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ghost-in-the-hall · 11 months

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Fall For Me (Poly! Sleep Token x Fem! Reader) - Part V

Thank you as always to @spookyghostjelly for beta reading for me, you're the best bb!! ❤️❤️

Hello everyone!! This chapter is going to be a little more plot/lore heavy. But, we still get some sweet and flirty boys. IV brings Reader dinner and II is becoming more comfortable in his flirting. Thank you so much for reading, if you would like to be added to the tag list let me know!

WARNINGS: None

Part IV - Part VI

My Masterlist! ~ AO3 Link!

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Today was one of those times where your store was absolutely slammed. "I'll be right with you Jay, just give me one second." You clap the older man on the shoulder as you round the counter.

"No worries darlin', I got all day." He smiles cheerfully at you." You hurriedly set a fresh batch of coffee to brew, quickly cleaning up the station.

"Next batch will be done in about ten minutes guys." You smile as you pass by a tow of your usuals, a group of old timers that would set up shop at the shelf along one of the windows and spend their day drinking cups of coffee and playing scratch tickets.

"Now Miss (Y/N), don't you go running off, I got a vibe to pick with you young lady." You skidded to a halt, turning in your heels to face the myriad of curious stares.

"You better make this quick Randy, I got a line out the door." You huff with a sarcastic smile.

"I just want to know what you're doing hanging around with those cultists." Your eye involuntarily twitched as he spit out the word. "I'd just hate to see you get mixed up in that crowd."

"They're nice boys Randy." You hurry up to the counter as you continue to call over your shoulder. "It might do you some good to actually get to know them before you try to crucify them over nothing.

"Why don't you try inviting them to the Fall Festival?" Jay asks gently.

"Unfortunately I don't think they'd go. I know it's hard to believe but they're just as nervous about you as you are about them." You explain with a huff.

"I think it's worth a shot at least." He leans in a bit to whisper to you. "Now I can't speak for everyone obviously, but I think if the townsfolk actually got to meet them and see that they're not some big ol' scary monster in the woods… well, they might just come around." He offers his advice with a patient smile. "If you're saying they're a good group of guys I trust your judgment. Your word means a lot more to me than some blood thirsty reporter after a story."

"Thanks Jay, I'll ask them. Who knows, maybe they'll show up." He bids you farewell before leaving you to tend to the rest of your sea of customers. After what felt like an eternity your store was finally empty. You groaned, slumping over the counter. The cool linoleum felt nice against your sticky skin. You jolted up at the sound of the bell ringing above the door, eyes flashing over to reveal II and IV looking at you curiously. "Hey guys." You give them a tired smile.

"Everything alright, love? You look exhausted." II approaches the counter, his eyes full of concern.

"Yeah, just a long day." You explain. You sit down in your chair, resting your elbows on the counter. II copies your motions, his eyes searching yours, his nose just barely out of reach from bumping into you.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" You shake your head in response.

"You boys are already too good to me as it is." You giggle as II playfully rolls his eyes. "I'll be alright, just gotta do some quick cleaning before I go upstairs. Then it's a cup of ramen cause I'm too lazy to cook and shitty movie re-runs until I pass out on my couch."

"A cup of ramen isn't a meal, doll." He tuts.

"I know that, doctor." He chuckles at your sarcastic tone. "I'll be alright, one night without a proper dinner isn't going to kill me."

"I wish we could come help more around here, I hate seeing you so tired." IV chimes in, dropping an armful of snacks on the counter.

"I appreciate all your help, but I promise you, I'll be just fine." You respond with a reassuring smile. Neither of them seemed satisfied with your answer but they could tell you weren't in the mood to argue.

II sighs, "just promise me after you finish up here you'll go get some rest."

"You have my word." You chuckle. The two of them finish their shopping, idly chatting with you as you do some cleaning up. "Goodnight guys, get home safely." You wave as they head out.

"I better not come back here and see you exhausted tomorrow." II warns playfully.

"I'll try my best." He winks at you before pushing out the door. IV wishes you goodnight before joining his companion.

You collapsed on your couch with a groan once you finally made it upstairs. Despite how much you were trying to convince yourself you weren't hungry your growling stomach said otherwise. You lay there, staring blankly at the ceiling, when suddenly the familiar rumble of a pick up truck pulls into the lot. You stood, walking over to the window and pushing the curtain aside. You saw IV fumbling with something in his passenger seat before kicking the door open. You met him at the back door, he froze when he saw you standing at the top of the landing with a smirk spread across your features. "I, uh, I brought some food." He offers bashfully.

"Come on up IV." You chuckle before heading back inside. IV steps into your apartment, eyeing you curiously.

"I'm sorry I showed up without an invitation." He apologizes. You smile, taking a couple steps closer to him.

"You're welcome here anytime." He breathes out a laugh as his eyes dart to the floor. You offer to take the food for him, setting up a spot for the both of you on your couch. "I am curious, how did you manage to get fast food without raising any suspicion?" You ask as you pop a fry in your mouth. IV chuckles in response, adjusting to sit more comfortably.

"It's a funny story actually, I pulled up at the drive through and the kid working there told me he liked my costume." You laugh.

"Really?" He nods. The thought of the Fall Festival popped into your mind; how you would love to bring the four of them because you know they would have a great time, how it would give them a chance to see the town for what it really was, and of course your little crush on the charming masked men didn't help either. "IV, do you think Vessel plans on ever going into town? You know, aside from you guys making supply runs under the cover of darkness." You joke.

"If I'm being completely honest, I don't know." He pulls his mask away from his face to take a sip of his drink. "I'm the newest of our little group so I can't give you the whole story, but from what I understand up until we reached here things weren't too great. There's a lot of people out there who want to get rid of us before they even have a chance to get to know us. We've been run out of town after town, sometimes through more… humane means… other times not so much. But, we have something good here, with the camp in the woods, with you." He pauses for a moment to smile at you. "That's something I want to try and hold onto for as long as I can."

You study him for a moment, "what if I tried to help?" You offer. "I could be the middleman for you. People in town know me, I grew up here, that has to mean something. I just… I don't want you to have to constantly be worried about someone being out to get you. I know that if they met you, if they got to know the people I know you are, they wouldn't be afraid anymore."

"I'm sure Vessel would be interested in hearing you out. Who knows, maybe you'll actually convince him." He chuckles. "Between you and me, if you bat those pretty little eyes at him, I'm sure you could convince him to do just about anything." He jokes as he shoots you a wink.

"I bet that line works on all the girls, huh?" You giggle, trying to shake off the heat that had settled in your cheeks.

"As long as it works on you I'm set." You playfully smack his arm. He nestles back into the couch cushions, letting out a soft groan as he stretches an arm over the back, the back of your neck buzzing as you feel his warmth seep into your skin.

"You're all a bunch of flirts." You smile at him.

"A bunch of flirts?" You roll your eyes at his mock annoyance. "It's not my fault that you're so captivatingly beautiful." You noticed that growing familiarity in your chest. The steady thrum of your heartbeat as you tried to hide your flustered state. IV leans in closer to you, his side pressed flush against your body. "Once I met you I understood what they were all fussing over." He chuckles before muttering, "the perfect being brought to us by Sleep." You turn to look at him, his hazy blue eyes coaxing you in deeper with every passing second.

"Who's… who's Sleep?" You whisper. IV tilts his head, a curious expression matching yours. The pieces must have clicked together because he returned to his usual smiling self a moment later.

"You'll find out soon, Vessel's probably waiting for the right time to explain." You accepted his explanation without a fuss. You trusted that if it was something you needed to know they would tell you. He glanced up at the clock, "I'm sorry to cut things short, love, but I should head back." You nod, standing and walking him over to the door.

"Thank you for bringing some food." You smile.

"Anytime." He responds with a wink. "Get some rest, alright? II will throw a fit." You both shared a laugh before IV reached out and pulled you into his arms. You froze at first, not fully comprehending that he had wrapped you in a hug. But, the moment realization set in your arms slipped around his torso. Neither of you were in a rush to let go, the two of you standing in a comfortable silence as IV held you close, gently swaying you from side to side.

"Goodnight, doll." His hand lingers in your hip, taking your hand and giving it a gentle squeeze before slipping out the door.

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Tag List: @spookyghostjelly @herripinkle @thepoisonedchalice @themultiverseofmars @saturnhas82moons @wingsofeternitysstuff @creamwhxre @itsyagirl-snowflake @bookishpenguino @m0cha-bunny @coreofpleasure @madsthenightowl @dangerkitten1705 @rainy-darling @shad0wcast @amara-among-the-stars @venuswinnyix @dontpercieve-me-pls @ripleyswife @thepityscene @lipstick-and-lycanthropes @vmpirekiss @savaneafricaine @mustluvecho @the-hole-in-terzos-shoe (I think that's everyone, if I missed you or you would like to be added please let me know!!)

#sleep token fanfiction #iii sleep token #sleep token iii #vessel sleep token #sleep token vessel #iv sleep token #sleep token #sleep token iv #sleep token worship #sleep token x reader #vessel x reader #vessel

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forlorn-crows · 2 months

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𝑫𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑨𝒍𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒚

Rating: Explicit Pairing(s): Aether/Dewdrop Tags: quintessence use, sex magic, hand jobs, frottage, cumming untouched, cum eating, a whole lotta magick fuckery. they're in love your honor Words: 3171

Summary: “Wanna get inside,” Aether rasps with a stroke to both of their lengths. “Will you let me do that?”

Dew groans. “Yeah? How do you want me?”

“I want—fuck, sorry, not like that—” The quintessence ghoul fumbles with his words, tripping over the question he meant to ask.

“No? Then—”

“Something different.” His chest heaves in a shaky sigh. Then, another long, luxurious stroke that makes them throb against each other. “Not physical. Might be . . . weird.”

The fire ghoul rolls his hips and captures his mouth in a quick but dirty kiss. “I like weird,” he whispers, biting at Aether’s lower lip.

“Know it,” Aether mumbles back. “Might not be anything, though. D’you trust me?”

Note: this fic was inspired by @waywardsamaritan's fic, give and take. please thank them for the new Terrible thing quintessence can now be used for.

Read it on AO3 or under the cut:

Aether rests his forehead against Dew’s, panting hard. The smaller ghoul is pinned beneath him, caged in by his strong limbs. Arching into every touch he’s offered.

“Wanna get inside,” Aether rasps with a stroke to both of their lengths. “Will you let me do that?”

Dew groans. “Yeah? How do you want me?”

“I want—fuck, sorry, not like that—” The quintessence ghoul fumbles with his words, tripping over the question he meant to ask.

“No? Then—”

“Something different.” His chest heaves in a shaky sigh. Then, another long, luxurious stroke that makes them throb against each other. “Not physical. Might be . . . weird.”

The fire ghoul rolls his hips and captures his mouth in a quick but dirty kiss. “I like weird,” he whispers, biting at Aether’s lower lip.

“Know it,” Aether mumbles back. “Might not be anything, though. D’you trust me?”

“‘Course, baby,” Dew says softly, and oh, does that hushed tone do things to him. The fire ghoul strokes across Aether’s cheek, moving down to swipe his thumb across his parted lips. Bucking his hips so his cock slides against the thick underside of Aether’s own, in and out of the circle of his grip.

“Fuck—” he grunts. “Sit on my lap?”

Dew nods, and Aether pulls back so they can rearrange. It’s a quick tangle/untangle/re-tangle sequence that ends with the quintessence ghoul’s back to the headboard and the smaller ghoul’s legs hooked around his hips so they face each other.

“Hi, pretty boy,” Aether smiles, cupping that angular face between his hands. Always precious to him. Always worth taking another moment to admire. It earns him a pleased chuff and a kiss to his palm, heat rising to Dew’s cheeks so handsomely.

“Do I get to know what you’re gonna do to me?” he asks. Dew walks his fingers coyly up Aether’s chest, dancing around in the swirling hair that covers his pecs.

“Don’t even think I know exactly what,” Aether admits. He covers the hand on his chest with his own. Stalling. He knows everything will be fine—fantastic, even—but there’s a small part of him that fears he’ll fuck up the mood by experimenting with this.

Or that it might not even work at all. Turn Dew off to his magick, in some terrible way.

“It’s quintessence, yeah? But not in the exact way you’re used to,” he says slowly. “Something I’ve thought about trying. Promise you’ll tell me if you hate it?”

“I trust you,” Dew reiterates. He scoots a little closer, his lower stomach pressing to Aether’s belly. “Trust you to make it feel good.” Dew looks up at him with trusting eyes, and a face so open it makes Aether’s heart hurt in the best of ways. His scent flares with another spike of arousal, and it makes Aether ache for so much more.

“C’mere.” He pulls Dew flush to his chest, as close as he can get. One hand spans across his upper back, and the other brushes a stray piece of ashen hair back behind his ear. He can feel the shiver that runs down his lithe body, raising goosebumps as it travels from head to groin. It gets another twitch out of his cock, kicking against Aether’s with a blurt of pre sliding down the head.

“Shit,” the fire ghoul groans, eyes slipping shut.

“Haven’t even done anything yet,” Aether whispers, inching their mouths closer again.

“Want you to,” Dew replies. Inclining his head just right without ever looking, breath fanning across Aether’s lips as they capture his own.

Aether groans into it, kissing him as deeply as he can. Holding him so tight in his arms like he’d slip from his lap if he didn’t. It only takes a slurred fuck, Aethe, between breaths to really get him going, hands tangling in Dew’s hair and tongue licking across the back of his teeth. Impassioned, yet devouring delicately like a hummingbird's beak to a cupful of nectar. Treating him with reverence, yet priming him to feel Aether, and Aether alone.

Once the thrum of his own blood starts to pound loudly in his ears (and make his dick pulse), he slowly unfurls the magick at his core, letting it bleed upwards. Upwards through the gaps in his ribs, rising past his collarbone, floating through his cervical vertebrae and pooling onto his tongue.

“Ready?” He mainly mouths the word against Dew’s lips, but he’s nodding as soon as it’s uttered. Fingers digging in and scratching lightly at the back of Aether’s neck. The quintessence ghoul takes a breath and lets go.

Magick seeps into Dew’s body through their kisses, a smoke-like plume of energy growing in density with each meeting of their lips. The fire ghoul groans at the familiar feeling, leaning into its warmth. It doesn’t crackle or spark, but rather flows like a rich syrup tapped straight from the tree. Coating him slowly as it moves deeper inside.

“Fuck,” Dew slurs, mouth growing clumsy as quintessence slithers down the back of his throat. “It’s—” He swallows loudly. “‘S going down.”

“Just let it,” Aether soothes. “Let it find a new path.” And it does. Instead of weaving its way into Dew’s mind as it normally would, settling into the ridges of his brain and blanketing every synapse under Aether’s control, it sinks into his chest and makes its home there. Dew shudders and clutches Aether even tighter.

“Can’ kiss ‘nymore,” the fire ghoul mumbles, lips completely disconnecting from any meaningful movement. “H-oh, ssshit.”

“That’s fine, firefly, all you have to do is feel.” Aether helps him rest their foreheads together as Dew’s mouth goes slack and his breathing gets deeper. “Stay with me though. That’s it.”

“‘M here,” Dew assures. “Gettin’ used to it there.”

“Feels different,” Aether agrees. “Feels good though?” Dew only nods. “Feels really good for me, too, love.”

Aether can really feel him there, sitting next to his heart. That infernal heat darts out to meet his essence, curling around each other. Dancing an elemental tango. It only takes a few more moments before they meld together in some kind of hybrid amalgamation, and with that meshing, it all clicks at once:

“Oh.”

“Dew.”

The fire ghoul lifts his head from Aether’s and stares. The quint ghoul stares back. Wordlessly, Dew brings one of his hands to his chest, placing it flat over the spot where the magick hovers inside. He’s more lucid than he was just moments ago, but Aether can still feel that sluggishness in his veins—magick making him loose and relaxed, as it’s wont to do.

“‘S like you’re here,” Dew says softly. “Like . . . like you reached inside ‘nd—”

“Touched you,” Aether finishes. At that, Dew throbs against him with a little huff. “Fuck, can you take more?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me know if it’s too much, love. I’ll stop, soon as you tell me.”

Dew shakes his head. Eyes already sparkling with that amethyst purple. “Keep going. Wanna feel more ‘f you.”

Aether covers Dew’s hand as before, just now over the other ghoul’s skinny chest. The other he anchors across his shoulder blades, keeping his torso tucked in the curve of his arm. “Deep breath for me, love,” he mutters.

Dew obeys, and the bubble of their conjoined essences expands. The edges blur past his bronchial tubes, into his lungs, and downward towards his stomach. Slowly growing to fill the shape of him like a foggy mist filling the valleys and canyons between mountains. Aether can feel the tingles roll up Dew’s spine as his magick shifts and moves, and he groans along with him as it warms his entire chest. He can see it, too: a sanguine blush spreads across his sternum, putting the silver barbells through his peaked nipples into further contrast.

“Gorgeous,” he just has to comment.

Something flares inside of Dew, and he gasps. A quickened breath not unlike when he’s kissed in soft, secret places. “Oh, Aether—fu-uck,” he groans, eyes fluttering until they shut. Aether can feel the way his stomach goes hot from the inside out, fuzzy with warmth and arousal still. He latches onto that feeling, grazing further down until Dew’s body guides the quintessence to pool around his navel like iron shavings to a magnet. Re-centering the heart of the original ball of magick so it sits low in his belly instead. The spike of pleasure that follows wrings a needy groan from them both, and Aether can’t help the way he wants more.

“How do you feel so good,” he laments, hands shaking slightly as he pulls him close again. “Just—oh, want to fill you with it.”

Dew lets himself be pulled to Aether’s chest, body moving with a loose ease. Arms going limp and sliding down somewhere near his hips. His head lolls and falls into the crook of the bigger ghoul’s neck, parted lips grazing the skin there.

“It’s so . . . shit, ‘s like y’re in there. Inside ‘f me,” he mumbles. His eyebrows quirk up, brushing against the bottom of Aether’s jaw.

He exhales shakily. “So warm, droplet.” He’s relishing in the closeness this ritual of sorts allows him, both to feel and to understand. Aether makes it spiral lazily in his core, feeling around. Finding little spots to nestle the magick into. One spot in particular, around where his bladder sits, makes Dew whine so pretty, hips bucking of their own accord.

“M-more—there; ev’rywhere. Please,” the fire ghoul begs.

“Yeah? Wanna be full of me?” Aether feels crazy. He doesn’t know what he’s saying anymore; it’s like he wants Dew to let him in, even though he’s already in. Even though he’s already deeper than he’s ever been, touching parts of him he never thought he could. Literally crawling into him as if he’d cracked open his ribs and dug his fingers into his flesh, but in the kindest way possible. Intimate in a way he’s never experienced—or thought he could experience—before.

If Dew’s reactions are anything to go by, he’d say something similar. Or moan it. But Aether can sense that he feels all that and more.

So he’s going to grant him more.

“Will you tell me how it feels? That I can touch you here?” Aether breathes, expanding that bubble inside even further. Petting along walls of muscle and following branches of veins until the entire cavity of Dew’s torso is brimming with fire-tinged quintessence.

Dew groans and humps his lap more intentionally, seeking friction against the thick shaft of his cock. “Tingly,” he mumbles. “Everywhere. All you. Lucifer, ‘s just you.”

Dew grinds on him again, and Aether can’t help the moan that escapes him. But the pleasure is twofold: not only can he feel his own, but, from the inside, he can feel Dew’s, too. It’s a flash of insistent heat amongst the relative cool of his ether, building in intensity the longer he moves. Aether holds him tighter.

“Oh, ‘s on my—hi-hitting oh fuckin’ hells,” Dew whines, and Aether can feel on the edge of his magic that he’s caressing right where his prostate would be, and pressing down still. He doesn’t need to see the fire ghoul’s face to know his eyes cross when he does it. Dew keens and drools down his collarbone, cock spitting an equal amount of wetness onto his own.

“Yeah? You feel me there?”

“Everywhere,” Dew reiterates with a hiccup.

Aether sweeps his magick down even further, caressing him from the inside out: running tendrils of it over the inside of his hole, his taint, rolling through his balls and all the way out to the tip of his cock, which spits out the biggest glob of precum yet.

“Fuck, baby boy,” the quint ghoul shudders. “So hard for me.” He says it like he still can’t believe it, in awe of how easily Dew lets him in, even after all these years. How easy he can fill him up like this; how willing he is to take and take and take, without so much as a furrowed brow. And anything he wants, Aether will give him.

He nudges the center of magick even lower, right where he needs it. That infernal heat licks at the edges and tangles in it, trapping arousal and tumbling it over and over.

“Tha’s it,” Dew sighs as if he’s slipping into a hot bath. It’s followed up by a drawn-out moan that Aether can feel all the way down to his gut. Rocking his hips back and forth as the quintessence moves with him.

“Wanna feel you cum,” Aether grunts. “Wanna know what it feels like for you.”

Dew twitches, some choked-off, garbled sound worming its way out of his throat as his limp arms attempt to fold in on themselves. And even quicker than Aether can sense it, like he spoke it into existence, the fire ghoul is throwing his head back with a wail and cumming hard between their stomachs, cock standing ramrod straight in the air.

“Ae–ah—ha-ah-th-h-er-her—” His face is painted with bliss, relief, and pleasure all at once, strained into an expression of sin itself. Aether’s gut twists at the sounds that pour from his open mouth, growing louder even as his cock sputters through the last of his release.

“That’s it,” he breathes. “That’s—oh, fuck, Dew—” It’s one thing to feel Dew’s physical body as he spills, abs tensing, hips stuttering, cock growing wet and messy, but it’s another thing to feel what’s on the other side of it. How it builds in his thighs and his stomach, sensation zeroing in until it has nowhere else to go but out. The utter love that blooms in his mind and on his face as he’s gasping his name—the purest devotion and submission bursting from every cell.

It’s the last thing Aether can admire before the pleasure ricochets through their bond and back into his own body, launching straight down to his gut without hesitation or mercy.

Aether shouts. Dew shivers. All he can do is hold onto him as he’s forced to ride out not only an orgasm of his own, but the remnants of Dew’s as well. Energy flowing back to him twofold and flowing down his form in full body tingles.

He chants an endless stream of Dew Dew Dew, the name wrenched from his throat like an involuntary spasm, the contents of which he just can’t keep down. Lilac and crimson burst behind his eyes as they roll back. Vaguely, he can feel his cock pulse against Dew’s, balls fat and heavy as they just keep pumping. He doesn’t know how long it goes on for. How long he stays suspended in limitless euphoria. All he knows is pleasure and Dewdrop, and that’s enough to make him moan until his throat is raw.

It’s many a moment before Aether floats back from that down to earth, quintessence having receded from his lover and settled back into his own center. Cock having squirted out all it could give, thighs having clenched and unclenched almost to the point of cramping, and arms having held Dew as close as (in)humanly possible.

He feels a gentle wetness at his jaw, little presses of something against the sweat-dotted stubble.

“Hmm,” Aether starts, sinking back into his body at the insistent, yet calming touch. “Dewbug . . .”

The fire ghoul gives a soft little chirp, which is paired with a flick of an ear against his shoulder. But he doesn’t answer right away, just continues to lap at Aether’s jaw like a mama cat to her kittens.

“Crying,” he explains after a long moment.

Aether sniffles. Blinks until the dampness at his lash line registers. “Didn’t realize,” he says with a weak chuckle. “That was so . . . intense, Dew I—”

“Don’t have to explain,” he shushes. “I felt it.” Dew snuggles closer, hissing slightly at the friction of their laps. But he settles and sighs, wrapping his arms around Aether’s middle.

“Fuck, it was like . . .” he struggles for the words while he pets Dew’s sweaty hair. He laughs again, louder. “Like I came twice but at the same time.”

Dew groans. “‘S like you were inside me, Aethe. Pokin’ all the right buttons.”

The quintessence ghoul’s cock gives a half-hearted throb as he thinks about Dew’s head tipped back in ecstasy. “Satanas, I’ve never seen you like that. Felt you like that.”

“Baby, you can feel me like that aaanytime you want, unholy shit,” the fire ghoul says through a laugh. Aether can’t help but mirror his amusement, barking out a full-bellied laugh into the top of his head.

“I love you,” he says, shaking his head. He pulls Dew’s face from his neck so he can cradle it in front of his own. The fire ghoul smiles sleepily at him, purring at his touch. Aether’s heart skips a beat in his chest. He tangles his fingers in Dew’s hair as he pulls him close.

“I love you so much,” he says against his lips. Kissing him chastely but with all the meaning he can muster.

“So sappy.” Dew smiles against his mouth and hums into another kiss, sneaking some tongue in before Aether eventually pulls away and pulls him back into an embrace. He rocks a little side to side, breathing in that sweet, post-coital scent Dew always has. Like brown sugar and rich chai underneath the salt and tang. Aether sighs contentedly.

“Sleepy now,” he mutters, resting his cheek on the top of Dew’s head.

“Uh uh,” the fire ghoul protests, despite the yawn so clearly building up in his chest. “Sticky.”

“Think it’s your turn,” Aether teases with a pinch to his buttcheek. “If you want. Bath or just a towel is fine, too, firefly.” He’d do anything Dew wanted, but he’s simultaneously aware of the fact that if either of them attempted to stand up right now, their legs would be too jelly-like to hold them upright—and one cannot blame a ghoul for wanting to stay cuddled up to their mate, even if their stomachs are covered in spend.

Thankfully, Dew gives him a quiet chirp and scoots down towards the end of the bed, tugging on Aether’s legs to make him stretch out. Something in his back pops, and he groans as he sinks into the blankets.

As he predicted, instead of dismounting the bed, Dew slinks back up to him and settles down between his thighs. Arms wrapping around his legs and hands tucking under the small of his back.

“Don’t want me to feed it to you?” Aether runs a finger down his stomach where it’s streaked with white and cuts through one of the lines. Cum gathering on the tip of his fingernail. He wiggles it in front of Dew’s lips.

Dew licks it off, but then simply says: “No. Rest.”

The quintessence ghoul rumbles appreciatively and settles further into the bed, drifting off to the sensation of Dew’s warm tongue on his skin.

#the band ghost fanfic #aether ghoul #dewdrop ghoul #dewther #aether/dewdrop #dewdrop/aether #aether x dewdrop #dewdrop x aether #ghost fanfic #the band ghost #you BEST read mars' fic too. its important to meeee #quintosis #quintessence as hypnosis #KIND OF #we should just have the tag 'quintessence fuckery' at this point

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artists-ally · 2 months

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{Train Wreck} Cassian!sister x Azriel AU {Pt. 1}

Man it feels good to be back with this series again. If you're wondering why the title feels familiar, you might have read this before. I decided I wanted to pick it back up again, but I needed to make a few changes. So, here is the revised version of Train Wreck!! Feel free to re-read, there are some new things here and there, so it's definitely worth it!! Anyway, enjoy my loves! Part 2 will be up soon!! Title and series inspired by this song!

Word Count: 8,587

Warnings: angst, language, traumatized characters (will come into play later in the series, you've been warned now), abandonment,

Tagging: @thelov3lybookworm @needylilgal022 @librafairy @cyrygher @lees-chaotic-brain @sarawritestories @claireswritingcorner @dawneternal @ninthcircleofprythian @blessthepizzaman @lady-of-tearshed @pit-and-the-pen

Summary: After six years, this is the first time Ira and her brother Cassian have been in the same room. Under less than ideal circumstances, they're forced to meet again. Will Ira be able to forgive Cassian for the way he left things? Will she be able to trust the new friends she makes? Will she ever be able to open up to her brothers hot-shot best friend?

~~~~~

“He’s going to say no.” No response from the peanut gallery in the front seat. “Seriously, he’s not going to be okay with this. You might as well let me out of the car now.”

“Will you just be quiet?” Arthur snapped, eyes locking with mine from the rearview mirror. “Need I remind you that this is your fault. You’ve left us with no other option.”

“I told you, it wasn’t me. That was–” “Cal, I remember the story. And that’s all that it is. A story, a fabrication that Arthur and I are no longer going to be entangled in. You may be able to fool the police with that lie, but you can’t fool us, Ira,” Dana snapped, whirling around to shoot me some daggers. She couldn’t look intimidating if she tried; her face was like a bunny, and every time she frowned it just looked like she smelled something rotten.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. There was no way he was going to take me. We hadn’t spoken in almost six years, I didn’t even know he was alive until three months ago when I heard about his engagement.

Fourteen years of growing up together meant nothing to him, I guess.

The big, riverside house came into view at the end of an equally impressive driveway. A shame for whoever had to go and collect the mail every morning.

“Stay here, in the car,” Arthur barked.

I opened the door and got out of the car, kicking a few stones. Man this place was flashy; a big fountain in the circular driveway, a line of cars over by a garage. Not to mention the very obvious multi-million dollar mansion that never seemed to end.

“Lord, give me the strength to not strangle this child,” Arthur sighed, marching to the front door. I snickered, he was always so uptight.

“Not a child, Arthur,” I countered. “I’m fucking twenty years old.”

“Give it a rest, Ira. We’re trying to help you since you clearly don’t understand the basic human morals of being a functioning member of society,” Dana said, opening the trunk, catching a bag as it tumbled from the stack.

“Sorry that I don’t like to conform to the idealistic fantasy that is modern society.”

Turns out it’s hard to get a job with a criminal record. ‘We can’t hire a liability’ this and ‘we won’t have delinquents running our business’ that. So, I had to get creative with my… places of employment. It had been a fantastic plan. Brilliant even. Just something simple to save a few bucks so I could move out of this god forsaken place. But it got fucked up. Bad. And ended up with me in handcuffs.

This was my punishment. Instead of serving six months in county jail, I’m instead being dumped at this doorstep. Just what I always wanted. Knowing if I ever go back to the shithole I called home I’ll be arrested with a warrant.

I’ll never go in on a deal with someone ever again.

“Get your stuff,” Dana dropped a few things to the ground.

I came around the side of the car and heard the door open, and that lovely voice of his ring through my head.

Great. This is going to go fantastic.

“Arthur? W-What are you doing here?” he said, a hiccup to his voice.

“Cassian, good to see you,” the old man grinned, extending his hand. I watched through the windows of the van, saw Cassian stare at Arthurs hand and do nothing with it. “We uhh… we have something for you.”

“I don’t understand. How’d you find me?”

I could hear the crunch of gravel and I knew what was about to happen. Any second now I was about to come face to face with the douchebag I was dreading. I won’t lie, some small, juvenile part of me wished for him to be happy to see me. But I know it’s not gonna happen.

“Dana? What the fuck is going on? Why are you here? How did you-”

“She’s not the surprise, Cass,” Arthur clapped him on the shoulder and walked to the back of the car. I didn’t miss the way he shuddered.

There was a sharp yank on my elbow and I was pulled from the safety of my hiding spot. I jerked away from his grip, fixing the sleeve on my favorite jacket. Then I looked up. Fuck he’s…

“Ira…” He blinked several times, as if he could ever mistake me for someone else. Then I watched the color drain from his face. “It’s uhh… it’s been a while.” “Don’t give me that shit,” I couldn’t be bothered to be pleasant. Nothing about this would be fucking pleasant.

Cassian looked from Arthur to Dana, then back to me. And to the duffle bag that I was holding on to. I could see him connecting the dots inside his thick-ass skull. “No. No no no–”

“Cassian, she needs someone to look after her,” Dana expressed, chasing after him when he turned around.

“You cannot just plop her on my doorstep like some stray dog,” Cass shouted, throwing his arms in the air and all around.

“She’s your sister, for fucks sake,” Arthur joined. “She needs you to look after her. Since you left, Ira has done nothing but cause me headaches and gray hairs.”

“I’m right here, you know,” I walked over, throwing the bag down. “And I’d appreciate if you talked about me like a fucking human being, not some gag gift that is always shuffled around Christmas because no one wants it.”

“This is fucking ridiculus. I cannot take you in, Ira. I have too much going on.”

“Some things never change,” I huffed. “See, I told you he wouldn’t give me the time of day. You’re still the same selfish, self-centered asshole you’ve always been.”

“Don’t talk like that to your goddamn brother,” Arthor yelled, spit flying onto my cheek. It took every ounce of self restraint to not rip his fucking throat out. Do not stoop to his level, Ira. Calm the fuck down.

“Cass? What’s going on?” Someone called

Cassian scrunched his face, and my eyes went to the door. A pretty woman was standing there with her arms folded. She had a scowl on her face and narrow eyes. Her long brown hair was braided over her shoulder.

He heaved a sigh, rubbing his eyes. “Nothing, these people were just leaving.”

“Who’s here?” Another voice, a man, asked next. He was tall, had black hair and really deep blue eyes. They actually looked violet in the light. He was just as tall as Cassian when he came next to his side. The woman, with the most terrifying gaze I’ve ever seen, stood on his other side.

Cassian muttered something under his breath and rubbed his forehead. “This is Arthur and Dana. My foster parents from years ago. And this… this is my sister.”

“Your sister?” Both of them exclaimed at the same time.

He didn’t even tell them about me…

I stand there, shocked to my core. God I knew he was an asshole, but he never once mentioned me? What a fucking–

“They were just–” “Come in come in,” the man stepped down and shook Arthur's hand. “I am Rhysand, call me Rhys. Welcome, we are so pleased to have you. Cassian never mentioned having visitors today.”

“It wasn’t planned,” Dana let out the fakest laugh I’ve ever heard. She was one of those people who, when nervous, laughed after every sentence. I’ve come to despise the sound.

“No, Rhys,” Cassian shook his head. “They are not welcome. Take your fucking shit, take your goddamn bags, and go. You’re not allowed back here.”

At least that’s something we could both agree on. Neither side of this party wanted to be here. The feeling was mutual.

“Welp, you heard the man,” I clapped my hands together. “Sorry to disrupt your whole life, to remind you that I still exist but we’ll go now. We all know that you don’t want the responsibility anyway. You didn’t want it six years ago, so why would that change today?”

“You know goddamn well that if I had a choice I would’ve–”

“Okay, okay can we cool it a couple degrees here? Someone better start explaining what is going on,” the man, Rhys, said. He put an arm between Cassian and I. I wasn’t sure when I got in his face, but he might want to remove the barrier before it gets ripped off.

There were a couple too many silent heart beats, but both of us backed down. Cassian glanced at Arthur and Dana, taking a deep breath. I watched his chest rise and fall.

In for four, out for four. In for five, out for five…

A lump rose in my throat.

I could practically hear the conversation between Cassian and Rhys. This silent exchange of glances and body language I’m sure I’d never understand. But then Cassian backed down. Literally, he took a step back, hands on his hips.

“Would you guys like to stay for dinner?” Rhys asked Arthur and Dana.

Dinner? Dinner? Oh fuuuuck no. The four of us haven’t been in a room together for six years, and this crackhead just asked if we wanted to have dinner?

“We would be delighted,” Dana accepted, shooting me a look from head to toe. “Since it’s still midday, would you mind showing us around the property? It looks gorgeous.”

“Certainly,” Rhys says, offering his elbow. Dana latches on like a lost duckling, Arthur trailing after her.

And then there were two.

I looked up at the clouds, finding no discernible shapes amongst them. Welp. Here fucking goes nothing.

“Lovely weather we’re having.”

“Do not,” he pointed at me. “You are not staying here, whenever this little tour is over, you’re gone with them.”

“Gladly.”

“How the fuck did you guys find me anyway?” His eyes were full of rage. Full of hate. Full of resentment.

“It's amazing the things you can find with twenty bucks and a library computer.”

“You hacked into a library system and stalked me?” Cassian was dumbfounded.

I just smirked. “It wasn’t that hard, don’t give yourself too much credit. Kinda hard to hide somewhere when your face is plastered all over your website. ‘Velaris Hotel and Casino’ has a catchy ring to it, come up with it yourself?”

“I swear to god if I ever see you set foot in my hotel or my casino you’re gonna regret it. I cannot believe you hunted me down.”

“And I cannot believe you abandoned me,” I screamed. Years and years of pent up aggression. Years and years of shower thoughts and late nights wondering what I’d say to him when this moment came. And every single thing I’ve thought of has flown out the fucking window.

Cassian had the gull to roll his eyes. I almost smacked him across the face.

“Yo, are you coming inside or what?” A third voice sounded. God, how many people live in this fucking house?

A petite, blonde girl was in the doorway, her eyes bouncing between us.

“Well? You gonna invite me in or is that privilege only reserved for Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dumb?” I asked, rocking back and forth on my heels.

He looked me head to toe, and I got that same feeling as when Dana did it. Just raw disgust.

“Break anything and I’ll murder you.”

“I’m thinking you’re gonna murder me regardless but eye-eye-captain,” I nodded, following behind his solid frame.

The house was absolutely massive. I thought shit like this only existed in movies, not… wherever the fuck we were. Certainly not my normal run-down streets I was used to, and certainly not somewhere I ever thought Cassian was going to end up.

There were cabinets filled with fine dishes and a chandelier hanging in the front entrance. There was a massive living room with the biggest TV and couch I’ve ever seen. Same with the kitchen and the dining room, which was being prepped by maids. Legit, actual maids. For fucks sake could this get any stranger?

Cassian took a left and went up a set of stairs. Classic Cass, running away at any chance he gets. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

Cal: your a piece of shit I hope you know that

Me: You’re* but it’s fine.

Cal: i cannot believe you fucking left me

Me: Whoops. Sorry bud, I couldn’t stick around. You dicked me over so… guess that karma’s a bitch.

Cal: you know im bad with names

Me: WE USED EACH OTHERS MOTHER FUCKER. HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FORGET MY NAME

Cal: hopefully pretty fucking easy because i don’t ever want to fucking see you ever again fuck you ira

Me: Right back atcha, asshole.

The only person that I had remotely trusted was out of my life. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure I’ve ever had someone to trust. There were plenty of things I never told Cal. Plenty of things I kept hidden for my own safety. It was a strictly need-to-know partnership. I always got a little weary when he started asking too many questions.

And I learned pretty fucking quick you can’t trust your own blood either.

Lesson learned. Always. Trust. Your. Gut.

I trailed behind Dana and Arthur, always five steps behind, close enough to hear, but far enough to make an escape should I need to.

“Oh, and this is my wife Feyre. My darling, this is Arthur, Dana, and Ira, Cassian’s foster parents and his sister,” Rhys spared me a glance and I scrunched my face. Had Cassian really never bothered to tell them about me?

“Wow,” she had a small smile on her pretty face. Why was everyone here so pretty? “You look just like him. You both have the same eyes. And the same hair.”

“Great, what I’ve always wanted to be. Cassian's clone.” I couldn’t stop the eye roll.

“Ira,” Dana hissed. “Some manners?”

“Thank you, your Royal Highness.”

Dana smacked her forehead, mumbling something about gray hairs and a headache again. I chuckled. I thought it was funny. Especially the curtsy.

“They are staying for dinner, I’ll let them know to set a few extra plates,” Rhys said.

“Good, I wouldn’t mind getting to know some of Cassian’s family,” Feyre nodded, that small smile still on her lips. We had all meandered outside to look at their yard, at the fountain in the front of the house.

To no one's surprise, there was a matching one in the back by the pool.

We all went inside after seeing the yard, but Cassian lingered at the back of the pack. While Rhys took Dana and Arthur around to the kitchen, Cassian yanked me–why was everyone throwing me around?–into a room off to the side.

“What the fuck did you do this time?” Off to a great start.

“Wow, Cassie-”

“Do not call me that.”

He used to hate it when I called him Cassie. Especially around his friends because they would make fun of him for days after.

“No hi, how are you? No ‘it's good to see that my sister is alive and doing well?’” “Clearly not well enough since they dragged you all the way out here.” Cassian’s eyes were full of fire. Looks like he still had that canyon of a line between his bushy-ass-eyebrows when he was upset.

“You don’t know anything of what I’ve had to endure the last six fucking years without you.”

“What. Did. You. Do?”

I swallowed, I hated when he scolded me. “It wasn’t even that bad. They just gave me community service.” I lied out of my ass.

“Jesus Christ, Ira. What did they want to give you?” Cassian shouted for the whole house to hear.

“Doesn’t matter, I got myself out of it. Like I always do, without your fucking help. I am capable of taking care of myself without you.”

“Yeah you seem to be doing a swell job,” Cassian looked me up and down, clearly judging my tangled hair and ripped up jeans that I’ve probably had since middle school. “I thought all of this was behind you, Ira. When I left you were-”

“Abandoned. You didn’t leave, you abandoned me.”

Cassian relaxed his shoulders. “You know if I could’ve taken you with me I would’ve.”

“No you wouldn’t have.” I was waiting for him to argue, to deny that fact. But he didn’t, and his haunting silence was enough of an answer. I scoffed, a hard, bitter noise. “You know I don’t blame you, no one would want to take a juvenile delinquent anywhere, especially somewhere like this place.”

“Ira-” “Save you’re fucking breath, Cass. You don’t have to pretend around me, you’ve never had to. Just play along with it for one night and I’ll be gone by the morning. Then I won’t have to be your liability to shoulder ever again.”

I didn’t wait around to see his response. Somewhere deep inside I was actually excited to see him. To meet the person my scrawny, gangly brother had turned into. Now he was… a man. Like a real man. I never thought I’d see him with long hair, but here we are.

He looked healthy. He looked happy. For fucks sake he was engaged. Albeit to the most terrifying looking woman I’ve ever seen, but they looked like they somehow worked.

I found Dana and Arthur with glasses of wine around a large table, two other women that I hadn’t met yet.

“Ahh, this is her,” Rhys stood up, putting his hands on my shoulders. I immediately shrugged them off. “This is Ira, Cassian’s sister.”

“After all this time,” the pretty blonde woman spoke, looking at me from head to toe. “Who knew Cassian could keep you a secret.”

“You look just like him,” a girl who looked similarly to Feyre said, eyes wide. “I’m Elain. And that’s Morrigan.”

“Mor is fine, dear,” Mor smiled, coming over to me and Rhys. “Would you like to see the rest of the house?”

“Not really,” I grimace, but she linked her elbow with mine anyway, dragging me away. “I know that look. You’re overwhelmed. Follow me.”

I thought I was doing a good job at masking it. “You don’t know the fucking half of it.”

“I know Elain said this already, but fuck you look like Cassian,” she laughed, opening a room and revealing a giant bed with a balcony on the other side of some french doors.

“It gets really fucking annoying,” I rolled my eyes.

“Understood,” she nodded, not pushing it. “This is my room, you can go out on the balcony if you need some fresh air. Or the bathroom, whatever you want.”

This entire room was as big as the trailer I grew up in. I’ve never seen such a big bed, or a big closet. Jesus, she could have the entirety of Macy’s in there.

She must’ve caught me staring at it cause she walked over and flipped on the light. “Wanna take a look?”

I snapped back to her, shaking my head. I shoved my hands in my pockets, digging my nails into my palms. Everything in here was so pristine, and I was so… not. I didn’t wanna step anywhere but the hardwood floor.

“I like your jacket, those are some really cool patches,” she smiled, taking a closer look. She reached out and touched one, the blue plaid square fraying at the edges.

It was a cut out of Cassian’s flannel he left behind…

“Thanks,” I nodded, ignoring the lump in my throat. “I’ve spent a lot of time making them.”

“That's so cool, I have zero creative ability,” Mor sighed as she flopped back on the bed.

“Neither do I, just something to pass the time, I guess?” I took my hands out of my pockets, digging some grime out from under my nails.

I could feel her eyes on me. That tension. Knowing she’s about to say something.

“Look, I know it’s not my place to ask, but–”

“Then don’t ask. Cause I’m not saying shit,” I said bluntly. “Sorry if that's rude but I don’t know you and you clearly don’t know me so… I don’t need the whole ‘I know what you’re going through’ speech. You don’t. No one does. Not even myself.”

Mor nodded, sitting up, propping her arms behind her back. “I’m a little pissed at Cassian too.”

My eyes snapped to hers. “Why?”

“Because he has never once mentioned you? I know some of where he came from, of bouncing around the foster system, about ‘siblings’ but… he never went into detail. I just assumed they were all other kids in the system, you know? If he would’ve mentioned something about you, trust me, we would have not waited this long to be introduced.”

That… makes me feel slightly better.

“There's not much to know about me. I’m a fucking nuisance to basically everyone. Especially to Cassian, Arthur, and Dana apparently.”

“What the fuck is their problem?” Mor scoffs, folding her arms over her chest.

“I don’t know. Well– of course I know, it’s me. I’m their fucking problem and they’re trying to get rid of me. I made a dumb fucking decision, but I already did my fucking time. I don’t want anything to do with Cassian so I’m not sure why they’re dragging him into this mess.”

Mor just looked at me sorrowfully. Fuck, why did I say that? I don’t want her pity. I can’t pretend she cares about me.

She got off the bed and stood in front of me. She was shorter than I was, but not by a whole lot.

“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like. I know it’s fucking awful what they’re making you do, so I don’t blame you for wanting to hide. Help yourself to anything you need.”

And then she was gone. Blonde hair bobbing with her steps.

This isn’t fucking happening. I’m not in some strange girls room, alone nonetheless, in a different city hundreds of miles away from my familiar streets. I was not about to be abandoned here by Arthur and Dana because they couldn’t stand to take care of me anymore. Not the first, not the second, but the third time I’ve been abandoned.

Man this is some fucking bullshit.

I just looked around, envying all of this. It was all hers. All this space, all these things. All these clothes and dresses and jewelry boxes… Why can’t I have these things?

I swallow my tears. I’m so fucking pathetic, why am I about to cry? This is so stupid. Everything about this is stupid.

I head to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face.

A plan flickers to life in my brain. I know for a fact they’re going to sneak out and leave me and all my shit here. But, I’ll just leave in the middle of the night. Who the fuck is gonna stop me? No one. Who cares if I leave? Also no one.

I won’t make the same mistake that Cassian did. When I disappear, no one will be able to find me.

I took a long look at myself in the mirror. My tired eyes, my tangled, ratty hair. But I could see it… the resemblance between him and I. The same eyes. Same nose. Same hair. I’ll never be able to unsee it now.

Okay, Ira. just a few more hours and you're done. Done for good. You can change your name and move to Puerto Rico or something. Paris. Wherever you want to go. Well, you don’t know how to speak Spanish or French, which might be important but… that's why they have translating apps, right? You’ll be fine. You always are.

When I got back downstairs, there was a light chatter in the air. But it stopped the second I walked in the room.

My hood was quick to go over my head. No one spoke as I sat down and poured some water from the pitcher into my glass.

Thankfully conversation between Rhys, Feyre, and Dana resumed and the silence wasn’t eating me alive. I took out my phone and scrolled through instagram, posting a picture of a lake I had taken on the drive up here. Just like all the other posts, it wouldn’t get any likes.

“How do all of you know each other?” Arthur asked.

“Well I met Cassian when we were in high school, as well as our other friend Azriel,” Rhys started. “We made a deal with each other that when we graduate, we would do everything in our power to become the most powerful business owners we could. As you can see, that little pact is working quite well.” “How long have you lived here?” Dana asked next, clearly eyeing up Rhys.

“For about three years now?” Mor answered, Rhys nodded. “We kind of all found each other on the same paths and stuck together. We sort of own and share everything around here.”

“That is lovely,” Dana smiled. “And what do you do?”

“I own a casino and a neighboring hotel,” Rhys smiled. The moment I had learned about this hotel and casino, alarm bells rang in my ears. The devil's playground, and it was calling my name. Maybe I’d hit up for a few poker hands. “Cassian runs the whole thing, and Azriel kind of has his own thing.”

“Who’s Azriel?” Arthur unfolded the napkin and laid it across his lap.

“He is our other friend,” Cassian butted in, lips pressed in that line that I remembered. “He’ll be by later.”

“Great,” I rolled my eyes. “More people.”

“Will you please be polite for once in your life?” Dana whisper-yelled, clearly not being discrete enough since everyone looked at us.

I just shut my mouth, grinding my teeth. It’s not worth it, it's not worth it, I told myself. A few moments later, a large tray with some type of bird on it came out. It was too big to be a chicken, but too small to be a turkey? Duck maybe? I don’t know, it didn’t matter. It was food.

Everyone around me took their time while I ate like a heathen. Putting a little bit of everything on my plate and scarfing it down like someone was going to take it away from me. Guess I’m taking on the stray dog title pretty well.

“So, Ira. What do you like to do?” Mor asked me.

I don't know what part of my hood being pulled over my head gave off ‘I want to be a part of this conversation’, but here we go I guess.

“I have many hobbies.” I could see Cassian’s eyes narrow from across the table.

“Like?” Rhys stuck a green bean in his mouth.

“Uhh, f-fashion. And I’m very good at handling money. Other people's money. As well as picking locks and hotwiring cars-”

“She’s joking,” Cassian gave the fakest laugh– besides Dana’s– that I’ve ever heard. “We used to play cops and robbers when we were little, she always wanted to be the robber.”

“Did I?”

“Yes,” he practically growled. “You did.”

This was crazy. This was actually crazy to be doing this right now. If I had any particular feeling about the things I did, guilty and ashamed were not some of them. Who gave a fuck if I stole from Walmart or faked being a waitress to make a few extra bucks? If anything they should be thanking me for the extra set of hands. Which they didn’t have to pay for.

It wasn’t like I stole the Mona Lisa for fucks sake.

“I guess I did.”

“What was Cassian like growing up? I can only imagine some of the stories you have,” Nesta chimed in from next to Cassian.

“I have a few. One time, Cassian was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-”

“Do not-”

“And he thought that the peanut butter was in the fridge for some reason. Turns out he grabbed a bottle of dijon mustard and used that instead. He took one bite and threw up everywhere. It took Dana a week to get the smell out of the kitchen.”

Everyone grimaced, poking fun at Cassian for making a jelly-mustard sandwich. “I guess that explains the nausea every time I make one.”

“You still can’t stomach even the smell?” My eyes were a little wide. That had to have been from when we were still in elementary school.

“Nope,” Cassian’s tone was harsh, fork forceful as it went into his mouth.

“What is everyone laughing about?” A new voice said from over my shoulder. When I turned to look… holy mother of Jesus fucking–

“Azriel,” Rhys, still in a fit of laughter. “Listen to this: Ira, Cassian’s sister, told us why he runs for the hills every time he sees peanut butter.”

“S-Sister?”

I could not have ignored the exchange between Cass and Azriel if I tried. Those alarm bells from earlier? They were deafening now. Much like Cassian and Rhys earlier, their eyes and body gestures were like a language in and of itself. Impossible to understand, but something was said.

“Azriel, this is my sister. Ira,” Cassian gestured to me without looking. “This is Azriel. And my foster parents, Arthur and Dana.”

I held Azriel’s gaze for a second. I couldn’t quite figure out what his problem was, but he better not have one with me. I challenged his gaze, but he refused to back down.

Azriel gave a not-so-subtle look at me, but didn’t say anything as he moved to sit with us. A sharp kick to my shin had me wincing. When I looked up, Cassian met my heated gaze.

Don’t even think about it, he mouthed, glare set so deep in his eyes I wasn't sure his eye lids would peel off his face.

One raise of my eyebrow told him I was up for the challenge. I could see his jaw clench, and that only made me want to push his buttons.

I managed to break my vice hold on Cassian and look at Azriel from across the table. He had these lighter colored eyes, hazel I think. And a dark mess of hair. He wore a fitted black athletic tee, and black sweats with a Nike swoosh on the hip. I think I stared a little too long, cause when I looked back up at his face, he sent me a wink.

I damn near gagged. He wishes.

“And you’re engaged? That’s wonderful, Cassian. I am so happy for you,” Dana gushed while looking at Nesta’s ring. “Congratulations, you two. Do you have a date picked out?”

“No,” Nesta said sternly. “We are just going to wait things out. Until both of us feel ready.”

Cassian nodded, not offering up any words.

“What would you guys like for dessert?” Rhys asked, listing off a few options. I stopped paying attention after chocolate cake because who would want to hear anything else?

“I’m afraid we better get on the road, it is a long drive back to our home. Thank you for dinner, it was delicious,” Arthur stood up from the table, shaking Rhys’s hand. “Cassian, a word, please?”

With a deep breath, Cassian stood up and followed the old man out of the room.

“Okay, now that he’s gone, can we all agree that there is something wrong with him? I’ve never seen him so… so rigid in my life,” Mor blew out air from her lips, shaking her head.

I offered a tad bit of insight. “Dana and Arthur are kind of fed up with me so they’re just gonna take off. And leave me here. But don’t worry, I’m just gonna find a bus stop in the morning and be gone before any of you wake up. No biggie.”

The room was silent except for my fork scratching on the plate. When I looked up, everyone was looking at me funny.

“Ira, what? They’re gonna leave you here?” Mor gasped.

“It is a long story. And they think I need a role model to get my life together. Why Cassian is that role model I’ll never understand because the last I knew of him he was just as irresponsible as I was.”

Rhys took a sip of wine, “How long has it been since you’ve seen each other?”

“Six years. But I mean you all probably know him better than I ever did so, might wanna ask that prick why he abandoned me.” I took a big piece of this chocolate cake into my mouth. “Fuck, this is good.”

“What happened?” Feyre prodded.

“We are lightyears away from you being able to ask that,” I laughed. “No offense but, it’s none of your fucking business.”

Again, the room was silent, except for a small snort at the end of the table. It wasn’t Elain because she was so red she looked like she was gonna pass out. And the only other one was Azriel.

“Hint taken,” Rhys pressed his lips in a flat line. “Well, you are Cassian’s family, so you are always welcome in our home.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to be here any more than you want me to be. I’ll figure it out, I always have. It’ll be like I was never here,” I took another forkful and shoved it in. Damn, I was gonna miss this cake. “So, Rhys, you own a casino and a hotel. What do the rest of you do?”

I’ll pretend like I care for my own amusement.

“Well, Cassian runs the casino and hotel,” Rhys pointed out again. “Azriel owns and runs the adjacent club. We basically have our own empire here.”

“Sounds riveting,” I rolled my eyes. “What about you Mor.”

“I am the best fucking bartender this place has seen,” she grinned. “And I model here and there.” “Wonderful.” So she’s a princess. Got it.

“I have an art studio. I teach classes and do some workshops,” Feyre said. “But most of the time I am at home with our son Nyx. He is… he’s a handful. A spoiled handful.”

“Hey,” Mor said, “to be fair, he is the first kid in our group, what did you expect?”

“He’s barely two, he doesn’t need designer clothes that he won’t fit into after a few months anyway. It's a waste of money.”

“Feyre, darling, I don’t know if you’ve looked around, but we kind of have a lot of money. It could use some wasting,” Rhys patted her thigh under the table.

I can only hope to have enough financial security to be able to say sentences like that. They could probably retire right now, all of them, and never make a dent in their fortune. Lucky bastards.

“What is it that you do, Ira?” Azriel poked his head from around Mor.

“Oh,” I sputtered. What the hell was I supposed to say? Certainly the fact that I commit petty crimes won’t go over well. “I’ve had a lot of jobs. I don’t have a set career yet.”

“So hot-wiring cars is just a hobby then?”

A stream of water shot out of Mor’s mouth and onto the table. How did he even hear that?

“It’s a skill. Don’t come crying to me when your battery dies and you don’t wanna pay a hundred and fifty dollars for AAA to come and pick up your ass,” I deflected. Another skill I had built up over the years.

“And the locks?” Wow, he was kind of an asshole with supersonic hearing. I could see why he and Cassian hung around together.

“I was a locksmith,” I mustered up my best smile and scooted my chair so I was sitting at an angle.

“Ah, so it wasn’t just the ‘cops and robbers’ you and Cassie used to play growing up. Good to know,” Azriel wiped the corners of his mouth with his napkin. He stood up, saying something about having to leave because he had to open up.

Just as he was walking by, I stuck my toe into the walkway and he tripped over me. Azriel all but went through the wall, Cassian coming around at the last second and catching his arm.

“You alright?” He asked as Azriel straightened himself out.

“Yup. Fine.” The glare he gave me sent a smirk curling at my lips. Two can play that game, mother fucker.

I, very gracefully, scratched the corner of my nose with my middle finger. He got the message. But so did Cassian.

“Your stuff is in the driveway. Go get it and meet me upstairs.” Cassian looked so pissed off. His shoulders were pinned to his ears again as he stalked away, that silence settling back in the room.

“Guess that’s my cue to get a move on. Thank you everyone, a pleasure to meet you all,” I said with a genuine tone. They were all cool.

The three duffle bags and backpack were not light as I carried them up the stairs, trying not to knock over all the decorations and pictures on the wall. One of them didn’t survive. It crashed all the way down and shattered on the hardwood floor. Cassian cursed from somewhere.

With a thud, I let go of all the bags in some random room at the end of the hall. It was barely big enough to call a hobbit hole. There wasn’t a window or a real bed, just some cot with a pillow and a blanket. “Glamourous.”

“It’s the best that I could do,” Cassian all but rolled his eyes.

“A couch would’ve been better,” I plopped down on the taught fabric, bouncing a little. “Sorry about the frame.” “It’s fine,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, Ira I’m sorry about how I left you.” “Yeah well apologies don’t mean a fucking thing to me unless you fix it, Cassian,” I folded my arms over my chest. “And for the record, I would’ve understood if you would’ve just fucking told me what was going on. Instead, not only did you not tell me, you ghosted me.” I just blinked up at him, waiting for an explanation. “Well?”

Nothing. Not even a strangled breath. “I just had to.”

“That’s the best you can do? Are you seriously still that fucking thick in the head?” “I didn’t have a choice, Ira,” he shouted.

“Yes,” I nodded. “You absolutely had a choice. You could’ve at least left me a fucking note with a number on it so I could talk to you. You were all I had, Cass. All I fucking had and you just disappeared. What did you expect me to do?”

Cassian shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I-I don’t know. I thought you’d get yourself together and make it out too. Build your own empire, like the one we have here.”

“In case you forgot, I didn’t get to finish school like you did.”

“Well that’s not my fault.”

The fucking nerve. I stood up, barely coming to his chest, and smacked him across the face. His head jerked to the side, and his mouth fell open. I shoved him into the wall on the other side of the hallway and he fell into it.

“You are a piece of fucking shit Cassian.”

“Ira–” “Did you really think that I would end up alright without you there? Could you really be that fucking stupid?”

“I didn’t think that–”

“Of course you didn’t. You never have. You’ve only ever thought about yourself and what would benefit you. You never gave a shit about me, I was just a burden you couldn’t get rid of.” “That’s not true,” he gritted his teeth.

“Tell me that I am not a constant reminder of dad. Or mom. Tell me.” I waited for a response. When nothing came, I felt the nausea roll through my body. “You are one sorry son of a bitch Cassian.”

“Jesus Ira you think I wanted to abandon you?” “You haven’t given me one other reason to believe anything different,” I was screaming now. I didn’t care if anyone else heard. “The last memory I have of you is seeing you packing a fucking bag and climbing out your window, what else am I supposed to believe about you?”

A door clicked open, and Azriel emerged. He looked at us with raised eyebrows. “Everything alright?”

No, you fucking prick.

“Just re-kindling our sibling rivalry,” I gave a mocking look, staring down Azriel. “Mind your own damn business. This doesn’t concern you.”

“Ira,” Cassian said, somewhat appalled.

“Just fuck off, Cassian,” I waved my hand at him. “Like I said, I’ll be gone in the morning and you don’t ever have to worry about making it up to me again because you won’t be able to. Hope you are happy living in your perfect little bubble with your perfectly little circle. Hope they’re all more important to you than I ever was.”

I slammed the door shut quicker than he could get a response out, leaning against it. I hadn’t ever realized that I was shaking.

Whatever. Fuck him too. I don’t need Cassian. I haven’t needed him for the past six years. God, has it really been that long?

There was no use in unpacking so I just piled the bags in the corner of the room. And there was also nothing to do besides lay down simply because there wasn’t enough room to do anything else.

Maybe when everyone has gone to sleep, or home, I’ll go sneak around. Take something just to piss him off. Nothing too valuable, but something really inconvenient like all the salt and pepper shakers or all the spoons.

Or one of the Corvettes in the driveway.

My mind was racing with thoughts, but eventually I had fallen asleep because the sun was peeking through the crack under my door. I stirred and sat up, sighing loudly.

I changed into a hoodie and some other jeans, slipping my jacket on knowing it'll be chilly.

With far more precision, I made it downstairs to the front door. It unlocked easily, thankfully no alarm system went off. The crisp morning greeted me and I slipped out silently.

Fuck, this driveway was long. Couldn’t they be normal and have a normal fucking sized driveway? It was so unnecessary.

And of course there was nothing at the end of it. Just the road and nothing else. Not another house or anything. Who knows how far it could be until a bus station. Hopefully this place wasn’t filled with a bunch of weirdos and I wouldn’t get kidnapped.

The thought of carrying all these bags for miles would tear up my back and shoulders. I didn’t have that much but… I needed all of it.

“Ira!”

I whirled around and saw a Cassian shaped silhouette coming down the driveway. Oh great.

“Come to demand I pay for the broken frame?” “Stay.”

What? “What?”

Cassian breathed heavily, “Stay. I-I am so sorry for what I said. And you’re right, I don’t ever think of anyone other than myself. And I’m sorry I never told you where I was going. I want to fix it, but I can’t if you don’t at least let me try.”

I dropped the bags, totally not believing what I was hearing. “And what if I don’t give a flying fuck if you want to or not?”

Cassian completely deflated. “Please, Ira. I made a promise to mom and dad that I would look after you. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I don’t feel like a piece of shit for what I did. I miss you.”

So what if he made a promise to mom and dad? He made a promise to me. To always stick together. To always be there. He hung me out to dry before I even had a chance to notice. His apology means nothing. His desperation means nothing.

I fucking hated Cassian. More than anything right now I wanted to watch him be boiled alive. Could he really even help me anyway? What was the fucking point of any of this? I was already humiliated, and dragging innocent people into my bullshit surely didn’t help.

I sucked in a big breath, hiking my bag up on my shoulder, ready to bolt. “Why should I?”

“Because what other option do you realistically have?”

“That is not fair,” I flare my nostrils. “You have no right to waltz back into my life and pretend you give a shit about me.”

“You were the one who was dropped on my doorstep,” Cassian pointed out, making my stomach drop.

“You know, you’re doing a shit job at showing that you legitimately want me to stay, asshole.” I was getting a little angry. Good things did not happen when I felt betrayed. “And for the record, I tried to talk them out of bringing me here, but they went around me and got a fucking court order. So, whether you want to believe it or not, it was not my choice to be here. I can’t even go back with Dana and Arthur because there will be a warrant out for my arrest.”

“Shit…” Cassian dragged a hand over his face. “Ira I’m-”

“Sorry? I know. But you lost the privilege of my forgiveness long ago. It is gonna take a hell of a lot more than ‘I’m sorry’ to fix what you’ve done to me.”

“I know, I know,” Cassian softened his eyes and his voice, standing tall in front of me. “Just… give me something. Anything, and I will never betray you ever again.”

Should I believe him? I have no fucking idea what to do. All my senses are telling me to run and don’t look back, but that gaping pit in my stomach that formed when he left seems a little less… gaping.

This was gonna be a rough fucking time. Nothing about this is going to be easy, but… he was right. I didn’t have another option. Prison, if I really was desperate, but I didn’t quite feel like losing all my basic human rights.

If he wanted me to stay, there were going to have to be some sacrifices on his end.

Maybe a little room for petty behavior.

“I want a real fucking room.” I demanded

“Any one in the house.”

“I want yours.”

“Absolutely not,” Cassian furrowed his brow. “Plus, I don’t even live here anymore. Just Rhys, Feyre and Nyx. Nesta, Azriel and I live in the next town.”

“So what, you all just visit together and pretend to be a big happy family?” I scoffed, kicking a stone.

“We don’t pretend, Ira,” he didn’t say it rudely, but more matter of fact-ly. And he looked at me like I had never known what a family was. I guess he forgot that when he left it kind of ruined me. Or again maybe he just didn’t care what it would do to me back then.

Cassian looked sad. Not depressed or upset, just sad.

“Your room or I’m gonna walk away right now.” There was no room for negotiating in my voice. I could see the conflict in his eyes, but with a sigh he gave in.

“Fine, you can have my room,” Cassian rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Was that so hard?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “Actually it was. I spent weeks designing that room. All for it to go to fucking waste.”

“Sucks to suck I guess,” I smirked, shouldering two of my bags. I took a long, non-rage-filled look at my brother. Man… he looked so different. Six years is a long time to not see someone.

I gotta make this work. “I’m gonna work hard, you know. I’m tired of always being in the fucking mud.”

“Yup. Me too.” Nice, asshole. “You’re going to have to follow some rules and check in. This isn’t going to be a free-for-all, you’re gonna have a curfew.”

“A curfew? What am I, thirteen?”

“Until you can prove to me that you’re not gonna go and rob a bank, yes, you’ll have a curfew,” Cassian picked up my other bags and started walking back to the house. “We’re gonna find you a job because I will not be funding your operation.”

“What happened to ‘we have a lot of money. It could use some wasting’?”

“Rhys wasn’t wrong,” Cassian said. “But just because we have it doesn’t mean you get access to it.”

“Jeez, sorry I brought it up, grumpy pants. And what kind of rules anyway?”

“We’ll talk about it later. Some of us like to get a full eight hours of sleep every day so I am going back to bed. You’re not allowed to leave the house until I say so, so find something to do.”

“Or someone,” I whispered to myself. But Cassian heard. “A joke.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you eye fucking Azriel,” Cassian practically gagged. “That is one of your rules. You are not allowed to be engaged with him in any type of way. The last thing he needs right now is you.”

“Right to the heart. And please, I could do better.” That part was debatable for sure.

“I mean it, he’s been through a lot the past year and a half. It took him a long time to get to where he is and I won’t let you ruin it for him,” Cassian said possessively. “He, along with everyone else, is my family. Fuck with them and you’re dealing with me.” “News flash, buddy, so am I. We share the same DNA, and hair and eyes according to everyone else on the fucking planet.”

“Ira, I’m serious. If you fuck around with Azriel and I find out I sweat to–”

“Jesus, calm down Vengeance. Gotham is safe from the Joker,” I followed him inside, clicking the door shut behind me. “I won’t get involved with Azriel.”

“Good.”

He carried the bags to his car, telling me we’d make it to his house sometime in the afternoon. After that? I just… wandered. I looked in the kitchen, grabbing an orange and a few granola bars from the pantry. I slipped out the back door to the pool and sat on one of the lounge chairs.

The sunrise was full of oranges and golds. Much different from the other sunrises I’m used to up on the roof. The soft wind blew the water in the pool, making gentle lapping noises. I closed my eyes. Stretched my legs.

I’ve gotta be careful or I might get used to this.

I know the ending of this book. Read these pages, seen the titles. It’s gonna be no fucking different. I’ll give it the good ol’ college try, but it’s never gonna fucking work. I’ll do something stupid, piss off the wrong person and Cassian will kick me to the curb. Just a waiting game.

Nothing I can do about it, so I might as well see where fate takes me.

#ally writes #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfic #azriel x oc #azriel acotar #azriel x ofc #azriel spymaster #acotar fandom #acotar fic

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scoonsalicious · 4 months

Text

8.1 Major

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: Lily McIntyre, trainer for new SHIELD recruits at the Avengers Tower, has been in love with her best friend, Bucky Barnes, from the moment she met him. She's been content with her role of the #1 girl in Bucky's life, even if it means she has to sabotage a romantic relationship or two. It'll be worth it when he realizes that they're meant for each other, right? There's just one small problem: Lily McIntire never expected Bucky Barnes to fall for You.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, mentions of violence, death, nightmares.

Word Count: 1.8k

Previously On...: Sexy times ensued, you went back to the compound with Bucky.

A/N: I got nothing today, lol

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The sun was an oppressive force, beating down mercilessly on Major and her unit as they trekked through the rocky outcrops. The air was thick and suffocating, making each breath a struggle in itself. Sweat poured down her face, stinging her eyes and soaking her clothes beneath the heavy body armor she wore.

The weight of her gear – body armor, helmet, ammunition, weapons, and equipment – felt unbearable. Each piece pressed down on her body, making her feel trapped and weighed down, claustrophobic. Each step was painful– the metal elements of her gear, heated by the merciless sun, burned against her skin and the rough fabric of her uniform chafed, creating raw, painful spots where her gear rubbed against her body.

As Major moved beneath the blistering Afghanistan sun, she licked at her cracked lips, but her tongue was bone dry. Every muscle in her body was aching with fatigue, the oppressive heat sapping her energy.

Her vision blurred, the combined effects of the heat and dehydration, and she blinked several times to clear her vision.

She looked back at the line of troops following her– the men and women who had volunteered for this mission, who were willing to put their already endangered lives at further risk to go behind enemy lines at her command. In the distance, she could still make out the sounds of battle around them: the distant gunfire, the low hum of helicopters, the crackling of radios.

Trying to ignore the pounding of her heart, Major paused to double-check her map and GPS before leading her unit through a narrow, rocky pass. The terrain was difficult and treacherous, and she needed to be careful of her footing. A slip or fall out here could mean putting the entire mission in jeopardy if they had to call for rescue. That was a risk she wasn’t willing to take.

This hadn’t been the only route to reach their objective; after careful consideration, Major had selected the shortcut for the time it would cut off from their overall mission. Her second in command, Sergeant Lee Daniels, had protested, warning that the area hadn’t been properly scouted, and therefore the unit couldn’t be sure what might await them within the pass. In the end, though, it had been Major’s call, and she was confident in her decision.

“I trust you completely, Major,” Daniels had said to her before they began the mission. “If you’re convinced this is the right way to go, I’ll follow you.”

The unit had trekked their way through the rocky pass, guns at the ready and eyes constantly scanning the outcroppings for any signs of an enemy presence, but so far, all had been quiet.

The silence was broken by a deafening explosion ripping through the air, and Major was thrown to the ground. She struggled to regain her senses, ears ringing and vision blurred by dust and smoke. She fought to quell the rising panic surging through her as she tried to visually assess the state of her team.

They had scattered– some wounded, others scrambling for cover through the haze of dust and debris filtering through the air.

Through the chaos, she could hear the sound of one of her men shouting “IED! We’re hit!”

Scrambling to her feet, Major felt her heart nearly pounding out of her chest with both fear and guilt. She was the one who had insisted on this path. She was the one who had dismissed Daniels’ earlier concerns about potential threats in the area. And now, as the dust began to settle, she spotted Daniels, lying on the ground, his body twisted and covered in blood. Somehow, through the madness, his eyes had managed to find hers, and he locked onto her gaze with pain and confusion

“Daniels!” Major screamed as she rushed to his side. She reached down, trying to apply pressure to his wounds, but her hands were shaking uncontrollably. She watched helplessly as blood began seeping through her fingers, staining the tips crimson. “I’m sorry, Daniels. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed, but her apologies were no use.

In his final moments, Daniels’ voice was weak, but still he managed to whisper, “It wasn’t your fault, Major. It happens…” His words hung in the air, hollow and meaningless to her. As she watched, the life drained from his eyes, and his hand went limp in hers.

The next thing Major knew, she was standing alone in a vast, empty desert, the silence oppressive. The sky darkened, and shadows stretched across the sand, morphing into the shape of a man. As the shadows solidified, Daniels' features appeared within them, his eyes filled with the same haunting look of pain… and betrayal.

“Why did you lead us here, Major?” his voice echoes, blending with the wind. “You knew the risks. Was my life really worth saving a few hours?”

Major tried to explain, to beg for Daniels’ forgiveness, but no words would come out. Her mouth moved silently, her throat constricted with grief and guilt. The shadows multiply, surrounding her with an infinite number of Daniels that close in around her, their faces accusing, their voices a chorus of anguish.

“You should have listened,” they chanted. “You should have protected us.”

The ground beneath Major began to crumble, and she felt herself sinking into the darkness. She reached out, desperate to hold onto something, anything, but her hands only grasped at empty air. She was falling, falling into an abyss of her own making, surrounded by the echoes of her mistakes and the faces of the one she couldn’t save.

You woke with a start, gasping for breath and drenched in sweat; the t-shirt of Bucky’s you’d gone to sleep in plastered to your skin. You put a hand to your chest– your heart was pounding so hard, it felt like it might burst from your ribcage. The darkness surrounding you felt suffocating, and as your eyes adjusted to it, you began to panic– this was not your room, and in your anxiety-fueled state, you were convinced you were still trapped in the abyss of your nightmare.

No, you reminded herself. You weren’t trapped in the abyss– you were in Bucky’s room. You were safe. You were someplace where the memory dream could no longer hurt you.

“Sugar?” You felt Bucky sit up next to you and slide his arms around your waist. “Are you alright?”

As the adrenaline pumping through your system began to fade, you were hit with an almost unbearable weight of embarrassment. “Yeah,” you croaked, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “I’m fine. Go back to sleep, Bucky.”

“Nuh uh,” he said, leaning over to flick on his bedside lamp, and you breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of the receding dark. “I know what a nightmare looks like, doll. Have to say, I’m usually the one waking up screaming from ‘em, though.”

You turned your head to look over at him, and saw no recrimination or judgment in his eyes, simply understanding. “You get them, too?” you asked him, your voice small.

Bucky nodded and reached over to tuck a strand of hair away from your sweat-slicked forehead. “Used to get them every night, when I first got away from Hydra,” he confessed. “Sometimes, my body would wake up, but my mind would still be stuck in the dream. I’d get violent. Hurt myself. Punched Steve once when he had the bad idea of tryin’ to wake me up from one.”

You offered him a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “How’d you get them to stop?” you asked.

Bucky’s arm wrapped around your waist as he leaned back against the headboard, pulling you into him so that you were leaning against his chest. “They didn’t,” he admitted. “They’re not nearly so frequent now– maybe one every handful of months, but they’ve never gone away.”

“It’s been a while since I had one,” you told him. “I think… I think sleeping in a different place might have set me off.”

Bucky’s expression turned apologetic. “Oh, doll,” he began, “I’m so sorry– if I’d known, I never woulda insisted on you spending the night here. We coulda gone to your place–”

You shook your head, wanting to dispel him of any notion of guilt he might have. “No, no, Bucky. It’s not your fault. I wanted to spend the night here with you.” You sighed. “How… how’d you learn to deal with them, without letting them drive you crazy?”

Bucky chuckled as he ran his hand up and down your arm, and you could feel the vibrations of it through his chest and against your back. It made you feel warm and safe. “Lily was actually a big help with that,” he said. “She was staying at the Compound for a few weeks while renovations were being done on her house in town, and one night, she heard me havin’ a nightmare. She busted through the door and woke me outta it. Offered to stay with me til I fell back asleep. Some nights, I just couldn’t, so she’d stay up til dawn just talkin’ to me, gettin’ my mind off of it. I think it’s what helped us become such good friends,” he admitted. “She was there for me when everyone else thought I was crazy. Unstable. She made sure I wasn’t alone.”

You felt a twinge of… something at Bucky’s words. While you were glad he’d had someone with him, someone to help him through all of those horrible nights, you couldn’t help but feel envious of the intimacy it would have created between him and Lily, the way she had been there for him and the bond that had resulted because of it. Just acknowledging the thought made you disgusted with yourself.

“I’m thankful you had her,” you told him, choosing to focus on the positive component of his revelation instead of your negative emotions. “I imagine having someone to talk to about your nightmares helped take away some of their power.”

Bucky hummed behind you. “That’s a really good way of putting it, sugar, and I think you’re right.” He kissed your temple. “So, let me be that someone for you, yeah? Let me be the person you talk about your nightmares with, so we can take away their power over you.”

His offer made your chest ache with gratitude and affection. Here he was, offering to create that intimacy, that bond, with you. “Okay,” you whispered. “I’d like that. A lot.”

“We don’t have to start talking about them right now,” Bucky said. “Or even tonight. We’ll do it when you’re ready.”

“Thank you,” you said, turning your head so you could nuzzle your cheek against his chest. “I don’t know that I’m ready to talk about it right this minute, but knowing that you’ll be there to listen? Well, it means a lot to me, Bucky.” “You mean a lot to me, Major,” he clarified. “And I want to spend as long as you’ll let me proving that to you.”

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#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #james barnes #james bucky buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky fanfic

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yandere-wishes · 11 months

Note

Okay so not an ask more of a Headcanon based on observation and the character he is based on, but I see Honest Fellow as someone who would both idolize/emulate and resent the rich. By his design his clothes, while they pay homage to Honest John with the patchwork pantleg and the misding pinky tip on his one glove seem very well-kempt, on top of that his hat and cane are practically emaculate that cane alone couldn't have been cheap though I wouldn't put it passed the sly fox man to have either swindled someone out of it or stole it from them outright. Point is I'm getting wants to be a rich man but hates the rich people vibes.

All of that is set-up for my headcanon that if he ever had a S/O you can bet he would get them jewelry and expensive clothes. Basically just adorn them in finery he had acquired through whatever means (cough, likely stolen or purchased with dirty money, cough) and proudly have them stand by his side. The thought to use them as a pretty little lure to catch even bigger fish might cross his mind, but I doubt he'd ever use them like that. Personally, I feel like he'd be to possessive to do that even if his darling wanted to help like that, after all what if he let's them go off alone and someone tries to take advantage of his poor darling? He doesn't think they're weak or foolish per say but who could protect them better than him? I think he'd have a difficult time even leaving them alone with Gidelle (only 90 percent sure I got that right), of course he trusts Gidelle, well as much as he can truly trust anyone anyway, but he's the brains of the outfit and unless he's personally by his darlings side he won't ever be truly assured something won't go wrong.

Let's say that darling isn't quite so understanding or compliant, his possessive side would certainly get worse. He can't leave them alone for one second qhat if they try and sneak off. Perhaps to save his pride he'd be a bit delusional, they're just a sweet little naive skittish thing that doesn't know any better, possibly they've never known a love as deep and unshakable as his, it's only natural there would be a learning curve for them and who better than he to teach them? I highly doubt he'd ever use physical punishments on his darling, probably doesnt like punishing them as he thinks they are just still learning, but that doesn't mean he won't find other ways to punish them if necessary. I do think if they actively tried to run he wouldn't waste a minute getting something along the lines of a necklace with a chain, something fashionable but functional as a reminder while they're learning, if that reminder isn't enough though he might go for a bejeweled pet collar and leash. If all else fails isolation in a secure location with him as their only source of human, or well beastman, contact would certainly allow them to see how much they needed each other. Whatever he has to do to make them understand it'll all be worth it later once they're settled and he can spoil them like they deserve.

TLDR: Honest Fellow would love to lavish his S/O in (possibly ill-gotten) finery and would actively and proudly show them off on his arm. Everyone can look and admire, but only he is allowed to touch.

This has got to be the most effort anyone has ever put into something they sent in my ask box!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Okay so right off the bat let me say that YES!! This is canon I don't care what anyone says.

I can see him as "wanting what they have" but "not wanting to be them". Essentially he wants the ability to give his darling the best of everything. Yet still ultimately preserving his own "personality". Like you said Fellow hates the rich. They're insufferable, self-absorbed and loathsome, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't crave the glitz and glammer.

Now I can kinda see Fellow only really interacting with his darling at first to use her as bait. Winning her over with expensive gifts and pretty cloths (all from dirty money ofc) and sure darling does start to fall for his tricks. But here's the thing, the moment his darling begins to show the tinest interest in him Fellow FALLS HARDER!! All of a sudden he doesn't want ANYONE near his darling! Just him only him. Sooner or later his darling will start to feel suffocated, she'll be desperate to get away from him. Forsaking the pretty presents and charming "boyfriend" for just a moment of freedom. But Fellow's a sly fox, always one step ahead. He knows how to ensnare his darling before she's even run away.

Overall Fellow will lavish you, treat you like a queen, getting you anything you desire (through underhanded means) but you'll never be allowed to leave him. Forever trapped by his side on the island of pleasure…

Quick question is Fellow meant to be the same age as the third years or is he older??

#fellow honest #fellow honest twisted wonderland #fellow honest x reader #fellow honest x you #yandere fellow honest #twisted wonderland #twst #twst halloween #yandere x reader #yancore #yandere x you #yandere aesthetic #yandere twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x you #yandere twst #twst x reader #twst fellow honest

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misshoneyimhome · 7 months

Note

does Willy ever talk to the baby while ur pregnant or try to get him to kick?

Oh, bb, can't help but love these questions about 「Dad!Willy x reader」 🤰🏼🤗❤️

At first, William felt hesitant about talking to the baby, finding the idea somewhat awkward. Throughout the first and second trimesters, he didn't really feel the strong paternal kick yet. However, after discussing with his teammates, they stressed the importance of his voice in building a bond with his son, especially considering the time he would spend away during road trips.

William missed the first instance of feeling the baby's kicks, which left him feeling a bit sad, hearing about it happening while he was away at an away game made him. However, when you later informed him of another kick in the middle of the night, his excitement was overwhelming.

・✶ ｡ﾟ

Amanda was the one who first suggested the idea of talking to your son in your stomach. You had shared your hesitation with her, admitting that the concept felt strange to you. Yet, you trusted her advice and decided to give it a try.

One evening, as you sat together over a cup of tea, you brought up Amanda's suggestion. "I still feel a bit weird about it, but maybe it's worth a shot," you confessed, swirling the hot liquid in your mug.

Amanda smiled encouragingly. "You never know, it might make a difference. Plus, it's a way for you to bond with your little one even before they're born."

Taking her words to heart, you began to speak softly to your growing belly, feeling a mixture of self-consciousness and tenderness as you addressed your unborn son. At first, it felt awkward, but as time went on, it became a comforting routine, a way for you to connect with the life blossoming within you.

Then on another evening, as you and William relaxed on the couch after a long day, the topic of conversation shifted to the baby growing inside you. You mentioned how you’d started talking and even singing to the baby, feeling a sense of connection even before birth. William listened attentively, but a hint of uncertainty flickered in his eyes.

"I don't know if I should do that," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "It just feels... weird, you know?"

You nodded, understanding his hesitation. "It did feel strange at first for me too, but it's a way for the baby to recognize our voices and feel comforted by them," you explained gently.

And later that week, during a practice session, William found himself chatting with a few of his teammates in the locker room. The conversation drifted to fatherhood, and he tentatively mentioned his apprehension about talking to the baby. To his surprise, his teammates nodded knowingly, sharing their own experiences.

"It's important, man," one of them, a seasoned father, said with a smile. "Especially since we're away on the road so often, it’s good that the little one knows your voice."

William mulled over their words as he headed home that evening. Maybe there was something to it after all.

The following night, as you both settled into bed, William took a deep breath, steeling himself for what felt like a monumental step. "Hey there, little guy," he began softly, resting his hand on your belly where the baby kicked and squirmed. "It's your dad. I know I haven't said much yet, but I promise to be there for you, no matter what. You're going to be the best thing that ever happened to us."

As he spoke, a sense of warmth spread through him, and he felt a flutter of connection with the life growing inside you. From that moment on, talking to the baby became a nightly ritual for William, a way to bridge the distance between them even before they met face to face.

And of course, he also found his own unique way to communicate with the baby. Fluent in Swedish, he often spoke to your son in his native language, infusing his words with warmth and affection. It became a beautiful blend of languages filling the air around you, creating a rich tapestry of love and anticipation for the newest member of your family.

As the hockey season pressed on, William found himself grappling with the challenges of being away from home during such a crucial time in your pregnancy. He juggled the demands of his career with the longing to be present for every milestone, no matter how small.

One evening, while William was away at an away game, you felt the first flutter of your baby's kicks. Excitement surged through you as you placed your hand on your belly, marvelling at the sensation. You couldn't wait to share this moment with William, eager for him to experience it first-hand.

However, when you spoke to him over the phone later that night, his voice was tinged with regret as he confessed that he had missed the moment. Despite his best efforts to be there for you, the demands of his career had pulled him away at the most inopportune time.

Despite the disappointment, you assured him that there would be plenty more opportunities for him to feel the baby's kicks. And true to your words, a few days later, as you lay together in the quiet darkness of the night, you felt another gentle kick against your hand.

With a mixture of excitement and anticipation, you woke William, his eyes widening with wonder as you shared the news. His hands immediately found their way to your belly, fingers lightly tracing the outline of your growing bump. And when he felt the baby's kick for himself, a broad smile spread across his face, illuminating the room with joy.

Unable to contain his excitement, William reached for his phone, fingers flying across the screen as he eagerly messaged Järnkrok and Lagesson, sharing the news of this precious milestone.

#my asks #dad!willy #william nylander imagine #wn88 imagine #nhl blurb

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guardian5tiger3 · 1 year

Text

A reading about the person you're thinking of .

Groups-

1 2

3 4

5 6

Group one

This person's soul has called them to move in some sort of way in order to be able to build themselves up to be able to give to others and be ok within themselves. This is a very honest and I heard charismatic person. They were in some state of lack in some way and I feel now theyre going to come out and people will see that they're better off now, this very well could be financially.they might have many suitors. They might like to trip(on psychedelics) or have been wanting to. There's some negative and irritating energy surrounding them. 2 is significant. You might not know if you want to talk to or hear from this person , or something in yourself is confused . You guys may have stopped talking. You are more positive energetical than a lot of the people they deal with. It seems like your connection would be positive if you talked again. And any bickering would just sort of be petty and unnecessary but I don't even see that happening really. Only to work things out.

Group two

I'm seeing there's a possibility of you two seeing eachother in some type of more social setting. They might be pissed off at or hurt by you. They might not be open to you but it's like they actually really care. You guys , your best bet might be to try to show this person you care if you want a reconnection. Even then this individual is being weird. I wouldn't hope for too much regarding this person but for some of you if you see them or have the chance to talk to them and you want to try, it very well could be worth a shot. I don't think this person accepts that you care. And if you show it they doubt you.this is their own issues. If you feel that you love them, then I think they love you too. So you might have to pour your heart out. Maybe you need to do a lot to earn their trust or something. Even then this person might still choose to not entertain it. Cold. I can't see too far into the future for you or this person, though.

Group three

I'm literally envisioning something spinning or turning. It kind of feels like , dizzy. Someone might be very sick or have had a panic attack. I'm getting that this person is sweet and it seems like they can be involved with other people in a good way but they're still standing alone somehow because they seem like they don't need anybody. But right now they may be troubled and they need people to be there for them and nobody would assume that of this person because they are somewhat respected and or ignored because you wouldn't expect this from them. They almost seem like even if issues they're going through were to arise they wouldn't be so affected. I feel a lot in my heart so this person is loving they could possibly be motherly. People think they're doing good and continuously doing better and honestly they might be but something is wrong for them. This is your calling to show them support and love and offer them help. I saw a hand being offered someone else taking the offer and grabbing their hand.(softly) a sweet vision really. Whoever you came here for though needs support. For some of you this is really dire and I got a feeling in my stomach telling me what I just wrote is very true..

Group four

This person is trying to build up to something but might be having blockages. This person might have some hidden heartbreak or conflict going on but they cope well. They try to come off as super content but I feel like someone or something has been stealing this person's sunshine, or they did this to someone else . If so I don't think they knew what they were doing , but it's as if they felt the need to be weird about it so how do you not know..I'm getting something about a rabbit . This person might party. They might like to put on makeup heavy. They're coming off sort of egotistical or full of themselves. Some form of karma has been and is sneaking up on them and they've been trying to fight it off and or hide from it.

Group five

*roles could be reversed in this.

Is this a goddamn crush? Some of you this is a crush. OTHERS of you, this person keeps you up at night regardless. You guys there must be something you heard about them or even some type of rejection that took place. It could even just be something you're telling yourself in regards to this person. People the advice I'm being given to give to you all is to please make sure you're emotionally balanced. Not that you don't feel deeply. To feel deep is a super power. But make sure it's balanced. They might actually be pretty intrigued by you guys but you don't want it to be a scenario where you scare them away. With you guys your energy is deep like fucking Narnia in a person so the energy within you can be many energies , whatever youre feeling. So balance your priorities and I'm really feeling you need to metaphorically let the water settle and become still within yourself. You all are beautiful truly. It's just that this person doesn't seem to know you like that deep as you can be , and we're talking about first impressions of that level inside of you here. This person could also end up consumed by you. Holyy shit. You know if this person ends up not being able to handle you, which isn't even the case for most of you. But if it is, then there is someone out there who will love it and thrive being with you. I feel a lot of infatuation this person or someone has about you and it seems like it's just about your energy and a sense of mysteriousness. Regarding this person though, they seem like they're somewhat trying to analyze a situation most likely with you as to how and if they should approach in what way.

Guys this is not a negative message as I can relate to you guys a lot. 👍🏽Infact what you have to be that deep of a person is a gift.

Group six

You guys I got super warm immediately and had to go turn on the a/c.i think the ice cream is trying to represent the same energy. This person might have had to chill out or cool off I guess and while doing that I see they have grown to a good but certain extent and they don't seem to want to move any further. Seems like they're stuck in a comfort zone. I heard pied Piper so I had to look that one up and it says someone who offers and then doesn't go through with it basically. and yeah this person might be greedy or weird like that in some way . They could be like a scam artist type. For a lot of you this is too harsh but somebody needed to know. I wanted to say capisce so I don't know maybe they say that or something. I don't talk like that lol. Spirit just wants to let you guys know that they're stagnant I guess. Especially for someone they ripped someone innocent off . Also‼️this could be someone who did this to the person you're asking about but that's definitely not for everyone, I feel like you'll probably know. I feel like there's a lot more to this but I'm not getting anything else. Hmm.

#free tarot readings #pac reading #pick a card reading #pac #pac tarot #pick a card #pick a picture #pick a pile #tarot pac #tarot reading

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interact-proof · 1 year

Text

Info Masterpost

Hi everyone, you may know me from around the IF community, probably primarily from here, but you may also be familiar with some projects I've worked on as an editor (the two most prominent being @bodycountgame and @nyehilismwriting's Project Hadea) or other things I've done around the place. Regardless, it's my intention to set up a place here to provide proof-reading and other editing services in order to help people in the IF community who may struggle with doing it themselves for whatever reason (be that due to time, or difficulty, or anything else).

What's on Offer?

We all know that being an interactive fiction author is a HUGE undertaking - we're our own planners, publicists, programmers and also editors a large amount of the time - and sometimes it can be a lot to grapple with. I also know from personally interacting with a lot of authors that editing in particular can feel intimidating for people who don't do it often, and lots of people feel like they don't get it right or don't trust their own judgement with it. That's a normal feeling for anyone inexperienced in a certain skill to go through, but also it turns out that luckily, the internet exists!

For a fee, I can hopefully take some of the stress out of the process by doing copy, line or developmental editing for you, or a combination of the three in some way, shape or form. This doesn't give me any control over your work, obviously, and any suggestions that I make will be just that, suggestions - though like any editor worth their salt, I'll always do my best to explain what I'm suggesting and why, so that you can hopefully make an informed decision about what you want to do about it.

See below the cut for more information, along with pricing and some basic FAQs. Thanks for reading!

So, how does it work?

Well, it's pretty simple, really - you reach out and talk to me about what you want edited, I'll let you know how many (if any) jobs are in my queue currently, we'll confirm what the price will be, and then you decide if you want to go ahead with contracting my services. If we agree to work together, you'll sit back and relax after finishing the exhausting writing process, or, if you're really a glutton for punishment, start writing something new, and I'll do the editing. Then I'll return it to you, and send you an invoice. Easy!

I'm not going to hover over your shoulder demanding certain changes be made or be offended if you disagree with me - that's not a good editor's function, in my personal opinion. What you choose to do with my editing suggestions afterwards is entirely up to you!

FAQs

What's the difference between copy editing, line editing and developmental editing?

Most people editing for themselves do all three different types of these at once, but they are actually three separate skillsets. Copy editing is another term for what's sometimes called proof-reading; basically, it's checking for spelling and grammar mistakes (including homophones and so forth) but not for other purely textual elements like ineffective word usage or weak sentence structures. Anything beyond basic grammatical correctness is covered by what's called line editing, which looks at some common things people worry about like overused words, weak metaphors or other imagery, and sentences or segments of the text that can possibly be written in a way to more effectively convey the message they're trying to get across.

Developmental editing is a whole other ballgame - this is the part that most often makes authors nervous, the act of considering the text in terms of the effectiveness of each paragraph and story beat, analysing which parts of the narrative and various character arcs are working and which aren't, and so forth. This is a type of editing that is heavy on critique, and very subjective: it's akin to the kind of feedback you might get from beta readers in many senses.

You don't have to want all three types of editing in order to contract my services for, say, just one, but developmental editing on its own will be by negotiation, and likely be an hourly fee rather than a per word cost. You also can't have line editing without copy editing, as it would be impossible to make sure it's effectively-written without making sure it's correct. (You can have copy editing without line editing, however.)

Do you accept works from people whose first language is something other than English?

Yes, this is not a mitigating factor for me. I've worked on some pieces by French- and Brazilian Portuguese-speaking authors before. My editing suggestions come with explanations of why I'm making them, so it should be clear even for ESL authors what I'm suggesting and for what reason. I'm not a translator (unless you're talking about from Akkadian or Sindarin), but as long as you're capable of having a conversation in English, we should be fine.

How should I format my files for you to work on? And how will I get them to you/receive them back?

The two most preferable options are either in a Word Document, or a GoogleDoc document, as these formats both allow me to highlight parts of the work and comment on it directly so that you can see my suggestions. Any other format will make the whole process difficult for both of us as it will require cross-referencing between your work and my responses.

It doesn't have to be formatted in any fancy way, though - as long as it's in the document and readable, even just via basic copy/paste from wherever else you write, that's fine.

We can exchange the files via email or discord, whichever makes you feel more comfortable.

Do you accept jobs unrelated to interactive fiction?

Yes! I've edited novels and short stories before as well, and done work specifically providing developmental editing on outlines so that authors can feel they have a well fleshed-out plan before they begin writing. It's just that there's not many editors out there who are familiar with the IF scene, so that's my marketing focus, so to speak.

You write using British spellings... do you know how to edit for American spellings, too?

Yes, I know how to edit for AusE and AmE as well as BrE. Many authors also use a combination of multiple spelling systems, which I can work with as long as you let me know your style and parameters.

My game is written in the style of Shakespeare... can you handle that?

Individual style, both affected and inherent, is not really a roadblock for most editors. The job of a good editor is to consider each author's personal style and make sure to respect it, rather than try to overwrite it with their own voice, so if you're writing a Tolkienian or Arthurian or epic poetry piece, I'm capable of working with that as long as you let me know what you're aiming for beforehand.

If you have a style guide with particular specifications, feel free to submit it along with your documents, and I'll abide by its specifications. I've worked on projects ranging from high fantasy to scifi to modern fiction in the past.

Can I break my writing up into multiple parts to give to you over time?

Sure! All of the interactive fiction work I've done thus far has been chapter-by-chapter, and you can break it down smaller if you like. However, I can't necessarily bring forward developmental editing concerns from one job into another at peak reliability, particularly if a long period of time has passed between the different jobs.

That's probably all for the FAQs for now - if you have any other questions, please feel free to reach out and ask!

Pricing

How much the editing will cost is based on the length of what you would like me to edit, split up into three length categories: under 10k words, 10k-100k words, and over 100k words. Prices are in AUD, Australian dollars. Per-word rates round up (ie., at a rate of 1c per 5 words, 6 words would incur the cost for 10 words).

Under 10,000 words

Copy editing: 1c per word.

Line editing: a flat $15 fee on top of the price of copy editing.

Developmental editing: a flat $20 fee on top of any other costs, or an hourly fee by negotiation if without the other two services.

10,000 to 100,000 words

Copy editing: 1c per word for the first 10,000 words, followed by 1c per each 3 words for the remainder.

Line editing: a flat $30 fee on top of the price of copy editing.

Developmental editing: a flat $80 fee on top of any other costs, or an hourly fee by negotiation if without the other two services.

Over 100,000 words

Copy editing: 1c per word for the first 10,000 words, followed by 1c per each 3 words for the remainder, plus a flat $20 fee for each 100k words after the first (ie., 150,000 words will incur a $20 fee on top of the per-word price, while 250,000 words will incur $40).

Line editing: a flat $40 fee on top of the price of copy editing, rising incrementally per 100k words after the first (ie., 150,000 words will incur a $40 fee, while 250,000 words will incur $80).

Developmental editing: a flat $80 fee on top of any other costs, rising incrementally per 100k words after the first (ie., 150,000 words will incur an $80 fee, while 250,000 words will incur $160), or an hourly fee by negotiation if without the other two services.

Code-checking

If you're able to include your code with your writing (such as by viewing a proofing copy of a game via twine), and provide me with an outline of your variables and what you're using them for, I can by request check for possible errors (such as adding to a stat when it seems like it should be subtracting instead, or using a wrong or misspelled variable) for a flat fee of $80 per 100,000 words (in this case, the code is included in the wordcount, since I'll be checking it).

Outline Help

If you want me to look over an outline or plan and provide developmental feedback before you begin writing, this can be done for an hourly fee by negotiation.

Thank you again for reading! Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions.

#infopost #pinned post

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etherealhannie · 4 months

Text

𐙚˙✧˖°🌑 ༘ ⋆｡ ˚ ,, try again

pairing ,, bsf!joshua × bsf!fem!reader

genre ,, sad, best friends to lovers

word count ,, 1.9k

song rec. ,, hug me - v, j-hope (cover)

two best friends of different gender were heartbrokenly in toxic relationships. deeply in love with their partners, which almost cost them dignity. hurtful words, rejection, public shaming, humiliation, false hope and cheated ; things they dream in relationships, the happy ending they wish has gone into ashes after a good amount of loving. being a person who's passionate in romance, obviously self-blame is the only decision taken. questioning where's the wrong and mistake made by the self. unable to gather the answers needed, everything turns into a nightmare and hunts the one in pain.

the wound bleeds even though it left a scar for so long. how can he/she be so cruel in hurting people who are willing to love them wholly. could it be my fault for not fighting and doing the best in trying? even if i do, would it be worth the wait and patience? ; the only available questions left behind. who could answer such things without an actual effort? afterall, action speaks louder than words. in the situation, tears, cries, regret and trust means nothing, as if life has no price. longing for love is alive, not with the same person. they're the wrong person at the wrong time. self-centered, arrogant, hypocrite, controlling, abusive and dishonest ; the characteristics just identify such a person, and that's them.

𐙚˙✧˖°🌑༘ ⋆｡ ˚

blankly stares at the pure white wall, blinking for a few times, as if there's something interesting on it. sitting up straight without any muscle movement in deep silence, to the point where heartbeats sound louder than anything existed. bloodshot eyes, red nose and swollen lips, all because of crying the whole week without any break. the inner pain screams and raging, tearing off the happiness and euphoria.

sudden memories from the scars flashed, causing the one to build up the tears, curling into a ball and sobbing intensively. was i even worth it? am i the one to blame? what's my weakness until he has to hurt me? what's the things that are lacking in our relationship? continuously hurting slowly from the inside, affecting physical health.

a knock on the door could be heard, still in the same position, ignoring the person outside. "darling, please open the door. you haven't eaten for almost a week." the concerned voice of the mother lingers in the echoes. seeing her one and only child ruined and crushes into pieces for falling into the wrong hands, obviously hurt her. afterall, she's the beloved child of hers. if and only she's a kind of revengeful person, the guy might have lost himself in her palm, but it's way better to focus on her child than wasting time on useless stuff that won't bring any benefits. the young lady is her first priority, way more important than anything else, because she's the only reason she keeps going in life after the husband's death due to the heart attack. her daughter is the closest person with the husband, and she already broke into half after the news. yet now, the other person she holds on broke her to the pit.

the sobs and cries turn loud. the mother couldn't do anything except give her child a space, as she had tried before to persuade her but got pushed away. she doesn't feel mad or any of those, but concerned and worried. the mother moved away from the door with a tray of food, to be exact her daughter's favorite food. one thing popped up in her mind and there's only one person who can ease her daughter little by little, her best friend. "y/n dear, come and find me if you need anything hurm." silent, the only answer she received before walking down to the kitchen.

𐙚˙✧˖°🌑 ༘ ⋆｡ ˚

"y/n, open the door please. it's me, joshua." the guy sounded, as he gave a gentle knock on the door. after not receiving any replies, he decided to use the spare key provided by mrs. hwang to y/n's door. the blind dark from the inside flashes into the sight. even though it is evening at the moment, the opaque curtain prevents the light from peeking through. his eyes traveled, trying to find the actual figure he's here for. "y/n~" the guy entered as he closed the door behind, until a soft sob caught his attention and the shaky figure under the blanket actually had his senses. knows who is behind the sheet, his eyes soften and take careful steps towards the body.

"y/n~" slowly the sheet above the head being pulled and a small peek from the figure were caught. a gentle smile pasted on the guy's face and went to turn the table light on, to see the weak figure who's laying there still. "j-joshua…" a small shaky voice heard the name. "yes, darling…" joshua slowly makes a little move closer to the lady before actually capturing her in his warmth, knowing how much she needs it. the lady tightens the embrace, craves for the care and love she misses for a while. "let yourself feel everything you need to feel." caress the hair of the lady, soothing the loved one.

𐙚˙✧˖°🌑༘ ⋆｡ ˚

"open your lil pouty lips, y/n~" moves the spoon closer to the sad figure, who's still in a blanket, sitting straight while zoning out of the world. notice how quiet the environment is, joshua moves closer to the small figure after placing the bowl of rice cake soup on the mini table. turning the frozen lady to face him and caress her cheeks in his warm palms, tears ticking down the dark sparkling orbs. wiping off the tears as he kisses her forehead, letting her know that he's here and always there for her. being a best friend, it hurts him as much as it hurts her. he trusted the man way less than his bestie does, probably it's the bad signal of the jerk's actual intention.

his best friend is one of his priorities, most of all they're common in every single corner. in loving, caring, understanding and supporting, they have each other's back. having almost the same behavior makes them one, creating a strong bond. little fights and misunderstanding in something might bring them to brim but the love brings them together once again. how can he not love this fragile human?

however, he actually heartbroken from his previous relationship, which supposedly happened the same day as his best friend's toxic relationship gone broken. he wants to cry his heart out due to how foolish he is for staying in such relationship, but after seeing his love one here breaking down, he chose to stay strong for her. he's not that tough, but he's trying his best because of her. he rather lost his toxic relationship than tied off the happiness he have with his best friend.

eventually, his obsessive ex abused him mentally, poisoning his mindset from seeing anyone, even his parents. the thought in her crazy mind of him might be cheating with other women while lying about seeing his parents. most of all, she abandoned him from seeing y/n because of her jealousy self. she even once hurt the innocent lady by a tight slap and threatened her if she ever stayed close to joshua. luckily, the guy isn't that easy to believe since he knew his best friend way better than an outsider does. after the day, she started to act psycho with everything. humiliation and shaming she spat on him during hanging out with friends were something she normalized. the friends weren't on her side by her stupid mouth which eat shits. if disgusting was an actual person, it would be her, and y/n's ex.

── two years later

a few times have been wasted, the update and upgrade of the two best friends were actually gaining great. joshua kept his promise about staying with his bestie always, and y/n actually living her actual life. joshua and her mother gave their all to recover the lady from a toxic cage. seeing a fresh woman in her, y/n lives a free life without feeling guilty from all of those false information about herself. it's joshua who reminds her almost every second. remembered how comforting words were arranged by him on that one rainy night which immediately woke her up from the dark hole.

"there is no shame in admitting that you feel all new levels of sadness and loneliness. everything they’re feeling right now is valid and real and important. you should acknowledge it all, rather than pretend it isn’t happening. everything from denial to anger to slightly crazy temporary obsession are all natural, normal reactions to losing someone that you cared about. i am sure if you allow yourself to feel all of those, you'll grow from it."

"the fact of the matter is that a lot of the time, if someone wants to dump you, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. It's their decision. especially if there’s gross cheating involved, it says a lot more about them and their own frame of mind than it does about you. this is not because you're lacking or falling short of being a total babe in any way─ personality, beauty, body shape or anything else. you don’t need to change a single thing for anybody, ever."

𐙚˙✧˖°🌑 ༘ ⋆｡ ˚

"why did you want to meet me at this hour, shua? tomorrow, we can have a lot of time together." standing at the quiet beach, in the coldness of wind and chilly weather. a sudden call from her best friend kinda surprised her since joshua wouldn't be bothering her at this hour due to nap time. she also noticed how joshua started to keep gaps between them for the last six months, might as well give joshua spaces as she gets to know about joshua's broken relationship.

"shua?" look at her best friend in concern, since he has been staring at her in deep look, standing still without any words coming out. the redness on his nose is visible as he doesn't bear cold and easily traps coldness. "hey~" she placed her both palms on his freezing cheeks, aware how he would react to her warmth. slowly his cold hands hold on the lady's, which is still on his chubs.

"y/n, i don't know how to say this, and i am truly scared that something bad might come between us after this." joshua sighs, which concerns the lady more. she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "shua, you know you can tell me anything." he looked into her eyes once again before proceeding.

"it has been a long time since i keep this from you. i don't realize how much it consumed me until I stayed with you all this time. i have feelings for you, hwang y/n. i don't want anything to happen with our friendship if i ever confess to you. i don't want you to feel doubtful about loving someone again after what happened two years ago, so i wait until tonight i have the urge to tell you. i hope your pain fully recovers and i am on the right track to confess. i-" his confession was cutted off by a light response.

"i've seen that we have a lot in common about things. so, why don't we give us a try?"

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen #seventeen joshua #joshua #hong joshua #hong jisoo #fanfic

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hyenahunt · 6 months

Text

Obbligato: The Punishment of Kaname Tojo - 5

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring

Characters: Kaname

Proofreading: Remi (JP) & honeyspades (ENG)

Translation: Peace

Kaname: They'll have to pry this position out of my cold, dead hands.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Time: An hour later

Location: Outside Reimei Academy

Kaname: ... Hello, big brother?

Uh huh. So you saw my latest show? Thanks for watching.

Heehee. Yes, it's all thanks to you.

By following your instructions to the word, doing all that you've said to do during my performances, my work has been flawless.

I'm not lacking whatsoever as Reimei Academy's Top Idol.

And thanks to my good reputation, I've been offered job after job!

Kaname: Ah, yes... I've been doing as you instructed, of course. I’ve passed off work I can’t get to towards the other Special Students.

They're ever so grateful to me for it. I'm praised, flattered, and adored by them now...

... Even though beforehand, after I'd fallen from their ranks due to that taboo mistake I'd made, they'd done nothing but ridicule me.

They treated me as if I wasn't a human anymore, either ignoring my existence or only acknowledging me to insult me.

Kaname: And now they've flipped back the other way, like it all never happened — but they're too late. I won't ever, ever forget the humiliation I faced at their hands.

Honestly, I don't even want to get into their good graces by giving them the jobs I can't fulfill— it feels like I'm trying to butter them up.

They should all burn in Hell.

They should feel the same pain as their victims did, and then die.

Kaname: ... Oh, yes, I'm fine. I'm perfect, after all. I don't show any sign of those sentiments to them, of course. I simply do exactly as you tell me to.

Honestly, I do! Don't you trust me, brother?

Heehee. We didn't know of one another for the longest time, so we haven't been able to bond the way other brothers normally do...

In fact... we might not ever be able to bond, rely on, or even love one another the way a true family should.

But you know, I do want to love you. As your younger brother, I want to love you as my older brother.

Kaname: For as long as I can remember, I've always lived on my own.

When I was young, my mother passed away…

Then I tried to survive within a facility with a miserable environment — with only the dreams my mother entrusted to me, and the lessons she taught me held close to my heart.

In that disgusting facility, I and the other children were exploited for all we were worth —

I worked half to death trying to save up money from jobs I picked up, just so I could run away from that prison.

I wasn't even given a proper education there. No, it wasn't a place someone could grow up well and learn what they needed to know.

It was Hell, where we did all that we could just to survive.

So I studied. I studied, I worked hard, I did everything I could—

And in the end, all my efforts were rewarded: I became an idol, just as I'd always dreamed!

Kaname: As a Special Student of Reimei Academy, I was finally able to walk such a glorious path.

I really was happy. Truly overjoyed. My life couldn't have gotten better.

And then... because of a stupid slip of the tongue, I fell from the summit into the ranks of the Non-Special Students — I couldn't stand it.

Kaname: My blood, sweat, and tears went into climbing out of Hell, only to fall right back to the bottom of it—

But thanks to you, I was able to escape once again.

That's why I don't wanna make the same mistake I did before and fall back in.

This time, I'll do everything perfectly. I won't make a single mistake.

Kaname: They'll have to pry this position out of my cold, dead hands.

I'll fulfill the dreams of my poor mother, who died far too young, and... that'll be how I repay her for giving birth to me, for raising me until she couldn't anymore.

My mother is dead. There's no Heaven or Hell — or any kind of afterlife at all, is there? No matter what happens to me, she won't be able to feel a single thing.

But... It was my love for her that kept me going through those hellish times.

Kaname: Uh huh! My mother is a God to me. I can't switch my doctrine from her words, and I can't abandon my faith now.

It's what I've built my life on. The very backbone of my existence — they're everything to me.

You think it's ridiculous, don't you, brother?

You're strong, and it seems as if you're fine living on your own. You gave up what I desperately wanted for so long, so easily—

And nevertheless you live on, put together as can be.

Ah, I don't resent you or anything, though. I really am impressed.

I could never do what you did, or live how you do.

I'd collapse far too easily without emotional support. I know that, because I've lived in such cruel circumstances.

I absolutely had to have something I could hold on to, or else I couldn’t have kept on living.

Maybe it was because I was selfish, or inconsiderate— something like that, but everyone around me gave me the cold shoulder.

The only person who I'd ever felt love from was my mother. That's why I've placed my faith in her, why I've clung so tightly to her.

She had always been my support. But now, I have you too — someone else I can call family, so I feel a little more stable.

Kaname: Heehee... I really am thankful I met you, brother.

This must be a reward for all my hard work. No, it's certainly because God realized he'd trampled on me far too much and decided to apologize in this way.

God doesn't exist? You would think so, wouldn't you?

You might understand once you've found yourself at rock bottom.

The panic to cling on to something warm, as if you’d freeze to death.

Right. Okay. Instead of chattering endlessly, I should do what I'm supposed to. I'll do as you ask.

Hey, so... Will I really find happiness if I do that?

Kaname: (... Ahaha, he hung up. I wonder if my clinginess disgusted him.)

(He really does seem to hate idleness and inefficiency. Maybe he's annoyed by my affection and dependence on him...)

Kaname: (But... I really do need something to cling to just to survive.)

(I'm sorry, brother.)

[ ☆ ]

✦✦✦✦✦

← prev ✦ all ✦ next →

#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translation #hyenahunttl #kaname tojo #s: obbligato

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ice-sculptures · 1 year

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Okay well I’ve already forced u to look at most of my pets so I’m kinda just gonna copy u…what r ur favorite buck and/or eddie quotes?? I can NEVER think of any when I’m making graphics and u remember the show so much better than I do LOLL

OHHHHH MY GOD THERE'S SO MANY

some off the top of my head:

"two cut lines" - like. okay. i still maintain that the rest of the firefam doesn't actually know how close buck & eddie are and definitely do not fully realize the extent of buck's role in the diazes' life, but one thing that the rest of them Do know is that buck would rather die than leave eddie behind and i love tht these three simple words encapsulate the strength of that undying devotion

"and that started with you. whatever happens to him next, you gave him that second chance. maybe that's the point." i will never ever ever ever ever ever be over this scene and how buck found the exact words to bring eddie back from the brink and show him that what he does matters, that there's still hope, that there are things worth living for and that he made a difference in someone's life. and i think that this right here is more than romance more than love this is just. soulmatism right here. i mean....to be seen to be found isn't that what we're all searching for?

AND ON THAT NOTE. BUCK. THERE'S NOBODY IN THIS WORLD THAT I TRUST WITH MY SON MORE THAN YOU. makes me fucking INSANE because what do you mean eddie forgave him instantly?? in any other show with any other pairing this would be a season long arc with the two of them tentatively reconciling at the very end of it all. anybody else would be (understandably, i might add) nervous to leave christopher with buck after what happened, but eddie forgave buck immediately. eddie, who adores chris with all of his heart and soul, who loves that boy more than anything else in this world, saw not that buck wasn't able to hold onto chris, but that he loved him enough to try. he didn't hold it against him for chris getting swept away, he only focused on the buck that spent all day bloody and bruised, searching for his heart. but more than anything, i think he saw all of that love and heartbreak and guilt and the self doubt that matches his own reflected in buck and decided to give his best, truest friend the chance that was never given to him 🥺😭

"comes in handy when you have a bunch of holes in the wall" i can't explain why i love this bit of casual reassurance so much but i just. i think it's so simple and so sweet and a testament to how they make each other feel so loved so easily :(

i don't remember the exact quote right now but do you remember that scene where eddie and hen are gossiping about hen's mom and eddie says that his abuela would love the tea bc she loves telenovelas and buck beams at him w the fondest grin ever and teases eddie about loving telenovelas too? i know they're soulmates and in love and all of that shit but they're also Best Friends and i love all these little reminders of how well they know each other and how much they genuinely like each other. also this being in the same episode as buck's look of complete confusion when his long term gf tells him she loves him was a Choice™️

"just gonna be you and me" from the LS crossover episode for no reason other than it was cute & i love buck's subsequent jealousy

"guess all that company must've wore you out" bc of the obvious Implications that maddie tried to rope eddie into her plan of sending buck visitors to cheer him up and eddie straight up said no because he knew that wasn't going to help. yet another one of the million examples of these two knowing exactly what the other person needs & also Being exactly what the other person needs

"three minutes and seventeen seconds" because what do you MEAN he knows the exact amount of time buck was dead for. what do you mean he counted the seconds that he lived in this world without his best friend, praying and begging that he could outrun the clock and he wouldn't reach the time that would make it permanent. what do you mean he memorized the amount of time and then he threw out that line so casually because he couldn't stand the way they were talking about buck's death as something fascinating instead of as the worst three minutes and seventeen seconds of eddie's life...

the one-two punch that is "you don't need to pretend with me" and "you don't have to be anything for anybody" because both of them have spent so much of their lives not feeling good enough and not truly living for themselves...and yet around each other they've never had to do that and are free to be nothing but themselves and still be loved not despite it, but for it.

and finally last but not least....the very thesis of their relationship: "you can have my back any day" / "yeah. or, you know, you could… you could have mine" because it's stayed true ever since the first day they met and will remain true for the rest of their lives. also i'll never stop thinking about how 911 straight up said "isn't that what we all want in a partner? knowing that they have your back?" in the season five finale and have shown time and again that buck and eddie have tried to accomplish this in their previous relationships but have only ever been able to have a full and true partnership with each other...yeah that shit will Haunt me forever

this is probably incomprehensible but my mind is running at a million miles an hour right now so i am not going to go back and edit it

#thank u sosososo much for this ask but also. i love seeing pics of your cats please feel free to send 10000000000 more of them #buddie #answered #cam tag

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i-write-sin-not-tragedy · 6 months

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Question, from beat to worst, who in the Hazbincule gives the best hugs? And if it’s not too much trouble, how do each of the hugs feel like?

CRACKS KNUCKLES

I originally was gonna do a chart but no no this deserves more.

I also wouldn't call it "worst" as much as some people are less inclined to physical contact, so less likely to want to give or receive hugs.

HAZBINCULE: HUG RATINGS

1. Husk!

Yes a shocking person to put in first place, but trust me. He gives classic dad/grandpa hugs. Strong and warm and he makes that specific noise. They're never too long, but always give that sorta cozy bear hug feeling. You have to pass a certain level of friendship with him to receive them, but they're the absolute best once you do.

2. Lucifer

Again. Dad hugs!! Only Lucifer is a liiiiiittle more awkward. They might go on a little too long, hes not great at trying how long is too long. He definitely does the back pats. But still they're very comfy and shockingly warm! And you're left feeling like someone is very proud of you afterwards. Also i think he'd be willing to hug anyone who genuinely asked him for one.

3. Angel Dust

BIAS ALERT Listen i just think the extra arms give him an advantage. Hes also so fluffy. Its not the same texture as Husk, who has classic fur, but more downy. Like baby chick fluff. Hes soooo soft and cozy and all the extra arms means he can hug you and play with your hair and anything else you're into

I also think hes just a touchy person so he'd be happy to provide hugs to people hes close to. His criteria for "close enough for hugs" isn't as strict as Husks, but he still has one.

4. Charlie

My girl LOVES GIVING HUGS!!! Like her dad, she is HAPPY to hug anyone who askes (within reason. She has some nos but dw those are rare)

Her hugs are TIGHT like you slightly fear your back breaking when she does it, but they're full of SO much love and joy you can't be mad. You might end up limping a little after bc of the back pain but its worth it. She can also lift and spin ANYONE she wants to and isn't afraid to do it. Tackle hugs are a possibility. Once you've opened the flood gates for her hugs there is no going back, good luck♡

5. Sir Pentious

Awkward sweet boy. Hes very very shy about touching and hugging. He probably doesn't wanna risk making people uncomfortable, but he is DEFINITELY a hugger once you've assured him you're totally cool with it.

The snake thing makes for some nice tight hugs (maybe sometimes a little too tight but hes working on that)

6. Vaggie

My sweet girl she is. A little awkward for the most part. Shes not as openly affectionate as Charlie is, but shes also am army girl and i can absolutely see her doing those tight "army bro" hugs when she really likes someone. She has separate "family" and "friend" hugs and you can tell how she feels about someone based on how shes willing to physically touch. Her family hugs are very soft, loose, not too rough. Her friend hugs are more the "army bro" style and usually very quick.

7. Cherri Bomb

Girls a casual hugger. Shes not touchin anyone she doesn't deem a close friend tho. Angel gets hugs. Vaggie gets hugs. She will give Charlie them but be awkward about it lol

You'd have to hit a pretty high level of friendship with her to get one, and they're still pretty casual. She strikes me as a "one arm hugger" most of the time. Unless you're Sir Pentious but shhhh.

8. Niffty

It's not that she doesn't like them or anything just. Girl has absolutely NO idea what personal space is and due to tiny bug nature her hugs are more like having a small feral squirrel latch onto you for a minute before she skitters off.

Shes trying her best. They're very sweet even if they leave anyone receiving them vaugely confused.

9. Alastor.

Two words for you;

Touch. Averse.

Now, we've seen him with Mimzy! He is not against hugging! But it has to PURELY be on his time. He will only do it when HE wants to, end of story. He also much prefers if you do not hug back. Him showing any physical affection is rare, and his preference is to stay in control of it.

What do they feel like? Hm. Actually probably pretty nice. Oddly gentle, considering who we're talking about. I think whoever got one would be more in shock than anything else lol

#hazbin hotel #angel dust hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #niffty hazbin hotel #cherri bomb hazbin hotel #sir pentious hazbin hotel #hazbincule #hugs #hi anon i hope this was what you wanted i had so much fun kekfkekfkd

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msmargaretmurry · 6 months

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any advice on how to not get overwhelmed at the prospect of writing a longer fic? 😭😭 i freak myself out with “ohhh what if i get too far in and then it turns out it sucks” and “i’ll have to do so much research for certain canon compliant things” etc etc

hi anon! i would be happy to share some of the things that work for me! we all know i love to talk incessantly about writing. thank you for giving me an excuse to. ❤

standard writing advice disclaimer that this is indeed all just stuff that works for me personally. it might not work for you, or you might have to tweak it to work for you, because different things work for different people! like all writing advice, it is best approached as suggestions and not as rules, so while i think this is all stuff worth trying, i also think that if you find it doesn't work with how your writing brain works, you should absolutely chuck it out the window.

firstly: get comfortable with the idea that the story is going to evolve as you write it. when you're writing something long, you ARE going to get far into it and realize you fucked something up at the begininning, or realize you left something out, or realize you need to change or cut something from earlier for the story to work. this does NOT mean that you're writing badly! recognizing those things is actually super smart of you! you are not beholden to what you wrote a week ago or a month ago or six months ago in your WIP. you can simply change it to better suit this story that you now know more about. no one will even know that you originally wrote it differently except maybe your alpha reader or pal you've been bouncing ideas off of, and they're legally required* to take that information to their grave. i will touch a little more on editing long fic in a minute, but i really do think this is maybe the most important piece of advice: accept that your story will change as you write, and think of it as a good thing.

(*i am not a lawyer)

writing your long fic is going to take a long time. that's a huge part of what makes it such a nerve-wracking undertaking! writing long fic is dedicating a huge amount of time and energy to a creative project that you have a lot of feelings about, and it can be really hard! but it can also be so rewarding and so worth it to see all that work turn into the story that you really wanted to tell. just the sense of accomplishment of FINISHING a long-term project like that is really cool and gratifying. it's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking "what if i put in all this work and then it sucks" but i think it's helpful to try to reframe that thought as something like "i'm going to put all this work in and learn so much about this story, and figure out how to make it the best that i can make it at this stage in my writing journey."

also, again: your first draft is not going to be perfect. it might be deeply, deeply flawed. you ARE going to have to edit. that doesn't mean you were writing badly. that is a normal and even essential part of writing. your story doesn't suck if the first draft is kinda fucked up. your story is NORMAL if the first draft is kinda fucked up. especially with long fic, getting the story out and then editing holistically to make it all work is really where the magic happens.

(i know there are people who post chapter by chapter while they write instead of writing the whole thing and editing it altogether; i cannot speak to their processes because i cannot write like that 😂)

if you are lucky enough to have a trusted friend or two willing to read as you write, cheerlead, and help you pick through tough spots in the story, i do recommend you take them up on it! because it can take so long to write a long fic, having people who are excited about your story and to provide that gratification can be really helpful. two things to keep in mind here are to make sure your alpha-readers are people you can trust not to flake on you and who will be reliably able to give pretty quick feedback, and to try to resist the urge to call on them to read every single time you write more. i usually go to mine in 5–10k chunks of long fic draft. obviously this isn't a hard and fast rule at all, but i think it a) gives them meatier chunks of story to give me feedback on and b) helps me get and stay comfortable with writing for longer periods without feedback, so i can concentrate more on the story and be less distracted thinking about how other people will react to it.

on the research front: research can be really daunting!! unfortunately i am a nerd who loves research so i usually see it as a fun challenge. but i think there are a couple of things that might help. when you're getting ready to dive into your long fic, make a list of things you're going to need to research, then divide them into things that you NEED to know to write the story (e.g. dates of important games, for pacing reasons) and things that can wait until after you get the first draft down and are editing. like, if you're writing something set in a city you're not familiar with and want to include local details, you don't need to do that research up front. use placeholder tags to fill in during editing — [RESTAURANT] or [STREET NAME] or [DESCRIPTION TO COME AFTER I LOOK AT GOOGLE STREET VIEW] — or just leave yourself a note to come back and add descriptive details later.

also, remember that fic readers are often super willing to let some inaccuracies slide for the sake of a good story, so it's okay if not everything is perfect! you are also allowed to elect to ignore canon when it does not serve you. like, in HAW, i simply said hello we are pretending that matthew re-signed in calgary, that there were no notable roster changes from the previous season, and, on a smaller potatoes level, that brady is still living with timmy and josh. because that's what i wanted for my story (and also because the matthew trade to florida happened when i was already about 70k into the draft and i was like, fuck it, we're doing it anyway 😂). which is all to say that it's okay and even good to find a balance between doing research/committing to accuracy and saying fuck it for the sake of your story.

on the editing front: try to limit the amount of editing you do while you're writing. you can get so caught up in forever tweaking what you've already written that your forward progress completely stagnates. leave most of your line-editing for after you have a draft. if you notice something that you want to change, leave yourself a note and do the actual changing after you have a draft. if you notice thousands of words in that you totally forgot that one character has a dog, leave yourself a note to go add the dog in later, and continue writing as if the dog has been there the whole time. no one will know that the dog in the first half was added in later.

the amount of STUFF that goes into a long fic can feel pretty overwhelming, so i am big on leaving myself notes and making lists when writing long fic. i know i am not going to remember every thought i have, but i know i will TRY TO remember them and will get totally bogged down. leaving a note or making a list de-bogs me so i can come back to that detail when it's time to deal with it. two essenital lists that i keep in my notes app while i'm working on a writing project are:

a list of ongoing subplots, themes, motifs, and/or mini-arcs that i want to make sure i thread evenly throughout the fic. i do not trust myself to remember these without writing them down. this is super helpful especially if i get stuck, because i can go to the list and ask, okay, what is one of these that i haven't revisited in a while, because that should probably happen next. a HAW example of this is quinn as a side character — at least once i looked at my list and was like, oh, quinn hasn't shown up in a while! i should figure out how to do a scene with him next!

a list of things i will want to review and edit for after i finish the draft. if i stop and edit in the moment i lose momentum; if i don't write the thing down, i might forget about it. so i'll just quickly add it to the list and be able to go back to it when it's editing time! a HAW example of this is me writing on this list "make it more clear that matthew is kind of a mama's boy" and eons later paying close attention to that thread in editing and adding a little more of their relationship to the story.

again this is not a hard and fast rule! sometimes i'll run into an issue with my fic and be like, oh no if i don't go back and fix this then i won't be able to figure out how the story needs to go from here. so obviously in those instances i immediately go and edit that thing! i think it takes practice to be able to tell the difference between "edit now" issues and "edit later" issues but i also think that like 90% of the time it's an edit later issue.

also, always keep a dump doc. (instead of deleting stuff from your draft, cut and paste it into a separate document for safekeeping. this makes it easier to kill your darlings since you are not actually killing them but re-homing them, and can come in handy later.)

one last thing i want to touch on is writer's block or getting stuck in the middle of a draft. with shorter stories, you can sometimes get them out in one or two creative bursts and this can be less of an issue (although obviously not NOT an issue. i am not trying to suggest that people writing shorter fic don't deal with this, lmao. the scale is just different.) writing something long is more about sustained creativity over a long stretch of time, and you are going to have highly productive periods and less productive periods because you're a human being who needs to refill their creative well sometimes. when this happens, try not to panic or despair. sometimes you run into a snarl in your story and you really just need to take a few days to ponder and let the solution come to you. however, if you get stuck and you are getting frustrated trying to figure out what comes next, here are a few things that i find helpful:

get outside and go for a walk or a run. listen to music or a podcast or audiobook. let your brain relax.

talk to a (fannish) friend over the phone/videochat or in person about it, over coffee or dinner or something. sometimes talking about it out loud helps process things in a different way than typing.

figure out what the next big plot point you want to get to is, and then look at where your story is now, and think about what needs to happen to get them to that point. does character A need to trust character B more? devise a trust-building scene. does character A need more self-confidence? think about what kind of scene would help them build confidence.

(this might also involve looking at what you've written already and going, oh, i could build that character beat into that scene from last week! and suddenly everything works better.)

go to your dump doc — is there an abandoned snippet or idea in there that's of more use to you now?

look at your list of ongoing themes and subplots! if there's one you haven't touched in the draft for a while, figure out what's going on there!

you might not get it right on the first try and that's fine. there are scenes that i've completely re-written 4–5 times before they felt right enough for me to move forward. that can be frustrating, obviously, but it doesn't mean you're a bad writer! it takes skill to recognize when a scene isn't working!

okay, i think that's all i've got for now. i really do think that the most important thing with writing long fic is to embrace that it's going to be a long-term project, with ups and downs, productive periods and recharging periods. let the story grow and evolve as you write it. you're not going to get everything right on the first try and that's normal. it is actually so fun to be writing a scene in the back half of your story and suddenly realize you can pull the whole plot together way better by adding two sentences into a scene you wrote three months ago. writing a long fic is not like digging a tunnel, all forward progress to get to the light. it's like building a house and then rearranging the furniture and decor inside until it looks and feels the way you want it to.

i hope that some of this was helpful! good luck with your writing!! 💕

#ask #writing

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