#milks yells into the void

[milkmaaaaaan]

Welcome to my Tumblr HELL >:O))

Tags on this post are "temporary" navigation markers.

[actual-changeling]

being an adult is weird because suddenly you have very intense opinions on dish-washing sponges and get as excited over the good oat milk being on sale as you would over going to disneyland

[angelshadowsinger]

Y'all... I be finishing the smut for StBT part 3 rn and... *blinks, shook* it has been a MIN since I wrote somethin this spicy...

[wizardbubs]

ice in milk is wrong and bad but pour some coffee in that shit it becomes heaven on earth

[businesscasualart]

What I put in my 4am matcha shake is between me and God.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The House Guest 2

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Bucky Barnes

Summary: an old acquaintance calls in a favour, leaving you with an unexpected house guest.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

“Where can a man get a beer around here?” Bucky’s voice distracts you from watching the starchy boil of potatoes.  

You step back look at him as he fills the doorway. The house was built in another time. People were smaller. Or maybe he’s just big. 

“Oh, the beer stores about fifteen minutes away.” 

“Great,” he says. “Phone can’t find it. Map’s blank.” 

“Ah, yeah, up here, that happens,” you say. “Fifteen minutes driving. It’ll be at least an hour on foot.” 

“Right,” the disappointment is crisp in his voice. 

“I got a case of Molson in the fridge. Neighbour’s wife was sick and I helped out. Gesture of kindness... for anyone that drinks. You’re welcome to it.” You take a fork and poke at the potatoes. “It’ll end up in the sink anyway.” 

He inhales audibly, “you don’t mind?” 

“As long as you don’t. I don’t know if it’s any good. I’m not a beer person. Unfortunately, everyone else around here is,” you turn off the burner and lift the large pot. 

You carry it to the sink and dump the potatoes into the strainer. A cloud of steam puffs up and sets a sheen over your face. You grunt and put the hot pot aside. You lift the colander and shake out the excess water. 

You look over your shoulder and set it back down. He’s still in the doorway, watching. It must be strange. To be fair, you feel the same. You’re not used to company and he’s a far way from home. 

You go to the fridge and break off a tall can from the six-pack. You bring it to him and his lips clamp sheepishly, “thanks. Coulda waited til dinner... you need help?” 

“I got it,” you assure as you hold out the can.  

He takes it an examines the label. “More of a Heineken man.” 

“Like I said, I wouldn’t know the difference,” you shrug. 

You return to the sink and dump the potatoes back into the pot. He lingers at the door as he cracks the can. You cross to the fridge again as tension pinches the nape of your neck. You take out the butter and milk. The door sucks shut and you sniff as you back up. 

“I... never been to New York,” you say to fill the void. “I hear it smells.” 

“Stinks,” he agrees. “Born in Indiana but I ended up in New York. Home to me. Or... was.” 

“Right,” you nod as you add some milk and butter to the potatoes and grab the masher. “I grew up south of here. Small town but closer to the city. Compared to this it was a metropolis.” 

“It’s quiet up here.” 

“Sure it,” you agree. “It’s nice. Most of the time.” 

You put a lid on the pot to keep it warm and go to the stove. You turn off the steamer as the lid begins to tremble. The timer on the stove counts down. 

“I can take you to the beer store tomorrow. Sorry but I hate driving after dark. The moose don’t exactly abide by the rules of the road.” You explain. 

“It’s fine,” he takes a loud slurp. “It’s beer. It’s not...” he sucks his teeth loudly. “You know, I can’t even get drunk. The taste is just familiar.” 

“Fair enough,” you hit the cancel button before the time can yell at you. “Dinner’s ready.” 

You open the cupboard and take down two plates. You lay them out side by side and work at doling out the portions. His shadow hovers on the other side of the stove. 

“Thanks, you know,” he dares to inch closer. “You already put a roof over me, now you’re feeding me.” 

“No biggie. Just the way up here.” 

He sniffs and gets closer, peeking at the pan as you carve out a hunk of meatloaf, “hadn’t had good home cooking since... well, I been living off the microwave crap or take out.” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” you warn him. “It’s nothing special, I manage. As long as the meat’s cooked, I’m not complaining.” 

“Me either,” he agrees. You lift the plates but before you can bring them to the table, he stops you. He puts the beer on the counter and brings his hands to the edges of the plates. “I got it.” 

You let him take the food and he brings it to the table. You watch him then scoop up the can and follow him. It’s going to be an adjustment. For both of you. 

You put the Molson next to his plate as he’s reluctant to claim his seat, “dig in. It’ll get cold.” 

You go back to grab cutlery and come back. You sit and hand him a knife and fork. He reaches with his left hand and hesitates as you look at his metal digits.  

He clutches the cutlery and quickly retracts. You don’t mention it though you do wonder if he’s embarrassed. Why? Isn’t that what makes him special? A hero? Or whatever he is. 

“This place is old. My ma had the same lintels on her doors in 1934.” He points with his fork to the door frame. 

“Old on top of old. Those are actually from the twenties. No one was doing renos in the thirties, I’m sure you know that. Somewhere back there, one of my great great whatever’s put in a stove and fridge and wired the place up. Kept the fire stove though. Antique now.” 

“Antique, like me,” he scoffs. 

You nod, unsure how to respond. You hope you don’t think you were implying anything. You get a bit carried away. Your mother and grandmother were always into genealogy and you caught a bit of the bug. 

Or maybe he thinks you’re over explaining. He was alive. He would know all these things and could guess the rest. You bite into the meatloaf and stare at the painted trim on the plate. 

“Ma’s place was taken down. Lived near the base since dad was there and they flattened it for a firing range. Now the place in New York... drug den now. New York, glamourous, really. You’re missing out,” he tuts dryly. 

You look up at him and give a tight-lipped expression, “sorry to hear that.” 

“It is what it is. The world changes. With or without you,” he reaches for the beer and swigs. His blue eyes dart to the wall and sharpen. He put the can down with a bit of force and pats his chest. He feels around and grimaces. “I’m gonna have a--” there’s a crinkle and he slides out another sucker. “Well...” 

He waves the candy at you and stands. You watch him silently and scrape your fork through the mashed potato. He twirls the stick between his fingers. 

“It’s good,” he points to his plate, “really.” He clears his throat and shifts on his feet, “back soon.” 

He turns and marches out. You look down at your food and slice into the loaf. The grainy scent of the beer wafts over. You take another bite as your forehead creases in thought. Sam’s a funny guy and this feels a bit like a joke. 

[dovabunny]

GhostSoap AU - Replaced

Cw: angst

They'd been a (secret) thing for almost a year now. Soap was smitten, but respected Ghost's boundaries to keep it private.

But over all these months, Ghost never said he loved him too. He never makes future plans with Soap either.

He keeps turning down invites to go on leave together or meet his family,l. When they're out on missions will always elect share a room with Price over him.

Soap starts to feel like less of a secret lover and more like... Ghost's dirty little secret.

Like he's just being used.

(Read rest below)

It all blows up one night.

The gang had been at a local bar. Some flooze had apparently been making eyes at Ghost and Gaz noticed. Thinking he's being a good friend and wingman, he introduced the two.

Soap had to sit and watch Ghost talk to her at the bar for 20minutes.

Everytime she touched his arm or bought him a drink he wanted to rip her off him.

But what hurt more was that Ghost didn't immediately turn her down, instead entertaining her attention for a drink or two. He didn't tell Gaz he wasn't interested.

Soap was just a spectator.

"So? Get her number?" Gaz eagerly asked when Ghost returned.

"Nah. Not my type. Too chatty."

Gaz rolled his eyes. "Picky bitch. She was pretty. And if you're not into chatty why do you keep him around?" He playfully winked at Soap.

It was a joke. Didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Not when Ghost didn't even reply.

Soap announced he's leaving early. Ghost followed and caught up to him. The cold air did nothing to ease the burning hurt.

"You coming over to mine tonight, Johnny? I doubt they'll be back till after midnight."

Soap grit his teeth and kept walking. "Dunno. Maybe you should go ask your redhead slag."

Ghost glared, voice cold. "That's uncalled for, Johnny. She was just being friendly."

"Friendly, huh? Too bad she's chatty. Apparently that's huge turn off for you."

Ghost grabbed his arm and stopped him. His eyes and tone incredulous. "That's what this hissy fit is about? You're jealous and touchy over that comment? I thought you'd be happy I didn't take her number."

"I would've been happy if you didn't entertain her flirting at all!"

Ghost's eyes turned hard. "And what gives you the right to dictate who I talk to?"

Soap stared for a moment. It hurt. It fucking hurts but he needed to know.

"What am I to you, Simon?"

Ghost was quiet.

"A fling? A partner? A lover? A fucking sex toy? What am I to you!?"

Months of insecurities were bubbling up. The alcohol that loosened his tongue didn't help either as he yelled.

"Don't raise your voice to me, Sargent. I'm still your commanding officer." Ghost said in a tone reserved for intimidating interrogations and reckless recruits.

"...that's it? You're my CO and I'm your Sargent? That's- that's all it is for you?" Soap hated how his voice trembled.

"I didn't make any promises, Soap." (Soap. Not Johnny.) "You have no right to make demands of what I may and may not do, and I won't be chained down!"

"I don't want to chain you down! I just wa-"

"Sounds like you do. Bloody hell, if you didn't want to fuck anymore - fine. There's no need for the tears and the drama, Sargent."

It was only then that Soap realized he was crying.

Ghost cursed and kept walking without him.

Soap feels like he's been punched in the chest, a gaping void left where his heart and lungs should be.

Apparently all the secret kisses Ghost stole, how he held his hand when no one was looking, the way he held him when they were alone were all just what? Drama? In his head?

Soap spends the night sobbing his heart out off base in an empty parking lot with a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

By morning he told himself there's no use crying over spilled milk.

But it wasn't that simple. For either of them. It was the start of the end.

[wrathofrats]

Do you ever think Swiss tried self bondage and got stuck? Strung up and helpless? You think he secretly hopes someone finds him and takes advantage of his stupidity? Idk.

-void

I got carried away is anyone surprised

Keep Me Lit and Salivating

Read here or on ao3

“Awe what happened to you starlight? Someone string you up and leave you?” Ifrit cooed, sitting on the bed next to him. He ran a finger down his chest, admiring his rope work and snapping the middle tie against his skin.

Or 1.7k of aether and ifrit ruining Swiss

Warnings for: dubious consent, Swiss says no but he doesn’t mean it, small bits of objectifying, and just a small bit of quintessence fuckery

Swiss has a thing for self bondage. Something just a little risky about tying himself up, wearing a harness under his clothes. He loves the feel of it being only for himself and no one else. He does it as almost an act of self love, feeling intimate and personal with himself. He takes delicate care with his ropes, making sure to make them tight enough to keep his brain on edge but not to hurt him.

Restraining himself and respecting it for his own pleasure, always knows how to get out of his own ties but something in his brain won’t let him, won’t let him be bad even if it’s just for himself.

He plays with himself a little before, teasing the head of his cock until he’s got a nice little bit of pre beading up, threatening to fall down his shaft. Works a couple fingers in himself, easing himself open to nudge one of his vibrators inside.

It’s already mind numbing. Swiss uses his quintessence to bring the toy all the way out, slamming it back in with a gut punched whine, before raising his wrists to the headboard to cuff them snugly with the key in his palm.

It’s always the plan to get himself close before he struggles. Swiss lets himself cum and be a bit overstimulated before untying himself. He likes the way it hurts for a minute, feels too good, too sensitive, maybe even lets it milk him dry, just feeble drops of cum running down his shaft after a particularly intense session.

This time he wasn’t so lucky.

His legs shook, abdomen trembling as his orgasm washed over him. A line of drool left his lips as he rode it out, feeling his cock twitch on his stomach. Swiss felt all his muscles clench as the vibrator continued long past the pleasure, quickly turning into pain with the high settings. He fumbled with the handcuffs, haphazardly attempting to position the key with the way his body convulsed and tried to get away from the strong sensation.

Before he could react the small piece of metal slipped from his palm. Clattering to the floor below.

“Fuck” Swiss bit out through a whine.

He didn’t have many options. He could attempt to brute force the chain, but the cuffs dug into his wrists uncomfortably and only got worse with every pull. He had more of a possibility to seriously hurt himself than to actually break them to get undone, and as much as Swiss was a masochist, even this was a little ridiculous.

Swiss needed to yell out. Call for help and hope someone walks by at some point in the next couple minutes in order to hear him and hopefully get him unstuck.

“Help!” He cried. The vibrations started to melt into pleasure once again. Hot and painfu but long past what he really wanted. He let out a small yelp as he shifted, driving it further into his prostate.

“Swiss? You ok?” Aether called out, There was a small knock on his door, aether twisting the doorknob tentatively.

“Oh thank Satan- aether please I’m stuck”

The door swung open, aether and ifrit rushing his side with concern before they could really take in the situation in front of them.

Swiss looked absolutely pathetic. He had tears in his pleading expression with his arms cuffed high above his head. His chest was adorned with red rope, tied tight under his pecs and down his stomach, almost making his chest bulge out of it. His stomach was covered in his own release and his cock leaked more down the sides of his abdomen and onto the sheets. He wasn’t going to last much longer. Swiss had a pained expression in his face as his hips bucked into the air like they had a mind of their own.

It really seemed like he was presented before them. Wrapped up for aether and ifrit to unravel and play with.

“Awe what happened to you starlight? Someone string you up and leave you?” Ifrit cooed, sitting on the bed next to him. He ran a finger down his chest, admiring his rope work and snapping the middle tie against his skin.

The vibrations continued to make Swiss’ brain fuzzy, he tried to focus on the question between focusing on how long it would take before he could actually be uncuffed.

“Please-“

“Oh ifrit I think he did this to himself” aether said in mock surprise. He stood behind ifrit, moving Swiss’ thigh so he could see him stretched open on his vibrator. “You know how much this thing loves a real cock in him”

Aether pushed against it, shoving it further into Swiss.

Swiss let out a choked whine, writhing as he came again. It was too much, too soon, painful white hot pleasure putting a ringing in his ears as he tried to breath through the waves of his orgasm. The vibrations never let up, aethers pushing never let up.

Once Swiss opened his eyes again he could feel the toy being slowly pulled out of him. The silicone made an awful wet pop as it came out, dripping with lube and his own slick.

“Forgot he was part water ghoul” ifrit reached for it, admiring the way it shined in the small bit of light in the room. The liquid ran down to his palm before he quickly chased it with his tongue. Swiss let out a choked noise as ifrit took his time to savor his taste, moaning softly at Swiss’ slick on his tongue.

Aether leaned in with a grin to drag his tongue up the other side, staring Swiss in the eyes. They were trying to put on a show for him. Get him all worked up again after being spent and covered in his own fluids. Ifrit slowly kissed up the side of the vibrator while aether moved to meet his lips. They were practically making out around the thing just to make Swiss writhe, wet smacking sounds filled the room as they kissed each other over the toy.

“Wonder if our starlight tastes any better” aether breathed pulling away from ifrit.

“We can’t just let him go without cleaning him up can we?”

Swiss looked almost terrified. A growing warmth in him desperate to be touched but he knows he’s still sensitive, it would still be too much for him. His wide eyes with drying tears on his cheeks almost made him more tempting for the other two ghouls to continue to ruin. All tied up with nowhere to go, really who could blame them for taking advantage of the situation?

Ifrit took his place next to Swiss at the top of the bed. Sweetly curling into his side with his head in the crook of his neck to nip at the sensitive skin. It was an interesting juxtaposition, the nice, caring demeanor that combated the fact that they were keeping him tied up just to play with.

Aether rested between his legs. He kissed along Swiss’ thighs, placing a firm hand on his legs when Swiss tried to prematurely get away from his mouth where he knows it’ll end up.

“Oh don’t be like that sweetheart.” Aether scolded, nuzzling into his pubic bone, “just trying to be kind and not leave you all messy”

Aethers mouth was hot, tongue feeling almost like sandpaper as he licked along Swiss’ stomach to clean up the cum that had pooled along his navel.

“Just-“ Swiss gasped as aether dove to lick a fat stripe up the base of his cock, “aether please”

“Awe he even remembered his manners aeth” ifrit praised, still absentmindedly kissing and sucking along Swiss’ throat and jawline. He looked absolutely wrecked, bruised and limp on the bed, eyes screwed shut as aether continued to tease his spent cock. He lapped over the head, trying to coax him back to full hardness while ifrits hands roamed over his chest.

“Poor thing still can’t get hard though,”

“You could help him, he asked so nicely after all”

The sensations were mind numbing, he could feel all the blood slowly rush to dick with a spark of quintessence as his arms and hands started to tingle. Ifrit plucked at his nipples with a hum aether finally took Swiss fully in his mouth. He was still sensitive, painfully so but all he could do was drool and clench his muscles. It was all artificial, aether was forcing him to be hard with his magic and the back of his throat tasted metallic with it while aether used him.

He wanted to fight against the feeling growing in his stomach. The combination of pain and pleasure that he knew would gut punch him if they actually made him cum again. The ropes were rubbing his skin raw at this point, and ifrit wasn’t helping with that as he continued to pull and maneuver the ropes while he played with Swiss’ chest.

“Gonna have to tie you up all the time if it makes you this easy huh swissy?” Ifrit kisses into his skin. Swiss felt like he was on fire, a suffocating heat in the room as he slowly grew closer and closer.

Swiss didn’t have the brains to warn either of them before shamelessly toppling over the edge. He had barely anything left in him, almost completely milked dry even if aether sucked and swallowed as if his mouth was full. The magic wore off as Swiss settled into another round of almost overwhelming overstimulation.

“There you go sweet boy,” aether rubbed along his skin, as he pulled away, trying to soothe him just a little bit.

“Let me go now?” Swiss looked like a kicked puppy, his breathing was still heavy, voice seemingly raw from trying not to moan and cry.

“Of course not” ifrit laughed, pressing a peck to Swiss’ lips

“I still haven’t had my turn”

[hellohiyoko]

The Hidden Danganronpa Trope: The Red Eyed, Pig-tailed, Girl In Red and Black

I had posted this on Amino once before, I figured to repost it here.

Aside from similar color schemes, similar hair styles, and similar eye colors, these three characters have a lot more in common than one would initially realize.

Spoilers below for Trigger Happy Havoc, Super Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair, and V3: Killing Harmony, you've been warned.

Celestia Ludenburg from THH

The first red eyed, pig-tailed girl to set the precedence for her successors, is Celestia Ludenburg, the Ultimate Gambler. Makoto Naegi introduces himself and he's immediately suspicious of who she really is, seeing as "Celestia Ludenburg" is a rather odd name for a girl who claims to be from Japan. Regardless, she continues to lie and insist that Celestia Ludenburg is her real name.

At first glance, Celeste is seen as a rather cold, composed, and cunning individual who's willing to adapt to the killing game to live in Hope's Peak Academy for the rest of her foreseeable future. But in Chapter 2, we catch the ever so slightest glimpse of her true nature, as she yells and berates Hifumi due to the dissatisfaction of his milk tea. Her foreign accent disappears, and the calm, collected, individual is suddenly losing her shit, loudly might I add, over milk tea. Such an uncharacteristic crash out shocks the remaining survivors, this was a completely different person from who they've come to know.

It isn't until the end of the class trial in Chapter 3 that we learn who Celeste really is. If you didn't know then, you learned now that her vague European accent is fake. Even her name, "Celestia Ludenburg", as expected, was fake. Her real name is Taeko Yasuhiro, which she believes to be a "loser's name". She hates the common lifestyle she's lived up to this point, and hid her true identity from the rest of the peers. Who could've seen this coming? 😲

Peko Pekoyama from SDR2

Next up is Peko Pekoyama, the Ultimate Swordswoman. Immediately, you can tell that Peko and Celeste are two very different characters/people (depends on who you ask, ba dum tss 😉). While Peko is reserved and composed much like the counterpart aforementioned, she's much more trustworthy. She's open to social events such as parties and willing to put herself out there for introductions with her classmates, despite being emotionless. When meeting Hajime Hinata in SDR2 on Jabberwock Island, she's blunt with her intentions, stating that while she wants to get along, she won't hesitate to kill anyone should someone step out of line, all before anyone in SDR2 realized the predicament they were in.

Other than suspiciously meeting with Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu in the mornings when he left the group, nothing else seems out of the ordinary...

Until Chapter 2...

More specifically, the trial of Mahiru Koizumi's death. Toward the end of the trial, Peko tells those who have survived up to that point that she murdered Mahiru because she was Sparkling Justice, a vigilante who targeted criminals, in hopes that she wouldn't be considered the actual blackened. But thanks to Hajime and Sonia Nevermind, her lie about her motive and identity was revealed. We learn that the Kuzuryuu Clan adopted Peko for the sole purpose of serving as Fuyuhiko's sword and shield. She's not just a bodyguard, she sees herself as a tool, to be used by Fuyuhiko, void of any human emotion, intuition, or agency; a rather negative self image, wouldn't you say?

...is it clicking yet? Have you perhaps found a few similarities in Celeste and Peko? Keep whatever thoughts you have on hold as I talk about the last character.

Maki Harukawa from V3

Ah, yes, our final girl! Kaede Akamatsu and Shuichi Saihara meets Maki Harukawa as the Ultimate Child Caregiver, in the library of the Ultimate Academy of Gifted Juveniles in Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony. Despite another change in location, Maki appears to be reserved, composed, and cold initially. Despite Kaede's observation that Maki doesn't look like a child caregiver (and Kaito's opinion that she looks like someone who could fight), nothing else about Maki stands out too much in the prologue and first chapter.

Maki's suddenly thrusted into the spotlight in...you guessed it, the second chapter!

As soon as more Ultimate Research Labs become available, Maki goes off on her own and finds her own behind a gold and crimson door, which doesn't give a "child caregiver" vibe at all. She's even more distant than usual and doesn't let anyone see her lab. And once Ryoma's body is found, Maki refuses to participate in the investigation.

The second trial begins. Her refusal to cooperate and her lack of an alibi makes Maki quite suspicious. But she didn't murder anyone, she just lied about who she is. Toward the end of the chapter, Kokichi reveals to the surviving students that Maki's not a child caregiver, she's the Ultimate Assassin.

Unlike her predecessors though, Maki actually manages to make it to the end of Chapter 3, and survives the killing game alongside Shuichi and Himiko Yumeno, with some interesting character development. Throughout V3 and through FTES, we learn that Maki was tortured into becoming the assassin as we know (and love) today. She had went through so much pain and anger for being forced to kill people that eventually, she became numb to it all. Maki was used, and because of this, she begun to hate herself, believing that she was nothing more than a tool for killing who didn't deserve any friends or compassion (luckily until Kaito Momota convinced her otherwise).

So, to recap:

They're all female

They all have red eyes and pig-tailed hair with pale skin

Their ensemble consists of red, white, and black

They're initially composed, somewhat cold, and reserved

In Chapter 2, a part of their identity is revealed

(I say a part because in Chapter 2 of THH, it's revealed that Celeste's accent and personality are both fabricated, which isn't exactly her whole identity like Peko's or Maki's, but it's something)

Each one of these three characters have lied about who they really are~~

(Celeste lied about being...well Celeste, Peko lied about being Sparkling Justice and went on pretending that she and Fuyuhiko had no connection outside of Hope's Peak, and Maki lied about being the Ultimate Child Caregiver)

Each one of these characters have killed at least one person

(If you believe that Tsumugi is lying and Maki Harukawa is actually an assassin)

Each one of these characters holds a negative self image about themselves due to their past/upbringing

(Celeste hates who she is due to her "commoner" life, Peko believes she isn't human and that her only purpose is to serve Fuyuhiko, while Maki hated herself after being forced into becoming an assassin)

Quite interesting, isn't it? So what it does all mean? Eh, not much, just thought this was pretty cool.

I mean, if anything, should a fourth Danganronpa Killing Game ever come to fruition, and there's yet another girl with red eyes, pig-tails, dressed in red, white, and black, at the very least we all know to be careful.

[ayayiiie]

Make me love you

Song playing: Taeyeon - Make me love you.

Pairing: fuck boy! Heeseung x good girl! Reader. (Feat Enha)

TW: cursing, mentions of sex, drugs, smoking, throwing up. (Y'all is Heeseung very a bad boy in this one? :3)

Genre: hints of angst, fluff

Words: ~ 13k

Trope:

Lee Heeseung wants you real bad. So what? He needs to prove how much he's worthy.

- « Don't you want to claim me as yours baby girl? »

- « You will only bring me problems Lee. »

- « You don't know til you try. Look at me, ready to give my entire self to you. »

« Then.. Take me far away. »

하나.

« Shadows come from the light in the darkness 

In times that are even lonelier »

He was foully beautiful, has a disgustingly pretty smile and a diabolically angel face. He was as hot as Sukuna Ryomen, smart like Chrollo Lucifer, toned like Eren Yeager and flirty (and annoying) as Usui Takumi.

Every one of his steps scream power and dominance, people in town were obliged to recognize his god-like features.

Lee Heeseung was a piece of wonder. He was the personification of the Great Chinese Wall. Well, for others it means he was one of the seven wonders, his friends being the others six. For you he was illigible, like a void devoid of colors, feelings, words. Looking at him was like walking on the Great Chinese Wall. Infinite stairs, a never ending pathway, long exhausting adventure where you can get lost easily.

You never knew how to understand Lee Heeseung.

And people were here, yelling at you for not being liquified by his unbelievable visuals.

You were not attracted to Lee Heeseung.

And people were here once again, crying about you not having a good eyesight because who in the world would tell a big NO NO to THE Lee Heeseung ?

Despite his apparence, one thing you knew for sure was that he was the synonym of troubles. And that compensated his visuals. Lee Heeseung was a big red flag.

Vandalizing walls, driving fast past three in the morning, drinking heavily almost every night, skipping class (even though he always passed his exams with flying colors which confused you), smoking, sniffing drugs you never heard the name before, fucking some random women of every age everywhere.

Yeah, for you he was the worst of the worst, and you sure would not (in this peaceful life of yours) like to have an affair or everything as minuscule as it is with him.

You knew that Lee Heeseung had no interests in you either and it was perfectly perfect for you.

둘.

« The hand that was carefully held out

I couldn’t hold it, I’ve only hesitated but »

« Hey, did you heard that? Lee Heeseung has won the cars’ racing yesterday!

- Listen Young-Hee, you do know I don't give a freak about him right? This man screams problems.

- But don't deny he's attractive! Plus Seo-Hyun had a one night stand with him last week, are you realizing? THE Park Seo-Hyun?

- Please why do you look so interested about that? What is incredible about this?

- Oh please Y/N, we ALL know that Seo-Hyun has a purity ring given by her dad! She promised chastety and here she was, fucking with Lee Heeseung!

- And so? It's something between her, her father and Heeseung, what do I have to do about that?

- YOU COULD BE NEXT IN LINE! »

The strawberry milk you were drinking went out of your mouth to someone's shirt. Eyes widening in both shock and embarrassment, you quickly excuse yourself, not even looking up to cross eyes with them and lend them a tissue while repeatedly apologizing.

« I'm sorry I'm sorry, I didn't attend to do that! »

The bell ringing was a lucky sign for you to sprint directly to your class. As you both pant from the little course, you suddenly hear a loud chuckle from Young-Hee.

« Girl that's what I call being "purged"! she said in between laughs.

- Shut up that was embarassing! And it's your fault! You did it on purpose right?!

- I will keep doing it to see those faces you make! She laughs loudly, people staring.

- Hee! » you yell, trying to grab her arm. But she was faster and quickly went to her seat.

Let's say you couldn't focus on the entire class. Your mind was busy spacing out and thinking about the conversation earlier. Of course you knew that Park Seo-Hyun was the famous virgin of the campus, because everyone knew that. And the fact she wore proudly her ring was her way of showing her engagement !

« You could be next in line! »

This sentence keeps repeating in your head like a malicious mentra and you can't help but to imagine Lee Heeseung devouring you with his eyes. As much as you hated to admit it, he was indeed handsome. But that was a facade to you. Because deep inside, you kept telling yourself that he was someone bad, manipulative and who had no interest in women's feelings. That's what you hate the most. Your dad always made sure to show his love to your mom, so it sure was a big shock when you learn that some men were beating and mistreating their girlfriends or wives. The perfect image of love just crumbled down and you couldn't help but to be on your guard ever since. Especially with people like Lee Heeseung. People categorized you as the « girl talking to only girls » because you always talk with girls only. Not that you despise men, you just don't feel like talking to them and you were perfectly fine with it. Even if some dare to approach you, you woulk kindly answer them and then dash as fast as possible, avoiding the interaction like plague.

Indeed, you did not hate men, you just never knew how to talk to them.

Beside your big brother of two years older your dad and to any men in your small family, talking to the opposite genre was a real challenge for you. Sweaty hands, swifty gazes, mumbling and rosy cheeks. You hated making a fool of yourself and indirectly, men were making you this way. You discovered later that you had heterosocial anxiety. « Good » you told yourself ironically while rolling your eyes, this means talking to men was making you nervous.

But like all stories, there was an exception, a boy in who you could talk to without stuttering and being insecure about your side profile, about the way you would smile, all the mimicks you had. He was your childhood neighbour, Kim Sunoo.

Maybe because he looked less scary and more welcoming, or the way he would smile and his eyes would form two little crescents. Maybe because he seemed more boyish ? Kim Sunoo was the only boy you could talk without being feared of being judged. For you, he will always be the little boy who shared strawberries his grandma prepared for after-school snack. He will always be your super adventures’ companion in your garden.

So it sure was painful when Kim Sunoo transferred from public school to private. Being children, you did not keep in touch and never saw each other ever since. But Sunoo gifted you with a braided bracelet. It was synonym of you guys’ friendship as he too, had one. His mother would show you pics of him, he would send her some after he finished his class, in secondary school. His peace sign beside his wink and little smile would bring a grin to your face too, somewhat relieved he was doing so well.

As you were thinking deeply of your childhood friend, a hand came crashing on your face.

« Young-Hee! I swear you're a dead woman!

- Listen, it's lunch and I'm hungry, stop thinking about Lee Heeseung and let's go to the cafet! she crosses her arms with a devilish smirk plastered on her face.

- I wasn't even thinking about him, cut the drama. »

The walk to the cafeteria was filled with laughters and a warm mood. Tray in hands, you were searching for a place to sit. It seems like today was filled with students as the only places you found were in the middle of two groups, hastily chatting. Not even two minutes after Young-Hee and you started eating, a breaking sound was heard on the other side of the cafet.

« LEE HEESEUNG YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH ! » was heard by a female voice.

There, was standing Park Seo-Hyun, infront of a sitting Lee Heeseung. It looked like she threw her glass at him within her tray of food. You see how unbothered he looked, even with food and water all over his clothes. Seo-Hyun scoffed at his lack of reaction and quickly walk out of the cafet, her two best friends following her. Shrugging, you turn back and start eating like nothing happened.

« Oh my god, what do you think did just happen?

- Well, this is what happens when you go inside Lee Heeseung’s circle. That’s why I don’t want anything with him, you said, unimpressed while digging in your tomatoes (I’m sorry for those who don’t like them 😭)

- But don’t you want to know? I loooove gossips hehe…

- If you want to investigate it’s without me you already know that, you say, unbothered.

- But please, she said, a tiny pout on her lips and giving her best doe eyes.

- I really hate you, you know? You sighed while shaking your head.

- Yey! I love you bestie! » She smiles happily then proceeds to swallow everything she had in her mouth.

For you, it was none other than some childish things, without harm. At least, that’s what you expected.

셋.

« My heart already trembles, I keep

getting scared

On this night when you secretly held out

your hand »

After disposing your tray in the conveyor belt, Young-Hee excitedly locked your cubital fossa together and has speed towards the almost empty hallways.

« Where are we going? You tell just loud enough for her to listen.

- In front of their class, Heeseung and Seo-Hyun are classmates, didn’t you know? She said making sure to be discreet and to look everywhere.

- I’m not such a big gossip girl like you Hee, you know that, you watched her getting agitated.

- It’s not some gossip, it’s general knowledge Y/N!

- As if, you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes.

- Let’s hide here! » Young-Hee said as she sweeps you both behind a big pillar glued to the classroom’s wall.

Peeking through the marble, you quietly observe your surroundings. Seo-Hyun was in the classroom with her friends, talking angrily about something you couldn’t hear.

« This situation kinda stress me Hee, you said playing with your bracelet. The tropes were so lose they could ripped anytime. It was a habit of you to fidget with it when you were nervous.

- Shh, I’m trying to decipher what they’re saying », she shushed you, looking attentively at the girls.

You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes a second time. Young-Hee was really persistent when she wanted to be but you couldn’t blame her, she lifted up your moral numerous times with this personality of hers.

« I fucking hate his guts! He promised me so many things but at the end what?! I gave my fucking virginity to an asshole like him?! Screams Seo-Hyun.

- He doesn’t deserve you Seo, trust us, said one of her friends.

- But Chae I gave him my v card, my dad’s gonna kill me if he learn that.

- You can just wear the ring again, he wouldn’t know.

- The whole school knows it! No way he will not be aware!

- Seo, calm down first. Instructed Chae-Won.

- I can’t-

- Y/N! Hide quick! » whispered-yelled Young-Hee.

Panicked, you rapidly hide behind the pillar, pressing your body as far as you could.

« What’s happening? » You whisper to your friend, completely lost.

Hee only gave you her big eyes as a response and gestured you that someone was coming. You didn’t think two times about it and just nodded.

« What are you gonna do Hee? She’s super mad at you and look at you, you’re covered in tomatoes’ sauce. You both hear a man voice talking.

- Huh? She took my hoodie when we did it last week, I just want to take it back, and I need to change clothes too. You could recognize Heeseung’s voice at the same time steps were coming your way.

- You’re unbelievable man! Exclaimed the other guy with him, chuckling in disbelief.

- I know, Heeseung only replied. You could practically hear and imagine his smirk as they open the door.

- What do you want bastard?! Screams Seo-Hyun.

- Wow, I didn’t came to be assaulted. I just want to take my hoodie back, I left it at yours last week.

- Already threw it in the trash can. She spat bitterly.

- Ouch, » murmured Young-Hee.

You looked at Young-Hee but didn’t expect her to make a silly face so you accidentally snort without realizing you both could be in big troubles if they happen to know you were here.

« Hey, did you heard that? Said the friend accompanying Heeseung.

- Hear what Jake? Questioned Heeseung.

- I heard some muffles over there, let me check. »

Panic immediately took possession of your body as you hurriedly run and turn in the near corridor.

« Hey! Wait! » You hear from the other side as you run endlessly trying to turn in the maximum corridors possible to left him.

Finally arriving at the back of your school, you both pant loudly, trying to catch your breath.

« That was freaking close! For once Mr Hwang’s running class weren’t useless! Pant Young-Hee between each inspirations taking.

- Listen carefully Hee, you stand fully up as your hands were resting on your knees to catch your breath, last time. I swear, last time forever.

- But they didn’t catch us, I’m sure he didn’t even see our faces! » She exclaimed feigning innocence.

You frown. If Jake was running behind you, he must have seen two figures at least. Plus, girls. You subconsciously touch your wrist to feel your bracelet when nothing brush your fingertips. Imagining the worst, you look down only to see it gone.

« Shit shit shit, don't tell me it fell off while we were running? You mumbled.

- What happened? asks Young-Hee, concerned.

- My bracelet fell off when we ran Hee, I need to search for it, it's a gift!

- Wow, it's okay, let's go back and see if it's there. »

You then walk the opposite way, following exactly each corridor you took. You were stressing, losing the only memory of your friend was the last thing you wanted to face right now. And as you kept approaching the classroom, your fear only increased.

« It's nowhere to be found Y/N... said your companion, empathic.

- Maybe it just fell right next to the pillar? I will take a look, you finally sighed, feeling hopeless.

- Okay, I'll search in this area over there, » she pointed the opposite direction with her finger.

As you were searching, you failed to notice a stare on you, silently watching every move you made.

You finally concluded after fifteen minutes that it was lost and you couldn't do anything about it. To feel guilty and sad were an understatement to what you were feeling right now. This bracelet was your anti-stress and now it was gone.

넷.

« Make me kiss you

 Ma-make me kiss you »

The end of the day came up rather quickly and you were now packing your things in your backpack. Young-Hee bided you goodbye earlier because she has tennis sessions so today you had to walk back home alone. It was actually great for you as you long for loneliness and peace sometimes. It eases your mind, not that being with Young-Hee create headaches but she was a little bit too loud sometimes.

As you exit the hallway of your university, someone secretly hold their phone up and snap a picture of you walking away. Shuffling it back in their pocket, they act like nothing happened and watch your back disappears.

« So you’re like that huh?! Taking pic of someone without their consent?! » Screams a girl.

You abruptly turn around to see the scrap. There you see again Seo-Hyun and Heeseung. Looks like she was yelling at him for something he did.

« Does it concern you? Just because we fucked doesn’t mean we’re dating idiot, » he spoke calmly, his chin lightly raised alongside a brow.

Reminding you of your « mission » with Young-Hee, you can’t help but to approach the scene quietly, making sure you’re discreet. As you hide behind a spot you continue to listen.

« Then you shouldn’t have promised me so many things that night! Was it nothing to you?! She angrily tells.

- And what are these things? Because I don’t remember any actually, he answers casually. He was used to it.

- You told me you will make me feel special, that I’m not like the others and that I’ll be the only one! At this point she was just stomping her foot on the ground brutally.

- Oh. Yeah it was in the heat of the moment. Never actually think this way. Plus I was drunk so I didn’t really paid attention to what I was saying, » he said once again as if it really didn’t bother him to see her on the verge of beating him up.

*clap*

Your eyes widened at the loud clap your heard and you were sure it came from her hand entering in collision with his cheek. « Must have hurt » you told yourself in your head.

« Fucking asshole, I’m gonna denounce you for what you’ve done and also for taking a pic of Y/N in secret! » she lastly said before storming away.

You slowly realized what she said and confusion took all over your mind.

« Wait, what? He took a secret pic of me? » You wondered in your mind.

- Stop hiding. I know you’re here, you hear a masculine voice calling, broking your self-thought bubble.

- Oh shit, you mumbled, it was over now, you were discovered, umh, hi haha, I was just about to go haha, you said, the uneasy feeling slowly climbing in your whole body as you step out of your hiding spot, walking awkwardly like a robot with a grimace.

- Really? You do know it’s not really polite to listen to others in secret yeah? »

Lee Heeseung grabs onto your shoulder, the scene particularly comic as he turns your around.

As you face him, your eyes immediately locked together and you can’t help but to feel intimidated by his gaze. It was teasing, almost mocking and shockingly traversing your entire core. You feel naked under him and once again you remind yourself why you hated talking to men this much. Instead of his uniform’s shirt he was wearing a plain oversized t-shirt of color white, he probably changed clothes after receiving the food on himself at the cafet. His black hair were swaying by the wind, softly falling on his mischievous eyes. God he was perfect.

« So? Kitten got your tongue angel? He tilted his head, waiting for an answer.

- Don’t… call me that, it sounds naughty coming from your mouth, you said looking finally down, not supporting his gaze.

- Oh really? That’s what y’all say, he chuckled slowly moving forward, but y’all love it in bed.

- And you talk about me listening to conversations in secret but you are not so good yourself, taking pic like a creep of someone without their consent, » you spat, your tone harsher than you intended too and your eyes piercing his when you lift your head. As much as you wanted to deny it, your cheeks were already red and your heartbeat as quick as the speed of light.

In response, he smirks, clearly pleased by what he’s seeing and hearing in front of him. You tried not to take in details his black hair perfectly styled as well as his perfect face and soft creamy skin. You then notice how bad Seo-Hyun had slapped him as a red mark was clearly visible on his left cheek.

« I don’t really like brats but with you I think I can make some efforts, he shrugged and came even more close, I don’t want to be harsh with you baby it would break my heart, he whispered, his hand coming up to brush against your chin.

- Who said you could touch me? Delete this pic as soon as possible and leave me alone, you’re carrying troubles, you sweep his hand away and step back.

- And what if I don’t? What are you gonna do? His cocky grin never leaving his face.

- I… I will report it to the police! You stumble over your words, quickly regretting the way you look so weak in front of him.

- Will you? When you know that my dad is a powerful CEO? In fact, the most powerful of the country? » He retorts, a feeling of satisfaction filling him up when your eyes widen up.

You sigh then frown at him and quickly dash away, not wanting to talk further. It was infuriating you that he was always winning. You hated him so much.

« We can find a way if you’re willing to be mine! 

- Never!! » you shout loud enough for him to hear you, only to hear a laugh as a response.

- How would you react if I tell you that you’re the reason I bring troubles Y/N? » Heeseung finally sighed watching your silhouette ventures between the buildings.

You let out a scream after making sure nobody was around you.

« This freaking Lee Heeseung!! You and your bad mouth will go down in hell I swear! You angrily said as you stomp your feet.

- Pff. »

You turn around as soon as you heard something. Scanning your surroundings you search the source of the noise.

« Is someone there? You ask, unsure and on your defensive.

- Not at all, act like I’m not here, answered a voice.

- Are they dumb or dumb? I just yelled my frustration and you’re telling me to continue embarrassing myself? You thought, low key judging them. Where are you? Show yourself. » (Frozen enwnkzjwnz)

After a few minutes, a boy finally step out and came infront of you. He was wearing a white t-shirt and by the look of the small pink stain on it you immediately remembered what happened this morning.

« Oh, you said taken aback.

- Like you said « Oh », he laughed, thank you for customizing my t-shirt, I didn’t know it was a tradition in your uni, he looked down at it, a small smile on his face.

- Huh… sorry… you didn’t had any clothes to change? You nervously ask.

- Oh no, I’m new here and I needed to get my dorm’s keys after school so nope.

- I’m sorry you had to walk like this the entire day. Uhm… » you said, hesitant.

In fact you were hesitating, one part of you wanted to go home, feeling the urge to burry yourself alive because a male was talking to you but yet another part was feeling too guilty to just go and you feel like you had to forgive for what you’ve done.

« Yes? He looked at you, a soft smile appearing on his face.

- Do you want to go to the cafe shop with me? We can go and drink some chocolate milk? I want to apologize properly.

- Uh, it will be coffee milk for me, he laughed, but yeah sure, » he smiles.

You couldn’t help the dumbfounded expression on your face as you heard his answer. « Mr is picky I see. » you thought to yourself. Well, you thought you said it in your head but his laugh caught you off guard, WAIT DID YOU JUST ASKED A BOY OUT ?

« I heard you, and I personally do not think that I’m picky, I just have my preferences, » he says proudly, mischievous eyes looking straight right through yours.

You just shake your head, already embarrassed about the fact he heard your thoughts.

As you both make your way to the cafe shop, you learn that his name is Sunghoon Park. He was currently an ice skater and was preparing for his national competition. As a big fan of Yuzuru Hanyu, you couldn’t help but to feel interested in his career’s story.

« So you learned ice skating when you were 10? That’s quite amazing. Do you have any friends? You ask without really knowing how you could talk to him this easily.

- Mh.. only one, her name is Eunseo, she is the only girl who dared to come to me when we were young, he shrugged looking unbothered.

- Oh, were you the only boy? You keep asking, trying to match his walking pace, your voice weakening as you saw the unbothered look on his face, were you boring? Did you forced him to go with you? And what if he didn’t wanted to?

- In my club yes, it was kinda lonely back then before I met Junhwan, he notices that you were having a hard time keeping up with him so he slowed down, quickly scanning your smaller figure with a glance.

- I see I see, you nod rapidly, your eyes that were on him now looking in front of you, throat suddenly dry as the conversation touched its end.

- And you? What’re you doing on a daily basis? He raised an eyebrow towards you.

- Me? Haha nothing as interesting as you, I’m a simple girl, you try to brush the subject away, surprised that he kept the conversation on going.

- Really? Aren’t you working at an animals center? He opens the door for you as you were now arrived.

- How… how do you know that? You enter, waving a hand to thank him.

- A friend of a friend, » he grins once more, passing before you towards the counter.

« What in the world..? » you thought again, gradually joining him as your mind overflowed with thoughts, finding him kinda creepy.

While you guys took commands, you quickly paid for both drinks before he could do anything, muttering a shy « it’s on me ». Unfortunately for you, you missed the way his eyes shone as his heart skipped a beat. You then found a table in a corner, near a window offering you the view of a busy crowd. The more you were thinking of the situation you were right now, the more you’re nervous. Endless fears and thoughts invading your head as you look around in an alarmed state, your knees automatically shaking under the table.

« You seem to have a lot of thoughts in your head. Every time you’re quiet, I’m quite sure you’re thinking of something, he softly puts his chin on his palm as his elbow is resting on the table, his attention entirely on you, making things even harder for you to support the awkward atmosphere you were feeling alone.

- Yes, I actually think a lot haha, not you? Your gaze darting away from his stare.

- Depends, he responds, eyes not blinking and continuing to stare right into your orbits.

- Number 38! You perked, reacting to your command’s number.

- Will be right back, » you stand up and walk rather awkwardly feeling his intense gaze on your back.

You went to grab your drink and thanked the woman. On your way back, you notice a frown adorning Sunghoon's soft features as he was staring at his phone. Not wanting to bother him, you sat down quietly, sipping on the sweetness awaited, immediately calming your stress. He quickly put his phone back into his pocket before looking at you, eyes softening upon seeing your content eyes. You were zoning out, so did not notice his eyes staring at you.

« It's unfair really, he managed to mumbled, a grin evident on his face as he finally looks away.

- What is unfair? You barely heard what he said but did anyways.

- It's unfair to look this cute actually, he whispers, still looking around the cafe shop.

- W-what did you say? I didn’t hear you, you purse your lips, blinking in confusion. To be honest you did heard him, you just wanted to be sure and not be delusional.

- Nothing, a simple note to myself, » he shrugs and then stand up when his order is being called.

You couldn't help but wonder to what he said earlier, what does he mean by "unfair"? Anyways, you checked the time on your phone to see that it was late (or that you wanted to escape from this situation?), and that you needed to revise for a test coming soon. Sunghoon was just arriving when you stand up. He gave you a confused look and you quickly told him the reason of your departure.

« Already leaving? We have just arrived? He asks, incredulous, standing still with his drink in hand. (Sunghoon be like : 🧍‍♂️)

- I know and I'm sorry for that! I'll see you around! You say, in a sort of a rush.

- Wait lemme at least walk you, he tries to slow you down, but you were faster and have already left the cafe shop. Aish... This girl... » he tilted his head, disappointed in himself or in you he didn't know, but he for sure wanted to spend a little bit more time with you.

After all, you caught his eyes and with it, his cold heart.

다섯.

« Make me touch you 

Ma-make me touch you »

The following week was packed.

You finally let out a sigh of relief, it was now the week-end, you will have the deserved time to breathe. You were now in your room, on your bed, laying on your chest. You had just finished your night routine and was on the verge of sleeping when you heard something hitting your window. Panicked, you quickly turn off your bedside lamp, telling who-the-hell they're that you're sleeping and above all, that you want to be alone. In fact, you were scared it was a stealer or a serial killer and hurriedly hide yourself under your blanket as if it will protect you from them. Even though you tried to sleep, your eyes tightly shut, the noise wouldn’t stop, it was quite the contrary. Taking your courage in both hands, you quietly stand up and gently push aside your curtains before looking for the culprit of your peacefulness. Being shocked was an understatement as you saw none other than Lee Heeseung standing behind your gates, getting ready to throw yet another rock on your window before you furiously open the latter.

« Lee Heeseung! What are you doing at this hour? I'm trying to sleep! You whisper-yelled, not wanting to wake up your parents.

- Come with me! He offers you a big smile, waving at you.

- Is he crazy or what? You murmured to yourself, not believing his words. What? Why? Are you going to give me some candies and then kidnap me? You say ironically, I don't know you! Go to your home! » You finally pronounce your last words before closing your window.

« I wouldn’t mind kidnapping you though, » he mumbles under his breath as he smiles, heart racing.

Not even two seconds after it was closed, you hear knocking sounds again. Taking a deep breath, you tried to calm yourself, you were not one to be very patient, plus the lack of sleep these days were really working you up. Lee Heeseung or not, you were strangers and he was invading your privacy at this point ! It has to cease before your parents found him out and call the police. As much as you didn’t liked him, it's not like you hated him too and you just wanted to avoid problems. God knows what could happen to you if this story disclose around, his fangirls would grab your hair, make a pretty haircut (note the sarcasm) and throw you in the nearest dump while his father would probably kick you out of the country with your parents. So you decided to slip on an oversized hoodie, stolen from your brother (working overseas), and to step down your stairs in the quietest way possible. You needed to be extra careful because your mother was a light sleeper so even the weenie mistake would wake her up and you would then be in big problems. Reaching the entrance, you open the door without a care about your looks, after all, it completely went out of your head.

« What's your problem? Why are you here? You hiss, now infront of the fuckboy of the campus.

- Woah ~ so sexy, he whistles at the sight of your disheveled hair, oversized hoodie, slippers and your annoying face.

- Just answer the damn question Lee, you switch your weight on one of your leg, the foot opposed stomping against the fresh grass of your garden. Your hands were on your hips as you were glaring at him.

- Just wanted to see you, that's all, he lifted his hands above his shoulders, acting as if he was surrending himself.

- And why so? I don't understand, we are not friends, not even acquaintances even more, we don't speak to each other at all. How did you even got my address?! And most importantly : What do you want from me? Your frown deepening, your arms cross on your chest.

- I'm racing tonight, I need to bring someone with me. I thought of-, he began but you quickly dismiss him.

- Rejected. Did you really think I was going to accept? In your dreams, you scoff, not believing him.

- Come on, it will be fun I promise you, » he extends his hand, as if waiting for you to grab it.

The truth is, you heard from some classmates that racing with Heeseung was amazing. He would have excellent driving skills and it would have been a shame to miss it. Closing the distance between you and him, you raise your hand, almost as if you were going to accept his proposition, only to clap his hand down. His eyes, that were hopeful of you possibly agreeing, lose their light, like a sad puppy not getting his treat.

« I will say it one last time Heeseung, you look straight into his eyes, rejected. » You gritted, emphasizing on your last word.

You then turn around, not letting him the time to reply back, and enter your home. Not even two minutes inside and you're glidding down the door, your hands pressed against your chest, a futile attempt to calm your messy heartbeat. This interaction with this man was in no point good for you and put you in one hell of a state you couldn't even imagine.

Why everything was suddenly happening to you? And most of all, why did it has to be LEE FREAKING HEESEUNG?

That night, you couldn't sleep.

여섯.

« Make me want you 

Ma-make me want you »

The next morning you felt especially groggy. You didn't had much sleep and it was also the first day of your period. « I hate this world » you mumbled to yourself, already feeling the cramps coming. As you peacefully went out of bed to ready yourself, a notification caught your attention.

« #Lee_Heeseungs_new_chick »

Seriously? Was he going to follow you everywhere you were going? Would you believe! Now he’s even invading your notifications… You feel like Lee Heeseung was stuck with you for whatever reason and it pissed you off. For wanting him away it looks like the opposite.

« Are you ready Y/N? Hurry or you will be late, informs your father, peeking through your door, ajar.

- Yes I'm coming right now, is mom already gone? You ask, standing up and taking your uniform hanging on your wardrobe.

- Yup, said she has to go early today, » you hear his faint voice as he was walking down the stairs, his voice resonating in the corridor.

It was unusual for you, your mom never had to go early to work. But you shrugged it off, everything happens for a reason. You quickly do your morning routine then finally went out of your house.

As you arrived at the university, you couldn't help but notice how stares were directed at you for a reason you ignore. Being self-counscious, you found a restroom and checked if you had anything on your face or your clothes, only to notice that everything was perfectly fine. What the hell was happening?

The only way to know was to ask Young-Hee as she always keep herself updated. And you didn't had to search for her for too long as you could pratically hear her yells from the other side of the hallway.

« Y/NNN! Oh my god why didn't you tell me? She grabs your hand and pulls you towards a quieter side of the hallway, where nobody could hear you both.

- About what? You ask, like a lost puppy.

- You and Lee Heeseung are dating !Congrats! She cheerfully says.

- Wait- what?! No way in this freaking world! I do not like him and you know it! You offer her your most disgusted-shocked face, making her laugh.

- But the whole campus is aware! She then take out her phone from her bag's pocket.

- And why am I not aware then? What's happening?

You noticed that everyone were looking at you with weird eyes, you panicked a little, looking repeatedly on both side of you.

- Look! » She shows you her screen.

You couldn't believe what you were seeing right now.

It was a picture of you and Heeseung last night. The picture showed the moment you just taped his hand down to refuse his proposition, but it gives the impression of you two holding hands. Who would take a picture of you and him this late at night? One of his fans? Or maybe he planned this all along? You were confused and soon a striking pain started to pounced in your head. Good, you were having a headache because of all the ruckus. Not to mention the pain of your cramps too, you knew how bad they were particularly during the first few days.

« Are you okay? Worriedly ask Young-Hee, seeing you squinting your eyes in pain.

- Having a headache and period cramps are the worst I swear, you mutter under your breath, taking a big inspiration only to wince when you feel the contractions.

- Today's really not your day ma girl, she shakes her head, going through her bag to find a potential pill that could helps you.

- Let's go in class, it's about to start, » you take her extended hand that was giving you the med and walk to class, steps galloping in fear of being late.

Mrs So was already in the classroom, spreading her books and belongings and not even after being seated, she began her lesson. You quickly ate the med while rummaging through your bag to pull out your belongings.

« Pssst Y/N, »

It was one of your classmate, in whom you never really spoke. The way her eyes glinted in curiosity was slowly freaking you out. You knew what she wanted to know.

« No, we aren't dating, don't misunderstand the pic, you respond drier than attended and not even sparring her a glance making it look even more rude.

- Okay okay sorry for wasting your time, you could hear the sarcastic tone with an eye roll, not that you really care. What a boring girl you are, why would he choose you instead of me? »

You silently sighed, it's not your fault if his flirty ass was in front of your house at 1 A.M. But maybe you shouldn't have approached him and just should've shut him down and go to sleep like nothing happened.

« Ladies at the right, stop talking, warns Mrs So.

- It's Y/N, she can't keep her mouth shut, she said, voice filled with sarcasm.

- Huh? Are you talking about you?

- Tch, what are you five?

- Yup five times smarter than you, you proudly smile, the whole class hyping you.

- YOU-

- Mrs Park, this is your last warning, stares Mrs So.

- I'll kill you Marilyn Monhoe, she lastly whisper.

- At least I'm hot, » you quietly say, hearing the snickers of some of your classmates.

Internally, you were screaming because how in hell someone spotted you with THE Lee Heeseung? This just made you exasperated and more determined to have less contact with him...

Days had passed and you were avoiding Lee Heeseung like plague. The latter did not understand your behavior as he was secretly longing for you.

Following you with his eyes each time you happened to walk by him. His friends, except one were looking at him with a grin, they knew oh how much Heeseung wanted to own you, well the reason was unknown to them, but the way he was devouring you with his eyes spoke enough for them to know you were his prey.

In fact, Lee Heeseung has been infatuated by you the day he saw you rejecting one guy. The latter was known for being a real playboy in disguise, playing the Prince Charming to get girls. We could say he and Heeseung were sworn enemies, competing over who could catch more girls. So when you turned the guy down, it only created a spark in Heeseung, the desire to win you invading his brain. If he could have you, he could brag about it to the loser who failed, gaining yet a tingle of pride. At first, winning you and throwing you like an old rag was all he could think of, yet what he didn't expected, was the fact you were *actually* attractive and interesting. He felt like you were an unpolished gem, a precious diamond that didn't showcase its spark yet. In his head he was the miner, you were the diamond, he had to polish you, to make you shine.

일곱.

« K-kiss you, t-touch you, w-want you »

« Make me love you »

Soon enough, seeing and thinking that Lee Heeseung's attention on you was finally finished, you lowered your guards and peacefully lived your life, knowing the only person you needed in your social circle was Young-Hee.

*Ding*

The sound of your phone makes you freak out as you take it out of your bag. Speaking of the devil, Hee has just send you a message, claiming she was feeling sick and won't be able to come in class.

« Is this for real? The exact moment I think about her, she's sick, this girl I swear, » you sigh.

Young-Hee was the type of girl who got rarely sick, so it feels empty to eat alone in a classroom. You thought that it could bring you peace and to be honest, you didn't want to be looked at for eating alone. So here you were, eating alone in a classroom, just minding your business.

« Oh, did I just caught a fish eating alone? » a voice resonated in your ears, breaking the pleasant silence you were in.

Immediately perking your head, your gaze falls upon the ice skater. His tall frame was leaning against the door, his arms crossed with one hand holding a drink.

His eyes had looked you from toes to head, analyzing every details and to be fair, made you slightly uncomfortable. His grin and teasing eyes just made you feel self conscious and you looked away, a slight blush creepig up your face.

« I didn't expect you to be here... What brings you here? you ask softly, resuming on eating your lunch.

- I saw you eating alone, so I thought I could keep you compagny, are you okay with this? » he says, already making his way to take the chair in front of you, pulling it so the back could rest against your desk. He finally plopped down on the chair, facing you directly, propping his forearm on the top of his chair.

- Well... looks like you already eased yourself here, beside, who am I to tell you no? You suck in a sigh, his intense gaze was just urging you to hide in a hole and to never get out of it.

- We didn't get to finish our conversation last time, so why not catching it up now? he asks, looking at the window, the sun rays shining on his handsome face, did he thought he was in a drama? Even the breeze was a paid actor as it made your hair and his leisurely dancing.

- Hum... I'm kinda an awkward girl, you may go on your way...you mutter, dumbfounded as to why someone like him would want to have a conversation with a girl like you, trying to escape guys like death.

- It's okay l'm awkward too, » he chuckles to himself, his head lowering slightly as he does.

Gosh he was beautiful, what did he ate to be this handsome?

« Sung- », a voice called but immediately stopped.

Lee Heeseung was there, and the scene before his eyes was like a bad dream. His close friend, Park Sunghoon is having a face to face conversation with the girl he's trying so hard to catch the attention. Heeseung wondered why it looks easy for his friend to talk to you, he did not understand at the moment why you weren't hostile towards him. If one day Heeseung was being told he got jealous over one of his friend, he would have just laughed it off, shaking his head while mumbling some incoherent things on how it is impossible for him to feel that way.

« What is it hyung? » asks Sunghoon, clearly aware of his senior's intentions with you.

« Well... I didn't expect you two to be together, his eyes were locked on your figure, long time no see Y/ N, » he smiles at you, closing the distance between you three. You couldn't be in a more embarassing situation. Firstly, the tension could be felt from miles, secondly, you never asked to be talked to, and finally, how can it be so hard to be alone these days?

Feeling uneasy, both by their intimidating gazes and their presence, you shakily release a sigh.

« I don't know what I did to you guys... what do you want from me? » you ask, on one hand, not wanting to know their answer, and on the other one, craving to know what their full intentions were.

« Didn't I told ya already? I want you to race with me, » he says nonchalently, shrugging his shoulders.

« And I was clear about it, I don't wanna do it, » you sigh, not really knowing how to formulate your words so he could give it up.

« Racing with Heeseung could be dangerous, that's why I'm never riding with him, » says softly Sunghoon, his expression betraying his voice. But it ceased when his attention finally focused itself on you, the older man glaring at him.

« Don't act like you are not riding like him, » your brows creased, not impressed.

« I don't do cars races, I swear on my lovely dog, » he lifted his hands up, claiming his innocence.

« I don't wanna drive with either of you two, you sigh, closing your eyes, what did I do for you two to want me to ride with you? There's plently of girls in the campus! »

At this point they didn't know if you were really clueless or if you were doing this on purpose. It was as clear as water that Lee Heeseung and Park Sunghoon were hitting on you. We couldn't really blame you: never got confessed, never got a boyfriend, never had male friends after Sunoo so yes, what is love anyways?

Heeseung thought for a while, trying to find a way to make you agree. When the idea comes to him, he smiles brightly and stand in front of you, looking down at you with a smirk.

« How about I buy you those pretty pencils from this one shop near the campus? I noticed that you have a lot of them, » he smiles, proud.

Touché, you felt blocked, because as much as you want to deny it, you always had a things for books and stationery stores. You took care of the esthetic of your belongings and it didn't go unoticed by Lee. Gritting your teeth, your head became fuzzy as well as your thoughts, the tentation was high but a side of you keep reminding you that he was Lee Heeseung, the campus' playboy. You failed to catch the smile of Sunghoon sightly faltering. Freak, Heeseung got a step ahead, and you, who were usually direct to reject him, was now hesitating.

The first time Park Sunghoon came visiting the new city he was gonna moved in, he didn't thought much of it. His introvert character made it hard for him to open up to people. Only on his friends he could lean on and they were everything he needed. Sunghoon didn't planned on falling in love. Indeed he was known for being quite the heartless and cold guy, ignoring confessions and not showing a bit of interest in the opposite gender. His sister and mom were enough for him, he didn't need other women in his life than his family. But fate worked against him when he saw a young girl from his age, crouching near a dog while patting it. His eyes traveled up to see the longstanding crusty letters that formed the two words « Animal center » written on an old building, dilapidated enough to imagine it was there for many years. The girl was standing just behind the opened gate, talking sweetly with the dog in front of her. She looked like she was the happiest on Earth, in her own bubble as her soft chuckles resonated in the silence of the street. Sunghoon was too stunned to speak a word, clearly dazed by the scenery painted in front of his eyes. The golden hour made it look even more beautiful than it was already, melting his icy heart the more he was watching you.

« HUM... Can I help you? » Sunghoon heard a voice calling out to him, stopping him from his dazy state and regaining consciousness. The sight of you was nowhere to be seen as an old granny, smiling softly at him, stood a few meters away from him, eventually blocking him from seeing you.

« Oh, hum, n-no... I was just passing by... » he answered, caught off guard and blushing from embarassment. He quickly bowed before hasting his steps out of sight. At this moment, he believed that he could never see you again.

So the day you splashed your milk onto his shirt, his anger immediately turned into surprise when he saw your face, the image of you patting the dog inked in his brain. He hadn't got the time to speak a word that you were already dashing out of his sight, handing him a tissue while looking down and walking past him.

« How long does a racing lasts? » You ask, reclaiming again Sunghoon's attention on you.

Watching as Heeseung heaved a sigh alongside a sly grin, his face showing nothing else but satisfaction and victory.

« It's tonight, midnight, I will pick you up at 11:30 PM » Heeseung smirks, eyeing you with fancy eyes.

« I didn't ask when it was, I asked about the duration, you sigh, besides I didn't even agreed, you stated and raised a brow at him.

- Yet. If you really wanted to refused you would have already told me no, he smiles, knowing he won, so tell me, are you coming or not? »

Gritting your teeth, you looked everywhere besides the two men in front of you, one eager to know your answer, certain you will say yes. The other, praying you will say no, his eyes not leaving yours.

« Y/N- », begins Sunghoon before getting cut of by Heeseung.

« Come on! First and last time I ask you to! »

« I really hate you... » you mutter enough for them both to hear.

« Shit… » thinks Sunghoon, completely devastated you agreed.

여덟.

« Every day, I enter into a different world

I was a butterfly, attracted to the temptation 

I’ve fallen into a sweet scent

How do I look ? »

Here you were, waiting for Lee Heeseung to come pick you up, your hands tightly grabbing the strap of your purse. Soon enough, you catch a glimpse of a car's headlights. Stopping just in front of you, the driver's door opened to reveal Heeseung. His hair was up, showing his forehead, wearing a dark blue baggy jeans, an oversize black t-shirt with a leather jacket. His looks were complimented by earrings and necklace. And on his face, a smirk was plastered. You could tell he loved what he was seeing.

« Here we go, Mrs Y/N, » he smiles, opening the passagenger's door for you, and you oblige, sitting inside his car. His car was impressive, a black Alfa Romeo Giulia quadrifoglio. « Perfect for his car's racings », you thought to yourself as your eyes wander on the illuminated dashboard. As much as your heart was beating loudly, a part of you was telling you that Lee Heeseung has made a special propose for you to drive with him made you feel unique, until the other part of your brain reminds you that the seat you're currently sitting on had tons of women on it. It gave you chills and a little frown make its place on your face as Heeseung finally eases himself beside you.

« Are you comfy? he asks before stopping himself when looking at your face, I feel like I just kidnapped you while you agreed to come with me. » He chuckles while you refused to look back at him, a small pout on your lips.

« Nothing, hurry so I can go home as fast as I can, » you mumble while looking at the window.

« Alright, received loud and clear. » He smiles before pressing his foot on the pedal, the car dashing at top speed.

You suppress a loud gasp when he does, firmly gripping anything you can grasp. Your heart that was already beating real fast feels like it could explose anytime. You could not even apprehend what was happening at the moment, the city flashing at an incredible speed, soon reaching the small-town.

You try not to pay too much attention on the way he has his left elbow on the ledge of the window, his fingers grazing his lips and the other hand, firmly seizing the steerwheel. Gosh why was he still attractive after all the troubles he did to you?

« Liking the view my lady? » he says, snapping you out of your trance.

« I would be pleased if I could get another one right now. » You answer without missing a beat.

All you recolted was his laugh filling the tensed silence.

« I can say you give your trust easily Y/N, he stated with a grin, you really do look like those children who are seen being proposed some candies by a total stranger, he looks at you for a few seconds before looking back at the road, fallen into the trap. »

«I-, » you tried to answer back but couldn't say anything as it was true.

The rest of the trip was spent in the silence as a soft music played in the background. You were feeling uncomfortable. Mainly because you were not expecting to spend a soiree with a man and mostly Lee Heeseung.

You finally arrived when you see an infinite amount of cars alongside cheerful people, suddenly feeling self-consicous about the situation you're in right now. You didn't think about the fact that Lee Heeseung was very well known in town and so, that everyone surely already knew it was him by the sight of his car. As Heeseung parked right in front of a crowd, he turns his head to look at you. « Just be natural pretty, you will mak’em all speechless » he whispers smoothly, you took a deep breathe, nodding quickly before going out of the vehicule.

« Yo man, came with your new chick? Whistle a man upon seeing you, his eyes roaming up and down your silhouette.

- Yup, m'racing with her tonight, » grins proudly Heeseung, glancing back at you with a glint in his eyes while you roll yours up.

You then noticed how people were staring at you, mixed reactions coming up as you try not to pay attention to it. However, in the corner of your eyes, you notice a familiar body. Park Sunghoon. He was standing alongside the rest of the band. His eyes were fixed on you, a frown visible on his features. This made you uncomfortable. To be honest, everything made you self-conscious and anxious. This wasn't something you were used to, all the ruckus, this seems like another world to you and the dryness in your throat wasn't helping.

« Everyone! I'm gonna list all the races of tonight! » announces a slender men wearing a pair of sunglasses even though it was pitch dark, his long hair hiden behind a red cap.

Soon, everyone turned their attention towards him, listening actively to what he was saying.

« And for the last race, we will have Lee Heeseung against a new opponent! Tonight signs his first participation! Please, welcome Park Sunghoon! » he screams happily as he gestures towards the said man, standing not so far away from you, screams soon invading your ears as your eyes were fixed on him.

You notice the way his face remains close, not a single emotion discernible except for determination. And as your eyes cross each other, a firm grip on your hip made you look up, a low angle-shot of Heeseung's side profile entering your vision.

« Stop staring at him and focus on me. He says lowly only for you to hear.

- And who are you to order me that? You answer him, an eyebrow arched, surprising yourself at the way you could respond with confidence.

- Consider tonight like a date. He grins, finally looking down at you, his eyes flickering between your lips and your eyes.

- ...Tch. » You sigh. You really felt into his trap.

When your turn finally came, your hurriedly walk to go to Heeseung's car, but not before a hand gripped your forearm, yanking you slowly back.

« Can we talk real fast before going? You recognize his voice, it's Sunghoon.

- Okay... but quick. You nod along before isolating yourself with him, Heeseung watching afar not really liking what he is seeing, but the crowd around him make it impossible for him to reach out to you.

- Fuck. » He curses under his breath, feeling his blood boiling in his veins.

Being now a few meters away from all these people, Sunghoon halt his steps and turns around, his eyes immediately falling on your delicate features.

« Listen-

- Sunghoon-, you both started at the same time. He quickly gestures you to keep going as you heave a sigh, why? Why are you participating in this race ? Weren't you the one saying it was dangerous? You frown, your arms crossing against your chest.

- I know, I'm sorry I just... I just.. I think I just can't trust Heeseung hyung with you. He spoke, his words faint as if he was searching for his words. Thanks for the darkness of the sky, you couldn't decipher his red cheeks and ears nor even the way his eyes were looking everywhere but you.

- And why so? » You tilt your head, ignoring the reason behind this reasoning.

Your eyes were fixed on his face as he looks right back at you, determination written on his face.

« Because I… »

You were now in Heeseung's car, your heart beating crazily against your ribcage.

« What happened with Sunghoon? the driver asks, tone colder than a few hours ago.

- Nothing concerning you, you answer slowly, the name of the other man making you anxious.

- Y/N, what did Sunghoon told you? » Heeseung repeats, his voice a bit menacing as he places his car on the left side of the track, a gorgeous woman standing at your right with two flags in her hands. Soon, another vehicule stops just beside you. Not wanting to face Heeseung, you look at the window only to meet Sunghoon's fierce gaze. Your cheeks reddening, you quickly look in front of you, breath stuck in your chest.

« Well, if I win, you better tell me, he scoffs, foot on the pedal, pressing it hardly, both cars' motors roaring up.

- No, you frown, your hands clasping against the belt.

- It wasn't a question, » he finally says as a loud sound comes from an air horn signalling the start of the race.

Your words got stuck in your throat as the car dash at an alluring speed, your hands quickly grabbing the door's handdle to keep yourself steady.

« Fuck you Lee Heeseung for pulling me in this shit, you curse, feeling like your heart could explode anytime.

- The pleasure is mine baby, he smirks, shooting a glance in the rearview mirror, seeing as Sunghoon was close behind you, I can't believe it's his first time, you don't drive like this on your first time, he chuckles lowly, accelerating.

- Well, don't blame me if I end up barfing in your car, you say, breathless as he took a sharp turn on the left, your head almost colliding harshly against the window.

- Mark your territory pretty, » he only chuckles loudly.

It was a close race, one you couldn't tell who will win. And to be honest, you were more on the verge of throwing up and dying than to take care on who was winning. The only thing you could do was to focus on your breathe, cursing here and there and wondering why on earth did you accept to accompagny him, for what? Some dumb stationnary things you could buy yourself?!

In no time, you heard another loud bang of air horn, concluding the end of the race. Your eyes previously closed, opened slowly to reveal the crowd cheering for you.

« Did you win? You ask, voice weak and wet.

- Yup, I won baby, » the playboy declares, quickly opening his door as people were cheering loudly for him.

He quickly blend into the crowd, happily celebrating his victory as you got out of the vehicule, running to a secret corner to throw up. Coughing, tears in your eyes, you felt a striking pain in your head.

« I hate this man so much... kof kof... » you blabber, wiping your mouth with the hem of your hoodie.

You hurriedly dash out of the car once the latter stops in front of your house. The ride back was silent as you had closed your eyes all along, not answering the winner even once.

« Hey, Heeseung spoke, after stepping out of his car too, hands in his pockets, he makes his way towards you, a grin evident adorning his face, care to explain what had happened between you and Sunghoon now that I won?

- No. And after this night, I think I hate you even more, you spat, tiredness written all over your face.

- All right all right, what did I even do this time? he smirks, coming closer to you, his scent invading your nostrils as the wind carries his perfume.

- I... I freaking threw-, » you said before feeling another wave of vomit climbing back up your esophagus, your hand clasping against your lips.

Seeing your state, Heeseung couldn’t help but laugh out loud, his bright smile making you blush.

« It’s alright, just throw up, » he snickers as you walk fast away from him, crouching down near the drain in front of your house. Soon enough, you throw up once more, feeling breathless and thirsty. You then feel two warm hands tying your hair up in a makeshift ponytail, then a delicate hand massaging the back of your neck.

« I’m sorry I had to put you through this, but I had to win, » he smiles, his eyes inked to the back of your head as you cough, a few tears escaping your eyes.

Lee Heeseung, apologizing? This does not goes together very well. But why does he sound so sincere? Did he really meant those words?

« And for what? What did you won? » You ask, spitting not so gracefully in the drain, feeling well aware of his eyes on you, at this point you couldn’t care because your head was throbbing so painfully that receiving a bullet in your skull was the only solution you could think of.

« I was wishing for a chance with you actually, he said unbothered while you choked on your own saliva.

- Are you kidding me? You say, your throat so dry you feel like all the water in your body left you when you threw up.

- Nope, I want you. » he said, crouching down next to you, his fingers cupping your jaw to make you look at him. His thumb coming up to wipe off the saliva at the corner of your lips, the movement making you dizzy.

In the breezy night, it felt like only you and Lee Heeseung remained on Earth as time seems to have stopped. His eyes were hypnotizing you, your breathing stopping as you contemplate each other. For a second, your mind sure felt bewitched by his pupils. You felt like you were drunk, was it the effect of your periods? The fatigue? The stress? Or was it simply because of him?

« Make me love you… you breathed out, quietly.

- Mh? He only hums, slowly approaching his face closer to yours.

- If you so want me… then try to make me love you… you whisper, your ears and cheeks turning crimson as your heartbeat pounded furiously.

- Are you allowing me to? Because once I start, there’s no turning back, and… I will not accept any complain coming from your pretty lips » he mutters, his eyes closing slowly.

On the contrary, your eyes opened wildly, is he really going to kiss you? Like, right now? Your thoughts invaded your brain and without thinking twice, you quickly pushed him away, both your hands on his toned chest before getting up and running towards your house.

« I threw up! You say embarrassed as you fidget with your purse while searching for your keys.

- Wouldn’t have bothered me… » he mumbles to himself as he chuckles, a smirk plastered on his face as he watches you, hands in his pockets.

아홉.

« Farther, a little bit farther, high in the sky

I’ve come a white star as I fly away

Never seen it before 

(Such warm eyes) »

You sigh in relief as you remember that it was Saturday.

« Finally alone! » You huffed softly, stretching out on your bed as birds are chirping.

Thanks to your great organisation, you already did all your homework too, so the weekend will be pretty chill. As you were humming contently, memories of what happened last night flew in your head and you quickly hide your tomato face in your cushions, screaming your frustration out.

« Are you okay girl? A deep voice asks.

- Huh? You’re back?! You instantly lift your head up to look up at your big bro, standing against the door of your room.

- Yup. Why did you screamed like a dead hen? Did you realized you’ll be single for the rest of your life? He grins mockingly.

- Shut up you cow! You spoke back, yeeting a pillow in his direction which he avoids easily.

- Breakfast’s ready, move yo ass down. » He smiles, satisfied before going down the stairs.

Fortunately for you, the breakfast went smoothly, catching up with your brother and spending time with your family is something you particularly enjoy.

« Someone threw up in the drain just in front of our house, if I catch them I’ll send them to Hades! Rumbles your dad as your face turn pale and you gulp down.

- If only you knew Dad… you thought to yourself, once again remembering Heeseung’s lips near yours.

- Hey, why are ya red like this? Smirks your brother, teasing you for the ninth time.

- Eggs are hot, you try to dissuade him, glaring.

- They’ve been on your plate for an hour what do you mean they’re hot? Liar. » He replies back, an eyebrow cocked, not believing you one bit.

You just snort and keep on eating, missing the way your brother’s stare remained on you for a bit longer than usual, examining your face.

**Buzz buzz**

The table trembles slightly as your phone vibrates. All eyes on you as you check your notifications. Some messages from an unknown number. Well…. Not so unknown if you’re being honest because you knew exactly who it was.

« Answer, grins your brother.

- No phone at the table. Strictly orders your mom.

- Mom, your daughter is probably seeing your future son-in-law, snickers your brother which earns a small kick from you under the table, ouch! Why so violent sis?

- The day my daughter will have a boyfriend will be the day your father will stops snoring, your mother chuckles as your phone keeps vibrating, Y/N answer the poor boy.

- …, you watch every member of your family before sighing, okay…, » you mumble, taking your phone and walking away.

You then isolated yourself in the kitchen, a groggy voice reaching your eardrums.

« Hey beautiful, he greets you, the raspy voice being a clue of his recent awakening.

- What? You answer drier than intended, making him chuckle.

- Do you feel better? He asks, his eyes closed as your voice soothe his heart.

- Yes… thank you… for holding up my hair…, you mumble shyly, suddenly embarrassed about the fact you actually threw up before a human other than your family.

- Are you free? I want to see you. His tone sounded so pleading, you thought for a second.

- …Let’s buy what you had promised me, you whisper softly, unconsciously smiling.

- All right, will be here in 20, » he says, making a kissing sound before hanging up.

Your cheeks flushed when you realized he sent you a flying kiss. Before quickly shaking your head and slapping your cheeks. « Get your shot together Y/N! » you think to yourself.

« It was cheesy sis, sneers your brother peeking through the door, I actually can’t believe my sister has a date like right now, by the way can you run some errands for me? I will send you by texts. Thank you! He quickly says before disappearing.

- This kid I swear, I wonder if I’m not the older sister sometimes. » You roll your eyes up before quickly preparing yourself.

« Is it a date? Is it not? » After all, Heeseung did promised to buy you some stationery items, right? So he was just fulfilling his promise, right? So why couldn’t you stop the speed of your heart nor the unstopping back and forth thoughts in your head? Twenty minutes flew by in an instant and you were nervously waiting for him in front of the gates.

A loud roaring takes your attention as you search for the familiar car of last night. Here you see Heeseung’s impressive car, stopping in front of you.

« Tut-tut-tut, before you go lemme do a small check, cut off your dad, surprisingly standing next to you, I gotta see who is taking my daughter away from me.

- Dad it’s not a date..! You mumble between gritted teeth as you watch anxiously the way Heeseung got out of his car to come to you.

- That’s what your mom told her dad on the first date with me, he scoffs before examining Heeseung from head to toe.

- Good morning, I’m Lee Heeseung, » the latter says, extending his hand after bowing politely to your dad.

Your dad only shakes the younger man’s hand, his grip strongly engulfing Heeseung’s one. He puts some more pressure on his grip before Heeseung tightens his too making your dad chuckles shortly.

« 11 PM, not one second more, » he just said before turning his heels away and going back home.

You scoff at what he said, rolling your eyes up.

« I‘ll be home earlier than that, » you shake your head in disbelief.

Lee Heeseung could only smile as he opens the door for you, before going to the driver seats and driving you two in direction of your favorite shop.

열.

« Deeply place me in your universe

(I’ll close my eyes) 

Take me far away

And make me love you »

8 PM, you couldn’t believe your eyes as you saw the time. Did you just spent a whole day with the man you thought hated from your deepest guts? The day flew by so quickly you did not even noticed it. And you hated to admit it but you had a great time with him. It almost felt too real to be true.

You were sitting on a bench, facing a lake as some shopping bags were at your feet, a respectable distance between you and Heeseung.

**Buzz buzz**

Your phone vibrates as you were staring at the female duck and her children swimming in the water.

« Ayo sis, I’m sending you what I need, just go to the 24/7 store! Thank you! » was the text your brother sent you before a list followed right after.

« - Cigarettes

- Lighter

- Candies

- Lube

- Condoms- »

You cough out loud, almost throwing out your phone in the lake as you saw the two last items he needed.

« Is everything okay? Heeseung asks with a small frown upon seeing you coughing badly.

- Y-yeah…yeah yeah… you chuckle it off, looking elsewhere but him.

- Do you want to go home? I will drive you-

- No actually I need to buy some stuff for my brother you can go ahead, I’ll go home alone, you smile sheepishly.

- Your dad’s gonna kill me if he ever learn I let you go home alone, Heeseung responds, and he was right, besides, I do want to drive you home, » he smiles softly, grazing his eyes over your features.

You could only sigh. Secretly noticing how the Lee Heeseung you knew in college wasn’t the same one standing in front of you.

« Well… why should I be shy since you saw me spitting out my intestines? You finally say before standing back up on your feet. Let’s go, » your turn to face him, his eyes staring up at you.

You didn’t noticed the awkward feeling right away but now it was eating you up as you were in the aisle presenting every brand of condoms that existed.

« Did I miss a hint from you? Smirks Heeseung, a box of condoms in his hand as he fixes the product.

- Stop it, I already want to bury myself alive right now, you whisper lowly, checking your surroundings like a psycho every two seconds, checking if someone is witnessing you.

- Should I help you out? These ones are great, he said, pointing a particular brand on a shelf.

- God, I didn’t have to know! You bite down on your lower lip, heat quickly spreading across your cheeks and your chest.

- And for the lube, take this one, » he says softly, ignoring your words, his body suddenly behind you as he reaches for a box of lube, the proximity making you breathless.

It seems like you stopped working as you couldn’t answer him nor move. So Heeseung took the matter in his hands and grabs the necessary items in one hand and your own hand in his other before leading you to the cashier. He then puts down the items that were quickly scanned by the young lady, eyeing you not so secretly.

« 28080.55₩, announces the lady.

- W-what?! Twenty thousand freaking won for some condoms and lube?! You thought to yourself before a little sound comes from the POS machine, indicating that the payment was done.

- Thank you! Have a great night! Bow the cashier before you couldn’t even process anything.

- Let’s go, » says Heeseung, grabbing the plastic bag and your hand, leading you outside.

You only snapped back to reality once the cold wind hit your face.

« Why did you paid for it?! And why did you choose the most expensive ones?! Twenty thousand won for condoms and lube were not worth it!

- If we want to do it correctly, the price is not important, he grins, tilting his head curiously.

- It’s not for me! You blush furiously, looking away and walking towards his car, let’s go home now.

- Should we eat a bit before I drive you home? He offers.

- …Then let me pay for it, you suggest after taking a few seconds to think.

- Alright princess, » he smiles as you both enter his car.

Like promised, Lee Heeseung let you pay for the dinner. You didn’t know if he was doing it on purpose or not, but his menu was cheaper than you, almost making you believe that he didn’t wanted you to pay a crazy amount.

« Are you sure this will be enough? You only took some fries and a soda… you mutter, looking down at his tray.

- Don’t worry, just eat, he shakes his head, plopping one fries in between in lips, slowly munching on it as he stares at the window.

- Here… you extend your untouched burger close to his mouth, your lips in a thin line. Hurry before I take it out. »

Heeseung looks at you with wide eyes before a warm smile spread onto his lips, holding onto the eye contact as he bites in the burger. His hand engulfs yours placed on the burger as he munches slowly. You then noticed how his fingers are long and slim, bigger than yours.

« Liking the view? His words seemed oddly familiar, reminding you of the scenes that happened earlier this weekend, finding it odd how everything changed in only a week.

- It’s not too bad, you answer boldly this time, keeping the eye contact.

- Want to see more? He grins.

- Nope, no more, don’t cross the line, you suddenly stopped him, his eyes going wide, a shocked expression before he burst out laughing, what? You ask, in disbelief.

- Nah you’re just cute, » he says, his chin on his palm, watching you endearingly as you eat your burger.

You stopped in front of your house’s gates, turning around.

« Thank you, I guess? » You say in a sigh.

Heeseung comes close to you, taking the bags from your hands and putting them down.

« I’ve never in my life waited this long, he mumbled, hands clasping around yours.

- For what? You ask a bit incredulous, palms sweating as the unusual feeling creeping in your chest comes again.

- After everything I’ve done to you, you’re still clueless of my intentions? I even said it to you multiple times already, he chuckles, incredulously.

- It doesn’t change the fact that you’re a playboy Heeseung…

- Do you want me to stop? He grins, a loving beam in his eyes.

- And what if you do? You answer back, looking up at him, getting lost in his eyes.

- Then I can have you for myself, he whispers, leaning dangerously close to you.

- I don’t know… you speak softly, voice fainter and fainter.

- If I give you something you longed for ever since, will you let me kiss you? He stares deeply in your eyes, searching for any hints of rejection, none besides hesitation.

- Depends… » you say, not really sure what he meant by that.

He fiddles with something in his pocket before a too familiar stringed bracelet comes into your field of view: the one your childhood’s friend gifted you, your anti stress.

« How…

- It fell when you were escaping Jake the other day, he gave me this and I knew it belonged to you when you came back searching for it, he whispers as he ties it back around your wrist.

- Thank you… for the day… for the bracelet, you trail off, not taking your eyes off from the simple but precious accessory on your wrist.

- It’s okay… he murmurs, his finger lifting your chin up, so is that a yes? You’re not going to reject me now, right? You didn’t threw up nor-

- Hurry up before I change my mind! You hiss, blushing and hitting his chest lightly.

- I love you. »

His words caught you off guard as his lips meet yours in a sweet kiss. Warmth spreading everywhere in your body as you felt butterflies in your stomach. Kissing Lee Heeseung was so easy, he made it so easy by taking the lead, kisses intoxicating your trail of thoughts.

His gentle bite on your bottom lip made you gasp, his wet muscle quickly claiming yours in a burning tango.

From his point of view, Heeseung sneakily slide his hands on your hips, grabbing them firmly as he practically presses his body to yours. His eyes half opened to see the way your eyes fluttered or the way your cheeks flushed. His heart couldn’t take any more of it, pounding in sync with yours.

« Gosh you make me go insane Y/N… he whispers against your lips, heavy breathing as you both seems in a trance, forehead finally joining.

- I hate you…you lie, looking away.

- You’re so sneaky Y/N, » he chuckles, ready to capture your lips for another kiss.

A loud gasp emitted from behind you as you quickly step away from Heeseung, turning around to see your brother.

« Sorry to interrupt but… Lil sis, do you have my condoms? »

« K-kiss you, t-touch you, w-want you »

« Make me love you »

END.

Your Highness!

We are delighted to see you here!

After a long break, our Queen had finally decided to wake up and had works her magic again!

She charged me to inform you about her ongoing activities! Lots of things are happening so we are hoping you will enjoy them!

Apologizing for taking so long to come back, we wish you a happy day.

- Butler of the castle.

[deadlittledogs]

I present to you my humble accounts for today:

I emerged from my coffin around 11pm, my head pulsating from the prior days dehydration. I stayed up until 3am playing an erotic video game and doing the worm on my carpet to get rug burns for fun and I went the whole day without drinking water I guess. In my dream I was lost in a downtown area and old people were poking me with sticks and giving me money. I used the money to take a plane and was excited at seeing snowy mountain peaks down below.

For breakfast I had waffles and sausage and my parasitic twin brother and I yelled at each other the whole time we were cooking and threatening to void the other sibling of their respective nutrients. After we were both fat and happy (and therefore no longer angry) we crawled into our vestigial yolk sac's and watched 3 hours of South Park together.

We decided to go outside because I was constipated and drove aimlessly in a random direction. Going through farmland, we were occasionally hit with the pungent, putrid stench of rotting cow shit. My brother kept hitting his 'orange creamsicle' geek bar in the passenger seat beside me so the whole car smelt like milk and manure.

“Next year I need to get more 'Yaoi',” he tells me. “Will you shave my feet so I look less like a guido?”

I nod in agreement. I’m prepared to make that mental sacrifice and I am an excellent sibling-type creature after all. 2025 is the year of yaoi and we’re both going to become more and more moe until we explode everybody with our telepathic mind powers.

We arrive at the mountains and go through winding roads dusted with debris from the wind. I feel sick, because sometimes when I go places it can feel like I’ve been there before but 'not really'. This area of Washington is completely new but the way the earth looks and the way the heavy gales shove at my boxy car feels both familiar and unfamiliar all at once. It feels like an odd dream I'm just only beginning to remember, but I am in control so I don’t mention it. I drive us deeper into it's unknown girth.

We find a spot called ‘Silver Lake’.

Exiting the car, the wind rustles at my clothing and my hair whips around my face; nothing on me going untouched as I'm misted by a thin curtain of rain. All my nerves tingle at the full body touch; it feels like I’m being molested but in a good way.

We run and splash in the puddles. “I’m 30 years old” I say, and I chase a goose for fun. The lake is deep and green and you can see thick stalks of algae and pondweed below. It's tempting to swim in it but my body is already in a chill, steady on it's way to becoming soaked. We find an unoccupied rental cabin and curiously, I find the door already open. I push it just a smidge with my finger, eager to see the inside of it, and quickly spot a man lurking in the darkness barely illuminated by the shine of his phone. I leave, quickly, unsure if I was noticed but embarrassed nonetheless that it seemed like I was trying to break rules (and was almost caught).

We run in the mud for a bit longer but the rain is really coming down now, so we leave, and we drive all the way back home with our hair curling at the tips.

I make a bowl of canned lentil soup after arriving to help with my regularity, and my brother puts on the episode of South Park where everyone barfs for 20 minutes. It’s not the best combo for this kind of soup.

Almost instantly I get the devil in me and I write this as I warm up my feet from the cold bathroom floor. A cleansing was due after all, so I’m not too traumatized. One day I think my future captive will be extremely pleased with how often I need to lock myself in the bathroom for 3 straight hours to do unspeakable things to the poor, honest toilet-chan.

Overall, it was an okay day, and tomorrow I will shed myself of my pus and shit and skin and walk naked through the city, hell at my fingertips and the holy spirit leaking from the engorged blood vessels in my eyes. Don’t even get me started on my awesome bush.

I hope this entry finds you well.

Your's truly,

Bear-kun.

[milkmaaaaaan]

I'm getting real tired of people fucking with my friends and their mental health. Just in general like yeah this is spured on by a specific person but God. Is it so hard to just be normal about each other like fucking Christ.

[annaelizabethhenry1]

Echoes from the Past - Chapter 2

Summary: River visits his grandfather post season 4 at the care home. The visits conjure memories of River’s childhood and teen years as he grapples with his grandfather’s declining mental health and how once he’s gone he’ll have no one left. Warning – spoilers for all four seasons.

A big thank you to my coven and our endless discussions about this fic and scenarios for Little River and the tough discussions around dementia. Writing may seem like a solitary endeavor, but its always a group effort - hugs and kisses to Alex @cillmequick and Dot @coffeeflavored <3

CHAPTER ONE

Chapter Two

As it was a long bank holiday weekend, River decided he’d stay at his grandfather’s house to make visiting him daily for the next few days simpler. The light was going down rapidly along the garden’s treeline and River hurried inside, clutching his bag of curry take-away. He flipped on the lights in the study and the kitchen. He also switched on the heating as it was freezing in the house. He missed the days when he would visit and the house was lit, warm with the fireplace crackling. Now the house was just an empty shell of its former self. It sat cold and dark, no life stirring from within it. 

As the radiators banged and hissed to life, River took out the curry, pulled a fork from a drawer and was about to sit down at the empty kitchen table and sighed. “God, how pathetic,” he muttered. Was this going to be his existence going forward, sad take away meals alone in a drafty house? He never realized how much he enjoyed his grandfather’s company until it had been taken from him. He took for granted the camaraderie they shared over the years. 

River walked back to the study with his curry and sat down in his usual chair as he couldn’t bring himself to sit in grandad’s as it would always be his even after he was gone. Mind you the chair River sat in used to belong to his Nan, but after she passed grandad told him it was his spot from now on which made it different. 

It was so quiet in the country compared to his noisy flat in London where there were always sirens, cars rushing by and people shouting. Just like when he first arrived here when he was almost seven, the silence made him feel lonely and isolated, like you’d survived some dystopian horror and only you were left. The silence hadn’t scared him for ages, but now it suddenly did because before even with the silence there was the chatter of his grandfather to fill the void and that was now missing.

River thought back to one of his first nights in the house. When everything seemed new and rather frightening. He’d never lived outside of London before nor had he ever stayed somewhere so fancy. It reminded him of how people on the telly lived. 

On the third night with his grandparents, River lay awake in his bed in what his grandparents called the guest room, but there was talk of making it more comfortable for him.  He wondered if that meant it would his room. He’d never had his own room before – usually he slept on a pull-out sofa or in a sleeping bag. He couldn’t fathom having a whole room that was just for him. Grabbing his bunny, he shuffled from under the cosy comforter and went to the window to look out.

River could not understand his grandparents yet. He always made a point to figure out how his mum’s latest boyfriend worked. What would upset them, what would make them happy or at least indifferent to him. With Nan especially, nothing seemed to trouble her. 

River whispered to Mr. Hoppinheimer, “I don’t get how they haven’t yelled at me yet. It’s been three whole days…I thought for sure when I spilled the milk today Nan would yell, but she didn’t.”

His grandparents were obviously older, but did this mean they yelled less or was it something else? An owl hooted in the tree near his window and River jumped. “What was that? A monster?”

The wind tossed the branches outside and one was close enough to scrap the house, scaring River further. He clutched his bunny while another sound echoed in the night sky and River shuddered as tears ran down his cheek.

River’s door creaked opened and light from the hallway poured in as his grandfather appeared, smiling. River quickly wiped the tears away, his mum hated it when he cried.

“River are you all right, lad?”

He shook his head no because he was scared and confused. River worried what his grandfather would do next. Best case he’d ignore him, worst he’d yell.

“Well we can’t have that,” David said coming into the room and turning a little lamp on that cast a soft glow about the room. 

His grandfather sat down at the edge of the bed closest to River, “Come sit next to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

River looked at this grandfather who smiled and patted the spot next to him. River hesitated, but went over and sat down. Grandad wrapped an arm around him, “Are you scared?”

“Yes, but I promised mum I wouldn’t be any trouble…”

“Oh, River my boy being scared isn’t causing trouble. You don’t have to worry anymore because I’m here to protect you, so is your Nan. We want you to be happy and we can’t do that if you don’t tell us how you feel, all right?”

Grandad pulled River closer and kissed the top of his head.

River didn’t know what to do. He felt so different. Like for the first time someone didn’t mind him being there. It was almost like they were happy he was here with them, especially his Nan.

“It’s so quiet here…but when I hear things…they scare me,” As if on cue the owl hooted. “Like that!” River snuggled into his grandfather’s sweater hoping he wouldn’t mind.

“Oh, that’s an owl. Tomorrow we’ll go out and investigate the garden and I’ll show you where the owls live and maybe if we’re lucky enough we’ll see an owl in the daylight as they usually hunt at night.”

“What’s investigate mean?”

“Explore. There’s so much to see around here. I can take you down the road to where the neighbours keep their horses. You’d like to see that, right?”

River brightened up. Someone wanted to do something especially for him. He didn’t understand it but he was glad his mum left him here. Mind you, he didn’t trust it yet, but this felt so different than what he was used to. 

“I like it here even if it’s scary at night.”

“It won’t be scary for long. You’ll get used to the different sounds. But you can always come to us if you’re scared. You don’t have to stay here afraid.”

“Won’t you be cross if I wake you?” River asked afraid he pushed too far.

“Cross? No, never.”

Grandad soothed River, tucked him back in, bunny and all and shut the light, but left the door open so he wouldn’t feel alone.

River thought wistfully on that moment, it was the first time he felt truly safe and loved. He knew recapturing that now was impossible given his grandfather’s condition. It also made him wonder if his grandfather was afraid when he was lucid, that he knew he was slipping away and couldn’t do anything about it. What could River do to soothe him? He had to find a way to comfort him after everything he had done for him. River knew his grandfather was flawed – more than ever now after finding out who his father was and what lay behind it. But still he owed him and deep down he knew his grandad had done his best for River all those years ago. 

River started as his mobile rang in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw Catherine’s name appearing on the screen. He thought it odd she’d call this late. He hoped everything was all right. “Hi Catherine. Is everything okay?” 

“Oh, hi River, yes. Just wanted to check in with you. I knew you said you were visiting David this weekend. I wondered if you had gone down.”

“Yeah, I did. He wasn’t so good today…he wanted to go home and then later he didn’t know who I was…”

“Oh, River…I’m so sorry. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. Why don’t you try bringing some photos over with you? Remember the article I sent you mentioned that often helps them as their minds often live in the past, so seeing photos of you when you’re younger might bring him around,” Catherine urged from the other end of the line.

“Right. I forgot about that. I’ll go find some when I finish my curry.”

“Take away again, honestly,” Catherine huffed.

River chuckled. “It’s not like I’m in the mood to cook.”

“My offer still stands.”

“I know. I’ll see how tomorrow goes,” River said.

Catherine Standish had offered to come by for the day and visit David as he was familiar with her from their “adventure” together after River left David with her when they perused by both the Park and an assassin.  

After River finished his curry and tidied the kitchen, he went upstairs to his grandparents’ room. The door creaked as it opened, turning the light on the room came to life. He looked around, everything was tidy. The bed made, the curtains closed, the furniture recently polished. He wished he could take credit for it, but right after he left his grandfather at the care home, Catherine came by to help organize things with River, which included a weekend of tidying-up the house as it was long overdue for some sprucing up. 

River opened the closet door, staring at the sparse contents as half of it was in the care home with his grandfather and the other space belonged to his Nan who’s clothes had been donated long ago. A box caught his eye on an upper shelf. It looked like a hat box that would’ve belong to his grandmother. Reaching up he removed it and was surprised by its weight. Placing it down on the bed, River opened the lid, “Oh, wow…” It contained cards, drawings and other ephemera River had made growing up. He had no idea his grandparents had saved these. They were bundled neatly unlike his own memory box. 

As he shifted the piles and removed them to the bed, he saw the weathered rocks he decorated for the garden when he seven or eight. Then there was the ‘Best Grandad’ pin River bought for him one Father’s Day. He held it for a moment remembering trying to pin it on his grandad’s sweater with his little fingers and being pricked by it. River smiled. Digging further he found a child sized watch with the face scratched. 

“He kept this?” River muttered feeling his face flush as he looked up at the ceiling blinking back tears. The battered watch held a special memory for River, it was the catalyst in his bonding early on with his grandad. 

River had been with his grandparents almost a month when they presented him with a very cool digital watch that had a special little button that made it light up in the dark. He’d only taken it off to have baths since he received it, but one Sunday evening he realized it was missing from his wrist. He was seized by panic - his grandparents would be so disappointed in him if he already lost the watch. 

While he was still trying to understand his grandparents, River knew this was definitely the type of thing that would lead to yelling – it had to. He lost far less precious things when he was with his mum and she got so cross, calling him careless. It was no wonder that she left him here. Now where would he go if his grandparents got tired of him losing things or being clumsy? But with no father, who would take him in next? River remembered watching Oliver on the telly a while ago and thought how horrible it would be to live on the streets being a thief. Would Fagan be nice to him? River doubted it as no one seemed to like him. He’d not be able to keep Mr. Hoppinheimer or his new bear Benjamin who had a very smart bowtie. 

“Wait! Maybe it’s in the bathroom!” River darted across the hallway into the loo. 

River looked on the floor, under the rugs, by the sink, and under the towels that were neatly stacked. It wasn’t anywhere. He was so crestfallen and slumped to sit on the cold, tile floor, scared to tell them he lost the watch. Near tears, River tried to take a breath, but could feel his chest tighten as he was near hyperventilating. He breathed in and out harder. He had to think, where had he gone today? The kitchen, dining room and study – oh the garden! 

Earlier before dinner he and his grandad went into the garden to check on the pots to see if anything sprouted up yet. Grandad even gave him gloves to put on that were too big for him. Maybe the watch fell off then.

Darting back across the hallway, River went into his room to put his shoes on and then realized how would he get out of the house without explaining to his grandparents why he was going outside? The house was very creaky, but he already knew which steps made the most noise as he liked playing a game where he avoided them hopping around.

Tip-toeing in the hall and down the stairs avoiding the creaky spots, River edged around the wall and poked his head into the study and spied his grandparents involved in their books while the fire crackled. Seeing they were occupied, he made a dash to the kitchen. River peered out the kitchen door noticing the light was fading fast. He went into what his Nan called the jumble drawer where random things like screwdrivers, tape measures and a small torch were kept. He slid it from the drawer noiselessly as possible. The doorhandle was an odd lever River hadn’t completely remembered how to use and it squeaked a little when he turned it the wrong way. His heart pounded as he froze. All he heard was ticking from the clock in the entry hall and a tiny throat clearing from his grandad. River sighed. He pulled the door open just enough for him to get out. He immediately dove out of sigh against the chilly stone wall. 

“Whew, okay that was close,” River mumbled as he turned the torch on and began his search around the clay pots.

Just as he looked between the last batch of flower pots with the torch he heard the kitchen door squeak shut. “NO!” River whispered turning quickly and arcing the torch beam into one of the windows. He hastily turned it off less to draw attention to the garden. River went on his hands and knees in the damp grass to hide when he noticed his missing watch in a tuft of high grass around one of the larger planters. 

River wrapped the watch around his wrist and proceeded to crawl back to the house to stay out of sight till he reached the back door. Slowly, he got up and peered through the metal and glass panes. The kitchen was dark, so no one was there. River turned the lever but met resistance. “It’s locked,” River whispered in a panic. Now what? He pushed on the door to see if it was stuck, but it didn’t budge. “Wait…the key under the yellow pot.” Nan told him about it in case he ever got locked out in the garden. He retrieved the key and ever so slowly turned it, hearing the click he breathed a sigh of relief and quickly returned the key under the pot and slinked back into the dark kitchen.

Just as he was about to make a dash to the stairs light flooded the room as his grandfather appeared from the pantry area, “River whatever have you been doing out in the garden in the dark?”

Grandad walked towards him and took the torch from a stunned River’s hand. “Well?”

This was it, he was done for, off to an orphanage for him or worse. “I…I…umm…” 

“David is everything all right, who are you talking to?” Nan shouted from the study.

“River, he came down for a glass of water,” Grandad coolly replied.

River was surprised his grandfather lied given he caught him sneaking around.

“River love, do you want a snack?”

“No, Nan, I’m not hungry, thanks!” River shouted back.

“So, what were you up to?”

River felt like he could trust being honest since his grandad just lied for him. “I lost my watch, Grandad. I went into the garden thinking it was there and it was,” River held up his wrist.

“Why didn’t you just ask? We would’ve looked with you, River.”

“Mum always said I was careless and I didn’t want you to be cross,” River said looking up at his grandad with those sad blue eyes. 

“My boy, we all lose stuff, wait till you’re my age, I misplace things all the time!”

Impulsively, River hugged his grandad around the waist, tight, which took David by surprise and he wrapped his arms around his grandson. “I have to say I’m impressed as I didn’t realize you left the house. I came to put my mug in the sink and noticed the door was open a little and closed it. Only when I saw the light did I realize you were outside. Always remember if you hear noise when sneaking about with a torch to turn it off immediately and then hide.”

River pulled away and looked up curiously at his grandfather, “What? You didn’t mind I did that then?”

“Well, best not tell your grandmother, she wouldn’t approve, but I see you’ve got potential,” he replied with a warm smile.

“What’s potential?” 

“Ah, in this case it means,” Grandad leaned in and whispered, “I think you could be a good spy one day.”

“Wow,” River managed.

“That’s between us, remember,” his grandad winked.

River tried to wink back but only achieved an awkward form a blinking which made his grandad chuckle.

The memory in retrospect was even more bittersweet than River liked to admit. The irony of him ending up in Slough House, being the biggest disappointment anyone could ever be to a grandfather who had been first desk. Maybe it was a good thing Grandad couldn’t remember things anymore, it saved him the embarrassment. 

**************************

David Cartwright shambled through the hallway that led back to his room. All the chatter from the dining room became too much for him. He was used to his home and the quiet, not constant yammering. Turning the knob to his room he heard his name called and twisted to find the small lady who always seemed happy coming at him. 

“Did you not want to play bingo?”

“Bingo’s for old people,” he responded turning back to his room and pushing the door open.

Orla chuckled. “Yes, of course and you’re clearly too young for that kind of thing. Would you like to play chess or checkers with me?”

David plunked down in the leather chair. “I hate all the noise, so no thank you.”

A lightbulb went off, he hated the dining room and rec room because it was too much for him. “We could play in here where it’s quiet. And maybe you’d like cup of tea, too?”

“Maybe…I used to play with River. I taught him to play chess. He never got very good at it, always was an impulsive player. Where is my boy?”

“He was here earlier at lunch, Mr. Cartwright.”

“I don’t remember. He hates me anyway. He only comes because of Rose.”

Orla was beginning to see the picture more clearly now. Not only was it just the dementia at play, but a family rift or misunderstanding. There wasn’t much time to repair this either given how quickly the dementia seemed to be progressing. “No, I spoke to him earlier, we had tea and cake together. He cares about you very much, I can tell. I think it’s hard for him to deal with his feelings. Let me get that chess set and come back, okay?” 

“Yes, whatever,” David mumbled.

Orla returned a short while later with a boxed chess set and Sylvie bearing a small tea tray. The two women set everything up near where David sat.

Finally sitting down across from David, Orla began to put the chess pieces on the board. “I’ve had a long day, it’s nice to sit down quietly here to be honest, I can see why you wanted to as well.” She knew that many dementia and Alzheimer’s patients became frazzled from too much stimulation depending on what stage their condition was in, but she did wonder about David as he seemed so sharp sometimes. She’d have to chat with River further about his thoughts as he was the best judge.

“Yes, well I’d rather be in my own quiet home.”

“Where would you be right now if you were home?”

“My study with my books and some whiskey.”

“Avid reader?”

“Yes.”

“I love Dickens. My favourite is the Pickwick Papers.” 

“That’s a terrible choice. Why not Bleak House or at least David Copperfield?

Orla smiled and continued to place the chess pieces down. “I like to be different. It’s his only truly humorous work and I do so love to laugh.”

David cracked a shadow of a smile. “I see you know how to set the board up. Let’s see how well you play.” 

“I’ wager you’ll route me in no time,” Orla said with a cheeky wink.

Orla knew she was far from a chess champion, but David Cartwright despite his age and mental health was still quite the chess player as within the hour she had been corned into checkmate. 

“Checkmate!” David said triumphantly.

“Ooo! Damn!” Orla said. “Sorry…”

“No, you’re within your right to swear. You weren’t paying attention to your bishop earlier hence you’re in this mess now. I always told River not underestimate the power of your bishops. Not that he ever listened either.”

“You love River very much, don’t you?”

“Of course, he’s my boy.”

Orla sat quiet for moment. She wanted to say that his grandson was his son in every way that truly mattered and I’m sure River felt he same way. She decided to push a little. “Yes, I can tell. You’re very proud of him I’m sure. Though I do wonder why you think he doesn’t care for you.”

David’s face changed, Orla saw it immediately. She lost him. Damn!

“Yes, well he left me here to die,” David said gruffly, pushing the little card table with the chess set towards Orla.

“He did that to keep you safe. I know it’s not easy to admit, but sometimes we need help.”

“Help? This is what you call this hotel hospital environment? We’ve all been left here to die because someone who loved us just can’t be bothered.” He crossed his arms and turned his face away.

Orla did hate to admit that she had seen many people left at care homes who had no visitors and it always broke her heart. But this wasn’t the case for David Cartwright. His grandson cared a great deal. “May I call you David?” he shrugged in response. “David, your grandson is a busy man with a career and no doubt a personal life and he just can’t quit his job and stay with you as you do really need constant support to ensure you don’t get hurt.”

“I’d rather die than be here.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way. Maybe when River comes by tomorrow it’ll make you feel better about all of this. I’ll get Sylvie to help you to bed if you’re ready. Maybe you can watch some telly or I can get you a book from the library.”

“Just leave me alone!” He said much louder than he intended.

“Okay, have a goodnight and I’ll see you tomorrow,” Orla said with a sad smile and tiny wave.

Two steps forward and one step back she thought. Tomorrow was indeed another day and she’d make the most of it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for getting mad at my roommates?

A while ago I had to move out of my college apartment due to disagreements with the roommates. I was told I was ignoring boundaries and ignoring their stuff, cited as disagreeable in remediation meetings, and also told my disability was “not able to be accommodated” despite the fact theirs all were.

When I moved in, our roommate agreement as per signed by the university said the kitchen and the dishes within the kitchen were all communal property, and could be used by anyone with permission. It was also stated in the same agreement that responsibility for the management of personal items was one’s own responsibility, IE it was your job to inform someone else if something within the kitchen came with special instructions, or if it should not handle something that the person may be allergic to, like nuts or milk. This was a big deal at our university because someone had died a few years ago from a peanut allergy after their roommate ate peanut butter from some utensils which were not washed properly, and sued the university as a result.

I went on to take these rules as they were written, because I come from a similar culture where the kitchen is a communal space and what is in it is considered as belonging to everyone. I ended up using many of my roommates’ pots and utensils because I was poor and could not afford the same things they had, always with permission and always cleaning up after.

After a while, I ended up being informed by one of my roommates (I had 3) that I was “destroying” one of her pans because I had put it in the dishwasher and it was an “heirloom” from her grandmother. I had asked her multiple times if it was okay, and she always said yes, and the complaint was about that she had mistakenly told me yes and never intended for me to use that. She said I was destroying her property and not taking care of it, even though the pan said dishwasher safe on the bottom in extremely faded letters and i saw no signs of damage whatsoever.

Fast forward a few months, and the rest of my roommates are taking her side. One of them was someone I actually shared a bathroom with, who ended up screaming at me in a hissy fit over me having left two (2) actual literal hairs in the drain. Like not two clumps of hair, but two hairs. I cleaned up the drain every time, but she continued to yell at me for being so “dirty” and “uncivilized”, and the other roommates began joining in on this too.

Everything eventually escalated into arguments because I did not want to take what they were saying lying down. I told them very plainly what the roommate agreement was that we all signed to, and they all told me it was null and void and that they would be changing the terms of it extremely shortly. I told them that this was unfair and that the kitchen should be a common space that is shared, and not gatekept, and that they have a duty to uphold that as we all lived in the same space and managed the same things.

They called me selfish, and said I had no sense of respect for others or responsibility for my actions. Eventually they took this to the RA who told me since I signed the lease last, I would eventually have to leave if everything was not settled. We tried many mediations and many things to settle our differences, but I just kept getting called selfish for explaining where I came from and the cultural differences between me and them and they just kept calling me selfish and destructive.

Am I really the asshole here? It was the first time I’ve ever felt unsafe sharing a space with other people.

What are these acronyms?

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 49 Burnt Cereal with Milk Posting

Alright, dear void. It's time. I put on my powerscaler hat and turned on the stove.

Never ever let me cook again though- apparently I'm just as shitty at it online as I am IRL. We are going to Eye Scars at the temple next. Well, "we" meaning Hakuri, Uruha, and some fodder since the train fight DIDN'T HAPPEN. Yet. Is it too delusional to think that we could get the super cool stuff with Uruha fighting off the mooks somehow? Because damn, I was really looking forward to more than what we got...

It's alright though. I can cope with the power of even stronger delusions.

Wasn't there LITERALLY any better way to do this than pulling on Uruha's hair, Hakuri?!

Still enjoying the fact that Chihiro can yell out a random word and Hakuri will instantly understand his full intent. They don't have to plan shit- they just figure it out and it works.

Yeah, they both would know that "Centipede" is referring to Kyora's usage of Magatsumi's ability, but Chihiro improvising the move on the spot and Hakuri adjusting perfectly is awesome. Sad they're separated for now, but hopefully we get more of this stuff through the whole series. They're so busted when they work together because soulmate coding.

But this new Kuro technique is probably why John keeps pressing the assault and forcing Chihiro to act: he adapts and improves at an incredible rate when he's under pressure. Still don't know why John needs him to be extremely powerful and full of hatred for his plans, but maybe Hiruhiko will spill the beans. He's a chatty bastard who gets his jollies from extreme methods after all.

Fuck these guys.

Hiruhiko is the king of "it's just a prank bro, don't get so upset brooooooooooo" assholes everywhere. His origami powers are pretty neat though, I gotta admit. The editor's note for this week was something along the lines of "Uruha's will is also carried on [Chihiro's] blade"... I want that pretty face to get bloodied and beaten, man. I actually detest flippant long-haired guys as an entire character archetype so please let him have an agonizing death. I want to look forward to it no matter how long it takes.

Speaking of the Hishaku, do they have the world's freakiest training camp for new members or something? Ch. 32

Ch. 49

Literal bloodbath of a series.

This is the second time Chihiro's been blinded with blood in a fight. It's a cool and intelligent tactic but like, why? Use the wrong person's blood and Chihiro will die to some horrible infection or disease before those seeds of hatred can mature, my dudes. But I kinda wonder... Chs. 32 & 49 again:

Hiruhiko proceeds to taunt Chihiro like nothing happened after being violently stabbed out of a moving train.

There's something freaky about how the marked Hishaku members are totally OK with being skewered and losing limbs. Even Chihiro winces in pain when he's hit hard enough to lose his arm, y'know? Is it just because this is an ultra-violent action series and the villains need to stay threatening?

No insights, just pure glazing. This panel absolutely stunning... I can clearly see the motion and imagine exactly how it's happening. I held my breath in anticipation while reading this and was not at all disappointed by the gorgeous spread on the next page. God I love the fights in Kagurabachi.

Yet another "Hakuri needs time to recover" reminder. It's been constant since the arc started in Chapter 45... just for the dramatic tension, probably. I've already said my piece about relying on this particular tool too much, so let's move on.

As this site's #1 Hakuri Agendaposter, I think he's gonna be okay in the short term. We don't know if the Hishaku have accounted for him or not, but the focus right now is on the Bearers. He'll be fine. Surely. I can see him going too far to be "useful" and knocking himself out to transport Kumeyuri and possibly Eye Scar's blade- or maybe Hiyuki to their current location if Hokazono-sensei's feeling funny-, but no torture or suffering flags have been raised. Yet. He's just going to be running on fumes for a while...

Official Tier List Drop

Chihiro corrected Hakuri's "nonsense" estimations for all the powerscalers out there, how kind of him. I kind of went on a fuckhuge tangent here but I can't be assed to retake all the screenshots to post separately. So suffer (or skip if you're sane)!

But who could beat Goku?!?!?!/1/1 Obviously, equipped nuke bearers and Hiyuki are in a class of their own. A step down are uniquely strong fighters like Azami, Shiba, Hiruhiko, and John. Then there's the endless Datenseki fodder who are only scary when they're in a group and not exploded yet.

I don't give a flying fuck about who would win against Ultra SSJ Gigaturbo Pepsimaxx'd Goku. However, I do like it when there are clearly established tiers of power. NOT the graded tiers style where things are neatly ranked from coughing baby to hydrogen bomb, mind you. That is the laziest way to explain a universe's relative power dynamic. It also lets me know that the protagonist is going to single-handedly wreck the balance via powercreep not even halfway through the series (unless it's HxH, which only applies to one series: HxH).

I much prefer Kagurabachi's fuzzy approach. The stakes are clearly established: the Enchanted Blades and Hiyuki's Enkotsu are a Big Fucking Deal. They are incredibly strong and all the characters treat them as such. So Chihiro, Hiyuki, and armed Bearers are at the top.

Yet even within that small selection there's a notable differential in power between those who have mastered the weapon and those who haven't. Chihiro is hella strong, but Shiba let us know early on that he's still got a long way to go before he's truly formidable. We've seen Chihiro get bodied by Sojo, a genius who only had Kuregumo for a few weeks; he's in tune with Enten, but he's got a hell of a lot to learn about fighting strong opponents still. He's probably closer in strength to an Elite Sorcerer than a veteran Bearer like Uruha. (The whole thing about hardly ever fighting fully healed and rested up is also a sticking point, but not gonna digress on that.)

Beneath that tier are strong Elite sorcerers. Azami was noted by Uruha as being as "reassuring" as Hiyuki in terms of his abilities, and Chihiro put Shiba, John, and Hiruhiko on par with him. So I think it's reasonable to infer that the strength of their sorcery and their experience as fighters would put them so close to the Bearers in terms of power. The elite Kamunabi guards and task force, by comparison, make up for their shortcomings by working together as a team. They'd be at the bottom of this category -possibly another step below- individually, but their teamwork and experience put them much closer to a Bearer's strength. The Sazanami Tou would be in this category too despite mostly being off-screened by Shiba (he's just that good).

And then there are run-of-the-mill guys like the Trauma, Mud Clone, and regular Sazanami sorcerers. They're very strong compared to an average person but need those Datenseki shards to compete with the elites. This is the true "miminum strength" floor in Kaugrabachi. If you can't hold your own against a rando sorcerer hireling, you have no business being involved in the fights. Of course the Hiruhikos and Shibas of the world will outclass you horribly, but that's the risk you take when being unnamed fodder in Kagurabachi.

This high of a power floor is why I'm glad we don't see regular people like Hinao anywhere near the skirmishes- a sorcerer can easily manhandle them, and the fights Chihiro gets involved in are far more lethal than they can safely stand around to provide commentary for. This means all the insightful remarks come from the fighters themselves and only rarely an omniscient narrator, which is so much more interesting than listening to a non-combatant give a play-by-play. It's refreshing to see the fighting left to the warriors while the regular folks actually run away to safety for once, you know?

That's a key component of why the fights in Kagurabachi feel so different from other shounen so far. I don't need someone who's never thrown hands telling me how amazing Chihiro looks and explaining what he's doing: the author is showing me while Chihiro himself tells me what he's thinking. And when we do get third-party commentary, it's limited to providing vital context. We aren't wasting panels to glaze the fighters and explain everything in excruciating detail. We just see it play out and understand that yes, this is absolutely awesome and it works because of the quality of the composition. And because we don't need a door stopper of a novel to explain what each ability does (this is JJK shade, come at me).

OK, tangent within a tangent aside... where does that leave outliers like Hakuri, Tafuku, Ice Lady, and unarmed bearers?

Tafuku's sorcery has insane utility, but it looks like he himself doesn't get any direct combat boost. So he really needs a partner like Hiyuki to make the most of it.

I'd say he's probably in the Elite tier considering he has no issues dealing with the rank-and-file sorcerers and guards at the auction. He's plenty used to defending himself while Hiyuki wreaks havoc at least. So the combination of skill, utility, and experience make up for the lack of raw power.

So far it seems as though folks like Char and Ice Lady aren't much better off than non-sorcerers. In fact, we've only seen these traits cause a great deal of suffering at the hands of people who want to exploit them...

Their natural traits seem to provide passive benefits that can negate sorcery side-effects in specific situations (like the nausea caused by Shiba's teleportation in Char's case), but so far there's no evidence that they provide any advantages against actual techniques. They're below the minimum power threshold but a smidge above average civilians for now. This could change if we get more information and examples, though.

So Chihiro said, but...

Dude's still looking mighty fine to me.

If all the former bearers are on the same level as Uruha, then they're not truly "defenseless". However, they definitely do need help when facing Elites and many average sorcerers. They're probably in the middle of the "ordinary" sorcerer tier without their blades- competent against the minimum, but at risk against anything tougher.

So yeah. Uruha's not gonna get shanked by a regular non-magical enemy- he's just defenseless compared to most of the relevant combatants in this universe right now. And as soon as he gets Kumeyuri back, he'll be at the apex. He should be able to handle the trash still on the train just fine until then.

Potential Man incarnate

Hakuri's in a weird spot.

He's the first genius in his clan's 200-year history since the OG patriarch and has a huge amount of potential. Even in the wider world he's quite exceptional for having two sorcery abilities available to him. But the actual mechanics of how he allocates his sorcery and trains it are big unknowns right now. Hakuri's basically got infinite potential, maybe enough to put him in the same tier as the Bearers and Hiyuki. But will he have the time and narrative attention to get there? We don't know. He can't even use his powers without knocking himself out at the moment, so it'll be a while before we see any movement on that too.

He's off to the side with a big question mark over his head for now. I need more information and screen time of him fighting while rested to place him. Which reminds me, actually... Kazane's in the same position. He was supposed to be the trump card in the Sojo fight but lost his arm and most of his comrades before he got to do anything. So he and Hakuri can chill on the sidelines until it's time to see them in action once more.

Thanks for tuning in to the worst cooking show on Tumblr, dear void. Next up: Eye Scars, maybe! Chihiro fighting through the streets to get vengeance on Uruha's behalf! Uruha and Hakuri possibly also making an appearance! Stay fresh, bachibros.

[vritest]

I love you. (Say it back)

leon kennedy x fem!reader

warnings: angst, angst, angst. kinda all over the place, kinda doesn’t follow the plot??? mentions of sex, younger???vandetta leon. NOT PROOFREAD

PART 2

Knock knock. Stop. Knock… knock. *Burp*

A sound you were getting used to at midnight.

At first you decided wether or not you should just open the door. Maybe you should leave him there. Make him feel like shit, make him realize what he’s doing isn’t normal.

But your heart was too big for that.

You sighed, looking straight at your TV. A random singing reality show playing in the background, their singing cancelling out the knocks coming from your shared apartment. Or at least what was once a shared apartment you and your boyfriend had.

Lately it seems like he lives in the bars instead of your own home.

You sigh again, hoping the knocks would stop and hoping Leon would leave to Chris’s place, or just somewhere where you wouldn’t see him drunk and wasted.

Getting up from the couch, the knocks only got louder and louder. You groaned quietly and rubbed your face with your hands.

“Coming, I’m coming!” You yelled.

As you opened the door, Leon slumped on you hugging your frame and snuggling on to you like the way you snuggled with your teddy bear he had given you on your guys’s first date.

You sniffed his leather jacket, a scent of too many liquors to count, taking over your nose. You frowned slightly.

“God Leon you irk of alcohol. Did you take a shower in that stuff at the bar?” You asked sarcastically.

He chuckled.

“You’re funny, they don’t have showers in bars, silly…” Leon slurred trailing off from his train of thought his grip only tightening. You let out a big sigh and slowly unwrapped from his grip. He groaned.

“Hey… I was comfortable like that…”

“I know… but doesn’t a shower sound nice?”

“No.”

“Well too bad because I’m not letting you go to sleep stinking our whole bed of alcohol”

After an hour, you had prepared Leon a semi-warm shower.

After he took a shower it was normal for him to go straight to bed, after kissing you and saying a quick “Good night babe” but this time it was different.

As you sat on the couch, you heard some shuffling and saw Leon walking straight to your shared room. Not even looking your way, almost like he was being lured in there. You raised an eyebrow confused in his sudden break of the pattern you two have held for too long.

As you walked over to the room, you saw him on his side. Already asleep and snoring. The void in your heart only getting worser.

———

The morning wasn’t any better.

You had waken up with a huge headache, despite not drinking. Which was pretty odd, because you never got headaches out of the random. Not only that but when you turned around to reach for Leon, the only thing you touched were the cold sheets, meaning he had been awake for a while.

You got up, the off feeling you had only getting more prominent as you walk towards the kitchen, the sound of cereal being poured in to a bowl sounding close.

There you see Leon hunched over, his back towards you as he serves himself some Lucky Charms.

Which was kinda ironic thinking back now.

“Good morning.” You said softly. The rasp in your voice being the only thing Leon was looking forward to.

“ ‘Morning” he simply said pouring the milk into the bowl. He turned towards the island, sitting towards you know. Your eyes wondering Leon’s tired futures, trying so hard not to ask him about last night. You didn’t want him to leave you, and you didn’t want to leave him, but this whole thing was just getting to you. It’s like you had to battle a war in your mind 24/7.

You cleared your throat, despite not planning to say anything.

“Just say it. Say that I’m an asshole for not telling you good night. I don’t give a damn.”

“What? I wasn’t gonna-“

“You were! That’s the thing you don’t speak up about shit! You should hate me, I’m a bad boyfriend, a bad friend, an alcoholic but here you are taking care of me every day after I go to the bar. Why?” He said, the bowl of cereal being disregarded.

You laughed dryly.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

He looked side to side.

“I asked you a question.” He asked sternly.

“Have the 5 years we’ve been together proven you nothing? I love you Leon! And the fact that you asked that question makes me feel like shit. I do it out of love Leon everything.”

Silence.

“How do you think I feel after you leave for work? How about when you leave to go to the bar? I worry that I’ll get a phone call and get told your dead, and I hate myself that I can’t stop you. Because it’s your life. Not mine.”

He sighed trying to calm down in order for his words to come out less aggressively.

“You don’t have to worry about the drinking it’s nothing-“

“Nothing?” You laughed dryly again. Something you’ve done a lot more often lately. “Everyday you come home wasted and tell me you love me. Something you’ve never told me sober, did you know that?”

“Babe-“

“No! Fuck. Don’t babe me now. After all this time all I’ve ever wanted to do was to help you. And now you’re asking me why I’m doing all this? This must be some sick fucking prank.” You said. You were slowly loosing it. You never yelled at him. Sure maybe one time while playing Mario Kart when he beat you, but it was never this serious or intense. Leon’s mind went blank.

He was a horrible person.

“Fuck, im sorry about this I swear I can fix this aright? I fucking hate myself, I hate what I’m doing to myself and I can’t stop it”

There was silence allowing you to calm down before speaking up again.

“I know you can fix it.” You said more calmly this time.

“Just not with me.”

His eyes widened at the words that came out your mouth.

“What-“

“I’m leaving.” You claimed.

“What? You haven’t even packed yet-“

“I did, while you were sleeping. Thought you had heard but I guess you were fast asleep.” You mumbled.

He scoffed and let a small breathy “huh”.

“So that’s it?” He said throwing his hands besides his torso in defeat. “You’re just gonna leave me after all these years?”

“Don’t try to gaslight me now Leon. I’m doing this because I love you. Fuck, everything I do, I do because I love you and I can’t stand seeing you fuck up your life because you refuse to get help.”

You just stood there. Looking at him like if this was some staring contest.

Your heart kept telling you to back out, this was a bad idea. But you brain could only thing how this would benefit him.

You sighed. Starting to walk towards your shared room where you had packed two duffle bags that would be enough clothes to stay with your parents for a while.

As you got up, Leon got up as well grabbing your wrist and before you could even pull away (he was too strong) he pulled you towards him, kissing you just one more time. The taste of alcohol filling your mouth and the taste of your cherry lipgloss leaving a delightful taste at the tip of his tongue. As much as you wanted to pull back and tell him that he was an asshole for doing this, the kids only got more passionate and hungry tounges entering each others mouths, suddenly everything was okay. Suddenly it was his first day as a police officer and you and him had just shared your first kiss with eachother.

Maybe everything wasn’t so bad after all…

Right?

———

That morning had been long. The smell of makeup sex lingering the room. Leon’s bare hands hugging your naked frame, the afternoon sun peaking out from the curtains.

You got up, looking for your clothes he had desperately stripped off you.

Surprisingly after you grabbed the two duffle bags, despite making a good amount of noise, he was still asleep. You looked at him one last time , beige you headed to the kitchen and grabbed a napkin and a red gel pen.

Leon had woken up not too long after you had left quietly crying out your shared apartment.

He knew you always kept your promises.

Immediately he looked over at the night stand, your perfume, his favorite, gone. That’s when he saw a small peace of paper, and he squinted reaching out to grab it as he brought it up to his face squinting.

“Good morning afternoon sunshine,

I really didn’t want you to try and make me stay so I decided to leave right away. It’s already noon and by the time you wake up it’ll probably be dinner time, I know you’ll be hungry. Last night I made lasagna, just that you went straight to bed before I could even offer you some. Lol. There’s some leftovers in the fridge, along with some lemonade or coke, pick what’d you like.

Like I said in the morning, I’m doing this because I love you nothing else. If I could stay with you forever I would.

Thank you for what you gave me this morning.. I enjoyed it… (that might be an understatement.)”

He chuckled at your dry humor.

“Anyway… please take care of yourself and become the best version of yourself you can possibly be.

I love you. More than you’ll ever know. Even if you’ve never said it to me sober.

Love, Y/N.”

A single tear escaping his eye.

———

Years have passed and you had already moved out of your parents home you were temporarily living in.

Once you got your new place you decided it was time to move on from Leon. As much as you didn’t want to and refused.

Each date was the same.

They introduced themselves. They cracked a joke. You laughed. Their mouth moved until they asked if you were okay, and you would just nod. Then they would leave and never spoke to you again.

It just wasn’t the same. They weren’t Leon. They’ll never be.

So that’s what brought you right now. At your old apartment complex. The lady at the counter being the same one from a couple of years ago.

“Hey you were that lady that was the girlfriend of the young blonde man right?” She asked as you walked up to her counter. You smiled lightly. “Girlfriend” you haven’t heard that word in a while.

“Yeah.. uh I was wondering if you could do me a favor.”

That being said, you had asked her if she knew any information about Leon and if he had moved out.

Turned out it had been only two months since he had moved out, she said he had told her he was moving to the suburbs. Which was weird considering you two would always talk about how you loved the chaos in the city and would never move back to the suburbs. Turns out great minds don’t think alike sometimes.

“Yeah, he seemed pretty glad to move into a house for the first time. Never said the reason though.” She said ducking her teeth. “He said he was staying by this really big park, with the lake and-“

“Oh my god.”

“What? What happened?” Thee asked.

“He moved back to his childhood home.”

———

It didn’t take you long to built up the courage after all these years to find him.

All the signs were pointing to this.

He definitely got better and had taken to advice to move in back to his old home. The reason was still unknown but you assumed that after all these years he was the person you had told him to become.

You missed him. You couldn’t wait to see him. Would his hair be brown like it was when you left? Or had he dyed it back to blonde, how he had it when you first met?

Either way, it didn’t matter if he was bald, you needed to see him. You needed him to be okay.

As you got closer to the house that was once his, you notice, two cars. Which you assumed were both his, unless Chris was over? No, it was probably just both his.

You parked, getting out of your car and fixing your hair as you prepared to knock on the wooden door. You didn’t know if this was one of your smartest moments. You didn’t want to look like a stalker, but you knew he probably wanted to see you too…right.

You knocked three times, a shuffle being heard in a background and a giggle.

The door opened. And the you heard it, his voice. Still sweet like sugar. Except he said some words that could’ve made you faint on the spot.

“I got it honey-“

You looked up noticing a small kid on his shoulders. Looking down at you. Their icy blue eyes they obviously inherited from Leon, staring at you with a small smile.

“Y/n…”

•••••

Y’all this honestly was abt to me cry lmfaoo 😭 but anyway hoped y’all cried lol.

•••••