#might actually be my first anon hate this monumental

[charlotte-queen-owl]

Wow you like Mahito??? You fucking suck

[supercasey]

character head canon thing with uhhhh heisenberg and or ethan? 🥺

I don't know who you are, Anon, but I love you with all my heart <3 it's time to be self-indulgent!

Karl Heisenberg What they smell like: Gonna be honest even though I adore him; he probably doesn't smell all that great, seeing as he's around so much metal and machinery all day. His scent is a mix of oil, sweat, and whatever body spray he can get ahold of to mask those first two things. How they sleep (sleeping position, schedule, etc): Just kinda sleeps whenever/wherever he can, considering how much time he spends working on his soldats. Prefers being able to sleep on a mattress under his workbench, curled up on his left side and cocooned in as many blankets as he can get his hands on. What music they enjoy: Has really weird taste that fluctuates on a daily basis. Can go from listening to nothing but David Bowie on loop to blasting Avril Lavigne so loud that the walls vibrate. How much time they spend getting ready every morning: Not a lot. Every day he wakes up, gets some water, uses the bathroom, and then it's right back to whatever he was doing the night before. Their favorite thing to collect: Vinyl records! Since he was young (after he got some more freedom and time away from Miranda, of course), he's been keeping a stash of records from outside the village in his factory, and he frequently listens to them while working, hence his weird and varied music tastes. Left or right-handed: Left-handed! I actually think this might be canon, seeing as he primarily wields his hammer with that arm (at least from the game footage I've seen). Religion (if any): At most he's agnostic, but he has a severely nihilistic view of g-d/religion in general, so it might be safer to call him an atheist. Favorite sport: If he ever got the chance to watch live TV, I don't think he'd be too into modern day sports. That is, until he sees an episode of Battlebots; after that, he'd be begging Ethan to help him sign up to compete with his own bot! Favorite touristy thing to do when traveling (museums, local food, sightseeing, etc): He's gonna be doing fucking everything once he has a chance to leave the village. Catch him going to every restaurant he can, taking a billion pictures, and just oo-ing and ah-ing at everything he sees. Would probably like museums the most! Favorite kind of weather: Loves it when it rains, especially when there's thunder to go along with it! Hates getting wet, though. A weird/obscure fear they have: Nyctophobia, the fear of the dark/nighttime. I HC that he was locked in dark rooms by Miranda a lot as a kid- both as punishment and to "help" calm him down while he was trying to cope with his powers- and unfortunately the trauma of that experience has followed him into adulthood. He can sleep with the lights off sometimes, but he'd much rather sleep with at least a few candles lit. The carnival/arcade game they always win without fail: Kicks ass at any game that he can get away with using his powers for. Other than that, he's pretty good at guessing games.

Ethan What they smell like: Smells like a mix of cedar scented cologne and fresh lavender; the dude takes good care of his hygiene, and likes to look/smell nice whenever he can. How they sleep (sleeping position, schedule, etc): Before the Baker incident, he used to sleep all sprawled out on his bed, but afterwards he started clutching to Mia in his sleep, as if he's scared that she'll be taken away from him again if he doesn't protect her. What music they enjoy: Listens to a lot of indie and country, his favorite artists being Modest Mouse, Lil Nas X, and CHVRCHES. How much time they spend getting ready every morning: Quite a bit of time, especially if he has to go to work. Likes to get up extremely early, do a quick workout, shower, eat a full and hearty breakfast, get dressed, comb his hair, brush his teeth, and then put on some cologne as he's heading out the door. He more or less has his mornings down to a science at this point. Their favorite thing to collect: He has a few collections, his main ones being stamps, books, and paintings that he finds at thrift stores. He's weird, okay!? Left or right-handed: Right handed! If he was left, I feel like the games would be so much harder for the poor dude 😅 Religion (if any): Grew up in a fairly devoted Catholic household, but he's since come to identify as an atheist, especially after the Baker incident. ((Ethan, pointing at Jack Baker mid-fight: You look in a mirror and tell me there's a g-d.)) Favorite sport: Somehow finds cricket, of all things, entertaining. Besides that, he often watches baseball and football when games for his home/current state are on. Favorite touristy thing to do when traveling (museums, local food, sightseeing, etc): He's the kind of person that takes one million photos of his wife and daughter but none of himself, save for when he's posing in a dumb way in front of a famous monument. Favorite kind of weather: Snow! He grew up in Texas, so whenever it snows, he's immediately outside and trying to build a snowman, even if there's next to nothing on the ground yet. A weird/obscure fear they have: Ophidiophobia, the fear of snakes. Thankfully he hasn't had to deal with them very often, but the centipedes on the Baker plantation nearly made him faint a few times. The carnival/arcade game they always win without fail: He sucks so bad at most of them, but since he got some military training, he's gotten much better at any games that involve hitting a target. Still loses a lot, though 😔

Thanks so much for the ask, Anon, this was so much fun to do!

[velvetmel0n]

Go to Town

Summary: Poe makes you a proposition after you call his skills into question.

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 3.2k?  It was supposed to be a drabble how did we end up here.

Warnings: Oral sex (f receiving), some light  edging, don’t ever bet Poe Dameron that he can’t do something or suffer the consequences. 

A/N: Based on “Go to Town” by Doja Cat, requested by anon for my 100 follower celebration.

@darksideofclarke @himbopoes @poeticandors @tarrevizslas @tintinwrites​@writefightandflightclub @slfreya​ @obipoelover​ @rzrcrst​ @justawriterwithdreams​ @lcandothisallday​

“Give me five minutes.” And you think, fine. Okay. There is no way Poe Dameron can make you cum, zero to sixty, within five minutes. There’s just no way.

You’re so sure of it that you square your shoulders and stick your hand out, thinking that if nothing else you’ll be able to lord this over his head for the rest of time because he can’t be as good as he claims to be.  “Go to town then,” You tell him, proud of how nonchalant you manage to sound because he’s staring at you, dark eyes glittering in the artificial lighting of your room and a curl falling across his forehead.

He rolls his tongue against his teeth and smirks at you then, clasping your hand in his and giving one firm shake to seal the deal. His hand is warm around yours and strong and you have a moment of doubt, wondering if this is really such a good idea after all. Poe, insufferable as he is, is still a friend- a friend that you’ve been harboring a tiny- minuscule, really, crush on for what felt like ages at this point. A friend that you had just agreed to let eat you out for the sake of proving a point.

But then he’s yanking you closer, holding your hand to his chest and his smirk widening into an almost diabolical grin when you gasp from the sudden movement. “Lay down,” His tone is soft, his body thrumming with energy because after months of teasing and bickering and dancing around what he thought to be an obvious attraction between the two of you, you were finally letting him do something to you.

Sure, it might have started because you made an offhand remark trying to shut him up and he actually took you up on it- but the outcome is the same and that’s all he cares about. 

You try to regain the composure you just lost by huffing a little too forcefully, a little too theatrically, and slip your palm from his grasp to crawl onto your bed. You can’t believe you’re doing this, that you’re scooting yourself up towards the headboard to make room for his body between your thighs on the uncomfortable slab that’s masquerading as a mattress.

You feel shivery, fingers trembling when you grip the sheets underneath you and you’re suddenly struck by how monumentally bad this idea had been. You’d known it the second the words left your mouth without thinking because Poe had pulled up short, digesting what you had just said. You’d known the second the slow grin started spreading across his perfect face, and did you try to stop him?

No. Did you try to stop him when he stepped up into your personal space, that smile of his making something low in your belly start to twist and heat climb up your neck? No, and you’re thinking you really should have because judging by the look in his eyes there’s a chance that he’s going to kill you. 

“Shouldn’t we set a timer or something?” You’re bracing yourself up on your elbows, watching as he slowly makes his way towards you. Watching as he places one knee on the bed and then the other, slides a rough hand around the back of your knee and tugs your legs wider to make room for him. 

“Worried you won’t be able to keep time?” He taunts as he crawls up your body, pressing you just a little bit harder into the mattress, letting you feel the weight of him on top of you. To your annoyance you can’t even come up with a witty retort for that because he’s right in front of your face now, and if you push yourself up just a little further you’d be able to kiss him. 

Your breath shallows as a side effect of him being this close, of the heat he’s radiating off of him. You squeeze the sheets tighter beneath you because you want to reach for him instead, because your skin is crawling with anticipation and it feels like he’s looking straight through you. You feel almost...exposed to him, vulnerable. Like he knows how many nights you’ve spent thinking about him and how, okay, it really did start off as harmless bickering but you knew he’d jump at the chance, knew he wouldn’t just let something like that go. 

And, for reasons you really don’t feel like dissecting right at this very moment, it turns you on.

 “When- when does it start?” It’s a legitimate question, imperative really to keeping up the whole charade at least for the next couple minutes because pride is telling you to not admit how much you actually like him because that would also mean admitting defeat, and you are nothing if not stubborn. 

But he’s stubborn too and doesn’t answer you right away. Oh no, instead he shifts so that he can run his thumb along your bottom lip, following the movement with his eyes, and you think you stop breathing for a moment. He hasn’t even done anything to you yet and still you can feel yourself growing slick between your thighs, heat beginning to engulf you and it’s then that you realize you’re a goner. 

He hums almost thoughtfully as he pulls your lip free of your teeth, not even realizing that you’d begun to nibble on the pillowy flesh. He dips his thumb just slightly into your mouth, running the pad over the tops of your teeth and you don't think you should be held responsible for the way your tongue flicks out, just catching the tip of his finger and allowing you taste the hint of salt on his skin. Not with the way he’s looking at you right now. 

One corner of his mouth kicks up in a salacious smile in response, his breath washing over your face. “Shouldn’t start ‘til I take your pants off,” He’s changing the rules and you’re letting him because he’s hovering over you, not hiding the fact that he wants to eat you alive because regardless of how it started, you agreed to it and he’s not going to let this chance just slip from his grasp. 

Your clothes feel too tight for your body and it’s all you can do not to squeeze your thighs together, wanting to deny him the satisfaction of seeing you squirm already and knowing that his waist will just prevent any friction from happening.

The hand cradling your jaw begins to slide down your neck and you almost have a crisis because his hand on your throat has no business feeling as good as does. It finally comes to a stop at the center of your chest, fingers splayed wide across your cleavage, to push you down onto the bed so that your elbows slip out from under you. And then he just leaves his hand there, not moving, and you can feel your heart thump-thumping away against the solid weight of it. Instead of teasing you for it like you expect, like you’re waiting for, he only lowers his head and presses a kiss just below your rib cage and you jolt from the softness of it. 

You keep your eyes locked on the ceiling, trying to focus on sucking in slow, measured breaths because the hand on your chest has slid off and now he’s pushing your shirt up your stomach. He leaves open mouthed kisses on every new inch of skin that’s revealed to him, glancing up in time to see your eyes flutter shut and he grins at the sight. 

“Take your shirt off for me,” He coaxes from somewhere in the general vicinity of your stomach, having worked his way back down once he reached the middle of your sternum. You hate how soft his voice is in this moment, rasping against your skin. You hate how it gives you goosebumps.

It takes you a moment but you lift yourself up and notice how Poe pauses in what he’s doing, propping his chin on your hip to watch you. His fingers draw lazy circles on either of your hips and there’s something in the soft touches that make you think he’s rewarding you for listening to him and for may what very well be the first time since you’ve met him you want to keep pleasing him. Keep having him reward you with those little touches- and more, judging by the way you’ve started aching in earnest now. 

Catching the hem of your shirt- that he’d already pushed up nearly over your breasts to make room for his mouth, you pull it over your head and toss it somewhere over the side of the bed, past the point of caring where your clothes went. You find yourself looking down at Poe then and he only smiles, swirling his tongue over your belly button.

“Good girl,” The words are muffled against your skin and this time you can’t stop yourself from moving, thighs squeezing his shoulders because there’s something about those words coming out of his mouth that has your spine arcing off the bed.

Your breathing deepens when he starts working on your pants and you’re raising back to your elbows to watch him, lips parting at the sight. You swallow, your mouth suddenly dry because he looks...he looks so big on your small bed with his shoulders wedged between your thighs, dark head bent over you while his hands work.

You lift your hips to help him when he starts yanking your pants down like they’ve personally offended him, sucking in a breath because he’d taken your underwear with them and you aren’t prepared for the sudden rush of cool air against your weeping slit.

“Time?” You’ve never heard your voice tremble like it’s doing now but you can’t really find it in yourself to care because Poe is crawling back between your legs, running a stubbled cheek along the sensitive skin of the inside of your thigh and you feel a whine climbing in your throat. 

Poe dimly realizes that his mouth is watering as he takes in the sight of you, all swollen and needy and starting to rock your hips towards his mouth because he’s not doing anything aside from looking at you and it’s driving you up the fucking wall. 

“Time.” He mutters finally, tone clipped and dark against the very center of you.

The first touch of his tongue on your slippery hot cunt has your back arching and the breath leaving your body. You barely perceive his hands slipping under you before they’re grasping at the globes of your ass, lifting you like a bowl to his mouth and then you’re saying his name in a way you’ve never said it before, high pitched and keening. 

He runs the flat of his tongue along the length of your slit, lapping at your heat before his lips are wrapping around your clit. You don’t exactly know when your arms had given out underneath you but you’re putting the newfound freedom to good use by reaching down and grasping at his hair, wanting his mouth even closer than it already is. You feel the noise he makes rather than hear it, a low groan that vibrates through your whole body and leaves you gasping for air.

His mouth is engulfing your clit, tongue rubbing deliberate circles around the swollen bundle of nerves before he starts sucking on it and you think, okay. 

Okay. Maybe he is as good as he says he is because it feels like your stomach is filled up with liquid fire, body covered with a thin sheen of sweat from all the writhing around you’re doing and you can’t stop yourself from trying to buck your hips, eyes rolling back in your head when it only makes him suck harder

Your breath hitches, head thrashing against your sheets and you start babbling because you are this fucking close and if he’ll just keep doing that- 

“Wha-what are you-” You have difficulty raising your head to look at him but you do because the son of a bitch just took his mouth away from you.

“Not yet, sweetheart,” His mouth is shining and if you weren’t already sweating you would be because he maintains eye contact while he licks his lips. “You taste good, you know that?” He asks you, almost nonchalant as he kisses a path to one of your hips. 

“So why did you stop?” You know how petulant you sound but you can’t help it, your thighs shaking with how close you’d been and it’s a good thing he still has a grip on your legs, the weight of his upper body leaning against them, because you have half a mind to kick him you’re so frustrated. 

One of his hands drifts over to between your thighs, dragging his fingers through your soaking pussy almost delicately while he hums, nibbling at your skin now while you try to remember how to breathe properly. “Can’t let you have all the fun,” He looks up at you then, his grin firmly in place despite his blown out pupils. Of course he couldn’t just let you have your orgasm in peace, of course he had to make you work for it, wouldn’t let you have it until he was satisfied. 

You collapse back onto your bed with a wrecked groan, his strained laughter in your ears. But you don’t close your thighs- if anything you just inch them while you back down off the ledge he’d worked you to because while you can feel him toying with you, thumb pressing into your clit for a split second before its back down at your entrance, just barely dipping inside, it’s still just shy of being quite enough.

Poe’s cheek is resting on the junction where your hip meets your thigh now, watching his fingers work against you. Watching how your slick coats them like it’s the most enthralling sight he’s ever had the privilege to witness. Slowly, ever so slowly, he starts to push his thumb inside of you, hearing your breath catch above him and the moan that comes tumbling out of your throat.

You do your best to breathe through it, his thumb nowhere near deep enough for you but it was thick and you’re almost embarrassed about the fact that you’re dripping into his hand. He holds his thumb there for you don’t know how long, his weight on your hips preventing you from really doing anything about it.

“Please,” You warble, pussy clutching desperately at his thumb the longer he just held it within you. “Poe, please.” Your begging is music to the pilot’s ears and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of you saying his name like that, all sweet and nice and needy like you’ll just die if he doesn’t do something to you. 

“Well,” he begins, pulling his hand away completely only to return a moment later, stuffing you with two of his fingers. “Since you asked so nicely,” But he doesn’t thrust them like you need, instead only moving them languidly and watching your chest heave, how your hands alternate between fisting the sheets underneath you and reaching out for him. 

“I th-think I hate you, Dameron,” You say it between ragged breaths, a whimper on your lips. He’s avoiding your clit now, the bastard, but the plunge and scrape of his thick digits is almost, almost nice enough to forgive him for it. 

He clucks his tongue at you but he’s moving his head back towards your pussy, deciding to take pity on you then because you’re making such sweet sounds for him. In between calling him names and claiming to hate him, but sweet nonetheless. He’s already thinking of doing this again, how long he’d be able to draw this out for until you’re quivering and filling his head with all sorts of pleas. Maybe even crying for it. 

But that would be later. After you can admit that yes, you do in fact like his mouth, love it even. He wants to hear you say it and see how you’ll set your jaw and roll your eyes at him to distract from the fact that he’s putting you on the spot and you’re flustered by it- he’s known you long enough that he knows your tells and thinks it’s cute that you still think you can fool him.

his mouth thankfully, blissfully enveloping you again and the electricity starts to coil back up at the base of your spine. He doesn’t take his fingers from you, instead letting you have them as he focuses back in on your clit.

Maybe his mouth is good for something besides annoying you after all you keep thinking, the sentiment rattling around in the background of your mind because the forefront is consumed by your friend’s mouth between your legs and his fingers pumping away.  You grip his hair again and he groans into you, curling his fingers in such a way that has little detonations going off behind your eyelids. 

It’s starting to overtake you now, the pleasure. Rising up in your chest and filling your mouth but it’s his name that spills out of you while your hips buck and your fingers pull probably a little too hard on his hair but he isn’t complaining. If anything it just makes him redouble his efforts, pressing his tongue hard into your clit and curling his fingers again and it only takes a few seconds for you to completely fall apart, feeling like you’re spiraling off into some other galaxy.

Your heart is thundering, blood rushing in your ears while he eats at you, not stopping until your hand slips from his hair to his forehead, weakly pushing him back if he keeps going, if he keeps sucking and tonguing you think you might actually start to cry. 

“Not so bad, then, huh?” His voice scrapes over your skin and you shudder from the sound of it, prying your eyes open just in time to see him suck your slick off of his fingers and the retort you had ready for him died on your lips. 

There’s color high in his cheeks, his poor curls all over the place and a bright grin on his lips. He only moves from his place between your legs to come face to face with you and you aren’t pushing him away, claiming he made his point and for this to never be spoken of again. 

Instead you’re reaching for him for the hundredth maybe thousandth, time that night, inviting him to settle his weight on you and you don’t miss the way his cock is pressing hard and insistent against you.

“Well it wasn’t the worst,” You tell him, not having anticipated how hard it is to keep up the whole unaffected, unimpressed attitude when he’s still looking at you like that and all you want to do is spend the rest of the night with him. 

Poe barks a short laugh, gathering you closer because he suddenly can’t stand to be more than an inch apart from you. “I’ll show you the worst.” 

[capricornus-rex]

A Shadow of What You Used to Be (14)

Chapter 14: And So the Hunt Begins | Cal Kestis x Irele Skywalker

Requested by Anon

Summary: There is another! Years after young Anakin Skywalker departed Tatooine, his mother Shmi delivers a second child—this time, a daughter. Whilst the circumstance of the girl’s birth remains unexplained, Irele Skywalker has yet to choose the true path between those laid out for her.

Tags: Fem! OC, Irele Skywalker, Force-sensitive! OC, Anakin’s Younger Sister, Skywalker! OC, Darth Vader’s Secret Apprentice, Long-lost Sibling

A/N: I’m honestly a little worried about the story getting attention. There are times where I feel insecure and doubtful of the work I put out. A ton of questions come to me like “Has the story gotten boring?” and my answer to that is I sure hope not. If you’ve been following the story, looking forward to each chapter update, and you’re actually enjoying it, thank you so so much! That really means a lot to me. I try my best not to let the stress of work and personal life get in the way of my posting and especially my creativity. Please, guys, do me a small favor: let me know what you think of the story so far. 🙏🏻 As always, love lots 💜

Requesting to be tagged: @heavenly1927​

Also in AO3

Chapters: Prelude – 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 – 6 – 7 – 8 – 9 – 10 – 11 – 12 | Previous: Part 13 | Next: Part 15 | Masterlist

15 of ?

Irele, along with HY-L33, bolted to the elevator lobby. The door opened to the hangar bay. The young girl’s strides were poised with urgency, she commanded the nearest captain to prepare her ship and a small unit of Stormtropers to accompany her.

“Ma’am, the 65th Squadron has already been deployed to Zeffo.”

“That’s Captain Kane’s squad.”

“Indeed,” the commander’s eye rolled to the side for a bit. “What’s left of them, at least.”

“Their transmissions mentioned a Jedi who cut them down by the numbers, and you’re satisfied with what’s left of them?”

“That’s… not my implication, my lady,” the commander blushed.

The commander then held his tongue. There was no way debating through that. Complacency and settling for less were neither minor or major offenses, though it makes one’s work efficiency and ethics seem questionable. The uniformed man hung his head in shame, hoping that Irele would not say another word and leave it at that.

A hangar operator cut in their conversation—or lack thereof—indicating that Irele’s light cruiser, the Obeisance, is ready to go. He got his unspoken wish.

“Jedi can be fools. But so is one who decides to underestimate them.” Irele lectured, serving mostly as a reminder to herself than an advice to the commander.

Nothing was further said. Irele hopped into the cruiser and her droid companion followed along. The pilot was already informed of their destination, so Irele had time to do some more “light reading.”

The small computer in her quarters provided the database of all the logs transmitted from various troopers and officers originating from several, different planets. Irele narrowed down her search about the Zeffo logs and skimmed the holos until there was mention of the Jedi.

She had a strong feeling that this incident in Zeffo has got something to do with the red-haired Jedi she eyed on during the briefing with the Inquisitors. Secretly, she had feared that one or two of them might have gotten there first, though they would have most likely gone for the more notorious survivors—Jedi masters and Padawan prodigies, for instance.

“What can be said about Zeffo, Haylee?”

“A small colony of humans reside in the continent just along the planet’s equator. Albeit a large landmass, the terrain is rather hostile—as 60% of the planet is water.”

“It is also a treasure chest of sorts—for the Emperor, at least, and other like-minded hoarders,” Irele added, the droid had nothing to comment. “Stay here in the Obeisance, Haylee, understand? I can’t have you in the line of fire down there.”

Irele was the first to alight the cruiser via her personal TIE Interceptor docked in the cruiser’s hangar. Riding behind her was the transport ship carrying the 77th Squadron. The transport landed first, melding with the remnants of the 65th, while Irele demanded the last known location of where the Jedi was found.

“Lady Irele, Captain CL-5857 reporting. Sending you the last reported coordinates of the Jedi.”

“Very good, Captain. My channel’s open for you now.”

The numbers instantly appeared on Irele’s screen and followed the navicomputer after the coordinates have been encoded. The TIE Interceptor zipped past the said colony—which was now literally a ghost town sprawling with Stormtroopers, almost like ghosts. Peeking over her window, she spotted a bleach-white mound pushed to the side along the stone cottages.

Dead Stormtroopers.

“Interesting.” Irele muttered and smirked. Not the least bit fazed of just how possibly deadly her target is.

–

At the end of the Augur Pulverizers, Cal found his way on a dangerously-placed metal balcony and startled two Stormtroopers, sneaking up on them. He stayed there to catch his breath. The roar of a TIE Interceptor’s engine caught his attention and watched the ship dart through the overcast skies like a loosed arrow.

He half-dismissed the feeling he got before the TIE flew out of sight. Irele got a quick glimpse of the other end of the pulverizers, the head full of red hair was such a dead giveaway, he stood out more than the white armor dotting Zeffo’s terrain.

On his right was a plateau where more of them waited for him, but it was his only way to get to the tomb.

Irele circled her way around the mountain. She discovered her destination when she found the monument of a Zeffonian sage standing amongst the jagged pillars of rock. She remained on the high ground, docking her TIE on a plateau that overlooks this region of the planet and sensed Cal coming this way.

Trekking through Zeffo’s steep ridges and cliffsides were both exhilarating and arduous. Fresh air welcomed itself to Cal’s lungs and the wind swept off the auburn locks from his head. He emerged from the mouth of the cave at the far opposite of the grand entrance of the tomb.

Cal scanned the area and saw that the coast was clear

Too clear.

Sitting atop of one of the stone columns dotting the courtyard of the tomb was Irele, leisurely swinging her one leg over the other.

“I’m almost hoping you’re not the guy the Stormtroopers are talking about in their audio logs,”

Her entrance startled Cal, setting him on high alert and had him brandishing his saber on pure instinct. Bemused, Irele smirked while she rested her chin on her palm.

“Well, let’s see if looks really can be deceiving!”

She leaped off of her perch; lightly did her feet touch the ground at her descent. Dust plumed over the tips of her boots, and while bent, she takes her lightsaber off of the clip pf her belt to boast a pair of red blades on both ends.

Cal tried his best to remain calm. His gloves squeaked as he tightened his grip on his own saber. He activated the second frost blue blade, a statement implying that he’s just as capable as she is.

Irele smirked and cooed, “Well now.”

They battled in the second tier landing of the tomb’s courtyard. Dual-ended blades clashing against one another. Red versus blue.

If only Vader could see her now.

Irele’s training did not betray her. Those two years of strenuous training had given her a great amount of stamina, more than enough to last her two duels against a Jedi and still have more to chase them down to finish what she started.

“Come on, redhead! Don’t disappoint me!” she snarled, taunting the boy.

“Don’t worry, you’ll find I’m full of surprises!”

“Oho!” she cackled. Distanced herself for a second’s worth of a breather, she bared her teeth in a wide, mischievous grin. “I do love surprises!”

Cal wasn’t afraid to admit that his opponent was nimbler, more dexterous, and perhaps even stronger. He could feel the hate and anger flowing in her, as if it’s replaced the blood in her veins, though he thinks she’s a fool for weaponizing those emotions—ones that only a Sith would use to their advantage.

He needed to find an opening. This girl was too strong, he thought. He rammed his shoulder to her, causing her to stumble in her footing, and then—within a moment’s opportunity—he recoiled and sprung his hands to his front: sending a wave of the Force to increase the distance away from her. Then he made a run for it—there was an opening at the side of the tomb entrance, and hurriedly squeezed his way through the narrow space between two boulders.

He managed to slither his way out, but Irele caught up to him fast. Shrapnel of stones flew and clattered behind Cal, he looked over his shoulder and saw the girl appearing from the dust cloud, her crimson blades lighting up in the middle of the fog.

“Who are you!?”

No reply from the girl.

She just kept pushing forward. Greedy to land more strikes on the boy and hopefully disarm him.

Ahead of them was another way to the lift that leads to the underground level of the tomb. The only obstacle is that a ring of rocks, spinning around the lift in great speeds, is blocking Cal’s way of ever getting into that ancient elevator.

Desperately, he slows down the movement of the stones circling the lift, and bolted through while it was still safe. Irele was at his tail. They continued their exchange of strikes until either of them could notice that the influence of Cal’s Force Slow was wearing off. He had made his way closer to the lift while they fought, but Irele was too blind to be aware of her surroundings. When the stones were gradually returning to their original speed, Cal mustered up enough energy again to push Irele out of the stones’ orbit with one hand, while the other slowed the stones but they were now at his volition.

“NO!!”

Cal hopped into the lift, his one hand relaxed and the stones were orbiting the golden elevator at cyclonic speeds. As the golden lift sank, with a heavy bell-like clang to signal its descent, so did Irele’s stomach. This is unacceptable, she knew it, she needs to find another way to the tomb and catch up with the Jedi.

Meanwhile, Cal sought refuge and rest in the safety of the golden lift. He caught his breath and shook off whatever tension and adrenaline left from that fight.

“Who was that?” he asked to nobody in particular.

“Bee-woo…” BD-1 chirped.

His comlink beeped, and Cere’s voice popped through the speaker.

“Cal? Have you found the tomb?”

“Yeah, I found it. And I also found someone interesting.”

“Who?”

“She… I don’t know if she’s an Inquisitor. I’m not even sure if she is one. Though I am sure that she’s with the Empire. I saw her TIE Fighter earlier, didn’t expect to bump into her though.”

He recalled quietly what she looked like and what she wore. Normally, Inquisitors donned armor with the Empire’s insignia on it. But Irele was fashioned differently, compared to a completely armored Inquisitor: her outfit consisted of a short-sleeved top that covered her from the neck down, a long skirt complemented by ankle-length boots. The only pieces of “armor” she has are a brown leather surcoat over her top and a belt. In her defense, she preferred less is more.

“Whether or not she’s an Inquisitor, if she’s just as bad as you say she is—then you better keep an eye out. You are definitely not alone out there.” Cere warned with a graveness in her voice.

“I know.”

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Who you should fight: Game of Thrones Edition

Your wish is my command, Anon.

JON: Damn, you really do aim high. If you want to fight Jon Snow, there's nothing really stopping you. He wouldn't want to fight you, but he would accept your challenge honorably. Perhaps you would win, perhaps you wouldn't. Jon doesn't really like violence. He was victorious in the battle of the bastards, but only with the Knights of the Vale showing up at the eleventh hour. And he would have given his life to the Army of the Dead if Benjen hadn't shown up to save him. So you might win, it's possible. Just be prepared for the Starks to send their regards if you do. With Bran's visions, there would be nowhere you could hide. With Arya's faces, you'd never know she was coming.

SANSA: Look, it's not exactly wise to fight a Queen. Something to keep in mind going forward. You would almost certainly defeat Sansa, since she has almost no experience in actual fighting, but that doesn't mean your troubles would be over. Expect the Starks, the Northerners, the Knights of the Vale, and Brienne to rise up and hunt you down. So if you want to fight her, be prepared to run for the rest of your life. But really, why would you ever want to fight her in the first place? Between Cersei, Joffrey, Ramsay, and Littlefinger, hasn't the poor woman been through enough? If you go through with this, you'll be fighting a sexual assault survivor. Think about that for a second. And then don't fight Sansa. 

BRAN: Okay, okay, how about you just don't? This isn't about whether or not you should fight Bran, because to be honest - you can't. Bran is gone. Everybody forgets this but Bran is effectively dead by Season 7. So no, you couldn't fight Bran if you tried. All you could do is fight the Three Eyed Raven, and seven hells, why would you ever want to do that? Could you kill him? Maybe. He can always see you coming, but he doesn't carry weapons and he's paralyzed from the waist down. But who are you, the Night King? If you kill Bran, the world ends and the long night begins. Don't be The Night King. Don't fight Bran. 

ARYA: Ahahaha...sure, go ahead. If you've got some sort of death wish, feel free to try and fight Arya Stark. I'd give some line about how the Starks would come after you but frankly, it wouldn't come to that. Arya wouldn't be in any danger and they'd be well aware. You do know this is the girl who slayed the Night King, right? The one who single-handedly wiped out House Frey? Realistically, the fight isn't even going to happen unless she's in the mood. If she is, expect her to toy with you for about ten minutes before running you through with Needle. If she isn't, then you won't ever even see her. You'll just get a knife in the back from whatever face she's wearing.

DAVOS: Seriously? You're going to fight an innocent old man who doesn't even have all his fingers? What are you hoping to gain from doing so? Does beating up old men give you satisfaction? Well, it shouldn't - unless we're talking about Pycelle. But we're not, so put those weapons away! Look, if you choose to fight Davos, you're very likely to win the fight. And in doing so, I suppose you could reunite him with his son and his surrogate daughter in the afterlife. But just do not fight Davos under any circumstances. For goodness' sake, what did he ever do to you? 

THEON: In terms of physical combat, you could probably win this fight. Theon isn't shown to be nearly as strong as his sister, and he's also suffering from PTSD. So there's a very good chance that you could defeat him. But Yara is going to literally cut you into pieces if you do. With everything Theon has been through, don't you think he's suffered enough for his actions? Ramsay tortured him so much that he forgot who he was for a while. He castrated and flayed Theon. Kept him as a slave for three years. And even now, Theon is still recovering from what he went through. He still hates himself for betraying Robb. Just let the poor man heal in peace, won't you? 

YARA: Go ahead, fight Yara. She's not exactly the nicest person, so she could use a good wake-up call or two. Her only real redeeming quality is that she loves her brother. On the other hand, she's Ironborn so she might just enjoy the fight. There's also the question of whether or not you would win, or even escape with your life. To which I say - don't expect anything. Yara is ruthless, and she doesn't play fair. She commands the Iron Fleet and they're loyal to her. This woman was her Uncle's prisoner. I think it goes without saying that she's tough. I doubt you could win the fight, but feel free to try.

SANDOR: This is the only character that would probably enjoy the fight, so go ahead and spar a little with Sandor Clegane. Don't actually hurt him, because he's obviously been through enough. But enjoy a nice, friendly bout with the guy and let him get off some steam. Of course, I say that under the assumption that you COULD harm Sandor. The guy came close to beating Brienne, and his final Clegane Bowl with Gregor ended in a draw. Plus he's like...huge. So not a good chance at winning. Even if you use his weakness, fire...well, he's won a trial by combat where fire was involved. Don't be a jerk, don't kill Sandor. You'll wind up on Arya's list for sure. 

BRIENNE: To be honest, you aren't going to defeat Brienne unless you have exceptional skill and training in combat, and even then. The odds aren't in your favor. She's packing Valyrian Steel, and some heavy armor as well. Has Brienne ever lost a fight onscreen? I don't believe she has. Her weaknesses are emotional, not physical. In a fight, you don't stand much of a chance. Especially if she's trying to protect someone she cares about or honor a vow. That's her berserk button, so don't mention oaths. Or Jaime. Or Sansa. Really, Brienne is one of the most wonderful people in this entire series so why would you want to? Hang out with her instead. 

GENDRY: This one is just a bad idea overall. The dude has all the skills of Sandor, without any of the discipline that Brienne has. Remember how the Rebellion was what Robert referred to as his glory days? How he ousted an entire dynasty because they had offended him? The Baratheons are known for their uncontrollable tempers, and we haven't seen much of this in Gendry, but it's there. Put a war-hammer in his hands, and you will never be safe. Just look at the guy. Have you seen how buff he is? Besides, Arya would definitely kill you, even if Gendry doesn't. He's such a sweet, upstanding guy to begin with. I don't understand why you would even want to. Don't fight Gendry.

JAIME: I suppose you could. The guy only has one hand now, so in terms of combat prowess, you would probably win the fight itself. Assuming Brienne doesn't get to you first. Either way, expect to deal with Brienne, and that's not someone you want coming after you with a vengeance. Even if you defeat Brienne, you still aren't in the clear. Tyrion may not be one for physical fights, but rest assured the man will make you pay for harming his brother. Someday, when you least expect it, you will pay. To be fair, Jaime does have some crimes he needs to answer for, but he also saved King's Landing. Really, just don't fight him. He already feels badly enough about his past.

CERSEI: Always fight Cersei. Always fight Cersei.  This shouldn't need to be explained. Think about everything that she's done. All the people whose lives she ruined. Whatever terrible fate you can inflict is one that she deserves. Yes, she's pregnant, but don't forget - the witch in Season 5 warned her that she would only ever have three children. That baby isn't going to live no matter what happens. I suppose you'd have to get rid of Gregor Clegane first, so bring Sandor with you for a double knock-out. Other than that, I don't see anyone coming to Cersei's defense. That's just how awful she is. Jaime might try, but I think Brienne and Tyrion would be able to restrain him. Yeah, just. Just fight Cersei. 

TYRION: Damn, why would you want to fight Tyrion? So he made a few judgment calls that turned out poorly. He was always trying to do the right thing, and all of his decisions were well-reasoned. His entire life has been constant suffering. Do you really want to add onto that? Well, if you insist, you'll almost certainly win the fight. Being half the size of the average man and consuming alcohol on a daily basis would render Tyrion one of the physically weakest characters on the show. You could probably get away with it as well. I mean, Jaime would come after you, and hell hath no fury like a Lannister scorned. But like I said, he's not the strongest either. Just watch out for that golden hand.

DAENERYS: Should you fight Dany? I suppose it depends on your point of view. She's definitely committed monumental crimes, but she's also saved countless people. You have to ask yourself if such a divisive person deserves to live or not. Really, we could argue that point until the cows come home. The real question is - could you fight her? Ultimately, the answer is yes...if you get close enough. You'd have to get past her armies first, but once you do, she has no experience in direct combat whatsoever. An easy kill. That you could celebrate for ten seconds before Grey Worm or Drogon rip you apart. You can only ever tie with Daenerys, there's no winning.

MISSANDEI: Stop, stop right there. What are you thinking? You know this is how we got S8E5, right? This is what pushed Dany over the edge, so, just consider that for a moment. What would possess you to ever wish pain on such an innocent soul? Missandei deserves the world. She deserves to be free and happy. And you want to fight her? Go ahead. If you could actually land a blow or two, you might win rather quickly. But Grey Worm will rip you limb from limb before that happens, if Dany doesn't issue an angry "Dracarys" first. Actually, if they don't get there, then I will personally climb through the screen myself and fight you for threatening her. She is the purest of cinnamon rolls.

EURON: I will literally pay you to fight him. The man is begging for a punch in the face.

[kyunsies]

So I guess I can't send pictures on anon :( I was gonna send you pictures of my plants... maybe instead I'll post about them and send it to you idk 😐 but the plant I got is called a Money tree! Though right now it's really small!

Congrats on your exam today!! I know you'll nail it tomorrow too!!! 🥰🥰 I told my sister "hey!! Mädch got a 92% on her exam today!" and she said "oh yay!!" So we're rooting for you over here 🤩

I AM a musician! I checked out that channel and surfed through the videos to find one I thought would be interesting and I ended up watching them react to oneus to be or not to be. I had the weirdest flashbacks to when I was in college seeing them in those classrooms!!! My college classrooms looked the exact same, honestly. The chairs with the swing around desks, the chalkboards with staff lines taped on, and the grand piano in the background... like.. those are my people!!! Everything they said made perfect sense to me and honestly.. there were times when I said the exact same things they did at the same times LDJFHF but anyway I will probably watch more of their videos, I really enjoyed the lil talking session they did after watching the video!!

I kinda have a lot of thoughts about mx and their US vs Korean vs Japanese releases, but I haven't done enough listening and I don't know how the members feel about their different styles within their discography, besides the very little I've heard them say in interviews and similar content, so I don't necessarily feel comfortable saying much (aaand I don't know how much you care to listen to me talk about it lfsjskdh), but their English songs really seem like just another facet of the ever multifaceted mx, y'know? Like, they're just.. rounded musicians that are able to have a multitude of styles and sounds while still being them. Anyway that's simultaneously more and less than I wanted to say, so I'll stop there haha, sorry for going off on that a little bit 😅😅

Oh jeez sorry for the giant wall of text in this ask.. but I hope you're able to rest tonight and do well on your exam tomorrow!! 💖 dkbtho

yeah love u can't send pics on anon :((( but u are more than welcome to send me a pic in the DMs !!!! i would love to see ur cute plants <3m money tree sounds so cUTE hehe

and THANK YOU about my exam ;_____; i was so scared on it but i can't believe i got the grade i did ,,,,,,, i feel like i guessed on a lot of question LOL :') and i did okay on my exam today!!! i initially got an 80% on it which is eh but my prof did some iteam analysts and ended up getting a 82% which i can't really complain about !!! i'll take it hhhh AND PLS U TOLD UR SISTER TOO :(((( you both are so incredibly kind, thank you so much <3

and ahhhh YOU KNEW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT :ooo i feel that's like, really high lever music terms (from someone who has never studied music intensely) like ,,,,, syncopation??? modal mixture ?? all that stuff i'm just like e,,,,,,,,,, musicians must study so much to even pick that up from non classical music u know?? they blow me away eveyr time, you guys are absolute geniuses when it comes to that stuff hhhh crazy !!!!!! i'm glad that video was able to bring back some nostalgia for you !!!! i enjoy so many of their videos <3 i suggest watching the ones for shinee (atlantis and don't call me, i think you'd like those videos) bc they have really cool things to say about shinee (i mean it's SHINEE so <3) ,,,, thank u for checking them out :)

and yeah like we'll never know how the members feel about it !!! like they might love the change of pace or they might hate it ya know? we don't really know that and like , me personally i actually don't like a ton of their japanese releases either but i do think that mx definitely covers a wide variety of sounds, and even tho they don't really push the boundaries musically when they make english things, i do think its MONUMENTAL and AMAZING that they are even making english albums in the first place !!!!!!! it really shows how dedicated they are to just making music, i think it sets them apart from other groups objectively. like look at how much music they have been releasing ever since debut, they barely get a break and i think that shows they just LOVE making cool music and i'm always always proud of them whether their music is right up my alley or not <3 mx are an amazing group and i'm so happy we get to experience their talent together with monbebe !!!!! :D

ANYWAYS DON'T BE SORRY LMAO i just sent a long paragraph about how much i love and respect mx HHH we are on the same wavelength <3 but i hope you've had a nice day angel !!!!!! <3 love u !!!!!!

[medeafive]

You mentioned you don't get anon questions that often, but would you be open to them? I'd love to hear your thoughts on TFAWS, what you wish Buckynat could have been in MCU, or what you'd like to see in the comics, for them or other characters, but I don't want to bother you. Side note: am I the only one pissed off about how many characters are arbitrarily calling Bucky James? Especially Zemo? I can't be alone in that rage. Good day, nor night, if that's your case.

Sure, ask away! I don’t want to get into discourse(tm) on here because I hate arguing on the internet but I’ll gladly give my two cents.

I’m reserving judgement on TFATWS until I’ve seen the last episode. I’ve read quite a few critiques of the show that might very well be adressed in later episodes (especially à la not giving enough of a role to Sam/Sharon/whatever) so I don’t want to do that. However, because I’m always here to complain about Endgame, it fascinates me how much we learn about the world post the reversal of the Snap while we never learned much about the world in the five years after the Snap except for three shots in Endgame, and putting in such a monumental event and then hardly thinking about the consequences is dumb.

About Buckynat though!!! There are a lot of takes about how Marvel was never going to do them anyway and they were just leading us on and I don’t think that’s true. There were a lot of deliberate hints (Natasha is the first person to tell us about the Winter Soldier, he shot her with a Soviet rifle (in 2009!!), the she’s mine, the you could at least recognize me, the Romanoff locker, her Red Room teacher vaguely looking like him, they’re the only characters with a canon connection to Russia/the Soviet Union). I think they deliberately put in those hints to keep the possibility for that storyline open while keeping the hints so small they don’t have to go for it. Of course, I would have loved a Black Widow movie after CATWS where she goes looking for Bucky as he retraces their shared past, or one shot where she helps the Wakandans in dismantling his brainwashing or just checking in on him with Steve and Sam, but I was actually optimistic there could still be a chance for Buckynat if they choose to do it, since there was still so much of Bucky’s and Natasha’s past to deal and that would be a good opportunity to connect it with other characters we already know (each other). So I always thought it could be picked up in any future film if it fits the plot and the writers are interested in it and it wouldn’t have been a problem that it didn’t get mentioned so far because they can point to all these hints and we know we don’t know very much about these characters’ pasts. That’s of course until Nat died, and now all bets are off and I’m just pissed about that.

I can’t really say anything about the comics because I haven’t read that many - I keep meaning to get into the comics for real but I haven’t so far. Maybe this year.

You’re not alone about the James thing! I was also annoyed with that. Though I should say it’s not a bad choice story-wise, it’s just offensive to me personally. Same with giving the deprogramming scene to Ayo - it’s fine, it’s just that I wanted it to be Nat. On the other hand, I don’t mind Bucky flirting with other women at all, that just seems like a sign he’s getting back to himself :D

Okay, enough rambling, I hope that’s what you wanted to know! If not, feel free to ask more specific questions. I have to admit that Nat dying kind of killed my interest in canon so I take everything they’re doing now as a mere suggestion.

[ozymandiasdirge]

I genuinely do want to know your Aang takes and broadly just ANY Atla takes especially unpopular ones

genuinely this is going to be the thing besides mcr posting in 2020 that finally gets me anon hate and you know what worth it lets go

aang takes

as character moments i actually like the moments when aang is selfish. like how do put in a twelve year old in the situation that being the sole hope for the entire world puts him on without having him lash out an be selfish. and objectively so many of his decisions are selfish stubborn acts (the one in the finale) but like....the fact that he even has to MAKE a choice in the first place is like....so monumentally fucked up so while watching it as an audience can be frustrating i like that they allow the characters that

all of my other aang takes are in the unpopular takes lol

other takes

i talked about this a few hours ago but im glad they didnt get azula a redemption arc.

also.....azula is 99% of the time the smartest person in the room but she is NOT as smart as she thinks she is and when she gets thrown off she makes galaxy brain level DUMB decisions and i wish we could all accept that.

mei/ty lee gang rise up

katara/yue RISE UP

this is probably the most unpopular but genuinely i think that any attempts these kids would have at relationships with each other before the age of thirty is like.....no. they need to learn how to be people on their own. zuko has spent his whole life defining his entire sense of self against other people and that is not going to be resolved in a few months that boy needs a support system not a teenage romance. maybe when they’re like 35.

i dont hate katara/aang if they were like...older when they figured shit out. im honestly kind of side eye towards most of the romance in the show in general. like......they are very codependent in which katara i think has trouble seeing him outside of ‘this is the sole thing that gave me hope for my whole life wrapped up in one person’ and for aang she is like the main tenet of his ability to hold onto his humanity and not be drowned under all that responsibility. they need to learn who they are as people.

i havent seen lok in a while so my opinion might have changed but i just really did not like a lot of it. it feels like they never build up the main four as a friendship and they’re just always like...in strife. which i get their older but they just....i dont know they dont click. i just have issues maybe i should try rewatching. im also not normally a fan of next gen stories in general so maybe thats my own bias.

apparently not thinking that ursa is as bad as ozai is an unpopular opinion??? i went to look at fanart yesterday and wow a lot of people hate women. like.....i do not know what people were expecting her to do against ozai???? he literally could have killed her at anytime and then she has no leverage to protect her children??? she was literally wed to ozai when she was like....barely out of childhood to test a eugenics experience how was she supposed to harness girl power and escape and magically have her children come out unharmed? i could literally write wide sargasso sea about ursa

i actually think the way they eastern and western ideas about religion a lot i wish we had gotten more of that. like the idea of the avatar is both a singular powerful figure who has the power to save humanity which is a pretty central figure of christianity, and then obviously the spirits/animism is “eastern” (that is a very generalized term and it exists in places other than asia i know) anyway id take a whole lore book about the spirits and the way spirituality works at a minutia level.

ozai gets the guillotine i dont care what aang says 

i know from a character development/narrative standpoint it is very fufilling buuuuuuut why is bringing an entire country out of a war/deprogramming them/completely revolutionizing the country left on a traumatized 16 year olds shoulders with no help from his family like....iroh i know you want your tea shop and not to make your nephew seem like a puppet but.....sir.......

literally would have appreciated any lu ten information who is this handsome man?

[pickledchickenetti]

So I’ve had something on my mind for the last week or two that I’ve been trying to figure out how to best start a post about and coming up short. We all know that I have a tendency to be long-winded, and some of this post is going to be stream of consciousness, at least moreso than my usual longer posts, which I usually wait to start until I have a pretty solid idea of what I want to say and how I want to say it. I may go back and edit this some at the end, I may not, probably depends on how it comes out. (Edited at the end to add: I’m not editing anything. It’s long and I’m not expecting anyone to force themselves through it, but thanks to those who do!) Since this is partially me using my blog as a place to ruminate on some things, I’m going to put it under a read more for those who don’t want to have it clogging up their dashboard. 

Lately I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings regarding social media and what voices and mindsets I allow to be a part of my everyday life. I put a lot of effort into carefully treading the line between taking unnecessary negativity out of my social media feeds and creating an echo chamber where I only see people who agree with me. Most of the time, the decision comes down to the tone and intent. If someone is consistently rude, angry, or condescending, with very little useful contribution to any conversation I unfollow them. This applies to people on Facebook who constantly use slurs, post hateful things about people with opposing beliefs or political stances (even if I generally agree with that person’s beliefs or stances) with little attention to facts, and it also applies to people here are just needlessly rude with no real contributions to the overall conversation. 

The older I get, the more I find choosing kindness to be a priority in my life. I’m not perfect; I fully admit there are still times when I’m rude or condescending. Sometimes this is an accident, and unfortunately sometimes it isn’t. I don’t like this, and I try especially hard not to be intentionally condescending. Kindness is a choice, and progress takes time. 

As I’m sure most of you know, I am often very critical of @kristagay‘s posts. I still stand by many, possibly even most, of the opinions I’ve shared. Kindness is important to me, but it’s also important to me to not let other people’s hurtful words or actions go unchecked when I have the ability to say/do something. (This applies to everyone in my radar, not just Krista.) I have very strong opinions on a number of subjects, but it’s especially important to me to speak up in defense of others in the LGBTQA community as that’s a community I belong to and those struggles are more personal to me. 

A little while back, I got a string of anons (many were answered, some were deleted) that made it seem like someone was trying to create some sort of feud between me and Krista. As I said in one of the posts at that time, I was under no illusion that Krista was reading any of my posts that didn’t tag her directly, and had no interest in any sort of feud. Krista does not follow me, and in general does not seem to interact much on Tumblr beyond asks to her and posts she is directly tagged in (or reblogs/comments on her posts of course). I would likely be the same way if I stumbled onto a community of people discussing every little detail of people I was friends with in real life. I would want to set the record straight and defend my friends while also respecting their privacy, and as a result I doubt I’d interact much anyway. I respect her choice to not discuss them at all, even the things seen on TV, and hope she will continue to make that choice no matter how annoying people asking her for info might get. (And to Pickles and anyone else who has crossed the line and sent her intentionally inflammatory messages/questions about the Duggars or hate for the sake of hate, please kindly delete your accounts and learn how to interact with actual humans in a respectful way.) 

When I got the string of anons asking me about Krista, I took a step back and tried to objectively examine why I followed Krista, why I continued to devote energy in responding to her posts, and if it was worth my time and emotional energy to continue doing so. The difference I found between Krista’s posts, which do often frustrate me, and posts from others who I have chosen to unfollow and/or block is the intent and context behind the posts. 

At the end of the day, Krista and I are very similar. We were both raised in very conservative families/churches, who had different plans for us than the lives we’ve chosen to pursue. We’ve both come to believe differently about God than the churches we were raised in. And we both know what it’s like to have to keep up appearances, especially online, in order to not destroy (or majorly hurt) relationships with people in our lives offline who it’s still important to maintain a relationship with. 

There are a couple big differences between us. First of all, I’m gay. I came to believe differently than the church I was raised in largely because I’ve had to just to be who I am and not feel depressed and suicidal all the time. When you grow up gay in a conservative family, life gives you two choices: shut off who you are and spend your life convincing yourself you are who you were told you were supposed to be or do major amounts of soul-searching to figure out who you are and how to accept yourself. When you’re already evaluating one major aspect of who you are and what you believe it becomes nearly impossible to not do that same evaluation on the other beliefs you were raised in. Because of this process, I’ve come to see a lot of hypocrisy and downright lies in the belief system I was raised in. This has pushed me into developing a pretty strong set of opinions, beliefs, and political stances that stand in stark contrast to my family and lifelong family friends. 

As a cisgendered straight woman, Krista did not have this huge thing forcing her to do major soul-searching. Despite this, she has done soul-searching, and seems to still be doing it. (It’s really a lifelong process, after all.) She has stepped out into a world that she likely didn’t consider being able to live in as a little girl. She’s pursued an educational and career path that’s impressive for even women who were raised being encouraged to focus on education, so for someone in her church and belief system to get to where she is is monumental, and for that I applaud her. So while I definitely disagree with her beliefs on a number of subjects, and will continue to say so (with thoughtful responses, not just complaints) when I feel her posts call for it, I am doing my best to remember that no one was born perfect, and she is still learning just as much as the rest of us are. I’ve said many times that I really do believe her intentions are good, and I stand by that belief. She’s learning. She’s trying. She may be one of the more conservative voices in our tumblr community, but many of us have admitted we used to be worse than we are now, and she’s come a long way from who she once was too. 

The other big difference between us, at least as far as tumblr goes, is that she has chosen to attach her name and face to her posts on here, and I have not. Many of you know who I am, follow me elsewhere, etc. That doesn’t change the fact that publicly, all you see is a food-based username and (currently) a photo of Jana Duggar on a boat. I share my first name, my age, and my general location. While someone who knew me offline could likely piece together my identity if they paid enough attention, I am careful to not overly-identify myself. This relative anonymity grants me the privilege of speaking freely online without worrying about offline consequences. Krista has not granted herself that same anonymity. I’m honestly a little embarrassed that I had never considered before the fact that she likely does not feel she can speak freely on Tumblr. I am very careful what I post on my other social media platforms. When my name and face are attached, I pretty much never mention LGBTQA issues for fear of outing myself and losing family members I’m not ready to lose. I don’t post about the abuses found in many Baptist churches or the lasting harmful effects I feel from my overly-religious childhood. This is partially to avoid a can of worms with a widespread ripple effect and partially out of respect for my parents and their desire to not have to defend me for believing things they don’t even agree with themselves. For Krista, the things she says here can and likely do affect her life offline, and it’s something that’s important to keep in mind when reading her posts. 

I don’t say all of this to say that Krista gets a pass for hurtful things she says. We all are still accountable for the things we say, and she has chosen to put herself in the position of having to choose between saying things that will hurt her offline life, censoring herself, or staying silent. There are topics I still wish she would just address openly or not at all. But at the end of the day, she has the same right to censor herself here as I do elsewhere, and I will be trying to keep that in mind going forward. When interacting with her privately, she’s only ever proven herself to be kind and open to hearing what I have to say. In the future, I may give her the same respect I often give my offline friends where I just send her a DM to clarify her intent of a seemingly rude or hateful post instead of just calling her out publicly. We’re all learning, Krista included. 

Social media, especially Tumblr, has given in to a dangerous mindset that’s often referred to as “cancel culture”. There are times when it is absolutely the right choice to “cancel” someone. Like I said at the beginning of my post, we have the right to choose what voices to allow into our feeds. We should all take advantage of that right and do what’s best for our mental health. I just think we should also be more mindful of context and intent when deciding whether or not to “cancel” someone. We all say we want young girls (and boys) in fundie communities to get out of that lifestyle and find better beliefs, but getting out doesn’t happen overnight. Many of us have the benefit of getting here after shedding many of our toxic beliefs. For those who aren’t there yet, I hope we will just remember to choose kindness and respect and do our best to be open to educating them without being hateful or derogatory. 

[justalittlebluetiefling]

WIP Tag Game

Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I was tagged by @dracoterrae9099​! Thank you, my dear!

This is going to be a crazy list. I’ve got so many things I’ve been working on.... I’m gonna put this under a cut, because I’m scared it’s going to get too long. Also, this is going to reveal to you all that I’ve been toying with writing fic FOR OTHER FANDOMS and I’m scared you are going to hate me, lol.

I’m also not sure who else to tag, so if you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged! (I’m very tired please don’t judge me.)

The 100

Sometimes I Can’t See Myself - Bellarke/Modern AU/College AU - I almost didn’t include this, but it’s still technically in progress. I have one more chapter to go to finish and I think that I’ve been holding off, because it’s the first fic I ever published. I’m kind of scared of ending it, because it’s so monumental and means so much to me.

Untitled Zaven Fic - oneshot - prequel to Hope When All Seems Hopeless about Zeke’s return the welcome home party that led to the situation they’re in, requested by an anon.

Untitled Battlestar Galactica AU - primarily Bellarke, some Zaven/multichapter - this is super rough. I’m still in the outlining phase with a couple random chapters done. But it’s been something I have been messing around with for a while.

We Are Like Dominos - Bellarke/Modern AU/multichapter - Bellamy and Clarke run into each other for the first time in six years at a bar. This is basically a retelling of season five, but in a modern setting. It is going to be very angsty. I have an outline and one chapter completed.

If You’re Not Going, I’m Not Going - season 4 Bellarke/canonverse/oneshot - Bellamy and Clarke discuss going to the bunker post DNR.

Untitled Bellarke Fic - modern AU/oneshot - Bellamy and Clarke teach at the same elementary school. Cute, fluffy fun where their students think they’re together even though they aren’t. Yet.

Veronica Mars

The Collision of Stars - AU where Lilly doesn’t die. Would Logan and Veronica still end up together, anyway? (Hint: yes.) This is closer to fluff than angst, but there is some angst in there. It’s also probably about 2/3 done.

Minute Hands Were Never Slow Enough - Pre-series; how Logan and Veronica meet. The story of their friendship and the events leading up to the series. Also contains some drabbles about events in between episodes during the series. This one is probably close to halfway done.

Untitled LoVe AU - Logan and Veronica are childhood friends. Slow burn with lots of mutual pining. They don’t even realize that the other might like them until college. Very rough draft with a very rough outline.

Untitled Greek, but not-Greek AU - College AU very roughly inspired by Greek. Enemies to friends to lovers. Also only has a very rough outline. Veronica knows the Kanes from high school. Logan ends up in a frat with Duncan, but doesn’t know any of them prior to this. 

That First Night We Walked Home / You Forgot Your Raincoat On Purpose - two-part fic inspired by the song Raincoat by Timeflies. That First Night We Walked Home is about how Veronica and Logan meet at one of Lilly’s parties and instantly click. You Forgot Your Raincoat On Purpose is a sequel-ish thing. Veronica and Logan reconnect at another one of Lilly’s parties a couple years after they have a falling out.

Anne of Green Gables/Anne with an E

For most of these, I focus on book-Shirbert, but there is some inspiration from the show ship in some of these.

Untitled Modern AU - oneshot - Gilbert overhears Roy talking about proposing to Anne. He tries to convince himself that he’s okay and he’s over it and that sending her flowers on the day of their college graduation is a totally normal and not romantic thing to do at all. This is actually done and only needs editing... but I haven’t decided if I want to post it yet.

Untitled Harry Potter AU - slow burn/multichapter - I’d say this is 2/3 of the way done at 30k words.The story is fully outlined.

Untitled Canon Divergence Fic - multichapter - What if Gilbert didn’t propose their sophomore year? Would Anne still start to date Roy? How would she react when Christine shows up their Junior year? I wouldn’t call this outline rough, but I also wouldn’t call it complete.

Reckless Lover Trilogy - modern AU/series, multichapter/super angsty/both one-sided AND mutual pining - this set was inspired by the song Reckless Love by Handsome Ghost. Anne and Gilbert became friends their senior year of high school and both ended up having to stay behind in Avonlea for two years before going off to college on different sides of the US. There are three stories in this series and the series is fully outlined. Individual works listed below:

We Both Know Better (Maybe We Don’t Though). This is about their last summer together before they go off to different colleges. Anne asks Gilbert to kiss her, because he’s her best friend and she trusts him and she’s never really been kissed. It... escalates. This story is actually complete, pending edits.

Short Endings or Cheap Goodbyes. This takes place over the years that Anne and Gilbert are separated. It is about how they handle that separation and how long Gilbert can hold in his real feelings for Anne.

I Couldn’t Let It Go. After Anne and Gilbert manage to repair their relationship, Anne isn’t sure if he still loves her or if she’s reading too much into it. And it hurts, because she’s finally realized her feelings for him.

Untitled Soulmate AU - I wish I could find the post that inspired this. It is something like, your soulmate’s favorite word is printed on your wrist and the word on your wrist is your name. Anne’s wrist has her own name on it, which is very confusing. Both of Gilbert’s arms are covered in words, much to his dismay. This takes place in the AWAE universe and is basically fully outlined.

[venusparker]

dinner date ↬ p.p

prompt: “i know your mom hates me” (either one of them) for tom holland, thanks 

warnings: cursing, fluff 

notes: i did a whole answer to this anon on why i choose not to write about real people as themselves rather than their characters that they play! but thank you for this request :) please send in more and i hope you enjoy 

Peter rarely left Queens, unless it was important like the “retreat” to Berlin, or Aunt May wanted to take them on vacation. Usually, he stayed in his neighborhood, not too far from everything he grew up with and around. It was pitiful (Ned’s words, not his), but it was nice and he hadn’t ever really felt the need to go out as himself to just eat somewhere fancy in Times Square or Manhattan.

Tonight, however, was different. 

He had never felt more uncomfortable in his own apartment. He was frantic, cleaning every crook and crevice, wishing that he somehow had the power to turn his kitchen into a gourmet fine dining area—maybe that would be more impressive. 

 It was dinner night. The dinner night that Peter had spent weeks stressing over, constantly babbling about it to May and Ned, and really, even Tony Stark—because he was that nervous and needed someone to talk to. He would constantly trip over himself, more than usual, trying to get his mind off it and calm down, struggling to keep his chill. 

What do I wear, what do I say, oh, God, do I shake their hands?

Peter was a mess. He had known you for years, ever since school started, and he was one of your best friends—so why was he so sweaty? You were his girlfriend, one of the best friends he ever had, and it was as though he were meeting you for the first time. 

He runs a hand through his hair before sighing and going over to the bathroom mirror to fix it again. It’s natural curl is showing from how much he’d been tugging at it anxiously, and he’s surprised his lip hadn’t yet bled from how much he’d bitten it. 

“Peter,” Aunt May says, rolling her eyes at him and he gives her a distracted glance, “You look fine and [Y/N]’s parents will absolutely adore you. And with that adorable face? Who wouldn’t?” 

“Oh, God,” Peter groaned, closing his eyes in embarrassment, “Please don’t say anything weird or mortifying. And definitely do not offer to show them baby pictures.” 

Aunt May clicked her tongue as they both walked back to the living room, Peter bouncing off the hardwood floors. “Shame, guess I’ll have to put away all the albums again.” 

The doorbell suddenly rings and Peter is dashing towards the door, his black sweater clinging onto his body for dear life. He goes to open it, but then pauses and takes a minute to register himself. Okay, Peter: be cool, be cool, don’t open the door too quick or else you’ll look like you’ve been waiting and that’s creepy.  

He opens it slowly and sees you and your parents standing there. He instantly smiles as you gaze up at him and for a moment he forgets that he’s two seconds away from fully shitting his pants. He lets you all in as he watches Aunt May introduce herself to your parents.

“Wow, you clean up nice,” you compliment teasingly, grinning. You stayed back and Peter closed the door, shaking his head at you. 

“Babe, that hurts, why do you sound so shocked?” He asks in mock disbelief and you two walk over to the table. 

Both of you are whispering and you know it’s because he’s apprehensive. He wants to impress your parents, dazzle them, let them know that he’s perfect for you and that he’ll treat you right—but he doesn’t know how. You can tell by the expression on his face. 

“Babe? Huh, you must be getting confident, Parker,” You tell him and his cheeks are pink instantly. 

“Peter,” your mother says suddenly when Aunt May seats all of you and brings out the food Peter begged her to order from the five-star Italian delivery restaurant. “It’s good to see that you’re okay.” 

Your eyes widen and Peter lifts a brow. “Pardon?”

“After the Washington Monument incident,” you add on quickly, glancing at your boyfriend. You turn to your parents, “Peter wasn’t there, thankfully. Remember, I told you I wasn’t either. We weren’t together in the same room, of course. I was on the ground with MJ, and yeah…” 

Everyone begins eating and Peter shifts awkwardly in his seat. He doesn’t know what to say. He wants to charm your parents with his wit and intellect, but nothing is coming out. And if something did, it’d only be his stammers. 

“So, what’s been going on at school?” Aunt May asks, encouraging to clear the air. “[Y/N], your mom and dad told me about the volunteering you’ve been doing for service hours.” 

You bite your tongue. Your parents loved to brag about you whenever they weren’t complaining. Peter lit up, turning to you, practically throwing you his undivided attention. 

“School’s been great, really. After we won nationals, Flash just keeps bragging about how he rightfully deserved that trophy,” you start, and Peter looks at you and laughs. 

“Flash couldn’t have won it even if he tried.” 

“Easy for you to say, you weren��t even there,” you point out, rolling your eyes playfully. “You were off playing—” 

“Playing what?” Your Dad joined in and you bit your lip at his authoritative tone. 

He had the voice whenever he talked to Peter, or any boy that even looked at you for that matter. Your dad was probably the biggest ball of sunshine that ever existed, and to see him try and act like the bad cop to your mom’s good cop was ridiculous. 

“Um, I was out…playing—” Peter stutters and you quickly rush in to save him. 

“Zelda!” 

The whole table looks to you and while Aunt May gives Peter confused look, your parents do the same to you. You bit a bite out of some pasta and took a sip of water, your hand finding Peter’s under the table. He squeezed and you shrugged at your parents. 

“Peter wasn’t feeling well, which was unexpected, and he didn’t go to nationals. So he just played Zelda in his hotel room,” you reassured, lying through your teeth. 

Who knows how your parents would react if you told them you were dating the masked hero by the name of Spider-Man? Sure, they probably wouldn’t believe you and laugh at your attempt to make your geeky (your dad’s words) boyfriend sound cooler, but on the off-chance they took you seriously—you’d probably never be allowed to see Peter again. At least not in the way you wanted. 

“Peter has a tendency of being unpredictable,” Aunt May jokes with your parents and they actually laugh, making you think that this whole thing is actually going well. 

Your heart would break if it didn’t, but right now you could only hope for the best. 

Luckily, the adults became enveloped into their own conversation, bonding over how insatiable and complicated raising teenagers was. Apart from your father’s daggers at Peter (which were, at most, simply warning glares), you and him were unnoticed. You just couldn’t leave the dinner table. 

“Crap, crap, crap,” Peter repeats over to you, “I think I’m going to pass out if your dad asks me another question. He’s so scary! You told me he was a huge nerd. Why’d you lie?” 

You scoffed and hit him lightly on the chest (gaining another head-shake from your father).

“Peter, he literally gushes about the Avengers and Spider-Man all the time. He’s just not exactly comfortable with me dating so young. Not everyone is as cool as your aunt.” 

“Please never call her cool again, her ego might blow through the roof,” Peter tells you and you chuckle. “But seriously, I think they hate me. They’re going to forbid you from seeing me and—yup, your mom? I know your mom hates me.” 

“Yeah, okay, sure. That’s why she says that you’re handsome and smart all the time, right?” You confess to him, “Trust me, they like you.” 

“Are you sure? Because I can clean up nicer, you know, and I can be funnier—I have a couple jokes that Ned and I have been working on—” 

“Peter, stop! If you do tell a joke that was made up by you and Ned, then my parents will really hate you.” 

He licks his lips nervously and huffs, “Gee, thanks.” 

“They could never hate you, Peter. You’re…you. You’re adorable and sweet and kind. You’re our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. I mean, that’s pretty awesome,” you say, smiling at him. “Just don’t break my heart, Parker. Or else, they’ll have your head on a pike.” 

He blushes. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

His phone suddenly rings, interrupting everyone’s conversation. He pulls out his phone and both of you can see the caller ID. 

Happy Hogan.

“[Y/N]…” He whispers, ignoring the stares he’s getting from May and your mother and father.

You nod, “Peter, go. Just come back in one piece.”

He takes the call and goes to his room, leaving you alone at the table with three adults. You awkwardly take a bite out of Peter’s untouched dinner roll, chewing hesistantly. 

“Thank you for having me over for dinner, Aunt May,” you acknowledge, trying to steer the topic away from the elephant in the room. 

“What happened, is everything alright?” Your mom asks and Aunt May looks annoyed and disappointed. Your dad is picking at his food.

“Yeah, everything’s alright!” You said truthfully. You were more than okay with Peter’s frequent disappearances; it’s not like he couldn’t just refuse to help out and use his abilities for the common good. All you wanted was for him to be alive at the end of the day.

“Remember I told you about the Stark Internship he has,” you continued, watching your mom’s face light up with recollection of the memory. “"I told Dad about it too, but I don’t know if he was actually listening.”

Your dad looks up, “I wasn’t.”

May shakes her head. “I am so sorry, [Y/N]. I’ve talked to him about this whole internship thing and he just—do you want me to talk to him right now?” 

You almost jump up. “No! No, it’s fine. Completely. Mom, Dad, we should get going now anyways, right? You both have work tomorrow and I’ve got homework. Thank you so much, May, I hope we can come over another time.”

Aunt May sighs, but lets the Peter thing go. “Of course, sweetheart! Come over anytime you like! And [Y/PARENTS’/N], it was glad to meet the both of you for the first time!”

You wait as your mom and dad return her affections, thanking her and giving her a small friendly hug. Despite you displaying full support, May still flashed you an apologetic and sympathetic look as she hugged you goodbye and shut the door. You couldn’t blame her; she still had yet to find out that the boy who she practically raised as her own son was constantly running into imminent danger. 

As you walk to the car, thinking of how your boyfriend was currently saving lives and helping people, your mom gives you a concerned look.

“Do you know what that was about?” She questions and you take a moment to respond.

Peter in his suit flashes through your mind, and you shake your head.

“Nope. Not a clue.” 

[rax-writes]

Title: Torn and Frayed Fandom: Stranger Things Characters: Jonathan Byers x Reader Word Count: 1,845 Warnings: None Notes: Request from anon for “Something for Jonathan from Stranger Things? Reader is an artist and Jonathan takes his pictures. Reader has a huge thing for Jonathan. They are always drawing him and sometimes they don’t even notice they are. One day Jonathan notices and reader tried to cover up the drawing but he sees it. And ahh fluff and maybe they meet up again like at his place because he forgot his camera”

There are certain people in this world who seem to have been made just so that they could come into your life. They are the ones who share your interests and passions; the ones who never fail to make you feel comfortable and loved. You had only ever known one such person – a young man by the name of Jonathan Byers. And from the very first day you met him, you were invariably thankful for him.

You hadn’t intended to fall in love with him. In fact, you didn’t even want to. Jonathan was your best friend, and you wanted it to remain that way – nothing more, nothing less. However, in hindsight, falling in love with him was the easiest, yet most monumental, thing that you had ever done.

Jonathan understood your love for drawing, as it mirrored his love of photography. He never thought it was stupid that you would occasionally come to school with a large cup of coffee in hand, and dark circles beneath bloodshot eyes, simply because an idea had struck you in the middle of the night, and you just had to draw it. He only gave you a pitying smile, and half-heartedly chided you for not getting a decent amount of sleep. And he never stared at you like you were crazy for abruptly telling him to stop the car, because you saw a beautiful scene that compelled you to draw. He always did as you bade him, often taking a few photos of it himself.

It only made sense that your sketches began to drift away from strangers and scenery – to images of Jonathan.

He became the only thing that you had any interest in drawing. And, since you were vehemently against allowing yourself to fall for him, regardless of how inevitable it was – you simply stopped drawing altogether.

Not allowing Jonathan to take up all the space in your sketchbook was not enough to quell your feelings for him. So, you slowly began to distance yourself from him, spending less and less time with him, until it became where the only time you saw him was during class. You knew that it bothered him, and that it wasn’t fair to him, but you weren’t about to ruin the best friendship you’d ever had on some stupid crush that you were certain would disappear.

But days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and your love for Jonathan remained. If anything, it only became stronger, spurred on by your desperation to be with him. You knew that you were only making you both miserable – you could see it on his face every time you turned down an invitation to spend time with him, and you could feel it in your heart each time that heartbroken look crossed his features.

You were up late one night, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling as you lamented on all these factors. Would it be best to just resume your friendship, and keep your feelings hidden? Or would that ultimately become too much for you to bear, resulting in you ruining your friendship? What if you were to focus all your romantic attention on someone else? Would that help your feelings for Jonathan go away?

You nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard a faint tapping against your bedroom window. You were on the first floor, so it wasn’t exactly a feat for someone to be outside room, but it was nearly midnight – why would someone be there?

Brandishing the only weapon you had – a small pocket knife – you flung open the curtains, only to be met with the hesitant face of Jonathan Byers.

“What the hell are you doing?” you hissed, but nevertheless, unlocked and opened the window for him.

Jonathan wordlessly climbed into your room, before taking a seat at your desk, which sat against the wall opposite from your bed. The way he moved about the room with ease showed how many times this had occurred – him sneaking into your room via the window, in the dead of night, and sitting with you – but it had been months since this had last happened. And something about the way his shoulders hung, and the pained expression on his face, told you that that was precisely the reasoning behind his visit.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

The words hit you like a truck as you took a seat on your bed, facing him. Jonathan had never been one for bluntness; he tended to beat around the bush for a bit before arriving at his point. You could tell from his direct question that he had been preparing himself to ask it for a while.

“I haven’t been avoiding you,” you lied – then realized it was for naught, because he always knew when you were lying. He said that you tucked your hair behind your ear before every lie – and he was absolutely right.

“Bullshit,” Jonathan retorted, and the mixture of hurt and anger was evident in his voice. “You’re not even drawing anymore, and you’ve been avoiding me for nearly three months now. A thousand times, I’ve thought about anything I could have possibly done to upset you this bad, but I can’t come up with anything. You’re treating me like I’ve done something terrible to you, but you won’t even tell me what it is I’ve done.”

“That’s because you haven’t done anything,” you said softly, unable to meet his gaze. Instead, you fiddled with the frayed end of the blanket on your bed. He said nothing, clearly waiting for you to elaborate – but no more words would come to you. You couldn’t tell him that you didn’t want to be friends with him anymore, because that would be a blatant lie – nor could you tell him the truth.

“Then just tell me what’s wrong with you, Y/N!” Jonathan said, his tone rising in pitch with clear exasperation. As he often did when aggravated, one hand flailed out, managing to knock a few things off of your cluttered desk. He exhaled slowly, calming himself, then bent to pick everything up.

You felt your heart stop when you realized that one of the items he had knocked over was your sketchbook, and it fell open to one of the pages that contained numerous sketches of him.

“Jonathan, wait –” you began, but he had already picked up the book, and he froze when he saw what was clearly various drawings of himself on the page before him. Your breath caught in your throat, and you found yourself entirely unable to move.

As Jonathan began to flip through the pages of your sketchbook, revealing page after page of him – everything from his face, his eyes, his lips, his hands, to his damn shoes – you remained motionless, frozen by fear. He only stopped when he reached the blank pages, and he continued to stare at those blank pages for what felt like an eternity before he looked up at you.

“Why are there so many drawings of me in here? You used to never draw me – you said that you hated drawing people that you know.”

“I… I was, uh… practicing portraits. My art teacher told me that I needed to practice portraits,” you managed to stammer out, and you immediately realized that it was the worst lie you had ever told. Jonathan realized this too, and he didn’t look the least bit convinced.

“Why have you been drawing me, Y/N?” he repeated, his tone soft and tentative. You attempted to come up with another, more convincing lie, but not a single thing came to mind.

“Because I’m fucking in love with you, alright? You happy?” you blurted out, the bitterness of your defeat making your voice harsher than you intended. “That’s why I was drawing you, and that’s why I started avoiding you. I thought that if I steered clear of you, I’d stop loving you, but I haven’t.”

“You… you’re in love with me?”

“Yes, now you can leave and never speak to me again, because I know that you don’t feel the same way. So, go on – leave,” you spat, crossing your arms to hide your heartbreak with anger.

Jonathan only sat there, staring at you for a few moments before slowly rising from his seat, and coming to sit next to you on the bed. You couldn’t bring yourself to look into his eyes, because you knew what was coming next: a forced lecture about how he’s sorry that he doesn’t feel that way about you, but you’re a great person, and he’s just not the one for you. And this would undoubtedly be followed by a series of horribly awkward encounters throughout the remainder of your friendship, as both of you tried, and failed, to ignore the fact that you were hopelessly in love with him.

Instead, however, Jonathan cupped your face in his hands, before pulling you into a kiss.

Yet again, paralyzed with shock, you froze – but that didn’t last long. You were quick to recover, your hands falling upon his upper arms, and pulling him close to you. The kiss began slow and hesitant, as neither of you were certain that this was what the other had wanted. Although, it didn’t take long for the both of you to deepen the kiss. His hands lightly traveled from your face, down your back, to rest on your waist, as your arms wound around his neck.

After a brief eternity, you broke the kiss in an attempt to get air – and you smiled with Jonathan’s lips momentarily chased yours, indicating that he was just as reluctant to end the kiss as you were. He settled for resting his forehead against yours, and both of you relaxed with your eyes closed, breathed heavily as you calmed from the high of the kiss.

“So… I take it that means you might sort of like me back?” you inquired, your tone lighthearted despite the fact that you wanted a serious answer. Jonathan’s response to your confession of love insinuated that your feelings were requited – but you needed to actually hear him say it.

Jonathan let out a light, breathy laugh, before nodding.

“I’m in love with you, too, Y/N,” he affirmed. “I have been since… well, I think since the day I met you. But I never thought for a second that it was even possible for you to feel the same way, so I never did anything about it.”

“Well, for someone so smart, you were pretty damn wrong about that,” you teased, earning a laugh from him.

“I guess you’re right,” Jonathan admitted, smiling at you, which you reciprocated.

The two of you sat like that for a few blissful minutes, simply smiling at one another, before Jonathan cleared his throat and nervously ran a hand through his hair.

“So, uh… can I kiss you again?” Jonathan inquired, his voice timid, as if there were some nonexistent chance that you’d say no. His bashful demeanor brought a bright smile to your lips.

“Absolutely.”

@v-writings @emmcfrxst @skywalkingdixon

[softheartedpoet]

I lost myself in a 4 year long relationship. My mental illness made me toxic. This is a difficult question.. How can I grow, learn from it, and find myself?

hi love, thanks for coming to me with this, and trusting me enough to ask me for help—it means a lot to me. your ask is a difficult one, and i will try my best to answer it, as i myself am still learning how to grow from losing myself and losing others. that being said, i think everyone’s experience of growth is different, and what helped me might not be of any help to you, but either way, i hope you are at least comforted in knowing you aren’t alone. i’m putting this under a read more because it turned out to be much longer than i anticipated, which is also why it’s taken me a while to get back to you. thanks for waiting, and i hope it helps.

the first step—which i believe you are already on your way to completing just by coming to me with this ask—is being willing to grow, however painful that may be. i dislike when people sugarcoat on difficult topics, so i generally don’t either, and i won’t with you: growing pains are excruciating, and it can take a long time before the pain subsided and i began to see the results of the growth. deciding to grow is a constant commitment, and it takes time to reach the point where you can keep to that commitment.

if you’ve been following me for a little while (which i assume you have, if you’re coming to me for advice) you’ll know that over a year ago i hit a very low point. to claw myself back from that place of self-hatred and worthlessness took a lot of stripping down and rebuilding. start by asking yourself: what are the positive aspects of your core identity? for me, i started with two truths: i am a good friend, and a good writer. for a while—months—that was all i had. of course, there are a lot more truths to me than just those two: i am asian, i am a daughter, a sister, a cousin. a student, a researcher, a musician. but i didn’t feel like any of those things, not for a while. when i say identify the aspects of your core identity, i mean the ones that you believe about yourself, even at your lowest.

after that, try and strengthen the aspects you know you have and grow the ones you once had and want to get back or the ones you want to have. do you want to be a better artist? a better friend? or maybe just better at taking care of yourself, eating better, exercising more? tackle them, at whatever pace you want, but one at a time. during days when i feel especially motivated, i have tried to do everything perfectly, all at once, and more often than not i end up failing at some and feeling disappointed. don’t pressure yourself—try to cultivate a habit of patience and self-compassion. more on self-compassion and the mental illness you say you feel made you toxic: if you’ve been following me, you know i live with depression. i’ve gotten a lot better at managing it, but i still have bad days and sometimes even bad weeks. i think—and this isn’t a novel idea of mine; it comes from dialectical behavioral therapy—accepting that you will most likely continue to have bad days, but also accepting that you can get better (less bad days and more good days in between the bad days) is a monumental step towards making it better.

speaking from having blamed myself and hated myself for what i felt i had done (ruined the most significant relationship of my life thus far), it does hurt, and that pain makes you want to bury yourself into the first thing or person that alleviates the pain, even temporarily. don’t do that. as hard as it is, don’t do that. face the pain, take it by the shoulders, look at it in the light, and say, “this hurts, but i will be okay.” it might not feel like it, but eventually, you will be okay if you keep working towards it. it will most likely get wore before it gets better, but that’s okay. healing hurts, but the end result is worth the pain.

onto relationships: don’t blame yourself for being mentally ill. i do believe you should take responsibility for the things you do that might stem from your illness, especially when other people get hurt, but don’t hate yourself for it. living with mental illness is hard. loving with it is even harder. for me, it was easy to bury myself in my significant other. i placed my self-worth in him, his actions, and his affections, and it was too much for him. it would be too much for anyone, and when he left, i blamed myself. for having depression, for being needy, for being toxic and unhealthy. but in truth, i didn’t mean to hurt him, and i didn’t choose to have depression or have it affect those that i cared for negatively. realize that even if you were toxic in that relationship, you aren’t destined to always be toxic. your mental illness isn’t your fault. even if you feel you deserve it (which you don’t—i promise that you don’t), it isn’t your fault.

more on relationships: let the ex go. hanging onto that relationship and its toxicity will hinder your growth and prolong the healing period. that isn’t to say that you can’t reflect on it—i write about past pain often, but as a way to process the pain and move forward, not to dwell on the mistakes that i made. moving forward, cut out relationships that don’t seem to be healthy, even if you are the one who made it unhealthy and especially those that are being made unhealthy by the other person. recently—this past january, actually—i cut off someone i thought was a close friend of mine because she had been abusive towards me emotionally and i eventually realized the relationship was harming me and was only going to keep harming me.

how do you tell what relationships to keep and nurture and which to cut? first, keep a record (mental or literal, whichever is easiest for you) on how you feel after interactions. texting, meeting for a meal, talking on the phone. afterwards, do you feel angry, hurt, betrayed, irritated, or frustrated? those are probably signs that the relationship is hurting you. any relationship between two people has the potential to turn sour because we are all intrinsically flawed and selfish, but if a relationship is hurting you often and deeply, let it go. nurture those that build you up and support you instead.

i’ve tried to give some concrete advice, but i’d like to leave you with a few more tips i’ve gathered from living alone and living with depression. i don’t know what you struggle with, so they may not be relevant at all to you, but just on the off-chance that they are:

one — if you take meds, leave them (or some) by your bed, with an unopened bottle of water (not a cup, as cups can gather dust and that will make the water taste strange). on days when your body feels too heavy to move from your bed, you will still be able to take your meds on time and have water to drink.

two — always keep some healthy food and comfort food that requires little to no preparation around. energy bars, fruit, instant oatmeal, cereal, ramen, slices of cheese and bread for grilled cheese (my personal favorite), soup bases, mac and cheese from the box, frozen dumplings—whatever you like. eat these when you don’t have the energy to cook or go out and fetch food. if delivery is an option, use it, but not too often as it can be expensive, and if you’re like me, you might start to feel guilty or lazy for relying on delivery too much. (as a side note, i’ve recently learned that bread can be frozen, and toasts just as easily as non-frozen bread, but lasts a lot longer).

three — buy baby wipes. to clean your face when you aren’t able to shower, or to clean your hands, coffee table, nightstand, anything. they really are more useful than given credit for, and they’re soft on skin and almost all other surfaces, hence the name baby wipes.

now, a year and a few months later from my darkest point, i feel like i have shed who i once was and become something more wholesome. i’ve learned to keep and care for the parts of me that i liked, learned to cut out the rotting parts and smooth out the rough edges. friends that i’ve had for years have told me that i look healthier and brighter, glowing from within. that i seem different, still the same person, but happier. i tell you all this because i want you to know that it is possible, and i hope that you reach that point, too—when you can look back and see how much you have grown.

as always, if you (or anyone else reading this) wants to talk to me off anon, send me an ask. right now, i have messages turned off for blogs that i don’t follow (for reasons that i can share with you but off anon), but if you need to talk, i will follow you so we can message. hang in there, i love you.

[yoongihime]

do you have a fic rec tag? or perhaps a list of your fave works/authors?

//cracks knuckles// *this is gonna be a long ass post* WELL ANON as of recently I haven’t been reading that that much (school just started) but YES I do have a tag it’s called reads but to be very honest, I have been very bad at reblogging fics into that tag so you’ll just find a lot of Missy (which makes sense we’re practically two halves at this point) and fics people tag me in so I shall make a very brief list that is not at all comprehensive of people I read from and admire very much and just love in general but I WILL TRY. Maybe one day I will get off  my lazy (but very busy) ass to make a PAGE (MONUMENT) for these amazing, wonderful, talented and incredibly beautiful people that never fail to inspire me everyday. So without further ado: 

!! Fun fact, I have been on this website for too long so I have moved around but the OG’s that I read from (for exo and others) are mentioned in this post but I will mention some again bc my love for them is eternal (lol if they’re still active etc): 

@an-exotic-writer yes, sas. we get it. you love missy. evident in this tag here. well I really frickin DO. Please understand my obsession. You can stalk all her writing and I guarantee you they’re quality a f. Favs: sugardaddy!Jimin // merman!tae // vampire!Yoongi (all of which hurt me deeply) 

@dvehyun Gabs is low key gone but like high key an Inspiration to be so like… hi Gabs if you’re reading I frickin miss you. If you’re into dark, spine chilling fics she’s your girl. Her entire vampire series killed me and let’s not forget the time Jimin did a little somethin naughty HERE. 

@palpitate-hyperventilate Jo is also low key gone but still high key Inspires me. Her style is e v e r y t h i n g to me T.T again I say so much I miss you. THIS ONE is my fav. 

@theboyswhomwelove okay please please please read from Laura. True Legend to be honest. Some lines from the trophy are still stuck in my head to this day.

@exoticarmy127 MY FIRST TUMBLR FRIEND T.T  I’m sure you’ve heard of her amazing works but if you haven’t well I can direct you to Professor Kim Tae Tae right HERE and he’ll take care of that for you ;) 

@sa2ms your resident Sehun lover LOL jk jk but seriously I’m feeling so nostalgic going through this list of people I read from T.T but yes to Sam’s entire masterlist. 

OKAY then I slowly evolved into the BTS fandom that I am in today and well, fell in love we A LOT of writing for new people that I haven’t seen since I took a break from tumblr and it was a whole new world: 

@baebsaes okay Cherry doesn’t write anymore but I cannot express how much she’s inspired me to actually get back into writing again after I kinda stopped for a long ass time. Her style is so unique and elegant and just something I aspire to recreate, so you can just stalk her writing tag here and be blessed. 

@tayegi LU. WHO DOESN’T KNOW OF LU. PLEASE TELL ME. If you looking for a good time and to get wrecked by some smut then please refer to her ENTIRE MASTERLIST. I also been trying to meet up with her in real life IT’S AMAZING HOW WE’RE 40ISH MINUTES APART BUT HAVE NOT MET. 

@writingseoul The Goddess of smut in our fandom LOL. I reread Masked so many times and I’m pretty sure I can remember parts of it but at the same time it never fails to give me chills T.T 

@bts-for-life Go Big or Go Home WRECKED. ME. OH MY GA. My two biggest biaswreckers in one fic but in all honestly that was just my fav.Once again 10/10 masterlist. 

@jungkxook I’m sure y’all know her for her series Hiraeth but for me my favs are Pour Up and Back Seat Serenade actually all of them but like yeah those two LOL. Can you see my soft soft for Taehyung showing or? But yes I love love love her writing. 

@versigny I AM IN LOVE WITH KAPPY’S WRITING STYLE. It’s art and her vocabulary is to die for. I’m sure you’ve heard of the infamous Miss Dial which is cowritten by the ever so wonderful @cyphertrip (why is it not tagging T.T) but yes. both their styles, impeccable. 

@deerguk ANOTHER PERSON WITH BEAUTIFUL WRITING STYLE. I love fawn’s works so so much they’re so beautifully put together and just magical and just goals. Please proceed to her entire masterlist. 

@baeseoul OKAY here’s the thing I’m such a hoe for friends to lovers au and kinda angsty plot with really fricking sweet endings AND she gives me all of that, with the benefit of amazing smut. Yes okay my favs are When a Tornado Meets a Hurricane and A Friendly Favor (I bawled like a little girl I cannot I was so shook why kim tae tae always my soft spot) 

 @kainks Ashlee can just wreck me with her entire masterlist and I would say thank you. Once again– angsty plot with kinda sweet endings and great smut. My absolute all time fav is Triplicity (AGAIN I CRIED SO HARD MY PILLOW WAS SOAKED) 

@jungblue i hate you i love you. I just read it a couple days ago bc I kept thinking that I would be less shook if I prolonged it. Nope. Not at all still fucking #jungshook BUT the first fic I read from her was her Tae harry potter AU Under the Cloak lol naughty kim tae tae. ALSO she is a really genuine person (at least from what I can tell) from the way she takes time to answer her asks and yeah I love very much :’) 

@minsvga I will just say that since Philophobia is STILL ON GOING I’m still being wrecked to this day with this series. It’s wonderfully written and I am patiently waiting for more bc JIMIN VS JUNGKOOK MAN. MY HEART HURTS. 

@hyacinth-ink wow an OG?? I read I Can Be Your Addiction sooooo long ago BUT I STILL LOVE IT SO MUCH. It’s such a beautiful series that got my heart aching with every chapter T.T But of course I blew through Yuu’s masterlist in one sitting so I will argue that other pieces are also magnificent. 

@kittae: PLEASE GO READ EVA’S LATEST CATBOY JIMIN FIC. I WAS SO SO SO WRECKED AHAAAAAAAAAA RIP Me :’) ily Eva but at the same time you killed me. 

@inktae: mariiiii. omfg okay so I found mari some time during the middle of exam week probably and then I was eventually making my way through her masterlist when she disappeared and I was heartbroken bc I was falling in love with her style and so since she is back and better than ever please go read Blue Orchids. It will forever be one of my all time favorites and I am so so so happy that she’s back again. I NEED TO CATCH UP ON ALL HER NEW PIECES BC I KNOW THEY’RE ALL PROBABLY GONNA MAKE ME CRY. 

@astoryfor-you MY DEAREST KRISS. Please please please go read her FWB!Tae BC I love it like my baby. AGAIN BITTERSWEET STORY WITH SWEET ASS ENDING. also I just love kriss in general so like yeah.. go love her. 

@hobibliophile JULES go read her work bc they’re gems ;) lmao I’m a wreck I hate my puns. ANYWAYS I literally binged read all of her work in one sitting and was debating whether reblogging them all in one day would be creepy or nah so I decided against it BUT I REALLY SHOULD HAVE bc then I wouldn’t be here telling you that ALL OF THEM ARE GREAT AND I HIGHLY SUGGEST READING INTO THE WOODS BC IT WAS SO DARN CUTE (LIKE HER) 

@jiminniemouse all her stories are my favorites but somehow ALL THE ONES THAT INVOLVE JIMIN ARE MY ABSOLUTE FAVS. Like I’m pretty sure Brianna is to blame for ALL of my Jimin feels and the sole reason that Jimin is ruining my bias list. Locked in Love had me crying SO HARD (again a hoe for friends to lovers AU …bonus point childhood friends to lovers AU omggggg) I was pretty sure I fell in love with Park Jimin after reading this fic and Surprise, Surprise had me on. the. ground. bc 1. stripper Jimin and 2. stripper Jimin in domestic setting LMAO 

@syugatae I HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH JEN’S ENTIRE MASTERLIST BUT I WILL LET YOU KNOW WHICH IS MY FAV. FOR SURE. Most likely gonna end up being Remember the Night LOL I love smartass Tae so much. 

@bxebxee BECKY!! Momma bear. LOL honestly should have included her in the OG list bc I know of her Dark Past but it’s okay EITHER WAY doesn’t mean I love her work any less because wow I’m so glad to rediscover people I’ve lost. But my favorites are agent!yoongi and her royalty series (Impatient got me feeling some sort of way T.T) and well I just love her writing to bits. 

@sugajpg IGNIS. My new partner in crime?? AHAH OKAY SO I WILL SAY all her pieces wrecked me in some way m absolute favorite gotta be Devotion BC THE FRICKIN ENDING AHAHAHAHAH. I was like high key frustrated but at the same time I saw it coming so I couldn’t complain ahahh 10/10 and we might be writing a little somethin together soon ^3^ 

@the95liner SANA. Can I just say how much I love Heartthrob ?!!??! Because my friends to lovers AU heart was so wrecked with this fic and UGH HOSEOK IS JUST RUNING MY LIFE. But yes I love her dialogue skills oh so much, when will I finally be that witty?!? 

@triptaech SAM. UGH SAM. I SAY UGH BC HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE. I’ll just rant about her newest one: Home for the Holidays because RA Tae will now have my heart. It was so damn cute but at the same time so hot which is a lot like how Taehyung is IN GENERAL? So yes as you can imagine I am very much in love. Oh OHHHH AND SUGAR DADDY SLASH AUTHOR NAMJOON. omg. she labels it as crack I see it as well placed humor okay? 

@btssmutgalore Okay I usually have this policy where I don’t read fics unless they’re completed bc I CANNOT DEAL WITH CLIFFHANGERS. BUT I caved and read SIN CITY which is oh so sosososososos good. I’m so curious though?? Since it’s still on going I’m really looking forward to more character development from both Jimin and OC. ALSO brother’s best friend Hoseok makes my heart ache and ugh we cannot forget about Business 

I will compile some of them together (it is currently almost 2am) but that’s bc I simply cannot  choose a favorite from their masterlist at this time since I have unfortunately not been through the entirety of it so you’ll just have to stalk them on your own aha: 

@monstaccato // @spcywolf // @seokline // @infireation  // @greasytae // @zephyoongist // @cuzimsickwithhope // @chimdeer // @yoongguksx // my wife @hearts-of-paper (idk if you’re still posting T.T) 

okay I’m preTTY damn sure I forgot A LOT OF PEOPLE. But worry not I shall make a follow forever maybe sometime around June?? So maybe my blog’s Bday or my own Bday aha we shall see. Hopefully by the I shall be better about reblogging fics into the recs tag. FOR NOW PLEASE TAKE THIS LIST. I feel like this made me so tired I fangirled so hard about all of them. 

GOOD NIGHT LOVES