#merith concort

[thatwitchrevan]

Revan snippet that I mentioned a while back. This is the genderfeels one so it deals with dysphoria and also dissociation, depersonalization and amnesia due to trauma aka typical Revan stuff.

The wait to meet with Dodonna was getting long. Sure, she had important things to do, but Revan felt that a galaxy level threat was probably more important than whatever day-to-day cleanup from all of Revan’s messes she was currently busy with. Revan stretched her shoulders again and Bastila looked directly at her and nodded. “It’s taking a long time,” she agreed, breaking the stale silence.

They were standing in a meeting room in the main Republic military compound on Coruscant. They had already spent an hour and a half checking in - one of the joys of being Revan, who had to submit to multiple searches to make sure she wasn’t going to pull something. The meeting room was empty except for the three of them, but there were guards posted outside just in case. Revan was weary of ‘just in case’ but she couldn’t blame them.

They were in the corner of the room - there was a table, but nobody had opted to sit down. Carth was leaning on the wall and Revan was pacing. Bastila simply stood still beside Carth and watched her. Revan could feel their stress all bouncing off each other like a growing echo. If someone didn’t come into this room soon she might just walk out there and see how close she could get to Dodonna before she was arrested. She met Bastila’s eyes and Bastila shook her head.

Carth sighed. “You know usually I don’t mind when you two talk without talking, but it kind of just makes it quieter in here right now."

Revan didn’t answer, making another lap around the table instead. Bastila turned to Carth. “They’re thinking about storming through to find Dodonna.”

Storming is a bit harsh, Revan thought. I wouldn’t actually hurt anyone. Then she kind of paused in the middle of her lap, because there was something else about what Bastila had said that she couldn’t quite put her finger on, but it stuck in her head.

“They are?” Carth asked. “I mean, first of all, please don’t do that, Mer. I do not want to try to convince the Republic to let you out of lockup on top of everything. But uh, if there’s been a pronoun update I haven’t gotten it yet.”

Revan looked at him, thankful that he’d put words to what she was trying to figure out about Bastila’s statement. Somehow she felt it might’ve taken her hours to realize what had stuck out to her and why. She looked at Bastila, head tilting. “I’m also confused, honestly.”

Bastila raised an eyebrow, as if Revan was failing to understand something very simple, which might be fair. “Revan, you’re nonbinary?”

Revan frowned. “I am?”

Bastila straightened up, suddenly looking a little embarrassed. “Oh, stars, that’s not how I meant to say it. I’m not trying to tell you, I just... I thought you knew? Sorry, it’s quite hard sometimes to tell what thoughts you’re aware of or not.”

Revan had not felt uncomfortable about their Force bond in a while, not since the truth was all out and they had become close. Bastila was her soulmate - it felt only natural at this point that they could feel each other’s mind’s like their own. But now she felt a little cold. Not because Bastila knew something about her, but because apparently Bastila had known something about her that she didn’t. Again.

“I...” she stopped - it felt stupid. Her head was all messed up. There was always going to be stuff she didn’t know or didn’t remember. It was silly to get worked up over it.

“No,” Bastila said. “Come here.”

Revan obeyed, crossing the room to Bastila and letting her take her hands.

Bastila looked her in the eyes - hers were always warm where Revan’s were cold, though warm also meant dark and deep and knowing. She fixed Revan with that gaze and gently pushed loose hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry. It’s not silly. The last thing I want to do is make you feel like that again. It’s not your fault - we all miss things about ourselves sometimes. And it’s not my place to say this for you. I didn’t realize.”

Revan felt like leaning into her, aching for comfort, wanting not to be separate, not to be herself, but she didn’t want to look away from Bastila’s eyes. “What do you see in me? What made you say that?”

Bastila sighed. She glanced at Carth, but Revan nodded, indicating that it was okay to talk in front of him. Bastila squeezed her hands. “It’s just a sense that I get. Just like I can tell when you’re upset or happy, I have a sense of what name or pronouns you might want to hear at the moment. It’s like... right now, you’re thinking of yourself as Revan, right? Carth called you Merith, but if asked, you would only say Revan. Does that sound right?”

Revan considered. It practically hurt to do that kind of introspection. Maybe it was part of why she was so comfortable to have Bastila in her head. Someone could help her understand herself. And she was right - Revan was focused in on that aspect of herself, perhaps because they were there because of her past.

“I... yeah.”

Bastila sighed and smoothed Revan’s hair some more. “Rev... as best I can tell, you’ve felt this way all your life.”

Revan felt her chest twisting a little. “I think you’re right.”

Carth drifted closer and squeezed Revan’s arm. “Rev, honey, you okay?”

Revan sniffled. She hadn’t realized she was crying. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Okay,” Carth said. He pulled Revan close, and then they were both hugging her. Carth rubbed her back and Bastila squeezed her shoulder, and Revan tried not to let the weight of everything so personal and small crush her right now. They were here to warn the Republic about a very real threat and instead they were dissociating and getting snot on Carth's jacket.

At the worst moment, just as Revan was pulling herself together and straightening up, the door finally opened and Dodonna stepped into the conference room, looking slightly grim and then slightly confused when she saw Revan. She didn't seem too surprised to see the Prodigal Knight red-eyed and sniffling - probably because she was used to Revan being a mess. The officers who entered behind her seemed more unsettled, but they kept quiet. Dodonna gestured to the table. "Shall we have a seat and talk?"

Revan hurriedly wiped her face and sat down.

[thatwitchrevan]

What if we grew up together without any way of imagining how badly wrong it could all go, what if we loved each other so much that you destroyed me instead of killing me and I wished we were both dead, what if everyone holds you up to me and me up to you for the rest of our lives, what if your anger burned outward until it scorched the stars and mine burned inward until I was so irradiated that no one can touch me, what if you hoped for my happiness but never wanted to see me again and I wanted to meet you again just so I can watch you suffer, what if we were friends once and enemies now and who knows what we'll be in the end.

[thatwitchrevan]

Nevermind we're marking the occasion, have some post-game Revan angst and fluff.

-

Merith didn’t want to visit her old room. It took her ages of wandering to remember even what hall it was on, much less which of the identical, nondescript student chambers had been hers. 

When she found it, saw the wreckage of a fully caved in door, she knew. It really was the same as every other room in the place, but she knew. And wasn’t that just perfect? She couldn’t step back into her past. Malak had taken it from her. 

You took it from yourself, her mind corrected. The voice was half hers and half Alek’s. She heard the old him, here. She heard the boy who had tried to shield her from the world. The boy she had ruined. 

Soft footsteps approached in the hall. Bastila had let her wander alone for a while, giving her space to process and remember. She had needed her own time, too, even though she’d been back once already. It was their home, and Bastila’s far more recently. 

Bastila’s hand slipped into Revan’s and squeezed. “Did you find it?”

Revan nodded and pointed to the unmoving stone. “I don’t have a single thing left of hers. Except this body.”

Bastila sighed. “That’s not quite true. You’ll have the rest of your memories back.”

Revan shook her head. “Do I want them?”

Bastila kissed her hair and tugged on her hand. “Come on. I have something for you.”

She led Revan through the halls, away from where the padawans and knights slept and to where the masters used to. They had to maneuver around rubble and double back once where a whole side of the complex was caved in. Revan’s frown grew with each step. Some of the memories were more like impressions at this point - she could see her younger self trudging to find Vrook for something, preparing herself to be told off. She couldn’t imagine there was anything good for her down here. 

But Bastila took her resolutely to one room and paused at the door. She turned to Revan, her mouth thin, uncertain. “This was Arianna’s room. Your master. You want to see it?”

Revan’s heart rate increased. Arianna was alive, but Bastila had said she left the Jedi as soon as the news about Revan came out. Whether she feared retribution as a non Council member or just never wanted to see her old student again, neither Bastila or Revan knew. But she was gone. 

Merith’s memories of her were foggy. Fraught conversations, arguments. Meditating by the river, the teenager restless and the master fondly exasperated. She thought she could imagine the feeling of Arianna’s hands on her face, but maybe that was Bastila. She remembered someone else stroking her hair, but that was neither of them. 

“Show me.”

Bastila opened the door and walked into the room, letting Revan follow at her own pace. She went to a chest in the corner of the room while Revan looked around. 

Merith studied the room like it was a puzzle. Did she remember that heavy wooden desk, or was she just imagining she did? Did she sit there twenty years ago, working on her lightsaber under someone’s watchful eye?

Eventually she reached where Bastila was patiently waiting. She smiled softly at Revan and opened the chest. “Arianna kept a few things of yours in here, after you left. Do you want to hold them?”

Revan reached out, and Bastila passed her things. A droid manual, the cover splitting and peeling. A set of robes that had to be over fifthteen years old but which Revan realized with a grimace would still fit her perfectly. And then - a crocheted moth?

Revan dropped everything else and cupped the little toy in her hands, peering at it. It was soft, woven from thick white yarn. A little winged creature that fit across her two palms. Revan stared at it for so long that Bastila squeezed her hands, a little worried. “Rev? Is it important?”

Revan nodded. She didn’t know why. She didn’t know where it came from. But she clutched it to her chest. “It’s important.”

Bastila looked at her with boundless affection and Revan pulled her close and kissed her. You’re important, she told her silently, fervently. You’re everything. 

-

Carth squeezed her hand. “Remember that we can leave if it’s too much.”

Merith sighed. Most people didn’t need their boyfriend to be ready to rescue them from something as normal as a family dinner. Or maybe they did, but not because they were a traumatized war criminal who didn’t know how to handle normal things. Her hand hovered, trying to knock on the door, but never touching it. 

Carth waited. Merith dropped her hand and exhaled. “Do it for me?”

Carth gave her hand a squeeze and knocked. 

The door opened and Revan’s father appeared, his eyes bright and his smile wide. “You made it!” Geoffrey bundled Revan into a hug, her hand stretched behind her where it was still attached to Carth. There was not a lot in the galaxy that felt better than her father’s hand patting her back as he embraced her but it was so foreign, too, so unearned, so wrong. Merith hugged him back. 

It was a series of hugs. Aya had to hug her daughter as well as soon as Geoffrey stepped back and let her in the door. Revan’s mother kissed her face, her eyes misty but with a brave smile. “Happy birthday, Revanna.”

Revan tried not to grimace, tried not to run away as her sister came with her more subdued but still painfully genuine smile and wrapped her arms around Revan’s shoulders in the way Revan supposed sisters often did, gentle and light and supportive. Lia was younger but Revan felt like her sister was the only adult and she was a child, comforted. In lieu of Carth’s hand she clung to Lia’s sweater until she drew back. 

Lia’s wife Maya did not hug Revan but offered her a smile, though it was hesitant. She was the only one here who saw Revan from the outside, in full, and not as a part of them. It was terrifying. It was a welcome break.

Revan’s nephews clung to her legs. Lia laughed and gently told Revan that the boys had missed her. Revan knelt to let Tomas sit on her knee and Geoffrey Jr. hang off her arm. Carth’s hand rested on her shoulder, reassuring her he was here, which was good because children alone were absolutely overwhelming, and children who were related to her and trying, in the clumsy ways of a toddler, to tell her about their new toy speeder were so much more than overwhelming and entirely too safe for her to understand. 

She had to take a break once the greetings were over and Lia, perceptive as always, dragged everybody else into the kitchen to let Revan relax on the couch with Carth. 

“You okay?” he asked.

Revan nodded, shrugged, shook her head. “I thought it would be easier after last time.”

Carth nodded. “It’ll take a while. But it’ll start to feel a little more normal, I think. I know things with Dustil are different, but in my experience it does get better.”

Revan leaned on him. 

Eventually dinner was ready. Merith let herself be herded along with Carth into the kitchen and sat down as Geoffrey and Lia started passing the food out. It smelled amazing. Merith could barely drink her soup but the smell and the warmth of it was nice. Carth took up the small talk for her, his hand on his leg. 

The adults lingered at the table, but the kids became restless. Tomas tapped Merith on the elbow to show her his speeder. She took the little model in her hands as gentle as if it was a frag grenade and forced a smile. “It’s beautiful. Did your moms help you put this together?”

Tomas nodded, stuffing his fingers in his mouth as he reached politely for the toy back. Merith passed it back and realized Maya was watching her, smiling just a little. 

It wasn’t long before little Geoffrey wanted a turn, climbing into Merith’s lap with something soft in his small hands. “GG,” Lia sighed. “Let Auntie eat.”

Merith shook her head and pushed her bowl back a little, wrapping her arms around the tiny child. “It’s okay.” She had never quite liked kids. She had wanted to grow up fast and be around older people, to be smart and powerful and knowing like them. But all of that came from not being allowed to be a kid, not in the way others were, not with a family where she could have climbed into someone’s lap and handed them her toys and be kissed on the back of her head. 

Geoffrey’s tiny hands unfolded and Revan’s heart jolted. He was holding a little plush moth almost exactly like the one that was in the back of her closet at home. This one was brown and the craftsmanship was a little neater, and it wasn’t faded or wrinkled from age. She gently touched the little textile creature feeling the soft yarn wound by her mother’s hands, looked up and saw her mother’s soft, loving eyes. 

Carth’s hand was still resting loosely on her knee and the child in her lap would never be afraid of her. She was home.

[thatwitchrevan]

Revanna rambling

She didn't need a fresh start to survive or to break out of the pattern of violence and betrayal she was in, and in fact the mind wipe definitely hurt in many more ways than it helped bc it took away her agency in the whole thing and was just a further abuse to prove to them that the world was cruel and they would have to burn down anything that could hurt them to be safe, because even their mind can be taken from them and even the people who raised them were willing to tear them apart.

What Revan NEEDED was a single person to actually care about her and be willing to help her without her having authority over them or them having some agenda. Malak was going to kill her and what loyal followers she had left weren't really friends - she killed all her friends except him - and they couldn't do anything other than follow orders.

What they needed was Bastila, who knows enough of what the Jedi put Revan through, knows from experience what the Jedi put everyone especially kids like them through, and who has compassion for them instead of just pity and disappointment, who cares and wants to help aside from what Revan deserves or what is right because they are hurting and she wants to make it stop.

And then even Bastila can't help her for a long time because she goes along with the Jedi's plan and she has to earn Revan's trust first, and by then they've both already lost so much.

And like the game suggests like 'maybe this was a good thing, a second chance' and I don't think it's a coincidence that it mainly comes from Carth who sees all this in black and white, but he's wrong. It's not a second chance if you don't choose it. It's not a second chance if you have to kill your best friend first. It's not a second chance if you can't keep your name, if you're given a conditional fucking pardon and stuck where everyone can see you and told to behave and be grateful.

Merith doesn't even want a fucking second chance. Aside from the fact that she wants Malak back, she wants her life back - failing that, she's got to carry her life on her back. She can't set it down. She owes it to herself and everyone she hurt and lost to remember and be that person again.

There is no clean slate, no redemption, and the more they chase some kind of absolution the more they get hurt and the more they hurt other people. And after everything they can't pretend it's okay as long as they're doing it for the Republic, for the greater good, for the cause. Killing a Sith army so that they don't have the opportunity to potentially cause another war is still killing a bunch of people. Nothing changes, her life just goes in circles.

All she ever needed was to be allowed to grow up and mature so she could understand what kind of person she wanted to be, to have people that would help her and stop her from going too far, to be listened to. Which is not to say all those atrocities happened because baby didn't get enough love. They chose to go out and play bingo with war crimes. Bastila would've been just as right to kill them right there and take their empire apart. Might've been better for some people. But then, who knows, maybe Mission would've died on Taris and Dustil on Korriban and maybe the Sith would've invaded and it would be just as bad as she always feared. No one can know.

But what Bastila ultimately chose to do was to treat her like a person. And you can't fix a person. But you also don't need to.

[thatwitchrevan]

Merith on Manaan is the funniest thing ever. She hated it there. Sundry's case makes her sick and upset. She runs into Dead Eye Duncan and has a little Taris dueling ring reunion. She goes in a cell at LEAST once. She's surrounded by Sith while on a quest to defeat the Sith but because of the truce they all just eye each other warily until she breaks the law by going in the Sith embassy. She's finally dating Carth so now they're flirting in between being sad and moody and bickering. She's bonded hard with Bastila and Bastila is 85% ride or die for her but is also hiding the biggest, most relationship destroying secret ever from her and her brand new partner and Bastila's just sitting on this bomb and praying it doesn't go off before they get the last star map. And then the Leviathan scoops them up immediately after they leave the planet and the bomb explodes in all their faces. It's great.

[thatwitchrevan]

Revanna pitching HK to their friends: Not just a murder machine! But still mostly a murder machine.

[thatwitchrevan]

I went ham on this Star Wars Picrew. This time I made a few SWOCs I have made few if any refs for, plus the obligatory returning faves. From left to right we’ve got John, Ama, Merith, Meetra, Carta, and Jade. 

Bonus: Imani!

[thatwitchrevan]

modern au Revanna would be that girl who's like 'lol look your hands are bigger than mine' while grabbing their hand to compare to hers and whatever poor sap she pulled it on would just feel their stomach flip flop from touching her tiny hand and be like 'uh yeah lmao'

[thatwitchrevan]

Still haven't quite finished the fics I've been working on but I finally started working on the design for one of my Revan's tattoos that I've had in my head forever. I waffled on this tattoo for a while but I think I've finally decided it 'fuck it, give them the lily.' This is probably also her first tattoo ever as the other two I've decided on she gets way later on.

[thatwitchrevan]

Yo in a minute I'm gonna take the Sorting Hat Chats primary & secondary Hogwarts sorting quiz for Mer to see what it says and before I start it I'm gonna say that I see her as a Slytherin primary and a burned Hufflepuff secondary. Possibly the reverse as far as primary vs secondary, but she's definitely those two houses.

Revanna is very self-centered and self-interested, even when she really doesn't like herself. Her sphere of people she cares about enough to shape her choices around them is small, but she cares about them intensely. (She may also be a burned Slytherin, though, pre-Merith, because back then she was willing to cut ANYBODY off if it came to it, until she couldn't cut off Malak..and after her reboot, she can't let go of anybody she cares for even if they kill her.)

Obviously the big thing that comes up with Slytherin is ambition, and Revanna has that. Even after their supposed redemption, the switch just flips back to 'rescue the galaxy from evil.' It's a very tired, joyless ambition, but Merith absolutely cannot stay still for long. She needs a mission. They need to be saving somebody, defeating some enemy, fixing something. In a way, it becomes more desperate after KotOR I, because they need a way to make up for their mistakes. It becomes better intentioned but no less selfish, just like when they first went to fight in the Mandalorian Wars.

As for Hufflepuff... Can you really argue somebody like Revan doesn't work hard? She not only taught herself and Malak tons of skills, networked her way into a loyal army (with some murder in for good measure), got promoted to general, and basically won the war, but she also assembled her own droid in her spare time. Revanna is always training or learning or building connections. She wins people over and she loves them, even if she's often prickly about it (remember, she's burned.) She's quite literally always on the lookout for people to fit into a replacement family unit after being taken from her original one. She's got a heart so big that it suffocates when she decides to inflict harm. Which doesn't stop her, you'll note. Not often. But she's less burned later, when she has Bastila and Carth and her crew and she realizes this is okay, she can rely on this, and it's okay to let them change her a bit if it's for the better.

That's a whole lot of rambling to say 'they're a Slytherpuff' which I've said before, but I like thinking about these things so there it is. Now to actually do the quiz lol.

[thatwitchrevan]

Carth: Revan, I never doubted you for a moment!

Revan: Thank you, Carth. You're lying, though, right?

Carth: Yes. I doubted you very strongly.

[thatwitchrevan]

 more kotor playthrough scenes, this time featuring Bastila as she tries to convince a somewhat pissed off Merith to come with her to Dantooine once they escape the blockade. 

-

Bastila only looked slightly more serious than usual, but somehow Merith could tell she was nervous. She looked around at the other residents of their little hideout - Mission was sitting on one of the bunks playing pazaak with Big Z, who was sitting on the floor beside her, and Carth was relaxing on another bunk, or trying to at least. They were all across the room, but Bastila still felt the need to grab Merith’s arm and pull her even closer to the opposite wall, creating as much space as possible without anyone leaving the apartment. Merith saw Carth glance over at them as they moved. 

“Merith,” Bastila started. Sometimes her name sounded so unnatural coming from the Jedi’s mouth, like she wanted to pull rank instead but didn’t want to sound arrogant. Not that she was avoiding that anyway. “There’s something I need to discuss with you.”

Merith felt her mouth narrow into a frown. “Isn’t there always?”

Bastila sighed outright at that. “Please, just hear me out before you get cross with me. I know you’re angry after our last conversation, but-”

“You mean the one where you deflected responsibility for getting me into this situation? Because I’m a criminal?”

Bastila held up a hand, her eyes flashing with something fierce and a little dangerous that Merith had only seen glimpses of. “I don’t deny this is partly my fault, but now we are here and we must make the best of it. What I have to tell you is very important and you need to listen to me for things to get any better.”

Merith sighed, but she relented. Her frown didn’t soften, but she gave Bastila a stiff nod and resolved to keep her mouth shut for a moment.

“Thank you. Now Merith, I... I know you’ve been wondering about the dreams we’ve been having, and I’m sure you’ve also noticed that you have a somewhat... heightened awareness around me. I expect this has been confusing for you, but I think I might have some insight. I believe you are more than likely Force Sensitive.”

Merith sort of expected her to keep going, but she stopped there, looking expectantly at Merith as if waiting for her to say something. The nervous feeling had ramped up several notches.

For her part, Merith didn’t know how to react. She felt... not surprised, exactly? It was such a weird idea, and probably she should’ve been taken aback more, but somehow it just made sense that Bastila would come to this conclusion, whether she was right or not. And everything was already so weird anyway.

She dropped her gaze a moment, glancing at the floor, her feet, her hand that was fidgeting with the side of her shirt. Then she sighed again and looked back at Bastila. “So if I am, what does that mean? Am I a Jedi or something?”

Bastila had a kind of weird reaction - she almost laughed, a weird little breathy chuckle that she just as quickly cut off, making her face serious again. If anything had confused or surprised Merith, it was that, but Bastila was talking again too quickly for her to really process it. “Not necessarily. Lots of people have some level of Force Sensitivity, and only a small percentage of those have the control or the power to become Jedi. But it’s possible you could, and perhaps you could help us in ways a regular soldier never could.”

Merith glanced at Carth - he wasn’t looking directly at them anymore, but she couldn’t tell if he could hear them or not. She wondered if he’d also feel like punching Bastila if he could. “I don’t especially want to help you in general, so I’m not sure exactly what your pitch is here.”

Bastila narrowed her eyes. She seemed more angry than nervous now. “Think of it this way. If you have a talent for the Force, if you could help us win this war earlier, you’d win your freedom that much sooner, not to mention doing your part to stop Malak destroying the whole galaxy. Does that not sound worthwhile to you?”

It sounded like an empty promise, and far from worth it, but Merith didn’t bother pointing that out. Bastila either wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t care. To her, it was so obvious that anyone in the position to do so would want to be a hero, to save the galaxy on the Republic’s behalf. 

“What exactly are you asking me to do?”

“When we get off this planet, let's go to Dantooine. There’s a Jedi Enclave there where we can get some answers and figure out what to do next. And we’ll be safe from the Sith there.”

Merith eyed her warily. The idea of more Jedi certainly didn’t appeal to her, much less if they were going to back Bastila up on this theory of her being Force Sensitive. On the other hand, she didn’t have any other ideas, and Bastila was still the person keeping her alive and out of prison right now. “Do I have a choice?”

This time when Bastila frowned, she finally looked genuinely sorry. “I’m afraid none of us do right now. But don’t worry. I’ll have your back.”

Merith didn’t know why that made her feel even a little better, all things considered. But it did.

[thatwitchrevan]

Odd-ish OCs Asks with Merith (Part One)

I said I might fill out some old ask memes so here’s me doing that. For this one I’m doing this post of fifty questions, but since that’s long as heck I’m just doing the first 25 for this post. I’m answering all of these for my Revan, Merith Concort, first. If I like the meme maybe I’ll do it for more OCs later, especially if anybody wants to see a specific one. 

How do they respond to having a song stuck in their head? Does that happen to them often?

She hums it to herself when she’s alone until she eventually forgets about it. Sometimes ends up singing it in the shower. It doesn’t happen super often especially since she doesn’t go out of her way to listen to music a lot, but it is really annoying when it does happen. 

How do they feel about confronting their friends when issues arise?

Not! Good! As Revan it was one thing, because they’re a leader, they have all this influence and confidence that people will listen, if not outright authority, but even then when it comes to confronting someone over a problem it’s just.. yikes. She’s kind of terrible at it too, like avoiding things until conflict just explodes and then she’s burned her bridges instead of fixing anything. For Merith it’s a bit different because she’s not in that position of power and for a while neither she nor her friends, besides Bastila, even know she is Revan, so it’s just her and her relationships. It’s still tough, but Mer is a little bit more mature and can usually make herself talk to people even when she doesn’t want to, and manages to protect her relationships better as a result. 

When speaking to themselves in their mind, how do they refer to themselves?

Probably in first person, like I do with myself lol. 

Do they enjoy wearing socks/stockings when they aren’t wearing shoes?

No, unless their feet are really cold. Socks feel weird, barefoot is the way to go. 

Do they have any unappealing habits?

She picks at her scabs and scars a lot. It’s gross, it interrupts them healing, it’s messy, and she won’t stop.

How do they cope with losing a game?

Depends on the game. She’s usually not too upset, just kind of annoyed at worst, so she’d just kind of walk away to cool off or try to move on to something else. She’s not big on games anyway.

How do they cope with losing an argument?

Ooh, not well, usually. They’re not really used to losing arguments and when they do it’s a lot of sulking or fuming. 

How do they cope with losing a friend?

On the bad end, self-isolation and alcohol. On better days when she has support and is able to cope in a more healthy way, she leans on whatever loved one is with her for comfort. She also starts meditating a lot more after losing Malak, but it’s harder dealing with the period when Bastila isn’t talking to her, and with that she tends to bottle it up and then breakdown into frustrated tears. She also talks a lot of this through with Carth, which helps because he understands pretty well and reminds her she’s not alone anymore.

How do they cope with losing a lover?

Pretty much just denial. They push those hurt feelings down and try to move on. It helps that their relationships with Tilly and Alina weren’t meant to be long-term in the first place; Tilly was their first girlfriend, who they always expected they’d drift away from once they both became jedi knights, and Tilly pretty much agreed. Her and Alina were friends with benefits by design, and even though Revanna did catch feelings a bit, she breaks it off in time to maintain the deliberate distance she put between them and move on. 

Do they enjoy sitting on counter tops?

Yeah. I have a scene in one fic where she perches on her own kitchen counter while talking to Dustil. 

How expressive is their face? Are they easy to read?

Unless she’s working pretty hard to hide it, she's not too hard to read. She’s not always super expressive, cause she kind tries to keep negative emotions especially to herself a lot of the time, but still even a blankly upset expression can give away a lot if she’s not careful. This is part of the reason for The Mask lol. It also doesn’t help that a lot of the people she would want to hide her feelings from a) know her super well and b) have a force bond with her.

How do they deal with experiencing physical pain?

They’re pretty good with physical pain. They’ve had to deal with a lot ofc and have a pretty high tolerance.

Are they easily insulted?

Lol yeah.

Would they prefer to act or react?

Act. She wants to be in control and on top of things.

How would they respond to performing on stage?

She would not go for that lmao.

Would they ever wear perfume or cologne? When? What would the scent be?

She normally doesn’t, but if she were to wear any she’d either wear a light floral perfume or a subtle, woodsy cologne. Something simple and not too sweet or heavy. She thinks heavy perfume is gross.

Could their personality or interests be considered “flighty?” Do they change their mind/interests often?

Hmm, personality maybe, interests no. They can be pretty inconsistent in their morals, how they treat people, stuff like that. Like after Malachor V when Revan woke up, they were immediately concerned about Meetra, but even though they asked about her while they were still in recovery, as soon as they were better they took off without seeing her and ofc when they came back it was all ‘I’m evil now’ and ‘you’re either with me or you’re against me’. 

Do they daydream? Of what?

Young Revan daydreams of getting to leave Dantooine and be a big Jedi hero. As she gets older she tries to curb her daydreaming in favor of actually making things happen, but she’s still always thinking of whatever she wants from her future.

What is the most inappropriate thing they have ever done in public?

I don’t know of a specific incident lol. But it probably falls more in the ‘publicly swearing/yelling/fighting’ category rather than any sexy or drunken antics.

What was their favorite toy as a child?

Probably some kind of small plush toy. Her mom is a zoologist/entomologist and baby Revan always found the bugs her mom studied fascinating, so she’d probably have a little plush moth or some kind of cute bug to play with.

What was their favorite way to play as a child (ex: playing pretend, playing games with rules like tag,)?

Hide & seek and coloring.

How do they sneeze (ex: loudly, quietly, openly, into their elbow, hold the sneeze in)?

They have a pretty small, quiet sneeze.

When engaged in an irritating conversation, how to they conduct themselves?

They tend to snark and barely hide their disgust. If necessary they’ll pour on the charm.

What words make them cringe?

[Vrook voice] Revanna. 

How do they feel in large crowds?

Trapped.

[thatwitchrevan]

So I remembered earlier today that this time next month, December 21st, is the birthday I had picked for my Revan! I don't think I've ever done anything celebratory for them on their birthday but I'm going to plan on at least like. Acknowledging it and posting some fic about them probably.

[thatwitchrevan]

I've been listening to 'Into the Unknown' a couple times today and.. That bit where Elsa's like 'you're not a voice, you're just a ringing in my ear'? The utter denial of it all? A Merith mood.

[thatwitchrevan]

swoc things I'm thinking about tonight:

- Merith probably has a couple houseplants in their apartment on Coruscant. They're not much for decorating, so otherwise the apartment would be really bland and empty, and they're just used to being surrounded by nature so when it comes time to make their new permanent residence more homey..plants.

- also Carth got her like, a cushion or a rug or something right by the Big Plant by the window bc sometimes when she goes to water it she just ends up, like, sitting/laying there for a while? Bc energy is finite and it's a nice spot. Yes she is kinda like a cat.

- similarly Zofi has. A least one bean bag chair in her ship. It migrates to wherever she needs it at the moment but typically can be found in the cockpit for when she needs to Chill.

- also thinking about Zofi's relationships with Riley and Theron and the differences between them.

- and speaking of relationships I keep just thinking vaguely of Tarreen and Jenner and I really want to explore their friendship even though I have almost nothing written for either of them individually...

- which ocs say 'fuck' the most and which ones use star wars flavored alternatives instead. (Merith and Meetra both say fuck a lot.)