#might actually reblog this later with the AUs I've though of

[withleeknow]

for the requests — i'll send two songs that i've liked for quite a while and you can choose the member that you see who fits the vibe?

sand by dove cameron

and

make you mine by madison beer

conversations with strangers.

pairing: seungmin x gn!reader genre/warnings: exes to ??, non-idol au (i wrote this with seungmin in mind as a celebrity/singer or musician of some sort so it's pretty vague and it's not explicitly mentioned what he actually does, so if you wanna imagine him as an idol it still fits the narrative. i can't tell you what to do lol), Angst™️! (i think. i liked this at first but then i was looking at it so much that i became desensitized to it and idk if it's that sad anymore lol); the ending is a little ambiguous maybe?, mentions of drinking, mentions of sex, could've been more edited word count: 2.9k note: this might be one of my favorite things that i've written lately but i am also in my fish freshly dropped on land era so i am fully prepared for this to flop like ass lol bye

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / request masterlist / ko-fi

I saw the end when we began You couldn't love the way I can I tried to bargain with the stars For more than half of your heart But you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand And I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand

Sand - Dove Cameron

"Why did you call me?"

"Why did you come?"

There isn't a good answer to his question, so you choose to ignore it in favor of keeping your eyes on the road, your fingers holding tightly onto the steering wheel. You don't know what to tell him. You yourself aren't even sure why you came to that bar, why Seungmin is sitting in your passenger seat right now just because he was drunk and he wouldn't let anyone take him home but you.

"I asked you first," you say. It takes an effort to keep your voice even, an effort not to look over at him.

"Don't know," he sounds like he couldn't care less, but that's always been Seungmin for you. "Old habits die hard, I guess. You were the only one I used to call."

You round a corner without even having to look at the GPS. The route to his place is still ingrained in your brain even after all this time. On some nights when you feel too stuffy indoors, you would go on a walk by yourself. Directionless for an hour or two, you just want to feel the wind wrap around your body and solid ground beneath your feet.

On these same nights, you would find yourself at Seungmin's door.

It's always unintentional, the way your feet would carry you to his home without your permission.

"Used to," you reiterate. "Past tense. You don't get to call me anymore. I'm not your chauffeur."

You feel his eyes on the side of your face. Then his voice, ever so calm and collected, "You came anyway, didn't you?"

His words irritate you for some reason, even though he means nothing bad. No malice in his voice; he's just simply stating a fact. You did come when he called, and perhaps the person that you're really annoyed with is only yourself, because why did you come?

He should be a stranger to you by now, and yet, you're here.

Maybe you know the answer. Maybe it's not a hard question at all.

You let the both of you wallow in silence for the rest of the drive. When you pull up to Seungmin's building about ten minutes later, you finally turn to cast your gaze upon him with your eyebrow slightly raised, a polite Get out if there ever was one.

Instead of taking the hint like a normal person and going on his merry way, he just stares at you with his big eyes and his hair still styled to perfection even after a night of celebrating and drinking. Seungmin loves to be difficult, this you can't ever forget.

"Well?" you press. "You're home."

He blinks, then swallows thickly. He looks around your car for a few seconds, unsure of himself. If he wasn't intoxicated, you would think he's trying to stall.

"I... I can't go up by myself," he says.

"Are you serious?"

He just nods, something expectant in his gaze.

"You're a grown man."

"Help me up." He doesn't sound all too drunk, but maybe he's just got a way of masking it because Seungmin would never outright ask for help. He's stubborn, and he thinks it makes him look weak. Incapable.

In the end, you give in to his request. You let him lean on you in the elevator on the way up to his floor, the scent of his cologne still overpowering the bourbon he had all night and it makes you just a little nostalgic.

At his door, you hold onto his waist and look away when he punches in the passcode. The door unlocks and this should be it for the two of you, your unexpected reunion should be ending the moment Seungmin crosses over to the other side of the threshold, but he just turns around and looks at you, his body against the frame of the door this time.

"There, you're home safely," you say. "I've done my part. Goodnight."

"Come in."

"Why?"

"I'm tired. Come in." And with that, Seungmin retreats into the apartment, leaving the door open for you to follow without any further explanation at all. For a moment, you stand there by yourself, not really sure of what to do. You hear him shuffling inside, before the sound of his body plopping onto the couch carries over to your ears.

What business do you have here? What business did you have with Seungmin in the first place today?

And yet, you find yourself trailing inside, closing the door behind you until the lock clicks into place. Maybe you're curious to see what the place looks like since the last time that you were here. The two of you never lived together - you weren't foolish enough to agree even though he did ask - but you were over often enough to consider this your second home.

Not much has changed. It's still the same minimalist four walls that you were used to. Same light gray paint, same black couch. Same framed signature of his favorite baseball player and same tiny crack in the decorative bowl on the coffee table. There's a photo on the credenza lying face down seemingly on purpose, but you don't say anything about it.

"What am I doing here?" you ask.

"Why did you come?" he shoots you the question for the second time tonight.

You blink at him. He only stares back.

"Why did you call me?" you repeat. "Why did you really call me?"

Questions thrown out but no answers received, like you're both running in circles, with neither of you knowing why you're even running in the first place.

Seungmin purses his lips before he stands up, the suddenness of the movement leaves him unsteady on his feet, makes him hold onto the couch's armrest for support. "Do you want some water?"

You bite the inside of your cheek. "Okay."

"Give me a second. Have a seat."

You watch as he pads into the kitchen a little wobbly, then returns a few minutes later with two glasses of water. He sits back down on the couch next to you, some distance dividing the two of you. He takes a sip, you do the same.

"Called you because I missed you," he says, casually admitting it like he was merely discussing the weather. The place hasn't changed, but maybe he has.

The last time you spoke to Seungmin was about six months ago, when he dropped off your things two weeks after you broke up. You haven't had any contact since, and that's exactly the way it should be for you and him now. You went your separate ways and that was it. A mutual agreement that hurts, but it was mutual nonetheless. For the past half a year, all he's been to you is a stranger. You know why it had to happen. You agreed to it.

But, just because you haven't talked, doesn't mean that you haven't thought of him. You wish he only crossed your mind in passing, wish your brain only conjured up the image of him whenever you saw something that he would like, or whenever you caught a glimpse of him on the TV or radio. In reality, it's been much more pathetic. You think of him almost every day, despite your best efforts to cleanse yourself of everything that's remotely related to the name Kim Seungmin. His absence carries itself with you all the time, a hollowness that seeps into every crevice of your life.

You know he means it. Seungmin doesn't lie, least of all to you. His honesty twists inside of you like a knife. Salt, meet wound.

You have no words to offer him, no response you can think of that would make sense to say out loud so you don't say anything. The only sound that falls from your lips is his name, like a warning, a plea, a consolation all at once.

But he doesn't seem to mind. Not his sudden vulnerability, not your reluctance to entertain that split second of honesty.

"I answered your question. Now you have to answer mine," he says. "Why did you come?"

"What do you want me to tell you?"

He doesn't respond right away. Instead, he takes a moment like he's mulling it over in his head. "Thought maybe you missed me too," he says eventually, ending the sentence with a bitter chuckle. "Just a little bit."

You tongue your cheek, stall with another sip of water before you place the glass on the table. On a coaster of course, Seungmin hates cup rings on his fancy table.

You lean back to rest on the couch, staring up at his boring ceiling. There are memories of you on this very couch, ones of you lying with your head on his lap as he plays with your hair, the two of you winding down after a long day. Or ones that are far too inappropriate to bring up ever again, of nights where you were both too desperate and impatient to take it to the bedroom. Those gentle reminders are still here somewhere, tucked between the cushions perhaps.

"Sure." You hum, nodding along. "Let's go with that."

Another chuckle, humorless. Though, you think he's pleased enough with that non-answer but you're not sure. He mirrors your position, falling into the couch with a sigh. From your peripheral vision, you think he's scooched closer to you, just by a few centimeters, in the process of settling into the sofa.

"My turn," you say. "Why do you want me here?"

"What is this, 21 questions?"

You shrug simply. "You asked me to come in. I'm just curious."

When Seungmin stays silent for a beat too long, you turn your head to watch him, thinking maybe he's knocked out because of the alcohol in his system. But you find him wide awake, his eyes staring ahead, looking like he's already sober.

His face is unreadable when he says, "Wanted to see something."

"See what?"

"See if something is still there."

It's your turn to remain quiet as you process his words, and it's Seungmin who has to turn to gauge your reaction.

"And? Is anything still there?" you ask.

"I don't know, you tell me. You're the one that stayed."

"Does it matter? If I say there is?"

"Of course it does."

"What would you do about it?"

He goes still once more. You know he doesn't have an answer to your question. What would he do? What could he even do? Patch things up only for them to fall apart again in a couple months? Once upon a time, you were naive enough to think that you could find a way to make it work. You had enough blind faith to think that it would all work out in the end; that if you wanted it enough, maybe the universe would let you have this one thing.

You return your gaze to the ceiling. He's shown you his cards, maybe it's only fair that you show him some of yours too.

An uncertain inhale, then the realization that this is the only time you would be able to have an honest conversation with him about this.

"Wanna hear something funny?" you ask.

"I have a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway."

It's anything but funny, and Seungmin is certain that you're not building up to a punchline. Sure, it's a little tragic that nothing matters, but there's some freedom, some comfort in that too. You can tell him everything that's plagued your mind for the past couple hundred days or so without having to worry about the repercussions. Even though not all is said, everything is already done.

"You know, you were mine before you were anyone else's," you say. You feel his eyes on the side of your face. The silence persists, and you aren't sure if you can take it as a sign to continue, but you do so anyway because at least he's not pumping the brakes on it, right? "I used to be jealous of your life. Toward the end, I mean."

"Jealous of what?"

"I don't know. Just your life, your dream. All of it."

Seungmin blinks. "You were jealous that I got to live my dream?"

"I said I was jealous of your life, not you," you correct him. "Because you always seemed to want everything else more than you wanted me."

"You make it sound like I was the bad guy." He turns a little defensive all of a sudden, an edge in his voice when he says, "That's not true."

You still remember him well enough to know that it is.

And it's not such a terrible thing; it's simply the truth. You can't fault him for having a dream and for having enough courage to see it through, even if it means unintentionally leaving you behind in the process. You could foresee the end even from the beginning. If you wanted to blame someone, you would have to blame yourself too.

You swerve around his metaphorical walls, his make-believe suit of armor. If you'd been nervous around Seungmin tonight, then that anxiety is now chipping away brick by brick the more you internalize the fact that nothing matters anymore.

"Remember your last show before we broke up? You were so happy, I was so proud of you. You belong on stage and I never wanted to take that away from you. But then I noticed the crowd, the thousands of people out there cheering your name and I realized that I would never compare to them. Their praise meant more to you than mine, and it was only a matter of time before you outgrew me to look for bigger and better spotlights.

"I'm not saying you were wrong for any of it. I don't blame you. You were always going to outgrow me. It's sad, but it's okay. I always knew that you'd have to leave me behind at some point. It's on me too; I just fell too hard too fast for someone who could never stay. It's your dream, you can't help it. But that night... that was the nail in the coffin for me, knowing that one day, to you, I would be just one of the faces in a crowd that you can't even tell apart."

It doesn't hurt as much as you thought it would. In fact, it's even a little cathartic to pour out the words that have been sitting heavy on your chest. Although it's not until a single tear spills over that you realize your eyes have welled up somewhere along the way. You quickly wipe it away with your thumb, then you feel his hand reach for yours after a few beats.

Seungmin calls your name, and you can hear the regret in his voice. When you look at him, his eyes have softened, no longer on the defense now that you've beat him to the offense. "I'm not drunk enough to forget about this in the morning, you know," he says.

"Does it matter? What are you going to do about it in the morning?" you ask. "We're already broken up. It's not like we can go anywhere from here. But at least now you know what it was like for me."

It seems to be a common theme tonight - stretches of silence in between admissions of truth so that one of you can gauge the other's reaction, trying to assess what path would be worth it to take at this crossroad you find yourselves unable to move on from.

Then he's tugging on your hand, pulling you to him until you're in each other's orbit again. Close enough for him to wrap his arm around you. Close enough that you're weak, not that you were ever that strong to begin with. It doesn't really come as a surprise that you let him.

"I..." Seungmin starts, full of uncertainty as he tries to string together a sentence. "We could go back."

This isn't a surprise either, that you're considering his words.

"What happens when it ends again?"

You can practically taste the residual bourbon on his breath when he leans into you, his lips brushing your cheek just slightly. "Then it ends again," he says, a little pained, all too selfish. "But it'll be worth it. It's worth it to me."

"What if it's not what I want? What if it's not worth it to me?"

He pulls back, putting some distance between your faces so he could see you better, the deep brown of his eyes searching for something that you're both aware of.

"You came tonight," he murmurs, as if that in and of itself is a sufficient enough explanation. "You stayed."

Not all is said, but everything is already done.

You had chance after chance after chance to leave, to shut this down - whatever this is - but you didn't, not even once. You're still a willing participant even though you've lived through this ending before. You know he loved you, know he loves you even if the way he goes about it is selfish.

Because you do know the answer to his questions. It's clear as day; anyone can see it from a mile away.

When your world eventually comes crashing down again some time from now, you won't blame Seungmin. You won't blame yourself either, despite having option to walk away from all of this right now.

Because maybe some pains are worth enduring twice, aren't they?

Why did you come? Why did you stay?

Is anything still there?

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 08.06.2024]

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Oopsie Baby 2

I've been scrounging up spoons as best I can to continue with the Jack accidentally getting Alice pregnant idea. I did a small continuation of it in a reblog replying to some tags, but I figured I'd make another proper post for as long as my spoons last.

Let's touch on a bit of the timeline for how this sort of AU might unfold. Beware of spoilers for Sunshine in Hell.

Content Warning: This post contains some spicy talk about sex and intimacy, both positive and negative experiences. I mean, how else is babby formed? There's also discussions about pregnancy, birth control, chronic illness, sickness, contemplating abortion, manipulative behavior, and a dash of overprotective sketchy yandere spice.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

As you may remember me mentioning from previous posts, Sunshine in Hell is my personal alternate continuity of the Something's Wrong with Sunny Day Jack story and won't follow the games one-to-one. For example, as I've also mentioned in previous rambles such as this one, the relationship that develops between Alice and Jack is more of a slow burn, and that includes being intimate. Their first kiss isn't going to be the same day or just a couple days before they wind up making love for the first time.

Still, the morning after they go all the way for the first time is the same day Shaun shows up to stay at Alice's place. It's just too hilarious to me to imagine how flustered she'd be about the whole thing, especially after Jack seduces Alice while Shaun is there to mark his territory.

So it'd be even more hilarious that this is when Jack accidentally gets Alice pregnant. She was already mortified and upset after she figures out he intended for Shaun to hear them, so why not have that moment cause further drama later~?

Though I suppose their first time could be when it happened as well. I mean, getting knocked up isn't an instantaneous thing. It takes a while for the sperm to reach the egg and what not, and Jack is definitely going to seduce Alice a fair amount of times before the seed that he planted starts to take root.

Which is more reason why Alice kicks herself for not buying Jack condoms. Maybe the surreal and supernatural aspect of their relationship made such consequences slip her mind. Being with Jack is like living in a happy dream, detached from the regular struggles of reality. There's also the fact that condoms are expensive, and she's barely struggling to keep afloat with her meager paycheck.

It's so easy for Alice to forget such troubling details when Jack is there, whispering sweet words into her ear, caressing and kissing her body so lovingly. He makes her feel so beautiful, desirable, perfect, and irreplaceable. It's so easy for her to get swept up by him. She's never felt so loved before. No relationship has felt so right. It scares her sometimes how naturally they fit together, so effortless in spite of challenges they face. It's nothing like her previous relationship.

Not to mention their connection causes his horny urges to rub off on her, increasing her libido. Sex with Jack is actually a pleasure for Alice, unlike previous experiences, and she's found herself hornier than ever after they start getting intimate. She never thought penetrative sex could feel so good, make her feel so connected to someone without any barriers between them.

Granted, Alice was a lot more cautious when she and Ian were together, and she always made sure he wore a condom when he was going in down south. Despite often losing control of himself when horny, and really, really wanting to do it bare, he was pretty good about making sure he was always wrapped.

Though I wonder if Ian remembered to use a condom when he cheated. I mean, he clearly forgot he was in a relationship at the time, so I'd imagine using protection would slip his mind as well. Hopefully he didn't get his affair partner pregnant. That would make things so much more complicated.

Ian and Alice had discussed having kids before, but as a far, far future thing. Though Ian was terrified about being a father, as he wasn't sure he'd be a good one. He never knew his father. The closest thing he had to a father was Alice's dad, Ambrose, and even then Ian felt guilty even thinking about as Ambrose like that, like he was betraying his mom somehow. Perhaps it was because of all his mom's talk about him being selfish with his desires and how all men are cheating scum...

Alice had yet to talk about kids with Jack.. well, outside of him being a kids TV host and being fond of them in general. Certainly, he imagined having children one day with his sunshine, but Alice was taking things slowly with Jack.

Of course now the topic is at the forefront whether they're ready for it or not.

Alice was so distracted by her new relationship with Jack and all the pleasure and complications that comes with it, pregnancy never crossed her mind. Too much is going on for that to come up.

First there's the relationship itself, then using introducing Jack to Shaun as a trial run before Alice tries to do the same with her family. This comes with the whole embarrassing incident of Shaun overhearing Jack and Alice going at it and having to deal with the awkwardness that follows. There's also helping Shaun move into his own place and getting settled in.

It's only after things settle into a new normal that Alice starts bracing herself for how she's going to introduce Jack to her family, though she's started talking about him to them without yet mentioning his supernatural nature.

It'll probably be sometime after Shaun gets moved into his place that things start seeming amiss. Alice suffers from chronic illness, and sometimes this causes her cramps, exhaustion, nausea and food aversion/sensitivity. As such, when these pregnancy symptoms manifest, she just assumes it's business as usual, more or less, even if the nausea gets pretty intense. She's learned she just has to deal with it by this point.

It's only when Alice realizes that she hasn't had her period for way too long that the thought pops into her head.

One missed period is something to take note of, but not necessarily anything bad. Sometimes a period skips a month. Two though... that's when things get dicey.

Heck, Alice could even be as far as three months in if she mistakes the light bleeding that's common to experience in the early weeks of pregnancy for her period.

It's possible Jack noticed something different about Alice. Being a ghost(?) he might possess more supernatural powers than we've seen thus far in the story. It's possible a part of him picked up on some sort of change in her warm light that he can't quite put his finger on. Maybe to him it's like she's glowing even more radiantly than she used to?

Though Jack is more focused on taking care of his poor sunshine while she's sick. Alice has to work even on days when she's throwing up. It's so unfair. If only he could work in her place. If only he could provide more. He spoils her even more to compensate, and she appreciates how far he goes to take care of her, but he can't take away all of her troubles and woes.

Once Alice has the thought she might be pregnant, that's when the fear sets in. She hesitates to say anything to Jack, at least not until she takes a pregnancy test, but it'll be very hard to hide anything from him. Since she's been sick lately, he's particularly keen on going with her everywhere, especially if she's doing something to exert herself. Still, she does manage to talk him into staying home to cook dinner while she picks up "a couple things" from the corner store, one of which being a tester.

Alice doesn't like keeping secrets from Jack, especially since they've become so intimate, but this fear feels... irrational? Like she shouldn't worry Jack about something that might not even be possible.

Like she shouldn't crush his hopes considering how isolated he is...

It's even possible she had a pregnancy scare in the past with Ian and, well... I have a feeling that would've been a very stressful situation involving a lot of tears and fears.

It's better if Alice is the only one freaking out about what might be nothing at all.

Besides... Alice is on birth control. There's no way it failed... right?

Jack does pick up there's something amiss when Alice starts acting dodgy around him. When she rushes immediately to the bathroom after coming home from the errand, he's willing to chalk it up to being related to her illness, but the feeling of panic he senses from her when she takes a while to come out has him soon knocking on the door asking if she's okay.

When Alice gets the positive result from the pregnancy test, at first all she can do is just stare at it in disbelief. She did buy a second one, just to be sure or in case she somehow messed up the first, but the result is the same.

That's when the panic sets in.

When Jack knocks on the door and Alice hears his sweet, concerned voice, that's when she has a bit of a breakdown. She didn't tell him to come in, but when he heard her sob through the door, he couldn't stop himself from rushing in.

Home pregnancy tests in the 80's weren't an easy to read stick, but a whole miniature chemistry set, so Jack isn't likely to recognize the iconic little device Alice is holding in her hand. As such, he has no idea what's wrong and needs to calm her down so she can tell him.

Needless to say, Jack is floored when Alice tells him through tears that she's pregnant.

At first, Jack stares at her, stunned, then when it's clear that he heard her correctly, he's overcome with emotions - disbelief, joy, and worry being chief among them. The idea of being a dad is terrifying, but at the same time he's elated. A part of him wants to spin her around in the air and shout for joy.

It's her fear and tears that mollifies his excitement.

Jack focuses primarily on reassuring Alice, tucking away his excitement and his own worries for later. His sunshine needs him now... as does their unborn child.

Alice is so angry with herself. She should've thought about this possibility. She should've known better... bought condoms, got better birth control, done something! It's all her fault. After all, it's not like Jack can get his own birth control, and he always dutifully follows her lead. How could she have never even thought about this before? She was so reckless.

Jack remains strong for Alice, talking her down from spiraling while cuddling her close. He gets her off the bedroom floor and onto their bed where where it's comfy. She's not hungry for the dinner he made for them, but that's okay. He can heat it up later. Right now taking care of her comes first.

The situation is complicated. Jack understands full well that this is going to be a huge challenge, but he assures Alice they can both handle it. He promised to always be there for her and take care of her after all. He'll take care of her and their child, no matter what.

Alice worries about the logistics of it. This place is too small even for two fully grown adults, let alone a baby. Her apartment in Sunshine in Hell is much smaller than the one she lived in with Ian, with only one bedroom, one bathroom, and a common room sectioned off into a living room and kitchen/dining room.

Her paycheck is pathetic. Even though Alice always makes sure Barry doesn't stiff her on all the overtime she works, it's still barely above minimum wage. She has student loans to pay off, medical bills she has to pay with chronic illness and the like... plus having meals with Jack so he can feel more like a regular human means she's spending more on grocery money. How can that pitiful paycheck stretch enough to handle a baby on top of all that?

Then of course there's telling her family. Alice hasn't even told them about her situation with Jack yet. How is she supposed to explain this?

How is this even happening?

The rest of the day is spent with Jack comforting Alice and talking her through her panic and anxieties. It worries him how upset she is by this news that overall has made him so happy. He does share with her that he's worried too, but he knows that together they can handle anything. They'll be good parents.

Alice does consider abortion as an option, but the idea is too much for her to handle. She can't even vocalize the thought. She's pro choice, but that means understanding herself and what choice is best for her. As hard as having a baby will be at this point in time, the idea of getting in an abortion... she can't even think about it. It's just too much.

Fortunately, she doesn't have to. Jack does pick up on this line of thought and how hard it hits Alice, so he redirects the conversation away from it gently. He gets her to focus on the things they can do to make things work.

It might be happening a little sooner than Alice expected, but she said she wanted to have kids one day, right? It was something she mentioned while they were still just friends (likely when finally spilling her guts about Ian and lamenting all the dreams that were destroyed there). Even if the situation isn't ideal, she has a partner who loves and supports her. No matter what, Jack will be there for her and their baby. He's taken care of her so far, hasn't he?

After quite a long and emotionally exhausting conversation involving a lot of reassurance and love, Jack does manage to coax Alice into eating a little before she finally passes out. They have a plan of action in place, to see the doctor as soon as possible to get this confirmed and make sure she and the baby are healthy. After that, they'll take things step by step.

Money is the biggest issue in this capitalist society. Jack knows it all too well. Though he runs away from memories of being Joseph, the days when he was a penniless drifter still haunt him. He won't let that happen to Alice and their baby.

It's not a good thing what Jack is considering, but he did promise to take care of their little family, didn't he? What kind of man would he be if he just sat back and let Alice do all the hard work?

Still... Jack can't bring himself to go too far (yet). He's Sunny Day Jack! Sunny Day Jack would never consider doing something underhanded and illegal, even if he really needs the money.

But maybe... a few nudges to her boss might help grease the wheels a bit. Barry is such a bully, constantly forcing Alice to come in, especially when she's sick, pushing her to work long hours, trying to squeeze extra free hours of labor from her where he can. He owes her for all of that, as well as all those days off he yanks away at the last minute and overtime he just expects her to do day in and day out.

Jack always thought Barry was taking advantage of his sunshine. He encouraged Alice to stand up for herself more and make sure she got what was owed. He helped on her end, but clearly it's Barry that truly needed the lesson here.

Besides, it's not like a nightmare ever hurt anyone before, or a few sleepless nights for that matter. Jack is just teaching a naughty boss a lesson about respecting his employees and treating them fairly. A hefty raise and some bonuses are the least Barry can do after all the suffering he put Alice through.

If that's not enough... well, Jack will just have to brainstorm more ideas about ways he can take things into his own hands.

What's for sure is that Jack isn't going to let Barry push more overtime on Alice either. If anything, she needs more time off to rest! Pregnancy is hard on the body - especially a body that's already suffering from chronic illness!

Jack doesn't go too far, at least not right away. Terrorizing Barry is something he can excuse as justified in his mind right now. Outright theft or other highly illegal activities to acquire money? Not so much.

At least... not until Ian comes back into the picture, trying to act like the hero and save Alice from her plight.

Ian doesn't find out about the pregnancy until Alice mentions it on her socials. She joined some online support groups for people unexpectedly expecting for the first time, and Ian stalks every single account and who she follows to snatch up any scrap of info about her that he can.

It crushes him. At first, Ian almost believes that it's his baby Alice is pregnant with. It must be.

But that's just impossible. They've been broken up for over a year now.

Not to mention Alice has talked about a new boyfriend in some posts. Ian was going crazy trying to find more than just some drawings she posted about him, but this "Jack" character is like a ghost, with no footprint online.

Ian isn't even sure Jack is real. After all, that face paint and strange outfit look an awful lot like the part he's been hired to play. He actually convinced himself that Alice was stalking him like he was her (which makes it totally okay!) and found out about the part, which means she's indirectly telling him that she misses him by drawing "him" as his new persona that's going to make him a star.

But Ian doesn't say as such to her. No, not with how Alice is stubbornly distancing herself. She's been vulnerable since they broke up. She nearly accidentally killed herself after finding out he cheated. Anyone could've swept in while she was vulnerable to take advantage of her then dip out when she got knocked up.

It boils Ian's blood to think of such a predator targeting Alice like that, especially after he hurt her so badly already. Now more than ever he needs to step up and help her. He needs to cross the boundaries she put up to keep him out, for both their sakes.

So Ian gets in contact with Alice through a mutual friend. Heck, maybe even gets them to trick her into meeting with him someplace where he's waiting with a bouquet of flowers and a tearful apology.

Which isn't going to go over well. Alice would be freaking out at the ambush, especially since she'd be very visibly pregnant by this point and extra emotional due to hormones.

Ian was prepared for that though. He manages to keep Alice from running away and puts his metaphorical foot in the door. He apologizes. Not only that, but he offers her money, claiming there's no strings attached. He owes her at least this much for all that he's put her through.

It's a very unpleasant conversation for Alice to say the least, but she knows Ian well enough to know he's sincerely sorry. She knows he's in pain. He might have tricked her with this meeting, but he does care... He knows she wouldn't have the heart to abort or give away her baby. She's so kind, and she'll be a wonderful mother. He always knew she would be.

Ian feels sorry for himself for a bit, lamenting his mistakes, but he's going to make it up to Alice. She and the baby need help, and he'll do that for her... It doesn't even have to mean they're back together as a couple. Conceding this point is like a spiky lump in his throat, but he reminds her how they've always been each other's best friends, and he wants to be her friend again now. He won't push anything on her. He just wants to help.

Of course we all know Ian isn't going to be satisfied with just remaining friends, but he's learned over the past year or so since they broke up how to adjust his tactics. He's had to learn the art of the deal and how to make people want you in order to make it anywhere in his model and acting career.

Is it manipulative? Of course not, Ian would insist! How could it be? He's just making things up to Alice and showing her how sorry he is. He's proving it with his actions and not just his words. If he proves it well enough then he'll be able to make amends and make things right between him and Alice.

Ian doesn't even care who the father of her child is. He's not ready to be a father, but he views it as a sacrifice he's willing to take in order to have Alice back. He'll do his best no matter how scared he is, since losing Alice has been far worse than all the what ifs and fears he built up in his head.

If not for the pregnancy, Alice would turn down the money. She left the big apartment, her old job that she enjoyed, and a lot of possessions behind after the breakup just because they were tied to Ian. She willingly threw away all that money just so she wouldn't be reminded.

But Alice has a baby to think about. Her child is far more important than her hurt feelings or how icky she feels about accepting charity from her ex. Sure, Barry has surprisingly given her a pay increase lately, but it costs so much to get baby supplies and rent a bigger apartment. Plus there's the medical bills...

It... it should be fine, right? Ian owes her for all the pain he put her through and this makes them even... right? But how can she tell him not to contact her again after accepting it? He might claim there's no strings attached, and maybe he believes it, but the emotions tied to it can't be so easily severed.

Naturally, Jack is anything but pleased by this whole thing. He can't do much to stop it, save encourage Alice to leave, but Ian keeps drawing her attention away from him with pitiful attempts to gain her sympathy. Alice is so kind. Even after how much Ian has hurt her, even though this meeting itself is painful, she still doesn't want to hurt him.

Jack does help bolster Alice's resolve to turn down the money, at least initially, but Ian is surprisingly insistent. He drops the money into her account before she can stop him. He still has her account details from when they lived together and had started intermingling their finances. Alice forgot about that since he never did anything related to it since the affair.

When Alice sees that amount hit her bank account, she's just stunned. How the hell did Ian get so much money? Sure he looked good, and he was wearing expensive clothes and product, but...

Then again, Ian has that modeling job now. He's popular. He talked about this show he got a starring role in. It's hush-hush right now, but he'll let her in on the details since she's his oldest friend.

Alice isn't interested in details. She keeps trying to avoid letting this situation get more personal... but Ian has become more confident since he moved away. He's so different in a number of ways that it's hard to recognize him... yet he's also the same in ways that are maddening and make it so hard for her to stop caring about the little bullied boy who was her only friend in school.

Jack helps Alice cut the meeting short, or at least shorter than Ian would've liked. Ian accepts her retreat reluctantly, but offers that she can contact him at any time. If she needs more money, help with anything, a shoulder to cry on, or anything else, all she has to do is ask. He's there for her... always.

Oh you bet your butt Jack has a lot to say about that sentiment.

Unfortunately Jack can't tell Ian off, at least not there. Sure, he could expose himself, write a message like he did with Shaun, but that needlessly complicates things.

They'll just need to have a private discussion later.

For now, Jack focuses on Alice, reassuring her that she doesn't need Ian or his money. She doesn't have to deal with feeling hurt or awful like she does whenever she even thinks about Ian. She has Jack, someone who loves for her and their baby and will move heaven and earth for them.

Alice did make it clear right away that she's in a new relationship with someone else. She's happy now. She even mentioned Jack by name, though that resulted in Ian giving her strange look she couldn't quite understand. He didn't seem as crushed as she expected him to be. He even asked about Jack, and Alice declined to answer, not wanting to prolong the conversation.

Ian caught how Alice winced when he asked to meet Jack, maybe get his phone number or photo. Her avoidance of any of these just felt like proof to him that he was right about the identity of this "boyfriend" of hers.

The entire encounter was stressful, and felt far longer than it actually was. Alice was left feeling a bit conflicted and unhappy with herself for letting Ian get to her like this. Fortunately, Jack was with her the entire time. It was reassuring to have him holding onto her while she had to face Ian. He gave her the strength she needed and made dealing with suck an icky situation just a bit easier with his reassurance that it was okay to just leave Ian behind. Jack continues to reassure and comfort her after the meeting, which she needs badly after being so shaken.

Keeping the money is something Alice is the most torn about. She doesn't feel good about it, and Jack says they don't need Ian's help, but... they do need money. She's living paycheck to paycheck, and the baby isn't even here yet! She's barely keeping her head above water.

Can Alice really let something as petty as pride keep her from giving their baby a good life?

Jack has been helpful the entire time. His help has been invaluable. Alice doesn't think she could hold it together without him. This money doesn't take away from how important Jack is to her or how much she loves him. It doesn't change who her baby's father is.

Jack can't do anything his sunshine doesn't want, and that includes returning the money.

So Jack will just have to take matters into his own hands. As long as Alice doesn't need that money, she won't feel pressured to keep it.

Alice also won't have to feel obligated to let Ian back into her life if Ian is the one who decides to leave her alone once and for all.

Alice was right that a parent can't let their pride get in the way of taking care of their child. That includes Jack's pride in being the flawless role model of Sunny Day Jack.

So what if a law or two is broken? It's not like the law applies to someone who doesn't legally exist. Jack might as well take advantage of this almost nonexistent state he's in to get away with things no one else can.

Ian might have a lot of money to throw around, but Jack can do so, so much more than Ian could ever dream.

Jack just has to figure out a way to not get caught by the only person who can see him. It's not that Alice would reject him for what he did for her and the baby, oh no! It's just not good to stress her out more than she already is.

Alice doesn't need to know, just like she doesn't need to know about the person Jack used to be. He's still clean as long as she doesn't know. Jack can stay clean and perfect and everything Alice will ever need.

Things might've gotten a bit out of control, but that's okay. Jack can fix it. He's quite the problem solver. All Alice needs to do is take care of herself and love him with all her heart, just as she's been doing.

Jack has been given a second chance. He'll never let anyone get in the way of that.

I think I'll wrap things up on that fun yandere note, as I'm starting to run out of spoons. Maybe next time I can go into the King family's involvement and how Jack might try to win over his new in-laws despite a lot of obstacles standing in his way. I hope you enjoyed this ramble about the drama that comes with unplanned baby making!

[tamsinswriting]

Free Fanfiction Idea to Good Home

Howzit All

As anyone who knows me knows that I have a ton of fanfiction and other writing ideas and that I try to work on as many as I possibly can (currently sitting at 18--3 gifts, 1 Coco fanfic, 4 Star Wars fanfics, 2 TMNT 2003 fanfics, 4 Good Omens fanfics, 4 Original stories)

The problem?

I've had 7 more Good Omens fanfiction ideas that I'm forcing myself not to work on, but they're taking up too much headspace.

So, I thought that I'd share them here, in case anyone feels like taking a crack at writing them. That's not to say I won't pick them up later when some of these are off my plate, but it won't be for a while.

If any of these appeal to you, please let me know (and tag me if you write them!)

Perfume AU. (Either human or as angels and demons)

One of the Ineffables is convinced that the ordinary perfume they made is actually a love potion so they believe that all the romance coming from the other one is fake or a compulsion. (It's real, they're just being daft)

2. A Wedding Date AU

Inspired by the movie with Deborah Messing in 2005, Aziraphale is heading home to England for his brother, Gabriel's, wedding. He decides that, rather than face his family alone, he'll hire Crowley, the escourt, to be his boyfriend. (I saw similarities between Gabriel and Kat's sister in the movie, which is why Aziraphale is Kat and Crowley is Nick, though I probably would change the plot so there's no "win back the ex"

3. Marry Me AU

I heard about a movie with J-Lo, where she is a famous singer who plans to get married on stage in front of the world. But, before she says her vows, she finds out that her fiancé is cheating on her. So, she sees Owen Wilson's character in the crowd holding a "marry me" sign (he's not a fan, his friend forced him to go to the concert) and says "yes" so they get married. This sounds like an Ineffables human AU to me . . .

4. Fae Au

One of the Ineffables does a ritual where they end up married to a Fae (they had no idea that's what the ritual was supposed to do). The Fae Ineffable is, however, bound to the Fae court and has to either get the human's true name to enslave them or make them fall in love and break their heart to amuse their ruler. They end up falling for the human.

5. Arranged Marriage AU.

One of the Ineffables is fed up with dating and being alone, so they hire an matchmaker to facilitate an arranged marriage (which are done for many reasons by the company, from hiding your sexuality to getting tax benefits). They end up married to the other Ineffable. Could be Strangers to Lovers or Enemies to lovers. Lot's of pining, though.

6. Reverse Female Omens.

Aziraphale is a female demon posted on Earth while Crowley is a female Archangel. Crowley tried to reach out when the whole "Flood" thing was happening, but the demon wasn't interested (Aziraphale wanted to be friends, but Hell commended her for trying to get an Archangel to Fall and so she rejected Crowley's friendship in case it happened) But now Armageddon is approaching and the two might have to work together to avoid it.

7. Blood and Chocolate AU

Loosely inspired by the movie (I didn't really like the book). Aziraphale is a werewolf and his pack (led by Gabriel (yes, the movie character had the same name)) is pressurising him to take a female mate, despite knowing he is gay, as they believe his bloodline is powerful. He's trying to avoid the problem as much as possible. Crowley is a monster hunter who had ended up in Aziraphale's city looking for werewolves. They meet, but don't realise that the one is a monster and the other is a monster hunter.

There they are: the ideas that are brewing in my head. As I mentioned, if anyone wants to write them,. please feel free. Just tag me so I can read them (and, if you don't want to write, please reblog so these ideas can find someone to write them.)

[djsherriff-responses]

Welp, instead of actually watching Captain Laserhawk itself, I went and scoured through your posts to find a way to fix my AU. I know. Weird thing to do considering what you post. But you've gone and did your job, woman! So here's some things that I looked into because I still tried to take your criticism to do more research on the show and its themes and such (please let me know if I've gotten even one thing wrong):

Dolph barely had a proper childhood and was mainly treated as a weapon ever since he was a teenager, maybe even younger than that. It wasn't until Alex broke him out and… well… y'know… before abandoning him later on.

With Jade (since my AU involves combining the looks and personalities of the characters from their original games and CLH), her CLH personality… clashes with her BG&E counterpart, having more of an extroverted personality and yet being more inexperienced with some things in comparison to BG&E Jade who, while more introverted, has more experience with fighting and such. I'm not sure if I can work with this (I mean, as an ambivert, I'm pretty sure I'm aware of that term), both Jades have been, from what I've read, night and day.

Sarah and Bullfrog are meant to be parallels to each other(?)

According to a post you made, there are also biblical symbolisms that aren't just "America is Eden now, suck it". Alex's betrayal to Dolph is reminiscent of Judas betraying Jesus, and the talk Rayman and Bullfrog had has some resemblance to the forbidden fruit of knowledge. There could be more, but that's all I got from you.

Rayman was meant to be a mascot made for children. You mentioned that Dolph and Alex made him lose his job, but as of writing this, I never looked so deep into that, though from what I presume, maybe it was something not-kid-friendly they did? I also found out that Dolph and Alex encountered NijiRed at some point, so did they lead to the scene where Rayman snapped at the guy? There was a wasteland war at some point and a few of the characters lost their biological parents there O_O

In a reblog you made, I discovered that my AU is actually somewhat similar to Raye's "Orphans of Eden AU" (without the orphans ofc). Jade and Dolph being adopted siblings, Rayman being a double agent of sorts to help the good guys while struggling to keep his job, Pey'j… not… actually being weird towards Jade… there could be more parallels, but it's weird yet interesting that I've made my AU to have some of OoE's elements.

That's the most I've looked into, I might send you more if I do find any, but this is all I have for now :>

I cannot stress enough that if you’re gonna make a CLH au that’s specifically meant as a parody of CLH, you really should watch it (or change it where it’s not a parody but still comedy or whatever). But if you won’t watch CLH, I at least suggest you read @quixtrix posts regarding the show because I’m just one person with my own biases and thus I’ve missed details

Im assuming Alex isn’t romantically involved with Dolph in the au still? You should probably give the pair a deeper connection since Alex ends up sleeping with Pagan and Dolph catching them is a significant moment

Honestly get it, doesn’t exactly help that Jade has some of the crappest writing in the show. It just depends which version of her you’d prefer exploring (same with Pey’J)

That post is just a theory on Bullfrog’s possible backstory due to him being an Assassin and Sarah being a Templar. There’s stuff that’s likely not going to happen in the actual second season (Bullfrog and Sarah’s mothers being important characters the most likely)

Yep, there’s also themes criticising late stage capitalism and destructive ideologies (such as Alex’s belief in “burning it all to the ground”)

WATCH THE SHOW! (To be as spoiler free as possible, Alex ends up causing a massive ruckus that the niji 6/power ranger knock offs have to fix, Red/leader of the team says racist things against aliens on live TV and that causes Rayman to swear at the guy)

Raygirl’s orphans of Eden au is cool

[halfratsalready]

Help me figure out what fic to write next! ✨

I feel like I’m in a weird limbo after finishing the first arc of the Lose Yourself series and I have a few ideas floating around in my head for what to write next (after the Wanderrose fic exchange, at least), but I have no clue which one to focus on.

So if you happen to like my silly little stories and want a say in what my next fic is, I’ve got some ideas and a poll below the cut! 💕

Idea I: Dark & Angsty Murder Mystery 🔪

I've discussed this one on here before so it might sound slightly familiar, but this would basically be Angst: The Fanfic. If you thought any of the Lose Yourself series was angsty, this fic is probably 10x worse. Part of me worries it's a little bit too dark to be a Just Dance fic. Multiple murders (though not described in detail), an intense attempted murder (that is described in relative detail), and some of that patented Night Swan mind control, plus some supernatural elements later on. But also a sizeable portion of it is Brezziana and Disocball playing detective and trying to solve a rash of murders, which should be very fun, in a weird and kinda dark sorta way.

Wanderrose ft. best friends Jack & Brezziana. Also featuring Discoball, Sara, Mihaly, Mothigan, Cygnus, Felicia, Boss Witch, Si'Ha Nova, and Agent D

I have the first chapter and a half written of this one already. It would be 9 chapters total.

Idea II: Angsty Jack-Centric Post-JD24 Fic 🥀

This is an idea I've had for a while but haven't really gotten around to properly outlining. This is based on my theory of sorts that Night Swan exploited the wrong weakness when targeting Jack in Dance With the Swan, where she realizes after the events of JD24 that she hadn't done it right and approaches it from a different angle. Basically just a lot of Jack-centric angst, a lot of Night Swan & Jack interactions, and a world where Treasure Jack may or may not actually become more than just an illusion...

A lot of Night Swan & Jack but definitely featuring at least some Wanderrose. Also featuring the Just Dancers, Si'Ha Nova, and the Traveler, and maybe some others.

I haven't even outlined this one yet, so I have no idea how long it would be.

Idea III: Significantly Less Angsty & More Random Self-Indulgent AU (Actually a "Silly Little" Fic This Time, For the Most Part, at Least) ✨

I've been toying with the idea lately of an AU where Leda and Sara were sisters on earth and Sara has been searching for her sister. I think it would be fun to do some intentional canon divergence (and not just have my fics' canon be derailed by a new event). There's a few directions I've considered taking this in, including Jack ending up on earth (there's like two or three ways for that one to happen and like two or three directions I could take it in) or Sara's adventures in the Danceverses just going really differently.

Still a lot I'm not sure about with this one but it's been bouncing around my head since Night Swan: The Prequel dropped, so here we are. Definitely would have Wanderrose cuz they own my heart.

The Poll

I have no idea which idea I really wanna commit to following through on first. Every time I think I'm leaning towards one, I end up leaning towards another. So I'm throwing these out there in the hopes that a few of you will be able to help me out with your opinion!

If you wanna share your thoughts in the comments or reblogs also, I’d love to hear what you have to say, so I don’t have to wait the whole week for the poll to finish to be able to see which idea(s) is/are getting the most interest!

[idoodlestuffsometimes]

Brother's Keeper AU:

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How did Caleb live so long? How can he still be here after 400 years?

A: Belos wanted him to stick around and so he made it happen. As for specifics: *shrugs* your guess is as good as mine! This is something I've preferred to leave up to the readers. I will simply confirm that he isn't hiding any goop powers or OP palisman-given magical abilities. He is, for all intents and purposes, a regular human who is somehow really, really old.

Q: If Caleb is still alive, where did Hunter come from?

A: The full story here hasn't been told yet, but you may notice Caleb is missing quite a few bones...

Q: Caleb's ears are pointed! Did Belos cut them??

A: Correct

Q: Does Caleb know about the Collector/the basilisks/Belos' plans?

A: Probably! He's been Belos' sounding board for 400 years. Access to things that could "further corrupt him" or provide him a tool for escape, however, are off limits, so there are many things, like the Collector, that he's heard about but never seen for himself.

Q: Where's Flapjack/Amity/Darius/etc?

A: This is basically a canon divergence. If you haven't seen a particular character, it's safe to assume for now that they're up to whatever they were doing in canon.

Q: I don't get it. Why is Caleb insane?

A: I suggest you reread the first few story posts, my friend! You have fallen for Belos' lies.

Q: Do you have a posting schedule? When will the next part come out?

A: There is no posting schedule. I draw (mostly but not always) traditionally in my free time, for the fun of telling a cool story, and some posts are longer than others. That means the timing of the next post depends on how long it is, how much time I have, and whether or not I'm at home with access to my scanner. Sometimes this means I post quickly. Sometimes it means you'll see me next month. Sorry about that.

Just know that if I know there's going to be an extended wait, especially one where I'm not actively working on the next drawing, I will make an announcement about it. If you haven't seen an update in a while but I also haven't said anything, it's almost definitely because I'm actively chipping away at a part of the story that's taking me longer.

Q: Why do some of the story posts have a letter after the number? Are these less important than the regular story posts? Can I skip them?

A: No, I Do Not Recommend skipping them! They are just as important as the others. They have a letter on the end because they were added later and I use letters as a way to avoid renumbering everything. If you see story posts labeled something like "3, 3A, 4", they are meant to be read the same as you would if they were "3, 4, 5".

Q: Can I make art/fic/cosplay of this au?

A: Knock yourself out! If you post it somewhere, please include credit, but otherwise I don't mind, and actually love seeing what you do with it! If it's NSFW though, please keep it in appropriate spaces with proper warnings.

Q: Wait there's fic/fanart?? Can I see?

A: If you look through the tag on my blog "BK fridge gallery" you can browse any content shared with me that I've reblogged. :) People are free not to share it with me too though, and there are some I don't reblog, especially if its gorey or suggestive, so you might be able to find a bit more elsewhere under the Brother's Keeper AU name if you look for it.

You may also notice I have a featured tag called "BK Soundtrack." That's for songs that people have suggested to go with the AU. You are welcome to browse or suggest songs of your own ;)

Q: :( I sent an ask but you didn't answer. Did you get it?

A: Probably, yes. Sometimes it takes me a few days to get to it. However, if it was theorizing about future plot points, I may actually be holding onto it with plans to answer at a more appropriate time. I like to keep many of my plans for the story close to the chest, so don't be surprised if your theory ask disappears only to show up many months later when the story has progressed to a point where I can give you a more in depth answer.

[such-a-barbarian]

Thanks @callivich for some fun questions! and thanks to @jrooc and @zutaralesbian for the extra push to actually sit down and think about these! haha

What’s a fic you’ve read more than once?

Oh man, the better question might be is there a fic I've only read once. haha. If we are talking about fics I've reread the most then probably Cooperative Gameplay and Like Real People Do by Grayola, Sexual Harassment in the Workplace by Shamelessquestions, The Only Fans series by GallavichGeek13 and every single fic on this soulmate AU recommendation list. I am a chronic rereader - it's a problem. lol

What’s a gifset you always have to reblog?

Dock scene. Always the dock scene.

What’s a fanart you love looking at?

@darthvaders-wife's Kinktober collection is insane. I'm not ok about it.

What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration?

I really loved the movie Nimona and have thought a lot about a Gallavich Goldenheart crossover. If you have not seen Nimona yet 1) I highly recommend it and 2) this probably won't make a lot of sense, but... Like does it take place during their training years? Sure. Are Mickey and Ballister childhood best friends from the wrong bloodlines to be knights? Probably. Has Ian been forced into knighthood because of his bloodline? Also probably. Do Mickey and Ian somehow meet through Ballister and Ambrosius and immediately hate each other?! For sure. Do they fall madly in love when they realize they have more in common than they originally thought?!?! Obviously!

Anyway, I am not a writer so this will just stay a lovely little idea in my head.

What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else? I had only ever dabbled in fandom before this, so I had no idea soulmate AUs were a thing. And oh boy do I LOVE soulmate AUs!

What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of?

I haven't really gone out of my way to look for any, so maybe there are a ton and I just don't know about them, but I'd love to see more historical AUs! I'm also open to recs even though I already have 20+ fics on my "to read later" list. What's one (or ten) more!

What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship? "It had flaws, but what does that matter when it comes to matters of the heart? We love what we love. Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a thing because. That's as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect." From A Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss

What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale?

They will eventually become parents and you will never convince me otherwise. I also think Ian will eventually get out of their business and go back to school to become some type of mental health counselor or advocate or I don't know, but he needs to help people.

The original questions are here if you feel so inclined! @lupeloto, @krystallouwho, @sgtmickeyslaughter, @francesrose3, @juliakayyy, @catluvver118, @transmickey, @tanktopgallavich or anyone else!

[riagraie]

The Extinct People of Balance: Harmonizers pt2

WOOOOO PART TWO!!!!

Ok so as a recap, in part one I discussed: Where Harmonizers Came From What The Lost Realm Is What Is In The Lost Realm How The Lost Realm Fell

And ofc there was some extra lore stuff put in there. If this is the first part your seeing, I highly recommend you go see the first part otherwise this stuff might not make sense.

This is a long one gang, buckle up.

What is a Harmonizer?

To start off, I'm saying again, Harmonizers are an original species I've created that come from the 17th realm called The Lost Realm. I'd also like to mention, Harmonizers in modern day Ninjago (so Dragon's Rising Season 2 Part 2) are extinct except for two people.

That set aside, all the information from here on out will be about the Harmonizers when they weren't extinct.

I'm cutting it off here just bc there's A LOT of shit below.

If you have any questions, comments, or ideas, please comment, reblog, or send them to me! I love getting stuff about my au (i've gotten like 2 things but my braincells jumped around for 30 minutes straight bc of it)

General Notes:

Harmonizer's are a humanoid (2 legs, 2 arms) species with some non-human characteristics. I'll talk about their physique later on. They can either be male or female and require both biological genders to reproduce.

They come in 2 different "sub-species." Or as I like to say, factions because the two factions can still produce viable offspring if they interbreed. The 2 factions have different appearances, characteristics, and abilities.

Before I dive into the factions, I have to talk about the abilities of Harmonizers and what common traits all Harmonizers have.

Traits:

All Harmonizers have a few non-human characteristics in common which could change/alter depending on your faction and abilities.

A set of horns/antlers. Harmonizers can have either horns or antlers. I say antlers bc they look more like extra pointy antlers than horns lol. They can range in height from being 4 to 14 inches tall, and in width though most are thicker where they meet the skull and get thinner as they go up. Those statistics are dependent on genetics.

Sharper canines. Nothing major, but if you look to long, you are able to notice the canines of Harmonizers are just a bit bigger and longer than normal human canines. This is also depending on genetics.

Pointed & rotational ears. They have slightly pointed ears, (think half elf but less of a curve), which can turn or rotate up and down depending on the Harmonizer's mood. For example, if they just got good news, the ears may be pointed upwards. If they are angry, the ears will be pointed to the ground. This does give them a slightly better ability to hear as well, but nothing much better than a human's ability to hear. They do have sensitive ears so don't scream in them.

Glowing eyes. Harmonizers, no matter which faction, can see perfectly in the dark. For them, pitch darkness is like it's mid-day in the room/area. However, as a downside, their eyes glow like they have mini flashlights in their eyes. So they cannot be sneaky at night unless they have their eyes closed. This also means Harmonizers are very sensitive to light, especially after a period of being in darkness.

Skin markings. While the color of them changes depending on your actual skin color and your abilities/faction, all Harmonizers have full body skin markings that can range from being straight lines to swirls to loops to a couple dots, it really doesn't matter. The general shape of the markings (like thickness or the actual line shapes) depends on your genetics.

Black fingernails. Harmonizers have black fingernails that are usually naturally pointy like little claws. They aren't long, the longest recorded fingernails being at most an inch.

Natural beauty. For no reason other than character development and plot for Hanna, Harmonizers are naturally attractive. While they have different body types (hourglass, pear, apple, stick, etc.) they almost always will look attractive to another species. They have symmetrical faces and do not struggle with acne the same way humans do.

Otherwise, Harmonizers have normal human characteristics.

Other Physical Features:

THEY ARE TALL AS FUCK. Which is why Hanna is 5 feet 10 inches(177.8cm). She'd be taller if not for her human genes muting the height factor.

Adult Male Humanizer height, regardless of faction can range from 7 feet 2 inches to 8 feet 10 inches. Or, 218.44cm to 269.24cm. Adult Female Humanizer height, regardless of faction can range from 6 feet 8 inches to 8 feet 7 inches. Or, 203.3cm to 261.62cm.

They also don't know what being obese is, most of them having good to great muscle tone. So weight is in accordance to the average weight for their height and gender lol.

Harmonizers can have any skin tone and/or hair type. You could see a black Harmonizer with dreadlocks just as much as you could see a white Harmonizer with beach blond waves. Hair color and eye color, I know darker skin tones for humans means probably black or brown hair and eyes. For Harmonizers, this doesn't matter. If you part of a specific faction but have a skin tone that conflicts with the specifications, those conflicts wont happen lol.

Abilities/Powers:

Harmonizers are able to control 1 of 3 abilities with the third ability only being known to exist within 2 alive or once living Harmonizers.

The first ability is control of the Essence of Peace.

The Essence of Peace looks like either white or yellow/gold mist. It's function or how it can be controlled is similar to Scarlet Witch's magic from Marvel. In general, it's connected to the aspects of being like Life, Renewal, Growth, Continuation, Stability, and Community. The Essence of Peace, when housed or utilized by a Harmonizer can be used to undo destruction (like the Ladybug Miraculous after defeating an akuma lol), bring on fertility, heal active wounds, calm conflict, and give people a sense of serenity in the mind.

This may sound like it is a tranquil or steady power to control, but a Harmonizer who uses/has it is just as able to use it for negativity as Krux and Acronix were able to use their elemental powers for evil. The Essence of Peace is sometimes referred to as the Power of Control since it can so easily rectify "negative" situations without the consent of others.

The second ability is control of the Essence of Chaos.

The Essence of Chaos looks like either a lavender or dark purple mist. It's function or how it can be controlled is similar to how benders from the Avatar cartoon/anime control the elements. In general, it's connected to the aspects of being like Death, Decay, Despair, Conflict, Closure, and Isolation. The Essence of Chaos, when housed or utilized by a Harmonizer an be used to cause destruction(Like Chat Noir lol), cause illness or wounds, vegetation to decay/rot, cause conflict inflicting emotions, and give people a sense of hysteria in the mind.

Just like The Essence of Peace, the Essence of Chaos can be used for either good or evil, just because of what it is related to doesn't mean a user of Chaos can't use it for good or positivity. The Essence of Chaos also has a special name, it's name is the Power of Turbulence because it's uses may come off as disastrous or negative, the things it causes are just a part of life so they are necessary in a way.

The third ability is the Power of Discord.

Yep, the third power able to be used by Harmonizers is the power of Discord, Hanna's abilities. The only other person who has been able to say they are the user of Discord is Fuwa, who is Hanna's ancestor.

The Power of Discord looks like either a combo of purple and white mist, or is silver. The power function's like Lloyd's powers in many ways but can also be used like the Essence of Peace and Chaos.

This is connected to both The Essence of Chaos and Peace, The Power of Discord is a combination of both so in turn, it is connected to the same things as both and can be used to do the same things as both.

I'll explain why only Hanna and Fuwa can use the Power of Discord later on.

Factions

So, now that I've got the powers explained, I can explain what each faction of Harmonizers is and why there's separate ones. Something to note however, the Females of this species are referred to as Ladies and Males are called Lords. They have no royal status it's just what I decided to call them lol.

The first faction are the Lords and Ladies of Peace.

As you can guess from the name, this faction can use The Essence of Peace. Only this faction can use this Essence and as such, they take on characteristics of the Essence.

They often have lighter hair colors like blond or white but they can have darker versions of these hair colors that are like medium (dirty blond, red heads/gingers, etc.) They also have a specific kind of eye color to them. The whites of their eyes remain white ofc. The iris can be blue, green, yellow, or amber, sometimes light brown.

I mentioned above that skin tone is just skin and has no relation to hair and eye color for Harmonizers. This still stands. A Lord/Lady of Peace could be black as hell but have the blondest hair and bluest eyes ever seen. The only thing which remains to their skin tone is the hair type.

I mentioned before how Harmonizers are humanoid with non-human characteristics. Well, for Lords/Ladies of Peace, these are what the non-human characteristics can look like.

Horns/antlers: - usually antlers with 2-4 connection points to the skull and around 6-10 off shoots from there. - they are also usually white, yellow, or light brown in color with a gradient towards the root(connection to the skull) that matches the skin tone and/or markings.

Skin markings: - usually more straight in shape but more in number and less thick. - the markings color changes in how dark or light they are depending on the Harmonizer's skin tone so they can still be seen. But in general, Lords and Ladies of Peace have gold, yellow, amber, orange, pink, or white markings.

Eyes: - Lords and Ladies of Peace have normal eyes except for the pupil. For humans, the pupil is black. For them, it is pure white just like the actual whites of their eyes.

The second faction are the Lords and Ladies of Chaos

Noo... I wasn't lazy with naming, I just found the names fitting. This faction can use the Essence of Chaos. Only this faction can use the Essence of Chaos and as such, take on it's characteristics.

They have darker hair colors like black or brown but can also have medium shades of the hair colors just like a Lord/Lady of Peace. They also have a select few eye shades. Unlike those of Peace, Lords and Ladies of Chaos have the whites of their eyes as pitch black. Otherwise, the iris can be light shades of purple (lavender mostly), darker shades of blue (navy), dark or muted shades of green (sage), browns, blacks, and deep shades of purple.

Just like the first faction, skin tone doesn't matter for hair type n shit.

Also just like the first faction, the non-human characteristics change.

Horns/antlers: - Most have horns with varying structures (think the different horns in My Little Pony). They can have 2 - 6 horns or 1 to 3 sets. usually, one set will be bigger than the other two with each set getting smaller. - The horns tend to be darker colors like dark purples, blues, dark greens, browns, blacks, and at times very dark gray.

Skin markings: - usually more curvy in shape having multiple swirls and off shoots. They also tend to be thicker - They also change how dark or light the color is based on the Harmonizer's skin tone. But most of the time, they are black, dark purple, dark blue, dark gold and orange, or brown.

Eyes: - The only thing going on is that the whites of their eyes are black instead. Everything else remains normal lol.

I was going to do more BUTT this is again a lot of stuff happening in one post. So I'll be putting out a part three with some pictures of what the Harmonizers look like. I'll be using Gacha Life 2 for the general designs just because I don't feel like drawing people from scratch.

In part 3, I'll explain more about the lifestyles of Harmonizers, how The Lost Realm fell more in-depth, and how Hanna (my oc) is affected by her Harmonizer genetics since it is such a distant relation.

[gramophoneturtle]

October 2024 Update

Heyo it's been a while! Hope folks here are doing well. I haven't been making a lot of stuff recently, but I've made some good progress with my site and finally got RSS feeds working!! (More on that below.) There's definitely visual improvements it needs but it should still be pretty decent to navigate around the site! It's more important that I get my art and details on there while uh... social media sites are still functioning.

(I did download an archive of this blog, just in case. Although maybe it's easier to use that instead of the website's archive. Ah well.)

I'm still posting primarily on pillowfort, then my site, and then bluesky. I'm not super into bsky but it fills the role I used for twitter for updates. And even though pifo's funding goals has been hit pretty consistently this year, the funds it has is currently another 3 months (Jan 2025). For each month it hits, the longer it can go on, and it at least has a buffer and is transparent about finances. This why I'm still focusing on my site, so I'll another place to store my work.

On to more details!

Website

I've got RSS Feeds! Got different feeds for All Updates, Art Only and Site Only. You can find links to them on the home page and the footer of each page, but RSS feed readers should be able to detect them anyways. Hoping to have Writing Only and Crochet Only one day when I a) have more than one batch of Writing and b) have a crochet section!

As above, there is a Writing section! Currently, 3 are from my crochet posts on pillowfort and one has only been posted on my site and pillowfort since it's OC focused (Null, Chisa and a bit of Father)

Artworks have a link to Related Series/AUs. They're like the Master Posts I have here for stuff like Composer Neku AU

New Artwork is added some time after being posted to pillowfort and old artwork is still being added in small chunks. Sometimes alternate versions are added that weren't posted on Tumblr. Looking back on older pieces make them not feel as incomplete as they did before

This has been around for a while but on each artwork page I have a "Posted On" section that will list any active social media site and a link to the actual post that I made with the artwork. So while the site doesn't have a guestbook (one day??) if it's posted on another social media site you're on, you can like/reblog/comment/whatever from those links! The cohost ones are there but I might remove them later since I think cohost should be in read only mode now...?

Other Stuff

I haven't been drawing as much but it's been mostly OC stuff. I have WIP for TWEWY stuff cause I feel a still little aimless at the moment for making art or I run out of energy and motivation to finish pieces more quickly than usual. Doing site work is definitely taking away from that, but that's just how it is!

Timelapses should be returning! A new computer means I can actually record timelapses from start to finish for a piece, instead of recording them in batches and stitching them together later. The first timelapse in a while is on Youtube featuring Null!

I think that's pretty much it. I did take a break from streaming on Twitch but I'm pretty much back to weekly streams. I did a test crochet stream last week and finished making a little jellyfish so I'll be doing more of those too. Since the last post, I've made a little gray cat and a Null jellyfish.

[femboy-luigi]

Welcome to my blog!!!

[PT: Welcome to my blog!!! /end PT]

You can call me Pasta, though I'm also fine with going by my username or any variation on it.

I joined Tumblr almost a year ago, but I'm making my introduction now because executive dysfunction literally would not let me do it sooner. /lh

Click below to read on!!!

About Me

[PT: About Me /end PT]

I am an adult (college student), and while minors can certainly interact, I'd like you to keep that in mind when we speak to each other. Also, I have heaps of anxiety, compounded with being autistic & dyspraxic, so please be patient with me. In terms of pride stuff, I'm an aroace transmasc demiboy who uses exclusively he/him pronouns. I may also occasionally mention being fictionkin or having a severe food allergy, though I do have a separate blog to talk about the former.

I typically reblog things related to my interests, which currently include (in order of strength, with my lifelong special interest always first): The Muppets, Project Sekai, game shows, various children's media, and more.

Besides engaging with my interests through consuming relevant media, I've also taken up voice acting lately, and I enjoy listening to music.

Please read my Do Not Interact list, linked below. As cheesy as the phrase is, this is a safe space of mine, and I'd like to keep it that way.

PLEASE READ

[PT: PLEASE READ in all caps /end PT]

Tags

[PT: Tags /end PT]

#weegee's posts - any time I Actually Talk

#reblog - my many reblogs

#pony tag - for ponies (usually MLP G3)

#weegee's agere tag - for any regression-related things I post or reblog

More could be added later, so feel free to check back another time :)

Other Blogs

[PT: Other Blogs /end PT]

@tsukasa-pegasusman - fictionkin/permashift blog (tagging it doesn't work for some reason)

@an-officers-crisis - selfship blog???

@alternative-kamishiro - AU RP blog

@ask-trans-mmj - RP askblog I've yet to fully set up

@flower-and-pegasus - inactive college AU RP blog (just wanted to make that connection)

A Final Note

[PT: A Final Note /end PT]

While I tend to avoid current issues, serious subjects might occasional be spoken about here, usually through reblogs. So, this isn't always the safest place for regressors or syskids to hang out.

Conversely, if age regression makes you uncomfortable (I can understand avoiding it for traumatic reasons as long as you respect its existence), I suggest blocking relevant tags, such as the "#project sekai agere" tag.

If I ever do something in a misinformed way, like RB'ing content from someone who should be on my DNI, please let me know. I'm always willing to learn.

Keep in mind, however, that it takes me a while to respond to asks or DM's. I ask for your patience, as I am a Human Person with limited energy and a life outside of Tumblr.

Thank you for your understanding.

[iamstuckinthevoid]

Intro!!!!

btw if ur my moot u can tag me in anything (ik some people get nervous abt that)

Pronouns: she/her

Sideblogs:

@iamstuckinthevoidreblogging3

@yassified-slenderman

@in-stars-time-and-zombies-au

(If its not on here, its not mine!!!!)

Warnings:

I'll probably post about s/h, it's all tagged but just a foreword to blacklist that shit (eg: tw sh, cw sh, tw sh mention, cw sh mention, etc.) Also don't worry abt me I've been clean for a while (and do not want to kill myself this is mostly just jokes abt it)

Fandoms I might talk about (or if you want to talk about them just dm): Moral Orel, DHMIS, DDLC, FNAF, The Stanley Parable, BATIM/BATDR, Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel (only critically though, fuck vivziepop), Heathers, The Good Place, JTHM, Squee, Invader Zim, Red Dwarf (please talk to me about this one), Doctor Who, I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, Cult of the Lamb, Mindless Self Indulgence, NIИ, American Psycho.

DNI:

I don't care what you do tbh I'll just block you if I don't want you on here (EXEPT ADULTXMINOR OR INSCEST SHIPPERS) (oh and Mercedes owners, you know what you did)

Age: I'm not comfortable saying exactly, but I am a minor

Shit I post: art, ocs and writing stuff. I mostly just reblog shit I can actually contribute to tho.

Uquizzes:

(Silly friend group stuff)

(Totally not a cult)

(Smorky)

(Quiz from that time i went to an open mic lol)

(I regret making this I WAS A KID WHEN I WAS CRUSHING ON THEM OK??)

Tags:

#this is literally amazing- stuff I really like.

#this is literally so funny- stuff I find funny.

#keys speaks- original posts, most of my older ones don't havi this one so whoops.

#keys speaks of irl- irl posts, ditto for the above.

#GOD BLESS KING AND COUNTRY- complaining about where I live/UK stuff.

#Keys&Toddney- some ocs

#smorkposting- click on that tag here and see him yourself.

#keys if they were written by vivziepop- for like EXCESSIVE swearing (I actually don't care about censorship it's just a funny joke)

#art- self explanatory.

#ocs- ditto.

#asks from the void- asks

#complaints department- being a pissy lil bitch

#useful- stuff that is informative

#useful for later- same thing

#Keys speaks of The Void- in character stuff for Keys (my sona), feel free to give them an ask!

#shadow guys- my shadow dudes

#ghost oc- that guy

#manniquinn guy- minnie the tiny ass bitch

#ian core- shitty haircut man

#cherri- robot girl

[innerchorus]

Gurgin for the ask game, pick and choose whatever numbers you want! It's a free-for-all! :D

I probably am gonna ask you about Shapur, Isfan, and Kubard later too because of course I am

I said I wanted to answer every question for him and I wasn't lying. Thank you for enabling me! (Ask game post is here, for anyone else who wants to send something in / reblog it themselves. I have a few others to answer already which I'll get too asap now this post is done, but feel free to send in more!).

My first impression of them

Just one of a handful of evil masked guys. Best mask design by a long way, though.

2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

I first got curious about him when I read about his backstory and found out about his shared past with Farangis. Honestly I'm not quite sure how I got to the point where I love him as fiercely as I do now, but I know I started shipping him with Zandeh after seeing art by @strangeshipper and it built from there. I don't know. I just find him really interesting.

3. A song that reminds me of them

I know I've mentioned You Are The Blood by Sufjan Stevens before, but also Don't Worry, We'll Be Watching You by Gotye (POV: you are being recruited by Team Zahhak).

4. How many people I ship them with

Always with Zandeh. OTP status for sure. I have considered other stuff (such as the Zandeh/Gurgin/Parizad OT3) though. And Hilmes/Gurgin in Mage Hunt AU. And if anyone wants to suggest other ships for him, I'm listening.

5. My favorite ship of them

Zandeh/Gurgin, obvious answer is obvious.

6. My least favorite ship of them

I don't know whether anyone actually ships it but Gurgin/the Master.

I won't lie, it's crossed my mind, but my headcanon is primarily that although the Master was once interested in stuff like that he's been alive for so long that he doesn't really have those sorts of urges any more (overlaps a bit with my thoughts on how the type of magic that Team Zahhak use might affect sexual desire, I don't think I've directly mentioned that before but the basic concept is that it can warp it from its baseline just as it warps their bodies, and results vary from person to person, but it's quite common for it to be either dulled or switched off completely and kind of goes hand in hand with the headcanon that their magic renders them sterile).

Gurgin in Sacrifice AU falls into that category, he doesn't completely lack interest but his focus is dominated by his work for Team Zahhak and by the time the AU picks up his story afterwards he's also underweight and depressed so his sex drive is basically 0. And then he meets Zandeh, and gets better, and realises what it's like to want someone so badly you can't think of anything else, lmao

(My headcanons for Gurgin vary a bit in this respect depending on the AU, though. There's probably an AU out there where his desire never returns or he never had any in the first place but even in that case I still see him and Zandeh as life partners and feel they'd work it out somehow.)

7. A quote of them that you remember

What he says when he's rallying his comrades at the end of Book 7 after their Master is (temporarily...) killed: "Let those who do not respect the Snake King Zahhak boast of their victory! Three years, just three years is enough. At that time, they will fall from the peak of joy to the bottom of the valley of despair. The higher they climb, the further they fall!"

It's primarily the last line that sticks in my mind. If I ever make the Gurgin playlist that I daydream about so often, I'd definitely title it 'The Further They Fall'. Anyway, that's actually the last line of dialogue from the final scene of Book 7 (the last book before the timeskip). A very ominous way for it to end, right?

8. Your favorite outfit of them

He has One Outfit. (He would've worn something different when he was a trainee priest, but there's no description of it. A manga flashback to that time feels much less likely now, but you never know, maybe Arakawa will decide to reveal a little of Farangis's backstory before the end… my one hope…)

9. Your least favorite outfit of them

One Outfit, and I love it so no complaints. But I wish Arakawa had planned to adapt the second half so I could see him getting drenched by the rain in Soleimaniye.

10. Describe the character in one sentence

My blorbo who did lots of things wrong.

11. What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?

Huh, this question made me realise that in the mental picture of Gurgin that first pops up when I think of him, he's not wearing his mask. His hood is up, though, and he's in Team Zahhak black. Maybe it's because I've been thinking about the Magical Healing AU more recently, where his appearance is often like this.

12. Sexuality hc!

He doesn't waste much time thinking about it, but he's mainly into men. However, I do headcanon that he had a crush on Farangis when he was young.

13. Your favorite friendship they have

This question makes me sad because I don't see him as someone who's ever had many friends. I don't think his peers at the temple liked him that much (though honestly I think he probably felt quite indifferent about this). There were a handful of other trainees he spent time with, but his closest friends were probably his brother and Farangis. There's certainly no real evidence of friendship between any of the Team Zahhak disciples.

He deserves more than having one-sided conversations with winged apes! Was that mainly for exposition purposes in canon? Perhaps, but it's also a result of a lack of human contact — the novel makes it clear that the mages feel loneliness as their numbers dwindle, and at that point Gurgin is operating alone and hasn't heard from his remaining comrades for a while.

(He absolutely does talk to Hamkar from time to time in Sacrifice AU before Zandeh arrives on the scene, too.)

14. Best storyline they had

Is there anything about his canon trajectory that I really wanna label 'best' lmao? I mean, I wish things had turned out different for him but I do find his loss of faith / corruption arc interesting. Though that's because I also love to think about a future for him where that all gets reversed.

15. Worst storyline they had

His involvement with what went down in Oxus, probably. Oof.

16. A childhood headcanon

You know, I haven't spent much time thinking about what his childhood was like (aside from Mage Hunt AU specifics that differ from whatever a general /baseline headcanon would be). I guess the only thing I feel certain of is that he and his brother had no other siblings, and whatever region they grew up in didn't have much to offer in terms of creating a better life for themselves, and that's why they ended up at the Temple of Mithra in Khuzestan. (Tentative headcanon is that he grew up in / near the Nimruz mountains.)

Aghriras entered the priesthood because of ambition, and that reasoning makes sense for Gurgin, too (they're azat, freeborn commoners aka the lowest social class above slaves, and if they want to climb above the few opportunities that affords to them then it's either joining the priesthood or proving their merit on the battlefield) but I do think that to a certain extent Gurgin followed his brother.

lmao I can feel a backstory headcanon forming even as I type this.. like, what if their father died or left them when they were young (Gurgin probably doesn't remember him much) and they were raised by their mother, who wanted them to have a better life than she had? She wouldn't have wanted them to face the horrors of war, so she encouraged them to work hard on their education so that they could find their place in the priesthood. Perhaps she, too, had passed away by the time they left for the temple, so at that point they only had each other. I feel like Gurgin didn't have any close family after his brother died.

Oh no Gurgin, are you desperate for recognition from your Master because you never had a father figure? Fuck.

17. What do you think their first word was?

Eh, probably some variation of 'brother' or 'mother' (with the headcanon above). I feel like most first words are… not that interesting.

18. How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc)

Curious and intelligent! Asked a lot of questions. Easily frustrated when things didn't go his way. I imagine at school he had trouble making friends as he both sought approval from his teachers and thought himself superior to others who were not as clever as him, plus he could be impatient with others. (He was, in general, a bit better about all of this at the time he joined the priesthood, but when he's with Team Zahhak all those negative traits are brought to the fore.)

19. The most random ship you've seen people have with them

Well, I'm not sure this really counts but sometimes I'll ask my boyfriend really weird ArSen questions out of the blue, and recently I asked him "give me a Gurgin ship" and usually when it's something like that he'll try and pick something at random that he thinks I won't like… He said Gurgin/Farangis.

(No, he didn't remember that they knew each other. And I can't think of a way this would work but it sure gave me a whirlwind of feelings to think about. The thought of something happening between them because of shared grief, years after they last saw each other? It's so angsty and messy. If something did happen I think Gurgin would feel immensely guilty for it, but I'm not sure about Farangis. I feel like she might be able to compartmentalise it as something that happened that shouldn't have done, and move on. She'd handle it better than Gurgin, at any rate.)

Wait, my Hilmes/Gurgin ship is pretty random I suppose? Think of that as an alternate answer. Zandeh/Gurgin probably qualifies too given that they don't ever meet in canon, but I can't see it that way now, not after spending so much time thinking about them together.

I've also had very vague thoughts of yeeting Gurgin back into the past, but would I ship him with anyone in that circumstance? Eh, not sure.

20. A weird headcanon

I'm sure I have many! The 'he likes hot baths' headcanon is a pretty random one that came from 1. reading that the real Mount Damavand has some pretty nice hot springs near it (which in ArSen verse are probably disgusting bubbling sulphurous poison mud pits but whatever), and 2. the fact that he probably had a bad time during the flooding of the Dark Temple and it amuses me to imagine him enjoying water in a different context? I just want to let him relax from time to time? He works hard, he deserves it.

I want to write a bath scene for him in Interlude (Magical Healing AU). Or I keep thinking about a comedy scene of him at one of Ecbatana's bath houses with a gaggle of bird-faced beasts for company, because it amuses me.

Here's another headcanon: he's pretty bad at archery. It was taught at the temple, but it didn't interest him much and he wasn't that motivated to work on his skills, even though Farangis tried to instruct him. As far as weapons go, later on he uses a Team Zahhak-typical knife, which he wears strapped to a thigh like Farangis. (He still has it in Sacrifice AU! Chekhov's Snake Knife lmao.)

21. When do you think they were at their happiest?

When he was at the temple with Farangis and his brother, before things went wrong. Other than that, he was pretty fucking ecstatic in Book 16 when the Master said that he would be his successor (disregarding the fact that it's because there is literally nobody else left at that point lmao). I'm not sure I believe the Master was ever planning on stepping aside, but whatever.

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

After his brother's death.

23. Future headcanon

The whole of Sacrifice AU, I guess. Just anything where he makes it out of Team Zahhak and tries to lead a different life.

24. What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?

I love this question. I wouldn't necessarily know the answer for every character but I do have a headcanon for this for Gurgin, and that is that no matter how vehemently he protested his brother's innocence, a small part of him wondered whether Aghriras really had done it. I don't think he'd ever admit that to anyone (except perhaps to Zandeh in Mage Hunt AU, where Gurgin's backstory adjustment gives him very good reason to hope that Aghriras had killed that particular person). The fact that Aghriras's innocence was later proven only makes it much worse.

25. When do you think they acted the most ooc

I don't think any of his canon scenes are OOC? Is that what this question is asking? I may not like what he does, but none of it feels unbelievable.

26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

Maybe I'm picking this just because it's before he went down a dark path, but I think the conversations he used to have with his brother back when they were at the temple are pretty typical of his true self. The little flashback conversation we get in particular gives the impression of someone who's curious about stuff he maybe shouldn't be, and is attracted to power, but it also shows that he was willing to listen to his brother's guidance. I don't think he'd have ended up with Team Zahhak if his brother had lived.

Otherwise, his Book 16 decisions that get him killed are unfortunately also peak Gurgin, at least in his Team Zahhak era.

27. If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who would be the most fun for them to meet?

Either (or both) of the Devil Forgemasters from Castlevania, 100%.

28. The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Killing the dog at the temple. Or lashing out and cutting off the hind legs of a winged ape (a creature that is on his side, and under his command!) when his plans started to go wrong in Book 13.

29. How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?)

Honestly, not great but not as bad as he might think. But it's not something he wants. Thoughts of having a family aren't really on his mind (except for AU instances where he's worried it's something Zandeh might want that he won't be able to provide).

30. The funniest scene they had?

Okay, Gurgin's not actually present in this scene but it's hilarious to me so I'm choosing it: after the winged ape attack on Soleimaniye in Book 13 was thwarted, Kubard and Narsus are discussing what happened. They don't know that Gurgin was the one in charge, but Narsus's opinion is that it couldn't have been Ilterish (the usual commander of the demon army) because Ilterish would've done a better job, lmao. Sorry Gurgin but your inexperience is showing.

Anyway, that's the end of the questions! Not sure how many people are interested enough in Gurgin to make it this far, but like... if anyone does want to talk about Gurgin with me... my inbox is always open...

[aiyexayen]

helloo!!!!!!!! itse me from ao3 (oh that rhymes!) im a chatterbox as well, i love long comment/reblog chains and generally talking about stuff im passionate for a normal amount, and after reading your reply i had a question that i thought, why not drop into your inbox and ask you (if you want) to share a bit of your process behind writing The Only Place You Wanna Be!!!! my initial question is actually that im wondering whether at any point you were uncomfortable, like, exhaustingly uncomfortable when tackling gx/wkx/zzs as a rarepair. because when i write and im trying to break some mental barriers of my own i oftentimes need to take very long breaks frequently to rest. uve written rare ships before but mentioned in your reply that it stretched u to write this fic, despite becoming passionate along the way. what about the fic challenged you, what is it that was difficult to explore? and what had u be very enthusiastic about? also, when i was reading the fic i kept wondering how u were gonna handle gx/cwn, in what manner u where going to address it (if at all), and i really liked what u settled on, but did u have different ideas for it? do u have ideas for how it might look like when cwn returns home alone? (if u would like to share) im wondering if gx is now firmly in the wenzhou camp or if she might be going to experience her romance with cwn later too? i think that could work really well, because he is her peer and has different views and thoughts about the world and society at large than wenzhou, which i think is still smth gx would/could be drawn to. like, wenzhou are very jaded, they have to relearn how to love and trust etc, and gx in a way has to as well. in canon her cute romance with cwn is a way for her to experience mundane young adulthood. do u think thats smth that could still happen, that would still attract her, and that would fit into the new dynamic of the AU uve written?

hello hello!! i also love talking about things a normal amount so you've come to the right place and i'm so glad you asked. [chin in hands] i would be completely delighted to talk about the only place you wanna be, because it's truly one of my favourite stories i've written thus far.

first--was i exhaustingly uncomfortable at any point writing this fic? i honestly wasn't! it wasn't an 'easy' ship to write, i.e. one i'm very comfortable in the dynamics of and don't have to think overly hard about. but i was not particularly uncomfortable, either (i do know what you mean, though--i've had ships before that have made me uncomfortable and i've had to really sit down and rest between wrestling through my thoughts on it)

hands down the biggest thing i struggled with was the question "what the heck does zhou zishu find so compelling about gu xiang?" not because she's not absolutely charming, but because zhou zishu is not easily charmed.

the wen kexing facet was easy--the way he and gu xiang grew up together and saved each other from the horrors of gui gu puts them in such a state of enmeshment, their bond so full of complex emotional tangles and twists that all i really have to do is tweak the strands and bam! ship.

but zhou zishu and gu xiang? i had to really sit with that facet, turn it over in my mind like a rotisserie chicken, because anytime i've put them in proximity before it's just been this volatile-yet-fond bickering that doesn't really go further, or get them closer. zhou zishu is prickly, and aloof, and only diverted from his self-destructive bent by one wen kexing. and in this au, he already quite contentedly has said wen kexing. what does he need some charming girl for? what has he ever needed a charming girl for?

i thought gu xiang could easily find a whole host of things in zhou zishu to like and admire, many of them not dissimilar to what wen kexing sees in him. but how the heck would they come together? how would it go beyond gu xiang's crush on this super impressive, stupidly beautiful guy?

i took a hard look at my other most favourite ships with zhou zishu (han ying, xie'er, jing beiyuan, ye baiyi, liu qianqiao) and sorted through what things i thought he might care about in a person, outside of "is too stubborn to let him push them away" at least. i realised i really had to face my gu xiang and interrogate her more serious side, ultimately, as much for the sake of figuring out the ship vibe i wanted as for writing her as a compelling pov character. because for a character like gu xiang, a good portion of her seriousness happens outside of her conscious awareness of it. it's all background noise against which the bright flares of her imperiousness shines very distractingly.

but really, she learned from the best; her silliness and her brashness and the whip of her tongue are just another version of wen kexing's smooth flirtations and gently waving fan. she's clumsy and charming while he's elegant and disarming, but aside from him being a thousand times more intentional about it, they're not altogether that different of masks. after all, gu xiang was taught to kill first and ask questions later, no matter who may or may not be innocent. she grew up with the firmly-seated knowledge that she was not human. and even when she was a literal baby, she smiled when she was hurt because to do anything less was to risk being abandoned.

and, most damningly, gu xiang cares. she cares deeply, and thoroughly, and she gets attached even when she shouldn't, even when she knows better. she takes to humanity so beautifully.

and i realised that if i put someone like that into zhou zishu's life, into zhou zishu's once-abandoned home, and let her breathe life into the place, i could make my problem *his* problem and that suited me much better.

it's really two sides of the same coin, what i wrestled with the most to get into shape and what i was enthusiastic about. like with most rare ship challenges, i find it compelling simply to do said wrestling. i enjoy sitting down and hammering out the details of character dynamics--what they find compelling about one another, what draws their eye, how they fall in together, what makes them stay. or not, as the case may be sometimes.

i was excited to dig into the challenge of this ship and this fic, because i knew once i started getting the pieces hewn into shape it would be very satisfying. i was excited to tackle a siji arc au that was a new flavour, and write something really properly from gu xiang's pov that explored her arc of stepping onto the path to the human world through a new angle and from the inside.

i was particularly excited to dig my fingers into her relationship with wen kexing--not even really from the ship perspective (i mean, you've read this story, it's almost not about the shippiness of the ship at all until the very end) but just them.

i have a lot of ideas for someday-fics where gu xiang is more present in the plot and i get to explore her and wen kexing's relationship, in any capacity, more intensely. i have so so so many feelings about the two of them, no matter which hats you want to put on their dynamic. and this fic was really my first larger-scale opportunity to do some of that examining and reveling.

they were just two kids in a world of ghosts, clinging to one another until they could get out. a teenaged boy half-raising a little girl, full of rage and spite and the confidence and inexperience of youth and the wholesale abandonment of humanity, teaching her how to eschew it from an even younger age than himself, teaching her how to be a killer to keep her safe--and then playing games with her behind closed doors, making snowmen for her when she cried, letting himself be silly and warm in spite of everything. they're a master and the maidservant that attends his whims. they're a gui gu guzhu and his right hand that stands ready at attention to keep every secret and enact his plans on the jianghu.

they're so many things--each other's first priority, most trusted person, with the kind of knowing that only comes from years and years. the loyalty. the love. the way wen kexing's plan always made room for getting gu xiang out into the world to live a human life as its ultimate goal, the way he couldn't help but continue to lean on her assistance and keep her close and project his own fears even as he kept trying to push her away into that human life he wanted for her. the way he needs her, the way he tries to push her away anyway and rescue her from the fire that he plans to let consume him. the way he's so proud of her and so terrified of how similar she is to him at the same time. the way she's grown up into a better woman than he could have hoped, not in spite of him but because of him, and the strength she shows in being able to embrace even the parts of them both that built them into who they are, in a way wen kexing has never been able to.

it drives me absolutely banana pancakes sometimes until all i can do is wail and point at them emphatically.

anyway, a fic in which i got to explore gu xiang choosing to stay at her zhuren's side over choosing to follow his orders--letting her desires override her duty, letting one kind of loyalty and one aspect of their dynamic rule over another--in which wen kexing has to gradually come to terms with his plans for her being utterly and completely foiled, come to terms with the fact that she isn't rejecting the human path but instead is absolutely going to keep walking it while dragging him down along it with her, that all his hopes and dreams for her are coming true except with him in the picture. ugh. i'm legitimately going to cry just talking about it lmfao. which is another very good reason this fic happened from gu xiang's pov.

i'm going to put a header here because this has gotten unconscionably long and you also asked about cao weining. so. here we go.

regarding cao weining

i would like to start off by saying he is my precious bean and i love him. but as much as i like cao weining and gu xiang together in canon, they are not otp material for me. i find it quite easy to break them up, largely because they are young and their bond at first is pretty devoid of genuine understanding or deep connection.

cao weining's persistence, a soft mirror to wen kexing's, and his graceful handling of a traumatised ghost, a soft mirror to zhou zishu's, both pay off in the long run. but it's not too hard for me to conceive a world where they didn't.

in this particular au, i think cao weining will always have done much to teach gu xiang about being human, and about what she wants in that regard. and cao weining will always probably be a little bit in love with her, because he strikes me as the kind of person who's a little bit in love with all his friends, and still holds a little bit of a candle for every person he's ever fallen for before since his very first crush.

but one of the things i like most about writing, particularly au's, is the nature of choice, and how the choices we make define us. it's not just that you can become someone different, it's that you are always, constantly becoming someone different. and at every stage of yourself, you look back and the road you took may seem perfectly logical, may seem like of course that's who you were going to become, because you only see the road you've taken to get there. but if you took a different path, if you made a different choice, and then each choice based off that choice, and looked back, wouldn't you feel the same way about that road? that's the way i like to write my au's.

so in this case, gu xiang didn't make that first crucial choice to be with cao weining instead of wen kexing. she didn't dutifully listen to orders, and let him say goodbye. she didn't let that distance from her zhuren, that closeness with cao weining, define her, and she didn't make subsequent choices based off that one, leading her down the road of canon. she didn't keep choosing cao weining--didn't choose to not only be with him but to be like him, to go back for shen shen to save gao xiaolian, to openly confess her desire to be human with him and be the kind of human that she thinks could stand at his side as his partner. still feeling that love, that loyalty, for wen kexing, but allowing love and loyalty to cao weining to grow up alongside it as the months go by.

instead, she chose wen kexing. she chose to follow him and stay close to him, even going against his wishes, against his orders. she chose to get involved in his new life with zhou zishu and zhang chengling, in all their daily intricacies instead. to make zhou zishu living or not into her problem, too. to make their home her home, and then defend it.

i'm being so long-winded about this, my apologies, i just love tracing all these little paths out, because i do so much of this thinking when i'm writing and it never gets said anywhere XD this isn't even really what you asked. but i guess, the conclusion of it is, to this end, no, i didn't really think of any other way their relationship could go at this point than to split here.

cao weining's loyalty to his sect being compromised in favour of staying with gu xiang *at* siji shanzhuang is an interesting concept, but it feels considerably less flexible of a choice than gu xiang's, and ultimately, this fic wasn't about him, so i was content to let him choose his sect first here. he does so reluctantly, but since he has that loyalty to his sect, he can only understand gu xiang's loyalty in turn, and part with that understanding, a little bittersweet but with his optimistic hope to reunite someday in better conditions when all this is over.

and i do fully think that they will reunite. but in that time, they'll have each done an awful lot of growing and changing. you really hit the nail on the head there, that gu xiang's romance with cao weining is a way for her to experience a mundane young adulthood, and take that path to growth together with him.

in a lot of ways, i think she's essentially forfeited the possibility of doing that in this au. it strikes me a bit like an imperial court drama--she had the choice to run away with her young lad, to be a new bride with a new groom, young lovers regarded as such by the narrative and the people around them, given space to indulge in this youth and build their own concept of a household together and grow up into the world at their own pace. and her other choice was to be inducted into a noble lord's household as his second wife, to enter into a space that already has define edges and considerable growth under its belt, and to grow up a bit faster into the responsibilities of her station, with the trade-off of, perhaps, a bit more security.

and sometimes--most of the time--the story is indeed about the young woman running away into freedom and romance. and this story is the alternate path.

by the time gu xiang meets cao weining again, she will practically be the lady of siji shanzhuang--something more than a housekeeper and less than a wife. i don't think she'll have had to grow up too fast for comfort, i mean, have you seen zhou zishu's sheer capacity for mischief? but i do think she'll have transitioned out of the phase of endless possibility that leaving gui gu afforded her, and into a place where she feels more secure in what she wants and who she's becoming. she has a place to belong, and responsibilities to live up to that go beyond the whims of a volatile zhuren.

and in turn, by the time cao weining meets gu xiang, he will have had to face the entirety of the revelation of her ghost-ness without her there as a counterpoint. without even the comfort of having gotten to know her so much better to lean back on to explain his disquiet and doubts. (i actually have a little oneshot i kind of want to write about him running into shen shen in that town, without gu xiang to pull him away)

he'll have faced the rest of the battles to come side by side with his sect, and have needed to find someone else, perhaps even there among his shixiongdi, to lean on. the du xie attack, the perceived betrayal of his shifu. it's a lot. maybe he'll have found some renewed place in his sect through that hardship, without gu xiang there presenting a clear way out. or perhaps he'll choose to leave, but wander alone. he has a lot of choices to make, still, and anything could happen.

but either way, by the time the two of them meet up again, they'll be very different people than they could once have been to one another, even if they're still very much themselves in all the ways that count. if they have any kind of romance, it will necessarily be more grown up.

he is, though, still more gu xiang's peer than either wen kexing or zhou zishu, and i don't think that cao weining has nothing to attract her. i think she definitely has the need for peers that can see eye to eye with her.

wen kexing and zhou zishu ride the generational line between all the horrors of the previous generation's grudges and the potential of the coming generation's healing past them. but for all gu xiang was raised in gui gu and suffered for it, she was also sheltered in a lot of ways by wen kexing. and she has a particular brand of optimism that someone like cao weining (and like gao xiaolian for that matter) can match. and while chengling can match it, too, i have distinctly other plans for him in this au.

i think it would actually be really sweet if gu xiang and cao weining and gao xiaolian end up quite close, once everything is said and done. and if this occasionally involves little trips to see one another in which she spends nearly as much time in bed with one or the other of them as she does at whatever restaurant cao weining has raved about in his letters lately or playing hide-and-seek with gao xiaolian's children, well, who's to say?

as long as she comes back home to wenzhou, how can they mind? they probably get off on rewriting the poetry of marks on her skin to fit the shape of their own lips, the dorks. not like she's any better either, the way she'd learn to taunt them and goad them about it right in front of all the disciples' salads all evening. pff.

anyway. i've been going on for ages and i'm not even going to go back and proofread this because i'm lazy. i hope some of this was entertaining at least, and feel free to reply more! though, as you see, asking questions is dangerous and you never know how long, and redundant, and irrelevant the answers might be XD

[amtrak12]

Recently, I realized grief is my primary theme in my Lucifer fics and ideas. More than the theme even, grief is the entire plot of a one-shot I'm editing and the sequel to my current epic WIP. But I'm firmly in my mid-thirties now, so I figured that's just where my head is at in recent years. You go through cycles in life and I'm simply in my 'grief era' as some might say.

Except that's not actually true. I am successfully writing complete stories centered around grief right now, yes, but I've actually been trying to write about grief for a full decade.

Not in my Doctor Who fics, though grief is embedded in the plots.

Not in my Ghostbusters fics either. Those were written out of a mix of spite and love and explore… well I don't really know what they explored. shrug

No, my focus on grief got started back around 2014 (or 2013??) with a Bering and Wells AU that (honest to Jo) was inspired by an innocent Casper gifset @itcameuponamidnightqueer reblogged. I spent YEARS trying to write that AU. I had a ton of worldbuilding and plot elements, but I just could never find the story. There was a clear beginning (er mostly clear) but no obvious middle or end. The concept was just too big and amorphous for me to wrangle at the time. But damn if there isn't something still haunting in it.

When I remembered this, it made me want to put all the story elements together in one place again. Now, I certainly talked about this AU idea before on Tumblr. You can dig back into my 2014-2015 archives, possibly even 2013, and find messy rambles about it. And I haven't actively worked on the idea since Ghostbusters 2016 was released so some of the details are fuzzy now. But in case anyone can spot the story this was trying to be or if anyone's simply curious, here's what I had for this Bering and Wells ghost AU:

Like I said it was a Casper gifset that sparked the inspiration. Specifically, the 'Can I keep you' scene if I remember correctly. With it being late 2013, I was obviously utterly drowning in WH13/B&W feels, and we were all writing and brainstorming full-fledged alternate settings AUs. So of course, my immediate thought was 'ghost Bering and Wells AU' -- except I thought 'what if Myka's the ghost?' Because HG is the obvious candidate, being the historical figure, but I wanted to put a twist on it and then got really obsessed with the idea of ghost!Myka… and it all spiraled from there.

I decided on a modern setting, 2014, and then went college aged -- possibly because I was only a few years removed from my own college years at the time, but also Myka's relationship with her father/family as a whole ended up playing a huge factor in the world-building so that could've influenced the ages. I don't even know where to begin here because again, I never had a real plot, so let's just dive in I guess.

Helena Wells, age 20, an engineering (? of sorts?) student who Caturanga took on as an intern for his work. Now, Caturanga is effectively studying ghosts, though he dresses it up in fancier terms. I can't remember what his research goals were, but identification and communication were certainly the first two steps.

Usually when I age HG down, I make Christina a baby sister who she either lost or is estranged from to keep that aspect of her backstory. This time I decided to center her grief on her father who I made up for this story as also someone sciencey and someone Helena really admired and was close to. But he died in a car accident a few years ago (technically he might have been hit by a car while crossing the street but I can't confirm that). So Helena is interested in Caturanga's research because she would love to at least talk to her father again and refuses to believe he's fully gone. Resurrecting him is not currently her goal, though could easily come up given later events.

Caturanga isn't looking for the flashy haunted locations. He's looking for the mundane and preferably newer ghosts because they would be closer to the living and thus easier to talk to. He hears about a house in Colorado Springs in the US that can't keep a resident longer than two years so he chooses to study it. He and Helena rent it with plans on staying for a year.

Obviously this is Myka's childhood home and she is the ghost haunting the house. So what happened to Myka?

It's 1994 and Myka Bering is 19 years old. Her father still owns a bookstore, though they live in a separate house rather than an apartment above it. She still has her sister Tracy who I believe I made 15, so four years younger. Myka had been enrolled in college at the University of Colorado - Denver, but when she decided to switch majors from pre-med to pre-law at the end of her freshman year, her father complained about her indecisiveness and wasting money and pulled her out of school. He said, she could return to college when she had saved up enough money to pay for it herself.

Myka was gutted because she wanted to finish her degree so badly. She also hated leaving the friends she had made and tried to visit them as much as possible once school started back up that fall. One night when she drove up to visit her friends and boyfriend (Sam, of course), she lingered too long and arrived back home after curfew. Her father locked her out of the house as punishment, leaving her to sleep in the car in the garage where she left the overhead light on. There was an electrical fire that night. Myka didn't wake up in time to get out and she died.

Okay here's one of the rabbit holes I got super distracted by while trying to plot this out: Tracy's reaction. Because this whole thing is supposed to be a Bering and Wells AU, so clearly Helena and Myka are the main characters, right? But the more I obsessed over this story, the more prominent Tracy's role became. This was a tale of two sisters, dual POVs, each grappling with their rough childhoods in different ways. Except, there's also still the plot of Helena finding Myka, befriending her, and ultimately resurrecting her (more on this later), so how the hell were these things supposed to be balanced and woven into one coherent plot?? It was beyond my skill level. :S

In my head, Tracy had managed to skate under their dad's strict thumb throughout her childhood, largely because she just didn't care what her dad said and always opted to do her own thing. Myka did care what their father thought and tried to follow the rules which made the times when she didn't seem like more of an offense. Oldest child syndrome was also definitely at play where the youngest just gets away with more. So when Myka got pulled out of school, Tracy was less sympathetic and more 'you brought that on yourself.' I mean, it's not like Myka even needed to admit she changed majors. Colleges don't send report cards to your parents. She could've kept her mouth shut and stayed in school.

Tracy 1000% blamed their dad for Myka's death though. The electrical fire was an accident and no one was to blame, but he locked the door and didn't let Myka sleep inside that night. Therefore it's his fault. Myka was right about him this entire time. He's not just an annoying or strict dad, he's abusive. (Something Myka never said and will later disagree with though her own feelings towards their dad are certainly complicated.) Tracy's grief becomes anger and even hatred and builds until she emancipates herself from her parents and leaves home at 16. She spirals for a while (partying, reckless sex) before pulling herself out and finding some help to deal with her grief. She puts herself through school and becomes a social worker. By 2014, she's married and has two very young kids, one of which I'm 99% certain I named Micah after his aunt that he never got to meet. Tracy periodically takes them to visit Myka's grave, and did I write one of those visits in my multiple drafts? Yes, yes I did.

Making her a social worker both seemed fitting for her arc in this setting and is a helpful connection to ghosts when a certain little 10-12 year old (can't remember the exact age I made Claudia but it might have skewed towards 10) continually gets flagged in foster care because she insists she's talking to her brother's ghost.

On that note, let's jump back to the actual ghost plot. So in this universe, ghosts exist as amorphous blobs that can't be seen or touched by the living. At best, you can talk to them. Claudia can talk easily with Joshua because he's only been dead for a few years and immediately began following his little sister around. He's never been isolated. Other ghosts often are. It can take up to a couple of years for a ghost to become aware of their surroundings and new existence and if their loved ones are no longer in the same place, they might forget about their previous life.

This is what happened to Myka. Her family left the house immediately after the fire. Her room was empty when she regained awareness after her death and so her memories slipped away. After twenty-years of isolation, Myka doesn't remember ever having a physical body and doesn't even remember her name.

But she reads still. She remembers books and has stolen many from whoever was currently living in the house. She stashes them all away in the closet of her old bedroom and when these stashes are found and thrown out/reclaimed, she just starts again. Sometimes she only had one book to read over and over and over again. Other times, she had many. The reports of moved/missing books is what flagged this house as haunted.

Now, I said the living couldn't touch ghosts and that's because ghosts can't really interact with objects. It involves remembering being alive and corporeal well enough to remember what touching something like a doorknob feels like. Most ghosts can't do this without a lot of interaction with living people to jog their memories. Myka being able to touch books (only books but still) is rare and a huge discovery.

Helena finds Myka first. (Well, she finds the open book on the floor with pages moving on their own.) Communication is slow because Myka isn't used to speaking, so Helena has to figure out who this ghost is on her own with some good old fashioned cross-checking property records against obituaries. It's a bit of a gut punch to learn the quiet, book-obsessed ghost is a girl around her age.

(By book-obsessed, I don't mean just reading them. Ghost!Myka is very, very territorial and protective of her books because they're the only things she's owned since she's died.)

Helena and Caturanga's research involves a lot of equipment to try and sense a ghost. They manage to fine-tune a scanner to see the invisible ghost. This is when they learn ghosts are really just blobs and not a full-fledged body like the stories. Though, over the course of their tests, they do see Myka form pseudo-hands to carry and read her books which brings up all kinds of new questions for them to pursue.

I remember Myka never went through walls either. She could pass right through solid objects and would whenever a door was unexpectedly closed on her. But it always pinged her mind as Wrong so she would skirt under doors and around objects to get around the house. She never left the house -- though again, experiments with Helena later prove she can leave. It's a mental block. This is her house, even if she can't remember living there.

Helena works hard to get to know Myka and slowly befriends her as Myka re-learns how to talk to someone. The more she talks, the more Helena asks her questions, the more her memories return. Some of them return easily. The more painful ones, she fights and tries to forget again. She never looks out the kitchen door at the side of the house where the garage once stood. She doesn't want to talk about it.

Eventually, as Myka's learning how to grasp other objects and open doors herself and Helena's getting more and more attached to her (and feeling more and more outraged that Myka died so young), we hit a tipping point where Helena tries to take Myka's hand. Or more accurately, she asks Myka to try and take her hand since she still can't see Myka. The time Myka finally manages to touch her is when she suddenly returns with a physical body, alive once again. Apparently, a living person touching a ghost leads to resurrection.

This is where I got lost down another big rabbit hole. I was absolutely obsessed with Myka's struggles to adapt back to the world of the living. Think about it, right. She's existed without physical sensations for twenty years. Now suddenly, she has a body again. Everything's too loud, too bright, too much. Clothes hurt. Having to use energy to walk, hurts. Food???? A sensory nightmare. And when I was brainstorming this and noodling around with google, I learned about sensory processing disorder and OH MY GOD did that just send me deeper into the rabbit hole. I was so, so distracted by this topic and wanted to spend forever exploring Myka's initial months alive again. Do you understand why I could never find the plot? I was way too lost in the details to find the tent poles of this story.

Once Myka has learned to take care of herself again and has some coping mechanisms in place to help with the constant 'too much' struggle of being alive, her first desire is to return to college. Not see her family. It's been twenty years and that's still too much to tackle. But she'd been desperate to return to college when she died so that's the first thing she wants to do now that she's been resurrected.

This is when Pete and Mrs Frederick come into the picture -- though technically Mrs Frederick has been in play the whole time. Let's start with her. See, I thought a warehouse equivalent organization that was fully aware of ghosts and trying to help them would be handy for this story. But I was convinced at the time that a government funded agency didn't make much sense. Every secret organization in TV shows and movies are always government funded -- but the US government hates funding anything that isn't corporations or the military.

… So why wouldn't the secret organization actually be disguised as a for profit company instead? Insert Mrs Frederick as CEO of a long-running and ever-evolving company that currently brags about being at the cutting edge of smart home devices and appliances. Except the smart home technology serves a secondary purpose of finding new ways to communicate with incorporeal ghosts who are slowly being lost to time. The company (I'm sure I had a name for it but I can't remember it anymore) gains its funding through product sales and government tax cuts/hand outs to pursue its true goal of locating these lost ghosts and reconnecting them back to their loved ones or at least reconnecting them with community. They want to re-socialize them, help them find purpose and meaning. No one knows how to help ghosts move on or if they even should move on, though if ghost decides to try, they certainly don't stop them. They also had never found a way to resurrect a ghost. Some ghosts had asked if it was possible, so the company is researching it. But they're researching in laboratory settings and with Myka's resurrection, it becomes clear that there needs to be a personal connection between the ghost and living person to successfully resurrect them. (Hence, Claudia and Joshua being the second ones to successfully manage a resurrection.)

I'm losing steam and this wasn't super thought out in detailed back in the day anyway -- but Mrs Frederick helps Myka enroll in college in Colorado Springs and her living expenses are all funded by Mrs Frederick's company. Caturanga's research was also being funded by Mrs. Frederick, though Helena wasn't fully aware of how big this operation was until after Myka's resurrection.

Myka meets Pete at college and they become fast friends. Mostly because Pete's too chatty to care about Myka's silences and easy-going enough to roll with her quirks and continued struggles with being alive. At some point, he finds out she had died and been resurrected, but I don't remember if I ever fleshed out that reveal.

I did flesh out the sister reunion. In my head, Tracy would get pulled into the ghost aspect because Claudia is one of her cases. But she wouldn't learn about Myka until Myka decides she's ready to see her. That takes about a year (or even longer) and happens after Myka's started attending college. Tracy is shocked to learn her sister is alive again, obviously, but also happy. Myka is happy to reunite with her too but also feels awkward because Tracy is all grown up with kids and she's still 19 (well now 20). Sometimes, it seemed like their reunion should be the end point. But then there's also still so much story to explore after their reunion too. Their father has died by 2014. Warren died of a heart attack several years earlier. Tracy has no regrets over never reconciling with him. Myka does regret that he died before she came back to life. They have different opinions and feelings about their shared childhood and it creates friction between them. Their mother is still alive though, and I played through Myka reuniting with her too. That's awkward in a different way than reuniting with Tracy. The 20 year time gap still plays a role of course, but mostly it's sits strangely with Myka because her mother keeps telling her how much her father regretted that night and how much he missed her and wished he could apologize. And while Myka doesn't blame him for her death like Tracy does, there's a lot of other hurt she does still blame him for and hearing that he's sorry from Mom instead of getting to talk to him herself -- it doesn't solve anything. It doesn't make anything better.

Not to add it like an after thought, but Sam has died too. He still grew up to join the Secret Service and was still killed on duty. It hits Myka hard when she finds out. She hates that he died too soon too. It's not fair.

And… I think… that's everything I ever came up with for this AU concept? I spent most of my time on Helena and Myka pre-resurrection, Myka immediately after the resurrection, and Tracy always. I had a pretty fleshed out world and a ton of pieces that could count as plot -- but I never had the throughline that turned it into a proper narrative.

If you see the narrative in this mixed soup or if you see something in here that inspires you -- please! By all means, run with it and write your own fic for it! Do not feel like you need to ask my permission, because I guarantee you, I will never turn this into a real story. But it was nice to revisit and maybe you can still get some enjoyment out of what is here. :)

[randomfoggytiger]

Also curious about 9 and 21... :)

Thanks for dropping back back in! :DDDDD

9. Hmmmm, no unfinished fics; but I have a few free-floating metas around. Two? three? that are for the randomfoggytiger Christmas presents. And, actually, I might have one in my drafts that I forgot about. (Drafts are mostly filled with fic lists and a sentence or two to flesh out later.)

21. Quite a few! ;))) I treasure each tag and I treasure the repeat readers or viewers who like my work and I treasure the rare drop-in. All have their advantages, and all are the spice of life~.

However, my specific, prominent memories were a bit long; so I had to include a cut.

You replying to each and every one of my HTGSC meta posts with an enthusiastic gif really, really made the work I put into that series worth it and more. I looked forward to putting out each post and running to the tags to read you and @baronessblixen and @dd-is-my-guiltypleasure comments (all of which I treasure); and I'd even include sections or points I thought would be particularly interesting for the three of you to come across organically as you read. ;)))

The support behind my first "Musical" X-Files episode edit was so kind that I pop them open to reread occasionally; and it was @baronessblixen's enthusiasm for the section where Scully walks in and the music softly changes that gave me the extra push to work on the next one--TINH: Scully's Solo-- which I believe is my favorite despite its inadequate lip sync at times (that song gets me every time.) Not to mention she and @demon-fetal-harvest left the first two (of three) comments that still make me tear up, mainly because it was such a rewarding moment for an editingfoggytiger.

I've already said every single comment on "Son of Egypt" because it was my first fic and everyone I tagged piled on and left something so, so wonderful in the reblogs; but ALSO every single comment on "The Dead Are Everywhere, Scully". The first fic was a shoot-from-the-hip, the second was more "planned"; and I couldn't be more awed and thrilled that both were so well-received.

Specific fic moments that meant a lot (because I'll do an overview sometime before the New Year, I've just decided): @baronessblixen loving the banter in my longer, bantery fics ("Time Passing in Moments" and "Something Approaching a Normal Life" and "I Think He's a Hard Kid to Love"), which is my favorite style to write; @agent-troi crying a little over "The Dead Are Everywhere, Scully", and tagging "naughty naughty puffball" (which I quote in unhealthy doses) on my AU Queequeg fic ("Regardless of His Actions Last Night"); @amplifyme's poignant encouragement as I flexed my writing muscle (and that my Krycek fic was one of her reblogs~); @perpetually-weirdening and @baronessblixen enjoying the comedy I didn't know I'd written into "How Much You're Like Ahab"; @nachosncheezies's tags on "My Religious Convictions Are Hardly the Issue Here" making me feel like a peacock; and @xxsksxxx and @tossingmyglossymane and @stephy-gold and @wexleresque (and agent-troi and you!) enjoying how all their prompts turned out~. (And every single comment on “Kids Today, Huh?” because it was out of my canon wheelhouse and I worked hard to maintain their more mature relationship while sidestepping IWTB and Revival requirements.)

And I just wrapped up Eight Nights of Mulder-- my second fic event (and first personally created event! with friends!)-- with fics I'd written the previous month; and, though their style was a bit wonky for my norm (weird writer things that happen), they turned out alright, I think. The comments on Day 2 (and the not-Hanukkah wedding swan getting broken) were a highlight, ngl. ;)))

And that's that! XDDD It was long; but I had a lot to say, apparently.

Drop in anytime; and thanks, again, for the ask! :DDD

[tacthescribbler]

Hey, saw your reblog on a post about writing, and since I had a creative block that lasted about a decade and kept me from writing or drawing, it resonated with me. A lot of things happened to finally get me out of that block, including changing meds, but a big one was just that stupid Comic Sans trick. (And this coming from someone who also loves writing in notebooks!)

Have you heard of it? You just write in Comic Sans, and it makes it impossible to take your writing seriously, so all the dread of the expectation of truly ~writing~ is lifted from you. I amplify the effect by using Notepad++ (no fancy formatting to distract me), using a theme with candy colors (even harder to take seriously), and keeping the window small (just a little things to ramble and jot notes in, not a big important writing document, goodness no, but if some writing should *happen* to happen...).

I also just don't worry about writing a story linearly. I write scenes as they pop into my head, however short, and then I stitch them together later.

As it is, my story still isn't finished (in part because it's the script for an animated series I'm working through animating at the moment)... But, counting all the AU tangents, I've gotten a Moby Dick length corpus out of it and counting, and I've had a hell of a lot of fun. Writing is back to being fun!! And that's all I could have hoped for.

Hey-o! I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. I drift from one thing to another sometimes and I was hyperfocused on Minecraft for a bit there!

I've heard of the Comic Sans trick, but haven't yet tried it. I tend to use Arial myself, since that's the Google Drive default. Might try it on my next story attempt, though, since I'm moving back to Word and pulling my writing off of Drive. (I want to keep my own backups and not worry about what's synced where.)

I also snagged an app on Steam called Nimble Writer that I want to try out. It apparently has some neat features to help with focus, but I haven't really played with it yet beyond booting it up and checking out the UI.

In terms of trying to write, I often find myself in brainstorming documents where I half-outline, half-brainstorm ideas. I get a lot of character backstory by doing that, and a lot of them have turned into full-blown worldbuilding with magic systems and descriptions of fantasy races, geography, weaponry, and so on. So it's not like I don't write anything, but it's not the prose I'd really like to be writing.

There are some other factors. My sibling is living with me. they're only 22, and they're still figuring things out, but there are also a lot of things they could be doing to be a better roommate. I prefer living alone and I knew I would only be able to tolerate them living with me for a little while, but this has gone far beyond that. I won't write that novel in this post, though. Suffice it to say I'm looking for my own place, and I know my creative productivity will vastly improve once I have a space where I can actually decompress after work.

On the linear writing thing: I used to be a panster. I wrote linearly, but I wrote what was fun. I've never written out of order before, but that has more to do with my ability to keep track of what's happened, and it's easier when I do it chronologically. I think I'll try an out-of-order story just to see if it breaks the block, though. Maybe if I break my own mold, I'll find another shape that fits, to follow the metaphor.

One trick I've been tempted to try is to pick one of my very old fanfictions, from back when I was a wordy teenager who had to describe everything in exacting detail, and copy it all down word-for-word until my writer's brain kicks in and diverges with it. I'm not the same person I used to be, so I'd like to think my old self would drive me just crazy enough to force me into action writing something new. Or maybe the same thing but better. Who knows?

On that last point: You're writing a script?! Am I allowed to ask about it? And animating! I've been wanting to relearn how to draw, but animating seems so daunting! I wish you the best of luck!

Thank you for the ask, and for the chance to get some thoughts out. I'll put some of your suggestions to the test and see what happens. :D