#mentions of suicide /

[sweetteaanddragons]

So I was rereading the part of the Silmarillion where Haleth appears for fic-writing reasons, and it reminded me of several things I had forgotten/formed misconceptions about:

The Haladin do not have a village prior to the orc-raid! They have independent homesteads. When the orcs come, they retreat to a defensible position and build a defensive wall, which is probably where my vision of them living in a walled village came from, but these are still two very different things.

Haldad is not their chief! He is the guy who takes charge; he is the guy who appears to be leading the defensive and offensive efforts; he is very much their leader in this situation, but this is not some kind of pre-established, formal position.

Haldar dies trying to keep his dad's corpse from being mutilated by the orcs which is not a detail I'd formed a misconception about, just forgotten entirely.

Speaking of heartbreaking details I had forgotten about, some of the Haladin lost hope during the siege and drowned themselves in the river.

. . . I should probably do a full Silmarillion reread sometime soon to see what else I've forgotten/gotten mixed up about.

[m3vl0vesu]

SPIDEY STUFF

TW: Bullying, mentions of suicide, it's just kind of sad

A/N:don't know if I'm going anywhere with this or if it's been done before. Probably has but🤷‍♀️

Do you know how angsty a Spider fic can get?? Most Spideys are teenagers, and of course their canon events, sprinkle in some bullying and feeling outcasted by society and there you have it! A real Spider-person. They've got faster healing, an abnormal amount of strength and can deflect most attacks due to their spidey sense. But they're not immortal, if they die, they die. And they know that, you know that, we all do. But do other people?

The cities' civilians don't know anything about their local hero. The people they work with? They don't know if the kid can't die-i mean the reckless shit they do? They might as well be immortal if they keep on risking their life like that. Or they just count it as 'stupid teen doing stupid stuff' if they do know. And it hurts, the lack of empathy people have but they used to it by now. .

.

. 'Adrenaline' thats what you say. When people ask 'why do you swing so low sometimes' especially when your coming off a tall building. Should you tell them the truth?

Yeah.

Would you?

Hell no.

In reality you were testing yourself, it started slowly. Seeing how low you could get without being scared. Scared to hit the ground, you were just making sure that you weren't going to change your mind. And not once would you. You awaited the day the impact will finally kill you. You could make it look like an accident as well.

Maybe you forgot to make your web fluid that day, maybe you just idiotically went too low. People would maybe pick up on it, how sometimes your body would almost touch the pavement before you swung away. You were always quiet when doing it, not cracking a few obnoxious jokes. But you were just focusing, that's all. Nothing to worry about.

But just how long would they have their Spidey? And how long had their happy one been gone?

[ailithnight]

A few notes:

I originally planned to have this one have a couple of povs like the first, but then u got carried away writing feral Danny so, just Tim today.

I hope to get the next one out sometime this weekend cause it's harder to write when I have work.

Also, everyone thank @cursedzucchini for writing the comment that gave me the executive function to take these words out of my brain and put them in my phone. Reading that there was someone out there checking the tag for updates every day really motivated me.

Now, without further ado

Chapter 1

A King in Arkham

Chapter 2

Tim sighs, rubbing his temples and attempting to will away the sleep deprivation headache currently pounding on the inside of his skull. Pushing 80 hours awake, the last 38 of which have been spent combing backwards through any and all Arkham documents pertaining to one Daniel James Fenton.

He moved his hands away from his head, placing them on the fresh cup of coffee that had materialized while he was massaging, giving a cursory "Thanks" the retreating body. Normally, Alfred would have cut Tim off from caffeine yesterday. But it seems even the old butler was keen on something being found to justify pulling the kid out of Arkham.

Or maybe that was Jason fueling Tim's addiction. Man had been hovering since Batman called him back at the last break out. At least Dick had been able to reason better with the most volatile of the Wayne siblings.

"Picking him up and running won't do either of you any favors, Little Wing. It'll just put him and Hood on wanted posters. If you want him to have any shot at a life out here, you gotta let Bruce take it through the proper channels."

That had at least prevented Jason from snapping on anyone immediately, though he had seen fit to warn everyone that of they didn't have something by the next break out, he'd be doing it his way.

Which is why Tim had spent the last day and a half poring over every medical record, therapy session, schedule, action report, and discipline slip Arkham had on file that even mentioned Patient 26B.

Meanwhile, Oracle had her hands full trying to find any background information on the young ward. A task which itself was proving challenging because the place the kid came from seemed to have no digital presence at all. None. Not a Facebook or Twitter or MySpace pinging from the area. Not an email address or YouTube account. Not a single god damned website. Not even a .gov! Hell, the only reason they knew the city's name is because it was listed in the CPS paperwork from Chicago.

In other places, small towns and communities in the middle of nowhere, this wouldn't really raise any red flags. But Amity Park was not actually a nowhere town. It certainly wasn't a Gotham or Metropolis. But it was big enough to have formed a conurbation with the nearby city of Elmerton. Which had a perfectly normal digital presence. So Amity Park's lack of digital presence screamed Communications Blackout. A frighteningly strong one to still be giving Oracle the run around almost 2 days later.

Once Tim was finished reviewing Arkham reports, then the 3 weeks of documents from Daniel's stay in Chicago, he'd probably offer to help her. Though she might tell him to go the fuck to sleep instead.

For now. Tim was nearing the beginning of the kid's Arkham stay and; on top of not yet finding any clues as to why the kid was in Arkham, nor anything that could possibly exonerate him; the kid just made no damn sense!

His therapy sessions were all the same dead end.

The therapist would ask he he was feeling. The kid would apparently shrug, or sometimes mumble something the therapists could never quite catch.

They'd ask the standard suicide questions. "Any thoughts of wishing you could go to sleep and not wake up?"

A shrug.

"Any thoughts of wanting to take your own life or wishing someone would take it for you?"

Vehenement refusal bordering on a panic attack.

Move on to the hurting people questions.

"Any thoughts of wanting to harm other people?"

"No." According to the doctors, his tone here is immediate, calm, confident. Truthful. If the Arkham psyches are to be believed.

"Any thoughts of wanting to harm yourself?"

"No." Slower, quieter, meeker. Noted as a clear lie, citing the injuries as evidence.

"Then why do you, Danny?"

"I don't."

"Then where did your injuries come from."

"The ghosts," said with a sigh

At this point, it seems Daniel shuts down. He says nothing else for the rest of the session. Shows no outward response as the therapist tries to convince him there are no ghosts and Daniel must be giving himself those injuries.

2 and a half months. Daily therapy sessions. And every single one is the exact same script. The only differences are some minor notes as Daniel is passed around between therapists as they all inevitably get frustrated talking to the emotionless block of ice.

Outside of the therapy sessions and medical reports documenting the frankly horrifying amount of injuries Danny accumulates, there's not much in his file. He follows all instructions to the letter; never causes trouble for guards or other inmates; and every single locks malfunction, he has afterward been found lying on his bed in his cell staring at the ceiling. If he was somewhere else when the malfunction happened, security footage catches him walking there himself. If he was already in his cell, footage keeps him there the whole time.

Tim sighs again, clicking out of the medical report detailing the nasty bruise that had appeared on the kid's lower left back, then opens up the next file up without reading the name fully expecting it to be another tedious therapy session report.

Instead, he finds a discipline slip with the relevant security clip embedded at the top. The first frame is of the cafeteria. Daniel is sitting alone at a table in the top right. Tim's breath catches in his throat as he recognizes the demented clown in the center of the frame. Hastily, he plays the clip.

There is no sound but Joker appears to say something to the room. Daniel is suddenly standing, whipped around to face the clown. The Joker turns towards him. Daniel tenses. The Joker tenses.

In the next second, Daniel is on the Joker. He's kicking, scratching, biting. Absolutely feral as he just reigns fury upon the most feared and hated rogue in all of Gotham. Surrounding inmates are fleeing to the sides of the room as the Joker seemingly tries to get away from the kid, only succeeding in moving the "fight" around the room. It's hardly a fight. More like a vicious, brutal assault. Inmates cheer as blood appears on the floor. Guards move in, pulling the feral 15 year old off of the Joker; who stays down, potentially unconscious. 2 guards go to help the one currently attempting to restrain Daniel. 6 more converge on the Joker, blocking him from view. As soon as he can no longer see the Joker, Daniel seems to go limp in the guards hands. Then he tenses again, though not struggling. Tim just catches the beginning stages of what seems to be a panic attack before the clip ends.

Tim stares dumbfounded at the screen for several moments. When he snaps out of it enough to actually read the incident report, it is a basic transcription of what Tim just witnessed with confirmation that Daniel had a panic attack immediately after. The report also notes that other than the panic attack, Daniel seemed to sustain no harm. He was disciplined with 3 days without cafeteria privileges, so his meals were brought to his cell, and 3 days without Crafts room privileges.

A note at the bottom of the report reads "To prevent further incidents, Patient 26B and the Joker are no longer permitted to be in the same room or yard."

This makes Tim click out of the discipline slip -without closing it, just moving it to a different section of the batcomputer's massive screen- and scan the rest of the files. There are 2 more. One from a week prior and one from Daniel's first dat at Arkham. He opens both, placing them at points on the screen so that all 3 are visible.

The one from the week prior shows the Crafts Room. Danny is again in an upper corner. Time plays it. The door opens. Joker walks in. Seems to look at Daniel, then rushes him. Daniel looks up before the Joker makes it half way across the room, then in the next second meets him there. Another feral fight only broken up by the guards when the Joker stops moving. Again, Danny goes limp as soon as the Joker is out of sight. The rest of the report confirming a panic attack but no injuries. 2 days lost privileges.

The report from Daniel's first day again shows the cafeteria. This time, Daniel is center frame. Joker comes up behind him. Daniel tenses but doesn't turn yet. Joker seems to be saying g something, then laughs. Daniel hunches in on himself, seeming to mumble a response. Whatever he said makes the Joker laugh harder. Then he leans down over Daniel's shoulder, talking. Daniel seems frozen for not even half a second before he suddenly pushes himself out of his seat, straight in to the Joker, twisting as he goes to begin the attack. Since it's obviously the first time, the rest of the cafeteria freezes. No one reacts for a solid 6 seconds. Then guards are moving in, hauling the teenager away. The Joker stands unsteadily then takes a knee. He has to be led limping out of the room. Guards struggle to restrain Daniel until the Joker is gone, whereafter Daniel goes boneless, then begins panicking. Report confirms panic attack and no injuries. 1 day lost privileges.

Tim stares at the batcomputer for several minutes, trying very hard to process what he has just learned. His brain feels like soup. He rubs his eyes, looks at his coffee, grabs a comm to put in his ear. His voice is strained as he speaks.

Anyone nearby who can come to the cave for a minute?

Jason responds instantly.

Upstairs. Find something?

I don't... know. I just. Someone come confirm I didn't just hallucinate what I just watched and read.

Red Robin? What did you find?

Not saying until someone else can confirm it.

Red Robin

On my way down.

.

"What the actual fuck?"

[the-starlight-mistress]

Gravity Falls Final Test Au

Ok, so I’ve finally given in and made a gravity falls AU.

In this AU bill is nearing the end at his time at the Theraprism. Or at least, he should be. If he wants to actually get out of here he needs to pass one final test.

He gets to have a human body, go to the last place he was before admitted to the facility, and try to live a life showing he has changed.

If he doesn’t show any progress he’s sent back to Theraprism and has to continue his indefinite stay, anyone he’s made contact with get’s their mind wiped of his recent interaction, and any trouble he’s cause is reversed.

Will bill be able to handle it if he’s forgotten by another person?

It won’t come to that, he’ll just find the most normal person in gravity falls and follow their lead, then the whole stupid Pine family, and the stupid Axolotl will see that he’s not as obsessive as they all like to think he is.

Now then, the most normal person in gravity falls… what about this Tad Stange?

I’ll be keeping my log of “episodes” under the cut

All spoilers are in the tags

Episodes:

Prologue

Episode 1 "The Final Test"

Episode 2 "Tad Strange: he sure is"

[jewish-vents]

I'm in a lot of fandom...however I feel more and more excluded because a majority of them openly support Hamas and glorify awful things like Aaron Bushnell's suicide (which has been endorsed by Hamas itself, but of course, people choose to ignore this). You can't say "I support the people in Israel" without getting attacked.

Everytime I see a Palestine flag in someone's bio or see them reblogging things like blood libels or "Israelis are settler-colonialists", I can't help but feel a jolt of fear...and wonder if they genuinely want Jews like me and my family dead.

.

[creativename87]

orv spoilers!!!

ok guys. guys. why aren't we spending every single fucking moment of our lives talking about the oldest dream & kim dokja scene?? like hello??? i'm not even talking about when kdj tries to stab himself no no i'm talking about the few, small moment leading up to that, when it's just them, staring at each other.

it's such an gut wrenching powerful scene in my opinion. like like like oh my god. so much has happened. and yet, and yet to them it's still about the same webnovel. kim dokja has aged thirteen years since he was this kid, but as he steps forward they still are both just kim dokja.

They both remember the cold rush of air when they leapt from their school balcony. They both remember the breathless laugh before they did it. They probably both remember the way it reminded them of when they were five, getting thrown into the air by their mother, her face not yet wrinkled with regret. They remember the way it burned as they hit the cold pavement and as blood seeped into the concrete. the way that whole thing was nothing more than a reminder that this time there was no one left to catch them.

They remember the flashes of cameras and they both remember typing three tiny words into the hospital computer.

They are both kim dokja: One is just the past and the other is the future.

They stare at each other when by all definitions they shouldn't be allowed to exist close to other. Kim Dokja hates him, he hates himself and he hates his past. and the oldest dream wishes he were him he wishes he could be someone stronger ,someone better, and that's why our kim dokja exists. They are trapped in this circle of resentment and remorse.

His companions stare, registering the scene in front of them. what this means. and it's this heartbreaking sort of realization that the god they came here to fight is not just a child, but the past of their leader. this world that has bruised them and hurt them and killed those they loved, was caused by one of the ones they loved.

And then the oldest dream( he's just a fifteen-year-old kid. he doesn't even have a drivers license yet. he doesn't know anything in this world except for pain and the rush of joy that comes with another chapter) opens his mouth. He stares at his future. A future he has created for himself. and he whispers, in a slow voice, his face twisting

"M-monster…"

[chaotic-orphan]

Could you do a story where a guard of a Supermax prison befriends a supervillain, because he treats him like a genuine human being instead of an animal; and later, all the power-dampeners suddenly fail; and all these villains just revolt against the guards; but supervillain makes sure he’s safe since he was always kind to him?

I apologize if you don’t take asks, I wasn’t sure!!

I absolutely take asks! It’s confusing because I made Orphan a secondary blog by accident, and I don’t think the ask shows up but please don’t be afraid to send them!

This looks fun thank you very much!

*~*~*~*~*

When Superhero brought Supervillain to the Supermax prison, Jack and Rufus were on duty to bring Supervillain to his specially made holding cell. Fabricator had been in the Daedalian all week, making sure that Supervillain’s cell would hold him for his entire sentence.

Rufus was impatient after getting word from Superhero that Supervillain was apprehended and on route to secure him in the Daedalian.

The prison was called the Daeds colloquially, or at least that’s what Jack and everyone around him had always called it. The Daeds, not a very terrifying name but its idea was that the prison was like the labyrinth that Daedalus made in Greek mythology, keeping the minotaur at bay. Or in this case: keeping the Villains away from the rest of society and keeping the rest of society away from the Villains.

“Do I look okay?” Rufus asked for the seventh time since Superhero’s warning. He was sitting at the reception desk while Jack stood behind the reception desk, arms folded leaning against the wall, eyes focused on the doors.

“You look fine,” said Jack without looking at him.

“We’re going to meet Superhero; I want to make a good impression.”

“I’m sure Superhero will have other things on his mind than to notice you,” said Jack, voice dry and mocking. Rufus turned in his seat to throw a glare Jack’s way.

“I know you’re new here, Rookie,” said Rufus, knowing Jack hated the name, “So let me give you some advice if you don’t want to be a Rookie for the rest of your life. Superhero sees talent and professionalism as commodities and if you get on his good side then you get promoted.”

“Oh yeah?” Jack asked, raising his brows, taking his eyes off the door and looking at Rufus.

“Yeah,” Rufus said, a superior smile gracing his ugly, rat-like face.

“How’s that working out for ya?”

Jack suppressed a smile when the insult landed on Rufus’s ears. He opened to his mouth to argue back but stopped at the noise. Jack’s eyes went to the doors as they heard the familiar buzz of the prison doors, followed by commotion.

Rufus’s retort was lost on his lips as he straightened, standing up to greet their guests. Even Jack fixed his uniform before the double doors opened in front of them.

Sidekick came in first, tall, skinny, face hidden behind a mask that covered his mouth. Jack couldn’t remember his power but could tell from the way they held himself that Sidekick wasn’t one to be messed with.

Maybe the superiority came with the job description as Superhero’s assistant.

“Hello, Superhero will bring Supervillain in in a moment. They told me to warn you again, not to look Supervillain in the eyes.”

“Of course, Sidekick,” Rufus said, bowing his head solemnly.

Jack tilted his head. “Doesn’t Supervillain have power dampeners on?”

Sidekick looked back at Jack, eyes narrowing slightly at being questioned.

“Always good to be cautious,” said Sidekick coldly.

“Of course, Sidekick. You are absolutely right. You will have to excuse Rookie here, they are new.”

“Right. This is the way things are, Rookie,” said Sidekick with a roll of his eyes.

“My name’s Jack,” said Jack flatly. “Maybe with you heroes this is the way things are, yeah. However, in the Daeds your job is done, respectfully, Sidekick. We’ll handle things our way.”

“Jack!” Rufus chided, and at this point Jack didn’t care anymore. If Sidekick was going to be rude, then Jack could be too.

Sidekick narrowed his eyes further at Jack’s comment but couldn’t speak further on the matter when the doors opened again, and Superhero walked in.

A hush fell over the room. Superhero had a hand on Supervillain’s elbow as they escorted him in. They both looked like shit, but Supervillain was definitely the worse off of the pair. Jack noticed the Sentinels from the permitter of the prison follow behind.

Two stayed on the other side of the door, two more followed Supervillain and Superhero inside, standing like statues with guns ready to fire at any point. Their faces covered by visors, and Jack wasn’t entirely sure they were human, but they gave them the creeps, nonetheless.

Jack noticed Rufus bow his head and make a point of not looking directly at Supervillain, but Jack stared at his ruffed-up face as they entered. Supervillain’s face was covered in bruises, some an old, fading green like the one on his jaw, and the newer ones angrier looking, a mix of purple, blues and reds.

Blood was crusted on Supervillain’s upper lip and chin from what Jack could only imagined came when Superhero broke Supervillain’s nose. The broken nose and busted lip and blood trails only added to Supervillain’s already roguish appearance. A devil-may-care smile made its way onto his lips when he saw Rufus bow his head on Superhero’s command.

His grey eyes widened slightly when he met Jack’s, and he tilted his head slightly, smile growing more bemused than smug.

“Hello Rufus, good to see you. Have all the arrangements been made for the security of Supervillain like I asked?”

“Yes, Superhero. Uh good to see you too! All requirements for, um, the prisoner’s cell have been fulfilled.”

“Marvellous,” Superhero sighed, then nodded at Rufus. “If you will show me the way I can escort him.”

“Of course, Superhero,” said Rufus, grabbing the keycard from behind the desk and nodding. “Right away, Superhero.”

“Actually— “said Jack without thinking, and then instantly regretted it when all eyes turned on them. Two pairs unfriendly, one set tired, and one set of eyes curious, surprised even. “The protocol is you sign in the prisoner here and we take it from there.”

Supervillain suppressed a laugh, lips curling in on themselves as he turned his head away with a slight breathy huff.

Superhero cocked an eyebrow, glancing from Jack to Rufus for an explanation. Rufus was instantly at Jack’s side, slapping him on the arm.

“Forgive them, Superhero… they— “

“They’re new,” informed Sidekick curtly.

Superhero blinked. “I— okay? Nice to meet you, we can discuss this further after I have made sure that Supervillain is secured.”

“I’m afraid I can’t let you beyond this point,” said Jack, standing his ground. “No member of the public— “

“I am not just a member of the public,” Superhero interjected, more confused than angry. Although Jack noted, Sidekick’s stare had enough hatred in his gaze for them both. “I am— “

“Not just a member of the public,” said Jack coolly, cutting them off, “but a member of the public no less. Unless you are officially authorised— “

“Of course, they are officially authorised,” Rufus said through gritted teeth.

Jack shrugged. “Sorry, I just didn’t see any papers. I have no problem letting you through if you have the authorisation, Superhero.”

Supervillain let out a squeak before he swallowed the rest of his chuckle.

It was Sidekick who answered: “call the Mayor, she’ll give the authorisation.”

“Not political authorisation. Legal authorisation.”

Superhero was starting to grow more tired by the minute. “Listen, kid— “

“Officer,” Jack supplied helpfully.

Superhero grit his teeth at being cut off again. “Officer, I always bring in Villains. I understand there is a need to prove yourself, however— “

“However, section 38 of the regulatory arrests by Heroes act says that in regard to the apprehension of Villains, and or, Supervillains, by a Hero, and or Superhero, a Hero will be permitted to bring a Villain into the custody of [Supermax prison].”

“So let them in,” said Sidekick, but Jack just smiled at them.

“You are permitted only to bring a Villain into the custody of the Daeds. However, I realise you want to bring Supervillain into the cell and make sure he is secured. In that case, I assume that you have an order pursuant to section 38, paragraph 3A.”

Superhero blinked at Jack, while Sidekick stepped forward threateningly. “Do you know how long of a day we’ve had? Just forego the fucking Heroes Arrest Act and let us through.”

Jack’s eyes were cool when they found Sidekick’s blue ones that were blazing with hellfire. Jack stepped forward, matching Sidekick’s stance, and thankfully he was roughly the same height as Sidekick otherwise it would have been awkward.

“I’m afraid this is a prison, Sidekick. Laws apply here. I can’t just disregard statute, and unlawfully allow you to enter to satisfy your tantrum. Unless you want me to authorise everyone to be allowed entry to the most secure prison in the country?” Sidekick’s jaw set hard, but they were the first to look away and step back slightly. Jack turned his attention back to Superhero who was far more amiable.

“I am assuming by Sidekick’s anger that you don’t have the proper authorisation to bring Supervillain further. I will take Supervillain off your hands and make sure they are secured and properly handled under our care. You have my word. Rufus, here, will take care of the proper paperwork you have to sign,” Jack said, taking a bit of joy in Sidekick’s furious helplessness.

Superhero, who looked like shit too, just nodded, rubbing their temple at the many, many words Jack was spouting. To be honest, they didn’t want to sign paperwork. They just wanted to get home and have a long hot shower. Order a takeaway. Relax.

“Okay,” said Superhero with a nod. “We’ll do that. Stand down, Sidekick.”

“But— “

“We can talk to the mayor, tomorrow,” said Superhero, staring at Jack with a measured gaze and a neutral expression.

“Give the Mayor my best,” said Supervillain casually as Superhero handed Supervillain over to Jack.

“He’s your problem now,” said Superhero. “Good luck.”

Jack nodded at Superhero, then turned and brought Supervillain through to processing. Only after the doors closed with a loud beep did Jack let out a breath, he didn’t know he was holding.

“Very bold of you to stand up to Superhero,” Supervillain mused, voice teasing. “What was your name again, Officer?”

“I didn’t give it,” Jack said with a shrug.

Supervillain hummed. “Of course, what is your name then Officer?”

“Officer will do just fine,” Jack replied curtly, heart hammering against his chest.

“Of course, Officer. And is your background in law, or do you just like to know your rights?”

“I’d prefer if we didn’t talk about me if it’s all the same to you.”

Supervillain went quiet for a moment. Then said, “alright. You’re a smart one, never give anything for free.”

“It’s just not professional,” Jack said after a hesitant pause. Why did he feel he needed to explain his behaviour to Supervillain of all people?

“Of course, I understand Officer. I’m guessing I never killed anyone belonging to you since you’re very calm and collected in my handling. Unlike Sidekick.”

Jack clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “I’d prefer if you stopped trying to get me to talk to you, Supervillain.”

Supervillain went very tense under Jack’s hand and Jack was sure that Supervillain was going to strangle him there and then. Then, Supervillain relaxed and nodded.

“I can respect that, Officer.”

That was it.

Supervillain didn’t speak again, didn’t put up a fuss or plead or try and persuade Jack to free him. He didn’t make another offer or attempt to start a conversation. He followed all the procedures up to, and including, taking his cuffs off when he was in the cell.

“This place…” Supervillain said, a shiver running down his spine. “It’s strange. Unnatural. With the power dampeners you can still feel your power underneath them, trying to escape but here— I just feel empty.”

Supervillain looked at Jack through the bars, grey eyes apologetic as he spoke. “I’m sorry. I just— I talk a lot. It’s strange.”

“I’ll bring by dinner and get the Doctor to fix you up in a while.”

“Thank you, Officer.”

Jack didn’t say anything to that as he left. He didn’t know how to respond and even if he did what would he say?

I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable?

This is what you get for the blood on your hands?

Neither of them seemed satisfactory to Jack so he left the room in silence. Leaving Supervillain’s words of gratitude lingering on the air.

                                        *~*~*~*~*

Rufus didn’t talk to Jack for a few days after “embarrassing” them in front of Superhero and Sidekick. Jack honestly wished he knew how to get Rufus to shut up sooner, or he would’ve done it weeks ago.

Alastair laughed when Jack told him the story in the locker room two days later. Alastair was pulling on his steel toed boots, sitting on the bench in the middle of the locker room while Jack buttoned up the shirt of his uniform.

“Damn, kid,” he said in his rough, northern accent. “I don’t know if I would have done that.”

Jack furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

Alastair shrugged and said: “Superhero is a powerful enemy to have.”

“Superhero didn’t really have the problem; it was more Sidekick.”

“Same difference.”

“How?” Jack asked. “The law is the law. I can’t bend the rules for the superhero who seeks to enforce them.”

“I’m not saying you should. I’m just saying you’re braver than I am.”

Jack smiled at that, as he pulled his tie from his locker and wrapped it around his neck.

“Well, that makes sense. Your bones old and weary now.”

“I can still beat you in a fight ya wee shit,” Alastair said without hesitation. Jack let out a loud, bold laughter at that, and Alastair joined in soon after.

*~*~*~*~*

Alastair got off the phone later that same day and let out a sigh. Jack was just coming back from his lunch, and when Alastair’s eyes landed on him, he beamed with a devilish glint in his eyes.

“Chef doesn’t want to give Supervillain his food,” said Alastair.

Jack wrinkled his nose at that. “Why?”

“Afraid he might hex them or something. Said he can’t afford to be fired if he tries to stab one of us later.”

“Just tell him that his powers don’t— “

Alastair waved Jack away. “Ya can’t explain all that high spec shit to the superstitious small-town folk, Jack. The only reason there’s a small town here is because the Daeds makes jobs, and jobs mean people and people mean towns and schools and — “

“So, what, did Supervillain not even get breakfast?” Jack asked, incredulous. Alastair shook his head with a resigned “Nope.”

“Fuck. Well…”

“That’s what I said too, Jack,” Alastair said with a mischievous grin. “I told Chef it’s fine. Jack is immune to Supervillain’s powers and that you’ll bring him his meals every day.”

“Everyday? I don’t work seven days, Alastair.”

“I guess he’ll starve then when you’re out, won’t he?”

Jack glared at Alastair. Then shook his head and sighed. “I’ll arrange something with Chef for when I’m not working. Maybe double up on meals or something.”

“God damn, kid,” Alastair grinned, beaming his handsome smile at Jack. “You just solve all my problems.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jack said, waving him off as they headed for the Supermax ward of the Daedalian. “You just sit here and rest, wouldn’t want you breaking something if you had to actually work.”

“Come back and say that to my face,” Alastair threatened as Jack swiped his card to the iron bolt doors.

“Get hearing aids, old man.”

Alastair quipped something back, but the door had closed in that time leaving Jack alone in the hallway that connected the reception desk to the Supermax ward.

The closest ward to the Guard’s hut, and consequently, the Sentinels. Jack had to pass them at every corner once they got into Maximum Security. The cold, unfeeling things, always staring vacantly through his visors down at Jack.

Maybe they would bring Supervillain his food on Jack’s days off.

The thought of speaking to one of the sentinels scared Jack more than Supervillain starving to death on his watch. So, Jack would have to figure out something else.

*~*~*~*~*

Supervillain’s cell was locked behind locked door on locked door, on a locked ward from a locked corridor and buried under 50 feet of concrete. If there was any signal going awry in the prison, Fabrikator would know and would be alerted with her strange power that there was a fault and come fix it.

The best repair woman to have around, but her eyes were always a little to the left of you in a conversation, like she was seeing things that normal people didn’t.

When the final doors opened up to get into Supervillain’s cell, Jack took a breath then walked in. The door closed and locked behind Jack and couldn’t be opened from this side anyway. He had to wait for the person at the desk to buzz them out.

Supervillain was sitting on his bed at the back of the cell. His grey eyes found Jack’s and they smiled. His colour was better, his face a little less bruised. Now just more swollen than sore looking.

“I thought you were going to starve me,” said Supervillain, voice dry and crackling from disuse.

“Oh, we are,” said Jack, and Supervillain froze. “This is my lunch. I just thought I’d torture you with it.”

Supervillain raised his eyebrows, questioning how stupid they look at moving to stand from the bed. “I— “

“I’m just joking,” Jack said, smiling and walking over to the bars of the cell. “Sorry. The chef is superstitious. Afraid you’re going to control his mind and make them do awful things.”

“Who can blame them, really,” said Supervillain. His tone was self-deprecating, but behind it, Jack detected something sad. He pushed the tray through the hole in the bars, and Supervillain took it. “Thank you, Jack. Your kind to bring me this.”

Jack stepped back and nodded. “It’s a basic human right, Supervillain.”

“Some people say I’m not human,” Supervillain said, bringing the tray to the table and sitting down at it. Plastic knife and fork and spoon.

“I think with all the shitty things you’ve done, Supervillain, you could only be human. You scare people because you’re powerful, yes, but I don’t think that’s the extent of the fear you get.”

“No?”

“No,” said Jack, “I think people fear you more because you’re a reminder of who we all have the capacity to be.”

“Hmm,” was all Supervillain replied as he cut into his roast chicken dinner. Jack stood there for a while, more because Chef said that he has to collect the tray and the dishes.

Supervillain didn’t leave him waiting long. It must have only been five minutes when Supervillain sat back with a big sigh and a satisfied smile. Those grey eyes found Jack’s and his smile almost softened. Or maybe Jack was just imagining it.

“Please give my compliments to the chef, Officer.”

Jack let out a little awkward laugh. “I would, but they’d probably think it was a spell that you were using to control them.”

Supervillain laughed a little at that too. He picked up the tray and brought it to the bars, sliding it through for Jack to take.

“Officer, if you don’t mind, can I request a favour?”

“I can’t— “

“Just some bottles of water,” Supervillain asked, voice low and kind and a little pleading. “I can go without food, it’s just— “

Jack softened and nodded, taking the tray from Supervillain’s hands. “I’ll bring some more back to you at Dinnertime?”

“Thank you, Officer,” he said, his smile genuine.

Jack waved at the camera and the room filled with the sound of buzzing, the door opening slowly for Jack to leave through. He waited until it was closed, a voice in his mind locking down his nerves and muscles and rooting him in place. Just to make sure the door closed properly, and sealed.

The light of the lock flashed from green to red, and Jack could move again. He was fine. Supervillain was secure. He made his way back to the kitchens to talk to chef and make sure Supervillain doesn’t go without food.

To get to the kitchens, Jack had to pass by the moderate security prison for powered individuals. They were far rowdier and more boisterous than Supervillain.

“What’s this? Jack, you get demoted to kitchen duty?” Other Villain jeered. Jack ignored them and kept walking.

*~*~*~*~*

Jack was off for two days after that, and all they could think about was Supervillain. If he was fed, if he was starving, if someone remembered to top up his bottles of water.

It was driving them crazy. He should be relaxing but no, here they were, forgetting his grocery list as they stared at the multipack bottles of water in the supermarket and all they could think about was fucking Supervillain.

He needed to figure out a better way to make sure Supervillain had his basic needs attended to before he could actually relax on a day off.

Jack shook his head and went back to his shopping list and tried to push thoughts of Supervillain from his mind.

*~*~*~*~*

“Was Supervillain fed?”

It was the first question Jack asked when they walked out of the locker room. Rufus was on with them today and didn’t move or do anything to acknowledge Jack’s question.

“Rufus.”

Silence.

Jack rolled his eyes and walked up to the reception desk, slamming his hands down on it. Rufus looked up, a horribly smug smile on his face that made them look like a goblin.

“Oh, hi Jack. How were your days off?”

“Great. Was supervillain fed?”

“Hmm, Supervillain… Supervillain… nope,” Rufus said, popping the P. “Doesn’t ring a bell Rooks. Are they a new admission?”

“You’re such a dick, Rufus,” Jack all but growled, walking behind the desk and scanning his key card to maximum security. The door buzzed and Jack slammed it open, half jogging to the kitchens to talk to Chef.

“Hi Chef,” Jack said a bit breathless. He must have looked a sight.

Chef turned and smiled a wide smile at Jack. “Ah! Jack. Thank God. I have the voodoo man’s breakfast prepared for you.”

Jack followed Chef’s hand to the tray set aside away from the rest. Jack walked over and picked it up, thanking Chef.

“Did Supervillain get food when I wasn’t in, Chef?” Jack asked, turning back to face them.

Chef nodded proudly. “Yes Jack. I recruited Rufus and Alastair to feed him when you are gone.”

Jack blinked. “And they did?”

“Yes Jack. Or they ate the tray and returned it. Either way, I am happy.”

Jack’s hands tightened on the tray creaking the flimsy plastic slightly. Jack nodded and said nothing, he didn’t trust his voice to speak so he left with Chef’s comment hanging in the air.

A seed of worry planted itself into Jack’s stomach lining and ricocheted out into a ball of anxiety at what he might find at Supervillain’s cell. If he’d be alive or not. Two days without water, Supervillain could survive that right?

The anxiety didn’t leave Jack, in fact it got worse the closer they got closer to Supervillain’s cell up to the very point that he was buzzed through and opened the door to Supervillain’s cell.

He barely registered the door locking with a buzz as he half jogged over to the bars of Supervillain’s cell. Jack’s eyes went to the lump in the bed under covers and rapped on the bars with the tray.

“Hey, Supervillain. It’s breakfast,” Jack announced, his mind reeling with the same mantra: please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.

“Supervillain?!” Jack asked, voice rising in pitch. The lump stirred in bed and Jack felt the anxiety flood out of him, his shoulders sagging in relief.

He was still alive.

“Off— “Supervillain said with a dry throat, cutting himself off with a raspy cough.

“I have water,” Jack said quickly. Too quickly, too eager, why did Jack even care? Because someone had to so Supervillain doesn’t sue them, a pragmatic voice told Jack and he nodded.

It had to be that.

 Totally.

Supervillain moved slow, languid. Each movement an effort. Jack frowned. Surely, he wasn’t that famished from hunger?

It was when Supervillain turned to face Jack that drew his expression into a horrified one and stepped back. Supervillain was bloody and bruised, but these weren’t the old bruises. They were fresh, new. The bandage that Doctor used to set the swelling on Supervillain’s nose was covered in blood, re-broken. The stitches from the cut through Supervillain’s eyebrow was reopened, dark blood crusting over it and his lips were bruised and darkened by blood.

“What— “Jack began but shook his head. “Who did this?!”

Supervillain managed a smile, cracking some of the dried blood from his lips and stood from the bed. The moment he placed weight on his leg Supervillain collapsed, coughing and sputtering dryly, barely catching himself before his head hit the hard floor of the cell.

Jack put the tray on the ground and opened the doors to the cell before sense told him otherwise and ran to Supervillain’s side with a bottle of water. He put a useless hand on Supervillain’s back and Supervillain flinched.

The scariest, biggest, baddest Villain of all time flinched from Jack’s touch.

Jack took his hands off Supervillain as if it burned and sat back, giving Supervillain some space. Jack looked on helpless, worrying his bottom lip and said: “I have water. I need you to sit up, if you can. I won’t touch you, but you need to help me here.”

Jack needed Supervillain to work with him so they could see the extent of the damage. Supervillain composed themselves, sucking in a sharp breath with an arm wrapped protectively around his ribs they sat up, pressing his back against his bed frame.

Up close everything looked worse; his bruises looked angrier, his blood looked black, and his face was far too pale to be okay.

Jack opened the lid of the water bottle and handed it over to Supervillain who took it with a wince of a smile and drank greedily from it. They were drinking so fast that some of the water ran down the corners of his mouth and Supervillain yanked the bottle away with a sharp hiss as the water hit some of the cuts on his mouth.

Jack leaned forward but Supervillain’s eyes shot to him, wild, wounded and angry and Jack stopped, pausing uselessly.

“Sorry— “Supervillain offered; his voice had a little more volume to it now. He sounded like an off-brand Supervillain instead of the real, terrifying one. Jack shook his head and got to his feet.

“It’s okay. I have food for you too.”

Jack felt Supervillain’s grey eyes follow his every movement and when he turned back to face him, Supervillain had a wry smile at the open door to his cell.

“No fear of me escaping like this, is there?” he asked with a dark chuckle.

Jack placed the tray down beside Supervillain and back up a few steps, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the wall.

“Who did this to you? Was it Rufus?”

Supervillain shrugged weakly and winced again. “How do you know it was a Rufus?”

“They’re the only ones with keys to your cell,” Jack spat. Supervillain hummed, picking at the food on his tray and then pushing it away.

“Maybe I did it to myself,” Supervillain mused taking another sip of water, being careful to drink slower this time.

Jack rolled his eyes and said, “if you want me to believe you just got up and beat yourself bl— “

Supervillain’s eyes cut Jack off. “I didn’t say anything about beating myself up, Officer. Just that maybe as a result of my actions this is what karma has in store for me.”

Jack’s frown deepened at Supervillain’s reply, brows furrowing.

“You— you can’t seriously think that!”

“And if I do?” Supervillain asked, voice more like velvet again. He tilted his head at Jack’s expression, grey eyes smiling smug. “Just because I am a villain, Officer, does not mean I don’t understand consequence. In fact, as a villain, I think I understand it more than the average civilian.”

“You’re not in a prison to be beaten by the people who are meant to ensure you serve your sentence, Supervillain.”

Supervillain pursed his busted lips. “Maybe not. Or maybe, I’m in a prison to serve my time and repent my sins. I’m in here for justice’s sake. Perhaps justice means different things to different people.”

“Maybe,” Jack replied hotly, stepping forward and dropping to a crouch, looking Supervillain in the eye, hands bawled into fists at his sides, “but standards of practice don’t, so tell me who did this to you so I can bring them to justice. Please?”

Supervillain smirked and sat back against the bed frame staring up at Jack with smiling eyes and replied: “Officer, I did it to myself.”

Jack shook his head with a huff and stood, walking towards the cell door again and locking it. Looking back through the bars, Jack said: “Try and eat some more, I’ll get the doctor to come and check you out. Hopefully clean the cuts at the very least.”

“Thank you, Officer,” Supervillain said politely, and it felt like a punch to the gut.

*~*~*~*~*

After the Doctor saw Supervillain, Jack returned to reception, fury winding every nerve tight and hot. They moved faster, anger spurring him on more than energy. Once he swiped his card to reception, he threw the door open and stalked out, eyes zeroing in on Rufus’s back and strutting towards Rufus, looming over him.

Jack grabbed the back of the chair and swung it around.

“Oi!” Rufus exclaimed in surprise, but his mouth shut when he saw the look on Jack's face and an ugly smile spread across Rufus's face. “Jack! You've been gone so long, tell me, how is Supervillain doing?”

Jack didn't think.

He reached forward and grabbed Rufus by the collar of his shirt with both hands and dragged him from the chair. The wide-eyed surprise was enough of a gift, but it didn't satisfy Jack's anger. He didn't want Rufus to be surprised; he wanted him to be scared.

Jack pivoted on his foot and brought Rufus with him, slamming the weasel back against the support beam of the door. Rufus let out a harsh oomph and gasped when Jack twisted his wrists, turning his knuckles in on Rufus's collarbone and pressing down hard.

“You want to fucking ask me that again you piece of shit?”

“Who are you to do this to me!” Rufus screeched, indignant. Jack just yanked Rufus back and threw him back against the wall with ease. Rufus gasped out again and wrapped his hands around Jack's wrists trying to remove them but failing. “I AM YOUR SUPERIOR!”

“You're a fucking idiot, Rufus. You attacked Supervillain in his cell. Admit it.”

“I only admit to doing what any rational person would do to a scumbag like him.”

“You are fucking psychopath! He isn't a threat in here! You abused your position of power by assaulting him.”

Rufus's eyes turned murderous. “And he didn't abuse his power when he was terrorising people in the streets, did he? When he was attacking businesses, people's livelihood? How many people died because he could abuse his power?”

“You should know better.”

“No, Jack. You should know better. Do you really think the rules apply to him? If he's willing to break them, he should be willing to have rules broken for him.”

Jack pinched his lips together at that, the logic was there, and Rufus was angry and Jack should just drop it. He sighed, grip loosening but not letting go completely. “You're not the law.”

“Either are you, hotshot. You glib know-it-all bastard. You just think you're so smart, don't ya? Well,” Rufus said, screwing his nose up in disgust and pressing forward against Jack's knuckles harder. Jack breath came out faster, heart beating harder, lips curled back. “I know you're just another bastard kid from the Daeds whose father probably abandoned him when he saw you in the crib after he left you and your whore mo-”

Rufus didn't get to finish because Jack had shot a swift uppercut to his nose.

“YOU FUCKING BRAT!” Rufus wailed, stumbling to the side and holding his nose as blood gushed from it. “YOU BROKE MY NOSE!”

“What's all the--” Alastair said, coming out from the break room along with the sentinels who had drawn his guns at the pair. Alastair's eyes went wide, taking in the scene within a second and was already moving towards them, telling the sentinels to “stand down. I got this.”

The sentinels obeyed with a heavy shuffle, returning to his eased position guns no longer pointing at Jack and Rufus. He left his sandwich on the counter and Rufus saw him and cried, “Alastair thank god! Jack's out of control! The little bastard-”

Jack didn't think. They just moved. His fist was caught before it could make contact and they almost growled his displeasure.

“Call me a bastard again you fucking coward!” Jack yelled as Alastair bent Jack's wrist behind his back and slammed his front against the wall. Jack struggled, head butting back trying to get Alastair off them, but Alastair was twice as big and twice as strong as Jack. He just placed a hand on the back of Jack's neck and held them still. “Get off me!”

Instead, Alastair turned to Rufus and said: “go get cleaned up. I'll deal with him.”

“Be careful,” Rufus sneered, “Jack's gone feral.”

Jack struggled more in Alastair's grip until his wrist was pushed further up his back and Jack hissed in pain through gritted teeth.

“Go to Doctor,” Alastair ordered, “and don't say another word or I'll let Jack break something else.”

Jack struggled futilely in Alastair's hold, trying with all his might to push back but Alastair had him effectively restrained so he had to wait for Alastair's orders.

“Ssh, kid,” Alastair said, voice gentle as he rubbed a thumb over the back of Jack's neck. Jack's struggles ceased, a warm wave of calm overcoming him. “Deep breaths, come on now. It's okay.”

Jack took deep breaths, in slowly, feeling his ribcage expanding against the cool wall and exhaling again. “You're okay. Relax, that's it.”

It took another three long deep breaths before Alastair said, “okay. I'm gonna let you go now, and you're going to tell me what happened okay?”

Jack nodded, even though it was hard to do with his cheek smashed against the wall but still somehow, he managed. Alastair released him then. The moment his contact ended Jack felt that warm calm that overtook them rinse away like cold rain and they turned wearily, rubbing his wrist which was already bruising and looked up hesitant at Alastair.

Alastair turned and walked to the countertop, grabbing his half-eaten sandwich and nodded for Jack to sit in the chair. Half fearing Alastair wrestling him into the chair, Jack sat obligingly and stared past Alastair like a bold child about to be scolded.

“What happened?”

“I went to see Supervillain today and he was beaten within an inch of his life.”

Alastair blinked and took a bite of his sandwich. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jack asked, incredulous. “I just told you that a prisoner was beaten up under our watch.”

“And you assumed it was Rufus?”

“Who else would it be?” Jack hissed.

“Me,” said Alastair flatly and Jack sat back in his seat, shock forming an uncomfortable lump in his throat. “Doctor. Chef. Nurse. Fuck, one of the many cleaners?”

“They don't have keys to his cell.”

“Okay. So maybe one of them came to Rufus and asked for them. Maybe it was innocent, maybe it was nefarious, and Rufus knew what they planned, but that doesn't make Rufus responsible.”

“It's his responsibility to-”

“To step in the way of people's vengeance?”

“That's not-”

“Fair?” Alastair asked, raising his brows into arches. “Listen kid, I'm gonna tell you some truths about your new best friend, Supervillain, okay?”

“He's not-”

“Shut up, don't speak and just listen,” Alastair ordered and Jack's lips closed at the command. “Your pal that got ruffed up in his cell has murdered people, Jack. That's something you should remind your righteous moral compass when you're exercising judgement on his behalf. He has killed many, many people. Doctor's husband and daughter was two of them when he collapsed the train lines on seventh.”

That fact hit Jack like a stab in the gut. “She...” Jack said and then swallowed. “Doctor never told me.”

“Why would she?”

“But Doctor's fixed-” Jack began, but the fire burning in Alastair's eyes shut them up again.

“Yeah. Doctor does her job. Chef still cooks him dinner even though his brother and nephew were killed in the central bridge crash because of fucking Supervillain. George, the cleaner for us, his sick mother was in Westfront hospital when Supervillain gave Superhero that impossible ultimatum between the elementary school and the hospital, so don't come in here, acting like a righteous prick and being Supervillain's number one fan when you have no skin in the game.”

Jack was uncharacteristically quiet. The silence was deafening. Jack swallowed, eyes down and the guilt started weighing heavy on his chest.

After a few minutes of a terse silence, Jack looked up to apologise and noticed the bruises on Alastair's knuckles. His eyes stopped and stared. It felt like his stomach ran right off a cliff and was in freefall to the choppy, unknown waters below because Alastair would never…

It did not go unnoticed.

Alastair looked down with a fond kind of smile as he ran a thumb over the broken and bloodied skin that was fresh, only just scabbing over.

“My sister-in-law was in Westfront hospital in labour, about to give birth to my nephew. I was about to be an uncle. My brother was about to be a father. He lost everything in the incident. It ruined him, he blamed himself. She told him to go home and get a shower and sleep, and then she was dead. A week later he took his own life.”

A tear ran down Alastair's cheek and trailed down his strong jaw like a gentle trickle. It looked so foreign on his face, his usually happy-go-lucky charming face and smile.

“So don't you blame Rufus and go guns blazing giving him credit for my work again, Jack. Ya understand me?”

Jack felt the threat in his words.

Jack swallowed and nodded and said, “yeah. I understand.”

“Good. Then we won’t have any more problems here will we?”

Jack let his displeasure show through his petulant gaze, cocking an eyebrow at Alastair. “Depends. Will you beat up Supervillain in his cell again?”

“If the mood takes me, yeah.”

Jack sucked in a breath and set his jaw, looking to the doors of the Maximum security murderously. A strong hand reached forward and grabbed the head rest of the chair and turned it until Jack was facing Alastair again. Except it wasn’t the same Alastair that he knew. This one was strange, something uncanny and off glinting in the corner of his expression.

“I’m sorry it’s not the answer you want, kid, but it’s the truth. I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m still very fond of you and your integrity. I’m just trying to paint the picture for ya,” Alastair said leaning down, forcing Jack to sit back into the seat until his back was flush with the cushion and head rest. He was trapped under Alastair’s arm and body, and all he could do was glower up at Alastair’s charming smiling face that had an edge to it. “If you stand by Supervillain in here, you stand on your own.”

Jack pursed his lips swallowing a witty retort.

“Understand?”

“Understood.”

*~*~*~*~*

@annablogsposts sorry this took so long, I had to split it up into parts to get it out this week, I hope you enjoy!

[atoneofconscious]

I’m rewatching The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals and there’s something that we aren’t talking about after Not Your Seed.

Paul throws the gun and faces fully towards Bill, trying to talk him back.

The aliens go to pick up the gun.

Bill is facing all three of them.

I really think Bill could see them pick the shotgun up. He knows that what used to be his daughter is aiming the gun directly at him.

He let her shoot him.

Because there was no way Paul could have talked him down. There was no way he could walk away from his life after that.

Bill got what he wanted in the end.

He couldn’t go on. He probably thought he deserved it. To die by Alice’s hand because he wasn’t there to hold her’s as she died.

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Amy Pond canon-compliant character study (I will rip your heart out just like I did mine)

You are Amy Pond and your best friend is a man who tumbled into your life when you were a child and turned you into the town’s Cassandra, doomed to never be believed, doomed to believe without salvation, and yet your faith in has never wavered, because what would you be without him? You don't remember existing in a world without your god.

You are Amy Pond and you are kind and you have faith until that faith is forcefully broken to save your life. You become Lucy Pevensie, cast out of your kingdom by the only god you have ever believed in, so you choose to build your own kingdom, to make a life out of the wreckage that he left behind.

But that is not enough. It will never be enough. You are not allowed to leave this story. You are not allowed to grow up in a way that matters, because every time you try to choose, every time that you try to build a life of your own, you are dragged back into this story.

You are Amy Pond and this is a horror story, a tragedy, because you were never allowed to make a choice unless that choice is to die. You are not allowed to choose unless it is to kill yourself. You die on Appalappachia. You die in Manhattan. Any time you get to make a decision, death is there, hand outstretched, ready to walk you off the stage.

You are Amy Pond and you are a ghost haunting other people's stories.

You are Amy Pond and you died before you were born.

You are Amy Pond and you are kind even though the world was never kind to you and maybe, just maybe, this would have been a kinder story if you hadn't believed. If you hadn't held faith. If you had let the memory of your imaginary friend slide away.

The world might have ended earlier. The universe might have been worse off. But would you have? Would you have been happier?

The answer doesn't matter in the end. It never did.

Because there's nothing you can do. No other way this story ends.

You are Amy Pond and you do not get to leave. You do not get to change your story. 

You are Amy Pond and you are Amelia Williams and you are Amelia Pond and your story ends as it began: with a girl sitting in a garden, waiting for a man to pick you up and take you to your death.

(Amy Pond and being trapped within the narrative: aka, the question of narrative framing and the consequences of faith.)

Full version of the poem(? Character study?) here:

@twelvesbian @tenmartha @variousqueerthings @spoofymcgee

(Tagging people whose analysises inspired this)

[irondadfics]

Hello, I was wondering if you can find a fic where Tony and Pepper rented a cabin for Christmas I think. They bring Harley and Peter with them and it end it up haunted. It started to affect Peter like he was getting bruises or scratches out of nowhere. Somebody hung themselves in the attic a long time ago but they didn’t know until they researched about it. Sorry if it isn’t specific enough! Always love your guys work!! Thank you

could this be the one?

no one dared disturb the sound of silence by ironmanisalive

The Stark family is on vacation in Vermont when Peter starts getting mysterious bruises and seeing things throughout the house. Will they get out in time? This is a standalone fic in this AU, you don't need to read the rest of the series. But you should anyway!

[esthara]

Remember in the Greek saga God of War games where Kratos tried to kill himself? Jumped off a cliff and stabbed himself but still survived both.

Now let's look at GoW 4 and Ragnarok, where he is prophesied to die. Prepares his son to survive when he's no longer with him. Says: "Death can have me when it earns me." Then, at the doors of Ragnarok, proceeds to tell Atreus a story about a man who thought he was ready for death but turns out he wasn't.

The fact that Kratos found a new reason to keep living in his son. To protect him and the friends he made rather than seek out vengace after he lost everything.

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

This Choice Is His

Summary: Augusnippets 2024 Day 30. Set in a Modern AU, Sci-fi AU. Mind Full AU. With Astrid safe, Hiccup decides that enough is enough.

Warnings: Suicide Attempt

Rating: Mature

Dead Dove: Yes

Words: 462

Prompts: Self-harm, Overdose

Fandom: How to train Your Dragon

Characters: Hiccup

Pairing: /

Author's Notes: Hiccup finally decides that enough is enough.

Enjoy!

-XOXOX-

Toothless, Meatlug, Hookfang, Stormfly, Barf and Belch they’ve all been confined to their individual dens, the containment chambers they were in, in the very beginning. They are being punished, though not as severely as Hiccup, who finds himself in a cell down in the basement.

He hasn’t eaten, his mother refuses to see him, the Wingmaidens try to ignore him. He betrayed them all by helping Astrid escape, who couldn’t provide them anything useful so long as she was that injured. He’s left completely alone. Whatever power those implants in his brain gives them, his skull-splitting migraines have grown to the point of total numbness and no one has come to help him.

And unlike that incident when he tried to take care of it himself, stitches far from healed, skull not mended, he can’t dig them out himself this time.

But not all is lost as the door handle moves downwards, it opens and Sharpshot appears.

“Hey lil’ Bud,” Hiccup looks at him, trembling, sweating, curled up on the mattress-less metal cot. Sharpshot chirps at him and easily walks through the bars with a box in his mouth.

Hiccup sits up and almost blacks out. The world spins, for a second he does fall limp. Sharpshot watches him quietly, he can feel the pain on his end of the connection. All his dragons can feel it.

That’s why he brought him the box. They’re painkillers that he snuck out, Hiccup asked for them.

Holding onto the cot with all his might to avoid falling, he accepts them and with effortful smile that looks awkward pets the Terrible Terror on the head. He opens it up, a tired frown on his face. It’s a full, previously unopened box. Luckily, he has a bottle of water on the floor next to him, can’t let your million bucks worth of a science experiment die of thirst, after all.

But he didn’t necessarily want it to treat his migraine.

He can’t ever fight her, not when Valka can literally make it so he doesn’t breathe. Who knows what other bodily function she can just stop. There’s nowhere he can go that the microchip in his back can’t lead her straight to. He’s trapped and he’s tired. Of his mother, of missing his father, of the unending pain, of not belonging to himself, of bearing this weight of a righteous mission he never got to agree to.

He’s so tired and he wants it all to end. He and Toothless murdered a man and that was the final straw. All he needed was to make sure Astrid got out and she did. She and Minden haven’t shown back up here or the dragons would’ve told him.

So he can rest easy now, knowing no one will ever be hurt by him again. He pushes the first of many pills out.

[amberjazmyn]

talk me down💔

pairing : charles leclerc x leclerc fem!reader & arthur leclerc x leclerc fem!reader

summary : anastasia leclerc has to be talked down from committing suicide after she struggles to come to terms with the death of their dad, herve. the person that talks her down is none other than her older brother, charles leclerc.

warnings : description and action of a suicide attempt, crying, yelling, swearing, older brother!charles, stopping someone from killing themself, mention of terminal illness, mention of herve leclerc's death

a/n : i do apologise that yet again it's a depressing one and one that's being recycled but ya girl is truly struggling and i just really want to get something out so here we go!

i'm too tried to go to bed, i'm too wired for anything except the crossfire in my head  

the entire leclerc family knew that something wasn't right with their youngest daughter and sister, anastasia. and they knew exactly what had caused it as well, they just didn't realise how bad it had actually gotten. it had only been a couple of months since the patriarch of the leclerc family, herve leclerc, had passed away due to a cancer battle that he had battled through for years. and anastasia had no idea how to handle it. after the funeral, anastasia felt as though she was running on autopilot.  she was way too tired to go to bed, too wired for anything except for the constant gunfire that went through her head every single second of every single day. all she wanted was to have her papa come home. this sudden loss had thrown her family dynamics so off-wack that she had no idea how anyone in her house was able to wake up every single morning and just continue as if nothing had happened. especially when it was considered that charles had the f2 feature race days later and yet still managed to win the race. and, one day, her brother noticed how far down his younger sister had fallen and tried to help her. 

"...anastasia, ça va bébé?" charles, anastasia's older brother's voice rang out from behind the brunette girl anastasia, are you okay babe? turning around, anastasia simply blinked at her brother, "hmm, désolé char, qu'as-tu dit?" for the first time basically since the funeral and his f2 feature race, the brother and sister actually looked at each other for more than a second or two, making proper eye contact with one another hmm, sorry char, what did you say? it wasn't until this moment when charles finally took a good proper look at his sister since it happened and his f2 feature face that the state of his sister was the same state of grief as him. charles wasn't the only one crying a lot. and it was this moment that anastasia also noticed that it wasn't just her that was crying every single day when she also took notice at her brother for more than a second. the both of them had been crying every day and not once did either of them realise it. and they didn't realise it because they never thought of the possibility of the other sibling even having the same understanding of the other sibling's pain and feelings. because charles and anastasia had completely different relationships with their beloved papa. as did the two other brothers, lorenzo and arthur. after some silence, charles spoke up again, "i was asking you if you were okay, ana. tu voles en pilote automatique depuis un petit moment et je me demandais si tu avais besoin de parler à quelqu'un," charles questioned which shocked the girl you've been flying on autopilot for a little bit and i was wondering if you needed someone to talk to not that charles was a crappy brother to his sister, usually he was just never this available to spend all the time in the world that he wished to with his family. and it was because he'd usually be going from country to country for formula two and in the upcoming months, formula one. but because of their family's beveravement, charles had been given permission, if he so chose to use it, to spend some time at home with his family. and after winning the feature race for f2, he decided to take some time away and spend it with his family. "that...that would be really nice actually, thanks charles," anastasia whispered, french seeming way too complicated for the girl to continue with as charles breathed out a sigh of relief  so, charles took his younger sister aside and they had a conversation. it involved tears, some laughter and every single memory the brother and sister could remember they had with their papa. 

"...anastasia, do you remember the time that papa tried to teach you how to drive the go-kart but couldn't get the kart's engine started to the point he picked it up and threw it because he got so mad?" charles giggled as anastasia nodded her head as she too started to laugh "oh...yeah, i remember that quite clearly. didn't maman get super mad at papa for it because he broke the kart and made you cry because of it?" anastasia giggled as she fiddled with the rings on her fingers

"haha, he actually didn't break it, mon ange. he did make me cry though because it was getting very loud because maman did get super mad at him for it though," charles chuckled, scratching an itch on his cheek as anastasia nodded her head, the memory slightly starting to come back

"ahh, okay, that makes sense. do you remember the time that papa freaked out when he realised he thought he had lost thuthur in the city square that he called the police and filed a missing person's report?" anastasia chuckled as charles' head flew back as he laughed as well, his head shaking

"umm, no? when did this happen?" charles chuckled as he looked shocked, how was he not told this story?

"oh, that's unfortunate because it was bloody hilarious! it must have been during a race day that was outside europe then since it was only like a couple of years ago. literally, papa had taken thuthur and i out for a nice little family day out whilst maman was working and enzo was with friends i think. and it was like in a span of three minutes that papa, myself and thuthur were walking all together and then when papa had called out for thuthur for what he wanted to eat, he didn't get a response back. and because he didn't get a response back, he freaked out and turned around to find that thuthur had just disappeared. i have to admit, it was quite frightening at the time because it was as though he had just vanished into thin air. of course, papa had made the two of us stop everything we were doing, which was what we wanted for lunch, to then begin searching the city square for thuthur. it was the second papa called for the police to file a missing person's report that i had found him...he had gotten distracted and walked into the lolly store that was out of the way near the cafe so of course, papa didn't see it. but yeah, that was the moment we thought we had lost thuthur," anastasia's chuckles faded as charles rolled his eyes with a smile on his face after some giggles, that was something that was very typical of their father

"wow, i cannot believe i missed that! i would have loved to have seen that," charles chuckled as anastasia nodded her head in agreement and she quickly looked out of her bedroom windows to notice that it had gotten quite late in the night 

charles had also noticed how late it had gotten. he slowly got up from his spot on his sister's bed and decided it was time to let his sister try to get some sleep and for him to get some as well. 

"it's getting late and it's been a long night. bonsoir anastasia, j'ai vraiment apprécié cette conversation et j'espère que vous aussi. je t'aime bébé," charles whispered, giving a quick kiss to his sister who smiled softly back goodnight anastasia, i really appreciated this chat and i hope you did too. i love you babe

"goodnight charles, i appreciated this chat as well, it was really well-needed.je t'aime aussi, charlie," anastasia whispered back, accepting the kiss from her brother before she waved him out of her room and closed the door behind him i love you too, charlie

then, finally, she released the breath she had been keeping inside of her for what felt like an eternity. 

it's been a long night, cause i took all i can take, 'til the walls shook and the windows break. it seemed as though charles' conversation with his sister anastasia worked. it seemed as though she was really engaged in the conversation of remembering their father and all the fun times they had. however, it had truly been a long night for anastasia, taking all she could until the walls in her head shook and the windows broke. charles left his sister alone, retreating back to his childhood room, thinking he had possibly saved her, yet, he didn't think to check again after that night and he fell asleep. sure, he had a tight feeling in his chest but, he'd had that feeling since the day their papa died so by this point, charles was used to that pain. managing to get up and get on with it every passing day because, if he didn't do that, he would never be able to do it again. and he didn't want that. he had to be strong since he was the second eldest of enzo, himself, anastasia and arthur. he had to be the example for his younger sister and younger brother and also be brave and take care of their mother who had lost the love of her life. 

anastasia really wasn't coping well at all. i mean, who could blame the young girl, she had truly thought that her papa was invincible, i mean, what young child doesn't? she thought her papa was recovering better and that his cancer treatment was working. why didn't it work? why didn't that treatment keep her dad alive? it was supposed to keep him alive so why didn't it? 

anastasia was suddenly conflicted with emotions and started to become mad. woah. that's scary, she wasn't one to get mad nor was she one to run down the stairs to the beer fridge. grabbing her phone from the table with a beer in her hand, her hand hovered over one specific person in her phone contacts.  i want to phone you but it's far too late, it's been a long night

her finger was hovering over her papa's contact, wanting to phone him but she couldn't. she knew she couldn't. she had waited too late. anastasia wasn't at the monaco hospital when her papa passed away peacefully in the arms of his wife, pascale, their mother. the reason why anastasia wasn't at the hospital was that she wasn't even in monaco, let alone monte-carlo. she was in hawaii for college and got the unfortunate call that their father had died a few hours later. 

why didn't anastasia call him that very same day? she would have had the chance to hear her papa's voice one last time. she would have had the chance to say that she loved her papa one last time. she would have had the chance to say all that she wanted to say before she got the call from charles that changed the course of the rest of her life as she knew it. the news that caused anastasia's and the family's world to be halted to the roughest stop ever.  cha-cha

"anastasia leclerc, décroche ce putain de téléphone, je le jure devant dieu…" anastasia leclerc, pick up the fucking phone i swear to god

"...charlie? pourquoi diable tu m'appelles ? je suis en classe à l'université en ce moment!" charlie? why in the living fuck are you calling me? i'm in class at college right now

"tu… tu ne sais pas, alors, n'est-ce pas?" you...you don't know then do you?

"tu sais quoi, charlie ? qu'est-ce qui ne va pas? est-ce que papa va bien?" know what, charlie? what's wrong? is dad okay?

"alors…donc tu n'as vraiment aucune idée de ce qui s'est passé, ana?" so...so you really have no idea what's happened then, ana?

"charles marc hervé perceval leclerc, qu'est-ce qui se passe ? arthur est paniqué et essaie de me joindre, maman et enzo ont aussi essayé mais évidemment je n'ai pas répondu parce que je suis en classe. mais clairement, ce n'est pas quelque chose de bon, alors que s'est-il passé?" charles marc herve perceval leclerc, what the fuck is going on? arthur's in a panic trying to get a hold of me, mum and enzo also tried but obviously i didn't respond because i'm in class. but clearly it isn't something good so, what's happened?

"papa est parti, anastasia…" dad's gone, anastasia

"il est parti? que veux-tu dire par parti, charles ? a-t-il aimé s'enfuir? il ne peut pas courir, il est…" he's gone? what do you mean about gone, charles? has he like, run away? he can't run he's--

"--non, pas comme ça! anastasia, papa est mort…" no, not like that! anastasia, dad's dead

"papa…papa est mort? charlie, tu dois plaisanter? je ne suis littéralement même pas à la maison et il est juste mort? pourquoi ne m'a-t-il pas appelé ? pourquoi je ne l'ai pas appelé? comment? je…je ne peux pas quitter l'école, Charlie!" dad...dad's dead? charlie, you have to be joking? i'm literally not even home and he's just dead? why didn't he ring me? why didn't i ring him? how? i...i can't just leave school, charlie!

"je sais que ce n'est pas idéal, ana mais oui, tu peux quitter l'école. enzo a atterri il y a quelques heures et est maintenant en route. l'école a déjà été prévenue, quelques instants avant que je t'appelle." i know it's not ideal, ana but yes, you can leave school. enzo landed hours ago and is now on his way. the school has been told already, just moments before i called you

"mais attends, où es-tu alors charlie? est-ce qu'enzo sait au moins où se trouve mon dortoir spécifique?" but wait, where are you then charlie? does enzo even know where my specific dorm is?

"je suis avec maman à la maison, nous passons tous les appels téléphoniques et tout le reste. et oui, enzo connaît petit, il est plutôt confiant et il prendra le meilleur soin de toi, bien sûr qu'il le fera, il l'a promis et moi aussi!" i'm with mum back home, we're doing all the phone calls and everything else. and yes, enzo knows little one, he's pretty confident and he'll take the best care of you, of course he will, he promised and so do i!

"je sais qu'enzo prendra soin de moi, charlie. et c'est bien que tu sois à la maison avec maman et arthur mais est-ce qu'ils vont bien? et ça va, charlie?" i know enzo will take care of me, charlie. and that's good that you're home with mum and arthur but are they okay? and are you okay, charlie?

"moi non plus. maman est détruite, mon petit, elle l'a tenu pendant qu'il mourait, arthur est détruit aussi. et honnêtement, je ne sais pas mais je pense que je me sentirai mieux quand toi et enzo serez à la maison" i don't either. mum's destroyed, little one, she held him as he died, arthur's wrecked as well. and quite honestly, i don't know but i think i'll feel better when you and enzo are home

"ok, je te verrai bientôt alors ? je t'aime charlie, prends soin de maman et thuthur s'il te plaît" okay, i'll see you soon then? i love you charlie, take care of mum and thuthur please

"tu le feras et je t'aime aussi anastasia. et ne t'inquiète pas, je le ferai et toi et enzo prenez soin l'un de l'autre aussi, s'il vous plaît" you will and i love you too anastasia. and don't worry, i will and you and enzo take care of each other too, please

"nous le ferons charlie. je t'aime, au revoir" we will charlie. i love you, bye

"au revoir" bye

however, she didn't care. even after that flashback. at this point, she was raging and she just wanted to see what would happen if she did ring her papa's number. would it still be connected to him? would the number now be someone else's? would that potential person pick up the phone? what would happen if anastasia just, rings her papa's phone number? 

so she did.  papa

"...hey papa, it...it's anastasia. i know this is weird but i--" 

"--i'm-i'm sorry, but who is this?" 

anastasia froze at the strange female voice on the other end of the phone. that wasn't her papa's voice at all, not even her papa's voicemail voice that included her maman's interruption. it was a young girl, she sounded like she was maybe a year or two older than anastasia herself. and the girl sounded like she had a slight southern italian accent throughout her english speech. her beloved papa's number was no longer connected to her papa.  even more frustrated and upset, anastasia screamed out, shockingly not alerting anyone else in her family and threw her phone to the floor after hanging up the stranger's voice on the other end. before she fully left her phone to charge as she walked back up to her bedroom, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a small text from who she assumed was the young girl who had been given her papa's old phone number.  papa

i don't know who this is or what it is you're going through but, if you ever need someone to chat with, about anything, you can talk to me. i was given this new number because my old one got hacked by a crazy ex-boyfriend of mine. we don't even need to exchange names, we can just talk and remain strangers. i do hope you're okay and, i'm sorry that i wasn't your papa on the other end of the phone

so talk me down, talk me down, talk me down, talk me down

shortly after that phone situation, anastasia found her way back to her room and found herself falling asleep even though she would never be able to explain how. she didn't even remember changing into her pyjamas or how she slid herself into her bed. but, the next day she woke up, she had indeed gotten herself out of her clothes from the previous day and got herself into her pyjamas and then into the covers of her bed before falling asleep.  however, it was this day that the straw broke the camel's back and she couldn't deal with feeling this continuous grief all the time, every single day. she hated that she was still alive but her beloved papa wasn't. so, late at night, she decided that she'd drive to a bridge, wearing nothing but a crop top and her fluffy pyjama pants and a pair of socks.  cause we fought an endless war, 'til we forget what we were fighting for, now, we can't stop, but we can withdraw in the long night  the whole family saw what their papa and husband's cancer did to the family. they were always a strong, close-knit family but the strain it put on the family was still apparent. hence why no one seemed to notice that anastasia had gone out into the night to clearly end her life because she thought she couldn't do it without her papa alive.  as tears streamed down the young leclerc's face, the wind blowing through her hair and her face, she just sat on top of the bridge that overlooked the whole of monaco, her legs swinging against the side of the bridge that she sat on. with her phone in her hand, she contemplated ringing the number of the girl that was now connected to her papa's old number. but then, she knew she'd be told to get off the bridge and call for an ambulance. and she didn't want that, anastasia didn't want to be talked down, not really. if anything, she just wanted to have the feeling of being suicidal, to her, feeling this amount of grief was a whole new experience to her. it scared her that she was feeling this way every single day since losing her papa.   suddenly, the funeral for her papa went through her mind. she remembered that day as though it was yesterday.  anastasia sat in the front pew at a cathedral in monaco, her older brother charles on one side of her and their younger brother arthur on the other,lorenzo and pascale, on the other side of charles. she felt like she couldn't breathe, her chest felt heavy and she felt like she needed an escape route. she couldn't stay here. her heart was racing, her entire body was trembling. everyone's eyes and even some cameras outside of the church were on her and the rest of her family. she needed an out but she couldn't find one. 

charles' hand then left hers as he had gone up to the altar to say his eulogy whilst a photo slideshow of herve and his life played in the background. charles had barely started his eulogy when tears started, in a smart move, lorenzo had decided to go up alongside his younger brother to help him. and it truly was a good move because it didn't take long for the second eldest to get emotional and be in need of comfort. and it was at this point that anastasia really couldn't stay in this cathedral any longer. she couldn't deal with seeing her brother so uspet. so, she left, she got up and she left, her hand that was gripping arthur's left his grip and she left. she could tell this would break the hearts of her family, especially her maman's and charles' hearts. but, she just couldn't stomach staying in that goddamn church as she watched people she didn't even know cry and pay their respects to the man she and her brothers had known their whole lives.

it felt like an eternity when people started to filter out of the church and past the leclerc girl. giving her hugs and their condolences, she thanked each of them, some of the drivers that charles drove alongside even attending as they paid their respects as some of the very last people to leave the church. by the time the majority of the people had filtered out, there was only one person left that was obvious to anastasia that she hadn't yet seen leave. it was charles. taking a big breath in, anastasia pushed the church door open, closing it behind her and walked back to the front of the huge and holy place that had just held her papa's funeral where her brother was sitting down. his brown hair looked like a messy birds nest and as though it had been hiding away in someone's shoulder as he cried or as though he hadn't had any energy to properly style it for the funeral service at all.

softly tapping her brother's shoulder, anastasia squished to sit down next to her brother, "isn't maman waiting for you?" anastasia whispered, her voice hoarse from the crying she had spent doing in the foyer of the church privately 

charles cleared his throat, "no, she-uh, she's helping take care of thuthur alongside enzo..." charles trailed off as anastasia nodded her head

"...ahh, okay..." the brother and sister couldn't think of anything else to say since anastasia did get up and leave during charles' eulogy, though she could still hear it and, truthfully, it was the best part of the entire service

but unfortunately though, the moment anastasia did decide to get up and leave, charles managed to compose himself to look up from the floor to look at his younger sister, only to see that the very sister had up and left. anastasia knew that when charles saw that, it would have increased his grief because she had promised him that she'd be right there for him if he needed someone to focus on rather than their more than distraught mother and younger brother arthur. and, when he did look up to take comfort in his sister, she was gone but he could hear her close the door at the end of the middle aisle of the cathedral, where she had exited. 

after a few more beats of silence between the brother and sister, anastasia's shaky right hand slid across to charles' left hand. touching her brother's hand softly, she signalled to her brother that she needed his comfort and grabbed ahold of his hand. charles' heart broke and more tears that he had successfully fought off slipped down his cheeks as he immediately gripped his little sister's hand.

"charlie...i miss papa..." anastasia whimpered as charles tightened his grip on his little sister's hand

"...i miss him too, petit" charles sniffled as he then pulled his sister in for a hug and they both cried

they cried for as long as they needed to before they picked themselves up and walked out of the cathedral together.

so talk me down, talk me down, talk me down, talk me down. 

tears continued to stream down anastasia's face as she stood up on the bridge and looked down to the river and its lower floor embankment below her. she was just itching to slip and fall down. itching to just completely disintegrate and be killed instantly. she even imagined some nights that she did fall and stay asleep, of how her body would look if she did jump off of a bridge or off a hotel roof. or even the roof of her own family home that the family had been staying in since the death of their father. 

it sort of appealed to her, falling off of a building and having her body decapitated and all smashed up and bloody against the floor below. but then, she thought of the people she'd be leaving behind in the same way her papa left everyone behind. even then, she remembered that it wasn't necessarily her father's fault that he had left everyone behind. herve didn't want to die, not that she thought. her papa had no choice, his cancer had taken so much from his life that, he had no more fight left in him anymore. he was even too ill to fly over to watch charles' f2 races. but, anastasia did have a choice. and does her choice to kill herself align with her papa's death not being his choice? it didn't but, anastasia didn't think that logically. she didn't want to think logically. 

so, just as she went to jump off, she slipped and tried to grab the closest thing to her. which, strangely enough, was a broken piece of a community bench. it steadied her and stopped her from falling or anything but, she then had the thought of having a "test throw" before she would throw herself off to see what it would look like. so she did just that, throwing the piece of broken community bench off the bridge, she watched as it hit the side of the second-level embankment before it broke into teeny tiny little pieces as it then splattered into the ever so shallow river waters below. 

her eyes widened in excitement as she watched how the already broken community bench broke even more and into tinier pieces than it was before. she loved how the bench broke as it hit the edge of the embankment and then the shallow waters below that. 

she was moments from jumping and hoping for her body to end up in the same teeny tiny pieces that the community bench had been when all of a sudden, she slipped and just before she blacked out, she heard the one voice that she was hoping she wouldn't hear during her suicide attempt. charles had found her and had called the emergency services for an ambulance to take his little sister to the hospital, worried that she was going to commit suicide. and, wasn't he grateful that he actually didn't completely ignore that god-awful feeling in his chest and actually listened to it? 

the light flashed and i thought i'd died, my life passed before my eyes, it went too fast for the love i feel inside. 

charles had never been more grateful in his life until this moment where he managed getting to that goddamn bridge on time. before his sister had seriously decided to jump off of it. whilst it horrified him when she tripped and fell, hitting her head, he was just grateful he wouldn't have to see her dead and decapitated on the bottom of the bridge's embankment near the river's edge. in which he could then see the even more broken community bench that she had thrown over the edge moments before she went to throw her own self off. anastasia had concussed herself due to the fall and blacked out because when she did trip and fall, she had fallen off the first level of the bridge and onto the embankment hitting her head, cracking it open. she was so very lucky that charles had even called for the ambulance and had gone out to look for her otherwise she wouldn't be in this ambulance on the way to the princess grace hospital and it's high-rish mental health facility since it was clear that she had just attempted to kill herself.

it seemed as though anastasia's life had flashed right before her eyes. in a bright light as she blacked out after she had fallen. it had gone too fast for the love she still felt inside of her body. maybe she actually didn't want to die. maybe she just wanted to feel something. maybe she just wanted to for once, just give in to those thoughts she had been having about actually hurting herself. and she did feel something and it scared her. she never wanted to feel like this again. so, in hindsight, she was going to forever be indebted to charles for realising that she was missing and going out to look for her as well as calling an ambulance for her.  "...come on mon petit ange my little angel, we're nearly at the hospital, it's going to be okay," anastasia could just faintly hear the voice and she smiled, knowing that charles hadn't left her and was in the ambulance with her  holding his sister's hand the same way he did at their papa's funeral, charles only hoped that their papa wouldn't let anastasia stay up there. wherever he was, with him when she was still needed with charles and the rest of the family. anastasia was way too young to be taken away in this way, especially because she was struggling with the loss of their papa. all she needed was help and some clarity. she didn't need to jump off a bridge to see her papa again or to be happy again. she needed to stay alive to be happy. she needed to be talked down. 

so talk me down, talk me down, talk me down, talk me down anastasia couldn't bear to face anyone who decided to show face in her hospital room as she had been put on mental health watch for 72 hours. she was so ashamed that she even attempted to kill herself and only ended up stupidly tripping over and hitting her head. how pathetic was that? she couldn't even kill herself properly. so how on earth could she look in the eyes of the people she loved and cared about and who loved and cared about her? she just simply didn't. that was until charles had come in and gently forced her to talk to him. 

"...anastasia, i know you're not sleeping, mon ange. stop pretending and talk to me," charles spoke up, sitting in the seat that was situated next to his sister's bed not pleased with the fact that she was trying to pretend to be asleep

anastasia groaned, knowing charles wouldn't allow it and, she turned back around to face her brother, "what do we talk about, charlie? what i did is unacceptable and it's unbelievably stupid so, just tell me off for being a fucking idiot and leave me alone, alright?!" the girl slightly raised her voice as charles softly breathed out and shook his head, reaching out for his sister's hand 

"i'm not going to call you a fucking idiot or leave you alone, alright? because that's not my job to tell you that or to leave you when you're this vulnerable! the reason you did what you did was because you didn't know what else to do and, in that moment, that's the thing you thought was the correct thing to do. sure, i'm glad you tripped and got concussed because, it means i didn't have to watch my little sister fall an extra level and either drown herself in the river or watch you bleed to death in that water. but i am upset that it even had to come to this with you in the hospital," charles explained as anastasia's entire face and body relaxed as she made eye contact with her brother, sure, she was sure she looked like hell but, so did charles

"you are? you're actually glad that i'm...still here?" anastasia trailed off as charles looked at his sister as though she had five heads

"now you're being a fucking idiot *tearful laughter* what a stupid question that is, anastasia! of course i'm glad that you're still here! you're my little sister, there is no way that i'd not want you here," charles smiled as anastasia nodded her head, starting to believe her older brother piece by piece 

"i'm glad i'm here as well," anastasia whispered as she scooched closer to her older brother who smiled at her

down, down, down

anastasia felt like she was falling down and wouldn't ever be able to land on solid ground. her mind was a mess and she thought she'd never be able to unravel the mess that was her mind. she was falling, not like the epic falls from buildings like in the movies, she was falling like she was slipping and falling to her death. 

every time she closed her eyes, she'd have the same nightmare every single time. and that was her slipping off the bridge, completely missing the embankment where she actually landed and fell the full three storeys and died as she bled to death on the wet ground of the river below her. and usually in this nightmare, she'd be met with complete darkness, however this time, she was met with a white light that nearly blinded her when she stood up, only to see a figure standing still. 

confused, anastasia stood up and, with her hand covering her face, she moved towards the figure of whom was being almost covered by the light making the figure hard to make out who it was to the young leclerc.

"...hello? who are you?" anastasia questioned worriedly as she moved closer with hesitance to the figure in front of her 

the person then turned around and anastasia nearly fell to the ground. tears welled in her eyes and a smile formed on her face. the person was her father, herve leclerc. and he looked healthy. he didn't look sick at all.

"papa?" anastasia whimpered, the biggest smile on her face as the figure nodded their head, confirming to her that it was indeed her father in front of her 

"oui, anastasia, it's me, your papa," herve responded as anastasia ran over, her hand moving away from her face and in front of her as she opened her arms to hug him 

"papa!" anastasia squealed as she ran to the figure that was surprisingly solid and she could actually hug, it wasn't just a bright light hologram situation 

"hello mon petit ange, what are you doing here? you're too young to be here with me," herve scolded towards the end, a crinkled face in conjunction with his statement as anastasia turned her face to the ground 

"i...i'm sorry papa, i just, i didn't want to survive another day without you in it. i didn't know how to live without you which sounds stupid because maman's doing brilliantly, as are enzo, charlie and thuthur but, i just, i--" cutting off his daughter, herve smiled and shook his head before speaking up 

"--stop anastasia, i'm not mad nor am i disappointed. as charles explained earlier, you were only doing what you thought was the right thing to do. you thought jumping off of that bridge was the smartest idea because that's what you were being told it was. you're grieving, darling girl and it's okay to cry and feel down. but it is okay to ask your family for help. you are so lucky that charles noticed something wasn't right and noticed you had run off and went off to find you and then called the ambulance. and you are just as lucky that even though you did trip and concuss yourself, cutting your head open, you are lucky you survived and didn't fall any further than that second-level embankment. if charles and that ambulance came seconds too late, you may have just tried to get up on your own and then stumbled and fallen again due to your concussion and then, who knows. you may have fallen into that river down below and just imagine what that would have looked like for charles and those paramedics that were just seconds too late... i know i'm so glad that your brother and those paramedics weren't any later than they needed to be because i don't want to see any of my children up here with me until you guys are either my age or older, okay?" herve explained as anastasia nodded her head and realised just how lucky she truly was to have survived her suicide attempt

"okay, you won't see me again after this encounter, i promise!" anastasia joked as herve laughed as he nodded his head 

"that's good because you aren't sick like i was, darling. you are perfectly healthy and you have so much more life to give and to live for. whereas i had lived the majority of my life, i got married to the love of my life and i helped give your mother the best gifts we could have ever created and that was our children," herve smiled, holding his daughter's hand as anastasia nodded her head and smiled 

the father and daughter spent more precious time together before her father's light began to dim, causing anastasia to freak out. 

"papa what...what's going on? your light, it-it's fading!" anastasia squealed as herve chuckled as he took a breath in before speaking up again 

"it means my designated time with you is almost over and i'll be required to go back," herve smiled softly as anastasia tilted her head 

"and i'll have to wake up again?" anastasia muttered as herve nodded his head 

"yes mon petit ange, you'll have to wake up again because there are people that charles' invited in to see you who have been, no pun intended, dying to see you," herve and his daughter chuckled as the girl nodded her head in sadness 

"well, can i just ask you one last question before you leave then, papa?" anastasia questioned as she noticed the light was fading even quicker now as herve nodded his head 

"of course, you can mon ange, ask away," herve smiled as tears welled in his daughter's eyes 

"please keep us all safe? especially charlie and thuthur when they're racing. it's so scary and i don't want them to get hurt. please, watch over them..." anastasia cried as herve smiled sweetly and nodded his head 

"of course, i can mon petit. it's always been my job to make sure you kids were safe. i'm everywhere mi amor, i promise. i love you mon petit but, i have to go now. i'll see you soon..." herve trailed off as he faded away and anastasia wished she had five more minutes but was grateful she even had this opportunity 

"...i love you more, papa..." anastasia trailed off with a smile and tears down her cheeks as she waved off the light that was now gone 

"...anastasia, thuthur, max and pierre have visited, do they have permission to come in?" anastasia smiled as she woke up to see charles in front of her

nodding her head and sitting up in her bed, anastasia was grateful that her papa was correct in who had come in to visit her, "of course they have permission, charlie, it's not like they aren't strangers to me!" anastasia giggled which shocked charles, whatever that dream was that she just woke up from seemed to do something to his sister and it worked 

"okay, i was just asking to make sure," charles laughed as he opened the door to let in arthur, max and pierre

full of excitement, she managed to have enough strength to hold her arms up and hug all three teenagers. whereas the first and second days, since it was finally her last day in hospital before being discharged, she was in too much pain mixed with way too much pain medication making her unable to even hold her arms up properly.

"hello, little leclerc!" pierre cheered as he hugged the girl as anastasia chuckled at his excitement 

"hello, gasly!" anastasia teased as they released out of the hug as she then hugged arthur

arthur smiled and gave his older sister a much less gentle hug before max, similar to pierre, attacked anastasia. laughter then filled the leclerc girl's hospital room as the five just hung out together and just talked about things. 

max then asked the one question that was on everyone's lips, "...anastasia, in all seriousness, how are you feeling?" anastasia smiled with sincerity before responding 

"i'm doing a lot better, max, thanks for asking," anastasia responded with truth as that seemed to really take the lads, all four of them, by surprise 

"seriously?" charles questioned, wanting to make sure his sister wasn't putting an act up in front of their younger brother and best friends as anastasia smiled 

"i'm the most serious i've ever been in my life, charlie, i'm actually doing so much better than i was two days ago," anastasia smiled and it only seemed as though charles couldn't do anything else but believe his sister 

"that's amazing to hear, anastasia. it truly is, you deserve to be happy forever," charles whispered at the end as anastasia nodded her head 

"i know i do, that's why i stayed," anastasia smiled as she reached for her brother's hand, squeezing it when he had grabbed it 

"we're glad you stayed, all of us," arthur then spoke up as anastasia smiled over at her two brothers, pierre and max 

anastasia couldn't find anything else to say since the lads just seemed to take over for the whole time. however, it suddenly became the time that anastasia would be discharged from the hospital and allowed to go back home. so, after getting signed out by herself and charles, since he was the one to take her back home to their family home to the rest of the family, they then left. the other three lads, arthur, max and pierre, leaving an hour beforehand. 

lay your head near mine, tell me that it's all fine, love me while there's still time.  by the time the leclerc siblings returned home, it was so late at night and the only ones awake in the house that, they decided to waddle over to the couch that still had pillows and blankets all strewn over it. which showed that there was some sort of family movie night and situated themselves comfortably before turning on the tv for themselves. 

letting his sister pick the movie herself, charles sighed with contentment as he messaged maman, letting her know that both he and anastasia had returned home safely. when anastasia had finally found the perfect movie for them to watch, she sat down next to charles. 

however, she was worried she had sat way too close. so, she started to slightly move away, thinking he may need space from her. especially when it was considered that he had just spent the last seventy-two hours in the teeny hospital room with her that he may need his own space. however, charles didn't even dare let his sister move that far away from him before he pulled her closer to him.

"...what are you doing, charlie? don't you need some space?" anastasia squealed out, hoping that she didn't just wake up the entire house as charles chuckled 

shaking his head, charles spoke up, "absolutely not anastasia. lay your head near mine, it's been a long night and whilst you're out of the hospital, you still need to rest and i'd rather you fall asleep on me then on the couch," charles explained, patting his shoulder or his lap as the two places for kayeleigh to choose to fall asleep on, knowing that they'd fall asleep doing the movie and not make it upstairs to their rooms in time 

anastasia smiled at her brother as she chose her brother's lap as she then stretched herself out along the couch and snuggled close as the movie started to play in front of her. charles smiled as well as he held his sister close to him, his sister that was alive and was never going to hurt herself ever again. because this time, she knew she could ask for help anytime she felt upset over the death of their papa. knowing that she had more places to turn to rather than running to that bridge, she felt content as the fun, eccentric and colourful movie that would have for sure been a movie that their papa would have made the siblings watch as children played in front of her. 

it's been a long night. 

fin

rewriting this and reworking this for charles was so insane but i am so glad it is finally finished because i legit forgot about it so my bad homies! did not mean to forget about this rewrite but i'm just glad i thought to even go into my drafts and see what was in there because i'm glad to finally have this out. even though it seems like i'm targeting poor charles recently now that i have a new sad charles request come in that i'll start writing soon but, i'm not meaning to! but in saying that, if anyone has a request for the drivers that only have like one or two one-shots, maybe request for them because i legit don't know what to do for them lol! ok bye, i love you and now i gotta go to bed cause i have an early start tomorrow!!

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

[jewish-vents]

I just want that person’s name to stop trending. I keep doomscrolling. Every post about him outside of a small circle of reasonableness is glorifying suicide, promoting an ideology of martyrdom, and it horrifies me.

^^^^

[ask-oliver-the-demonom]

Hey can everyone please tag really dark or posts with mentions of suicide in them and stuff ? It's really hard to avoid it with some of the rp blog stuff. I don't mind that people role play that stuff I just can't always handle seeing it without a warning or anything /ooc /Gen /nm

[sockatoothewafflebird]

part ? of ?

"it's technically your fault. but i don't blame you.

...not anymore, at least."

(she's talking to monika.)