#meaning that since induction is only once a month i likely won’t be able to start until october. meaning the college won’t be able to run

[fingertipsmp3]

Knowing before I even go to sleep that tomorrow is going to be a weird day is like… I very much hate this

[statticscribbles]

Snake Dance

Summary: Sweet Pea/Reader Request: Sweet pea’s gf decides to become a serpent and performs the dance in the white wyrm in front of everyone including him.

You’d been dating Sweet Pea for months. You’d been half welcomed into the Serpent’s you knew they’d protect you; you were Sweet Pea’s girl after all. “Hey Toni?” You ask when she sits next to you at lunch. “What’s up Y/N?” “Do I have to talk to FP or Jughead about joining the Serpents?” “Really?” she looks you up and down. “Yes.” “You’re not doing this because of Sweet Pea are you? Like you’re not doing this just to be closer?” “Sort of. I want to be with him; but you and Fangs are two of my closest friends now; and I feel like we’ve bonded and I just;I feel safe with all of you. And I love the leather badass aesthetic you guys have.” Toni smiles.

“You could’ve just said it cause you like leather and I would’ve been fine with it. Jughead’s who you want to talk to about the trials. Beside’s the dance; you’ll have to come back to me for that.” “Dance?” She nods smirking. “Sweet Pea is going to thank me.” She laughs and you leave to find Jughead. “Jughead; can we talk for a second?” “Yeah? Is something wrong?” “I want to join the Serpents.” “Oh thank fuck.”

“What?” “I told Sweet Pea he wasn’t allowed, hell none of them were allowed to recruit you cause it’s pretty weird having people you’re dating join up in the serpents if you’re not sure the relationship is going to last; so they have to come on there own, like you did.” “Oh. So the trials?” “You have to memorize the Serpent laws, show you’re fearless; and then the dance.” “Show I’m fearless?” “You’re not scared of snakes are you?” He grins and you shake your head. “Talk to Toni about the dance. She’ll show you everything about it.” He nods and you return to Toni after school. “So the dance, can you teach me?” “Of course.”

“Toni I’m going to die.” You groan flopping onto the couch. “You’ll be fine Y/N.” “No I’m pretty sure I’m going to die. I mean what if-“ “Don’t you’ve gotten most of the steps down.” “I can’t do the steps and the hand movements at the same time! That ruins it!!” You scowl and she laughs. “What?” “You do know you have like two weeks to learn this right? It’s only been three days since you asked about it.” “It still feels like not enough! I mean the laws and whatever the fearless thing is; I’m sure I can handle but the dance is what’s freaking me out. I feel like a four year old playing dress up.” You nudge the heel’s you taken off. “You’ll do fine, how about we start with the hand movements and then the dance; and then we can try them together again.”

It’s the night before the dance; you’ve done the other trials; repeating the laws was nerve wracking having everyone shouting and cheering; but it was nice how much more welcoming the Serpent’s had been even just by you committing to that. The snake on the other hand went surprisingly disastrous considering said snake was venom-less; not only did it bite you; but you managed to knock the blade free and have it slice you before you’d grabbed it out. FP had been relieved; commenting you hadn’t done as bad as Fangs’ who’d moved so suddenly that he’d smashed his fist through the glass tank. Toni’s favourite part of the story is when Fangs tried to defend himself; inadvertently cementing his nickname in everyone’s eyes. “We purposefully don’t have the dance the same night as the other trials; also; Toni picks the date for you to do it. It’s easier so we can make sure it’s just Serpent’s.” You nod as FP explains, as he finishes wrapping your hand. “It might scar; I’d advise at least two days to let it heal before any movement. Let alone the dance.” You frown as Toni brings you back home. “So? Any ideas?”

“Three days from now.” “Of course; I’ll let everyone know then.” She smirks and nods to your hand. “Better practice. And choose your outfit!” “Outfit? I thought I was just wearing underwear?” “Yeah; in front of all the Serpents; choose wisely.” She laughs and leaves you at your front door; you sigh; walking straight to your closet to look through your outwear first; you know this won’t matter as much, considering it’ll be removed within minutes. You still take your time smirking when you have an idea. You pull out the leather skirt you’d gotten mostly as a joke rolling the waistband so it’s almost a mini skirt and finding one of Sweet Pea’s old shirts to tuck into it. With that sorted you debate your bra and underwear; you ignore anything that’s not matching and finally break and message Toni. -Pink or black?- -We’ve never seen pink before- You grin pulling the pink set you have over; glaring at the heels wondering if they’ll match but as Toni and Cheryl reminded you; black goes with everything.

You make a point of not telling Sweet Pea, just enjoying the excuse that Toni invited you to the serpent’s party as a way to warm you up before you become an official serpent. You can feel when Sweet Pea’s eyes land on you and as the night goes on you don’t feel them off you once. Toni laughs using the excuse of girl talk to pull you away. “You ready Y/N?” “I don’t think I’m gonna die for now.”

“Good start.” She winks nodding to the stage where FP offers his hand out. You hadn’t realized he’d been talking, or that he introduced you but when you step up onto the stage and hear the crowd cheer you can’t help but smile at their excitement. They quiet as the music starts and you try your best to focus on Sweet Pea who seems extremely bothered that his shirt is the first thing to go. You know there wasn’t any rules on which you took off first, just that by the next beat both your top and bottoms had to be off leaving you in just your ‘snake skin’ to dance to. You can’t help but smile to yourself; you’d decided to go slightly more literal with the snake skin metaphor, choosing to wear the pink snake patterned bra set you’d gotten as a joke when Cheryl and Toni took you birthday present shopping for Sweet Pea. He hadn’t seen it, you’d just buried it in your drawers embarrassed at how revealing it was.

You can tell he’s pleased, his gaze tracking you as you slowly draw your hands up yourself and cross them over yourself before dipping down again to repeat the motion; snake charmer indeed you think, with how you can feel everyone’s eyes on you. You turn around, letting your hand slide up the opposite arm before you turn back to face everyone and repeat it on the opposite hand finishing with your hands wrapped around your own chest and neck as the song fades. You watch the crowd, they raise their hands in the fang gesture and you watch confused, before you realize they’re voting. You turn watching FP who’s eyes scan around the room; he laughs stepping forward.

“As If I’d say no. In unity-“ he turns to you holding his own hand in the gesture and you mimic, doing the same. “There is strength!” You all shout and can’t help the rush it brings to see everyone speaking as one. Toni’s next to you handing you your own jacket and you beam when she and fangs hug you. You watch; Sweet Pea letting everyone else congratulate you. You worried you’ve upset him but when you make it over to him redressed and sporting your new jacket his hands slide right under your clothes, one against your back pulling you against him and the other under your skirt.

“Why on earth did you not inform me that this is what you’d be wearing?” “Well it was supposed to be for your birthday, but we went out to Pop’s so I figured now would be a good time to use it.” “Well happy birthday to me, a few months late, but I don’t mind; now-“ “Sweet Pea! Quit hogging the newest snake! We wanna;” The serpent quiets himself when Sweet pea glares. “You can induct her into everything on Friday.” “Babe tomorrows Thursday.” “I know; we’re going back to my trailer for now; I expect you all to be able to carry on without us?” He grins and everyone nods varying degrees of disgust on their faces.

“So I’m guessing you liked it?” You laugh  as he pulls you towards his bike, pausing to nudge you agains the wall so he can kiss you. “Like is too soft a word.” “Soft? Does this mean there’s a harder word?” You laugh gasping when he presses himself against you. “Definitely something’s harder, but we both know it’s not the conversation.” “Well now I understand why you said I’ll be back on Friday.”

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[sunshinejihyun]

Reset Reaction Part 1: Where You’re Meant to Be

Summary: Childhood friends reconnect under the circumstances of Mint Eye

Word Count: 11.2K

Part Two

Masterlist

P.S. the wonderful artwork for this fic was created by @jihyun-appreciation-blog​. I am incredibly grateful they took the time to draw this 💙

You didn’t remember much from your childhood. In a way, that was probably a good thing; there were a lot of things that you didn’t want to remember. But two people from your childhood stuck out to you like a sore thumb: a dark haired boy with kind grey eyes named Jumin and bright, cerulean colored boy named Jihyun-who you were absolutely in love with as a seven year old.

You, Jihyun, and Jumin had been the only few children who were in the neighborhood you grew up in, so you all became fast friends, even though you were a few years younger than them, you spent the summer days playing tag and made snowmen in the winter. As you three were granted more freedom (more freedom meaning that you were able to walk two blocks to the convenience store, some money jingling in each of your pockets to buy some candy) Jihyun would proudly parade you around those two blocks, holding your intertwined hands above your heads and exclaim to anyone you passed that you two were “going to get married.” Jumin, of course, fully went along with this idea, just happy for the thought of all of you growing up together. If you and Jihyun were going to get married, then that’s what was going to happen.

You all had spent as much time together as seven year olds could and during that time, and you had grown closer to them than you were with your own family. Jihyun and Jumin were your family now. They comforted you when you were upset and played all sorts of games with you-they even played dress up on a few occasions and you had to admit, Jumin made a wonderful princess. You were three peas in a pod; if you saw one of them, the other two were probably parading close behind.

Your grandmother got sick when you were ten years old, so your father packed your family into a car and off you rode to go stay with her. You were heartbroken, of course; you never got to say goodbye to Jihyun or Jumin. The night before, you told them that you’d see them the next day and now, it was quite possible you’d never see either of them again. During the ride, you found yourself wondering about what Jihyun and Jumin were doing and what they were going to do when they realized you were gone. When tears started pricking your eyes, you quickly shook that thought out of your mind and leaned your head on your mother’s shoulder, quickly falling asleep.

But that was all in the past, your friendship with those two boys, you moving away to help your grandmother. Since your father passed away a few months after you turned 24, you were moving back to your old neighborhood with your mother, to continue carrying on the legacy of your fathers company. In the back of your mind, you found yourself wondering if Jihyun or Jumin would still be living in the same house you knew then to be at or if you’d see either of them again, but you knew that it would be a long shot; even if they were still there, they probably wouldn’t remember you. It was just a silly little childhood friendship.

Settling back into the elite lifestyle was like riding a bike; it was bumpy at first but after that, it was a smooth ride. You got a job working for a company C&R international was overlooking and you earned enough to keep you and your mother living comfortably.

There were a lot of defining moments in your life that made you who you were to this day. But a particular moment one day after work would help define the rest of your life.

You were standing outside of the office you worked in, waiting for your driver to come pick you up at the front when a boy with bright eyes and white hair, tips a little pink approached you. “I have a question for you.”

Looking up from your phone, you glanced at him hesitantly. He didn’t look too strange. What was the harm in answering his question? “What is it?”

“Have you ever wanted to escape this world?” He asked, his eyes almost glowing. “You look like there’s something that’s hurting you. We can help you.”

Glancing around, you didn’t see anyone else with him. “Who’s we?”

“If you come with me,” the boy held out his hand and you could feel yourself being drawn in to this person. His mysterious aura was almost intoxicating. “I can help make all the pain go away.” You must have looked hesitant since he reworded what he wanted to say. “You feel guilt. You carry it on your shoulders. Guilt from your childhood, perhaps?”

You grabbed his outstretched hand without a second thought, and that was the start of a new turning point in your life.

Two weeks after you met Ray and he introduced you to the Mint Eye, you thought everything about the facility was amazing. Everyone seemed so happy and at peace and you had to admit, you wanted to feel that way as well. You wanted the guilt that you hadn’t even realized you still carried about leaving Jumin and Jihyun to go away.

Out of all the believers you’d met in your time there, there was a specific young man who had piqued your curiosity. You didn’t know his name, all you knew is he had mint colored hair and looked like what you imagined Jihyun would look like at an older age. Except he had a deep sadness etched into his face, something you couldn’t imagine ever seeing on your old childhood friends face. So you spent your days watching him from afar, hoping he would show some sort of sign that he was your Jihyun. Little did you know, the young man named Jihyun watched you as well, wondering if you could possibly be the childhood best friend that he spent all his time with - the childhood crush who broke his heart when he woke up one morning to find you had disappeared.

You were a unique case to the Mint Eye. Usually, you’d go through the initiation ceremony as soon as you arrived at the facility. But Ray wanted to make sure you were comfortable and wanted to be there. You appreciated it since it gave you time to make sure this was what you wanted and by the end of the two weeks you spent there, you were sure it’s what you wanted. You wanted to be at peace like all the other believers there. You wanted to belong. So you and Ray finalized everything; he made sure the elixir you had to drink was sweet so you wouldn’t be grossed out and he made sure the savior was going to be there as well.

The night of your induction ceremony you were in your room getting dressed in a nice outfit and one of the Mint Eye’s signature robes that Ray had left out for you, when someone barged into your room, bright eyes blaring in concern. “Don’t go through with this. It’s not safe here.”

You were stunned, seeing the man you had been watching since you came to Mint Eye standing this close to you, his chest heaving up and down in panic. “What do you mean?”

“I have no time to explain. Please, just come with me and I’ll explain everything once we’re safe.” He was already tugging on your arm, looking both ways out of the door before pulling you behind after him.

“Stop.” You pulled your arm away from him and he turned back towards you, mouth hanging open in shock. “I don’t even know who you are. I want to be here, I can be happy here.”

He moved closer to you and cupped your face in both of his hands, staring intently into your eyes and you felt your mind go blank, only able to focus on him; everything about him was intoxicating - from the way he was looking at you to the way his mouth curved when he spoke, he was all you wanted to focus on. “MC, please listen to me. You won’t be safe here. That elixir they want you to take? It will numb parts of your brain, make you susceptible to anything Ray or the Savior wants you to do, and believe me, what they want you to do isn’t good. This isn’t a good place. At the beginning, this place seems like it’s heaven but the longer you stay, the more you become a skeleton of your old self. You won’t ever be able to escape.” His eyes searched yours for a moment and then he released your cheeks, stepping away from you and you found yourself wishing you could look into those bright eyes again. But now wasn’t the time to be thinking such thoughts. “So please come with me, before it’s too late. I just want to help.”

You silently took his hand after that, nervously chewing on your lip as he pulled you along corridors you didn’t even know existed. How would Ray react once he found out you were gone? Would he be able to find you? Those thoughts kept your mind occupied as you followed your rescuer, his grip on your hand still strong. Once you both reached a balcony, he gestured for you to climb down first and you quickly did so, dropping to your feet next to a red haired boy. Your eyes widened in panic and you looked up towards your rescuer who was climbing down as well. “Shh, I’m here to help. We’re going to get you somewhere safe.”

The cyanic hair colored man stumbled when his feet touched the ground and he looked at you, concerne etching in his eyes. “You’re okay? You’re not hurt or anything are you?” He looked towards the other boy before you could answer. “Luciel, you’re able to get us out the rest of the way undetected?”

The redhead - Luciel - nodded and silently led you both to a car, and you were all but pushed in the back seat before your rescuer climbed in behind you, closing the door as Luciel already started down the winding hill, leading you further away from what you thought would be your happiness. After sitting in silence for a moment, you turned to study the man next to you, only to find he was already staring at you. “Who are you? What’s going on?”

“You can call me V. We will explain everything to you once we know we’re safe. Your phone may be bugged and they could listen to everything we’re saying right now. Please, just stay patient with Luciel and I. We only want you to be safe.” You nodded your head, your eyes starting to feel heavy and you leaned your head against the cool window and felt yourself slowly drifting off.

As you woke, you found yourself laying in an unfamiliar bed. Looking around, you noticed the man who rescued you - V, you would remind yourself, was laying on another bed on the other side of the room. His chest moved up and down slowly, signalling he was still asleep. As quietly as you could, you left the room in search of a bathroom.

As you were wandering around the small cabin, you found Luciel sitting in a corner of what you could only presume to be the front room, two laptops sitting in front of him and he was typing away. “Have you been awake all night?”

You had scared him, and he turned around with blazing panic in his eyes. “MC, you’ve got to warn a fella before you sneak up on someone like that!”

You smiled apologetically before setting down on the couch, Luciel closing his laptops and turning to face you. “So, do you want to explain what’s going on?”

He bit his thumb nail and you took that moment to study him. He looked tired - no, exhausted, like this was at least the third night in a row he pulled an all nighter. “I think you should hear it from V.” You were about to protest and he held up his hand. “He holds the information you want. I have parts of it, but none of it makes sense to me. So, wait for V. He’ll explain everything to the best of his ability.”

You nodded, glancing around the room. “Then can I ask where we are?”

“A remote location I had used on another one of my jobs. Speaking of, can I see your phone?”

Handing your phone over, you laughed. “So you’re telling me this isn’t the first time you’ve had to go on a rescue mission to help a damsel in distress escape?” Seeing him fiddle with your phone suddenly raised a question. “Wait. Why do you need my phone?”

“Checking to see if it was bugged. If it is, it’s possible Mint Eye has been listening in to everything we’ve been saying as well as possibly tracking our location.” Pulling something out of the insides of the phone, Luciel smiled triumphantly. “Aha! I knew they wouldn’t let you keep your phone without putting something on it to monitor you. And no, you’re the first damsel in distress I’ve had to rescue, but that doesn’t mean you have to be the last.” He winked at you and you found yourself laughing at his ridiculousness before suddenly stopping your giggles.

You were so confused. Everything you’d learnt about Mint Eye from Ray was apparently a lie, but no one was explaining anything to you yet. “Have you eaten anything? I can make breakfast.”

Luciel gestured to some empty bag of chips on the floor as well as 3 cans of soda laying haphazardly around the laptops. “Meal fit for a king.”

Rolling your eyes, you got up and made your way to the kitchen, jumping back in surprise when you saw V standing in front of the stove, flipping pancakes.

“Sorry, I thought you were still asleep.” You watched as he poured more batter on the pan before he turned to you.

“I woke up as you were leaving the room. I knew Luciel wouldn’t be taking care of himself so I figured breakfast for all of us would help.” V, explained while gesturing to some strawberries that were recently washed. “Want to help? You can cut them.”

You settled beside him, keeping your eyes on the cutting board as you chopped the strawberries into small pieces. “So,”

“So,” V laughed lightly and you could swear that you’d heard that laugh before. It was like a distant memory, tickling at your brain. “Thanks for trusting me last night. I’m sure you’ve got some questions.”

“That’s an understatement.” You stopped cutting the strawberries in favor of looking him in his eyes. “I just want to know what’s going on.”

V sighed, setting down the spatula after putting the last cooked pancake on a plate. “I promise you that I will tell you everything as soon as I can. But let me start by telling you what you can know now.”

You listened patiently as V spoke quietly. He told you how someone he knew got caught up in the Mint Eye and that’s how he knew about it, choosing to go undercover there and try to get them out safely but by the time he discovered how, they had already been corrupted and how when he saw you enter with Ray on the first day, he wanted to make sure the same wouldn’t happen to you, since once you took the mysterious drug, you’d never be the same. He told you in vivid detail what he saw the elixir do to people, although he couldn’t exactly say why that happened to your brain when you took it. He scared you, and you hated the fact that you were so mesmerized by all the promises that Ray gave you that you didn’t see what was happening for yourself.

“V… I don’t know what else to say but thank you. I’m sure I’ll have tons of questions later but right now all I can do is thank you for coming to my rescue.” Your heart was racing as you thought of how close you could have come to joining what, in your mind, was classified as a cult.

“I will do my best to answer your questions but if I cannot at this time, please be patient with me.” V’s eyes pierced into yours and you could feel him pleading you to be as patient as possible. Wanting to comfort him, you gently set your hand over his and he moved his other hand on top, grasping your hand in the both of his. “I will promise you this. I will do whatever it takes for you to be safe, even if that means sacrificing myself.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you studied his face, seeing how sincere and serious V was. You nodded your head, too enamored in his presence to even try to pull away from him.

“MC, have you seen V? He seems to have dis-oh!” Luciel appeared in the doorway to the kitchen and you jerked your hand away from V, trying to quickly resume cutting the strawberries. V’s face was flushed red as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “Looks like you found him.”

“I was just making breakfast and MC offered to help.” V replied, setting the plate of pancakes on the small kitchen table and Luciel sat down, reaching for one.

“So, how long are we staying here for?” You questioned as you set the strawberries down before grabbing a pancake of your own and spooning a generous amount of strawberries on top.

V and Luciel exchanged a look and the redhead shrugged his shoulders. “As of right now, indefinitely.”

“I’m sorry, what?!” Your fork clanged onto your plate in surprise and V looked down in his lap, not meeting your eyes. “So you’re telling me that you rescued me from being trapped somewhere and now I’m trapped somewhere else?”

“Don’t think of it as being trapped… think of it as a long vacation that doesn’t have a set end date.” Luciel offered up around a mouthful of food. “We’re not keeping you trapped here, MC. You can go outside, go for a swim in the lake. Do whatever you want to do. We just need you to stay around the area so we can assure your safety.”

“Don’t either of you think all of this is crazy? Why not call the police and tell them what’s going on? Surely they can disband Mint Eye?” V looked up, meeting your eyes and there was an intense look in them.

“We can’t do that right now.”

“And why the hell not? It makes no sense to me why two young men are trying to take down a cult all by themselves.” Standing up, you leaned on the counter across from V and out of the corner of your eye you could see Luciel watching both of you with a new curiosity.

“That’s… not something I can tell you yet. I’m sorry.” V hung his head and you sighed, looking towards Luciel. He silently shrugged his shoulders.

“Okay well, I’m going to go lay down again because this is ridiculous and I need a break from the both of you. V, please work on figuring out how to tell me as soon as possible everything that you know. Not the stripped down version you told me earlier. Luciel, get some rest, you look like hell.” You didn’t bother waiting for either of them to respond, instead opting to work your way back to the room you woke up in and climb in the bed, taking comfort in the fact that you had a little area to call your own.

Curling your knees to your chest, you hugged yourself tightly, trying to settle yourself down. You hated the fact that you didn’t know what was going on. You missed your mother, she was probably worried sick about you. Sure, you had your phone and nothing was stopping from calling, but what would you say? ‘Sorry for not calling, I almost joined a cult and now I’m at a cabin with two guys I barely know who rescued me’? Just the thought of it sounded ridiculous.

There was a knock on the door and when you looked up, V was looking at you wearily. “Can I come in?” You nodded and slid over on the bed some, making room for him to join you. “How are you doing?”

“I’m just frustrated. I know what’s going on to an extent, but it’s annoying that I don’t know the full story. But I am choosing to trust you, so please don’t do anything to break that.” V didn’t respond so you looked up at him. He was staring straight ahead at the blank wall, seemingly lost in thought. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” he replied, brushing his hair out of his eyes and looking down at you.

“That night you rescued me, you called me by my name even though I didn’t tell it to you. How did you know my name?” You suddenly felt self conscious as V studied you curiously,  chewing on his lip in thought.

“I heard Ray say it when talking about you to one of the other believers.”

“Oh,” you replied, disappointment settling onto your shoulders like an old worn out blanket. “Sorry, you just remind me of someone I used to know.”

“Would you like to tell me about them?” V’s hand gently brushed yours and before you could even register it, he was pulling his hand away, fiddling with the chain on his neck.

“He was just an old childhood friend. I grew up in a neighborhood with not too many other children but I was close with two boys who were a little older than me. We spent every day together for as much time as our nannies allowed, since all of our parents were too busy to watch us on their own. I moved away one day early in the morning and never saw either of them again. But that hasn’t stopped me from looking from time to time. One of them is an heir to a giant  company, and I can see from news reports that he seems to be doing well, but the other has seemingly dropped off the face of the earth.”

“It sounds like you cared deeply for them,” V acknowledged. “If you’re still looking to see what has become of them.”

“Yes, they were more like family to me than anything else.”

“What would you say to them if you could see them again?”

“That I’m sorry for leaving without finding a way to say goodbye. I’m sorry for not looking for them sooner. That I never stopped caring, even after 15 years I still continue cherish our old memories together.” You blinked and realized tears were falling freely down your face. “Sorry,” you laughed sadly. “I don’t know what came over me.”

V brushed a few stray tears off your cheeks, his hands lingering on your face, almost like he was waiting for more tears to fall so he could catch them for you. “You don’t have to apologize for caring, MC. It’s a beautiful thing.”

You smiled at him, grateful that he was so understanding and moved your face from his grasp. “That was the first time I’ve said those words out loud, even though I’ve thought them so many times before. Thank you.”

V’s gaze lingered on you for a few moments before he got up, brushing invisible wrinkles off his shirt. “I should leave you to rest for now.”

You nodded, moving to slip under the covers before stopping him. “Hey, V?” He halted at the doorway, looking at you inquisitively. “Thanks for saving me.”

“Of course,” he replied with a look in his eyes you couldn’t place before exiting the room, closing the door behind him.

-

After comfortably settling into a routine with V and Luciel. - you had learned he normally responds to Seven, but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him that - you found that they could actually be good company. V spent most of his free time with you, either teaching you to take pictures on his camera or going for nature walks, both of you taking endless amounts of photos. When Luciel wasn’t busy typing away on his computers or phones, he sometimes joined you.

A week into hiding out, you had hit the hottest day of the summer. The sun was blaring down on V and your backs as you walked along the mossy forest, you pointing to a lake not too far below. “That’d be nice to swim in today.”

“Do you want to?” V snapped another picture of you when you weren’t looking - you were slowly becoming his favorite thing to photograph. “We could pull Luciel away from the computer for a while and just take some time to relax together.” And that’s how you and V ended up inside, each of you sitting on one side of Luciel as he furiously typed away on his laptop.

“Please, God Seven. Join V and I for a quick swim. You’re starting to look pasty, it’d be good for you to get outside.” You teased and he shot you a glance before turning back to the computer.

“Luciel, anything you’re doing now can wait. The Mint Eye hasn’t tried to hack us in days.” V persuaded, moving to pull the younger man’s headphones off his ears. “Plus, you never know when you’ll get to do this again. We don’t get weather like this much.”

Sighing, Luciel shut his laptop before looking between the two of you. “You two are scary good at ganging up on someone.” Shrugging off his hoodie that never seemed to leave his body, he followed you and V out the door, rolling his eyes as you both cheered in victory. “She’s mean about it and he points out that she’s right, but in a very nice way. Not fair.” He mumbled under his breath and you and V both looked at each other before bursting out into giggles, mocking Luciel the entire way down to the lake.

When you reached the lake, Luciel and V tossed their shirts to the side and you hesitated. “Whats the matter?” V asked and you blushed as your eyes roamed across his shirtless chest.

“I just don't feel comfortable going in my bra and underwear.” You explained, watching as Luciel wade deeper into the cool water.

“Well here, you can wear my shirt. That way your clothes are still dry when we’re done.”  V handed you his black shirt he always wore and you smiled at him gratefully and waited for him to turn his back to you before you pulled off your shirt before quickly putting his on and pulling down your skirt. “Is the water cold?”

“No, it’s great, come in!” Luciel called to you and you hesitantly dipped your big toe in the water before pulling back. “Oh, come on MC. Don’t make me come get you.” He threatened and you laughed before walking in slightly.

“MC,  come here,” V waved you over and you looked at him hesitantly. “You’re in the shade right now. The water’s warm once you get in the sun.”

Carefully making your way over to him, you shivered as you submerged yourself more in the cold water. “I guess you’re right,” you admitted and as you moved a little closer to V, your foot slipped on an algae covered rock, the water pulling you under before you could even register what was going on. Preparing to kick yourself up, you startled as two strong hands grabbed you under the armpits and hauled your head back above the water.

“Are you alright?” Your arms were holding on tightly to V’s neck and he was looking at you with concern.

“Yes, I’m fine thank you.” Your hands dropped and you didn’t fail to notice that V’s hands were still holding onto your hips.

“Well isn’t this a touching scene?” A unfamiliar voice called out from the shore and V’s head whipped towards the blonde girl standing there.

“Rika,” V pushed you behind him and Luciel grabbed your wrist, keeping you in place. “What are you doing here?”

“Who is that?” You whispered to Luciel and he shook his head, eyes wide.

“I knew you would find her eventually, V. You played right into my trap.” Rika smiled cynically and you could swear you saw V shudder under her gaze. “MC, it’s so wonderful to finally meet you. I’ve heard lots about you from V and  Ray.”

You looked at V who was looking straight ahead, almost like he was refusing to meet your gaze. “What do you mean? Who are you?”

“Oh, Luciel and V haven’t told you about me? Then I should introduce myself.” Rika picked up a piece of clothing that was laying near her feet - V’s jacket. “My name is Rika, but you might have heard of me before. At the Mint Eye people refer to me as the Savior.”

Your blood ran cold and you shivered, moving closer to Luciel for some more warmth. “Then how have you heard about me from V?”

“Oh sweetie, he really hasn’t told you anything, has he?” Rika sat down on the ground and glanced at V before turning her gaze back to you. “V and I used to be lovers before I founded the Mint Eye. We were engaged.”

“Rika, stop this. If you want to talk, talk to me in private. Don’t pull MC into this.” V pleaded, making his way towards her.

“But don’t you see? She’s already involved more than she knows.” Rika held up her hand and V stopped moving closer. “MC, you’ve met this man before many times but you might have known him by a different name. Perhaps Jihyun Kim rings a bell?”

“No,” you gasped as blood rushed in your ears, halting your thought process. “I don’t believe you.”

“Why else did you think Ray recruited you to become part of our paradise?” Rika smiled at you, but there was nothing but a blank look in her eyes. “When V and I were still together, he would mention you. Would ask himself where you were and prayed that you were safe, wherever you were. Once I got word that you were back in the same city as him, I had Ray find you.”

“Why me?” You asked, refusing to look towards your childhood friend. You knew that if you met his eyes that you would break down and you needed to be strong in front of Rika.

“Don’t be stupid, MC. I needed to get closer to you so I could hurt V.”

“Rika, that’s enough.” V’s usually soft spoken tone broke you out of your trance as his voice echoed across the lake. “You caused enough damage. If anything else needs to happen, please just let it happen to me. Don’t involve anyone else anymore. Please.”

“No, I don’t think so. I’m done here for now, but don’t let your guard down. I’ll be back and this time it won’t be just to talk.” Rika replied before getting up and silently making her way away from the lake.

“MC, please listen to me, I-” V was already walking towards you as you broke out of Luciel’s grip,

“No, I don’t want to hear it right now.” You cut him off and brushed past him, going to collect your clothes. “Please leave me alone.”

V’s hand dropped back to his side and you could hear movement in the water. He and Luciel followed behind you, leaving you to yourself and as soon as you made it back to the cabin, you locked yourself in the bathroom and wrapped yourself in a towel.

You were chilled to the bone, but not because of the water of the lake, but because of the information Rika had supplied to you. You weren’t sure how long you sat on the bathroom floor, just playing with the hem of V’s shirt and thinking over everything. You had opened up to him, telling him about the childhood friends you left behind, only to find out that he was one of them. The worst part about it all was that he knew the entire time and never told you. He let you tell him everything about your friendship with each other and didn’t say anything. He let you learn to trust him before Rika came along and shattered all the trust that you were beginning to have.

There was a quiet knock on the door and you got up, opening the door slightly. “I’m sorry, V said to leave you be, but I really had to go to the bathroom.” Noticing the tears tracking down your face, Luciel grabbed your upper arm softly. “Hey, are you okay?” You launched yourself at the taller boy, wrapping your arms around his midsection as you shook your head no, your tears spilling out faster. He hesitantly hugged you back, rubbing soothing circles on your back. “Shh, it’s okay. MC, it’s alright. I’m here.”

You pulled away and wiped your eyes, laughing at yourself a bit. “Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

“You’re alright, MC. Go into your room and change and let me go to the bathroom and I’ll come sit with you and we can talk, alright?” You nodded, letting go of the redhead before picking up the towel that you had wrapped around your shoulders and made your way to the room you and V had been sharing.You slipped the black shirt you had borrowed from the mint haired man over you head  and pulled on the blue blouse and polka dot skirt you had been  wearing since the night you escaped from Mint Eye.

Hanging V’s damp shirt on the doorknob to hang and dry, you startled as the door swung open. Laughing at your shocked expression, Luciel made his way inside the room and sat himself down on the bed you had been sleeping on, patting the empty space next to him. You both sat in the quiet for some time, reminding you of the first time that you and V had sat in the same position and you talked about your childhood. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” you admitted, settling your head on his shoulder and Luciel wrapped his arm tightly around your shoulder. “I just feel like everyone’s keeping secrets and I don’t like that, especially since there’s secrets about me.”

“I’m sure you’ve figured this much out, but this is bigger than just you. There’s obviously something deeply wrong with Rika, she and V have some history that is more complicated than everyone originally thought. I was under the impression until a week ago that Rika was dead, so I’m also wanting some answers.” You settled further into Luciel’s chest and he laid down, pulling a sheet over the both you. “I know it’s hard right now, but let’s just give V a little more time to figure things out. He promised the both of us he would tell us everything when he could. We still have hold onto that for now.”

“Luciel, will you stay with me tonight? I don’t want to be alone.” You looked up at him and already found his eyes closed, his breathing slowing. Pulling his glasses off his face and setting them down on the table next to him, you settled yourself back into his chest and closed your eyes, dreamland enveloping you faster than you realized was possible.

The next morning you woke with a start and you reached for the space beside you before realizing it was empty. Luciel must have gotten up at some point, most likely to get back to doing his work on the laptops he had pretty much been glued to.

When you say up, you saw V sitting across the room on his bed, his naked back facing your direction. “Jihyun?”

He startled before turning towards you, an apologetic look in his eyes. “Sorry, it’s been a very long time since anyone has called me that.”

“Can I ask you something?” He nodded, walking towards the door where his shirt was hanging from the day before. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were who I was talking about that first day we sat here?”

He pulled on the shirt and your eyes were glued to the taut muscles moving on his stomach and abs as he did so. “I thought it would be safer if you didn’t know.” He crossed the room and knelt before you, his head staring at your bare feet that were hanging over the edge of the bed. “If you knew, it’d be that much harder for me to leave with Rika. For the both of us.”

“Well I know now,” you responded, absentmindedly brushing a strand of hair back that had fallen into his eyes. “So what happens?”

“The plan’s still the same as always MC. I have to go with Rika because if I don’t, she will drag more innocent people into this.”

“Didn’t you hear her yesterday? She’s not going to stop if you go with her, Jihyun. That will not solve anything.” You balled your hands into fists and sat on top of them, resisting the urge to grab the beautiful boy in front of you and shake him until he gained some sense. “Stay here, tell Luciel and I everything and let us help you figure it out, together.”

“MC, it’s not that simple. I wish it was.” Jihyun grabbed one of your hands and unfurled it, rubbing the crescent shaped marks that were indented in your palm from your fingernails. “I want to tell you everything but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

“I think we’re past the point of secrets.” You stayed and stood up, pulling Jihyun to his feet with you as well. “Please promise me that you’ll at least tell Luciel and I the whole truth.”

And that’s how you all ended up at the kitchen table, much like the first morning you spent with the two boys you’ve been living with. Jihyun started from the beginning, recounting how he had met Rika and it was like an instant connection and how he wanted to help light her way. Eventually, it became obsessive to her and he continued to love her unconditionally, even despite her ruining his eyes. After a charity party they threw with a few friends - Luciel included, Jihyun and Rika had an argument that set her over the edge, causing her to leave him and start carrying her plans out for the Mint Eye. You came into play when Rika realized V was still hanging around Mint Eye, trying to see if there was any piece of the old Rika left. She knew he never got over the childhood abandonment that haunted him when you left so she used you, wanting to prove to V that she was still in control.

In Rika’s mind, everything she was doing seemed right. Jihyun explained that she was severely sick mentally and no matter what kind of help he would try to get her, she would refuse, saying it wasn’t helping and why won’t he love every part of her unconditionally, even her dark side? He told you that she pulled you into the Mint Eye to try and lure him back into her control, she wanted to feel the endless love that he used to give her again. He spoke of how during this time away, taking a lot of time to speak to Luciel about everything, he realized that he once loved her but that the love had turned into an obsession, which is what she now craved. So by sacrificing himself to her once again and showering her in the attention she craves so badly, he hopes to help heal her radical ways and make sure no one else will get pulled into this dark place as well.

“I hope you know that even if you go with her, that won’t solve anything.” Luciel broke the deafening silence. “She needs severe help and I think that you going there and giving her what she thinks she wants would only make things worse.”

“Jihyun, you heard what she said yesterday. She won’t stop until she hurts you. She’s already hurt your eyes! Who’s to say she won’t do worse?” Your voice almost wavered but you kept it steady. You knew Jihyun needed you to stay strong for him to realize that what he wants to do isn’t worth it. “I don’t think you’re thinking this through rationally.”

“She is trying to hurt people I care about, MC.” Jihyun slammed his hand on the table and you jumped, Luciel grabbing onto your hand closest to him. “I can’t let that happen and if that means sacrificing myself then that’s what I need to do. I’m sorry, you won’t understand.”

“Listen, we’re all a little tense right now. That was a lot of information to take in. Let’s just all take a few moments to ourselves and then we’ll talk about everything later tonight. Alright?” Luciel stood up, not even waiting for a response and he walked out of the room, already on a phone call with whom you could only presume was his boss.

“I’m going to go for a walk, would you care to join me?” Jihyun extended his hand towards you and you took hold of it, holding it like you would fine China, afraid he would break if you gripped it too strong.

You both walked together in silence, taking in the familiar sights of the woody forest you’ve both become to memorize. When you both stopped at an old broken bench, not too far away from where you had gone swimming only the day before, you wrapped your arms around his waist, with your face in his chest. He smelled like lake water and you found yourself wishing he smelled like something familiar, something that could ground you to your childhood with him.

Jihyun’s arms remained at his side, his head tilted down towards you. “This feels strange. It’s a new sensation to me.”

“Have you never had someone hug you before?” You asked, squeezing just a little bit tighter, but not enough to be uncomfortable.

“No. No one has ever hugged me or embraced me as you are doing right now.” His fingers lightly stroked your face as you pulled back, wide eyes staring at him intently. “Rika was a person who needed me to embrace her… she didn’t get to embrace me.” Jihyun let out a long breath, and you let go of him completely, moving to sit down on the bench as he did the same. “Uh… it kind of feels heart-fluttering, or dreamy… or comfortable. It’s the kind of special feeling you only get a few times in your life. Thank you, MC.” You stayed silent as you watched him seemingly in deep thought. “You knew me as a child so you know about my mother. She was the only one who ever wanted to embrace me and at the time, I refused her. And by the time I realized that I did want her hugs, it was too late.” He turned to you. “I want to be able to love someone again some day, but I fear what will happen with Rika will happen with someone else as well.”

“I think if you take the time you need to heal properly and take everything slowly, you will be able to love again.” You replied honestly, and you internally yelled at the part of your mind that was saying you wished it was yourself that Jihyun would be able to love in time.

“Thank you, MC. You always seem to know what to say. You… you’re starting to give me hope that I had thought had disappeared, ready to never return.” Jihyun squeezed your shoulder gently before standing up. “I am going to head inside, I want to make sure you and Luciel have something to eat soon. Don’t stay too much longer outside.”

As soon as you lost sight of him, a new figure came into view. “Everything is so much clearer now.”

“Rika, what are you doing here?” You asked, moving to get up but she stood in front of you, her arms on either side of your head, gripping the bench.

“Even if V did come back with me, he could never love me the way he did anymore because he’s fallen in love with you.” Rika’s lips quivered and you noticed a hint of sadness in them.

“Rika, what you want from V isn’t love. It was an obsession. He was obsessed with you. You need to let him go.” Your voice came out stronger than you felt and you were glad for that.

“No… no, no, no. He loved me! I know he did!” Rika shreaked, her fingers gripping your bare shoulders, her fingernails digging in hard enough to break skin. “Stop it, don’t tell me that!” Rika turned away from you for a second turning around, a small knife in her hand. “You took him from me! He will love me again. He will!” You felt a searing pain in your side and you doubled over as the knife clanged to the ground, Rika dropping to her knees next to you for a moment before picking up the knife and running off before anyone else could spot her. As she was running away you could hear her crying to herself and asking what she had done.

Covering the wound with your hands, you cried for help as loud as you could, your voice growing weaker with each passing second. You weren’t close enough to the cabin to really be heard, but you tried anyway.

“MC?” Jihyun’s voice broke through the deafening silence and you found yourself wanting to call out to him but your head was too hazy and your lips wouldn’t form the words anymore. “MC, is everything okay? I heard screaming.” He was getting closer to your form lying on the ground and you heard him pick up his pace and run the rest of the way over to you. “What happened? MC, can you hear me?” You wanted to tell him that you could, but you couldn’t speak. His hands pushed yours aside and he covered your wound with the jacket he was wearing, applying as much pressure as he could without hurting you more. “Please keep your eyes open MC. I’ll get you help. Luciel!” Jihyun’s voice strained as he called for the other male. “Luciel…! Come quick!”

Another set of footsteps sounded and you tried to focus on Jihyun’s eyes which were searing into your own. “We have to take her to the hospital. You pick her up, I’ll grab the car. Quickly!” Luciel’s voice sounded like it was underwater and you struggled to understand every word he was saying.

Jihyun let go of his coat that he was using to slow the blood flow and slipped one arm behind your back, the other underneath your legs and he picked you up, cradling you to his chest. “Hold on, MC. We’re going to get you help. Just keep your eyes on me for now, can you do that?” You couldn’t nod your head so you squeezed the fabric of his shirt slightly in hopes he would understand. “I promise you nothing’s going to happen to you okay? I promise.” Luciel pulled his car as close to the clearing as possible and Jihyun laid you down in the backseat before getting in next to you and cradling your head in his lap with one hand, the other one back at your side where his jacket was.

-

The first thing you heard when you awoke was beeping. Steady, constant beeping that was already starting to give you a headache. Then when your eyes opened, you were staring at a bright white light and ceiling. There was a hand squeezing yours and you turned your head to meet an unfamiliar face. You opened your mouth to speak, but no words would come out.

The man silently got up and poured you a cup of water before helping you sit up. “The nurses said you’d probably be thirsty when you woke up.” He stated, reaching above your bed and pressing the button that signaled to the nurses you needed assistance.

“Who are you?” You asked after drinking the whole cup of water in one gulp, tugging lightly at the various wires coming out of your left arm. The man put his hand over yours to stop you from doing so.

“You’re telling me you don’t recognize me, MC? Although it has been a long time, I would have thought you would know my face.” The man had a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips and he patted your hand softly. “I’m Jumin.”

“Jumin? But where’s Jihyun?” You questioned, and the heartbeat monitor picked up as you sat up, moving to pull at the wires again.

Jumin’s strong hand gripped your shoulder where Rika’s nails had dug in, leaving deep marks, and you whimpered, cowering away from him and settling back into the bed. “Did I hurt you? I am extremely sorry I was just trying to-“

“I’m fine,” you cut him off. “Where’s Luciel and Jihyun? Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital, MC. Three nights ago, you got hurt extremely bad. I don’t know the full extent of what happened, that’ll be something for either Luciel or V to explain to you. Luciel has left for a while, he had something to take care of. And Jihyun is currently in a procedure.” Jumin’s face, while remaining stoic, had a hint of kindness to it, almost like he was talking to a child and had no idea how.

“A procedure?” Your heartbeat sped up again. “Is he alright?”

Jumin waited for your heartbeat to slow down before answering. “Yes, Jihyun is well. I’m sure you’re aware of the damage that was done to his eyes?” You nodded your head, glancing towards the water pitcher. Jumin silently took your plastic cup and refilled it for you. “He’s just having a procedure done to fix his eyes. He should be done within the next few hours.”

As Jumin was explaining, two nurses came in and began checking your vitals. They explained to you how to dress your wound and how often to change it, as well as everything you needed to know about pain medication. At the end of the day you were able to be discharged under Jumin’s signature but they wanted to keep you for a few hours while you were awake, just to make sure everything was okay.

As they were leaving, Luciel walked in, and smiled at you when he saw you were awake and talking to Jumin. “MC, hey! How are you feeling?”

“Like I got stabbed with a knife.” You deadpanned and both the men standing around your bed stared at you with blank expressions. Laughing, you patted an empty spot on the bed and Luciel sat down, hesitantly putting your arms around your shoulder. “Have you heard anything about Jihyun?”

“Not yet, but his surgery should be done fairly soon. When can you leave?” Luciel asked and you watched as Jumin pulled out his phone to check the time.

“As soon as Mr. CEO here signs off on my paperwork.” You gestured to the manilla folder sitting at the foot of your bed. “I want to be out of this bed when Jihyun wakes up.”

Jumin teasingly rolled his eyes at you before going to pick up the folder. “This is what you need me to sign?” He asked, briefly leafing through the various pages. “It might take a few hours, I’ll need Assistant Kang to look over everything before I sign it.”

“Juumin,” you whined and buried your head in Luciel’s shoulder. “Please?”

“Alright. Seven, if you’d like to retrieve MC’s clothes so she could change into something else, I’m sure she would be much obliged.” The redhead left your side and you smiled gratefully at him as he crossed the room to grab the big plastic bag with your belongings in them but upon further inspection, the articles of clothing in the bag were nothing you’d ever seen before.

“I think there’s been a mix up. This isn’t mine.” You held up a light green and white striped a-line dress and Jumin shook his head.

“We couldn’t let you leave here in bloody and ripped clothes so I had Assistant Kang pick this out for you. We figured a flowing dress would be easiest since you don’t want to put pressure on your wound.”

“I appreciate everything you both have done for me. Thank you.” You looked at them both, heart swelling in adoration in the two opposites standing next to the other. “Could you please leave so I can get dressed? Unless you want to watch, but I don’t think you do.” They both flushed and quickly made their way out into the waiting room. After carefully dressing yourself, one of the nurses from earlier came to check on you and she insisted on helping you to the waiting room. Sitting down next to Luciel, you leaned your head on his shoulder. “Any news?”

“He just came out of surgery but hasn’t woken up yet. He will need to keep the bandages on his eyes for a few days and then wear some special glasses to protect his eyes for a while. They said the surgery went smoothly and the results should be positive, but they won’t know until his eyes heal.” Jumin replied, scrolling through his phone. “Would it make you less stressed to see a picture of Elizabeth the 3rd?”

You were about to question who that was when Luciel suddenly interjected. “Aw Elly! You have to show Elly to MC, she’s so cute!”

You covered Luciel’s mouth with your hand as Jumin faced his screen towards you, a picture of a gorgeous white haired cat with bright blue eyes staring back at you. “She’s a beautiful cat, Jumin.”

“Thank you, I make it my duty to care for her every day and night. She has been away with my assistant since I’ve been here and I miss her dearly.” Jumin sighed and pulled his phone back, scrolling through other pictures of his cat, a forlorn look on his face.

Luciel licked your hand and you shrieked, pulling your hand away and rubbing his spit on his sweatshirt. “You’re disgusting.”

“Maybe, but you loooove me.” He teased, booping you on the nose. You rolled your eyes and settled back into his side, your eyes closing.

-

Two days after you and Jihyun were discharged from the hospital, you both laid on the couch in Jumin’s penthouse, each sprawled out on one side of the couch. There was an old movie playing quietly on the TV but neither of you could be bothered to watch, the book in your hands was more than enough entertainment for the time being. Your mint haired friend sat with a sketch book and some charcoal pencils in his lap, but his hands were stilled and his head was tilted back.

Jumin insisted on having both you and Jihyun stay at his penthouse while you recovered since he could have a nurse that came a few times a day to check on both of you, as well as keeping an eye on the two of you himself when he was home. He’d never admit it to either of you, but he was happy that the circumstances of everything helped reconnect you to both him and Jihyun.

“MC,” Jihyun called to you and you looked up from the page you were reading.

“Are you alright?” You asked, setting down your book. Jihyun had gotten the bandages taken off his eyes earlier that day, and you wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything wrong.

“Yes, I’m well, thank you. I just can’t sleep.” You slowly got up, careful of your stitches and you settled down next to him, opening your arm on your good side for him.

“Here, lay with me, see if that helps.” Jihyun carefully maneuvered himself to where he was laying with his head on your stomach, his arm wrapped carefully around your side as one of your hands settled on his back, rubbing soothing circles and the other one fell to his hair, gently detangling the knots that had started to form. Before long, his breathing slowed and soft snores started filling the room over the sounds of the TV. You settled down into the couch a bit more, careful not to disturb the sleeping man you were holding and you closed your eyes, easily falling into a light sleep.

When Jumin walked through the door of the penthouse about an hour later, he heard laughing coming from his front room. Toeing off his shoes, he made his way to where the noise was coming from and found you and Jihyun lying together, laughing at something he was showing you on his phone. “Jihyun, I presume your eyes are starting to heal?”

Jihyun picked his head up from your stomach, adjusting the protective glasses on his nose. “Yes, Jumin, thank you for recommending this eye surgeon for me.”

“And MC, how about your stitches?” Jumin questioned, setting himself down on the couch and patting his lap, inviting Elizabeth up.

“Getting better every day.” You beamed and Jumin smiled at how happy his two oldest friends looked in that moment.

“I’m very glad it seems both of you are having an easy recovery. Hopefully soon you both will be back to being fully mobile.”  Jumin ran his hands over Elizabeth the 3rd’s back as he spoke, looking up at you and Jihyun every once in a while.

“Speaking of recovery,”  Jihyun cleared his throat and looked at his two friends nervously. “I’ve decided that after my eyes heal, I’m going to go away for some time. I need time away from this city to figure out who I am without Rika. I want to reinvent myself as an artist, just like my mother always encouraged. I want to go away to be able to come back and try to love someone again.”

You felt disappointment blossoming in your chest and your stomach felt like it does after a huge drop on a rollercoaster. Selfishly, you didn’t want Jihyun to leave; you had only just reconnected with him and Jumin and you wanted to be able to spend some time with your friends, not having to worry about hiding or any secrets being kept. But you also knew that going away would be better for him in the long run. “Jihyun, you know I will alway support you no matter what you want to do. I will miss you, but we can stay in touch.”

“As will I,” Jumin stopped petting Elizabeth and was staring intently at his friend. “I will be here when you get back.”

-

Two years after Jihyun had left for his trip, the RFA had finally decided to host parties again. After he left, Jumin made you the party coordinator, with Jihyun’s permission of course, and although you became quick friends with the rest of the members, there was something missing. The last you heard from Jihyun, he was in California, working on his newest painting series he called Recovery. You were glad he was taking the time he needed, but that didn’t mean you didn’t miss your friend dearly.

While he was away, you had come to terms with your feelings for Jihyun and vowed that when he returned, you wouldn’t say anything. If he wanted to pursue anything with you, he would need to be the one to tell you since you wanted to make sure he felt comfortable in what could possibly happen between the two of you.

“MC, did you hear what I said?” Jaehee was standing at your side, helping you greet guests at your first party.

“No, sorry.” You smiled sheepishly at your friend and she playfully rolled her eyes at you.

“I said, can you go check out front to see if there are any more guests who maybe got lost? It seems that we have  some who have RSVPed but haven’t shown up yet.” Jaehee gestured with her clipboard and you left her side, not wanting to make any more issues for her.

You took comfort in the cool fall air as you stepped outside. “MC,”

A familiar voice called your name and you turned around, coming face to face with the man whose face you pictured every time you closed you eyes. “Jihyun… I missed you.”

“You couldn’t have missed me more than I missed you,” he replied stepping closer. “There wasn’t a single day I spent not missing you while I was away.” His hair was shorter than the last time you saw him and he had a bright smile on his face, something that you hadn’t seen since you were children. “You look surprised that I’m here.”

“Well yes, I just wasn’t expecting see you since I hadn’t heard from you in a few weeks.” You admitted, pushing your hair back behind your ear. “But I am very happy to see you, Jihyun.”

“I came back because there’s something important I needed to say.” Jihyun’s eyes never left yours as he grasped one of your hands in both of his. “I wanted to tell you this sooner, but I think it was worth the wait.” You nodded your head, waiting for him to continue. “While I was away I thought about you so much that I had originally concluded that thinking of you wouldn’t help me heal. But then, when I’d try not to think about you, it’d be worse. Your smile would ingrave itself into the back of my eyelids while I was trying to go to sleep. And then I realized you were the reason I wanted… no, I needed to get better...  for me but also for you. Because loving you is my greatest sin. I would go through everything we went through just for the chance to get to love you over and over again. So, can I please be selfish for once and ask if you if you have any chance of loving me back?”

Jihyun’s eyes were pleading with you and you opened your mouth to speak but he continued. “Over these past two years, I’ve been putting together blank puzzles. I’ve been drawing and painting on them. It always seemed there was a piece missing, even once I had finished. I know now, that you were the piece, that nothing will ever really feel complete without you by my side. During my time away I often wondered to myself that if no one really cares for me, do I even really exist? But then I realized all the times you saw the real me, even when there wasn’t much to see. You believed in me to be bette and you cared for me, when I didn’t deserve to be cared for. I don’t care if I exist in a world with only you and I, I just know I selfishly want to live with you by my side. Two years ago, I told you that I wanted to be able to love again… that I’d like to love again if the chance arises. Do you remember?” You nodded, smiling at Jihyun. “So, I want to. I want to love you, I do love you. So, I would like you to have me, if you want me.”

“Jihyun… I can finally tell you all that I feel for you in my heart. You are the first dream-the only dream I was unable to stop myself from dreaming. You are the first dream of my soul and from that dream, I hope will come a lifetime’s worth of other dreams. Jihyun, please stay with me, because I cannot have another day of my life go by without having you in it. Please be as selfish as you want to be with me, love me in any way you are willing, for I will be there with you to accept your love and give you mine in return. I love you, Jihyun Kim, and there wont be a day that passes by where I stop loving you, not in this lifetime.”

Jihyun’s face broke out into a wide grin and he wrapped his arms around your waist hugging you to him tightly as you wrapped your arms around his neck, taking in the scent of paint water and chalk. This was right, this was where you were meant to be.

[iamtheprotagoneil]

when i was writing my answer for the second part of this ask from alicia, i actually came up with a fic idea but since my schedule is pretty packed for a while to come, i probably won’t be able to turn this idea into an actual fic. so to keep this from fading away into the oblivion that is my awful memory, i’mma just do what ive made this blog for, which is rambling away:

there’s this hongkong tv show i watched ages ago, but one of the subplot really stuck with me. it follows one of the main characters on his journey to his eventual greatness. in this subplot, he’s stuck in an ice cage and, every night, he’d meet a girl (circumstances are a bit icky, but let’s digress). the ice cage is so dark and freezing that, to both of them, it feels more dreamlike than reality. they even prefer to each other as ‘mộng lang’ and ‘mộng cô’ which loosely translates to ‘dream man’ and ‘dream lady’.

later on, the girl (who turns out to be a princess) hosts an event to search for a consort (although, in honesty, she’s hoping to meet her dream man again). in the event, she hides behind some thick drapes that hide her identity, and asks her suitors questions that only her dream man would be able to answer – or answer correctly, anyway. the guy only comes to the event out of obligation, rather than any actual wish to be the prince consort. however, his intention changes as his turn to go ‘meet’ the princess comes, and then the questions, and then the realization that his dream lady is just behind those drapes.

i just find it so poetic that they only meet each other through bizarre circumstances, that they don’t even know of each other’s true identity, only falling in love with each other’s voice and wits. then, after a while apart, they find each other again, through sheer coincidence, and are able to reconcile on what they’d thought was only a lost connection.

which, ahh, makes me think of an AU, of sorts, for protagoneil. perhaps, they wouldn’t meet in an ice cage, but in a prison (idk, that’s just what my mind decided on), maybe in some place where they’re held captive in rooms next to each other, a place with rules so reclusive that they never get to see each other, only a voice as proof of the other’s existence. their situation – being locked up in a room with only a small window as indication that the outside world does exist, although distant – would make their interaction with each other so surreal, as if the other is nothing more than a figment of their imagination, another sign that they’ve gone mad in this captivity.

hell, we can make this even more tragic by setting in the tenet ‘verse, post-canon. perhaps a mission went awry, and the protagonist finds himself captured by some antagonists with greedy, self-serving purposes for tenet’s inversion technology. perhaps, the protagonist thinks neil’s voice – or whoever it is that sounds so much like the neil he once met – coming through the wall is just his mind coping to the loneliness and isolation. he’s never had problems with either before, but the circumstances are different now. now he’s got a ghost living up in his head, that he’s been missing and thinking about more than he’d ever admit to another soul.

i imagine their conversations can only be held in the night, spoken so quietly – barely above a whisper – so as to not alert the guards. the secrecy drown in complete darkness truly adds another layer of surrealism to it all. they never exchange names – the protagonist bc he doesn’t want to compromise himself, and neil bc well, if the protagonist doesn’t bother to offer name then why should he?

the things they talk about are simple, although unclear on whether what is true and what is warped into something not quite a lie, but close. they talk mostly to keep themselves sane (ironic, isn’t it?), to have a little distraction from the horrid things await them when morning comes.

i imagine the protagonist would wake up one day, call for neil, but get no answer in return. he tries more times, through many nights but still, no answer. neil’s just gone, so suddenly, and the protagonist can’t decide which sense of the word is worst. eventually, after a few more days of torture, of wondering and dreading, the protagonist finds his freedom.

it’s a joined effort, from himself and the tenet team sent to rescue him. i imagine the protagonist checking the room besides, finding it vacant of any furniture and living soul. he decides there that, yeah, perhaps the time in and out of inversion, paired with the isolation and torture he was put through, has really done a number on his mental state.

then, some months later, the protagonist would meet the voice in his head once again, but this time, with confirmation that it’s been real all along.

see, neil’s been moved to another holding facility. the antagonists have wanted him to work for them; have taken interests in the research he’s been doing on a particular field of physics and decided that he would be perfect to help them in their malicious plot for greed. neil... well, i wouldn’t say they broke through him, but he did agree eventually. the torture had been too much, and he was tired – he hated having to go back to the cell they were holding him in, facing this sickening dread as he questioned his sanity.

the voice in his cell had been a great reprieve from the undue punishments on his body, but not enough to completely elevate him from the pain of it. so he “broke”. he agreed to work with the antagonists, to save himself since it was obvious that no one ever would.

and that’s how the protagonist finds him again; when he breaks down the antagonists’ second location and discovers a compliant neil seemingly working for the people that was going to put a whole lot of lives in danger for their own greedy purposes. before they can say anything to each other, though, neil’s taken out by another agent – a sleeping dart placed carefully on his neck and pushed. the protagonist never did get the agents’ identity, having lost track of them in the midst of chaos going around him.

later, when neil is put in their medical care facility, the protagonist stands outside of his room, watching him sleep through the glass window and listening to a report about his conditions. it contains everything from the moment neil went missing from his london flat (presumed dead), to the time he’s spent under the antagonists’ captivity, to the point where they found him. then, the protagonist is shown a document, including various equations and graphs and terms that mostly went through his head.

he looks to the reporting agent, expecting a better explanation. the agent points out that the equations are wrong, but so delicately that she would’ve missed it if she hadn’t thought to take another, harder look.

“even if they’d gotten with it, their plan would’ve failed. that document you’re holding in your hand ensures that.” she turns to look at neil, regarding his sleeping figure. “he might’ve given into the idea of ever getting out of their claws, but he never gave in. he never truly gave them what they’d wanted from him.”

all of that winds down to one simple fact: neil’s passed the test, and the protagonist knows what that means. the protagonist has to wait a few hours for it, though; for neil to finally wake up and have his induction into tenet. in the meantime, he sits on the couch inside neil’s room, and waits, watching neil’s eyelids flutter in sleep, and feeling sorrow/rage/frustration grip tight to his being as he thinks about things that has and will happen to neil.

when neil wakes up, the protagonist is just right there to welcome him into the afterlife. he keeps his speech short, giving neil a brief overview of his situation, but neil isn’t really listening. the protagonist’s words blur together, not because of neil’s groggy mind, but because of a single, simple realization. it hits him so hard that he just can’t keep in the lone tear falling from his eyes. the protagonist sees this, and his heart aches – remembering how it’s felt when he was the one who was lying on the bed, getting told that his entire team had failed to make it out alive – and unlike his own recruited, the protagonist tries to comfort neil with, “listen, i know it’s hard—”

but neil just cuts him off entirely, reciting a phrase he’s said before, to the man he’s thought was just a dream his tired mind made up to keep him company at the late hours of the night. it stops the protagonist right in his tracks, staring down at neil, breathing harshly through his lips because he can’t believe it. he’s thought, also, but apparently, he’s thought wrong.

“i’m glad you’re real,” neil says, as he watches the same realization he’s experienced dawn on the protagonist’s face.

the protagonist takes a moment to respond, still a little bit stunned by neil’s words. then, he takes an easy breath, relaxing his tense shoulders, smiles down at neil - small and private, something just for the too of them - and says, “me too.”

because despite everything that had happened to them both during their time in that prison, they still had each other. they were there for each other, and the protagonist gets it now - the beautiful friendship that neil had alluded to. it is quite beautiful - poetic too, maybe - for them to have found each other in such a hopeless place, then lost that connect, then reconnecting it again because fate has willed it so.

the protagonist can’t help, even more so now that they are together again, looking forward to the things they will get up to - as promised. neil’s smile, sleepy yet sincere, tells him the very same thing.

[stattic-writes]

Snake Dance

https://statticscribbles.tumblr.com/post/639099629845233664/masterlist

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[purplesurveys]

807

Have you ever laughed at someone because they had a funny name? No, that sounds awful. I had so many kids laugh at me because of my name when I was younger, so I’ve learned better than to do that. If I come across a weird name I’m more likely to judge the parents than the kid themselves. Speaking of names, why do celebrities always call their kids stupid ones? It’s not just celebrities who do these; they’re just famous so they get all the attention. Generally though I really don’t know why more and more people have been choosing to give their kids odd names. X Æ A-Xii in particular stresses me outtttttttttt PLEASE LOVE YOUR CHILD If you have a problem with someone, will you confront them? Depends on who it is and how big/personal my problem is with them. I won’t always confront someone; sometimes it’s best to act like you don’t care. How do you like your tea? (: Iced, lemonade, and with a lot of sugar. Do you get car sick easily? No, only if I do something to induce motion sickness like reading or texting.

What did you want to be when you were a kid? The earliest occupations I wanted to have were firefighter, astronaut, and a veterinarian. When I got a little older I wanted to become an author. Insert funny memory here:  My favorite story to hear from my friends was when my org had a get-together shortly after we got new officers elected (myself included), and when I got drunk enough I was apparently announcing the suspensions of newly-inducted orgmates I was yet to know more, effective immediately loooool. It was part of my ~powers so I guess that’s why I spent nearly the whole evening doing that. I made sure to apologize to those people the day after. :(( Do you think you're a good conversationalist? Why is that? Yes, when it comes down to it. I pride myself on being a good listener – pair this with the fact that I’ve also learned to ask good questions through the years as a journalism student – so this ability usually includes being able to catch on to the little details they say. From there, I’m able to ask them questions I know they’d love to answer. My trick in conversations is to just have people talk about the things or hobbies they love, because time usually flies by then. Are you more likely to be called a hard worker or lazy? Hard worker. What is your sense of humour like? It’s pretty flexible. I can laugh at kiddie jokes, dark jokes as long as they are not blatantly offensive and harmful, and at the same time I can laugh at dank memes that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.   Do you think you're fairly intelligent? In what way? Yeah, but it’s book smarts more than anything else. I like reading and racking up new knowledge, memorizing things, acing tests, etc. I don’t consider myself street smart at all sadly lol, and I’m still super dependent on other people when it comes to crossing the road, commuting (if I have to), bargaining, etc. How do you like your eggs? Poached or scrambled. Do you enjoy visiting your relatives? I look forward to the food being served more than anything else, because Filipino family reunions don’t fuck around when it comes to the preparations haha. Other than that, I’m always a bit wary when visiting family because Filipino relatives also tend to come up with the worst introductory statements: “You’ve gotten so fat,” “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” and “I don’t like what you’re posting on Facebook” are just starters. What's your favourite thing about the nearest upcoming holiday? That would be Independence Day, and I like that it’s solely ours. Our independence day used to be on July 4th to be the same as America’s, but a past president changed it to June 12th so we can instead commemmorate the day we gained independence from Spain, instead of sharing our independence day with a colonizer. Have you ever been on a float in a parade? What were you doing on it? No, I haven’t. Have you ever had a strange compliment? What was it? I’ve probably gotten one or two of them but I don’t keep comments like those in my memory, so there’s a very good chance I’ve forgotten all about them. When was the last time you had deja vu? I don’t really remember exactly when but it was sometime within the last week. Have you ever had a dream in black and white? I don’t think so. I’d remember it if I have. What about a dream with no sound? Nope. What is something you find interesting but would never pursue as a career? Astronaut. It’s such an awesome job and I look up to everyone who does it, but for me it’ll always stay as a fantasy career. I’m simply not good enough at science to understand how stuff in space works; plus I get dizzy extremely easily and that’s not gonna work well for me when it’s time to board the spaceship lol. What types of people do you tend to avoid? Racists, homophobes, and fanatical Catholics. What is one personality trait a potential friend must have? They must have an introverted side. I can’t deal with people who are super active 24/7. Have you ever seen someone slip on a banana peel? Nope, I’ve only mostly seen that happen in Mario Kart hah. Have you ever been in a helicopter? I have not. What is a colour you love that's not your favourite? Maroon. Where would you like to travel to? Anywhere outside the house would be a great start. I’d love to get to go inside a mall, any mall. What colour is your car? / What colour would you like it to be? My car is white, and I’m happy with it being white. It looks clean and sleek that way, for me. Does anything hurt on your body right now? What? No but I’m feeling a little hot. I need a shower. What is your favourite mode of travelling? Road trip or by plane. Have you ever had Chickenpox? I haven’t. Dreading the day it comes to me because I just know it’ll be a million times worse as an adult. Can you roll your eyes into the back of your head? I can but it’s very uncomfortable and I don’t do it at all. I only did it often as a kid, whenever I wanted to scare off my sister or make funny faces with my cousins. If you have online friends, do you think you'd get on in real life? Yes, I think so. I’ve only had one negative experience with an online friend who turned out to be a dipshit, but I like to keep optimistic when it comes to my other friends.  Who is your favourite animated character? Answered this in another survey, but Spongebob. I also took a big liking to Mr. Peanutbutter from BoJack Horseman since he was the only one who kept me happy throughout the show hahahaha. Are your favourites often what the majority like? Like, in relation to my above answers? I know a lot of people didn’t really like Mr. Peanutbutter because he was horrible at reading Diane’s love language and due to his tendency to mask reality with humor and general immaturity, so there’s that. Spongebob is pretty much universally loved by everyone who has seen the show, though. If you could have anything for dinner tonight, what would you choose? I did have dinner already and I was very happy with the sisig my dad made. I would have had it with soju, but I already drank coffee today and with my body just finishing up healing itself from my awful fever last week, I don’t wanna beat up my body by mixing coffee and alcohol immediately lol. Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods? Savory. Do you worry about eating too much? What about eating too little? I don’t really worry about either. I find that I eat a healthy amount of food for all my meals, so there’s little reason to overanalyze that department. Is it dark outside right now? Yes, it’s 10:30 PM. The moon has an interesting haze around it at the moment that makes it hard to miss, but otherwise it’s very dark. Do you get scared when it's a full moon? No. Do you think Jaffa Cakes are a cake or a biscuit? xP I don’t even know what those are and I’m too lazy to check. If you go anywhere, do you always buy souvenirs for people? Nah, just for Gab. What was the last toy you got in a cereal box? I don’t know, I don’t remember. The last time there was a toy in a cereal box we bought would probably be like 16 years ago lol. Hypothetically speaking, if you owned a charm bracelet, would you always make sure the charms meant something to you? Not really. I imagine I’d get charms just because I want to collect them lol. I know Pandora does a lot of charm collections, like Disney and Harry Potter. It doesn’t always have to mean something to me. Are you waiting on anyone coming home right now? No. Everyone living here is home now. Is it easy to make you gag? Nope. I watch pro wrestling dude, I’ve seen lots of disgusting stuff go down. It’ll take a lot before I gag. Do you like the way your voice sounds? Yes, I’m alright with it for the most part. Do you usually keep to yourself? This is pretty vague. You mean about my personal life? I’d say so. I normally would keep to myself but I’m also an open book, if that makes sense. Like I’m okay with spilling out my stories or emotions, but people have to come to me and ask for them; otherwise I’m just staying quiet. Can you see the stars from your house? Sure. Sky looks best when you’re at the rooftop though. How would you react if your favourite band made a song with your first name as its title? It would be on repeat for like three months lol. What is a word or phrase you've been told you overuse? It’s been years but a prof once told me I used “okay, so...” a lot as a transition when I report. I appreciated the comment though and since that time I’ve been more watchful of the phrases I use when I report. Are you considered an awkward person? I have my times, yeah. I’ve gotten considerably better in dealing with people though and usually it’s them that’s awkward now, not me lol. Has a career advisor ever helped you choose your ideal career? No, I’ve never met up with a career advisor before. If you were abandoned for a week, would you be able to fend for yourself? Yes, as long as instant food and some basic frozen food are accessible to me ahuhu. Is there a light on in the room you're in? Yes. Have you ever been friends with someone who was your complete opposite? YES, Gabie and I cannot be any more different. Sometimes I still wonder how she and I ended up being friends at all, but I chalk it up to our humor and the way our (very different) personalities manage to mesh well together. Have you ever wished you were an identical twin? If one, do you hate it? Not really. What day were you born on? Tuesday. What's your favourite number? Why did you pick that? I never really had a favorite number. Whenever I have to pick one I just say 4 just because it’s Beyoncé’s favorite and she uses it on literally every concert, show, etc. so I’ve come to encounter it a lot as well lol. What does your favourite perfume / deodorant smell like? A little fruity. Who's your favourite Disney character? Flynn Rider. Do you like having a favourite everything or do you enjoy keeping open? I like having a favorite everything but I also like keeping my options open just in case I ever wanna shift favorites. What's your favourite advertisment? Or do you find them all irritating? I don’t pick ads to be my favorite lol. They’re not irritating, but I just don’t particularly care about any of them.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fic: An Internal Affair - Chapter 11 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: The Flash Pairing: Leonard Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: Leonard Snart, the CCPD Captain of Internal Affairs, is known as Captain Cold for a very good reason: He hates corrupt cops with a merciless vengeance, and once you’re on his list, you’re in serious trouble.

His next target?

A CCPD lab tech named Barry Allen who’s developed a suspicious habit of disappearing at random intervals.

—————————————————————————————————

Len had been having such a good day before this, too.

Allen (Barry, you should call him Barry - but not yet) was knee deep in CSI work, so he hadn't had time for a proper date, but they'd been texting and had met briefly to go for coffee once or twice and then again a couple of days later for lunch. All in nice, well-lit places that appeased Danvers.

Thawne reported that he and Iris were making some progress in their investigation of the disappearances, mostly interviewing people who'd submitted complaints that appeared Flash-related. They’d exhausted the list of people who’d complained to the CCPD and had gone to the mayor’s office to dig into the complaint archive there in case there were others.

Danvers had shaken his tree of contacts on his behalf and continued to find no evidence of Allen's corruption in relation to any Family, although his involvement with STAR Labs in some capacity was at this point undeniable.

He still hadn't gotten a warrant for STAR Labs (oh, did he ever want a warrant!), but the pile of evidence he was going to use to apply for one was growing nicely.

And then he'd come here and his world had fallen apart.

"So what's that mean?" Len asks through lips that feel like they've gone numb. "Does that mean - are you saying we gotta -"

"No, no," Dr. Callahan assures him. She's a competent-looking Latina woman in her thirties, whose usually mildly distracted air could turn into razor-sharp focus at a moment's notice. Len had picked her to be Mick's primary physician because he'd been oddly comforted by her habit of always carrying a small, thick paperback in her coat pocket. "We're nowhere near the point of needing to make end-of-life decisions."

Len nods shakily. That's good. Because if they asked him to pull the plug on Mick, he's not sure what he'd do.

Shoot himself next, maybe.

"I just wanted to be clear with you about timeline," Callahan continues, gently but firmly. "He's still well within the boundaries of a plausible coma, but given how well his burns are progressing, we're starting to get to the end of where we feel comfortable assisting with medical induction. But the more we phase it out, the less positive the signs are."

"What's that mean?" Len asks again. "Does it mean there ain't no hope of him waking up?"

"There's always hope," she says. "But this next month or so is probably crucial: he either wakes up on his own, or we have to start seriously considering the possibility that he won't wake up at all and adjusting his care accordingly. And that means discussing what might be the best care going forward, which does include end-of-life options."

Len nods dully. Mick hadn't had a DNR order on file, the idiot, but Len knew he didn't want to be one of those unfortunate creatures kept alive by machines years after all hope was extinguished.

He'd made that clear to Callahan, and that's what she was referring to: if Mick didn't wake up, they were going to talk about - to talk about -

Len's killed men before. Some women, too, if they were rotten - never children, despite a few jokes about wanting to strangle particularly loud ones.

He's never killed a friend before.

"I wanted to discuss this with you now so that you had time to get yourself ready, should the worst come to pass," Callahan says. She's sympathetic, he can tell, but she knows him well enough by now to know that he wouldn't appreciate any expressions of that sympathy. "We're going to do everything we can this month - pull out all the stops, so to speak - but in the end, it's going to be up to him."

Len nods mutely. His hand has somehow found Mick's on the bed, through no intention of his own, and he's squeezing it hard enough that his knuckles have gone white.

Callahan says some other things, more reassurance that there are still things they have to try, but he mostly tunes her out and eventually she goes away and leaves him there.

"Mick," he whispers, and his voice is scratchy. "Mick."

He hasn't really faced up to the idea of Mick not waking up. Oh, he's thrown in an "if" in his thoughts and words, but he's never really believed it.

His whole life is still centered around the belief that Mick will wake up one day: Danvers' increasingly long group chat of updates on Len's life, meant for Mick to one day read; his ridiculous crush and now possible-relationship with Allen, meant for Mick to learn of and hopefully approve...

His revenge, meant as a gift to help convince Mick to forgive him all his lies.

All dreams. All hopes.

All dust in his mouth.

He's never going to talk to Mick again. Never get the benefit of his kindness, his crass humor, his understated wisdom and insight into the human soul. Into Len's soul. He's never going to hear Mick lecture him on his health, on eating his vegetables, on not hanging out with Charlie too much. He's never -

There's still hope, Callahan said. Still hope.

He just can't see it right now.

It's a bad night.

Allen tries to text, but Len turns off his text notifications. Danvers calls, but he hangs up on her - not that that stops her from actually coming and banging on his window, but he snarls at her to go away and she does. Even Lisa calls - at Danvers' encouragement, no doubt - and Len's sense of duty as an older brother makes him pick up, but he doesn't actually say anything more than "This ain't a good time, Lise," and remaining otherwise mute.

Hearing her voice does help a little, though.

It helps enough that when Danvers shows up to escort him to work the next morning, jaw set in a manner that suggests refusal isn't an option, he agrees to go.

Work will be good, he thinks. Thinking certainly isn't doing any favors.

It doesn't work.

Len spends the morning staring down at the paperwork he's supposed to be filling out with an overwhelming feeling of despair. He knows he's doing good work, necessary work, vital work cleaning up the city police into something worthy of the name, but what good is it, really, if Mick's not going to be around to see that Len being a cop isn't actually all that bad?

When you have nothing, you still have your duty, he reminds himself, and forces himself to pick up the pen. You still have your city, which you love.

Paperwork isn't really doing it for him today, though. Necessary, yes, but he's already gone as far as he can right now - the DAs won't take any new cases out of his backlog unless he can prove something truly egregious, and there's only so many subpoenas and wiretapping warrants he can fill out.

He needs action.

That's why it's a relief when Iris sweeps into his office in the early afternoon, taking one look at him and announcing, "You look like reheated crap."

"Reheat crap often, do you?" Danvers asks grumpily from her desk. She's been stressing about him since last night; she's entitled to a bad mood. "We usually just flush it away, here."

Iris is surprised into a snort, which interrupts the entrance line she'd no doubt had lined up. "Okay," she says. "That was a good one. That was really good. A+ for both timing and delivery."

Danvers smiles a bit at that. "Captain Snart's not exactly feeling up to company right now," she adds.

"Captain Snart is right fucking here," Len says through gritted teeth.

"See?" Danvers tells Iris, who nods.

"I just need something really quick, I promise," Iris says, shifting over to speak to Len directly. "Eddie got pulled away on a precinct-wide thing going on today - something about a gorilla? I'm not sure - and I wanted to follow up on a lead that I got, but he insisted I clear it with you first. We all good?"

Len, not being an idiot, blinks slowly at her. "Funny," he says. "Nowhere in that sentence did you actually inform me of what lead you're intending on following up, where, and what you're planning on doing that Detective Thawne sent you here first."

"Damn," she says mildly. "You're sharp as a tack, aren’t you? Okay, fine. I want to go question a guy who supposedly got fired from STAR Labs right before the Particle Accelerator went live. I found his name in Mason's notes."

Mason Bridge - that was the newspaper editor from Iris' internship, the one that had been her supervisor. He'd been one of the more recent disappearances.

"I thought all his notes had disappeared along with him," Len says. "What with him being paranoid over anyone getting a glimpse at them."

"Says the hypocrite," Danvers coughs.

"So did I," Iris says, smirking at Danvers. "But then it occurred to me - after talking with Kara here, actually! - that he might've asked one of the CCPN secretaries for some help with them at some point during his career, and one of them was actually able to show me a secret nook in his office where he kept some files in the event of a fire. Sadly not all of them, but it did have this one guy's name. That's something, right?"

"That sounds like a very promising lead," Len says.

"That's what I thought!"

"What's the guy's name?"

"No way," Iris says. "I'm not telling you that; you might try to assign the follow-up to someone else. I’m tired of sitting around in the mayor’s office’s archives digging through papers; this is my only leverage to make sure that I get to go."

She's not wrong. Len appreciates that, even if it’s annoying.

"Makes sense," he says.

"So you approve?" she asks hopefully.

"Why don't you tell me why Detective Thawne wanted you to ask my permission before following up on it, first," Len says wryly, "and then we'll see?"

Iris is a positive sneak; he likes that in a person.

She makes a face at him. "Well, this individual - er - may or may not be - uh - living in the Keystone slums."

Len arches his eyebrows. "Where in the slums?"

"...near Leopold Ave."

"Ah, yes," Len says. "Now it all makes sense. I have no idea why Detective Thawne might have any hesitation about letting you go down to Murderers' Row all by your lonesome."

"...so that's a no, then," Iris concludes.

"Oh, no, I think it's a great idea," Len says. "In fact, I'll go along with you."

"What? No!" Danvers exclaims. "Are you crazy?"

"Danvers -"

"Don't you 'Danvers' me! Do you have a memory problem or something, where you can't remember that the Families are trying to kill you? Murderers' Row is prime Family territory!"

"Technically not -"

"Only because no one wants to deal with disciplining it! Just because it's too unorganized to be properly called organized crime does meant that -"

"I need to do something," Len says flatly. Something about his voice makes Danvers pause and look at him warily. "This will do just fine."

"...fine," she says. "Will you at least wear the -"

"I ain't wearing the mask to Murderers' Row," Len says, rolling his eyes. "Keystone ain't Central like that; they'd shoot me just for hiding my face."

"But -"

"No. And that's final."

"Fine!" she exclaims, crossing her arms and glaring hard enough that Len fancies that he can feel the hair on the back of his arms crisping up again. Danvers has a good glare. "But I'm coming with you."

"I don't think taking either of you is a good idea," Iris says. "Snart, you're wanted by the Families, and Danvers, listen, it's dangerous -"

"What, and it's not dangerous for you? You're literally a civilian!"

Technically, as admin staff, so is Danvers, but Len's not dumb enough to say as much.

"One person can more easily escape notice than two -"

"If by 'escape notice' you mean 'get kidnapped and sold into human trafficking,' which I suppose is one way to interpret that phrase, albeit an uncommon one," Len says dryly. "No. We all go, or I go, and those are our only options. And Danvers, if you really want to do this - which you don't have to -"

"I know that, and I'm doing it anyway," she says stubbornly.

"- then at the very least I insist you take a service weapon with you," Len continues. "I don't care if you don't like guns."

"Fine. But I get hazard pay for this!"

"Of course you get hazard pay for this," Len says.

Danvers blinks at him. "I - wasn't expecting that to actually work. I really get hazard pay?"

"Why not? This is what hazard pay was meant for."

"Can I get -" Iris starts.

"You're a consultant, it was your idea in the first place, and you're basically blackmailing us into taking you along with us by threatening to withhold the witness' name," Len points out. He likes people with spirit, but even he has reasonable limits. "No hazard pay, you take a stun gun, and if we all survive, I'll consider giving you a bonus in retrospect. And if you ever try to blackmail anyone over anything bigger than a ridealong, I’ll crush you like a gnat."

"...understood,” Iris says. “Also, a stun gun, seriously? I’m a cop’s kid; I can handle a real gun -"

"And until you can handle it to my satisfaction on a police shooting range, you take the stun gun," Len says firmly. He was a cop’s kid, too, and while he’ll allow that it typically provides some knowledge of how to use a gun, it doesn’t instill significant confidence in a person’s ability to know when not to use a gun, which is more his area of concern. "Now, we're wasting daylight. Shall we catch a ride into Keystone?"

The original taxi they catch takes them into the center of downtown, which is as close as the driver is willing to go to Murderers' Row. Len can't blame him; the area's awful at the best of times, and the times following the devastation wrought by the Particle Accelerator could hardly be considered the best of times.

"We can't walk there from here," Iris objects. "It'd take us over an hour even without factoring in Snart's crutches, and - all jokes about stupid bravery aside - I don't want to be stuck here past sundown."

"No problem," Len says. "Why'd you think I asked him to take us to the corner of Rundown Street?"

Iris glances at the street sign with a frown. "It's called Sundown Street -"

A car zooms them by at illegally high speeds, coming out of nowhere on a sharp turn, passing close enough for the wind to buffet them. It's followed a second later by another one.

If they'd been even a single step off the curve, they'd be dead.

"Like I said," Len says wryly. "Rundown Street. Otherwise known as the most popular drag racing strip inside Keystone City proper. C'mon, we're not far from the finish line - we'll be able to get one of the losers to give us a ride if we pay his loser's fee."

"Loser's fee?" Danvers asks.

"The buy-in amount," Len says. "Not too expensive, but more than most drivers can afford - but it can be waived if you're willing to bet your car as collateral."

"I get it," Iris says. "We save someone's car - and their livelihood - and they drive us wherever we want. That's...kind of cold-blooded."

"Well," Len drawls. "They do call me Captain Cold, you know."

"I bet they wouldn't if they knew how much you enjoyed it," Iris says, but she's grinning.

Their selected driver turns out to be a young African-American man on the verge of college age, who goes by the street name "Wally Wheeler", and he's incredibly grateful about them saving his car.

"I'm trying to save up money for my mom's medical treatments," he explains to a sympathetic Iris and Danvers. "I got a part-time job at first, but it didn't make enough. And I was good at this, so..."

"As long as you stick to racing," Len says. "Those sort of problems are what lead people to the Families, but if you go there, you'll get trouble you won't get out of."

"Isn't racing also illegal?" Iris asks, giving Len a look.

Len shrugs. As vices go, racing's far from the worst one to have.

"The boss is a big believer in victimless crime," Danvers tells Iris, sounding long-suffering. "He thinks it's a panacea against crimes that do have victims, like the corruption involved with and caused by Family work. Also, don't ask what he considers to be 'victimless', it'll just turn into a rant about the modern state of property insurance."

"Chattel insurance," Len mutters under his breath.

"That's not necessarily wrong, though," Wally - Len refuses to call any human being 'Wheeler' - says. "About the difference between petty law-breaking like drag-racing and, well, worse stuff than that. I know lots of guys that do stupid stuff and justify it on the basis that at least it's not the Family biz."

"Hmm," Iris says. "That's interesting. Tell me, would you consider letting me interview you..?"

"Yeah, sure, if you'd be willing to get tested for bone marrow compatibility for my mom," Wally says. "One interview if you get tested, and if you’re a match, well, I'll do all the interviews you want."

"Deal," Iris says. "Danvers, what about you? Want to get tested together?"

"I can't," Danvers says apologetically. "Medical issue. But I have a really, really rare blood type, so I wouldn't be a match anyway."

"Snart?"

"My doc says she's the only one allowed to stick me with needles for the foreseeable future," Len says, waggling his crutch pointedly. Giving blood after getting shot in a dirty warehouse is just asking to potentially spread some sort of blood-borne disease, even if the tests have come up negative so far. "Anyway, Wally, about that ride – we need to go to Murderers' Row."

Wally's eyebrows go straight up. "You gotta death wish or something?"

"We need to talk to someone there," Iris says. "You don't have to stay -"

"Are you joking? Of course he has to stay," Len says. "How do you expect us to get out again?"

"But -"

"No, it's cool," Wally says. "Your man here looks like he can handle himself - you're packing, right?"

"Of course."

Wally nods. "Then I'll stick around. I've never been in Murderers' Row long enough to see what it looks like."

"Me either," Iris says, sounding excited.

Len blinks at them. "It's a slum," he says blankly. "It doesn't look like anything."

Danvers pats him on the back. "The guy with a ranking system for different prisons doesn't get to throw stones here, boss."

...it's not his fault Iron Heights sucks balls. Or that Len has a multipage spreadsheet to prove it.

Murderers' Row, on the other hand, is just your average old slum: ratty dirty buildings halfway or more to falling apart, shoddy half-hearted repairs, people hanging around looking at each other suspiciously, everyone packing more heat than a summer's day - lead in the walls, dirt in the water, and violence in the air.

Len feels at home already.

"You're humming, boss."

"Nice to be back in the old parts of town," Len says. "Though of course this don't have anything on Central's slums - now there's a prime bit of slum territory -"

A member of the local gangs - not Family, just a local - who was oh-so-casually loitering ever closer to them, hand on the gun in his pocket in the event of their being either a threat or unwary prey, gives out a snort at that, his shoulders dropping.

"Shoulda known a Middleman'd be the only one dumb enough to bring two bits into Murderers' Row," he says, friendly enough.

"What, and after all the effort I went getting one of each color, too?" Len replies, smirking back even as his voice drops back into the comfortable nasal drawl he grew up with. "Archboys got no taste - and no discernment, neither, if you think these here are bits. You really think I'd come here with one leg and no protection?"

The gang member nods amiably. Like most low-level thugs, he's willing to give the benefit of the doubt to just about anything he doesn't understand - and the idea of a slum kid like Len showing up with crutches and two pretty ladies ripe for kidnapping is just ludicrous enough that he's willing to believe that Danvers and Iris are both enforcers hidden in sheep's clothing.

"Don't start nothing," the guy still says in warning, clearly more reflexively than anything else, and heads back to rejoin his gang.

Iris does Len the tremendous favor of waiting until he's gone to ask, in an undertone, "Middleman? Archboys?"

"Middlemen are Central City slum kids, born and raised," Len tells her. "Archboys are the same but for Keystone. There isn't an official divide, of course, but everyone's got their loyalty, what with the two cities being so close."

"And bits?" Danvers asks. "What's that mean?"

"Uh," Len says.

"Whores," Wally says, amused. "Except your guy here somehow convinced him that we must all actually be really dangerous because it'd be too stupid to come here otherwise."

Len shrugs modestly. He's always had a gift for bullshit. "Now's your turn," he says to Iris. "The name?"

"Hartley Rathaway," Iris says.

Len's eyebrows shoot up. He's not the only one.

"I know, I know, a Rathaway here of all places; it sounds dumb," Iris says, seeing his expression. "But he was disowned by his family after he came out and then blackballed from the scientific research industry after getting fired from STAR Labs, and Mason'd traced him here."

"Well," Len says. "At least he'll be easy to find."

"Not without street numbers," Iris says, scowling at the rundown buildings.

"Who needs street numbers when you've got cardboard?" Len asks. "Wait here."

He hobbles over to the nearest outpost of the cardboard brigade - not far, there's a nice alleyway where a handful of homeless people are congregating.

Len likes the cardboard brigade. His usual contact – a crazy ageless woman called the Mad Magpie that likes to hang around the police precinct, thus the ‘crazy’ moniker – likes him back, and that usually means he can ask for favors other people wouldn’t get. In this case, he gives them the usual set of passwords and asks for the courtesy of an hour's head start before they start spreading his name and face around.

They agree cheerfully and direct him to one of the buildings on the street, the one with a green door and boarded-up windows.

Their target supposedly resides on the third floor.

"This is wild," Wally murmurs, staring at the entranceway to the building with some trepidation. "I can't believe you're going to go interview a guy in Murderers' Row, ex-millionaire's kid or not. You journalists have got some serious balls."

Len decides not to correct Wally's misapprehension as to their profession, as cops are as little liked here as anywhere in the slums. Besides, that comment was mostly aimed at Iris, who is, in fact, a journalist.

...technically.

Being a blogger counts, right?

Len struggles up the steps. The slums are not exactly handicap-friendly, to say the least, but at least he has Danvers' strong arm and excellent sense of discretion to help get him there.

By the time they're on the third floor landing, he's breathing hard and both Iris and Wally have identical worried expressions.

Literally identical, actually; Len wonders if they're related. Sadly, there's probably no polite way to ask Iris if her dad happens to have any illegitimate kids out there.

"You sure you're -" Iris starts.

"I'm fine," Len says, catching his breath. "What's all that PT for if not for climbing stairs and interrogating witnesses?"

"Assuming this guy's there at all," Wally says.

"That's a good point," Iris says. "He could've been disappeared, too."

Wally looks intrigued. "People have been disappearing? That sounds bad. Can I help?"

"You're already helping," Iris assures him.

"Danvers, how much of a budget do we have for interns?" Len murmurs as quietly as he can, knowing that Danvers' ridiculous bat-ears will hear anything he says as long as there's even the slightest exhalation giving sound to the words.

"You could use having a more reliable driver than Charlie, of all people," she whispers back. "I'll check when we get back to the office, but we can probably make it work."

"S'long as he never intends on being a real cop later in life, it could get him outta some of his current trouble..."

With that settled, Len decides to ignore Iris' attempt to brief Wally on what they know (nothing, but told from a fairly pro-Flash perspective) and knock firmly on the door.

Nothing.

"Danvers?" Len asks.

"There's someone inside," she confirms. "Only one person, as far as I can tell."

"How can you tell?" Wally asks.

"Danvers has ridiculously good hearing," Len says proudly. "The only way she could be more accurate about this sorta thing is if she had X-ray vision."

Danvers flushes.

It’s simultaneously hilarious and rage-inducing (mostly at her family) how shy she is about how awesome she is.

Len knocks again, this time harder. "C'mon," he calls. "We know you're in there, we mean no harm, and anyway, I hear that the price of door replacements on Murderers' Row is killer."

Danvers groans, Iris smirks, and Wally stares up at the ceiling like it can give him answers to how he ended up here.

A second later, the door swings open.

"That was fucking awful," the man inside informs them, smirking.

Len frowns at the man - about the same height as Len, Caucasian, brunet, and scruffy like he thinks Indiana Jones is a role model, wearing a dark green hoodie and cheap jeans - and says, "I'm gonna assume you ain't Hartley Rathaway."

"No shit," the guy says. He looks vaguely familiar, now that Len thinks about it. "What gave it away, the extra foot of height or the fact that I don't talk rich?"

"The latter," Len says. "Given that I ain't never met the guy in person to know about the rest. He live here?"

“Who wants to know?”

“A nosy asshole,” Len says. “Don’t make me go ask the cardboard brigade to tell me the same thing, okay?”

The guy snorts, acknowledging the point.

“So does Rathaway Jr. live here?” Len prods.

"Usually, yeah," the guy says, giving in. "He’s my roomie. Ain’t been back in a couple weeks, though."

"He's been disappeared?" Wally exclaims.

The guy gives Wally a weird look. "Or he's just not been here for a couple weeks. It happens sometimes – jobs, laying low, that sorta deal."

"Oh."

"What’s that about people getting disappeared..?"

"Can we come in anyway?" Len interjects, not answering the question. "I could use a chair to crash in before attempting those stairs again."

"Yeah, sure, come in. Do I know you from somewhere?"

"I was just thinking that," Len says. Danvers is shaking her head at him pointedly like she's trying to tell him something, but he's not sure what; he's too busy trying to place the guy. "What's your deal?"

"Usual cut crew work, largely freelance - used to work with my brother -"

"Do you have a name, maybe?" Iris asks, following them inside, even as Len's nodding. “That might help more than your profession.”

The guy flushes, remembering his manners. "Uh, Mark. Mark Mardon. Nice to meet you."

Len snaps his fingers as it comes to him. "The Dollarhyde Street diamond job! The getaway drivers!"

"Holy crap," Mardon says, recognition lighting up his own eyes. "Leonard Snart?! I heard you went straight!"

Danvers puts her head in her hands.

Oh, right. That's what she'd been hinting at him about: Len's a wanted man in criminal circles.

Damnit, Danvers, thirty years a thief and four months a proper cop - he's going to mess up sometimes!

"Uh," Len says, wondering if this is about to escalate into a firefight.

"You were badass, man," Mardon says admiringly. "We got away clean with the cut from your job with no sweat, and it lasted us nearly a year of good living. One of the best jobs we ever did. You're good people, man; the criminal underworld lost a genius when you turned."

Aw, Len's touched.

Also rather relieved.

(Danvers' shoulders are now shaking with laughter, while Iris and Wally both gape.)

“Always a pleasure to meet a fan,” he says, ignoring his audience. Hopefully they’ll know well enough to stay out of this conversation and leave it entirely to him.

He knows how to talk to criminals.

"Is it true that you sent fifty pigs to jail in one month alone?" Mardon asks eagerly.

Len grins. Being admired for his cop work by criminals is somehow even sweeter than being admired for his top-notch criminal skills. "Almost. Some of 'em refused to plea bargain out and are going to trial - or are supposed to go to trial. They're begging for a plea bargain now."

"Fuckers deserve it," Mardon says fervently. "Every one of 'em. I hate cops."

"Corrupt cops," Len corrects.

"Aren't they all?" Mardon asks.

"Leave me some hope here, please," Len says dryly. "I don't wanna have to start the whole thing from scratch."

"Hey, they're not all bad," Iris protests. "My dad's a cop! So is my boyfriend!"

"Can we keep it down with all this cop talk?" Wally hisses. "My old man was a cop before he ditched my mom, but I don't go around boasting about it! Especially not here of all places!"

Mardon's frowning at Iris. "You’re from Central," he says slowly. "Your dad wouldn't happen to be Joe West, would he?"

"Uh," Iris says instead of confirming it, proving that she's not a total idiot. "Why do you ask?"

"Because Joe West murdered my brother," Mardon says, still frowning suspiciously at Iris. "My baby brother, Clyde - West shot him right in the fucking back. And one day, I'm going to get back at West by murdering someone he loves, too."

"Lucky for us that she’s a Lloyd, not a West, then, ain’t it?" Len interjects, lying his ass off with the name of the first black cop he can think of that isn’t West and extremely uncertain as to whether it's going to work. He wishes he were less surprised that even when he's not part of the investigation, Joe West still manages to fuck everything up. "You know I'm not going to let you do that, right?"

Mardon glances at him, scowling, and then just as Len's considering going for his gun, suddenly relaxes. "Should've figured," he says with a grin. "I know your code against killing civilians; if you had that as a thief, I can't see you changing it as a pig."

Len shrugs. "What can I say? I never much liked the idea of some civilian getting iced just 'cause they happened to have the wrong blood. If the whole world acted like that, I'd've never made it out of the crib before someone would've put me out of my misery to make a point to my old man."

Mardon grunts. "Yeah, I guess," he says reluctantly. "Sure wouldn't've have wanted someone going after Clyde because of some damn stupid thing I did, I guess."

"Exactly," Len says, then hesitates. "You want me to look into hammering West for that shooting?"

Sadly, he knows it's probably a lost cause if the officer-related shooting's already been resolved by the bureau. They don't reopen stuff like that without evidence of some sort of cover-up or something, and it sounds like Clyde Mardon being shot in the back was pretty public already.

Still…

"Might not go anywhere,” Len continues, ignoring how Iris is trying to death-glare a hole into his back. She’s got nothing on Danvers. “But at least it's better than you getting sent down for life 'cause you murdered an innocent, yeah? What do you say?"

"No," Mardon says. "Thanks, and I appreciate the offer, but no. I've got a back-up plan in place that ought to show West what for without getting in your crosshairs. Property, not people."

"It'd better stay property not people," Len warns him. "I'm gonna have to tip off the CCPD about this little convo; you'll get pre-med for sure if anyone goes down, and that means the death penalty gets put on the table."

"Yeah, whatever," Mardon says. "The pigs won't be able to stop me even if they tried."

"That's what they all say," Len says wearily. "Now listen, can you help us or not?"

Mardon blinks at him. "Help you? With what?"

"We're looking into some disappearances, most of which seem to happen right around the same time as a Flash sighting," Len says. "We think Rathaway might have some insight. Can you tell him to call when he gets back? And let us know if he doesn't get back?"

"Sure," Mardon says, accepting Len's card. "But only 'cause you go exclusively against cops in your new job. D'Angelo said you were still cool with the trade for the most part."

"D'Angelo also promised to keep his mouth shut," Len says with a sigh. He really hopes Iris doesn’t remember to pay attention to this part of the conversation, but she’s a would-be journalist; he’s sure she will. Well, he always did believe in the philosophy of not doing anything you wouldn’t want to go down for doing later on, and he’s perfectly willing to face the music on this one. After all, working with D'Angelo got him the best lead they’ve had yet on the Flash. "Amateurs. Anyway, I didn't say it before, but I'm real sorry to hear about Clyde; he had a beautiful way with just about anything on four wheels."

Mardon smiles. "That he did. That he did."

Len nods and gets painfully back up to his feet. "Don't suppose you've got anything to add about these disappearances yourself? Or the Flash?"

Mardon snorts. "No. Or, well, yeah: if you don't see anything really big go down by the waterfront in the next few days or so, assume that I've been disappeared, too."

"So noted," Len says, then turns his attention to his small crew, mute and watching. "C'mon, all, we're wasting daylight. We'll hear from Rathaway when or if he comes back."

They follow Len down those horrific stairs – he needs so much more PT than he thought he did before he tried those stairs, but his leg is considering secession in self-defense while his side and spine are basically giant screaming pits of agony – and back out into the street.

"So, that went - uh - interestingly," Danvers says, her voice somehow still cheerful even though she’s looking at Len a little worriedly. "At least we got a heads up about possible violence, right?"

"Honor among thieves," Len says, nodding. "Mardon's a bit old school at heart; he didn't have to give us that much."

"Probably not. And, uh, weird question," Danvers says. "Did anyone else notice how right in the middle of the conversation the weather right outside the window got all -"

"He's going to do something terrible!" Iris explodes. "We have to stop him!"

"We'll tell everyone," Len says soothingly. "Including Detective West; we’ll just get him to avoid the waterfront for a bit. It'll be fine."

"You sure?" Wally asks anxiously. "I mean, I've never met this West guy, and I'm sure he's a total dickbag, but that doesn't mean I want him to get hurt."

"He's not a -" Iris starts, then pauses. "Listen, he's not a total dickbag, okay? Not all the time."

Len would disagree, but whatever.

"And what do you know about him, anyway?" she continues accusingly. Clearly a believer in the ‘I can criticize him but you can’t’ school of thought, Iris West. "You're not even from Central; you’re from Keystone! He’s never even policed your area – you don’t know anything about him! You don’t have any reason to say anything about him!"

"Yeah, well," Wally says, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. "According to my mom, he's my old man."

"He's what?!" Iris shrieks.

Oh, boy. Len'd thought they looked similar, but he hadn't really thought that whole 'illegitimate child' theory had water in it.

This is going to get unnecessarily emotional fast, he just knows it.

"What do you care?" Wally snaps. "Your old man's Lloyd or whatever; mine's the one at risk!"

"I'm not a Lloyd, I'm a West!" Iris exclaims. "Snart was just lying so I wouldn't get shot!"

"Uh, guys?" Danvers says. "Maybe we should be having this out in Murderers' Row?"

"But," Wally says, then falters. "If you're a West – and if he really is my old man –"

"- then I'm your sister," Iris finishes. "Holy crap. You're my brother!"

“Holy crap!”

“Holy crap!”

Yeah, Len's done with this.

He gives his best ear-piercing whistle.

All three of them look accusingly at him, clutching their ears. Danvers in particular looks like a sad miserable puppy that’s been betrayed by a surprise visit to the vet or something.

Too bad, so sad.

"Everyone get back in the car," he orders. "You can talk about all this family stuff on the drive back to Central. And maybe let’s do this before we all get shot? The cardboard brigade only promised me an hour before they sold my presence here to the Families."

That, at least, gets everyone moving.

Len resigns himself to the worst car ride ever.

[jeaneybean]

Storming castle werewolf

with a lot less storming and a lot more ‘how do I  manipulate everyone and not get ourselves killed’

Entering town Wolf-Wolf paws at his nose and is unable to follow the scent anymore. While Nitahn takes Wolf Wolf around the marketplace to see if he can catch any scents while Vera and Oz find a room for the night and board the donkeys. After Nitahn doesn’t find anything he finds the inn, where Vera and Oz have found out that there’s been a lot of travelers in the area, and that there’s been a lot of activity at the castle. The group has dinner (Vera nearly losing her hand to offering Wolf Wolf some meat) and they head to bed.

The next morning they again get out around town, heading to the church for a bit. Nothing evil there, but they slightly interupt service when they bring in a wolf and a fucking horse (since Steve has again hidden his horn) into the building. After Nitahn makes sure there’s not a wedding ceremony happneing because oz has him so paranoid he just leaves. After a bit more searching the town and asking about Nitahn’s ‘brother’ they head up to the castle to try and get an audience. A man comes from the castle to ask them their business, to which Vera replies that they’re there to pay respect to the family on their way through the area, and that they have family business to discuss. After he leaves after promising to pass along the information Vera feins that she’s made a faux paus and didn’t ask for his name. He’s Hanz the younger, the younger sibling of the Schwarzesholz family. Vera introduces the party as the Isha group, earning herself ‘We ain’t never heard no Isha clan’ “Then I’m doing my job right.”.

They head to the inn for the night, and the next day Oz starts annotating the letter from Vera’s husband and realizes that he’s kind of written a reply. He asks her if he can write her husband and Vera says of course he can. Her husband is brilliant, but he doesn’t make friends easily and he’d enjoy someone to talk magic with. She starts trying to teach Wolf-Wolf to ‘take it nice’ when it comes to eating food, but doesn’t get much headway. After patting his ears she tells him his fur is weird, then remarks to Oz that she doesn’t really have much experience with animals. Her husband has a cat that’s 28 years old, though. Oz scores a good knowledge nature roll to know that’s unreasonably old for a cat. That, with the additional information from the letter that focused on Necromany questions and how Vera both fears undead and has an interest in anything creepy/vampire skeletons, Oz has a suspicious that her husband is a necromancer.

A letter comes for the party, and when Vera realizes it’s gibberish she hands it over to Nitahn, who can read it for traveler’s cant. It’s from Fyodora, and she says that there’s a back pathway into the castle and if they come after dark she’ll be able to meet with them, because she’s up in the keep. So the party gets ready, Nitahn taking a bath to make himself nice and Vera harassing him while he’s taking the bath. “Are we friends, Havilah?” “not right now we’re not!”

After asking Steve if he wants to come to the party sets out, going along a quiet cliffside path until they get to a dead end. Nitahn knocks a few times, and a footman opens the door. He leads them through the castle, Steve following after. The group passes by a corridor that smells heavily of death and decay. The Footman explains that’s where they keep the remains of those who don’t take the change. It gives a somber sort of feel as the group follows in the castle. 

At a point the footman leaves them, giving direction on where to go from there. Vera asks him if he’ll be okay, and the footman says he’ll be fine if no one catches him. Vera advises him to go back to Steve if he’s in danger, as Steve had to hang back in a more narrow passage. They continue towards where they were told to go, Nitahn’s enlightened ring fading when they’re almost at the wall. So in pitch darkness they push forward, Nitahn knocking on the wall. 

A hidden passage opened and there’s Vlad staring out at the group unimpressed. Vera leans to the side and gives him a shit eating grin at the sight of his eye, which while still there now has a scar over it. “Hey.” She says and Vlad grunts unhappily. After a moment though Fyodora is there and Nitahn squeezes past Vlad to check in on her. She’s fine, dressed well. Vlad’s also dressed a lot better.

Surprisngly blows don’t happen and the group is willing to listen to Vlad and Fyodora to learn what’s happened. Vlad had been sent to grab Fyodora and bring her south, because the head of the clan is trying to consolodate power and build up forces in the wake of rumors of Von Rothrine strength waning. Juno, previousy married into the Vodyvolk clan, sent her son Vlad north to find a specific halfblood. Bastard daughter to the pack leader of the Vodyvolk, a girl who’d been passed on after birth to a group of Travelers. Fyodora is Vlad’s half sister. Due to her high status and worth, Juno has yet to marry her off like she has several others. The ones that possesed the ability to slightly control their wolf form when they were infected were inducted into the family, and all that didn’t posses the ability to change are in the cellars.

Vlad pops an additional prerequesite to the plan: there are six others waiting for the full moon to be infected and face the change. He wants them all out, because traveling with Fyodora and getting to know her has helped him realize that this plan is a horrible plan. Vera asks if he’ll face reprecussions for this and he’s basically like ‘if I’m caught, yeah’ because being the son of the effective ruler of the pack doesn’t mean a lot if you betray the pack. Vera’s like ‘well, we’ll have to get you out too then’. They have some banter, with Vera being like ‘Hi, daddy issues. I’m also daddy issues.” which earns a laugh from Vlad.

They (and I mean Vera, Oz has started to harass Nitahn) as Vlad various questions about the family. What Juno’s goals are, what’s the proper terms of address, how to adress the family, what subjects to avoid. That kind of thing. And Vera starts getting a plan to cover up the old one that she can’t use anymore (She was going to blame Vlad for everything and point out what a security risk he was for kidnapping a girl from Von Rothrine territory, dragging her through the territory, getting into a fight in town, all that jazz. That won’t work.) because she’s wants to get some use out of Anton Bellek and his fuckery.

They say their goodbyes to Fyodora and Vlad and head back out the way they came. Once they get back to the catacombs however, when they pass the smelly hallway they all hear a noise. Vera doesn’t detect any evil, but they keep hearing a sort of wet meat smacking noise, like something’s moving. Instead of investigating that they get the fuck out of dodge and head back to the inn.

Fyodora sends a second letter that starts out readable by anyone as ‘I don’t want to see you again Havilah’ but he can read (after the initial shock) that she’s still safe and that an invite to the castle for dinner should come in the next few days. And, indeed, Hanz the younger comes himself to the inn to extend the invitation, asking for any dietary concerns like a proper polite host. They exchange plesantries and are told to dress nice if they’re able before Hanz leaves. The eldest barmaid is like ‘Well, that sounds interesting!’ and Vera’s like ‘oh, doesn’t it?”

Oz takes to the wagon to edit the dress Nitahn bought Vera to fit her and edit a set of armitage’s dress clothes to fit himself while Nitahn heads into town to buy something to cover up his smell on advice of Vlad. He buys two vials of perfume and after Wolf-Wolf leads him to a soap vendor and is like ‘hey i found that scent we were looking for!!!!’ Nitahn buys him a treat. The party gets ready and Oz i able to tell that the cologne Nitahn bought is based in fox urine. He doesn’t tell him and Nitahn douses himself liberally with it. Without their armor but with their silvered weapons the party heads to the castle after a last minute stop to buy a cask of whiskey to offer as a gift.

Vlad had warned them that there would likely be a large number of people in the hall for dinner as a show of force, because Juno has been making a lot of family members. Vera steps foward and adresses the family: first Deidric the clan head, then she adresses Juno as the countes of the vodyvolk wilds (which earns an eyebrow raise, thanks for the in Vlad) and when Hanz arrives a bit late she addresses him as proper. Juno looks to Vlad and he gives a sharp shake of his head; she’s asking if they’re the ones who nearly killed him a few days prevously. (He’s got a gnarly scar on his abdomen, Vera apologized for nearly bisecting him)

Plesantries are made and Vera explains that they’ve been in the country long enough that if you play meek and skirt under the lords of the land then you’re a target, so visiting the family to pay them duty due is only proper. She also alludes to having an interest in finding like minds against the Von Rothrines, citing the town of Hora that the group met in four months ago that was filled with kind people and then very abruptly wasn’t from the thirst. “Revenge, or justice?” “Justice, on a grand scale.”

Having piqued the interest of the countess they settle in to dinner. Nitahn sits by Deidric and gets talked to about hunting for a bit, and Juno calls in the wolves. Literally. Like 30 wolves come ito the room and start picking on the scraps. Questions start coming Nitahn’s way, like “So, where are you from?” “oh, all over, I’m a traveler.” “Traveler, huh? So, dragonport, dormond, rusk?” “All of the above!” “you’re pretty hairy.” “Yeah....” “That’s a nice wolf you got there. Few steps from wild, huh?” “Yeah, I found him, he’s a stray.” “You have a good connection with him? Like, almost understand him?” “Well, I’m working on it, he doesn’t understand me the best.” And he lets them down by not being a werewolf, but shortly after gains some points when someone else asks “So how’d he lose the ear?” and Nitahn awkwardly is like “He bit me. So i bit him back.” leading to anyone listening to burst into laughter and appreciaction. One asks him why he smells like fox piss, to which Nitahn looks betrayed at Oz. Oz doesn’t know why nitahn is looking at him but he smirks down the table.

Oz is across from an older woman who’s got her eyes set on a sweet little young thing and seductivley eats a chunk of meat. Oz politely smiles and  makes small talk with Hanz.

Meanwhile Vera’s doing her best to deal with the beast herself. She explains they’ve traveled the north and when Juno asks about it’s status, she tells her about Anton Bellek and his silver mine ran by humans. Getting a steady supply of silver into the hands of humans aligned with them (or wolves in human form) could be useful. lAs well as having a vampire ally, one who killed his master. Vera expresses distaste and how she’s unable to work for him due to her code of ethics, and Juno remarks how there’s no good or evil. (Which sounds like something someone evil would say). Juno presses Vera to know what she’s after and Vera tries simpering away, to mixed sucess. Juno does allow her to back down, stating that it’s soemthing to go over at another time. She also makes a bit of small talk, asking her how far along she is. Here the mask slips when Vera does the math, and, oh fuck she’s six months along.

Juno has the cask of whiskey they brought brought out, and suggests that Wolf-Wolf take the first drink because they’re far less likely to have given him protection from poison. The poor boy doesn’t like whiskey, with Nitahn apologizing and explaing they’ve only given him beer before. Booze is offered to the two men, with none offered to Vera because Juno’s been pregnant, she’s not going to make a pregnant woman drink. She also extends an invitation to stay at the keep, which Vera says she’ll get her companion’s opinion on before accepting or denying the genrous gesture.

Deidric puts an arm around NItahn and invites him out to a hunt, with Vlad interjecting and being like ‘oh, uncle, he’s probably tired’ and getting him out of hunting what probalby would be humans. Vlad also compliments him on the fox piss cologne, they’ll be smelling it for weeks when it rains. Nitahn is less enthused about this entire thing. The three gather and talk for a quick moment, Nitahn vetoing that idea and being like ‘blame it on me, say I’m not used to being in places like this beccause I’m a traveler.’ They have a bit of banter, with Oz bringing up to Nitahn whas would happen to Vera if she’s bitten. She’s a paladin, but what about the baby? To which Vera immedently gets a sour face and is like ‘I don’t- no. You know what? You need to remind me to ask Nik what happens, becuase I’m not thinking about this. if he didn’t want to get these letters he wouldn’t have pulled me out of the canals as a child’ and explains to them that she’d been trying to swim to the tarrasque. Nitahn knows that it’s basically monster godzilla and is like ‘whyyyyy’.

They make polite exit and head back to the inn for the night, finding that Steve had gotten baked with the stable boy and probalby has punked him a few times with the horn. They go to bed, and Vera dreams. There’s a bear or maybe she’s the bear, she knows what her name used to mean. And she’s running, and there’s wolves, but is she running away from the wolves or are the wolves running from her? Then it changes and the bear is running to the wolves, rearing up on it’s hind feet and it stands tall and powerful above them.

She wakes up and is like ‘I blame you’ to her stomach before doing her usual prayers. And when she opens her eyes at the end there’s a bear there. She knows what it is and why it’s there, and all she can do is reach out and grab it’s nose and start crying.

oz hears the sound of her crying through the door and gets Nitahn, hwo opens the door to find Vera on her knees and sobbing, reaching up to cradle the bear’s head. He closes the door and asks oz ‘Was there a bear in there when you left?” to Oz’s stunned response of no. Nitahn opens the door again and is like ‘Vera, where’d that bear come from?’ and Vera responsd in high pitched sobbing. 

Eventually she calms down enough to be understood, saying ‘He’s too big to fit through the door’ “Well, how’d he get through the door?” ‘he didn’t’ “...How did he get through the window?” ‘he didn’t?’ Nitahn looks at the intact walls, ceiling, and floor, before looking back at her. “How did he get in here?”

“He’s mine. I thought if I fell any night it’d be last night, but he’s here and he’s mine.” And with that Oz can make his knowledge religion check to guess that this is Vera’s paladin mount, a magic creature gifted to her by  her goddess. And it’s a bear.

Vera is later displeased at the realiziation that the bear comes with a saddle and she’s expected to ride it.

[hypnosthemindmaster]

Converting Dani - Part 1b

"That won't be an option for you soon," TJ said as he rolled a stand up computer cart over next to her prone body.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

TJ picked up a VR headset from the cart and said, "I'm going to brainwash you to be my mindless slave, you'll have no choice but to obey me." He leaned over her to stare her in the eyes and continued, "when I'm finished with you you'll be nothing more than a robot, a drone following commands." The look of shock on Dani's face told him the realization of what he said was sinking in so he continued, "Sound familiar?"

'How'd he know?,' Dani thought as she stared up at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes," Dani said as she tried to stare him down and maintain her composure in spite of the feelings welling up in her body.

"I see," TJ said as he walked away for a moment.

'Yes, I've won,' Dani thought as she watched him walk away. She seemed confused when he came back holding a tablet tucked under his arm.

"You do realize I have the master passwords for every device in this house right?" TJ said.

A wave of fear ran through her as he pulled the tablet from under his arm and she realized he was carrying her tablet.

"Not that I needed it Ms. ABCD1234, a beginner could crack your password," he said as he unlocked the tablet. He tapped the screen a few times then turned it to face Dani.

Dani felt the life drain out of her as she stared at the screen. It was showing her journal, specifically the entry she'd titled 'My Conversion Fantasy.'

"That's right, I know your little secret. I've known it for months actually," TJ said as she stared at him in shock. "I'm going to give you your fantasy, even if I do think that fate is to good for you," TJ said as he laid the tablet aside.

Dani was to in shock to speak as TJ picked up the VR headset again and slipped it over her head, blocking out her vision for now. He pulled the two ear buds from the side of the headset and inserted them into her ears. Dani felt something being placed over her ears.

A simple spiral pattern began to appear on the screen as she heard TJ's voice in the ear buds, "Time for your programming to begin. You can close your eyes if you want to, it won't help though as I've ductaped the ear buds in your ears so you'll get the audio either way. It'll actually make it more entertaining for me to watch later if you struggle and resist."

'Watch later?' Dani wondered as the pattern came more into focus.

"I forgot to tell you, I'm recording this since I won't be here to watch your conversion. I'm off to make your disappearance complete. I found a woman who looks a lot like you. She's going to take your license and passport and board train to Mexico. She's going to jump off the train in the mountains and double back here, destroying your identification after she leaves the train and thus destroying any evidence of you. Since you said you were taking nothing with you in your letter there will be no trail for people to follow if anyone decides to look for you. Since you had no family and your only friends were Dad's friends, it's doubtful anyone would go looking for you anyway. So enjoy your fantasy come true, see you in a few hours."

When he finished speaking, TJ's voice was replaced by a soft female voice reciting a slow hypnotic induction.

Dani resisted for a while but the endless onslaught of the repeating induction in her ears, along with her own body's betrail as it became more and more aroused by her fantasy broke her will and she felt herself slowly giving in to the words resonating in her ears. Finally as the induction once again told her to "sleep" everything went dark for Dani as she closed her eyes and surrendered to her fate.

It was early the next morning when TJ finally returned, he'd been gone for almost 12 hours. "Time to go check on my project," he said as he got out of his car and headed into the house. He was glad to see his Dad's car was gone when he got home. He made his way back to the basement and checked the computer connected to the headset, he liked the readings he saw. Dani had resisted for almost 3 hours before it registered her eyes closing at the sleep command and had switched over to the programming part of the file. He couldn't believe she'd resisted this kind of brute force attack on her mind for that long. She'd been kept in trance ever since, the conversion program repeating and reinforcing itself multiple times over the last few hours. He entered the password to complete the program, then stood back to wait. A few minutes later a program complete message appeared on the screen and the lights on the headset went out. A second notification appeared on the screen:

Unit D34C is fully programmed and currently powered down. To activate unit, say the command "D34C Power on." To put the unit back in storage issue the command "D34C Power Down." Enjoy your new Fembot unit.

TJ removed the tape and ear buds from her years and tucked them back into the headset, the carefully removed the headset and set it aside. He took a step back and admired her body as she laid there. He found himself noticing that she really was quite beautiful, and thinking that if they'd met under different circumstances he probably would have asked her for a date. "No time to dwell on what might have been, what's done is done," He said as he shook himself out of that train of thought. "D34C Power On."

He watched with fascination as her eyelids fluttered, opening as she spoke in a monotone voice, "Unit activated, commencing start up diagnostics." She blinked her eyes a few times and said, "Optic Sensors activated and functioning normally. Auditory sensors activated and functioning properly." She turned her head back and forth a few times before tugging at the restraints holding her to the table several times. "Neck motor functions active and working properly, all other motor systems impaired. Unit is fully activated but will have limited usefulness with malfunctioning motor control systems."

"Who are you?"

"I am not a who, who refers to a human being."

"What are you?"

"I am female cybernetic unit, built from the Dani template."

"Do you have a name?"

"Cybernetic units do not have names, we have designations."

"What is your designation?"

"My designation is D34C."

"What are you programmed to do?"

"I am a servant and human companionship unit. I am programmed to perform all nature of household tasks as well as all aspects of relationship tasks my owner might require of me to perform."

"Does that involve intimate relationship tasks?"

"Processing............An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical and/or emotional intimacy. Physical intimacy is characterized by friendship, platonic love, romantic love or sexual activity. Yes I am programmed to approximate friendship, platonic love and romantic love. I have been constructed with anatomically accurate features and I am also programmed for all forms of sexual activity a human female would be capable of performing."

Hearing her talk like this was exciting for TJ.

"Do you require sexual tasks from this unit?"

"Not at the moment. Do you contain a human personality program if I need to conceal that you are a robot?"

"Affirmative, I contain an imprint of the memory files and personality program of the original Dani template I was constructed from."

"What happened to the original Dani template?"

"Processing..........She was destroyed. I am all that is left."

'I wasn't expecting that response,' TJ thought as he stared down at her. "How do I access your human personality program?"

"Processing..........the command to access the human personality program is 'Activate Dani program'. To turn it off the program the command is 'Deactivate Dani program.' Do you wish to activate the Dani program?"

"Not yet, are you able to access the Dani program memory files without activating the Dani program?"

"Affirmative."

"Is the Dani program aware that it is a robot?"

"Affirmative."

"Activate Dani program."

"Activating Dani program....processing......."

TJ stood back and watched as D34C closed its eyes, they fluttered a few times then reopened.

[sanguinesprout]

Thunderstorms and rainbows all around! (Job things, update blah, perfectionism sucks and what even is communication)

Pheeeew! The past month has been a lot more busy and stressful but I’m finally kinda getting myself closer to getting a job! So I actually managed to apply to 6 jobs so far! Six! I mean, to most people that’s probably nothing, but that’s a lot for me that would normally only apply to like... 1 or probably nothing lol @w@” So yay and keep going me! ^^ I’m really thankful to my sis for encouraging me, even though she loses her patience sometimes, but I really am such a weenie baby x.x

1 job rejected my application, 2 jobs I didn’t hear from, 1 I only just applied to (which is actually the same as the very 1st one I applied to last time, hah!) and 2 I did hear from. Those two are ones set by recruitment agencies and are warehouse/factory type jobs where they hire in bulk. They both don’t have any formal interviews or anything like that but they had this registration form filling kind of appointment. I mean, it wasn’t retail like I was aiming for, but maybe this would actually suit me better maybe? Baby steps!

I decided not to do one of the two that I heard from (a warehouse one) because it was too far away and also it sounded too physically demanding for me. The second (factory) I’ve been debating whether to go through with or not for like two weeks since I’ve been accepted because my health problems may make it unsuitable for me, but there’s gonna be an induction day sometime soon hopefully and maybe I can make a good decision then. Travel to the second job is much less a hassle than the one I rejected too, here’s hoping it’ll be okay! And if I never try I won’t know!

The one I applied for today... it’s retail just like the others I unsuccessfully applied for, I wonder if I’ll be successful this time, who knows! I feel it’d be a much better way to grow and learn to face people even better and would definitely be much more varied than the factory job which is just robot-like repetitiveness but that may be more comfortable in regards to predictability. Either way I’m gonna have to start talking to at least co-workers and stuff, ahhh I’m nervous, but I need to get outta my comfort zone! Onwards!

Until then, gotta keep applying and trying, maybe neither of these will be suitable or possible, or maybe I’ll find something even more awesome! It’s both really scary and kinda exciting. I want to finally show some independence, that I’m capable of working and talking to people and most of all help my family some, because right now and well, for ages we have been struggling and there’s alotta stressful stuff happening for them >< C’mon, I can do it!!

In general other stuff, I am almost at the end of my online course thing!! I wouldn’t have expected to get here but it’s all because of my sis helping me out a lot ;w; I can’t help but feel I’m being bad ahhh like I’m a super law abiding kind of person, I feel like I’m cheating! But then again the course material is impossible to complete with only my noob knowledge, it was false advertising! W/e when the course is done I hope I never have to do another like that again!

Uhhh anyways, besides that ball of stress I actually managed to do some more baking with my sis and sewing and it was all kinda last minute stuff, which usually freaks me out! I mean, I kinda got moody and needed some persuading by my sis but I did it!! :D I went shopping a bunch and didn’t feel too anxious except for that ‘oh no, I didn’t buy anything, now the shop people will think I’m stealing’ kind of paranoia... I’m slowly kinda getting over it, it’s just having that open shopping bag clunking around on my shoulder with stuff from a previous shop makes me extra nervous around staff OTL. It’s okay, think more rationally! There’s nothing wrong with not buying anything! Plenty of people do this and are fine!

There were also some important family days, but Idk why... I was really irritable and moody and messed one of them up and had a massive falling out with my sis. She said a lot of harsh things and I was being kind of cold and unresponsive but also critical, there was crying and anger on both sides. I guess my depressive feelings just got too deep and I was getting to cooped up and stressed in my head to be able to think or do anything else... I had been feeling even more low those few days, it was my fault. It’s just so difficult to control sometimes, but I gotta keep trying to stay out of my head, quit overthinking and falling into the negative and keep it that way some more.

Anyways, we managed to reconcile some while later and everything and the rest of the days were good! I bonded with my family with a game of charades, which they were reluctant to play at first, but warmed to it and smiled and laughed a lot! The things I baked and sewed were for them and it made them happy too! It was nice, I was happy too, I hope there will be more times like this more often! c:

In regards to blog stuff and art stuff, it really hasn’t gone anywhere yet still. I’m hoping that when I get the job thing sorted, maybe I will feel less guilty about doing things like that which I consider as leisure stuff. But is this unreasonable? I don’t want to keep pushing it back and delaying it but I just feel too overwhelmed, it’s like I can only focus on one thing at once, but I know I am capable of doing more..! I just need to push myself!

I also keep being too much of a perfectionist, it was even a big part of the reason I had a falling out with my sis :c I’m so critical of myself all the time and others sometimes, it’s just so frustrating and incomprehensible. I’m so scared of doing things wrong or imperfect, it’s definitely unreasonable and unrealistic of me to keep thinking this way ;^; It’s so hard to just ignore these feelings. It’s really hard to get me to do something in the first place, I’m just giving myself unnecessary grief. 

Failing and flaws are part of learning, I’m setting myself too high expectations, I need to not be so hard on myself. What I’m doing is just fine, as long as I keep going, I’ll keep improving! If something doesn’t go so well this time, then I’ll just do it again next time but better! I’ll try to keep these in mind more!

I haven’t really been interacting with anyone or commenting at all in general other internet-ness which is well, not so good. I hope I can become comfortable enough to do things like commenting and following people and posting soon! Hoping probably isn’t good enough though, it’s all about foregoing the comfort zone again and just doing! I’m too ashamed of myself ahh

Oh! To the lovely person that liked and left a small but kind comment on my last post, even though you probably won’t see this, I want to say thank you!! When I did see it later on, it really made me smile! <3 

I guess this must be how people feel when I gave them comments in the past, it really is motivating! Giving someone a smile is definitely much better than giving in to fear!

I feel really bad because this one online friend that popped up since last time, I made sure not to just ignore them but I’ve kinda been less responsive to them... in the hope they message less frequently at least... gah! Idk... I feel kinda uncomfortable that they tried to speak to me everyday, like I had nothing new to say to them and it made me feel even more anxious. Even more so when they tried to compliment and get closer to me... ack! *sirens blaring*

Though I have had a lot on my plate to do and think about lately and I’ve told them this many times and I have been polite and friendly to them... I’m just scared I’ll come off to them as a jerk but I just kind of want some space and it really just ahhhh idk how to respond? My own awkwardness and inability to just communicate without freaking out is killing me..! Am I being unreasonable here?? T^T;;; OTL OTL OTL

Hm, I think that’s enough of my derpy flailing for today, I’ll stop here but Imma keep goin irl! Yeah, do the stuff!! Go go go! 

After a thunderstorm a rainbow can appear, and one really did the other day!

May everyone see rainbows after their thunderstorms too! Good things can follow times of struggle or great effort!

Let’s go be productive and be good to ourselves! 

Have a great week! ^^

[halekingsourwolf]

Inspired by today’s eclipse and for @sterekwritingroom‘s flash event.

–––––––

The first group of weres pass through Beacon Hills on a Thursday. Stiles probably wouldn’t notice except that he’s spent the past year and a half hanging out almost exclusively with supernatural beings and that… well, ok, these guys aren’t exactly subtle. They tilt their heads almost in sync as he passes by them –– heading in to pay cash at the gas station while they pile back into their packed SUV. Noses flare, stances shift, and Stiles has about point five seconds to plan a bolt back to the Jeep before one of them’s announcing “Don’t trouble your Alpha; we’re just passing north for the event.” And then they’re back in the SUV and gone.

So… yeah, not to diminish Stiles’ awesome deductive skills here but… not subtle.

The second sighting happens before school on Friday, when Stiles ducks into the Dunkin’ Donuts for some much needed coffee and practically trips over a trio of sugar-high toddlers. One of them, wearing what looks like a home-painted t-shirt, decorated with a slightly uneven yellow circle, is midway through whining “Momma, we’re gonna miss the––“ when she stops in her tracks to stare up at him.

Stiles blinks down at her, the door perched against his elbow.

“Say ‘scuse me,” the boy next to her murmurs. It’s too early for this, brain crawling the sludge-slow of non-coffee through his system, and Stiles isn’t sure which of them he’s talking to.

“Excuse me,” he says and all three immediately shuffle, staring wide enough it makes Stiles’ eyes ache for them. He starts past, scrubbing a hand across his jaw self-consciously, wondering if he’d missed sleep drool or a sock in his hair or something on his mad rush out the door but, two steps past, the youngest kid snuffles and speaks up, soft: “Are you gonna come see the moon with us?”

It takes another step for Stiles to register that she’s talking to him, but by the time he blinks back the boy’s already tutting at her.

“No Lucy. He’ll go with his own pack.”

The little girl’s mouth opens in a wide, understanding O, while her older sister tugs proudly on her yellow circle shirt. It’s painted a messy black in the middle, inside the bright golden edge, and Stiles kind of forgets coffee for a minute in the face of actual werewolf children and then there’s a woman stepping up behind them, coffee and a box of munchkins in hand, dropping a fond hand to ruffle the boy’s hair as she gives Stiles an apologetic smile.

“Sorry about that, they’ve never been through another pack’s territory before. We’ve been driving since Arizona –– long trip for the little ones. But I couldn’t miss the chance for them to experience this. Best sighting until totality in 2017!”

“I’ll be ten,” says the boy, in the tone of one who’s done the math very carefully a dozen times over.

Stiles nods, a little lost because werewolf toddlers, and manages “well that’s… good.”

“I’m two,” the youngest puts in proudly, vaguely missing the thread of the conversation but eager to take part, and Stiles smiles back, wishing he had a little more coffee in his system because it’s not like he’s oblivious about what’s going on in the world this weekend, but he’s starting to feel a little dense for not connecting all kinds of dots sooner.

Then again, there’s another person who probably could’ve connected them for him.

“They don’t know how lucky they are,” the woman adds, beaming down. “I had to wait years for my first one and I’ll never forget the experience. Of course, you won’t feel it the same way as us,” her tone going apologetic, “but I’m sure your pack can’t wait to take part.”

And then she’s ushering the kids out the door with promises of donuts in the car, and Stiles is tugging out his phone, pulling up Derek Hale’s number.

READ MORE

.-

“Why didn’t you mention that the eclipse is a thing for you guys?”

Derek gives him a look from where he stands against the loft’s windows, like he’d been expecting the question and isn’t entirely sure why he hadn’t backflipped twelve floors to the street to avoid it.

Whatever, serves him right for not answering the string of texts Stiles had sent throughout the day. And, speaking of:

“Your phone broken, dude? I know you’re not big with the words in general, but you know how texting works.” He knows from months of slowly breaking Derek into it, from grudging messages about research last summer to the scattered casual texts during his trip through South America with Cora, into the more regular conversations during his second vacation before he’d come back to Beacon Hills permanently a month back. Stiles still has a hard time accepting the fact that Derek’s back with them sometimes –– after two months lost to Kate’s capture, the short intense chaos of the Benefactor, and Derek’s three month trip to clear his head after his “evolution” Stiles had started wondering if he’d ever see the guy settled back here again.

It had kind of thrown him, how much he’d thought about it. How natural it feels to show up at the loft now, dropping his backpack next to the couch, keys on the table, filling up the space like he belongs there.

Or like he wants to make sure he’s got a foothold in it, in case it ever decides to go drifting again.

But point is, he knows Derek knows how to text. Which makes the pointed silence answering Stiles’ dozen texts for the past eight hours particularly unsettling.

“It’s the whole country’s thing,” Derek says finally, unhelpfully. “Haven’t you been watching the news?”

Which, yes, Stiles has. The world’s been pretty caught up in solar eclipse frenzy for the past couple weeks, broadcasting best viewing spots, promoting safe viewing tips, advertising eclipse viewing glasses at your local retailer for thirty bucks a pop. May 20th, 2012 will be the first solar eclipse viewable in the US since 1994 and the country’s acting like it’s the kick-off to a new millennium or something.

Which is so far beside the point.

“Yeah, but weres are the only ones who can feel it.” Stiles is aiming an unimpressed look at Derek, which is why he’s able to catch the flinch when it happens. It’s small, just a quick bite of jaw and taut shoulders before smoothing out again. It makes Stiles pause, rethink things for a beat because maybe the whole ‘feel the eclipse’ thing isn’t actually a positive experience… but Stiles kind of doubts a mom would drag her kids up from Arizona to Northern California to experience something anywhere less than awesome. Besides, Stiles has been thinking about this all day, and he’s got a feeling that––

“It… makes you stronger, right? I mean, a lunar eclipse makes you guys weak so a solar eclipse is like a power boost?”

Maybe that’s why Derek’s trying to avoid thinking about it. With the kind of luck he has and the amount of shit he’s gone through, he might not love the idea of hanging around a bunch of super-powered weres, even if he’d get a boost from the moon too. Guy’s lived the kind of life that has you looking for threats while other people paint eclipse t-shirts with their toddlers, and that thought’s kind of enough to punch an empathetic ache directly through Stiles’ chest.

But Derek’s sighing, rolling out his shoulders and aiming a tired look at the horizon.

“Not… exactly.” And then silence again. Stiles bites his tongue over the urge to question, shoving his hands in his pockets and pacing closer instead. A year ago he’d be demanding answers, spouting his own theories impatiently while he waited. Now he knows Derek well enough to see the effort it’s taking to dredge his own words up. “It’s… we don’t get stronger, really, but… our bond with our wolf does. The lunar eclipse is less about physical weakness and more about that bond weakening. We can’t call on our wolf to give us strength, to help us heal, that bond’s weakened and that part of us is… lost for the duration. The solar eclipse is the opposite. It’s supposed to leave us pure and connected, make us… whole in a way we only ever skim close to.” He shrugs, like he’s at a loss for how else to describe it. He hasn’t looked toward Stiles yet; his tone and profile are carefully unreadable. “Werewolves spend years planning for solar eclipses.”

There’s something missing from the story, some obvious puzzle piece Derek’s hiding in his lightly curled fist because “Dude,” the word falls out awed and follows up with a smack to Derek’s elbow. “Exactly no part of that sounds not awesome. Why didn’t we know about this, we’re like an hour and a half south of the main path.”

He ignores the too-slow look Derek aims down to the point of contact, his phone out and road trip Sunday sent off to Scott before he turns his focus back to the man in front of him.

“Seriously though, I know you and Deaton like giving each other a run for your money on the vague with the vital info department but a heads up could’ve been cool. I had to learn about all this from a trio of hyped up toddlers.”

“Toddlers?” Finally Derek reacts, just a little, a pique of interest pushing past the outdated gruffness.

“Werewolf toddlers,” Stiles agrees, lips twitching faintly. “Super cute. I think they wanted to induct me into their pack.”

“They’d throw you back once they got to know you.”

“Hey!” A rush of mock outrage and flailing limbs. “I’ll have you know I’m awesome with kids.”

“They finally found someone on their level?” Derek shoots back, and some of that indecipherable tension has eased out of his shoulders. Stiles smirks at him for a beat while Derek’s eyes glint, teasing, back. Then they drop and, through the room’s easy silence:

“We were all going to see this one together.” The puzzle piece slots a heartbeat before Derek says it. “My family… even a decade back we were talking about it. Peter flew to South Africa to experience a total eclipse in 2002 and acted like it changed his life. We were all…” He smiles, faint and self-deprecating. “so jealous. So my parents sat us down to plan out a trip for the next local one. Ten years away.” His shoulders roll, the shrug deceptively easy. “It felt so long then.”

Stiles hasn’t moved, hasn’t breathed, since the word family hit air. He recognizes the pain in Derek’s voice, the too light shrugs to mask the weight of old losses. Disrupted plans, shattered dreams. The minefield of everyday life, where mundane tasks turn into minefields and celebrations dig up long-buried tragedies. How it almost feels safer to hide your head in the sand until they sweep past you.

The air feels thick when Stiles finally drags in breath, lips parched as he clumsily wets over them.

“We’re heading out at twelve on Sunday,” he says, and waits until Derek’s eyes flit over to him to add. “I’ll pick you up then.”

.-

Stiles almost expects the loft to be empty when he pulls up on Sunday. It’ll make for a long ride that way –– Scott having decided to drive with Kira who decided to drive with Lydia. They’d asked him to come along in her car but Stiles had vetoed on the grounds of not letting his Jeep miss this rare celestial event. And when Derek elbows off the wall of the building, hands shoved deep into the pockets of the old leather jacket wrapped around his shoulders like a security blanket, Stiles knows he’d made the right call.

Derek slides in next to him, aiming a look that’s too knowing and too grateful toward the empty back seat. Stiles bites down on a smile, a flush of warmth spreading up from his chest toward the back of his neck as he steers them out of the lot.

“So, ready to howl at the moon and feel whole, sourwolf?”

There’s a huffed breath –– amusement, anticipation, nerves.

“Guess we’ll see.”

The eclipse is waiting.

They head north.

[marnathas]

Hypno-rust

Alright, so here's something I want to talk about. Rust. Hypno-rust. No, this isn't some weird metalworking suggestion. We get out of practice, we forget things, we get rusty at all the skills involved at this. That thing. So I figure I'll ramble a bit on why I'm thinking about this (bit of my own circumstances right now, and then what I've been hearing from others), and then muse on ways of avoiding it or alleviating it. Oh, I'm also talking mostly from the hypnotist point-of-view here, because that's what I'm experiencing. I'm certain it applies to the subject side too, I just haven't talked to anyone about that in at least a long while so I can't say too much specific there. I’d love to hear about that though.

So let's get going. so to some extent I'm worried I'm getting rusty as hell. How come? Well, simple. It has been quite a while since I've really done any actual hypnosis. Sure I've messed around a little with someone, but they were so suggestible that in this context it really doesn't count (if you can trance someone by just saying "drop", you aren't exactly getting much practice out of it). So in practical, not getting rusty/practicing skills and stuff, it's been two months since I last did anything (a single in and out trance that ended up being a one-off), three months since I had someone to play around with, and probably a bit longer since I was really able to try new stuff and properly practice new things (complicated, they were always uncomfortable when I brought up trying new things to practice and get better at myself).

And as a natural result, I'm sitting here thinking that when I do get a chance to do this stuff again, I'm going to be rusty as all hell with it. I mean, I don't forget the theory, or how to do the inductions that I have properly down, but the stuff I was trying to practice and improve on (cadence, pacing, being a bit more creative/conversational) is probably going to revert back somewhat, and that's a bit frustrating. Also doesn't help that I'm pretty driven at trying to get better and learn more, and I simply can't from lack of people to practice with. ...Ok, yes I could just ask people I know, or likely get someone if I make it known I'm after people to just practice with, but I'm not just after that, so it complicates things. Well, whatever, that's me out of the way.

This all sort of connected in my head because recently I've seen/heard a lot of other people talking about similar stuff, more in terms of getting lazy though. Easy example, you trance someone for the first time, set up a re-induction trigger, and just use that because it's way quicker, easier and has lower chance of failure than doing inductions repeatedly. Or eventually they start dropping so easily that you don't need to do a proper induction anymore. And sometime down the track you realise "Shit, I haven't done an induction in forever. o.o" and bam we come back to the rust thing. And let's be real, this is a super easy trap to fall in to, we've all done it to some extent probably, and also triggers are pretty fun and hot too sooooo, yeah.

But alright, how can we avoid this, and not get lazy and rusty and all that jazz? I mean, in my own personal case it's just a matter of get someone to zonk, so skip that and talk more in general. When it comes to the laziness bit, I've got a few ideas/approaches to it, most of which focus on the fact that it's just a mental thing. For instance, an easy way is just find new inductions to try out and play around with, or be creative and come up with something. In order to learn them, and be able to do them, you have to practice with them and do them properly, so by necessity you can't be lazy about them (and if you are, you won't know how well you actually know it, or how well it works). Maybe this is a personal thing, but I find that's the easiest way to avoid the lazy trap, because I'm always trying to broaden my skillset and improve. You never know when your bog-standard go-to induction will fail and you need something else, and what skills that something else might require you to have until you do it and find out.

Similar to that, be fucking creative. Take the boring induction you've done a million times, and try something different with it, or make challenges for yourself to force that. Have you done a 7+-2 a million times before? Cool, try mixing it with a conversational induction, see if you can make it subtle rather than a blunt hammer. Subject goes down really easily? Ok, tell them to try and resist for a minute, and see if you can still get them down. As a bonus, when you do something like that, and it works, it feels really rewarding. Because you've just pushed yourself, and forced yourself to use all your knowledge and skill and apply them, and knowing you can do that and succeed is awesome. You get something out of it yourself.

And now let's go in a slightly different direction, and let everyone in on an open secret. Subjects tend to really really like inductions. And so do we as hypnotists usually. Inductions are fucking hot. And most subjects love getting a full induction and the feelings from it, as opposed to just a trigger (of course, they also tend to love that too, but yeah). And if you ask, a lot of them will flat out say they want to have it drawn out and done properly every once in a while, at the very least. And it's also for them, knowing that you're putting the time and effort in to get in their head and seduce them a bit. Hell, I've one close friend who, when she thinks her dom is being lazy, will basically tell him "Nope, put some effort into it" and not go into trance (knowing who it is makes this hilarious for me btw :P). It's not only just for you, it's for them as well.

Resistance play is also a thing, to bring it up. Everything's too easy? Get them to resist being put under as hard as they can, and then try. Even if they're normally easy to put under, or pretty conditioned, they can put up one hell of a fight if they set out to. And I'm totally in the camp of that is fun as hell (yes, I am a brat-lover for the record, maybe it's correlated). I don't know about the rest of you, but chipping away at someone's resistance and tempting them to give in and melt and drop and drift is so so fun.

And that's the end of my current thoughts about all of this. Hopefully it gives some ideas, or helps people, or is just an interesting read.

[tgcnews]

Benjamin Farahmand Inducted Into TGC Hall of Fame

Benjamin was inducted into The Game Crafter Hall of Fame because his game, FAZA, won the Big Box Challenge. Congratulations Benjamin! His designer interview is below.

Tell us about yourself and how long you've been designing games.

My wife and I live in a small town near Philadelphia, called Media. I’ve been designing digital learning experiences for the past 8 years, started designing board games in the last 2 years, and have been playing board games and video games since I was young child. 

In the past few years, I started designing board games because I was looking for a new challenge, which would get me away from looking at my computer screen  and pull me out of the house to meet new people. Professionally, I work as a product manager and user experience designer for an education company called Tuva. As a means to building critical thinking and analytical skills for K-12 students, we create digital learning tools and curriculum content focused on data literacy and statistics. I also have a background in aerospace engineering, philosophy, and industrial design, which essentially means I love to design and make things, whether it’s physical or digital.

Please tell us about FAZA.

FAZA is a cooperative science fiction board game for 2-4 players, making their last stand to save humanity. In order to win the game, the players need to destroy the FAZA’s three motherships.

There are eight character roles, each possessing different skills within one of four areas of focus: tactical, medical, technological, and political. Players will utilize the unique skills of each member to fight for final victory over the alien Faza. As players move across the board, they will be combating enemy drones and recruiting Rebel Faza to attack each mothership. Naturally, over the course of the game, the Faza will fight back: dropping off more troops in attempts to overwhelm, transforming the entire city to only be habitable to their kind, killing off the traitorous Rebel Faza to prevent players from attacking their motherships, and of course trying to kill each player.

Where did the idea for this game come from?

The inception for working on FAZA developed from two major frustrations. The first frustration is that many existing cooperative games feel too much like a puzzle, eventually making subsequent playthroughs not as interesting once the optimal strategy is discovered.

The second frustration that motivated me to start working on a cooperative game was my one issue with competitive games. I’m referring to the kinds of competitive board games that leave players so far behind that the game becomes boring. Players in last place are essentially waiting for the game to end and it’s no longer fun. 

With that in mind, I started with game mechanics I enjoyed from other board games and used them as a jumping off point for FAZA. The metaphor and story for FAZA stems from my love of science fiction, and began to emerge immediately after I picked a few game mechanics I wanted to test. The story and game mechanics then began to evolve together and inform one another.

What makes this game special/unique?

Multiple ideas and mechanics when brought together make FAZA special and unique. The variety and diversity of characters represented in the game makes for the empowerment of different ethnicities, ages, sexes, and species. 

The player’s all share a communal turn, which means actions can be used in any order that is advantageous to the group’s strategy. As a result of the communal turn, the game facilitates strategic group discussions, creating the feeling that everyone is a tactician preparing for skirmishes and war.

The algorithm that defines how the FAZA motherships move across the board creates a challenging game where the enemy dynamically adapts to the actions players take against them. As the FAZA retaliate, players will feel overwhelmed as if all hope is lost, but by working together they can overcome the challenges ahead. 

Finally, there’s a high degree of replayability, which stems from the number of characters players can choose from, the board that is setup differently every game, and the way the motherships adapt to player actions.

Did you create a design journal for your game? If so, did you publish it somewhere we can link to?

My notes for designing FAZA are strewn across my computer and notebook, which I take with me to playtest sessions to write down observations and feedback. I’ve also written a long blog post highlighting my major take-aways throughout the game design process (http://www.thefaza.com/designing-for-fun/). I hope the post will be helpful to other game designers.

Did you already have the idea for FAZA in your head before the Big Box Challenge was announced?

Yes, I had been working on various iterations of FAZA for about a year prior to the Big Box Challenge. Progress was slow since making time to work on it while balancing other parts of my life was challenging.

What made you decide to enter your game into the contest?

I wanted a deadline that was just far enough to light the fire and motivate me to refine and polish FAZA.

Would you have been motivated to work on the game as much as you did without the contest?

I definitely would have continued refining FAZA without the Big Box Challenge, but it would have taken me far longer if I were not motivated by the deadline of the competition.

Has winning inspired you to enter more contests or design more games?

I have several more ideas for games and hope to enter future competitions, but for the time being my focus is on marketing FAZA and giving it the best chance for it to succeed. I am also currently looking for other contests to enter FAZA so I can build greater awareness for the game.

Could you describe any influence The Game Crafter has had on your success as a game designer?

Creating a polished prototype goes a long way in communicating the experience you’re designing for people, which in turn influences the critical feedback you’re going to receive. A polished prototype also helps in gathering people’s attention as they’re walking by your demo table at a convention. The Game Crafter has been essential for giving a physical form to my ideas and creating an avenue for progression of the game mechanics.

What’s next for you?

If I’m able to find enough early interest in FAZA, my current plan is to kickstart FAZA in 2018. After that, if FAZA funds successfully, I’d like to continue exploring the FAZA storyline and release some of the expansion ideas I’ve been working on.

Any last words of encouragement or advice to all of the designers reading this?

Playtesting is the most important aspect of the design process and it’s also the most time intensive. To speed up that process, I highly recommend finding a local board game design group. In Philly, there’s the Game Makers Guild of Philadelphia. We’re game designers who get together twice a month to playtest each others board games and give each other feedback. 

If it were not for the continued playtesting and feedback from friends, family, and the Game Makers Guild of Philadelphia, I don’t think I would have been able to polish the game mechanics in a timely fashion.

After playtesting, persistence is paramount. Working through the challenges and problems uncovered through feedback takes time, dedication, and a patient and loving partner. Speaking of partners, marry one that’ll review and edit your rulebook. But in all seriousness, it’s vital to the success of your game to have a clear rulebook. So if your spouse won’t edit your rulebook or if you don’t have one, find a spouse that will or invest the money and have a professional editor revise your rules. ;)

[sweetseda]

8 Canning Tips and Tricks for Modern-Day Home Canning | Garden Betty

At some point in your homemaking journey — whether you’re a cook, gardener, or full-blown homesteader — you’ve probably learned how to preserve food. And for many people, boiling water bath canning is the gateway to all other food preserving.

Though it requires more gear in the kitchen than, say, mason jar fermenting or oven dehydrating, there’s something about canning a batch of tomatoes, jams, or pickles that’s deeply satisfying.

Maybe it speaks to our off-grid fantasies of being a self-sufficient mountain mama (or mountain man). Maybe it’s because the distinctive pop of the lids brings a sense of accomplishment and joy, or the fact that we end up giving some of those jars away as gifts that brings even greater joy.

I learned how to preserve food just a couple months into tending an edible garden (before I learned how much I actually needed to grow to feed my family). That first summer, I canned 24 jars of tomatoes and 40 jars of jams and jellies. (These feijoa-white peach preserves were one of my first batches in the kitchen, and the first canning recipe I ever posted on my blog. Wild, eh?)

Almost a decade later, I’ve learned some useful tips and tricks for modern-day home canning, and even picked up a few time-saving habits as an ambassador for Ball Canning, America’s favorite mason jars.

Learn from these little nuggets of information I’ve gleaned from their test kitchen, as well as from my own experiences (hundreds of jars later!).

1. You don’t need to warm your lids ahead of time.

I first heard this from the Ball Canning test kitchen a few years ago, and I was floored.

I’ve come across countless canning recipes that tell you to preheat the lids in simmering water before using (to soften the sealing compound for better adhesion), and even Ball’s previous product packaging and older editions of their canning book have recommended preheating lids.

However — straight from the source — this is no longer necessary for Ball or Kerr brand lids.

After comprehensive testing by our Quality Assurance Team, it was determined that it is completely safe to skip pre-warming lids in the canning process. While it is still safe to simmer your lids before use, you should never boil them. Our recommendation (for over 40 years) has always been to simmer (180°F) – but not boil (212°F) – the lids.

So, as far as lid prep goes, all that’s needed is a soapy wash in warm water. Done!

2. You don’t need to sterilize canning jars that will process for 10 minutes or more.

Again, mind blown when I learned this.

Many recipes call for jars to be sterilized before canning, a slightly annoying step that involves either submerging the jars in boiling water for 10 minutes (at altitudes of less than 1,000 feet) or remembering to sanitize them in the dishwasher right before you start.

But, good news! According to the National Center for Home Food Preservation, the go-to authority for all things canning, you do not need to sterilize jars if your processing time is 10 minutes or longer (at or below 1,000 feet elevation).

When the process time for canning a food is 10 minutes or more (at 0-1,000 feet elevation), the jars will be sterilized DURING processing in the canner. Therefore, when process times are 10 minutes or more at this altitude, pre-sterilization of jars is not needed. It doesn’t hurt your product to do it anyway, but it does require additional time and energy and is unnecessary.

Many canning recipes, with the exception of certain jams and jellies, already require at least 10 minutes in a boiling water bath, so there’s no need to sterilize these jars ahead of time.

For jellies that call for 5 minutes of processing time, there’s usually no harm in increasing that time to 10 minutes so you can skip the sterilization.

Note that the 10-minute rule applies to those living at or near sea level, so you will need to adjust that time accordingly if you live above 1,000 feet, per HFP.

If you are processing above 1,000 feet elevation, then you need to consider the altitude adjustments needed to sterilize jars so you use the equivalent to 10 minutes of boiling at 0-1,000 feet elevation.

Note that sterilizing is not the same as cleaning — you should always wash your jars thoroughly in soapy water before using. This was a fact that Ball emphasized when I toured their factory in Indiana, as the jars are made in an industrial environment that produces dust and other manufacturing residue.

3. Frozen fruits make excellent jams and preserves.

In the summer, there’s often a lot of pressure that comes with preserving large amounts of fresh, ripe fruits from your garden, especially if you think preserving always means canning “in season” and right now.

But here’s a secret: You can make delicious jams and preserves with frozen fruit, and no one will be the wiser!

Realizing this simple fact has since saved me from stressing over abundant harvests that I couldn’t keep up with in the kitchen. If I knew there was no way I’d be able to preserve my bounty of fruits within the week (including tomatoes, if their intended final use will be for tomato sauce), I spread them out across a baking sheet and put them in the freezer for a couple hours. (Doing this first keeps the fruits from clumping together in a bag.)

Once they’re solid, I collect them into freezer bags and come back to them when life is a little less chaotic and the weather turns cooler.

Another tip: You can make jam with store-bought frozen fruit as well! So if you’re craving homemade blueberry jam in the middle of winter, this is a great way to go.

4. Chopsticks make great bubbling tools.

Bubbling refers to releasing trapped air bubbles in a jar before sealing it with a lid and band. It’s an important step in boiling water bath canning, as not removing air bubbles can lead to seal failures.

You can bubble your jars with any narrow utensil, and in my canning recipes, I often recommend using a chopstick because it’s the perfect profile and material for the job: long, thin, and usually wood or plastic.

However, I’ve had readers in the past ask for alternatives because they didn’t have chopsticks, and in a pinch, I suggested a butter knife could work if they were very careful using it.

Knives and other metal utensils aren’t ideal because they could potentially etch the glass or cause hairline cracks, thus increasing the chances of jar breakage during processing.

I love the official “bubble freer” that Ball makes specifically for this task, plus it doubles as a handy tool for measuring headspace. (You can see it in action in this recipe.)

But, if you don’t want to buy another kitchen utensil, look in your junk drawer. Are there any disposable chopsticks lingering in there from your last Chinese takeout?

These wooden chopsticks are typically too flimsy for everyday meals and tend to gather dust in the back of my drawer, but they make great bubbling tools. Rather than throwing them out the next time you end up with a few pairs, set them aside for canning purposes.

5. An electric water bath canner can save space in the kitchen and save your glass cooktop, too.

Canning sessions at home used to mean taking over the kitchen for a whole afternoon, so no one else could be in there at the same time as me.

The kitchen counter would be crowded with jars and flavorings, dirty measuring cups and bowls would clutter the sink, and a behemoth of a canning pot would take up the entire stove, even though it only used one burner.

I never liked how the boiling water bath would steam up the kitchen on the hottest of days, and sometimes for multiple days if I had a lot of canning to do.

Then I discovered this electric water bath canner (while shooting a recipe demo in the Ball test kitchen) and it has changed my entire canning process for the better!

Now, I can move the cumbersome part of canning (the boiling water bath) to the dining table or even outside on the patio, as long as I can reach an outlet. It’s freed up space in my kitchen so my husband can get in there and fix a snack without feeling like he’s in my way, and it lets me relax a little, as I don’t have to rush to clear the stove in time for dinner-making.

Let me tell you that canning outdoors is so much more enjoyable on those beautiful summer days when you can take in some fresh air and sunshine and not feel stuck inside, hovering over your stove.

My electric water bath canner also functions as a massive pot for making soup stock (again, so helpful if you can move what’s sometimes an all-day endeavor away from the kitchen) and keeping party-sized beverages, such as mulled cider, nice and hot.

There’s a spigot on the side for dispensing liquid, which also means you don’t need to lift a heavy pot full of water to empty it.

An electric water bath canner is a great solution if you have a smooth (glass or ceramic) cooktop where you’re worried about scratching the surface, or the manufacturer advises against placing a canning pot on it.

As an alternative — especially if you like the idea of canning outside (or at least out of the kitchen) — you can get an induction burner and induction-compatible canning pot to use as a portable canning station.

The upside to going the induction route is how quickly you can get the water up to temperature for a boiling water bath (usually in half the time!). And, the technology itself won’t heat up your entire kitchen while you’re canning.

6. No canning pot? No problem! Use a stockpot with a cooling rack.

I originally started canning with one of those ubiquitous enamel canning pots, and while it wasn’t bad, it wasn’t great. The interior rack it came with was flimsy, the enamel was prone to denting, chipping, and rusting, and because of all these issues, the pot wasn’t really suitable for heavy-duty, general kitchen tasks.

I later found that using a large stainless steel stockpot with a round cooling rack that fits on the bottom was a much better option. I could use the stockpot for actual cooking (seafood boils, bone broth, and the like) and reuse the cooling rack for its intended purpose (as well as for steaming or holding hot items as a trivet).

This was before I got an electric water bath canner (see my previous tip), and while I primarily use that canner now, the stockpot still has a place in my kitchen because it’s so durable.

7. Don’t store your processed jars with the bands on.

The bands (canning rings) are meant to hold the lids in place during processing (and again when you open the jar). Once the jars have cooled and the lids are sealed, you should unscrew the bands, rinse, dry, and store them. (I corral all of mine in a basket near my other canning supplies.)

Doing so will not only keep the bands from corroding onto the lids and making them hard to get off (it happens, especially if you don’t get to the jars for a while), it’ll extend their useful life because they won’t rust as quickly.

You can reuse those same bands for the next round of canning without needing to buy more. Unlike the lids, which are one-time use only (as far as canning goes), the bands can be used over and over again until they rust or become damaged.

(If you find yourself canning frequently, you might want to consider replacement canning rings, which are made of thick stainless steel that should resist rusting and warping.)

Another reason I recommend removing the bands is to ensure you have a good seal on the jar. If there were problems during processing, you’ll know because gases from bacteria and spoilage will break the seal on the lid. If a band is holding that lid in place, you might not find out for weeks or months (when you’re looking for the jar).

As long as the boiling water bath created a good vacuum seal on the lids, unscrewing the bands after processing will not cause your jars to unseal.

8. Properly canned foods can actually last longer than a year on the shelf.

The general rule with home-canned goods is that a proper vacuum seal, along with storage in a dry, dark, and cool place (between 50°F and 70°F), will ensure a shelf life of at least one year.

The National Center for Home Food Preservation recommends that “for best quality, can no more food than you will use within a year.”

This ambiguous statement can be a little confusing, as many people take it to mean their home-canned goods will suddenly “expire” on day 366.

On the contrary, HFP’s recommendation is based on the quality of the food in terms of texture, color, and flavor, and not how well your jars are sealed.

If your jars have been stored under ideal conditions and the lids are still on tight, they can theoretically keep indefinitely. Those pickles may no longer be as crisp as the day they were canned, and certain nuances of the food (such as a subtle sweetness or spice) may be lost, but they’re indeed edible.

With good canning practices, there’s no reason the jam you made two or three years ago isn’t still safe to eat (and is probably still delicious). As with any food, inspect your canned goods before using and trust your instincts if the smell or appearance seems off.

The problem that some people do run into, however, is that the seals on the lids may fail for one reason or another after a year. This is why you should remove the bands (canning rings) from processed jars before putting them away, as you’ll be able to tell if any of the lids end up popping off in storage.

Canning Sources

This content was originally published here.

[restlesstymes]

A rant about the job market.  

Frustrated.  I have 10 years administrative experience, web design experience, project management, accounting, editorial and social media experience.  I fucking taught myself how to code before I even set foot in a classroom.  I have even fixed 3 computers (one of which wouldn’t even boot up) without taking one computer repair class.  I acted as a marketing director before I even had any “official” experience in the field; during that time I developed two marketing/ business plans, developed not one but TWO websites, one of which was a fully functional ecommerce marketplace with more than 10-15 THOUSAND products, the listing of which I combed through multiple times manually to ensure data accuracy. Started at an online publication this year as a goddamn intern and now doing event coverage, writing film reviews, photography and social media management.  I even went out and bought a $600 camera that I couldn’t afford in hopes that it might move my career forward, adding value to an already stuffed repertoire.

My last *6+* semesters in school I earned a 4.0 grade point average, getting inducted into TWO national honor societies – all while working two jobs one full time, the other part time, interning and developing this blog which I naively hoped would help me in my career.  I trained and supervised two groups of interns in one year at one of my last jobs, hired third party web designers and vetted ecommerce software companies at another. I balanced books for 15 separate company entities simultaneously as a bookkeeper at yet another job. This is only but the tip of the iceberg.

I can’t say that every decision I’ve made over my ‘career’ has been the right one, some I have l lived to regret for years afterward.  Regardless, are mistakes a measure of a person’s life?  Are we only to be measured by the mistakes we make instead of what we’ve accomplished?  I’ve left many jobs I shouldn’t have and my career suffered for it.  The amount of money I owe in student loans, in an effort to try to increase my value in the marketplace is astonishing and soul crushing.

So now, with almost 20 years experience in so many things, it clearly isn’t enough experience for the job I want or even one that I AM qualified for on paper.  I spent some time trying to work for myself, thinking, “Yes! Let me try to make a way for myself!” I said, “I’ll work a bit for free so people see how valuable I am” since again, NO ONE WILL FUCKING HIRE YOU WITHOUT EXPERIENCE. So I said okay, let me work for free and get that experience employers say I lack.  STILL the experience of working for free doesn’t legitimize past experience nor is it viewed as valuable. I was told recently, “you were freelancing and interning, that’s not a real job.”  Why is that? I have no idea, maybe my age (recent college grad = “okay to intern”, grown adult interns in an effort to change careers = “why are you taking a job as an intern and what’s wrong with you”), maybe my skill set but truth is I have no idea. I feel like Robert DeNiro in “The Intern” and he managed to find *some* semblance of success in that film and he was 70!  If the experience gained working for free isn’t valuable, then how can you work to obtain the experience you need and at what point is this experience acceptable enough to parlay into a paying job?  I am greasing all the wheels I can, helping out anyone who asks but it seems while their hands come up full, mine are always empty.

I have applied to countless jobs, ones where they even initiate communication by emailing me and then not responding – that’s even AFTER I follow up. Granted yes, the holidays are upon us sure, but that is no excuse to email ME to speak and then not respond when I confirm interest.  Another job felt that the experience I had wasn’t enough for me to even set foot on their company property for an interview – when I had twice the experience they were looking for, according to the job description.

I, by no means, believe that I am the only person in the world effected by this.  I know I am not that special, but I know that there must be tons of people with the same frustrating experience. Trying to figure out how to navigate a job market that doesn’t believe in transparency, a job market that allows a company to decline my application because of how I live my life in private, a job market that tramples on the working class as if they are useless garbage.

I can continue to put myself into debt and get more education, but where is the return on investment? How do I know once I am done accumulating hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loan debt, that I’ll be able to find a good job or a job that even pays well enough for me to pay it off?  Now, with the way the law is changing as it pertains to student loan debt, I can expect to pay hundreds, even  thousands over the cost of my initial loan in fees (if you are in the US google it for more information – use the resources available to you before they are gone for good).  

So how do I dig myself out of this pit?  Education isn’t the way, even if I graduate with a doctorate it won’t matter because I won’t have the experience. Internship isn’t the way, I am stuck now doing work for free with no possibility of monetizing those tasks.  A paid internship, you ask?  You tell me who in New York can survive on an intern’s salary and I’ll show you a liar or someone living at home with their parents.

The most frustrating part of all this?  That the same job that declined me today saying my experience was insufficient, will be the same one back looking for another assistant in 6 – 12 months’ time.  I have seen it time and time again.  I have worked jobs where I was paid less than others and yet they asked ME how to complete their job duties.  Some of which I even had the pleasure of watching get higher and higher paying jobs over the years, while I spin my wheels in the dirt. Is that the way to success?  Using the kindness of others and presenting the work of others as your own? Even with all this, I refuse to be a jerk and I will continue to help anyone that needs it.  It’s just who I am.  Anyone who needs my help needs only but to ask.  I’m that employee that would rock a hoodie with the company name on it everywhere and be proud as shit.  I’m that employee that when someone is doing well, I’ll come by and say “good job” and clap for you when the suits are rolling their eyes.  I’m that employee, who will work late if I know it will save the company time the next day.  That’s who I am, I want to see you successful because it means we can all be successful. Who wants to work on a team where no one gives a shit about the person next to them? Not me.  But alas, I guess none of that matters because it’s a reflection of the world now – these things you can’t translate on paper don’t matter in this job market.  The fact that I was once laid off from a job and my manager liked me so much that he couldn’t even let me go himself, he had to have HR do it AND SUBSEQUENTLY LEFT THE ROOM.  This man STILL calls me on my birthday even though I haven’t worked with him in almost 5 years! You can trivialize that if you want, but to me it speaks to how much the man liked and respected me – that he goes out of his way all these years later just to toss me a “Happy Birthday.”  How do I show people that in text on a resume?  

This has been a rant and I do apologize.  This job market is beating me over the head constantly telling me I am not worthy, but I refuse.  I refuse to believe that.  I refuse to believe that the path I carved for myself over 15 years is a waste.  I refuse to think that I’ll never find a good paying job.  I deserve it and I’m ready to fight for it.

[tonystarktogo]

Can you give me a Villain! Rumlow going on dates with (kidnapping) Tony and the Team not being supportive even though he starts assisting Iron Man on the field and practically lives in the tower Maybe post CA:CW for the angst?

Brock and Tony? Why, of course, darling! I will always support this pairing!

Btw this is my 1000th Post!!! So of course I had to make it a little longer :) I even managed to add in some light bitter Sunday-ness, but I kept it very light, mostly just focused on Tony moving on. I think you should be able to enjoy this no matter how you stand on the CW fallout, but let me know if you disagree and I will tag it accordingly.

Also tagging @darkly-stark and @susieeslei because Brock and Tony.

It starts with one of Tony’s spur-of-the-moment decisions that always end up being either phenomenal or catastrophic, and never anything in between. The vote is still out on this particular one though.

Because Tony is seated in his favourite restaurant when he walks in–more like slams the doors open and pushes a startled waiter out of his way as he strides towards Tony’s nicely decorated table. And just as he’s been served his main course too.

For a long moment Tony blinks up at Brock Rumlow who is positively brimming with volatile determination, then looks back down at his plate. The food, as always, looks delicious.

“Why don’t you join me?” Tony blurts out before he can think better of it.

Rumlow stills, a flutter of what might have been confusion briefly flashing across his face.

“Please, sit down,” Tony gestures towards the unoccupied chair, having already decided to roll with this. He’s not been gutted yet, which can only be a good sign. “My treat of course.” He flashes his brightest smile and–much to his surprise, not that he’ll ever admit it–Rumlow does indeed sit down.

He looks as surprised as Tony which makes Tony feel better about this situation. Resisting the urge to gape–go with it, go with it, totally going with it–Tony turns and waves over the first waiter who crawls out from where he’s taken cover under a table.

“Could you get me another menu, please?” Tony asks with all the nonchalance his life as a public persona has trained into him. “Oh, and another whiskey.” He takes one look at Rumlow who is sort of glaring–or maybe that’s his normal expression, who knows–at the menu and adds, “Make that two.”

Rumlow spends most of the meal glaring daggers at anyone and anything unlucky enough to catch his attention. Tony spends most of the meal expecting a fight to break out any second.

The food is delicious though.

*

From one moment to the next the bar goes silent. It’s Tony’s first clue that something is wrong. The second is the slow, measured footsteps cutting through the silence, definitely, definitely heading in his direction. The third is the one everyone turns in their chairs to stare at him.

Tony refuses to turn around from where he’s sitting at the bar, slumped over an almost empty glass. There is probably a gun aimed at his head by now, but fuck if he cares.

It’s been a shit day long before lunch time got around. Tony is in no mood to entertain anyone, would-be killer or otherwise.

“Want a drink?” he asks, not bothering to look whom he’s offering it too.

Another moment of silence passes, before a familiar voice grumbles “You’re paying, Stark,” and well.

That’s how Tony finds himself sharing a drink with Brock Rumlow for the second time this month. It’s not as bad as it probably should be.

*

It wasn’t supposed to be a thing. Really. Tony doesn’t even realise it’s become a thing until the bartender at his standard I-want-to-disappear-and-not-have-anyone-talk-to-me-the-whole-time-I’m-there bar greets him with a “Your usual?” and fills two glasses.

The worst part is, when Rumlow slides into his seat next to Tony a couple of minutes later, he’s not even surprised.

It has definitely become a thing.

*

Tony likes to think he’s quite good at keeping his private and professional life separated–whether or not the evidence supports this statement is another matter.

In any case, despite Brock Rumlow’s unfortunate status as a villain, meeting up with the man semi-regularly for a drink and a long, surprisingly comfortable silence, has been uncomplicated. Almost suspiciously so. Tony has JARVIS on the look-out for any trap Rumlow might be trying to lay, but so far nothing has come from it.

Tony isn’t about to let his guard down, of course, but for the time being figuring out Rumlow’s hidden motives isn’t a top priority. He’s got more urgent problems. Like that giant, ball of a glibbering, highly corrosive mass currently eating away at this suit. His metal suit. At a disturbing pace. 

If Tony had still been able to move, it might not have been such a big problem. He probably could’ve gotten out of this whatever-it-is before the acid reached his fleshy parts. As it is, the suit is down. So is the communication. And Tony is effectively trapped.

It’s not the kind of death he would’ve wished for himself, but genius or not, he’s rapidly running out of time and options.

There is a sudden jolt, and then Tony is flying. He hits the ground hard a moment later, accompanied by a lot of creaks and cracks, the suit far too damaged to bear the weight of the fall the way he usually would.

His suit is little more than a deadweight still, dented and torn open in several places at this point, and it takes Tony a couple of minutes to bend the emergency release lash to his will. Literally. By the time he’s managed to free himself, the battle is finally over, and the rest of his team are looking for him.

Tony brushes them off with a quick and an easy smile. Just another near-death experience, hitting it close but not too close. He’s getting used to that. It’s not a big deal.

Later that night, Tony has JARVIS pull up any and all surveillance data on the fight. Until he finds the hooded figure reaching into the corrosive goo and pulling him out. Until he identifies the gait, the self-made claw-like conceptions used to drag him free.

He deletes all the evidence moments later, a pensive frown on his face.

Two days later Tony buys Brock Rumlow another drink. Neither of them mention the last Avengers’ mission.

*

There’s a dirty spot on the bar, right next to a small bowl of cashews. Tony would know. He’s been staring at it for the past seventeen minutes. At least it hasn’t moved.

A drink is set down in front of him with a soft click. His usual order. Except he’s never been to this place before.

Tony turns around, only to come face to face with Brock Rumlow.

Absently, Tony notes that he’s not even surprised.

Still. He raises a questioning eyebrow.

There’s no ‘Sorry your team is broken beyond repair’ or ‘Must have sucked to get back from a Siberian bunker without a functional suit, how’d you do it?’ or even ‘Fine mess, those Accords, huh? How’re you holding up?’.

All Tony gets is a non-committed shrug, and a grumbled, “Figured it’s my turn to pay the tab.”

Somehow, it’s enough.

*

There’s another mutant kid running around midtown, that wants the world to pay for all the unfulfilled hopes and crushed dreams, for all the times it was scorned and abandoned and left behind.

Tony can relate. He refuses to stand by and let it happen all the same.

Vision and Spiderman are slowly finding their rhythm in a fight, but the Avengers–what’s left of them–don’t hold the same kind of power they used to anymore.

When Crossbones joins the fray, Tony finds himself hoping he won’t have to fight on two fronts. It’s the first time in a while that his hopes are met.

*

Officially Tony can’t turn Crossbones’ help down, whenever Rumlow feels like offering. It burns, just a bit, even now, that for all that it presents a convenient excuse, it’s also true.

Rhodey is recovering, but it’s a slow process, and three players in the field aren’t enough. Especially when you’re on the defence and have civilians to protect.

Unofficially working with Rumlow isn’t bad, not that Tony would ever admit such a thing. Maybe he’s a little too fond of violence sometimes, a little too careless when it comes to collateral damage, but he works well with the team–are they a team yet, when Tony can’t ever bring himself to refer to them as such?–and hasn’t let them down yet.

After one of their less destructive skirmishes, Tony hands Rumlow a transmitter for one of their frequencies–not the official one of course. It’s as close to an induction as they get, with the UN committee for inter- and extra-national security watching them closely.

*

Rumlow settles a lot of their shared tabs these days.

He pays. 

Tony used to check. He hasn’t bothered in a while.

*

The first time Rumlow kidnaps Tony is right after a gruesome battle that almost costs Spiderman his life. He just–takes Tony.

Once Spidey is confirmed to be alive and well, Tony doesn’t even have the strength to fight him anymore.

It’s not as bad as it could have been. There are no evil lairs, to terrified minions, no threats. There’s just a beach–Tony has forgotten how much he missed it, the crashing waves, the smell of salt and water, the wind–no people as far as Tony can see, except for them. They drink iced coffee, and kick sand at each other’s feet, and Rumlow never comments on the fact that Tony doesn’t go deeper than ankle-height into the water.

The public is freaking out. General Ross is frothing at the mouth. Spidey sends a ‘Back at school now will you stop having FRIDAY set my alarm already?’ text, followed by a lot of glaring emojis. 

Rumlow hands him a virgin Pina Colada.

Tony hasn’t felt this warm since Siberia.

*

They come back eventually. His former team mates. It was always going to happen, Tony knows. Eventually. He’s been preparing for this day from the beginning, perhaps even before they ever fought at that German airport.

Doesn’t mean Tony is ready when it finally happens.

Rumlow isn’t there when the plane touches the ground. Tony grits his teeth together and smiles for the cameras.

*

Working together again, the new Avengers side by side with the old ones, goes about as smoothly as you would expect. Which is to say not at all. They’re out of sync, and it becomes painfully obvious the first time they’re sent out together how much it affects them in the field.

They win. Barely.

Tony sends Spidey home before Rogers even has the chance to announce a recap. He doesn’t want the kid around when the shouting starts, and there will be shouting. All of them are too frustrated with their less than stellar performance for a calm, rational discussion.

At least, Tony assumes they are. He’s never gets the chance to find out for sure. Because that’s when Crossbones shows up.

With minions. A lot of minions.

It takes Tony approximately fifteen seconds to work out that they’re a distraction. It takes the rest of the definitely-not-a-team half a minute longer.

By that point, it’s already too late: Crossbones and Iron Man have disappeared without a trace.

*

“You can’t keep kidnapping me every time I’m–” Tony trails off. Can’t quite bring himself to say the unspoken ‘about to be alone with them’ out loud. 

It would reveal too much. Acknowledge too much. Tony isn’t very good at acknowledging what he doesn’t want to be true. Or what he wants too much to be true, for that matter.

“I’m a villain,” Brock–he’s been Brock for a while now, and Tony still isn’t sure whether he likes that or not–snorts disdainful. “I can do whatever I want.”

There’ll be a lot of screaming later. A lot of accusations and rumours and arguments. Of that Tony has no doubt.

He leans a little closer with a teasing smile all the same. “Oh?” He hums thoughtfully. “And what is it you want right now?”

*

The world is a mess. The Avengers are broken beyond repair. Crossbones loves violence a little too much. Brock has a nice smile.

Tony is warm.

*

Tony Stark’s spur-of-the-moment decisions always end up being either phenomenal or catastrophic, and never anything in between. 

Sometimes, on rare occasions, they are both.

Please let me know what you think, guys! Have you boarded this particular rare pair ship yet?