#might make a post about this when I’m more certain but those are my current thoughts

[ladybyakuya]

| HIGH IN LOW PLACES + natsuki seba & yoichi nagumo.

+cw. — fem!reader, headcanon + scenarios format, canon typical themes and elements, mention of alcohol and drinking,ex.plicit smut{ mention ofunprotected, oral acts }, slight angst and fluff.

+wc. — 2k.

+syn.— how do they generally spend their off day ? Is it any different when you're with them?

+notes. — my sk days debut post. yay! yay! i just caught up with it and im still making memes in my head ( yeah, its that bad </3)tap the banner for better quality </3 cuz tumblr made it so whack after upload. the title is from a song by beach weather ( one of my recent favs ). i have some more wips on sk days but lets see if the starts align or they go against me. wanted add two more characters but i got carried away while writing. so next two for next weekend ig. if you catch my favoritism, then good. go ahead & exploit it ;) | redirect to blog navigation.

✦ natsuki seba : 

The sun has not even kissed the horizon yet. It is still afternoon. Natsuki was busy building one of his work-in-progress weapons as usual even though it was an off day. The JCC is not exactly asleep but is surely a little doused today. JCC never sleeps. You are in his dorm room, waiting for him to finish his work at least to a certain stage and then have lunch with you but you doubt he is barely aware of what time it is. You are not exactly hungry, at least not for those wet soggy noodles but you do miss him even though he is right in front of you. There are times when you have to feed him lunch so that he can keep working. The dorm room is small for two but given the habits of you two, it always works out, somehow. You sleep when he is working while he sleeps when you are busy or out to get something. But currently, sleep is nowhere to be found at the banks of your eyes.

“Natsu, come eat with me,”

Seba turns his head at first and gives you a look; a look that clearly states: “Are you mad?” Do you know how ridiculous you sound? His eyebrows grow closer while his lips pucker forming a pout and then he goes back to working again. He is mocking you. He is working while you sit idle and flip through a porn magazine from his collection. It’s funny because the porn magazine is not his. It is from Shin. He was just looking out for him. Shin thought it was highly uncanny how a guy could make weapons all day and night, and be obsessed with something so odd that one forgets to masturbate. Doesn’t even have the urge? Or better does his curious side not think about such self-pleasurable prospects? Well, what would Shin know?

“Natsu, come eat me out,” 

At first, he looks up from the device he was working on and then spares a glance at you.

You make yourself busy flipping through the pages of that lewd magazine. He is staring. You can feel it.

He goes back to work again but a second later he puts the miniature parts from his hand beside the device and turns his chair towards you rubbing his chin as his elbow stands on the hand-rest of the chair. He is considering it. Holy Shit. You did not mean that.

“Really? Can I?” There is a thin layer of sneer laced underneath his voice.

You closed the magazine and stood up, keeping it on his table. He looks at the cover and a chuckle escapes from his chest probably remembering how he got it or why you ordered him to eat you out; not that he would mind . . . his eyes are back on you again. “Now that I’ve your attention. Finish your lunch and then work on your project.”

“I’m going out to meet someone,” You try to leave but he grabs your wrist pulling you back in front of the bed. 

“You're lying.” he snorts out a chuckle.

“You know,” Natsuki gets up and takes slow steps towards you as you back away cornering you as he still holds your hand. “eating you out . . . that might just be the thing I need to finish my project.”

Wait. what?

Before you can ask anything he just puts you on his shoulders, walks to the bed throwing you on the mattress. For someone who is a weapon engineer, who does not spend time on fieldwork he sure has a lot of strength.

“I didn’t mean it. I just wanted to get your attention that’s all.” you try to protest but it does not faze him, not even a little.

“Well you did a good job.” Grabbing your ankles he pulls you towards the edge of the bed before getting on his knees. He points to the cup noodles. “And, i’m not eating that.”

He pulls down your panties and shorts simultaneously. You do not stop him because you crave him as much as he needs this to de-stress or that’s how he would put it. Spreading your legs he places a trail of tender kisses along your thighs threatening your sanity, threatening the urge to push him away but you simply do not want to do that. You want this: him worshipping you like he used to. The moment his lips graze your entrance you arch back, hands resting on the mattress and crumpling the sheets as Seba gets more devoted to the cause. You put one of your legs over his shoulders as he buries his face deeper inclining his face a little to lap his tongue against your pussy lips. You bite your lower lip roughly before a whisper of words comes out of your mouth, “Ya know, you should return those magazines to Shin,”

“What?” he asks; nose glistening with your arousal, wet lips, cherry cheeks, and excited eyes. A curvature appears along your lips as you run your fingers through his hair and tug at it revealing his forehead forcing his eyes to close just for a second. He is still waiting for your response. 

“Nothing. Get to work,” you say and he listens to it like a good boy.

✦ yoichi nagumo.

“Is it that tasty?” Nagumo asks drinking an o-choko full of sake from your share. His face distorts feeling the strong fizziness. “How can you drink this?” his voice spikes up as he gulps it down. He hates it, hates this, that how you on every weekend would to go Sakamoto stores and buy liquor to drink out your misery. What a waste! He does not understand why you would spend your weekends drinking, especially when he is here. Sakamoto would often tell you to stop drinking but what’s the point? You nod like a good girl, buy some cup noodles and chips and after the store closes Shin arrives with the booze. Shin is knocked out on the floor already. But he is still keeping up with you not that he enjoys it but he is looking for an opportunity to make you stop and in that process, he ended up taking a few shots. He hates it, he hates this. He hates how you make drinks. It stings on his tongue. This is not because he wants to spend his off day with you. He rarely gets a day off and he can not go that to waste, can he now?

“Wanna fuck?”

You look at him with heavy eyes and a flustered face for a few seconds. “No.”

He is stone-cold sober. He is not even that drunk, to begin with. You are. You are still so dizzy and slumber threatening your eyes but you force them open divulging, “Too much work.” Ah! The slur. The slur in your voice. His head tilts as a smile breaks on his face like a plague.

“I’ll do the work.” Nagumo insists. “All of it.” His voice is low, slow. He wants to get through to you. “I’ll make you feel so good.” He does not want you to dismiss his words as just a drunken haze or something like that. He is already neck-deep in guilt for being unable to give as much time he wants, as much as the time you demand and crave from him. He can not sabotage your security but he would not deny that he likes meeting with you in secret; gives him some sort of thrill he thinks. “I promise,” he mumbly adds.

But he does not want to overdo it or wear you out. He can’t. He won’t. He is a good when he is with you. “Woah, careful.”

After moving the bottles and cups aside, now you are all on your fours crawling towards him like a cat. He can see your boobs, the nipples— everything. Wait, is that his tank top? He must have left it when he came to you here last time. He can’t remember when but he remembers he lost that one black tank top.

As you reach, your face inches away from him you lean for a kiss but he sways away. It instantly ruins your mood. He is smirking now as you are pouting. It turns into a snort. “Shin’s still here,” He points at the boy sleeping on the couch. You glance at the boy and then look at Nagumo. He is confused. You are impatient. Fuck it.

You hold on to his shoulders trying to get into his lap, legs sprawled apart and as you make yourself comfortable your legs get clamped around his waist. He does not lose his balance but rather helps you with it.

“Babe, Shin’s still here,” Nagumo repeats making you remember.

“Don’t care,” you shout and Nagumo covers your mouth with his palm while his index finger stills over his lips shushing you. You nod. It seems he got through to you.

You do not allow him to dodge him anymore.

You lean into his hand that is still over your mouth, nuzzling against his palm. He shoves his fingers into your hair, his index finger grazing behind your ears igniting your skin with goosebumps. His thumb roughly stretches across your bottom lip before you kiss the tip of it but he swats his hand away before you could suck on it; grabbing his other arm and you slide it under the blacktop. Nagumo does not squeeze your boobs. Not yet. He does not want to do it, not like this. Last time, both of you were sober and now both of you are drunk: you on alcohol and him on you. You buck your hips trying to get closer to him. 

“God Nagumo, why are you being like this? You said you'd do all the work. . .”

because it's amusing. The fact that you are scolding him with a whispering tone is making him tremble in mirth. He is barely holding it; you are frustrated, drunk, and horny. God! What is he going to do with you? Can he really hold himself back? Maybe he should not have proposed the idea in the first place. His hands are stretched, settled on the floor as he watches you: intently, nervously.

“Kiss me.”

And your lips instantly dance against his in a frenzy yet his hands are still on the floor. Even in this state, you manage to unbuckle his belt with one hand as the other works on the buttons of his shirt. It turns him on how swift you are too. You would be very skilled in his line of work. Maybe you are, too skilled that he did not even notice. Nah! you can't be a spy.

“Put it in” you command this time breaking the kiss. Nagumo was just starting to get to the good part of the kiss only to get deprived of it. He does not waste a second to abide by your said words. If he did, he might have to walk out thinking out the possibilities of how odd it was for a first meeting with you.

Strong hands against the plush of your hip as he adjusts his cock to your entrance. He pushes aside your panty before rubbing it against your entrance. Your hands squeeze the muscles of his shoulders.

“Without . . . condom?”

So, is that why he was delaying it? You thought he didn't want this but mentioned it for the sake of pity and now he is trying to get on your nerves to wake Shin up.

Your brain freezes after such a flow of info. You give him a nod.

Nagumo swallows before his cock goes inside without rubber. It's electric: the feeling of your flesh around his.

“Take me to that room,” you gasp out the words.

“What?”

“I said what I said.”

You become so handful when drunk not that he minds. He takes you to the room kicking back the door behind you to close before crashing onto the bed.

The next morning Shin has to buy a pair of black trousers for Nagumo and he does it without even questioning. He really does not wanna know what happened after he took you inside the room.

@underratedcharactercorner

@interstellar-inn

[biancasaidstfu]

FAVE ANON HERE 🤍

First things first -

“OMG VIP MEET AND GREET TSWIFT TICKETS FOR HER NEXT TOUR 😱😱😱” - I consider this a binding contract. You might understand that more BIANCA if you did your LSAT studying. 😉

Now to matters at hand -

I hear people have been checking in with Bianca to see where I stand these days. You can all rest assured that I am firmly planted in the same place you last heard from me. The same place I’ve been firmly planted since last summer. While I’ve had some slight shifts over time in my “whys” or “hows” of the current situation, I never doubt my “what” and for that matter I actually have a fairly solid “why and how” theory that I’ve been continuously throwing around since last summer and every month it seems to grow more solid in its foundation.

Did my vague-ness of that last paragraph confuse you? Simple terms: N & L are together. And why is it so secret? Well that’s a theory for me to know and you to maybe find out one day. That’s it. Those close to me know what the theory is.

It all comes down to knowing how to keep things in the group chat. 😏

With that being said, I have an observation of the fandom that I need to make express. People talk crap about the Jackholes and Tif & Co for being “stalkers” or “invasive” and “not respecting privacy” but why are we not casting as much ire on the Lukolas who are exhibiting the exact same behavior. The ones who are so desperate to “break the news” that they run to Twitter or TikTok or Tumblr to post something without thinking it through. The ones who are seeing research in discord servers and posting to their platforms. The ones who are delivering news of a personal nature about Nicola or Luke on their blogs without blinking an eye - and most importantly - reporting it as fact without any of us ever knowing that it is actually fact.

I understand that you online platform is your own personal forum and no one here is trying to police you but I implore everyone to take a step back and look in the mirror. This behavior is no different from the Jackholes and if you support it than I never wanna hear you talk down on Tif and her friends again.

While I’m on the subject of talking down - can we cut the crap on the Nicola hate? I’m sorry but Jake is gay. I’m also sorry but Jake is her friend and he’s not a character that will be written off the show. If he face “triggers” you or causes a “jumpscare” please unfollow him and his friends. And no, Nicola is not a bad person when you see her hanging out with them. There is nothing wrong with a “single” 38 year old woman having friends in their mid 20s. Let’s be honest, at this point most of yall are spewing hate at her because you believe something about her that certain online creators are stating as fact and so it’s hurting your brain to see her out and about so often. THIS IS WHY WE DONT BLINDLY BELIEVE THEORIES. And regardless, it’s her life. If it bothers you that much then please move on from the fandom.

The amount of judgment in this fandom from people regarding who Nic and Luke hang around. I would like each of you to submit the following: a detailed history of your romantic relationships, a detailed history or your friendships, and a picture of yourself (not a pfp of Nic or Luke). Once I’ve reviewed all that, I will decide if you have the credentials to judge at the level in which you do.

That’s enough rambling for now and I’m sure after this some of you will never wanna hear from me ever again. But what can I say - I call it like i see it and i tell it like it is.

For now, I’m just gonna sit back and let the chips fall as they may. All will be revealed in due time and tbh none of this is worth getting upset over. I’ve faced way harder in the past 6 months. 😉🥴 I just need some of you to remember that this isn’t a reality show required to keep you entertained on a regular schedule so it may be wise to pick up some other hobbies in the meantime.

As for me, you can catch me with my nose in the Polin fanfic when I’m not working my real person job and dealing with a slew of current personal issues. If it’s fantasy you’re looking to involve yourself in, than maybe head over to AO3. What’s even crazier is that there are even tons of fics about Pen and Colin being pregnant, you know if that’s the kind of story you’re looking to live in everyday. 😏

Ok well that’s it. 😘

xoxo

Fave anon has returned 🎉🎉🎉

[kerena]

THE EFFECTS OF TRANSITS AND SOLAR RETURN CHART :🌟

Of courses I know that not everyone will relate to what is writen in this post.

Based on personal observations.

Reminder : I’m not a professional astrologer, what I said is only based on what I have learned and my research.

Transits in astrology is the time when planets move across your birth chart. These transits are important especially when they come into conjunction with personal planets (especially sun or moon) or personal points (ascendant-descendant). When they aspects these points you are more able to feel the effects. However, you can also feel the effects of transits, particularly for major transits (transits which concern planets like Saturn/Pluto/Neptune/Uranus and Jupiter that have a longer transit and spend more time in certain areas in your birth chart.

Solar return chart is an annual chart that start the time of your birthday and can predict your next twelves months.

Both have influence in your life and when you except a change in your life like meeting new peoples/friends, start a new daily routine, start exercising, loses friends, starting a love relationship, meet your possible partner, change career, separation, moving abroad etc … all of them can be influenced by transits and solar return chart. You can be able to see a correlation between your current life and the transits of the planets.

However it’s important to remember that theses transits (SR included) chart will brings somes changes in your life (any kind of changes) that can lead to important changes or important decisions making or even highlights possible outcomes/changes/events, so it’s important to not be overly defeatist. This is temporary. Another thing : if you see a placement in your chart with a specific reputation (good or bad -> especially bad), is important to take a step back (sometimes it can lead to meaningful improvement about yourself and your life).

Sometimes those transits just don’t have any similar effects as you can see in some observations posts. You should look into your personal experience and your own perspective.

Some observations :

💫Neptune transit your 1st house : you can be overly idealistic about the world around you. You can see the world though pink colored glasses and you may, sometimes and possibly, find yourself being disappointed in some things you are faced with. You can be more interested in occult, astrology and any things like that. You can have an over idealistic vision on life, about yourself and your relatives. It could be difficult to takes or accept your responsibility in this life and you can be detached towards the practical aspects of life. Otherwise: sometimes you can crave more times alone -> maybe you can experience loneliness and probably liking it.

💫Saturn transit 1st house : Can show change, you can change your diet, start a new workout routine (or start a sport). You can present yourself as a new person, you can be more mature and taking your responsibilities. Maybe during the 12th house transit you have developed fears/anxieties and you may have to work on them during this transit. It could show struggle too so for example : you may struggle to lose weight (if you want to). Struggle to keep your routine going or your goals. You might have more responsability or you can take more mature decision and be more "adult". Can show the start of a new cycle and you can leave old habits behind you or you may want to grow yourself to leave thoses habits. But it could be difficult to keep this new routine in your life and consistently. You seek improvement but you have difficulty to maintain it, it’s your challenge to keeping it.

💫Mars transit 1st house : During this transit you can be impatient, more agressive, you can be easily irritated. You can takes more actions/be actions-oriented. You can take things more personally. You can be more confident but sometimes the opposite can happen. Objects/things can be broken too. Physically (it’s pretty known but) you might have redness on your skins especially on the face and/or rash probably caused by the fact that you can be more sensitive to stress.

💫Uranus in 7th house in solar return chart : this can show a unexpected changes in your partnerships (not only romantic but platonic too). You may face a betrayal by a relative that led to this change. If mars is present in this house or influence this house though aspects, it can accentuate the chance that a betrayal could happen or this change could lead to conflits. Several scenario could happen but this is what i have see. Note : during the year where i had Uranus in 7th house i also had an scorpio rising -> during this year one of my close friend betrayed me => this betrayal lead to an transformation (scorpio rising).

💫Mercury in 10th house/conjunct mc ; Saturn in 10th/conjunct sun-mc ; Sun in 10th house in SR : theses placements can show a year where you need to work hard and a lot (especially with Saturn). With Mercury you can work for study and/or during this year you will focus a lot on study to be certificate (if there is one going). If Saturn is with Mercury in 10th house you may struggle to study or you will work really hard. But if Sun is present it may indicate that you will shine because of your work (not only for study) => you may get your certificate or pass your exam hands down (in case of study) or maybe you will get a promotion and if sun sit along with Saturn you will shine and be proud of you because you get what you’re working for by your hard work and discipline (saturn). It can be a year where you have a certificate and you need to put efforts to get this certificate. This is a possible scenario if sun-mercury-saturn are together. This can happen in working area too (not necessarily studying), but I just make the link between mercury->education)

💫Planets in 6th house in SR : when you have planets in this house you may want to take care of your health. Maybe you will have an awareness about your health => you may change your routine in a more healthy way. Sometimes it can become an obsession (especially with Pluto or if you have a stellium). In a lot of case you will focus a lot on your health. With mars you can give a lot of energy to your health. With venus you will think that this would allow you to be more attractive or you may want to be more attractive and be the best version of yourself. It can show a glow up. In another way, you can feel more anxious about your health and possibly this is because of your anxiety that you take care of your health. You might realise how important it is to taking care of your health. In general you can be more anxious in your daily life and if you have Pluto you may have transformations (in your routine etc..) “that can” make you worried if you don’t maintain it.

💫Moon in 1st house in solar return chart : It could be easy to you to put boundaries and respect your emotional needs. You may want to recharge yourself a lot and It could be easy to refuse some interactions because you feel It could draining you. You might be able to stop making things that make you feel bad and stop doing things that you don’t really like. Maybe more easily exhausted during this year.

💫Jupiter in 9th house in solar return chart : you could have a big desire to pursue your studies abroad, probably you’re seeking adventure and new experiences and you might be tired of your routine. You can looking at your life in a different way and wanting something different and more exciting. Also you can seeking something that speaks to you in a “soul level” your likely to wanting something that give a sense to your life and that is connected with how you are and how you feel. You can be inclined to working at knowing what you really want in your life and finding yourself. You may doing well at your studies.

-> The year when I had moon and pluto in the 8th house of my solar return chart I got a crazy obsession towards my crush.

💫When some people said that Libra rising in your solar return chart could make you glow up is true!! When I had Libra rising in my src I was really invested at improving my style and external aspects of my appearance. I was more coquettish and wanted to feel better in my own body. I improved my style during this year. (I developed an obsession towards pink tinted lip balm).

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.🤍

[thegingerwrites]

I've been writing quite a bit lately including making some progress on the results of this poll from the beginning of the year at least until I found an idea to obsess over which i have

The current fic I'm really into writing started out as like an outlet for my id (which is, coincidentally, how short cycle started too) I just wanted like a scrap doc to put my horniest thoughts in and it has evolved into something even more fun than i originally thought.

It's a sort of post-rots, no order 66, palpatine is dead, the galaxy is saved, anakin leaves the order to be with padme and the twins au. Obi-Wan and Anakin haven't seen each other in 4 years. I love getting to wrestle with Obi-Wan's pov in this scene where he is, in his mind justifiably, kind of a bitch

And because I feel like I haven't been around lately, here's an extended snippet:

“What are you doing here?” Obi-Wan asks. He doesn’t bother to wonder how Anakin got in. So many things that should be unlikely or impossible are child’s play to Anakin. If enough desire is there, nothing can stand in his way. Obi-Wan knows him well enough by now to know that the question to ask is not how but why.

Anakin looks at him, all of him. He rocks forward on the balls of his feet like he wants to step inside Obi-Wan’s quarters but Obi-Wan doesn’t move an inch. It’s not like Anakin can sneak past him without a struggle if Obi-Wan decides not to let him in. “I had to see you again.”

“And so you have.”

“I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately and seeing you today felt like a sign.”

Always so dramatic. “Today was a coincidence, nothing more.”

“There is no such thing as a coincidence when it comes to the Force.”

Obi-Wan tilts his head, the expression on his face veering towards amusement so that it doesn’t flirt with anger. “You sound awfully like a Jedi for a civilian.”

“Obi-Wan—” Anakin begins and for all that Obi-Wan is dying to hear where Anakin is going to go with this, Anakin doesn’t seem to have the words.

He lets Anakin struggle and fall. Keeping his face placid and still is a challenge, so he overcompensates and feigns a small, amused smile. It’s a cruel little thing but Obi-Wan doesn’t have it in himself to be gentle with Anakin. Not after all this time.

“What?” he asks, when he’s finally had enough. “You came all this way but have nothing to say to me?”

“I don’t know where to begin—Obi-Wan, can I please come inside?”

“We could start right where we left off today, couldn’t we? Exchange pleasantries?” Obi-Wan keeps his voice light and manages to hold his tongue through iron self-control. He desperately wants to pile other questions on top of those. How have you been since you decided to leave the only life you’ve ever known? How have I been since you left without a word?

Anakin scoffs. “What, you want to talk about the weather? I don’t think we’ve exchanged pleasantries in the entire time I’ve known you.”

Because that is what strangers do and they have never been strangers to each other but they might be strangers now. Anakin has made certain of that. “What do you suggest we do then? I’m still waiting to hear what brought you to my door.”

“I’d like to come inside before someone comes to investigate a shouting match in the hall.”

Obi-Wan puts on a look of innocence and peers to the left and right down the hall. “A shouting match? I haven’t heard anything of the sort but I’ll be sure to keep an ear out. Kit does like to leave the volume on his holoprograms rather loud.”

This is fun, Obi-Wan realizes. For all of his nerves, for all of the rattling sense of inevitability, he hadn’t anticipated enjoying himself trying to goad and skewer Anakin. But he does have to be careful not to push Anakin too far. He can’t risk the man storming off now that Obi-Wan has the upper hand.

“Come in, then.” Obi-Wan steps back to let Anakin past him.

“Thank you,” Anakin murmurs. Obi-Wan tries hard to find the note of sarcasm that must be hiding there but he must not have the ear for it anymore.

He takes a minute to stand back and watch Anakin in the middle of his apartment. He blinks and tries to will away the shock of it. Remind himself that Anakin is real and tangible. He won’t vanish like a ghost or a dream. Obi-Wan tries to put himself in Anakin’s shoes, see his apartment from his point of view. It isn’t as though much has changed since he left. Obi-Wan has never had very many possessions. A throw blanket on the couch, a new mug by the sink, a succulent drying out on the windowsill. He can’t get a read on what Anakin makes of it, the same but different, but Obi-Wan doesn’t much care what Anakin thinks. He isn’t ashamed of how he has led his life, the code he has always tried his best to stick to.

“Shall I put on some water for tea?” asks Obi-Wan, ready to keep pretending that Anakin is just some other house guest for as long as it gets under Anakin’s skin.

Anakin gives him a look. It’s far too familiar and something in Obi-Wan aches at the sight of it. The feeling vanishes in an instant, replaced by a kind of disgust in himself for his weakness that is far more comfortable.

Then Anakin seems to come to a decision. He moves to the kitchen cabinets with a purpose. He opens the one over the sink and lifts up onto his toes to grab—ah, yes. There is a bottle of Corellian brandy Obi-Wan once confiscated from Anakin as a padawan. He came back to their rooms dizzy, drunk, and babbling after a night out somewhere in the temple with some of the other padawans, not more than fourteen years old. At the time, Obi-Wan told him they would share it one day when he was older, when he was an adult and could handle his alcohol better. Then it became something of a joke that no, even when Anakin was nineteen, twenty-one, twenty-three, he still wasn’t quite ready yet.

Patience, my very young padawan. Some things get better with age.

Obi-Wan doesn’t go into that cabinet very often. He’d mostly forgotten that bottle was there.

[thefearandnow]

So with Oppenheimer coming out tomorrow, I feel a certain level of responsibility to share some important resources for people to understand more about the context of the Manhattan Project. Because for my family, it’s not just a piece of history but an ongoing struggle that’s colonized and irradiated generations of New Mexicans’ lives and altered our identity forever. Not only has the legacy of the Manhattan Project continued to harm and displace Indigenous and Hispanic people but it’s only getting bigger: Biden recently tasked the Los Alamos National Lab facility to create 30 more plutonium pits (the core of a nuclear warhead) by 2026. So this is a list of articles, podcasts and books to check out to hear the real stories of the local people living with this unique legacy that’s often overlooked. 

This is simply the latest mainstream interest in the Oppenheimer story and it always ALWAYS silences the trauma of the brown people the US government took advantage of to make their death star. I might see the movie, I honestly might not. I’m not trying to judge anyone for seeing what I’m sure will be an entertaining piece of art. I just want y’all to leave the theater knowing that this story goes beyond what’s on the screen and touches real people’s lives: people whose whole families died of multiple cancers from radiation from the Trinity test, people who’s ancestral lands were poisoned, people who never came back from their job because of deadly work conditions. This is our story too.

The first and best place to learn more about this history and how to support those still resisting is to follow Tewa Women United. They’ve assembled an incredible list of resources from the people who’ve been fighting this fight the longest.

https://tewawomenunited.org/2023/07/oppenheimer-and-the-other-side-of-the-story

The writer Alicia Inez Guzman is currently writing a series about the nuclear industrial complex in New Mexico, its history and cultural impacts being felt today.

https://searchlightnm.org/my-nuclear-family/

https://searchlightnm.org/the-abcs-of-a-nuclear-education/

https://searchlightnm.org/plutonium-by-degrees/

Danielle Prokop at Source NM is an excellent reporter (and friend) who has been covering activists fighting for Downwinder status from the federal government. They’re hoping that the success of Oppenheimer will bring new attention to their cause.

https://sourcenm.com/2023/07/19/anger-hope-for-nm-downwinders/

https://sourcenm.com/2022/01/27/new-mexico-downwinders-demand-recognition-justice/

One often ignored side of the Manhattan Project story that’s personal for me is that the government illegally seized the land that the lab facilities eventually were built on. Before 1942, it was homesteading land for ranchers for more than 30 families (my grandpa’s side of the family was one). But when the location was decided, the government evicted the residents, bought their land for peanuts and used their cattle for target practice. Descendants of the homesteaders later sued and eventually did get compensated for their treatment (though many say it was far below what they were owed)

https://www.hcn.org/issues/175/5654

Myrriah Gomez is an incredible scholar in this field, working as a historian, cultural anthropologist and activist using a framework of “nuclear colonialism” to foreground the Manhattan Project. Her book Nuclear Nuevo Mexico is an amazing collection of oral stories and archival record that positions New Mexico’s era of nuclear colonialism in the context of its Spanish and American eras of colonialism. A must read for anyone who’s made it this far.

https://uapress.arizona.edu/book/nuclear-nuevo-mexico

There isn’t a ton of podcasts about this (yet 👀) but recently the Washington Post’s podcast Field Trip did an episode about White Sands National Monument. The story is a beautifully written and sound designed piece that spotlights the Downwinder activists and also a discovery of Indigenous living in the Trinity test area going back thousands of years. I was blown away by it.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/podcasts/field-trip/white-sands-national-park/

[swallowerofdharma]

I’m quite grateful for the current conversation happening around a trans reading of Yashiro and that there is a questioning in the first place. One of my more profound and “philosophical” interests is around a topic sometimes called “epistemology of ignorance”: a theory of knowledge and in particular of the active limitations of knowledge, of those practices that contribute to basically rendering invisible, obscure or obsolete (or “problematic”) those types of knowledge and information that don’t serve those in power. It’s a very active and quite persistent production of forms of marginalization that would not otherwise exist in such extreme forms, because people are rather capable of empathy unless relentlessly trained to discredit or push away certain narratives and alternative epistemic proposals. When talking about “ignorance” in this context, the goal is to familiarize ourselves with it, not to make ourselves feel worse, but to keep learning, to keep ourselves open and aware of how incredibly insular and limited our own knowledge might actually be, because we are always taught the basics in a very specific and always politically and ideologically motivated social contexts. But this is maybe not the place for this kind of framing, but more than anything: I don’t feel intellectually equipped to explain this topic. It’s something that I would invite people to look into themselves in case they want to, though.

It’s still worth considering that all trans experiences, but in particular those of trans women, are subject of the most violent pushbacks, and cultivated ignorance and prejudice contributed to epistemic injustices and practical oppression.

So in a broader context, because I am pleading guilty of thinking about things in broader terms in my pinned post so I don’t see why I shouldn’t at least try to, do we really need to absolutely confirm Yashiro’s identity as a (gay) man? What changes so dramatically if we look at Yashiro as a woman instead? Is she such a different person than suddenly the story told in Saezuru becomes less comfortable to read? But if that’s the case, shouldn’t we ask ourselves why? I specifically ask this question around the reading of Yashiro as a woman, rather than non-trasfeminine nonbinary or genderfluid in this instance. As these are all valid interpretations, Yashiro being a cis man is surprisingly to me the least likely interpretation for so many things that are shown in the text of the story. But because of a lack of habit of paying attention and because of specific forms of ignorance or bias, when I began reading the manga I didn’t really think about questioning Yashiro’s gender either, even when I was well aware of the recurring unreliability of certain statements in spoken dialogue or internal dialogue, and the depth of the story. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that there was something more to it, even if I was picking up things initially only on a subconscious level. I mean, I was associating specific songs with Yashiro that were all about other trans women’s experiences in non ambiguous terms. Yet until someone pointed to me this art and tags by Benvey I was still on the quite oblivious side of things. But you know what I kept thinking also? That the questions around Yashiro’s gender identity in text and in subtext seemed very intentional and I knew of Yoneda talking about another song as well, that she listened to often when thinking about Yashiro and about Yashiro’s deeper and oldest feelings. There are two different posts here on tumblr you can check and in particular this one with the Japanese transcript of the lyrics is particularly interesting to me, as Yoneda seems to be referring to the Japanese lyrics rather than the English ones for the song.

Let’s read the Japanese lyrics, retranslated in English (mostly via machine translation), just as an experiment, because of the different nuances that are even less ambiguous than in the final song:

Mother, look at this end of your love / Why was I born? Mother, your son is a deformed creature, neither man nor woman / Why was I born? It is your fault that I am so miserable / This pain, this ache / Even if I turn the mirror upside down / No one will look back at me / You say "Beauty lies in the heart" / "A heart as beautiful as a rose" / "Let's cultivate beauty in the heart" / But the roses have grown black and ugly / Mother, who told you to give birth? / Who asked to give birth to this pitiful body? / If only I hadn't been born

Mother, wait, that's not true. / Please forgive the anger boiling deep inside me, please, you are the only one I have now. I will suffer the torture of hell for eternity. Imprisoned in this cage, in this flesh, everything has gone to waste. It's over, Mother, I don't want this anymore. The pain won't go away, like the bruises eating away at my skin. It's all my fault, even without you telling me, I realized too late. And you entrusted it to me. When light shines at the end of lamentation, when love is born at the end of hope, you say, "Beauty lies in the heart," "The beauty of the heart is like a rose," "Let's cultivate the beauty of the heart," and the rose bloomed into an ugly black flower. You say, "Beauty lies in the heart," "The beauty of the heart is like a rose," "Let's cultivate the beauty of the heart," and the rose that bloomed was──I don't understand your words anymore. Mommy, get me out of here

There is usually a lot of music happening in my head and it changes when I read something and so I could not ignore which songs were so often playing while I read parts of Saezuru or while thinking about Yashiro, when I also looked at Benvey’s art and started paying attention and reading his posts @nanayashi-agenda Well, now I can understand why I was associating Yashiro with songs like “Candy says”, “Cripple and the Starfish” and half of Anohni’s discography, why that note about the Yoko Kanno and Scott Matthew’s song “beauty is within us” was so present in my memory, even when it’s from ten years ago, and my interest so picked with all the interactions between Yashiro and other women in the manga, sometimes in the minuscule details. Why I was thinking about a crossover with the movie “The Birds”, because Yashiro’s character had partially merged in my head with the one portrayed by Tippy Hedren, especially for the instances where the character interacts with three key women: the little sister, the mother and the ex-girlfriend of her love interest.

I began to consider the possibility that Yoneda was rather intentionally drawing out many aspects of Yashiro’s identity that is good for us to question and not just be content with on a surface level, in a similar way that she thought about putting there the references to the police and the laws around sexual violence, the different mind/body’s responses to it and how slowly shifting the attention from only the more blatant forms of violent assault to the notion of consent and other forms of more subtle coercion might still not be enough to counteract other narratives. If you start reading the story and taking it in, the layers are there and it’s not like there is no time between a chapter and the next to reread. I think there is always something more to gain from paying attention here, beyond the satisfaction of our preexisting expectations.

And would it be that surprising in manga to find a certain fluidity regarding gender representation? Even in a yakuza family setting for that matter, like there has never been a Stop!! Hibari-kun! manga and anime, just to make one example? As a teenager I was collecting all the volumes of Ranma 1/2, and we are certainly not talking of obscure titles, or very niche, but we are talking about titles published in Weekly Shōnen Jump and Weekly Shōnen Sunday, respectively. Regardless of the commercial exploitation of the genre now labeled as bl and increasingly specialized magazines, I am glad that there is space for some of the stories that come out of these to have that same creative, unapologetic queer and avant-garde spirit of the most beloved manga titles, mainly in the Shōjo demographic, that created this possibility in the first place. Yashiro might just be cis in your preferred reading of the manga, in your preferred interpretation, but that doesn’t have to be necessarily correct as the only possibility and plainly obvious to everyone, you know?

[ewwww-what]

I wanna hear about nara I wanna hear everything you have to say abt nara

I am so extremely excited that you asked because I really do have plenty to say about (universally loved and cherished character that everyone remembers and cares about) Princess Nara.

Let it be known that I am truly at my weakest and most vulnerable when talking about princess Naradriel of Dimension Twenty fame. Take my words with a grain of salt as I may be consistently lying right to your face and not saying anything the way I want to!

I truly deeply love thinking of the JY events through Nara’s perspective. Like, her (very rich, very pretentious, very absent) family is worried about a new organization for a different interpretation of the godess they worship, so they send Nara in to keep an eye on Tracker since they’re the same age and they think she’ll relate to her better. They end up really hitting it off, Nara convinces her parents to fund Wolfsong Revival, and in turn learns things about her religion that she hadn’t known before, truly she is the most aware of her faith that she has ever been thanks to her girlfriend and her followers. Except Tracker won’t really call Nara her girlfriend outright? And also she hasn’t ever really announced their partnership despite having an active social media presence (Tracker eventually does post about her, with permission from her ex, and the conflict is half-resolved from then on.)

Then Nara meets Kristen, and promptly realizes that she is a perfect mirror of her very existence. Nara is the spitting image of her girlfriend’s ex, Kristen totally knows it too. the only real difference between the two of them is that Nara has the funds to make a project the size of Wolfsong possible and Kristen doesn’t, neither of them feel good about this situation at all.

I’m thinking about her constantly, she is in a relationship where the love literally wasn’t meant for her, that’s so sad?? Waiter, more fantasy teenagers in messy relationships please!!

——

Kristen Applebees foil intermission

Honestly I think Kristen Applebees might have more foils in junior year than anyone else throughout the entire show and I do truly enjoy that very much.

There’s the very obvious and intended Buddy dawn, who was created to be her foil and also an antagonist in her story. He reminds her very much of her younger and more sheltered self, as well as the person she might have become if she hadn’t died in the cafeteria that day.

Nara is kind of a funny contrast to him, because Kristen’s dislike for Buddy is very much representative of the parts of her past that she isn’t proud of, and he is significantly easier for her to criticize because she’s already come to terms with those things within herself. Nara, however, is everything that Kristen doesn’t like about herself currently.

A big thing that Kristen is grappling with in this season is her impulsiveness and the way it effects the people around her, and this dialogue specifically is what sparked her realization that her and Nara aren’t dissimilar people. Kristen and Nara’s shared spontaneity isn’t necessarily a conscious choice for either of them, but it is something that they both find frustrating about themself.

I wrote a whole paragraph here but it deleted itself, I’m not rewriting it all. it was just about how for certain people executive disfunction make it difficult to prioritize important tasks, and it can feel frustrating and unfair when things fall through even though other people might find it easy to maintain in a way you don’t. That’s what these two have going on, they both have ADHD (canonically /srs).

I think it’s also important for Kristen at that point in time to have met someone who’s experiencing similar things to her. Especially during a point in her life where everything feels really uncertain, and nobody seems to be really understanding her exact experience, she meets someone who feels the same way she does and is able to lend her sympathy about it. Very nice, very good :)

——

??? I’m just talking about whatever now

I feel itchy every time I have to think about the way Nara is treated like she’s not smart!! Partially because it’s clear that this is a young girl who has been very sheltered all her life, and is finally branching out and attempting to be a better person and educate herself for the benefit of the people around her. She made a very open and self-aware observation about the corrupt system that her family helps uphold, and expressed distaste and willingness to change, which was kind of met with skepticism and weird comments about her intelligence. I like her, whatever. I’m killing everyone!!!

Is she ignorant? Yes, absolutely. Disgustingly rich? Of course. But a reoccurring theme in the few scenes we get to see her in is that she wants to be better and more involved in the lives of other people (close enough, welcome back season one Kristen Applebees and season two Fabian Seacaster)

(That’s not to say that you can’t dislike her for these traits, just me complaining about how she was treated narratively once she served her purpose in the story. girl is bad forever and cannot possibly become a better person. Unfortunate reoccurring theme (I love this show, take all of this with a grain of sugar.))

I don’t have anything huge to say about it, I’m sure someone else could make a better and more concise explanation for what I’m trying to get across. Give me 5 hours to write another essay.

-

Also!! Nara has a lisp, I think? It could have been an aspect of her accent that I misinterpreted, but you will not catch me ignoring even the slightest possibility that a character could have a speech impairment that isn’t taken as a joke. This is not important to literally anything I have said this whole time, I just want it out in the world that I’ve collected another character into my (very small) pile of favs who have lisps.

——

JY finale

I didn’t particularly love the JY finale, I feel like it didn’t give closure to a lot of the events of the season that should’ve probably gotten closure. That being said, for a character who played such a small role in the show I don’t think Nara needed much more than what she got. I do enjoy that it can be interpreted as Nara wanting more from tracker than she’s willing to give in their relationship, or that her parents weren’t happy with the actual religious advancements of moonsong, maybe both.

I hear sometimes that Nara was in on the plan to take down moonsong, and that’s the reason that Tracker’s funding was removed, and I don’t disagree that that could’ve been the intention behind the finale but it’s also not my favorite idea. I personally don’t understand how Nara would benefit from advocating for the oracle to get paid a living wage, or begging her dad to fund the operation to revive a primal interpretation of her goddess just to have that taken away. (Political advantage and surveillance, I guess? Two things that high schoolers notoriously love and care about willingly participating in /sar)

You cant have full episodes to tie up the loose ends of minor characters and I do understand that, and I certainly don’t mean for it to seem like I’m upset that she and tracker broke up or even that she probably won’t show up again. I just like her :)

Also here’s Aelwyn and Adaine talking about maybe possibly killing Nara as a little treat to themselves, I was rewatching the episode and I like this part

That’s it I’m done now :)

[mysteriousdragon2]

Howdy everyone. To those who are reading this, I’ll be venting once again. However, this might be a bit more personal. You’re more than free to disregard this post, but to those who read it, thank you for your time.

So…life’s been a complete disaster. My household treats me poorly daily, and I unfortunately cannot escape this situation until I get money to move out.

My parents have hurt me in ways that I cannot explain fully. But I’ll say this for certain: mental abuse. Ever since I was a child, it’s been an ongoing issue. I’m told I deserve to get bullied, told that I’ll never amount to anything, told that I’m a freak who doesn’t deserve anything. No gifts, no friends, no happiness. And everytime I try to be happy for a split second, it gets demolished by my parents with their negative comments about me.

Aches me daily. The more I keep living, the more I sink in those words, and feel useless. I can’t even create art without having someone from my household telling me it’s a waste of time to work on. And art is something I’ve been doing practically all my life.

I despise the fact that I’m being threatened to get kicked out of home if I fail to obey my parents’ unrealistic expectations. When I already do that, it’s bringing me into a state of misery.

Heck, I feel like a terrible friend to those who are currently my friend. I just keep spewing my moronic feelings, and have no input about it. Sometimes I think it’s best that I remain silent about venting to my friends. I’m only making this post just to notify others about how I’ve been and my feelings over the past couple years.

Sometimes, I have mood swings and it sets me into unwanted places. Although random, they are manageable. Usually doing something I enjoy solves this. But it’s really irritating to have my parents tell me that art doesn’t do anything to a person. Boy are they wrong. Art has made me very creative and patient, and that is wonderful. My art has gotten better thanks to the many art trades I’ve done with people.

Yet, I feel out of it. With just about anything I do, my stress level keeps getting worse to certain things. I’m claustrophobic, so being around a ton of people or closed spaces and or objects get my mind racing. I hate that I’ve met people joking about claustrophobia, it’s not okay. When people treat a phobia as a joke, please don’t do that. It grinds my gears.

Anyhow, sometimes I feel like I’m inferior sad a person and a friend. And often I choose to avoid people for the sake of their health, plus others are busy, so I get it.

What upsets me, is getting abandoned. By my close friends especially. Or anybody that’s genuinely kind to me. Countless times have I keep ghosted without a word by many people, and it’s never a pleasant feeling. You feel shackled and shut down. The fact this happens often really shows how terrible I am. But to those who have been my friend for a while, thank you.

The only thing keeping me intact at the moment, is Hol Horse. He’s been nothing but an example I follow, to always be a number 2. And to never strive for perfection, or being a perfectionist. He has his own way of life, and so do I want to aim for that someday. He means so much to me, more than I can express.

Sorry for the venting. Just wanted to express how I’ve been feeling and what’s going on. Thanks to those who read it.

Have a good one, everyone.

[coupleofdays]

I have finally decided to put pronouns on my profile here on Tumblr: She/her. There are reasons for why I’ve waited, why I’ve hesitated to do so until now, and I will explain them below.

The short version: I might be genderfluid, I might be trans, I’m not certain yet. I’m going to go by she/her on here, but I’ll be he/him most everywhere else, including “in real life”, for the foreseeable future.

The long version: I have occasionally seen posts in different places online saying some variation of “You shouldn’t wait for a ‘perfect time’ to transition, there’s never going to be a perfect time, just start doing it right now.” And I think I understand the point of this message, why it’s important to get it out there, why it can be the thing that spurs questioning people into taking their first big step and becoming what they want to be. But when I read it, I don’t feel motivated. I feel stressed out, for some reason. I’ve been thinking about why that is, and this is what I’ve come up with so far:

I think I’m the kind of person who thinks “if I could wave a magic wand and instantly turn into a woman, I would”. But the actual, real-life process of transitioning feels… intimidating. I don’t think it scares me, it just feels like it’s a lot of hard, sometimes frustrating, work. I started doing voice training on my own last year, in order to get a feminine-sounding voice, and I’ve realized that it’s a complex process that’s going to take a lot of time for me if I want a voice that’s “passing”. And then, on top of that, there are all the other things I feel like I want to have done before I can go out in the world and say “yes, I’m a woman now”: Laser hair removal, learning how to dress, how to do makeup, how to take care of long hair, reading up on how HRT works, reading up on gender theory so I can confidently explain myself if people ask questions, doing paperwork for changing my legal name and gender marker, and so on.

Important sidenote: Yes, I am aware that not all trans people do all of the things I’ve listed above. Some don’t change their voice, some don’t remove their beard, some don’t use HRT, some dress however they feel like without worrying about what clothes are “male” or “female”, etc. And that’s totally fine, of course. But as it stands right now, if I want to transition, I want to do most, if not all, of those things, to feel comfortable, to feel safe.

Getting back to the main point: When it comes to transitioning, I’m interested in the goal, but often feel unenthusiastic about the process to get there. And sometimes, when I think about this unenthusiasm, it makes me wonder if Maybe I’m Not Trans After All.

The thing is, I don’t think I’m uncomfortable in my current body, or with my current gender identity. When I look at myself in the mirror, I do often think that I’m a fine-looking man, and that doesn’t bother me, at least not that I’m consciously aware of. My feelings about transitioning aren’t “I have to do this to become happy, to become who I truly am”, but more “it sounds like fun to be a girl, and I think I would look good as a woman too”. I like writing stories with female characters, I think I have a preference to roleplay as female characters in games, I have several female OCs. But I’m okay with playing as/writing about guys as well, though possibly to a lesser extent. That’s why I’ve considered that I might not be trans, but some kind of genderfluid (acknowledging that these labels have their limits, and should be descriptive, not prescriptive).

Whatever the case might be, I have decided that when I see a “don’t hesitate, don’t wait, start transitioning right now!” post, my attitude is going to be: I am transitioning, I’m just doing it slowly, because it’s a lot of work, and I don’t feel the need to rush through it. Again, to be clear: I know that that’s not how all trans people feel about this process. These are my feelings about my transitioning, I’m not going to say that they are universal.

My original plan was that I would add my pronouns to my Tumblr profile when I was finally “finished” with transitioning, and write something like “hey, I’m a woman now!” I’ve had several thoughts about other posts about being trans, or genderfluid, or my gender identity in general, that I’ve wanted to write, that I’ve decided to hold off on until I had done my “coming out” to the world at large. But now that I’ve realized that it’s going to be a while yet before I’ve figured everything out and done all the work to potentially feel comfortable with being a woman “in the real world”, I’ve decided on this: I’m going to use she/her pronouns here on Tumblr, but I won’t be using them in most other places online yet (aside from a few more or less private forums, etc.), and when I’m out and about on the streets, talking with family, colleagues at work, or with most of my friends, I’m going to look like, sound like, and refer to myself as a guy, for now. And that’s fine, it doesn’t bother me.

[annaelizabethhenry1]

Echoes from the Past - Chapter Four

Thankfully the muse struck and provided me with not only inspiration, but time to write the next chapter already! I let little River run wild and take over for this installment, hopefully no one minds!

Chapter Four

When did my childhood go? Was it the time I realised that adults were not All they seemed to be, They talked of love and preached of love, But did not act so lovingly, Was that the day! When did my childhood go? Was it when I found my mind was really mine, To use whichever way I choose, Producing thoughts were not those of other people But my own and mine alone Was that the day!                                                  - Markus Natten 

Once back at the house Catherine went upstairs to tidy further while River went to look for more photos and memorabilia from his childhood tucked away in the attic. River was almost certain after turning over his childhood summers in his head that he definitely remembers being photographed with Orla at some point in the garden. A myriad of memories came flooding back to him since Orla’s revelation. River had not thought about those summers since before uni at least. 

River found a box labelled with his name on the side and figured that might be a good place to start. Opening it he found some books, magazines and the infamous Mr. Hoppinheimer. River smiled as he picked up his childhood companion. He remembered the spring he received it in a box along with some Easter chocolates and card that his Nan sent especially for him. River put the rabbit to the side and continued shifting items in the box. At the bottom River found an old photo album. The plastic sheets stuck together making them difficult to turn as he didn’t want to damage any of the photos. Walking towards the attic window to get more sunlight River found the photo he was looking for, it was of River and Orla, her ginger curls much longer than they were now, but the sweet smile was still the same. He pulled the picture out of the pocket and stared it thoughtfully remembering the first time he met Orla. 

River was twelve and had just came in from the garden with his grandfather. His Nan held the post in one hand, a glass of lemonade in the other. He noticed there was a plate on the table of Jammie Dodgers. As he went to grab one his grandmother said, “Hands, River!” 

“Oh, right,” River went over to the sink to wash his hands.

David chuckled, “He’s a growing boy, he can’t help how ravenous he gets.”

Rose put down the lemonade and flipped through the post, “River there’s a postcard from your mother,” she said holding up a colourful photo of some exotic locale.

After drying his hands on a nearby towel, River carefully took the card and examined the photo of a fancy ancient temple with the super imposed script reading Bali. Turning it about he read the message – 

 Dearest River,

Hope you’re enjoying your school holidays and aren’t being any trouble for your grandparents. As you can tell I’m currently in Bali – it’s the most beautiful place on earth. The people are wonderful as is the food. Keep up with your schoolwork for next term and be good!

            Mum 

River frowned. She didn’t mention his birthday at all which had past now a few months back. She also didn’t leave an address to reach her. Maybe she didn’t plan on staying there long. Why didn’t she write love as her sign off? She never did, but he hoped she would one day. His grandparents loved him – why couldn’t his mother?

“How’s your mother?” David asked.

River handed him the postcard, grabbed the lemonade and chugged some down. “I’m going to go for a walk,” River stated.

“Don’t you want to have a snack first, love?” Nan asked worry etching her face.

“Nah, I’m not hungry anymore, thanks,” River said going back out through the garden and quickly walking through the woods that lay on the edge of the property. 

Tears pricked at his eyes as he began running under the canopy of trees that sheltered him from the afternoon sun. All River wanted was to have what he saw the other kids at school have – mums who came to pick them up when they were sick, attend a play they were in and clap with pride. He noticed some of the boys in his year started pushing their mum away when they would kiss them goodbye when dropping them off in the morning. They didn’t know how lucky they were – River would give anything to have that from him mum, embarrassment be damned. 

River zoomed through the familiar path, winding around fallen trees and ancient logs hollowed out by time. In early spring this leaf covered floor was consumed with what seemed like a million snowdrops. He remembered the first time his grandfather showed it to him that first spring when he was barely seven. It reminded him of an enchanted forest from a fairy tale. Living with his grandparents the last five years had been like a fairy tale in comparison to life with his mum. Never having any permanence, never knowing what type of boyfriend she would bring home was miserable, but he still missed her. No matter how many hugs Nan gave him or often Grandad wiped his tears away when he was scared ever filled that weird empty feeling River could not shake inside of him. 

Suddenly feeling a chill despite the weather, River broke out of the treeline and into a dusty lane that cut across the neighbouring properties and into the bright, warm sun of late July. He paused to catch his breath and then heard what sounded like crying. Swivelling his head about he didn’t see anyone nearby. He looked lower into the high grass in case it was an injured animal that sounded like a person. Then he heard a louder choked sob – nope that was not an animal – it was a girl. 

River walked on, his ears pricked, listening to every snuffle and hiccup. Stopping finally at the source – an ancient oak tree. He looked up and spied a girl around his age way up the tree, clutching something. River squinted, shading his eyes – it was a kitten. Not this tree, River thought with a sigh. He had fallen out of this very same tree when nine and broke his arm. Said arm currently ached in remembrance of the event. A piece of him wondered if he should run and get help or would it be easier to get her down himself. But who would he get? His grandfather couldn’t go up a tree at his age and this girl’s parents would be angry at her since she got stuck. 

“Umm…excuse me, but do you need help?” River shouted up at the girl in the tree. 

“Oh!” she hiccupped. “Yes, please!” 

“Okay, umm…I’ll get you down.” Question was how and what about the kitten? River had no experience with pets except the class guinea pig when it was his turn to take it home two years ago, it tried to nibble his finger off. 

River carefully climbed the giant oak and managed to deftly make his way to the thick arching branch the girl was on.

“You’re not hurt, are you?” River asked.

“No, just terrified. I’m afraid to go down.”

River agreed silently remembering the last time he got up this far. He swallowed hard.

“It’s fine. We’ll get down.”

She nodded, her lip trembling, the kitten mewing, its bright eyes boring a hole into River. He took in the girl as he never saw her before. Her cheeks were tear stained and freckled. She had a mass of red curls tied into a ponytail and mossy green eyes. “Is the kitten yours?”

“Umm…no…I heard it crying and felt bad so I thought I could grab it, but she kept climbing higher on me.”

“Oh…” River said looking at the kitten, then looking down. Leaving the kitten wasn’t an option – at least not for the girl it wasn’t.

“I’m hoping my gran will let me keep it.”

River’s head turned, someone else lived with their grandparents? “Are you living with your grandparents?”

“Yes, for the summer.”

River’s heart sank. He thought he had someone who would understand him.

“You okay?”

“Err…yes, just trying to think how I can help both of you down. Maybe we can leave the kitten up here and I help you down and then I go back for it?” River was proud of the plan even if it did put him at risk twice instead of just the once.

“Just promise me you’ll go back up. She’s so cute,” she held up the furry little ball that promptly hissed at River. 

His eyes widened, as the girl hushed the kitten and told it be nice. That seemed unlikely. “Umm, yep precious.”

Orla rolled her eyes. “You’re such a boy.”

Given River’s interactions with girls at school were limited to group projects, he didn’t know what to make of that statement, so he nodded in agreement. “Okay. Leave the kitten on the other side of you. She’s got claws, so she’ll be able to hold okay till I come back.”

“Promise?” Orla asked. 

“Yes, I promise. Do I look dishonest to you? I mean I came up the tree for you, right?”

“True…pinkie swear?” 

River wrinkled his nose. “If you insist…” 

Orla put her pinkie out towards River, he crooked his pinkie around hers and winced. Thank goodness the boys at school didn’t see him doing this – or his grandfather.

“Thank you,” she beamed. 

Placing the kitten to her right, she turned to River and somehow, very slowly and carefully, he guided Orla down the enormous oak tree, leaving her on the very lowest branch, so River could take the jump first so Orla could jump second and be caught by him. 

“You’re my hero – like in the Princess Bride,” Orla giggled, her cheeks flushing as River let go of her waist having just jumped into his arms. 

River could feel his own cheeks get hot as he avoided her gaze and hoped she’d assume it was from the exertion on a hot day. “Umm…sure, thanks!” River had no idea what she just meant, but assumed it was some fairy tale Disney stuff. 

As promised, River went back up the tree to fetch the kitten, who murderously hissed at him upon his return. “Okay, listen you – if you don’t want me to drop you while carrying you down, you have to stop being angry, understand?” He couldn’t believe he was trying to reason with a ball of fur. River saw Orla looking up at him from down below, he waved, hoping to reassure her and himself that this wasn’t an impossible task. 

River remembered some nature show he watched with his grandparents where the cheetah mother grabbed their cubs by the scruff of the neck, so he seized the hissing kitten’s neck and felt that extra skin to keep a hold of him. The little kitten hissed and looked positively possessed as River held him up and away from his body. How was he going to get this thing down without getting scratched up?

Very carefully, River tried to hold the kitten far enough away from his body, while trying to climb down one armed, which was becoming a challenge as the next tier down on the tree was much further apart than the other ones. River paused, thinking back to the fall when he was nine and took a deep breath as his heart pounded. He had to try to use both arms here, so he’d have to clutch the kitten under his arm. Closing his eyes, he moved the kitten against his side and quickly, but awkwardly made it to the next branch down. Just as River went to grab the kitten with his other hand, it lashed it’s tiny, but razor-sharp claws.

“Damn it!” he shouted. 

Angry red streaks appeared on the inside of his forearm. “Bloody cat!”

“Are you okay?” Orla shouted up.

“Fabulous.” 

“Boys,” Orla muttered.   

From that point onward, River quickly made his way down and on the last branch tossed the kitten into Orla’s awaiting arms. It instantly snuggled against her and mewed sweetly. River shook his head in disbelief. He made the final jump making a perfect landing.

“I’m so sorry she scratched you. Let me see?” she asked as she touched his arm to look.

River pulled back initially, but then let her see his forearm. “It’s fine. My Nan will clean it up.”

“Oh, you’re staying with your grandparents this summer too?”

“Um, yeah,” he lied. 

“My grandparents are just over there.” Orla pointed a stone farmhouse that looked similar to the one he lived in with his grandparents. “I can take you there. Gran wouldn’t mind.”

“Okay. I’m River by the way.”

“Oh, what a cool name. I’m Orla.”

“Thanks, Orla means princess.”

She giggled, “Yes, how did you know that?”

“I read it somewhere.” River didn’t want to admit he enjoyed reading random reference books in his grandfather’s library. His grandfather encouraged it as you could never know enough. 

Orla’s grandparents’ house while lovely felt less lived in and not as cosy as his grandparents’ home. Orla did the honours of cleaning up his scratches which made River feel particularly awkward, it wasn’t like when Nan cleaned them. Orla’s Gran gave the kitten a once over and deemed healthy and flea free. She also offered some Jaffa Cakes, but he declined when he noticed the time. 

River ran back home and burst through the garden door into the kitchen clutching his side. Breathing hard he noticed his Nan stared back at him with a concerned look on her face. 

“David, River is back!” she shouted. 

“Sorry, I was helping this girl with her kitten.”

“What?”

“Young man where have you been so long?” David asked as he entered the kitchen. 

“Your arm, love?” Nan asked touching his arm and inspecting it.

“The kitten scratched me. It’s fine, I was at the Murrays, that’s where the girl lives.”

“Oh, that’s right John said his granddaughter would be staying the summer. Is she pretty, River?” David asked with a sly wink.

River felt his cheeks flush. “Umm…”

“You’re embarrassing the lad, David. You’re too young for girls, love.” Nan smiled and pushed River’s fringe from his sweaty forehead. 

“I’m going to go upstairs to clean-up before dinner.”

“Of course, my boy and then you can regale us with your adventure,” David said.

************************

After dinner that night River tried to read the CIA World Fact Book but his mind kept wandering and he couldn’t focus. He tossed the book onto the bed and got up and went over to his desk.  Gingerly he picked up the postcard from his mum and stared at the message and then traced his finger over the word mum in a stupid attempt to feel closer to her. Annoyed with how silly that sounded even to himself he shoved the postcard under a nearby book. 

River walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out a tin biscuit box, flipping the lid he fished around for a photograph.  He found it towards the bottom of the box in between some handmade postcards his mum made for him when he was younger. The photo was from around the time he was four and his mum held him in her lap while she planted a kiss on top of his head with River happily grinning away. This was the last time he remembered feeling loved by his mum. Not long after he started at nursey school she started dating guys that invariably they ended up staying with and when River stopped being her priority. 

What had he done wrong to make her seek all these strange men’s company? Why hadn’t he been enough for her? Sure, he’d been clumsy and asked a lot of questions, but surly if his grandparents didn’t mind these things, why did his mum?

A soft knock sounded on the bedroom door and Nan peeped in. “Can I come in?”

River nodded.

“Are you all right?” she asked entering the room.

“Sure, the scratch is fine, don’t worry I put more antiseptic ointment on it,” River said as he forced a smile.

“I’m not worried about the scratches. I’m more concerned with how quiet you were all evening and the way you ran out of the house after you got the postcard from your mum,” Nan said looking at the photo River clutched.

“Why doesn’t she miss me, Nan?” River finally blurted out, tears pricking the back of his eyes. 

“Your mum was always a free spirit. I think she didn’t realize how restricting being a mum can be as you do lose yourself in the role. You didn’t do anything wrong, River,” Nan said taking River in a sideways hug.

River looked up at her as a tear escaped and ran down his cheek. “I did, I wasn’t enough for her. She doesn’t even write love mum on her cards. She can’t even pretend on a postcard,” River pulled away from his Nan’s embrace and threw the photo onto the floor. 

“I need to go…” River said rushing out the bedroom door and down the stairs and into the kitchen. The tiled floor cold under his bare feet, he clutched the sink, sobbing.

He heard his grandparents muffled voices rifling quickly back and forth, concern raising in his grandmother’s tone. River upset his grandmother, which was the last thing he meant to do as she’s meant everything to him since he arrived here unannounced and no doubt not wanted five years ago. 

River heard his grandad come up behind him, “My boy why didn’t you say you were upset about…well…about your mum?” David rested his hands on River’s shoulders and gave a gentle rub.

River sniffed. “I don’t want to be any trouble. You probably didn’t want me either but feel sorry for me.” River turned around, his tear streaked face looking up into his grandad’s eyes.

“Nothing could be farther from the truth, River. You’ve given myself and your grandmother so much purpose and joy. I mean really what would be looking forward to other than puttering around the garden and having yet another cup of tea, eh?” 

David stroked River’s cheek and smiled.  River hugged his grandad firm about the middle. “I love you, grandad,” River said. 

“I love you too, my boy.”  

[grimbunnies]

Hi! I love your gameplay posts, you immerse yourself in each neighborhood lore so well. I actually am having trouble with that because I’m trying to “fix” every “bad” situation I see. Do you have any tips for.. being less of a control freak I guess :D? Also, what theme fitting subhoods, downtowns, unis would you recommend for aondaneedles’ Oak Hill?

Hey! Thank you so much! This sweet message made my day.

First, I want to say that there's no wrong way to play, and if you're having fun with "fixing" the scenarios, that's really valid.

But since you're asking, I'm going to assume you want to spice up the stories a little, and I can offer my perspective and some additional tips that may help.

I'm also a big control freak tbh. The way I approach gameplay and storytelling is to get a really strong sense of who I think each sim is. I'll read their bio, look at their personality, their interests, and their relationships. I also take a lot of inspiration from other storytellers in the community, blending my favorite parts of their characterization of some of the premades. I'm not above nudging personalities, interests, or changing aspirations if I get a certain sense of sim's character that doesn't mesh 100% with how they were created. A good example of this is Herb Oldie. I always make him a Pleasure aspiration, not Romance, because my view of the Oldies is that they're adventurous and spontaneous and love to have a good time (especially together). Once I have a sense of their characters, I direct my sims to do things based on who I think they are. Sometimes I do make them do things based on their wants. I also make them do things based on the wants they don't roll (for instance, John and Jennifer Burb got divorced because they weren't rolling wants for one another, John was rolling wants for more children, and Jennifer wasn't). I also force the realization of some of their fears. So, for me, how I make my sims engage with the world is a combination of what they want, what I believe their personality to be, and what will cause them to experience ups and downs in their life. There's also the added randomness of ACR, but I generally haven't had that cause too much havoc for relationships. I know some simmers find ACR to be too much, but I keep a pretty tight leash on sims that I feel just wouldn't cheat, so it's mostly a tool for letting sims partner of their own volition when I don't direct them towards a match I'm shipping.

The other thing that I think can really help if you're wanting to add something new is Random Occurrence Scenarios (ROS). You might have seen this done by other simmers, but this is basically a way to randomize some events that can happen to a specific sim or household. You use this tool in combination with a ROS file. Lots of simmers have posted their files and/or what's in them... here are just a few. I find that the scenario you roll can cause you to have to consider how to make it work within the story, or think about how other sims would react, or put sims in a new situation that gets you as a player out of your comfort zone. I usually use ROS when I don't have a plan for a given household in a rotation. I can get inspiration, or something really dramatic might happen. And the great thing is you can still have a measure of control, because no one is going to judge you if you say "nah, I don't like that scenario for this family," but it also invites you to go, "I didn't think about this as a potential event, but I'm going to roll with it and see what happens." It's that little push to, like I said, put you out of your comfort zone.

For Oak Hill, I've currently only thought about adding Riverblossom Hills (I'm actually in the process of prepping those families to add them to the rotation). I think it's a great addition due to the similar vibes and the potential for plantsims in play alongside witches and werewolves. I don't have great suggestions for uni or downtown. To be honest, I've only ever used Downtown (or rather @katatty's makeover) in neighborhoods that aren't Nowhere County. In Nowhere County, I use Copperhead City. So, for me, if I added a downtown to Oak Hill, it would just be the Downtown (an empty version). I don't often play uni, and I don't think any of them fit the vibe of the neighborhood perfectly, but people can go to college anywhere, so my suggestion would be think about which sims you think would go to college and what sort of school they'd want to go to. I personally feel like most of the teens in Oak Hill give me state school vibe, so I'd attach SSU. Alternatively, because I added Riverblossom Hills, Jules O'Mackey gives me major fancy liberal arts school with a slight European vibe, and that's Académie Le Tour in my book. It also comes down to if I want to add sims or not. I'm more likely to download an empty university if I just want my teen sims to get that experience together and with randomly generated dormies, but if I have ideas for how the premade YAs fit into a neighborhood, I'm more likely to add a premade uni.

I hope some of this is helpful for you! Once again, I really appreciate such a thoughtful message.

[beigetiger]

Kind of a continuation of this post, but I want to talk about fascism in Skulduggery Pleasant and how it’s handled, especially since it’s so relevant to our world at the moment (escapism through books? Never!) and because my interest has been captured by the way that this series clearly lays out impacting factors, where everything comes from, how it gets worse, and so on. Lot of stuff to handle, and I’m actually going to try and organize this beforehand instead of just vomiting words into my phone. I’ll also give you all the text cut of mercy.

I might have mentioned this before, but phase 2 (and by the looks of it, phase 3) depict and focus on fascism within their societies. There are several examples of this in phase 2 alone.

For example, Mevolent is introduced back in Kingdom of the Wicked, but the reality of living in a society ruled by him is most properly shown in Seasons of War. His society seems almost perfect for the sorcerers that live within it, but that’s only because those who didn’t fit the mold perfectly were killed. He has thought police and is personally able to track what his subjects are thinking about. And, of course, the Leibniz sorcerers dehumanize, oppress, and enslave their mortals because it’s all they’ve ever been taught to do. This particular flavour of society is probably least reflected in our current society of all the examples that I’m going to talk about, so I’m not too stressed about this one.

There’s also Martin Flanery, the very unsubtle stand-in for Trump. I’m mid about him as a character, but I think the series did a good job showcasing the difference between Creed, who’s calm and calculated and takes advantage of his follower’s rage, and Flanery, who feels and acts upon his rage just as much as any of his followers, while also showing that Flanery is still a threat. His lack of calculation doesn’t make him an easier opponent to defeat, it just makes him more of a wild card. And his soldiers are very much a reflection of this as well. Flanery’s soldiers use Splashes to become stronger but often have roid rage as a result, and they constantly get into fights and kill each other, causing incredible collateral damage in the process. The cops who worked under Creed, on the other hand, tended to be a lot colder, sneakier, and all-around more strategic, reflecting the climate that they’re thriving in. This isn’t just limited to Flanery, but this series also does a really good job at depicting the sheer idolization that these literal fascists are regarded with by their subjects and how it effects others.

But enough of that, I’m now going to talk about the whole reason I decided to write this stupid thing: Roarhaven and sorcerer culture as a whole.

Roarhaven post LSoDM has a whole bunch of factors impacting it and it’s social development, but one of the more major ones is sorcerers finally being given a place to be themselves and develop their own culture as opposed to just adopting whatever the mortals are currently doing. Sorcerers didn’t really have much of an individual culture for hundreds and hundreds of years because they intentionally repressed themselves so that mortals wouldn’t find out about them and possibly try to fight them. There was some slight amount of culture in places like when Roarhaven was a tiny village or those streets that are entirely owned by sorcerers, but those places were often bitter and in poverty in order to make themselves go under the radar, and so would only have offered comfort to certain kinds of sorcerers who just want others that they feel understand them.

But although the Sanctuaries may agree that silence and repression of diversity is the correct way to go about their lives, it’s extremely clear that there are many sorcerers who disagree with that (see Mevolent and his followers) and it’s clear that the Sanctuaries never bothered to stamp these disagreers out entirely as Mevolent did to his, only punishing them if they tried to reveal themselves to the mortals. This left these people alive to spread their ideologies to others.

And as I said earlier, the war that covered nearly the entire planet and was somehow kept from mortals for hundreds of years is also a huge factor for sorcerers. Between that and the inter-Sanctuary war, nearly the entire sorcerer population is a war veteran who was stood witness to or even committed absolutely sickening acts that will haunt them for the rest of their lives. They have nearly nothing resembling actual functional therapy and PTSD is probably incredibly common among the population. The Corrival kids, the ones too young to have been in war, have had to grow up in these environments and being raised by these people, and we see so clearly in phase 2 just how much generational trauma impacts people and ruins uncountable numbers of lives. Sorcerers also pretty much never die of old age. A select few of them live to be old, yes, but even they always die violently. There is no peaceful or happy ending for sorcerers, their lives are dark from the beginning through to the end, even to the point where the knowledge that they’re going to die acts as a comfort instead of a curse.

The sorcerers have also watched mortals commit countless genocides and acts of horrific discrimination and destruction and have been unable to do anything about it due to this idea enforced by their governments that they cannot interfere with the affairs of mortals, and that the mortals must simply learn to be better on their own. Hell, a lot of sorcerers have probably been directly impacted by these genocides, and their friends were probably tormented by the fact that they could do nothing about it. And due to their lack of culture and overall opportunity to do these things over the years because of the war, many of the sorcerers (especially the students who weren’t soldiers) start to feel just a little too good about themselves and their people, pointing out that they’ve never done things like that while failing to realize that the reason they’ve never really done that is because they’ve never been given an opportunity to do so.

And of course in modern times, there are issues like climate change, impending war, and increasing discrimination that sorcerers still aren’t allowed to do anything about despite living in the same world and still being impacted by, leading to a sort of “I wonder if things would be better if we were in charge”, as discussed often by Corrival kids and sometimes the Sanctuary workers. They’ve all heard of Dimension X of course, but those who don’t straight up agree with what Mevolent was doing either justify the thought by claiming that they’ve seen his mistakes and could do it better (introspection, anyone?) or, in the case of people like Valkyrie, just shake off the thought and tell themselves that it would never work out in practice.

And how sorcerers view mortals, even the supposedly good sorcerers, is also an important thing to consider here. There are, of course, sorcerers like Nefarian who have a cartoon villain view on mortals and think of them as little more than cattle, but there are more nuanced ways of thinking about mortals that are still not actually that great. In HBL, Ghastly talks about how he’s worse than mortals because he’s been given this gift that elevates him to some status above them, and yet also chooses to compete in wars for seemingly no end. And that’s the thing, this way that he subtly thinks of mortals as simple creatures who don’t understand the glory of the world as he does, who’s actions are understandable because how could they ever know better?

I also think that Valkyrie’s perception of mortals is fascinating because of how we get to see it evolves over time. When Val is fourteen or so, she actively rejects the term “mortal” because she sees it as dehumanizing and elevating of the sorcerers to a higher status. But as she grows older and becomes more attached to sorcerer society as opposed to mortal society, she stops complaining about the term and begins to adopt that mindset that so many other sorcerers have of almost being a shepherd. Instead of protecting mortals for the sake of keeping other people safe, it sometimes feels more like a duty to keeping the livestock alive more than anything else, and she actively refers to mortals as bumbling fools who get themselves killed unnecessarily in HBL.

Now, this is where Roarhaven as a city actually starts to come into play. After all, it lends sorcerers an entire city away from the prying eyes of mortals, and there’s nothing that actually makes them go back to interact with them. They can just live in the city forever and have all the resources they need. But spending so long away from and never interacting with the mortals they’re supposed to protect leads to disconnection with them from the sorcerers. The sorcerers see their city as cleaner, nicer, more organized, and overall better than anything the mortals could possibly create. Sorcerers live longer lives, are more open-minded, are stronger and capable of doing more, and so they must be better than those foolish mortals who become more close-minded as they get older.

And of course the Sanctuary is supposed to disagree with this sentiment (emphasis on supposed), but it doesn’t really matter because the Faceless Ones worshipers who have been saying this for hundreds of years and haven’t been stamped out by the government get to spread this idea around to their fellow citizens, who refuse to go back and actually reconnect with the mortals. It’s like how fast transphobia spreads among those who don’t actually know any trans people; the lack of ability to disprove the information and ideas you are being given causes them to become real to you.

And now for the children, who have less life experience and even less memories of mortals than the adults do. The students are easy to leave imprints on, and we’ve already seen how even the best intentioned kids express some anti-mortal sentiments. They know that their world is dying and it’s the mortals faults. They’ve grown up in this world being told over and over that they are better and wiser than mortals, and have been taught by their parents and by each other to view mortals as mayflies. Nothing more than insects. Even people like Omen wondered if maybe things would be better if they simply took over. Quietly took the world off the mortal government’s hands and into their own, where their everlasting wisdom can lead them to a better future. Because the kids don’t remember what the war was like, and it leads them to be disconnected from their parents. And that leads them to find affirmation among each other instead, at a boarding school where they almost never see their families and where even the teachers will indulge in anti-mortal sentiments. It’s such an easy rabbit hole for them to fall into, especially since Roarhaven hasn’t developed any sort of system to keep the kids up to date with the world and politics outside of Roarhaven, and so they just learn from each other.

And the reason that Roarhaven’s government isn’t able to do much about the children turning towards fascism is because the government kind of sucks. They have this idea that they don’t need things like lawyers because they have mind-readers and lawyers are a measly mortal invention while failing to consider the fact that lawyers exist to make sure that rights are being followed. Except that I’m not actually sure that the sorcerers have anything like rights outside of loosely following what mortals have, since police brutality seems incredibly common and the cops seem allowed to just do whatever they please. They also have nothing like a democratic system and their top governors can be easily put under influence by someone with money (e.g. China and Damocles).

There’s definitely more I could say to point this out, but I think it’s already clear enough (hell, it’s even discussed in the series itself) that the Sanctuary’s current government system is corrupt, outdated, and leaves room for dictators and fascists to take over and for the people to continue harming each other with no end in sight and needs to be replaced with something that would allow sorcerers as a whole to grow from the trauma that has brought them ruin for hundreds of years and maybe even finally help to create a better world for everyone.

[greenfiend]

humbert humbert anon here

i saw that you reblogged henrysglocks response my my initial ask and i appreciate their response, but when i sent that ask to you i was especially looking for the perspective of someone whos not a henry stan to get answers from both sides.

you said youre not an expert but i disagree. a lot of your posts are really good and i think you could do costume stuff a lot of justice. anyway if you fully agree with henrysglock that’s cool but i was definitely looking for multiple perspectives on the topic.

Honestly, it means a lot that you want my perspective! That’s really flattering of you to say. I will do my best here for you. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m very much a “big picture” thinker, so I always try to connect why certain decisions are made and how it affects the main message of the entire story.

Which is: All you need is love

My post where I explain the exact way that Mike and Will’s love has been set up this whole time to save Hawkins talks A LOT about this. Click here <- for that post.

I kind of go back and forth a bit when it comes to Henry/Vecna’s role in the story. I feel like there’s still a lot left for us to discover. One thing is for sure though: killing him is not the answer. This isn’t the type of show for that. This show is about how choosing love is always going to be an opinion… no matter how far gone someone might be… it’s never too late to turn things around. This is what is going to happen with Henry. It has to be.

I know many scoff at the idea of a redemption arc. Labeling him as an irredeemable villain, diagnosing him as a person with Psychopathy/Anti-Social Personality Disorder (which is a whole other issue that I won’t go into here) etc. I know people these days are quick to “cancel” others for their bad deeds and not allowing them to grow and I hate it… I hate it so much. I guess it really hits home for me personally too because my job involves working with people who have extreme trauma and dark pasts. People who fall in between the cracks of society. Those are looked down on and judged the most. I always hold onto to hope that they can turn their lives around… there’s nothing I’d love to see more.

I will explain my current thoughts on his role in the story here though and how you may be right regarding his costume being a nod to a predatory character.

Cycles

So, I do agree with Henrysglock about Brenner’s style appearing a tad more like Humbert’s. Which makes sense. Brenner is definitely a predatory character! He exploits children for his own gain, and has CSA imagery surrounding him. Brenner preys on Henry, without a doubt. The First Shadow really shows us this. And Henry? He represents determinism. He believes it is inevitable that he will become a monster like Brenner- so he does. He preys on children too, but in a different way. He becomes his “papa”.

Looking more into Humbert’s style… there’s another character I noticed bares a resemblance. Lonnie.

Lonnie is a predator as well. He dated a teenage Joyce while he was 25, then decided he would prefer “the younger model” aka… Jonathan and Will… Now. I do believe that Lonnie became Will’s father (he isn’t Will’s biological dad…)- just like Humbert became Lolita’s father as well. Which… 🤢

I don’t think Brenner nor Lonnie will turn things around though. They choose to be monsters. Henry will choose to be human again, and his love for his sister and father will probably play a major role in his decision. That’s probably why we haven’t seen much of Henry’s dynamics with his sister or father yet.

Thank you for your ask!

[emelinstriker]

Hi there, hope you’re doing okay! I was cleaning out my closet when I found a bunch of old stuff and it got me thinking… Do our boys keep everything we give them even after we’re gone? I’m just imagining them carefully cleaning the necklaces and trinkets their previous masters have given them like once a week to make sure they stay shiny. Making sure to dust the rock collection they’ve built up over the centuries every so often. Or trying to preserve crumbling letters and notes gifted to them so they can remember every version of their masters handwriting. Or maybe they only really pay attention to the other gifts until their current master dies, allowing them to not focus on just one person but everyone that came before.

Are they even allowed to keep whatever a previous master gave them, or does someone take them away? Do our champions ever think about their previous masters when they are serving a new one? Would MK accidentally forget in those first few days of finding us and call their new master by a different name? Would Mink be the only one who remembers every master that came before? Does he have a secret section of the scroll where he preserves the memory of the masters he had gotten particularly close to or begrudgingly respect?

Ooo long list of questions requires a long post for responses-

Oh, they absolutely keep items their previous Masters owned.

Maybe not all of it, especially when a previous Master was more of a hoarder, but they do actually keep at least one item per Master as a memory. Maybe some other little things they individually keep in their own rooms when it's a Master any of them were really attached to.

But like, there is actually a room with certain items that they can always return to if there is a Master they do indeed miss. Each item represents one of their Masters, basically. It's like a collection that's become more of a shrine over time. And given how very different Masters/Readers can be, every different item tells its own story of who they were.

The palace didn't even have such a room at first, but one room was eventually dedicated to those reincarnations after Wukong and Macaque broke down due to the first death of a Master.

By default, the champions dedicate a lot more time on the items from previous Masters if they're still waiting for the next reincarnation to arrive, otherwise they're usually busy taking care of their current Master. Though if they're feeling reminiscent of a previous Master, most of them can be found inside said room. They're not exactly grieving long over the loss of another Master either. Because after having to witness the loss of multiple incarnations, even the newer champions kind of became numb to it.

Also, much like the torture chamber, they don't usually tell their Master about the room. Mainly out of fear that it might make them uncomfortable or even disturb them in some way. Another thing to note is that the items in that room are actually one of those things the champions would absolutely refuse orders on.

Like, if a Master for example finds out about the room and wants them to get rid of the items, they simply would not comply. They may get an urge to follow said orders as usual due to the bond, but they're not forced to actually follow up on it. And given that those are very much sentimental items, especially regarding Masters they may have been romantically involved with, or extremely attached to in a platonic sense, they'd be very much determined on keeping those items around.

If not for the memories or relationships, then for the respect they hold towards those previous Masters. (Though, I would not cross out the idea that there could've been at least one Master they absolutely agree with and therefore refuse to keep items from them.)

MK accidentally calling the Reader by a different name for a while at first could actually happen, but it would require him to even use their name in the first place. Usually he just calls them "Master" by default. So unless he was mostly calling them by their actual name in the previous incarnation, this wouldn't really happen. What I could also imagine is him having accidental slip-ups with nicknames.

Also oooo I like the idea of Mink having something to remember a previous Master by- Especially if he had a strong attachment to them. I'd like to imagine that if that Reader was in the Scroll of Memory before, he could absolutely find an area in there that they used to hangout in and just replicate a scene he enjoyed to remember them by- fhgnfghfnhg But if he just respected them, he wouldn't do that.

Pretty sure he would keep that a secret though, considering he'd rather keep up his attitude than have to admit that he does actually go soft for a handful of certain Masters/Readers. Like, he'd deny ever being sentimental over those certain memories.

[mywitchyblog]

Should I go to Etsy ?

Alright, here’s the real tea. Should I go full Etsy witch and set up shop for my tarot readings? Or am I better off keeping things as they are—intimate, personal, and powered by vibes (and, let’s be real, y’all’s support)? I need your opinions, because this decision is giving “Mercury retrograde indecisiveness.”

So here’s the situation. I’ve been offering tarot readings for a while now. If you’ve booked with me, you know the deal: my spreads are designed for shifters, seekers, and anyone trying to untangle their life (or their journey to a Desired Reality). My readings aren’t fluff—they’re honest, intuitive, and grounded in connection. Right now, you choose a spread, donate through my Ko-Fi, and I channel your energy into a reading that actually resonates.

It’s a system that works. But... would it work better on Etsy? That’s the question.

The Etsy Allure

I mean, let’s be real. Etsy is the place people go when they’re looking for metaphysical services. It’s already packed with folks shopping for tarot readings, shifting tools, and everything spiritual. Having a shop there could bring me more visibility—no more relying on reblogs, word of mouth, or people randomly stumbling onto my Tumblr posts. Instead, I’d be right there in the marketplace, where people are already in the mindset to buy what I’m offering.

And then there’s the professionalism factor. Etsy has a certain polish to it. A storefront there might make my readings feel more “official,” like I’m running a legit business instead of just vibing in my little internet corner. That could attract new clients who might not have trusted a DM-based operation. Plus, Etsy’s tools—automated receipts, order tracking, reviews—are kind of appealing. They’d streamline things and save me some mental bandwidth.

But here’s the thing: it costs $14 to even open an Etsy shop. Fourteen bucks. That might not sound like a lot, but for me, a broke college student whose financial situation is as real as Bigfoot sightings, it’s a hurdle. I literally don’t have that right now. If I want to make this leap, I’d need to sell a reading just to afford the entry fee. Like... anyone want to sponsor my little tarot empire? Buy a reading and help me get this shop off the ground?

The Not-So-Glamorous Side of Etsy

Of course, it’s not all sunshine and crystals. Etsy takes a lot of fees. There’s a listing fee for every service you post, transaction fees for every sale, and advertising fees if you want to promote your shop. Those costs add up, and they could eat into the already small profits I’m making.

And then there’s the energy of it all. I love that my current system feels personal. When you book a reading, it’s a one-on-one connection. I get to learn about your journey, your struggles, and your hopes. It’s intimate. Would Etsy keep that vibe intact, or would it make things feel... transactional? Like, would it still feel magical, or would it start feeling like I’m just running another side hustle in the gig economy?

Also, let’s not ignore the fact that Etsy has a lot of gimmicky energy in its metaphysical section. For every genuine reader, there’s someone selling $5 “instant soulmate spells” or “manifest money overnight” nonsense. Do I really want to throw myself into a pool with that energy? Would it cheapen my work to be associated with that kind of marketplace?

Practical Concerns

The other big question is: would I even want the potential flood of clients Etsy could bring? Tarot readings take time, focus, and energy. They’re not something I can rush. If the Etsy algorithm decides to favor me (unlikely, but let’s dream big), would I get overwhelmed? Would I burn out trying to keep up with demand? I’m already balancing college, life, and this side hustle. Would scaling up make me miserable? Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that I’m not willing to compromise the quality of my readings just to churn out more orders.

Where Do You Come In?

This is where I need you—my community, my people. You’ve supported me so far, trusted me with your energy, and helped me grow into the reader I am today. So I’m asking: what do you think? Is Etsy the right move? Would it help me reach more people who need my work, or would it just complicate things? Have you ever bought a tarot reading on Etsy? Did it feel magical, or did it feel like you were just adding something to your cart?

And if you’re a reader yourself, spill the tea. Do you have an Etsy shop? Is it worth it, or do you regret it? What’s the reality of running a spiritual business on that platform?

Oh, and one last thing: if you do think I should open an Etsy shop but feel like I’m being held back by that $14 fee (spoiler: I am), here’s your chance to make it happen. If even one of you books a reading with me, I could use that money to finally set up my shop. So, if you’ve been on the fence about getting a reading, now’s the perfect time. Not only will you get some cosmic guidance, but you’ll also be helping me take this next big step. Win-win, right?

Anyway, let me know your thoughts. I’m all ears, and I really do value your input. Should I take the Etsy leap, or am I better off keeping things right here, cozy and low-key? Let’s chat.

[tomatoland]

Top making progress with his PTSD and fire trauma & TopMew complementing not completing each other

So I've actually had PTSD and the fire scene is actually really important in showing that Top is making progress with his. He is able to recall the fire from his childhood without re-living it. This is a significant step in progress.

Someone without PTSD can remember a past stressful or traumatic event. They might also remember how they felt at the time, certain smells, who said what, specific details, etc.

But someone with PTSD can get lost in that moment, they start to re-live it. There is a physical, emotional and chemical reaction beyond their control happening in their body. They start to react to stimuli that are not there in the present. To them, it is happening again. Even if they rationally understand that their physical present-day body is safe, their brain does not. It can be extremely difficult to separate the past with the present because it feels so real.

It's an incredible amount of physical and mental stress to put your body through. And Top experienced this for YEARS. All of his symptoms are classic PTSD symptoms and honestly, it boggles my mind how long it went on for.

In my post about Top's wounded inner child, I talked about how Top has actually been putting a LOT of self-work into healing his inner child and his fire trauma. His relationship with Mew is what sets this all into motion.

"POV" by Ariana Grande is a song that I always think of as being Top’s song and how Mew makes him want to be a better man.

Before Mew, nobody ever demands anything from Top beyond what he presents as "Top Tier." They take him at face value only: appearance, wealth, charisma and don't ask anything more. And Mew for the first time in Top's life does. Mew who doesn't emphasize how hot or wealthy Top is, if anything those were marks against him when they first started dating. Mew wanted to get to know Top, the real Top not just what he presented as "Top Tier."

For Top, having Mew be there, having Mew believe in him makes Top feel brave. And that helps him push through and deal with the current crisis. The incident could have easily re-triggered Top.

I really like that Mew says that this is all Top. Mew doesn't want Top to disregard his own efforts. It puts the emphasis back on self.

TopMew's relationship is not co-dependent. They complement each other, they don't complete each other. They are two people who are on individual life journeys, but who are choosing to go on those journeys together.

I’m going to end this post with some parallel shots for baby Top who was so very alone, but who isn’t anymore. 💕

#topmew forever