#meltdowns when things are too stressful or overwhelming emotionally

[carnage-cathedral]

I think our roommate maybe just has bpd that she's not managing and it's coming out on us a little bit

[spook-spectre-ghost]

Neurodivergent Egon Things —

His social anxiety is surprisingly severe. It’s imperceptible to others but ends up making him seem grumpy or standoffish.

The way he shows emotion is different from most people. Everyone around the firehouse is able to pick up on the Egon-equivalent of most emotional displays.

On a similar note, Egon stims to express emotion or let off steam a lot, but his stims are very subtle. His common stims include drumming his fingers, humming a series of notes, or rocking back and forth. He also likes to chew things when he’s stressed, but if no chewable object is available, he turns to biting his nails which isn’t ideal.

A lot of his sensory issues are related to tactile things. He cuts the tag out of every piece of clothing he owns because he can’t stand the itchiness. Doing dishes is impossible without rubber gloves because he doesn’t like the slimy sensation of touching bit of wet food in the sink. If he’s sans gloves on a job, he tends to make Venkman or Winston obtain samples of ectoplasm because he can’t stand the feeling of it. Somehow being entirely covered in ectoplasm was easier; the slimy feeling was all over instead of maddeningly isolated to his hands.

He has trouble with eye contact and tends to accidentally display too much or too little. Either way, with his height, deep voice, and imposing presence, he ends up coming off as intimidating.

Once someone gets him info dumping, there’s no stopping him. It’s one of the easiest ways for his friends to show him that they care and it’s also an excellent way to get acquainted with his subtle happy stims.

He’s a surprisingly picky eater and can’t stand slimy or grainy textures in food. Much of his diet consists of same foods that he’s deemed safe. He tends to gravitate towards sweets, crackers, and canned foods such as Spaghetti-Os or tuna. Although it’s hard to get him to sit down and eat a meal, Egon will readily eat most snacks that are put in front of him. This leads to the others occasionally preparing easy, healthy-ish snacks for him like apple slices with a bit of peanut butter, hard boiled eggs, cucumber slices, almonds, carrot sticks, granola bars, or tuna and crackers. He also likes to multitask while eating.

Thankfully he doesn’t have meltdowns often, but when he does, the best course of action is to let him be until he calms himself. He’ll stim it out in private, allow himself to breathe through the overwhelm, and use music as a grounding tool.

It distresses him when the others mess with his belongings without his permission and he’s been known to snap at people for doing so.

He’s not a huge fan of touch, but he’s also very touch starved. Luckily, Ray is always happy to help. When he feels especially touch starved or emotionally deprived, he requests, “Raymond. Affection.” This is their accepted way for Egon to request an extra tight hug. When he’s had enough, he taps Ray’s shoulder to politely signal “okay, let go of me”.

[opossum-by-night]

Things that I did today, in chronological order:

• Had therapy in which I did the thing where I start getting into something deep in the last 15 minutes of session, which left me kinda ~thrown off~ emotionally, and feeling bad about the general state of myself

• Had my weird overly-friendly old lady neighbor come into our back driveway/patio thing ALL THE WAY UP TO OUR WINDOW AND GLASS BACK DOOR to blow leaves, while I was sitting petrified on the couch in plain sight trying not to move so she wouldn't look in and notice me there

• Had a full-blown panic attack because immediately after the neighbor left, my dad sent me like 3 paragraphs of text yelling at me for not doing a thing that I've been constantly stressing out about doing since we moved here (while I was already fucked up from the above two happenings, and already feeling like shit about how much I struggle to do anything at all)

• Started generally feeling a bit better after the Raccoon got home, and we played some games and ate dinner

• Tried to put up some Christmas lights on the inside of the window at like 1am, and had a cat show up outside and start meowing at me through the window, and when I went outside to see if she had a collar (she did not), she started rubbing up against me and purring and letting me hold her and being an all-around Baby

• Put the cat in the half bathroom and woke up the Raccoon, in spite of him having to work in the morning and it being 1am, because I knew he would kill me if I didn't show him the cat

• Went with the Raccoon at 1:30am to the 24-hour vet up the street to check her for a microchip because we thought she might belong to someone in the neighborhood (no microchip, and also we suspect she's unspayed and pregnant)

• Sat with the Raccoon for like an hour talking about what to do with her, absolutely terrified that if we try to keep her it will end up like the last two times we tried to have a pet in the house - with me in a constant state of incapacitating meltdown and him trying to pretend he's not miserable with allergies - and traumatize both of us again by having to give her up to prevent me having a heart attack and/or total psychotic break

• Had the cat cuddle up happily in both of our laps while I cried about the above, purring and headbutting and generally making it infinitely harder to say a hard no to keeping her

• Put the cat back in the half bath with a plan to talk about it more tomorrow and decide what to do

And now it's almost 5:30am and I don't know what the fuck to do with myself. Self-pitying rambling below the cut.

The Raccoon was so wonderfully understanding and sweet and kind, and reassured me that he would love me and support me even if the worst did happen again. But that almost made it harder?? Because I feel so incredibly fucking guilty about my disability depriving him of things he wants (and me of things I want), especially pets. But I can't put us through rehoming again, even if he says it's okay. I still think about it regularly and hate myself for it even though I know I shouldn't. So I can't decide if I'd hate myself more for doing that again, or for being too scared to ever try again and just resigning both of us to being petless for the foreseeable future. Or, maybe even worse - if we did keep her and it ended up being *more* bearable, too much so for me to be able to justify the trauma of rehoming her, but still moderately miserable and overwhelming enough that I can no longer feel at ease in my own home for the next ~15 years.

And I know there are literally millions of other cats and someday we could have our pick if we wanted to try adopting or fostering again, but the shitty mystical horse girl part of me feels like the cat distribution system has dropped her literally on our doorstep, and passing on her is somehow a mistake?? Like I've been presented with this opportunity to be whimsical and carefree and spontaneous and take in this cat that's as sweet as she could possibly be, and if I don't take it I will inevitably regret throwing it away??? And that's super irrational reasoning obviously, but I'm so fucking emotionally exhausted that I don't even know what to think at this point. And I doubt I'll feel clear-headed and certain in the morning either. Idk man. It's been a fucking day.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi, if you don't answer questions of this nature that's completely fine but I really like your slide shows and feel like they represent how I think and feel and was wondering if you can offer some advice. I had a small meltdown over a cooking mishap and when I verbalized that for the first time as im trying to really advocate for my needs more, my sister (who means well but doesn't really get it) tried comparing it to spirals she gets when her anxiety spikes in an attempt to help me out of it. I have depression so I know what spiraling feels like and I know my meltdowns are nothing like that but I was too upset to explain the difference to her and her trying to tell me that I'll eventually find a way to just get better at pushing through it when I told her I need to let it come and pass just frustrated me more and made me unable to speak for the rest of the night even when I felt better. In short, do you have any tips for explaining autistic meltdowns to allistic people? I know it'll happen again so I know I'll need to explain myself and would appreciate any advice you can provide or resources of yours you could point me to. Thank you.

Hi there,

I found a few articles that might help. According to the first article:

In autistic adults, meltdowns are also a complete loss of control of behavior but that looks very different. In adults, it can look like crying, yelling, lashing out, suicidal ideation, self-harm, inability to talk, lack of ability to think, or rage.

According to research by Phung et al. (2022), autistic adults describe feeling out of control and they feel this with their entire body. They describe having blurry vision, muscles getting hot, cheeks getting warm, and shoulders bunched up. They have a diminished ability to think and sometimes difficulty finding words or remembering basic things. Autistic adults describe feeling completely out of control like everything is fuzzy.

Phung et al. (2022) also describes a stage called burnout, which can proceed meltdown in which the autistic person begins to feel fatigued, overwhelmed, slowed down, and has difficulty with cognition. This is a period where continued pressure and overwhelming sensory and emotional stress begin to erode the autistic person’s ability to function and perform daily tasks. Encouraging autistic people to decrease emotional and sensory pressure at this point can prevent meltdowns.

The Autism Research Institute reports that meltdown is caused by central nervous system overload in autistic people. Recent research shows that autistic people have neurons that are more hyperconnected than neurotypicals. This explains why it is so much easier to overwhelm autistic people. Autistic people’s sensory systems are very different and when things are overwhelming, this can result in complete meltdown.

The article will be below:

According to this article:

Meltdowns are often the result of situations which are highly stimulating or create high levels of anxiety which feel like they can't be escaped. When someone is in this situation their reaction is either flight, fight or freeze. If the person cannot escape that leaves two options: either fight or freeze. 

Meltdowns are similar to the fight response. 

When an autistic person is having a meltdown they often have increased levels of anxiety and distress which are often interpreted as frustration, a 'tantrum' or an aggressive panic attack. 

It's important to understand that meltdowns are not 'temper tantrums'. They are a reaction to a highly distressing situation or environment. 

While in a meltdown a person can be injurious to others or themselves because of the extreme state of anxiety their body is in. That's why it's really important to minimise the risk of this happening - both for the person and those around them. 

Meltdowns are very physically tiring and emotionally draining for the individual. This is because the person has been in a distressing situation and has had a highly adrenalised and emotionalised response. 

The article will be below:

I hope this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Random updates into the void

At my therapy session this week we were talking about the job and aspects I didn’t like, one of them being the social aspect of now working daily with coworkers and how it takes me quite a long time to warm up and trust people and how “masking” is really draining. They asked if I needed recovery time after being social and I said yes, I cannot socialize with friends or anything after work because I’m just so emotionally drained from simple interactions.

The conversation then went into how I mask and I discussed how at my last job I really started to realize how people tend to treat me a little more harsh than others (at the schools) and I started to realize that the other case workers or parents I crossed paths with, the ones that were bubbly and smiley and conversational got better/quicker help/service.

At that point last year, I talked to my very outgoing friend for advice. I did change a lot with how I interact with others thus making things much more draining and hard. Things like over exaggerating my facial expressions, adding more inflections in my voice, asking how people are even tho I don’t care unless we know each other on that level

Then my therapist started asking more neurodivergent questions. I stopped seeking any treatment about this because I’m told I’m too high functioning in life to have any neurodivergence. Like my psychologist who was refusing to give me adhd meds bc “people with adhd can’t get all A’s in grad school”

Anyway, my therapist thinks I may be autistic and had me do some screenings for it of which all were “high chance of autism diagnosis”

They asked if i wanted to pursue a formal diagnosis or treatment and I said maybe, if it could benefit me. Because I have a tendency to hyperfixate on diagnoses I think I have and I don’t want this to be a hyperfixation again.

They said it would likely explain a lot of the reasons I came to therapy. Questions about my identity, rage outbursts, meltdowns, and social challenges.

I think I will pursue the diagnosis in hopes that I can get some accommodations at work. Mainly for them to okay me wearing noise blocking headphones because it’s one of the only things that can pull me out of a meltdown or prevent things from escalating.

We are not allowed to wear them at work, but was told I can play music quietly at my desk. Unfortunately, when I’m stressed out and starting to get overwhelmed, it’s the immersive experience of the music in noise blocking headphones that help soothe me. It’s also very specific music, but that’s neither here nor there.

Was thinking about this because I’m very overstimulated currently from a few different things and I took my lunch early and I’m sitting here with my headphones and like, instant relief.

Feeling kinda validated because it’s something I’ve suspected for a long time and my symptoms, especially the anger/meltdowns that can really interfere with my daily functioning. I’ve been through so much therapy and my anger is the one thing that I can’t seem to fix. It comes on fast and strong and I couldn’t tell you what triggers it. But maybe there’s another angle it can be tackled from a Neurodivergent lens?

[petite-ursus]

Some updates on the pmdd birth control stuff...

I bled for almost a solid month, over April, and had a lot of nausea. That has mostly leveled out.

I still experience mood swings, but to a much lesser degree. I think. It is very weird/disorienting to not have a regular bleed to let me know where I am in my “cycle.” Just something I didn’t anticipate for tracking my moods and if they’re “normal.” There’s definitely something worse about not knowing when or if these feelings are going to end. Like. Knowing the bleeding was going to stop the suicidal ideation was frustrating because fuck this body that feels this way every luteal phase. But at least that was a clear schedule. A clear end. When I could think of it. Now.... I don’t know.

Obviously there are habits and mentalities I’ve built over the years, surrounding my period related mood swings  (if that’s what these are. aaaaaaah.) Things I have to unlearn and work on healthier responses now that I’m (allegedly) not being emotionally waterboarded every month... Like, I’m feeling very sad/stressed/a little sui-slide-al this week. But is that from technically being in my luteal phase or is this an environment issue? Because it really could be. Never discount the advice “Am I crazy, or am I surrounded by ass holes.”

I’m not sure. Is this helping or am I just hoping really hard that it is, and that’s been carrying me through the last two months and now all of those issues are still actually present and not about the environment. That would mean it isn’t pmdd at all? ... I don’t know.

And it’s never ever just one thing. Like, I absolutely have anxiety, to the extent that my therapist once said (in congratulatory way) that I don’t have depression, I’m just so anxious it makes me depressed. I also was diagnosed with adhd when I was a teen, but we didn’t really do anything about it. That has its own symptoms. Pile pmdd on top of that (and the gyno truly believes it is pmdd) and if the birth control is only supposed to reduce those symptoms, not make them go away entirely... yeah, I’d still be symptomatic. There’s also some suspicion that I may also be on the spectrum, which I don’t post about a lot because *shrug* but if that’s the case, having meltdowns from being overstimulated (which anxiety, adhd, and pmdd all do as well) would mean I would still feel... like... this... even with the birth control.

And I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired of getting no empathy because I’m so good at handling everything until I’m not. I’m so tired of living in this body that is full of trauma because I was young, kind, and pretty and folks took took took without any regard for the fact that I was a person. And they still do. And that’s its own environmental thing, not something inside of me. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I hate this body. I hate living in it. I miss being consistent at the box so at least it was strong. Now I can’t get back into the habit and it just makes me feel worse.There are so many ways that I am a better person than when I was a young adult. Calmer, steadier... but what does that matter when my past means I’m also eternally overwhelmed and I just. I want to be able to stop. And there’s no stop. No one is coming. What does it matter that I’ve grown if the thing that created that growth burned my roots and made me shoot up too fast and now I’m stilted, straining towards the sun on a stalk that is too thin? What does any of it matter if every year I just slip further away. (Sorry, this is the sui-slide-al thought process that loops, it slipped its way into here.)

My boobs got bigger, and I’ve lost some water weight. So there’s that. I guess. Hormonal acne seems like it’s the same.

[death-despair-and-dinosaurs]

just me complaining

parents are out of town and im stuck at home with my sister and she pisses me off so much its frustrating. she always pushes the difficult chores off on me and this time i told her shes doing dishes and ill vacuum and shes finding any excuse to try to switch chores with me. i told her earlier that the house smells because nobody empties out the dogs wet food bowls, just stacks them on top of her kennel and hopes someone else will do it and she told me "if it bothers you so much then do it yourself" as if half those bowls arent growing mold and count as dishes, as if im not the one doing everything else in the house too, feeding the pets and cleaning up after them and making dinners and running errands and shes going to find some excuse to not do dishes so itll be stuck on me.

i feel like i cant complain to any of my friends about anything, one of them talks to me like theyre scolding a child, one of them is emotionally exhausted from their own shit and the other is in opposite time zone of me and is always asleep when im awake.

i keep having really bad anxiety and (possibly autistic (im undiagnosed but im pretty sure)) meltdowns over small shit like the kitchen being a mess and my room being dirty and having to do simple things and i know im just being stupid about these things but its causing so much stress for me and i cant walk into the kitchen without feeling so overwhelmed.

i feel so guilty that im unemployed and like the agreement with my parents was that i work on my mental health and then i get a job but i feel so guilty using their money and i feel so guilty that i never have enough energy to do things around the house like if im unemployed i should have so much energy to do chores and help do stuff but all i do is lay around and read and play on my phone and i hate myself for it i hate that just getting out of bed is such a struggle some days and that self care is sometimes too much to deal with that i just ignore it. i hate myself why cant i be better? why cant i be a normal person. my mom and sister have bounds of energy they can actually do stuff (not that my sister ever does)

and we had a family discussion about things that were bothering us and the thing my sister brought up was that every time im asked to do something i have a meltdown over it and its so frustrating how do i make them understand that all of my energy goes towards staying alive and if i have to put any more energy towards other things it feels like too much for me to handle but if i tell them no then i get yelled at so i do it anyways i just have to have a meltdown while i do it but that bothers them so much. nobody understands i feel like an outcast and like nobody is going to ever understand me or how i am or what im dealing with.

i just want this to end i just want to die and be done with this life. im not meant to live like this im not meant to exist in this world the way i am and u wish people would stop trying to stop me from killing myself. i wish i had enough courage to end it. im weak.

[ssparksflyy]

hi hi!!

i love ur writing sm can i req a luke x aphrodite reader where the reader is insecure from a scar she got on a quest and luke comforts her?

btw no pressure or anything! i know how stressful requests can be <33

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨ stars around our scars ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

pairing luke castellan x daughter of aphrodite!reader warning(s) me being really shitty at describing where scars are, me not knowing how to treat cuts, swearing word count 1.1k an i feel like this sounds so pick me but i only ever curl my lashes cause my mommy mother dearest wont let me do anything else yet so idk how 2 use concealer or nothin nd i hope this doesnt sound too stupid 😭

you took a step back as you finished ( your attempt to ) covering up the scar sitting diagonally on the left side of your forehead. it was just barely above your eyebrow, running down to the top of your ear. you hated the stupid thing. you hated how you could've avoided getting it in the first place if you'd just moved quicker. maybe you might've been able to move quicker if you trained harder and longer, instead of fooling around. if you just tried harder.

you exhaled in frustration as you grabbed your concealer, ready to put another layer on the ugly thing. you'd spent hours yesterday trying to find a hairstyle that would cover up the scar, but it always managed to peak out a little, sending you into a meltdown. emotionally, you'd been so fragile after your quest, a singular wrong move managing to bring you to tears.

you reached for your concealer, placing some on top of your scar and grabbing your brush, quickly trying to hide the wretched thing. when you realized it wasnt working, you could feel the tears brimming in your eyes, the familiar overwhelming feeling slowly creeping in. you reached for the bottle again without looking in a hurry, your eyes fixated on your reflection in the mirror, watching as tears threatened to fall. your hand missed the bottle and instead sent it flying off the bathroom sink's counter, hitting the floor with a shatter. you gasped as you quickly fell to your knees, trying to pick up the glass from the floor.

somebody knocked on the door, "you okay in the angel?", you heard their voice say from the other side of the bathroom door. was that luke? it had to be luke. when had he gotten here?

"y-yea! im okay!", you shouted back. you could hear your voice shaking, and you knew he could too.

you quickly began picking up pieces of glass off of the floor, tears now falling from your eyes as you grunted in anger every time a piece of your hair would fall into your face and blocked your vision. a large piece fell in your face when you balled up for fist that had glass in it without thinking. you quickly yelped out in pain, small shards of glass lying in your palm.

you heard the bathroom door open swiftly, quickly looking up to see luke standing in the door frame. he let out a small gasp when he saw your hand, quickly moving over to you.

"shit- here, here, cmere baby" he said, holding your other hand and guiding you back up to the sink.

he turned the faucet on and stuck his hand in the water, making sure it wasn't too hot, but still warm. after just a few seconds, he grabbed your other hand gently, holding it by your wrist, careful not to touch the palm of your hand until he could see the cuts.

"is this too hot?" he asked, putting just your fingers under the water.

you shook your head, wiping away your tears. your hand was aching, but luke's touch alone was enough to help calm you down a little.

he moved the rest of your hand under the water, grabbing soap to help clean the cut. he seemed to know exactly what to do, and you just let him take care of you.

once he finished cleaning the cuts, he asked you to sit atop of the bathtub as he crouched down to search for your cabin's first aid kit. when he found the bedazzled thing, he was quick to rummage through it in search for tweezers. he found a pair and sat next to you on the bathtub, taking your injured hand and holding it in his left hand as he began picking out the pieces of glass with the tweezers in his right.

you sat in comfortable silence as luke continued to take out small pieces of glass, making sure he got every last bit out. you wanted to talk to him, to thank him for what he was doing, but you felt embarrassed in a way. embarrassed that this had happened and luke was the one to take care of you, again. if only you'd paid more attention. again.

when he finished pulling out the glass, he reached over to the first aid kit again, putting the tweeers back and this time pulling out a bandage roll.

"what happened? i mean, i know you dropped something but like why?" he asked, as he slowly began to wrap the bandages around your palm.

"i wasn't paying attention, as always." you said, muttering the last part.

he looked up at you, his brows furrowed in confusion, "as always? what do you mean?"

"well i mean i got this dumb scar on my head because i wasn't paying attention, now this? one day i'll get myself killed because i'm not paying attention" you said bitterly.

he finished bandaging your hand and turned it over to press a kiss on your knuckles, "everybody makes mistakes. so what if you weren't paying attention? i don't know a single person at camp who hasn't gotten hurt because they weren't paying attention- including myself. it's normal angel, no need to beat yourself up for it."

"still doesn't get rid of this stupid scar" you muttered.

he paused, studying the scar on your forehead, just now noticing the very obvious layer of makeup on it. his eyes wandered over to the shattered bottle on the floor.

"is that what this is about?" he asked, pointing over to the mess on the floor, "your scar?"

you looked away and nodded your head slowly.

"im... im not pretty anymore." you said, tears beginning to form.

luke almost laughed out of shock, "what? where did you ever get that idea??"

"oh come on, luke! ive got this huge mark across my forehead, youre seriously telling me thats pretty?" you exclaimed.

"angel, in no way does that scar take away from your beauty at all. youre still the same gorgeous girl you were before." he said, moving closer to you.

he pressed a soft kiss on it, "and besides- i think it makes you look tough."

you smiled, "really?"

"mhm, like yea you like ribbons and bows and frilly things, but at the same time it says you can drop kick a bear" he replied.

your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at his comparison but couldn't help laughing.

"what? no bear?" he asked.

you just rolled your eyes and kissed him.

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

little did he know, just the sight of the identical scar on his left cheek would be enough to almost send him running back to you after his betrayal.

[souldivide]

had a dream that my mom had another meltdown and i screamed and cried at her so much that i lost my voice and i couldn’t scream anymore and i was growing more and more exhausted by the minute. it was disorienting how i physically couldn’t talk at all no matter how desperate and dizzy i was to cry even more, only to wake up and use my voice just fine

anyways, im emotionally exhausted. i comforted my mother for 4 or 5 hours last night, in i think her worst meltdown ever. it feels bad, but even when she was thrashing and screaming out on the bed i felt not a lot at all. i think i have trouble processing the urgency and consequences of the situation because i just didn’t feel anything. even when i saw her in distress.

now that my brothers in the psych ward due to what happened. i don’t know how much more of this we can take, but the problem is that it may not matter at all because we still have to take it. when my brother finishes his time in the ward, or in rehab, what will we do ? will it go back to normal? and will he go back to rehab? or will we find him overdosed?. we can’t kick him out, he has no one. he’ll probably end up in danger or dead or worse. He’s suicidal. we can’t even tell if it’s either the withdrawal that’s making him like this, or a mental disorder, or both.

ive never seen my mom cry like this before ever in my life and i dont know what i can do about it other than expect the worse or something, like his name on the news. im worried he’s changing so much and its been going on for so long that there’s nothing we can do because of how much we’ve pushed him and looked out for him already. i think with all the support we’ve given him, it has to be him to take control and figure things out. but the worst thing is that even with him working to get to rehab he’s still showing the same reactions that make me FEEL (not KNOW) that he will not change. and that he will be the same person and it’ll be a cycle. i feel like i should have experience and therefor know what to do, with all this drug abuse in the family but im soo tired. I don’t know how to feel scared even though this should be the most stressful thing in my life, but i just don’t feel anythinggg. i really hate my brother, he makes me so angry and i hate this complex around me and i hate how he treats me, but i don’t want anything bad to happen to him. i want him to be okay. I do not know what to do. I feel like no matter what happens somethings going to happen to him by the end of the year. we can’t afford the bills for my mom as is. We can’t afford to keep him here because of how much money he takes from either of us. none of his friends that we trust talk to him anymore. ahhh, i don’t know what to do. i feel exhausted . i had one month of piece but i think im not allowed to relax for so long. im so overwhelmed

my moms meltdown last night was terrifying. her drunk and screaming and wobbling around. glass broken. I still feel adrenaline i think. i tried to take care of her, clean up the mess and get her to bed. Cut her off from alcohol. im tired. she thinks he’s going to die too. I know we both know it. I don’t know what we can do about it that won’t end up in hurting him or damaging our already fucked relationship even more. i wish our family wasn’t so small. if my mom passes it’ll just be me and my brother going separate ways, but if he passes too then i really will be on my own. i kind of don’t know what to do going forward if that happens, even if i have a plan. i wish i was someone with a much better life right now. Wish i had everything and a happy family lol

[loominilearning]

What Sensory Overload Symptoms Are

Stress and sensory overload are both mental health problems closely linked. If someone is already stressed or overwhelmed, they may be more likely to have sensory overload in some scenarios. In the same way, having too many senses can make you feel anxious. 

Many things can lead to sensory overload symptoms, and some health problems can make you more interested in it. However, there are many ways to deal with this kind of sensitivity and avoid getting too stressed out.

How Does Sensory Overload Feel?

Sensory overload symptoms vary by person and circumstance, but you need to quit conflicting senses to focus on one sensory area.

It can make your heart beat fast, make you sweat, and make you feel disconnected. You might feel anxious or angry like you can't think straight and your mind is overloaded. This might make you want to fight, run away, or freeze, or you might want to cover your ears or eyes to block out some noise.

The signs and sensory overload symptoms are a lot like those kids have when they have sensory overload. It might be harder for kids to understand what it means to be in sensory overload. They generally react by getting angry instead of trying to calm down the different senses.

Some of the emotional effects of sensory overload include:

Taste

You do not like the soft, salty shellfish when you try it for the first time. You freak out and spit it out because of the way it tastes and feels.

Hearing

The first example at the start of this piece shows what an auditory sensory overload looks like. There is already too much noise in the room for your brain to handle any more loud sounds. 

Sight

When you get home from a long day at work, there is mess all over the place, dirty dishes in the sink, and your partner watching TV on the couch. Your brain gets too busy processing what you see because there are many visual cues. 

Touch

When your clothes are too tight or itchy, you feel trapped and anxious. 

Smell

When someone gets into the lift with you and smells like they just took a shower with perfume on, the smell makes you feel like you could choke or throw up because it is so strong.

How Do You Know If You Have Sensory Overload?

An annoying feeling from some information is different from sensory overload. It's more like an overpowering or overstimulating feeling you can't handle now. Individuals with this condition often have various causes and sensory overload symptoms. If you're having a sensory overload response, signs might include:

Anxiety and not being able to calm down

Being irritable

Kids' temper tantrums

Physical pain and restlessness

You need to put your hands over your eyes and ears to block out what's coming in.

Panic, fear, or stress

When you're very excited or "wounded up,"

Wanting to get away from what's causing the emotional overload

When kids have too much physical input, they often have a temper tantrum or meltdown, which adults may mistake for bad behavior. Figuring out where a child is feeling too much can help you tell the difference between behavior problems and stress caused by sensory overload and worry.

Is Sensory Overload Anxiety or ADHD?

You might have trouble understanding sensory information if you have Attention Deficit Disorder, whether hyperactive, inattentive, or a mix of the two. It's still possible to experience sensory overload symptoms, even if you don't pay much attention to your surroundings or find it hard to block out what's not important. This can happen even if you are sensitive to a lot of things.

People with ADHD may act impulsively, react emotionally, be too active, have trouble controlling their emotions, or focus too much. Because of these problems, it might be tough for an ADHD person to tell when enough is enough before they hit the point of sensory overload.

Due to his lack of awareness of his sensory regulation needs or the sensory stimuli around him, he often becomes aware too late and feels sensory overload.

How Do You Fix Sensory Overload?

Anyone who has sensory overload symptoms will feel scared, stressed, or worn out. There are signs that someone with a sensory processing disorder is feeling stressed, like stimming more, getting irritable, or pulling away. You should help them figure out what they need to calm down. 

Sensory goods are another great way to feel better when you have sensory overload. Here are some sensory products that can help someone having a hard time. All of these items can help users feel better by calming them down and giving them something to do to help them recover from feeling too much:

Aromatherapy

Make a relaxing sensory place without any lights or sounds. This is great for people experiencing sensory overload because it can be used by those who find sound and sight too much.

Soft Play

When too much stimulation leads to a meltdown, a soft play area can be a safe place to let out their feelings and move around in any way that works for them.

Bubble Tubes

Bubble tubes are great for focusing in a quiet room because they make a soft light and a quiet bubbling sound. They can also help calm someone upset.

Final Thoughts

Anyone can have sensory overload symptoms, but people with autism, ADHD, PTSD, and other diseases are more likely to have it. It makes you feel uncomfortable and stressed. It can help to get away from things that make you feel bad, like loud noises or strong smells.

No matter who you are, sensory overload can happen to any of your five senses. Talking to a doctor or nurse is important if you are having trouble worrying and/or panic attacks. They can tell you about your choices, which could include therapy, changes to your lifestyle, and ways to deal with your problems. 

[fuumiku]

Catharsis

This thing legit took me like 2 months bc it got corrupted twice and I had to start over again and again haha,, But I finally got my new ipad + apple pencil!! So you know this is the first thing I’m going to finish with it hah. Y’all can have different versions as a treat because I’m indecisive af ALSO I KNOW that the way I drew Metal’s upper quill isn’t right, it’s heresy I know I know, I prob won’t draw it this way again but I just wanted to. It’ll also be higher resolution next time I swear... Dropping 2 Metal Sonic angst fics I wrote here too bc why not:

Forget Me Not:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/39893574  “Sometimes, even though Metal Sonic has an infallible data card with undeletable memory files, he wishes he could forget. “ / Soft angst about Eggman being an abusive parent. No metamy

(And so,) I Mourn the World and Myself:  https://archiveofourown.org/works/40428456 / angst with a touch of comfort, major theme of suicidal ideation and depression, pre-established metamy.

There’s something paining about how Metal Sonic can’t cry. Like...

"Crying is an excellent way to release stress and pent-up negative emotions and turmoil.” Metal: haha, guess I’ll die

It’s pretty much canon that Metal channels his pain into (emotionally-drive) impulsive self-destructive acts and goals, and ties it all in a neat bow of anger that hides envy and bitterness. What I love about Metal Sonic particularly is how he’s so fully denied any sort of catharsis. His only parental figure shuns vulnerable emotions like sadness and compassion and pushes him to be an hypercompetent tool of war. He physically can’t cry, talk nor make facial expressions, so he can’t even talk about himself or his feelings at all, he’s so isolated with his own thoughts, he has so little capacity for self-expression. What else is there than smashing things up to be seen? He has no one, people wouldn’t lend him the ear he needs even if he could talk probably, and the person people assume is his biggest ally and most positive relationship (Eggman) damages his mental health more than anyone else. He seeks catharsis through unleashing anger, but it makes him make bad impulsive decisions that cost him both victory and his own health, that feel unsatisfying after the fact, and that reinforce the evil image people have of him. He struggles with his identity, self-esteem, rigid thinking and world view, and his parental figure set the basis for that from day 1 and encourages his instability, he ends up coping through delusions that become huge and so destructive most notably in Sonic Heroes. He wants to be free. He wants to be someone. He wants to be seen and acknowledged for all the efforts he makes and all his objectively great achievements and abilities. Mostly, he wants to be loved, hoping even through his self-delusions that one day he could be, without having to always prove that he’s worthy of it

So yeah I wanted to do something with that, I really like the idea that he’d cry through electricity discharges like this. It’s a system dysfunction, like an uncontrollable overspill of emotions and energy, it’s big and bright because of his subconscious & vulnerable want to be seen, and it’s dangerous and angry like the power he wants to emanate. Harsh rough inhuman edges that scare, but in truth it’s just very sad and desperate. Loss of control my beloved, he’d either be so afraid of that or convinces himself that he intended it all along. Meltdown? Meltdown. (Anyone love how meltdown is a term used with nuclear reactor dysfunction as well? Me too) 

Might as well say this too but usually when Metal is "crying", tbh moreso having a metldown yeah, but like needing to externalize his pain and sadness, I imagine him a lot like Whitty from Friday Night Funkin’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU4jB8OIG-U&t=34s&ab_channel=ChrisuGaming You love to see a guy break down because of an overwhelming mess of emotions, because anger is a bad ✨coping mechanism✨. I just imagine Metal a lot like some silent pariah, crying in a way that is so invisible, until he explodes. Which, for this pic it’s definitely more on the silent pariah side, but pretty much on the verge of cracking yeah.

Tldr: Mob psycho 100% meltdowns is just autism culture

Also if ya like the vibes of this and how I see Metal, here’s my spotify playlist of  him if you want to listen! I’m huge on the theme of emotional suppression and breakdowns heh: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2IzscWh2HsWPZE5sgJUbt1?si=2bc8943c91474476

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity! I wanted to ask for some advice because I feel very stuck and don't really know what to do with myself. I think I'm ISTP either e5 or e6 (but if what I write sounds like I'm mistyped, I'd be happy to hear your thoughts). Recently I became really sad and stressed, and I noticed that when I become stressed I start to crave human interaction more and actually want to be more around other people (but like, not to vent to them, just spending time). Which sounds great on paper, but it makes me stressed about the fact that I'm becoming too needy and too clingy. I don't have a lot of friends, and I feel like I am annoying the crap out of my friends with invitations to spend time with them more than usual. I feel the need to distance myself because I don't want to become dependent on someone else, and, to be honest, deep down it feels embarrassing to reach out to others so much, it's like I'm desperate or something. And I absolutely don't want to appear desperate, I don't want anyone to know that I'm sad or lonely, because I feel like overtime I (not very consciously) made myself look like this confident and independent person who is really good on their own, and I don't want anyone to know that I am not always like that, I guess. So I end up wanting to be with people more, and in result isolating myself even more in order to not be perceived and clingy and needy. I find it hard to show "vulnerable" emotions like asking for help or admitting that I don't really feel good, and also I feel like telling people things like these will guilt-trip them into spending more time with me, since I know that both of them have trouble saying "no", even if they really don't want to do something. I'm scared that will start seeing me as a burden or an annoyance. At first I assumed that it was one of those "Fe meltdowns" but it's been going for a few weeks now, but I don't know what else I am supposed to do other than just "wait it out". I mean, I even cried about it, and I cry very rarely. What do you think I could do? And do you think I might be mistyped and my whole approach/coping mechanisms were wrong from the beginning? Thank you so much! 

It's not inconsistent with ITP, so there's no need to worry about being mistyped.

So, let’s address this point by point.

It’s not wrong to crave human interaction when you feel stressed or sad, but you also need to figure out WHY you are feeling stressed and sad. ITPs struggle to pay attention to their own feelings until they become overwhelming, because they don’t value their feelings enough. So, what is happening in your life that is making you stressed or making you sad? Are you experiencing something traumatic or emotionally significant? (I don’t know… a difficult job making you realize that life isn’t what you thought it would be; a relationship falling apart; the death of a dream; not being happy with what you are doing with your career, etc.) It might be worth it to take a step back and consider what might be triggering this “neediness.” Once you know what it is, then perhaps you can take steps to resolve it through decisive action (a different job, fewer hours, trying something new, etc).

Have your friends given you any indication that you are annoying? What makes you think they aren’t enjoying spending more time with you, especially if it’s not “overpowering” (not to vent)? It’s good to be thoughtful about others’ time, but friends generally enjoy each other’s company, especially around the holidays. (For that matter, could the holidays be triggering this in some way? An unresolved issue from your past centered around Christmas, you feeling alone for some reason, etc? Think about anything that might be pertinent.)

You can be independent without being “an island.” Needing friends or companionship doesn’t make you any less strong, resourceful, or self-reliant. We all through times in our lives when we need or want people around us more or less. This is just one of those times, and there is no need to feel ashamed of it.

I understand not wanting to seem needy or admit to feeling lonely, but… you should also know that those are normal human emotions, so it’s okay to admit to feeling that way. If anything, it might even deepen your friendships, for them to know that they are valued by you.

Lastly, don’t hold yourself back from what you need. That’s not going to help you, and it may increase your depression. Maybe it would help you to decide how much socializing would be enough for you, but not be a “burden” on your friends, and set it up in advance, so you have something to look forward to. (I’m not sure what kind of socializing you mean – whether it’s in person stuff or texting or whatever.)

You could be a 5w6 based on this, leaning more into your 6 wing and feeling awkward in doing so, since you are used to doing things for yourself. But as I said, it’s fine to need people—and it may be that your need to be with your friends is your mind/body/heart telling you that to avoid a genuine, serious depression, you need support.

[hargrove-mayfields]

Please do a story where autistic max is getting bullied and billy steps in

warnings for ableism and implied child abuse.

Max is fourteen now. She doesn’t need anybody looking after her like she’s some baby or something just because she’s, as her mother had put it when she was refusing this very same notion, special. She can handle herself.

That’s what she believes at least, and definitely what Billy does too, the both of them tired of being babysit and doing the babysitting respectively, but her mother is very adamant on keeping her pearls clutched in one hand and the other tight fisted in any decision or action her daughter makes.

So naturally, because this is the same woman that thinks Max is immature and faking half her symptoms go spit her, she also assumes she’s completely incapable of taking care of herself, whether that’s because she’s disabled or because she’s a faker is another story, so that’s the way things go anyways, with her step brother having to watch her like she’s still seven years old and meeting him for the first time.

Their relationship is on the upswing after things settled in Hawkins, but Max still wants her independence and Billy wants to give it to her, the last thing a seventeen year old boy really want is to watch his little sister like she’s on a play date, so their usual agreement is for Billy to take Max wherever he gets told to take her and just drop her off, finding something else to do in the area until it’s time to pick her up.

That system had yet to fail them, so when Max gets an invite to the arcade literally the day after she gets ungrounded after sneaking out again for the third time since they moved to Hawkins and begs her mother for literal hours to let her go this time, the compromise is that she can go, but only as long as Billy goes with her, and just like usual, he just drops her off at the door with a promise to be back before too late, and drives off to go do something she probably doesn’t want to know the details of.

Her friends are already there, and they all play together for a little bit, but while Max was bargaining for permission and waiting for Billy to get his lecture from both parents before they could even think about leaving for the arcade, Lucas and Mike and Dustin and Will had already been there and playing, so by the time she showed up, it didn’t take long for them to get bored of being there or run out of pocket change.

Max doesn’t like plans changing though, and she came to the arcade to play, so even as the last of the party is getting on their bikes or in their own respective cars to be picked up, she just waves goodbye from the door before turning sharply back to the dig dug cabinet, too set on replacing every high score with her name to just leave on a whim because her friends were.

Similarly, Max also finds it pretty hard to keep track of time. It’s like once she starts doing something she planned to do, she has to finish it, so by the time she’s gotten bored of literally everything there is to play in the place and spent nearly every last quarter she’d been collecting for the weeks she was confined to the house as punishment, it’s already fallen dark outside, the arcade close to closing.

That’s not really a problem in it of itself, she has no curfew anymore now that she’s not off the hook, and anyways that was only ever about punishment, not safety, since her mother said bad things don’t happen in small towns. Billy argued that they do if you’re the right kind of person though, for which he got promptly smacked in the mouth, but Max thinks he’s probably right.

Because she’s autistic and she has a gay older brother, and currently she’s one of only a handful of kids left at the arcade at closing, and that is exactly the problem. Max is alone, at night, in a town that’s still mostly unfamiliar as with the person who was supposed to be watching her nowhere in sight, and she’s being tailed as she goes towards the double door exit by the only other kids there, two boys and a girl all at least a year older than her whose names she’d never really caught.

This wouldn’t be her first run in with this group. She’s just an easy target, and that’s exactly what they’re looking for, and these three had been picking on her practically since she showed her face in the arcade for the first time. Only they’d never really stayed this late, and the extent of their tormenting was typically unoriginal insults thrown from the other side of the room that she was bored of and could ignore pretty easily.

She’d like to think that maybe this wasn’t a bad thing going to happen, just a coincidence that those three were still lurking around. Keith was about to close up the arcade anyways, so they were probably just waiting until it closed to leave too.

Max realizes that definitely isn’t the case though when the second they’re out those glass front doors, the girl roughly snatches her bag off of her shoulder.

Usually she’d leave the bag in Billy’s car when she went out somewhere, but she had enough extra money saved up tonight that she wanted it in a change purse instead of her pocket so she didn’t lose it, and since the change purse was small and easy to misplace and her brain a little bit flighty, she just brought the whole bag.

The whole bag which happened to have everything of importance to her in it, not only her money, but also her notebook, her school id, and all of her stim toys.

By her parents' rules, she wasn’t allowed to stim loudly or in a way they deemed embarrassingly, especially not in public, so she brought toys with her everywhere, and now they were being stolen from her because she was too busy trying to think like Susan, that nothing bad could possibly happen, unless of course she brought it on herself, but that’s just not the case.

And either way, she needed those toys back, the situation at home worsening and leaving behind her favorite behavior therapist during the move and so many other things had made her stress skyrocket, and likewise her meltdowns, so she truly needed those toys to help her.

“Give that back!” Max insists after a pause where she was trying to wrap her mind around what was happening, and tries to snatch the bag back, grabbing the straps and trying to pull it back towards herself when the girl starts rummaging through it.

All that gets her is being shoved roughly into one of the boys, who grabs onto her arm tight enough to leave bruises in the shape of his fingertips on her pale skin, and a taunting sneer of, “Sorry, retard. Finders keepers.”

The girl digs around in her bag, looking for a wallet or a checkbook or something, but Max wasn’t even trusted to take her walkie talkie out of the house, let alone any actual money other than the quarters she and Billy saved up, so other than the now empty coin purse, she was broke.

When all she finds is Max’s things, she drops the bag, making everything she’d disrupted spill out of it, and curses, “What the hell is all this junk?”

Max isn't really listening though, because the minute the bag spilt, the two boys took to picking the things they thought might be of value, and in the case of the things they didn’t, like her magic snake that clicked in just the right way when it moved, they’d drop them again, and literally stomp on them, or snap them in two first.

Her mind is much too focused on watching her toys be broken or stolen, that just she doesn’t hear it when she’s asked a question. She very much feels the consequence though, a slap to the back of the head from the boy who didn’t have a grip on her arm hard enough to make her neck sore and bring tears to her eyes, so she forces herself to tune back into things.

“We asked you a question, dumbass. Why are you carrying around a bag of toys like a baby or somethin’?”

“B-Because I need them so I can stim.” Max answers honestly, trying her damndest not to cry, to prove to them she was not a baby, but it didn’t feel like it was too far off, as she was getting more and more emotionally overwhelmed, also getting closer and closer to a meltdown.

“Stim? What the hell is that?” She hears one of the boys ask, and the other chimes in, “Probably something to do with being retarded.”

The older girl snaps at the boys arguing behind Max, “Does it matter? Let’s just take her money and get the hell out of here.”

They keep arguing, and Max is again past the point of processing really anything that’s going on around her, the arcade with all its lights and noises and crowds was already an overwhelming sensory experience, and now with the other kids shouting at her and the aching bruises that were now forming on her skin, it’s all just too much for her.

It’s for that reason that she doesn’t have enough focus left for it to really click what’s happening other than the kids surrounding her freezing up, and bright lights and loud noises that make her squeeze her eyes shut and cover her ears.

What it is though is Billy, brights on, stopping with the front two wheels of the camaro on the sidewalk, and slamming his door hard enough as he gets out that it echoes off the trees way at the back of the arcade.

Billy’s yelling too, threats to call the police and damnation and all kinds of things that Max is too busy trying to remember how to breathe and pick up everything that had spilled out of her bag to hear, and the bullies end up scampering off once Billy’s voice gets scratchy and angry in that way it gets when he and Neil argue, dropping everything where it was and just bolting.

Max hears Billy sigh and sees his kneel down next to her, his face so much kinder to her than he had looked for those kids who were hurting her, come into her limited line of sight as he kneels down next to her on the sidewalk, which she hadn’t even noticed she had sat down on, and he asks her, “You okay, Max?”

And at first, Max was going to say yes, she’d taken worse than that from teachers who didn’t want stim toys in class and as punishments from her parents, but it scared her, the way that he had asked, because he didn’t call her shitbird or kiddo or brat face, he called her by her name, and she bursts into tears almost immediately after he asks.

She’s still not really in a meltdown, which was exhausting, those emotions needed to come out and they just weren't, but it’s still bad enough Billy has to sit fully down on the sidewalk and wait it out with her before they can get back in the car. He puts his hand high on her chest and makes her sit up straight to keep her breathing under control and lets her rock herself until Max’s heavy sobs eventually slow to a couple of stray tears, and then she nods, a wordless way to tell Billy she was ready to go home.

Before they can leave though, they still have more to talk about, a conversation that they don’t want their parents a part of, and they both know it. Still, the car is silent for a minute, nothing but the sound of Max’s sniffles and the creak of the leather steering wheel cover cracking under the pressure of Billy’s angry grip, fists opening and closing around it.

Max is the first to break it, her voice so weak with residual fear and tears it’s barely audible as she gets her brothers attention, “Billy?”

He sighs through his nose, to try to calm down before he talks to Max more than anything, and lets go of the wheel, knowing that was only making things worse, “What is it, kiddo?”

“Are you going to tell?” She’s doing that thing where she presses her palms together and pushes until her knuckles turn white, very clearly nervous asking, so Billy clarifies, “Do you want me to tell?”

Immediately Max shakes her head no. They both know this little incident could get them back on lockdown, Max because her mother would be worried for her precious, breakable little daughter, and Billy because he was supposed to be there.

Not that Billy gave a shit about saving his own hide at the moment, but if Max didn’t want him to tell and get them in heaps of trouble, he wouldn’t, and that’s exactly what he tells her, “Then no, we’ll keep it between us, but you gotta have an excuse ready for those bruises and scrapes.”

Max shrugs, almost too nonchalant, “I’m a skater, skaters get lots of injuries.”

“Don’t think I like how quick you came up with that.” Billy looks over at her, and Max’s gaze shifts to the window behind him as she responds bluntly, “Yeah, well I learned from the best, didn't I?”

“I guess you did.” Billy sighs, doesn’t like to admit the influence he’s had on Max’s in that way. He wants to lead a good example, be the big brother she needed him to be and instead he was teaching her how to lie to her parents and make excuses for injuries.

Though really, in the case of their parents, he guesses that was exactly the type of brother he needed to be. One who teaches her how to avoid her abusers instead of how to avoid annoying boys at school, and who will help her figure out loopholes to punishments and rules instead of her math homework. Just the thought of that concept makes his chest ache.

He starts the car, noting that the vibrations of the engine through the car help to ease the tension out of Max’s shoulders and revving it a couple more times than necessary, “Let’s just get you home, shitbird.”

[adultingautistic]

Is it common to feel the effects of autistic meltdown/shutdown more intensely during PMS? I just woke up today feeling kinda numb, kinda sad. I'm not interested in my hyperfixations as I normally am but still trying to find some distraction in it. I feel like crying but I don't wanna cry. I'm not hungry either. Do you think there are peculiarities of autism that increase those things? Thanks for the blog, I feel comfortable coming here.

Ask date: September 12th

Yes, absolutely.  PMS happens because of the changes in hormone levels in your body that are a precursor to menstruation.  Hormones affect human emotions very strongly.  The most well-known hormone is adrenaline, and I’m sure everyone has felt the rush that happens when you’re suddenly in danger (sometimes we even cause it to happen for fun, like on roller coasters).  

So before mensuration, your hormone levels are changing, which makes your emotions just more.  More intense.  If you’re happy, you’re more happy.  If you’re sad, you’re more sad.  If you’re angry, you’re more angry.

The thing with autism is, overload can happen both from sensory input or from emotional input.  And they stack.  That means if you have higher emotional levels, then it will take less sensory input to send you into overload.  You can also reach meltdown/shutdown levels of overload just from emotions, as well.

So during PMS, it takes less before your emotions are overwhelming your brain, sending you into overload.  What you can normally handle, both sensory-wise and emotionally, suddenly becomes too much during PMS.

PMS makes everything more.  So it can also make you more sensitive to sensory inputs as well, because what would normally be a small annoyance is now BIG.  

So it’s not so much your autism increasing your PMS- it’s PMS increasing your sensitivity to autism.  PMS makes everyone more sensitive, autistics too, and when we’re under emotional stress we appear “more autistic” because we have less energy for masking.

So yes, this is completely normal, and happens to probably most menstruating autistic people.

[thisstableground]

I kinda want to see how Usnavi deal with stress or when he's sad in general. Idk if you mind,,,, just in the mood for angsty stuff,,,,,

why would he deal with stress or sadness when he can just repress it heavily until he has an anxiety breakdown about it?!! 

 i pretty much see him as working in a cycle like that and never quite learning to just share his feelings BEFORE they get overwhelming. i think he was much less anxiety prone when he was a kid/teenager – he had his share of heartaches and stresses and things that upset him, especially when it came to schoolwork, but even when he was struggling he had this optimism at his core that everything would work out okay eventually. he’d talk to his parents or his friends or abuela and know that they’d help him out, he had this kind of confidence in his support system. 

 and then his parents died, and it pretty much changed his entire worldview. for one, it made him a lot more anxious on a daily basis, because now he can’t tell hiimself that everything turns out okay when he knows that sometimes it doesnt and how badly wrong things can go. this is also where i see a lot of his tendency to just kind of freeze up and not know how to act starts: he’s so worried about making the wrong choices and losing someone/something important to him again that he’ll just sit and talk himself in circles for hours without making any progress. and he still trusts his support system as people, but he has this new fear now that somehow he’ll lose them too, so there isn’t quite the same sense of security about it. 

 he was pretty fucked up after it happened and when he’s finally made some progress on recovering from that, that i think he’s very scared of ever ending up in that dark emotional place again. a lot of little habits that crop up whenever he’s feeling particularly bad are ones that started around that time: he’s a stress smoker, and even though he doesn’t smoke regularly theres always periods of a week or two a couple of times a year where he temporarily picks it back up again. he already isn’t the best sleeper but it gets significantly worse when he’s having a bad time so he takes a lot of depression naps to make up for only getting 3 hours of sleep at night. he has a tendency to just kind of disappear without telling people, not on purpose and like obviouslyy he’s still in the store but he’ll suddenly stop answering texts and he’ll cancel socialising plans for no reason. he’s usually way more on the hyperactive side of ADHD but when he’s in a bad place emotionally then he tends to lean way more to inattentive type, just spacing out mid-conversation. 

he always has this worry that if he’s kept hold of these bad habits from after his folks died then what if that means the rest of it could also come back? he hated feeling that way, so he worries that by acknowledging when he’s feeling bad then he’ll be opening a door to the whole thing coming back as hard as it did the first time. and he also knows how much everyone who loves him worried about him during that time and he feels this sense of duty to not put them through that again and to keep them all happy. he puts a lot of his sense of self in being the bubbly, cheerful, silly dude he is and it’s sort of a blow to his sense of identity whenever he’s having a prolonged bad time, so again, just tries to put the happy face on and hope it all blows over. 

he also, i think, feels a very increased need to look after people and to be the caretaker role, partly because he’s trying to make up for his own sense of guilt about his parents, and partly because it just makes him feel more in control of his life, so he isn't as good at letting people take care of him when he feels like he should be taking care of them. usnavi is someone who knows how to work his ass off and he works his ass off at being happy as much as he does with running the store. 

he’s still got a lot of optimism, its just that his life has put a lot of anxieties and mental roadblocks in the way of it: it’s not so much that he believes everything will work out fine the way he used to believe, but more that he so desperately wants everything to be fine and is trying his best to make it happen. i dont think this is always a bad thing: sometimes just telling himself that things will be okay and making himself go about his life as usual and refusing to let lifeget him down does help, because some problems fade away on their own if you don’t give them the time of day.

 but then for recurring/long-lasting problems like money, health, exhaustion, grief etc it’s the exact opposite of helpful, because the problem isn’t going away and so repressing it just means he’s shoving more and more things inside a mental cupboard until eventually the door just bursts open and it all spills out on the floor. that’s like, usnavi freaking out in Hundreds of Stories vibe, where once things start coming out it all comes out at once in a babbling frantic mess. this most often happens in front of abuela because she’s the one he finds most comfort in when he’s feeling like that. 

 its kind of got to the point where everyone just recognises that this is how usnavi works. when he’s going through a bad phase – i think he’s mostly happy now but sometimes life throws shit at him, and i also think that he has a mild case of seasonal affective disorder because winter just reminds him of a lot of bad stuff – then they know eventually it’ll all come out in one big explosion and then he’ll feel better after that, and they just kinda have to wait for it to happen. and usually once he's had a meltdown about it, then he's a lot more receptive to advice or being looked after or like having a decent night's sleep for once.

[missmentelle]

How to Have a Healthy Relationship with Someone who has BPD

People with Borderline Personality Disorder have symptoms that affect their ability to form stable, long-term relationships with other people, and unfortunately, one of the things you’ll often hear about BPD is that it’s completely impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has it. Women with BPD in particular are stereotyped as being good for casual sex, but not relationships, and there are plenty of media examples that perpetuate this damaging idea. Speaking as someone who has worked in mental health with many people with BPD - and been in an an amicable relationship with someone who had it - I can tell you that it is possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who has been diagnosed as borderline. These relationships do encounter challenges that should not be discounted, but if both partners are willing to put in the effort, they can be overcome.  So if you’re in a relationship with someone who has BPD - or you’re considering starting one - here are some tips to help you along: Treatment is not optional. If a person with BPD is going to have healthy relationships, it is absolutely imperative that they actively engage in treatment. That means seeing an appropriate mental health professional regularly, attending all scheduled appointments, actively doing their therapy exercises and taking their medication if that is a part of their treatment regime. Promises to go into therapy “later”, or to manage the disorder without formal treatment are not enough. Having your partner depend on you to manage their mental health is not fair to either one of you - you’re both going to end up getting overwhelmed and hurt. Ideally, you should also be in communication with your partner’s therapist; they can be an excellent resource for helping the two of you navigate difficult situations and rough patches in the relationship. 

Research the disorder, and understand what you are getting into. It is grossly unfair to a person with BPD to jump into a relationship with them blindly, promising you can handle it, only to immediately back out when you realize that it’s too much for you. People with BPD do not exist to fulfill Manic Pixie Dream Girl fantasies - they are real people who face very specific obstacles and challenges, and it’s important that you read up on those obstacles and challenges to ensure that it’s something you can work with, and to ensure you understand where your partner is coming from. There is a lot of information about the disorder freely available, and it’s important that you have all the facts. Additionally, a relationship with someone who has BPD is not going to be a good fit for everyone - nobody is going to be a good fit for everyone - and it’s important to try to work out if that might be the case for you before you put another person’s heart on the line. 

Set and enforce firm boundaries. A healthy relationship involving a person with BPD is possible. A healthy relationship between someone with BPD and a person who cannot set boundaries, however, is not. Talk to your partner, and negotiate some limits on what is and is not acceptable behaviour. And then stick to those limits - if your partner starts to cross a line, shut down the behaviour and disengage immediately. The person with BPD will probably struggle with having boundaries in the beginning - one of the core symptoms of the disorder is an intense fear of abandonment, and having a boundary enforced, however gently, feels like abandonment to them. In the long run though, boundaries create structure, predictability and security in a relationship; it makes the relationship safer and more comfortable for both of you in the long run. Remember that setting boundaries is a process, not a one-time discussion, and that the partner with BPD has a voice in that discussion - you are not a parent laying down the law, but an equal partner navigating a challenging situation in a way that is respectful to both of you. 

Have emergency protocols in place. If your partner is having a meltdown or mental health crisis, what do you do? Who do you call? What is a “call their mom” emergency, and what is a “call the hospital” situation? Mental health blips and crises are going to happen, and it’s important that you have a plan in place for when they do. Talk this out with your partner when they are having a good mental health day, so that they can have an equal say in how mental health emergencies will be handled - chances are, the things they suggest when they are in a good state of mind are going to be very different from the things they say when they are at their worst. Having a plan in place can help you both cope, and can prevent minor snags from turning into full-on category five hurricanes.

Do not enable. One of the other major symptoms of BPD is a predilection for self-sabotage or reckless behavior. When my partner was off his medication, he used to break into public buildings in the middle of the night just for kicks; other people with BPD may be inclined to misuse substances, engage in dangerous activities, or party so hard that it affects their life. Another part of the diagnosis is a tendency to feel numb or empty inside, and extreme activities can be a way to take the edge off that. Ultimately, though, it’s not a good way to deal with the disorder, and a partner should not be enabling by shielding the person from the consequences of their actions. If you are constantly covering for your partner and making excuses for them, you are ultimately doing more harm than good. Support them without enabling them - comfort them, and support their efforts to get into treatment or make amends.  

Take care of your own mental health. If you have mental health difficulties of your own, the same rules that apply to your partner also apply to you - treatment is mandatory. People with BPD can provide emotional support to a partner, but unfortunately, they are not always in a good place to do so; it’s not really possible to make sure your bad mental health days always line up with their good ones. Seeking out professional mental health treatment ensure that you always have a stable and reliable place to turn to f you’re having a tough time. A therapist can also help you make sure that your relationship is always staying on the right side of the “healthy/unhealthy divide”, and give you a safe place to vent when things are rough. On top of formal treatment, it’s also important to practice general self-care. Set aside time for friends and hobbies. Eat and sleep well. Manage your stress. Create things. Take care of yourself. 

Do not tolerate abuse. No diagnosis excuses abusive behaviour. If a partner abuses you verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually or financially, that is unacceptable, no matter what mental health struggles they are dealing with. Abuse is always a dealbreaker. If your partner is having mental health episodes that are so severe they result in you being abused, then that person is not managing their condition, and they are not capable of being in a serious relationship at the moment. Extract yourself from the relationship. 

Every relationship comes with possible challenges. BPD can be a difficult disorder to live with, and to support another person through. However, if both partners are willing to put in effort, and show each other kindness and patience, a healthy relationship is possible. This is a disorder that can be managed, and it does not have to prevent you from sharing a wonderful relationship with someone you care about.