#mike wheeler’s trauma

[the--last-great-american-dynasty]

i really hope this is discussed in s5, along with all the other significant trauma this boy has, because he went through it and witnessed a shit ton.

at 12 his best friend went missing, he saw will’s dead ‘body’ be pulled out of a lake, he tries to kill himself, he thought he would need to be on the run from the government and was fully prepared to run away from home, and he saw a el kill multiple people and then sacrifice herself for him.

at 13 he’s seeing will hallucinate and eventually sees him get possessed, lose control of his mind and body, and try to kill him and so many others, he sees will have to get held down and sedated, he nearly dies while trapped in a demodog filled lab, he watches bob be mauled to death, he basically helps interrogate possessed will who then tries to kill them again, he watches billy nearly kill lucas and steve, and then he gets el back only for her to possibly sacrifice herself again to save their lives again.

at 14 he’s struggling to try and have a normal relationship, he starts losing will, his best friend since they were 5, this time through his own actions instead of others, and then the mindflayer comes back again even though they thought it was gone, which has to be terrifying for him considering it’s after his girlfriend and his best friend, he watches el nearly be killed by billy, he starts struggling with his sexuality, his sister is almost killed by the mindflayer, he and all his friends are almost killed, el suffers some major trauma, so much shit happens in the mall including mike suffering some major head trauma from billy, and then his best friend and girlfriend move away across the country, which means he loses the two people he cares most about, plus he definitely figures out that he doesn’t love el like he thought.

and finally, at nearly 15, he’s struggling with normal teenage stuff like finding his place in high school on top of all his unpacked trauma, and then, when he yet again thought everything was over, he goes to visit his girlfriend and best friend in cali only for his friendship with will to have clearly fallen apart and for his girlfriend to assault someone and then call him out on his bullshit and the fact that he clearly doesn’t love her like that, something he’s definitely tries to squash because of his fear surrounding his sexuality crisis, and then el is arrested and he finds out she’s being taken to a lab again by the government, which is where all her trauma started, and then the byers’ house is attacked and he barely escapes being shot at, he has to bury a dead body, they’re basically on the run again, he has many more sexuality crisises, he watches el blow up a helicopter and multiple military vehicles, he finds out that hawkins is very much not ok and that everything is starting up again, he is basically forced to say ‘i love you’ to el to try to save her life despite knowing it’s a lie, and then when he finally gets to hawkins he has to see his home town completely destroyed, he has to find out that eddie is dead, that max is in a coma, and that will is still connected to vecna, who is still alive, meaning that the fight isn’t even over yet.

i mean, this is going to fuck up a person, not to mention a teenager who’s brain is very much not fully developed. the lack of discussion about this is previous seasons makes sense because we were shown countless times that mike is bottling up and pushing down his feelings to try and be ‘normal’. but because s5 is the final season, this needs to be discussed.

Reminder that Mike tried to kill himself at 12.

[taeiris]

the vanishing of holly wheeler

mike’s reliving some memories… memories that will hears for the first time

[kidovna]

from this fic by @andiwriteordie

[thai-09]

I just wanted to draw them like that Jancy scene, and Holly with her dress kinda like Alice in Wonderland

[tartarusknight]

Steve had this habit, a habit which most of the party were annoyed by. They understood it, God did they understand. But after everything was over and the Upside Down was gone for good, it kept happening. Months and months of daily calls. Just Steve checking in and asking them about their day.

Mike hadn't understood why he was on the list of names Steve would call, but if he didn't pick up the phone, there would be a knock on the door within the hour. And Steve, sometimes followed by Robin, would stop by like he was that important to them. Once, it had been on their way to work, and Steve had only locked eyes with him and raised an eyebrow. Mike just flipped him off and continued reading his comic.

Dustin had told him it was Steve's way of coping, and Lucas had turned the calls into workouts with the older teen. Will had just gone a little red and nodded along. El smiled and told Mike about the tips for hair care she got. Max just rolled her eyes and said that Steve had taken to stopping by with food most days.

Steve would be there. He was always there. It was annoying, but it was a constant. Maybe that's why Mike laid awake as the clock ticked closer and closer to midnight. Normally, he could fall asleep within minutes, a habit he had inherited from his dad. But he could bring himself to sleep as his phone didn't ring. As the walkie stayed silent. As the door remained untouched, no knock to be heard.

And it was stupid. Because Mike didn't want Steve to call him every day just to ask him if he was okay. It made him feel like a kid. It reminded Mike of his mom, but even his mom wasn't that bad. No, no one really did that for Mike. No one checked in day after day even as he remained uncaring towards them. No one but Steve.

Until now...

Mike watched the clock as it passed midnight, and his stomach twisted into knots. Fear bubbled up, and he pictured Steve getting into a fight he couldn't walk away from. He pictured a car crash so great that Steve was unable to reach for the walkie he carried with him everywhere. He pictured the worst- the Upside Down still around. The demogorgon coming up and dragging Steve into that hellpit.

Mike was up and pulling on a warm sweatshirt before those images were fully formed. He crawled out his window and down the roof, not too unlike the way Steve had done to visit Nancy. It left him already out of breath by the time he climbed on his bike. But that didn't stop him. He pushed off the ground, biking as fast as he could towards Loch Nora.

The cold air hot his face, and the road seemed to go on forever, but Mike didn't stop. He couldn't stop. Not until Steve's place was in view.

Mike tossed his bike uncarringly onto the pavement before slamming his fist into the Harrington's nice door. He didn't let up. He couldn't as an image of Steve dead in his own pool floated in his mind.

However, then the door was opening. Steve stood there, looking like he hadn't been asleep either. A smear of white powder on his cheek and a hollowness in his eyes. But still, something eased in Mike the same time Steve lost some of that weight in his shoulders as well. "You- you didn't-" Mike started, still out of breath. "Call. Why didn't you- call?" He gasped and Steve looked at him with a weird expression.

"You- What?" Steve questioned, sounding lost.

Mike crossed his arms, "I- you can't just stop!" He gasped out, and Steve's brow furrowed.

"But you don't like it when I do? I annoy you," he tries to point out, and Mike huffs.

"God, of course you annoy me! You track our days more intensly than my mom, and you always make dumb jokes, and I hate that I find them funny! You always call when I'm in the middle of something, and you make it easy to stay on the phone! You are always there like some weird older brother that I never asked for!" Mike shouts and Steve's eyes are wide.

"You don't have to stay around or call, but you do! You do, and you actually care. Like when you call and ask me if I'm okay, it feels like you care, and I don't understand why! I don't get you! I didn't ask you to care about me, but even when you were dating Nancy, you cared! You took Holly and me to get ice cream even though Nancy had to study! You give me and my friends rides everywhere! You care!" Mike throws his hands up in the air.

He glares at the older teen, "You care so much that I stupidly care about you! I care enough to come and check on you because when you didn't call, all I could think was that you were like dead or something," Mike snaps and takes a step back. "But you're obviously fine so-" and he wants to run suddenly. To run from the way Steve's eyes are filled with tears or the stupid words he just told the older teen.

Steve runs a hand through his hair, tugging slightly. "Mike, I stopped because I didn't think you wanted me to. You always acted like I was your least favorite person in the world and I guess I just- I didn't feel like it was fair to force you to put up with me just because I can't handle not knowing if you were okay." Steve said, and it didn't sound like the normal Steve. He sounded tired and nervous. He sounded like someone had finally beaten him

Mike bites his lip and tastes salt like he had been crying. Or maybe he still was. He crosses his arms like he can shield himself from this conversation. "But now you don't care enough to keep calling?"

Steve rubbed his face, a sigh shaking his whole body as he did. "I still care, kid."

Mike scoffs, "You didn't call."

Steve drops his hands to his sides. "Just come inside. It's too late for you to bike home. I'll call your place and leave a message." Steve says, his voice sounding close to tears. Mike is stiff when he lets Steve pull him inside.

They are quiet as Steve guides him towards the kitchen. The kitchen that has music playing softly and smelling like a bake sale. He blinks as he steps into the room and spots cookies cooling on a rack and a pie stilling uncooked on the counter. The top crust is sitting on the counter next to it. There's a smell of something in the oven, and Mike states at all of it in confusion.

"I bake when I can't relax," Steve admits, and Mike glances over at him. "I still care, and I was trying to give you space. I was trying not to crowd you, so I just," and he waves his hand around the mess everywhere. The smear of white on his cheek now makes sense.

Mike hugged himself, "I don't- I don't mind the calls." He whispered, and it got a snort from Steve.

He looked over at Mike, "I kinda got that from your speech."

They stood there in silence for another moment before Steve moved to finish putting his pie together. "I know that we aren't close or anything. But I care, it's not just the Upside Down making me anxious, it's just that-" and Steve went quiet. "I went overboard, I get it. But now I just- I can't stop." He admits, and Mike hates how upset Steve sounds. How guilty he sounds.

"I fall asleep easier knowing that if someone wasn't okay, we'd know because of you. It's like you take all the stress from me just by being around." He says, and Steve's eyes are wide. "Maybe we just do a sound off every night so you don't have to play phone tag all day." He shrugs, and Steve wrinkles his nose.

"I don't really get how to use the walkie. Like Dustin tried to show me, but he got distracted and started talking about radio waves and well..." Steve mimed it going over his head.

Mike snorted to hide how much that terrified him. The thought of something bad happening and Steve not being able to respond. But he pushed it away as Steve looked at him as if waiting for Mike to tease him. "That's fair. We did modify them, so they worked better. It's not as simple as your average walkie. I can show you," he offered, and Steve's face split into a grin.

"Cool, want to help me finish this so I can put it in the fridge until tomorrow? Then you can teach me the ways," Steve says, going all dramatic, proving to Mike he'd been spending too much time with Eddie. Mike groaned but came over only for Steve to shove him to the sink to wash his hands.

Steve showed him what to do, and Mike was glad to have Steve around. Because sure Steve's habit was annoying, and sometimes it interfered with Mike's plans, but it was nice too. Steve was nice. And that was something Mike ever believed would happen. But as Steve joked that Mike should not become a baker, he was nice. Like the way Mike was nice to Holly or how Nancy was nice to him. He was part of the family, annoyingly nice habits and all.

[lune-moon-nuit]

"...cause I love her and I CAN'T LOSE her AGAIN"

“I'm just trying to demonstrate how careless Max is with Eleven's powers. In fact, how careless all of you are. You're treating her like some kind of machine when she's not a machine, and I don't want her to die looking for the flayed when they've obviously vanished off the face of the Earth. So can we please just come up with a new plan because I love her and I can't lose her again.”

Mike’s most quoted line in Season 3 — “Because I love her and I can’t lose her again” — is often cited as definitive proof of his love for Eleven. But this statement, when viewed in full context, is a trauma response rather than a heartfelt romantic confession.

What’s hilarious is that the reason why he said that is literally in the sentence itself: the trauma. It’s ironic that this scene is being used as the ultimate proof, when in reality, it perfectly illustrates Mike’s core issue. The trauma of having watched her sacrifice herself to protect him, after he’d spent the entire first season urging her to use her powers (he literally said it in season 1 that she was a weapon). What pushed him to say this was the accumulation of all the unresolved trauma he experienced throughout Seasons 1 and 2—and that doesn’t exactly strengthen your argument, because…

The trauma begins in Season 1. Mike forms a fast, intense bond with Eleven while Will is missing. He projects his grief, fear, and protective instincts onto her.

Expanding upon the notion that trauma lies at the heart of Mike and Eleven's relationship, it's significant to note that the moment Mike kisses Eleven in Season 1 occurs on the very same day he effectively attempted suicide by leaping into the quarry—an act from which she rescued him. From that point forward, he perceives himself as entirely indebted to her. Not only had he already idealized her as his only hope of finding Will, but she now embodied the literal reason he was still alive. Layered atop this is the influence of those around him—Lucas, Dustin, and even Nancy—who had begun to suggest he harbored romantic feelings toward her. Combined with his own confused emotions, the pedestal upon which he placed her from the very beginning due to the almost mythic timing of her arrival in his life, it constructs what appears to be a perfect narrative. And as a Dungeon Master and an aspiring storyteller, Mike is especially susceptible to such emotionally charged, almost archetypal storylines. Within this context, it becomes entirely plausible that he would interpret his overwhelming emotions—rooted in trauma, gratitude, and projection—as romantic love. That this kiss occurred on the very day of a near-death experience he never references again (and may never have shared with anyone besides those present) underscores the depth of repression and denial involved. Fundamentally, their relationship is born out of mutual trauma and survivor’s guilt. It is a structure of codependency rather than genuine romantic affection. Personally, I believe that had Mike not jumped into the quarry, and had Eleven not saved him, he would not have kissed her that night.

From the moment Eleven disappears at the end of Season 1 after using her powers to save him and their friends, Mike internalizes guilt and blame. He had encouraged her to keep using her powers, to push herself, and to fight — and she seemingly died because of it. He urges her to use her powers repeatedly, culminating in her presumed death. For nearly a year, Mike believes she died because he pushed her too far, he grieved her, believing it was his fault. This established a psychological pattern of guilt and a compulsive need to protect her, not because of romantic love, but as a trauma response.

If he truly loved her romantically, he would’ve reacted with joy and emotional fulfillment at the end of Season 3, when El told him she heard what he said and that she loves him too. He would’ve kissed her back, smiled, said something, even if he was surprised. The truth of that scene is, ironically, a perfect summary of how Mike—his point of view and his emotions—is misunderstood by the other characters and also by the audience. Because he is incapable of truly communicating or expressing his emotions.

That scene is literally Mike breaking down in a full-blown panic, triggered by his unresolved trauma: the fear of loss and abandonment caused by Will’s disappearance in Season 1, El’s absence and presumed death in Season 2, the helplessness of watching Will be possessed and nearly die, the massacre at the lab (gosh let’s be honest, Michael Wheeler urgently needs therapy, I did a post cut in two part : here and here who develop more and where I was already mentioning how this scene says a lot about Mike mental health), and finally, his survivor’s guilt for having encouraged El to use her powers to the point where she “died” right before his powerless eyes. This scenario is a mirror of Season 1's climax, and Mike’s panic reveals a deep-rooted fear of repeating past events.

For a whole year, he believed he was the reason El was dead. And the very argument that triggered that line was literally about whether or not El should keep pushing herself and her powers to the limit to stop Billy—when she had already nearly died doing exactly that. So yes, when Mike says, "Because I love her and I CAN’T LOSE HER AGAIN," it's true. Because, breaking news: Mike does love El. He deeply cares about her. He feels the need to protect her. He carries immense guilt over what happened to her, which only amplifies his desperate need to protect her now and avoid repeating the same mistake that, in his eyes, led to her "death"—a death that felt absolutely real to him.

When faced with the possibility of losing El again in Season 3, Mike's fear resurfaces—not because he is madly in love, but because he cannot emotionally survive another loss for which he feels responsible (he is just 14 here remember). The panic in his voice, the overwhelming urgency of “I can’t lose her again,” reveals that it is not romantic love driving him—it is fear, shame, and unresolved grief. This is compounded by his lack of romantic follow-through when she returns. There is no joy, no emotional intimacy, no physical warmth. Instead, there is distance, awkwardness, and emotional shutdown.

But the real truth in that line isn’t even the “because I love her” part—because nothing in that moment confirms he's saying it romantically (especially since he can’t even say it to her face, can’t write it to her, and still can’t say it even after she confirmed that she loves him and heard him say it). So yes, he loves her, just like he loves Lucas, just like he loves Nancy, just like he loves Dustin.

What truly matters in that sentence is: “and I CAN’T lose her AGAIN.” And those are the words he emphasizes. Not “because I love her”—that part is rushed, buried in the flood of words he’s pouring out mid-panic. But he clearly articulates and stresses “and I CAN’T lose her AGAIN.”

Everything is shown here—not told—through his words, his body language, his tone, the context. His trauma is triggered. He’s terrified. He’s trying to prevent history from repeating itself, because the current situation feels too much like the Season 1 finale from his perspective.

So no, it wasn’t romantic love that drove him to say that. It was unresolved, ignored trauma being violently reactivated. The only difference lies in how people interpret that line—be it other characters or the audience—through the lens of heteronormativity, completely ignoring the full context and everything that follows in Mike’s behavior and attitude toward El.

It could’ve been cute, and could’ve worked in your favor—if the show had ended with that episode. But unfortunately, the Season 3 finale and the entirety of Season 4 only go on to confirm that yes, he loves her and he can’t lose her again, but he doesn’t love her romantically, and he is deeply traumatized and in need of healing from his abandonment and loss issues—or else Vecna’s going to have an easy time with him.

If Mike were truly in love with Eleven, one would expect expressions of that love to come naturally, especially in moments of emotional vulnerability. Yet, at the end of Season 3, when Eleven tells him she heard what he said and that she loves him too, Mike gives no response. He looks stunned, confused, almost empty. He does not affirm her words, kiss her back, or show any sign of romantic fulfillment. Mike’s behavior in these scenes doesn’t resemble a boy in love. It resembles a boy in distress, one who is playing a role he feels obligated to fulfill, but who cannot emotionally connect with that role.

This pattern continues in Season 4. He avoids writing “Love, Mike” (and write every time "From Mike" instead) in letters, despite knowing it’s what Eleven needs to hear. When confronted, he dodges and manipulates: “I say it”. But we, the audience (and El too), know that he doesn’t. His behavior is not that of a loving boyfriend, but of someone trapped in a role he doesn’t know how to escape from. His “I love you” speech in Volume 2 is prompted not by genuine passion, but by external pressure, specifically by Will’s emotionally charged metaphorical painting (that channels Will’s own feelings for him) and pep talk and his finally staged encouragement ("don't stop, remember, you are the heart ! You're the heart"). The words are performative, desperate, idealized—not grounded in emotional truth. He praises a version of Eleven that no really exists, emphasizing her strength and powers, not her vulnerability, her personality, or her heart. This suggests he is in love with the idea of her—an idea shaped by admiration, yes, but especially guilt and obligation, not affection (further alienating her and reinforcing that his attachment is conditional and performative).

So yes, if the only two times your boyfriend tells you he loves you are:

– once, when you're not physically present, and he says it in a panicked trauma response, then refuses to take ownership of those words afterwards,

– and the second time is only after you told him that never hearing it from him is hurting you, and you need to hear it—and instead of reassuring you, he gaslights you into thinking he says it when he clearly doesn’t, dodges the subject by idealizing you as a superhero…

…and this “I love you” only comes when you’re on the brink of death, and only because his best friend handed him a painting with a disguised declaration of love in it?

Then I’m sorry, but that’s not romance. That’s codependency, guilt, trauma, emotional repression, and societal expectations. Not romantic love.

The relationship between Mike and El has long been framed through a heteronormative lens, one that presumes emotional closeness between a boy and a girl must equate to romantic attraction. The show’s framing and marketing often push this narrative, but Mike’s behavior consistently subverts it. His discomfort with physical affection, his emotional volatility, and his failure to express romantic feelings — even when prompted — all suggest that this narrative is externally imposed, not internally felt.

The audience’s insistence on seeing “Because I love her and I can't lose her again” as a definitive romantic confession overlooks the complexity of Mike’s trauma, his guilt, and his emotional repression. It ignores the fact that he never says it to Eleven directly until forced to, and even then, it is with inauthentic language and shaky motivation. The tragedy is that Mike’s real love story — one rooted in slow-burn intimacy, shared vulnerability, and mutual understanding — is with Will. But because it doesn’t fit the traditional mold, it goes unacknowledged by both the characters and the audience.

Mike Wheeler is not a romantic lead blindly in love with Eleven. He is a traumatized boy burdened by guilt, struggling with self-identity, repressing his true feelings, and unconsciously projecting protectiveness as love. His actions toward Eleven are rooted in trauma, not desire, while his connection with Will reveals the kind of emotional intimacy that speaks to a deeper, romantic truth. Until Mike confronts his trauma and his sexuality, he will continue to play a role that does not align with who he truly is — a boy in love, not with the girl who saved him, but with the boy who always understood him.

Mike is not a character who lacks love—on the contrary, he feels deeply. But his emotional repression, unresolved trauma, and fear of loss lead him to confuse guilt with devotion, and obligation with romance. His relationship with Eleven is a product of circumstance and narrative expectation—but it lacks the emotional reciprocity, intimacy, and authenticity of true romantic love. Meanwhile, his emotional world orbits around Will, whose presence brings out the rawest, most vulnerable, and most honest version of Mike.

In truth, Mike doesn’t need a girlfriend—he needs healing. He needs to confront his guilt, allow himself to feel, and to stop hiding behind a version of love that doesn’t belong to him. Only then will he be able to understand what love really is—and who it’s truly for.

[doriandrifting]

Rewatching season two and its wild how they literally have Owens explain anniversary affect and PTSD symptoms like irritability, lashing out, etc. and we see Joyce listening to Hopper about it and being really concerned about Will only to fast forward FOUR MINUTES to the dinner table with Mike’s family describing how he’s been acting out and chiding him for his behavior because the last year being tough isn’t going to cut it as an excuse anymore. They really drove that comparison home.

[stardust-moth]

In order to fully understand why it was so hard for Mike to express how deeply he loves El, and why his speech at the end of season 4 was one of the biggest, most important moments for his entire character, we need to look at not just who Mike is as a person, but also everything that has happened since he met her.

Every single time he opens up his heart to her, something horrible happens to her or she's taken away from him almost immediately afterwards.

1x08; he's an awkward little ball of feelings that are way too big for a boy so young. He makes a nervous attempt at confessing and asking her out on a date; when he can't find words that she'll understand, swoops in for a kiss instead. She lights up immediately and smiles. It's a brief moment of hope and pure happiness. Maybe they can have some semblance of a normal life and be normal kids after this is all over.

Minutes later, all hell breaks loose-- they're almost shot, El pushes herself too far until she can barely move, she's almost taken away by the Bad Men, the Demogorgon appears, and she uses the very last of her strength to sacrifice herself to save him and their friends.

He has to watch helplessly as she disappears.

He spends a year caught between believing she's dead and hoping she's still out there somewhere (but if she is alive then why won't she talk to him anymore...?). Kept silent under threat by the lab, he can't confide in anyone or even acknowledge her existence, not with anyone except those involved... but everyone else is keen on moving on and pretending it never happened. He can find some solidarity in Will, at least, who is in a similar kind of emotional turmoil... but it's not the same and it's not enough.

2x9; he is finally reunited with El, and she runs into his arms like she missed him too. She tells him that all those nights he called out to her, she heard him; she was there reciprocating his feelings the whole time.

In a burst of emotions that he's been forced to suppress for an entire year, he lashes out at the reason they've been kept apart (Hopper), screaming and sobbing. It's a massive catharsis for him, and for once an adult is understanding enough to hold him and not punish him for it.

Minutes later, she is going to go headfirst into a pit of monsters, the place where Mike had just firsthand witnessed dozens of people (if not more) get ripped to shreds only hours earlier, and she is going to attempt to close the Gate-- a feat that he knows may take every ounce of her power, just like last time. He cries. He can't lose her again. She promises he won't, and before she can seal that promise with a kiss, they're pulled apart again.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

3x1; all seems to be okay now. He and El are happily together, and he feels comfortable enough to be playful, romantic, and intimate with her. It's the most emotionally open we've ever seen Mike thus far.

For reasons he can't understand (bc there's no way Hopper explained himself beyond "I'm in charge so do as I say or else"), Hopper is angry about it and threatens to never allow him to see her again: the one thing he fears most.

He panics big time and fucks it up in the process by lying to her. During a frantic attempt to apologize while also abiding by Hopper's rules, he runs into her at the mall. He panics again-- if anyone finds her here, and knows that he was here too, it's all over, and Hopper surely won't hear reason. El dumps him cold on the spot, spurred on by Max and her rebellious attitude (and without any context of course). He isn't given much opportunity to respond. He knows he's in the wrong for lying to her, so what could he even say...?

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

It's a hard blow, and he retreats back into himself, unable to get any joy out of playing D&D (which he clearly hasn't lost interest in), back to the deadpan sarcasm and accidentally snapping a little too harshly at anyone whom he feels would take El's place.

3x6; no one seems to understand the danger El is putting herself in. Everyone is berating him for worrying about her safety. He's seen firsthand what these monsters do to people, he's seen firsthand how El pushes her abilities too far. No one is listening.

The words "I love her and I can't lose her again" burst out in his desperation, perhaps before he's even had a chance to realize how deep those feelings run, despite whatever protective walls he's tried to build around his heart to keep it from getting broken again.

Soon after, all hell breaks loose. El is nearly killed several times over, her leg is ripped open, she pushes herself so hard that she breaks herself and loses her powers completely. Her father is taken from her. She's shattered by all of this, and there's absolutely nothing he could do or say to make it better.

She tells him that when he admitted he loves her, she heard him, and indeed she loves him, too... But now she's leaving.

He has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x1; they've been apart for a few months, and write letters back and forth to each other. El's letters paint a picture of an ideal new life: she and the Byers family are doing well; she's starting school and it's going well; she's made new friends, she likes her new home, everything is going well. She seems to be thriving. She sounds happy, maybe even happier than she had been living in Hawkins. Maybe Max was right, maybe she's better off being her own person without him, and maybe the respectful thing to do is step back... It's a small insecurity that creeps up subconsciously. In his replies he holds back, afraid of clinging too hard.

Though there's little logic in it, he's afraid that if he tells her he loves her again, another disaster might strike and this lovely happy life she's finally found might get taken from her. After all, that's what always seems to happen when he does.

4x2; after months of waiting, they can finally see each other again. He wears her favorite colors, picks a handful of flowers for her, and falls happily back into step with how they used to be. Soon that same day, however, reality becomes clear and the facade crumbles. People he was told were her friends show up to torment and publicly humiliate her. She had been lying. She isn't happy here, she hasn't healed, she is right at the edge of a breaking point that he doesn't see coming at all. He can't believe she would lie to him, she's not the kind of person to lie... especially not about something like bullying, something that she was always so understanding about with him.

On that logicless subconscious level, he wonders if it's all his fault-- he should have known somehow, he should have been there for her. She protected him from his bullies, he should have protected her from hers. He tries to come to her rescue. She runs away from him.

He's helpless to save her, again.

4x3; after a night to process everything that happened-- and deciding that the betrayal he feels from her lying to him is nothing compared to the turmoil she must be going through right now-- Mike approaches her in the gentlest way possible, wanting to listen and trying to understand. El, however, isn't receptive at all to his attempts at reassurance. She is at an all-time low, she's given up. She believes she is unlovable, irredeemable, a monster, just a thing that doesn't even have those superhuman abilities to compensate anymore. Mike can't believe what he's hearing-- doesn't she know that she's always been so much more than her powers? She's always been so much more than what she lacks in quote-unquote "normalcy"... None of those things matter, they have absolutely no bearing on whether she's worthy of being loved, because he loves her, completely regardless of any of these things. He always has...

El starts flinging his restrained words back at him, the products of his insecurity and trauma-induced fear. That fear takes hold yet again, and he stumbles, afraid of saying too much or not enough, because surely both could result in pushing her away-- she's retreating, hearing none of it; nothing he tries to say consoles her.

Moments later, local police come knocking. She's taken away in cuffs, and she's so broken inside that she won't even look at him when he chases the police car down the street and promises he'll get her out somehow...

Once again, he has to watch helplessly as she drives away.

4x8/4x9; after days of driving through the heat and dryness of southwest desert, having narrowly escaped being shot at with military-grade assault rifles, witnessing the death of and burying a man whose last words were that El is in danger... After watching dozens of people get mowed down by a sniper in a helicopter, and watching that same helicopter be smashed into the ground in a ball of flames...

There she is. Just as powerful and beautiful and alive as she's ever been. When he runs to her and embraces her, she looks at him like she can't believe he's real. She's beaming a smile right from her soul and it's like all the insecurity and self-doubt that have plagued them both just vanish from existence now that they're in each other's arms again.

Like always, however, the universe comes crashing down soon after. Max is marked for a gruesome death and all of Hawkins is in danger. They're miles away and helpless, and the only possible way for El to save everyone is if she goes in alone. She's stronger than ever, but so is her foe. Once again, she descends to face all the demons of hell on her own, and Mike can't do anything.

She's losing. She's choking. She's dying. He's helpless.

He must be cursed. He must be. Being with her, loving her, allowing himself to admit he loves her, it always brings only pain and suffering and loss. His heart is so full that it's aching, it's bursting out of his chest, and he can't contain it any longer.

She's going to die and it's going to be all his fault, because he fell in love, and it's cursed her.

Just before it all crumbles into utter despair, the earnest support from his oldest and dearest friend-- one who's always shared and understood his feelings of helplessness-- sparks a light of hope in him: "You're the Heart." You're not helpless. You can save her.

The words that come spilling out of Mike's mouth are truer than any he's ever dared to speak before, and it's the most terrified he's ever been, but he has enough courage for this moment. Despite all of the fears that have been building, stifling, choking him to death for years-- fears that the light of his life will inevitably disappear again, and there's nothing he can do to stop it-- despite it all, he pours out his heart to her.

He loves her. He's always loved her. He loves everything she ever was, is, and could be. He can't imagine a world without her in it. She saved him, in every way a person can be saved. And he needs her to live. He believes in her.

And it works. It's music to her ears.

[michaelinprogress]

hey guys im back to talk about mike wheeler again

I feel like people talk about will and his loss of childhood a lot, which is so devastating ofc, and it's definitely a huge theme in the show (god praise the duffers), but when are we going to talk about Mike and his loss of a childhood?

Will is the more obvious one for this trope, as we still see him wanting to play D&D in season three, but what about Mike?

Mike, who argues with his mom about starting to get rid of his toys and action figures

Mike, who still has all of Will's drawings from when they were kids hung up on his walls

Mike, who still spends most of his time in the basement instead of his bedroom because his happiest childhood memories are there

Mike, who stayed in the same style of clothing he wore when he was younger and didn't begin to develop his own sense of style until Eddie made fun of him, saying his mother dresses him

I feel like a big part of why Mike got so angry at Will for being "childish" is because his family and the world around him makes him feel more ashamed for still feeling young and not wanting to move on yet. He associates his inner child with Will, and he can't love Will like he does, so he forces himself to "grow up," mainly in the way of dating El. Will's refusal to leave his childhood is more understandable, and I know Joyce is a gentle and good mother and would never make him feel ashamed for feeling how he does.

But when Mike makes him feel ashamed? He leaves it all behind, he makes himself abandon his childhood, accepting that he needs to grow up and destroying castle byers. When he's faced with his childhood ending, he takes it and destroys it himself, in a way. But Mike? Mike can only suppress as far inwards as he can, still behind Will in leaving childhood, even though he can't admit it.

They both lost things, and they both have very different trauma, and I think it's time we start exploring Mike's a little more!!!!!!!

[theymightbeclerics]

so grateful that no one involved with the show has ever uttered the word “brothers” when talking about byler 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[black-wolf066]

What If Billy Hargrove Had Survived Season 3

I always find myself being drawn back to the "what ifs” of this situation.

How would he change physically, emotionally, and mentally due to everything?

How would he go about apologizing to the others for the season 2 events (maybe he would even find himself explaining his reasons—regardless of if they were right or wrong. Maybe he wouldn’t explain it to all of them--because I doubt he would-- but I could see him explaining it to Max, possibly even Steve and/or Lucas. Mostly, though, if he does find he explains himself, I think it would be to Max and Lucas only; so they don't do anything stupid that will attract Neil's very unwanted attention).

How would he eventually be integrated into the party with the rest of them (if he decided to stay in Hawkins or was forced to stay in Hawkins while he healed and goes through physical therapy, etc)? Would he stay after he was cleared medically? Would he go? Would he keep in contact if he left, or would he just disappear?

There are so many questions I have regarding the what ifs. But if he had survived, I like to think this is how it would go. (((Obviously, this is just my take on it, and everyone is entitled to their own takes and theories regarding this situation. It's unfortunate that we will never know what actually would happen, but this is what the fandom and fanfiction is for, am I right? Lmao.)))

I think, due to everything, he would have changed. I believe it would be hard for anyone not to change after what happened.

I think in the beginning, he'd be an absolute wreck physically, mentally, and emotionally. I think he'd not only have to unlearn the poison his father fed him all these years, but now he'll need to unlearn the poison the mind flayer fed him too. Unlearn and realize the mind flayer was playing on and amplifying his fears and the darkest parts of him, and reinforcing that poison he'd been fed from Neil.

I think whatever lasting injuries would also be devastating and a learning curve because if he had survived, he would not have gotten away from that experience without lasting consequences. I think he'd have trouble with his hands—nerve damage, and what have you—his lungs, his stomach (from both the stab wounds and the chemicals he was forced to ingest), etc.

(I also think he’d have trouble looking in the mirror after it all too, that he’d be afraid to look in the mirror and see the monster, or see the monster’s eyes still swirling behind his own. I also think he would be disgusted by the scars he gained from the aftermath).

He would also have extreme survivors guilt, would believe it was all his fault no matter how many times people tell him it wasn't. That it was the mind flayer doing it and not him.

((Also, it occurred to me, I wonder how hard Billy fought to keep the mind flayer away from Neil, Susan and Max when he was at home? Why didn’t Susan or Neil become victims? Were they just not home at that time? Like were they off on a mini vacation or something without the kids and left Billy in charge of the house and Max while they were gone? Or were they home all that time?))

I think he would eventually start to believe the others when they tell him it’s not his fault, but only after talking to Will. And it's not Billy who seeks him out. It's Will who goes to him instead (Because unlike the others, Will doesn’t have any interactions to go off of in regard to Billy during season 2, he only has the stories). Maybe Billy will realize that it's no more Will's fault for the deaths of those soldiers in the tunnels or Bob Newby, then it is Billy's fault for the death of Heather and her family, or the other Hawkin’s residents. He will still strangle with the survivors guilt, will still blame himself on his worst days, but after his talk with Will, it gets better. It gets better for them both, because they have someone who understands, and who can remind each other that it wasn't them. It was the mind flayer. They were just unwilling tools/pawns to the Mind flayer’s game.

I also think the first thing he would do once stable and awake enough from his injuries is to apologize to Max (I do believe he would find a way to apologize to the others, but at this current time, I don’t think it will cross his mind until later. Maybe Max might say something or maybe he’s reminded of it on his own).

He might not have been in control of himself most of the time during the possession, but he still unfortunately witnessed everything, and he remembers Max’s face through the sauna window before the mind flayer took control. Can still hear Max’s attempt at trying to break him from the mind flayer’s control by reminding him of who he was (remembers trying to scream at her to move out of the way, but unable to do anything but helplessly watch as she was hit aside). Can still hear Max’s blood curdling scream ringing in his ears or the tears that were running down her face when he thought he was dying (and the pain, so much pain, a pain that took the very breath from him) and was only able to utter out a weak and pathetic “I’m sorry” before his world had gone dark.

In season 2, Max tells Lucas that Billy has always been a jerk (which is a sibling right of passage with any sibling. My siblings as much as I love them, they were absolute jerks/assholes, but then again, so was I with them. So, to me, this is a completely normal thing to say. It’s also completely normal behavior especially considering they were a melded together family still trying to get used to the other). I know she also stated that Billy changed when he got to Hawkins, that he was angry all the time now. Which again, is normal for someone who hasn’t been taught how to handle their emotions (during their puberty/teen years where emotions and hormones are at an all-time high) due to not being in a safe environment to do so, and being under the thumb of an abusive, emotionally constipated and masculine toxic parent who wouldn’t tolerate such emotion coming from Billy.

I don’t think Max and Billy’s relationship was perfect in California obviously, but I do believe there was something there, a truce or a gradual budding siblingship that got ruined and tarnished the moment Neil moved them.

I also headcanoned that Billy kept Max and Susan at arm’s length mostly because: if his flesh and blood mother could leave him, what was to stop Susan and Max from leaving him too. I think Billy fought hard not to grow attached to Susan or Max because everyone leaves him or hurts him in the end. Plus, Max with her spit fire attitude that reminds Billy of his mom sometimes (another headcanon of mine), gave him more grief than he wanted since Max never had to suffer the consequences of her actions. Susan was always left in charge of her punishments (another headcanon of mine)—and they always involved grounding, extra chores, no arcade, no skateboard, and no allowance money for however long the punishment lasted. So, no, Max never had to deal with her consequences, not like Billy had to because to Neil, it was “Billy’s responsibility” to keep his new sister out of trouble.

Billy was tired of being punished for things he didn’t do, and he was tired of Max toeing the line of pissing Neil off enough to paint a target on her back. Was tired of her constantly painting a target on his back because of her not listening or toeing said dangerous line.

((I firmly believe Max knew some things, but I don’t think Max knew everything that went on in her own home between Neil and Billy—either by Neil’s doing, Susan’s doing or Billy’s doing or even a mix of all of them. I think also Neil painted a picture/sob story for Susan and Max that made it harder to believe anything else, and with Billy’s behavior, I think it only solidified that picture for them; regardless if it made them uncomfortable or not)).

I also believe these feelings and events/punishments weren’t as bad in California because San Diego is such a massive place, that it was easier for them both to hide stuff from Susan and Neil. That things didn’t get back to them as easily. But now in Hawkins, where everyone knows everyone and certainly knows everyone’s business, that luxury isn’t a thing for either of them anymore.

So, with all of this in mind, with Billy remembering that tentative relationship/truce despite his best efforts to keep Max at arms-length, as well as how Max acted while he was possessed; I think once he was stable and coherent enough, he would do his best to try and make up for everything with her. ((It won’t be easy and it certainly won’t be quickly either. There is too much there that needs to be said and fixed and Billy doesn’t know how to say it or where to even start, but he tries, and Max—having been confronted with the reality of Billy nearly dying and dealing with the guilt of nearly getting her wish—does her best to try too)).

When it comes to the rest, I think Lucas would be next. Lucas has every right not to listen to him or forgive him. However, between Lucas, Dustin, and Mike, I think Lucas would be the one to eventually get to the possibility of “thinking” about it. I think he would only get to that point if he saw a clear difference between Billy and Max. I think because of his love for Max, if he saw that their relationship was repairing for the better, I think Lucas would then be a little more open to thinking about it, especially if Billy’s new behavior begins to extend beyond Max as well. I think if he did decide to try, I think they would bond a bit over basketball (I think basketball is also a bonding thing for Steve and Lucas also) since Lucas doesn’t have that with Mike, Dustin or Will.

Next would either be the rest of the party (Dustin and Mike), or Steve. Steve, I think would be a little more open to just letting it go, but Dustin and Mike are not. It would take a lot or a very long time at least for them to even get to a point where they would consider it.

El—like Will—firmly reminds him it wasn’t his fault when he apologies to her for hurting her. I think they would bond through their traumas, and Billy will end up with another little sister he never asked for.

I also think in the end, with Billy and Max repairing their relationship (and with Billy being alive meaning Neil wouldn’t fly the coup), I think Billy would stick around a bit longer in Hawkins. I think with him finally letting Max in, to put that trust in her that she won’t willingly leave him or hurt him; it would be reason enough for him to stay. Maybe he won’t stay for her 4 years of high school, but I do believe he would stay for a good portion of it.

I also think if Billy survived and stayed in Hawkins, he would be Vecna’s target—for one he escaped Vecna’s control, and for two, Billy is still dealing with that survivors guilt (is still haunted by the faces that he was forced to take). I’m not sure if Max would be a target too, mostly because Max’s stemmed from his death, but I do think there would still be guilt there regardless if he lived. (If Billy left Hawkins, then I’m unsure if Max’s guilt would be enough for Vecna to chose her. But Vecna could choose her to draw Billy back?).

I don’t know. It just makes me really sad that we’ll never know how things would have gone.

But I will die on this hill that Billy would have changed for the better had he survived. I genuinely believe he would have. He deserved to get the chance to try at the very least.

[nymphus-fan-account]

I need Will's trauma after the Upside Down to be recalled in season 5.

Imagine s5 Will Byers with a gun acting cool and confident whenever he faces any kind of danger in Hawkins but freezing up when he's in the same situation except it's the Upside down. Like there's a demogorgon casually towering over him or he gets tangled in demo-roots and it's enough to pull the trigger cause now the air smells like his long-buried memories and cause it's darker and colder and he's not home. And all of a sudden everything starts to feel weirdly familiar - he's 11 yo all over again shaking and tearing up and hyperventilating. He points a loaded gun or holds a knife but can't do anything. He goes deer mode and just watches until Mike intervenes.

[phoebebuggers]

the de-loserification of mike wheeler in fanfiction needs to be studied

[the-yappstronaut]

theo decker 🤝 mike wheeler 🤝 eddie kaspbrak

(harboring a secret love for their best friend but pursuing a relationship with a woman as a trauma response)

[bigbazoxngas]

its so funny cause everyone’s always like “oh yeah Mike? He’s fine” and then the camera cuts to Mike and he’s just

[crxzytogether]

I will never understand how the milkvans considered the ily monologue as a win- like I'm never not amazed- are we watching the same show?? if I was rooting for mike and el to be together I'd have felt robbed and betrayed and MAD because of the monologue, like not only does mike lie(which the show itself proves that he did you dont have to read between the lines at ALL) but it's just so cliche, not heartfelt or emotional at least not in the way I'd want a love confession to be(also no montage of cute moments??), like it's so not intimate at all idk how they're happy with it and use it as solid evidence that their endgames confirmed- not to mention the monologue doesn't solve the multitude of problems mike and el have in their relationship like- el wants to feel loved for more than what she can do and her powers and how do you think she feels after mike can tell her he loves her only after she has her powers back is almost dying fighting for everyones lives, stakes are through the roof it's unbelievable like I would not be happy with that(and he mentions her powers mulitple times in his monologue im-). And this is after her own arc for the season and confronting the real monster in her life and seeing herself(it was beautiful might I add) but mike contributed like nothing to her growth all season- and the ily doesn't add anything either so no problems solved on el's side(also not a single conversation post love confession? yikes and to get that confirmation with yet another conversation between mike and will? BIG YIKES FOR MILKVANS). Now on mike's side- everyone says his problem was saying ily and he did that hooray his problems are solved but that's not it. His problems weren't him being unable to communicate how he feels to someone he cares about a lot(we already know he can do that ahem nearly every heart to heart with will) no his problems are literally spelled out for us in every conversation he has with will, all his insecurities and feelings of worthlessness and less than. Him telling his super powered gf how amazing strong powerful she is and that he loves her doesn't solve ANY of his issues, he's still putting her on a pedestal, he still thinks of them as not equals and we don't get even a single conversation where they talk about it, the closest thing we got to a conversation that couldve led to growth was the ily fight and el shut mike down- LIKE everyone shits on mike for being a bad boyfriend but el wasn't the best girlfriend and yeah she had her own issues and reasons but SO DOES MIKE and the only person he's talked to about them is will the only person that's helped mike feel better about them is will and you expect me to still root for two people that make the other feel awful when theyre together instead of "you make [me] feel like [I'm] better for being different" and "if we're both going crazy then we'll go crazy together" LIKE CMON