#men depression selfhelp relationships

[recklesslyconscious]

(not changing names)

First thing... sorry for the spelling and grammatical errors im not perfct and dont have the paitience or following to proof read.

As im sure many of us deal with but never express the bridesmaid syndrome, i do so much work so hard towards an end goal yet will always be second in line. 2021 i was a doormat, a door knob, hell the door that closes for the other one to open. I consumed myself with different love interest, disguised myself to be whoever i thought would please them, i did what in my chaotic mind thought was right, granted all wrong, and yet still came up short. Faked an orgasm or 50 just so he’d think i was satisfied, lied about love just to keep one around, hell i lowered myself to a woman id never even speak to  all for some preconceived idea that hes the one. 

So i started the year off dating ronnie (if thats even his real name if you can even call it dating) but the story behnd him deserves a lifetime move and we dont have that kinda time but after ten months of waiting for me, a three day cash app arguement, and some iight sex, i realized i deserved more. i started to look like a joke and fast but dont you worry i was cheating THE WHOLE TIME. Honestly i might give this lil pomerainian (Panamanian) his own post. 3/10

On my birthday i met my husband Phil yall i dont know if its my daddy issues the henny or the fact hes missing like 7 teeth but i love phil. Hes maybe one of the most genuine men of the year i so bad at realizing who really likes me i let him slip away but hes never to far, and from time to time the occasional bang. 710

Yallllll i had a pimp on my trail, for the sake of my safety we will refer to him as the pimp. Ofcourse i met him at the strip club but i toke his number we went on a few dates, and then he introduced me to people and it was cool i guess.  I already knew hewanted this fne bbw amazon for something more then companionship and i found out he knw people i thought were my people so i ghosted him for my safety. EHHHHH 5/10

THE SERAL TRANNY RAPIST,AKA MILS,AKA RAMILES,AKA the worst fucking choice i ever made in my life he was the sum beneath my shoes. This guy hits on me at a bar ofcourse i go for it bring him home, keep him here the next day, go to eat with him, bring him to my job, just the fucking most.Im head ver heals for this guy see him every weekend for like a month. Cat comes out the bag he has a pregnant girfriend who he lives with in her grandmothers motel two cities away he like to do obscure things and it was definely an eye opener i needed to chill out lets say that. -9000/10.

Yo honestly i dont know what i did with christian but he ghosted me. damn near had the best dick in the world on him but that was his only good quality to me.

CHJ is and will forever just be my lil baby i dont care how many times we fall out how long we dont talk its on sight and thats on gang

Blame it on the henny...... javi, you i dont know but 260 crew just do something to me besides get me faded 

I went in for the three pointer with this guy at the gas station one day litto and hey its twerking here and there and hes pretty cool... lets see how i fuck this one up 

THE MOST HONORABLE this man here getting his own post im not even going into it the love of my life the alpha the don he aint shit and its amazing T mother fucking J

My neighbor who love cheating on his girl friend and he ate my box (next time dont come for my dog) i can careless bout this one his brother a jugg and he just weird. but i wont say your name outta respect or whatttevvverrrrrr

welp thats it folks these them lets make 2022 more memorable. honestly writing it out help me realize i was giving to much of my self to all these men. I let all these men take a piece of me and none of them filled the void. its crazy to look back at the mistakes and how they really changed my outlook on men. it wasnt all bad have some good memories just hope i finally learn from my mistakes

[aestheticritique]

For young men (Part 1)

In my latest lockdown induced depressive episode I have been meeting some new people online. They are all young, male, mostly heterosexual, very nice and extremely considerate. However, they also are often afraid becoming a burden, insecure in their appearance or social skills, and often struggling with mental health. Given this, they are also usually extremely afraid of never finding themselves having sex or getting into a meaningful relationship in the late stage neoliberal capitalist dystopia we find ourselves in. To be honest I didn’t understand them at first, especially their obsession with sex. But the more I am thinking about it, the more I realize that we are united in the same dynamic of seeing sex or love as magic verfication of... What?

Growing up, I used hookups as a way to prove to myself that I am worth something. I thought that my value was defined by men’s desire. I originally in writing this wanted to show my perspective from the other side of the same coin, but after realizing how much of an undertaking that would be, I decided to start with the two most common answers from men used as justification to why they think they won’t get laid. These are things I find will help these kinds of people out, but as a great thinker once said...

“I can’t mom you through this one, boys. You are on your own.” - Contrapoints

(I link songs I like through out btw, the underlined text are links you can click on)

Foreword: Social factors

The average age of first intercourse has been rising in the US. Teenagers have less sex than ever before. These changes will affect you. In teen movies and shows charakters often experiment with sexuality before the age of 18. Everything else is played as an abnormality. If we compare ourselves to this misrepresentation of teenage sexuality, of course we seem like the losers.

“The proportion of young people who have had sexual intercourse increases rapidly as they age through adolescence”. It’s very likely, at least from my view, that you are just going to grow out of the awkward zone of wanting intimacy but not getting it. Just like you grew out of other things, such as bad musical taste or that one gaudy outfit. Don’t stress over this one specifically either.

Adolescence is weird for all of us. Even if your first encounter is after college, let’s be real here: having such a good thing in your own place without your parents looming or having to share your room with a roommate you barely know is so much better anyway.

The Ugly fuck too

A common answer to my question why they think that they will never have sex is that they are “unattractive”. The implication being, that sex is the prize for looking a certain way.

But is it? We are so used to the perfect, porn-ready bodies in the media that we forget that the Ugly fuck too. We never see the foldes of fat and skin, never see acne warriors or moles, never see people who actually look like us.

In the movie “The Parasite”, there is a scene where the husband of Gook Moon-gwang, the former housekeeper, is implied to have sex. (the clip, starts at 3:00) It gave me weird feelings of discomfort, as the illusion so stereotypically found on the silver screen was not present. These two characters are not pretty. They look old. She is fat and he is a balding skeleton. They are not special, and that’s okay.

Being fuckable does not equal beauty. Being fuckable does not equal beauty. It was a terrifying thought initially for someone like me who defined their value over beauty & their beauty as being fuckable. It might also be a scary thought for someone who doesn’t think that they deserve love and intimacy because of their looks. I promise you that you still deserve love! Sex did not cure my problems with my appearance, or the fact that I based my self-esteem on the way I look. It will not make you feel normal. It will not make you feel better, prove your worth or even give you more self esteem in the long term beyond the initial rush of dopamine. It is not a caravan to fulfillment.

Beauty is a concept that is based on exclusion. Allow yourself to feel the pain of being excluded, of not reaching the impossible beauty standards and the disadvantages that come with it. Allow yourself to feel the fear of not being “man enough” and be happy in spite of it.

“Patriarchal masculinity teaches us to control our pain, but it can block us from experiencing the grief that is part of a full life. Chasing pleasure and controlling pain is patriarchal. Opening ourselves up to joy and grief is to be fully human.”

”Those of us in that skinny nerd category are especially prone to thinking that we aren’t “man enough.” [..] But the more I talked to men, the more convinced I became that almost all men at some point in their lives don’t feel man enough. Even the men I thought were the “real men” were scared.

That’s not surprising. Masculinity in patriarchy—that is, masculinity in a system of institutionalized male dominance—trains men to be competitive, in pursuit of conquest, which leads to routine confrontation, with the goal of always being in control of oneself and others. But no matter how intensely competitive one is, no matter how complete the conquest, no matter how many successful confrontations, and no matter how much one stays in control—men are haunted by the fear that they aren’t man enough, that they can never stop proving their masculinity.” - Robert Jensen

Stop comparing your appearance to other men’s. Start talking and bonding with them over your undoubtably shared insecurities rooted in society’s relentless toxic masculinity. Unlearning the things you’ve been indoctrinated into since conception is damn hard. I am still in the middle of it personally, but I promise you it is worth it. It will improve not only your relationships with other men, but also with yourself and that one girl you’re pining after.

There are a ton of resources targeted at women about self acceptance, but not many for men. Robert Jenson comes from a tradition of critical men’s groups. Even though I don’t agree with him on everything, he manages to scare most men (especially the kind I mentioned in the first paragraph) to their core, but also improves their lives drastically with his kindness and radical ideas. I implore you to look him up, and try your best to keep an open mind.

“A person who functions normally in a sick society is themselve sick.”

The other most common answer  to the initial question was ���being socially maladjusted”, implying that sex is something you earn by behaving a certain way. It is ingrained in the way we talk about love. “Deserving love” is the best example. Neither love nor sex is a product of work. Love and intimacy are a lot like sleep. It is a slow but unconscious process. You slowly work into it, with no idea of what comes next, and then, after an agonizingly long moment, you’re there. The fall is not often expected or easy, is always exhilarating, but never the product of conformity to anything except comfort with who you are.

I do acknowledge that social settings can be weird, existentially unsettling, and full of unseen complexities. This is especially true if you are neurodivergent and / or struggling with mental health.  Being neurodivergent or struggling with mental health goes against the impossible, hegemonically masculine standard of always being in controll. It’s a common cause behind feelings of emasculation. Disregard that feeling, and remember that you deserve love, no matter how manly you are or are not, no matter how you behave.

Learning social settings are lot like learning to skate. In the beginning you will be covered in bruises, but with enough effort, you will be better at it. The chance of mistakes will get lower, but never zero. You will always have awkward situations, but that doesn’t mean that you are bad at them. It just means that you have room to improve still. Maybe consider getting lessons or joining a skate crew.

We tend to hyperfocus on the accidents. Think about how many nice conversations you had over the internet, text or otherwise. I ask you to value them. Value these positive experiences, value your friendships and acquaintances, value the people supporting you, online and offline. We tend to hyperfocus on meaningfull longterm friendships, just like we hyperfocus on love. Value your social enviroment, value someone who just made you feel ok for a moment. You are socially adapted, because you have a social enviroment you feel comfortable in, where you have relationships with people. The depth of a relationship is not messured by time, nor by physical touch. Being mindful of your feelings for the people around you can make you realize that you are less alone than you thought.

Some Tips

If you want to make friends additionally to that, here are some tips from someone, who is bad at social clues:

Join a group with a common interest or struggle: Book clubs, activist groups, selfhelp groups, they are great settings to meet new people and you already have a topic to talk about :)

If you feel save about it: Being open about your issues can help other people adapt to you and understand you better - especially in early on in relationships.

People sitting at the bar or smoking outside are generally more open for conversation

Don’t be afraid of getting rejected: They don’t reject you, when they reject a conversation with you. The reasons people don’t want to talk to you is very diverse. Stay respectful and polite.

Don’t expect to much: No one owes you a long conversation. A smalltalk is perfectly fine.

Learn to make compliments casually and learn to compliments that aren’t based on appearance.

Find a common ground (politically, a interest ect.) and talk about it

Take a improv class, seriously TAKE A IMPROV CLASS! (there are online ones, and sometimes it’s even free)

Here are some youtube videos by Anna Akana with more tips. (1) conversations, (2) how to be a better friend, (3) overthinking

Here are is a piece about being bad at relationship I liked.

Footnote: Trophies and muses

“We do not want to do the work of helping you to believe in your humanity. We cannot do it anymore. We have always tried. We have been repaid with systematic exploitation and systematic abuse. You are going to have to do this yourselves from now on and you know it.” - Andrea Dowkin

Behind the whole obsession with sex is often a distorted perception of women. Just remind yourself that women are human? Access to female bodies is not a human right. We are not trophies to push your ego. We are not there to inspire you or heal you. We are humans with agency. We desire love and being loved, just like everyone else.

I am tired, but I believe in your humanity...

xoxo,

aestheticritique

[coachmichelamone]

I often meet men that when I tell them what I do they cringe... "Here we go another woman teaching empowerment." I always laugh and then I let them know I coach men too. Because ANYONE, male or female that cringed at the thought of ANYONE being put in position to be placed back into the power they were innately born with... Also needs healing. I am a TRANSFORMATION coach that does work to transform the lives I encounter... Female AND male. Although my business is called THE CORE WOMAN ACADEMY its premise is to heal the CORE of this world... And that's women... As well as healing everything and everyone around her because it's a community thang! If you need to be healed from depression, heartache, baggage, fear and the inability to get unstuck. Make an appointment by clicking the BOOK button in my profile or going to https://thecorewoman.as.me #coaching #confidence #relationships #communication #selfcare #marriage #emotions #love #destiny #selfhelp #invest #restoration #power #living #selfesteem #selfworth #knowthyself #transformations #trust #rejection #strategies #single #livinglife #Relationships #2019 #forgiveness #livinglife #divorce #wives #FUELUP https://www.instagram.com/p/B5C8wABly33/?igshid=qxj0kyvfk5om

[aidanavo]

Summary of my thoughts today:⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ (How it Felt Living In 3rd Person) & Overcoming and growing after ⠀⠀⠀ We all handle life events differently.⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ This happened for a few months from extreme thinking and being anxious about a certain situation I wasn't sure how I was going to handle at the moment. ⠀⠀⠀ Almost as if my mind thought it self into a tangled cloud. I was in control but there is a cloud between me and my "normal right mind and body" ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ The only way I can explain what I was feeling for a few months. It was very similar to how they portrayed it in last episode of Black Mirror or the Get out movie but not quite exactly. Seriously smh. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ My reaction in things like conversations became slow and not as aware.⠀⠀⠀ This was not a feeling normal depression because I would handle all of my  task and  do the same stuff as always. The crazy thing would be only 70% of me would be present . I wanted to explain this a bit I'm 👌🏾 now just wanted to share. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ If you have something like this going on just want to let you know you have to relax and release yourself from distractions and focus on what the actual issue. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ Confronting it so you can stop thinking about it and using your mental energy . Whether it is a small situation like a career or a life changing situation having to do with yourself or  relationships. ⠀⠀⠀ This will make you happier feeling present in the moment again. With no anxious thoughts or concerns. Almost like a weight leaving your body and mind. You If have any questions about this.. you felt like you need to talk about something similar.. or if I was unclear just message me or call me. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I wrote a very very long caption. It was more like a blog. So I didn't post it all. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀#mindset #believeinyourself #goals #leadership #fitnessmotivation #depression #lifequotes #results#hardwork#weightloss #fitness #vegan#mentally #lessonlearned #believe#men#selfhelp#business#bookstagram #quote#mentalhealth #happy#grind#mind

[recklesslyconscious]

why on earth would i not want it to be 2022

Its been a minute since ive decided to write but with the year ending, im starting to feel a overwhelming feeling of just letting it out. the disappointments the heartbreaks the pain the tears the scars but there was some laughs some solomn memeories that i will cherish forever 

2021 high key was the most eye opening year i can say i was probably at the lowest point in my earthly existence i’ve tripped and fell and landed on the south side of hell sucking demon dicks. Made the poorest of choices, trusted the shittiest of people, gave my light to the scum of the earth and hopefuly ive learned my lessons. 

Anyway the next 10 days ive decided to share open up and just own up to my year my crazy and maybe if i read it ill learn from it. This is more for me. so in these next ten post ill discuss Men, Relationships, Friendships, Growth, Pride, Choice, My dyer need to find love, Guilt, Depression, and what ever else i can think of. Lets just dive in its not all bad but trust me when i say shit wasnt sweet