#microwaved grapes are nasty

[angelxd-3303]

Cinematic Parallels

Don't tell my partner, they'll revoke my grape privileges (⁠;⁠;⁠;⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠)

[cheyisagirlkisser]

.・College Ellie Headcannons゜・

Note: This is more loser Ellie-centric, I wanna maybe do a part two with just reader and her. Some sexual content and mentons of getting zooted below so 18+ warning!

•Art major, but she’s not the typical hot artsy lesbian you dream of her to be. More like rolls a fat blunt and sketches in her journal, it’ll either turn out to be a masterpiece or look like a crackhead had a go with her paper.

•Speaking of art major, when she’s horny and frustrated because she refuses to hook-up…she draws the lewdest art known to woman-kind. Those are her real masterpieces, but she can’t exactly turn them in for credit in her art class, can she? Fuck, the things that woman can make, though. Lowkey uses her exes naked bodies as inspiration though, maybe kind of weird but who’s gonna stop her?

•Doesn’t eat the food on campus half the time. She is embarrassingly addicted to Tai Pei containers and the occasional microwavable egg-roll. “That shit’s nasty, Ellie! Goddamn, just eat the Tacos 4 Life we have on campus.” Her friends will all tell her, but no. It’s like a guilty pleasure. Maybe it’s cause she grew up lower class and is used to TV dinners, has a special trauma bond to food that should be banned and probably is outside of America.

•Wardrobe consists of band tees, honorable mentions to Gorillaz and Falling in Reverse.

•Is actually an insanely talented writer. After reading her journals I feel like nobody talks about how emotional her entries are and she keeps a journal of her own in college for sure, not only for sketching and organizing art but also to write all her feelings out.

“Fuck me, this is my last year being gay.” -After her and Cat’s break-up, probably.

•Hates coffee. Definitely game-cannon, but this is important to the college setting. It’s the classic Monster or nothing, and she will absolutely judge you for drinking coffee. She calls it “the devil’s dirt.” So dramatic.

•Used to watch bad Hallmark movies because of Dina, now watches them alone because she misses Dina. There’s nothing like crying your eyes out to Christmas Under Wraps!

•Has a collection of rubber ducks on her shelf. Doesn’t use her very small space for normal things like her wallet or books, no. It’s rubber fucking ducks.

•Also has a slipper collection in her tiny closet, from Pikachu all the way to dinosaur feet.

•Has the “two-seater” t-shirt (iykyk) but refuses to wear it in public because she’s a pussy

•Favorite fruit is grapes. I just know my girl loves grapes when she can get her hands on them steer clear bc she will NOT share. Favorite candy is gummy worms!

•Actually wears rain boots when it’s wet outside or snowing

•Likes wired earbuds over airpods, listens to Pearl Jam when she misses living with Joel

•Is oddly good at making those little paper stars and has a huge grocery bag of then in all different patterns and colors

•When she starts dating you she shows you her dinosaur cookie-cutter collection because you're really good at baking. (Also bc she wants to see you in a frilly cute apron!)

•Is a slut for hugs. Kisses are cool, sex is great but agghhh Ellie just loves wrapping her arms around you and sometimes when you two are in her dorm she'll just hug you for what feels like hours on end, she calls it her 'weekly therapy.'

•Loves high sex because when she's sober she hates feeling like she's awkward or all up in her head. She also has a tendency to invite you over for sex after smoking.

•Has a septum piercing. Maybe this one is self-indulgent because I would go ballistic over seeing actual Ellie with one, but I say that college Ellie got hers pierced at 16 and didn't cry over the pain but wanted to literally jump off of a bridge the entire healing process it was so bad.

•Sometimes when you kiss her, her septum will slide over and look uneven and she feels fucking NIGERIA FALLS in her boxers when you fix it for her. Also for those of you who are sluts for glasses, you can fix her glasses too and it'll make her just as weak.

[borntoocry]

she won't go away

summary: camilla is a senior with a developed eating disorder she can't push off her. her best friend and crush, Ellie, knows nothing about it. until they skip school and Ellie becomes suspicious.

trigger warning: ED.

word count: 2.3k

I fully expected the clothes on my body to fit like a glove before my first day of senior year. But as I stand in front of the mirror, tugging at the material that won’t pull, I want to scream loud enough to break every glass reflection in the world so I never have to see myself again. This may be extreme, but one would understand if they knew the extremes I went to to lose weight. 

I figured that if I didn’t eat as much as I had and picked up on a running habit, I’d lose the nasty weight I put on junior year. 

“What the hell? That’s impossible,” I groan as I pick at the clothes and pinch my belly. 

“Impossible how good you look?” my mom asks, flooding into the bathroom. 

I immediately rub my hands down my clothes and look at her reflection in the mirror. I try to focus on her as best as I can. “No,” I say. “I don’t. This shirt and these jeans are tight.” 

“Then change out of them,” mom says. 

I like that she can be optimistic, but at the same time it angers me. She’s never been a bigger woman–always skinny and petite with hair that never fails her. I, on the other hand, depend on the way my hair falls on my face or how my clothes sit on my shoulders or stomach or how they hug my waist. She can put on a potato sack and still look flawless. And for that, I don’t always stand by her affirmative words. They may be kind, but they’re tainted. I am her daughter, and for that reason she sees me through a different lens. 

“Mom,” I murmur. 

“What?” 

Can’t you see? I want to ask her. But instead, I say, “They were supposed to fit me.” 

Her eyebrows raise up, silently asking, ‘What do you mean?’ 

“Nevermind,” I say, opting out of the conversation. Maybe if I don’t think about it, I won’t feel the pressure. 

I walk out of the bathroom and into my room. I throw off the top and grab a black shirt from my dresser. Mom follows me in but doesn’t fully enter, she just stands at the door. 

“You shouldn’t feel so insecure, Camila.” 

I hold back my scoff. It’s stupid, though, because I spurt out a smart remark. “Yeah, well I do.” 

“You did lose weight,” she says, “if that’s what you want to hear.” 

I pick a jean skirt and shimmy into it. It slightly sags and I smile at my mom. “Thank you.” 

She continues talking about my health and such but I tune her out. I pull on a thin cardigan, my dirty white sneakers, and my black backpack overly decorated by pins. By the time I’m done, my mom is whistling from the kitchen. I know this because I can hear her scuffling and the whirring of the microwave. 

“Yes!” I shout. 

“Eleanor is here!” 

I roll my eyes at the nickname and peek out the window. She sure is, in her black Jeep. I run down the hall and stop by the kitchen bar. My mom has left me yogurt and fruit. I look up at her and smile. She’s done this every day since I was in first grade. Then, there was more on the plate, but the main dish was the yogurt and fat slices of fruit (besides grapes). 

I pick it up and start for the door, but the soft voice of my mom cuts between my path. 

“You hang out with her a lot, huh?” 

I look at her and laugh. “Yeah, we’re friends,” I say. 

She pulls her lips in and her eyes turn to crescents. The look on her face is one I know all too well–she’s trying to look into me. I may not be lying–well, not really–but my face still warms up and I switch from my right foot to my left. 

I swallow harshly and say, “We’re just friends.” 

She shrugs and picks up her mug of black coffee. She stares over the ceramic, sending a questioning set of eyes my way.

 I take this as a queue to leave. 

I rush to Ellie’s car and hop in, my backpack falling between my legs. It thumps against the floor and a ‘damn’ rushes past her lips. 

“What?” I say. 

“I mean,” she says, rubbing her neck, “it’s barely the first day and your bag is already heavy.” 

“So?” 

“You don’t have to be so prepared.” 

“But I want to be,” I tell her as I pick up an ugly piece of watermelon. 

She lets me enjoy my heavy bag and drives us to school. She picks at my fruit and I let her eat my yogurt with my spoon. We don’t really care about that kind of thing, we’ve been friends since freshman year and she’s never minded. She doesn’t swallow the spoon, either, she just paws at the edge of the spoon. 

By the time we get to the parking lot, it’s ten minutes to the bell. We sit with the engine off for a minute or two and just watch everyone rush in. I don’t really remember much of anything before this summer. If even that. The slight eating disorder has stolen a bit of my memory. 

As if she can read my mind, Ellie asks, “Do you remember freshman year?” 

I shake my head. “No, not besides us meeting. And you know,” I say, looking at her, “the occasional first hang-outs and birthday parties and stuff.” 

She grabs my hand and lifts it to her lips. It shouldn’t catch me by surprise–she does this a lot, the kissing hand stuff–but my heart stutters and I struggle taking a breath.

“Ah, how I miss that.” 

“I know,” I whisper. 

“It was love at first sight,” she says in the same tone. 

What does that mean? I feel the need to ask. She’s staring deep into my eyes and I so desperately want her to be telling the truth but she may well not be. She may be saying this platonically. 

I nod. 

She reaches over the console and kisses my cheek. She lets go of my hand and steps out of the car. I do so as well, dragging my heavy backpack over my shoulders. 

I don’t ask about the comment or the kiss on the cheek. I don’t think it matters why. We’ll be going to college before we know it and most people want to be single then to explore and kiss and fuck who they want. I’m certain she’s all I’ll think about, but I’m not sure I’ll be the one on her mind. 

After fourth period, Ellie rushes up to me before the cafeteria doors and pushes me against a patch of lockers. “Let’s skip,” she says. 

“What?” I ask with a contorted face. “It’s the first day!” 

“So?” 

I look like a puppy the way I frown and shy away from her. “I want–need to show up.” 

Her hands run down my arms and one hooks into my right hand. “Fine,” she whispers, a whine in her tone. “Only for lunch.” 

“Won’t we get in trouble?” 

She sputters like an engine. “No. They don’t care.” 

I raise an eyebrow. 

“C’mon, Mila.” 

I look around and then down at our conjoined hands. “Where?” 

A big smile spreads across her face and she pulls me down the hall. “Somewhere you’ll remember.” 

“Where?” I ask again. 

She turns her head and purses her lips. “Shush and c’mon.” 

“I’m hungry,” I whine. 

“I’ll feed you, don’t worry.” 

She does. On the way to wherever we go, she pulls into a McDonalds and buys a twenty piece and two medium fries. I remember saying I was hungry, but as the food sits in my lap and the greasy smell pours into my nose, I feel ill. I hide it well enough for Ellie to tell, though. She doesn’t know and I want to keep it that way. 

On our way to the location, Ellie jokes about my self control. How I’ve yet to steal fries or begin eating. I laugh but the darkness behind the joke spills out and tries to suffocate me. So I peek my head out the window and let the warm air enter my lungs. 

When we get there, I do remember: a patch of dust and dead grass beside train tracks. It’s after a bunch of business buildings and venues. We found this place when Ellie got her license the summer before junior year. Joel, her adoptive dad, didn’t care where she went, nor how old she was. All he cared about was if she had her license. 

We would come here and eat burgers and fries and milkshakes. That was the year Ellie began smoking weed, and this was the perfect spot to do so. I never smoked, but I’d watch her. 

“I miss when we would sit here and just not say a word,” she says with a joint already in her hand. I want to tell her no, that we have class, but she puts up a good sober act. 

I nod and sit down on the log still lying on the ground from a year ago. I put the food between us and take out my fries. I nibble on one fry while she downs half of them in one go. 

I don’t speak, I let her do all the talking. I’m trying to add up all the calories I’m consuming. I’ve never been the best at math but when it comes to this I’m a fucking expert. 

I think I eat about five fries before Ellie notices. She turns to me while she stubs out her joint and almost hisses. I think about chunking them all in my mouth, but she’s caught me now. 

“You haven’t even had a chicken nugget,” she tells me. She opens the box and pushes it towards me. “I already ate my half.” 

“Oh,” I murmur and nod. “Sorry.” 

She doesn’t acknowledge my apology, but she does acknowledge the biggest elephant in the room. “You’ve lost a lot of weight since summer started,” she says. “Are you okay?” 

I hum. “Of course I am.” 

She sighs and reaches over, grabbing my fries. She places them inside the chicken nugget box and slides them over to her left. She scoots in and grabs my hand, tucking all of my fingers into a fist and caressing my knuckles. 

“You don’t look it,” she murmurs. 

I don’t know if I should take this as a snide or concerned statement. I opt for just shutting up. I know remaining silent doesn’t help my case, but it doesn’t plummet either. I just sit with her thumbs kissing my skin and look at the dirt. 

“I don’t mean this as a rude thing,” she continues. “You just look underfed, not well taken care of. You look whiter than normal and it’s been hot out.” 

I tsk. “Okay,” I moan. “Ellie, I'm more than okay. I just sat inside all summer. You wouldn’t know because you were gone for half the summer.” 

“–And  here for the other half, so I know something’s been up.” 

I don’t like that she’s trying to crack me open. If I wanted her to know about the eating issue, I would have brought it up. But it’s none of her concern, because it’s not even her body. 

“I am fine,” I say sternly. “You don’t have to worry about me.” 

She shoots up and looks over me, trying to intimidate me. She never has but now, I feel like a rock has slid into my throat and won’t go away. “Why aren’t you eating?” 

“I am!” I say, now almost shouting. 

“No,” she says, violently shaking her head. “You aren’t, and I care about you, Mila. So please” –she kneels on the ground in front of me– “tell me what’s going on.” 

I stare at her, my eyes drilling into her own. Gloss covers the surface and I realize my safety might concern her more than I thought. I shift in my seat and I take her hands. “I haven’t been eating, you’re right. I wanted to lose weight and all the working out and cutting out bad stuff wasn’t working. So I just stopped.” 

She leans forward and kisses me. It’s a small peck, but it feels like a bigger gesture than it is. Her face pulls away from mine but I follow her. I kiss her gently, my nose softly rubbing against hers and our breaths panning against one another’s faces. It’s the only breeze that alerts us that we’re here, and this isn’t some dream. 

I speak first. “I’m sorry,” I say. 

She pulls away and kisses both my palms. “No. Don’t apologize for not telling me. I just wish you trusted me enough to tell me this. I want to help you any way I can. I know it’s not something easy to fix, but I’m willing to sit down and help you.” 

I kiss her cheek. I mumble a thank you in her ear and rest my forehead on her shoulder. 

“So,” she chuckles two seconds later, “what are we going to do about this kiss.” 

I shrug and scoot back. “What do you want to do about this kiss?” 

She chuckles and stands up, pulling me with her. She grabs the leftovers and we race to her Jeep. I slide right in and immediately, we make out. It’s heated, and I don’t know if we should keep on doing it. 

I actually think we should wait. I kindly and slowly pull away, a trail of saliva that once linked us falling onto the fat of our lips. 

Ellie takes this as a sign to get going. She turns on her car and drives back to school, where no one but our teachers care for us.

[gwenbrightly]

(Re) Building the Future Chapter 4

Her entire body hurts, but at the same time she's floating. Weightless. Everything feels so far away. So muted. Her mouth feels cottony and there's a nasty aftertaste of rotten lavender mixed with lemon, along with a slight metallic tang. She feels like puking. Is this what dying feels like?

Dying. Cassie has never really thought that much about death before. Not even when her mom died. Though that was probably because she was too little to really understand things, back then.

But holy heck. The pain is intense. She hurts in places she didn't even know existed. On a pain scale of paper cut to mauled by a bear, she's giving this experience a solid 12/10.

If Cassie is dying, this is probably a good time to regret not leaving a note for anyone to find. Her dad won't know where to look for her. He'll be so worried when he gets back from his trip. So heartbroken when she never comes home. There'll be no more hugs. No more cheesy horror movie nights where they pick apart the horrible special effects and cringy writing. No more Cassie.

Oh, well. At least when she's done dying the pain will stop. Hopefully. Her… Her… Those human spaghetti thingies that allow you to feel pain? … Oh, right. Nerves. That's what they're called. Her nerves are on fire.

She longingly waits to be swept into the sweet oblivion of death, but her body seems to be taking its sweet time with that whole thing. After what feels like hours of agonized waiting, Cassie slowly cracks open one eye, then the other, blinking back tears from the painful blurriness of doing so. Maybe she's already dead and she needs to see heaven in order to accept reality? But no. Unless heaven looks like the inside of the Pizzaplex's Daycare, Cassie hasn't died (yet). Not that being in the daycare makes a lot of sense when the last thing she remembers is falling deep, deep below the sinkhole in Roxy Raceway. So maybe she's hallucinating to make herself feel better about being on the edge of death. Or something.

"Oh, good. I think she's waking up," Cassie hears a voice say. There's more, but she can't quite focus on any of it. Everything is still so foggy. She squints up at the source of the voice, trying to identify it. Milky white eyes come into focus. Cassie screams as everything goes black again.

"Get away from me, you monster!"

—-----

"Vanessaaaa!" Gregory calls, banging loudly on her bedroom door. Cassie has disappeared into the sinkhole and he and Freddy could really use some backup. When Vanessa doesn't immediately reply, he rattles it again and threatens to find his lockpicking kit.

"We've been over this before," an indignant Vanessa finally calls from the other side of the door, "You don't disturb me during Me Time and I don't judge your ability to turn video games into a contact sport or question your choices when you impersonate famous Metubers online."

"I knowwww, but this is an emergency!" Gregory insists, choosing to ignore the comments about his semi-legal internet habits.

"The last time you said that, you and Freddy had nearly succeeded in setting fire to our microwave," Vanessa points out. She sounds tired. Her latest therapy session must have been draining.

"We just wanted to see how many grapes we could explode at once," Gregory mumbles,"but forget about that for now. This is a way bigger emergency than that!"

Vanessa finally cracks her door open. She makes that 'I don't believe a word you're saying' face she's gotten so good at lately. The one with only one eyebrow raised - how does she do that, anyway?

"Uh huh," she says in a tone that matches her facial expression perfectly. How can he get her to listen?

Deciding there's no time to lose arguing with her, Gregory grabs Vanessa's arms and starts to drag her down the hallway as he frantically tries to explain the last few hours of Cassie getting herself into a buttload of trouble.

"Gregory, what the heck?" Vanessa starts to protest, but Gregory keeps bulldozing through his story.

"I… um… Might have hacked into the Pizzaplex's security program awhile back… And today while me and Freddy were playing Fazcraft, I got an alert. And when we checked the feed, somebody - a friend of mine - had gotten into the Pizzaplex and someone who sounded like me - butwasn'tmeIswear!"

"Okay, you need to slow down and breath. I can barely understand you," Vanessa cuts in, worried now. She plants her feet to prevent Gregory from dragging her any further. He tugs on her to no avail. Vanessa isn't going anywhere.

Gregory reluctantly gasps in a fresh breath of air.

"My friend is at the Pizzaplex and somebody talked her into deactivating the security nodes," he says more clearly, "Got it?"

Vanessa nods.

"Whoever it was - maybe that… Thing below the pizza? Which would be really bad if it was that." Gregory and Vanessa share a knowing look, "Got her to deactivate all the security nodes and now she's down under the sinkhole! Freddy and I tried to stop her but we couldn't and now she's all alone down there and we have to help her NOW!"

Vanessa says something that would normally prompt Gregory to demand she added a significant amount of money to their swear jar. He, however, decides that the situation will probably call for a great deal of swearing before all is said and done. Who is he to stand in the way of progress?

“So, uh,” Vanessa begins after a moment of awkward silence, “Now that I've had a chance to process all of… that… Have you ever wanted to hack into Freddy's restricted files?”

“Have I ever,” Gregory replies, stepping into the living room where Freddy is staring hopelessly at the monitor. “But how is that gonna help Cassie? It's not like hacking Freddy will turn him into some epic ninja bot or anything.”

Vanessa draws up a chair next to Gregory and Freddy.

“All of the animatronics are programmed with maps of all areas within the pizzplex grounds, from the VIP areas to the parking lot. Including the restricted ones, the ones no one is supposed to know about.”

“Why don't I have any knowledge of this?” Freddy questions. Vanessa looks uncomfortable for a moment.

“Let's just say the map program for these areas is only triggered once you hit a certain point. It's designed to make you forget the exact details once you've returned to the main pizzplex. For… Security purposes.”

“I… See.”

“Erm. Anyway, I was thinking we could use the maps to find your friend and get her out of there before something bad happens,” Vanessa explains.

“Okay if we poke around in your head a bit?” Gregory asks Freddy. Using the maps seems like their best shot. If they can get through to Cassie, that is.

“I suppose so. Just be careful not to cross too many wires or send me into cowboy mode again,” the bear relents. It's not like he has a choice, really. But he does so hate it when people mess with his programming.

“Freddy! Now is so not the time!” Gregory isn't proud of some of the places his curiosity has taken him. Vanessa clears her throat, interrupting their rabbit trail of distraction before it can continue.

“Focus, you two. Now, once we get access to Freddy's maps, we'll need a way to contact Cassie. Any ideas?”

The trio is silent for a time. Hacking deactivated bots didn't seem to be working earlier. There are no intercoms in the sinkhole. Only…

“Wait! I got it,”Gregory jumps up, “Cassie had one of those Fazbear Entertainment walkie talkies with her. I think I still have one in my room. We just need to find the right frequency!”

“You go get that while I get Freddy hooked up,” Vanessa instructs. With the speed at which he takes off, she is suddenly reminded why it was so difficult to catch Gregory at the pizzplex.

It doesn't take Gregory long to dig through the box of ‘spy equipment’ located at the back of his closet. He retrieves the walkie talkie and whacks it a few times to ensure that the (finicky) batteries are jammed in all the way. Satisfied with his work, he returns to the others. The first channel they try manages to get a response from the twins a few houses down, who are playing capture the flag. The second channel somehow connects them with all the police car radios within a 50 mile radius? Fazbear Entertainment probably needs to do something about that. Not that they care enough to do so. It would be a fascinating development for Gregory if there weren't more pressing matters. (He'll have to revisit this later).

The third channel is static. So much static. They're about to move on to channel number 4 when someone on the other end asks, “Gregory? Is that really you? I mean REALLY you?”

Cassie. She's not dead! (yet)

No one is surprised by her question. She's clearly had a run in with It. Gregory does his best to explain while the others jump into action. They move quickly, overriding the programming that usually blocks Freddy's maps as Cassie races through tunnel after tunnel. Vanessa and Freddy relay as many details as they can to Gregory, who practically shouts into the walkie talkie. Occasionally, they can hear It running in the distance, trying to catch up to Cassie. Thunk! Crash!

“Go right! Go right!”

“OK. Tell her there should be an elevator just up ahead,” Vanessa finally announces after what feels like hours of navigation.

“Almost there!” Gregory tells Cassie. She's so close to being safe. So close. They hear the elevator doors grind open and the sound of Cassie stepping inside.

“We did it!” Gregory screams, relieved. He hugs Freddie (who doesn't seem to mind) and Vanessa (who is more than a little surprised). Figuring Cassie probably needs a little more context for whatever horrors she's just experienced, Gregory begins to tell her what little he knows about It. But then… He hears another voice on the walkie talkie. A voice that sounds exactly like him. And a sinking feeling fills his very soul. It has something truly awful planned for Cassie. Gregory just knows it.

It's in this moment that Gregory truly learns what it means to be powerless. Never in his life has he been so totally unable to do anything to affect his circumstances. There's always an option. Running away, biting someone, simply using Google. Even when he himself was at the Pizzaplex, there was always something he could do to save himself. But this time… No matter what he does… No matter how many buttons he mashes trying to take charge of the elevator's controls… There is nothing he can do to stop the elevator's plummet into parts unknown as he listens to Cassie's screams.

[survey--s]

380.

What’s your favourite type of survey to take? Ones with new/interesting questions that require more than a one-word answer.  What was the last topic you read about? Solitary confinement and the impact on mental health. Have you ever made a diorama? Yeah, for school. Do you prefer Windows or Mac? Mac, for sure. What’s the best amusement park ride you’ve ever been on? Air, Nemesis or Oblivion at Alton Towers.

Where are you right now? Describe the room or place. I’m in the living room. It’s pretty long and narrow with windows at either end. Two of the walls are red and the others are grey, and the furniture is either grey or white with grey carpet. The blankets/cushions are red to go with the walls. There are fairy lights up all around the place and a wax melt burning. At the moment there’s a cat curled up next to me on the sofa too lol. Have you ever participated in a fundraising campaign? Yeah, a few times. Do you know how to knit? Nope. What did you have for lunch today? Tomato and basil microwave rice with cheese. Name some of your favourite sitcoms. Friends, The Big Bang Theory, Two and a Half Men, Parks and Recreation. Who is the 7th contact in your phone and how did you meet them? Cath - she owns the stables where I go riding. Would you know how to read a house blueprint? Yeah. What shirt do you wear the most? A black and white floral tunic top/dress from George. Do you keep notes on your phone? What sort of things do you write? Not really anymore. Have you ever used Duolingo to learn another language? Yeah, I’ve learned a bit of Spanish and Italian on there but I don’t really have the motivation or patience to do it long-term. What was the last video game you played? Simpsons TappedOut. Do you remember much from high school? Yeah, unfortunately. What’s your favourite fruit to snack on? Watermelon, grapes, pineapple. Has anyone ever come out to you? Yes, a guy named Sam in school. Have you ever been part of a bridal or groom’s party? I’ve just been the bride lol. I’ve never been interested in being part of anyone else’s wedding though, I’d hate to have all those people staring at me. Are there any rooms in your house that don’t have windows? Nope. What’s your go-to order from KFC? I can’t stand KFC. It’s so greasy and the chips are nasty. What was the last album you listened to in full? I honestly couldn’t tell you. Would you prefer cupcakes or a big cake for your birthday? A big cake. Cupcakes have too much icing. What emotion is strongest for you at the moment? Uhh, I have no idea really. Is lazy an emotion?  Do you have Disney+? Yeah, it’s free with my phone contract. Have you ever sent a package or letter to a foreign country? Sure, most of my family live overseas so that was normal to me when I was younger. We used to have to post everything out at the beginning of December so it’d arrive in Australia by Christmas. How many jobs do you have on your resume? Six, including my current business. Do you use pepper to season your food? No. When was the last time you had a headache? I had one this morning but it didn’t last very long at all.

[swarmkeepers]

dimension 20 seasons (that i have watched) ranked by food crimes

(ranked from least crime to most crime)

the unsleeping city: was tempted to give this one more crime because pete’s microwaved cheese crisp is just so terrible. however there are street food dumplings that regenerate hp, which is more than enough to cancel out the food crimes. also, the bagel of all things, kingston’s mom’s cooking, fancy food at parties, broadway intermission booze, and christmas dinners! (2/10 crimes, crimes exist but are balanced out by really good food. it’s new york, baby!)

fantasy high: corn cuties and slop monster are nasty as hell. the prom buffet is full of bananas which should be a crime, but jem peppercorn likes it so maybe it’s a wash? most of the bad kids probably are eating decent home cooked food, except for riz whose mom is mostly trying her best. bastion market takeout sounds pretty good actually. basrar’s exists! (5/10 crimes, weirdly the season where there is the least food? many crimes are committed bc the bad kids are bloodthirsty, but food is not at the forefront)

fantasy high sophomore year: the grapes sing and fail to make you not horny (could be good, could be bad, i’m calling it a wash). the cast is full of beans! but more importantly, VIRAL SHRIMP PARTY! some points deducted for kristen calling crab nachos “crotch-os” at first, but in general this season gets points for enthusiasm. (9/10 crimes, the food is good but very intense, and arguably covering tracker in lobster is a food crime. very up to interpretation, could be persuaded to swap this with the og fantasy high)

a crown of candy: okay look. the characters, who are food, commit war crimes. ultimate food crime. (11/10 crimes, lots of food, lots of crime)

pirates of leviathan: listen it’s only been two episodes but i can confidently say this wins this dubious list by a WIDE margin. eyeballs are compared to a soft boiled egg, a slime mold engages in double stuf oreos discourse, rot water gets wrung out of said slime mold and a third of the PCs drink it for semi-telepathic powers, said slime mold is also carbonated, PICKLES ARE COMBINED WITH MILK, GRAVY IN CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP? (239847238/10 crimes, they’re pirates and commit all kinds of crimes but specifically so many food crimes, oh god)

[sprinklesofktrash]

Brother Best friend | Juyeon The Boyz

Summary: Friends or not, one of them is willing to risk it all.

Warnings: Sex! Explicit! Dirty talks!

“Y/n, have you finished the homework that we had to do?” Your friend Byeol asks. You stop playing on your phone and made eye contact with her. You shook your head no.

Byeol rolls her eyes, “you know, you should stop playing Among Us and actually do the homework.” You groan, you lost the game. You place down your phone and just stare at the blank screen.

“It won’t due until after the break, I have time” You says. Before Byeol could say anything else, a brown bag was hanging in front of your face. You look at the hand and made your up to see it was your brother and his best friend Juyeon.

“You left without your food, mom asked me to give this to you” He place it on the table.

“Thanks, Young Hoon” You smile, opening the bag to see if your mom packed what you had asked for last night Gilgeori toast. Your brother nods and walk away. You made eye contact with Juyeon who give you a nod but you completely ignore.

“I’d do anything for Juyeon” Byeol mesmerized by his looks. You watch the both of them walk away while other school girls fan girl over them.

“Please not you too” You rolled your eyes.

“Y/n you have a hot brother and plus his best friend is like hot too, I don’t understand why Juyeon don’t turn you on” Byeol finish doing her school work. Maybe because I don’t like him.

“Mom, I’m home!” You took off your shoes and made your way to raid the fridge like always. While getting all the snacks together, you were confused at the quiet home. There’s a small green sticky note on the fridge you read:

‘Your dad and I will be in Daegu to visit your grandma, we’ll be back next week. Enjoy your winter break, we left the credit card in the drawer, use it wisely. Young Hoon, make sure your sister eat well. Y/N, be nice to your brother! Mom and dad love you!’

You didn’t realize your mouth was open. The front door opens to see your brother and Yujeon walking in. They were laughing at something. Your brother walk up to you, closing your mouth and took the sticky note from your hand.

“Ha, I guess I’m babysitting. Juyeon, wanna sleepover?” Your brother asks his best friend.

“Yeah sure” Juyeon spoke.

“I know damn well you’re not talking about babysitting me” you chuckle, eating the grapes. Yujeon grabs one and plop it in his mouth, you have him a death glare it didn’t scare him but he did give you a wink.

“Yeah that’s what I’m saying” Your brother laughs.

“I’m 20!” You groan. Your brother mock you and went to his room.

“See you around y/n” Juyeon messes up your hair. You slap his hand away and fix your hair back.

*Two days later*

Your brother had left to get some food for dinner, you finally got the house to yourself. Juyeon mention to go back to his house to grab clean clothes. You decide to clean your room and clean the kitchen since all of you left it a mess from last night. You might say, your brother and you aren’t the tidy type.

After hours of deep cleaning you decide to go shower. You grab your waterproof speak and hung it in the shower. You didn’t bother locking up the door, since no one was home. You turn on the water, making sure it was warm enough to go in. You strip out of the dirty clothes and place it into the dirty hamper. Once the temperate was warm, you jump right in.

“Touch me, tease me, fill me up” you sang the words to Love Talk by WayV. Finishing up, you wipe down all the water from your body. You apply some lotion and do your beauty routine.

Meanwhile, Juyeon came into the house. Placing his clean clothes down and needing to use the bathroom.

“Maybe he’s in the bathroom” Juyeon might’ve thought. Either way, he needs to pee really badly so he rush to the bathroom.

“Yo Young Hoon, I need to use-“ Without a second thought, Juyeon opens the bathroom door, hitting y/n while opening it. Yujeon, looks on the bathroom floor where you fell down, naked. The both of them gasp, you quickly grabs your towel and cover yourself. Yujeon quickly closes the door from the embarrassment.

“YUJEON! NEXT TIME KNOCK!” You screamed. Juyeon quickly apologized.

“I’m sorry I thought you were Young Hoon!” Juyeon quickly said. He had his eyes close while you tried covering yourself up.

“GET OUT!” You yell at him. Juyeon apologized again and ran towards Young Hoon’s room and closes the door after him. Juyeon’s heart was beating so fast, he might passed out.

You tighten the towel around your chest and splash your face with cold water. You don’t know if it was the humidity in the bathroom that’s making you feel hot or the embarrassment of you brother’s best friend seeing your kitty and bitty for the first time.

Slowly opening the bathroom door, you check both sides to see if Juyeon was gone. Once you notice the coast was clear you ran to your room and lock the door.

You check the time it was only 1 am, you’ve been having a hard time sleeping. You made your way downstairs to the kitchen. You open the fridge to take out milk. While you were here you might as well eat the cookies that was in the pantry. You sat down on the counter and eat quietly.

“You can’t sleep either?” Juyeon whisper as he walk towards the fridge. You rolled your eyes at him, you were still mad about earlier.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to” he sincerely said. You look closely at him, he was a few feet away but you never look at him this closely.

“It’s fine, I’ll forgive you but Young Hoon can never know” You sternly told him. He zips his lips and toss away the imaginary key.

“You have my words” he says. You watch him grab the milk carton and pour some milk into a glass.

“You drink milk when you can sleep?” You asks him. You watch his well defined arms put back the milk carton and walk how his back is well toned.

“Yeah but I prefer mine warm” He place it into the microwave.

You gag, “I’m sorry that’s just nasty.” You cover your mouth. Juyeon got offended.

“Sorry but warm milk tastes a tad bit better” He defend. It made you laugh a bit.

“Milk is meant to be drink cold” You finish your cold milk and jump off the counter and place your glass in the sink.

“I assume you’ll wash your glass,” You tried to walk past Juyeon but his tall height is blocking you. You didn’t realize he was THIS tall. You only see him from afar or whenever your sitting down. Yujeon move aside to let you pass.

“Wash mine too” you turn your head to let him know and continue to walk to your room. Juyeon laughs.

When you got to your room, you turn on your tv and catch up on your Anime. Currently you’re watching Demon Slayer, it was your first time and you absolutely in love with it.

Walking back to Young Hoon’s room, before Juyeon could go in he heard laughter coming from your room. Part of him want to stay in the dark in Young Hoon’s room and part of him want to enjoy your company. He finds his way to your room. He knocks on the door and opens it slowly.

“Can I join?” Juyeon asks, you thought about it but you let him in either way. He closes the door and made his way to sit on your bed.

The both of you watch the anime together, laughing at the parts that were funny. It’s a good thing that Young Hoon is a deep sleeper or else he would’ve yell at the both of you.

Your back starting to hurt so you decide to lay down. To Juyeon suprise, He watches you lay your head down on his lap. “Your thighs look comfy, if you feel uncomfortable just let me know” you told Juyeon. You felt his tension the moment you lay your head on him.

“It’s okay” Juyeon gulped. Juyeon couldn’t pay attention to the show he kept glancing at your body, he didn’t realized that you have an amazing body. Underneath the school uniform, lie a perfect body.

Juyeon eyes laid on your toned legs and made its way up to your shorts. Juyeon started getting sweaty and feels weird of thinking this way. ‘She is your best friend’s little sister! How dare you!’ Juyeon yells in his head. He felt his member getting hard and he felt more embarrassed since your head was on him.

“Uh-“ Juyeon softly move your head and got up. He didn’t face you because he was embarrassed.

“Are you okay?” You asked him. Juyeon didn’t answer. You got up and stand behind his tall frame. You touch his tone back, “hey” you call him softly.

“Yeah, I’m just- I’m just hot right now” Yujeon gulped, still facing the wall.

You smirk, “Juyeon, you’ve seen me naked before...” you rub his back, waiting for him to turn around.

“I’m sure you want to see me naked again” You made him turn around. You look down to see his growing bulge. You smirk and close the gap between the two of you.

“Am I right?” You whisper in his ear. Juyeon nodded.

“What are you going to do about it?” You look up at Juyeon, waiting for him to make his move. Juyeon grabs your waist and wrap his hand around your neck and lay you down on your bed. He’s on top straddling you.

“I’m going to fuck that little pussy of yours” He whispers in your ear. You smirk and slams your lips into his. You can’t believe you’re about to fuck your brother’s best friend.

While your lips dances with his, you use your hands to help strip him out of his clothes as he did the same with you. He kisses your neck and your chest, sucking on your nipples. When he was about to go down on you, you stop him.

“Fuck that, I wanna feel your dick inside of me” You whispered. Juyeon smirk, he grabs the tv remote and turn up the volume. He locks the bedroom door and went back to you. He jerks his dick while getting on position. You play with your pussy while watching him jerk his dick.

“Hmm, I’ve never thought you’d be the freaky type” Juyeon said.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me” You bite your lips. Juyeon smirk and flip you over. Took you by surprise, he spreads your legs apart, getting into doggy position.

“My fav” you smirk. Juyeon spit on your pussy, rubbing it all over your pussy. You moan, Juyeon grabs you by the neck and pull you against him. He made you look at him, “if we do this, you can’t be loud” He says.

“I won’t” You assure him. With that, he insert his length into you. You fall down on your bed, covering your mouth with a pillow as he thrust every inch into you.

“You know how to get low princess” He slaps your ass, causing you to moan. Luckily, when he slaps your ass the sound from the show was loud enough to cover it.

“Fuck, your dick is so fucking big, filling me in so good” You told him, gripping the bedsheet tightly from all the pleasure he’s giving you.

Juyeon leans down to your ear, making him go in deeper. He closes your mouth because he knows you’re going to moan loudly.

“You fucking like this dick huh?” Juyeon whisper, you close your eyes and nod. You kiss Juyeon so you won’t moan any louder. While you got Juyeon into the kiss, you flip the both of you over. You got on top of him, slip his dick right back in and begin to ride him.

“Holy fuck!” Juyeon moan, closing his eyes as he felt every inside of you. He grabs your hip and begin to aggressively push you lower and make you move back and forth.

“Fucckk!” You tilt your head back in euphoria. You use his thigh to prevent you from falling backwards as you ride him deeper and slower. Juyeon moans which made you turn own. You lean down to his ear and whisper “shush, if my brother caught us. We’re fucked” You smirk. Juyeon didn’t pay attention, he’s enjoying the moment. You begin to twerk on his dick, teasing him every now and then.

“Fuck, I’m going to cum” Juyeon grabs your hip one more time and did the same thing as he did before.

“Cum inside this pussy” you moan as he move your hip faster and faster until he hit the g-spot which made you lose it. The both of you came together, you lay your sweaty body against his sweaty body.

The both of you lay there, exhausted. All you could hear the anime playing and the sound of the both of you breathing. You grab your shirt that was laying on the edge of the bed and wipe the cum on Juyeon’s dick.

“I’ll do it” he insist, you just hush him with your finger and clean yourself. You lay down right next to him, slowly getting tired.

“I missed Demon Slayer because of you” You told him. Juyeon laughs as he grab the blanket and cover your naked body so you won’t get cold.

“You can always go back” Juyeon remove the few hair strains back. He turns off the tv and lay right next to you. The both of you soon slowly drift away in a deep sleep.

Few days had past, winter break was over. You are now back in reality in school. You haven’t told Byeol because she has a loud mouth, you tell her something she goes and tell somebody else. You can’t trust her with this information yet.

You left the study session to use the bathroom. Quietly exiting out, you made your way down the hall when someone grabs your hand and before you could make any noises you were pulled into a dark closet.

“I’ve missed you” The voice sound so familiar and the smell. It was Juyeon. You slaps his arm. He turns on the closet room light. You look up at him who was smiling.

“You’re pussy whipped aren’t you” you smirk. Juyeon rolls his eyes, “maybe” he grabs your chin to give you a kiss.

The next day the both of you had sex, Young Hoon luckily didn’t notice anything strange. Juyeon sneak back into your brother’s room before he woke up. You fell asleep after he left. After that night, you kept your distance with him, few glances here and there. He had to go back to his house two days before the break ended. That kind of broke off the tension between the two of you.

“My brother cannot know about us” You told him. Juyeon smile soon fade.

“Why?” He asks. You gave him a weird look.

“You’re his best friend and I’m his sister. He would beat your ass to find out we fucked” You explains.

“What if I want to make this work?” You grabs your hand and entwined your fingers with his. You look at him who look so sincere by what he says. Then your brother came into your mind. You remove your hand from his, “no.” You open the closet door and walk back to your class. There was a feeling inside of you that made you feel bad for leaving Juyeon in the closet like that.

“Where are you going?” your brother stops you. You look at him and Juyeon who was playing COD before your brother interrupt the game by pausing it.

“Out?” You told your brother.

“Wearing that?” Your brother looks down. You were wearing a lose plaid skirt with a crop top sweater, knee high socks and your boots.

“I look good don’t I?” You smirk, flattening your outfit.

“Hmm...you got your pepper spray?” Your brother asks. You grab the pepperspray from your bag and showed it to him. He give you a thumbs up and you went to go to the karaoke with Byeol and some friends.

“Dude, you let her go out like that?” Juyeon slaps his best friend’s head.

“She said she looks good, you got always hype the girl” Young Hoon shrug and unpaused the game. Juyeon had many different scenerios playing in his head he wasn’t too focused on the game. 

“Where’s my brother?!” You drunkily asks Juyeon as he help you take off your shoes. You came back from the karaoke drunk.

“He left to work” Juyeon answers. He picks you up, carry you like a bridal up the stairs to your room. He lay you on your bed, help you take off your bra so you would feel more comfortable.

“Who are you?!” You drunkily asks, feeling Juyeon face.

“Juyeon, y/n” he sigh. He didn’t expect you to come home drunk like this.

“Juyeon! Hehe, the way you fucked me was so good. Not even my ex fuck me that good. Changmin too soft, I like my man rough and sexy...just like you” You grab Juyeon’s face and kiss the corner of his lips. Juyeon shake his head and wrap the blanket over your body.

“Go to sleep, it’ll be bad if your brother sees you like this” Juyeon pat your blanket.

“Juyeon, I gotta tell you a secret...don’t tell Juyeon” You sit up so you could tell him the secret, “I really like Juyeon but the thing keeping us apart is my brother. I don’t want him to lose a best friend. Juyeon is literally like a brother to my brother. He’s like that annoying dog who follows their owners around. Juyeon has a pretty face. Not to mention those lips of his, I wanna kiss it all the time. His eyes look so mean but he’s a big softie. I’d never thought I would fall in love with him not because of the sex or even his pretty face, I fell in love because, because...” you start dozing off.

Juyeon wanted to hear what you had to say but then he heard you started snoring he laughs. Juyeon can’t believe what he’s hearing from you, your honest thoughts about him. It made him smile. He kisses your forehead and turn off the light so you could sleep.

It’s been a month since the whole sleeping with each other had happened. Although you both promise no more, things just happen. From being strangers to hooking up behind your brother. You both tried not to make the hook ups with feels attached but you both cannot resist the feelings deep inside of you.

So you decided to give Juyeon a chance at dating. Of course you both kept it lowkey and haven’t told anyone. When the time is right and when things gets serious you’ll be the one to tell your brother.

“Open your mouth” Juyeon hold the ice cream waiting for you to open your mouth. You felt your cheeks getting red but you listen anyways.

“Hey, what are you thinking?” Juyeon caress your cheek.

You shook your head, “nothing I just can’t believe we’re doing this” you giggle. Juyeon entwined your fingers with his and rub it, reassuring you.

“We’re giving it a try, if it doesn’t work out, we can still be friends” Juyeon smiles, you felt like the tone in Juyeon’s voice was hurt but he didn’t want to show it.

“Come on, I want to show you something” You grab Juyeon’s hand and lead the way.

“Where are we going?” Juyeon whisper as you both enter and abandon building. You hush him. Once you get to the roof top, you let go of his hand as he wanders around. You turn on the neon lights and some other fairy lights. He gasp as he saw the place.

“This is amazing” he said in awe. You smile and push him softly by the edge of the rooftop.

“This is beautiful” you told him, his eyes catches Seoul’s night lights. You’ve always come here whenever you get tired of school and just wanted a lonely place to hang out. Your friends showed you this place but they haven’t come for a while so you made it your place.

“I come here to release some stress” you told Juyeon softly. The both of you watch the view of the city in silent.

“Seoul’s night is like New York City night. ‘The city that never sleeps’” you let out a smile and breathe the fresh winter air.

Juyeon leans down to kiss your lips, caught you by suprise at first but wrap your arm around his neck to deepen the kiss. The kiss was soft yet gentle. You never felt this way for a while. It felt great.

“Don’t get any dirty thoughts now” You playfully said. Juyeon laughs as he weak his arms around your waist.

“That’s for later though, let’s enjoy this view” he says. You both watch the dark, cold night in silent. With the both of you holding each other, keeping each other warm.

“I love this” You close your eyes as Juyeon’s warm breath tickle your neck.

“I’m going to tell Young Hoon about us” Juyeon broke the silence. You quickly turn around, Juyeon gave you a sad look.

“W-why?” You stutter. Panic started rushing in but Juyeon grab your hands and reassure you.

“Because I love you and I’m tired about being in the dark with my best friend. He’s starting to get suspicious and I can’t come up with excuses anymore” You look at him in awe.

“You love me?” You asks him. Juyeon nod.

“I am so fucking in love with you y/n and I cannot get you out of my mind” Juyeon says. Tears fell down your cheeks as you ran up to give him a kiss.

“I want to be the one to tell him, okay? You get choked up easily” You told him.

“I do?” He asks, you let out a soft laugh and nodded.

“You do” The both of you laugh in silent. The night just got better.

“Are you ready?” Juyeon asks. You can’t stop fiddling with the hem of your shirt. Juyeon hold your hands to assure you that everything will be okay.

“I could be the one to tell him” Juyeon asks but you completely shook your head no. You take a deep breath and let it out. You watch your brother come to where you guys were sitting, you let go of Juyeon’s hand and wave at your brother.

“Young Hoon!” You smile as your brother save back and sat in front of you.

“What’s going on?” Young Hoon asks with a serious face. He took a sip of your drink, which he spit it back out because it was too bitter for him.

“I WANT A DOG” You blurred it out. Your brother chuckles and fix the way he sits.

“You made me come here to just tell me you want a dog?” Your brother asks. You sigh and shook your head no.

“Juyeon and I have to tell you something?” You say. Your brother looks at you and Juyeon, you both were intimidated by his presence.

“We’re dating and even if you don’t approve we won’t stop seeing each other” you blurred it out. You were too nervous to do this but all you hear is a laugh from your brother.

“It took you guys a month to come clean?” He laughs and took another sip of your drink but made a funny face.

“What?” You and Juyeon asks.

“I kind of know you both were seeing each other and not to mention you both having sex when I was sleeping during winter break” Your brother exposed you. Both of your cheeks got red and you glance over at Juyeon who was also red.

“Y/n just know by turning up the volume of your tv that doesn’t mean I couldn’t hear you. I was up even before the two of you went to do the dirty things. I heard your conversations in the kitchen” Your brother explains. You his Juyeon’s shoulder and told him turning up the volume won’t work.

“All I’m going to say is, I’m okay with the two of you dating. Juyeon your my best friend and I trust you with my little sister’s life. It’s better for her to date you rather than her dating a low life” Your brother shade your ex. You kick him in the shin but you went up to him and hug him.

“Thank you Young Hoon, I love you!” You kiss your brother’s cheek. He pushes you away and wipe all the kisses away. He took another sip of your drink but also get the same impression.

“Seriously what is this?” He looks at the mysterious drink.

“If you hate why drink it?” Juyeon asks, you agree with him.

“I’m fascinated” He says and drink more. You all laugh. The tension in the air felt so much better. This is what you wanted.

[no6secretsanta]

Apples and Elbow Room

For the incredible @iwatch-theworld I was so excited to get to write for you and it’s been a blast. I hope you enjoy this!!!!!!

- @secretagentfan

       It wasn’t as though Shion had a problem with apples. Four apples typically rested in a bowl on top of his—no—their microwave and were restocked regularly. Apples were versatile: apple pie, apple sauce, apple strudel, apples with peanut butter; travel-sized—he could eat them on his way to work and they fit easily into his bike basket! They were perfect for a snack after a meeting, no preparation, all he had to do was unwrap and chew. Wow, actually, Shion loved apples.

       Crunch.

       The problem was: Nezumi loved apples too.

       Two months. It had been two months since Shion had convinced the most attractive person he had ever met to move in with him. Nezumi, who arrived with storms, and brought only what he could carry on his back. Nezumi, who filled the uncharted, unlovable, corners of Shion’s soul with sun-dappled forests. Nezumi, who, after years of survival, travel, and soul-searching apparently never learned how to quietly consume a piece of fruit.

       Crunch.

       Shion was not going to be able to continue his usual mid-afternoon nap like this. He stood up, accidentally kicking a new translation of the Miser off the bed. He shut his eyes. Even though Nezumi only brought what he could carry, that had not stopped him from buying what amounted to a whole bookstore—and no bookshelves— for Shion’s apartment.

       Crunch.

        “Nezumi, we should kiss now.”

       The offer echoed in the bedroom, louder than it had any right to. Nezumi had only just slid under their covers, shining new copy of The Misanthrope in one hand, apple in the other. He froze mid-bite: mouth hovering a couple inches from the fruit he was only (oh god) halfway through.

        “Did I seduce you somehow?” His voice was airy. Shion would call it sexy, but he hadn’t put the apple down yet and the crunching was still at the forefront of his mind.

        “No,” Shion admitted.

        “Do I even want to know your reasoning, then?”

        “Probably not.”

       Nezumi’s eyebrows tilted inward and raised, just so, as he set his book down. He looked at Shion as if he were a dancing street monkey and pulled a tissue from the box on their bedside table with the air of a lounging emperor plucking a grape out of a servant’s hand.

       He set the apple down on the tissue, tilted his head to one side then to the other, cracking his neck, and waited. Shion slumped further into the pillows in a way he hoped was alluring. The corners of Nezumi’s mouth quirked upward.

        “How does the mysterious Shion want to kiss, then?”

       Shion blinked. He didn’t do much thinking when it came to kissing. It usually just…happened. Unreliably. At unexpected, beautiful moments. Like what now could be.

        “How?” he repeated.

        “Yes, Shion. How. You issued an invitation less than a minute ago, if you remember correctly.”

       The mattress squeaked as Nezumi lazily crawled over Shion, flopping on top of him with an ease that warmed Shion to the tips of his ears. He was heavy. Shion ran his fingers through Nezumi’s hair, cut during his travels, and placed his hands on his shoulders. He stopped. Raised both eyebrows. Took his hands off Nezumi’s shoulders.

        “Do you need guidance?” Nezumi asked, voice low enough to make Shion’s toes curl. Or rather, it would have, if Shion wasn’t now distracted. Nezumi cleared his throat. “Shion?”

        “Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about your shoulders.”

        “I­– my shoulders?”

        “They’re broad now. You’ve really filled out.”

       Shion wrapped his arms around Nezumi, hands resting open-palmed on his back, feeling the space between each shoulder blade.

        “Shion do you want to make out or not?”

        “You never accepted my original invitation,” Shion pointed out, unable to resist the impulse to be difficult. Nezumi’s breath huffed against his nose. Shion grinned. “Luckily, my offer remains the same, Nezumi.”

       Arms snaked under Shion’s waist. Nezumi’s nose tickled Shion’s hair, a little colder than the rest of him, which made Shion smile. His lips brushed Shion’s forehead, then over his right temple, just barely; any remaining annoyance Shion still felt dripped away. Two months. Had it really only been two months?

       Two years had nothing on the way Nezumi’s breath felt against Shion’s lips as he leaned closer.

        “Very well then, Shion,” Nezumi began, the hint of a laugh in his voice. “Past distractions aside: allow me to formally accept your invitation.”

        “Good,” Shion replied, and pulled Nezumi down the centimeter required to mack his face off. His hands rubbed up and down Nezumi’s back, carefully brushing the raised skin of his scar and catching in his night shirt. In his mind, he heard a storm, and felt a familiar tug at his heartstrings: the age-old desire to protect the warm, solid body in his arms.

       The thing was, Shion was exceptionally skilled at loving Nezumi from far away. Working, shopping, and living and breathing—his love of Nezumi during their separation was a precious foothold in a chaotic world, unshakable— carried in his core as easily as his ribs, his heart. His love was a compass, guiding him from a world away.

       Now, Nezumi was not a world away, he was here. In Shion’s space, sleeping on his—their couch, or buried in a pile of books. Or maybe he was out, on a walk or at an audition, but he’d leave behind the signs of him, a rock he found at the park, a dog-eared script, a bag of chips he was hoarding for later. Nezumi was not a compass. He was…a bit of a mess to clean up after actually. Not a pillar, but a human. How had Shion forgotten? Nezumi was infuriating.

        “Nezumi and I are incredibly compatible,” Shion concluded.

       Evidently this was not the thing to say while Safu was refilling her coffee as she spilled it all over the table when she burst out laughing. “Safu!“

        “Sorry, I’m sorry!” Safu mopped up the spilled coffee with a handful of napkins, covering her mouth with her other hand in a polite attempt to get the unfriendly café staff to stop shooting them nasty looks for being loud and destructive.

       They had gotten coffee here every Thursday for four years, and never once had the staff greeted them with a smile or any degree of familiarity. Most people hated this place for its unfriendly atmosphere. For Safu and Shion, who more often than not were caught up in interviews or Reconstruction meetings, not having to talk to one more person with a fake smile was ideal. The hours they had spent in this miserable little coffee shop were some of the most precious in Shion’s adult life.

        “I was being serious, Safu! I feel very strongly about this! We are­–”

        “Please, Shion, please stop talking,” Safu wheezed. Shion felt his face heat and he obediently sipped his coffee. Safu shook her head, wiping a tear from her eye.

        “Please tell me– how did we go from Nezumi’s concerning apple habit to this?”

       Shion wanted to hide his face in the table. “I felt as though I should say something else. Something that wasn’t a complaint about him.”

        “Shion, do you want me to speak honestly?”

       No, Shion thought pathetically, his stomach sinking. I want you to say what I want to hear, sometimes.

       Safu smiled at him, and he relaxed slightly. As harsh and direct as Safu could be, especially in all matters concerning Nezumi (and Nezumi’s four-year absence), she was honest. Straightforward, and sincere as she always was.

       Whatever she had to say, Shion knew he probably needed to hear it. He nodded.

        “You two are perhaps the least compatible people I have ever met.”

       Shion winced. Safu held up a finger. “But that’s not news. Compatibility by definition is just a couple’s capacity to avoid conflict. You two have been in direct conflict since you were born, and yet somehow, you’ve managed to do some incredible things together. Of course, Nezumi hasn’t been around for everything, which you know my feelings about.”

       Shion did. At length. He nodded.

        “You’re not compatible. Not remotely, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be together, or that you’re never going to stay together. After all, you already have lived together once, haven’t you?”

        “That’s true,” Shion said. “And it wasn’t as though we always got along then, either.”

       Shion remembered more than once having to take a walk in the cold with one of Inukashi’s guard dogs because Nezumi was driving him out of his mind. How Nezumi would sometimes get so angry or anxious that he would either disappear somewhere or sit in the corner and read aggressively for hours.

        “But it still worked out. You two understood each other where it mattered, eventually. So communicate with him. And communicate with him like an adult.”

        “Like an adult,” Shion repeated, then frowned. Communication seemed so simple when it was purely hypothetical. In practice however… Shion had lost track of how many committee deals both he and Safu had botched because of her temper or his bluntness. Amateur mistakes. He couldn’t risk those with Nezumi, not now when their relationship wasn’t exactly new—but filled with unknowns.

        “Thank you, Safu.”

       Safu just waved her hand. She took a moment to rub the crease between her eyebrows. Shion watched as her fingers massaged up and down and shifted her bangs to the side. For a moment, Shion could see the faint outline of the scar from No. 6’s machines that crossed through the center of her forehead. All thoughts of apples and incompatibility left his head.

        “Do you have a headache?”

        “Yes,” Safu replied. “You. But that is nothing new.”

       Safu dropped her hand from her forehead to punch him gently on the shoulder. Shion felt himself smile, infinitely grateful.

        “It’s my turn to pay for coffee this week, isn’t it?” He offered, changing the subject.

        “Yes, it is. That said, I was the one who spilled it, so I’ve got this one. Pour me another though– I need it after the day I’ve had.”

        “Tell me about it.”

       By the time they left the café, their coffee had been cold for hours.

       Years of conditioning, self-defense mechanisms, and plain old dramatic flair were at play the second Nezumi entered the public eye. Shion was used to watching him transform from the private, petty boy he fell in love with to the dangerously sleek man that everyone naturally cleared a way for. Shion like to think he loved both sides of Nezumi equally, but the day Nezumi saw the New City’s grocery for the first time, it was the bright, amazed eyes of the boy in him, not the man, that made Shion’s heart soar.

       Thanks to the committee’s efforts in irrigation projects for West block, a mountain of carefully-signed paperwork, and years of health testing for biotechnology– fresh produce was not only affordable to citizens but generously distributed outside the city limits.

       Shion was fairly certain Nezumi had never seen that much fresh food before in his life, and it showed.

       Even now, Nezumi would tag along on grocery store trips just to extend Shion’s trip by hours, ogling heads of lettuce and buying far too much. Nezumi’s budgeting system at age 16 was an 90-10 split between food and emergencies: and judging by his usual grocery cart, his budgeting had only evolved as much to include books and nothing else.

       Their time together had formed a sort of pattern when grocery shopping: Nezumi pulling what felt like one of everything off the shelves, and Shion surreptitiously returning what they didn’t need when his back was turned.

       My very own Penelope, undoing all my work.

       Penelope undid her own work, Nezumi.

       Fair enough.

       It was good, and it worked for them, and the life in Nezumi’s eyes made occasionally buying 3 different versions of the same milk “Just to see if there’s a difference” absolutely worth it.

       Today though, unfortunately, Nezumi was stuck in produce. Particularly the apples.

        “Nezumi!” Shion attempted, “Look, cherries are in season!”

       Nezumi smiled, secret, and added a box to their cart. “Thinking of making a cake?”

        “Of course. And…” Shion tried to keep his voice level as possible. “They make great snacks. If you grab another box, you’ll be able to eat them all day.”

        “Pass.”

       Nezumi’s voice was firm enough that Shion blinked a few times.

        “Did…something happen with cherries in your travels?”

        “No.” Nezumi stared at the box for a long moment, and then added, voice darkening. “They have pits. What kind of tiny fruit has a huge pit right in the middle?”

       Shion spoke carefully. “Nezumi, have you tried to eat a cherry whole before?”

       Nezumi scowled.

        “I can’t believe it.”

        “Don’t start. I’m not getting cherries for anything besides cake, asshole.”

       He then moved to the apples. Shion’s laughter stopped. He had to think fast.

        “What about oranges? Those don’t even have a center like apples—”

        “You are really on it about apples, Shion. Embarrassed by your impulses?” Nezumi’s grin was just this side of smug. Shion’s heart stuttered like a broken propeller.

        “What—I.”

        “You think I haven’t noticed the fact that every time I eat an apple you suddenly feel romance in the air?”

       Communicate like an adult, Safu’s voice echoed in his brain.

       Right, Shion agreed. He felt the words “you are a really loud apple cruncher”on his tongue, ready to go. But Nezumi was looking at him seriously, bag full of apples in his hand, with his new broad shoulders and short hair, and for a brief moment, Shion felt like he was looking at a different person.

        “You got me,” Shion blurted.

        “What?” replied Nezumi. “Wait seriously? You’re…into apples?”

       Shion felt his soul chip off. Safu was never going to let him hear the end of this. “Just a little.”

       Nezumi was silent for a long moment.

        “Just when I think you can’t get any weirder…you pull this.”

       Still staring at Shion, he added two more bags of apples to the cart. Shion’s face matched the reddest of them.

       There were apples everywhere. On the sofa, the kitchen counter, by the bedside and even on Shion’s pillow. Since Nezumi was between shows, he had hours to prepare the apartment, which translated to filling it with as many apples as physically possible. Shion had some regrets. That said, in spite of the concerning number of apples and knowing looks, Nezumi hadn’t actually brought up Shion’s statement. He had been bizarrely quiet. Saturday morning changed that.

       Crunch.

       Nezumi was half-laying on the couch, head on the arm, with his feet in Shion’s lap. Shion was valiantly trying to ignore him by reading the newspaper, but every crunch forced him to start over the line he was currently reading. A true Sisyphean task.

        “So is it the taste or the texture?” Nezumi asked between bites.

        “The taste or texture of what?” Shion asked, without looking up.

        “Apples. Seriously, what is it about them that gets to you? I’ve been running possibilities through my head for the last couple days and it just doesn’t line up. I have to know.”

       The newspaper crinkled in Shion’s hands, he shut his eyes. Of course Nezumi was not going to let this quietly die.

        “Do we have to talk about this?”

        “Oh yes,” Nezumi said. “It’s Saturday. I held back and waited for you to finish your important agricultural meetings, so now you’re going to sit right there, Shion, and explain your apple kink to me.”

       Shion could feel his face heating, but shock actually forced his blush down.

        “You waited for my meetings to finish?”

       Nezumi raised his eyebrows. “Was that an error?” He didn’t wait for Shion to reply and rubbed the apple he was eating against Shion’s arm as obnoxiously as possible. The apple skin was smooth and impossible to ignore. Shion’s heart beat in his ears. Nezumi’s voice sounded far away.

        “Seriously, Shion, how is this sexy?”

        “Do you think I’m the same person I was four years ago?” Shion asked.

       Nezumi blinked. His apple was still firmly pressed against Shion’s bicep. “What?”

       Shion stared at his newspaper. “Four years felt like a short amount of time when I was living it, there was so much to do, but I don’t know lately.”

Nezumi breathed in, seeming to recalibrate, and slowly set his apple on the nightstand. He was frowning.  Nezumi’s hand covered his, and together, they closed the newspaper.

        “Are you going to tell me what this is about?”

        “I don’t know,” Shion said, honestly. “I don’t really know what this is about. We’re not sixteen anymore, and I don’t know if that changes nothing, or it means everything.”

       The apples, Nezumi’s appearance, his hobbies, his unexpected patience, Safu. Compatibility. Time had passed and left them both behind and now, now they were living together and everything was the same as before but completely, completely different. Shion didn’t know how to reconcile it.

        “I dreamed so often of having you back, of living together like this, but the reality of it– the day-to-day–“

        “–is pretty fucking weird,” Nezumi finished. Shion blinked at the conviction in his voice. He finally faced him and found Nezumi oddly relaxed. The tightness around his eyes had disappeared and something tight unraveled in Shion’s chest. Shion wondered, for a moment, if he was holding back just as much.

        “You think it’s weird too? But we lived together before, so…”

       Nezumi huffed.

        “Yeah, so we’d have to be ready, right? I thought the same thing. I figured I was relatively prepared, and especially after taking a four-year sabbatical in order to prepare for this– I damn well had to be ready. I really thought I was, but I wasn’t prepared for…Well I wasn’t prepared for annoying each other over stupider shit than starving or freezing. Like pissing you off by eating apples of all things.”

       Shion gaped. “You knew?”

        “Shion, and you’ve grown a bit more tactful over the last four years, but your face still gives you away completely. I thought you were going to stab me the first time I ate a honey crisp.”

        “But you’ve still been–!” Shion stood, waved his arm around their apple filled apartment.

        “Oh, yeah. I was messing with you.”

       Shion saw red in so many different directions, but it may have just been the apples.

        “Honestly, I just was trying to figure out what it would take to get you to tell me, instead of trying to be—whatever you’ve been trying to be lately.”

        “Polite,” Shion supplied, and Nezumi laughed again. Shion made eye contact with an apple on the coffee table and felt profoundly ridiculous.

        “You’re in my space,” he said, finally.

        “Yeah,” Nezumi agreed. “And you’re in mine. You wash dishes really loudly by the way.”

       Shion stared at Nezumi for a long moment.

        “We’ve climbed a mountain of dead bodies together and we’re struggling with sharing an apartment?”

        “This may be the hardest thing we’ve ever done,” Nezumi said, with such seriousness, Shion finally cracked. He laughed, a full laugh, more genuine than he’d felt in months, and rested his cheek on Nezumi’s shoulder.

        “Harder than dealing with Elyurias?”

        “Completely.”

        “Think we’ll survive it?”

       Nezumi smiled into Shion’s hair. Shion slowly smiled back, leaning closer.

       This conversation was far from over, four years still stretched between them in an unexpectedly gaping chasm, and the house was full of apples­– but for the first time, Shion felt like he was ready to deal with it, them, and everything.

        “We always have.”

[tifu-today-i-fucked-up]

TIFU by putting a glass of water and dish soap in the microwave.

So let be paint the scene. I'm a curious 17M. I found out you can create plasma by microwaving grapes. Well obviously i wanted to try that. But I didn't have grapes, next best thing: Pickled onions. Long story short, didn't work and it made the microwave smell like pickled onions.

So how do you get rid of the smell? well normally the advice is microwave lemon juice and water and it'll get rid of nasty microwave smells. But we don't have lemon juice in the house what's the next best thing, dish soap of course! Well i was wrong. I microwaved it once for thirty and couldn't smell the devil's onion. 'I better microwave it for another 30 seconds' I thought to myself- I said to myself non nonchalantly (or should i say non shallot-ly). Took the glass containing my warm concoction out of the microwave. I notice there are bubbles to the brim,'probably nothing, just bubbles'. Wrong!

Before I got a chance to admire the bubbles,POOOOF! It exploded. Hot soapy water everywhere, most importantly on the right side of my face. At first it only felt warm but I began to realise that the water was actually pretty hot. And now i have a mild reds scar on the right of my face by my eye. This happened like an hour ago and my face is pretty red and sore, so advice appreciated (its only pink but it hurts like hell).

I should probably start investing in a shoto todoroki costume while already half there. (Anime reference for you boomers there)

TL;DR : I created a hot water and dish soap pressure bomb and burnt my face.

(source) story by (/u/C_Alcmaeonidae)

[zak-shit]

1 am, gotta rant

gahhh, so much has been on my mind.

In-particular today, to be blunt its my dads homophobia.

We've been having such a good relationship for the last few weeks, so the tiny events and comments of last night unfortunately set that back by a bit. It made me not have the energy to put in any effort anymore, or fake it.

Last night he was sorta in a mood, tipsy and being extra explanative of dinner, micromanaging how I use the microwave to keep it clean. The microwave I scrubbed clean for 20 minutes earlier that day, without a proper thank you. He sits on the couch to eat dinner in front of the TV (we've never ate at the table as a family, in my entire life) I'm in the kitchen making my plate. I'm silent like most nights, normally I just make the plate, walk to my room and give them a nice thank you. like truly I'll say thank you two sometimes three times. Sometimes I'll often sit at the table, still alone, but almost in the same room as them. As I'm in the kitchen last night he chooses to ask me from the couch "so who you votin for?" "charlie crist" I say. He mumbles something about him being governor before yadada. "how about you?" I asked back. "desantissss!" he says like he has won gold. A moment passes, I ask "what about you mom?" "i don't know, probably wont vote"

I take some breaths. My heart is already racing. I've put this election into the back of my mind. I cant have it consume me, it already terrifies the fuck out me. Like seriously I fear I will be forced to move states for my own safety. Forced to move away from Cecilia in order to have the kind of jobs I want to have. My mind rambles to if Desantis wins again, and how his chances of winning when he runs for president would then be higher as well. All terrifying thoughts for me.

I step slightly out of the kitchen and say " you guys know I want to be a teacher right?" ... "yeah" says mom. "and you realize with the Desantis agenda "protecting your kids" includes making it legal for LGBT people to be openly discriminated against and not eligible for that profession, he openly wants to do that"---- basically cut off with my dad with the " I don't have a problem with gays, but kids should not be taught to be gay" "i agree" says mom. *big sad face and eye-roll*

totally missing the point, fully being a fucking idiot to be honest.

"nobody wants to teach kids to be gay, it's not something to be taught, it's about safety to be who you are." I try and explain that if kids are in a loving household, and show signs of being gay, that will be allowed to be reported and those parents could be punished or forced into programs that are basically conversion therapy!

It's quick explanation though, I'm shaking, my stomach has turned, I loose my ability to fully think straight on the matter. I've shut down and I don't want to talk about it. I throw my buttered bread onto the wall of the kitchen. (they cant see) and... I stand there. Feeling defeated, unaccepted, unloved, feeling like I lack their protection. I clean the butter off the wall, pick up the toast from behind the cookie jar that my mom fought for so hard when her mom died that her and her brother don't even talk anymore. I cant eat. I've buttered this bread I was once excited for, and now I cant eat. I was starving in my bedroom a moment ago. I normally take a while to make my plate. Tonight I got right in there and began making it. Even making a bowl of their (in my opinion) nasty salad. It has grapes, and olives in it. Bleh.

"would you guys like a piece of toast" I ask kindly from the kitchen. They're still eating their salads. Warm garlic toast just in time to begin on the pasta. Maybe they'll jump on it and say "yeah!!" I think. The facade I have gotten so good at turning on sickens me.

"nah i'm good" mom says

No response from dad, which means he's not interested. ?

"are you sure? I've got two made here?" I walk into the living room to their tv trays, plate in hand with two pieces of bread. "I don't really want it right now, it's just gonna go bad"

"no, why don't you want it?" mom says. "I just don't anymore."

I bring the plate closer to my dad, he gestures his hands up in a manner of *fuck i guess* and says "sure" he takes a piece. "are you sure mom, I don't want to throw it away."

"No you eat it."

"It's ok, i'm not hungry anymore" I say calmly.

Then it truly begins. Dad gets loud with laughter at my ridiculousness, moms grunts, A "Seriously?" and some yadahayahas mumbled from dad, "and why is that??" I step a bit out of the kitchen and make eye contact, "It's not a big deal, I'm just not hungry now" He's heated for a moment, bitching about it. Dad says "let me get one thing clear none of the politics matter. our votes mean nothing" blah blah blahs., Mom agrees.

I tell them to drop it, I'm not talking about it, it doesn't matter. Although, it clearly does. I tell them "yep, all I can do is hope"

"That's right" mom says, ok contradicting queen.

"Hope it matters somewhere" I say.

It's over. I ended it, other than a few statements from mom frustratingly saying she's going to bed. A few seconds later they are also on a facade of attempting to act like tensions weren't just at a high a few moments ago. But I cant even walk back into my bedroom because I don't know what to do with myself. I clean the kitchen to kill time, I take some extra time and care into cleaning to procrastinate it even more. I realize I have laundry In the dryer I can take to my room and fold. Perfect. I can walk to my room and hold the basket to where they cant even see my face.

"the salad is really good zak, mom says" while I'm on my way to my room.

"thank you" I say.

Why did I said thank you? I have no idea. I didn't make the salad. I didn't eat the salad. My brain is just too fogged.

Now a few things I took from that as I cooled down by folding and putting away all of my laundry. He had an annoying day, and he choose to stir a pot. He knew what pot that question was going to stir, he knew it would upset me, and it wasn't an open conversation.

What has always gotten to me on the politics topic is with them, if they really believe none of our votes matter, than why is he so prominent on speaking voting for someone they know upsets me so much, and wonder and hope that if they opened their minds to whats truly on this mans agenda, he would feel its actually the opposite of a direction he really wants. But if they really believe it doesn't matter, then why do you want to talk about it at all, when you know it will just bring down your own child on what they are passionate on. I have nothing to take from it other than at the end of the situation it shows me, he isn't really in my circle. This is the contradiction to his often "no problem with gay people" statement. He still hates that I'm gay.

This forces things that happened in my childhood/ youth that were down right abusive/unloving to a young child's upbringing resurface. At times I want to bring these things up and discuss them, but a large part of me believes he would shrug it off and say "pshh that never happened" because thats just how it goes for those kinds of things. I wish so badly to be able to have that open calm conversation that could open his eyes. I fear I will never get that, and I'll always have this version of him. So unfortunately I believe thats defiantly how it would go if I were to remind him of the time he told me in the 7th grade "if I ever found out you're a gay, I'd punch you so hard in the face your jaw would break" He'd either tell me that didnt happen, or perhaps worse try and justify it.

Looking back, thats probably why I never came out and discussed it with my dad. It wasn't until years of being out, my sophomore year of high school. It came up when in a screaming match. Me yelling at him telling him he didn't know me at all. Which at times still is true. Yet for the benefit of making him feel better, I told him that wasn't true and took it back that night. A night of many where I was the one truly apologizing and not them. They only ever half assed apologize, the kind that are just more excuses to their behavior.

I can accept my father for who he is. I'm grateful everyday for him and love him with all of my heart. Even though I'm not going to get the version I dream of. I respect and care for our relationship enough that I don't stir pots or call out things that haunt me. I wish he could do the same.

[therealmaggiemedia]

The Maggie Simpson Show E1809 Maggie’s injury WARNING Contains scenes not suitable for all audiences

FADE IN

INT, SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CORRIDOR-DAY

Maggie is getting her stuff out of her locker so she can go to recess then Gerald walks up to her.

GERALD

Simpson!, How good are you at climbing?

MAGGIE

Not very good, why?

GERALD

Got a bet I want to have with you!

MAGGIE

Go on!

GERALD

I bet you three Krusty bars you can’t climb to the top of the jungle gym!

MAGGIE

Three make it four!

GERALD

Simpson!, you got a deal!

EXT, PLAYGROUND

GERALD

Go on Simpson!, all the way to the top!

LILLY

Maggie!, you might fall and hurt yourself!

MAGGIE

Lilly! I’ll be fine!

Maggie climbs the Climbing Frame eventually she reaches the top she stands on top of it so everyone can see.

MAGGIE

( IN SONG) yes I have reach the top lets hope its not a flop!

Maggie loses her Balance and falls all the way from the top and lands on the hard concrete playground.

LILLY

Oh my God, lets get help quick!

FADE TO SPRINGFIELD GENERAL HOSPITAL CHILDREN’S WARD

Maggie is in a bed in a coma Homer Marge Lisa and Bart are there

HOMER

(UPSET) Our little girl I just don’t know what I’ll do if she dies (SOBS)

LISA

Dad!, none of this is your fault!

Then Maggie wakes up she doesn’t know where she is.

MAGGIE

Where am I last thing I remember is falling off the jungle gym at school!

Then Dr Hibbert comes up to her.

HIBBERT

Its alright Maggie!, you’re in Hospital you had a very nasty fall yoiur injury is very serious she  has  snapped her pin in her leg that she got from another injury but we can replace it so you will have to stay in hospital for a few days!

MAGGIE

Okay Dr Hibbert!

HOMER

Well we’ll be going now!

LISA

Glad your alright little sister!

They all leave in the next bed is a little girl who she has never met before so Maggie introduces herself.

MAGGIE

Hi I’m Maggie!

GIRL

Hi!

MAGGIE

I fell off a jungle gym and have to have my pin replaced in my leg, you!

GIRL

I’m having my appendix out!

MAGGIE

I had mine out years ago, see I have a scar!

Maggie  pulls up her Gown so the girl can see her scar but unfortunately the girl can see More then she should or wants to!

GIRL

I can see your ahem thing!

MAGGIE

Woops sorry about that!

Maggie pulls down her gown and sits back on her bed.

GIRL

You may notice that we have a microwave at the side of our beds that’s because we have to make our own meals!

MAGGIE

I’m six years old I don’t know how to cook!

GIRL

its easy!

Then Doctor Hibbert comes back and walkas up to the them both

HIBBERT

Ah Maggie I see your getting to know Skye!

MAGGIE

She’s okay I guess she tells me we have to make our own food!

HIBBERT

Sure enough the hospitsal can no longer afford staff to cook for patents so we just put a microwave and some microwave meals in your side draw!

MAGGIE

But I don’t know how to work a microwave!

SKYE

I’ll show you!

Skye gets out of bed and walks over to Maggie’s bed and shows her how to work the microwave.

SKYE

You put in the meal like this then you set it for 4 minutes then after the timer runs ouit it will ding and then you open the door and have your meal. Here you go Maggie all day breakfast!

MAGGIE

Thank you Skye!

Maggie eats it and she loves it.

MAGGIE

Mmm, this is good!

SKYE

Yeah it is and now you know how to woirk a microwave one more thing no mettle  in the microwave!

MAGGIE

I’ll try and remember that!

Then Maggie has a visitor its her friend William from school

WILLIAM

How are you feeling Maggie!

MAGGIE

I’m ok William!

WILLIAM

I bought you  some  grapes its kind of traditional!

He gives Maggie a bag of grapes.

MAGGIE

Have you met Skye!, she’s someone I met on the ward and she is a really big help!

WILLIAM

Sup!

SKYE

Hi!

WILLIAM

I hope you get better soon Maggie and Gerald will pay!

William leaves the ward and leaves with his Dad.

Then a porter comes and takes Skye away.

SKYE

Looks like I’m going under the knife wish me luck Maggie!

Then Maggie needs the bathroom

MAGGIE

Uh oh!, need to pee!

She gets out of bed she limps all the way to the bathroom but she doesn’t make it on time she leaves a big puddle in the middle of the floor.

MAGGIE

Uh Oh!, Sorry everyone!

FADE TO LATER ON THE CHILDREN’S WARD

Skye has now returned she is still under the annosetic Maggie is looking after her.

MAGGIE

I’m sure she’ll wake up soon!

Then Skye wakes up.

MAGGIE

You alright Skye!

SKYE

I’m just feeling a bit tired so I’d like to have a sleep!

While Skye is a sleep Maggie limps over to her bed and has a look at herv chart.

MAGGIE

Lets see had appendix out well its checked! Only one way find out if its true!

Maggie lifts up Skye’s gown and sure enough a bandage is covering her operation!

MAGGIE

Its true then!

Maggie goes back to her own bed.

Then Doctor Hibbert comes to see Maggie

HIBBERT

Ah Maggie! You’re having your operation tomorrow I believe to replace your pin in your leg!

MAGGIE

Okay Doctor Hibbert!, so no food before bed only water is that right?

HIBBERT

Yes that’s right Maggie!

Maggie looks at Skye who is still asleep.

MAGGIE

Is she okay?

HIBBERT

I’ll go and check on her!

Doctor Hibbert walks over to Skye

HIBBERT

Skye!, its Doctor Hibbert!

She wakes up

SKYE

Yeah I’m okay I’m just tired that’s all!

HIBBERT

As long as your alright Skye!

He leaves them both in piece.

FADE TO LATER THAT NIGHT IN THE CHILDREN’S WARD

Maggie is having trouble sleeping so she goes to find a nurse she lips towards the nurse’s station and a nurse sees her.

NURSE

Maggie!, what are you doing out of bed?

MAGGIE

I couldn’t sleep!

NURSE

Lets get you back to bed!

The nurse walks Maggie back to her bed and gets her settled down.

NURSE

There you go sweetheart now settle down and go to sleep!

Maggie does what she is told.

FADE TO THE NEXT MORNING

Maggie is drinking her water and Skye is having her all day breakfast.

MAGGIE

can only have water!

SKYE

I know Maggie!, guess what I feel a lot better I’m a bit sore but I’ll be fine!

MAGGIE

Skye!, Since you helped me I want to know if you want to be friends!

SKYE

Sure okay!, I’m starting at Springfield Elementary soon anyway!

MAGGIE

I go there when you start I’ll show you around!

SKYE

Maggie!, I’d like that!

Maggie sees Skye’s name on her bed and she reads it.

MAGGIE

Skye McDonald!

SKYE

That’s me!, and yours says Maggie Simpson!

MAGGIE

Yeah that’s my name!

Then the porter takes Maggie down for her operation.

SKYE

Good Luck Maggie!. I hope she’ll be okay!

FADE TO LATER IN THE CHILDREN’S WARD

Maggie has been brought back onto the ward Skye is concerned about her.

SKYE

Will she be okay Doctor?

HIBBERT

Yes I think so she’ll be bit tired so best to let her sleep!

SKYE

Yes Doctor I remember from when I had my appendix out!

HIBBERT

You can keep an eye on her if you want!

SKYE

I’ll do that Doctor I care about her as we have just become friends!

HIBBERT

I’m sure Maggie will want a friend like you!

Skye smiles

FADE TO LATER ON THE CHILDREN’S WARD

Maggie is now awake and is having her Dinner.

MAGGIE

Skye! Once again thank you for cooking this for me!

SKYE

No problem we are best friends after all!

Maggie tries to stands up Skye helps her.

SKYE

Hold on to be I won’t let you fall!

Maggie holds on to Skye but she feels very wobbly.

MAGGIE

I can’t do this Skye!

SKYE

Yes you can say to yourself I am Maggie Simpson and I can do this!

MAGGIE

I am Maggie Simpson and I can do this!

Maggie lets go of Skye she takes steps very slowly She walks to the end of the ward then back to Skye

SKYE

Maggie I am so proud of you!

They both hug

MAGGIE

Thank you for helping me I would have never made it without you!

Then Doctor Hibbert comes up to them.

HIBBERT

Girls!, back in to bed please!

They do as he asks.

He sees Maggie is walking on her own.

HIBBERT

hmm, Maggie how come your walking on your own?

MAGGIE

Skye has been helping me and I am very grateful to her for doing that!

HIBBERT

Usually I don’t approve of this!

SKYE

Sorry Doctor Hibbert I just thought-

HIBBERT

Skye its fine thanks to you Maggie will be just fine!

The Doctor leaves

SKYE

Maggie you want to see my stitches?

MAGGIE

Sure!

Skye turns towards Maggie and she lifts up her gown so Maggie can see then she tears back her bandage.

MAGGIE

Nice stitching did they let you keep your appendix?

SKYE

Sure Did!

She puts her bandage back on pulls down her gown gets off her bed and gets a jar with her Appendix in.

MAGGIE

Cool!, I got stitches too!

She shows Skye her leg then she peals back her bandage

SKYE

Nice!

Then Lisa comes with Homer and gives Maggie a bunch of flowers.

MAGGIE

Thanks Lisa!, Mmm these smell nice!

HOMER

Maggie!, I’m glad your alright!

MAGGIE

Oh where are my manners, Skye This is my Dad and my sister!

SKYE

Hi!

HOMER

Hey how you doing?

LISA

Hi Skye, I’m Lisa!

SKYE

I’ve been helping Maggie get back on her feet!

LISA

Great your a big help to her!

Skye Smiles

HOMER

Maggie the Doctor says your well enough to go home!

MAGGIE

Okay just let me put on some clothes!

Maggie closes her curtain then she opens it again wearing her normal clothes.

She walks over to Skye

MAGGIE

Skye! I’m going to really miss you!

They both hug and Maggie cries

SKYE

No need to cry I’m going home tomorrow so we might see each other at school as I will be attending yours I believe!

MAGGIE

I’ll look forward to seeing you there!

Maggie leaves with Homer and Lisa

THE END

FADE TO CREDITS

[healthycomesoon]

hello fresh #1

a friend from work (though, an aside, what is with this phrase? she can be a friend or not a friend, the work part doesn’t MATTER???)-- a friend sent me a code for $40 off a box so i thought i would attempt, as i eat fast food for nearly every meal or i don’t eat at all and i

a) miss homecooked food, and

b) am gaining too much weight

for those that do not know, hello fresh is a meal delivery service where you pick the number of people you want to serve (2 or 4), and they send you the amount of the ingredients you need for however many meals you picked (3, 4, 5).

i picked 2 servings of 3 meals

sOooo i subscribed (with the option of unsubscribing later), and picked my 3 meals.

the meals i chose were (in order of cooking): blueberry bbq pork chops with sweet potato rounds, thyme chicken and roasted grapes with caramelized onion and garlic mashed potatoes, and chinese garlic beef tacos with quick pickled onion and carrot, cucumber, and peanuts.

i have made the first 2 meals.

today i will review the blueberry bbq pork chops with sweet potato rounds.

each recipe comes with an instruction/step by step sheet and it tells you how long it should take you to cook it. this one was 30 minutes. spoiler alert: it took me an hour and a half, but read on to see why

you do have to have a couple things on hand, this recipe needed oil, salt, and pepper, and the other two need sugar as well.

everything i need was there, preportioned. you do have to do your own chopping. it had the pork, sweet potatoes, green beans, cherry tomatoes, bbq sauce, blueberry jam, garlic, and i had to use my own oil. 

so the first step was to prepare the sweet potato & get them in the oven. i forgot to put them in the oven when it preheated, so mine were 12 min delayed at the end.

i had to cut the ends off the beans, mince the garlic, salt and pepper the pork i wont type out the entire cooking process

it seemed to be A LOT of used dishes, 2 cookie sheets, 1 pot, 1 pan and the associated spatulas 

there was also A LOT of packaging so it isn't super eco-friendly which generally i don't think about but i want to be more conscious!!

anyway, it was easy enough to cook and aside from forgetting to take the clean cast irons out of the oven before setting it to 450 degrees and setting off the smoke detector who keeps dishes in their oven when its not being used bc???? my fam never did 

but it was delicious!!! the pork wasn't too tough or chewy or dry, the portion size was great on this meal but i've heard that it can be small on others the green beans i think would need to be cooked a different way than pan fried, or maybe steamed a bit and then pan fried bc they were still too crunchy but yeah

 over all i'm happy with this meal and i would eat it again and it is the perf amt for me to have eaten tn and will have tomorrow

-

SO I ate it the second day at work, and it was NOT good. it did not hold up well.

i am not a fan of cherry/grape tomatoes as a whole, but eating them warm when i ate this dish freshly made they were fine, but microwaved the next day made them so nasty. the pork became really dry and chewy, and the sauce made everything soggy. i think next time i will need to store the sauce separately.

[underimagines]

Let's talk about headcanons about Food

Now, Mod Sync here is a decent enough cook. Put a recipe in front of me and I’ll be able to cook almost anything, and I can cook some things from just memory. I was making omelettes and looking up recipes and I wondered “What about the Undertale cast? What do they eat outside the game?” So, here are some things I’ve thought up about the main four!

If anyone remembers the Anniversary Q&A that happened (oh, who am I kidding, of course you guys do), then we know some things about that already. HOWEVER, I’m only going to partially use this info here. These are headcanons after all, so I don’t have to quite follow canon. 

Now, if you wish to continue, I shall leave these under a Read more, because this is gonna get wordy and also for you guys who are avoiding food for whatever reason. Also will include some other AUs.

Undertale Cast

Sans, without a doubt, loves anything greasy and fried. Pub food in partcular; burgers and fries are his go-to faves obviously, but also cheese sticks, stuffed potato skins, fried pickled, and so on. Hot pockets and mini pizza bites become a staple in his diet once on the surface. Anything he can pop in the microwave real quick. Also, mac and cheese with all the ketchup.

On the healthier side of things; He’s also very fond of anything with a large amount of tomatoes. Tomato soup with grilled cheese, sun dried Tomato slices, and many, many Italian dishes, though Papyrus has to sort of make him eat it. Except V8 juice. That shit is nasty.

Cooking-wise, he’s decent. He can make a number of different quiche by heart, and anything simple. He’ll need a recipe for anything else, and if it get’s too complicated, he’ll opt-out. Too lazy for anything fancy, leave that to his bro.

Papyrus is head of the kitchen in the Bros’ house. Strangely (or not so much) though, he’s the opposite of Sans; Paps is perfectly capable of making beautiful, complex dishes you’d see at a five-star restaurant. He likes the challenge. He could easily make Boeuf Bourguignon, Coq Au Vin, Backed Alaska, Curry from scratch, etc. But, when it comes to simpler things like Spaghetti, he’s thrown off. In his head, it’s too simple, so he adds things that the recipe doesn’t call for, thinking it will be better like his more complex ones. But…. yeah, the things he adds aren’t always even edible in general.

At the same time, he’s very fond of simple dishes. His favorite food is Oatmeal, an extremely simple dish to make for most. He has a cheese sandwich and an apple for lunch. Maybe he likes these because they’re so hard for him to make, like complex dishes are to normal people. I’d garner that the quiche Sans makes was another thing Paps favored but couldn’t make, so Sans made it for him sometimes. 

Aside from Italian, Paps would like fruit salad or salads in general, yogurt parfaits, cheese omelettes; simple, healthy things. He hates greasy foods, but he’s not above taking candy from the Inn lady, so he’s definitely got at least an ‘All things in moderation’ mentality.

Undyne is an odd ball here. We know that, similar to Sans, she’s fond of greasy foods, a call noting that she likes Grillby’s cheese fries. She also has soda and hot chocolate as choices when you hang out with her. It’s not a far stretch to say Undyne likes junk food. However, as an apparent fitness nut -stemming from needing to stay strong as Captain of the Guard- I’m sure Undyne knows that too much junk food is bad for her. However, there is one thing I can garner off her personality and one particular physical trait of hers that can tell me about what she might eat: her teeth. 

Undyne’s teeth are pointed. Meaning her teeth are sharp. I would go as far as saying that if Undyne is any particular kind of fish, it’s a Piranha. And what do Piranha like? Meat. Undyne, without a doubt, would love meat and grilling. Anything at all. Fish, Chicken, Hotdogs, Veggies, Kabobs, anything she can stick on a grill. 

Seafood is another thing entirely. I’d think seafood is more on the side of comfort food for her. Clam chowder in particular. It stems from a headcanon of mine about Undyne’s family, I’ll talk about it later if you guys want. Sushi is definitely a thing she can get behind, though may take a bit for her to build up to Sashimi.

Tea was another thing in the choices at your hang out. It stemmed from her time while training with Asgore, and she keeps some around. I think she drinks it when she’s stressed. It helps her relax and think.

Alphys is another junk food lover, but only because she’s busy with other things and doesn’t have the time to cook. Cup Ramen is her go-to, but she’s got some other stuff stored away. Finger things she can eat with one hand and type with the other. On the surface, Undyne gets her to start eating grapes or trail mix instead. 

On actual cooked foods, she’s fond of anything hearty; stews and thick soups, stir-fry, and anything served in a skillet. Also, of course she’s into oriental food. The first time she tries REAL ramen, she’s in heaven. She loves noodle dishes and once again, soups. Oddly, she has an extremely high spice tolerance, easily popping whole habaneros an a snack. Undyne refuses to kiss her after she has been.

Alphys herself is fairly decent at cooking. She learns to make a number of Japanese dishes once on the surface; onigiri, bento boxes, and her own sushi and ramen.

(I haven’t come up with any more than the skelebros of other AUs at the moment. Might do another post at a later date about with other characters if it is wanted.)

Underfell Skelebros

Sans, again, loves greasy pub food. He loves anything with a kick too. Jalapeño bites and pepper jack cheese are a constant. He also loves foods with layers or can have lots of toppings; pizzas with everything on them, subs and hotdogs piled high, and obviously his bro’s lasagna. (Don’t let him near a Cincinnati three-way, you will never hear the end of all the perverse jokes if you do.) He’s also fond of Cajun and Creole cooking.

On actual food, one of the few leafy greens Papyrus can get Sans to eat that he likes are Mustard greens, so more often than not, Paps will sauté some up as a side to whatever he’s cooked to get Sans to eat something relatively healthy. Otherwise, it’s limited to whatever Paps can sneak into a dish. Strangely, Sans is also fond of Southern style Sweet tea, even though he doesn’t care for sweet things otherwise.

Sans is an ok cook, but prefers not to if he doesn’t have to. If it isn’t microwaveable, it better be simple, or he’s gonna need a lot of motivation to make anything with more than 4 steps.

Papyrus is a literal Master Chef. He’d put Gorden Ramsey to shame. Paps can take almost anything and make it taste good. It’s the reason Sans eats anything healthy at all. Unlike UT!Paps, he can actually cook simple things too. It’s something besides his strength that he prides himself in.

On his own diet, he does love his lasagna, but also anything you can make in a casserole dish. He’s not overly picky, aside from keeping his own food to a tolerable spice level unlike his brother, but he does favor things that can last for a while and be reheated. In a world like Underfell, sometimes there are days were it’s just not safe to go out, so having a lot of leftovers can be helpful when stuck inside. So casseroles, stews, anything that can sit in the fridge and not taste bad after a day or two.

On another note, he’s fond of breads and baked goods. He makes some hella good garlic bread, and always has dinner rolls or biscuits or whatever ready as a side. Just don’t tell Sans how much he loves Monkey Bread, it’s one of the extreme few things he indulges in.

Underswap Skelebros

Sans our little taco man. Yes, he loves Mexican food. No, it’s not the only thing he cooks. No, his food isn’t that bad. He has a tendency of burning things because he gets distracted, but he knows better than to put inedible things in his food. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get a little… creative with his cooking, but at least they’re all things that are supposed to be edible.

Through his love of Mexican food, he has a decent spice tolerance, and, though Tacos are his fave, he’s very fond of rice dishes as well. And black bean soup. He makes some fine salsa and guacamole from scratch too.

On the other hand, he’s not really picky. He’ll try anything once. He’s pretty fond of most any beef and chicken dishes. Though Paps has forbidden him from straight sugar and coffee, Sans can wip up some damn good sweets, like Mexican brownies and chocolate filled Churros. At least that way, Paps won’t drink straight honey while still getting his sugar fix.

Papyrus, on the other hand, is practically a sugar addict. He loooooves everything sweet. Candy, pastries, ice cream, anything with sugar. He’s Muffet’s taste tester if she’s making something new. Aside from honey, he’s particularly fond of chocolate in general and fruit fillings.

On the normal food side, he’s not as fond of spicy things as Sans, so Sans usually holds back on Pap’s food when it comes to spice. He also isn’t fond of complicated dishes unless it’s sweets. He likes simple things; sandwiches, salads, rice, anything you can throw together real quick or pop in the microwave. It’s not that he won’t eat healthy, it’s just it tends to be disproportionate to the amount of sweets he eats.

This also shows in his cooking. If it isn’t simple, he’s gonna have trouble. He’s not bad, he just gets a little nervous and that can lead to being a little clumsy. He’d rather Sans do the cooking, or at least keep an eye on things if it’s something he needs a recipe for.

[martadwatson]

Real Housewives Of Atlanta Season 11 Premiere Recap

Last night’s season premiere of Real Housewives of Atlanta was all about Porsha Williams turning right instead of left and finding Prince Charming – aka The Hot Dog King Of Atlanta, and hopefully getting a big ol diamond ring out of it. HINT, MEGA-HINT, HINT.

As we alll know Porsha is dating Dennis, who owns several clubs in addition to The Original Hotdog Factory. “Everybody loves hot dogs!” Porsha cheers, “Especially me!” And Dennis’s wienie in particular. Porsha met Dennis at one of his clubs, then went home with him. Porsha and Dennis’s one-night stand has now turned into ring shopping. He apparently told her he loved her the first night they met. “It just feels natural and we just went with it,” she gushes.

Porsha drags Dennis to her jeweler – the same one who provided her rings to Kordell, because, “Different man, different right, right?!” And bigger girl, bigger diamonds too! She’s a grown up now, no more playing housewives with a man who acts like her father. Also, it’s not like the jeweler cursed their marriage – RHOA did.

After diamond browsing, Porsha swings by Swagg Boutique to check in on NeNe Leakes. And NeNe is not doing well. Gregg has been diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer – which I didn’t know his cancer was so advanced! – and most of his colon was removed. NeNe is taking care of him, and trying to be strong, but in her car and at night she cries. Gregg is determined to fight – if only to have more time with his wife – so they host a revitalizing prayer circle of family and friends to boost his spirit and keep him strong.  NeNe gets Porsha for her spirit boosting! Gregg looks so ill and depleted, I am heartbroken for this family. And alas I just cannot make fun of NeNe’s confessional hat at a time like this. So she gets a pass, because of Gregg.

Porsha came to Swagg because she just had to see NeNe’s face to truly understand where she is. They speak on the phone regularly, but Porsha knows NeNe is hiding her true feelings and has decided to make it her sole mission (other than getting a ring) to make NeNe laugh to cheer her up. And Porsha, bless her heart, she is ride or die about shaking her booty for a friend in need.

Dennis is taking Porsha to Miami to celebrate her birthday and guess what – NeNe is also headed there for a comedy gig. NeNe somehow talks Porsha into trying on this tie-dyed two-piece number which looked like a Crayola box exploded on Porsha’s ass, or maybe like one of those Jackson Pollak paintings that sell for millions.

NeNe wants to see what’s cooking with Porsha and her Swagg outfit. The answer is stir-fried crazy. Crazier than a tye-dyed spandex outfit.

What’s also cooking is that Porsha has a brilliant idea. Well, at least for her it’s brilliant. She – ahem, the producers – decide this is the perfect opportunity for Porsha to plan a girl’s trip to surprise NeNe in Miami to cheer her up. Yes, I’m so sure Porsha came up with this all on her own. Just like I’m so sure Porsha and NeNe just so happened to be traveling to Miami at the exact same time…

Next, let’s check in on Cynthia Bailey. Fifty Cynt turned out to be a bad year, but Fifty Cynt & Change is doing OK. Cynthia is now dating – and quite serious with – Mike Hill, a sportscaster who lives in LA, but visits Lake Bailey regularly to dive into its cool, swampy waters. Mike calls for some Skype-Sex and Cynthia is all prepared with a glass of wine swimming with frozen green grapes so it looks like she’s drinking a witch’s brew filled with eyeballs. Then in the middle of Mike telling her how he likes to be in control, Noelle walks in unannounced. Noelle and Mike have met, and like each other – so much so that Mike and Cynthia almost continue their raunchy talk while she’s sitting on the sofa taking a selfie. Classy!

For Kandi Burrrus her personal life is problematic while her professional one is hitting the highest notes ever. Starting with Xscape being honored with an aascap Golden Note Award. The award is all fine and good, but the really important matter for these Ol Girls of the 90’s music scene is what craft services will be serving backstage. Um, aascap isn’t using OLG as their caterers? Aunt Bertha won’t be personally presiding over the koolaid kocktails while terrorizing the other esteemed attendees? Apparently not because it doesn’t even appear that Mama Joyce attended.

Instead, Kandi brought her toddler and Riley, neither of whom want to be there. Kandi is shocked that Ace is cranky and crying – she doesn’t even seem to realize what time he goes to bed. Probably because, as Riley points out, Kandi is constantly working and never home. Todd is essentially running “Daddy Daycare,” but while he’s at the bar getting a much needed drink after finally escaping the kids, Don Jaun Daycare had to take over while Kandi grimaced from the red carpet. Girl time to hire a NANNY.

We also need to take a moment to truly honor the star of that show: Kandi’s weave. It must have been supplied by Porsha’s Go Naked Hair!

Of course, while Kandi is missing school meetings she forgot were even scheduled (OK I’ve done that too) and being publicly called out by her teenager for ignoring home responsibilities, she’s contemplating another baby because duh – she has two frozen embryos left which she’s not sure what to do with. Yes – another stupid embryo storyline! Really Bravo… you have got to cook up some new recipes. Let Porsha get into that kitchen and open the oven and stuff a hotdog bun in there or something.

Eva Marcille had Michael Jr, and is now engaged to regular-old Michael. Basically, everything is great except that her wedding is in about 6 minutes but she has no wedding planner or anything else done. However, she does have professional family photographs with everyone wearing denim-on-denim like this is 1992. So priorities. After taking a couple photos with the kids, Eva quickly shoos them away, kicks off her Louboutins and turns this into The Eva Show to relaunch her modeling career. Does ANTM do a senior series? Wasn’t LeeAnne Locken on something like that way back when?

Porsha comes home carrying a Chick-Fil-A cup the size of her head and announces that she’s going to call all the girls to invite them to Miami on a mission trip to recharge NeNe’s batteries. She’s scared though because she’s well aware that none of her s0-called friends even like her! She starts with Cynthia, who is too busy sucking on frozen grapes to be mean and having nothing to do, is an easy yes. Next Porsha downs a shot of Hennessy to give Kandi a call. Kandi was just telling us how much she loves to work, so she had no problem jetting off to Miami at a moment’s notice and ditching her kids (again) to fulfill her Bravo contractual obligations. Everyone else, obviously, can go because these trips are sooo authentic!

Porsha pats herself on the back for being brave enough to work the telephone and surprisingly everyone was nice. Even Kandi. Good things happen when you project your happiness to the world in the form of constant hair flips and high pitched shrieking giggles. Porsha in love is worse than five 8th grader girls.

Porsha prepared for Miami by packing all white, because she’s having a very bridal moment – hopefully – and then adding a bring red wig to signify love. Also red is the color of ketchup – which pairs perfectly with hot dogs! I assume Porsha is no longer vegan? If Dennis doesn’t propose in the next 5 minutes she’s gonna explode like a hotdog cooked too long in the microwave! When he arrives to pick her up and fly her in a private plane, Porsha is literally bursting with glee and practically levitating at the thought of being proposed to during the trip. Did I mention that they’ve only been together five months?

Meanwhile, NeNe is calling Cynthia hourly to beg her to come to Miami where she’ll be doing her first comedy show since Gregg’s diagnosis. Cynthia is the worst liar ever and stumbles over pretending she has to get off the phone for conference calls and phone sex and any other reason, oh my! Then she’s so flustered she packs the wardrobe equivalent of Porsha’s personality.

Driving to their hotel, Porsha prattles on about how she has so much to do in Miami like wear WHITE. A LOT. And make NeNe feel better by showing off her GIANT ENGAGEMENT RING, but there are no plans to introduce Dennis to the girls. Porsha wants to protect him from them eating him alive. Dennis actually already knows Kandi… from around. No details given. Also, he used to frequent OLG Restaurant on the regular, being that he lives right across the street, but since meeting Porsha he hasn’t partaken in their fried chicken. Hmmm… so do we think Dennis is a famewhore? Or something else? Porsha is choosing to remain unbothered by this revelation because she is much more focused on the fact that Dennis could be proposing this weekend. HINT HINT.

Dennis has the room all prepared with a private chef to make gourmet food, and WHITE (hint hint!) rose petals on the bed and we all know what white rose petals mean… THERE IS A RING HIDING IN PORSHA’S SALMON STEAK. Like a bad sitcom, Porsha runs into the bathroom to frantically call her sister, whispering about how she knows this is the night. She’s in there so long Dennis finally asks if everything is OK. Cause nothing says sexy like your man thinking you have explosive diarrhea!

Finally, Porsha sits down on the bed and Dennis whips out a giant jewelry box and … TO BE CONTINUED.

Also, of course, Dennis knows Kandi. And of course, Kandi will know something nasty about him.

TELL US – DO YOU THINK DENNIS WILL PROPOSE? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF CYNTHIA’S MAN? ARE YOU EXCITED EVA HAS JOINED THE CAST FULL-TIME?

[Photo Credits: Bravo]

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[dalovelee1]

I have an addiction to anything related to natural hair. I also enjoy engaging in retail therapy. You combine those two interests and you get a product junkie. I absolutely love writing about my experiences with the various products I try so my readers can learn to love their natural hair. Today I’m going to tell you about five of the products that will make your natural hair journey flawless all summer.

Slap Cap by Grace Eleyae: The first product I recommend is a fancy bonnet. I’ve damaged my hair several times by sleeping without anything to protect my tresses. That is a NO-NO for kinky, curly girls like me. Most sheets and pillow cases suck the moisture right out of our hair. The hair becomes dry, brittle and frizzy. The ends split and then the hair breaks. Cute styles are basically impossible on damaged hair so it’s important to protect those tresses. You can find a bonnet at any hair supply store, pharmacy or superstore like Walmart. They run anywhere from $1.99 to $5. They are usually made of polyester material that has a silky feeling. Some people opt for real silk or satin. Anything smooth seems to be effective. A cotton head covering is not recommended because it actually soaks the moisture out of your hair. Remember what I said about sheets and pillowcases. The problem with the silky ones is that the smooth materials often slide right off our heads while sleeping. I’ve been rocking my satin-lined cap by Grace Eleyae for about eight or nine months now. I love that it’s stylish enough to dress up to wear in public. If you buy one, make sure you get the right size. I have a small head so the one I bought no longer fits since I cut my hair shorter.

The only other thing I don’t like about the Slap Cap is the price. I admit that the quality is much better than the coverings found at the local beauty supply stores. However, $30 is a bit pricey, I suggest catching a sale or looking for a discount code before purchasing.

Hot Head by Thermal Hair Care, Inc.: Summertime is idea for wash and goes. Deep conditioning your hair often is key for maintaining this style. I deep condition at least once a week. I came across this neat deep conditioning cap at a local boutique for naturals called Nourish Your Curls.

I like it because my low-porosity hair needs heat to absorb moisture but I hate sitting under a hair dryer. I will wear a regular shower cap for two or three hours before I sit 15-30 minutes under a dryer. I put this little baby in the microwave for three minutes and pop on over my shower cap for about 20 minutes. It’s light weight so I don’t mind doing things around the house while the conditioner seeps in my hair. I use the Maui Moisture Heal & Hydrate + Shea Butter Hair Mask with a mixture of grape seed oil, JBCO, olive oil, and sweet almond oil for scent. It works well and the process is very relaxing. The Hot Head comes in a variety of patterns and costs $30. I think it’s well worth the price.

Come Clean & Knot Today by Kinky Curly: Can you say staple products. I’ve been using this line for years with nothing but satisfaction. If you read my blog, you know I am not a fan of shampoo but Come Clean is a wonderful alternative. It doesn’t have all of those harsh chemicals that dry my hair out. It doesn’t take a lot of product to lather and remove the buildup from my hair. After cleansing my hair, the Knot Today is a great leave-in conditioner. It mixes well with many other products without drying out my hair or leaving that nasty white residue. It makes my hair soft, hydrated and shiny. Like the cleanser, it doesn’t take much to activate this product. One bottle lasts a while. The price is moderate on the continuum of natural hair products. You can get these Kinky Curly products at stores that don’t carry a lot of natural hair care products for about $12 a bottle. 

Shea Yogurt Hair Moisturizer by Alikay Naturals: This little jar packs a mighty punch of moisture and shine. It also smells delightful as do all of the products I’ve tried in this line. I use this product to seal moisture in my hair after I add the leave-in and oil. Most people call it the LOC method. It doesn’t take much to make my curls pop, and I only have to use it every 2-3 days. It’s not greasy at all. It just make my hair curl up.  It is expensive. I caught a buy 2 get 1 free sale, but by itself, this lemony jar of goodness will cost you about $16. That’s definitely on the high end of the natural hair product continuum, but the quality makes it worth it. You’ll buy twice as much of cheaper moisturizers in the same amount of time that it will take to use up the Shea Yogurt. It’s worth it.

Curly Magic by Uncle Funky’s Daughter: Yes, there is a brand named Uncle Funky’s Daughter. More importantly, you need to go out and try it. It just came to Grand Rapids a few months ago but I’ve been seeing great reviews about it for a few years. I picked up a sampler pack and loved it all. I went out and got a regular sized bottle of the Curly Magic though.  I couldn’t stop using it. It’s a styler that provides maximum definition and great hold without the hard, crispy cast. I love it! It leaves my hair with a bright sheen that just shines. I love shiny hair. It’s a sign of health and hydration. I only paid $15 at a local Meijer (a superstore in the Midwest). I haven’t seen it at any other stores. They’re asking $25 for it on the website so I’ll keep going to Meijer. It’s well worth the $15. I’ve had the large bottle for two months and it’s only half gone. I’m not sure if I’d pay extra $10 if there were no other options.

So these are the five products I’m recommending you try this summer. If you already have, let me and my readers know what you think in the comment sections. As always, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoy and find the information helpful.

  5 Must-Have Products To Keep Your Natural Hair Moisturized All Summer I have an addiction to anything related to natural hair. I also enjoy engaging in retail therapy.

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5 Simple Ways to Clean a Dirty Vape Tank

How to clean your vape tank

One thing you may have experienced when using a tank, clearomizer or all-in-one device, is that when switching flavors, you can still taste that previous juice lurking in the background.

Even if you change the coil head, the flavoring from your last juice might still be lingering in your device. This is especially true for tobacco, coffee, menthol, cinnamon and other dominant flavors such as melon, grape or licorice. Imagine trying to vape a grape-flavored coffee e-liquid.

Don’t worry. In this guide, we’ll show you five of the best ways to eliminate this issue for good. Luckily most tanks these days are easy to clean, if you know the right steps to take. We’re going to cover everything from your standard rinse some more advanced methods, so let’s get started!

1. The standard rinse

This is probably the most basic and common method of cleaning your tank. First you start by taking apart your tank into as many pieces as possible. You can also carefully remove the O-rings, which is where a lot of the old flavor gets trapped. Just be careful not to lose them!

Note: If you’re using a device with replaceable coil heads, you’ll need to remove that coil head before cleaning. If the coil head is in good condition, it can be re-used, but in order to completely get rid of the previous flavor, you must install a brand new, fresh coil head.

Take your cup or bowl and fill it with water. Place it in the microwave for about two minutes. In the meantime, rinse the parts of your tank under the sink, to get the process started. Next, take out the cup or bowl from the microwave and place your disassembled tank inside of it.

Let it sit, until the water cools down, then give your tank one last rinse under the sink. Use a paper towel to gently and carefully dry your tank. Let it sit until completely dry. You can also use a blow dryer to speed up the process, but too much heat can potentially damage your o-rings.

Note: You can also use a small brush to get your vape tank squeaky clean. There is an accessory on our site for under $2 that is made specifically for cleaning vape tanks and gear. Children’s toothbrushes are also inexpensive and work great for this application.

2. The PG/VG soak… a deeper clean

If you don’t want to use regular water, you can actually soak your tank in propylene glycol. Simply fill up a bowl or cup with your unflavored PG, and let it soak. You could also use VG, but that would be a bit more difficult to clean your tank with, since it’s a much thicker liquid.

Once your tank is done soaking in PG, stand it up on a napkin and let it drip dry.This method is excellent for getting out that leftover flavor.

3. Vinegar, baking soda and ethanol (oh my!)

You can replace PG/VG with a few things that you might already have lying around the house…

Vinegar is a highly acidic cleaning agent but must be thoroughly rinsed to prevent its smell from lingering.

Baking soda is another good cleaning agent that can be used to get tanks sparkling again.

Ethanol, aka grain alcohol is yet another highly effective substance for cleaning. Don’t get this confused with Isopropyl alcohol. You can find a huge bottle of this stuff at your local liquor store.

Some vapers prefer using a little bit of dish soap or lemon juice with water instead. As long as you rinse all of these substances well, they are highly effective agents for cleaning your vape.

4. The Ultrasonic cleaner… meet your new friend

If you want to get the most thorough clean possible for your vape tanks, you’ll need an ultrasonic cleaner. Typically used for cleaning jewelry and precious metals, now used by vapers worldwide to clean their atomizers. Now you have companies like Coil Master making them too!

You don’t need an ultrasonic cleaner made for vape gear, they are all the same. But if you are serious about cleaning your gear, especially if you own a lot of it, then this is the move for you.

We recommend using an ultrasonic cleaner with a timer that that goes longer than five minutes.

5. Chuckin’ coils… into the trash

If you have tried all of the above and your flavor is just not popping anymore, it’s time to change that nasty coil head. If you are tired of buying them, you should probably look into rebuildables. Simply follow #1, pop in a fresh atomizer and you’re all set to go.

If you’re already using a rebuildable atomizer, don’t chuck those coils just yet. Try removing the cotton, burning the rest of the juice off and giving them a good rinse. That vape accessory (or toothbrush) will come in handy for brushing your coils. Ok now wick ’em up, it’s time to vape!

Conclusion

There are lots of great ways to clean your vape tank, depending on how clean you want it, and how much time you have. Ultrasonic cleaners work wonders, but are also time consuming. Vinegar, baking soda and dish soap work great too, but sometimes a good rinse is all you need.

Experiment with these different methods, and see which one suits you best. Let us know how they’ve worked for you, and which one you prefer.

If you have any additional tips about cleaning your vape tank, drop us a line because we enjoy reading all of your comments!

> Keep reading: Check out our list of “Best Vape Tanks”