#mine: the worst witch

[worlds-best-sippycup]

Fuck You, StanMel Time

What if I was the bitterest lord in all the land, completely focused on all my aches at the cost of all else; what if I had given up on hope, on kindness and sweetness and childhood beliefs; if I repressed any happy thought or feeling so hard because all they'd ever given me was pain; if I had no one and nothing and was SET on keeping it that way - and then I met you, witch, and I thought nothing of you. Any desire I felt could be ignored, but you had your power, tricks I didn't believe in, a prophecy I mocked; but I could use you. After all, you had power and supporters, and weren't the religions for fools? And what if you believed in me, and spoke it ALOUD like nobody else. What if you made me believe that I believed in myself too. What if I couldn't stop myself from wanting, from foolishness, any more? And in my darkest hour, when I could have curled up back into my immature selfish bullshit, you filled me with purpose? What if you made me believe in magic?

What if I had lost everything, never had anything, even my name - what if everything I said and did was a lie, but all those years (decades?) of pain, all those dead children, were for a greater good - so it was all worth it. I had no trust in humanity, in justice or reason or truth. The trappings of power are fake but powerful. And these powers I've poured my whole life into, these visions of the war for life itself, thousands of years for people like me being broken down and burnt as fuel, they lead me to a man who distrusts me and rebuffs me and generally treats me like crap. But you're the Prince who was Promised, so I set myself to manipulating you towards that destiny... and then, you make me believe in you. You turn to the north and I see someone who can be that hero. What if despite I've thrown away so much of myself but I can't make myself throw away the idea of you as the hero. What if you made me believe in heroes?

[steviesummer]

Dealing with Demodogs

written for @steddiemicrofic's December prompt - ‘pine’ also works for today's prompt for @steddieholidaydrabbles - 'Royalty AU' wc: 508 | rated: G | cw: none | tags: pre-Steddie

“Dustin, I though you said you knew the way?” Steve could hear the unfamiliar voice carry through the pines surrounding his home.

Dustin’s voice he knew. “It’s your kingdom, Eddie, shouldn’t you know every place and resident?”

“I’m sorry, did you just suggest that anyone could know everything about the Enchanted Forest?”

Steve’s eyebrows rose, not at the realization that King Eadwine of all people was apparently searching him out, but that Dustin, usually so intelligent, would make such a basic mistake. He may not have been from here originally, but Dustin was usually more knowledgeable. In any case, he apparently had royalty approaching, so he might as well meet them at the door - if only because it made him look all knowing. Especially because Dustin hadn’t quite figured out his little trick.

He heard their arguing quiet as he put the kettle on and opened the door just before they could knock. “Come in, I’ve just started tea.” When the duo just stared at him for a moment, a small smirk found its way onto his face. “Unless I am wrong and you weren’t here to ask for my help?”

That seemed to shake both of them from their shock. “Tea sounds wonderful.” King Eadwine accepted, following him inside. He shooed two of his cats off the table so they could sit.

“So, what seems to be the problem?” He asked. “Unless the problem is Dustin, in which case I can’t help you, Your Majesty.”

“Hey!” Dustin objected, but the King grinned, clearly familiar with the younger man’s quirks.

“Please, call me Eddie.”

“Steve.”

“I wish it were as simple as Dustin’s ego, but alas, I am here to request your help on a slightly more serious matter. There have been reports of strange creatures along the Southern border. Dustin said you had helped him with something similar in the past - four legged with no eyes or fur and their head opens like a flower full of teeth?” Steve frowned, knowing exactly what Eddie was referring to.

“Demodogs. How many?” He mourned the loss of the lighter atmosphere, but shifted easily into crisis mode, already thinking about logistics.

“There have been 5 sightings, though only three seen together at a time. We can’t be completely sure, of course, but it does seem to be a fairly small group of them.” Eddie explained, before Dustin jumped in.

“Max and Lucas went ahead to get more information, but you were the one who actually dealt with them last time. And you know how we only thought there was one but it ended up being a whole pack. I don’t think the situation is the same, but better safe than sorry, right?”

Steve remembered the entire experience far too clearly. So much for an easy favor. He sighed, getting up. He waved Eddie and Dustin off. “Finish your tea. I’ll get my bat and a few other things. I’ll have to let Nancy and Robin know I’m gone as well. The sooner we leave, the sooner its done.”

[milbroom]

Infinite Aura

As a society, we moved on from the fact Constance gives professional speeches (with radio coverage?!) way too easily.

Like?? Talk to me about your potions?? Radiate your intelligence?? Show me how confident you are?? That is so. damn. attractive.

(3x04 - The Witchy Hour)

[mean-lesbians]

I'm reading the worst witch books this is what happens when they won't show the 1998 series on national television regularly

[happywitch416]

The problem with being a metalhead who listens to EDM is sometimes the EDM goes "wait for the drop" and I am staring at the metaphorical watch going "honey its been three minutes, i think it got lost".

And some claim to be metal dubstep.

[gothasmo]

NGL, I'm so happy that NB has given me a chance to return to OM because I apparently missed it, but more importantly it means I got to revive my OCs ✨

[specsthesecond]

Witch Troubles #3

It's a fairly common practice among witches to form pacts with demons.

It's not necessary but it's an age old practice meant to strengthen ones connection to magic. The witch gains a stronger connection to magic and in exchange the demon gains easier access to the mortal realm.

You've debated this decision for awhile and you finally think you're ready to forge your own pact. Worst case scenario is the demon refuses your offer, which would be embarrassing but not the end of the world.

You shut the door of your room, close the black out curtains and light a few candles. Squinting at the diagram of the summoning circle in your grimoir you try to replicate it perfectly on the old wooden floorboards in white chalk. When it's done you dust off your hands and place the candles in the right places around the circle along with a good amount of enchanted salt around the circumference for your protection. You stand up and take a breath before reciting the ancient words in your book while channeling all your energy into the circle.

The flames burn higher, so hot you have to shrink back a little. It takes all your effort and concentration to keep the chant going without misspeaking or burning the house down. A giant fire now billows in the centre of the circle, something large rises from the middle. You finish the spell and the flames gradually flicker away to reveal exactly the entity you were trying to summon. The little candles around the circle are the only source of light now, barely illuminating your guest. Smoke smoulders off its skin as it rises to full height and stares right at you with it's flaming eyes.

The demon, male it seems, stands in the middle of the summoning circle as tall as your book shelf and just about as wide. True to the drawings and diagrams in your texts he stands on two thick furry goat-like legs. The soft looking tuft at the end of his long thin tail swishes against the old floorboards as they creak under his weight. The rest of his body is charcoal black but otherwise fairly human save for the large goat-like skull that is his head. Beautiful horns, much too majestic for a demon, sprout from the white bone and curl into a thick loop on either side of his skull.

In short; he's the definition of tall, dark and handsome.

Two flaming pits behind the eye holes in the skull serve as eyes, they burn red and hot like the flames of hell as he glares down at you. You assume it's a glare, it's hard to tell.

You clap your grimoir shut, unable to look away from the demon yet. He seems the same, quietly observing you.

"Good evening, I'm sure you know why I've summoned you."

You say as calmly as possible. The demon looks you up and down and hums lowly, sceptical.

He grunts and crosses his arms over his chest. You have to use all your self control not to look down at the incredibly distracting package he's carrying between his legs as it bobs with the movement. Obviously you were prepared for him to be naked, demons don't wear clothes but actually having to practice that self-control is another thing entirely.

You're snapped out of your thoughts when the demon speaks, low and gravely like you expected.

"Witches used to dance for us around fires, bathe in the blood of sacrifices, throw orgies. This is all I get for my pact proposal?"

That's not what you expected. You were expecting some doubt sure but he sounds... offended? He's complaining?

"I don't need to do any of that to show you my worth. You can already sense my magic capabilities, I can show you- ."

He growls again. When he speaks his jaw bone doesn't move, the voice sounds like it reverberates around the skull on its way out.

"Its about devotion, witch. You show me your devotion and I'll give mine in return. No one cares for presentation anymore."

Who needs presentation? Sure, devotion is important in a pact but he's being ridiculous. You look around the room for a moment before saying flatly,

"My apologies but I will not be sacrificing anything or throwing any orgies and I cannot dance."

The demon scoffs and adjusts his crossed arms, thick biceps flexing as he does.

"All witches dance. Your ancestors where very good at it."

You scoff, telling him about your magic capabilities definitely isn't going to work. Why'd you have to get a difficult demon? Why couldn't you get a normal power-hungry one?

"Are you truly that compelled by naked dancing women?"

You attempt to needle him in hopes of avoiding what you know is inevitable. He doesn't respond, just stands there expectantly.

Some demons may agree to pacts based only on the power of the witch but others don't care for power and value the devotion of the act much more. You were very much hoping for the former but you're going to have to deal with what you got.

After a few moments of staring at eachother you finally crack and bend down to make quick work of your shoes and socks. You dropped your skirt around your ankles, take a deep breath and slide your panties down your legs. You see the demon shift his weight in your peripheral but you don't look at him as you unbutton your blouse and unclip your bra. You leave your black pointy hat on your head, assuming that's part of the appeal.

You only look back at him when you're completely naked, standing Infront of him and crossing your arms over your tits, mirroring his own stance.

He seems amused at that, You can see the little flames in his skull move up and down in a way that indicates he's soaking in your nude body.

"Unfortunately, dancing naked around a fire was not passed down to me like the magic was."

"A pity."

You scowl and the demon huffs smoke through the holes in his skull, chuckling.

"You're a witch, magic exists in your very veins. Use it. Caress your body. Sway your hips. Feel the power in your body and worship it as you would a god."

He says it like it's incredibly obvious and you actually feel inclined to listen to him. You close your eyes and try to "feel the power" whatever that means. You uncross your arms and place them on your thighs, slowly moving them up your waist and back down again.

Your skin feels especially sensitive being completely bare in front of such a powerful being, who is also naked. Just the light touch of your hand makes your skin prickle as you move your fingers slowly across yourself.

You start to arch and sway, hands moving up your thighs, across your stomach, along your neck. You free yourself, offering your body to this demon. The demon growls lowly and says in a deeper tone than before,

"The point of the pact is the connection. You summoned me, This is your pact to forge so show me your devotion."

His fiery eyes follow your every move, every sway of your hips and bounce of your tits.

You carefully run your hands from your waist up to your tits, briefly feeling the soft fat before moving up your shoulders. You stretch your arms high, now putting your tits on full display for your demon guest, the attention and cool air makes your nipples harden.

You turn around, your back facing the demon and he huffs irritably at being denied the sight of your perfect tits. His grievances are smothered when you bend down and run your hands up the back of your legs all the way to your ass, gripping the fat just enough to make it jiggle for him.

You can feel the room getting hotter, you can see his cock getting harder and you can feel the wetness In-between your legs as you dance.

You give one last tantalising hip sway before slowly dropping to your knees in front of him, on the edge of the salt circle. You look up at him while sliding your hands up your thighs, from here you have a perfect view of his half hard cock, looking so thick and heavy the sight has you nearly panting like a dog.

You rest your hands behind you, now presenting your entire body to him, tits perked and pussy drooling, devilishly tempting.

"Does that satisfy."

You say gazing up at him sultry gaze flicking down to his cock, you swear you saw it twitch.

"You know exactly what would satisfy me."

His voice is deeper than before, more gutteral and it makes you squirm. You might have been embarrassed about being so open about his effect on you if it wasn't for his obvious arousal for you. You're honestly just glad this is going well so far.

You lean forward, shuffle closer to the salt barrier and stick your tongue out, mouth open and waiting, silently begging for him.

The demon's hand goes to hold his cock immediately and he steps towards the barrier holding his cock out, but before he can place the tip on your hot tongue, you pull back slightly with a sick grin on your face.

The demon tries to grab your face but you retreat further, past the salt circle and therefore out of reach. You look up at his collosal frame with a smug smirk as he growls in irritation and the candle flames flicker violently.

"Don't forget, this is a mutual pact, demon. You don't call the shots... I want to be on top."

"What makes you thin-“

"I'm on top or you can go back home."

He grumbles something unintelligible, shaking his head in disbelief. One hand goes back to his cock idly stroking the thick member as he nods his head, accepting the terms.

You stand and steel yourself before wiping away a portion of the salt line with your foot, breaking the circle. You reach out for his hand and he accepts it with the hand not stroking his dick, stepping out of the circle and into your bedroom. His hands are immediately on your skin, thick fingers running along your waist and down to your hip. His skin is so warm, like the blood running through his veins is boiling hot giving the surface skin a pleasant warmth.

He stares down at you in suspense waiting for your go ahead.

You bring your hands up his chest and around his broad shoulders, and pull him down to your height only to push him down your body until his skull face is right Infront of your pussy. You let him get a good sniff of your smell before pushing him down to the ground with your foot, standing above him looking very tryumphant.

He doesn't have much time to marvel at your figure above him because before he knows it you're sitting on his dick, pussy pressing right against his cock, he bucks on instinct, the wet warmth of your pussy against the heat of his cock makes him let out a gutteral moan.

You slowly rock your hips back and forth the length of his cock, an impressive length but one you could manage. Neither of you can stand the foreplay any longer, his hands grip your waist at the same time you finally slide his cock into your waiting cunt.

You both groan at the feeling as you pop the mushroom head into your cunt and you slide your pussy down to the hilt, feeling every vein of his hot cock against your walls. You're so slick and needy the fat cock slides in with surprisingly little resistance. That makes him chuckle, which you cut off with a deliberate thrust of your hips.

Your screams are muffled and gargled but the sound of your wet pussy slapping and squelching around his cock as you cum echos throughout the room. He growls and snarls into your mouth when he gets close, tilting his head back in absolute bliss.

You plant your feet on either side of his waist, moving all the way up back to the tip and then plunging back down again taking him as deep as he'll go. You bounce and hump on this demons fat cock, tits bouncing in tandem, pretty face in the throws of pleasure. It's a sight to see and he loves every minute of it, clutching your hips but letting you control the pace.

The fur covering his legs is soft and warm against your ass as you ride your new pact mate. Your hands rest on his strong chest as you lose yourself even more in the intense pleasure. Panting and groaning, as you approach your high, your thrusts get more frantic as if you're trying to get him even deeper into your cunt. Your eyes are locked onto the way his pretty cock disappears Into to your cunt, the fur at the hilt becoming wet with your slick.

"Ah~ cum inside, cum inside, cum inside me!"

Your frantic pleas are heard when he wraps one arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his chest, his other hand firmly on your ass pushing into you as deep as possible. You finally cum around the throbbing cock clenching your walls deliciously, pressed into his chest. He cums seconds after you, shooting abnormally hot cum deep inside you. Your body stills as you cum down, his strong arms move you body against him in shallow thrusts as he bucks up into you, riding out his high.

You limply lie on his massive chest catching your breath as you come down, ignoring the drool you left on his pec. You realise he's eerily quiet and look up only to find he's staring at your face in a manner you think is expecant? Only then do you actually realise that his dick hasn't gone down at all. You can't help but laugh, pussy involuntarily clenching making the demon clutch your hips tighter.

"Is this all for me or is it just a demon thing?"

He huffs out camp fire smelling smoke from his skull and leans up into a seated position. The change in position makes his cock adjust and you moan softly at the feeling while grasping his large biceps.

"You've got jokes."

He looks down at you, you try to read his expression but it's really hard when his hands are massaging your hips so nicely and his cock is touching new spots inside you making your head all fuzzy. He smoothly lifts your thighs and flips you both over so that you're laying on your back and he's hovering above you.

It's such a glorious sight. This massive sexy otherworldly creature staring down at you with such lust. You can't stop yourself from pulling him in closer by the back of his neck and mumbling,

"Do demons kiss?"

The demon huffs again and opens his jaw showing his razor sharp teeth, from the darkness behind the skull comes three appendages, long and wet. Those are his tongues, and you moan a little when you realise that. He leans closer and the prehensile tongues worm their way to your mouth where you greet them, mouth ready and open. All three appendages slip into your mouth to explore and rub against your tongue, it's so messy and gross it makes you clench around his cock.

He grunts and thrusts into you, thrusting his tongues deeper into your mouth making you gag. You stick your head in his open maw, pulling him in closer by his thick horns. You take the tongues with vigor and suck on them like you would a cock. He seems to like this quite a bit as he grabs both your legs and pulls your knees up to your ears, bending you in half and presenting your dripping pussy to him. He starts thrusting his cock much deeper in your pussy than before while thrusting his tongues down your throat simultaneously.

The pleasure is so intense as he gradually speeds up, working up to a brutal pace. He fucks you into the floor, so deep, so good. It's so animalistic it makes you go feral. He tongue fucks your throat with fever, his dangerous maw wide open. Knowing that he could tear your flesh easily if he just closed his jaws around your head turns you on an unthinkable amount as you take his tongues deeper down your already full throat.

You want him deeper in your throat even as you choke and gag. You want him deeper in your pussy even as he pounds you raw and hard, reaching so deep he kisses your cervix. Your brain is mush and your thighs burn, you scratch and claw his back for some kind of grounding as you quickly reach your peak again.

He wraps his arms under your thighs and around your back to lift you up and squeeze you against his hot body. He pounds you even harder now with gravity on his side, forcing you down on his cock as he thrusts up in time.

Suddenly your body gets hot, he gets hot. His hold is like a hot vice and you struggle against it on instinct but he just holds you tighter. You almost scream when you feel a red hot flash in every artery and vein in your body. The heat is gone just as quickly as it came and you sigh in relief before looking up at him in shock when you suddenly realise what he just did.

His tongues leaves your mouth suddenly as he cums hard, groaning loudly as he fucks his seed deeper into your already soaked cunt. With your mouth free you groan like an snimal, tongue out, tears streaking down your face, spit running down your neck. You soak up the feeling of being folded in half and filled to the fucking brim by this demonic beast.

Your moans mix in the hot air between you. His cum is so thick and hot inside you, filling you up once again. You're so full you can't contain it all as it pours out of you and onto the floor. He gives a few slow, deep thrusts, milking his cock with your tight pussy as you lay limply in his hold.

You sit on the floor for a few minutes holding each other close and catching your breath. He nuzzles his head into your sweaty neck and moves your body into a more relaxed position so that he's hugging around your waist and your legs rest around his torso. You feel each other for a moment, his cock still plugging up your messy cunt. Hes quiet, like he's thinking about something. You're not sure you can even speak but if you could you don't really know what you would say.

He leans back to look at your face, you realise you probably look an absolute mess, tear streaked face with spit all over your mouth and chin. He looks into your eyes like he's looking for something specific and you look back into his two small flames. He slightly nods and then holds you close to his chest once more, enveloping you with his body.

He accepted the pact proposal.

You let out a breathless laugh and lean up to place wet kisses all over his skull head.

He growls low and irritable like a cat.

"That's not necessary."

He grumbles like he's annoyed but doesn't move away from you as you give a few more kisses along his jaw. His tail swishes idly behind him.

"Well neither was fucking me. Twice."

You tease him while reaching for your discarded hat and plopping it back on your head. You shakily stand up on wobbly legs, he holds his hands out to your hips to stabilise you. Cum drips out of your cunt and his gaze is drawn to where it oozes down your thighs.

"Not that I'm complaining."

You balance yourself with your hands on his shoulders and clear your throat, trying to seem a little put together as he stares up at you. You very casually lift your leg to rest it on his shoulder, presenting your puffy, dripping cunt to him.

"Are you the fuck and leave type or do you stay for the cleanup? "

The demon chuckles and opens his maw again, wet tongues slipping out and reaching for you, licking up your cum covered thighs and up to the source of the mess.

You're both going to make very good use of this pact.

[imyourbratzdoll]

I have a request you are up for it. I kind of had this idea where Steve Rogers really screwed the Reader over in their past relationship and cheated on her with Sharon and dumped the reader for her. Even the avengers don't talk to her anymore and made her look like the toxic one in the relationship. two years later it's his and Sharon's wedding day and it was a beautiful and wonderful, however reader returns and decides to kill seek her revenge on Steve and Sharon and the rest of the team. Let's just say she gets it and Steve suffers. (Reader is a witch by the way)😈

hello honey, I hope you like what I've done.

summary - steve cheats on you, causing the team to turn against you to save the world from hating him. years later, you finally seek your revenge.

warning - angst, torture, cheating, dark content, badass female

the gif I use isn't mine, divider by @newlips (deactivated)

It had been two years since Steve Rogers broke your heart, you thought that would be the worst of it, but the fact the team turned on you and screwed you over by making it seem like you cheated on Captain America, causing the world to hate you, treating you like shit until the point you snapped. If they wanted a bad guy, they’ll get one. 

You sat in a dark room as the tv played, your ex was getting married to the tramp he cheated on you with. Your golden eyes sharpen as you glare at the screen, causing it to explode in sparks. You grin, the whole team would be in that church, making this so much easier for you. 

Your hands glow as you begin to hover, your long black dress falling gracefully around your legs. “Oh, the day that the Avengers fall and all by my hands.” Your laugh echoes throughout the room and you disappear, reappearing in front of the god-awful building. “Oh god, could their taste be any worse?” Your hands face down, levitating toward the church doors and flinging them open with your magic. The whole room falls quiet. “Well, well. Where was my invitation?” 

Your head tilts as Sharon huffs. “You aren’t welcome here!” Your eyes move around the room, connecting with each person. “Hello? Get the fuck out! Didn’t you realise you weren’t welcomed when Steve left you for me?!” 

You smile, your gaze moves back over to hers and you stare. Watching as she shivers under it. “Sharon, Sharon, Sharon. You should know not to mess with a witch, especially a pissed off one.” Your hand flies up, stopping a bullet midair, you slowly tilt your head, looking at the small metal object before your gaze follows where it came from. A grin forms on your face as you connect with Natasha’s. It appears you found something that made the big Black Widow shudder with fear. 

“Y/n, stop this. You are only hurting yourself.” You blink, once, twice, thrice before your laughter fills the room, sending chills up everyone’s spines. “Why are you laughing?! Do you not realise how insane you look right now?!” 

“Sweet, sweet Natasha.” The bullet melts as you direct your hand toward her, lifting her in the air, watching her dangle as she struggles. “I’m not hurting myself, I’ve finally healed from the pain you all put me through. Because, sure I loved Steve and it felt like my heart had been ripped out when he constantly cheated on me with some wannabe tramp. But I could’ve lived through that, what I wasn’t expecting was the heartbreak from the people I considered family.” A growl rumbles within your throat, eyes glowing brighter with each word and emotion. “I can no longer hurt myself when you did a wonderful job of it for me.” You twitch, you can feel the stupid witch trying to enter your mind, her magic feels like something irritating, like a jumper that continues to itch because someone made it out of that horrible fabric.

You continue your hold on Natasha, turning your head, gold meets red. “What are you doing, Little Witch?” You blink, sending her flying across the room, crashing into a row of ugly flowers, causing you to scrunch your nose. “Ew, who chooses weeds for their special day?” You huff, feeling a body slam into you and your other hand reaches out, strangling Vision as he tries to charge again. “What is with you people, don’t you know it’s rude to just attack a person.”

“Y/n stop. That’s enough.” Two years ago, your heart would’ve pounded inside your chest from hearing his voice. But now, your heart lies cold within your body. The rest of the team that you don’t have a hold on, stand, readying for a fight. It felt comedic. “If you don’t leave, we will make you leave.” 

You throw your head back, letting out another chilling laugh before your head falls forward and you glare at your ex. “You make me leave? Do you think you’re stronger than me? You may be Captain America, but deep down you’re just that weak little boy back in the 40s.” You float over to him, black and gold magic building beneath you in a cloud and the anger builds in your veins. Your hands fly back, throwing those you had in your hold against the church walls before you reach in front, releasing all your magic onto the one man, watching him fall to his knees. “You and your team are no match for me, Steve Rogers. You will never be, you will all fall before you even manage to take me with you.” You lower to the ground, standing over him, leaning over, moving your face close enough that it looks as though you are about to kiss. “You will beg me for your life. It may not be today or a year from now, but you will.” You grip his chin between your fingers, forcing him to look into your eyes as you smile. 

Your eyes flash, stopping Tony from approaching, his Iron Man suit begins to slowly enclose on him, squashing him from the inside. “Not so fast, Mr Stark.” Your magic wraps around Steve’s body, keeping him in his position as you turn and face the rest of the Avengers. You look at each and everyone of them, letting your magic explode around you and the room, wrapping around them. “Soon you will all fall, no longer loved, no longer remembered. The world will move on without you and in your demise, you will beg me for help, falling deeper and onto your knees. Sacrificing your beliefs and pride.” You begin to descend from the steps, smirking. “Hm, why don’t I continue to torture you guys some more.” 

With a wave of your hand, all their nightmares come to life. Every single person or thing that they don’t want to face appear in front of them, torturing them, allowing you to sit back and watch with a smile, a glass of wine appears in your hand as you watch them all suffer. A few hours pass and you grow bored, making everything disappear along with yourself. 

While your magic circulated around them, it allowed you to see their future and it gave you many ideas to how you could continue to ruin their lives. Starting with the man who destroyed you. You close your eyes, feeling your spirit escape you and travel back in time, appearing in front of a woman that many looked up to. 

“Peggy Carter.” She spins, looking around for the voice. Your eyes glow and your magic surrounds her. “The love you feel for Steve Rogers will turn into hate, he will appear soon and will want to stay. You will fill his head with every hurtful thing you’ve thought of. You will see who he really is and how much he has changed when he was the smaller version of himself. You will destroy him, rip out his heart and squash it in front of his eyes. He will finally know how it is to feel his heart being broken.” She blinks, walking over to the photo of Steve, staring at it, and wondering why she has it before Peggy grabs the photo and drops it into the bin. 

You smirk, disappearing back into your time and body. Your eyes open with an evil glint, staring right at the readers.

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[jedi-luca]

Avenger Lane Chapter 14: All My Lovin’

Summary: You and your wife Quinn move your family outside of New York City to Avenger Lane; a small private suburbia. There you face your toughest obstacle of your marriage. Will your marriage with Quinn be strong enough when a certain redheaded beauty captures your attention? 

Parings: Natasha Romanoff x GN!Reader

Warnings: Reader has a Penis

Previous Chapter

The following Monday you were taking Beth and the other kids to school for the weekly carpool when you came home to Quinn leaning against the counter.

“Y/N we need to talk.”

You nodded, setting your keys down. Before sitting at the table.

“I know I’ve made some horrible decisions, but I love you more than anything- besides our daughters of course… I don’t want a divorce, I want to work through this. Maybe find a couples counselor-“

“Quinn no-“

“Y/N I’m begging you to give us another chance.”

“This was our second chance! You wanted to work on your jealousy issues. So you moved us out of the city work an hour less everyday-“

“Y/N please. I’m being fair here.”

“Fair?! Are you fucking kidding me? Fair? You and your witch of a mother stole my chance at a full ride, and you cheated on me with Berry for God knows how long! Let’s not forget you acting like you were pregnant when your tubes were tied!”

“Like I said I made some horrible decisions but-“

“But what? This marriage is over. I’m going to move out, get my own place, take the job Tony offered me and we are divorcing. I do not want to be with you Quinn! The very thought of me still being with you sickens me!”

“Y/N I didn’t want to do this-“

“Do what?”

The doorbell rang and Quinn looked away as you made your way to the door.

“Quinn it’s your assistant-“

“I’m so sorry about this Y/N-“ the assistant handed you a document. “You’ve… been served.”

“What?!” Your neck nearly snapped looking over at Quinn as her assistant ran away. “You’re fucking serving me?!”

“It’s the only way! I need another chance-“

“So in order to get that you’re serving me?!”

“Y/N-“

“Get the fuck out of my face. I hate you!” You breathe out angrily.

“Y/n-“

“LEAVE QUINN!”

She nodded and quickly ran up to her study..

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“Quinnie, are you sure about this? Do you really think it’s wise to listen to mom? I mean she’s a big part of the reason you’re in this shit.” Frannie asked as she helped her sister make the guest bed in her home.

“I won’t lose Y/N.”

“Why would you wanna hurt them more by doing this? Y/N made it clear they want a divorce. You have done too much damage. Please for the kids sake just let Y/N have the divorce and go back to the city.”

“No! What do you not get!? Y/N is mine! I will not lose them!” Quinn shouted.

“Don’t shout… your niece is asleep in the other room.” Frannie grit. “You’re making a mistake.” 

“Frannie.” Quinn sighed, rubbing her head.

“Y/N said they hate you… hate. Quinn, that's the word they used. Y/N wants a divorce they do not want to be with you any longer.”

“They didn’t mean it. They were just angry.”

“Y/N wouldn’t just throw that word around. If you truly loved Y/N you would take your losses and leave before this gets uglier.”

“I can’t.” Quinn cried sitting down as Franny held her.

“If you love someone but they don’t love you then you’ve gotta let them go.”

Frannie knows Quinn has the worst parts of their parents. A pure evil mix of envy and bullheadedness. She knows her little sister will always stand in her own way through life. Especially now.

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A couple weeks later

Natasha could feel the bile rise in her throat seeing Quinn walk in with you.

“Natty!” Fin squealed, running straight to her.

“Hi sweetheart!” Natasha smiled lovingly at your daughter lifting her up in her arms.

“I misded you!” Finley squeezed her neck.

“I missed you too; so much.” Natasha cooed, rubbing her back softly. She leaned back a bit to get Finley’s attention.

“Are you excited to learn more today?”

“Yes!” She beamed.

“Good, why don’t you go ahead and put your shoes on.”

“Okay!” She cheered as Natasha set her back down. You let Quinn help her with her ballet shoes and walked towards the redhead.

“Hi.” You gulped.

“You’re- you’re back with her?” She asked folding her arms, her jaw clenching and unclenching. 

“No, God no… the judge said we needed to go through couples counseling. I wouldn’t say we’re back together. We just have to do this for bit and then I can legally divorce her.”

Natasha nodded, as she briefly looked down.

“I uh…made you this.” You handed Natasha a present.

She smiled while taking it from your hand.

“It’s just a frame I thought maybe you could commemorate your first class.”

She nodded looking at the wooden frame. She traced the words on the frame and looked up. “You made this?”

“Hmhm.”

“Thank you, Y/N, it’s beautiful.”

“You’re welcome.”

Her eyes are piecing and you can’t help but waiver beneath her gaze.

“I should; let you get to it then.”

“I miss you.” She said softly.

“I miss you too, so much.” You reply.

“You haven’t called me or texted me I thought you said we could keep talking at the very least.”

“I know I’m sorry I’ve been really struggling lately. She’s fucking draining me Nat.” Your voice wavered. 

“I’m here for you, Y/N-“ the redhead began until she was interrupted.

“Natasha?” Quinn interrupts as she steps beside you.

“Yes?” She asks with a heavy gulp.

“I just wanted to apologize for my behavior. You did not deserve that whatsoever. I understand if you hate me, but I just need you to know that, and to know how grateful I am for this class for Fin. I can’t wait to see her in the recital!”

Natasha nodded, crossing her arms.

“Hey sis!” Yelena walked up knowing her sister needed an and out as she pulled her close.

“Hey Yelena.” You smile stiffly feeling wildly uncomfortable.

“Y/N, good to see ya.” She smiles. “This must be the Cyka, I’ve been hearing all about. You’ve got a lot of gall coming in here.”

Quinn gaped, not understanding what was going on.

“We better get going.” You say nudging Quinn knowing she had about 5 seconds to get the hell out of there before the young blonde kicked her ass.

“Thanks again Nat.” You say and she nods in response.

“I know that hurt but you gotta be strong.” Yelena turns to her sister. Natasha nods and Yelena takes the bag from her and gives her a big bear hug before letting go.

Natasha clears her throat and chuckles seeing Finley dancing with the other kids.

“Okay class, who's ready to learn?!” Natasha beams.

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You waited patiently as the toddlers in the class said goodbye to Natasha leaving with their parents.

“Papa!” Finley beamed up as Yelena helped her take her ballerina shoes off. 

“Hey bubs, did you have fun?” You grin and she nods excitedly.

Natasha was trying to clean up when you began helping her.

“Thanks.” She said as you both finished up.

“Anytime.” You reply.

Yelena smirks as her sister just stares at you waiting to speak.

You looked away from Natasha’s captivating eyes before speaking. “Can we talk for a minute?”

She nods and you both walk to another empty room that seems to be the break room.

“I’m sorry about Quinn, she just really wanted to apologize. I told her don’t hold your breath.”

Natasha nodded slightly upset again. “Why Y/N?”

“I don’t know she’s seeing a psychiatrist now and-“

“No, why are you still with her? She’s hurt you in so many ways and you’re with her?”

“It’s not like that, I know it looks like, but if I don’t go to couples therapy I will lose the girls. Besides, it's court ordered.”

“She seriously took you to court?”

“Jen, did the best she could do but since Quinn’s father has political ties he managed to get the judge in her favor.”

“I thought you said she doesn’t talk to him?”

“I thought so too, I guess she’s more like her father than I give her credit for.”

“Did you tell your parents yet?”

“No.” You sighed. “I don’t want them to worry or get upset.”

“You need to tell them Y/N.” She raised her brow.

“I know.” You nod.

“How many appointments do you have left?”

“I’m not even half way yet.” You sighed.

She nodded sadly.

“But I’ve been working for Tony and he told me he might be able to help me out with the court as well.” You grin when you see her smile. “Quinn’s working from home now she’s taking care of the girls full time. So you’re looking at a working stiff now.”

“That’s really great Y/N.” She nods, still smiling.

“God, I miss you.” You can’t help but say and her smile fades.

“I miss you too. A lot.” She says sadly. “This is harder than I thought… being away from you.”

You caress her cheek and her green eyes flutter. You lean down kissing her softly. Natasha knows she shouldn’t kiss you back but she’s missed you and she can’t help but pull you in letting the kiss deepen.

You find the strength to not let it go further and respect her boundaries. Your foreheads stay touching as you both cool down and you can feel her breath against your skin.

“I’m leaving for Japan soon with Tony for a few days and then we’re back in NYC.”

“Wow. I haven’t been to Japan in a long time.” She chuckled.

“I’d beg you to come with me but I know… you’ve got the studio and well I’ve got my mess.” You smile sadly and she hugs you tightly. “Do you want anything from there?”

“I’ll send you a list.” She says making you laugh.

“Alright.” You kiss the top of her head.

“So I won’t be seeing you these next few lessons with Finley?”

“No… but don’t worry I asked Wanda if she could bring Fin and of course she said yes.”

“Thank you.” She replied.

“Of course.”

“If everything goes to plan the recital will be right before Thanksgiving. You’ll be there right?” 

“Front and center.” You grin.

She leans up kissing you once more. “Come on.” She sighs against your lips.

You both walk back to her studio.

“Hey Y/N we’re all having Thanksgiving at the Barton’s if you wanna join?” Yelena grinned as Finley climbed on her thighs.

“We’re actually going back to Lima for Thanksgiving. We usually have Finn’s memorial around the same time.”

“Papa, can Lena and Natty come with us to visit popo and GG?”

“I would love to, Finny, but Natty and I have to stay here.”

“Awwww.” Finley sighed sadly.

“But we’ll see each other when you get back.” Lena smiled. “Plus you’re not even leaving yet but we still have lots and lots of practicing to do.”

“Oh well when I do get back will you take me to the slide?” Finley giggled as she spun around with Yelenas help.

“Yes bug we will go to the slide.” Yelena smiles.

“And the swings?” 

“And the swings.” 

“Then ice cream?” 

“It’ll be too cold for ice cream, are you crazy?” Yelena chuckled, lifting up your giggle monster. “What are you Russian?”

“I think I’ve been traded for a younger Romanoff model.” Natasha chuckled.

“Nah, that’s not true. Right Fin? You love Natty?”

“I love Natttty!” She yelled giggling as Yelena tickled her as she tried to run to Natasha.

Natasha lifted her up holding her tight. “I love you too Finny.”

“Muah!” Your toddler leaned back kissing Natasha on the cheek. “You’re my favorite Natty.” Fin whispered in her ear.

Natasha felt her heart warm as she whispered back. “You’re mine too.”

“It’s time to go kiddo.”

“Awwww, I don wanna leave Natty.”

“I know you don’t.” You say as you take her from Natasha’s arms. “Trust me I don't want to either.” you mutter low enough for Natasha to hear.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Fin.” the redhead smiles lovingly.

“Oookay.” She sighed holding Natasha’s fingers. “Bye Lena, love you!” She said from your arms.

“Bye bug, love you, I'll see you at the same time tomorrow.” Yelena smiled.

“I meant what I said we’re going to happen, Nat. I promise you.” You say softly as you hold her hand that holds your daughters.

She nods giving you an unspoken look that you just know means she really wants to kiss you. So instead you lean down and kiss her cheek. She nods, kissing your cheek in return as well as Fin’s who giggles in response.

“I’ll see you again soon. Bye Lena.” 

“Bye Y/N.”

With that you walked out with Finley in your arms.

“You okay?” 

“I don’t know, maybe? I’d be better if Y/N wasn’t around that wretched woman and was with me instead.”

“It’ll happen. I just know it.”

“How?” Natasha deflated against her sister.

“Because of the way Y/N looks at you. Like you’re the sun after a thunderstorm. Come on, let's close up get some bad take out and binge watch something funny like Parks and Rec.”

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It’s been a few days since you left for Japan. When you sent Natasha a text.

She giggled at a video of you racing Tony on a Mario Kart.

You sent her videos of you trying foods and grabbing everything off her list that she wanted. Texts of your days and how much you miss her.

She spent her days thinking about you and in the studio with her pupils. That’s it, days passed by in heartache by not having you there, but you always checked in. You always told her the same thing. 

‘I miss you.’ 

God did she miss you too. The only thing she had of you was your hoodie and being able to see your daughter in every lesson. She counted down the days until the recital when she could see you again.

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As for you, your days were stressful. It was definitely a struggle trying to be a parent and work a full time job. You loved your work though it was the only thing that made your days better besides your kids. It keeps your mind occupied.

The couples therapy turned into individual therapy sessions. 

“So Y/N, how has the week been since the last time I had you and Quinn in?”

“I’m in love with Natasha.” You say bluntly.

“The neighbor that’s become a close friend? The one Quinn is afraid of?”

You nodded.

“Well, tell me more. How long have you had these feelings?”

“I think I’ve had them for a while now but I didn’t notice until we’ve been apart. I’ve been with Quinn since high school. I never cheated, not once. I’ve had women fall for me, and I never felt anything for them.”

“Until now.”

“Until now.” You nod in agreement.

“Do you even love Quinn anymore?”

You sighed, rubbing your head. 

“Remember our conversations stay between us. I do not discuss anything with Quinn and vice versa. Now think about that question again and tell me how you feel.”

“I don’t love her anymore. She’s ruined all the trust I had in her. I thought maybe if I just-“ you began tearing up trying not to let your voice crack. “I just thought that if I tried, maybe I could love her again, especially for the girls, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m starting to hate her and resent her and I don’t want to feel that way for the mother of my children.”

“That’s completely understandable Y/N. Thank you for sharing. I know that was hard.” She said handing you the tissue box.

“Now tell me how Natasha makes you feel.”

“She makes me happy, and I don’t feel like I’m ever walking on eggshells with her. She’s been there for me through everything.”

“Are you having an affair with her?”

“No, we agreed we’d wait for my divorce.”

“So she does feel the same way?”

You looked your therapist in the eyes before nodding. “Yes”

“Does she know you love her?”

“I haven’t told her.”

“Why haven’t you?”

“I’m kind of scared.”

“Why's that? You and Quinn seem to be done. You may need a divorce or separation which leaves you single.”

“She makes me want to go out and buy her a ring, and I’m in the middle of a divorce.”

“It’s always scary when feelings develop. Especially in the middle of separation or divorce.”

“I know she’d never hurt me, but it’s still daunting.” 

“Who? Natasha?”

You nod fiddling with your hands. “She just radiates love and kindness. I’d trust her with my life and with my daughters' lives.”

“Have you two kept in contact?” Agatha asks.

“We have but just through texts really. Work and the kids have been keeping me pretty busy.”

“Right, Quinn is staying home with the kids now.”

“Yes.”

“How has that been?” 

“Good I think.”

“Is that what she tells you?”

“We don’t really talk too much. When we do it’s when the kids are around.”

Agatha nods jotting down a note from Quinn’s perspective; it has not been going well. She’s been struggling with being at home and taking on your old role. Fin needs constant attention and Beth’s grades are dropping and she’s been getting in more trouble at school. Apparently she hasn’t shared that with you.

“Do you miss being home with the girls?”

“Sometimes but I love my job too so it’s tough.” You chuckled. 

“When the divorce is final how will you juggle the girls?”

“Stark Industries has a daycare in the office so I can have Fin with me, and Beth is good friends with the bosses daughter and the kids on the block so I won’t have to worry too much about carpool.”

Agatha nodded, writing out her notes.

“Where do you think you’ll live?”

“Well I have a few options.” You say.

Agatha nodded for you to continue.

“There's a house for sale a block away from Avenger Lane on Midnight Sun street. That way Beth is still close to her mother and the school.” You opted out on announcing the possibility of moving in with Natasha.

“That’s great.” She nods jotting down a note once again. “Have you thought about custody yet?”

“Of course and I would love for us to trade off weeks.”

“What if Beth doesn’t want to do that?” Agatha asks.

You gulp sitting up a bit. “Well then she can stay with her mother and visit with me when she’s ready.”

Agatha nods and looks up at the clock.

“Well that’s all for today. It was good to see you this morning.”

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Recital night

“Hey, Finley, your Papa is gonna have dinner with us tonight after she comes to your ballet recital. Are you excited?”

“Yeah!” Finley cheered.

“Let’s call her.”

“Hey, I was just about to call you.” She hears you say.

“Hey, are you close?”

“I am still in Manhattan, actually.” You sighed.

“What?” She hissed.

“It’s insane. The secretary of state got cold feet, so I’m stuck here trying to keep him on board.”

“I wish you would have told me an hour ago, when you knew you weren’t gonna make it.”

“Quinn, I couldn’t get out. I barely made it out just to make this phone call.”

“I want Papa!”

“You’re gonna do great. And you know what? Mommy’s gonna record it. So we’ll watch it together. Do you mind doing that, Q?”

“Of course.”

“Okay. Are you sure you know how to do video on the phone?”

“Yes, Y/N, I think I know how to point a rectangle at something.” She furrowed her brows and scoffed.

“Okay, okay, you know, just sometimes you’re not the best with technology.”

“I know how to operate my phone, okay? Listen, we’re getting close. We will talk to you later. Say, ‘Bye, Daddy.’”

“Bye, Daddy.”

“Bye…Yep. See, you’ve still got to press End, Q”

“Press “End.” Finley repeated.

You sighed, rubbing your temples before checking your phone. 

Notification 

‘1 bouquet delivered to…’

You sighed at least they made it to her. You really wanted to be there tonight.

“Hey bud.” Tony said softly, noticing your sullen expression. “I’m sorry you’re missing it too Y/N.” He sighed. “If it helps, Pepper just gave me hell.”

“It’s her first recital. I just hope she doesn’t hold it against me one day.” 

“Of course she won’t. Come on, let's try again.” Tony sighed.

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“Who are they from?” Yelena smirked; but fell when Natasha’s smile faltered.

“It’s Y/N, can’t make it tonight after all.” She felt her heart squeeze. 

Yelena snatched the card out of her hands and began reading aloud.

Nat,

I’m sorry I’m not the one handing these to you, and telling you myself just how proud I am of you. You don’t understand how upset I am right now that I won’t be there tonight. I hope I can find a way to make it up to you and Finley. Good luck and break a leg! I know it’ll go off without a hitch. 

I’m sorry that I’m not there,

From Y/N with love

“Wow.” Yelena hummed, setting the card back in the bouquet.

“What?” Natasha asked as she finished applying her lipstick.

“I mean Y/N still missed it, but now you know how much Y/N wanted to be here. Also the flowers they’re Peonies. Like that old Greek tale about Apollo. I’m just saying they actually put forth the thought and effort. Also Y/N ended it with ‘from Y/N with love’.”

“And?”

“And that means they are in love with you.”

“Y/N and I haven’t said that to each other yet.”

“Сестра, ты влюблен в нее, не так ли?” (Sister, you’re in love with them aren’t you?)

Natasha stared at the card you sent.

“Yes… I’m absolutely irrefutably in love with Y/N.”

“Don’t look so sad. It’ll happen, I know it will.”

Natasha nods and smiles in return to her enthusiastic sister.

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Even though you weren’t there, the recital went on without a hitch, or so she thought. After everyone left she walked out to find her car had died but luckily your ex wife was still in the parking lot.

Quinn and Natasha drove in an awkward silence when you called.

“Hey.” Quinn smiled while answering the phone.

“Hey.” You sighed.

“So, how’s it going?”

“We lost the Secretary. I have no idea what happened. It’s like everything I did, he just wouldn’t go for it.”

“I’m so sorry.” Quinn said suddenly wishing she hadn’t answered the call with the redhead sitting next to her and her daughters in the back asleep.

“I have no idea where we’re gonna come up with this money, and we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I feel like you’ve already been working insanely hard.”

“Can you figure out how to upload Finley’s dance recital? I definitely could use a pick-me-up.” You sighed; Natasha’s heart aches she could hear the exhaustion in your voice. 

“Um, actually, funny story — I didn’t get it. I shouldn’t have been so cocky about my rectangle-holding skills after all.” Quinn chuckled but stopped when she noticed the silence over the line. “Y/N?” She called out.

“You’re not serious, are you? You didn’t get any of the recital?”

Natasha bit her lip looking out the window. This was something she knew you had been so excited for. So the anger in your voice for having missed it was no surprise, but this fight she was about to witness was.

“No, I got Natasha introducing them and then the applause afterwards. But not so much of the middle part… Speaking of Natasha-“

“Come on, Quinn.” You sighed before asserting your tone. “Quinn, I asked you if you could use the phone, and you swore that you knew how. Nat had said she could have gotten one and I told her you would get it.”

“Yeah, okay, I’m sorry. I’m sure we can get a copy. A lot of people were recording it.” Quinn shook her head. She dropped the ball.

The two women jumped hearing the sound of your fist banging against something.

“Oh, great. So we’ll see somebody else’s kid with Fin in the background? I mean, it’s really not that hard to film a fucking video, Quinn.” 

Quinn let out a small puff of air. “Is there– um… you want to ease up a little bit? That was pretty harsh. I’m still your wife Y/N.” She inhaled, really wanting to cry.

“Listen, Quinn, I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, what do I do? It’s gone. That moment is just gone. I missed it.”

Your wife scoffed at you causing you to ball up your fist.

“Oh I don’t know, Y/N — maybe you should have been here.”

“You’re not serious, right? Wow. I mean, how is that fair!? I’m in NYC. These are my days in New York. You’ve agreed to this. What? Now you know what it feels like and you hate it?

Natasha looked over with her peripheral seeing Quinn wipe her eyes.

“You know what? I– I– I don’t think you want to start a conversation with me about what’s fair. Okay? This is way more intense than I ever thought it would! Beth—“

“Quinn, I’m not explaining this to you– Quinn, I’m not going over this again. I stayed home and took care of our daughters for years and not once did I complain.” You all but growled. “You owe me this much and you know it.”

“Y/N. I need you.” Tony called out.

“Okay Tony give me a minute… I don’t know how else to tell you, okay? I’m doing everything I can every week to bring home-”

“I am– I am– I am trying to make everything perfect here, okay? So that you can have everything that you want. I’m working from home and I’m putting in half my hours-”

“I’m doing this just for me? Is that what I’m doing? I’m doing it just for me?! If that’s what you think, then this is a really sad night. But you know what? I got to go. Okay?”

“Of course you do.” Quinn muttered.

“Hey come on. We’ll put a pin in this for now and we’ll talk tomorrow?”

“Yep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Quinn’s voice was strained.

“Okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” You sighed.

“Bye.” She squeaked out. 

Quinn pulled into her driveway when Natasha spoke up. 

“Wanda, had her brother have a video of the entire recital. I’ll have her email it to you.”

“Thank you.” Quinn whispered.

“Y/N is just having a bad day and took it out on you. Give them some time.” Natasha explained. 

Quinn chuckled before nodding.

“Thanks for the ride home.” The redhead said softly before turning to open the door only to have Quinn take her hand.

“Thank you Natasha for everything. I treated you like shit just because I was convinced you were in love with Y/N and would somehow steal them away. But I know now you’re just a good friend to Y/N and I need to respect that. I hope one day you can forgive me.”

Natasha felt taken aback. Quinn looked so… sad. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears.

“Of course and don’t worry about it.” She gulped down the feeling of guilt. Because she totally is in love with you, and soon you’ll be together again.

They both got out of the car. Natasha walked to her home as Quinn got Finley up and out of her car seat and gently woke Beth.

Natasha stepped in her home going through her nightly routine. After asking Clint to help her with her car tomorrow she laid down when her phone rang. She furrowed her brows. It was you.

“Y/N?” She answered.

“Hey.” You sounded tired but your tone was different than it was when you had spoken with Quinn. It wasn't irate and angry. It was tired but also tender.

“How are you?”

“Ah, I've had better nights.” You sounded like you were stretching.

“What’s wrong?” She asked as if she didn’t just hear you arguing with your wife.

“I just…” you sighed tiredly rubbing your face. “Nat, do you think me working for Tony is a mistake?”

“What? What do you mean? This is your dream Y/N.” She furrowed her brows sitting up.

“I missed my daughter's first ballet recital, and I missed your debut. I’m so sorry. I wanted to be there so bad Nat you have to believe me. I-“

“Hey.” She said softly before you went down a spiral of self loathing. “It’s okay! There’s going to be so many more, and it’s on video so you can still see it.” 

“I know I let you down.”

“I'll admit I was upset you weren’t there. I just miss you baby, and you promised.”

“I know. I feel sick about it.”

“Well don’t it’s okay I forgive you. I know you wanted to be here. I know you did.”

“So badly.” She hears you lay down. “I- I got in a fight with Quinn about it.” You admit.

“What happened?”

“Now looking back on it I shouldn’t have been so upset with her.” You sighed. “I spoke with her this morning about this meeting Tony and I had with The Secretary of State. Nat this meeting was extremely important. Something happened in the meeting and well the United States is no longer wanting to back Stark Industries. I lost it. Tony lost it. We couldn’t leave. I spent all day in crisis mode and in and out of meetings…. I was so angry that I missed tonight and I may have taken it out on her a bit. I just wanted to see Finley ya know. That was it when I called her tonight. That was all I wanted and she somehow didn’t video Finley. My daughter's first recital was gone. Well not now that I just watched the video, but in that moment I wasn’t thinking and I got so upset with her. I shouldn’t have.” At this point you’re crying a little bit and you’re really trying not too but Nat can tell. “She made a mistake, and she’s been so good too. I’m such an asshole!”

“Y/N you are not an asshole.” She said softly. “You’re stressed, and you’re still hurt by what she did to you. She stole your dream away, lied and cheated. She even served you. If anything I think it would be a little weird if you weren’t upset with her. As for your question in the beginning, no I don’t think you working with Tony is a mistake. You told me this has always been your dream. That unfortunately got taken away from you, but by the grace of Thor-“

You chuckled, wiping your tears.

“-you met Tony and here you are. That’s not a mistake. That’s fate… As for the Secretary, go to him first thing in the morning. You can get him back. I know you can. If you can sell Finley her peas. You can sell tech to that old man.”

You chuckled.

“God, I miss you.” You found yourself saying.

Her breath hitched before smiling softly. “I miss you too baby, I got your flowers by the way. They’re beautiful.” She says softly as she studies them on her nightstand.

“I’m glad you like them.” You said softly you drove yourself mad going through a list of flowers to pick. It had to be perfect. “I still wish I had been able to give them to you in person.”

“Did you pick them?” Natasha asks you after a beat. “I mean I know they were delivered obviously, but did you?” She’s waiting with bated breath for you to answer. She knew it had to be a yes she just knew it. You loved gardening, you know flowers maybe not as much as growing vegetables and fruits, but you knew flowers. Especially since Quinn let it slip that the first time you ever got her flowers was when you were both hiding your relationship. You were 15 and you knew what Gardenias meant. You have to know the story of the flower.

“I did.” You said softly.

Natasha’s breath hitched you picked them for her. You picked a flower that means love and romance and of course Goodwill.

“Did you ever hear the story of Paeonia?”

‘Yes.’ You wanted to say.

“Tell me about it.” You say instead.

“Well the story goes to say that Apollo fell for a Nymph named Paeonia. Apollo found her more beautiful than Aphrodite. Unfortunately for Paeonia, this rubbed Aphrodite the wrong way. She flew into a jealousy-fueled rage. Feeling vengeful, she turned Paeonia into a red peony.”

“Apollo was quite the ladies man.” You chuckled.

“That he was.” Natasha chuckled; she knew she shouldn’t be wondering this but she couldn’t help herself. 

“So… how was the recital Nat?” 

“It was pretty amazing.” She gushed.

“I saw it. It was fantastic! Tell me all about it.”

“Aren’t you tired?”

“Nah.” You smiled, closing your eyes.

“Lies, you just want me to bore you to sleep.” She chuckled.

“Bore? Pshhhh! You could never bore me, Natalia Romanoff.” You chuckled. Her voice could easily lure you to sleep but you could never find her boring.

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You snapped awake, your phone blaring. You blinked a few times at the device. Still half asleep. Your eyes widened realizing you and Natasha never actually hung up the phone. You both must have fallen asleep. It’s your wife calling. 

You hesitantly end the phone call with Natasha and answer Quinn.

“Morning.” You croak out having to clear your throat.

“Are you coming back home so we can leave for Lima?”

You were really trying to forgive Quinn, but deep down you weren’t ready to yet.

“Yes, I just have a meeting here in an hour.”

“Okay.” 

The call ended and you and Tony had your meeting. You worked your magic, and remembered Natasha’s encouraging words. Even Tony was in wonderment as you spoke to the Secretary of State, but by the end of your speech they agreed and signed the contract.

And you and Tony shared a bottle of champagne on the way back home.

“I’m proud of you kid.”

“Thanks Tony.”

“I know you missed Finley’s recital and Natasha’s debut. Just remember that it does come with the job. It’s unfortunate it is but we just signed a very big fucking deal and you fucking did it. Not only that but your building your children’s futures. They will understand when they’re holding their diplomas in their hands and realizing how hard you worked to get them there.”

You nodded as you both toasted.

“How’s the divorce going?”

“Not good. She won’t fucking sign the papers Tony, and she fucking served me.” You huffed downing the flute. Tony refilled it.

“Don’t worry I’ll take care of it. You need to tell your dad what’s going on.”

“I don’t want to worry him.”

“I can understand that but he deserves to know. It would break my heart to know my kid was going through this alone and I didn’t know. You said you’re leaving for Lima today tell them, and what about Nat?”

“What about her?”

“Does she know you’ve been served?”

“No but I’ll tell her.” You sighed.

“It’s important she knows too. I know you two love each other. You can see it written on your face from fucking space.” He laughed.

“I haven’t told her yet… I want to be divorced first.”

“I get that it’s honorable.” He nodded.

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Once you get back home you rush towards Natasha’s home knocking.

“Y/N.” She says in surprise, bringing you inside.

You hug her tightly. It's been so long since you held her.

“How long are you leaving this time?” She mumbled against your chest.

“About a week. Taking the kids to see my parents back in Lima and we usually have Finn’s memorial as well around this time.”

“Have you…” she clears her throat. “Have you told your parents yet?

“I don’t know if I should yet. I'm pretty torn.”

“Well, do you plan on staying with her?” She asked, stepping back, her eyes hardened.

“No… you know I don’t.” You say stepping closer trying to take her hand only for her to smack it away.

“Then you need to tell them.” She raised her brow.

“I’m just worried-“

“Your parents are grown ups Y/N they handled a teen pregnancy they can handle this.”

You purse your lips and nod. “I’ll tell them.”

She nods, feeling apprehensive.

“Hey come on, Nat, don’t do that, I will, I promise you, I will.” You say taking her hands.

“Okay.” She nods.

“Come here.” You say bringing her in a hug.

Natasha squeezes you tight, breathing you in and so do you.

“I meant to give you this last night after your debut.” You said pulling out a small jewelry box. You opened it revealing a golden diamond tennis bracelet.

“Y/N.” Natasha closed the box.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

“This just feels… wrong.”

“Wrong? How?” You frowned.

“It just feels like you’re… you’re trying to buy my forgiveness.”

“I guess it does seem that way, but it’s not meant to be. I was supposed to be there for you and Fin last night. I had it all planned.” You sighed sitting against the shoulder of her sofa. “I was going to bring Finley and give her some chocolate flowers and you the flowers I had sent and this bracelet I found in Tokyo.”

Natasha walked over between your legs. “I don’t need anything I just want you, I keep telling you that.” She says softly.

“This is just my love language, Nat, I do acts of service and give gifts when I’m away from people I care about for a long time.” You explain. “This bracelet isn’t me buying your forgiveness. If that’s how you feel then I’ll keep it.”

She shook her head and placed her hand on your heart. “No it’s okay it’s just I’ve never had someone who's gotten me things and made acts of service for me. I’m not used to it.” 

“I probably shouldn’t have gotten something so…” You nod looking away from her eyes feeling foolish.

“It’s beautiful.” She says softly, turning you by the chin. She kisses you and your hands grip her hips. She whimpers letting her fingers peek in between the buttons of your dress shirt.

“Hmm.” You hum taking her bottom lip in between teeth. “I miss you baby.” 

“I miss you too.” She says kissing you again letting her tongue meet yours.

Her negligee is thin and her robe is undone you can feel her thigh against you.

Your kiss is turning a little heated and sloppy teeth are beginning to clash and you feel the heat of her breath against your skin.

She presses her hands against your chest and lays her forehead against yours. “God this is so hard not being with you.” She whispers.

“I know. I just need a little more time and I promise I’ll be yours.” You stand and hold her close. “You were right by the way. I got the Secretary to sign.”

“I knew you would.” She smiled up at you.

Her hand makes its way down, and you raise your brows. She rolled her eyes and took out the new box.

“Put it on me.” She says.

You open it and take the bracelet from its silky cushion and place it around her wrist. You kiss her hand and say:

“I’m gonna miss you.” You say.

“I’m gonna miss you more.” She replies with a sniffle.

“Not a chance.” You say making her laugh.

You kiss her one more time she hums. Her hand going beneath your coat to rest against your heart. The diamonds twinkle beneath the morning sun.

“I have to go. Our flight leaves soon.”

She nods and kisses you softly as you hold her.

“I’ll see you soon.” 

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“Thanks again for picking us up from the airport Frankie.” Quinn says from the backseat.

“Yeah thanks dad.”

“Thanks poppop.” Beth smiles from her switch.

“Tanks popo.”

“Oh of course!” Frankie smiles in the rear view mirror. 

“Y/N how’s Nat doing?”

“Good she just opened up a ballet studio. Fin is her student!”

“Oh well that’s fantastic, good for her! Beth, you don’t wanna learn Ballet?”

“I am; just from mom.” She replied back.

“Bonding time is always nice.” Frankie nodded feeling it was a sensitive subject.

“Where’s mom? At home?” You asked, changing the subject.

“Of course just making your favorite.” He chuckled.

“Popo?”

“Yes Fin?” Your dad smiled through the rearview mirror.

“Wanna see me dance?”

“Yes honey when we get home you can show me and GG!”

“Yayyyyyyy!” Finley cheered.

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“Mom.” You sighed practically falling in her strong arms. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Your mom couldn’t help but cry holding you tight for just a minute longer before letting you go to see you. “Oh baby you look tired and have you been eating? Come inside!” She pushed you inside towards the kitchen before turning and giving Beth a hug.

“Hi GG!” Beth smiled hugging her close.

“Oh Bethy your getting so big please stop!” Sophia sniffled before letting her go as Finley ran towards her dropping her backpack on the grass for her popo to pick up.

“GG!!!!!” She squealed, running towards your mother jumping in her arms.

“Mi Reina!” Your mother cooed, rocking her side to side.

Quinn gulped feeling guilt ridden as Sophia smiled at her. “Hello, Quinn.” She hugged her and Quinn hugged back feeling like she was going to just break down in tears.

���Come on inside, it's time to eat.”

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You could feel your parents doing that thing where they telepathically communicate and stare at you.

“Papa, this is my favorite too!” Finley smiled as she chewed looking up at you.

Your parents chuckled and your mom leaned over kissing Fin’s cheek.

“When’s Finn’s memorial?” You dad asks.

“Probably Friday.” You nod.

“I ran into his mother the other day. She and Burt are doing well.”

“That’s good.” Quinn speaks up.

“I still can’t believe he’s gone. He’d show up everyday just to play with you.” Sophia smiled sadly.

“Uncle Finn?” Beth asked looking up.

“Hmhm, two peas in a pod; three of you really if you count Mikey.” Sophia chuckled.

“I was always happy you had two best friends.” Your dad smiled. “A classic friendship and plenty of memories.”

“What was the funniest thing that they did?” Beth asked.

“Well let’s see.” Your dad looked deep in thought when your mother chuckled and leaned over.

“Oh God, don't give her any ideas please.” You groaned.

“Once they learned an entire Backstreet Boys dance and showed off to that cute little girl what was her name? Gabrielle?”

“Avery.” Quinn muttered.

“That’s the one!” Your mom laughed.

“Or the time you sent that kid all the way to LA.” Your raised his brow.

“Wait what?!” Beth giggled.

“Your papa was a tyrant.” Your mom smirked.

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“I’m gonna go visit my mother for a bit.” Quinn speaks softly.

You nod not looking at her. 

“Baby please look at me.” She sniffles, placing her hands on your cheeks.

“Don’t call me that.” You respond by taking her hands off of you.

“There was a time where you loved me and couldn’t keep your hands off me. Why can’t we just go back? Start over?”

“You know why Quinn.” You say stepping away and sitting down on your old computer chair.

“Y/N we’ve been together since high school. We have Beth and Finley. Our friends. Please I’m begging you-“

“You need to understand that I do not love you anymore. The thought of us together makes me sick. We are over. We’ve been over for so long. You just didn’t want to admit it. That’s why you snuck around.”

“I made some stupid decisions, but you were never one of them. I love you Y/N I always have and I always will.”

You looked away.

Quinn sighs in defeat before leaving the house.

You make your way back downstairs when you see your parents sitting in the living room.

“So? You're gonna tell us what’s wrong?” Your dad asked, setting his newspaper down as you mom sat on the arm of his chair.

You rubbed your face, the jig is up, they always know when something is wrong. Natasha’s face comes to mind.

“Get it off your shoulders Y/N.” Your mom whispered.

“Quinn and I are separated.” You say softly.

Your parents nod understanding as they look at one another.

“What happened?”

“You’re going to be very upset.” You say trying not to cry.

“What have I always said to you about that?” Your dad responds.

“We’ve had a rocky year. We purposely moved out of the city to help our relationship but it’s only gotten worse. I found that she cheated on me, got her tubes tied then tried to untie them, but worse she and her mother…”

“What did that bitch do?” Your mother all but growls.

“She’s the reason I didn’t get into MIT. She took my letter and declined it before I could see it.” You sniffle.

“I’m gonna kill her!” Your mother stands rushing to the closet.

“Sophia!” Your dad runs after her just as she grabbed your old metal bat. “No honey no!” Your dad said, trying to take it from her.

“She ruined our baby’s college career Frankie!” 

“I understand you’re upset so am I and I’m sure our baby is too, but she’s a Fabray if you just go there guns blazing you will end up in jail. No, we have to be cunning. We have to be smart. This isn’t checkers hun this is chess.” 

Your mom finally lets go and your father places it back in the closet and goes over to the bar to make your mother a drink.

“Y/N do you have a lawyer.”

“Yes but she served me our last court day she got the judge to give us court ordered couples therapy to prolong the divorce.”

“That’s okay we can use the therapy to our advantage and we can serve them. What she did is a felony.”

“I don’t want this to get uglier dad.”

“It already is Y/N.”

“No one hurts our family and gets away with it.” Your mother raised her brow laying a hand on Frankie’s shoulder.

“Alright so this is what you’re gonna do Y/N.” Your father begins.

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After following your fathers instructions you sat down next to him as your mother played with the girls..

“Despite all of this bad news I did find some good.”

“Oh? Is that Natasha?”

“Well yes but Tony was the one that found out about MIT he had Nat tell me… He also gave me a job. I’ve been working with him for the past few weeks.”

“Really?” Your dad asked, raising his brows as you nodded. “Y/N that’s great.” He smiled

“Dad, I'm kind of scared. The Fabrays have never been one to play.”

“I promise you the plan will work.”

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“Thank you for dinner, this is just absolutely delicious.” Your mother smiled villainously.

“Oh I’m glad you like it Sophia you’ll have to come again sometime.” Judy smiles. “By the way, where are the girls?”

“They’re with Santana and Brittany.” You responded.

“Oh okay.” Judy said sadly when the doorbell suddenly rang.

“Mind if I grab a drink?” Sophia asks.

“Oh yes of course. Let me see who's at the door.”

Judy stood walking to the door.

“You should go with your mother.” You nodded towards Quinn.

“Mom, what's going on.”

“Oh great two birds one stone. Quinn and Judy Fabray?” The courier asked.

“Yes?”

“You’ve been served.” 

“Wait what?! There must be some kind of mistake!”

“Oh no it was deliberate just like how you stole my child’s chance at MIT.” Sophia spoke walking up to Judy with you and Frankie in tow. 

“Sophia I-“

“Shush now honey, you’ll let the flies in. Just save it for the judge.”

“We’ll see you both in court.” Your father gruffs.

“Y/N-“ Quinn begins.

“It’s best if you stay here.”

“Y/N please!” Quinn pleaded but it was too late you had already slammed the door shut.

“I told you over and over again not to listen to mom. You both are fucking unbelievable.” With that Frannie grabbed her things and left the Fabray mansion.

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It was late in the night the girls were sound asleep and it was just you and your parents.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner sweetheart?” Your mom asks taking your hand across the table.

“I just wanted to try and handle it on my own and not worry you guys. I just didn’t want to disappoint you again.”

“We’ve told you time and time again.” Your parents sighed, shaking they’re heads.

“I know, I know.” You sighed rubbing your temple. “There’s something else you should know. A month ago I realized maybe Quinn wasn’t too far off about me having feelings about Natasha. We’ve gotten closer and well I’m in love with her, but you have to know I didn’t leave Quinn for her. That’s not how any of this happened.”

You parents nodded, taking it all in.

“So you love her huh?” Your dad asked.

“I do… I kind of figured it out a while back, but we never did anything, just stayed friends of course. Then when I left Quinn and I stayed with Nat. It was the last night I stayed there but we slept together. We knew we probably should’ve waited at least until the divorce is final, and we had that discussion we’re waiting to be together once this is over. I probably shouldn’t have even told you that part but it’s important because…” you reached into your pocket taking out a box.

Your mom gasped.

“I love her so much and this time apart has only proved that I wanna spend the rest of my days with her. I know it’s soon but I honestly have given it a lot of thought. She means so much to me.”

“So you fell in love with Natasha and now you want to marry her.” Your dad chuckled.

And your mom looked at him wondering what he was thinking.

“You know if we hadn't met her, I probably would have thought you were acting childish, but she was a beautiful and sweet woman. Your mom and I fell in love with her instantly.”

Your mom looked almost relieved at his answer.

“We just want you to be happy.” Your mom replied. 

“Is it pretty fast? Yeah.” Your dad laughed. “But if she makes you happy, actually happy then lock her down.”

Your mom laughed, kissing his cheek and you wiped your tears.

“Let me see it.” Your mom beamed as you handed the the ring.

“Wow.” Your parents gasped.

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“Thanks again for watching the girls.”

“Of course.” Your mom smiled, squeezing Beth as they made dinner.

“Don’t worry we’ve got them. Go on to Finn’s memorial.” Your dad waved you off.

You nodded, grabbing your keys and pecking parents as well as your daughter's cheeks. “I love you all I won’t be back too too late.”

Your dad smirked as you walked out.

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You were the first one to walk into the old choir room seeing some things have changed. You could practically see your old silhouettes dancing and singing. 

Your turned hearing footsteps. Mercedes, Sam, Tina, Mike, Artie, Kurt, Blaine, Santana, and Brittany all came in.

“What a nerd, always on time.” Santana snickered, giving you a hug.

“We may have been gossiping about you.” Mike cringed feeling Santana smack his shoulder.

“They just gave us a heads up.” Tina frowned.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.” Mercedes frowned, giving you a hug.

“It’s okay guys really.” You sighed.

“Do you think they’re going to show up?” Kurt asked.

“I don’t know, I mean, I won’t be upset if they do. This is for Finn, not me.” You shrug.

“You’re bigger than me.” Santana scoffed.

“Hmhm.” Mercedes nodded her head.

“I served her and Judy yesterday.”

“Pause. What!?” Santana raised her hand.

“I have a feeling she’ll sign in a few days.” You say.

“Oh for sure the Fabrays hate a bad image.” Santana huffed.

“Soooo how’s it going with a certain redhead?” Mike raised his brows.

“Ohhh I knew it!” Santana crouched down fist pumping.

“Noooo! You and the ex model?!” Mercedes gasped.

“Natasha?!” Kurt gasped, falling in Blaine’s arms.

“Alright take it easy.” You muttered.

“Dude nice!” Sam nodded.

“So what’s going on with that?” Tina asked.

“Well… when I left Quinn I stayed with Nat and well the last night I stayed with her….” You nodded.

“Woooow.” Brittany muttered. 

“It just sort of happened, and I don’t know I’ve been having these feelings for her and that week really solidified everything for me.”

“So you two are together?” Mike asked.

“We’re waiting.” You shook your head.

“Why?!” Santana scoffed.

“We wanna wait until Quinn and I are divorced.”

“Damn, she must really love you to deal with Quinn’s crazy ass.” Artie commented.

“Ohhh yeah Artie you were right by the way.”

“I’m always right… but about what?” He kinked his brow.

“Steve is gay. He and Bucky are together.”

“I fucking called it.” Artie smirked, wheeling away.

You smiled to yourself, you turned towards Kurt and Blaine. “You alright there Kurt?”

“I’m just so happy.” He cried, dabbing his eyes as Blaine fanned him. “Steve’s gay and you’ve snagged Natasha.”

“She’s such a class act and absolutely gorgeous we’re so happy for you Y/N.” Blaine smiled.

“Thank you.” You said softly before snapping a quick pic of the scene before you and sending it to Natasha with the caption.

McKinley’s resident Diva finding out about us.

Nat: That’s hilarious 😆 Also you told them?

You: I did… is that okay?

Nat: more than okay 🥹😚❤️‍🔥

You: 😊🥰😚

“Do you guys think Shue is coming?” Sam asked.

“Ew I hope not.” Brittany cringed.

“Sorry we’re late guys.” 

You all turn around seeing Quinn and Rachel walk in. Quinn’s nose was a pink hue and bags are now puffy from crying.

“I was thinking we could stick to what we have been doing every year? Everyone who wants to sing can sing and maybe we can end with a group song?” Rachel gulped feeling daggers at her face. 

“Okay maybe we should all clear the air first? Then make this about Finn?”

“No we need to focus on Finn I don’t think you wanna hear what we have to say.” Mike grit.

“Well Michael, I think it’s best to clear the air.” Rachel doubled down.

“Oh no honey there’s nothing to clear. We know what’s going on.” Mercedes scoffed.

“Guys please I know you’re angry with me but Rachel really isn’t the problem just direct it to me.” Quinn sighed.

“I mean she did confront Nat about getting her to break us up but yeah sure let’s not say she had no hand in it.” You nodded.

“Skirrrrt what?!” Artie tilted his head.

“Okay, I was drunk and I did say that, but I saw how close the two of you were. Y/N deny it all you want but I saw how close the two of you were that night at your party. KISSING DISTANCE.” Rachel clapped.

“Oh no you’re right there is no denying it. You see Rachel unlike my soon to be ex wife over here I never cheated not once. I never looked at another woman, but she kept bashing me and kept hammering on and on about Natasha and myself that I finally saw the light that night. So many people said I made the biggest mistake by marrying you.” You said towards a crying Quinn.

“My parents, Mike, Finn, Sersi, and now Natasha…. And then all your lies started coming out of the woodwork. Accusing me of having an affair with Sersi when really you were probably having this affair with the hobbit from the Shire.”

Quinn sniffled, shaking her head as Rachel scoffed.

“Telling me you were pregnant but really you had your tubes tied after you had Finley just so I couldn’t work with Stark Industries. But what really takes the cake is you stealing my chance at MIT… I will NEVER forgive you for that. You’re a liar Quinn Fabray. There’s no telling what lows you will stoop too. What else have you done behind my back huh? What did you poke a hole in the condom to have Beth?”

“No!” She cried.

“Dammmmn.” Artie gasped.

“She probably did.” Sam mumbled.

“You’re gonna sign those papers. You’re gonna let me have 50/50 custody of our girls. You’re gonna let me take whatever is mine in that house including my dog Ollie. You can keep the house I’m moving in with Natasha.”

“I fucking knew it!” She cried.

“No you didn’t but you did push me in her arms.” You chuckled.

“Literally.” Santana nodded.

“Honestly Q, I warned you this would happen.” Brittany shrugged.

“Fine we’ll go to court and I’ll just prove that you and Natasha had a thing.” Quinn’s eyes hardened as her jaw locked in place. “I’ll get that little Russian bitch deported.”

“Wow!” Kurt gasped. 

You chuckled darkly, stepping forward. “Oh Quinn, she has a green card that won’t happen. You’re gonna sign whatever the fuck I want you to sign, but hey if you wanna play it that way we can go to court.” You nod before losing your smile.

“Just know I’m taking the Fabray fortune with me, and your cunt of a mother can live the rest of her miserable days with you. If you wanna take that risk be my guest. Honestly I actually kind of want to go to court just so I can take your family’s money and that old mansion. I think I’ll knock it down and put up a Taco Bell. But don’t worry I’ll take care of Franny.” You wink.

“You fucking asshole!” Quinn tried to slap you but you managed to dodge the hit and Artie managed to get it on video right before you moved. Sam grabbed her and moved her across the room.

“That was fucking diabolical.” Santana smirked. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Dude.” Mike covered his mouth smiling. “That was amazing.”

“Y/N, I just sent you this video, you should show the court this as well.” Artie grinned.

“Thank you.” You shook his hand.

“Anytime. I live for this shit.” Artie cackled.

“Okay, she is starting to smoke from my pen so she’s good now.” Sam nodded.

A few moments later Rachel walked up it almost felt like high school again sitting in the bleachers with her front and center.

“Okay, so the air is cleared somewhat… can we now make this about Finn?” Rachel asked, looking at the framed photo in front of her.

“Definitely.” You said smugly.

“Quinn?” Rachel called out softly.

“Yes.” She said rubbing her temple.

“Guys?”

“Uhhuh, yup, yes!” Everyone answered.

“I also brought us some whiskey.” You announced holding up a flask.

“Y/N, this is a school.” Rachel huffed.

“Rachel it’s for Finn.” Quinn sighed.

You handed her the flask and she took it.

“Great… maybe let’s share some of our favorite moments with Finn? I’ll start us off…. I remember our last moments were at the train station when he sent me on my way to New York. I remember being really sad that I didn’t get to send him off. He told me he loved me but that he wasn’t going to write me.” Rachel began to cry. “Not because he didn’t want to but because this was goodbye he didn’t want to me to bring an anchor to New York.”

You furrowed your brows remembering Quinn saying those words when she mentioned them together back in high school. 

“He kissed me and then he let me go. That was the last time I ever saw him.” Rachel sniffled. “It’s weird I know I’ve always had these feeling deep down for Quinn but Finn always held my heart. I’ll always love you Finn.” Rachel cried before taking a swig. The Broadway singer sat next to Quinn who rubbed her back.

“I guess I’ll go next, Y/N, you might wanna join me since you were there.” Mike chuckled, standing up holding the flask. “One of my favorite moments was the night before he left for the Marines.”

“It was just us three like old times.” You chuckled, nodding.

“Finn wanted to do everything we used to do when we were kids.” Mike sniffled. “We played video games and gorged ourselves on pizza rolls.”

“Then we went to the football field and got hammered.” You snickered.

“We tried to sneak into a strip club.” Mike laughed, causing you to laugh along with the club. “At first we couldn’t get in but Y/N-“ Mike chuckled. “Y/N told the truth to the bouncer that Finn was a dumbass who had enlisted, and that it could be the last time he would see a good piece of ass for the next 4 years.”

“We got in for like an hour.” You chuckled.

“Then Finn cried and told us how much he loved us.” The dancer had tears in his eyes.

“How much Glee meant to him.” You added trying not to cry.

“And how if he could do it all again he would.” Mike said sadly.

“We cried and then we busted his balls for making us cry.” You chuckled.

“We told him we’d write and FaceTime.” Mike continued.

“Told him I’d name my next kid after him.” You chuckled, making Quinn smile.

“We went back to his moms house, ate more pizza rolls, and passed out in his room in the same spots we used to sleep in as kids.” Mike smiled before taking a shot of the whiskey.

“Here’s to you Finn.” You say softly taking a shot.

“We love you man.” You and Mike said together before pulling one another in a hug silently crying. It was in your embrace that you both felt his presence. Almost as if he was holding you both in a bear hug. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room when you turned around.

“Fuck you guys that was sad.” Artie wiped his tears as he took the flask. “As you all know I was bullied relentlessly in the beginning before Glee. There was one day Puck was going to throw me down the stairs to be honest I was terrified. Finn caught him before it happened and took me to class. Y/N, I’m pretty sure you were the one that shoved Puck down stairs that day.” Artie snickered. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was in math class that day.” You grinned as everyone chuckled.

“I got messed with but Finn and of course Y/N and Mike always managed to save me. Thanks guys.”

Kurt walked down taking the flask.

“Um, so Finn was one of my biggest crushes in high school besides my husband of course.” He chuckled. “He made it very clear that we would only ever be friends at the most brothers. After seeing his wardrobe, and the way he danced. those feelings quickly faded.” He laughed.

“He was a great step brother though. Always took up for me and supported me when I decided to leave our school and then when I decided to come back. It was hard losing him. It still is after all this time. We miss you Finn but don’t worry I’ve got mom and dad taken care of.” Kurt took a swig and made a face before taking his seat.

Soon everyone said they’re kind words.

“Should we move to a karaoke bar? My dads said we can use theirs in the basement.” Rachel announced.

“I’d like say something first if that’s okay.” Quinn said softly you handed the nearly empty flask.

“Finn and I didn’t always get along. He never thought I was good enough for Y/N and he was right.” 

You looked up.

“Finn, I’m sorry for all the times I tore you down and called you dumb. I’m sorry for telling you that you weren’t good enough for Rachel.”

The brunette looked up in surprise.

“But most of all I’m sorry for how I treated your best friend. I hope you can forgive one day.” With that Quinn downed the rest of the flask.

“That was beautifully said Quinn.” Rachel spoke up as the blonde handed you the flask.

“So Rachel, your parents still have that full bar?” Tina grinned.

⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗

Drinks were going, songs were played, laughs were heard around the room.

Rachel downed a shot of liquid courage before walking over towards you. You looked up after making a drink.

“I just wanted to apologize to you for my part… I- I don’t know what the fuck came over me. I don’t what I was thinking. I don’t what made me think that trying to steal Quinn and getting Natasha to help me was a good idea. But I am sorry Y/N. I really am.” Rachel quickly wiped away a stray tear. “I know you’ve never liked me, I know you think I’m fake, but I’m being real with you right now. Because I know Finn would have been ashamed of me and my actions. It would have broke his heart. Me having feelings for Quinn I don’t think he would have really thought much of it but me hurting you I think he would have hated me for that. So I hope one day you can forgive me. Maybe we can be friends one day?”

“Maybe.” You nod.

“That’s all I can hope for.” She squeezes your hand and walks away.

“Was that an apology I heard?” Kurt asked, walking over with Mike.

“It was.” You raised your brow.

“Woooow.” Kurt nodded.

“Sup Fabgay.” Santana said, leaning by Quinn.

“Santana.” Quinn sighed.

“Was that a real apology you made earlier to Finn or just something to put on a show before court?”

“It was real.” She sighed.

“So then you’re going to sign?” Santana hounded her.

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” Quinn groaned, before grabbing her drink.

“Are you even in love with Y/N? Like gotta have sex with them constantly, wanna have another baby, want to grow old with them?”

Quinn watched you as you laughed at something Kurt said.

“Because I can tell you right now Y/N does not feel that way about you.”

“I get it Santana, Y/N is fucking our neighbor.”

“I never said that.” The brunette snickered.

“Q, after everything you put Y/N through, don't you want them to be happy? Even if it’s with Natasha?” Brittany asked.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Quinn stood up going to the restroom with her old cheerio teammates in tow.

Meanwhile on the other side of the room.

“So Y/N tell us about Natasha.” Mercedes smiled coyly.

“She’s absolutely amazing.” Kurt began.

“Uh I said Y/N!” Mercedes huffed.

“Well he isn’t wrong.” You chuckled. “She’s the sweetest most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I think I’m taking her somewhere special when all this is said and done.” You say.

“Ooooh take her somewhere secluded and snuggle by the fire.” Tina said whimsically.

“I think I just might! My boss did say I could borrow his cabin upstate.”

“Noooo take her somewhere tropical and luxurious.” Mercedes laughed.

“Seeing her in a bikini does sound nice.” You smirked.

Your friends laughed.

⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗ ⧗

“Alright guys I think I’m gonna head out.” You say standing up.

“Wait nooooo! Nooo!” Mike slurred.

“Yeah.” You chuckled.

“No wait Y/L/N play us one song just one! Berry you’ve got a guitar right?!” Santana asked.

“Yes!” Rachel ran into the closet grabbing a guitar before handing it to you. “It’s old, never really used it. It was in my early Taylor era hence the pink.” She giggled.

“Okay just one and I think you guys might remember this from grad night if so; sing along.” You say taking a seat on the stool. You start to tune the guitar and begin to strum lightly.

“Passed out on the overpass 

Sunday best and broken glass 

Broken down from the bikes 

And bars Suspended like spirits 

Over speeding cars 

You and me were kings over the 

Parkway tonight”

Tina took her lighter out waving her hand.

“And tonight will go on forever

While we walk around this town

Like we own the streets

And stay awake through summer 

Like we own the heat 

Singing "everybody wake up”

(wake Up!)

“it's time to get down” 

(everybody, everybody wake up It's time to get down!)”

Everyone was swaying together as they sang.

“And when I pass the bottle back

To Finn on the overpass tonight, 

I bet we laugh” 

“To Finn!” Everyone cheered, taking another shot as you strummed.

“I'm gonna stay eighteen forever 

(cut me open) 

So we can stay like this forever 

(sun poisoned) 

And we'll never miss a party 

(this offer stands forever) 

'Cause we keep them going constantly 

And we'll never have to listen 

To anyone about anything 

(new bracelet) 

'Cause it's all been done and 

It's all been said 

(eyeliner) 

We're the coolest kids and we 

Take what we can get”

Santana cried as she remembered the good old days and how far she and Brittany have come. She’s not young anymore, none of them are.

“The hell out of this town 

Find some conversation 

The low fuel lights been on for days 

It doesn't mean anything 

I've got another 500 nother 500 miles 

Before we shut this engine down, 

We shut it down”

“I'm gonna stay eighteen forever 

(cut me open) 

So we can stay like this forever 

(sun poisoned) 

And we'll never miss a party 

(this offer stands forever) 

'Cause we keep them going constantly 

And we'll never have to listen 

To anyone about anything 

(new bracelet) 

'Cause it's all been done 

And it's all been said 

(eyeliner) 

We're the coolest kids and 

We take what we can get 

(wait forever) 

(you're just jealous cause 

I'm young and in love)”

“Eighteen forever 

(your stomachs filled up but 

You're starved for conversation!) 

So we can stay like this forever 

(you're spending all your nights 

Growing old in your bed) 

And we'll never miss a party 

(and your tearin up your photos 

'Cause you want to forget... it's over!!) 

'Cause we keep them going constantly”

“(you're just jealous cause 

I'm young and in love!) 

And we'll never have to listen 

(your stomachs filled up but 

You're starved for conversation!) 

To anyone about anything cause 

It's all been done 

(you're spending all your nights 

Growing old in your bed!) 

And it's all been said 

(and your tearin' up your photos 

'Cause you want to forget... it's over!) 

We're the coolest kids and we take 

What we can get”

“You’re just jealous cause we're 

Young and in love!

You're just jealous cause 

We're young and in love!

You're just jealous cause 

We're young and in love!

You're just jealous cause 

We're young and in love!

You're just jealous cause 

We're young and in love!”

All of you came together in a hug already planning on the next get together.

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“Hello?” Natasha answered sleepily.

“Hi I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Don’t be, I was hoping you would call.”

“How have you been? How was Thanksgiving?”

“I’m ok and it was alright. Of course it would have been better with you.” She says softly.

“Same here.” You say softly.

“Yelena and Kate made me binge watch Parks and Rec.”

“It’s pretty great right?”

“It definitely made me laugh.”

“Who was your favorite character?”

“Ron Swanson of course.”

“The scene where he pulls out his tooth just gets me every time.”

She laughs and it sounds so heavenly you can feel your heart skip a beat. “Or the time he broke the coffee pot and started a war in the office?”

You both chuckled.

“How was Finn’s memorial?”

“It was eventful.” You chuckled.

“I got to see some of the stories.” Natasha snickered.

“Oh no.” You looked down at your phone seeing the tags.

“The story you and Mike shared about Finn was sweet. I definitely cried. Plus I got to hear you sing, which is one of my favorite things.”

“You’re making me blush.” You grin.

“The pink guitar is cute.” She snickered.

“It’s not mine, it's Rachel’s.” You huffed.

“A likely story.”

You laughed.

“I miss you Y/N.” She gulped, trying not to cry.

“I miss you. I may not be home for a few more days. I have some loose ends to tie up, but I promise you I’ll be there in time for your birthday.”

“Okay.” She whispered, wondering if she should hold her breath.

“I mean it Nat. I’m going to make it happen.”

She pulled your hoodie closer.

“Will you sing to me?”

“Close your eyes and I'll kiss you

Tomorrow I'll miss you

Remember I'll always be true

And then while I'm away

I'll write home every day

And I'll send all my loving to you.”

“Keep going.” She whispered.

“I'll pretend that I'm kissing

The lips I am missing

And hope that my dreams will come true

And then while I'm away

I'll write home every day

And I'll send all my loving to you.”

“All my loving.” She smiled.

“I will send to you

All my loving, darling I'll be true

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you

Tomorrow I'll miss you

Remember I'll always be true

And then while I'm away

I'll write home every day

And I'll send all my loving to you

All my loving I will send to you

All my loving, darling I'll be true

All my loving, all my loving ooh

All my loving I will send to you”

“What do you think?” You asked.

“I loved it baby.” 

“Papa?” She heard Fin call for you.

“What’s wrong bubs? What are you doing up?” You lift her up.

“Popo snores too loud.” She grunts burying her face in your neck. You chuckled and so did Natasha. 

“I’ll let you go take her back to bed. I’ll see you soon.” She whispers.

“Before you do, just know that I absolutely adore you and I swear I’m gonna make this birthday the best yet.” You say before ending the call. “Come on pipsqueak let’s go to bed.”

“Where’s mama?” Fin asks sleepily.

“She’s with her mama.” You sighed.

“Ohh.” She yawned.

You lay down and Fin cuddled into your side. “I love you papa.”

“I love you too Finny. To the moon and back.”

Don’t forget to like comment and reblog 😘

[fandomnerd9602]

all that matters

a Lost/Found story

Wanda Maximoff x Stark!Reader

You had a rough 48 hours. You lost the love of your life, Wanda Maximoff, at the hands of Kang, got pruned by the TVA, woke up in a lost place between space and time called the Void, found a resistance in said Void, got reunited with your little witch, and now you find yourselves in the presence of one Wade Wilson and James ‘Logan’ Howlett - the eponymous Deadpool and Wolverine.

And sadly the Merc with the Mouth wouldn’t shut up. You found yourself sitting in the makeshift resistance base with Wanda sitting snuggly in your lap. The moment would be great if only Wade would stop talking.

“I’m saying it would be great! Huge slow mo fights! Who cares if you live or die!” He tried to pitch it to the rest of the team.

“You want us to go back there and kick Cassandra Nova’s ass?” Johnny Storm asked with a chuckle.

“It’s suicide,” Blade spoke up.

“Aintnowaythatwomangonnagodowneasy” Gambit chimed in.

You looked to Wanda, she looked to you. “We’re in” you state.

“Really?” Wade asked with a shocked expression

“Yes” Wanda states while caressing your face. “We’re Avengers, we keep fighting no matter what”

“I do what she does just a little bit slower” you admit with a smirk. “My armor is just the boots and gauntlets but they work”

“An ending” Elektra says.

“Legacy” Blade responds with a smile.

“I was born ready” Gambit states as he flips a card of his.

“Let’s f—king go” Laura smirks

“Let’s f—king go!!” Wade exclaims.

The night came fast. The entire resistance was readying themselves. Gambit was readying his bo staff and deck of cards. Elektra grabbed her sai blades. Blade readied himself with his entire armory. Johnny was looking over a photo of his old team - the Fantastic Four. Wade was, well being Wade. Logan was lost in a drunken stupor out by a campfire. Laura went out to go talk with him.

And that brings it to you and Wanda. You found a wrecked 70s era Sentinel out behind the resistance base, a few modifications and it would be ready for combat. Wanda was in deep meditation, trying to focus her powers. But she couldn’t focus. Her mind was on you.

Wanda crept into the makeshift lab you made.

“You know I can sense you right?” you say with a smirk.

“you cannot” she chuckles.

“I know. I just wanted to see if you’d fall for it” you finished up on the broken Sentinel. “I never thought I’d see you again, Wanda”

“I never thought I’d see you” she says, tears forming in her eyes. “Losing you to Kang was the worst feeling in the entire multiverse. H-How do I know you’re my (Y/N)? Really mine.”

You set down your tools and walk towards her, you pull her to you by her hips, just like how she always liked it. She gasps. With your other hand, you caress her face, your thumb moving across her cheek. She hummed in delight.

“I love you in every universe” you whisper in her ear, “but I bet not every Wanda would react that way”

“And not every (Y/N) would know what makes me feel the way you do” she responds with a teary smile.

“I lost you once. Never again, my little witch”

“My detka!” Wanda cries before hugging you tight. You were hers.

You just hug her tight, not wanting to let go. You could spend an eternity in her arms and it still wouldn’t be enough.

“Will you just hold me tonight?” She asks softly.

“Of course”

You guide her to a little military cot and lay down. Wanda just nuzzles into your arms, a perfect fit.

Tomorrow has its own worries and battles. Tomorrow you and Wanda would be battling Cassandra Nova. Tomorrow you would be finding out if you and your witch would get home or not.

But that didn’t matter. All that mattered was tonight. For tonight, you had Wanda back in your arms. You had your Scarlet Witch back.

Tags @lifespectator @supercorpdanbeau @deafeningsharkslimeempath @scarletquake-n7 @ma1egamer @russianredassassin @family-house-of-m

[alibasnur]

My Friend's Widow

Pair: Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Words: 700-ish

Warning: Written in Sebastian's POV, angst, mention of sexual act, major character's death

Author's note: This has been sitting in my draft and i impulsively decided to post it before going to bed

“Today, I brought in some flowers for my friend’s widow. I cut them a little messier, just like how her blind husband used to do when he was alive. 

It was always both of them in that little house as the couple had no child. I remember how she used to tell me that she wanted several of them. But her husband despised the idea of having any at all. She must have loved him so much that she had a change of heart.

 

I wished she had given me the same mercy back then. She used to be my betrothed before she was my friend’s wife. I loved her and I treasured her in the best way that a foolish boy could do. I made a grave mistake of falling back into a deed that I had promised her not to step in, which also caused me and my friend to have a falling out.

Two years after that, I received the news about their marriage. I had never seen a bride so beautiful that it hurt me. A precious, blushing bride laughing in his husband’s arm. So beautiful, but she wasn’t mine.

It grew unbearable to simply look her in the eyes. I didn't stay much longer, just a simple congratulations and then I set off.

But I was glad. My heart sank so much that I didn’t have the strength to pick up a wand and set that wedding arch on fire. At least I didn’t make that mistake anymore. 

I knew what I’m capable of in my worst temper. But that time, I didn’t want to be the reason for her to cry. I wanted to be good for her. No matter how much I’m aching and suffering for it. 

I could be Merlin had she asked for it. But no, she wanted him instead.

I got struck by a high fever and in my sleep, I called for her name. A few days later, I picked myself up, forced myself some stale pieces of bread and water and I didn’t know why and what for.

Sometimes, It still terrified me to see her in the finest witches I came across. It was a bitter reminder that somehow I still belonged to her. She could live a life without me and I would be the one trying to numb myself from the hurtful thought of what things could’ve been.

At one point, a few years later, I could open the drawer and see the ring that she had so coldly returned with only a little sentiment. I thought that I had made up my mind. I thought that I could listen to someone speak of her, and feel no sting.

But as soon as the news of my friend’s passing was at my door, I came as quickly as a gust of wind. I found her, looking at me behind her mourning veil. Her arms reached out to me, and as I held her, I could feel every single wall I had built shatter. She said that she needed me to stay. So I stayed. 

She would call for me on her loneliest nights, I warmed her bed when it felt cold and empty, and I’ll do it gladly. After years of suffocating, I got to breathe her in. At this point, I would take anything. Her lips, her loving gaze, her skin that I could caress, even though she would call for her late husband’s name as I drove her to the peak. It felt like a stab through the chest, but I said nothing. The heartache that she inflicted on me felt as if it redeemed me, that maybe, i would be deserving of her again.

I would wait so patiently, until she comes to love me again. If not soon, then the year after. I would try to read the look on her face, behind that black, sheer lace of a veil, searching for a sign, waiting for it in every word that ever came out of her lips.

So I counted days of the year, but as my heart started to grow weary, today, she put her mourning dress back into the wardrobe, and she stared at me so lovingly that I couldn’t be mistaken.”

[amostimprobabledream]

The Captains Play Stardew Valley!

I have Stardew on the brain. These are very silly.

Shunsui Kyoraku:

He never knows where the fuck his animals are because he "doesn't believe" in fencing them in. He also forgets to water his crops so he struggles in the first year because he's always broke af - not an experience he has in his real life.

He loves the whimsy of the game, especially when it comes to finding little secrets like Secret Woods or getting to Ginger Island. He reacts like a five-year-old being presented candy, it's the cutest thing. Also, he's in Stardrop Saloon almost as much as Shane is.

He never does the same thing per day, he'll have a wander down to the bottom of the map one day, mosey into town the next, explore the beach another…he's one of those people who takes "comfy game" at face value and plays in a way that's so leisurely that it's actually quite frustrating to watch. The urge to backseat game is often very hard to resist.

Favourite villager: All the women. All of them. From Jas to Evelyn, he loves every lady. Even the witch, he thinks he could fix her. He desperately wants Marnie to dump Lewis and find a man who appreciates her and feels bad for Sandy stuck by herself in Calico Desert.

Soi Fong:

Naturally, she got a cat when given the option and listening to it meow at her fills her heart with glee, but she pretends she doesn't care. She becomes offended if any of her animals give her eggs/milk/etc that aren't gold star or higher.

She absolutely hates Lewis for his terrible management and keeps asking why you can't vote to remove him as Mayor when he's so blatantly incompetent. A mystery for us all. She's also absolutely flabbergasted that Lewis is dating Marnie on the sly. She also dislikes Pierre for claiming her produce as his own.

She likes fighting monsters, when she managed to get to the desert she was thrilled at there being tougher monsters in there - she changed her tune pretty quickly when she got ganged up on by three serpents and lost some valuable treasure. She pouted about that all evening.

Favourite villager: Abigail - her tomboy attitude reminds her of someone…

Rose Otoribayashi:

Rose thinks the game is adorable at first but he quickly starts learning some of the lore and is surprised by how dark this seemingly cutesy farming simulator can get at times.

He absolutely loves the music in the games and has even tried writing songs with them as inspiration. Sometimes he just plays the game soley to wander about and vibe with whatever music is playing in the background.

He enjoys combing the beach and the tide pools or pulling up flowers and giving them to villagers. He does finish the mines but he doesn't visit them unless he has to because of a quest, he finds them gloomy and not fun to look at.

Favourite villager: This is an easy one, he's SUCH an Elliot stan. He calls him his "digital twin".

Unohana Retsu:

She completes the mines and skull cavern with ease. She can't intimidate the characters in the game with her avatar so she gets to back it up with her sword instead. Seeing the joy on her face at cutting down enemy after enemy makes you wonder if you gave her the right game.

That said, she also enjoys the cosier aspect of it - tending to her crops and animals comes quite easy to her and she's never bored by it. When confronted with cutscenes for the games she tends to be firm but fair in her advice.

She rarely faints but she likes checking in at the hospital because it reminds her of Fourth Division, so she has a lot of friendship points with Harvey and Maru especially.

Favourite villager: Harvey but also Marlon. Duality queen.

Shinji Hirako:

He has the WORST fucking luck in the mines - when he sets up bombs they explode in his face, he can never find enemies when there's a quest to do them, etc. Yet then every so often his crops will get visited by a fairy and suddenly be fully mature just when he needs them to, or he'll catch a rare fish by mistake.

He pretends to be disinterested, but he's a liar. Shinji LOVES, and I mean LOVES the tea about the villagers - when Caroline mentions she used to like to take walks by the Wizard's Tower he nearly spat out his coffee. And he actually shrieked when he found Marnie and Lewis in the bushes together - you ran into the room because you thought the idiot had stubbed his toe or something. He ships the villagers together unless he's the one courting them.

He cracks you up during the cutscenes because he says the most hilarious things in response to the villager's antics with a straight face. He goes for Lewis' jugular EVERY TIME.

Favourite villager: He likes most of them, but he has a thing for Haley - she was rude to him when he first talked to her and he developed a bit of a crush.

Byakuya Kuchiki:

It took a LONG time to persuade Mr. Uppitypants to play, but once he does he's DETERMINED to stick to a firm schedule. Too bad that's not quite how it works - he's terrible at the fishing game and it takes him forever to get the correct ones for the community centre. He buys them from the merchant whenever possible.

Spring is his favourite season because of the cherry trees. He waters his crops and checks on the animals diligently, every day, and with a complete straight face. He doesn't like being poor so his Farmer starts making bank QUICKLY.

Gets SUPER competitive during seasonal events, especially the Flower Dance. He's still salty about Abigail beating him in the Egg Race in the first year and has lowkey disliked her since then.

Favourite villager: Penny, he likes her genteel, shy nature. Reminds him a tiny bit of his wife.

Komamura Sajin:

Oh my god, he absolutely LOVES this game. Looking after animals is his absolute jam and he quickly turns his farm very profitable. He's just disappointed you can't take your dog on walks with you in the village and thinks all of them should appreciate its cuteness.

He dislikes the fishing game, not because he's bad at it but he doesn't like removing them from their home just to lounge about in your backpack, but Sajin is also duty-bound to restore that damn community centre, so…sacrifices must be made.

Also he's overjoyed when he learns you can speak to animals in the game and always goes to check the forest in case there's a new furry critter to talk to. He also befriends Krobus and the Dwarf very quickly, since he can relate to being different to everyone around him.

Favourite villager: Linus, he appreciates a guy who is in-tune with nature and just wants to live peacefully among the animals. He also is indignant when people judge the Farmer for digging through the trash, so you know, kindred spirits.

Lisa Yadomaru:

Lisa has married every bachelor and bachelorette in the game at least once - she has the save files to prove it. She says she likes to explore all the game's options but that's not true, she just wanted to know who has the spiciest lines of dialogue as your spouse.

She hates having to check the animals and crops every day so she uses sprinklers to maximum efficiency and getting the automatic feeder is a godsend. She does still like to pet them and see the cute little heart icons, though. Lisa isn't immune to cute pixellated animals.

She finds the mines kind of boring but her insatiable curiosity compels her to get to the bottom anyway, and she loves finding new clothing items to dress her character in - every time she loads the game her Farmer has some kind of new fit on.

Favourite villager: She was very upset when you told her you can't marry Sandy - Lisa calls her "desert wife". She's also fond of Maru, who reminds her slightly of Nanao.

Kensei Muguruma:

Kensei gets a horse ridiculously early on because the slow walking pace of the Farmer drives him insane, especially when he passes out just before he reaches his farm, so he goes out of his way to get a stable as soon as possible. The horse stays his favourite animal throughout the game because it goes home by itself.

The fishing game nearly made him fling the controller out of the window - especially when he had to get an octopus. You were seriously concerned he was going to straight-up snap your game in half.

He tunes into Queen of Sauce EVERY time, even when it's a re-run "just in case I missed it". He has actually tried to cook some of the recipes in the game and some of them were actually quite tasty! (He declined to attempt the Strange Bun, though.)

Favourite villager: Robin, he likes building new stuff on the farm and he finds Sebastian's cynicism refreshing in a game with mostly upbeat characters. He constantly grumbles how Demetrius isn't good enough for them.

Hitsugaya Toshiro:

He protested when you first got him to play - he's not a kid! But eventually he gave in to shut you up and soon enough he found himself drawn in, especially at the notion of it being passed down from his grandfather.

He likes unlocking things as he goes through the community centre and gets this satisfied little smirk every time he completes a bundle, even if it's an easy one. He's actually a little disappointed when he finally finishes it and doesn't have much reason to go anymore.

Hitsugaya tries to do everything so "you can't accuse him of not playing right", but he gets so salty if he has a bad time in the mine or spends ages fishing and doesn't get the right thing - then he yells at you for teasing him when he pouts. Favourite villager: Surprisingly, he's fond of Sam, he appreciates how hard he tries to stay upbeat and look after his little brother, it reminds him of when he was a kid and protecting Hinamori.

Zaraki Kenpachi:

He spends almost all of his time in the mines - as soon as he learns you can fight monsters in the game that's all he does. He's passed out in there MULTIPLE times, to the point where he was too broke to collapse anymore. Luckily he also made money quickly because he found a lot of gemstones down there.

Can never remember any of the character's names so he gives them nicknames - Evelyn and George are "the old people", Harvey is "Glasses", Haley and Sam are both "Blondie", etc.

He gets very aggravated when anybody he wants to sell to isn't there, especially when it's Clint, who he doesn't like and swears at a lot. Funnily enough he doesn't curse Marnie out the same way, even if he really wants a cow and she's too busy staring at her microwave.

Favourite villager: Marlon, he likes a man who knows his way around dangerous weapons. But unsurprisingly…he also has a soft spot for Jas.

Mayuri Kurotsuchi:

Another person it took ages to convince, but he finds it intruiging despite the simplicity of it. Mayuri isn't really interested in the villagers and instead immediately dives into all the supernatural/weird shit - he visits the Wizard's Tower every day and ends up getting the Sewers pretty early too.

He's a completionist at heart so he gets very determined about filling up the community centre quickly and gets pissy when you point out unless the merchant has a red cabbage he's unlikely to get it done by the first year.

Rarely does to any of the seasonal festivities, but he does always go to Spirit's Eve - he likes the aesthetic.

Favourite villager: He finds Krobus the most interesting and would probably invite him to live on the farm if forced to pick a spouse, but for human characters it's the Wizard.

Ukitake Juushiro:

Mr. Conflict Averse King hates it when he walks in on a cutscene that requires him to pick a side, he hates upsetting any of the villagers. He reaches ten hearts with people because he unfailingly responds in a way that will max out their affections.

He befriends Linus SO quickly because he feels bad for him. He also wishes he could help with all the problems and disapproves of the bad parenting present in the game, especially Pam and Demetrius. Shane's cutscenes involving his alcoholism made him so sad as well.

It takes him forever to get through the mines, the button mashing is hard for him and the frantic pace of Skull Cavern and the desert is enough to give the man heart palpitations.

Favourite villager: Vincent and Jas, obviously. He's got such a soft spot for little kids and his heart breaks at Jas' backstory.

[calliesmemes]

POPULAR TROPES AND CLICHÉ QUOTES

Assorted ASKBOX PROMPTS reminiscent of beloved TROPES seen in literature, on screen, and on stage.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed

SPECIFY muse for multimuses

❛ So you’re the girl that I’ve heard so much about. ❜

❛ I’ve heard so much about you. ❜

❛ I could corrupt you. It would be easy. ❜

❛ Not every puzzle is yours to solve. ❜

❛ The truth is stranger than my worst dreams. ❜

❛ You will become everything you hate. ❜

❛ Wait. Did you hear something? ❜

❛ I have a feeling this has something to do with you. ❜

❛ This isn’t a dream, then. ❜

❛ All will be well. I am sure of it. ❜

❛ We’re in this together. ❜

❛ You were born to make history. ❜

❛ We make a really good team. ❜

❛ What I did, I did for us. ❜

❛ You’re not safe here. ❜

❛ I’m the happiest I’ve ever been because of you. ❜

❛ You’re my fate. Always my fate. ❜

❛ There’s a storm coming. ❜

❛ We’re not so different, you and I. ❜

❛ Hello? Is anybody here? ❜

❛ You don’t even know my real name. ❜

❛ To the ends of the earth, would you follow me? ❜

❛ Who are you, little girl? ❜

❛ I like you more than I planned. ❜

❛ I wish I could protect you from everything. ❜

❛ I shouldn’t be jealous; you aren’t even mine. ❜

❛ You won’t leave me, will you? ❜

❛ You know you should not have survived that, right? ❜

❛ Whatever you do, you’ll always be my brother. ❜

❛ The light … it’s calling to you. Just let it in. ❜

❛ If it means something to you, fight for it. ❜

❛ Can you remember who you were before? ❜

❛ The reports of my death were greatly exaggerated. ❜

❛ Never again will I let someone in. ❜

❛ I see something in you that I can’t explain. ❜

❛ There are traditions and expectations that you must uphold. ❜

❛ I won’t risk our enemies getting their hands on you. ❜

❛ A knife? Are you flirting with me? ❜

❛ Let me be your protector. ❜

❛ I am more than just a copy of you. ❜

❛ Everything’s about to change. ❜

❛ I don’t want to hurt you. ❜

❛ You have no idea who I am, do you? ❜

❛ You’ll never get away with this! ❜

❛ I’m not who I was before. ❜

❛ We’re gonna be legends someday. ❜

❛ Straighten up, little soldier. ❜

❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜

❛ I did this all for you. ❜

❛ If you wish to see strange things, then I have the power to show them to you. ❜

❛ What’s it like to be a prophet? ❜

❛ You are not your father. ❜

❛ Are you flirting, or starting a fight? ❜

❛ I’m not the person that my parents wanted me to be. ❜

❛ I need to be touched. ❜

❛ This is where you belong. ❜

❛ I want a life full of incredible adventures. ❜

❛ Let’s cause a little trouble. ❜

❛ Relax; it’s just magic. ❜

❛ I want to go home. ❜

❛ My heart belongs to you. ❜

❛ We are connected in a way that I can’t explain. ❜

❛ I am just as strange as you. ❜

❛ Feel like making a deal with the devil? ❜

❛ You were dead. Yet here you are. ❜

❛ I have loved you since we were children. ❜

❛ I will always find you. I promise. ❜

❛ I know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind. ❜

❛ It’s you. It’s always been you. ❜

❛ You should be terrified of me. ❜

❛ I always get what I want. ❜

❛ Why are you the way you are? ❜

❛ You and I are so alike. ❜

❛ I could tear you apart if I wanted. ❜

❛ We make a really good team. ❜

❛ I will always be proud of you, my love. ❜

❛ Aren’t you a deadly little thing? ❜

❛ You were born to lead. ❜

❛ I have existed a long, long time. ❜

❛ Give me one good reason why I should wear this dress. ❜

❛ None of your scars can make me love you less. ❜

❛ Your friendship means the world to me. ❜

❛ Without you, I don’t exist. ❜

❛ For you, I’d leave it all behind. ❜

❛ You say witch like it’s a bad thing. ❜

❛ Maybe we can fix each other. ❜

❛ I’m afraid of what I’ve become. ❜

❛ Get the hell out of my head. ❜

❛ Do not tell me what I can and cannot do. ❜

❛ I do not need to be saved. ❜

❛ I want answers, goddamnit! ❜

❛ I don’t need a name. ❜

❛ Your existence gives me a headache. ❜

❛ Is there anything I can do for you? ❜

❛ This isn’t going to be like last time. ❜

❛ You took everything from me. ❜

❛ I just want to live my own life. ❜

❛ I have nowhere else to go. ❜

❛ You’re my best friend. I can’t lose you. ❜

❛ The most dangerous thing is to love. ❜

❛ I’m doing this for my family. ❜

❛ You have information that we need. Valuable information. ❜

❛ I lost everyone; I can’t lose you too! ❜

❛ You cannot destroy me. ❜

❛ It is my duty to protect you. ❜

❛ It’s only illegal if we get caught. ❜

❛ I have a weakness for you. ❜

❛ I will follow you into the dark. ❜

❛ Maybe I’m not the person everyone thinks I am. ❜

❛ Pretty armour doesn’t make a warrior. ❜

❛ We could get arrested for this. ❜

❛ You’re too good for this world. ❜

❛ I’ve been waiting a long time for you. ❜

❛ You must be mad, coming here like this. ❜

❛ We’re two halves of a whole idiot. ❜

❛ We were never welcome here. ❜

❛ Where you go, I go. ❜

❛ My brother never came back. ❜

❛ Be on your guard. ❜

❛ The light will always win over darkness. ❜

❛ Blaming is often easier than understanding. ❜

❛ I think that you will change the world some day. ❜

❛ Look at what you’ve done. ❜

❛ Your mind is playing tricks on you. ❜

❛ How can someone so evil be so kind? ❜

❛ You were nothing before you met me. ❜

[queensharotto]

Brittle Doughie’s Cookie Run x Reader Masterlist (Part 9: Autumn 2024)

A masterlist of @brittle-doughie’s Cookie Run stories organized by month.

Genre Emojis

😞 is for angst, 🎃 is for Halloween, 🎄 is for Christmas, 🍪 is for Cannibalism, 💗 is for Yandere, 💝 is for Valentine’s, 👻 is for Horror, 🎂 is for Birthday, 💚 is for Yandere!White Lily Cookie, and 😈 is for Ancient Beast AU (Inspired by Cuppajj’s Beast Ancient AU)

The Indents are related to the featured cookies. If there are numerous cookies (Over 10 Cookies Featured), I’ll make a note on that as well. Additionally, I’ll categorize various cookies if they’re associated with a specific hobby, location, food etc.

Also, the ⭐️ will indicate a story featuring one of Brittle’s OCs while ✨ will indicate someone’s interpretation of Y/N Cookie.

Additionally, many people proved art to showcase to Brittle, which will be indicated by this: 🖌️. I will also mention who provided the art.

September 2024 ����

• “Ambused in Pure Vanilla Cookie’s Quarters”

Featuring: Pomegranate Cookie and Dark Enchantress Cookie

• “You Won’t Leave Paradise? Would You?”

Featuring: Black Sugar Swan Cookie

• “Steamwork Accident”

Featuring: The Time Balance Department

• “Long Time Friend”

Featuring: Cookies of the Hollyberry Kingdom

• “Burning Kiss”

Featuring: Wind Archer Cookie and Shadow Milk Cookie

• “Baby Buttermilk Pie Cookie”

Featuring: The Five Beasts

• “Therapy Needed” ⭐️

Featuring: Dumpling Cookie and Golden Cheese Cookie

• “Compliments”

Featuring: Black Pearl Cookie

• “Obsessive Plants” 💗

Featuring: Herb Cookie, Peach Blossom Cookie and Clover Cookie

• “Pendants”

Featuring: The Elementals, Black Sugar Swan Cookie and Xylitol Nova Cookie

• “War Against the Beasts”

Featuring: Elder Faerie Cookie and the Five Beasts

• “Wisdom”

Featuring: Alchemist Cookie and Candy Drop Cookie

• “Starry Depths”

Featuring: Starlight Mermaids

• “The Tale of the Forced Hand” 😞

Featuring: The Five Beasts and the Witches

• “Mine”

Featuring: Black Sugar Swan Cookie

• “My Biker Girlfriend”

Featuring: Street Urchin Cookie

• “Prank”

Featuring: Elder Faerie Cookie and Xylitol Nova Cookie

• “Her Treasure… Gone…”

Featuring: Golden Cheese Cookie

• “Deal with the Ancients 2 (Preview)”

Featuring: Golden Cheese Cookie and White Lily Cookie

• “Partner and Bodyguard”

Featuring: Financier Cookie

• “Galacta Knight”

Featuring: Dark Enchantress Cookie, Timekeeper Cookie, Longan Dragon Cookie, Lotus Dragon Cookie, Snakefruit Cookie, Gingerbrave and Croissant Cookie

• “Comfort”

Featuring: Whipped Cream Cookie and Black Sugar Swan Cookie

• “Fae Marriage”

Featuring: White Lily Cookie and the Cookies of the Faerie Kingdom

• “Purple Rain Flower”

Featuring: Hydrangea Cookie and Lotus Dragon Cookie

• “Protect like a Parent”

Featuring: Black Swan Cookie, White Lily Cookie, Timekeeper Cookie and Xylitol Nova Cookie

• “After Them!”

Featuring: Burning Spice Cookie and his Army and Golden Cheese Cookie

• “Cherished Watcher”

Featuring: Caramel Arrow Cookie

• “The Coming Spice Storm” ⭐️

Featuring: The Cookies of the Cookie Kingdom, Golden Cheese Cookie, Salsa Cookie, Crowned Cupcake Cookie and Burning Spice Cookie

• “The Beast’s Own Worst Enemy”

Featuring: The Beast Cookies

• “Possessive Beasts”

Featuring: The Five Beasts

• “Watched” 👻

Featuring: Pure Vanilla Cookie and White Lily Cookie’s Sentient Statues

• “The Fallen Ruler”

Featuring: The 5 Beasts

October 2024 🎃

• “In the Eye of the Tiger”

Featuring: Nutmeg Tiger Cookie

• “Watching You”

Featuring: Mystic Flour Cookie, Shadow Milk Cookie and Burning Spice Cookie

• “Battle the Destroyer”

Featuring: Burning Spice Cookie and Golden Cheese Cookie

• “Taken”

Featuring: Burning Spice Cookie and Golden Cheese Cookie

• “Date with the Tiger”

Featuring: Nutmeg Tiger Cookie

• “Trophy”

Featuring: Burning Spice Cookie

• “Baked a Cookie of My Ex-Wife” 🖌️✨

Featuring: The Five Beasts

Art by @/xaytheloser (view their Benign Butter Cookie)

• “Keep an Eye on Them”

Featuring: Burning Spice Cookie’s Followers

• “Marks of the Beasts”

Featuring: The Five Beasts

• “The Fool”

Featuring: Shadow Milk Cookie, Gingerbrave, Pure Vanilla Cookie and White Lily Cookie

• “Princess Cookie is in Another Castle”

Featuring: Princess Cookie and Black Pearl Cookie

• “Recovering from Beast Experiences”

Featuring: Shadow Milk Cookie, Dark Cacao Cookie, Mystic Flour Cookie, Golden Cheese Cookie and Burning Spice Cookie

• “Five Nights with Dragons” 👻

Featuring: The 5 Dragons

• “Old Acquaintances”

Featuring: Onyx Cream Cookie

• “Tribute Day” ⭐️

Featuring: Brittle’s OCs

• “Seeing Double”

Featuring: Y/N Cookie’s Twin Cousin

• “A Beastly Family”

Featuring: The Five Beasts

• “Refuge” 😈

Featuring: Cookies of the Dark Cacao Kingdom

• “Need a Hand?”

Featuring: Jalapeño Cookie

• “Pangolin Protectiveness”

Featuring: Pepper Pangolin Cookie

• “Are They Sick?”

Featuring: The Cookies of Darkness

• “A New Story”

Featuring: Linzer Cookie

• “Disappeared”

Featuring: Croissant Cookie and Timekeeper Cookie

• “Male Partner Contest”

Featuring: The Five Beasts

• “This Could Have Been You”

Featuring: Butter Roll Cookie

• “Be Careful What You Wish For”

Featuring: Elder Faerie Cookie

• “The Fake Me”

Featuring: The Ancient Heroes

• “Too Cute to be Tough”

Featuring: Pepper Pangolin Cookie

• “Pretty Green Snake”

Featuring: Golden Cheese Cookie and Smoked Cheese Cookie

• “How Are They Doing?”

Featuring: Xylitol Nova Cookie and Xylitol Blue Cookie

• “Pucker Up”

Featuring: Pure Vanilla Cookie and Shadow Milk Cookie

• “Cannibal”

Featuring: Numerous Cookies

• “Wayward Soul”

Featuring: Parfaedia Cookies

• “Seed”

Featuring: Millennial Tree Cookie, Pomegranate Cookie, Licorice Cookie, Blue Lily Cookie and Lilybell Cookie

• “Warmth”

Featuring: Caramel Arrow Cookie

• “Timid One”

Featuring: Hollyberry Cookie

• “Baking Time” 🎃

Featuring: Everything Pie Cookie

• “A New Home”

Featuring: Pepper Pangolin Cookie

Divider Source l Next Masterlist l Previous Masterlist

[riverssongs13]

While we're all agonising over waiting for the last 2 episodes, I'd like to take this time to talk about how Lilia Calderu, seer extraordinaire, Queen of Cups, singlehandedly waged war against the harmful stereotypes witches have endured in literature, in history, and in any and all media in general. This endeavour requires a rewatch of all the episodes but I'm just going to eyeball it by what I can remember for now.

In episode 3 Through Many Miles of Tricks and Trials, Mrs. Hart, maiden bless her soul, said "A witch is really just another name for a bad girl, is that right?" Lilia immediately says, "That is extremely reductive. We are not a monolith."

Lilia is the oldest member of the coven (after Death, I guess), and it goes without saying she has lived through and experienced all the horrible things witches were subjected to throughout history. In which, I would like to posit a slight correction: she has lived through all the horrible things POWERFUL WOMEN experienced under the hands of misogyny and patriarchy.

In episode 5, Darkest Hour Wake Thy Power, the coven was being actively chased by the Salem Seven, and needed a quick escape from The Road. Teen, with his precious innocent soul, suggested they fly to escape their pursuers. After getting very negative feedback from the coven, Lilia explains how "brooms have been co-opted by the holiday industrial complex as an absurd emblem of our culture, and an obvious symbol of female domesticity."

Death's Hand In Mine, episode 7, also had Lilia commenting on how "demeaning" it was to be portrayed as wearing the typical witchy trope costumes when they got inside the Tower. Quite tongue-in-cheek as well how Lilia was Glinda the "good witch" while Jen was the Evil Queen in witch disguise.

Going back to episode 3, it was also Lilia who vehemently refused to "climb inside an oven" after completing their first Trial. She added that the same thing happened to a friend, one with a lovely house, and ended up, well, we can recall what happened to the supposed "captor" of Hansel and Gretel.

In episode 4, If I Can't Reach You…, it wasn't so much as Lilia mouthing off another witchy trope, but her inside the recording studio. The powerful image of her looking at the portraits of all the women who were persecuted during the countless witch-hunts throughout history. The abject horror of being thrown into these witch trials by mere suggestions, and these women were oft sentenced to the most horrific deaths even without evidence. Lilia looking at these women being burnt at the stake, boiled alive in a vat of tar, maimed, flayed, and I wonder how many of these scenarios are being played from memory.

Within the same episode Lilia said, "You know the worst part of being a witch? All the misconceptions and rumour mongering." And this basically sums up the experience of witches around the world -- of POWERFUL WOMEN -- present yourself with even a modicum of power, motivation, and ambition, and if that threatens the fragile ego of man, you best believe you'd be persecuted for it. (I find it even a more compelling message after having re-watched Patti's character in Penny Dreadful, burned at the stake for standing up against a man. Great show. Check that one out.)

I'm certain there are more instances I'm unable to recall and include, but right now I'm swimming in anticipation and anxiety over the last 2 episodes, I honestly do not wish to pore over the previous ones with a fine tooth comb. I may do that in the future, but today is not that day.

Which is to say, I love how Lilia has played the part of the wise sage correcting all the wrongs her kind has resolutely endured for countless centuries. I love how women are slowly being given back the power in their own narratives, without the need to insert the story of man for it to be relevant. I love how this show is very unapologetically queer, and about women, and about reclaiming that power taken away from them.

To add cherry on top, I love how Patti LuPone herself said in a recent interview, that the whole show is making it about "what we are initially: we're all witches because we are powerful women; women are powerful. The power has been robbed from them for centuries. BY MEN. Its kind of great to see a show that represents witches as women with power."

We may be lightyears away from an ideal society where women are no longer oppressed and boxed within their own existence at the insistence of men who wish to reduce them into something they could fit within their egos and minds, but it's quite nice to think that this show about a ragtag team of women and a teenage boy is taking a step into the right direction.

Thank you, Lilia Calderu and Patti LuPone, we all say in unison.

[changelingsandothernonsense]

The people need to know where Josh would and wouldn't jerk it

Hello!!! I'm dying for a Josh attitude laugh so without further ado, Joshi's Top Ten Best and Worst places to jork it in Skyrim Province. If this does well then he might write a list about Morrowind and or Cyrodiil. Under a cut for being very NSFT

The Best of the Worst!

10. Best My room at Severin Manor.

Yeah, obvious I know! But you tell me that your house isn't probably the best place to jerk it without worry... I just gotta remember to lock the damn door... or not. Fuck um... Ah...I guess this would also go for my room at the Netch. I do remember to lock that door. I have some standards!

10. Worst The Gray Quarter

Why I don't fucking want to jerk it here? One, it's fucking freezing, which is already a turn-off. Two, it's a fucking slum where the walls are made of paper and everyone in the whole district can hear you. Do you hear that Malthyr?! I can fucking hear you!!! You're not that fucking appealing! I'm soft now! 9. Best The counter top of Sadri's Used Wares

Yes I know it's fucking crass, but who're you talking to? It's fucking funny to look my now wife's ex in the eye after I've done it too an he has no fucking idea! Yeah fuck you too dude, clean-up on isle seven. I am a jealous, petty mer but I am atleast aware of it. 9. Worst Morthal

It's a vampire infected swamp! Who the fuck decided to build a town in a cold, wet marsh!? I want their number, I got words for 'em an I'm not gonna be pleasant. Like I'm minding my business in whatever excuse for an inn they have there an this chick just sits herself on my lap like I was asking for it. Corruption sees corruption you know- she knew what I was an I her. Flaccid for a good few days after that near miss so there was no opportunity to jerk off anyway. You know how fucking hard it is to get clean yourself in water taken from a swamp? Give Morthal a skip unless you're into swamp vampires. 8. Best When in Riften

Sydari drags me to Riften fairly often to check on "business". Said "business" is in a secret hidey hole in the sewer an naturally I'm not allowed down in the super secret hideout. That's fine- it's fine! Anyway I get her house to myself a lot of the time (unless her ex husband has decided to ruin my day). Honeyside has it all, a lake I can swim in, a bath, a workshop I can tinker in... Look I may have chosen specifically to come in Brand-Shei's bathrobe after he broke my nose out of spite an I don't apologise for doing it. Fucking heir to House Telvanni? Bastard wouldn't even qualify to lick the guar shit from Neloth's shoe! Um...what was I talking about? Oh right-

8. Worst The Thieve's Hidey Hole

The cistern smells exactly like you'd think it does. Think about how Riften smells like stagnant canal fish water and stale piss. Now turn that up to ten an you have the fucking Cistern! No I'm not meant to be down there an yes I did follow Sydari down there once when I was bored. The guild can have it. I'm not jerking it here. It stinks! 7. Best A Jarl's Throne

This is more a fetish of mine idk I just think it's fucking funny to break into a throne room, rub one out on the great big chair an fucking leave without anyone noticing. Ultimate power move in the face of a self-congratulatory bastard who got that seat through an accident of birth. Taking them down a peg turns me the fuck on an I'm not gonna apologise for it! No I haven't jerked off on Ulfric's throne yet but that stupid fuck in Falkreath had a fun morning! 7. Worst The sulphur flats of Eastmarch

If it's not Hircine worshiping witches with a goat head fetish then it's dragons or wolves or Stormcloaks. It smells like the ass end of Red Mountain (also not a recommended place to jerk off). Look, there was one time ol' Sanguine got in touch with me whilst I was with my girlfriend an we kinda ended up in a weird marriage pact with a hagraven. It's not sexy I can assure you. There's just a fuck tonne of beasties that could ruin your me-time. It's just not worth your time. Also there's a group of Ashlanders that follow Ulath-Pal that have set up camp there an they kinda want the head of the Urshilaku Ashkhan...and I like my neck the way it is. Having said that.

6. Best The Eldergleam Sanctuary.

But TELDRRYYNNN you whine! That's a place of worship! You complain. Hey! Hey! Who are you talking to? I do not give a fuck! Look Sydari an I camped there an we had a huge fight over me being me. I left an found me a secluded little corner by a waterfall. Had a pretty rainbow and everything. I was actually relaxed for once an things just kinda went that way. It's a nice place to get yourself off... Spriggans not withstanding. Do not tell the Dragonborn that I'm the reason for everyone in that sanctuary being chased out by angry Spriggans, kay? No I haven't learnt anything from this an I'd do it again simply because of the above-mentioned thing about how defiling a place of power getting me off.

6. Worst Candlehearth Hall

I'm not allowed in here. None of us Dunmer are allowed in here! It's in Windhelm so I'm not really inclined to stick about yeah? Like sure I could ruin something but the atmosphere here just makes me painfully soft so... I'll piss in that cunt's stew though! 5. Best Any Temple of Talos

Because of the irony. BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING IRONY! 5. Worst. Bandit Camps

The temptation's there, I get it. You've cleared out a camp full of second rate idiots and you've pilfered their treasures. You're fucking tired an maybe you found their drug stash...usually you've found their drug stash an you're all prepped to pass out after blowing your load in the chief's bed. Take a second to think because I sure as fuck didn't an now I got another scar on my ass!

That was some real post-nut clarity right there! 4. Best Markarth's Dwemer Museum

Look the whole reason Calcelmo an that fetching nephew of his even have a museum is because of my research. The guy had my favourite sword an dagger in a case which like I appreciate the Crescent was in good hands an all but like also they're mine. It's all mine...I have a possession problem I guess. No I haven't rubbed one out here yet but fuck...my mind is so fucking warped! Like I would! I want to. FUCK!

4. Worst Wolfskull Cave

A cave near Solitude, seemingly inconspicuous and you might be tempted to take some time to yourself, yeah? Guess again. First thing you're gonna notice about this cave is that it smells like rot. That's your first sign it's probably not a great place to whip your dick out. Secondly you're gonna find the place is crawling with undead and fucking necromancers! Look, I'm not the best around anything dead an walkin. I avoid burials like the plague. I'm fucking terrified of it! I spent the whole time trying not to lose my cool in there. I spent all night trying not to freak the fuck out. Last thing I was doing was playing with myself.

Oh look, top three! I'm surprised you've made it this far in my guide to jerking it across Skyrim. I guess I should throw in some special mentions, DO jerk off as close to the Thalmor Embassy as you can. It's hot to make those stiffs angry and I know they wish they could taste me. DO NOT jerk off in the Blue Palace coz you will get caught and they will put you in a dungeon. Don't go in their dungeon I'm serious! Also don't try both in one night because you're drunk and lonely. It doesn't end well. Anyway... 3. Best The beach near Nchardak

I have a small camp set up on the beach near the ruins. Spent a fuck tonne of time there when I was "working" with Neloth on the puzzle locks there. It's where I used to go when I'd had enough of Neloth's bullshit. So naturally I've found myself cranking one out after a long day of researching. There's something oddly romantic about it. The sound of the Sea of Ghosts lapping at the ash covered sand, the beauty of the aurora overhead an no one to fucking bother me! I ah...I don't like bedclothes so the solitude lets me relax and just take care of shit. 3. Worst Tel Mithryn

Do you know how unsexy a giant fucking mushroom is? Why do you think most Telvanni Wizards are older than Vivec's left nut? No one wants to fuck in mushroom stink! It's like I'm smelling dirt an that's bothering the fuck out of me as I'm tugging an it's just ruining my mood! That an I think Neloth jush knows when I'm doing it and sends his dumb fuck apprentice over to offer me Canis Root Tea.

You can see how this is a problem right? It's fucking torture! Why do you think I just set up a yurt on the beach? My poor dick hurt!

2. Best Blackreach

Yes, there's Falmer an Animunculi an wisps an all that but I think you are well aware of how much I feel at ease over things that are pretty. Blackreach has everything that makes me happy. Dwemer ruins, things for me to belt the shit out of, clean water, GLOW. You stop me from whipping it out here? 2. Worst High Hrothgar

You know, I was tossing up between this an like the top of the mountain coz both have the same problems. One, it's colder than anything I can describe. Even inside the building there's fucking frost! You can light all the fires you want and the place is still fucking freezing! I gotta wear actual underwear when I'm here on top of all the other layers I gotta wear just to not feel like I'm about to die of hypothermia! Do you know how much I hate wearing underwear? Do you know how fucking uncomfortable thermal underclothes are? Even if I wanted to rub out a quick one, an believe me I have on multiple occasions, I'd have to fish my cock out from all the layers an he's hiding something fierce! Then you've got all those stuffy old men who haven't gotten off since I was still mortal watching me like they know my dick still works. Mothballs, old man stink, cold, dark walls with ice coating the door. I mean I can and have fucked here, I'm pretty sure this is where my daughter was conceived so like that's saving it from the number one spot. It's just I'd rather be anywhere else! 1. Best Sky Haven Temple

I hate the Blades. I hate what they represent. I hate that they still think they can boss around people in the name of an Empire that died long ago. I hate how they speak to my now wife an I hate that they expect me to lead them given my old position in the organisation. One- I have never wanted anything to do with the Blades. My membership was part of my prision sentence. Two- I killed my superiour out of revenge for my Corprus infection an I have zero regrets about it. They still think I owe them something. I don't! So why is it at the top of my list? Well, I'm fucking the Dragonborn aren't I? No one's gonna kick me out without her following me. Look I knew it would end with us leaving but I just could not help myself. It's the whole throne room thing again. I legitimatly get off on this shit! An fuck me was this one of the best solo nuts of my life! I don't care if Delphine has to clean the War Room. That's my territory now! 1. Worst Apocrypha

The question of "Can you jerk off in Oblivion?" isn't one that comes up often... unless you're me of course. I've done a good ninety year stint in Revelry. It's possible if the relm's set up for pleasure. Mora's house? That guy's missing his section on erotica. Yeah I know there's something to be said for all the oily tenticles if you're into that kinda thing. I'm not. I'm really not into it. You'd think I would be, given my love of knowlage an all that but FUCK! I've never felt so sick in my life! No, I have but that's not important. Why you don't want to jerk off in Hermaeus Mora's house? Simple. It smells like fish and rotting books! I'm not a guy who'll fuck just anywhere an that also goes for fucking myself. The place is disorientatiting at the best of times, the floor moves under your feel an there's strange Daedra behind every corner. I got taken by Sydari's predecessor whom I accedently released whilst I was looking for her an yeah...kinda got stuck there for gods know how long! I was mad at the end of it, took me far too long to recover after I'd been pulled out of there. I missed my daughter's first steps, her first words. It was a fucking nightmare the likes that only the Sharmat would conceive- no, no Voryn actually tried to get me off so... Look, you don't want to even set foot in Libraryland, let alone whip your dick out and rub one out whilst you're lost there. Unless you're partual to having it morph into one of those tenticle things before your eyes. Unless you're into that kinda thing, I ain't judging.

I am judging...

Anyway that's it um...Why was I talking about this again?