#metaphorically it absolutely is but in this instance i mean so literally

[dyrewrites]

Bloodhound -- Deluca

Have this super messy thing I couldn't get my hands to clean up.

He looks so weird without Lucient there...

I didn't know what to do with his hands.

[brucewaynehater101]

I’m genuinely curious when I ask this, but why do you hate comic! Bruce so much?

(I don’t mean this to sound like a “gotcha” or anything if it does come off like that)

I know there's many many interpretations of Bruce Wayne. A lot of them are endearing, cool to read, and fantastic (even comic versions).

However, there's this phenomenon in comics where they have Bruce beat the ever living shit out of his kids (physically, emotionally, or metaphorically) and then brush it off. They give excuses (or implied ones) on why this behavior is "acceptable." I've also seen a ton of arguments online following the same vein.

Stuff like "he was grieving/having a hard time mentally" or "his kid shouldn't have done []." It sickens me to read this shit or imply that his kids should just get over it (like Jason forgiving Bruce for the whole adrenaline fear thing [because what the absolute fuck]).

It's not every version of comic Bruce, particularly since there's so many writers. There is quite a lot of instances of this, though.

I just loathe watching Bruce abuse his kids, the blame getting placed on literally anyone else's shoulders (or it not getting talked about at all), and then them going back to a "happy, loving" family. It's this phenomenon.

That reads, to me, like domestic cycles of abuse. Yes, families can fight and make mistakes and all of that. That's not what's being represented.

A healthy dynamic includes accepting responsibility for your actions (without blaming or excusing them), making amends (without expectation of forgiveness), and communicating how to avoid said actions in the future. You especially never resort to violence unless you don't want a relationship with that person anymore (like if the batkids punched Bruce after he did something horrible and then went no contact).

So, the real answer is, "I hate when comics use Bruce's character to justify cycles of abuse and have him brush off responsibility of abusive actions as they have done repeatedly through decades of interpretation."

It's simpler to say, "I hate Comic!Bruce."

[fancifulplaguerat]

As I continue to scratch like a little beast at the concept of fate in Patho Mark Immortell unfortunately needs to be discussed. Specifically Mark in Patho Classic, because he’s just so……. What the hell is going on with that dandy Mephistopheles. I have to know. 

Mark is clearly cognizant of Patho’s narrative to an extent, and seemingly represents another play on “lines” as a mechanism for prophesying in Patho. As Artemy knows the lines in viscera as a Haruspex, Yulia/the Mistresses know cause-and-effect chains/threads of fate, Mark knows the lines as in theatre. Eva describes Mark’s performances thus: “Staggering, prophetic performances! They predict fates. […] Two ritual Masks pick a volunteer from the crowd. Mark looks at his hands, then shows them to the Masks. They improvise. Without a word they play out either the nearest future or the whole life of the person—depending on the price. And it always comes true!” Notkin says, “They say they tell your fortune, right? Might be just a game, might be note; it does come true. I think though that it’s Mark himself who manipulates the events to align someone’s life with his ideas. […] I mean, [his predictions] do come true, though not every time, and if they don’t, he explains it away as a metaphor, or says they did come true but we didn’t notice.” Notkin differs from Eva’s depiction somewhat; at least, he complicates whether Mark’s performances really come true, and this reliance on metaphor to me is reminiscent of an idea in Patho where obfuscation, story-telling, or performance are the most efficient means to communicate truth (lovely Nina is an apparent exception but I am not talking about that right now <3).

For instance, a Town child tells the player, “Mark—he knows the truth and is afraid to distort it. That’s why he uses masks, puppets, and riddles.” This echoes Katerina’s line, “I can’t leave my smoke and mirrors be […] Because I cannot lie when it comes to details… My lips literally cannot enunciate something that is untrue. Riddles and vagueness leave me a degree of freedom.” Mark himself voices something similar: “Like any game, play-acting is a mere shadow of Existence, a tiny fragment of it, a semblance—not a hollow semblance, mind you, quite the contrary, filled to the brim! Play-acting is fuller than reality... since it’s smaller.” To me, this gestures to how storytelling and theatre—with their ability to exaggerate reality—allow one to address issues in a roundabout way which can be more efficient than clear-cut truth. Simplicity is absolutely a necessary tool, but can inevitably hinder necessary nuance, and I think that is what Patho is getting at here. Similarly, it’s suggested that people *interpret* these plays rather than the acts being clear depictions of future events, e.g. when Mark talks about the bull in the Bone Stake Lot incident: “Everybody started to talk about it, interpreting and reinterpreting the… act. Just like they do with our very own Mask Act here. The prophetic excitement is growing by the hour…” just as he later says, “No, I am no longer a mime show interpreter.” All this suggesting that Mark perhaps interpreted simulacra or semblances, and this is how he understood Pathologic’s narrative.

Characters further suggest that Mark’s Masks did not merely show the future, but enforced it. Daniil says, “You were a puppeteer. Your Masks foretold our future—or maybe imposed it upon us; in all honesty, I don’t see the difference.” Maria similarly states, “his performances don’t show a person’s fate, they impose it,” and Lara says, “Mark’s mime shows seem to incorporate us too… everyone’s playing along to avoid disrupting the performance, and that’s exactly how he’s manipulating us.” I interpret this from the meta angle, because obviously the Theatre demonstrates the game’s events, which the characters act out because. Well. They are characters. Even Mark doesn’t appear above it all, as Lara says “I think it’s the Masks who play him and not the other way around,” and Mark refers to himself as an actor, such as when he muses that “I’ve been thinking about leaving this place of the dead for a while now, but I get the feeling that this is exactly the place for me to fulfill my part…” 

Though, Mark obviously more often references the player’s role as an actor, which again points to his understanding of fate. Namely when he tells Daniil “[The next performance is] for you to decide. You are part of the lineup. The playscript is not yet complete, you see. […] Your fate isn’t bound yet. It will take time, effort, and of course your direct participation. Come to see us every evening. We’ll show how you’re doing bit by bit.” This dialogue is obviously stepped in the meta: the playscript depends on our actions, as the game unfolds according to our choices in words and deeds. This reminds me of how the Mistresses and Simon’s fortune-telling all seems to juxtapose predetermination alongside some kind of free will. That is, while there is room for a player to subtly influence the narrative’s progression, it is obviously all set out for us in the end. It has to end in a particular way, and it feels like this is what Mark understands. Namely when he discusses the three families with Daniil, and when Daniil asks which will be victorious, Immortell says, “You don’t need me to tell you that; the answer is yours. They're so different... Which one do you prefer? […] It's up to you.” Mark knows that the player must inevitably side with one philosophy according to their choices: choice decides the outcome, but that outcome is obviously already determined.

Mark instead tells Clara that she is “against the rules” because she is “an imposter and a changeling.” Against the game’s rules, presumably as Clara is the only character capable of breaking her fate and so going off-script, as it were, in Mark’s performances. In the secret endings, the gamemakers say that Clara’s twin was a “gimmick of choosing one’s own fate” and that “She was indeed conceived as a disease, an instrument of the Law… but she was born a thief. At the very moment of her birth, she got a chance to become someone completely different. The girl came into this world, having stolen for herself the fate of a miracle-worker.” From a mechanical standpoint, Clara is obviously unique in that she has a choice—most people probably know that curing all the Bound allows you any choice, but that aside, Daniil and Artemy have only one decision. So setting aside that Clara obviously is still bound by a preset narrative, she is capable of choosing to oppose her predetermination and thus the capital-L Law, as fate/inevitability/the Law are closely intwined and often conflated. Breaking the Law is indeed ‘miraculous,’ which is referenced in a dialogue between Imortell and Daniil about the Polyhedron: 

Mark Immortell: […] First of all, I also believe in lofty ideals—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. […] But recently I came to realize something that has blown me out of the water completely and made me reevaluate my worldview. So... I believe in Vlad's transformation. Bachelor: What did you realize? Mark Immortell: That fate can be overcome. I’m so tired of all this... You know, many people consider my shows to be mere tricks—but I know that’s untrue. They are daily reminders of Predetermination reigning over us... it’s depressing. But now I see that a miracle is not completely impossible. Bachelor: Please, go on! What makes it possible? Mark Immortell: It’s the Tower. The only thing that leads the plots of my performances astray is the Tower. The Tower—and everything that has to do with it... those are the only things that cannot be tossed and turned and manipulated like puppets. A miracle overcomes the inevitable. The Tower can do miracles. It all makes sense. Bachelor: I’m not sure it does. Mark Immortell: You will still have an opportunity to ponder it. The Tower is an ambiguous phenomenon. There’s no need to rush to conclusions. I have, as you can see, fallen in love with it... I think of it as my safe haven. But you should keep a cool head.

I am gleeful about this dialogue btw there is so much to work with here. For one, it maintains the link between opposing fate and the miraculous found in Clara’s character, as Mark’s conviction that “fate can be overcome” derives from the Polyhedron’s capacity for miracles. Again, then, the miraculous is positioned opposite inevitability and fate. But what is Mark’s actual relationship to Utopia and the Utopians? I have always wanted to throw up blood over Daniil and Mark’s final conversation. When he tells Mark, “I thought that the whole point of the Utopians’ ideology was neglecting the laws of fate and the limits it imposes upon us,” to which Mark replies, “You are correct, oh the keenest of the astute! So what? I have cognized this side of Existence from backstage, so to speak; from where the strings go and the machinery is hidden—and yet I willingly swore allegiance to the Utopia. Does that tell you nothing?” That line goddamn haunts me. It always reinforced to me that there is an undercurrent in this game that people should strive for utopia, even if it’s a perpetually doomed endeavor, given Saburov and Eva’s statements to this effect. Mark appears sincere in this, given his “I also believe in lofty ideals” or how he gives his life to Maria; Katerina claims that Maria is the only one who can influence Mark, and indeed we see his collusion with Maria in the Changeling Route. 

But Clara throws potential doubt on Mark’s allegiance to the Utopians when she reports to Katerina, “He’s not one to side with either the Utopians or the Humble. He stands apart.” [or] “Maria thinks he’s under her charms and in the ranks of the utopians. He’s playing along [with her]. But that’s not how it really is!” I think Mark could well be playing along with Maria, considering a dialogue with Andrey where he suggests that Mark “Claims that the local mimes can tell the future. As for me, I think he’s making fun of the Mistresses—and, by extension, of us all.” Maria herself says of him, “He makes me anxious; his performances don’t show a person’s fate, they impose it. I’d really like to see someone grab and pull the puppeteer’s strings. […] one day I shall tame this crafty imp—no matter what it takes.” “Makes me anxious”?? Maria of Scarlet Mistress fame ??? This reminds me of Mark’s voice lines “There is a great ability in knowing how to conceal one's ability,” and “It is sometimes necessary to play the fool to avoid being deceived by cunning men.” These lines need not necessarily be related, but imply a deceptive character that suggests he could be following Maria’s lead out of amusement.

Another suggestion that Mark is taking the piss is that he quotes Professor Pangloss from Candide, who represents the naïve optimism and theodicy Voltaire lambasts: “All is for the best in this best of the worlds” (Всё к лучшему в этом лучшем из миров/Tout est pour le mieux dans le meilleur des mondes possibles). The Utopians are not necessarily naïve optimists, but are dreamers who ascribe to the miraculous, even emphatically self-proclaimed rationalist Daniil. Theodicy also intended to vindicate divine justice, and Patho’s narrative involves its own ‘divine justice’ through plague; so Mark quoting Pangloss feels quite tongue-in-cheek to me. 

Whether Mark is a sincere Utopian… As with everything, it’s open to interpretation. I think he is, given that dialogue with Daniil. Mark seems aware that he is only pulling people’s strings in that his performances reflect a predetermination that he is subjected to as much as everyone else. He appears genuinely intrigued by the miraculous (as in: fate can be broken) in his claim that he has fallen in love with the Polyhedron as Daniil or Eva. Likewise that he claims Clara is a “worthy opponent” as a miracle-maker, given that she defies fate and so overcomes the inevitable. I find it particularly notable that Mark considers the one thing that ‘leads the plots his performances astray’ his “safe haven;” but, I also think Mark is frankly cheeky about the whole affair because of his narrative awareness which also sets him apart from other characters. 

[lost-inanotherlife]

Lost S1 Rewatch after 20 years - scattered FINAL thoughts

other thoughts here

I think I'm becoming a bit of an anti-Charlie because I really can't stand him, like at all. He used to be one of my favorites but clearly 20 years did no good to his character. I mean, COME ON, he's hyperfixated on Claire and her baby and wants to protect them at all cost BUT he leaves them alone with Rousseau? A literally stranger, just like Ethan was? AND THEN he takes it out on Sayid and blames him? AND THEN Sayid is the one who actually saves Aaron and Charlie gets the credit? Ugh. S1 Charlie is the worst.

My feelings for the characters' backstories are quite mixed. On the one hand, they are undoubtedly stereotypical, on the other I can't help but admire the writers' command of archetypes. In Lost there are A LOT of main characters but they ALL have a solid backstory. In other words, the characters' stories are coherent, consistent and ultimately extremely well-written. The writers put in a lot of effort and succeeded in portraying each story with a few strokes of the metaphorical brush. The line between stereotype and archetype is a thin one and can be easily crossed; Lost's writers approach it very very closely but they somehow manage to retreat a few moments before the disaster. I'm in awe.

I'll always, always, be soft and weak for Sun and Jin. Maybe it's because Yunjin Kim and Daniel Dae Kim are incredibly talented actors. With the exception of Terry O'Quinn and the two Kims, all other actors don't start off really strong. It's okay because by the end of S1 they have all, to varying degrees, sort of grown into their characters or, at least, they feel more at ease playing them. On the other hand, specifically Daniel Dae Kim's acting choices are precise and beautifully executed from the start. You can't really do anything else but end up liking Jin.

I remember I was shocked by Boone's death and, 20 years later, I still feel sorry over it. I think his character had a lot of hidden potential, I don't know why they killed him off (I mean, maybe the actor wanted out? I don't think so! For shock value? Could be! I should do some research). I liked the fact that he was sort of an anti-hero or, perhaps more correctly, a wannabe failing hero. It would've been cool to see his arc unfold, I think. Too bad.

Kate and Jack confuse me. There's clearly something between them but I'm starting to suspect it's not love? Jack is insanely besotted with her but he's also quite demanding and over-protective and honestly? Dude, chill, there's literally no need, she eats guys like you for breakfast. Kate, on the other hand, is also unfair to him. For instance, she wants him to believe that she would never poison anyone while she herself had drugged him the day before and she was indeed the mastermind behind Michael's little stomach problem (lol). It's like she wants Jack to think the best of her while she's not willing to do the work OR, even better, just to be herself and let Jack decide whether he's in or not. Mmmm.

Locke and Jack as symbolically being one person, as in a dark mirror of each other is chef's kiss. While in "White Rabbit" Locke saves Jack from falling off a cliff, in "Exodus" Jack saves Locke from being dragged underground by the black smoke. The images are the same and it was so beautiful to see. Absolutely blown-away by the command of symbolism in this series, I know it's silly to say because, DUH, it's Lost! Still mindblowing, though.

[anticidic]

Hello, if you don't mind, can I ask your top 5 favorite characters from BSD? Why you love them? And, what are your top 7 favorite moments from that series?

Also, from which author (BSD characters) have you read the books? Hope my question is not confusing.

Thanks if you want to answer....

ooh, hi!! sure!

this has gotten incredibly long, so I'll be putting a good portion of it under a read more.

Favorite characters

Dazai

Chuuya

Fyodor

Mushitaro

Ango

Dazai: He's the kind of character where just when I think I'm starting to finally crack the code and understand him, turns out nope, I was wrong all along with my interpretations and couldn't be more far off. I more "love-hate" him because I absolutely do not defend his past transgressions, but acknowledge he has come a long way from the dark place he used to find himself in.

What particularly interests me about him is his amorality. He does what he does or did what he did in the past and does not see his choices as good or bad, just a means to an end. And I like how that aspect of him clashes with Ango, where Ango would question why do we have to sacrifice one person to save 100 when we can save everyone? Having to sacrifice someone should not even be an option. Whereas Dazai would see it as sacrificing that one to save 100 and think nothing of it, because obviously saving as many people as possible is the goal, even if someone has to die for it. And also that the way he views the universe and the people: he treats it oddly, like it's all an experiment to study. He likes studying people, seeing what makes them crack, laugh, cry. And wants to understand why because what makes one person cry does not make him cry.

Chuuya: Man just can't catch a break sometimes. But I like that he's incredibly intelligent and empathetic. Obligatory read Stormbringer NOW. When he's put beside the likes of Dazai and Fyodor he ends up getting foreshadowed, but standalone he's shown that he's capable of making his own deductions and figuring people out in similar veins. Not to mention the fact that he's experienced loss time and time again, literally to those closest to him, but he still gets back up and dusts himself off. And the fact it hasn't embittered him to hold grudges against everyone—we still see how trusting he is of Dazai, for instance. And he still treats Shirase like a friend. I think he harbors a lot of guilt, but he doesn't let it break him.

Fyodor: It's still hard to have a 100% confident opinion of him with what's been going on in the manga up until now, but until the plot continues to advance, I'm standing with the side that I don't think he has a god complex, but more of a savior complex. He's so completely assured that he's doing the right thing and is blinded by the fact that he's actually hurting a lot of people in his quest to save people. He's burdened himself with the task of essentially saving the world of ability users and is taking on the consequences of doing so until the end. I think it ties in with his religious motifs.

Mushitaro: I was immediately drawn to him. He presents as a bit, well, grandiose at first. Thinks himself above others, detectives are basically the dirt beneath his feet, but (and this ties into one of my favorite moments) when it came time for Yokomizo to die and we saw just how distraught Mushitaro was over losing Yokomizo and having to be the one who carried that will out, those emotions were raw. The mask he had on just completely cracked and we see a man who is tasked with carrying out the will of his friend in the worst possible way, and does it anyway. He's no longer concerned about outsmarting and besting others. All he can think of is loss. It knocks him down from his metaphorical pedestal he believed himself to be on, just to learn he's like everyone else. He is not invincible.

Ango: I consider him an embodiment of guilt. He doesn't live for himself, he's like a puppet on strings being tugged in all different directions and forced to dance to the tune of the puppet master (in this case, the government). He basically has no free will. That he's self-aware some of the things he's had to do were wrong and would hurt people makes me respect that a lot. He knows he's no better than anyone else, and there isn't much he can do to make peace with that or make it up to others he's hurt in the process. He clearly has beliefs that conflict with the government, such as disagreeing with having to sacrifice any of its citizens for the greater good and the "killing two birds with one stone" choices like introducing Mimic to Japan in order to also try to wipe out the Port Mafia.

As for my favorite moments (I'll keep this shorter):

Perfect Crime Arc: I know this is cheating as a whole arc, but I thought it was very well-done. Ranpo's look of disbelief when he couldn't figure out it was Mushitaro behind the crime. How Mushitaro thought himself invincible. Then how it all came crashing down.

Mori putting Tachihara's hat back on after hunting dog reveal: Tachihara was the shocked one, while Mori had a knowing smile. He knew. And had absolutely nothing to say other than to put Tachihara's hat on his head.

Yosano vs Kajii fight on the train: we get a glimpse into who Kajii is and his beliefs, which I thought was neat. Wish we would've gotten more. Yosano didn't respect Kajii's disregard for life and his careless experimentation.

Nathaniel vs Akutagawa: I loved the easter egg that Akutagawa called himself 'diablo'. It wasn't to be edgy, but it was a reference of how real life Akutagawa thought of himself despite being extremely religious. He thought he would go to hell as he died with the bible in hand. Also, Margaret sacrificing herself.

Atsushi & Akutagawa vs Ivan: I liked the implications of this more so than the fight itself. Atsushi and Akutagawa working together, and they fuse their abilities together. The trust they had in one another to do that.

Buraiha Trio taking a photo together: Pretty self-explanatory. Thought it was pretty impactful of them all taking a photo and how it would be the last time they were together.

Dazai & Ango visiting Oda's grave: Also pretty self-explanatory. It's not animated, but Ango has visited Oda's grave even in the rain. And Dazai continues to visit his grave. It depicts the guilt Ango had, and that Ango and Dazai truly cared about Oda.

Authors whose books I've read:

(the entirety of The Guild's members)

Dazai

Chuuya (his poems)

Fyodor

Agatha Christie

Mori

Kenji

Atsushi

Ranpo

Ayatsuji

Bram Stoker

I have Yosano and Mushitaro planned, just haven't found the time to read their works. As well as Nikolai.

[linkspooky]

Jujutsu Kaisen, Chapter 202 Thoughts. 

The most interesting aspect of Kenjaku as a character to me, is how much he is a hypocrite to his own stated ideals. He claims that everything he does, torturing Choso’s mother, dragging innocents off into the Culling Games, and even threatening to feed practically every non-sorcerer to Japan into a cursed spirit is because of his desire to see something new and outside of his predictions and control, but Kenjaku himself is a control freak. Kenjaku and Tengen are the focus of this week’s chapter, and they foil each other in an interesting way because they are both hypocrites. 

1. Kenjaku the abusive Father (And Mother). 

Before I start writing letmeexplain the title. Kenjaku is literally an abusive parent because he abandoned Choso and his brothers after deeming them failures, and also treats Yuji as his expendable tool. Kenjaku is also metahorically an abusive parents, because he’s a representative of a pattern within Jujutsu Society as a whole. 

What is an abusive parent, if not someone who is supposed to protect and raise a child, but neglects that duty and harms them instead? 

The central conflict of Jujutsu Kaisen, and the ideals that Gojo and his students are fighting for is that the previous generation shouldn’t be harm the youth. Jujutsu Society is one where the children instead of being raised and protected are treated as expendable, and often harmed so the old guard can remain in power. 

This is repeated in many of the backstories of the characters. For instance, if you want an extremely direct exmaple Ogi the parent of both Maki and Maiblames his lack of sucess on the family head on his “worthless children.” Rather than Ogi serving his duty as a parent protecting and raising both of his daughters, he thinks his daughters exist for his own sake. 

The microcosm of parental abuse in a single household, is also a metaphor for the macorcosm of the ills of Jujutsu Society as a hole, children are continually sacrificed instead of being raised. Children exsit to serve the elders, the elders don’t put any thought into raising the next generation. 

The discussion of this chapter consists of Tengen, and Kenjaku, both being entities that regularly use children for their own sake. Tsukumo directly calls this out, Tengen was willing to accept child sacrifices for generations. When it failed however, it turned out she (They?) didn’t even need to do them in the first place that they were capable of living on without sacrifices. 

Which means the children weren’t sacrificed because it was an absolute necessity, but rather repeating this pattern in Jujutsu Society that children must continually give up their youths and everything else, to protect the current status quo and the people in power. Riko is the ultimate metaphor for a lost youthin the series. Everything about the current conflict went wrong starting with Riko’s death. 

If Riko had lived, Geto would never have become disillusioned with the sorcery world. If Riko had lived, Geto and Gojo wouldn’t have fallen into conflict, eventually resulting in Geto’s death, and Kenjaku taking over his body. RIko is important because she’s a metaphor for Maki, for Mai, for Megumi, for Yuji, for Nobara, for Yuta, for Inumaki, she is another child who just wanted to live out the days of her youth and grow up. Riko had the right to grow up and live in the future and be surrounded by friends just like everyone else, but Tengen considers her ultimately expendable.

Why is Tengen more important than Riko? Because she’s immortal? Because she’s powerful? If Tengen was capable of evolving all along then there was no reason Riko had to die, and yet Tengen simply accepted both Riko and every single sacrifice before her as inevitable, because that is status quo, because that keeps the power in the hands of the powerful. 

Toji, the one who killed Riko was also created by the abuse of the previous generation on the next one. If Toji had been accepted by the Zenin clan rather than continually punished for simply being born as he was, he could have been as powerful and as great a sorcerer as Gojo, and instead abused and harassed all his life he turns into the immoral sorcerer killer. Yet another person sacrificed pointlessly, because the old guard wants to resist change. 

Here is where, Kenjaku and Tengen might seem to be opposites, but they are in fact exactly the same. They claim to represent opposite ideas, Kenjaku desires a world of unpredictability and change. 

But, Kenjaku ignores the fact that he never lets things grow and change on their own. He essentially takes a stranglehold on things with all of his manipulation. He always has to be the one in power, he has to be the one inciting change. He even says he wants to bring up something he can’t imagine, but in the same breath he then says he’s going to put the world back to the way it used to be in the golden age of sorcerers. 

Tengen is an all knowing entity, he talks about everything that’s predetermined and destined. Everything is inevtiable. Nothing can be helped. 

Kenjaku and Tengen seem to represent opposites, a pre-determined fate, and a future of possibilities and chaos beyond imagination, but they actually do the exact same thing. They are both, continually sacrificing children in the name of a status quo. They both act like all-knowing, all-seeing entities, who really just repeat the way things are. It can be seen in the difference between the way Kenjaku and Choso regard Choso and his siblings. Kenjaku expected great things from them, and then immediately gave up on them and lost interest because they were too normal. He made no effort at all in nurturing them. Choso says he wanted cursed spirits to evolve along with sorcerers, but he literally ate all of his cursed spirit allies, including Mahito, before they even had a chance to change. 

Whereas, Choso’s ideals are the opposite of Kenjaku’s entirely, and fall in line with what Gojo is fighting for. While Kenjaku neglects his duty as a parent and sees his children as existing only as tools for his own benefit, abandoning them immediately when they stop being useful, all of Choso’s pride comes from his role as a big brother, and his duty he has in protecting his younger brothers.

Choso argues back, that his role as the oldest to nurture the younger ones that come after him. Whether eh’s superior or inferior, whether he makes terrible mistakes he’s always going to serve as an example, that’s why he does everything he does for the sake of the ones younger than him. 

Therefore we have two confrontations this chapter, Tsukumo Yuki and Choso both believe that it is their duty and responsibility towards others to try and protect and not forget the younger and more helplessly lives. 

Then there are Kenjaku and Tengen who have already written those people off as expendable. The former is capable of imagining a better world, while the latter will always be stuck and stagnant due to their lack of imagination. 

[alittleanalysis]

On Someone Else's Opinion

Now I love James Acaster as much as anyone else, but this post annoyed me, because... uh no... that line devoid of context doesn't actually mean anything. It lacks the acknowledgement of circumstance to be in any way insightful.

Take for instance "What if every relationship you've ever been in, is someone slowly figuring out they didn't like you as much as they hoped they would?" a related James Acaster quote, and notice how even completely separated from the original context it still works as a sad if not a little overly dramatic line. One that could exist within a larger more poetic work.

However "i was standing in someone else's happiness begging to be let in" doesn't work unless you know what is being spoken about, because "... standing in someone else's happiness ..." is a purely metaphorical sentiment, which can only be interpreted through the lens of some literal object. In the special it's the confetti from a wedding proposal, as James attempts to attend a therapy session which the therapist forgot about after being proposed to, this serves to reinforce James' loneliness and personal issues which are the central thematic through line of the special. Devoid of that context the line itself doesn't actually point to anything.

But what if that's what op intends, that the line is poignant because removed from context it can still be related to and understood, but that just returns to the fundamental issue that the "... standing in someone else's happiness ..." is not a relatable expression, because of how few things it can literally represent, none of which is helped by the fact that "... begging to be let in ..." abstracts the idea even further, meaning in order for the line to work on its own one must have experienced both standing in something which can be said to represent someone else's happiness, and simultaneously be either metaphorically or literally asking to be allowed access.

Is that a thing that someone can experience, absolutely, and would someone who did, find the line meaningful and poignant hard to say, but I will acknowledge the possibility, but is it suitably poetic on its face? Hard for me to think so, as it doesn't actually point to any sort of unifying experience only to an unique experience so specific as to be meaningless with out explanation.

[minamorsart]

Who do you think is more protective: Lotor or Kylo?

*rubs hands eagerly* At last, my time has come! Hehe.

As a hardcore lotura and reylo shipper, I want to add a disclaimer that I will be mentioning those relationships, so just a heads up!

^^^^ also how GOOD do they look here??! I couldn't resist 😆

When you look at the two of them side by side, Lotor and Kylo Ren share a lot of similarities. Both experienced trauma and tragedy during their younger years that shaped them into who they are, both became ultimate powerful leaders of intergalactic empires, both can be snarky and sarcastic, both wear literal and metaphorical masks in order to hide their true selves, and both have complicated relationships with their fathers, etc.

But as much as Lotor and Kylo share in common, they also share their differences. A couple of those differences that I think are worth getting into in order to answer your question are: 1) their temperament, and 2) how they react to dangerous situations.

With Kylo, he is more physical, right? He doesn't talk much, and when he does he's usually snarky and callous. He is quick to anger, he destroys things when he gets upset, and he will react with violence towards those who get on his bad side. He uses his physicality and potential for harm in order to assert dominance. He intimidates others with his knowledge of the Dark Side of the Force, often using his power to threaten people's lives, like how he did with Poe and Hux. When he's calm he is remarkably soft spoken, but when he's angry he is big and loud and makes his presence known.

With Lotor, the man is absolutely capable of violence and anger, but only when provoked. He uses his words first, and like Kylo can be sardonic and unfeeling at times. He will talk his way around things in order to get what he wants, and is very successful at it, too. It's why he was able to turn the Galra to his side after his duel with Throk, and it is why he was able to convince the paladins to trust him. That is not to say he doesn't prove himself through his actions, of course, nor does he shy away from inflicting harm upon those who cross him, such as when he sent Throk away to the Ulippa System, and later when he let Throk be tortured by Haggar, as well as when he killed General Raht when Haggar sent the man to spy on him.

Needless to say, both Kylo and Lotor have their breaking points and triggers. So how do they act when they're being protective? Honestly, at first it might seem a little hard to imagine them being protective towards anyone, because everything they have worked so hard for, everything they have used their strength and intelligence for, was to their own advantage, as misguided and manipulated as they may have been. Neither of them had many chances to get close to other people and form positive relationships, so sadly there aren't a whole lot of examples to draw from when it comes to them being protective.

However that doesn't mean those examples don't exist! They may be few and far in between, but they are there. For Ben, we have at least two instances. The first time he feels protective of Rey is during the throne room scene, both when Snoke was torturing her and when they fought the Praetorian guards together. And then on the planet Exegol, Ben risked his life in order to get to Rey, and in the end he literally gave his life to bring her back, all for one person. True to his character, he never said a word, but showed his protectiveness through his actions.

For Lotor, we also have at least two instances, but what we've seen from him is that he feels protective towards the people as a whole rather than the one. When Zarkon threatened to destroy the planet he put his son in charge of, and then much later when he was about to fire on the Lions, what did Lotor do? True to his character, he tried to talk down the situation, to have the blame or attention placed on him instead of letting others suffer because of his father's cruelty. Sadly, he was unable to do anything the first time, and having learned his lesson, ended up killing Zarkon the second time.

Unlike Ben, Lotor is not put into any situations where a singular person he cares about is put into danger. There is no trial or test of love for the one person, not like there is for Ben. Rather, it is always a situation where the lives of many are at stake. That is one important thing to note about Voltron, is that the shows tends to focus more on plot and less on individual relationships -- with a few exceptions. So what would happen if Allura's life was in danger? Lotor admires Allura for her many strengths, not just her beauty, so I am certain he knows she's capable of handling herself. However, were she put into a life-threatening predicament like Rey, I can imagine Lotor would first try to talk down the situation like he always does. If that didn't work, then he would resort to violence, but only if absolutely necessary.

Lotor and Ben's protective mindset even carries over to when they are feeling the exact opposite towards the people they have intense hatred for. Ben wanted to destroy Luke and only Luke, and Lotor vowed to destroy everyone. It is yet another way the two differ from each other, though similarly, these scenes both happen during moments of weakness, and it's obvious that neither of them are thinking clearly.

What they do share in common, however, is that they are both self-sacrificing. Ben, battered and beaten, crawled out of that hole to reach Rey. He was willing to die for her, and gave up his own life to bring her back. Lotor, also very close to death, did not seem to care at all that his father was about to kill him. He seemed rather resigned to it, in fact. Yet he was satisfied with the fact that Zarkon's fleets had been destroyed, and was willing to die for the paladins, taking on Zarkon and giving everyone else a chance to live.

And a little sidebar for Rey and Allura before we wrap things up: there is no doubt in my mind that both women, compared to the men, are far more vocal about their fierce protectiveness over the ones they care about. I mean, just look at these screenshots! I think they speak for themselves.

So after all of that, would it be a wash to say that I think Lotor and Ben are both equally protective? Probably 😂 But I genuinely think so! I think Ben focuses more on the one, while Lotor focuses more on the many. I don't believe one way of thinking is better than the other, but it does go to show how deeply layered and complex these characters are and why I love them so much, even after all these years.

Thank you for the ask, Anon! I had a lot of fun thinking about your question and coming up with this essay, which is why it took me a while to answer, haha! If you have any counterpoints or insights you'd like to add, please do not hesitate to share! I would be delighted to hear your thoughts 😊

And one more screenshot of our boys looking at the ones they love :')

[misspearly1]

Day Twenty-Nine: Public Sex - Joel Miller

Kinktober22 List

WC: 2k Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. Established Relationship. Talk of Kinks. Smut. Semi-public. Oral (M receiving) Unprotected PIV Sex. Mild Choking. Mild Dirty talk. F is the one with the public sex kink. Fluff. AN: Add on from the warnings. Reader is the one with the public sex Kink and the reason I've put it in the warnings is because not everyone has this kink of course, but it's the only one I've specifically gave her. With that out of the way folks, I hope you enjoy the read ❤️.

We jump right into NSFW, so I'll cover it up.

There are some people in this world who have kinky sex and there are people who don’t. That doesn’t mean either of those beautifully intimate acts aren’t good or satisfying because they both are. It’s just that you, in your relationship, are the one who likes kinky sex whereas your partner hasn’t ever really partaken in the extreme spicy activities. 

Joel Miller is your partner and what you’ve noticed thus far into your relationship with him is that he likes to add a dash of multiple different kinks in the bedroom. For instance, the man likes teasing, dirty talk, tying you up or being tied up himself. It’s not too much, nor too little, and he is very subtle with it as a matter of fact, not overpowering. 

You’re never left unsatisfied in the delicately calloused hands of Joel. He always takes good care of you, and the sex is phenomenal, however the only issue you have is that one particular kink of yours - public sex. You love it, love the thrill and fear around the possibility of being caught in the act, which makes the sex so much more exciting, but Joel - understandably - would be too worried and afraid of getting caught. 

You’re sure it’s a kink he wouldn’t like, and it’s not a major issue. It doesn’t cause problems or ruin sex with the man in the slightest, it’s just that sometimes when you’re out together somewhere public, you often catch yourself thinking about him bending you over the table and fucking you. Like right now for example. You and Joel are on a patrol with Simon and Lee, checking out the ski-lodge like usual, but you’re really horny. 

The man just has that power every minute of every goddamn day no matter what he does, but right now especially, he is wearing that sexy black buttoned up shirt that just clings to his figure in all the right areas. The top two buttons popped open, giving you a glimpse of the veins in his neck and the trail of hair between his collarbones, leading down his wide chest, buffed out with years of keeping fit. 

Then his shoulders… God his shoulders are so big, and you squeeze your legs together in thought about clinging onto them just last night as he held you in his arms, thrusting his cock in and out of your cunt. Joel is as strong as an ox, and you love to be swept off your feet by him in both the metaphorical and literal sense. 

He’s held you up in many positions in the past just by sheer strength, and your favourite would be pinning you up against the wall, the backs of your legs held by his big hands as he rolls his hips into you lovingly and gentle-like. There’s absolutely no doubt that you’re horny right now, you can feel your slick dampening your underwear and you want him so badly. 

As you sit by one of the tables, looking over at your man behind the old barista bar, you can’t help but think about him bending you over the counter, fucking you from behind while Simon and Lee do a quick sweep of the building. It would be a quickie, over and done before they get back, but you don’t want to push Joel into doing something he isn’t comfortable with. 

So instead, you start off light and meet him halfway, to test the waters and see if public sex is something that he would be interested in doing. Rising from the chair and looking over your shoulder to see Simon and Lees back turned as they stood outside the building, you quickly walk around the bar and duck down. 

“Keep looking straight ahead,” You whisper to Joel after he looks in your direction, no doubt wondering what the hell you were doing. “Don’t make it obvious, babe. They didn’t see me come behind here.” 

“Who? Where? What are you talking about?” He questions, instantly assuming you meant danger as he proceeded to look around for it. “Simon and Lee,” You reassure him, then move in front of his legs. “Just act natural, okay handsome?” You ask. 

“Uh, I would but I don’t have a clue what yer mean, darlin’.” Joel chuckles bashfully, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he fights the urge to look down and see for himself what you were doing. He chokes on a grunt as you reach out to unbuckle his pants. “Uhh?” He grips the edge of the bar, knuckles turning white with worry. “What do yer think you’re doing?” 

“What does it feel like?” You giggle in a whisper, “I’m going to suck your cock, sexy.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Joel puffs out heavily, evidently aroused from your actions. He looks down at you and lingers on your mischievous looking grin beaming up at him with those big doe eyes. “Straight ahead,” You remind him quickly, to which he listens straight away. “Right, sorry.” He whispers. 

“Why are you so cute, Joel?” You ask rhetorically, amusement burning your cheeks with him playing along to your little games. You wrongfully assumed that he wouldn’t like this, that he would be well out of his comfort zone, but so far he looks comfortable and you’re happy that he is. You pull his dick out of his pants and look up to see the man fighting a losing battle. 

He’s already struggling, and you’ve barely touched him yet, and as much as you’d like to drag this out, to tease him and have fun, you don’t want to put him off the idea of doing this again in the future, so you don’t waste any more time and lean in to lick a path along the prominent vein, just how he likes it. “Fuuuck,” He groans quietly, eyes threatening to roll back into the sockets of his head as you suck the tip of him. 

For a little extra assurance, Joel reaches over the counter for his backpack sitting on the chair, the action pushing his cock inside your mouth. You gasp and moan around him with surprise, then reach out to grab his ass, keeping him buried for a few seconds more before he pulls back and sets his backpack down in front of him. 

“That’s better,” He mumbles while looking down into your eyes, “I can pretend I’m looking at something in my backpack. They won’t tell the difference all the way out there.” He refers to Simon and Lee, helping you to understand what he did up above as you clearly couldn’t see. He just wanted to reassure you that he won’t get caught for looking down. Your eyes are what he wants to focus on, not the surroundings of the building or his patrol partners. 

Just for safe measure, Joel opens his backpack and pulls out a couple items onto the counter, making himself look preoccupied as you audibly choke on his cock below. The noise you made was obscene and vulgar, causing him a great struggle to quieten his moans of pleasure. He lifts his gaze briefly and sees that everything is safe before looking back down into your eyes, his palm reaching behind your head to keep you steady as he rolls his hips forward. 

“There, that’s it, darlin’” He drawls gruffly, “Fuck! Almost there.” Stroking your cheek with the pad of his thumb, he picks up his pace and chases his orgasm. You relax your jaw and moan softly each time the head of his cock hits the back of your throat, the taste of salt telling you that’s close. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He gasps repeatedly before burying your nose into the hairs on his mound, spilling ropes of him cum down your throat. 

While you gag around him down below, Joel lifts his head once more, seeing that everything is still okay and he is safe, before pulling back and giving you a break for air. You look up at him to say something but stop yourself when seeing his expression change with greeting. He rolls his lips together, jerking his chins outwards as Simon and Lee pop their heads in the doorway. 

“Hey man. We’re about to check the perimeter. Where’s Y/N?” Simon asks, his question making you smile as Joel replies calmly. “Bathroom. Down the hall.” 

“Alright, cool.” Simon calls out, “Just making sure.” He explains, and you and Joel know why. It’s so he doesn’t get spooked and accidently shoots you, that’s the only reason why he’s asking where you are. 

“Radio us if you need help” Joel nods to him with a thin-lipped smile and as soon as they're out of view, he looks down at you, releasing a sigh as his shoulders relax. “Jesus. That was close, but…” He blushes while trying to find the right words, almost as if he’s ashamed to admit it. “But um, it was also really…”

“Exciting?” You answer for him, to which he nods in agreement. “Mhm. I think so too.” You rise from the floor to face him and lean in to peck his lips once before turning around. “I think we got about seven minutes before they walk through those doors again-” You giggle while pulling your pants and underwear down. “-Got another one left in ya, sexy?” 

“Does a bear shit in the woods?” Joel retorts with a smirk on his lips. “You keep a lookout this time, girl. Let me focus on making you cum.” 

“Oh, it would be my pleasu-fuuuck!” You whine as buries his cock inside your cunt, bottoming out in one swift motion. There’s no time for messing around, the man is getting straight to it by setting a slow, grinding pace before bringing his hand around to your front and rubbing nameless shapes on your clit. 

“I’ll make it up to you when we get home, babydoll.” Joel groans. Reaching out to wrap his free hand around your throat, that dash of dominance that he likes comes through beautifully as he applies a little pressure. “I’ll make love to you, darlin’, but right now I gotta be quick.” He says, his voice almost sounding remorseful for his beautiful act of intimacy being short and fast. 

“Joel,” You whine, and gasp louder than you intended to be. “Just fuck me, baby. Don’t matter how rough you are, I’ll tell you if it’s too much.” 

“Shit! Ok-ok,” He grunts. Picking up his pace and slamming into your cunt, you feel your ass jiggling from his actions and hear the audible slap each time his hips connect with your behind. “You look so good right now, baby. Nnugh! From this angle, taking my cock so well.” And there’s the dash of dirty talk coming through. 

“Oh yeah?” You whine, baiting him to babble more with that dirty mouth of his, to which he replies breathlessly. “Oh, fuck yeah. So beautiful, warm and tight. I love you so goddamn much, Y/N.” 

“I love you too, baby.” You pant. Squeezing his cock with a vice-like grip, your moans tell the man everything he needs to hear and can tell that you’re close. He quickly yanks you up to stand, pulling you flush to his chest and tilting your face to meet your lips in a kiss. 

“J-Joel,” You whimper, and he responds by slipping his tongue inside your mouth while spilling a load of his cum deep inside your cunt. He groans through the height of his climax, the last few thrusts from him becoming slow and lazy as he releases almost everything he has. You’ve left the man feeling spent and exhausted, the expression on his face speaking of pure satisfaction. 

You assumed Joel wouldn’t like public sex, but as it turns out, he loves it.

-

Perma Taglist (Everything): @marydjarin @kirsteng42 @supernaturalgirl @supernaturalgirl20 @harriedandharassed @joelmillerscoffee @joelsrifle @swtaura @alexxavicry @boliv-jenta @dragonsondragons @practicalghost @janebby @faceache111 @sleepylunarwolf @tusk89 @anismaria @graciexmarvel 

Joel Miller Taglist: @extraneous-trip @readsalot73 @luvmeijii @pale-gingerale @joelsflannel @something-tofightfor @ponyofmilfmom @hb8301 @squidwell @spideysimpossiblegirl @mooraakath @michele131 @chxpsi @zeida @wordsfromshona @dins-cyare @maggiehelene @trickstersp8 @killergodessmm @kunakizen @scorpio-marionette @churchofrain @munsonownsmyass @oogaboogasphincter 

[esta-elavaris]

22, 24, 28 please <3

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

Oh, all of the time. I used to have panic attacks over CTW, and even now I still think every time I post a chapter that this will be the one that exposes me as an absolute hack and everybody will unfollow and unsub 💀 I don't think it goes away, I think it just get easier to act in spite of. I remember when I was at uni, I gave my novel writing teacher the first chapter of my novel (the one I'm still working on now lmao) and when I had a meeting with him a week later to get my feedback, I walked in already apologising for how bad it was.

He had to stop me, be like "Lucy please just read the feedback, here" as he handed me his notes, and the feedback was literally 99% praise, paired with one minor piece of criticism over a paragraph that I already knew wasn't great. It's just how I am. CTW was written years after that, and there are still times when I'm furiously justifying plot decisions because I was certain they'd be hated and I was defending myself against hate that didn't even end up sprouting up (the captaincy of the Dutchman was a big instance of that), we really are our own worst enemies a lot of the time.

I would highly recommend reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. But also, just get used to doing the thing in spite of that fear. It's definitely disproportionate considering I don't really write anything too controversial, but this is the internet and you do occasionally get people just looking for problems. The funny part being that when they sprout up, I usually just laugh at them - the thought of them cropping up is worse than when they actually do. I just struggle to respect the opinions of people who spend their time being shitty to artists online, not least because they NEVER have any of their own stuff posted.

The only way I'd be able to take non-constructive criticism seriously would be if it came from a respected mutual because I'd know it was coming from a well-meaning place, but my lovely mutuals would never be non-constructive in their criticism, so the point is moot.

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

So I write daily as a rule, and after around four months of that (which were challenging, I won't lie, back when I started in 2020), whether or not I "felt" creative stopped being a factor in that equation. The more you show up, the more your creativity does, it really is like a muscle. Some days are still better than others -- I did find this year that having other creative outlets helps a lot. I think about writing and plot decisions etc. so often while I'm crocheting, because it gets me into that same zone but without the added stress of staring at an empty word document, which can be very intimidating at times.

Reading also helps! Fic is great, ofc, but I really can't emphasise enough how good it is to read books, and cast a wide net for that reading material. Rn I'm doing three reading challenges, one that revolves around classics, another where you read a book from every single country in the world, and a third where it's all book recs from mutuals, on top of whatever I'm mood reading, and I always have at least one non-fiction book on the go, too. Some of those reads end up being absolute stinkers, but it's a necessary process.

28. your least favorite part of the writing process

Descriptions! Dialogue comes so quickly and so easily to me - so many of my drafts start out just looking like a script because I'll get all of the dialogue down and then I have to fill in the bits in the middle. I'm not great with metaphor, and I struggle to wedge in my descriptions in a way that feels natural and not shoehorned in.

When I read back old stuff, though, I don't think that struggle shows too much, which is nice.

I also hate edits, because if I spend too long doing that I'll end up not wanting to post the chapter, so I have to find a nice balance between proofreading and not giving myself a chance to freak myself out...which is how an embarrassing number of typos and mistakes slip through.

Thank you!! 💜

Ask game ✨

[garden-ghoul]

Happy Gushiwensday Saturday! We have a mysterious new poet today. Please give a warm welcome to Yao Sui with "Waves Washing Over Sand Poem"!

The moon shines over ten thousand households and the slap of washwater. A cricket cries its sorrow. Who doesn't raise their hometown in their heart? It's too hard to speak a word, so I'll leave you the corner of my sleeve. Speech is fortified against me, distant as a forest of clouds. I look back into the depths of Jade Hall, wondering: whose funeral rope falls as silently as silk thread? At the gates I have no wine to pour for you, my lord, only long strings of words imploring you to leave a gift when you go. It would be like jade to me, or like gold.

Got a lot of notes this week, under the cut.

浪淘沙令

明月万家砧。蟋蟀哀音。何人不起故园心。一语最难留断袖，说观云林。 回首玉堂深。谁绋纶音。都门无酒与君斟。只赋祈招当赠别，如玉如金。

So, we don't know a ton about Yao Sui; he was a very nice and empathetic Yuan Dynasty guy as far as I can tell from his entry on Baike, and he attended the Hanlin Academy (which I think is mentioned in this poem). Aside from that my major goal here was to highlight his use of sound imagery. This poem actually has a very neat rhyme scheme: the line endings go zhēn - yīn - xīn - xiù - lín / shēn - yīn - zhēn - bié - jīn. So that's really neat! Unfortunately we don't have a modern Chinese translation from Gushiwen, so a lot of this is kind of wild guesswork.

the slap of washwater --- okay what it actually says here is "anvil," but Laurence suspects that it's a washing-anvil, and I like that because it has a very distinctive sound. Probably not the sound I've actually put in here, though (this isn't the first poem we've seen mention washing noises being a characteristic night sound, though Meng Haoran used 杵 pestle rather than 砧 anvil).

raise their hometown --- 起 might be more usually read as "set out" but raise or establish isn't too much of a stretch---I'm going for the image of someone making a copy of something familiar that they can look at when they miss it.

It's too hard... my sleeve --- this is one of the lines that we had a LOT of trouble with. My best attempt at a literal translation is "all of language is too difficult; leave a cut sleeve."

speech is fortified... clouds --- but this line is even worse!! It literally reads 说观云林 speak watchtower/monastery cloud forest. I'm playing on the vibe of 观 that it's a secluded or hard-to-access place, and making the cloud forest further evidence of its remoteness. I don't know that this is more correct than Laurence's "talking of the clouds and glades," but it definitely words better with my interpretation of the previous line.

Jade Hall --- I know jade is an axiomatically precious substance, but I think it makes more sense to read this as the Jade Hall in the Hanlin Academy. Do I know WHY he might have mentioned it? Absolutely not. This is a vibes-only stanza.

whose funeral rope... silk thread? --- another wonderfully cryptic four-syllable line, 谁绋纶音 who funeral rope silk thread sound. There's a lot to play with here; for instance, 纶音 is an imperial edict, so you can definitely read this as a metaphor about sacrifice and authority. I chose to read it as a metaphor about the impact of people's deaths, maybe a fellow scholar?

only long strings... when you go --- I'm not incredibly solid on what this means, it has a lot of synonyms for actions in it? But my main design objective was to parallel it to the cut sleeve line: the narrator now has access to large numbers of words (赋 literally 'poetic essay' among other things) and wants something to confirm that his regard is returned in the same way that the cut sleeve is emblematic of tender love.

It would be --- the literal is just "like jade like gold," but I don't think it should be read as "give me a gift such as jade or gold." I think it's an estimate of the value of the hypothetical gift.

[silkiemae]

The Sun and its Shade by Piper CJ

Edit 3/6/2023: That’s right, folks. I came back and forced myself to finish this stupid book because I have absolutely no self-control. If you were wondering if it gets any better after the 40% mark, it doesn’t. Strap in because the kid gloves are coming off. 

thank you to NetGalley for the ARC copy

THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THIS BOOK IN THIS REVIEW

the writing I know this is an ARC, so hopefully, these errors will be fixed by the time it's published, but there were a lot of punctuation marks and typos that needed to be corrected. Multiple instances of missing quotation marks when the chapter is starting with dialogue. The prose is just as overwritten as usual. Piper uses 97 words when she could use 5. It comes off just as pretentious and melodramatic as it did in the last book. Everything is so over the top that I constantly rolled my eyes. She misuses words all the time and has ridiculous metaphors that you have to reread 2 or 3 times just to make sense of. Basically, everything is as convoluted as it possible could be. Maybe some of ya’ll like this, but objectively this is not good writing. Sorry, not sorry. 

plot/characters So at the end of book one, Amaris and Gadriel escape from a battle arena on the back of a dragon, HP style and then jump off its back and conveniently land right next to this magic academy. The book ends, and one would assume that the sequel will lead to Amaris going to the academy and learning to hone her magic. If you thought that, then you would be WRONG. 

So we start exactly where we left off with little to no recapping of what happened in the last book. You're expected to remember, but it's hard considering how many unnecessary words are jammed between what little plot is actually in these books. They get taken to the magic school, and everyone thinks Gadriel is a demon, and they want to cage and study him. In some supremely dramatic and ridiculous monologuing, Amaris convinces the masters of the school that he's harmless. Amaris convinces herself Gadriel(now Gad) is her new best friend, but when Gadriel says, 'we fought together in Aubade' in response to being asked ', what does this woman mean to you?' she loses her MIND. She gets so assblasted mad because she thought they were friends, but APPARENTLY NOT. It's pathetic and ridiculous, and like Amaris is so naive and has no idea how the real world works at all. She cannot conceive why Gadriel won't share secrets he was sworn to keep with her even after he explains it could mean his life. Like how is Amaris supposed to be likeable lol?? Because Gadriel said they weren’t friends, and Amaris took that shit personally. Then he blames her for his shredded wings, and as usual, Amaris can’t take responsibility, much like her author counterpart. And this becomes a recurring thing in the book. Amaris stays butthurt nearly 500 pages in all because Gadriel said that she was ‘someone he fought together with’. Literally the entire book is them hot and cold with one another and it's exhausting. Neither of them are likable at all. 

They look at some books at the academy for two seconds, find zero answers and guess that this tower of magic has everything they need. And conveniently, it does. They climb 10,000 steps and find the hall of prophecies from the order of the phoenix (you know, the room full of shelves with glowing blue orbs well, this room also has shelves with glowing blue orbs, but the shelves are spiral-shaped, so it’s not plagiarism, guys.) otherwise known as the hall of orbs, and Amaris realizes the floor is invisible and there's an illusion cast over it. Gadriel goes to step over it, and instead of warning him like a normal person, Amaris screams wordlessly. That's it. Then she starts berating him for not paying attention to his surroundings, even though she should know by now that she can see illusions, but Amaris is too stupid to figure this out. After all, she's been aware of her powers for three years and only just started questioning their limitations and capabilities. She is literally an idiot. Gadriel asks Amaris if he can make the jump. She reads WAY too much into this question and thinks, "oh my god, Gadriel is putting his LIFE in my HANDS. He TRUSTS me." And I'm like...bitch; you're the only one who can see the distance. Are you for real rn? Anyway, he makes the jump, and Amaris cries in relief. Literally cries. Imagine if Indiana Jones cried in relief every time he solved a booby trap puzzle while searching tombs. He would look like an idiot. Amaris has a full-blown panic attack, considers leaving and becoming a seamstress and then jumps, doesn't make it, and almost dies, and then Gadriel saves her. They touch some magical glowing blue balls, get sucked into a pensieve(I mean orb), and see some curses/blessings where faeries explode into golden dust. They meet the oldest man ever, who happens to show them the exact thing they needed to see, then get tossed from the Tardis Tower. (it’s bigger on the inside)

Gadriel gets some conveniently 'manufactured' wings and can now fly again(literally has no lasting ill effects of having his wings literally shredded), and then they realize they've learned everything they needed to know and leave. (WHAT? YOU HAVE LEARNED LITERALLY NOTHING) They try to convince Amaris to stay, and she pretends like she's going to and then leaves at night, but it's the most dramatic thing ever. She tries to write it like it's something worthy of ballads, but there is no good reason why it would be. They didn't even do anything there. And that's it. That's all that happens with Amaris' magical boarding school plot, and that's when I realized how much of a waste of time this bullshit book is. You had a whole ass magical boarding school, and you didn't use it at all?? You could've had Amaris attend school, actually learn some things since she is the biggest idiot ever and then solve a whole mystery of how the school is corrupt and experimenting on people with unique magic while also searching for the answers to the curse. But no, Amaris learns about her powers in a different way, and WE WILL TALK ABOUT THAT IN A MOMENT. 

There’s a line I want to point out that I found hilariously ironic, and Piper(and Amaris) should take her own fucking advice. ” Ignorance is no one’s fault, but once you’re made aware of your lack, the choice to remain oblivious is when you become culpable.” So, if this is true, then why didn’t Amaris take advantage of the magic school so that she could not be ignorant about her abilities? Why does she continue to be ignorant of how she speaks with Gadriel by calling him terms she knows are offensive and racist? If this is true, why wouldn’t Piper fix what people have pointed in her book out as being racist, ableist and plagiarized. Why wouldn’t she do the work so she can not be an ignoramus? Hmmmm...

Now, the way that Amaris chooses to learn to wield her power is she ‘verbally consents’ to allow Gadriel to help train her. This book has a warning for consensual breathplay, but once again, Piper is full of shit and a liar. Saying, “yes, I would like you to train me to use my magic”, does not equate to “I consent to you strangling me in my sleep.” Yep, you read that right. Gadriel waits until Amaris is deep asleep, stands over her in a position that will ensure she can’t fight him off and strangles her until she explodes with sonic power(much like Ciri's power from the show....god, the plagiarism just will not stop.) And when she gets upset, he berates her for not using their safe word (snowbird). Tell me, how the fuck was she going to use a safe bird when you are cutting off her airway? How is she going to speak, let alone breathe? He says that he’s doing what any general would do for his troops, but in what fucking universe does a general strangle their troops in their sleep? This is not consensual breathplay, Piper, and if you think it is, then you need to reevaluate yourself and look up the definition of the word consent. 

Now on to Nox. Nox has been honestly just as irrelevant in this book as she was in the last book. She’s hanging out with Malik and Ash and has become a sudden Yes Man, and after literally a week hanging out with them, she decides she loves Malik. Are you fucking kidding me? This honestly makes me mad because Nox was coded as a lesbian. I don’t give a fuck if Piper says she’s bisexual. She wrote about her being repulsed by men, preferring women’s company. She literally says she doesn’t like men and prefers women, but because Piper really wanted to write some hetero smut, she forced her to be bisexual? Stupid af. Not to mention her obsession with Amaris. Has she suddenly forgotten about that all because one guy was nice to her? That’s pathetic. Stand your fuckin ground, Nox. Having her fall for Malik in this is a bad call because it nullifies the fact that she fought her way free from having to fuck men against her will just to get to the woman she loves, only to immediately fall for a guy for literally no reason. Malik doesn’t do anything to deserve being called ‘pure’ because he is literally no better than a sexy lamp at this point. If she had taken the time to actually cultivate a relationship here where Nox slowly learns to trust Malik, that would be a completely different story. But Piper was too eager to jump in and write smut. 

I also think it’s a strange choice to make your ‘dark fae’(which, according to Gadriel, is a racist term that has been used very freely throughout the entire book) have their powers associated with ‘nightlife’ and then make them all dubious POC. She even made their country's flag ‘bronze for the skin of its people’. That is a supremely weird thing to do. Nox literally says she is good at being sneaky because of her dark fae blood, which is also what makes her ‘bronze’. Gadriel, who is also dubiously brown, is good at picking locks. Like…Piper….what the fuck are you doing???? Stop being RACIST!!!???

Everything that happens in this book is pure convenience. Nox and Amaris constantly stumble upon the answers. There is no motivation; there is no urgency. Nox dallies most of the time at the Duke of Henares' house, eating a malum malus she got from the tree of life(which is called Yggdrasil because Piper can't make up original concepts, apparently, and has to steal from everything else). She sees the tree’s memories and watches this princess pray to the All-Mother for protection for her son. Then we find out that the priestess, who is only ever referred to as the Tarkhany woman with ‘onyx skin’, was blessed by the All Mother with immaculate conception and guess who the baby was? You guessed it. Amaris. The super white snowflake was immaculately conceived by a woman with very dark skin(because Piper has a really weird obsession with the contrast of dark and light skin, I guess). This is what they say to the nameless priestess(who actually dies earlier in this book in a very throwaway scene) when she asks if she gets to raise the child she just birthed. ”The child belongs to everyone and no one, beloved….This babe is the manifestation o the prayers of the faithful.” So not only is Amaris literally the purest PERFECT SNOWFLAKE ON EARTH BECAUSE SHE IS A MANIFESTATION OF A PRAYER(in other words, Jesus), but a nameless black woman was used and killed off for no other purpose than to be her vessel. 

We later discover that Nox's pen pal from the Chamber of Secrets, aka Tom Riddle, was actually the Gray Matron all along! She gets Nox to travel all the way back to the orphanage and tells her the truth(even though she had a literal magic quill she could've used to save everyone some time). Ya'll are gonna love this. Turns out that Princess Daphne, Queen Moirai's daughter, had a child with King Ceres from Raascot(the dark fae king dude). Daphne was apparently already married, and so to hide her child from this nameless husband, she goes to this CHILD MILL, leaves her daughter there and asks for a baby(specifically a boy) with similar coloring to her baby's. Then she leaves Nox there with the Grey Matron and brings the boy back with her and the boy immediately gets murdered because the nameless husband knows it's not his. This has left me with so many questions.

a) how did the orphanage/child mill have a baby of Nox's exact coloring when in TNAIM, we're told that Nox is a novelty and people of her complexion are never sold at the orphanage? She is literally put on display as a trophy becauseof her skin tone. So how did they manage to have a baby to exchange conveniently? (also, wow, way to callously kill some nameless child, Piper.)  b) how did no one realize Daphne had a baby girl? were there no midwives when she gave birth? this is medieval times; I highly doubt she gave birth alone because there's a huge chance of her dying. So how is it not a single soul outside of the nameless priestess and Agnes knew that Daphne actually had a girl? When Daphne went to the temple to pray for help, she asks for help specifically for her son. Why would she ask for help for a son she does not have? I know Piper was trying to trick us or whatever, but...that's just bad writing? Do you think the All-Mother is gonna realize you're actually talking about your hidden daughter, Daphne?  c)why, if Agnes never intended for Nox to be sold, did she allow Millicent to take her to the brothel? She says she didn't know how to deny her without spilling the beans, so she just....lets Nox be taken? In what world does that make sense? If she's supposed to protect Nox why did she let Nox think it was Amaris who needed to be protected? Why would she allow Nox to put herself in harm's way to protect Amaris? Why would she allow Nox to be whipped? Why would they constantly talk about Amaris being perfect and unmarred if it was truly Nox who was the important one and they knew it all along? None of this makes sense. 

Nox was named Nox, so she wouldn't forget the north. Fucking kill me. Well, she clearly knew nothing about it, so. 

Amaris tells Gadriel that she got turned on when he choked her nonconsensually, so then he chokes her consensually(even though she freaked out when he choked her and this could easily trigger her into another panic attack, but okay.). She blows him, and he finger bangs her while choking her but won't take her virginity because it should be gentler the first time. First of all, you cannot tell me that Amaris still has her 'maidenhood' when she's been riding horses all this time. Piper doesn't know shit about horseback riding, though, and that's obvious. Second of all, I am convinced Piper has a secret incest kink. Why do you ask? 

Well, Nox and Amaris were written as sisters, but now they're apparently star-crossed lovers? (yet they're boning random men along their journey to find one another. Makes sense.) Nox and Amaris are actually 100% based on Yennefer and Ciri from the Witcher, which is a mother/daughter relationship(Piper can say this book has nothing to do with the Witcher all she likes, she literally dedicated to this book to Henry Cavill as Geralt. We're not idiots.). Amaris calls her fellow reevers her 'brothers' and then tries to fuck one of them. And now she has a daddy kink with Gadriel(proven by the fact that Piper continuously calls him Dadriel.) 

Don’t give your money to Piper CJ. 

currently reading

This is what happens when you write a book in 9 days and don’t accept constructive criticism. You get sentences like this. 

“She knew she was about to watch the head of a man as it was gnawed from where it connected to his shoulders.”

The whole book is like this. How did this pass the beta reading process?? This is not ready for publication. 

pre-review

ya'll remember that time that Piper said that TNAIM wasn't even inspired by the witcher and then she went ahead and dedicated this book to Henry Cavill as Geralt? Yeah, me too.

thank you to NetGalley for the ARC copy

THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THIS BOOK IN THIS REVIEW

BIG WOOF, YA'LL. I gave up at 40% because I couldn't take it anymore. If you follow my reviews, you know how much it pains me to DNF books, but I'm trying this thing in the new year where I don't torture myself as much with bad books. If it's like dragging my body through shards of glass just to read one chapter, I won't do it. The fact that I made it to 40% is a miracle. Nothing of importance even happened in those over 200 pages.

the writing I know this is an ARC, so hopefully, these errors will be fixed by the time it's published, but there were a lot of punctuation marks and typos that needed to be corrected. Page one is missing a quotation mark in the very first sentence. The prose is just as overwritten as usual. Piper uses 97 words when she could use 5. It comes off just as pretentious and melodramatic as it did in the last book. Everything is so over the top that I constantly rolled my eyes. She misuses words all the time, has ridiculous metaphors that you have to reread 2 or 3 times just to make sense of. For example; the deer within Amaris tensed to run for the opposing tree line. So there's a deer within Amaris now? How about; It blocked their ascension with the stoic ferocity of an impenetrable sentinel. That was so many words for no reason. 

plot/characters Alright, like I said, I read a little less than half of this book, but I'm going to tell you about what I read, and I'm also going to tell you some things that I've been told by others who have read and finished this book. First, I was expecting this book to be about Amaris going to a medieval magic boarding school and Nox maybe becoming a monster hunter with the help of Malik and Ash. If you were expecting that, too, you would be sorely disappointed. We get some monster hunting from Nox, but Amaris is entirely useless. 

So we start exactly where we left off with little to no recapping of what happened in the last book. You're expected to remember, but it's hard considering how many unnecessary words are jammed between what little plot is actually in these books. Starting with HP rip-off number one, Amaris and Gadriel are dropped from the back of a dragon into/near a lake surrounded by a forest conveniently near this magical academy that happens to have the answers they're searching for. What are the chances?? They get taken to the magic school, and everyone thinks Gadriel is a demon and they want to study him. In some supremely dramatic and ridiculous monologuing, Amaris convinces the masters of the school that he's harmless. Amaris convinces herself Gadriel(now Gad) is her new best friend, but when Gadriel says, 'we fought together in Aubade' in response to being asked ', what does this woman mean to you?' she loses her MIND. She gets so assblasted mad because she thought they were friends, but APPARENTLY NOT. It's pathetic and ridiculous, and like Amaris is so naive and has no idea how the real world works at all. She cannot conceive why Gadriel won't share secrets he was sworn to keep with her even after he explains it could mean his life. Like how is Amaris supposed to be likeable lol?? Because Gadriel said they weren’t friends, and Amaris took that shit personally. Then he blames her for his shredded wings and as usual, Amaris can’t take responsibility much like her author counterpart. 

They look at some books for two seconds, find zero answers and guess that this tower of magic has everything they need. They climb 10,000 steps and find the hall of prophecies from the order of the phoenix, otherwise known as the hall of orbs, and Amaris realizes the floor is invisible and there's an illusion cast over it. Gadriel goes to step over it, and instead of warning him, Amaris screams. That's it. Then she starts berating him for not paying attention to his surroundings, even though she should know by now that she can see illusions, but Amaris is too stupid to have this figured out. After all, she's been aware of her powers for three years, and only just started questioning their limitations and capabilities. She is literally an idiot. Gadriel asks Amaris if he can make the jump. She reads WAY too much into this question and is like, "oh my god, Gadriel is putting his LIFE in my HANDS. He TRUSTS me." And I'm like...bitch, you're the only one who can see the distance. Are you for real rn? Anyway, he makes the jump, and Amaris cries in relief. Literally cries. Imagine if Indiana Jones cried in relief every time he solved a booby trap puzzle while searching tombs. He would look like an idiot. Amaris has a full-blown panic attack, considers leaving and becoming a seamstress and then jumps, doesn't make it, and almost dies, and then Gadriel saves her. They touch some magical glowing blue balls, get sucked into a pensieve and see some curses/blessings where faeries explode into golden dust. They meet the oldest man ever who happens to show them the exact thing they needed to see then get tossed from the Tardis Tower.

Gadriel gets some conveniently 'manufactured' wings and can now fly again and then they realize they've learned everything they needed to know and leave. (WHAT? YOU HAVE LEARNED LITERALLY NOTHING) They try to convince Amaris to stay, and she pretends like she's going to and then leaves at night, but it's the most dramatic thing ever. Like they made it into something that apparently is worthy of ballads, but there is no good reason why it would be worthy of ballads. They didn't even do anything there. And that's it. That's all that happens with Amaris' magical boarding school plot, and that's when I realized how much of a waste of time this bullshit book is. You had a whole ass magical boarding school, and you didn't use it at all?? You could've had Amaris attend school, actually learn some things since she is the biggest idiot ever and then solve a whole mystery of how the school is corrupt and experimenting on people with unique magic while also searching for the answers to the curse. 

On the other hand, Nox is now a Yes Man and likes Malik and Ash and is probably gonna fuck Malik, which I think is bullshit considering she was coded as a lesbian. Call her bisexual all you want, and I won't believe you. She was repulsed by the touch of men, only sought comfort from other women and was OBSESSED with her 'precious little snowflake'. Having her bone a dude in this is a bad call because it nullifies the fact that she fought her way free from having to fuck men just to get to the woman she loves. 

I think it's weird that the northern fae is all known to have 'bronze skin'; their powers are associated with 'night life', and their colors are 'black and copper', and they are considered the 'dark fae' aka the 'evil demons'. Like....girl... do you not see how deeply fucked up that is? Like, what are you doing? lmao. 

Now, some things I was told. Amaris was immaculately conceived by a black woman. I repeat. The perfect white, special snowflake was immaculately conceived by a black woman. The precious perfect too pure for this world white woman who had her 'bronze-skinned succubus friend' whipped on her behalf. Oh, and Nox is the princess of both countries; the grey matron who made Nox her serving girl was aware of this and allowed Nox to be whipped and sold to a brothel. Also, Nox was named Nox so that she wouldn't forget she was a 'dark fae'.....What the fuck??

Also, the 'consensual breath play' is not consensual, jsyk. You can't consent when you're asleep, and someone starts choking you. You're fucking asleep. Good god. 

currently reading

This is what happens when you write a book in 9 days and don’t accept constructive criticism. You get sentences like this. 

“She knew she was about to watch the head of a man as it was gnawed from where it connected to his shoulders.”

The whole book is like this. How did this pass the beta reading process?? This is not ready for publication. 

pre-review

ya'll remember that time that Piper said that TNAIM wasn't even inspired by the witcher and then she went ahead and dedicated this book to Henry Cavill as Geralt? Yeah, me too.

[bonesandthebees]

Phil has this incredibly combination of sharing just enough to reach Wilbur, and then serve cutting and hitting words which are exactly what Wilbur needs to hear, whether or not he wants to hear them. They're honest and/or meant to intrigue and bring thought (I can't really say Phil is fully good either, he's done and said some questionable things, but this point and their previous conversation, this stands true), spoken completely out of experience, they're all very good at shaking Wilbur somehow or the other. This feels like a catalyst to a domino effect.

Phil used Reasoning And Experience!

It's super effective!

He uses Wilbur's own words against him, calling him pathetic and everything Wilbur calls himself. But it hits Wilbur in an uncomfortable way of denying everything they really _mean_ while feeling like the word itself is true. It's like using words and sentences without knowing or fully comprehending what it is that the words are. The exact same thing I wondered earlier, where Wilbur "knows" that he isn't the man he wants to be, but doesn't really accept it until he's fully faced with it.

Like now, actually.

The anger, as described here, is more like a feeling of rebellion within his own skin, his own feeling. A natural reaction to everything he's gone through and put himself through. Here, it's not an outcome of sadness. It's anger born out of circumstance and experience. Almost exactly like Phil's.

Also, absolutely brilliant how somehow or the other you use wave and pillar metaphors literally everywhere even outside the stability idea. It ties everything together so well. And a splendid usage of emotion and inner monologue, like always.

- ❄️ The Last of the Snowy Rambles, second last of my asks!

oh yeah phil isn't meant to be good by any means in this story, but he's not a horrible person either. he has his own motivations for stuff and his own ways of doing things, and in some instances his way of motivating or helping wilbur works really well! and in other instances it absolutely does not help and just makes things worse. either way though, he wants to make wilbur rethink his own position on things, especially given how stubborn and ingrained his perspective is. so he challenges his thoughts and tries to get him to rethink what he does, and it seems to be working so far, even if it's not having the best effect on wilbur's mental health.

the anger wilbur keeps mentioning is a result of the deep-seated trauma he has from the way he's been treated his entire life on eldingvegr. whether it's triggered by sadness or a reminder of his experience, it's always going to stem from that. phil's anger is similar, but different, and so is the way he reacts to it. it's a really fun thing to play around with.

aaa thank you!! I definitely went ham with the pillar and wave metaphors the last two chapters so I'm really glad you're enjoying them still. I never meant for those to become so deeply intertwined with wilbur's thoughts, but it's been very enjoyable to play around with them.

[theoctober18thproject]

I’m so glad you’ve safely arrived to the city. Right now you should be sitting in my spot, or, if our table is unavailable, somewhere that is facing the pointing ladies pictures. This is important, so if you didn’t read the prior instructions, please make sure you’re sitting appropriately. And also you should order the darkest, blackest thing on the menu ;). Okay, so you’re probably wondering what you’re waiting for. You’re waiting for the next clue to be delivered to you. Just sit tight, please don’t move around because I have sent instructions to my deliverer of the clue on where you’ll be as well as what you look like;). So, during this time, your mini task is to just read this.

Happy October 18th. This day is one of my absolute favorites of the year. That’s because four years ago on this day we decided to begin our life of commitment to each other. Since then, our relationship has grown to be and mean so much more. I never would’ve been able to predict what we have today being a real possibility, and if I knew that then, I’d be in disbelief yet filled with excitement. Our relationship means so much to me. You have been by my side supporting me and loving me unconditionally through everything. That’s some real dedication because you and I both know I can be a little crazy and out there, so it means a lot to me knowing you willingly want to deal with that…lol. I wish I could be here with you right now, at our spot. Please enjoy it for me! I miss the city in the fall. The colors are so vibrant and perfectly depict our colorful love story. I want to just share some of my favorite memories with you here, and no, these will not be in chronological order. Firstly, remember that time we went out to eat with my grandparents? That is such a special memory for me because it was so surreal to see the generational difference between my grandparents and then us. I imagined us being their age and looking back on this memory and just being filled with joy knowing we got to see our love live its full life. Another memory that I love is not really a specific memory, but rather something you tend to do. It’s when I mention wanting something and whether that be a thing or an experience, you take note of it and make it happen. Now trust me, I don’t like it when you do this all the time because it makes me feel bad, but when it’s little things I just feel so loved. You always make sure to surprise and spoil me. There’s not a moment where I don’t feel unconditionally loved by you. Remember that time in December when we celebrated our engagement with sparkling grape juice? That was so silly with us rolling on the kitchen floor laughing our asses off. I’ll never forget that. You’re the only person I can laugh with like that over absolutely nothing. Another thing this reminds me of is the numerous times you’ve cared for me while I was inebriated. That one time after Bella’s, you held my hair back when I threw up on the lawn, and then again in the bathroom. You picked grass off of my hair and helped me change clothes. You also brushed me teeth for me. All that being said- I still hold a grudge for when you got upset for me wiping my face on your shirt #sorrynotsorry. Another instance of your nurturing care is that time I was on shrooms. Thank you for telling me I could be completely myself even if that likely embarrassed you (who am I kidding, you don’t get embarrassed). Thank you for getting me ice-cream and thank you for attempting to wipe my face clean of boogers, ice-cream, and tears (you really just made a biohazard combination of all of those, but hey, it’s the thought that counts). There’s so many more memories with you that I adore, but these are just a few. I love you, Mark, and I always will. Here’s to four years of the craziest adventure I’ve ever been on. I’m so excited for our future together- this next year bring a lot of changes, but it will also bring us so much closer metaphorically and literally! When you’re finished reading this, please message ms. kh (me) the secret passcode phrase “ravioli proton #4”. This will notify the clue deliverer that you are ready to receive the next hint! Thank you for reading this, please sit tight and wait for your next clue.

Love,

kh

[herinsectreflection]

The hilarious part about Faith and how incredibly gay she comes across is that it's all a natural side-effect of her intended narrative role. According to Whedon she wasn't intentionally written to be a queer or even queer-coded character, but the way she is written and her metaphorical function necessarily meant she came across as queer-coded. I'll explain what I mean:

1) As Buffy's shadow, Faith is meant to be symbolic of Buffy's repressed desires, and specifically her frustrated sexuality. Buffy is dealing with imposed chastity throughout S3, first with her trauma over Angel getting in the way of a relationship with Scott, and then the curse preventing her from being physical with Angel. It's the centre point of Enemies, its touched on in Amends, and is one of the reasons they break up. There's a reason the season climaxes with Angel and Buffy in a passionate embrace, making orgasm faces as he 'penetrates' her. It's a whole season of sexual frustration for Buffy.

Faith needs to be constantly reminding Buffy of the thing she can't have - sex. She needs to talk about sex to Buffy - and she does, extensively. Faith is written as a very sexual person in general, but it's specifically and disproportionately aimed towards Buffy, because that's her narrative role. So you end up with this character who is constantly going around like "hey Buffy do you like sex? you should think about sex now. sex. when I'm on screen the main thing on your mind should be sex and having it". Which begs the question - why does Faith want Buffy to have sex? Symbolically, it's because she represents part of Buffy, and Buffy wants to have sex. But on a pure character level... what is the explanation? What is motivating Faith to constantly talk about sex to Buffy? A few instances you can write off as her making Buffy uncomfortable for jokes, but not all of them. How it comes across is that Faith has some sexual interest in Buffy, and is probing for her feelings.

2) Faith is a Seductress. That's not a comment about her character, that's her function in the story. She is the version of Buffy who goes down a darker path, and is trying to seduce her into doing the same thing. Part of Buffy's arc in S3 is resisting this temptation, and the symbol of what she is resisting is Faith. So Faith must be an enticing, seductive figure. To quote Passion of the Nerd's review, if Faith is there to to tempt Buffy into a moral dark side, it only makes sense that she is, well, tempting. The seduction is happening on many levels.

Faith is more or less filling the Femme Fatale archetype: the seductive, sexual figure who leads the Hero off their path. It's a trope you see all the time in male-led stories, going back to goddamn The Odyssey. Buffy as a character was invented as a simple gender-swap of an old horror trope, and part of the appeal of the show is that she gets to fill the role of The Hero as a woman. So what happens when you gender-swap The Hero and don't gender-swap the Femme Fatale? You get a gay story, that's what.

3) The Faith arc of S3 is a recreation of the Angel arc of S2. It is structured in the exact same way, with the two having a push-and-pull in the early parts of the season, a setback in their relationship in episode 7, getting closest again mid-season before a night of passion that ends in sudden tragedy. Angel/Faith then turn to the dark side, become the Big Bad, and show that they are beyond saving in episode 17. The season ends with Buffy having to fight and the kill them in order to save others. This is all an intentional recycling, as part of the show building up the Trolley Problem and the idea of Buffy being a killer, repeatedly escalating it to get us to The Gift. What this means is that Faith steps into the role that Buffy's love interest played in the previous season. This is the story that we have just had told to us as a tragic love story. We see it again, and guess what? It's still a tragic love story. Only now Faith is in the role of the love interest.

4) Part of the conflict surrounding Buffy and Faith is Buffy's fear of being "Single White Female'd". She fears Faith might steal her loved ones, and Faith does threaten that. She gets along with her mother, her friends... but most of all, her love interests. Buffy's fear of being replaced manifests as Faith trying to literally seduce away anyone romantically linked to Buffy. Angel, Scott Hope, Xander, later Riley, Spike, Robin Wood... Faith is comprehensively and exclusively attracted to men that Buffy dated. I'm honestly surprised she didn't find Owen and Parker from somewhere for a night in the sack. Again, this makes perfect heterosexual sense from a symbolic point it view - she threatens to take Buffy's place in the narrative, so she takes her place in relationships - but on a character level it becomes ambiguous. Is she actively trying to replace Buffy? Or is she trying to stop Buffy dating anyone for another reason? The simple fact is, there is exactly one common denominator with all of Faith's romantic entanglements: Buffy.

It's a canonical aspect of Faith's character that she is jealous of Buffy. We see that made explicit in Enemies - she's jealous of everything Buffy has: her family, her comfortable home life, her friends, her narrative standing, and of course her loving partners. So of course Faith displays jealousy whenever Buffy is involved with a guy. It's a necessary part of building Faith as this figure of Want and Envy. But how it plays out on screen isn't that Faith is jealous of Buffy because she wants these other guys - of course not, because we see her look jealously through the window at Buffy and Riley in This Year's Girl and Riley obviously means nothing to her. Rather, it very much appears that she is jealous of these other guys, because she wants Buffy.

There's also the added bonuses that come from the show playing with so many metaphors, that sometimes they cross in interesting ways. One of Faith's main purposes is to celebrate being a Slayer, and to encourage the same in Buffy. She wants Buffy to accept and embrace being a Slayer. Here, Slayerhood is standing in for independence and hedonism and making your own rules, all the things that Faith is encouraging. But one of the many other metaphors used is the 'coming out' metaphor. "Have your tried not being a slayer?" "It's because you didn't have a strong father figure isn't it." "I've tried to march in the Slayer Pride parade." It's a note that's hit really hard specifically around the time in the show that Faith is introduced. So if you carry this metaphor on, then Faith becomes an out-and-proud lesbianSlayer, trying to convince Buffy to accept and embrace her sexuality.

And it has a recursive effect too. All this stuff contributes towards Faith feeling like a very queer character. And Faith, of course, is Buffy's shadow self, meant to represent her unconscious desires. So when the symbol of your unconscious desires is so lesbian-coded, then the implication becomes that one of your unconscious desires is lesbian desire. Faith's existence as a part of Buffy implies the existence of Buffy's bisexuality. Which contributes to the relationship feeling ever more queer, which makes Faith even gayer.

I find this absolutely hilarious, because the queer subtext was never intended. Joss Whedon apparently was annoyed that people read this into their relationship, and the commentary from the other writers that does address it tends to point to Dushku's performance. And yeah, she is definitely leaning into that in her portrayal. But the main reasons that so many people have this reading all come from the writing. It's all stuff that is integral to the point of her character. Every metaphor and function in the narrative, every symbolic purpose she has, none of it was meant to be gay and yet it all leads directly to Faith appearing to be totally and completely gay. The queerness is accidental and unavoidable. And I just find that really fucking funny.

[vpofcookies]

I didn't even talk about farming in my Techno as Trade post even though that's the reason I had the idea in the first place because I'm a fool that wrote the whole post at like 2 a.m.

SO, why I thought Technoblade could be a god of trade, through the lense of farming:

Technoblade is very well known for his success in the Potato wars. While this was a competition between farmers, the fact that it was a war is evident in the tactics used, the time and resources invested, and the mentalities of those involved. It was far more similar to a military campaign than a gardening competition. So, if Technoblade is often treated as a character closely connected to war and therefore bloodshed, but this war had no bloodshed, what is the connection between the two? The connections I found were strategy, respect, trust, and most importantly, trade.

In pvp Technoblade might trade a few hits to himself for an opportunity for a crit. In the potato war technoblade trades time that could be spent farming for an opportunity to evaluate squidkid's methods. In both cases Technoblade has absolute respect for his opponent, but also knows that actions that may seem to be a disadvantage to him may end up being an opportunity to gain valuable intel about the opponent. As discussed in the other post, in war the lives of others may be sacrificed as a trade for survival. In farming, time and effort are traded for the growth of life.

Another aspect that made me consider this idea was Philza retelling stories of Technoblade's hyperfocus on the potato war and the concern his friends had for him. While I know this was a facet if Technoblade's real-life actions and not of his character, his character often reflects that same motivation and dedication, investing his abilities at the cost of himself in order to achieve a larger goal. For instance: farming for hours in the potato war, acting as a sell sword for pogtopia, creating farms and finding armor for the resistance, hiding Tommy, and going to prison for Dream. Each of these examples came at a cost to Technoblade that he traded for his values: dedication and respect of his opponent, anarchy, choice, hospitality, reciprocity, and a life free of control. The trades that Techno makes are not equal trades. Absolute reciprocity does not mean 'fairness'. Trade means that what is traded is perceived by the scale of the value it had to a specific person.

But, back to the farming.

To farm, one is required to invest time, energy, resources, and careful effort for the trade of growth and life. Technoblade does this often: in the potato war, in his retirement, in the syndicate, planting both literal and metaphorical seeds to grow. Plants are a trade of life just as much as war is, although trading water for growth that will be used as food to sustain life is a much more palatable circle of life than trading blows on a battlefield to end one life to save your own.

I've mentioned this before, but I've always associated Technoblade with roses. Did you know roses grow well with blood? The nitrogen helps them grow. But these plants, with their thorny outside that protects delicate petals growing on blood, remind me of Technoblade's reputation as the blade and as the blood god hiding his carefully cultivated trust. But Technoblade trades his time and efforts for his goals. Trades his retirement for his violent reputation to gain protection. Trades violence for choice. Trades freedom for his values. He trades, and slowly - so slowly - the goals he was always trying to achieve begin to grow, just as his garden in that arctic frost begins to grow.

Farming is a trade in the most basic sense. We trade effort and time for growth. But there are many things that grow, and many things to trade for them.