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marsdenlee · 9 months ago

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Synopsis: Ryden reveals a plan to help Mars with his auditory hallucinations. Trigger Warnings: auditory hallucinations, murder, disturbing imagery, drowning mention

Since Ry had texted Mars, he hadn’t been able to think about anything else, which left him in a very unfortunate situation of slowly getting filled up with anxious thoughts which only fueled the curse within him. Festering voices echoed back the worst possible options that were getting harder and harder to disregard the longer they went on. He’ll get hurt. He won’t come back. He’s leaving. He’s leaving. He’s leaving. You’ll be alone. Alone. All alone. You deserve to be alone.

Mars did his best to distract himself from these voices he couldn’t shirk but they were a veil of sticky spiders webs and he a fly, the more he struggled the more he was ensnared, giving life and validity to the voices and their whispers.

He shoved Airpods in his ears and blasted music to drown them out but they were not subject to outside forces, the voices came from within and he could still hear them, screaming, whistling, poking and prodding, only it was nonsense now, even the music was nonsense, just notes and a convoluted mess of incoherent sound and that, at least, was better. He sat on the floor with his legs stretched in front of him, Maria Elena crawling over them like the obstacles they were while she laughed her bubbling laughter he couldn’t hear and Tux was rubbing himself against his back, occasionally pressing front paws with sharp claws to his back, wanting to climb upwards but Mars would just flex his shoulders to prevent it. He could only tolerate being a jungle gym to one being at a time.

Work at the car shop finally done, Ry came home with two kinds of extra large pizza boxes and plenty of drinks to wash it down with, easily carrying stuff in his arms although putting the key to the lock had required some juggling. Slipping inside, he made his way to the kitchen first to leave all of it on the counter before he toed out of his boots and tossed them back into the hallway to be put away later. Then he made his way into the living room, first to say hello to his two favorite people in the world and then he’ll think of a shower, to wash away all the grime, sweat and stains of the car shop off himself. He found his man on the floor as he often sat, playing with the little toddler who was the first to notice him, a piercing squeal of delight followed by a blabber of multiple versions of dada blurted excitedly in a single breath while the scaredy tuxedo cat immediately found an opportunity to dart away and escape the big bad wolf before it got him. Not that Ryden ever forced affection on Tux, he was aware of the sort of effect he had on most animals. Still, Ryden making a conscious effort to ignore the feline didn’t make it any more accepting of the wolf.

Plopping down next to Marsden so their shoulders touched, he exhaled tiredly, watching Maria Elena try to crawl over the siren’s long legs so she could get to the other pair of limbs stretching out next to her father’s. Ryden leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to a bony shoulder in a silent greeting, having noticed the Airpods in Mars’ ears and leaving it to the siren to take them out in his own time.

Mars didn't realize Ryden had come home until he noticed Tux dash away to some hiding place which was unfortunately something the oft coy cat did even though Ryden had been living here for some time now, and before long he was joined on the floor with shoulders touching and a sweet kiss applied to his shoulder. The siren leaned into him, turning his head to press his own lips to whatever part of the werewolf he could land them on, the side of a jaw. It was now that Mars removed the Airpods, squeezing the little things so the music stopped playing from them and he carefully stuffed them into the pockets of his sweatpants because leaving them out was a choking hazard for the little toddler who had successfully crawled over both his legs and was now in Ryden's lap to give him a greeting of her own which constituted of a lot of babbling because she must of course tell him all about her day. It brought a smile to Marsden's lips, looking at her interact with the other man, a sweet scene that contrasted the unheard screaming in his mind.

Ryden snorted in amusement as he watched the little girl struggle to get to him, not helping because he believed this was good exercise for her and she was getting stronger by the day, climbing her own little mountains and making it to the next ones on her way, surmounting each obstacle and coming up victorious, constantly growing, always giving them both new things to look forward to, surprising them beyond their expectations. Although it often saddened Marsden to see her grow out of her baby clothes and shoes, to see her now demanding to zoom around more than to be carried, to see her growing up and get more independent with each passing moment, it brought joy too because slowly but surely she was becoming a person, each day a bigger one than she was the day before. As she settled into Ryden’s lap, the wolf raised a fist for her to bump in greeting but she only knew how to slap her tiny hand at it, doing it over and over again as she babbled away about her day. But even that was a tiny miracle because up until recently, she would either ignore or just grab it with her always sticky little hands. Now she actually kind of sort of got the gist of it and it made Ryden chuckle.

He scooped her up with a little groan of effort the action didn’t really take, lifting her above head and giving her a little toss, this sending her into a wiggling spasm of excitement, her baby laughter filling up the room. “Guess wha’ we got for dinner…?” He said to her in an exaggeratedly mysterious tone, lowering her just enough so their noses booped. “Pizza!” And again he thrust her into the air, her giggles exploding like fireworks above them.

"Woah, pizza," Mars returned with enthusiasm, "Ain't we lucky, 'er what?" He nudged his shoulder against Ryden's, looking at him quietly, thoughtfully, ignoring the whisper of voices that promised bad things were just around the corner. It was with the point of his chin against Ryden's shoulder that Mars started to say, "Ya kinda stink but in a good way. Lemme get a better whiff of ya," and nuzzled his face into the werewolf's neck while inhaling deeply.

Stop that.

"Sorry," Mars found himself responding reflexively out loud to a voice no one else could hear but it sounded like Ryden even though it wasn't. The voices were good mimics. "Ya wanna shower an' I'll feed her first?"

Lowering the baby back onto his lap because it seemed like she would soon be done having fun with him and would probably want to continue whatever her baby brain was up to before Ryden’s arrival interrupted her, he let her slide off his lap on her own to go get whatever she was after, which was probably some random toy or two that were littering the floor, which she would abuse until she got bored of it then move onto the next one. Both of her adults were back in one place, so she could rest easy, going about her baby day without a care in the world.

“Yea, I do.” Was what Ryden actually said but perhaps that was exactly why the intruding fake Ryden voice fit so well into the context. If he thought anything about the apology he didn’t expect or ask for, he didn’t reveal it. “I can wait. Let’s sort her out first. She didn’t nap yet?” As he spoke, he slipped a hand into Marsden’s, fingers intertwining. It felt rough and dry, Ryden having already used the harsh chemicals in the shop to try and get the car oil stains out before he was home.

"Mm she did but only fer about a half hour or so," he waggled his fingers until they fit snugly between the digits of the other man, not minding the dry skin but still he moved to lift their entwined hands up to pepper the back of Ryden's knuckles with kisses if the action was not prevented. The voices turned incoherent once more, a low babble of background noise, whisperings of a conversation he was no longer party to but was forced to overhear just enough of. "She wanted to play an' I think she was missin' ya. Like me. Was missin' ya."

“Aw, damn. Was kinna hopin’ she didn’t, so I could run us a bath.” Ryden sighed, though he was only mildly disappointed. He’d long started to grin at such little obstacles in their way. Never once had he actually thought of Maria Elena as bothersome for taking priority though he did sometimes feel sorry for their lack of alone time together. Of course he allowed the kisses to his hand, smirking softly at the gesture. “Missin’ ya every day too, moonbeam. Both o’ya.” He switched their hands over so that he could deliver a few kisses atop Mars’ knuckles in return.

"Can try to put her down again," Mars hummed lowly, keeping his eyes on Ryden's lips as they pressed against his own knuckles now, watching to match the movement of them to any words he might hear so he would know for certain it was him talking and not someone else, "Mebbe after she eats somethin', get her belly full, mebbe she'll get tired an' den we can soak.. an' talk."

“Eh, if it happens, it happens.” He shrugged, breath ghosting over much smoother knuckles than his own. “I’ll take wha’ I can git.” And with that, he dropped Mars’ hand so he could playfully make him bow his head, fingers digging into raven-dyed hair to push his head down just enough to lean in and take a good though gentle nibble of the back of his neck. Whenever this spot got exposed, whether from Marsden peering into his notebook to doodle or leaning over the sink or bending over to pick something up, Ryden got this inexplicable urge to just pounce and deliver sweet love bites to where his hairline met that place.

Chuckling victoriously, he made a quick escape, standing up to get the ball rolling and settle the rest of their day. “Gunna prep her plate real quick so ya can feed ‘er. Got anythin’ else that needs doin’ b’fore?”

Mars offered little resistance to Ryden when he felt the pressure of his hand on his head, pushing his head down, only letting out a sea of his own laughter at the unexpected action which caught him off guard and only pretending to fight back just enough to make it fun and for the victory of the werewolf to be all the sweeter because it was also a victory for himself, feeling teeth at the back of his neck sent a satisfactory shiver down his spine. The siren tried to swipe a hand at the ankles of the quickly retreating werewolf but was too slow and his fingers only reached air. "Ya quick fuck," Mars chuckled, rolling onto his stomach as he laid on the floor and looked up at Ryden.

Maria Elena took an interest at the fun they were having and came over to collapse roughly over top of his back, eliciting an 'ouphe' from the siren. "Dishes an' laundry. Never endin'," he pulled his knees up beneath to lift himself and her for she was now riding on his back with her hands curled into tight fists at the back of his shirt to keep her from falling off, "I'm just a work horse, neigh neigh neigh," he let out a silly nonsense song as he crawled on the floor, Maria Elena giggling wildly, singing in her best attempt to match him, neigh neigh neigh. So too did the voices, neigh, neigh, neigh.

As he walked back towards the kitchen, Ryden did a pretty good impression of Marsden doing the finger guns for the siren. “Dishes, gotcha.” He was going to be in the kitchen anyway. It made him laugh how Maria Elena practically threw herself onto Mars’ back, making the two quite an adorable little pile, but he had to turn around and walk into their kitchen so he could do what he could for them, help take care of them both as best as he could by putting that supernatural werewolf stamina to good use. Even after a long day at the car shop, he still had enough fuel to power him till the end of the day. That didn’t mean that he was avoiding the talk. He was just building up to it, attempting to get things comfortable enough for Marsden to listen and talk about this at length, so they could take their time and not worry over the little baby picking up any awkward energy from them that might also stress her out. Because even kids this young soaked up vibes like little sponges, especially from adults they relied on.

Thus the offer to get the chores out of the way first, to handle the kid as the number one priority, the nice yummy food that awaited although they’d probably have to microwave it later and doing something both of them enjoyed together later on, where being alone in a space where no one else could intrude might help Mars open up comfortably, knowing that he was safe and listened to. Ryden was never a subtle man but he was loving, and for love he could be careful. For love, he could do anything. And that was exactly what this talk was going to be about. Doing anything, for love.

Mars played along with Maria Elena, pretending he was a horse and she was some valiant princess on an adventure to the kitchen, or rather the island counter that doubled as their dining table since the apartment didn’t have a formal dining table, only stools lining the island counter and where most of their meals were eaten or in the living room. Once the kitchen was reached, Mars gently rolled to encourage Maria Elena’s dismount so he could get a drink for her and as he passed by the other man, gave him a quick kiss and a “Danks, starshine.”

It sounded like the kettle was going off and his eyes kept flicking toward it, even going over once to double check the stove was off and the kettle was empty, saying nothing about it once he confirmed this and just resumed getting a drink for the little toddler. “Whaddya wanna drink, baby? Juice?” Mars asked the little girl who had been walking between his legs and all around, singing a song about pizza. “‘Er mebbe water. Less sugar,” he mumbled under his breath as he got a cup out for her and topped it with a lid and straw so she wouldn’t spill it. “Both hands, take dat, nice,” he said to her softly as she grabbed the cup.

Washing his hands one more time in the sink, Ry leaned in for the kiss in the passing as if on a cue, the two already having learned to work as a team on a daily basis - where Marsden left off, Ryden would pick up, the two becoming really good at working as a tag team. Where one lacked, the other added up, when one was down the other rowed the boat but at the end of the day, they completed each other and got through whatever the day brought together.

Ry prepped the plate for Maria Elena, some boiled carrot sticks and sweet corn, soft chicken and a little fruit salad mix of bananas, kiwis and mango pieces all nicely cut up and, of course, soft pizza crust she could enjoy, all pieces easy for her to grab with her little baby hands and easily stuff her mouth with at her own pace without making too big of a mess. Leaving it up to Marsden to watch her while she ate, he did the dishes and would then proceed to do the laundry too and whatever else along the way he’d noticed and had some time for.

Mars would take the plate of food for the little one and bring it back over to the living room, Maria Elena following closely along beside his legs like the shadow that she was and he helped settle her in his lap so he could direct her to start eating because she was still at the age where eating wasn't all that interesting and unless it was paired with some sort of game then she wasn't going to do it. She'd eat a few bites then get distracted and start doing a lap around the living room, running around and Mars would need to call her back over, helping to encourage her to use a fork instead of her fingers and naturally giving her a lot of praise along the way. "Yer a natural," he'd usually end up saying, "No one would ever know ya never did dis before."

Once the event that was dinner ended for it was usually always an event, Mars took both baby and plate of food to the sink to give the plate a quick rinse and to wash her hands and face. Then with her under his arm like she was a sack of rice, he toted her to the nursery to attempt putting her down for another nap so the two men could have some precious alone time. Luckily, the full meal helped and in conjunction with a story that he weaved out from his own imagination, the little jelly baby would soon be fast asleep curled up in her bed between a pile of all her favorite plush toys. It was peaceful, watching her sleep, few things gave him greater joy but he couldn't enjoy it in the way he used to, whispering voices ruined everything.

He would leave the nursery in search for Ryden, rubbing his fingers with chipped black paint against his pulsing temples.

Ryden could be found folding the freshly washed and dried laundry in the bedroom, the new batch dumped on the bed before the wolf tackled it, having his own way of doing it. He rolled up articles of clothing rather than folded them, so they took up as little space as possible, unless they were the sort that needed to be hanged. But everything else was now either a little ball or a pancake roll ready to be put away, which was exactly what he was doing when Mars walked in in search for him, except for Maria Elena’s stuff, which he would bring to her room to store away once she was done with her nap

He looked up from an open chest of drawers where he tucked the stuff in, noting how slim fingers rubbed in circles against Marsden’s templates. “Headache?” He asked casually. “Wanna pop a pill?” Of course he meant some pain relief, having some for werewolf use to offer though he’d probably have to dose it for Marsden.

"Not sure it'd work," Mars said back with a sigh, helping to put away what was left from the bed and into a drawer or hung up to expedite the chore.

You're doing it wrong. Mistake. You're a mistake.

Mars frowned as he hung up the last thing in his hands. "Oh, yeh, she's asleep," he said as an afterthought, not remembering if he'd already said it or not. "Wanna do dat bath? I could use it."

All done with putting most of the laundry away, he left the few bits and pieces still to be put away to Mars so he could observe the siren as he moved about, not commenting much just yet. He nodded at the announcement that Maria Elena was asleep, stepping quietly closer to the man so he could watch him more carefully. In the end, he simply took his hand, with the intention of guiding him out of the bedroom if he would follow.

Mars did follow, no resistance at all for he would go wherever Ryden wanted to take him. He just wanted to be with him and then nothing else mattered as much, not even the whispers still plaguing his mind.

Fingers wrapped around the other’s hand, likely fever-warm in comparison, Ryden took Mars to the bathroom, only dropping his hold so he could actually run the water in the tub. “Bubbles or no bubbles?” He asked casually, not minding it either way. He wouldn’t mind the salts he’d bought for the siren either - as long as he got soap and water, Ryden was good. “Wanna give me a shave too?” He suggested, an absent rub to his cheek already able to feel stubble growing there, the werewolf DNA giving Ryden some trouble in that department since he preferred his face cleanly shaven. If the wolf decided so, he’d probably be able to grow one luscious, thick beard in practically no time.

With his hand freed, Mars leaned against the counter in the bathroom that housed the sink, watching as Ry ran the tap to fill the tub with water. "Bubbles," he confirmed, usually preferring plain salt water because that helped the most with hydration but bubbles were fun and distracting from time to time. "Mhm, love to," his own fingers came to graze across his lips and chin where he'd felt the lingering trace of gentle abrasions of the werewolf's kiss. A kiss he wanted to feel again so pushed away from the sink in favor of leaning in for the other man, "Kiss me sweet."

“Mmkay.” He popped a bubble bath bar out of its packing and dropped it into the tub to foam up as it filled up, dipping his fingers in to check the temp, knowing the siren’s preference well by now. When Mars leaned in, Ry turned, sitting onto the edge of the tub to pull Mars closer, looking up and awaiting for the kiss to land, fingers encircling slim wrists. “I feel like sandpaper tho.” He warned before they would collide, thumbs pressing into the backs of Mars’ wrists, feeling his pulse there, keen ears listening to the rhythm of his heart - a neat little trick he’d learned ever since his supernatural hearing revealed that he could also pick up on heart rate and beat to gauge someone’s state of stress, or even when someone was lying or hiding something. Though involuntary reactions like these could be interpreted in many ways, combined with observations of the person’s behavior, their expressions and gestures, Ryden had found ways to get pretty good at it. He was pretty certain that something was going on with Marsden, something beyond the usual stress of the day, something that caused the headache and a slightly irregular rhythm in his chest. How could Ryden not be aware when the other half of his soul was suffering? It was impossible to overlook.

"I'll survive," Mars would say back before their lips met, coarse stubble of facial hair tickling his chin and the edges of his mouth, it really was surprising, especially at first, how quickly it seemed to grow. Oblivious to the keen tactics which Ryden was employing to determine his current state of being, he never quite knew how the other seemed to know it but he always managed to him out. Marsden attributed it to something cosmic because that's what it felt like for him, something unexplainable.

He heard a cry and broke the kiss to groan, forehead falling against the werewolf's shoulder, "She woke up," not their precious moment already being disturbed, but there was no cry, not a real one, only the one he could hear in his head.

Just when his eyes had fallen closed against the kiss, Mars broke it, distressed over something that did not happen. Ryden would be able to hear Maria Elena even over the rush of water into the tub behind them. But he didn’t. The baby was sound asleep and if the werewolf really focused, he would probably be able to distinguish the sound of her even breathing in the other room. He shook his head, the movement probably more felt than seen as the siren dropped his forehead into the curve of Ry’s neck. “She didn’t, baby. She well asleep.” He pressed his cheek against the side of his face, soft baritone in Marsden’s ear. “They talkin’ to ya again, luv?” He inquired tentatively, keeping his hold on Mars’ wrists, thumbs now drawing soothing circles over the inside of them.

The voices were very convincing but Ryden was more compelling. Rationally, Mars knew that the werewolf's hearing was far better than his own, if Maria Elena really did wake then the wolf would know it, he wouldn't lie and say she hadn't if she did. For a few silent -- almost silent for he never had pure silence these days -- breaths the siren did not reply as the weight of the reality started to sink in. It was easier to give in to the hallucinations, to believe that to be the true reality, to break away from the other man completely to go back to the nursey and peep through the door to confirm for himself. It was harder to fight against that compulsion, to force himself to keep his feet rooted in place, his wrists twisting only so that he could encircle his arms around the other man's body, an anchor to keep him from floating away.

"It hasn't stopped," he admitted quietly, "Since dat day."

Ryden sucked in a breath, a slow, moderated intake through teeth. ‘Since that day’. That was a long time to struggle with this. A long time to battle a demon all on one’s own. Ryden knew all about battling demons, especially when they were a part of you. When they were you. He let go of Mars’ hands, letting the siren do whatever he wished, embracing him in return, holding him back with equal force in hopes to keep him right where he was and not lose him to the demons he was fighting.

“Baby. I’d like to go and try sumtin’. See if I can git ya help. S’what I was gunna talk to ya about. Mm? Whaddaya think ‘bout dat?” He began, palms pressing at the base of siren’s spine, feeling for the hem of his shirt so he could dip fingers beneath it and work his palms up over bare skin under it, pulling the fabric up with the touch.

"Road trip," Mars said back, sounding like nonsense but it was a call back to their text exchange where he'd suggested the same, of course, that was before knowing the details and Ryden had mentioned it was more than just a road trip but for simplicities sake it was how the siren voiced that he did remember their prior conversation. The werewolf's hands against the bare skin of his back felt so very warm, he was always so very warm and Marsden always usually one or two degrees on the colder side, byproduct of his slim physique and siren nature.

He's leaving you. He's leaving. Alone. You'll be all alone. They'll come. They're coming. When you're alone.

More crying that wasn't real but he still turned his head, looking instead of at the door to the side of Ry's face, if Ry did not alert at a sound then it wasn't really there, rational thoughts Marsden focused on. "Can't do it here?"

“Mhmm.” Ryden confirmed with a soft hum. He persisted in lifting the shirt over Mars’ back until it reached his shoulder blades and would go no further unless the siren put his arms up and allowed it to be taken off. “There are a few things we can check out ‘ere. I asked around.” He answered truthfully because there were. Greywood held plenty of options too. It was only a matter of which ones Mars wanted to explore. However, by the system of elimination, Ryden had decided to go for the big prize. It just sounded like it hit multiple flies with one stone. At least that was how it seemed to Ryden, after thinking it through logically.

“Wanna go and check on ‘er if it’s gunna make ya chill out a bit?” He asked, not minding the interruption at all. Whatever would soothe the anxiety Mars was very likely feeling now.

Mars lifted his head off of Ryden's shoulder at the same time that he lifted his arms to help facilitate the removal of his shirt, exposing a long lean torso decorated with a smattering of tattoos. "Mmm," the siren hummed thoughtfully before shaking his head, he would not go check on her even though he wanted to, giving life to the voices wasn't always a good idea, sometimes it's what they wanted. He didn't actually know if they had plans or things of that nature, it just felt like they did, always knowing what was going on in his head, knowing his weaknesses and just where to push to send him over the edge.

"Tell me," and since Ryden had been so very kind to remove his own shirt, Marsden's fingers now pulled up at the bottom of his shirt as well, willing it to be removed as he lifted it up from the sides. "'Bout da road trip one," he asked since that was the one it seemed like Ryden was most interested in, otherwise he wouldn't have mentioned it.

Letting Mars’ shirt drop onto the tiled floor, Ry left his decision to not go check on his daughter without a comment. It was a thing entirely up to Marsden. No matter how Mars decided to handle the voices in his head, Ryden would support him as best as he knew how. Whether it meant they’d both sink or swim, Ryden would go down or rise up with the other man, taking whatever the road ahead of them put on their path.

Ry helped Mars with the shirt, pulling it over his head so it joined the siren’s in a pile that would likely be growing soon. Deft fingers now moved to work on Marsden’s zipper, intent on getting his pants off too. The tub behind them would soon be full, bubbles rising like snow-covered mountains. “I’d hafta go to Colombia. Dip into the fuckin’ Amazon forest. How awesome is dat, eh?” He grinned sharply, his attempt at making light of it. “There’s dis tribe there, they do some voodoo shit, I don’t know. M’still askin’ around. But apparently they can put magic into yer skin. So I was thinkin’ of testin’ it on me, see how it goes. And mebbe if it’s the good stuff, ya can go next time, do it too. And mebbe it’ll help, yanno?”

"O'yeh?" He couldn't stop himself from appreciating the shirtless tattooed torso of the werewolf man before him, blue eyes caressing with their survey over well explored territories, letting Ryden assist in the removal of his pants though he was capable of it himself, he just got a little jolt of pleasure from feeling the other man's fingers following the zipline of his jeans. "Mm, magic in yer skin," he echoed back, nodding slightly in vague understanding. He was getting distracted, whispering voices and an attractive physique in front.

"How dat work? What's it do?" He asked, pushing his pants down past his hips and leaning slightly to tug the tight garment off from his ankles.

“Mhmm.” Ryden hummed out a confirmation, glad to see that the siren was following him, as best as he could given the situation and what Ryden was sure was a pretty lame explanation. But in his defense, he had some more research to do. He just hated hiding things from Marsden, so the reveal of what Ryden had been pondering over ever since he saw Marsden lose it that day had been a little premature. What Ryden wanted to make sure of from here on was that every step of the way was something he shared with Mars, every little tidbit of info he’d come across, so the siren was always aware and in the loop.

He held Mars by the arm as he leaned over to pull his pants completely off, not because Marsden really needed the support but because the gesture mattered. And because touching the siren in any way was just a thing Ryden always wanted to do. When Mars stood upright again, socks and underwear the only clothing left, Ry wrapped his arms around his waist, his seat at the edge of the tub making the height difference between them even more obvious. Cheek pressed against Mars’ chest, top of his head fitting snugly under the siren’s chin, he listened for the other man’s heartbeat, an echo of a life loved to its every little atom.

“Guess they’ll be tattooin’ it on me. The bloke I asked about it said it blocks magic. A magic that blocks magic, f’dat makes sense.” He spoke against the pale skin of the siren, right above the line of text covering the upper left side of his chest. Undoubtedly there was a tensing of Ryden’s middle beneath his jeans, an involuntary reaction to the man in front of him that Ryden didn’t care to hide or calm down, even if the evening might not lead there because there were other, more pressing matters to attend to. Yet it was there nevertheless, because this glorious man moved him in all the right ways, without fail, every time. If he could just press him into himself until he melted in, that would be good.

Mars immediately noted the word choice of the other man, his arms naturally wrapping loosely around the neck and shoulders of the one who was holding him around his middle, blue eyes looking down to the top of the perfectly styled hair. “It’s already decided?” He asked, taking the way Ryden phrased it as a certainty, they will be, as if it was already sorted and all he needed to do was be there and it would happen.

He can’t wait to leave you. Worthless. You’re worthless. Silly papi. So silly. Shhh..

“When d’ya leave?” Mars asked quietly, his fingers rubbing at the back of Ryden’s neck and smoothing over a firm shoulder blade then back up again, fingers raking over the closely cut hairs at the back of Ryden’s head, trailing a tender path with his fingers. “Mm an’ d’ya mind lookin’ at me when ya talk? It’s kinda loud in here,” not referring to the rushing of the water as it filled the tub to his own mind, chattering anxieties that didn’t stop, they only got quieter or louder.

It felt like a jab at him, at the fact that he’d come to some decisions alone. It was true, Ryden was much too used to pulling everything alone, ever since childhood. Even while a pack was a group of people, he still held a position in it alone. He was used to making decisions alone, doing things alone, taking action alone. Guess Marsden got him there. Ryden’s lips pursed into a pout and he buried his face further against Mars’ chest, hiding from what he felt was an accusation coming from the other man.

A simple shrug was given to Mars’ question because when he would leave was certainly not decided on yet,The tender touch of his fingers helped though, stopped Ryden from defending himself without thinking things through first. At the request however, he immediately looked up, steel-colored gaze meeting the ocean blue. “What’s it sayin’?”

"Ya know I trust ya," he said to the wolf. He too knew the other man with the well known intimacy that came from knowing someone over the span of many years and ways, they knew each other as friends, as more than friends, as partners through life, the only thing they hadn't ever been was strangers. He recognized the way Ryden had buried his face instead of replying, he was hiding, "More'n myself sometimes."

"Nothin' good," the siren replied back, leaning over to press his lips to the top of Ryden's forehead when he turned his attention up to him, back arching to maintain a close proximity and a meeting of metal of ocean.

“I can’t sit an’ do nothin’ while yer goin’ through shit.” He didn’t need to hide to say that, he would say it loud and clear any place, any time, and he said it to the blue eyes that looked down at him, with trust Ryden knew Mars always had for him. It wasn’t that he doubted himself either. If something needed to be done, Ryden would do it, and there was only one force in the world that could stop him. But he had become so sensitive to the man he held. If Marsden so much as breathed wrong, it disrupted Ryden’s entire world. Ever since the day they officially moved in together, he realized that. He couldn’t bear to know that Mars thought less of him, couldn’t bear having him mad or disappointed at him, could not bear not doing right by him. Not becoming a better person for the siren or his daughter would be the greatest failure of Ryden’s life, of all the failures he’d been so far, and he’d been many.

“It’s lyin’. Wha’ever’s it sayin’, it be lyin’.” He squeezed his arms tighter around Mars’ waist, as if he could maybe squeeze the poison that were the voices out of him too. But he didn’t dare squeeze too hard. “What’s the fucker lyin’ ‘bout?” He asked as Mars leaned away from the kiss to his forehead. His arms dropped from him then, so he could briefly turn to stop the tap from running. If he left it much longer, the tub would overflow.

“I know, I’ll just, yanno, be missin’ ya,” but he wasn’t upset that Ryden had come to this decision on his own, or had already made some plans. Ultimately, Marsden trusted that anything Ryden decided would be beneficial. There was no one he trusted more. If Ryden felt this was the right thing to do then Marsden believed it too.

The siren sighed and even let out a low and wry chuckle from the squeeze, “Ya really wanna know?” With some space made when Ryden turned off the faucet, the siren used his toes and feet to remove his socks while still standing, kicking them off to the side once removed. Thumbs dipped beneath the waistband of his boxer briefs, holding there for a breath before he started to slide them down, naked and vulnerable in more ways than one. This garment too joined the growing pile on the bathroom floor as he stepped into the warm water, peaks of bubbles grazing against his legs. “I’ll tell ya, if ya really want, but it ain’t good things,” he warned again.

“When I go sumwhere, it jus’ means I’ll come back.” He reassured, as best as he knew how, which was probably not the most comforting way. But it was the most truthful one. What Ryden lacked in subtlety and gentleness, he made up with honesty. He scooted over while Mars undressed, to give the other man some room to slip into the tub.

“Yea. I wanna know wha’ever ya know ‘bout it.” And there was not a shadow of a doubt in Ryden’s mind. It would simply be better to know, if he was going to help.

"Ya better come back 'er my landlady will flip with all dese changes to da lease and I'll tell ya," Mars asserted, dipping his hand into the water and now flicking some bubbles and water at the werewolf, "but ya better get in here too cuz it's cold in here," a playful taunt to ease the mood of an otherwise unsavoury discussion. The water wasn't cold at all, it was pleasantly warm but it lacked a certain warmth that only the wolf could provide and to get through this talk the siren would need firm arounds back around him anchoring him in place.

“Oh yer landlady’s gunna flip?” Ryden parroted, letting some playful bitterness seep into his words, flinching away a little as Mars flicked bathwater at him. He got up to get his shaving foam and a razor, in case Mars did decide to shave his face like he’d said he would. Leaving those on the side of the tub, he made quick work of taking off what was left of his clothes and got in, lowering himself into the water on the opposite side of the tub from Mars. The siren had mentioned that he needed to see his face while they talked, because of the voices whispering in his head. Better to face each other for this.

The tub was pretty spacious for one person, but with two broad, tall men squeezing in, it wasn’t the most comfortable. However, neither of them ever minded that. Ryden leaned back, slipping his legs under Marsden’s, helping him maneuver his longer ones atop, since it would probably be more comfortable for him to keep them bent a little. He sighed at the feel of warm water and ticklish bubbles around him, easing his body into the warmth to release the remnants of tension from a day of hard work at the car shop. With one employee less again, he had to pick up some slack. But his eyes remained on the other man, ready when he was ready, hands slick with water and soap running over what he could reach of the siren’s legs.

Marsden elongated his arms in front of him, fingers trailing up from the wolf’s wrists and along firm forearms decorated in tattoos and bespeckled with foamy bits of scented soap bubbles, he was aware of the eyes of the wolf on him but he for now kept his gaze following the path his hands were making.

It may not be visually obvious, but Marsden was quiet because he was listening, not to anything that the wolf could hear, something deep that plagued his mind, a burdened weight of voices he carried with him. The siren’s head tilted ever so slightly to the side, eyes still lowered so his dark lashes ghosted over the tops of cheekbones when he blinked, with a flick of blue he looked up and met the metal gaze of the wolf in front of him, “Ya hate me. Ya wanna leave. Ya can’t wait to get away from me. Ya won’t come back. Yer gonna get hurt. Maria Elena is crying. Someone is screaming. You hate me. I’m worthless. Someone will take her away. Dey’re coming. Dey’re here. She’s crying. I’m worthless. I deserve dis. I’m worthless. Stupid. Silly me, thought I could be happy. You hate me. Everyone hates me. I can’t make it stop. I’m a m –” he stopped, voice caught in his throat. Murderer.

He knows. He knows. He hates you. He’ll leave you. They’ll come. They’ll take her. They’re coming.

Blue eyes flooded with horror, awash with cold and hot fear shot straight into his heart that clamored chaotically in his chest as the auditory hallucinations started to feel real. “Dat’s,” he blinked hard and gulped even harder, hands started to withdraw from their place on the wolf’s forearms, “Dat’s what dey’re sayin’.”

Ryden gave him time, as much time as Marsden may need to open up about this and tell him what’s been going on in his head, give the voices a voice outside of him so Ryden would know what they spoke of. Unlike the siren, whose eyes followed at first what his hands did, Ryden’s remained on the other man, watching and waiting, committing the gentle swoop of Marsden’s eyelashes over his cheekbones to dear memory. When Mars looked up at him finally, he was ready to meet his gaze.

He noticed him withdraw in the face of the horrible words the voices filled his head with, curl into himself and into the terror of it all. Ryden would not let that happen. He refused. Grabbing Mars’ forearms in an anchoring grip, he leaned forward and closer, pulling the other man to him, the action made easy by the slick ceramic the tub was made of and the soapy water that made the siren’s weight lighter. Wet palms pressed into Marsden’s cheeks, smooshing them, Ry getting their faces only mere inches away. He looked into the crystal blues as if they were a well he’d dropped something into.

“M-what? Monster? Madman?” He questioned, deep frown setting in as he peered into blue portals to the soul most dear to him. “You’re Marsden Lee. Yer My Man. Yer a badass Motherfucker and yer Mine. M- what else? There’s nothin’ else. Fuck anythin’ else. Ya hear me?”

Tell him. Tell him. He'll leave. He'll hate you. He already hates you. You're nothing. Worthless. Murderer.

The voices railed inside of his mind, against the rough reassurances of the other man before him, contradicting everything in way that made more sense to him than anything else because how could he be so silly to believe this was real. The siren tried to shake his head, to back away further but firm hands kept him in place, unable to look away from the ferocious silver steel eyes that ran him through, piercing and unyielding. The only thing Ryden would see in the center of his oceanic eyes was terror and a storm and it wanted to be released. He could almost hear the thunder.

Tell him. Tell him. Murderer. Murderer.

Shaking hands grasped the backs of Ryden's, wanting to pry between the fingers that held either side of his face but just clung to him instead.

“No.” Ryden shook his head, keeping his hands on Mars’ face, not letting him get away. “Nope. Not gunna happen.” He leaned in even further, pressing their foreheads together, his gaze never wavering away from the other’s, no matter what he saw in them. “Come back t’me. This is where ya belong. To me. I ain’t lettin’ go.” He insisted, voice not rising but remaining firm, piercing. “Ya hear me? Hear. Me. Stay here. With. Me. Breathe.” He was demanding it now, palms pressing over Marsden’s ears, Ryden’s lungs taking in a deep breath and exhaling it through pursed lips against Mars’ face. “Breathe.”

Weak. Weak. Weak. Worthless. You're nothing. Make it stop. You can't make it stop.

The voices were right, he didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve him but he wanted him, didn’t want to lose him, would fight against the very marrow of his bones to keep him. It was an ever cyclical curse, filling his head with all his worst nightmares and making them come true, forcing him to do terrible acts, forcing him to kill in order to satiate the curse which would only further rationalize the voices once they returned, screaming horrible truths that he couldn’t deny. It would have been easier to ignore them if they spoke lies. But he was a murderer and he didn’t deserve this kindness. He was worthless. He would be hated and when the truth came out they would take his daughter away from him and Ry would leave and he would be alone and shunned as the murderer that he is left only with the voices who ruined him.

Drown him.

Mars took in a shuddering breath, trying to mirror Ryden's deep breath and ground down on his teeth, the ocean of his eyes encircled with flames of determination from an inward battle he didn’t want to lose, "Ry, I’m scared. I can't make it stop. They tell me to hurt people, to drown them to make it stop but I can't -- don't wanna do it anymore and I’m terrified of myself – of what I’m capable of. I’ve killed people." The storm broke, crash landed in his chest, torrential downpour from his eyes, “I’m a murderer.” He couldn’t keep looking at him, shut his eyes so tight he could see lightning behind the storm clouds in his eyes.

Everything in Ryden froze, like a bucket of ice water was dumped on him suddenly. This could not be. Anything but that. Not Marsden, this couldn’t be happening to him, not to him. The final ultimate cruelty of murder and being the one guilty of it, an irreversible guilt one could do nothing about but take it to their own grave. Not this, Marsden did not deserve this pain, this regret. Ryden’s expression broke and he shut his eyes too, for a moment his own pain for the other man too great to keep looking at it. He shook his head. Not this, anything but this…

His hands moved to grip the back of Marsden’s neck, for a better hold onto him for dear life, so he wouldn’t accidentally bruise his face because he clung on, he clung on desperately now, clung hard enough to maybe hurt. His heart was shattered glass full of love for the siren, bleeding red for being broken but never letting an ounce, a single drop of that love spill.

“Look at me.” His voice cracked, actually cracked when he spoke again, eyes rimmed red but dry when opened. “Let me love you anyway. Look at me and let me love you anyway.”

Damp lashes fluttered open on command, his own grip leaving crescent moon prints against the wrists of the werewolf, desperate to hold onto him lest he try to draw away from him, he couldn't bare it, not an inch of separation. He took the bruising strength of the werewolf's hands to the back of his neck gratefully, would take all of it as long as he didn't let him go.

What came next went against everything in his head, against every cruel thought and whisper of malice and rendered the siren frozen in the face of it. If he hadn't been staring at the man when he spoke he would have thought it was fake, another voice, trying to play tricks on him, telling him lies to make believe all would be well, giving him a false sense of security before taking it all away but he'd been watching the mouth move, the words that tumbled out of them, the break in the wolf's voice when he said them.

He's lying. He's lying. He's a liar. He hates you. You're a murderer. No one will forgive you.

The voices didn't like being proved wrong. Horrible screams filled his head, dying gurgles of final breaths, reminders of the lives he had ended with the same hands now holding onto the wolf, the same grip that didn't let go until the final bubbles of life had left empty throats. Even if it wasn't real, even if it was fake, Marsden didn't want to let go of this love, the privilege of not being cast aside and reneged as a murderer was not to be taken lightly and he surged forward, a crashing course to connect, riptide of water and bubbles splashing around their bodies in the cramped ceramic tub. Only him. Only he could take the terror in his heart and turn it into love.

The relief of having Marsden look at him again, hear the words Ryden spoke despite whatever atrocities were echoing in his head, trying to silence everything else, telling him all the terrible things about himself, others and what crimes against his own being to commit, was like a stone dropping off Ryden’s chest and into the sloshing water around them. He could not allow a day when he would not be able to pull Mars out of it, when he would lose him to the curse and those despicable voices. This could not, would not let it happen and it only fired up the determination Ryden already had. He would search far and wide, high and low for what would bring the siren peace, for what would stop this once and for all. He would not stop until he’d found it. He would not stop until Mars was happy and safe.

He let the siren crash into him, arms wrapping, grabbing whatever they could reach, all of him, everything, holding to never let go. Marsden was the dearest, most beloved, his and his and only his and he would probably never know just how strongly Ryden could love. And he will love him, until he was safe, until he was protected, until the voices were dead and buried and gone. He would love him until nothing but love was left. If an embrace could tell a tale, Ryden’s would be telling this one - of one holding the other until nothing but love was left.

Marsden left room for nothing between them, squeezing himself impossibly close, chest to chest so every breath and beat of hearts could be felt, speaking a truth, unraveling a secret language known only to them that was stronger than any curse, louder than the hissing voices in his head.

He turned his head, lips intent on colliding against the other, to mold mouths together and deliver another truth through the exchange of breaths, I love you. I will love you forever. Come hell or high water.

Ryden kissed back, an air-tight press of lips, hands returning to the side of Mars’ face, wet fingers slicking back black hair, combing it away. Every touch was loving, every move of his lips was a confession Ryden was too clumsy to make with elaborate words. He didn’t stop there, he kissed elsewhere too - the bridge of Mars’ nose, his cheeks, forehead, chin, temples, then brought the siren’s long fingers up, kissing knuckles and wet palms. He placed them on his own face, so even if Marsden might not be able to hear him over the voices, at least he could feel him, that he was there and not gonna go away. And when he was done kissing, he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him over as he leaned back, brought the siren down to rest against his chest, held tightly and safely above water, so he could float away on Ryden like on an emergency raft, paddling across whatever ocean sunk Mars’ boat. The bubbles were almost all gone, the water would soon get cold but Ryden couldn’t care less. He would hold him like this until he was ready to face the outside world again, where they would keep on fighting and searching for a cure for this. But in the meanwhile, he will be a raft in the high water.

He didn't realize it was possible to love him already so intensely only fall in love with him again and again all within the span of a few seconds, each pressing kiss another confession renewed. Stubble against his lips and fingers reminded Marsden that there was still a life to live outside of this moment, outside of the water, outside of this kiss he didn't want to end, oil and grime that still needed to be properly washed away, facial hair to be shaved.

Without a word, Mars started to shift, leaning away from the impossibly close embrace they'd managed to maintain within the cramped ceramic tub, water sloshing quietly along the sides, microbubbles of the soap fading. The voices were still there, they were always there now, no less quieter than they were before but he ignored them, red rimmed eyes tunneled with focus as he cupped his palms into the water and raised them up to trickle water over the wolf's head, wetting his hair to begin the process of cleaning him. The least he could do would be to wash his hair, scrub his shoulders, and shave his face.

He released a deep sigh, and for a moment, grey eyes were glued to the ceiling, watching wisps of steam rise up with what was left of the water’s warmth. For now, he was blank, though later at night when Mars falls asleep, he would replay this moment over and over again, think it up and down, think it backwards and sideways, think it stupid in silence and secret until he found a solution to everything. Until he’d found at least an idea of a fix, while sneaking out of their bed to smoke at the living room window, thinking how perhaps Sarah’s ghost was watching over him still, thinking of how his own bloody hands, unworthy of a good deed, should somehow perform goodness that held promise of elusive happiness, mindful not to wake up the precious little baby that wasn’t his but he loved her as if she were while he gave her all that love his own child never got a chance to receive. While he waited for a faceless man to appear in the light of a single lamp post below the window. While he told the wolf to quiet its impatient howl. While he thought of mum far away and alone. While he thought it all stupid.

One thing at a time, Ryden Bolt. One thing at a time. His eyes fluttered closed as water trickled over his face, and he blinked it away, looking down at the man he held. A lazy slanted smirk quired his lips. “Ya tryin’a water me, baby? Am I a flower?” His voice was hoarse for no reason. Maybe because his throat was closed up before he finally spoke.

Mars did not respond right away, his actions slowed but didn't stop, a slow blink away as a lingering tear slipped out, "Mhm," a hummed confirmation as he put shampoo into the center of his palm and started to rub and massage it through styled hair, gently breaking down the gel and products kept to keep it in place during the long hours of the day, raking long fingers across the soap foam and against his scalp. "My lotus." His own voice equally hoarse and low.

“I blossom in your care.” His grin widened as his eyes closed to prevent water from trickling into them,bowing his head so Marsden could reach it better, release the products that kept Ryden’s hair back and straight and from curling up into soft ringlets if left to their own devices. “I’ll never walk away. Even if ya do, I won’t walk away.” He said, seemingly randomly, with the same casual tone he’d joked with about being watered. “I’d sleep like a mutt under yer window. Or on yer door mat. I’ll guard yer gate even if ya won’t let me into the house. Yer my person. I’ll stay with ya no matter what. Cause dat’s how it is. I don’t make the rules.”

The siren's massaging fingers came to a pause as Ryden spoke, his words once again in direct contrast with the cursed words hissing in his head, injected poison for which Ryden held the antidote. Lower lip caught between teeth, tongue pushing against the old piercing hole, his hands lowered to the water, rinsing away the shampoo suds, soap foam joining with what was left of the bubble bath. A heavy breath inhaled that lifted his bare shoulders and when he exhaled he seemed to sag even further, head lowering until it hung heavily and the top of his head pushed forward to rest gently in the middle of the wolf's chest. He remained here for another series of long breaths and when he finally lifted his head again, his eyes filled with fresh tears that slid silently down the slopes of his cheeks and disappeared somewhere in the corners of his lips, filling his mouth with the taste of salt.

Mars cupped water in his palms again and poured it out over top of the wolf's hair, rinsing away the shampoo, resuming the tender task, smoothing his hands across freshly washed hair, pushing the strands to lay flat against the top of Ryden's head. "Our house," he said back quietly, emotion always turned his voice into coarse sand, "can't keep ya out of it. It's yours," he picked up the can of shave cream and dispensed some onto his fingers, "mine," he started to spread the cool foam along Ryden's jawline, covering all the areas that grew facial hair which would be attended to, "ours."

Ryden peeked through squinted eyes, wary of any droplets of water and shampoo potentially falling into them cause he hated that burning sensation whenever it accidentally happened. A wet hand came up to pinch the back of Mars’ neck, the tense skin and tendon of his favorite spot while Marsden was bowed and resting against his chest. “Aww. Ya feel sorry for me, moonbeam? Me sleepin’ on yer door mat makin’ ya feel sad?” He joked, knowing very well that was not it. He wanted to reach for Mars’ face again when he raised his head, to wipe off fresh tears that slid down his cheeks but the siren wanted to resume washing his hair so Ry closed his eyes again, shielding them from the water.

“Yeah?” He asked as he lifted his chin, to give the other better access to the areas that needed to be shaved, which was Ryden’s almost entire lower face. “Ya okay to take a stray in? Is dat why ya givin’ me a bath? Cause ya wanna keep me?” Maybe if he was the one who doubted and Mars was the one trying to convince him, maybe the siren would end up believing his own words, believe that they both weren’t going anywhere, that they were exactly where they wanted to be.

With a finger covered in shave cream, the siren dabbed a dollop of excess onto the point of the wolf's nose before rinsing the shaving cream from his fingers so he could rub at his eyes to clear away the remaining emotions that filled them, washing away the salt from his tears with a couple of swipes of wetted hands before taking up the razor. "Mhm," he said softly, carefully using one hand to angle Ryden's jawline before laying the blade of the razor against the skin and making his first swipe, feeling the short strands of facial hair grate away beneath the blade, "I'm keepin' ya. You're mine."

Ryden chuckled at the feeling of a finger painting his crooked nose with shaving foam, letting Marsden get away with it this time. He would let him get away with anything right now. Besides, he had to sit perfectly still while a razor was applied to his face, only moving when Marsden angled his face to. He tried not to smile although he wanted to grin wide at Mars’ words. “Kay. Keep me, then.” He said simply, closing his eyes against the feel of Marsden’s careful hands, which said a lot. Ryden was the kind of man who never sat with his back turned to an exit point. The level of trust he had in Marsden was astronomical.

Marsden took his time, being careful as he maneuvered the sharp blade against his beloved's face, taking mindful strokes and doing his best to get as close a shave as he could manage, testing out the smoothness of a freshly shaven cheek by applying a tender kiss to the corner of Ryden's mouth. "A thing of beauty," Mars started to say, voice a low intonation like he was saying a prayer as he recited poetry, "Is a joy forever," he tilted up Ryden's jaw so he could reach the space beneath, "It's loveliness increase. It'll never pass into nothingness," his tongue peaked out the corner of his lip as he moved the blade carefully over the curving slope of the underside of his jawline, "but still will keep a bower quiet for us," he rinsed the blade and returned, cool wet fingers gently coaxing Ryden to turn his head to the other side, "and a sleep full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing."

Ryden was having one of those heavenly moments, those that involved long glances directed Marsden’s way as they drove anywhere, the siren in the passenger seat looking out the window and Ryden scanning the outline of his profile. Or in the mornings, just before they would get up to start their day, when Ryden’s rough fingertips ran gently down the length of Marsden’s spine as he took his time waking up, up to the neck than down again and then the same motion repeated. When they had dinner Ryden had cooked, and Marsden gobbled it down, humming and chewing and complimenting his skill with the food. When they played on the floor with Maria Elena and it drew Marsden’s silliest side out. When he gave in to the quiet of the room, focusing with a bent neck on his doodle notebook. All heavenly moments like this one.

Goosebumps raised the hairs on Ryden’s skin everywhere. He barely understood a word aside from knowing that it was poetry and that he loved how Marsden’s voice recited it, even if he could not decipher the meaning. But he could feel the emotion behind it, the loving carefulness with which the words were said and it melted him into the tub, his whole person like clay in Marsden’s hands.

Mars continued on with the verse and shaving the facial hair from Ryden's face until the skin left behind was smooth and clean and the siren finished the first stanza of the poem because the first stanza was the extent of his memory, "...an endless fountain of immortal drink, pouring unto us," he wet his hands and cleaned away the last remaining traces of the shaving cream from the sides of Ryden's face and neck, carefully and meticulously ensuring no specks were left behind, "..from the heaven's brink."

The siren kept his hands on either side of the wolf's face, feeling the smooth skin beneath his palms, long fingers weaving behind toward the short hairs at the back of his head and neck and brought their faces closer together so he could fully appreciate the finished product, nuzzling his cheek against the other, trailing lips along the angled slope of his jaw and to the corner of his mouth where he would press a deep and languid kiss, filling him up with as much affection as he could for there were simply no words to describe just how deeply he loved him, not even this kiss would be enough.

“That’s real pretty…” Ryden sighed out lazily, so perfectly content. At some point, he had gradually slid further against the side of the tub, arms draped over the back of it, a leg hooked over the edge and dripping water onto the tiles below. He was drifting pleasantly between wakefulness and sleep, the siren’s relaxing touch and meticulous way he did something so simple and mundane like shaving Ryden’s face lulling him into a rare state of ease, where he thought about nothing in particular, just existed in the moment to enjoy it to the fullest.

“Feels good…” The job Mars did with the razor, the touch, the affection, the kisses, their cheeks against each other, everything, all of it just felt so good that Ryden thought he would doze off right then and there and then just float away. “Want me to wash yer hair too?” He offered and although he looked like he’d rather never move again, he’d gladly do it for the siren if he wanted him to.

Mars smiled, his lips turned upward as they left caressing kisses against Ryden's face, "Only if ya want. Ya look like yer about to drift away, starshine." Things had grown a little bit quieter in his head, the voices no longer screaming, they'd taken a step backward and turned into low chatter like a radio in the other room that was left on too loud but low enough that he couldn't quite make out what they were saying, only knowing that they were still there.

“I want, I want.” Ryden forced his heavy eyelids to open, clearing his throat to jolt himself awake and sitting up straighter in the tub. He reached for the bath plug, cracking it open just a bit to drain some of the cooling, used water from it, turning the tap on at the same time so new clean fill would replace it. He’d grabbed one of Maria Elena’s little buckets off the floor, the ones she liked to play with while she had her baths, the plastic cute ones that were usually taken to the beach. This one was green and shaped to resemble a little turtle. He filled it up with clean, warmer water straight from the tap, then poured it over the top of Mars’ head carefully, his free hand on the other man’s forehead to shield his eyes from the trickling water even though he probably didn’t have to.

He was likely not as careful or gentle as the siren, hands clumsy and unused to these tasks, but he tried really hard to be considerate. Once the raven hair was thoroughly soaked, he left the little bucket to float around in the tub and worked the shampoo into the slightly longer hair strands than his own, careful fingertips massaging the scalp until the product foamed up. Then he proceeded to give the siren a mohawk, rolling individual strands into spikes and although most refused to stand perfectly straight, he did a good enough of a job. “Was thinkin’, mebbe if I go, it’ll be next month?” It was a question rather than a declaration, the wolf now finding it safe to return to the previous topic, a frown of focus wrinkling his brows as he shaped Mars’ hair into the silly ‘hawk.

Mars remained still as Ryden poured water of his head, still smiling a little when he had shielded his eyes from the water to prevent it from going into them, his hands naturally finding a place to rest on top of the other man's legs. His smile started to fall away as the topic resumed, his blue eyes unfocused but directed in front of him at the tattooed broad chest of the other man, watching the patterns the ink near his shoulder and arm move as he scrubbed and massaged at the shampoo in his hair. He could feel his hair being manipulated to stand on end and squeezed the werewolf's thigh endearingly, "Look good?" Asking after the hair then immediately following up with a response, "Next month," not really a confirmation or a negation. "How long will ya be gone?"

The wolf nodded, admiring his work. Too bad he left his phone in the living room. “Couple’a weeks I think.” Was his response, followed by a shrug. “But I ain’t really sure. I dunno how everythin’ will go.” Because it was his first time going on a quest like this and he didn’t have all the necessary info just yet. He felt things getting tense again, or perhaps it was just him, he was unsure if he was picking up on Marsden’s energy or was anticipating his own fears there. “Close yer eyes tight.” He instructed, about to ruin his own work to rinse Mars’ hair off. He picked up the little bucket, filling it up with clean tap water. “But we can go for other things too, yanno. See f’they do sum good first.” He made another suggestion because if something else worked, then maybe Ryden wouldn’t need to go away.

The problem was, they needed to be very careful in the town. No one could find out what Marsden just told Ryden. This pretty much made a few options go down the drain. Because they may require someone else to know the details. And Marsden had revealed that some of the details the two would just have to take to their graves.

Mars did as instructed now and shut his eyes so the water could be poured over his head and the shampoo soap rinsed away, he kept his eyes shut even after it was safe to open them. "Like what sorta things?" He didn't say it but he had the same thoughts, that what was shared in this tub and in this moment could not be shared elsewhere. If it got out, if anyone else found out then surely this perfect little life they created together would get obliterated.

“There’s a ring I’ve found in an antique shop in town that f’ya wear it an put it to yer temple, it allows only one thought at a time. Blocks out everythin’ else. Not ideal but, like, in a pinch… Uh, the hospital offers them like uh acoustic treatments. They put ya in a sealed box and ya float in this super salty water and they mebbe release sum sound waves in there, I don’t know. Calms sum sirens down. Uh, there’s dis witch that brews sum nasty teas with sum effects. We can also try an exorcism? Uh…” Ryden trailed off, revealing that he pretty much looked into everything imaginable that could be found in town. Having rinsed the shampoo out of Mars’ hair, he ran his fingers through it, combing it back and squeezing out excess water. Tucking wet strands behind the siren’s ears, he shrugged. “Wha’ever yer up for. We’ll go do it t’gether. Jus’ give it a go f’we see dat it can’t hurt.”

Mars kept his eyes closed, luxuriating in the feeling of Ryden's fingers as they threaded through the wet strands, raking gently across his scalp to ease out any excess water that dribbled down the sides of his face and back of his neck, listening as he spoke of a few options. His features twisted with amusement when Ry said they could try an exorcism, opening up one eye just a crack to peek out at the wolf as the siren smirked, "Think I got a somethin' in me 'er somethin'?"

“Oh now yer jus’ beggin’ for me t’say sumtin’ stupid.” Ryden chuckled, having stroked pretty much all extra water out of Mars’ hair that he possibly could but still ran blunt fingernails over the siren’s scalp, just enjoying the contact. “Yer on yer own with that one tho, prolly not smart for me t’git one. I’ll jus’ watch.”

The siren hummed softly, unable to keep himself from leaning his head more into the wolf's hands, "Voyeur," he teased, "I always knew ya liked to watch." He gave the other man a taunting look paired with his signature catlike grin, full of silent laughter but the expression looked painted, genuine but false at the same time with the memory of his tears still hanging around his eyes and reddening the point of his nose. He let out a breath through his teeth and sighed, "Ya think it'll work though?" A pause before he clarified, "Da tattoos?" Not the exorcism. He didn't think that would work.

Ryden shrugged humbly at the teasing accusation. “Never said I wasn’t.” At some point he’d stopped running his hands through Marsden’s hair and now just had a palm resting against his cheek, thumb rubbing away any droplets of water that dared to slide over. He reached to turn the tap off and re-plug the tub, now re-filled with hot, clean water but none of the bubbles really remained. “That one’s my best bet. S’why I mentioned it first.” But that was it, just a bet. Maybe none of it will work. That only meant Ryden would have to keep on looking, nothing else.

Mars touched his fingers against the back of Ryden's hand that rested against his cheek, tips of his fingers trailing over the bumps and valleys of his knuckles, tracing a prominent vein felt over the skin on the back of his hand then up the individual lengths of each finger until his palm landed against the back of his hand and his fingers pushed between Ryden's. "Risky business," he commented softly, pushing his cheek into Ryden's warm palm, the blues of his eyes trained on the other man, adoration in every blink.

He tried to think of any other questions he might have but the bottom line was that he just wanted Ryden back already and he hadn't even left yet. He was missing him already. "You'll call me when ya can?"

Ryden gave him a one shoulder shrug. “Will do. Whenever I can. But when I don’t, jus’ know it’s prolly cause I ain’t got no signal. That’s all.” He warned, knowing that he will not be going somewhere with easy access. Radio silence was possible. He leaned in then, giving a damp eyebrow a little kiss. “My man. Don’t yer eyes ever git tired o’bein’ so big, beautiful and blue?” He cooed softly, tilting his head as he gazed into the siren’s oceans. “Ya gotten pruny? I got a lil pruny. Wanna rinse?” He offered, not minding it either way.

Mars wasn't entirely happy with that response, his lips pursed into a slight frown, about to begin pouting in disgruntled indignation at how it seemed Ryden wasn't going to be missing him all too much when the kiss to his brow and the compliment of his eyes served as ample distraction that turned the frown upwards back into a smile. "Nope. I got magic eyes that ain't never get tired," and he blinked a fluttering of lashes at the wolf. "Yea, we can rinse. Prunes are nice in moderation but too many prunes ain't so nice."

Of course he’d noticed the little pout, even if it was short-lived. It did some warm and fuzzy things to the inside of his chest, to see this strong, beautiful, independent man pout like a little brat over something Ryden may or may not have done. “Yer magic all o’er. Better than magic. A miracle.” He delivered one more kiss to Mars’ forehead before he stood up, turning the shower head above on. “You was gunna say sumtin’ weren’cha? Get the bath plug while yer down there, by the way.”

Mars tugged at the plug with the crook of his finger, releasing the water so it would slowly drain down the bottom of the tub as he rose to stand, needing to take hold of Ryden's leg and then his hand and the side of the wall as the place was quiet cramped and he didn't want to slip, "Mm, was I?" Mars pondered innocently, now standing in front of the other man. "Whaddya think I was goin' to say?"

“Oh, ya didn’t? Sorry. My bad.” He shrugged, playing dumb, helping Marsden up only to give him a little, careful push against the chest and make him step under the warm stream of the showerhead.

As water cascaded down from the crown of his head, he collected some in his mouth and squirted it out in Ryden's direction.

Ry snorted, not even bothering to defend from this attack. “Jerkface. Hurry up and rinse. M’hungry.” He leaned away to grab some shower gel to lather up first.

"Ya rushin' me?" Mars hummed, turning to face the stream as hands pushed back water slicked hair, the stream hitting his chest, "Imma take my time, not like we only have a month or so before ya leave for some wherever place dat has no signal."

“Yea, yea, like m’goin’ dere t’put a lime in a coconut.” He rolled his eyes, scrubbing up real quick, paying special attention to his hands out of habit. He extended his arm then, fingers a mere inch away from Mars’ very exposed and ticklish nipple. “Ya sure ya wanna git all sassy with me? Hell yea, m’rushin ya.”

Mars immediately started to flinch, his arms curling in defense against his chest, one hand covering his exposed nipple and the other ready to smack Ryden's hand away if he got any closer. "Don't ya dare."

“Then don’t git sassy with me and jus’ tell me to tell ya m’gunna miss ya. Punk.” He retrieved his hand, carefully making a move to get out of the tub, all soaped up still. “Fine, wha’ever, take yer time.”

"Noo, come back," Mars whined, wrapping his arms around Ryden’s body to keep him from leaving, his cheek pressing firmly against soaped up skin. "Tell me you'll miss me, dat ya don't wanna go, dat even if there's no signal you'll try to call me anyway." He held onto him tightly, so tight, not wanting to let go and leave the shower because that would mean it would get them closer to a tomorrow where one day they would say goodbye. "We talk everyday and see each other every day. I dunno what to do when we can't do either."

Ryden smiled, but not triumphantly as he usually would whenever he got his way with things. It was a different sort of a smile, a gentle one, perhaps even bittersweet. “I’ll miss ya baby. More than the air I breathe. But I wanna go, cause I don’t ever wanna lose ya. Never wanna ‘ave what’s in yer head take ya away from me.” He squeezed what he could reach of Mars’ arm wrapped around him. “And I’ll call every day, even if there ain’t no signal, I’ll check every hour if it’s back.” He lowered his voice then, to a tone so strongly determined and dangerous. “Them whispers in yer head ain’t got no business interruptin’ our every day talks. I will fuck them up. I swear it I will fuck them up. You will not cry for nothin’, baby. Not under my watch. Not ever again.”

The siren stepped away, loosening his hold on Ryden’s body and both pulling and pushing the wolf’s body, if he did not refute the action, to encourage him to stand now beneath the stream of water so he could rinse off the soapy lather if he wished, and to also get him further away from the shower’s exit. “I’m a greedy fuckin’ bastard, ain’t I,” he said, posed a question though it wasn’t really and he didn’t expect a response, “but I love ya,” he slid his hands down tattooed forearms until Mars could loosely lock his fingers with Ry’s, “...and,” he started by looking at Ryden but his gaze and head soon dropped, unable to maintain eye contact, “I really…” Mars sighed softly and brought his eyes to lock onto his, “Yer probably gonna tell me I don’t gotta say it but I do, baby. Thank you. I mean it. You are more than I could ever hope to deserve and ya do so much fer me. Ya hate magic but yer willin’ to get magic tattoos done and… it’s a lot. I know it is… and I love ya,” then the edges of his lips turned upwards into a wry slant, “Vehemently.”

He stepped into the stream of the shower, now absently rinsing himself off as he listened to Mars speak, until the siren slid his hands down his arms to lock his fingers around Ryden’s. He held his hands back, letting the water falling down on him do the rest. His serious expression shifted to return the wry grin he was getting. “I know what dat word means now.” He said with a hint of childish pride. “Ya ain’t greedy. Yer jus’ right for me.” He reassured, slipping one hand out so he could wrap it around the siren’s neck, pulling him in for a wet forehead kiss. “And I also think we’re exactly what us two deserve. So ya can thank me moonbeam, but know I’d do it either way. Cause I love ya. And that’s what’s done when ya love sumone.” He let them both rest for a moment in this half-hug under the shower before he released Marsden, finishing up the rinsing. “Okay, now I’m really a prune. Gettin’ out.” He warned before he actually made a move to leave the tub first.

"Yea ya do," Mars returned with full adoration for his man, wry smirk turning into a dreamy smile at the affectionate kiss to his forehead. He loved that and lingered in the half-hug for as long as Ryden allowed before he released him and started to move that he was going to leave the tub and shower. "I'll be out in a minute," he said to the other man, now taking up the body wash so he could lather himself up and clean up the important parts that needed it and would rinse himself off shortly, not wasting too much more time in the shower since they had spent an awfully long time in there already and even though he was a siren who thrived in water, there was a life outside that needed living.

@wolfontheloose

#para: ryden #auditory hallucinations tw #murder tw #disturbing imagery tw #drowning mention tw #it's from ages ago! but here it issss #realized we never posted this oneee

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