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bard-llama · 4 years ago

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WiP List

This is gonna be looooong (like, REALLY long), so I’mma go ahead and give you a cut here. But if you’re interested in what i’m working on, take a look!

Order purely based on the order my tabs are in. I’m only counting WiPs that actually have more than a paragraph written, because if I didn’t, this list would be even longer. Also, pls don’t judge me but what I name my WiPs 😂

Post-Coital Smoke

Kinda what it sounds like tbh. I just wanted Iorveth getting high and admiring Roche’s body and then Roche decided to be a tease. At some point, I assume there will be sex.

Angst: Sex object Roche

Iorveth’s POV of realizing that Roche hurts himself whenever he flirts at Iorveth. Premise is that Roche has been groomed (intentionally or not) by Foltest to be his. So when he feels attraction towards Iorveth, he needs to be punished. And obviously Iorveth helps him learn that no, that’s not okay and idk recovery???

Midwinter Feast

This idea was 100% spawned by me trying to write holiday fics, but Foltest hosts a Midwinter Feast where they close the city for 12 days, leaving Roche to get along with the Nonhuman/Scoia’tael(ish) delegation during that time. Also, Foltest might be using the feast as a delaying tactic to resupply his army. I legit have no idea where this is going, I just thought the idea of Roche and Iorveth stuck at a feast for 12 days was funny.

Solstice Feast aka To Birth a Verdant Future

This was actually an xmas gift for @lutes-and-dandelions, but I havent finished it yet 😓 But the premise is similar to the former in that it’s another solstice feast. But it’s set post-W3 with Emhyr as Emperor throwing a party in the new conquered capital of Vizima. Roche broods a lot about Foltest’s memory and how he hates Emhyr and decides to distract himself by hanging out with Iorveth and suggesting they follow an old elven tradition. And that’s all I’ll say. XD

Next Year (Solstice Feast sequel)

Literally set the next year. This time they merge their lives by merging their people’s traditions.

Lily Preserved in Amber

Okay, haven’t gotten very far in this, but I decided it was an elven rite of passage to go searching through the forest for a sign of your future. And Iorveth finds a piece of amber with a lily preserved inside. I haven’t decided if it purely means Roche or if it means his whole family with Roche and Boussy and Anais and all. So far, he hasn’t even found the amber yet lmao. But he did just discover music!

Character taking control of the other and Character B just letting go and enjoying themselves

Under the subheading “Porn Snips”, so uh, yeah. Starts with Roche and Iorveth fighting to decide who gets to top, involves Roche getting choked, and Iorveth ripping Roche’s pants off. Oh, also, they’re currently at a fancy party hiding somewhere in the garden lmao

Based on @moonlights-ordinance‘s art

Moonlight’s working on an adorable piece where Roche leans his forehead against Iorveth’s back between his shoulderblades. I decided to make it post-W3 with both of them working as paper pushers/administrators under Emhyr’s Temeria. And Nilfgaard does not believe in chairs with backs (or, really, Emhyr wanted to see how long Roche’s pride would make him suffer. It’s a long time). The idea is to show development over time as they slowly get more comfortable with touch and start using each other as backrests. And then the sweet scene Moonlight is drawing.

Eliza for @useless-empty-brain aka Can’t We All Just Get Oolong?

Next is Iorveth’s POV, but I legit cannot figure out where to start. But we’re gonna see some of his thoughts (like how Eliza volunteered him to stay in Vizima for an unspecified period of time and he said yes even though he can’t and now has to commute regularly because he doesn’t want to miss tea with Roche but also doesn’t want Roche’s spies to catch on lmao) and his curiosity about Roche and Foltest and what Roche’s mission is (which I... totally know.)

Roche’s Scars

@moonlights-ordinance sent me a great pic of a mod for Roche where he had some pretty vicious scarring/mutilation. So of course I decided I needed to tell the story of each one. But really, it’s a story about the stages of acceptance with scars. Both Iorveth and Roche start out hiding theirs, but eventually come to reveal them comfortably in public.

Vernon Roche of the Scoia’tael aka The Value of a Man

Does my title give it away? Oops? So, this is a found family fic where Roche is captured by the Scoia’tael and the elves and dwarves slowly come to see him as - well, I was gonna say human, but as a person, I guess. And start feeling really, really guilty, especially when some not great things happen to Roche.

Oh also, Foltest is a giant dick and uh, SPOILERS he does not try to get Roche back. Which leads to a whole subplot that will end with a found family for EVERYONE, because they all deserve to be happy dammit.

All of that was just one document lmao. I have 24 documents, some of which have quite a few WiPs in them. 😱

Kiss Prompts

24. Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer. AKA How to Fluster an Elf

When I got the idea for How to Fluster an Elf, I decided it was gonna fill the prompt dammit. And then it really, really expanded on me.

33. An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

Roche dreams occasionally that Iorveth visits him and watches over him and sometimes speaks, but he can’t understand Elder Speech, so he assumes it’s all gibberish.

Then he finds out it’s not and suddenly he’s not so certain it’s a dream

16. One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.

Okay, I literally just need to buckle down and write some good kissing. This is set in (Im)Perfect Strangers and Iorveth is pouting about them leaving the gardens, so Roche makes it up to him.

25. Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.

This one won’t actually be published with the kisses ‘cause it’s porn and the rest are T-rated lol. Buuuut Roche and Iorveth are trying to have a secret liaison in the forest when the rain starts. Featuring nature magic, tentacles, and Iorveth getting filled.

Scenes from Another World (aka AU premise)

Old Men in Vergen

Set during Witcher 3, but with an established relationship. Roche comes to visit Iorveth in Vergen to ask for advice on leading an insurgency. Iorveth just wants to feed Roche while he can now that he’s not the one starving in the woods.

Language Aphasia/Deal with the Devil

I wanted to write Gaunter! So I decided that Gaunter is in a mood for some mischief (he calls it being generous) and comes upon a traveling Vernon Roche who wishes that he could be understand Iorveth. Then Iorveth’s Scoia’tael find a passed out Roche in the woods and bring him to Iorveth for judgement. Only somehow, Roche only understands Elder Speech now. He can’t understand Common at all. The Scoia’tael find this very offensive and Iorveth is mostly freaked out that someone who can do THAT was wandering around his forest.

Bunk Beds: The Portrait of Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon

Based on a silly comic, Ciri convinces Iorveth and Roche to try to help her destroy the portrait. Geralt gets pissed and sends them to Bunk Bed Exile. Shenanigans ensue and somehow they start to get along.

Iorveth’s Scoia’tael Giving Him Shit For His Taste in Men aka The Lovestruck Fox

Right now, working on a piece from the POV of a new Scoia’tael recruit who is discovering that Iorveth’s Scoia’tael roast the fuck out of him over his crush on Roche.

Speaking of, anyone have suggestions on prime roast material? I am not this creative.

Let’s Torture Roche!

No, really. This one is pretty dark. And told in kind of a different style than my usual, because I felt like it. So, premise is that Iorveth and Roche were a thing in the past, but then Roche was recalled to Foltest’s side and he went. So Iorveth is understandably pretty hurt and pissed (this was decided for a prompt of someone breaking down as soon as they’re behind closed doors). Buuut what he doesn’t know is that Roche is not with Foltest of his own volition. Hostages, blackmail, and torture are all involved and Foltest is a pretty horrible guy. But of course we need a happy ending, so eventually, Iorveth will rescue Roche and they get to recover together.

Life Debt aka Iorveth is an Asshole

The concept for this was that Roche saved Iorveth’s life and now that they were no longer enemies (set during Witcher 3), his honor demands that he follow Roche around until he can repay the favor. Featuring Iorveth being a trolling asshole, correcting the new Temerian Loyalist’s fighting abilities, and Roche being very, very tired.

In application, it’s mostly angst so far, ‘cause I had to set up HOW Roche saved Iorveth’s life. And then I decided to really hurt Iorveth. But tbh I will probably skip ahead after establishing this stuff, because I just want shenanigans.

King and Country

I’ve got several WiPs for this one, including the Stripes’ recruitment, their decision to change sides, the Stripes being double agents, and of course, Iorveth and Roche’s developing relationship. But hey, I’ve skipped ahead to writing their wedding already, so... you know it ends happily ever after?

Friday Fight Night for Jan 29 (which I did not make oops)

So, this actually turned into a long piece that’s gonna be part of my Chronic Pain series. Basically, King Foltest is treating with the leaders of the Scoia’tael in Temeria and Iorveth is one of them. Unfortunately, he’s having a REALLY BAD pain day, but he’s also determined to be there to represent his people. Roche helps him see sense. Possibly forcefully.

Exhaustion Prompts

“If we’re both in this state, we both really screwed up somewhere huh?”

Iorveth and Roche are trapped in a dream and I got a little stuck creating the creature that trapped them there. But pretty sure Saskia is gonna interrupt their flirting by saving them.

“You were almost dead from pushing it too far!”

In which Roche has a heart attack from too much coffee. Yeah. He’s okay, though! But PT is about to blow a gasket and coffee will very much be disallowed.

Found Family Prompts

Taking Out the Trash for @useless-empty-brain

Literally a story about taking out the trash lmao. We’re gonna see if I can make this intersting.

Touch Starved for @mochii-girl

Honestly, haven’t gotten much done on this yet, but I’m thinking puppy pile cuddles in Corvo Bianco

Coffeeshop AU aka Brewing Romance and Dissent

Ooof I’ve got a lot of bits and pieces of this written, but nothing quite finished, except for the moment when things change from “we flirt as I order coffee” to “I make you special drinks and invite you to come visit me after hours”. Writing a canon coffeeshop au when I know shit all about coffee is HARD.

Curse Breaking

Omg this is one of the first WiPs I started for Iorveth/Roche, no joke. STILL WORKING ON IT! The premise is that Roche finds a feverish and dying Iorveth in an empty Scoia’tael camp, saves him with the power of True Love’s Kiss The Power of Strong Emotions, Like That Which You Might Have For Your Enemy. Then they team up to go save Iorveth’s Scoia’tael from a big bad mage and Roche invites Triss along for the ride, which totally doesn’t make Iorveth jealous. I kinda stalled out at the part where they reach the mage’s hideout and see the results of the mages failed experiments. On Iorveth’s people. It’s gonna hurt. A lot. But afterwards, there might be makeouts. And some sort of implication that they’re all down to do this (minus the horrible, traumatic parts) again.

Roche POV bloodplay

Roche’s POV starting from before his first encounter with Iorveth. Then he has a weirdly sexually arousing encounter with the elf, and tbh, that’s as far as I got. But Iorveth draws blood from Roche’s neck, presses his thumb to it, and then licks it off his thumb. Next, Iorveth was gonna be the one getting Uncomfortably Aroused, but I haven’t gotten that far. No idea where this is going overall.

Iorveth Investigates Roche

This kinda isn’t a real WiP in that idk if I’ll ever finish it. I mostly started it to do some worldbuilding about what public information there would be about Roche.

Voyeurism AKA Eye on You

Yeah, I don’t have much for the next chapter yet, tbh. So premise is that Iorveth accidentally ends up watching Roche get off at the brothel and finds it really, really hot. Hot enough to get curious and go back for more. Next one is going to involve thigh fucking and Iorveth might possibly get pegged by Daph??? idk

Fake Relationship

Poor @lutes-and-dandelions has been waiting forever for this one and I can’t even find a place to end the scene and post what I have so far. Premise is that Iorveth and Roche are both investigating their missing men and the trail takes them to the Murivel Resort for Couples. So they go undercover. Featuring Roche’s POV of being doubtful, Iorveth using the excuse to flirt outrageously, strip gwent, and a magic amulet that hids Iorveth’s scar and that Roche hates.

Competitive Makeouts AKA The Chase

This was kissing practice and it turned into a casefic! Which is awesome because I love casefics even though I haven’t published any yet. So in this one, as Iorveth and Roche sneak off to makeout, they also end up investigating a conspiracy in the Temerian military.

Iorveth/Roche(/Kayran) + Roche/Foltest aka Every Kiss Begins with Kayran

In which Roche accidentally walks in on Iorveth’s monthly fuck date with the Kayran and gets invited to join in. Then, somehow, it starts to turn into a relationship. With an elf and a tentacle monster. And yet, somehow, this relationship is healthier than the one with Foltest. The contrast opens Roche’s eyes.

Pining and Poignards

In which Iorveth stabs Roche with his favorite knife and wants it back and is also maybe pining a lil bit. Meanwhile Roche is rather pissed, but also curious and begins to teach himself Elder Speech to try to read the inscription on Iorveth’s knife. I stalled out in the scene where Iorveth accidentally watches Roche masturbate in the bath.

Iorveth tittyfucking Roche

Look, it’s what it says on the tin. Roche’s POV of Iorveth’s fascination with his chest and how it makes him feel and then there is sex.

Dirty Gremlin Man

Iorveth gets off on Roche being a sweaty, stinky human. Roche pins Iorveth in a fight and Iorveth gets very distracted watching a drop of sweat trail down Roche’s face. So distracted, in fact, that he doesn’t think twice before stretching out his neck and licking it. Then, of course, he remembers where he is. Featuring a very confused Roche, a smidge of jealousy, and Iorveth stealing Roche’s sweaty clothing to do unspeakable things to it. And somehow they get together.

Want me to sit in your lap?

Geralt LEGIT says this to Roche like 5 mins into the Witcher 2 and it’s GREAT. So of course, I had to write a scene where he actually got to. This is set post Witcher 2 while Geralt, Triss, Roche, and Ves are headed back to Temeria. Triss offers Geralt a little stress relief - which involves warming Roche’s cock and watching Triss and Ves get to know one another.

Red is the Rose

So, Chapter 4 is set post-Witcher 2 and Iorveth is obsessing over the fact that the Rose of Remembrance still has not wilted. He wonders what might be possible, so when he hears a rumor that a certain Temerian Commander was taken captive by Dethmold...

Dethmold most definitely dies. But unfortunately, that doesn’t save Roche from the curses he cast. So they go looking for Geralt to find out how to fix it.

This has only been 9 of my documents, y’all. I think I have a problem.

De-Aged Fic aka The language of friendship is not words but meanings

Ugh, I lost my momentum on this one, which sucks, ‘cause the next chapter is so close to done. Iorveth just needs to do a little freaking out first. But then they will both be back to adults and have to DEAL with the fact that they made good friends and would kinda like that again. I think this fic is gonna be purely friendship for them, but they’re gonna get there.

Glory Hole

A fic for the @sugar-and-spice-witcher-bingo where Roche hears a rumor that some Scoia’tael go to this brothel on the outskirts of town and hey, he may as well check it out, right? By going undercover and working the glory hole, of course. He never ACTUALLY expected Iorveth would come, but his legendary mouth was enticing enough to draw the Scoia’tael commander out.

Snuggling

Thirteen “accidentally” handcuffs Iorveth and Roche together when they capture Iorveth. This leads to them lying on the cot in the Stripes’ holding cell, spooning. There is banter and tickling and escapes not attempted and also maybe some sex with Inexperience Iorveth (i say maybe because I already started the sex, but idk if it will fit in).

Petals and Stripes

A weed is but an unloved flower

Okay, the Stripes are going to attempt to woo Iorveth during a battle. Also, there is a stabbing. And then a kidnapping. And then, miracle of miracles, someone actually tries talking!

One person's weed is another person's wildflower

Ves’s POV! She cleans up the mess her idiots make and terrifies the life out of one elven suitor, but first she’s gotta deal with her own conflicted feelings about her Boss, the guy she relies on to show her the shades of grey in the world, loving the elf she’s supposed to kill.

After that, I’ve got 2 more fics planned in this ‘verse. One is gonna be a fluffy and/or sexy date after Iorveth and Roche have gotten together. The other is a Scoia’tael side story, featuring lots of gossip about the humans sending their Commander love letters.

Love Shack

The Better Part of Valor

Ugh, I’m stuck on the sex again. Roche is having a really shitty day, so he goes to the cabin and signals Iorveth that he wants a round. Iorveth offers gentle (for them) sex and praise. And at the end, there’s a very significant scene where Iorveth removes his bandana. Roche buries his fingers in Iorveth’s hair, but doesn’t actually see his face, as he’s laying on his stomach with Iorveth on top of him.

Medicine

The morning after! Roche wakes up to find Iorveth in the bath, facing away from him, and notices a new scar. Iorveth has to deal with actually revealing his scars in daylight and they discuss the significant differences in elven and human medicine. Hint: I turned my own medical procedures into elven medicine, so it’s pretty fucking good.

PWP Ovi

Set ambiguously late, maybe after Thou Art More Lovely and More Temperate. Iorveth and Roche explore what Roche can take. We start with overstimulation, go into consensual somnophilia, come inflation, breeding kink, and oviposition. Because elves reproduce by laying eggs, which is not at all the case purely because I started this WiP ages ago and was horny.

The Picture Says It All

There’s going to be 5 more pictures that Rinn draws for Iorveth. Next is Roche hard at work, hunched over a desk. Then we’re getting some shirtless Roche, for “research”, of course. Then Roche cuddling with PT and the rest of the team, about which Iorveth is not at all jealous. Then a face study of Roche during a fight and uh, Iorveth is uncomfortably turned on. And finally, a drawing of their cabin with a silhouette in the window. She knows.

Roche & Rinn: The Haunting of Barrack 8B

Oh man, I really want to finish the next chapter, because I already have the one after that done. But first, we get introduced to Adda! This ‘verse is going to feature Adda the White a lot more than any of my others have done so far and I’m very excited. Also, Silas continues to be terrified of the ghost and the ghost and Adda become girlfriends buddies.

Roche builds Iorveth a home

Set late in the ‘verse, after Roche knows his feelings, but they haven’t said them yet (not out loud, anyway). Iorveth takes a trip to go meet Saskia do things off screen and Roche ends up turning to his old hobby, carpentry, to keep himself from pining too obviously. So obviously he ends up builing Iorveth a solarium. And a pillow nest. And a scaffold so that flowers that blossom in the moonlight cover the glass and give them privacy.

I got stuck here because Rinn needs to give Roche a hint to get him to build the pillow nest, but I hadn’t developed Rinn and Roche’s relationship yet, so had to go back and do that. But eventually Iorveth returns and they have wonderful I’m-not-saying-it-but-i-love-you sex in the new pillow nest.

Foltest (WiP): Long Live the King

This is actually the last fic in the ‘verse, so I don’t want to give too much away. But actually, I haven’t figured out what the next chapter is, BUT I have the chapter after that started and it is GOOD, just you wait!! I’m very excited.

Don’t Cry For Me, Temeria

This ‘verse alone, I have 14 WiPs and a dozen more unwritten ideas.

(Im)Perfect Strangers

I am frustratingly stuck on this chapter. Theoreatically, we are going to have a check in on how the mountain and the rest of our cast is doing and then Roche launches his Wooing TM plan (aka dinner, gift, and dancing).

Between Two Fools

Yeah, Roche and Iorveth have very different understandings of what their gifts represent. There is some soft happiness and then a swift rug pulled out from under Iorveth’s feet, I’m afraid. BUT we are almost to the part where the two idiots sit down and actually talk properly.

Unlucky Number Thirteen

Not only do I have more of Thirteen’s story planned, but I have ideas for ALL the Stripes to have stories. We’ll see how that goes. But for now, Thirteen starts spying for Roche. A lot of still-nebulous stuff happens, including Thirteen’s first time, for which he asks Roche to help. Additionally, once we reach the (Im)Perfect Strangers timeline, Thirteen has a special story all his own. It involves learning to read and a secret I shall not yet reveal.

Silas

Like I said, all the Stripes are hopefully getting stories. But Silas’s is coming along nicely. He starts a new life as “Silas”, as a man, and joins the army. Boot camp is rough and awful and he’s not very good at any of it, but one day, Roche comes looking for a recruit. He needs a codebreaker to decipher Thirteen’s scouting reports (another one for pictures). So Silas joins the Stripes, but he’s still terrified that they’ll fnd out and think he’s been lying to them. Fortunately, they’ll be putting his fears to rest.

Stripes Sex aka Earning Your Stripes: The First Time

PT’s POV! The Stripes (pre-Silas) are all still getting comfortable with each other as a team. But Thirteen has known Roche the longest and in a specific capacity. So one evening when he needs to get out of his head, Thirteen asks Roche to dom him. PT is confused and scandalized and then jealous, but he gets to join in soon too. Meanwhile, Finch and Ves have fun with their bratty arsonist and Fenn is loving it.

break (v /brāk/): to destroy someone's resistance

This is very long and entirely build up to porn. And then lots of porn. A question during a random conversation leads Roche to make Iorveth ask him to take Iorveth utterly apart in a consensual non-consent fantasy set when they were still enemies in the forest.

Bath House

This was supposed to be a simple PWP where Roche talks dirty to Iorveth under his breath while the two of them are at the bathhouse with Boussy (who LOVES baths and brought them to the fancy bath house), Anais, and Thirteen (who HATE baths and react to water much like a cat). They kinda took over the story and there has been no dirty talk yet oops.

Iorveth POV: Tutti

Iorveth begins to reclaim his love for music and lets himself improvise and compose again. And he ends up writing a song that is the story of his and Roche’s romance.

Daggers, Dumplings, and Dresses

The Elihal/Hattori side story! Though we haven’t actually met Hattori yet. So far, Elihal is expounding on his past and his relationship with Iorveth (he used to make all of Iorveth’s fancy gowns for concerts). Elihal and Hattori won’t play a HUGE role in (Im)Perfect Strangers, but they will be appearing!

Ves and Ciaran aka The First Rule of Fight Club

Ves is stuck walking a very long way back to Vergen with the memory of Ciaran’s skin against her teeth. And even though elves lie like breathing, she can’t help thinking about what he said about Roche not being worth her loyalty. Slowly, she begins to work some things out.

Sex with Saskia/Dragonfucking

Yeah, it’s what it sounds like. Iorveth tells Roche that Saskia agreed to a threesome and where to meet, but he neglected to mention the rather large dragon that was currently rimming his ass. Roche gets distracted from his confusion by the hotness and watches Iorveth get fucked by a dragon (with 2 dicks to fit 2 holes, of course).

Come Inflation + Piss Play

Um. Yeah, it’s a PWP where Roche asks Triss for a potion that will make him come a lot. And then Iorveth wants more. No idea where it’s going, tbh.

Stripes vs Scoia’tael: Water Balloon Fight

Literally a water balloon fight. For morale.

Baby Mama

Uh, the title is a bit telling here oops. But let’s just say Iorveth and Roche go on vacation to the cabin on top of the mountain again when Iorveth is hit with the sudden extreme urge to breed. Roche is down, but at some point, they do actually need to talk.

King Roche aka fics where Roche is in charge and hates it. Some are more in line with this than others.

Post W3 Becoming Terrorists Together

Ah yes, the murder husbands fic. Literally, Roche gets stuck leading Temeria under Emhyr’s orders and he’s good at it, but he HATES it. Enter Iorveth, who both points out security flaws, joins Roche for a surprisingly unawkward bath, and proposes that they go hunting down war criminals on their own time. How can Roche say no?

Pre-W2 Ambassadorial AU

Different first meeting AU! In this one, Iorveth is sent as the elven ambassador to Temeria and it’s about as much fun as one might expect. Triss and Roche, the other outcasts amongst Temerian court, decide to befriend him. Well, try to anyway. idk where this is going, but it’s been fun. Also, Iorveth wears a fancy braid over his eye, because I said so. Also, I might be planning an OT3 porn scene at some point, because it turns out, elves are VERY sensitive to magic XD

Leap of Faith

Okay, yeah, this has nothing to do with King Roche, but it’s the doc I was working in when I got the idea. In this one, a mage captures Iorveth for Foltest and starts torturing him. Roche, without really thinking about it, decides the mage goes too far, so he kills them. Leaving him with an elven prisoner and a castle full of people who will consider him a traitor for that. They escape the city, but now Iorveth has gotta convince Roche that no, the King really won’t forget that whole murder and prisoner escape thing.

The whole point of this fic was for me to write them jumping off a cliff lmao. When am I gonna get to that? Probably like last or second to last chapter, tbh. Which should be... after the next one? No, I lied, it’s next chapter! I need to get on that!

An ill-favour’d thing, sir, but mine own aka Possessive Sex

Piss Fic

Um. Yeah. Roche is really horny when Iorveth gets home and is on him immediately, which is great, but Iorveth has gotta piss. Which becomes less urgent as Roche is determined to have his face fucks, but after he comes all over Roche’s face, it’s VERY urgent and Roche is a fucking brat and won’t move out of the way. So obviously the response to this is to piss on Roche’s crotch - which Roche is apparently more than okay with.

Cum Dumpster Roche

Yeah, this one doesn’t have much yet, I literally just wanted Roche getting railed and claimed and L O V I N G it.

Possessiveness

Iorveth spends a lot of time thinking about his enemy, his nemesis. He’s researched Roche extensively, spent hours thinking up tactics and strategies to outwit his nemesis. He literally knows what Roche named his stupid weapons, but he’s never actually met Roche.

But he’s dreamt about it. The Roche in reality doesn’t look like the assumptions he made in his dreams, but who cares about looks? Because Roche is his, and certainly not some dh’oine king’s.

Tentacles + Breeding

Gods, this one is SO CLOSE to being done dammit, I just gotta finish it!! But it’s a fun one. Iorveth and Roche are fighting, when Iorveth suddenly starts fighting plants, which are fighting back. Then the plants notice Roche and suddenly he’s tied up with vines and his clothes are getting torn off and uh, he’s not supposed to find this hot, is he? But he really kinda does. And then Iorveth goes and claims him and tries to protect him from a nearly-extinct non-sentient plant that sensed a warm spot to lay its eggs until someone else could come along and fertilize them. Iorveth is delighted to be that person.

Dream: Pleasure Slave

Yeah, Roche really likes getting claimed in these. In this one, he has a favorite dream setting where Iorveth rules some grand elven kingdom and Roche’s only role is to bring him pleasure. Not to deal with politics or nobles or policy, but just to make Iorveth feel good. So far, this features cock warming, come inflation, a leather cock cage (so to speak), prostate milking, and a very nice silver chalice that Iorveth expects Roche to fill before they’re done.

Roche wears a collar

This was gonna be a simple lil thing based on me creating Roche in heroforge and giving him a lil hidden collar. But then Iorveth decided to get really sappy and had to design and create the perfect collar for his enemy. And then, much to his surprise, he gets the opportunity to PUT his collar on Roche. Which is great, except the sight distracts him so much that Roche manages to escape.

But the next time they meet, Roche is still wearing that collar, hidden under his chaperon and armor. Iorveth has feelings about that.

Standalone

Crones fic aka And Ghosts Did Shriek and Shrill

So this is the angsty fic that started from a crack premise. Er, one of them. I seem to do that a lot. But in this one, Roche goes to the Ladies of the Woods and asks for his men back. The Ladies agree, in exchange for 6 lifetimes of service. But no creature can reverse death. Which leads to the Stripes coming back to “life” as ghosts - only Roche is the only one who can see them. Ves can’t (not at first).

Believe it or not, the whole idea behind this was the Stripes roasting Roche as he tries to flirt (terribly) with Iorveth. But uh... somehow it turned pretty dark. Like, it’ll have a happy ending for sure, but it’s gonna be a lot about processing trauma and grief and building families and also curing a plague, because that’s the first assignment from the Ladies.

Stripes fics

Cuddles with the Commander

This is intended to be a sequel to The Pride of Temeria, but I kinda got stuck figuring out exactly how Roche should react. Tbh, I don’t have much of this written yet, but the goal is for Roche to approve cuddles with everyone lmao.

Fire Breating

Okay, this one started as crack purely because I love fire, but it’s actually been really fun. So, Iorveth and Roche are established and Iorveth has been invited to a family night with the Stripes, which is kinda a lil awkward. So they decide to showcase some of their talents - which includes Roche singing musicals and PT breathing fire.

Iorveth is horrified that humans have harnessed this skill.

Iorveth’s missing eye

This is really short and idk if I’ll continue it, but the idea was for Roche to really wonder what was up with the bandana over half of Iorveth’s face was about. And then, of course, to find out.

Iorveth Gangbang

Why is this under Stripes fics, you might ask? Well, I have great news for you. Guess who the gang is?

In which Iorveth and Roche are in an established relationship and Iorveth gets tied up in the middle of the Stripes’ camp while Roche orders his men to take him apart. Iorveth very much enjoys himself, and then when the Stripes are tapped out, Roche shows ‘em how it’s done.

Kink Bingo fics aka that event that I totally failed, but hey, prompts are prompts.

Age Kink

In this fic, Iorveth and Roche both end up captured by unknown forces and end up imprisoned together. I think the Stripes and Scoia’tael are probably working together to find them and save them, but in the meantime, Iorveth and Roche decide to get to know each other a bit better. Featuring muscle spasms, blow jobs, and pain kink.

Eskel/Lambert (okay, a little out of place here, but eh, it’s in the doc and I am still working on it)

Started for a prompt on tumblr, Eskel and Lambert end up fighting and, trying to keep the peace, Eskel casts axii on Lambert. Which leads to Lambert confessing that he bit Eskel because it’s the only way he could get his mouth on him. This leads to some dodged confessions, some frottage, and some snarky banter, because of course it does.

Tempt Not a Desperate Man aka the Fuck or Die series that started with Devour What’s Truly Yours

Fisting

The next part of the series, where Roche struggles with the fact that he’s been high key horny ever since the encounter in the woods with Iorveth and nothing is satisfying him. Iorveth, on the other hand, is jealous and annoyed that Roche keeps going to the whorehouse.

Then Roche decides to make a potentially suicidal move and enters the forest to try to find the clearing from last time. And, as you might guess from my heading, fisting will be happening.

Iorveth POV: The Chaperon

Okay, I don’t actually have much of this written, but it’s really cute so - Roche keeps using his chaperon as a cum rag, so Iorveth knits and/or sews him a new one.

“Human Bootlicker”

PWP where Iorveth jokingly suggestions Roche should surrender on his knees - and then Roche does. And asks Iorveth to take his prize. Featuring Roche coming all over Iorveth’s boots from getting his face fucked, then leaning down and licking up the mess while Iorveth watches and then comes over his face.

One Accidental Proposal and Five Attempts At Accepting

So one of the themes of this ‘verse is gonna be the Elven Baths where the Roses of Remembrance grow. As in, they decide to make the elven baths a place they meet up. This is the first time Iorveth takes Roche there, and Roche does not know what significance the roses have. But he DOES know that Iorveth blushes cutely when he tucks a rose behind Iorveth’s ear, so...

Iorveth would like to accept, only Roche doesn’t know WHAT he’s trying to accept.

The Legend

So in the game, there is a legend around the statue of elven lovers above the elven baths. “Legend has it the lover’s sighs are enchanted within these very stones, though only those in love can hear them.”

Iorveth overhears his Scoia’tael gossiping about the legend and comes to an abrupt realization that Roche and him were the ones they were hearing. Oops?

Standalone Fics

Letters

This is kind of a bittersweet WiP that I mostly wrote in one go and then went to sleep and kinda lost the will for it. BUT the premise is that post-Witcher 3 Roche is in charge of Temeria and his brooding is interrupted when he receives a letter sealed with a forget me not pressed into wax. Iorveth continues to send letters describing his life as a “civilian” in Nilfgaard and how much he hates it and Roche relates a little bit too much. Then Iorveth decides to run away and live on the streets as a musician and he might inspire Roche to start learning the cello and presumably at some point, they meet.

Identity Porn

Iorveth and Roche have a meet cute in Flotsam’s tavern while the elf is listening in for local gossip and Roche is passing through on his way to meet with the other northern kings to get support in fighting against the new emerging threat of the Scoia’tael. Neither knows who the other is, but that doesn’t stop them from starting a relationship where they meet every time Roche passes through Flotsam. But their house of cards can only last so long, and at some point, they will meet as enemies. Who knows what happens then? idk, not me.

Gwent pinup calendar aka Cards Out for Your Country

Hahaha, so I started this series in response to some WONDERFUL art of Roche with his Tits Out For Temeria. And obviously we need more of that, so I created a list of 24 characters who are asked to pose for some pinup art, all in the name of Gwent. So far, I’ve only finished Dandelion’s pose/the introduction, but I do plan to do as many of them as I physically can.

Gwent Game in Corvo Bianco

Wow, I didn’t even remember this WiP, so uh... clearly I haven’t worked on it in a while. But it’s Iorveth’s POV of how surprisingly comfortable he is in Corvo Bianco and Iorveth and Geralt get drunk and play gwent.

Zoltan/Jaskier/Priscilla

A giftfic for Wibbly that involves Zoltan being sappy about his bards and then Priscilla dominates them. Featuring all my headcanons about dwarven genitalia (two holes, one with a retractible dick).

Dijkstra fics

Noticing Roche’s Fucked Up Relationship

Anyone else randomly finding themselves shipping Dijkstra/Roche? No? Ah well. For this one Dijkstra observes Roche and sees a few too many reminders of himself with Vizimir, except Foltest is no Vizimir, and Roche clearly hasn’t learned to set up boundaries. Dijkstra feels weirdly compelled to help him figure that out before Foltest destroys him.

Developing Respect Fic

Also known as “let’s torture Roche 1.0!” This fic switches between the present, where Roche has woken up in a cell somewhere unknown and it brings back far too many memories for him to be entirely sure of what is happening when. In the past, he was captured by Redania while on a mission for Foltest, long before he was anyone notable. Dijkstra comes to visit, curious about this prisoner who refuses to break, to even tell them his name or confirm his country (but he has a Temerian tramp stamp, so they know lmao). So Dijkstra decides that this is not a man who will be broken through torture and decides to try conversation instead. The idea is to show them slowly gaining respect for each other, but like, obviously Roche is still a prisoner. Eventually, he’s returned to Temeria in a prisoner exchange, but meanwhile, in the present, Roche is all alone, with not even guards around and no way to free himself.

and that’s all!! I am... legitimately scared to count, tbh. This post is so fucking long, the number cannot be good for my heart. But, that said, please come talk to me about any ideas you find interesting!! Or anything you have questions about!

And if you made it this far down the list... wow. Thank you, you rock.

#rorveth #iorveth x roche #the witcher #don't cry for me temeria #wip wednesday #my fics #WiPs #yeah it's not wednesday but whatever i finished the list

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captaincoffeegirl515 · 4 years ago

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I just saw the live-action Mulan movie, and in short, it sucked.

It’s not worth the money! Not worth the 37 dollars you’ll need to pay so that you can merely rent the movie. Don’t worry, I pirated it. I didn’t give Disney any money, and I’m writing this so you won’t have to as well.

To think, my mom was so excited about this film especially since we are Chinese and the animated Mulan film was one of her favourite Disney films. But throughout the film, we were disappointed again and again.

First of all, the directing, camera work, pacing, and editing was terrible. The pacing of the movie was all over the place. The fight scenes especially, were so erratic and badly put together. Either they’d have the scene move at a normal pace but would cut and change to a new angle or perspective multiple times until you can barely tell if there were any hits or what they were doing. Or they would do slow-mo and do a zoom-in on Mulan’s blank, stiff face.

They had Donnie Yen, a famous martial artist and actor, doing some incredible swordsmanship and martial arts in front of the soldiers but then they ruined it by constantly cutting away from him to some random blank-faced soldier. What wasted potential!

Did I mention the blank faces. Everyone looked so stiff during the movie, barely any proper acting done. This was especially obvious with the Witch, whose face barely seems to move. The most emotional I saw her was when she had teary eyes, but still, the rest of her face stayed smooth.

My biggest problem lay with the fact that they took the sexism of the animated Mulan movie and managed to crank it up to a thousand. The whole concept of chi/qi was wrong. For starters, real chi lies in everyone, and it does not give you superpowers or suddenly makes you a good fighter. But in the movie, apparently only men can use chi and gain superpowers, and that if a woman somehow had chi then she’s a witch and must be outcast or killed. And it made it seem like the only reason Mulan could keep up with the men or be better than them was because she had these superpowers. I honestly have no words to express my anger and disappointment at this.

I understand they removed Mushu in the live action since it was offensive to Chinese mythology. But replacing it with a phoenix based on Greek mythology?? That made no sense. And not only that, the CGI was terrible. Not only did it look obviously fake, my siblings and I all felt like the phoenix was made of paper. One of them joked that it was a kite. The coloring also reminded me of the bird in Wings of Time that I saw in Sentosa Singapore.

Btw, Chinese don’t have any concept of witches or witch hunts. Lord knows why Disney tried to put more Western concepts when they wanted to make an Asian movie.

Moving on to the characters and their chemistry. In short, there was none. Little to none actually. I don’t understand why Honghui was supposed to be her love interest. No chemistry and barely any meaningful interactions. They met with him insulting her and continuing to insult her throughout most of their scenes. The “love interest” also spent a lot of his time staring at Mulan like one of those creepy perverts that you try your best to ignore. Is this really the kind of lesson you want to teach kids?

And Ling? Yao? Chien-po? What happened to them? Their names were barely mentioned and their characterizations were so one-dimensional. There were not enough scenes building them up as proper characters, which made them easily forgettable. Because of this, we also had trouble telling all of the soldiers apart, and this includes Honghui and Cricket. Cricket was initially mistaken as Chien-po. There was even less time emphasizing their friendship with Mulan. I also didn’t understand why the need to add Cricket in the movie as another soldier. Disney still didn’t give him any proper growth or arc beyond that one shining moment with the arrow. I also didn’t understand why he suddenly decided to play dead at the end of the corridor fight. Another “dramatic moment” that fell flat.

Where do I begin with the Witch? Shan Yu was an incredible bad guy already. Why did they try to make his falcon human and have her as a witch? For the most part, it seemed like she was just there to drive down the movie’s point that women should be subjugated. She had the power to kill Bori Khan easily, but… chose not to because she thought he would help make her not an outcast?? And even when she changed sides, instead of idk killing Bori Khan when he tried to shoot Mulan, she just… flew… in front of… the arrow… and died. Wow.

What was Bori Khan’s revenge supposed to be anyways? For the most part, it looked like he was trying to slow-cook the Emperor. Like what was up with the random forges and the 2 inch pool of lava?? Were forges back then even hot enough to make lava and have it stay red hot the whole time even when it was in that pool?? Also, swords do NOT melt that fast.

Also, the part where Bori Khan was talking to the captured Emperor was so unintentionally funny. Like at the end of every sentence he would just suddenly make sparks with his weapon at the Emperor’s face. If it was a one-time thing, it would have been fine. But he just… kept… doing it. And with every strike I just started laughing more and more.

The Emperor was… something. Of course he was probably one of the men who has chi powers judging by his sleeve attacks. Honestly, that part felt so random, my siblings and I were all laughing and going “what??”. His voice was so clearly dubbed in, and badly done. He also seemed to have been given the clunkiest dialogue in the movie. I also miss the scene in the animated movie where Shan Yu tells the Emperor to bow down to him and the Emperor replies, “No matter how strong the wind blows, the mountain cannot bow down to it.” because that line was awesome.

The sister’s character was also completely unnecessary. According to Disney, she’s to showcase Mulan’s devotion to her family and give her more motivation to do what she does. But?? She took her father's place in the war to protect him?? Wasn’t the whole point of her story is her pretending to be a man to protect her father from certain death?? Is that not already a huge motivational factor and shows her devotion to her family??

Does anyone else also find it weird that when Mulan was in the army, everyone referred to her by her full name? Like everyone had their first names and were called that, but for Mulan it was always Hua Jun? Btw for those not aware, with Chinese names, the surname is at the beginning. Hua is Mulan’s surname. So shouldn’t they be calling her simply as Jun??

Moving on, I have to bring attention to several of the changes in the movie. It’s like they cut out all the scenes that gave the movie an emotional impact and replaced it with bland scenes that didn’t add to the story at all. Her decision to take her father’s place in the war and steal his armor was replaced with some weird thing about her getting lost and the phoenix having to bail her out.

The incredible moment when Mulan gets the arrow from the top of the post was replaced by bringing two buckets to the top of the mountain. Anyone who is strong and determined enough would have been able to do that. With the arrow, she needed to think and strategize, using the weights to help carry her up. With the buckets, she just used her chi superpowers.

The drama and shock as the happily-singing soldiers come upon the destroyed village becomes a drawn-out traveling scene that has the General asking Mulan to marry his daughter, and then cuts to the army at the village.

The scene where it looked like Shang was going to kill Mulan but then he spares her because she saved his life is gone completely since they decided to split Shang into two characters instead. Even Mulan’s line where she says, “You believe Ping, why not Mulan?” was given to Honghui instead, robbing Mulan of her moment.

Honestly, there was no need for the Witch and her fight scene with Mulan, but apparently in the movie, chi is weakened by dishonesty. It’s weird that the Witch is even telling her that since they’re supposedly enemies, and telling her about the dishonesty will make Mulan stronger.

Another thing is Disney’s weirdly intense focus on arranged marriages and matchmaking, with multiple characters mentioning whether or not they are matched or asking others if they are. Even at the end, the sister goes “oh I am matched”. I didn’t see the point of having that in the movie.

I almost forgot about the trebuchet/catapult! The Rourans are supposed to be a Nomadic people. Where are they finding the time and energy to drag that gigantic thing around? I also have to mention that the Rourans had some incredibly good aim when firing at the soldiers but missed by a long shot when they fired at where Mulan was hiding. That was… dumb, to say the least.

How did Mulan even get there anyways? And how did she carry all those helmets with only two hands? I’m even giving her some leeway because there are people who can control a horse with just their legs. The actress for Mulan also has clearly never fired an arrow before and was not given training for it. The way she loaded the arrows and how her fingers sprung open like that screamed CGI arrows

And now I’m remembering the random horse gymnastics the Rourans used to turn around on their horse so that they could fire arrows while riding. It looked cool, yes, but I don’t think that was the most efficient way to turn around.

Back to the fight scene, Mulan managed to go from chasing the Rourans into the mountains and fighting the Witch, to back to where her army was, then somehow teleported to a different mountain behind where the Rourans were. She also somehow outran an avalanche?? She also killed her own men in that avalanche. Not the best plan in my opinion.

Ultimately, Mulan’s growth and arc to become a soldier and hero of China was undermined by the fact that she was already perfect due to her chi powers. There was no need for her to grow and train because her chi made her strong, her chi made her skillful. And because of this, she lost her relatability. I hate to say this, but she became a Marysue.

I don’t know where to put this but Mulan’s makeup and outfit for the matchmaker scene was the ugliest thing I have ever seen. Green eyebrows?? Really?? What happened to her face? What happened to her dress? Everyone’s costumes also felt unrealistically colorful for a poor farming village.

Lastly, I’m sure many of you know that Disney worked with, credited, and gave thanks to the Xinjiang authorities. Those authorities are responsible for imprisoning up to TWO MILLION Uighur Muslims in concentration camps, forcing them to learn and be patriotic about China’s communist doctrine and propoganda, not allowing them to practice their faith, and subjecting them to horrific conditions, torture, sexual abuse, forced sterilization, brainwashing, and other abuses.

To end this overly wordy review, I don’t understand why Disney would willingly get so much wrong. They tried very hard to make changes and appeal to the Chinese audience but refused to have Chinese creators to help with the screenplay, directing, costume and makeup, etc. Now all they’ve done is alienate said audience.

#mulan 2020 #mulan #disney #rant

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summer-chan111 · 4 years ago

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The Owl House- Future Antagonists (Theory/Headcanons)

Imagine this:

After Luz rescues Eda, Emperor Belos starts to get really intrested in this "human witch". So he orders his most trusted men to bring her to him by any means necessary...

Who are they, you ask?

LEADERS OF THE COVENS

The most respected and (not including Eda and Emperor) most powerful witches on Boiling Isles. And now, Luz's new enemies...

Here's how I imagine them to be...

THE ABOMINATION COVEN'S LEADER

Regis Sator, 38 (voiced by Seán William McLoughlin)

Very eccentric

Seems very overly dramatic and self-centered at first

The first one to try to capture Luz

After he's defeated, he treats Luz with a lot of respect

Hopeless romantic and Theater kid

#StraightAlly 🏳️‍🌈

Extremly loyal to Emperor, but still likes The Owl House Squad

THE POTION COVEN'S LEADER

Justice Solis, 41 (voiced by Jacob Tobia)

Non-binary

Doesn't talk very often

Seems very cold and distant at first

Very patient and kind

Single parent of twins- Stella and Luna

The least problematic Coven Leader

Went to Glandus High

THE ILLUSION COVEN'S LEADER

Levis Blight, 39 (voiced by Jim Pirri)

yes, THIS Blight

Aruza Blight's husband

Owner of the "Blight Wands Corp."

Seems very intrested in Luz...

Not very loyal to Emperor

Extreme perfectionist and hypocrite

Only nice to people when he wants something from them

Abusive father

Extreme mood swings and anger outbursts

Wants Eda gone more than anything else

THE CONSTRUCTION COVEN'S LEADER

Guliver Elatus, 47 (voiced by SungWon Cho)

The youngest Coven Leader in history

Very short and very short-tempered

Perfectionist

Extremly loyal to Emperor

less talking moRE BUILDING!!!

THE PLANT COVEN'S LEADER

Rose Bloosom, 22 (voiced by Erin Fitzgerald)

Very cold and strict

Almost alien-like

Obsessed with the Emperor on a VERY personal level

Worships The Boiling Isles as a divine being

Despices talismans and hunts them down herself, specifically for the Emperor

Saved by the Belos from the terrible monster (*cought!* Bat Queen *cought!*) when she was a kid

Sees a huge potential in Willow...

Despices Luz and Eda, claiming they're "not worthy of using the Isles's gifts"

THE BEAST KEEPING COVEN'S LEADER

Brutus Tutella, 14 (voiced by Tara Sands)

The youngest Coven Leader

Fascinated by the King

Very impulsive and childish

The Golden Child Syndrome

Never had any "normal" friends- only animals

Loves every and each beast on Boiling Isles

THE BARD COVEN'S LEADER

Aruza Blight, 37 (voiced by Rachael Macfarlane)

Yes, THAT Blight

Levis Blight's wife

Very quiet and distant

british accent

Short-tempered

Has a soft spot for Eda, her best friend back in Hexside

Cares deeply about her public image

Neglectful mother

She reminds Luz of someone...

THE HEALING COVEN'S LEADER

Medice Blight, 63 (voiced by Lorraine Toussaint)

Levis Blight's mother

the oldest Coven Leader

the last remaining member of the Coven Founders

Kind old lady

Great cook

The only one not intrested in fighting

Tries to convince Luz to give herself up to Emperor- she obviously says 'no' and Medice respects that decision

Failed to save her son, now she wants to save Luz, from the worst illness of them all, lust for power

THE ORACLE COVEN'S LEADER

Fatum Livens, 25 (voiced by Aimee Carrero)

Usually very clumsy, optimistic and friendly...

...but during the fight, (most of the time) extremly cold and harsh

Thinks Luz is "THE MOST ADORABLE LITTLE THING EVER!!!"

The most skilled in fighting out of all the Coven Leaders

In love with Rose Blossom, who's absurdally oblivious to Fatum's attempts

Has a very grim prophecy for Luz...

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

~S(1)³🌼

#the owl house theory #owl house theory #eda the owl lady #the good witch azura #the owl house #emperor's coven #covens #owl house #headcanons #oc? maybe #oc? idk #oc?

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gizkasparadise · 4 years ago

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wow trying to edit that post was a nightmare. sorry yall.

anonymous asked how bad “goodbye my princess” was.

vague badness: enemy lovers that actually have consequences, betrayal/lying, jealousy, murder, suicide, dead family members dead family members everywhere, depression, the male love interest going a lil Unhinged, main character deaths (plural)

detailed spoilers (and legit, SPOILERS) under the cut

so you have to embrace that the male lead/chengyin is an absolute piece of shit. like he’s terrible. and he’s compelling. but he makes so many bad choices in pursuit of power / the throne of the li empire. so so many. now, he loves xiaofeng and it’s legit, but that ultimately brings more pain to her than if he didn’t.

Fucked Up Shit Chengyin Does: A Love (?) Story

-within the first 10 episodes, he + his soldiers have almost completely wiped out xiaofeng’s family + the danchi as a whole. her cousins die. her friends die. tangentially, her mother dies and her father goes insane. chengyin even beheads her beloved grandfather in front of her (he didn’t know she was there. but lmao. still.)

-did i mention that was on their wedding day? it was on their wedding day. said grandfather even gave her away. he went ahead with marrying xiaofeng even though he had no intention of abandoning his mission and thought idk love would fix it? chengyin what what what are you doing

-it’s unclear whether or not chengyin was going to tell her he was the double agent/the reason the li empire was able to wipe out the danchi, but there’s this like Significant pause between when xiaofeng wakes up from traumatically fainting after the danchi are defeated to her recognizing the li empire armor in his quarters where he doesn’t say anything and it is Sketch. definitely the implication that if he could he would hide his role in the defeat of the danchi from her and just Carry On as a Happily Married Couple

-she’s rightfully horrified by him when she makes the connection between him and the armor in his tent and tries to stab him, so he stabs himself harder which isnt awful but just fucked up like this is not a good relationship

-when gu jian (xiaofeng’s teacher/first love) comes to take her out of the li military camp, chengyin stops him and demands that he lets xiaofeng go because, quote, “They’re not over yet.” bro you just massacred damn near her entire family i think that’s a dealbreaker (to his credit he does let her leave but lmao it’s v clear he didn’t want to)

-there’s a semi-time skip and Plot Related Amnesia, so he and xiaofeng don’t remember their traumatic history, and both end up in the li empire b/c of xiaofeng’s marriage contract to one of their princes. one would think without the danchi backstory maybe they could have a better time. they don’t.

-chengyin falls for xiaofeng again, but he knows the politics of court are Fucked Up and if he shows he cares about her they’ll target her. so he makes a girl who’s been in love with him since childhood (se se) his concubine and fake!dotes on her to have all the political schemes fall on her instead of xiaofeng. basically, he exploits the poor girl’s feelings to make her a meat shield. i think he calls her expendable at one point. on the flip side of things, he treats xiaofeng like absolute shit sometimes in order to protect her. which works, but gd what an asshole

-although their memories are gone, chengyin knows basic things about the events in western liang that others in the palace have told him: that he defeated the danchi and killed xiaofeng’s grandfather are among them. he doesn’t tell xiaofeng this, even when they’re officially engaged. she finds out on her own right before the wedding and confronts him. he’s essentially like Look I Didn’t Want You To Know and when that doesn’t do well he’s like Think of The Country and also I Love You and gets general pei to later take her to the memorial he built for her grandfather, complete with his armor set. which is kind of sweet but also kind of imperialist museum? and also he was the one that killed him??

-super jealous. when there’s rumors that general pei and xiaofeng are having an affair (they’re not), he maneuvers to publicly strong-arm pei into a marriage with his sister (aka an imperial princess aka a marriage he can’t turn down). it turned out alright, but the Motives were definitely not alright--emphasized by the stone cold stare down he gives xiaofeng after the announcement (she’s oblivious to it, because she’s not in love with pei, but chengyin doesn’t know that). part of it is a political maneuver, but it’s also p clear that it’s personal

-a doozy. so gu jian, chengyin’s cousin and accomplice in the Take Down the Danchi Fuckery, is in love with xiaofeng. he was also xiaofeng’s first love, but she doesn’t remember him because #amnesia. throughout the second half of the show, gu jian’s been working as sort of a guardian for xiaofeng as she lives in the palace and trying to make amends for his part in the danchi massacre/trying to assuage his guilty conscience. at one point, he decides enough’s enough and he kidnaps xiaofeng in order to get her free from the palace. during this time, chengyin’s absolutely losing his shit because his beloved wife is gone and he knows gu jian’s the one that took her / has his suspicions about gu jian’s feelings for her.

while gu jian and xiaofeng are on the run, xiaofeng starts to get bits and pieces of her memory back--all of them surround a man named “xiaowu” aka chengyin’s alter-ego when they were together in west liang. because he’s a shit, gu jian says he’s xiaowu, and as a result xiaofeng believes he’s the one she used to be in love with. Complicated. even more complicated when, fleeing chengyin and palace soldiers, xiaofeng hits her head and COMPLETELY remembers everything.

needless to say, she doesn’t want to be around chengyin anymore. it’s super sad and fucked up, because while xiaofeng remembers everything, chengyin doesn’t. so here’s what chengyin knows:

-his wife was open and warm and they were in love even if he couldn’t always show it because #Intrigue

-wife gets kidnapped by his cousin, who he suspects is in love with her

-wife comes back from kidnapping, hating him and saying the only person she ever cared for was xiaowu -- which is NOT HIM

-his cousin claimed to be xiaowu

when gu jian tries to rescue xiaofeng again, he’s surrounded by palace guards and chengyin goes totally unhinged. he forces xiaofeng to watch as he orders his men to shoot the shit out of gu jian. she tries to look away but he won’t let her. he doesnt even care that a’du, xiaofeng’s best friend and the only one she really has left, is at risk of being shot as well. gu jian dies, and while xiaofeng knows he’s not xiaowu she remembers that they grew up together/at one point he was her beloved teacher and she’s devastated. she tries to starve herself but chengyin threatens to take a’du away forever if she does. it’s fucked up.

-xiaofeng tries to escape multiple times, and he won’t let her/re-captures her. it’s just. sad. really sad, esp since she can’t forgive him for what he did to her family

-after all this shit, west liang decides to rebel and chengyin decides to crush them. because killing one side of xiaofeng’s family tree wasn’t enough, apparently

-xiaofeng rides out to the middle of the battlefield--on one side is west liang, under control of her brother. on the other is li empire, under control of her husband. she threatens to kill herself unless chengyin meets two of her conditions: 1) that he’ll leave west liang the fuck alone for as long as he lives--chengyin agrees, and it’s clear he would say yes to anything she asks because he is freaking out. he even says that if she dies he’ll kill himself, too. which leads to wish 2) he has to live well

which feels like a mixture of selfless love and a little bit of a fuck you? she knows that making him survive after she dies is probably going to be what hurts him the most, but he swore to it. then she slits her own throat while he watches, and he runs by her side and is trying to keep her alive (which is fruitless). and then he’s shoved away from her by her brother, who takes her corpse back to west liang. chengyin grows old, and it’s clear the only thing he’s got is his empire and it’s a lonely fucking life. at some point, he abdicates to his nephew (implying he never had his own family) and goes back into the desert to “find xiaofeng” because he’s in denial that she’s dead and the vibe is that he’s definitely going to die alone out there

#fin

characters who die

-danchi: tömür/xiaofeng’s grandfather, he shi (a’du’s brother/xiaofeng’s friend), yi moyan (xiaofeng’s cousin), batu’er, a good freaking chunk

-west liang: consort/princess mingyuang, ashina yun/xiaofeng’s mother, qu wenchang/xiaofeng’s father goes insane

-li empire: zhao sese goes insane, crown prince #1/chengji, crown prince #2/chengye, the empress, the emperor, gao yuming, li yan, gao zhen, gu ruhui, chang’er, chai mu, ming yue

-main: xiaofeng, gu jian, a’du

#goodbye my princess #the eastern palace #asks!#please god let that cut tag work #gizka does kdrama

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officialleehadan · 4 years ago

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Overload

(this one is a little violent, but it's mostly offscreen. Fair warning.)

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“When we get out of here, we’re gonna have a long talk about you putting yourself at risk castin’ a shield like that.”

Cyn rallied well to surprise, but didn’t like them much. Arrows being fired at them tented to make him testy. Dabir understood, but didn’t regret risking a quick spell. Mostly because arrows.

“Hoy!” Cyn called to the nearest of his men, who was inside the cart, and not at all happy about the arrows. “Who’s not dead?”

“One dead, two wounded, everyone else has cover,” he replied, and tossed Cyn a crossbow. “I count about fifteen o’them in the trees. You want prisoners?”

“If it’s convenient.”

“Yessir.”

The man whistled to catch the eye of their other guards, and made a series of complicated hand-signs that Dabir recognized as thief-sign. He understood a little, but these men were fluent.

“How long will this shield last?” Kalaesa translated in his ear, still sheltered between his body and the cart. She could fight, and well, but without bow or magic, her best choice was to keep her head down. Fortunately, she did speak thief-sign fluently, and could speak for Dabir. “Cyn says minutes. Who are they after? Assume the princess. Capture if possible. Kill the rest.”

Well, let it not be said that Cyn didn’t have an eye for handling an ambush, and his men were highly trained, apparently ruthless, and pleasingly loyal.

They also fought like a wolfpack, all at once, and in frightening unison.

Screams and cries echoed all around them as Cyn’s men came out of hiding and attacked with a will. The man in the cart tossed weapons to anyone unarmed, but there weren’t very many of them. Cyn’s men were the sort to take over-armed as a suggestion, not a criticism.

So the ambush wasn’t going well for the ambushers.

Dabir got a good look at one of the ambushers and muttered a curse.

“They’re Evati,” he murmured to Cyn and Kalaesa even as his heart sank. “They’re after me. Chakir must have raised the bounty, and they may have mage-hunters with them.”

“Well, they can’t have you,” Kalaesa snapped, flicked a dagger into her hand from her wrist-sheath, and flung it with devastating accuracy. A man went down with the blade in his throat and she tucked herself back into hiding as if she hadn’t just killed a man. “You’re ours now, and the emperor can suck on that until his tongue turns purple and falls out.”

“Rude,” Cyn said approvingly and flashed her a quick grin. Light flashed through the trees, and Dabir heard someone scream in pain. “But accurate. Dabir, you got any other tricks? They’ve got a mage somewhere back there who’s causing problems We’ve lost six men to him, and none of mine can get close enough to put him down.”

Dabir pressed his hand down into the dirt, considered the leyline, and considered the mage who was like a distant light through the trees. Even with his own power bound up, he could still see magic, and that made it difficult for another mage to hide from him.

“Call your men back,” he said after some careful thought and the decision to take another stolen life onto his heart. He could do it, but it wouldn’t be clean. “There’s no being subtle with raw-magic work.”

“This gonna out you?”

“To the people looking for me or the ones shooting at us?”

“Fair point. Carry on.”

Dabir waited for Cyn to signal his men to get out of the way, waited until they did, and reached for the leyline.

Working raw magic without spinning it into his personal power was significantly harder than any other kind of spellwork. It was wild and infinitely powerful, and if he got even the slightest bit careless, it could overwhelm him. Dabir only dared try it at all because his own magical capacity was so high that it would take a true node to overwhelm him faster than he could react. He did have his personal power to fall back on. If it was a choice between outing himself and dying, he knew which he was going to choose.

Fortunately, he didn’t think he was going to need to do that.

With hard-won control, he gathered raw magic in his hands, careful to keep his own power away from it, and felt along the line until he found the Evati mage’s own tap into the line.

If they hadn’t tried to shoot Kalaesa, he might not have chosen the most ruthless way to deal with the other mage, but they did, and he could admit that he was angry. Attacks on him he could forgive. Attacks on her… he was willing to do whatever it took to keep her safe.

As soon as he found the other mage’s connection to the leyline, standard for any mage who needed more power than they could hold alone, he took a slow, steadying breath.

“Is everyone clear?” he checked with Cyn as he pulled more and more magic into his hands, silver-white and crisp. “Tell them not to look.”

It was the work of a minute as Cyn sent the signal along. Dabir waited, power spilling out of his hands, until the spy nodded once and both he and Kalaesa turned away from the mage.

Magical overload was a bad way to die. Dabir had watched half a dozen of his schoolmates die that way, of foolishness and pride as they went for power they couldn’t help to control. He had always felt strangely guilty about them. About the knowledge that it could never happen to him.

One of his primary teachers, the first Pillar of the Sky he ever met, told him a secret after the third student that year dared the immense node under the school and died for it. She told him, a bottle in her hand, about the worst, fastest, way to kill an enemy mage, if you had the power for it.

When Dabir had as much power as he could hold at once, he tore the other mage’s connection to the leyline free, and emptied his gathered power in a rush, a flood of wild uncontrolled magic far beyond what all but a mage of his caliber could take and survive.

There was a terrible scream from the forest, that echoed through the trees. Dabir flinched hard as it went on and on for ten painful breaths, and then cut off with a wretched gurgle and the sound of rending flesh.

Blood sprayed through the trees, painting pictures of the spaces between the trunks and bushes.

Silence filled the road and the trees beyond.

As one, the ambushers looked at each other, and, tanned faces grey with fear, dropped their weapons.

Cyn and Kalaesa stared at Dabir, who couldn’t meet their eyes.

“There’s a reason Chakir fears me,” he said quietly, too aware of Cyn’s men watching him, suddenly realizing the skull-back scorpion in their midst. Even as they tied their new captives hand and foot. “Don’t… don’t go look. You don’t want to see what I did to him.”

Kalaesa knelt beside him and tilted his chin up, fingers so light he could have pulled away, but he would never refuse her, and she knew it.

“We do terrible things in war,” she said softly, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Dabir tucked his face into the curve of his neck, too selfish to refuse the comfort he didn’t deserve. “And we do worse to protect the people we care about. Come sit with me until they catch the horses. It’s only a few more days until we reach the castle, and I doubt anyone will be brave enough to come after us again.”

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Desert Glass:

Dabir ran when his emperor ordered him to do the unthinkable. All the magic in the world isn’t enough to hide for long, when the most powerful ruler in the world wants your head on a pike.

Spellborn Lost

Smoked Glass

Books and Shared Experiences

A Royal Touch

Dust in the Archives (Free on Patreon)

Chessboard History (Free on Patreon!)

To the Border (Subscriber Only!)

Odds Are

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More Stories!

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years ago

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Psycho Analysis: The Rogues Gallery of the Powerpuff Girls

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

There are few rogues galleries I hold in higher esteem than that of the Powerpuff Girls. Aside from Spider-Man, Batman, and Danny Phantom, there are few heroes who can claim to have a more colorful and creative set of foes than the crimefighting superheroines of the city of Townsville. Previously I’ve talked about their archenemy, the wonderfully devilish Mojo Jojo, but they have a lot of other great villains worth talking about… so, why not just talk about all of them at once?

This one’s gonna be a little different, and will be divided into two sections: MAJOR ANTAGONISTS and MINOR ANTAGONISTS. Major antagonists will be villains that the girls fought most frequently, while minor antagonists will be notable one shot villains and lesser foes.

MAJOR ANTAGONISTS

These are the foes that the girls face most frequently in the series, and the ones that will likely come to mind when you think of the show’s rogues gallery. Aside from Mojo Jojo, and according to TVTropes, the major antagonists from the series are Him, Fuzzy Lumpkins, the Gangreen Gang, Princess Morbucks, the Amoeba Boys, Sedusa, and the Rowdyruff Boys.

Motivation/Goals: The major antagonists all tend to vary in what exactly they want to do, but they all have one thing in common: their motivations are broad enough that they can fit into a wide variety of plots. Him is the best example, because his goal tends to be a vague mix of “take over the city/world” and “be an absolute dick,” which leads to all sorts of battles such as the bad future where he rules the Earth or the episode where he sends the girls out on a series of ridiculous riddles as part of a bet with Professor Utonium to see if he has to pay his full tab at Him’s pancake restaurant. Considering Him is supposed to be a stand in for Satan himself and is the ultimate evil of the show (even if his power level doesn’t always reflect that), it makes sense he’d constantly be doing crazy, tricky schemes like this.

Of course, not all of these villains are massive threats like Him; others are simply nuisances, like the Gangreen Gang, who just love going out and committing crimes for the fun of it in between their leader Ace moonlighting as a member of the Gorillaz. While they are still dangerous, they tend to be motivated to do things just because they find it amusing, like when they snuck into the mayor’s office and crank called the girls into repeatedly harassing the other villains. Then there’s Princess, who is basically just a snotty superpowered bully who decided to turn to a life of crime because the girls wouldn’t let her become a Powerpuff Girl. She’s motivated entirely out of jealousy and spite, but she never really rises to the level of a truly world-threatening threat, though she did almost screw up Christmas one time to the point Santa decided to slap her on the permanent Naughty List. The final major antagonist who falls into this category is Sedusa, who true to her name, seduces men. That’s… about it. She also has prehensile hair.

The Rowdyruff Boys are kind of a mix of being super serious dangers and just being jerks, as they were created by Mojo to be the opposite of the girls and so have all of their powers but none of their good qualities aside from maybe their love for each other (which they rarely show, but it’s there). They’re mostly just jerks and love to cause chaos, but sicne they have all the same sort of abilities as Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup, they’re a lot more dangerous than the typical foe would be, and that’s not even counting the fact that their two “dads” are Him and Mojo, which means they have the cream of the crop when it comes to bad role models.

The last type of major villain is perhaps the funniest, because these are the villains who are just so bad at being evil that it’s comical. Fuzzy is a lighter example, as he’s not exactly bad at being evil; he’s just more not evil to begin with unless provoked or manipulated by other villains. He’s entirely content to just sit about at his shack, strumming his banjo, but if you piss him off he’s gonna grab his gun or a big old rock and cause some mayhem. The crown emperors of being failure villains, however, are the Amoeba Boys. These guys are the most utterly inept dumbasses you will ever see, a group so utterly bad at being bad that no one in the show is able to take them seriously. Since they are amoebas, albeit rather large ones, they don’t have the mental capacity to do much more than the most petty of crimes such as – GASP! - standing on grass when there’s a sign that says not to! Or even… LITTERING! Those fiends!

Performance: Tom Kane portrays Him, and alternately is able to make him hilarious and terrifying. It’s pretty amusing to think that the guy who played Professor Utonium and Mr. Herriman is capable of playing such a messed-up villain (ok, maybe not so much for the latter, Mr. Herriman was wack).

Fuzzy is portrayed by everyone’s favorite Trump supporting Pooh bear, Jim Cummings, and that good ol’ ragin’ Cajun accent he’d use in The Princess and the Frog and Zombie Island fits this southern hick quite well.

Ace, Big Billy, and Grubber of the Gangreen Gang are voiced by series MVP Jeff Bennet, who manages to make all three characters very distinct and unqiue in their voices, capturing the lovable oafishness of Billy and the smug leadership of Ace very well, and obviously whatever it is Grubber is doing. Lil’ Arturo and Snake are Tom Kenny, though the former was in his first appearance voiced by Carlos Alazraqui, which means twice now Tom Kenny has usurped Alazraqui in a voice role (the other time being the title character of the Spyro the Dragon franchise). Tom Kenny, being Tom Kenny, does a great job.

Princess and Sedusa are both voiced by Jennifer Hale, but I’m gonna be honest, neither of them are my favorite roles. Princess just has a really shrill and unpleasant voice - which is the point, mind you, I just don’t love it. Meanwhile, Sedusa is just forgettable.

The Amoeba Boys are Chuck McCann, and he gives all of them the exact sort of goofy, cartoonish Chicago gangster accent you could hope for, though each boy has a distinct voice. The other boy group, the Rowdyruffs, are voiced by Rob Paulsen for Brick and Boomer (the man behind the legend that is Carl Wheezer) and Butch is Roger L. Jackson (Mojo Jojo himself). As can be expected, the RRBs have very distinct voices, though I can’t say they’re quite as memorable as the characters they’re directly copying.

Best Episode: So yeah, this time instead of individuals scenes, I’m highlighting the very best episodes of the various foes of the Girls. First, let’s get the obvious one out of the way: if we’re talking altogether for Him, Fuzzy, and Princess, their appearance alongside Mojo in “Meet the Beat Alls” is just utterly hilarious, ESPECIALLY Fuzzy’s rock, their breakup bickering, and just how they decide to come together and cause chaos. As far as villain teamups go, you can’t get better than one that is nothing but a constant string of Beatles references (though they lose some points for not drawing attention to the fact that Him is based on the Blue Meanie from Yellow Submarine).

Individually, for Him, it really depends on what you’re looking for, since he’s a very versatile villain. If you want him at his best and most serious, “Speed Demon” is the way to go, as it shows a bad future where he has completely won, which goes a long way towards establishing him as the single most dangerous enemy of the girls. But if you want funny Him, well, “Him Diddle Riddle” is an absolute riot which leads to one of the most shockingly ridiculous punchlines in the show. It’s a real treat.

For Fuzzy, I’d say his main series debut “Fuzzy Logic” is a great solo showing, firmly establishing the character and how he has changed from the initial pilot. Fuzzy is an amusing character to be sure, but I feel his best showings are in ensemble pieces, which is why I say his debut is his best work.

For the Gangreen Gang, the obvious answer is, of course, “Telephonies,” because this is them at their most hilariously petty. They just sneak into the mayor’s office and crank call the other villains, and in the end, the day is saved! ...By Mojo, Fuzzy, and Him. Even the narrator is baffled at this one, but you’ll probably be laughing too hard to care about that.

Princess gets one of the best Christmas specials ever with “’Twas the Fight Before Christmas,” where she scams Santa into giving her superpowers while every other kid in the world gets coal. Of course, the Girls don’t take this lying down, and Princess gets the most awesome comeuppance ever, courtesy of Santa: she gets her name carved into the Permanent Naughty Plaque which has such notable figures as Adolph Shicklgruber, who you may know better as fucking Hitler. That’s right, Santa came right out and said Princess Morbucks is as naughty as Hitler is.

The Amoeba Boys have their main series debut, “Geshundfight,” which does a firm job of establishing these guys as such utterly incompetent morons that you can’t help but love them. It also establishes that these guys could only ever be a threat by complete accident. It’s good to see the boys got better after the girls threw them into the sun in the “Whoopass Stew” pilot!

Sedusa has “Something’s a Ms.” While Sedusa herself tends to be a rather dull antagonist, this episode rules and is her best appearance for one reason and one reason alone: we get to see Ms. Bellum kick ass. Hell yeah!

“Custody Battle” is the best appearance of the Boys because, let’s face it, having Mojo and Him argue over who has the right to be called their dad (Mojo Created them, Him resurrected them) is absolutely hilarious, and a great use of the characters.

Final Thoughts & Score: Alright, let’s go one by one here:

Him

Him is easily the best of the bunch and, aside from Mojo, is the definitive Powerpuff villain. I think part of it is, much like Mojo, Him is capable of being a hilarious jerk or a genuinely intimidating threat in equal measure. You get showings where all he does is try and make the Professor pay a full tab on his breakfast or give everyone tooth decay or even just hang out in his house and do some aerobics, and then you have episodes where he decimates the earth in the future or torments the girls in their dreams. He kind of really fits a lot of the old folkloric tales of the devil, where he could be anything from a prankster to outright malicious, for all it’s worth, and being based on the Blue Meanie certainly doesn’t hurt either. He’s just a very fun character who fits into so many different situations, and so he easily gets a 10/10.

Fuzzy Lumpkins

Fuzzy is an odd one, because as I mentioned earlier, he’s not really a true villain in the sense that he goes out and commits crimes for the sake of it like the others. He’s more of a chaotic neutral force than anything, who goes on angry rampages or gets swayed over to the dark side whenever the mood suits him. It’s kind of interesting how he was a smarter and calmer character in the pilot, where he invented a gun that could turn things into meat… but in the show proper, he’s just a dumb, irritable hick. While he’s certainly not the best member of the rogues gallery, there’s something charming about Fuzzy, and I definitely love his design and voice; I think he gets a 7/10.

The Gangreen Gang

These guys are some of the more enjoyable antagonists in the rogues gallery despite typically not being a huge threat. I think, really, that’s what makes them so fun; they’re a lot more low-key and just in general more prone to just being dicks than doing anything on the level of Him or Mojo. They’re the fun kind of villains where you don’t ever really need to take them seriously, to the point you can fully accept their leader Ace joining the Gorillaz, which is a thing that actually happened in real life and it’s amazing. I think that alone is enough to edge these guys into a 9/10.

Princess Morbucks

So out of all the major antagonists, I think Princess is probably my least favorite, mostly because she’s just a snotty, entitled, rich little brat. That being said, I’m not overly opposed to her, nor do I hate her; I really can’t hate a character that Santa Claus deemed is the moral equivalent of Hitler. I can’t stress enough how much I love Santa came right out and said “Rich lives don’t matter” and just slapped this little girl with the most grievous punishment you could give. Overall, Princess functions as a casual reminder rich people suck, and I’m okay with that, even if she’s not particularly high on my favorites. 7/10 is a solid score for her, I feel.

The Amoeba Boys

Idiot villains wish they could be these guys. Literally, as far as idiotic harmless villains go, these lads are the absolute cream of the crop. The fact these are giant amoebas wearing fedoras and talking like stereotypical gangsters and yet are so incompetent they don’t even know how voodoo dolls work and think that littering and standing on grass is the greatest crime of all is just… amazing. These guys are perfect. And yet they are so incompetent and harmless that it’s almost unfair to call them villains, despite how desperately they want to be villains. The fact everyone in the show treats them as a mild annoyance at best really goes a long way to making these guys endearing. They’re certainly not the best foes in the rogues gallery, but I think an 8/10 is a good score for these single-celled suckers.

Sedusa

I’m frankly not sure why she’s considered a “main antagonist” on TVTropes; when I think of PPG villains, she really doesn’t come to mind. Frankly, if she is a “main” antagonist, she’s one of the most boring and forgettable ones there is. Sure, she has a couple of decent episodes, and of course the one where Ms. Bellum gets her time to shine is a classic, but overall Sedusa is just a mediocre villain who doesn’t do enough to stand out among the crowd. I’d say she’s a 4/10. I think if they had gone with the concept from her third appearance where she had all those cool Egyptian powers from the start she would have been a far more engaging and fun antagonist. But hey, she gave Ms. Bellum her time to shine, so I can’t really say she’s all too abysmal.

The Rowdyruff Boys

So… these guys. I’m not particularly sure what to really say about these guys. They’re some of the most popular antagonists the PPG have, and they have great interactions with Him and Mojo. But they’ve never quite struck me as being as amazing as others have hyped them up to be. Maybe I just don’t quite vibe with their concept. All that being said, though, they’re not bad antagonists in the slightest, I just kind of find them uninspired as a concept. It won’t keep me from giving them an 8/10, so don’t worry about that, I just don’t find the idea of evil versions of the PPG to be particularly interesting.

And now we go on to the lesser rogues, the one-shot or minor antagonists! They don’t have the major presence the villains above do, but remember, you don’t have to be a major reoccurring villain just to make an impact; sometimes you just gotta be good at what you do.

Also, this is by no means an exhaustive list; I’ve left off some minor antagonists and probably forgot some, and then there’s some that just don’t have enough info to talk about. Like, I would love to tell you all the wonders of Salami Swami, but there’s just not enough… oh well… let’s talk about these guys. And they aren’t going to have a best episode listed, because… well, they’re minor one-shot characters. By default their best appearance is their only appearance.

Motivation/Goals: Unlike with the major villains, there’s a lot more variety in the one-shot characters, with their goals ranging from simple robbery to revenge to chaos for the sake of it. And yes, sure, their major villains do that stuff too, but they tend to have a solid theme, whereas these folk tend to have one gimmick that they run with for a whole episode before vanishing, never to be seen again. For instance, Femme Fatale is a raging radical feminist; Abracadaver is a lich who seeks revenge for his violent, untimely death; the Gnome is a cult leader who commits mass genocide of other villains so that he can create a utopian society; and Mr. Mime is a mime.

What I think separates them from the major foes is that they have a singular gimmick and they need to really excel at it, because if they screw it up, they’re gonna go down in infamy. Femme Fatale is not a villain who is recalled fondly, for instance, because her gimmick was horribly botched. Meanwhile, characters like the Boogie Man or the Gnome are looked at more fondly because of their silly and cool gimmicks that make them stand out (being a disco-themed monster under the bed and being a gnome with a beautiful singing voice that sounds like a certain lead singer of Tenacious D, respectively).

Performance: Let’s go one by one on these:

The Gnome is voiced by none other than Jess Harnell, who you may know as Wakko Warner or the current (as of 2020) voice of numerous Crash Bandicoot characters, including everyone’s favorite Wumpa-loving title character. They couldn’t afford the real Jack Black, but I think that Harnell does a very impressive vocal imitation of JB, to the point where you’d be forgiven for assuming that it was JB in the first place. The fantastic singing voice is no shock if you’ve ever watched Animaniacs, but boy is it good to hear.

Jeff Bennet may be the MVP of the lesser rogues, as he voices Major Man, Dick Hardly, and Harold Smith. This is quite a variety of characters each with different personalities and goals, so it’s pretty great he was able to give them all the exact sort of vocal characterization they needed to be distinct. On the subject of the Smiths, though,

Femme Fatale is Grey DeLisle doing a very generic voice. Like, it sounds like a less cheerful Daphne or a less evil Azula. I think she may have just been talking in her normal voice for this one? It just doesn’t really have anything to it to make it stand out among her more notable roles.

Boogie Man is voice acting god Kevin Michael Richardson, who has voiced numerous characters I really should do a Psycho Analysis on such as Chairman Drek and Gantu. There’s really nothing else to say here, really; Richardson gives exactly the sort of glorious performance you’d expect for a funky blaxploitation pastiche boogeyman. Talk about black excellence!

Lenny is Tom Kenny. Tom Kenny really does a good job with weird geeks like this, and so what else can I say but he did a good job with this creepy neckbeard. Abracadaver is played by legendary voice actor Frank Welker, who is in literally everything, but who you mostly know as Fred from Scooby-Doo. Much like with Kenny, he kills it in the role.

Finally, our last speaking villain is Roach Coach, and he’s most notable because he is voiced by Roger L. Jackson, who would graduate from this starter one-shot to become none other than Mojo Jojo. I don’t find Roach Coach quite as memorable a performance, but Jackson certainly doesn’t half-ass it.

Final Thoughts & Score:

The Gnome

I think the Gnome is one of the single most fascinating one-shot villains in the series, and not just because “See Me, Feel Me, Gnomey” is a gloriously cheesy rock opera where he gets to be the villain. His philosophies are incredibly intriguing and are sort of the focus of the episode, and his effectiveness is frankly unmatched as a villain; he succeeds in killing every villain in the series for a time. And while he is a bit hypocritical in that he too wanted to rule over Townsville and transforms it into a cult, he does ultimately realize that he was in the wrong and not only graciously accepts his defeat, but allows himself to die to return the world to its natural order, stating:

“"As I descend to the earth and I view the universe above me, I realize that life evolves, revolves, and dissolves completely around the opposites. Therefore, I conclude that I cannot exist in my...utopian...mind."

That’s a low 9/10 if I ever saw one. They didn’t need to go and make this Jack Black gnome in a rock opera such a fascinating character, but there we have it.

Dick Hardly

Dick Hardly is one of the most “love to hate” characters in the show’s entire run, and it’s not hard to see why; he is the lowest of the low, the scummiest scum there ever was. Look at this excerpt from the PPG Wiki, which was a godsend when writing all this up:

“Despite appearing only once in the 1998 series and never in the various spin-offs or the 2016 series, Dick Hardly is among the franchise's most memorable villans [sic]. This is because he's the only member of the PPG Rogues Gallery who has absolutely no redeeming or comedic qualities. Most villains have lines they will never cross. However, Dick is ruthless enough to kill anyone in order to achieve his goals, even his own ex-friends. In fact, he actually manages to make HIM (who is nastier than Mojo Jojo) look like a saint in comparison.”

He’s a slimy, ruthless, unrepentant bastard, and the fact he’s one of the few villains to bite the big one just helps him stand out even more. Throw in his incredibly cool monstrous transformation, and despite his single episode it’s not hard to give this Dick a 9/10.

Femme Fatale

So not to be lazy, but I did kind of do a Psycho Analysis on Femme Fatale back when I did an Episodyssey on her sole appearance. And yeah, I stand by what I gave her there; she’s a 2/10. She’s just a really preachy, obnoxious, and poorly executed moralizing villain. I’m also gonna go out on a limb here and say that she probably hates trans people. I suppose that’s just a headcanon but… come on. Look at her. If this show was TV-14 and came out today, she’d be even less subtle in her contempt for trans people than every episode of South Park that featured Mrs. Garrison. Enough headcanons though; she doesn’t get the lowest marks possible because, quite simply, she has a pretty nice design and her voice acting is good enough since it is Jennifer Hale.

Mr. Mime

Oops, wrong picture.

There we go! Anyway, Mr. Mime is a really cool character with a frustrating resolution. Through no fault of his own, Rainbow the clown accidentally gets hit by a bleach truck and loses his color, becoming the evil Mr. Mime, gaining the ability to sap the color and sound from the world with a touch. He’s actually a seriously awesome concept, and the episode itself is good… and then comes the ending where, despite turning back to normal, Rainbow gets the crap kicked out of him and sent to jail, which is strangely cruel for the Girls to do. Apparently they later made amends, because Rainbow shows up at their birthday, but it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. A 7/10 is a good score for this guy.

Boogie Man

The Boogie Man is arguably the greatest villain in anything ever. He is entirely built around one of the most groan-worthy puns imaginable and plays that pun up for all its worth, being a monster under the bed who utilizes a disco theme to the point he blocks out the sun with a gigantic disco ball. The dude has funky style and if that’s not enough, he’s voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson, who gives him the exact sort of voice he needs. The dude is just like something out of the craziest blaxploitation film ever, and he certainly brings the funk to the point where even though he only got one appearance in the series, I wouldn’t hate to bump this guy to an 8/10. What else is there to say but “Blame it on the boogie!”

The Smiths

These guys are just a very funny concept. I kind of like villains who do stuff for the pettiest, mundane reasons, and these guys take it all to the logical extreme. The patriarch of the family decides to dress up in a tacky supervillain outfit to get “revenge” on Professor Utonium because… he envies his perfect life. The rest of his family turn to villainy to avenge him, and are just as pathetic and ineffectual as he is. It’s so funny in a sad kind of way. I think a 6/10 is what they deserve, because while they aren’t particularly effective or groundbreaking, they’re at least good for a chuckle or two. Ultimately though they are a less impressive version of the Nelsons from Minions.

Major Man

Major Man is very interesting because he is very clearly an homage to Johnny Bravo; they’ve got the same hair, the same muscular body type (though Major Man is certainly beefier), the same voice actor! And yet, they couldn’t be any more different. Johnny, as much of a dense womanizer as he is, does have a hidden heart of gold beneath it all and usually means well; meanwhile, Major Man is a self-serving jerk who wants to play superhero. You know, he kind of reminds me of Homelander from The Boys in some ways. Anyway, I think a 6/10 is fair enough for him; he’d get higher if he wasn’t such an interesting concept for a major villain relegated only to a one-shot appearance. He’d have been a better entry in the rogues gallery than freaking Sedusa, for instance.

Abracadaver

So I wanna know how exactly this one got by the censors. This guy is unrelentingly dark, from his origin (he died onstage in front of a crowd which included children) to his absolutely ghastly appearance in which it is very much clear he is decaying and rotten. I honestly kind of love him, despite the fact he only ever appeared once, mostly because I can totally understand why they never used him again. This dude might actually be too scary. I’m giving him a solid 8/10, because I just love how unrelentingly dark he is. It’s definitely a low 8 since he never appeared after his initial appearance (for good reason!), but damn if he isn’t effective and memorable.

Lenny Baxter

Lenny is actually kind of impressive. On the surface, he’s just a gross, exaggerated take on Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons and loony dudebro manchild fans, which is all well and good, he’s pretty effective at being a “take that” and has stood the test of time pretty well/. But, I think what truly makes him memorable is the fact that he actually did manage to capture the Girls and would have won if not for the meddling townsfolk. Then of course there’s the Professor’s wonderfully tranquil takedown of Lenny’s ideology:

"Let me tell you something, Lenny. You may have all of the toys, all of the merchandise, all of the so-called “collector’s value.” But one thing you don’t have, Lenny, is true fandom. For a true fan wouldn't want to selfishly keep the girls to himself. A true fan would want them to be free."

I think that for a disposable one-shot villain, Lenny is surprisingly relevant even today. I think he deserves a 7/10, though obviously he’s not a very high one because ultimately he is just still a normal (albeit very greasy) guy.

Roach Coach

Look, not all villains are created equal. This guy? He’s not too impressive. Sure, he predicted the ending to Team America, and sure, he made a Papa Roach reference, but frankly I don’t think that’s enough to really elevate him into being an impressive one-shot villain. I’d say he’s a 4/10. He’s not lower because he is the starter villain, and his voice actor would go on to bring us the much better and more memorable Mojo Jojo. We all have to start somewhere, right?

The Robbing Leech

This guy is probably one of the freakiest one-shot villains in the series. Unlike Abracadaver, there’s literally nothing explained about this guy. There’s no origin, no explanation, he doesn’t even talk, and hell, the guy might not even be human at all! We the audience are never clued in, and the guy is never seen again, so we’re only left to ponder what exactly this guy is up to. I don’t think he’s quite as disturbing as Abracadaver, but he’s certainly got something going for him in terms of mystery; a 5/10 is fair enough. It would have been neat if they explained something, but I guess he’ll just have to be one of those riddles for the ages. We will never truly know how and why this man was capable of giving people the succ.

And just when you thought it would end...

Salami Swami

Ok, did you honestly think I was going to miss the opportunity to talk about this guy? His name is SALAMI SWAMI. And look at him! He controls MEAT! He only ever appeared once in the episode “Slave the Day,” where his mighty meat powers are no match for the appetites of the reformed Big Billy (formerly of the Gangreen Gang). But like… LOOK AT HIM. The idea and concept and literally everything about him is just so patently absurd and creative that I’m legitimately angry I didn’t come up with it first. He never spoke a single word, but he still managed to find a way into my heart and mind. Can I legitimately rate this guy who had a single joke appearance in the show? Damn right I can! 6/10, baby! If he appeared more or defined his personality a bit better I’d rank him higher but, come on. SALAMI SWAMI. Sometimes all you need to be great is a really incredible, stupid gimmick. And Salami Swami has that in droves; hopefully we can meat him again someday, and he can reignite his beef with the girls while remaining inextricably linked with sausage.

Ok, I’m done. Goodnight everybody!

#Psycho Analysis #Powerpuff Girls #Rogues Gallery #Him #Princess #Fuzzy #Amoeba Boys #Rowdyruff Boys #Gangreen Gang

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histoireettralala · 5 years ago

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Joachim Murat: his youth in Quercy.

His steps often joined those of Napoleon. Born 250 years ago in Labastide, Marshal of France, the king of Naples remained, all his life, attached to his native land. His native village now bears his name: Labastide-Murat.

Published on August 29, 17 at 16:05, in ActuLot

Joachim Murat en uniforme de sous-lieutenant au 12e Régiment de Chasseurs en 1792 (Age 25), by Jean-Baptiste Paulin Guérin, 1835

His name will later be inscribed on the Arc de Triomphe de l'Etoile. On April 5, 1791, three young people from Quercy (Murat, Bessieres and Ambert), appointed by the Lot Directory to be part of the King's constitutional guard, whose creation has just been voted by the Legislative Assembly, take the road to Paris. Coming from a family of small social status, Murat will reach the highest military glory thanks to the Republican wars and the prestigious imperial epic.

He was born on a causse with unexplored abysses

Joachim Murat was born on March 25, 1767, at La Bastide-Fortunière, a village in the Causse de Gramat. This physical environment has a certain connection with the future King of Naples' life and character. “La Bastide, a small village on the high plateau, looks like a fortress commanding the country. This majestic appearance amidst the drought, the almost desolation of the limestone soil which unexplored abysses hollow out in some places is the very image of Murat's life, a life full of contrasts where the good and the worst intertwine, where the peak honors and glory are next to disasters, mentions Marcel Dupont in his work on Murat. The sometimes violent wind is still a striking image of the marshal's mind, always filled with clouds and where hopes, vast projects, fury and annihilation collide day and night. Here is summarized in a few strokes, the prodigious and fatal destiny of this horseman who would have no equal to descend like a windstorm on the enemy troops.

His mother Jeanne's favorite child

Yet he seemed destined for a peaceful existence. Murat comes from a family that has lived in the town for more than three centuries. They are hard-working peasants, exploiting poor soil in harsh winters. How could a king arise from this modest environment more conducive to the development of country virtues than to warlike exploits?

This required the ardor of his youth, which will never leave him, but also the revolutionary upheaval. His father exploited the lands of "a few enlightened minds" in the village. Not being the owner, he is the manager, receiving earnings proportional to the crops. These are certainly satisfactory because the couple have a large house in the center of the town. This is the mother’s domain. The ground floor has been converted into an inn and the floor is divided between the family apartment and a few rooms for passing guests. This energetic woman who runs the inn is a caring mother. The good Jeanne Loubières, whom he will adore all his life, in fact, makes of the youngest of her eleven children, her favorite. By her constant presence, her desire to provide Joachim with an education, that goes beyond that of his environment, she will shape this son to the point that he will never forget his childhood.

With his curly hair and cheerful face, he's a rowdy kid, sometimes a brawler, as it should be to be respected in this country where endurance is proof of character. His time at La Bastide-Fortunière school made a good impression on his teachers: he is an average student but whose qualities of camaraderie and friendliness are recognized. His loving mother, who has deep religious feelings, thinks that the day will come when young Joachim will enter the Orders and may be parish priest of La Bastide.

His great pleasure is to lead alone the horses to the village trough. At the age when a horse seems formidable to a child, Joachim, who has an unusual vigor, already knows how to subdue them.

An amazing ability to lead

These predispositions did not arouse any suspicion among his parents who obtained a scholarship to send him, at 10 years old, to the Saint-Michel college in Cahors. He will stay there for 8 years. It is there that he will have as a comrade Jean Bessières from Prayssac, a future Marshal of the Empire. An unwavering friendship is born between these two men who would become close to the emperor.

Far from La Bastide, the young Murat discovers unknown horizons which open up new appetites for him. His intelligence is real. But as soon as he crosses the threshold of the class, he takes a singular ascendancy on his comrades, even develops an astonishing capacity to lead. How to blame him? If he goes too far for his age, he knows how to repent, implore and become very sweet again.

His whole life, he will use these weapons. Many contemporaries believe that he is completely sincere. Going from anger to tenderness, from elation to dejection, he is already and will remain, impulsive, even excessive in everything. Not without kindness and generosity.

At 20, he joins the cavalry

At the age of eighteen, he joins the Lazarists' seminar in Toulouse. But wearing the cassock does not make the seminarian. And this handsome young man of 1.85 meters, with a pleasant smile, already leads, outside the establishment, a private life the "good fathers" ignore. Here comes an important moment in Murat's life: his military engagement. It is allowed to think, with Jean Tulard, that after a quarrel, our too fiery seminarian was excluded from the University and dreading his father, takes advantage of the passage of the Cavalry of the Ardennes regiment to sign up for, he says "a life that does not displease him". In fact, the new Chasseur is "thrilled". He quickly stood out for his ability to train the most reticent horses and quickly became sergeant*.

For the simple rider, the days are repetitive and gruelling. After an early awakening (at six o'clock), you must groom sick animals, currycomb and brush them before preparing fodder, water and oats. It is only after this daily work, at ten o'clock that a soup is distributed. Then the upkeep chores of the stables. Strict rules still from the Ancien Régime! Because already Parisian ideas are swarming in the garrisons.

Giving free rein to his temperament, his need to be a leader, Murat, who places a lot of hope in the new ideas, takes the lead of the discontented men of the Regiment. This behavior is little appreciated by his leaders: he is put on permanent leave and expelled from the army. Humiliated, he decides to go back to the Lot. We are in 1789.

Delivery Clerk in Saint-Céré

Very badly received by his father who cuts him off, he returns to Saint-Céré where he is hired as a delivery clerk. For a few months, he was enraged, champing at the bit with impatience, convinced that his place is not here. The villages are buzzing. He became aware of the real state of France, of the mounting demands of the campaigns. Murat takes advantage of this return to his native land to attend and participate in public meetings of local clubs.

The past winter has been harsh and long. The harvest was poor. Lack of food and unemployment strike everywhere. Castles see their dovecote burned down. " Here will be hanged the first inhabitant who will pay the rent to the lord," says a poster from a Cahors merchant. It’s the revolt. Louis XVI summons the Etats Généraux on May 1, 1789 in Versailles. In 1790, for the Fête de la Fédération on July 14, each department must appoint two to three delegates. You can imagine that Murat is volunteering! The sympathetic, sweet talking but proud young man speaks. And it is in Lotois dialect that he expresses himself in cafes, wishing to reach the greatest number. The Revolution is born: Joachim Murat, who is part of the Third Estate by his origins, tries to change public opinion according to events. Every Sunday, he goes to Cahors: he listens, he harangues the crowd. He is on the Montfaucon list and is chosen to represent the Lot department.

The republican patriot leaves for Paris

Murat, 23, can go and explore the capital. It’s the consecration.

A new man is born. After a secular mass celebrated by former Bishop Talleyrand, speeches on the Champ de Mars ignite the crowds. One hundred thousand Parisians came to celebrate the first anniversary of the Capture of the Bastille. A year later, returning to the army, he is appointed to the King's Constitutional Guard, to protect but also to monitor Louis XVI. Indignant, the protester manifests a flawless patriotic commitment, calling himself a "pronounced republican", facing "this hideout of royalists who gravitate around the king". But the wind turns, Robespierre falls. His revolutionary passion almost interrupted his meteoric career. Bitter and worried, he is put on leave and returns for some time to Quercy, "wanting to become a simple plowman again".

Aide de camp

Skeptical about his future, then dejected, Murat quickly reacts, helped by the deputy for Gourdon, Jean-Baptiste Cavaignac, who encourages him to return to Paris. It is on the night of 12 to 13 Vendémiaire (October 5, 1795) that Murat is put in contact with the First Consul who needs him. He orders him to save the Convention threatened by the royalist riot. Forty cannons are placed by Squadron Leader Murat around the Tuileries Castle. Three hundred royalists will be killed. The government of the Republic is saved again. As Tulard points out: "From now on the star of Murat will merge with that of Bonaparte". No more depression, finally power and glory.

Promoted Bonaparte's aide-de-camp, he leaves for the Italian Campaign, direction Marengo. There, "his clothes will be riddled with bullets", but they will know victory.

He becomes Napoleon I's brother-in-law

In 1800, he marries Caroline, the First Consul's youngest sister, becoming the brother-in-law of the future Napoleon I. This marriage will give Murat an outstanding position among the marshals of the Empire. Quickly, he is invited to move to the Château des Tuileries and becomes part of the close entourage of the new master of France.

The rouser of men from the imperial epic will remain kind to his family at La Bastide. Coming from a small inn in Quercy to fly with his squadrons across Europe and into Egypt, Murat seems like a legendary character. Chateaubriand will devote long passages to him in the "Mémoires d'Outre Tombe". He will be admired by Stendhal, Dumas and Balzac. Three words characterize the King of Naples: ardor, ambition and panache. If he remains the most magnificent rouser of men the imperial epic will produce, he will invest much into the Lot whose deputy he will become in 1803.

And he will show kindness for his whole family. Especially for his mother, for whom he will show a deep attachment: he sends her rosaries blessed by the Pope.

The portrait he has done of Jeanne in 1792 will never leave him. It will be with him, in his homes, in his tent during his campaigns and in Naples, in his palace. He will build a castle for his "La Bastide family" in his native village, modeled on the Palais de l'Elysée, where he had resided as governor of Paris.

The King of Naples dies executed on October 13, 1815.

By André Décup

[Translation is mine.

Note: I translated by ‘sergeant’ the grade of Maréchal des Logis, which is its equivalent in the cavalry (and nowadays in the Gendarmerie).

There is no right translation for “entraîneur d’hommes”, I hope “rouser” doesn’t seem too weird in English.]

#napoleonic #joachim murat #newsletters articles #2017 #anyway i love him

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thattimdrakeguy · 5 years ago

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Robin - The FIRST Miniseries - Issue #5 (The LAST Issue) Review - (R.I.P Tom Lyle)

This is the big movie styled climax of the miniseries. So its mostly just endings, and action from here, but that doesn’t mean there’s not fantastic character work in here either.

There’s a LOT in this issue I didn’t remember, since normally I don’t pay attention to this one simply because I didn’t remember as much character stuff in it, but to my slight surprise (and bigger surprise in one or two moments) there’s some stuff in here I didn’t quite remember.

The weirdo trio finally breaks up in a way that reminds me of a divorce of some kind.

In a way Clyde and Lady Shiva played the roles of Tim’s parental figures in this miniseries. So that is fitting in it’s own way.

Clyde argues that Timmy shouldn’t be a part of this. Partially for his own want to kill King Snake (Dorrance) himself, but also because he wants to protect Tim’s innocence given the gruesome nature of what’s about to go down.

While Lady Shiva is absolutely numb to violence, and if anything wants Tim to be like her and revel in it.

Some of the word usage and Tim’s reaction to Clyde running off really set this up to a bizarre version of a divorce. It’s a slight soul cracker seeing Tim so worried that Clyde’s leaving to the point he yells out “CLYDE! WAIT!”. In the panel were Lady Shiva holds him back, he looks like such a helpless kid.

It’s a wee bit more emotional then it has any right to be given this trio only lasted 3 issues or so.

But, the climatic action must begin.

Tim uses his established cleverness to give the team some kind of advantage against what’s more or less an armed militia of men ready to protect King Snake and his drug empire.

With some small, but still tense moments.

And Timmy, of course, being on sneaky time.

This is one babyfaced boy that loves his sneaky time.

There’s even a good page that’s a good reminder that Tim isn’t the best fighter on the planet, but that he does his best given any opportunity he can.

A good chunk of this issue though, and deserving enough too. Is Clyde trying to get his revenge against King Snake for all he’s done.

It’s genuinely tense even if it is just a one time side character in this fight.

Because this has been building up between him and the bad guy since issue two. He is the emotional connection between the heroes and the main big villain. It’s for the best he’s the one that gets to take him on first compared to if Lady Shiva or Tim did it.

He’s the one that deserves this fight the most. Even if King Snake is too much.

While Tim’s too preoccupied stopping the plague from spreading and making sure he doesn’t get killed himself. Tim isn’t skilled enough to get out of the situation fast enough. He’s helpless to help his own friend.

Tim has no idea whats even happening to Clyde as he keeps having to run to his own safety.

All Tim can do, is his best. He sticks to the rafters to be sneaky. Uses the tools he knows he can use like his sling, and that’s just about it. Which continues to use his established skill-set instead of giving him sudden Gary Stu moment were he’s suddenly good at everything.

He’s lucky he’s small enough to even hide up there.

I know I been talking spoilers this whole time, but after this part. This contains-

MAJOR SPOILERS.

So read at your own risk, because this is the climatic issue and stuff happens.

So the big crushing part about this issue. Is that the last time Timmy Drake ever got to see Clyde Rawlings still alive, breathing, and blood pumping through his body was when Clyde ran to come to this fight.

The last thing Tim ever heard Clyde said was “RIGHT NOW!” and the last thing Clyde ever got hear Timmy’s voice say is “CLYDE! WAIT!” that’s the last they ever got to hear each other, because the next time Tim finds Clyde’s body it shows he’s already been killed by King Snake.

At this point it’s literally just this tiny little boy in red and green spandex vs a tanking man (with a freaking mullet) that’s supposedly one of the most dangerous men.

There isn’t a Lady Shiva in sight to save him, and Clyde’s not around anymore. Tim’s all alone, and the two people that have been protecting them this whole time are either gone in one way or gone in another way.

It’s all up to Timmy now.

And for the most part he doesn’t do good, because of course he doesn’t. He’s not a good fighter. He’s a tricky scamp with a sling and staff. Against the One of World’s Most Dangerous Men.

King Snake mocks Tim’s notable innocence.

Luckily though, Tim’s a clever boy, and finds a way to distract King Snake, before he can kill him or destroys him too badly. Thanks to Lady Shiva teaching Tim to his enemies underrating him to his own advantage.

Also right before Timmy absolutely wrecks him with one big, hit, that’s the biggest Tim can get out of his very teeny body.

This is when Lady Shiva shows up, and we get another scene representing Tim’s morals, because it’s a spot were King Snake should be knocked off the building, but he managed to get one solid grip on the scaffolding.

Even to the very last issue the character’s remain strong as ever. With constant reminders during their fights of who they are.

Clyde was so stuck on vengeance and anger, even if he wanted to try his best to protect Tim.

Lady Shiva, while calmer, doesn’t care about other people. She’s empathetic to her own fault.

Tim’s just the Boy Scout doing his best to stand up for what he was taught as right.

So what does Tim do in this Emperor Palpatine “DEW IT” moment?

What do you think? He’s such a good boy. He’s no Anakin Skywalker. This is a Luke Skywalker (Original Trilogy anyways), baby.

There’s some hard to watch panels though. Some stuff that actually made me a bit emotional reading this stuff.

Where Tim carries Clyde’s corpse because he’s not leaving him behind. Even when it causes Tim physical pain given he has a busted rib as he does it.

Tim could’ve easily left Clyde’s body behind for the police to find but he didn’t.

Clyde’s still on his mind and who can blame him. This is the dude that protected him this whole time even when he jumped in to protect him.

Tim tries to figure out what this all was for, because it starts to drag on him.

There’s even a surprisingly dark moment were Tim goes into the mindset of getting some payback, but of course, because he’s Timmy. He backs off of it because he realizes it was wrong. Showing that even when stuff goes wrong, Tim still has a sense of morality in him.

It’s stuff that really weighs down on Tim as the issue closes, because this was Tim’s first real adventure, and as it ends there was a lot of stuff he probably never wanted to be a witness too.

Probably some regrets carrying in his brain.

He starts to wonder what it’s all about as the miniseries and his adventure comes to an end.

So this was honestly a pretty good climatic issue even if it gets massively grim towards the end to a degree I wasn’t expecting.

Tim’s ongoing series touched grimness in the 90s, but it never went to this level or had such soul crushing visuals like Tim carrying the man who protected him on his back even with a busted rib.

Or contemplating physical payback against the person who caused him being dragged into all of this but backing off.

Like his ongoing series (where I fell in love with him) was a lot more lighthearted after this. So this isn’t the typical tone Tim carries. Even before this, it was just a soft action romp with character moments.

A lot of this caught me by surprise, because since I skip to Tim’s parts and the action didn’t take me away like other scenes, I didn’t even realize Clyde freaking died in this issue.

How did I not realize that?

I don’t even have a clue how, but in a way, it made it better for this review, because I’m more in tune with how a first time reader might react to it.

It’s a grim ending to a good miniseries.

The miniseries biggest flaws is having creepy girl characters who’s creepiness either feels out of character or not expanded upon to make it feel like it has a point, and moments that don’t go anywhere, with a really lame villain. Such a super lame villain.

However it’s character moments, character work for Tim, pacing, art, and sense of adventure still makes it a really good read. Even if compared to others it’s still a low-key adventure.

If you really wanna learn about Tim’s character. It’s a definitive recommend, because it’s a great character study for him. Through his goodie two shoes boyscout moments, his geeky moments, his awkward moments, to even his immature moments, and a rare dark moment from early Tim, but even that dark moment showed that in the end, Tim’s still gonna do what’s right, and not go too far.

I love reading the miniseries when I’m bored, because even if it’s typically just the first issue or two I read. I just love Tim, and I like to be reminded why.

He’s such a bean that’s trying his best to be heroic. You get a real sense of depth with the character that wasn’t seen by a Robin that was still Batman’s sidekick till this.

Dick had depth, but it wasn’t till he split with Batman that he got it.

With Tim he was the first Robin that was still Batman’s sidekick that could carry depth, and this is were you get it.

It’s the full show of Tim as a character from all sides.

It’s great that way.

I’m thinking of reviewing his next miniseries next just because reading this captured my spark for Tim in a brighter way then it has been after all the dullness of his current life as a character being misused time and time again sort of dragged on me.

With this, I get what I want even if there’s a bit of dirt on it. It’s a good read for a Tim fan, or someone that wants to learn about who he is just to include him in a fan fiction.

It’s a great feeling to remember just how fantastic Tim used to be.

I still hope DC brings back the old Tim eventually.

#Tim Drake #Robin #Clyde Rawlins #Lady Shiva #King Snake #DC Comics #Bat-Family #Batfamily #Bat-Fam #Batfam

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mygrandmathinksimsassy · 6 years ago

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“Flight Lessons”- (TIE Silencer one-shot)

Rey sinks into the sand until Ben holds out his arm to help her up.

She wouldn’t be able to stand otherwise. That’s what she tells herself when takes his hand.

“Catch your breath,” he says sternly. “We’re going again.”

“No,” she wheezes. “We are not.”

“It’ll be dark soon enough,” he insists. “You can stop then.”

“You could always have a go at it,” she pants. “Switch with me if you think it’s so easy to land.”

“I’m not going to leave you in my ship unattended, Rey.”

“You’ll run off with it,” he scolds. “And then where would I be?”

In her dreams, she’s running.

On snow. On salt. On sand.

Always running, never stopping.

Terrified of looking back

Rey’s eyes are closed, but she can always see the pilot chasing her.

Ben, he’s still Ben even after all this time, is always just behind her, breathing down her neck, and she doesn’t know what scares her more each time she floats through the air.

Fearing that he’ll catch her.

Or fearing that he won’t.

—

There are rumors of a First Order coup, even in the Resistance camp. A faction led by General Hux finishes the work that another, someone whose name she’s only ever heard in whispers, started so long ago.

The Emperor’s ghost will not abide those who know the Force.

He knows all too well what the Light can do.

They are only rumors, gossip learned second-hand then third, but she has no reason not to believe them.

She hears that Ben was attacked, left to die in the ruins of the Death Star.

The cause he’s dedicated his life to spits him up and swallows him whole.

—

The Resistance finds the man who used to be the Supreme Leader in the sands of Tatooine.

He’s bathed in the Force, as he always is, as he always has been, but the pulse that surrounds him is weaker than it once was. Flickering instead of beaming, a dying star instead of a burning sun.

The prisoner comes quietly.

If he didn’t want to captured, he would have gone free. The restraints fastened to his wrists by two terrified privates as they dragged him to the Falcon are only for show.

She knows that. He knows that.

But it’s easier for the others to pretend.

He’s kept in one of the Falcon’s unused rooms. One of the smaller ones that could have easily once been his.

She’s in charge of guard duty although she is the sole volunteer.

The bond has been quiet these past months, but now they’re alone, trapped together with her back against the wall and his saber on her hip.

Ben doesn’t say anything, just stares at her with a split lip and bruises coloring his cheeks.

He’s not in her mind, she told him she’s kill him if he tried and he seems to honor her request, but he’s seeing more than she wants.

Poe wanted to shoot on him sight. She’s starting to think that wouldn’t have been the worst idea.

“Why are you here?”

“I was looking for you.”

“You found me,” she snaps. “And then you got yourself captured. Excellent job.”

Silence is his only reply. His Force signature is growing healthy, strengthened by his captivity, a band of Darkness wrapped around a ring of Light.

The Light was there the last time they spoke. There, but almost too weak to see.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Don’t be stupid,” she says. “Why were you trying to find me?”

“I’m supposed to find you.”

He’s loud now, almost shouting, and she reaches for her saber without thinking.

“I keep having these dreams,” he continues. His voice is softer now, almost apologetic, and she moves her hand when she notices the hurt in his eyes. “Where the Order is after you. After us. Trying to kill us both.”

“You try and outrun them, but then you land on my ship right as they’re about to shoot,” he says. “I don’t know what it means, but it’s the same dream every time.”

“I can show you if you don’t believe me.”

He bows his head, offering up the contents of his mind, and she fights every impulse in her body not to take full advantage.

To witness the future he saw. To scavenge all the other dreams that might have led him here.

“You don’t need to show me, Ben,” she whispers. “I’ve seen it too.”

He lifts his head and something within her, neither Light nor Dark, grows stronger.

“You can tell Dameron I’ll cooperate,” Ben says. “I’m in exile now. I’ve got nothing left to lose.”

—

What’s left of High Command gathers in one room after the interrogation.

It’s been months, but the seat that would have been Leia’s, the throne at the head of the table, is still left empty.

Rey is present, but not quite there, standing on the outer edge of the inner circle as Poe relays the intel he’s gathered.

Ben told them more than they could have ever hoped and for the first time, the war feels like it could end.

“Why should we believe anything Ren says?”

The senior officer speaking has been scowling since the meeting started.

“For all we know, this is a trap. We’re playing right into his hands.”

Half the room murmurs its agreement and the Darkness slinks past her ankles, letting out a warning hiss before it disappears.

“You’ve seen the holos. The First Order’s offering five million credits for his head,” Finn says. “He’s a dead man walking. He might be telling the truth.”

“Even if he’s telling the truth-“

“-he is.”

It’s the first time she’s spoken in a council meeting and a roomful of eyes are locked on her. Her hand rests against her saber, Luke’s saber, and the Light helps craft every word.

“He wouldn’t lie. Not about this.”

There are more murmurs after that. Some more content than others.

Poe calls the room to order in a weary voice, turning to her once more before he issues a final decision.

“Are you sure, Rey?” Poe asks. “Can we trust him?”

He sounds tired.

Tired of fighting. Tired of war.

She nods, trusting Ben even if she isn’t sure why.

The Force cursed them both with the same vision. She’s no longer fool enough to pretend to understand what it means.

What little she says is enough to stay Ben’s execution.

The borrowed saber on her hip whispers its thanks.

—

Ben is a free-range prisoner.

He’s her shadow, a constant companion, in the weeks that follow.

None of the enlisted dare to approach him. Even most of the officers look the other way when he enters the mess for the first time, allowed out of his cell in exchange for the intelligence that reduced a First Order outpost into rubble.

An officer, the same one who had been so eager to condemn him, shoots Ben in the leg.

Or at least he tries.

Rey freezes the blaster bolt as it comes inches from Ben’s thigh. The Force flows through her fingertips as it lands with a thud and it isn’t regulation to strike Ben’s would-be assailant with her staff, but it’s kindness compared to what the Darkness suggests.

She’s stronger now that Ben’s with her. It’s intoxicating to think of what they could do.

—

They meditate.

She wakes him up while the rest of the camp is still asleep, before the suns have even risen and their only company is a silent dawn.

He says it’s been years since he even tried, that there were easier ways to find the Force when Darkness was all he knew, but he allows her to guide him as they ready for the end.

They sits across from one other with crossed legs and closed eyes, both searching for the balance she once struggled so hard to find.

They spar.

Using sticks like unruly padawans.

She tells him not to hold anything back, to teach her everything he knows, and the constellation of scrapes all over her limbs is evidence enough that he’s doing exactly as she acts.

Their matches become something of a spectacle, drawing crowds of anyone that can stop the task at hand.

He’s killed more men than she could ever name, but she wins enough to keep her ego from being bruised.

It might be the only part about her that isn’t.

—

They practice, readying themselves for the day their vision comes true.

It will come true. It’s only a matter of when.

She had to fight tooth and nail, but he’s finally been allowed use of his ship.

There are orders to cut his throat if he tries to go off-planet.

But he wouldn’t leave.

Not when there’s still so much to do.

She stares at the horizon for the millionth time, watching as Ben’s ship gathers speed.

She runs, just like the dreams, holding tight to her lightsaber when she closes her eyes and takes the leap.

She’s weightless, breathless. The Light soars as she spins through the air and she’s forgotten how it feels to stand when she bangs her head against one of the wings.

Gravity is her cruelest enemy.

She waited too long to jump.

Ben veers his Silencer off course, swerving so she doesn’t end up burned to a crisp, but it isn’t really mercy when she crashes into the sand.

It hurts, but the pain is nothing new.

She’s already fallen a thousand times.

What’s one time more?

Rey sinks into the sand until Ben holds out his arm to help her up.

She wouldn’t be able to stand otherwise. That’s what she tells herself when takes his hand.

“Catch your breath,” he says sternly. “We’re going again.”

“No,” she wheezes. “We are not.”

“It’ll be dark soon enough,” he insists. “You can stop then.”

“You could always have a go at it,” she pants. “Switch with me if you think it’s so easy to land.”

“I’m not going to leave you in my ship unattended, Rey.”

“You’ll run off with it,” he scolds. “And then where would I be?”

She rewards him with a one-fingered salute, the first thing she remembers learning in Niima outpost, and it’s the first time she’s ever seen him smile.

—

He has a nice smile.

For a tyrant.

—

There are other dreams in the weeks that follow.

Dreams where she’s in his lap and in his bed, moaning his name as he makes her come undone.

She tries to forget them as soon as she’s woken up, tries to hide her blush when Ben strips down to an undershirt in his war against the midday sun.

Those are her dreams. Nobody else’s.

Some dreams don’t come true.

—

The war finds them on Tatooine.

Their armies are waiting, stationed in the mountains until it’s finally time to strike. Finn has her staff while Poe keeps watch, his comm at the ready when it’s time for the ambush to start.

She’s the sacrificial Bantha, standing alone.

Trussed up and ready for the slaughter.

She can’t see Ben, but she can feel him. The gears of his mind whirling from his hiding place in the shadows.

There’s fear there, the same worry she has that all their work was in vain.

Her heart aches, but she ignores it.

She ignites the saber, a blue beacon for the swarm that’s descending on the planet’s surface

They wanted a Jedi.

That’s what they’ll get.

The finest ships in the First Order are seconds away, larger than life and sharper than steel, but her feet carry her over the sand, out of the desert and into the open.

Their ships are fast. Ben’s is faster.

He breaks through their offensive, soaring toward her like they’ve practiced a thousand times.

Guns are firing, getting closer with each wasted moment, when he calls her name.

The Force bangs like a drum when she jumps.

She flies through the air.

And then he catches her.

Just as she always knew he would.

—

Then the Resistance claims its due.

—

To the victors, go the spoils.

A bottle Lando brought makes its rounds among the survivors, something bitter and strong that warms the fire in her blood.

Ben isn’t unwelcome, not anymore, but he lingers at the edge of the crowd.

Keeping to himself.

Looking away when she tries to catch his eye.

—

The rest of the camp has gone to bed.

They sit together with their thighs touching, watching as the fire slowly turns to ash.

“I’ve been told I’m not a prisoner anymore,” Ben says. “That I’m free to go wherever I please.”

His Poe impression is a good one, but that’s not why she forgets to breathe.

“Where will you go?”

“I haven’t decided.”

He sighs, staring at the embers like they’ll give him any sort of sign.

“I’ve never been free before.”

She might be imagining it, but his fingertips brush against hers.

“You could stay here.”

He doesn’t say anything and that hurts more than a no ever could.

“You don’t have to stay here,” she stammers, trying to salvage what would have been a perfectly fine goodbye. “But it’ll take months to help rebuild the moisture farms. We could always use another set of hands.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

Ben turns his head and her heart pounds in her ears.

Running from an army was nothing compared to this.

She misses being brave.

He has to know she wants him to stay.

He has to know that’s all she’s ever wanted.

But words fail her as they so often do.

So she kisses him instead.

He’s just as clumsy and unpracticed as she is, but it’s perfect either way, feasting on his lips as he wraps his arms around her.

She’s soaking through her leggings as she climbs into his lap and they’ve never been closer, but they’ll never be close enough.

“I dreamed about this too.”

He kisses a trail up her neck, leaving marks she never wants to fade.

“Rey, I’ve dreamed about you for so long.”

She cradles his face in his hands,

He’s looking at her the way she’s only ever dreamed of being looked at, like she’s the most precious thing he’s ever seen, and it’s all she can do to kiss him again, to make up for all the time they’ve wasted.

The dreams, as beautiful as they were, were a pale imitation of reality.

She’ll never wake up from this for as long they live.

—

Rey takes Ben’s hand and leads him to the Falcon.

—

She’s fallen for him a thousand times.

It’s easy to fall once more.

#rey #rey of jakku #kylo ren #ben solo #rey x ben solo #rey x kylo ren #reylo #reylo fanfiction #reylo fanfic #reylo fic #star wars #star wars episode ix #rise of skywalker #bendemption 2k19 #tie silencer #episode ix fic #episode ix speculation #sasstasticmad #the trailer got me good everybody

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confrontingbabble-on · 5 years ago

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After Jesus was crucified, everyone had a different understanding of what Jesus had wanted them to do...even those who had never met or heard Jesus’ teachings, like Paul. Christianity is the result of those who thought Jesus wanted them create a religion...to collect money, and side with murderous/immoral political rulers...so they could gain status and political power (to cover up their immorality and avoid legal punishments)...legally steal pagan temples and property...and replicate pagan ceremonies...

“When it comes to religious history, the list of Catholic Church transgressions makes for pretty uncomfortable reading. Despite exalting virtue and kindness in its teaching, Church leadership has spearheaded a long history of outright unforgivable Catholic actions...

Though Vatican violence goes way back, there are a number of disturbing episodes from recent history. Some of this repugnant behavior comes from Popes, some was Church-endorsed, and some, most unsettlingly, was just straight-up regular Church practice.

Dark Church history contains scandal after scandal rife with every vice and taboo you can imagine. When the Church was at the height of its power (at which point it was the most powerful organization in the Western world), it's safe to say everything went to its head. Combine that with the fact that Church leaders seem to stubbornly resist adapting to changing(improving) morality...and you've got a whole lot of unforgivable moments on our hands.

** Systemically Covering Up Tens Of Thousands Of Cases Involving Sexual Misconduct: Remember the time there was a systematic cover up of abuse, molestation, and rape at the hands of priests that went all the way to the top of the Church? A conservative estimate says there were 17,200 victims in the US alone, and this type of mistreatment happened world-wide. When complaints came in, priests and other offenders were transferred, rather than punished. The extent of their actions will probably never be fully understood, because of the decades of cover up. But the Church isn't denying it anymore. The archdiocese of Milwaukee acknowledged the severity of the issue and agreed to pay a $21 million settlement to 300 victims. But these types of settlements are few and far between.

The molestation of children is still happening at the hands of priests, 15 years after the Boston Globe broke the story. In fact, in August 2018, a grand jury reported that internal documents from six Pennsylvanian dioceses noted that over 300 "predator priests" were "credibly accused"...of harming more than 1,000 child victims; the alleged violations go as far back as 1947.

Due to statute of limitations, only two priests were charged with abusing minors. In February 2019, however, Pope Francis publicly acknowledged the systemic maltreatment and vowed to combat the problem. He said, "I think that it’s continuing because it’s not like once you realize it that it stops. It continues. And for some time we’ve been working on it."

** The Crusades...Or, Incapacitating Jews And Muslims For 300 Years: In 1095, when Pope Urban II made a plea for war with Muslims, armies of Christians in Western Europe took up the charge. The pope promised serfs freedom if they went, galvanizing the masses. In the First Crusade, an army of peasants led by Peter the Hermit was massacred by the Turks. When an army of knights went after them and captured Jerusalem, it was said they massacred Muslims until the streets ran with blood.This was only the beginning. Waves of the Crusades continued until 1396, marking three centuries of warfare, and incalculable human suffering. "Taking the heads of slain enemies and impaling them upon pikes appears to have been a favorite pastime among crusaders. Chronicles record a story of a crusader-bishop who referred to the impaled heads of slain Muslims as a joyful spectacle for the people of God. When Muslim cities were captured by Christian crusaders, it was standard operating procedure for all inhabitants, no matter what their age, to be summarily killed. It is not an exaggeration to say that the streets ran red with blood as Christians reveled in church-sanctioned horrors. Jews who took refuge in their synagogues would be burned alive, not unlike the treatment they received in Europe."

** Pretty Much Everything Done By Pope Boniface VIII: Boniface VIII (1230 -1303) was guilty of many horrible crimes that, sum total, make him seem like a sadistic Roman emperor. Among other things, he oversaw the complete destruction of Palestrina, a city that peacefully surrendered. Palestrina was completely razed, and Boniface ordered a plow driven over it to prove it had been reduced to nothing but earth and rubble. You know priests take a vow of celibacy, right? Apparently, Boniface VIII didn't take his too seriously. He once had a three-way with a married woman and her daughter, but was even more well known for saying that having sex with young boys was as natural as rubbing one hand against the other. So, obviously, he was raping (or at least fornicating with), children. To celebrate his many great accomplishments, Boniface VIII just loved erecting statutes of himself. So add hubris to his list of sins.

** Burning Joan Of Arc For Dressing Like A Man: You may know Joan of Arc as a saint, but the Church didn't always hold her in such high esteem. In fact, at one time, she was pretty much the Catholic Church's public enemy number one. In 1429, 17-year-old Joan of Arc, believing God had spoken to her, instigated an uprising to get the English out of France, but some high-powered Catholics who sympathized with the English weren't pleased. French king Charles VII wisely accepted Joan's help in his fight against the English, and together, they won some major battles.

When Joan was captured, Charles VII, unsure of whether he trusted her as an emissary of God, handed her over to the Church, which did what Catholics do best, put her on trial for heresy with no evidence. To make things one step more ridiculous, Joan was denied counsel, which was against Church rules. Despite this, she is famed for remaining cool, calm, and dripping with integrity throughout the trial. Because there was no evidence of heresy, Joan was found guilty of one of the 70+ other charges brought against her, wearing men's clothes (shirt and pants, like every country girl today!) , for which she was burned at the stake in 1431 in front of a crowd of thousands. In 1456, Charles VII ordered an investigation into Joan's trial. The result? She was declared innocent and made a martyr. The Church followed suit and, in 1920, canonized her. Talk about a change of heart. Maybe since all male Church officials wear dresses they pretend are robes, they decided it was okay for Joan to dress a little (country!).

** Burning William Tyndale For Making A Vernacular Bible For The Masses You'd think the Church would make the mass distribution of its core text a main priority. As it turns out, in the 16th century, this was the last thing powerful Catholics wanted. Scholar William Tyndale, on the other hand, wanted this so badly he went into hiding to translate the Bible into English, so lay people could read it for themselves. The Church was not happy about this, and when copies were smuggled around Europe, Catholic authorities demanded they be burned. And what of Tyndale? He was captured, tried for heresy for daring translate the bible, and burned at the stake. When Church authorities decided printing Bibles in English was okay, they borrowed a whole lot from Tyndale's translation. And never apologized.

** Slaying Countless Women As Witches Because Pope Innocent VII Was Paranoid: The Catholic Church wasn't the only group involved in witch hunts, but it kicked things off with Malleus Maleficarum (Hammer of Witches), a doozy of a book written in 1487, after Pope Innocent VIII declared, by papal bull, witches were real and a threat (due to their involvement with Satan). He wanted that sh*t investigated stat, so clergymen Johann Sprenger and Heinrich Krämer (using his Latin name, Henricus Institoris) took up the call and literally wrote the book on witches, Satanists (which were invented for this book), and hunts thereof. And boy, was it a success. It was so popular that, for 200 years, it was second only to the Bible on the sales charts. The problem? Well, for one, the book was hugely sexist and focused almost only on women, promoting burning them at the stake, a common punishment for heretics. So who knows how many deaths it inspired; its influence was too huge to quantify. The book is also filled with somewhat dubious information, such as the following facts about witches and Satanists: they stop cows from giving milk; they rode through the air on broomsticks on their way to forest orgies; they ate infants.

** Absolving Sins For Cash Payments, Including Sins Not Yet Committed: If one bit of Catholic Church history got drilled into your mind in high school, there's a good chance it was the selling of indulgences and Martin Luther's reformation. Now synonymous with money-grubbing, the idea of an indulgence isn't so bad in theory. According to Church doctrine, "[an] indulgence is a remission before God of the temporal punishment due to sins whose guilt has already been forgiven, which the faithful Christian who is duly disposed gains under certain defined conditions through the Church’s help when, as a minister of redemption, she dispenses and applies with authority the treasury of the satisfactions won by Christ and the saints." A little wordy, but potentially inoffensive.

In the 16th century, however, indulgences got out of hand. Pope Leo X had expensive taste and wasn't above using shady means to satisfy it. Indulgences were peddled as "pay X to absolve you of Y." Basically, money gets you into heaven. To give some indication of how crazy things got, Dominican friar John Teztel was named Grand Commissioner of indulgences in Germany (so, overseeing indulgence was his only job), where he sold absolution for future sins. So: "Hey, give us some gold, it's all good if you kill that dude next week."

If you were poor and ignorant, as most poor people in the period probably were, you basically just believed you were hopelessly f*cked and did your best to prepare for an eternity spent frolicking in the torments of hell. So what happened? Martin Luther, none too pleased, wrote his 95 Theses, effectively kick starting the Reformation.

** Orchestrating The Fall Of The Knights Templar To Appease A Broke King: ...the Knights Templar, a stateless military fraternity assembled to protect Christian pilgrims to the Holy Land, were the subject of gossip a long time ago. They were endorsed by the Roman Catholic Church in 1129, and were famous valorous service in the Crusades. They were also really good with money, which shouldn't have been a problem, but King Philip IV of France owed them (and others) a whole lot of it. Philip took advantage of growing fear of the Knight Templar's power and pressured the Church into dropping the mighty anvil of god down on them. What the Church did next wasn't great. In 1307, Pope Clement V had members arrested and tortured, gaining false confessions of heresy. In fact, he got enough such confessions to justify disbanding the order in 1312. Various Knights confessed to spitting on the cross, fraud, and secrecy (which was apparently a crime?), and nobody cared the confessions arose from torture and were recanted afterward. Archbishop of Sens Philippe de Marigny, who ran an investigation into the Knights, had dozens burned at the stake. A fine repayment for all of that fighting in the crusades. In 2007, a secret document showing Pope Clement V absolved the Knights before later deciding to disband them was published. Historians believe this document provides essential proof that the Church caved under King Phillip's pressure. Good news for the Knight's integrity, bad news for the Church's.

** Burning Someone 43 Years After He Passed Because He Upset Some Important Catholics: As if having your enemies killed wasn't enough, Catholics gotta burn the corpses, too. What gives? Trying to outdo what the Romans did to JC and John Wycliffe (1320 – 1384), famous English theologian and vocal critic of the Church, was a forerunner of the Reformation. Among his many criticisms was a belief the Church should give up its worldly possessions. As you can imagine, not an idea the church was happy to have spread around. Wycliffe also promoted and worked on the first English translation of the Bible, hoping to give people direct access to the word of god. Again, not a fun idea for the Church, which liked its monopoly on power.

William Courtenay, Archbishop of Canterbury, made moves against Wycliffe after retiring (gotta stay busy). Wycliffe's writings were banned in certain areas, but it didn't end there. It didn't even end when Wycliffe died of a stroke in 1384. Instead, in 1415 (31 years after he died), the Council of Constance declared Wycliffe a heretic. Not only did they order his books burned, they ordered his body exhumed and burned. And it took them 12 years to do that. So, 43 years after Wycliffe died, his corpse was torched and his ashes thrown in the River Swift. So much for resting in peace.

** Executing Jan Hus For Working Out Some Tricky Theological Philosophy: The Church tends to be pretty brutal with its critics, of which the treatment of Jan Hus, born 1372, is one of the best (or worst) examples. A Czech priest, Hus felt the Church, run by humans, who are by nature flawed, must necessarily also therefore be flawed, while the Bible, the direct word of God, had no flaws. He was, therefore, openly critical of Church practices, especially the papal schism and indulgence sales. So, not very happy with Hus, the Church convened the Council of Constance and invited him to join them. Nothing to worry about, just a wee chat. Or so they said. Instead of having that wee chat, the Council arrested Hus and put him on trial (and then in jail) for, you guessed it, heresy. He was kept in a dungeon and, when he refused to recant his teachings, was sentenced to death. The Church even refused him his last rights before burning him at the stake. And to think they said they just wanted to talk.

** The Joust Of Whores Organized By Pope Alexander VI: The Joust of Whores is just one example of the corrupt and ridiculous popes of yore. In 1501, Pope Alexander VI (a Borgia, if that rings any bells), who was known to have some pretty refined hobbies, like watching horses fornicate, took things way over the top. According to historian Tony Perrottet, he invited 50 women to strip at the pope's table. Then things got weird.As Perrotet writes: "Alexander and his family gleefully threw chestnuts on the floor, forcing the women to grovel around their feet like swine; they then offered prizes of fine clothes and jewelry for the man who could fornicate with the most women."It's rumored Alexander VI was killed by his son, Cesar. Just to show how truly f*cked up Alexander was, his body was expelled from the basilica of Saint Peter. Why? He was considered too evil for sacred soil.

** The Roman Inquisition, During Which Judaism And Love Magic Were Serious Crimes: The level of the Church's involvement in various inquisitions can be argued. It's important to remember Pope Innocent IV (ironic name, that) explicitly condoned torture as an Inquisition interrogation technique in his papal bull Ad extirpanda in 1252 (which bull probably deserves its own place on this list). The Spanish Inquisition, most famous of these murder orgies, was carried by Spanish royalty and friars, who were Catholic, but not working directly for, or under direction of, the Vatican.

But wait, kids! Don't forget the Roman Inquisition, or the Supreme Sacred Congregation of the Roman and Universal Inquisition, which was 100% the church's doing. In 1542, as part of a Counter-Reformation against Protestantism (seriously, didn't these people have anything better to do than overreact to other Christians who pissed them off?), the Spanish Inquisition's gentle cousin, the Roman Inquisition, was born. Galileo and Copernicus were among those questioned. While Church staple heresy was a popular dish during the Inquisition, the menu had a number of options, including blasphemy, Judaism (which is a crime how?), immorality, witchcraft, love magic (yes please), and anything else wrathful Papists could shoe-horn in. John Bargrave, a contemporary English writer, described how he was questioned in Latin (rather than Italian) to prevent uneducated guards from understanding what was being said. He was also prevented from carrying books "printed at any heretical city, as Geneva, Amsterdam, Leyden, London, or the like." Not as bad as the Spanish Inquisition, sure, but very much related and equally dogmatic, close minded, and power-mongering. A Church specialty

** Imprisoning Galileo In His Home For Years Because He Suggested Science Was Greater Than God: The Church and science have a complicated relationship, to put it nicely. In 1633, Galileo Galilei, the father of, like, all science, was put on trial by the Church for saying the sun is the center of the universe and the earth moves around it, rather than the other way around. Which is, you know, true for the most part (sure, okay, the sun isn't the center of the universe, but still, he was onto something). But that didn't matter. Pope Urban VIII was having none of it, seeing Galileo's statement as horrific heresy. So, 10 cardinals sat in judgment of Galileo, who was threatened with torture, imprisonment, and even being burned at the stake. Galileo, 69 at the time and in a "pitiable state of bodily indisposition," eventually renounced his beliefs. Because of this, the church went easy on him and, rather than torture, he was subjected to house arrest until he died. What a way to treat the father of modern of science. And what does the church have to say on the subject now? "We today know that Galileo was right in adopting the Copernican astronomical theory," Paul Cardinal Poupard, the head of an investigation into the matter said in 1992. So, only 350 years too late.

** Cutting Funding For Immigrants Because Of Their Connection To The LGBTQ+ Community: Not all Catholic faux pas come from the past; there's been some dodgy stuff in modern times, as well (see priest rape bonanza), and the church's relationship with the LGBTQ+ community continues to be a source of frustration. But here's a humdinger: For years, the Church gave thousands of dollars to Compañeros, a nonprofit helping Hispanic immigrants access healthcare, understand laws, and meet other basic needs. That is, until the Church found out Compañeros teamed up with a gay and lesbian rights group, at which point Nicole Mosher, executive director of Compañeros, was informed their funding was in danger. Compañeros is but one example of organizations the Church threatens for not falling in line with the most strident dictates of Catholicism. The New York Times explained in 2002, "Since 2010, nine groups from across the country have lost financing from the campaign because of conflicts with Catholic principles."On the one hand, of course it's okay for the Church to withhold money from causes in contradiction with its beliefs. Like, say, an abortion clinic. But cutting off funding to aid the needy simply because of an association with the LGBTQ+ community seems extreme and unfair, especially given Church doctrine on helping the needy and feeding the poor. What's more, members of the LGBTQ+ community can identify as Catholic and go to church, but can't be helped by that Church? This is all the more more difficult to swallow when considering the Church's $1.6 billion stock portfolio...”

From https://m.ranker.com/list/most-unforgivable-things-the-catholic-church-has-done/lea-rose-emery

#nonreligious #atheist #agnostic #secular humanist #skeptic #Religion #Christianity #religious insanity

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joachimnapoleon · 4 years ago

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“Aim for the heart, but spare the face”

The 4th and final part of my narrative of Murat’s last days. (Part 1: Murat’s Fateful Decision) (Part 2: The Capture of Murat) (Part 3: Prelude to a Show Trial)

***

The commission chosen to enact the farcical trial of Murat convened on the 13th of October. A Sicilian named Captain Starace was to selected to serve as Murat’s advocate, and pleaded with Murat to change his mind about appearing in front of his judges to defend himself. Murat replied that the members of the court were not judges, but executioners; he ordered Starace to say nothing in his defense. Shortly after, the commission sent in a rapporteur to interrogate Murat, asking him his name, age, and homeland. Murat angrily declared: “I am Joachim, King of the Two Sicilies; get out, Monsieur!”

The trial concluded around four o’clock in the afternoon. He was unanimously found guilty, ironically on the basis of a law regarding insurrection which he had enacted himself in June of 1810. Murat received the news of his death sentence with, writes the Marquis de Sassenay, “a disdainful calm.” The sentence was to be carried out, he was told, in a quarter of an hour. He was permitted to write a final letter to his wife and children.

My dear Caroline,

My last hour has come; in a few moments I shall have ceased to exist; you will no longer have a husband, and my children will have no father. Never forget me; my life has not been tainted by any injustice. Farewell my Achille, farewell my Letitia, farewell my Lucien, farewell my Louise; show yourselves to the world worthy of me. I leave you without kingdom and without property, in the midst of my numerous enemies; be constantly united, show yourselves superior to misfortune, think of what you are and of what you have been, and God will bless you. Do not curse my memory. Know that my greatest pain, in the last moments of my life, is to die far away from my children.

Receive my paternal blessing; receive my kisses and my tears. Always have present in your memory your unfortunate father.

[Murat writes his final letter, by Jacques Onfroy de Bréville]

Into the envelope along with the letter, he placed several locks of his hair.

Completing this final task, he was met by Canon Masdea, the septuagenarian priest to whom Murat had bequeathed some money for the San Giorgio church two years prior. The priest prevailed upon Murat to sign a written declaration stating that he was dying as a Christian. He also managed to persuade Murat to make confession, standing firm on the matter when the officer on guard attempted to object due to a lack of time.

“Let us go,” Murat declared after receiving absolution, “and God’s will be done!”

At six o’clock in the evening, he was led out to the narrow courtyard of the castle. He coldly refused both the blindfold and the stool that were offered him. Scarcely ten feet separated him from the twelve-man firing squad. In his hand he held the miniature likenesses of his wife and children, which he now pressed to his chest.

“Soldiers,” he addressed the firing squad calmly, “do your duty. Aim for the heart, but spare the face.”

He gave the order to fire himself.

Details of the aftermath of the execution vary, with one account claiming three pistol shots were discharged into Murat’s head after he fell, which, if true, is excessive enough to appear as more an act of malice than a standard coup-de-grâce. There seems to be no doubt that he was killed instantly by the firing squad’s volley, fired at such a close range that his body was described as “mutilated.” His body was placed into a plain coffin and buried without ceremony in the yard of the church that had benefitted from his kindness two years earlier. Today a marker lies within the church, commemorating the spot where Murat’s remains are said to rest.

[Plaque marking Murat’s final resting place in San Giorgio church in Pizzo]

Caroline Murat had received no news of her husband’s whereabouts or well-being in months. Eight days after his execution, she wrote to Catherine, wife of her brother Jerome, that “this uncertainty is becoming unbearable.” Her older sister Elisa learned that Murat had ended up being apprehended in Calabria. Both sisters expressed the hope that he would be allowed to continue his journey from there to Trieste, but Caroline remained riddled with anxiety. “Oh, my dear Elisa,” she wrote, “loss of fortune seems nothing beside the agonies which oppress me and I would be happier completely destitute if I could thereby spare my husband and myself the cruel sufferings… until the hour when he can arrive and I can know him safe.”

The same day that Caroline wrote the letter above—November 2—news of her husband’s execution was printed in the Wiener Zeitung, the newspaper she had taken to reading daily since arriving in Trieste. Her servants endeavored to hide the paper, substituting another in its place; but she insisted on receiving it. It was yielded to her with reluctance. Catherine Davies, an Englishwoman who had served the Murats since 1804, describes the ensuing scene: “Upon reading the account of her husband’s melancholy death, she was attacked with violent fits which lasted until morning. The dear children were asleep, and knew nothing of their mother’s grief, nor of their own loss, till the following day, when seeing every one looking sad around them, Prince Lucien said to my late English companion, ‘Mimie, what is the matter, that you all wear such sorrowful faces: is papa dead?’ She replied she feared he was. At this moment, they all wept bitterly, for they were tenderly attached to their father, and he equally to them.”

While the Bourbon courts in France and Naples rejoiced at the news of Murat’s death, there were many who responded with horror, grief, and anger. General Guglielmo Pépé, who had come to love and admire Murat even in spite of his political differences with his former king, fell into this latter camp. “The tragical death of Joachim,” he writes, “plunged me into the deepest grief, which I only mastered after a long lapse of time: the whole country was horror-stricken by this sad event. Even to this day, when the inhabitants of Pizzo have occasion to travel the kingdom, they carefully conceal the place of their nativity, so great is the stigma it casts upon them.” Lord Byron, who had, years earlier, written a poem about Murat, likewise lamented the legendary cavalier’s sad fate. “Poor, dear Murat, what an end! …. His white plume used to be a rallying point in battle, like Henry IV’s. He refused a confessor and a bandage; so would neither suffer his soul or body to be bandaged.”

Napoleon, arriving on Saint Helena two days after the execution of his brother-in-law, did not receive news of it until months later. Writes Barry O’Meara, who briefly served as Napoleon’s physician on the island, “Some short time after his arrival at Longwood, I communicated to the Emperor the news of Murat’s death. He heard it with calmness, and immediately inquired if he had perished on the field of battle? At first I hesitated to tell him that his brother-in-law had been executed by military law. On his repeating the question, I informed him of the manner in which Murat had been put to death, to which he listened without any change of countenance.” This sangfroid was typical of Napoleon, who disdained outward displays of emotions (except for anger) in front of his subordinates. But his valet, Marchand, who had been with Napoleon longer and knew how to read him better, remarks in his memoirs that “This news had saddened him, and I heard him talking to Dr. O’Meara, which renewed this pain as he spoke. He said nothing of the King of Naples’ wrongs toward him, adding that to go down to Calabria with fifty men was the action of a madman, but those who had ordered his death were monsters.” General Gourgaud, in his diary, describes Napoleon, later in the evening after learning of Murat’s death, as “sad, preoccupied, plays mechanically with some coins during the reading. He suffers, we see it clearly.” Murat would remain a recurring subject of the Emperor’s conversation during his time on Saint Helena. His reflections on his brother-in-law were as conflicted as his feelings towards him had been throughout their relationship, ranging from fond reminiscences of Murat’s battlefield gallantry, to bitterness over his defection in 1814, to ridicule of his outlandish attire and poor judgment. He never ceased to regret Murat’s absence at Waterloo.

It is impossible to know for certain what Murat’s true intentions were as he began taking the road towards Monteleone prior to his arrest in Pizzo. He was indecisive by nature, but also stubborn. As appalling of a prospect as he found the idea of a life in exile in Austria, his desire to be reunited with his family was genuine; his children were never far from his mind. Yet equally abhorrent to him was the idea of living the rest of his life in a state of dishonor, having relinquished, without a fight, a throne he had never abdicated. The accounts of Galvani and Franceschetti both make it clear that his mind changed throughout the journey between Corsica and Calabria, his natural optimism and faith in himself repeatedly overriding the reality of the hopelessness of his original enterprise. Perhaps he truly had resolved to go on to Trieste by the time his party encountered Trentacapilli; if so, this only renders the outcome all the more tragic.

Some historians have theorized that his voyage to Pizzo was a deliberate act of suicide. This ignores not only his repeated insistences that he intended to join his family in Trieste, but also the resistance and attempt to avoid capture he made prior to his apprehension. If Murat was seeking death, he was not seeking it in the manner of a common criminal. He had been a soldier for his entire adult life, and would have preferred to die like one. Upon his return to Naples from his final defeat at Tolentino, where, like Ney at Waterloo, he appears to have been attempting to get himself killed, Murat dolefully remarked to Caroline that he had been unable to meet death.

“Thus,” writes his former aide-de-camp Macirone, “fortune was again adverse to courage, and the blood of a hero was permitted to be lawlessly, uselessly, and inhumanly shed, by a sovereign who had never been wronged by his victim. His death was ignominious only to his enemies. Those who had been his subjects will revere his memory. France may reproach it for the evils to which he unintentionally contributed… but when the book of truth shall be unfolded, it will appear that the errors of Murat were not errors of the heart.” It is as fitting an epitaph as that of Murat’s childhood friend Agar, the Count of Mosbourg, who devoted to him a monument listing his military exploits and achievements, closing with the declaration: “He knew how to conquer, he knew how to reign, he knew how to die.”

***

Sources:

-Atteridge, A. Hilliard. Joachim Murat: Marshal of France and King of Naples, 1911

-Bear, Joan. Caroline Murat, 1972

-Cole, Hubert. The Betrayers, 1972

-Colletta, Pietro, General. Histoire des six derniers mois de la vie de Joachim Murat, 1821

-Davies, Catherine. Eleven Years’ Residence in the Family of Murat, King of Naples, 1841

-Franceschetti, Dominique-César, General. Mémoires sur les événemens qui ont précédé la mort de Joachim Ier, Roi des Deux-Siciles, 1826

-Galvani, Mathieu. Mémoires sur les événemens qui ont précédé la mort de Joachim-Napoléon, Roi de Deux-Siciles, 1843

-Gourgaud, Gaspard, General. Sainte-Hélène - Journal Inedit de 1815 à 1818 en 2 volumes

-Macirone, Francis. Interesting Facts Relating to the Fall and Death of Joachim Murat, 1817

-Marchand, Louis-Joseph. In Napoleon's Shadow: The Memoirs of Louis-Joseph Marchand, Valet and Friend of the Emperor 1811–1821, 2018

-O’Meara, Barry Edward. Napoleon in exile, or, A voice from St. Helena, Vol 1, 1827

-Pépé, Guglielmo. Memoirs of General Pépé, Vol 2, 1846.

#the last days of Murat #Joachim Murat #Napoleon #Napoleon Bonaparte #Caroline Murat #Caroline Bonaparte #Lord Byron #history #19th century #1815 #today in history

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duhragonball · 6 years ago

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Dragon Ball Z 011

Hot damn! It’s time for Terror on Arlia! This is probably one of the best filler episodes ever. It’s like, the driver’s ed episode, the Goku vs. Pikkon fight, and this. I’m not sure how I’d rank them, but maybe I’ll work on that sometime later.

First off, some time has passed once again since the last episode. Now, Gohan is strong enough that the dinosaur that keeps attacking him is no longer a threat.

Gohan just calmly runs away from it, then jumps right before he runs into a boulder, and the dinosaur hits it instead.

Then he hacks off a piece of the dinosaur’s tail while it’s stunned. Again. Gohan’s apparently been doing this for a while now, and he warns the dinosaur that it’ll run out of tail at the rate they’re going. The message is simple: Don’t eat Gohan’s friends.

Gohan has also figured out how to make his own ki blasts, which is pretty high-level stuff. His ki may only be powerful enough to start a fire, but it’s way more than most of the other characters could have done at age four.

Meanwhile, Bulam, Krillin, and Yamcha are looking for Tien and Chiaotzu. Or maybe they’re just talking about looking for them now that they have Yamcha. I’m pretty sure the Gohan scenes are taking place over the course of several weeks, while these Z-Warrior scenes are supposed to be playing out over the course of a single day. Even if it really is taking this long to find Tien, why would Krillin and Yamcha be with her for the whole search? They’d be better off heading to Kami’s Lookout, so they can start training for the Saiyans.

Speaking of Tien, Launch is on the run from the cops for stealing a bunch of money for Tien.

She eludes the police with a grenade launcher.

So she escapes with the loot. Most of it anyway, a lot spilled out of the back while she was being chased.

But never mind that, here comes Vegeta. He and Nappa are on their way to Earth, and they set their space pods to put them in stasis for the year-long journey, but Vegeta programmed it to wake them up at a certain point along the way, so they could get out and stretch their legs.

Seems he found a planet along their course for Earth, and since the Saiyans conquer planets to sell for profit, he sees this as a way to make some nice profit on the side. This seems a bit out of character for Vegeta, given what we learn about him later on. I would think that the Planet Trade business is just something he puts up with until he can find a way to get out of it. So it’s not that he wouldn’t want to take a pit stop on the way to Earth, but I doubt it would be to score some extra cash.

Anyway, Nappa just wants to get out of the pod and move around a bit, so he’s up for anything.

And here’s the lucky planet they’re going to. It’s called Arlia, and it looks really crappy, even from a distance. There was an episode of Mythbusters where they tested the futility of polishing a turd, and it ended up with them making piles of dung into spheres. That’s what Arlia looks like.

The planet actually manages to look even worse up close. I don’t know if the boys meant to set down in a desolate area like this, but I always got the impression that most of the planet looks like this, so they didn’t have much choice. Vegeta concedes that they probably won’t find a buyer for Arlia after all. I figure this is the sort of planet a Space Trillionaire would buy, but only because he wants to feel like a Space Quadrillionaire.

Suddenly these big bug people show up. I don’t know why they’re so much bigger than Nappa, when the rest of the Arlians we see are not. There’s a lot we don’t know about the Arlians, and we’ll probably never know. They threaten to arrest the Saiyans and take them to King Moai.

Nappa’s eager to fight them, but Vegeta orders him to stand down for the moment, since he wants to see this Moai guy for himself. I guess he figures the planets’ leader would be in a more advance (read: valuable) location, which would give Vegeta a better idea of what Arlia has to offer.

Notable, this is the first indication of Saiyans using telepathy. Goku uses it later on, and we’ve already seen Master Roshi, Crane Hermit, Korin, and Kami use it, but it always seemed to be this mystical thing that only wise old martial artists could do. Oh yeah, and King Piccolo could telepathically communicate with his offspring.

I guess what I find interesting about this instance is that Vegeta uses it rather casually, when he could just as easily whisper to Nappa, or maybe use some nonverbal gesture to get his point across. The point here may be to indicate just how scary-powerful Vegeta is, but the thing about Vegeta is that anything we see him do can be applied to every other Saiyan character. If Master Roshi can read minds, it sort of stops there. If Vegeta can communicate telepathically, that means Nappa, Raditz, Goku, and Gohan can too, along with every other Saiyan character that hasn’t been introduced yet. Vegeta might be the only one who knows how at this point, but that’s just a matter of skill.

So here’s Moai’s stronghold, and guess what, it’s also a dump. I’m not complaining about the artwork, mind you. This scenery is breathtaking. The twin suns sort of make this look like a face, with the clouds forming a furrowed brow. It’s like the Arlians’ god is looking down on the castle, and he’s not happy with what he’s seeing.

Also, while Moai’s fortress looks moderately impessive, it’s surrounded by absolutely nothing. What happened on this planet? My guess is that it was ruined by centuries of war, but it’s also possible that the Arlians prefer it like this.

Vegeta and Nappa are taken to a dungeon, which looks like something from a Prince Valiant comic. This is the paradox of Arlia, because it looks like the Arlians are generally familiar with alien visitors, implying that they’ve been exposed to advanced technologies, but their own world is backward and medieval. They don’t even seem interested in the Saiyans’ ships or their scouters. And they lock them up behind a wooden gate. And why do they carry swords when they all seem to have some sort of red mouth laser?

While they wait, the Saiyans meet Atla, one of the native Arlians who’s been imprisoned by Moai. Well, “meet” may not be the right word. Atla just starts introducing himself and explaining the backstory while they stand silently and face in his general direction.

From Atla’s words, it sounds to me like Moai took over the planet fairly recently, perhaps after a long civil war that killed anyone more qualified to rule. Unconcerned with actually governing his people, Moai just does whatever he pleases, using his unlimited power to enforce his whims. So there’s a good chance that the planet looks like a dump because of his indifference.

I dig this sort of thing, because it reminds me of the decline of the Western Roman Empire, where the emperors eventually became little more than figureheads backed by strong military leaders. Over time, the Roman armies became supplemented by foreign mercenaries, until eventually the top generals were all foreign mercenaries, and eventually they just dispensed with the figureheads and started ruling Italy outright. I get the impression that the emperors didn’t particularly care that their domain was being usurped by outsiders, because as long as they were comfortable in their palaces then everything was fine.

There’s kind of a similar pattern in the Bible, where you see David and Solomon’s descendants slowly letting the Kingdom of Israel decline. Rehoboam’s arrogance caused the kingdom to split in two, and while there were a few good kings who embraced piety and reform, a lot of wicked kings abandoned the principles that made their reigns possible. They worshipped idols and did whatever they liked, and then eventually they found themselves surrounded by powerful enemies. The later kings were reduced to vassals, but they didn’t seem too concerned about that as long they got to sit in their palaces and pretend everything was okay.

Atla laments that now Moai is capturing space aliens on top of oppressing his own people, which suggests that Moai only sees his rule as a right to oppress other people for his own amusement.

I wrote about this episode some time back, comparing Arlia to Westeros from Game of Thrones, or A Song of Ice and Fire or whatever the hell it’s supposed to be called. I’ve never read the books because I need that time to liveblog anime, but everything I’ve heard about it suggests that the whole story is about some backwater planet full of medieval fantasy tropes, and all the leaders are corrupt, venal idiots who only stay in charge because they’re protected by bullshit laws and traditions, or because they’re better at the endless palace intrigue that goes on in the story. There’s one kingdom that was ruled by a Draco Malfoy clone, and another run by a guy who hunts naked women for sport, and I think some character keeps fetuses in jars for no apparent reason. I get the impression that a lot of the books is just George R.R. Martin trying to use shock value to pad things out. That and lore. If Tom Clancy and Howard Stern co-wrote Lord of the Rings, you might have something pretty similar to Game of Thrones.

What I’m trying to say here is that Moai seems to just sit around all day watching his subjects fight each other for his own amusment. He forced Atla’s betrothed, Lemlia, to be his queen (she’s the pink bug lady in the back), and he has soldiers just roaming the wastelands in search of new prisoners to mess with. His men captured real live space aliens and he’s like “Oh goody! Bring them before me, because I actually believe they’ll respect the idiotic rules that keep me in power.” I’m pretty sure this is exactly what King Draco Malfoy Clone would do in this situation.

He looks and talks and acts like a complete buffoon, and he’s just begging for some hero to come along and punch him in the mouthparts. Except Atla’s in the dungeon, and some other, more competent hero must have gotten killed off three books ago (cf. A Sleet of Testicles).

And this is what I love about this episode. Vegeta (along with Nappa, of course) are sort of being put into this role of traveling heroes who enter a tyrant’s domain and set things right. They’re certainly powerful enough to do it, but we already know that’s not what they’re here for.

Vegeta kills all the gladiators and informs Moai that he only let himself be captured just to get this close to the king. It astonishes me that Moai needs to have this explained to him. He’s so used to having his own way that it never dawned on him that anyone could use his arrogance against him.

Nappa strikes his classic pose and kills all the guards.

Then Moai summons an even bigger bug creature named Yedi. Nappa asks permission from Vegeta to handle this one, which I think is a nice touch.

Nappa rips off Yedi’s finger and licks the monster blood off his face. Nappa’s awesome. He’s just havin’ a good old time.

I forget why now, but rocks start falling, probably because Vegeta’s powers cause the ceiling to break apart. Moai takes cover behind his throne...

...but a rock ends up killing him anyway. I woudn’t think that’s a vital area, but what do I know about Arlian anatomy? It’s kind of fitting that Moai should die like this, in his own throne room/gladiator arena, cowering behind his throne. He thought it would protect him like it always had done in the past, but in the end he met a power that didn’t respect anything he had accomplished. The Saiyans ignored his royal robes and saw only a fool, and so he died a fool.

Atla shows up and praises the Saiyans or liberating his planet from Moai’s tyranny. You know, he could have followed them up here and helped out. They were all in the same cell, and Vegeta and Nappa destroyed the door and killed all the guards, so what took him so long?

The Saiyans just sort of look at him, and then they get back in their spaceships.

I’m not sure why they even bother flying across the surface. Maybe they’re still surveying the planet, but it’s a crappy planet no matter what angle you view it from. At last, Vegeta gives up and they head back into space.

But before they leave, he gets out of his ship and decides to leave a going-away present. How does Vegeta breathe in space? That’s one way you can tell which ones are filler scenes. They usually play faster and looser with this sort of thing.

On the surface, Atla and Lemlia are reunited at last, and it looks like everything’s going to be okay from now on, thanks to those two heroic aliens who...

LOL JK, Vegeta blew up the whole planet.

What’s so great about this is that Arlia kind of deserved to die. Not in the strictest narrative sense, but from a metanarrative viewpoint, it was just a really dumb planet. Any world that could fall under Moai’s rule probably didn’t have much longer to live anyway, and it’s almost like Vegeta put it out of it’s misery. I’m not suggesting any of this rationalizes Vegeta’s actions. This is a horrible, horrible crime, and Vegeta did it like it was nothing to him. He’s done far worse things with even less compunction.

Even so, he’s not Arlia’s villain, he’s Dragon Ball’s villain, so it’s just satisfying to watch him squash some crappy filler planet that had no redeeming value to the story. It’s like watching your favorite bad guy wrestler clobber your least favorite good guy wrestler.

And the narrator sums it up very neatly. This is what’s headed for Earth. The Saiyans destroyed Arlia like it was nothing, and what can Earth do to avoid a similar fate? Z stands for The End.

But not yet. Not yet.

#dragon ball #2019dbliveblog #vegeta #nappa #goku #launch #gohan #bulma #krillin #yamcha #moai #atla #lemlia #yedi #dragon ball z #saiyans saga

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shewhowantsmouseears · 5 years ago

Text

The Little Peach, Chapter Three

Notes: Big thanks to my amazing editor, Drucilla!

NGL, the onslaught of Ducktales has been very distracting. But I promise I'll see this Mickey story to the end! Also, this is only the beginning of so, so many anime/manga cliches. I mean them with love, I truly do.

Summary: With his home lost to the enemy, Mickey sets out on a journey to change his destiny. Elsewhere, the ruler of Japan issues her own challenge.

It was not accurate to say Mickey woke up still exhausted, as that would imply he slept at all that first night. When he and Donald returned home, Daisy had been so grateful they returned that she never noticed that what little emotional bond the men had was severed harshly. Mickey went to his room – the top shelf of Daisy's drawers – but did not sleep, could not sleep. While he had known for some time that Donald had felt that way toward him, actually hearing it made it more painful. There was nothing that could fix it – he never would be Donald's son. Donald would never see him as anything more than a burden, and wasn't he? All he'd done that night was get Donald injured.

Come the morning, Daisy opened the drawer to offer Mickey his birthday breakfast, but he declined. She assumed he was upset over the village now being owned by the Oni, and could hardly blame him. She decided that, perhaps, it would be best to hold off any celebrations until they felt a sense of hope again. Neither man had told her what actually happened that night, out of shame – and an accurate fear that Daisy would tear Donald to pieces. She allowed Mickey to wallow in solitude, and Mickey intended on wallowing for a very long time. But life was moving on without his say-so, and there were more important things to think about than self-pity.

Over the course of the day, Donald's injuries meant he could barely get out of bed, so Daisy went out to help clean up Grandma's farm. The fire had destroyed most of it, but the old woman was determined to restore it, and everyone in the village joined hands to help. Daisy didn't return home until night, and when she did, she opened the drawer to Mickey and cheerfully told him everything was fine, don't you worry, Mama would never let anything happen to you. She gave him his dinner and closed the drawer, in order to relay her real fears to Donald.

“How bad is it?” Donald asked, sitting on the bed, his arm in a clumsily-made sling. Occasionally he glanced at the drawer, and during the day had made efforts to go near it, but each and every time he gave up, though Mickey was oblivious to this.

“It's not as awful as we thought it would be,” Daisy attempted something like bravado, but Donald knew his wife well enough to see the strain in her eyes. Mickey could hear it too – he'd let his parents believe that the drawers blocked out all sound, when in reality he could hear every word. It was a mischievous lie as a child that grew into a necessary lie as an adult, as sometimes Mickey felt the only way he'd hear any truth was if they thought he'd never hear. “We can still come and go as we please...we aren't being captured and sold off like horses.”

“But.” Donald raised an eyebrow, knowing full well there was a “but” coming.

“But...” Daisy sighed, hanging her head. “They're demanding money and food from us daily. With each passing day that the princess doesn't hand over the Lucky Hammer to the Oni King, we're expected to give away more and more. At that rate, we'll all wind up starving in a month or two.”

“The princess won't surrender,” Donald cut in, but not out of malice or anger. This was a tone of deep respect, though she'd been born after he'd left the Emperor's side, so he'd never even seen her face. “The royal family must stay strong, if we're to defeat the Oni. The Emperor would never have a child that would back down!”

“That's all well and good for her, but what about us?” Daisy sat on the bed next to Donald, looking him over – she didn't expect his arm to get any better overnight, but it was still a depressing sight. “You said it yourself, they're torturing us in order to put pressure on her. If something isn't done, we might have to leave our village, our home! What will we do?”

Donald didn't answer, and Mickey didn't blame him. This was as hopeless a situation as one could get. Honor was a great and powerful thing, and no one wanted the princess to hand over the Lucky Hammer, and essentially all of Japan, over to the evil Oni King. But honor wasn't going to save anyone, and their village was down one powerful samurai. They needed all the help they could get, and Mickey was upset that he couldn't provide this. He wanted to keep his parents safe, and held no hate for the man he thought of as a father. Donald had only said the truth. If only there was a way he could, at least, provide Donald with some kind of pride and happiness. Maybe then Donald could think of a way they could save the day.

Mickey sat on his own bed – a sock with ripped fabric for sheets – and held his head in his hands. Was his father right, and that things couldn't change?

“Maybe the princess could use the Lucky Hammer to turn into a giant and squish them all,” Daisy said in an attempt at humor, resting her head on Donald's shoulder. “I've heard that she's very beautiful but also very small. They'd never see it coming.”

Donald chuckled weakly, his good arm around Daisy's shoulder. “Wouldn't that be nice...but a weapon that dangerous can't be used so easily. There were so many rules and restrictions about it... why, I never even saw it for myself. Maybe that's a good thing. I would've been tempted to add a few inches.”

Mickey quickly lifted his head.

“Hush, you're the right size, you always have been.” Daisy kissed Donald's cheek. “If you were too tall, you couldn't have carried me over the river when I lost my sandal.”

“I did fall in the river first,” he reminded her. “But I would have carried you all across the ocean if you only asked.”

While his parents fell into sickeningly sweet mushy memories of their courtship, Mickey's mind was elsewhere. The Lucky Hammer – why didn't he realize it sooner? If he had that, why, he could be as tall as any normal man his age! That would surely bring his father happiness and pride – and maybe he could teach Mickey proper swordsmanship, so they could fend off the Oni together! The idea excited him so much that he jumped out of bed – and hit his head. “Ow!”

Daisy turned her head, surprised. “Oh, dear. I've told him to be careful in there... I do want to celebrate his birthday soon. He's eighteen now, but it feels like just yesterday he came to us. You never did tell me what you got him as a present.”

Donald didn't reply, detaching himself from Daisy and crawling into bed. Daisy's voice went from sweet to sour within seconds. “You did get him a birthday present this year, didn't you?”

“He wouldn't want one from me – WAK!” That answer got him shoved out of bed, and he fell onto the floor with a thud.

“You don't get to share our bed unless you get our baby a present!” Daisy snapped, and then tucked herself into bed, throwing Donald a pillow – Mickey couldn't be sure if she threw it at him – before huffing. “Goodnight.”

“Good-ow-night.”

Mickey shook his head, trying to get rid of the pain as soon as possible. It wasn't too bad – his usual three-pronged headaches were much worse – but he wanted to get ready for what he was planning. In order to get the Lucky Hammer, he'd have to get to the princess, who lived in the palace, which was miles and miles and miles and miles away from the village, a place he'd never left. It'd take a long time for an ordinary person to get there, perhaps made shorter by horse or carriage, but Mickey had neither, and was as non-ordinary as you could get. Daisy would never allow it, so he'd have to leave in secret.

It would be a journey fraught with perilous dangers, ranging from deadly Oni to a person accidentally stepping on him. He had only the faintest idea of where to even start, and given his size, he couldn't pack much of anything. Every mile of this idea was threatening – and Mickey couldn't be delighted. A real hero's journey! The makings of a rogue samurai warrior! He'd have his own legend, just like his father! He'd bring his family honor!

He waited until he heard Donald snoring, and climbed out the back of the dresser. He could only afford to carry a few things, so he made quick choices – his mother's sewing needle for a blade, and the “bedsheets” would carry what food he could bring – cuttings of bread and cheese from the kitchen. With that tied around his neck and hanging off his back, he returned to the bedroom to make his goodbyes. He climbed into his mother's bed, and gently kissed her cheek, apologizing for the worry he'd no doubt give her.

He then turned toward his father, who snoozed away on the floor, and bowed deeply to him.

“This I vow,” he said quietly, “I will not return until I am a man you would call your son.” No matter how long it took, no matter the danger – once a samurai gave their word, it could only be broken by death.

With a deep breath, Mickey left the bedroom, made it to the first window he saw, and climbed down into the grass that was taller than he was. The night was full of brightly shining stars, and for now they would have to be his guide. He took his first step, hesitated, looked back at his house, and then walked forward again. All right, so he was a little nervous. Perhaps a little scared. But in order not to be little anything anymore, he would have to push on and let nothing stop him.

There was of course one more matter to consider – convincing the princess to let him use it. Yet Mickey didn't see this as any great obstacle. After all, he was in a very unique position! He'd never heard of anyone small as he was, and it wasn't as if he was asking to be made as tall as a mountain. He only needed to borrow it for a moment, and then he'd return it, and all would be well. Surely the Princess would understand – why, once she saw him, she'd know what he'd want immediately!

He'd never heard much about her, even in his mother's tales – supposedly the young woman was around his age, never left the palace due to the Oni King's attacks, and she was pretty. That was about all he knew, and he figured it was enough. Her father, the Emperor, had been a wise, vitreous, and noble man, one Donald had been honored to serve. Donald even got along with his fellow samurai, and they were all one big, happy family. Certainly his daughter would be the same way, as Mickey wanted to be the same way as his father.

And so Mickey set off on his journey, head held high, dreaming of the day when he would be Donald's real son, and a real man on his own. The princess would help him out – a wise and powerful woman like that, who held rule over all of Japan, surely could be compassionate and logical as well. How could she not be?

~*~

At that same time, there was another young man who was thinking the same as Mickey – that the young woman before him would be wise, worldly, and able to help all. Their meeting was almost over, as the hour ran late. Yet there was one subject on which she would not budge, no matter how high the moon was in the sky.

“I will send provisions to the north, but they must take the mountain path,” the princess answered, sitting on her throne, her gorgeous kimono covering her feet and floor like and endless ocean of blues and grays. Though she was using a wooden fan to cover her mouth, her demure voice came through clearly, without hesitation or pause. Her thick white make-up allowed her sapphire eyes to shine even brighter, cutting through air like the sharpest blade. “It will be difficult for the Oni to ambush them this way. Even so, prepare them with archers – we mustn't let a single grain of rice be taken. Once it has been delivered, I want a full report on the south.”

“Yes, my lady,” the man replied, trying to keep his head respectfully bowed and low. Yet for the next question, he couldn't help but glance at her. “But... ah... I don't supposed... you've considered my proposal...?”

Snap. The fan was shut instantly with a harsh noise, and her lady-in-waiting at her side visibly winced. “My people continue to suffer under the wrath of the treacherous Oni King. Their fields burn, their livelihood stolen, and with each passing day, my father's legacy is either tainted or forgotten. And you think I have the time to consider something like marriage?”

The man yelped, and tried to get to his feet, stumbling. “I-I meant no disrespect, my lady! I just – I thought – your father said - ”

“I am fully aware of what my father said. I was at his bedside when he passed.” Her cobalt glare now made the calm sea of her dress turn into a raging storm that would drown anyone who came nearby. “Do you think you know my father's wishes, more than his own daughter would? Do you think so little of us both? We, who are Japan's very soul? Do you have no love for your own land?”

Had the young man not been so afraid of upsetting the princess any further, he might have noticed the lady-in-waiting rolling her eyes. “No, no! I do! I – that was – I'll see myself out!” He scrambled to get to the doorway, nearly knocking over her second most trusted guard on the way out.

The guard whistled, impressed by the man's speed. “Gwarsh... everyone's in a real hurry these days! Why do you think that is?” he asked the man with him, the princess' third most trusted guard.

“You know what they say, goof. Get busy livin', or get busy dyin'!”

The lady-in-waiting waiting grumbled, helping the princess off her throne – it was tall, and she was small, so it was always a process. “That was the fifth suitor this month you've chased off! You can't keep this up forever!”

The princess calmly walked forward once she was on solid ground. “I've made my demands clear, Clarabelle. Besides, didn't you hear a single word I said to him? All of it was true.”

“Sure, it was true,” Clarabelle crossed her arms, “But they ain't the real reason you don't wanna get hitched, and we all know it. A husband would help you through these tough times! You can't do this all on your own, things are getting worse by the day! It's too much of a burden!” She followed along, and both guards bowed deeply as the Princess passed. “I worry for you, my lady! I truly do!”

The number one most trusted guard was waiting for at the end of the hallway, and he smiled pleasantly as she approached, gesturing to the door beside him as he bowed. “The delivery has arrived, princess. As always, I made sure it went right to your room.” When he straightened up, he gave a little wink to Clarabelle, always flirtatious even when the situation was beyond appropriate. “Why must you worry so, Lady Clarabelle? It's a sin to the world to see such a lovely face frown.”

“I got plenty to frown about, and you're not helping.” Clarabelle huffed, sticking her finger right on the guard's small beak, pushing him back slightly. “She just had a delivery a week ago! You're encouraging a bad habit!”

The guard merely blinked at her, not intimidated. “She is the princess! We have sworn to obey her every order. Goofy, Pete, you agree, yes?”

“Every single order!” said Goofy with a salute, though he did it so hard he hit his head with his hand, and he wobbled backwards dizzily.

“No matter how crazy it is,” Pete added, side-stepping away from Goofy's problem.

The princess ignored all the rabble, sliding her door open, and snapping her fan shut. “I'd like not to be disturbed for an hour. Have the next delegate for the countryside ready for me.”

“Oh, no you don't!” Clarabelle made a grab for the princess' shoulder, but she was too slow. “My lady, don't make me beg! You need a husband, and you need one pronto!”

“And I've told you time and time again...” The princess walked right up to the delivery – which was a mountain of books, three times bigger than she was. She whipped out the closest one, and stabbed the cover with her finger repeatedly – within her room and with those she trusted, she allowed her real personality to flourish.

“I'm not going to marry anyone who isn't exactly like Sir Sakura from Doki Doki Melody Springtime: Love's Sweetest Singing Song!”

With that, she sat on the floor, giggling wildly as she flipped through the book, squealing at the illustrations and holding them up to the sky. “Finally, volumes sixteen through thirty-four! I can't wait to catch up!” This was an opulent room, full of treasure, silks and other beauties – although it was difficult to know this, given how most of the room was now covered in similarly illustrated books, including her bed, and fit to burst from her closet. One good gust of wind would probably send those stacks of books falling and crushing anyone beneath it.

“Last I checked, buying the first one was your idea, Lady Clarabelle,” the most trusted guard reminded her with an amused smirk, leaning on the doorway.

“I thought it would cheer her up after her father died!” Clarabelle protested with clenched fists at her side. “How was I supposed to know she'd get so darn obsessed with it? Who would spend all their time and energy devoting themselves to stories about girls with giant sparkly eyes and fights that last three hundred pages without doing a thing?” She was tempted to go inside to try and wrestle the princess back out, but she feared doing so would start a chain reaction that would send all the books collapsing. “My lady, Sir Sakura isn't real!”

“He's real to me!” The princess whined, holding the book tenderly to her chest. “He's kind, and thoughtful, and brave, and clever, and I will not settle for any man who isn't exactly like him, down to the last detail!”

“Guess that means he better only be a couple of inches tall, too,” Pete snickered, jabbing Goofy with his elbow, only to grow frustrated when Goofy didn't get the joke. “Cause he's on paper, you dope!”

“You need to pick a real flesh and blood husband!” Clarabelle yelled, even while knowing she was being ignored in favor of fictional exploits. “I don't care who it is anymore, even a commoner will do! I'd be okay with you marrying the first man who walks into the door! Here, marry Pete!” She yanked Pete over by the arm and tried to get him into the room. “Just marry somebody!”

Pete grabbed the doorway with his hands so he wouldn't be pushed in any further. “I'm not going in there, those books will bury me alive!” He then put a hand to the side of his mouth, trying and failing to keep a whisper private. “Not that I'd be opposed to bein' your husband, princess, if you wanna think about it.”

But she wasn't thinking about it, or about anyone else anymore. No, the princess was in another world now, where a handsome wandering soldier was pledging his loyalty to his fair beloved, vowing to be by her side no matter what troubles came their way. The hero of these novels always did right, always saved the day, and always cured his lady of any heartache. How could anyone settle for less than that? He was flawless, utterly flawless! How was the princess supposed to be content in a marriage if they couldn't be half the man Sir Sakura was?

If she married someone inferior, she'd be miserable, and a miserable ruler would make for a miserable land. Japan was great and vast, so was it really so impossible to think there wasn't a single, solitary man that was exactly like her fictional favorite? There must be! And she'd wait until the end of time to be with him. Then she'd feel like the characters did in the book – her heart racing, her face warm, her body aching in a good way! That last part always confused her, though. Aches were painful, and she had enough stubs to her toe to know that for sure. So how could an ache be a good thing?

Well, no matter – once she fell in love, she'd understand it all at once. If anything, these books were practice for the real thing. Once she met her real-world Sir Sakura, she had several ideas on how to ensure a proper relationship – like bumping into him around a corner with bread in her mouth, or falling down in just the right way so that when he fell on top of her their lips would meet without their noses bonking somehow. Then she'd have that wonderful, glittery, sparkling feeling, and she'd never be sad again.

“Oh, just let her enjoy herself.” The trusted guard gently began to lead the others away from the door, sliding it shut quietly with one hand. “She's still young, and a young lady in love is a precious flower that must be handled delicately.”

“What do you know about love?” Clarabelle slammed a hand on his helmet, forcing it down so hard that one of his feathers was roughly scraped off. “You go out with a new girl every day! If the princess becomes anything like you, I swear I'll burn all those books and have a great big bonfire for all of Japan!”

Goofy lifted his head. “Oh, can I bring potatoes? I love roasted potatoes.” His helmet was slammed next, and his long ears got stuck inside it.

Pete swiftly decided to excuse himself before he became victim number three. “Maybe we should go back on guard duty. Never know when those smart Oni might come back to cause us some trouble. And remember, you two!” He lowered his voice, eyes dark. “No one must know that the Oni King is in hiding.”

“Secret's safe with me, Pete,” Goofy said, still trying to free himself from his helmet. “Don't think anyone outside of the castle knows that anyhow.”

“It'd scare our people down to the core,” said the bird, readjusting his helmet so he wouldn't lose anymore feathers. “Knowing that the Oni King can still somehow order his people around without being seen. Whatever he's doing, whatever he's plotting, we have to be ready for it. The princess and the Lucky Hammer must never get into his hands!”

Clarabelle glanced back at the room, sighing but not saying another word as the guards left with new resolve. Perhaps the princess spent so much time in the fantasy world because the real one was so much trouble. Even she, the lady-in-waiting and one of the princess' most devoted allies, had no idea where the Lucky Hammer was hidden. Not for lack of trying – why, it was a mere matter of curiosity, and no one could be blamed for trying to find it when they first started working in the castle. She remembered Pete spent three times as long as most newcomers trying to find any clues when he first joined a year ago, and he was incredibly sour when he had to give up, since it was cutting into his actual duties.

Very, very slowly, as though not to be heard, she slid the door open a crack to peek inside. The princess was still reading, sighing dreamily as she turned the page to the next development. One day that girl would find out love wasn't so black and white – literally – but it wasn't going to be today. The princess wasn't a bad person, but she certainly could use some guidance. Deep down, there was wisdom in her, the same wisdom that her father used to rule over the land. It just needed to be brought out.

The princess finished the volume, and proceeded to pull out the next book from the pile – which resulted in it falling on top of her, covering her in paper. She let out an “Eek!” and wiggled under the remains, reminding Clarabelle of a turtle on its back that couldn't get up. “Nooo! The spines are going to be bent! Help! Helllp!”

Clarabelle rubbed her temples. “Maybe I would let her marry someone a few inches tall.”

#disney #fanfic #the little peach #mickey mouse #minnie mouse #donald duck #daisy duck #clarabelle cow #goofy

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