her, confused.

“Director is calling you.” She said while munching on a cinnamon bun (usual Sasha)

“Right.” She smiled sheepishly and stood up.

.

.

.

After finishing her scenes and all, she got back to brainstorming.

Oh, it’s also her break time so she could go wherever she wants, but she decided to stay and think for a while more.

Then an idea popped into her mind and she couldn’t help but laugh a bit to herself. And that prank was her ignoring Eren 😈😈😈 Knowing him, he wouldn’t care if other people ignored him. But he'd be worried asf and he could go crazy if she did (your Eren cares about Mikasa’s attention “only” your honor 😔😔😔) And the beautiful cruel woman mode is on. Eren was going to pick her up today for lunch since he also finished his tapings and all (also Armin and Annie's with him) He got out to wait and greet her like he always does. ~~~

Earlier…

Since EreMika and AruAni share a car (lol cuz why not?), knowing that Annie and is the earliest to finish.

Mikasa decided to call her, knowing that she’s the earliest to finish out of all of them, and Armin's probably busy at that time.

“Yo, Annie!” She casually said trying to stifle her laughter (Annie knows what’s up lol)

“What? You’re gonna ask another favor again?” (told ya)

“Can’t I just greet my friend? 🥺” Annie sighs over the phone and said, “What is it?”

Now this is when it gets ✨interesting✨

She told Annie all her plans and she decided to go along with it.

“Oh, tell Armin as well.” where she just received a hum as a reply.

Mikasa saw a glimpse of Eren at the entrance of the building and immediately went somewhere she can’t be seen.

The prank starts now 🤡

She immediately composed herself and put on her poker face.

Eren saw her from afar and smiled at her.

She literally feels sorry for him (😂😂😂)

~~~

5 mins earlier…

She was now facing the camera and she could tell that once Eren watches this he'll go “berserk”. (wild Eren 🤡🤡🤡)

“Eren, if you ever see this, I'm sorry. *awkward laugh* Happy birthday to you my loves. I love you.” (literally said that 😂😂😂)

She passed by him without even saying anything—she’s not even smiling! (Mikasa putting years of being a top actress to work here 😂😂😂)

Eren just looked at her confused and caught up to her side.

She won’t look at him and this made Eren a bit sad and more confused.

From what he remembers, they never argued or anything at all.

He's also wondering, ‘Is she ignoring me?’ ‘Is she in a bad mood?’

Going with the second option, he decided to give her time and space like what he thought she needed.

They got inside the car. (well the car is actually like a van, but let me call it a car ok??? 🤡)

Ok, their sitting arrangement is basically like this;

Eren and Mikasa

Annie and Armin

Ok back to the topic—

Annie and Armin were looking at them—well, especially Eren.

“Annie, water.” She looked at Annie who was literally skeptical about her lasting long or even not laughing.

She gave Mikasa her water bottle receiving a smile of thanks from her—Eren looking at his lovely bae (poor Eren 🥺)

Heads up! Everyone knew about it, and yes, when I say everyone, it’s everyone (ok wtf am I even saying?)

So, they were silent for the whole ride and nobody’s talking.

Annie's asleep on Armin's shoulder while he’s busy on his phone.

Eren was stealing glances at Mikasa while she’s also on her phone.

Please, his face is like, “Please notice me already. I love you 🥺👉👈”

If you’re wondering where they’re headed to, they’re going to a restaurant Annie wanted to try (but she’s too shy to ask to the point Armin instantly read her mind and she’s like “H-huh? I said nothing—“) which is also far from their workplace/s.

After a mere hour and a half, they finally arrived at the restaurant, and yay, everyone’s awake! (Kudos to the 3 henchmen for enduring the urge to sleep the entire ride, especially Mikasa)

It’s a fine-dining restaurant (rich bitches 😔)

So they found a table which is good for all of them (driver and assistant included)

To add salt to the wound, Mikasa decided to sit beside Annie (Armin letting her)

Eren only looked at her—not used to getting ignored this long. Why exactly? Because;

She doesn’t ignore him without any reason at all.

If ever they get in an argument, they’d make up and her ignoring him won’t even last for a mere hour or so because y'know.

She has NEVER ignored him this long.

Eren just shrugged it off, but he doesn’t feel good about this.

A waiter finally came to take their orders.

They each had different foods and since Armin was the one to bring them here (Annie's wallet gets saved by bae 🥺), he's the one to pay for all of them which he doesn’t mind at all.

Mikasa was quite clingy to Annie as well while she just went with the flow knowing it’s all needed for her prank.

Even though she’s questioning if it’s really necessary 🙃

After 10 minutes, their orders are finally here!

And of course, hunger doesn’t wait for any kind of bullshit ceremony and all so digging in they go 🍽🍽

They were a few conversations, Armin initiating them because Eren is too quiet (just a few more hours to endure 🥺) and Mikasa doesn’t want to initiate them and cut Eren off because he’s always the one to reply to her topics (it could come off as rude 😅😅)

And of course, everything was being filmed (yes, their assistant is also a videographer 😗✌)

So it’s basically 85% silence and eating (pls they just need a speaker and it’s gonna turn into an ASMR) while 15% are their conversations/topics 🤡

Eren is also on his phone while eating (ok I can tell ppl gonna yell at me for this 🤡)

And Mikasa's taking this opportunity to take glances at him and she couldn’t help but literally laugh to herself and look at the camera then mouth ‘sorry’

Annie's still skeptical and Armin is trying his best not to laugh or something I mean, Eren's still looking gloomy (fact: he doesn’t care it’s his birthday at all and just cares about Mikasa and all)

After a few minutes, they finished and have paid so they’re now on their way back. But the thing is… ~~~

Sasha cam

“Yo, they’re almost back.” She said after looking at her own phone and seeing Mikasa's message.

They immediately went on double-time mode and so far, the room's looking quite ready 🤭

And since they’re freer later at night, they decided to do the surprise that time (poor Mikasa gotta endure more of this torture prank she put upon herself 🤡)

And of course, Sasha’s filming this ✌ ~~~

7:36 p.m

They’re finally free from the shackles of work!

And yes, they’re immediately headed for phase 2 of the surprise for our birthday boy.

So, trying not to encounter Eren, Mikasa immediately headed to the place where she’s going to meet Niccolo to give her the cake (yes, they planned this carefully)

So she finally got the cake and she's on her spot (they all have different spots 😂)

They’re now all on standby and of course, Mikasa went to Zeke so he could bring Eren to the lovely spot since yeah—

About 2 minutes passed and they’re still on standby—and finally, Eren's here!

Eren didn’t even hesitate to open the door and when he did, his eyes widened a bit.

“Surprise!” Everyone greeted him but his eyes were just locked at a Mikasa holding his birthday cake and smiling sheepishly at him.

She handed the cake to Ymir and Eren immediately ran to her —hugging her (he's glad that his suffering is over 🥺)

Mikasa laughed and hugged him back and whispered “Happy birthday” to him.

He broke the hug and pulled her in for a swift kiss making Mikasa surprised.

“Are we gonna eat now? Sasha might finish all of this if Niccolo will keep giving her free servings.” Ymir retorted making everyone laugh.

“Geez, I wasn’t expecting her to ignore him for a full day.” Historia sighed a bit which made Mikasa laugh lightly.

Eren looked at Mikasa with his brows furrowed a bit and wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Don’t do that again—” He was cut off by Annie who was now in charge of holding the cake (Ymir do be passing all her chores 🤡)

“Blow the candles now birthday boy.” She said—him complying while arms still around Mikasa—everyone making noises with party blowers while spraying silly strings everywhere after (bear the bad writing 😂)

“Alright! Let’s eat!” Pieck said while giving plates, spoons, and forks to everyone for all of them to finally be able to eat.

Of course, Niccolo is the sponsor for all of their food to eat 😂

Eren was now being a clingy baby to Mikasa which is just 🥺✨

The atmosphere was filled with laughter and everyone telling funny stories and jokes.

Of course, afterward, they gave him their gifts while he smirked and was like, “Mikasa's the best gift—” receiving a smack on the head from her—everyone laughing saying he deserved it.

~~~

A/N: I, personally think this is poorly written 🤡

Sorry bout that.

But overall, happy birthday Eren! YOU’RE 20 NOW AND STILL ASSLESS— 🤡😂

[fific7]

That Swept-Back Hair

Billy Russo x Reader

@omgrachwrites 500 Follower Celebration

AU Prompt: Friends with Benefits

Summary: How will Billy Russo react when his FWB finds another lover? Bearing in mind that he’s a complete hypocrite.

Warnings: Swearing, jealousy, fluff with mentions of sex.

A/N: Loosely based on S1 Billy, it’s non-canon & set in my imaginary Punisher universe.

(My GIF)

»»———————————————　⚜　———————-————————-««

Your phone was jumping like a jack-in-the-box on your bedside table, the blue light of the screen illuminating the wall behind it every few seconds.

You rolled over with a groan, taking a moment before picking it up and looking at it. Of course it was Billy Russo, who else would it be at 1 AM on a Saturday morning?

The guy next to you in the bed also rolled over, covering his mouth as he yawned, eyes half-open.

“Everything OK, Y/N?” he asked.

“Yeah, Raf, just a needy friend.... gonna call them back, so do you mind staying hush-hush for the next few minutes?”

He yawned massively again, speaking through it, “Ahhhhrrrrr...yeah... no problem...”

You hit the ‘Favourites’ star next to Billy’s name in your contacts, hearing it start ringing.

It went to voicemail so you hung up, slid the phone onto the table and threw your head back down onto your pillow. Fucking Russo. Blows up your phone with missed calls & “Pick up!!” texts then doesn’t answer when you call back.

It rang two seconds later, just as Raf had turned towards you, opening his mouth to no doubt ask you about your ‘needy friend’. You rolled your eyes and grabbed it, but the screen went dark just as you did so.

You hit redial, it rang out, went to voicemail. “Fuck!” you ground out between your teeth.

Your head had touched your pillow again for about 5 minutes, when there was a staccato series of knocks on your apartment door.

You shot up in bed, quivering - ah hell, it couldn’t be, could it? Really?

Raf had dozed back off in the meantime & didn’t even stir when the knocks rang out sharply in the quiet apartment. Not much of a guard dog, you thought, quickly throwing on your discarded PJs.

You padded barefoot over to the front door, confirming via the peephole that Billy Russo was indeed outside in the hallway, leaning on your doorframe so he could place one eye right to it. You spotted an eyebrow wiggle as you made eye contact. Oh holy hell!

You straightened your shoulders, took the chain off and unlocked the door, swinging it open.

“Billy!” you said quietly, with a small smile, “What brings you here?” You hadn’t seen hide nor hair of him for about three weeks. Not that that was anything new.

He moved gracefully past you like the panther he was, even though you’d been trying to subtly block him from coming in. He was dressed in one of his sharp suits, so you guessed he’d been at one of the never-ending stream of events he attended.

Your mouth drew into a line. Whoever he’d gone there with must have bucked the trend and bailed on him. Otherwise he wouldn’t have turned up at your place when, in his mind, the night was still young.

He turned towards you, placing both hands on your hips as he did so, pulling you up against his muscled chest.

“Now, Y/N, why do you think I’m here, holding my best girl in my arms?” the New York accented voice purred in your ear.

He leant in and kissed you hungrily, deepening the kiss immediately to a passionate one.

You pulled away, escaping his grasp. His eyes widened in surprise, a small frown making its way onto his brow. A few locks of his dark hair had fallen forward onto his brow and he swept them back up with his fingers, a reflexive gesture for him.

“I tried to call you back,” you mumbled, “I’ve... uh... got a friend staying with me at the moment.”

He shot his trademark smirk at you. “Hey, that’s OK. We can be quiet for once, yeah?” Grinning now.

In true romcom fashion, Raf picked that moment to come wandering into the lounge, clad only in his boxers, both hands ruffling through his short hair.

Billy’s mouth dropped open. He made a quick recovery, though. Gestured with a thumb.

“So... this your ‘friend’?”

He looked Raf up and down. He was a 6 feet 3 firefighter with the FDNY, and to put it mildly, he was ripped.

He topped Billy by a couple of inches, and by a few pounds. Billy scowled at him.

Raf eyed up Billy too, turning to you and asking, “This your ‘needy friend’ you were talkin’ ‘bout, Y/N?”

Oh crap.

Billy’s scowl turned to a furious glare, aimed right at you. “Needy?!! Ah, fuck this, Y/N! I think we all know who’s needy around here.”

Your mouth rounded into an offended O, but before you could reply, Billy was out the door and it slammed loudly behind him.

Great - now all your neighbours were gonna be mad at you too.

»»———————————————-　⚜　-———-———————————-««

You had then spent an uncomfortable half hour over a coffee with Raf, explaining the dynamics of your non-relationship with Billy.

“Now,” he’d said, brow furrowed, “let me get this straight. He’s part of your friend group, you see him every so often at a bar or at one of their places - but never his. He sees tons of other women but turns up here for booty calls whenever his busy schedule allows?”

He shook his head. “He’s using you, Y/N. What a selfish prick.”

You bristled, “Look, we go back quite a ways. Since he was in the Marines. I knew Frank first as we were neighbours when we were kids, and I eventually met Billy through him. He’s Frankie’s best friend, they’re Marine brothers.”

“And how long have you been ‘friends with benefits’?”

You muttered your response. “Sorry, what was that you said?” he asked.

“Three years,” you repeated reluctantly.

“Damn.” he said. “And what am I, exactly? Filler for whenever fuckboy isn’t calling?”

“No! Raf, you’re a really nice guy, and I love spending time with you.”

He stood up, heading to the bedroom. “Look, I’m gonna go. I need a few days to try and get my head round your fucked-up relationship with the suit-wearing Marine.”

He’d left shortly afterwards, saying he’d call. You weren’t sure that he would.

You met up with Karen for lunch later that day. You’d been co-workers first off, then had become good friends. She was currently dating Frank, your childhood friend.

You were so glad that he was back out socialising, in a small way, after losing his wife and kids in a brutal gang clash just over a year before. They and several others had been what the papers described, rather callously, as “collateral damage” while minding their own business in the public park the gun fight took place in.

Frank had understandably closed himself off to a large extent as he grieved and after a decent interval, you’d tried your best to draw him back out in a gentle way. You’d decided to indulge in a bit of Matchmaking Lite, and had invited Karen along to a night out with the rest of your friends. You knew Frank would be there and as you’d hoped, they hit it off right away.

You spilled what had happened the night before to her, grateful for a shoulder to cry on. She looked and sounded sympathetic, but you knew she wasn’t a big fan of your arrangement with Billy. She again voiced her astonishment that you still had it going on with him.

“Karen, without making you vomit by sharing too many details, Billy is just the absolute best in bed. He’s got the stamina of an ox. Several oxes, in fact.” You just knew your eyes had a faraway look in them.

Her mouth pursed in a ‘moux’ of distaste. “But still, Y/N, he’s just so damn selfish about it! It’s all on his terms.”

“You know he’s got commitment issues.”

She choked on her espresso martini. “Ya don’t say!!”

“It’s complicated.”

“Look, honey, I’m gonna be straight with you. It is anything but complicated. He spends 90% of his time at Anvil, 9.9% with other gals, and guess who gets the remaining measly 0.1%, the crumbs from his table?” She pointed her finger straight at you. “Coconut for the lady over there!”

You sat in silence for several minutes, turning over in your mind what Raf, and now Karen, had said to you. Eventually you nodded slowly. “You know what, Kar, you’re totally right. I just let the great sex blind me to all the rest of his fucking bullshit.”

Time to cut Billy loose.

Not that you ever had him tied down in the first place. If you were being brutally honest.

And you weren’t sure whether he’d even bother showing up at your place ever again.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

The next day being Sunday meant that some serious ‘Me Time’ was in order.

Sitting on the sofa, you stared off into space, thinking about the two men in your life. You huffed to yourself; you hadn’t heard from either of them so far, and that was probably for the best. You could do without being stuck in the middle of some kind of testosterone-fuelled conflict between the two of them.

Then you laughed out loud at yourself. Who were you kidding? You’d probably never see either of them again! You stood up, stretching out your shoulder and neck muscles. Time for a bit of self-pampering.

You had a long relaxing bath, gave yourself a leisurely mani-pedi, ordered in some pizza, and began to go through some layouts for work the next day.

You were a digital content editor at the newspaper both you & Karen worked for. It was okay as jobs went, but it didn’t set your world on fire. However, what did excite you was that the newspaper’s parent publishing house was about to launch a travel magazine, and you’d applied for a transfer.

What really made butterflies pop up into your stomach, though, was the fact that the magazine’s content editors would also be contributing instead of just collating. You’d already had an interview with the Editor in Chief, and should be hearing back within the next few days.

If someone else got that position you’d applied for, you’d just have to shove them out of your third floor office window at the very first opportunity.

While you were thinking of potentially becoming a murderer, there was a familiar pattern of raps at your door. Your heart sank straight through your boots.

You knew it was Billy before you opened the door. It sounded ridiculous but he had a certain way of knocking. Peremptory, demanding, with military precision.

He stood outside your door, tensed up and rigid, with a carefully blank look on his face.

“You alone?” he barked, by way of greeting.

You crossed your arms over your chest, glaring at him. “Why, hello Billy. How are you? I’m fine, Y/N, how are you? Yeah, I’m great.”

He glared right back. “I asked if you were alone.”

“That’s highly unlikely, Billy, seeing as how I’m so needy!”

He huffed and marched inside straight to the sofa, sitting down and leaning his arms on his spread-apart thighs. He clasped his hands together, letting them dangle loosely between his knees.

“You said I was needy first.” Sulky face.

“Hey, are we back in school or something?”

He looked up at you, dark eyes staring into yours intensely. “Why d’you get with another guy, Y/N?”

Straight to the point, then. OK, you were going to return the favour.

“What, I’m not allowed to have a life? D’you think I’m going to just sit around, waiting to gratefully receive 5 minutes of your attention every few weeks? Like some kind of fucktoy, to be picked up and dropped at will? Seriously?”

He clenched his fingers until the joints went white. “I thought you were happy with the way things are between us!!?... our... our arrangement. You’re important to me. And you know I care about you!” Not meeting your eyes at this last comment.

“Huh!!!” You leant against your kitchen island, you weren’t going to get into Billy’s orbit. Too risky.

“So important that you spend all your time at work, while bedding half of Manhattan? Leaving me with the crumbs from your table, as someone put it recently.”

He shot up from the sofa, fury in his eyes. “Who fuckin’ said that?!”

You shrugged, “It’s not important. What is important is that our arrangement, as you call it, is over. Since you put it in such business-like terms, think of it as a contract which has been terminated.”

Billy stalked across the room until he was an inch away from you, eyes boring into yours. “No.”

You laughed in disbelief, eyebrows arching. “You think that just cos you say ‘No’ it’s not gonna happen? Because no-one ever says no to Billy Russo, is that it?”

He grabbed you, lips finding yours in a ferocious kiss. One hand crept up the nape of your neck, his fingers running through your hair, while the other hand pulled your hips to his. He had an impressive erection. You gasped as you felt the pressure of it against you, but pushed him away, escaping to the other side of the kitchen island.

“Just go, Billy. Please.”

He stared at you, wide-eyed, those dark pools of his looking suspiciously glossy. Was he...? No way.

Billy turned on his heel and slammed out of your apartment. Again.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Billy knocked his beer bottle off the table with his elbow, as he leant forward to drunkenly wave a finger in his friend’s face. Luckily, it fell onto the grassy verge below, rather than the decked patio they were sitting on in Frank’s back garden.

Frank grabbed his finger. “Russo!!! Chill out, man.”

“She tol’ me... t’go, Frankie, I was kissin’ her an’ she jus’ said Go!” slurred Billy. Frank squeezed his eyes shut at the whiny tone then looked back at him.

“Bill! We all warned you she wouldn’t put up with your bullshit forever. You should’ve known this was comin’ bud.”

“Bu’ I... I... love her,” he blurted, then stared at Frank, eyes wide, part horrified, part terrified.

“Got a strange way of showin’ it, Bill. Picking other women over her, until you decide it’s time to hook up. Surprised she’s stood for it so long!”

Billy swayed slightly in his garden chair, just staring back at him, nodding repetitively like a bobble head every so often.

“I gotta get her back, Frankie.”

“Whooo,” Frank huffed out a big breath, “well, ya always did like to choose the impossible missions, Russo.”

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

You were beginning to understand what having a stalker was like.

When you left work the following day, the first person you spotted on the sidewalk outside your office building was Billy Russo.

You hesitated, shocked, then nodded and said quietly, “Hi Billy,” before continuing your short walk to the subway.

He fell into step alongside you. “M’gonna show you just how much I care about you,” you heard, then he was gone. Just gone, into the crowd of commuters around you.

That was just the beginning. Every morning, one single rose of the palest pearly pink would be delivered to your office, laying in a swirl of black chiffon within a silver gift box.

Texts would drop into your phone at unexpected hours. “Please forgive me. Let me back into your life. I love you, Y/N.”

The first time you saw those words, you nearly dropped your phone. What the....?

Gourmet meals and bottles of rosé prosecco would be delivered to your door, precisely 30 minutes after you’d get home. Was he watching you or something? A little shiver ran up your spine. He was still a sniper, after all.

You would catch glimpses of Billy when you left the office, and outside your apartment. Without a shadow of a doubt, he meant you to see him, he would never be so visible on a real surveillance job. But he didn’t ever approach you.

Then you got your dream job. You, Karen and a bunch of your colleagues went to your regular bar after work for a quick celebration. There was a toast proposed to your new job at one point, and one of your male colleagues grabbed you in a friendly bear hug after they’d all shouted “Cheers!”

You were looking past his arm as he hugged you, and found yourself staring into Billy Russo’s dark eyes. Casually dressed, he was leaning on a high table near the door, a beer in front of him.

Billy lazily pushed back from his table, strode over to you, swiped you out of the guy’s arms, wrapped his own arms round you and planted a kiss on your temple, with a nonchalant, “Hi, sweetheart.”

Karen, who had heard all about your last encounter with Billy, looked thunderstruck. You’d be getting interrogated later, that was for sure.

He, meanwhile, landed another kiss right next to your lips and said, “See you later at home,” giving you a quick squeeze before walking off.

Your female colleagues meanwhile were swooning over Billy, one of them commenting that she wasn’t surprised you’d kept so damn quiet about your hot boyfriend. You gave Karen a meaningful look and just smiled back at them all, neither confirming nor denying anything.

However the feeling of Billy’s body against yours, the delicious smell of him, his lips on your skin, had set your heart racing at a dangerous speed. You really did try to push those thoughts aside.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

Flopping down onto your sofa when you got home, you laid your head back on it and thought about that evening. As expected, Karen had questioned you ruthlessly as you left the bar together, like the perceptive investigative reporter she was.

Talking as you walked to the subway, you’d given her every detail of all the deliveries, glimpses of him and texts you’d received in the last few days. Karen had stopped walking, looking at you in surprise. “Y/N, why didn’t you tell me about all of this before now? Hell, Frank told me he had some crazy plan to win you back, but I never really thought...” her voice trailed off.

“Is it working?” she asked next. “Mmmm, yes and no, to be honest,” you said. “Don’t let it!” she said firmly, “This is what he should have been doing all along, instead of treating you like a total afterthought.”

You nodded, “Can’t argue with ya on that,” you agreed. “Is he going to turn up at your place, d’you think?” she asked. “Wouldn’t be surprised,” you laughed, “I think that was Billy giving me a heads-up.”

So as you’d been 90% expecting, the familiar knock at the door came about 15 minutes after you’d got back. You got up and after checking the peephole, sighed and opened it. “Hi, Billy.”

This was like déjà vu. Billy brushed past you and sat himself down on the sofa, in the same pose as the last time. Head down, hair falling forward and hiding his eyes from you. This time, you bit the bullet and sat at the opposite end, leaning against the armrest so you were facing him.

“Well, Billy.... leaving aside the stalkerish overtones, I guess I should thank you for the roses, gourmet meals and prosecco.”

He swung his head towards you, eyes wide. “They were just to get your attention. Frankie told me it’s what I shoulda been doin’ anyway, all along.”

You nodded, “Yeah, he’s not wrong.”

Billy heaved out a big sigh, head dropping. “I know I’ve been a complete shit to you, Y/N. Took you for granted.” He met your eyes again, “Truth is, I was fallin’ in love with you, and I really didn’t know how to handle it. I thought it was... just sex to you, so I... I was a coward and tried to ignore it, and acted like I didn’t give a shit about you. I just couldn’t have you kick me to the curb if I told you how I felt.”

You were genuinely shocked - Billy had never talked about his feelings before. You’d accepted this in the past, telling yourself it was due to his upbringing in the system.

“So you meant what you said in your daily texts, then?”

He nodded, still looking straight at you, “Yeah...I meant it, I do love you, Y/N.” Then he quickly looked down again.

Before you could stop yourself, you’d leant along the sofa and your fingers were pushing that silky hair off his forehead. He looked up at you, taking hold of your wrist and kissing your pulse point softly. You stood up, saying “C’mere, you,” and took hold of his hand, pulling him up along with you.

He put his arms round you, burying his face into your hair and just holding you. “I’ve missed you,” he mumbled. You laughed, “What?! Even though you hadn’t seen me for weeks before the night you landed on my doorstep?!”

“I know, I know, you don’t need to remind me I’ve been a complete prick. I’ll be honest, I think it took me seein’ you with that guy, and him actin’ like you were his, to give me that kick up the ass I needed.” The dark eyes looked down at you, and he sniffed, “He still around?” You shook your head.

“Nah. I think he thought I was completely insane for still being with you.”

Billy laughed, “Maybe he’s right....” he looked at you, serious again. “You willin’ to give me another chance, Y/N? I promise you I’ll do it right this time. The whole dating thing, asking you to be my girlfriend after three dates, all that stuff... everything.”

“Everything? Like, what if I say no sex to start with? And no running off to other women to scratch that itch? You’ll swear to all that? Really?!”

“I swear to you, on my Ka-Bar.”

“Wow,” you said, knowing that the knife was never out of Billy’s possession. It was an integral part of him. Maybe he was serious after all.

»»————————————-———-　⚜　———————————-————-««

A small kiss on your cheek woke you the next morning. Those eyes, those dark liquid pools, stared into yours, while a thumb ran over your cheek. “Mornin’, sweetheart,” smiling down at you. Reaching up, you ran your fingers into his hair, moving it off his forehead. “Morning, sweetheart,” you echoed, smiling back.

You and Billy had shared a bed but nothing else, except hugs and hand-holding. You were in your PJ’s - well, camisole top with matching shorts - and all Billy had on were his boxer briefs. You couldn’t deny you’d had thoughts of just leaping on him during the night... let’s face it, he was one hot dude. And he knew how to ‘look after’ a woman in bed, as he himself put it.

But no, you were determined he was gonna have to work for it, just like he promised he would. So you’d had to show some self-discipline, well, a lot of it, actually. He’d passed the first test - he’d actually stayed all night. Usually he was gone before the morning light stole through the curtains.

Now, he kissed your bare shoulder and leapt out of bed, like he was back in the Marines. He stood still for a moment, sideways next to the bed, having a leisurely full body stretch. Billy knew full well you’d be totally enjoying the view. A little tease from him to remind you what you were missing.

The sunlight, which stole through a small gap between your curtains in the otherwise dim room, picked out the sculpted muscles on his back & torso. Then he turned slightly more, ensuring you wouldn’t miss seeing the hard-on he was currently sporting. You shook your head, with a slight smile on your lips. The cocky big bastard.

“Where you off to, Billy?” you asked, thinking to yourself, if he’s headed to Anvil, he can fucking shove his second cha......

“I’m gonna make my beautiful almost-girlfriend a cup of good Italian coffee.”

You smiled at his departing back as he disappeared out of the bedroom. “Oh, Billy?”

His voice drifted back through from the kitchen, “Yeah, darlin’?”

“Can I please get some toast with that, too?”

“Sure, sweetheart.”

You stretched luxuriously, nestling your head into your pillows.

Looked like you were going to find out what having a panther on a leash was like.

[kyber-crystal]

fluff alphabet || poe dameron

a/n: for @jangohshit​!! sorry this was so late—i thought it was queued already but oh welp ,.,.,., thank u for being literally one of the best mutuals anyone could ever ask for <3 also leia is peak mom material in this friendly warning :) angst to fluff thrown in, as well

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

we all know he’s the most affectionate person ever despite his seemingly intimidating persona—he loves giving you forehead kisses, back hugs, and picking you up and spinning you around when he gets the chance. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

the friendship started because leia had introduced you to him. you ended up clicking right away and spent nearly every waking moment you had together to the point that the entire black squadron would joke about how you and poe shared one functional braincell (i mean, they weren’t entirely wrong). he’s very overprotective—one time you tripped and fell off a ladder while helping rey fix something and he was freaking out about it more than you were. and you were completely fine, asides from a few scratches. again, the squadron loves teasing him about his ‘mama bear’ persona that he develops when he’s around you

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

YES. poe absolutely loves cuddling. he’ll take any chance he gets to hug you—whether that’s hugging you from behind during meetings, running into your arms when reuniting after a mission, or wrapping his arms around you as you relaxed with him and the others by the campfire several nights. you rarely ever slept alone, it was always you sleeping together in yours or his room, and jessika or finn would have to run in and wake you up several times in a row because you got too comfortable and nearly overslept. in short, you and him are attached at the hip

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

it was a mutual agreement between you two that you’d settle down and get married once the war was finally over. you hadn’t had many opportunities to actually sit and talk about it so the conversation was often brought up late at night when nobody else was awake.

poe isn’t the greatest ever at being tidy, but he isn’t bad at cleaning up stuff when he needs to—and any messiness is made up for with his beyond amazing cooking skills. he’s constantly pressured week after week to cook for everyone because the first time he’d made something it was love at first taste. now he’s dubbed the ultimate pilot and sous chef of the resistance

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

if you had to break it off with each other, it would be because of the war. getting into a relationship while trying to fight for your lives could put you into a compromising position and poe hated knowing that he could lose you at any point. this ultimately led to a huge argument—coincidentally, right before you left for an eight week-long mission. there were many tears involved.

you wouldn’t get together right after you claimed victory, but instead, took time building your relationship back up again before finally doing so. there were no real hard feelings involved—it was just a matter of reconstruction :3

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

once poe is committed to something, he’s committed—he’s in it for the long run. of course, he wants to make sure you’re comfortable first before anything else—and in terms of marriage, he’ll probably wait about a year or two. nothing too fancy. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

even though poe knows that you’re one hell of a fighter and can take practically anything that’s thrown at you, he’s very very gentle with you—same goes emotionally. he knows you’ve also been through a lot and makes sure to constantly remind you that you’re not alone and that if you ever needed someone to turn to, he’d always be here. 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

alright, this man NEVER misses an opportunity to hug you. hugs from behind, picking you up and spinning you around until both of you got dizzy, surprising you and then hugging you, holding you in his arms to help you fall asleep after a nightmare, you name it. you joke around about how you don’t need therapy when you have his arms within reach :)

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

he says it first. you recalled it being after you returned from a quick little recon with a few other pilots and ran straight into his arms (as always, because mans loves getting hugs from you yk). 

“I love you.”

“I know,” you responded.

“I taught her that!” -han, shouting as he approached. “You really didn’t think to say hi to me first?”

“Dad.”

poe only laughs and kisses you again.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

ooooof so when poe’s jealous, he doesn’t like to show it but you can tell when he is. it’ll be little death stares from across the room or tightening his arm around your waist, even if it’s another squadron member jokingly flirting with you

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

poe’s kisses are either very gentle or very passionate—it depends. he likes kissing you on the lips but he loves forehead kisses the most. it gives him a sense of protection over you and he loves knowing you’re his special person :3

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

the kids absolutely LOVE him. you always get this warm & fuzzy feeling inside whenever you see him interacting with the younger ones on base; sometimes he’ll catch you staring and just winks at you in response (this little shit KNOWS how he makes you feel and loves it)

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

it’s pretty relaxed most of the time (that is, if it’s the weekend or you’re on break) and poe likes to stay in and cuddle for a little bit before you actually get out of bed. if not, both of you are up at the crack of dawn LOL. you often start off the day with a relaxing morning walk around the base before settling down to eat :)

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

on nights that neither of you can fall asleep, you’ll go outside and stargaze. it’s a very soothing habit you’ve learned to develop and 9/10 times it has one of you (it’s usually you) nearly knocked out cold after just an hour or two. (poe also sees this as an excuse to carry you back inside in his arms)

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

poe’s naturally a very open person but there are some things he prefers to keep to himself. but once he fully trusts you he tells you everything—though this takes maybe a couple months or so. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

both of you are aware he’s the more impatient of the pair, although when it comes to you he doesn’t mind waiting. when putting that aside, his patience runs a little bit more thin.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

alright mans knows you like the back of his hand. literally. like. the back. of your hand. everyone on base knows it, too—he remembers the smallest of things about you that even you don’t remember sometimes. this was the biggest giveaway for him that told everyone he was most certainly in love with you. you can guess who hosted your surprise birthday that one night after exegol : ‘)

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

your first kiss—not just because it was a first, but because of how it happened. it started pouring heavily as soon as you returned from a mission and everyone ended staying outside and having a giant water fight. while high on adrenaline, you jumped straight into his arms and before either of you had the chance to think, his lips were on yours and you were kissing underneath the stormy sky. everyone stopped what they were doing halfway and noticed, lowkey it looked like some scene from the notebook (arguably more romantic)

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

even though the two of you claim to share one braincell, poe is very very protective over you no matter how much you protest and claim you were capable of taking care of yourself. usually he’s the one who’s more freaked out about any injuries you get. other than you understood that you had to look out for each other and stick by each other no matter the cost—a promise you two intended to keep for as long as you possibly could.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

a lot. he’s very, very extra. very. han pokes fun at him sometimes for it but he too, was initially like that with leia so he can’t really argue—so instead, whenever poe’s in need of help with planning stuff he’s off to the rescue : ‘) fam rlly went from “no, you are NOT dating my daughter” to “why haven’t you guys gotten married yet?” one time for your birthday, with the help of your parents and the entire black squadron, he put on an entire air show for you complete with firework displays, and needless to say you were head over heels that night. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

he doesn’t sleep. poe has a very fucked up sleep schedule and often counts on you to remind him to get some rest—you found him working on his x wing one night and he told you he hadn’t slept in the past thirty-six hours—after which you scolded him and dragged him to bed. he ended up dozing off until noon 0_0

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

he’s not very concerned. though when he notices you staring or whenever you compliment him about his looks it does boost his ego :)

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

oh definitely. so much to the point that it has also become a joke among fellow rebels, even your parents (leia often tells you that she’s worried he won’t function properly unless you’re around and tbh she isn’t wrong lol). you’re his soulmate and other half whom he wouldn’t trade for the world

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

poe has the best taste in music. straight up. nobody argues nor complains when he’s in charge of music for the day, they’re always satisfied with whatever tunes he’s playing throughout the base and it puts everyone into a good mood

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

lack of respect. being inconsiderate. coldhearted. you’re thankfully none of these and for that very reason he’d chosen you—you’re everything he could ever ask for in a person

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

poe doesn’t snore, but he has a SOLID iron grip when fast asleep. “best friends always sleep in each other’s beds!” he’d claim as he crawled in next to you many nights and fell asleep hugging you very tightly. everyone knew it was again, an excuse to get closer to you. but you didn’t mind : ‘)

[emwritesfootball]

American Girl | Mason Mount

Word Count: 1,949

Warnings: light sex mentions

A birthday gift for my girl @lionspridetingz. Happy birthday, Ads! <3

- - -

When you’d told your friend Christian you were coming to England as part of your study abroad program for a year, he’d immediately offered his place up for you to be his roommate and you’d gratefully accepted. Oddly enough, his place was closer to the university than any of the housing options that were listed, and you were excited to spend time with your childhood friend.

The day before you were set to arrive, however, you got a panicked call from Christian. He was muttering unintelligibly and you couldn’t really hear him over the sounds of the London storm, but you heard enough to know that the room he’d prepared for you had flooded and he was asking his teammates if they would let you stay there while he got that part of his house fixed. Too stunned to say anything other than ‘okay’, you hung up, shaking your head at the insane situation that would only happen to Christian.

Your friend picked you up at the airport the next morning, both of you grinning from ear to ear as he spun you around in a big bear hug. “Fuck, I missed you,” he drawled, instinctively grabbing your massive suitcases that you’d barely managed to haul off the conveyor belt at the checked bag station.

“I missed you, too,” you replied, playfully bumping his shoulder with your own. “So, where are you taking me?”

“Mason’s place. Some of the other guys also offered to take you in but he’s the one I trust most, so I picked him. I hope that’s okay.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” you hummed absently, but internally you were reeling. You’d never met Mason Mount in person but you’d met him plenty of times over FaceTime while you’d been talking with Christian, and somewhere along the way, you’d managed to fall for the England player. You knew you’d be meeting Christian’s teammates at some point, but you hadn’t expected to be living with the one you had a crush on.

You zoned out on the drive to Mason’s place, telling Christian you were just taking in the sights when he asked. It wasn’t a full-on lie - you were taking in all the new sights that were so different from Pennsylvania’s Americana charm, but you were also thinking about Mason and wondering what it would be like to live with him.

Christian shutting off the engine to the car brought you out of your daydreams and you stared at your new home for the next few months.

***

Mason walked out when he heard Christian pull into the drive. He couldn’t believe his luck, having such a beautiful girl live with him while Christian got his place fixed after the flood. Not that you’re gonna do anything about it, the internal voice in his head screamed. Christian had made him promise he wouldn’t try anything with his friend, and Mason fully intended to keep that promise.

She was even more beautiful in person. Mason felt his throat go dry and his palms start to sweat as he took her in. She was in travel clothes - leggings and an oversize hoodie; her hair up in a messy bun - but he couldn’t help going speechless. If she looks this good now, imagine how good she’ll look dressed up for the awards dinner at the end of the season, he couldn’t help thinking, but quickly tried to regain composure as Christian’s voice brought him out of his own head.

“Mase! Thanks again for doing this, man - I really appreciate it.”

“No problem. Glad I could help.” Mason turned his attention to her. “Hey. Nice to finally meet you in person.”

You giggled, hoping your blush wasn’t obvious. “You, too. Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“Of course.” Mason reached for the duffel you were holding, his fingers brushing yours as he took the bag. “Any friend of Christian’s is a friend of mine.”

You felt a little dejected at the statement, but you tried to tamp it down. Just because you had feelings for Mason didn’t mean that he had to have feelings for you. Plus, as one of Christian’s teammates, he was definitely off-limits - no matter how badly you wanted him. You followed him through his house, trying to keep your eyes ahead of you instead of on his toned back or ass, which proved harder than you thought.

The room was beautifully decorated and you held your breath for a moment while you took it in. It was a beach theme, whites and light blues everywhere. The decor told you a woman must have decorated it, and you felt a pit in your stomach when you remembered that he and Chloe had recently broken up, but that it was entirely possible that she’d been the one to design this. “It’s beautiful; thank you, Mason,” you murmured, setting your bags down. Christian set your large suitcase down next to the dresser, and Mason put your duffel on top of it.

“Let me know if you need anything. This place is yours now, too, so make yourself at home.”

“We’ll be in the living room playing FIFA but if you want help unpacking just let us know.” Christian gave you a smile that you returned and both boys exited, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

***

Two weeks into living with Mason, and the two of you were the best of friends. Of course, you were still closer with Christian, but Mason was getting there. You did your uni work during the day while he was at training and the two of you would cook dinner at night, planning out the following day’s meal afterward so you could go shopping for fresh ingredients in-between your classes. On the nights you weren’t prepping for the following day’s uni classes, you and Mason relaxed on the sofa with a movie or some trashy British reality show. It was the best part of your week, honestly, and you couldn’t believe how easily the two of you had fallen into a routine. On the colder nights when you were both snuggled under individual blankets, you couldn’t concentrate on the movie because you were distracted thinking about how badly you’d like to snuggle under one blanket with Mason.

***

“Are you coming to the match tomorrow?” Mason asked the night before the first match you’d be attending in London.

“Yeah,” you said smiling, turning to face him. The two of you were unwinding on a Friday night, and you were once again wishing you could be snuggling with him instead of sitting on the opposite end of the sofa.

“Do you, uh, do you need a kit to wear?” Mason couldn’t believe he was stuttering over his words, feeling incredibly awkward in front of you for no reason. Well, he knew the reason but he wasn’t going to dwell on something that wasn’t going to happen.

You paused, your heart racing. “Oh. Uhm, I have one of Christian’s that I was planning on wearing?” You couldn’t believe you were turning down the opportunity to wear Mason’s kit in the stands but you knew Christian would get suspicious and wearing Mason’s kit felt too intimate for you - even though nothing was happening between you and Mason.

“Oh, right. Sorry.”

You felt bad, watching Mason visibly blush and run a hand through his hair as he chuckled awkwardly. “Don’t worry about it - maybe one day.”

Both of you could feel the tension in the air at the last part of your sentence, but neither of you acted on it. It was a line you weren’t ready to cross, but something told you it would be happening sooner rather than later.

***

Over the next month, the two of you got closer on the sofa. Soon, separate blankets became one blanket and you snuggling into his side became your legs over his lap with your head on his shoulder. You hadn’t kissed yet, but both of you knew it was going to happen sooner or later.

You shared everything with him - your thoughts and feelings on anything; your childhood; your past - and he did the same with you. Mason soon came to know what mood you were in by the tone of your ‘good morning’ and you could read him better than Christian. You knew that Mason was worried about not getting a call-up for this latest round of World Cup Qualifiers - something he hadn’t told anyone on the team - so the morning he got the call was huge.

“It’s Southgate,” he’d whispered when his phone went off at breakfast one morning.

“You got this,” you reassured him, watching him like a hawk as he picked up the phone.

Mason’s expression was neutral as he nodded and said, “Yes, sir,” over and over into the phone.

“Well?” You asked when he hung up.

“I got the call-up,” he said, the disbelief in his voice evident.

“Oh, my god! Mase!” You stood up, enveloping him in a hug. “I’m so proud of you!”

Mason returned your hug, so overwhelmed by emotion that he didn’t even realize he’d kissed you until you were pulling back, looking at him with an odd look on your face. “I-”

“Shut up and kiss me again, Mase,” you murmured, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck and pulling him in for another kiss.

***

Your relationship grew from there, but the two of you kept it a secret, not wanting to tell anyone until you were ready. Slowly, your things moved from the guest bedroom to his bedroom, and you spent every night in his bed. Mason loved having you in his bed, drifting off to sleep to the sound of your American accent as you told him stories. You loved getting to spend your nights in his bed, the feeling of waking up next to him better than anything else in your world at the moment.

Slowly, you started wearing Mason’s kit underneath Christian’s, making sure Christian’s wasn’t visible when Mason bent you over the sofa and fucked you senseless after matches.

“I think I’m ready to tell everyone,” Mason said one night as the two of you were cuddling in bed the night before another big match. “That is, if you are, too.”

“Yeah, I think I am,” you murmured, pressing a kiss to his sternum. “After the match tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

***

Chelsea’s unbeaten streak under Tuchel continued, a big win coming against United. You hadn’t seen Christian before the match so you’d switched out his shirt for Mason’s, the ‘Mount 19’ on your back feeling lighter than air as you ran onto the pitch after the match and immediately kissed him. “I’m so proud of you, baby,” you said, kissing him again for good measure. He’d scored a goal and you couldn’t wait to congratulate him.

“What the fuck is this?” Christian’s voice cut in and you and Mason jumped apart.

“She’s my girl,” Mason explained, the words filling you with warmth as he pulled you back into him and slung and arm around your shoulder.

“We’re together.”

“I can see that,” Christian grumbled, looking between the two of you. “It’s a little weird so it’ll take some getting used to, but okay. You,” he said, pointing at you, “don’t hurt him. And you,” Christian pointed at Mason, “if you hurt her, I’ll hurt you.”

You rolled your eyes. “We know, Christian.”

“C’mon, Angel,” Mason murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple, “let’s get home so we can celebrate your birthday properly.”

“You remembered?” You asked, shocked.

“Of course. I’ve been into you since the moment you moved into my guest bedroom - how could I forget?” He leaned down, kissing you properly. “Happy birthday, Angel.”

[olivish]

Here it is! Part 3 of the "Who was Alex's father?" / "Melanie becomes friends with Ben" story. (I really should make a title at some point.)

Part 1 Part 2

Quick Recap: 8 years pre-Freeze, in the leadup to launching Snowpiercer's first commercial iteration, Wilford sent Melanie to oversee track completion between Jerusalem and Tehran. While she was overseas, she fell in love with a photojournalist who was covering the refugee crisis in Lebanon.

On the day Melanie was supposed to return to Chicago, there was a massive earthquake in which he was killed and she was badly hurt. We pickup the story from Ben’s point of view:

Part 3

1. When Ben found out that Melanie was alive and expected to make a full recovery, he stopped calling. He considered visiting in the hospital, but one of his coworkers tried that and ran into Wilford, who flew into a rage. He demanded to know if his engineers really had nothing better to do than deliver teddy bears.

“She’s doing more work than you are,” he said. “Now go away!”

Day and night, Wilford guarded Melanie like a gargoyle.

“That’s his guilt,” went the chatter in the breakroom. “Guilt? About what?” “He sent her over there.” “You’re nuts. Wilford doesn’t feel bad about anything.” “And yet, he won’t leave her room.” “Here’s a thought. Maybe Melanie’s really dead, but he doesn’t want us to catch on. Figures we might try and bail before the ship goes down.” “Weekend at Bernie’s?” “She’s fine! She’s fine! Melanie says get back to work!” [chuckles] “Seriously, though. Is she okay? Should we send a card?”

2. Nobody sent a card. In five years of development, Melanie had never given anyone a card, for anything. She once told Ben, cards are a pointless waste of paper. “And the glitter,” she went on, rubbing her fingers together with a grimace. “They all have glitter.”

“They make cards without glitter.”

“Doesn’t matter. They sit next to the cards that do have glitter, and it transfers. And card shops always smell like scented candles. Have you noticed that? The miasma of rose hips and vanilla?”

“I hadn’t noticed.” Also, he wasn’t sure what a miasma was. Ben watched as Melanie went back to work. She seemed to have forgotten why they were talking about greeting cards in the first place.

“So, I’ll just sign your name to this one?” he asked.

“Okay.”

“There’s a party. With cake. And booze.” When she didn’t say anything, he offered, “You should come.”

“Oh. Well. Sure. Maybe. If I finish this work in time.”

Ben knew what that meant. Melanie hated staff parties. If the idle conversation weren’t enough to keep her away, Wilford had started bringing Audrey along as entertainment.

And there was nothing more glittery than Audrey.

3. When Melanie came back to work, her coworkers didn’t find it strange that she kept to herself. She’d always been like that, after all. People welcomed her back and asked how she was, but with Wilford always looming, there wasn’t much opportunity for conversation.

“It’s just a few broken ribs,” she said. “I’m fine.”

She didn’t look fine. It was obvious to anyone with eyes, she wasn’t revealing the half of her injuries. Most glaring of all was a crushed right hand, which Ben knew must be killing her. Not just in terms of pain, but Melanie was a notoriously tactile person.

“You can’t understand something unless you put your hands on it,” she once said. They were testing a new diagnostics program he’d written, and she was sure the readings were off. She could feel it. He disagreed, and when it turned out Melanie was right, she gave him a little lecture.

“Fingertips over sensors,” she said. “Get your hands dirty once in awhile, you’ll have better instincts.”

Ben chaffed at the criticism, but there was no arguing with someone who was always right. When it came to machines, Melanie had the magic touch.

Now, maybe half the magic touch.

But Ben couldn’t bring himself to be cute or ironic about it. Melanie losing her dominant hand only a year from completing her magnum opus seemed like a kind of cruel, cosmic joke.

4. Wilford pulled out all the stops as he tried to help Melanie adjust.

“You haven’t got one hand,” he said, standing close behind her, bringing his arms forward, palms up, fingers wiggling. “You’ve got three.”

“Thank you,” she said. “But really, I can manage on my own.”

“And miss your chance to command two of the devil’s finest playthings? Nonsense! It’ll be just like old times. Perfect sympatico.”

Wilford gave her arm a gentle squeeze, and while he was still behind and unable to see her reaction, Melanie seemed to slip. She was... repelled. Then, her eyes snapped up, realizing for the first time that Ben was standing there.

“Oh, bother,” Wilford sighed, still not releasing her arm. “Can we help you?”

“I have upgrades for the harmonic module,” Ben replied, presenting a thumb drive. “It’s a secondary system, designed to kick in for high volume calculations. It’s stochastic, so it should give us faster results, without-"

"-without a statistically significant impact on accuracy," Wilford finished his sentence. He smiled, impressed for once. "Well, well, Bennett. At least someone was working while the bosses were away. How about it, my dear? Are you in the mood for some nondeterministic computational theory, or is that too dull for this, the week of your triumphant return?”

Again, Ben met Melanie’s eyes. And again, every neuron in his brain screamed, something was very wrong.

Down the assembly line, a forklift dropped a pallet of supplies and Melanie flinched, though her facial expression remained unchanged. Blank. Empty. Not like she was somewhere else, but like she existed nowhere at all.

5. That night, for the first time in fifteen years, Ben dreamed about the car crash that killed his youngest brother.

Everything came back, as vividly as the day it happened. The bang-and-ring. The sickening spin. Shattering glass. Inversion. Crunching. The smell of gasoline and the taste of blood. And little Ian, just 8 years old and perfect, lying in the back seat next to him, his eyes open but unseeing. There were no final moments. He was just gone.

Ben awoke gasping and sweating. He ran to the bathroom and splashed water on his face. “Fuck!” he yelled into the towel as he dried off. What the fuck was that!?

But it didn’t take a genius to figure this one out, did it?

“Christ,” he mumbled, pulling out the bourbon. He poured a double, but stopped with the glass an inch from his lips. With another curse, he pitched the amber liquid down the sink. He filled the kettle, boiled water, and made tea.

As it steeped, he closed his eyes in meditation, counting every breath until his timer went off. 4 minutes.

When he opened his eyes again, it was snowing. Thick flakes, landing softly on the balcony. The Chicago cityscape twinkled in the background.

He thought about Melanie.

He thought about the vacant expression on her face. He’d never seen her like that before. But he recognized the look, from his own reflection, many years ago. 

He remembered being numb, exhausted, white knuckling every moment, startling at the slightest sound. After the accident, his older sister, Cecelia, took care of him. She slept next to him at night. She taught him breathing exercises. She took him to a doctor when things got really bad. And then she took him to another doctor, when the first one turned out to be useless. 

Cee probably saved his life.

Ben wondered if Melanie had her own Cecelia, or if it really was just Wilford. To his credit, the master engineer seemed to be doing everything in his power to put his broken protégé back together. And yet.

Ben frowned as he watched the snow come down. He just knew, something was very wrong.

There is a Part 4, it's coming soon...

[navigatrixnarrations]

Sometimes Always, Chapter 1: Thieves Alley

The first chapter of a canon divergent kind-of fix-it set after Season 3 as encouraged by @whenimaunicorn. The beginning looks familiar because I posted it as a WIP, but it continues.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence and profanity

Words: 2034

Charles Vane once heard that a man can only truly possess that which he cannot lose in a shipwreck. For all the times he’s had to run with nothing but his life in his hands, and those times are many, this most recent is the hardest to bear.

The late autumn sleet beats against the drafty window of his rented room by the wharves. Nor'easters, he learned these storms are called, blowing in off the Atlantic, bringing traffic in the harbor to a standstill and turning the muddy streets into debris-strewn rivers.

Until recently, he spent his entire life in the heat of the West Indies. New York City is cold and unceasingly raw. Its damp chill seeps into his bones and makes old injuries ache damnably. Vane finds himself taking a liking to these storms anyway; they match his mood.

Perhaps he should head to the tavern where he works instead of huddling by the small fire trying to ignore the past. The tavern owner is a freedman, known to give a hand to other former slaves. All Vane had to do was show the brand on his chest and scowl a little, and he was given a job as a bouncer. The irony of it: Charles Vane, notorious scourge of the seas, reduced to breaking up drunken brawls and preventing grown men from pissing on the floor under an assumed name. Still, he’s alive and free, right under the noses of the fucking English…

He’s definitely being followed. He dislikes being followed. He turns to see that several of the tavern-goers are coming toward him, an assortment of weapons in hand. He dryly thinks that times must be hard indeed if they intend to rob him of his pay; split several ways it wouldn’t even be enough for a mug of ale each. A pistol goes off, grazing a leg just barely recovered from the last time he was shot, and Vane staggers. His attackers are nearly upon him when a slightly-built figure leaps between them. A low-pitched female voice, an oddly familiar voice, calls out something in what Vane recognizes as Dutch. There is laughter from the others, and they withdraw.

The woman approaches, her hands empty, reaching down to assist him. He gets the impression of large eyes in an angular face, a dark coat wrapped tight against the mist. Is it? Can it be?

She looks at him as if seeing a ghost, albeit a ghost with whom she is slightly cross. Then she remembers herself. “Charles.” Her expression turns wry. “Did I hear them refer to you as ‘Mr. Thatch’ back there at the tavern?”

He checks her face for any sign of fury, and sees none. “I can’t very well go by my own name now, can I, Miss Teach.”

“It’s Mrs. Sullivan now. And no, I suppose you can’t. I’m sure my father wouldn’t mind you using one of his last names; you’re more his child than I ever was.” Her tone is matter-of-fact, without bitterness.

He forces a levity to his voice that he does not feel. “So you married Sully? How is he, anyway?” At least she wedded a brave man and a kind one.

She shuts her eyes slowly, shakes her head, then reopens them. “He’s been dead three years. Took a bullet to the head in a raid.”

“Margaret, I’m…”

“Save the platitudes, Charles. They don’t suit you.” She looks tired, her eyes far away. “He was right beside me when it happened. He died free and he didn’t suffer.”

He doesn’t know what to say to that. What can he possibly say to that. Memories of the three of them as teenagers, skylarking in the rigging of the Revenge. Vane was the strongest, Margaret was the fastest, and Sully, well, Sully was acrobatic and fearless. And Sully made her laugh, something she did far too seldom. Vane envied him that ability.

She turns her sharp gaze back to him. "If you’re wondering what I said to your new friends back there, I told them that while it is clear that the only thing you use your head for is growing hair, entering Thieves Alley alone as you did with a pocket full of coin, it would be cruel to deprive you of it."

In spite of himself, he huffs out a short laugh. She’s studying him, and he thinks she sees the question that he cannot bring himself to ask aloud. I missed you. Did you miss me?

“My last words to you were cruel.” She takes a deep breath, steeling herself. “I regret them. I’m glad I have the opportunity to tell you so.” Why did I get you out of there if you’re going to go do her bidding, be her attack dog? She doesn’t love you, Charles, she’s incapable of loving anyone. And now you’re walking right back into another kind of slavery and it was all for nothing. If I never see you again, it will be too soon. She jumped into one of the longboats and never once looked back at him as the men rowed it out to the ship. He wanted to call out to her to stay, that he changed his mind, but youthful stupid pride made the words stick in his throat. In the end he watched her climb the rope ladder to the Revenge, watched her sail out of Nassau Harbor, watched her disappear over the horizon...

Vane holds her gaze because he’s certain that she would not welcome him holding her body. “Everything you said to me was true, though I couldn’t see that at the time. You had every reason to hate me.”

Margaret tilts her head to one side. “I never hated you, though I tried. Never even resented you, really.” She sighs. “I resented my father for wanting a son so badly that he all but ignored me once you arrived, and I resented the hell out of myself for trying so hard to win his approval.” She pauses. “You’re shivering.”

He starts to deny it but Margaret rolls her eyes at him. “Yes, I know, you’re tougher than the rain and wind and you’re made out of pain and hunger, but you’re not dressed for this climate. Let’s get you in front of a fire. I didn’t come to your aid yet again for you to catch consumption in fucking stinking Thieves Alley.” Vane knows better than to argue with her when she takes that tone.

He falls into step beside her and follows her through a series of alleyways, up some back stairs to a garret. It’s two rooms, sparse but clean, a fire burned down to embers in the small hearth. She drags two chairs and a small table closer to the fireplace and gestures for him to sit while she sets about stoking the fire. He finds himself admiring the quiet confidence with which she moves, the deft precision of her hands. That hasn’t changed. The wooden chair feels like heaven after a night on his feet, and the fire quickly warms the small room. He slouches back and stares into the flames while Margaret bustles around, hanging her coat on a peg, boiling the kettle. Unconsciously, the fingers of one hand worry at the scar on his neck left by the hangman’s noose. It’s slight, but it’s there. In most ways he’s recovered from his brief hempen jig. He can sometimes go hours without thinking of it, but there will always be reminders. Much, Vane muses, like his years sailing with Edward Teach and daughter.

Everything hurt. The latest flogging from the taskmaster tore his back open from shoulder to waist, and he could barely stand. His whole body was wracked with fever. He heard a girl’s voice, and a man’s voice, both unfamiliar, distorted-sounding, and then he was being carried. He must have lost consciousness; when he came to, the whole world was swaying and he heard the creaking of boards, waves lapping against the...hull? Why was he on a ship? Had he been sold again? And then a girl about his own age was looking down at him with a grave expression, her hair in a braid and her big eyes curious. “Where am I?” he asked her. “You’re on the Revenge,“ she said, and, seeming to intuit his next question, she added “you’re free now. We’re all free here. We’re pirates.” There was pride in her voice and her posture at that last. He later learned he was free because Margaret Teach talked her father into taking him with them.

In the silence that has fallen between them, his stomach growls. He tries to ignore it, but she’s heard. She fetches bread and cheese from a box on the windowsill, a bottle of rum, and a pair of dented tin mugs into which she pours tea, putting it all on the table between them.

That’s what seemed off. She’s wearing a dress, and it’s all wrong. It flatters her well, but it’s all wrong. A proper pirate like her, dressed like a merchant’s wife.

Margaret raises an eyebrow at the look on his face. “It isn't poisoned, Charles” she says dryly as she pours rum into her tea. “If I wanted you dead, you’d be dead by now. I wouldn’t waste good rum.”

He takes the offered bottle and adds a heavy pour to his own tea, then takes a sip and lets it burn all the way down to his belly. “Thrown your lot in with civilization, have you?”

“No.” Her knuckles whiten on the edge of the table and she scowls. “I fucking hate it here.”

He reaches over and places a hand on hers, and is gratified when she doesn’t pull it away. “You’re like me, Magpie. We belong at sea.”

“We do.” Her voice is quiet, wistful. “Nobody’s called me that since Sully died.”

Sully grinned at the way Margaret's eyes tracked the doubloon that Vane set dancing back and forth across his knuckles. “You’re a magpie, that’s what you are.”

“ What’s a magpie?” she asked.

“Very clever little bird, a bit like a crow. They’ll steal anything that catches their eye, especially if it’s shiny, and they’ll have a go at birds of prey many times their size. They live in England.”

Margaret curled her lip. “Fuck England.”

“Fuck England,” Sully agreed. “Rest of it suits you, though.”

Vane thought it was apt for the clever dark-haired pirate girl. His fierce little Magpie.

She turns her hand over in his and gives it a brief squeeze. “I don’t mind you calling me that.” They finish their meal in silence, but it almost feels like the silence of old times. As in old times, it’s easy to fall back into task organizing without needing to discuss it much; he clears up the remnants of their meal while she makes up a cot for him near the hearth.

He hadn’t expected her to invite him to her bed, not really; she never did in the past, and the disastrous choices he made when he was a young man likely destroyed any chance of that in the future. They’re no longer children with a habit of falling asleep in a pile among coils of rope like a litter of alley cats between their watches. But now, all these years later, they’re reunited. It will have to be enough.

From the other room, he hears a sob, quickly stifled. Vane knows Margaret doesn’t want him to know she’s crying, perhaps wants it less even than he wants her to cry, yet how can he ignore the pain she’s in? He tries her door, only to find she’s bolted it from within. He returns to his cot. Eventually sleep takes him, and by some mercy, he does not dream.

[imagineaworlds]

I Love You (Part Forty-Two) -- Aaron Hotchner

Written By: @desperately-bisexual

Request: None.

Warnings: Cursing. Mentions of kidnapping. Mentions of death, torture, sexual assault, panic attack, PTSD-- everything Criminal Minds. Talk of sex, BDSM, Dom/sub relationship, etc.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Greenaway!Reader

Word Count: 12469

Timeline: Season 6 Episode 09. A month after part forty-one.

A/N: Hi, my loves. I might be taking a very short break. School is..... it's a lot right now. I think that between school and the way my friends have been getting into my head about Criminal Minsd/Hotch/Thomas, I've just kind of fallen out of love temporarily. I'm finishing up Sense8 rn, and then I'm going to start watching Tales of the City to help revamp my love for Thomas, and in turn Hotch and Criminal Minds. Chapter 43 is going to be a long one, so I just need ya'll to bear with me for a bit as I get to writing it. I love you guys! <3

A week stuck in the house after getting back from Hawai’i was a week too long. All I wanted to do was get back to work and act like nothing happened, because, really, nothing did happen. Yeah, something happened, but it could have been way worse. I handled the situation before it could get bad, and the team found me. As for the only surviving Unsub who took me, Morgan and Emily went to question him after he got out of surgery. They asked him about this website that Foyet had supposedly set up for his fans, but by the time they got the name of it, it was gone, and Garcia couldn’t find anything about it. She searched far and wide, even trying to recover the site itself, but whoever really set it up was good, and they knew how to cover their tracks.

All we knew was how the site operated. According to the Unsub, there were levels of the “membership”. Those who wanted to join Foyet’s little minion club, or whatever the fuck it was, had to start at level one with a misdemeanor. The higher up they wanted to move through the levels, the more intense the crimes got. The third to last level, the one the Unsub and his friends were on, was killing me. Throughout the whole ordeal— from the moment they bid on the task in the level, up until I managed to shoot two of them, they were in contact with the person in charge. He told them where to find me, when to take me, how to do it, where to take me, what to do about the call, but they came to a screeching halt when they were told that they needed to send a piece of me, one at a time, to Hotch and Jack. For a group of criminals who worked through the levels of robbery, rape, child abductions, and animal murder, it was surprising to me that they wouldn’t even try to follow their orders. I mean, they could have at least— Maybe that wasn’t anything to ponder on.

When asked what the last two levels were, however, the Unsub told us that he didn’t know because the bids were hidden from anyone on the lower levels. They had been the first group to make it to the “my” level, no one knew what the last two were. If I had to guess, though, based on what I knew about Foyet and his mission to ruin Hotch’s life, I was going to take a wild guess that the second one was likely hurting Jack— which was already unthinkable— and the first… the first was Hotch.

Foyet liked torturing Hotch. From the stabbings to killing Haley, Foyet enjoyed making Hotch’s life a living hell. Even from the grave, Foyet was doing his best to break down Hotch. He wanted Hotch’s life to fall apart around him, to have him lose everything before he would finally be targeted, too. From what we knew, the only task the Unsubs had with me was sending me off in pieces. That was it. The consideration to do more, the conversations I had overheard, was of their own volition; but it also happened to be their downfall. With Hotch, the task was probably to make it as painful as possible. Honestly, I didn’t want to consider the options after knowing what Foyet had already done.

After the Unsub was out of the hospital, our questioning completed, he was processed, and it was finally out of our hands. When we got home, I practically collapsed in the doorway, catching Jack in my arms as he ran to me for a Superman hug. I had never been more relieved to see him in my life since Foyet took him. I held him in my arms for as long as I could, even when he tried to protest that I was hugging him too tight. I never wanted to let him go. Even when he started asking questions about what happened on our vacation, because something was clearly wrong, I just stayed as still and quiet as possible because I just wanted to hold my son in my arms.

Hotch made me stay home for the week following that while he practically catered to my ever want and need. In a way, I suppose, I was under house arrest. All I was missing was the ankle monitor; and, honestly, it wouldn’t have surprised me if I would have woken up with one on. Hotch was being a little too protective since it happened. While I tried to not blame him because he was obviously still trying to get over the fact that he could have lost me, I just wanted to get back out there and live my life. I wanted to get back into the field; I wanted to see our friends; I wanted to mess around with Morgan and Emily all the time. I didn’t want to feel like a wounded, little lamb.

What happened to me wasn’t even that bad, as I said. All I had were a few cuts and bruises, yet Hotch was acting like my entire body was broken and he needed to do everything for me. He didn’t go to work, he hardly even let me out of my sight. It was like the days following Haley’s death where I watched Hotch and Jack like a hawk because I was afraid that if I let them out of my sight for even a moment, I would never see them again. Hotch probably felt the same way about me this time around… But I really just needed him to take a step back and let me breathe.

When I did get back to work about a month after Hawai’i, it wasn’t an easy transition. All the way to the office, Hotch tried to convince me into reconsidering going back. If it were up to him, I would have been at home for the next nine months or so. But I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to be locked up for months on end, sitting around, worrying about Hotch and the rest of the team as they went out to work on hundreds of cases without me. That wasn’t going to happen. I had a life to get back to. I could deal with my trauma outside of work— just like Hotch, who was still going to therapy because of what happened with Foyet while still going to work, too. And if he was just worried about me being pregnant, which I was sure was a factor, then he had to understand that it wasn’t a big deal yet. It was a miracle, of course, but it wasn’t impeding my ability to work just yet.

I just had to keep reminding Hotch that I had been to hell and back a thousand times, and this was just one more thing to add to the shit list. If I could get through all of that, I could get through this. But if Hotch started blowing this all out of proportion and made a big deal out of it, we were going to have problems. I compared it to when he found out the truth about those photos the Fisher King had taken out of my jewelry box, and he promised that he wouldn’t treat me any differently knowing what he knew now. I needed that understanding back. He always told me that he trusted my judgement—if he didn’t, he would have never let me go near that train Elle was being held hostage on in Texas a few years back—so I just needed him to trust me now. I was going to be fine. I was fine.

On Tuesday, after driving into work and getting some reports done, the team gathered in the roundtable room to discuss potential cases. Only, JJ already had a case in mind. Daniel Lanham, a ten year old boy, was reported missing on a camping trip by his father last November… Over a year ago… He was never found. In fact, the case had run so cold, that the police were initially grasping at straws by trying to pin the whole disappearance on the father. However, with no forensic evidence tying him to a crime, they couldn’t arrest him; but now that Daniel’s body had just appeared on the Appalachian Trail, questions were starting to stir and fingers were being pointed again.

I stared at the photo of that boy’s decayed body. He was only ten. How could someone do this to a child—How could someone do this to their own child, if that were really the case. I mean, there were signs of care and remorse with the body that indicated personal attachment that a father could potentially have. Daniel’s body had been wrapped in a plastic bag that was buried underground and covered by elements, all in the name of preserving and protecting the body from weather, animals, natural accelerated decay, etc. But this was an opportunistic crime. Our Unsub, if he was hunting for a victim on the Appalachian Trail, had to sit and wait for the perfect boy to come along. Or if Daniel’s father was responsible, he had to wait until his son was alone with him. Either way, it was an opportunity that arose, not a sophisticated, targeted attack. That was… unless…

“JJ, are there any more missing persons or mysterious deaths on the trail that could be connected to this?” I asked.

“The Rangers contacted me with this case, and they claimed that they’ve never seen anything like it. So, I’m going to assume not. But I’ll check with them when we get on the jet, just in case.”

“It says here that Daniel’s father went back to the trail every month in search for his son?” Hotch questioned, looking through the file. “And then he stopped in March.” He stopped in his tracks as a realization hit him. “Which is about the same time the M.E. estimates Daniel was killed.” He closed his case file. “Y/N, we’ll talk to Mr. Lanham when we arrive at the Park Ranger’s office. JJ, can you have them organize that while we’re on the jet and you’re contacting them about similar cases?”

“Sure,” she answered.

“Prentiss and Morgan, when we get to the trail, you guys should head out to where Daniel Lanham’s body was found in order to get an understanding of this Unsub’s level of mental stability.”

By that, he was alluding to the fact that we weren’t sure if our Unsub was Mr. Lanham or not. If this presented as organized or disorganized, it would help us conclude on way or another, and if there was anything else important out there that they Rangers missed, it might help us build our profile. So, it truly made sense that we would send someone out there. But I wished that it were me. Hotch usually teamed me up with Morgan—or, at times, Morgan and Emily. I wanted to go on the trail with them so bad. But Hotch wanted me to stay back in the Ranger’s office with him in order to question Mr. Lanham, even though that was a small enough task for one of us to do alone.

----

The Park Ranger’s office was more like a large cabin. Actually, that was exactly what it was—and it was similar to Gideon’s cabin, but perhaps twice that size. There was one main office where all of the Rangers had been waiting for our arrival, then there was the lead Ranger’s office to the left, and, lastly, set ahead was a boardroom where we could meet privately if need be. As we walked in, we were immediately told that Mr. Lanham was waiting for us in said boardroom.

While Emily and Morgan turned on their heels to head straight out to the trail as Hotch ordered, Rossi, Reid, and JJ moved to the table in the middle of the room that had a large map taped down to it for us to get our bearings. Reid immediately started building the geographical profile. So, while he was busy with that, and JJ and Rossi were getting caught up with the Ranger’s investigation, Hotch and I headed into the boardroom.

Hotch held the door open for me. I silently thanked him as I headed inside to see Mr. Lanham sitting at a desk, never looking up to acknowledge us. We carefully approached.

“Mr. Lanham, I’m Agent Hotchner, this is Agent Greenaway, and we’re with the Behavior Analysis Unit at the FBI. We’ve been called in to investigate your son’s death.” Hotch pulled a chair out for me. “We need to ask you some questions.” After I sat down, Hotch moved to take a seat in the chair next to me.

Mr. Lanham shrugged, keeping his eyes lowered, his hands in his lap, his leg shaking nervously under the table. All signs that he had issues with authority. Some of them were signs of guilt, but they could also be attributed to his frustration with the FBI questioning him when he thought that everyone had forgotten him as a suspect. I understood why he felt that way. However, it was necessary to ask him these questions in order to confirm or deny if he had any involvement in his son’s death. So far, it was inconclusive.

“You went almost twice a month out to the site where your son disappeared from November to March. And then you stopped going.”

He nodded. “That’s correct.”

“Why? Why stop at the same time he died? Because that looks awfully suspicious to us, Mr. Lanham.”

“I don’t know. Alright? I just—” He let out a heavy sigh as his body slumped in his seat. A sign of defeat rather than guilt. “I had this… feeling that he was gone. And it was taking too much out of me to keep searching. You probably don’t know what that feels like.”

I glanced over at Hotch. When Foyet took Haley and Jack, I had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that something terrible was going to happen, and no one was going to be able to stop it. And then Haley died. My suspicions had been confirmed, my heart shattered in my chest, and yet… the anxiety dialed back. I could remember still being hysterical and worried out of my mind because I wasn’t sure if Hotch and Jack were dead; but… Now that we were sitting there and Mr. Lanham had brought up this “feeling” he had, I realized that some part of me that day knew that they were still alive. I still had a sliver of hope that Jack was just hiding, safe and sound in his secret spot, and I had a feeling that Hotch was alright. And I was correct. Hotch was beaten and broken, of course, but he was alive. And my little man was alive. So, I understood that “feeling” Mr. Lanham had referred to.

Hotch moved on. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you used to take Daniel camping every weekend.”

“Yes. His mother had full custody, but she allowed me to see him on the weekends.”

Hotch and I knew that feeling all too well. Haley practically had full custody, but she allowed us to see Jack whenever we were in town; but it was still hard. Co-parenting was hard. I couldn’t imagine how Hotch did it alone all those years.

“So, the night he disappeared, what happened?” I asked. Mr. Lanham didn’t respond because he seemed at a loss for words. Even though he had recited his story a thousand times for local police, state police, Park Rangers, and so on, he couldn’t find the right words anymore. I really couldn’t blame him.

“You set up camp…” Hotch began egging him on once he noticed Mr. Lanham’s hesitancy. “You fell asleep… And then… A man came into your tent?”

“No. No one came into the tent. Daniel got up because he had to use the bathroom. He didn’t wake me up because he was in that phase where he was convinced that he didn’t need his dad protecting him all the time…” He sniffled. “So, I rolled over and I went back to sleep. I should’ve—” His voice cracked behind a sob. “I should’ve gone after him. But I didn’t.”

“Mr—” I began, but he interrupted me.

“I was his hero, and I failed,” Mr. Lanham cried before hiding his face in his hands out of shame.

I recognized the look on his face as he had said it, though. It was the same look Hotch wore for months after Haley died. He was ashamed that he couldn’t have done more to save her, and he failed at being Jack’s superhero when he needed it most.

“I don’t care that you all think I’m guilty. Because I am! I am guilty! I didn’t protect my son when he needed me most.” He looked up at us. “If I could go to prison for that, I would.”

Without a doubt, I knew that there was no way Mr. Lanham hurt his son. That kind of thinking—that sort of regret couldn’t be replicated by any kind of sociopath. No. Only a true grieving father who had been through hell could possibly feel that way. And since I had seen Hotch go through the exact same motions after Haley’s death, I knew that Mr. Lanham was innocent, and that he wasn’t putting any kind of show on for us. He genuinely regretted that night.

But I just couldn’t sit there and keep listening to his distraught cries. The way he was sobbing while blaming himself for something he had no control over only took me back to over a year ago where Hotch practically collapsed in my arms after Haley’s wake, and he pleaded with me about moving houses because he couldn’t stand being in that house anymore. The cries were eerily similar. And the worst part was, that parental regret that Mr. Lanham was starting to rub off on me when it came to Jack, and now the regret was turning into panic with our baby. Fuck.

I stood and saw myself out of the boardroom. Hotch was hot on my heels, likely because he didn’t want to listen to it any longer, either. The superhero thing hit too hard. We were Jack’s superheroes—we always had been—and the day that Foyet killed Haley, we failed him. We couldn’t protect him and his mom practically the one time it mattered most. Before, I used to regret that deeply, of course, but now that there were… other factors involved… I felt all of that ten times harder now, and it made me reflect on what the hell Hotch and I were actually going to do to prevent something like that from happening ever again. I didn’t want it to be Jack or our baby that we would lose next time—No. There would be no next time… This was exactly why I had to get away from Mr. Lanham while he was like that.

Apparently, Emily and Morgan had gotten back from the trail while we were talking to Daniel’s dad. They were standing around the map table in the middle of the office, a marker in Emily’s hand as they told Rossi and Reid everything they found out there. More bodies. And by more, I mean a lot more. Where they went to find Daniel’s burial ground, they ended up finding at least a dozen other bodies that Rangers were working to dig up currently so that they could be identified. So, this just turned serial.

“His name is Tyler Dale. He was the same age as Daniel when he went missing, and he was on a family trip when it happened,” Morgan explained, catching me and Hotch up to date with what everyone else knew.

Reid immediately scurried off with this new information to work on something that was churning in his mind, something that he couldn’t explain to us quite yet or it would ruin his thought process. We all turned to watch him silently work. We knew that whatever it was, it was likely important, and likely to help us. Honestly, if I were to guess, now that I was watching him scan through both Daniel and Tyler’s files a mile a minute, he was probably working on victimology. If he wasn’t, I was going to start. He was the fast reader, but I was the quick spotter. I almost wanted to challenge him one day into seeing who could solve a cold or closed case first—like the Foothpath Killer. Considering I solved that one the fastest, and Gideon was incredibly impressed, I was sure I could win against Spencer Reid.

And then he jumped to his feet with a thought. Okay… So, maybe he would put up a good fight. But I liked a challenge. I kept considering it as Reid set the files out on the map table and started dialing Garcia’s number on the conference phone. I cocked a brow at him. What was it that he found? Or, actually, what was it that he thought he had found?

“Garcia—” Reid began.

“Oh, it’s the boy wonder!” she cheered. “You never call me. It’s so isolating…”

Reid smiled lightly in response. “Sorry. We’ve been a bit busy.”

“I forgive you. I guess.”

Those of us who were standing around chuckled somewhat. Reid immediately turned back to his work when he shook it off, though, so that he could get back to what it was he called her for. “Can you look up the missing persons reports on the trail, specifically young boys between the ages of nine to thirteen.”

“I’m gonna need more than that.”

“The Unsub’s probably in his late thirties to forties, so disregard any cases older than twenty years.”

“What are you doing?” Rossi asked, utterly confused.

Reid hardly acknowledged Rossi when he answered with, “Speeding up the process of identifying those kids.” He grabbed a pen. “Garcia, narrow it down to boys with dark hair only. How many do we have now?”

“Twelve.”

Emily’s eyes widened. “They’ve only found ten bodies so far.”

Reid stood tall. “Yeah, but they’re still looking. It’s entirely possible those other two boys are out there. Garcia, which of those is the oldest case?”

“Um… Victor Dane disappeared when he was ten… and that was…” Garcia paused and gulped. “Oh. Fifteen years ago. They never found out what happened to him, but Rangers at the time suspected that he just happened to get lost.” That was usually their excuse when people went missing out there.

“What time of year was that?”

“October 20th.”

Reid was scribbling notes down on a piece of paper in one of the kids’ files. “What about the other boys? Did they all disappear around that time?”

“Yeah… How did you…”

“Thanks, Garcia.” Reid hung up on her without any consideration, and he stood to face all of us.

As we all huddled around, Reid began explaining how the cogs turning in his head had just come up with a dozen different answers to the problems we were facing. For our profile of the Unsub, we were missing any kind of link between how, when, and why the victims were taken. But Reid figured it out. Now that we had the identity of another kid, he was able to connect some of the dots, but what Garcia told him explained it all clearly to him. Our Unsub was crossing stateliness, which was why no one connected the dots—and he was spending months doing so. To hike the entire trail would take about six months. He was taking his victims in the fall, and we knew from Tyler and Daniel, he was killing the boys in the winter…

He was torturing them for months on end… He got away with it because no one knew that he existed.

I cringed and took a step back and away from the group. I felt Hotch’s eyes following me, so I didn’t let any emotion show that would give away the panic building in my chest. What if Hotch had thought that I just wandered off in Hawai’i? What if he had really been convinced that I left to go back to the Mainland—that I had left him… No one knew that those men who took me existed. No one knew that there were people out there who were so loyal to The Reaper. No one knew that I was a target. I could have died if Hotch didn’t know me so well. I could have died if the team didn’t have enough trust in him and I to know that something was wrong. I could have ended up like those boys that were being dug up in the forest.

I swallowed all of my pain.

----

That night, Hotch forced me to go back to the hotel with him while the team stayed at the Ranger’s office to have a long night of working. I think this move of his had more to do with Hawai’i than anything else. He was worried that I wasn’t better. He thought that I was suppressing any memories or PTSD in order to trick him into thinking that I was alright. And maybe I was. Maybe I wasn’t at all okay because every time I closed my eyes, I was terrified that someone else who had seen “Foyet’s website” would come to kill me, Jack, or Hotch. I was dreading a call from home while we were gone on this case that would tell us that someone took our little man from us. Foyet was always cruel. There was no doubt about it. But I never thought that it would get this far after death, after Hotch had bashed his face in to the point he was unrecognizable.

I needed rest desperately. For once, I wasn’t going to argue with Hotch about something related to dictating my life. Because I clearly needed to sleep, but Hotch didn’t, he decided to set up shop at the desk while I rolled into bed, which meant that I could afford to at least close my eyes because someone was keeping watch. Usually, Hotch fell asleep without struggle. If I were wrapped in his arms, it would take only a few minutes before he would completely crash and start snoring in my ear—but I could never fell asleep. If I did, there was a chance someone could take him from me. Something like Hawai’i could happen to him if I weren’t careful. So, I stayed up nearly every night just to ensure no one would come in and take him—or even to make sure that no one was lurking in the house to hurt Jack. But Hotch was staying up now. He was sitting at the desk, looking over the case, facing the door and the window, which was a reassurance to me that meant that no one could sneak up on him now.

So, I relaxed.

After a few minutes, I heard Hotch get up to grab his pajamas and toiletries from his go-bag and head into the bathroom. My eyes followed him until he closed the door.

I curled up on the bed, bringing my knees up ever so slightly towards my chest, and I laid my hands over my stomach. It was so odd… Everything felt normal, but it clearly wasn’t. Between the fact that Hotch was being overprotective and that I was subconsciously protecting my stomach more, it was obvious that I was pregnant; but I wasn’t showing yet, and I technically couldn’t even feel anything yet. It was just knowledge and an unconscious drive to protect something we couldn’t even see or feel. But the strangest part of it all was that I couldn’t wait to have more than that. I couldn’t wait to hold our baby, to see if they got mine or Hotch’s eyes, or what color hair they would end up with. Every second that we wasted just knowing and not seeing was torture. I was just excited to skip the next few months and finally have them in my arms.

Hotch came out of the bathroom, his face washed, teeth brushed, hair combed out of his face, and his suit switched out for his pajamas. When he saw my curled on the bed, he smiled. I smiled back at him. Despite how tense I had been about his protective behavior, I could find myself relaxing and falling in love with him over and over again every time he looked at me like that. It was this sparkle in his eyes that spoke volumes about how much he eternally loved me. And that smile… It was this slight curl at the corner of his lips that ever so slowly turned into a wide, toothy grin the longer he stared at me. It was pure joy. And it was absolutely contagious. I found that every time I spotted that smile growing on his face, I’d start smiling ear to ear, laughing at how cute and silly he was.

Aaron Hotchner… Cute and silly… It was strange to think about that sometimes—how I knew him in that capacity when no one else even got a hint of that side of him. In fact, most people didn’t know that he was capable of smiling. But he was. He was capable of so much, and he was deserving of every happiness in the world. After everything he had been through, I could confidently say he earned eternal bliss.

“You okay?” he asked quietly. He always whispered when he was afraid of disturbing me because he was taken by the way I was just… existing. I wasn’t doing anything special, yet he didn’t want me to move. I could tell that he wanted to remember me like that for a little longer.

I nodded. “Yeah. Just thinking.”

“About?” He moved to sit down at the end of the bed, bringing my feet onto his lap so that he could massage them lightly. I relaxed immediately. When he started rubbing his thumb into the arch of my foot, I rotated somewhat so that I was laying on my back and looking at him.

“What Mr. Lanham said about his son,” I answered. “I’m terrified that something is going to happen to our kid, Aaron. Terrified. We know what’s out there—We know who’s out there. How can we possibly protect them from all the evils out there?”

“We just try our best.”

“Mr. Lanham tried his best. You tried your best. What if I can’t try my best?”

Hotch moved his thumbs to the pads of my feet. “It’s hard, Y/N. I’m not going to lie. All that pain and panic you feel on behalf of Jack is going to be ten times worse now with your own flesh and blood. That doesn’t mean that you love Jack any less—please don’t take it that way. But it is different when they’re your own. So, this anxiety you’re feeling now is entirely valid. Trust me. But it’s a day by day thing. You do your best one day, and then you try even harder the next. That’s all you can do. There’s no point in dwelling on what you could have done better or what horribly thing can potentially happen.”

“And if we fail?”

“We won’t.”

“How do—”

“We won’t,” he said more sternly.

I reached out to squeeze his bicep, since that was all I could reach and reaffirm. Maybe I did understand why he wanted to protect me. Maybe he was just doing his best with me, and he felt that his day to day best wasn’t enough. But it was. Actually, it was more than enough.

“I love you.”

He kissed his way up from my ankle to my hip, slowly moving around until he was hovering over me and I was giggling at the way his kisses tickled to me. I punched at his pecks lightly in a playful attempt to make him stop. But he didn’t. He only smirked and moved to kiss my stomach. I ran my fingers through his hair, encouraging him to stay there because I loved how it felt. I loved thinking to myself that we knew something was there, though we couldn’t see it, yet he had an instinct to still show me every bit of love. Especially there.

“I love you,” he whispered against my stomach.

----

In the morning. Hotch and I woke to a call from the Park Rangers that two kids had just been reported missing on the trail. A boy and a girl. Robert and Ana Copeland. That didn’t match our Unsub’s M.O. at all, but we simply couldn’t take the chance. Knowing that the body count out in the forest was only increasing with every knew hole Rangers were digging out there, it was entirely possible that the Unsub was spiraling. It wasn’t worth ignoring. If it meant potentially saving those kids, we were going to at least look into it. If it turned out that it had nothing to do with our case, it would be passed on to the Rangers and local PD, who could hopefully help the parents seek closure.

Until then, we had to try our best. So, we hurried out of bed and raced to the Ranger’s office. When we got there, JJ was already setting up a search party with the Rangers and local volunteers who found out that the kids went missing and wanted to help. Hotch pulled me to the side before we stepped in.

“You should stay here with Reid, give us some outside geographical help,” he offered.

I cocked a brow at him, scoffed, then walked away. There was no fucking way I was doing that. Fucking ridiculous. “JJ,” I said, tapping her shoulder. She turned to face me. “I’ll take the far East quadrant.” I pointed to her map, signaling to the area of the forest that I was referring to. It happened to be the smallest with the least amount of volunteers to oversee, so I figured that Hotch would at least compromise on that. “And I’ll check out the—"

Hotch suddenly grabbed my bicep a little harder than expected and started pulling me to the board room to talk to me privately. He let go of my arm as I stumbled inside, catching my balance quickly before turning to face him. He was frowning like he was angry with me. My eyes followed him as he locked the door then proceeded to turn all of the blinds up so that they were closed, making it so that no one could see into the room.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked me, crossing his arms over his chest once the room was made private and dark.

I shrugged. “I’m going to go help those kids.”

He shook his head. “I’m benching you.”

“Hotch—”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

He was oddly calm. Usually, if I gave him push back like this, he’d try to be a little more demanding— whether it be with his boss or Sir tone. Either would have worked on me, but he was still holding back. Asshole. Just fucking crack. Please. Give me something in response to my pushback. Recognize that I’m fucking with you because I want you back, and just do something! Please!

“You can’t bench me—”

Hotch’s eyes narrowed. “I’m pulling you from the field. You shouldn’t have come back this early. And I don’t want you to get hurt, especially since there are new factors involved.”

I chuckled. So that was what this was about. I wasn’t even showing, and he was already losing his shit. This was exactly why I was scared to tell him I was pregnant in the first place. I knew that this would fucking happen. “That’s bullshit,” I snapped. I just wanted him to fight with me. Was that too much to ask? “You didn’t pull JJ out of the field until she was too pregnant to even walk.”

“That was different.”

“It really fucking isn’t, Aaron! I’m going to go out there and I’m going to help find those kids and our Unsub, and there’s really nothing you can do to stop me right now. If you want to pull me out of the field, then you’re going to have to wait until we get back to the office and tell Strauss exactly why.” I started making my way towards the door. “Until then, I’m going—"

Hotch stepped in my way, making me crash into him slightly, but he didn’t waver. “Sit down and shut up,” Hotch demanded gruffly.

I gulped and instinctively took an obedient seat on the couch. There was the Hotch I knew. I found him in there somehow, which meant that I was right about him holding back on my behalf. He still wanted to be rough with me, I could see it in his eyes; but he was doing everything in his power to not do it because he thought I was fragile. I wasn’t fragile. He knew better than anyone that I wasn’t fragile. Hopefully, all it would take was this one snap and we’d be back in business.

Hotch paced the room for a moment before stopping just in front of me. He roughly pinched my face with one hand to make me look up at him. “You want things to be normal? Fine. Stop being a brat and listen to my orders. You’re staying here with Reid, and that’s the end of it.” He let go of my face.

“Yes, Sir.” I nodded.

His chest fell as he let out a relieved sigh, “Good girl.” He ran his fingers through his hair as he caught his breath, trying to come to terms with what he had just done, and how he thought it was entirely out of line. “Sorry,” he whispered under his breath, ashamed.

I shook my head while standing. “I love you.” I took his face in my hands and kissed him gingerly. “I’m sorry for pushing your buttons.”

He kissed me back. “It’s okay.” He let go of me, and I let go of him, then, within an instant, Hotch was storming off towards the door. “Call me if you and Reid find anything.”

I hesitantly agreed, watching him leave the board room and head out with the team, the Rangers, and all of the volunteers. It was just me and Reid in the Park Ranger’s office now. He glanced over at me, confusion written all over his face, but I just shrugged it off. I didn’t need him asking questions when I was still coming to terms with it myself.

I shook my head, unfolded my arms, and headed to the map table to search it with my eyes and fingers to find anywhere that stood out to me as a good place to hide out for the winter and to keep hostages. Reid was hovering over it with a pen in hand in order to help him pinpoint certain areas. When he saw something, he circled it. The only time I spotted something, I asked him to circle it, too.

Yet, all I could think about was Hotch while I should have been thinking about those kids that were out there, scared out of their wits as a monster did who knew what with them. I should have been focused. We weren’t supposed to let our emotions get in the way, which was a main concern Hotch and I had when we initially started dating. We couldn’t forget our work. We couldn’t let our relationship get in the way of saving lives. And I was trying to remind myself of that while staring at that map, attempting to force my eyes to focus in on something, but I just couldn’t. My mind was elsewhere.

“He’s probably hiding them in a cave,” he continued. I hummed a thoughtless agreement. “Somewhere near water so that he can live off the land.” I agreed again. “And then aliens came down and took them.” I hummed again. “What’s wrong with you?” Reid asked, circling a waterfall on the map. I cocked a brow, knowing that he could sense my confusion without having to look up. “I mean… I don’t want to pry, but something’s off.”

“It’s nothing,” I insisted. I knew that he was referring to how Hotch and I were practically dancing around each other, which wasn’t like us at all— especially since we just went through something which should have only brought us closer.

Reid looked up at me through his eyelashes for a brief moment to get a profile on me. He looked back down. “It makes sense, you know,” he commented while still scribbling on the map. I raised a brow, and he sensed my confusion again, so he continued, “Hotch has lost a lot. More than anyone should have to lose. It’s no surprise that he’s being more careful with you than he ever was with anyone else. He’s had to learn and evolve based on his experiences, and that evolution has brought him to being— for a lack of a better term— a helicopter parent. I don't think he’s necessarily trying to suffocate you, like you think he is. In his mind, he’s reminding himself of everything he could have done differently with Haley that could have saved their relationship and her life, and he’s testing out these new behaviors with you.

They say that a mother’s bond with her child is the strongest connection any two humans can have; but we’re still primal creatures, and the fathers have a tendency to become overbearingly protective once they are aware that their mates are carrying their child. Think of it like a wolf marking its territory. The wolf becomes hostile towards anything or anyone that tries to come near its territory because it’s their safe space and they have an instinct to protect it with their life. Fathers of most species are the same way with the mothers of their children, and humans happen to be the worst about it because we’re more advanced creatures—”

“Reid,” I spoke up, catching his attention, “you’re rambling.”

He chuckled self-consciously. “Sorry… I’m just trying to say that… things aren’t going to go back to normal— for a while, at least. He’s trying to make up for his past mistakes. And after what happened in Hawai’i, you can understand why he’s a little uneasy and a little more protective than you’d like. It might help if both of you, I don’t know… set some rules and boundaries.”

I smirked. “Is that the doctor’s advice?”

He shook his head and looked back down at the map. “It’s your friend’s advice.”

“Thank you, Spencer.” I put a hand on his shoulder.

Suddenly, the walkie talkie on the table started buzzing with static. Mine and Reid’s attention to turn to it just before we heard Morgan’s voice echo through the room with an update from the trail, a really good update, actually. They found the daughter. She was safe with him and Emily, and they were sending her back to the office with a Ranger so that I could question her because they couldn’t find her brother anywhere yet. I picked up the walkie to acknowledge his report.

We waited about thirty minutes after the call from Morgan to see the Copelands come in with JJ from the trail while looking around for their daughter who hadn’t arrived yet. JJ showed them to the boardroom so that they could wait there. When they were sitting down and holding each other anxiously, JJ came over to me and Reid and asked if we would be fine with waiting with the Copelands while she headed back out to the trail to work with the other volunteers who had a million questions for her. I shrugged and insisted that she go. I could handle this while Reid kept looking at the map.

On her way out, JJ ran into Ana and the Ranger that had brought her back. Ana was covered in dirt, her jacket torn up, her hair knotted, her eyes sunken out of exhaustion. I didn’t see any bruises on her, though. In fact, from where I was standing, I didn’t see any sign of any kind of abuse—sexual or otherwise. It made sense. Unfortunately, our Unsub’s type was kids, but he preferred boys. Whatever happened out there in the woods, there was probably a reason that Ana was with us and not Robert. Hopefully, she could give us some answers.

After sitting around for a few minutes, watching as the Copelands held their daughter close and let her cry against them, I decided to go in. Sitting there and watching them was just breaking my heart. All it did was remind me of all the times after Haley’s death when Jack would cling to me for dear life, crying into my shoulder until my shirt was soaked and I needed to change. I had never heard anyone sob in pain like that until that dreadful day when Hotch broke down, and then Jack started having nightmares. The two of them were in pain… They just couldn’t stop sobbing and whimpering. Ana was the same way.

I couldn’t cry like that when they found me in Hawai’i. Part of me knew that if I broke down and sobbed like that, then Hotch would have been in even worse shape than he already was. Besides, I had happy news that offset how I was really feeling. We had this little miracle in our lives now, and all of my focus was being drilled into that instead of remembering the panic I felt when I saw Gene standing just behind Hotch on the beach. I had to remember that in just a few months, there would be another little Hotchner running around—just as we had always joked about—and it distracted me from waking up with nightmares of sitting in that cabin, anticipating the moment they would finally decide to get rid of me.

I couldn’t keep thinking about it. I was sick of sitting around and waiting for something to happen. So, I carefully pushed into the room that the Copelands were sitting in, and I entered with a welcoming, kind smile that would help the scared little girl warm up to me. A thought occurred to me. I was never going to let my children be that terrified. Ever. I dreaded being an overbearing parent, but I knew what was out there, and I knew what I needed to do in order to protect my family. I was going to do whatever it would take. Neither of my kids would ever have to be in Ana or Robert’s shoes. No matter what.

“Hi, Ana.” I held my hand out for her to shake, just a simple way of me building rapport with her while also making her feel more adult and brave than she really was. “My name’s Y/N Greenaway, and I’m with the FBI. I’ve been looking for you and your brother, Robert.” She shook my hand warily. As she let go, I sat down in the seat across from her and crossed my ankles over each other. “Are you up for a few questions?”

Ana nodded shyly, tucking under her mother’s arm as much as possible.

“Cool.” I smiled at her. “What do you remember?”

“I shouldn’t’ve left Robert, but he told me to run. He made me promise to go when he distracted the man.”

“You did the right thing, Ana,” I reassured her, playing along with the dodge of my original question.

“But he still has my brother.”

“You being here because you listened to your brother is going to help us, though. I promise. I need you to tell me about the man who took you if we’re going to find Robert. Can you do that?”

She nodded. “We were in a cave…” she began slowly, pondering her words carefully as she tried to push through the nightmares running through her. I knew what that felt like. “He kept us in a cage with toys. Lots and lots of toys. There were no lights, and he stole Robert’s flashlight to make sure we couldn’t see anything.”

“What about the man, Ana?”

It was great that she was already being so open and talkative, but we knew all of this because Morgan and Emily were already searching for a cave, and the Unsub was probably long gone by now if he knew that Ana had escaped. We needed to know about him specifically in order to build the profile and find him.

“He was dirty,” she answered, “and scary. He was tall and fat. He walked funny and didn’t like to talk—”

“What do you mean by ‘he walked funny’?”

“Like, with a limp…”

“So, he was hurt?”

“I think so. That was why he couldn’t catch me, but he could catch Robert. He always took Robert. Never me. He took Robert at one point, and when he came back, he was crying and shaking, and that was when he told me that I needed to run the next time the man came for him. So, Robert pretended like he had to use the bathroom, and the man left the cage unlocked… Robert pushed him over long enough for me to run.” She started to sob. “I shouldn’t have left him!” She hid her face against her mother’s chest. “I shouldn’t’ve left him!”

I rubbed my hand over her back soothingly. “You did really good, Ana. Thank you.”

There was a knock at the door from Reid, a signal that he needed to talk to me privately. I nodded to him. I had gotten everything I could get out of Ana—at least for right now—and it was probably best just to let her relax and be with her family. I knew that after Hawai’i, all I wanted was to be with our family. I wanted Hotch, Jack, Morgan, Emily, Rossi, Reid, and JJ. I needed their support. I needed to know that they were okay, because if they were, then it gave me every reason—or excuse, depending on how you looked at it—to be okay, too. Ana probably needed that right now, too.

So, I silently stepped out of the room, letting the door fall shut quietly. I crossed my arms over my chest as I looked at Reid. He lifted his phone and turned the screen to face me, at which point I saw an image of a flower I was not at all familiar with, and I really had zero clue as to why he was showing it to me. I shrugged.

Reid looked at the photo again. “Emily and Morgan found his cave.”

“Robert?”

“They’re both gone. But Emily sent me this picture.”

“What is it?”

“It’s called Devil’s Claw.”

“Which is…”

“It helps heal swollen joints. Without it, our Unsub will be in a lot of pain.”

I glanced over my shoulder back into the room where Ana was hugging her parents as tight as she could—the same way Jack would always hug me and Hotch whenever he was upset. A superman hug. I looked back at Reid. “She told me that our Unsub walks with a limp. It’s probably connected.”

“If it’s really that bad that he still walks with a limp while taking this, it means he’s going to need more of it. And fast.”

“Where can you get it?”

“I mean, the flower version, like this, is all over the forest out there. But you can get it in pill or powder form on the black market, if you know where to look.”

“He’s going to head into town with Robert,” I realized. “And if he’s spending all of his time out on the trail, not working… That means he doesn’t have any money.”

“He’s going to sell Robert for drugs.”

I hesitated. “He wouldn’t give Robert away entirely. It goes against his M.O. You’re right, he’s going to sell Robert; but not the way you would think.” I hurried over to the walkie talkie sitting on the table and lifted it towards my mouth, pressing the TALK button as fast as I could. “Hotch.” I let go of the button and waited.

“I’m here,” he answered momentarily.

“Everyone needs to come back. Our Unsub isn’t out there anymore. He’s heading into town.”

And they did come back. It took a bit, but the entire team raced to get back to the Ranger’s office, at which point, we started discussing where the Unsub could have possibly gone, using our extremely loose profile we had. It really wasn’t enough to present to the Rangers or PD, but it was barely enough for us to use to our advantage. Knowing that he would have to get his medicine as fast as possible, we knew that he was going to turn to the black market—but in order to know who was possibly selling anything similar to Devil’s Claw, he had to already have connections in that world. Since we had previously deduced that he had been operating on the trail for at least fifteen years, that meant that he probably hadn’t met many criminals since then, so it had to be beforehand. But how did this pattern not appear sooner? Why hadn’t he started kidnapping children or abusing them sooner?

The simple answer was prison. It would explain why he was stagnant for a while, and why he was so fond of hiding in isolation. Not to mention, he probably met other pedophiles in there. And drug dealers. If he was desperate, he was going to meet with someone he knew and could trust to understand his medical condition, and also someone who would be willing to take time with a child as payment.

So, we called Garcia. We asked her to look for a man with a sexual assault history who was released from prison about sixteen years ago, then missed parole meetings fifteen years ago by going entirely off the grid. One would be shocked by how many men matched that description. So, we asked her to look for someone who had originally been housed near other registered sex offenders before going missing. That did the trick.

His name was Shane Wyland, and he had a long medical history when he was in prison. I mean, sex offenders were top targets inside, but he went to the infirmary more than the average pedophile. When I asked if it had to do with swollen joints, she agreed. She told us that Shane had a condition that made it increasingly difficult to keep moving around, even with the medication he was getting. But, in prison, they didn’t have what he needed. So, he had to get it from his bunk mate, another pedophile who was released around the same time as Shane.

“We need an address for his bunk mate,” Hotch insisted.

“That’s the thing,” Garcia began while still typing in order to get the address to us ASAP, “there are a handful of registered sex offenders who all share the same address.”

“What?” I questioned.

“It’s a cluster,” Emily said. When we all cocked a brow at her, she continued, “Since sex offenders can’t be near parks or school zones, their housing options are limited. Usually, they’ll reach out to their buddies from prison and ask if they know anywhere that will house them. That’s how they all end up with each other.”

Hotch shook his head. He hissed, “Garcia, the address, please.”

“Right. Sorry, sir.” She pressed the ENTER key of her computer as hard as she could, and we all felt our phones buzz.

As they all looked at their phones to take note of the building number and street name, I watched Hotch to see if there was any way he would let me go. They had a whole building to clear. I could be an asset. My time was better spent clearing the building with them than sitting around in the Park Ranger’s office, counting the minutes until the team would return. I really fucking hated feeling useless.

The team started collecting their gear, throwing on vests as fast as they could and putting comms in their ears. I waited for Hotch to tell me one way or the other. But, when I didn’t do anything, he didn’t seem to argue. I figured that if I were to move towards them and start gearing up, too, that was when things would have spiraled. All I could do was shake my head in disappointment and move to take a seat at the table with Reid. He was staying behind in case that lead didn’t pan out, which wasn’t very likely, but it was still a good idea to have back up. But he didn’t need me there. That was a one person job, and we all fucking knew it.

“Hey—” JJ called out, hurrying over to me. She slowed as I turned to face her. “Are you and Hotch alright?”

I peered over her shoulder to see Hotch talking to Morgan about how they were going to narrow down where the Unsub was and how we were going to get to him without letting the kid get hurt or die. I looked back at her. “Hotch is trying to pull me out of the field after this case, and we had a fight about it.”

“Oh…” She looked at her feet, almost like she regretted asking in the first place.

Ever since the bombing case in New York, I stopped opening up to JJ about my relationship with Hotch. She had insisted that she thought that Hotch and I were taking things to fast, and she almost seemed to doubt us. It really wasn’t until our wedding that I saw that she had changed her mind. But that was a little too late. By that point, I didn’t necessarily care about any opinion she had on my relationship. I valued her as a friend and a team member, of course; but… this… I just…

“Well,” she began hesitantly, “I know that you’ll figure it out. The two of you always get through it. I hardly hear about you guys fighting, so I wouldn’t stress over it too much.”

I nodded and shrugged. I mean, she was right, actually—kind of throwing what I just thought back in my face. But still. Hotch and I had always been honest and open with each other, which was why we were so successful. If I just listened to Spence, used my words and tried to level with Hotch, then we could sort all of this out and come to a better conclusion than pulling me out of the field entirely.

When they left without a word to me or Reid, I sat down across from Reid. We sat in silence for nearly thirty minutes as we waited around uselessly. The team let us know when they arrived in the city; and they let us know how they were splitting up. Rossi and Hotch were going to stay outside while Emily and Morgan were going to head inside, and JJ was going to coordinate with the local PD that had just appeared on site. A few minutes later, the comms started buzzing with back-and-forths.

“Hey, Hotch,” Emily said into the comms. “It looks like Robert was in the apartment, and there was a struggle. There’s a chance he could have escaped, which means that Shane and his bunk mate are probably chasing him around right now.”

Hotch responded, “Alright. You and Morgan continue to search the building, I’ll start a perimeter set up out here.”

“Got it.”

The comms went quiet again. I pouted and slumped forward, resting my elbows on my knees. Reid watched me through his lashes like he was trying not to stare at me. I glanced back at him. When our eyes met, he cleared his throat and shuffled around in his seat to make it look like he was keeping busy with the files in front of him. I rolled my eyes.

“You remember when you were shot in the leg and Hotch made you stay at the office during cases?” I asked quietly, moving to pick at the wood table in an attempt to cure my boredom. Reid hummed an agreement. “How did you not go crazy?”

Perhaps that wasn’t the right wording I should have used around him… He was always nervous about his dilaudid problem and the fear that his mother’s schizophrenia could be passed onto him. “Crazy” wasn’t exactly the right term for Spencer Reid. He was our resident genius, and that put a lot of pressure on him, and I wished that he knew that he wasn’t crazy, but I could tell that he thought he was. So, I almost felt bad for the slip up. But Reid genuinely didn’t seem to notice, which was a relief.

Reid crossed his legs, getting himself comfortable, and he looked back up at me with a little more confidence this time around. “I’m not gonna lie, Y/N, it wasn’t fun. None of us are used to sitting at Quantico all day like Garcia is. When Hotch officially benched me after Hankle and getting shot, there were times when I thought I was going crazy. I was extremely anxious while just sitting around all day. And I was killing myself with worry that one of you—or maybe all of you—wouldn’t come home one day… But I had to suck it up and just go with it until I got better because I knew that, ultimately, Hotch was just trying to protect me. Now, he’s just trying to protect you, too. He’d do it for any one of us for any number of reasons. My advice is the same as before. Talk to him, Y/N. And, if that doesn’t work, then just… suck it up and get through the next few months, because no matter how often you argue with him, you’re not going to win. Trust me. I tried.”

“I hate arguing with him, Spencer…”

He nodded. “I know. That’s why it might just be best to let him win this one.”

I lowered my head and leaned back again to focus on kicking the carpet. “Yeah.” Maybe he was right. I mean, maybe I shouldn’t have been taking advice from Spencer Reid, the guy who never had a girlfriend in his life… but his advice was surprisingly nice and welcoming.

“Hotch, we’ve got Robert, but Shane’s gone. We think he might be in the immediate vicinity,” Emily said over the comm again.

I smiled. They got him. They found Ana, and now they had found Robert. Knowing how many cops were crawling around that neighborhood now that Hotch had created that a perimeter, Shane Wyland was probably long gone. There was no way in hell he stuck around long enough to see if he could get Robert back. He likely knew as well as I did that if he managed to escape, he could keep taking other boys like Robert, and he could keep getting away with it. Even now that we knew who we were looking for, the trail was too long for us to track him. He was a ghost in the wind. But none of that necessarily mattered right now. This was technically a win for us. We saved two kids from a monster, and we discovered who that monster was. At least we could keep an eye out for Wyland in the future.

I stood and walked to the boardroom to tell the Courtlands the news. When I told them that their son was alive and well, they jumped to their feet while letting out breaths of relieve, and demanded to see him immediately. I told them that a Ranger would be driving them to the hospital in the city. Within an instant, they were pushing past me, racing to go seek out a Ranger that could take them as soon as possible. I didn’t take offense to that, though. I knew that they were overwhelmed by their joy of knowing that their son was alive, and all they wanted now was to hold him in their arms. It reminded me of Hotch when he found me in Hawai’i.

Hotch…

I sat down on the couch in silence and reflected on what just happened, and what I was inevitably going to say to him. I loved him. I would protect him to every end. In fact, we said as much to each other in our wedding vows a month ago. Maybe Reid was right about not trying to fight all of this, and instead just let Hotch win this time around because it was easier than making a big deal out of it. Inevitably, I was going to get back to work. Probably in about a year or so. And as shitty as that seemed, at least it meant I got to go back. Hotch could have totally insisted that I quit the FBI—though I knew he would never ask me to do that; so, at least he was giving me the chance to still work out of the field. I could live with that for the time being. However, what I needed to discuss with Hotch more than anything was his behavior and how he was going about protecting me, because I really didn’t need him to stifle me through all of this. After being trapped in that cabin in Hawai’i, I never wanted to be trapped anywhere ever again.

When I saw him turn the corner into the office a few hours later after they gave up on looking for Shane Wyland, I nodded sideways towards the doorway I was standing in, letting him know that I needed him to join me. He silently noticed. As the team patted each other on the back and celebrated getting the kid back safe and sound, Hotch quietly and politely excused himself from everyone. They didn’t seem to stop him. Reid saw what was going on, though, and he sent me a supportive smile that let me know I was doing the right thing.

Hotch walked past me into the room, and I closed the door behind him. “Aaron, we need to talk.” I sat down on the couch, but he leaned back against the table with his arms crossed over his chest. He was listening. “I understand that you’re just trying to do what you think is best for me. I know that you think that keeping me locked up in the tower will keep me safe. And I appreciate all of that. I really do. In fact, I love that you want to protect me and take care of me, but you need to realize that at some point, you need to take a step back. That I can’t be babied, Aaron. It’s not in my nature, and we both know that. I can’t have you hovering over my shoulder every second of every day while telling me that I can and can’t do my job. I can do this. It wasn’t unreasonable for me to go out and look for those kids, but it was unreasonable for me to ask to go looking for the Unsub in the city—I know that. I know myself and I know my limits. I’m not going to suddenly break just because I’m pregnant. I’m okay right now.

“When I need to take a step back from the field, I will do so without hesitation or argument; but until then, you need to keep letting me do my job the way I’m supposed to. I just need you to believe in me—"

“If I didn’t believe in you, we wouldn’t have gotten this far.”

“If you believe in me, then just… act like it! Why is it that I always have to go above and beyond to support you and your dreams, but I’m stifled because you’re scared? You believe in me, but you don’t—”

“You have always been able to do what you wanted, Y/N! I have done everything I can to restrain myself from being controlling in every aspect of our lives, despite the fact that it’s all I know. I grew up in a household where my father was controlling, manipulative, and abusive. That was how I learned to become a man, and I always thought that would work because I was young and naïve; but Haley left, and you came along— and you…” He took in a deep breath. “You have always been this wild and free spirit that I knew I couldn’t control, so I wanted to step back and let you thrive because I know you’re capable of so much, Y/N. Do you remember that I wouldn’t even fucking look at you when you joined the team because I was so fucking in love with you that I didn’t know how to stop myself from letting my feelings trump your dreams? But you came waltzing into my office, demanding answers, and the next thing I knew, you were meeting Jack and telling me that you love me. I have had to fight an inner battle every single day since meeting you between screaming from the top of my lungs how much I love you and want to hide you away from the cruelness of this world, and letting you spread your wings and flourish as an agent. You deserve every bit of happiness, and I know that a lot of that comes from your work, so I never want to step on your toes. But you’re my wife, Y/N. I made a vow to you that I would protect you, no matter what. And, you’re right… maybe I’m being more protective with you than I have with anyone in the past, but can you blame me? Dammit, with everything I’ve been through, can you blame me for not wanting to lose you, too?”

His eyes wandered to my stomach as he sat back down. “We’re having a baby, Y/N. I’m not just protecting you anymore, and you’re not just taking care of yourself anymore. What happens if you get shot, hmm? What happens if you get stabbed like Foyet did to me? What happens if you get taken again like in Hawai’i? What happens if I lose you like I lost Kate and Haley? Am I just supposed to pretend like I wouldn’t die without you here? Am I supposed to forget about you and the best few years of my life? Why do I have to pretend like I don’t care just to make you feel better about yourself? Since meeting you, I could never bear the thought of losing you, but now I can’t bear the thought of losing either of you,” he pressed a palm to my stomach. “Aren’t my feelings valid, too? Don’t I get a say in the safety of our child?” He cupped my face with his other hand. “Please don’t make me lose you, too. I won’t live if I lose you.” He sniffled as a tear slid down his cheek. I reached up and carefully wiped it away with my thumb. “I believe in you, Y/N, more than I even believe in myself…” He screwed his eyes shut as the tears started to fall faster. “But I don’t want to lose you because you’re too damn stubborn to just sit out of the field for a few months.” He sniffled again. “Why is it so hard for you to just understand that I love you so much that it hurts to even think about being away from you? Can’t you just accept that I want what’s best for you— I always have— and right now that means keeping you safe from any harm.”

I rested my forehead against his. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, Y/N. I just need you to understand that I love you. More than anything.”

I kissed away a tear running down his cheek. “I know, baby.”

“If I didn’t believe in you… I couldn’t have stood before all of our friends and family a month ago, and said, ‘This is the person I can’t bear to lose. This is the one thing in my life I can’t lose.’ That’s what I thought we agreed on…”

He reached out and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in for a hug so that he could hide his face in the crook of my neck. I tangled my fingers in his hair. I hadn’t meant to upset him, but I just needed him to know how I was feeling—but I had never stopped to ask myself how he was feeling, which was incredibly selfish of me.

“How about this,” I began offering carefully, waiting to see if he would stop me, but he didn’t, “when I start to show, I’ll stay back at the office with Garcia.” It wasn’t what I wanted, but if it made him feel better, I was willing to make that compromise.

He sniffled and sat up. We held each other’s faces, searching each other’s eyes, trying to find a reason that we shouldn’t agree to that. But there was no reason not to. If it were up to him, I would be sitting at home for the next few months, but that wasn’t reasonable for me; and if it were up to me, I would be in the field up until the day I was giving birth, but Hotch would never let that happen in a million years. At least, being at Quantico meant that I could still help with the cases and the profiles.

“The office or the house at any given moment,” he negotiated.

I shrugged and nodded.

“Okay.” He leaned in to kiss me before hugging me again, our chins tucked over each other’s shoulders. “I love you.”

I grabbed onto the fabric of his shirt on his back, feeling the way his broad shoulders tensed, and his breathing had slowed. I smiled lightly against him. We were going to be okay. “I love you, too.”

---------

criminal minds family: @peggy1999 @gorgeousdarkangel @alex--awesome--22 @oceaneblu @desperately-bisexual @brithedemonspawn @absolutemarveltrash @bshelley322 @rousethemouse @sunshinepower17 @weexinling @pettttyyyc​ @Braty-angel

[scuttleboat]

Parenthood as a Major Theme in The Witcher

aka a defense of Yennefer's fertility arc

In some commentary on The Witcher season 1, I've read about disappointment that mid-season Yennefer spends her story time dedicated to hunting a fertility cure. The primary critique of this 2-episode arc for her is that it appears to conform too readily to a trope that "all women eventually want babies", and also seems counter to her previous disregard and cynicism for the idea of motherhood.

I think there's two cases that can be made that demonstrate why this element of the series deserves more than to be judged as "lazy or reductive writing". The first is Yennefer's personal journey--which after two viewings I believe holds up strongly. The second, even bigger case is what the theme of parenthood means to the show, and why Yennefer is only one of several aspects of it. That's what I am going to talk about in this post. Expect full spoilers for season 1.

Birth, Babies, and Legacy in Season 1

To put it bluntly, the topic of reproduction is all over The Witcher. The show is kind of obsessed with it. Let's go through the ways that parenthood and/or reproduction feature significantly in every episode:

1 - The conflict in Blaviken is a result of Stregobor's murderous obsession with killing babies born under a supposed curse. Those  infants and girls represented power that he wanted to terminate. In Cintra, Ciri becomes an orphan.

2 - Yennefer's mixed elven parentage is the source of her power and her physical deformity. Trauma is inherited generationally, seen again in Fillavandrel's outcast society, stripped of heritage and legacy. Jaskier's first song references abortion.

3 - A striga is made when a pregnant woman is cursed and her undead fetus becomes a ravenous monster. Foltest wants her to be rescued to live as his child and heir. Her monster body still has its umbilical cord--a gnarly cosmetic flourish that drives the point home. In Aretuza's scary gyno chair, Yen is sterilized in exchange for ultra-performative femininity. Although she consents, it is a corrupt bargain designed to exploit her.

4 - The Queen of Aederin and her newborn are assassinated for being unable to birth a male baby. Yennefer almost dies trying to prevent it, then gives a monologue about how the patriarchy only sees women as vessels.  Queen Calanthe tries to protect her daughter from the Law of Surprise, only to see it initiated again on her grandchild.

5 - After some 50 years as a mage Yen goes hunting for a fertility cure, using alchemy and then a djinn. She tells Tassaia that although she knew what she was giving up in Aretuza, "I didn't know what it would mean to me." Also, wow a lot of sex is had.

6 - Geralt and Yen talk about parenthood and their respective lost opportunities. The episode mcguffin is a dragon egg, whom they both fight to defend. Borch Three Jackdaws states the theme of parenthood outright. On the surface he is proclaiming his own motivation, but in the context of Geralt and Yennefer's prior discussions we know that he is speaking for both them and the show as a whole:

"This is my final 'first'. A child. This treasure, this legacy, must endure. There is no other reason to go on."

Episode 6 also shows how Geralt and Yen have grown since episode  4. She is forced to accept that natural birth is impossible, and Geralt is forced to reflect out loud that it's only fear of parental failure that has prevented him from claiming his own child. 

7 -  On getting news of the Nilfgaard invasion, Geralt decides to claim Ciri. Calanthe and Eist go to extremes to keep their child in their family.

8 - Everyone wants to be Ciri's new family, including this nice woman who doesn't have any daughters. In the end, Geralt finally becomes a father. 

Destiny = Family 

I firmly believe that the show is leading us to a point where Geralt, Yennefer, and Ciri form an eventual family. The desire for family is verbalized multiple times for Ciri, notably in Brokilon Forest when she calls Dara her family, and then when Dara leaves her and tells her find another family. Twice in the show women try to adopt Ciri, promising safety and care. Yet she's driven by a strong directive to find Geralt as "he is your destiny".  She is his Child Surprise, essentially this universe's fucked up version of a godchild. And the Law of Surprise is not just tradition, but a cosmic binding with tangible consequences. Geralt initially denies this, but Duny, Eist, Mousesack, Yennefer, and Borch all vocalize it, and season 1 events bear it out.

If Ciri is steered by a bond of destiny, so is Geralt. When he rejects the Child Surprise at Pavetta's wedding, Mousesack warns that doing so will bring ill fortune. Episode 5 and 6 subtly but persistently imply that this prophecy is true, as the witcher's next several years are filled with sleeplessness and an undefined longing. Magically binding himself to Yennefer alleviates some of that (essentially by making him happy), but I don't think it's only because of love, but also because his destiny being intertwined with Yennefer is a step towards his destiny being intertwined with Ciri. Because even after getting some peaceful nights with intermittent Yennaffairs (get it? hah!), something still seems off with Geralt.

"You feel it just the same as me that hole inside you. That itch inside your brain keeps you awake at night. Come with me, I'll show you what you're missing." - Borch Three Jackdaws

This is a cute screenplay trick because we assume that he's talking about nostalgic adventure, but on review he's actually talking about parenthood. Later when Geralt gripes that the thing he was missing is Yennefer as she walks away again, Borch replies, "What you're missing is still out there. Your legacy, your destiny. I know it." (hello Ciri!) We never get a clear idea of why Mr. Three Cool Names knows all this stuff, but I didn't care because a dragon being cryptically omniscient is exactly the sort of thing I want from my fantasy shows.

Conclusion 

So it's family, family, family. Yennefer is just one corner of this thematic tapestry; the other three are Geralt, Ciri, and #destiny. Their journey to find each other, to accept these bonds, is what the show is about. I expect the theme to cement even more in future seasons.

Consequently, to reduce Yennefer's storyline to cliché alone is to miss the way everyone on this show is obsessed with parenthood in some form. It also misses how much fatherhood will be central Geralt's journey.  Even if he came to the same decision 2 episodes (and 13 years) later than Yen did, Geralt actively decides that he want to claim his role as a parent figure. That isn't the easy gripe target of "women want babies", but the point is that Yen and Geralt are both on the same path, with Ciri as the destination. A character can have something that resembles part of a cliché without being negatively defined by it. In The Witcher, the greater context is relevant to this critique.

So I urge you to look at the full season and see how her fertility arc fits into the big picture. If you still wish that Yen had continued to be proudly child-free, then I respect your desire to see that story told. However, it would be worth it to recognize now that this probably isn't going to be the story you want. Parenthood is a big part of it. This story is going to be about two magical adults and one magical child becoming a family.

A family of total badasses, adopted through destiny and love.

[collecting-stories]

Flower Song - c. 3 - JJ Maybank

Request: So Ik you said you’re not taking request but I had an idea for your creedance (?? I already forgot what it’s called sorry my memory is fucked) series where you’re babysitting your niece again and you ask JJ to help her change and everything after a bath and you walk into the room and hear him singing the flower song from Tangled :( I could just imagine him softly singing while she’s drowsy trying to fight sleep so that they can continue singing 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

A/N: I really just need to write fluff.

Creedence Masterlist | Outer Banks Masterlist

⭐︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎ ⭐︎

You were on the phone with your sister, cleaning up the bathroom after Bea’s bath, throwing towels in the hamper to take to the laundromat tomorrow morning, while JJ put your niece to bed. 

She was the only four year old that you knew who was capable of turning bath time into a mess, rubber duck toys and a Seasame Street submarine lay in the wreckage as you scrubbed some forgotten bubble bath out of the tub and promised your sister that everything was under control.  

“Yeah, she’s been great. I’m gonna go put her to bed now.” You said, putting her toys in a basket and rearranging the bottles of wash and shampoo.  

Your sister’s husband had a work trip to Hawaii for two weeks and your sister had jumped at the opportunity to go along, leaving you in charge of Bea and the house. It was less than ten minutes after your sister had pulled out of the driveway that JJ had ridden his dirt bike up, backpack on, with every intention of staying for the two weeks. Your sister and your brother-in-law liked to travel, usually without their daughter, and you were happy to have the house because it meant another place that JJ could crash. And because you couldn’t help the escape into your brain, playing some sort of convoluted pretend that you and JJ were together and this was your house and your kid. It was innocent, really.  

“Are you listening?” Your sister stressed, voice an octave higher than necessary.  

“Yes, what?”

“Miss Lana said she saw JJ around yesterday,” your sister said, ratting your neighbor out as a snitch, “no boys, remember?”

“He stopped by for like .2 seconds.” You lied.  

“I don’t want guys in the house. This isn’t some excuse for you to have your boyfriend over.” She replied, trying for the sternness that your mom had at some point, long before you could remember. Neither of you really knew how to be parents, siblings, children. It was all just a part you played.  

“No guys, I swear.”  

“We’ll be home next Tuesday,” she promised.  

Once she was off the phone you finished in the bathroom and headed down the hall to Bea’s room. You’d left JJ in charge of putting your niece to bed once the phone rang and you realized it was your sister. He’d taken the toddler down the hall, holding her in his arms when she complained that she was too cold to walk by herself.  

JJ had taken her into her bedroom and set her on the bed, going to her dresser to pull out pajamas. “Alright your highness, which pair? Butterflies or...penguins?” He asked, holding the two oversized t-shirts up for her. She stood on the bed, wrapped in her frog towel, the hood up over her wet hair, lips pursed as she thought over her options.

“Butterflies!” She pointed to the one on the left and he stuffed the penguin shirt back in, making her laugh when the drawer wouldn’t close all the way.  

“We don’t know who did that.” He teased, giving her clothes to dress in while he checked the shelf for a book. He knew the night routine better than her own dad. JJ had been helping you take care of Bea long enough that it was second nature.  

“No books!” She announced, tossing her towel across the room with a flourish and flopping onto the bed.  

“No books? What then?” He laughed, coming over to sit on the side of her bed. She sat against the pillows, her arms around the stuffed bear JJ had bought her for her birthday.  

“Sing!” Bea decided, “the flower song!”  

The three of you had watched Tangled three times in the last two days; it was her new favorite movie and she was slowly learning key words in the songs. JJ knew exactly what song she was talking about. “Alright but I’m warning you my voice is not up to Flynn Ryder level.”

“Flynn doesn’t sing that song.” She giggled.  

“Right, well I’m no Rapunzel either,” he pointed out though he knew it wouldn’t keep him from singing if Bea asked.  

He really did love being here, spending time with you and Bea gave him that sense of family that he’d never gotten to experience in his own home. He knew you were a lot like him, carving out places on the island where you could belong but none of them ever feeling quite like a home. This, the three of you together, was the most home he’d ever felt in one place. And he loved Bea but that wasn’t the reason he’d started volunteering to babysit with you. He was trying his hardest to show you that he was responsible, that he would be a good boyfriend, and hoping that maybe you would change your mind about being just friends. You didn’t know he felt that way about you, he’d never said anything, but after your slip two weeks ago he couldn’t help hoping that you saying you loved him meant you actually loved him.  

You carried the full laundry basket down to the front door before heading back upstairs to check on Bea and JJ. Since your sister was gone, he had been staying in your room while you slept in your sister’s room to be closer to Bea in case, she needed you. Once you reached the top of the steps you could hear the familiar sound of JJ’s off-key voice and Bea’s half-singing/half-shouting to a song from Tangled. You stopped just outside the door, listening as JJ repeated the song over, biting your lip to stop yourself from making any noise. You could hear Bea starting to waver in her wakefulness and you backed up further toward the stairs.

-

“You can pretend to wash dishes all you want, I know you were listening to my incredible singing skills.” JJ teased, coming into the kitchen and pulling himself up onto the counter beside the sink.  

“I wouldn’t call them incredible...I also wouldn’t call it singing.” You replied, jumping back when he flicked water at you. “JJ!”

“Don’t be mean to me. I single-handedly put Bea to bed...that’s some record shit right there.”

“Yes it was, I’m in awe of your child rearing abilities Jay. I can only hope to be as good with kids as you someday.” You said, rolling your eyes at him.  

“I’ll teach you my ways. For a price.” He added as an afterthought.  

“A price? What kind of price?” You asked, “ice cream allowance?”  

“A date.”  

You paused, water pouring over your hands and the plate you were halfway done scrubbing dinner off of, heart pounding in your chest at his suggestion. You tried to calm yourself down, remind yourself that it was all probably a joke on his part. Just JJ being funny. “A date?” You couldn’t help asking though.  

“Yeah. You, me, Bea can even come, a movie, maybe dinner. Possibly just some netflix and chill.” He replied, “A date.”  

“Are you shitting me right now Jay?”

“No, I’m dead serious. I wanna go on a date with you.” He said, “so lets go.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” JJ slipped off the counter and leaned over, kissing your cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning. We can talk day and time.”

“See you in the morning.”  

You watched him walk to your bedroom and close the door behind him, fighting the urge to let out some embarrassing version of a squeal once he had disappeared, knowing that he would definitely hear you. Part of you didn’t care though, he had asked you on a date, something you had been imagining for so long now that you still had trouble believing the conversation you’d just had actually happened.  

-

taglist:  @maplelattes22 @poguesrforlife  @freckled-and-daydreaming  @chasefreakinstokes@millie-753 @fangirlwithme @alex12948 @katherine097 @tangledinsparkles  @carbonated-beverage @mariofgreengables @damonsalvawhore27 @dopedoodes @dolanfivsosxox@belledutchess @poguelifeeee @faded-blue @parkerpetertingle @thebookwormlife @summer-clouds-and-long-days @jellyfishbeansontoast @minigranger @hoewkeye @love-someone-special @tiredfeels @strangerthanfanfiction713 @the-only-nana @tomzfrog @mozz-are-lla@vindictive-hearts @poguestyleskye @ssprayberrythings @jenahbell @beautyandthebleh@gothackedalready @teenwaywardasgardian @sarahcxmeron @haha-fuck-you-thot@stillbelieve398-5 @rewindlr @queenniccimicci @thedarkqueenofavalon @alytavzla@bqmblebee @linniep @nerdypartytrashpsychic @xxchxrryxx @spencer-reid-is-a-cutie@mirjanak @danielladreaming @obx-saltlife @youngestxhearts @spnobsessedmemes@wowitswondergurl @celestialmaybank @mybnkjj @pineappleandcherries @mysterious-adventurer @justawilddreamerchild @rhyetaylor62 @calm-rejects @balletandyuzu @oh-annaa @aiifandomsunite @x-lulu @ceruleanjj @wicked-laugh @obxwriterfan @allie-mcginn@pcterparxer @literarycharleton @crushe-s @teamnick @daydreamlilys @collectiveuniverses@activist-af @mdgrdians @buckys-sunflower @vindictive-hearts @copper-boom@talksoprettyjjx @5am-cigarette @jolomez @timotaychalabae

[oinkawater]

yo if sometime in the near future you could write a part two to the oikawa angst you just published where he's back three years later but this time they're like falling in love again or something really fluffy like that uwu that would be absolutely fantastic but no rush k bb i want to let the sad feels fester a lil bit

hello everyone. i went through some feelings lol but now i am back!!! and i’m here to pooost again YEET so i hope you really like this!!! 💝💖

(part one)

-

You were just making some dinner for yourself when a knock was heard. At first, you just thought you were hearing things. When it got louder, you finally decided to make your way to the door.

“A moment, please!”

You wipe off the beads of sweat dripping down your forehead and proceeded to wipe it off on your shorts. When you swung the door open, the man towering over you left your mouth open and absolutely empty. “Oh?”

There, he stood. Oikawa Tooru is towering over your smaller physique for the first time in several years. “I’m home.”

I’m home. That’s all he said to you before you threw your arms around him. Tears were shed at first and then you invited him into your apartment.

It’s not like you didn’t talk to him while he was in Brazil. You talked a lot at first, but as schedules eventually got busier and priorities changed, it got a lot harder to keep a conversation alive.

Eventually, talking every other day turned into talking every other week. And then at least once a month. Until it turned to just catching up when there’s festivity — a birthday, a holiday, an occasion.

Oikawa chose not to tell you he was flying back to Japan. It was supposed to be a surprise.

You ate the dinner you cooked, watched a movie and stayed up all night. You talked about anything and everything yet it still felt insufficient.

There were several things at the tip of your tongue — things you swore you’d say the second he was standing right in front of you again — but you backed out every single time you remembered it. Maybe things have changed.

It felt surreal to have him back within an arms’ length away from you. It still feels like a dream even now when you’re out on the streets of Tokyo with a cup hot chocolate warming up your hand.

“It’s so great to be back,” Oikawa sighs, lifting up his face to accept the cold wind slapping his skin. “But the weather is so different. I’ve got to start getting used to this again.”

Your eyebrow raises, pausing from blowing into your hot chocolate. “You’re here to stay?”

Oikawa smiles widely and turns to you, nodding enthusiastically. He never got to tell you the other night. There were so many things that you had to talk about that the conversation didn’t naturally flow to his reallocation back to Japan.

“I got scouted by a local team a few months before my contract ended,” he admitted. “I knew I had to take the opportunity. I was itching to come back here for good.”

You could only nod as a response. You weren’t sure what to say. Or maybe you were too scared to say what you were really thinking. As usual, Oikawa broke the silence, “I needed to come back for you.”

The cup of hot chocolate almost slipped from your hands. Every single muscle in your body immediately weakened when you heard his words. “What?”

“I hope you didn’t think that me coming to see you first thing after my touchdown didn’t mean anything,” Oikawa admits, chuckling slightly with a shake of his head. “My feelings for you never changed.”

“Tooru, it’s been 3 years,” you say in a sigh, furrowing your eyebrows. “We’ve changed as individuals — how could you just give up everything to come back here? So many things could go wrong.”

Oikawa shakes his head. He’s thought about this. Through and through since the V-League team had contacted him 6 months ago. It took him 3 weeks to come to a decision he knew he could get behind for the rest of his life. “That’s okay.”

“You’re jeopardising your career again?” You scold. You stop walking and frustration quickly dawns you. You can’t believe how irresponsible he’s being. “Tooru!”

“I’m not jeopardising my career — I’m playing starting setter for a V-League team,” Oikawa answers quickly. He’s imagined this scenario in his head for weeks. If she hasn’t changed much, that means that he still knows her; that he can answer all of her questions without hesitation. “I just couldn’t bear to be away from you any longer.”

“Tooru, this is so irresponsible! You can’t make decisions based on a person,” you argued, shoving him back slightly. You keep a tight grip around your drink and look around frantically. “Oh, you’re lucky I’m holding a hot beverage. If not, I would absolutely jump on you right now.”

You grunt and push away the hair in your face. “Tooru, you’re here for something that I can’t guarantee you.” The crack in your voice and the hand now pressed against your chest wasn’t going to work on Oikawa.

The man knows what he wants.

“When it comes to you, it’s always going to be worth it.” He takes a step forward and take the cup from your hand. His hand comes up to cup your cheek. “But I can’t go on knowing I didn’t try.”

“We were very different people 3 years ago.” You always imagined this moment to go differently. You always knew in the back of your head that the moment he steps foot into Tokyo again, you’d want to make it work again.

Now it’s happening in front of you. You can’t live with the uncertainty.

“(y/n),” he says softly, tapping your cheek with his finger to get your attention. When you lift up your gaze to look into his eyes, he presents you a small grin. “I couldn’t not come back for you. I love you, okay? Is that not enough of a reason to sign with a local team just to be with you? Do you not feel the same way anymore?”

“I never felt any different towards you since you left,” you admit. You glance down at his lips then back up at his eyes. It’s been so long.

From the videos you watched with Iwaizumi throughout the years, he looked different. It’s different planning out what to say through a screen and executing it when it’s right there in front of you.

“But the risk you’re taking, Tooru. It’s big... it- it’s fucking reckless.”

“I know, I’ve thought long and hard about the big decision to come back,” he nods. “I knew heartbreak when you walked out of my apartment that day after we broke up. I know what I’m getting myself into by doing this. But if you’re not willing to take the risk–“

“Well, how can I say no to this?” You whimper, pouting out your bottom lip. “We’re only 22. ‘Us’ can wait until your career allows it to happen. You’re at your peak right now.”

“I’m at my peak when I’m with you.” Oikawa leans down and presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. “Listen, I love you. And I’m here to stay. So how about a second first date tomorrow night?”

“No need for formalities,” you grin, poking your clothed hand into your eye to collect the tears that had formed. “Let’s just pick up from where we left off.”

“We have a lot to catch up on.” Oikawa swiftly pulls you into his body to catch your lips into a kiss. And it’s like nothing had changed. He still tastes, smells and feels the exact same.

The feeling of familiarity is enough to make you melt in his arms. Pulling away, a content sigh escapes your lips. “I missed you.”

“I’ve got to show you what my teammates from Brazil taught me. It’s so much more different there.”

“We’ve got a whole lifetime to showcase how much we’ve grown, Tooru.”

“Oh, is that finally a ‘yes’ to the proposal I gave you 3 years ago?”

“What was that about a second first date tomorrow night?”

“Ugh, you’re so hard to get!”