#military time does not make it easier to come in at the correct times

[audreythevaliant]

I love when you re-check your works schedule, and you actually go in 2 hours earlier than you were expecting.

[carionto]

The duality of Man, or triality? quadrality?

Alien to Human about New Human: Correct me if I'm wrong, but they appear abnormally large for your species?

H: Yea, he's a biggun alright, even without the EV suit I'd say... 7'3'', 310 pounds, bet he power lifts.

A: Umm... not to be rude, but, uhh... he seems, well... how should I put this...

H: Intimidating? Terrifying? Evil? Yea, if this station didn't have high screening standards I'd be totally pissing myself if he started walking towards me. The mohawk and eye tat totally make me believe he could snap me in two with a single glare.

A: I feel ashamed that my instincts are telling me to flee. I wish nature were easier to change.

H (shouting at NH): Hey buddy! Could you come over here for a minute please? You look awesome by the way!

A (whispering nervously): what are you doing?!?

H: Gotta overcome those fears somehow, I believe the best way is a direct confrontation.

NH approaches, somewhat slowly, looking around at all the other aliens in the station that are chatting, waiting around, or doing some work. He finally approaches A and H, and in a very deep and husky voice says: Um, hi, hello. T-thanks for the compliment, I, uh, was a little worried I would stand out too much here.

H: Oh you totally do, my friend over here is practically about to pass out from how much like a gothic viking of death metal you look.

NH: Oh no, I'm so sorry, I-I just grew up in Sweden-Delta and both my parents were huge into classic local music, so I just, uh... it's complicated. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare anyone.

H: Hey, relax pal, we're all good people here. Anyway, what you here to do? I'm planning on starting a bakery, still testing out what kind of flour most species here can actually stomach. My friend here is on the team working on Moon theft preventative measures.

NH: Oh, that's cool. I'm here as an exchange student with the department of applied astrophysics. If all goes well, I can finish my Bachelors degree remotely and stay here as an intern with the head researcher.

H: Oooh, that's cool. (so cool yea that you're apparently half my age but oh well guess I'm a big fat time waster like my father before me and oh god change the subject before I get depressed in front of strangers) That's a real big bag you got there, carrying some super secret science things, eh?

NH: Oh, that... uhh... guess it can't hurt to tell, security vetted it already anyway.

NH proceeds to unzip the bag and hold up a large white piece of clothing with light blue rings and accents, alongside a strange white cap with what looked like small fins, and a curious little backpack.

NH: It's uhh... um... my... Ika... musume... cosplay.... (oh gods I can't believe I said it out loud again)

After a moment of awkward silence, NH slowly puts on the backpack and presses a button on it's strap, and suddenly numerous light blue colored tentacle-like appendages sprout out from the backpack and move in line with NH's movements.

NH: I, uh..., got my engineering friend to make them articulate and interface with my contacts. I can make them do all sorts of things, like make various shapes and animals with them, though works best as a shadow theater.

H:...

NH:...

A now frozen out of confusion than fear:...

H: That's so

NH: (oh I know it's so lame, but I love that show)-

H: COOL! I don't know what a ika musume is, but those things look amazing. You said articulate? How precise can they be? I'd love to have something like that instead of my useless assistant. Poor lad can't make a piece of toast if his life depended on it...

NH: Y-you like it?

H: I LOVE those things. My daughter does cosplay too sometimes, but she makes her Dreadnought suits herself from scraps. One time the military came to our house and installed a limiter on the gauss cannon she found in a crash site, said it would otherwise start to generate small doses of radiation if used too frequently. But she replaced it with a handmade rail gun before the next convention. Do you go to those? Did you see a 7 meter tall hulking metal monstrosity with a bunch of candles all over? That was her.

NH: Oh, I think I've seen video of that, but no, not in person, I go to smaller events. I don't really like big crowds.

H: Oh yea, I get ya, you do seem a bit on the shy side now that we've been talking for a bit. Hey, no worries, like I said, we're all good people here.

NH: T-thanks, but I think I should be going now, the teacher is calling me over.

H: Oh yea, go ahead, didn't mean to take up so much of your time. Have a fun stay and I'm sure you'll ace that paper or theory? Or whatever astrophysicists do, you seem like a solid kid.

NH: Oh, uh, thanks. Good luck with your bakery. And you with stopping those weird people from stealing more moons. Bye.

H: Bye bye, come visit, don't be a stranger now, I'm set up just a short bit from the main lift on floor 14.

NH: R-right, I'll, uh, be sure to stop by soon.

A is finally able to process what they just heard and says: What was all that just now?

H: What? Just a friendly chat with what is apparently basically a kid. Man, this kid's got so much going on, while I'm almost 50 and I have an oven. Life, man, it can go in so many ways. Anyway, let's go grab a drink, I'm parched.

[romanarose]

Hi Roman! Loooove your HCs re: the TF boys. Could I pls ask you what you think would be the biggest sources of contention when it comes to each guy and their SO & how they handle relationship conflict?

Hello, wonderful human! Sorry it took so long for me to respond. Been cranking out fics to catch up and prepare for everything lol!!!

Happy to answer you! I'll be focusing mostly on the guys issues, not so much readers, but we all bring out own things into relationships.

Warnings: Addiction, ptsd, general relationship issues

I think everything should be gender neutral, correct me if i missed something.

More HC's here

Santiago

Commitment.

My dude can't commit to a thing.

I imagine after the movie events he went to see yvonna.... and then left after a few months bc he's a mess.

First arguement you get into he;s like "fine! I'll just leave then, clearly this isn't working"

And you give your best ????? face.

Santi you dumbass.

But you don't give up that easily! You're a menace to society.

You make him face down the issue, talk to you, and *gasp* share how he feels!

When its resolve, you tell him he can't just threaten to leave when he gets frustrated. If he wants to leave he needs to be honest, but he can't hide away under one small issue.

You ask if he really wants to leave. He says no so fucking fast.

He admits he hasn't had any stability in his life like... ever. Immigrant family, military, then his less-than-legal missions... but he wants to make it work with you

You have to work to find a balance between not letting him run away but not forcing him to stay.

But it works. Santi finds you easier and easier to talk to about things and soon enough, he's been with you for a year and theres still no itch to leave.

Ben

Benny Miller is a goof ball.

That's why you fell in love with him in the first place!

But he's not the most mature. He struggles to be serious, even when he wants to. That's the issue. You don't want to dampen his shine, you love him how he is

Thing is, you've been together 6 months and you still feel like you're casually dating.

There was no big "I love you".

He simple kissed your cheek saying goodbye, said "love you!" and dashed off to his friends.

But you did love him, you loved him so much but you weren't sure he was invested as you were. Maybe he wasn't ready for a serious relationship or you were more of a casual date to him...

Benny notices your mood change pretty quickly. He may be dumb but he's not stupid

(This is a joke Benny is canonically a highly skilled and talented individual I love him so much.)

"What am I to you?"

You ask him and it starts a whole discussion. You're surprised to find he's listening intently to what you have to say, takes in your words well.

You express how it hurts that every time he says "love you" It's the same tone of voice he uses with his friends or brother. He makes you feel like you're "one of the guys" but you're having sex.

Benny pauses and gathers his words before expressing that he does love you, very deeply. He thinks about marrying you... he just struggles to express it verbally. After some talking, you introduce him to the idea of love languages.

You figure out Benny loves receiving with words of affirmation and thats what he gets stuck on. He can't express well through words, so he thinks he's fucked.

You take the time to talk about the other four, and ways he can express through those.

After this talk, you feel much better and Ben makes you feel so, so loved and special.

(He also makes sure to say his "I love you" during sex or more initmate moments, not just in passing, letting you know that he really, really does.)

Will

Fear.

You probably expected PTSD, didn't you?

Well thats a part of it. His PTSD does affect his life but I think he's scared to lose you and scared to hurt you.

Will keeps you at arms length. Maybe you're a friend of Ben's and are around a lot and clear chemistry!! But nothing is happening

Finally you confront him. Bestie you can't keep lingering touch on my arm if you're not gonna fuck me about it.

Will is def the most straight forward and self aware so he's gonna be honest.

"I choked a man out in a grocery store for not moving his cart fast enough and almost killed him, my fiance left me after that, I've got 33 confirmed kills and also I watched one of my best friends die and carried his dead body over the fucking Andes, man."

A lot to unpack there!!!!

He tells you he's afraid he's going to lose you if he lets you get too close. He's afraid of hurting you.

You tell him he's sweet but he should also go to therapy.

You go with him to the first appointment.

Will I think is the easiest bc I just think hes the most mature and open

Frankie

Addiction

My dude hates himself.

And literally any feeling he's like "well time to do some coke about it."

It wasn't a big deal when you just started dating. You knew he did coke sometimes on weekends and rationalized that it can't be that big a deal, it's like drinking, right?

(Im 26 now and realizing how many people casually do coke is wild to me. None of my business tho.)

But soon you realize just how bad it's gotten. He's high almost all the time. Then his liscense comes under review. Then the trip to south america...

You don't think he's ever even sober, and you're worried about him, worried his heart is going to give out. Sometimes you stay awake watching him breath just to be sure.

Finally you can't take it anymore. You never wanted to to be the ultimatum party but you can't do this, you're suffering and so is he. He either gets sober or you leave. You didn't care how long it took, you didn't care if he relapsed but he needed to start trying.

Frankie ops to go to rehab. It's best, because he's gonna need to detox first.

You visit often, almost every day, making sure his friends all knew when visit times were and sometimes going as group, sometimes separate but always making sure someone came by every single day so he knew he wasn't alone.

90 days later, Frankie comes out a new man. He's cheeks fuller and pants tighter but his smile bigger.

He's gonna be okay and so are you.

Tom

He's dead

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!! I love tf boys head cannons <3

[dr-futbol-blog]

Runner, Pt. 3

We follow Lorne and McKay through the deep dark woods and Sheppard seems to have been correct about not being able to be very stealthy with McKay around. Like he tells Sheppard later in Tao of Rodney (S03E14), not talking makes him anxious. Babbling about something helps him keep his fear at bay. Now, he could just be making inconsequential small-talk because he doesn't know Lorne and probably isn't that interested in getting to know him either, but he seems to take this opportunity to learn something about Sheppard. He asks Lorne about something that he would know that pertains to Sheppard but that he had never either asked Sheppard or got Sheppard to answer him:

McKay: So exactly what kind of, uh, special training do you guys have to go through to get this sort of mission? Lorne: ‘You guys'? McKay: Yeah, you know. Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, it's a great place to start!

He's being smooth about it by not mentioning Air Force first, even though that's what he is definitely most curious about (and, unlike Sgt. Bates, Lorne actually is Air Force, further indicating he was Sheppard's choice for the position).* And this is not about getting to know Lorne because he's not that keen to get to know new people. He can barely remember the names of members of his own science team, it even took him weeks to learn Zelenka's name and he respects him as a scientist. He is asking because, be things as they may between them, Sheppard is still the centre of his universe. Lorne, however, seems unwilling to share personal details about his life with this scientist that is not his scientist (we did see him share personal things with Parrish before), opting for sarcasm instead:

Lorne: And by ‘this mission' you mean hunting down a skilled weapons expert hopped up on wraith drugs in the pitch black of an alien planet? McKay: Yes! Lorne: Actually, I skipped that course in Major school. McKay: Yeah, I was afraid of that.

It is interesting that Lorne's initial reaction was to question which group of men McKay was actually putting him into. He says "You guys?" like he needs to make sure what McKay is talking about. Because he is member of more than one group of men. And whether he realizes it or not, his sexual orientation did play a part in why Sheppard chose him for the mission. It's not inconsequential. Also, even though McKay is a professional when it comes to staying in the closet with military types, it's entirely possible Lorne had clocked McKay as a gay man the moment he walked into Weir's office because, again, it's easier to see from the inside out.

With Sheppard, it's not as obvious. Given that Lorne doesn't know either of them, he might actually think that it's McKay's sexual orientation that is making Sheppard treat him with the disdain that he now seems to be treating him with. It's not a huge logical leap to make, just observing the two of them. And while he certainly hopes this isn't true about his new CO, it does make him more careful around him. To perform more masculine, to behave more military. To show McKay the same disdain he thinks Sheppard does. But he's not a bad guy and he is also trying to get along with McKay:

Lorne: I was hoping Lieutenant Ford might recognize a friendly face and just turn himself in. McKay: What, you mean me?! Lorne: Well, you were friends, weren't you? McKay: Oh, yeah! When we weren't out on harrowing missions, we used to hang out together. I'd share my dreams of a self-sustaining fusion and he, he would talk of how you could sever a man's torso with a P90!

What's interesting here is that this could just as well be true about McKay and Sheppard. McKay is a scientist, Sheppard is a career soldier. On the face of it, they should have nothing in common. And yet we did see them grow very close during the first season, and that their closeness was something Ford was actually envious about, a closeness he desired to have with Sheppard. Now, at this time we don't actually know what Sheppard and McKay talk about when they're alone together, because we haven't been given many chances to observe them when they are not around other people and not in the middle of some kind of an emergency. The last time we (along with Weir) walked in on them talking, they were discussing how big something is, and we never did find out what. They have a different taste in movies. They like different sports. But they do have things in common too, and they are still curious about each other, learning each other, as evinced by McKay's line of questioning here. They're different, but in many ways complementary, too. McKay wants to learn what makes Sheppard Sheppard.

But it's interesting they bring up the topic of friendship here, for the second time in this episode. Lorne assumes McKay and Ford had been friends, McKay isn't sure they were quite that close. He doesn't really have a lot of friends, and certainly not outside of work. Beckett is the closest thing to a best friend he's ever had. Because John Sheppard is not his friend (and even here, as he contrasts himself and a military type, he is saying he and Sheppard are not friends; they will never be friends). He might have considered Sheppard a friendly face waiting for him to come home before, but he never placed him into the mental category of friend.

They were something different. They were something closer than that. They were something more. And now, they weren't, not any more. They were trying to be friends and they were failing miserably because they just couldn't keep from making these little digs at each other constantly, all the time. They might have loved each other but right now it seemed like they didn't even like each other, and that's a minimum requirement for friendship.

But McKay does mention a few interesting things. First, the severing of a torso with a P-90, since we just saw Sheppard attach his P-90 to his tac vest, grunting sensually as he did it. As far as Sheppard was concerned, McKay had ripped his heart right off of his chest so he wasn't a stranger to severing a man's torso, metaphorically speaking. And second, he mentions sharing his dreams. With Ford, he didn't share his dreams. But he had been sharing his dreams with Sheppard; Sheppard knew about his nightmares. Later, in Doppelganger (S04E04), they will both literally share each others' dreams but given that by this time McKay seems to already know what Sheppard's nightmares are like, it seems like they had both been doing this long before that time.

Also, the fact that he mentions self-sustaining fusion in particular as one of the dreams he had shared becomes important as we come to Trinity (S02E06), but more about that later. Point is, with Sheppard he had shared his dreams. And apparently Sheppard had shared some of his experiences in the military with McKay too, as it seems like he misses that here. He's asking Lorne to tell him about his training because he misses Sheppard talking to him about it. He misses Sheppard.

The fact that Sheppard had not only talked to him about military stuff but had been teaching him things like tactical signs (and forward rolls) is underlined by his reaction to Lorne suddenly throwing his fist up:

McKay: What -- that means quiet, right? Lorne: Get down, get down, get down! McKay: What? What? Lorne: I thought I saw something move.

We are also able to see how different McKay's communication is with Lorne as compared with Sheppard. McKay has real trouble understanding the Major, whether he's using his tactical signs or his words, having to repeat the question "What?" several times, and still not quite getting on the same page with him. Similarly, he doesn't seem to understand Lorne's sarcasm and it takes him quite a while to notice that Lorne seems extremely displeased by his company.

In contrast, McKay reads Sheppard extremely well. His body, his facial expressions, his tone of voice, the whole nine yards of him. But this does not translate to being able to understand other people, and his limited people skills are clearly on display here. A point of comparison is also the fact that Lorne seems pretty handsy with people, manhandling both McKay and Parrish. He is not afraid of touching them to move them around. We did see Sheppard touching McKay from pretty early on (even though he was initially protected by a personal shield) but he was very careful about it. As though he wasn't quite sure he was allowed, like at the end of Hide and Seek (S01E02) as he steals a touch when McKay is passed out.

At the same time elsewhere in the forest, Sheppard and Teyla are tracking something, and we can compare their interaction to McKay and Lorne. They are entirely professional. The little that they talk is all business. In fact, Sheppard has very seldom asked Teyla anything personal and he doesn't seem that interested in her as a person. Sheppard could show some interest in Teyla, or her culture, or her galaxy, he could be trying to get to know her better--but he doesn't. Sure, over the years they get to know each other fairly well but they neither of them get very personal. Sheppard just isn't interested in her like that.

With McKay, they have a whole world of context between them. They're able to have conversations so intimate and idiosyncratic even the audience doesn't necessarily get what they're talking about. They don't even need words to talk, and they can hurt each other with a mere syllable. Even when they are trying to remain professional, like now, they can't help but get personal with each other.

We have seen private moments between Sheppard and Teyla, scenes very erotic even when they've been sparring, but neither of them seems interested in the other, not in getting to know the other person and not sharing things about themselves; not even when Teyla was basically in Sheppard's subconscious in Home (S01E08). While Teyla is much more empathic than Sheppard, their interpersonal relationship is cool and professional.

As it happens both teams, Sheppard and Teyla as well as Lorne and McKay, think that they hear something move in the bushes and take after them. Lorne and Sheppard are in radio contact, and they hear Sheppard tell them that Teyla has been "hit" before they lose radio contact with them entirely.

It seems as though many of the reactions in the episode are slightly off, or subdued. For one, Sheppard doesn't even know whether Teyla was killed by what ever hit her, but his reaction to this is pretty underwhelming, and this is relevant for later. He sees Teyla fall down from shot in the back, and he's immediately in survival mode, scanning his environment for the threat. But McKay's reaction to them suddenly losing radio contact after hearing that Teyla has been taken down is similarly subdued.

Let me also point out this: Lorne thinks McKay is out of shape and for sure, he's not an athlete. He's not trained to traipse through the jungle. But for sure he's in better shape than most of the science team, and he not only manages to somewhat keep up with Lorne here, he later spends several hours wading through the woods in a rubber suit with nothing to drink the whole time. We saw Sheppard running to keep up after Teyla the same as McKay was running to keep up with Lorne, so he's really not as bad as Lorne seems to think.

For some reason, probably due to the influence of Sheppard's current disposition toward McKay, Lorne has just decided to dislike McKay. And when someone does that, everything about the other person becomes annoying and suddenly you're just looking for reasons to hate them. It's not exactly fair toward McKay, but it is important for later.

When they lose radio contact to Sheppard, we see Lorne call out to him several times. He's much less used to exploring alien planets than McKay is, and he seems to be freaking out, having lost contact to his CO who was supposed to tell him what to do in a situation like this. He seems to be close to hyperventilating, his breath coming out fast. He's so lost that he looks at McKay for what to do in this situation.

In contrast, McKay does not appear to react at all. He barely moves, he just watches on. But the thing is, this is on brand for him. This is what McKay looked like when he thought Sheppard had died flying the puddle jumper to the hive. He is very similar to how he seemed back then, up to him wanting to look away from Lorne but forcing himself to look dead on.

McKay also looks lost but what they are feeling is very different. McKay isn't the least bit afraid of being lost in the deep dark woods of an alien planet with an unknown assailant bearing down on them. Lorne seems to be freaking out because he's out of his depth, he doesn't know what to do. Major school definitely hadn't prepared him for this. But as freaked out as Lorne is, McKay is terrified. Not of losing contact with his commander but of losing John.

What ever comforting lies he might have told himself for the past few months, he was not ready to be here again. He was not ready to lose Sheppard. Not again.

Continued in Pt. 4

-* McKay is quoting a slogan from a recruitment ad for the US armed forces that was used in 1982-1987, which would have been during his teenage years (he would have been 14-19 years old when the ads were in active use). Now, this is not the first time that McKay seems to dig something out of his past seemingly at random, it's clear that the associative links his mind makes don't always make sense to other people. He's intelligent and idiosyncratic, is the thing.

Now, there are a few reasons he might have referenced this. For one, they're roughly the same age so he might have assumed that this ad had been among the reasons Lorne had chosen to become career military. It's also possible it had something to do with Sheppard's choice to join the military, which McKay might even know about. It could be something Sheppard had shared with him.

And given that these recruitment ads are, albeit completely unintentionally and due to the homosocial environment of the military, extremely homoerotic (in fact, when we look at gay fetish tropes, the military features heavily in these, and e.g., the leather daddy archetype ultimately derives from Hells Angels, who had their genesis in veteran fighter pilots of WW II. The Village People are a good example of the use of gay macho fantasy characters, and "men in uniforms" feature heavily in these fetishes). So, in the 1980s when internet pornography was a thing of the distant future, adolescent homosexuals frequently used such ads for... unintended purposes (the same as straight teens would use department store catalogs advertising women's apparel).

So, McKay may have intended this as a coded message here, a kind of a "secret handshake". To confirm his suspicion that this man is "one of us". His entire line of questioning is digging for information about Sheppard, and knowing whether his new second in command was a friend to Dorothy or not is a pretty important piece of information to know, all things considered. So, he's testing the waters.

But, there may have been other reasons for this particular recruitment ad to have stayed in McKay's memory and to have had meaning for him. The TV version says: "We're not a company but outstanding people come to us every day, people who want to make a contribution to a team, and do work that really counts. People eager to see new places, do the unusual, and find the unusual. People who become your friends for life, people just like you." A teenage McKay may have found this extremely appealing, and it may have contributed to his decision to start contracting for the US military instead of the private sector, like his alternate self in the SG-1 episode The Road Not Taken. He might have had a more illustrious career working for the private sector but for some reason, he had chosen the military. He probably found the routine of it comforting, given his confession that he likes military food, as told to Zelenka in Suspicion (S01E04).

McKay wants to be a part of something, wants to explore the world, wants to find people like him. All of this would have sounded very exciting to him. But at the same time, it contains things that would have been appealing to Sheppard in particular, especially the part about finding friends for life. That's what Sheppard is searching for, someone to stand by his side. Given that they are roughly the same age, the ad may have left an impression on both of them, and it may even have come up as a topic of conversation at some point.

But it might be more than that, even. The print version of the add seems to contain many things that a teenage McKay, coming from a broken home environment where his parents hated each other and took it out on him, might have found extremely appealing:

Looking for an opportunity to develop and grow as a person? You'll find it in the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. And that's especially true if you're smart enough to graduate from high school. You can earn responsibility in the Services. Learn to lead. Prove that you can make it. In fact, there are all kinds of opportunities for advancement. The Armed Forces can bring out the best in you -- actually help you grow better. For instance, there's even a program in which the government contributes money toward a college education. Serving in the Armed Forces is an adventure and a challenge. There are new places to see. And new friends to make. Pay is higher than ever--more than $550 a month to start. And you earn 30 days of vacation each year. Plus, the Services take care of your food, uniforms, housing and medical needs. But above all, you'll gain new confidence. Stand a little taller. Walk a little prouder. All while serving your country. And that's one of the finest things a person can do.

McKay very likely went to college on a scholarship because even if they had the means, it does not seem as though his father cared about him enough to contribute to his education. He also seems to have completed his degrees in the US, which is much more expensive than in Canada. The idea that if you're smart enough, you will be taken care of would have been comforting to teenage McKay. These are things that would not have meant as much to Sheppard, who came from a much more financially secure background. Sheppard joined the military as an act of rebellion, not out of necessity. But it's entirely possible that having read this ad as a teenager, perhaps more than once if he used what ever magazine it had come in for... other purposes, it might well have contributed, consciously or subconsciously, to McKay's decision to start contracting for the US military. It's a great place to start!

[soonsweetheart]

Jesus is my best friend.

I love him, more than anything.

I love everything about him. I love following him to the villages and watching him preach. I love seeing the miracles he does, small and huge ones. I love how gentle he is, how comforting he is, and how careful he is to correct.

Military warrior? Is that what they really thought of him? It was almost humorous.

But the more you love someone, the easier it is to tell when they’re in distress.

I wanted to deny it at first, what I’d noticed. He was always so joyful, optimistic, just happy to be alive. It was clear how deeply he loved me and the rest of his followers.

It started out subtle.

He’d zone out every now and then. He’d want more time alone to pray. He would deeply value every interaction with us. And it scared me.

But the most undeniable thing that something was wrong were his nightmares.

When we’d first started traveling (and even now), I wanted nothing more than to be close to him. I propped my tent up beside his each time we settled down on new land. He loved to travel, loved to go find whatever mysterious person he wanted to heal. Whether their hearts or their bodies, typically both.

It was a habit, really. I found comfort knowing he was close. I needed to be near him. He was and is my safety. I even found that I could faintly hear his breathing or light snoring as he slept. I would giggle a bit before being lulled to sleep by the melody.

But a few nights ago, I’d first heard the slightest bit of distress.

It’s hard to describe, really. Maybe the tossing and turning sounds from his tent along with the occasional groan, sometimes even sniffling. It worried me. He was my best friend, after all.

I brushed it off the first night. Even the second.

But on the third night I couldn’t. I silently crawled out of my tent, walking the couple feet over to his own and gently tapping on the outside.

“Master, are you up?” I whispered.

The shifting stopped. It made me tense up, wondering if he’d have rather been alone. But then the fabric was brushed to the side and there he sat. He was smiling, putting on a happy face, but his cheeks were damp.

“Can I come in?” I said softly, not wanting the other followers to hear.

He seemed reluctant, tired even, but he nodded and motioned for me to come in,

“Yes, of course, darling. It’s quite late, you know. What brings you here at this time?” he smiled, speaking softly.

I sighed and crawled inside, sitting across from him and shifting the fabric of the curtain back over as a makeshift door.

“I came to check on you, Master,” I replied, turning to smile at him. I wanted him to know that I cared. I wasn’t just his follower or his daughter, I also wanted to be his friend.

His gaze softened. He really was beautiful.

“I appreciate that, sweetheart. Truly, it gives me joy to know you’re worried about me. But this is not for you to worry about,” he tried to reassure me.

But I didn’t like that answer. I pursed my lips, feigning annoyance. “Of course you would say something like that, Master,” I grumbled. I wanted to see him smile, make him laugh.

His lips curled up into a dorky grin before he took my hands in his. “Hey, I mean it. You don’t need to fear anything, you know that?” he said softly.

His hands were warm, and calloused. I squeezed them gently and nodded, “I worry about you. I love you. I wanna make sure you’re okay…Master…I can tell you haven’t been sleeping well.”

He looked a bit taken aback, but only for a moment. “Darling, like I said, I appreciate your concern but really I’m f-“

I cut him off. I knew he wasn’t lying. He didn’t lie, because he was sinless. So…he must’ve really been “fine” but what does that mean?

“Would you just listen,” I whispered, looking into his eyes, “I know there’s something going on with you. You’ve been acting weird lately and having nightmares and I don’t like it. I know you’re God, but you’re human too yeah? Like me. I love you. It’s okay to trust your Father. But you can trust me too.”

I expected him to smile, or at least look a bit less sad. But I never expected to make him cry. I couldn’t help but freak out, because I’d never seen him cry. Not ever.

And it broke my heart.

So I did what he did for me last time I was upset. Last time I was breaking down and crying in his arms.

I pulled him close to my chest and held him.

“I’m here,” I whispered. I tried to bring him comfort by brushing my fingers through his hair and showing him the same love he showed me, “and I love you.”

His arms wrapped around my waist and he squeezed me, hesitantly letting down his guard. He deserved this, to be loved the way he loved others. I made a promise to him in that moment. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, it would come with a price. But I loved him. God, I loved him.

“I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.”

[puregaalee]

PureGaaLee's WIP Your Heart 2023: Event Wrap

Hello, PGL followers and event participants. I am going to start this event wrap on a somber and necessarily serious note.

If you were keeping track of the event dates, then you know this event wrap was originally scheduled to be released mid October when the WIPYHO officially ended. That did not happen due to the increased and on-going assault on Gaza, Palestine by the settler-colony known as Israel. With the genocide still currently unfolding, my attention and priorities have not been on fandom--and I know I am not alone in that.

I wanted to post-pone making this event wrap-up because of what's happening, but now that it's been nearly two months since the end of the event, I did not want to keep participants waiting. So I apologize for the wait, but I hope people are not only understanding, but also paying close attention to the escalation in ethnic cleansing taking place and doing what they can for Palestinians whether that's sharing posts, donating, or going to protests.

Thank you to everyone for bearing with me and thank you so much for your participation in this event. Below the cut is the official event-wrap up. Please make sure to check out all the wonderful pieces by the author/artist duos who made this event possible.

And please keep Palestine in your hearts.

WIPYHO Ao3 Collection

The Ball, the Boxing Match, and the Bedchamber by a_gay_poster/@ghoste-catte with art by @romanticdeity [NSFW]:   When gentleman pugilist Rock Lee makes the acquaintance of a prince in a most unexpected way, he does not anticipate how much his life will change. Nor does he anticipate the dangerous feelings the prince will inspire.

Born Under Punches by urieskooki/@urieskooki with art by @bayheart: Team Gai have been sent on a mission to track down the Akatsuki member who's been whisking away jinchūriki with terrifying efficiency. When a clue left behind at the site of the Ichibi’s capture leads them to Amegakure, Lee must put aside any distractions to do one thing: complete the mission - even if those distractions include rescuing his missing team and the mysterious boy he keeps running into around the city.

The Grapes of Debauchery by solas_oiche with art by @bayheart [NSFW]: Lee gets drunk. Shenanigans ensue. How does it always end up being Gaara’s problem in the end?

Kept Under Lock and Key by bananahwormz/@bananahwormz with art by @arecu21: Gaara discovered his proclivity for the same sex at some point in his teen or young adult life, but it wasn't something he paid much attention to or cared much about compared to all his other priorities. Sometimes he would confuse friendships for crushes, but due to either what he would later discover to be a fear of rejection or a fear of himself, he vowed to never act on these emotions. Believing himself to be alone in the way he loves and who he loves, he lets infatuation come over him and run its course before finally letting go every time and making his peace. As his paramours marry the women of their dreams, proving his theories correct, his need—no, WANT—for romantic companionship becomes easier to tame. But one bachelor seems hard-set to challenge his precepts, whether intentionally or not. How and why is Papa Lee still single? And would he ever consider…

My Home is Your Home by Luna_Lee/@sagemoderocklee with art by Roarsh/@roarshackle Gaara's new apartment isn't much, but in his mind it's perfect. It might be tiny, but it has what he needs: a bedroom, a living room, a bathroom, a teeny tiny kitchen, and a rather attractive neighbor. But it also has something that wasn't mentioned in the lease.

Not a Place of Honor by ghostinthestalls/@ghost-in-the-stalls with art by @pannaflara: Rock Lee is a soldier in the Konoha military, sent down to unearth the greatest - and possibly also the worst - discovery in human history.

Not God, Not Us, But Something Else by ghostinthestalls/@ghost-in-the-stalls with art by @reject-tiefling: The Lovelink Program from Anteros Co. is finally up and running - much to Rock Lee's distaste, and his friends' excitement. Love takes hard work (two things Lee is very passionate about!), but everyone has their moments of self-doubt. Pushing through years and layers of it is hard enough already in the face of a corporation telling him they can make it all easier for a small fee. Complicating things further is the unsettling man from his dreams who Lee has now begun to see in his waking life. What does it mean to properly love a person, specially curated just for you?

Sing a Song of Sleeptide by solas_oiche with art by kairn_orz: Five times that Lee and Gaara share each other’s beds, and one time they share their own.

Triple Time by gidget_goes/@gidget-goes with art by @slap-my-hand: Even a centuries-old war or the bitterest of winter storms won’t dull the lavish gleam of Konoha’s royal court. For Gaara and his siblings, though, the glitz of the aristocracy is just a cover. They’ve been sent North by their father on a deadly mission: to retrieve an ancient artefact, powerful enough to end the war – and the nation of Konoha – for good. But when he begins to fall for a kindhearted serving boy, Gaara finds his loyalties are thrown into disarray. Soon enough, he’s questioning his whole quest for victory. Will he remain true to his father, and fight for crown and glory? Or will new bonds and old dreams push him to strive for peace? And can he manage to convince his family that love is greater than any old treasure? (Probably not. It is a pretty baller artefact.)

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Published: Jan 3, 2019

Researchers have developed a new way of measuring gender inequality which they argue is fairer to both men and women and presents a simplified, but more accurate, picture of people's wellbeing.

The new Basic Index of Gender Inequality (BIGI) focuses on three factors – educational opportunities, healthy life expectancy and overall life satisfaction.

Researchers from Essex and the University of Missouri used these factors to calculate BIGI scores for 134 nations, representing 6.8 billion people. Surprisingly their new measure found men are, on average, more disadvantaged than women in 91 countries compared with a relative disadvantage for women in 43 countries.

Professor Gijsbert Stoet, from the Department of Psychology at Essex, explained: “No existing measure of gender inequality fully captures the hardships that are disproportionately experienced by men in many countries and so they do not fully capture the extent to which any specific country is promoting the wellbeing of all its citizens. “The BIGI provides a much simpler way of tackling gender inequality and it focuses on aspects of life that are directly relevant to all people. Used alongside other existing indicators, it provides additional and different information to give a more complete assessment of gender equality, making it easier for policy-makers to introduce changes to improve the quality of life for both men and women. “We’re not saying that women in highly developed countries are not experiencing disadvantages in some aspects of their lives. What we are saying is that an ideal measure of gender equality is not biased to the disadvantages of either gender. Doing so, we find a different picture to the one commonly presented in the media.” Until now the Global Gender Gap Index, introduced in 2006, has been one of the most established and well-used measures of national gender inequality, used by academics and policy makers across the world But Professor Stoet argues it does not measure issues where men are at a disadvantage, such as harsher punishments for the same crime, compulsory military service and more occupational deaths. He says the complexity of the Global Gender Gap Index also means it is sometimes difficult to distinguish whether gender differences are the result of social inequalities or personal preference.

Professor David Geary, from the Department of Psychological Sciences at the University of Missouri in the United States, said: “We sought to correct the bias towards women’s issues within existing measures and at the same time develop a simple measure that is useful in any country in the world, regardless of their level of economic development.”

Using the BIGI measure, researchers found the most developed countries in the world come closest to achieving equality, albeit with a slight advantage for women. In the least developed countries, women nearly always fall behind men – largely because they have fewer opportunities to get a good education. The picture is more mixed in countries with medium-levels of development, with nearly the same number of countries where women fall behind, as countries where men fall behind. Men’s disadvantage is largely due to a shorter healthy lifespan.

Professor Stoet concluded: “Internationally improvements in gender parity may be reached by focussing on education in the least-developed nations and by focussing on preventative health care, for example in regard to abuse of drugs and alcohol, in medium and highly-developed nations.

“However, resolving gender inequality is only part of what is needed to ensure that all people can reach their full potential. Overall gender parity on its own is not sufficient, because it can simply mean that both men and women lack opportunities in different facets of life quality.”

The BIGI website:  http://bigi.genderequality.info/ provides more detailed information about individual nations.

Note: the above website is no longer accessible, but a snapshot is available via archive.

Original paper:

Published: Jan 3, 2019

Abstract

The Global Gender Gap Index is one of the best-known measures of national gender inequality, used by both academics and policy makers. We argue that that this measure has a number of problems and introduce a simpler measure of national levels of gender inequality. Our proposed measure is based on sex differences in the opportunity to lead a long healthy and satisfied life that is grounded on educational opportunities. The measure better captures variation in gender inequality than other measures, with inclusion of outcomes that can be favorable or unfavorable to either sex, not simply unfavorable to women. We focus on some of the most basic measures available for 134 countries from 2012–2016 (i.e., disadvantages in children’s basic education, life satisfaction, and healthy life span) and we relate these to various measures, including the United Nations' Human Development Index. We found that low levels of human development are typically associated with disadvantages for girls and women, while medium and high levels of development are typically associated with disadvantages for boys and men. Countries with the highest levels of human development are closest to gender parity, albeit typically with a slight advantage for women. We argue that the disparities, when they are found, are related to the sexual division of labor (i.e., traditional gender roles) in poorly developed countries as well as the underinvestment in preventative health care in more developed nations. The Global Gender Gap Index is one of the best-known measures of national gender inequality, used by both academics and policy makers. We argue that that this measure has a number of problems and introduce a simpler measure of national levels of gender inequality. Our proposed measure is based on sex differences in the opportunity to lead a long healthy and satisfied life that is grounded on educational opportunities. The measure better captures variation in gender inequality than other measures, with inclusion of outcomes that can be favorable or unfavorable to either sex, not simply unfavorable to women. We focus on some of the most basic measures available for 134 countries from 2012–2016 (i.e., disadvantages in children’s basic education, life satisfaction, and healthy life span) and we relate these to various measures, including the United Nations' Human Development Index. We found that low levels of human development are typically associated with disadvantages for girls and women, while medium and high levels of development are typically associated with disadvantages for boys and men. Countries with the highest levels of human development are closest to gender parity, albeit typically with a slight advantage for women. We argue that the disparities, when they are found, are related to the sexual division of labor (i.e., traditional gender roles) in poorly developed countries as well as the underinvestment in preventative health care in more developed nations.

Introduction

The constructs "gender equality" and "gender inequality" are frequently used in both academic research (e.g., [1–2]), in the media, and by policy makers. Therefore, it is important that researchers and policy makers have reliable measures of these constructs. We discuss some of the challenges with existing measures and introduce a conceptual approach and an associated measure that helps to resolve or at least mitigate some of theses issues.

Challenges for measuring gender inequality

Apart from political agendas, research on gender inequality has also almost exclusively focused on issues highlighted in the women's rights movement. Issues disadvantaging more men than women have been understudied (for a review, see [3]) and are not heavily weighted (if at all) in widely used measures of gender inequality, such as the highly cited Global Gender Gap Index (GGGI)[4]. Further, the GGGI truncates all values such that no country can, by definition, be more favorable for women than for men (for details see below). As a result, existing measures do not fully capture patterns of wellbeing and disadvantage at a national level. This is an important oversight, as there are issues that disproportionately affect boys and men. Among the many examples are harsher punishments for the same crimes [5] and an overrepresentation (93% worldwide) in the prison population [6]; compulsory military service (in living history or currently [3]); the large majority of homeless people without shelter are men [7]; higher levels of drug and alcohol abuse [8]; higher suicide rates [9]; more occupational deaths [10]; underperformance in schools [2]; and, men are more often victims of physical assault in general (see [3], p.30-33) and within schools, thus limiting educational opportunities [11]. Men are also overrepresented in occupations that are risky (e.g., exposure to toxins [12]) and physically taxing, such as front-line military duty, firefighting, mining, construction, or sewage cleaning.

In many countries, the retirement age is higher for men than women (although there are a few in which women's effective age of labor market exit is later, including Spain, Finland, and France), but even when it is equal, men often have fewer retirement years due to a shorter healthy life expectancy [13].

Finally, polygyny is tolerated in nearly half of all nations and is reported as being negative for women and it often is [14]; for a nuanced discussion see [15]. Polygyny, however, also means that more men than women in these nations are excluded from marriage, a family, and the opportunity to reproduce (given that polygyny leads to an unequal distribution of available partners). In other words, polygyny can be viewed as disadvantageous for most men (irrespective of the fact of whether it is disadvantageous for most women, as noted).

No existing composite measure of gender inequality fully captures the hardships that are disproportionately experienced by men and thus do not fully capture the extent to which any nation is promoting the wellbeing of all of its citizens. This is a major challenge, especially for the Global Gender Gap Index, which caps all disadvantages such that, by its definition, men can never be more disadvantaged than women. In other words, measures such as the GGGI will by design fail to measure any disadvantages experienced by boys and men.

==

"Women have always been the primary victims of war. Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat."

-- Hillary Clinton

[weatherman667]

Realities of Combat: Cover

Unfortunately for everyone, the conception video games have of cover comes from Metal Gear Solid. Why this is unfortunate is that MGS is a stealth game. In fact, when the Metal Gears became more action-oriented, they moved away from the back-against-the-wall cover. Instead he just crouches behind a wall. Because that's what cover is.

Kind of.

There are two kinds of cover:

Cover from sight.

Cover from fire.

Most video games however think that wall=wall, and therefore any wall can stop a bullet. Even if that wall is a glass railing in a shopping mall.

In truth, the best cover a soldiers can have is a small furrow in the ground. We are actually taught to avoid isolated cover. If you hide behind the one tree, you are assuming:

The tree is strong enough to save you. Which, trees are smaller around the outside.

That the enemy doesn't have grenades.

Instead, what you can do is go prone in the tall grass.

The simple act of going prone reduces the size of your target as much as cover would, and the tall grass makes it difficult to know exactly where you are.

But, they can see your bullets? No. What they could see is your muzzle flash. So, soldiers are trained to move before standing up. In battleschool we were literally kicked if we didn't move before standing up.

You might see in video games where you are in cover, and then jump around the corner to shoot. This is actually very useful in extremely close quarters. It prevents them from snap shooting. The further you get away, the smaller the difference is, and the easier it is for the shooter to correct it.

When you are barricading properly, which is the military term for it. Cover is something you hide behind. Barricading is when you shoot around cover. When you are barricading, you expose as little as possible. If you are doing this beside cover, you only have to expose a single eye and a one or two hands. Above cover you have to expose your head.

That's why you have a helmet, right?

ehn... not really. Modern helmets are more designed to stop shrapnel than they are bullets. It will help, certainly, and if you are far enough away, it will deflect it, but I wouldn't count on it.

When you are barricading, instead of throwing a grenade, you can in post it. That's where you stick your hand around the obstacle, and give it a light toss. This is a lot safer, both in the fact that if you miss throwing a grenade around an obstacle, you are now on the wrong side of the obstacle with the grenade, and in the fact that you only have to expose your hand.

I've seen two games that let you post grenades:

Metal Gear Solid(s)

Gal Guardians: Demon Purge

An unlikely combination, I know.

While we're on the topic, Overwatch doesn't mean what video games think it does. What most video games call Overwatch is instead a reaction arc. And that seems like a weird thing to say in combat, and it is. Instead, you point at a soldiers, point at your eyes, and point in a direction. And most of the time, soldiers are trained to know what their arcs are, and watch them on their own.

What Overwatch actually means is if you have a weapon, like a machinegun or sniper rifle, in an elevated vantage point. They have a wide view of the battlefield, and can provide support fire on any enemy positions or targets of opportunity. What's the difference? The OVER part of Overwatch.

[moondust-bard]

Luna’s (free) Tiktok Book Marketing Service — Start Here

Like many viewing this post, I’m a writer who aspires to one day share my finished stories with the world. Learning to market creative works, to interact appropriately and comfortably with readers, and build my confidence as a professional are skills I must acquire to achieve my long-term publishing goals. My dilemma? I’ve yet to finish editing my most developed novel’s draft, which means I’ve no books of my own to offer readers.

Here’s where you come in:

Currently, I have no published works. So… let me market for you.

How It Works

I’ll create a video with your story as my inspiration. I’ll add atmospheric music and free-to-use images edited to suit your story’s aesthetic. All information regarding where to read the book, its cover, its genres, title, and tropes will be shared, too. I create various types of videos. See below for details.

Q&A

To whom is this offer extended? Indie authors— kindle, KU, wattpad writers. Basically, if your story can be read or purchased online and isn’t traditionally published, this offer goes out to you.

What’s your tiktok?

bard_and_book

Where do I sign up?

The google form can be found here

How soon can I expect to see my video on the tiktok account?

It depends. Certain types of videos are easier to make, simply because they require less research and prep on my part. Keep in mind I’m a disabled writer who is offering my time and labor without asking for anything in return. I’m making these because I enjoy the work. Helpibg other creatives brings me so much joy and making art refills my creative well. That said, my health and happiness will always come first. If you leave your contact information in the designated place within the form I’ll do my best to communicate the progress of your book’s video ad.

What sort of photos do you use?

I will only ever use copyright-free images. Using art ethically and not without the artist’s permission is important to me. If a photo used in one of my videos is copyrighted, please inform me immediately. I will correct my mistake and repost the video with that image replaced by a free-to-use alternative.

How can I express my gratitude to you for the work you’re doing?

Thank you for thinking of me! I’d appreciate it if you followed me on tiktok and tumblr. Sharing the videos I create with your readers and writer-friends or reblogging my posts would be an amazing way to show your support for my efforts.

What sorts of scenes will you NOT make videos for or advertise on your page?

I will not share scenes featuring SA, animal death, gore on page, or child death on page on my account. I might consent to advertise books with such content. I do ask that you not submit a scene with these CWs present, however.

What sorts of books will you NOT advertise?

My offer does not extends to nonfiction pieces, christian fiction, weaterns, detective books, military fiction, books with child/adult romances, and fanfiction.

Additionally, books with romanticized or seemingly justified antisemitism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, hate speech, pedophilia, or animal abuse will earn an immediate no from me. I also ask that authors who harbor such beliefs not contact me.

What advice can you give regarding the sorts of scenes I should consider submitting for your tiktok videos?

According to my research, scenes and dialogue exchanges with tension, angst, big reveals, palpable emotion, and cute ‘fluff’ are most popular. What you send me is ultimately up to you. As long as you mind my CW boundaries, I’ll share whatever scenes or lines you choose.

What books, genres, scenes, tropes, etc do you, Luna, prefer to advertise? What content inspires you, personally?

romance — dark, angsty fluffy, and spicy books are welcome

Fantasy

Sci fi

Paranormal

marginalized voices in writing— queer, disabled, PoC, and trans authors

YA, new adult, adult

love declarations and groveling love interests

Love interests who are feral for the main character

flirty exchanges

enemies to lovers or the “villain” gets the happily ever after

character discovers their powers, birthright, true identity, etc

character meeting their friend, romantic interest, enemy, etc for the first time

ballroom or party scenes

Scenes where the love interest says something along the lines of “who hurt you?”

mutual pining

Found family

Vampires, witches, fairies, etc

Dark academia

What sorts of videos do you make?

I’m glad you asked! Here i’ve listed just a few examples. If you don’t see one that catches your interest, I’m more than willing to adapt to fit your vision.

A “If you like this aesthetic, read this book” video, wherein a series of images related to your book’s atmosphere and plot will appear, accompanied by music.

A video featuring a short dialogue exchange pulled from your book. Relevant images and music will also accompany it.

A video showcasing a cool world-building detail from your book

A video introducing your main character, love interest, or villain. This style of video may or may not include memorable quotes said by the character in question. Images and music are included, as well.

A video wherein I, an afab former theatre kid, read a short passage of your book. I’ll read this passage in character, accompanied by relevant images and music.

Can I request more than one video?

Of course! The more of your book you share with the world, the higher its chances of selling well. I’ll also likely repost the videos I make multiple times in order to maximize exposure to readers. Knowing me, I’ve got ideas for other videos I’d like to make about your story. If you’re curious about those ideas, just ask!

NOTE: I reserve the right to refuse a request if it makes me uncomfortable, or I’m struggling to create something for the book I deem acceptable.

[littlebear1537]

HEAD CANON TIME!!

Post-canon FMA:B

After Grumen replaced Bradley, I believe that Roy ended up splitting the government from the miltary. Now the big debate is "Olivier vs. Roy"

Now, when it comes to the military, Olivier is quite skilled at being a commander. She is able to run a whole fort because of her ability to lead and organize. Now Roy is also good at this. However, he does let his emotions get the best of him. Also, with how he is a "war criminal," it's very hard to believe that he'd be able to run the military. Even though he most likely fixed his status at this time, some might have disbelief in his ability to run a military. Olivier calls people who didn't stand up for the Ishvalan war "cowards" and even accepted someone who is hald ishvalan into the fort. It makes more sense if someone like her is in charge of military issues instead of the whole country.

Now I believe that instead of this debate carrying on and everyone gets their correct role, I feel like roy would become the head of government (whatever title they would use) and Olivier becomes head of the military. Roy is VERY MUCH a people person and is looking out for the good of humanity. He also believes in democracy which leads me to believe he is better as the head of government. Olivier, on the other hand, is not someone I could see running a whole country. Her strengths are in the military since she is able to gain respect and become a leader easier. People would probably be terrified of her if she was Prime Minister or something LMAO-

And it fits SO WELL for Roy and Olivier's Dynamic!! Like it makes A LOT of sense. Roy and his group are very much structured to help others and how he runs stuff and very much like a government. With Olivier, she is able to lead a whole battalion and strategize accordingly

Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

[pockymun]

3 and 9 for the ask game! ❤️

(Yet Another) Fanfic Writer Ask Game!

@pandansca

3. What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

Crowe's backstory. There are few fics for her on AO3 that focus solely on her. I have some ideas for it that I have always wanted to play around with. I want to do more writing for her and try to write more for canon characters. But I got caught up in a huge revision project for the rest of the year.

9. What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?

I will always stand by the military ball scene in Etro's Blessing: Andromeda. I have talked about it way too much and approached it from different angles. I suppose in the grand scheme of things, it's not as significant as I claim it is. I will post the revised chapters soon; it was originally one whole chapter, but I split it into two for easier reading. To me, it is one giant scene: Andromeda meets the Nox Fleurets.

First, there's Andromeda floundering through Imperial high society. Then she learns who Ravus really is, because somehow she didn't know about him before and he quickly becomes her most hated enemy. But what was supposed to be most important in that scene was her first encounter with Luna, because Andromeda is meant to be her foil. I had to revise that a bit, and I don't think it comes across as significant as I wanted it to be.

It concludes with Andromeda being mouthy and Ravus nearly backhands her. It's a very tense and revealing moment. It shows Ravus's inner struggle to be the Deputy High Commander of the Imperial Army without becoming a ruthless monster (there's a scene in the novel where Caligo backhands Luna across the room or something; it was probably one of the reasons Ravus joined the Imperial Army). Andromeda finally speaks some of her darker, destructive thoughts that she has had since arriving in Gralea (they first started elsewhere in Niflheim, but became more poignant in Gralea). In that moment, the good girl from Lucis doesn't care who she hurts. I guess the big takeaway from this is that Gralea turns people into monsters, metaphorically and literally.

All the while, Ardyn, who orchestrated this whole thing, is gleefully drinking it all in. He loves military balls for their drama. It's not romantic in any way and by the end, everyone is very angry. I relate to Ardyn a lot for this scene.

A more recent scene that I'm proud of is when Etro helps Andromeda escape captivity in the First Magitek Production Facility (they should have given it a shorter name; I hate typing it every time). I rewrote the original escape so that Etro plays a larger part. Before, Etro asked a lot of Andromeda, but did the bare minimum in return. So she does more, but it's still not enough for Andromeda, who pitches a hysterical fit that Etro won't destroy the whole base. It's a very jarring moment for the goddess: she starts to realize that her special Blessed One might have become too corrupt during her imprisonment, that she might be becoming a monster after all. It prompts Etro to Bless others in the sequel, in case Andromeda doesn't correct her ways. As is Etro's way of handling her mistakes.

What's also so significant with that scene is that Andromeda might be a foil for another character. In their first encounter, Ardyn tells her that they are kindred spirits. Perhaps they do have more in common than at first glance (although she will most definitely die like anyone else if filled with Scourge).

Andromeda does go on to fight for a good cause, but makes morally questionable decisions while doing it.

My favorite scenes seem to involve her being put down.

[atozphantomsquadron]

Chapter 19: My Soul's Shadow

July 17th, continued

Apparently, most of the rank-and-file blueshirts are carried out on the trucks that leave this facility on a regular basis: there’s been some resistance, but not a lot.  Not nearly as much as I had been expecting, at least.  As we’ve been approaching the command facility, William and Michi have been taking out the buildings on our way.  Most times there’s a group of troopers that file out and attack: they’re no real match for us.  We’ve encountered a few supernaturals too, although none like the first two I fought with because these ones have control chips.  One swipe with the Sword actually took out four chips, and now we have some blueshirts as our backups.

It looms ahead of us now.  Inside I’ll meet my fate, one way or another.  The Guardswoman is still present, as I have yet to sheathe the Sword, so I can’t show much in the way of emotion, can’t tell my friends how much I’ll miss them in oblivion.  I look back at them all.

Gabe has his back turned.  He doesn’t want to watch another Guardsman die.  I won’t begrudge him that, at least; he’s been a jerk sometimes, but he’s a good ally when the chips are down.  Michi’s face shows her worry.  She’s wavering a little bit, due to too much power expended through the gauntlet.  It’s taking its toll on her.  She pats the Guardswoman’s armored shoulder once, in encouragement.

William, still the wendigo, almost looks as pleading as Michi does, though the skull face of the wendigo is not one to show emotion.  I can hear it, though, when he speaks to me.

“Good … luck.”

I nod.  It’s the most I can communicate right now.  Sword raised high, I kick in the door of the command building … the only one left standing in the entire Traverse City facility.

I’m ready for anything, except this: darkness.  Only a fizzling security light illuminates anything in the hallway I’ve found myself in.  Sword at the ready, I slowly sidestep my way further into the building.  My own footsteps against the linoleum floor clack loudly, like metal on concrete.  I could almost swear I can hear my own breathing.

“So you have come for me, I assume.”

The booming voice echoes down the passageway.  Scolar …

“Too bashful for words?  I should have expected that … you are a Guardsman, after all.  I’ll bet you’re just aching to find me, aren’t you?”

My wings unfurl.  Not that they’ll do much good in this tight space: they just feel better out right now.

“Admit it, though … didn’t it feel really good doing what you did outside?  Killing those pawns … lighting two scientists afire as you knock their building down!  That’s a true classic, if I do say so myself.  You should embrace the darkness sometimes, because it’s a great stress reliever!”

I still can’t see him.  It’s all on loudspeakers, and the echo is starting to get disorienting.

“Can’t find me?  Well, that’s a shame.  Here, let me make it easier on you.”

The lights come on all at once.  And there he is.  Scolar, his uniform creased to the nines, the impeccable military man, stands in front of me, a sick grin across what little of his face I can see under the eye shields.

He’s clapping.

“Well done, well done indeed, Sharpe.  Oh, pardon the familiarity, but I know you have to be a Sharpe to carry that weapon, to hold this role.”

My grip tightens on the Sword.  I just want to run him through right now!

“Now let’s see, where did we leave off?  That night at Trinity Site?  You do remember Trinity Site, am I correct?”

He’s lowering his hands.  I can see now that the Sabre has a small snap-strap over its finger guard: he’s unhooking it.

“I think I remember it well.  You nearly defeated me, Sharpe.  Let’s see how well you fare now.  Now that your control is even more questionable!”

He draws the Sabre.  The hellish armor closes around him, and for a minute there I think I can almost see him grin.  That grin remains plastered on his face as the death’s-head helmet closes around him, obscuring him in the girding of Hell itself.

“Show me what you’re made of now!”

Okay, Gabe never mentioned before that the Invader could talk.  The taunt only enrages the Guardswoman, though, and I charge the Invader.  His Sabre comes up and clashes against the Sword, leading to a clanging noise that sounds like an explosion.  The battle has begun in earnest.

For a short time, we wrestle each other, blade-to-blade, each trying to force the other back.  I don’t know if it’s the wings or what, but I feel like I’m starting to push him further down the passageway.  The strain is felt all through my being.

Just when I think I have the upper hand, though, he lowers his head and shoulders and shoves.  The push knocks me back sprawling.  I keep the Sword in my hand, just barely, and try to stop my backward momentum with my wings, although they don’t dig in quite as well as I’d hope.  I regain my feet, bringing the Sword to the ready.

“Immature hatchling.”

Now what is that supposed to mean?  It fires me up and I charge him again.  He slides along the wall to avoid my charge and slices across my back.  I can feel the blade cutting into my wings, shocking me awake with the pain.  I wheel around and return to some position where I can face him, although the crippling pain in my back keeps me from bringing the Sword to bear.

He’s not waiting for me to be ready, though, he’s making his charge.  The Sabre is raised high above his head … he’s going to finish me off …

At the last possible second I drop the Sword and do a trick I’ve been dying to try ever since Durga did it … I slap the flat of the Sabre between my hands to catch it on the downward swing, throwing a foot into the Invader’s gut and flinging him over me, using his own momentum.  He sprawls in the passageway.  The Sabre clatters down the hall. 

He seems surprised that I’d do this kind of trick.  Buddy, you ain’t seen nothing yet!

I open my mouth and launch fire toward where he landed.  He scrambles and runs for his weapon: I narrow my mouth to precisely pinpoint my flames, heating up the handle of the Sabre.  He can’t handle it without mind-blowing pain now, a fact he finds out when he tries to wield it and he singes the flesh on the palm of his hand.

He screams his discontent, then narrows his eyes at me.  “You think you’re so tricky, don’t you?”

I can’t help but smirk.  “I have my ways.”

He harrumphs.  “Two can play this game.”  He pulls out a pistol … one I hadn’t ever noticed on him, and starts firing toward me.  I try to intercept the rounds with fire, but it only leads to small globs of molten lead which continue to fly toward me.

Time to up the ante.

I crouch down low on the floor of the passage and focus my energy into my body.  I’m satisfied when the growth begins.

“Time for you to reap what you sow, General!”

My wings are going to be useless since he sliced them, but maybe the strength will help.  The dragon continues to grow out of me, until she completely fills the passage way.  I bring myself upright, taking the rest of the building with me.  Rubble crashes away from me, but not quickly enough: for the parts of the building that remain standing, I have fire.

I look down and locate Scolar.

I don’t believe it.  He’s laughing.

“Reap what I sow?  Isn’t this the shadow of your existence, Sharpe?  Isn’t this what you’re afraid of, that you’ll be a monster?”

His grin is really grating on me.  I reach for him and try to swipe at him, trying to smash him like a bug, but he leaps backward and grabs the Sabre.  I can see where the temperature of the hilt is cooking his hand, but he still picks it up and slips into the Invader once more.

The Sword … where’s the Sword?

I’ve misplaced my own weapon in the rubble.  I start digging, looking desperately … finally I find it.  I grab it in my dragon hand.  The armor of the Guardswoman closes around me, but I remain a giantess, nearly double the height of the Invader.  I try to use this to my advantage and swing the Sword down on his head.

He parries.  “You think brute force will do the job?  You’re no better than your father!”

That makes me hesitate.  What does he mean?  I swing again, only this time the Invader knocks the blow aside, which sends the giant me sprawling.

“You deluded fool.  You think you’re doing the right thing.  You think you’re living up to the birthright … I can tell you now, you’re unworthy.  Unworthy of that sword.  Unworthy of your family name.  I’ve killed Sharpe children who put up more of a fight!”

This Sharpe child is about to prove you wrong.  I am worthy.  I am the Guardsman of this generation. 

My rage is blinding me again.  The grip on the Sword tightens.

“Now you lie there helpless … just like your worthless mother.”

That snaps it.  Grip tight on the Sword, I swing for his head … and I make contact.  The impact feels earth-shattering.  I can briefly see where I’ve cleaved a deep gash in the Invader’s helmet before it flies off of his head on the follow-through of the swing, revealing Scolar’s scarred face, still hiding behind the eye shields.

They’re cracking …

A small crack is passing from one side of the eye shields to the other.  There’s a shocked expression on his face.

I’ve never been this close to him before … his breathing sounds weird.  Almost …

Wait, what did Julian say?  “He occasionally mutters to himself, I can’t usually make out what he says but it sounds like a name.”

It’s not his breathing.  It’s the muttering.

The name. 

My heart starts sinking.  I know the name …

“Ariel.”

I sheathe the Sword: I doubt the fight will continue because the General looks too shocked.  The crack continues to form, until it’s completely across the eye shields, completely crossing his face.

They shatter, almost in slow motion.  They fall off of the man’s face.

It’s one I know very well.

It’s my father.

[gender-trash]

fully agree w your second paragraph!! also if i'm *sigh* going to start getting into arguments about capitalism i want to be upfront that i personally believe universal basic income/decoupling the need to do a job from the means of living a decent life, combined with automation of dangerous/boring jobs that nobody wants to do if they're receiving ubi, is the best solution here.

the place where i specifically disagree with you, i think, is here:

But, capitalists ARE the reason that there isn't as much as much funding for doing non military robotics research and making progress on open problems. They want quick profits but robotics is in the VC parlance "deep tech" so you're going to be spending a lot of money and it may not lead to a profitable product. It's risky. Way easier to be disruptive via regulatory capture.

my experience in robotics -- and this is an industry i've been orbiting for many years; i haven't spent a huge amount of time in research but i currently work for a venture-funded robotics startup and have interned for four or five others -- is that there is a pretty good-sized amount of industry investment in what i consider unsolved problems.

i talked about this more in a different branch of my post which you probably haven't seen, but there are plenty of problems in robotics which academia considers "solved", or boring, or something, and which industry considers "unsolved" in that they aren't actually... *reliably* solved. and converting flaky research-grade stuff into something reliable enough that it can actually be used without a team of laptop-toting roboticists babying it along is really, really important for further research as well as for commercialization, but academic incentives generally push researchers to write the shittiest, flakiest code i've ever seen in my life to get something that barely works, basically regardless of how much funding/resources they get. (this conversion process is not necessarily "creating products" but it is a necessary step *for* creating products, and also for any automation whatsoever.)

also i don't think you're entirely correct on the VC funding landscape -- it's true that a lot of funds won't touch robotics or hardware generally, but usually this isn't because it's riskier, it's because hardware doesn't scale as absurdly fast as software does. on the other hand, robotics startups looking for venture funding are incentivized to find new kinda-experimental research-grade stuff nobody else is using yet and try to make it work in The Real World, because when you're pitching your startup this helps you answer the question "why you? why hasn't anyone else done this yet?" with "because we're using new thing FOOBAR and our team has more experience with it than anyone else and that's why we're gonna make it work". so venture-funded startups wind up being the people who put in the work to make the flaky research-grade shit usable (which feeds back to research as well).

ANYWAY, that's somewhat beside the point.

the thing i really don't get about the argument is that... for example, amazon is investing a lot in robotics for warehouse automation and specifically in manipulation/picking, because of capitalistic incentives! it is way better for them as a company if they can replace their human warehouse employees (who have a genuinely godawful job, and unsurprisingly a lot of turnover) with robots, as long as the robots work reasonably well -- even if the robots are more expensive to operate per hour than the humans receive in wages, robots can work longer hours more consistently, and you don't have to constantly replace them when they randomly quit because their job is terrible and abusive. capitalistic/market incentives are the reason why amazon invests in manipulation; they're the reason why any company or VC firm invests in automation.

so that's where i'm coming from! but i'd genuinely love to hear your thoughts on this.

I got a little excited talking about robotics so I went into full engineer mode but obviously the OP is wrong on the ideological priors. A lot of problems in robotic automation are open and unsolved. Robotics is much much harder than software. But, capitalists ARE the reason that there isn't as much as much funding for doing non military robotics research and making progress on open problems. They want quick profits but robotics is in the VC parlance "deep tech" so you're going to be spending a lot of money and it may not lead to a profitable product. It's risky. Way easier to be disruptive via regulatory capture. As institutions have in the last two decades, especially in engineering pivoted aggressively to the private partnership model ala Stanford/Bay Area nexus even institutional research looks to create products instead of core research.

The more commie critique of the "why isn't automation taking away dangerous jobs and only taking the fun ones" is that taking away the fun ones has suddenly become possible right now and is affecting a certain type of content creator. We have been taking away some dangerous and boring jobs, that has been happening for a while, pretty unnoticed. It also decimates communities, just that those communities are less important to the media cycle. Sometimes, especially in the imperial core automation is more expensive than brutalising some third world citizens to do the robots jobs. It is obviously because of capitalism that it is even possible to deprive people to the extent that they are forced to accept shit wages.

[the-firebird69]

You hear them all jibber jabbering then they're sitting there doing nothing about your situation and they didn't all night and we're hitting the guy and we're taking stuff and money and they're taking the banks over they didn't say they don't care. We're taking the money he took from Max and keeping it and taking over the investments and where keeping them, and we're taking the assets and equipment and land that they took for Max and keeping them and the max don't seem to care they just want to sit there and make faces and be assholes say stuff we're going to dominate that's what we have to do in these animals and the other idiots are proving that's what we have to do. Now Tommy f is trying for rain using the idiots. So going after him. Those guy Trump is actually on trial right now he's saying his next door and your son says he is next door he's over there and it's true this may have been yesterday or he may have shot off the trial and comes back I don't know what we think is this happened already they keep on playing it over and over it's found guilty any belongs in jail after time is going to end up there. And we see it too trying to side trackers is an a****** I have it right here in front of me and writing but he says it's still annoying and we're going to use it against them right now we have several Banks that we're going to take over. The banks were going after now are

*bb and t and right now we have about 50% of it in our possession

*key Bank give me about 70% of it but that bank is going to be more or less defined except for New York City and what's adjusting they moved there main branch in New York and they won't so far that they're going to be forced to when they do the bank is going to be easier to deal with because the minorities will be pouring in around it it's a good idea and they'll probably start doing it earlier and we will take it over and will use that function too but really we're in the process of taking it over and then we'll order the headquarters moves which is a handy thing and people think that maybe they can get them to go up there

*Chase Manhattan this bank we have not taken over fully right about 80%. It's the largest bank on Earth yes it's huge and it is full of subsidiaries that are famous and it has investment firms and everything and it's a giant giant effort in a few days we're going to have most of it and it's due to John remillard and his antics

*Bank of America we're going to on Lock stock and barrel and the signing is coming up we have one set up tomorrow for the main bank all the branches and investment firms

*TD Bank and they have obnoxious things to say rude stuff to talk about but it will be ours shortly and we're going to own It Lock stock and barrel

*wachovia Bank we are moving in on this Bank to take over fully and we are setting up a signing for tomorrow along with TD Bank and we're going to try and wrap it up today at the event centers where they're located.

*China Bank we're taking it over today and big parts of the government, that sounds correct the military is shared as other police and it's a constant fight and we are working on it but it is going to increase in tempo now

*HSBC is the Chinese concern but it's not owned by Chinese people it's owned by Max and recently the idiot bought it out and he owns and runs it he says but he's lost most of the shares in it doesn't have any money in it he is around 10 or 15% share and he's going to get knocked out with the upcoming Neptune event. And we're planning on assigning sometime next week probably Wednesday uriel and goddess wife inform us.

There's several other banks in the smaller but they're all over the United States and we are taking them over one of them is

*the Bank of California it's not a big Bank our Sunday money in there and he still does and it's a lot of money and they won't give it to him because they're a bunch of stupid idiots so I'm going to take care of them and we're going to take care of all of them didn't show up and we're going to take over the bank right now we have 50% of it in a few days we'll have 100% and mostly it's on the West Coast and yes we are building RTA facilities and for dirt bikes enduros those choppers and other in California for assembly and for parts making and it's working

*bundesbank and it's really called the Deutsche Bank but it's the new name and we are 50% done taking it over and we're going to go for the rest of it this week it is a wonderful banking system it handles most of Europe's finances it used to handle the world's finances until John remillard came by and blew it out and messed it up and he's a failure he doesn't care that much because he's bum and it's dangerous it's iconic and he's a killer The psychotic not iconic and he is Charles Manson the sooner he's gone the better

*there's a few other Banks one of them is the Cayman Islands and it has many banks out there and they're all generic names Island Bank bank of the Caymans and people have a ton of money in them and it's real money. In the Swiss banks and we're going after the and we need a volunteers for this duty and we need that we need it badly and we need for every position you can imagine

Thor Freya

We approve this message and we're part of it and I understand it's urgent and we need to get going on it John remillard is one thing and we're training him dry there's other things in the bank that makes it work. And one of them is that we go ahead and try and invest using our money and find out that people are trying to take it when you're investing it. And when we have large sums of money that we try and use when it's in there so I wish you initiate a construction program of our own it's fine and dandy to build buildings for them and do construction projects but we want to do projects that are ours and it's only 10% of the total at this time and that's not good. And we want to start up the program that we had the Midwest so I'm asking that Olympus meets with everybody who is running that and we may have to tailor make it for the perimeter but it was similar enough that we can work out the details and investigate and find out what we have to do differently how we need to do together and we need to do it promptly on this money and situation won't change we also need to initialize a second part and I myself is thinking of it just now with Bitol and goddess wife, we'll put pressure on our funds to make it real and we will start gripping the funds out of their hands just like we did with John greenbelord by take him to court on violations of the law on large civil matters and things that have to do with me which we can make a big deal out of and we just start taking their money old school and new school meeting using the courts and using old school stuff like I'm sitting here it's mine and we have to start doing that now and the third way to do it I did mention it a little but it's to operate and use the money to buy materials for all sorts of things and to make it work and to make it real and we're working on that now so there are three major programs that I wish Olympus to initialize today and if they're rickety that's fine we can man up and we're going to formulate formula procedures as soon as we can so please go ahead and set those things up and Hera can answer questions verbally and she will assist in the setting it up she says yes okay that sounds good and some other stuff

Zues

Yes I'm here this program sound great and the real reason why it's not going forward it's like we need to we need to get out here and we need to have that program initialized out here and I know who it was and I'd like to hit up that meeting cuz I was a crucial part of it everyone says it and you're going to see me be a crucial part out here people need it and they need it now and he's got great ideas and he's looking at one of them is renovations nobody out here does renovations out here it'll be exercising our money because we'd have to be buying materials and small way but in a huge numbers of people and they be trying to mess with it and we'd have big teams connected to it I want to go ahead with that as soon as we can and set up small construction companies everywhere we have some but not that many and that's the fourth program but I'm going to start it up and it sounds great so I'm going to get going on

Hera

We hear about this and we advise ours it's a great idea and we're going to go ahead with it and we're going to start it up now. And we're going to sit down in a meeting and talk about these four and there's a few more that will work perfectly it's about infiltration and spying and it's the more hard side of things and we must do it and we need support and this would offer it and we need the money controlled in this Anderson and explain it and we're going to go forwards

Thor Freya

We have an infiltration program we beginning it now in Earnest and it's huge and I do need everyone to pay attention and that portion of the meeting it's very difficult arduous is a tough thing to do and these people make up stories about people and you have to dispel them anyways and I see what you're saying we need to infiltrate here and stop them we're going ahead and we're going to start doing that

Nuada Arrianna

You have a massive number of people who are bothering us every day I wanted curtailed and he's right we're putting up with it and it's not right

I'm going to have these meetings and it's going to solve the problem otherwise it will just continue there's another issue that we can sell products out here but we need to have offices for selling boats we need to have a boat place and we need to do that and he said I don't care if you set up a little teeny post office of New Brunswick size place that's an office for both place and just get it in and they're saying we understand that but we're going to go ahead and do it and mac daddy wants it done anyways so we have to take advantage of these things right now I'm sending salespeople in to do it right now and I hope everybody else will pick some and let's get together and decide where we go each

Olympus

[queenwille]

@shecamefromplanetclaire

lmao. you dumb little meathead, i didn’t disprove anything. can you even read? take a deep deep breath of fresh air, a sip of cold water <maybe find a brain> and read again. it says the US does send aid, but for military purposes and not to subsidize israeli lives like y’all like to think, so you can hold everyone around you in a chokehold and patronize them, just the way you’ve always liked to. you ain’t paying for no one’s life with your 25$ a year and it ain’t israelis’ fault your government doesn’t ask you if they can do it. it’s just literally how governments work all around the world, but ok. with the money you send israel you basically pay so the middle east doesn’t become a black hole of terror that will come and bite your heads off. don’t worry though, most of the outrageous taxes you pay do stay in the US. did it ever give you free healthcare like the rest of the modern western world though..? maybe y’all should start being a little more worried about what happens in your borders form time to time.

and about ChatGPT? not the greatest of sources, you are correct on that, but y’all are so fucking lazy to do even the bare minimum of reading before you run your mouths, so i gave you an easier option. don’t worry though, an simple google will find you the same, but with many many words. hope you can handle it without making shit up on the way 😉

for example:

americans on a daily basis: “ISRAELIS SHOULD THANK ME, MY TAXES SUBSIDIZE THEIR LIFE!”

since you won’t believe anyone that israel has a very strong and blooming economy though being the size of a pea and filled with jews, maybe you’ll believe AI? let’s ask ChatGPT™️!

it’s fine if you don’t agree with your country funding these specific things, it’s your right, i won’t tell you anything about objecting to this even if it also indirectly benefits americans (i can show you chatgpt’s answer to why would the US do that), but don’t make up fake narratives to belittle israelis and how hard they work because you disagree with their politics/government.

also, ever wondered just how much of your taxes go to israel? don’t worry i was intrigued as well with so much vintage antisemitism about being a money sucking jew, so i wanted to know just how much and i asked!

[notmrskennedy]

Bites and Bullet Holes

(Spencer Reid x Female leaning but sorta GN! Reader)

Summary: Spencer, during college, was bitten by a dog. Working a case involving dogs brings back old memories and friends...

W/C: 3,384

Warnings: Dog bites, bullet holes, bad writing? 

A/N: Guess what I found y’all? I haven’t edited it one single bit but I hope it goes over well anyway. When I was working at the kennel I kept having anxiety over one of my kids getting into a fight so I made this. Be a little extra gentle with this one. 

---

As he leaned over the victim, he made the mistake of thinking about you. Spencer thought he’d gotten over it. The whole randomly thinking about you thing—the thing that’s happened too many times before. He’d chalked it up to you being best friends 15 years ago. Told himself that it’s normal to miss your friends from college. 

But over a dead body? This was new. 

Though he supposes the dead girl could’ve looked like you in another timeline. There’s facial structure similarities—at least to you 15 years ago at 19. She’s been strangled with her dog’s leash and there’s some unspoken quality about her that just…jerks him into nostalgia over you. 

(You are probably the one that got away, but if he’s being honest, you live in DC. He could go see you right now if he wanted to.)

Morgan leans over Spencer and points at the dog leash. “It had to be someone she knew if the dog went off with our un-sub.”

Spencer nods, fidgeting with the 15 year old scars on the inside of his wrist. Whether or not Morgan noticed, he thankfully doesn’t press. Spencer is having enough trouble stamping down that knee-jerk reaction to think about you, let alone if Derek thinks to point out the magical, ‘hey weren’t you bitten by a dog?’

Spencer doesn’t remember the incidence well enough to comment. He wonders if you do. 

“We’ll have to check shelters for the dog,” Spencer remarks. “3.3 million dogs enter shelters every year in the US.” 

Morgan nods, pulls off a glove, pulls out his phone. Spencer looks around the park. Behind the police tape are plenty of people walking their dogs. The sorts of breeds that you’ve gushed about 15 years ago. His brain knew too much about dobermans, shepherds, mallinois—he could even hear that pretty little gasp you had when you’d point out a particularly well trained monster of a pet. 

Spencer wonders if you ever did anything with your finance degree, if you even ended up finishing college at all. You’d come close to dropping out over calculus—he hadn’t been around long enough to help you through the even harder stuff. This wasn’t the first time he’d wanted Garcia to look you up, but it was the first time he’d considered it. 

“Music to my ears, mama,” Morgan laughs into the phone and Spencer tunes back in. 

“I’ll get that puppy BOLO out,” Garcia chirps back. Spencer can imagine her wringing a fluffy pencils through her fingers. “We’re going to find this doggie and make sure that psycho didn’t get him too.”

Spencer smiles despite himself. Penelope would’ve liked you. 

#

JJ sets coffee down in front of his stack of files. She smiles, gracefully sits down next to him. Spencer tries his best to ignore her insistence. Tries to ignore the ever prominent eye contact screaming ‘We’re going to talk about something uncomfortable!’ 

“So, Spence,” she says, pausing for his attention with a sip of her own coffee. He looks up for half a glance before going back to the files. He doesn’t know why, but he’s sure there’s something in this stack of work the first victim had brought home with her. They all knew the un-sub, he had to be somewhere. 

“Spencer,” she says more insistently. He makes the mistake of looking up, of letting her place a hand on his. She gently turns the wrist over and pointedly glances towards the teeth marks. “Are you doing okay?”

He opens his mouth, but decides some things are better kept to himself. He thinks about saying that no, he wasn’t alright, that being plagued by thoughts of the first-love-of-his-life is haunting him more than the dog fight. 

That he can see your face in each of these victims. In their dogs. In the places they died. 

Dogs didn’t like him. They never did. The dog bite wasn’t the big deal out of the altercation. 

JJ won’t understand, so he offers her a truthful smile and says, “I’m okay. Seriously. More than 4.5 million people are bitten by dogs each year. I’m not special.”

JJ nods. Spencer goes back to his files. He forgets to hide his lovesick agony. JJ forgets not to notice. 

#

It’s 4AM and he knows he’s remembering it wrong. That the dog hadn’t been that big. That the teeth hadn’t really gotten him that bad. The bright red devil eyes and thousand yards of slobber were more than grossly incorrect. 

He sits up in bed and forces himself to remember the parts that were real. How real you had been. Before and after. 

Your car had broken down as you were leaving for work—already late—and you’d begged him for a ride. Promised calculus homework on your boss’s couch and only having to let the dogs out. No shit. No bleaching crates. No nothing. Just you, him, and some calculus homework. 

He’d caved. Now, running his hands over his eyes, he laughs at how obvious he had to have been. A skinny little 19 year old pimple of a boy majorly crushing on the first person to pick him out of a crowd and decide they’d be friends. The first friend who’d forced him to a tailgate at a football game. The only person he’d do absolutely anything for. 

And it was just like you promised. Your cute little nose wrinkle. Your horribly frustrated glares. Your over dramatic ‘I’m dropping out!’s every fifteen minutes. And it’d been great until you both heard a thunderous snap of a wooden fence and the wildest, most murderous howling he’d ever heard. 

You’d both bolted for the door, scrambling to get through the gates into the back. There’d been a moment of calm. Another beat. Another. And…you both had stumbled around the corner to find the next door neighbour’s dog, broken chain, trying to kill one of the kennel’s dogs. 

There had been no moment’s hesitation on Spencer’s part. He’d stupidly rushed forward, lodged his hand between the neighbour’s mutt and the sweetest dog he’d ever met. He’d yanked her free from the mutt’s jaws, only to find his own wrist dragging along the teeth. 

(He realised later that he’d always had a propensity to run head first into danger. No calculations needed.)

There’d been two beats for the dog to process it’s chew toy was in Spencer’s arms. To process that Spencer made a better victim. That Spencer’s throat and limbs were softer and easier to tear. Thankfully, he’d scrambled back enough that when the dog launched, it didn’t catch flesh. It chomped on air. Less than three inches from him. 

Fangs. Tightened lips. Black gums. Slobber. 

The mutt could be equated to Stephen King’s The Sun Dog. Always hesitant to process his trauma, it’s the one book—gifted by you during a Halloween birthday for him—that sits untouched on his bookshelves. There’s too much of you in the inscription in the cover. Too much of that horrible mutt in the pages. 

The next part of the night blurred in his memories. In his near perfect memory, it blurred. Trauma, right? 

You’d screamed. You were in front of him. You had the dog’s chain in your hands. He was running. The dog was heavy in his arms. His arm stung. You were screaming. He should’ve gone back. 

Five god-awful minutes later, you’d come into the house. Limping. Clutching onto your arm. You’d taken one look at Spencer running his wrist under the tap and forgotten about your own injuries. Despite the blood dripping off your arm. Or the quiet yelp every time you stretched. You’d barely taken ‘I’m fine, you’re the one bleeding’ as a reason to not bandage him up first. 

The only thing that calmed down the dream every time he had it was the memory of holding your hand while you got stitches. How your face pinched with the pain. How you’d said, ‘next time, it’s your turn to take the bullet.’ How he’d smiled and promised. 

Spencer watches the clock tick by and decides it’s too late to go back to sleep. Hotch’ll be up in an hour. No need to delay his start. Women were dying. Women you would’ve been friends with.

#

“Okay, crime-fighters, I found our connection,” Garcia chirps over the speaker phone. “All of our victims attended very specialised dog training courses at a facility just outside of DC. The owner said they’d send in one of their trainers to talk to you. Should be there anytime now.”

“What kind of specialised training?” Emily asks. Spencer feels like he should be contributing, should be processing any of this, but his head is pounding. He doesn’t have a hangover, but god does it feel like it. 

Garcia hums as she types. “It’s a military facility. Awww, they’ve got puppy pictures on their website!”

“Garcia—“

“Right, right. It’s a top notch facility and oh! A bunch of the FBI dogs graduate from there. I wonder if they get little caps and gowns and—“

“Hey, baby girl, the trainer’s here. We gotta run,” Morgan interrupts, though he’s all smiles to stare at whomever is plaguing his interest. 

There’s another squeal of please get puppy pictures before the call cuts and Spencer finally has the self preservation to look. And god does he look. 

15 years has made no difference on your skin and he can’t believe he’s not staring at you from across a lecture hall. The only indication you’ve changed is the nervous smile you’ve plastered on and the dog at your side. Every fun fact about german shepherds instantly crosses his mind and he can’t help but drop his jaw a little further. 

It sinks to the floor when you spot him and wave. You wave. At him. In front of coworkers. 

He’s out of his seat before he can stop himself. That easy smile reserved for movie nights falls back into place on your lips. Twinkles in your eyes. 15 years haven’t passed. Maybe he needs to check for pimples again. 

“Y/n,” he croaks and the same time his name leaves your lips. The dog at your side stands and you correct the gesture with a harsh word in what he’s sure is German. 

“FBI, huh?” Your eyes trail over every inch of him, crossing your arms in a relaxed, familiar kind of way. “I expected more math, Mr. I Like Derivatives.”

“The shepherd there doesn’t look like finance either, y/n,” he teases back like no time has passed. Like he doesn’t immediately feel incredibly guilty for ditching you for the academy. 

“Oh come on,” you huff, “you really think that I was cut out for an office job? I lasted six months.”

And before he can warn you, even think about warning you about the team that’s slowly creeping up behind him, they are all suddenly there. Very keen on knowing the ins and outs of how you know Dr. Spencer Reid. 

“Reid, you gonna introduce us?” Morgan smirks, clapping a painful hand on Spencer’s shoulder. You busy yourself with petting the dog at your hip, looking everywhere but Morgan’s insistent gaze. 

“Guys, this is my friend y/n from college.” 

JJ raises an eyebrow at the lack of explanation, but plows ahead with introductions. Takes charge of guiding you to an interview room. Gets through the entire interview without once asking about your relationship with him. 

Morgan watches Spencer rubbing the scars and makes the leap. “You okay, kid?” 

Spencer breaks from staring at your face as you talk about getting your start in Germany—Germany—and swallows. This was fine. It’s okay to tell his friend—his brother—about the story he’s never really talked about. 

“I stupidly put myself in the middle of a dog fight,” Spencer grits out, flexing and un-flexing his fingers. Every scar burns and he can’t help but stare at your smile again. “Y/n saved my life. She choked out the dog, Morgan, before he got a hold of me. Left the hospital with 12 stitches.”

“Oh,” was his all too helpful response. They both turned back to the interview. How everything jovial about your entire countenance shifted once JJ started mentioning the victims. 

“Look, Agent Jareau,” you say, leaning dangerously far away from the conversation, “They are—they were really smart women with some dangerous dogs. I don’t know—I just—there’s a lot of sickos out there.”

Every profiler within a 20 mile radius can hear the change in tone, can hear the fear. Spencer knows a lot can change in 15 years, but he thought for sure you’d never become a serial killer. He doesn’t know if it’s all his years in the bureau or if he’s still too attached to you, but you don’t seem like the killer. Not like JJ seems to think so. Sure, you’re terrified, but the dog you have is nosing your arm. Giving you big ole puppy eyes. Spencer doesn’t think a serial killer can pour that much into a relationship with an animal. 

“What do you mean?” JJ clocks the movement and switches to a maternal type of body language, tone. “Is there something going on?”

Your hand pauses on the dog’s head, and it noses your hand into action. “I, uh, just got a weird letter two weeks ago. It wasn’t—it was just weird. Off-putting.”

“Right before the first victim,” Spencer mutters. Weird letters indicated stalking. Victims with you as a central point meant stalking. Stalking meant you were probably next. Oh, god, you were next. 

JJ stretched a hand across the table and took yours. “You’ll get through this. You’ll get through this, y/n.”

#

Spencer didn’t know what to do with his hands. It was so much worse than normal. Should he stand? But what should he do with his hands because crossing them seemed too defensive? Or should he just sit down? But where? And was that rude?

Instead, he just took the cup of tea you offered and followed you like a lost puppy. Granted, it was your house and he was definitely lost. He also felt vaguely at home—there were a decent amount of bookshelves by his standards and even more mismatched furniture than he had. The house was well cared for and when you sat him down on your couch, you swept away a stack of training manuals, all sporting worn covers. 

Was it wrong to feel like he was settling onto your old apartment couch for movie nights?

You puff out a breath of air and lean your head dramatically into the back of the couch. “So, since you’re my FBI escort, is it wrong to ask if you still like cheesy 90s movies?”

He shakes his head. Grins. “You still have Legally Blonde?”

You just giggle as you head for a stack of movies. You strike up some conversation as you rummage and he knows he’s hooked all over again. It’s going to take weeks to get over you again. It’d taken months the last time, and he feels slightly less attached this time. But did he really think it would take more than a simple question about the latest thing he’s read? He wishes he knew you better, just as well as you seem to still know him. 

Though by the end of the movie, you’ve both returned to your college days. Practically curled into each other’s side. You still have horrible commentary about the movie, peppered in with Spencer’s annoying movie trivia. If it was anyone else, he figures, he would’ve been kicked out long ago. 

You still distinctly smell of vanilla, flailing the scent around as you move closer and further and closer again. You wear enthusiasm with your whole body and if you aren’t turning rapidly between facing Spencer and the movie, how could you possibly begin to explain correctly? 

Your shoulder keeps a constant pressure against his, your knees half over his thigh. There’s too many instances of hollering and laughing that you grab onto his knee to steady yourself. If this hadn’t been a protective detail, he might’ve lost his mind. 

Thank god for focus. Work. Work. Work. Not your hands on his knee. Definitely not your smile as you declare your affection for scented resume stationary. Totally not how hot it’s getting under your too affectionate gaze. 

“Spence, I really missed this,” you whisper, nudging your shoulder with his. “I know it’s weird to be thrown together after 15 years, but I—I missed you.”

“I—“ missed you too; fell in love with you in college; think I love you now. 

But there’s no time for heartfelt declarations when someone’s incessantly banging on the door. Spencer’s got half a mind to get the door for you, holster his gun, focus on keeping you safe. The banging doesn’t soften as he calls out that he’s on his way. If anything it gets worse. 

And it should’ve been the first red flag of the night. 

Spencer opens the door and thinks very loudly, “why the fuck do I always run headfirst into danger?” 

Their un-sub, a buzzcut that looks more Army that not, shakes a pistol at Spencer and demands to be let inside. There’s only so many ways to defuse the situation, so he back ups, tucks you behind him. Their un-sub winds a little tighter, shaking like one of those monkeys with cymbals. 

“McLaggen?” you whimper behind Spencer and the Army man fires a shot into the floor. You grip tighter onto Spencer’s shirt, digging in your fingers dangerously close to his skin. 

The buzzcut is red, boiling over with rage, words bubbling out of his throat. “Y/n, I just can’t stand to see you with them. You never notice me. You’re always working, so I thought I’d get your attention. Cut the competition. I just—you mean so much to me, y/n. You mean too much.”

Spencer is sure he won’t remember this day accurately as he pushes you just a little further behind him. He’s about to do something so incredibly stupid. Dear lord, why the fuck is he like this? And he lunges. 

The gun’s trapped in both of their hands. There’s one more bullet fired—at the ground he’s sure. There’s a squeak of fear. Just enough of a distraction. One more ounce of weight thrown around. One more lasting punch. McLaggen lands on the floor. The gun skitters away. McLaggen groans as he’s handcuffed.

You gasp and he realises immediately that he’s bleeding. That he’s on the floor. That there is a bullet lodged in his thigh. Again. 

One string of swears later, you’re on the phone with 911. Yes, he’s shot. Yes, there’s another in handcuffs. No, I’m not a whore, send the damn ambulance.  

You take his hand as he lays there, much like he did in the hospital 15 years ago. Unlike then, you’ve got tears pricking at your eyes. You’re sniffling like a school girl, and he’s not sure if you’ve said that aloud. 

“Spencer!” You wipe a stray tear. Squeeze his hand too tightly. “Why the hell, you freakin’ moron, did you take a bullet for me?”

He laughs, bubbling up out of his chest before he can stop it. You are too pretty to be this upset at his laughter. You are too lovely to be worried about him. To still be worried, like nothing has changed one bit. 

Every inch of him is trembling. Blood loss and bullets are bitches.

“Y/n,” he wheezes through dry lungs and more leg pain than he remembers there being, “I promised.”

You blink your eyes. What the hell are you talking about, Spencer Reid, you absolute idiot?

“I promised I’d take the next bullet. In the hospital.” He grins, groans as he moves to drag you into a hug. “I’m a man of my word, y/n, and I promise that if I keep the leg, we’re going out. Properly.”

“You’re lucky I like you,” you grumble into his ear and squeeze his neck tighter. If the paramedics don’t bother to pull you off, who’s to say you won’t stay like that forever? Attached to the loveable, danger prone idiot, who traded dog bites for bullet holes?