#might come back with a better analysis and breakdown later on

[cecekeating]

My 612 Jordayla Analysis/Commentary and Breakdowns pt 4

Thank you TV gods for giving me a Layla/Laura moment. I will eat the crumbs the writers threw at me today. I loved seeing Laura share a moment with Layla and Jordan. I would have loved a conversation bit like I said, I will take the crumbs. The moment Laura is out of earshot, Jordan lets Layla know that they need to talk. Jordan explains that he didn’t want to bring the conversation initially because she is in a much better place. Again, shoutout to the writing for continuity. Jordan is still thinking about Layla and being super considerate about her mental health.  Layla on the other hand wants to know if he has cold feet. She lets him know that he can tell her if he does. I thought this was super sweet. She wants to be there for Jordan and she is making an effort to create a safe space for Jordan, just like he has always done for her. Jordan assures her that he is fine but they need to talk about their future. 

This was where I heaved a sigh of relief. Layla has actually been thinking about the future and proactively got a place for them already. So do you see where the look she shared with Jordan in 606 comes in? She also confirms onscreen for the audience that she wants to have children “eventually”. That “eventually” line is kinda giving “sooner than later” to me. I mean is it a Jordayla storyline if stuff doesn’t happen earlier than expected?

Now there is also something I picked from this scene. As I watched, I felt this scene was hinting at the dynamic of Jordayla as a married couple. In this episode we saw Jordan worry about the future and we also saw something similar in episodes 602/603. It was even a point of contention and he admitted that he was so focused on the future that he forgot to just live in the moment with Layla. So it looks like the writing is sort of establishing a tendency for Jordan to be in over his head about wanting the best for his family and spiraling about it. This episode and previous episodes have not tackled this, leading me to suspect that this might be something he will struggle with in marriage, especially if Jordayla has a child. I can see him trying his hardest to be the best husband and father and being overwhelmed by it. This can be tied to his relationship with Billy. Because when you look at Jordan as a character, a lot of his fears and insecurities stem from Billy and how he parented Jordan. I have always felt the writing never tackled this and having Jordan navigate this in marriage makes perfect sense. 

Now for Layla, she will be going into marriage very much aware and informed. Therapy brought to light many of the issues she had with her parents and how she was raised and so in marriage, she is likely going to be the one supporting Jordan. Remember earlier in the write up I said Jordan has an understanding of Layla’s childhood and how it affected her as a teenager and an adult. This may mean that Layla would be more stable to handle parenting than Jordan since she has worked through her issues. Jordan hasn’t done so yet. So their season 6 dynamic may likely flip with Layla playing more of a support system for Jordan. That is why in this episode, we had her already do some proactive work to alleviate Jordan’s worry. Remember that she now understands that she and Jordan are a team. She told him that she has “got him” and “they are in this together” so if s7 has Layla support Jordan as he navigates being a husband and father, know that the seeds were planted here. 

Of course we don’t know NK’s plan for s7 but based on the writing, this is what I can see happening. 

Okay, that is all the yapping for this episode. I will be back with a lotta yapping once the wedding is aired and best believe, I am going to say all that I can remember. Thank you for supporting me, Jordayla Nation! There is no fandom I’d rather be in than with you guys! 

Next stop, the JORDAYLA WEDDING!!

[androgynouspenguinexpert]

hello hello! i love your character analysis(?) posts, and i would love to hear your thoughts on Avior 👀 /nf

alright im on the train home from uni so its rantin' time - this'll probably be a long one, so strap in theydies and gentlethems!

avior! avior. his first arc was incredibly interesting to me, as i'm a big fan of moral quandries. the idea of keeping a massive secret from a loved one for their safety is super compelling, doubly so if that secrecy is justified (looking at you, blake).

this guy is smart, which is refreshing. avior might be highly emotional (pin this for later), but he's a strategist by nature. unlike a lot of other characters (looking at you again, blake), avior is able (to a certain point) to put his own feelings and goals aside for the sake of others. however - as we'll get to later, avior also has a tendency to decide what people want for them, rather than asking. admittedly, he's usually right, but his execution almost always ends up making someone upset with him.

avior has a lot of flaws, but that's what makes him so interesting! i'd argue avior's biggest character flaw is his immaturity, with selfishness as a close second. he can be shockingly inconsiderate at times, especially if he believes he's doing it for the greater good. avior often hides behind his intellect as an excuse to be detached from things he deems unimportant. obviously he dials it up on purpose to keep starlight at arm's length, but his real feelings towards some of their less good ideas do start to show through from time to time.

on the other side of that coin, avior is very reactionary when it comes to things he does care about. he's a passionate person who regularly has to handle very strong emotions, and it shows. watching avior torture himself by keeping someone he loves at a distance by being a dick is - well, not fun, but it's very strong and entertaining character work.

i think these two things come to a head in the imperium. avior's desire to keep everything running smoothy clashes with his (for lack of a better term) humanity. we can see this in the way he is distrustful (and rightfully so) of the vampire hoardes showing up on the academy's doorstep, yet he goes ballistic at vega for suggesting that they're disposable soldiers who can be killed for resisting orders. i think it's pretty clear in both the prime and imperium timelines that avior is a pacifist, but is often forced into violence either directly or by proxy. imperium!avior has a lot of people relying on him, and he really wasn't built for that pressure.

as an aside, i think it's interesting to see how each character reacts to extreme stress. it was perfectly put in that one heritage tumblr post - your characters are geodes. to see what they're really made of, you need to break them. avior is very reactionary, so you might expect him to snap, but he crumbles. avior's prime universe breakdown is super interesting (which i know is a wild statement, but i'm making it through a purely analytical lens, so hear me out). he's 36 at time of writing, but that is staggeringly young compared to daemons who have been around since before the beginning of time. he doesn't know who he is yet. avior might resist it when questioned, but he wants - needs - guidance, and he knows that. i think avior struggles with impostor syndrome, especially in the imperium. he's nervous to move away from the security blanket that is the older daemons, and getting booted into a pocket dimension by blake has forced his hand.

let's talk about the finale, and start of arc 2! avior and starlight are dumped out on the street by ancient deathless gods. cool. the inversion starts. less cool. avior's first instinct is to investigate and report back to the chorus - his curiosity is back after being beaten out of him by spending 2 years completely isolated. he's horrified by the carnage, which is completely expected, but i also think speaks to how sheltered he is. obviously, everyone in the general area is caught off guard by what is essentially shades shooting fish in a barrel, but avior's revulsion is unique. he hasn't spent enough time in elegy to learn real damage control, let alone for a large number of people. david is a good contrast here - of course he wants to help individuals, but he recognises that his first priority should be the safety of as many people as possible. granted, it's his job, but even sam starts to coordinate muster points once he's caught onto the situation (and, admittedly, made sure vincent hasn't torn through a wall looking for lovely).

avior then presents his (*) memories of e'laetum and min'ara to the chorus, as well as calling them for backup at the inversion point, but they're unconvinced. we'll be here all day if i got into chorus politics here - but i think their hesitancy is, among other reasons, caused by avior's presentation of the information. he's panicking. insistant. desperate to get the chorus involved as quickly as possible to stop people from suffering. this is another of avior's flaws - he's a lot more human than he thinks.

you could chalk that up to his age and inexperience, but avior displays a level of empathy (ironically) and care for humans that a lot of other daemons do not. that's definitely not a bad thing, but avior seems to be completely unaware of this fact and thus leaves it unmeasured. i think avior might have had a chance of at least swaying the chorus if he had presented his evidence with logic and detachment. here's a screen recording of meeting e'laetum and min'ara and the information they gave, be it true or not. you can all feel mass casualties in the spellsong. shades are involved, and a lot of them, so the sovereigns are definitely up to something. avior is far too smart to not put the pieces together that this display of raw power by the sovereigns is a sign that their strength is returning. but, unfortunately, the chorus (specifically circinus) only see avior's emotions clouding his judgement, and dismiss him.

i'm worried that an extended period of being completely alone has stunted avior's emotional development, especially considering he never spent much time interacting with elegy in the first place. even someone like gavin (who chose to stay in elegy after years of mistreatment) responded to the inversion fairly rationally, considering he spent the entire time being agonisingly ripped apart at the seams. yes, they're different people, but gavin's exposure to people from fairly early in his life is definitely a contributing factor.

avior has a lot of potential directions for his character to go in, but i think the most likely one is his emotional regulation. he's too focused on the immediate future, which is a microscopic amount of time for a daemon that lives for an indefinite amount of time. he's childish. again, not a bad thing - but avior's inexperience and lack of emotional development have a strong effect on his behaviour. i hope he learns to recognise that before it bites him in the ass.

[stelladess]

Since I had not seen anyone do a breakdown comparing Schwarz and Typhon I decided to do some math because I personally think that Typhon shares more the same roll (on skill 3) as Schwarz does as opposed to Rosa who is more crowd control then pure damage, obviously on skill 2 Typhon is more of a laneholder so Im not comparing that, im not including Pozy for the sake of my brain, might do a comparison later but from other people´s analysis I already know Pozy has higher damager then Schwarz except against very high defense enemies (with things like attack down and enemy defense buffs making Schwarz more and more valuable) The math coming here might not be fully accurate (decimals are a thing), but the point here is more to illustrate a rough estimate mostly for my own benefit and I do not think most people need to know exact numbers down to the last digit for general play or even most high difficulty play. This all assumes fully upgraded on both, max trust, M3, etc. and Schwarz module Y because it has higher damage then module X (which gives her some fast redeploy and support utility for snipers instead) Also as a reminder the physical damage formula basically means that enemy defense is a flat minus to the outgoing attack damage value, there are some good videos out there explaining the way you count damage in this game (the channel Yii has a two parter on it), this is not the most rigorous and double checked math session, I am merely doing some quick math for the sake of helping inform people (and for my own sake) about how good Typhon is at what she does. Also because I think its fun.

Schwarz atk 940+120=1060 1113 while attacking enemies in front (all of them on skill) (has 105% atk while attacking in a line in front) +1908 on skill 2968 atk on skill Does 170% damage on every hit while on skill (talent triggers 100% of the time on skill) 5046 damage per hit with a 25% def shred 2 second attack interval on skill DPS is 5046/2=2523 against a 0 defense enemy

Typhon atk 1045+110=1155 1155+90=1245 Ignores up to 60% defense atk upped to 2117 during first hit on skill on a target 5 hits for 175% damage each arrow rain 2178 damage per hit on the arrows except first hit which is 3704 on hit If all 5 hit that is either 10890 or 12416 against 0 defense enemy (each hit would get lowered by defense individually as they are separate hits) 2,4 second attack interval, 3,1 interval increase on skill for 5,5 interval DPS is 10890/5=5445 against 0 defense enemy after the first burst EDIT: This was incorrect here, its not divided by 5 it should be 10890/5,5=1980dps This actually impacts the end result as it means Typhon has LOWER DPS then Schwarz instead of higher, I still think that Typhon is overall the stronger unit for the reasons I put in later but it means Schwarz is even more still totally viable So done right, Typhon is better? While I do think she is overall better due to ease of use, ammo skill and can better deal with higher defense (60% ignore vs 25% shred) and more of her skills being worth mastering... There are certainly still advantages to Schwarz For one, each of Typhon´s individual hits get their damage lowered by defense, so the bigger ignore could be argued as mainly to make up for that (would need to more calculations to know who wins out against really high defense enemies as such). Also more importantly since her 5 hits will hit random enemies in the range large groups of enemies can absolutely wreck her damage, this is easily fixed by gamebreaker units like Texas the gangstar or Mlynar in most situations though, but it is worth keeping in mind. She also needs to hit multiple times before she gets her maximum ignore while Schwarz has it guaranteed on each hit. Furthermore Schwarz can ignore physical dodge and she gets her skill back faster (she has like 50% uptime on her skill potentially), wether that or the ammo skill is a more useful benefit will of course vary depending on the situation. I do think the dodge ignore will prove quite valuable in certain situations but it may be something people will often ignore because most enemies do not have any dodge. EDIT: Forgot to mention it but Schwarz doing def shred instead of ignore CAN in certain situations be a big benefit as other units benefit from it and not JUST herself

[editorialsonlife]

Reflections

It's been an interesting start to the year after a really long three years. And the thing I keep coming back to is that I want to feel good. I want to feel proud of myself again. I want to put in effort and feel it pay off. I want to try new things and be ok with failing or sucking at them again. I want to be an active participant in my life again, rather than feeling like I'm sitting on the sidelines watching it all unfold in front of me and I know how stupid that is to say (I've very actively chosen a new job and renovations and holiday and breaks and everything else over the last year) but I also think that with counselling and so much life analysis and trying to stay regulated and figure shit out I've just spent so. much. time. living in my head and very little time living in the world. I think the balance has just gone too far in the analytical direction rather than the active direction.

I want more of the good stuff around. I want more weekends away with girlfriends and more walks and laughter with Dave and more time spent living like holiday Catherine who gives way less of a fuck about practicalities and way more of a fuck about finding joy in dumb shit.

We were at the beach last week and it looked like it was about to rain so we weren't gunna go swimming, but ya know what? It rains, ya gunna get wet so just go swimming.

I want to build the weekly structures and routines so that I do have the freedom to go and do stuff. I want to get the housework done on weekdays so it's not a whole massive effort over the weekends. I want to spend my money on sensible stuff during the week so that I have money left over for all the good stuff I want to do on holiday. I want to exercise better now so that I can do all the great holiday activities later on. I want my workdays set up so they're actually productive, and I want enough sleep so I don't feel like I'm living on the edge of a breakdown all the time. I want less time on my phone and more time reading physical books. I want to be prioritising friends and catch ups over shitty netflix and boring crap.

Basically, I'm going to spend the year building the best routines I can with the discipline that I can muster (150% a skill I need to relearn) so that I am resourced enough to go and do all the cool shit I want to do.

As a fun aside, I usually do a year in review around new years (didn't happen this year) and set some goals and do a vision board but I keep dreaming about writing a manifesto. So I guess that might be what I end up doing this year.

I'm exceptionally grateful to myself for giving me permission to ease into this year and see how its going before making any big declarations or changes. Yay for self compassion and permission slips and concious effort directed well. Just need to keep that going!!!

[themedplanets]

Valentines Special thoughts

Main story was pretty cute and fine I guess.  Couldn’t really get into it too much just because I very much have to have a pre-existing attachment to characters to care about their romantic foibles and the dude especially didn’t grab me.  But my standards for affable meatheads might set a bit high, so whatever.  They’re both just pretty flat for characters that get the majority of an issue entirely about fleshing out their characters and dynamic.

I did like the story itself well enough, though, didn’t get Captial-H-Het* about the dynamic, and I do like a good “characters stepping out of their comfort zone for both their own benefit and a greater understanding of those around them” story.  

Plus there’s those funky ‘lil raccoons.  Love a good alien species that’s just a normal animal.  And I get that it isn’t really the point of the story but I want to actually know about their culture?  Why the hell is their main form of communication gladiatorial combat?  

Bonus story was very fun.  And all written and drawn by one person?  Noice. 

I liked the scene blocking of it just with all the ways Cosmos was dicking around in space to get keep what’s essentially a single setting, dialogue focused story visually entertaining, even though the main focus was on Cosmos and Blast Off’s conversation and not on anything really happening on the page.  

And I do like the trope of characters communicating and building a camaraderie without ever seeing the other face to face.  And the little goof at the end was good.  IDK the way these two interacted and were established in just the few broad strokes played well for me.  

Plus, uh, Gears, you good buddy?  You don’t seem good.  I feel like at some point someone should maybe get him a tether.  Child leash.  Something.  Just for his own protection.  

* “Capital-H-Het” here used to denote not simply that a pairing is m/f but that the dynamic falls into heteronormative or heavily gendered tropes.  Generally the toxic, played to death, or heavily dated stuff that is more often than not used to shortcut characters with no actual chemistry, but there’s a main boy and a main girl so the author feels like they need to get together by the end.  The summary of the issue available ahead of time (at least on the place I tracked it down) gave me bad vibes of the  Capital-H-Het variety.

[invisible-pink-toast]

So I could not stop thinking about @herinsectreflection​’s idea of Willow and Faith getting together in s7. It’s not something I ever considered but it’s such a galaxy brained take and would work so well for both their character arcs (and make so much more sense then the love interests they both ended up with). 

They wrote an analysis (which I would highly recommend), and there’s this one section: 

Imagine a version of The Killer In Me where instead of Willow-as-Warren breaking down in front of Kennedy - who has neither any knowledge of the situation nor any connection to the themes of becoming a killer or facing inner darkness - she’s breaking down in front of Faith. Faith who we know has been haunted by the face of the man she killed. Faith who has intimate knowledge of what it’s like to become a killer. Faith who has literal experience of having an emotional breakdown while in the body of her thematic counterpart. Immediately, that scene becomes so much more potent and powerful.

And that made so much sense and I was so mad about what we actually got that I... rewrote the episode with Faith in Kennedy’s place. 

Some background: 

There’s an important conversation between Willow and Buffy in ‘Bring on the Night’ where Willow says: 

Willow: ‘I’m really sorry for letting you down / So I can’t do everything- but I should at least be able to do something. / But you need help, Buffy. I know you, and I know you’ll never admit it, but you need help.’ Buffy: ‘I’ll be okay’ 

But of course we know that Buffy nearly gets beaten to death later that episode. 

So in ‘Showtime’ after Buffy was almost killed by the uber-vamp, I can see Willow telling the team that she wants to go get Faith. Personally I find ‘Showtime’ super boring, so this added subplot could spice it up a little. 

Willow wants to help Buffy and is afraid that she’s going to die. She figures if the all-powerful evil is going after slayers, two slayers are better than one. But the other’s aren’t sure - they don’t trust Faith. Spike is gone, Buffy is still recovering even with slayer-healing, and Willow is torn by her friend’s distrust of Faith. She didn’t trust Faith either, but after her own experiences with darkness, she understands Faith better. So she ignores the group and goes to LA herself. 

Also they would’ve already given Faith a heads up about the approaching apocalypse and Bringer attacks (probably through Angel - obviously things are different in Angel season 4, they don’t need Faith to help capture Angelus. Not every season has to have some kind of world-ending disaster, so at Angel Investigations it’s business as usual.). 

So Willow goes to the prison LA and pleads with Faith to come back to Sunnydale with her. Faith is hesitant, she doesn’t want to hurt people, but she doesn’t want to sit idly by and let people get hurt when she could help. But she’s afraid of what she might do or become back out in the world. 

Willow understands this. She gives Faith some (unemotional) insight into what happened the year before, and where Willow’s head is at now. Willow wants to help, but is afraid of herself. Faith gets this, and an understanding passes between them. Willow tells Faith that they need her. She convinces Faith, and Faith breaks through the glass and busts out of prison. 

But we need Buffy to face the uber-vamp alone that night so I figure Willow and Faith get side-tracked by Bringer’s attacking the newly escaped slayer. This could also be a cool crossover episode with ATS, which would bring that team in on the fight and set it up for them to show up at the end of the season (because if there’s a world ending fight - should every ally and advantage be there for the fight??) 

Anyway - ‘Showtime’ can work pretty much the same, but Dawn takes over Willow’s role (I like the hc that Willow and Tara were teaching Dawn magic, she’s still in the early stages but manages to hold off the uber-vamp long enough for them to escape). 

Then at the start of ‘Potential’ - Willow and Faith can show up. Things are awkward, just like in ‘Dirty Girls’ but Faith is determined to help. With the Summer’s home housing a ton of people - Faith takes a cot in Willow’s room. 

As for ‘The Killer in Me’ - it’s such an interesting idea, but the whole execution really falls flat. I honestly don’t dislike Kennedy, but she and Willow have no chemistry and almost nothing in common. There’s a reason their conversation at the Bronze is entirely about being gay - it’s the only thing they have in common (and the dialogue is cringe-worthy. very “written by a straight guy”). It feels rushed, like Willow is moving on from Tara way too quickly, and the fact that in the end there’s no closure - Kennedy just kisses Willow again and everything’s “fixed” irks me so much. 

So with that, I present the new and improved 7x13 episode ‘The Killer in Me’

(og was written by Drew Z. Greenberg and the transcript is from TV Show Transcripts)

Trailer 

GILES  (V.O.)  Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer: 

1 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY 

Dawn's standing in front of the three girls Giles brought with him. The three girls are lined up against the wall, and Dawn's inspecting them, arms crossed in front of her. Willow, Anya, Xander, Buffy and Giles are also in the room, gathered for a pow-wow. 

BUFFY  The First. That's what it wants. 

GILES  To erase all the slayers in training and their watchers, along with their methods. 

Cut to: 

2 EXT. OUTSIDE AN APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT 

Holding the young woman in an embrace, Spike rears back in vampire face and sinks his fangs into her neck. He drops the woman to the ground and turns his bloody, fanged face to the camera. 

WILLOW  (V. O.)  Buffy, he's been feeding... 

Cut to: 

3 INT. BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

Spike is sitting in a chair, wrapped in a blanket while the others talk in an adjacent room. Buffy, Xander, Anya, Willow and Dawn are all there. Spike's listening to them. 

BUFFY  He really didn't know what he'd done. It wasn't in his control. 

Cut to: 

4 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY 

Xander's explaining his ideas to the gang. 

XANDER  It's a trigger. It's a brainwashing term. It's how the military makes sleeper agents. 

Cut to: 

5 EXT. FRONT DOOR AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY 

Willow answers the front door—it's Amy. 

WILLOW  Amy. 

AMY  Can I come in? 

WILLOW  If you really are my friend, you better stay away from me. 

Cut to: 

6 INT. THE INITIATIVE SUNNYDALE HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT 

Dressed in military garb, Riley Finn talks with Professor Walsh, surrounded by other operatives. 

PROFESSOR WALSH  Agent Finn, my implant? 

RILEY  The implant works. Hostile 17 can't harm any living creature in any way without intense neurological pain. 

Show clips of Spike being operated on by the Initiative, being kept prisoner there, and being unable to bite a girl due to screaming fits and a headache when he attempts it. 

Cut to: 

7 EXT. BUFFY'S BACKYARD - DAY 

While in her backyard talking to Xander, Buffy's approached by an angry, gun-toting Warren. 

WARREN  You think you can just do that to me? 

Warren shoots at Buffy. Meanwhile, while running away, Warren fires a random shot that goes through the upstairs window into Willow and Tara's bedroom. 

Cut to: 

8 INT. WILLOW AND TARA'S BEDROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE- DAY 

Tara is shot and falls to the floor. Blood spatters Willow's shirt. 

WILLOW  Tara? 

Willow is grief-stricken. She is holding Tara's dead body, and when she looks up to heaven, her eyes turn red and black with dark magic because of her anger. 

Cut to: 

9 EXT. WOODS SOMEWHERE IN SUNNYDALE - NIGHT 

Warren is strung up between a pair of trees. He is tied at four points, splayed out like the famous DaVinci diagram. Warren calls for help. 

WARREN  Somebody! Help! 

Willow, in full dark magic splendour (black hair, black eyes), motions her hand toward Warren, and with a twist of her wrist, removes his skin. Warren screams in agony. 

Cut to: 

10 INT. PRISON VISITOR ROOM IN LA - DAY

Willow sits across from Faith, glass in between them. They both pick up the phones. 

FAITH (V.O.) Gotta say, you’re the last person I expected to see. 

WILLOW (V.O.) Something’s coming. We can’t do this without you. 

FAITH If there’s some great evil, it’s safer for everyone if I’m here. Out of the way. 

WILLOW Look I get being afraid of yourself. Of what you might do, or become. But this is bigger than us. You were chosen for a reason, Faith. Buffy needs you. We need you. 

Fade to black. 

End Recap.

The Start Of Episode 

PROLOGUE: 

11 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY

GILES  I'm just a bit twitchy about leaving you alone again here while—while things are in such a state of flux. 

BUFFY  I know. But you should go. This trip is important for the girls to understand the source of their power, and to know how to use it right. 

GILES Do you think they appreciate the gravity of what we're undertaking? It's frightening, and it's difficult. And then, apparently, someone told them that the vision quest consists of me driving them to the desert, doing the hokey pokey until a spooky Rasta-mama slayer arrives and speaks to them in riddles. 

BUFFY  (looks innocent)  That's not exactly how I put it, I— 

WILLOW comes down the stairs and BUFFY uses the distraction. 

BUFFY (cont.) Hey, how's Faith? 

WILLOW  Still flu-ey. Bummed about missing the field trip.  (to Giles)  She says she wants you to meditate extra hard and try not to get into any big fights without her. Oh, and to bring her back some smores!

GILES  Ah yes. Smores. I'm going to end up singing campfire songs aren't I? 

BUFFY  Oh yeah. 

XANDER  (comes in the front door, followed by DAWN)  Giles, you might want to get out there. 

GILES  Oh, God, what? 

DAWN  Kennedy, Molly and Rona are fighting over who gets to drive the first leg. 

BUFFY  (to Giles)  Bet you wish you renewed that California state driver's licence now, huh? 

ANYA  (comes in the front door)  Kennedy won. You should probably let Molly out of the trunk. I never actually realised just how compact Molly really is. 

A car horn blares outside. 

GILES  (sighs, to Buffy)  Please be safe while I'm away. 

BUFFY  You too.

Cut to: 

12 INT. BASEMENT AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - DAY

[Buffy and Spike scene]

Cut to: 

Opening Credits.

ACT I: 

INT. KITCHEN AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

A tea kettle whistles as Buffy walks into the kitchen from the basement. Willow’s at the stove. 

WILLOW  Hey. How is he? 

BUFFY  (sits)  Oh, in the "goes" part of "comes and goes." 

WILLOW  Well there seems to be a definite lack of screaming. That has to be good. 

BUFFY  You'd think. 

Willow reaches into the cupboard for a cup and sees a mug with a black cat on it. Her hand twitches and pain flashes across her face before she can mask it. 

BUFFY (cont.) You okay? 

WILLOW Hm? Oh, yeah. 

Willow grabs a different cup and pours the hot water in. 

BUFFY That for the other patient? 

WILLOW  Yeah. Thought I'd bring her some tea, help her feel better. 

BUFFY  Yeah, ‘cause the only thing more effective than magical slayer healing is tea. 

WILLOW It’s more the thought. 

BUFFY (pauses, curious)  So… there’s thoughts? 

WILLOW Huh? What? No! No thoughts, just, just- tea. 

BUFFY  Okay, alright. …Will? How much do you know about the chip? 

WILLOW  Spike's chip? Well, I remember trying to dig up stuff back then, but, you know, turns out, when a secret government agency studies vampires and puts chips in their brains that keep them from hurting people, they don't really build websites. Why? 

BUFFY  Even with the chip, Spike was able to hurt all those people when he was brainwashed. 

WILLOW  Yeah, but he was under the control of the First. 

BUFFY  Maybe something's wrong with it. 

WILLOW  The chip is misfiring all on its own, then. Well this'll be fun. 

BUFFY  Remember when things used to be nice and boring? 

WILLOW  (shrugs)  No. 

She walks out of the kitchen with the tea in hand. 

BUFFY  (teasingly, calls after her) Have fun...delivering tea... 

WILLOW  (stops, turns around)  OK, not when you make it sound all flirty like that.  (mumbles as she heads upstairs)  It's just tea.

INT. WILLOW'S ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

Willow walks into her room to find FAITH putting on her shoes. 

WILLOW  Hey, I figured the best thing for a cold is a nice hot cup of… boots? 

FAITH  I’m really more of a beer or tequila girl, but thanks.  

WILLOW  For someone who's sick, you look surprisingly robust and casual dressy. 

FAITH  Cheers, Red. Nothing gets past you. 

Faith leans down in front of the mirror and applies a dark red lipstick. 

WILLOW  (shocked)  You were never sick! Oh, you are so busted. Xander's gonna have to drive you to the desert and— 

FAITH Yeah, no. I’ve spent enough time locked up - and being stuck in a van or a tent with a bunch of shrieking teenagers actually sounds worse than prison. If Giles wants to torture himself, he’s more than welcome. 

WILLOW But this was about- learning and growing and other healing, connective type things. It was a chance for you to bond with the Potentials. 

FAITH  (pulls on a leather jacket) The best bonding experiences are either during or after a fight. I’m sure there’s plenty of opportunities coming. Besides, I have a thing. 

WILLOW  What? 

FAITH Something's up. I have my own mission.  (eyes Willow up and down) …Could use your help, actually. 

Cut to: 

15 INT. THE BRONZE NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT 

A band's playing a song on stage. 

BAND  (singing)  So I can be happy again... 

Faith and Willow are having a drink (complete with orange wedge and paper umbrella garnishes), sitting at one of the tables, listening to the band. 

WILLOW  This is a mission? 

FAITH  Definitely.

WILLOW  And the little pink umbrellas are a signal for what? …We're not on a mission, are we? 

FAITH  Got you out of the house, didn’t it?

Willow gets up to leave, Faith calls after her.

FAITH (cont.)  Wait, come on. You’re already here, and I’m shouting. 

Willow turns to face her, sighing.

WILLOW You stole that money from Xander’s wallet. 

FAITH  And it was for a good cause. C’mon, Willow. Saving the world’s important and all, but nothing’s even happening right now. We deserve a night off. You especially. 

WILLOW (cautiously approaching) What’s that supposed to mean? 

FAITH Right now that house is uptightness central. And you’ve been kinda… mopey. 

Willow is unimpressed. 

FAITH (cont.)  I mean, I get why, but still. Figured a night out could do you some good. Also I was bored and didn’t want to go alone. …And you’re one of the few people here I can stand to be around who also doesn’t seem to hate me. 

Willow sighs and returns to her seat. 

WILLOW All right, I'll stay. For one drink. And I don’t know how un-mopey I’m gonna be. 

FAITH  Alright, I’ll take it. 

WILLOW Also I don’t think anyone hates you. 

FAITH I think Kid Sis is planning how to make my death look like an accident as we speak. 

WILLOW Okay, yeah, Dawn has… some issues. She’s just very protective of Buffy. But everyone can see you’re here to help - they’ll come around. 

FAITH Yeah, we’ll see. 

They sit in silence - Willow glumly watching the band, Faith tapping her hands and glancing at Willow. 

WILLOW What? 

FAITH Nothing, just- I dunno what to do. Normally if I’m in a bar I’m either dancing, hooking up or slaying something. I mean, last time I was in a club I started a brawl. 

WILLOW How’d that work out for you? 

FAITH Broke a cop's jaw and then took out a hit on Angel.  

WILLOW Oh. 

Faith shifts uneasily. 

WILLOW (cont.) …I tore apart a police station with magic. And then hijacked a semi-trailer. 

FAITH (smirking)  We make quite the pair, huh?

WILLOW I’ll drink to that. 

They cheers and drink. 

FAITH Place hasn’t changed much. 

WILLOW There was a troll-related incident, but otherwise, yep, same old Bronze. 

FAITH Actually, last time I was here was… with you.  (at Willow’s confusion, she elaborates) I wasn’t exactly myself. 

WILLOW (gets it) The body-swap. With Buffy. Yeah you were pretty wild. 

FAITH And you were a lot gayer then I’d realised. 

WILLOW How so? 

FAITH You introduced me to your girl. Tara?

WILLOW …Yeah. She hadn’t met Buffy yet but she still realised her- or your energy was off. So we conjured the katra to switch you back. 

FAITH That was you!? 

Willow playfully raises her eyebrows and takes a drink. 

FAITH (cont.)  She sounds pretty impressive. 

WILLOW She’s amazing. My relationship to magic was always… power-focused. I was using it to get something done. But Tara? She had this connection with magic - it was energy and life, completely natural. Like breathing. And she’s so kind and gentle, that always comes across in how she- (Willow pauses, smile fading) Came across. It… it used to. 

FAITH She was your first girlfriend?

WILLOW Mmn. Only. Um, can we talk about something else? 

Faith’s thrown off, not sure how to handle feelings, or how quickly Willow has gone blank.

FAITH Sure. Yeah, sure, there’s… (she flounders) Um… oh! Prison! I was in prison. I’ve got lots of stories about that. Uh- okay, so there’s this one woman. Old Joan. She’s been in there forever, and she’s got an eyepatch over her left eye. She doesn’t say much, but two years after we’ve met, she and I are alone outside having a smoke. Then she turns to me and lifts up her eyepatch - there’s an eye under there! Totally working eye. And she winks at me! Then puts the eyepatch down again, and never says another word about it. 

Willow’s trying not to smile. 

FAITH (cont.) This other time- 

Cut to: 

16 INT. BASEMENT AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

[Spike and Buffy scene] 

Cut to: 

17 INT. THE BRONZE NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT 

Faith and Willow are having another drink. 

WILLOW So when did you realise you liked girls? 

FAITH Ages ago. Probably when I watched Xena. And that bus movie with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. They’re both hot. 

WILLOW But you never said anything? 

FAITH Did so! You just had hetero lenses on. I even flirted with you a couple of times. 

WILLOW Really? 

FAITH Not seriously, cause you had Wolf Boy and I thought you were straight, but still. Was always very bi. Although I was probably too focused on B to get those vibes out to anyone else. 

WILLOW Oh? Oh. 

FAITH But that’s not- I mean- that was a long time ago. Could you, uh, maybe not mention that, though? To her? I think she knows, but it was all pretty whacked out back then, and it’s not really a can of worms I wanna open. 

WILLOW My lips are sealed.

FAITH Thanks. Uh, what about you? With girls? 

WILLOW Was less “girls” and more “girl”. Tara and I were in the same wicca group. We were being chased by fairytale monsters that stole our voices and wanted to cut out our hearts-

FAITH (mutters) -Just your typical Sunnydale Tuesday-

WILLOW -and we were in trouble. Then she took my hand and it was like- this zing. We were able to do a spell together to protect us. Left me breathless. Then there was a lot of months of denial and confusion before it finally all fell into place. Also she was so pretty I could never take my eyes off of her.

FAITH Nah, that doesn’t sound gay to me at all. Real friendly behaviour there.  

Willow laughs, but runs her hands up and down her arms. 

FAITH (cont.) You cold? 

WILLOW ‘M fine. Thought we were going on a mission so I didn’t grab another layer. I tend to get a lot sweatier fighting evil then sitting on a chair. 

FAITH Funny, that.  (Faith shrugs off her jacket and tosses it across the table) Here. 

WILLOW Oh, I don’t-

FAITH It’s fine. I run hot. 

Cut to: 

18 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT

[Buffy and Spike scene]

Cut to: 

19 INT. THE BRONZE NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT

Faith and Willow have shifted from a table to a couch. Willow’s wearing Faith’s jacket.

WILLOW That’s nothing. We were once in a stolen, blacked out Winnebago, on the run from a hell god, in the desert, being chased by knights on horseback. 

FAITH I honestly don’t know how to respond to that. 

WILLOW You know, neither did I. Anya actually knocked out one of them with a frying pan!

They laugh, and a generically attractive guy approaches them, eyeing Faith. 

PROBABLY BRAD Hey - you wanna dance? 

Faith barely glances at him before shaking her head. 

FAITH Nah, I’m good here. 

Probably Brad frowns, but doesn’t push it and walks away. 

FAITH (cont.) You were saying?

Willow’s looking at her like she’s grown another head. 

FAITH (cont.) What? 

WILLOW What was that? Don’t you live for that kind of stuff? 

FAITH Interruptions? 

WILLOW Attention? Guys being all into you - and the dancing-hooking-up-slaying combo? 

FAITH Don’t think he was a vamp. 

WILLOW That’s not what I meant and you know it. What is this? What are we doing? Why would you rather sit here and talk with me then- then-

FAITH (defensive) What? Dancing with some lame guy I don’t even know? 

WILLOW Well, yeah! Or doing anything else then… hanging out… with me? 

Faith doesn’t respond, sitting forwards and glaring into her glass. 

WILLOW (cont.) We never… talked before. We didn’t really have anything to do with each other. 

FAITH Yeah, well, a lot’s happened since then. 

WILLOW I know. 

FAITH And we’re both different. And even in the ways you’re not different it’s… I… I like talking with you. 

WILLOW Yeah? 

FAITH I think you- get it. In a way that I don’t have to explain or defend. Which is nice. And I like your stories. I still don’t really get magic yet, but I like how you talk about it. I know I can be a lot and I don’t really know what to say most of the time but… I’m not really close with anyone besides Angel… so I mean, maybe, if you wanted to… 

WILLOW Faith? Are you asking me to be your friend? 

FAITH (rolls eyes) Well, we’re not in grade school, so no! 

WILLOW I like talking with you too. 

Faith goes still. 

WILLOW (cont.) So, even though you weren’t asking, yes. I would like to be your friend. Officially. 

Faith doesn’t look at her, but nods. She clears her throat. 

FAITH Right. Okay. So is there like a form we need to fill out? For official purposes. 

WILLOW Maybe like a secret handshake. Or a blood oath under a full moon. 

Faith grins and finally looks at her. 

FAITH Whatever does it for you.

Cut to: 

20 INT. WILLOW'S ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

Faith walks into the room and collapses onto her cot-bed. Willow waits at the door, wringing her hands. 

FAITH You right, Red? 

WILLOW Yeah, I just… thanks. For tonight. You were right, a night out was good for me. 

FAITH You’re welcome. Always love to hear “you were right”. 

WILLOW And I’m glad we talked. 

FAITH  Yeah. Kinda cleared the air. 

WILLOW  (nods)  Yeah, totally. Air cleared. Check. 

FAITH So… you coming in? 

WILLOW Um, I think, I should… probably… check on… Buffy! You know, with the whole Spike-chip-thing. So I’ll go. Do. That. 

FAITH ‘Kay. 

Willow turns to leave. 

FAITH Hey, Will? Thanks for tonight too. Best one I’ve had in… a while. Long while.  

Willow smiles at her, something softer than usual, and it lasts a beat longer than it probably should. Then she leaves. Faith leans back on the bed, musing. There’s a sound at the door again. 

MAN Oh, I forgot, you probably want your jacket back. 

Faith’s on her feet in a second, staring at WARREN. 

WARREN What? 

Fade to black. 

ACT II: 

21 INT. WILLOW'S ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

Resume. 

Willow's standing where Warren was a moment ago, holding out Faith’s jacket and talking amicably - while Faith is staring incredulously at her.

WILLOW Are you okay? I didn’t think- AH!

Faith grabs Willow by the collar and shoves her against the wall. The jacket flops onto the floor. 

“WARREN” What are you doing!? It’s not like I stole it, you gave it to me!

FAITH I don’t- who the hell are you? 

“WARREN” Is this some kind of prison joke thing? Or do you feel awkward because we were open about feelings and now you’re regretting it? I took a semester of psych, I think you have issues with emotional vulnerability. Although immediate regret seems kind of sudden, ‘cause you literally just said you had a good time. 

Faith gapes at “him”, letting go of “his” collar and taking a step back. 

FAITH …Willow? 

WILLOW …Yes? 

FAITH What the hell is happening? 

“WARREN” You tell me!? 

Willow starts to panic and goes to look in the mirror; she sees Warren's reflection instead of her own. 

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE: Until resolution of this plot point, all characters see Willow in Warren's form. On screen, Willow is sometimes shown from her perspective, as herself. To keep track of which form Willow is shown on screen, an asterisk (*) will be used to indicate the form. 

WILLOW/WARREN* = shown as Warren 

WILLOW*/WARREN = shown as Willow

WILLOW/WARREN*  Oh, God! Oh, God... 

FAITH What... who is that? 

WILLOW/WARREN*  (feeling her face)  It's the man that I killed.

22 INT. LIVING ROOM AT BUFFY'S HOUSE - NIGHT 

Warren comes down the stairs, followed by Faith. Xander, Anya and Dawn are in the living room. 

FAITH  OK, hold up a sec. 

When Xander, Anya and Dawn see Warren, they gasp and stand, positioning themselves defensively. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Guys— 

XANDER  Get Buffy. Get Buffy! Tell her the First is back. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  No, I'm not the First. 

ANYA  We're not interested in any of your evil lies. We've heard 'em all. 

WILLOW*/WARREN  No, guys it's me. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  I'm me. I'm Willow. Guys, come on. Ask Faith—  (points to Faith)  She was there. 

FAITH  (shakes her head)  I don't know. I'm not sure. We were in Willow's room and we were— 

Carrying a bowl of food, ANDREW walks into the living room. When he sees Warren, he freezes in place, dropping his bowl; it shatters to pieces on the ground. 

ANDREW  No... No. You're back. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  (emphatic)  No, I'm not. It's not— I'm not it. Listen to me— 

ANDREW  No more listening. I know who you are now. I know what you made me do. Your promises of happy fields and dancing schnauzers and being demigods won't work on me anymore. 

ANYA  (yells)  Buffy! 

XANDER  (whispers, to Anya and Dawn)  The Bringers are coming too. 

DAWN (holds up her fists) Let ‘em come. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  No, I'm not the First!

ANDREW  You made me do things. Things I can never take back. Ever. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  I'm not the First!

Buffy walks into the room.

BUFFY  What the hell is going on here? 

She scowls when she sees Warren and punches Willow/Warren in the nose. She falls to the ground, writhing in pain on the floor. 

BUFFY (cont.) Ow! You’re real?

WILLOW*/WARREN OW! YES! You both know you have slayer strength right? Regular person bones here! 

Everyone stares at Warren. SPIKE walks into the room, holding his head and groaning. He sees "Warren" and sighs.

SPIKE  (mutters)  Great I'm losing my mind again. 

ANYA  Wait. 

DAWN  But if he's the First... 

WILLOW/WARREN*  I'm not the First!

XANDER  You're not the First. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  (stands)  I know. 

ANDREW  (smiles)  Oh, my God! You're back. 

He hugs Warren from behind, his hands touching Warren's chest, before Willow grabs at them.

WILLOW*/WARREN Hey! Bad touching! 

Spike wanders around, holding his head, moaning in pain while everyone stares at Willow/Warren. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Everyone please stop staring. 

FAITH  It's Willow. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  I'm Willow. 

XANDER  Are you sure? 

WILLOW*/WARREN  There are other stories from kindergarten. Non yellow crayon stories in which you don't come out in such a good light. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  An incident involving Aquaman underoos, for example. You want me to start talking? 

XANDER  (smiles, walks up to Willow/Warren)  Hey, Willow! 

ANYA  What happened? 

Everyone inches closer to Willow/Warren. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  I don't know. We were there, and then I looked like him. 

ANYA  Oh, like a glamour. 

WILLOW*/WARREN Maybe, but I probably brought it on myself. 

BUFFY  What makes you think that? 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Well, it wouldn't be the first time. I have a history with my witchy subconscious making things go kerfloopey. Remember the wacky "I can't see you, you can't see me" spell?

While Willow/Warren's talking, Dawn touches her shoulder, Andrew touches her chest and face. 

BUFFY  (to Dawn and Andrew)  Guys! 

ANDREW  (stops touching Willow/Warren)  It's so real. 

WILLOW*/WARREN I'm all too aware. 

She brushes Dawn's hand away. 

BUFFY  OK, say you're right, and you did do this to yourself. Why would your subconscious turn you into Warren? 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Obviously because I feel bad— about killing him. 

BUFFY  We'll deal. We'll get help. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  No, I can handle this. 

BUFFY  On your own? Why? 

WILLOW*/WARREN  I did it. I'll fix it. I don't want you seeing me this way anyway. 

She walks toward the door. 

BUFFY  It's kinda a little late for that. 

Spike's moaning in the background and collapses on the floor. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Seriously, I'm not posing any big threat to the world. Besides, it looks like you've got your hands full already. 

Buffy looks around, sees Spike lying on the floor moaning and twitching.

WILLOW*/WARREN  I'll go, I'll handle it, I'll fix it, I'll be back before you even know I'm gone. 

Faith has hung back from the group, but she frowns at this. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Promise. 

Willow/Warren leaves through the front door. Buffy goes to Spike’s side, kneels down beside him and takes his hand. 

SPIKE  Buffy? 

BUFFY  I'm right here. 

SPIKE  The chip fired again. 

Xander, Anya, Dawn and Andrew gather around to watch Buffy and Spike. Faith slips out the front door unnoticed. 

BUFFY  I kinda figured. Maybe they'll call back. Maybe they'll send help. 

SPIKE  Maybe we can't wait.

Cut to: 

23 EXT. RANDOM STREET IN SUNNYDALE - NIGHT 

Willow/Warren's walking purposefully down the street. Faith catches up, surprising her. 

FAITH  OK. Safe to say no one will ever accuse you of being too butch. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Faith, go home. 

She walks away, but Faith follows.

FAITH So are these kinda wacky magical shenanigans a regular for you? 

Willow/Warren stops walking, turns and glares at her.

WILLOW*/WARREN  I’ve turned into the guy I flayed alive. It's hard to see the wacky shenanigan side. 

Willow/Warren stalks away. Faith’s eyes pop at the “flayed alive” part, but she continues unperturbed.

FAITH So you got a plan? 

WILLOW*/WARREN  Yeah, get some help reversing it. 

FAITH  Thought you were gonna try it yourself? 

WILLOW*/WARREN  (sighs) I did try. Something's blocking me. 

FAITH  All the more reason for me to tag along. Plus, I was sorta there when it happened. Maybe I can help. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  (stops walking)  I really think I'm fine with the handling. 

FAITH  By yourself? Why? 

WILLOW*/WARREN  I'm the one that killed him. I— It's hard to understand. 

FAITH Try me. 

Willow/Warren stares at the ground between them. 

FAITH (cont.) Okay, or don’t. But we’re… friends. Right? Friends help each other with stuff. Or I can at least keep you company on your reversal-quest. Fight off anything we run into that tries to kill us. This is Sunnydale. 

Willow/Warren sighs. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  (walks)  Fine. Come. Try not to get in the way. 

FAITH I’ll do my best. Girl scouts honour. 

WILLOW*/WARREN  You were a girl scout? 

FAITH For like a week before I got kicked out. Still good with the honour though. You know where we’re going? 

WILLOW*/WARREN  To see some old friends of mine. A wicca group, helped me with my magic addiction. It's been a while, but maybe they can do something.

Cut to: 

[other scenes - Buffy and Spike, The Scoobies - but none of that “Giles is the First” crap]

Cut to: 

28 INT. HALL - NIGHT 

A group of a dozen witches are sitting in circle formation with candles lit in front of them and glowing crystals hung around their necks. 

CIRCLE LEADER - FARAH (praying)  Instill us, oh, great one, with peace, with strength, with compassion, with hope. The path we seek is yours. Keep us on that path. 

WILLOW*/WARREN  (walks to the open doorway)  Oh boy. 

FARAH  Um, hi, we're— 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Oh, hey. I'm sorry— Willow. I’m Willow. Rosenberg? It’s… been a while. Also I’m not a guy. And this is Faith. 

Faith sidles up beside Willow/Warren with a lit cigarette in her mouth and gives a two-fingered salute. 

FAITH  Hey. 

FARAH You're Willow? 

WILLOW/WARREN* Guilty.

The whole group is staring at Willow/Warren and she shrinks in on herself. Another person - CHARLIE - stands up.

CHARLIE Yeah I can sense it, your energy is all off. But what happened to you? 

WILLOW/WARREN* Um, I think it’s a glamour- 

CHARLIE No, I mean, if you’re Willow, where have you been? 

FARAH You just disappeared. 

CHARLIE No one’s seen or heard from you since… Tara…

Willow/Warren deflates. 

WILLOW*/WARREN Oh. Right. 

FARAH You weren’t even at her funeral. 

WILLOW*/WARREN I… I wasn’t… good. I needed… time. I… 

She runs her hands through her hair.

WILLOW/WARREN* This was a bad idea, I’m sorry, I’ll go-

WOMAN (O.S.)  No, wait. 

Willow/Warren looks to the back of the group. AMY stands up. 

WILLOW*/WARREN  OK. Whoa... 

AMY  Hi. Here's the thing. I'll just get this out of the way. I'm sorta screwed up, but I mean you already knew that 'cause you lived it. Gotcha. 

FARAH  But she's doing so much better now. Amy... 

AMY It's OK, Farah, I wanna do this. It took me a long time to really see myself. But I did. Because you know that's the crazy thing about hitting rock bottom, you get to relive all the crappy things you did. And I wanted to come find you and tell you that I was here working on things with these guys. And that I'm sorry. But you're here, looking like— Wow. How did this happen? 

FAITH  That's what we're here to find out. I mean, if we're done with all the group hugging. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  I got hit with this, like, glamour thing, and I can't seem to shake it myself. I was hoping someone here might be able to help.

AMY  Yeah, see the thing is we're more about healing spirits and nurturing our life force here. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Oh... 

AMY  (looks at group, then back at Willow/Warren)  But we'll try.

29 INT. HALL - NIGHT 

Faith and Farah are sitting in chairs watching Amy and Willow/Warren do a spell at the front of the room. 

AMY  (chanting O.S.)  Her spirits true, its shell a lie... 

FAITH  (whispers, to Farah)  Do you think this’ll work?

AMY  (chanting O.S.)  We draw upon your very light. 

FARAH  (whispers, to Faith)  Do you have a better idea? 

AMY  ...Give back the form the soul requires. See that the balance is put right. 

Willow/Warren is holding a crystal as Amy performs the spell, holding her hands underneath Willow/Warren’s. As Amy completes the spell, the crystal glows and becomes hot. Willow/Warren screams, drops the glowing crystal, and stands. 

AMY  (stands)  It didn't work? 

WILLOW*/WARREN  No it didn't, you dumb bitch! 

She slaps Amy across the face. Everyone flinches. 

FAITH Willow! The hell?

AMY  You slapped me! 

WILLOW/WARREN*  No, no I didn't. I wouldn’t. It... wasn't me.  (eyes growing wider)  It was Warren. 

Fade to black.

ACT III: 

30 INT. HALL - NIGHT 

Amy's holding her face where Willow/Warren slapped her. Willow/Warren runs out of the room. 

FAITH  (stands, goes after Willow/Warren)  Willow! 

Cut to: 

31 EXT. RANDOM STREET OF SUNNYDALE - NIGHT 

Willow/Warren runs out into the street, followed by Faith. 

FAITH  Will! Hold up, it’ll be okay- 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Okay? Okay! Are you just tuning in? Did you not see that? 

WILLOW*/WARREN  I'm turning into him. It's not a trick, it's not a glamour. I'm becoming him. A murderous, misogynist man!

WILLOW/WARREN*  I mean, do you understand what he did? What I could do? I killed him for a reason!

FAITH Alright, it’s not okay, I get it, but freaking isn't gonna fix it. Just take a breath, and we can-

WILLOW*/WARREN (steps towards Faith, right in her personal bubble) You understand nothing about magic. Or me. 

WILLOW/WARREN* So stop acting like it, and leave me alone.

Willow/Warren stalks off. Faith tries to follow, but is blocked by a magical barrier. 

FAITH Willow! Come on. 

Willow/Warren doesn’t stop. 

Cut to: 

[Other scenes - Buffy and Spike, Scoobies] 

35 EXT. RANDOM ALLEY IN SUNNYDALE - NIGHT 

Willow/Warren's walking down the alley. She stops behind the dumpster and rests her head against the wall. She sinks down to the ground, crying, hiding her head in her hands. 

WILLOW*/WARREN Oh, God. What do I do? 

Then, as Warren, she starts, looks up, and starts talking to herself. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Look at me. Crying like a little girl. 

Willow/Warren stands and walks purposefully down the street.

Cut to: 

[other scenes] 

37 INT. HALL - NIGHT 

Amy's packing up supplies from the ritual when Faith walks back into the hall. 

FAITH  Where'd they go? 

AMY  They took off. It was a little too creepy, even for us. …You're really worried about her? Look, she’s gonna be fine. Willow's strong. Melodramatic, sure, but definitely powerful. And she’s dealt with a lot worse. Long before she ever went out and found herself a slayer bodyguard, OK? Just have a little faith in her. Hah. Get it? 

FAITH  I never said I was a slayer. 

AMY  (innocently)  Oh, no, I think you did. When you first got here, you told us— 

FAITH  No, I didn't.  (walks closer to Amy) How’d you know who I was? 

AMY  (smirks)  Oops.

Cut to: 

[other scene]

39 INT. PAWN SHOW - NIGHT

Willow/Warren’s looking into a glass display case, grinning. 

SHOPKEEPER  So, same model as last time? How'd that work out for you? 

Pan down to show the case is displaying handguns. 

WILLOW*/WARREN  (stands, grinning maniacally)  You'd be amazed. 

Fade to black.

ACT IV

[other scenes] 

​​42 EXT. RANDOM STREET IN SUNNYDALE - SUNRISE

Willow/Warren's walking down the street, gun in hand, with a determined look on her face.

Cut to:

[other scene] 

44 INT. HALL - SUNRISE 

Amy and Faith are still talking. 

FAITH  (angrily)  You did this, didn’t you? You gonna tell me why? Or do I have to convince you? 

Faith leans forward menacingly, but Amy waves her hands causing Faith to be magically thrust across the room where she lands among the chairs. Faith stands up, shaking it off. 

FAITH Alright. Convincing it is. 

She picks up a chair and hurls it at Amy, who knocks it away with magic. There’s another chair, and another and another. Amy knocks them all away, almost bored. She fakes a yawn, not realising Faith has slowly been getting closer to her. Faith socks her in the jaw mid-yawn. 

Faith stands over her, another punch at the ready. 

FAITH What did you do to her? 

AMY (nursing the bruise)  What, to Willow? Oh, just your standard penance malediction is all. 

FAITH  OK, and that's magic crazy talk for what? 

AMY  (smirking)  I put a hex on her. 

Faith grabs the front of Amy’s shirt and hurls her to her feet one handed, the other hand still in a fist. 

FAITH  I got that part. But why Warren? And why did it happen after we hung out? 

AMY  (chuckles) Oh, that's rich.  (She runs a hand up Faith’s arm) That must’ve been some “bonding” activity. 

FAITH Answer me. Or lose your teeth.  

AMY  The hex I cast lets the victim's subconscious pick the form of their punishment. It's always better than anything I can come up with. Elegant, you know? 

FAITH  (threateningly)  Undo it. Let her out. 

AMY  OK. Oh, wait — no. 

Faith goes to punch her, but a barrier spell pushes her back. Amy smirks at her. 

FAITH  Why would you do this to her? You really hate her that much? 

AMY  (sighs)  This is not about hate. It's about power. Willow always had all the power, long before she even knew what to do with it. Just came so easy for her. The rest of us—we had to work twice as hard to be half as good. But no one cares about how hard you work. They just care about cute, sweet, poor Willow. They don't know how weak she is. She gave in to evil, unthinkable black magicks - stuff worse than I can even imagine. She almost destroyed the world! And yet everyone keeps on loving her? Forgiving her?  (in Faith’s face)  So what's wrong with having a little fun, huh? Taking her down a peg or two? She deserves it. 

Faith looks like she’s about to commit another murder. 

FAITH Fun?  (Amy nods)  She's disappearing. Fading away in that creep, and you think it's fun. 

AMY  It was just a game. It's not my fault if she's losing herself. 

FAITH You have no idea. What it’s like- how hard she’s trying to-

AMY Oh, please. Spare me.  (She tilts her head, watching Faith curiously)  You do care for her quite a bit. I can feel the connection. That could be interesting. 

FAITH  I think we have different versions of interesting. Mine mainly involves you and internal bleeding. 

AMY  (smirks)  Hey, I'm not the bad guy here. But I wonder where he'd be right now? 

Faith launches herself forwards, but in one swift movement Amy tosses powder at her, snaps her fingers and Faith disappears. 

Cut to:

45 EXT. BUFFY'S BACKYARD - DAY 

Faith suddenly finds herself in the backyard of Buffy's house. 

FAITH  (to herself)  Christ, what now? 

Still carrying a handgun, Willow/Warren storms into the backyard through the gate exactly as Warren did the day he shot Buffy and killed Tara. 

WILLOW*/WARREN  Think you can just do that to me? That I'd let you get away with it? 

FAITH  Do? Get away with— 

Warren/Willow points the gun at Faith; Faith freezes, before backing up slowly, calmly.

FAITH (cont.) Easy, let's not get excited. 

WILLOW*/WARREN  (walks closer to Faith)  It's too late for that. This is what I am. I made it happen, and I'll make it stop. I gotta make it stop. 

FAITH  Willow, what did you make happen? 

WILLOW*/WARREN  You were there, bitch! You saw it! 

WILLOW/WARREN*  I killed her. 

FAITH  You mean him? 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Her, him—  (points gun at Faith again)  You know what I mean. 

FAITH  You said her. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  No, no. You’re confusing me. That was Warren.

FAITH  No, it wasn't. You said I was there. Who did you kill, Willow? 

WILLOW/WARREN*  It was your fault, slut! 

WILLOW*/WARREN You tricked me. Got me to forget. 

FAITH Forget what? 

Willow/Warren paces, muttering, swinging the gun around. Faith starts to move closer, slowly and carefully. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault, I didn’t mean to, I’d never mean to, and I shouldn’t feel it, I should only feel that, but I- I didn’t- 

WILLOW*/WARREN She’s gotta know, she has to know, I didn’t mean it, it wasn’t real, I would never do it, I could never forget her- 

It clicks. 

FAITH …Tara. 

Willow/Warren freezes, before pointing the gun at Faith again - close range. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  Shut up! 

WILLOW*/WARREN  (crying)  Shut up! You do not get to say her name. Everyone says her name but nobody means it. And you! Tricking me - making me laugh and- and feel like… like I could be… that I deserve more than…  (looking lost)  I didn't—I didn't mean... what am I saying, I—I can't make—  (pleading)  Faith, I can't hold on... he's winning. 

Faith takes a step towards Willow/Warren. They’re only an arm length away. 

FAITH  No… you’re stronger than that. 

WILLOW/WARREN*  I’m not. I’m not. I’m nothing. 

Her hand shakes holding the gun. Slowly, Faith reaches over and puts her hand over Willow’s. 

FAITH Gimme the gun, Will. Please. You don’t wanna hurt anyone. 

WILLOW*/WARREN I did. 

FAITH Do you wanna hurt me? 

Willow/Warren blinks at her, tears streaming down her face. In a sudden moment of horrifying clarity, Willow/Warren drops the gun and staggers back in shock. 

WILLOW/WARREN* No! God! No, no. 

WILLOW*/WARREN I'm being punished! I- I felt- I was happy. And I thought - just for a second, but it was enough. I let her go. I didn't mean to. 

FAITH  Red, that doesn’t mean th— 

WILLOW*/WARREN  No, she was never gone. She was with me. We should have been forever, and I- (cries)  I let her be dead. She's really dead.  (breaks down into tears)  And I killed her. 

Willow/Warren falls to the ground sobbing. Faith watches in panic, completely out of her depth. 

WILLOW*/WARREN  (looking up to the sky)  Please, baby, I'm so sorry. Come back.

WILLOW/WARREN*  (sobs) I'm sorry. I'm sorry! Come back... 

Faith kneels down beside Willow/Warren 

FAITH Willow, what happened to Tara was not your fault. You don’t have to punish yourself because you felt happy just for a moment. Do you hear me? You are a hell of a powerhouse, and you are doing this magic to yourself. With help from a psycho-bitch. But you are turning yourself into Warren in punishment. You don’t deserve that. 

WILLOW/WARREN* Don’t I? I killed him! I killed him and I wanted to. And I- I feel guilt and regret and I hurt so many people. 

WILLOW*/WARREN But I’m not sorry I killed him. I feel sick and ashamed and dirty but I’m not sorry. I’m a monster. God, I deserve this, I’m a monster-

Faith grabs Willow/Warren by the shoulders. 

FAITH Hey, no. Willow, look at me, will you!? I know something about monsters. I’ve killed a lot of them, and I’ve looked in the mirror and seen one. This guy? Honestly it sounds like the world’s better off without him. And if I was in your position, I’d have done the same thing. I don’t think that makes you a monster. And it’s all complicated, but my prison counsellor said feeling these things is good. Better than not feeling at all. That’s how you know you’re still a person. 

WILLOW/WARREN* But it’s all my fault. I forgot her- I left her- I felt-

FAITH You didn’t kill Tara, you didn’t forget her. 

WILLOW*/WARREN How do you know?! You didn’t know her!

FAITH Yeah, but you did! Didn’t you say Tara was kind and gentle? Do you think she’d want this for you? All this anger and grief and agony? She wouldn’t want this for the love of her life, hell, I doubt she’d want this for anyone. You don’t have to feel like this forever. 

WILLOW/WARREN* But if I don’t- if I don’t- then what’s left? It’s just- so much pain. And she’s gone. She’ll really be gone. 

FAITH It’s gonna hurt. It’s always gonna hurt. But it’s not always gonna hurt this much. And that’s good. It doesn’t mean you’re forgetting her. It just means… you can think of her and smile. Think of, you know, her magic or her laugh or how good of a kisser she was. Sometimes it’ll still hurt like hell, but sometimes you’ll be able to think of her and be happy. 

Willow/Warren hangs on her every word, still crying.

FAITH (cont.) And you know, maybe… you could think of other things and be happy too. Doesn’t have to be dates or girls or anything. Friends, books, spells. Whatever you like. But if you are ever ready for the other stuff, I don’t think your girl would want you to be all sad and alone and-

WILLOW*/WARREN Mopey? 

FAITH Yeah, mopey. No one should be mopey forever. Being happy about things, experiencing life - it’s not a betrayal to her, or her memory. It doesn’t make you love her any less. You deserve to be happy. She’d want you to be happy, Willow.

Warren shifts, slowly fading back into Willow. And at the end of the speech, Willow falls into Faith, wrapping her arms around her as she sobs. Faith is a deer in the headlights, but she tentatively puts an arm around Willow and hugs her back. 

FAITH (cont.) Easy, Red. Good to have you back. 

WILLOW (still sobbing) I’m me? 

FAITH Yep. Told you that you were a powerhouse. 

Willow leans back from the hug, touching her face and wiping at her tears. 

FAITH I meant it, you know. You deserve to be happy. 

WILLOW I don’t know if I do. Deserve it. Or if I can be. 

FAITH S’okay. Take it day at a time. Maybe some counselling.   (Willow raises an eyebrow)  Or meditation. Or gardening. Even punching bags. There’s books n’ stuff on all this. Helped me. Even if you don’t think you deserve to be happy, you deserve more than feeling like this. And definitely more than turning into that. 

WILLOW …Thank you. 

FAITH You’re welcome. Hey, I like… helped. Without punching things. Except for that bitch Amy. But I helped you - with feelings. Right? 

WILLOW Yeah, you did. We should get you your own show, like Oprah. 

FAITH Nah, if I’m going on TV it’s gotta be one of those dating shows where I get to hook up with a bunch of people. 

Willow laughs tiredly.

FAITH (cont.) You okay? 

WILLOW I have no idea. Are you?

FAITH Five-by-five.

They both stand.

WILLOW I’m so tired.

Faith supports Willow and walks her into the house. 

FAITH Just a regular night in Sunnydale. I'll make you some tea. 

Cut to: 

Closing credits.

[bratz-kitten]

attack on titan characters - birth chart analysis 🌙

Here is my take on the big 6 of Levi, Eren, Armin and Mikasa of attack on titan/shingeki no kyojin! I kept their sun signs since we know the day and month of their birthday and since I think they’re absolutely perfect. If you want me to do my take on the others (like Jean, Historia, Erwin, Hanji, Connie, Sasha, Reiner, etc) please let me know! (spoiler warning!)

Levi Ackerman

sun in capricorn - levi mf ackerman is fuelled by three things and three things only: LOYALTY, a strong moral code and power. he is seen by most people as a heartless, unemotional bastard but is canonically the most emotional character - he shows love through very indirect ways and he’s the peak of capricorn in the sense that he represses his emotions – he smiled literally ONE time in four seasons, and didn’t once shed a tear. he’s very hard to read. has a lot of respect for his superiors and follows the orders of only those he’s loyal to. he’s driven by his moral codes in the sense that the protection of humanity is his prime motive for fighting titans. like a true capricorn, is the master of his field of work and cares the most about being a survey corp member. please protect this tragic baby. 

virgo rising - two words: CLEAN FREAK. this man has a strong need to be presentable at all times and hates getting blood on his hands for the single fact that he needs himself and his environment to be clean. his obsession with being clean is very much due to his childhood trauma and how he lived in in poor conditions in the underground. he has many quirks that correlate with this: the way he holds his cup, the carvat he uses bc of his mother, and the way he always cuts his own hair because that’s the way his mother used to do it.  intimidating and demands respect. DRY HUMOUR. 

moon in scorpio - i think he has many similarities with mikasa, especially in the moon and venus. introverted and hates people but will go to the ends of the earth to protect the ones he loves and respects. represses emotions and internalizes his hatred until he has a mental breakdown - which happens in the form of extreme violence. VERY sensitive and emotional even if he doesn’t show it. he’s very intuitive and often acts based on gut; he’s secretive and vindictive. very wise and great at giving advice. doesn’t let himself get manipulated and uses shitty situations to his advantage (like with the reeves company). trust is the most important thing to him.

mercury in aquarius - levi is extremely logical, and hates when others involve their feelings in the making of decisions. his decisions are always backed up by strong arguments and others often see him as cold and detached. i saw someone  mention something extremely interesting about aquarius mercury’s/people with their mercuries in the 11th house: despite not being very sociable, others are drawn to them for friendships – and often they’re the introverts who get “adopted” by extroverts. this is 100% levi’s case, hanji and erwin practically adopted him. being very vulgar with his words and having a distinctive sense of humour, he’s very humanitarian and is actually really talkative but only when he’s very comfortable around someone. blunt, always tells it like it is – like when he tells eren he can’t know what the right choice really is and he needs to choose it himself. teases and insults his friends as a form of affection.

mars in scorpio - levi’s a fighter, a survivor. he knows what it’s like to come from nothing and have to build himself up. very confrontational. reclaims his power by exerting intimidation and mastering violence. others fear doing as much as make a joke at his expense. understands other’s motivations and characters very easily. he’s very intuitive. very serious due to his need for having an intense and demanding presence, for being respected and valued. he’s the one who everyone sighs of relief when things go to shit and he appears because you know he’s the strongest and most dependable person.

venus in capricorn - good luck getting this motherfucker to open up. his trust is very hard to gain but is necessary for working with him – he places his full trust in his comrades and demands the same from them. very work-oriented and takes relationships very serious; it’s really telling that he cares little for romance because capricorn venuses are the ones to date to marry, and will only devote themselves to someone once they believe they’ve met the one. they either want a more powerful and mature partner or they exude that energy (levi is the latter). slightly parental – we see this in the way that levi is pretty much the dad figure. it’s called squad levi for a reason, after all. very responsible. takes care of loved ones and often uses tough love as a form of discipline.

Eren Jaeger - im not even kidding with this one, he has extreme aries energy

sun in aries - eren feels the need to be very independent and he hates whenever he has to depend on mikasa and others, wanting to be strong enough to reverse the roles. he’s very self-confident, bold and direct. very impulsive, he’s quick to anger but is also very quick to forget - especially seen with his arguments with jean, fighting him is basically a love language at this point. aries suns are very fast thinkers and their strong energy may come off as intimidating. they have great intentions but that often becomes muddled with their impulsivity and the fact that they don’t think ideas through. eren is unabashedly himself and fights relentlessly for what he wants. his aries energy also makes him extremely motivated! he believes in the impossible and will make it happen no matter what.

aries rising – aries risings are the trailblazers. they ooze intensity. eren has very much a baby face and, due to his impulsivity and childish charm, people tend to baby him a lot – in the sense that he’s this kid surrounded by adults who needs supervision at all times or he’ll get into deep shit. aries risings are also marked by their extreme need for action, they’re the ones to do now and apologize later instead of asking for permission to do something in the first place. he is guided by his passion and is a natural leader who inspires everyone to fight alongside him. aries risings have a lot of energy which they need to express in a physical way, making them be prone to be very athletic and lead very active lives. he’s also extremely competitive and is driven by the force of becoming stronger than mikasa, and often feels angry when he realizes how stronger than him other people can be. at the same time, this pressure to be better is put solely on himself. he’s a dumbass with a good-heart and pure intentions.

moon in sagittarius – all this motherfucker talks about is freedom and seeing the world past the walls. he craves adventure and is extremely optimistic. but even if a sagittarius moon needs their freedom, they are still absolutely ride-or-dies and once they’ve commited to something, NOTHING or NO ONE can stop their determination. these are also the people to try their best to always appear cheerful and full of determination to hide their sad façade – like when he was nearly vomiting when talking about the titans to the other recruits when they began the training in the military but still forced himself to say that the titans aren’t scary at all and that they aren’t a big deal; he naturally inspires others and fills them with courage. but the way they put on this strong and brave façade leads to a strong emotional turmoil, violent urges and a sudden hostility to others. they are filled with surpressed anger that can lead them through very destructive paths – and the happy-go-lucky child might just lose her hope. we see this in eren in the most heartbreaking way.

mercury in aries – LOUD!!! eren speaks what’s on his mind with NO hesitation whatsover. he’s very quick to defend his friends and points of view, and speaks openly about his passions and dreams. he’s very assertive and tenacious. short attention span and not afraid to give a different opinion from someone else’s. very passionate about what he argues about. very expressive and when an aries mercury disagrees with you, you’ll know it immediately by their facial expression. confident and thrives on inspiring others. remember him being mad when it was discovered the possibility of all titans being humans because now he didn’t know who the enemy is and he NEEDS to hate someone and blame them in order to keep going? ARIES MERCURY ENERGY!!

mars in aries - people look to mars in aries to lead them. they’re full of energy and dynamic, and very athletic - eren exceeds at hand-to-hand combat and, in the other subjects where he’s not so good, his determination makes him push forward and become better. VERY hot-headed and confrontational, which is both the source of all their problems and their strength - they are not afraid of going after what they want and are willing to go through any obstacle to do so, and they’re also not afraid of upsetting other people in order to do so. eren is courageous, loves to take initiative and is very enthusiastic - something that is very contageous. competitive and hates compromise, he likes getting his own way. aries mars are also very individualistic and can have a huge ego.

venus in pisces - i know this is going to confuse a lot of people - like, how does he have so much aries energy, how is he so intense yet has one of the softest venus placements? i deeply believe he’s a pisces venus, and here’s why. his friends are EVERYTHING to him. pisces venus’ love very deeply and are very dependent on their loved ones, and eren is extremely protective of his loved ones and is willing to do anything to protect them. pisces venus’ are very vengeful, too, something that people seem to brush off about them - they might not do anything when you mess with them but as soon as you mess with their friends it’s game over. i also get a lot of “there was no other way, the word had to be fixed” vibes from this placement? like, this placement gives me the energy of someone willing to commit awful crimes under the excuse of it being for the greater good, which is something he dramatically experiences as he grows older and witnesses the cruelty of the world.

Armin Arlert

sun in scorpio - armin very resourceful!! he easily adapts to the circunstances he’s in and works his way around it. very intelligent and with great memory. extremely manipulative, cunning and perceptive. scorpios are known for their capability to be great investigators due to their natural curiosity, and armin has this deep need to see the world outside of the walls and he studies all there is to know about it with great passion. determined to succeed. 

cancer rising - armin just wants to achieve his dream and it’s so soft. cancer risings are very receptive of other’s emotions and incredibly sensitive, but it’s difficult for them to open up to others. his appearance is very soft and delicate. loves to help others and has a naturally warm presence that makes others feel comfortable in his presence. give off a very grounded and stable energy, but this is often because they try to hide their most intense emotions and don’t know how to deal with them/don’t want to bother others by opening up about it. 

moon in pisces - one word: EMPATHY!!! very compassionate. tendency to become a martyr and be very self-sacrificial. VERY imaginative, he is the strategist, after all. can feel others emotions and read them very easily. avoids confrontation but feels a strong need to take the weight off of others’ shoulders and to solve all their problems. very loving and giving, in tune with his emotions and emotionally intelligent. on the other side, this caring side of him can make him see other people through rose-colored glasses, and he is prone to believing in the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt. but when they’ve proven their true nature to him, he’ll see them for what they are and will no longer defend them, even if still feeling remorse. notice how he’s always like “this had to be done, we had no other choice” to justify his actions.

mercury in scorpio - bro armin’s eyes are so intense. when he gets on his manipulative bullshit it’s IMPOSSIBLE to look away from his gaze. he practically communicates through the eyes. armin is very sharp and his innocent appearance has everyone still thinking of him as a sweet angel as if he isn’t a whole war criminal. he easily psychoanalizes others to know what they want and uses it to his advantage, like how he used berthold’s love for annie to manipulate him to let eren go after him and reiner kidnapped him. scorpio mercuries be knowing shit, they be knowing everyone’s secrets and others usually confide in them as if they’re their therapists. 

mars in pisces - mars in pisces makes a person avoid physical confrontation at all costs. notice how armin’s first response to everyone wanting to kill reiner and bertold/the marleyans was “please let’s just talk about this first”? he hates violence and deems it not worthy most times. he is very physically weak and aware of his limitations, unlike eren and levi, whose first instinct is to use violence in order to get what they want. no, armin has developed a much more subtle and effective way to get what he wants without using violence: emotional manipulation. he is the KING of appearing innocent and naïve and having people feel bad for him and want to baby him and protect him, and due to his extremely intuitive nature, he knows EXACTLY what to say to someone to get under their skin. he twists his words and emotions to get what he needs out of people and it’s both incredible and dangerous. also, very self-sacrifical and his goals are based on his emotions.

venus in cancer - he loves so much and it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking. he gives everything to the ones he loves and thrives off of being helpful and keeping everyone safe. reads a lot into the behaviour of the people he loves. very emotionally intelligent, wants stability and to maintain peace and may bend over backwords to achieve that. needs to feel understood and has a soft spot for troubled people, those who are more demanding and assertive (eren and mikasa), people he can take care of and who can take care of him in return. very affectionate and communicative. warm presence, you can pretty much feel the love radiating out of him. 

Mikasa Ackerman 

sun in aquarius - if you get past the emotional walls of an aquarius that has them appearing detached and distant because they’d rather use intelligence than seem emotional, you’ll be met with an incredibly soft, loving and caring person. an aquarius strength is their ability to be very unique, individualistic and humanitarian individuals - they truly march to the beat of their own drum. mikasa possesses a great deal of determination and isn’t afraid of being rebellious, especially when her loved ones are in danger. 

capricorn rising - people with capricorn rising had to learn to be very independent from a very young age. mikasa is very intimidating but she has a very doll-like beauty, common to many capricorn risings. these people have had to deal with a lot ever since childhood, but they are fighters and their determination has them being able to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against them. capricorn risings tend to be serious and disciplined, and with a melancholic aura to them – which mikasa perfectly embodies. but the fact that these people have cancer in their descendant makes them strongly emotionally attached to their loved ones.

aquarius moon - even under the most stressful and dangerous situations, mikasa always remains in control of her emotions. she thrives in those situations, it’s the adrenaline of the moment that has her being so good at controlling her emotions until it’s safe to be anything but racional again. aquarius moons are feel very misunderstood and tend to racionalize their emotions a lot. however, it’s only due to their fear of vulnerability that they build this emotional walls, because they experience very intense emotions. i always think about that survey corp member saying “what did you have to go through for you to be like this?” when she was perfectly stable in a life-or-death situation. 

mercury in capricorn - mikasa is incredibly action-oriented and she speaks in a structured but confident way. although she’s on the quieter side and is reserved, she’s able to inspire everyone when all hope seems lost, and she’s taken up eren’s words of “if we don’t fight, we can’t win” and uses it constantly in order to keep going. she’s very hard to read due to her usually expressionless face, giving her a mysterious aura. she’s very ambitious, persuasive and determined. 

mars in capricorn - when people say that mars in capricorn people are the scariest when they’re angry, they’re not wrong. they act so calm and collected until suddenly they’re fixing you with a death glare and you’re rethinking all your life choices up until this point. mikasa might be extremely rational and calm, but as soon as someone threatens the ones she loves, she’ll stop at nothing to eliminate the threat. it’s like she fears nothing but ever being unable not to save them. she’s very responsible and reliable, with a lot of physical strength and stamina. very PROTECTIVE, grounded and GIVING 

venus in virgo - this is one of the things that makes mikasa so similar to levi, the way they love. this bitch is LOYAL to her very core. she knows very well where her loyalties are - eren and armin - and is ready to kill all her close friends and superiors in order to protect them. she threatened to kill historia if she got in the way of getting eren back home safely, jumped levi on sight when he wanted to save erwin instead of armin, and got pissed at connie for doubting eren’s intentions after the whole marleyan ordeal. acts of service are very much her love language - she constantly picks up eren’s and armin’s stuff and carries it herself or orders them to rest while she works. it’s very hard to gain her trust and loyalty but once you do it’s forever, she’s very selective about the people she cares for. she’s possessive, too - giving historia the coldest death glare in the world when she saw her with eren. i’ve also noticed that venus in virgo are very difficult to declare their emotions!! they’ll just wait for the person to notice their indirect acts of affection. very attentive to the needs and details of loved ones.  

[oh-hush-its-perfect]

Alex Fierro's Introduction Full Breakdown

Okokok so. This is going to go full English-professor mode, where I'm drawing conclusions that are gonna seem a little far-fetched. That's what's fun about media analysis! I can say something is a symbol, and even if I don't have enough faith in RR's competency to know if he meant for it to be a symbol, it's still true! That being said, a lot of these choices I'm sure are intentional, either at a literal or subliminal level. Page numbers are going to be used not to assert a kind of authority or whatever— this is a Tumblr post, not an essay— but to help readers find the pages I'm referencing in case they'd like to do some digging of their own. Also, this is going to be really long. Really sorry to anyone with ADHD; I might make an audiofile of this so you can get the information without having to read the whole thing. With all that, let's get into it!

To kick off, let's talk about Alex being in the form of a cheetah when she first meets Magnus. Of course, there's the obvious impact of him seeing her but only so breifly, as well as introducing the conflict between her and the rest of Hall 19. But that could have easily been accomplished by almost any animal. The choice of a cheetah being implicated implies two qualities of Alex that will be recurrent throughout the two books she's in: 1. She has a tendency to run away, as we'll later learn when she describes how she became homeless, and 2. To Magnus, she's elusive. She can't be caught or held down. The event that shows this so transparently is how Alex refuses to define their relationship at the end of the series, despite it clearly surpassing the normal bounds of friendship.

But the cheetah isn't the animal Alex is in the form of when Magnus first gets a good look at her; she's a weasel. Weasel's bring up all kinds of connotations: ferocity, slickness, a lack of charm. When we want to describe someone as an untrustworthy person, we call them a weasel. RR had Alex take this form to play up her comrades' feeling of distrust towards her. She could be a double-crosser. But paradoxically, the up-front and vicious mannerisms of a weasel also have a transperency. She does not try appealing to her Hallmate's sense of goodwill because she doesn't have anything to gain from it. So even though there is the implication that she might be an antagonist, there's also evidence from her actions and mannerisms that she isn't. The weasel's long and skinny frame also allow for a smooth transition into Alex's actual body, which is convenient.

As Alex transforms into her usual human form, Magnus describes her as "a regular human teen, long and lanky, with a swirl of dyed green hair, black at the roots, like a plug of weeds pulled out of a lawn" (pg. 50). That simile at the end is of particular interest. Let's compare it to another time Magnus describes Alex's hair, in Ship of the Dead: "Her hair had started to grow out, the black roots making her look even more imposing, like a lion with a healthy mane" (pg. 136). By contrasting these two different examples, we can see the development of Magnus and Alex's relationship. The first time he sees her, he thinks of her hair as something nasty— note the word choice "weeds." Later on, though, he becomes more affectionate towards her, more complentary. The immedient negative reaction is less his actual impression, though, and more the reaction he expected to have based on everyone else's reaction to Alex.

Her clothes are equally as interesting; as Magnus describes it, Alex wears "battered rose high-tops, skinny lime green corduroy pants, a pink-and-green argyle sweater-vest over a white tee, and another pink cashmere sweather wrapped around the waist like a kilt" (pg. 50). Aside from the obvious fact that this outfit is a) bizzare, b) fire, and c) Alex's signature colors, which add a layer of style to what can otherwise be a somewhat boring series fashion-wise (excuse me, Blitz), the outfit reveals a crucial facet of Alex's backstory in a kind of subtle way. These are expensive clothes, like the Stella McCartney dress in Alex's room. Note the mention of fabrics (corduroy, cashmere) and patterns (argyle). These indicate wealth and status. Even the high-tops; shoes like that don't come cheap. But I'd like to return to the very first word of the section: "battered." Alex's wardrobe show-cases a proximity to wealth, but also shows that that proximity has been strained and lengthened, maybe for an extended period of time. Alex dresses like a rich person, but she isn't one. Least, not anymore.

The last word of that outfit-introduction is also of interest: "kilt." At the current moment, Magnus thinks that Alex is male. No one has indicated otherwise to him. Everyone has been referring to Alex with he/him pronouns. Samirah called Alex her "brother" (pg. 29). His first thought in seeing what he at first perceives as a guy with a jacket wrapped around the waist is That looks like a kilt. This thought tells us about Magnus: despite being open and accepting, he still has some lingering notions of gender conformity from his years in wider American society.

Magnus also indicates that the outfit "reminded me of a jester's motley, or the coloration of a venomous animal warning the whole world" (pg. 50). This is rather self-explanatory, but it's still worth noting that Magnus sees the outfit as something bizzare, strange, and even perhaps comical. This places Alex at odds with the other people Magnus has met. It also reveals that Magnus has zero fashion sense. But we already knew that.

After finishing up staring at the ensemble, Magnus finally gets around to actually looking Alex in the face. First Magnus says that he "forgot how to breathe" (pg. 50), which, yeah, relatable. This is justifed by saying that Alex has the same face as Loki, but the very same sentence that asserts that that's the case also suggests an alternative reason: Alex has "the same unearthly beauty" as her father. Here we can see the beginnings of Magnus's attraction to Alex, though at this point, he still has a lot of internalized homophobia. Though there's certainly some truth in that Magnus was unnerved by Alex's resemblance to Loki, the idea that Magnus pointed out that Alex was pretty without elaborating on that thought until about a chapter later— after he was informed that Alex was presently a girl— can tell us a lot about how Magnus perceives sex and beauty.

Of course, Alex's eyes are given special attention. She has cool eyes; what can I say? But I'd like to focus in on how Magnus here depicts Alex's heterochromia as "completely unnerving" (pg. 50). Again, let's contrast this with how he describes them after getting to know Alex a little better in Ship of the Dead. In Chapter 3, Magnus describes "[Alex's] dark brown eye and his amber eye like mismatched moons cresting the horizon" (pg. 25). Once again, this shows the development of their relationship— but this time, it's in a much more personal way. Eyes are the windows to the soul; they are culturally important and biologically important in inter-personal connections. In you look into someone's eyes, you're giving them your full attention, and you're implying a kind of closeness. The way that Magnus describes Alex's eyes in the second passage is downright intimate. At this point, he is in love with Alex, and it is clear when contrasting the two descriptions.

As my last point, I'd like to discuss Alex's first words on page: "'Point that rifle somewhere else, or I will wrap it around your neck like a bow tie'" (pg. 51). First of all, Alex saying this with a "perfect white smile" (pg. 51) on his face implies that she is used to being threatened. She is not afraid of being shot; she counters the promise of an attack with a promise of her own. This pleads the question: why is Alex accustomed to violence? What events of her past or qualities of her life have brought her to this point? The threat itself reveals Alex's trauma from being genderfluid in a society with rigid gender norms, as well as her antagonistic relationship with her father. Magnus makes a comment that Alex "might actually know how to tie a bow tie, which was kind scary arcane knowledge" (pg. 51). Like Alex's wardrobe, the idea that she may have experience in high-class fashion also implies her former status as a rich kid.

I could go on. I could break apart Alex saying "'Pleased to meet you all, I guess'" (pg. 51). There is a wealth of information in this short page span that tells us things about Alex Fierro in the present moment, quietly demonstrates things about her past, and characterizes the narrator Magnus Chase. This passage is also effective in hindsight in marking the progress of Magnus and Alex's relationship.

But I'd like to take a step back and look at not the pieces, but the whole picture. Alex Fierro gets a full page of pure description— her outfit, her face— and about a chapter of introduction. This comes after several chapters of build-up. Alex Fierro is an important character you need to keep your eyes on. Alex Fierro is emotionally significant to the main character, Magnus Chase. Alex Fierro is one of the most developed and well-rounded characters that Rick Riordan has ever written— heck, she's one of the best characters in middle-grade books period. The extended emphasis on her and her alone tells us exactly what role she's going to play in this story: she's the star.

[tuiyla]

what do you think Quinn and Judy's relationship is like post s1? like, we know Judy wasn't the greatest mom during the pregnancy, but how do you think it progressed along the years? the popular assumption in fics seems to be that Judy becomes distant and spends more time drunk than sober, but also the slight mentions/appearances she has in the show s2 and beyond seem to imply that she and Quinn are in a good place - or, at least better than s1, but idk if that’s saying much hahah.

i also just wonder about it in terms of Quinn’s sexuality; i.e. if she ended up w a woman, i’m curious as to how Judy would react. i’m torn between her reverting back to the image-obsessed woman she was in s1 or her being supportive bc she just doesnt wanna lose her daughter again. would love to hear your thoughts, if you have any. thanks for all of these great fandom analyses!! :)

I love you Anon because a couple weeks back I misread another Quinn ask and went on and on about the Fabrays before I realized it said "what do you think of Quinn as a mom". Now's my chance! I mean I could have just posted anyway but have you guys considered that I have no will to write unless someone specifically asks me lol. Buckle up, this is gonna be a long one.

TL;DR: somewhat strained but Judy tries her best despite having so many harmful things to unlearn herself, and needing to learn how to communicate. Quinn holds resentment but they’re both terrified of losing each other. Eventually, when Quinn comes out, Judy uses it as an opportunity to get it right this time.

I've alluded to this to a few times but never actually explained it: I have a morbid fascination with the Fabrays. in the sense that I find what little of their dynamic we see to be deeply disturbing but I also want to know so much more. Russell is a whole other deal and I'll respect that you didn't ask about him haha but even if we just look at Quinn and Judy, like... how do we reconcile the events of season 1? Where to go from there? Truly Glee puts through Quinn so, so, so much in season 1 and then is it any wonder that she has several breakdowns. So this prologue to say, yes I have thoughts and I'm honoured to have been thought of. Also very happy to provide fandom analysis whenever I can!

Just a few words on how I see the Fabrays before Quinn's pregnancy to set it up. We all know they're WASPy but you guys, you need to know how much I read into the extent of that! Based on "Ballad" they might as well be living in the 60s or something. Russell isn't just traditional, he's so ultra it's really no wonder Quinn eventually had a skank phase. I can only assume Frannie had a mental breakdown or two after leaving her childhood home. Quinn even says in that episode that they don't talk about real issues, just ignore them and keep up this facade. Explains much about her, doesn't it. It's all very WASP, very patriarchal, very bad at communication. They don't deal, they pretend. Russell pretends they live in the 60s and Quinn is his perfect little girl who'll wait until marriage like the object she is. Judy pretends she hadn't known all along that her husband was cheating. There's just such a need to uphold this facade of the All-American nuclear family to an extreme that no wonder it takes Quinn several cycles to get over buying into the illusion.

I knew fanon saw Judy as a drunk but I wasn't aware she was portrayed as distant in fics. I agree with you, what little we see of her in seasons 2 and 3 implies that she's at least trying with Quinn. Even in "Ballad" when Russell kicks her out, you see how shocked Judy is. She follows Russell out and acts like the dead-inside obedient housewife she is, but for a split moment you hope that she's gonna stand up to her husband. Because she'd been ignoring the signs that Quinn's pregnant, pretending, and that was because she knew there'd be drastic consequences but she clearly is shocked.

And then a couple months later she comes back for Quinn. It took her that long to see Russell for who he is, to stand up to him, and it sucks that it took so long but I think it must have taken tremendous willpower to reach that stage. I mean, can you imagine being her? Not to say I'm cutting the woman who stood by as her teenage pregnant daughter was disowned too much slack, but still, you know.

So Judy is always going to be the parent who ultimately chose Quinn; the one who came back. But she's also always going to be the one who left in the first place. And I think you're so right to wonder about this Anon because there's just such an interesting story there. Yes, Judy came back, but she also watched her daughter sob and beg and say "I needed my mom" and just... left. How do you live with yourself after that? Not to mention, she came back but she left Quinn to live with random boys and eventually the angel on Earth called Mercedes Jones for months.

So I think, initially, there’s lot of awkwardness but also joy. Quinn’s been through so much and she has her mom again just as she gives up her own daughter. A roller coaster to say the least but finally something resembling stability for the first time in ages. 9 months. And then... they pretend. The nights Quinn spent crying herself to sleep and wishing her mom still loved her are the elephant in the room. They’re not the same and never will be but try to go back to normality. I doubt they talk about Russell often. Maybe after Judy’s had a few drinks she curses him but Quinn keeps a tight lip about him.

The way I’d put it is maybe not they’re in a good place, as such, but Judy tries. I don’t agree with fics that portray her as distant because, while I do think she struggles to get close to Quinn and get her to open up, she tries. Remember, she left but she also came back. And I’d be surprised if she didn’t carry tremendous guilt about that so she might not always succeed, certainly not in s2 when Quinn is laser-focused on pretending the pregnancy never happened, but she tries to be a good mother.

The skank phase would be fascinating to explore. Because I think it’s once again a real tragedy where Judy would watch her daughter break down and completely unravel and just, not know what to do about it. She’d smile and ask Quinn about her day still but it’s hard to keep pretenses when you’re teenage daughter gets tattoos and dates 40-year-old skateboarders. She’d try to talk it through but Quinn would shut her out and I don’t think she’d feel it’s her right to act all strict now. For some reason, I think Judy would feel it best to let Quinn rebel. But how much would she know about freaking baby-stealing shenanigans? Nothing, I assume.

And then Quinn finds herself, her more normal self again and I’d like to imagine they finally have a good talk just as she applies to Yale. Maybe an emotional breakthrough? God, for both their sakes I hope so. But here’s the thing, try as Judy might and ignore it for as long as Quinn can, I think there’s resentment there. Because Quinn was abandoned by her parents, by her mom when she needed her the most and that’s a scar that maybe nothing can heal. So she represses, as a Fabray does until it explodes, and I guess it would during the skank timeline. Maybe after Shelby leaves and Quinn is left standing there trying to process everything.

Judy is also the parent who came back and therefore the on who’s there. So when it all comes out, Quinn can’t exactly blame Russell for all of it. I mean this is just textbook lashing out at the parent who’s there so I assume Quinn would be no different. And it’s not like Judy’s blameless so there are many harsh words thrown, most of them true to some capacity, lots of tears and a big emotional catharsis. Judy tells her she’s sorry. Quinn says she feels robbed. Of a childhood, of a sense of peace, of a family. And Judy can’t ever get back what was lost. And hey, maybe watching her own mom fall apart at that realization helps Quinn move on from the Shelby business. Not from Beth, never completely, but from feeling like she needs her to be complete. Imagine how cool it would have been to actually see Quinn deal with all her shit during and post her skank phase. Alas, the writers didn’t care.

But yes, I see Judy as trying but frankly failing throughout season 2 and then the end of the skank phase brings catharsis for both. Quinn gets back on track but with more of a sense of agency. Judy cheers her on during graduation as seen in canon. Quinn’s college attempts at the old status quo, namely screwing her professor and then Biff are really a whole other topic but I think she’d try to distance herself from Lima and her mom. They do keep in touch of course but it’s quite superficial. For her sake, I hope Judy gets her shit together for real in the meantime. That woman has a ton of harmful shit to unlearn from her marriage and she’s barely holding it together.

So now that I’ve gone on and on about all that, I do also want to talk about Quinn’s coming out because I haven’t thought of it much but you’re absolutely right that it’s an interesting topic. Maybe it’s the optimist in me who just doesn’t want to see Quinn suffer but at worst I see Judy being kind of uncomfortable at the thought but again, trying her best. She’s already lost her daughter once and in my mind, Quinn takes a while to come to terms with whatever her identity is - which is okay! Realistically, I think she’d bring a girlfriend home one day, they’d have dinner, Judy would be charmed by the GF but visibly... off. Perfectly civil, just processing. And then they have The Talk and Quinn feels like throwing up because a decade prior a “shameful secret” got her disowned.

Judy does what Judy’s been doing for a decade and tries her best. It’s a bit of a shock but then again, something she’s known for a while but pretended not to. Sound familiar? Except she’s had time to learn and grow and is determined to look at this as a second chance. She’s not about to lose her daughter again and risk it being for good this time so she’s all in. Bit overeager, even, tries to learn slang and all that. And Quinn shake her head but she also lowkey cries herself to sleep, except this time it’s because she’s not afraid anymore and learns that she can have a family after all. GF holds her through the night because GF is finally someone who truly knows and loves Quinn for all she is.

Aaand those are the thoughts, for now! Thank you for indulging me Anon, thank you for taking the time to read my silly little Glee thoughts and to ask me for more. Hope you didn’t regret it lol.

[st-louis]

a list of hockey podcasts

i spend... a lot of time reading about, listening to, and learning about hockey and i thought maybe you guys might be interested in the podcasts i follow. i don’t always listen to every episode of every show, but they’re things i have in my subscriptions and listen to frequently.

i’m going to end up having to put this under a cut because it’s getting really long.

general podcasts

the hockey pdocast - without a doubt my favorite general hockey podcast. dimitri filipovic is a stats guy who writes for eprinkside, and his analytic cast definitely shines through in the way he handles the topics. i like the variety of deep dives he does and i always feel like i come away from listening with better understanding of the topic because he doesn’t just talk stats, but gives you context for why those numbers might be the way they are, so if you’re trying to become more familiar with advanced stats this a great one to listen to. also his voice is just so soothing. absolutely my favorite car show.

the athletic hockey show - it’s frequent, long, and informative, but there are different hosts depending on the day and i definitely enjoy listening to some of them more than others (i like ian and hailey a lot, i enjoy the seans, craig and pierre know what they’re talking about but hoo boy i do not enjoy their episodes so much).

staff & graph - they are definitely leafs homers and some of their takes really annoy me especially because they purport to be analysis based and then like... will come out with something that’s not really an analysis so much as it’s, you’re a leafs fan and that’s your opinion, but for the most part i do enjoy it. doerrie is a former front office employee of the devils and she has a lot of very interesting inside knowledge and knowledge based on actually working closely with hockey teams. she still has connections so if you’re interested in ‘sources,’ she usually has good info and stories. again, usually come away feeling like i learned something.

soul on ice - kwame damon mason (film director and hockey fan), akil thomas (kings prospect), elijah roberts (formerly of the niagra ice dogs, currently playing college hockey) hang out and talk hockey and interview guests. they’re all really likeable dudes and have a lot of interviews with players of color and other interesting topics (taya currie!). a solid listen from both a fan and player perspective, for example it was cool to hear akil talking about his experiences during the covid season.

the cross-check nhl show - decent general hockey talk show. andrew berkshire is a habs writer and mary clarke is a general hockey writer but a flyers fan (a show made for me, haha). they’re likeable and have good opinions on social justice related issues within hockey. they cover major stories around the league, discuss their personal teams, and also do a little pop culture segment at the end that i usually skip.

hockey central - unfortunately this is like the epitome of a hockey man podcast (as in, it is literally all hockey men). they come from a variety of backgrounds, including players and coaches, and generally the actual hockey talk is good, even if they get on my nerves sometimes. if you want to know what the average player/former player is thinking this is a pretty good one. and they update a lot.

31 thoughts - jeff marek (also of the hockey central pod) and elliotte friedman talk hockey. if you’re looking for “insider” info this is one of those you’re gonna want to listen to. a bit wishy washy when it comes to stuff like the hawks scandals.

behind the gear - this is an interesting one, because they interview a lot of “lesser known” personalities but it’s always a pretty solid interview. again, i don’t listen to every interview but if there’s a guest that looks interesting, i’ll mark it for later. they have a bunch of interviews with nick and ryan suzuki so that was a personal interest of mine, haha.

puck soup - i almost never listen to this one because it’s too long (like episodes upwards of 100 minutes) and i really don’t like wyshynski as a person. but i do appreciate sean mcindoe. usually only tune in if there’s a topic i’m interested in.

6 degrees with mike mckenna - mike mckenna (former journeyman goalie and flyers goalie of the Eight Goalie Year and former vgk broadcast)’s interview / general hockey show. he’s very personable and a good interviewer.

the press zone - a show mostly focused on prospects, whether that’s in major juniors, the ahl, european leagues, etc. it’s a deeper dive into an area that a lot of the other shows don’t necessarily get to, so i appreciate it.

the hockey think tank - another ‘smaller’ podcast with some interesting and unexpected interviews. again, don’t listen to it all the time but it’s worth a shot if they have a topic you like.

the full 60 - craig custance’s solo show. another “insider.”

missin curfew - i usually only listen to this one if they have a guest i’m interested in because this is also a very bad example of hockey men hanging out and talking and you want to strangle them mostly. it’s two other dudes and kevin hayes’ older brother so you can pretty much expect exactly what you are getting from them.

the broadscast - wish there were more female hockey podcast hosts, but this one is a good one. i like the variety of guests that they have on. i don’t listen to it every episode but will tune in if there’s a topic i like.

flyers-related podcasts

broad street radio - i have such a hate/hate relationship with this one. it’s like the flyers podcast but i hate most of the hosts. i listen mostly for charlie o’connor, who is the only one who can reign in their terrible opinions.

flyers daily - daily news about the flyers, game recaps, and interviews with players. usually short and no-frills episodes, which i appreciate. myrtetus also plays goalie in beer league so he has a player’s perspective, at least, from that level.

flyers talk - nbc’s podcast with jordan hall, taryn hatcher, and joe fordyce. pretty basic talk show from a beat reporter, a former broadcast, and a guy named joe. again fairly no frills, do not always agree with them, but decent enough information.

everything but hockey - andrea helfrich, the most beautiful woman in the world’s, podcast. she does interviews with a lot of people who work with the team in some capacity (for example, nyree, the nutritionist) are associated with the team (she is great with interviewing wives and girlfriends), and the players themselves. she is super charming and good at talking to people so the episodes are usually fun to listen to.

snow the goalie - two flyers beat reporters i dislike but who nevertheless sometimes have The Info.

locked-on flyers - i haven’t actually listened to this much yet but i like locked-on habs a lot and i’m gonna have to give it a chance.

nasty knuckles - this is a podcast i absolutely suffer through. settlemyre is so fucking annoying and maybe the worst interviewer i’ve ever heard. however, if you are interested in the flyers, he has the goods. riley cote is also here. i have to get back to actually transcribing these again because really you don’t want to listen to them.

habs-related podcasts

le support athlétique - arpon and marc antoine from the athletic talk the habs. alternating episodes in french and english, which is frustrating when they are talking in french about something i want to listen to, but i think it’s cool that they provide for the entirety of the fanbase. they are fascinating to listen to, and obviously good friends. i enjoy their insights about the players and coaches.

eyes on the prize - one of my favorites. good hosts, great variety of topics, including interviews with european prospects that you don’t always hear from. it’s also an sbnation podcast but i like it so much better than i like bsh.

habs-statician - statistically-based habs analysis from a fan in toronto. dylan is a really thoughtful podcaster, and i appreciate listening to him very much. 

locked-on canadiens - another daily listen. laura and scott continue the theme of the habs podcasts i enjoy which is mostly that they are really reasonable about their view of the team. they criticize when players aren’t doing well, but not in a mean way, and they praise the players who are doing well. i like the daily analysis and breakdown of the news mixed in with sillier segments like who would play the habs in a movie.

habs tonight - former hab and flyer dale weise and a rotating cast of co-hosts discuss habs related topics. i was skeptical at first because i thought it might be gossipy, but it’s actually not that bad. the hockey talk from a former player is all like “wow, that makes so much sense” when you hear it (the episode where weise talks about joël bouchard, in the first negative thing i’d ever heard about him, is one that i am specifically thinking of here). he’s also good at interviewing his former teammates, you can tell they are at ease with him.

history in the making - national treasure marc dumont interviews habs prospects and other people associated with the team. he is so funny and charming and knowledgeable about hockey, it is always worth a listen.

habby hour - i don’t really enjoy these hosts but i will listen if they’re interviewing someone i’m interested in.

other teams-related podcasts that i listen to

steve dangle - i will admit i mostly started listening to this one as schadenfreude, but for the most part i enjoy it. i don’t really like the co-hosts but i do enjoy how absolutely fed up he is with the leafs. :) but on a more serious note, they do some good work, i was very impressed with their recent episode interviewing rick westhead about his work on the chicago coverups.

[lostsoulaltair]

OnS Theories (23S). First Theory and Analsys - Urd and Rigr. The past and the future. Forgotten Present

Hello everyone, after so long, I welcome you to a new theory, I must say that after a long break, it feels nice to return to update theories. (To be honest, I’ve been busy with stuff, this time I wish it was slacking but it comes between getting busy along a bit of feeling not so motivated, but anyways, let’s pull through these theories to the very end!)

I hope everyone’s alright, make sure to stay healthy dear readers!

P.S: Theories are held within a neutral view and ships are excluded.

“People lament that there is always a precedent for trying something new. But everything that the future brings will be similar to something from the past. But nothing like the present will ever come again, nor has it ever existed “

-Kouhei Kadono, Inside the Apocalypse Castle

Back in the chapter analysis, I focused on the characters that made its appearance after so long, which of course, are the vampire Progenitors; of course, within this, there’s such a quote that truthfully applies to the main two Progenitors that took different paths, who do I mean?

Correct. Those are Rigr Stafford and Urd Geales.

But, what does the quote above have to do with them?

It’s well known that humans alone seek progress, they envision the future as promising, but, within the story, this is something that it’s not only applied to humans but vampires too, what do I mean?

Rigr Stafford - Saito: Vampire living in the future

Rigr Stafford who is better known as Saito is a fine example of that and that’s heavily reflected on the latest chapter:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 105

The very first thing Rigr understood within the amount of time he spent with Urd as the remaining two Progenitors that sticked together was, “what was the purpose of staying?”

The question alone seems like a rebellious phase even to some extend, but in fact, there’s something else behind; just like he stated after this panel, he envisioned an Utopia for vampires, but why?

That’s because the First Progenitor, by the time he sired the very first vampires, he made illusions for them, promising dreams that were a possibility but just like the phrase “Sometime it snows in April”, when a possibility is presented, it depends a lot how it’s handled down; in this case, all the vampires believed there would be an endless dream, a perfect world that is labeled as Utopia which at the very end, it ended up disappearing without notice.

But now, you might wonder, what does this have to do with him seeing the “future”?

Rigr didn’t want to stay behind and remain stuck with the old times, he wanted a change, he wanted answers; he wasn’t satisfied with the current life he had; and thus, he decided to leave, but within this, there’s something curious, what do I mean?

Among all the vampires that don’t know why they exist, that question their existance, Rigr technically bestowed his brother, another second Progenitor the key to what defined a human, what could it be?

Correct:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 105

Indeed, Rigr gave Urd a reason to live even if it meant making him have a negative view towards him for abandoning him after the First did. And thus, this was the first stone Rigr set into the future, and with the flow of time, he reached the current self, the one that diistortioned its own body in order to defeat the threat of the world, which is no less than the First Progenitor.

But why do I state that even between the two Progenitors there’s a forgotten present?

Before that, let’s talk about Urd.

Urd Geales: Vampire living in the past

Urd is well known to represent order which is something considered by many such as @black-sapphire57​ , @mikaisyuudere​, and @sonali6661​.

But even still, even if Urd is a figure that decided to take care of the vampires, that decided to shoulder the responsibility the First had:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 105

There’s something rather interesting within Urd, what do I mean?

Urd Geales despite being a character that shows discipline, along the authority figure he is towards the Vampire Society, Urd is the type that doesn’t accept changes well, what do I mean?

After the First Progenitor decided to leave the Vampire Council along with his Apostles or chosen ones, the vampire society he managed to create entered in a phase of negation, expecting the First to eventually return and take them with him, but even with such dream, the First Progenitor never came back until 1 000 years later when he gave away his presence:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 74

Urd Geales took full responsibility of the Vampires that eventually left by their own, he might have designed them which territory to rule underground, without the sight of humans along the laws that were made by him and Rigr many years ago; and, within this, it wasn’t needed to say that many vampires thought the same as Urd; they were afraid of changes, they treasured a lot the past that used to be their lifestyle, even if it was a different path from humanity, they enjoyed their carefree life, that time wasn’t something that could worry them, the fact they had their sire with them to guide them against the world.

And the very fact that an opportunity of “change” presents, it has been reflected with doubt and a discret fear:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 68

Back in the old chapters when Urd, Ky and Lest attempted to interrogate Krul Tepes, they had a small clash of ideals, what do I mean?

Correct. For Krul, the ways and methods they dealt with the problems were obsolete to the point that even if they tried to find a solution, in fact, they wouldn’t; which, to surprise of many, the first one to take the step of taking action was Ky Luc.

This only allowed the other Progenitors to proceed into knowing what exactly happened in the past that was unkonwn to them along the actions they could take for the future that was bound to come.

But now, what do I mean by statingthat both Urd and Rigr have forgotten the present?

This question might seem to some point confusing but in fact, it’s rather simple; what do I mean?

Both Urd and Rigr decided to stay or choose their respective ideals; they decided what it was best for their own.

In Urd’s case, he considered that remaining the same way as the Vampire Council was made, was the best way to keep order, to keep old traditions and costumes in order; but, time never forgives, time keeps flowing despite inmortality, everything changes around the world, and this was something the Vampire Progenitors that decided to abide the Rules noticed.

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 68

They noticed that the World made a drastic change; that humans weren’t the same compared to those they met millenia ago; in contrast, they entered to forbidden zones, they even touched taboos that which for them were considered acts of violation of the rules made by the First, Urd and Rigr.

In Rigr’s case, he considered that the First Progenitor didn’t leave just out of interest, but rather, he discovered the secrets he hid from the Progenitors, what he considered to do, his goals and ambitions that would eventually affect the World he once knew but, why did he take the risk if he was a vampire?

Despite being a vampire, and just like Ferid:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 91

Indeed, he was seeking for an answer to the same question most vampires ask, which is their reason to live and the meaning of life.

Furthermore, this discovery of how the world was dancing in the palm of the First was revealed in the World Resurrection at 19 LNs, when Guren finally had a time to speak with Rigr Stafford, along learning facts of how the First Progenitor dealt with the world and chose what would prevail and fall; all together with the fact on how Rigr himself altered the Ichinose DNA.

But once again, why is it that both forgot the present when they’re living it?

Forgetting the present isn’t something literal but rahter, if the mind aims for the future and dismisses everything that’s going around, then the answers for what the present beholds are eternally lost, what do I mean?

The Vampire Progenitors and Rigr Stafford have an enemy in common to some extend; in Rigr’s case, his main target is the First Progenitor yet he dismisses the fact that the JIDA has self awareness that the monster they’re fighting is the very same enemy Rigr pursuits; so it applies with the squad and the duo of Mahiru and Guren along the integration of Krul, Ferid and Crowley.

In Urd’s case, he still can’t acknowledge the very fact that the threat is the First Progenitor and this is, to some levels understandable, he was fond of something that was built millenia ago, he treasured what was built at such time until everything was laid on his shoulders.

Urd considers as threat humankind and depending on the answer, the First Progenitor along Rigr Stafford for walking into the forbidden, for abandoning his duties from the Vampire Council and most of all, for all the things he has done, altering many things such as his body along those who decided to follow him.

It is to say that this lack of visualization of the Present isn’t something that’ll be permanent, in fact, it can be said that chapters will escalate sooner or later, they’ll make the world reach its peak and breakdown which only leaves for a future truce between those who want to keep seeing a tomorrow and possibily, a goodbye for the everlasting lifespan they were granted.

What do you think dear readers?

Let me know!

[hellonoblesky]

Happy Saturday it’s past 2am here’s Harbinger Angst. Because I’m up late and I’m havinggg thoughts.

So here’s my hcs about the Harbingers reacting to/dealing with the news of Signora‘s death :)

(CW For like. Mental breakdowns and guilt and general emotional instability because no one is having a good time here. Oh also cussing, anddd some familial angst in Childe’s bit? Also I am so sorry about any misspellings n whatever it is. Very late and I already have two other posts in my drafts collecting dust that are also HCs so.)

Dottore:

So if you don’t follow my art blog or haven’t seen my Harbinger hcs (which are under the process of some change with new info being released and whatnot), you don’t know this but I HC Dot and Signora to be like sorta just evil siblings

Now because death is such a commodity in Dot’s uh… specific line of work, he doesn’t register that Signora is dead until like two days after he hears the news

He picked up the phone (rotary perhaps?) to go call up Signora‘a office to see if she has any good gossip and then stopped halfway through dialing because it hit him that she’s never going to be there to pick up the phone on the other end. Ever.

He usually listens to music when he’s working but with the absence of Signora ranting he has to take up listening to the radio on top of the music

Problem is: the radio doesn’t have the same charm and cadence to it that Signora’s rants did, because normal people are boring and it’s going to drive Dot up the walls if he has to listen to one more commercial or one more anxious ramble about how cool and great the Fatui are from some stupid radio host trying not to overstep the Tasritsa’s favor like she listens to some boring ass radio station in her spare time!!!

HE HATES IT. But is forced to make do because if he shows weakness he will be torn apart (or so he thinks)

So this leads to him locking himself away in his office even more than he already did

Because he was already intrigued by the traveller after their actions in Mond and their victory against Childe, but them beating Signora in a duel before the Shogun? Oh now that kickstarted a whole new line of study

Especially because his only coping mechanisms are Be Destructive and Dive So Far Into Work You Don’t Think so within about three days he has a comprehensive analysis of everything he can possibly get his hands on regarding the Traveler (without interacting with other people) and is about to pass out because he hasn’t slept

Oh and the funeral was absolute hell for him.

Mainly because while he was barely conscious he agreed to play violin at the service and then promptly passed out and forgot about it so he woke up and was hit with the consequences of his own actions in the form of sheet notes

He endured, obviously, he’s not going to back down from playing something at the funeral of one of the few interesting people in the organization, that’s what tools and cowards do and this might be the Fatui but if he’d survived the wrath of dead gods he would make it through this

Went right back to locking himself away after that though

He actually got bad enough that the other Harbingers took notice of his state and MADE him come out of his labs and eat (mainly at demand of the Tsaritsa because she just lost the Crimson Witch as an asset, she wants the rest of her Harbingers in good health god dammit, the Traveler is becoming a genuine threat)

Broke down at dinner a week after the funeral

Swears that if any of the other Harbingers bring it up ever ever again he will kill their bodies and keep their consciousnesses trapped in a machine that he controls forevermore

Really he’s just glad that no one immediately pounced on one of his few shows of weakness

Maybe he’ll risk it again if it means he can cry it out for another hour but he wouldn’t dare say that out loud, won’t even finish the thought

But you know what he will do?

What he does best, of course

Look at an oddity in the world (in this case the traveller) and seek to pick it apart until he can put it back together without looking and still have it work

The only way he can actually get through his grieving is by finding something to take the edge off

And it just so happens that the traveller is a perfect candidate

Childe:

By no means has he ever liked Signora, in regards to personality or method, but her death still hit him

He had to travel back to Snezhnaya for the funeral, and it did absolutely cheer him up to see his family again and get to spoil them all silly, but with a mind whirling with thoughts it was genuinely hard for him to keep a smile up

Mainly thoughts about battle, because that’s really the only way he can interpret the world at this point

Like he keeps thinking about weather the Traveler was holding back with him, or if they had gained the strength to fight off yet another Fatui plot just in the month or so since Liyue? And if they had gained strength, how had they done it so fast? If they’d been holding back against him had he not shown himself to be a fighter worthy of their strength? Had Signora even faced the Traveler‘s full strength?

Overall his head is much too full of too many things, and it wears him out to the point that he ends up sleeping in late enough for his family to actually worry because usually he’s up before dawn training and they don’t see him until the afternoon

But he’s back on track as soon as he can, because the training helps him think, and once he can resolve most of his thoughts (or repress them so they don’t bother him too often) he’s absolutely alright and fine and ready to go! Totally. Fine. It’s fine.

The thoughts were very much There during the funeral, especially as the first harbinger read a (somewhat summarized version) of Signora’s life to the assembly of Fatui

(Oh and Pierro didn’t really care weather or not Signor wanted people to know her life after she died because she was dead now what was she going to do??)

The reveal that Signora had been fighting for the Fatui because her lover had been killed by the actions of the Anemo Archon, and she desired nothing more than to see him again… it got to Childe. It got to Childe more than he’d like to admit

Because suddenly the woman who he had always known as the embodiment of frostbite and frozen barbed wire fencing had someone she had cared about, genuinely cared about, to the point where she had become the Mondstadt legend, the Crimson Witch herself

And she had lost that lover to the actions of a fool of a God

He swore silently to himself that when the Tsaritsa‘s future came to pass he would make a little monument for Signora. Nothing big, probably a plaque on a nice stone where Mondstadt would have been before the Tsaritsa’s success, but a monument nonetheless

This promise was a spur of the moment thing, and later he would be like “Man she was a jerk, lost love or not why did I promise her that?“ but he doesn’t go back on promises

Besides, actually watching Dottore break down in a grief and sleep-depravation induced haze was also something that got to him because of course the two people he happened to simply Hate The Most in the organization were close that makes perfect sense but also wow it is weird to see Dottore cry and it feels Wrong because after murdering and tormenting so many people… Signora is gone and he breaks then??? What the fuck

Avoids most of the Harbingers after that, just heads home to Morepesok to spoil his siblings silly before going back to Liyue

Oh and his siblings can tell something is up, Teucer especially because when his brilliant big brother, the greatest toy salesman in all of Snezhnaya, is suddenly struggling to keep a smile even though they’re at home… he notices

Childe’s other siblings are all avoiding the subject, they heard about the death of Signora and all, they just assume the organization is going through it tight now and frankly most of them are a little afraid of him weather they‘ll admit it or not

Not Teucer though, he’s confused just because he still has grasped how Snezhnaya works yet, so he goes ahead and asks anyway

Childe just says he’s sad because he has to leave again so soon! And he hasn’t even been able to take Teucer fishing this time, isn’t that sad?

Teucer can tell that he’s lying

But Teucer is also beginning to sense the danger that lies behind Childe’s eyes, so for the first time? He doesn’t push it or say that they could go fishing now if they hurry

Just a grin and a “Next time!! Promise?” Makes it all better and he doesn’t have to think about why his big brother feels unnerving to look at sometimes

Childe is oblivious to Teucer’s growing awareness

He heads back to Liyue and makes himself focus on work

Scaramouch:

Now he didn’t particularly like Signora either, and didn’t really care about her life’s story, because blah blah blah we get it lady you lost someone, we all did, cry about it or whatever

But he does feel… he feels guilty for leaving her to face the Shogun

He had the Gnosis, he had finished Signora’s mission for her without even meaning to, and he had thought it would be funny to just let her face the Shogun without knowing that

To some extent, it’s his fault she’s dead

And it’s not the fact that she died because he didn’t go get her that weighs on him, it’s that he left her to the Shogun of all things

I don’t know if puppets like Scara can feel things like people and such do, but considering how the Shogun expressed frustration and stress when Ei disabled the majority of her functions, I’m going to assume they can

And because of the meddling of ‘some eccentric scientists’ his emotions are probably toned down a tad but he can still feel guilt all the same

And leaving Signora to the Shogun makes him feel guilty because he and the Shogun are essentially kin

Disowned and disavowed kin, but you know

He may have been able to easily counter the Shogun, or even help Signora prevail in her duel, but he. Ran. Off.

He happens to think that that was very cowardly of him

It causes a spike in his aggression which everyone unfortunately has to notice every time he walks by because the sheer static electricity that snaps in the air when he’s in the room now? Haha. Ouchie

Fun fact: he has no idea how to cope with guilt

He channels ALL of it into SHEER RAGE

Ever seen a couple hundred year old man go absolutely apeshit in the Harbinger‘s shared training arena? Well now you have!! It’s not a pretty sight!!

He’s crying and can’t tell why, which fuels his anger, which fuels stress as a fun side effect which just makes more tears and now he has to snap someone in half because he needs it to stop he hates it here he hates it here he hates it here

And in the beginning the guilt wasn’t even that severe for him, it was just so immensely magnified by his lack of coping skills that he very nearly broke himself down

He tried going to Dottore to get it disabled but Dottore had his doors all locked so Scara couldn’t even get a word through to him

Oh and the funeral was fine with him he just left early because he didn’t want to deal with looking people in the eye at the time because, again, his lack of coping skills with guilt magnified the whole feeling so it was almost unbearable

It’s a lot of fighting and breaking things before he’s able to resign himself to some semblance of how he was

[supercantaloupe]

on Aelwyn Abernant, the Reformed Villain Squad, and redeeming teenage antagonists

an analysis on antagonist character development in Fantasy High. spoilers through sophomore year and (mildly so) the most recent roll20 oneshot. essay under the cut bc i am very long winded

the turnaround with Aelwyn in s2 is handled so well  i cant get over it. she was such a major antagonist in the first season and just. despicable. she had no pathos. we hated this bitchy older sister who tried to kill Adaine and her friends and raise an evil dragon, and when she gets knocked on her ass and thrown in jail, we cheer.

and then s2 fucking starts saying “hey she’s in jail still if you’d like to look into that” and pursuing that thread ends up being almost as comedic an idea as it is a reluctant one; it’s also quickly shunted to the background as soon as more pressing leads present themselves, to the point where we almost forget about her until Adaine is kidnapped and then the first time you see her it’s just. viscerally upsetting.

she’s bad. she did evil. she got what she deserved.

but she already got what she deserved. last season.

she got her ass handed to her by a bunch of 14 year olds including her little sister (how embarrassing!). her plans were thwarted. she got punched in the face and made fun of. she already got her punishment.

it just……immediately registers as over-the-top Wrong to be told “hey, remember that antagonist you beat last season? she’s still being punished for that, except it’s way worse than just going to mumple.”

and there’s that reminder that like…this is a teenager. a child. who has been manipulated and abused. which is a really fascinating look at this character we used to see pretty much unilaterally as a one dimensional bitchy villain.

i mean we got a more in depth look at Penelope’s and Biz’s motivations in s1 (Penelope being the popular rich girl sorceress obviously hungry for power and the alllure of the high school clout that is being prom queen, but also we know that her having to turn on her best friend Sam Nightingale as part of the scheme was something she was reluctant and not happy to do; and Biz being that predatory incel creeper type dude besides just a nerd with computers and a lack of social graces). and they were as much willingly active in the plot as Aelwyn was. yet in s1 they really never do bother to explore Aelwyn’s motivations. i remember after watching s1 but before s2 that was one of my biggest lingering questions: why tf was Aelwyn involved?

well. she was manipulated and abused. her terrible parents raised her in an awful environment that conditioned her to Listen and Obey and Behave and Be Perfect, and then Kalina helped cinch the noose around her neck with threats and coersion into the KVS Kaper and the NMK crown debacle. she doesn’t freely choose any of it; she’s coerced, manipulated, abused.

and she already got justifiably punished for her bad actions in s1. the torture is almost literal overkill. it’s just……there’s this immediate turnaround in sympathy and view of the character. on first watch, it’s viscerally upsetting to see her getting so brutally punished for actions she already faced consequences for, and on rewatch, it makes your skin crawl to know she’s being tortured for terrible things she had little choice in carrying out. and tortured by some of the very same people who coerced her to behave terribly in the first place, to add insult to injury.

and it’s still fucking frustrating when they rescue her and her memory gets reset and she goes back to her parents because it’s like “well shit, she’s evil again, and we just wasted all that effort for nothing” but it’s also sad cause we know she’s running back to her abusers and she isn’t happy about it but doesn’t feel like she has a choice. and it’s sadder still that what eventually inevitably gets her to turn to good for good (i.e. away from her parents) is just. a full dissociative mental breakdown.

(but then she survives and it’s gonna be good!!! until Adaine dies in her fucking arms. which is. almost funny. she’s been through so much shit and that isn’t something that Brennan would have just. preplanned. like a written in plot point. no, that was just an unpredictable consequence of the battle. what a juicy fucking moment. she’s been through All That Shit™️ and has finally turned to fight for good and her sister just fully dies in front of her. yeowch)

and she turns out okay in the end. she comes out the other side alive and whole and supported by her sister and her friends, with the hope of a future and recovery. there is an acknowledgement that A) she can and will grow from her mistakes and damage, B) it’s going to be really hard, and C) the post-s2 one shots both prove that she’s doing okay now. hell, she has a whole squad now of other former-teenage-villains-turned-good-guys. she has friends now, Ragh and Zayn, with common ground, and a secret handshake and everything. they’ve all grown from the mistakes of their past into better, happier, healthier people

and about Zayn and Ragh. we’ve seen a lot of characters, protagonist and antagonist, teenage and adult, PC and NPC do some really fucked up shit and get punished for it. but why do they get happy endings? why are Aelwyn, Ragh, and Zayn the only members of the RVS and not someone else like Biz or Penelope or Dayne? 

well, the latter two are dead by then; but then again, Biz and Ragh were also killed by the Bad Kids in s1, and subsequently resurrected. (Zayn died too, but was neither killed nor revived at the Bad Kids’ hands, so i’ll get to him in a sec.) and there are plenty of adult antagonists the Bad Kids face who are killed and left that way by the Bad Kids without second thought: Johnny Spells, Coach Daybreak, Captain Wicklaw, the Abernant parents (presuming Arianwen doesn’t survive in the forest for very long, which i doubt). why do some characters get second chances while others don’t?

in the case of Zayn, his death was pretty much out of the Bad Kids’ hands, and they later found out he was manipulated by Daybreak into being bad anyway because of his sad living situation. he was a pretty minor antagonist in the scheme of things, and when we re-meet him as a ghost in the s1 epilogue, he’s pretty obviously remorseful for his actions. and dying seems like a steep enough punishment to me for the shit he did to contribute to the KVX caper; returning as a ghost, free from the trappings of his unfortunate living life, he now has the room and freedom to grow into a better person.

in the cases of Daybreak, Spells, Wicklaw, and the Abernant parents: these are bad people who should know better. these are fully grown adults who actively choose to do evil. whether they think it’s the right thing to do or not (in Daybreak’s case), whether they think it will benefit them and don’t care about anyone else (in the Abernants’ case), or whether they don’t care much at all and are just doing shit because they feel like it (in the cases of Spells and Wicklaw), these are all adults who consciously make the decision to do terrible things and hurt other people. of course Johnny Spells, who is generally a punk thief and thug, is not on the same level of bad as Angwyn, who kidnaps and tortures his own daughters for political gain, but the point remains. these fuckers should know better. they’re grown ups. they had their chances to be good and they chose not to heed them. their minds are set on bad actions and they are a continued danger to other people as long as they are alive. when they die, the Bad Kids do their damndest to make sure it stays that way.

now, in the cases of Penelope and Dayne: these are teenagers who actively chose to participate in an evil plot. Penelope, Dayne, and Biz were all fully cognizant of what they were doing trying to raise KVX back to his former power. why? well, to some extent, we can only speculate. i suspect Penelope was just one of those Regina George bitches who is rich and popular and powerful and obsessed with power and popularity within high school as if that’s the end-all-be-all of existence (which, like, when you’re currently in high school, is a somewhat understandable worldview i think). Dayne being her boyfriend and a musclehead jock probably falls into a similar line of thinking. they are actively and willingly trying to cause harm, and teenager or not, must be stopped. they’re killed, anyway, during the Climactic Battle™️ anyhow; it’s not like the Bad Kids were going to gain anything at that point by keeping them alive.

now, Biz: Biz is the creepy Nice Guy incel type, sees woman as a prize he deserves to win, yadda yadda. he does, like Penelope and Dayne, actively choose to help KVX. there might be something to be said about his motivation the Bad Kids discover after the arcade battle by detecting his thoughts (that being to upload the captured maidens from the palimpsests to “call the shots” himself) is an altered memory; whether this was his original motivation from the start or not, i’m not sure. but the Bad Kids do kill him – and then resurrect him for important, time-sensitive information. and they beat it out of him – he gets two of his fucking fingers blown off. and Riz reattaches them once they have their info, and they realize his memory is altered. of course, the Bad Kids don’t know at this point that the altered memory was something he, Penelope, and Aelwyn had planned and agreed on and done to themselves, but this points to something important in my opinion: the Bad Kids, and the narrative/show as a whole by extension, acknowledge that external manipulation affects how guilty someone is in a crime.

which brings us to Ragh. Ragh, introduced from episode 1 as the meathead jock. Ragh the archetypical one-dimensional high school bully. Ragh who works with the harvestmen in effort to (ostensibly) end the world/provoke international war. Ragh, whose low intelligence but high loyalty and internalized homophobia led him to be fully swayed and blindly led by his coach and captain, who have actively chosen to do evil. Ragh who is killed in combat by the Bad Kids and resurrected for information, not Daybreak. Ragh, who the Bad Kids realize was probably not aware of exactly what he was being made to do and how bad it really was. Ragh, who by their kindness in sparing his life and directing him on a better path, becomes a well-rounded character and an active ally to the Bad Kids during and after prom, an invaluable companion during their quest in sophomore year, and overall a really good friend and person. 

(it might also be worth considering the case of Jawbone here, too, who started out a very minor antagonist in a fight but ended up becoming a major NPC because the Bad Kids talked to him, found out he came from an unfortunate situation and set of circumstances, and showed him kindness in offering the school guidance counselor position, a kindness that isn’t really owed but given anyway and ends up changing his entire life for good.)

and then, Aelwyn, whose case is already discussed above. so, why is the RVS what it is, why them but not others?

if you’re familiar with Avatar: the Last Airbender, you’re probably familiar with Zuko’s character arc, and how it’s often lauded as a masterful example of developing a villain into a hero over the course of a narrative. what makes Zuko’s arc so well done and exceptional is that he starts out as a kid in a bad situation under the influence of bad adults seeking to do bad deeds, but he later realizes the error of those ways, actively removes himself from that situation despite the difficulty and danger in doing so, goes through a lot of shit and reflects on his past mistakes and learns from them, and then actively chooses to fight for good in the end with the help of close, trusted friends, found family. 

this, i believe, is the same in the case of Fantasy High and its treatment of the RVS. its members, like Zuko, are all teenagers who came from shitty situations and were manipulated by evil adults to do bad. they are punished for their bad actions, and they learn from their errors and mistakes. with the kindness and help of good people, friends and chosen family, they are able to escape their abusers and bad situations and grow into their own people. and they actively choose to improve themselves with that help and fight for good.

Fantasy High, through the arcs of Jawbone, Zayn, Ragh, and especially Aelwyn, asserts that it is not your fault if you come from a bad situation and are forced to behave badly as a result. it does not pretend that you are absolved of any responsibility for those actions; quite the opposite, as even though they were externally manipulated into their evil actions, all of those mentioned characters face tangible consequences for their actions and later express remorse for their mistakes. but Fantasy High also asserts that even if you have made great mistakes in your past, even if you came from a bad situation beyond your control, even if you were manipulated and abused, with care and love and support and a hell of a lot of work and effort, you can improve your situation and find good, happiness, peace, you can thrive. evil adults who should know better don’t get redeemed. teenagers who aren’t coerced but actively choose evil don’t get redeemed. but abused kids deserve another shot at happiness. with enough work, and some love and help along the way, they can get there, even from the lowest imaginable point, from rock fucking buttom. it’s possible. 

[nibeul]

Saberstaffs: A Guide for People Creating Jedi/Sith OCs

I posted this on Instagram a while ago but I figured I should post it here too! This is basically my analysis of saberstaffs paired with some history and extra info. I’m by no means an expert, just a SW weapons nerd who enjoys rambling about things, bonus if people find it helpful :) most of the general info is backed by the wookiee for anyone curious to give it a look

The History

Saberstaffs are rare among the Order, and while a decent amount of it has to do with how hard it is to master, its origins also play a part in this fact. Originally known as the “Sith Lightsaber”, saberstaffs were created by the Old Sith Empire (as the name suggests), serving as weapons of aggression with the ability to easily overwhelm and overpower. The design had been pretty much unheard of until it was wielded by Exar Kun during the Great Sith War, the fallen Jedi having modified his original lightsaber using schematics from Sith Holocrons he had found. It was forgotten shortly after, trading off from hand to hand before eventually making its way to the Order for safe keeping (this is obviously a very simple explanation since I don’t want to dwell on it too much). The design became popularized among the Sith during the Jedi Civil War, and was even wielded by some skilled Jedi, though the Council frowned upon its use as the staff was a weapon of aggression purely designed to kill more effectively than the standard saber. The Order’s prejudice against the weapon remained a constant even into the waning days of the Republic, and as a result, very few Jedi utilized it. By the time the Invasion of Naboo rolled around, they’d faded into almost complete obscurity, so you can imagine the surprise of Qui Gon and Obi Wan when Maul pulled one out.

Schematics

The original saber staffs were much more complicated than the ones seen during the Clone Wars, consisting of a singular lightsaber mechanism that had two emitters, Exar Kun’s modified staff fitting this design. The more modern staffs, such as Maul’s, were made up of two, standard lightsabers that were melded together at the pommel in order to form one, elongated hilt. I’m actually not sure what the exact reasoning for the simplification was since the original was more effective, though I assume it has to do with the loss of the original holocrons and a change in wielding styles as the years progressed. The Council was right though in the fact that they were made for better effectiveness in combat; two ends meant faster attacks, and rapid assaults could be dealt out by the wielding with minimum movement. On the flipside, it was also good for defense—specifically in dueling, I’ll get to combat against blasters later—because it covered more area with less effort. There was also a psychological impact that comes with most unorthodox weapons, as tracking two blades is obviously a lot harder than one, and either end was often thought of as separate weapons instead of one.

Of course, there were still weaknesses, and with great killing power came debilitating flaws if put in the wrong hands. Wielding a staff without training was fatal in most cases, and it was likely that an inexperienced user would slash or bisect themselves trying to utilize one. A prime example of this comes from Antos Wyrick who accidentally impaled both himself and his daughter when trying to kill her. The minimum movement needed also came at a cost when it came to attacking and parrying because it’s impossible to simply adjust positions, as someone using a standard blade might. The sun djem contact mark could be employed by an opponent with little experience, and due to the length of the hilt, it’s hard to defend against. The best comparison to a saberstaff in terms of modern weapons would be the quarterstaff, though it’s not completely adequate because there’s only so much area for the user to put their hands whereas a quarterstaff, you have the entire length. The weight is also different as the weight of any lightsaber is condensed at the hilt while a quarterstaff’s weight would be evenly spread throughout it. Because the user’s hands have to be positioned at the general center of the weapon at all times (the hilt), power that would be possible with a quarterstaff is lost with the saberstaff.

Wielding Styles/Forms

Next, we have a breakdown of wielding styles, and to do this I’m going to be using Maul and Krell.

Maul

There’s apparently some controversy over what lightsaber Form Maul uses, though based on what I’ve seen from the show and the movie, I think that Juyo is the closest form to compare his fighting style too. Maul’s lightsaber is an extension of his body; he was raised for one thing, and that was to kill Jedi. He is, in the simplest sense, a killing machine, and his fighting style is reflective of that, martial arts interwoven with his strikes and parries, etc. etc. Maul, while obviously capable of defense, is a very aggressive, offensive fighter, and this is abundantly clear in his duels against Ahsoka, Obi Wan, Qui Gon… I’m sure there are videos floating around for each of the duels, I recommend giving them a rewatch if you’re curious. His power comes from his hips, and he relies on straight up striking power and prowess in combat in order to overwhelm his opponents. His style is pretty similar to how one would wield a quarterstaff, which is incredibly effective when it comes to melee combat against one or multiple opponents, but an open battlefield is a different story.

The biggest problem for Maul’s fighting style when applied to an open battlefield is the lack of maneuverability and the uncovered area that makes up the hilt of the staff. In a lightsaber duel, he has full coverage of his body since the blades are pretty one dimensional (I’m not sure if that’s the right word to use, but I’m using it anyways) while against blasters, there’s more open, uncovered area that he’s not going to be able to defend. I don’t recall seeing a lot of blaster vs lightsaber action with Maul, not when it came to his staff anyways, so it’s hard to determine what he’s capable of when it comes to that. I’m just applying what I’ve seen to a hypothetical situation—the bottomline is that Maul is likely a more effective duelist than anything else, and his use of the saberstaff plays into that strength.

Krell

Krell—who I know you all love—uses Jar’kai and I want to say hints of Form V based on his aggressive way of fighting while also on the defensive against dozens of clones. We unfortunately didn’t see a lot of fighting from Krell until he was slaughtering the 501st and 212th, so I don’t have a whole lot to work with here, but I do know that he used the Force in tandem with his staffs which was something that was made easier by the fact that he had four arms. Unlike Maul, Krell doesn’t face the problem of lack of coverage when it comes to fighting on the battlefield—because of his anatomy, he’s able to fully rotate the blades in a manner that covers him entirely, though something important to note about that is the change in power. The power from his strikes come almost entirely from his arms, which is clearest when he’s fighting the clones up in the tower. He’s able to cut through men without putting a huge focus on power, 1) because he’s already naturally strong and 2) because of the reach of his lightsabers. He’s outnumbered, but his sheer combative prowess with his lightsabers allows him to keep an edge during the entirety of the fight until he’s ultimately taken down by Tup.

I think the most important thing to note about Krell is that he constantly makes space, which is a tactic commonly used by staff users specifically (it’s also used when handling other weapons of course, though that’s when it comes to multiple opponents; with a staff, you constantly want space so you can strike from afar). He makes space to prevent himself from getting overrun even when severely outnumbered, and this tactic allows him to employ the deadliness of his lightsabers on an open battlefield, whereas Maul would have more trouble doing so thanks to the differences in their fighting style. Because I haven’t seen Krell in a duel, it’s hard to say how he would combat someone else with a melee weapon, though I want to say it’s likely similar to Grievous’s way of fighting. The sheer amount of blades he holds makes it easy to overwhelm an opponent, and because of his stature, he doesn’t have a need for extreme power behind each swing, which allows better maneuverability (as we see when he’s spinning his lightsabers).

General Pros and Cons

So, I’ll just finish this off with the main pros and cons after breaking everything down and giving my input.

Strengths:

• Offensive and defensive capabilities

• Faster attack rate

• Bigger surface area for deflecting/parrying

• Unorthodox/Uncommon

Weaknesses:

• Hard to store

• Exposed hilt

• Dangerous to user

• Often requires both hands to wield

In general, staffs are best for characters who are older with more than a couple years of training under their belt due to how hard it is to master and the dangers of inexperience. These characters tend to be heavily combat focused since the staff was pretty much made for killing. However, this is just a general breakdown I did for fun, so don’t let that stop you from giving your characters whatever weapons you see fit :)

[smp-live]

Was scrolling through c!Wilbur crit blogs again and it got me thinking about why exactly I argue in favour of him so much so here’s a random ramble (that got long) about it:

Most c!Wilbur critics (at least, in the tag, not directly post-lore stream. The ones that do actual analysis on him) are like... really reasonable about it, actually, lmao. Like it’s mostly just calling him a bad person because of power hunger/manipulation/being a bad dad/whatever else. (Not talking about antis. I mean people who are really critical of him, but recognize that he’s a well-crafted character with nuance.)

Which I agree with! I consider myself an apologist, my writing and analysis leans really sympathetic, and I still agree that he’s a shitty rat bastard that I would run far away from irl. Even at the beginning of the story, he’s very morally grey, sometimes using underhanded persuasion tactics, doing ehh things like stealing, and it only gets worse from there.

But on the other hand, he’s... not that bad. Like I saw one person say about c!Dream, “My reaction to most critique of him is... so what?” and that’s how I feel about c!Wilbur, I suppose. Yeah, he tried to rig an election - but it was a last-ditch effort at not going full dictator, he didn’t follow through, and later on he - in part - decided to blow it up because they couldn’t get it back while being democratic. And yeah, he manipulated people - all in all, it wasn’t really really bad things, mostly to paint himself in a better light because of his insecurities, and people sometimes fall into manipulative language without even outwardly realizing that it’s a shitty thing to do. Of course, that shows a bigger underlying problem in their mindset and the way they interpret relationships and possession, but then that’s a different discussion - and definitely one that applies to c!Wilbur.

(Not saying he doesn’t ever intentionally manipulate people. I think that a. sometimes it might be accidental, (”If you wanna be President you’re gonna have to get on my good side,” mans was Not thinking straight,) and b. other times he falls into old habits/coping mechanisms that happen to be manipulation, (Tommy at Las Nevadas.) Other than the election and maybe some times in the early founding of L’Manberg, I can’t think of any moments where I’m like, “Yeah, he is Purposefully Manipulating here.” And even then, it just doesn’t strike me as a terrible thing. People manipulate, it’s a thing they do. That’s it. A morally grey action.)

And I think the majority of the reason I make more posts painting him in a positive light and don’t really discuss my critique of him is because it feels like the fandom has an overwhelming bias of hatred/crit, even if a lot of that isn’t, y’know, proper analysis of his character. I instinctively want to balance it out for this character I love/relate to, because a lot of what I see straight-up ignores the lighter side of his moral-greyness.

Like, a while back, I posted a couple clips from late-election arc, of Wilbur talking about how he feels about Fundy siding with Quackity and against him. And the way I initially saw it while watching was, “Okay. He feels betrayed by his son who disagrees with his politics - and thus, him as a person, because your politics are a reflection of your identity, especially in Wilbur’s mind - and it’s perfectly understandable that he’d want to vent about that in private to a close friend. On the other hand, he should be able to recognize that Fundy’s allowed to be his own person and shouldn’t be babied. Fundy is in the right, here, but Wilbur’s feelings shouldn’t be dismissed.”

But then 90% of the tags were just straight-up hate for c!Wilbur, going as far as to say that he should die again. (And this was after we found out how bad the afterlife was for him.) That fucking floored me. I just couldn’t understand how they took this nuanced character aching for ‘the son he knew’ back (hm. very similar to c!Phil, actually) and turned it into ‘wow. This suicidal man sucks and should maybe die.’ I was so close to making a post defending him before realizing - I was letting fandom bias against a character push me further onto the sympathetic side.

And that’s such a fuckin’ weird thing to have happen, because you’d think that exposure to negativity about a character would make you feel more negative about them? But without fail, every time I scroll through the crit tag, or read a critical post about c!Wilbur/L’Manberg, I maybe lean a bit more towards that side for a few hours before swinging back hard onto the apologist side. Because a lot of the critique, to me, is really just, “so what?” after I let it stew a bit.

Then there’s the whole mental health issue. Obviously it doesn’t excuse the shit he did - I know people who have been in the middle of breakdowns and the stuff they say still fucking hurts, even if they didn’t truly mean it. But recognizing that he needs help? That for pretty much all his time on-screen, he was depressed and paranoid, which obviously affects the way he acts? That’s obvious. And were he in the position to get professional help - which he deserves - everything would be much better off. That’s the root of my apologism, I think: He deserves to get better. He’s not inherently evil, or bad, just a fucked up little man who’s ruined his own life and needs help. I want to see him, specifically him, get better.

Narratively, his punishment has been extreme and disproportionate. Every mistake, every choice - good or bad - has led to suffering, on his part. Start a fun little rebellion, maybe to gain some power? War and betrayal. Declare an election to consolidate said power? Lose, and get exiled. Blow up a nation? Die, and even in the afterlife, he can't catch a break. Purely as a sympathetic human, it feels like he deserves to rest. Deserves to heal.

But even medicated and less anxious, or going to therapy for his neuroticism and depression, or whatever, he still would be quite morally grey. A lot of his manipulation, his power hunger, comes from this neuroticism; from needing to feel safe and needed, (just like Quackity.) Not all of it, though. He’d still have his unhealthy ideals about relationships and possession, for example. Less prominent, sure, but still there. Some people, I feel, discount how tied up with his mental illness it is, while others don’t really recognize that it’s also a personality problem. Like, changing those beliefs is changing part of who he fundamentally is, as a person.

Actually, I think the c!Wilbur apologist community, in general, tends to scapegoat his mental illness a little too much? Not in that we explain his actions with it or ask people not to villainize it, (although sometimes I feel that what we call villainizing mental illness is a bit excessive, but it’s not my place to talk about that as someone who doesn’t really relate to Pogtopia!Wilbur,) but in that we use it in discussions a lot. Which is fair, because it permeates every single aspect of his character, but even without it he’d have toxic traits? Like his possessiveness is not purely a byproduct of his mental illness, imo. Nor is his treatment of Fundy. It’s amplified by it, surely, but that little seed of it is there in the first place. Just as c!Dream’s abuse needs to be addressed as a central part of his character, c!Wilbur’s possessiveness does too - and also outside of the context of their mental health, because they’re both brought on by an internal personality flaw, some fucked-up belief, if that makes sense.

As I said before: c!Wilbur is a mess of a human being that I would hate if I actually met. (irl I would’ve been a SWAG supporter, based on policies, but since this is fiction, I was POG.) But because he’s a character, that flies out the window, and I can love him - not even just as a character, in the sense that I appreciate he’s well-crafted, but in terms of personality and all that shit, while recognizing he’s a kinda crappy guy. Because he’s a character. That’s the fun of it.

[lynx-paw]

Stray Kids album review no one asked for, but I still did because yes.

Every song has 3 "reviews": before looking up lyrics, after looking up lyrics and final.

1 – Cheese

BEFORE: Ohh the guitar riff. I am WEAK for guitar in this one. Probably a song I’d play waiting for the traffic light to go green. It has nice, somehow fun beat. But, we definitely could have survived without them naming types of cheese.

AFTER: Heh. A real fuck you in not romantic way.

FINAL: I appreciate the entire idea behind the song. Tho, we still could’ve survived without types of cheese.

2 – Thunderous

BEFORE: Idk why, but beginning reminds me of Rhythm Ta. Yes Changbineeeeeeey take it away.

Did I hear it right? "I’m not sorry, I’m dirty." Babes, are we okay?

Ah yes, Aussie line being more Aussie with each passing day. OMG THAT LAUGH AT 2:03 YES.

Oh I def heard it right, I’m not sorry I’m dirty. Cool, cool, ok. The rapapapam bought me, seriously.

It has very Kingdom!Ateez sound to it which isn’t a bad thing at all, I’m a sucker for Kingdom!Ateez. But… I don’t know, I miss either more intense build-up or beat drop. That would, like, totally kill me and pay for my burial.

AFTER: Oh. Changbin’s part is really, really good. Okay, okay, seriously props to whoever wrote the lyrics. But we really could’ve survived without I’m not sorry, I’m dirty.

Kkundeuri wasseoyo and Gyerani wasseoyo need to have a collab if you know what I mean hehe 😉

FINAL: I feel like my precious I.N had so much fun in this one, so I give bonus points. The song is good, the lyrics are bomb, but the sound lacks intensity. I wish they went with a bit harsher tone, the song would be absolute bomb slap then. All in all, I like it.

3 – Domino

BEFORE: GOING IN STRONG YES. Yeah, goodbye brain, I’ll be going around singing Domino, domino, DOMINO. Yo, that stop and then intense rap at approximately 1:15 is very nice touch.

Don’t kill me, but in my very humble opinion, Chan’s parts feel a bit out of place in the song.

Oh… I don’t like the pace change starting at 2:40…

AFTER: Ah, yet another fuck you, I’ll succeed no matter what you say song.

FINAL: Kinda have a feeling it might grow on me after a few days, but right now… Hm. I don’t know. Maybe one of those songs which need to marinate and which might slap after I come back to them randomly.

4 – Ssick

BEFORE: Oh, the beginning gives me Ikon vibes, yes please. Okay, okay, this drop at 0:50 is really good, I like it very much.

This song has nice transitions and per se, variety, that maybe previous songs lack. For now, my favourite song. It is repetitive, just like the previous ones, and that’s not a bad thing, but I think this one has the best mix of repetitive and filled with variety in beat.

AFTER: 3rd fuck you haters song? I mean sure, fuck haters, but isn’t dedicating 3 songs to them giving them a bit too much attention? This one isn’t just about fuck you tho, it’s also about being there for your friends and I like that aspect. It’s like fuck you to haters and i wuw you to friends and supporters.

Also very, very, very important and positive part of the lyrics is “Oh yeah, I know that I don’t have anything special. But, yeah, do you know that I myself am special?” This, boys, girls, rocks and flowers, this is very valuable lesson. You don’t have to own something special because you are special by just being. Don’t belittle yourself. Even skz is telling you that.

FINAL: From all the fuck you songs this is probably my favorite.

5 – The View

BEFORE: Awww very summery song, very sweet since the beginning. OH SHIT I AM CRYING WTF?

Fuck, this reminds me of a feeling, if you get me, but I don’t know which one? I like it. I LIKE IT SO MUCH. YES. BRING IT ON. BRING ON THE TEARS YES. (i am probably the only person being excited to cry but that says a lot about me sush please).

This is one of the songs I’d LOVE to randomly hear on the radio. Just driving to the beach, vibing you know.

And getting attacked by sudden rap and beat change because why tf not, you know?

AFTER: “Clouds like a submarine swim” I told you, summer vibes.

Ah, fuck. Here, it’s this why I cried. I sensed something in the way they delivered this part of the song and it was this: “The road in front of me seemed dark ‘cause i never ever let it go. Now I feel comfortable, I like it, this feeling and I’ll never ever let it go.” Not to be someone who’ll be like Aha! This is the meaning behind this! but to me this reminds me a lot of feeling stuck with bad self-image, both mentally and physically, and because I said this is like a summer song, my brain immediately goes to all those summers I hated my body and this one being the first summer ever that I didn’t actively hate myself. This part of lyrics is for me like finally breaking out of the shell or maybe a better expression, shedding old skin and just leaving it behind, going forward with new, more positive mentality and a sense of liberation.

“I like the view right now” is like 1) i literally like the view (sunset on beach type of vibe), 2) i like looking at you/myself and realising you’re feeling comfortable around me/yourself/myself, and/or 3) i like this new view on life I have.

Look, I could literally quote entire song and give in depth analysis of on what level they resonate with me, but I won’t do that. I’ll just say these are one of the best lyrics I’ve ever read and they’re so well combined with music ughhh. And the fact this song came at the right time in my life *insert chef’s kiss*

FINAL: I love it. It was really good before I read lyrics and after it’s like three times better. One of my faves on the album.

6 – Sorry, I love you

BEFORE: Nothing special for except for the slight angsty tones I hear. I like it, but nothing crazy. I’d like it to pop up on my playlist occasionally. I think it would be an absolute BOP for me if it was leaning more to the rock genre. Like, a bit slowed down with accent just on guitar and their voices. But, that’s just me always being a sucker for rock ballads. For some reason to me, best ballads and most songs which evoke strong emotion from me are the ones which accentuate the words, the voice and one instrument.

AFTER: Very convinced this song is written by the one who is watching Nevertheless (is it Seungmin? or someone else?). My roommate strongly disagrees with that, but look, I don’t make rules, I think, I say.

FINAL: I hate to admit it but it’s catchy. I’d love live band version of this ngl.

7 – Silent Cry

BEFORE: Interesting intro huh. But something doesn’t sit with me right with the rest of the song. I don’t know what. I really don’t.

AFTER: Yeah sure, hit me with depresso lyrics right in the beginning.

FUCK. The lyrics are really killing me.

FINAL: I just can’t suffer through music. Lyrics are amazing, but idk, music is so not my style and somehow don’t suit the lyrics.

8 – Secret Secret

BEFORE: WAIT WHY DO I HAVE EMOTIONS ALREADY IT’S ONLY BEEN LIKE 10 SECONDS INTO THE SONG. Fuck. I’m on the verge of tears. Imagine listening to this and then Ex I would straight up have emotional breakdown. Yeah, yeah, I’m crying. Leave me alone. The softness, the preciousness, the cuteness, ugh I am broken™.

AFTER: Yeah, fuck. I’m crying again.The lyrics are killing me.

FINAL: This song makes me very emotional, I am a literal mess right now. Kill me, resurrect me, kill me again.

9 – Star Lost

Not my type of song. Like, nothing’s wrong, it’s just so not my type.

10 – Red Lights

BEFORE: Well, the beat drop for sure slaps. The song reminds me of something, it’s either a movie or a song, but I can’t remember. And that’s not a bad thing, I just hate the fact I can’t remember what it reminds me of.

AFTER: “I’m staying up all night again.” I see what you did there, tsch.

“Now tell me you hate me I can’t stand you any longer. But I know, you and me, there’s nothing I can do.” this is very good. I like this.

FINAL: This song could be about so many things. Lust, control problems, feeling of losing yourself, not knowing what your stage personality is and what is real you, anxiety, insomnia, depression… The thing they really managed to do is achieving a level of intensity. I like the song more after I read the lyrics, but I have to say I thought it would be much, much more intense and in your face. I’ll let it crawl in my mind and heart. Slowly. Hehe.

11 – Surfin’

BEFORE: I’m not a fan of summer. Or summer songs. But this is good. Wtf. Something’s going on with me lol. I have nothing much to say, I like the song, that’s it hahah.

AFTER: Felix talking about working 24/7 isn’t something I thought I’d hear in such a summery song.

“My head is overheated just like my laptop.” yo Changbin, mood.

FINAL: I hate summer songs, but this one slaps. This is the only summer song I’ll ever love and accept. Absolute bop.

12 – Gone Away

BEFORE: Oh the beginning surely is something. Oh no, no, no, no, no, I’ll cry again. Oh no. I’m dead. Fuck. I’m crying without lyrics, what’s going to happen after I listen with lyrics? Fuck man.

OH SHIT WHAT WAS THIS AT 3:00? THEY’RE PULLING OFF SOME MAYFLY SINGING UNIT THING I AM LITERALLY DEAD HERE. My. Jesus.

AFTER: Yeah, I’m crying a river. Pass me handkerchiefs.

FINAL: Seungmin, stop watching Nevertheless.(Don’t. I need more heartbreak songs ty.)

13 – Wolfgang

- The song I lowkey hated on Kingdom, but it crawled in my mind and heart later. Hyunjin just added some spice heh.

14 – 애

- Not gonna comment much, this could be the worst song ever and I’d still adore it because of what the song means. And who it brought back 😊