#might have a little more grace when it comes to doubting the characters words as always truthful or always well informed

[shorthaltsjester]

when people think delilah just completely takes over and laudna has no control. when people think jester is just an uwu child who has been manipulated by every man she’s met. when people think vex is an empty husk of daddy issues without her brother by her side. when people think fjord is an arrogant asshole who doesn’t pay attention to the party around him. when people think scanlan saying that vox machina doesn’t care about him is an accurate assessment.

[inlovewithgreta]

Heya! i was wondering if you could do a Captain Phasma x f!reader fic? Maybe a little bit of spice? It could be any plot btw! (Captain Phasma is one of Gwendolines characters! :))

Space Racing - Captain Phasma x Fem!Reader

Summary: Phasma distracts you in the most best way possible.

Warnings: Praise, oral sex (r!receiving), fingering (r!receiving), I think that's it!!

Word Count: 1.6k

Taglist: @celasteria @shslbunnylover @bellatrixsbrat

© Do not copy, repost, or modify any of my works.

"Sometimes I worry about your flying skills," your lover admitted, after her head hit the back of her seat when you increase your speed.

"It's not my flying skills that you need to worry about." You were smiling from ear to ear. You never got the chance to fly, but when someone bets you to a race, Phasma had no choice but to tag along.

Knowing you would've gone with or without her permission..

You heard her take in a sharp breath, unsure of if it was because of a passing asteroid that was a little bit too close or the subtle graze of your knee against her own.

"Oh?" She tilted her head. "And what is it that I need to worry about exactly?" She asked.

"Well, when I win this bet—"

"If you win the bet—"

"When I win, I'm going to have so much fun making you pay for ever doubting me."

Phasma quickly rolled her eyes in a playful manner.

"Once I have you on your knees, you'll have no choice but to beg for my forgiveness," you teased.

"And what would you make me do?" She knew it would never happen, but alas she was curious what your mind would come up with.

"I'll have to feel it out once the moment comes of course.. but, one thing's for sure is I will not let you up until I am entirely satisfied."

"You sound awfully sure of yourself, sweetheart. But your friend here might just give you a run for your money and beat you." She pointed to the ship on your left, slowly passing you.

Your concentrated face had Phasma admiring you. She loved the way your eyebrows knitted and the bottom lip that got pulled in to be bitten by your teeth.

Her hand curling around the back of your neck almost broke your focus. But now was not the time to be distracted. You had a bet to win.

Her gesture was light yet possessive, sending an immediate shiver down your spine as her fingers toyed with your hair.

"Phas..." you mumbled, trying to stay focused.

Instead of removing her hand, she allowed her fingers to leave your hair to trail along the side of your throat. In a slow, teasing manner.

Your eyes flicked to the woman sitting next to you, but she tutted and shook her head.

"Keep your eyes straight ahead, princess."

You let out a deep breath, attempting to focus. It was hard to ignore the fingers that left a fiery trail across your skin. When she dipped them lower, you couldn't help the gasp that escaped.

With an agonizing slowness, Phasma soon went low enough to trace the upper swell of your breasts...then even lower down your body. Another gasp fell past your lips when she went even farther to trace your nipple through your shirt.

"Not so sure of yourself winning, now are you?" She asked, knowing how much your teasing was easily distracting you.

You hadn't noticed how far she leaned in, lips just barely gracing the shell of your ear as she spoke. Her voice was lustrous and deep, and her lips were soft and light.

"I don't think this is what I had in mind when I let you accompany me."

"You think you let me accompany you? Oh darling, you have it all wrong." Phasma teased the edge of your bra.

You knew exactly where this was headed, and you eagerly awaited her next moves. You couldn't help but shiver in anticipation as she grazed your nipple once more before rolling it between her fingers.

"You okay, love?" She smirked, teasing you to her best ability. She knew the effect she had on you. How hot and bothered you easily got.

You silently nodded your head, not trusting your voice at a time like this. Where you knew you would be shaky and breathy.

Phasma put a warm, comforting hand on your knee to give you some time to recover from her hands on your breasts. But she knew exactly what she was doing.

Her hand only temporarily stalled, only moving to inch it higher up your inner thigh.

"Phas, please..." You truly couldn't take anymore, all the teasing, the touches, the sultriness in her voice.

Her hand reached your center, fingers teasing you even more through your clothes. You couldn't help but gasp from the touch.

"Imagine if they could see you right now..." Phasma increased the pressure, forcing you to buck you hips against her hand in a desperate attempt for more friction. "Trying to get yourself off on my hand while you attempt to beat your silly little friends in a race that you're no longer participating in."

You had finally reached a point that you couldn't take anymore of her taunting and teasing. You pulled the ship to a stop and turned to face your smirking lover.

"No more teasing. I need you. Right now." Your eyebrows were knitted and lips were down in a faux pout, leaving Phasma to let out a deep, husky, laugh.

You grab the blonde by the front of her shirt, glad she was not wearing her usual suit. You pulled her into a deep, hard, demanding kiss. Phasma matches your energy immediately, tongue sweeping into your mouth.

You try to undress her, but you bump into the steering wheel. With a huff, you pull the lever to move your seat back. Phasma is quick to kneel in front of you, pulling your pants down eagerly.

"How's this?" She asks, placing a gentle kiss on your knee.

"Much better.." You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth. "But I'd like to see more of your skin too."

The blonde smiled, before unbuttoning her top and revealing her white bra that looked angelic with her milky skin.

"That's more like it."

Phasma reaches up to cup your face, pulling you into a passionate kiss. You hum when her soft lips demand your own.

You feel breathless when she pulls away, to make her way back down your body. Your legs spread wider to make room for her. Adrenaline pumps through your veins as Phasma pulls your panties down your bare legs.

"This excites you, doesn't it?" She asks with a teasing tone. "Imagine someone looking inside our window here. Me between your legs, fucking this pretty pussy of yours right out in the open."

"Yes, I love it," you admitted. Phasma runs her hands up and down your curves, before flicking her thumb across your clit.

"You like it when I touch you like this too, huh?"

Her touch left sparks in their wake, sending a longing straight to your core as she circled your button.

"Yess..." you bucked your hips. "But I like it more when you use your mouth." You tug at her blonde locks, urging her head forward.

She takes the hint, and places a small, light peck to your center. A small hum left your lips, finally getting what you've been craving most.

"I love when you take what you want from me," she mused.

Her long pointer finger gathered your slick around your entrance before slipping inside you. As you gasped from the intrusion, Phasma didn't wait to insert her middle finger.

"Yess, Phas..." You let your body relax as your lover started her slow pace.

"Tell me how you want me, and I'm all yours." Between her accent, big blue eyes gazing up at you, and her fingers inside your cunt, you didn't know which one made your pussy throb more.

"I want you exactly like this. Between my legs. Using your fingers and that pretty mouth of yours to fuck me."

Phasma nods with a smirk, "I may have a pretty mouth but this pussy is a whole lot prettier, my love." Her mouth reaches your clit, and you gasp.

"Yess..." Your head falls back against the seat while your lover fucks you. With a free hand, she reaches up to tuck a hand underneath your bra to cup your breast.

Fingers toyed with your nipples while the others fucked your pussy with long, feverish strokes that had your breathing growing heavy.

She pushes her finger knuckle deep, and you let out a long, loud, pornographic moan. The overwhelming onslaught of sensations had you seeing stars. And not the ones that were outside the window.

"Gods, that feels so good.."

Phasma slows down to give you a moment to catch your breath... only to then slowly bring her pace back up. Every stroke, and thrust of her fingers had you moaning out in pleasure.

She does it over, and over, and over again. Slowing down, just to pick up her pace all over again. Her lips were wrapped around your button, and with each hum from the blonde, you bucked your hips.

The hand on your breast twists and pulls at your nipple. The pain from her pinches mixed beautifully with the pleasure between your legs. Gazing down however, was the last straw for you.

Big blue eyes were still gazing at you, almost undressing the rest of you with her eyes. The sight was plain out filthy, and the sounds coming from your wet pussy as you came, had her letting out another hum as your juices dropped out of your used hole.

"Phasma!" Your body felt numb, as your orgasm ripped through you. The cramped space from the seat had your body closing in tightly around the blonde.

As you were finally able to catch your breath, Phasma slowed her movements little by little. She wanted to elongate your orgasm as long as possible, but still ensuring you weren't overstimulated.

"I hope they don't think we got lost," you laughed, suddenly remembering why you were there on the ship in the first place.

Phasma leaned up, to pull you into a deep, smashing, demanding kiss.

"Y'know, I can't bring myself to care about your little friends. All I care about right now is you.. and cleaning up this little mess you made." Phasma kissed your inner thigh before pulling away to grab anything within reach to clean you up.

And that's when you noticed the damp front side of her shirt and the small wet spot below you.

"Christ, Phas... what have you done to me?"

"Fucked you good, sweet girl. That's what I did."

She was gentle while cleaning you up, and your heart was bursting with love. The last thing you ever imagined, was being treated like a Princess by one of the most badass stormtroopers you have ever met.

general masterlist | gwen masterlist | taglist

[dunmeshistash]

Hey im @holmsister tumblr is tumbling as usual.

About the Maizuru complaint and bad faith interpretation: I feel the same way about POC in this fandom. I didn't really engage in fandoms that have many canon POC because most of my reading in the last years has been historical and classical European lit and nonfiction so like. The racism is baked into the source so to speak. AND im super white so im not going to try and speak out of turn. But moving into a fandom for a recent work of art in which there are important characters of colour has been... enlightening (derogatory). Also not naming names, but the way white characters are extended grace for things the POC are criticised extensively is... enlightening (derogatory). Maizuru, being at the intersection of being a woman and POC, is obviously going to get the brunt of it. Especially because yeah, she's not exactly a pleasant character - yeah, the way she treats the other retainers is not nice. But she is basically a sex slave. Like we can mince our words as much as we like, add in everything about how she is clearly being well-treated and not resentful, etc etc, but she's there to entertain Nakamoto and she can't say no if he comes to her room. All of her privileges are dependent on her pleasing him. That doesn't mean that she can't be abusive in her own right - but like. How old was she when she was taken in by Nakamoto? She's been around since Toshiro was little, remember? Hell, her obsession with being a good retainer with Toshiro might be a way to safely "escape" Nakamoto - after all, if she's following Toshiro around, she's not in her parlour waiting for his father's next visit, and if Toshiro, who has no interest in her, became the next head of the household, she would be allowed to live out her last years in peace. Like this is speculation of course, but it's based on what we know of the character in much the same way any other speculation is - I'm choosing to give her the benefit of the doubt the same way I do for example Laios choosing to join the army.

Sorry for the vent, it's just. The complexity of the characters is a good thing! Stop trying to find a bad guy, you're missing the point! (And showing your ass in the process). everyone has complex motivations!

Truly, people hate nuance and it seems like internalized misogyny and racism amplifies that.

I feel like at least for the racism one there's more awareness and people speak more about it? But I usually see misogyny arguments being dismissed a lot more so I got specially angy at it.

I guess I wanted to find a reason outside misogyny to justify how people treated these character's cause I've seen lots of people being mad about that before about other characters and even thinking myself "It's surely not that bad/widespread, this character is the one that sucks" but when you have a more general view of reactions it becomes painfully obvious.

Thankfully I didn't see the racism against Toshiro (maybe cause I barely post about him) but I can only imagine.

[popponn]

the ins and outs. [itoshi rin x reader]

notes: for some reason, i really have a hard time with writting rin. but in the end, he feels like a sincere person. so i think it's hard for me not to get soft on him. i want to write more of him. think of this as an attempt to imagine how he will love. headcanon-ish, character study-ish. gn!reader.

Rin loves in a very complicated way.

He loves deeply, yet there is always a trace of childishness in it. He loves silently, yet sometimes his actions speak so loudly it might be noted as ‘too much’ by some people. He loves in a way that is hard to understand by many, perhaps even by himself.

Rin’s heart is a rough, rigid thing that is very hard to slip into. But the moment you get inside it, your name and everything will be etched into it forever. And perhaps it’s because of that too, Rin is not exactly the most knowledgeable whenever it comes to feelings, emotions, and such as. There are very few things and even fewer people that he let into his life, so it becomes unsurprising to see him struggles to process something as soft and unpredictable like love.

There is a chapter in his life where Rin was filled with anger that resembles obsession. In a way, that part of him would always have remains. When that chapter came to a close and his life moves on to a chapter that is filled with a gentler kind of emotion, where a simple smile from you makes Rin wishes he is kinder—he reacts to it with a grace of a fish on a dessert.

It’s hard to miss it when he is interested in you—Rin’s insults and harsh comments lacking the bite they usually carry whenever it’s you, Rin bothering to listen to you without interrupting, Rin almost actively seeking out your company—whether by purpose or not, he is good and clear when it comes to giving the signal. His team is not exactly helping with their teasing and indiscreet attempted advices either. It’s so obvious it almost feels like seeing a middle school boy having his first crush.

But, it definitely starts really awkward. Rin genuinely tries to be kinder to you, yet the fact that he is a seasoned egoist that is very hard to approach and to socialize with still stand. For one, he gets jealous a bit too easily sometimes, all while having a hard time communicating with you. Combined with his tendency to spit out words that are both scathing and hurting, the first few steps with him is, without a doubt, really hard.

Nevertheless, once those first steps are done, it get much easier. Rin is a quick learner when he wants to be, especially when it comes to something or someone he has his focus honed into. Perhaps even faster than how you learn his, Rin will learn the rhythm to keep going with you. While it will take extra efforts to talk and get through him, the moment he gets it, it took him almost a terrifyingly short amount of time to know the dos and don’ts. Though, acting on them might take a little bit of time. Practice makes perfect after all.

And on communication, there might even be signs, which many people could easily miss, that act almost like a secret language between you and him. Rin glancing at you repeatedly during a conversation? He is getting uncomfortable. Rin staring at you silently somewhere private? He wants to be spoiled. Rin not responding whenever you get touchy with him? That’s his green light, go hug or hold him however you want, he is all yours. ‘Words’ are not exactly Rin’s expertise—and it might take him a pretty long time to learn—but, eventually, this is a man who is ready to give many, many things including his best for you.

Starting out with Rin is hard, but when he decides he is for you—he will do everything in his power to make sure it will be the best choice for both of you.

[the-head-ancho-chilli]

Demon Slayer Characters and if I Think They Can Walk in Heels

I SWEAR IM NOT DEAD

Now that I’ve moved into my new place, I’m just trying to get some stuff sorted out so apologies for the delay, I swear I’m working on your requests T_T

In the meantime, here’s this post that I finished a few days ago that I started during finals season

Enjoy!

Word count: 1.4k~

Part 1 (you're here!), Part 2 (coming soon), Part 3 (coming soon)

Modern au-ish...

Mitsuri Kanroji

She doesn't really wear heels unless she's going out somewhere

Mitsuri will wear heels if you take her to a club, a date, a restaurant, and any other nicer event

But honestly, she prefers running shoes!

They're convenient, comfortable, and they tend to match their outfits more often than not

Do not get me wrong, Mitsuri can definitely rock a pair of heels

I would say that the highest she can go is six inch heels and that's it

Anymore than that and she's wobbling

Mitsuri's favourite pair of heels is a knee high gladiator sandal that's all gold, and maube about 4-5 inches high?

It pairs lovely with her favourite dresses and skirts, especially when she's going out of her way to turn a few heads

I also think that she's the most graceful out of everyone here

Overall 9/10 she absolutely slays this

Obanai Iguro

He thinks it's stupid that he needs to clarify this at all

Can Obanai walk in heels? Without a doubt

Your next question should be if Obanai chooses to wear heels

And shockingly, he does

I think that Obanai will sometimes wear a two inch loafer heel just for some added height

Hella confident in them too, look at him go

Obanai will totally wear them to work, class, or anywhere he feels like putting on a little bit of effort into what he's wearing

I think on more fancier occasions, like a high end date or club, he might wear some pointed toe stilettos with a nice pair of slacks

Honestly he's not really one to exclude heels from his wardrobe, he's just weirded out by how fascinated people are on this topic

8/10, nailed it

Tengen Uzui

Do I think Tengen can wear heels? I know for a fact he can

But I just think that he never does because he can never find any in his size

Poor guy

To be fair, this man is fucking huge

I even have problems finding boots that fit my calves, deep down in my heart I know that Tengen has it so much worse

Cause even if he manages to find something that fits his foot, it might not fit the rest of his leg

He's actyally really devestated about it

All he wants is a nice pair of pumps to match Hina, Suma and Makio

And maybe a pair of lobster claws...

3/10, a slay in theory but not in practice

I WILL GIVE HIM THIS, if he manages to pay for a custom pair of heels, he will probably rival with Mitsuri in who looks the best in heels

Sanemi Shinazugawa

He says he can walk in heels

But I assure you, he cannot

I think that Sanemi is lowkey intimidated by the results of the other Hashira on this list and now he's in too deep to back down

So when asked if he can wear heels, he will lie to your face

"Obviously, you think I'm gonna allow a pair of shoes to get the best of me?"

Sanemi, you've got a big storm coming

All his machoness goes away the second that he puts them on

Why is he walking with his knees out...

He's not even wearing stilettos, no

Sanemi's wearing three inch cork wedges

They don't really suit his style so he'll never go out of his way to wear them

I think after embarassing himself like this, he's never going to want to learn how to walk in them

-2/10 Sanemi you fucked around and found out huh

Shinobu Kocho

Can absolutely strut in six inch heels no problem

I think that Shinobu wears heels often, especially if she's going to be out in public where she is certain she's going to encounter someone she knows

But I don't think she enjoys wearing them

In some way I think Shinobu wears heels on a semi-daily basis to compensate for her short stature

She wants to be on equal standing with others and in a way, this is her way fo tring to achieve that

Two inch boots aren't going to stop her from being taken seriously

She does try to find some light in her circimustance though

Her favourite pair are these cute mary janes, and she has another pair with a platform sole

So even if you see her wearing heels, please don't mistake that she finds them powerful to wear

It's more of a social thing really

7/10, I wish she had a better experience :/

Kyojuro Rengoku

I am going to say this as nicely as I can

Please be patient with him, he's learning T_T

He can still get to where he needs to go, he just looks a little unstable???

Kyojuro would really appreciate if you held his hand a little

Though I will say, he is enthusiastic about learning!

In a few months he can probably walk just fine in them

I don't think that he would wear them to work or on a date, but he might if he's going to a particular event where you try to look better than usual

Like a high end club or exclusive event, he'll probably wear something classy

I think his go to is wither a pair of corset heels or high blocks

Obanai is lowkey jealous because Kyojuro doesn't really need the extra hight

4/10, keep up the hard work :)

Giyu Tomioka

My first instinct was to immediately put Giyu on the 'Not Allowed' list

A hunch just told me that he would somehow cause more trouble if he wore any

But I considered it further and came to this conlcusion

Giyu can and will walk in heels, just nothing above three inches

He tried walking in four inch platforms and he was nearly tripping every two minutes

And if Tengen sees him exiting his apartment wearing them again he will not hesitate to put those things back where they came from

Giyu does like wearing heels though, even if he's not allowed to wear very high ones

Only wears them if he's going to a club though

His favourite pair is a professional looking pair of blue, beige and black slingbacks with a three inch heel

5/10, but he's walking on thin ice

Gyomei Himejima

I don't think that Gyomei could walk in heels smoothly, but he can certainly get from point A to B

He just can't do it gracefully

If Gyomei walks in heels, he won't ever admit that he's struggling and he'll insist that he's walking just fine

But he has his arms outstretched like he's walking on a tightrope

It's honestly just not his thing, and I don't think he would be able to incorporate it with his current wardrobe

Even if he had the desire to learn, I think he would hear the struggle that Tengen's going through and just give up

He already has to go on a lengthy search to find anything to fit him regularly, let alone a pair of heels

2/10 I can't say I would recommend this for him, no

Muichiro Tokito

You know those pictures of kids wearing their mom's heels?

And their foot barely fits in the shoe?

And they just look so awkwardly out of place?

That's Muichiro

Poor baby

I think he has some growing to do before he's going to learn how to walk in them

But Muichiro definitely wants to learn!

Given how his sense of style is usually baggy or loose fitting clothes, I can see him maybe going to Obanai for style advice in the future

Probably nothing high or flashy either, just probably a pair of classy heeled boots

I just don't think it's for him right now, at his current stature

Muichiro just looks a little bit out of place in them right now though...

1/10, maybe when you're a bit older buddy

꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚

Thanks for reading! I have two more parts of this prompt with the slayers and demons so I should be sending that out in a while. I’m also working on a Kyojuro request and I’m hoping to have it out soon, so stay tuned lovelies ^^

Also thank you all for 200 followers, I swear I’ll work harder so I can post more often! I’ll be working on some requests in the meantime :)

Asks and requests are still open, just please read the rules before submitting anything ;)

[willowedwisteria]

⁂~The Ends of Time~⁂

Summary -> Convincing the archons to take a break is so hard, they definitely like working.

Note -> I've definitely written about this... YEAH, I DEFINITELY HAVE. Just consider this an updated/different version. Variety is good

IF YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED IN MY TAGLIST: I mixed up the taglist for my "the system" series and my other works, please send me an ask to specify if you're okay with being tagged in my other works or if you want to be tagged specifically for my series

Featuring -> Zhongli, Baal, Venti

Genre -> fluff

Around a year has passed since you first arrived in Teyvat. From simply that, you've noticed how people have guarded you with such vigilance. Security is always a must when you go out, returning with a single scratch causes chaos, and these people really care for you.

They know so much. About baking your favorite cake - which you happened to have a debate with your friend about before you got suddenly transported. There's also the time they noticed how much wood you collected when you were still in-game using characters as if they've been watching how much time you used up to decorate the teapot.

However, you're sure they have to be tired or bored after being so loyal, for so long.

"Say," You stir around your tea lightly, "What's the point of staying by my side for so long? Morax and Barbatos - well, Zhongli and Venti now - you have already retired, have you not?"

You watch Zhongli frowns and Venti holds back his laughter.

"I can slightly understand why Ei insists on staying by my side. Even so, what's the purpose of all of this? Really, you all are just troubling yourself."

Ei purses her lips in response to your questions. Your words sink deeper into her mind, taking their time to fully soak in.

"How about this," The three of them turn their gaze back to face you, all waiting expectantly for you to retract your last statements, "You all go on a break.

Unlike the two panicking archons next to him, when Venti hears of a break, he feels not the slightest bit of panic. While yes, he'll definitely be disappointed - he won't be by your side after all! Who will he share all of his favorite apples with? Plus, you've always loved coming to the tavern with him! A moment without you feels like boredom.

He nods in respect to you, allowing you to catch it from the corner of your eye whilst both Ei and Zhongli are in denial. You give him a thumbs-up, smiling assuringly in his direction.

Venti turns away quickly, cheeks flushing up. it's a shame he won't be able to see that euphoric smile of yours for a while. The more he looks at it, the more he'll miss it dearly.

With that, he follows the trail of the wind, disappearing from your sight. You shout goodbye to him, and it might have been your imagination, but you're pretty sure the wind became much more gentle.

"That bard..." Zhongli and Baal are practically seething. How could he just escape like that and accept it so easily? Zhongli shakes his head, sighing to regain his composure in front of you. Baal, however, seems to be clutching her polearm... a little too tight.

"I suppose since he's already left, that means he agrees to your suggestion." Zhongli stares off in the direction of Mondstadt, "I... do not doubt your grace's ability to defend yourself, but it's impossible not to worry."

Zhongli's eyes furrow, visibly concerned.

You take a small sip of the recently brewed tea, "I can see that from how both of you are so insistent on staying by my side, but you both don't need to worry. I'm just saying to take a break from being by me, you can visit me once in a while."

Before relief can be dropped onto Zhongli and Baal, you continue.

"No taking up jobs to guard me."

It feels like an invisible blade strikes them.

"No more than 24-hour visits."

A huge rock is suddenly thrown onto their backs.

"And you have to wait for another 2 days before visiting me again."

Woah, when did they become so lifeless? They've practically grown wrinkles already! Jeez.

Zhongli bears it, gritting his teeth, "...Yes, your grace. I will see you... as soon as possible. However, I will be forced to disobey your orders if you are in any sort of danger."

You nod, "That's fine with me. As long as you have a valid reason."

With that, the geo archon turns his back to you and leaves silently. You hear a few boulders being smashed after he leaves, and you wonder if he had run into any trouble. Well, he's the geo archon, he's more capable than anyone you know. You're sure he's fine.

And now, to convince the last one.

Ei quietly bites her lip, not willing to look you in the eye. Just from her shaking fist, you could tell she was against this. "Ei, are you upset with me?"

Her head jerks up, opening her mouth to disagree. Her polearm fades from her grasp, both of Ei's hands interlocking in front of her as she tries to piece together her sentence.

"Your grace, not being here with you, not being able to protect you when you're in danger is... risky." Ei can't even begin to imagine how much despair will eat her from the inside out if you ever get hurt, "I will be there for you, forever."

You lean on the table next to you, already finished with your cup of tea, the bittersweet taste left on your tongue. "You've already been there for me, for so long already. As grateful as I can, taking a break is necessary."

Sighing, already missing the presence of both the geo and anemo archon, "You wouldn't want me to worry about you being overworked, would you? I'll allow Raiden Shogun, that puppet of yours to accompany me if you really are so anxious."

You laugh to yourself, already imagining the complaints from both of them when they see that you let "Ei" stay by you.

"You can start by going to see Venti and telling him about my rules for visiting. If you want to know where I'll be staying, I'm going off to Sneznhaya for a week. The next week, I'll be in Mondstadt."

You wave lightly to her, watching her pout. Switching from denial to acceptance, she bows to you and heads off to Mondstadt.

Ei

The electro archon throws herself into her work, trying to distract herself from thinking about you. Unluckily for her, she's surrounded by everything, and everything reminds her of you.

"Oh, those flowers, their grace would look good in that shade."

"My, the scenery, it's just as breathtaking as their grace."

"The hairclip... I wonder if their grace still has the other piece."

She can't help but miss you. She dreams of you, being by you, basking in your presence, ensuring you're always safe. Your words of gratefulness shove her onto her knees and she can't help but adore how you could be so... so... enchanting.

Ei misses you so much.

She had sent over her puppet and wondered if her son Scaramouche would be there for you. Though, it doesn't stop the back of her head from generating scenarios of you being in trouble without her.

Once she can visit you, she's practically been revived, upbeat as ever. Her usual unexpressive self around others switches, you could see that sincere grin from ear to ear on her face when she's with you.

You could practically read her thoughts and emotions, delivering her a box of desserts from outside of Inazuma and a note to comfort her.

Ei will insist that Yae travels over to ensure that you're okay and guard you. However, Yae spends that time gossiping with you, exaggerating jokingly about how much of a miserable state Ei is in currently.

Venti

He's been quite leisurely enjoying his holiday. Venti had nothing else to do now since he's put his trust in the people of Mondstadt to handle their own issues.

He spends his day exploring the woods, enjoying life, and spending his time at the tavern.

Venti knows that you know what you're doing, he won't be wasting his time off working overtime. He'll visit you the least out of the three, but you coincidentally see him more since you visit the tavern quite a bit as well - admittedly, he's drunk 99.9% of the time you happen to stop by.

Diluc mentioned to you when you drop by about Venti being more relaxed. "His tab is piling up and at a remarkable speed too."

You laugh, "I would pay it for him, but you wouldn't let me."

"I'm not letting you pay so much for someone who isn't even awake right now."

Dvalin also had a small chat with you! Saying about how Venti went through all 5 stages of grief in a day. No matter how laidback he seemed to be, when Venti's drunk, his emotions get amplified.

Denial was a rollercoaster, anger and bargaining were just a bunch of complaining, depression was just pouting angrily in the corner, and acceptance was Venti falling asleep.

"...How did he become an archon again?"

Zhongli

Zhongli does worry about you, but he uses his break as an opportunity to prepare something special for you. A gift perhaps? Celebrations? Who knows? He just wants it to be for you.

He found a bit of a loophole since you didn't mention anything about letters too. You didn't really notice or mind since it was thrown into the mountain of letters that other acolytes had sent to you when they wanted to check up on you. It would take a while before you finally reached his letter.

He'll leave Childe in your care, aware of his abilities when it comes to fighting. Perhaps the traveler will happen to be around as well. He's sure that the shield he left on you will protect you as well.

He spends most of his time with Hu Tao when he's in Liyue. He can't just make Mora appear again like he used to after all.

While Zhongli absolutely loathes with his whole soul how he can't be there for you and serve you, he feels a bit more fulfilled once he visits you. Oh boy, life without Zhongli handling things was chaotic though and he noticed that during his visits.

Things are a mess without our dear Geo archon around. Usually, orders are given by him from you. He covers up mistakes and his presence alone is reassuring enough for the maids and butlers to carry out their job without worries.

Without him, maids and butlers have to speak with you directly and receive orders from you. Some have been so astounded and entranced by you, so much so that they miss your orders or hear them wrongly.

Others have been so scared about making a mistake in your food or your orders that they can't even stand up. The maids and butlers have described Zhongli as an efficient leader, whilst they've described your company as powerful and captivating - so much so that they can't focus.

In other words, things are VERY messy. You'll allow him to return by your side soon.

(Riku is probably fine, he's slowly taking control of the situation at his own desired pace [Riku is my OC])

Tag list -> Taglist -> @under-a-starry-night, @yourfaveisblack, @bardisipatos, @callmemeelah, @kithewanderingme, @pale-value, @bamboowritess/@bamboowritess, @uchihaeirin, @karmawonders, @lunavixia, @anfre109, @ly-archives, @zuyoo, @pimacolada-lulu, @bimboing, @gallantys, @swaggyb0ke, @borbsbirbs, @shizunxie, @tiffthescales, @genshin-impacts-me, @keithsaccount, @mkaella, @mentallyunpresent, @alicehasdrowned, @franc-1-s, @no-regrets-just-confusion, @christmaspickl, @lunalily19

Special tags -> @is-very-sad, @chocoenvy, @raidengaile/@ly-archives/@simplygaile, @saigomo, @gunterdon, @emilemovhi, @lovelyy-moraxx, @demon-bane, @i-put-the-yan-in-polyandry, @xiaophilia/@ayayaxia, @thewindstale, @creation-magician, @my-white-canvas/@pale-value, @yuzuricebun, @ventivity, @sweetstrawberrybabe, @euthym1as, @lotterymology, @mx-kamisato, @matsutake-san

[sagau-my-beloved]

A Lack of Patience and the Fortunate Result, Part: 2

Warnings: general sagau

-

"Oh your grace~"

You opened your eyes, which you hadn't realized you even closed in the first place, at the sound of a foreign voice that happened to be eerily close to your ear. Catching sight of a figure out of the corner of your eye, you nearly jumped out of your skin before realizing it was just Venti.

'Just Venti', that was practically scoff worthy. 'Just a physical manifestation of my mental decay' was just as concerning and about just as accurate.

A physical manifestation that seems to have made you eggs no less... Which were rather burnt looking as he held them out to you nervously.

You blinked once, then twice, he blinked back in response, his nervous look becoming more so at the growing silence.

You tentatively sat up after a moment, not missing the pain in your neck from the awkward sleeping position, taking the outstretched plate into your own hands and mumbling out something akin to a confused 'thank you?' as he handed you a fork.

Well, it looks as though he did some poking around your kitchen. You spared a tentative glance behind you, prepared to witness complete wreckage, the likes of which mimicking that of a passing tornado, which wouldn't be too entirely uncharacteristic, given the circumstances, only to see the stove looked pretty unused.

You spared a questionable glance in his direction, though you weren't entirely sure you wanted to know the answer to the unspoken question of how the hell he cooked this.

Venti responded with a nervous smile, sensing that he might have broke convention with the cooking method he chose.

"I made a fire outside."

Ah, so that explains it. How incredibly concerning and just as in character.

"Is the fire out now?"

He immediately nodded at your words, giving a look of comically exaggerated offense that you would even consider him so reckless as to leave an unintended fire right next to your home.

With that worry out of the way, you took a small bite of the eggs to find they weren't completely horrible. Kind of overcooked in certain places, which was about to be expected, but better than you would typically have for breakfast. Venti took your decision to continue eating after the first bite as a silent win, promising himself to make you something better when he was able. You deserved nothing but the best of course.

"So," you started after a moments silence, eating the final bite as you collected your thoughts, "I've got to get ready for work now..."

"I'll come with you then!" He practically beamed, leaving very little room for discussion as he quickly collected your plate and placed it on the counter near the sink, still rather unsure how to use the majority of your appliances.

"Uh, sorry, that's not exactly possible."

You're pretty sure your job would frown upon you bringing someone to work, and you highly doubt they would take 'yeah sorry, he's not from this world and kinda thinks I'm a god' as a reasonable excuse.

Of course Venti's face immediately fell, why couldn't he spend every waking moment of his around you? It's not as if he'd be a nuisance, he'd abide by any rules you laid down, naturally. But he could tell you probably weren't going to be keen in bending this particular constraint.

"I'm only working part time today, so I'll be back by three, if that's any consolation."

You really didn't know why you were trying to comfort him, you still weren't entirely sure he wasn't just some figment of your imagination, and even if he wasn't he should be pretty accustom to being on his own, assuming this was the exact same free-spirited god of Anemo that stood before you, looking like he was about ready to fall to his knees at your command.

He really wasn't particularly good at hiding that admiration, the way his eyes never left your form, how he seemed to hang on to your every movement—

Hopefully other people weren't quite this perceptive, or you might be in for some trouble down the line.

"Do you have to go?" Venti asked in a way that actually managed to make you feel bad.

"Well, if I don't they might fire me, then we'd both kind of be in trouble." You tried to make your tone display more of a joking manner, but his eye's immediately widened regardless.

"Fire you!?"

Did he think you were the head of a company or something? You found yourself stuck between wanting to laugh and also feeling incredibly bad that his 'god' was just a normal person, as much a low-level worker as everyone else. You took a moment to wonder if that's how his followers felt when discovering the broke alcoholic bard was really a god.

Maybe you two did have more in common than you previously thought.

You didn't have a lot of time to continue reflecting as a weight was placed directly on your lap, a weight that was attached to an incredible needy personality no less.

You could do little more than let out a sigh as Venti made himself comfortable, smiling as he wrapped his arms around your neck and laid his head on your shoulder.

This might as well happen. A fictional character you generally liked, desperate for every scrap of affection you'd graciously provide.

You couldn't remember the last time you had a hug anyway, living alone had its disadvantages, so you choose to not immediately push him away in favor of enjoying his affection a bit longer.

Venti was quite enjoying his position, the enthusiastic vessel in which all his and Teyvat’s love for you passed through, ready to step up and take the full responsibility of representing it accurately.

You did finally choose to get up, giving him a light push to the side, him returning the gesture with a smile that some might describe as desperate.

Venti allowed you to leave, biting back the unpleasant dread that came with the knowledge he wouldn't see you for upwards of eight hours, instead pushing his thoughts towards what he could do for you in your absence.

As soon as the sound of the door closing echoed through the room after a semi-awkward goodbye, a sign that he really was alone once again, Venti set out on memorizing every square inch of your apartment.

It was small, significantly smaller than some of the rentable living spaces in Mondstadt. He wandered aimlessly for a moment, taking in all of the high-tech foreign looking things he certainly had no clue how to use. Meticulously looking at every framed picture, attempting to memorize the faces, in case they were important to your life.

It didn't take him long to find your room, being one of the only two rooms with an actual door.

Venti hesitated, hand hovering over the doorknob. He wanted to enter, a space that contained traces of no one but you, an area more sacred than any back in Teyvat. You wouldn't find out, and he certainly wouldn't touch anything. That's what he told himself at least, trying to mentally combat all of the reasons he probably shouldn't invade your privacy.

It was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

The door creaked open and he mentally cringed, as if you were still there to hear it, as if you simply had a way of knowing he was doing something wrong before he even did so.

That previous gnawing anxiety quickly vanished as soon as he was actually inside, replaced with a feeling of absolute serenity from simple standing in the place you considered most private.

It was about as small as he expected it to be, given the layout of the house. A small bed, partly made up, tucked away in the corner. It's not as if your room was overflowing with possessions, but there were plenty of personal items he would kill to get his hands on and any other situation.

He had intended to leave your room completely untouched, but what were intentions in the face of the divine feeling of his god?

It took little more than five seconds for him to throw himself directly onto your bed, grinning more earnestly than he had done in quite a long time. The blankets were soft, and it all smelled so much like you. Venti let out a wistful sigh, burying his face in your pillow, imagining it to be you. Would you let him sleep here with you? Surely you wouldn't mind...

The hours continued to pass in quite a similar manner. Venti wandering around, opening every drawer and cabinet in search of remnants of you, completely giddy when finding something more personal.

He briefly wondered how much you knew about him, you seemed to know his name at least. He looked back fondly on the moment when you spoke it, how it sounded leaving your lips, even with that tone of disbelief. It seemed so unfair when reflecting, you probably knew quite a bit about him and yet he knew very little about you, that was something that needed to be rectified.

Venti could practically sense your presence before your hand even touched the door. It was comparable to feeling as if his whole purpose for existing was simply making itself known, enticing him to embrace it fully. Which was part of the reason why you had a pair of arms around you before you could even put one foot through the door.

"Your grace, it was sooo boring here without you." He whined, giving you eyes that displayed nothing but the fondest of sorrows.

There was something surreal about coming home to another person, something that felt almost unnatural about simply the idea of having someone waiting for you.

"What did you do while I was gone?"

It was an innocent question, strictly for curiosity’s sake instead of something that could be seen as accusing. Venti felt his face flush regardless.

"Ah- uh, well..." An appropriate excuse didn't come to his mind fast enough and the poor bard was left fumbling, trying to edge around giving away how he spent a majority of his free time admiring each and every one of your personal possessions.

You gave him a confused look in response. Although you weren't trying to be accusatory to begin with, it was hard to avoid that speculation now.

Deciding it was better to change the topic, not entirely sure you wanted to even know the answer at this point in light of that response, you let out a soft hum while closing the door.

"Well it's still early, but what do you want for dinner?"

Venti practically squeaked in surprise, eyes widening. "I'm supposed to be asking you that you know." He mumbled, discontented with how he was already failing at meeting your needs.

You stifled a laugh, "You don't know how to use the stove, and I highly doubt you know what a microwave is."

While he couldn't exactly argue with that, memories of this morning's creative breakfast flashing in his mind, it didn't mean he wasn't eager to learn.

"Teach me then, I don't want you to have to do anything. You've already had to be out all day, let me take care of it." The attempt at smooth talking fell a little flat, considering how he was still clinging to you at the door, but it was an admirable attempt.

Now the last thing you wanted to do after getting home was explain modern appliances to someone with absolutely no exposure to any of it, but it would be better for you to do so now instead of letting him try and figure it out when you weren't home, causing some kind of an explosion.

You gave him a small push, signaling for him to stop clinging on to you like a child, and he obliged, distancing himself with an apologetic laugh.

You walked to the kitchen without another word, and he followed close behind, eager to be as close as you'd allow him.

Once in the kitchen, you pointed to the big metal box with a bunch of strange looking dials. "This is a stove, spin this dial to turn on one of the burners and you can put a pot or pan on the top to heat it up.”

Venti watched while you demonstrated, turning it quickly on and off again, "It's probably the closest thing to a cooking pot you'll have, just remember to turn it off and don't burn my apartment down please."

He responded with a nod, seemingly completely enthralled by every word.

This time you pointed to the smaller metal box which was above the previous appliance, "This is a microwave, it's used to quickly heat up stuff. You just press the buttons for the amount of time you want it to heat something up."

You tried to mentally run through all the dangers that came along with allowing Venti to utilize these things, making mental notes on what to mention.

"Oh, and don't put metal in it, it will explode."

He gawked at you for a moment, trying to decide if that was a joke or not. Your serious expression did little to quell his worry.

You ran through various other appliances quickly. Toaster makes things hot, fridge makes things cold, freezer makes things colder. Venti's head was starting to hurt.

"And don't make any more fires outside, I'd prefer if my neighbors didn't call the cops for arson charges."

You hesitated for a moment in your next sentence, thinking really hard about whether it would really be a good idea to mention, eventually succumbing to the fact that it was better safe than sorry.

"Also, if there's an emergency while I'm out of the house, you can use the landline to call me." You gestured to the old, rather unused phone, sitting nicely on the counter.

"Only call if it's an emergency. Got it?" Venti nodded with a very bright smile that made you question what he may or may not consider an emergency. You honestly didn't know why you still had the phone in the first place, you had been meaning to cancel it for a while, but now didn't seem like the opportune time.

You wrote your number out on a sticky note and placed it next to the phone, taking careful note to write 'Only for emergencies!' underneath the number, not that you thought he would actually take the hint.

Feeling both rather tired of talking and physically tired from the workday, laying down seemed like a rather pleasant option, which you decided to do on the couch, stretching as Venti watched your changing facial expressions intently.

When you seemed relatively settled, without so much as a warning, he laid on top and sprawled his body across yours, not much different than a cat, though you were sure he would hate that comparison. Venti couldn't help but let out a content sigh, being so close to you, this was leagues better than simply laying on your bed.

"Venti," he perked up at hearing his name, giving you a lopsided grin as some hair fell in his face, "What's Teyvat— No, what's Mondstadt like?"

He could feel pride swelling at your curiosity.

"It's beautiful your grace, endless trees and grass. The wind is always kind and gentle. I've done my best to morph it to your preference."

Venti's heart fluttered as you brushed some of his hair away from his eyes, a pleasant feeling lingering where your touch had been. "I'd love for you to see it one day, I'd love for you to stay there with me. I could change it however you desire. Shape the land and clear the trees, redirect the rivers until every blade of grass is in its respective place."

You let out a hum trying to imagine it, the breeze and the dandelions, the ocean and lakes.

"I'd like to see it too."

Oh how those simple words made his heart sing. Just you and him in a realm of your creation, a nation of his reformation. How he'd love nothing more than to keep you there, all to himself. There was no denying that this was a pretty good substitute for that. He knew that every one of your followers in Teyvat would give up anything to be in this position, to feel your warmth so completely as he was doing now.

You found yourself slowly growing to accept the idea of this, of him. Slowly giving in to your natural instinct to simply appreciate this situation for what it was, that being the perfect opportunity to indulge in your favorite character.

You wrapped your arms around him, as he had done to you, giving into the feeling of having a god right there, ready and waiting for anything you would bestow upon him.

It was cute how his eyes fluttered close at the contact, embracing it fully. You almost wanted to voice how cute he looked, with that blissful smile.

You wondered briefly how long he would keep you there, content to simply rest atop you with no desire for anything further.

Making a quick mental checklist of all the things you still needed to get done today, it felt as if it was almost endless.

For now though, you were content. Satisfied with the situation you found yourself in and lacking the desire to cut it short.

Maybe this really wouldn't end up being so bad.

[rottencaniness]

// no doubt //

— for Angel, @spnyuri —

rating: mature || word count: 1k+ || ao3 link

tags: sam/ruby, season 4, demon blood addict sam, boy king of hell sam, minor character death/brief description of injury/death, angry sam

-

It's not that Ruby had planned on killing Dean, really she hadn't, but then he came at her with a knife and suddenly his neck was snapped per her demon powers. There's a recognized thought in the back of her mind that Sam is going to be pissed, upset, he's going to grieve all over again and it'll be hell all over again.

It's been a full year since Ruby showed up at Sam's motel room door with a hug about his dead brother and plan to get him to become just as powerful as he should be. Things have been working out marvelously- or they were- until some stupid Angel dragged Dean back up from hell and decided to throw a huge wrench in her plans, she has a mental note to kill him at some point. Sam's been drinking the demon blood to learn how to save more people, the nativity, but he's been doing what Ruby says so it's fine.

Only now she has his dead brother's body at her feet and about fifteen minutes to prepare for when Sam comes back from grabbing dinner for them all. She's been playing nice with Dean for Sam's sake. It hasn't been as hard as she assumed it'd be but it definitely hasn't been easy, she only wants Sam, she likes every little thing about him and could care less about what Dean does. He's also been severely blocking the more romantic part of Sam and Ruby's dynamic, Sam hasn't kissed her once in front of him, something she never thought she'd miss but longs for in a too desperate manner. She's a demon and shouldn't be this attached to a relationship with a human, but, this human is Sam Winchester soon-to-be-boy-king-of-hell, so she allows herself some grace.

She hefts Dean's body upwards and leans him back against the end of one of the motel beds, grimacing at how cold he's already become and the rather jarring dead person eyes staring back at her. How the fuck is she going to explain this? Get out of this? The knife Dean had tried to kill her with gets quickly kicked under the bed when she hears the rumble of the Impala pull into the parking lot, she does not need Sam trying to finish what Dean started.

"Sam! Sam, something's wrong with Dean!" The door gets thrown open and she yells out in the most frantic manner she can muster, she'll just lie her way out of this. Neither boy has ever been brought back to life before, she might be able to convince Sam that this was inevitable, as if Dean had a time limit to being alive again. His body isn't mangled and his head is still upright so it shouldn't be too hard to pull off.

"What happened?!" The bags of fast food get dropped onto the table in seconds as Sam's knees slam into the floor so he can be at his brother's level. His hands check Dean's pulse, going wide eyed when there isn't one, and he moves to push Dean to his back on the floor before starting compressions. They won't do anything.

"I- I don't know! He was fine and talking and then he just collapsed!" A pained noise leaves the back of Sam's throat and the compressions he's doing become slower, he obviously knows that he can't bring Dean back this time.

"Sam..." Ruby trails off with a hand on the center of Sam's back, a small frown on her lips when he turns to look at her with glossy eyes. No matter how demon she is and how much she follows Lucifer, she still feels certain things, maybe not how a human does or how she should, but it hurts to see Sam like this. It makes her want to beg for him to let Lucifer take over, that he'd fix Sam's problems and give him so much more.

"I- I thought I had him back for good." Fuck he looks so broken it almost makes Ruby want to revive Dean herself, almost.

"Did the Angel he was talking to say anything about a time limit on being back?" Not that that's how resurrection really works but Sam doesn't know that.

"No." A sudden surge of anger covers Sam's words, he stands abruptly and turns to Ruby, not showing half the sadness she was expecting and instead looking rather pissed off. It might be the demon blood coursing through him, she can tell he took a swig when he was picking up their food, or it might just be Sam finally getting angry the way she wants him to. If he thinks the Angel did this, he'll want revenge. A Winchester always wants revenge.

"What's going through your head Sam? Talk to me." One of her hands reaches to brush through Sam's hair, it's greasy from the running around they all did today, but she still thinks it's perfect. The brown locks were sculpted for Lucifer since his birth, he's made in Lucifer's image, there's not a single flaw about him. At least not one that can't be changed, Dean's gone and that eliminates half of the problems she was having with getting Sam to agree to Lucifer's request.

"I want Lilith dead, and I want Castiel back in heaven. It might've been God's orders to bring Dean back but to rip him away again is cruel, I don't care who said it was okay. God or Angel or whoever- they can't just take him away from me." There's rage practically dripping off of every word leaving Sam's mouth, Ruby loves it. Anger will get him to Lucifer, will get him to open that last gate, will get her recognized as the demon that got Lucifer his vessel. Both of them will be living highly and hell's rules will change with Sam's leading.

"You're almost strong enough to kill Lilith, I promise." Mere inches it seems.

"What can I do to make myself stronger faster?" A grin breaks across Ruby's face, while she's been trying to pace Sam on the demon blood so it works correctly, he's been on the stuff for so long she's sure she can up the dosage. It should be easy to retrieve considering his powers too.

"Drink more, then we kill Lilith, then deal with Castiel." Break Lucifer out of hell and take his place as Lucifer's vessel is in there too, Sam just doesn't know it yet.

"Let's go get more blood now." Impatient and angry, perfection. He doesn’t even look back at Dean's body, there's no doubt in Ruby's mind that Sam will let Lucifer in now.

[citizensofcradle]

IkePrince Suitors as Lewis Capaldi lyrics

Lewis Capaldi is one of my favorite musical artists and I was just struck with the urge to make this list one night!

I wanna give a little disclaimer that these are just in my own opinion. I also didn't pick whole songs because some of these songs I don't feel like they fit the characters as a whole while others might. Not gonna lie either I struggled with some of them so they might not be the best ones but oh whale.

I'm gonna put them under the cut though because if not this is gonna be a huge text wall on feeds! On another note, I hope ya'll enjoy these!

Jin- "'Cause I'm not ready, to find out you know how to forget me, I'd rather hear how much you regret me, And pray to God that you never met me, Than forget me, Oh I hate to know I made you cry, But love to know I cross your mind, Babe oh I, Even after all it'd still wreck me, To find out you'd know how to forget me" -Forget Me

Chevalier- "Lately, I'm getting lost on you, You got me doing things I never thought I'd do, Never spent so long on a losing battle, But lately giving up don't seem to matter, Every day, I'm a slave to the heartache, And you're wasting away every night, I don't wanna leave you lonely, But I've run out of love this time, You know that I adore you, Though I couldn't give enough, Hope you'll be safe in the arms of another, 'Cause I can't take the weight of your love" -Lost On You

Clavis- "Will you forgive me if I'm coming off a little bit obtuse? Well, it's been a minute now since I have had to tell the truth, I know I can, I won't, Suppose I thought that by this moment I would have it figured out, But instead, I tend to spend my days consumed by seeds of doubt" -How I'm Feeling Now

Leon- "Hope, have you some that I can borrow? 'Cause I've been so low, And the weight of all the world's a heavy load, Keep me going 'til tomorrow, 'Cause I just don't know if I can face another day alone, Well my lungs don't breathe, And my heart don't beat, And I can't believe in any kind of life without you here, And I can't move on, 'Cause it feels so wrong, No I just don't want any kind of life without you dear" -Any Kind of Life

Yves- "I can wear a million faces, 'Cause I don't like the one underneath, Always found it easy to fake it, Yeah, I'll be anybody but me, To tell you the truth, I'm the fraud in the room, And I know that, But you never will, In my mind, it's instilled not to show that, I spend almost all of my time, Feeling like I'm falling even further behind" -The Pretender

Licht- "I’m not ready to be just another of your mistakes, don’t wanna let the pieces fall out of place, I was only just a breath removed from going to waste, till I found salvation in the form of your grace, your grace, your grace, don’t take it away" -Grace

Nokto- "You saw me different then, oh, when I held your heart in my hand, so, if you’re gonna leave me, just leave me slowly, let’s make it last, just one more dance, before the moment’s passed, I’d rather that you lay here than leave me lonely" -Leave Me Slowly

Luke- "I've been holding on to hope, That you'll come back when you can find some peace, 'Cause every word that I've heard spoken, Since you left feels like an hollow street, I've been told, I've been told to get you off my mind, But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind, Oh my lord, oh my lord, I need you by my side" -Bruises

Sariel- "I wish somebody would've told me, That I'd end up so caught up in need of your demons, That I'd be lost without you leading me astray, Guess that I'm a fool for the way that you caught me, Girl, you make my heart break more every day, But don't fade away" -Fade

Rio- "To tell the truth, I think you saved my life, givin’ my heart to you over to you would be no sacrifice, Oh lord, i ain’t afraid to die if it means I’m by your side, it would be such a heavenly way to say goodbye" -Heavenly Kind of State of Mind

Silvio- "Forget everything we've come to expect, It only serves to further fuck with our heads, And I don't wanna pretend this will all be alright in the end, mmm, So maybe now instead of balancing on the edge, We could put this to bed for good, Can call it quits or risk sinking with this broken ship, But I don't think we'd make it through, through, Now it's only the beat of my heart, That reminds me not to stare at the sparks, Can't set fire to my soul, Just to keep ya, keep ya, keep ya from burning alone" -Burning

Keith- "I bring her coffee in the morning, She brings me inner peace, I take her out to fancy restaurants, She takes the sadness out of me, I make her cards on her birthday, She makes me a better man, I take her water when she's thirsty, She takes me as I am" -Pointless

Gilbert- "You got your demons, spent seasons on the dark side of the moon, Don't try denying 'cause you know that I've been there too, Right now I know how it feels like the world's gonna end, But I'll get you through, If it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna love the hell out of you, Take all the pain that you're going through, I'll bring you heaven if that's what you need, 'Cause you've always loved the hell out of me" -Love the Hell Out of You

[little-peril-stories]

Whumptober 2023, Day 24: "I thought they were with you."

Whumptober 2023 Masterlist

Read at your own risk! They're only snippets of a larger story, with no resolution that will be posted online anytime soon; they are being posted out of order; and the characters don't have names. Enjoy!

Contents: angst, unknown fate of another character

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Word count: 880 || Approx reading time: 4 mins

"Watch out!"

Teaser: The plan, meticulously thought out: he would go to her, read the letter, give to her every carefully composed word.

“How will they tell my story? / How will they tell my tale?”

Chasing sleep proved to be a futile effort, and so the scholar passed the night at his desk, staining his skin as he had so many times before with ink—splatters and whorls of black sinking into his fingerprints and burrowing beneath his nails.

He didn’t mind the ink stains. He barely noticed them. It was no different, he told himself, from writing a thesis or preparing for an examination.

Except, of course, that it was different in every possible way, save for the scratch of his pen against the page.

As he rose from his chair when sunlight crept across the sky, he knew he’d neglected to sleep at all, and yet he didn’t feel tired. He did feel strange, though—dizzy, far away, distant from the walls and floors of the palace as he passed unsteadily through the halls like a half-drunk hooligan.

He clung to the letter he’d sunk deep into his pocket, wondering if the dampness on his palms would smudge the ink and imprint the words themselves right onto his skin.

The plan, meticulously thought out: he would go to her, read the letter, give to her every carefully composed word. He wouldn’t stumble or lose his place when he looked up and their eyes met. Well, he might. But he’d get through it. Brimming with courage, he would read it and tell her and then the truth would be between them, free for her to take or not as she wished.

He could do it. He wasn’t such a coward.

The rap of his knuckles against the door was the loudest thing he’d ever heard, rattling his bones and aching through his flesh.  When it was answered, he asked to see her, stammering on the lyrical syllables of her name.

He recognized the girl who opened the door—one of her colleagues, a friend, a girl with cool, appraising eyes. They usually regarded him with little more than curiosity and vaguely confused acknowledgement that her friend might choose to while away her hours of freedom with a lanky, bespectacled former royal tutor who staggered through most social situations with the grace of a baby elephant.

Now, those cool eyes were puzzled, but it was a harsh, snappish confusion. “She’s not here.”

He glanced around, doubting his navigation abilities for an instant before his surroundings confirmed that he was in the correct place. “She’s gone out already?”

“I thought she was with you,” the girl said, her gaze hardening. 

“What?” He frowned, prickles rising along his skin even though the morning sun was beating through the glass windowpane with vicious strength. “Why would she be with me?”

“She didn’t come back last night,” she said. “And since you were the one who spirited her away into the gardens for a…walk…” The scholar noticed then how stiff the girl held herself, how tightly she bit out every word. “We figured she was with you.”

Suspicion, he realized. Suspicion was what lurked within that glare.

“I didn’t spirit anyone anywhere,” he said. “I went back in and she was still…”

It struck him fully then—what he was saying and what her friend was saying, burrowing in like something sharp-toothed and ravenous, eating away at his skin.

“Wait,” he said, his thoughts spinning backwards, “she didn’t come back at all?”

The girl shook her head, swallowing as if it pained her.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” she snapped. “Why don’t you know? You were the last one to see her.”

Last one…

“No,” he said, “I went back in—she wanted to stay outside—”

“So you left her alone?”

The sheer negligence of that choice, the stabbing realization of how abysmally he had erred in his judgment—they both clanged toward him, harsh and accusing and true.

“The gardens,” he said, “did anyone look—do you suppose she—I don’t—“ He backed away from the door. “I’ll look for her.”

“I’m coming with you,” her friend said, disappearing for a moment while she shouted back, “Don’t go anywhere!” When she reappeared, she was yanking a pair of shoes onto her feet.

But they had to hurry, he thought. “What if she…” If she was hurt? If a strange illness had befallen her after he walked away? “I just don’t understand.”

“Is there something you’re not saying?” her friend asked. “Was she sick last night? Upset? At y… About something?”

“No,” he said, trying to keep his voice from clipping too sharply. “She was watching the fireworks.”

“I can’t believe you just left her alone there,” the girl said. “What’s wrong with you?”

She’d insisted. She’d been fine. She’d been content.

“Are you telling the truth?”

He stumbled to a stop, just for an instant, as the earth shivered and shifted beneath him. “Why would I lie?”

“I don’t know,” her friend said. “I’m just asking.”

He banished her question from his mind. Perhaps there was more she wasn’t saying. It didn’t matter, not at the moment.

All that mattered: making it to the gardens—to the last place he saw the girl for whom he’d written the love letter in his pocket—and what they would find when they got there.

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[it-happened-one-fic]

Paso Doble - Evenly Matched - Strictly NRC Dancing

Author Notes: This one was interesting to write simply because I don't have very much experience with this character. That said, I based this fic off of the only paso doble performance I've ever truly enjoyed. So the dance in this fic heavily inspired by Derek Hough and Hayley Erbet’s the Emmy winning paso doble to "Uccen" by The Taalbi Brothers on Dancing with the Stars. I edited this fic while listening "Higher" by Michael Buble so that might have bled into the writing too. Just like the rest of this AU/series the reader is female for this fic. I hope you enjoy!

If you would like to read more this AU/series, the fics can be found here: Strictly NRC Dancing AU Master-List.

Type: Dance AU/fluff/you can take it as romantic of platonic/female reader

Word count: 874

The paso doble was, as I now understood it, an incredibly theatrical and dramatic dance. It was largely meant to tell a story, though the exact contents of the story itself depended solely on the two dancers.

As such, it was the perfect match for the over-the-top huntsman known as Rook. I had little to no concerns about having him as my partner since I knew he would strive to do his best as he appreciated all forms of ‘beaute.’

Even then, though, nothing could have prepared me for the raw level of prowess he displayed on the dance floor. Choreography practice had been beyond startling even though I’d thought I’d been braced.

  Rook was an amazing and powerful dancer. I had no doubts that his performance would be one of, if not the best, of the day. Especially after Crewel had grinned at us and declared that we could leave the staging of the performance to him.

And yet, as I got ready to head out and wait for Rook to join me on the red-lit floor, I paused. Glancing back at him curiously, a thought hit me, “I’m surprised you opted to learn the paso doble… I figured you would choose a dance that was less aggressive and more elegant.”

He smiled at me, green eyes narrowing slightly as if he were amused by my words, “But isn't this also a graceful dance?”

I frowned at him, but he didn’t give me a chance to respond as he quickly continued, explaining his words, “You, for instance, move as gracefully as any fleet-footed deer running through the woods, enchanting all who see it. Your sweeping yet delicate motions are enough to remind one of a bird. Entrancing to all who witness your dance.”

I stared at him, unsure of how to respond to this profuse amount of what seemed to be praise spilling from his lips. At last a rather unintentionally blunt response came out, “It’s still aggressive, though.”

He laughed quietly, but nodded, “It is. This dance is incredibly aggressive, and that too is beautiful. For what is more beautiful than the struggle to survive? The determination of two equally matched people as they are both in a contest but also working as a unit. Who will come out on top? Who will lose? Who will people remember?”

His eyes were glittering now in a way that reminded me of the fact that one of his favorite hobbies was, indeed, pursuing dangerous prey.

 Rook was a kind and surprisingly gentle man who was also incredibly intense when it came to his passions and interests. It was something that made him both admirable and rather worrying at times.

But I didn’t get time to say anything more since it was time for me to head out, soon to be joined by my rather odd partner. But one thing I could say about our conversation was that it had me going into the performance with a completely new view of the paso doble. 

The determination of two equally matched people…..

I felt a smile creep onto my face as I began to match Rook’s steps as soon as he joined me. Perhaps this was what a paso doble could be. Less of a fight to the death and more of an evenly matched spar between two people who could both respect one another.

The two of us matched each other's steps perfectly, even as the dance itself seemed to fly by. Even Rook's brief solo flamenco performance took hardly any time. And I was dancing with the hunter yet again, with him tossing me around his body and through the air as if I weighed just as little as a matador’s cape did.

 It wasn’t until I was thrown backwards, only being held up by my outstretched arms that were being gripped by the fully upright Rook who looked down at me with glittering eyes, that I realized how heavily I was breathing.

The final beat of the song hit and a spotlight flashed over us, scattering the red lighting that had surrounded us and signaling the end of the dance. But that didn’t mean the room went silent. Instead, we were met with thunderous applause that had me letting out a slightly breathless laugh.

Rook’s chest was heaving just as much as mine was as he tugged me back upright with an ease befitting the strength as a young man who did archery for fun. I came to a stop just short of our noses touching, a grin on my face that matched the wide smile he wore as his gaze met mine, “Merci, mon Trickster.”

I was still breathing heavily as I shook my head, still grinning at him, “No, thank you Rook.”

It seemed that I still had a lot to learn when it came to dancing since Rook’s philosophy certainly had opened my eyes. And perhaps that was why we had just performed the best paso doble of the evening.

And that wasn’t just my ego speaking. I could say that simply as someone who’d danced several paso dobles now. But I could also say that based on the perfect scores that we had received in regards to our performance.

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[triplesilverstar]

A conversation about Flowers

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Vash X F!Reader

CW: Body dysmorphia, Pre-Canon, Illnesses, Major Illness, Major Character Injury, Medical Inaccuracies, Medical Experimentation, Medical Examination, Dreams and Nightmares, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Feels, Heavy Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Fever, Running Away, Communication Failure, Soft Vash the Stampede, Mild Smut, Not Beta Read, Heartbreaking, Imprisonment, Dark Past, Murder, Cartoon Physics, Vashs' Coat as a blanket, Needles, Nightmares

Word count: Roughly 3.3K

A/N: Chapter Five of Even sand can't hide all the skeletons in your closet. I might have had a hard time with this one but it was fun.

You’re surprised when Luida doesn’t lead you back to the same medical laboratory, instead stopping inside of some kind of fabrication lab, opening a white box you realize is a first aid kit that was near the doorway. 

“I think, it doesn’t make sense to have you walk all the way back to the infirmary when you just need a little patching up.” This woman moves with a grace you feel slightly envious of, watching those dainty hands of hers that dart quickly, grabbing what she needs. When you’d felt her hand on your own, the soft skin had surprised you, now you're looking at your own palm. Nothing soft about them. Covered in callus and small scars, hands that were stained red, and nothing could ever wipe all of that away. 

Jumping when her hand landed on your arm, a soft smile of concern on her face “I need your arm to clean it up.” Right. Still wary, you let her have better access, holding it out and turning to reveal the inner part of your elbow, the bruises already a nice mottled green. “I have to say I am curious.” Great. The other shoe is about to drop, no doubt she knows more about you than even you know. Or at least as much as you yourself do. Flinching ever so slightly at the damp cloth wiping debris from your adventure away from the gouged tissue. 

“Vash never brought anyone home before.” That. Is not where you were expecting this conversation to go. Not in your lifetime that’s for sure. “He stayed with you most of the time you were sick from the moment you both arrived.” Nodding to herself as she spoke, she placed some ointment on the edges before covering the area in some sterile bandages. You almost want to tell her it’s a waste of effort since any sign of the wound will be gone in the morning, catching her eye and realizing she knows that as well as you do. 

Swallowing around a mouthful of cotton, while Luida keeps talking in that reassuring tone of hers. “I never thought I’d see the day that Vash would bring a young lady home with him. Pretty one too.” Thinning your lips, trying to keep the blush from overtaking your face, you’ve never thought of yourself as pretty. With steady movements she has your arm wrapped, bending it to make sure you still have the ability to move while keeping it secure. “You may not see it, but I think you have to be quite special for Vash to bring you home.” 

A pat on your arm and you swallow back the tears that want to run rampant down your face again, you have no idea how to respond to those words. Too much of you is still torn between wanting to run away and now wanting to hide in a room away from sight. “I-” Nothing comes to you and just ball your hands into fists, looking down at your hands. 

“Now that we have wrapped it to keep it clean, would you like to have a shower? Maybe some clean clothes?” Is this some kind of trick? Something to lull you into a false sense of security? No. You have to have to shove those thoughts down, remember you need to start at least trying to trust people. Baby steps. Even if you suspect Vash is going to want to part ways after this, you have to trust he didn’t bring you somewhere for them to try and slice you open and see what else is inside of you. 

A hard swallow, raising your head and looking into her warm brown eyes. “I’d like that. Please.” Her smile seems to only grow, reaching her eyes and making the edges crinkle. She motions for you to follow her, doing your best to keep your steps steady while you walk even if the two of you don’t go far down the hallway before she brings you to a side hallway with a row of doors, opening one. It’s a small room, with a few lockers and benches, and it looks like from the way the room is set up it’s communal showers, something you’re very used to and makes sense for a spaceship traveling to a new planet. 

Opening one of the locker doors Luida is handing you a towel and a few small containers labeled with what they are from inside of it. “I’ll see about getting you some clean clothes.” Leaving you standing there holding the items tight to your chest. Looking around you find the shower area glad for the doors and curtains separating the areas, stripping down to bare skin before heading closer to it. Pausing at the full length mirror, letting your gaze rake over your form, hissing at what you see. 

Your ribs are visible along your chest, skin taut over your frame, scars highlighted by the pallor that has overtaken your body. Your Hair is more like a rat's nest, going every which way and covered in grim. A snort of laughter before you move on from your self-depreciation, to think, someone had called you pretty. Something you doubt given you’re nothing but skin and bones at the moment.

Sighing when the first beads of water hit your skin, a pounding tempo against your sore muscles as you watch the grime slide away from your body and down the drain. Doing your best to keep your wrapped elbow from getting wet you clean your body, working quickly, knowing you might not have the strength to keep yourself upright now that all the adrenaline has left your body. As the water hits parts of you revealing the tenderness in your flesh, that has you leaning against part of the wall when you need to.

Towel wrapped around your body and toiletries under your arm as you leave the shower area, confusion clear on your face as you look around. Your dirty clothes are gone, a pile of white and gray fabric neatly folded on the edge of the counter near a row of mirrors. Picking at it, you realize it’s clothes, similar in style to the ones Luida and Brad wore. 

If it’s your only option you take it, glad for a pair of underwear tucked between the shirt and pants. 

You don’t see the older woman anywhere, opting to return the items to the locker Luida had taken them from. Something white catches your eye as you close the door. A sheet. Grabbing the soft fabric between your fingers you head towards the door, the urge to try and hide still hovering at the edge of your mind. 

Careful steps take your back to the atrium. In a way you’re hiding, but at least it’s out in the open. Somewhere that they won’t assume the worst if they can’t find you. 

Watching you follow Luida, Vash feels his heart sink in his chest, hand rubbing the back of his neck, sighing as he stands. 

“Don’t be so mopey” flinching as Brad chastises him. “Give her a bit of time brat, she’s shaken up over something.”

“Yea. You might be right.” There’s no might about it, hands in the pockets of his cargo pants Vash starts walking towards the infirmary. Watching his feet, head hung low, he knew you didn’t like doctors. But something about the way you were acting just wasn’t sitting right with him. 

Pondering all the while as he made his way, planning to clean up the mess from the IV and get working on the blood trail you’d left across the ship. It was the least he could do while Luida was looking after you. 

Stepping inside the room, he made his way over to where the two of you had been, bending to scoop his coat from the floor, glad at least it hadn’t been close to the liquid pool that had formed. 

As the fabric rose, a clattering reached his ears. He turned his head to see a small metal device lying on the floor with the smallest light shining from it after being inactive for so long. 

The tablet. 

The realization struck him with enough force to make his knees cave. Dropping to the floor as his heart shuddered in his chest and his head felt like it was on fire as sweeping waves of nausea overtook him.

You knew what he had been reading about you, and came to the worst concussion. “Oh, Mayfly. I already told you before, you’re not that person anymore.” No wonder you had been rambling, telling him you weren’t worth it. 

The sound of the door opening, hope springing in his chest, let it be you as he looked up with a fake smile plastered on his face, to see Luida there. “Vash?” Her voice carried the weight of her question, seeing Vash crumbled on the floor like he’d lost everything all over again, his fake smile a mask she had long learned to ignore. His eyes are wide in panic, the normal rosy shade across his cheeks gone, chest heaving.  

“Luida, I know why she’s upset. She thinks I think she’s a monster.” His tears won’t come, not for himself “I need to tell her I don’t!” Trying to stand on wavering legs wanting to run to her, surprised when it was Luida’s gentle hand that stopped him by the door, placed on his shoulder. “She’s run away before when she thought I thought that worst. That I thought she was a monster, she just left a note and tried to run! Please Luida, I need to see her!” Voice panicked, surprised as that gentle hand gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.  

“Vash. She’s shaken up at the moment. Let her have a little time, I left her some clothes to change into. I imagine she’s trying to process all of this right now.” The way Vash is biting his lip has her relenting, but only the slightest amount. “I’ll go stay with her, Vash. Keep her company, alright?” Her tone is soft as Vash gives her the briefest of nods, looking at the fabric of his coat held between his fingers.

“Will you bring her this? Please?” Pleading as Vash looks into one of his oldest friends' eyes, he needs something, anything to show you he still loves you. Still needs you with him and doesn’t think any less of you.

“Of course Vash.” Taking the coat she had gifted him so long ago from the entire ship, heading back towards the shower area Ludia had left you in. 

Sitting there in the grass, sheet over your head staring out vacant over the flowers, mind running, thinking over and over again. How the hell were you supposed to get out of there now? You have no idea where your bag is, or your rifle, or your boots. Fuck. Vash had said you needed a few more days to recover then you could both be on your way again. Both. Yea right. 

You wrap yourself tighter around your legs, face hanging over your knees, the occasional round of tears falling silent. Part of you should have been grateful Luida had lent you some clothes, you can only assume they belong to her, unaware where any of your own are, but you’re too consumed with what’d you done. Vash could say what he wanted, but now, you had nothing left to hide, there was no way you could keep that facade going anymore. Everything about you had been on that chip, and now someone had accessed it, leaving all your secrets bare. You’d kept it for the worst reason, a remembrance of all your sins. You felt raw.

All those layers you hide yourself in, are gone in an instant, just leaving the mess of the monster you had become left standing in the light of day. A monster of your own making so fueled by chasing after revenge you wanted and would never be fulfilled by. 

You heard the footsteps as they were approaching you, but didn’t bother to lift your head, hoping whoever it was would go away. Instead, they came closer, and you felt the weight on your shoulders when something was dropped on you. A hood fell forward to cover your eyes, and you felt a fresh round of tears. “Vash. Please. I can’t do this right now.” You need him to leave, you can’t handle speaking to him right now in the state you’re in.

“It’s a good thing I’m not Vash then” Luida’s voice surprises you, and you feel the fabric being adjusted around you. Engulfed by the scent of sunbaked sand on arid winds, used gunpowder, and a hint of citrus, Vash’s coat, even if the color had given it away. You stay silent, unsure of what the older woman wants. Torn between thinking you’re about to be thrown off the spacecraft hidden in the sandstorm, told you’re about to be sliced apart, or, or you don’t even know. How could they let a monster like you stay here in this hidden sanctuary? You can sense as she sits beside you, an arm's length away, she’s settling in for the long haul. “It’s a little odd to see someone other than myself here for something other than checking on how the flora is doing. It’s nice to have some company for once.” 

Small talk. Not your forte at all, even when you weren’t an emotional train wreck. “Most people seem surprised when they see flora, but you seem rather.” Her speech pauses for a moment as if trying to find the right words. “Unimpressed by them.” You snort at that.

“I’ve seen flowers before. I grew up on a green planet.” The reality was, you had, flowers were just ornamental objects growing in the wild and occasionally seen as a pest when they were growing in the field or sprang up in the greenhouses. “It’s just. Been a long time since I’ve stopped to see them” Your words are slow, measured. Because it has been a long time since those days when you only heard of violence on the radio. You haven't been that young in a long time, or naive. Too much destruction to observe something so small and delicate, something that brings joy. Then again, you haven’t seen anything green since you came to this planet that wasn’t synthetic.

“I guess that confirms you aren’t really from Earth then.” Her voice is wistful and while you’d love to give her your full attention you won’t. You want to keep hiding, left alone with your thoughts. Her comment is laughable, if she read the files it’s more than clear you aren’t from Earth. Fuck you aren’t even sure where you’re from anymore, not with how everything regarding your trip to this planet played out. Her comment is simply proof that she knows about the monster hiding in the guise of being a human.

“Do you have a favorite?” You aren’t sure what kind of noise passes out of your throat but she keeps moving forward, clarifying. “A favorite flower that is?”

Not really. The only thing that comes to mind if you think about it, were the little blue flowers with yellow centers that grew around the front garden of your home. Thinking of them, all you can picture in your mind's eye is a few stems, flecked with blood and swaying from the inferno surrounding them. You aren’t even sure if it’s real or if your mind throwing the worst together. “Don’t think so. But I guess.” Pausing, the dream/memory from earlier is fresh in your mind. “Forget-me-nots” words solemn, thinking of your long gone home makes you think of your parents. You can’t even remember their faces, not even in your dreams. It's been so long, a somber occurrence given the crusade you’d given yourself to avenge what you’d lost. 

In the end, you’d just lost even more of yourself. You don’t remember the girl you had been before then. The girl that in that moment, thought she had a bright future waiting for her before everything went crashing down. 

You aren’t aware of Luida looking at you, hidden in the red fabric all she can see is the lower half of your face, lips downturned as she watches the liquid bead on your chin. Growing as it collects before dropping to hit your leg. “Forget-me-nots? You know, it’s a flower that has lots of meaning.”

“Yea. Not forgetting someone is supposed to be one of them.” It’s biting, digging at yourself, you can’t remember the person who loved them the most. 

Luida seems unfazed by the snap in your tone, far too stubborn to give up on trying to pull you from the mire of fear that is taking hold of your mind. Making you think you need to run away. “That is true. They’re also said to be able to represent loyalty, true love, faithfulness, keeping promises, and hope. You’ve got a rather interesting flower as your favorite.” 

Every word she says makes you flinch, those aren’t things you associate with yourself, you don’t have faith, you don’t keep promises because you don’t make them, how can you be loyal when you used to work for the highest bidder? The other two options burn at your soul. Hope and true love. Those are both things you don’t deserve. Which burns all the more, because a part of your soul is screaming, thrashing inside of your head, you love Vash. True love isn’t real, a fairy tale, and Vash could never love you, not now. 

A sigh breaks the silence that is reigning around the two of you, still curled in on yourself. “Vash is worried. He told me you might have pulled something similar before. Thinking you aren’t worth the trouble.” That makes you swallow hard, you don’t like adding to the remorse and guilt that Vash carries.

“You read the file” licking your lips. “Vash should be more worried about the monster he chooses to travel with stabbing him in the back instead of its mental wellbeing.” Another dig at yourself, but the truth has always been a hard pill to swallow for some.  

“I did.” At this she pauses and you feel more tears fall. “I will admit. Some of the things I read certainly did frighten me. But, I also read a lot of impressive things. You saved a lot of lives, all at a cost to yourself. You remind me of Vash that way, and I can’t see you ever stabbing him in the back.”

“How could I remind you of Vash?” Mind reeling, you are anything like Vash, you changed because you had no other option and started working to save people hoping to die in the process. Somewhere along the way that had changed to wanting to live so you could keep trying to do the right thing. 

Looking towards tomorrow.

“Well. You’re both quite stubborn about thinking you’re undeserving. Another is you both have no issue with sacrificing yourselves to save others. I can see why you hold his heart in your hands, even if you don’t see it.” 

Reeling, the tears stopping in their tracks and your breath going cold in your lungs. “I can’t. He’s like a pillar of selflessness I could never be.” Her voice had been so calm, so certain, and it’s shattering your world. Had you missed it, sure you both said you loved one another and were dating. You still hadn’t had sex yet, but that was a physical intimacy you didn’t care if either of you ever reached it, expected to never reach it now.

Hearing the sound of Luida standing, a clasp of her hand on your shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “I’ve known that boy for well over a century. Believe me, when I say, you too are more alike than either of you wants to admit.” You have no idea how to take those words.

Back to Masterlist for the series

[vanderwoodlings]

20 questions game for fic writers

Tagged by @strideofpride tysm <3

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 92! That is… more than I expected. Gonna have to do something special when I hit a hundred I think

2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 239,532

3. What fandoms do you write for? Mostly GG and DC Comics, but I’ve done a little of a lot of things. Still currently working on HOTD on a tertiary level, I guess

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? après le déluge, moi (post-film fic for The Batman (2022)); Here’s the part where I make a joke about roses, right? (Batfam fluff); maybe i’m just breaking free (took the apprentice arc from the Teen Titans cartoon, mix-and-matched with Winter Soldier, threw it all into the comicsverse); like a weird, murdery uncle you don’t invite to thanksgiving (batfam & rogues) and Paradigm Shift (Damian Wayne adjusting to Wayne Manor, part of a larger au)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yep! Unless it’s very flat out hate, I’ll give it a shot. I like talking to people who leave more in depth ones, and it makes me happy to even get little compliments, so I try to say thank you.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hm… load-bearing (the ventfic about Eric getting vented at) is pretty heavy, and so is steal my reflection (what do you see?) (some reactions to Inside)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Maybe the park au (single parents Dan and Blair meet watching their kids at the park)?

8. Do you get hate on fics? It’s happened before, yeah. Not fun

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? Nope

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written? Sometimes! The only one I’ve published is stage name (crossover where Jason Grace is Aaron Hotchner’s nephew)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not as far as I know

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? It’d be cool, and I’ve gotten some awesome related/inspired works, but no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? A few times, yeah—mostly with my sibling (on here @darngosh-it and ao3 as DarnGoshit)

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? ,,,,,there are lots. First one that comes to mind, though, is a pre-series blairserena piece

16. What are your writing strengths? Atmosphere, I think. I’ve been told a few times that my writing has a very distinctive Vibe

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I always feel like my characters don’t exist in physical space. They’re talking heads a lot of the time

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I mean look. If you’re wrong it’s embarrassing, and if you’re making your readers scroll to the end of the chapter it’s annoying and hard to read. Generally, writing in the same language and indicating that it’s not somehow is gonna be better

19. First fandom you ever wrote for? I believe somewhere there is still a composition book with Narnia fanfic from when I was twelve

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written? I’m gonna cheat and give three in the form of talking about the thing that canon doesn’t talk about

Tagging: @mysteriesofloves, @blairwaldcrf, and anyone else who might think these look fun!

[dirtytransmasc]

Hi yes, I would desperately like to see your *insert original media type* please

I have so many at this point for 80 different fandoms, all in different levels of being wips, I couldn't even pick one to show you lol, this is just a very very common feeling I have.

but I might as well give you something, so have some sad, gay, religious trauma ridden "poetry" I wrote after playing Sally face (it's for Travis and his sad little crush on sal), but it could be read as any old queer angst cause there's very little character description.

I doubt this piece a lot, I feel like it's too much and not enough at the same time. there's most likely half a million typos, but my lack of confidence in this piece got so bad I don't even want to look at it anymore.

tw for extreme internalized homophobia.

~~~

Some romances are sweet and gentle; the girl gets the guy. She bats her eyelashes and twirls her hair, he hides his blush with his bravado and sweeps her off her feet. they are joined in holy matrimony, the lord looking down on them with pleasure.

This isn’t one of those romances. For I am the boy who will never get the other boy. I will rub my wet eyes raw and pull at my hair till theres is nothing left to pull at. I may have him, but only ever in sin. I will never have him in your eyes, Lord.

This isn’t sweet nor gentle. This is treacherous and painful and all-consuming.

He’s my destruction, my end, my point of no return. He is my salvation, my respite, my beginning, my place of origin.

I would know him in insanity, as that is where I have come to know him. I know nothing of him. I would know him in death, as that is how far I will go for him. he knows nothing of me. I will know him in pain and sorrow, as that is all he brings me. He’s never uttered a word in my direction, not knowingly. To think he’s spared me a glance would be a mercy on my aching heart.

I couldn’t tell you his favorite color or what he does to fill his free time. I don’t know anything about him. He is part of me. We have never been one. He doesn’t even know how I stare, how I long and pine, how I would snatch my soul from the lord, how I would sell it to the devil himself for just a single kiss, a touch of the fingers, to snatch gently at a single wisp of his hair. Anything. Even the most miniscule of affections would be everything. For him to simply know my name, for him to look at me as I look at him would be enough.

though, in the end, I would never dare do such a thing, I would never curse him to share my fate, because I love him. I would never pray for him to be a sinner like me. He deserves the greatest of heavens, not to be licked at by flames, cursed for all of eternity to never know rest.

Yet, when I lie in bed longing that he is, that he nurtures this beautiful curse like a poisonous flower that grows in our chests. That we could be sinner’s together. Its shameful, horrific, cruel, but a feeling that I cannot shake.

It doesn’t help that his voice, the parables that fall from his lips, sound as though they are the words of God Himself. His laugh could cure sickness, the sound of his smile lilting his voice ever so slightly, could bring about the greatest of peace. it is etched into my memory, it plays in the softest of dreams and darkest of nightmares. I could pull it from a crowd, it is the only voice that matters. I believe that when I die, when I sink into hell, it will be his voice there, as it will be my greatest torture, it will be my greatest respite.

I see all that is horrid about him, the scars that mar his skin and burdens he carries on his shoulders, shattering his clavicles and crushing his vertebrates. I see all of the things that make him ugly and unwantable, and want him more. I see everything that is beautiful, that mark him an angel, and seek to honor him. Where some see a monster, I see something godsent. What some seek to lust, I seek to honor. I see his grace, his holy divinity. It is something untouchable.

He is divine, he is my greatest sin. He is an angel, a demon, the Christ reborn once more, an eldritch horror. In my heart he is mine.

Lord forgive me for I have sinned, I wish to fall flesh to flesh with another man, no, boy. We are boys. We are boys in love. I am a boy in love, he has the mercy of not knowing me. Forgive me lord for I lust, not to touch with any lude manner, but to hold his hand in mine, to feel the gentle roughness of his palm against my own. I wish to kiss his brow and wake to his sleep filled eyes, to see his bed head first hand, to feel how sleep warms his skin, how he would wrap his arms around me when he turns back over from hitting snooze. I wish to kiss him ever so gently. Forgive me lord for being in love, for wanting the simple pleasures, for doing it all wrong. I am wrong.

Am I wrong? If I am wrong, why would you create me like this?

I would surely die if I were to admit these thoughts to anyone but you, Lord, and even you will one day claim your revenge against me, you will come to smite my soul, but that is ok. Until then, I will simply thank you, for making me wrong, for creating such a beautiful sin, so that I may lust after your creation, one so heavenly, with the tainted innocence of a boy who was robbed of it with bible verses and the screams of preachers so long ago, but still clings to the idea of it. Of being pure and holy. Of loving innocently like the child I still feel myself to be.

Until the day my soul is consumed by the flames, I will tell you all about him. Until that day I will drag my chains, shackles, and cinder blocks so I can just bask in his light a little longer. Maybe one day I will hold his hand and pretend I do not feel your shame and humiliation. Maybe one day I will kiss him ever so softly, like two children on the playground, and I will act as though I am not damning myself, like we together are not damned to the flames. Maybe I was always meant to be sinner, maybe its worth it.

Yes, yes it’s worth it. I will commit a million sins, with prayers still on my tongue, with a love so deeply rooted in my chest that I still praise your name despite the disgust you surely hold for me, just to be with him. You can damn me, you can shame me, your holy messengers can attempt to change me, to beat me, to kill me, to snuff me out and take my love. But I will never not love my perfect sin. I will chose it every time.

I will be the boy, who loves another boy. I will sing hymns, wear my rosary, go to church, kneel in the pews with pride. I will hold his hand and love him for as long as he allows. I will feel the burn of hell under each strike of my feet upon your earth and be comforted by his hand in mine, and mine in his, the gentle roughness of his palms, the heavenly essence of his voice, the love of two sinners binding us together.

[happymakiday]

happy birthday, bee-loved 🐝

a precious soul was born in this exact day <3 thank you so much for existing and gracing the world with your tenderness.

meeting you is one of the greatest joys in my life. i like your wit, and i know i pretend to be annoyed when you provoke me with your teasings but the truth is, you make me laugh more than anyone else. i like your words, the way you always know what to say when i need them. i like your fascination with books, movies, hannigram, nail polishes, matchy and cute things, and the list goes on. please continue to fill me in with the things you're fond with <3

you are the prettiest, smartest and you have the cutest laugh ever. ;(

the world might have not been the kindest to you, but i know you'll reap something even bigger in the coming days, if not now. because good things happen to good people, and that's what you are.

i cherish our moments together. because of you, i'm certain what warmth and comfort is. you are soooo wonderful. most of all, you are loved. i hope you always remember that.

you can doubt anything else but not when i say that i'm proud of you, you are amazing, and that i like you so much!

you remind me of a lot of things and so i compiled some of the stuff that reminds me of you. i hope you like this little gift. and i hope you have fun and enjoy because you are the main character and the main event of this day <3 happy birthday my baby

from, joy.

[emptymanuscript]

Punisere

Punisere might give a character beliefs in:

Stories are more important than reality

Astrology

Loyalty is stronger than law or tradition

Law is the last resort of the dull witted

Tradition is the beginning of wisdom

Emotions are like storms, tumultuous and powerful but brief and passing

Freedom is the end of wisdom but you must reach the end to understand it

Trusting their instincts

Problems may become solutions

Everyone is family if you trace the lines long enough

Everyone is an enemy if you count every action they've ever taken

Only they dying should stay sedentary too long

Justice comes from love not form

Better a life lived well than a life lived safe

A person is not what they do, what they do comes from who they are

It’s likely to produce above average:

Comfort with a nomadic lifestyle

Cleverness with words

Freedom of expression and emotion

Disrespect for the laws and formalities of others

Curiosity

Resilience

Being raised in Punisere might give character drives like:

 Experience something of beauty or grace

Lead another to act despite fear or doubt

Uncover something about a mystery

Use your art to help those in need

Free someone from literal or figurative bonds

Give hope or cheer to someone who needs it

Deny mercy to an enemy

Give mercy to those who never expect it

Forget trespasses that are long gone

End someone or something’s suffering

Help an animal or spirit of the wild

Settle a conflict or dispute without bloodshed

Share a passionate moment with another

Get someone to act on factually false but emotionally true information

Show someone a place/thing of great beauty

Convince others to protect a thing of nature

Let a problem escalate while you brood

Cause trouble for your allies by acting rashly

Cause your allies trouble by adhering strictly to your oaths

Cause trouble by touching, opening, or tinkering with something

Infiltrate a secure or dangerous location

Create or discover something that helps other people

Take a major risk to acquire something valuable

Travel to or discover a spiritually significant place

Provide or be the catalyst for change in the world

Expose or reveal the true cause of a problem in the world

Uphold your personal code of honor despite the cost or inconvenience

Purposefully ignore class distinctions to cause inconvenience

Help something or someone grow or move on to the next step in the cycle

Utterly obliterate something significant or meaningful that you oppose

Endanger yourself to combat an unnatural threat

Spur others to significant and unplanned decisive action

Help someone deal with or overcome their personal problems

Stand up to a bully or tyrant, or forego comfort or advantage in order to do the right thing or help someone worse-off

Eschew a convention of the civilized world

But, of course, someone living as a Tri Poke out beyond the firm boundaries of Civilization might just as well be there as a way to distance themselves from the way people are back home. Though they'll have a hard time of it as being a Tri Poke will feel like taking home with them.

The Punisere Dessert may have been the heart of an Empire some time before their are any historical records but who can say for sure. Puniseri will tell you whichever story they think you want to hear as that's only polite. A good story is the best gift a Puniseri can give and if they have to lie a little to make the story good, well, that's them working for the greater good.

This makes it very difficult for outsiders to figure out what the hell is going on in Punisere and it's difficult enough for the Puniseri who live there. The Punisere is divided up by unmarked boundaries and complicated, often unspoken, clan loyalties. Some of the great migratory nations are so ancient that they were already ancient when most histories start. But new nations pop up and disappear all the time in the ravaging heat of the desert. Outsiders go mad trying to figure out which is which and who belongs to who and how the hell multiple nations can consist of the same people on the same sands at the same time. One nation might be the best friend of another. And the bitterest enemy of a third, to even state the name would be a crime. But a single person might belong to all three quite happily.

Puniseri who leave Punisere or come from a distant part of the desert know better than to try and figure it out and simply accept it without comment. They understand the complexity of bloodlines and the few communal legends that bind all Puniseri.

Whether they believe them true or not, all Puniseri know the legends of their people's origins. Long ago when humans were still a rarity, the stars of the constellation Orwolael looked down on the beauty of the world and fell in love with the beauty of the desert. They did not know the Punisere was hot because they saw the desert only after sunset was gone and only until sunrise wiped their vision away. One night, gazing at the dessert, they saw an eye winking back at them and their hearts were seduced by thinking the desert was growing stars to love them back. So fourteen of the fifteen stars rushed to the glow to profess their love, only the last, the meekest, thinking itself unworthy of such a gift remained shyly in the sky, and only it is called Orwolael now. But the fourteen who fell came to the winking light and found it was their own light glowing back at them from the water of a great oasis. They cried bitterly in their disappointment, stuck forever now on the desert sands, and their tears, purer than any stream that runs down from a mountain, filled up the oasis so deep that the water would never go dry, even in the hottest summer. And when they had cried themselves out and found no solace except their hesitant sibling's winking pity, they tried to drown themselves in the water. But tears cannot kill a thing, no matter how someone might wish it was so. Thus they stayed in the water and stewed in the heat and shivered in the cold, until travelers came to their great oasis. A heart that has loved may love again, no matter how bitter the love became and each of the stars fell in love with one of the travelers. They rose up out of the water and this time their love was returned, for nothing is as beautiful as a star and few loves more constant. And of their parings came the first fourteen clans of the Punisere from which all Puniseri are descended. And even now, if they look up at the stars in search of kin, they find their oldest relative still alive and loving in Orwolael and if the Puniseri are humble and ask the right questions, Orwolael will chivy its own children, the cousins of the desert, out among the stars to move to show a greater and wiser view of the world.

Through Orwolael's wisdom and its children's loyalty the Puniseri were taught and are still taught about their own loyalties and lives. They were taught how to breed the great lizards that became the dinosaurs. And, most precious of all, they were taught to breed the king of lizards, brave and loyal, clever and obedient. From Orwolael came the secret of the T-Rex and the riding of worthy mounts. And still the T-Rex's of the desert are most loved and best bred.

Most Puniseri are content to keep their ways and their legends in the heat of the many colors of sand. But sometimes, someone will look up and the stars have another message: that they must leave the desert and seek something in colder climes.

Unlike the rest of the Known World, Puniseri do not distinguish between the Eastern Wastes and the Punisere, it's simply another of the many colors of the desert and all have kin on both sides of the bore hole.

A Tri Poke who grew up in Punisere is someone who grew up in a very similar lifestyle to the one they now lead. They're easily adaptable to many situations and used to roughing it. Most of their problems will come from learning how to conform to all the expectations the rest of the world will have for them.