#medical abuse for ts

[whisperthatruns]

Hard Rock Returns to Prison from the Hospital for the Criminal Insane

Hard Rock / was / “known not to take no shit From nobody,” and he had the scars to prove it: Split purple lips, lumbed ears, welts above His yellow eyes, and one long scar that cut Across his temple and plowed through a thick Canopy of kinky hair. The WORD / was / that Hard Rock wasn’t a mean nigger Anymore, that the doctors had bored a hole in his head, Cut out part of his brain, and shot electricity Through the rest. When they brought Hard Rock back, Handcuffed and chained, he was turned loose, Like a freshly gelded stallion, to try his new status. And we all waited and watched, like a herd of sheep, To see if the WORD was true. As we waited we wrapped ourselves in the cloak Of his exploits: “Man, the last time, it took eight Screws to put him in the Hole.” “Yeah, remember when he Smacked the captain with his dinner tray?” “He set The record for time in the Hole—67 straight days!” “Ol Hard Rock! man, that’s one crazy nigger.” And then the jewel of a myth that Hard Rock had once bit A screw on the thumb and poisoned him with syphilitic spit. The testing came, to see if Hard Rock was really tame. A hillbilly called him a black son of a bitch And didn’t lose his teeth, a screw who knew Hard Rock From before shook him down and barked in his face. And Hard Rock did nothing. Just grinned and looked silly, His eyes empty like knot holes in a fence. And even after we discovered that it took Hard Rock Exactly 3 minutes to tell you his first name, We told ourselves that he had just wised up, Was being cool; but we could not fool ourselves for long, And we turned away, our eyes on the ground. Crushed. He had been our Destroyer, the doer of things We dreamed of doing but could not bring ourselves to do, The fears of years, like a biting whip, Had cut deep bloody grooves Across our backs.

Etheridge Knight (1931--1991), The Essential Etheridge Knight (University of Pittsburgh Press, 1986)

[oceanxveiined]

v; intertwined fates (genshin verse)

          Is there a word for a bad miracle?

          That is a question Danae often posed to herself in rare moments of idleness. In truth, she’s mulled it over more times than she’s cared to count and ultimately come to no real conclusion she’s found true satisfaction with. One thing was for certain though: her life was chock full of them.

           Danae's mother Morjena had been a vain, Natlan-born traveling songstress who primarily entertained at the local taverns, doing anything and everything she could to garner the attention and praises she so craved throughout her journeys. Danae's father had been a well-off, seafaring merchant by the name Sidon Ennosigaeus, who’d had his wandering eye drawn by the woman’s beauty and voice when they'd met at a tavern in Port Ormos. His favor had been Morgana’s greatest treasure, enough for most of the staff to grow increasingly fed up with her boasting and other prideful displays. And over time, it appeared her lover had too, the man having stayed only through his daughter’s first few couple years before up and abandoning them with scarcely a word in warning.

          That event had been quite the blow to Morjena’s pride and to her career–her resulting outburst in sheer rage in discovering she’d been abandoned had her losing her place as songstress and being chased from the town when her increasing antics and demands to see her former lover became too much for the people to stand. The pattern only continued and repeated each placed they’d flee to, pushing them further and further away from the Port where they could find him, and tarnishing the sterling reputation the woman once had. 

          With her fall from grace, it wasn’t long before Morjena’s resentment and wounded pride turned to a new target–her daughter.

          It was only by the grace of her father’s blood that Danae had not simply been abandoned or worse from the start; Morjena had held hopes that the child could be used to regain her lover’s favor, after all. Two years she’d waited, vainly hoping the man would come back for her ( Danae was his heir after all, Morjena told herself and Danae alike, he would be a FOOL to simply leave her behind ), but shortly after Danae’s fifth birthday, she’d had enough being patient.

          Taking matters into her own hands, Morjena would elect to force that of the gods, arrogantly declaring they would grant her child a Vision or they would bear the blood of an innocent on their hands, before she attempted to drown Danae herself.

          That day had been the first and last time Danae had ever prayed to the gods for her own sake. To be saved, as she kicked and fought to survive, the more water flooded her lungs and the tighter her mother’s grip on her grew. Her mother’s whims and promises no longer mattered, not with how terrified and desperate Danae had become in the face of the woman's cruelty and greed. And it sure as hell didn’t matter what happened or what she would have to give in return should the gods listen to them, so long as they lived.

           Oh, how desperately they wanted to live.

          And live she had, as her tunneling vision had settled upon something gleaming in the water before her, sinking amid bubbles just within reach. A bright gem that beckoned to be taken in hand ( maybe her mother would love her if she had it- ), and once she had done so…the next thing Danae knew, she was slumped against the edge of the basin, the water she’d been drowning in gone. The remnants of it were splattered across the room, her mother slumped against the cracked wall, as though having been blasted back.

          Against all reason, Danae had rushed to the woman, pleading for her to wake up, only to be wrapped into a tight embrace soon after jolting to consciousness.

“You truly are a little miracle, aren’t you?”

“Oh, how useful you will be.”

          Those had been the last of the truly gentle words her mother would ever offer, before Danae would come to regret her prayer for mercy. Because it only took a mere couple months after receiving her Vision that Danae was forced to train it.

          No proper tutor could have been sought for this, of course. If it weren’t for the fact that Morjena had grown to have quite the infamous reputation wherever she went, then it was the woman’s lack of ability to pay for one ( or was it that she just didn’t bother seeking one in the first place- ). And the fact that for some time, Mojena kept her daughter away from all human contact and isolated in a little place she’d come to make for them, prisoner in all sense but name, out of fear someone would take the child ( her little golden goose ) from her. Or that Danae herself would run away, even when Morjena had all but convinced the child the world outside their home was nothing but a cruel place. That this family, however harsh and painful may seem, was truly all she could trust and truly call her own. At least Morjena hurt her to make her stronger in the end. Those people would hurt her only to break her.

           As though the fact that Danae was still willing to do anything and everything to earn her mother’s love didn’t work just as well.

          So the child was forced to stay. Stay, use and overuse her Vision, to build up its and her own strength by defending their various isolated little homes from any threats that wandered too close, hilichurls and bandits alike. Sometimes even attacking and stealing from the occasional hapless civilian who happened to be unlucky enough to trespass. The child, being tasked with something so dangerous and near impossible, terrified to undertake it, even while her mother seemingly had full confidence she would be just fine.

          “You are blessed by the gods,” Morjena had once drawled, before shoving them out the door and locking them out. “You are untouchable. You’ll be fine. Do your duty.”

          Needless to say, the first few months had been the worst, with it being nothing short of dumb luck and a damn miracle that Danae hadn’t wound up dead. Or perhaps it had been her sheer determination to live that kept her going, even long after she’d had the tar beaten out of her, had been left discarded and strewn on the forest floor. In either case, she had thought of it nothing short of hell to keep going and at times even found herself questioning if it was even worth it to keep living, the way things were going. Even when she would ultimately, invariably, choose refuse to succumb there even still. Because her mother needed her. Because she wasn’t finished yet.

                              Because there had to be more for her to see.

          Back then, Danae had always ended each and every day making her way back home, near half-dead and exhausted, sobbing and pleading to unmoving ears to take care of her and make the pain go away. To never make her do it again.

          Yet she was still made to. Again, and again, and again, until she’d accepted her fate and her futile tears had long since dried. Again, and again, until she had finally found the right ways to get rid of the lot of trespassers. Ways learnt from the worst of the days and smart enough to minimize her injuries while working around her lack of true physical strength ( save her Hydro Vision ), growing increasingly cruel enough to make sure they suffered as much as she had ( knowing damn well by now they would do worse if given the chance ). To push through injuries she was never able to let heal with proper rest ( the effects of some which stayed with her even in her present day, burrowing aches in her body that ebbed and flared with an irritating lack of consistency ), having to learn to deal with the pain and hope she could keep it all together so they could heal on their own over time. Taking influence from the ways she watched the enemy fight and using it for herself to ruin them.

          Once she managed that, once she began to put herself in just the right headspace, the days would begin to go by a lot easier. It thankfully didn’t take too long before she established a decent rhythm and strategy.

          She had always been quite the fast learner after all.

          Still, every encounter only served to strengthen their mother’s lies. Every wound and break left for her to nurse with little to no proper care was marked proof of it all. That the world truly was full of only the most despicable of creatures, only ever going to HURT her should she let her guard down for an instant ( what her mother did hurt too, but only ever to HELP her, to make her STRONGER; she still RAISED her and gave her a home to come back to, after all- ). The maddening praise she received in coming home all bruised up and matted with blood each and every time only helped cement it further.

          Even so, it wouldn’t full shake Danae’s doubts that EVERYONE would be so. Surely there HAD to be nice people out in the world too…right?

          When Danae was around eight, the woman would one day abruptly return with a young boy, who Danae would be tasked with watching over without much of an explanation while the woman headed out. With trained, burning need to be useful to her mother, Danae had agreed, only for her resentment and the lessons taught to her to rear their ugly heads within the first hour of watching over the other child.

          Why SHOULD she care for the creature her mother brought? It was nothing like her, just some other human who came from the outside. Who wasn’t one of them.

          Why did her mother CARE for the damn thing’s well-being so much anyways? 

           So she attempted to drown the boy, hoping to be rid of him and return to her life as always. Surely her mother wouldn’t mind if she did. And hey, if the gods found him worth anything, perhaps they would grant him their blessing, just as she had been. Then, and only then, would she recognize the creature for certain, she decided.

           Only for the boy to be entirely different from how she’d been. The boy was far too eerily accepting of his fate, gazing at her with scarcely a struggle, even as she held him under, even as his last breaths seemingly bubbled out from his lips…

            …before Danae would wrench him back out out, frantically helping rid the water filling his lungs and ensuring he would be alright. And spend the rest of the time until Morjena returned, with the boy tucked protectively under her chin, a blanket wrapped as tight around him as her arms were. It was all she could offer, with her tongue too sharp for pretty, soft words and hands too rough for gentle pets and cupped faces; to offer naught but a silent, firm embrace that had her skin crawling with burning discomfort at every point of contact she would normally want nothing more than to cut away. But she never would. Not him. Not until the boy himself decided to squirm from her hold.

          She could never really say why it was that sight had triggered such a response. Perhaps it was the realization of just how much she’d made the boy suffer similarly to how she had, feeling some semblance of guilt for her actions for once in her life and wanting to make it up to him in any way she could. She was never one to do anything by short measures after all. Or perhaps it was his passive resignation in the face of death that had thrown her for a loop, made him stand out against each and every other being she’d tried to rid the world of that had done it. Compared to her, who would fight tooth and nail, even in the face of the most hopeless fight to stay alive. Perhaps that instilled her resolve to protect him, and ensure he lived too. 

          In any case, that moment would prove the start of a cycle of many wrongdoings and restitutions between the two. Where Danae would invariably hurt the boy–Mason, she’d named him–then move heaven, hell, and earth to make things right in the very same breath, one motion after the other. She, who had only ever been taught love by ruin, and he, who only knew it in the faintest impressions he could scarcely remember receiving from his parents before being taken. But it didn’t matter. They would make what they had work, a solace amid the misery they were trapped in for the foreseeable future.

          Especially when Danae came to realize that she’d been tricked. That the boy had only ever been meant as bait, to ensure she’d stay, all along.

          Mason was forbidden from ever stepping outside their home, watched vigilantly ( as if he would dare escape, what with his health being as fragile as it was ) as Morjena would allow Danae to venture further out, to seek more food and in turn take from others as many had tried to do to them. Morjena no longer needed to worry about Danae running away from her, not when Mason remained trapped at home with her. Thus, Danae was able to expand her reach for resources, and just as well too. Looting from the bandits she fought off within their territory only did so much for them, especially now with an extra mouth to feed. That, and, to ensure their current locations would not be so easily discovered whenever they’d settled, with all the havoc at her hand occurring near them, Danae was all the more relieved she could now move further still, closer to proper civilization to ideally steal better things for her family and make the people there miserable for a change.

           Risky as it was, it would be a far more fun way to pass the time, in addition to its practicality. Something to really test her skill and creativity. Who cared what that would mean for those people, anyways?

          It didn’t matter how kind, or at the very least unassuming, they all seemed–Danae knew better. Those people would sooner hurt than help her, case in point on days when she’d let herself be seen as a hungry child begging for attention and scraps to eat. If it weren’t the odd, burning stares she’d be given, it was the horrid way some people had tried to snatch at her with bruising grip, to take her prisoner and away from her family before she’d successfully fight her way out and flee. Assuming they didn’t try to kick or strike her away from them, like when she got sloppy in trying to pickpocket their fancy robes and bags. Like when she happened to brush by someone by sheer accident, a cry of curses and disparaging remarks following along with it.

          Of course, over time, Danae grew wiser and came to understand the world wasn’t as black and white as she’d been taught. Even with Morjena’s influence, all the time Danae spent out and about began to make clear that a lot of what the woman said were naught but lies. There were some good people among those bastards she encountered. The occasional older woman who dropped a bag or two of new clothes into her waiting hands after asking for her aid carrying something home. The odd tavern boss who’d send her right on her way with cooked fish and berries after offering her a job washing dishes. Mothers who sent their children to leave her extras of the fruit they’d bought. Suspicious at first, it delighted her to find and meet them. She even took to rewarding those she found in sparing them too much of a loss compared to others she targeted, after realizing she could encourage them to be useful to her over time if she invested in them just a little bit. 

          But the damage remained through and through, with her embittered enough to still resent others, even those decent few, for the good lives they’d been blessed with. To resent the gods who only allowed a lucky few that chance, who at times didn’t even deserve it. She was still apt to mistrust those good people she found, never giving them any more reach and insight to her than just enough to keep them satisfied, because sooner or later, one of them will show they’re not all the kind folk they’re cracked up to be, either to her face or through her own furtive observations. Sooner or later, she’ll find the very justification she’s looking for to treat them as she would anyone else and be done with them, to rid herself of one more attachment liability.

          Such a sentiment lead her to reject any real ( invasive, horribly invasive- ) aid offered to her, the few chances someone would choose to direct a kinder gaze to her whenever she’d head out to scout. At times when someone she began to work with would try to offer her anything, unprompted. It was all the same to her. She knew better than to accept any of that. Near nothing came without a price or some caveat, she was quite sure of it by now. And even if it did, the likelihood of such was far too low to even dare gamble on. Something had to be of benefit to that other, behind each little offer of kindness. And that something was NOT a price she figured she would ever want to pay. Nor could afford to owe.

          Perhaps taking their offers would have made her life easier. She wouldn’t deny she’d mulled over each one carefully enough to see the varying benefits that would be hers to claim, regardless of it all. But as it stood, and as she saw it, she could gain all she wanted from them without conforming to their terms nor owing them anything just fine. It was how she had always done things, after all

          Besides, it felt so much better to just take what she wanted, when she wanted anyways. Especially the more likely it was that she couldn’t have it otherwise.

          Truly, it was because of this that she understood why her mother delighted in using her own talents to get whatever she wanted while she still could. Why Danae continued to do so for herself and her family, even when there were other, at times easier, ways to go about it. There was something oh so satisfying about it, using one’s own means and efforts to achieve whatever they wanted. To show off what one was capable of and taunt those who couldn’t compare or were duped by them. In Danae’s case, her intelligence and power went hand in hand, utilized to her advantage each and every way she could muster. 

           And, oh, how she excelled.

          Viciously opportunistic, she cared not for thinking of what it meant for others whenever she furtively stole from them, pilfering money, deeds, and possessions overall to keep or pawn off, or even simply to start conflicts for a bit of amusement to pass the time. She didn’t mind gathering secrets of those she encountered, at first out of idle interest then eventually realizing the sheer merit of selling them at her convenience and the control she could hold over others with the right ones in her grasp. She didn’t mind having to get rid of a few choice people who got too damn close to the truth of what she did, either, or even those who were competition in trying to hurt the people around her.

          The latter happened to be Danae’s favorite case scenario. What better way to kill time than to do the very thing that brought her that sweet sense of power over others, while also keeping her territory nice and secure? …and okay, maybe in keeping those people she stole from safe, while she was at it.

          It was a sound investment, after all.

         Mason’s escape should have been a change for the better. And in a way it was.

         It was a foolish attempt, really. He had had enough of Morjena’s abuse as it was, but in overhearing she had made plans to marry Danae off to someone in a desperate bid to gain back a more comfortable life, he adamantly refused to stay in the house any longer. Especially if it meant Danae wouldn’t be there to look after him as always. Assuming he would still have a place there once she was gone.

         So in having having left to his own devices after he’d drugged Morjena using various ingredients he’d had Danae amass from previous outings, he finally gathered his belongings and gone out to find his sibling. Only to have a run in with hilichurls along the way, an attack that left him lethally wounded.

         They would have ended his life right then too, had Danae’s Vision not abruptly flashed the moment he’d been in danger and lead her to rush home in maddened worry. It was by this that she had been able to arrive just in time to save him, acting on instinct ( subconsciously guided by her Vision ) to find him and dispose of the hilichurls before they could end him.

          His wounds, however, still posed a lethal problem of their own, even with the initial threat gone. 

          Going back home wasn’t an option, not with Mason all but bleeding out ( not to mention Danae’s panic severely impacted her decisions ), so Danae had chosen to betray the very rule she’d set for herself, frantically bringing him towards Sumeru City after wrapping his wounds the best she could . She went as far as to resort to begging someone to help them, anyone she encountered at all regardless of what it could cost her. A scholar of the Amurta Darshan named Chang Da'Lun had been the one who had offered them aid in the end, bringing them to Bimarstan and managing to help save Mason, even as the boy had drifted precariously between life and death the two weeks it took him to recover.

          To this day, Danae still considers herself in great debt to him. Both in having saved her beloved brother’s life ( even if the incident had ultimately still cost him his legs ) and opening her eyes to the possibility of enrolling in the Akademiya.

          It was the perfect opportunity and a light of hope in her eyes. A way Danae could ensure she and her younger brother would be better off than before, and stay that way. And who knew, perhaps she could even manage to develop reputation enough to have her name on every tongue in Teyvat. Wouldn’t that be a sweet turnout?

         Perhaps the thought was overly ambitious, and overwhelmingly so at that, but the thought had been enough to motivate Danae to plead their case to the scholar. To push, prod, and goad him to assist her in catching up on much needed education. To give her his aid in enrolling in the Akademiya, not to mention getting the man to help embellish herself as older and far more educated than she truly was, and maintain the lie as she would take on the rigorous path of graduation. She didn’t mind having to beg him to as much as she would have everyone else, nor worry about what promises she would have to make when he finally caved and offered to write a contract between them to ensure a 'fair deal'. 

          Who cared what he could possibly want of her, when this was exactly the right break she needed?

          After learning more of the Akademiya, the sects of Kshahrewar and Amurta immediately caught Danae’s interest the most. One for its focus on technology and the other for being the one Da'Lun belonged to and thus ideally easier to pick up. Thusly, she took trying to learn of both at once to see what stuck best, no matter how frustratingly difficult it was at first. Balancing the teachings, having to pick up new languages in the process, increasing her own literacy past that which her mother had given her–and that was without mentioning maintaining her previous tasks to steal and earn money for herself and her brother ( both for their personal spending and to blow off steam ) throughout all of it. And helping educate her brother alongside herself, so that he too may join the Akademiya once he reached the apt age.

          But even with the crammed-to-all-hell schedule and constant frustration she faced, Danae was nothing if not maddeningly determined to succeed. By the time her eighteenth birthday rolled around three years later, she had been arrogantly certain enough in her capabilities to even try her hand at submitting a thesis.

          But then came the big question: What to conduct her research on?

          The Akademiya was already so strict on their do’s and don'ts AND what they deemed a passable thesis. Not to mention the very field she otherwise found most intriguing of all–the study of mechanical lifeforms–was forbidden. But even still, she was undeterred, rather more intent than ever to excel at her research and SHOW what she was capable of. All the praises she'd garnered over the years weren't enough, she needed to show more and more people what she could do, show the very sages she could be one of the greatest scholars to ever walk the Akademiya's halls.

          Ultimately, Danae had come up with the idea of attempting to research into fashioning better, more practical prosthetics for her brother to use, after seeing him deal with issues on those he already had. He needed something that would be more lightweight yet strong enough to withstand any activity without risking as much breakage, while also lessening or otherwise ridding him of discomfort, and more. Surely that would be worthy of recognition, right? Especially when so many other people needed them, too, and could find use in her improved designs. It was perfect!

          Wrong.

          Wrong, the nagging, prideful voice in her head had said.

          It wasn’t special enough to stand out. Something so...so mundane and uncreative, too simple. It didn’t matter if it was a useful idea or not, it wasn’t ENOUGH. Useful didn't cut it when it came to the extraordinary findings of the other Darshans and her fellow scholars. If she settled like this, their theses would surely put hers to shame, and show all just how worthless she was.

                                                No. Not allowed. Try again.

          So she shelved her idea, throwing herself back into her studies again, this time for inspiration rather than simply achievement. And took up a hobby toying with the animals Da'Lun had been studying, the man cashing in the favor she promised him in their contract to get her to help him with his own thesis ( getting her to take a break from her constant pouring over her work, she’d belatedly realized far later, the nerve of him- ). The whole ordeal became rather tedious, with so much heaping up onto her all ar once when her precious time was running out, and her own impending burnout lack of progress being a constant source of frustration.

         It was far from entirely unpleasant though. Even while Da'Lun had added to her workload and stress, he likewise wholeheartedly agreed the Akademiya’s strictness with knowledge and research was all-too stifling. As per their contract, he even helped provide materials she needed, for reading and tinkering alike whenever she went to assist him. But best of all, he even admitted he dabbled in something of a forbidden subject in his free time, which he had elected to share with her as a bonus for her continued aid. She was more than happy to indulge him, her attention having been piqued enough to stave her annoyance in being kept from her tasks. And in being able to have this to hold over his head, a nice little bit of blackmail should she ever need to pull that thread. Sue her, an opportunity was an opportunity.

          However was in toying with the man’s Electro Vision and him showing her how a little burst of its energy could cause the legs of even a dead frog to move, that Danae had happened to find her inspiration.

          She’d wasted no time in abandoning the little experiment in favor writing down her new idea: What if Electro energy could be harnessed to connect a prosthetic to its owner, and far more permanently? Could it be used to ensure the false limb was every bit as functional as its owner’s true body and be a more suitable replacement than the simple ordinary ones? Surely the Sages couldn’t complain it violated any of the Akademiya’s rules–it wouldn’t be a thesis dealing with the potential of mechanical lifeforms, even while it skirted the line. The lifeform in question would be at least 90% human, after all!

          Of course, even with that progress, she wasn’t put of the woods yet. With the idea now settled, then it would be a matter of testing it. To ensure it would WORK, and whatnot. Research worth its salt had sufficient enough weight to it, and the more she could give hers, the better she would look in the eyes of the Sages.

          Even if things had gotten a bit tricky from there. At first, it was that procuring someone willing to help her test just that was hard to come by ( or at least, she had thought so at the time ). She did use various animals at first, alive and dead, that had been a decent start. Up until the thought had hit: Animals could only be so effective. Because who KNEW if the differences between them and humans could screw up her results? And while she had quickly found a workaround to this in using the Treasure Hoarders she so loathed as new subjects, a new problem arose in how it became increasingly tedious to ensure the Matra never once grew privy to her endeavors. In having to continuously sneak out with Da'Lun ( involving himself into her mess out of some sense of responsibility? Or perhaps he had wanted to see what could come out of it all ) time and time again, needing to grow increasingly creative with the ways they’d divert the Matra’s attention every so often, when needed. It was troublesome, but what else could she do?

          She couldn’t just keep the vagrants she used on Akademiya grounds, now could she?

          And even while a steady flow of threats and false promises were supposed to keep them quiet and complacent, it wasn’t like she could afford the risk if any of those brigands happened to recognize who they were in particular and their current affiliation. Especially should they somehow escape and flee somewhere. Still, on top of all the stress of managing that and then trying to keep them alive, even with how dangerous the continuous unfettered exposure to the Vision’s energy and Danae’s increasingly maddened demands to keep pushing them when she didn’t immediately get her desired results, it seemed each attempt was met with failure every time. Some attempts being closer to success than others, but still failure nonetheless.

          And, oh, how she did not take well to her work’s shortcomings. Her pride could only handle so many blows before even Da'Lun would grow worried and disturbed enough to start having second thoughts aiding her. Especially with each explosive outburst she would have and each near frenzied demand to push their subjects to the very brink in favor of progress that ultimately fell in vain. She was running out of options and they both were quickly running out of patience.

          Then came the twist.

          Perhaps it had been sleep deprivation and increasing maddened desperation that truly set her off. Perhaps it had been an abrupt epiphany, struck at the break of dawn within the still face of her latest subject as a curious lizard scuttled past it.

          In any case, a new idea had come to her: What if rather than needing prosthetics to help someone who required them in the first place…the person could simply regrow the lost limb back?

          Perhaps it wasn’t a prosthetic they needed to connect to a human, after all. Perhaps what was truly needed, was the very creature who had regenerative capabilities. To merge something of the two, or even a better regenerative source, and create a more ideal human in the process. A human who would be able to heal themself, without any need of a Vision. Who could recover from near mortal wounds without a care and without needing to depend on another without assistance, maybe even gaining a boost in strength as well.

           Was there a way to forge such a being? Well, now she just had to find out for herself. Especially if the result wound end up being effective enough to not only be of use to her brother, but to others who could make use of such abilities, overall. To her personal usage, as well.

           She was the one constantly fighting and getting wounded, after all.

          It was ludicrous, absolutely madness. Da'Lun had called it such ( but not outright condemned it, she’d wryly noted ), and she knew it too. But Danae grew increasingly enraptured by the idea, and her heart was fully set on realizing it, no matter how impossible and outright insane it was as a whole. It was by sheer virtue of Da'Lun’s morbid curiosity regarding her utterly frenzied proposal and state of mind that he hadn’t up and abandoned her in the face of it, more so sold her out.

          So from that point, rather than dealing with people again, Danae spent whatever waking hours she could spare ( and even some she normally wouldn't ) perusing the learnings of biology and technology for scraps of ways this could be enacted. Seeking out even Spantamad research to see if it could help. All that information gathering took priority over trial and error now, no stone left unturned. She WOULD have this all figured out before turning to that phase again. No matter the roadblocks, Danae kept looking. Toying with the ideas of using Electro energy to do so again ( with Da'Lun’s aid or even using Electro crystals as her source for when he would off to work on his own thesis ), or even daring to see if alchemy could successfully manage the job once she'd come across the subject anew. The latter seemed most promising, the more she’d learn of it, even gaining new ideas on how to go about creating the chimeric being she envisioned as she looked for the proper methods.

          That, she tested with little creatures to start after she figured she had a decent enough grasp on it. Each resulted once more in varying degrees of–but still definitely–failure ( they weren’t her desired result after all, no matter how interesting the other changes and effects turned out ), but she was still obsessed enough with her work that she didn’t care. There was finally more progress, however small. She just needed them to maintain their original forms as cleanly as possible. Not to mention, to make sure they stayed alive after she'd finished, too. But that was fine. She could handle that, now that she had clearer method in mind.

          Her hubris proved enough of a motivation as it was, too, for that matter ( or was it in fact what was depriving her of all reason now? ).

          Thoughts would spring forth with each new trial, with her growing excitement. As she would try newer, more successful means to get ever closer to that elusive solution to her work. Could the gods even be capable of managing such a feat? Of instilling it upon another? If so, she would find out the way how soon enough, to partake in the secret they so selfishly kept to themselves. If not…

          Well–then she would happily boast being far greater than the gods themselves in no time.

          However careful she had been, Danae’s research would inevitably come to an end in being caught by the Sages, having recklessly attempted to seek out the knowledge forbidden by the Sages in her obsession determination to leave not a single trace of potentially useful research untouched. Thankfully enough with Da'Lun having been elsewhere and thus free of blame ( who knew what he would have demanded she do to spare him their wrath ), but not enough to prevent her from being dragged before the Sages and met with a demand to explain herself.

          And explain herself she had, quite eagerly detailing her journey from reaching her hypothesis to the the lengths she’d gone to research it now that she had the audience she wanted ( generously leaving out Da'Lun throughout telling it ), of the more recent developments and how close she felt certain she was to a major breakthrough. It was perhaps a bit too early on in the stages of her research to be as impressive as she would have liked, but she was still quite proud to share what she had thus far, eager for feedback and perhaps even daring to hope to be pointed towards the right material that could aid her.

          Only for it to be a vain one, being met with horror rather than awe, her voice trailing off as she’d come to realize this. Horror, naught but stunned silence and revulsion, rather than the pride she had been showered in times before, the praises and lauds she received with her swift advances in learning and dedication to her studies as a whole. Every bright little thing given to her sapped by the darkness clouding their eyes and the cold curling of their lips at her work.

          Danae didn’t need to hear any more of their foolish prattling to know they were to condemn her now.

          It really shouldn't have been such a shock. Nor should it have stung as much as it did. She knew damn well her little endeavors crossed a line. Several, in fact. Now, and maybe even had for some time, with her having ignored it all along in her arrogant belief that she would be an exception once her research bore fruit.

          But now?

          Well, it was quite clear that however dedicated and determined she was, however much she had been told she embodied the values of the Akademiya by her teachers before, the project definitely become something they could not ignore. How could they? With the blatant violations of the Akademiya’s rules regarding interference with human evolution, tampering with life and death, and attempting the forbidden and fearing none.

          Were she not so devastated, she might have felt great pride in that last one. In the way their attention rested upon her, and her alone, her work something undeniable and enough to shake them to their very cores.

           It was everything she'd always wanted, however achieved in the worst ways possible.

          So instead of giving them the satisfaction of condemning her and ending her work, she used her Vision to escape without letting them get in a further word in edgewise. She fought off those who tried to apprehend her and fled to meet with her brother one last time. Carefully ensuring to throw off any tails on her beforehand for his safety, of course.

          Perhaps it was a risky move, considering even her efforts may not be successful, but she would do so anyways. She refused to leave without first saying a swift goodbye, to bequeath Mason all they had before heading off, and encouraging him to follow their plan and join the Akademiya for the prestige and opportunities they could provide. Promising to keep in touch and keep providing for him from afar, Danae would then plant a quick message for Da'Lun to find to ensure he knew her debt to him would still be repaid ( he earned enough of her respect to not be shirked off so easily; plus they had a contract to honor, after all ), and soon after leave Sumeru City. From there, she would head into the forest to ideally lose her pursuers for good and begin her journey anew.

          She had absolutely no real plan nor the means to come up with one from the moment she’d left the city. But one thing was for certain, her research had to continue. Only once she produced sufficient results would she be welcomed back to the Akademiya, she was sure of it. Or better yet, once she produced said sufficient results, she would shove it all in their damn faces and PROVE just how truly great she was and how damn fucking wrong they were to try and stop her.

          Amid her travels across Sumeru and avoiding any potential authority as a just in case measure, Danae would stumble briefly across her father at Port Ormos. She knew enough of him to identify the man ( amid her own murky memories and wrinkled portraits her mother kept ), and pick him out amid the crowd. Enough to feel a surge of anger enough within her to impulsively fly at him in rage, in attempt to kill him even when every shred of logic in her knew this was the Wrong Decision. Anger enough to inadvertently have been foolish enough to end up subdued and caught, far too easily and swiftly to really bruise her pride.

          But rather than let her be taken away and imprisoned, the man had in fact chosen something far worse:

          To give order for her to be let go.

          Let go, because as he saw it, she wasn’t truly 'all that much of a threat’. Nothing more than a mere child throwing a tantrum, no one truly worth making a huge fuss over. HE certainly wouldn’t, that would just be encouraging her. 

          Danae would find herself dumbstruck as he would give a final dismissive wave, then grow far more enraged as the words sank in while she was dragged from the Port and thrown onto the nearest path at its outskirts.

          How dare he.

          How DARE he act like she meant absolutely nothing to him. She knew damn well he’d recognized her, the look in his eyes had been enough of a tell!

          So what had been the damn problem?

          Was she truly not worth his recognition? Was that what his whole spiel genuinely been about?

          The fire set alight when she’d been spurned at the Akademiya burned all the brighter, and all the more painfully too the more she thought it over. The more each and every little thing her mother had done to forge her into someone that man could deign to look at crumbled in worth and made her truly realize how futile it all had been. 

                                   What had her life even been FOR then?

          It was fine, though. Fine, just FINE. Who needed his recognition anyways? She was on the right track to discovering something BRILLIANT as it was, meanwhile he remained the same all those years. A greedy bastard not even worth thinking of ever again. Surely once she succeeded, he would come crawling right back and BEG for her attention and favor. Beg for forgiveness and grovel beneath her, like the damn insect he was.

          Right! And if that’s how he wanted to play, for that matter, she wouldn’t give a damn about him from here on out until then. Not a single one.

           …starting right after she set his precious little merchant ship to burn.

          She was nineteen by the time she’d joined the Fatui, having encountered a couple officials in her stint through Liyue.

          Her very principles would normally have her avoid accepting their invitation to join up, however a few choice words of theirs had managed to pique her interest. About how the Fatui could help her achieve andy and all of her goals, that they were far more of an open-minded organization than others she will ever encounter, among other things. So much so, she had to wonder if they were spoken deliberately to catch her attention, or if they were just That Good. Which WOULD be suspicious in and of itself, in all honesty. WAS, with how insistent they were, for that matter.

          Did news of what had happened back at the Akademiya reach them? Or was that a lucky guess?

          Still, those words been effective enough to pique her interest and thus allow them the chance to bring her to the Fatui, in spite of her reservations. Later on, she would have to wonder of she had been any close to winding up fodder for an experiment herself had she not she brought up what had transpired at the Akademiya and the reason she’d wanted in on the Fatui. That maybe with them, she might be able to get the results she needed.

          Perhaps that was why she would wind up under The Doctor, assigned to assist him in his own work. To witness his experiments firsthand and even allowed to be assigned time to enact her own research as she saw fit under his direction once she had proven herself capable enough. And damned she’ll be if she let another think her anything but. And, sure, he was rather condescending and terse with her, as with all the others, but she refused to let that stifle her efforts. It wasn’t like she was unused to that sort of regard, after all. And, hey, so long as the pay remained good and she continued to have the opportunity to witness and partake research the Akademiya wouldn’t have ever dreamed of enacting nor offering her, she’d consider it an even trade.

          It took plenty effort on her part, both in work and carefully navigating her way to stay in Dottore’s good graces, but soon she had been finally able to earn herself the right to conduct her own independent mission, to put her previous research back into her personal priority at Dottore’s request. To see if her work could truly contribute something worthwhile to his. Stationed in Inazuma for a spell, she could not only get her fill of new materials to work with and have an important role to manage under Dottore, she now had plenty new subjects with which to conduct her experiments with, too. Both those brought over with them and those she'd been tasked with subduing or managing to talk her way into deceiving and luring them in. Which was…different from how she did things before, but she supposed she didn’t have the luxury of trying to bring that up now. Nor really be able to complain, considering how much easier it was to acquire their needed subjects, compared to before. Especially with the Tenryou Commission under the Fatui's thumb.

          And, sure, she didn't have to take care of that part personally now either, of course. She could very just have someone send them to her ( even if she LOATHED having to ask for help, especially to give off the wrong idea that she would be open to any sort of camaraderie around here–both out of personal preference and outright awkwardness making her want to avoid taking on something like that ). But more than anything, she still very much liked and preferred being able to fight and take what she wanted she her own hands. And maybe this new manner of going about things did satiate her need for control and power over others, which was quite the nice bonus.

        Overall, sure, she may be relying on the Fatui for the most part now, but at the very least this, she could manage on her own. Never racking up and owing any more debt than she needed to, as always.

          In watching The Doctor's experiments and of what she could discern using her own information, she really did make some more progress towards alchemical splicing. More than what she could at the Akademiya, what with their restriction on knowledge and such. Confirming that that form of alchemy was indeed increasingly better suited for her purposes than simply toying with Electro energy like before. Only now she was aware that for what she wanted, she just needed to find the right materials to ensure she got more adequate results. Even better now she had more of them at her disposal than before to boot! All making a plethora of interesting reactions happen, to her delight. Not quite the ones she was looking for, but interesting ones nonetheless. And ones she didn’t have to disregard, because every little bit counted now.

          Still, it wasn’t long before she hit another roadblock.

          Nothing she did seemed to make much for decent progress to her ultimate goal, even when taking to attempting to mess with subjects the way she’d seen The Doctor do. He was able to get all sorts of results he actually wanted, why couldn’t she? He couldn’t possibly be that much more clever than her! ( then again, she couldn’t access the same materials nor exact procedure he had just as easily ). In any case, it frustrated her to no end.

         Especially when a subject she'd unconsciously started to grow close to began to plant doubts in her mind if what she wanted to achieve really was better than her original goal of an improved invention. If people would truly want such a thing for themselves.

           The worst part? Danae herself even began to wonder the same exact thing, after a secret outing with her brought her an odd feeling of accomplishment when the subject had used an invention she'd made for her on a whim. After learning more about the subject's life abd tge girl's own pride and contentment of herself as she was. But that...wouldn't that mean Danae was wrong after all? No, that couldn't be!

           Seriously...why now was this all happening?

          She was so close to making a breakthrough. She close to achieving her goal ( for her brother’s sake, she’d nearly forgotten why she had done this in the first place- ), but she was still MISSING something important, is all. Simply trying and combining different resources could eventually get what she wanted, statistically speaking, but there HAD to be a better way. Something new that could really pick things up.

          A new lead was exactly what she needed, and preferably FAST, before her frustration would start to get the better of her all over again. Before her little friend got too deep under her skin and thoroughly changed her mind about her endeavors altogether.

           Before the Doctor took note of her lack of true progress and did something about it ( and after seeing how he dealt with her fellow subordinates that fell short of their marks…yeah, she could NOT allow that ). Well, assuming he cared enough about what she did. But did she REALLY want to take that risk? 

          Her search for a new lead would eventually draw her to the Abyss Order.

          It wasn’t like she hadn’t heard of them before. Odd tales followed Abyss Mage sighting and the stranger loyalties hilichurls would give them. Whispers about harrowing creatures even more powerful than the mages themselves that were said to reside deep in Liyue and one she knew only the faintest of legends from deeper still in the Sumeru desert. They were all things she'd chalked up to superstition, nothing more. But in hearing of them anew in her time of need, of hearing certain rumors regarding them ( from Fatui she passed, that lingered near and often enough ) and brief observations following that of odd scripts floating amid their campfires and the things a slain mage would leave behind, the fresh thought had sparked a new, stronger interest within her. More so after hearing tales of harrowing abyssal monsters that had invaded and still lingered in Inazuma, and having the displeasure of witnessing and slaying a rifthound firsthand. But even with that...well, her interest had certainly been piqued.

         Could there be something about the Mages or something of theirs that may help? That could perhaps be the missing pieces she needed? Could they have the procedure she was looking for, and provide more certain success?

          Better yet...how much of their strange magicks could she learn and use for herself? 

        Of course, as it stood, she would be limited in trying to access them. If not by orders and a set duty to fulfill she couldn’t just shirk off so easily ( just how willing to give her everything she wanted about the Abyss mages would the Fatui be? ), then in the fact that, even choosing to do what she wanted anyways, it may take time to gather sufficient enough data and manage it as she needed. And that time may very well be limited, whisps of sand dribbling to the bottom of the hourglass faster than she would want. It was a less than ideal situation, and one she knew was bound to end messily one way or another.

          And with how suffocating her association with the Fatui had begun to be, Danae would ultimately decide her best option was to gather as much of the their information as she possibly could then elect to break her ties with the them in the most surefire was she could.

           By causing a violent uproar in the facility from where she worked and making it seem as though she’d vanished and/or died in the chaos.

          Danae wasn’t all too confident–no, arrogant as she was, she wasn’t that much so–it would work in the long term. It would honestly be a surprise if it truly did. But hey, so long as she had a decent enough head start to escape her former workplace, well, that was good enough for her.

          Good enough to put some distance while she survived the perilous, nigh impossible trip back towards Liyue, then working her way towards Mondstadt. Good enough to put her newfound freedom to real use in gathering every bit of information she could find. In seeking out the Abyss Mage sightings especially, for a start. Perhaps they could provide something for her while also helping keep her away from the places she’d last had connection to.

          And sure, random encounters with fellow Fatui along the way would be inevitable. She knew that all too well, but they were of little consequence. So long as she dispatched them, and permanently, it should be fine. Not like she couldn’t handle them ( nor be too sore over having to deal with them, not like she made terribly many friends while with the Fatui if at all, anyway ), she would be just fine.

          Eventually, she had come to find a nice, cushy place to crash while in Mondstadt too, full of individuals who were far more of a rag-tag group than the Fatui were, and far less demanding too. Vagrants and runaways just like her, who welcomed her with open arms and offered her a place to stay for nothing but completion of tasks she found rather nostalgic.

          It was a good new start, she would admit. And maybe she did like the arrangements she made with them a little more than she’d expected. Not that she trusted any of them any more than she trusted the Fatui right away even still, but hey, they were at least better than them in many a regard. Like how they had no problems with her intentions NOR cared to bother her with theirs either, allowing more freedom than any others had ever offered her before to do what she wanted, when she wanted, even the tasks they set for her. And dare she say, even found genuine ways to worm their way into her good graces enough to gain her assistance in their goals as well as being allowed to partake in hers, once a proper negotiation of mutual benefits was drawn ( finally, something she could feel more comfortable accepting than unconditional aid ).

        The fact that would hardly bat an eye at the sort of methods she tended to use for anything and everything at all, even agreeing with her proposals was one more point in their favor. Especially when they came up with ways to add onto her own, and somehow make what she’d thought was brilliant enough far more. Even when their additions tended to cause more mayhem and trouble for others, but really, did any only them really have a qualm that it did?

                                                   Absolutely not.

         They were people who understood her and saw her true value, in ways most others hadn’t before. How could she not love this and what to keep it now?

          At long last, things seemed to be going perfectly according to plan. Perhaps a bit too much so for her comfort, if she were being honest. But considering the alternative, ideally enough, they would stay that way. Knowing her luck, it probably wouldn’t for long, but she didn’t mind. Not too much anyways, even as she would steel herself for whatever trouble may brew in her horizon.

          So long as she had enough luck to work in her favor, she could handle anything. Including any more of the little hiccups she’s grown so accustomed to.

          Hopefully.

Additional Notes: 1 2 3 4

[honeybubbledivination]

What Does Your Higher Self Want You To Know? ✨🐝

[tw!!. mentions of sexual situations for a pile, mentions of trauma and possibly abusive situations. Please use your own discretion and discernment!!!]

Hey, hey!!! Thank you for your patience for this reading! Honestly, had some procrastination moments and had some things come up, so it took me a little longer than usual! I have a few disclaimers for this one because it gets a little heavy in some of the piles.

Make sure if you are leaving an abusive situation that you are doing things the safe way. I don’t know details of specific situations, but please make sure that you’re doing things in a way that keeps you as safe as you can be. There’s nuance to every situation and I’m not an expert to your life. I’m just a 22 year old young woman on the internet. Reach out to your community for help if you can. Be safe! I am not a professional nor do I offer legal or medical advice! I just interpret cards! Thank you! ✨🐝

[Sacred Light Oracle’ by Anna Stark and Selena Moon are the cards featured below to represent the piles!]

Pile one: Cathedral of Light

Forever & Always - TS TV

Snow On The Beach - TS feat Lana Del Rey

Mamushi - Megan Thee Stallion feat Yuki Chiba

Do I Make You Nervous? - Lilyisthatyou

‘The Wild Unknown: Archetypes’ by Kim Krans: The Vessel, The Self, The Orphan, The Ocean, The Queen, The Bridge, The Box, The Empty Room, The Shadow

‘White Ligh Oracle’ by Alana Fairchild and A. Andrew Gonzalez: Seraph of 963Hz, Tantra of 639

‘Tarot of The Divine’ by Yoshi Yoshitani: 2oP, KoW Rx, KnoW Rx, 6oC, 3oC, 4oS Rx, 6oP, 5oP, 1oC, The Hermit, KnoP, Temperance, The Moon, 3oW, The World, The Star Rx, 3oS, 1oP, The Fool, 4oC, QoW

Welcome to your reading, Pile One! I have an inkling you’re a returning bee! Or, if you’re just seeing this, go check out my other pac readings to see if they resonate with you! I feel light right now you’re a little in your shadow. The energy of the highest self that came to me for this section of the collective is very light and airy, but I can feel the depth under the surface. You may be a water sign or have prominent water placements (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) as well as Libra placements. Also, three, six, and nine may be significant. You’ve been struggling with letting a certain manipulative energy go. I wouldn’t say they’re masculine or feminine because I feel like they’re really just a narcissist and they aren’t aligning with anything specific because that would limit how they can utilize control. They’re manipulative, thinks with the wrong head, and drains your wallet. I see you’re still focused on what could be versus what is. Your shadow is there to protect you and help you blend into ‘darker’ energies, but I don’t feel like I’m talking to someone of ‘dark’ energy or anything like that. You’re not a bad person for being a little spiteful or petty, but your higher self is asking you to let go of this energy that’s holding you back and step into a period of color. Bridge the gap within yourself and realize while being human is complex, respecting yourself is not. One message that stood out to me was from the ‘White Light Oracle’. “This oracle brings a message straight from the Divine to you: Let me love you.” Let your higher self love you. Who cares if you’re single or have to leave friends or family behind? When you have yourself, you’re not alone. You are one person who can’t abandon you, so focus on being creative and getting your bag! I hope this brings the final confirmation that you needed! Be good to yourself and invest in YOU! No more energy vampires, no more wasting time on idiots! Be kind and patient to yourself and find ways to heal and get what you need out of this life! If I pull on this energy again, I better see improvements! (Just kidding, but I really do hope that if you resonate with this and you relate to my previous readings with these themes, I sincerely hope you find peace within yourself and your life. You deserve to be happy and not have to feel like you’re constantly defending yourself and your actions. Especially since you haven’t done anything wrong. 🫶🏻). Please stay safe as for some of you I feel like this situation is really, really toxic. Make sure you have all of your bases covered and move with caution! This isn’t for everyone, but for some of you I felt like you needed to know that you’re seen and heard by God and you’ll get through this with a little tactfulness, faith, and patience. You will get through this! Love and Light, busy bee!!!

- Bunny 💛🍯

Pile Two: Cosmic Gateway

The Prophecy - TS

Slither - Metallica

In Between - Gracie Abrams

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - TS

‘The Wild Unknown: Archetypes’ by Kim Krans: Alethia,The Underworld, The Vision, The Mask, Kairos, The Cave, Gnosis. The Sustainer, The Pilgrim, The Self, The Queen, The King, The Lover, The Kiss, Agape, The Heart, The Flame, The Threshold

‘White Ligh Oracle’ by Alana Fairchild and A. Andrew Gonzalez: Spirit Bear of 396Hz, Dvara Patra

‘Tarot of The Divine’ by Yoshi Yoshitani: 3oS Rx, The tower Rx, the devil rx, 10oS, KoS, PgoP Rx, KnoW rx, The magician Rx, 7oP, 5oS, 8oP, 8oS, 4oP, 2oP, The Wheel of Fortune, 3oC Rx, The Moon, 4oS Rx, QoW, KoP, Judgement, KnoC, Death, The Star

Pile Two! Welcome! This collective’s higher self spoke of overcoming a lot of pain, grief and now coping with loneliness as you navigate a new chapter of your life. I see that you’ve spent a lot of your life being forced to believe that you’re less than what you truly are. You’ve had people come in and out of your life and always assumed that the only common denominator is you, so that means you’re the problem. You aren’t. I wouldn’t say that on a whim because accountability for your actions is the base of being a decent human, but it feels like everytime you mess up you take responsibility for it. You own up to what you’ve done and you try to make amends I see that recently, there was a situation with a longtime friend where you had to finally put your foot down. They were purposefully putting you down and blocking what is rightfully yours (manifestations and things that are divinely yours). Heavy on the leech energy. You may have never been in a relationship or only have had kinda halfway relationships (situationships, friendships with unclear boundaries). Or you just overly romanticize toxic situations and relationships due to your upbringing and have no real concept of a healthy relationship. You’ve spent a lot of your life believing that you’re unlovable, Pile Two. And that’s just not the case. You’ve been able to cut out the bull from people trying to siphon off of your energy and get back to what is really important, you’ll be able to focus on yourself and learn to truly love and uplift yourself. In doing this, you’ll be given what you’ve always wanted. Someone to love you as much as you love them and truly understand you. (All things take work, don’t expect perfection after the first date.) They may remind you a bit of the friend you cut off, but they aren’t here as a test so use your best judgement and work through your triggers! Now, please use discretion and discernment with anything I say about love. You aren’t here to just give love. You’re here to receive it, too. And that includes yourself. You are love, you’re made of it. Embrace the inner beauty and complexities that is your existence and realize that though the journey may have been painful to get where you are now and you may feel more alone than ever, YOU are worth fighting for and the only person that will ALWAYS fight on your team is yourself and whatever deity you follow. It’s good to be cautious and critical of your surroundings, but loosen up and remember to still relax and have fun! Princess/Prince Charming isn’t just gonna knock on your door! I mean… unless they’re a Fed-Ex worker hehe. Just kidding! Lighten up and enjoy life, Pile Two! Your higher self wants you to enjoy your journey from here on out! The storm is over, go find the rainbow! 🌈✨

- Bunny 🍯💛

Pile Three: Violet Fire

Meddle About - Chase Atlantic

Distracted - Honey Revenge

Put You Through Me - Arrows In Action

Caraphernelia - Pierce The Veil

(honorable mention: Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too - Say Anything)

‘The Wild Unknown: Archetypes’ by Kim Krans: The River, The Starborn, The Flame, The Vision, The Underworld, The Unseen, The Hunter, Thanatos, The Shaman, The Mentor, The Storm, Eros

‘White Ligh Oracle’ by Alana Fairchild and A. Andrew Gonzalez: Ivory Wish-Fulfilling Crow, Archon Barbelo

‘Tarot of The Divine’ by Yoshi Yoshitani: 4oW, 1oW, 6oS, 5oW, The Moon, 4oS Rx, 10oC, 4oC, The Sun Rx, The Empress Rx, 3oP, 9oS Rx, KnoW Rx, The World, 10oP, Death, 9oC. KnoP Rx, 8oC, QoP, 1oC, 8oS, 5oC Rx, 3oW Rx

Hey, hey, pile three! You had an emo phase and never left it, didn’t you? (Same hehe) This energy is a bit overwhelmingly sexual, but then once I started pulling more and more I realized you seem to use your sexuality as a front or overly sexualize yourself. But!! This isn’t a bad thing!! It can be really powerful as long as you are remembering that you aren’t just a sexual object. You’re a human being and worthy of respect and tenderness. It’s okay to have a darker aesthetic and be into more ‘taboo’ things (within reason, don’t do gross illegal stuff pals), but you need to remember that you’re allowed to be multifaceted and utilize that unique energy for a multitude of different things! Humans have complexities and you’re allowed to embrace that! Please, please remember to be kind to yourself and don’t use your lifestyle as a way to actively punish yourself! Plus, I hope you’re using that energy to manifest what you want out of this life! It’s potent! Use your energy for fun and I honestly believe you could be a great psychologist or maybe a sex therapist? Something of that sort! Use your knowledge and any kind of pain to help people! (If you’re comfy with that! Everyone’s journey is so vastly different, but I really did feel there was a sweetness to this collective that not very many people get the privilege of knowing because they write you off because you’re too attractive or considered too sexual or whatever. That’s stupid. Everyone has trauma and everyone is supposed to heal. I hope you find more people in your life that get to see another side of you and make you feel genuinely safe enough to ease your guard.) You’re powerful as you are, but just remember to be soft with yourself. You’re worthy of sweetness. Love and Light, little bee!

- Bunny 💛🍯

Pile Four: Light Activation

(You’re The) Devil In Disguise - Elvis Presley

Dial Drunk - Noah Kahan

Bejeweled - TS

My Own Worst Enemy - Lit

‘The Wild Unknown: Archetypes’ by Kim Krans: The Threshold, The Hunter, The Judge, The Crone, The Thread, The Destroyer, The Creator, The Shaman, Anima Mundi

‘White Ligh Oracle’ by Alana Fairchild and A. Andrew Gonzalez: Solve Polluti 741 Hz, Spirit Owl of 852 Hz

‘Tarot of The Divine’ by Yoshi Yoshitani: 1oC, 10oC, 10oW, The World, PgoS, 8oW, 3oC Rx, KoW, PgoW, 9oP, 4oP, KnoS Rx, The Moon Rx, The Emperor Rx, 7oP, KoS Rx, The High Priestess Rx

Welcome, Pile Four! I’ve never read for this collective and it was honestly a tougher one! This collective is very secretive and was kind talking in riddles a lot. I had to kinda piece things together like a puzzle! What I got from your higher self is that you’re in a crone era of your life, so you’re probably a bit older and towards the ‘end’ of your life. Meaning, you don’t have those super hard life lessons as much as you used to in the maiden or mother days! You’ve integrated all parts of yourself and you know when to utilize your shadow aspects and your light aspects! Today, I felt like I was supposed to just give you a warning about a potential false guru or prophet. Someone is pretending to be something they aren’t. It may be a group or you’ve known this person from the time they were a child to adulthood. They’re coming out as court-cards swords reversed (King, Knight, and Page as mentioned above.) They could be wishing you harm or trying to do something behind your back to drain you. I do feel like you’ve already pinpointed who this is and you’re well aware of what to do next. Otherwise, there was mention of another young person who seems similar to this swords person. They’re more creative, less vindictive, and have a passionate spark for life (King + Page of Wands), or they might be connected to this person in some way! Like a child or something like that! They’re going to be fine and won’t fall down the same path as the Swords person. This was very specific and I hope whoever’s this is for gets it! Special thanks to your higher self for allowing me to relay the message because they didn’t seem to want to tell me much at first, but I was able to gain some kind of respect from them! I hope you got what you needed for this! See ya around and good health to you! ✨

- Bunny 💛🍯

Bunny’s Note: Thanks for buzzing by for a reading! And thank you to you and your high self for allowing me to peep into your energy to offer some advice to you! I may do a divine feminine reading next! Specifically about shadow work or possibly doing a reading on some entry level shadow work. I’ll brew up some ideas and see what I can figure out! Thank you so much again for all your support and interacting with my posts! It’s means a lot to me!! I hope this post was able to give you the guidance or clarification you need! Love and light, busy bees!! If you’d like to tip me, my ko-fi is below! The minimum donation is $1! No pressure to send anything!

[ereyies]

okay haiii these are my omam headcanons that i wrote a couple months ago and completely forgot about and found them on my ipad so uhh enjoy

Of Mice and Men character headcanons:

George suffers from Misophonia

George also had BPD and takes medication for it

Curley's wife's name is Sally. idk why but she's always been a Sally to me...

Despite all his apparent charm, Slim can’t flirt for the life of him and ends up just standing like 🧍‍♂️and somehow it always works

Whitt sleepwalks regularly. Slim gets up multiple times a week every night just to drag Whitt back to bed

Lennie has full blown conversations in his sleep. very loudly.

Crooks’s favourite food is liquorice or something 😭 old man food,,,

Candy will randomly just tell the most absurd, very obviously untrue facts every with a completely straight face just to see how gullible ppl one the ranch are. “yeah did you fellas know that there's a chance if you sneeze while you’re fulla whiskey your gut will burst? ‘ts true! saw it happen to a poor guy here on this very ranch!!”

Carlson has a bunch of weirdly specific and random skills that serve no practical use in his life whatsoever. stuff like he’s really good at ventriloquism, or knows an absurd amount of dances from around the world, or he’s an expert of handwriting analysis, or he can ride a unicycle. absolutely useless but mildly impressive talents.

Curley hurts himself in his outburst as much as he hurts others. not intentionally or because of his opponent, he just gets so mad he'll start bashing his head or something

+ Bronwyn and Curley headcanons

(For those who don't know, Bronwyn is my omam oc, you can find information about her here and here, but all you need to know for this is that she's Curley's younger sister.)

⚠️ CW for mention of neglect, abuse, and suicide ⚠️

Bronwyn walks very silently. Very conscious of her footsteps.

She suffers from undiagnosed psychosis (hallucinations, delusions, disorganised thinking, tangential thinking), attachment issues, occasionally seizures, anxiety issues, etc.

Inherited all her mental disorders from her mother's side. Her mother also suffered from various undiagnosed mental disorders and killed herself as a result of her condition rapidly worsening with no treatment

Bronwyn still thinks so highly of Curley despite how awfully he treats her as she only ever remembers when they were younger and when they were each other's best friends. When someone speaks badly about Curley, she'll always defend him. Curley believes that Bronwyn is a worthless burden who brings down his image and the reputation of the family, making him feel embarrassed and that he's weaker somehow for having a mentally ill sister.

Curley blames Bronwyn for their mother's death, believing that Bronwyn was born sick and that their mother 'caught' her illness.

Their mother was emotionally abusive, and their father, the boss of the ranch, is quite neglectful of them both. Neither Curley nor Bronwyn realise just how awful their mother treated them both, yet neither talk about her.

Curley secretly adored his mother. Bronwyn secretly resents her but can't put a finger on why. She tried to draw her mother once and the paper she used was just covered in nothing but dark scribbles.

When she and Curley get into fights they often get physical and violent. Bronwyn only learnt to fight from Curley because in the middle of fighting he'd be so pissed off that she couldn't fight properly and be like 'that's not how you throw a punch. quit embarrassing yourself, I'll show you how it's done. now you try.' and accidentally ended up teaching her to fight at his level.

When the boss would intervene with their fights, he'd observe and blame whoever caused the most damage. Curley often got the blame the most because he'd let his anger get the best of him.

[anewbeginningagain]

Gracie's story is incredibly complex and I really respect her bravery for sharing all of that with the public. The response of the fandom... it's telling that most of them don't know how to react to certain parts of it. Gracie is not a perfect victim and the hate on her from fans for her being the blonde American, for being that so-called pinnacle of white privilege who must be upholding racism was so well documented. It really makes me realize that most of the vocal FS fandom consist of people who are desperate for entertainment and drama in their lives and projected so many things on skaters and hope that meltdowns or scandals will happen to them so they themselves can feel meaningful when they can do their performative moral white knighting, or trying to be their best edgy not-like-other-people self by coming up with the meanest opinions possible about skaters who are acceptable to hate for being flawed people. And the rest are sheep desperate to fit in with no confidence of shaping their own thoughts and opinions about the skaters and the sport, frantically following or echoing those hot takes blindly.

A perfect message anon, I connect to it on so many levels.

It's also mind-blowing how the fs fandom learns nothing - the only legitimate response to the CAS report on Kamila's doping is to be outraged that a 15 years old was given over 60 different medications and supplements likely by her coaches and federation and how none of them bothered to actually help with her defense. Instead, you get a million crappy jokes on strawberry deserts and TSL gossiping on her father not being around or whatever. I've been vocal about Kamila deserving the 4 years suspension. That does not negate the fact that I think she's also a victim - and like Gracie, she's an imperfect one.

All of these is giving me strong flashbacks to the toxicity of the V/M fandom, to this day I see on Twitter some of their unhinged long-term fans "educating" new fans on the "facts" about TS that are just pure fanfic. And I also remember how hated Vincent Zhou was after fanyus marked him as a target and too many in the fs fandom followed because he liked a harmless Ben Shapiro tweet (which makes him transphobic apparently though the tweet had nothing to do with trans people). Only after people learned that he is abused at home and him coming forward about is mental health struggles they took a step back from attacking him.

How the fs fandoms fail to internalize that we know NOTHING about the skaters' lives outside of the little we watch them is the key to these fandoms remaining highly toxic.

[toxic-mothers-tourney]

yeah i'm not the first to say it but dr c really shouldn't be on there and most of the info surrounding her is just fanon that ppl ran with and mainly originates from an era of mechs fic that went "oh the reason why this cis white man (w no canon sexuality) from texas has a british accent is bc this asian trans lesbian was abusive towards him and trained him to lose his texas accent like a british colonialist" (real example btw. the real reason he sounds british is bc he's played by a british man and you cant honestly expect him to put on a fake texas accent for entire sets. love and light) and saw nothing wrong w it.

and in regards to the actual propaganda for her:

we don't now canon ages for any of the mechs or dr c but most of them weren't young adults +

"killed them a lot of times in a lot of ways" the mechs kill each other all the time as a running joke. death means nothing to any of them anymore and there's no difference between jonny saying "ok ok ok are you gonna' kill us or not? cause like it's great when we're singing songs but we shot you out- well one of us shot you out of an airlock and i wanna know if you're going- well what you're going to do to us. [unintelligible] killing me?" (the ONLY canon reference to dr c killing the mechs) and tim proudly saying "we killed our lead singer!", something which is a fan favorite line

"they're visibly uncomfortable around her/scared of her" no they aren't? "especially the first two she successfully immortalized" like i said. the only instance of this w jonny was played as a joke. as stated above. as for nastya the only instance of this is at the end of lashings where, after playing the comedic straight man all set, nastya is at the end of her rope with all the other mechs and dr c sneaks up behind her and nastya is annoyed by it. another gag.

we don't have enough information about ivy's backstory for any meaningful conclusions to be drawn regarding it, or the extent to which ivy's brain damage is dr c's fault but it's heavily implied to be unintentional

we have no proof dr c is responsible for the morality switch and it's v likely that it's a leftover of brian's own technology bc dr c canonically used brian's model instead of her own to mechanize him

"being immortal is awful and terrible and i hate it. by the way i'm going to make several dead children who cannot consent to this medical procedure (because they are dead) immortal." THEY WEREN'T DEAD??? THE CLOSEST ONE OF THEM WAS TO DEAD WAS BRIAN AND HE WAS ONLY UNCONSCIOUS??? THEY WERE ALL NEAR-DEAD BUT THAT'S NOT THE SAME THING??? ALSO JONNY AND NASTYA BOTH EXPLICITLY AGREED TO IT??? LIKE JONNY ACTIVELY CELEBRATED IT SHORTLY AFTER HE WAS MECHANIZED AND THERE'S LITERALLY A WHOLE SONG ABOUT DR C OFFERING MECHANIZATION AND AN ESCAPE FROM CYBERIA TO NASTYA AND HER EXPLICITLY SAYING YES????

"Carmella forced her kids to immortality against their wills and used them as lab rats" see above + the lab rats thing comes from literally nowhere. i can't unpack it bc there's nothing to unpack

and based on what's in the notes

dr c and nastya's tutor were different people, she just played the tutor in the song. that's like saying the ts and rose red are the same, or jonny and ulysses.

already mentioned the issues w ivy and brian's mechanization possibly probably not being her fault

they aren't scared of her. full stop.

like i said. the immortality was consensual. how do you know about dr c playing nastya's tutor if you don't also know about the massive part of that song featuring dr c offer mechanization to nastya as long as she says yes (which she does btw)

tl;dr everything said abt dr c is either fake or misleading and it rlly sucks that the most common portrayal of her is from a woobified jonny angst fic which is 99% projection and 1% octokitten and mainly comes from 'i like jonny' > 'jonny doesn't like his mom' > 'i don't like my mom' > 'my mom sucks' > 'jonny's mom must also suck'. completely ignoring the fact that jonny is also both a cannibal and a war criminal and maybe just maybe a liar and a petty bastard and his opinions of people should Never be treated as fact. like he straight up admits to heavily embellishing his backstory to sound more interesting i Promise you him saying he dislikes dr c isn't that deep there's a 99% chance it just means that he found her insistence that her backup band play music that's about her feelings and deep and slow and shit boring and decided to airlock her over it.

this is a really helpful breakdown for me! thank you so much

[optimistshealth]

Have you experienced stress? Well, everyone has. Deadlines, Meetings, traffic, and many other factors cause stress. People frequently experience stress as a response to unpleasant events in their lives. Stress, like other negative emotions such as grief and anger, is a normal reaction humans show under unfavourable circumstances. Stress is common in many aspects of one's life, primarily in the workplace. It can induce headaches, sleep problems, chest pain, weight fluctuations, and other symptoms. As part of your work life, you might experience three forms of stress: ·  Acute stress ·  Acute episodic stress ·  Chronic stress Many people experience several types of stress at the same time. These types of stress are severe enough to prevent one from going about their everyday life normally. Acute - Acute stress is the result of the daily pressures and demands that we all encounter. It only lasts for a short time. For example, a brief occurrence, such as a heated discussion or being stuck in traffic. Episodic stress - Episodic stress denotes instances in which acute stress occurs very repeatedly. It is frequently seen in people who set unrealistic or unreasonable goals for themselves, causing them stress during the process. Although it is more common than acute stress, episodic stress is not constant and will stop from time to time. For instance, work deadlines, the end of a project, and so forth. Chronic stress - Chronic stress is when a person is exposed to stressful conditions over a prolonged period of time. These stressful circumstances may seem to last forever. The accumulated stress caused by various stressors may lead to significant physical or mental illnesses. As a result, people may engage in self-harm, violence, abuse, or suicide. For example, long-term situations such as losing a job, physical or mental abuse, substance abuse, dysfunctional relationships, family conflict, and so on. Although stress is unpleasant, there are various ways to manage work stress. People do not have to endure these emotions permanently. Being mindful, taking regular breaks to refresh, physical exercise, adequate sleep, and a healthy diet are some basic approaches to coping with stress. Acute stress is often manageable, but it is advisable to seek medical attention and make the necessary lifestyle modifications if you are dealing with chronic stress. Follow us to learn more about health and wellness at the workplace - https://lnkd.in/gf-trW77

[onceuponanaromantic]

I have rewatched the anti-hero video so many times istg to try and situate my discussion of the fatphobia more accurately within a) the music video b) midnights and the TS evolution and c) within the larger context of pop culture. And actually I realise that actually the cultural response and backlash and the backlash to that backlash can be tied to like how we talk about bodies + body policing, feminism in the pop culture (and music) scene, and like the cultural reception of TS and fatphobia as a systemic issue.

(syl’s nerd stuff under the cut)

Ok so actually it required a lot of breaking down fiske’s theories of domination and the celebratory effects of pop culture, and like how pop culture is mobilised to circulate dominant ideologies. (And I was trying to apply the dialectic approach to intercultural communication but it didn’t work because actually the cultural-individual dialectic and the contextual-individual dialectic don’t really work even though I was trying very hard to make it work HAHAHA.) But yeah, I think a big part of the problem is specifically TS’ situation on the pop culture and music scene and like the ‘renaissance’ through both the Taylor’s version series and as an artist through folklore, evermore and now midnights. I think esp because midnights comes and is marketed as a discussion of her insecurities and a response to self-loathing (which is never fun! Even if it can be cathartic!) that added layer of vulnerability invokes the strong parasocial r/s that TS is very very good at playing on and is very creative in, esp in social media. And that heightens the sensation that any criticism, even sensitive and gentle criticism, is going to come as an attack.

the next thing that stands out to me is the way the word ‘fat’ specifically is used and why it holds such tension. I argued that it’s really the polysemic nature that leads to a lot of the conflict around it, precisely because body policing and its ties to specifically femininity but also other gender presentation is so fraught. And that’s a very understated way of putting it, but the issue is that a lot of people’s personal discomforts with body policing and dysphoria and body shaming in general are tied to the perception of being fat, and the link of being fat with fearing the loss of desire and the loss of safety (of many forms) that’s tied to that. At the same time though, actual fat people and activists are naming these specific harms they experience because of systemic fatphobia and the very real harms and violence they experience by being fat (through food policing, denial of medical care, dehumanisation, higher rates of abuse, etc). And they are specifically identifying that the perception of being fat and fearing the loss of that safety as a thin person is vastly different from the actual stigma and harm that fat people experience, and the use of the word in the way that TS did contributes to the stigma. And they’re right to do so, because TS has a massive platform and so any harm she does will be amplified by that. And TS is def not the only pop culture artist who has been criticised right (see also: Lizzo being criticised for the word ‘spaz’ being ableist in her song) but because of TS’ position contextually, people are very sensitive to any criticism of her and anything that might even be perceived as an attempt to damage her reputation. And because culturally, TS has built herself up as a feminist (or at least feminist in her authorship) and a source of resistance against sexism, and the way she interacts is very much to build a sense of investment in her writing (paratextual strategies yay), this does amplify the magnitude and intensity of the harassment directed at anyone who speaks up about the harm TS has done/is doing.

yeah so in conclusion, stan culture is a logically extension of the media environment and like, current PR strategies of engagement, and also very specifically in this case, TS’ persona and the way ppl engage with it.

[intobarbarians]

“you know she has hpv, right?” “most sexually active adults do”

thank you to bane for responding in the most correct way

[kedreeva]

is it known what causes the charcoal peafowls to be sickly? of course I assume it's some gene coupled with the charcoal gene that impacts some important bodily functions, but what are these functions that are impaired, do we know?

Although the Pavo cristatus genome has been initially sequenced, it hasn’t been mapped in a way that would allow us to know that kind of info with any amount of surety. The last I heard, there was some research being done looking into the sterility of the hens, where a researcher believed they weren’t laying because of lipoic acid deficiency, as the morph appears to be linked to a lipoic acid synthetase deficiency. They were looking into methionine absorption as well, and believed they could get hens to lay if they fed a specially-tailored diet. I never saw results from it; no one breeding charcoals keeps the hens, so I’m not sure they ever found participants.

I also haven’t heard of anyone whose gotten enough gross necropsies (or even cultured necropsies) done on end-of-life birds that a common “reason they die young” cause could be established. 

On the one hand I understand wanting to know what causes the issues, but on the other hand, even if they found a way to correct or per bird like by changing feed, responsible breeders should not knowingly and purposely breed animals which they know will produce offspring with major health issues.

[apuff]

our lady of sorrows lets go

NO THE RECURRING MOTIFS

affair ...🤨🤨🤨🤨🏳️‍🌈

REVENGE?????????????????????????

not sure what dying by threes means but ehhhh. could tie back to them dying in 2s (they come in pairs)

VAMPIRES VAMPIRES VAMPIRES VAMPIRES VAMPRIES VAMPIRES VAMPIRES VAMPIRES VAMPIRES VAMPRIES

about to do headfirst for halosthisis so over

not sure what this means could mean flashbacks or time loop idk

MONROEVILLEEEEEEEE

again this is vampires wahoo

thought that was burning away

duress is a cool word im glad its in this song

this is the best day ever is a bit odd cause its like mostly just medical theme i can see how thats realted to vampires tho (like, someone get me to the doctor and someone call a nurse)

i thought that was "when we needed the emergency food" !! no more crisis of that tpe i guess!!

something-something- and someone burned this church?

okay cubicles time

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS SO SAD WTF

no this is actually so sad and poetic and also. makes sense to me that cubicles and sl&ts used to be one song cause i can really see them belonging together

no idea what this means

OH SHIT THEY CHANGED IT

sounds familiar

i guess my takeaway from this is that bullets story is actually a lot more deep then i thought of it as probably just cuz i couldnt hear a damn word gerard was saying

also my other takeaway is that in bullets the relationship between the demo lovers is much more fraught then it is in revenge? like, if i didnt know better id just straight up classify this as abusive or mutually abusive or toxic.

and dont get me wrong theyre not unproblematic in revenge but i feel like there much more of a balance between "im sad bc i love my gf i miss my gf" and "I FUCKING HATE YOU WE ARE SO BAD FOR EACH OTHER" in revenge, whereas in this theres almost no, idk, pure and uncomplicated love for each other its always brought up in the context of a toxic love. only exception is demo lovers i think

well i guess its almost sort of sweet that they had so many tribulations but by turning to vampires and dying together, they became the only people that related to or accepted each other, leading them to develop a more genuine and deep relationship. when they are torn from each other immediately in revenge, theres still the underlying bitterness, hatred, and self-hatred and still kind of a feeling that they are toxic, but a slightly more sweet and genuine form of "i will do anything to keep you safe, i will do anything to keep us together, i miss you" i cant put this into words in a clear way its all about the vibes to me

looking up the lyrics to demo lovers so if you hear screaming thats what that is

[biomic]

[neednothavehappenedtobetrue]

okay this post is about my parents and about child abuse and I recommend not reading it. I just need it in my records.

today, you are feeling a little uninhibited and you used the words "emotional abuse" to describe the things your parents did.

usually you don't. maybe tomorrow you won't. but today you did and it felt fair and true.

they said/did things to you that were harmful! also, you have started being able to say "medical neglect" fairly consistently, and that's similar. keep it in mind.

you were talking to a friend who shares this bad hat but if you have any friends who have good relationships with parents they trust, see if you can ask them "hey, if XYZ happened, would someone have taken you to a doctor? hey, did you have a fundamental sense that crying and expressing pain would accomplish nothing except getting you yelled at, so you never did it?"

it doesn't matter if they did it on purpose! it doesn't matter if they had a reason! they hurt you! they hurt you a bunch! they made choices! their choices hurt you! they made harmful choices!

[delimeful]

If it’s not too spoilery, what does “Aconite” mean? That one scientist called Logan that in his flashback to his childhood captivity and I wasn’t sure if it was a title or a name for him.

aconite is a flowering earth plant that is also referred to as “wolfsbane,” “monkshood,” or “queen of poisons.” as you might know, its a very poisonous plant that causes damage to the nerve and cardiovascular systems. 

ulgorii blood ranges in toxicity and effects, depending on what their bloodline and what they were exposed to in gestation. to certain alien species, logan’s blood has a fair similarity to the effects of the aforementioned rumored earth toxin, and so it was marketed to potential black market buyers as “aconite blood.” 

aconite was his designation and name for the entirety of the time he spent in that lab. ‘logan’ didn’t come until later.

[nachosforfree]

hc: after pat burned dee he didn’t leave his room for months, not even to get medical treatment for the burns. Luckily sides won’t die if they don’t eat, but they still get malnourished

[laufire]

this was not the way I would’ve predicted my #FreeMadi agenda paying off, but if that girl needs to become one with the Borg transcend in other to escape Clarke, I support her.

she and anyone else, inside or outside the show, can rationalize it however they want, but that little girl saw an opportunity of getting away from an abusive mother figure ready to put her down like a dog without so much as consulting her with the handy mind reading machine in the room, and she took her chances.