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suchalonelysunflower · 4 years ago

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Merry Crisis (a.i)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin (ft.5SOS) X Fem!reader (Dad!Ash)

Summary: Shopping is always stressful, but when you have a baby on the way... it can become a chaos, especially when you have 3 crazy best friends with you.

Warnings: Language. Fluff and some crackhead moments. Reader uses she/her pronouns. Mentions of Birth. Some grammar mistakes (English is not my first language, sorry)

Word count: 4.5 k

Author’s note: Hello! This is my first Holiday fic with 5SOS and it’s Ashton’s turn to shine (even tho each boy gets their moment) This was so fun to write, I did it on my sociology class (so maybe it’s not that perfect) and I love it very much and I hope you do too! Reblogs, feedback and comments are always welcome and encouraged! Support your writers! ❤️ Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋❤️

My materialist // wanna be on my tag list?

Twas the evening before Christmas, the streets were filled with Christmas lights and the chill air of Los Angeles made everything cozier as families gathered around the fireplace and enjoyed the most peaceful of times…

This statement does not apply to our favorite band, tho.

Our four Australians were not enjoying a cup of hot cocoa with their families as they were supposed to, oh no. They were doing the most dreadful thing a person could think of doing the night before dear Santa came to visit: They were Christmas shopping.

In their defense - or at least Calum’s, Michael’s and Luke’s defense, this was all Ashton’s fault for he was the one that dragged them to the crowded mall in the middle of one of the busiest days of the year. And, in Ashton’s defense, it was not his fault that the store had called him in the middle of a recording session to tell him that they finally had the only thing he wanted for Christmas: A music box.

He just had to get it before everyone else.

“Why did we come all over here for a little music box?” Asked Michael as they stood at the end of the line for the register. How could they only have one register open? It’s Christmas for fucks sake! but then again, it’s Christmas for fucks sake, so they know that people should be with their families instead of working a poorly paid job.

“It was the last one!” Ashton claimed, admiring the little circular box in his hand “It’s a limited edition and I just had to get it for Y/N and for the baby”

His eyes lit up when your name escaped his lips. Not even a year ago did he officially make you his wife, but now you were carrying his child! People might think it was rushed, but for Ashton it was the complete opposite. He had his life made when he met you, knowing that he will marry you as soon as he could… he had to wait a few more years to do that, but he was extremely happy, more so now that your little family was expanding. He loved you and your child with all his heart, and the boys all knew that so they can't even be mad about it, even if he kidnapped them to the mall with the promise of some cinnabuns later.

“She had one of these when she was little” Ashton continued as he admired the little hand painted details of the box “It always played a little lullaby to help her sleep. But it broke a few years ago and she always complained about not having one like this for her kids one day… But now she will!” The black haired man smiled.

“Shit, that’s actually pretty sweet” Michael commented “Okay, you’re forgiven”

“I don’t know if I want to hug you for being the perfect husband, or to kick you in the balls for being the perfect husband and making the rest of us feel bad” Luke chuckled.

The four boys laughed at the comment and started talking about their plans for the Holidays as they waited for the line to move. The problem was, it has been fifteen minutes and the line has only moved once.

“How long is this line anyway?” Calum said, peeking over the side, furrowing his eyebrows as he noticed at least thirty more people waiting in front of them “Shit, this is going to take a while. That man has at least twenty plushies and eleven race cars”

“I don’t know how people could leave this kind of stuff for the last minute” Ashton huffed, earning a death glare from each of his friends “This one is different, tho! It was the last one!”

“I’ll give you a hundred bucks for that!” Someone said behind Luke, making him jump at the sudden surprise.

“What the-” Luke said, placing a hand over his heart.

It was a short man in a trench coat who pointed to the music box in Ashton’s hand.

Ashton furrowed his eyebrows and said to the man “Uh, not a chance mate”

“Two hundred?”

“Nope”

“Five hundred?” The man would just not cave and Ashton was getting fed up with it, luckily Calum noticed and hurried to say something before his friend started a scene.

“Hey, mr. Devito wannabe. He said no, so just go bother someone else. Okay?”

The man scoffed and turned his face to the side, stating that he was offended. The four Australians rolled their eyes and turned their backs to him once again.

Another fifteen minutes passed and the line barely moved. The guys were not talking anymore, running out of things to say past the twenty minute mark. Each of them were bored out of their minds, well all but Ashton at least, he was still gleaming with pride as he looked at the music box and created scenarios in his head and thought about the joy that would be mirrored in your eyes once you open it tomorrow morning.

After a few more minutes of silence, Luke was the first one to break it “I think I’m just gonna get a coffee and wait in the car. These boots are killing me today” He looked at Ashton as if to ask permission, but the dark haired man just shrugged and nodded, asking him to buy one for him as well and to leave it in the car.

Michael then added “Yeah, I think I’m gonna go and check the electronics this store has. I think I saw a new camera that would be perfect for my streams”

And that only left Calum and Ashton waiting in line. But about five seconds later, Calum opened his mouth.

“Yes, you can go explore, too” Ashton said with a sigh before Calum even got a chance to ask.

“Cool” The curly man said, patting Ashton on the back before muttering a ‘I’ll be right back’ Leaving him alone with the music box.

Ashton didn’t mind. In fact, he kind of enjoyed this time alone. It gave him plenty of opportunities to imagine a new future for the both of you next to your little baby boy or girl. He catched a glimpse of families walking around the mall, buying gifts or eating a snack as they smiled at each other. He couldn’t wait for that to be his new normal.

He remembered the time when you told him you were pregnant. You gifted him a special baby bodysuit that said “My daddy is the best drummer in the world and there is nothing you can do about it” next to your positive pregnancy test. Ashton always wanted to start a family, especially if it was with you, but he never expected it to be so soon. Yet, once he held the test in his trembling hands, he knew that this was the best thing it could’ve happened to him. He remembers how tearful he got the second his brain processes the information, quickly running up to you and pressing an earth shattering kiss to your lips, promising you and your baby that he would be the best father in the world.

And, as he held the little object in his hand, he already thought he was doing a pretty good job. He smiled to himself and thought about calling you. Not only did he want to hear your voice at this moment, but also because he wanted to check up on you. You were having tea with your best friend at the moment, but the pregnancy hormones were hitting pretty hard lately and he wanted to make sure you were doing alright.

But as soon as he got his phone out of his pocket, your name started glowing on the screen.

“Baby! I was just about to call you” Ashton said with a smile, loving this little coincidence.

“Ashton, is coming!” You said in an alarming tone. Ashton, however, did not understand what you meant.

“Yeah? I’m coming home soon, why are-?”

“No!” You cut him off “The baby, Ash! The baby is coming!”

Ashton laughed “Ha, ha very funny Y/N. But the baby isn’t due until three weeks from now”

“ASHTON FLETCHER IRWIN” You yelled through the phone, making Ashton pull away from the phone for a second “MY WATER BROKE AND THE BABY IS COMING NOW. SO GET YOUR ASS TO THE HOSPITAL BEFORE I-” A sharp pain ran through you as you were experiencing the contractions. Ashton could hear your distant groan and immediately went pale.

The baby was coming and he wasn’t ready.

“Ash, hello?” Your friend’s calm voice came from the other end “I’m gonna take Y/N to the hospital right now. I need you to meet us there, okay?”

“Fuck, okay. I’m on my way” He rushed to say before he ended the call.

“Hey, dude. What’s going-?” Michael said as he approached the black haired man who looked like he might throw up.

“The baby’s coming!” He said, trying to concentrate on his breathing before he hyperventilates.

“What?!”

“Hey, Mike, is everything-?” Calum came next, worried about his friends’ weird behavior.

“THE BABY IS COMING”

Michael.

The guitarist started wandering the electronics and new technologies hall. He was secretly glad he got away from waiting in line for what it looked like another hour, but at the same time he was glad he decided to accompany Ashton in his little quest.

The moment he knew you were pregnant he set himself to be the best uncle that little kid will have. He already knew that you and Ashton were going to be great parents, with the way in which you love each other it was hard to think otherwise. Michael was always up for anything you guys wanted to do for each other, from secret dates or help you sneak out after a concert, or even to plan gifts! He always took pride to know that he was part of your epic love story, even if it was with just a little favor.

Michael stepped into the videogame aisle like he usually does, but this time he went directly to the kid’s section, knowing that eventually your baby will want to play videogames with uncle Mikey and he will have to be ready with the most family friendly games he could find.

He started grabbing a few of them and reading the little summaries they had on the back, eventually deciding that he did not understand anything about children’s games and that he might have to ask around in order to find the best ones.

He went back to the electronics aisle and something caught his attention.

“Is that a real megaphone?” He asked one of the workers there “I haven’t seen one since 2014” He said, remembering the last time the boys ever let him play with one of those in the Good Girls video.

“Yeah! It’s the new model” Said the teenage boy that was in charge of that seccion that day “Wanna try it out?”

“Before that, can I go and show it to my mates? I won’t be gone for long, they are just down the checkout line”

“Sure!” The young man smiled and gave him the megaphone.

Michael had a big smile on his face as he started walking towards Ashton to show him what he found. But his smile dropped the minute he saw Ashton’s face grew a thousand times paler.

He carefully walked up to him and asked “Hey, dude. What 's going-?”

“The baby’s coming!” Ashton said, trying to catch his breath.

“What?!”

Calum.

He hated the mall. He really did. There were always too many people, too much noise and the prices were always exaggerated. But he knew that he was here today for a good cause. Calum was not going to let his best mate down.

Ever since you came into Ashton’s life - and the boys’ life for that matter - he could tell that you were special. Not only because of the way Ashton talked about you all the damn time, but because of your energy, your passion, your kindness and obviously your undenying love for the drummer.

Calum was always the protective friend, always keeping his guard up for any new companion they boys might have. But with you it was different. The first time you two met was the day you instantly became best friends. He knew he could trust you to keep Ashton’s heart safe, and he knew that if Ashton ever broke your heart that he was going to have to kick his ass for being that stupid. Luckily, he wasn’t.

He was the first person (after Ashton, of course) to know about your pregnancy. He swore to himself that he would not let anything happen to his future godson/goddaughter. That baby was going to be the perfect mixture of his best friends, there was nothing in the world that could stop him from loving them just as much as he loves all of you. He even got them toys so they could play with Duke when they’re older! Needless to say that he was very, very excited.

As he wandered through the halls of the store he noticed a commotion next to the toys section.

A line of kids accompanied by their parents awaited in front of a huge chair decorated with fake snow and candy canes. Santa Claus was going to be there.

“Oh my god” A female voice said behind him “You are Calum Hood!”

Calum turned around and was faced with a young girl dressed as an elf looking at him like he hung the moon or something.

“That I am” He said with a smile “Hello, nice to meet you!”

“M-my name’s Lizza” The girl blushed “I’m a huge fan! Is it okay if- I mean, could I get a picture? Please?”

Calum smiled “Sure!”

Lizza squealed “Omg, okay. But, can we do it over there? The kids aren’t supposed to see me yet” She said, pointing to a corner with a curtain and some costumes, presumably Santa’s and his elves'.

Calum nodded and followed the girl, catching a glimpse of the Santa Claus outfit “Do you think I can wear that for the picture?” He asked. Honestly, he just wanted to know how it would feel like to dress up as Santa, knowing he would one day have to do it for your child.

“Of course!” The girl said, taking her phone from her purse and giving it to another elf so he could take the picture.

Once the picture was done, he started to strip off the big red coat, the white beard and the hat when suddenly he had an idea “Is it okay if I borrow this for a while? Maybe five minutes? I wanna prank some friends that are at the check out”

“Uhh”

“I’ll give it back, I promise,” He said with a smile.

Lizza sighed “Sure! We have another one for emergencies”

“Cool, thanks Lizza”

Calum walked away with the fake beard, the warm coat and the hat, feeling cheeky as he approached the line.

“What?!” He heard Michael yell. And although Michael always yells, this one seemed important as his voice sounded concerned.

“Hey, Mike, is everything-?” Calum said, approaching his friends with a very confused face. But before he could even finish the question, Ashton looked at him with fear in his eyes.

“THE BABY IS COMING”

Ashton.

This was not good. Not good at all. His wife is at the hospital about to give birth and he is still in the line of the fucking mall.

“Oh shit!” Calum said, looking frantically over the line that was still too long “OH SHIT”

“Okay calm dow- Is that a Santa costume?” Michael asked.

“Calm down?!” Calum said, panicking “My best friend is having a baby and you tell me to CALM DOWN?!”

“I’m having a baby…” Ashton said in a whisper, not really paying attention to what was going on around him “I’m having a baby”

“Not you!” Said Calum “Well... also you but I meant Y/N! She’s the one pushing it mate” But Ashton did not listen.

His whole world paused in that moment. Too many thoughts were running through his head as he tried to formulate a plan, any plan that would get him the quickest to you.

He thought he was doing a good job, he thought that he was going to be the best dad ever and now he was going to miss the birth of his first child because the line wasn’t fucking moving.

“Ash?” Michael called, but he wasn’t listening.

How could he screw this up so early in the game? Your baby wasn’t even born yet but he swore he could already feel their disappointment.

“Ash..”

And you! How could you ever forgive him?! You will surely file for divorce once the baby is born.

“Ashton!”

“What?!” He yelled, looking at Michael who was shaking him by the shoulders.

“Fucking breathe man! You almost turn purple there”

Michael started breathing at an even pace, motioning Ashton to breathe with him and so he did “It’s going to be okay, don’t worry about it”

“How can you say that?!” Ashton almost cried “I’m not even a dad yet and I’m already screwing up! Who doesn’t show up to the birth of his child?”

Michael rolled his eyes, knowing his friend was just talking out of fear than out of reason, and shook him by the shoulders again “Listen to me, you are already a great dad! You were a dad even before Y/N got pregnant and you are not going to miss the birth of my nephew or niece. I won’t allow it. But first I need you to calm the fuck down!”

Ashton looked at Michael and swallowed the lump in his throat “What if I’m not ready? What if we’re not ready?”

Michael chuckled “You asked me the same question when you were about to walk down the aisle a year ago. You were ready even before you knew you were and this is not different”

But before Ashton could say something, Calum walked up to them again.

“There are fourteen people ahead of us” Said Calum, who had just run up to the start of the line “If we asked them to move, we might get there in time”

“Or maybe you could leave the music box to me…” The man with the weird vibe intervened.

“Fuck off DeVito!” The three Australians yelled.

Suddenly, a lightbulb got turned on on Michael’s head “I got an idea!”

A panicked Calum dressed as Santa and a very panicked Ashton watched as Michael ran out of the store for a second, only to come back pushing a Target cart “Get in!” He said jumping in the cart and motioning to Ashton to follow him.

Ashton jumped inside without asking any questions, not even when Calum started pushing the car or when Michael turned on his… was that a megaphone?!

“Attention ladies and gentlemen” Michael said through the megaphone, making every single person turn their heads towards them, as if two large Australians standing inside of a shopping cart being pushed by a very tattooed Santa Claus wasn’t stiking enough “We have a man that’s going to become a father at any moment now while his wife is in the hospital! Please let us through!”

Ashton does not know if it was the weird scene they caused, his desperate face or Christmas magic that made everyone on the line take a step back as Calum pushed them through the checkout.

Once they got there, the cashier took his money, too shocked to say anything else as Ashton yelled “Keep the change!” As they rushed through the doors and towards the parking lot with Calum pushing the cart at a great speed with all of his energy as all the other customers looked at them and wondered what the hell was going on.

“Mommy?” A confused random kid asked “Why was Santa pushing those men on the cart?”

Luke.

His favorite Christmas playlist was playing in the car. He loved the holidays, but he hated Christmas shopping with his life. So he was very thankful that Ashton could understand this and let him wait in the car.

As he hummed through the song “His Favorite Christmas Story” he thought about the gift he got to your little unborn baby. As soon as he found out you were pregnant, he knew he had to spoil that kid rotten. Well, not that he knew he had to, but he wanted to. You and Ashton were the best people he has ever met, and he knew your little baby was not going to be different, so what’s wrong with giving that child the world they deserve?

A few months ago he talked to a friend of his that made customized presents made of crochet, so he asked if they could make a baby mobile to put over the crib. He also made sure to ask that the animals that were to adorn the mobile were your’s and Ashton’s favorites, and also throwing a little kangaroo in honor of their father’s homeland and a little penguin in honor of their future favorite uncle.

He smiled to himself as he thought he couldn’t wait to meet the little pal and how he couldn’t wait to start a family of his own. But his daydreaming got cut short when he heard a commotion coming from the mall’s doors.

Sirens were ringing and a lot of people stood and watched at whatever was causing the disturbance. He even had to take a double look because he thought he just saw Calum dressed as Santa Claus pushing a shopping cart with Ashton and Michael inside, the latter speaking with a megaphone in his hand. And indeed that is what he saw.

“LUKE START THE CAR” Michael yelled from his megaphone. And Luke, being the smart man that he is, did not ask questions as he did just that.

Soon enough, Calum Santa Claus was jumping inside of the car, followed by Michael and Ashton, who just sat in the front seat.

“What is-?” Luke tried to ask, but his three friends were quicker as they all said at the same time:

“The baby is coming!” “We needed to get the music box” “The line was too fucking long”

“Hurry up, dude!” Calum said, giving Luke a pat on his shoulder as he stared at them, very confused.

“Why didn’t you just leave the music box with one of them?” He said, motioning to his friends in the back “I could’ve come back for them after I dropped you off…”

The three Australians all looked at eachother like they were the most stupid people on the planet. Until Micahel turned on the megaphone again and said with a defeated voice: “Just drive”

The ride to the hospital was silent as Luke drove through the streets of LA at full speed. Michael even turned on the siren of the megaphone to make way across the traffic jam. How the hell they didn’t end up in jail? A Christmas miracle if you ask me.

Once they got there, Ashton was the first one to jump off the car, followed by his best friends as they ran through the hospital’s floors.

“Irwin!” He said, once they got to the maternity wing “Y/N Irwin! My Wife-”

Luke followed, almost knocking down Ashton as his boots slipped on the floor “His wife!” He said, almost out of breath.

“His baby!” Calum added, almost falling to the floor as he tripped over his foot.

And last but not least came a small “Help?” From Michael who was completely out of breath as he sat on one of the chairs in the waiting room.

The nurse, apparently not taken aback at the sudden outburst of three grown man and a Santa Claus in her waiting room, just smiled at Ashton and said: “Over here, Mr. Irwin. You are just in time, she just started dilating…”

But Ashton didn’t hear much as he walked behind her, anxious to see you and see your baby. Breathing heavily as he tried to calm his nerves before he got to your room. He gave one last look to his friends and smiled at them.

“You can do it man!” Michael said, giving him the thumbs up.

“You go Poppa!” Luke cheered.

“We will be here!” Calum said, feeling tears of pride gather up in his eyes as he watched Ashton turn into another hallway, ready to become the dad he always knew he could be.

“Did you actually steal a Santa costume?” Michael said as the other two sat down next to him.

“And you stole a cart and a megaphone so shut up”

A new family.

You watched with tired eyes as your husband held your baby girl in his arms.

“She is so tiny…” He said with fresh happy tears falling rolling down his cheeks. Ashton started crying as soon as he saw her little face and heard his heart shattering cry.

You almost thought that he wasn’t going to make it in time, afraid that you were going to have to get through the birth of your child all alone. But he came through the doors just in time and he did not let go of your hand for a second, even when you knew you were crushing it as you pushed.

“I love you so much” He said, just as he’s been saying for the past hours since he got here “I love you so much and I love her so much I- Thank you”

“Why are you thanking me, love?”

“For giving me the best gift of all” Ashton said as he laid next to you with your daughter curled up on his chest “You gave me the family I always dreamed of. I could never thank you enough for it”

He slowly lowered his head and pressed his lips to yours, showing you all the love that he could in only one simple kiss.

“Well, it’s not like you didn’t help on making this, you know?” You teased, making him chuckle “I should be thanking you, Ash.You and her are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I love you”

“I love you” He said, capturing your lips in another kiss as you let the music box play in the background, filling the room with the notes of your favorite lullaby.

“Should I let the boys in?” He asked as he passed your daughter back to you. You just nodded, not wanting to let your friends wait a second longer to meet your baby. “Oh, and just a heads up, Calum is dressed as Santa Claus and we might never be allowed on the mall again”

You laughed “I can’t wait to hear that story”

Ashton smiled as he got out of the room and walked towards where the boys were sitting. Once they saw him walk up to them, they immediately got up, all of them smiling proudly at the new - official, father of the band.

“Boys, come and meet our baby girl: Jane Elizabeth Irwin”

Tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @talksoprettyjjx @mystic-232

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lonelyvomit · 3 years ago

Note

Hey hi hello merry crisis, good news is I’m not sick (hilariously, I’m sick literally every holiday even if I’ve forgotten there’s a holiday and the one time there’s a global pandemic I AM NOT, you can’t make this shit up, but I am VERY GRATEFUL and glad I got my booster in November lol. Mom is mad because she is sick but VERY MILDLY thank goodness, she’s vaccinated but wasn’t eligible for a booster till after xmas, which, uh, too late lol) bad news is I asked my brother when dinner is (he cooks lol) and he just goes

“I don’t know”

with ZERO follow up and I’m like. excuse me??? and almost had a stroke because I am HONGRY (pls read that in Venom’s voice that was THE most relatable part of the movie) and he explained he meant that smoking a roast is an imprecise art so it could be done anywhere between right this instant and 7pm, depending on various things but he’s aiming for between 5-5:30pm 😂 like. Why couldn’t you just SAY THAT instead of “I don’t know” WHY ARE MEN, ABBY.

ASDFGHJKL okay I'm very very happy that you'er not sick for once and dodged the pananamy !! thank fuck for vaccines my dude

bu that is honestly so funny and SO FUCKING RELATABLE like ya tryina ask something and dudes will give you the shortest, simplest answer that proceeds to not actually answer anything 😂😂 like my dude. please. I am trying to ask for information here pls.

#asks

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cacowhistle · 3 years ago

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merry crisis

wc: 1.5 fandom: dream smp

a tubbo-centric fluff oneshot written for my friend clem for a secret santa! hope u all enjoy it as well, and i hope you had a wonderful holiday! here’s to a happy new years :] (cross-posted to ao3).

It is two weeks before Tubbo’s first Christmas with the Minecraft family, and he has no idea what to get for Tommy.

He’s gotten Phil a ‘World’s Okayest Dad’ mug that he knows he’ll cry over, and he’s gotten Techno a pig plushie that he knows he’ll like, and he got Wilbur extra guitar strings and a pick that he made by himself, wooden and pretty with a carved bee design. He even got Ranboo something, a custom pair of black and white headphones (with optional cat ears, for the meme). He can’t think of a single thing to get for Tommy.

Arguably, Tommy should be the easiest to get a gift for. Tubbo literally shares a room with him.

But here he is, two weeks until Christmas, and the presents are piling up under the tree. Tubbo is beginning to panic—hence why he’s sitting on the roof.

He climbed out the bathroom window onto the roof to get some air. It helps him think, sitting out here, and with the sun going down it’s an awfully pretty view as a bonus, all honeygolden sunlight escaping over the horizon. Tubbo looks over his shoulder at the sound of the window sliding open, shifting aside to make room for Wilbur’s gangly frame and bulky leather coat as he pulls himself through. He sits down beside Tubbo with a huff, grinning as he does so.

“Hey, Tubster.” He lets his legs dangle over the edge—Tubbo has no idea how he has the courage to. “What’re you doin’ up here all by yourself?”

“Oh, y’know,” Tubbo says, “contemplating existence, having a midlife crisis.”

Wilbur snorts. “You’re seventeen.”

“You’re never too young for a midlife crisis,” Tubbo says, nodding sagely.

They fall into a comfortable, companionable quiet for a few minutes, just watching the sunset. Finally, Wilbur speaks up again, nudging Tubbo with one elbow.

“Seriously, man, what’s up?”

Tubbo groans, flopping backward. The shingles aren’t the most pleasant thing to be laying on, but he can’t be bothered to lean on Wilbur, because… well, ew. “It’s nothing, man, it’s really not a big deal, I’ll figure something out.”

“Tubbo,” Wilbur whines, drawing out the o and poking Tubbo repeatedly, “tell me what’s wrong, Tubbo, let big brother Wilbur help you out.”

He can’t help but giggle at Wilbur’s childish insistence, shoving his hands away. “I just can’t figure out what to get Tommy for Christmas, boss man, that’s all. I’ll find something.”

“Ohh.” There’s a pause. “I was just gonna put some mud in a tupperware container, if it makes you feel any better.”

Tubbo barks out a laugh, covering his face with his hands. “Noo, oh my god. That’s brilliant.”

Wilbur giggles, shrugging. “Nah, but genuinely man, if you want to go out this weekend together, I can take you to the mall and we can find something for him. How’s that sound?”

“Yeah, okay.” He nods, sitting back up. “I’d like that. Thanks, Wilbur.”

Wilbur smiles, wide and bright. “Anytime, Tubs. C’mon, it’s fucking freezing out, let’s go back in.”

Tubbo rolls his eyes. “You’re a baby. It’s not that bad. There’s not even any snow.”

He agrees, in the end, and the house is warm and full of life, and Tubbo is a little less worried about Christmas.

Then, it is one week before Tubbo’s first Christmas with the Minecraft family, and he has found something else to be worried about. It’s just—he isn’t sure he fits in, really, what with the way they talk about traditions and the way winter activities play out. They talk about things they’re excited about, cookies and snowball fights and all sorts of things that Tubbo’s done but—but not the way they do them. Not the way Wilbur and Techno and Tommy do them. But Tommy is beaming and dragging Tubbo into the kitchen talking about Techno’s fuckin’ awesome cookies, dude, and Tubbo tries not to feel too out of place.

Tubbo sits at the table while Tommy stands beside him, reaching over to dig some sugar cookie dough out of the bowl. Technoblade flicks a bit of flour at him, voice a low warning, and Tommy just grins as he dances out of reach.

“I’ll throw the bag at you,” Techno threatens, hefting the flour with one hand. Tommy yelps, ducking down to crouch next to Tubbo’s chair.

“That’s too easy to dodge,” Tubbo says, glancing between the two. “If you spit from this angle, though, you could probably land it in his hair.”

“Tubbo!” Tommy swats at his leg. “What the fuck, man?”

He shrugs. “I’m just saying.”

Techno snorts, getting to work at rolling out the cookie dough. Tubbo rests his chin in his hand as he watches Techno work, and Tommy eventually stands up again and begins helping. By the time they get the cookie cutters out, Tubbo figures they don’t need his help with them, really, and slides off the chair, going to get started on the dishes in the sink.

There’s a lull in Techno and Tommy’s banter, the only sound the soft rush of tap water as Tubbo scrubs at some of the dishes.

“Tommy,” Techno says, “bring some dough to Wilbur.”

“He should come out here if he wants some,” Tommy mutters. Tubbo snorts, setting a freshly cleaned plate in the drying rack as Tommy darts down the hallway toward the stairs.

The lull returns, at least until Techno comes over and shuts off the tap.

“Dude,” Tubbo says, flatly. “I wasn’t done.”

“Don’t care.” Techno nudges him toward the table. “Stop mopin’ and come help me.”

Tubbo wrinkles his nose. “I wasn’t moping.”

“Yes you were. C’mon, pick your shape.” Techno pushes the pile of cookie cutters toward him. Tubbo raises his eyebrows.

“My shape? I don’t think I’m a… uh… what is this supposed to be?” He holds up one of the cutters. Techno squints at it.

“I think,” he says, “it’s supposed to be Santa. Not sure. We all have our signature shapes, though. Tommy’s is the bell, Phil’s is the bird, mine’s the candy cane, and Wilbur’s is the dog.”

“His name is Jim Jam,” Wilbur says, and they look over to see him skidding down the hallway with Tommy on his heels, “and he is part of the family.”

“Him and all fifteen of his twins,” Tommy crows, and Tubbo can’t help but giggle.

“Okay, okay, um… I guess I’ll take this one?” He picks up a star shaped cookie cutter. Tommy nods approvingly.

“Good choice,” he says.

Wilbur ruffles Tubbo’s hair as he passes, reaching with his other hand to snag some cookie dough. “Yeah, it suits you.”

Tubbo rolls his eyes. “Because I’m a star?”

“Yeah,” Techno says, “volatile and prone to exploding.”

Tommy snorts. “Yeah, you burn so much shit.”

And he feels lighter, now, feels included, and he can tell that Christmas is going to be so incredibly good this year. He got a present for Tommy, a new music disc for his record player, and they’re making cookies and having a good time—he’s got his own cookie cutter, and when Phil eventually wanders in Wilbur will throw a handful of flour at him and Tubbo will gleefully participate in the food fight that breaks out, and life is good.

It’s still good the next day, when Tubbo and Tommy go out to meet Ranboo for ice skating at the frozen-over pond out behind the school. A fresh coat of snow covers the ground, and Tubbo keeps his mittened hands shoved in his pockets as the two of them march across the mostly-pristine snowy field. Ranboo is seated in the snow next to the rickety wooden fence, the blades on his skates glinting in the sunlight. Tubbo waves. Ranboo waves back.

“Ranboo!” Tommy’s voice rings out, and Tubbo trudges through the snow after him. He can’t help but grin at the look on Ranboo’s face as Tommy begins sprinting at him.

“I have knives on my feet,” Ranboo says, shuffling backwards, “Tommy, Tommy I have knives on my feet—”

He gets knocked back into the snow. How Tommy avoids slicing himself open on the ice skates, Tubbo doesn’t know. Tommy shakes the snow out of his hair, pulling Ranboo back up into a sitting position. “Hello big man.”

“Hi, Tommy,” Ranboo says, tiredly. Tubbo sits down and begins putting on his skates.

“You all ready for Christmas?” Tubbo tightens the laces of his skates. “Ready to have your house broken into by a weird old magic man?”

Ranboo laughs, throwing a weak handful of snow at Tubbo. “Yeah, I’ve got my traps all set, man. I’m so ready.”

“That was a shit throw,” Tommy observes, slowly pulling himself to his feet with the help of the fence. The three of them begin moving toward the iced over pond, Ranboo silently packing together a snowball as Tommy’s back is turned.

“Can’t win ‘em all,” he says, nonchalantly, and throws the snowball directly at the back of Tommy’s head.

Tubbo hears the impact it makes, and watches the snow scatter into Tommy’s hair and through the air. Tommy almost falls flat on his face from the force of it, letting out a startled shout.

They laugh and throw snowballs out on the ice, and Tubbo knows that things won’t be so bad this year.

#dream smp #dsmp #mcyt #tubbo #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #ranboo #technoblade #philza #dream smp fanfiction #dream smp fanfic #dream smp fic #dsmp fanfiction #dsmp fanfic #dsmp fic #writing.txt

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stereksecretsanta · 5 years ago

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Merry Christmas, @damnfancyscotch!

Happy holidays, dear! I hope you enjoy this high school AU with enemies to friends to lovers!

Read on AO3

*****

The Economics Project

“Coach, no!” Stiles moaned. “Don’t do this to me!” “Sorry, Bilinski,” Coach Finstock said, not sounding sorry at all. “Basketball players need to keep up their good grades. And since you are one of the smartest students I‘ve got, you’re going to make sure that our star basketball player gets a good grade on his big semester project! So you and Hale better do an amazing job, or we might lose the championship this year!” “But I don’t want to! Can‘t I work with Scott again?” “Think of it as expanding your horizons! You‘re not gonna be working with McCall every day of your life!” Coach said, looking more pumped with every word. Stiles walked out of Finstock‘s office before he could start quoting Independence Day like he usually did.

**********

“I can’t believe I have to be partners with Derek Hale for that stupid project for Coach,” Stiles complained as he slammed down his tray at Scott and his usual lunch table. Scott looked appropriately sympathetic, but his expression quickly devolved into a sappy lovesick smile as his crush Allison Argent walked by. Stiles hit Scott on the shoulder. “Scotty! Pay attention! This is serious, dude!” Stiles knew he was whining, but he didn’t care. This was a crisis of utmost importance. “Sorry, dude,” Scott turned his attention back to Stiles. “You’ll be okay. You can handle him.” “Of course I can handle him, Scotty,” Stiles rolled his eyes. “I just don’t want to.” He glared over at the lunch table where Derek sat. Derek Hale was a junior, just like Stiles and Scott. He sauntered around the school all cocky, like he owned the place, just because he was on the stupid basketball team. And he was ridiculously popular, though he actually hung out most of the time with Vernon Boyd, Isaac Lahey, and Erica Reyes. The four of them were sitting at their lunch table like always. Derek was laughing at something Erica said, throwing his head back in his enthusiasm. Stiles hated him with everything he had.. “I wish Coach let us work on the project together,” he moaned. “You and me, we work so well together.” “Of course,” Scott chimed in immediately. “We’re best friends!” “You bet we are!” Stiles grinned, but his smile quickly faded again. “But who knows how this idiot works? He’s a jock. He’s probably not gonna do a thing, and I’ll be stuck doing all the work, and he’ll get a good grade by doing nothing, and it’s all because he plays basketball!” Scott looked sympathetic. “It’ll be okay, Stiles.” “Who are you stuck with for your project, anyways?” Stiles asked. “I quit listening after Coach paired me with the wrong person.” “I got Isaac Lahey.” Stiles groaned. Of course poor Scott was stuck with one of Derek’s cronies. “This is the worst.” He pushed his lunch tray away in disgust. He didn’t even feel like eating his pizza anymore. ********** And that’s why on a Saturday afternoon, Stiles was parking in the driveway at Derek Hale’s house instead of having Scott over for a video game marathon. Derek’s house was huge and in the preserve. It was closer to an actual mansion than a regular old house. Stiles would normally be impressed by such a house, but then he remembered how much he couldn’t stand Derek and went back to being annoyed. Derek’s dad greeted him as he came into the house. So did Derek’s little sister, Cora, who was a freshman at their school. His mom was out doing errands. After a few minutes of talking, Derek finally showed himself at the top of the staircase. He couldn’t even bother to come downstairs. God, Stiles hated him. “Come on up here,” he grumbled. “Let’s get to work.” Stiles ran up the marble staircase and followed Derek into his room. There were some basketball posters on the wall along with some bands that he apparently liked. And of course all the trophies that he’d won so far. Stiles inwardly rolled his eyes. “Jealous?” Derek smirked at him. “Me, jealous? Never!” Stiles glared at him. “Let’s just get to work on this stock market report so I can go home.” “Yes, you must have so many more important things to do than this report with me,” Derek glared at him, but pulled out his economics textbook and laptop. The two boys started to work. Stiles was surprised and rather pleased to see Derek putting in just as much effort as he was into researching, searching the internet and their textbook for information. “Hey, do you think that we should add this stuff about bonds in our presentation?” Stiles mused, flipping through his textbook. “These are not the droids you’re looking for,” Derek said with a deadpan look. Stiles‘ jaw dropped as he stared at Derek in amazement. “Did you just make a Star Wars reference?” he blurted out. “Yes?” Derek looked confused. “Oh my God, you know Star Wars? I can’t even talk to Scotty about Star Wars because he’s never seen it. Can you believe that?” Stiles was absolutely delighted at this new information about Derek. It was completely unexpected and kind of awesome. He and Derek Hale actually had something in common that they could talk about, which he had never in a million years thought would happen. “He’s not a fan of the Mets, either,” Stiles continued. “Wait, you’re a fan of the Mets?” Derek looked just as shocked as Stiles imagined that he’d looked just a few moments before. “You always seem like you hate sports.” “I like baseball, and especially the Mets!” Stiles said. “My dad and I watch them whenever they’re playing! And they’re gonna win the World Series this year, I just know it!” Derek actually laughed. It was kind of a nice laugh. “Spoken like a true Mets fan,” he grinned. “Check out this shirt I found!” He got up and went to his closet and rifled through his shirts. “Ah, here it is!” He pulled out a blue and orange striped one. “Oh my God, that is so awesome!” Stiles jumped up and ran over to inspect the shirt. “Where did you get it? I need one, too!” “I got it from an online store. Come on, I’ll show it to you. We can take a break on research for a little while.” Derek started typing on his laptop. “Cool,” Stiles said, beaming. ********** From that day on, Stiles and Derek were friends. First, they started waving to each other in the hallways if they passed by each other. A week or so later, Derek and his friends started joining Stiles and Scott for lunch. It was pretty convenient since Scott and Isaac were also partners for the economics project. And it turned out that Scott and Isaac had become fast friends as well. Their lunch table grew in numbers again as Scott finally drew up the courage to ask Allison Argent out thanks to encouragement from both Stiles and Isaac. Three nights a week, Stiles and Derek would meet up to work on their project, sometimes at Derek’s house, sometimes at Stiles’. Eventually, they started meeting up to watch the Mets’ games on TV. Stiles’ dad liked Derek and enjoyed the additional support for the Mets. Stiles and Derek presented their project in class the last week before winter break. Coach was very pleased with both their report and presentation and gave them both A+s. “I knew you could do it, boys!” Coach wiped a tear from his eye. “We’re gonna be number one thanks to you!” The two looked at each other and tried not to laugh out loud. ********** That night, Stiles was sad because he and Derek maybe wouldn’t see each other after school as much anymore. He came to the sudden realization that he was starting to like Derek. Really like him. As in wanting to date him. The night he realized it, he called Scott over, calling it another crisis. “This isn’t a crisis,” Scott said after Stiles told him how he felt. “Yes, it is!” Stiles wailed. “Two months ago, I hated the guy. And now we’re going to his Christmas party this Friday night. How am I gonna handle it?” “Tell him?” Scott asked. “I mean, that’s what you bugged me to do about Allison, and I did, and now I’m going out with the most beautiful girl in the school. Have you seen those dimples of hers?” “Back on track, Scotty!” “Right, right!” Scott laughed. “But seriously, dude, just tell the guy. The rest of us have been suspecting you liked him.” “Really?” Stiles felt his cheeks burn. If Scott noticed something when Allison was around, that meant it had to be overwhelmingly obvious. “Oh, man, I don’t know if I can do it,” he moaned. “You can do anything, buddy,” Scott gave him an encouraging smile. Stiles grinned at him. “That’s why you’re my best friend, Scotty!” ********** Soon enough, it was Friday night, and Stiles was at the Christmas party at the Hales’. Derek greeted him at the door with a hug. Stiles wanted the hug to go on forever, but Laura, Derek’s older sister who was home from college, pulled him away and started chattering to him about how great it was that Derek had a new friend. It was fun to talk to her, and a nice excuse to not go confessing things to Derek just yet. Soon, he was walking around the house, talking to everyone he encountered. “Enjoying yourself?” Stiles jumped and turned around. Derek was right behind him, grinning that cocky smile of his. But Stiles was no longer annoyed by it. It was sort of endearing. Oh, man, did he have a crush! “Derek! Hi!” he said, trying to hide his nervousness. “Come on,” Derek said, beckoning Stiles towards him. “Laura dug up some games for us all to play together. They’re in the living room.” Stiles followed Derek towards the living room, but just as they were going through the doorway to their destination, Allison called out, “Wait, stop!” There was giggling from the living room as Stiles and Derek both turned to look at her. “Look up,” she clarified with a wink. They both looked up. There was a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the doorway. Stiles definitely hadn’t noticed that before. He looked over at Derek, who was looking definitely uncomfortable. As much as Stiles was starting to want to maybe try out something with Derek, he didn’t want to do anything to make the other boy unhappy. “Hey,” he said quietly, “we don’t have to if…” “No!” Derek shouted, then his cheeks reddened as he realized how loud he was. “I mean, I don’t mind doing it,” he amended softly. “You don’t?” Stiles asked. “Because I really want to, too.” He licked his lips, hoping they weren’t too chapped from the cold weather outside. Their lips met under the mistletoe. Derek’s lips felt warm and moist, and Stiles wasn’t worried about his own lips anymore. In fact, he wasn’t thinking about anything except Derek and how amazing it was to kiss him. He vaguely heard some cheering going on, but he wasn’t entirely sure. It was over way too soon in Stiles’ opinion, but he couldn’t help the broad grin on his face as the two parted. “That was awesome,” he declared. “Awesome,” Derek echoed, sounded dazed. Stiles couldn’t believe that he made Derek sound like that. He was beaming with pride. But he was also scared that maybe it just was because of the mistletoe, that he wouldn’t get to kiss Derek again. His thoughts were interrupted by Erica coming over and nudging Derek in the side. “So, are you guys gonna do that again?” she asked coyly. “Erica,” came Boyd’s deep voice. Erica pouted, but walked away from the pair, but not before giving Derek another nudge in the side. Stiles glanced over at Scott, who gave a nod and a thumb’s up to him. He took a deep breath and decided to just go for it. Carpe diem and all that. “Think we might do that again sometime?” he asked, trying for casual and hoping that he succeeded. Derek looked surprised. “You mean you would want to?” he asked Stiles nodded rapidly. “God, yes,” he grinned. “I can’t believe I ever couldn’t stand you, but you are actually pretty amazing and I would totally date you!” The corner of Derek’s mouth quirked up. “You were pretty annoying yourself,” he said. “You’re still kind of annoying, actually.” “Hey!” “But it turns out I kinda like annoying,” Derek finished, smirking at him. “Hmpf!” Stiles pretended to still be annoyed, but inwardly he was jumping up and down. “I won’t take you to see the new Star Wars movie if you have that kind of attitude.” But he was too excited and happy to keep pouting, and a big smile burst through. “You bought those tickets for us the day they became available,” Derek pointed out. “Yeah, but now it could be our first official date?” Stiles said hopefully. “Yeah,” Derek murmured, leaning forward to kiss Stiles again. Stiles flung his arms around the other boy and kissed him back with every ounce of happiness and excitement inside him. “Pay up, boys!” Erica’s gleeful voice burst through the giddy haze in Stiles’ head “You bet on us?” Stiles asked breathlessly once he and Derek finally separated. “Yeah,” Boyd said. “But she cheated!” Isaac said, grumbling as he passed over some money. “She was encouraging them!” “I would have encouraged them no matter who would win in the pool,” Erica protested. “They’re perfect together!” Stiles looked over at Derek, who was looking back at him with adoring eyes. “We are pretty perfect together,” he murmured with a soft smile. ********** While Stiles arrived at school after winter break wearing Derek’s letterman jacket, Coach Finstock liked to boast that it was because of him and his economics project that the two of them had gotten together.

#damnfancyscotch #stereksanta19 #*fics19 #*gifts19

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brandonflowers420 · 6 years ago

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i reviewed the killers' christmas songs because apparently i think my opinion matters

A Great Big Sled

A great song to have a festive mental breakdown to. "I wanna wish u merry christmas...Ho Ho Ho 🙄" also it just fucking slaps??? Even though it's kind of depressing and crisis inducing.

Don't Shoot Me Santa

Literally about Billy the kid. Could be a play on "The Killers." "Lol What if Santa was after us because we're killers". But to me it's about Billy the fucking kid. Read a little about Billy the kid and don't fucking tell me Santa wouldn't be the only one who truly knew what happened to him. "I've been killing just for fun!" Basically...that's fucking William.

Joesph, Better You Than Me

I'm Joesph. I know nothing about religion and the story of Joseph but I AM JOESPH. "Are you bad at dealing with the pain" YEAH. Also, what up Elton.

¡Happy Birthday, Guadalupe!

-This song makes me so happy!!! Birthday Happy!!!!!

-"My Mexican angel" idk what that means but YEAH DUDE.

-(unfortunately that monologue Brandon does turns me on :( )

-FUCKIN SLAPS, TURN THAT SHIT UP BABY!!!!!!!

Boots

-My favorite Killers Christmas song.

-The references to It's A Wonderful Life really does break and warm my heart.

-The entire song just sounds very hopeful

-my favorite Christmas song

-the chorus, "I can see my mother in the kitchen, my father on the floor, watching television, It's A Wonderful Life. Cinnamon candles burning, snowball fights outside, smile below each nose and above each chin...stomp my boots before I go back in" just makes my dumbass smile.

-"light my way, lift my head, light my way" BITCH! 😭

-OKAY maybe I'm BIASED because this IS the song I listened to after coming out to my brother and sister-in-law..."So happy they found me, love was all around me, stomp my boots before I go back in" HAD ME CHOKING ON MY OWN TEARS

-deserves to have the album named after it

The Cowboys' Christmas Ball

-oh yeah baby YEEHAW. Perfect Christmas song for kids, my kids are gonna grow up listening to this song, thanks

-Brandon's really hot in the music video---I know y'all know this but WEW had to mention it.

I Feel It In My Bones

-LITERALLY the entire Santa trilogy is about BILLY THE KID

-this song is specifically about Billy escaping what was supposedly his murder and Santa is the only one who knows that he escaped, so he's taken it upon himself to get revenge for the crimes Billy's committed. Like, Billy's on the ultimate naughty list and Billy's only plea is "SANTA PLEASE IM JUST A KID I'M SORRY I KILLED LIKE 5ISH PEOPLE!! PLEASE LET ME LIVE I PROMISE I AINT LIKE THAT ANYMORE!!!!!"

Christmas In LA

-This song is literally so sad. Please go back to where your heart is meant to be for the holidays and get TF out of L.A. ommmgggg.

-still sad slaps. sounds like putting too much alcohol in your eggnog on purpose.

Joel The Lump Of Coal

This was the peak of the killers fandom, okay, let me break it down for u. I can't remember if it was a few days before or a day before Joel's release on Jimmy Kimmel, just the single's cover was leaked. THAT'S IT. Everyone was like wtf bc we also didn't know they were gonna be on kimmel. THEN everyone found out they were gonna be on kimmel. I literally stayed up until midnight just to absolutely lose my shit over Brandon looking so fUCKIN SOFT!! Like, we really hadn't seen him in at least a month and he showed up looking like a SOFT SNACK!!! AND THEN HE PUT ON THAT SWEATER AND RED BEANIE AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE ADHEGHFDAFDG BABY BOY!!! SOFT!!!! I watched the skit and performance 9,000 times. All the boys look really nice and cozy in the video and aksjsjssjsjs i Love u Joel and Jimmy Kimmel

Dirt Sledding

classic Christmas song vibes and in my mind is Santa Claus finally letting go of Billy. Like, Billy having a family but no one knows he's The Billy™️. Like...he goes by William now and Santa's finally accepted that he's completely evolved and isn't a kid anymore. So Santa kidnaps him and Billy tells him everything he really wanted for Christmas because he didn't get to have it when he was younger. So yeah, welcome to my true crime community blog where I romanticize a cold blooded killer.

I'll Be Home For Christmas (cover, obviously...who out here thinking they wrote this)

-THREE MINUTES AND 19 SECONDS OF BRANDON MONOLOGUING WITH HIS CUTE LITTLE COWBOY ACCENT UWU ABOUT HIS CUTE LITTLE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES UWU!!!

-"l aaaaa s v e gas"

-"SLOT MACHINES IN THE LAUNDRY MAT"

-"bUT WHAT COULD I DO, I WAS NINE"

-"bLINK"

-"dad got a job in the produce department at the smith's food kind, which was fitting since he managed to PRODUCE 6 kids" dad jokes about dads

-he only rhymes in the end

-it really is so sweet that Brandon's 4th grade teacher made such an impact on him that he thought to get in contact with him YEARS later for a song

-incredible harmony

-my dad thinks it's a really good cover, therefor, anyone who doesn't like it is invalid. Sorry, them's the facts.

#the killers #brandon flowers #ronnie vannucci #dave keuning #mark stoermer

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palossssssand · 7 years ago

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Merry christmas everyone!! I know that it’s early for some of us, but other people are having christmas right now so better early than late!!

I had so much fun drawing and coloring these for everybody! These are dedicated to those who have really been influential to me this year and being overall cool people!!

Click for captions! Below is a readmore for personal messages to y’all, and some mutuals that I didn’t get to draw for but still want to thank nonetheless!

merry crisis

@arvoze @caittix i love y’all so much dudes I’ve never been so much into drawing other people’s orikeros and showcasing them until now keroro gunsou was my childhood and it’s so refreshing to see the fandom good and alive and y’all’s artstyles are goals!! Merry christmas!!

@bechnokid oh man your art has been such a major influence for me even before I got a tumblr! I really love your expressiveness of your characters, and I wanted to draw one of your pokejinkas but couldn’t decide, haha. I was also glad to meet your at AX 2017! Here’s to another year, and happy holidays!

KingLightLatios on deviantart(u don’t have a tungle rip) It’s funny how we first met, and how much we’ve grown! I’m sorry that I don’t get the chance to talk to you all the time but you’re a really cool dude and we always have fun conversations. I wish you luck for the future! Merry Christmas.

@lucareeo yo there! I know we don’t talk much nowadays but it’s still nice to see you on my dash! I remember commissioning you 2 years ago haha! I’m glad we still have that shared love for pokemon gijinkas and you’ve just been a cool friend. Merry christmas!

@obsidian-rabbit You!! We go far back to when I was in 6th grade. You’re always reblogging my art and I sincerely appreciate it so much!! Your oc designs are so cool and I’m glad that we’re still friends! Merry Christmas!

@shiny-1urantis Dude!! It was so cool to meet you in person at AX, you’re so nice and polite!! What a time. I’m sorry that I don’t get the chance to message you back all the time but I do read them and appreciate them!! I hope we get to talk more and stuff! Merry Christmas!

@suspicious-spirit Man oh man!! You’re one of my coolio friends from the cuphead fandom!! I’ve only known you for a couple months but you’re really cool and I really love your art!! I hope you have a happy holiday and merry christmas!!

@scribblyscribe Hohoho man I’d never had guessed that we’d become friends from this one fanart! You’ve just become one of my great pals, I love your monster designs especially and I love just talking to people about my ocs. Here’s to another year of shenanigans! Merry Christmas.

@friskyistrash honestly you reblog my art without fail and it always makes me smile!! I don’t recall talking much but hey!! Maybe next year can be a time. Thank you so much, and merry christmas!

@prince-monkfish ayyyyy what’s up? I know we don’t talk much anymore but I see you on my dash often and I’m like “ayy that’s Jack” Thanks for being that cool mutual, happy holidays!

@mayadile broo Idk if we’re even mutuals but you really inspired me to make my cuphead oc! Props to you for also making a bomb ass clock that everyone’s gay for sjdhjskdh anyways I hope you have a happy holiday!

@poltergeistrc dude we’ve never talked once but we’re always reblogging off of each other and yknow? You’re cool! Merry christmas, silent mutual

@magyar81 ayyyyyyyyyy fellow squish owner!! I’m so glad to have met you through the daily poke community, glad to see the love for the squish! Happy holidays!

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esaari · 6 years ago

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judasfox replied to your post “„ï¸ happy holidays my dudes â„ï¸ hope youâ€™re all having a good timeÂ ”

Merry Crisis, my friend

💗

#judasfox #reply

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ladybugkisses · 7 years ago

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A smooch for ya, happy holidays my dude.

A SMOOCH FOR YA TOO

merry crisis friend uwu��

#asks #candied-vodka

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hbcat13-blog · 7 years ago

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MERRY CHRISTMAS SWEETIE!!!!! I WISH YOU A HAPPY HOLIDAYS! *smooch you * YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

It aint Christmas 4 me yet since its still the 24th but thx my dude, but im sure i already know well how my merry crisis will play out tomorrow, itll be pretty boring and tiring

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kingfallstranscripts-blog · 7 years ago

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Episode 15: Stormy Weather, More at Eleven

(King Falls AM Theme plays)

Ben: Can we please play it again, Sammy?

Sammy: Oh, will you stop it?

Ben: Think of it as my early Christmas present! Just one more time!

Sammy: You are way too happy about this, Ben.

Ben: It’s like watching Van Gogh paint Starry Night, Sammy. But backwards and then exploding like fireworks right before our very eyes.

Sammy: Or ears, in this case.

Ben: Well, yeah, of course ears. You get it, people.

Sammy: So, is this on your schedule, Ben?

Ben: You know that it isn’t. Just give me that one tiny sliver of happiness. I need this! It completes me.

Sammy: You are evil. And that is why we get along so well.

Ben: *laughs*

Sammy: Roll the damn tape!

Ben: Yes!

(Channel 13 Tape Starts)

Storm Sanders: Are we f**kin live, yall? I got sh*t to – (in professional voice) Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is your friendly neighborhood weatherman, Storm Sanders. And boy do we have some interesting weather here in the next *hiccups* few days.

Maggie: Storm are you feeling alright?

Storm: Maggie, you bet your motha (censored) ass I’m alright. Let’s just get to the forecast on yours truly today. Storms feelin’… partly cloudy with 100% chance of makin it rain down at the Red Rock bar. Holla at cha *hiccup* boy, Chet! Stacks on deck.

Maggie: Umm, we’re live Storm. If you could just get to the actual weather report –

Storm: F**k yo weather. You got a brain. Open the window and see if it’s hot. If it’s hot? I can’t change that s**t! If it’s cold? Put some more clothes on! If Steve will let you cover up those big ol’ t**ties!

Maggie: Storm!

Storm: Maaaaan, f**k it. Who the f**k even needs a weather report these days? It’s on ya phone! It’s on ya twitter! If I say it’s gonna rain it ain’t gonna change a f**kin thing! Mannnn, my skin feels weird.

(Tape cuts out)

Ben: *laughing hysterically*

Sammy: You are taking way too much pleasure in this.

Ben: Channel 13! Giving you all the news and weather you can handle.

Sammy: He isn’t wrong.

Ben: Ladies and gentlemen, if you missed that on your local news this evening, his words were only bleeped on King Falls AM. I’m sure if you YouTube it… *laughs* oh man. How long before somebody auto-tunes that?

Sammy: Moving forward, what’ve we got in store this evening?

Ben: If you or somebody you know knows how to do those talking music things, give us a call or tweet us @KingFallsAM.

Sammy: Ben…

Ben: I’m sorry. It’s just that we don’t get to win much around here, Sammy. We should enjoy these moments.

Sammy: If this were any other news station would you be this happy?

Ben: No, but Channel 13 is the hub of all evil. If you told me -

Sammy: AGAIN, moving forward… what do we have on tab for the rest of the evening?

Ben: Ahem… can we do a weather report?

Sammy: You’re a child!

Ben: *laughing* Okay, folks, we’ve actually got some good stuff coming up in the next hour. Mr. Ron Begley from Begley’s Bait & Tackle will be visiting the show and talking to us about the 5th annual Bare Back Bear Festival.

Sammy: *laughs incredulously* Wow, uh, ya know, I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised.

Ben: I don’t get it. W-why are you laughing? You think riding a bear without a saddle is easy?

Sammy: Ben…your naivety brightens my day.

Ben: Whatever…Sammy. Anyway, coming up at the 5 o’clock hour, we’ve got Linda Miles over at King Falls Gazette calling in to give us the weekly Tim Jenson update.

Sammy: And hopefully filling us in with some good news. It sounds like we have a hell of a show happening, so stay tuned kids. We’re gonna pay some bills and hear a few words from our sponsors. We’ll be right back, King Falls.

(Jazz Music Plays)

“Ah, yeah. You’ve got the one and only Chet Sebastian here wishing all y’all out there the happiest of holiday seasons. This time of year you’re always on the lookout for a gift that’s gonna get ya a little something extra, and old Chet is here to deliver “Chet Sebastian’s Honey Pot of Horns”. A classy lady can’t so no to a man that knows his smooth jazz. With my newest album “Chest Sebastian’s Honey Pot of Horns”, you’ll look like the damn Albert Einstein of the brass section. Whether you’re a-givin or receivin. “Honey Pot of Horns” is a surefire way for a happier Hanukkah, a crazier Kwanza, a kinkier Christmas. No downloads here, cause a real man only spins vinyl for his lucky lady. Be Merry, you sexy thangs”

(Welcome to 660 theme plays)

Sammy: So, have you picked up Chet’s new album for that someone special in your life, Ben?

Ben: *chuckles* Dude, no. I love Chet, like you love a creepy masochistic uncle, but I can’t give that record to Emily.

Sammy: I hear classy ladies -

Ben: Don’t

Sammy: *laughs* Alright, folks. We’re gonna take some calls here while we wait on Ron to make his way into the studio. Give us a call 424-279-3858.

Ben: Or tweet us over at twitter @KingFallsAM. We gonna go with any particular topic or –

Sammy: We aren’t talking about Storm if that’s what you’re getting at.

Ben: Dammittttt. Line 5! You’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Cynthia: Ben Arnold! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Making fun of poor Storm Sanders tonight.

Ben: Oh, come on! Channel 13 would jump at the chance to destroy us. One of their stupid “For the King Falls Community” investigations. Serves them right!

Cynthia: You’re just so much better than all of us, aren’t you, Ben? Why don’t you just move out of King Falls and go do your radio show in some metropolis or something!

Sammy: Cynthia, while I understand your frustration with Ben’s…giddiness, I –

Cynthia: Don’t give me any of your mumbo jumbo, Sammy. You’re high salutin, too! You’re probably doing this for “Make a Wish” kids or some sort of tax evasion scheme.

Sammy: What?!

Ben: Cynthia, I don’t understand this anger, even from you, tonight.

Cynthia: I just think you need to think before you poke fun. You of all people should know this isn’t as cut and dry as it looks.

Sammy: What are you getting at Cynthia?

Ben: *from the side of his mouth* She’s probably on the sauce that Storm is on…

Cynthia: He said his skin felt weird, idiots! Or did you miss that with all your jackass laughing, Ben?

Ben: Wait, are you sure about that?

Cynthia: 100%, because I wasn’t acting a fool when a man was having a crisis live on the television!

Ben: This isn’t good…

Sammy: What am I missing here?

Cynthia: Guess they don’t teach that kind of stuff at the Connecticut School of Broadcasting, do they, Sammy?

Sammy: Okay, first off, Cynthia, I did not go to that school. Second off –

Ben: His skin felt weird, Sammy.

Cynthia: Maybe if you paid attention in Simple Possessions and Hauntings 101 –

Ben: I’ll take it from here. Cynthia, have a great night.

Cynthia: Oh, of course you’re hanging up on me! High and mighty King Falls AM. You’ll see…

Ben: I didn’t hang up, Cynthia. But we gotta put the wheels in motion here.

Cynthia: Oh, please. You don’t have to sweet talk me. *hangs up*

Sammy: What’s the deal, Ben?

Ben: I should’ve seen this before. DAMMIT. I let my hatred from that terrible excuse for a news organization cloud my judgement.

Sammy: Are you gonna tell me what’s going on, or should I just make up my own thing here?

Ben: Sorry, Sammy. Legend has it, when certain types of spirits take a hold of a person…

Sammy: Uh-huh… “legend has it”…I see.

Ben: Don’t look at me like – forget it! It’s like a possession.

Sammy: Oh, like The Exorcist.

Ben: Kinda like it, but actually scary.

Sammy: Have you seen The Exorcist?!

Ben: I’m being serious! We need to get ahold of Storm. Folks, if you know Storm Sanders personally or can get us in touch with him, please dial in to the show- 424-279-3858.

Sammy: This is for real?

Ben: I’m a little worried. Cynthia, if you haven’t turned off the show in a blind rage, THANK YOU. Thank you for point this out to us.

Sammy: Okay, we’ve got some phone action. Line 12 you’re on King Falls AM.

Troy: Hey, Sammy. Ben.

Ben: We can’t do this right now, Troy.

Troy: I’m callin’ to make peace, Ben. The SS Friendship is ready to dock. All aboard.

Ben: *disconnects call* Not now, Troy! We’ve got a situation!

Sammy: Did you just hang up on Troy?!

Ben: Sammy, this is life or death! Line 5, this is Sammy and Ben.

Herschel: Alright listen you two dumbasses. This Storm fella looks like he’s about a medium build, maybe a buck 180. You get yourselves a gunny sack, some come-along straps, and a roll of duct tape. You meet me 19 clicks from Old Rose’s café at 0400 hours-

Ben: *disconnects call* Sorry, Herschel. You can cuss extra at us later.

Sammy: Oh, he’s gonna.

Ben: Line 10, hello?

Caller: *Native American inflection* Ben is right to be worried.

Sammy: And who are we speaking with?

Ben: Have you seen him tonight, sir?

Caller: I watched his outburst on the television. I have been driving around downtown and around the station for the last few hours. No luck.

Ben: So, you’re out actively looking for him?

Sammy: Have you tried the Red Rock bar, perhaps?

Ben: Not now, Sammy. I’m sorry – who is this?

Caller: This is Walt. That is all you will get.

Ben: Fair enough. So you know the legend?

Walt: I know the truth. Saying “legend” makes it seem like people haven’t seen it with their own eyes. Or lived it. I have done both.

Sammy: Can one of you two please explain what we are so worried for myself and for the listeners?

Ben: Legend has it – ah sorry- uh, the story goes that…well, I said it was like possession, but really, it’s like a hostile takeover of your mind, body, and soul. Is that right, Walt?

Walt: My people tell stories of men with evil hearts living outside Hatchineha lands. Their only purpose on this earth is to claim others as they once were claimed.

Ben: They call them skinwalkers, Sammy.

Sammy: Not…the best sounding thing to hear on a late night, but… please continue, Walt.

Walt: These men, if you can call them that, tampered with things they should not have tampered with. They became things one should not be. They have the ability to go in one form and out to another as they please. All while searching to make more of their kind.

Sammy: Okay, well as much as I don’t like this or hardly believe it, what does this have to do with Storm Sanders?

Ben: That’s the interesting part, Sammy. When confronted and converted, I guess you could say, victims start to act in certain ways.

Sammy: Certain, drunken way. If every guy I’ve seen hammered in a bar who sing-cries his way through an 80’s love ballad is a skinwalker, then we are all in deep trouble.

Ben: Not the drunken thing. An uneasiness in one’s body.

Walt: They begin to exhibit signs of outer sickness: fever, sweats, an itching.

Ben: An itching so bad that…they try to peel their skin off.

Sammy: So they’re the werewolves from Route 72?

Walt: No!

Ben: No way!

Sammy: Guys! I’m just trying to grasp this. I’m a pretty piss poor cryptozoologist and let’s be honest, skinwalker sound like it’d be a term for a naked zombie.

Ben: Whatever, Sammy. Keep cracking jokes.

Walt: I need to pay better attention to my tracking, gentlemen. I’m going to let you go. Be well, be safe.

Ben: Thank you so much for the call, Walt. Stay in touch, please.

Walt: Only if I have to. *hangs up*

Sammy: So, you heard it, kids. If you should happen upon your local weatherman… *sighs* You know, I had a joke here. What should I say if they do see him?

Ben: *flustered* DO NOT LOOK HIM IN THE EYES. Stay calm, get to a phone, and call us at the station.

Sammy: Or a dog catcher. We don’t need a ton of guys to go pick this guy up. He’s dangerous, if not to us, then to himself.

Ben: Call the sheriff’s office, guys. Be safe and be aware of your surroundings.

Sammy: Okay. Let’s take another caller, Ben.

Ben: Let’s do it. Line 9, welcome to King Falls AM with Sammy and Ben.

Troy: Ben, don’t you hang up on me. I’m growin real tired of hearing your little pity party every night. I’m tryin to make this right. Now listen, I’ve got an idea…and it is a good one.

Ben: Ho! That’s a first. Is this you trying to get in my good graces by finding the weatherman?

Troy: I don’t give two shakes of a lambs (censored) about a weatherman, Ben. I just want things to be right with us again.

Ben: There is no us, Troy.

Sammy: Let’s just calm down fellas.

Ben: I’ll make this quick, Sammy. You gonna avenge Serendipity the sugar glider, Troy?

Troy: Oh come on, man. You know I can’t.

Ben: Then this conversation is over. AGAIN. For the last time.

Troy: It’s Christmas time, Ben…or Hanukah, or Kwanza…can’t you find it in your heart to forgive?

Ben: YEAH, I don’t think so. Put me on the naughty list. Bye, Troy.

Troy: There ain’t nothin but friendship goin in your stocking at my house, Ben. I’m gonna fix this, future buddy. You’ll see. *hangs up*

Ben: Don’t look at me like that, Sammy. Let’s take another call.

Sammy: I just think you’re being a little harsh, that’s all. You’re amped up, you’re hanging up on friends of the show, you’re hanging up on listeners.

Ben: Okay, Troy is not a friend of the show…. He’s a friend of the you.

Sammy: Ben…

Ben: Don’t “Bennnn” me, Sammy. Can we just get back to the task at hand?

Sammy: Yes. Folks, if you’d like to get hung up on by us, please give us a call 424 –

Ben: Lucky Line 1! You’re live on the air.

Caller: *talking very fast* Yeah, uh, thanks for taking my call. I’d like to talk about city ordinance 44812-36. Uh, these politicians think they can pull the wool over our eyes again! But some of –

Ben: Sorry to cut you off, sir, but we’ve got to a station emergency happening. Give us a call back next week when councilmen Davidson is on.

Caller: Media Puppet! …. bye.

Sammy: Storm isn’t gonna call in himself, Ben. Maybe we need to take a break and re-group here.

Ben: I’m just worried, man. I don’t think you get how bad this is.

Sammy: I don’t ever get how bad any of this is. Does… skinwalking happen a lot?

Ben: Well, the Hatchineha Indians believed it did. It’s just a scary bedtime story to the King Falls kids I guess, but for the first time I feel like this might be a real thing.

Sammy: Are you sure it’s not just the clowns down at Channel 13? Like, you really believe this?

Ben: I believe that they believe it… and I believe they know more about it than we ever will. Think about it. Just crossing paths with one of these evil ass beings, animals, spirits, what-have-you…and you’re toast. If you look it in the eyes it locks eyes with you then there is no more you.

Sammy: It’s an unsettling thought.

Ben: Skinwalkers, man. Wicked spirits taking the form of different things i.e – news reporters! Looking to just suck the soul right out of you! It’s like pure frickin’ evil! I just want everyone listening to be safe.

Sammy: And I think that’s the main point tonight. Stay safe out there, King Falls. I just don’t like this…

Ben: Yeah, I don’t either!

Sammy: Okay, I’m just trying to grasp this – why do you want to find him? And more to the point, why do you want us to find him?

Ben: Same reason Walt was out there searching for Storm. They say if it’s caught in time, it can be reversed. Not by me, obviously, but if we can of service to the community, why wouldn’t we do what we can?

Sammy: *admired silence* You’re a good dude, Ben Arnold. Folks, sit tight. We’re just gonna take a quick minute or two to get everything- *sudden knock at the door* WHAT THE (CENSORED)

Ben: NOT FUNNY, SAMMY.

Sammy: That wasn’t me! That’s the studio door.

Ben: Uhhhh- RECORDING LIGHT IS ON. GO AWAY.

Sammy: *whispering* Oh yeah, I think that did it. *more loud knocking* Dammit. You wanna get that?

Ben: No!

Sammy: Ben! Okay let’s cut to commercial and we’ll answer the door –

Ben: Do not go to commercial! I want whatever happens to be broadcast out to the masses, man.

Sammy: Oh, that’s a great idea. You gunning for the posthumous Pulitzer?

Ben: I’m just gonna dial up Troy… ya know, just in case.

Sammy: You know what, I’m the new guy. Let me answer the door.

Ben: Probably nothing…Oh, uh, maybe it’s Ron! He’s coming in, remember? Good ol’ scaring-the-bejesus-out-of-us Ron.

Sammy: Somehow, I don’t think this is Ron Begley at our door. Be right back…

Ben: That’s the spirit…take the portable mic with you. Hey, um, Sammy?

Sammy: Don’t. *sounds of Sammy walking and opening the door*

Storm: I ain’t the repo man, General (censored). Not answering the door? That’s some way to treat your brother in news reporting.

Ben: Sammy?!

Sammy: *clears throat* Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I’m standing in the parking lot now with Mr. Storm Sanders, Channel 13’s weatherman –

Storm: Ex-Channel 13. Get it right, Sammy.

Ben: *whispering* Don’t look in his eyes, Sammy.

Storm: What’s that?! Why ain’t you lookin at me, Sammy?

Ben: I’m coming, Sammy. Don’t look, man! *sounds of Ben running to Sammy* Don’t look him in the eyes, Sammy!

Storm: Well, hello to you too, Ben.

Ben: Avert your eyes, Sammy!

Storm: You are a rude piece of work, Ben. Look at me!

Ben: *laughs nervously* Yeah, uh, I’m not gonna do that.

Storm: What the (censored) are you two up to?!

Sammy: Ya know, okay *sighs* after seeing your outburst –

Storm: Is it cold out here to you?

Sammy: Ben – I, uh, we… King Falls, uh… we’re all a little worried that maybe, uh -

Storm: That what?! I ain’t got all night.

Ben: Well… it’s not like you’re gonna make the morning forecast *light laugh*

Storm: That’s uncalled for! But true. Spit it out, Sammy.

Sammy: Well, Ben, me, we…uh, we? We think that –

Storm: Phew, where’s ya thermostat boys?

Sammy: … We’re outside.

Storm: It’s hot as fire out here! Like ya junk once you landed one of Chet’s old ladies. Know what I mean? Are y’all feelin this (censored)?

Sammy: Storm! Focus! Ben thinks that, uh –

Ben: FACE IT, STORM! You’re a skinwalker! You’re a goner, man! Get outta here before you pass your soul eating virus on to us!

Sammy: What he said.

Storm: A skinwalker? A SKINWALKER?! You been lookin for my ass all night in this rinky dink little station just to call me on some voodoo (censored)?! I don’t like the cut of your jib, Ben. And - *faints*

Sammy: He- he just died, right? Is he dead?

Ben: He’s still breathing. What the HELL was that?

Sammy: I’m guessing Storm was going off the reservation and passing out, ladies and gents. *sounds of distant footsteps approaching* Not completely sure what we – WHAT THE- WHO ARE YOU?! What are you doing here?!

Walt: *sighs* Saving your lives. Thank me later. Now, grab his feet.

Ben: Walt?

Walt: That’s all you’ll get…

Ben: If Storm wakes up, don’t look in his eyes, Sammy!

Sammy: You know, I think I’ve got it now. Will you just stop standing there and give us a hand, please?

Ben: (censored) damn Channel 13, man!

#king falls #king falls am #kfam #podcast #podcast transcript #15 #stormy weather more at eleven #transcript

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