#meditation b

[the-surreptitious-albatross]

For the @mysteriouslotuscasebookweek Day 6 prompt "Nature", I painted the trio hanging out at a waterfall

[kaleb-is-definitely-sane]

Hello, hello lovely Kaleb! One of my upcoming writing projects is about a queer Christian who grew up in a very strict Christian family. She is told that God doesn't love her and that she is going to Hell, but this girl has a passionate and loving faith.

If you are comfortable, could you please describe how faith feels to you. I imagine the whole concept must be very powerful and overwhelming at times, but it isn't something I've experienced, so I don't want to inaccurately represent the experience of being Christian. I'd be grateful for any small contribution, but again, if this isn't a question you want to answer don't worry about it at all :)

Thank you so much,

Sage

Xx

Okay. So. For reference. Sage sent me this ask on May 19, 120 days ago. And I thought, "Oh, this'll be easy to answer." But then in June I was proven just how wrong that thought was. It was my best friend's birthday, and I broke down. Crying. Screaming. Shaking. Mad at God (told him to get over it) and asking him to kill me.

He didn't.

He sent me a frog. (This was actually very sweet and personal to me; it makes more sense in context lol).

And then I yelled at him for being kind to me lol. "Stop being kind to me, I am trying to be mad at you!"

What I'm trying to say is it's not easy and I am so, so sorry I ever thought it was.

The thing is tho, many people (queer non christians; straight christians) think it is. "Oh why don't you just stop being Christian?" "Oh why don't you just stop being gay?" As if it's that easy.

To quote G.K. Chesterton, "A religion is not the church a man goes to but the cosmos he lives in". My religion is not my aesthetic or whatever; it's my cosmology. It is the way I understand all of reality and is not separate from any aspect of my life. I cannot stop being Christian or stop believing in Yahweh, the God of the Bible, any sooner than I can change my skin color. Or my sexuality.

That said I should say there are 4 main theological views on this:

Side A: Affirming. Side A is the position that homosexuality is not in conflict with Christianity and that homosexual relationships can be pleasing to God. Sex between homosexual partners is no more sinful than sex between heterosexual partners and gay people should be welcome in the church. Gay marriage is supported.

Side B: Chaste. The idea that being queer is not a sin, but that the bible clearly says that gay sex is iniquity. That said, there is nothing wrong with calling yourself gay; you just couldn't actually be in a relationship with someone ss.

Side X: Orientation Change. This is the "pray the gay away" crowd. Conversion therapy advocates. You need Jesus to fundamentally change you.

Side Y: New Identity. These people also believe that that it's not just homosexual sex that's sinful but any homosexual thoughts or feelings whatsoever, however involuntary. You must live in complete celibacy forever and cannot even call yourself gay.

I'm Side B. I think. I'm side b the way I'm bi which is to say most of the time lol. I have many Side A mutuals and I love and adore all of them. People who are Side B and Side A (in my experience) tend to be some of the best bible readers and the ones most interested in theology. Part of that lies in the fact that we have to constantly justify our faith and identity to practically everyone. Seriously. It is why i avoid talking about my sexuality to Christians, and my faith to nonbelievers.

Side X is literal heresy. Anyone who says that God hates someone is a heretic because God is Love. 1 John 4:8. To say that God hates someone is to say God isn't love which is to change God's identity which is heresy. (You will not find my theology slacking)

I find Side Y ridiculous at least to me personally. I'm gay; you're a Republican. One of those is definitely worse and it's not the former.

As such I also have a firm conviction that no one is going to hell for being gay. First: I don't believe in hell as the word is not even in the mother freaking Bible!!! The word is Gehenna which is an actual physical place south of Jerusalem and that fact has serious theological implications that people need to freaking consider and I could go on an entire rant about this, but I will not for the sake of my mental health. *takes some deep breaths* Where was I? Right. No one is going to hell for being gay; and no one is going to the New Jerusalem for being straight. That is no where in the scriptures. And when someone says I am a sinner who is going to hell for being gay I'm like 1) You obviously don't know me as nothing is more important to me then my faith and 2) I don't trust your exegesis of scripture and am not really interested in your take.

So... I tried and I don't even know if I answered your question well T-T. Summary I guess is:

It's freaking hard but what else am I going to do? My God emptied himself, became a human, and died the torturous death of a slave so *shrugs*

Hamartiology sucks. Not as a concept but as an obsession that some people have. Do Justice. Love Mercy. Walk Humbly. This should be someone's obsession, not whether some stranger is going to hell or not. No one goes to hell when they die. Please find me a bible verse that says that *rolls eyes*

God is love and to say otherwise is heresy.

Surround yourself with loving and passionate believers from many different backgrounds and learn their thoughts. Nothing has made me a better Christian than that.

So... yeah.

I am going to regret posting this; aren't I?

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

[quicktimeeventfull]

do you guys want to see how much work i put into editing these graphics. there is a cost:benefit analysis to be made and im not sure i’m on the right side of it but nonetheless. original version on the left (with a filter over the top ones so you can see what was removed), cleaned up version on the right.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Fake Voyager Episode: Tuvok gets kidnapped and forced to compete in an arena where telepaths fight one another to the death for a shot at fortune and prestige. He was initially kidnapped as 'fodder' - the aliens who run the arena will grab any telepathic alien they can find regardless of skill and they're essentially just there to be killed by flashier veterans of the bloodsport. The episode is mainly Tuvok showing off his tactical know-how and combat skills. We also get several flashbacks to him as a young man, learning how to fight both on Vulcan and in Starfleet. There's a concern that he will lose himself when forced into this seemingly endless battle, surrounded by violence, but in the end he prevails and manages to escape without killing a single person. He leaves the arena after giving a message of peace. Patreon | Ko-fi

Unnamed Goon: [Laughter] That puny 'Vuulcan' didn't land a single hit for all his bluster. Once I sealed his telepathic powers it was over! Huh huh huh… If I keep up this pace I should have him crushed beneath my fists in- What...? I can't move...? Tuvok: By now you have surely noticed it.

You are certainly a formidable opponent. Most would assume you to be a simple bruiser but that is not the case. You are a knowledgeable telepath - able to not only bolster your own physique but nullify the telepathic capabilities of your enemies.

However. You rely too much on one tactic and are too proud to allow yourself to look 'weak.' This was the ultimate cause of your ruination. While you gleefully battered my body about the field I was able to locate twenty two out of twenty four 'kobat sfek' on your body - points which will render you immobile for approximately…four minutes. More than enough time. It was a shrewd precaution to nullify my telepathic ability. However. I do not need them to best you in combat.

Even now, I am ten times stronger than you. Unnamed Goon: T-Ten...TEN TIMES!? [Imagining the sort of gruesome end that might await him, the unnamed Goon faints - leaving Tuvok the victor.]

[adhdo5]

ok i'm curious, what is this TGCFlike house divorce we've been hearing about?

-Terra

OK so play with me in this space: MDZS and TGCF are in many ways about the same things but their conclusions are almost opposite. Super briefly: Xiyao are doomed as hell in MDZS because MDZS is a story about among other things when decency is not enough to overcome the ways in which society is built, and how it fails. But TGCF is about the ways in which it can be. Xiyao cannot be happy together until the revolution and the revolution doesn't happen in MDZS's thematic paradigm but the end of TGCF it does – they deny the artificial divisions and calls to revenge that Jun Wu's heaven is built on and that gives them the power to win; gods and ghosts and beggars come together to build something new and start to forgive each other. The laundry of class disparity is resolved even

So my thesis is as follows: postcanon MDZS fixit straightforwardly doable by letting the world gently transmute into something like TGCF. This is not really a crossover as much as it is "this AU works on TGCF rules" but we DID recently mess around with letting Lan Xichen and the Shi siblings interact so maybe it is a crossover or maybe that isn't canon I don't know I haven't decided

But let us not forget that this AU is called house divorce and I'm constantly whining and also, crucially, TGCF has four books covering eight hundred years of abject misery. SO

Zewu-jun spent some years in meditative seclusion before finally emerging to take up his responsibilities again, wiser and more reserved than before; he led his sect, he cultivated, he was part of the effort to take down Nie Huaisang when the Nie cancellation hit, and in the slow twilight of the power of the jianghu his measured grace and surety and wisdom allowed him to pass his Heavenly Calamity and ascend to the status of the martial god possessed of all the virtues he once allowed his reprobate brothers to take credit for that many know and love to this day. If LQQ is here he's supplanted by Zewu-jun as the Martial God of the East or maybe they're different Easts idk if he's even here point is Gusu is obviously his place of power etc etc

(Lan Xichen spent years in what amounted to devastating clinical depression before, with a monumental effort and the support he did have and a lack of any other option and a desperate desire to not be Qingheng-jun 2, managing to let the snarl of love and care and responsibilityobligation drag him out of his room and slowly back into his duties as sect leader. His reputation recovers like how Jin Guangyao predicted years ago. He takes up the practice of folding his grief inside himself like he takes up Shuoyue again, with an almost physical pain, and he pretends very dutifully that being dutiful to this is something he believes he can do and tolerate, because of course it is, because what else is possibly there, because as harrowed as he is and as much as he has broken pretty much every rule on that wall he cares about them, cares about what they're meant to protect, this matters to him and if he's to have any say in where that bright paved road leads he must walk it; there's no third path)

He's very much on the martial god side of things rather than civil god; he's not a stranger to non-cultivator societal concerns obv and he has non-cultivator worshippers esp as the power of the great sects really declines but he is very much a cultivator god/of that society and worshipped as a cultivator warrior-noble etc etc. He's quite well-liked in the heavens and on earth; he's not really the top of the hierarchy but he's in the leaderboard, doesn't want for merits or lanterns or spiritual power and is generally possessed of a decent reputation if the subject of some envy even if Zewu-jun is a little bit withdrawn; they say he has been since he emerged from seclusion and he's pretty much always perfectly polite and functional. The picture of coping.

Anyway one day 200+ years postcanon he gets sent down to deal with something on the ground; this is possibly whatever NMJ has going on RN for plot economy but I'm still trying to figure out what NMJ's final role in this all is anyway. What I do know is LXC ends up in ghostly territory; once he realizes he is he's like Ah I'll just be surreptitious but he's yet quite quickly met with a clone that, with stiff movements like it's used to moving through debilitating pain but impeccable propriety and an unwavering smile, says that as the lord of this place he doesn't wish for any trouble with Heaven, and invites LXC to negotiate with the local official

Official?

The Ghostly Civil Palace is in fact styled after the heavenly palaces of civil gods. It's slightly more luxurious, but still tasteful and practical enough that it isn't ostentatious; it's large but ordered enough it's not sprawling; it's completely, desertedly empty, even the footsteps of the clone disappearing the second LXC takes his eyes off it once it leads him to the pavilion and dismisses itself

LXC has an impeccably polite and extremely reasonable and productive discussion with the disembodied voice of the Ghostly Civil Official, who is by all appearances pretty genuinely invested in ensuring the wellbeing of his domain and the dead in it and is also concerned about the thing LXC has been sent down to deal with, in this nice understated pavilion. There is a koi pond. There is a single tea setting.

It is against all advised practice to take food from ghosts but LXC is not inclined to be rude as hell to someone who has been nothing but genteel and helpful, even if that someone is a disembodied voice coming from everywhere and nowhere in an ethereal palace, and does in fact accept and praise the tea setting. It's nice tea

The Ghostly Official feels no ways about this unexpected courtesy and will be answering no questions at this time.

He doesn't know if he remembers something like it from when he was alive but spending 100 years as a fierce corpse will do that. It's very nice, and mostly he remembers his life as Jin Guangyao in the ways of raised undead – outlines of despair and rage and unfinished business. It was easier once, but having regained enough spiritual cognition to miss it makes it very much an inconvenience. Troublesome to only remember your own name, your mother, your death in agony. Perhaps remembering more people than the one man whose death haunted you the most would make the search for his mother's probably-desecrated remains more effective, but the outlines of resentment are certainly enough for him to sharply know that he's always been good at working from positions of few advantages

He's doing well enough for himself and has picked up further tasks along the way. The Ghost Realm has AWFUL infrastructure. He's implementing reforms. Well. Forms he's implementing forms. Just because one is dead doesn't mean that having no social safety net is a tenable state of affairs. There's ghost public transportation in his sphere of influence

Anyway as they recognize each other more and more they go more and more Wait. Hey. What the fuck. HEY

JGY recognizes Shuoyue before he recognizes LXC himself. Y'know how it is. They have to lose all hope and divorce 43 times. Return the favor wrt the homoerotic stabbing. LXC gripping the sink looking into the mirror like I'm NOT gay anymore I feel NO ways about how that clone smiles and I am NOT going to fuck that house

Other characters around:

NMJ has also recovered spiritual cognition though he's still very saberbrained and he's currently on a mission from his Nie ancestors to find and thrash some sense into his terrible AWOL little brother who drove their bloodline into the ground

COMPLETELY UNRELATEDLY JGY's social programs include awkward-encounters-with-people-from-your-past insurance and he's got a particular charge from there, a sect leader from ages past who's dodging the spirits of his ancestors, and he's a bit of a mess but he's fun enough company and JGY privately regards him as something like a friend. It's nice. He thinks vaguely he might've known someone like that in life

Wangxian are still around! They cultivated to immortality not in the god way just in the normal way and are Sanrening it up. Every day means every day! Not every day for a normal human lifespan! There's a lot of days in forever!

They are still in some contact with LXC! This is possibly the most genuine interpersonal relationship he has

I don't have roles for Song Lan & co. but I think they're also still around. Waiting in the wings as it were

Idk who the fuck is the heavenly emperor. Is it Jun Wu? Fuck if I know

Lmk if you want to see the LXC+Shiblings thoughts which may or may not be canon

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Anybody have les miserables art requests?

[susanaesono]

Stepping into the new and letting the old fade away embracing the change like it was always meant to be!

[vaguely-concerned]

I just finished padawan by kiersten white and had a blast with it -- it was exactly the kind of thing my brain craved this week, just some nice character study and adventure story stuff for my brain to chill in. thoughts:

a) I love obi-wan and his poor anxiety-ridden teenage self so so much. peak a delight to have in class to the point of nervous break representation, someone help him. local boy manages to become parentified child to an absent father somehow. that part where he's so afraid he's so bad and useless that the force itself might just decide it doesn't want him after all........ heartbreaking. that's exactly what I would have thought at sixteen too probably. (also my personal headcanon has always been that obi-wan is on the ace spectrum, so that was a very nice thing to find supported in this book! canon is vast and can support any number of stances that way honestly everyone should go hog wild with it in whatever manner they please, but that's always been my vibe)

b) qui-gon fucking jinn if you don't step up and do something to help the child in your charge with his ACTUAL DEBILITATING ANXIETY DISORDER RUNNING HIM RAGGED other than ask him to meditate so help me I will come over there and do maul's work for him ahead of time I swear to fucking god

c) no, really, it says some not very good things about qui-gon's mentorship abilities that obi-wan really only manages to grow and be calmer when he's outside of his influence. I know this book means you to come away with the feeling that obi-wan takes a big step towards enlightenment and adulthood on this trip (and I do think that's also true to be clear!), but there is a part of me that also thinks that just as much as personal and spiritual development what we're seeing here is an avoidant attachment style definitively entrenching itself as a result of having no adult that can be consistently trusted to meet him emotionally. (which also makes a horrible kind of sense, thinking about what obi-wan and anakin's relationship is going to be like in the future -- obi-wan is avoidant and self-contained when it comes to trying to deal with his emotions, and anakin skews far more anxious and towards lashing out, and they never quite understand each other for all the love that is there. you can trace that all the way back here. sins of the master, huh.) obi-wan finds some agency and catharsis in being able to help a group of abandoned children, you say. hm. I'm sure this means nothing and has no parallels in his own inner world. you let the kid think you'd completely abandoned him instead of communicating with him openly for like five minutes. For His Own Good of course. Wow I didn't realize I was this angry about this but here I am once again livid on obi-wan's behalf, actually. 'I'm an incredible teacher and this lack of honest emotional communication I'm fostering in favour of (benign!) manipulation is never going to come back and bite the jedi order in the ass, surely'; the qui-gon jinn story

[40cleverways]

Old B/7 doodles

[mudzdale]

what pokemon do you think kamal n boris would have :o? pkmn and sfm me beloved interests

hmmmMMm that is an EXCELLENT question... what i am thinking is:

boris found himself visited by various ghost types during his college years, where they sought to feed off his negative emotions. he rejected just about every one--he doesn't raise pokemon. he especially doesn't raise grass-types, but that doesn't mean just any pokemon will do.

...except for one very tenacious gastly. boris found Teefs to be exceedingly charismatic for his kind, and his ability to put others to sleep might come in handy.. someday..... (they're still buddies post-habitat, don't worry 😊 oh, and--don't worry about that unusual lilligant, either. like i said, boris doesn't raise grass types.)

-

kamal's current place of work is fancy enough to keep a few company-owned pokemon on hand, to help ease anxious clientele. they like to pair him with Sudsy the froakie, claiming that there's a "resemblance," but kamal doesn't really get it.

in his personal life, tho... i think we all know what kind of pokemon Mr. Bunnies66 favors (:

(he plans on applying for a scorbunny as a graduation gift to himself once he gets his doctorate. qualifying for a starter pokemon can be a pain for non-trainers, but he would love to have a running partner for his cycling hobby 😊)

[cloudsndreamsxo]

[marvogue]

pouka doodles! I love these little fellas ♥

+them separately to see them better

[masatos-wig]

like this guy.the star

(based on this post by artwheat)

[trevlad-sounds]

For The Birds 04

Intro 00:00 Mario Luciano, Lauren Santi-Lauren’s Astral Vision 00:11 arovane-Treut 01:28 Soft Passage-Radiant Dreams 03:33 MikeKSmith-Rain on the lines 06:39 Urban Meditation-Inner Circles 11:12 Beefus B-In Your Own Universe 14:40 Willebrant-Inlet III 19:49 Ruby Singh-Amrit Vela 29:38 CIALYN-GardenWall 37:05 Mitseliy-Blue Tape IV 39:35 Audio Obscura-Through Nuclear Skies 46:48 Outro

[magnoliamyrrh]

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