#might even make it worse in some sense—wouldn't you feel like you were going insane

[beforetimes]

tbh i think after logan resets the past at the end of days of future past and wakes up in this timeline that's better than he could ever imagine it'd be very hard for it to settle in his mind that this is real and he gets to keep it.

like, after decades of living in a dystopian hell he's not going to wake up in seemingly in paradise without having some sort of ptsd or residual nightmares from before where all his friends died horrible deaths that he couldn't stop. i feel like to him, scott and jean would feel more like ghosts than people for a good while because if we're operating under the assumption that days of future past happened in the same timeline that the original trilogy happened in, it would've been about half a century since logan had last seen the two of them alive and well. i feel like to him it would be similar to knowing you're dreaming and waiting for the other shoe to drop the whole way through.

and then after that there's the fact that he has no idea who he is in this timeline now—that's what i feel was implied, anyway, with how he woke up years in the future and couldn't remember anything past 1973. but he still has relationships built up with the people there and he's an entirely different logan than the one who woke up in his place. so i feel there would be some fumbling there as well, to figure out those relationship dynamics again. unless you just want to assume that things went about the same as the og trilogy minus the plot of the last stand.

idk! i feel logan wouldn't bounce back as fast as it seems he would. think he would have nightmares and be overly-wary and always feel like he's on the cusp of losing this too good to be true world he's stepped into. but i also feel he would soften some of his rougher edges—in the og trilogy he seems more like a flight-risk than anything, still bouncing from place to place and coming back to the x-mansion for a few people, but here he would stay for more than just jean and rogue—clings on for all the kids he couldn't save the first time and the allies who became close friends over the course of them living out that first dystopian future only he remembers. just thinking out loud

[monstermoviedean]

i so so get your feelings about the michael arc as a whole, just spilling some added thoughts here, feel free to ignore, i just wanted to make it an ask so this mess wouldn't be an rb

the michael arc has a whole other layer of unfairness to me because it follows so much of the same plot threads as sam's issues with lucifer in season 4-5 and then hurts dean in a way they never hurt sam. when sam was panicked over what being lucifer's vessel meant and running around on cases, dean supports him (despite getting no sympathy when michael is also revealed). in s14 however sam not only, obviously, actively brings up dean's very valid fears like they're just him abandoning family (sammy, honey, look at your track record) and works behind his back with others. sam in the cage = dean in the malak box. but dean trusted sam to let him go, no matter how much it killed him. sam frames dean doing the exact same thing as another issue of trust. also also also if i remember right, sam wasn't even possesed by lucifer as long as dean and cas were by the archangels!!! not dismissing his cage trauma ofc, but there is a very clear level of repression that sam is trying to keep concerning everything, which also leads him making some bullheaded statements to dean.

like it's insane how they speedran the archangel vessel trauma from s4-s5 with michael, but proceeded to have no aftermath resolution for any of it. nor did they have sam really support and dare i say, comfort, dean, the way the reverse happened. (and obviously dean made his own mistakes in s4-s5 with sam, but the ratio is completely different). anyways, just found the repeated themes interesting and thought you might too

oh this is soooooo tasty thank you so much!!! i especially love it when people send me stuff like this that helps me connect dots. i hadn't connected the dots on how much of a speedrun this is! but holy crap. it really is!

they spend almost all of season 5 working on the lucifer + michael vessel buildup, and then most of season 6 and part of season 7 deals with the aftermath of sam's decision to say yes. to be clear, i don't have any issue with that! it makes sense in context and a lot of it is well-done. and i certainly don't begrudge the show for highlighting sam's feelings about being lucifer's vessel. but even if we round down, even if we say it's just one season of sam having this vessel arc, that's still way, way more than dean got.

i don't want this to sound like "wah sam got more screen time than dean" because that's absolutely not my issue. my issue is that both in their universe and in our universe, sam and dean can have the same exact problem and their problems can be assigned different levels of weight and attention. is this 100% true 100% of the time? no, of course not. but when it comes to being a vessel, the effects on sam are highlighted. the effects on dean are downplayed.

like you said - even in s5 dean barely gets to react to being michael's vessel. he gets one episode (05x18) to really consider it and we all know how that goes for him. and in s13-14 it's just as minimized. dean gets less than 5 minutes in 13x23 to concoct his plan. this isn't something he's agonized over. this isn't something that is foreshadowed even a little bit. and then dean is possessed for an unknown length of time. in my opinion, it was probably a few months.

that's a huge deal. that is a HUGE deal. even if he's possessed for the minimum amount of time necessitated by the episodes, it's still probably a month. i don't remember how long sam was possessed for in 05x22, but i'm pretty sure it was less than a month.

is length of time the only thing that matters here? nope! definitely not! in no way do i mean to suggest that dean automatically had it worse than sam simply because he was possessed for longer. as you point out, the cage.

but this brings me to one of my biggest issues with the whole arc: sam not showing a single speck of empathy for dean. as you noted - sam is going through it, he is feeling emotions and recalling memories that he has repressed, and i understand why those could come out in ways that are less than healthy. totally get it. but it is still just downright awful to watch sam talk to dean the way he does, especially knowing sam has been exactly where dean was.

dean doesn't do a perfect job handling sam being lucifer's vessel. no doubt. i don't remember it that well at this point; it's been a while since i've seen season 5. but look at what he says to sam when sam has made up his mind to say yes:

SAM: You're gonna let me say yes? DEAN: No. That's the thing. It's not on me to let you do anything. You're a grown – well, overgrown – man. If this is what you want, I'll back your play. SAM: That's the last thing I thought you'd ever say. DEAN: Might be. I'm not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, truth is… You know, watching out for you… it's kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it's… it's kinda who I am. You're not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can't keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don't know if we got a snowball's chance. But… But I do know that if anybody can do it… it's you. SAM: Thank you.

dean says it's not up to him to decide for sam, and while he doesn't necessarily like his decision, he respects it. and he wants sam to know that. he goes out of his way to comfort sam and to build him up, to support him. and it's a shocking contrast to what sam says when dean tells him about the ma'lak box plan. it's even more shocking when compared to sam trying to talk dean out of it.

does sam need to be 100% supportive and kind all the time? nope! but the way he goes about this is just so incredibly self-centered and so actively harmful to dean. as you mentioned - he frames it as dean abandoning his family. he also suggests dean is "giving up," "quitting," refusing to believe in/trust sam. i yelled about this yesterday but sam is, whether intentionally or not, picking at all of dean's worst fears while dean is facing down another worst fear and feeling shame for feeling fear. sam says and does some pretty awful things and dean does not get to respond to any of it. he just moves on. it's like it's not his story so it doesn't matter what he feels or how he's treated.

and to know that all of this gets heaped on dean - guilt for saying yes, guilt for letting michael out, guilt for "leaving the door open," guilt for what michael did, guilt for not being "strong enough" to keep him contained, guilt for "abandoning" sam, plus the very VERY real trauma of being possessed for a long stretch of time, plus what's about to happen to mary and jack - to know all of this happens back-to-back-to-back? that's hard enough. but to not even let him react to any of it? to force him to keep going as if this is all business as usual and he should just suck it up? so much worse.

and i'm just going to go ahead and assume sam never apologizes for any of it. i may be wrong. please correct me if i'm wrong.

[very-straight-blog]

This might sound funny and cringey, but I feel like I lost something I cared about and now it's just sadness and depression. Like it's a TV show, I get it, but we waited 2 years and for what? To get the two worst episodes imaginable. I'm really starting to believe that Sapochnik was responsible for everything good in s1, bcz Condal and Hess ruined this show. S1 wasn't perfect and I didn't like a lot of things in it, but it still managed to keep me invested so I hoped that in s2 everything would be improved. And yet, I'm so terribly disappointed. Alicent's characterization makes no sense anymore, like they want so badly to show her as a bad mother and a hypocrite and really - after ruining bnc with Alicole sex now it had to follow with her not being able to console her son but hoping on Criston is a must do?? What sort of degenerates write this??

Aemond is also ruined for me and I would love to erase that crappy brothel scene from my memory. What was it for? To show his mommy issues, vulnerability... Idc. The dialogue was bad and they did him dirty with the angles and the pose. And now he's apparently going to be there *again* in e3 and we'll get full frontal nudity. Idk why the actor agreed to this since they are obviously making a joke and meme material of his character. Not to mention that he straight up lied in the promos about being loyal (if the RR leaks are true and I'm almost 100% sure they are). I get that they are told what to say, but a more general answer would have been much better than a lie. In brief, one of my favourite s1 characters is also destroyed.

Then Cole. My god, I only waithig for him to look at the camera and say "do you hate me enough already hahah?" He's the writers punching bag atp.

Helaena barely exists.

Otto is Viserys' fanboy and ofc, appalled by his grandson. It's not as he just has lost a son and was forced to take the crown in the first place by him and his mother, no less.

Aegon got more screentime and I love Tom's performance, but I'm not fooled. He is still depicted as weak, politically inept and rash. And he'll still be a bully, apparently. Just to justify his brother's treason. F*ck you Condal, Hess and whoever else is responsible for this mess.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just don't get how anyone can seriously praise this shitshow anymore. It could have been great, but the creators are obviously not up to the task which is now painfully obvious. I wouldn't mind the greens as villains, but don't write them as a walking joke. I'm quitting the show and would like just to forget about it. This adaptation of the Dance was a huge mistake.

I feel you! By the way, I haven't participated in any fandom life, I think, for 10 years or more, but thanks to HOTD, I started this blog, I write some critical (well, kinda) reviews, and English isn't even my native language. I've been waiting for the second season for two years and now I just feel tired and empty. So far, the only thing I've liked about these two episodes is Aegon's storyline, that's all. Everything else is bad, very bad, and judging by the leaks, it'll be even worse.

Firstly, the series has a very strange pace of the narrative. We didn't get a bunch of important plot scenes, and even those that remained were shown in a hurry, but at the same time we have many scenes like "Rhaenyra stares at the dust for three minutes", unnecessary dialogues and PAUSES between lines.

Secondly, again, an insane amount of important plot details are left behind the scenes and this is absolutely wrong. Aemond's return home, the family's reaction to what he did. Aegon's reaction when he learned of his son's death. Aemond's reaction when he finds out what his actions have led to. And so on and so forth. Many of the characters' actions are shown without context. Alicent fucks with Criston - cool, but can I have some additional information? How long has this been going on, what feelings do they have for each other, how have they developed, like, anything? The same can be said about the scene in the brothel - no context.

Thirdly, it's unclear what's going on with the characters, as if the screenwriters decided to make the greens the most unpleasant people in the world. So far, I only like Aegon and Helaena. I can't even say anything about Aemond, because his only dialogue scene is built around Daemon and Luke, damn them. I just can't.

Everything annoys me except Aegon lol. So yes, I understand you.

[juniorig0327]

RGS (Revamped God Swap) AU pt. idk

Okay I think I've finally settled on a heritage for Percy and pretty much most of the characters I've mentioned that aren't Thalia or Nico.

Percy - I've decided Percy is going to be the Son of Poseidon and Juno now before I get roasted hear me out lol.

Percy isn't Juno's child in a traditional sense but more like how Jason was Juno's champion but a bit more than that.

After Percy was born, Sally ended up praying for protection for him to basically any goddess that would listen as she sort of knew he'd lead a more tragic life than others and Juno ended up listening and embedded some of her essence in him, sort of like a blessing and Juno basically just adopted him (especially after Sally dies in this AU because I'm evil like that).

But similar to Jason in canon, Percy doesn't really meet Juno, but he does meet Hera which is a bit more prone to disliking him but doesn't like outright hate him. She's kinda just thinking "why embed my power in a son of POSEIDON?? What were you thinking Juno" but like by the end Hera definitely comes around.

He'd also be a legacy of Sol like in my original plans but he wouldn't really get any major insane abilities out of it, if he did maybe something to do with light but I'm not sure I could link light to his water, storm, and air (from Juno) related powers properly so I might not touch that...

Gabe Ugliano is still a thing. I say this because I feel like its a big part of his character because some big parts of his character is his low self esteem, his loyalty, his anger, and I feel like some of the bigger and even smaller parts about his character (possibly) stem from his circumstances and how he was raised, especially in TLT. So I'm opting to keep him in here.

Percy at the beginning would have twice the enemies. Not only is Hades after him, but Zeus is too (because of the Juno thing) so when Percy fights the minotaur even with Hades intentions to save Sally as a bargaining chip, Zeus intervenes and so Sally ends up dying against the Minotaur.

So Percy ends up with his only friend, Grover by his side. And in this timeline there's no Annabeth so while he's at camp and especially after his claiming he's alone. He still goes on the quest and doesn't save his mother but he does retrieve the helm and master bolt because it's what his mom would've wanted him to do- to help.

Percy does go back home (and he does kill Gabe Ugliano because he deserves way worse than being frozen as a statue). And from there he becomes a year round camper because he has nobody to go back to, he didn't really have any friends or family so he's all alone.

Eventually I'd say he does meet Paul through Rachel and finally deciding to go home after the labyrinth and a few mist trickery things later ends up going to Goode because of Rachel and meets Paul and Paul basically ends up adopting him at some point (and also Fredrick Chase after meeting Annabeth and then her dad).

Annabeth - Annabeth would be after thinking hard and long about it a Roman child of Apollo. She'd go a long time thinking that she just didn't have powers until she finally comes in contact with the Romans (yeah I read a Roman!Annabeth story and got this idea so yeah). I also don't think she'd run away in this timeline, especially because the baby was intentional (and also because she's a legacy of Athena.) Freddy would be a good parent in this timeline and take care of his daughter lol. So in this timeline she doesn't meet Thalia AND Luke but possibly one of them.

I think Freddy would be similar to Sally and just wanting to keep his daughter as long as possible, so he and her would make a lot of trips to camp half-blood when Annabeth was younger during the summers and weekends, sort of like trips for certain periods of time. Freddy being of demigod heritage himself wouldn't want Annabeth to be at camp half-blood, especially knowing that Chiron sends KIDS on quests (Fredrick might've been at CHB once, got sent on a quest when he was younger and he was the only one who survived and never went on one again and left it behind as soon as he turned 18) so his home would be equipped with Celestial Bronze weapons. Freddy sometimes would get too caught up in Annabeth's safety that Annabeth feels more so trapped and guarded from every little thing which would lead to Annabeth running away after an argument about a monster attack which would lead to Lupa finding her.

Freddy is eventually put in the loop about where Annabeth is: Camp Jupiter and despite everything, she becomes a child soldier anyways. But Annabeth being at CJ is the best thing ever. All of a sudden she has all these cool powers (which I want to go more in depth about in another post) and she's living her dream, she's always wanted to fight, always wanted a quest. But eventually she finds out it isn't as hyped as it's made out to be and decides to simply come back home because even though he handled it in a bad way, she finally understands why he kept her away from CHB and from fighting monsters.

Thalia - Thalia's backstory is pretty similar to canon. She's the daughter of Zeus, but the daughter of two different aspects, the chthonic earth Zeus (which was a version of Zeus in certain parts of Greece, and also plays a part in her fear of her air powers) and God of Storms and Lightning Zeus so she's way more dangerous. She comes from a pagan family and Beryl was a huge worshipper and legacy of Aphrodite.

Thalia runs away and meets Luke like in canon but doesn't meet Annabeth. They end up getting to camp but shit hits the fan when Luke is sent on a quest. Luke is excited, really excited he can finally prove his worth and get the campers to trust him but only Thalia comes back (with the apples) but no Luke, no other demigod comes back.

But Thalia is different now. Besides the scar etched on her face like a painful reminder somethings changed. She's much more volatile and dangerous to be around. She also doesn't seem to age much either, she doesn't really grow- not really. After she reaches 15 she sort of just stops, like she's stuck in time and nobody thinks about it- not really. Percy comes to camp and Thalia teaches him. She tutors him the best she can, along with trying to steer his way of thinking. She stays at camp until the end of summer, where at the end she tries to kill Percy (she's been trying to hold on as long as possible and convince him, she doesn't want to hurt Percy, not really but Kronos is offering her power and a world where kids don't have to go on quests ever again. And if Kronos has to coerce her into killing a kid so be it).

Luke - Luke, the son of Hades. Luke who's mother was driven insane when Hades offered her godhood, Luke's mother who couldn't handle the power of the underworld and is slowly withering away, so he ran away. Luke is similar to Nico (in TTC) when he finds out what he is though, he gets to have a purpose and life and he free from his mom, and Thalia is an added bonus he likes very much.

Luke is nearly 16 when he's offered his quest and readily accepts (I aged him down a bit to fit my insane story) but he dies- or he thinks so. He's swallowed by the Earth and next thing he knows he wakes up and everything's different.

Thalia is gone and there's this guy named Percy? And he comes back to camp and after finding out what happened suddenly everything's too much. The attention and expectations were easier because Thalia carried them with him. But now she's gone and suddenly everything's up to him. Percy tries to help and grows closer to him and Luke cant help himself, he reminds him too much of Thalia. But Thalia makes him an offer and Luke can't bring himself to refuse. Thalia was always Luke's everything and if he becomes the villain everyone at camp was expecting him to be then so be it, right?

Clarisse - Daughter of Nike (Legacy of Glaucus). Clarisse being raised in a militaristic home, being from a lineage which is basically all military soldiers and demigods, being pushed to be the best- to win. Clarisse had always known she was a demigod since like- forever and so ever since she could remember she's been molded, training, fighting even in the smallest of ways like withholding emotions and being trained in weaponry.

She's eventually found by Coach Hedge however and taken to CHB. She doesn't get claimed until after SOM where once she comes back with the fleece she's claimed by Nike and Glaucus (Glaucus would be the one who gave her the boat in this AU and the warriors are simply dead navy men.) Clarisse doesn't join the titan army even though she's tempted at times, because she knows Percy will lead CHB to victory.

Their relationship doesn't start as hostile but definitely slowly grows hostile overtime. Clarisse has been training her entire life for this life, but Percy gets most of the quests, he leads the quests and sometimes does stupid things that don't lead to victory. Clarisse's fatal flaw, hubris gets the better of her and eventually their conflict comes to a head and the camp becomes divided but eventually they talk and reconcile. She finds out they're more alike than they think, and that he's just a kid and she learns that she's just a kid too and she decides he'll bring this kid victory, that he'll rage and fight for him.

I've been writing this for like an hour but this is part one, not everyone's going to get a godly parent swap but I just wanted to go over some basic characters for this one so uh enjoy. Next post will prob be more god swap stuff, either other parentages or going into depth about these (five?) and their powers.

[theskyexists]

The golden enclaves

Ok so i like how this starts with: Orion has been unutterably stupid

Please tell me that we will find out why

This was devastating.

But also WHY IS ORION SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT HE PROMISED TO GO WITH HER AND INSTEAD HE MADE HER LOSE HIM FOR NO REASON TO A FUCKING MAWMOUTH LIKE HER DAD WAS FUCKING LOST BUT NOT KILLED BECAUSE THE VICTIMS DONT DIE THEYRE DIGESTED FOREVER IN ETERNAL PAIN Jezus Naomi god it really is horrific what is up with this

Also, and I say this with absolute extreme disdain, El seriously only just now realised that she has perfect combat synergy with Orion and she COULD have destroyed Patience and freed her father from the eternal torment of being digested? Like......seriously? Did Liesel not even realise this, who is the only one with any brains? (I realise that Liesel at least had different priorities)

Also I am going to explain Orion's craziness and personality change in book 2 as such: he didn't have any mals to eat and so he went mad. He decided, like the piece of shit that he is, that he'd prefer to do months of battle against mals because at least he wouldn't be hungry.

The funny thing is that book 2 ESTABLISHED that El has ZERO absolutely ZERO idea of what goes on in Orion's head. Like. She doesn't get him AT ALL. So her prevaricating on how he's so misunderstood and pushed to be what everybody sees in him - he ALREADY TOLD YOU HE JUST LOVES EATING MALS HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT ANYONE OR ANYTHING HE JUST LOVES EATING MALS EL STOP BEING AN IDIOT AND PROJECTING YOUR OWN SHIT ON THIS POOR BOY

She's literally comparing herself to him again. Look he was a hero and I was an evil witch. Everybody thought that and wanted that from us. EL HE DIDNT FUCKING CARE OK????? Worse, (and it makes sense in this moment), she somehow threads her mum's direct look at his soul into this narrative as some kind of reinforcement of it. He didn't care El. He didn't care. He's just a hungry boy.....

In fact, I cannot remember her classmates ever hating El. Because....they didn't even know she was fated to be an evil witch archetype? They just avoided her bc she wasn't an asset to their survival they thought which was so absurdly idiotic since EL IS A GODDAMN MAL EXTERMINATOR and she never told anyone because of her stupid fucking hangups she could have been a fucking prep and made everybody's lives so much better so much earlier

'because he thought it was his job to make a way out for everybody but him'

This is why I didn't like the second book so much. El is so obviously delusional about this guy.

I cannot STAND IT!!!! HE LITERALLY TOLD YOU HE HAS NO HERO COMPLEX EL!!!! YOU WERE HAVING YOUR LOVELY FIRST TRY AT SEX WITH THIS COOL GUY AND HE SAID: NAH EL. I JUST LIKE TO EAT!!! MALS!!!!!

And the weird thing is she GOT it. When she was getting his mana as he was zipping around pulverising them she was like: OH he loves this. I guess I was wrong. So why are we back here??? Or do I remember that wrong??

I've forgotten how the magic system works. Shit. Malia? Oh yeah.... There was some sort of prophecy. She was gonna bring the enclaves down and kill lots of people or soemthing. so why the fuck did they leave the payment open???

Oh yeaaaahhh the enclaves got hit

"She really did an excellent job of making it seem perfectly ludicrous for me to be living quietly in my own home instead of keeping close tabs on the latest news from international wizarding circles."

LOL

Can seriously nothing kill a mawmouth but El? How is that even POSSIBLE. How did enclaves ever work then? The moment a mawmouth gets in its over

How the fuck is Liesel THIS good at manipulating El. Oh my god.

Her saying: hey bitch, stop feeling sorry for yourself, your boyfriend being dead, no thank you by the way for saving all of ours lives, I don't care about your other problems, or that you might want a break from the horrors with your mum, also come help me out with the worst most insanely horrible creature in the world AGAIN because I know only you can do it. Bitch. Your house sucks

That worked....

She's going to London to fight another fucking Mawmouth - something her mother doesn't even KNOW SHES DONE YET - and leaves her behind without even a hug of goodbye. AFTER FOR YEARS OF TERROR. I honestly....I'm speechless. I started to suspect El was insanely dumb in book 2 but damn, she really is perhaps the dumbest protag I have ever known barring Korra

I love Liesel. Liesel saw El, FOR WHAT SHE WAS, and she CALLED HER OUT,, and said: you are such a stupid fucking idiot. In book 2. Thank god she's around. She's the only good thing out of book 2 really in my opinion. She says to El: you are insanely powerful. You could change the whole world. Now DO IT! Stop sniveling in the fucking dirt!

Ok there we go. There's my El. 'i eyed him in enormous irritation' her fucking disdain for the preps is my endless delight. Even to her enormous personal disadvantage.

Oh I see. It's like Naomi novik read my harry potter post about the wizards being the Fae.

I remember reinterpreting els prophecy into its super obvious good meaning but can't remember what it was.

How the fuck can Enclaves be based in Malia if that's not allowed (murder? But that's illegal.)

Oh what??? There's still working wizards out there working on keeping the enclave running??? Oh damn. Ok so the class hierarchy becomes explicitly about adult production.

Liesel made her angry again. Made El who she is again.

Why isn't everybody fucking fleeing dude??? Why are there still even people there? Grt the fuck out! The enclave is compromised! Get out with your damn lives you preps!

Oh my god. Go after it! It's fucking going after someone else!!! Oh my god go after it guys!!! IT WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM EL???? CAN MAWMOUTHS KNOW SUCH THINGS?

I have to say. Naomi made a deeply op protag and is now taking a more powerful hammer to the self-delusion that El mysteriously developed about her own power.

Liesel, impervious to El's natural intimidation vibes.

Oof i love all the delicate injustices and horrors in Liesel's life. Ok no. I no longer do. It's too painful

'“So it’s better to have power, and it’s stupid not to take it when you have the chance.'

Yeah. In fact. If I was Liesel I'd be beyond furious at El. Somebody so gifted, SO powerful, and she's just pissing it all away.

Jezus christ. Jezus christ! Liesel! A sensible person of intelligence????

Oh right. The prophecy. Killing thousands doom destruction. WHO IS GETTING KILLED EL COME ON THINK!!! THINK FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODSDAMNED LIFE!!!!! or tell Liesel about the stupid prophecy and she'll do it for you -_-

It was a nice thought though, letting the commuters into the garden but damn, yeah they're gonna obviously only be enthralled.

A TERTIARY ORDER ENTITY.

LIESEL WAS TRYING TO SNAG EL THE ELDRITCH WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE IS FOR HER HIGHLY EFFECTIVE POWER THROUPLE?

And I mean. Alfie is literally bound to El too. Wait. Is Orion actually not coming back...? Are we never getting answers? El's gonna fall for Alfie and Liesel? No....

Love how Liesel and Alfie protectively jump up and go: OUR entity. Lol

Oh ok so the compulsions off. She doesn't think he'd help her after she saved his dad, his home, oh yeah saved the whole school that he felt responsible for, and didn't even insist on keeping him as a slave.

I must admit, I did not at all expect El to be hanging out with Alfie and Liesel after all that. I thought, more like her team, but yeah they're not exactly in England. Isn't there travelling magic. Also I expect that Claire or whatever had a family member eaten by the mawmouth.

I was thinking that: won't commute from an enclave be really dangerous? So. Yes. But like. Why then even work for them. Oh ok so you could just go live in a villages with a few other wizards in a circle

Sometimes novik is not consistent about the vulnerability of adult wizards. But this description seems more apt.

Liesel coming in to say 'stop it!' to eldritch monster entity El like she isn't going over the deep end suddenly and very badly. And succeeding. And then getting Yancy to say what El wants to know. Wow they're a good team. I propose Orion/El/Liesel/Alfie super extreme power ..... Thing? Uh. Bridge structure?

El seriously is like: hm. Why is Liesel helping me now? Already turned her down....

El. You saved the whole school. You made that possible. You killed three MAWMOUTHS. You treat Liesel like a person you respect. You are a fucking entity who could do incredible things with a whole lot of help on the bits you suck so terribly at. Liesel owes you, thinks you're a good person, and is probably genuinely into you, also you need HELP. In so many damn ways. Being sensible, getting around in the world, being smart, getting it together.

Liesel has the most practical magic in the world. Wait. Holy fuck. Is Liesel like...Hermione???? Like powerful power top Hermione???

Wow. Damn. Amazing sex scene here. It makes me laugh in delight almost. Wow Liesel is an insanely stabilising influence. Literally kissing the trauma out of her head for a bit. (Edit: uh is there a fanfic version of this out there...?)

There was something so absolutely wrong with Orion and everybody kept trying to tell El and she never saw it because he became a person FOR HER. And she keeps trying to blame his family but his family probably endlessly tried to connect with him but he was just hunting mals. His father responding like this- just absolutely devastated over Orion finally having acted like a human being with somebody is enormous proof. Uh yeah and the rest of the chapter confirms this explicitly.

It really is harry potter but cooler and grittier and more horrifying and more interesting. Our dark'ness dementia ravenway.... The bit about how really witches when caught up in the witch hunt really can't get themselves out because the 'mundanes' negate it by the disbelief.... A direct reference to Rowling's note about witches making the fire tickle and going in for multiple rounds. Also the whimsical magic. But it doesn't have that magic to the magic. It's uneasy.

Man. So that's why novik repeated el's misconceptions of Orion in her time of grief. To finally disembowel them conclusively later in this book.

Yeah. The big question is. Why did Orion become a human being for El?

I love how aadhya and Chloe and Liesel are all instantly INSTANTLY like oh fuck El sees evil she's evil. They are still an extremely well oiled team

Ok but like, El could just grab new York's mana pool right. But yeah she'd become like ophelia

Lol right. By destroying so many mals ( i really didn't think the estimation had been 92 percent but ok) the enclaves lose their power. That's how El has already smashed them....

Oh wow. I forgot about that malia is stealing life force.... And mals come from Malia....

Which means.....that Ophelia is a huge maleficar and Orion is a big old mal. But she certainly is smart enough to say: we should look into reproducing what you did

Damn.ophelia is smart. She's really doing some magic economics

I really didn't know enclaves were built on malia. I think that's a retcon actually. Not just that El didn't know though also that naturally. It's to make this numbers game fit - to say - there's another numbers game beneath the numbers game - to make the mana and malia interactions fit. And well done novik for that

Because the golden enclave really does become the better solution.

I'm not sure how El going in to kill patience is going to help her recover the scholomance though. I mean. Turns out El could have just cleaned the whole place up all along but yknow. I already knew that.

Why did they ever even send Orion away. They could have just unleashed him endlessly on the enclave's mals. Probably infinitely safer and more pleasant for the enclaves children.

Is El really going forward with this? His mum is a maleficer oh poor poor hero boy Orion.... He was never loved. HE LOVED THE SCHOLOMANCE FOR THE MALS EL NOT BECAUSE HIS MOM HIS AN ETHICAL EVIL MAGIC HACKER

Oh no...please tell me that isn't Chloe's only role. She came late to the team but she was fourth!

Aadhya??? WHAT is Liesel's deal? Uhhhh she ran the whole thing? She made everything possible? Do you think she did that because she's a steely selfish bitch? No.

It was a moment of both weakness and total insanity in the literal senses of the word. So maybe you can thank Liesel for sexing El back into a somewhat functional state Aad

'Liesel made an impatient dismissive gesture. “Yes! You have a hook in her yourself. And why will we yank on these hooks? To make her protect us, save our lives? She will do that for strangers, for nothing. What else? You are her ally. Have you asked her to do anything for you? To make someone give you an enclave place, or an artificer contract? Why not?Because you are also a great martyr, who does not want these things?” She snorted as Aadhya scowled at her. “No! You don’t ask because you know she would say no. I tried asking myself. But she will do nothing selfish for herself, much less anyone else. And she is not wrong,” she added, in a grudging tone of having been unwillingly persuaded. “She is too powerful. Once she started, there would be nowhere to stop. So there is only one use of our hooks: to help her stop. You had better be glad that I have one, and hold tight to yours, too.”'

I fucking love Liesel. What the fuck

Lololololol

Oh my god. El angry at Liesel AGAIN for....offering exactly what she needs and wants and doing so perfectly. Lolololololloll

Oh my god is this the garden in sintra with all its fun fake-magic masonry caves and structures???

IT IS!!! I LOVE THAT GARDEN!!! If you're just out to chill and stroll and tramp around lovely fake natural structures that still look cool!

Sad the characters are experiencing such frustration in such a lovely place.

Adult Disneyland....you're killing me novik. It really was a nice place. I mean I was there when there weren't many other people. It was just nice gardens with caves.

Novik describes the portalling system for the scholomance. Yes. It still doesn't make any sense.

Ok but like the gardens are closed at night. Mals can get in no problem.

What im getting from this is that i had incredible timing and normally that garden is packed with horrible tourists

So....how is it that El has a direct link to New York's mana pool THROUGH the pool right into the scholomance?? Because all the wards are down? Ok but uhhhhh it's out in the void??? That's the whole point

UHHHH actually El I don't think you felt Patience scrying for Orion you just felt Orion

How the fuck is Liesel like, exactly the sharp cold sense that El actually WANTS every time?

Ohh ok so Ophelia somehow did make Orion as he is. Somehow.

Well OBVIOUSLY the Malia source is fucking horrible if it can bring an enclave into being. Like come on. Probably produces a mawmouth or something. And you gotta feed it 50 people or whateve

Damn. They're gonna turn Liu into a mawmouth. Its a sacrifice. Uh Novik. You better not go there.

Wow they were gonna make Liu a mawmouth and make her eat her closest full grown wizard family? I think so. Lets see. Go El!

I KNEW IT!!!!!!! WHAT IS THE WORST AND MOST POWERFUL MAL? WHAT IS THE GREATEST PIECE OF MAGIC AND MALIA? AN ENCLAVE

fucking hell. They're squeezing Liu into a mawmouth. Fuck.

No..her hand...

When I am very moved by a scene, i read it out, the first time. This was the scene.

Oof. Orion just ate some wizards. Surely he has less deadly weapons???? He really is a mal

Uh

Oh he actually really is a maw mouth mal? He's a fucking maw mouth? Her dads now inside fortitude inside patience inside Orion, still getting endlessly tortured. Uh...

'for all I knew' NO. DEFINITELY YOUR DAD

Well idk he's had pretty good control so far. Just unfortunate those damn Beijing council guys tried to kill El

Aadhya and Liesel going into negotiations as proxies for El who'd absolutely fuck them up lol

What a coincidence! You wanted to go to India. Now youve been invited to India! She gets angry

OH. MY. GOD. El actually learned a lesson. Asking for help. And of the right person. Liesel.

Wait a minute. She's been destroying the enclaves. By destroying the maw mouths. The maw mouths REMAIN the foundation. So those 'random' attacks. They were her destroying the enclave foundations while still on scholomance. They're lined up.

So if she kills this maw mouth - but still, why wouldn't her new foundation hold up. Oh she realises it completely too. Shit. I forgot that Salta and Bangkok simply died. She did that

Well honestly, Orion isn't such a bad solution, except the mawmouths in him don't die and also apparently he can't help himself eat people now....

LIESEL KNEW???????? WHAT THE FUCK?!!!!! SHES EVEN SMARTER THAN ME??????

Then surely there must be a foundation in the scholomance. And perhaps Orion is now carrying the mawmouth that pins it.

What the fuck do you mean this ain't a trolley problem. Just start in on propping up all the damn foundations with some real ones El. Then go on a lil maw mouth hunt

Ok but she doesn't even call her mother. Right. She can't. Forgot. She doesn't even DREAM AT HER MOTHER. Or some other magical communication. Not even about the family welcoming her after all or the true meaning of the prophecy

Actually since when is El capable of just catching others spells. And get mana from them?? Like some sort of scholomance? Oh yeah she s just so horrridly op

She's....catching bullets out of the air. And...turning people into stone temporarily with them. Fucking absolute lol

I get the sense that novik got lost in the Sintra garden... Like multiple times. Which is very hilarious because my god. It is very easy.

So weird to have fond and vague memories of this precise settting

Ok so i was right. And Naomi novik is a little bit of a genius for this. Real Orion, the realest Orion, was the Orion of book 1. The genuine hero. When there were fewer and fewer mals to eat in book 2, he became more and more maw mouth, started behaving strangely.

Oof. Better run El. He's about to start..... Eating.

What a fucking BASTARD. COULD HAVE AT LEAST HELD ON ONTO EL WAS NOT AT LEAST S HUNDRED STEPS AWAY

Damn El people are getting EATEN OVER THERE HELLO STOP FUCKING STALLING

The thing is all this time I've been thinking CANT YOU KILL THE BITS AND NOT THE BOY. KILL THE MAW MOUTH BITS BUT NOT THE BOY? THE BOY ISNT SOME ORGAN THAT CANT BE AUTONOMOUS. YOU COULD SURELY EXTRACT HIM WHOLE BECAUSE HE IS. YOU HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL INDIVIDUALLY REALLY ANYWAY

Oh my god. No

She did something much more

Damn. I remember wishing el would become child guardian in the scholomance but it's true that Orion would also do very well

But he's not getting mana out ...wait. he can still extract mana out of mals he snaps into the void? Uh ok.

That book made a lot of sense. And was very very very good.

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 13: I TAKE A PERMANENT VACATION

Merry Christmas to all who celebrate it! This is a depressing freaking chapter to infuse the holiday with, lol.

For everyone else, I hope you enjoy your day and your life and your year and the hour you spend reading my insanity!

PJOPJOPJOPJO

Nico read the new chapter title with a sense of ill. The idea of running across Percy's ghost had come to him plenty in the darkest parts of that maze, he'd been convinced for months at a time those would be his only friends. The one who had gotten Bianca killed had himself died in his own Greek tragedy of trying to come after him and becoming lost in a place Nico was slowly conquering, but Nico would find his wandering spirit and nurse him back enough to guide him to where he needed to go.

The idea that Percy might have died in this volcanic eruption and he didn't even get a hint of knowing that disturbed him slightly less than his old creepy thoughts about how his part in this would end, so he tried to read like it was any other.

"Oh hell," Magnus yelped. "Are we finally going to get an explanation for how you wound up down here? Are you permanently sleeping with the fishes? Did someone," he cut his finger across his throat with sound and everything.

"I don't think I'm actually dead," Percy studied his still trembling hands with uncertainty though, patting absently at his shirt and pants too to make sure it was real.

"And it wouldn't explain the rest of the books?" but Jason's sounded more like stacked questions, because really none of this made to much sense given they had no answers to start with outside of a gods will.

"As far as I'm aware, you are not actually dead," Thalia managed casually enough, but she dreaded this chapter more than anyone. Calypso was not a myth she'd ever dealt with personally, and she knew all she'd be hearing while Nico read was Annabeth's desperate voice through their connection begging her to help find an answer other than the obvious. She'd been prepared to go down to Tartarus and drag his soul back to get that look out of her little sister's eyes.

I woke up feeling like I was still on fire. My skin stung. My throat felt as dry as sand.

"The fact that you still have feeling is the impressive part after being a literal comet," Will told him with a kind of critical, stern tone like he thought Percy was still tempted to try again.

"The kind that only comes around in one lifetime," Percy assured.

"Hopefully they don't name anything after it, or worse, you get some kind of crazy superpowers from it," Alex offered.

"Or worse, aliens." Magnus agreed.

"Why would there be an alien free riding on my comet?" Percy asked.

"I don't know, just seems like every sci-fi movie comes with aliens masquerading as comets," he shrugged.

"My life is weird enough without adding bad costumes and CGI," Percy sighed.

I saw blue sky and trees above me. I heard a fountain gurgling, and smelled juniper and cedar and a bunch of other sweet-scented plants. I heard waves, too, gently lapping on a rocky shore. I wondered if I was dead, but I knew better. I'd been to the Land of the Dead, and there was no blue sky.

"The fact that that is a more normal sentence than you, a child of the sea, not waking up on the beach more regularly, really says something about your life," Magnus couldn't help but inform Percy.

"Who would want to wake up with a sunburn every day?" Percy shrugged. "Plus, that sand really does get everywhere. Nah, I'm good."

Apparently only normal people, Magnus sighed as he answered himself.

I tried to sit up. My muscles felt like they were melting.

"I hear to much exercise will do that to you," Will said wisely.

"And here I thought the more obvious punchline was global warming. We must save the planet, think of the Percy," Nico snickered.

"You're all missing the obvious joke that Percy is clearly an evil green witch in disguise," Thalia chuckled.

"I was just half cooked alive like a lobster, can't I get a pass on all this?" Percy smiled knowing the answer.

"No," they all laughed.

"Stay still," a girl's voice said. "You're too weak to rise."

She laid a cool cloth across my forehead. A bronze spoon hovered over me and liquid was dribbled into my mouth. The drink soothed my throat and left a warm chocolaty aftertaste. Nectar of the gods. Then the girl's face appeared above me.

She had almond eyes and caramel-color hair braided over one shoulder.

She was...fifteen? Sixteen? It was hard to tell. She had one of those faces that just seemed timeless. She began singing, and my pain dissolved. She was working magic. I could feel her music sinking into my skin, healing and repairing my brain.

"Who?" I croaked.

"Shhh, brave one," she said. "Rest and heal. No harm will come to you here. I am Calypso."

"It's nice she came out front with her name," Magnus said. "But huh?"

"If they start by introducing themselves, they're probably going to be very powerful and more fun to defeat," Alex rubbed his hands together in excitement.

"I already feared for my life enough without that, but thanks," Percy sighed.

The next time I woke I was in a cave, but as far as caves go, I'd been in a lot worse.

"I mean, compared to the cyclops cave where Grover was being held hostage, a bear cave sounds like a vacation too," Jason nodded.

"Does the underworld count as a giant cave?" Magnus asked.

"Um, yes?" Nico admitted.

"We did not go into a cave on your last adventure, but you've been mostly underground in this one to make up for it, so I'd say you are a credible enough person to judge this," Thalia nodded sanctimoniously.

Yet in all this talk, Percy's empty hand tingled as if Annabeth had brushed against him, wanting to lock her fingers through his. She had a habit of holding his hand in places like this, but she sure wouldn't be this time, some part of him knew.

The ceiling glittered with different-color crystal formations— white and purple and green, like I was inside one of those cut geodes you see in souvenir shops. I was lying on a comfortable bed with feather pillows and cotton sheets. The cave was divided into sections by white silk curtains.

Against one wall stood a large loom and a harp. Against the other wall were shelves neatly stacked with jars of fruit preserves. Dried herbs hung from the ceiling: rosemary, thyme, and a bunch of other stuff. My mother could've named them all.

"You haven't said anything about Sally being into gardening," Nico said in surprise, though he well remembered that flower box he'd once appeared next to.

"She knows them from cooking, not much of a hobby she can keep up with in the middle of the city to grow her own," Percy said with a wistful kind of smile. He wanted that for his mom. He bet Poseidon would have granted her a whole biome of nature if she asked. Just tap on the bathroom door three times or something, and poof, a hidden world she'd love to be part of.

There was a fireplace built into the cave wall, and a pot bubbling over the flames. It smelled great, like beef stew.

I sat up, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in my head. I looked at my arms, sure that they would be hideously scarred, but they seemed fine. A little pinker than usual, but not bad. I was wearing a white cotton T-shirt and cotton drawstring pants that weren't mine. My feet were bare. In a moment of panic, I wondered what happened to Riptide, but I felt my pocket and there was my pen, right where it always reappeared.

"I'm starting to wonder if there's even a limit on what that pen won't come back from," Jason looked more than impressed while he had that critical look on his face again. "If you threw it into outer space would it still come back?"

"I don't currently have any friends with a rocket ship to test that theory, but I'll let you know," Percy shrugged, holding his pen tight to him now just in case Jason wanted to try for himself.

Not only that but the Stygian ice dog whistle was back in my pocket, too. Somehow it had followed me. And that didn't exactly reassure me.

"Yeah, me either," Alex heaved a great sigh of remorse, and he really wanted Quintus and his dog to be a good guy. "Maybe he's trying to be like Chiron, he came across as a creepy stalker at first too."

"Hopefully," Percy wouldn't turn down another cool mentor who gave him good advice and cool gifts, but he was still too suspicious to really hope it would work out.

With difficulty, I stood. The stone floor was freezing under my feet. I turned and found myself staring into a polished bronze mirror.

"Holy Poseidon," I muttered. I looked as if I'd lost twenty pounds I couldn't afford to lose. My hair was a rat's nest. It was singed at the edges like Hephaestus's beard. If I saw that face on somebody walking down a highway intersection asking for money, I would've locked the car doors.

"Percy, you don't have a car," Nico told him.

"My mom's car doors just doesn't give the same ring to it," Percy rolled his eyes, fighting the urge, and losing it to sag in his seat with remembered exhaustion. Thalia was looking like an awfully comfortable prop right now.

Magnus kept his lips tight shut about that. He never spent much time looking in a mirror for a few years now, but he was pretty sure he'd looked that bad before Hearth and Blitz found him.

I turned away from the mirror. The cave entrance was to my left. I headed toward the daylight.

The cave opened onto a green meadow. On the left was a grove of cedar trees and on the right a huge flower garden. Four fountains gurgled in the meadow, each shooting water from the pipes of stone satyrs. Straight ahead, the grass sloped down to a rocky beach. The waves of a lake lapped against the stones. I could tell it was a lake because...well, I just could. Fresh water. Not salt. The sun sparkled on the water, and the sky was pure blue. It seemed like a paradise, which immediately made me nervous. You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.

"Are you telling me I'm most likely to die at a Pottery Barn?" Alex demanded.

"Paradise probably isn't even subjective enough to argue," Thalia agreed with a sigh. "We half-bloods can die somewhere like a dog park or a freaking mall."

"The only paradise we have is places where monsters aren't, and then we inevitably attract them to that place," Jason frowned. "What kind of paradox is that called?"

"Shit, does that make this place a utopia?" Magnus groaned.

"Well this is just getting more depressing the longer it drags on," Nico reminded, and he wasn't even the one causing it. He kept reading loudly and decided he'd blame the book, and Percy's life, rather than himself on the continued trend.

The girl with the braided caramel hair, the one who'd called herself Calypso, was standing at the beach, talking to someone. I couldn't see him very well in the shimmer from the sunlight off the water, but they appeared to be arguing.

"I really don't think it's just a joke when I say Percy attracts fights everywhere he goes, even to a tropical paradise," Will shook his head in exhaustion.

"Task failed successfully," Percy hoped. "They can keep that up while I escape I'm sure." He hadn't felt trapped though, he vividly remembered that. His feelings of this island were more dreamlike than any memory yet given back. Like that old apartment he used to live in with his mom, maybe the few short years before Gabe had come along. A home he could never go back to, but some part of him would always want to.

I tried to remember what I knew about Calypso from the old myths. I'd heard the name before, but...I couldn't remember. Was she a monster? Did she trap heroes and kill them? But if she was evil, why was I still alive?

"All excellent questions," Jason sighed.

"Percy will get answers to all of them as he's running for his life I'm sure," Alex offered, which made nobody feel better.

I walked toward her slowly because my legs were still stiff. When the grass changed to gravel, I looked down to keep my balance, and when I looked up again, the girl was alone. She wore a white sleeveless Greek dress with a low circular neckline trimmed in gold. She brushed at her eyes like she'd been crying.

"Well," she said, trying for a smile, "the sleeper finally wakes."

"If he's Sleeping Beauty, does that make Annabeth Prince Charming?" Magnus snorted.

"Percy sleeps enough to fulfill the role," Thalia chuckled with amusement, "and Annabeth would rock a horse and sword if she needed to."

"I would rather get to the monster killing me part than indulge this further," Percy groaned, or he was going to be suffering kiss of life jokes and endless Halloween costume ideas for days.

"Who were you talking to?" My voice sounded like a frog that had spent time in a microwave.

"What a noble frog, putting up with that to be such a comparison to you," there was nothing but dread in Nico's voice though as he tried not to wonder how Percy knew that.

"Science lab got weird during the dissection class, you don't want to know," Percy shivered.

"Oh...just a messenger," she said.

Will snorted softly, though he felt bad he was the only one who got the joke. Nobody else read that deep into it.

"How do you feel?"

"How long have I been out?"

"Time," Calypso mused. "Time is always difficult here. I honestly don't know, Percy."

"You know my name?"

"Not a shock anymore," Magnus grudgingly admitted. He wished it still were, but the days of Medusa creeping him out for a multitude of reasons were in the past, and that one had never even been able to rank to high considering everything else.

"You talk in your sleep."

I blushed. "Yeah. I've been...uh, told that before."

"How nobody's ever tried to smother you for that I will never know," Thalia said with her own mystified face. The few times she'd slept around Percy, they'd been out in the open taking turns keeping watch for each other, so she'd never had to actually try and fall asleep to his nonsense.

"Yes. Who is Annabeth?"

"Oh, uh.

Percy's brain fried and short circuited in his head like another volcano had gone off. He would be more surprised if steam wasn't coming out of his ears. It would take him less time to say who Annabeth wasn't...

A friend.

He exhaled in relief at how well that summed it up, glad he'd been to tired back then to even try and articulate anything else as his lips still felt more prominent on his face than they ever had before.

We were together when—wait, how did I get here? Where am I?"

Calypso reached up and ran her fingers through my mangled hair. I stepped back nervously.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I've just grown used to caring for you.

The others were oddly quiet, clearly trying to judge for themselves how much they believed her sincerity. She'd had ample opportunity to hurt Percy true, but for all they knew she was just lulling him there and keeping him from getting back to full strength until Luke showed up. She could be slowly sucking the life out of him. There was just no telling what motive could be going on or who she was arguing with until it was to late.

As to how you got here, you fell from the sky. You landed in the water, just there." She pointed across the beach. "I do not know how you survived. The water seemed to cushion your fall. As to where you are, you are in Ogygia."

She pronounced it like oh-jee-jee-ah.

"Was the second jee really necessary?" Magnus huffed. "It feels like they're just being extra."

"No noun should be more than two syllables, it's just exhausting," Percy agreed.

"Your name is three," Thalia looked at him strangely.

"And I stand by what I said," Percy nodded.

"Is that near Mount St. Helens?" I asked, because my geography is pretty terrible.

"Sure Percy, it might be if you travel back in time or something," Will chuckled.

"Maybe I'll find them constructing the Statue of Liberty next door," Percy smirked.

Calypso laughed. It was a small restrained laugh, like she found me really funny but didn't want to embarrass me. She was cute when she laughed.

Percy felt a dull sense of dread thud in his chest, but again, it wasn't vicious. He didn't feel like ripping his heart out in fear it was attacking him. Just an aching feeling, a muscle he'd long since stopped using.

He watched as six pairs of eyebrows shut up around him now with a vague amusement as well. Magnus and Alex seemed immediately suspicious and weary what kind of spell he was being put under, whether he realized it or not. Jason and Thalia looked amused, like they were thinking how best to tell Annabeth about this for maximum teasing.

Will and Nico exchanged weary looks though. Not the, 'Oh Gods, Percy's about to die kind,' but the sort where they weren't sure if they wanted to know the outcome of this. Percy didn't talk about his time out there, and while it was interesting to get some first hand lore on this place, it was coming at a pretty personal cost to Percy.

Nico read swiftly, he didn't want to linger on this.

"It isn't near anything, brave one," she said. "Ogygia is my phantom island. It exists by itself, anywhere and nowhere.

"I wonder if there are other islands out there that can do a bit of both." Alex grinned. "You really didn't explore the Sea of Monsters enough to be sure there's not an island out there that's sometimes there and sometimes not."

"If I find a haunted ghost island that only appears during high tide, I'll call you," Percy promised. Mostly so he could blame Alex for its existence.

You can heal here in safety. Never fear."

"It's not himself he's afraid for," Jason muttered.

Percy heard, and grinned at him. It was a good feeling for at least a moment, to know your friends knew you so well.

"But my friends—"

"Annabeth," she said. "And Grover and Tyson?"

"Yes!" I said. "I have to get back to them. They're in danger."

She touched my face, and I didn't back away this time. "Rest first. You are no good to your friends until you heal."

As soon as she said it, I realized how tired I was.

Magnus still shivered with distaste as he waited for the shoe to drop. That this vacation was just another Hotel, and Percy was soon going to start forgetting everything that mattered to himself except this girl who he had no choice but to fall in love with because she told him that's what he needed to do, or maybe he'd start seeing puncture marks on his neck and this was another kind of vampire, like a subspecies of Kelli.

"You're not...you're not an evil sorceress, are you?"

She smiled coyly. "Why would you think that?"

"Well, I met Circe once, and she had a pretty nice island, too. Except she liked to turn men into guinea pigs."

"A sad fact that is such a major exception," Alex sighed.

"There's no such thing as the perfect utopia," Thalia agreed.

Calypso gave me that laugh again. "I promise I will not turn you into a guinea pig."

"Or anything else?"

"I am no evil sorceress," Calypso said. "And I am not your enemy, brave one. Now rest. Your eyes are already closing."

She was right. My knees buckled, and I would've landed face-first in the gravel if Calypso hadn't caught me. Her hair smelled like cinnamon. She was very strong, or maybe I was just really weak and thin. She walked me back to a cushioned bench by the fountain and helped me lie down.

"Rest," she ordered. And I fell asleep to the sound of the fountains and the smell of cinnamon and juniper.

Percy shivered. The kind of ghost breathing on his neck feeling. Because there was no sense of danger in him. And it was creeping him out.

Where was the adrenaline? Where was the fear and worry? Where was that sense that had guided him through all his past memories of what to trust and to know when he should be about to run?

He kept wanting to watch Thalia for some kind of hint he was missing something, but she seemed as somber over there as he felt. Like a long lost friend had died.

The next time I woke it was night, but I wasn't sure if it was the same night or many nights later. I was in the bed in the cave, but I rose and wrapped a robe around myself and padded outside. The stars were brilliant—thousands of them, like you only see way out in the country. I could make out all the constellations Annabeth had taught me: Capricorn, Pegasus, Sagittarius. And there, near the southern horizon, was a new constellation: the Huntress, a tribute to a friend of ours who had died last winter.

Nico did not like himself for the distaste he had of those words... Why didn't Bianca get a whole constellation? It was Zoe's choice to go on this quest and be slated for death the moment she heard that prophecy, and his sister went in almost blind...

But Thalia was making some stupid joke at Percy about never seeming to find his own constellation and his sister probably would have been over there laughing with them without batting an eye at that passage. She probably would have smiled for her lieutenant.

"Percy, what do you see?"

I brought my eyes back to earth. However amazing the stars were, Calypso was twice as brilliant.

Percy had always wished Annabeth here from the moment he'd opened his eyes. He still did now, to know she was safe and away from volcanoes he'd exploded. He wanted to hear her explain to him already who Calypso was fully.

Most of all, he wanted to watch how she'd be reacting to this. If she was rolling her eyes at him, or jealous, or hurt, or uncaring at all.

He found himself watching Thalia, his best friend in here to figure out the same, but she seemed to be avoiding his eyes as she played with her bracelet. He didn't know what thoughts were plaguing her, and a part of him wondered if it had something to do with why Annabeth wasn't here and what she might know about that.

Or was it something simpler and she already knew the choice he felt stretching ahead of him?

I mean, I've seen the goddess of love herself, Aphrodite, and I would never say this out loud or she'd blast me to ashes, but for my money, Calypso was a lot more beautiful,

Nico winced and looked very much like someone was about to blast him to ashes just for saying that sentence. It would be just his luck to get obliterated into nothing because he'd said what Percy once thought and got away with.

There was a dramatic pause as everybody waited for it to happen, and when nothing did, Nico kept reading with an odd smile on his face like he got away with something.

because she just seemed so natural, like she wasn't trying to be beautiful and didn't even care about that. She just was.

Annabeth's like that too, Percy realized in surprise. Unlike Kelli, who was a terrifying kind of beautiful in her natural way of looking like Aphrodite actually did have a kid with Hephaestus, Annabeth always brushed her hair up into a careless ponytail and had dirt on her at any given time and didn't realize her own allure. The one time he'd seen her in a dress it had shocked him stupid. He was rather glad looking back he'd been a guina pig for that, it made it seem lesser, more like a dream than real memory of how alien perfect she'd been.

With her braided hair and white dress, she seemed to glow in the moonlight. She was holding a tiny plant in her hands. Its flowers were silver and delicate.

"I was just looking at..." I found myself staring at her face. "Uh...I forgot."

Nico heard some of them laughing around him, but it still sounded nervous, they were still waiting for her to sprout into a monster or reveal the 'gotcha' or something. Even knowing that wasn't the case, Nico and Will exchanged a tired look. The usual flippant, enjoyable energy just wasn't getting up in this chapter as they felt how confining this moment in Percy's life was. It didn't feel right to mock him when Percy looked isolated with his confusion over there.

She laughed gently. "Well, as long as you're up, you can help me plant these."

She handed me a plant, which had a clump of dirt and roots at the base.

The flowers glowed as I held them. Calypso picked up her gardening spade and directed me to the edge of the garden, where she began to dig.

"That's moonlace," Calypso explained. "It can only be planted at night."

I watched the silvery light flicker around the petals. "What does it do?"

"Do?" Calypso mused. "It doesn't really do anything, I suppose. It lives, it gives light, it provides beauty. Does it have to do anything else?"

"I suppose not," I said.

"Sounds to me like it's doing plenty," Alex agreed. Not every plant had to poison or cure something, nourish or indue. Things just existed without a purpose, which was their purpose.

She took the plant, and our hands met. Her fingers were warm. She planted the moonlace and stepped back, surveying her work. "I love my garden."

"This is a very odd evil plan," Magnus found himself scratching his head the longer this dragged on. "Is she trying to turn you vegan? Is her ultimate goal to use you as fertilizer?"

"Grover might not bother to rescue me if so," but Percy's smile was lackluster at best. He was growing less convinced by the word this was some trap at all, but this was a Greek legend, he knew that much. He was still waiting for the bad part to show up.

"It's awesome," I agreed. I mean, I wasn't exactly a gardening type, but Calypso had arbors covered with six different colors of roses, lattices filled with honeysuckle, rows of grapevines bursting with red and purple grapes that would've made Dionysus sit up and beg.

"Ah, I see," Jason theatrically clapped his forehead. "They caught the wrong demigod. This is supposed to be a trap for a child of Ceres."

"You've been eating there, haven't you?" Magnus confirmed. "Is this like an underworld situation? You're imprisoned forever because you ate from this awesome place?"

Percy pressed his lips together as that sense of longing only grew. He couldn't find in himself to play along. Imprisoned. Maybe it wasn't him who was on the permanent vacation really.

"Back home," I said, "my mom always wanted a garden."

"Why did she not plant one?"

"Well, we live in Manhattan. In an apartment."

"Manhattan? Apartment?"

"Oh, well, maybe she's not evil after all," Will chuckled. "It's common knowledge all people who are associated with big cities are evil. Clearly, having never even heard of the concept, she's immune to this. Purely innocent and good in her hide-a-way pasture."

"Aren't most horror movies out in the boons where nobody can hear them scream?" Nico asked. Quite a few kids asked if he was born out there enough to make him look up what they were getting at.

Will opened, and closed his mouth with a laugh instead of answering.

I stared at her. "You don't know what I'm talking about, do you?"

"I fear not. I haven't left Ogygia in...a long time."

"Well, Manhattan's a big city, with not much gardening space."

Calypso frowned. "That is sad. Hermes visits from time to time. He tells me the world outside has changed greatly. I did not realize it had changed so much you cannot have gardens."

"Why haven't you left your island?"

She looked down. "It is my punishment."

"You know Percy, I'm starting to suspect your luck is bad enough to get roped into somebody else's bad luck," Jason admitted. Nothing bad had happened yet, and judging by his silence over there and nobody nearly dying, he was beginning to suspect this wasn't going to be that kind of chapter.

"As long as she doesn't take her punishment out on me," Percy's heart was doing an odd beat in his chest. A thudding, painful number that hurt to concentrate on. Calypso, her name kept swimming around his mind like a piranha that was well fed but shouldn't be ignored. There was just something about her that had nothing and everything to do with Annabeth he was missing.

"Why? What did you do?"

"A classic Percy," Thalia sighed. "A classic boy. Blunt as an arrow to the face."

"I've never used a boxing glove arrow," Percy grinned.

"I? Nothing. But I'm afraid my father did a great deal. His name is Atlas."

"How many kids did this guy have?" Magnus asked in surprise.

"That's like asking how many kids Zeus had. You're just happier not trying to count them all," Thalia sighed.

The name sent a shiver down my back. I'd met the Titan Atlas last winter, and it had not been a happy time. He'd tried to kill pretty much everyone I care about.

"I mean, that's most evil people you meet," Nico said fairly. "I don't know what happy times involves trying to kill people."

"Maybe if Calypso had been there instead of Zoe things would have gone better," Alex snorted. "Girl should have opted a jailbreak for her half sister before the quest."

"I don't think there was really time for that," Thalia reminded with a strained smile. She didn't think it inherently insensitive to laugh about Zoe's past decisions, gods knew she'd done enough of that herself, but it wasn't a topic she wanted to continue to discuss either.

"Still," I said hesitantly, "it's not fair to punish you for what your father's done. I knew another daughter of Atlas. Her name was Zoë. She was one of the bravest people I've ever met."

Calypso studied me for a long time. Her eyes were sad.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Are—are you healed yet, my brave one? Do you think you'll be ready to leave soon?"

"What? I asked. "I don't know." I moved my legs. They were still stiff. I was already getting dizzy from standing up so long.

The fact that he could stand up for any length of time and wasn't sprinting and threatening to get out of there still gnawed at something in Percy. Something about this place, this girl. He wanted to help her, to stay, and it was nothing evil or magical making him. Just Calypso was enough.

"You want me to go?"

"I..." Her voice broke. "I'll see you in the morning. Sleep well."

She ran off toward the beach. I was too confused to do anything but watch until she disappeared in the dark.

"No, that's a classic Percy," Jason couldn't comprehend how Percy hadn't interrogated this girl to know everything about what was going on by now. He was the dopiest, deadliest guy Jason had ever met, and he was quite positive of this fact not even remembering anyone outside this room.

I don't know exactly how much time passed. Like Calypso said, it was hard to keep track on the island. I knew I should be leaving. At the very least, my friends would be worried. At worst, they could be in serious danger. I didn't even know if Annabeth had made it out of the volcano. I tried to use my empathy link with Grover several times, but I couldn't make contact. I hated not knowing if they were all right.

On the other hand, I really was weak. I couldn't stay on my feet more than a few hours. Whatever I'd done in Mount St. Helens had drained me like nothing else I'd ever expected.

Nico could hardly believe the words out of his own mouth. If he hadn't already been struck repeatedly in here that Percy wasn't the guy he'd dreamed he was, this more than anything put the final nail in the coffin. Percy had the motivation to go home, he'd always done everything up to this point by his driving factor being to help others.

He just, was choosing not to this time. It wasn't even a big heroic sacrifice, he had no idea of Calypso's curse yet. He was just, hesitating, and Nico found himself fascinated what had made Percy leave. Had he been unable to put down the mantel of the hero? Had it been Annabeth?

I didn't feel like a prisoner or anything. I remembered the Lotus Hotel and Casino in Vegas, where I'd been lured into this amazing game world until I almost forgot everything I cared about. But the island of Ogygia wasn't like that at all. I thought about Annabeth, Grover, and Tyson constantly. I remembered exactly why I needed to leave. I just...couldn't.

And then there was Calypso herself.

She never talked much about herself, but that just made me want to know more. I would sit in the meadow, sipping nectar, and I would try to concentrate on the flowers or the clouds or the reflections on the lake, but I was really staring at Calypso as she worked, the way she brushed her hair over her shoulder, and the little strand that fell in her face whenever she knelt to dig in the garden. Sometimes she would hold out her hand and birds would fly out of the woods to settle on her arm—lorikeets, parrots, doves.

"You fell into a fairy tell land my friend," Magnus told him. "I bet she turns into an ogre, or a dragon or something once you decided to stay."

Magnus wasn't really kidding, but Percy laughed like he was anyways. That didn't feel like the right answer either. Nothing had felt like the right thing to do since he'd blown up that volcano.

She would tell them good morning, ask how it was going back at the nest, and they would chirp for a while, then fly off cheerfully. Calypso's eyes gleamed. She would look at me and we'd share a smile, but almost immediately she'd get that sad expression again and turn away. I didn't understand what was bothering her.

"She's using reverse psychology on you and makes you think she wants you to leave while really wanting you to stay," Alex joined in.

Percy blinked at him. Something in there finally did feel like an answer, but twisted. She was no manipulator, he knew that, felt that in his memory like his instinctive trust of Thalia.

One night we were eating dinner together at the beach. Invisible servants had set up a table with beef stew and apple cider,

"Is that all she had to eat there? Is that the secret torture?" Will frowned. "Also, where does the cow part come from?"

"She's making those special veggies that taste like beef," Nico snickered.

"Maybe Hermes delivers her yearly rations she can't grow, like toilet paper," Thalia smirked.

which may not sound all that exciting, but that's because you haven't tasted it. I hadn't even noticed the invisible servants when I first got to the island, but after a while I became aware of the beds making themselves, meals cooking on their own, clothes being washed and folded by unseen hands.

Magnus threw his hands up in exasperation. "This is officially the best vacation ever. Can I blow up a volcano too Percy?"

"Not without following the proper steps by sitting through a sex ed class, being chased by Telkehines, and nearly dying." Percy shrugged.

"Geez, I might still consider it," Magnus huffed at this luxury.

Anyway, Calypso and I were sitting at dinner, and she looked beautiful in the candlelight.

"If you mention how pretty this girl is one more time, I might have to revoke your crush on Annabeth," Jason snorted.

Percy brushed at his gray bangs, his stomach in knots. He wished he had some snippy rebuttal for that, but he was disturbingly silent.

"People can have a crush on more than one person Jason, broaden your mind," Alex finally chuckled into the awkward silence.

Thalia was studying her best friend with those electric blue eyes. She'd been really relieved to see him at the beginning, like he'd been missing for a long time. Is this where he'd been? Was she angry with him having taken to long to come back?

I was telling her about New York and Camp Half-Blood, and then I started telling her about the time Grover had eaten an apple while we were playing Hacky Sack with it. She laughed, showing off her amazing smile, and our eyes met. Then she dropped her gaze.

She was scared, Percy tried to put into words that expression, but that didn't quite fit right. She wasn't telling him something about this place, and if he could not resist one kind of torture, it was temptation.

"There it is again," I said.

"What?"

"You keep pulling away, like you're trying not to enjoy yourself."

"You probably scared her with that story Percy," Magnus rolled his eyes. "I might still have nightmares about Grover using a mega-goat bite on me if was drinking apple cider."

"I don't think she could have nightmares on that island," Percy frowned. He certainly hadn't been having any. The more he thought about it, the more he realized it was oddly similar to their current prison. Invisible servants, all the food one could eat, the company was mostly tolerable when they weren't annoying. He still missed Annabeth, his mom, Grover and everyone like a physical ache, but there was nothing stopping him from refusing to relearn his memories, hide in a room and stay here forever. The idea was just loathsome if he thought about it for more than a second.

It hadn't been there though. There had been something about Calypso, the constant rest he got. The problem with staying on vacation for to long was that it made going back seem harder than it had before.

She kept her eyes on her glass of cider. "As I told you, Percy, I have been punished. Cursed, you might say."

"How? Tell me. I want to help."

"Don't say that. Please don't say that."

"Tell me what the punishment is."

He wanted to help her, Percy finally realized the obvious. Once he found out how to help break her curse, he could leave with a clear conscience. Of course, it seemed obvious now. This place probably played exactly into one's fatal flaw. He might have just met her, but he could have been life long friends with someone like Calypso.

She covered her half-finished stew with a napkin, and immediately an invisible servant whisked the bowl away. "Percy, this island, Ogygia, is my home, my birthplace. But it is also my prison. I am under...house arrest, I guess you would call it. I will never visit this Manhattan of yours. Or anywhere else. I am alone here."

"Doesn't sound like much of a punishment," Alex muttered. He preferred being alone, all people did was disappoint and judge you.

"Maybe for one lifetime, but all of them?" Magnus frowned. He never would have made it on the streets without Hearth and Blitz. He missed the boy he used to play with who always stopped running too fast when he had to grab his inhaler. He missed being in the back of a class reading and ignoring the teacher until he had his book taken away and then begrudgingly laughing and playing a game of tic tac toe with a random kid in detention. Maybe he'd learn why they were there, maybe they'd just sit in silence together. The idea of never being allowed around another soul again sounded like a curse to him.

Alex heard all of that in his short question, and sighed as he practiced signing the alphabet to himself in random order.

"Because your father was Atlas."

She nodded. "The gods do not trust their enemies. And rightly so. I should not complain. Some of the prisons are not nearly as nice as mine."

"I guess she heard what her dad's going through," Jason said in agreement.

"It's, nice, the gods took it easy on a random kid," Will tried to say in his usual upbeat way, but he wasn't so sure how confident he was of that. He didn't actually know what crime Calypso had committed other than support and what that entailed, yet he'd heard plenty of the gods unjust punishments for lesser things.

"But that's not fair," I said. "Just because you're related doesn't mean you support him. This other daughter I knew, Zoë, Nightshade—she fought against him. She wasn't imprisoned."

"But, Percy," Calypso said gently, "I did support him in the first war. He is my father."

"Ah," Magnus said in understanding as the final piece of it all fit into place.

"One man's vacation is another man's punishment huh?" Alex said with distaste, though for Calypso or the gods nobody was sure.

"What? But the Titans are evil!"

"Are they? All of them? All the time?"

"I've yet met a good one," Magnus said in disgust.

They weren't inherently evil, Nico knew though as he toyed with the edge of the page. Iapetus the Impaler had been cleansed of his family ties and come out as Bob, an innocent who willingly helped. Luke was a child of the 'good guys' and yet he was leading the rebellion. What made good and evil was not an answer he was privy to no matter how many ghosts he talked to about it.

She pursed her lips. "Tell me, Percy. I have no wish to argue with you, but do you support the gods because they are good, or because they are your family?"

I didn't answer. She had a point. Last winter, after Annabeth and I had saved Olympus, the gods had had a debate about whether or not they should kill me. That hadn't been exactly good. But still, I felt like I supported them because Poseidon was my dad.

"And we're back to that whole corruption of infinite cosmic power business," Alex scowled.

"It's more like a few really rotten apples and some bad tempers that need work?" Will offered with a hopeful smile. He could easily understand Percy questioning such a thing, it would have made less sense if he never had. Things had been getting better since Percy demanded of the gods his reward to prevent this all happening again though, some of them had even come around a bit for a brief time before Dionysus mysteriously stopped being there.

"Perhaps I was wrong in the war," Calypso said. "And in fairness, the gods have treated me well. They visit me from time to time. They bring me word of the outside world. But they can leave. And I cannot."

"You don't have any friends?" I asked. "I mean...wouldn't anyone else live here with you? It's a nice place."

"I bet those Hesperides would, sit around and shit talk about half-bloods all day. She might like to hang out with her half sisters," Thalia sounded reluctantly sorry for her. A maiden trapped alone in this eternal place struck a particular cord in her, one strong enough for her to ask if her punishment might ever be lifted. If she asked Artemis to let her join the hunt, would that be an insult to the gods original punishment? Thalia might even consider hiding Jason away on this island once they got out of here while she figured out what had happened to him if this underwater place didn't work out long term.

A tear trickled down her cheek. "I...I promised myself I wouldn't speak of this. But—"

She was interrupted by a rumbling sound somewhere out on the lake.

Percy groaned, a painful sounding noise deep in his chest that usually meant they should all duck and hold their breath for something disastrous about to happen.

It wasn't like that this time. Percy was angry with himself, and this situation, and no one set thing. The ocean sloshed all around them like somebody shaking a jar as he shifted around to try and get comfortable in his seat with no clear ending in sight.

A glow appeared on the horizon. It got brighter and brighter, until I could see a column of fire moving across the surface of the water, coming toward us.

"Because at this point why wouldn't aliens show up," Magnus frowned.

"Why is that your first thought?" Jason looked at him like anything left could be a strange sentence in here. "It's more likely Mercury is popping in again. Maybe he decided to use a pillar of flames this time."

"Haven't you heard stories about aliens appearing as columns of light?" Magnus asked in amusement. "I know this guy on Beacon Street who swears up and down he saw them while flying in WWII, described them just like this. I bet he'll think I'm just as crazy if I tell him it was just a god passing by."

"We're all a little crazy in some ways," Alex cheerfully reminded.

I stood and reached for my sword. "What is that?"

Calypso sighed. "A visitor."

"She doesn't seem that thrilled about it?" Alex frowned, which was weird right? Shouldn't she be jumping for joy when anyone shows up if she's so lonely? She had been cut off though, about to offer Percy something, and it wasn't particularly hard to imagine what.

As the column of fire reached the beach. Calypso stood and bowed to it formally. The flames dissipated, and standing before us was a tall man in gray overalls and a metal leg brace, his beard and hair smoldering with fire.

"Lord Hephaestus," Calypso said. "This is a rare honor."

Will scratched absently at his chin as he said, "yeah, I imagine so. Like I'm trying to think of a scenario where she's ever even met him." If he so rarely visited anyone, why would he go to this random girl. Did he study her plants to make machines out of them?

"Maybe a child of Hephaestus has landed there before," Nico shrugged. She probably hadn't met every god, he doubted they were all kind and sporadic enough to visit on their own and she probably only knew of them through the random demi god kids who passed through.

Thalia kept the thought to herself she was a prisoner because of the war she'd been in to the two. It was plenty likely Calypso knew of every Olympian because she'd had her turn to try and kill them all, possibly by learning of their favorite foods and practicing poisions even. Who knew what she'd been up to back then before coming there.

The fire god grunted. "Calypso. Beautiful as always.

"If I hear how beautiful this girl is described one more time, I'm shaving her head," Alex rolled his eyes. "Aphrodite wasn't praised this much. Annabeth isn't praised this much!"

Nico lost his composure and burst out laughing hard while Percy sighed at the pair of them. They didn't get it, they hadn't seen her in person.

Would you excuse us, please, my dear? I need to have a word with our young Percy Jackson."

Percy felt immediately humbled and worried. Was this about Annabeth?!

Hephaestus sat down clumsily at the dinner table and ordered a Pepsi.

"I wonder if he ever goes to a restaurant, and they tell him they only have coke, and he just like, changes reality to make it so they only have Pepsi now," Magnus frowned.

"I thought it would be simpler, like he just breaks their machine so no soda is carbonated," Will admitted.

"You're both evil for taking it out on the soda," Percy told.

The invisible servant brought him one, opened it too suddenly, and sprayed soda all over the gods work clothes. Hephaestus roared and spat a few curses and swatted the can away.

"Stupid servants," he muttered. "Good automatons are what she needs. They never act up!"

"I do not believe him in any way, shape, or form," Thalia scoffed.

"I think he needs a tune-up in his mind," Percy agreed.

"Hephaestus," I said, "what's going on? Is Annabeth—"

"She's fine," he said. "Resourceful girl, that one. Found her way back, told me the whole story. She's worried sick, you know."

Percy made such a sigh of relief that he cleaved out a gap of air in front of him that made a terrifying noise as the water snapped back into place.

Nico kept reading over him like he heard his life about to end every other day while the others rubbed their ears.

"You haven't told her I'm okay?"

"That's not for me to say," Hephaestus said.

Magnus shivered deep in his seat. He longed to be there for her, how alone she must feel right now. Was she back in the maze by herself? Marching into Daedalus' shop ready for murder because she thought she'd lost her best friend? He had nothing to offer her but his companionship and still couldn't even give that as he sat uselessly in place.

"Everyone thinks you're dead. I had to be sure you were coming back before I started telling everyone where you were."

"Everyone, everyone?" Jason asked critically. "Like Neptune? Who exactly was asking Vulcan where you were?"

"It wouldn't surprise me if some of the gods kept an eye on his quest and knew Hephaestus was the last god he'd seen," Thalia reminded with a scowl. Like Hera, she'd probably been keeping tabs on him enough to know he'd gone missing.

"What do you mean?" I said. "Of course I'm coming back!"

Hephaestus studied me skeptically. He fished something out of his pocket—a metal disk the size of an iPod. He clicked a button and it expanded into a miniature bronze TV. On the screen was news footage of Mount St. Helens, a huge plume of fire and ash trailing into the sky.

"Still uncertain about further eruptions," the newscaster was saying. "Authorities have ordered the evacuation of almost half a million people as a precaution. Meanwhile, ash has fallen as far away as Lake Tahoe and Vancouver, and the entire Mount St. Helens area is closed to traffic within a hundred-mile radius. While no deaths have been reported, minor injuries and illnesses include—"

Hephaestus switched it off. "You caused quite an explosion."

Percy's hand leapt to his mouth like he was going to try and hold in another scream. He just looked so ashamed Thalia instinctively leaned over and hugged him. He cautiously returned it, but his hand stayed in place, the guilt in his eyes more plain than the dark water around them.

It wasn't okay, Thalia knew as she leaned back, and she didn't say as much. Percy looked as torn apart as if he wanted to evacuate his own body, that volcano might as well have erupted inside of him and then proceeded out to the lava.

I stared at the blank bronze screen. Half a million people evacuated? Injuries. Illness. What had I done?

"I-" but Percy couldn't say how sorry he was. He couldn't see the others around him, if they looked at him with fear now. All he could feel was that dormant power in him, the one he touched every other page in here it seemed. Even now he couldn't get a handle on his emotions, his capabilities. Perhaps this place wasn't a punishment at all, but a place to learn why he should be kept away from others.

He'd always been a really bad student though.

Thalia slugged him on the shoulder and said, "and this is why boys should be kept at the bottom of the ocean! I bet if you'd gone to visit the Cyclops forges too you'd have a handle on this, it's all your dad's fault really." Like she wasn't massively speaking from experience her dad had never given her any help on her chaotic powers either.

Will and Nico were muttering away about something as usual, the book held casually in Nico's hand, the kid who had once made the dead vanish without thought and nearly taken the camp with him. Alex was lounging in his seat waiting for things to keep going while Magnus and Jason just looked reserved for the worst.

They'd all been dealing with him nearly killing them since they got in here. This vast showing of his powers didn't surprise a one, it was just a part of who he was. It wasn't a great part of him, but Percy sighed and knew what Annabeth would tell him to do once she was done strangling him for making her think he was dead. All he could do was build a better foundation next time. He had to work on getting control.

"The telekhines were scattered," the god told me. "Some vaporized. Some got away, no doubt. I don't think they'll be using my forge any time soon.

"Oh look, he got what he wanted out of it," Alex scoffed.

"Not exactly a win, win, scenario," Percy muttered. Why couldn't the gods have shown up to stop the volcano from erupting and saved all those people?

For the same reason they hadn't voted to kill him he supposed. They had their own plans, own agenda, other things better to do with their infinite time than worry about him right this moment. A part of Percy still hoped he'd asked his dad to make a few anonymous donations to help... somehow. He didn't even know, he just knew his next prayer to his dad as he scrapped food off his plate would be for this.

On the other hand, neither will I. The explosion caused Typhon to stir in his sleep. We'll have to wait and see—"

"I couldn't release him, could I? I mean, I'm not that powerful!"

The god grunted. "Not that powerful, eh? Could have fooled me. You're the son of the Earthshaker, lad. You don't know your own strength."

Percy felt a horrible pressure deep in his chest at a god telling him that. He'd taken on Ares and come out the other side without a scratch.

His friends didn't see him as a god though. Thalia was nothing but sympathetic beside him. "I've hardly touched my powers since I caused this massive storm once, nearly tore a whole city apart the news later blamed on a hurricane." She admitted. "I don't often need them more than just the minimum with the Hunters. You're still coming into it Percy."

Chiron had warned him of this, way back when, but he still felt like he didn't fully grasp all he was.

That's the last thing I wanted him to say. I hadn't been in control of myself in that mountain. I'd released so much energy I'd almost vaporized myself, drained all the life out of me. Now I found out I'd nearly destroyed the Northwest U.S. and almost woken the most horrible monster ever imprisoned by the gods. Maybe I was too dangerous. Maybe it was safer for my friends to think I was dead.

Thalia fought off the urge to smack him with the greatest of restraint. "That's not for you to decide who we hang out with Percy!"

"You've said yourself what a bad influence I am," Percy said with a reluctant tease.

"You're a pain in the ass who I would never trade away for some boring kid who couldn't blow up a volcano," she huffed.

Percy was rubbing at his arm like she had tried to pummel him, and Magnus couldn't stand watching him beat himself up. Percy had been a good friend to Annabeth, and to him this whole time. It wasn't his thing to say really, but he didn't really think Hearth would begrudge him offering to Percy, "hey, listen, Hearth's told me about how strange it is to hate a part of your own body. Just because it's something you can't control in yourself doesn't make it a bad thing, just something to live around."

"Hearth's not going to blow up half a continent because he doesn't know what he's doing," Percy said sullenly, his eyes on the floor. He assumed anyways. What did he know about elves?

"I might," Nico wasn't to happy about reminding. "Thalia might. Would you want us to stay on an island?" He was very confident of the answer he got, enough he didn't feel any major emotion at still knowing who Percy was. Percy didn't want him, his answer would be the same no matter who's name he'd given.

"No," was of course his automatic response.

"Then you're not that special," Thalia happily concluded.

"How do you think I feel?" Jason agreed. "I couldn't begin to guess what I'm capable of until it erupts out of me too, gods knows what form it'll take since I can't begin to guess at my parentage."

Thalia kept her face very straight to hide her continued guilt over leaving him in the dark on that. He'd know soon enough when she figured out for herself all the answers she could give him. She was not like her father, keeping him at arms length until she was ready...

"You can blame your dad if you need someone to be accountable for this," Alex said in that calm, confident way as he absently played with a strand of green hair. The pale amber eye glittered with a secret, while the dark brown one seemed heavy and tired. "Don't let that excuse you from practicing what you have to all its might though."

Percy rubbed his fingers together, still unsure how much he could let himself agree with that. What would happen one day if he went all out, who would get caught in the crossfire next...

"What about Grover and Tyson?" I asked.

Hephaestus shook his head. "No word, I'm afraid. I suppose the labyrinth has them."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

Hephaestus winced. "Don't ever ask an old cripple for advice, lad. But I'll tell you this.

"Don't ask me for advice but here's some," Alex rolled his eyes.

"No wonder his machines always go haywire, I bet their coding is just as sporadic," Magnus agreed.

"You guys have got to stop saying that kind of stuff," Will said with a nervous laugh. "Just because a god hasn't popped in here yet to kill us doesn't mean they won't."

"Pssh, we've got Percy," Alex brushed off.

Percy blushed. He wasn't sure if Alex meant he was a bigger threat, or he would get between whatever god got annoyed with their commentary. He considered both true.

You've met my wife?"

"Aphrodite."

"That's her. She's a tricky one, lad. Be careful of love. It'll twist your brain around and leave you thinking up is down and right is wrong."

"Never have I said truer words," Nico muttered for himself. It perfectly explained why he always felt...everything he'd ever felt.

I thought about my meeting with Aphrodite, in the back of a white Cadillac in the desert last winter. She'd told me that she had taken a special interest in me, and she'd be making things hard for me in the romance department, just because she liked me.

"And I still haven't forgiven her for that," Percy scowled, now fully suspecting his time with Calypso was a part of this.

"Um, be grateful she doesn't seem to be sending random guys to Annabeth's house?" Magnus offered, but he knew how unhelpful that sounded.

Percy didn't seem to think much of it either, his mind swiveling to Luke and always worried what he was up to.

"Is this part of her plan?" I asked. "Did she land me here?"

"Possibly. Hard to say with her.

Percy made an exhausted noise. He had a headache again and he wasn't even trying to pressure himself to remember what his decision had been. He just knew what it was going to be now. If Aphrodite had put him here, he had to leave. There had never been a choice, just more manipulation by the gods he was helping to win this war. Like a dog doing its job for the reward every night of a good bed and food.

His family was more than that to him though, he instantly regretted his thought as he played with his clay beads. He was picking the winning side not because any god had told him to. His choice was clear. If Kronos won, his family wouldn't.

But if you decide to leave this place—and I don't say what's right or wrong—then I promised you an answer to your quest. I promised you the way to Daedalus. Well now, here's the thing. It has nothing to do with Ariadne's string. Not really. Sure, the string worked. That's what the Titan's army will be after. But the best way through the maze...Theseus had the princess's help. And the princess was a regular mortal. Not a drop of god blood in her. But she was clever, and she could see, lad. She could see very clearly. So what I'm saying—I think you know how to navigate the maze."

"You're going to bring your mom in there?" Magnus asked like he was nuts.

Alex smacked him on the back of the head, and he yelped in surprise before he realized, "oh shit, Rachel."

"There you go," Alex nodded.

"Wow, I've never seen someone literally smack sense into someone," Thalia snickered. "If only it worked on you," it was no guess who she redirected that at.

"Try it Tinkerbell, I will eat your storms for breakfast," Percy smirked. Thalia laughed, mostly out of relief he was trying to pull himself out of his funk.

It finally sank in. Why hadn't I seen it before? Hera had been right. The answer was there all the time.

"Who would have thought of that?" Jason demanded. "Nobody would have thought, hey the girl that can see through mist should go down into the crazy dangerous dungeon and see if she can see...oh. No wait. Yeah it sounds kind of obvious when you put it like that."

"Everything is clearer with hindsight," Will snorted. "I should start carrying a flashlight on me, just in case I ever need to shine it on something already fully lit."

"A UV light," Nico added. "That way we can put secret stamps only we'll know to find."

"Brilliant!" Will cheered.

Nico smiled and shook his head in exasperation he seemed fully jazzed about this joke...but the temptation was there to really do it. Go back into that maze and put up some secret clue or path to let a half-blood know others had been here, and they'd gotten out. So no kid would be trapped in there alone again.

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, I know."

"Then you'll need to decide whether or not you're leaving."

"I..." I wanted to say yes. Of course I would. But the words stuck in my throat. I found myself looking out at the lake, and suddenly the idea of leaving seemed very hard.

Percy didn't often feel the need to kick everybody out of the room so that he could have some personal privacy, but this. This was definitely one of those moments.

Thankfully, it went without commentary. Not even judgy silence. Percy finally guessed what that reserved look on Thalia's face was. The same one she often had when she stared at her tree to long. Nobody could force him to go back, he had to want to. He could have stayed there and maybe Annabeth would have joined the Hunters after all or anything else that could have happened. He didn't though, he knew that about himself. Nobody had made Thalia take a stand on that hill, but her spirit had lingered in that tree instead of vanishing long ago, enough of her had wanted to come back the fleece could work its magic on her.

"Don't decide yet," Hephaestus advised. "Wait until daybreak. Daybreak is a good time for decisions."

"Will Daedalus even help us?" I asked. "I mean, if he gives Luke a way to navigate the Labyrinth, we're dead. I saw dreams about...Daedalus killed his nephew. He turned bitter and angry and—"

"It isn't easy being a brilliant inventor," Hephaestus rumbled. "Always alone. Always misunderstood. Easy to turn bitter, make horrible mistakes. People are more difficult to work with than machines. And when you break a person, he can't be fixed."

Percy thought of Luke. His broken body at the bottom of that mountain, his crooked smile slashing that sword at him. He knew Hephaestus didn't mean physically fixed.

Though a cyborg would be a lot cooler to fight.

Hephaestus brushed the last drops of Pepsi off his work clothes. "Daedalus started well enough. He helped the Princess Ariadne and Theseus because he felt sorry for them. He tried to do a good deed. And everything in his life went bad because of it. Was that fair?" The god shrugged. "I don't know if Daedalus will help you, lad, but don't judge someone until you've stood at his forge and worked with his hammer, eh?"

"He gives pretty good advice for a god who doesn't want to," Jason chuckled.

"I'll—I'll try."

Percy wanted to laugh that off, pretend he'd never have a clue where Daedalus was coming from...but his dad's words from that party he hadn't died at came to mind. How Luke had once been Hermes's pride and joy and look how far he'd fallen.

Percy had spent a lot of time in here wondering at how useful the gods were, how he'd be better off without their constant interference, this of all treacheries putting such a choice in front of him just to see how he'd react.

He didn't have to try anymore to get where a good deed could make you feel punished for the rest of your life. He'd tried to stop an army of monsters from recreating Kronos's full blade and blown up a volcano with his hammer. Daedalus was not perfect, he'd done many a horrible things, but if he was stuck in some punishment now Percy would have to help get him out of, he would without hesitation. Not because they needed him for this quest, but because the gods shouldn't get to decide anybody's eternal fate.

Hephaestus stood. "Good-bye, lad. You did well, destroying the telekhines. I'll always remember you for that."

It sounded very final, that good-bye. Then he erupted into a column of flame, and the fire moved over the water, heading back to the world outside.

"I just like to imagine all of Hephaestus's goodbyes are like that," Will said as cheerfully as ever. "The gods never fully expect to see us again. They blink and it's been a hundred years and oops, that guy died of old age I think."

Percy often thought this guy was a goofball. Nobody could be that naturally happy all the time, he had to be faking it at least every other smile. Not this time though. Will had been in this world longer, he'd had siblings to stay up late laughing about this with.

I walked along the beach for several hours. When I finally came back to the meadow, it was very late, maybe four or five in the morning, but Calypso was still in her garden, tending the flowers by starlight. Her moonlace glowed silver, and the other plants responded to the magic, glowing red and yellow and blue.

"He has ordered you to return," Calypso guessed.

"She'd like that, wouldn't she," Alex sounded blunt, but not cold. "The perfect way to make you stay."

Percy laughed, even though they both knew it was no joke.

"Well, not ordered. He gave me a choice."

Her eyes met mine. "I promised I would not offer."

"Offer what?"

"For you to stay."

"Stay," I said. "Like...forever?"

"You would be immortal on this island," she said quietly. "You would never age or die. You could leave the fight to others, Percy Jackson. You could escape your prophecy."

I stared at her, stunned. "Just like that?"

She nodded. "Just like that."

"But...my friends."

Nico was still adjusting to the feeling of admiration he had for Percy from when Percy had discovered he was a child of Hades and declaring himself the prophecy child. Percy took on the role of leader and responsibility so easily and naturally in a way he shared with Thalia Nico felt nausea over just the idea of.

But it wasn't the power that propped him into the position. It was the people around him he willingly led. Percy hadn't wanted to go back to camp to be the hero, he'd gone back because of them.

No matter how messy his shadow traveling ever got or what near-death experience he might find himself in, Nico was confident he'd never wind up on this island. Calypso would never fall in love with someone like him, but even still he stared absently down at the book for a few lingering moments. It was probably silly to think if he'd even be invited to stay, what reason he'd have to go back.

He wouldn't have had one before he got thrown into this room.

Calypso rose and took my hand. Her touch sent a warm current through my body. "You asked about my curse, Percy. I did not want to tell you. The truth is the gods send me companionship from time to time. Every thousand years or so, they allow a hero to wash up on my shores, someone who needs my help. I tend to him and befriend him, but it is never random. The Fates make sure that the sort of hero they send..."

Her voice trembled, and she had to stop.

I squeezed her hand tighter. "What? What have I done to make you sad?"

"They send a person who can never stay," she whispered. "Who can never accept my offer of companionship for more than a little while. They send me a hero I can't help...just the sort of person I can't help falling in love with."

"Huh," Alex couldn't help but sound admirable. "Somebody got really creative with that curse."

"Can we not compliment someone who tormented someone else for more eons than you can name," Jason sighed for this poor girl.

"I can admire the structure of a building without wishing it would fall on someone," Alex assured.

"Besides, this is Percy here." Magnus grinned. "You can't convince me he's not going to find some way to sneak this girl out. I bet he comes back through the labyrinth connecting to this place and gives her that freedom."

"Does she deserve it though," Alex raised a challenging brow. "She's not a victimless kid here. Who knows what she did to earn a life sentence. The gods are more than capable of just putting her right back and then deciding to destroy the labyrinth to suit their needs if he does."

Magnus looked intently at Alex as he considered debating that. Atlas felt like he deserved that life sentence because of what he'd done to Annabeth and Zoe, but the cruelty of his punishment came with no end in sight. It didn't feel right for these all-powerful beings to smite out immortal punishments that lasted longer than a lifetime.

Nico kept reading, and Magnus didn't get into it right now because he was still an atheist at heart, and had a great distaste of any 'justice system'. These gods were mighty but flawed beings to him, but it was an endless debate that had no resolution they should have to have someone to be accountable to.

The night was quiet except for the gurgle of the fountains and waves lapping on the shore. It took me a long time to realize what she was saying.

"Me?" I asked.

"If you could see your face." She suppressed a smile, though her eyes were still teary. "Of course, you."

The brief laugh that echoed around the room fell on deaf ears to Percy. He felt like he was still processing her warm brown eyes and the smile on her face for the first time. She was the kind of girl he bet his mom would have wanted him to settle down with, a nice normal girl who would garden with him all day and never flee a school on fire with him. The kind of girl who wouldn't have to hide her knife from Paul Blofis and have to explain why she might be on the run from some monsters.

His mom loved Annabeth, Sally Jackson had always nurtured his creative side and had never ordered him around, but this was the girl his mom would have wanted him to pick, he was sure of it.

And he wouldn't have agreed with her.

"That's why you've been pulling away all this time?"

"I tried very hard. But I can't help it. The Fates are cruel. They sent you to me, my brave one, knowing that you would break my heart."

"But...I'm just...I mean, I'm just me."

"And what's so wrong with that Percy?" Thalia chuckled with a glint in her eyes that spelled trouble. "It seems more than enough to get you by."

Panic shot through him as he thought Thalia was talking about herself for a moment, before her eyes darted to Nico and he laughed supremely awkwardly. He had no idea if Annabeth still loved him outside of a single memory he had of her that seemed to get more wildly out of context the more this went on. Nico had apparently fallen in love with him at some point too?! He even felt like he was still missing the obvious in someone. Now Calypso...Holy Poseidon, Thalia wasn't wrong, and he felt a tiny kernel of panic if Aphrodite really had placed some kind of curse on him.

"That is enough," Calypso promised. "I told myself I would not even speak of this. I would let you go without even offering. But I can't. I suppose the Fates knew that, too. You could stay with me, Percy. I'm afraid that is the only way you could help me."

I stared at the horizon. The first red streaks of dawn were lightening the sky. I could stay here forever, disappear from the earth. I could live with Calypso, with invisible servants tending to my every need. We could grow flowers in the garden and talk to songbirds and walk on the beach under perfect blue skies. No war. No prophecy. No more taking sides.

The truth was Percy could see how easy it would be to fall for someone like Calypso. Annabeth didn't need him, she was a better hero than him in nearly every way. She would probably figure out a way to convince Luke he was being stupid and stop being evil and this prophecy nonsense would be put off for another thousand years or so.

Calypso thought he was funny. She'd been alone for a really long time and needed help. He bet she'd help him build an awesome skate park and he could sit around all day doing things he'd always wanted to, like learn to play guitar and get an unbeatable high score. It wasn't so much that he wouldn't do it.

"I can't," I told her.

He couldn't spend his time waking up every day in a garden, blissfully happy. He couldn't sit around learning to weave and cook beef stew. He could not step away from his prophecy, his friends who needed him, no matter how much Calypso did too.

She looked down sadly.

"I would never do anything to hurt you," I said, "but my friends need me. I know how to help them now. I have to get back."

She picked a flower from her garden—a sprig of silver moonlace. Its glow faded as the sunrise came up. Daybreak is a good time for decisions, Hephaestus had said. Calypso tucked the flower into my T-shirt pocket.

Nico studied the book in surprise. He'd always greatly wondered why Percy had been rooting around and dumping his canteen in that flower box when he'd shown up. It had felt like a warding off gesture to him, considering how much Nico detested plants and Percy must have somehow known this. Instead, he now understood, it was just a very, very sad reminder at the hint of white that had sprouted up.

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed me on the forehead, like a blessing.

"Then come to the beach, my hero. And we will send you on your way."

It would have been easier if she'd argued with him. If she'd begged him to stay and cursed him and the gods out for doing this to her again and thrown a fit, ripping up her precious plants.

She was so kind. She'd accepted her life was just going to be like this, and endless cycle of heartache. She accepted her inevitable defeat.

It was that part of her that he knew he would never be happy with.

The raft was a ten-foot square of logs lashed together with a pole for a mast and a simple white linen sail. It didn't look like it would be very seaworthy, or lakeworthy.

"This will take you wherever you desire," Calypso promised. "It is quite safe."

I took her hand, but she let it slip out of mine.

"Maybe I can visit you," I said.

She shook her head. "No man ever finds Ogygia twice, Percy. When you leave, I will never see you again."

Some god owed him for this. Losing his memory, being trapped in this room. Reliving each and every moment of his past as raw and painful as ever.

He didn't know how, he didn't when, but he knew he would not let this be the case. It was a gut feeling. He would see her again.

"But—"

"Go, please." Her voice broke. "The Fates are cruel, Percy. Just remember me." Then a little trace of her smile returned. "Plant a garden in Manhattan for me, will you?"

"I promise." I stepped onto the raft. Immediately it began to sail from the shore.

Alex had never been to Manhattan, but he was pretty confident they had a plant conservatory garden, and he pretended he couldn't hear Percy's ragged breath for a moment as he instead vividly imagined security chasing Percy with pitchforks and trowels for trying to plant something.

As I sailed onto the lake I realized the Fates really were cruel. They sent Calypso someone she couldn't help but love. But it worked both ways. For the rest of my life I would always be thinking about her. She would always be my biggest what if.

"One even the Fates might not know," Thalia murmured gently. Not even the Titan's had been able to outsmart them. Percy had been the child of the Prophecy. Somehow, some way, he was always going to fulfill that role.

Did that mean there were paths even they couldn't see? A tapestry even they couldn't make? A world beyond the oldest beings?

Within minutes the island of Ogygia was lost in the mist. I was sailing alone over the water toward the sunrise.

Then I told the raft what to do. I said the only place I could think of, because I needed comfort and friends.

"Camp Half-Blood," I said. "Sail me home."

Alex couldn't help but break the tension like a firecracker. "What if you asked to go back to your mom's apartment? Would you appear in the bathtub?"

Percy laughed at this guys never ending sporadicness. It was genuine, but still a little sad as he watched Nico pass the book to Will.

He had somehow been taken out of time over four times in his life already. His life, his choices kept speeding past and around him, colliding with everyone around him whether he wanted them to or not. He could never have stayed on Ogygia anymore than he would willingly stay in this room...but somehow a part of him felt so disconnected from his own future as he floated out on that raft he couldn't begin to guess what came next.

PJOPJOPJO

This was a very big revelation chapter for little kid me. One of the very first instances of showing another point of view.

Reading this chapter, making me realize that Percy was not fighting for the 'right side', but the side his family was on. It wasn't just an obvious choice for good and evil anymore, it was the obligation of family vs duty, the first story this concept was ever introduced to me, and I'll always remember Calypso for that.

I will never understand people who hate Calypso for turning into a shrew by the time Leo comes around. This girl has been dealing with her curse longer than you can conceive of a timeframe, she's earned the right to be pissed and not nice anymore. She was at peace with it for as long as she could be, until she just couldn't handle it anymore. Can you imagine if a god popped in and delivered the news that Kronos was defeated once more and all the gods were now supposed to be taking more responsibility for their kids, and maybe even let slip that she should be let out of her punishment, and they just, didn't?

I imagine it being Demeter or something, all a flutter with excitement for all these new developments and then dropping this bomb, getting distracted by Calypso's beautiful begonias, and then cheesing it leaving Calypso in an understandably bitter future with her curse.

[freeddead]

If someone told Gerry that he had a mental illness, how would he react?

It would largely depend on how they told him. If they were saying it to be insulting and write him off as "crazy," then he would (understandably!) feel insulted and exasperated. He is used to people calling him "insane" and "delusional" when he talks about the Entities, and he is so goddamn tired of people wasting time like that.

However, if they told him in a simple "hey, I think you have this" kind of way, he would be like, "I guess that makes sense," because he knows he has something wrong with him. He knows that he has not made it out of life unscathed and is deeply traumatized and has mental problems as a result. Of course, he's got something going on. However, he probably wouldn't look too much into it, unless...

What if a close friend suggested it?

This is where Gerry is more inclined to dig deeper into something, if a friend says he might have something. He does not take their word at face-value and allow his friend to diagnose him. He would absolutely want to look into it himself and get something more concrete. But he figures anyone he would consider a friend knows him intimately enough to have some idea about what they're talking about. So, he would be more inclined to take their concerns more seriously and probably bring it up with a professional.

What if a professional made an official diagnosis?

Well, then, he'd have no choice but to believe it, would he? They went to school to figure out what's wrong with people's brains, so he should hope they have an even better idea of this stuff than his friends do. He would go along with the course of treatment, but he is a little bit of a skeptic, so if he noticed himself getting worse, he would consult somebody else about it. He knows well that professionals are fallible, but he is not going to write off their suggestions entirely, unless they are provably wrong.

What if a close friend or relative of his was given the diagnosis instead?

He would be understanding and do everything he could to make sure they had the support they needed! He's not going to recoil from someone just because they have ~something wrong with them~ -- don't we all, anyway? He would offer help but only as the other person asked for it because he is not about to pretend he is the expert on what is best for other people.

[helloalycia]

just a kid [two] // wanda maximoff

summary: you decide to get to the bottom of things, suspecting Wanda has something to do with your troubled memories.

warning/s: mentions of death and explicit/descriptive violence.

author's note: here’s the second and final part! bit of an angsty one oof

part one | masterlist | wattpad

In all of the time Wanda and I spent together, we'd never lied to one another. We always told each other everything, even if we thought it would make the others person upset. So, I couldn't for the life of me understand what she was doing behind my back now.

After a while of trying to collect my thoughts and reigning in my agitation, I returned to Doctor Maya's office to see she was alone. When I entered without knocking, she looked up with surprise, but now that I knew that she was hiding something, I saw a hint of guilt.

"Y/N, what can I do for you?" she asked without so much as a shake in her voice. She'd practiced well. "Did we have an appointment?"

I closed the door behind me, stepping forward but not quite committing to taking a seat.

"I still feel nauseous," I said with stern eyes. "I still get nightmares. My thoughts don't feel like my own. My head hurts every time I try to remember my accident."

"Y/N, I've told you, it'll take time to–"

"Stop! Stop lying!" I exclaimed, gripping the back of the chair tightly. "I heard you and Wanda talking earlier. I know you're hiding something. Something to do with Wanda. So, tell me. What is it?"

Other than jumping at my sudden outburst, she showed no expression on her face, nor acknowledgement to my words. I tried a different approach, shoulders sagging with defeat and expression softening.

With a normal volume, I pleaded, "Please. I have a right to know if it concerns me."

Still, she said nothing. Only avoided my eyes and played with her fingers nervously on her desk. I clenched my jaw, trying not to snap.

"Fine," I gave in. "Can you at least tell me if Wanda was there when my accident happened?"

Finally, she spoke, nodding. "Obviously she was. She was the one who got you to the quinjet after you were knocked unconscious."

I chewed the inside of my mouth, trying to piece together the incident. Things still didn't make sense...

"The agent that I was trying to help," I said, remembering that was the reason I was out in the field in the first place, "what happened to them? Where are they now?"

She straightened up in her seat. "As I told you before, he made it out okay. But I cannot tell you where he is."

"And why not?"

"It's not relevant."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Well, now I know you're hiding something."

She pressed her lips together, unsure whether to respond or not. After opening and closing her mouth like a fish in water, she opted to stay silent.

"I guess I'll keep taking my medication like a good girl," I said with sarcastic smile. "Thanks for nothing, doc."

With an eye roll, I left the room and decided to take matters into my own hands. If neither her nor Wanda would tell me the truth, I'd make a start to finding out myself.

First thing's first – Wanda had some sort of connection to this whole thing, excluding the fact that she was hiding it. I recalled hearing her say something about 'working out the kinks'... what was she trying to work out?

I knew she had powers and was capable of many things; was it linked to that? I was having trouble remembering and the only two people who seemed to know were my doctor and Wanda, the girl who had the abilities to manipulate thoughts to her own will. But she wouldn't, would she? That was an invasion of privacy, morally wrong. She was a good person. The only time she'd done that was when she was trying to defeat the Avengers, but she wasn't that person anymore... she wouldn't do that to me, right?

It was getting late and I still had so many pieces of the puzzle to put together. All I had were theories and nothing to back them up. So, as I headed to Wanda's room with tired eyes and a curious brain, I tried to push it away for the evening and focus on getting some sleep, if any.

Wanda was tying her hair up in the mirror, already dressed for bed, when I stepped in. Her eyes caught mine in the mirror and she spun around, expression softening.

"Hey," she said gently, probably taking caution after how our last interaction went. "D'you have a nice walk?"

I pursed my lips, studying her carefully. How could she act like this? So concerned for my well-being as she watched me suffer, when she knew something that might help me?

"Yeah, I guess," I spoke, before taking my shoes off and going to the ensuite to get changed.

It was quiet as I got ready for bed and brushed my teeth. Wanda, thankfully, didn't push me to speak, but I was still confused. I wanted her to tell me what she knew, but she was playing it safe. Maybe I could test the waters a little...?

As I clambered into bed beside her, I saw she was sat up and reading a book in the light of her bedside lamp. I began to take my watch off and glanced at her subtly, deciding to say something.

"I think something is wrong," I said, earning her attention. "I think I might be remembering my accident incorrectly."

She lowered her book, giving me her full attention. But unlike before, I now saw the doubt swimming in her eyes.

"What? Why do you think that?" she asked with confusion.

I put my watch to the side and paused, deciding whether I was in the mood to get into it.

"How do you know it was a mine?" I asked her, quirking a brow.

She pulled a face, as if suggesting my question was silly. "I was there, Y/N. I saw it."

I wanted to believe her, I did.

"Did anyone else see it?" I asked, unable to stop myself.

Closing her book, she shook her head, distracting from the panic settling into her expression. "What's with all of the questions?"

I ignored her. "You can manipulate people's thoughts, can't you? Get into their head. Read their mind."

"Yes...," she answered, nodding with a puzzled frown. "So?"

I'd known Wanda long enough to know she was hiding something. I should have detected the signs sooner. The constant avoidance of my eyes, the fiddling thumbs, the way her accent grew a little stronger. I was right. She was keeping something from me.

"You've never got into my head before, right?" I asked curiously, wondering if she was reading my thoughts right now. Did she know I was on to her? Did she know I knew she was hiding something?

Resting a reassuring hand on mine, she shook her head. "I would never."

I glanced at her hand that squeezed mine, then to her dark green eyes swimming with certainty. Was she lying now? Or was she just getting better at it?

No, I still had my doubts. She must have done something to my thoughts. And I would never know unless she told me, which she clearly wasn't going to.

"You're mad at me," she realised, letting go of my hand.

I shook my head and looked away, frowning. "I'm not. I'm just tired."

Without another word, I got under the covers and turned my back to her. I wasn't sure what else to do. She was blatantly lying to my face when I thought I could trust her. How could she?

Sleep came to me quickly that night, thankfully not bombarded by painful dreams. But when I woke up and had a shower, I realised how angry I still was. Wanda was lying to me and I didn't understand why.

"I'm gonna go back to my flat," I told her out of the blue after drying my hair.

She walked out of the ensuite and leaned against the doorframe, seeming taken aback. "You're going back?"

I nodded, maintaining eye contact. "Yeah. I can't stay here."

Wanda frowned. "This is about last night."

She looked so hurt by my words that I almost took them back, but I didn't. She was a liar.

"Yeah, it is," I said, crossing my arms with certainty, a hostile expression taking over my face. "I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, Wanda, but you're lying to me."

She straightened up, eyebrows furrowing together. "What are you talking about?"

I squeezed my hands as I continued to cross my arms, hiding my frustration. "I know you're in my head."

She hesitated – a split second, but I saw it – and it was enough to confirm my thoughts.

"I would never do that," she said with a shake of her head, making me clench my fists.

"Stop lying to me, Wanda!" I shouted, finally bursting. "I know it's you! You're in there, I can feel you!"

"Y/N–"

"No!" I cut her off, tears brimming my eyes. "You're mixing my thoughts up and spitting out something that isn't real. You have to be! Because if you're not then– then– then I'm going insane."

I swallowed hard, wiping my eyes and looking away momentarily, trying to collect myself. Crying wasn't my intention, but God, the discomfort in the pit of my stomach and the constant restlessness I felt was eating me alive. I needed to know the truth and the one person I thought I could rely on wasn't helping me.

"I'm sorry," she said, and I looked at her to see she was watching me apologetically. "I don't want to. But I have to."

I licked my lips, partially fed up. I was hoping I was mistaken, that the most that would happen is I accused my girlfriend of something immoral. This was way worse. I was right.

"Why do you have to?" I questioned with burning eyes. "What happened that I can't know?"

She stepped forward, but I stepped back. Frowning, hurt, she ran a hand through her hair.

"I can't tell you," she said regretfully, making me groan loudly. "Look, it's not as easy as you think. This is for your own good, Y/N."

"No, no, it's not," I disagreed, before pointing an accusing finger her way. "You don't get to decide that for me! You have no right!"

Glassy green eyes met mine. "This is all to protect you. The truth hurts."

"Fuck yeah, it does," I said bitterly. "Discovering my girlfriend is mind-controlling me is never a nice thing to learn."

"Don't say that!" she snapped, clenching her fists. "It's not like that."

"It's exactly like that," I said lowly, scowling at her. "You're treating me like your enemy. You don't just get to prance around in my head because we're a couple. That's not how this works."

"That's not what I'm doing!" she shouted, eyes beginning to glow red with frustration.

"Then tell me what the hell is going on!" I said, not backing down.

She clenched her jaw, red eyes and anger dispersing as her expression softened. "I can't."

Through blurry vision, I glared her way. "Then fuck you, Wanda! I'll figure it out myself!"

I was sick of her feeling like she could control me, like I was some sort of helpless being who needed her protection. It was my head and I deserved to know what the fuck was in it!

In the two years we'd been together, we'd never argued this bad. And I'd never imagined it would be because she was manipulating me like she was.

With determination, I stormed down to the medical floor of the Tower and straight to Doctor Maya's office.

When she saw me, she looked up with surprise. "Y/N, what are you–"

"Cut the act, I know the truth," I interrupted her. "About Wanda mind-controlling me. How you were both in cahoots. I know it all."

She seemed shocked. "I– I don't know what to say."

"You can tell me where the agent I tried to help is," I got straight to the point.

"I'm not sure if I should–"

"One way or another, I'm going to find out," I deadpanned, not in the mood to be played. "Just tell me."

It didn't take much convincing, as I soon found myself on the way to a hospital at a nearby S.H.I.E.L.D. facility where the agent was recovering in. With my clearance, it wasn't difficult to get inside, and after explaining who I was, the agent – Agent Montgomery – was happy to have me visit him.

When I walked into his room, I saw he was sitting up in his bed, watching the TV hung on the wall ahead. When he saw me however, he muted it and smiled brightly at me. I noticed the bruises littering his body and though he was wearing a hospital gown, I suspected his injuries were bandaged beneath it.

"Doctor Y/L/N," he addressed me. "It's such a pleasure. I've been wanting to thank you ever since you helped me out a week ago."

I offered a small smile, stopping by his bedside. "There's no need. I was just–" I hesitated, feeling like an idiot as I couldn't even remember what I'd helped him with. "I was just doing my job."

He chuckled. "So modest. It's just nice to know you're doing okay. If it weren't for you swooping in on the scene, I'm sure I would've bled out. I wanted to thank you, but the doctors here told me that you were pretty shaken up after what happened and needed some time."

My eyes fell to the monitors beside his bed, avoiding his eyes. "Yeah... what exactly happened that day?"

He seemed surprised. "You don't remember? It wasn't... it wasn't good. I thought that's why you were taking the time for yourself."

I looked up, catching the way his smile faded into a frown and he looked down to his hands sadly.

"Can you refresh my memory?" I asked gently, unsure whether I was ready to hear the truth or not. But it was now or never.

"Well, from my perspective, I was laying on the ground, thinking I was gonna die from blood loss..."

This part of the city was desolate and destroyed, remnants of broken buildings as a result of the Avengers' fight surrounding me. When I was rushed into the field with my team, with plans of finding the handful of casualties to be extracted, I followed usual protocol.

It was supposed to be empty of enemy combatants. We were just supposed to be prepping the casualties for evacuation, as usual. This time was different though.

I came across Agent Montgomery's body by myself, separated from my team as they spread out amongst the rubble to find the rest of the bodies.  He was laying there, body unmoving as his hand was pressed to a point above his stomach.

Instinctively, I rushed over to him and began to unload my medical equipment on the ground beside him. I squinted in the hot sun – why was it so bright out? – as I tried to pull the agent's helmet off.

"Hey, I'm here to help," I told him reassuringly, giving him a smile that I hoped would put him at ease. "Can you hear me?"

"You helped me, patched me up," Agent Montgomery was explaining vividly, and I found myself hanging onto his every word.

For the first time in a week, my memories were making sense. They flowed as one rather than in mashed scenes of a broken film.

He nodded, to my relief, and let me move his hand to the side so I could see what I was working with. A bullet wound and from the looks of it, the bullet was still lodged in there.

I spent the next five minutes patching him up well enough so I could eventually take him back to the quinjet, whilst making conversation with him so he would feel better about everything. When I was done, I radioed my team to help collect him and planned to wait by his side until they arrived. But I heard someone calling for help and looked up with confusion, hand resting on my own pistol.

"There was this kid," he recalled, wincing at the mention of her, which made me wonder what went wrong. "I was a little out of it, I'm not gonna lie. But I could never forget it. Forget that poor girl."

The voice belonged to a little girl. It was as if she'd appeared out of nowhere. Her clothes were tattered and she was covered in dirt, like she'd climbed out from one of the collapsed buildings. I wouldn't have put it past her. People did live here after all. Or, at least, they did.

"Hey," I said quietly, letting go of my pistol. "Are you okay, love? Are you hurt?"

She frowned, lip quivering. "I don't know where my family is."

My heart sank at her words, watching the look of horror cross her expression. I couldn't imagine what she must have witnessed as the battles raged on earlier. She stepped closer to me, eyes blinking innocently, before finding the state of the agent on the floor.

"He'll be okay," I reassured her, earning her attention. "And so will you. I'll help you find your family, yeah?"

She nodded, wiping away fresh tears.

"She was just a kid," Agent Montgomery said, his own eyes glassy from pent up emotions. "She didn't deserve what happened."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. He didn't need to finish. I remembered it so vividly.

"Do you have a name?" I asked her, removing my medical gloves and throwing them to the side so I could give the girl all of my attention.

I outstretched my hand, offering it up. She rested hers in mine, making me smile.

"Selena," she mumbled.

"Well, Selena," I began, hopefully, "that's a pretty name. And I'm sure we can find your parents in no time."

We just had to wait until my team came and then I could try to look for her parents. It wouldn't be hard and I refused to accept they were dead, despite the likelihood of them being alive being quite low.

Selena nodded, her tiny hand squeezing mine, searching for comfort. I squeezed it back, kneeling before her and giving her a quick nod.

Before either of us could say anything more, the unexpected happened. It was as if there was a bomb set in the middle of that tiny girl's body because one second I was staring at her, and the next, she exploded all over, coating me in tiny, fleshy pieces.

My jaw dropped with disbelief, ears ringing from the explosion and heart dropping at the suddenness of it all. I risked looking down, only to see the girl's hand still intact and resting in mine. But where her body should have connected, there was nothing there.

I couldn't help but think how strange it all looked, like a prop from a film set, or a mannequin hand from a clothing shop. I dropped it without thinking, watching it bounce onto the blood-stained ground.

Smoke and blood infiltrated my nose. I looked down and my hands were shaking so much, covered in what looked like minced meat. Meat. Blood. Smoke.

My stomach curled, but I couldn't move. Eyes were permanently widened. Hands were still shaking. The girl's voice played in my ears amidst the ringing. One second she was there and the next she wasn't.

"It came out of nowhere," Agent Montgomery muttered. "Some weapon HYDRA were testing. Had the ability to make its target explode within seconds. She was just another victim of the senseless violence that day."

I swallowed hard, my stomach curling. So much nausea. So much aching. I pocketed my sweaty, shaking hands. Looked to Agent Montgomery.

"That avenger, the witch?" he continued, looking up to me. "She got us out of there. Killed the HYDRA agent. You must've passed out from shock. But she saved us both."

Wanda. She was there. She'd seen it all happen. She'd saved me.

She'd lied to me.

My mouth was dry like sandpaper. My head hurt. I felt sick. The memories were connecting as they flashed through my mind.

It came out of nowhere.

She was just a kid.

"Thanks for telling me," I managed to get out, already backing up. "Good luck with your recovery."

He may have responded, but I wouldn't know. I left the room, ears ringing like I was still there. I looked down, half expecting my clothes to be covered in flesh. Selena's flesh. That poor girl...

She was just a kid.

My vision blurred and I had to pause, hanging in the empty hallway of the medical wing. I raised my hand, covering my mouth as I struggled to breathe without shaking. But it was impossible.

It came out of nowhere.

I don't know where my family is.

"There you are."

I looked up, blinking away tears, making out Wanda standing before me. She seemed reluctant to come closer and for a moment, I wasn't sure what I was feeling.

"Doctor Maya told me where you were," she explained quietly.

Do you have a name?

"I don't have t-time for this," I got out, pushing myself away from the wall and moving forward, walking past her.

"Y/N, please wait," she pleaded, grabbing my arm, and I shook her off so quickly. The thought of being touched right now, when I was covered in–

I looked down. I was clean.

Selena.

"I shouldn't have controlled your mind," Wanda continued from behind me, sincerity in her words. "It wasn't right. It wasn't my place."

I turned around, breath catching in my throat. My ears were still ringing. Hands still sweaty. I pocketed them, though they shook so much my jacket was moving.

Well, Selena, that's a pretty name. And I'm sure we can find your parents in no time.

"She was just a kid," I said, expecting such ferocity in my words, but they barely came out above a whisper. "She wasn't supposed to be there."

Wanda swallowed hard, taking a small step forward. I didn't move back.

"It wasn't your fault."

"She just wanted her family." I clenched my jaw, squeezing my sweaty, shaky hands into fists. "She shouldn't have been there."

"Y/N..."

I squeezed my eyes shut, tears flowing out, before shouting, "You had no right! You– you– you had no fuckin' right!"

Wanda watched me with glossy eyes. "I know. You're right."

Just a kid.

The ringing stopped. I clutched my stomach, wishing the stabbing nausea would disappear. Now that my thoughts were whole again, I felt like I was experiencing the whole thing once more. It was catching up to me quicker than I could adjust to.

She opened her mouth to speak and I shook my head, signalling for her to stop. I couldn't take it. I was so angry and hurt and shocked and I– I–

"I hate you," I breathed out.

She frowned, eyes screaming with guilt. "Y/N..."

My jaw ached from the pressure I was putting on it. Marks were forming in my palm from how hard I was squeezing my fists. She had no right.

"It wasn't your fucking place," I repeated, moving forward and bundling her shirt in my fist. Glaring at her through my tears, I saw the way she put up no fight, expressions softening and etched with guilt. "You– you– you–"

My hands began to shake again. The ringing returned. I couldn't take it. I let go and shoved her back, needing a moment. But I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to hate her. She had messed with my head. Made this so much worse than it could have been if she'd just let me suffer in the first place. But at the same time, a small part of me wished it would have worked. That her mind manipulation would have done it's job and I wasn't remembering. Because fuck, remembering hurt like a bitch.

More tears came and I squeezed my eyes shut, squeezing my stomach to ease the never-ending pain. I opened my mouth to speak, but a sob came out instead, and before I knew it, Wanda was wrapping her arms around me, letting me fall into her.

"It's okay," she said with certainty, squeezing me. "You'll be okay."

I shook my head because I knew that wasn't true. Nothing was okay. I couldn't imagine it ever being okay.

She was just a kid.

[scripttorture]

Hello! I have a few questions related to your most recent post and the definition of torture. You said:

"A trained person who was never tortured will always out perform someone whose training involved torture."

According to everything else I have seen on your blog, this makes sense - the mental and physical trauma from being tortured have lasting effects which make certain tasks more difficult.

However, this seems to juxtapose certain tropes I've seen in US military training advertisements. For example, "Hell Week" in the Navy SEAL training seems like it would be torture if it was forced upon someone (like if the soldiers didn't sign up for it and didn't have the option to quit.). *Hell Week is when soldiers are training continuously for 5 days in freezing, wet conditions, with little more than 4 hours of sleep for the entire week, under insane amounts of physical and mental stress.

- If someone chose to be tested both mentally and physically, I feel like it wouldn't be torture. However, if the same exact conditions were forced upon someone else (testing their mental and physical limits without their consent or understanding), does your quote above mean that the person who did not have a choice would not reap the benefits of the training/testing? Or would the Navy SEALs be better soldiers if they didn't have to go through 'torturous conditions' during Hell Week, regardless of their choice to do so?

(I used Hell Week as an example, but I meant this question generally. I'm trying to figure out how to best train an elite soldier and avoid any harmful torture apologia tropes, while also making sure that they are able to handle insanely challenging situations)

- My other question has more to do with the definition of torture that you quoted from the UN in one of your master posts. If someone is being seriously injured (pulled fingernails, whipping, starvation etc), but not for the purposes of interrogation, punishment, or intimidation, is that still torture, or is that just abuse? And, regardless of what we call it, would the effects be the same as if it were torture for any of the three motives above?

Sorry if this is long and hard to understand, I can clarify if needed!

It’s not the longest I’ve gotten and it’s perfectly clear, duck*. :) Honestly this is a difficult topic with a lot of nuance, it’s better to take a longer and more thoughtful approach.

 From the stand point of the legal definition and what we study/understand as torture any consensual activity, however extreme, is not torture.

 But here’s where it gets interesting: consent and our attitude to an activity actually changes our response to pain. It may even change how much pain we feel.

 I’m going to take a slightly different example to yours. There are a lot of cultures globally that have practiced scarification, ritual cutting to deliberately form scars. And this can be done for a lot of reasons: membership of a family or clan, coming of age, traditional medicine, religion, you get the idea.

 A lot of people in these cultures describe their scars as incredibly important and the process of getting them as a moving, deep and positive process.

 This does not mean they wouldn’t be traumatised if they were attacked by someone with a knife.

 Being able to approach something painful and see it as positive really changes our perspective. It makes trauma and mental illness a lot less likely. And being able to back out, even if it’s just for a little while to take a breather, seems to make us able to withstand more pain then we would have otherwise.

 The simplest and most famous experiment that dealt with this relationship between our mindset and pain asked people to keep their hands in ice cold water. They timed how long people could do it when they were told to stay silent and how long they could do it when they were allowed to swear. If they swore they could hold their hands under for longer. An average of forty seconds longer.

 Looking back over O’Mara (Why Torture Doesn’t Work, a very good intro to how pain works and what it does to the brain) the way he describes it as by thinking of the experience of pain as a collection of three things. There’s the physical sensation itself, the nerves firing. But there’s also an affective component, how we feel emotionally about the experience and a cognitive component, how we think about it.

 Did you ever play that game as a kid where you stuff as many chilis as possible in your mouth to see who would spit them out first? I… might have done. And from what I remember it hurts an awful lot. But those memories to me are mostly about messing about with my friends, I remember trying to be stubborn about it and I remember us laughing at each other.

 This is a completely different experience to someone being held down and having chili stuff up their nose. But the difference isn’t necessarily in the physical damage done or the physical sensation of pain. It’s in the other components, the emotional response and the rationalisation.

 I also had a filling drilled in my tooth without painkillers as a kid. I don’t know how common this is in the West? It happened in Saudi. Honestly my biggest memory of it is the language barrier between myself and the dentist.

 These are anecdotes obviously but I’m trying to show that you probably also have experiences in your own life that back up the experiments too. The way we think about a painful experience really does make a huge amount of difference. And that means consent matters enormously.

 These soldiers are going into this experience knowing what to expect, how long it will last and that they can stop at any time. That makes a huge amount of difference. Those same factors have drastically increased the time volunteers will spend in solitary confinement for research. I’m pretty sure if I dug even a little I’d find pain studies with similar findings.

 Here’s the flip side: the physical factors are still in play.

 Sleep is an important physiological process that’s essential to normal functioning. Studies on consensual sleep deprivation have shown massive negative impacts on memory along with a host of other things that you can read about here.

 Let’s take a non torture example. A student who stays up all night cramming for an exam is not going to develop the symptoms of trauma that a torture survivors who was sleep deprived would. But the effect sleep deprivation has on memory is due to sleep playing an essential role in preserving memory (and learning more generally.) So they’re both likely to have difficulty remembering things in days just before and just after sleep deprivation. They’re also both more likely to have false memories and catch a bad cold.

 As a result of this memory impairment I question the educational value of anything involving sleep deprivation: you can’t learn while messing up the processes that let your brain remember things.

 There have been cases in the UK of people dying during training for the armed forces. Because while consent makes a huge difference, mindset makes a huge difference- our bodies still have limits. We can choose to push ourselves past those limits and, whatever our motivation or feelings, it can do real harm.

 Personally? I’m unsure of the benefit of these kinds of exercises. As in I’m unsure there is a benefit. Learning is going to be shot, chances of injury are going to be a lot higher- I don’t see anything that could be improved by these sorts of exercises.

 Anecdotally people do report feeling like a closer unit after going through these sorts of routines. That might be the benefit: moral and unit cohesion, possibly self-esteem too.

 If you’re making up something for your story I think it’d be helpful for me to mention a little statistical effect that gets used to justify punishment pretty regularly. Get some dice out if you’ve got them and roll one. Let’s say the number represents performance in some kind of test (because effort and learning matter but our performance also varies because of things we can’t control.) A roll of 1 gets punished, a roll of 6 gets praised.

 Now after you roll that first 1 statistically speaking the chances are your next roll will be better. And if you roll a 6 then statistically speaking the chances are your next roll will be worse. People observe this effect in real life and they often conclude that there’s no point in praising someone but that punishment leads to improvement. Really it’s just a statistical effect, after a particularly, noticeably bad day the chances are things will be better next and vice versa.

 This effect can make it difficult for people to recognise overall, long term progress. Which is the kind of progress you should be paying attention to when designing a training program.

 If you want good performance from people, whatever the metric, the most efficient thing to do is ensure that those people are; well fed, have access to clean water, get plenty of sleep, have breaks and have access to medical treatment when they need it.

 I’d say the main things to keep in mind when designing this fictional training regime are:

Being honest about the effects you describe, ie if they’re spending long periods without shelter are they at risk from exposure? If they’re standing in cold water are they going to get hypothermia?

Remember that even if something is damaging or causes lasting trauma it would not necessarily prevent someone from doing their job. Torture survivors have serious, lasting symptoms but many of them still work.

 I think I’m going to leave that there because I’m not an expert in militaries or training people. And keep in mind that I am a pacifist, read this with my biases in mind.

 Getting to the second question, there is a little more to the UN definition then that. The primary factor is still who the abuser is. For it to be torture (legally speaking) the abuser has to be (or be ordered by) an on-duty government employee, part of a group that controls territory (ie an occupying force). Some countries also count international organised criminal gangs in this definition.

 It’s also important to note that torture can be targetted at someone other then the victim. So if the police arrest the brother of a political opponent and beat him in order to intimidate the politician, that is still torture.

 Basically there are a lot of factors in the legal definition of torture and it’s that way by design. The hope is that you end up with a framework that captures as much government abuse as possible.

 But it also means that there’s a pretty high barrier when it comes to proving torture. Which means that things which are legally torture can be prosecuted as assault, bodily harm or equivalents to these, because it’s easier to get a conviction for those charges.

 Technically you are correct: if abuse done by a government official doesn’t have one of the four motivations in the legal definition (attempts to obtain information, forcing a confession, intimidation or punishment) then it doesn’t meet the definition.

 However in practice I’ve not heard of a case failing because of the motive.

 I’m not a lawyer and I’m not an expert in international law. I won’t say it’s never happened. But it’s much more common for cases to fail for other reasons. Off the top of my head I’d say the most common reason is difficulty proving the abuse took place.

 The most common types of torture today are ‘clean’, a term we use to indicate that they don’t leave obvious marks. If someone turns up with fingernails torn out or the skin of their back lacerated by a whip that is clear physical evidence of abuse. Nothing else causes similar injuries. But if someone turns up at a doctor’s with swollen feet or reddened skin, if they’ve lost a lot of weight or they’re so tired they’re struggling to stand… Well all of those things can be caused by common tortures. But they can also be caused by common illnesses.

 A lot of the deaths from torture today are similarly hard to prove. Beatings and stress positions ultimately cause death by kidney failure. Which can mean that prosecutors are asked to prove a victim didn’t have an underlying health condition. Or take drugs.

 Honestly my instinct is that the motive is the easiest thing to prove. It’s often harder to bring charges against people in positions of authority, regardless of the country we’re talking about. Bringing those charges, proving abuse took place and proving it was done by the person in question, those are usually the tricky parts.

 The difference between torture and abuse is scale. Torture is industrial scale abuse.

 The law doesn’t define that scale but that’s what we’re talking about when we talk about abuse from organised authority. Abusers might have dozens of victims. Torturers have thousands, tens of thousands.

 If you want to explore a different motivation in your story, something outside the legal framework, consider the scale at which this abuse is taking place. Consider how organised it is. If it’s organised and large scale, with multiple abusers, with no prior relationship between the abuser and victims then torture will probably be a better model then abuse. If it’s smaller scale with a more personal relationship and if it isn’t supported by a legal framework/organisation then abuse might be a better model.

 For victims and survivors the difference isn’t so much about the symptoms they personally experience as the… side effect of that scale. Abuse victims are often very isolated and may not know anyone who has had a similar experience. Torture implies a community of survivors and possibly generational trauma. There are also effects to do with access to support, access to medical care and how likely it is that someone will be believed.

 Torture survivors are often systematically disenfranchised in a way that abuse victims are not. Torture survivors are often forced to leave their home country. Anecdotally, based on what I’ve seen globally over the last few years, I think that struggling to get citizenship is increasingly an issue for torture survivors. And without citizenship there’s difficulty finding legal work, getting accommodation, accessing medical care, accessing the legal system etc.

 I do not know whether torture survivors are more or less likely to be believed by their community compared to survivors of abuse. I do not think any one has attempted a comparative study. I do know that the prevalence of clean torture means that many torture survivors are not believed and this puts up a further barrier, making it harder to access medical treatment and bring charges.

 Rejali’s book was published in 2009, so things may have changed a tad. At the time he was writing the average wait for a torture survivor to see a specialist doctor was about 10 years.

 Abuse is to torture what murder is to genocide. And there are difference on a wider social scale as a result.

 I mention all that because I feel it’s relevant but the impression I get is you’re mostly interested in the long term symptoms? In which case, yes the legal definition makes very little difference. The physical injuries caused by particular kinds of abuse don’t change depending on whether it’s a private individual or a police officer holding the Taser.

 The lasting psychological symptoms are not particular to torture; they’re what the human brain does when traumatised. The same symptoms can manifest in people who witness traumatic events but weren’t actually hurt themselves. They can manifest in people who were injured in accidents and they manifest in people who were neglected or abused. Hell, I have a couple of them, though no where near the severity a torture survivors would experience. A sufficient amount of stress is enough for these symptoms to start developing in anybody.

 You can find the general list of symptoms here. There’s also a post specifically about memory problems over here.

 The pattern I describe; that these symptoms are a list of possibilities not ‘every torture victim will get all of these’ holds true for trauma survivors generally. Anecdotally there is some variability with chronic pain being reported more often with some kinds of abuse. That might be because it can have physical causes, psychological causes or a mix of the two.

 Whether it’s torture or abuse there isn’t any way to predict a survivor’s symptoms in advance. Much of the advice I have about writing torture survivors and their symptoms holds true for trauma survivors generally. Which is why I’ll still take a crack at some questions that aren’t about torture.

 Pick the symptoms that you feel fit the character and serve the story. We can’t predict symptoms and that means that there’s no reason why you shouldn’t pick the things that appeal to you.

 And I think I’m going to leave it there. I hope that helps :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*This is a weird English endearment. I had someone ask if this was me trying not to swear. 

[eluxcastar]

I was being a single mom who works two jobs loves their kids and never stops (I have no children 💀 but it felt that way). Guess who's about to ruin the aesthetic dividers by haphazardly shoving every divider they've ever used in (update got pissed off trying to move them with my fingers they match now)

HOUSE OF WOLVES AU OMG, I feel like thematically that makes the most sense. If they have equal shares of that (or both wanted it/both knew they both wanted it), attacking where it hurts, Arle feels very Pantalone-like— she needs it for the orphanage, most likely, whether she's entitled to it or not. What better way to throw her off than to destroy it?

Leaving the orphanage unprotected would be a blind spot, and that's something to be exploited. He can weaponise the fact he sent loverboy after it, and even if she does get it, it'll be one last middle finger to say Pantalone got the last laugh. Tbh, I think it would be generally interesting for loverboy to have to fight those three, but also so extremely stressful because that's an uneven matchup. Strangely, I almost feel like they wouldn't totally want to fight each other either because none of them have anything against each other; they're just butting heads because the people they're associated with are.

I find it absolutely hilarious because, like, Dottore just existed doing his thing, and they all went, "Yo what the FUCK is up with that guy—" and made the tbf pretty sane choice to just not touch whatever is going on over there. Not everyone can be child reader protected by the threat of Arle's belt

His opinion of Pierro literally being

is so funny to me because, much like half his opinions on people, he's like, "WOW you're actually INSANE" like loverboy is too NORMAL. Get him OUT OF HERE

Also, the fact Capitano is so "You look like something a kid imagines under their bed or in their closet, but instead of eating the exposed limbs from outside the blanket, you just tuck them back under so they're nice and warm. Chill dude" I giggle

Tartaglia also feels so real because comparatively to the Harbingers, they are burdened by normalcy 💀 Tartaglia is so easy to be like, "Fight?? Oh, that's wonderful, no thanks—" and carry on because he may be microwaved but professionals have standards

LISTEN he's still got the temper but he just smiles through the pain of wanting to shoot people a little better now. It's about balance 🙏 you can be as fucked up as you want as long as you can hide it better than Dottore so people don't wanna kill you with hammers. You can't trust that face but for a minute you could think that's a man who wouldn't gaslight gatekeep girlboss (you'd be wrong)

Farsighted Pantalone is an interesting thought 🧐 unfortunately I am currently near-sighted, a blind bitch as some might say, so I will have to consult childhood me for that because I went from having reading glasses to distance glasses 😭 so if I ever wanted to write Pantalone leaning pov that would be a fun challenge

omg omg. loverboy who struggles to adapt to life again because he's in what should be a peaceful environment, he doesn't have to do anything like that anymore, and he should be fine. It somehow only gets worse, like being in a place where that's not acceptable fucks him up more, he's more violent than when he left because being a fatuu meant he had to be or he's get killed—for three years that was drilled into his head and now it's stuck with him. He reacts to the things working at the Northland Bank borderline conditioned him to, including scammers who think they can pull one over on him, and how was he told to deal with that? Break some bones.

Then the paranoia really starts to set in. What if he's too good at it? what if those three years were able to grind away at him just enough because, when he looks at all the people around him who assumedly also spent three years working for the fatui, the mildly envy-fuelled rose-coloured glasses he views a fraction of their lives through make everyone else seem so much more adjusted than he is, even though he tries to go back to civilian life like nothing happened.

it does a little bit make him a victim of perception, and he probably knows there's more than what little people present of themselves, but when you're struggling to fit back in where you're forcing yourself to fit, riddled with lingering guilt and the fear it got to you after all and are probably not living in the best circumstances now that you're without you nice fatui pay, you're gonna end up a little bit blind to reality and get stuck in questioning yourself.😭

I ACTUALLY DO I JUST NEVER POST IT because I may write it, but I certainly don't write it well, at least not that I have any confidence sharing. I imagine horny people are horny regardless, but I care even for the residents of horny jail, so I save them from the poorly written smut of my drafts. Idk how to explain in anything but the citrus scale, and I refuse to elaborate on that further because it's a relic of my days on a cursed orange app we all know and tolerate

all that is to say I'm totally fine rambling about it dw I keep a stash of nasty fics/art that would put a victorian nobleman in a permanent coma CIA couldn't waterboard some things outta me

BUT SO TRUE pathetic sobbing messes are just 🤌 I remember you told me about the corruption kink way back when you made the Kaveh request yes I remember these things it's archive memory still coming btw just on hold while it simmers again

I am inclined to agree, especially in Liyue. I think it would really kill some opportunities for him to have a former debt collector on his resume because that doesn't exactly speak to someone with a lot to offer but a good customer service smile. It's definitely not the kind of work history people would trust, especially not those who have bad blood with the Fatui 😔

That would also make an abundance of sense as to why dear old dad was so split between giving everything to the Tsaritsa and providing for his wife and son 💀 kid's gotta eat, and dad likes his job for the honour of it; it just works out to a father who went to get mild regularly in pursuit of following orders when loverboy was young

Literally, they DESTROY me. I have to write my own fics and save them for later when I get sappy over them and go back to read all the backstory and scenarios and stuff I wrote. It's a one-man show out here made for Riri by Riri 😭 throw them all in my notes, and when I feel sentimental, decide that it's the perfect time to go cry over Neru not being canon it or how cute Quintil and Skuld are or sob because Vela is so precious and I explode because Adam's her BOY her BABY and— this is not about loverboy anymore backtracking

RIGHT it's so delicious to think because it requires action from Pantalone that forces him to consider the viability of loverboy at all. He knows who he is, knows that guy is crazy because he tries to push him out a window, briefly considers making him bite the curb and ultimately decides to dig up some dirt on him and put this ViSiOn fROm ThE gODs of his to the test. Another opportunity to almost kill each other acquired

UNHAPPILY REFERENCE SPOTTED bro has such strong preservation he was working HARD GOING places all to get back to him husband who decided that fucker better have.wonderful explanation or he can chew lead. (Second instance of Pantalone being a little bit impulsive and rash because of anger)

————————

I ran out of images 💀💀

ME AND THE HOMIES VIOLATING ETHICAL BUSINESS PRACTICE WITH THIS ONE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️ he wants that reinforced mop on his knees again giving him that same incredulous look he gave him back when Pantalone watched him first kill someone he wants to find the reddest lipstick he can in hopes of recreating that moment when he ran his thumb over his bloodied lip and made an even bigger mess of him

————————

the amount that has been written about this man is crazy we've got a whole essay here 😭😭 he's so spoiled but he deserves it because he's the baby boy 🙏

Ok lets go SImply reblogging your oneshot for my req isn't enough i need to analyze and annotate the entire thing like a literature professor and tell you Everything. (✿◡‿◡)

pantalone might be ooc

He's not!!!!!! by which i think this is fairly a Really Good portrayal of the guy considering the 5 sentences we know about him. He's strict!!! frankly a little scary!! And also chill and positive about loverboy!! But it felt Just Right!!!! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

descriptions of blood

description so good i might as well have killed that man myself

...pretend that his lore has a spot where this fits perfectly

I think i can make it fit!! would you be cool with making minor changes if so?

"You're very good at what you do."

Imagining the same voice as sebastian michaelis saying this with the sexiest buttersmooth voice is eviscerating me. Very self-indulgent but praise kinks will always slay so hard.

...on the verge of stabbing him a moment ago. 

This,, and the small thing i wrote about loverboy launching them both out the window to escape an onslaught of assassins in my other req. get you a ship where one of them has completely normal knee-jerk reactions to kill the other <3

...as he crushes their hand beneath his shoe without mercy

Fatui Harbingers - House of Wolves - KIERU 0:15

...Instead, Pantalone looks unfazed by it all, stopping as he reaches the other side of you, free of most of the blood. He greets you with a knowing smile as he usually does.

hey ririto this is so ominous and eerie for some reason not known to me. Just the backdrop of grey and snow and probably a gruesome corpse right next to loverboy and Pantalone has a silent smile through everything. Delicious sentence 10/10.

"I knew making you a banker was a good idea,"

THIS IS SO. The confidence and quite calm assurance that pantalone says this with is SO. You'd never be sure whether to lean into it and let out a sigh of relief,, o r back up further becuase it sounds so good but all in the wrong ways.

...thumb brushing across your bottom lip slicked with blood.

fellas is it professional to feed double edged words of honey to your young inexperienced subordinate while kneeling in front of his battered and bruised self who killed someone for you,, and run a gloved thumb across his blood soaked lip. ( ͡• ͜ʖ ͡• )

"Who knew you had so many other talents,"

you are infusing these dialouges with crack cocaine giggling kicking my feet while being slightly concerned because Sir. What do you mean by that.

"Ah ah," he says, a harshness seeping into even just that sound. "Stay."  You stay put,

thank you for making loverboy so Ouppy.

"Lord Harbinger," you try to say

yes,, this could be a minor thing to adjust: i think we could actually fit this oneshot somewhere AFTER he gets his vision,, and BEFORE Pantalone becomes the Harbinger Regrator. Can be a valid reason for Pantalone to see that reader failed to kill the assassin from their shitty negotiation meeting,, and wanting to newly test him again after he had his vision + ambitions awakened to see if he can get past the fear of killing NOW. (Even then,, maybe due to inexperience/unfamiliarity of using visions, reader didn't think to raise his advantage of supernatural powers against another visionless man in this scenario.)

I'd think his first kill was one of the factors that caused him to leave after his 3year duty, not sticking around for Pantalone's promotion to Regrator.

"You are much like your father."

Top 10 things Not to say to someone with daddy issues-

...they're as wet behind the ears as you are.

Dear diary, Today i learned a new speech of expression

...Pantalone's hand that rests on your chin moves... "Now, try again. Dear banker, whatever do you mean?" 

this whole paragraph. What on earth do you mean 'ooc pantalone'. This is the MOST pantalone thing you could've written. Strict and intimidating about improving reader's meek attitude. a Push in the right direction.

"Is this a test?" you manage, words muffled by the way he squishes your face like putty beneath his fingers.

(thank you for making loverboy so Ouppy) x2

...and you know who, regardless of how 'anonymous' that source may have been in his words.

I MAY BE STUPID. （；´д｀）ゞ I CANT TELL. who you are hinting towards 😭😭

"Hold this," he adds, an unnervingly tender instruction for the way he was just behaving. 

There he is. its reminding me of: the same pantalone that washed reader with a clock in my very first req to you.

...looking probably about as pathetic as you think you do.

POV: You're Pantalone looking down at Loverboy.

I forgot how much of a bug-eyed wet dog loverboy is before his time-skip "character development" so to say. Thanks i love him.

"next time someone approaches you from behind, don't wait to stab them. Don't reach for your wet knife with your wet hands, either. Both of those things will get you killed."

I think pantalone is entirely having too much fun with observing Loverboy try climbing the ropes to how REAL fatuus run business.

"Come now. You want to go home and back to Liyue, don't you? I'm tired of this cold." 

Σ(っ °Д °;)っ back to liyue??? Loverboy is Liyuean??? pantalone stays in liyue??? I ALWAYS THOUGHT arlecchino called pantalone a bitch in Signora's funeral for "never leaving the comfort of his homeland?" Whuh-?

ALL IN ALL,, CLOSING THOGUHTS,, GOOD FOOD RIRITO DINNER HAS BEEN SERVED, ATE, AND LICKED CLEAN 10/10 ILY

I GOTT THIS JUST BEFORE I WENT TO SLEEP AND ONLY JUST GOT THE TIME TO ANSWER IT BUT I KNEWWW YOU WOULD GET THE HOUSE OF WOLVES REFERENCE

That is true actually and I realised after I posted it that like, wtf is in character for him?? 😭 he's said like two things and while I have memorised those things they're not a lot to go off but I'm glad you enjoy him (ﾉ´▽｀)ﾉ♪

Also if you can make it fit, feel free ☆(≧∀≦*)ﾉ I sorta only had a vague idea of where it might go, but at that point in time, loverboy works abroad in the Northland Bank. I'll also throw in that he travelled there for that job and unfortunately does not come from Liyue 😔 (unless he's supposed to?? I got the impression he was from Snezhnaya) it was more a "I bet you'd love to be back at a desk job rn" or something to that effect, loverboy is going back to the bank once things are settled where he belongs but Pantalone isn't going with him (hence why they're in Snezhnaya when this happenscause I also interpret at as him not liking to leave Liyue)

I'm so glad the J Michael Tatum love never stops but also you're so right praise kinks absolutely do. I also noticed that them trying to kill each other is like, a repeated theme so far 😭⁉️ LIKE WHEN PANTALONE WENT TO FIND HIM LAST ONESHOT HE WAS GONNA KILL THAT FUCKER

Confident possibly mildly degrading Pantalone is literally my favourite thing, like I chew on him. I chew on him being unnervingly calm because what would he have in the eyes of a wet mop boy besides an unwavering poker face. Get yourself a man who uses the blood of your enemies like your lipstick and knows he made good choices stationing you at his shady probably money laundering black hole of debt he calls a bank

Yk I agree actually I was trying to figure the timeline out in my head and realised it would've made more sense to happen before he was a Harbinger so I agree with this revision that actually makes it fit the lore and if I ever decide to make it a longer multichapter fic I'll definitely fix that 💀 t'was a victim of laziness

YES YES THIS Pantalone basically shaping him up so he doesn't literally die and being strict with it get so him. He'll prompt him to say it again but won't let it slide because that behaviour isn't going to be beneficial, especially not with someone who may be working under him long-term

I went back to read the part about the anonymous source line came from, and I think I figured out what happened here, so allow me to explain  (;ﾟдﾟ)   Ok so, it has a bit to do with the weird way I wrote this because when I said I wrote this on the train that was half a lie. I wrote some of it on the train and the rest at the library where I also edited what I already had because the spelling mistakes were atrocious. I did write down who it was but cut it when I decided it cluttered the story a bit which retrospectively was also a mistake because I didn't think about the fact it would seem like I was hinting at something at the time (ﾟ▽ﾟ*) the shorter, boring answer is that there's no one Ririto did a big silly and cut context in the chaotic editing this suffered

LMAO NOT THE CLOCK AGAIN

I love him the wet mop boy. I was like I want him to be at least a lil pathetic rn because his concerns are completely different. He's thinking about how to not die, and how much he misses his mom and his much fatui dick his dad must've been riding before death to think this career path was worth it (slash JOKING but he is still wondering why his father would have done this job willingly) that and I think men who whimper are cute thanks for coming to my Ted talk

HE IS ENJOYING IT and I love it sm

Hehe I am glad to know you haven't gone hungry today (^o^) and such high ratings for the banker and loverboy

[kylosgenesis]

Teardrops on fire

Synopsis:

Steve Rogers is the last Alpha of the an almost extinct Lycan pack. With only less than 100 members left. Steve must produce an heir to ensure the species survival and reduce the chance of attacks from others. Omegas are rare, and betas have a hard time producing children. Steves reality is finally setting in as his obligation of producing an heir faces a major set back.

Reader is the last suitable omega to mate with Steve, due to the fear of her daughters fate in the pack, her mother kept her hidden from the pack after her own exile. Only her mother, and Bucky's family know of her existence. Bucky is Steve's right hand man, and the packs best warrior! He and the reader developed a friendship and bond over the years, but age forced them to become distant.

What happens when she presents and her first heat cycle comes? Her body is in excruciating pain and a strong fever quickly overcomes her body. Facing the fear of her daughters possible death, her mom calls on the only person who can save her at this point, Alpha Steve! Bucky and the alphas friendship will be tested. The reader will be faced with her love for Bucky or her duty to the pack.

Warnings: Mentions of death , A/B/O dynamics

Chapter 3: Leave a light on

Bucky and Steve packed a suitcase of supplies, they both knew it was a race against time at this point. Her body would become weak without the pheromones of an alpha, her changing hormones wouldn't be able to adapt for her body's transition into her designation. Her own body would become her worst enemy right now, and if they didn't make it in time she could die in a pool of her own slick and sweat as her body struggled to accommodate the change.

That was one of the reasons omegas became so rare! Over the course of thousands of years their bodies began to change.Even with an alpha, sometimes the transition was too much on their bodies! Not many would make it. The omega’s that did were meant to be the strongest women the packs had to offer, their wombs strong , healthy, and ready to accommodate an alpha.

There was an old wives tale that would travel around the packs about a perfect mate, a bond so strong that would turn two souls and bodies into one. Soul that have been meant to be together since the beginning of time, like a puzzle piece waiting for it’s perfect match .Always calling for each other! One way or another prevailing.

People stopped believing in those kinds of stories a long time ago!

“Steve,Is that everything?” Bucky was loading up the bags into the truck. His mother and Katerina had headed back to the cabin, hoping to get a head start and try to explain to her what would be going on. I believe so! We still don't know what we're walking into… Steve furrowed his brow with his hand. His free hand on his lower back. “Hell Buck! I don't even know what i'm supposed to do! Hey I'm Steve, you don't know me but i'm here to take you away from everything you've ever known… also I kinda have to mate with you to save your life.``

“I know it doesn't sound like the best plan! But it's all we can do right now.” Bucky wanted to reassure his friend, tell him it was all going to be alright. Deep down he himself was feeling uneasy. He wanted to crawl out of his skin. Why did their nature have to be like this? He felt like they were not that evolved from animals when it came to heats. She was probably scared, he wanted to reassure his friend that she would be okay with him.

Bucky remembered leaving her all those years ago. It broke his heart! Deep down Bucky didn't even want to see her. He couldn't live with the look of disappointment she'd give him. Or worse what if she wasn't disappointed, what if it was like the years didn't go by between them. How could he handle seeing her gentle eyes, knowing he couldn't return the same look back.

It wasn't even a question anymore! Any dream involving her he's had for the past ten years had to be thrown away! He had to forget her smile, her laugh, her smell! She was never meant to be his and now more than ever he had to put his pack first.

Bucky gave Steve a reassuring smile and motioned to the truck, they were losing daylight and they both had a long night ahead of them. Both lost within their own thoughts!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She felt like she was being torn apart!

Yes, she's had some bad cramps during her cycle, but this pain was different! If felt like she was being completely ripped apart from the inside. She felt weak and both terribly hot and freezing at the same time.

She had this strong feeling to just stay in bed at the back of her mind, but she just couldn't let herself waste away in bed waiting for her mother. Her mom had called winifred after this morning, within the hour they were both gone! They said they'd be back my sundown with some supplies and someone who might help her. As the pain intensified she readied herself to go get some things that could help alleviate her. She remembered her mom taught her this recipe with mint, nuts, and berries, back when she had first gotten her period; many years ago. Sometimes when she was out fishing or hunting and she felt her body start to feel strange, she'd look for those, and boil some water for a tea. It provided instant relief for her, and she'd go back to her day like nothing happened.

Gathering the strength and courage; she walked out of the comfort of her cabin for a quick trip to get those three things. If only she could just have that tea ready, it would make the time waiting for her mom to get back bearable.She knew the woods like the back of her hand, she'd done it countless times where she knew where everything would be.

As she trekked further and further into the woods! She remembered she'd spotted a new mint bush a few days ago, with the old one in the opposite direction she decided to just to just go with her memory and find that one.

Even though she knew these woods by heart, her pounding head and aching body made it a struggle for her focus long enough to orient herself.

She stopped to catch her breath and suddenly felt aware of the heat taking over her body. In the distance, the sounds of the running current of the creek, screamed for her to just get in to find some relief. All she wanted was just to dip her feet in and feel the water run beneath her feet.

The icy water prickled through her skin and it showed her more than the heat did, eventually her body and mind relaxed and she just closed her eyes for what felt like two seconds.

Suddenly the floor beneath was overtaken by a current, she was too weak to swim or fight .So she just let the current run its course; dragging along her weakened body.

In just an instant! She was harshly dragged away from the little bit of forest she knew!

She woke up hours later in the darkness!

The current had dumped her near the bank.

She could tell it was still territory, but it was all unknown and new to her. She definitely did not have the strength to follow the stream, so with what little strength she had, she started a fire! She laid down next to it hoping that morning would come soon, and give her the strength she needed to return home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they exited the car they could smell her, but it was lingering and faded. Bucky’s senses were on fire! That smell drove him insane. It awoke every muscle in his being, he’s partially glad that it wasn’t fully her, just the lingering trace of her scent.

He couldn’t do that to Steve. He had to mask his face, pretend she didn’t smell like air after you’ve been holding your breath for ten years.

“Where is she ?” Steve was worried, not only was this his omega, but she was a part of his pack now. His Alpha nature led him to worry about her, even if he didn't fully know her or understood her yet.

All Steve knew is that he felt drawn to her! He needed to protect her and care for her! Seeing the small cabin was like a punch to his gut! He couldn't believe that there were people in his pack living like this.

The roof needed work, the inside was just enough to be considered cozy, but not comfortable!. It was all patched together! He understood that it was the best that they could do with the circumstances, but his heart was swelling with pride at the idea of bringing his omega to his home. For her to finally know comfort, and not want for anything, he'd take better care of her than his own self. Her smell told him everything he needed to know about her, it was like she was made for him, and he was made for her,

Steve looked to Katerina and back to Bucky.

He couldn't understand how this place had been here for such a long time without him knowing about it, Steve remembered his dad's cruel nature. It wasn't beneath him to cast out a pregnant woman to fend for herself, but why hasn't she tried coming back once his father had died. Steve would have let them back! He knew why she was scared and distrustful of him. He probably reminded her of the person who took her life from her.

As the sky grew darker it became impeccably evident that something had gone terribly wrong. Bucky knew it! He had a bad feeling sinking at the pit of his stomach. No experienced hunter, like herself would be out past sundown. The woods become too dangerous and unforgiving even to experienced people.

Bucky taught her to know the woods. She could track.! If she’s out there she’s probably injured and in a bad situation. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“ Clint, Nat, you guys will take the northern side of the river, there's a lot of territory there so I trust you guys will be okay as a team!,” Steve was guiding them to a spot marked on the map, he drew a circle through the section with with finger the over caressing his chin in thought.

“Tony, you will cover the west end on the river… over by this side” Bucky said over Steves planning and was pointing Tony to his designated research area.

Bucky and Steve had gone into a full missing persons mission. They had mapped out the territory and had called the strongest members of the pack. Most of them were a part of the packs defense team. They were all loyal to Steve and led by Bucky as the commander of the pack's small army.

Bucky’ s mind was not at the best place! He was slowly becoming more feral with desperation. “What if an outsider smelled her and crossed territories?” The thought was just too dangerous to entertain and Bucky kept going!

After hours of searching, the search party grew cold, hungry, and tired! Steve was called off the search party as the weather grew harsher, he was worried about his pack. They had families to tend to, and needed rest.

Steve was going in by himself, and Bucky wasn’t about to let his best friend do it alone. Going in just by themselves would be a risk, but they both knew how strong they had to be! They could rest later! She was all that mattered right now!

He wouldn’t stop searching till he had turned every rock on the territory! Every little corner if this damn reserve would be searched! He would find his ... Steve’s mega.

Bucky was the best tracker in his pack and even neighboring packs. If anyone needed anybody or anything found, Bucky was the best in the business. He was strong, determined, and could be ruthless with deserters who would try to run away from the pack after stealing or injuring a member!. Nobody had made it past the territory without Bucky catching them first.

They called him the Winter Soldier! While others found the harsh temperatures, and unforgiving terrain hard to navigate and specially survive; Bucky seemed to read the wind and knew how to use the weather to his advantage. He was the best there was.

If he could not find her he might as well never find anybody else in his entire life. He count fail her. He needed her!...She needed him!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her whole body ached!

She couldn’t get up from this one. She knew she’d only survive a few hours, maybe a day or two without food, and in this weather. She just placed herself inside a hollow trunk, and cradled her body to preserve as much heat as possible. She was thankful that the fever was a bit of a heat source, but cursed at the cold chills it gave her. Soon her body relaxed and she wondered what death would feel like.

She thought of her life.

Her mom.

It hurt so much when she thought of him! As she thought of him, her heart was agonizing in longing, but her body was slowly responding. Her fever had subsided, and she tried stepping out of the trunk. She stumbled and lost her footing, but just as she was about to collapse near the now extinguished fire, she felt a pair of strong arms break her fall.

She thought she was probably dead now!

Looking at her, where the most piercing blue eyes she’d ever seen! His hair now at his shoulders, and a beard forming around his face. He looked different than her mind had imagined him all these years. She allowed herself to relax in his arms, and her eyes filled with tears as she passed out; surrounded by his smell , and waiting for this delusion to be over.

They said death had a way of making people feel comfort, and happiness before the light at the end. But this seemed so real! she wasn't scared of dying anymore, she was scared he wouldn't be there if she woke up again.

Tags: @austynparksandpizza @connie326 @nerdgirljen @exposition-belongs-somewhere

[sweetandsourstalker]

An inexplicable shiver passes through him at the look on Yen's face. It's cold and unfamiliar to match their words, and he gets the sense that they're not just fucking with him. Teasing and little pranks here and there are normal for them, and he's come to love that, but this… they wouldn't take it this far, right? But Peter's in denial. There aren't many other possibilities here, and the one jumping out in his head right now, he doesn't even want to acknowledge. Please, no. Please don't do this to us. "It's… it's Sweetheart, darling. We're-" He pauses, sifting through the tidal wave of emotion to find the words scattered somewhere inside of it. Despite his best efforts, he's getting choked up and speaking in stuttered sentences. The tears haven't started flowing yet, but they're threatening to. In his head, he's praying that this is some fucked up joke and seeing him in distress will get them to cut it out. "I'm your boyfriend, and you call me Sweetheart, and-" His eyes widen as he realizes he has a piece of evidence with him. "And- and you made me this!" He holds up his right arm to show them the tracker on his wrist. When he glances at it himself, his stomach drops. Gone. There's no way he lost it. He doesn't even take it off to sleep. The only time it comes off is to shower, and it's always back on immediately afterwards. He makes sure to tighten it enough that there's no way it would just slip off. His arm lowers slowly as the reality he's facing sinks in. Not only do they remember nothing, but now he looks like a fucking lunatic for their first meeting to boot. "Sorry, I… I must be confused." He lies, legs feeling so weak he can barely hold himself upright. There has to be a way to salvage this. There has to. Whatever needs to be done, he'll figure this out. "I get, um… these really vivid dreams sometimes. Please excuse my outburst. Can I make it up to you sometime…?" God, there's no way they'll accept after that, is there? I fucking blew it. I spoke before thinking, and now everything is fucking ruined, and they're going to think I'm a total creep and tell me to fuck right off. They're never going to trust me again like they did before. Everything we had is gone and it's too late to ever get it back and it's all my fucking fault. Peter's looking anywhere but their face, trembling with the effort not to burst into tears on the spot. He can't stand the thought of how they must be looking at him. This couldn't possibly be worse.

Alright, this was getting weirder and weirder. The person who knew their name, and occupation, and possibly their address was claiming to be their boyfriend? That set off some warning bells loud and clear in the back of Yen's mind. And he--Sweetheart? No, they couldn't call him that, such a term of endearment would be too awkward to use on a total stranger--had appeared to be about to give them some sort of evidence that then didn't exist. If it weren't for one thing they would have thought he was insane. Maybe a stalker. Or at least delusional.

But he looked so damn sincere. More than that, he looked sad.

Heartbroken.

Something inside Yen's stomach twisted up. Seeing someone upset, regardless of the circumstances, didn't sit right with them. Someone upset might do something bad, or make a scene, and while he didn't appear to be dangerous at this second that didn't mean he wouldn't be if he was angered or hurt any further. And they didn't want to hurt or be hurt by anyone, even a complete stranger.

Sliding their buggy as hell phone into the front pocket of their hoodie, Yen pushed themselves up from the bench and took a step towards "Sweetheart", they brows furrowed and a small, mostly genuinely worried frown pouting their lips. "Hey...don't worry about it. I mean. I don't know how you know my name or the rest of that, but...it's fine! I'm not freaked out." Lie. But they were lying about their outburst being because of a dream--obviously--so Yen didn't feel too bad about that one. They reached a hand out towards him, like an offer to shake his own. "Why don't we, uh, start over? Or something like that? I'm Yen. It's nice to meet you?"

Before anything else could happen, they felt their phone vibrate and let out a familiar ping, and withdrew their hand an inch in surprise. Ah, crap, that was TK's sound. Without completely pulling away they reached into their pocket with their other hand and checked the screen. To their relief it wasn't their superior asking if they could come in. But to their mild irritation, it was something somewhat worse.

Asking me out on my day off...I give you points for boldness, TK, but still...

"Err, hang on," they muttered, their eyes narrowing a little as they took their hand away, "I have to...casually reject someone. Sorry." What excellent timing on TK's part as well. Their thumbs quickly typed out a response before they pocketed their phone and returned their attention to..."Sweetheart", a real, sheepish smile on their face.

"Sorry. Um. Trying that again. Again-again. Without interruptions." This was so fucking awkward, but at the same time, Yen found that a little funny. Not this guy's pain but the awful way they were handling it was bitterly amusing. One thing had stuck on them, though, and their head tilted slightly, smile becoming a splinter warmer than before. "And...well, what would be your idea of 'making it up to me'?"

This was all very weird. But it was something.

[cherry-gemz]

The City by The Bay: Part IV

Summary: Fates push you and a handsome and known stranger into each other's paths. His chivalry and good looks make you take a leap into his world and more.

Catch up HERE

Pairing: Keanu Reeves x Y/N (F!Reader)

Word Count: 4k

Rating: Mature, N*FW, 18+ only please, TW Motorcycle accident

A/N: Was thirsty AF and ended up smutting this fic up 😂. We take a turn that I was not expecting...

A/N2: Excerpts from an interview are in bold, taken from here: https://www.keanu-reeves.net/post/162864242206/abdominal-scar-keanu-reeves-first-big-spill-came

Who might be interested: @whiskeyslullabye ​ @marissat1998 @aestheticallywinchester ​ @fookingbetch

************

It all happened so fast. The rain felt like pellets on your back and the wind sprayed the droplets onto your face, making the strand of your hair stick to your forehead. You had to close your eyes for just a second and that's when Keanu swerved out of the way as a black BMW ran the stop sign ahead. He maneuvered the bike as best as he could. With all his years of training, he was the best probability if ever you were to be in an accident. 

But as he jerked to the right, the slickness of the pavement made the grip of the tires useless and he lost control. 

"Keanu!" You yelled and held tight to his waist and buried your face in his jacket.

"Hold on!" He shouted back and slowed down as best he could. He released his grip and instead grabbed you into a tuck and roll. He grasped you in his possession and shielded you from the fall. 

You felt the impact to the ground instantaneously and prayed that the pain that seared through the impact would be temporary. You heard him grunt loudly as he took the majority of the fall for you. The scrap of metal reverberated in your eardrums and you grimaced at the thought of damaging his beloved motorcycle. The rain pounded harder onto your laying bodies on the street. You could hear cars whizz by and the splash from their tires against the curb. You were frightened, out of your element. But also reassured from his protection. He had given up the bike in efforts to make sure you were safe. You felt a sense of relief that he cared like that, but then also remorse as you were worried about his favorite motorcycle. 

He groaned as he held you tight, "Y/N? Are you okay?"

His voice shaken as you nod and sniff, the helmet heavy on your pounding head. He let out a sigh of relief. 

"What about you?" 

He nods, "Yeah...I'm alright." He groaned again and you could tell he was saving face. 

The two of you lay there for a few seconds and you hear people slowly approaching. 

"Omigosh, are you guys okay?" A stranger asks.

"That guy came out of nowhere!" Another pipes up. Keanu says you are and the tinnitus hits for a second and you're unable to hear what is going on. 

***

The garage door’s rollers rumbled as it closed and you both walked into the house, sheltering yourself from the downpour.

Keanu peels his leather jacket and places it in the foyer as well as his boots. You slip your shoes off and place your purse on a chair and slip off your jacket, laying it next to his. 

"This day is just out of this world," he says and shakes off the excess rain from his hair. He groaned as there's a stiffness to his shoulder blade. He massages it with his hand and tries to loosen the muscle unsuccessfully. 

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital? I'd feel a lot better. They could take a look at your shoulder and check for any internal bleeding…"

He shakes his head no, "It's okay, Y/N. I've been in far worse accidents in my lifetime. I'm just glad you're okay...I don't know what I'd do had you gotten hurt."

You smile slightly at his endearment, but feel guilty still. 

"And the bike, it's not too much damage?"

"Nah, just a little buffering out here and there," he replies as he holds his shoulder with his opposing hand. 

“Let me start a fire and give you some extra clothes. By this time tonight you’ll have gone through my whole wardrobe,” he jokes as you snicker. 

He gazes at you momentarily and you shiver slightly, springing him back to reality. “Be back.”

You nod and peer down the hallway admiring some architecture photographs of the house. 

You’re reminded this isn’t his actual house, that he’s most likely renting it while on his project, but you’re still enamored. You're still in his presence. No one will believe your serendipitous encounter with the movie star. It all feels like a dream anyway. You rub your forearm and try to gain some heat, but your jeans are soaked and it’s difficult to move around.

“Keanu?” you call out down the hall.

“Yeah?” he shouts back.

“Sorry, I’m just freezing…” you cringe and you feel like you’re being a nuisance.

He appears around the corner, changed into black sweats. He's kept his white t-shirt on from earlier and even though he's in a casual form, it's intimate. 

"Here, I found some extra sweats," he says and hands you a pair of grey pants. "Do you need a sweater?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty chilled," you reply as you accept the pants. "I'm just gonna go change, that okay?"

"Sure, by all means. I'll be in the living room with that sweater," he says and you turn around to go change your clothes.

*

A short while later you walk down the hall in his oversized sweats, still wearing his black shirt from before as well and you bite your lip from beyond belief that you're spending the whole day with him. 

You hear the crackle of the fireplace as you enter the open spaced living room. He's sitting on the leather couch facing the fire with a glass of red wine in hand.

He turns his attention to you as you enter, "Hey." He gets up slowly as you can tell he's in a bit of pain and hands you a black ARCH hoodie and a glass of red wine. 

"Thank you," you flirt as you pull the hoodie over your senses and are enlightened with the hint of his cologne: woodsy, warm, and ephemeral. You could die right there and be in bliss.

"Not too early for wine, is it?" He asks genuinely. 

"No, definitely not," you smile and bring the glass to your lips and take a sip. 

"Good, I think we deserve it from what we've been through."

"Thanks for this...and the fire. It's all very inviting."

"Of course. I'd be beside myself if you caught a chill on my account."

You nod and he ushers you to the couch, placing his hand gently on the small of your back.

"My sweatshirt looks good on you," he says and you notice some blood on the back of his shoulder blade. 

"Oh no, Keanu…" you say and place the wine glass on the end table. 

He takes a sip and looks back to you, "Yeah?"

"There's...there's blood on your shirt. You hurt yourself from the fall."

"Really? I didn't feel anything," he peers over and tries to take a look. 

"Do you have a first aid kit?"

"I think there is one in the kitchen…" he slowly gets up and you grab his forearm. 

"No, let me. You have given me enough hospitality to last a lifetime. It's the least I can do. Drink your wine and relax."

He grins and relents as you head to the kitchen. You rummage around and finally find a kit underneath the sink. 

"Alright, now are you going to be a good patient?" You say and cock your brow. 

"No promises," he laughs and shakes his index finger at you. 

You sit next to him on the leather couch, "Alright, let's see the damage."

He peels his shirt off from the collar as all men do, least they are aware of how sexy the act is. You try not to hitch a breath, but your eyes wander as the peep of his ab muscles are exposed and his shoulders are defined and hard. 

You see the cuts from his shoulder and open the kit for an antiseptic. 

"What's the verdict, doc?" He asks as he holds his crumpled shirt in his hand and drinks his wine with the other.

"You'll live," you kid as you grab a cotton ball and apply the antiseptic to it and lightly dab it on his cuts. 

He flinched slightly, but refrained from making any movements. 

"So tell me about your other accidents," you ask as you continue first aid.

"Hmm, well once as I was going through the canyon, I lost control and got this," he points to a thick scar rising vertically up his stomach.

You frown and continue to gently cleanse away the blood from his back. 

"That was in LA?"

"Yeah, I call it a demon ride. That’s when things are going badly. But there’s other times when you go fast, or too fast, out of exhilaration.” 

"Were you speeding? I heard that canyon has insane blind spots," you ask and add an ointment to his cuts.

"Heh, you could say so. The turn I hit was unexpected. I remember saying in my head, ‘I’m going to die.’"

"Shit, Keanu…"

He shakes his head,“I remember calling out for help. And someone answering out of the darkness, and then the flashing lights of an ambulance coming down. This was after a truck ran over my helmet. I took it off because I couldn’t breathe, and a truck came down. I got out of the way, and it ran over my helmet.”

"So why do you still ride?" You laugh. "That would have scared me for life."

"Well, it taught me something. Something not to do, y'know? Something that taught me how to react with what happened today? Today I leaned into the turn when the car came out and released the break. If I hadn't had that experience in the canyon, I wouldn't be the rider I am today."

"Well I'm glad you're okay...from that ride...from any ride you have trouble with."

"Thanks...I'm glad, too. While I probably have some wild rides left in me, I wouldn't ever want to place you in danger."

You both are still and quiet from his words. The fire continued to crackle and you looked through the kit for gauze and tape. 

You cough into your fist and are slightly embarrassed that he would say something so sweet as that to you. You hardly knew each other, but he had a sense of genuine care and kindness towards you. Your feelings for him grew, he obviously was very handsome and kind. But he had a sense of an old soul in him that you wanted to get to know further. You hoped in your heart that this wouldn't be the last time seeing him.

"I find your presence extremely comforting, if I can say so," he turns his head to you.

"Yeah?" 

You ask as you place the gauze over his injury and seal it with surgical tape. Your fingertips lightly graze the outer parts of the tape where it meets his skin and you savor the moment. "All done here."

"Thank you," he smiles and reaches for your hand. 

"I know we just met, but you're so easy to talk to Y/N. I know I have a persona that people see being a celebrity and all, but while that is a side of me, there are also other sides. And I'm not afraid to show them to you."

As he leaned in and turned his torso, it caught your breath. The first aid kit wobbled in your lap as you sat on your knees. 

"What I want to say is that, I like you...I think you're very beautiful and incredibly sexy…"

"Keanu…" you whisper as he continues closer to you. 

"Y/N...I'd like...I'd like to kiss you..." he turned his neck and looked into your eyes and then at your lips. He was so subtle in his movements, a gentleman. You nod, without having the ability to speak at the moment, and close your eyes as he places his lips onto yours. 

There is heat surging through your body; jolts of excitement and wonder encompass your surroundings. He cups your face with his large hand and you instantly melt. He tastes of wine and rain: two of your now favorite things. The unexpected feelings engulf your inner core and you want more. He invites your tongue and opens his mouth slightly, changing the sweet kiss with more intensity. Both of his hands cup your face now and your hand roams down his biceps to his torso. 

"This isn't like a normal thing for me," you say in a heavy breath as your lips separate from his.

"What isn't?"

"Kissing someone I just met…and definitely not this..." you gasp as he kisses the nape of your neck. 

You sit up slightly and the first aid kit tips over and drops to the floor. Unphased, you wrap your legs around him into a straddle on the couch. He's surprised by this move, but doesn't relent and lightly bites your bottom lip. His hands roam from your face down to your neck and you crane it back, giving him ample opportunity to relish the soft, sensitive spot. 

He does so and places his lips on your skin, making you moan his name. 

"I don't normally do this either...but I can't help myself with you," he says. 

His other hand continues down your body and through the thickness of his hoodie, he slinks his way under your clothes and touches your breasts. 

"Uhnnh…" you moan again and he watches your enjoyment from his touch. You quickly peel off his sweater and his shirt, allowing your breasts to be fully exposed to him. Your now slightly dried hair hangs over your shoulder and he brushes it aside, giving it a kiss. You close your eyes and relish the fact that he has his lips on you. Your senses are in overload and you’ve never wanted anyone more. In the moment there is lust and the excitement of pleasure you’re wanting to experience, so you decide you want to move further. 

He trails his kisses and peppers them over your collarbone to your chest, and you hold him right in embrace. You hand lightly grazes the recent bandage and you give it a light kiss. 

"Y/N," he rasps. "Do...do you want me?" He bites your lip and you roll your eyes back for a moment. 

He brings his face back to yours and you reply, "More than you know."

A huge grin escapes his lips and ignites a growl deep within him. 

"Thank God, I want you so badly," he rasps as he holds you tight against his body. 

"Where do you…?" 

He continues to kiss your neck and his hand drifts down to your center. The baggy sweatpants give enough slack as he dives his hand and inserts his fingers. You mew and hold onto him as he tenderly tours your folds. 

"K-Keanu…" 

"You feel so soft…" his ministrations ramp up and he enjoys watching you unfold. His deep, brown eyes locked into yours and you crane your neck back as he hits all the spots and encircles his thumb perfectly over your little nub. 

"Uhhnnn…" 

Your mind starts to spin as you let go any restraint and close your eyes as he pumps his fingers in and out. Things become a blur and a mix of sensation and pleasure intensifies; you grind against his lap and can feel his excitement grow and it only turns you on more.

“I-I’m…” you stutter as you’re close to climax and then he slowly releases his fingers. “Why are you stopping…?”

"Can I taste you?" 

Never in a million years you thought you'd ever hear him say those words. It startles you and you freeze, brushing your hair away from your face to gain composure. He plants more kisses on your chest and cups a breast in his hand. 

"Let me taste you, Y/N. I want to taste you…" he whispers and begs. The heat between you two is almost unbearable. He's ignited something within your core and you want him, you need to give into your desires or you might explode. Wild, breathless kisses are exchanged and provide ample savour.

“Yes, please,” you ask and you unhook your legs as he gently lays you back on the couch. He kisses your taught stomach and runs his large hands over your hips until he finds what he is looking for. He hooks your thigh over his good shoulder and buries his face between your legs. You buck your hips from the intense sensation of his tongue and scream out his name as the rain and thunder roll outside. 

*

After what feels like an outer body experience, you are able to finally breathe and lay on the couch in disbelief. 

He smiles with a cocky grin and gets up to clean his face. You rub your eyes and stretch your toes. It had been awhile, well maybe never to have experienced that sense of euphoria. He was attentive in all the right places and relished at the fact that he loved the taste of you. You discreetly blush and reach for the throw blanket to cover up. 

As you sit up, he returns with the bottle of wine and tops your glass off. 

“Thank you,” you say and make eye contact. “And thank you…”

He chuckles and kisses you tenderly on the lips. 

“I should be thanking you, I very much enjoyed it, too.”

“I can thank you in other ways, you know,” you purr and run your fingers through your hair. 

He waggled his eyebrows, “Is that so? I’d like to see in which ways…”

You take a sip of your wine and return it to the end table. As you stand, you let the throw blanket drop and expose your body to him once again. You’re braver now. What you experienced was an intimate moment together and your walls were down. You felt comfortable, sexy, and beautiful. You grab his hand to pull you closer and passionately seal your lips on his. 

He responds and holds your neck with his hand, while the other hand grabs one of your globes. His kiss is fervent and heeding; his lips are insatiable and the tongue explores your mouth. You open your eyes and as does he, with one swift motion you jump into his arms and straddle his waist. He grasps you by your inner thighs and walks down the hall to his bedroom. 

*

He carries you into his room and his kisses become sloppy and wet, it’s a hunger that you can tell burns within him. 

As he lays you on the bed, he trails his lips to your ear lobes and sucks on it and your eyelids flutter. 

“Keanu…” you breathe heavily as you display your sex on his bed. 

He quickly slips his pants and boxers off and you reach for his hard member and stroke it within your fingertips. He’s soft to touch and large in a way that you anticipate pleasure that will come. He grunts in approval and bites your neck softly. 

“Y/N...I want all of you...you’re so beautiful. What do you want, baby?”

You practically orgasm at the sound of him calling you baby and you moan in approval as he delves two digits into your folds. 

“I want you, too, Ke…”

He smiles, “Ke...I like that. I like you...a lot. I want you to scream my name just like that.”

You nod as he pumps harder and tantalizes your clit, sending waves of intensity all over your body. 

“Oh, yes! Ke!”

“Do we need protection, baby?” He asks earnestly and you shake your head no. 

“IUD,” you state in a breath and he nods in approval. 

He releases his fingers and you whimper softly as he slowly rubs his cock along your wet lips. 

“Uhhh, yes…” you moan and he watches the way your silky entrance throbs for him. He rubs his head in and out and you cannot take the heat that is building up inside you. 

“Baby…” you rasp and writhe as he teases you in the most sexy way. He enjoys unraveling you, the thought that he can make you unfold in his hands is his own viewing pleasure. 

He cascades his hand to your hip and then hooks your leg over his shoulder, giving him full access to his prize. He continues to rub his thumb over your clit and then with a few thrusts, inserts himself in you. Your eyes widen as your walls stretch for him; it takes a few seconds to completely allow him to go deep, but he’s given plenty of foreplay and pleasure that you invite all of him to enter you. You arch your back in agreement with his thrusts and you both moan in pleasure. 

“Ke…” his name rolls off your tongue as he picks up his pace and thrusts harder. He leans over you, still holding your leg on his shoulder and kisses your calf tenderly. It’s a beautiful moment and you love how he caresses your leg, all in while thrusting in and out in a rhythmic game. He holds your ankle and continues his kisses until you pull him to you and plant your lips on his. 

“C’mere,” you coo and rake your fingers through his hair. Besides the few grunts you both make while becoming one, the rain hits the window pane and is seared in your memory. 

“I love your breasts,” he says as he watches them playfully bounce with his set pace of thrusts. 

You cock your brow and cup them in your hand, “Do you?” you ask devilishly and massage them as his mouth widens in a state of complete adoration. 

“That’s not fair, let me…” he responds and replaces your hands with his mouth. His thrusts become faster and harder, each time stretches your walls and the euphoria kicks in. 

"Keanu…!" 

You shout and let go all inhibitions as your toes curl in utter bliss. Your walls tighten further and your body shakes as he rides you through, a tidal wave of pleasure surges your body. 

 He holds the small of your back as you arch yourself on the bed and murmurs praises into your shoulder as he comes and releases himself. He crashes his lips onto yours and stays in you as you both recover. He brushes your hair away from your face and looks deep into your eyes and smiles. 

"That was amazing," he grins and slowly pulls out. He collapses next to you and breathes in heavily. "Are...was everything alright?"

You giggle at his concern, "It was far better than alright. It was perfect."

He rolls to his side and props his head with his bicep. You cuddle yourself next to him and wrap his grey duvet around your body. 

"You're pretty perfect," he replies. 

You blush and he trails his finger up and down the side of your arm.

"I was not expecting my day to be so damn fantastic," he laughs. "Who knew running into you would lead to this?"

"Me, too. I can't believe this all happened."

"But you're glad?"

"Of course," you reply and give him a kiss. He holds you close and doesn't let go. You both listen to the sound of the rain for a moment and relish being in each other's arms. You're enjoying how he is so intimate and appreciates a cuddle afterwards. 

He kisses your forehead, "I'm going to go get the wine. Do you want anything?"

"Hmmm...I'm kind of hungry."

"What? You are? We just ate!" He laughs. 

"Well I mean, you made me work up a sweat!"

"Okay, okay," he says and holds up hands. "Let me see what I can muster up. I think there is some imported cheese in the fridge. Maybe some crackers with the wine?"

"That sounds divine," you reply. "But let me."

"What? No, you're my guest."

"I insist, you have an injury," you say and place your hand on his chest, rubbing it in a circular motion. You point your finger to his face, "Stay right here. I have all day and intend to spend it in this bed, mister."

"Whatever the lady desires," he smiles and watches you saunter out of the bed. "Take that shirt if you want," he points to a battered shirt on the chair.

"Don't want me walking naked around your house?"

"There are a lot of windows," he laughs. You not and reach for the shirt.

"Be right back."

"Sounds good."

You give him a kiss and walk out of the room, knowing quite well his eyes are on you as you leave with just his shirt on. You realize your underwear is still in the living room and head over there before the kitchen. As you slip them on, you grab your glass of wine and sip it in a felicitous manner. 

You daintily skip over to the kitchen as you recall the past hour and you are cheeky and find yourself blushing. As you open the fridge, you spot the cheese and grab the bag and open it up to sneak a little piece. You hear the front door open and the ring that alerts when it does. You quizzically think to yourself why that occurred and you closed the fridge door to see a woman standing in front of you holding a manila folder. 

Your mouth stuffed with cheese you almost choke. She looks you up and down as you are wearing panties and Keanu’s shirt. 

“Um, who are you?” She demands and places her free hand on her hip. 

​

[in-my-jamiebower-era]

Lights up. Rafe Cameron.

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: You’re John B’s sister but secretly dating Rafe Cameron. Sounds like a plan for disaster. Although things might just work out in the end...or not?

Warnings: A few curse words, implied smut, and probably grammatical errors.

Words: 4K+

A/N: I am so sorry it took this long to post. I had to deal with some personal things. So this song is basically about being who you are no matter what. Just doing what you love. So I thought it was fitting Y/N be a Pouge while Rafe be a Kook. Anyways, I just want to say once again that all of you are incredibly sweet!! Thank you for all the love and support. Don’t hesitate to message me if you have any constructive feedback or requests. I really love it when I hear from all of you. Also I know times are hard so if any of you need to talk, please message me. I promise I’ll listen. Anyways once again thank you and I hope y’all enjoy your day! Don’t forget to TPWK!!💓

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never coming back down

Can't you see?

I could, but wouldn't stay

Wouldn't put it like that

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never coming around

Be so sweet if things just stayed the same

Being a John B’s twin sister definitely came with some perks. Everyone knew not to mess with you or else he would beat their ass. It was like you were untouchable. It was a great feeling. Although growing up a Pouge is great, it still has its not so great moments. Sometimes not know where your next meal is going to come from. Better yet, not having hot water. Sometimes not having water at all. Although one day your life got flipped all the way upside down.

You didn’t expect it to happen, it just did. One minute you were at the chateau than the next you were in bed with Rafe Cameron. You always had a little crush on Rafe but you had to keep that deep down inside and locked away. Until that one crazy, insane, amazing, and almost too got to be true night?

You were drunk as shit, wondering the beach all alone. Just to come across a drunk as shit Rafe Cameron. “Oh God,” you thought. Although when you got a closer look at him, he was beaten and bruised. You secretly brought him back to the Chateau to get him cleaned up. Then came the kiss, then they sneaking over, then the sex, then the “I love yous.” Time really flew during the last year you’d been macking on Rafe Cameron. You enjoyed it though.

It was currently 3 AM in the morning and you were sitting cross-legged on Rafe's bed watching the news because nothing was on. Suddenly you heard the bathroom door creak open, which cause you to jump lightly. The next thing you saw was Rafe Cameron with his towel on his hips, hair still wet and messy. God the sinful things you were thinking of at the moment.

“Hey Y/N, you okay?” Not trusting your voice you just shook your head up and down. He had no idea the effect he was having in you at the moment. Your sex life was not it’s best right now, seeing as though Rafe was always trying to please his dad. Also that no one technically knew about you and Rafe. He promised he would make time for you but it was hard. So you decided to savor the little moments.

He turned around to get some clothes out of his drawer and you trailed your eyes up and down his body. His body was amazing. It’s like he could sense you because he turned around and saw you staring.

“Alright now I know something is up with you Y/N, so it’s better you tell me because I don’t want to force it out of you.” You really didn’t want to tell him that you needed a good fuck. You just really wanted to be intimate with him and show him you loved him. You had been feeling empty inside for the last week and you needed him. So you made the choice to say “Rafe, do you still love me?”

He was still in front of you but he grabbed your ankles and pulled you to the end of the bed. He leaned down with just his towel on. You had a clear view of his glistening chest. He put his hands on your thighs and looks you in the eyes. In a deep voice, he said “of course I do baby girl, did I do something to make you doubt that?”

You signed then you looked down but he grabbed your jaw and said “answer the question.” You knew he knew what you wanted. This is why he got dominant all of a sudden. So you decided to play into his game. So you gave him a sad face and said “it’s just that we haven’t spent any intimate time together in a while and I miss your touch.” You ran a hand over his stomach up to his shoulders. Then you lent over and whispered in his ear “I want to feel you.”

He slowly leaned in and attached his lips to yours. He straddled your hips and pushed you back onto the bed losing his towel. You whimpered at the sight of his semi-hard cock. “You want that baby girl?” He rasped. You nodded your head and he quickly disposed of your shirt and shorts.

He took a look at you and stared for a while, making you very insecure. He hadn’t seen you like this in a while so maybe he didn’t like it? His voice went deep and said, “Don’t cover your beautiful body.” He always hated it when you were insecure about yourself, so he always reminded you of how pretty you were. You were ripped from your thoughts when he kissed behind your ear and whispered: “tonight I’m not just going to fuck you, I’m going to make love to you.” That alone made you moan.

He was clearly turned on, seeing as though he hadn’t had you like this in weeks. He all of the sudden pushed into you slowly, in and out. Whispering sweet nothings in your ear. You moaned “Baby I’m close” he gave you the cockiest smile. You kissed your neck leaving apparent red marks. You both were a moaning mess as your highs hit. You both lay there panting for a while.

He went to the bathroom and got a washcloth and cleaned you up and made sure to be sensitive around your entrance. You found one of Rafe’s shirts and you out in your shorts. He was sprawled out on the bed motioning for you to come to lay down with him. You layed your head on his chest while he played with your hair. He rasped “I love you, baby, I’m sorry I don’t spend enough time taking care of you. I promise I’ll be better because you mean the world to me.”

You smiled up at him and gave me a kiss on the nose “I love you too Rafe.” Then you both drifted asleep with the news still playing in the background.

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Runnin' through my heart

Lights up and they know who you are

Know who you are

Do you know who you are?

You were suddenly awoken by the sound of Rafe's door being slammed open, Sarah came running in. Sarah was incredibly sweet and kind. She told the Pouges that you stayed at her house with her. When in reality you only stayed over most nights because of Rafe. You basically lived with them. Ward really didn’t care because since Rafe was with you, he had changed for the better.

You heard Rafe holler from beside you “Sarah get the fuck out of my room and leave us alone.” You smacked Rafe but in return, he only pulled you closer. Sarah unexpectedly screamed, “Your brother and the rest of the Pogues are almost here.” That was enough for you to bolt to Rafes' closet. You kept all your clothes there. You heard a loud knock from the door downstairs and froze.

Sarah whisper shouted “both of you get dressed, I’ll stall them. You quickly put on your high waisted shorts and an orange crop top, with some white converses. You ran Rafe's brush through your hair and decided you looked presentable enough. You kissed him on the cheek and told him to wait a while before he came down.

You ran down the stairs and saw all your friends, their faces immediately lit up. John B engulfed you in a hug. “Woahhhh Booker, you’re going to kill me. Have you been working out?” He laughed and playfully elbowed you. As he was pulling away he noticed your neck, purple bruises, curtesy of Rafe Cameron.

“Y/N. What the hell are these?” You felt your stomach churn. Oh God, you are done for. Then all of your friends were looking at you, JJ was seething. He was always really protective of you. You confidently tried to say “I know it looks bad but I have an explanation.” Kie glared at you and said, “who was it?” Sarah could sense something was about to go wrong so she said “It was me!”

Everyone looked at her in shock and so did you. Sarah happily said, “I was trying to teach her and yeah that’s what happened.” No one bought that story what so ever. As if matters couldn’t get worse Rafe Cameron strutted down the stairs.

Your eyes followed him and so did everyone else’s. Pope leaped up and rushed over to examine Rafe's neck. Then Pope shouted, “He’s got them too.” Everyone in the entire room started to see red. You didn’t know what to do. Was this really happening? No more hiding. John B hollered “Are you macking Rafe Fucking Cameron.” Everyone was staring at you, even Rafe. Okay, here it goes.

“Listen before I say anything I need you all to sit down.” With help from Sarah, you got all the Pouges to sit down. You were standing with Rafe behind you. “Yes, I’ve been dating Rafe for about a year.” The whole room erupted into chaos. There were screaming and hollering. All you wanted to do was disappear. You turned around and Rafe saw a few tears fall from your eyes. He hated this for you. He held you close as everyone watched. He kissed your forehead and said, “come on baby it’s going to be fine.”

You wiped away your tears and said “I love him.” You glared at everyone. John B stood up and said, “Dad would be so disappointed in you.” Rafe felt you tense up and he knew what was coming. He wouldn’t get in the way because you needed this.

You were the one seeing red now. “John booker Routledge. Don’t you dare tell me what my father would think of this situation. Dad would be happy for me. He would be jumping off the walls knowing that I’m happy. The truth is you’re scared of me growing up and you still see me as a little girl. You think the entire world revolves around you, well guess what it doesn’t. Also guess what John B, DAD IS DEAD AND HE'S NOT COMING BACK. Get over yourself, I accepted and moved on. It’s your turn.” You didn’t mean to be that harsh but it definitely came out that way.

Everyone looked at you with shocked expressions, even Rafe had no idea what to say. It was an unsaid rule that no one mentioned your dad around John B. That was the first time someone had confronted him about it. John B looked at you with pain in his eyes and said “Don’t bother coming home. As for your boy toy, I hope that he gets a couple of good fucks out of you then runs away.” Now it was Rafe's turn to see red “what the fuck did you just say?” He seethed. You pushed his chest back, telling him to just leave it alone. With that all of the Pogues left, leaving you and Rafe.

You broke down into sobs and curled into his touch. After a while, he willed your tears and said “I know baby, I know. He just doesn’t understand. I love you so much. I promise I’m not here just for a couple of good fucks.” You sheepishly said, “I love you too and I’m sorry for this happening.”

He looked you in the eyes and said “Do not be sorry for your brother's actions. Now come one let’s go back to bed.” So you both played in bed all day just enjoying each other’s warmth.

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

Shine, I'm not ever going back

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

Shine, I'm not ever going back

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

Shine, I'm not ever

You woke up once again feeling like shit. It had been exactly a week and 3 days since your fight with John B. It never got easier through the days, every word said replaying in your mind. At least you got to wake up to the man you loved every morning. This morning you woke up with Rafe watching you. He seemed all too excited to be waking up at 7 AM on a Saturday. You groaned at how happy he looked.

“Y/N, I have an idea.” Oh, great an idea from Rafe Cameron was never good. You muttered an “mhm” which meant keep going. “So there’s a movie night on the beach tonight and I was really hoping you and I could go. We could go to the beach, have a picnic, then go to the movie thing. We could make a whole day out of it. Please?” He looked at you with his bright blue eyes. How could you say no to that? Seriously how?

“Fine. But only because I love you and you’re adorable.” He tackled you in kisses and hugs. “Oh my God Rafe please do not suffocate me.” He practically pulled you out of bed and forced you into the shower. You did your hair and decided on wearing a flowy summer dress and sandals over your red bikini. When you walked out of the bathroom his jaw nearly hit the floor. That was the first time you had actually got dressed in a week.

“Y/N. Baby, you look amazing.” You smiled, you honestly felt amazing. He layed kisses all over your face again. “Come on Rafe, don’t make me change my mind!”

Rafe drove the newest model of a jeep, which you absolutely adored. He held your hand the whole way to the beach and he occasionally kissed it. Every time you felt a little blush creep to your cheeks. It was amazing that he still had that effect on you, he thought.

When you guys first got there you decided to read “Pride and Prejudice.” You loved reading, it was your favorite thing to do (besides Rafe.) Rafe really was happy that you were enjoying yourself but he decided it was time for you to get in the water with him. He didn’t want you to overheat after all. “Come on Y/N, it’s time we got in the water, yeah?” You knew he would not give up. It was better to go then let him pester you for the next hour.

So you stood up and pulled your dress off in one quick motion. You looked at Rafe through your sunglasses and saw he was staring. “Well, are you coming or not? Because if you want to keep staring at me, I’m going back to reading.”

He jumped up and walked towards you mischievously. You could see that sly smile playing in his lips. That stupid, beautiful, amazing, and cocky smile. You were ripped from your thoughts when you were being thrown over Rafe's shoulder. “Rafe! Put me down, I can walk by myself.” You screamed.

“Oh Y/N, not after that smart comment you made.” He was about waist-deep in the water when he flung you back in the water. When you hit the water it was cold but it felt nice. It was good you were finally enjoying yourself. When you emerged from the water Rafe was laughing at your soaking state. “Haha. Very funny.” You stated.

When you both decided it was time for lunch, you watched Rafe get out of the water. His hair was wet and messily styled. He was dripping water and his swim trunks were fitted perfectly. He whispered in your ear “now who’s staring?” You took your book and whacked him with it. “Ouch,” he exclaimed in an overdramatic way.

You both sat down and ate the ham sandwiches Rafe had packed. They were actually not half bad. He had packed a few bears but you guys shared one, you always like it that way.

After a few hours of swimming, sleeping, reading, eating, listening to music, and other stuff, you decided it was time to pack up. The movie was going to start in a little bit and you guys had to go to the other side of the beach. When you both got to the car, you changed into underwear and out your sundress on. Rafe changed his shorts quickly and put on a polo shirt. Rafe started to drive and when you looked in the car mirror your mouth opened wide.

“Rafe Cameron! Why didn’t you tell me I had mascara all over my face.” You quickly wiped it away. He giggled and said, “you looked beautiful either way.” You gave him a death glare.

You guys arrived and Rafe set out two chairs, a few blankets, two pillows, and his two beers under one of the blankets. “Here you go, princess.” He said. You looked at him and just pulled him in for a quick kiss. “Thank you” You muttered against his lips. He pressed a kiss to your temple and said “You’re welcome baby girl.” You heard Topper holler something about Rafe being “pussy-whipped.” Rafe was focused on the movie, but you turned around and winked at Topper.

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never going back now

Be so sweet if things just stayed the same

That’s when you saw them. The Pogues. They were all there. When did they get there? Rafe could sense your tension. So he turned where you were looking and he saw them too. He whispered in your ear “It’s okay, nothing is going to happen. I have you.” He gave you a reassuring squeeze and you both continued to watch the movie.

When the movie was over you packed up your things up but Rafe said he had to wring it out. You rolled your eyes at his choice of slang. As you were bringing stuff back to the jeep a teenage boy came up to you. He just stood there for a second but then he said: “hey baby girl, you looking for a man?” You cringed at him calling you “baby girl.” Only Rafe could call you that.

You merely just glanced at him and shoved him off. “Oh come on princess don’t be a bitch. I could show you a good time. You would be lucky to have me.” He said. He started to feel you up.

“Get off of me you asshole.” You hollered.

He was grabbing you in places that even Rafe wasn't allowed to do in public. You pushed him off again but all he did was back you against the car. He ran his hand up your side and said “It’s going to be better if you just comply. Let a real man show you how it’s done.” You were about to spit in his face when you felt about 200 pounds pulled off of you.

“Oh, God.” You thought. This was about to be bad. Your boyfriend Rafe was definitely a hothead. He called it being protective of his girl but it was definitely anger issues. The next thing you saw was the boy pinned to a tree by Rafe. The boy was obviously afraid of what was coming next.

Rafe hollered “You have 5 seconds to explain yourself before I break your neck.” Luckily there were only a few people there. You looked around hoping they wouldn’t be there and sure enough they were, looking straight at you.

The guy wheezed back “Dude she has a nice ass on her, I just wanted to hit that.” He let out a little chuckle. This wasn’t going to be good.

Rafe's fist collided with the boy's face over and over and over and over again. He hollered through the punches “Don’t ever disrespect a woman like that ever again. Women deserve to be treated with the respect you would give to a man.” (I find it extremely disappointing that the only way to get a man to back off of me is to tell him I have a boyfriend. They will respect another man before a woman)

You screamed “Rafe! Stop it. He’s had enough, he gets the point.” There was no way you were getting him off. Then you saw someone running over. You thought “Who is that, wait that’s John B! What’s he about to do?”

John B grabbed Rafe and pushed him away. He stood between the boy and Rafe. John B grabbed the boy by his shirt and said “If you ever touch my sister like that again I will not hold him back next time. Now get the fuck out of here before I beat your ass.” The boy just ran off looking as if he’d seen a ghost.

You ran over to Rafe and held him. He looked and you and said, “Are you okay?”

You playfully hit his arm and said “what the fuck do you mean am I okay? You’re the one who just beat the shit out of that guy.” He was about to respond when you heard a voice clear behind you. You were met with 3 pairs of eyes watching you.

John B said shyly “can we talk?”

You laughed dryly. “Why” is all you said.

“I just need to say a few things,” he replied. You nodded telling him to continue. “Okay so first of all I think I can speak for everyone when I say we’re truly sorry. We have treated you like shit for the past week. What you said was completely truthful, I don’t want you to grow up. I remember you as this little girl that I always feel the need to protect. I know that it’s your life and you can make these decisions now. I support what decisions you make. After what I’ve seen Rafe do for you, I understand. I don’t want you to get your heartbroken and from what I can tell he won’t break it. I love you and I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I want my sister and my best friend back.”

You ran over to him and gave him a big hug. “I’m sorry for being harsh about dad.” You replied. You motioned for the rest of the Pogues to join the hug. Kie had a tear running down her cheek and she said “I’m really sorry Y/N. I miss you.” You only cried in response.

Then the unthinkable happened, JJ motioned for Rafe to join the hug. He was hesitant at first but he joined. You all stood like that for a while before JJ said: “okay enough with the circle jerk.” All of you laughed through the tears.

When you all pulled away John B bro hugged Rafe. You were so proud of them both. Pope then said, “anyone want beers at the chateau?” Everyone raised their hands.

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Runnin' through my heart

Lights up and they know who you are

Know who you are

Do you know who you are?

You all got back to the chateau and decided it was time to put all the tension to rest. John B brought out all the beers, of course, you and Rafe shared one. You guys were all laying in the hammocks talking of various things. Then JJ said, “so now that we’re going to be seeing a lot more of him, I need to know his intentions.”

You leaned into Rafe's chest and muttered “oh my God.”

He sarcastically replied “fine I’ll let John B handle this.” You turned and looked at John B, giving him a warning glare. He gave you a smirk then said “As long as you guys don’t fuck on my couch or hammocks I’m fine.” Rafe practically died choking on his beer. All of the Pouges burst out laughing.

“Too late.” You said quietly. Rafe looked at you with wide eyes. He heard you. He ran his hand up and down your back. Then gave you a kiss on the temple.

You couldn’t be happier that the Pogues and your boyfriend were getting along. Everyone deserves love right? It doesn’t matter what kind. Love has no labels. You loved Rafe and he loved you, there was no doubt about it. It worked out in the end. That day John B came over and yelled at you had been the worst. Rafe picked up your missing pieces and put them back together. The principal of the thing is don’t be ashamed to do what you love. When the lights come up, just be who you truly are.

@afterglowsb-tch13 @country-club

@starrystarkey93 @trashmouthpogues

@elegant-daisy @sortagaysortahigh

@girlsru1eboysdroo1 @gimmethejohnd

@obx-direction-sos @lahey-paradise

@drewsephsmiles @annedub @peoples-trash

@drewswannabegirl @snkkat @nina1800

@fangirlfree

[mollyhw14]

Fallen Angel : Tied to the Devil's Daughter (demon au Lee Donghyuk / Haechan ) ♛ CH2♛

Seraphina was beyond livid.

She'd come to the dance studio to let off steam but it felt like the complete opposite. Putting on some music, she decided to let loose and see if dancing would at least loosen her temper a little bit.

Stretching to warm up, she slowly began to let her body flow with the rhythm, eventually flowing into the choreography she'd been practicing for the last week. Flawlessly, she completed every step, finishing with a grande jete and her final pose. Once the music stopped she collapsed to the floor, sweating but feeling more alive from the buzz of the dance. Prying herself from the floor, she heard distant clapping from the door way making her whip her head round fast to see who had interrupted her alone time.

Phina was definitely not impressed to see the boy she had glared at previously before for taking over her time slot.

"Wow princess didn't know you were quite the ballet dancer. I must say, doesn't really fit your temper like but you got some moves." His voice was almost teasing-like and this irritated Seraphina a lot. Getting annoyed by his presence, she scowled at him, waiting for his explanation as to why he was even there. Not getting an answer she took matters into her own hands.

"So you gonna tell me why the fuck you're here or am I gonna have to slap some sense in to you?"

He chuckled at her tone, she sounded pissed and it only amused him.

"Now now, sunshine, that's no way to speak to people is it?" He made sure to drag out the word sunshine just to piss her off even more.

"You call me that again and I'll snap your fucking neck!" She'd moved to grab her phone, getting angrier the more she was in his presence.

"Feisty one aren't you? Princess, as much as I'd love to break your neck too, don't think it would go down to well with the police now would it?" His condescending tone irritated her and she stormed out, barging past his tall ass to find her next class.

"By the way, I came to take over my time slot, not that I didn't mind you staring at me Sunshine," he shouted from behind her.

'Staring? Fucking idiot, he's obviously blind to not see I was trying to burn him with my eyes' she thought to herself as she slowed down once entering her classroom. 

Maths was Seraphina's most hated class. It wasn't because she wasn't good at it, if anything she was top of the class. However, she unfortunately had to share this class with the demons in the year above. Three of them being the dicktrio who thought they ran the school. Their dumbasses had dropped a grade and now she had to have this class with them. Not only that, her teacher was a demon too, favouring them more amongst the humans within the class, no matter how dumb they were. Phina often wondered to herself if there was many more teachers who were also demons, and they just kept to their human form?

Waiting for the teacher to come, she glanced around, trying to not make contact with the black orbs that almost laughed at her from across the room. The demons giggled to themselves, knowing how much humans hated eye contact with them, believing they would die from a single look. However this wasn't the case for Phina, she was introverted, and this was why she hated eye contact. She didn't give one shit if this girl was a demon, she just knew the moment they shared eye contact, she wouldn't hear the end of it.

"How's my favourite person!" Phina heard the angelic voice of her friend, before being engulfed by a pair of arms.

"Cheonie, you're strangling me!" Phina managed to choke out before her best friend finally sat in the seat next to her.

"Can I not be happy to see my best friend? Have you calmed down yet?"

Before Phina could reply, she heard the high pitch voice shout out from the other side of the room.

"Shut up Chansa, you might as well be an Angel you're that fucking annoying!"

Hurt flashed across her friends face and Seraphina saw red. How dare she insult her best friend.

"First of all her name is CHEONSA, get it right bitch! Maybe mind your own fucking god damn business before insulting my friend. At least she has a heart unlike you whores."

She glared straight into the black pits of hell, and everyone around them muted. All shocked that not only had she stuck up to the three dicktrio demons, but also because she actually looked them straight in the eye.

Shock was evident on the demons’ faces, but was gone as quick as it came.

"Did you just call us whores?"

"Yes and what the fuck are you going to do about it?"

"You're dead human bitch-"

Just as the girl was about the pounce at Phina, the door swung open to reveal both the teacher and the person she hated just as much as the dicktrio. Lee Haechan.

"What are you doing Seraphina! Get in your seat right this instant and don't utter a single word for the rest of class." Black orbs glowed from the door way at her, stopping the demon in her tracks.

Seraphina was beyond mad. Not only had she been humiliated by the teacher, but that the demons always got their own way. The smirk on their faces showing everyone who had the higher ground.

"Utter bullshit" she mumbled to herself, Cheonsa gave her a reassuring smile.

"Right class we have a new student joining us, Lee Haechan. Make him feel welcome and please, no funny business. Haechan please take a seat next to Seraphina."

Could Phina's day get any worse? Banging her head on her desk, she heard a low chuckle followed by, "You really are a badass aren't you Sunshine? Going against a demon you're definitely asking for a death wish."

Oh how she wished she was dead.

The bell rang signally the end of the day, and nobody was more exciting to be leaving school that Seraphina. The ringing of the bell actually made her smile for the first time that day, as she skipped down the stairs to go meet her best friend outside.

Finding Cheonsa under the school's apple tree, they linked arms before heading off the their usual cafe down the road.

"Why don't you ask Mark if he wants to join us, you said he's been stressed out with exams recently he'll need a break." Cheonsa looked at her friend for an answer, watching as she frowned at the mention of her brother.

"I know, he really stresses himself out too much, mums had to put a lock on the fridge because he's been stress eating."

Mark was Seraphina's older brother, who never let her forget that he was the older ones. He was doing his finally exams to get himself into college, and the boy literally stressed himself out so much over it, he would lash out at anybody who distracted him.

"Do you think he'll be calm enough to even talk to me on the phone?"

Cheonsa hesitated,

"He should be done with them soon, he'd probably appreciate his sister inviting him out."

With that said, Phina brought the phone to her ear to call her brother, entering the all too familiar cafe.

"Yah what do you want I'm busy Phi!"

Phina closed her eyes at the loudness of his voice, knowing her brother would react this way she sighed.

"Never mind. I was going to ask if you'd like to come hang out with us at the cafe but if you're busy just leave it." She snapped at him down the phone, her temper getting the better of her.

"No wait!" the voice on the other side made her jump. He really needed to stop shouting.

"I'll come, I'm sorry for shouting I need a break these exams are driving me fucking insane." His voice was more softer this time, regretting the way he'd spoke to his sister. After all, she was just trying to be nice.

"I'll see you in 5."

Just as the phone line went dead, Cheonsa was walking over with two cups in her hand.

"You know me to well Cheonsie, a peppermint hot chocolate is always the way to my heart."

They both chuckled and sat in their usual spot, before Phia decided to fill her friend in on the new kid.

"Honestly you should've seen him Cheonsa, he thought he was fucking amazing, interrupting my dance slot-"

"Hello to my favourite sibling!" Her brother practically screamed from across the cafe, interrupting her rant.

"Mark I'm your only sibling."

"I know that but still... anyway I brought Renjun because he was with me when you called." Renjun stuck his head out from behind Mark, waving at the two girls.

"Hey Rejun, how've you been?" Cheonsa beamed up at the blonde, eyes never leaving the male.

"I've been good thank you, just trying to finish my portfolio for art."

Phina almost gagged at the way her friend was making heart eyes at the man. She pulled Mark into the booth they were sat at, earning a glare from her friend at their chosen seating arrangement.

"I like your new hair Renjun, have you dyed it?" Cheonsa's attention was back onto the male, swooning at the way he blushed that she'd noticed his hair.

"Yeah I just fancied a change. Do you think it looks okay-"

He was about the finish his sentence when the sudden buzz of his phone interrupted him. Confused, he put the phone to his ear, quizzing the caller.

"What's wrong? Are they being bad again?- Well I don't know....I can ask wait a sec-"

"Hey Cheonsa is it okay if my friend joins us?"

His eyes were pleading at her to let his friend come, and Phina wondered why he would even be pleading when he knew fair well that Cheonsa would agree to anything he said.

"Of course, anything for you." Cheonsa giggled, causing Phina to fake gag, and earning a chuckle from her brother and death glare from her friend.

After getting off the phone, Renjun announced his friend was round the corner and would go and grab him a drink from the counter, asking if anybody else wanting one too.

As he neared the counter, her friend sighed, love evident on her face.

"He's just so charming isn't he?" She sighed again, looking towards the boy she had a huge crush on.

"Yeh he's alright I guess-"

"Oh hey Sunshine, didn't know I'd be seeing you here."

Phina's eyes nearly popped out their sockets at the high pitched voice she could recognise anywhere.

Why did her day just keep getting worse.

[pluckyredhead]

Director's commentary on It wouldn't be make believe? 🥺 Thanks I love your writing

Aw, thank you! This is a long fic so I’m gonna skim it and bullet some thoughts, let’s see:

Mxyzpills - I’m still so pleased with myself about this one. At the risk of over-explaining the joke, the “ninety-day high” is a reference to how when Superman banishes Mxyzptlk back to his dimension, he can’t return for ninety days. It’s also an insanely long time to be high for, why would anyone take this drug.

“He wasn’t naive—they could simply be sneaking upstairs to paw at each other.“ - I find Damian’s voice fairly easy to write in but this is a good example of where I struggled to find a balance between his very formal, disdainful word choices and not making him sound like a computer. I tried “fornicate” and “have intercourse” (lol) before I landed on “paw at each other,” which leans more on the “Damian is contemptuous of other people’s desires” side of things (as opposed to “Damian has never met another human but has read about them in books”).

The little knit cap on the TP in the frat bathroom makes me laugh so hard. Yes, I know I wrote it. If I can’t laugh at my own jokes, who will?

One of my guiding principles when writing Damian is that he’s really, really smart, but the problem is that he knows it, which means that he assumes that any idea he has is by default going to be intelligent. This allows him to do really stupid things like go undercover at a university attended by his best friend, who has super hearing and X-ray vision, and assume said friend won’t notice he’s there. Bless his heart.

“Please. I would never wear a shirt with this low of a thread count by choice.” - lololol

WAYNE GRAYSON god I’m a riot

I really wanted to convey a sense that Jon is very big and smells very good and has no sense of personal boundaries whatsoever, at least with Damian. Damian uses his body very well as a weapon but is otherwise completely disconnected from it, and Jon’s presence is a very physical one, and Damian has no idea what to do with that.

Love writing me some jealous Damian, especially because neither of them realize that’s what’s happening here. He only wants Jon to be friends with him! For reasons!!!

For some reason, Jon laughed at that. - It was important to me that Jon not come across as stupid in this. He’s puppyish and sweet, but he’s extremely bright and significantly more emotionally intelligent than Damian.

I think the fic is as long as it needs to be but I kind of wish I’d expanded on the idea that Jon is friends with everyone on campus and at least half of them have crushes on him.

Lian absolutely sent Jon the picture of him and Damian on the beach because she knew Jon had a crush on Damian. They’ve definitely talked about it.

“If I were your classmate, I’d be more curious about your apparently immortal dog.” - KRYPTO WILL NEVER DIE!!!

Damian’s insistence on paying for everything is basically a gesture of ownership, or chivalry if you want to be nice about it. He doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.

Jon being secretly in love with Damian from practically the start of their friendship is firm head canon for me, I believe in it with all of my being.

“Jon probably shouldn’t find Damian more endearing the ruder he got, but, well, here he was.“ - Jon is wildly entertained by Damian being an asshole, which is lucky for him because that particular behavioral tic isn’t going anywhere. Another thing I really wanted to make clear was that Jon sees Damian for exactly who he is - prickly and cranky and arrogant and stubborn - and loves him for all of it.

“I assume you’ve been texting each other positive affirmations when I’m not looking.” - I want to be part of the Kent family group text! So many heart emojis, so many photos of outer space.

“The Big Apricot” - is 100% a canon nickname for Metropolis and it makes me so happy.

Jon’s eyes are canonically blue but fuck that, I gave him Lois’s violet eyes because a) she deserves to have some of her genes replicated too and b) the more of a beautiful anime prince I can make Jon, the better.

Damian trying not to look at Jon because he is TOO SEXY is everything to me, I am so delighted by my own story.

Also firm head canon to me: Jon’s hair only ever falls into two categories, somewhat messy and very messy.

Damian removed his arm from Jon’s trim waist, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. - I didn’t do a lot with it here but part of why Damian is so deeply repressed about his feelings for Jon is because of the age difference - he feels guilty being attracted to Jon, even though the difference between 19 and 22 is much less significant than, say, 12 and 15. I think Damian already has a lot of shame and guilt hardwired into him re: bodily pleasures - thanks, both of his parents! - and Jon’s age just makes it worse.

The scene where Damian wakes up from a nightmare and almost stabs a practically naked Jon was one of the reasons I wrote the fic. 😈 One of Damian’s greatest fears is hurting his loved ones and he really can’t do that to Jon, at least not by accident. Also Jon is not the slightest bit afraid of him.

Relatedly, Damian has never been safe or secure a day in his life, but Jon represents absolute safety. Damian is 100% not ready to process his feelings about that or even admit that he might like to be able to let his guard down for a little while.

Aw yeah, that good good part of the fake dating where they’re both uncomfortable because they want it to be real dating and are picking up on the other’s discomfort and totally misreading it. Love that shit.

Damian: “If I have to kiss Jon again to save our lives, I will do it. I will fall on that sword. It’s a sacrifice, but one I’m willing to make.” ok bro

"Frat Chat” lololol

JON’S PARENTS ARE BOTH INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISTS, DAMIAN, HE CAN TELL WHEN YOU’RE LYING

Is this how parademons work? Who knows? Who cares? My apologies to Jack Kirby, if they are necessary.

As you will know if you’ve read...anything I’ve ever written, “character’s loved one is hurt so they go fucking feral” is MY FAVORITE THING, which is why there’s a twofer here. And Damian goes feral so well.

Also my favorite thing: the sweet one asking the feral one to spare the bad guy’s life. Ahhhh this fic is so self-indulgent and I’m not even sorry.

I wanted both Jon and Damian to be right about Chazz - he was involved, but not willingly. Their partnership works not because Damian is The Smart One or Jon is The Good One, but because they balance each other out - trust and cynicism, evidence and faith.

Damian totally kissed Jon better. ;)

Damian: “Oh, I’m in love with you? Wait, I need to analyze every thought and feeling I’ve ever had in light of this new information, give me a minute.”

And Jon teases him about it because teasing Damian is his absolute favorite thing to do. <333

IN CONCLUSION, THESE BABIES ARE IN LOVE AND I’M SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.