#michael jackson ate my son

[weird-smells-sexy-bees]

Just found out Micheal Jackson was a TWINK

[ssahotchnerr]

chaotic hotchner siblings hcs (alternatively titled, jack and ellie hotchner; reasons 2 and 3 why hotch takes anti anxiety meds)

-you ever see that tiktok of that little boy meeting his baby sister, and she’s wrapped in a blanket, and the first thing out of his mouth is “she doesn’t have any arms?” that’s how your lovely son introduces himself to his sister. it’s brought up by every member of the BAU every time they see jack for years after

-when you guys try and teach ellie how to ride a bike, jack runs holding the handlebars to get ellie some speed before he has her try by herself. he sends her off with a “don’t eat shit!”. aaron gets halfway into his lecture before a crash cuts him off—ellie had hit a curb and flipped herself into a bush. her curly head of hair pops up moments later, gleefully proclaiming “i ate shit!”

-they match each other’s hyperfixations a little TOO well. one time it was michael jackson and not only did jack twist his ankle trying to moonwalk, “HEE HEE” had to be banned because if aaron heard it from across the house one more time he would have had an aneurysm

-ellie’s middle initial, O, might as well be short for “out of pocket”. she was benched at one of her soccer games once because a girl on her team had said something hurtful about jack not being her “real” brother because they had different moms. your daughter promptly responded with, “well, YOUR mommy had you and she never comes to our games!”

-despite their age gap, you and aaron will refer to them as the tornado twins because when the two of them are hyped up about anything, they’re forces of nature.

-the first time ellie was ever catcalled, she was 13, and it was by a neighbor boy skating by while she and jack gardened outside. before jack could turn around and give him hell, ellie promptly switched settings on the hose and powerwashed the boy off his skateboard. the “YES!” jack screamed scared you and aaron, but by the time you two had made it outside, the two of them were mid chest bump and the boy had long vanished. thankfully, your ring doorbell had gotten the entire thing. aaron will watch it whenever he needs a laugh

STOP i love each and every one of those oh my god????

jack 😭 i can imagine him entering the hospital room, ready to meet his sister after waiting what has felt like forever, but he's soo shy 🥺 he's all smiles when he sees you, but soberly approaches ellie's little bassinet. when he sees her, his eyebrows furrow all quizzically, looks up at aaron, and asks about her arms 😭 he's so sweet

first, the visual of aaron lecturing jack, but then being interrupted by ellie's crash 😭 aaron immediately sprints ahead to her rescue, but not without tossing over his shoulder (over ellie's initial wails before she pops up 😭) "we're not done discussing this🫵🏻"

and omg aaron has soo many, "oh god help me🙄" moments due to the two of them just wreaking havoc 😭 but despite it all, he wouldn't have it any other way 🥹🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

THE SOCCER ONE i'm 100% writing a full fic about that omg 😭 hold me to it PLEASE

ellie with the hose 😭 it's the way she does not hesitate AT ALL. and jack being all celebratory about his sister's actions LMAO i love them both so so so so so so much 😭

you're quite literally a genius thank you for sharing all of those 😭 i'm actually obsessed and will be thinking about them forever 🫶🏻

[heeheebitch]

Muzan meets his long lost father.

*i didn't make any of these characters... ENJOY!!*

one day...Muzan jackson kibutsuji was walking in the sun. *he ate nezuko.. Womp to the f*****g womp.* When...he heard a loud...." OW!!!" and very catchy music. With a lot of, " ANNIE ARE YOU OKAY?!", and, "HEE HEE!!!". Muzan's eyes shimmered as he walked towards the crowd of people. He may have shoved some people down. womp womp. Muzan then saw... a man with black hair, and a white suit with a blue tie, and a white and black fedora. Muzan was like..."MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT THE F**K?!". Michael stopped moonwalking in place and looked at Muzan. Michael let out a cry of happiness."MY SON THAT I SOMEHOW MADE A DEMON!!!". And Muzan was like,"MY DEADBEAT FATHER WHO LEFT WITH THE MILK DURING INFLATION!!". The two embraced and then.... STARTED DANCING UP A F*****G STORM!!!! They sang Billie Jean,(aka muzan's mother.) and dissed her Eminem style. People recorded this whole scene. Including,,, HEEHEEBITCH! They posted the video and Billie Jean saw it and was like," OH HELL NAH!"

READ PT 2!! PEACE! BE LIKE THE MAN IN THE MIRROR>_<

[babyspiderling]

Little Red Corvette p.2 Michael Jackson x reader

(Bad Era)

Eight Months Later (1983)

I did this pregnancy on my own. My mother was appalled at the fatherless child growing inside of me and refused to support me through my pregnancy. The struggles and frustrations for the past nine months very easily justified when I held my baby boy in my arms. His skin was a beautiful shade of brown, his eyes deep and pulling like his fathers. Looking down at the tiny human finally in the world, there was no question or doubt in my mind who the father was. By blessing or curse, I was the only one who knew who the father was. Relatively early in my pregnancy, Michael released a video for one of his songs "Billie Jean". I sat and stressed over the possibility of him knowing of the child in my womb for weeks, but nothing came of it. No managers offering hush money, no reporters asking about the legitimacy of the child inside of me, nothing, so life went on. Looking down at the life in my arms, snuggled towards me I spoke softly. "Edward Michael L/N. My little blessing."

1986

It wasn't too long after Edward, or Eddie was born that I went back to work. I hired a sitter, or depending on the client, brought him in with me. Whitney Houston and Cher absolutely gushed over him during breaks. When Eddie was three, I got a call from Quincy Jones asking me to help him out on the mixing on an album. I agreed and found someone to watch my son while I worked. Quincy didn't tell me who I was hired for and I didn't want to seem unprofessional to whoever Quincy was working with. I kissed my three year old good-bye and got into my car to head to the studio they were using. "Bye Blessing! Mommy's going to work, but I'll be home soon. I love you so much!" I drove through the California traffic to the studio and parked my car near the front. I checked myself in the mirror before making my way inside.

"Y/N! You made it! Where's Eddie? You know you can bring him any time? Little dude has got potential if you ever want him to get into our world." I laugh at Quincy's antics. "Yeah, I know you love Eddie. Thank you for the compliment, but he's three, Q. He's not going into show business any time soon." Q shrugs his shoulders and turns back to the soundboard in his rolling chair. "Alright, let's get down to business shall we?" He nods and presses play on the vocals. I feel the blood drain from my face as a familiar voice croons from the speakers.

"I don't care what you talkin' 'bout baby, I don't care what you say. Don't you come walkin' beggin' back mama,I don't care anyway"

I stand stock still in shock, flashes of our one night together, my isolated pregnancy, my little boy waiting at home for me. I yank myself out of it with a sharp gasp when Q places a hand on my elbow, his eyebrows creased in worry. "Hey, Y/N, you good? You look like you've seen a ghost. What's going on?" I swallow and tuck my hair behind my ear, a nervous tick. "Yeah, I'm fine Q. I don't know what that was. How're we mixing this one?" He sits back in his chair, taking a deep breath and heaving it out in a large sigh. "Yeah, about that. Smelly's really particular on how he wants each track to sound on this album. He wants his voice to be layered in a harmony with himself during the chorus. He's recorded the audio, now it's our turn to get it just the way he wants." I nod and sit down in my own chair, slipping the large, bulky headphones over my ears to start working. The sooner I can finish working on Michael's album the better.

"Alright! Two music heads working on that was much faster than just me. I've got a few more tracks to work on before the release of the album. You good to come in say, day after tomorrow? Early morning so we can get a lot done. And bring Eddie. I miss my godson." I laugh and roll my eyes, giving Quincy a playful shove on the shoulder. "Works for me. And yes, I'll bring Eddie if the 'Client' won't mind a toddler running around the studio space while we work." Q chuckles and reclines in his chair. "No, he won't mind. I have a feeling you know who we're working for here?" I nod, and grab my purse off the ground. "Alright, you know it's Michael. I promise he won't mind. He loves kids" I nod, not really looking forward to potentially forcing Michael into Eddie's life out of obligation. I drive home reflecting on the strange chain of events that brought me here in the first place. I pull into the driveway and unlock the door. I drop my things on the floor where I stand and catch my little boy running into my arms. "Mommy! Me and April painteded! Come see! Come see!" He wiggles out of my arms and drags me to the fridge by my wrist. He bounces where he stands as I look at his painting. It was surprisingly detailed for a three year old. I smile proudly at him as I turn to my sitter, April. "Thank you for watching him so last minute. I really appreciate it." She just smiles at me and grabs her purse from the table. "Oh, Ms. L/N, it's really no trouble. Eddie is just the best kid ever. He was so funny during lunch. I had the radio playing while we ate and he just sat there, dancing in his seat. He didn't even realize he was doing it! But honestly, he is the easiest kid I have ever watched." I pay her and walk her out to her car parked on the street. I turn back to Eddie with a smile. "Wanna eat and watch a movie tonight with Mommy?" My blessing nods his head so hard and fast, I think it'll fly off like a bobble head with a loose spring. "Alright bud, what do you want for dinner?" "PIZZA!" I chuckle at my little boy. "Alright, pizza it is."

I buckle Eddie in the backseat, and climb into the front seat myself. "We're gonna see Uncle Q today buddy! Mommy has to make some music, but you get to hang out with us!" He kicks his legs in the air and gives a shout of excitement. "Yay Uncle Q!" I turn on the radio and look over my shoulder to pull out of the driveway to get to the studio. Parking, I pull the keys out of the ignition and grab Eddie, reminding him to put his backpack on. I hold his hand as we make our way to the studio, the front empty. I sit Eddie down on the chair and go to grab a cup of coffee from the lobby. "I'll be right back baby. I'm gonna get some coffee, and find Uncle Q ok?" He nods and swings his legs in the chair. I hand him the truck from his bag and kiss his forehead before leaving.

I bumped into Quincy in the hall after getting my coffee and went back to the studio space together. When we opened the door, a slim caramel skinned man was kneeling before my son, talking and laughing with him. At the sound of the door opening, Eddie glanced at us. "Mommy! Uncle Q! I made a new friend! His name is Michael, like me!" I widen my eyes in shock at his innocent chatter. Quincy scoops up his godson and chuckles. "Oh yeah Eddie? And what did you guys talk about?" Eddie wraps his arms around Q's neck. "We talked about drawing! Michael is very really good at coloring!" Q humors his godson, chuckling at the boy who has him wrapped around his little finger. While the two talk Michael lifts himself from the ground and introduces himself. "Hi, I'm Michael. I don't think we've been introduced." He sticks out his hand and I feel conflicted. I was so afraid of him noticing me, connecting the dots, but it hurt a bit that I meant so little to him. In his defense, it was one night, four years ago. I grasp his hand and introduce myself again. "Y/N. I'm mixing for your album with Q. You've already met my son, Eddie." He shakes my hand, and smiles back at Eddie. "He's a joy. I was recording and didn't know he was here. I look up and little guy's just dancing in his seat like crazy. He was just coloring on a blank sheet of paper. Sweet kid." I nod and swallow. "Let's get to work, shall we?" Michael nods and goes to the soundboard to listen to the new version of "Leave Me Alone". I watch Michael bob his head to the rhythm, as Eddie dances in the corner. I nibble and pull on my lips in a nervous tick. The music fades out and Michael looks at Q and I with a smile. "Awesome guys! Just what I wanted. I want Y/N as my mixer for the rest of the album. That good Quincy?" Quincy bounces Eddie in his lap, grinning. "Of course it's good! Gotta teach my godson the ropes right?" I smile and ruffle Eddie's hair lovingly, nodding along. Q, Eddie, and I occupy the main front of the studio space as Michael goes back to record another track.

The day goes by quickly, Q leaving the three of us alone to grab lunch. I sit at the recording desk and write down a few lyrics here and there, a melody and message in my head dying to get out. I glance over at my son and see him and Michael goofing around. I smile sadly, imagining what our lives would be like if Michael didn't leave that morning, if he knew he had a son with me. I guess I didn't realize how long I had been staring at the two until my son met my eyes, causing him to run to me in a comforting manner. "Mommy, what's wrong?" I shake off the sadness and force a smile on my face to keep my caring boy from worrying over me. "I'm fine baby. Just a bit tired. It may be Mommy's nap time soon." He nods and giggles, kissing my cheek before going back to Michael. Michael picks up Eddie, placing him on his hip, and walks towards me. 'Hey, Y/N, if you want, you can take a nap in the recording studio. I've got a couch back there. I can come and get you when Quincy comes back with lunch. I try to turn down his offer, but a yawn interrupts my objection. Michael gently guides me to the studio and sits me down on the couch, exiting and turning the lights out on the way. Against my wishes, I close my eyes and succumb to the peace of sleep.

I groggily pulled myself from the depths of dreamland at the sounds of people talking and laughing. I heard Eddie and Michael talking and it immediately caught my attention. "So, your mom makes music, your Uncle Q makes music, what does your dad do?" I peek out from the window and see Eddie and Michael sitting on the floor, rolling toy trucks around, a takeout container setting on the desk. "I don't know. I don't have a dad. Mommy plays Mommy and Daddy. She goes to all my games, plays with me, teaches me how to put on shoes." From where I stand, I can't see Michael's face, and I decide now is a good time to get back out there. I open the door and both boys look up at me. I glance at my watch and see that it's about time to go home. "Hey, sorry I slept so long. Why didn't you wake me up?" Michael shrugs and stands. "You looked so peaceful while you slept. Didn't want to wake you, let alone let you drive home tired. Lunch got here not too long ago so your food should still be warm. I was actually about to head home myself if you're ok with coming in tomorrow instead? We can keep working." I nod and grab my container. "In case I get here before you, what are you wanting to do with the other tracks?" I eat my food as he goes over what he wants to be done with a couple other songs to be put on the album. Now finished with my food, I throw away my empty container, asking Eddie to pack up so we can head home. Before we leave, Q comes back in, sad that we have to leave so soon. I promise to bring Eddie back tomorrow if that's alright with Michael, which it of course is. I give a hug to Q, and an awkward hug/handshake maneuver to Michael. Eddie practically tackles the both of the men in hugs and races to grab my hand. As we leave, I can faintly hear Michael tell Q "She seems so familiar, like I've met her before."

Taglist: @accio-boys​

[a-m-e-t-h-y-s-t-r-o-s-e]

Forgive me father but I need to rant about Chick-Fil-A. The “resident non-beanie” in the discord group chat posted a meme comparing people that eat at Chick-Fil-A to people that allow antisemitism, and I just have to talk about it.

I’ve been to Chick-Fil-A maybe twice in my whole life, and not once by my own accord. I have NO issue never eating there again if that’s what it takes to support gay rights! ZERO skin off my nose if I never eat Chick-Fil-A ever again!!

But apparently, to allllll the people who pretend to give a shit on social media, Chick-Fil-A is just SO GOOD they can’t stop eating it, despite it being against their stated beliefs.

At this point I think we oughta just give up and let the homophobes win. Nobody that pretends to care actually does care enough to eat at one of the 5000 other chicken fast food places out there, rather than support their ideological enemies. 

It’s not even a hard thing to do!

When I was ~12 I was obsessed with MJ and personally boycotted Pepsi products because they burned his head. THAT was hard; I didn’t have control over when/where my family ate, or what we bought for groceries, and Pepsi owns so much stuff. They own Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut, Gatorade, Doritos, Starbucks, Tostitos, QUAKER FOODS, you name it! Pepsi is SO BIG it’s almost impossible to stop supporting them, and I was still TRYING. I cared that much about Michael Jackson I was willing to nearly starve to death over something that was already settled eleven years before I was born.

And yet, adults with their own money, who get to decide what they’re going to eat, who make such a huge fuss online about how important it is to boycott Chick-Fil-A, continue to go there anyway because “it’s just that good.”

Nobody even cares about boycotting Chick-Fil-A. They say they do, to look good, to look “woke,” to look like they care about gay rights, but in actuality if someone brought home Chick-Fil-A they’d all eat in a heartbeat regardless of their personal beliefs.

This whole “boycott” has been going on for ten years and it hasn’t even started. I’m starting to think this is some weird kind of ad for Chick-Fil-A, like “Our chicken is so good, you’ll turn your back on your beliefs just to get a bite of our sandwiches! Yum yum!”

So at this point, I’m gonna say it, I don’t care. I’m still not particularly into fast food chicken, I’m still probably gonna avoid Chick-Fil-A, but I don’t wanna hear anymore goddamn grandstanding on how “evil” Chick-Fil-A is. I don’t even know what the owner supposedly did! Did he kick out his gay son? Does he support conversion therapy? Did he say the word “faggot” once 40 years ago and we just can’t forgive him? Did he sneeze wrong and the Internet decided he was a bad person? WHO KNOWS??? Who cares??? Apparently nobody! They just want to be able to police what people eat because they want to feel morally superior!

Who gives a shit!!! If you people who say you care don’t actually care, why should I!! CHICKEN SANDWICHES AND PEACH MILKSHAKES FOR EVERYONE! Shut the fuck up!!!

[no-idea-what-imdoing]

Some quotes from the first term this year (we go in person but masks are required in my district) part one

It’s so weird they put shaggy and Velma together

They get smaller and smaller every year

Shut up that’s why y’all bonin

I’m anxious sometimes

If I was rich why would I live in Palatka

I don’t want to be rich I just want to be upper middle class

While you’re getting taxes we’re living on government money

We’ve been in school a day and you’ve already started 2 rumors about me

How far is six feet? Just take a 6 foot person and lay them down!

So how I tell if I’m 6 feet apart from someone I imagine my brother laying on the ground

What’s the best flavor of ice cream?

-chocolate peanut butter

Incorrect

Don’t eat the penis nut

*squeals* DONT TOUCH MY CHICKEN

What did you three do to your table mates?

We ate them

Now all we need is a bonfire

It’s too dang hot you got one up there Lucas *points at sun*

Your not the real Santa your just a fake

Get in the bag

Hurry up kid

You know what iconic thing George Washington said when they crossed the Delaware?

Happy birthday?

Get in the boat.

Tiktok bullying is real

As soon as I get in my car I’m whipping it out of here

Hey sexies

My signature does not count I’m a registered sex offender

T:How much do you like president trump with a 1 being you hate his gu-

S1:1.

S2: Is there anything lower than 1

Who do you have for math

…oh I’m not taking Pre-Calc

You’re in AICE Statistics? Are you crazy!

Maybe but I was put in it I didn’t choose it

Was last week the first week of school?

If I had just given birth and someone said aw the baby looks just like you I’d be so offended

S1:He added an E on the end

s2:OH like Tomato

S1: THATS NOT HOW TOMATO IS SPELLED

S2: *gasps* THERES A WIKEPEDIA PAGE ON COFOFEE

T: yes it was a very big deal

S3: anyone can make a Wikipedia page here I’ll make one right now Michael is stupid

S1: you should probably not speak for the rest of class

S1: Michael thought tomato was spelled with an E

S2: what did I ever do to you

S4: He’s just Vibin look he’s sitting in a chair enjoying the view

S3: why are they so small

T: would you like this old white man or this old white man

T2: I asked Mr. [redacted] and Mr.[redacted2] if GenZ still likes tie dye cause I heard it was cool again

S: if Mr. [redacted] thinks it’s cool it is he is a trendsetter

Eat your green bean bean dipstick

Rainbows are gay

I honestly forgot we were juniors that’s scary

S1:I hate it when people go slow on 100 you know you’re going slow when 3 semis pass you

S2:By slow do you mean the speed limit?

S1: yesss no one goes the speed limit on 100

S3: if you’re going the speed limit you’re going to slow that’s what I believe

That’s very scandalous

Yesss

*reveals ankles*

SeXy

Staff member on the announcements: Do not share your drinks and let others drink them this is just a PSA brought to you by common sense

T:Flip a coin it’ll achieve the same thing

S: I have a chuck-e-cheese token

Dave and Busters seems like a better chuckecheese

I’m going to scream at the top of my lungs and they’re gonna be like shut up and I’m gonna do it again

You’re like my dad anytime I get on my computer at home: dO yOuR kHan AcAdEmY sOn

Why did everyone study-

Except you Mark. Dungeons and Dragons.

Dungeons and dragons is a life thing

Wait when did we get doordash

What is the capital of Mississippi

Jackson

No

Yes it is *reaches for other students phone and looks over to prove it*

Someone got uranium and now I’m mad

SANTA

I WANNA SIT ON SANTA

MOVE I WANNA SIT ON SANTA

BUT I WANT TO SIT ON SANTA

Where’s jack

Jack had to ‘get back’

Haha that’s a good one

Thanks I work on those

This parabola and line are following coronavirus protocol

Social distancing

But are they wearing masks?

Or they’re girls and Justin

HEY ok true-

Ah moisture

-Yes the wind is very moisturized it’s not raining just moist wind

singing in the rain

Ugh I hate the squeaks

-squeaks get worse-

Stop it’s annoying

Don’t mention it it makes it worse

I face time in the shower

Really me too

I was joking

Well I do it

*crosses chest*

Yeah chick-fil-a supports that [conversion therapy]

*weakly* eattt moree chickennn

Just look at chicken sandwich

I’m eating zaxbys now

Is it okay if we have a negative number

Is it that bad

It’s Fox News

Our next source is Fox News

Ooh can’t wait to do that one it sounds so fun

Fox News is awful it’s biased

But no ads?

Yeah no ads thankfully *then the ads appear*

*ex-student walks in door*

What in the turtleneck

WOAH ITS A SPIDER I HATE SPIDERS

*everyone backs away*

*holding rabbit*

What is that

What

That

What

That

Those are testicles

Can any chicken lay eggs without a rooster

Yes rylee the rooster just fertilizes it

If you and Ryan were to do it without anything

NO STOP IT PEOPLE ARE LOOKING

There’s a 99.9% you’d get pregnant

It’s not based on how many times you do it there’s a 99% chance you’d be pregnant

S1:The seventh graders are the smallest kids at the school

S2:And the bossiest

S1:Like bruh shut up I could step on you

Oh my god, no way let’s kiss

I’m about to bring my own mini Tabasco bottle

Does the royal family even have a last name

Steven why are you asking a bunch of standard white southerners about the royal family

*aggressively sips water starting into camera at other class we video call to in another school*

*more people join his staring*

Person 1 *wheezing*: those poor kids

Why are they standing on the table

T:The fan.

The Lorax does not approve but I don’t care about the Lorax

[italianfish]

Here’s some things that I’ve overheard recently

- Michael Jackson part 1, before he came around

- That’s a sexy gauge

- We have cones in our eyes??? *Turns to friend* Show me your eyes.

- What’s ROYGBIV? Is that a person?

- I put the jewish inside of him

- The air in my house is polluted with sleeping pills

- One day someone will react to my gay jokes

- One day someone brought a tub of ice cream out of their backpack in the middle of class

- Hey Francis (Talking to a blow up alien)

- Why do you like assholes

- Aladdin doesn’t have nipples

- Support your own god damn neck!

- I saw my friend in the bathroom and he gave me orange juice

- FORM THE EQUATOR!!!

- Yes, indeed my good sir

- Sharing your wealth is the way to become poor

- I’m sorry I don’t have calcium in my body

- Why the pancreas?!

- I watched this show and these characters exploded and it was my favorite show

- Someone is going to lose a pancreas

- A: Don’t lose your pancreas B: I’ll try to hold onto it

- She knew how to multiply! And I was like “You’re only three!”

- Come on Moser, hitting the nut won’t do anything

- I work with a prostitute

- I love crunchy pancakes

- You are a big neon doof

- Look I can spit, I’m cool now

- ‘Ay! Trout!

- In her free time she did her taxes

- Hey! You like Raisin Bran?

- If you get a rooster you’ll be hungry, unless you eat him

- It smells like Hawaii

- If A claims he’s a god and Jesus says he’s the son of god... Does that mean Jesus is A’s son?

- We managed to convince our sub that this was a film and lit class so we watched infinity war all period

- A- So let’s keep the duck B- It’s a vulture...

- Did you just call me fuzzy?

- I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on

- He looks like a punk rock jazz drummer

- A- British! British! B- I HAVE A NAME!

- Stop putting your dog in the oven!

- Did you expect it to be that good of a cactus?

- I relate to Squidward so much

- He was like the dad that left to get cigarettes and never came back

- We’re literally following Marty Mcfly

- My elbows are funky fresh

- A- You shank em’ B- No! That is the exact opposite of a solution!

- Unicorns caused global warming

- A- No balls in class! B- But we’re in health

- The crazy chellos are back

- See! I do have friends!

- It’s a train, a train of love

- A- Why do they keep getting rid of the babies? B- I don’t know, abortion

- You have to earn the bucket hat

- My friend brought in 7 bucket hats

- Hide the forks!

- The turtles tried to cross the road once

- I’m scared of turtles

- So does everyone just carry a sword around in their back pocket?

- When you’re fishing, anyone in a bucket hat has authority

- She has cheese on her hook!

- Are your knee pits moist?

- Why are you molesting me with water

- I was born vaccinated

- I was born to be a little spoon

- Why do I look like a hispanic man

- Can I tickle your knee pits?

- You’re going to get eaten by the ocean

- A- You’re a hot mess B- Hey! At least I’m hot!

- They’ve developed a handshake! Isn’t this a problem?!

- We’re in the OG thirteen colonies

- A- I’m not used to seeing those big grassy structures B- You mean trees?!

- My name is bagged milk

- You only drink bagged milk once, in Canada

- It’s not expensive, you’re just poor

- I forgot I’m a lady

- That’s you after I poop

- I want to be Brazilian

- I figured out what the voice was! They’re playing Bingo

- A- Do “coo coo” B- CAW

- It’s probably in a nice aisle, aisle 9

- So inside the bag there are 3 more bags full of milk

- Mom we got the bagged milk

- He told me I looked like Nicholas Cage

- Her bio says inhale the kale

- I feel like an easy bake oven

- The bags just like, left

- But what about the unicorns

- Look at that potato! That looks free!

- Everyone! Find a piece of metal and lick it

- I’m the toilet man

- Go fetch me grapes

- All girls want to molest this

- He ate a whole pancake out of an Applebee’s dumpster

- Why did he eat turf

- I’m on a mission to find dairy products

- I was going to go to school and pretend to be a witch

- Remember when you put the lotion in my mouth and I drank it?

- We’re playing quarter baseball

- Pretend you’re sleeping

- The ultimate frisbee association

- My mom picked me up from school so I could go to ultimate frisbee practice

- They got a $2000 grant for a barely existing ultimate frisbee team

- She’s ultra mom

- The dodgeball guy called my friend a walrus

- We did a dramatic reading of an adult novel

- He was buying materials to make a whip

- Grate her down like a piece of cheese

- We sat in a circle and named our most Jewish quality

- 4 is the cosmic number

- I hate being a fertile woman

- Excuse me I’m Jewish

- Surprise disco duet

- I shook like 7 tents

- She’s the strings teacher, we keep her in the basement

- Whenever we finished a test and we said “I’m done” he would say “I’m done! You’re finished!” his last name was Done

- I thought the fire hydrant was a turkey

- I asked him if his password was like an anniversary or something and he said “It’s the date of my grandparents death”

- He gives us weekly quantum physics lectures

- Bruh! That looks like a lunchbox!

- No offense but this guy would make out with a floorboard

- You seem like the kind of person to kiss a floorboard

- You sound exactly like my pediatrician

- Lots of poop, no sock

- She’s not doing her work, she’s looking at Peppa pig

- Yo neighbor, I need some sugar

- White moms are really easy to scare

- Even though it’s part of Asia, ITS NOT

- Why was there a hanging waffle?!

- I got complimented on my croissant

- You can sell your liver

- Bernie Sanders reminds me of a muppet

- WHY IS THERE A HELICOPTER IN THE KITCHEN!!!!

- What are you going to do? Hunt squirrels?

- *A bunch of AP students shouting “Linguini”*

- I got bitten by an iguana in Aruba

- We got an actor to join the hammock group chat

- Say goodbye to your ovaries

- I’m half a butt cheek away from death

- Are you one of those people who puts ice cream and pop tarts in a blender

- Yo! You got any shoes I can eat???

- That’s how you segregate your trail mix???

- He has a six pack of ribs

- I’m so done with books about African children

- Do homies kiss

- I’m here for the num nums

- Don’t touch my pizza you savage!!!

- HURRY UP AND MEDITATE

- What are you for Halloween? Jewish?

- Do ducks have tails

- He was the one that broke the constitution

- Oh god now there’s Hitler on my paper

- God given right of ruling... Manifest destiny in China

- Do you shampoo your eyebrows

- This isn’t Bayblade!

- Bob Ross wasn’t an artist, he was an art therapist

- If anyone on the team is a jellyfish, it’s definitely Brandon

- It’s your fault that I’m not going to college!

- I’m having spinach for dinner! I’m so excited!

- I locked him in his toolbox

- Let’s rent a midget for a day and we can throw him against a wall

- I know how to utilize money, but do I know how to utilize it well, that’s another question

- Man, that place needs a Chick-fil-a, and I’m going to make it

- We should have the purge in school one day

- If you’re weird enough, people won’t want to rape you

- Flex seal it with tape

- Oh yeah, I got vinegar all over my sweatshirt

- Don’t say “Have a good day”, because I’m not having a good day

- Well maybe someday you’ll have cancer

- What’s up guys, I’m from Richie’s pizza, and today I’ll be showing you my body count

- An obo sounds like a clarinet with Down syndrome

- I DONT HAVE ANY MARINARA SAUSCE ON ME RIGHT NOW

- WE WILL SMUGGLE OUR KIDS TO AMERICA

- I’m the jolly black giant

- You pissed off a priest

- If we get a lot of money, I can take her boyfriend to prom

- Ted Bundy would share a lot of ideas with you

- They’re doing a milk experiment... But with marinara

- A- That’s not a color! B- But it’s on a crayon!

- Hey what’s up cheese goblin

- I’m letting my toes breathe

- I’m just saying, tinfoil doesn’t taste that bad

- YOURE EATING IT YOU UNGRATEFUL SWINE

- When I was away were you in my house? Because it’s happened before

- How do you say I have scoliosis in Italian?

- I’m gonna give give birth to a duck, right here, right now

- Are you comparing a 3D printed violin to genocide

- I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST BLACK PEOPLE

- Brother from another mother, TELL ME ABOUT THAT

- I’m a vulture, just vulturing

- I’m going on a field trip to the sewage treatment plant on my birthday

- You’re making my vagina angry

- Competitive Just Dance team

- Oh no there’s spaghetti falling out of my pockets!

- (Yoda impression) Take anger out on minorities I must

- I can turn off the lights and you’d still be white

[tivaholic4]

NCIS High School: Chapter Eleven:

The game ended after the overtime quarter (Which means the teams were tied in the fourth quarter and need to determine a winner so they added another quarter to the game.) The score was 68-66. Michael Franks Washington beating Washington High by two points. The people in the stands were screaming and jumping on the bleachers. They had finally beaten their rival. Tony looked around the stands and locked eyes with Ziva. She was smiling brightly at the scoreboard and of the chaos going around the gym. She was looking around at the excitement that was spreading around this room. She locked eyes with Tony and her smile became brighter. He moved over to the bleachers and saw Ziva, Abby, and McGee as well as his parents standing and cheering for his school and their basketball team.

After 10 minutes, things finally started to settle down. Tony and his team moved to the locker room where they all cheered after their win against their big rival. Tony got pats on the back from most of his teammates. He hurriedly gathered his things and changed and left the locker room. As he walked into the hallway he saw Ziva, Abby, and Tim, along with his parents, waiting for him, leaning against the wall talking. He locked eyes with Ziva and started making his way over to her. Um them. As he was walking, a hand grabbed his shoulder and wouldn’t let go. He turned around to see Jeanne standing there with a smile on her face and batting her eyelashes. He yanked his shoulder away from her and started walking towards Ziva and his family again. Her hand gripped his shoulder once more. He turned around, ready to tell her off.

“What do you want, Jeanne?” His voice was filled with venom. Something that Jeanne seemed to ignore.

“Wanna join me at the Sacks’ house for the after-game party? I’m sure we’ll have lots of fun.” Tony gave her a look of hatred. He knocked her hand off his shoulder once more and looked at her.

“Leave me alone, Jeanne. And don’t touch me ever again.” With that, he turned around and walked to Ziva again. Jeanne didn’t make another attempt at him. As he saw Ziva, his glare made its way into a smile. She was sending a glare over in Jeanne’s direction. Something that made his heart flutter. She was jealous. He liked that she was protective of him. He didn't know how much, but he was very protective of her too.

He walked over and his dad gave him a pat on the back. Tony had scored 46 of the 68 points tonight. People would say that it was skill, but in reality, it was the fact that Ziva was there and he wanted to impress her.

“Did you see the look on Jacobs' face when you scored that three-pointer? Looked like he was about to shit himself.” Gibbs laughed. Jenny lightly slapped him in the arm, as they were in a public place and it wasn’t just the family and Abby. There was a beautiful girl standing close to Tony. She assumed that this was Ziva.

“Hi. I’m Jenny Gibbs. Tony’s mother. Excuse my husband, he’s normally a functional mute. At least, until it comes to sports.” Gibbs smirked. Ziva smiled at the love that she could see between the two adults.

“It is very nice to meet you. I am Ziva.” She went to shake their hands which they accepted happily. Gibbs turned to look at her and noticed she looked like someone that he knew. Ziva saw this and turned her head to the side and squinted her eyebrows together. Gibbs. She had heard her father say many things about this man. Manly how stubborn and addicted to coffee he was.

“Gibbs? As in Leroy Jethro Gibbs?” Ziva hesitantly asked, not wanting to seem creepy. Gibbs nodded his head slightly. The family around them could only watch the interaction.

“My father has told me many things about you. Mainly good as you have a strong work ethic. Something my father greatly appreciated when working with you.” Then it clicked for Gibbs and he raised his head to her.

“Eli David was your father?” Ziva nodded.

“Yes sir.” Ziva had always been polite. Something her mother practically branded her into at a young age. She would always say “Nobody will respect you if you don’t show some respect and manners yourself.” It was always something that Ziva took to heart as she believed her mother to be correct.

Gibbs looked at her within hidden emotion. He had heard that Eli David’s remaining family had moved to the U.S. He didn’t expect his oldest son to become smitten with his oldest daughter. He knew how much of a hard-ass Eli was, especially when it came to his family.

“I’m sorry for loss.” Ziva nodded her head, a silent thank you.

“Enough sadness! Let’s go get some ice cream!” Abby yelled. She hated it when people were sad and it seemed like Ziva really didn’t want to have this conversation. Everybody agreed and they made their way out to their separate vehicles. Tony drove his 1969 Mustang and offered Ziva a ride to the ice cream parlor. Tim drove with Abby in his 1970 Audi, something that they always did as they were very close friends and her hot rod was always causing problems. Gibbs and Jenny drove in Gibbs’ Ford F250 as the company charger was normally for too and from work.

Tony and Ziva climbed into the mustang and followed Jenny and Gibbs with Tim and Abby behind them. They made it to Presidential Scoops (actually a real place in Washington D.C.) and went inside. There were many people crowded into the little building that was the ice cream parlor. Many noticed Tony and his varsity jacket and patted him on the back for his job well done in their game tonight. He said thanks but went right back to his conversation with Ziva about some things that she was confused about from the game.

“How hard do you have to hit someone for it to be a foul?” She asked, not wanting Tony to be hurt in this game he found so enjoyable. Tony shrugged.

“Honestly not that hard. If somebody from the other team practically touches you that’s a foul. Sometimes it can be a charge foul, you know where they actually try to hurt you.” Ziva nodded. She had seen one instance when that had happened tonight. Somebody totally nailed Jackson and was called to the free-throw line. The other player was on the bench for the rest of the game.

“So that is why he was on the bench the rest of the game?”

“Well, he had five fouls which means that he couldn’t play in the game anymore.” Ziva’s mouth formed an O shape as she got what he was saying. They ordered their ice cream. Tony got strawberry and Ziva got mint chocolate chip. It was no Berry Mango Madness but it would do. It was actually very good. She turned around and saw that Abby had gotten chocolate and Tim had gotten peanut butter. Surprisingly, there was a coffee flavor that they served, which of course Gibbs got. Jenny got orange sherbert. They all moved to a table outside of the parlor as all the seats had been taken. Many others must have had the same idea as they did as the parlor only became more crowded. They all ate their ice cream together and talked about the game. Ziva’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She didn’t want to take it out of her pocket, not wanting to be rude, but she wondered if it was her mother. She reached behind her and grabbed a hold of her phone and unlocked the screen. It was her mother.

Ima: Where are you, Ziva? You said you would be home after school. It is 8 PM.

Ziva wanted to smack herself on the forehead. How could she forget to tell her mother where she was and what she was doing? But more importantly, who she was with. Ever since Ari was killed, she had been very protective and Ziva and Tali. Not wanting anything to happen to her daughters. When Tali died, she upd the anney, and Ziva had finally reasoned with her to stop hounding her. Even though she knew her mother was just scared for Ziva to be out and about, it was interfering with Ziva’s freedom. She was finally away from the burden of Israel and looked forward to the countless opportunities to be free in this country.

Ziva: I am sorry, Ima. Tony had a basketball game today and he wanted me to come. I met his parents after and we are eating ice cream not too far from the house.

She knew that her mother didn’t trust people and she was surprised that she actually took a liking to Tony so early. I guess that ran in the family as she was quite smitten with him herself. Her mother’s reply came back as fast as she could type.

Ima: I do not want you out too late tonight. We still have boxes to unpack. You still need to get your room situated.

Her mother never liked messes. Especially nowadays. She would clean every Saturday and sometimes every Wednesday when Eli had a drunken fit some nights, and she would fight to put him to bed. Something Ziva was very glad would not happen now. Yes, she missed her father, but he never acted like a father to her only like a sperm donor. He had always shown Tali that side of affection, but when it came to her, it had always vanished as soon as he saw her. She didn’t know what she did to make that spark leave his eyes. She had always tried to please him, but it would go to no avail. Eventually, she had given up seeing as it wasn’t worth her time when all he did was turn his nose up at her.

Ziva: I will be home soon, Ima.

Ima: Will you need me to pick you up?

She looked up and saw that Tony was looking at her with a smile on his face.

“I can take you home. Tell her not to worry her pretty little head about it.” Ziva smiled and let out a chuckle. No doubt this was some of his charm.

Ziva: No. Tony said that he will bring me home.

Ima: Okay. Be careful. I love you, Zivaleh.

Ziva smiled.

Ziva: Love you too, Ima.

Her mother was all that she had left now. She loved her very deeply and knew that her mother felt the same. Just because they moved here from bad experiences, didn’t mean that they had to dwell on them any longer. They had a fresh start and Ziva planned on taking that. Especially with the man, she was sitting next too.

[thehollowprince]

The Mikaelson family 😒. Spoiled Anglo Saxons who have committed countless atrocities but nobody dare hold a grudge or face their self righteous wrath. They literally owned a plantation and treat Marcel (black characters in general) horribly but I'm supposed to? They slaughter and pillage, exploit and manipulate but only their enemies are wrong for the same thing. The Originals aren't even compelling enough to warrant a spinoff, they were unkillable so where's the suspense?

Mikaelson family really was some borderline incestuous, extremely toxic shit. The way Klaus meddled in Rebekah's love life and was especially controlling of her. Throw the whole family away, tbh. They never learn or grow. They act like spoiled brats. Were the Mikaelsons black or brown, they'd have perished much much earlier. Davina was right calling Elijah no better than his siblings. Freya? She was the same. Being shitty runs in the family, I suppose.

____________________________________________________

When I first heard back in the day that they were going to do a spinoff show just about the Originals, I remember asking myself, "How?"

By that point in time, the family was whittled down to three remaining memebers. Mikael and Esther were both dead, as was Henrik, Finn and then most recently, Kol. Of course, by that time as well, the eighth sibling that "died of the plague" was assumed dead as well, long before we knew about Freya. A family of nine was now just three and we're supposed to base an entire show around that, especially when those three can't even stand one another?

Of course, then I watched the backdoor pilot and was even more confused. We were really going with the "Twilight" plot of Klaus' one-night-stand getting pregnant with a magical, miracle baby? And to have that baby mama be Hayley after what she had done to Tyler? But I stuck around because I was intrigued by this character Marcel and the politics of the witches in New Orleans. By that point in time we hadn't seen any semblance of a witch community so it was an interesting concept.

But then as the show kept going on and on, retconning everything we learned about them on TVD, I was getting more and more aggravated.

Stefan and Damon hadn't even heard of the Originals but somehow they very publically "founded" and ran New Orleans for over two hundred years?

And Michael never heard of them until the 20th century?

Elijah talks about Klaus burying his family at sea, only to be revealed to be the one who most often helped dagger his siblings?

Plus, how do you maintain a show with three potentially unkillable leads? Aside from the White Oak Stake, which was out of play for over half the season, there is no way to kill these characters, meaning there are no real stakes involved. I was much more invested in Marcel and Davina and the witch community, and the werewolves when they came along.

That was probably the biggest missed opportunity of the show. Plec and Narducci went on and on about how the theme of this show was Family, but what they meant to say was "blood family". If you weren't related to the Mikaelsons by blood, you were worthless. I mean, take Marcel. Here's a guy who came from nothing, was rescued and raised by Klaus (insert white savoir trope here) and became the leader of the entire vampire community of the city. Less than a century after Klaus and his family were run out of town, he managed to rebuild and lead his community, only for Klaus to stomp back in like an overgrown child and demand that Marcel give back the toys he threw away? Klaus ran, tail tucked between his legs, from New Orleans and never looked back but then has the audacity to be pissed off that Marcel did what he couldn't?

And that's not even getting into Elijah's two-faced hypocrisy, acting the nobleman while being more savage than any of his siblings. Remember when he mocked Lucien and Tristan and Aurora for the pain that he put them through? When he killed Marcel on the off chance he might become a threat, thus leading to the actual threat? When he murdered four teenage girls to restart the Harvest because it was beneficial to his family at that time? Good times, right?

And let's just, for a second, rewind to the issue of Marcel. Here was a character that was supposedly "part of the family", which we know was bullshit from the beginning because he wasn't called Marcel Mikaelson, no, he was Marcel Gerard. They treated him more like a pet than a member of their family and I shouldn't have to go into how gross that is, given the racial issues, especially in the South. And then we had the whole prophecy of the Beast. The moment that Elijah thought he might be a potential threat to this "family" that is more often at each other's throats than getting along, he murdered someone who was supposed to be "like a son" to Klaus. Who he, himself, purportedly loved as family. Like I said, if you weren't a blood relative, you were nothing. Even Hayley was only tolerated because she was the oven in which their Bun cooked.

Side Note: as much as I hated what Elijah did to Marcel, that whole scene leading up to it was my favorite in the entire history of the show. Since season three of TVD, so for five years, across two shows, I was waiting for someone to call the Mikaelsons out on their bullshif and I was so glad that it was Marcel. After everything that family put him through, he deserved to yell at them, to call out their "Always and Forever" crap for the all-purpose excuse they used it as.

But it wasn't just Marcel, Hayley was treated horribly, despite the fact that she was the mother to "their salvation". The fandom in particular treated her horribly, which in turn led the narrative to treat her horribly to appease the fandom, and on and on the cycle went. I had my issues with Hayley, no doubt, but her and Jackson worked really well together, and they both cared about the werewolves so it was a nice storyline. But then Klaus had them all cursed because how dare they try to take away his (not their, HIS) daughter from him to keep her safe from Dahlia. How dare she!

The problem with this show was that we had more than just the Mikaelson Family. We had an excellent found family in Marcel and Davina, and then Josh and Cami and even Vincent. It was right there, but never acknowledged and that is infuriating.

Speaking of Davina, let's get into their treatment of her. The Mikaelsons were notorious for how they treated Davina, as a tool to be used and then tossed aside when no longer useful. The number of times that Klaus attacked this poor girl is outrageous. And for her to die the way she did, sacrificed so that the Mikaelsons could use her to stop an enemy that they created was just disgusting. Especially come the next season when they continued to act like what they had done was totally okay but never actually apologized for it. The words "I'm sorry" never left Elijah's or Freya'a lips.

That was the most astounding thing to me, that they Mikaelsons continuously treated people like literal trash and then were the pikachu meme whenever they turned against them. They constantly played the victim card to their own victims and that is increasingly disturbing, especially given how many people ate that shit up.

And we had, as you said, Klaus' continuous interference into Rebekah's love life, which came off way more as jealousy than brotherly concern (combined with his weird abandonment issues). But that's okay, he got to live out that incestuous fantasy with Aurora, who was so thinly veiled to be another version of Rebekah that it's not even funny.

At the end of the day, I think that's why I loved the Trinity so much. Lucien, Aurora and Tristan were the versions of Klaus, Rebekah and Elijah that I never got. They were the versions of those three that got to be unapologetically villains without the sib story.

I gotta say, though, it was THE ORIGINALS, that finally got me to swear off of The CW. None of the shows I've ever watched on that network were good, especially looking back on them and realizing how fucked up they really were.

[boymommalivingoncoffee]

My son Luke is turning 9 months tomorrow and here's so far what he's been doing at 8 months.

Watching Disney movies with Ryan and I -Moana, Mulan, Tarzan, and Lilo and Stitch

Starting to crawl like a wounded soldier - Lt Dan 🤣

Teething a lot today, thank God for Camilia🙌🙏

Eating Avocado, carrots, chicken, sweet potatos, mashed potatoes, eggs, grape, cheese, popcorn, little pieces of bread, chocolate icecream(only a little I swear 😋)

He'll smack the highchair tray when he's ready to eat lol

I gave him his spoon he ate with when he was done and then he pretended to feed me with it by putting it by my mouth and then wiping it on my lips like I do him 😭😭😍💗💥

Saying hi to Daisy and Mackenzie

Pulling the middle bottom piece toward the buckles of his car seat

Playing with dog food when my back has been turned 😡

Figured out the pull string on his Woody doll from Toy Story

Has slept each night through so far this past week

Has blown a fart with his mouth on my boob while breastfeeding and made himself giggle 😂

Has been sitting up by himself for a little bit more than usual

When he's happy, he'll pop his hips in the air repeatedly and smack his tummy, especially if Michael Jackson is on or Moana songs

He's been actually just staring into my eyes when I hold him and he'll kiss me 💗💥😍😍😍

And he's been doing this for a while but it still makes me happy, he'll smile super big when he sees me first thing when he wakes up

Love my son with all my heart and have been wanting a child for a long time.

All I can tell you is God is good, very very good.

[chimcharstar]

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young. 

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

NO

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows? 

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

no

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof. 

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ 

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

w

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme 

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

:)

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo! 

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

D:

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it. 

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube? 

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE 

[mercerislandbooks]

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

It feels dismissive to lump multiple deaths together, but we only post so many times per month so here I go. I cannot let any more weeks go by without publicly crying virtual tears for the back-to-back losses of Philip Roth, Tom Wolfe, and Anthony Bourdain. These three didn’t need death to glorify their contributions, but the last month inevitably brings their work to the forefront of our minds. At least Roth and Wolfe were well into their 80s, but at 61, Bourdain went far too young. All so different and unique, yet similarly groundbreaking and provocative, the publishing landscape will never be the same without their ongoing contributions.

Acerbic Philip Roth, the Pulitzer Prize-winning New Jersey master of the Jewish-American experience, delivered unmatched social commentary. As a secular Jew (and rabbi’s kid, no less), I brought my own personal baggage to Roth’s pessimistic and conflicting approach to Judaism in America. He pushed my buttons and made me reconsider my own feelings about Jewish American identity. Roth’s voice often embodied the stereotype of a self-loathing Jew, but his humor was the kind our culture understood all too well. I saw his effect on the readers around me, from my college professors to the congregants in my father’s synagogue. He was an unparalleled voice who carved a niche all his own.

The Roth essentials: Goodbye Columbus, Portnoy’s Complaint, The Ghost Writer, Sabbath’s Theater, American Pastoral, The Plot Against America, and Indignation.

Dapper Tom Wolfe had a knack for capturing particular moments in our culture. The white suit was his trademark. His writing style–filled with asterisks, exclamation points, repeating phrases and capitalized words–was equally distinctive. He was a remarkable social observer and satirist, although he stumbled into racist territory on more than one occasion. 

I was working at Simon & Schuster in 2004 when I Am Charlotte Simmons came out and remember thinking how odd it was that the author of The Right Stuff has taken on the subject of sex and status and a small-town girl at an elite college. That book was a disappointment and lackluster compared to his earlier triumphs. I admired him for going after something different and the broad reach of his subject material, but it was also a good lesson to me as a developing reader. Even the most lauded and successful writers don’t know what they’re doing all of the time.

Wolfe feuded with his contemporaries, often trading insults with other heavy-hitting authors including John Updike, John Irving, and Norman Mailer. But you don’t have to like him, or his work, to acknowledge that his death is a major loss. 

The Wolfe essentials: The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, The Right Stuff, The Bonfire of the Vanities, Radical Chic and Mau-Mauing the Flak Catchers, and The Painted Word.

Badass celebrity chef and world traveler Anthony Bourdain changed the way we think about our food. He was a complex character and a superhuman force. There are more wackadoodle stories about Bourdain than I can count. He ate the most disgusting-sounding foods by never shying away from delicacies in other countries. He and his production crew got stuck in Beirut in 2006 when the the Israel-Lebanon conflict broke out and translated the experience into an Emmy award. He made the most random cameos in movies and on television. He had his own publishing imprint. 

If you’re interested in a different side of Bourdain before his food writing took center stage, Bourdain wrote crime noir, a genre he loved. His crime fiction is actually a good window into the real Anthony Bourdain, and one of his favorite crime novels was The Friends of Eddie Coyle by George V. Higgins, a dialogue-driven tale of thieves, mobsters, and cops on the mean streets of Boston. 

Then there’s his love of comics, as evidenced in his now final book already slated for October 2018. Anthony Bourdain's Hungry Ghosts is part horror anthology, part graphic novel, and part cookbook. Who else would know how to mix up that combination?

The Bourdain essentials include Kitchen Confidential, Medium Raw, No Reservations, A Cook’s Tour, and Appetites. 

Roth, Wolfe, and Bourdain leaving this world in such rapid succession took my mind in all kinds of directions. It all seemed so surreal and had an impact on the way I’ve been looking at the bookshelves in our store. 

My 5-year-old son and I often have profound conversations about life, death, and solar systems as I tuck him into bed at night. This week we talked about the ways that people live on after they die. He’s in the middle of a growing fascination with Michael Jackson, so I explained to him that while MJ is already gone, he’s just getting to know him and that’s the great beauty of lasting art. (Caveat: if this kid doesn’t stop acting out the Thriller video and scaring his sisters I might lose it.)

While the curtain has fallen on further work from Roth, Wolfe, and Bourdain, I’m confident that many readers will be making some new friends this summer with some special guys named Philip, Tom, and Tony. At the very least, I’ll take comfort in the fact that we can still hang out with all they left behind.

–Miriam

[coolmintcanadian-blog]

Rules: Tag people you want to know better! Repost, don’t reblog. Original can be found here.

- Name/Nickname: Oliver or Apollo. 

- Star Sign: Leo. 

- Chinese Zodiac: Piggly wiggly. 

- Height: 5′6″-7″  

- Have you ever thought about changing your name? If so, why? I’m in the process of a legal name change right now and it’s for reasons you can figure out on your own. 

- Put your music player on shuffle. What are the first 10 songs that popped up? 

I’ll spare you all the musical theatre. 

1. The Popular Thing - Jukebox the Ghost 

2. Violet - Wild Party 

3. Simple Life - Young Rising Sons 

4. Chasin’ Honey - Wild Party

5. High-Class Low-Life - Apollo 

6. Lone Digger - Caravan Palace

7. Everyday - Buddy Holly 

8. Found/Tonight - Lin-Manuel Miranda & Ben Blatt 

9. Secrets of the Stars - The Milk Carton Kids 

10. Victoria - Jukebox the Ghost

- Grab the book nearest you and turn to page 42. What’s sentence 13? “I found myself wishing he would wake so that I might watch the life return.” - The Song of Achilles, Madeline Miller. Mmmmm Greek Myth revisionism. 

- When was the last time you played air guitar or air drums? About an hour ago because I do theatre. 

- Who is your celebrity crush? I don’t know if I really have celebrity crushes? Maybe Nick Kroll a bit. 

- What’s a sound you hate?  A sound you love? I really hate any kind of mouth sound. If you’re sitting beside me and I can hear you chewing your food I am out. I’m also not great with sustained loud noises? They make me super flinchy. I love the sound of my kitty cats feet padding on the floor when they run to see me, and I also really love the sound of really thin paper being turned in a book. 

- Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I believe in both of them enough not to fuck with them. 

- Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Nope n’ nope. 

- What was the last book you read? The first Percy Jackson book. Fuck me right up with thAT MYTHOLOGY revisionism. 

- What’s a smell you hate?  A smell you love? I hate the smell of fast food restaurants when it’s really hot out? Like, you know. Hot garbage and french fries. A smell I love is the air while it’s raining. 

- What was the last movie you saw? OH, HELLO: ON BROADWAY! Not technically a movie but exactly my niche. Out of curiosity, I went into my Netflix history and apparently the last actual movie I watched was The Prestige in March. Yikes! 

- If the main characters of the last TV show you watched were all that stood between you and a horde of ravenous zombies, how screwed would you be? I finished the entirety of The Office (US) yesterday and I guess that means I just have to hope that it’s Dwight between me and the throng and not Michael. 

- What’s the last thing you ate/drank? I drank some water. 

- What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? I have this long-term thing with a stretched tendon in the middle finger of my right hand because I hold writing utensils like a damn fool. 

- Do you have any obsessions right now? I’m a big fan of McElroy content right now? But I’m not ‘obsessed’ with anything other than my cats, maybe. 

- Do you tend to hold grudges against people who’ve done you wrong? Depends if they were actually an asshole. 

- Are you in a relationship? If so, tell us about it. Nyet, I do not need that kind of negativity in my life. 

[artdjgblog]

​Innerview: Nathan Reusch​ / The Record Machine​​

October 2008

Art: DJG Design

Note: ​Interview ​for a series called "​Where Are They Now?​"​

Over the years we have gotten to work with really great creative people. After doing this for five years we want to give you guys some more insight on who has helped be a part of this label and make it what it is today. First off we have an interview with Danny Gibson of DJG Design. Danny has always been behind the scenes at TRM. He has helped create almost all of our logos and helped us with a lot of art direction and design since the begining. He also designed our very first release for Jame Dean Trio. ​0​1) Introduction I was at the historic first official meeting of The Record Machine held at McCoy’s in West Port of Kansas City, MO over half a decade ago. My say didn’t amount to much. I think my mouth was full as I was mostly positioned to eat free cheeseburgers. ​0​2) How have you been spending your days? My days are spent. Creeping on the Crow’s Feet I find that time is more easily measured in flap jack format than ever before. Something big has always been beaming and beating and I find myself blind peeping to see how far back the dogs with prickly sticks in their mouths yip, kick and nip for my heels. I do beat the crickets up at 5 am Monday thru Saturday in order to pinch a bit back. Evenings and weekends find me down slide sliver squeezes as well. I engage in making things and find some peace through all the pieces with my maker in the act of doing so. The handful of women I share space with enlightenment my walk as well…kitties and wife. Walks are good too and Fall time is the best for comfortable living in Kansas City. ​0​3) Where have you been spending your days or evenings? A bounty of selections from my basement is always on the menu. I’m easily entertained hunched over at my good ol’ door desk. In the mean time I appreciate the company of my wife, kitty hair on my clothes, celebrating all movies, well-tailored music that sometimes requires a third ear and high rise stacks of books and comics. For nourishment I scrape every pan and pot my wife cooks in. And I am the dishwasher. In the twilight occasion, a one scoop waffle cone of peanut butter ice cream at Miami Ice just down the street does me correctly. If I’m in need to see the stars or get away, the family farm isn’t too far off. ​0​4) What has been in your ears? I love big chunks of ear wax. While rockin’ to the thunder that Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band brought at Sprint Center here in KC, I had a big chunk of ear gunk fall out and it was heavenly. I’m really tickled by the musical foundations a fellow basement dweller named Micah Buzan of Blue Springs, MO is cranking out. He is only 18 and one to watch. Other Kansas City area highlights include The Tambourine Club and The ACBs, who both not only crank out some great and fresh music, but are genuinely lovely lads and don’t boast at the art of playing “rock star”. Far out of this area…I’m excited to hear more from Empire of the Sun as the single “Walking on a Dream” is some of the best dance pop I’ve heard since Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” album. Which, I’ve been rattling the rafters with that ’80s gold as well whenever I tire of the Samey So-So’s of most things current. Though, there are a few great new ones and “Evil Urges” by My Morning Jackets is my favorite album so far in 2008. And I can never get enough Bruce Springsteen in my diet. Every day and sometimes every minute of the day calls for a different selection from The Boss’s healthy catalogue. I’m also into the music of Suicide lately. Oh, and I’m quite convinced that Harry Nilsson is one of our finest song craftsmen as a handful of his albums have really been making sense to me and his range is all over the map. ​0​5) What has been inspiring or refreshing to you lately? The work ethic, ideas, passion and output of singer-songwriters Harry Nilsson and Bruce Springsteen gets me going. I finished reading Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road” for the second and one half times and it is gold. I like Michael Chabon’s writing and work ethic a lot too and am spending my second Fall in his books…the same with Flannery O’Connor. In terms of arts and crafts, Saul Steinberg, Henryk Tomaszewski, Eric Carle and Bill Traylor continue to get me to smiling. Oh, and I must hand out an exclamation to fellow maker Ben Chlapek of Neversleeping.com as he is involved with a lot of lovely creations. ​0​6) Earliest Influences that you can think of? Farm Life / Giant Watermelon Patches / Giant Pumpkins / Grandaddy Long Legs / Dead Animals Under Bed / Homemade Stuffed Animals / Taxidermy / Seed Corn Packaging and Farm Implement Logos / Small Town Gas Stations / Uncle Ed’s Horse Drawing Skills / The Seasons / Fireworks / Animals Big and Little / Hunting / Dead Animal Backpack / Grandma Gibson’s Handmade Aesthetics, Checker skills, Sugar Cookies and Salmon Patties / Grandpa Gibson’s Burnt Pancakes and Old Western-Love Story Reading / The Sand Box / Tree Houses and Forts / Popping Asphalt Bubbles in Summertime / Snow Days / Hard Rains / Holidays / Fishing / Camping / Guns and War / Drawing WWII Battles with Dad / Raccoon Wall Paper / Puppets / Anything Jim Henson / Mad Magazine / Mad Balls / Garbage Pail Kids / Dr. Demento / Taping Music Off the Radio / “Live & Let Die” by Paul McCartney & Wings / Mom’s Record Pile / The Beatles / Oldies Music / ‘70s T.V. Theme Tunes / ‘80s Pop Music (Michael Jackson for sure) / Weird Al Yankovic / Ren & Stimpy / Pee-Wee’s Playhouse / Saturday Morning Cartoons / “Gummi Bears” / Comic Books / Tractor Pulls / Big Foot (Creature and Monster Truck) / “Star Wars” / “The Swiss Family Robinson” / “James Bond” / “Indiana Jones” / “Rambo” / “Commando” / “Batman” (Tim Burton) / Going to the Movies / Pizza and Tacos / Soda Pop / Flavored Frozen Pops / Kick Ball / Grandma Dayton’s Spaghetti / Racking Leaves and Riding to the Dump with Grandpa Dayton / Sports (Michael Jordan for sure) / Sports Team Mascots / Sports Stadiums / Collecting Sports Trading Cards / Skyscrapers / Cake and Ice Cream / Late Nights at Best Friend Ean’s Funeral Home House / “…red and yellow, black and white they are precious in his sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world.” / Being Alone / Cutting and Pasting / Falling Off a Slide, Hitting My Head and Blacking Out in Kindergarten ​0​7) Best thing you have seen on a little or big screen in a while? P.T. Anderson’s “Punch-Drunk Love” is my favorite movie and I just took my 8th dip with it. My favorite 2008 movie and the best rockumentary ever so far is “Young @ Heart” and close behind for top of this year is “Be Kind Rewind” and “Son of Rambow”. This Fall and Winter look to boast one of the finest crops of films…I’m highly anticipating “The Road”, “The Wrestler”, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, “Synecdoche, NY”, “The Changeling” and many others. Other great watches of late (old and new) include “The Tin Drum”, “Hoop Dreams”, “It’s A Wonderful Life”, “The Wicker Man” (1973), “Sorry, Haters”, “The Seven Year Itch”, “The Cars That Ate Paris”, “Don’t Look Now”, “Dark Days”, “Rat Catcher”, “The King of Kong”, “Alice”, “Dear Wendy” and “The Band’s Visit”. On the small screen, “Planet Earth” is mind-blowing worship that demands for me to invest in a projector for the future. In T.V. Land this summer I discovered and fell in love with “Beauty & The Geek”. I’m excited for the cool new sci-fi show with cool typography called “Fringe” and another season with the excellent “How I Met Your Mother”. Currently I’m backtracking through the entire series of “Sex & The City” and am absolutely loving it and can’t wait to get the movie! Oh, and the live Broadway production of “The Drowsy Chaperone” is gold genius and made me cry. ​0​8) Last best show you have been to? Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band in Kansas City on August 24, 2008. It is the best show I’ve ever seen, even better than two previous Boss concerts. Sprint Center is now officially called Spring Center. I can’t wait for the Super Bowl half-time… ​0​9) Any links to things you want to pass along? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYwhvD2-fYw 10) The Final Word? (one word only please) GRILLEDCHEESETOMATOSOUP -djg

[bubblemagician]

BELATED THING FOR PEPPER

@sweetredbeans

“Alright, everyone fine with the plan? Any questions?” Roy looked to the faces of the other Sinlings at his desk for any hesitation or doubt.

“Yeah” Luci raised his hand “Where’s Miss Zel?”

“Mom’s gonna stay at the station, they’re busy patrolling and stuff anyway” Miles answered. Roy nodded at his words and Luci sat back.

“Alright, one last time just in case-” the teens all groaned audibly but Roy ignored them “The Masquerade starts at 6ish, we all eat, drink, and make our presence WELL KNOWN… then at eight thirty on the DOT we switch out our masks with our designated decoys. Everyone, name your decoy.”

“Harley Jo” Marie answered first.

“Mr. Freak” Miles said, rolling his eyes.

“Papito!” Luci smiled, showing his razor sharp fangs.

Roy pursed his lips “Um, Luciel, I thought you were gonna switch with Uncle Trav?”

“I WAS going to, but Papito wanted to help out this year” and then the tiniest glimmer of red shone in the teens teal-lavender eyes “Is that a problem?”

Roy contemplated arguing his perfectly thought out plan but decided against it “Fine. Adriel, who’s your - Addy?”

Adriel was scratching the back of his hands like it was on fire, but immediately stopped at Roy’s question. “Huh? oh Dad. Dad is gonna switch with me.”

“Right… are you feeling OK, Addy?”

“He’s been doing that ALL day” Marie piped up, crossing over to the half demon and taking his hands and bringing them to her face, examining them closely

“I’m fine” Addy blushed in embarrassment “I’m ok really - I don’t think it’s anything serious.

"You sure, Addy?” Roy asked in concern, taking his other hand. The half demon squirmed at the two Pridelings’ forwardness.

“Yeah, I’m ok!” he insisted.

“… alright.” Roy let go of him and shooed Marie back.

“OK so I switch with Mr Face who already told me he can put makeup to look like me. Eight Thirty we give our masks and costumes to our decoys, then nine o’ clock EXACTLY Luci, Miles, and I will go to the Graveyard and portal to the meeting place. Addy and Marie, you two will teleport from the kitchen. Our decoys will go mingle with everyone in our place while we hunt… we come back at 11:30… put our costumes back on and take off our masks at 12. It’ll be flawless. We have the perfect alibi in case we get suspected. Which we won’t.” Roy murmured “We just gotta stick to the plan.”

Marie put a reassuring hand on Roy’s shoulder and squeezed it “Your plan is perfect, everything will work out. You’ve never failed us before, and you never will, Roy-bro”

Roy inhaled the compliments and took his sister in a one armed hug “I love you, Marie”

Miles made an immature retching sound but was punched quiet by Luci.

“Ok, we all know our positions, does anyone need another recap-”

“NO!” The teens all answered. Roy gave everyone a sheepish smile.

“Ok then… Adriel, are you sure Tavros said he didn’t want to come with us?”

Adriel had been itching his hands again but looked up “Wha- oh yeah no. He specifically told me he doesn’t need to… hunt”

Marie bit her lip “But he IS gonna come by for the party at least, right?”

Addy smiled kindly at Marie “I’m sure he wouldn’t wanna miss seeing you.”

“Wouldn’t wanna miss seeing the END OF MY KNUCKLES you mean!” Miles said in indignation “I swear to God if he tries anything funny this year-”

“Shut UP, Miles!” Marie screeched, face burning tomato red “That wasn’t- I was the one who- just shut up, God!”

“Marie, Miles, cool it” Roy spoke in a firm tone, though his own fist was clenched under the table. The blond head of the household cleared his throat. “We have a long Halloween night ahead of us. Go and get ready everyone, and stick to the plan. And remember”

He stood up and pecked each person’s cheek “I love all of you”

“Gay” Miles scrunched up his face, rubbing his cheek vigorously.

“YOU’RE gay” Luci stuck his tongue out at the Miles, then licked his other cheek. Miles made a sickened face before lunging at the Wrathling. Luci gave Miles a wicked grin before tearing out the room in a purple flash, leaving Miles to crash to the floor.

“Don’t be so immature, Miles” Marie rolled her eyes, helping up her younger brother. Miles begrudgingly took her hand, muttering about getting Luci back later.

“Oh shush, let’s get you in costume, your highness.” Marie lead him out as he sulked. Adriel was STILL itching.

“You sure you’re ok, Addy?” Roy repeated, eyeing the symbols on the half demon’s hand. “Has this happened before?”

“Uh no. But don’t worry about it Roy, I’m ok!” He waved at the older boy and teleported back to his father’s factory.

~

The Sinlings had all dressed up in costumes and gave each other knowing looks as they danced and chattered and ate the first few hours of the masquerade party. The theme was ‘The Eighties’ and 'Thriller Michael Jackson’ Adriel kept an eye out for the others as he ate his fourth plate of choco-bomb brownies and loaded nachos.

“Enjoying yourself?” a red-haired girl asked, stealing a handful of chips off his plate. He obviously recognized the pleasant scent of Marie despite the wig and 'Pretty in Pink’ costume and mask she wore.

“I am, the brownies are really good” Addy scratched his hand and managed to steal one chip back. “Is Tav here?”

“Um, I think that’s him” she pointed out a snoozing Luke Skywalker- with the giveaway silver hair. “We should probably let him sleep-”

BOOM

They were interrupted by a masked Marty Mcfly creating a flashy tear portal right in the middle of the hallway to the gasps and cheers of the numerous teenagers.

“Luci! ugh Roy SAID to keep low too!” Marie huffed and ran to grab the boy’s ear and drag him off. Addy chuckled at the Wrathling getting told off by the family Princess. He looked at his watch.

Nearly time. He levitated SLIGHTLY off the ground to flawlessly moonwalk backwards into the hallway back to the kitchen area.

“Excellent dancing, Adriel” Red grinned, catching his son’s moves as he entered the kitchen.

Addy gave a flustered wave of hand “It’s not that difficult for me to do”

Red nudged his son and started to help him take off the shiny vinyl costume.

In a few minutes Red was wearing thr Michael Jackson outfit, and had even put temporary pink chalk streaks in his hair to match his son.

“Do you have my gloves, Dad?” Gloves were a MUST for Sinlings. Unlike their fathers, they had fingerprints and very traceable DNA. Red handed over a Ruby red pair to his son and Adriel pulled them on before taking off his mask to give to his father. He quickly got into a simple black shirt and jeans- nothing too noticeable and built to blend in.

“Thanks Dad! Just gotta wait for Marie-”

Marie appeared just as he spoke, wearing similarly muted colors next to Harley Jo now in the wig and pastel dress.

“Hey Harl!”

“Hi Addy, Mr. Red” she nodded to both of them, adjusting the red haired curls over her head. “You guys ready to go?”

“Yes.” Marie took Addy’s side, putting on a pair of pink gloves. “ Harley looked silently at the two Gluttony offspring.

"Just be careful, ok?”

They nodded to her. Red gallantly held his arm out to Harley to take, patting her head. She gave him a small smile and they left back to the party.

Marie and Adriel kept their eyes glued to the clock on the wall. 8:59 and Adriel turned to Marie.

“Ready?” he held out a hand to her. A pink gloved hand took his and gave a firm squeeze. Addy nodded and in a silent second they were standing at a dark back alley.

“Wow, that was quiet” Marie whispered, letting go of him “Luci’s is kinda loud”

Addy shrugged “I guess it’s a demon thing?” he couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit upset that his powers weren’t nearly as flashy as the Portal child’s.

“I like it” Marie patted his arm “It’s good for stealthy-sneaky stuff”

Adriel smiled, rubbing the back of his palm again. Marie raised a brow.

“Are you having an allergic reaction or something?”

“I don’t think so… don’t worry about it, it’s just an itch, we need to get to the meeting point.”

Marie held out a hand to stop Adriel from moving.

“Addy, if something is wrong, we can call off the hunt. It’s ok, we’ll figure out another hunt-”

“No!” Addy’s voice was an insistent whisper “Roy spent forever planning this! I don’t want to be the one to ruin it!”

“Adriel.” Marie turned around to face him straight on, her eyes a gentle but serious midnight blue and she took his face firmly in her pink gloves “You aren’t 'ruining’ anything. You’re our family and we all look out for each other. You’re just as important as any of us Sins and if you are having a problem or need help then you HAVE to tell us. That’s what family is for, right?”

Addy hesitated, wishing he could look somewhere else. If the Princess wanted something, she usually got it, there was no refusing her. He tried not to squirm, but he knew Marie had no intention of letting him go.

“Alright… alright if it hurts anymore we’ll go straight to Roy.”

“You promise?”

Oh perfect, she KNEW he couldn’t get out of a promise. With a resigned sigh he was about to cave in to her royal Pink-ness’s demands.

“1.21 GIGAWATTS!”

Luci’s high voice seemed to be even louder in the evening. Marie quickly let go as they saw the flash of the portal.

“Let’s go!” Marie released the half demon and rushed towards the source of the light.

Adriel was grateful for the interruption. He didn’t need blood that often, but Miles and Luciel, despite being the youngest of the half-Sins, needed blood frequently. A single missed hunt and everyone else could manage but the terrible twosome would grow weak and sick almost instantly. And Miles didn’t have the luxury of teleporting or traveling through the void. The Andrews were exactly half human- with no powers, AND traceable DNA.

Luci was probably too young to understand and the Pridelings would NEVER admit it, but Addy knew just how vulnerable the three were. But like Marie said, they were family. He would do everything and anything to help Roy and Marie and Miles, and any of the other Sins.

Including ignoring this dumb itch.

He ended up just taking off his gloves- the velvet was just irritating his skin.

“Oh, wow, Addy look!”

Marie had stopped her stride to point up at the night sky. Addy blinked and looked up.

The moon was a deep red crescent. Crimson clouds were hiding the stars, only the dull glow of the scarlet moon illuminated the sky.

“A blood moon on Halloween, it’s like a cliché horror movie- Addy?”

Adriel had gone absolutely still, looking up at the moon. He couldn’t move his gaze from the luminous red sphere.

It beckoned.

“Addy” Marie’s voice was tensed as she noticed his entranced state. “Addy what’s going on… we need to meet Roy…”

And to her shock she noticed the seals on his hands melt off completely. Addy’s nails began to elongate, the red gloves falling to the ground.

“Addy! Is this a demon thing!? Snap out of it!” Marie scooped up the gloves “Addy, listen to me!”

But Adriel stared up blankly at the crimson crescent. His head was pounding painfully but he couldn’t look away. His blue green eyes started to cloud over into bright pink glowing orbs and his features tensed up as the pain seemed to pressurize on his temples, his shoulder blades, his lower back. It was agonizing but the moon- the blood red Hallow’s Eve moon- it beckoned, it SUMMONED.

And in a second he was gone.

“ADRIEL” Marie screamed. But only a ripped black shirt remained.

~

“We should redo the incantation, maybe the timing wasn’t right-”

A group of robed adults wearing animal skull-like masks stood around a circle in a clearing in the middle of the woods. The circle itself was made of suspicious red ink with unsettling Latin symbols in the center.

Looks like SOME people were taking Halloween a little too seriously.

But as the 'leader’ spoke he was interrupted by gasps from the cult.

Standing dead center in the circle was a creature. It seemed to have a human face and body, save for the fact that it had two large leathery black wings protruding from its back. A pointed black tail was visible from its back and sharp horns stuck out on either side of its head. Talon like claws dug into the ground as it gnashed its dagger like teeth, reminiscent of a shark. But the most frightening of all.

It’s gaze. Large blank jewel-like eyes blazing in a hot pink glare devoid of anything but the urge to CONSUME.

“Demon s-summoned on the Eve of Samhain - I speak thy n-name and to us you w-will grant favor…” the man gulped “…Beelzebub”

“Sssorry” the young demon replied with a wicked smirk “Wrong number” And he jumped on the man and biting straight into his neck.

The remaining cultists screamed, but Adriel Altaha was too fast. Slitting one’s throat, clawing out the heart of another, suffocating a third with his newly sprouted tail… The taste of the entrée was only as good as its preparation and Adriel was eager to partake in this feast of Sin. Sure, the blood was mostly Greed and Envy, but food was food to the Glutt child and he’d take all of it and more, regardless of how it tasted-

What was that SMELL??

Adriel dropped the limp body of the human in his arms and sniffed the most mouthwatering aroma wafting towards him. All things sweet and savory and DELICIOUS were assaulting his senses, beckoning him to follow…

“ADDY!” Marie had rushed into the clearing in a panic “Addy, I was looking everywhere-”

And her large blue eyes widened at the beast in front of her.

“Addy…” she tried to keep her voice even as the demon appraised her with pure HUNGER “Addy it’s ok… we’ll go back to your Dad… we’ll fix this, ok? You’re fine, everything will be fine…”

Adriel prowled towards her, tail swishing, talons poised, unreadable pink jewel eyes trained only on the sweet, sweet body containing the most gluttonous heart of Sin after himself.

He lunged at her with every intention of satisfying the unquenchable famine within.

Marie shrieked and punched the demon in the neck. Addy hissed but he was unphased, trying desperately to sink his fangs into her flesh.

“Addy, get OFF I don’t want to hurt you!” Marie struggled attempting to hold his neck to keep his razorlike fangs away.

Adriel only hissed, newly acquired wings knocking her down. He pounced on her, claws digging into her shoulders. Marie cried out in pain as deep cuts appeared on her forearms and the scent of Gluttony filled the air.

Adriel felt intoxicated with the aroma. Still holding down his prey, he couldnt help but lick up his claws-

Pure ambrosia burst in his mouth. Drink of the heavens, strawberry smoothies, cherry syrup, cake batter ice cream- nothing, NOTHING tasted as amazing as the Sin dripping down Marie’s arms. He buried his face into her shoulder and sucked the crimson Manna out of her flesh.

Marie gritted her teeth, bracing for the pain and keeping absolutely still. She wasn’t a fighter. Zel had taught all of her children basic self defense techniques, but the half demon/Sin was a lot more powerful than anything Zel could have prepared her for.

She HAD to find a break in the assault to get away. Luckily, he was distracted by her dripping wounds, and the Princess in training swiftly kneed up his groin. Adriel howled, dropping to the ground in pain

“Sorry Addy!” That was the one no-no move she wasn’t allowed to use on her brothers or any other boy. But she was sure Mom and everyone else would understand, Addy was out of control right now. She grabbed his… tail? while he was in agony and tied his wrists together with it, stepping on his chest to keep him down.

“I’m gonna call Roy…” and the loss of Sin and blood was starting to get to her as she attempted to keep steady “we need to get you home…”

She could barely stand as precious Sin dripped down her arm. Adriel hissed and writhed underneath her, she lost balance instantly. So weak…

Adriel was attempting to disentangle himself, so Marie had only minutes before he was after her again. She raised her head and noticed a half conscious cult freak attempting to get away, blood flowing from a long gash down his or her back

“Get here…” Marie stood up, the smell of the blood awakening her own inner beast. In a second her lips attached to the wound as the person begged for mercy.

“You’ve been-” slurp “absolved of Sin.” Marie said in between gulps of blood. “You are purified”

Roy was better at making people feel comfort in their last moments, but Marie HAD to feed quick to make up from her still open wounds. The person breathed their last but not before Marie extracted every last bit of Gluttony within. Satiated, she dropped the corpse and turned back to Adriel, just as he released himself.

“Adriel, stand down!” The princess commanded “I don’t know what’s wrong, but you need to snap out of it now!” She stood firm and unafraid, invigorated by her hunt.

“Let me… tassste” Adriel hissed, advancing towards her with impossible speed-

“GREAT SCOTT!”

A ball of lightning struck the demon teen in the back and Adriel finally crumpled to the floor. Miles and Roy looked in shock, Luci having sent the attack just in time.

“Marie!” Miles raced to his sister and clung to her like a child “You’re hurt! Roy, MARIE IS HURT!”

Roy’s eyes snapped off of Adriel and he joined his siblings. “What happened?! Lu, make me some bandages Stat!”

“I’m okay” Marie waved her uninjured hand, patting Miles fluffy raven locks “I don’t know what happened to Addy, he just suddenly… turned into THAT”

Luci offered Roy the void dressings, and the Prideling quickly patched up his sister. The four turned back to Adriel.

“Those were… Sin eyes, right?” Luci whispered, staring at the luminous pink orbs still glowing under the closed eyelids in place of Addy’s usual happy teal eyes “I think my father used to have a red one…”

“He did” Roy answered. The teenagers stared at the unconscious demon. This definitely wasn’t part of Roy’s plans.

“Miles. Luciel.” the leader spoke finally “I want you both to feed up. Luci, you take Marie and Miles back to the Mansion and send Mr. Red here.”

“Youre not staying here alone!” Marie interjected “Adriel is being crazy right now, it’s not safe!”

“We can’t just leave him out here alone.” Roy answered calmly. “It’ll be fine Marie, he’s knocked out.”

“Then I’m staying with you!” Miles insisted.

“No, Miles. Head back to the party, just like we planned.”

“Roy it’s… it’s really not safe. Demons can be… scary” The portal child added.

Roy looked at his brother, sister and Luci’s faces. All betraying worry and concern and fear.

“Listen you three. We need to get Mr. Red here without arousing any suspicion, and this is the only way I know how without endangering the people I love most”

He looked up at them, large blue puppy dog eyes

“Marie Andrews. Miles Andrews. Adriel Altaha. Luciel Hess. Oh and Harley and Tav too. And Mom. And Uncle Travel. And Mister Zero and Mister Face and Mister Red and Mister Dodge and Mister Freak-”

“We get it!” Miles rolled his eyes. Roy cleared his throat

“What I mean is… I’m leader. And protecting all of you is my first priority over anything.”

“We want to protect you too, Roy” Marie answered in a small voice.

“I’m not going back without you, you can’t make me.” Miles answered stubbornly.

“Me too… and I don’t wanna leave Addy neither” Luci piped up.

Roy stared at all of them in contemplation.

“Fine. Go and hunt, we’ll all get back to the Mansion together, can you handle that, Luci?”

“No hay problema!” Luci flashed his fangy smile at Roy.

“There are more of these creepo cultists around here, they seem pretty sinful to me” Marie nodded to the woods where they must have gone. Roy looked at Miles, then Luci.

“Don’t leave any witnesses” Roy answered seriously.

“RACE YA!” Miles shoved Luci, then ran straight into the woods. Luci growled in sudden rage and raced in after him.

Roy watched them before turning back to Adriel’s unconscious form. He had the same baby face and freckles all the Sinlings inherited, looking so out of place over the demonic body.

Marie stayed next to Roy, taking a black gloved hand in her pink.

“He’ll be ok hopefully…”

Roy nodded in silence. Despite the Pride within telling him the exact same thing, he couldn’t help but feel disappointed in himself. Addy was hurt, Marie had gotten hurt. All on his watch.

He was the leader of the Sins. He PROMISED Daddy he’d always protect the family, he was the man of the house now.

And he let this happen…

Marie couldn’t sense the drop in Sin as a Glutt child, but as a sister she knew exactly what was going on in Roy’s head.

“Aw Roy- bro” she gave him a one armed hug “It wasn’t your fault, it was an accident. You’re an amazing leader, you’re smart and fun and focused and determined to keep us all healthy.”

Roy couldn’t help but relax as his little sister boost him up. He was about to reply when Luci’s signature BANG flashed in front of him.

“Hey Doc!” The pre-teens mouth was covered in a mess of blood, eyes rimmed in red and almost deliriously happy in Wrath. “I feel like I could go beat up a BEAR!”

Marie gave a small shriek at the mess on the smaller boys face before grabbing him to scrub him clean. Luci struggled to get out of her grip but no way was the Princess letting that abomination back into her pristinely tidy house.

Roy looked around for Miles, who came out the woods, dragging a limp body out into the clearing before dumping it in front of Roy.

“For you. Cuz, y'know. I don’t want it.” He mumbled.

Roy stared at the Pride-riddled body in front of him, then looked up at his brother.

“Miles I love you SO MUCH” he grabbed the boy and smothered his face in a million kisses everywhere he could reach.

“Get off this is so GAYYYYYY!!” Miles fought tooth and nail to get out of his brother’s love-lock, but it was futile. Finally he managed to break free and ran to Marie.

“Quick, quick get the cooties off!!”

Roy smiled before swiftly turning to feed off his prey.

Moments later he wiped the blood off of his face and rejoined the others, standing vigil around Adriel’s demonic body.

“We’ll have to carry him through… Luci, get us to the balcony, I don’t think anyone will be up there.”

“Roger that!” Luci nodded. The Wrathling tore open a shining portal, holding it for the others. Marie and Miles stepped through, and Roy moved to lift Addy’s body in his arms. He moved towards the hole in the void to the black balcony on the other side trying not to disturb the demon, but Adriel snapped awake.

“LET ME GO!” Adriel hissed suddenly in a voice that wasn’t his own. His wings struck Roy’s head and the blond dropped him.

“Addy!” Luci attempted to grab him, but he only slashed at him with his claws. He turned his gaze once again on Marie and launched himself at her.

“NOT MY SISTER!” Miles tackled Addy down before he could reach the girl. Roy and Luci ran to help him.

“Marie! Get out of here, go get Mr. Red!”

Marie rushed into the Mansion as Miles and Luci attempted to get a hold on Adriel. They were no match for the half demon who easily threw them off. But the boys were persistent in running back into the fray, keeping him occupied as Roy desperately tried to think of a plan.

“Addy, it’s me! It’s Luciel!” Luci attempted to reason with Addy before getting knocked into the balustrade. “C'mon, you know me, I’m you’re favorite cousin!”

“I’m his favorite, poser!” Miles interrupted, jumping on Addy and attempting to hold off his wings.

“Shut up, we BOTH like the color Red! I’m his favorite” Luci stuck his tongue out at Miles as he wrestled with Addy’s tail.

“Guys quiet-” Roy tried to hold the demon down “someone will hear-”

“OH MY GOSH, EVERYONE LOOK AT ALTAHA’S COSTUME!!”

Miles and Luci looked helplessly at Roy, his warning was a second too late as a small crowd gathered in the Sins garden under the balcony. Adriel stopped struggling to smile wickedly at the fresh scent of Sin from the humans below…

“Addy…Addy don’t do this!” Roy whispered a plea “Please… I know you’re in there somewhere, you gotta control this thing, it’s not you!”

But Adriel threw off the Sin boys once more and spread open his bat wings, Gluttonous pink eyes trained on the numerous prey gathered underneath him, poised to dive straight into the crowd.

“Adriel!” Red’s voice called out in a firm tone, teleporting onto the balcony. He’d taken off the Michael Jackson getup, balancing on the rail as he grabbed Addy’s wrist.

“Mussst hunt!” Addy growled at his father, attempting to swat him away. Red was more than prepared as he clapped an iron bangle to the boys hand.

Addy hissed in pain and the crowd below gasped. Red didn’t waste a second before tabbing his wrist and marking him with the seals. Slowly but surely Addy ceased his battle, wings weakening, claws retracting into normal nails…

He fell out the sky onto the crowd below. The party going teens screamed and ducked for cover.

But Red teleported to his son and proofed them away.

There was a heavy silence, Roy watched with bated breath, unable to figure out how to explain what just happened.

“… AWESOME SPECIAL EFFECTS!”

“THAT WAS SICK, IT LOOKED SO REAL!”

“THIS WAS THE BEST HALLOWEEN EVER!”

Roy couldn’t help but breathe easier at the cheers and compliments of the crowd. Luci gave an irritated sigh, clearly annoyed with the peppy crowd who didn’t realize what was going on, and Miles, of course, basked in the attention.

“Let’s get inside” Roy murmured, putting a hand on both the boys’ shoulders and leading them back into the Mansion. It was already pretty late, they’d have to swap out with the others really quick if they wanted to avoid suspicion. Midnight would come, they’d send their guests home, and hopefully Addy would be ok by then…

~

Addy suddenly gasped for air as he jolted up from his bed.

“Addy… how do you feel?”

“Dad?” he blinked up at his father, emerald eyes watching him closely.

“I’m a little sore…” he stretched out, his back and head (devoid of wings and horns) looking normal but feeling strange. He looked down at his hands, fresh seals over them.

And he clapped a hand to his lips as he suddenly remembered the events of the past few hours.

“Marie! Is she hurt?? Please tell me she’s not too bad” he swallowed the bile in his throat with guilt and dread.

“She’s fine. I managed to fix her up” Red nodded to his son, placing a gentle hand on the boy’s shoulder.

Adriel leaned onto his father “I didn’t mean it” a dry sob echoed through his body “I couldn’t stop myself, I couldn’t think”

“It wasn’t your fault, Adriel. That much witchcraft in a concentrated summoning would break any demon’s seal”

“But I didn’t stop!” tears filled his teal eyes “It wasn’t just the demon stuff… I didn’t stop after hunting them- I was full but- I wanted- I wanted-…”

“Shh, Addy, you’re exhausted-”

“More. I wanted more.” Adriel clung to his father, trying to internally shield himself from what he’d done “It wasn’t enough - It’s never enough! And now… now everyone hates me”

He finally broke down, sobbing into his father’s arms. It was true, the others wouldn’t want anything to do with him, not after he’d ruined everything.

Red just stroked his son’s pink and raven hair, at a loss of what to say. The father and son just held each other in silence and sadness.

There was a gentle knock at the door.

Addy wiped his eyes and shook his head 'no’ at Red, but Red already spoken a “Come in”

A silver haired Luke Skywalker quietly stepped inside.

“Addy? Are you feeling okay now?”

“Tav”

Red stood up and teleported out to give the teens their space. Tavros quietly took Red’s place on the bed next to Addy.

“I was asleep, but everyone keeps talking about it”

“You mean how I turned into a monster and hurt everyone?”

Tavros looked up at him with his unreadable lavender eyes “No. The awesome special effects.”

Adriel felt like crumbling again. “Tav I attacked the others, I injured Marie!”

“We all make mistakes”

“I could have KILLED her! You weren’t there! I was unstoppable, I could have killed her and the guests and everyone!”

“But you didn’t” Tavros answered simply.

“Tav, you don’t understand I was completely feral-”

“And the others looked out for you.” Tavros replied again. “Right?”

“Yeah, but-”

“Adriel I don’t know… I don’t know much about what you guys do. But I do know that I can trust you. Roy… knows that too.”

Pale purple eyes looked seriously at Adriel “You need to trust him back”

“Why wouldn’t I trust him, he doesn’t turn into a hell beast…”

“Trust him” Tav repeated “He wouldn’t let you do something you’d regret. Even if you become a 'hell beast’”

Adriel paused, not knowing how to answer that.

Their quiet was once again interrupted with a flash as Luci ripped straight onto his bed

“ADDY! Addy are you OK now?!” The preteen whispered loudly, taking both Addy’s hands and squeezing them tight.

“Yes Luci” He gave the boy a half hearted smile to appease him. Luci gave his signature 'serial killer smile’ back.

“Good, because that was AWESOME! Can you do it again??”

Tavros quietly stood up to leave, finding the youngest Sinling too loud for his tastes as Luci talked.

“You looked MUY bien! Those wings were awesome, next year Imma dress as you!”

Addy felt the corners of his lips curve at the boy’s enthusiasm, despite going feral demon the last thing he ever wanted to do.

“I don’t know if we should do that again, Lu, it was dangerous.”

“You mean 'Heavy.’ ” Luci quoted Marty Mcfly “This is HEAVY.”

He listened to Luci chatter about the hunt and how 'cool’ he looked and how he couldn’t wait till the next one. Luckily he was cut short by the scent of the Pride boys finally arriving at Red’s factory. In a moment the door burst open.

“Addy, I’m your favorite cousin, right?” Miles asked before anyone could get a word in.

Luci glared at the other boy, eyes gleaming in red “I am his favorite and you know it”

“Both of you outside, please” Roy said firmly. Miles stuck his tongue out at Luci and rushed out, Luci hot on his heels after him.

“How’s Marie?” Addy asked.

“She’s asleep. It was nothing too serious, your dad did something to make it stop bleeding right away” Roy replied.

“Oh, that’s good.” Addy didn’t know what else to say. “Roy… I’m - I’m really sorry…”

“Aww Addy” Roy went up to him and engulfed him in a stinky hug.

“I ruined your whole plan-” his voice wavered, tears threatening to return.

“Well, you did miss the meeting area and we ended up going after different targets instead and Mom said they’re writing it off as an animal attack but that’s actually really good because no one will suspect us. Not that anyone WOULD suspect us we all got into costume right away and they just thought that you wore a vampire costume instead of a Zombie from Michael Jackson but it’s still-”

“Roy, I’m really really sorry!”

“Hey,” Roy smiled his genuine, perfect sunbeam of a smile “We’re all safe. And I just need to plan for demon worshippers for next time.”

“I don’t…” Addy swallowed “I don’t think I should come next time”

Roy’s blue eyes widened in disbelief “What?!”

“It’s dangerous… and you don’t - you don’t REALLY need me to hunt with you guys…”

Roy let go of Addy and stood up, this time the resemblance to his mom was uncanny.

“I really DO need you to hunt with us. Dangerous or not, you’re a Sin and you’re our family and we stick together and protect each other. No matter what. No. Matter. What.”

Adriel nodded meekly under the Leader’s gaze. Roy gave an approving nod before continuing.

“I love you Adriel. We all do. And next time my plan will be even better and we’ll collect even more Sin and we’ll do a better theme because the 'Eighties’ are kinda dated and barely anyone got our references and Luci was a little too loud and plus we forgot to be Ghostbusters-”

Adriel leaned his forehead to Roy’s mouth, effectively quieting him. He embraced Roy, knowing that the elder truly would always be there for him. No matter about demons or feral behavior, or failed hunts or crazy parties. Roy would always love him.

“I love you too”

[infinitehours]

Chapter 1

This fic is based off of The Haunted Mansion “Story and Song from the Haunted Mansion” audio.  It will also be based deeply off of my first impressions of the ride itself when I was a kid going on it those first few times in my life.

Also, if you’re wondering why there isn’t much description on our two main mortals, it’s because I felt it best to leave that up to the imagination (there was never much description in the original either).  I know I can’t get away without descriptives for every character though, so I’m not going to try for that, but hopefully it wasn’t too jarring.

~~~

Trigger warnings: ghosts, death concepts/discussions, murder, suicide, abuse, blood, lots of scary stuff (horror), implied sexual abuse, cursing (damn and hell), drug abuse, domestic violence, attempted rape (never completed; in a later chapter).

Other Author notes: There’s supposed to be an audio of the Big Ben chime (to parallel the demonic clock and represent that this is the realm of mortals), but I can’t currently find a way to create this audio file.  So.  Imagination I guess.

 Someone created a recording of the Big Ben clock from Parliament Square.  Cars and all, it definitely sounds like a city.  I will link it here in case you all want to hear it and use it to help your imagination, but it was NOT made by me, and as such it is NOT officially part of this story:

https://freesound.org/people/Noise%20Cuisine/sounds/47098/

___

Table of Contents Link

~~~

Ch 1: Miss Jackson

Have you ever seen a haunted house?  You know the kind I mean.  That old dark house that’s usually at the end of a dimly lit street.  The windows are broken and boarded, and the shutters hang loose on their hinges.  The trees have grown wild, their branches brush against the sides of the weathering house making strange noises in the night.  There’s a high vine-covered fence around the property.  Is it there to keep somebody out, or is it there to keep something inside?  It’s a house that people avoid walking past at night.  Strange sounds come from within the walls, and it’s said that eerie lights have been seen both in the attic window and in the graveyard at the side of the house.

Seen, at least….by some….

Our story revolves around this mysterious mansion….

But I’m getting a-head of myself…aren’t I?

So let me ask a different question…

                                 Have you ever been chased?

~

He was panting the whole way.

Round the corner where the pastor liked to play his accordion.

Over the iron wrought fence that blocked off the alley from the cars.

Through the double doors of the unused library.

Out the back.

Through the nook by J. H. Thomas’ shop.

And over the broken manhole right to the berry-red bench in the tiny cranny.

Michael knew the route like the back of his hand, spent every day of his life traversing it.  Or, at least, every day of his High School life, which was the only important part of your life you considered when you’re fresh faced and under twenty.

But they were right behind him, he could swear they were, thumping along and hollering; you could only run for so long.  The clock of the church chimed from somewhere a ways away, in Big Ben style; Six PM.  

He jostled a trash can on his way, half-heartedly hoping that it might slow his pursuers down as he rounded the corner.  The relief that flooded him when his target, a bench, came into his sights was a thankful feeling

For all of five seconds.

Then he was yanked back by his collar, just out of reach of his fragile safety net.  Falling to the hard concrete, three faces loomed into his view; three black leather jackets swarming around him and his red hoodie like vultures around a recent bloody kill

Jacob Matheson.  The head vulture, front and center, grinning over his recent (and recurring) victim.

He was the son of the owner of the largest retail store in town, which earned him a bit of a celebrity status in the sleepy rurals of northern Virginia.  Probably the only reason why he was the leader of his little gang.  

“What’s your hurry, huh?

Michael grimaced as a boot came down on his chest

“I…ugh.  I was just on my way back home..

“Liar. You live other way.”

“What’s the super special occasion?” Another boy said.  “We never see you out anymore, Mikey-Wikey.  You wouldn’t go off without at least saying ‘hi’, would you?”

“Our feelings might get hurt.  You wouldn’t want that now would you?”

Michael refused to answer that, wincing as the toe of the boot dug deeper into his ribs

“So how you going to make it up to us, huh?  How much you got on you?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a really terrible liar, Mikey.”  Jacob gestured towards the others.

Two seconds later and they pried Michael’s hands off of his pockets to start their rummaging

“Nice.  A whole twenty.”

“There’s more than that! What’s this?”

The other boy held a miniature keychain of a football, twirling it around on one of his fingers

“That’s mine. Give it back!”  Michael lunged, yet the boy had already tossed it to another

The three jeered and danced around him, taking turns with the keychain.

“Ooh. Almost got it that time!

“Gonna practice your jumping skills with us, huh?”

“Good dog!”

“Go get it, boy!

“You think we can teach him to beg?”

“You want it?? You want it?? HA!”

Jacob was last to receive, and Michael turned to him in irritation.   “You have my money.  You played your little game.  Can you just leave already?”

“I don’t know.  We just got here.”  A murmur of agreement.  “What are you doing with this thing anyways?  Pining for the good ol’ days when you were still on the team?”

“Aw, Jacob.  Can’t you see he misses playing?”  One of the other vultures said.

“Oh. I’m sorry. Did I say that too soon?  How long’s it been?  Four months?  Five? Got your leg all healed up nicely?”

One of the boys pretended to make a pass at his left leg, causing him to jerk into the defensive.  Jacob flashed a grin at the sight.

“Still not in tip top shape, huh?  Considering what happened, playing with this little football is probably the closest thing to a real game you’ll ever going to get for the rest of your life.  But don’t worry, Mikey.”

Jacob’s little wicked sneer only grew smug.

“I’m sure the rest of the team will do just fine without you.  You were just the water boy, weren’t you?  Most benched player ever in ol’ G. H. T. High.  Quite the honor.”

Michael gritted his teeth; he never cared too much about playing football, but he also didn’t need to hear this.

“But you can come play with us any time.  We don’t mind that you’ve got a bum leg.  In fact, how about you go long right now?”

Jacob pulled back with a sinister little smirk and a clear intent to throw it straight to the roof of the nearby apartment building.  Unfortunately for him, the football was snatched just before he let it loose.

“Wow, what do you know? A real life wannabe biker gang in their native environment.”

The football’s new owner was a welcome sight.  A pink sweater, a black skirt with an embroidered horse, a white blouse, and the look of someone who had just ate a whole bag of sour gummy worms (Jacob and his gang tended to have that effect on people).

“Ugh.  It’s the girlfriend.  Go away, Karen. Nobody invited you.”

“As if I need an invitation to rain on your parade. If you’ll give back the money that I’m sure you stole, we can be on our way and I won’t have to tell anyone about this.”

A speck of realization later and Jacob was staring at Michael with an even wider grin than before.

“Wait, is SHE why you came out of your house?  Date night? OooooOOOoooooh. Kissy kissy.”

The boys started making smooching noises, prompting Karen to let out a sigh of frustation.

“Mr. Vance!  Mr. Vance!  The jerks are back and they’re threatening your customers!”

“Whine all you want, what’s that old geezer even going to d-“

“Come over here, Mr. Arrow.  There’s a bit of vandalism I think you ought to look at.”  A much older man in black stained overalls came seemingly from out of nowhere, seemingly gesturing for the chief of police to follow.  Jacob’s face dropped.

“Scram!” Jacob said, not even waiting for his friends before booking it straight out of the alley.  They were generous, at least, if only in the fact that they threw Michael’s money back in his face.

Mr. Vance watched them retreat and let out a long, drawn out sigh.  “You kids okay?”

“As good as can be, I guess.” Mike said.

“Thanks for pretending for us, Mr. Vance.”  Karen said.

“A little lie goes a long ways sometimes.  I only wish I could convince an officer to hang around here.  Could do with a little less thieves.  Those three are gotta get their comeuppance sometime.”

“Yeah?”  Mike grabbed his keychain.  “I’m still waiting for that to happen.”

“Might come sooner than you think.  Well…come in then.  I’ve got your package in.”

Mr. Vance took out his handkerchief and wiped his brow; the wrinkles that lined an otherwise middle aged face seemed particularly discernable that evening.  Coupled with the silvery threads of his hair, anyone who didn’t know any better would have had the man pegged for a senior citizen.  But he was very much in his thirty’s, at most, and the reasons for why he looked so aged had often been the subject of discussion in town.

Especially considering that his store was easily one of the most important places around.  

The big retailer shop that lay in the heart of town was nice, but they often didn’t carry specialty items (and didn’t appreciate you asking to order them).  That was where Mr. Vance and his store came in.  Sure, it was tiny and cramped, and there was always a heap of unsightly broken bits of rusted metal in the corners near a large creepy portrait of a woman holding a skull, but there was so much of the place that was filled with mysterious and old objects, books galore, and more candy than you could ever possibly eat in your entire lifetime.  The man had no organization to speak of, so whenever a person cared to carouse the shelves they were almost guaranteed to find something wondrously unexpected.  

Karen loved it here.  As much as Mike liked old nick-knacks himself, it was mostly for her sake that he stepped foot inside time and time again.  Whenever she would examine a row of clocks or ancient utensils or even the words on the spine edge of a book, her whole demeanor would brighten up.  He loved watching her when they were here, she would always hold a smile on her face as she delicately traced a finger over things that were several times her own age.

Currently, she seemed distracted with an old timey animation device.  He couldn’t remember for the life of him what the things were called, but they consisted of a cylinder with slots for viewing, and had an image painted all around the insides.  The images were slightly different, so that when the cylinder was turned quickly it would simulate movement.  Animation.

Unfortunately, the one that Karen found seemed to be broken.  She couldn’t get it to spin, the painted crows were forever stuck in place…

“M-miss Jackson? I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there.  You’re here….early.” Mr. Vance said.

Mike looked up….the air somehow felt…colder  as his eyes fixated on the lone figure standing in the middle of the room.

The strangely dressed lone figure standing in the middle of the room, who was most certainly not in the middle of the room a few seconds ago.

A deep green dress like a thick moss on a dark forest floor, with a pinstripe blouse and matching apron.  Dark brown hair and vivid blue eyes were part and parcel of a face that oddly looked both amused and bored all at once.  And the bit of frill and bow on the top of her head seemed to so wonderfully match her attire yet be so terribly out of place in a modern day setting.

She looked like a maid.  An old-fashioned maid.  A very lost old-fashioned maid, considering that there were no buildings nearby that were large or rich enough to need to hire one.  

“My….employer…” There was surprisingly nothing strange or unusual about her voice, “…is rather anxious tonight, so I had hoped to present to him the items I had ordered.  If you happen to have them ready, of course.”

“Y-yes…Yes.  You…you wouldn’t happen to have come alone, Miss Jackson, would you?”

The girl smiled wistfully.  “Are we ever truly alone?”

Mr. Vance visibly gulped.  “Right…of…of course not.  I-I-I got your package right here.  Oh..Michael?”

Mike tore his eyes away from the woman back to the shopkeeper.  Mr. Vance’s demeanor seemed….suddenly different.  His face had gone a little pale, and there was an almost imperceptible waver in the way his voice cracked.  

“Would you…would you mind waiting a bit while I wrap up Miss Jackson’s items here?”

“Uh...Yeah, no problem.”

“Thanks.”

Mike headed over to where Karen had been curiously watching the whole exchange.

“Is there a costume party we weren’t invited to?” He asked her jokingly, earning a smile.

“She looks…kind of familiar.  Like I’ve seen her around…just…not in that getup.”

“Yeah…I feel like I’ve seen her around, too.   But I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to her before…”

She turned back to the animation device….and found it….spinning.  Ever so gently.

The painted crows began to flap their wings, rhythmically in time with the cylinder.

But then…faster.  And faster.  And furiously faster still, until the image was a seamless representation of the act of flying.

“Mike….” Karen said, the nervousness clear in her tone.  The device was not electronic, yet seemed more than willing to move completely on its own.

Even he was a little hesitant to touch it, yet his mind was made up when he could feel the warmth of her fingers clinging to his.

Clap.  His hand clamped down on it.  When he let go, the device obediently remained still.

“Heh.”  Mike’s laugh was more nervous than amused.  Karen’s hand squeezed his again.   “Must be off balanced or something.  Speaking of spooky, though, did you check out the way Mr. Vance was- ”

“Are you going back to the cliffs?”  The voice behind him interrupted.

Mike spun around to find himself face to face with the strange woman.  Up close, it was more obvious that she couldn’t have been more than a few shades older than either of them, despite her rather timeless attire.

“Yes….we are…” Karen anxiously responded, “But how did you know that?”

“I’ve watched you go up there.  The house I stay in happens to be nearby.”

“Where?” Mike butted in, “The only buildings up that way are all abandoned or mostly destroyed.  It would be kinda hard to live in any of them.  It’s pretty much a ghost town.”

“Yes…” The woman said, a faint smile on her lips. “Yes, you’re right.”

He couldn’t tell what she meant by that.  Was she saying that she wasn’t living in any of those buildings?

Karen coughed. “Um.  Well I like your dress.  The green looks very pretty on you.”

“Oh thank you.  I think so too.   It also makes my employer uncomfortable and likely brings up awkward memories for him.  Which is the other reason why I wear it.”

He and Karen exchanged a funny look.  He couldn’t tell which was odder, the fact that she purposely wore something just to make her employer uncomfortable or the fact that she just casually dropped this information to complete strangers like it was a normal subject to talk about.

“Miss Jackson?  Your items…”  Mr. Vance interrupted.

“Of course.”

The shopkeeper seemed to hesitate as he handed her a bag full of several individually wrapped parcels.

“One of these…you do know one of these things on your list is…”

“Illegal?” The young woman didn’t mince words or even flinch, which is more than what Mr. Vance did in response, “Technically it’s not, if people only bother to read the law anymore.  But yes. I’m well aware. But as you are quite aware, my employer is not concerned with legal matters…Anymore.”

“…I’m well aware.” He softly said.

“Will I see you later then?”  The young woman said as she turned to leave.

But Mr. Vance kept his head turned away from her and firmly on a broken clock in front of him, eventually squeezing his eyes shut as though he could will her away.

“…Have a good evening then, Mr. Vance.”

“…Same to you, Miss Jackson.”

Before she left the shop proper, the woman turned one last time to Michael and Karen.

“By the way…Tom Sawyer’s road is the faster way back to town if you’re coming from the cliffs.  And if you’re ever caught in an unfortunate rainstorm, please do stop by.  You’re more than welcome to hide under our awning.”

“We...never go to the cliffs on a rainy day.”  Karen said.

“Never say never,” With the twist of a tiny smile, the woman left the shop.

The atmosphere grew quiet.

~~~

And it remained silent for a solid minute.

“…Hey Karen?  You can get our stuff, right?”

“Wha-?”

Before she knew it, Mike had just thrusted the twenty in her hands and ran out the door.

“Hey…Mike!”

“What’s he doing?” Mr. Vance said, his brows furrowed in concern.

“I think he’s trying to catch up that woman.  Who was she, anyway?  I don’t see her often enough around.”

“That’s because she doesn’t live in town.  That’s Eleanor Jackson.  ‘Nell’ for short.  She’s up near the cliffs.”

“Where near the cliffs?”

Mr. Vance handed her two glass bottles of crème soda and a heart shaped package. “I’m sure Michael would be very insistent that you don’t open it until you’re together.”  

Purposefully changing the subject.

“…And you said that women asked for something illegal…”

“Now don’t you repeat anything you’ve heard here…”

“I…I won’t.  But is everything alright?  If she’s forcing you to do something illeg-“

“It’s not like that.”

It was said so forcefully and emotionally that Karen took a step back.

“…It’s not like that.” Mr. Vance said, softer this time, “But you should go and stop Mike.  Nothing good will come of him following after Nell like that.”

Package and soda in hand, she started to do just that.

“Karen.”

She paused.

“…Don’t always trust Nell.  She often only gives you half of the truth.”

With that statement freshly turning in her head, Karen went out into the alley looking for Mike.

He didn’t get very far; right around the corner he looked up at her sheepishly from the ground, while a friendly face tried unwind a long bit of fishing line.

“I tried catching her, but…”

“I think I ended up catchin’ a young ‘un instead.”  Mr. Mortimer flashed a grin at her before untwisting the hook from Mike’s jacket, “You ain’t quite the fish I be looking for, lad.”

Mr. Mortimer was a fisherman.  Probably by trade, too, as that’s the only thing she’s ever seen him do.  He always had a fishing pole in one hand, his trusty (but peculiar looking) tackle box in the other, a smile on his wrinkled face, and a song on his lips.  Very few people in town could ever say that they hated the man, even though he did always smell like fish.

He was also frequently wet, as he claims he never had good balance and constantly fell in.  She had no doubts about that.  The sight of him trudging around soaked in the frigid air….She often felt freezing just looking at him….

“Are you alright, Mr. Mortimer?” Karen said, offering to help him up.  His hands were cold as usual.

“Aye I’m alright, I’m alright.  No harm done,” With Karen’s help, he stood steady on his feet again, “But tell me young ‘un, what had you such ‘n a hurry?  Who were ya chasin’ after?”

“Some lady we saw at the shop.”

Mr. Mortimer flashed him a joking grin.  “Chasin’ after another while you got your young lady here?”

Karen snorted.

“Hey! No! That’s not what I meant! Karen!” Mike didn’t find it as amusing as they did, and gestured her to help him out.

“Mr. Vance said her name is Eleanor Jackson.”

Mr. Mortimer’s eyebrows rose in recognition.

“You know her?” Karen asked.

“Aye.”

“Did she come down this way?” Mike said.

“Sorry, young ‘un, I didn’t see anyone but yourself.”

“But I could have sworn she turned here…”

“She be a sweet girl, no doubt.  But you’re best off not followin’ her home, for your own good.”

“Mr. Vance said something like that…” Karen said.

“He be a smart one.  Is he in today?”

They nodded.  Before they could say anything else, Mr. Mortimer bid them good day and went off to the shop.

“Mr. Vance didn’t want to answer any questions about her either…”

“Everyone’s acting funny about her.  I don’t get it.”

“Well…let’s not worry about it anymore.  I really want to go to the cliffs tonight before it gets too dark,” She shook the heart shaped parcel slyly, “What’s in the box?”

“Three guesses,” Mike grinned.

“Hmmm,” She held it up to her ear and closed her eyes, as though she could somehow divine the answer, “Caramel chews, sour worms and…black licorice gummy bears?”

“Right on all three counts!”

“Do I get a prize?”

“Do I count?  Or are you still mad at me because I went ‘chasing’ after someone else?”

“I guess I can forgive you,” She said coyly, giving him a peck on the cheek.

They walked off together, hand in hand, too distracted with each other to notice the growing storm clouds overhead….

Storm clouds the weatherman never predicted.

Storm clouds that never moved from their position above the woods that led up to the cliffs.