#might regret it later but thats a future me problem

[imsogonesposts]

Ocean Blue Eyes, Looking in Mine

|| ao3 || finnick masterlist || an: i wrote this cause i thought rep tv was gonna be announced 😕 || based on the song gorgeous by taylor swift || requests are open!! ||

summary: Finnick flirts with you at one of the Capitol parties. (wc: 942)

warnings: drinking, I think thats it!!

The only interesting thing about the Capitol parties you were forced to attend, was that every now and then, you got to see Finnick Odair. The two of you had spoken a few times in District 4, but never enough to be considered friends. But he had always seemed nice, and he clearly still was, even after all these years, even after the Hunger Games.

“You might get alcohol poisoning if you keep drinking tonight, honey,” he whispered, his voice smooth as silk. 

“Why do you talk like that?” You ask, playfully swatting his hand away as he tries to take your glass of wine away. You needed the wine to distract you from the party. From its blinding lights that were starting to hurt your eyes, and the overly eager citizens of the Capitol that were beginning to get on your nerves. You needed it to keep you from counting down the seconds until you could go home. 

“Talk like what?” He asked with one of those charming smiles he always seemed to have on. The smile you both loved and hated. 

“Like that,” you reply, smiling as he looked at you in confusion. 

You had never admitted it to anyone, but you had always had a bit of a crush on Finnick Odair. It started when you were both five years old, and he helped you up after you tripped over a few seashells on the beach. He had helped you up, brushed some of the sand off you, and helped you look for your parents after noticing your legs had started to bleed. And after he brought you back to them, he had stayed to make sure you were okay. You weren’t sure if he remembered that day, but you did, and you couldn’t help but have a crush on him afterward. A crush that still stood as you looked at his face. At his golden hair, at his dimples, and at those blue eyes that reminded you all too much of the ocean that surrounded your shared district. It wasn’t fair that he could still make you feel this way, all these years later, even if you two have only spoken a handful of times since then. You decided to blame it on the alcohol.

“Excuse me,” you suddenly state, “I see someone I should talk to,” you say with a smile. You didn’t know who you would go talk to, but that seemed like a problem for the future. Right now, you just needed to clear your head, and Finnick Odair certainly wasn’t helping with that. 

You noticed the flash of a small frown on Finnick’s face before he quickly replaced it with one of his charming smiles. “Of course,” he replied, taking your free hand and raising it to his lips. “It was lovely talking to you again,” he finished, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand as he said your name. 

You knew Finnick Odair was a well-known flirt, which is why you tried to calm your heart as his lips touched the back of your heart. But the alcohol coursing through your veins certainly wasn’t helping with that.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” You suddenly asked, immediately regretting the question as he smiled at you—a soft, sweet smile. 

“No,” he replied, “I do not.” 

The two of you stared at each other as you went over his response in your head. His ocean blue eyes looking into yours as you contemplated how to respond. You felt as if you could drown in those eyes as he creased his eyebrows, looking at you in confusion. 

“Why do you look confused?” He asked as you shrugged with a smile.

“I’m deciding if that’s a good or bad thing.” You replied.

“If I have a girlfriend?” He asked with a laugh. You simply nodded. “Why would it be a bad thing?”

Because you’re so gorgeous, it actually hurts. It doesn’t make sense how you of all people could be single. “Because if you’re single, there’s no hope for the rest of us,” you joke. 

“I’m sure there’d be hope for you,” he replies with a smile. “You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

You could feel yourself grow warm at his compliment. “Does that usually work on the other girls?” You joked. He just laughed. 

“I wouldn’t know,” he replied. “I don’t really go around calling other girls gorgeous,” he said with a wink. 

Oh. “What do you call them then?” You asked. 

“Pretty,” he replied, moving a piece of hair behind your ear. “You’re the only one I’ve ever called gorgeous.” His hand drops back to his side as he smiles. 

Oh. He only ever called you gorgeous? Oh

“Well,” he says, glancing around the room, “I shouldn’t keep you from the person you needed to talk to,” he said. 

You had forgotten that. You wanted to admit you had lied about needing to talk to someone in order to avoid his gaze. To avoid the butterflies in your stomach every time he looked at you, touched you, and flirted with you. You wanted to stay and continue talking with him. To continue letting him compliment you as you stared at the captivating eyes you wished to get lost in. But you had embarrassed yourself around him enough for one night. 

“Right, of course,” you replied with a nod, fighting a smile as he pressed a kiss to the back of your hand once more. “I’ll see you around, Finnick,” you said as he smiled, lightly squeezing your hand before releasing it. 

“I hope so,” he responded before leaving to mingle with the citizens of the Capitol. 

[soso-sora]

Thinking about heading down to hot topic, no one can stop me (I have like 10 assignments due Monday that I haven't even started that I probably should start)

[mihai-florescu]

oh i love those pictures a lot! the newest church that you don't like very much looks like it's trying to imitate those older church styles with the big domes and such, though i will admit i did my paper mostly on North and South American churches so i do not know that much about European buildings, but just at a glance it feels like that's what they were going for. and hmm. yeah i don't know how i feel since it's such a weird blend of styles.

as for the lighthouses, even without looking up anything about them it looks like the first one (white brick with the octagonal lantern room) is a bit older and quite short all things considered as there aren't any windows where a watch room should be, which isn't surprising if it is as short as i think it is. you could easily keep watch from somewhere else and run up to address any problems with the light asap. if i had to guess it probably had a 4th or 5th order fresnel lens, leaning more towards 4th (which is the same order the lighthouse i work at had actually) but again kinda hard to tell from the photos.

now the other one is really fun. it definitely is not a traditional lighthouse and looks like it might have been built after lighthouses became automated? it certainly doesn't look like you'd have enough room for a person to comfortably move around frequently in it but the daymark/physical appearance makes it stand out really well. every lighthouse has to be unique so that sailors will know where they are and that can mean a lot of things. there are standard designs (on the great lakes we have a standard schoolhouse design where you have the same structural appearance and things like the color of the brick, the color of the lantern room, and the light itself can distinguish them from each other) but this one looks pretty unique! very avante garde as far as lighthouses go. i'll definitely be showing these to my coworkers at the lighthouse at some point and see what they think. -📖

Im glad you liked them! The older lighthouse is indeed from 1860, whereas the other one is from 1960. Our cathedral is disappointing to me also because i've seen the orthodox cathedral in sofia, and THAT is a nice, interesting looking one. In comparison ours is just a letdown i suppose? Also knowing how much money and space was wasted on it cant help but piss me off more... the cathedral in sofia is this btw

Anyway! Ive been to lake michigan when i visited chicago (and ive been to michigan as a state a few times but cant recall if i saw The lake michigan again... no, i think just lake erie briefly in cleveland ohio). I didnt appreciate the lakes enough at the time, which i regret now looking back. I did make up for it by being more mindful and remembering the views while hiking in tennessee a few months later though, if it counts...

Thanks to you i will now keep an eye out for lighthouses in the future! Not sure when ill be at the seaside anytime soon but i will send you any i see, like a dad trying to bond with his kid getting them anything related to their interest (thats how i have a fall out boy clock in my room that dad saw at a random store, fun fact)

[twentyseventhofdecember-blog]

Fast forward, a month later we talked again, he told me he instantly regretted his decision, was parked in front of my house, just about to ring my doorbell, wanted to call and text me, couldnt stop thinking about me.

My heart was in pieces, I swear to god, I never felt a worse kind of pain my entire life like when he broke up with me over silly reasons. Jealousy mostly.

(He thought he would do me a favor as he is too difficult for me to be with in terms of jealousy and trust issues, his ex never did anything to make him feel jealous or trigger his trust issues but I did, and he didnt want me to change for him as he knew I didnt do anything from - thats also why he failed to communicate his feelings about certain situations)

He told me he couldnt be with his ex as I was on his mind constantly.

We texted and called each other every day.

I missed him so so much.

A month later he asked me to be his girlfriend again. I am now and our realtionship has never been better, much deeper love, better communication, but I am constantly terrified he is gonna abandon me again. Just like a couple of months ago, because he might think Im better off without him again.

Like last time.

Ive never had trust issues, or jealousy related problems but ever since he entered my life - I changed.

Im anxiously excited for my future with him.

More terrified to be honest.

hola sad bitches

I turned my life upside down, I lost 10kg because Im fucking broke for months and finally met someone I actually have a major crush on.

I typically dont believe in love at first sight but this is definetively that.

God, if I dont end up with him, I might just lose faith in love.

We met halloween night in the club. I escaped from my friends and sat outside at an empty table when this group of monks came. I told them to sit down and thats when it began. We talked for hours about everything that came to mind, exchanged numbers and spend the rest of the night dancing to fast songs until the songs became slower and slower.

He would always touch me, always keep in physical touch. Eventually he kissed me and nothing made more sense than that.

Nothing felt weird or forced or anything like the way I usually meet men. I instanly genuienly loved him.

We met up again and again, went for ling walks and discussed everything, past present and future and who wouldve thought? We agreed on it all.

He looks at me and smiles, he calls me princess, he is gentle, his smile lights up my world and his eyes are the most honest eyes ive ever looked into.

He says his goal is to make and keep me happy and god his happiness is my goal too.

He feels exactly the same as me, he never fails to tell me that. His communication game is on point and he is not afraid to admit his feelings or to admit what I mean to him.

This is no regular crush. I know it

[wondersalyss]

Late night thoughts:

There was a big opportunity missed when we didn't think of Ariel Silks for Muffet with the Dancetale AU

[zlixlriffs]

I feel like I'm starting to understand your feeling of "posting this specifically because scott might see this" and I feel like I will regret this later but thats a problem for future me

Yes join us. He plays with us all the time, let his actions have consequences. Can’t wait to see where that understanding gets you. I’m sure it’ll be great.

[andy-deer]

Redemption in characters like Belos and shadoweaver is suicide most of the time. I like to think redemption irl happens a lot more, people has bigger growth potential and learning mechanisms than characters.

But lets be honest people are stupid af, more often than not they think redemption must be an equal recieved dmg, and they fail to aknowledge what an "inprove" is or how to be "at peace" at all.

I dont blame them, is not easy

Aknowledging the extent of the dmg is hard enough, with profesionals, training and a perfect comunication there aare still biases of interpretation

More often than not we will hurt people not noticing the dmg at all, firends, family. Blinded by your own way of thinking or by the objective fo the time being.

Im getting philosophical, King Andrias self exiled working the land as a self imposed punishment, and thats an acceptable redemption(?)

I think once dmg is done, its done. there is no going back and you can change and all you want, but its to late. And its interesting the kind of characters that go redeem with OTHER characters and then meet the abused in a now reformed state, but didnt give closure to the previous abused ones.

Like shadoweaver going allie and Catra meeting her

Oh the feelings the drama

Sorry for the long ask

Definitely a punch in the gut, to meet someone who neglected you or abused you, you know that scene of the Good place where Eleanor finds about her mom changing to live a better, honest life with a new family? " If Donna Shellstrop has truly changed, then that means she was always capable of change. But I just wasn't worth changing for." It's definitely an interesting dramatic and sad scene to have in your story.

And yes, the problem with today is that we look at redemption like that, equal punishment, when it's not, i don't want people who hurt me to go through pain I want them to recover. As much as I hate that person, because it means no other person has to go through what i did, that's redemption, actual change in future actions, the regret is not enough. (But we've been doing this since always and that idea is too knotted into our society, just look at prisons)

Also personally, I think redemption irl is not common, and less in people that are you know too far gone in their own self righteous way of living. It might be pessimistic but I don't think most want, or can afford to get help from a professional in today's political climate. My dad, my mom and me we should all get therapy but we can only afford mine. Which sucks because my father really REALLY needs it, and it doesn't help that he's overworked and does not want to be therapized because God knows why. I've known friend's parents who are addicts and misstreated everyone around them and refuse to change or even take two minutes for self reflection, who will cover their ears when their children points out their mistakes because they see every conversation as a fight instead of a possible introspective experience. (Which reminds me a TikTok of a psychologist talking about how speaking with a narcissist will make you feel crazy because the tactics they use is to specifically win the conversation and have more resources for later damage)

My point is I have that perspective of people not being able to change for the better because I think it's quite exclusive to being lucky and privileged. Too many personal experiences against it. (Not saying people can't change, just saying it's difficult and most adults don't, heck most adults don't even know what's going on with them because we're taught the emotional intelligence of a brick.)

[parismemes]

THINGS I’VE SAID ON DISCORD (OCTOBER EDITION) AS SENTENCE STARTERS.

“tell me everythng.” “HEHEHEHEHEHEHE” “i have read every single one of them and do not intend to stop” “i on principle only like songs that go hard” “I DIDNT THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE THAT SAD WHAT THE FUCK” “heehoo. water boy.” “why i always sleep through this shit i hate it here” “gacha games count as gambling” “im also there. im laughing” “u r doing so much math and im just like hehe money” “what the fuck what the fuck NOOO what the fuck im dfgjhhfjgdhjfgkjdkghjd” “what a traumatic backstory” “I CAN SEE YOU READING MY MESSAGES IM GONAN GET FINESSED OUT THE FUCKIN WINDOW“ “THAT’S not good!” “if hes a fraid of dogs that sounds like a him problem” “i honestly deserve recognition for the absolute shit i just pulled off” “YES FUCK YEAH YEAH YEAH HELL YEAH FUCK YEAH HELL FUCKIN YEAH WOOOOOOOOO YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!” “why the fuck would you want that” “yeah hes my only one true love” “by a few i of course mean like 600″ “no one fucking appreciate me” “thank you ___ for being the only person who appreciate me” “i reveal it in pieces and make you put it together like a puzzle” “im smart and never regret it“ “see, i just dont think thats right” “i will continue dangling it in front of your face like a scientist dangling bait in front of a fish (who is also in a maze)” “hes actually like an absolute fucking nerd a complete fool a fucking dumbass” “sorry your message glitched and i cannot read. anyway back to my leverage over you which is forcing you into a corner,” “it's not extortion because i don't know what extortion means” “why do they talk like exes. its because they are exes” “TIME SENSITIVE QUESTION PLEASE RESPOND” “he's a content creator he'll be fine” “what does this mean? but yes” “NICE NICE NNICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE NICE” “for future record ___ just used the word poggers” “look at all these fuckin blondes” “its only been like a week and a half at most” “hes doing it out of affection” “ISNT THIS THE FUNNIEST SHIT YOUVE EVER SEEN” “you are terrible and also the worst” “i was going to send it at midnight but i got distracted trying to figure out the most barebones way to say happy birthday without sounding weird” “do you think i get punished more or less if i do sins” “i dont think the sins count as extra points if you commit them on the way to hell” “run over pedestrians” “i am slowly descending into insanity today, as a hobby” “you are a shit boy. a little shit boy go eat boxes“ “it's ok. we can figure it out later” “i didnt notice at first but it is in fact All The Fuck Over” “ITS BEEN OVER 12 HOURS” “hey guys just turns out we might have a ✨ gas leak ✨” “im sure if we put our braincells together we can figure SOMETHING out” “curious georg” “thank god. i could and would have argued this for several hours” “i think the worst thing ive heard today is someone calling the movie enchanted a reverse isekai” “i should not and will not stop” “i was RIGHT AHHAHAHAHAHAGAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA” “that wasnt a question you read it wrong” “i have no idea who this is but that wont stop me” “THIS MAN REALLY SAID HEAD EMPTY WHAT IS MONEY” “sometimes i say things and its best to just pretend you know what i mean” “WOT THIS” “I DONT WANT PEE ON MY BED“ “tired of all these stupid fuckin plants” “could you even really consider jelly filled donuts donuts?” “actually everything is real” “if you eat cereal for dinner, you're not having fucking breakfast” “i think my in real life superpower is that i have freakishly fast metabolism” “i dont care if you are evil you are MY TYPE” “you dirty criminal” “is a dessert item a dessert if it isn't eaten after dinner? discuss” “ok im done for the Right Now” “found a concerning orb. in the sky.” “HOW DID YOU KILL THEM” “why do i do this to myself why do i keep doing this” “the only simp here is me” “I No Longer Wish To Know!“ “DID THEY JUST END AN ENTIRE SPECIES” “WE ARE DETERMINED” “this is also really funny by virtue of the fact that these people are all fucking british” “they throw rocks at me and say we want the himbo” “THE CONTEXT IS IMPORTANT HERE” “its something that i SPECIFICALLY am passionate about” “hanburnger?” “thats just what living with siblings is like” “howd she get there? fuckin beats me dude idk” “i remember everything i am like a shark with an abnormally good memory” “i am sorry that you are predictable” “Hey Guys, Just Checkiing In To Make Sure You Got My Joke, Just Making Sure, I Just Wanted To Check In And See If You Got The Joke, Because I Was Afraid You Wouldnt Get It, So Im Just Checking In,” “i marked your worm” “what are you gonna do. unsend whatever you send me? i am Shaking in my fuzzy socks rn” “you Know i hate the idea of being wrong” “You Did Not Need To Stroke His Ego” “i am too stupid to live and if i was not vaccinated my genes would have no chance of being passed on because i would be dead” “~the oldest anarchy server in minecraft history~” “am i shaking because of adrenaline or rage.... who can tell” “I HAVE SO MUCH ADRENALINE IN ME BUT ITS 1 AM IN THE MORNING” “jokes on u i fucking HATE ___ i think hes the worst” “JUST IMPULSE MADE BROWNIES AT 9 PM HEYOOOO” “cry about it more bitch boy maybe piss your pants while ur at it” “im getting so casually toxic back to toxic gamer boys” “itll be fiiiiiine” “we are all stupid mice who take turns being the piper” “queen of bargains is me i am the queen of bargaining and scoring deals” “its not TECHNICALLY a direct threat but also yes it is” “i see a demon i go possess me then bitch boy u wont” “AAAA THE FUCKIN VIIIIBES” “IM NOT GOING TO STOP BEING MAD ABOUT IT”

[strawberriegirl]

𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 - 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐥𝐞𝐞.

mark lee is a nice boy. he isn't naive like most people thought he was but, instead, he is just another sweet boy who wanted to help everyone and would never do anything wrong intentionally but, this... this he knew that this was wrong and he was ambivalent about this.

he hated how he had to swallow his pride and tell his childhood bestfriend, haechan about the little crush he had developed on his step dad's mistress. if he had known that his parents open marriage would lead to this, he never would said that he was okay with it. listening to his problem and understanding his point of view, he gave mark the idea of calling her for a night and see if the attraction he had for her was purely physical and nothing more.

"listen, all i'm saying is that make an account on the site, find her account and message her and ask her out. maybe you don't even like her in that way, it maybe the 'thrill' of it being forbidden making you this hot and bothered."

he hated how he actually he took his advice and borrowed his step dad's laptop and stalked his history, lucky for him it wasn't deleted. but poor mark didn't really have the courage to look at the messages so he begged haechan to come over and help him, even if it meant that he had to deal with his 'following his father's footsteps like a good son' jokes.

"no, thats not her! i told you she is around our age and this one looks like she is in her thirties." he said groaning into the pillow, questioning all of his and his step dads's life choices.

"so is this the missus ? user sweetcandy ?"

"she is not my missus, i have only seen her like, thrice and -" oh its her. he knows that smile, its same smile that casted a love spell on him. the same eyes that made mark this weak even though he made contact with them for a second or two. its definitely her .

he loved how she looked on top of him, neck and chest covered with his marks, riding him and grabbing his shoulders to steady herself as he sucked on her left breast, whimpering his name and mumbling broken sentences. worth all the trouble this is not he had imagined his date would end but he wasn't complaining. although he was nervous about the dinner date and panic of her recognizing him was there, the date went more than fine, even when he made a mistake of asking a terrible question.

"why do you this?"

"oh ! um i do have a job. i am an intern at this company but they don't pay me enough for my college tuition and stuff that i want. sometimes i don't enjoy it, you know ? feeling guilty for getting so much "free" expensive stuff so yeah...what about you ? you are only a year older than me so why do you do this?"

"oh i like to spoil my girls." he lied instantly to her question and regretted it the very next second. he was so busy internally cringing at himself, he missed the smile that grew on her face after hearing the words "my girls".

he loved how she leaned to kiss him on his cheek from her car seat, and then apologized for leaving her lipstick's stain. he knew she wasn't sorry at all about it and took pride in the faint mark that she left. oh i'll show her how its done. unbuckling her seat belt, she moved towards his driver seat to straddle him and kiss him as a way to thank him for the diamond ear rings he gifted her and also because she imagined to this after she saw his profile photo. he was a little surprised by her bold action at first but then adjusted himself to give her space and try to kiss her back.

she loved how she fit so perfectly in his arms and how soft his lips felt but she didn't quite like how he seemed to be so tense. maybe i misread and took it a bit too far. but little little did she know, the reason why mark suddenly got so tensed was because he had seen her do this before but with him, it was purely by accident but still he couldn't get the image of him kissing her just like this out his head. he didn't even groan when she pulled back and asked him if he was okay. it's still not to late tell her. tell her now. but instead he decided to pull himself together and said,

"i am. now be a good girl for me and go back and lie down on the backseat, i wanna taste you."

he loved it and hated it when she told him softly to drive safe and to take care of himself. in his head, a loud voice was yelling at him to tell her the truth and that she deserves to know it but he ignored it again and kissed her for the last time and apologized again for ripping her blouse like that before driving back home.

the drive back to his home was numb, quiet and dreadful. he thought about the events of the past few weeks that lead him here but he still didn't know what he was going to do about it in the future, what he did know was that he wanted to go haechan's and shout at him for convincing to do this but also thank him for convincing him to do this because he had such a great night with her.

he didn't even remember how he got back home but he did and went straight to his room ignoring his step dad, who was in the kitchen making a sandwich. he knew exactly why he was there so late at night but didn't wanna think about it. he had other, bigger problems to worry about.

he tried to fall asleep but he couldn't. his brain couldn't focus on one thought and he felt his stomach hurt a little. being left alone with thoughts was probably not good idea but he knew he had to confront them sooner or later. you should have never done this. he knew he shouldn't have especially when he knew the attraction he had for her was never purely physically. but still he did to convince himself that he didn't like her in that way but at the same time he did it to get a bit closer to her.

he is a little closer to her now and he hates it. he hates it because he likes her even more now. he hates that he knows she really doesn't want this whole 'sugar baby' thing but has no other choice. he hates that she has to go and please other older men who could hurt her and use her just to make money when she could be with him and feeling safe in his arms just like she did tonight. he hates that she is a nice and a sweet girl but not naive...just like him.

his field of vision turns blurry from the tears forming in his eyes when he finally realized the bitter reality. the room is filled with the noise of his soft sobs. at first he thought she was worth all the trouble he went and will go through but now he saw how he selfish was. she didn't deserve this. all this of his fault. it was his fault that he mistook his possessiveness for protectiveness. it was his fault that he acted like he knew who and what was best for her. he told his friend that wanted to protect his crush from older men who liked her innocence a little too much. he told him he was afraid she might get hurt or be involved in some trouble but in the end, he was the only one who hurt her.

[roguestarsailor]

You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need  a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is). 

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo??? 

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt  feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too!  but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her???  i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too. 

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand  2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird. 

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

[greedy-fox]

Mangas that I consider classics Part 3

The Kawai Complex Guide to Manors and Hostel Behavior

After his parents transferred to a different location because of work, newly independent high school freshman Kazunari Usa moves into boarding house called the Kawaii Complex upon his mother's request. On an even higher note, Kazunari is going to be living under the same roof as his high school crush Ritsu (who is his senpai). 

But what he did not realize was that the rest of the tenant are a bit “unique” to put it mildly. His male roommate, Shirosaki is novelist (and a pervert). As for the rest of the tenants who are all female, we have Mayumi who is a bodacious elder office lady, who is a crazy drunk and has terrible luck when it comes to love, and on the other side we have college student Sayaka, she might seem innocent but don’t be fooled by exterior image. Last but not least we have Ritsu who I said before is Kazunari’s crush but only social capacity she has is when she is reading novels. 

After getting to know his fellow tenants, Kazunari was obviously petrified at first, but soon gets used to life at Kawaii Complex. I mean who wouldn’t get used to it when everyday is a literal adventure and slowly gets closes the relationship with his crush. 

This manga was and still is comedy gold. Every chapter is just gets me excited to see what the tenants will do next. It’s also great how their reactions come to life on the page, not to mention the addition of the minor characters getting caught up in this groups crazy ways just sweetens the pot even further.

Mr. Fullswing 

A great sports manga in the making! The story follows a 15 year old high school student Amakuni Saruno, who is desperately trying gain a girlfriend. But with his luck, all the girls that he confesses to are crushing on the athletic club students at his school. With all the frustrations that built up inside of him, he finally decides to join a sports team. 

With the help of his friend  Kengo Sawamatsu, they have checked off every sports club the school has to offer, that’s when Saruno finally meets Nagi Torii. After helping carry a couple of training equipment with her, he finds out that Nagi is actually manager to the baseball club. That’s when it hits Saruno to join the baseball club because ends up crushing on Nagi. 

He later finds out at the tryouts that the only thing he is good at from the rest of the student trying out is that he can bat the ball ridiculously far. Thankfully in the last tryout challenge, he was able to make some comrades with Chounosuke Nezu (pitcher), Mei Inukai (pitcher), Pino Tomaru (second), Aoi Shiba (shortstop), Shinji Tatsuragawa (catcher), that form the core of a baseball team. In process, Saruno's team manages to pass the test with Saruno breaking the Muranaka record, hitting the school clock.

But even after passing the tryout, the bar keeps on being set higher with each challenge. Will Saruno be able to keep up to have the confidence in confessing to Nagi. Or will he bow out and regret even joining the baseball club in the first place. 

Another ridiculously funny manga to read. The artwork is rough but thats what makes it so charmful. 

Bakuman 

Mashiro Moritaka is a talented high school artist who has no sense of direction when it comes to making big decisions about his future. Then one day he is confronted by one of his classmates Akito Takagi. Surprised as Mashiro was by Takagi taking an interest him, what really caught him off guard was the fact that he wanted to co-author in a manga together!

Even after Takagi tried to convince him the first time, Mashiro considered “mangaka” to be a trigger word. The reason was because of how much he respected his uncle who was mangaka himself. Sadly his uncle fell under the stress and pressure of being one and killed himself in the process. 

Later on Takagi calls Mashiro saying that he is in front of his crushes house about to tell her Mashiros feeling. He then runs out the door to her house in fit of mixed emotions. When he gets there and sees her, he decided to make biggest choice of his life and tell her that he will be a mangaka. He also promises her that when he finally becomes big in the industry he would propose to her with no regret. Feeling the passion his crush confesses about her dreams of becoming an anime voice actress, and also makes the same promise!

Thanks to this youthful promise, Mashiro and Takagi go to his uncle's abandoned apartment and start creating manga with the motivation to actually be successful. And finally after being denied several mangas that they created from the company, they were publish their very first manga series!

This is one of the first five mangas that I read. I still remember being a freshman in highschool and reading this manga for the first time. I thought to myself that this was a great real life experience to learn. About the industry. About the commitment and patients it takes to finally get a bite in publishing a series. I also thought to myself that when I am finally confident in my own artwork and story telling that I would try and start publishing my own series no matter how long or tiring it took. Even if it is just one manga series I would be proud to have done that at least once in my life.

Medaka Box 

Imagine if pandora's box was outright made into a Japanese manga series. Because that what Medaka Box is all about!

Following along in the perspective Zenkichi Hitoyoshi who is childhood friends with charismatic and attractive Medaka Kurokami. As both are the first ever first-years to become the president (Medaka) and vice-president (Zenkichi) of the student council at Hakoniwa Academy. On Medakas first day as president, she institutes a ‘suggestion box’ to help with any school problem no matter how dumb it is. Along the way she gains more people to join her in her cause to making their school a better place. With their newly acquired members called  Kouki Akune and Mogana Kikaijima.

But as the story become more peaceful their school brings out a whole dark secret that not even Medaka could see coming! It seems the school has been holding dark secrets which leads Medaka, Zenkichi, and the rest to fight off genius superhumans called the ‘Abnormal’s,’ find underground lab experiments and more!

After the whole incident with the ‘Abnormal’s,’ Medaka steps down from her seat as president and decides to have as much as a high school student as she can. Sadly those peaceful days were disrupted by another huge problem that has to deal with Medakas future. 

This manga has so many overpowered character that the fight scenes become god level! I love the fights, I love the characters connections to each other! I love how Zenkichi is probably the most overpowered character in this entire even though he is as average as they come. Definitely a home run with his manga series.

Cage of Eden 

When a plane trip from Guam returning people home to Japan, something unexpectedly supernatural happens and the plane crashes. 

Protagonist Akira who was suppose to be home the next morning from his class vacation to Guam, wakes up in a jungle by himself! After coming to term with what happend and being thankful that he is alive more than anything, he comes to terms about how the plane crashed onto an uncharted island in the middle of the ocean.

He then follows a path that leads him to where the plane crashed last in hopes of finding his friends, classmates and mostly his childhood crush. After reaching the sight he find no one there and one dead pilot. Akira at this point is about to lose all hope. That is until he finds a recording thats fills in the situation as to happened while he was knocked out. At first he was ecstatic cause he found out the most of the passengers survived. But as he keeps watching he finds that the passengers were being attacked from creatures in the dark. This attack led all the passengers to scatter across the island! What’s more is that those creatures that attacked were prehistoric animals!

This was the first thriller survival manga that I read. At first when I read it I could not handle the realistic death scenes that were being drawn in the manga. So it actually took me three time of re-reading this manga from the very beginning to actually appreciate what this magaka was trying to portray. And man was the storyline so good! The only reason why I was able to have the courage to finish this manga, was because my curiosity. I could hear at the back of my head just knocking on the door shouting “HEY WHAT'S HAPPENING! I NEED TO KNOW THE ANSWERS TO WHAT IS HAPPENING!”

[locallety]

𝐼𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒.

Okay, okay. So I'm kinda scared to post this here because first things first, my writing sucks ass and this might not be as accurate to the Dream SMP's canon timeline because I haven't watched all of the streams regarding the storyline (the first stream/video I watched was from tommyinnit's latest smp vid where Schlatt died and Wilbur blew up L'manburg) (I also managed to get a hold of their family tree info soo thats that).

But, at the same time I wanted to post this because 𝑤𝑜𝑤. That was so damn GOOD! I'm so obssesed like- 😳😖😩

Like I've said, this might have innacurate info, but I had written this right after I found about Ghostbur (which is like yesterday night lmao). I might rewrite this in the future once I had finished the entirety of the "series" 😏

_______________________________________

The situation was.... suffocating.

The man was alone with his father. They were talking, while the other celebrated the end of Schlatt's reign of terror. The tyranny's death was enough for his friends to ignite a celebration, reigning Tubbo as the new president of the land. But was Schlatt's death really enough? Had they forgotten about the true goal of their land? His land?

It was almost laughable, because HE too once had that spark of hope whilst building his country from scratch. They were with him too, right from the start. His people, his friends, HIS family was by his side while they go through their hardships and problems. They made so many memories together, both good and bad.

Now, they are out there celebrating their victory. Wilbur took a deep breath, cold air filled his lungs.

His father was looking at him in the eyes now. He just stared back, mellow feeling on his chest. They were on the room, where he had wrote his 𝑠𝑦𝑚𝑝ℎ𝑜𝑛𝑦, ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑢𝑛𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑑 𝑠𝑦𝑚𝑝ℎ𝑜𝑛𝑦.

The cold atmosphere on the room was truly suffocating. His hand was itching to press the wooden button in front of him. One press from the button will send a signal to detonate the entirety of L'manburg, along with their hardwork and memories within.

He knew that everything within L'manburg is special. He bit his lower lip as he lift his hand in front of the button. There was a moment of slowness, his father's eyes widen in shock and his eyes closing as he slowly feel the wooden surface of said button. There was a gut feeling inside him that he will later regret doing this.

But, everything good must come to an end. And as the traitor said, 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒.

And if he can't have L'manburg, no one will.

A silent 'click' was heard before the sound of explosions fill their ears. Everyone was taken back by the sudden noises, their once cheerful faces of victory was replaced by the face of despair and disbelief. A huge fog of smoke appeared from the debris, and when that cleared up, the look on their faces become even more fascinating.

Everybody was dying while they try to preserve what was left of what they had worked hard for since the birth of their country. The look of terror and despair on their faces was priceless, their foolish, dirty hands tainting the once pure utopia that is L'manburg. His L'manburg.

Everything was 𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑒. Their home was gone. L'manburg is g o n e.

Screams suddenly filled the air, some of them got shot and started fighting. The two men in the room watches their comrades from the newly formed hole just in front of the button.

Wilbur's eyes suddenly widened. He realized what he had done. He swiftly turned his head to his father's gaze.

"You must murder me Phil! Look at them!" He screamed, his voice was hoarse. Phil looked at him with mixed expression. Wilbur slammed his diamonf sword to his father's chest, forcing Phil to accept the blade.

"But you are my son!" Phil cried, pushing back the blade. This made him angrier. He stomped his feet to the wooden ground, his black eyes looking at his father's gaze with pure madness.

"CAN'T YOU SEE, THEY WANTED YOU TO MURDER ME! DO IT. DO IT!" He screamed, there were tears streaming down his face. 'Everything I've worked for..... Gone in an instant due to my selfish desires....' Wilbur thought,gritting his teeth. Phil gulped and hesitantly accepted the sword, then looked down at his son for a moment.

Phil reminisced their good memories together in that mere moment. Him cradling Wilbur as an infant, The smiles and the laughter from Wilbur's childhood, the making of chinese lanterns with him, watching Techno and Wilbur spar from afar..... He teared up, gripping the diamond sword's leather handle tightly, his hands were shaking and knuckles white. The father doesn't want to do it, but it seems like in that moment.... He had no choice.

Closing his eyes, Phil yelled as he stabbed his own son with the diamond sword, tears stained his clothes. Red covered Wilbur's clothing in an instant. There was an unexplainable guilt and pain on his chest. He slowly opened his amber eyes meeting Wilbur's, his son's, dull grayish blue ones which are fully devoid of life it once has.

He took out the sword out of his son's chest, and hugged his son's corpse tightly. He was screaming in pain, grief and sadness was the only feeling he felt that moment. He was cradling Wilbur, like he once did when Wilbur was a mere infant. He started to hum Wilbur's lullaby, lukewarm tears dropping to the wooden ground.

[currentfandomkick]

Bio! Dad Strange part 4

Shorter but a paris update for her life and a little on gotham with Jason as Robin while Tim is a hero Stalker.

Marinette is 7 when she changes schools, ordered into the Dupont school chain by her teachers since she was getting ‘difficult’ and contradicting their ciriculum. When they challeneged her on this, she went to the school board with Rolland beside her of all people.

The board agreed on one thing, Marinette’s contradictions were not only factually correct, but were done to prevent the outdated ciriculum from hurting her classmates. Instead of punishing her, she got to skip a gade and was given to Dupont as a ‘highly reccomended gifted student’.

Her first day she met Max, who also skipped a grade. The pair bond in five seconds over a new programming focused on learning emotional intelligence. Uncle Riddler was showing her it, and Max got his hands on a various ai bases. This led to then teaming up and designing the one and only Markov together, if only in schematics.

A week in and the two notice that some kids are being followed around by a guy with a bat. They report it. Again and again, but no one can find him.

One day he catches the pair on their way to Max’s—they wanted to work on their ai together, ok? The guy tries to hit Max, saying something about them being lucky metas that needed to suffer.

Marinette’s gotham training kicked in. She caught the bat, ripped it away from him and hit him in the chest with it, while yelling at max to run.

At the end of the incident, videotaped by a bystander, the Dupont Stalker was arrested.

Marinette was given another name by the police, ‘fille de batte’ or bat girl. Her having family in gotham only made the nickname more popular.

This put her on Kim and Alix’s radar. Kim wanted a challenge for fighting and competitions, and this tiny kid did that—to an adult! New friend and rival!

Alix was went from shock to joy as Marientte does art. She does art. Art friend to rant to found!

Nino ran into Marinette not long after Kim and Alix attached themselves to her and Max. Nino became their judge for Kim challenges. Including Mari pinning Kim to the mat, or deciding who did a circus move better (Mari won acrobatics).

Chloe doesnt go to dupont until next year, and sabrina is in another class, mildly concerned for Marinette.

In this au, again, Dupont is considered a ‘i would not be shocked if there were metas there’ school for gifted kids in any way.

Marinette is sent there for her insane science obsession at the time, but is also put in their arts program with Alix to develop as an artist with her medium, fabrics and fashion.

And if marinette redesigns hero outfits as “monsiuer ross, scribbles have more style, let alone fashion sense” alot, well. Kids get obsessed a lot and the Justice League is a common one, as are known villians. Her everyday outfits having different hero schemes—oddly enough some forensic scientist she’s obsessed with from some american city ended up in her mix—well. She’s a kid and showing signs a few types of anxiety.

Possible social and OCD and a developing case of perfectionism common to the arts program. The school has her see a therapist and know she isnt telling them everything beyong mild concern for her gotham family, and confusion over people just ‘not getting things’ as she is terribly smart and good at finding patterns and how do people not see it?

By the end of the year Marinette is in a strong friend group who’s parents and hers have decided to have joint custody during the school year.

She was now (forced) to learn vietnamese from Kim’s Grandparents, italian from Rolland (her nonno that has a Thing for tradition and somehow married Gina and raised Tom mostly on his own while running the bakery to boot), english from Father/Strange, Mandarin from her Maman and she started Arabic to talk with Nino’s aunt who kept saying marinette was her future in-law and point out that nino and her are friends, not dating ma’am.

However, Nino endured most of this with her-not the italian or Mandarin, but the others. Kim couldnt get Arabic but mandarin was a breeze for him. Alix cannot get vietnamese or arabic but Mandarin is her jam after french. Max just speaks french and english, he understands the others he just cant get the sounds right, ok?

When Marinette goes back to Gotham that summer, she ends up dealing with Hero Stalker Tim (jason is robin now) while looking for Red Hoodie who No oNE is telling her what happened and she’s worried, ok?

Tim feeds her obbsession with fixing problems. He sometimes sends her building layouts of places Catwoman stole from. And then the jewlry reappears thanks to a nervous Marinette coached by Rose and Ghoul while Frost handles her post-fix it freak out. Tim also may or may not get helped by her alot during Batman Stalking Time as she teaches his butt how to sneak and complains he’s worse than penguin.

Tim hates that, works on it, and still has nonidea who she is. He does admit to figuring out who batman may be, but needs more evidence so...

Marinette hits him becuase “thats dangerous!” And tries to lecture him in identites.

Batman’s radiowave was used for said lecture.

“And it puts their families in danger you, uh, hero stalker! And stuff so no more identity investigations!”

“They have the same builds, and did signsture moves from—“ the signal cutout.

He and Jason are more careful... ish. They change channels and monitor the old one.

Sometimes Batman catches Marinette and Tim talking about coldcases and she has asked three times if he heard anything about Jason’s street kid identity. Jason is feeling guilty about this as she’s his Pixie Pop. This lets Bruce know that the probably-clark’s-kid would keep Jason away from GCPD and CPS.

When a convo leads to Batman finding out Tim and Marinette have considered asking the police for help with a case of medicine that needed to be recalled as it was beign used to mule drugs contaminated the batches and hurt patients, but turned it down after she saw some taking bribes from Fish, Batman lets Gordon know and an investigation is launched.

While Bats is away, Jason visits marinette as Robin and tries to get her to bats for more information and a lecture on heroing without adult supervision. Maybe.

Only she’s currently stealing from a sleeping selina at another HQ. A Selina who has stopped trying to stop marinette and let riddler turn her house into one of his ‘traps’ to stop Marinette’s ‘return theiving’.

Jason gets stuck in a trap. Marinette is gone by then, scared Robin will tell Superman about her and he’ll hurt her family or something.

Catwoman is annoyed at Marinette’s sucess. She goes to stop the girl after leaving him tied up for Batman with a message: leave her new kitten-to-be alone.

Follow up talk post-Caught Marinette reverse theiving.

“Blame the Council’s decrees. She’s their little princess, and my new neice,” Catwoman watched Batman carefully.

Confused Batman in interrogator mode. “You mean the Court of Owls, arent they disbanded?”

“Bats, the council is gotham’s underground. Apparently Two-Face made the contracts as penance for scaring the Princess during a breakout. Unless you want an organized attack by the council, steer clear of her.”

Batman conencts the dots and curses himself. The girl he was looking for last summer is the Princess of Gotham’s underground. It will be hell finding her. And Superman/Clark will lose it when he’s told.

He lets the JL know about it, saying ‘possibly kyptonian clone, female child. Gotham’s underground is calling her their Princess. Connor and Kidflash tailed her last summer during the arkham breakout while Robin was with the Titans. Be alert for a small asian girl.’

That was how Marinette ended up on the JL watch list and how Superman had another existential crisis.

Dick freaks out with the Titans over this. Becuase kyltonian raised by villians is terrifying. Jason forwarded the message and adds on “she’s a good kid and wants to help. Somehow keeps zsasz and joker from killing people, so its not good to take her away or issolate her from the villians if you find her. From what i remember, she is terrified of her family beign put in danger. The others wont listen to me. If you can, pass this along to the other sidekicks and your allies—none of them trust me enough to listen. I cant talk to her as a civilian like i used to either for obvious reasons. And she’s terrified of me-Robin. Maybe you can get through to her, or someone else can. Just talk to her first, she’s more reasonsble than she looks”

Dick doesnt read the add on until much later and regrets it.

He met marinette once. She was a very excited kid babbling about aerodynamics in acrobatics and asking about that. Not hero things, not power things, or justice league but That.

He tried to be nice but he was having a horrible mission, saw the girl floating as she rambled and tried to grab her.

She freaked out and bolted, sort of. He got slammed into a building, or would have had she not caught him, rambled in french while trying to apologize (he was a but stunned from the throw, and rebooting as villian-kyptonian was... nice?) and put him on the roof, hit his communicator and said one thing.

“I think i broke your robin? All are robins like bird bones or something?”

He regained a functioning brain as that. That was something he could respond to.

“I am human thank you!”

That seemed to be enough for her as he moved to get up. She waved bye and bolted, something about Rose being mad at her for being late...

“Titans. I think we might have been wrong about the kid...”

Later with Young Justice the info was passed on.

Jason asked if anyone read his attachment and was met with silence. He groaned and told them “so another team she’s going to avoid... great.”

Marinette added the titans to her list of ‘people to aviod—tetch and Jerimah were the worst. Luthor and Cadmus were under them. Then the entire Justice League (they would tell batman or superman. Snitches.), followed by GCPD, CPS, the Bat Family and now Titans. She wonders if she needs to add anyone else, and hates that she cant talk to heroes. They could help with controlling her powers instead of suppressing them but she cant trust them not to give her to superman like batman did with Rose to Poison Ivy and she’s pretty sure Superboy too.

Next time, times marinette accidently put together identities and curses Hero Stalker Tim for her now knowing.

[floralgothpersephone]

Countdown

Sooooo.... several.... um months ago, I was tagged by @jaygirl987  and this has just been sitting in my drafts... forever??? oops. Oh well, I am feeling in an over-sharing mood. So I am going to do it now. Felt confident in sharing, might delete later. Response is below the cut, because we are writing essays tonight. 

Rules: List 1 Insecurity, 2 Fears, 3 Turn-ons, 4 Life Goals, 5 Things I like, 6 Weaknesses, 7 Things I Love, 8 Tags  I am going to tag: @akai-vampire, @claudeng80, @bookloverfio, @bigprincess-energy, @peachdoxie, @ruleofexception, @infinitelystrangemachinex, @anais-mitchell

ONE Insecurity:

---People who meet me for the first time always say I am remarkable. But I don’t really agree with that at all, I still don’t understand where people get that from. I feel very desperately flawed and a moderately dysfunctional human doing my damned best with what I’ve got, and isn’t that just a normal state of being for everyone making their way in this life. And if people say I am remarkable, and it turns out to be true, then does that mean I am not normal??? How is everyone else living their life then? What am I doing wrong??? or right?? or differently??? How do I bottle up this whole remarkable thing and share it with everyone else?? Being called remarkable makes me fear for everyone else. Because if i am struggling this much, and people still seem to think I am amazing then does that mean everyone else who is struggling is failing in some reguard?  I have met so many other people in the world who are just as special as me, and if i am raised above that then what about all those other people? Aren’t they remarkable too? Kinda takes away the meaning of remarkable then, if everyone else is also remarkable. I don’t know. Every time I meet someone new and they call me remarkable it makes my skin crawl. What sort of face are they seeing me wear that makes it happen so often? I just try and be myself, and stay true to who I am in any given moment but then that makes their statement have more power? I hate it. Nothing makes me more insecure. I can go from full blown confidence down to nothing the moment someone says that about me. I know I am odd and don’t quite function right in society, and have a very different perspective on it because of my dysfunction, but that shouldn’t make me remarkable. There are too many other people in this world for me to be remarkable. 

TWO Fears:

---I may never get to see Amber Gray perform Persephone in Hadestown

---Cockroaches. Turns out I have an actual phobia of cockroaches. 

THREE “turn-ons”: 

---Silly Antics, like sheer outrageous, ridiculous things that make you laugh until you cry. Like, I fall in love a little bit with everyone who has ever made me laugh. So like, the more you make me the laugh the more I look at that and go, “mhm tasty”. Also, if we are not laughing at some point during sex then what even is the point??? 

--- Loyalty, Reliability and just being supportive and a good friend. Like, I am very much very very demisexual and while I can look at people and love their look and their aesthetics and be attracted to that, I need a very firm established relationship for like... years, before I am ever actually interested in letting them into my bed. I need some definite proof that they are in this for the long run before I can let my sexuality come into play.  

---Being crafty and creative. Seeing someone make a very nice craft gets me all worked up in ways I can’t quite describe. But every time a partner of mine starts a project and is making things I want to jump their  b o n e s. 

FOUR Life Goals:

---Get my ass to fucking Greece and like. Stay there. For months. And just travel??? And like, take my time, no rushing around to do every single thing. I want to go to these places and be there for so long that I can just sit and be. 

---B a b i e s. Dear lordy if you look at every major decision i have ever made in my life, it has all lead up to the fact that I want to have kids, and I want to have a family in a very specific supportive and stable way and I need to complete these things before i can have my kids. BUT BOY THE HORMONES ARE STRONG AND I WANT THEM NOW. 

---Can I put travel twice? Travel is so important to me. I have to see the world, I need to map it. I need to see all the different types of humans and cultures there are in the world and I need to experience what there is in this life before its all over. 

---I have this home I like to dream about, its constantly changing, but its small, while having enough space to breathe, covered in plants, an entire wall that is just a bookcase to store the entirety of Alex and I’s mug collection (we are looking at least 80 mugs between the two of us currently). A claw foot bathtub in a room full of windows that is just a glorified greenhouse really. comfy reading nooks and places for play, covered in nothing but soft blankets and cushioned seats. A cat or two lounging around among all the soft places in the sun light. Walls covered in cork boards so that I can pin up hundreds of pictures of the family I have built for myself. Little foot steps running around from kids playing, and having my partners home with me to cook and raise the little ones together in a family and a community. I just. I just want that little domestic haven of something calm and secure that I never got to have growing up in my life. 

FIVE Things I Like:

---Pottery!  (my craft of choice, I’ve been making pots for 17 years now and it never gets old) 

---Plants! (I live in a small jungle! I’m a plant witch! I love my plants! They are my only friends some days! But thats okay, I take care of them and in return they take care of me.) 

---Places! (I’m a map maker, I love learning about the identity of a location both on a map and within the human mind. How amazing that a collection of humans create an identity for a geographical space separate from other all the other geographical spaces. That’s wild! I want to learn what makes them all different forever!) 

---Purple! (My hair is purple, its been purple since I started grad school! I flirted with pink hair and orange hair last year to try on different types of variety and see how that fit but I am back to purple and I am back to my normal skin! My purple hair is the source of my internal confidence and a major point of my identity) 

---Music! (I am not sure I  would ever be able to navigate my own mental landscape without the aid of music guiding me through all my different emotions and feelings so that I could have a safe place to experience them without fear of repercussion) 

SIX Weaknesses:

---I over think everything (case and point, this post, whoops) 

---An open opportunity. Like, if I am given an opportunity suddenly that wasn’t previously available and wouldn’t be available in the future, I will move mountains to make it happen. If I see a window to be able to do something with a time limit I am jumpin as fast as I can to get through that window before it closes. I think its because I grew up with zero opportunities in my life when I was little so somewhere in my bones I believe that every opportunity I get is rare and special thing and if I don’t take it now then I won’t ever get another one. Sometimes its exhausting but I can’t honestly say there is a list of things that I could have done that I didn’t? I have very little regrets in that regard. 

---I am willing to see and recognized my flawed personality traits, but rarely ever actually do anything to fix them. I am a big of a believer in accepting yourself with all the flaws (part of the side effects of recovering from perfectionism) but that mentality has a different problem... in which you are so comfortable with the problems that you don’t have any desire to fix them? Yeah.  

---Um, I have a major weakness for brown eyed, brunette girls and have fallen waaaay too hard for too many of them in my life for it to not be a thing (that Alex teases me relentlessly about). Honestly the list is long, but good news. Fiona is on that list. <3

---Potential. I have a weakness for potential, sometimes that manifests in craft materials. (Oh I could make this into this other thing!) So I have quite the collection of crafting hoards. I rarely buy plants when they are big because I am far more interested in getting a small plant because of it its potential to grow into something. I love love love love working in clay because there is just SO MUCH potential for it to become really ANYTHING???? Its amazing!!! Like, if you imagine in there is a way to make it real. And I am obsessed with that feeling. 

--- I have a weakness for cream. I like half and half in my tea. I like whipped cream on my waffles. I like straight up cream on my strawberries. I like clotted cream on scones. I like creamy milkshakes. The creamiest of cheeses. If its a cream based sauce I’m in. Just. Cream. 

SEVEN Things I Love:

I just now realized that there is a difference in the lists for “like” and “love” LOL there is no difference to me. I have no moderation, I either love something with my whole heart or not at all. So lets wax some poetry on things I have already listed, because the things I like I also love. 

--- Okay, pottery, so like, Pottery is amazing??? Because you take dirt!!! like muddy gross squishy dirt!!!! and you mold it into something you like???? And then you FIRE IT!!! Like how metal is that???? You are creating something from DIRT. And on top of that, it lasts FOREVER. like, people hundreds of years from now are gonna be digging up our civilization and our computers are going to be dead, our papers and paintings: dead, our books? Hopefully not dead. But whats going to be left is our city foundations, our places, our trash and our shitty broken pots. And goddamn, I am obsessed with looking around our world and just IMAGINING what these people in the far off future are gonna think. And there isn’t a single piece of pottery that I make in which I am not thinking those exact thoughts and trying to imagine what that person in the future is going to be like when they find this.

--- And on that note, places are just so fricking cool. Because I grew up in a mono-culture where the majority of the population belonged to the same culture and the identity of the place was a direct reflection of the people. But other places have SO MUCH DIVERSITY and I am just amazed and inspired about how you can take SO MANY PEOPLE from SO MANY DIFFERENT CULTURES and pack them all into a city, and then that city becomes its own culture??? and has its own Identity??? Like, New Yorkers, those people come from fucking everywhere on the entire planet, and YET everyone knows there is a New York culture that is just agreed upon? And New York has an cohesive identity to how it functions, and how it works. Just. How amazing is that. And Minneapolis, jeez, bless Minneapolis. Because it has the midwestern identity but its developing one all on its own. And it doesn’t have a National presence yet, so in a lot of ways its just developing its identity for the world and its just so amazing to see all the different ways that people provide input on how they want their city to develop, and with each step it comes closer and closer to a face it wants to display to the world??? Its like, seeing a teenage, trying out who they want to be and developing them self to become a real adult. And goddamnit I want to see Minneapolis into a fully mature Nationally known city. I can’t wait. 

---So plants, are like. The best therapy. Because plants don’t really talk, well okay I think they do, BUT PHYSICALLY, they don’t talk. And so in order to figure out what they need to you have to listen to them in a very different way then humans are used to?? You have to observe, and check-in and interact and just learn about a plant so that you can care for it. And I think thats exactly how humans are too, except we have this obnoxious thing called talking that sometimes make it difficult to actually figure out what is going on down below. Its easy for someone to say they are fine when they really are not. But plants don’t get to say that they are fine. When they suffer they do so silently and while they may want to scream for more water they have to let you know in other ways, drooping, changing color, dropping all its leaves in protest. And thats the other thing about plants too, is that every type of plant asks for help differently? How amazing is that. You have to get to know the plant on an individual level, there is no “one way fits all” fix-it for plant care. You have to know your plant. You don’t have to know all the plants in the world, just the ones you take into your care. And thats just so symbolic for me. And when I am taking care of my plants, I am taking care of myself too. Water for the plants, water for the Becca. Sunlight for the plants, sunlight for the Becca. Extra boost of fertilizer for the plants, extra boost of vitamins for the Becca. And I love my plants, even with their imperfections and wild ways of growing. Sometimes they get a whole lotta attitude in how they grow, and it isn’t picture perfect, but that doesn’t matter. Cause thats my plant! And its growing and thriving and I am so happy that its doing well! It doesn’t need to be the prettiest plant that ever existed. It just needs to live. And damn thats all I need. 

---Purple is just an amazing color. Like everyone has heard the poetry talking about the richness and royalty and the history that the color purple has. But for me? Purple was a color I was immediately drawn to as a kid for no apparent reason but that I liked it. And I was not allowed, because the color purple was Barney colors and my parents were so very concerned that the other kids would torment me (spoilers, the kids found other reasons to torment me, and I was just denied being allowed to wear my favorite color). And then there was the instance of my grandmother, who, lets be honest, doesn’t win any “good grandparent” awards. And she LOATHS the color purple. Just thinks its really ugly. And took every chance to tell me that whenever I went shopping with her or if she wanted to get me a gift and was looking for input. So i went through all these stages when I was little, only being allowed to like pink, but then internalized misogyny said that was dumb so then I chose blue to be my favorite color while completely denying that what I wanted was purple. So yeah. By the time college came around and I was an “adult” (lol) I was just like. Fuck this shit no one can tell me what I am allowed to like and claimed purple for everything in my life. and I mean. e v e r y t h i n g. Backpack? Purple. Every piece of clothing I owned? Purple. Jackets? Purple. ipod? Purple. Does the object come in purple? Yes. Well then that is the correct answer. When I broke down and finally dyed my hair purple (like I have wanted to do since I was little, but again, I was not allowed and can you imagine being a non-mormon kid in the little valley with purple hair in high school??? Fuck I would have been the anti-christ of all sinners.) But in Minneapolis it seemed like it would be far more acceptable and wouldn’t result in immediate social disgrace. So I did it. I graduated my undergrad and dyed my hair purple because I could. And it changed my entire life. No more wall-flowering. No more hiding in the shadows praying no one notices that you don’t quite belong. No more pretending that you don’t exist so that people can walk all over you as they pass by. When you have a wildly different color hair, you have to own it. There is no “oh haha, whoops” about it. You made that decision, you put the color in your hair with that intention. And now its there to stay until you cut it all off. And that was the kick in the butt for me. That was the thing I need to own my own self and to lay claim to my voice. And for a while, it wasn’t easy. It was learning a whole new skillset. And there was definitely a major time span that was just “fake it until you make it”. But I kept faking it for the sake of my purple hair, because every time I looked into the mirror it made me so happy I could cry. I wasn’t looking a the mirror nitpicking my reflection any more. I was just joyful, because my hair was purple and I loved it. So every time someone made a comment whether it was good or bad, I would be dying on the inside from having the attention on me. But I would pull out the big ole grin of joy that I wasn’t really feeling and be like “Yeah isn’t it great! Its my favorite color!” And the good comments would be happy for me, and the bad comments would be thrown off by my enthusiasm and usually go away. And at one point that big joyful grin wasn’t just a farce, and now, 9 years later, working for the federal government and people try and make a jab at my hair, I can just laugh and tell them how much fun having colorful hair is. And that they should give it a try too. 

[ocular-intercourse]

ugh, family update

made a thread on twitter and thought i might as well post something here, cause it does help me get stuff out of my head and heart when i write it down like that

so remember how my family wanted to have a meet-up so we could all talk about me being trans or rather transitioning in the future, that was today

and i had talks about the topic with most of them before, my younger older brother being the most supportive and understanding, my oldest brother generally not caring what i do as long as i am happy, but doubting if i’m not just looking for attention, and my parents just being worried i could regret things (mind you they probably have more problems with it, but thats the one they voiced) the general consensus being that they want me to be happy and if that’s something i have to do, i should do it. so far so good, could be much worse. it’s just..

i mean.. it’s already being hinted at in the reaction of my parents and my older brother, that they wonder if i’m really trans, or if i really need to transition, or if i’m not just making myself believe that for whatever reason, their theories reaching from ‘out of spite’ to just ‘a crapshoot at trying to find happiness’

but the whole thing just unearthed how they, mostly my oldest brother, my mother and my sister, do not believe i’m actually autistic (you know, because they know better than professionals or myself) and if i fake that, or falsely believe in that, then the same applies to me being trans too i guess

and my reaction to someone saying they don’t believe in my diagnosis is generally ‘then you don’t know what autism even is’ and thats the whole point. my oldest brother even agreed to that, but somehow still is sure i’m not autistic?? how does that even work? i got mad at that, and my sisters reaction was ‘see, you’re mad, you can’t be autistic’ which is absolute definite proof that she never even bothered to learn what aspergers even is. and they must know that?? that they never informed themselves, but somehow they also magically know that i can’t be autistic?? and i just really don’t know how they justify that conclusion in their minds? what are they basing it on? cause it’s certainly not medical or scientific fact. for whatever reason they just don’t WANT me to be autistic, they prefer to believe that i’m either delusional, lying to myself or to them, or that i’m just faking to avoid doing certain things, and that i just have to get over it or try harder, and i just don’t know where the benefit is in believing that?? why are they trying so hard to deny me this diagnosis? really what is the point? that i might realize they are right and magically all my symptoms will disappear? they are just hellbend on denying me the help that i need, the sense of reassurence the diagnosis gives you, knowing that you are not broken, that there is a reason for all the things that are so hard for you, for the chance that what? that i just force myself and start torturing myself till i’m maybe finally suddenly healed and it turns out it was all just imaginary or had other sources?

there where all this fun little nuggets in that discussion, from my brother finding it weird that i’m so informed about autism (which is supposed to mean i informed myself and am now using that to fake it, i guess?) to my dad saying me finding out i was autistic was a relief to me but it obviously didn’t make me happy in the long run (??? so now i’m clearly looking for a new strategy, transitioning, in hopes that maybe it will stick this time - even though i am not even unhappy but they don’t get that either), to the general ‘oh i have problems with that too, that’s normal’ that is completely missing the point of any chronic condition, and my mother’s ‘but i’ve seen you positively or even confidently interact with other humans before’ that’s just an other version of her ‘but you bought jewellery last month so i thought you were over that whole trans thing’.

i don’t know what the whole point was, for my brother to make that connection, from the talk about being trans to him saying he didn’t believe in my autism diagnosis which started this whole discussion. but somewhere along the line he said that this topic - of them not taking me seriously - obviously made me mad, and that that could be my motivation to want to transition, to show them how much i really mean it, instead of actually wanting to, that i’m in danger of just wanting to prove a point and just not being aware of it. 

and i hate this so much, this idea that i’m just not aware of the “real truth”, that i have no control or awareness of what i am doing or experiencing, that i am deceiving myself, willingly or subconsciously. and surely such things might happen, that someone is not aware of their true motivations and regrets doing something when they ‘come to their senses’ or whatever. but at this point they are assuming that is the case with everything i do. they are completely denying that i have any competence or self-awareness, and im not exactly sure why. to me it just sounds like they think i’m weak and lazy, trying to find ways to avoid things, that i just want attention, or maybe that i’m just too dumb to make the right decisions, or i just think it’s cool to pick weird things to identify with. and the whole time, when i tell them they don’t take me or my experiences seriously, they deny that that is their intention. where is the self-reflection there? what else are you doing please tell me. even if you are doing this under the umbrella of ‘just worrying about me’, the message remains: you have no idea what you are doing, but we do, your experiences are wrong, and you choose to see them this way to cover up what the real problem is, and then to avoid dealing with it like a functional human would, cause that would be work. (as if i’m somehow currently not working on my problems) at this point they are just doubting my intellect and my character, and worst of all they think i’m either not aware or in control of my actions in any way.

i don’t know what makes me the most frustrated about this, i feel desperate and absolutely powerless, i just cannot make them understand or believe in me or my words. i hate that they just assume i’m a liar, to myself or them, and there is nothing i can do to change or proof anything, because in the end they would just not take my attempts at that serious, again. i just feel utterly inferior, not at all because i am autistic or trans or asexual, just entirely because my word is apparently worth nothing.

with the trans thing i know, at least, that it is a passing thing, they will see, sooner or later, that i meant it, that i won’t regret anything. the autism thing is a whole other topic. last week i searched for some research papers and articles to send to my parents so they maybe gain a better understanding of what aspergers is, and how it shows itself in women. maybe i will send the articles to my siblings too. if they don’t care enough to look for information themselves, maybe they would read those. my therapist has also offered in the past, that i could bring my family to a session, so we could talk this through and maybe they will believe her, even if they continue to ignore the other professionals that made the diagnosis. i’m just afraid they would just latch onto anything the therapist might say that could in any way be construed as evidence against the diagnosis as definite proof that it is not true, cause thats what they’ve been doing till now, looking at a thing that might not fit, and deciding that’s enough to form an opinion. i will see my therapist this week and will talk to her about it. i’m just emotionally exhausted by this whole topic, i keep trying to find ways to indefinitely explain things, it’s just.. my siblings are very accomplished people, my oldest brother especially, being a chief resident neurosurgeon and all, and if they have come to a conclusion with their rightful confidence in their intellect, i believe it’s going to be hard for little old apparently not-accountable me to prove to them they are wrong, especially if they just want to hold on to the thought of ‘nothing’ being wrong with me for whatever benefit it gives them. 

they have no idea the amount of guilt i feel, not functioning properly, noone would choose this as an ‘easy way out’, being lazy or defiant, if there is also a way to just not be like this indefinitely. they also don’t understand how much the diagnosis has helped with this feeling, and with finding a way to excist in society without literally driving myself insane.

[itsmiyamore]

Hi y'all :))

Time for an impulsive decision