#memory vs reality

[rubywingsracing]

POV: your prof gives you a platform to infodump for 10 minutes on something that informs your art/practice

She’s fr gonna regret it cuz there’s no way I can talk abt all four of these in 10 min and yes I MUST talk abt all four

I could make a whole presentation analyzing Dark alone

[thequeenintheeast]

I really loved season 1 esp. with Daniel’s reminders to Louis of how you remember it might not be what it was.

I’m looking forward to getting a full real picture of Lestat when i see him end of season 2.

[pippinscribs]

Day 4 - favourite arc / post-canon / healing

‘’You never left Sam. You’re still in the cage with me.’

[grntaire]

1.01 vs. 2.08. in case any of you were having a good day

[aelitaslittlereminders]

Was it a Trap? - An Aelita fanfic

I did not rewatch the episode this is based on so went off of several years old memory. Why did I feel compelled to write this? Will I post it on Ao3? Dunno. Anyway, enjoy!

Was it a trap? Probably. 

In fact I was 90% certain this was a trap. But just in case we were in the universe that fell into that 10% I had to check.

“See you in a minute, my dear.” The last words he spoke to me on Earth. They stared back at me as text on a now glitching screen.

90% chance Xana was using my emotions to manipulate me.

10% chance I got to see my father again.

I got up and walked to the factory. 

It was cold out. I didn’t really get where the idea of cold being “biting” came from but it sure did sting a little. I realized, partway out the door, that I forgot my coat in my hurry. Oops. It was fine. I could deal with it.

Everyone was going to have such a nice time on their winter breaks, with their families, and… Well, anyways, it made the campus very quiet. I could hear my footsteps echoing out, like I was doing something wrong and I was going to get caught. I actually looked over my shoulder a few times to make sure Jim, or, for some reason, Jeremie, wasn’t around to catch me.

I could handle myself. I could do things on my own. I wasn’t going to bother them.

If that message was the real deal, there wasn’t much time. It was risky to send a communication like that. That was the sort of thing Xana would find and use to track dad down. Into the sewer, into the factory, delayed virtualization and into the inviting scanner.

This was a bad idea. This was probably a trap. I had to do it anyway.

I landed on Lyoko. Ice sector. It had been…quite a while since I’d been here alone. The time I called this place my one and only home felt so far away. As I approached the coordinates I was given, nostalgia of things both remembered and not wracked my brain.

Any second, I expected Jeremie to get on his headset and tell me to turn back, that I was being stupid. I found myself looking over my shoulders more than usual, in case any of the others virtualized here to come after me. And to see if any monsters were around, of course.

No monsters, no friends.

But just ahead, the simulation bubble. I slowed to a stop just short of the bubble’s threshold. There was a lot of vulnerability in stepping into a simulation bubble. You let someone else hijack your senses and decide what it is you experience.

It was ok. I had my wits. I had my exit strategy. It was going to be ok. It was going to really be him.

A new sensation of anxiety. I’d been thinking so hard about “what if it isn’t really him” that I didn’t consider “what if it actually is him?” The idea of my father, the memories of him…what I saw in his video diary. They painted a very strange picture. Of course I wanted to see him…I wanted to see who I remembered. Would he be that? Was I the person he wanted to see?

Would we both just end up disappointed?

I stepped inside.

Snow. The cabin in the mountains where I grew up, before mom…yeah. I looked behind me. I knew there was a wall, but right now it just looked like a continuation of a snowy path. Ahead was the cabin. The snow crunched under my feet with uncomfortable accuracy, and my footprints stayed put as I plodded on toward the cabin.

The music floated toward me, the same song that played on my computer, along with the message to come here. My heart rate spiked, why could I feel my heart here? I broke into a run and flung the door open. I couldn’t help myself. Daddy!

He sat at the piano, back to me, like in so many of my nightmares. He finished the measure and turned, disturbed by the noise. We looked at each other for a moment, and then a warm smile spread across his face and he crossed the room to embrace me.

I froze, for a moment, my breath caught in my throat. Then I melted, I hugged him back and felt tears streaming down my face. That was being simulated, too? After what felt like a long time, but not long enough, he pulled back, hands on my shoulders, and took a long look at me.

“We have much to discuss, my dear.”

“We do.” Of course. This was. We had to discuss strategy while the opportunity presented itself. We couldn’t just. We couldn’t just spend time together.

“Please, take a seat. I made some hot chocolate. Your favorite, if I remember correctly.”

“Yes, that’s right. Thank you.” I managed a smile and sat on the soft white couch where she once sat, and flashes of memory lit up my synapses. Christmas presents, playing the piano, late nights waiting up for dad to come home, early mornings seeing him off with a hug and a cup of coffee and…

Well.

There weren’t a lot of good memories to remember. The ones that really stood out were the bad ones, the big dramatic ones. Most of the other stuff was just…gone.

“Aelita?” dad asked, jolting me out of my thoughts.

“Yes?”

“You seemed distracted.” He handed me a mug of hot chocolate. I took a sip. It was strange, it wasn’t the taste of hot chocolate, but the memory of the taste. I guessed it was too hard to simulate taste dynamically.

“There’s a lot. Do you mind if I ask before we…talk strategy, are you alright?”

Daddy took a pause, holding his own mug in his hands. Like he was trying to decide how he wanted to answer that question.

“Xana is a dangerous and crafty enemy. It takes all of my intellect just to stay alive. I’m as alright as one can be in that situation. But seeing you, in front of me, alive and safe, is a weight off my shoulders.” I shifted my weight uncomfortably. “Are you alright?”

“I’m about the same.” I said, but then perked up a little. “But! I have my friends. We help each other a lot. Oh, speaking of friends. William-”

“Yes, your friend William. It’s a real shame, what happened to him. How goes your progress in recovering him?”

“Well, right now we’re using our virtual submarine the Skidbladnir to try and track down his location in the digital sea.” I smiled, I was sure he would appreciate that we named the ship after a precious memory.

“The Skidbladnir. What a strange name.” he mused. My heart sank.

“It’s the name of the mythical ship you used to read me stories about.”

“Ah, yes, of course. I must have just forgotten.”

95% chance Xana was using my emotions to manipulate me.

5% chance this was my father.

I had to think and had to think quick. There had to be a way I could check. What was something my dad would know that Xana would not? It would have to be something from before Xana was created that wasn’t in the diary.

Then it came to me! My mother. He avoided talking about her in his video diary. It was probably too much for him. I took in a deep breath, and noticed that there was no scent.

“You know…everything here is perfect, down to the last detail.” I started.

“Why, thank you, I made this all for you.” He gestured around.

“Except for one thing.” I cut him off. He furrowed his brow.

“What would that be?”

“My mother.” That gave him pause, so I continued. “You should know better than anyone how much I want to see her again.” There. If this was Xana, it would back him into a corner, he would make some sort of mistake. Franz frowned, was it really? I didn’t want to be right about it being a trap, but-

“Aelita. You’re asking me to puppet around a hollow image of my wife? Don’t you think that’s a little cruel?”

Oh.

“I’m sorry…” I said, without thinking. I looked over at him. Maybe he really did just forget about the Skidbladnir. It had been a long time since those bedtime stories. I really wanted him to be the real deal. But before I could relax, before I could really and truly talk to him, I had to be sure.

“...Then maybe, instead, you could let me see my big pink teddy bear? You know, the one I always slept with and greeted you at the door with and had tea parties with?”

Another slight hesitation before he spoke,

“Yes. Of course, if that would make you happy. Forgive me if some of the details are incorrect. It has been quite some time.” And he pulled a big pink stuffed teddy bear out from behind the chair he was sitting on and he smiled, satisfied. “There. Now, if we could talk about-”

But there never was a pink teddy bear, and there never were any tea parties. I made it up.

99% chance this was Xana’s trap.

1% chance this was still my father…

“There never was a pink teddy bear.” I said, standing up. “I think I should go.”

I rushed over to the door, and opened it. On the other side, William was waiting. He smirked, grabbing my wrist. From behind, I could hear distorted laughter.

0% chance.

[civilization-illstayrighthere]

TAKE TIME, a cyberpunk 2077 fic (3k words, silverdyne, rated M)

summary: In the early hours of August 21st, 2023, Kerry awakens to police breaking down his door. tags: silverdyne, background/minor kerry/v, hurt no comfort, cyberpunk 2020 TTRPG lore

( READ MORE HERE ) ( COMMENTS & RBs APPRECIATED )

[maliro-t]

veilguard spoilers if you're picky but re: ign today,,,,betrayal of felassan i am unwell

[howifeltabouthim]

Dead and imaginary people played a larger part in my quotidian reality than the living did. I lurched backward to recover shreds of memory and forward to fashion an imaginary future.

Siri Hustvedt, from The Blazing World

[only-mildly-evil]

absolutely OBSESSED with the gradual changes in the yellowjackets opening theme... the way the video feed that is usually confined to a square vcr-esque format has started occasionally expanding to fill the whole screen and now the theme song that was digitally muffled like an old recording has become crisp, clear, and more guttural....... it's like, it's coming closer it's pulling you in the world is becoming less artificial the past is bleeding into the present

[prismbearer]

Not me modding Morrowind for like 16 hours today because my internet isn't dependable enough for an MMO atm.

[wickedzeevyln]

Crayons

“The world is how we color it.” —e.d. maramat | erwinism On the walls, odd geometrical shapes of stick people and square cows and flying dogs telling fairytales and fantasies, the oldies not once bothered to decipher or unlock mysteries from little cave people who use pillows to build forts and fluffy castles. Those tiny beings with their twinkling minds soon find out that there are places for…

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

i'm hard of hearing and i have an auditory processing disorder, but i don't know sign. so my opinion is definitely of lesser importance than those who are deaf

please pardon any mispellings as i am dyslexic, am writing this on my phone, and am not editing it too seriously

i think it's overall fine to use ASL or SSL in the same way it is fine for one's fantasy world to use English; however, ive learned that's really only the case if a person is fluent in it. you're fluent in English, so it makes sense for you to use English throughout this story; if you are not also fluent in ASL and/or SSL, it is less recommended for you to, utilizing the same aforementioned logic as using English language, use either of these two languages throughout your story from what i have seen from the deaf community. (it might be easier to understand through a hypothetical. it isn't an exact equivalent, of course, but it will help illustrate the point; just indulge me in a suspension of disbelief and "be silly". let's pretend i am writing a story where, for whatever reason, i am using a singular Swedish-only speaking character while everyone else is English-speaking. i know that'd be silly to do pragmatically, but again: "be silly" with me for a second. i have one Swedish-speaking character, everyone else is English-speaking. this would be fine for me to do if i was fluent in both languages, as you are fluent in Swedish and English. however, i am not fluent in Swedish. as a result of this lack of fluency, unless i am actively practicing to learn Swedish, there is going to be a LOT of mistakes in me saying "this is the Swedish equivalent of xyz in English", i am going to get grammar wrong, i am going to miss nuance, and i am going to assume there are Swedish words that might not exist because they exist in English. i may be using an official "Swedish to English" website as reference, but i am going to fuck up so much in my lack of Swedish fluency that for any Swedish-speaker like yourself: you are going to cringe and wish i had became fluent in Swedish before writing this or that i gotten in contact with someone who is fluent in Swedish to correct my mistakes in linguistics, nuances, culture, and whatnot. that's what i mean by "it's fine for you to use English, ASL, or SSL in fantasy if you're fluent!" and why im suggesting thoughtfulness in proceeding if you are NOT fluent. i hope this makes sense lol but yeah! sign language of any kind is, ultimately, a language. so the same respects applies to sign language as to Swedish in this sense when it comes to application of dialogue and the nuances inherent within that language's culture. this is by no means saying "no deaf characters or sign language allowed unless you are in the community!",of course, that'd be as ridiculous as "no Swedish characters allowed unless you are Swedish/have lived in Sweden for x amount of years!". no, of course, do it! inclusivity: yay!! we just have to be proceed thoughtfully when we create a character that represents a specific identity lmao but yeah, to summarize this hypothetical: if you has wanted to do a Swedish-only-speaking character amongst your English speaking cast, you are fluent in both, of course you can do that! but i would need to proceed with caution as a monolingual English-speaker and rely on someone Swedish-speaking checking my work)

and, of course, there are cases of a person not fluent writing a really good story staring a deaf person, like the manga "A Sign Of Affection" by Suu Morishita (which is a duo going under one pseudonym if my memory recollects right); however, they have a consultant named Yuki (who is a deaf person who uses sign in Japan. they also named their female lead after her in thanks lol but for clarity, ill be using "Yuki" to refer to the consultant, not the character) who they interview before every chapter to ensure they are portraying their deaf character realistically, to help them brainstorm future chapter and scenarios, for final approval of past chapters before they finish it up, and will also ask her to translate the dialogue for the deaf characters to say through sign (they film her signing her translation to use as an art reference, and also use her to find out what exactly the characters can say since very few sign-languages have one-to-one translations of a hearing-language. the sentences grammar and the available vocabulary for one's diction are different). you can read more about their process with Yuki within the manga, they explain it as a bonus feature between chapters and have also done interviews for magazines and whatnot. so there is fluency in that example, it just doesn't come from the mangaka duo. if you have a resource to apply that to with ASL or SSL, i think that makes perfect sense to do so! have that person help you out! it is overall preferable to have someone who doesn't know sign try to depict fluency in THAT way, from what i understand after looking into deaf people discuss preferred characterization anyway

if you want to do a conlang for a fictive sign language (especially if you do not have an ASL or SSL fluent deaf person to use as a resource of if you yourself are not fluent in either or), i think that also makes sense. i started learning about how deaf people prefer to be depicted in fantasy works starting at this reddit thread (there's links to further discussion within it, and invitation of where to ask questions). i also like this tiktok user named @/bow_asintakea_rawn who has a lot of deaf content relating to fiction/fantasy that could potentially be a resource (you could even try talking to him if you feel so comfortable). and lastly, i like the youtuber @/oakwyrm, who is a disabled person who does a lot of disabled media analysis (especially fantasy) and whose essays can service as a resource in that way (i forget if oakwyrm is deaf or not though, but he does discuss deafness in some videos despite many deaf people not considering their deafness as a disability, which is fair, and others do, which is also fair). i have other deaf youtubers i could recommend, but none of them interact with fantasy much so i dont know how useful they would be; if you want more deaf resources, i would suggest just googling "deaf youtubers" since i know deafness in respect to "how to portray this community and sign-language in fantasy" is more important to this discussion so i won't detract by offering resources that digress from this topic

i dont know many fantasy pieces that include how to depict deaf people, but i know the overall sentiment about sign language in fiction/fantasy is "Depict signing as functionally the same as speaking" since it is just another language. this sounds counter-productive initially if the idea is new to you, but the idea of novels needing the following reminder makes sense: "There's no need to replace '[deaf character] said' with '[deaf character] signed'. Introduce the deaf character using sign, introduce who knows sign and who needs a translator (if anyone), and from then on carry on using '[deaf character] said' whenever they have something to say. We have grasped from then on that they are using sign. You don't need to make them the odd one out of the group from then on by using a differnt tag just for them. It's alienating. Only use 'signed' as a tag when it's an example where the signing distinction is necessary, like '[hearing character] signed to me not to whisper, his eyes trained on the guard searching for us' or a similar situation" (this is not a quote, otherwise i would cite it. i cant find where i learned this idea from, but i did want to ensure there was a distinction that this was not my idea, but me parroting an idea i have heard and learned from, if nothing else). i mention this to you and your comic because the same logic applies to visual distinctions of signing. from what i have seen: the preferred depiction of sign in graphic novels specifically includes a similar line of logic: "Use the same speech-bubbles as you would use for hearing characters that are not signing", and the idea of "translation boxes" is less preferred unless there is a specific reason why (like maybe a deaf character knows two sign-languages and is switching to one most of the cast doesn't know). though "A Sign Of Affection"'s manga is a great example of deaf characters in manga overall, they unfortunately don't do this (meaning their deaf characters don't use the same speech-bubbles when they sign as when hearing characters are speaking and not using sign), which i personally don't recommend copying unless a deaf person/people who sign DO advise to mimic it. i personally recommend to use the same speech bubbles as hearing characters have when they do not sign, as aforementioned; that's the impression i have been given by those ive listened to in the deaf community. which to do the same speech-bubbles regardless of sign or no sign makes sense, to me, as it better treats sign-language visually as of similar respects as any other language. (but, again: deaf people's opinion over mine. especially if they disagree. i am parroting, what i parrot is biased to what i have seen within my sphere of the internet; i am of far less importance) HOWEVER, something really cool about "A Sign of Affection"'s speech bubbles that the deaf community and hearing community both really like is how "A Sign of Affection" will use speech-bubbles to show what Yuki can/can't hear. they have different text colors to show when their deaf main character hears something being said and when that deaf character does not hear the person (because the hearing character has their lips covered, because the deaf character wasn't looking directly at the hearing person's lips and was not aware they were speaking, because the hearing character spoke literally behind the hearing person's back, and so on). if you want to mimic that aspect, that's totally okay to do so lol and i'm sure there are other graphic novel resources of deaf people to look into, but i haven't encountered many (eg. i know "A Silent Voice" exists but i stay away from stories with suicidal characters due to triggers, so i have no idea if it is reverred as fondly by the deaf community as i know "A Sign Of Affection" is due to my lack of interaction with the content/its fandom)

but i hope this small handful of leads helps you out! if my assumption that you are not CODA or a hearing person fluent in sign is correct (im a newer follower, sorry lol but i do really like your stuff so far and think your "Felt World" comic is fantastic! i just also know very little about you lmao rip), and if you do not have a fluent person in sign to use as a sinilar resource as Yuki is stellarly used in "A Sign Of Affection", i think a conlang is probably the best option for you? i definitely think it might of help to go to some reddit threads with prominent deaf people who use sign to recruit one or a few beta-reader/sensitivity-reader as a resource. bonus if they like conlangs and are willing to help you develop one. or are willing to translate their fluency for you so you know what diction translation is available for your character's dialogue + to film their signs for you to use as a reference. i originally found you through your tiktok, so it might be helpful to formally recruit there through a short video and tag it appropriately to reach out to the deaf and signing community for that type of beta-reader/sensitivity-reader/possible-translator/possible-conlang-help-resource person

my last piece of advice towards finding resources is you might find more information here on tumblr under the tag "writing deaf characters". i think(?) that's the tag people use to discuss how to depict deaf characters, though that is not sign-language specific in the sense of how to depict sign-language in fantasy. you'd probably have to scroll to find posts on that. but it should give you resources of people saying "this is my advice for writing a deaf character as someone who is deaf" who you could then reach out to for more specific questions, resource-help, and whatnot

finally, i know you said "there is *A* deaf character" in your post, but i do want to hesitantly implore you to include that said character as being a part of a deaf community. so having other characters around them also be deaf. it is very unusual, from what i understand, for a deaf character to be the ONLY deaf person they know or that they willingly surround themselves with. the deaf community is very close-knit to the point of people actually all having two names: they have a sign-name as well as their name used in conversation with hearing people. community and solidarity is extremely common with deafness. community is huge part of the deaf culture. being the only deaf character would only make some sense if that character is purposefully alienated from others (think Toph from "Avatar: The Last Airbender"'s family situation, tho she is blind, not deaf) but even then: they had to learn their fluency with sign language from SOMEWHERE and used it often with those people (and this sign language had to get popularized into having a standardization by... like... having a lot of people use it, which would only happen if a lot of people NEEDED it, which means there has to be a significant deaf community lmao). this is especially true if the equivalent-of-face-timing isn't possible in "Felt World" (as video-calls are the predominant form of long-distance communication that accomadates sign); if long-distance communication isn't possible between people who use sign language, they go for proximity (hence there being schools to facilitate deaf community and communication). this can then cause "accents" so to speak (there's even records of families of deaf people having their own family-signs and "accents" in addition to region-based). this is best noticed in how, in the USA, there actually isn't just one form of sign-language originated from here. which, yes, there are multiple "English-associated" sign-languages (i think the most famous trio are ASL, BSL, and SSE to non-Americans?? but there are even more "English-associated" sign languages than that and i'm not talking about any of those rn, but rather the fact that ASL is not the only sign language to originate from the United States of America). i'm talking about how, due to the segregation of Black people in schools, there is BASL (Black American Sign Language). community matters so much to deaf people that something as dividing as segregation resulted in two totally different forms of sign. and even though schools are no longer segregated, that history has lead to two different origins of language that the descendents of which have little to very little overlap now as distinct "accents" from what i understand as someone who uses neither forms of sign (and it should go with saying that many Black deaf people in America have to be fluent in not only English and also ASL, in addition to BASL, in order to gain accommodations in classrooms that are not at a BASL School. it is unfortunate that such a hurdle exists and i greatly admire Black deaf people and their preservation of BASL, as well as anyone hearing who signs BASL to help translate for Black deaf people in their first language so there are less hoops for Black deaf people to jump through. but i digress). so, again, deaf people being surrounded by other deaf people either through technology-that-accomadates-sign or proximity is HUGE. so i would say at MINIMUM introduce this one character as having access to a community of background characters who are also deaf and sign, in addition to hearing people who sign. that insistence you ensure there is a community of deaf characters in this world (if not having multiple deaf recurring characters or main characters) probably goes without saying? i probably didnt need to say all this. but im erring on the side of caution since i feel a bit on thin-ice as a non-sign-language-user speaking here to begin with lol

but yeah! again, i dont know sign so this is me parroting things i have learned from the deaf community about how they prefer sign be utilized (this isn't even approaching the topic of cochlear implants, as that can be seen as controversal to some deaf circles and fine to other deaf circles within the overall community) and giving you the leads i can currently recall having been useful to me when i realized i had a curiosity about how to best utalize sign in fantasy settings (im sure i once used more but i have alas forgotten them, as this post even shows in how i dont remember where to cite certain ideas to). definitely defer to people who know sign, especially those who are deaf, over me as i am not within that portion of the hoh/deaf community as a whole. but i digress. i hope this is helpful, and i wish you and your comic the best of luck! much love ♡

Ah fuck it this is gonna be a spoiler but I genuinely can't figure out what the right course of action is so here goes...

SO THERE'S A DEAF CHARACTER IN FELT WORLD who uses sign to communicate. (Don't speculate, it'll be revealed, but don't make assumptions just in case it isn't who you thought it was and you end up disappointed)

My question is; do I pick American Sign Language, Swedish Sign Language, or do I make up a fictive Sign Language?

My arguments for all:

ASL: the comic is written in American English

SSL: I'm from Sweden, and there are tons of Swedish references in felt world

Fictive SL: would be much easier from a production stand point

What are y'all's input? I'd love to hear especially if you're deaf/heard of hearing and using sign yourself. Thanks in advance!!

[mspi]

Think the cartoon lied

Never imagined woodpeckers being pests in real life. They're looking to be real pains in the butt in here. Maybe the toon depicted exactly who they are. Now I feel like I have to go watch Woody Woodpecker again.

-- dnagirl

13.02.2023

[cinnamon-galaxies]

Hi! I saw that your request box was open. Could I request a Alastor x fem!reader who is a mornigstar, charlie's older sister and she is engaged with Alastor. In episode 5, Dad beat Dad, I thought their relationship is kept secret and was revealed later on shocking lucifer and their friends

Dad beat Fiancé beat Dad

Pairings: Alastor x Fem!Reader / Alastor x Morningstar!Reader Tags: hurt/comfort, (a little bit of) fluff, secret relationship/engagement, Alastor vs Lucifer, Morningstar!Reader, Fem!Reader Warnings: language/swearing, kiss, argument/bickering, reader is Charlie’s older sister, English is not my first language! Summary: You are Charlie's older sister and secretly engaged to Alastor. When your sister invites your father to the hotel to ask for his help with her rehabilitation program, you look forward to his arrival. However, things take a turn when tensions escalate between your father and your fiancé, leading to heated bickering. Overcome with frustration, you finally lash out and accidentally reveal your engagement to the King of Hell and the hotel's residents. Wordcount: 5.4k A/N: This one turned out so long! I really hope you like it and that the story meets your expectations! English is not my first language so I want to apologize for possible grammar and spelling mistakes. I really tried my best to make as few mistakes as possible!

“Well, I’m actually running a hotel to rehabilitate sinners. Maybe you saw our commercial,” you heard your younger sister speak into the telephone, releasing a nervous chuckle here and there. Then a sigh escaped her lips. “Listen, dad, I’ve got kind of a big ask…”   You stood a few feet away and stared at her, unsure what to think of this whole idea. Was it really that smart to ask your father to organize another meeting with heaven? The last one already didn’t end well. But what other choice was left for you? Still, it released a weird feeling inside your guts, now that you watched Charlie calling your dad, since your and your sister’s relationships with him were kind of… special. Your father tended to distance himself from the both of you for the most time, bathing in his own emotional dilemma and not even trying to do anything about it. Thus neglecting the both of you. Well, at least he called your sister five months ago regarding that meeting with Adam in heaven’s local embassy. But when it comes to you it’s been even longer since you’ve talked. Maybe a year? Or even longer. You didn’t actually know and also some part within you didn’t even want to. But what you knew is that you missed him. Although, in contradiction, you weren’t really fond of him at the moment. It’s not that you didn’t love him. He was your father, regardless, and you both shared a lot of wholesome and fun memories. But since your mother had left him seven years ago, things had turned out strange and you didn’t really approve of his weird-ass behavior towards you and your sister. Still, you hoped your father would agree to help you out. Maybe, just maybe, there was a probability that you saw him again. You had so much to tell him. Your life has changed a lot since you started supporting your sister in the hotel. And even before, when you met Alastor…

Lost in your thoughts you missed parts of the phone call and as your consciousness returned to reality, you saw your sister taking the phone down and ending the call. Curious about the outcome you cocked your head. “What did he say?”

   “Well,” Charlie stared at an empty space for a brief moment, “it seems that dad will be coming over.”

   Your mouth fell agape and your eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, really?” you asked her and a huge smile grew on your face. “That’s awesome! When?”

   Charlie proudly straightened her back and stemmed her hands into her hips. “We have an hour until he gets here.”

   You turned around to face the other residents who sat on the couch and raised your voice, “Okay people. Dad’s on his way, so we’re getting this place presentable and we are all going to make an amazing impression. Let’s go!”

   That’s when Vaggie spoke up, “That’s a great idea! Husker, Angel and I will go get some decorations for the lobby,” her eyes wandered down to Niffty, “Niffty, you and Sir Pentious will bake some cookies so we have something to eat when it’s time for coffee.”

   Nifty nodded exaggeratedly, almost vibrating from that force she put into her motion. She instantly grabbed Sir Pentious’s hand and dragged him down the hallway towards the kitchen. When Husker, Angel and Vaggie went to get the decorations from the storage room you and Charlie were left alone. 

   “Are you as excited as I am?” You asked her with a moving voice and examined your sister expectantly. It was no secret that Charlie took that whole situation with your father a bit differently from you. While you almost imploded waiting to get a chance to meet him again, your sister was more reserved and kept herself a bit more distant from him. Even though she was the one your father seemed to favor when it came to dealing with the conflict with heaven. It didn’t matter that you were the older daughter… 

   “Ahm… I don’t know,” Charlie responded nervously stroking her neck, “I mean, yes, I am. But at the same time…” She hesitated and you put your hand on her shoulder.

   “Don’t worry, sis. I can understand,” you reassured her with a calm voice and smiled at her with genuine eyes. You could feel her shoulders relax under your supporting gesture.

   “Thank you,” she responded and returned your smile. “It’s just… You know, since he and mom split, I often don’t feel like his daughter anymore. Yet he sounded very excited to come over.”

   You took a deep breath and removed your hand from her shoulder. “We’ll see how things are going when he arrives.”

   Charlie chuckled. “Well, I think you should go and inform Alastor about our special guest,” she requested, raising her eyebrows in concern. Charlie was the only person at the hotel who knew about your secret relationship with him. When you decided to knock on the door to propose your support to your sister, you and Alastor were already dating. In fact, you were the one who dragged him here because – regardless of his fearful and sketchy reputation – you knew he’d make a great hotelier and protector for the residents during future exterminations. But you both didn’t introduce yourselves as a couple right away. Instead, you found common ground in letting your sister know but keeping it hidden from the other residents. There were several reasons you both had decided against making your relationship public: Alastor’s reputation as the Radio Demon, yours as Lucifer’s oldest daughter, the gossip, the media… These and many more were all things you didn’t want to deal with. Especially since Alastor was a very private person who despised showing affection outside his private space and you, as a person who had no desire to brag about your partner, were totally fine with it. What happened in private chambers stayed in private chambers. That was your agreement, and if you let your friends know about your relationship, there would be too much risk that it would eventually become public. The only other person next to Charlie, and outside the hotel, who knew about your and Alastor’s connection, was his decades-long friend Rosie.

Repeating your sister's request in your head you nodded in agreement. It was the best to prepare Alastor. Even though an hour alone wouldn’t be long enough for him to digest the fact that he was about to meet your father. “Oh, I think he’ll be excited about the news,” you responded with a sarcastic tone and couldn’t help but release a malicious laugh. Oh, how much he will hate this...

You heard Charlie laughing along and shaking her head in amusement. But as quickly as the amusement appeared, it disappeared as you continued to think about the fact that Alastor was actually going to meet your father. With a deep breath you dropped your smile and lowered your voice. “Do you think it would be a good idea to tell dad about Alastor and me?”

   “Ahm…” Charlie seemed to think about it more carefully before commenting, “I actually don’t know… I wish I could tell you but that’s something you and Alastor have to decide. First of all, I’d wait until after they had their first impressions of each other. Then… maybe… introduce him to the truth? I mean, if you and Alastor plan to stay together, what I hope – I mean… It’s obvious, why else would you date if it isn’t for staying together?” She chuckled at how much she was lost in her words and cleaned her throat. “I’m sorry. What I mean to say is that it would be beneficial for your shared future if you let dad know. At least at some point in the future.”

   You nodded in understanding and gifted her a slight smile. “Thank you. Maybe I’ll talk to him about this later. First of all, I need to prepare him for meeting his soon-to-be father in law.” You laughed and excused yourself before you left the lobby and went upstairs.

   When you arrived at Alastor’s radio station you knocked on the door.

   “You may come in!” you heard Alastor’s dulled voice through the door and opened it. When you entered the radio station you immediately saw him sitting at his desk, leaning over some papers and holding a pen in his hand. When you closed the door, he placed the pen to the side and turned to look at you.

   “Why hello, darling,” he greeted you, his signature smile on his face but his red eyes revealing a neutral expression. “What brings you here?”

   “Well...” You took a deep breath and strolled towards him with your hands folded behind your back and your lips pressed to your teeth. “I’ve got some news for you that you’ll probably hate.”

   “Oh?” he responded curiously and tilted his head to the side. His red hair swayed with the movement.

   You arrived at his desk and leaned against the tabletop, your front mostly faced towards him. You tilted your head in the same direction as he did and couldn’t manage to suppress an amused smile. “My dad will be here in less than an hour,” you said with a cocky voice and watched Alastors expression shift as his lips curled up around his smile and his eyes immediately twitched. An awkward silence fell over the room before he broke it with a snippy tone, “You’re right. I hate that news.” His neck returned to a straight and more natural position and you chuckled.

   “Vaggie’s the one to blame. She came up with the idea that Charlie should call him to ask for help because she could no longer bear seeing my sister ripping her hair out in despair over her missing rehabilitation success,” you explained and a growl escaped Alastor’s throat. He already didn't like Vaggie and now he probably liked her even less.

   “Splendid,” he said without enthusiasm and stood up from his chair, grabbing his microphone cane and leaning on it. Now taller than you, you had to tilt your head back to be able to look him in the eyes. “How about I excuse myself and disappear for another set of seven years?”

   “Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,” you responded, raised your index finger and waved it in front of him. “You will stand your ground and behave. It’s just my dad.”

   “He’s the king of hell, darling.”

   “And that's why you'll be going down there and prove to him that you're a worthy partner for his princess daughter.”

   He gritted his teeth and your smile widened as you nonchalantly brushed the wrinkles out of his coat.

   “Are you questioning my abilities, darling?” He asked, placing one of his hands on top of yours, thus stopping your movements and squeezing it.

   You felt your cheeks blush at his affectionate action and stepped closer to him, your body now close enough that it almost touched his. You could feel the warmth radiating off him and tilted your head slightly, your eyes still locked with his. “No, I’m not. And that’s exactly why I want you to do as I said.”

   “Oh, is her dear royal highness misusing her mightiness to give me an order?” he asked with a low and unusually soft voice and a shiver ran down your spine. Oh, how you loved it when he became flirty. His charm was able to captivate you instantly, weakening your legs and waking those tingling butterflies in your stomach. He removed your hands from his coat and pulled you closer to him. Your body now touching his, you felt the urge to rest your head into the crook of his neck but resisted.

   “She indeed is. And you better behave, peasant,” you teased him back and Alastor narrowed his eyes at you degrading him like this.

   He let go of one of your hands and instead cupped your cheek before using his fingers to lift your chin up. “You seem to forget that I’m your finacé”, he purred, leaning in closer until only a few inches separated your noses from touching. His hot breath stroked your face and you could’ve sworn that his eyes had turned to a darker hue.

   Without further hesitation he pulled you into a tender kiss. His lips brushed over yours and you leaned in closer, succumbing yourself completely to him. Your free hand roamed up and slid through his hair, pressing his face closer to yours. After a few moments of togetherness both of you let go of each other.

   “We should return to the foyer. My dad can arrive any minute,” you said and stroked his cheek before heading towards the door. You could hear Alastor sigh behind you.

   “Just as a reminder: I can’t promise you things will go well.”

   You rolled your eyes as you left the radio station together. “At least try.”

   After you entered the foyer most preparations were already done and it didn’t take long until your father arrived. Your body was shaking from excitement as you and Charlie went up to the door and your sister opened it.

   "Charlie!,” your father shouted with joy. A huge grin sat on his face and his yellow eyes sparkled as his gaze fell on your sister who stood much closer to him. He held out his arms and approached her, pulling her into a hug. “It’s so good to see you!”

   “It’s good to see you too, dad,” Charlie pressed through the tight hug of her father, overwhelm and a little bit of uncomfort in her expression.

   When Lucifer let go of her his eyes fell on you. "Y/N! You’re here too?” his pupils dilated in surprise and you immediately found yourself wrapped in his arms as well.

   “Dad!” you greeted him as you placed your hands around his torso and squeezed, the soft fragrance of his cologne entering your nose. He smelled the same he always did, the scent taking you back to the past when your family was still together and healthy. It was wonderful to be this close to him after such a long time and you wished this moment could last longer. You looked to the side and saw Alastor standing near your sister. But what you didn’t see was one of his eyes twitching at your father’s gesture.

   You let go of each other and Charlie held out her hand, spinning and pointing at the lobby. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!”

   The other residents greeted him with waving hands from afar and your father smiled back at them, walking through the lobby and letting his gaze wander around. “Wow, this place looks, uh…” he twisted his mouth in an unpleasant manner and frowned, searching for the right words. He chuckled nervously and you and Charlie exchanged glances as he stammered around, turning to the side and surveying the establishment as if he was a property inspector. You could tell that nervousness spread across Charlie’s face as she probably hoped his words wouldn’t be too dismissive. You shrugged your shoulders at her to dismiss your father’s unsettling behavior and followed him.

   “What do you think, dad?” you dared to ask him in hopes he’d come up with a response a little faster if you pushed on him a little.

   “It’s got a lot of character,” he eventually said and winched with a squeak when he turned around and laid eyes on the bar. “What in the unholy hell is that?” he asked repulsively and pointed to the swampy-looking counter decorated with skulls and two full snake skeletons wrapped around the poles. The green wood paneling disrupted the noble red wallpaper of the looby, making it appear like an eyesore amidst the otherwise mostly luxurious decor.

   A dark shadow crawled around the floor and took the form of Alastor who appeared right next to him. “Just some of the renovations we had done! ” he explained, pointing his cane at the bar, his signature smile wide and confident before he turned towards Lucifer and leaned on his cane. “Adds a bit of color, don’t you think?”

   “And you are?” Lucifer asked with raised eyebrows, a skeptical tone in his voice.

   You, again, exchanged glances with Charlie and held your breath. The moment has come in which your father and your financé had their first contact and somehow you got the feeling that this won’t end well. Your sister seemed to be fearing the same and she stepped closer to you. Her presence calmed your tension at least a little. 

   “Alastor,” your finacé introduced himself, “Pleasure to be meeting you, sir. Quite a pleasure!” He shook your fathers hand and you could see the disapproval in both their eyes, before they let go. Your father grimaced while Alastor wiped his hands over his coat.

   This most definitely won’t end well. But before you and Charlie could say something, Alastor continued, “It’s nice to finally put a face to the name. You are much shorter in real life.”

   You breathed in sharply. Your father didn’t seem to take his comment well as his expression immediately turned to annoyance. You and Charlie both approached them, your sister standing next to your father while you kept closer to Alastor. You really hoped that he’d notice your disapproval over how things were going and slow down a bit. But you knew him well enough to be sure he wouldn’t notice the tension in the room and also wouldn't care if he did.

   “Who is this?” your father asked, his eyes fixated on the demon before him. “Who’s this now? Are you the bellhop?”

   Alastor laughed in response. “No! I’m the host of the hotel. You might’ve heard of me from my radio broadcast,” he explained.

   Your father pretended to ponder his words for a very short moment but then denied with a derogatory snort. “Nope! I guess that’s why Charlie called it the ‘Hazbin Hotel’?” He laughed at his pun, this time more maliciously. The tension grew stronger and you didn’t even realize that you held your breath and pressed your fists so tightly together that your nails painfully stung your palms. Your sister, on the other hand, nervously rubbed her hands.

   Hiding his offense, Alastor piled into your father’s laughter, “It was actually my idea.”

   “Well, it’s not very clever!” your father responded, increasing his laugh.

   Alastor did the same and leaned in closer, “Fuck you.”

   “Alastor!” you yelled at him in shock and disbelief over his rude words and took him by his arm, dragging him to the side while your sister shoved your father into the other direction.

   “What the fuck is wrong with you?” you scolded him with a lowered voice to keep your conversation as private as possible. He’d never been someone who cussed so why did he have to do this now of all times?

   “He started it,” Alastor explained, keeping his face turned in the other direction to avoid eye contact.

   You breathed in sharply, anger boiling within you as you hissed, “I don’t care about who did what. You were supposed to make a good impression!”

   “Excuse me, dear, but it seems that your father and I don’t get along. And this seems to be based on mutuality. I don’t know if you noticed this but he already looked at me disapprovingly before we even exchanged words.”

   Oh, you did notice this. But you didn’t care because in this moment it was important for both of them to at least pretend to tolerate each other. You couldn’t afford your father and your finacé to already disembowel each other during their first encounter. Important aspects of your shared future relied on their correlation. And… Was Alastor even listening to you?!

   You snatched his cane out of his hands and spinned it around.

   Alastor finally turned to look at you, his teeth gritted and his eyebrows pushed together. His gaze became softer as he eyed your expression but he still seemed tense.

   “You’ll put this right, Alastor. Or otherwise…” You don’t finish your sentence and instead poke the pointy end of his cane between his ribs.

   “Fine,” he growled and took his cane back.

   You both turned around and saw Charlie pushing your father in your direction, her arm resting on his shoulder while she talked to him insistently with a calm but worried voice, “Without Alastor, we wouldn’t have been able to pretty it up this much!”

   Alastor took a step closer, tapping his fingertips on his cane. “Charlie has a very unique vision,” he started and stood next to her, forcing himself to sound as honest and courteous as possible, “I am happy to fulfill her bizarre requests.”

   “Thank you, Alastor”, your sister responded, ignoring your frowning father who looked anything but amused.

   Alastor continued, “Quite an impressive young lady. We’re all very proud of her.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and Charlie gave him a genuine smile before he let go and turned towards you. “And her sister, Y/N, well…” He laid his red eyes on you with a genuine and almost loving smile and rested his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it slightly in an almost unnoticeable but reassuring manner. “She’s an extraordinary being. Introduced me to this very special place so we can give her sister all the support and assistance she needs.”

   You smiled at him, grateful that he followed your request to at least try to make things right.

   Your father growled and narrowed his eyes as he noticed the way Alastor looked at you, the demon’s hand on your shoulder triggering his already strained nerves. He snatched his head in the other direction to face your sister. “Charlie… Why don’t you introduce me to your other friends?”

   “Oh, yes, of course!” she called out and walked up to the other residents. “This is Vaggie. She’s my girlfriend!” She pulled Vaggie with her who shyly raised her hand in a reserved greeting gesture.

   Your father laughed and his mood immediately switched from annoyance to excitement. “Oh my golly! You like girls? So do I! We have so much in common!” He pulled Vaggie in a rushed embrace, letting her go as fast as he got close to her. “She’s beautiful!”

   You felt your heart sink in your chest at your father’s opposite reaction to your sister’s partner and a strike of anxiety hit you at the thought of telling him the truth about you and Alastor. It wasn’t only the fact you both were a couple that made you this insecure but the fact that you were even engaged to him.

   Alastor seemed to sense your inner tension and squeezed your shoulder again, now with more pressure and you were grateful for him that he hadn’t removed his hand yet. His closeness was exactly what you needed at this moment. You moved a bit closer to him, hoping that you both didn't appear too close in the other eyes, and breathed in his scent while your thoughts raced in your head. You reviewed the events again and realized that Alastor was right. You had little reason to be so angry (only) at him because your father didn’t really behave either from the first second. Hopefully you could somehow dismiss this conflict as a matter of miscommunication between them.

   You watched your sister introduce your father to the other residents which he seemed to get along with very well – contrary to your finacé who seemed to be the only one he immediately despised.

   You sighed and that’s when your father turned around to face the lobby. With a determined expression he raised his voice so everybody could hear him, “Well, it looks like I could give you some help. With a little bit of alakazam,” he wiggled his fingers, indicating a magic spell, “we could turn this place into something much more appealing! I mean, who needs a busboy now that you got the chef?” He faced Alastor with narrowed eyes and poked his elbow teasingly into Charlie’s side.

   You could feel Alastor’s grip on your shoulder tightening. His smile turned into a strained grin as he obviously thought about saying something. You begged that he kept his mouth shut to not reinforce their conflict… 

   “Well, Charlie…” your father continued before Alastor could even say something, “I’m not almighty but I could give you a lot. Almost anything, if you ask for it. You know, normally, I’d charge a lot for my help but since you’re my daughter and I love you with all my heart, it’s a matter of course I do it for free. Unlike that sketchy prick who probably has some devious intentions in his mind.” He raised his cane and pointed at Alastor.

   Charlie blinked a few times and pressed a nervous and drawled ‘Thank you…’ through her uncomfortable smile. It was obvious that she didn’t approve of your father’s comment but she also didn’t want to increase the drama by intervening.

   Alastor took his hand off your shoulder and leaned on his cane. “At least I’ve been here from the start,” he commented and eyed his claws with a hint of arrogance.

   You breathed in sharply but tried your best to keep your patience up as Alastor continued his monologue. “Let's not forget that I’ve always been faithful to you, Charlie. I support you, care for you and this hotel, and execute whatever you demand”, he exclaimed with such confidence that it was almost awkward listening to him.

   “That’s true,” your sister responded carefully with a grateful smile on her face and your father rolled his eyes. “You know, dad, Alastor does a lot for the hotel and its residents.”

   “No matter his capabilities, because sometimes, Charlie, there’s no substitute for pure angelic power, which – not to forget – also happens to be your blood!”

   “Dad…” Charlie sighed and you growled, the anger cooking inside of you.

   “Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud,” Alastor interfered again, his grin still as prominent as always but his eyes narrowed, darting invisible arrows at Lucifer. He straightens his back to appear even taller in comparison to your father, the arrogance undeniable in his expression. “Seems like the family you chose is better.”

   “You’re such a loser!” your dad spat out.

   “And yet here you are proving me right with every word you speak,” Alastor snatched back.

   “You know nothing, you prick!”

   “Well, unlike you, I don’t abandon my responsibilities!”

   “How do you dare question my commitment?”

   “At least I care for your daughters.”

   “Oh you tacky little piece of–!”

You jumped between them. “Shut the fuck up! Both of you!”

 you yelled as your anger burst through the walls you’ve tried to maintain hold of. Your voice cracked with the strain of suppressed fury and your appearance began to morph into a much more demonic form as pointy horns grew out of your head and your eyes turned a gleaming bloody red. “I’m sick of you bickering like children, you fucking attention whores! Is this how you get your kicks, by not being able to keep your mouths shut over such trivial nonsense? Do you even realize how goddamn irritating it is for the rest of us to be subjected to your constant squabbling? You know each other for ten minutes and already start pushing each other to the limits!”

   “Y/N–,” Alastor tried to interrupt you but you stretched out your arm, pushing him away from you.

   “No, Alastor, back the fuck off!” you scream, looking up in his red eyes and poking his chest angrily with your index finger. “Everytime I tell you to keep your shit together and make a good impression, you make things worse!”

   Your head snatches around and you now stare at your father with the same fury in your eyes. “And you, dad, stop your irresponsible nonsense and don’t taunt him as if he were a punching bag for your own insecurities!” Now you poke at your father’s chest, towering over him with floating hair and fire in your eyes. “Because Alastor’s right! Where have you been all the time? Instead of helping us and supporting Charlie in her project, you didn't even contact us! Especially not me! The last time I heard from you was over a year ago! And now you come here, finally ready to help your daughters, and the moment you arrive you start lashing out at my fiancé to deflect from your own mistakes because you can't stand the fact that he was there for us while you preferred to wallow yourself in your depression!”

   Silence fell over the room when you finished your rant, all eyes locked on you in shock and disbelief over your courage to attack the Radio Demon and the King of Hell himself in such a manner. Your heart raced, pumped your blood through your veins with such a pressure that you felt your whole body pulsating under your tension as relief washed over you.

   “Y–,” your dad tried to say, stuttering and completely overwhelmed by your confrontation and what you just revealed to him. “You–, Your… fiancé?” He ripped his eyes open, his mouth agape in disbelief.

   You breathed in heavily and closed your eyes for a brief moment, realizing what you just revealed, before you opened them again and responded to his question with a much calmer but also weak and tired voice, “Yes, dad. Alastor is my fiancé.”

   “What the fuck?” you could hear Angel exclaim in the background but ignored him.

   “Well…” your father hesitated. He struggled hard to find the right words and put his hand over his mouth, rubbing his skin like a stress ball. “Well, I’m… Wow…”

   Alastor approached you, his steps echoing from the high walls in the silent room and he put his hand on your shoulder. Feeling his touch through your blouse, caused a jolt of electricity to rush through your body. It erased the rest of your anger and your appearance returned to your normal form. Alastor’s presence calmed you down to an almost relaxed state. You felt the need to lean on him but resisted because everything that just happened was already enough – for you, for your father, your fiancé and all the other residents who were forced to witness this nerve-wrecking spectacle.

   You watched your father’s gaze roam over Alastor’s presence, from his head to his toes and from his toes back to his head.

   “I–, I don’t know what to say… Uh… I–... I’m speechless,” he stuttered, unable to look away from the man that stood next to you and encouraged you with a little but meaningful gesture and with who you wanted to spend the rest of eternity with. “I–, excuse me. I need some time to think.”

   Your father indicated to turn around and leave as your sister grabbed him by his arm, holding him back. “Would you like me to give you a tour around the hotel?” she asked him reassuringly in hope he would agree, what he then did.

   “Yes. Please.”

   Your sister gave you an encouraging look before she turned around and guided your father towards the stairs, Vaggie following right after to accompany them.

   Now, you and Alastor were alone with Angel Dust, Sir Pentious, Husk and Niffty. All of them stared at you, speechless. Especially Husk appeared a bit traumatized by your accidental announcement.

   “So… Mister fancy-talk-creepy-voice managed to slide into the royal family?” Angel asked you with interest but you raised your hand, interrupting him.

   “Stop it, Angel.”

   The spider demon pressed his lips together in a thin line and hummed.

   You turned towards Alastor. “Are you mad?” you asked him, afraid that you damaged his trust by revealing your biggest secret you had sworn to keep.

   Alastor leaned his head down sideways to look you in the eyes. His grin was replaced by a genuine smile as his red eyes surveyed your expression. “It’s alright, my dear.”

   He looked over to the other residents, walking a few steps closer to them and cocked his head in an unnatural and unnerving way. His antlers grew in size with pointy ends while his eyes changed to a black color with red, moving radio dials as irises. “If you dare say a single word about mine and Y/N’s relationship outside of the hotel, I will tear you apart and hang your guts as flags on the hotel roof so everybody will be able to see what happens if you dare gossip about the radio demon and his lady.”

*****

[heartlogan]

living to lose

✮— logan x f!mutant!reader (set in worst wolverine’s universe)

✮— summary: logan won’t wear the suit.

✮— a/n: this is gonna be kinda short, but i am in <3 w the concept. (i wrote this in less than an hour bro) i haven’t seen this before so .. lmk if yall want a longer version . perhaps a series ? if yall do, let me know what power reader should have !! and perhaps a nickname 🫡

✮— warnings: DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE SPOILERS, humans vs mutants, and all the prejudice that comes with that, talk of mutants being killed for being mutants etc, xmen bonding, angst, canon typical violence (kinda? mentioned?), logan being stubborn, lmk if theres more!

masterlist | part two

✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

Life in the X-Mansion wasn’t what it once was.

If you were honest, life itself had begun to lose that glow that it once had. You supposed that it was hard to retain it when every day you were faced with the reality that humans wanted you all dead. And sure, it wasn’t like you hadn’t known that before, but each day you saw news stories coming out about mutants killed in the street, the X-Men were called out constantly to assist in human and mutant matters, and were always met with hatred.

You just wished that people could coexist. Would that be so difficult? For the humans to realise that mutants weren’t that much different from themselves, not really. Everyone had the fundamental building blocks of human DNA, mutants just so happened to have the X gene thrown in the mix.

Still, there were positives to life. Such as Logan, for you, because you were pretty sure Scott wouldn’t categorise him as a positive.

There had been something unspoken between the two of you for almost a decade, stretching across hundreds of battles and memories. Neither of you had actually brought yourselves to talk about it, both too afraid of loss.

But every night when he struggled to sleep, he joined you in your own bed. An incredible progression of your relationship, really, because it wasn’t like Logan to actually ask for help. Not that he did much talking on those nights. Every time you needed comfort after a painful mission, he was there, brooding silently at your side. A hand on the small of your back, or around your shoulders, if you were lucky.

He refused to acknowledge his role in your life, or his role on the team, no matter how much everybody begged him to.

The infamous Wolverine was so intimidated by the idea of admitting he cared, so scared that it would turn out like his past relationships, that he couldn’t bring himself to accept his place in your lives. He was stubborn, and wouldn’t allow anybody to have leverage over him.

It was another afternoon call out, a mutant in distress, and humans harassing whoever it was. It was bound to get violent, which was why everybody was suiting up.

“C’mon, Logan, just wear the suit.” You said, brows furrowed as you held the folded suit out towards him, watching him roll his eyes. “You’re a part of the team. Wear it.”

“She’s right, Logan.” Storm agreed, already clad in her own suit, much like yourself. It presented a united front, a symbol for other mutants that there was hope out there for them, no matter how dire the world seemed.

“Fuck, no.” Logan responded immediately, voice gruff and dismissive, barely sparing the yellow spandex a glance before he was turning away, grabbing his own jacket from its hanger. “Yellow ain’t my colour, bub.” He grumbled when he felt your eyes still on him, practically carving a hole in the back of his head.

“Logan.” You said pleadingly, feeling disheartened. “We all wear it. You’ll look as handsome as you ever do, I swear.” You attempted, although you weren’t naive enough to believe that the almighty Wolverine could have his mind changed via flattery.

He might have admitted, in another life, that you made the yellow work extremely well. That he knew the team looked good in it, looked put together, almost untouchable. But that wasn’t this life. And he refused to let anybody believe he actually wanted to be a part of this godforsaken self-righteous team that named themselves the X-Men. That wasn’t him. It wouldn’t be him.

Scott wandered in, clad in his own suit, matching visor and all. “It’s not gonna work, guys. I’ve tried. Logan’s far too stubborn.” He said, and none of you could see his eyes, but his disappointment was palpable. Logan only grunted in response.

“Fine,” You said, and he could hear the disappointment despite this not being the first time he had denied the suit. It had been a debate for a long while, by now. “I’ll leave it with you. Just in case you change your mind.”

“I won’t.” Logan said, with an air of finality. You said nothing.

The four of you headed out to the distress call not long after, three in cohesive suits, one decidedly not.

It turned into a fight, as most calls do nowadays, which lasted for what felt like ages. You returned, feeling more exhausted than you had in days. The humans only got more violent with time, inventing new and more powerful ways to hurt mutants. Weapons were being developed against mutant-kind with every day that passed, and it wasn’t lost on the X-Men. Your job was only getting harder and harder. And it was taking its toll on all of you.

“‘M goin’ to the bar. You coming?” Logan asked you, standing in front of where you sat on the couch with Storm, both still in your suits and equally tired. He raised his brows at you, indicating that this was a timed offer. You knew he would be out most of the night, getting as drunk as his healing factor would allow him. It wasn’t that kind of night for you.

“No, thanks. I’m gonna stay with the others.” You answered quietly, wanting nothing more than to marinate in your frustration with the rest of the team.

Logan looked at you for a second longer, hesitating for only a moment, before he grunted and stepped away. You could’ve sworn that he looked disappointed, as though he was hoping you would join him, or maybe ask him to stay. But you knew better, had become familiar with the sting of his rejection each time you had asked him to stay.

You wanted him to be a permanent feature of the X-Mansion, to stay after long missions, to not disappear for weeks at a time. You wanted the whole unspoken thing to become spoken at last, even if it hurt, but you knew he wasn’t ready for it. And despite you feeling similarly, feeling that exact same fear he felt, you knew he wasn’t willing to take on the challenge. To try. Hell, he wouldn’t even wear the suit.

If he had asked whether you wanted him to stay, you would’ve said yes without thought. Without hesitation. But Logan wouldn’t put himself in that situation, so he never did ask. He only hesitated. And for you, that wasn’t enough.

He knew it, too, which might have been the worst part of it all.

You watched him leave, heard the slam of the door behind him not long after, and could only sigh to yourself.

“Everything okay?” Storm asked you from the opposite end of the couch, tilting her head towards you from where she had been idly staring at the ceiling. She looked as though she knew the answer, whether she had already known, or had gotten it from the look on your face, though, you weren’t sure.

“D’you think he’ll ever stick around? Wear the suit?” You questioned her in response, fixing your eyes on the fireplace in front of you for a few moments before her silence became too much. You looked at her, confused and slightly concerned.

She looked as downtrodden as you felt, which was saying something. “I… don’t know. I hope so, but… hope is a feeble thing, in this world. I’m not sure it means much anymore.”

Beast wandered in, with Scott at his side, blue fur still singed from a battle a few days prior. “I’m sure he will come around. Logan is a stubborn man, but a good one.” He commented, pushing his glasses further up his nose, but still squinting through them as he found his place in an armchair.

“We’ll see. Maybe we can make an X-Man of him, yet.” Scott added, sinking into the sofa cushion between you and Storm, wearing his glasses rather than his visor, for once. You thought could almost see the shape of his eyes, through the red lens.

“Either way, I’m sure he’ll linger. If not for us, then for those poor kids. We have all seen how much they idolise him.” Storm said, which was true, but still stung slightly. You wished that Logan would linger for you, too, but you knew it wasn’t likely. But for the kids… well, he might just look back for them.

“He’s their hero.” You agreed quietly, before resting your head on Scott’s shoulder. He said nothing, but you felt his quiet appreciation of the touch. The team needed comfort, in times like these, you included. Beast reached over and took Storm’s hand not long after, and you saw her squeeze him in response.

Jean wandered in not too long later, having been busy helping to look after the new mutant in the medbay. You made space for her between you and Scott, and resumed your position on her shoulder. She rested her head on your own, and the five of you breathed quietly, not speaking. There was nothing much to speak about, nothing that could comfort you, anyway. The world continued its descent into chaos and hatred, and despite the X-Men’s best efforts, nothing any of you did would be changing it.

✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

It was Beast raising the alarm that woke you up, and Jean jolted awake soon after you.

“The humans, they’re here!” He shouted, diving into action, with Storm and Scott following soon after while you and Jean shared a single glance, her eyes filled with terror.

“Get the kids!” You yelled to her, as you jumped from the couch, heading to confront the humans with Scott, Beast and Storm. All the while, you were wondering where Logan was.

It was a thought that remained present in the back of your head, a wish that he was safe, unharmed. You couldn’t decide whether you wanted him to show up, to be the hero all of the kids knew him to be, or whether you wanted him far away, safe from what you were certain would be a lethal encounter.

The humans wouldn’t just come to the X-Mansion lightly. They would be prepared. Armed to the teeth, you were sure. And the moment you caught a glance outside of the window, seeing the crowds outside, glints of machinery and weapons, you knew you were right.

For a moment, you thought you saw him out there, until the two humans stepped apart, shattering the illusion of their shadows. The call of his name died on your lips.

“X-Men, to me.” Scott called out, and his grave expression told you that he had already had the same realisation as you. Most of you, if any at all, wouldn’t be getting out of this alive.

“Together?” Storm questioned, eyes glowing that bright white that only added to her ethereal look. She locked eyes with you, and you nodded firmly.

“Together.”

[thebirthofvenusfly]

really in love with the way ISAT handles themes of diaspora and cultural disconnect and exclusivity and distance. you know. like odile being mixed, passing enough for ka buan that vaugardians pin her as foreign, but passing enough for vaugardian that ka buans constantly note on her features. knowing she's half vaugardian, knowing half of her blood originates from the other half of the planet from her birth home, but being unable to explore that side for herself until her mid-adulthood. i imagine she's been studying vaugardian as a language and maybe some distant cultural norms for a while, but as we've seen in the game, there's still a lot about the house of change and body craft trends, etc. that she's learning for the first time and just that painfully longing sense of, "this should have been mine. i should know this stuff. i should know it as easily as i know everything i've grown up with in ka bue." you know. and let's not forget siffrin; having been raised in a separate nation altogether as well, but forgotten all connection to it; no memory of his parents' faces, of his neighborhood, of his childhood bedroom. just remnants. just enough internalised dialogue about wishes and stars and the universe. little habits and understandings that they've either never shared with others, or pass off as "weird habits but normal for siffrin." you know. eating malanga fritters and feeling like they're back home in their family's kitchen. honestly ever since adrienne gave siffrin that afro-caribbean nose and mentioned them being not white, but white-passing has stuck with me too. like imagine it. being of a culture, its accent stained on your tongue, its norms ingrained in every passing thought in your mind, but still just never quite connecting. having its features in your face just enough to look foreign, but not, at the same time too. never quite being there, 100%. standing out enough to feel abnormal in vaugarde, but fitting in enough to forget how disconnected he really is from home until he begins looping and actually remembering stuff.

how much of your identity is the culture you should know vs the culture you do know. what about if you want that culture to be yours again, but it was robbed from you by unforeseen circumstances beyond your control and now you're trying to masquerade as though everything is fine when in reality, there's a gaping hole in your chest where your fulfilled sense of self should be.