#megs pretending he hates this but in reality...

[smatterbrained]

Mutually beneficial setup

[cybertron-after-dark]

You said you like megadac. Yap to me. I beg

Ohooohohohohooohohohhhhhhh my favorite terrible toxic human x robot ship. They are horrible in some of the best ways and their whole dynamic fascinates me because it's such a fucking mess, and not all of it is anyone's fault

(under the cut bc this is a LOT of yapping)

Sumdac never really understood how much he was hurting Megatron by poking around in his remains. How could he know? He never had any indication, he just found a severed robot head with unbelievably advanced tech in it. How could he have ever known that was a person? How could he know it's a person that would come back from the dead? He couldn't. But his lack of awareness doesn't negate how badly it clearly traumatized Megatron (regardless of whether megs would ever admit that, even to himself)

And of course, the extended, months-long ordeal of having to pretend to be an Autobot as Sumdac's unwilling roommate. God. The degree to which that complicates things is just fucking [chef's kiss] absolutely terrible. The nightmare of being completely immobile, completely vulnerable, near-helpless to defend himself, and his only consistent contact is the guy that strung up his guts and plugged it into the central computer of his factory, who happens to be up close and personal with the Autobots that killed him. Like girl that's nightmarish!!! One slip up and he gets sold out to the people that want to fucking execute him, or worse, and he can't even run away.

So he bides his time. Puts on a mask. Hopes to the Allspark he can keep up the charade, keep all his pride and rage and disgust shoved down. And it's miserable. And he hates it. But when something terrifying and sickening and hopeless is your normal for so long, with no place to escape to, it becomes kind of perversely mundane. Familiar. This godawful place is home. This creature that violated me is my only company.

It's just such a fucking tangled mess.

Honestly, if Megatron was at least a little more honest about his position, Sumdac probably wouldn't have sold him out. He likes Megatron, he doesn't really have any reason to distrust him, and he does want to make up for the position he put him in.

"The Autobots do not much care for my kind, me especially. If they were made aware of my location and the state I am in, it would be the end of me. Do you know what happens in Autobot stockades?"

But this is Megatron we're talking about. To him, banking on people's compassion is not an option. Vulnerability is not an option. Trust is not an option. He can't just reveal what he really is with no solid backup plan, it's too great a gamble, and, given Sumdac is the guy who took him apart, it's probably a little difficult to conceive of a reality where putting his life in his hands goes well.

And then, after Blitzwing restores his body, when he's finally free, of course Sumdac is angry. Of course he helps in the ensuing fight on the opposite side. He was right not to trust him, he was an enemy all along, this whole spark forsaken world is.

At least, that's what Megatron tells himself, because he doesn't want to believe all his cynicism was a self fulfilling prophecy he created, and not a deep understanding of the cosmos and the inherent cruelty of his fellow sentient beings.

And then of course, of COURSE, keeping Sumdac in that tank in the cave was all perfectly proportional revenge in his eyes. All that time vulnerable, miserable, hopeless, separated from his allies, exploited, afraid for his life, all of that gets paid back to Sumdac in full. It feels good to hurt him back. This is right, this is justice. This is what fate allows him to inflict back on him, so it must be right.

But Sumdac didn't know. How could he? How could he when Megatron never told him how much he was hurting. And how could Megatron ever tell him when Sumdac gave him so many reasons not to trust him?

It's the inherent tragedy of a missed connection, it's the self-sabotage, it's the fear and the mutual betrayal and the obliviousness and the utter lack of communication, it's the deep familiarity and intimacy (including physical) between them even with that giant chasm they could never bridge. It's wondering if Megatron only took Sumdac with him because he wanted revenge or because some part of him would have missed the only person he's consistently interacted with for the past 6ish months, even with all the horrible feelings attached. It's wondering what the fuck was up with Megs sticking Sumdac in a bondage harness up against his chest, like hey what the fuck? It's Sumdac thinking Megatron was just his Wacky Alien Roommate for the whole ordeal, his special, secret friend who helped him get to be as successful as he is (even if he was unaware at the time), who talks to him about not wanting his autobot friends to see him in such a sorry state, and made a birthday present for his daughter once. It's Megatron being Sumdac's "I can fix him" project gone horribly, horribly wrong. It's wondering if there was ever a reality where they could have had a happy ending. It's knowing they never could.

[artsy-hobbitses]

One thing I have to say about tf one is badass sentinel design and how much I love it, especially since if you think of it in biblical terms. Sentinel is a fallen angel pretending to God when in reality is the devil. I just love how it also works with the storyline into how D-16 gradual fall to becoming Megatron.

I love how much of an unapologetic bastard he was in TF:One, YES GOOD. YOU LOVE TO HATE HIS ASS.

I like to see him as more of a false prophet (NO MORE FALSE PROPHETS!!! says Megs) than a fallen angel, but the DESIGN definitely makes him look the part of a fallen angel!

I think it's the first time on film that I actually see Meg's reason for Going Evil laid out in a cohesive way that makes sense given a shared history with Optimus.

[04mxfutbol]

Reality (Pt. 2) (Christen Press x Reader)

A/N: I listened to My Tears Ricochet by Taylor Swift on repeat while writing this. Safe to say my tears have been lost somewhere in the fic. Okay enjoy (:

What hurts more than a relationship breakup? A friendship breakup. Gosh do they hurt. It’s a different type of pain.

You don’t know how it got to this point but here you were. Surrounded by so many people yet not even close to the one person you so badly wanted but couldn’t have.

“You look good today.” Megan says sarcastically.

“I feel like shit, god I do this to myself. Over and over.” You say as you set your phone down. “It’s just hard not to.”

“You’re just torturing yourself Y/N.” Alex says as she sits next to you. “You’re just opening that wound even more. Let it heal.”

“I just want to see her without her knowing I’m looking.”

“So a stalker.” Megan says.

“Well.. no? I just don’t want her to know I’m lurking through her page or even her boyfriends page. That would be weird.”

“But she knows who you are.” Alex says.

“That’s still a stalker.” Megan says. “And it is weird.”

“Meg.” Alex says.

“What? It is weird.”

“Shut up already.” Alex says slapping Megan on the arm.

“We aren’t even friends anymore, not like before.” You say as you pull the hoodie over yourself. “I just wish I could go back in time and fix things. But it’s too late now.”

“It gets better with time.” Alex says as she wraps her arm around you.

“Trust me I’ve been waiting but it’s been years Al. It’s been literal years.”

“Give it time Y/N.”

“I hope you’re right Al. I hope you’re right. I can’t move on. I don’t want this to be my life.”

You pull the strings on your hoodie, covering your face as you lean against Alex.

“She’s here.” Alex whispers and you quickly let your head fall onto her lap.

“Hey girls.” You hear Christen say, you don’t look anywhere, you close your eyes pretending to be asleep. “Alex.”

“Christen.” Alex says.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Pinoe asks and you discretely kick her shin.

“Couldn’t make it today.” Christen says and Alex puts her arm on top of your body.

“Bummer.” Alex says trying not to sound sarcastic. “Would’ve loved to finally meet him. You know, you’ve been dating for two years now.”

“Maybe another time.” Christen says. “I’m sure he’d love to meet you guys, he said he’d try and be here tomorrow.”

“Well that’s great.” Alex says.

“Is she sleeping?” Christen asks as she looks down to you.

“Knocked out.” Alex says as she places her hand on your head. “Long flight you know?”

“If I still remember correctly she probably stayed up all night to make sure she wouldn’t miss her flight.” Christen says, for some reason her remembering that made your heart flutter but also break a little.

She remembers. 

“I hate flights they stress me out.”

“Just sleep I’ll make sure I’ll wake you up if you don't wake up on time.” Christen says and you sigh.

“No because you sleep through your alarms.”

“Oh shush you. Look on the bright side, our families are going on a trip together.”

“True, it was a surprise they said yes.”

“That’s exactly what happened.” Alex says as she remembers last nights events.

“Same old Y/N/N.” Christen says with a chuckle.

“That’s Y/N for you.” Alex says patting your head.

“Well I’ll see you guys later right?” Christen asks.

“Definitely.”

You hear the wheels of a suitcase further away from you, finally lifting your head back up.

“Deep down I trick myself into thinking she loved me too at one point but never told me.” You say with a shrug.

“Come on let’s go back to our room.” Alex whispers as she stands up, extending her hand to you.

The three of you walk up to the hotel room, head rested against Alex’s arm.

As soon as you walked inside you laid down on the bed and curled up into a ball.

“Becky is on her way to grab something from here but don’t mind her.” Alex whispers and you nod.

You soon hear a knock on the door and hear the door open.

“Cap Becky!” Pinoe shouts.

“I’m just here to grab the folder.” Becky says walking into the room.

“Alex.” Becky says and then looks at the body on the bed, that body being you. “Hey Y/N what’s going on?”

“I hate feelings and love.” You say as you stare at the wall.

“Is Christen still being a total loser?” Becky asks.

“She’s not a loser.” You say.

“So it’s Christen.”

“When hasn’t it been.” You hear Pinoe say, you lift your head up and stick your tongue out at her.

“Can I state an opinion?” Alex asks, Becky looks at Alex and she tilts her head.

“Sure.” You say. “What is it?”

“I think there’s more to what happened the night it all went down, from my perspective at least. I mean there’s no reason to end a friendship over two people hanging out right?” Alex says. “I was there that night. I was that person hanging out with you.”

“I was very persistent on her calming down about you and me hanging out often. It didn’t seem like a big deal to me.”

“Then there’s more to it.” Alex says. “Just my opinion.”

“I guess, thanks.” You say as you grab a blanket, covering your head.

The sound machine beside the bed that Alex had turned on to help you fall asleep did it’s magic. Of course with a hint of Taylor Swift playing in the background, Alex knowing all too well it would knock you out, she had a playlist all made for you to sleep to.

“You know we can’t tell her.” Becky says whispering to Alex.

“Y/N needs the closure she deserves.” Alex whispers. “We’ve been lying to her the whole time.”

“We don’t even know the entire story! Christen said something just took over her that night.” Becky says. “You think I know the whole story? I don’t! Christen has been lying to us, we’re not lying to Y/N. We’ve told her all WE know.”

“All we know? Sure, but we sure as heck weren’t blind that night. You and I both know what we saw.” Alex says. “I was there Becky. It happened again that night when we all went together as a team to watch a basketball game.”

“And if we’re wrong? Then what? We give her false hope?” Becky says. “If we’re wrong we destroy her.”

“Well I wasn’t fucking blind that night that’s for sure and you know damn well what you saw that night.”

“I actually kind of agree with Becky here.” Pinoe says. “Are we certain of what we saw that night? Not necessarily but we also can’t kill her hope. We’re not even the ones to be saying what we saw because we all know Christen is the one who truly knows.”

“The same thing happened when we were in college. It was that same look of she wanted me dead.”

“Alex.”

“No I’m serious. But it happened again and this time it looked like she wanted me to know. You were there.”

“We were all there this time but the first time? You said it yourself you guys were in college. We don’t know everything.”

“Christen has been on thin fucking ice since that night.” Alex says. “It’s been years.”

“Until she wants to say something about it then we can say something.” Becky says. “Okay? Okay. We’ve agreed”

Throughout all that whisper yelling you somehow slept through it, the sound machine doing its work as it should and the power of the playlist Alex had made you did wonders.

“You know this is the first time she’s actually getting some sleep. You guys haven’t been there.” Alex says. “I was! I was there! I’ve been there! She barely gets sleep and she needs help. It’s been years!”

“Clearly her first love.”

“You don’t get it, it’s been like this since college. Christen ruined this wonderful human being over what? Stupidity. Ignorance? JEALOUSY?”

“Okay now don’t say things like that.” Becky says. “We don't know that.”

“Y/N needs help I’m talking therapist help to heal and be able to move on.” Alex whispers. "You know I'm right. Christen only ever tries to find Y/N whenever things go wrong in her love life and Y/N being Y/N she lets her back in her life. Then when Christen is better she leaves."

"Okay so Christen is a jerk." Megan says. "What do you expect us to do then?"

"If I knew I would have been doing it already." Alex says as she gets into the bed with you. “She’s been through enough, she’s put up with Christen’s stupid games. Christen gives her false hope.”

“We don't say anything about it yet.” Becky says as she leaves the room.

“My poor Y/N has tried to face reality but can’t because she’s afraid.” Alex whispers as she runs her fingers through your hair.

“At least she has you.” Megan says with a shrug.

“She’ll always have me. That will never change.”

- - - -

“Good morning sunshine.” Alex whispers as she moves the hair out of your face. “Let’s go grab breakfast we’ve got a long day ahead of us.”

“Isn’t today a whole day of team bonding?” You grog out. “If so then I think I’ll take an extra hour of sleep.”

“Funny. Come on get up. Even if it’s team bonding, the time doesn’t change. It’s 7am. Get up.” Alex says as she pulls the first blanket off of you.

“Ugh sometimes this whole being a professional soccer player has its cons. This being one of them.” You say stretching. “A pro of being a professional soccer player is being friends with you.”

“Aww how sweet, nice try. Get up already.”

“You’re so bossy I hope you know that.” You say as you get up from the bed.

“I know.”

After dressing up you both head down to grab breakfast, naturally you sat next to Alex, always feeling protected by her.

“Feed me.” You tell Alex.

“Feed yourself I’m not going to feed you, your hands are working just fine.” Alex says.

“Alex please, I’m sad.” You say, you’re quick to give her the best puppy eyes you could.

“Ugh. Fine. Just this once.” Alex says grabbing your fork and grabbing a piece of fruit. “Open.”

“Thank you.”

Alex continues feeding you some food while also eating her own breakfast. Your head rested on your hand as you look at Alex. You’re interrupted when someone sits in front of you.

“Hi Alex.” Christen says. “Hey Y/N.”

“Hey.” You say quickly then try to scoot closer to Alex

“Christen.” Alex says.

“Al more.” You say opening your mouth.

“That’s the last of it. Now let me eat before we have to go.” Alex says and you nod.

“You two still hang out a lot huh?” Christen says and you turn to face her.

“We do, we actually live together because roommates!” Alex says making you laugh.

“Plus rent is cheap when this superstar gets paid big money with all her sponsors.” You say with a chuckle. “Gotta love living with Alex.”

“Who wouldn’t love having you around all the time. We get to stay in and watch movies and we end up falling asleep on the couch until one gets up and wakes the other up to go to bed. So fun.” Alex says.

“Sounds fun.” Christen says. “Sounds like you two really did solidify that good friendship.”

“Oh yeah, long ago. Ever since college right?” Alex says turning to look at you.

“Um? Yes?” You say.

“Awesome.”

“Very.” Alex says sternly, glaring at the green eyed woman in front of her.

“Alright everyone we’ve brought a team specified in team bonding to come and help this team become better and you know trust each other. We’ll be having activities all afternoon. So after breakfast we head to the conference room.” Vlatko announces. “Also we have Naomi Girma and Taylor Kornieck joining us for the first time. So let’s welcome them both with a good attitude. Dismissed.”

“Great, team exercises. Fun.” Pinoe says. “As if I don’t spend time enough with all of you.”

“You love us though, right?” Rose asks Pinoe.

“You my dear Rose are who I love the most.” Pinoe says patting Rose’s head.

“Ouch.” You say.

“How’s it feel to be a veteran?” Alex asks and you chuckle.

“I feel rather-.”

“Old? Yeah get used to it.” Pinoe says and you shove her.

“I was going to say I feel weird.” You say. “You on the other hand, you are old so time is ticking.”

“You little shit.” Pinoe snarls and you laugh, but soon enough she has you in a headlock.

“Y/N? You still love me even though Pinoe hates you right now right?” Rose asks and you smile.

“I’ll always love you Rose. You’re too precious.”

“Newbies in the house.” Kelley shouts, you turn around and see the two woman walking towards your table.

“Rookies.” You say looking at them.

“They’ll do great.” Alex says and you nod. "Megan let go of Y/N."

"Thanks."

"You're lucky I love you."

“I definitely see Naomi being captain in the future. She has the spirit and looks like could give good speeches.” You say. “But I’m getting ahead of myself.”

“Good thing we all play together in club.” Alex says and you chuckle.

“That’s true.”

You all head to the conference room, sitting down at one of the many tables set up in the conference room.

“I’m ready to get this over with.” You say as you clap.

“Okay everyone, with the people in your table, let’s start with your name and something like a hobby.” One of the woman says.

“So I’m Y/N and I like to sleep? That can be a hobby right?” You ask.

“I think so.” Mal says and you nod your head.

“Then that’s my hobby.”

You looked up from your table, your eyes meeting the green eyes you so hopelessly fell in love with long ago. Christen smiled at you and gave you a little wave. Waving back, you immediately leaned against Alex. Christen’s smile fading away.

“You okay?” Alex whispers and you nod. “Hey. It’s me and you. Me and you always.”

You hoped this camp would finally be the time you both would reconnect after many years of not being friends.

You hoped.

Hoping. Like you always did.

But that hope was running out. You didn’t like that.

“Okay now that you’ve all clearly shared the same hobby. Let’s see if you know each other’s birthday.”

“Birthday’s? BIRTHDAYS? As in the day people were born? I barely even remember mine.” Rose says.

“Yet you remember Wilma’s.” Mal says.

Everyone at your table attempts getting each other’s birthday right when it’s finally your turn you groan. Not wanting to have everyone guessing once again for another birthday that not anyone can barely remember you decide to just make it go quicker.

“My birthday is-.” You’re cutoff by Alex who stops you.

“Oh I know this, easy.” Alex says with a smile. “It’s-.”

“I know your birthday.” Christen says pulling a chair to your table and sitting across from you. Interrupting Alex. “Super easy, Y/N’s birthday is Y/B/D. I know that.” Christen smiles as she looks at you.

You turn to look at Alex who’s just as confused as you are. She shrugs her shoulders as she tries to understand what just happened.

“When’s mine Y/N/N?” Christen asks you as she looks at you, ignoring the others at the table. “Do you even remember mine?”

You reach for Alex’s hand under the table, trying to gain some sort of reality in what seemed fantasy. Alex squeezed your hand three times and you took a deep breath.

"Happy Birthday Chris, what do we have planned for today?" You ask Christen.

"Me and you movies and maybe go to the beach?" Christen asks and you smile.

"Sure, whatever you want. It's your birthday."

“I remember yours, it’s December 29.” You say and you feel your cheeks start to heat up, but also your heart racing.

“I can’t believe you actually remember.”

“I could never forget.”

The rest of the time you were out of it, not focused in team bonding anymore after what had occurred. Your mind still groggy, trying to understand what the hell had just happened.

It wasn’t like Christen to do what she did, plus you had initially thought she didn’t want to talk to you. Yet here she was acting the way she was. It confused you in every single way.

Everything just made you remember the night Christen saw you and Alex holding hands at a game. Which you thought wasn’t a big deal until Alex told you that Christen was practically looking at her like she wanted her dead.

You just never understood why she reacted that way when she sat behind you at the game with her boyfriend. Christen knew you and Alex had always been close you just never thought it’d be a problem.

“Alright everyone you’re dismissed for whatever shenanigans you all will be up to. Be careful.” Vlatko says. “But be careful.”

You immediately get up pulling Alex and Rose.

“I’ve been chosen. Yes.” Rose says.

“I’m terrified of what just happened in there.” You whisper to the two women in front of you.

“Maybe Chris is trying to reconnect?” Rose says shrugging her shoulders. “But it was kind of unexpected if that’s what you’re implying.”

Alex looks at you with worried eyes, wanting so badly to tell you what she had thought of that night, the night everything crumbled for you. But she held back, remembering what Becky had told her.

While you racked your brain trying to find a perfectly good explanation to what had happened, Christen was walking right behind a group of youngsters.

“Did you see Alex’s private story? They went surfing and then to a concert just the other day. How can I trade spots with Y/N? I want to go to concerts too.”

“Y/N has just been going through it, Alex just tries to distract Y/N from practically everything.” Naomi says. “She’s a great friend. They’re both great people.”

“They’re attached to the hip, wherever Alex is, Y/N is right behind. And wherever Y/N is, Alex is right behind.” Taylor says. “I think it’s kind of cute.”

“Oh definitely.” Naomi says with a chuckle. “I do love their weekend cookouts that they invite us to, it relaxes me.”

“Oh my god you’re so right.” Taylor says. 

“What are we talking about?” Ashley asks as she catches up to the two Wave players.

“Alex and Y/N.” Taylor says. 

“Oh my god, they are the cutest. Did you guys see the picture of them both spending the holidays together with their families? When I have a friendship like that I’ll be happy.” Ashley says.

“They’re the best.” Naomi says.

“Cute.” Christen says bitterly as she walks past the girls.

“What was that?” Ashley asks, the two Wave players shrugging in confusion not knowing what may have caused such a reaction from who they thought was the calmest person.

- - - -

After a long two weeks of camp, you were a bit thrilled to return to San Diego. To be in your own bed and be away from all the chaos that occurred. To be as far away from what Alex is saying to be reality you didn't want to face.

Were you not facing reality already? You sure thought you were looking at reality.

“She leaving?” Alex asks and you nod. “If it’s meant to be then it’ll happen Y/N/N.”

“Thanks for that Al but she’s gone now. She always said she didn’t feel the same, others say differently but I do always wonder if at some point she did feel the same for me, for just a little bit.”

“Only she knows I suppose. I can’t read minds or else I’d read minds.” Alex says making you laugh a little bit. “Trust me Y/N. If it’s meant to be then your paths will cross and meet again. Don’t force it.”

“I am a big sucker for hope.” You say softly. “I feel like just waving a white flag you know? I surrender, it’s been years.”

“Don’t wave it.” You hear someone behind you say. “You’re the biggest sucker when it comes to hope and I love that about you. You always have hope. I have no idea what you’re talking about but don’t wave the flag, keep hoping.” Christen says as she flashes you a big wide smile as she walks past you.

“Y-yeah thanks.” You say as you lean into Alex, trying to feel some sort of protection. Alex is quick to react as she wraps her arm around you.

Alex didn't miss the glare Christen was sending her, the same glare she had received from the green eyed woman years ago. Alex tilted her head, she knew that glare, she knew that reaction. Christen was jealous, Alex knew it, it had to be that.

“I have to go but whatever it is don’t wave it. There’s always hope.” Christen says as she opens the door to the car that had just arrived. She opens the passenger door and you see her boyfriend.

“Hi babe you ready to go home?” Christen’s boyfriend says.

“Yeah. Ready.” Christen says as she gets inside. “Y/N don’t lose hope.”

You nod your head as the car drives off.

As soon as the car is far from your sight you pulled out a napkin you had in your napkin from lunch earlier that day.

“Y/N?” Alex asks as she looks at you.

You turn to look at her as you wave the napkin in the air.

“I give up.” You say as you begin to sob.

“Oh Y/N/N.” Alex says as she pulls you in for a hug. You sobbed into her chest as you grabbed the sides of her sweater.

“I just want to talk to her, but at the same time scream.” You say in between sobs.

“Then scream, scream at the sky and scream all you wish you could tell her. Heal Y/N. You deserve to heal from the pain she has put you through.”

You clung onto Alex’s hoodie, a sobbing mess in Alex’s arms.

Some of the older girls walk out of the lobby and they’re met with the sight of you clinging onto Alex, sobbing. They stop as Alex signals them to stop where they are.

“Here I have an idea.” Alex says. “Come on everyone. Follow me.”

Alex took you to a nearby beach, a secluded area where there weren't many people.

“What are we doing here?” You ask Alex.

“Scream. Scream at the sky, scream all you wish you could tell her, scream. Talk to her by screaming at the sky.” Alex says as she holds onto your hand. “Let yourself heal.”

You look at Alex and sniffle. She gives you a supportive smile and nods. You look around and no one was around. You took in a deep breath as you looked up at the sky.

“Scream. Scream all you want.”

You sniffle and wipe your tears. Closing your eyes you replayed every memory, they just all reminded you of what she was to you. She was home. 

“Apparently home doesn't have to be a place.” Christen says as she walks into your bedroom.

“Really? So then what else can it be?” You ask.

“A person.” Christen says as she lays next to you.

“Wow that's deep.” You say as you look up at the ceiling.

“You’re my home.” Christen says making you smile.

“You’re my home too.”

You begin to scream as you open your eyes, looking up at the sky. 

“YOU BROKE ME.” You yell at the sky. “YOU WERE MY HOME. I WAS YOURS.”

“There we go let it go.”

“Me and you forever.” Christen says as she plays with your hair, your head resting on her chest.

“Me and you forever.” You repeat.

“I HATE YOU.” You scream and sob. “I love you.”

“We’re going to live together one day trust me.” Christen says and you laugh. “What? Do you think I’m kidding?”

“Come on Chris maybe for a little but then you’ll get married or something.” You say looking at her.

“Married? Pass. It’ll be me and you living together forever. Nothing can separate us.”

“It was me and you forever.” You sob out.

“You have a boyfriend?” Christen asks and you furrow your eyebrows as you grab your backpack.

“No? Who said that?” You ask as you look at Christen weirdly. “Plus if anything I think I'd have a relationship with a girl first rather than a guy.”

“Oh I just heard something around.”

“Well I don’t so can you calm down?”

“I’m calm.” Christen says making you laugh.

“Why were you losing your mind over that? I don't react that way when you have a boyfriend.”

“I gotta make sure whoever dates you is good for you just like you do for me.” Christen says and you snort.

“Yes because when have you listened to me about your boyfriends, they’ve been terrible and I tell you before. I can sense it way before you do.”

“Yeah but your love life matters to me, I want you to be with someone who loves you and treats you right. I could care less about mine.”

“Clearly. Trust me I know.”

You continue to scream at the sky as you stomp your feet on the sand.

“You ever look at stars and think just how beautiful they are?” Christen asks you as you both lay outside on the lawn.

“Actually, yes.” You say. Christen turns to look at you, a smile plastered on her face.

“Why are you smiling like that and looking at me like that?” You say with a nervous chuckle.

“I’m going to be honest.” Christen says grabbing you hand. “What if we just never get married? What if it’s just me and you forever? Wouldn’t that be nice? Just us and laughter and adventures.”

“I suppose?”

“I’m just really grateful for you and I’m really lucky to have you in my life, you've stayed friends with me for so many years and I know I don't tell you often but I do love you and I appreciate it and all you do for me. I'm sorry I’m not the best of friend, or that I push you away sometimes, I don't mean it. I just don't ever want to lose you.”

“You won't. I don't want to ever lose you either Chris, I don't want to face the world by myself, I want to have you around forever.”

“Us two facing the world together. Facing reality.” Christen says booping your nose. “I love you.”

“Us versus the world.” You say making Christen laugh.

“It's me and you forever.” Christen says as she looks back up at the sky.

As you both laid on the grass Christen reached over to grab your hand, you turned your head and saw Christen looking at you, a very interesting look on her face that you couldn't quite figure out. The soft gaze and her smile.

Christen’s mind was everywhere, but when she would look at you and you smiled, she knew she loved you so much. Everything around you both seemed to not matter, she knew you were her home.

“I’m sorry I don't show it often but I really do appreciate you and I’m sorry I push you away, I don't mean it.” Christen says as she fidgets with your fingers. “I just-.”

“It’s okay you don't have to explain. I’ll always be around.”

“But you're the one who's constantly putting so much into our friendship and I know we've talked about this before, I need to do more.”

“Christen.”

“I don't want to lose you, ever.”

“You won't. Come on Christen we both know we've gone through enough and we’re still here.”

“Yes because you're the one who's always trying to save this friendship.”

“Christen. Hey. It’s me and you. Me and you.”

“Me and you.”

You fall onto your knees as you hide your face in your hands. Trying so hard not to absolutely lose your composure, but you're pretty sure you had already lost it.

"I don't even understand why you're acting like this Chris, you're not like this." You say as you walk closer to her.

"I always say I'm gonna change the way I am to you but never do. I'm a bad person. I'm not a good person." Christen says and you look baffled.

"Don't say that, hey you're not a bad person. You are a wonderful and kind person." You say as you walk up to Christen, cupping her face in your hands.

"I don't know how you're still my friend. You are so fucking amazing Y/N. You don't even know how much you truly are worth, I'm fucking lucky to have you in my life and I should be cherishing you and appreciating you before it's too late."

"I'm right here Chris. I'm right here."

While you sobbed, letting it all out, Christen was with her boyfriend driving home.

“That was the famous Y/N?” Christen’s boyfriend asks.

“That was her with Alex yes.” Christen says.

“Are they together?”

“Who? Alex and Y/N?” Christen asks with a chuckle. “Probably, I wouldn't know.”

“I thought they were together.”

“Yeah well they might as well be.”

“Angry much?”

“No. I just want to go home.” Christen sighs, Christen’s boyfriend sighs and shakes his head as he looks at the road. ”What?”

“You get like this every single time you either hear, see or literally just know she's around. You get so- so..”

“So what?”

“Jealous! Christen you get jealous!”

“I don't know what you're talking about. Why would I be jealous? We haven't been friends since our first year of college.”

"What are you doing?" You ask Christen as you walk into her room.

"Getting ready?" Christen says, you raise your eyebrow as you see what's in her hand.

"What the hell are you going to do with a hammer?"

"Aren't you going to meet someone?" Christen asks and you snort.

"Yes but I can assure you I'll be fine."

"I just gotta make sure they're good for you."

"So you have hammer for that? Christen it's just a date."

"Okay and?" Christen asks as she looks at you, you raise your hands in defeat as you turn around and walk away.

"You're being extra weird."

“I feel like I always come second Christen. Even if she isn't in your life anymore, it seems like she's all you think about.”

“That’s not true.”

“But it is. Christen I’m tired of being second choice to your ex girlfriend.”

“Ex girlfriend? Where the hell did you come out with that conclusion? We were best friends, nothing more. Sure she liked me but I never liked her back.”

"Hey." Christen says as she looks at her neighbor opening the door to her house.

"Christen? Everything okay?" Christen's neighbor asks.

"Can we talk?"

"Sure come in." She says, Christen walks in as she sits on the couch. "No Y/N today?"

"Haha no, she's home."

"Very odd to see you both apart. You guys are always together. She cares about you a lot."

"I care about her too, a lot. She's become someone so important to me and makes me very happy."

"Oh I know." She says with a smirk, a smirk Christen doesn't see.

"Wait what do you mean by that?" Christen asks.

"Nothing. But I'm sure you know."

“She liked you? Oh wow, that explains a lot.” He says.

“Come on you can't be serious.” Christen says with a laugh. 

“I mean it all makes sense, so many times that we went to the carnival on the Fourth of July. Our anniversary. I don't know why I didn't catch that earlier. All those stories you would tell me, I just thought you missed being friends with her.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Are you that blind to your own feelings? You loved her or love her I don't even know anymore.” 

"Thank you for being in my life even though I don't deserve someone as great as you."

"Chris, come on. We both know you deserve a better friend than me."

"No, if I didn't have you I'm pretty sure I'd look for you. In every universe I think I'd look for you, because without you I feel like something is missing."

“No I didn't and I don't.”

“Our anniversary is something else to you, it’s a reminder of the times when you'd go with her to the carnival. You said it was a tradition. July fourth is our anniversary, but every time it comes around you seem so down, like if you have something else in mind. You have her in mind.”

“Oh my god you can't be serious.”

“I should've seen it sooner.” He says shaking his head.

"You're unbelievable, none of it is true."

"Face reality Christen, fuck."

Alex looked behind you to see the girls looking at you then Alex, a soft smile on their faces. They could see it and feel it. They all walked over to you and Alex, all sitting down on the sand as they hugged you.

"I hope you never forget how much I love you." Christen says as she fixes the blanket over you, running her fingers through your hair. "You don't even understand and you won't ever see how much I truly do love you."

“It was supposed to be me and her forever.” You sob out.

You were healing. Finally healing and they weren’t going to leave you alone to face the world, the reality, all by yourself.

“We got you.” Becky whispers. “We got you.”

It was a reality you had not wanted to face for so long, but you had to accept it sooner than later. This was reality. A reality you had to face without Christen was something you never thought you had to do, but unfortunately it had come to that.

As much as you wanted closure, as much as you wanted to know why Christen had reacted the way she did those nights. You knew you probably wouldn’t ever know, but it was time to start to do what you never wanted. It was time do so, to face reality.

[mcltiples]

UNPROMPTED ASKS || always accepting

@countlessrealities sent; Since his counterpart had had no qualms to show up in his headquarters, unannounced and unexpected, Rick had decided that he should return the favour. Besides, it was about time that his other self realised that he could break into his hideout just as easily. He couldn't have the motherfucker believe that he was ahead of him when it came to something so trivial.

Unlike his mirror image, he didn't come carrying him anything odd or confusing like that giant bird cage had been, but he hadn't come empty-handed. With him, he had a nice bottle of rhum, even if he would have denied choosing it with care. Why would have he? He was visiting the guy he hated, after all.

"I'd say that your place is cool, but I'd be fucking lying, so I won't bother," he claimed in a casual tone, as he stepped out of the portal he had opened, making a show of looking around. "Honestly? You need to add some character to it, I feel like I could die of boredom if I stayed here for too long. I can give you a few tips, if you..."

His voice trailed off as he realised that his counterpart hadn't even acknowledged his arrival. Instead, he was staring at whatever movie was playing on the hi-tech screen set in front of the couch. Rick could tell that the other wasn't truly seeing the images, though. He knew his own expression too well not to be able to tell.

Something was wrong. Dreadfully so.

Both the look in his eyes and his body language instantly sobered as he quietly made his way to where his mirror image was sitting. Without a word, he let himself fall on the couch and tore the bottle open, taking a swing from it before offering it to the other, his other arm wrapping around the edge of the cushions, close to his counterpart's shoulders, but without touching him.

He didn't speak, didn't try to offer a non-verbal hint. If his other self had decided to take advantage of his physical presence, in any way, he could have done it.

[[ My Weird Rick for your Weird Rick, after yours received the news of Meg's death. I thought it could be interesting for them to interact when your Weird Rick is vulnerable! ]]

Nothing could really distract Rick from the mindlessness of watching a movie. It wasn't any movie. He put on a comfort one. Something that he watched almost any time he felt bad. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later. A film that he considered blasphemous to the entire franchise. Even if there were some that made him more puzzled than that one.

He had made himself cozy on the couch. So sunken in deep that he could barely be seen from the other side. Both of his feet were kicked up on the ottoman in front of him. His jacket wasn't on, wearing only his red long sleeved shirt and dark black jeans.

It was safe to say that he wasn't going anywhere at all today.

The sound of a portal opening could be vaguely heard, but the iconic Michael Myers theme song kept him more occupied on the screen. A shrill tune followed by the beating of drums. And just as the victim screamed from the killer's presence, that's when he felt the couch cushion beside him become occupied.

Side-eyeing his counterpart, he watched the other's actions carefully. He wasn't in the mood to put on one of his facades. That usual one where he pretended that his dislike for the other wasn't confusing. How he acted as if he couldn't stand the other. When, in reality, the guy's presence didn't bother him all that much.

Deep down, in his core, he didn't really trust him all that much. Though, he wanted to get to know him. To become something more than just preconceived enemies. Maybe a friend.

His eyes widened when the bottle was passed to him. Silence seeped in between them. Yet, something told him that his counterpart knew how to read a room. A lot better than he knew how. Or, perhaps, the other cared and was subconsciously showing it.

The implication of that caused his chest to tighten. So he took the bottle a bit too quickly. Desperate for a drink to numb it down.

Knocking his head back, he let the liquor warm his throat and his insides, burning away any feelings that dared to come up. Dripping down the side of his mouth, he placed the bottle in between his legs, wiping away at the excess from his chin.

"Alright, I'll bite, Mr. Silent Guy,"

Oh, he would take advantage of his closeness, but not in the way one would think. His body began to move, legs shifting from the ottoman over towards his counterpart's lap, laid across in a way that trapped the other there. Upper body twisted more towards the other, slotting perfectly into the other's side. His chin rested on that shoulder.

"Why the fuck are you here? Came to watch the worst movie in existence with me?" The words came out humorless. That usual cheery tone gone. Instead, replaced by a softened, harsh voice. One that didn't even sound angry. "Because, if you did, you forgot the popcorn."

Due to the dimmed lights of the living room, it was hard to see the expression in those bright blue eyes of his, but if looked at closely, one could see something sparkling within them. An emotion that displayed admiration, adoration, and a certain, deep kind of sadness. All mixed into one.

Though, that was the least of his worries. Right now, he had a distraction and he would jump on it; in the figurative sense. Literal, too, if that's what his counterpart wanted.

[countlessrealities]

Any of the muses have Christmas plans? :DD

Unprompted asks || Always accepting !

"G-General verse? S-Same shit we do every year. J-Jerry playing housewife, h-his parents and their boyfriend coming over, w-we all pretending to be great and merry...A-All that stuff. I-I'm way fuckin' more excited for the other continuities. O-Or well, some of them."

His expression softens a little. "W-With Rick, we do the same family stuff, b-but with both families and...h-he just makes everything better. I-I actually like that Christmas shit, w-with him there." Because his counterpart makes him happy, no matter what. "T-Then I guess the two of us will have shared guest i-in some verses. Fish...d-damn, that is going to be fuckin' awkward...an-and, uh, Clarissa. T-That one is gonna be fuckin' tense...u-unless we do a Chance version an-and shit, now that would be a nice one. An-And then there's my and Morty's local Grinch, Petal." A snort. "S-She's gonna bring all the booze 'c-cause she fuckin' hates Christmas. T-Too bad for her, b-but good for me."

"W-What will be real fuckin' annoying is tha-that I'll have to put up with M-Morty's goddamn crushes. T-The other Fish isn't too bad, b-but why the fuck did he have to go an-and date his boyfriend's girlfriend too? G-Geez."

"Uh, R-Rick sort of summed up stuff for me too. I-I'm not looking forward to, y-you know, seeing the Ricks being on eggshells b-because of...their Clarissa situation. I-I hope Summer and I can help, w-with Fish too. T-They are both really cool an-and I hope they can have a good day with you, y-you know? A-Also, no matter what Rick says, P-Petal can be fun on Christmas too. I-I mean, her rambling about why s-she doesn't like it, i-it always make me laugh."

His grin widens a little and he glances down, pulling at the hem of his shirt. "B-But what I-I'm really looking forward to is, uh, Christmas with both families, b-because FM and I will spend it together an-and...last year was important, f-for us both. E-Even if not as much as New Year's!" Their anniversary. "Oh, an-and we got to have Meg with us both too this year, an-and I think that will be even nicer! I-I wonder if she'll come over early t-to help our Dads cooking...

"I-I kind of want to invite Bishop over too, s-since, uh, well, he's still learning about human stuff, b-but Rick won't let me. H-He says that if he comes, t-then we'll have all the others crashing our party too. M-Maybe he'll let Fish...the other one, my...friend...come over for a while?" He really hopes so.

"Not much to add to all that, aside that I'm so going to, like, enjoy seeing my grandpas squirming around both Fish and Clarissa. But yeah, Morty is right, I'll also try to make things smoother for the two of them. They are too rad to have a bad Christmas. The Ricks can suck it up."

Her lips quirk in little mischievous smile. "But I'm so gonna sneak out to hang out with Jinx in that one verse. And maybe I'll ask Salomé if her family lets me go over to their house for Christmas this year. Not that I want to go, because it's gonna be, like, awful, but at least she won't have to face it alone."

"No particular plans. I was never one to celebrate the holidays. I have a couple public appearances to make, as President, but for the rest I personally won't organise anything."

A pause. "Aside from meeting up with other me, of course. Us spending these times together is becoming a bit of a tradition." The briefest smile touches his face, but it's quickly gone as he shrugs. "And I guess that if Meg organises one of her dumb parties, I'll attend that too. For a while. She's still avoiding me, so I can't give her the satisfaction of not having to put up with my presence."

"I-In most of the main continuities, I'm with Morty, so I'll do whatever he does. So I assume that I'll spend the holidays with him, other Morty, their pet girl and E-Rick."

"A-As for the other reality, my partner has a liking for festivities, for reasons I don't understand, s-so I'll celebrate with him. It's what pleases him, and I don't mind it anyway. It's fascinating to see him getting all excited about clichéd Christmas traditions."

"F-For how I see it, C-Christmas is just an excuse to get fucked up on eggnog. B-But I guess that the Citadel had some decent shit organised w-with the new President, so...M-Maybe SR can convince me to go out with him an-and Morty. I-I bet the little shit wants to go i-ice skating or to see the stands an-and all that stuff."

"An-And of course I have plans to go and bother the Commander." A sly smirk opens on his face. "I-I fuckin' bet he'll be working, s-so he needs someone to make sure he'll take a little fun break."

"I-It sounds like someone has my Christmas figured out already. B-But that's fine, i-it's what I wanted to do anyway. An-And I want to make sure Morty gets something better t-than AR dragging him around b-because he's too drunk to stay still for a minute. I-I also want to get E-Rick something, b-but...uh. I-I'm not sure if he would like it. I-I'll try and see...before AR goes to see him. I-I don't want to walk in on them. F-Fuck no."

"My bro-bro and I will have Christmas at our house as per usual, but I managed to convince our parents to invite the Grunkles over this year! So it will be one big family reunion!" She claps her hands, clearly excited at the idea. Then, glancing around, she lowers her voice. "And also an real fun Christmas. Mom and Dad never want to do anything special, so it's always so booooring. And I bet that Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford will get us better presents!"

"I suppose that it depends on what season of the canon we're considering? Since my Mom's...disappearance, Dad hasn't been big about holidays, so at most I got to do something small with Natalie and my bodyguard. And with Plagg, once we're alone. As for after season 5, well, we'd definitely have something better, with the three of us, Félix and Aunt Amelie. I...I'm really looking forward to it."

He rubs the back of his head. "Also, since I have proper friends and a girlfriend now, I guess I'll have to go shopping for presents, even if...I'm not very good at that. I guess that Félix and I can figure out something together. And Cat Noir has to get something for Ladybug, uh, so that's something I need to do alone."

"Usually, it was just Mom and I. We had a big lunch and exchanged presents, and that was it. This year it's going to be different, as Adrien said. And yes, we are going shopping together because I...I don't know what you should get to a friend. I tried to ask Duusu, but...let's say that her answers weren't helpful at all."

Featuring:

@advnterccs / @mcltiples: Rick, Morty, Evil Morty, E-Rick, Weird Rick

@evilmcg / @shctupmeg / @petalsxfallen / @slickmcrty

@imprvdente / @hvbris: main verse Fish, teen Fish, Salomé, Mina

@dynamoprotocol: Clarissa, Chance

@shimmerbeasts: Jinx

@technodromes: Bishop

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 61 - Shirts, questions and the Fonz with a moustache

In the previous chapter: Jerry goes on his blind date and meets Heather. Surprisingly, she too reveals that she's not interested in meeting guys at the moment. Realizing that they are very similar and in the same situation, she convinces Jerry to pretend that the two of them are dating so as to be left alone by their respective friends. During a question-and-answer game between Stone and Grace, the two discuss how she hasn't let him sleep with her in her bed yet due to her insecurities. In the end Stone manages to calm her down and convince her to take this step with him. Eddie and Angie finally manage to spend an evening together, with pizza and horror movies. Eddie tries again to make her change her mind about Cameron Crowe's film and reveals that for him it's a special occasion: exactly one month has passed since their first kiss. Angie feels guilty because she hadn't thought about the anniversary at all, not being used to this type of things in her past relationships.

***

He fills me up, he gives me love More love than I've ever seen He's all I got, he's all I got in this world But he's all the man that I need

To a casual observer this scene might seem surreal, I must admit. If my life was a TV series and today's episode began with this scene from this morning, as a viewer, a thousand alarm bells would go off for me, ranging from "It's an alternative reality resulting from time travel gone wrong” to “A catastrophe is just about to happen.” Because me, Angie Pacifico, making pancakes on a Wednesday morning, still in my robe despite having class in just over an hour, dancing to the top 100 on the radio and singing (destroying) Whitney Houston is not something you see every day. I actually turned the volume up for Eddie because I suspect that I-never-sleep-I-only-live-at-night-in-san-diego-I-went-surfing-at-the-crack-of-dawn guy has no intention of getting out of bed. This morning I opened my eyes before my killer alarm clock and I promptly deactivated it to let him rest. I took the fastest and quietest shower ever and now I'm here. Since we are always in a rush and don't spend time together regularly, it seemed like a nice thing to prepare a nice breakfast to spoil him a little and be able enjoy a few more minutes together, sitting at a table, talking and joking, rather than sharing the usual quick bye and go each their own way. And I'm also including Meg in this because, with the end of school approaching, the tattoo thing and all the side jobs she's taking on to supplement her income, even having a nice chat with my roommate has become complex. I thought the smell of breakfast and coffee would be enough to give Ed a sweeter good morning than my hated alarm clock, but I was wrong. I pour another big scoop of dough into the pan and smile when I hear the sound of the shower water running, thinking that my melodious chanting has done its duty, but I immediately change my mind when I hear Meg's voice singing along to the chorus of Freedom 90. Well, if I didn't make it, she'll take care of throwing him out of bed with the help of George Michael.

I take the plate with all the pancakes and put it in the center of the table, the bottle of chocolate syrup is already there. Since I don't want to be seen as someone who only eats junk, I decide to also get some yogurt and fruit, which always goes well on pancakes. I head towards the fridge dancing, but not before shouting EVERYBODY DANCE NOW! together with the radio. I stick my head into the fridge and when I back up and close the door I almost have a heart attack and almost project yogurt and berries on to the ceiling.

"EDDIE!"

"Hey," he says to me, leaning against the doorframe, sleepy and smiling.

"WHAT THE FUCK" I leave everything on the table safely and regain color.

"Good morning to you too, kitten"

"Fucking kitten, you appear like this out of nowhere, you scared the fuck out of me!"

"Forgive me, I didn't want to scare you. It's just that… you were all focused on dancing, I couldn't interrupt you" he explains with that adorable stupid face that… nothing, I have class in an hour, I can't think about these things .

“How long have you been there?”

"A little while" he's still standing at the kitchen door. Still standing there in just his boxers and his black and red plaid button down shirt. I repeat, Angie , YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT THAT NOW.

"You could have found an alternative and gentler way to announce your presence, right?" I go back to the unlit stove and pretend to turn it off, then move to the sink and pretend to fiddle with something else until I feel his hands on my shoulders.

"And miss this show? I'm not that stupid" he kisses my cheek and then rests his chin on my right shoulder.

"The ideal show for a traumatic awakening. Hey, be careful or you'll get burnt, it's still hot" I warn him when I see him reach out for the pan, perhaps to put it to wash.

"I'm already on fire anyway" he puts everything in the sink and then hugs me from behind, leaning on me again.

"Eheheh what?"

“Do you have any idea how sexy you were?” he whispers as his fucking grabby hands do the work.

"Am I sexy in the kitchen? At the stove? In one of the stereotyped roles in which the most vulgar sexism imprisons women?" I turn towards him in an attempt to get him off me, but with little success.

“I actually meant dancing in a robe, but honestly this is even fucking better” very poor considering now he's just grabbed at my ass and his mouth is getting dangerously close to my sweet spot on my neck.

"Oh ok so… years of struggles for women's emancipation reduced to a fetish? Feminism that exists only for the sexual gratification of you, straight white man?"

"Stop it or I'll have to fuck you here and now" he backs away from my neck just long enough to point this thing out in my ear, and then goes back to his actions.

"Eheh, you can't anyway" I push him away perhaps too impulsively, I turn around again and start filling the sink with water and then take the dish detergent.

"Why?" please, Eddie, you're not helping right now.

"Because… because Meg is over there…" and again, his hands on my hips "And then we have to eat and I have to go to class"

"Ok, wait," Eddie turns off the tap, takes my hand and, pushing me into a sort of pirouette, forces me to turn towards him again "point A"

"Haha, you even have points ready first thing in the morning!"

"I was born ready. Point A: Meg is over there, she's not here" first he looks towards the door, then directs his eye back towards me and winks.

"But she can arrive at any moment" I reply, but I'm not as quick to fight against his hands, which start unbuttoning my robe.

"We just need to pay attention when we hear Mariah Carey coming over," he jokes, making fun of the song she's singing now.

"What if we're too distracted?" I close a button, he unbuttons two.

"Point B:" he continues, not caring about my objections, "we can still eat... after..."

"After what?" he just looks up to smile at me, without a word.

"Point C: I'll give you a ride to class so you won't be late" and there go two more buttons.

"But-" I try to protest, not so strongly. He silences me by kissing me, softly, but with a certain firmness, and now my robe is completely open.

"Come on, let's go to your room, five minutes"

"It will never be five minutes, Eddie"

"Wanna bet?" my robe is on the floor and his hands are under my pajama top, threatening to send that flying too. Until a detail belatedly catches my attention.

"Eddie, da-… um, sorry, but what are you wearing?"

"I'm overdressed, right? I'll fix in a sec!" he wiggles his eyebrows like an idiot, starts to take off his shirt, but I stop him.

"No, I mean, don't you see what you've got on? Didn't you notice?" I start laughing and this very moment he start to give in a little and lets go of me. I take the opportunity to pull myself together and retrieve my dressing gown from the floor.

"What is it? Did I put it on backwards?" he looks at his shirt without understanding, and then looks at me, sulkily, when I put my robe back on.

"No, you put it on just right, but it's mine, can't you see?" I reveal by caressing his chest (Jesus!) with the excuse of pointing out the pockets on the front of my checked shirt, very similar to his "Yours doesn't have these"

"Oh shit, in the daze of waking up I must have taken yours instead of mine, they look the same"

"How did you not notice? Can't you see that it's a girl's shirt? The buttons are on the other side" I button up a couple of them and in doing so I notice how comfortable my shirt looks on him. Very comfy. Too comfy. He swims in it. It's obvious he didn't notice, if I was a nice size SMALL or EXTRASMALL he wouldn't be able to fit a single arm in this fucking shirt. But no, he didn't pay attention to it, because his girlfriend is a heavyweight. Well he should have noticed for the opposite reason, that is that he could fit his whole band in that shirt.

"Ah! That's why I couldn't fucking button it up! I felt stupid, for a moment I thought I was stoned or was having an aneurysm or something hahaha"

"You're insane" I shake my head and take the plates to put them on the table, turning my back to him to not to show him my face, darkened by the previous thoughts. Why does my brain always have to ruin the best moments?

"I know, I know. Anyway it's comfortable and it smells like you, I think I'll keep it. Can I?" I turn around in puzzlement and when I look at him he takes the hems of the shirt and closes them tightly over his chest, miming a hug. Then he shoves his nose against the fabric of the sleeve and pretends to be inebriated by my perfume, emitting a dramatic satisfied sigh.

“Which shitty romantic comedy did you come from, can you explain?” I look at him perplexed and on the inside I thank him for making me forget my fucking negative thoughts in a second.

"I'm not romantic and I'm not funny" he replies very seriously.

"And in any case the cliché should be the other way around: in any self-respecting romance flick, it's the girl who gets up in the morning and puts on her man's shirt or t-shirt. And he obviously enjoys the view"

"And since when do you respect gender clichés? Why is it always the male eye only that needs to be pleased?" he leans back on the kitchen counter and as he does so the edges of his shirt widen again.

"Shut up or I'll have to… um… jump on you here and now" I half-quote his line from earlier.

"...said the girl, giving him an excellent reason not to stop at all." Eddie walks up to me again in a threatening way (yeah, okay…), but this time it goes badly for him. I think I've never loved and hated Mariah Carey at the same time as much as now.

"Somedaaay Hey Heeeey! Oh hi guys, good morning" Meg enters the kitchen and I don't know if she doesn't notice me and Eddie because her attention is all on the table or if she's just pretending.

"HI"

"Good morning Meg" Eddie and I drift apart like two magnets placed in front of each other. He turns around trying to fasten the remaining buttons on his/my shirt, even though they're backwards, while I dedicate myself to distributing the pancakes on the plates.

“Did I interrupt something?” I correct myself, she noticed and doesn't even pretend she didn't, while she squeezes chocolate onto her pancakes.

“Yes, a debate about feminism” Eddie gives me a flying kiss on the cheek and sits down at the table.

"You can't just flirt like normal couples, huh?" Meg winks at me as I sit down too, resigned to her comments.

"We're not normal individually, let alone as a couple" observes Eddie and he's not entirely wrong. He also goes for the chocolate syrup, so the only one who will give a change to the yogurt will be me, obviously.

“Anyway, when are you going to ask him him to move in here with us?” Meg looks at me first and then, this time, the wink is for Eddie.

"What??"

"So we'll have the cool breakfast every morning"

"If you want pancakes, just ask, no need to get Eddie involved" I mutter as he and Meg laugh loudly at my expense.

“Did you call Crowe?” Meg gives me another jab when she's halfway through her pancakes and it's clear that I'm her favorite target this morning.

"No, I didn't call him"

"And when will you call him?"

"Well, I don't know, I-"

"If you want, I'll take care of it," Eddie saves me in every sense, intervening in the conversation and pouring me some more coffee into the half-empty cup, "I'll tell him when I see him"

"You tell him Angie accepts?!" Meg remains with her fork in mid-air in front of her open mouth and is about to have a bitter surprise.

"Actually, no. I mean, I understood no, or maybe I'm wrong?" Eddie looks alternately between my roommate and me.

"No, you're not wrong, as I already told you, I have decided to refuse" I reassure him and prepare for hell.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Meg drops her fork on her plate and looks at me reproachfully.

"Because, as I already, told you multiple times, it's not for me"

"And you? Don't you have anything to tell her?" Eddie, who evidently appreciated my culinary efforts because he has already cleaned his plate polishing off every crumbs, pauses for a few seconds, keeping the napkin over his mouth before speaking.

"Um? Me? Why? What should I say?"

"What should you say?! Convince her, right?" Meg looks at both of us like we're idiots.

"Well, we talked about it. Personally I think it's a great opportunity, but if Angie doesn't feel like doin'g it, then she shouldn't do it. I don't want to put pressure on her or anything like that." Eddie gets up, puts the plate in the sink along with the cup, after finishing his coffee.

"I, on the other hand, really wanna put all the pressure on you. I mean, without an external push you would never do a damn thing, you wouldn't even be here! And then I think you're making a huge mistake by saying no! And you should tell her too, if you care about her" my friend shuffles in her seat, she didn't expect to find herself in the minority.

"I do care. And since I care I want her to be free to choose what to do. If she took part to the movie just to make us happy, it would be useless. At least, that's what I think." Eddie explains his thesis and then approaches me again and gives me another quick kiss on the lips "I'm going to shower and get dressed. With the right clothes this time"

I look at him dreamily as he leaves the kitchen and walks away, until I meet Meg's questioning gaze.

"Hehe it's because he wore the wrong shirt, he wore mine instead of his... because in the dark they looked the same to him eheh"

"This is not the explanation I'm looking for"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you tell him?"

"Him who?"

"Eddie! He's suddenly so careful not to offend your feelings, what did you say to him?" he crosses his arms and looks at me defiantly.

“What makes you think I said anything to him?”

"I know you. And, even if a little less, I know him too"

"Can't it be that he just believes what he said?"

"No. He didn't believe it when he forced you to play basketball with the band, play drums at Cameron's party, go up the Space Needle, make out in front of an entire club full of people for two hours. I don't see why he would have changed his mind now, unless you intervened in some way" Meg aggressively counts my adventures on her fingers.

“Aren't you going to finish your pancakes?”

"No, I won't give you the slightest culinary satisfaction until you speak" and she knows that it bothers me a lot, she's using strong methods.

"But I have nothing to say"

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing"

"What did you really tell him?"

"Hahaha NOTHING!"

“Did you promise him sexual favors?”

"He's my boyfriend, he already has my favors, I don't need to promise anything to him"

"Maybe favors that are... a little kinkier than usual?"

"No!"

"Just tell me then or these pancakes are gonna end up in the bin" Meg takes the plate, gets up and stands in front of the dustbin.

"You wouldn't dare"

"Wanna bet?" maintaining eye contact with me, she slowly puts her foot on the bin's pedal and the lid opens up with a click.

"Well, it's not like I told him anything specific…"

"HA! You did say something to him, then?!" the lid closes, but she doesn't move.

"I talked to him about the fact that I wouldn't be comfortable being an actress"

"Mmmm"

"And that I would have too many lines to memorize"

"And?"

"That the presence of Tim Burton would have put me in difficulty"

"Okay... and?"

"And that I would have been hypercritical and would never want to see that film again if I had been in it… Maybe, due to the trauma, I would never set foot on a movie set again"

"Only that?" Meg's little foot still rests on the pedal of the dustbin.

"Only that?! I basically told him that it could put my entire career at risk."

"Okay. And then, what else did you tell him?" Meg doesn't give up and I feel I'm about to capitulate, I have no other choice.

“And well, I may have added some plot details…”

"THERE YOU GO. Tell me about these details" Meg realized she finally had me in her under her thumb and she sits back down at the table, placing the plate in front of her.

"I might have told him that, while skimming through the script, I had read of something I didn't feel like doing"

“What the hell of a story did you make up, Angie?” my friend shakes her head and grabs her fork again.

"I didn't invent anything! I just told him that at a certain point I thought I saw a scene with…"

"With…?"

"With a kiss"

"A KISS?!"

"A kiss, a very long one"

"AHAHAHAHAH YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH!" Meg doesn't hold back and laughs holding her belly.

"Look, it's true! There is a kiss! There are several! Just, um, not exactly in my scene"

"WHAT A BAD BITCH!"

“And since I mentioned this to Eddie, he suddenly became very understanding of my insecurities.”

"YOU DON'T SAY?! Who knows why?" Meg dives back into the pancakes, but not before adding some more chocolate syrup.

"You won't tell him anything, right?"

"Look, I would be tempted because for me you are a fool to refuse a part in the film and I would involve anyone to convince you, but…"

"But?"

"But I love your perfidiousness in this thing too much to let you get caught"

"I'm not evil!"

"No, you're just a little budding manipulator who cunningly uses someone else's weakness for her own gain… Little Angie is growing up! I could almost start crying" Meg feigns emotion and wipes away some fake tears with her napkin.

"Ahaha I didn't manipulate Eddie"

"You used his jealousy to make him do what you wanted, how do you call it?"

"I just striked some chords…"

"You pulled the right strings!" Meg gets up and puts the plate in the sink with the rest.

"I don't know if you're trying to play with my conscience to get me to tell Eddie the truth and accept the part or if you actually appreciate my little dishonest ploy."

"Mmm a bit of both!" Meg leaves the kitchen and retrieves her jacket and bag, I join her at the door "Anyway, in the end, even if manipulated, Eddie is right: it's you who decides. It's just that... I would have loved to brag a bit and say Hey, my friend is in that movie!"

"Half the people you know will be in that movie. Anyway, once I become a successful author, you can say Hey, my friend wrote that!"

"I can't wait! Alright, see you tonight at Roxy's"

"Ok see ya"

"Did you follow me to the door to say bye or to make sure I wouldn't go and tell Eddie"

"Hahaha to say bye! You would never do that. At least, not now that he's in the shower"

"Well, I could if I wanted to, you're not the jealous one in the couple" he winks at me and opens the door.

"Bye Meg"

"Besides, I've already seen him in his underwear, so" she's about to leave, but she comes back and shrugs at me.

"BYE" I close the door in her face as a joke and she holds it open with one foot.

"And my friends' boyfriends are all like women to me"

"JUST GO IT'S LATE, SEE YOU TONIGHT!"

The woodworm that Meg has just tried to put in my head about my unfair attitude towards Eddie doesn't even have time to creep into my thoughts when the phone starts ringing.

"Hello"

"…" on the other side just silence.

"Hello?" I repeat and actually I seem to hear noises through the receiver. It's not a noisy line, it's mora like someone is waiting in silence with the receiver in their hand.

"Is anyone there or not?" the moment I clearly perceive a breath I freeze. I look around to figure out where Eddie is, because I can't hear the sound of the shower water anymore, but I don't see him around. I go peek in my room and it's not there, so he's probably finished the shower, but he's still in the bathroom.

"Is it you?"

"…" still nothing.

"Do you need anything? Do you need money?" I ask in a low voice, but without getting any answer, except for an abrupt termination of the phone call.

I exhale deeply, as if I've been holding my breath for a while, and maybe I really have. I drop the phone on the table, take my plate and put it in the sink along with everything else. I glance at the clock. No, I don't have time now, I'll wash them later today.

A new ring of the phone makes me jump, I look at it for a while without doing anything, but then I decide to answer, if only to prevent Eddie from becoming suspicious and coming out here to see what's happening and why no one answers the phone.

"HELLO?!"

"Hey, good morning to you too! What happened? Did you wake up with a bad case of the grumpies this morning?" the response on the other end, this time, puts me in a completely different mood.

"Hi mom! No, everything's ok"

"I mean, it sounded like you wanted to maul whoever was on the other end of the phone…"

"No, it's just… there's someone having fun making prank calls this morning. They call and don't speak, without even a bit of imagination, at least they could come up with something more articulated"

"Like, if you have to bother me, at least use creativity"

"Exactly"

"Okay, how are you? Sorry I'm calling you this early, but at least I'm sure I'd find you"

"No problem, you did well. In fact, you barely found me because I have to go to class soon" I walk up to my room to get the clothes to put on, waiting for Eddie to come out of the bathroom.

"That's it, exactly. I'll end up having to make an appointment to talk to you on the phone"

"Don't worry, I still have time, we can have our fulfilling mother-daughter conversation"

"Good girl. So how are you? How did your holidays go?"

“Well, I worked a lot!”

"It's a shame they're called holidays…"

"Okay, I also rested and did a lot of things that I've had pending for ages! I defrosted the fridge, I cleaned the chandeliers, I washed all the carpets…" I go back to the corridor while I recall all the steps of the great house cleaning.

"What a strange concept of rest"

"Ugh, I went out with Meg and the others too, I haven't been home all day"

"I had no doubts. And how is Eddie?"

"Eddie is-" he almost caught me off guard "Why are you asking me about Eddie? And more importantly, how do you know him?" yeah, how do you know the guy who just came out of the bathroom covered only by a short towel tied not very firmly at the waist that could fall at any moment and who winked at me before slipping into my room.

"Oh your father told me about him"

"Did he tell you about him? What did he tell you?" the guy who slips into the room without closing the door, takes off the towel and… NO, ANGIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME AND YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR MOTHER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

"Yeah, I mean, he told me that you have a friend called Eddie and that he met him."

“It happened months ago, why are you asking me about my friends now?” and why Eddie, would be the real question. But I don't want to get too carried away and make her suspicious.

"No, I'm just looking at the photos your father took when he came to visit you…"

"Ah, the famous photos that I haven't seen yet" I lock myself in the bathroom and put it on speakerphone, so I can brush my teeth in the meantime.

"Well, because he only developed them now! Forgive him, he's been very busy with work, I've barely seen him too"

"I know, I know, it's just that he told me he would send them to me"

"In fact, he's going to send them to you exactly this morning. Which would also be the reason why I called you, to tell you this"

"Oh great! Thank him"

"And… you know, since I have a photo of you with Eddie right in front of me right now, he came to my mind, just like this"

"Totally random"

"Right. Anyway, how is he?" He's fine, mom, thanks. He spent the night with me and now he is naked in my room.

"Good! From what I know, at least. I mean, the band is recording the album, I don't see them as often as before" well done, Angie. Plural. Go with plural.

“But you told me earlier that you hung out with the guys during spring break.”

"Yes, of course, but I haven't seen them in a while now. However, they're happy, Stone told me that everything is going well." Was using Stone as a diversion from Eddie a good move?

"Ah! So you've seen Stone more than Eddie!" no, it's not good at all.

"I saw them equally, mom, don't get any strange ideas, I thought I made myself clear enough at Christmas" I snort and start taking off my dressing gown and pajamas.

"Very clear! You know what? The pictures are very beautiful, you'll see. Now I'll get dad for you, he has to tell you something"

"Okay?" my father? What does he have to tell me? He won't ask me about Eddie too, will he?

"Bye Angie, call me next time so I don't bother you, okay?"

"You're not mad because I'm talking to you while getting ready and doing something else in the meantime, are you?" I get dressed quickly, the only thing I forgot to take are the boots, but I can put them on later.

"No, but call! Okay, here's your father"

"Bye"

"Hey Angie!"

"Hi Dad"

"Today I'm sending you all the photos I took when I came to Seattle. Sorry if I'm late but it's been a mess. I've practically been living in the darkroom for weeks"

"Don't worry. How did they turn out?" I put my pajamas in the laundry hamper, throw my robe over my shoulder and, with the phone still on loudspeaker in my hand, I leave the bathroom.

"Not to brag, but they turned out great! Both the ones from the concerts and those from the beach party. I got a nice box here, ready to be shipped"

"Fine, now come out of the dark room and spend some time with mom" when I enter the room I waste no time, I put my dressing gown on the chair and run to cover Eddie's mouth before he can make any sound.

"Don't worry, I'll do that!"

"Did you want to tell me something else? Mom already told me about the pictures" when I'm sure he understood and he nods at me, I release my grip on Eddie's mouth and go and sit on the bed to put on my boots, with my back towards him.

"Yes, I wanted to ask you: do you know Nirvana?"

"Yes, they are a band from around here, I even saw them twice in concert"

"Not as a band, do you know them personally?"

“Um well, not really.”

"What do you mean? Do you know them or not?"

"I know them by sight! Mostly the drummer…" damn, why did I say that?? I quickly turn around and see Eddie has stopped right in the middle of zipping up his pants and is glaring at me "and I exchanged a few words with the bassist, I know who the singer is but that's it"

"Oh because they know you"

"What? And how do you know?" Why do I feel he's not about to tell me anything good? And why the fuck did I keep it on speakerphone? I can't take it off now or it would look like I want to hide things from Eddie.

"They played here in Boise a few days ago"

"Really?"

"At The Zoo" the management guys must have thought it was a real zoo and wanted to send Kurt there, for sure.

"And you went to see them? Weren't you busy with work?" after eternal moments I start tying my boots again and Eddie finally zips up his fly.

"You know what they say, too much work and no play…"

"Yes, and then you end up chasing your family with a hatchet"

"Exactly. Great concert anyway, pure energy! I took few photos unfortunately. The next day I bought the album. They also played some new tracks from the album which has yet to be released"

"And what do I have to do with all this?" if he bought Dave a drink too, I swear I'll scream. What the fuck is that? Does my dad have some kind of radar for my exes now? And he has to talk about it right now with Eddie listening?

"Oh because at one point on stage the singer said something about how it was their first time playing in Idaho and that so far they didn't know anyone from around here, except for a girl who's actually from our town. And he said that he will have to find another nickname for their friend, but it was a quick and rather cryptic conversation that I didn't quite understand. Do you know anything about it?"

"Mmm I have no clue honestly" Eddie looks at me and bursts out laughing, I signal him to be quiet and he covers his face with his hands.

"But you're the friend, aren't you?"

"I don't think so," a friend of that jerk?? I'd rather gouge my eyes out with my bare hands "I wonder who he was talking about, there must be other people from Boise who moved to Seattle, I'm not that special, you know?"

"That's why I asked you if you knew them…"

"Yes, but only by sight and they don't know where I'm from, they don't even know my name eheh" Eddie uncovers his face and makes a noise as if to say Yes, of course!

"Oh well, it's just a coincidence then"

"Of course it is"

"Ok, I'll leave you now. I'll go to the post office and then to the editorial office"

"Okay. Bye and good luck with your work"

"And say hello to Meg"

"Alright"

"And Eddie" Eddie looks at me and explodes into a toothy smile, while he waves hello with his little hand in the direction of the phone.

“Go-why Eddie?”

"No reason, he just came to my mind"

“Let me guess: you got one of his pictures right in front of your eye right now, right?” well, now Eddie will think that in my house there is a little altar with a picture of him, flowers and candles and that my parents pray on it every single morning.

"Hehe, actually yes! Say hello to him when you see him, ok? He's a good boy"

"I will. Bye dad"

“Bye Ray,” Eddie replies to himself as soon as I hang up.

"If they had heard you, I would have killed you!"

"Pff overreacting as usual…" now fully dressed, he comes and sits next to me on the bed.

"Ha! Don't even think about it, it's late and we have to rush to the university"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I just wanted to get this" all cocky, he reaches under the bed and pulls out his backpack.

"Sure"

"I'm a good boy"

"Okay, if the good boy is ready, it's time to go"

"Ok let's go"

*****************************************************************************************************

"How do you say Can I have your number in Swiss?"

"There's no such thing as Swiss, Mike" the girl from the staff just opened the door to the dressing rooms, just long enough to tell us Soundcheck in zehn Minuten, and that idiot has already fallen in love.

"What do you mean? So what do they speak in this hell of a country?"

"Where are we now, that is Zurich, they speak German" I just give him the key concept, we have a soundcheck to do and I'm not in the mood to explain Swiss multilingualism to my bass player.

"Okay, how do you say it in German?"

"Ask them in English, you'll see they understand you anyway" Layne gets up and motions to Starr, the only one sitting, to do the same and follow him.

"The whole world speaks English" says Sean the wise.

"You should have learned it by now, after the shitty show the other night in Düsseldorf" Layne opens the dressing room door and goes out, followed closely by us, remembering our nice little mishap the day before yesterday, when Mike al most got us killed. A typical Alice in Chains Monday night, in short.

"AGAIN? Look, I made a fucking comment in a fucking bar full of people, I thought you barely heard me, let alone those guys!" Mike isn't entirely wrong, there was an absurd mess in that karaoke bar. I don't know how the fuck we ended up there, I think it was just the closest source of alcohol on the way between the concert venue and the place we were sleeping at. We were all shitfaced when a guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses, who had just destroyed The show must go on on stage, passed by us. The very second as Mike noticed an unexpected resemblance.

"We all thought he didn't look anything like Freddie Mercury, but we kept it to ourselves instead of shouting it from the rooftops!"

"But it was so him! It was the Fonz with a moustache! What the fuck did I say? I said nothing bad, I didn't call him an idiot"

"Actually the exact words were Such an asshole, rather than Freddie Mercury, he looks like the Fonz with a mustache ah ah ah"

"Okay, he only heard the second part though"

"And thank goodness, otherwise he and his friends would have kicked us all the way inside the hotel, instead of stopping outside"

We arrive on stage and start with the rehearsals without getting lost in further chatter. We're here to play four songs in front of a couple of thousand people who don't give a shit about us and who can't wait for us to get off our balls and enjoy the Megadeth concert, of which we are the support band. But for us it's fucking life, playing is playing, as long as they put us on a stage, we'll do it with anyone and in front of any audience. I mean, we've opened for everyone from fucking Poison to Iggy Pop in just the space of one year. In this Andy and I were really on the same wavelength. I remember the nights spent fantasizing about our imaginary future concerts in stadiums and temples of rock. "Madison Square Garden? I'll even go there with the fucking Warrant just to play there!" I can still hear him say. I miss him so fuckin' much. Well, at least I like Megadeth even though maybe neither they nor their fans like me. We are at the fourth date of this European tour and we still haven't even exchanged a word. Let's say we almost didn't even see them. And the people? Well, if they're cold that's fine, when it's bad then they'll just throw shit at us on stage. If Angie were here, she'd suggest we put up a protective net like in the Blues Brothers… Well, thank goodness the soundcheck is over because I'm getting melancholic as fuck and I need a fucking beer. Without speaking we all leave and go out in the same direction, straight towards the nearest bar, hoping this isn't karaoke too. When I see a phone booth on the other side of the road, however, I can't help but take action and take a small detour.

"I have to… um I have to make a phone call, see you later"

“Can't you call from the bar? I'm pretty sure they have a phone there too”

"Oh no, Mike, he can't! Can't you see the young gentleman here doesn't want to be heard? It's so obvious!" Sean is already on the starting blocks of taking the piss out of yours truly.

"But who do you have to call? The same girl from yesterday?"

"From yesterday and the day before yesterday…" continues the drummer.

"But what about minding your own business?"

"And who is this girl? Aren't you going to tell us?"

"Layne knows her, she's a friend of Dem" Kinney is super informed on the facts, as I imagined Layne held back, but not completely and let the minimum slip. Excellent.

"I cultivate the noble art of minding my own fuckin' business, so I don't know anything"

"Well done Layne!" I pat my buddy on the shoulder and start to walk away again.

"Well done my ass, we're worried about you!"

"Speak for yourself, I'm very calm and I just want the booze" and this too was predictable from Sean. By now I could write everyone's parts in our dialogues, I know them like the back of my hand.

"Don't listen to him, you are our brother! You just miraculously emerged from the disaster with Angie, you know... and now you're going to get yourself in trouble in yet another serious affair with someone else??"

"Who told you this is serious?"

"If it's worth three intercontinental calls, it's serious for me"

"Come on, she's someone he's just met, she's fresh and he wants to keep her interested, right?"

"I see you already know everything so I have nothing else to add, see you later" I walk away amidst the shouts and whistles of my companions and I see them proceed shuffling towards the bar from inside the booth.

I take the small address book from the inside pocket of my jacket and obviously I open it to the first page, to the letter A. I know I should flip on through it, but I can't, it's as if I'm stuck, as if I'm short-circuiting for a few seconds . I put what I think it's the equivalent of our tonight's salary in coins into the phone and dial the wrong number on purpose. What time will it be the now? Like 9 or 10 in the morning, maybe she's not even home.

"Hello" but she's fucking there instead.

"Hello?" she repeats and at that point I realize that I haven't spoken, because in reality I thought I'd answered and told her that it was me and that I'm in a break between soundcheck and concert and that I called her because, for a change, I was thinking about her .

"Is anyone there or not?" I think I can hear myself telling her about the Fonz with the moustache, about the more than necessary protective net for our stage, about Mike who last night was about to pick up a girl who told him she was in her third year at Gymnasium, thinking it meant she was a gym freak, before I saved him by explaining that she was a fucking high school student.

"Is it you?" I'm panicking because I got caught like an idiot. After all, who else would call her and then give her the silence treatment? And from abroad too… I'm such an asshole.

"Do you need help? Do you need money?" at this point it's as if I wake up from some kind of fucking hypnosis and suddenly hang up the phone. Money? Why would Angie think I'm calling her for money? The answer is simple: she didn't catch me at all and she thought I was someone else. But who? Who could call her in the morning asking for money? What kind of mess did she get herself into? When I leave the phone booth I remember that I forgot to call Heather like we agreed, but who cares after all? The guys think I did it, in the end it's the gesture that counts. I join the band at the bar counter with a head full of questions.

The questions run through my head until the concert and even during and after that. In the end the show didn't go bad at all, apart from a few painless coins thrown, the audience also reacted well. You can see that the Swiss are more polite! And I was proven wrong twice tonight because, as soon as we got off the stage, we were immediately intercepted by David Elleffson and Marty Friedman of Megadeth who complimented us, confessing that they had no idea who the fuck we were before they heard us and that in their opinion we rock the asses, even if our name doesn't sound very good to them. We all spent the evening together drinking, smoking and talking bullshit, especially them, because at a certain point Marty said that they want to propose us as the opening band for the mega tour they will do with Slayer and Anthrax once they return home and in my opinion it was the drugs talking. Not that we don't deserve it, on the contrary! Well, I'll wait and see what happens, it would be cool, but I don't want to day dream for nothing. I prefer to take things as they come, day by day. But who the fuck calls you to ask you for money first thing in the morning? Maybe it's just a friend in need that Angie is helping because she always has to help everyone? Or maybe not…

[bookns]

all of them are folklore. Meg March is Invisible String, Jo March is My Tears Riochet (fight me on this I dare you). Amy March is mirriorball and Beth is Epiphany (It just works)

Meg March is the Lover album. She is the Man because she not only is a feminist but a mother just the same - the hardest kind of woman. I think He knows - (he's so obsessed with me and boy, I understand)(lets not forget that John had her glove and that John was ALWAYS looking) She is Daylight, she always thought she had to pretend to be rich and powerful to earn love but in reality she found love in her small home of love with John (once believed it would be black and white but its golden)- I almost forgot paper rings but I like shiny thing but I marry you with paper rings- self explanatory I feel (this is the most Meg March song and I almost forgot about it). (she is also Sweet Nothing

Jo March is MIDNIGHTS (fight me on this, I dare you)- Midnight Rain. You're on your own, kid (EMPAHSIS ON THIS), Bigger than the whole sky (I imagine she sings this to Baby Beth), (and what would've could've (NOT SHOULD'VE)been her and Laurie) the literal Anti Hero, Would've Could've Should've (I know it was the time period but Mr. Bhear was 19/20 years older and Jo was still in her 20's (Give her back her girlhood) She is Labyrith but I would like to argue that this is not about her falling in love with Laurie and Mr. Bhear, but her falling in with writing. She lost it so many times whether it was to Beth's Death (I hate the fact that those two rhyme) and her constant denial at the publishers door stop. She is Karma (as much as I love Amy, this is to her and to all the publishers that never took her). (hell Even Louisa May Alloct is Karma because she is actually a world renown house hold name). She is bejeweled because she took her mind, and everyone who doubted her and created something greater than anyone else.(Laurie and Jo is so you're losing me coded "I'm the best thing at this party...I wouldn't marry me either)(I did freak out when I heard that) (before you argue LAURIE AND JO ARE EVERMORE BUT ONLY WHEN THEY TOGETHER) (Laurie and Jo are Coney Island (sorry for not making you my centerfold), happiness and Majorie (baby Beth) but also Jo/Laurie is THE ONE. THE FUCKING ONE (Amy March saying I have been SECOND to Jo my whole life.)

Gee, I wonder which March Girl is my favorite?

[sukirichi]

sweet lies [03.final]

His lies were way too sweet – and you were too addicted to make him stop.

cw. toxic! megumi, SEXY TOXIC MEGUMI 🥵, toxic college settings, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasm, orgasm denial, explicit smut, car sex, biting, scratching, sukuna is a sex god, MEGUMI WITH A LIP RING, slight angst

note. FINALLY FINISHED THIS SERIES AAAAHHH I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS I HAD A LOT OF FUN WITH THIS SERIES TYSM FOR EVERYTHING! lotsa lub lub for each and everyone of you! anyways let me just say...sweet lies sukuna can politely rail me.

series masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03

It’s…a different story when you have to move back and forth between your newly made acquaintance slash fuck buddy, Sukuna, to your actual fuck buddy and crush, Megumi.

Sukuna’s polite enough to not meddle into your business as he’s promised, which you’re extremely thankful for, but you should’ve known the bubble of happiness would pop the moment you stepped out of your apartment. You’ve left your phone unattended and on silent, earbuds always placed inside to ignore Megumi’s calls.

It’s funny, actually, that he’s never replied much to you before other than occasional dick pic and ‘you awake baby?’ but ever since you’ve been…pre-occupied, suddenly you’re on top of his contacts.

You grumble at the vibration of your phone, Megumi’s name flashing on the screen. Back then, you would’ve soared and jumped to pick up the call, voice sultry and toes pointed at the ceiling as you try to keep in your giggles. Now, you’re dreading it, glaring at his annoyingly handsome contact icon that used to make your heart skip a beat. You’re studying in the library and have been doing a terrific job at avoiding him so far, and today won’t be any different.

With a sigh, you completely flip your phone upside down and turn back to your book. You’re on the second line of the paragraph when you feel large, warm hands caress the back of your neck, tilting you upwards to meet his curious – and certainly annoyed – blue eyes.

“Babe,” Megumi drawls out, minty breath fanning your cheeks.

He looks absolutely stunning today, plain and casual yet so handsome in just a black hoodie and sweatpants, his dark hair slicked back to reveal his forehead. For a guy who sure pounded into your skill he had no interest in you that went beyond sexual, he sure did know you well enough, the slight tugging of his lips a sign he could easily read through you. It makes you huff away from him, scooting – trying is the keyword – away from his touch. Megumi’s persistence leads him into you placing you right above his lap and cages you between his arms, chin on your shoulder and his breath floating over your ear.

You can’t help but squirm in embarrassment. Half of the students in the campus library have turned to look at you, and Megumi merely smiles at the attention, audacious enough to kiss the shell of your ear.

Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him! In reality, you really do want to fuck him.

“Why have you been ghosting me?”

“I wasn’t ghosting you, Megumi, it’s called being busy. You ever tried doing homework?”

“You’re so mean to me today,” he pouts, but that pout soon brightens into a smile when you scowl at him. Megumi, albeit never really paying attention to you, your facial expressions have registered as second nature to him now. It doesn’t take much before you soften under his hold, still as mushy as ever, and the nasty fucker basks in it proudly. “There’s a party tonight at Okkotsu’s house, said his parents were away in Greece or some rich family shit. Wanna come and get wasted with me?”

“I don’t know, Megs, I have an essay to finish…”

“Come on, it’s just one night. It won’t hurt,” he shrugs and sways you to side to side, causing your heart to sway side to side in giddiness. It’s this – moments like this – that really fools you into believing Megumi likes you. And that sweet lie only turns sweeter from his words that drip like honey, “Plus, I’ve missed you. Can’t think straight when we’ve been apart for too long, baby.”

You pretend to think about it.

That slight falter in a split second brings about a waver in Megumi’s confident you didn’t think would be possible. Not that you can blame him; you never did have to think about it whenever he invites you to fuck around with him. In fact, you say yes a lot faster than he can ask you something, but something’s been changing you lately – or rather someone.

In the end though, you’ll circle up right where you belong.

Relishing in the rarity of having Megumi coddle you with kisses and affection, his perfume still as boyish and vanilla that deluded you into his faux aura of a sweet boy, you melt one more time. Hopefully, it would transition into a one last time before Megumi’s completely wrapped you around his finger.

“Fine. I’m leaving if it’s too noisy though.”

“Awesome,” Megumi chirps, pulling you in for a long, solid kiss. It takes you back by surprise that you end up wide-eyed above him, stiff hands on his shoulders as you feel him smile through the kiss. Then, just as you’re about to kiss him back with the same passion, Megumi separates himself from you and squeezes your ass. “Promise we’ll have fun, babe. I’ll even bring extra condoms.”

You’re not surprised he left afterwards.

But are you hurt? Most definitely so.

Fuck Fushiguro Megumi.

You were going to leave him, block him, ignore him, avoid him, and carve him out of your heart for good. It’s what you deserve – to be freed from such a toxic guy like him. His pretty face shouldn’t be an excuse for you stick around any longer. That party…well, it would be your last one, you’re never going back!

Still, it’s not that easy to let go. Years of following him around with puppy eyes and spreading your legs open for him like it’s the most natural thing to do isn’t just going to disappear in a day.

It’s for closure, you lie to yourself. That’s all it is – you just need closure. So for one last time, you’ll fuck around with Megumi, then you’d leave him. For good this time.

And yet – your mind still races back to him. His throaty, boyish laughter and the stupid way his eyes crinkle into half moons, his large hands slapping his knees when you tell him a really silly joke. Okay, he didn’t really laugh that much because he’s already passed out in the times you crack jokes after sex, but the few times he did, though? It’s magical, beautiful, phenomenal.

He’s so awful yet so irresistibly charming it’s a huge tug of war between your rational mind and foolish heart.

You couldn’t focus anymore in the library. If you wanted to pass your exams, you need to be somewhere that won’t remind you of him, in a place where a stronger aroma would conceal his lingering scent. The best option was to hang around in a local café closer to your apartment than on campus, and you’ve completely ditched your usual get up to just opting for lookinglike a complete shut in – bags under eyes, heart torn over a stupid boy, the usual Iced Vanilla Latte with the condensation sticking to the wooden table and soft lofi music playing in the background – it’s just the perfect atmosphere for you to wallow in self-pity.

And wallow in self-pity you did, your cheeks squished against the pale furniture while you sighed for what seems like the hundredth time that day. At the back of your head, Megumi is still giving you one of those slow, long kisses reserved for only when he’s half-sleepy, your heart doing insane back flips as you reminisced whatever moments you once had.

You’re so lost in your own train of thought you fail to hear the scraping of a chair, followed by a heavy body plopping across you. “Well, this is kind of gloomy…”

At the sound of that awfully familiar, deep voice, you sit up straight in a frenzy. Sukuna smirks at your reaction as he loudly sips from his matcha latte – which you would’ve never thought he likes – and sits back at his chair, legs crossed against one another. Unlike Megumi, he doesn’t seem to pose any other malicious intent, so you bury your head in your arms, wishing for the ground to just open up and eat you already.

“I’m sleep deprived and haven’t eaten anything except Red Bull and coffee,” you try to explain, “I look horrible.”

“Don’t say that. You’re gorgeous all the time.”

From under your arms, you scowl at nowhere in particular, ignoring the heat rushing from the back of your neck. Sukuna didn’t seem to be flirting with you, and one peek at him swirling his straw inside his cup proves your theories.

However, the offhanded compliment falls so naturally from his lips it takes you a back, and not in a good way. Defensively, you cross your arms against your chest. You knock your toes against Sukuna’s knees under the knees to get his attention, the taller man peering at you under his lashes, tongue innocently swirling around his straw.

I fucking hate men! – is what you want to say, but something different comes out. “Why are you even here? Aren’t you asleep in the morning because of work?”

“It’s my day off,” he sets his cup down, placing his chin on both of his palms. Sukuna’s gaze travels from your face down to the abandoned papers before you, a scowl immediately making its way to his face.  “Got too bored to cook so I came here for a light snack. As for you…ew, are you doing essays? I hated that shit in college.”

“Yeah, I hate it too,” you numbly agree, “Can barely function right now.”

Sukuna’s eyes lit up the moment you nearly fall on the table again, his palm quick to caress your cheek. If he can feel the intense heat of your skin from the sudden gesture, he makes no comment about it. Instead, Sukuna hauls you from your seat, nodding to your bag and papers before he rushes you out the door.

When Sukuna said he could make you feel better, the last thing you thought of was going to the nearby park. Now, you find yourself sitting comfortably with him, aggressively licking on the vanilla ice cream he’d gotten you from an ice cream man that passed by. It’s a great way to kill the time – or just to enjoy the day despite the rough start – because the sunlight feels warm on your skin, the trees above you shading you from extra shade.

Next to you, Sukuna is surveying his ice cream with the least interest, his brows furrowed as he notes, “Your crush is toxic. I suggest you cut ties with him and get it all over with.”

In part of making you feel better, Sukuna’s subtly given you clues you could tell him whatever’s going on in your mind. It makes you wonder if maybe you’ve been that obvious that even Sukuna could read you, but you’re thankful that he understood, because you really did want to rant about it. Your friends are just a one call away, but they’re not any better. They’ll keep claiming ‘Megumi just needs time’ because they know it’s what you want to hear to make yourself feel better. Though, every once in a while, you needed to talk to someone who could actually slap the harsh reality at your face, and who else would be more suitable than a mature adult like Sukuna?

Looking at him now, the contrast between your roommate and your crush is immense. Where Megumi is all bark and no bite, all needy and never giving, Sukuna’s silent and compliant, an extremely good listener with the patience of a monk.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Yeah it is. Just block his number and avoid him. He’ll get the answer soon enough.”

“You don’t understand,” you groan in defeat. Sukuna faces you with worry written all over his face, seemingly tender in comparison to the tattoos marking his skin. Sometimes, it’s so easy to forget he’s actually a lot more decent than Fushiguro fucking Megumi, but you end up slipping anyway, turning to the sky just as tears prick at your eyes. “I…I love him, okay? I’ve always been in love with him even though I know I’m just someone who warms his bed. I know that much and yet…I can’t seem to let him go.”

Sukuna is silent for a full minute. You thought he’ll offer you some adult wisdom only people like him would now, but Sukuna simply snorts, happily licking at his ice cream as if you didn’t just break down in front of him. “Shit’s tough then.”

“You’re great at comforting, you know that?”

“Oh, I wasn’t comforting you,” he smiles and pats your knee, “Come on, let’s go home. I know just how to take your mind off things.”

With the way he’s caressing your thigh and his voice turned an octave lower, you chastise yourself for feeling aroused when you wanted to cry just seconds ago. But his fingers are inching closer and closer to your inner thigh, and he’s warm and strong – so fucking nice too that perhaps fucking him wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

But like always, Sukuna never fails to surprise you.

You expected he’d take you right to his room the moment you’ve crossed the door, but Sukuna dashes for the TV before carrying a huge blanket and heaps of pillow. You watch there, stunned. He makes quick work of fluffing the pillows before grabbing your wrist and pulling you above him the same way Megumi did a while ago.

The only difference? Your heart doesn’t skip a beat. You’re not intoxicated by his scent. You’re not trying to squirm away from him nor do you feel like a silly little schoolgirl who’s fallen in love at first sight.

Where Megumi is deceivingly charming, Sukuna is more like a strong pillar to lean on, which you do exactly. Your head rests on his shoulder, both of your legs tangled under the blankets he’s covered you with. He’s blinking as Tangled plays on the TV, the faint sensation of his fingers playing with yours comforting and way too comfortable. It should feel weird to hang out with a guy like this without him wanting to shove his dick deep inside you minutes later (your movie marathons with Megumi never really finish as previously planned) but with Sukuna?

It feels natural. It feels great. It feels like home.

You’re gaping at him long before you realize it, one of your hands absentmindedly playing with the strings of his hoodie. Sukuna hums along to I Have A Dream with a small smile on his face, one that forms into a playful glare as he catches you staring at him. “Don’t look at me like that. Disney is a classic.”

You fight back a smile. “Wasn’t complaining,” burying yourself deeper into his warm embrace, you’re lulled into an early slumber with Sukuna’s humming combined with the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

His plan worked efficiently – for a moment, you forget your heart was aching to begin with.

After screaming internally for a good hour and a half, you arrive at the party anyway. The stench of weed, alcohol, and sex hanging thickly in the air is more than familiar to you by now. You ignore the catcalls you receive as you make your way to Megumi and fuck, he just had to look even sexier tonight.

He’s ditched his e-boy getup with a plain white shirt, black ripped skinny jeans, a Converse, and that black leather jacket he always refused to wear. Megumi really woke up and chose violence today, the minimalistic silver chain around his neck only adding to his appeal. You should’ve run away then – he literally screams trouble – but you’ve never been one to shy from that. Truth be told, you’re only pulled in harder, swaying your hips side to side as you sashay to where he’s laughing along with his friends.

Clearing your throat to get his attention, Megumi finally lays his eyes on you.

You’re glad you took the extra time to dress in your best outfit today – a lace orange mini dress that accentuates your cleavage just enough for a tease, paired with black combat boots and a white purse slung from your shoulder. Pride pumps through your veins when Megumi steps away from his friends, his hands encircling around your waist almost possessively. He smirks through your hair, those addicting lips trailing lower and lower down to your neck until, “You smell like another man.”

Now that you weren’t expecting. He doesn’t seem to be mad, perhaps a little jealous judging by how he’s grinding his crotch to your abdomen and tugs you closer, but this is Megumi in the question. He never gets jealous, so you flatten your palms onto his chest, eyes daring and red lips upturned into a smirk as you ask, “Why do you care?”

Megumi raises a brow – which really shouldn’t have been such a sexy thing – at your spunk. Normally, you’re too sweet and submissive to him, never would’ve even dared to dress something as revealing like this, but maybe you’re tired of being sweet.

Maybe this time, you wanted to match Megumi’s spice, fight fire with fire.

Megumi chuckles above your lips and swipes a thumb over your lower lip, humming when the coating doesn’t stain his fingers. He’s mentioned before he hates washing the lipstick off his dick, and the fact you remember that has him groaning at your ear. Unsurprisingly, Megumi’s already hard. He nibbles at the shell of your ear, possessive hands brushing over your collarbone as a silent promise of what he’ll be doing to you tonight.

“Like I said, this pussy is mine.”

You should say no. It’s evident in the darkness of his eyes he’s daring you to say no, but it’s too much. The cramped space that diminishes space until it becomes a myth, his hands rubbing circles at your hip, the glint of his new lip ring under the disco lights and anything, everything about Fushiguro Megumi just makes you feel so weak you can’t say no.

Satisfied with your silence, Megumi sweeps you upstairs. There’s already a round of Truth or Dare going on with a bunch of drunk and half-high college students, the lights red and the aroma of weed thick in the air.

It bothers you so you stick close to Megumi, nose stuck at the collar of his leather jacket. He’s not satisfied with just you sitting next to him; Megumi is territorial. He makes sure you’re comfy and using his lap like a throne, clasping both your hands in your lap while he boredly stares at his friends. Okkotsu Yuta, the host who used to be super shy in his freshman year but became one of the most sought after guys in his junior year, sits across from you in the circle. He’s already giggling in his drunken state while Nobara Kugisaki makes the mistake of choosing dare, flinging her bra straight at a very enthusiastic Yuuji.

They spin the bottle and it lands straight at you. Megumi hums in anticipation at the crook of your neck, his little sounds mixed with his heated touches sending fire straight down your core. It’s inebriating to have him this close, but you need to keep a straight head if you want to survive.

Fighting the arousal pooling at your stomach, you offer a flat smile. “Truth.” As expected, the crowd isn’t pleased. They holler, “Booooo,” with their hands cupped around their mouths, the others snickering at you, though you’re quite satisfied with the safety of your choice. You could be crazy with Megumi, but being crazy around others isn’t something you’re comfortable with.

Thankfully, Yuta shushes the crowd dramatically with a threat he’ll kick them out with his infamous Katana that’s been passed down by an ancestor. Once everyone’s calmed down, Yuta smirks at you, eyes wiggling as he asks, “Who’s the best dick you ever had?”

You don’t think twice about it. Someone else’s face pops up for a split second, but it’s so natural, so obvious that you would say – “Megumi.”

“Speak louder, baby, they won’t hear.”

“It’s you,” you suddenly grow shy at the attention, whatnot with Megumi shamelessly trailing hot kisses down your neck now for everyone to see. He’s shameless as he rocks you back and forth on his thigh, all the while keeping eye contact with the other guys whose eyes are zeroed in on the swell of your breasts that are an inch away from popping out from your dress. It’s the best time to submit, the perfect time to give him what he wants, and his expert hands prompt his name out of you with a single suck at your neck.

“Fushiguro Megumi.”

“Damn, Megumi, you’ve trained your bitch well.”

“’Course I did. My dick does all the disciplining,” Megumi cups your jaw to tilt your face at him, cooing at you as you flush embarrassed from everyone’s snickering. “Aw, don’t pout baby, it’s all just harmless jokes. You know I treat you like a goddess when we’re alone.”

“Yo, man, get a fucking room!”

Megumi ignores Yuuji’s comments and makes an offhanded comment the latter is just jealous because he hasn’t had his dick wet in days, ensuing a close dog fight between the guys. Maki has to step in and kick the strawberry haired boy back to his seat, scolding her cousin to back down. Meanwhile, you cling to Megumi like a scaredy-cat, head empty with nothing but the way he’s never hold you this close and proudly before.

Just one last time.

“Megs, your turn.”

“Dare.”

Yuuji slaps his palm over Yuta who usually gives the dares. The older guy rolls his eyes but lets it slide, knowing that Yuuji could also let loose with his dares. Megumi isn’t afraid though, he stays docile around you, leaving little nibbles at your ear and even squeezing your boobs at one point. You know he’ll never back down from Yuuji’s dares, even as his eyes darken with mischief. Now, Yuuji is a nice guy, but something doesn’t quite feel right with the way he’s staring Megumi down.

“I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room.”

Megumi freezes.

Time must’ve stopped because everyone is chanting, “KISS, KISS, KISS!” but he makes no move. You stay there, staring up at him wide eyed with your arms looped around his neck. Your heart is beating a mile a minute in your chest the moment Megumi’s eyes gaze down to your lips, smirking as he leans closer, leans down lower, and you close your eyes, waiting for the salacious kiss that would sear at the back of your mind. But it never comes and a gust of wind flies by through you, and before you know it, Megumi’s leaned over your shoulder, his hand cupping the cheek of this girl named Alicia who you’ve heard about from your friends before that she’s Megumi’s current pick.

Alicia was never supposed to kiss him back. Your friends told you, they promised you she wasn’t the type of person to fall for the likes of Megumi, and yet she’s smiling through the kiss. You’re still in Megumi’s lap but your vision is of the audience, their jaws dropped and Yuuji slapping Yuta’s thighs. “Oh, shit! That’s gotta hurt!”

You don’t think twice.

You push yourself off Megumi and run out the room, the sounds of their chaotic laughter mocking you to no end. You know – you fucking know – you’d never quite belong in Megumi’s circle. Everyone knows you’re just another one of his bed warmers, and they also know how much you’re hopelessly in love with him, begging, hoping that one day he might return your affections.

It makes perfect sense with each step you take further from the room. This has to be staged, intentional, because there’s no way Yuuji would’ve said that if he didn’t already have an idea maybe Alicia reciprocated Megumi’s feelings.

But what about your feelings?

Does no one really care? Were you really reduced to just another body count?

Your chest squeezed uncomfortably as you pushed past the crowd, ignoring everyone’s protests from how rough you were. You don’t stop until you’ve locked yourself inside a restroom, tears freely falling down your face. With trembling hands, you fall back to the floor, dialing the only person you could trust right now.

He picks up not three rings later, voice still gruff and laced with sleep. “Hello?”

“S-Sukuna,” you whimper, pathetically wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. “I’m – can you please pick me up?”

From the other line, you can hear Sukuna shuffling for something in the background. Keys dangle and he locks the door, the sounds of his rushed footsteps so relieving to your senses. “Where are you? What’s wrong? Did someone force themselves on you?”

“No, I just…I want to go home.”

“Text me the address. I’ll be there soon.”

You text him the address and end the call. From the outside, the bass is thumping so hard it makes your head pound. You’re already feeling dizzy from crying so much, hands clutched around your chest because it hurts so much.

Stupid Megumi, fucking stupid Megumi – but aren’t you the stupider one? You’re the one who chose to keep being with him despite the warning signs. You’ve heard what everyone said about him, his reputation as a fuckboy isn’t exactly a secret, but you hoped, you sincerely hoped you could at least be good enough. But you’re not not good enough – Megumi just simply doesn’t deserve you. You deserve better and he needs to go to hell, so then why does it hurt so much the more you picture how he’s humiliated you like that?

Your dress is beyond soaked from how much you’ve cried. At this point, you just feel achingly numb. The pounding in your head is matched by the soft knocks rapping against the door, and thinking it’s Megumi or one of his lackeys, you wrap your arms around your knees.

“GO AWAY!”

“Sweetheart, it’s me. Open up, let’s get you home,” It’s Sukuna. Scrambling for the door, you push it open and jump into his arms without a second thought. Sukuna effortlestly catches you, and the dam you thought had dried up in you breaks again. He stiffens as you cry on his shoulder, fists balled around his shirt in a vice-like grip. “Who the fuck made you cry? Is it him again?” he growls, “I seriously want to knock the living daylights out of him.”

“Don’t start a ruckus, Sukuna.”

“I won’t, I promise,” he visibly softens at your state. Sukuna rubs your back soothingly and lets you cry like that, shielding your vulnerable state with his arm. He moves you to hide your face in his chest and kisses the crown of your head, so gentle and unbelievably tender. “I don’t pick on someone weaker than me. That’s bullying.”

You don’t utter another word as he leads you out of the house. He mutters under his breath on how kids are so wild these days and he really can’t imagine he was once like that. Sukuna’s car is parked on the curb, and you rush for it, eager to go home until he stops you. He wraps his jacket around your shoulders to offer you some modesty and you offer him a weak smile, allowing him to embrace you from the sides to guide you.

“Hey!” Megumi calls out, “Hey, what are you doing with her? Let her go,” his footsteps echo behind you just as you clench your eyes shit, “I said let her go!”

“Don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid, don’t punch the kid,” Sukuna mutters to himself like a mantra.

“Yo, steroid guy, you deaf or what? I said let my girl go—” Megumi falls on his ass. He stares up at whoever punched him, eyes wide at Sukuna’s arm raised, but his eyes are on you. “Ow! You fucking bitch, you broke my nose!”

“Shit,” Sukuna laughs beside you as you wince at the soreness of your knuckle. “That was hot.” Somehow, you find the ability to smile. You’ve always wanted to top Megumi, but seeing him below you like this, weak and clutching his broken nose while whining about it like a little bitch, it feels a lot more satisfying.

You want to scream at him, to release all the profanities that have manifested your anger throughout the years. But Megumi crawls back with something unreadable in his eyes, the edges of his lips tinted red with a smack of lipstick, probably from Alicia.

The sight has you scoffing. Maybe you don’t have anything to worry about after all – Megumi hates lipstick stains with a passion. If he ever gets with her, they won’t last long enough.

That fact is enough for you to flip your hair over your shoulder, glaring at Megumi one last time before dragging Sukuna down by the collar. His laughter ceases the moment your lips collide, your hands teasing around his neck to brush at his undercut. Sukuna moans through the kiss, the way he’s explicitly grabbing the flesh of your ass a sign he’s aware what kind of game you’re playing. You make a mental note to apologize for this later, but for now, you’ll shamelessly savor his tongue and the minty aftertaste, grabbing at his large frame that picks you up with no ease.

You leave Megumi gaping at the lawn after that, your finger middle raised right before Sukuna speeds off.

Fuck, that has never felt so good. This feeling…it bursts through you. There’s this certain satisfaction in finally having the power at your fingertips this time around, and you you’re your wicked smile through your hair, too absorbed in your own feelings that you don’t register Sukuna’s worried tone at first.

“So…do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” He doesn’t pry afterwards, just shoots you a curious look. Just moments ago, you were crying and feeling like you’re on the verge of breaking down, but this adrenaline rushing through absolutely cannot fuck around anymore. The image of Megumi realizing he’s lost you is so exhilarating, and you twist your torso to face your roommate, grinning at his handsome features. He looks so delicious like this, black button up shirt left open at the top, his veiny, muscular arms driving one hand on the steering wheel and the other gently caressing your thigh. You suck in a deep breath, licking your lips as you purr, “Hey, Sukuna.”

“Yes?”

“Pull over.”

“Wait, why? We’re so close at home.”

“Pull over, I’m done,” you insist with a glare, although the animosity isn’t directed at him. Sukuna keeps his eyes on the road before he spares you a glance, smirking at how you’re already unclasping your bra from your seat.

“Oh, I see how it is. You’re going to use me as a stress reliever.”

At his words, your arms still behind you. You glance up at him with wide, worried eyes that immediately reach out for his hands in assurance. “N-No, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Usually, sex is a lot crazier when the other is angry. Use me as you will – I don’t really care,” he licks his lips and suddenly slams on the brakes under an empty parking lot, already flipping something in the engine. You’re taken aback as Sukuna discards his shirt in a second, his large arms carrying your frame to the backseat with him. Sukuna spreads your legs as he helps you get rid of your dress but it’s too tight that you just give up, leaving the material bunched under your boobs instead. Sukuna’s eyes darken at the lack of material under your dress, his fierce gaze shooting up to yours as he massages your inner thighs, his breath labored.

“What position do you want?”

“Fu-fuck, I don’t know, just fuck me,” you whine, spreading your legs farther to make space for him. He’s a tall guy with long limbs that he shrinks even with his fancy car, but he doesn’t seem bothered by it. Sukuna seems a lot more focused in fucking you in that moment because he’s unhooking his belt, diving down for one more kiss that is a lot heated and rushed than the previous one for show.

���I want to get rid of his face from my mind, I fucking hate him so much,” you can’t help but bite down on Sukuna’s lip, hard enough that it draws blood. Sukuna groans into your mouth, the sound so utterly deep and sexy you drip down on his seats even more.

“You’ll still go back to him after this?”

“No…it would be stupid if I did,” you roll your eyes.

“Good girl,” Sukuna praises as his lips leave a wet trail from your jaw down to the valley of your breasts. His smile is quickly replaced with a sinister grin, one of his hands cupping your breasts at the same time his teeth dart out to playfully nip at your breasts. He really shouldn’t look so enticing under you like this, and you’re so caught by his devilishness you fail to realize he’s already rummaging through your purse. “But I think lover boy still doesn’t get the message. We’re gonna have to punch it through his dumb skull.”

He hands you your phone, Megumi’s contact right before you.

“Sukuna, what’re you doing?”

“Call him,” Sukuna moves up to fish a condom out of his wallet and slides it to his already throbbing cock, chuckling at the way your eyes widen at his girth as if you hadn’t taken him before. “Call him and let him hear how I fuck you better, sweetheart. Boys like him won’t get the message unless you tell them directly.”

His hands clutch the backseat until his knuckles turn white, aligning himself with your entrance. You’re wet enough that he slides in easily and you moan loudly at the intrusion, pretty little gasps a sign of your pleasure. Helplessly, you grip at his bicep while your legs shake from how tense you are, the tantalizing movement of his hips pulling breathless moans from you. “And what better way than to take what’s his, right? What did he call this? His pretty pussy?” Sukuna scoffs, “Fuck that, stupid little boys can’t even fuck you right, don’t you think, sweetheart?”

“Ngh, Sukuna, that f-feels good, right there!”

“Right here?” he teases with a stroke of his cock that brushes against your tight walls. Sukuna’s face contort into pleasure when your tight pussy sucks him in, falling forward just to rasp in your ear. “Call him. Then, I’ll fuck you however you want me to.”

You don’t know how you’re able to swipe on Megumi, but he picks up in the speed of light like never before. Sukuna mouths loudspeaker and you follow his commands, Megumi’s voice booming through the sex-filled air of the car. “Where the fuck did you go? The party wasn’t over yet and you’re hanging out with some beefy, tattoed guy? It’s your roommate, isn’t it?” Megumi curses at someone before continuing, the aggravation evident in his tone. “He’s such a fucking creep, I swear if he lays his hands on you again I’ll—”

“You’ll do what, kid?” Sukuna challenges, “Oh and mind you, she’s the one who asked me to fuck her. As her concerned roommate and the more mature adult, I believe it’s my duty to listen to her complaints and make her feel better, especially when she keeps whining she’s not being fucked good.”

“Sukuna!” You whine and slap his arm, but you’re smiling, the pleasure and satisfaction of slapping Megumi this harshly making you feel greater than ever.

“Are you sleeping with her?” Megumi sounds like he’s losing his shit, and you sincerely hope he does. “Gosh, Y/N, how low can you be? I thought you were my girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend? Since when?” you attempt to scream, but Sukuna’s gripped your thighs and pulls your lower body closer to his cock in time to meet his thrusts. Your body slides off the seat and you’re left screaming Sukuna’s name, the latter wearing a shit-eating grin at the way you’re creaming around him. Somehow, your attention reverts back to Megumi’s whining. “You’re a fucking dick, Megumi, I honestly hope you choke on your small dick!” you shout and end the call, slapping your hand on your face as you throw your phone away. “I hated saying that.”

“Because you still like him or…?”

“No, because he was actually a good fuck and his dick is huge,” you say through pants. Sukuna must’ve hated how you’re talking about Megumi’s dick when he’s literally rearranging your insides, and Sukuna grabs your leg, manhandling you into the position he likes. You’re immediately on your knees with your back flat to his chest, your arms locked between your bodies as Sukuna takes you from behind. Your head falls back to his shoulders where Sukuna leaves messy open-mouthed kisses to your sweaty skin. “I fucking hate him. He’s such an asshole.”

“Hmm, well don’t spend too much energy thinking about him anymore,” Sukuna snarls at your skin, releasing your hands just to rub at your swollen clit. “Just let loose and let me take care of you. I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t even remember meeting him.”

The honest side of you wants to moan, the familiar tightening of your abdomen appearing already. He’s hitting all your sensitive spots that you can barely think, only feel, but you also feel so powerful and enraged that you cup Sukuna’s cheek, narrowing your eyes at him. You hit his thrusts by pushing back against his cock that causes him to slide in deeper, the large man groaning deep within his chest.

“You sure about that?”

“Oh, hundred percent confident, baby.”

“Let’s see what you got then,” you teased him. Pretending you’re not seconds away from coming is an even bigger challenge than leaving Megumi, but for the sake of riling up Sukuna, you would do it.

“You’re challenging me?”

“If I don’t cum at least twice, then that’s going to be a damn shame.”

“Twice? That’s not even the minimum,” he shakes his head tauntingly at you, increasing his pace until the sounds of his balls smacking your ass and both your groans are filling the dead silent night. It’s so lewd and dirty that your tongue lols out from the pleasure, eyes shut tight because you’re close, so fucking close! “You’re going to lose your fucking mind,” Sukuna said as a final warning.

You didn’t think too much of it until he pulls out of you seconds before you came. The crestfallen look written all over your face makes him laugh, but Sukuna only turns your body and goes down on his knees, hitching your legs over his shoulders. Your chest falls up and down as he dives down to your sopping, abused cunt, hands threading through his hair before he rudely flicks it away. “No. Hands to yourself. You’re not allowed to touch me,” he hissed, but his roughness is softened only by a little bit when you whimper so sweetly for him. “Don’t pout, sweetheart, you’ll get your chance when we get home. For now, since you’d so rudely woke me up and left me without inviting me for dinner, I’m starving.”

Sukuna dips between your thighs, tongue poking out to take the first taste of your juices. Your reaction is instantaneous and gratifying; head thrown back, nails dug into the seats, legs quivering and falling open wider to welcome the warm, wet muscle that licks flat from your entrance up to your clit.

“Fuuckk, Sukuna, slow down, ngh—”

“He ever ate you out this way?”

“No, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

“Can you take it, sweetheart? Should I stop?” You know he’s teasing you, the sniggers muffled from your pussy lips are still heard but you can’t fight back, not when your legs turn to jelly at his ministrations.

“Keep going, fuck, please, I will slap you if you don’t make me cum tonight,” you threaten, and Sukuna smartly responds by sucking your clit into his mouth. He rolls it between his teeth, careful enough not to hurt you while plunging two fingers deep inside you, curling it into a come-hither motion that stretches you pleasurably. “Too, oh, shit!”

“You can’t even talk properly,” he chuckles, and the vibrations that come afterwards shatter your entire world. “And this is just my tongue. Feels too good?”

“Yes, yes, too good!” you cry out, “Sukuna, em coming!”

Your orgasm has no build-up whatsoever. You lay there panting with a silent scream as your nails scratch against his seats, toes curled as it comes down into you in one, hard slap. Sukuna hums as he licks up the arousal trailing down your pussy to not make even more of a mess. “Already? I haven’t even started yet,” he sighs sarcastically, “Don’t think I’m done with you. I did say you’d lose your mind, right?”

Sukuna has now joined you on the seats, flipping you to the side where he hooks one leg under his arm, your other leg extended to your side that remains flushed at the seats, his thighs squishing yours. It’s utterly challenging to move in this position and you’re completely at his mercy, the sight of his tall, dominating figure above you forcing you back into a submissive space. He doesn’t give you much time to recover before his cock is pushing past your pussy once more, bottoming out in one, swift thrust.

“’Kuna, too sensitive, mhhm—”

“You’ll take it,” he breathes out while peppering kisses at your ankle, “Come on, you’re a good girl, yeah? Give me one more.”

“Su-kuna, it’s too much!”

“Just one more.” Sukuna elicits moans from you the harder he thrusts, leaning forward until you’re crying out from the stretch of all the muscles in your body. He’s being nice today by letting you cum more than twice in the exchange of holding back his, because he’s absolutely throbbing inside you. He picks up a rougher pace from where he left off, saying your name through gritted teeth as you tighten around him. You’re squealing and whimpering from behind your fists, overly sensitive still from your previous orgasm.

His hips roll in such a mind-numbing manner before Sukuna rams into you utterly deep, your bodies flushed so close you can feel the heat pulsing from his skin. Sukuna tenses above you before he brings you to your orgasm, with him following not long afterwards.

Sukuna pulls out with a groan and ties his condom in a knot, discarding it above his clothes. Upon hearing your soft sighs, he immediately rushes your side and pats your cheek to wake you up. “Hey, look at me,” he commands, though his voice is gentle and soft. “You good?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out through fluttering lashes, “Yeah, I’m just tired,” extending your arms to him, you wrap your legs around his waist to bring him close. “Come here. Want cuddles.”

Sukuna gives in to your request for a few minutes and stays wrapped up with you. It’s perfect to be in this state, to be held so close and not just touched, the intimacy of it all bringing about unfamiliar warmth that only ever makes itself present when he’s here. “As much as I want to stay like this, we’re sweaty and sticky,” Sukuna murmurs through your hair, his hands roaming all over your skin. There’s no other sexual meaning behind it even as his rough palms graze past your mound. His touches are more like him exploring your body out of curiosity, out of the desire to just have you this close. You’re unsure what to feel about it and your mind is uncannily clear after an orgasm, but Sukuna’s already sitting up with you above him before you could ponder about it any longer. “Let me take you home first, then we’ll cuddle. What do you think?”

“Oh fuck,” you cut him off upon seeing the flashing of your screen. “It’s Megumi. Fifteen missed calls.”

“Lover boy is crazy,” Sukuna snickered behind you.

“Good thing I’m crazier,” you shut your phone off and throw it to the passenger’s seat, beaming up at Sukuna and giving him the puppy eyes from behind your shoulder. “Can we get milkshakes on the way?”

“I think you got enough milk.”

“Sukuna!”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” he raises his hands in surrender. You pout until you feel something hard and wet poking your bottoms, and Sukuna smirks, gesturing to his erection that you haven’t noticed. “You do know that I’m still hard, right? I’ll fuck you again when we get home.”

“You could’ve just let me suck you off.”

“Nah,” he refuses, “I want to feel you come around me,” Sukuna cockily winks at you, and your mouth falls open, gasping in disbelief at how vulgar he could be. He steals a quick kiss then as he tugs his pants up, the sight of him rolling his sleeves back up to his elbows thoroughly…compelling that you’re left salivating at the ripples of his muscles. “I’ll just wait ‘til we get home. Right now, I need to treat someone like a princess and get her some food.”

“You should stop saying that,” you blurt out defensively, “Sweet lies won’t get you anywhere.”

“I wasn’t lying about anything. I meant every word I said.”

The tension thickens in an instant. Sukuna looks at you warily – or perhaps worriedly? – before he situates himself back in the driver’s seat, starting the car right after you’ve fixed your appearance. Considering it’s already late, he’s struggling to find any restaurant or diners open to appease your cravings, though he doesn’t complain about it.

You fiddle with your hands on your lap, unable to find a proper explanation to his behavior. “Sukuna…” you start off nervously, refusing to look him in the eye. “Do you uhm…do you like me?”

“What kind of question is that, sweetheart?”

“I meant…maybe you just like me for my body, you know?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, sweetheart,” he tilts his head towards you, “I’m too old for drama and playing with people’s feelings. Like I said, the cards are all in your hands now. If you want us to just have casual sex, I don’t mind, but if you also want to be, uhm…” Sukuna awkwardly rubs at the back of his head with a clear of his throat, the tables turned because now he’s the one who can’t meet your gaze. “…something more, then I won’t refuse that either. I’m up to whatever you want to do.”

“And if I said that…maybe I’m considering getting to know you better?”

“Then maybe I would happily say yes.”

You smile at how easily he lightens up the mood, feeling a smile already playing on your lips as you giggle. “Just a maybe?”

“Just shut up and kiss me,” he groans, averting his eyes from the road (it’s empty anyway) to get a quick peck. You whack his arm and his laugh only grows louder; he knows you’re not really angry, because he kisses really good and you like it a lot more than you’ll admit.

“I’ll be a hundred times of a better boyfriend than what you’d expect.”

“You’re really confident, huh?”

“Oh, I’m confident I can treat you well,” he nods proudly, head tipping back to the backseat. “I did just let you ruin my leather exterior and let you walk away while I have a raging boner. Do you have any idea how much self restraint a man has to have to let that happen?”

“Probably an immaculate one. Megumi would never let me go unless he’s came.”

“Yeah, well, fuck that guy,” Sukuna doesn’t even bother to try and hide his hatred for your former crush, and you’re smiling like a lovesick fool on the seat. “You’re with me now. So, since I want to spoil you, how many milkshakes do you want?”

Back then, you were always too addicted to lies that seemed so sweet that you couldn’t be able to stop. But now that you’ve met Sukuna, perhaps the blissful truth is a lot sweeter, and it’s a much healthier addiction you’ll take any day.

taglist: @thesimpsclub @uwubby-1 @expectoscamander @your-consulting-fangirl @dora-the-grownup @cosmotoic @charlie-xo @kittaliapenn @sukunas-cult-leader @flowersgirl02 @cloudsinthecosmos @90s-belladonna @averysheart-raleighsdick @generousstudentpsychic-bat @kat-su-ki @issamomma @sklycan​ @ggsmashgg​ @dora-the-grownup​ @ninefuckingoneone​ @ambiguous-something​ 

[pagesoflauren]

The Highest Bidder Ch. 3 (Ransom Drysdale x reader; sugar daddy!AU)

Summary: A graduate-level education is a costly pursuit. When you move out of state to study in Boston, expenses pile up, leading you to auction off what is apparently your most valuable asset: your virginity. It goes to the highest bidder…who happens to be Ransom Drysdale.

There are no major spoilers for Knives Out. Consider this as an alternate timeline. There will be references to the movie/its characters. This chapter contains some dynamics of the Thrombey family that are revealed in the movie, which--as someone who has seen the movies multiple times--I personally consider to be very minor spoilers. Please read at your own risk.

Warnings: loss of virginity, explicit sexual content/smut, angst, sugar daddy/baby arrangement, dark elements, dubcon, cliffhangers, minor spoilers for Knives Out, swearing, Ransom is an asshole (more to add and if you spot any that I’ve missed, please kindly let me know!)

A/N: Thanks for being super patient while I worked on this! This one’s mostly plot, so I promise the next one will be smutty 😏

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Ransom slams the door of his car as he sits in the driver’s seat.

His fucking family.

There was meant to be a “pleasant Sunday brunch-adjacent get-together” for the release party of Harlan’s newest book. His family is never pleasant no matter what day they gather, so Ransom should’ve known it would’ve turned into a shitshow. 

Walt had been parading around boasting about how proud he was of “his and dad’s new book” to anyone outside of the family who would listen. Ransom’s father decided to pick a little fight with him, despite his mother’s urging not to. 

“But they aren’t your books, are they Walt?” Richard taunted, “They’re Harlan’s books.”

Ransom had parked himself right at the refreshments table, nudging the platter of breakfast pastries closer to himself. He idly picked up a croissant and nibbled as he watched everything unfold. “Shit stirring prick,” Meg muttered as she grabbed a cup of coffee. 

“This is all them, Meggy,” he said, his mouth full of soft, buttery croissant flakes. “I’m just getting a front row seat for the entertainment.”

Meg rolled her eyes and walked away. Walt had smiled simply before replying. “Of course, Richard. Just like how the real estate company is Linda’s, not yours.”

Linda then elbowed Richard, a hard signal to defend himself from her little brother’s jab like the “proud husband” he’s supposed to be.

“At least Linda was able to build something on her own.” Ransom rolled his eyes at that statement while his mother patted his father on the shoulder. 

“Only because dad was generous enough to loan her a million dollars to build that company.”

Ransom dipped his croissant into his coffee and smirked as he chewed. When his father didn’t say anything, his mother blew her cap at both of them. 

It started out relatively quiet before escalating into a full on spectacle. Across the room, Ransom saw Harlan exchange a look with Marta, his nurse, before completely ignoring the situation and returning to the conversation he was having with a guest. 

“You can’t say shit, Richard, you’re getting nothing from his family!”

Ransom laughed loudly at the truth in that declaration. The three pairs of eyes turned and fingers pointed at him before insults were spewed his way. 

Rolling his eyes, he let them at him, not caring what they were saying. It was all true. He was a little piece of shit, an entitled prick, he was all of it. 

Because of them.

Leaving his half eaten croissant in his coffee cup, he placed it on the table and coolly sauntered across the room, slander following him all the way until it was directed back within the group. 

Ransom had grabbed a copy of the book, given his granddad a nod of acknowledgement as a goodbye, then left. If he listened hard enough, he could hear the yelling all the way from the parking lot. Harlan looked a little disappointed as he left. 

What did Harlan ever do for him anyway, besides give him a generous monthly allowance? What did his parents ever do for him? His mother spent her days running a real estate company while his father devoted his time to doing everything he could to get his hands on some of that money. 

And where did Ransom fall in all of this? 

Nobody actually cared about him. They shut him up with money and invited him to parties to make him feel like he was part of something. In reality, his family was nothing to be a part of. There wasn’t anything to them. Just a pile of mystery novels that turned words into money and fed it to hungry beasts. And Ransom was one of them. 

That’s what he was, that’s what he was always meant to be. His mother never let him be a kid. When the grass was bright green after all the snow melted and Ransom rolled around, staining his crisp private school uniform with virescent splotches, she yelled at him. When she instructed her husband to continue the scolding, he gave a half-assed, “Don’t do it again.” The day was ruined after that. 

And somehow, in the moment when he breathed in your perfume, he remembered one of the few moments where he was content: watching the world spin as the sky was down and the ground was up and the conifers looked like stalactites in a strange cave. 

He loved remembering that. And it terrified him. The second he started remembering the brief golden moments of his childhood, he knew it was best to get himself off as soon as possible and take off. He’d hold on to memories of how you felt around his cock for when he couldn’t get between a girl’s legs. 

He’ll never admit to anyone how often he thinks of you and the time he spent sharing a bed with you. 

Shaking his head and starting the car, he pulled away from the party venue and drove through the city. At a stoplight, he picks up the hefty novel and flips it to the back cover.

He reads something about a statue and a dead art historian. Rolling his eyes, already disinterested, he throws the book back on the seat. 

Passing through the university area, Ransom decides to grab a cup of coffee. He pulls into a parking spot, ignoring the blinking red light of the meter as he gets out to enter the cafe. 

He does a double take when he sees you exiting with a man. You look completely different: your hair is in a messy ponytail and your makeup is more natural, focusing on accentuating your features instead of looking glamorous. You’re donning a sweater with the name of the university just across the street. 

He’s rendered immobile at the sight of you. His thoughts come crashing down on him like an avalanche.

It’s been nearly two months since that night. He’s filled the days and weeks between now and then with various girls, all of whom were confident and sexy and unafraid to match his pace in bed. He could have any one of them at his doorstep with a snap of his fingers. 

So why is he suddenly frozen, watching you and some guy walk down the street? 

It was ridiculous, really, how much he had dreamt of your encounter, tried to recall your smell and the taste of your skin. He hates that he never got a sample from between your legs. He’d been so caught up in how you felt around his finger that it went straight to his cock and he just had to be inside you. 

He’s never been so caught up on anyone before. 

When he drinks whiskey, he sees you, turning in your dress and heels. He wonders if maybe he could see you again, maybe you’d be more confident, maybe more experienced…

Have you slept with anyone since July? Have you slept with the guy you’re with now?

His wonder causes him to mindlessly follow after you, sights set on the bright scrunchie that keeps your hair together as he imagines you underneath the guy you’re walking with, crying out as he thrusts into you…

Ransom doesn’t like the idea of that. He hates it, shakes his head to dispel it from his brain. Then he stops suddenly. 

But what does it matter? You weren’t anyone to him, just some girl on a website who auctioned your virginity and he bought it. He didn’t buy you. You weren’t his to own.

He’d be lying if he said he felt he got his money’s worth though. 

When he thinks about that night, besides all the erotic images of your face and how you felt wrapped so tightly around him, there was something underneath the heat and lust he felt. He saw curiosity come across your face multiple times that night and he felt the same. 

He wanted to know what you’d look like on top. He wanted to know what you tasted like (he still hates himself for not taking the opportunity). He wanted to know what sounds you’d make when he went rough. He wanted to know how you sounded when you let yourself succumb to complete, unrestrained pleasure. 

He knew you were holding back, he saw the terror that came across your face when you looked at his size. You barely even touched him. God, how would you touch him? How would your hands feel on him, running over his skin? 

There were so many things he wanted to know about you, so many things he wanted to watch you do. 

It terrified him to remember the brief blissful moments of his childhood while he was with you, and that’s why he left so quickly. But one night with you wasn’t enough.

The thought propels him forward, stepping after you again once he spies your scrunchie again. 

You’re turning a corner; he needs to catch up. His pace quickens. 

When has he ever chased a girl before?

As he rounds the corner, Ransom sees you stepping into a shop, appearing to playfully curtsey as the man holds the door open for you. He slows down a little, wanting it to appear as if he’s casually walking around. When he reaches the shop, he realizes it’s a used bookstore. 

Maybe I can grab Harlan’s book and pretend I’m selling it.

He decides against it though. He doesn’t want to risk you getting away from him. He enters the shop and immediately goes for the taller shelves to conceal himself from plain view. Peeking between the tops of the books and the next shelf above it, he spots you. You’re near the back, looking at the large, brightly colored children’s books. 

Shit, did he get you pregnant?! 

Ransom shakes his head then smiles to himself; he remembers hearing you gasp when he rolled a condom onto himself. He feels his cock twitch at the memory. 

“God, it’s so ridiculous that we have to buy our own books for clinicals,” he hears you gripe. 

“Yeah, but it’s good practice for when we’re actually in the field,” the man nudges you with his elbow, “We’re gonna have to figure out which books will suit clients’ interest and all.” 

“Yeah, I guess. I just wish I didn’t have to do this before work tonight.”

“Don’t you work at eight, though?”

Work? Why are you working when he gave you so much money?

“Yeah, but it’s less time preparing for seminar tomorrow. Not to mention the paper for fluency. Ugh, being a grad student is so hard, Toby,” you moan, leaning your forehead on his shoulder.

A hot puff of air shoots out from Ransom’s nose.

“Oh, stop it, you big baby. C’mon. It’s barely past one. We’re gonna get this done, then go back to my place and study a little. And remember why we’re doing this?” he asks, turning so his front is facing you. Your head sags for a moment, having leaned the weight of your skull on him before your neck straightens. 

“To help kids become better communicators,” you say together, as if it’s a mantra. 

“Exactly,” the man--Toby--smiles. “Besides, it’s Sunday. I’m pretty sure the diner won’t be super crowded like it was for me last night. If anything, it’s crowded with people trying to cure their hangovers right now. Then, when the diner’s empty, you can study. It’s just on the next block over, anyway. They know you’re a student, so I don’t think they’ll kick up a fuss if you crack open a notebook. It’s just you and the cook, too, right?”

You hum in affirmation as you pick up a book and tuck it under your arm. 

“So, that just shows they know nobody’s gonna be there! You’re golden!” 

You giggle as you swat his hand away when he makes to pinch you. Ransom leans forward into the bookcase in an attempt to get closer to you, enchanted by the sound. 

What the hell has gotten into him?!

“Sir, can I help you find something?” a store associate startles him.

“What--no, no. Absolutely not,” Ransom spews, fumbling around with his hands trying to look inconspicuous. His leather jacket squeaks with his movements. The associate looks confused, tilting their head as they watch him. 

“I’m just leaving,” he shakes his head, making his way to storm out the door. 

He makes his way back to his car, taking note of the diner Toby was talking about. It really was on the next block over, hard to miss with a gaudy 50s-style neon green light-up sign and fluorescent pink lettering.

Ransom smiles to himself as he makes his way back to his car. He knows exactly what to do.

The lighting in the diner is harsh against Ransom’s eyes and he blinks a little as he gets out of his car. It’s just before midnight and the streets are empty, save for a few students who are walking into the coffeeshop and drugstores around the block. Stepping in, checkered black and light gray tiles lay on the floor, though he’s certain the gray tiles are supposed to be white. There’s a counter with a bunch of red cushioned stools and booths all around the wall. 

“Evenin’ son,” the cook says as he peeks through the window on the wall beyond the counter. “You just take a seat right up here and our hostess will be right out.”

The man turns away and shouts your name.

Ransom smirks at the sound of your name, perching himself on a stool and immediately getting comfortable. The only thing that would make this better would be if the stools had backs so he could put his feet up. Instead, he rests his elbow on the counter and waits for you to come.

The kitchen door swings open.

“Sorry to keep you waiting--” your sentence stops short and he smiles deviously at you.

You’re in the same makeup and ponytail from earlier, though this time a pen is nestled where your hair is gathered, kept in place by the scrunchie you’ve been wearing. Instead of your university sweatshirt, you’re sporting a denim blue button up waitress dress, complete with a sewn on oval white patch with your name stitched into it. There’s a white apron tied around your waist. 

His smirk deepens more. If anything, this is almost like the start to a bad porn film. One where he’d bend you over the counter and--

“Hi, Ransom,” you greet him, interrupting his almost fantasy. 

“Hey,” he nods, so satisfied in your surprised expression. 

You awkwardly place the menu in front of him and wring your hands a little.

“Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee?”

Ransom hums, pink lips puckering before he answers, “Hot chocolate, actually.”

Your nod is a little perplexed. “Okay, right. I’ll go get that for you.”

You turn to the espresso machine behind you and Ransom likes the view of your ass he’s treated to as he opens the menu. Once he’s decided, he looks up, seeing your back still turned to him as you watch hot chocolate trickle into a mug. He knows it can’t be that interesting.

“Hey,” he calls, disrupting your focus.

You whirl around, ponytail whipping about with the movement of your head. “Huh?”

“I’m ready,” he says, holding up the menu.

“Oh,” you reach into the pocket of your apron and pull out a notepad before plucking the pen from your hair. “What’ll it be?”

He multitasks, reciting his order and watching you at the same time. You seem to be avoiding looking at him, even when you ask him to clarify what bread he wants for his toast. Your eyes briefly dart up from your notepad to his face when you repeat his order.

When he hums in affirmation that you got his order correct, your movements seem to buffer. 

Got her, he thinks. 

You rip the sheet from the pad and hand it to the cook.

“Man, Monte Cristo crepes? At this time of night?”  the man whines.

Ransom gives an apathetic shrug.

“Well, alright then. You better tip our little miss here well so that she can split it with me.”

Ransom watches as you press your palm into your forehead, probably cringing at the idea of him tipping you after he paid you $50,000. 

You turn back to the espresso machine and grab the mug, carefully carrying it to him.

“Whipped cream?” you offer, taking out the silver canister from the fridge underneath the counter. 

“No,” he shakes his head, “I’d prefer having that in the bedroom.” 

You seem to huff a laugh at that and you put the canister back where it belongs. 

He takes a sip, then his face scrunches. 

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Is this imported?” 

It appears you can’t help the bewildered smile that comes across your face. “Um, I don’t know where it’s from, but I don’t think it’s imported.”

“Oh.” He gives an experimental sip, holding the liquid in his mouth before he swallows.

“Is it okay?” you ask.

So you’re a people pleaser… or you’re just a waitress trying to make sure your customer’s satisfied.

“Yeah, it’s acceptable.”

“Oh, good,” you smile, relieved. 

He only nods and turns his attention to the rest of the diner. It really is only the three of you there. Again, the idea of this situation being like a bad porno crosses Ransom’s mind. 

When he looks at you again, you’re cleaning the coffee machine.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Cleaning the coffee machine.”

“No, what are you doing here?”

You turn to look at him. “I’m working…?”

“Well, I can see that, but I gave you fifty grand.” 

Your head whips to look over at the cook. Ransom’s eyes follow, seeing he’s occupied at the stove. He didn’t appear to hear anything. “Fifty grand’s not nothing. Did they not send you the payment?”

“You know, I could ask you what you’re doing here, too. I didn’t pin you as someone who lived in the university area,” you say, changing the subject. 

“I don’t live around here.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Your eyes narrow. He can see you’re strategizing. 

“If I answer your questions, will you answer mine?”

“Sure,” Ransom relaxes as much as he can, though he has to be honest, the stool doesn’t give him that much lounging real estate. 

“They sent me the payment.”

“So, why are you working?”

“I go to school across the street. The money you gave me is enough to pay for the tuition costs not covered by financial aid. But I need to pay for books and rent and groceries. And it’ll be four more semesters until I finish my degree, so I’ll need a little more than what you gave me to keep my head above water.”

So that’s why you thanked him. He helped pay for your education. 

He nods, sipping his chocolate. As a plot forms in his head, he has to admit, for some cheap, unimported trash, it’s growing on him. Said plot would involve him getting what he wants from you and you no longer needing to work in this dump. He goes to open his mouth and you turn with a smile of your own. 

“You said if I answer your questions, then you’d answer mine.” 

“And if I don’t answer your question?” he challenges. 

You smile. “Then this conversation is over.”

You raise your eyebrows expectantly at him and he shakes his head, giving a half-shrug. 

“Just here to grab some Monte Cristo crepes and kill a craving,” he lies. Maybe the craving part is true, though. 

You hum in acknowledgement, though he’s not sure you fully accept his answer. Taking the towels you used to clean the coffee machine, you disappear into the back. When you return, you’re holding a notebook. 

“How long have you been working here?” 

“Why do you care?”

“Just trying to make conversation,” he feigns innocence.

“You don’t strike me as the kind of man who does that.”

Ah, so suddenly you have the ability to get a read on people? What other things does he not know about you? Your encounter at the hotel made him think you were some naive young woman who was sheltered all her life. In the fifteen minutes he’s been here, you’re showing him you’re anything but.

What else is there to discover about you? he wonders.

“I’m just asking because I might be able to help you. Financially.”

“Ransom, I have nothing else left to offer,” you say. 

So you think.

“And your payment was more than generous.”

The cook calls to you and places a plate on the kitchen window sill. You grab it and set Ransom’s order in front of him.

“Anything else I can get you?”

“Nothing...for now,” he remarks suggestively. 

You nod once and open your notebook. As Ransom revels in the cheesy goodness of the crepes in front of him, he watches you quickly jot down things onto the paper and listens to you mutter to yourself. 

As he scarfs down all the greasy morsels and chases each bite with hot chocolate, he considers badgering you more. But seeing how stressed you look, he decides to back off. 

If you were his mother, on the other hand…

When he’s done, he snaps his fingers at you. You look unamused at the gesture but clear his plate anyway. You bring it back to the kitchen. He hears some chatter and the sink running before you return and stand at the register. He’s again treated to a view of your ass as you shift from one foot to another while processing the transaction. 

“I’m taking fifteen,” the cook calls to you.

“Alright,” you shout back, tearing away his receipt and Ransom’s ready with a couple bills. 

“Just keep the change,” he winks at you. “Well, maybe give some of it to your grumpy cook.”

He likes the way you laugh at his comment. 

“Thanks,” you smile at him again. “See you...whenever, I guess.”

“Actually,” he begins, “about that help I can give you…”

You sigh. “I already told you, there’s nothing else I can offer you. You,” he watches as you pause and laugh humorlessly,” You paid for my virginity and you got it. Unless you have a kid who needs help with reading or writing, I don’t think--”

“I’m not paying you to tutor anyone.” Ransom bites the inside of his cheek as he smiles at himself. 

Maybe you can help Walt with some comprehension issues.

“I was thinking...you and I can come to some sort of arrangement.”

“‘Arrangement’?” You lean against the counter with the espresso machine, arms folded across your chest as you face him. 

“Yeah. You live with me, I cover whatever other living costs you need. And you,” he says, one corner of his mouth curls up wickedly as he leans his arms on the counter in an attempt to get closer to you, “You keep me entertained.”

The way your eyes widen slightly at the word “entertained” tells him you know exactly what he means. 

“I don’t think so,” you scoff, shaking your head and walking to retrieve your notebook.

Well, that wasn’t the answer he was expecting. 

“Excuse me?” he asks, appalled. His eyes follow your figure walking to the other side of the counter. 

“I don’t think so,” you repeat plainly.

What even is this? He’s never been rejected by a woman before. They fell at his feet all the time. There were some that played hard to get, but they always came crawling to him in the end. 

He has to admit, though, he does like this side of you. 

“Why not?” he presses.

You look around as if to check if anyone’s around to hear you. “I didn’t even orgasm, Ransom,” you laugh. “I’d rather rough it and have a job here instead of entering an arrangement where I’m not going to get something out of it.”

“You’re getting something out of it,” Ransom says, standing up to follow you across the counter. “I told you, I’ll cover your living costs.”

“I mean something pleasurable, you doofus.”

You turn to go into the kitchen. 

Normally, Ransom isn’t a man who begs. But he always gets what he wants. And hell, he wants you and all the memories you bring back to him. He wants to uncover you layer by layer until he reaches your very core and knows you inside and out.

God, what is this mushy stuff he’s thinking right now?

“Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait,” he says. “You didn’t…? And because of that you don’t wanna do this?”

“No.”

“Listen, I can make you cum,” he states firmly, index finger pressing into the countertop as if to make his point.

“You don’t need to get so worked up over this, Ransom,” he scowls when you laugh at him, “You’re a handsome guy. I’m sure there’s plenty of other girls who will gladly take you up on your offer.”

Somehow, you calling him handsome doesn’t stroke his ego. Rather, it feels insulting. This is you letting him down easy. 

Fuck no.

“I don’t want the other girls.”

“Is that to suggest you want me?” you inquire. 

“The arrangement isn’t going to benefit just me in bed,” he changes the subject. 

“Oh, it wouldn’t?” you say, unimpressed again. 

His smirk mirrors yours. 

If it’s a game you want to play, game on.

“How about a deal?” 

Your eyes narrow. “What kind of deal?”

He rests his forearms on the counter this time. “I make you cum, you enter this arrangement with me. If not, you never have to see me again.”

He can see the gears turning in your head.

“Three,” you say.

“Sorry, what?” he shakes his head, confused.

“I wanna cum three times,” you tell him. 

He chuckles to himself. He likes that you’re not afraid to say what you want. Besides, another night with you would mean he gets his $50,000 worth. 

“Easy.”

“Well, then, Ransom, you got yourself a deal.” You offer your hand for him to shake.

Taking your hand, he yanks you towards him so you’re right up against the counter. He leans forward, your faces less than an inch apart. That glint of nervousness flashes in your eyes again and again, he chuckles.

“No. I got you.”

Permatag: @caffiend-queen @fckdeusername @lou-la-lou @bangtan-serendipity

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[smilexcaptainx]

Can I get a Ransom Drysdale imagine where the reader runs away with Ransom and Marta, and finds herself falling in love with Ransom. But once she discovers what he has done, Meg and Marta are there for her to help comfort her through the situation. Ransom has never gone soft for anybody but her, and he apologizes, but she just can never see him the same ever again. Thanks!

request an imagine here

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader

Warnings: Language

A/N: I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 1.1K

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Ransom had protected you from a group of friends that had turned their backs on you. Although you would recall to him as an asshole, that certain action didn’t make him seem like that. Therefore, you grew a soft spot for him. Ransom had already had a soft spot for you, hence the protection. He was a bit stubborn to show his feelings that he had toward you, but you could tell from time to time that he liked you more than other people.

You had grown close to Marta thanks to Harlan. You, Marta and Harlan were the best of friends, which made your grief even worse the night that everything went to shit. You stuck with Marta through the plan, and everything went as smooth as Harlan wanted it to go. It wasn’t until the day of getting the will read. From there, you and Marta were hunted by the family.

All but Ransom. Ransom wanted to protect you. He didn’t want anybody to hurt you, especially his insane family.

You went into the whole hiding situation with Ransom and Marta, thinking that it was going to be horrible. To your surprise, it wasn’t. Having Ransom by your side made you realize that he wasn’t as psychotic as his family was. His deep conversations with you made him really open up, and it showed you a side that you never even remotely thought that Ransom had. Ransom found himself falling for you as well. He knew about the fact that you pass out whenever you lie, and he found that more adorable than embarrassing.

Soon enough, you could find your attraction toward Ransom become more and more bigger. Everything came crashing down the day that the truth was revealed. Ransom was the murderer of Harlan, and that shattered your heart, as well as your trust with Ransom. You remembered the day so vividly. The sound of your heartbeat pounded through your head.

Even after experiencing Ransom attempting to kill Marta was even more traumatizing! It was then that you knew that Ransom was just the same as his family. A complete psycho. As he was getting taken out in handcuffs, you were going to walk home. Marta and Meg offered to walk with you, which you accepted.

You walked out of the house, catching a glimpse of Ransom staring at you as you passed him by. His eyebrows were furrowed in worry as he saw your tear-stained face. His heart was broken. He hated seeing you cry. It would always take him back to the day where he saved you. The look of helplessness on your face made him want to break down and cry.

What broke him the most was that he was the reason for those tears. Because of what he did, you were suffering through those wet tears. Ransom attempted to get out to talk to you, but the police men held him back. He knew that he wasn’t going to get anywhere, so he went with using his voice. He started to scream your name, asking for you to stop. He pleaded for you to turn around and come to him.

He needed to tell you that he was sorry. He needed to know that you had forgiven, but the more he called out your name, the more you tried to tune him out. You couldn’t possibly even look at Ransom right now. Meg turned around and gave him the middle finger before walking you down the trail that led to the your house. You never wanted to see Ransom again. He had destroyed your will to trust.

> < > < > <

A few days had passed, and you have ignored all of Ransom’s calls. Your phone would go off every second of the day, which was why you blocked him. That didn’t stop him though. He went from your phone to your home phone. He knew that you were at home, and he wouldn’t stop trying to reach out to you.

“Damn, that shithead really wants to talk to you,” Meg said snottily, staring at the ringing phone on the wall. You rolled your eyes in agreement. You were pretty sure this was tenth time today. “Why don’t we just answer it?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Marta suggested with a head shake. “We want nothing to do with him, remember?”

Meg pretended not to listen to her and picked up the phone. You released a sigh as she answered it with the same old rude remark. You glared at her as she just sat and listened.

“You already know she doesn’t want to talk to you asshole, so tell me why the hell you keep calling,” Meg demanded, placing her hand on the her hip. She bit down onto her bottom lip as she listened to his response. “You’re such a creep.”

Meg slammed the phone back into its place, startling both you and Marta. You both removed yourselves off of the couch and approached Meg.

“What is it Meg?”

“Ransom is out on your porch as we speak.”

The second after Meg spoke that truth, three loud knocks came from the front door. You sighed to yourself as you approached the door. You looked through the peek hole of the door.

“[Y/N], I know you’re in there,” Ransom said, pressing his forehead against the door. You took a step back from the door. “Please let me in. I want to talk to you. I want to hear your voice, please.”

“How the hell did you get here Ransom?”

“Look, they gave me a moment to let me talk to you,” Ransom explained quickly. “So please, just let me have this moment I asked to be with you. I only have a few minutes.”

“Ransom, I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I know you don’t, and I wouldn’t want to talk to me either if I were you,” Ransom said, shaking his head at himself. “But I just need you to know that I’m sorry. I just need to know that you forgive me. I can’t go another day without knowing that you haven’t forgiven me. It’s breaking my heart.”

It was somewhat funny to you that Ransom said that he had a broken heart, when in reality, he was the one who would mainly break other people’s hearts. Ransom stood silently on the other side of the door, and so did you. All you could do was just stare at the door. You felt like you couldn’t speak. Your mind was still processing the entire situation.

You could hear Ransom exhale a deep sorrowful sigh. You could tell that his time was up. You pressed your back against the door and slid down, burying your face into your knees.

“I love you [Y/N],” Ransom muttered to himself, not loud enough for you to hear. “I’ll miss you.”

Not being able to hear that statement from Ransom, you heard his footsteps descend down your porch, and away he went. You regretted ever trusting him, and knew that you could never trust as easily ever again.

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[flightfoot]

Abuse and how it plays into Identity in Tower of Nero

While abuse has played a role in previous Trials of Apollo books, and in the Greco-Roman main series as a whole, Tower of Nero digs into it most deeply.

Identity and recovery from abuse are deeply linked here, with much of the abuse recovery coming from forging an identity separate from the abuser.

Previously it mostly came up in The Hidden Oracle and The Burning Maze, with Meg’s relationship with Nero prompting Apollo to examine his own relationship with Zeus. 

Apollo knew in the back of his head that Zeus was abusing him, that his rage against the Cyclopes for creating the lightning bolt Zeus used to murder Asclepius, for instance, was him redirecting his anger onto a safer target because raging against Zeus directly was so unsafe, but he tried not to let himself think about it too much, and he tried to fool himself into thinking that Zeus DID care about him, that he loved him, at least enough that he’d help him if he saw him in trouble. 

Seeing Meg with Nero, how he manipulated her, how he subtly blamed her for anything bad that happened around her, for anything HE did, while trying to seem gentle and kind; seeing the abuse he went through reflected in this young girl led him to cope with his own abuse better. 

His experiences with abuse, with Zeus treating him as a scapegoat and ‘forcing’ him to punish Apollo if he stepped out of line, with his own feelings about the abuse and his own coping mechanisms and behavior as a result, are a useful reference for understanding and helping Meg through her experiences with Nero.

And helping her cope, separate, and try to grow after being manipulated by Nero for so long? Helps him come to terms with his own experiences.

He’s pretty explicit about the comparisons too. Like when Meg talks about how Lu used to help her pretend to kill people for Nero, helped her how she could, but Apollo’s mostly just horrified that Lu stuck around and didn’t take Meg and run... and yet part of him understood.

And are you any better? taunted a small voice in my brain. How many times have you stood up to Zeus?

Okay, small voice. Fair point. Tyrants are not easy to oppose or walk away from, especially when you depend on them for everything. (TON 57)

Lu may not have been quite as dependent on Nero as say, Meg - at least psychologically. Lu’s not a child by any means. 

But Lu’s only immortal because Nero is, and he can, presumably, revoke that. Nero provides her employment, a home, probably her entire social circle, AND he has the power and the will to go after her and anyone she cares about if she strays, if she tries to defy him. 

In those ways, her situation mirrors Apollo’s even better than Meg’s does - and while he’s angry at her for not defying Nero, he also understands. 

I suspect part of his anger and suspicion at her is also anger and suspicion of himself, for falling into a similar trap.

Still, though Lu has her own baggage with Nero, Meg’s is focused on a lot more, with how she’s grown and changed, and her desire to hang onto who she’s become while separated from Nero, to hang onto her own identity and personality and not what Nero attempted to shape her into. 

It’s to the point that she can barely comprehend who she was under him, how she used to think, what she did.

“I betrayed you once,” she said. “Right here in these woods.”

She didn’t sound sad or ashamed about it, the way she once might have. She spoke with a sort of dreamy disbelief, as if trying to recall the person she’d been six months ago. That was a problem I could relate to. (TON 114)

Meg hasn’t really changed at her core as much as Apollo has - as much as she’s gone through, she at least wasn’t much of a jerk in the first place. Well, relatively speaking, when compared to Apollo. She’s abrasive, but not much beyond that.

But she HAS changed, in large part BECAUSE she’s more able and willing to stand up for herself in ways that she couldn’t do remotely safely while with Nero. She’s broken free of his psychological hold. 

During The Hidden Oracle she was ALREADY rebelling against him, she refused to burn the woods, but... well, she DID go with him, DID believe she could change him for awhile. 

But she broke free after realizing he wouldn’t, escaped and returned to Apollo, freeing herself from Nero’s grasp once more. 

For her, I think the difference between who she was six months ago and who she is now has less to do with her actual personality and worldview - those haven’t actually changed all that much throughout the books - but just in being free, somewhat safe (well, safer emotionally at least), and genuinely cared for. To not be under Nero’s influence to the same extent.

With Apollo... well, it’s a bit different with him. Zeus wasn’t as controlling as Nero, Apollo COULD have kept his space from him before; his sister has been doing that for millennia. But he has still changed a lot, moreso than Meg did, to the point that he’s almost unrecognizeable from who he was when he first fell to earth in THO.

Newly experiencing kindness, regular affection, and just having other people care about him though? He shares that with Meg.

Not that people have never been nice to him before, that’s not the case. But to have people be nice to him who he wouldn’t think would need to be, when he’s vulnerable... there’s a reason he’s been extremely touched when that’s happened even back from THO, and in this book he breaks down pretty much every time.

Meg struggles with needing to retain her independence, the new sense of herself she’s acquired during her journey with Apollo.

“I have to go back,” Meg insisted. “I have to see if I’m strong enough.”

Peaches cuddled up next to her as if he had no such concerns.

Meg patted his leafy wings. “Maybe I’ve gotten stronger. But when I go back to the palace, will it be enough? Can I remember to be who I am now and not… who I was then?”

I didn’t think she expected an answer. But it occurred to me that perhaps I should be asking myself that same question.

Since Jason Grace’s death, I’d spent sleepless nights wondering if I could keep my promise to him. Assuming I made it back to Mount Olympus, could I remember what it was like to be human, or would I slip back into being the self-centered god I used to be?

Change is a fragile thing. It requires time and distance. Survivors of abuse, like Meg, have to get away from their abusers. Going back to that toxic environment was the worst thing she could do. And former arrogant gods like me couldn’t hang around other arrogant gods and expect to stay unsullied.

But I supposed Meg was right. Going back was the only way to see how strong we’d gotten, even if it meant risking everything. (TON 114-115)

Meg needs to keep her identity she’s created for herself away from Nero. But her question about remembering to be who she is now versus who she was back then fits Apollo’s conundrum better, something that is clearly not lost on Apollo.

I knew my anxiety about my own weakness was getting mixed up with my anxiety about Meg. Even if I somehow made my way back to Mount Olympus, I didn’t trust myself to hold onto the important things I’d learned as a mortal. That made me doubt Meg’s ability to stay strong in her old toxic home.

The similarities between Nero’s household and my family on Mount Olympus made me increasingly uneasy. The idea that we gods were just as manipulative, just as abusive as the worst Roman emperor… Surely that couldn’t be true.

Oh, wait. Yes, it could. Ugh. I hated clarity. (TON 225-226)

Meg’s captured, being fully under Nero’s influence once more, with him trying to twist everything to be Apollo’s or Meg’s faults, trying to twist it so that every bit of distress that he puts Meg through is somehow the fault of her or her allies.

She picked up the chair and threw it across the room - but not at Nero. It whanged off the window, leaving a smudge but no cracks. I caught the flicker of a smile on Nero’s face - a smile of satisfaction - before his expression fixed back into a mask of sympathy. “Yes, dear. This anger comes from guilt. You led Apollo here. You understood what that meant, what would happen. But you did it anyway. That must be so painful... knowing you brought him to his end (TON 235)

This kind of manipulation is Nero’s trademark, he uses it for most of the book. Telling Meg what she’s feeling, telling her that she’s feeling this way because of something wrong SHE did, not because of the horrible things NERO did. Trying to rewrite her reality to fall in line with what HE wants her to believe, to think.

Nero makes her change clothes, has her scrub up, even has her get a pedicure. 

Normally this would sound like a good thing. But it’s just one of the ways he tries to rewrite who she is, to break her sense of identity and replace it with one more to his liking. By taking away things that showed her own personal style, he took away reminders of who she is, as well as showing his ability to exert control over her, make her believe she has no choices.

My heart broke. Meg looked elegant, older, and quite beautiful. She also looked utterly, completely no longer herself. Nero had tried to strip away everything she had been, every choice she’d made, and replace her with someone else - a proper young lady of the Imperial Household. (TON 285-286) 

Nero continues to try to twist the circumstances, to brainwash Meg into believing that he’s her savior and Apollo and the others may harm her. But Apollo keeps protesting, leading to this scene:

I tried to contain my horror. “Meg,” I said. “There’s only one person you need to listen to here: yourself. Trust yourself.”

I meant it, despite all my doubts and fears, despite all my complaints over the months about Meg being my master. She had chosen me, but I had also chosen her. I did trust her - not in spite of her past with Nero, but because of it. I had seen her struggle. I’d admired her hard-won progress. I had to believe in her for my own sake. She was - gods help me - my role model. (TON 293)

Ultimately, MEG’S the one who decides. Who fights back. Because she was able to listen to herself, to not be twisted by Nero’s lies and deceptions.

“I didn’t kill my father,” she said, her voice small and hard. “I didn’t cut off Lu’s hands or enslave those dryads or twist us all up inside.” She swept a hand towards the other demigods of the household. “You did that, Nero. I hate you.” (TON 295)

This was the tipping point. When she announced, to herself and everyone else, the truth. The reality. Rejecting Nero’s attempts to rewrite it.

Nero hissed. “Ungrateful child. The Beast-”

“The Beast is dead.” Meg tapped the side of her head. “I killed it.” (TON 311)

I notice here she tapped the side of her head. Of course, she didn’t literally kill The Beast; Nero’s still alive after all.

But The Beast was a psychological trick Nero used on Meg, to make her separate him into two people; the ‘nice’ stepfather, and The Beast that takes over and punishes if she misbehaves. 

She ‘killed’ it, because she killed the concept.

There was never a Beast.

There was only ever Nero.

And now that she’s gotten out from under his thumb? She reasserts her own identity.

Meg had thrown away her sandals, braving bare feet despite the arrows, rubble, bones, and discarded blades that littered the floor. Someone had given her an orange Camp Half-Blood shirt, which she’d put on over her dress, making her allegiance clear. She still looked older and more sophisticated, but she also looked like my Meg. (TON 323)

I like the emphasis on how she looks older, but also like herself. She looks like what Nero made her into still, in a way - she’s still wearing that dress after all - but she’s made it her own, integrated herself into it.

It nicely parallels Apollo’s own situation, with needing to integrate who he’s become as Lester, who he’s grown to be, with his godly identity. Because things WILL be different once he’s a god again; he’ll have power he doesn’t have now, will have exposure to other gods that he doesn’t currently have. So he needs to figure out how to handle that, how to be a god, how to be Apollo while not losing what he’s gained as Lester.

Even if I survived, I would not be the same. The best I could hope for was to emerge from Delphi with my godhood restored, which was what I had wanted and dreamed about for the past half a year. So why did I feel so reluctant about leaving behind the broken, battered form of Lester Papadopolous? (TON 327)

Like Meg was, Apollo’s struggling to get ahold of his own identity before he has to face his abuser again, has to re-enter that old toxic environment. He fears that if the trappings of “Lester” are destroyed, then like with Nero changing Meg’s clothes, that he’ll lose part of his connection to who he’s become.

As Apollo fights Python, his mortal body becomes less and less mortal, bringing him into an in-between, in-flux state that mirrors his internal identity crisis.

“YOU CAN’T HIDE!” Python bellowed. “YOU ARE NO GOD!”

This pronouncement hit me like a bucket of ice water. It didn’t carry the weight of prophecy, but it was true nonetheless. At the moment, I wasn’t sure what I was. I certainly wasn’t my old godly self. I wasn’t exactly Lester Papadopolous either. My flesh steamed. Pulses of light flickered under my skin, like the sun trying to break through storm clouds. When had that started?

I was between states, morphing as rapidly as Python himself. I was no god. I would never be the same old Apollo again. But in this moment, I had the chance to decide what I would become, even if that new existence only lasted a few seconds.

The realization burned away my delirium.

“I won’t hide,” I muttered. “I won’t cower. That’s not who I will be.” (TON 339-340)

Like with Meg before, he’s deciding, affirming for himself what kind of person he is now, who he wants to be, different from who he was before.

Even during the fight with Python, some small part of him hopes Zeus will intervene, will see he’s done enough and help him, save him. But here, that instinct is quashed for the final time.

I had done my best. Surely, Zeus would see that and be proud. Maybe he would send down a lightning bolt, blast Python into tiny pieces, and save me!

As soon as I thought this, I realized how foolish it was. Zeus didn’t work that way. He would not save me anymore than Nero had saved Meg. I had to let go of that fantasy. I had to save myself. (TON 341)

Much like with how Meg hoped back near the beginning of the series that Nero really would change, really was a good person deep down, Apollo kept up the hope in early entries that Zeus DID care about him and would come to save him at any moment. And even in later books, heck, even in THIS book, with Meg still calling Nero her stepfather a few times and the part of Apollo hoping that Zeus will intervene now, it’s hard to break the desire, the belief that that person who SHOULD care about you, surely will now.

But both of them break past that. Meg calls Nero out, rejects his attempts to rewrite reality, and Apollo kills the idea that Zeus might intervene on his behalf.

By the time Apollo’s a god again, he has a firm bead on the kind of person Zeus is, as well as the type of environment Mt. Olympus is, with most of his family just watching his trials and tribulations, everything he and his friends went through, and betting on the outcome. Only Artemis and Hera seemed to take things seriously, seemed to deeply care whether he lived or died.

Not that the others could have interfered against Zeus’s wishes.

As much as we pretended to be a council of twelve, in truth we were a tyranny. Zeus was less a benevolent father and more an iron-fisted leader with the biggest weapons and the ability to strip us of our immortality if we offended him. (TON 366)

Apollo just kind of hangs back for the council session, having little to say to anyone except Artemis, not caring much about what the other Olympians thought, and not really feeling like one of them as a whole. Though that was true even before he actually walked into the room.

I remembered my dream of the throne room - the other Olympians gambling on my success or failure. I wondered how much money they’d lost.

What could I possibly say to them? I no longer felt like one of them. I wasn’t one of them. (TON 358)

And finally, the long-awaited confrontation scene with Zeus. It wasn’t long. It wasn’t flashy. Unlike Meg, he couldn’t attack and get rid of his abuser, couldn’t get out from under his influence entirely. Zeus is King of the Gods; realizing that he’s an abusive asshole doesn’t change that.

But he COULD change his own response to the situation.

My father coughed into his fist. “ I know you think your punishment was harsh, Apollo.”

I did not answer. I tried my best to keep my expression polite and neutral.

“But you must understand,” Zeus continued, “only you could have overthrown Python. Only you could have freed the Oracles. And you did it, as I expected. The suffering, the pain along the way… regrettable, but necessary. You have done me proud.”

Interesting how he put that: I had done him proud. I had been useful in making him look good. My heart did not melt. I did not feel that this was a warm-and-fuzzy reconciliation with my father. Let’s be honest: some fathers don’t deserve that. Some fathers aren’t capable of it.

I suppose I could have raged at him and called him bad names. We were alone. He probably expected it. Given his awkward self-consciousness at the moment, he might even have let me get away with it unpunished.

But it would not have changed him. It would not have made anything different between us.

You cannot change a tyrant by trying to out-ugly him. Meg could never have changed Nero, any more than I could change Zeus. I could only try to be different than him. Better. More… human. And to limit the time I spent around him to as little as possible. (TON 367-368)

Apollo just... let go of any attachment to Zeus. It reminded me of the Cumaen SIbyl, with how she forgave Apollo for her own sake, how Apollo felt that he himself was being erased by that. 

This isn’t a reconciliation; this is simply Apollo putting Zeus as far behind him as possible and trying to let him take up as little space in his life as he can. He may not be able to cut all ties to him, but he can at least minimize his connection to him, his influence over him.

In the end, Apollo doesn’t even really consider what he went through to be a punishment; not really.

To be honest, though, I could no longer consider my time on Earth a punishment. Terrible, tragic, nearly impossible… yes. But calling it a punishment gave Zeus too much credit. It had been a journey - an important one I made for myself, with the help of my friends. I hoped… I believed that the grief and pain had shaped me into a better person. I had forged a more perfect Lester from the dregs of Apollo. I would not trade those experiences for anything. And if I had been told I had to be Lester for another hundred years… Well, I could think of worse things. At least I wouldn’t be expected to show up at the Olympian solstice meetings. (TON 373)

Like with his conversation with Zeus, he’s minimizing Zeus’s control, his influence over himself and his life. 

And in the end, Apollo leaves Mt. Olympus as soon as he can to spend time with all the new friends he’s made, away from the toxic influences of Olympus and of Zeus especially. Reaffirming his new identity, his new self by appearing in his Lester form, the form he’d grown in, that he’d forged for himself.

I just really love how in-depth Tower of Nero went, especially with the way it emphasized the identity manipulation and erasure involved with some kinds of abuse.

[rena-te]

Liveblog to Neo Twewy. Week 2, Day 1 under the cut.

God the fucking Ruinbringers are totally in on it with Shiba and they’re purposefully clogging the game and ugh I hate Shiba so much.

I thought the “bid you adieu” thing was a little cheesy but after he kills Fuya and says that it’s a tad bit intimidating.

Ha! Then Fret instantly mocks him for that. Amazing.

Oh hello Kairya :)

I was worried that Shiba was the Conductor. Megumi was a good dude who tried to defend the city. If Shiba is the Conductor why is he acting like a game master too? Megs never talked to players outside of the week winners. (Also worry for Joshua increases…his only two confidants are supposed to be the Conductor and Producer…we have no idea about Hanekoma…and Shiba is bad news.)

I hate the heating up analogues….like boiling a frog huh.

There is this weird tension between Fret and Rindo now that’s really interesting to see. From their personalities they don’t quite go together, but only now has Fret stopped ignoring Rindo’s attitude and pretending that everything is fine (he still tried to be optimistic, but the reality of it maybe has set in for Fret.)

[albatris]

GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS

IT’S RAPIDFIRE UNDERTOW CHARACTER RUNDOWN TIME YEEHAW LET’S GO

YOU CAN READ IT IF YOU LIKE

the setting: who the fuck knows

the time period: who the FUCK knows

the premise: amnesiac youth acquires a magically-enhanced sentient truck that runs on stories. because of reasons, she then embarks on a weird cross-country roadtrip, meeting equally weird people and investigating strange phenomena and curious magical goings-on. there is a ragtag gang of misfits and some world-saving involved also. and some dogs. yep

important caveat: this entire story is just my self-indulgent daydream universe. literally the entire thing? just for funsies. it’s my catch-all for ideas that don’t fit elsewhere. it’s my ridiculous worldbuilding melting-pot! it’s an excuse to string whatever wholesome and angsty moments I like together with whatever weird shit I think would be fun

the only motive behind anything I do in Undertow is “why the fuck not?” and that’s totally valid imo

and here we go. long post ahoy 

the bastards:

ASTER (they/she): Conveniently amnesiac protagonist! Aroace and genderqueer! Woke up one day on the side of the road with the keys to a weird truck that runs on stories instead of fuel, and now uses delivery driving work as an excuse to careen all about the country collecting friends and solving magical mysteries. Vaguely clairvoyant and can ~speak~ with the energy-flow of the universe. Dresses like they’ve fallen straight out of a cyberpunk anime. Chatty, over-excited, impulsive. Extremely full of love.

important tunes: “overture” by sleeping at last, “timebomb” by walk the moon (weird choice for an aroace character but bear with me)

KIT (he/him): Not the first random Aster gets into shenanigans with but the first who tags along for further shenanigans and also becomes a protagonist. Pan. Wouldn’t know what a gender was if it punched him in the face. Highly skilled necromancer who straight-up doesn’t believe in magic, currently trying to fulfil the dying wish of his late wife (to reanimate a t-rex). Awkward and standoffish and lonely, tries to pretend he’s cool but just really really isn’t. Would rather set his entire self on fire than admit he considers Aster his best friend. Schizotypal synesthete whose fashion sense can be described as “how many clothes can I layer on top of each other before I physically cannot move?”

important tunes: “body” by mother mother, “hunting season” by fences, “necromancin dancin” by bear ghost

MEG (she/her): Mad scientist mechanic who does tonnes of magical illegal shit to cars for funsies. An expert on bizarre vehicles! This is the person you talk to if you, idk, happen across a strange truck with sentience that eats stories. She hates people and lives completely isolated in the middle of fuck-off nowhere with sixteen dogs. Completely unhinged. Thinks clothes are for losers so wears as few of them as possible and I want NO ONE making this a weird sexual thing. She’s just a feral bastard maniac. She’s living my weird feral bastard in the woods dreams. She has no interest in labelling her sexuality or gender, but both can be accurately summed up with “how dare you fucking look at me”

important tunes: “the machine” by lemon demon, “a mask of my own face” by lemon demon............ there’s just....... lemon demon songs here ok........ I haven’t yet found the songs with the Peak Meg Energies

NOLAN (he/him): Bastard. Chaotic bastard. Is of some relation to Kit, possibly an older brother, possibly just some dude who decided Kit looked like a fun person to annoy for all eternity. Speaks entirely in riddles and cryptic poems, loves needless melodrama. Dresses like he’s going to the beach even when he isn’t. He has zero motives beyond fun and chaos and boredom, which sometimes leads to him working with the protagonists and sometimes leads to him actively sabotaging them. Role in the story ranges from “genuinely terrifying villain” to “weird almost-friend who hangs around with the heroes even though no one invited him and is just a general endearing nuisance”. Literally cannot die, because he has some seriously impressive and terrifying subconscious reality-bending powers and it does not occur to him that he can die. So he doesn’t. Unrelated, he’s the only Undertow character besides Beth who canonically dies.

important tunes: “complicated creation” by cloud cult, “when he died” by lemon demon (peak Nolan chaotic energies)

BAKER (he/him): Meg’s apprentice? Meg’s assistant? Doesn’t really know that much about cars and I think he landed in the role because he misread the job advertisement, but he tries to be helpful anyway. Very small lesbian. Possibly some form of vampire except in reverse? Listen. I don’t know that much about Baker but one key fact is that he’s solar-powered and sometimes he’ll just lie down on the floor unconscious mid-task and you have to haul him over your shoulder and lob him into the sunlight and wait for his energy to recharge. Easily flustered, hardworking, pleasant enough but not super great at Peopling. Also gets possessed at one stage but he gets better so it’s nbd

important tunes: “pink smoke” by the scary jokes, “featherstone” by the paper kites

???????? (??/??): The main villain. The big bad. I have no idea if this is a thing that has a physical form or if it’s just an abstract floaty intangible concept. This is the thing that briefly possesses Baker. This is also the thing that one-shot kills Nolan. Possibly it’s some kind of river-surface reflection monster that steals your face and becomes a fucked up version of you except it accidentally reflected some kind of ancient god and now the whole world is screwed. Possibly it’s the gradual marching of the universe towards death except that marching gained sentience and is incredibly frightened. Who the FUCK knows. Not me.

important tunes: “dead moon” by brick + mortar, “ruler of everything” by tally hall

other bastards who exist. vaguely. probably:

CARDS (xe/xem): Gentle, patient, good at growing herbs and reading tarot cards. Xe’s married to Meg. Literally no one knows this because they hardly ever interact and they don’t live together and when they do interact people are generally like “huh, Meg doesn’t seem to despise Cards quite as much as she despises everyone else” but like. They’re happily married. Also xe’s called Cards because xir last name is “Cardone”. This is a fact that I stole from someone I’ve met in real life, because no one is safe from my terrible thieving writer hands

BETH (she/her): Kit’s late wife. She’s a ghost. She has lots of opinions about things. She’s not here in the story because of any necromancy or raising the dead on Kit’s part. She refuses to die out of pure spite. She’s got shit to do. She likes heavy metal and writing romance novels. These are currently the only facts I know about her. Thank you

FERRIS (she/her): Her last name is Wheel. She is a character I created specifically because I realised that Ferris Wheel is a name that you could actually for real name someone. I can’t decide if it’s funnier if this character’s name is Ferris Wheel in a world where ferris wheels exist but she herself has never been exposed to the concept of one so she doesn’t understand why all the other characters are like “??????” when they first meet her, or if this character’s name is Ferris Wheel in a world that is essentially just Earth But Magic, save for the fact that the exact, specific concept of a ferris wheel was never invented. Also she’s a businesswoman.......... also she can levitate...... also she’s a lesbian

ok that’s it bye thanks love you

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2019 Day 23: Mutual Pining

Falling Awake | @wildsofourhearts Rating: General Word Count: 2530 Main Tags and Warnings: Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester Being Idiots, Post Michael 2.0, Castiel is a mother hen Summary: After Michael is killed by Team Free Will 2.0, Dean ends up in the Empty, Michael's grace pulling a sliver of his consciousness there. The Cosmic Entity calls him out on not realising Castiel is in love with him. Dean needs to decide what to do with that information as he wakes up home.

It Started with a Fanfic Competition | @tenoko1 Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 124540 Main Tags and Warnings: characters write fanfiction, Humor, so much fluff, Angst, Internalized Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Accidental Plot, UST, Everybody's a BAMF, Cases go wrong, Personal Growth, Sibling Bonding, Found Family, Best Friends, PTSD, Therapy, Alternate Season/Series 12, Unlikely Friendships, Family Bonding,Tropes, Charlie Lives, Everyone Has Issues, Family Feels, Drama & Romance, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Wayward Sisters Summary: What started off as a game becomes a journey of friendship, love, and personal growth; filled with all the ups-and-downs that will make and bind a family.

The Park | @dmsilvisart Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2155 Main Tags and Warnings: friends to lovers, implied affair, marriage, talk of children, marital problems Summary: It the park where they met 10 years previous, it's the park where their friendship turned relationship threatens to end now.

The One Rule Club | @spinnerjen Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4032 Main Tags and Warnings: Smut, Rough Sex Summary: Summary: There is only one rule... Consent.

begin & end there | @reallyelegantsharkfish Rating: Explicit Word Count: 7677 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Catfishing, Online Relationship, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Mental Health Issues, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sad Boy Castiel, Phone Sex, Texting, Oral Sex, Loss of Virginity, Fluff Summary: Dean: You’re not who you say you are Cas has always known it might come to this — Dean knowing the pathetic reality of him — and he always knew whatever they were doing couldn’t last. Eventually Dean would see through his excuses. Eventually he would meet someone like James: handsome, successful, confident. Someone that deserves Dean’s attention.

Cas Stuff | @suckerfordeansfreckles Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4731 Main Tags and Warnings: alpha/beta/omega dynamics, alpha!Cas/omega!Dean, pining, misunderstandings, angst, best friends to lovers, very brief Meg/Cas kiss, knotting Summary: Since Cas and Dean moved into their shared apartment closer to their college, but especially since Dean started making more and more new friends in classes and on campus and at parties, things changed. Dean changed, their friendship changed — but Castiel didn’t. Still, if it weren’t for Dean’s handwriting, blue ink on white paper, Cas would never believe Dean would be this cruel. Would never think Dean would sit down and write an actual list about all the things he hates about Cas. A list. Titled “Cas Stuff”.

Faithfully | @wigglebox  Rating: Mature Word Count: 29198 Main Tags and Warnings: Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, recovery, Road Trips, Somnophilia, Bed Sharing Summary: Post-Michael Dean is struggling to recover after essentially suffering a 'cosmic stroke'. The thing he wants the most is a road trip, but with only one person.

Of Flowers and Flours | @lemonsorbae Rating: General Word Count: 4217 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff, First Kiss, Florist Castiel, Baker Dean, Alternate Universe, mutual pining Summary: Castiel owns a floral shop, Dean owns a bakery.

Lucky | @breathingdestiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1529 Main Tags and Warnings: au, best friends to lovers Summary: “He knows he is being far more dramatic than the situation warrants—Cas is only leaving for six months—but Dean has only recently realized that he is in love with his best friend and now he has to watch him leave.”

Dream House | @breathingdestiel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 26622 Main Tags and Warnings: au, celebrity!dean, misunderstandings Summary: Castiel Shurley and his best friend Dorothy Baum have decided to move in together. After his aunt assumes they are dating, she offers them money for the house, but only if they apply for a famous reality show ‘Dream House’. Since they could use the money and he doesn’t want to come out to his aunt, Castiel and Dorothy agree to fake date for the show. But things go wrong when Dorothy falls in love with the show’s producer and Castiel starts to develop feelings for one of the hosts. Dean Winchester is a co-host of ‘Dream House’, along with his brother. Sam, being a realtor, finds a fixer-upper and Dean turns it into a perfect house for their clients. Even though he has what most people only dream about, Dean is incredibly lonely. He had bad experiences with relationships in the past and he doesn’t think he will ever meet anyone who can earn his trust. Until he meets Castiel.

Solitary Flights and Second Chances | @pherryt Rating: General Word Count: 7415 Main Tags and Warnings: Major Tom, Science Fiction, astronaut!dean, estranged Cas and Dean, Pining, hurt!Dean, sabotage, some homophobic language and behavior, Confessions, Second Chances, Sick!Dean, Angst, happy/hopeful ending Summary: All Dean's life, all he wanted was to go into space. He's sacrificed a lot on the way to that dream. Now he has it and he realizes... he sacrificed too much. Way too much. Sabotage, injury and an aborted trip are a strange way to get back the things he lost... that most precious thing of all... but if he can salvage something good from all this, he'll take it. he just needs to get back home alive, first.

After All These Years | @peanutbutterjelly-pie Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 99909 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Pretend Relationship, Mutual Pining, Single Parent Dean Summary: In which Dean finds himself at a wedding as Jo's fake boyfriend against his will, groaning and complaining the whole time, but still trying to appear all handsome and perfect and utterly in love since he's an awesome friend like that (and since Jo would make his life a living hell otherwise). And just when he begins to think that it won't be so bad to eat tons of free food and let his daughter Emma enjoy the festivity his gaze suddenly meets the two bluest eyes in existence and the world stops to move for a moment. Because of course the groom's brother turns out to be his old high school crush Castiel – the only person Dean was never able to forget – and things start to become really complicated all of a sudden.

Autobiography of Black | @drawlight Rating: Explicit Word Count: 14907 Main Tags and Warnings: Pining, Romance, Feelings Realization, Baking, Fallen Angel Castiel, Bunker Fic Summary: Castiel knows all human languages; Dean has never been particularly good with words. (Or: an examination of pies and stars.)

Sending A Raven | @saltnhalo Rating: Explicit Word Count: 38677 Main Tags and Warnings: Viking AU, temporary character death, mutual pining, magic Summary: When Dean, the Viking jarl of Týrvik, leaves on a raid to combat the enemy warriors attacking their ships, his husband Castiel is left to protect and lead the village. The ships return barely a week later, with damaged timbers and a devastated, leader-less crew, and suddenly Castiel finds himself not only in a position of leadership for which he is ill-equipped, but terrified for the safety of his captured husband. With the possibility of a spy somewhere in the village’s midst, Castiel leaves his people under Sam’s care and departs on the journey north to where they think Dean is being held, in a desperate attempt to rescue him before it’s too late.

Kelp! I Need Somebody | @andimeantittosting Rating: Explicit Word Count: 27090 Main Tags and Warnings: canon divergent from 13x23, case fic, mutual pining Summary: It’s been a week since Michael was defeated and Dean freed, but Castiel can’t seem to get back on the horse. Dean, on the other hand appears to have bounced back completely, with one small exception: he no longer dares touch the now-human Cas at all. When they receive a call from Jesse and Cesar to come investigate a series of mysterious drownings near their New Mexico ranch, Dean jumps on the job, much to Cas and Sam’s dismay. But more challenging than the kelpie they encounter, Jesse and Cesar’s relationship holds up a mirror, showing Dean and Cas the future they wish they could have. When Rowena and Charlie get involved, a shake-up is inevitable.

Sometimes, it's better to be alone | @notfunnydean Rating: General Word Count: 3724 Main Tags and Warnings: Dean thinks Sam and Cas are dating, crying Dean, jealous Dean Summary: When Dean discovers, that Sam and Castiel are in a relationship, he does the right thing. He runs.

Only Children and Fools Tell the Ttruth | @notfunnydean Rating: General Word Count: 4163 Main Tags and Warnings: De-aged Cas, De-aged Dean, curses, baby sitter!Sam, shy!Dean, Dean has no filter as a kid Summary: When a hunt goes wrong, Sam finds himself with two children alone in the woods. Dean doesn’t seem to trust him at first, but he cares about Castiel even more and lets a well kept secret out.

I've fallen in love many times… but always with you | @notfunnydean Rating: General Word Count: 2660 Main Tags and Warnings: Castiel is in love, Dean is jealous, sneaky Castiel, obvious Dean, first kiss Summary: Dean and Cas are alone in the bunker, when Castiel wants to know if Dean has ever been in love. In return Castiel tells him about a special person he is in love with. Dean needs to know more. For reasons.

Genie in a Bottle | @thursdays-fallen-angel Rating: Explicit Word Count: 29454 Main Tags and Warnings: Genie!Cas, side Dean/Lisa Summary: When Dean finds (okay, steals) a bottle containing a strange, glowing blue substance, he does so thinking it's a cool novelty, at best. It didn't exactly cross his mind that the substance might be a living being, let alone a grumpy, sarcastic, perpetually-underdressed genie waiting for a new master. But now that he has a bona fide genie at his disposal, well-what better chance will he have to help things along with Lisa? Except, things don't always go as expected, relationships are complicated, magic is never the solution, and sometimes the person you want isn't the person you need.

Lost Time | @mittensmorgul Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 7963 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff and Angst, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Newly Human Castiel, Love Confessions, First Kiss Summary: Dean figured Cas was only trying to let him down easy. He needed a little bit of time to figure out how to deal with it.

Take Residence In My Bones | @babybluecas Rating: Mature Word Count: 34667 Main Tags and Warnings: implied major character death, canon divergent, angst, angelic possession Summary: Being chained to a comet is not how Dean would describe an angelic possession. It’s dark, it’s scary and most of all, confusing. When, with help of Castiel’s voice, he manages to make sense of the new experience, he finally finds some peace of mind not only for himself but for the angel as well. While their relationship unfolds in the seclusion of Dean’s head, the final battle of the Civil War in Heaven approaches inexorably and every step of their hunt for Raphael gets them closer to not being so close anymore. The question is: will Dean be able to let go?

The Return Policy | @castielrisingabove Rating: Mature Word Count: 32550 Main Tags and Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Witch Castiel, Asexual Castiel, Incubus Dean, Accidental Bonding Summary: What's the worst spell an asexual witch like Castiel could cast? Turns out it's the kind that gets him accidentally bonded to an incubus named Dean. Now, Castiel's stuck on a road trip with a sex demon companion as the unlikely pair search for another way to break the bond.

Circuitry and Dust | @almaasi Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 23206 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - Antique Shops, Fluff, Romance, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Antique Dealer Castiel, Demisexual Castiel, Demiromantic Castiel, Virgin Castiel, Gamer Dean, Electrician Dean, Talking Birds, Dean in Panties Summary: Castiel's antiquity trading shop is a force to be reckoned with. Last week it was the pipes, this week it's the lights and the crate of ancient gunpowder. Dean, being skilled at many things, regularly drops by to fix what needs fixing. The two of them are excellent friends, and nothing can come between them - not even the shop's resident myna bird and her highly improper vocabulary, most of which Castiel insists he didn't teach her. Now, skip forward a bit. When Castiel discovers Dean's romantic affections are directed at someone other than him, the support he gives Dean regardless of his own feelings brings plenty of matters to a head. Turns out, the answer to his woes was right under his nose the whole time...

Without Further Ado | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 5807 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Romance, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Requited Love, Laundry, Hunting, Lists, Epistolary, Everyone Is Alive, Love Confessions, Best Friends, Comfortably Bisexual Dean, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Mutual Pining Summary: Dean discovers a decade-old list in his pocket entitled "Reasons not to be with Cas". Every single reason is irrelevant now. So what's stopping them, exactly?

Wee Little Love Child | @almaasi Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 10649 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Domestic Fluff, Romance, Kid Fic, Schmoop, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Team Free Will, De-Aged Sam Winchester, Cursed Sam, Mistaken for a Couple, Sam Ships Castiel/Dean, Matchmaker Sam, Rowena Ships Castiel/Dean, Matchmaker Rowena, Parent Castiel, Parent Dean, Affectionate Dean, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Sharing a Bed, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Sam Walks in on Castiel/Dean Summary: After being magically de-aged, little Sammy is under the impression that Dean and Cas are his parents. He wants to know if they're in love, but they can't (or won't) give a consistent answer. The thing is, they have to grant Sam's greatest wish in order to reverse the curse, but they can only do that as a pair. What does Sam want most? For Dean and Cas to express their true feelings. Aloud. To each other.

He Called Me Honey | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 3247 Main Tags and Warnings: Fluff, Schmoop, Romance, First Kiss, Flustered Dean, Supportive Sam, Terms of Endearment, Pet Names, Pancakes, Breakfast, Bisexual Dean, Nesting Dean, Angel Castiel, Food as a Metaphor for Love Summary: After having a weird dream in which he kisses Cas, Dean accidentally discusses the matter with Sam over pancakes. (Then Cas shows up. Dean is a flustered mess.)

Note to Self: Cas Loves You | @almaasi Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3404 Main Tags and Warnings: Canon Universe, Fluff, Drunk Dean, Bisexual Dean, Caring Castiel, Holding Hands, Love Confessions, Drunken Confessions, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Sam Knows, set somewhere around season 4/5 Summary: Dean is not just drunk – he is VERY drunk. Castiel ushers him back to their motel room, completely aware that by the time Dean wakes up tomorrow, he won't remember anything about tonight. What better time for Castiel to confess his love?

The Moonlighter and the Magician | @almaasi Rating: Explicit Word Count: 67259 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe, Historical, 1920s, Prohibition, Romance, Fluff, Drama, Social Commentary, Slow Burn, Musician Castiel, Thief Castiel, Asexual Castiel, Autistic Castiel, Agender Castiel, Smart Castiel, Musician Dean, Magician Dean, Past Sex Worker Dean, Wanderlust, Neighbors, Friends to Lovers, Sensual Attraction, Sexual Incompatibility, Bath Sex, Bathing/Washing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Sharing a Bed, Newspapers, Happy Ending, Protective Sam Summary: A Dean/Cas 1920s AU. Castiel is a jewel thief, notorious and revered in New York City. For five years he’s been unstoppable, untraceable. Like a bird courting a mate, he brings gifts to his neighbour’s window, hoping to impress the other man with glittering gems. All Castiel wants is to leave and travel the world with Dean. But although Dean’s heart is consumed with yearning for his peculiar friend, after years of being bought and broken by other people, he cannot easily give up the security of home. Can he put all his trust in the man he loves and choose adventure, or will Castiel be forced to fly away alone?

Symbols of Affection | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 4865 Main Tags and Warnings: Romance, Light-Hearted, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Crack, Emojis, Texting, Cupcakes, Sleepy Dean, Dean is Bad at Feelings, Baker Castiel, Elephants, Castiel and Dean in Love, First Kiss Summary: Dean texts Cas a kissy-face emoticon by mistake. However, when he sees Cas' reply, he starts to think maybe it wasn't a mistake after all.

In Which Dean Frogs Up | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 6326 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Canon, Crack, Fluff, Romance, Animal Transformation, True Love's Kiss, Fairy Tale Curses, Moondoor, Oblivious Dean, Dean in Panties, Bisexual Dean, Prince Dean, Prince Castiel (sort of), Coming Out, Charlie Ships It, Oblivious Sam, Love Confessions, First Kiss, set somewhere in season 8 Summary: Dean transforms himself into a frog by mistake, bang in the middle of Charlie's Moondoor tent. Only true love's kiss will put him back to normal. But who the hell is Dean's true love?! Since it's not Charlie or Sam, maybe Cas can shed some light.

Make You Feel My Love | @sternchencas Rating: Explicit Word Count: 24371 Main Tags and Warnings: fluff and smut, mutual pining, tattooed!Cas, music festival Summary: For the first time in his life, Dean has a ticket to the ‘Heaven on Earth Music Festival’ and after enjoying a weekend full of music, fast food, and freaky people, he takes a late night walk over the festival grounds to say goodbye. Little does he know that the weekend is far from over and that fate has a gift for him - a tall, dark, and tattooed gift. Castiel regrets many things in his life, but in the midst of a sea of tents, he makes a choice that leads fate to finally give him a break - a hot, sweet break, in need of an angel.

Love Around The Corner | @sternchencas Rating: General Word Count: 3468 Main Tags and Warnings: librarian!Cas, secret notes, fluff Summary: Castiel works at the library and finds notes hidden in the returned books, addressed to him. Will he find out who's sending them?

Changing Seasons | @mouthwashh Rating: General Word Count: 1792 Main Tags and Warnings: 12x12 Coda, confession, first kiss Summary: And so the hope dies and Dean is left in a desolate kitchen with the resolve that his angel will never show.

Hold onto me, breathe, breathe, you can breathe, you’re not drowning | @60r3d0m Rating: Mature Word Count: 4538 Main Tags and Warnings: Mutual Pining, Love Potion/Spell, Love Confessions, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary: Dean grins. “You don’t wanna try it?” Cas rolls his eyes. “These usually work on first sight, Dean, so unless you want me to fall in love with you, I suggest you put it away.” Dean licks his lips. He watches Cas’ mouth. Then he tucks the love potion into the Gross Stuff drawer and turns away.

Drive, Darling | @goldenboydean Rating: Explicit Word Count: 43782 Main Tags and Warnings: Mutual pining, slow burn, bed sharing, homophobic language, john winchester's a+ parenting, bisexual dean winchester Summary: It's the last day of July and the air is thick with heat and road dust. Dean Winchester is waiting for his new lodger, some photographer from Chicago coming down to take pictures of the famous covered bridges in the area. And when Castiel Novak arrives at the Winchester farm both men develop a bond that grows stronger as the days go by. But Cas is only here for a short stay and Dean fears that falling for him would only end in a heartbreak. Some things, however, are inevitable. Summer is in full bloom in Madison County, Iowa. Hot, cloudless and ripe with possibilities.

[inacatastrophicmind]

hi! do you have a fic rec page? i'd love to see what your all-time fav destiel fics are

I don’t have a fic rec page. I've been thinking about making one for a long time, but I haven’t. Still, I’m going to list some of my favorite fics and add the summary.

Burden by riseofthefallenone (WIP, mutant!AU)

Mutants are considered second class citizens, or worse. Discriminated against at every turn, mutants are marked and monitored by The Registry and any deemed too dangerous are taken away to The Facility. It’s no surprise that many try to hide or choose a more permanent way out if a mutation develops.

Castiel’s parents hid his mutation and hid him away from the world. He’s grown up with the knowledge that the world will hate him, no matter what he does. If he leaves the house, he can only do it with a long, heavy coat that covers the most beautiful part of him.

It takes a pair of brothers to help him really spread his wings and live.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits (canon!verse)

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

the cost of a thing by quiettewandering (canon!verse)

16 months ago, Cas became human.

12 months ago, Cas left the bunker and a broken-hearted Dean behind.

Now they must work a case together, where married couples are dying mysterious deaths and the only way to earn the neighbors' trust is by pretending to be married. Slowly, Dean finds that he loves being in a relationship with Cas, fake or not, and Cas finds his loneliness retreating, despite the harsh reality looming right around the corner. As Dean and Cas navigate this fake, but all too real, relationship, can they find the monster that is on a mysteriously motivated killing spree before it’s too late?

'Cause I'm Yours by FeaRauko(canon!verse)

He steps outside during Sam and Eileen's wedding reception for a breather.Dean follows him.

or

That one where Cas is so very tired of pretending that he isn't madly in love with Dean...or as though he can't clearly see the way Dean loves him back.

Scarsby lemonsorbae(punk!dean and hipster!cas AU)

Dean Winchester doesn’t answer to anybody about anything. Not about his ever changing hair color or tattoos, not his music, and definitely not about all the fucks he definitely doesn’t give. Of course, then he meets pretentious, skinny jean wearing, ugly sweater buying Castiel Edlund who’s hardest lot in life is probably alphabetizing inventory at his uncle’s record store, and suddenly Dean has to answer for everything.

Castiel, on the other hand, had long since accepted his fate as an anti-social, directionless, and misunderstood soul, with his cat, Meg, and a bottle of whiskey being the only company he needed. But then fate threw him Dean, the abrasive, infuriating punk who wears guyliner, and walks around like the chip on his shoulder is something to be proud of, and Castiel’s carefully constructed life was turned ass over teakettle.

After a heated exchange upon first meeting, a mutual loathing afterwards, and the glaring opposites in their lives, neither of them sees the point of mixing oil and water. Which would be all good and well, except neither of them seems to be able to stay away from the other.

Stand By Me by whelvenwings (post-apocalypse!AU)

Dean Winchester has been alone for a long, long time.

When he and Castiel happen to find each other - a couple of survivors in a world that’s been all but wiped clean - Dean’s looking for his brother; Castiel is looking for something to look for. They stick together, because neither of them much wants to be alone. They hate each other at first, of course. Dean hates Castiel for being weird and quiet and ironic and antagonistic and proud. Castiel hates Dean for being blunt and reckless and coarse, for drinking, for refusing to talk about how he feels and just pretending everything is fine. Most of all, they hate themselves and each other just for being alive. What right do they have to be alive? No one else seems to be.

But against his own will, Dean starts to notice things about Castiel that he likes. Starts to hope that Castiel might like him, too. And together, they start to fight for a world where they're both alive - and that's a good thing.

Rest in Pieces by xylodemon (canon!verse)

"Goddamned ghosts," Dean snaps, stabbing his shovel into the dirt. "Goddamned Heaven."

(or: the one with the Ghost Apocalypse)

A Priori by K_K_TiBal, whelvenwings (WIP, Hogwarts!AU)

Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are headed to Hogwarts.

Castiel, as a member of the old Novak wizarding family, is fully expected to be sorted into Ravenclaw, like all of his ancestors before him. Dean, as a Muggle-born, has no idea what the Houses even are. With a surprise sorting and classes starting soon afterwards, they're both pitched headfirst into the unknown - and they find themselves in competition with each other almost at once, both of them needing to prove themselves to the people they left at home, and the people with them at Hogwarts.

Over the course of their seven years at Hogwarts, Dean and Cas learn what it means to prove yourself, what it takes to discover who you are, what it feels like to fall in love, and what it is they'll fight for - what matters most of all.

Love: A Retrospective by xylodemon(canon!verse)

Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker. 

where the weeds take root by loneprairies  (canon!verse)

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

These Violent Delights by Persephoneshadow (canon!verse)

A newly mortal Castiel wants to understand humanity, and a little Shakespeare is just the thing to help him. Of course, it takes a little bit of prodding, but soon the Winchesters (along with Kevin and Charlie) are all part of the world's weirdest reading club. Of course, the poetry starts having an effect on everyone...

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by amarillogrande(canon!verse)

Heaven is white.

Well. Isn’t that fucking stereotypical.

Dean isn’t really sure how he got here. Or even why he’s here. And hell, for all the times the Winchesters have died, he thinks he ought to know the drill by now. But what he doesn’t know is when most folks go, they find something different.

There’s a system God put in place. That when you’re gone (for good), there are a couple things you gotta do first. There are five people waiting for you.

They are the five people you meet in heaven.

Castle on a Cloud by whelvenwings (fantasy!AU)

Dean Winchester has his whole life planned out. Becoming a warrior is all he’s ever dreamed about, since he was tiny - saving people, hunting monsters; quests and deeds and swords and glory. He’s done his training and he’s ready to become a Savaşçı, a knight of the realm. All that stands in his way is the Vigil, a night-long contemplation of his past and future in the chapel just outside the city walls. The only rules: no eating, no speaking, and no opening the door.

Easy, right?

Very easy. Until there’s a knocking, and a voice from outside that pleads for his help…

So begins Dean’s journey, and his path will take him far - across the desert, through the forests, over the mountains and beyond. But his mysterious blue-eyed companion is keeping secrets, and Dean has a few of his own. Will he be able to let go of his fear before they come to the Castle on a Cloud?

Chili Peppers by justanothersong(professors!AU)

Dr. Winchester hears an off hand comment from one of his students and find himself browsing a website dedicated to rating university professors. He's not surprised by his rating -- but is a little miffed to see the department chair has an even better one. Clearly, something needs to be done about this.

Chasing Cars by ratherbehere(college!AU)

After an awkward accidental encounter at a local strip club, Castiel discovers his college roommate, Dean, has a secret career as a stripper, and their relationship begins to change and a bond begins to form. They face the joys and challenges of life together and discover along the way how deeply they've come to care for each other.

Redemption Roadby spnredemption (canon!verse)

Given that this is a huge series, and each part has a different summary, I’ll summarize it as a post season 6 fic in which Team Free Will try to save the world.

A Little Patience by riseofthefallenone  (modern setting AU with elements of High School, College and Coffee shop)

The first part summary: It sometimes feels a little wrong thinking debauched things about a guy who could very well be one of Sammy’s teachers. But then those wrong feelings go up in smoke when the downright sinful fantasies kick in just from thinking the word ‘teacher’. Those are always pretty darn amazing and Dean has a very vivid imagination.

The second part is basically Cas’ POV of the story.

Casturbatus Interruptus by smallhorizons (canon!verse)

post-9.01, in a slight AU wherein Cas comes to live with the Winchesters at the Bunker. Written before 9.03. Crossposting from Tumblr. Written for a prompt from hightopsandsharpies: "Okay, so Cas is a virgin, and has no idea what pleasure is and Dean decides to show him and Cas gets all cuddly and needy afterwards."

Dean walks in on Cas masturbating. He’s doing it all wrong, but when you’re a bazillion-year-old virgin, that’s to be expected. Dean decides to lend him a hand in a totally platonic, non-romantic way. Things get a little out of control.

Not Part of the Planby Annie D (scaramouche)  (Royalty and Human AU, this one is hard to describe. Better read all the tags)

Castiel's spent most of his adult life keeping his head down and staying out of trouble. This is a deliberate choice on his part, because as a cousin of the King, he'd rather stay unimportant and forgotten. This changes abruptly when King Michael decides that he has a better use for Castiel: he is to be wed to a noble member of the neighboring Republic, as part of an agreement between their two nations.

Castiel knows he has to obey, but that doesn't mean he won't rebel in what small ways he can. Unexpectedly, his actions end up having far-reaching consequences.

To Raise A Kingby riseofthefallenone (medieval!AU)

This must be some kind of horrible joke at Castiel’s expense. Is he truly expected to protect a King? One who has been their enemy for as long as he can remember? He is much more suited to being a part of the army, or at the very least someone who helps to train the knights. That would be far more preferred than having to watch over the King. It means Castiel would get to keep fighting – and that’s the only way he knows to give meaning to his life.

Painted Angelsby WinJennster (modern!AU with writer!cas and artist!dean)

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing.Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

Angel's Wildby LimonadeGaby, riseofthefallenone (Wing fic!AU)

But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels.

Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right?

That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.

The Pillow Verse byAnythingtoasted, clockworkrobots, inplayruns, nyoka, outpastthemoat, thepillowverse (canon!verse)

The Pillow ‘Verse was a tumblr-based Dean/Castiel round-robin fanfiction challenge that took place over Supernatural’s 2013 summer hiatus.

A canon-based domestic!fic shared universe set in the Men of Letter’s bunker, The Pillow ‘Verse follows Dean, Castiel, Sam, and their small cohort of rabble-rousers through stories of love, nest building, family, and healing following the 8x23 Supernatural finale Sacrifice.

This is a story of the things that happen after the fall.